Hello, So I’ve been dealing with inner thigh, hip (where the IT band is), testicle pain all on the right side of my body. It feels like VERY tight muscles which ache most of the time. I also have random nerve symptoms (sharp, stinging, tingling, and twitching) along the urethra, perineum, and anus that only last for a second each time. On top of this I have clear discharge that’s like precum sporadically and cloudy urine that comes every month or so, no pain or burning during urination and no itching. The cloudiness disappears after one or two trips to the restroom which is my most worrying symptom. I’ve had these symptoms for a while but I am worried that this cloudy urine comes every few weeks/month. I’ve spoken with some people about this before which helped immensely but still my mind races especially when I see cloudy urine. I should add that I have been told I have a very tight pelvic floor from a doctor a few years back. My questions are: 1) do these symptoms correlate with CPPS/PFD? 2) would cloudy urine be everytime I urinate if it was due to an infection? Or could an infection cause this intermittently? 3)if cloudy urine is from this condition, what would cause it to only appear once a month/every few weeks?
Thanks everyone!

feels like It doesn’t matter what I say here. Nothing will change, nothing is important.
feel desperate to care or hurt every day im sad & unloved. wish i could just disappear and die... no one i know really cares.
i’ve thought about hurting or leaving & faking changing my old life, but the amount of effort it would take, & the safety or issues with secure documents or faking or changing one's id would or seems like a hassle if it was done. ;/ let alone the sheer effort of money income or pain with family.
some days i cry with watery eyes empty pain. if only i had Alcohol and get drunk to suffocate my pain or loneliness. being a human is & will always be horrible. we cry we emote we try bur
Cant even grasp these concepts or decisions aren’t what i expect or looking for as a human.... no magic life, or ideal suite home no balance or care.
why do we thrive, or try things day in and day out, into every new year or each month, when history repeats itself hoping life will change.....? it all sucks. nothing matters.
The earth gets colder & hotter, temperature and climate drops. so much cruelty suicide and homelessness is still a thing. but...yet i’m here i guess.. idk ...tbh.
Age is just pain and scars killing us every day. ;/
maybe i’ll not be loved or cared for. thats my curse.
Loneliness is deadlier then car accidents for some, & deadlier then suffering or suicide or overdose.
One who doesn’t receive love has the inability to make meaningful connections with family, friends guilt & pain, & its failure to be a good human, loneliness, and a huge dose of self suffering.
No one tells you loneliness is a killer........ No one brings you on this path to be alone, we all are alone from birth to adulthood for some of us.
People who experienced social isolation had a 32% higher risk of dying early from any cause compared with those who weren't socially isolated. Participants who reported feeling lonely were 14% more likely to die early than those who did not.
Also being overwhelmed by the futility of life and exists in a world where everyone is as sane to everyone, as people who are short to life. There isn't a place anywhere we can be at rest and we have no vivid connections or life forms to discuss it with, and if we did, why would we? I mean, what would it accomplish? It couldn't change the reality for us that there's no god, no purpose for being, and everything is an exercise in futility. It’s a slippery slope, midlife crisis gone haywire.
There is no fixing it unless you can stop the truth from being the truth.
Maybe being alone is our curse to be stuck with no love or no passion. Loneliness is like a drug it can kill you if you use too much of it. it’s like a drug, since it grows through the veins, through nerves and muscles, it assumes some right of possession over your body.
then again ;-; The universe is just a machine. It, as one says, feeds on the mediocre- the average. It creates them solely for the purpose of consuming them (literally or metaphorically) to continue on living, much like the god or gods of many religions have theoretically done with humans and their praise. However, we are simply one of those products- a happenstance creation of the broader universe, a speck of dust in the greater cosmos. And in this way, nothing we do, and nothing we experience, really 'matters' in the grand scheme of things so don’t care or do anything… so just live or don't...
idk what to do i've tried just crying.. tried meds, nothing really maters for me. i'm just a husk of a human, barely hanging on. ;=; if only i could die with my own kill switch.. l;
Human life and society sucks….
Being human sucks. We give ourself the title of human because we as humans are flawed. Its created to be flawed. By definition human life is about living, growing up when I was younger. I assumed everyone else had it figured out and I was the only one who was unhappy. I wasn’t always unhappy but I certainly wasn’t one of those people that was always happy… Now I realize, being human does suck (often but not always), but that’s the purpose of being here, to experience it all. We are going to stub our toe, get stung, have the flu, lose our favorite toy, grab expired ice cream from the freezer… This is what separates us from the other life on this planet. We have the gift of emotion, a deep and vast kaleidoscope of feelings to experience, including the bad ones. A deer doesn’t get lost in envy nor does a bird dwell in grief (at least that we can see). Life isn’t meant to be perfect or Utopian ALL THE TIME, happiness is just a temporary fix.... that happens next. Yet we spend so much of our lives resisting, resenting, trying to control, deny, avoid, numb, or suppress anything “bad”. We want a perfect night sleep every night. It’s never going to happen, no matter what mattress you have. The only way you can appreciate the great night sleep is the perspective you gain from the bad one. That’s the point. Life is polarity. The key to mastering happiness is accepting pain as a part of life, being able to experience it then let it go. It will pass, it always does. But mankind sucks… we have wars we are stubborn we argue we hate, we love. We get angry…. We do therapy but nothing helps we are itself a mess.. society is so stubborn. We never care, or fix ourself. we cant create magic we rarely even acknowledge things, but why DOES IT SUCK!!? We seek answers but no answers are given. Is there a end to this madness? no so we just suffer day in and day out... cuz suffering is our only way out.

First off, my apologies for this very long post...It's hard for me to word this out as my communication skills are very bad.
My therapist told me I need to work on the two above so I bought a workbook on each of them. So far I am working on the Assertiveness workbook. I am having a lot of analysis paralysis with trying to understand the concepts and was wondering if anyone had an idea on how to approach this.
According to my workbook this is the definition of Assertiveness: Not a strategy for getting your own way, but instead recognizes you're in charge of your own behaviour and decide what you'll want to do and not do and accepting the consequences and the responsibility for your actions (same for others). Similar to having a sense of agency. There is no attempt to take control from one another. When you are being assertive, you're making a deliberate and conscious choice.
Boundaries, I haven't dived deep into it, but from what I am getting: it's something YOU do and not others (a.k.a. it's not about changing the other person) (i.e.) if you call me during work hours, I will not pick up. or if you call me names, I will walk away from the situation.
This sounds like it is heavily subjective and depended on person to person then. One of the examples in workbook, word by word: "Rather than say our coworker shouldn't be handing us her own work (controlling her behavior), we can simple inform her that we won't be doing it (controlling our own way)" ^so from what I understand, you can have boundaries and apply assertiveness but can still be seen as a jerk, rude, problematic? I.e. a kid saying no to their parent. Employer to boss, or person with higher authority. You just have to be ready to accept the consequences of your deliberate, conscious choice (possibility of getting arrested, fired, etc.)
So tying into applying stoicism + virtues. I am thinking the same thing, that it's all subjective at the end of the day? One of the ones I am thinking about is JUSTICE. Example: going through an unfair breakup and the other person is stone-walling you. So you want to take matters on your end and speak of the unfair treatment even if it means going to the other party's side (friends, family). Some people might think that it's unhinged or doing too much, but what if it helps give you that closure or aligns with your understanding/BELIEFS of what JUSTICE is? (very SUBJECTIVE)
Like this is quite extreme, but justice also implies that it relates to morality too, but there are factors like culture, religion and personal experience that shapes one's morals. For example one part of the world, maybe it's moral to execute someone who was a murderer or raped someone. So if I carried that belief while claiming to want to practice stoicism, is that right?
I am just confused on the whole black/white, right/wrong/, effective/non-effective. How do I see gray in all of this? It's causing a lot of confusion, sorry for my long message and if this might not make sense as I am trying to rewire a lot of old toxic behaviours from my upbringing. I am worried that I may be practicing stoicism wrong (still in the introduction phase), because I have had people close to me tell me sometimes I think I am being fair, but then I was actually controlling and demanding, which I seriously was unaware (due to cognitive distortion, being a late-bloomer, my toxic upbringing, etc.) So I am grateful for my friends for bringing awareness to my "unfair" judgements.

Idk what I’m even tryna say. I’m not Bi Polar, I’m not depressed. But I’m on this drug at 200 mg. I started suffering from insomnia outta nowhere in November . Since then been wasting time trying all kinda over counter sleep aids. Eventually I let docs tell me I was bi polar when I’m 33 and never even had a panic attack or anxiety . I started this drug thinkin it would Help my sleep from my doc . Now I take gabapentin as wel, I believe that’s what helping me Sleep. Yet this doc doesn’t wanna take me off . I don’t get why I didn’t get clonidine cause If anything I have adhd. I guess I’m trying to ask, have any of you just felt out of it, foggy . Too tired (not always meaning u sleep great too smh) and just even more moody then ever ? I been on it since early March. Since then I can’t even get to the gym. Meanwhile at the peak of my insomnia (was always exhausted and miserable) but somehow then? I got to gym. Appreciate any advice . I’m afraid to even stop because my sleeps slowly getting better. So my question I guess is “ does lamictal have any real benefits for sleep”

The stress of the last six months has nearly killed me. Besides the general cratering of the outside world—political strife, climate change, inflated rents, corporate greed, and the baffling resurgence of crew socks—my internal life was falling apart, too. I'm at the point where I can't see a way out of the darkness, and that feeling has only grown in the last few days.
My struggles ramped up exponentially in the last two weeks. It started when my long-term girlfriend and I called it quits after five years. There was no definitive relationship-altering fight or infidelity. It was simply the boring banality of the "roommate-ification" of our lives together. We both felt the shift but never talked about it. Turns out communication is important.
Truthfully, we'd stayed together for so long because we couldn't afford to live apart. Our rent had nearly doubled the last time we re-upped our lease but even that was a bargain compared to what was out there currently. We were trapped by our need to have a roof over our heads.
My job had stagnated, and I couldn't find anything better. I was stuck. Like me, she'd been job hunting as well. Unlike me, she had a master's, and her prospects should've been higher. They weren't. For five months, she applied to hundreds of jobs and couldn't break through. If she got a rejection email, it was a win. Most of the time, the companies never responded.
Finally, she found a great opportunity at a Fortune 500 company. It was an involved process. She nailed the five interviews, and her "test project" was well received. She was offered the position, and it came with a massive pay increase—double her current salary. I was proud of her—she needed a win. We celebrated with pizza and beer that night.
Two days later, she dropped the bomb that she was breaking things off. The relationship ending wasn't a surprise. The timing was. The discussion was brief, and there was zero chance of reconciliation. She declined when I asked if she could stay until the lease ended. Mentally, it would've been too much for her. Two days after that, she moved out, taking half the rent with her. I was stuck in a lease I couldn't afford on my salary for the next six months.
My free time evaporated as I took on two extra gigs to help make ends meet. In addition to my office nine to five, I drove for a delivery app on the weekends and took a part-time night job stocking shelves at a local grocery store. When I wasn't hustling for housing, I slept or ate. I did nothing beyond that. Nothing brings me joy. There is no spark.
This drudgery has become my daily routine, and it's killing me.
To help cover some cost gaps, I've started selling off some of my stuff online. It was just me here, and I decided that the Spartan lifestyle would have to work for now. Anything I could fetch a decent amount for went up for sale. My apartment is so empty now every noise causes an echo.
Before my shift at the grocery store, I agreed to meet someone who wanted to take a look at my kitchen table. It was a lovely table – my ex had obsessed over it – but I didn't see a need at the moment. Now that I was a bachelor, my TV trays became my default kitchen tables anyway. I wasn't planning on any dinner parties in the future anyway.
A couple showed up later than they said they would. It was a bored-looking guy and a fastidious young woman. She made friendly small talk as she looked over the table. Her boyfriend (I think) stayed quiet and played bodyguard. I gave him a friendly nod at one point, and he just looked away. She said they'd take it without trying to talk me down. I took the small win.
She asked if I could help carry it down to their truck. I was running late, but feeling helpful, even for a fleeting few seconds, was worth it. Her silent boyfriend and I hauled the table through the hallway and even managed to avoid hitting the walls the entire way down.
I placed it in their truck, got my money, and turned to leave. The girl said thanks, and the boyfriend finally returned the nod. I gave a weird half-wave to them both and started to walk away when I heard the passenger window being rolled down.
"Hey man," the boyfriend said, his voice higher pitched than I thought it would. "What was up with your brother giving us the evil eye in the lobby when we got here?"
I turned around, "Huh? I don't have a brother."
"A cousin then?"
"My family lives about a thousand miles away. What happened in the lobby?"
"A dude that looked just like you was hiding in a dark hallway in the lobby and staring at my girl's ass."
"Jacob, really," she said.
"I'm sorry that happened, but I had nothing to do with it. We do have the occasional homeless guy meander in. Maybe you saw one of them," I said. "Did he say or do anything bad?"
"Jacob, I asked you to not say something," the girl said, burying her head in her hands.
Jacob's frosty attitude to me made sense now. "He said something about running up that ass. I dunno, he was mumbling. I told him I'd beat his ass if he didn't stop staring. Seemed to shut him up."
"Oh. Well, congrats," I said. "I'll tell the manager. Thanks for letting me know."
"You should do a better job keeping jokers like that out of the building."
"Jacob, he's not a security guard."
"He should still be a man and protect his home."
"Have a good night," I said, ending the conversation and heading back up to my apartment. I had about five minutes to change and head out before I'd be late. Last thing my ego needed was to be fired from my backup job.
Thankfully, I was able to slip into work and not get spotted by my boss. That was the last of the good news, though. We had a massive weekly order come in, which meant I'd be there late, plus someone had called out. Worse, our hand truck had a flat tire, and I spent the next few hours torturing my muscles, schlepping heavy boxes around the store. I soldiered on, counting down the minutes until I left and fantasizing about going to bed for the night.
If wishing for sleep wasn't a sad statement to my mental well-being, nothing was.
I came home after my shift at the grocery store and plopped down on the couch. I had contemplated selling it, but it was an older Ikea number, and I didn't think the value would replace my desire to sit. I could feel my body sink into the cushions, and the day's tension seep out. I was beat and tired to the point that turning on the TV was a chore.
I picked up my phone and thought I'd doomscroll until sleep overtook me. I didn't expect it to be a long scroll, as even the methadone that is my phone has failed me lately. As I lowered myself from a slumped position to a supine one, I heard footsteps outside my apartment door. This was not unusual, but the noise I heard sounded like kid footsteps. That was unusual, as nobody on our floor had kids, and it was almost midnight.
Despite my body screaming at me to not move, my brain suggested I check it out. I rolled myself off the couch and eventually stood up. I listened again and heard the kid running down the hallway. I walked over to my door and looked out the peephole. I didn't see anyone.
"Maybe I'm dreaming," I said to myself. "Maybe I'm not staring out a peephole, expecting to see a kid running down the hall at midnight, but instead, I'm cuddled up in my bed, snoozing." I pinched my arm and felt the pain. I was definitely in the waking world.
I turned to head back to the couch when I heard the running again, this time louder. I opened my door and peeked out into the hallway. Nobody was there. The door from the apartment across me opened up, too. Gloria, a young at heart grandma who was friendly/constantly buzzed in a wine mom kind of way, gave me a once over.
"You heard that, too?" she asked.
"Kids?"
"No rugrats around. I assumed it was some drunk assholes stumbling home from the bar."
I laughed. Gloria was, as always, blunt. "I didn't see any assholes," I said.
"Then you're not watching the right kind of internet videos," she said with a wink and a hoarse cackle.
I blushed. How do you respond to that? I just kind of nodded in agreement and shrugged.
"Gotta get your jollies while you can," she said before adding, "You need some rest, dear. You look like hammered shit." She shut her door and went back inside.
She was right. I felt like hammered shit. Since I wasn't going to solve the case of the mysterious runner and was sure it wasn't some lost kid, I decided to call it a night. I went back inside, shut down the apartment, and crawled into bed.
I thought about watching one of the "right kind of internet videos" but fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.
***
"Your problem is you think the world owes you something."
John, my elderly coworker at the grocery store, was standing by while I unloaded a pallet of cereal. I liked John, and when I first started, we instantly clicked. He's quick with a joke and fun to talk to. He's also about thirty years older than me and speaks with the Boomer combination of accumulated wisdom, backhanded compliments, and fringe conspiracy nonsense. Still, regardless of how couched the kindness is in gobbledygook, he's usually coming from a good place.
"What?" I said, putting a box of Captain Crunch on the shelf.
"You're complaining about your situation, right? Saying it ain't fair. The world took a paddle to your hind quarters? Hey brother, that's the way the cookie crumbles. Gotta just pick yourself up and start over. You're smart enough – figured this job out right quick – you can do it."
The job was wheeling pallets around the store and stocking shelves. It wasn't much to figure out, but I understood his meaning. The other stuff wasn't necessary, though. "I'm just in a funk. I don't see a way forward."
"Hey, so you've bottomed out. No shame in that. Happens to us all. Silver lining, you can only go up," he said before adding, "Unless some other bad shit happens to you like your car dies or your apartment building burns down. But after that, it's only up."
"The apartment building burning down would be a blessing," I said, hoisting another little Captain on the shelf. "The rent is killing me."
"Have you tried negotiating a lower rent? They used to do that when I was your age."
"I think they'd evict me if I even asked."
"Hell, then you'd have at least thirty days, maybe forty, before they'd kick you out. Plenty of time to turn things around."
"Uh-huh," I said, "Any chance you could give me a hand here?"
"My back is screaming like a pretty young thing after prom," he said, holding his back for emphasis.
I didn't push. "Hey, I meant to tell you about some weird shit that happened the other night."
"Lay it on me. I love the strange."
"So, after my shift the other day, I got home around midnight and was flopped on the couch. I heard someone running down the hallway outside my apartment. I wasn't the only one. A few other neighbors heard it, too. When we checked, though, nobody was there."
"That ain't strange," John said, waving his hand, "that's a man who's plowing another man's wife running for his life."
I laughed. "That's not the weird part. So, for the next two nights, it's the same thing. Around midnight, someone runs down the hallway. Only this time, they're trying the door handles as they pass. So, I asked the front desk to check the security cameras, and they do."
"They see a man running away holding his clothes?"
"There wasn't anyone running down the hall," I said, "But the weird thing was, you could see the door handles turning on the video."
"Damn, that's a good one," John said, "You sure it wasn't just a camera glitch. These new ones from overseas aren't as reliable as they want you to think. Chinese probably using them to spy on you, too."
He continued as my brain tried to reconcile John's two opposing comments. "Weird shit happens at night, man. Before working here, I only worked the day shift. Even when they offered me more money to work nights, I turned it down. Even when they promised me a promotion, I turned them down."
In a previous life, John had worked as a paramedic. He came by it after serving in a medical unit in the army. He'd told me he loved the rush of the job, but after a while, the death and hurt in people's eyes got to be too much to handle. But he worked there for almost twenty years. So, the man had a tolerance for shenanigans and odd occurrences.
"Why'd you agree to work nights here?"
"Shit, we're home before the witching hour. This is like late afternoons, at best. But if it was overnights, hell no. Captain Crunch can anchor his own ship to the shelves. I'd take my ass to 7-11 for a day shift before agreeing to work an overnight."
"Something happen to you during the army?”
“I got the clap,” he offered.
I sighed. “What turned you off nights?"
"Oh. I heard enough stories from coworkers to know I didn't want to experience any of that hoo-doo shit," he said, "trying to save someone's life is hard enough without adding in demon kids and ghosts."
"Did your coworkers see demon kids?" I asked, moving on from the good Captain to the Trix rabbit.
He nodded, "They saw too much. I find it odd, even with all the surveillance we have now and all the science we know about these days, that the night still scares us. You ever know someone who worked a night shift?"
I had. My ex. During college, she worked the overnight desk at a hotel for a while. She quit because the job gave her bad vibes. I told John as much.
He pointed and laughed, "See! Don't you find it odd that every person who works at night always has a story of something eerie happening to them? Every person, buster. That's what they call an irrefutable fact."
"Maybe the ghost running down the hallway is an old employee still doing his rounds."
"In that case, keep that door double locked. I'd even wedge a towel under the door just in case."
"Maybe they're friendly? Casper-like in that way."
"You ever heard someone tell you about a friendly ghost outside the funny papers?"
"I'm sure it happens," I said, "The scary ghosts are more popular though."
“We think we know everything there is to know but we are just babes in the woods when it comes to night things.” John shook his head. "Imma tell you one or three things that happened to a guy I worked with back when I first got hired on to chase after corpses in the ambo. Guy's name was Gil. Quiet man, kept to himself. Didn't rock the boat or demand a bigger paddle. Just rowed with us. Good cat to learn under," John said, finally handing me a cereal box.
I took it, and he kept going, "Now, Gil, ya see, he had a little wifey that would pester him about working days. She was a cop and worked evenings at that time, so they never saw each other. When married people can't align their genitals every now and then, it spells doom."
"A little too much information but sure," I said, shelving another box of Trix.
"Probably part of what happened with you and yours," he said. He wasn't wrong, but that didn't mean I wanted to hear it.
John kept on, "Gil finally got approved to move to nights. Little pay boost and a happy, 'fulfilled' wife should've made that man happy. But it didn't. I saw him a few months later, and he had changed. He might've been quiet when he was working with me, but he'd talk to you if you engaged. When I saw him that time, though, oh boy. He looked sick."
"Wasn't a fan of working nights?"
"Wasn't a fan of living anymore is the feeling I got," John said, "After some prodding, he got to talking with me some. Told me he missed days because the nights were messing with him. I thought it had to do with the schedule change, but that wasn't the case. He said he saw things in the dark he couldn't explain. Things that would turn James Brown into James White, ya dig?"
"I...dig," I said.
"Told me they got a call to an abandoned apartment building one night, around three in the morning. Wasn't unusual. Old buildings in the city are where hop-heads congregate and share drugs. Sometimes, the drugs are too much. Sometimes, they find a person passed out or, worse, dead. When you work in the ambo, you aren't scared of death like a civilian. You've been around it. Probably seen a few folks take their last breaths. It doesn't bother you the way Mother Nature intended it should."
He handed me another box, continuing his assist streak, and kept going, "Ambo pulled up, Gil stepped out and looked for someone to talk to. Nobody there, though. Not uncommon. Some people want to help but not be involved. There's not a soul around. He calls out, but nothing comes back. Tells me he turns to get back in the ambulance when he hears a scream from inside the run-down building. They're calling for help. He's gotta go in the abandoned building in the dark."
"No thanks," I said.
"But it don't bother a medic like that. Gil's done a million of these calls. No big deal. He runs into that building but doesn't come back out until twenty minutes later. Just goes missing. After five, the crew heads in to back him up but can't find him. Gil tells me his crew called the cops. It was like he had vanished."
"What happened?"
"I asked him and he got real quiet. Said he fell into some place that looked like here but wasn't here. Said he felt their eyes on him. Judging him. Told me they followed him home and wouldn't leave him be."
"Who?"
John shrugged, "He didn't say. Shut down after that and left. Just walked past me like I was shit on the sidewalk. He quit about a week later. Heard he had a stroke a year later and was a tombstone owner three months after that. Good guy, though."
"Your aversion to overnights makes a little more sense."
"Never in a million years. You don't want something like that coming after you."
"In my case, could it get much worse?" I said with a half-smile.
"Man, I wouldn't even joke about that," he said, making the sign of the cross, "You don't want that shit attachin' itself to you. With your luck, you'd bring him in here, and it'd hop over to me. I can't have a ghost crimping my style."
After a bit, he got called away to sign off on a delivery. I finished out my shift and headed out to the parking lot. When I exited the building and spotted my car, I froze. My doors were all open, and the interior lights were on. Someone had broken in.
I glanced around the lot to see if the thief was still around, but there wasn't another person near me. I walked over to the car and peered inside. My glovebox had been ripped open, and my registration was pulled out, but nothing else was missing.
I found little hand prints in the dirt all along the body and the windows. I held mine up for comparison, and they were about half the size. It must've been some tweens or teens who did this. Maybe they were going to steal some things and got cold feet. I contemplated calling the cops, but since nothing had happened and they wouldn't do anything anyway, there was no reason to delay sleep any longer than I had to. I closed all the doors and climbed inside.
I started the car and heard something rattling in the AC vents. I pulled out my phone and shined the light at the vent. There was a small piece of paper inside. I looked around my car for some tool to pull it out and only found an ink pen and a bent-up paperclip. After McGuyvering the vent for a bit, the paper finally came out.
I held it up and unfolded it. There was a handwritten note. It simply read, "I know you're here. I know you're hiding him. I will find you both, and then it'll be your turn to run the race. We all have to run at some point."
I had no idea what that meant, but my body still provided goosebumps. Who was trying to find me? Who was the second person? Why leave a note in my AC vent? What the hell did run the race mean? I hadn't run a race since elementary school and wasn't planning to do so any time soon. Did they mean the rat race? Because I was basically marathoning that motherfucker already.
"Jesus Christ," I said, shaking my head. "What else, universe?"
As if it were a well-practiced comedy routine, the universe responded. My back passenger door swung open, and I heard footsteps running away from my car. I sprung up and scrambled to get out. There wasn't anyone else in the lot that I could see, but very clearly, someone had been hiding in my backseat.
My nerves were shot already, and this was not something I wanted to deal with at the moment. My brain decided that to avoid a breakdown, I needed to shift into automatic mode and just get back to the safety of my apartment. I'd be more prepared to deal with this – whatever it was – in the morning.
Either that or I'd jump in front of a bus. Both sounded satisfying, albeit in different ways.
***
"There he is," Gloria said as soon as I turned down the hallway. I looked up and noticed a small cabal of my neighbors standing in a semi-circle, waiting for me. They all look displeased.
"Hey guys," I said, confused. "I miss an invite for a block party?"
"What do you have to say for yourself?"
"About?"
"Don't play dumb," another neighbor said, jabbing their finger in my direction.
"I'm not playing," I said, realizing the self-burn only after the words escaped my lips.
Gloria showed me the screen on her phone. It was a static shot of her door from across the hall. She pressed play, and nothing happened for a beat until something darted across the screen. That was the whole thing. I looked up at her, my face twisted up in confusion.
"Well," she said, "What do you have to say?"
"What was that?" I asked.
"That was you!" the pointing neighbor said, pointing harder than I thought possible.
"What?" I said, laughing. "Are you all serious?" They didn't laugh, and I realized they weren't joking. "How can you even tell it's me? It's a blur. Never mind the fact I've been at work for the last five hours. Plus, this blur is half my size. I get we're all weirded out about the Phantom Runner, but it's not me. I swear to God. I don't even have the energy to think about running, let alone the physical desire to."
"Then explain this," Gloria said, slightly swaying from the half bottle of Pinot Noir coursing through her blood. She rewound the video and froze it on a specific frame. I couldn't believe my eyes, but I was looking at...me. Or, rather, something pretending to be me.
"What the fuck?" I said, my jaw dropping.
"Still think we're lying?" the pointer said smugly.
"No, but, guys, this isn't me. I... I've been at work. Wanna see my schedule?"
I reached into my phone and pulled it out. There was an email with my work schedule that confirmed what I was saying. They relaxed, and, for the first time, anger gave way to fear. Their very plausible explanation was suddenly invalid. It left two implausible answers floating in the ether: either I had a pint-sized doppelganger terrorizing the hallways of my apartment, or a ghost was haunting the building.
"I'm...gonna go inside," the pointer said, walking back to their home. Everyone else drifted away until it was just Gloria and I standing alone in the hallway.
She looked at me and sighed, "I feel like an asshole," she said. "Sorry I accused you of causing the racket."
"If I had seen the video, I would've thought the same thing," I said. "We're good."
"What do you think it is?" she asked.
I shrugged and let out an exhausted sigh. "Honestly, Gloria, I've had a screwed-up night already, and this is the cherry on top of the shit sundae; forgive my language. I don't have the mental bandwidth to even comprehend what's on the video at the moment."
"Think it's after you?" she asked, though I suspected the wine had forced her to put that idea out into the universe. As I had already seen, the universe seemed to take requests on my behalf.
"Maybe it's after you?" I said, coming off a little meaner than I intended, but I didn't care. I left her there to contemplate that scenario and went into my apartment.
As soon as the door shut behind me, I felt on edge. Just because I didn't have the mental bandwidth to discuss the doppelganger didn't mean it wasn't dominating my thoughts. I saw the frame of the video. The damn ghost looked exactly like me. What could that possibly mean? I know I had wished for death, but I was very still alive. I had rent due to prove that.
Did I happen to live in a place haunted by a ghost that looked strikingly like me? Was it some kid with a passing resemblance just causing chaos? Was it something else I couldn't even comprehend – an alien? A clone? A secret government project?
There was a thumping coming from the hallway. The mini Usain Bolt was at it again. I knew the neighbors would ignore it. Since they had all thought it was me, which was proven to be untrue, they would avoid the running man from now on. While curious and confused by the creature, they'd never put themselves in harm's way to discover what it was. They were not a brave lot.
Neither was I, but maybe my life crumbling around me had forced my hand. I walked over to my door and swung it open. I hit record on my phone, stuck it out like a periscope, and glanced around the hallway. Nobody was there. No neighbors were looking. No person was running.
"You gotta stop, man. I need to go to sleep," I said to the empty space. No response, not that I was expecting one.
I turned to walk back in, and I caught something out of the corner of my eye. A face at the end of the hallway peeked around the corner. For a quick second, we locked eyes, and it was like I was looking into a mirror. This thing was me. But...how?
I tried to get it on video, but it ducked back into the shadows. I took that as a cue to shut and lock my door. My heart was racing, and I didn't want to think about this anymore, but I couldn't help it. There was a me in the hallway who enjoyed pestering my neighbors. Worse, they liked to run for some ungodly reason.
I put my phone on the counter, the video still rolling, when there was a knock at my door. It echoed in my near-empty apartment. I tried to ignore it and convince myself it was something else, but it wasn't. The ghost was knocking on my door. Even with my brain paralyzed, I couldn't help but think that it was awfully polite to knock.
Another knock, this one more forceful. I wondered if the neighbors thought I was making this up?
"I know you're in there," a voice said. It sounded just like me. "This is about the race. We all have to run the race. It's your turn now."
I froze. My legs went wobbly like a boxer on the brink of a blackout, but I stayed tall. I opened my mouth to speak and found the words dying in my throat. I grabbed a nearby bottle of water and took a chug.
"We all have to run the race."
"What race?" I choked out, "What are you talking about?"
"Open up. They're in there already, and I need to get them."
I glanced all around my empty apartment. I didn't see anyone else in here. I didn't hear anything. Whatever this thing was, it was lying. I grabbed my phone and held it in my hand. I wanted to document this to prove that I wasn't crazy.
“Did you leave the note?”
“I know they’re in there with you,” it repeated.
"There's no one in here," I said.
"They're hiding. I think I know where. I can hear them."
"You've gotta get out of here," I said. "There's nothing here, and you're scaring people."
"I'm scared, and you should be! You have to run the race, man! Open up, and I can show you."
The handle started to shake. I peered through the keyhole and only saw the top of the other me's head. They began to shoulder the door, and it crunched against my nose. I screamed out in pain and stumbled back. I tripped over my feet and landed hard on my ass.
The thing slammed into the door two more times, shaking the walls. The strength seemed unnatural. On the third hit, the door burst open. I finally got a view of the thing. It was me. Scaled down by half, but it was me. We both seemed shocked.
"You're so much taller up close," the other me said.
"Who the fuck are you?"
I felt a buzzing in my feet that seemed to climb up my body until it reached my brain. There was an intense pain that rippled through the folds of my mind. Through the pain, I could hear a disembodied voice whisper, "We all must run the race. We all have to run. Chase it. Chase yourself." It felt like my skull was going to split in two. I clutched the sides of my head and let out a primal scream that hurt my own ears.
Then it was gone. But I could still feel the echoes in my mind. "We all have to run the race. We all have to run." The thought would waver between making no sense and making complete sense. One second, I was questioning what was happening to my mind, and the next, all I felt was the desire to continue the race.
"There he is!" the other me yelled, pointing at the hallway.
I glanced over and saw another version of me standing in the hallway. It was half the size of the other me that had broken into my place. When tiny me locked eyes with my intruder, he ran for the open hallway closet.
The other me followed, screaming that it would catch the little bastard if it was the last thing he'd do. I pushed myself up to my feet and felt queasy. I watched as the other me ran head-first into the closet without slowing. I expected to hear a loud thump as it hit the back wall but none came.
"We all have to run the race," the voice in my head said, soothing my nerves. "It's your time to run the race."
I moved down the hallway, each footfall echoing loudly in the empty apartment, each step bringing me closer to the closet door. Something was drawing me there. The voice's words echoed in my mind as well: "We all have to run the race. It's your turn now."
I grabbed the door and stopped. Something was compelling me to move forward. To go into the closet. To chase myself. To run the race.
"No," I whispered and yanked my hand from the door. I pulled out my still recording phone, and stared into the camera. My face was devoid of color, and you could see the fear etched into me. "I'm freaking out because...because…"
I stopped. I felt an invisible hand grab my body and tug. "Because...because if I don't run the race, something bad will happen. I have to chase it. I...I have to."
My phone dropped from my hand, and I didn’t care. The force pulling me forward stopped but my body kept going. I could feel the last strands of my rational mind splintering. My thoughts became focused on one thing: I had to catch myself, find out what was happening, and run the race. If I ran, maybe I'd win.
I needed a win.
I walked into the back of the closet and felt a door handle sticking out of the wall. I'd been in that closet a million times before and never had seen this. But a sense of calm washed over me. This….this was supposed to be here. This was perfectly fine.
I turned the handle and pulled open the invisible door. In front of me was a hallway that looked strikingly like the one outside my apartment. At the end of the hallway, I saw Gloria step out of their home to leave for the night. She was huge. Twice my size, easy.
Another door opened, and I saw...me—a giant version of me. The Hulk version of me was getting ready to go to the grocery store for work. I watched as the giant Gloria and giant me joked and laughed. I was stunned.
I stared, and a new thought came to me. I have to find the smaller me and talk to it. I needed to find out if there's a way out of this...this….
"It's your turn to run," the voice said.
Calm embraced me. "It's my turn to run," I repeated. As the giant me took off and the giant Gloria re-entered her apartment, the hallway beckoned.
"We all have to run the race," I said softly, "It's my turn now."
I started running.

Been rated for headaches for years now, but decided to go in again to follow up. I went in a decade ago for neck pain and headaches and got brushed off. Tried chiropractic, because i couldn't get anything else. No progress.
Have been to urgent care a handful of times when my neck seized up. Muscle relaxers, no progress.
Went to a private provider a few years back after my neck locked up a few times in a month. Did physical therapy. No real progress.
Headaches and pain have been getting worse, so I said, eff it. Let me go to primary care and see if I can get something, anything. She listened. I actually got an MRI, which detected an abnormality in my brain/skull. The diagnosis is something I've never heard of, but the symptoms 100% match my pains.
Here's your PSA to get help. Eventually a doctor will listen. You can find the cause of your pain. And you can get help! Do it!

Ok, so... I'm gonna start this by saying I blame myself and hate myself and I'm heartbroken.
Malcolm has been living with me in my car for over two years now. I got him when he was a tiny baby, I was told he was 3 weeks old or so, and I put him on my shoulder and we were inseparable. He is a loose rat, lives in the car, everything is organized around his (and his "brother's" comfort. He sleeps on me, loves to cuddle, and is the light of my life. He is a very special rat. For the past month I've been staying with my mum but the rats have been in the car. I take them into the house for a few hours every day, usually from around 7pm until 1am - during the day they sleep and after 1am I sleep, so it seemed like a reasonable arrangement. It's still fewer hours than I'm used to spending with Mal, but I told myself it's ok. Today I couldn't find him in the car. I started to panic - I only opened it once today to find something in a bag in the back, but he didn't spend time on that side of the car, so it would have been very unlikely for hom to fall out. He'd never fallen out of the car before. My parents kept telling me to wait until tomorrow to find him because it was too dark, but I just couldn't. Finally I found him. I don't know why he was there, but he was in a crevice where I usually keep things, he doesn't go there. It soon became obvious why he didn't come to me when I was looking for him - his hind legs are not working. I have so many questions. Did I cause him to become stuck when I moved that bag? How long was he there? Did he get there before his legs stopped working? Did he have a stroke? Pulled muscles? Something else? And was that caused because he was stuck? Or was he stuck because his legs weren't working? There was a way for him to leave, there was plentynof room for him to crawl out, so I'm guessing... oh god, so many questions, so much confusion. So much blame. So much wishing I could turn back time and pay better attention. Now he is not eating. He drank water and nibbled on a little bit of chocolate (I thought he deserved to be spoiled for the horrors he went through) but he stopped wanting even the chocolate. He also keeps falling off surfaces, he just... slides off a couch sometimes. Like, drags himself until he falls. I have to keep an eye on him. I'm not letting him sleep in the car again. But... it has occurred to me that I have never watched my own pet grow old. I have had many pets in my life, but not MY pets. The pets my family had either didn't get to grow old or I wasn't there when they did. I knew that rats living in captivity are lucky if they get past 2y, but I always naively expected Mal to be special in that regard, too. I lived in constant fear that my neglicence (I have ADHD and it's always been a problem) will kill him and I preemptively hated myself for that. That's why I quickly started blaming myself for this, even though I don't actually know what happened and maybe, just maybe, was his life happy the way it was. But the other option is that my rat is old and deteriorating. And I'm not ready.

I am obese and miserable. I need workout routine advice for this summer. My future depends on it.
I am a 17m who is at a height of 6’2 and weighing about 282lbs as of today. My horrendously unhealthy eating habits began since I was 9.
For eight years I have been binge eating to cope with stress and sadness. I’d consume approximately 4000 calories today and to make things worse I have lived a sedentary life style. I am also autistic which further exacerbated my anxiety which in turn causes me higher levels of constant stress.
Over the years I have gained depression and severe self confidence and inferiority complex issues. My confidence is at a point to where I refuse to walk outside without layers of jackets on me regardless of how hot it is outside because I can’t stand how disgusting and gross I look.
The fat mainly built up in my stomach / abdomen area and the added gravity has put a toll on my spine and caused it to bend inward which caused me kyphosis. The kyphosis has worsened my appearance due to the build up of a hump and gave me an incredibly abnormal posture.
The only thing that is keeping me from dying is the fact that I inherited my fathers metabolism so my weight essentially stabilized itself. But my metabolism will slow down eventually so starting a workout routine is urgent and vital if I want to have a future.
So I ask you guys this, what workout routine would be best for me, a 17m who’s 6’2, weighing 282lbs, suffering chronic back pain, and suffering from muscle weakness. I need a workout routine that can guarantee me to lose at least 50lbs by the end of October and also build up muscle.

So I’ve got 318 hours of taping under my belt, and it had been going okay… I was really learning to adjust to it. But a couple of weeks ago, I went too much tension for too long and ended up making my dick feel hurt when even just doing light manual stretching the day after. I took a whole week off and waited to do t-taping again after that, and since then have been logging less hours and listening to my body a lot more.
But unfortunately I can’t even do low tension now without feeling what I believe to be ligament pain. I don’t know how relevant it is, but I DO have a genetically inherited connective tissue disorder known as Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (yes I know said illness recently got posted about to the sub this week lol, I’m not that user’s aforementioned friend though) and that already makes me susceptible to a lot of connective tissue related issues, including…

• Joint subluxations or dislocations
• Muscle pain
• Back pain
• Issues with my knees
• My skin takes longer to heal and gets red/scratched easier

So… I don’t know if it is related to that. But I’ve decided that, for now, I have to stop using any tension based device and switch exclusively to manual tugging, which does not cause me any pain and which allows me absolute precision both with tension and with where exactly I am tugging. which of course is the scar line since I am using Andre’s Method.
I dunno… I’m just feeling discouraged... wondering if this is my fault or if my body is just different genetically in a way that makes me more susceptible to issues with tensioning devices. Do you guys have any advice? I have managed to get myself to a CI-2 with taping though, so it wasn’t all for naught!
I think maybe the Foreskinned Air will be a more viable option for me once I hit CI-3 or CI-4 — any thoughts on that?

呪われたテクニック:ギャンブラーのガーディアン (Cursed Technique: Gambler's Guardians)

The Gambler's Guardians CT is a shikigami technique that employs the use of chance and a deck of cards to summon guardians to combat opponents. The user cannot choose which shikigami is summoned as the medium between summoning these shikigami is a deck of cards that the user always has. The user may withhold these cards to be used as a later date or to lead to the use of the user's DE.

Drawbacks Of Gambler's Guardians

1. Due to its unpredictability, you may not draw the right card for the situation or even be unable to summon a shikigami at all.
   
2. It's a very risky, yet powerful technique as the cards must physically be drawn for the shikigami to be summoned.
   
3. All the shikigami's main weakness is fire as they will become a pile of ash in a matter of seconds [as this is the main and almost only weakness for all the shikigami, it will not be repeated and only shikigami specific weaknesses will be mentioned going forward].
   

呪われた道具:プレイヤーの野望 (Cursed Tool: Player's Ambition)

The Player's Ambition Cursed Tool is a tool that is created directly from the user's CE. It is tied to the user's CE and can always be created again by the user whenever it is destroyed. The cards in this deck are extremely durable as if made of a titanium alloy while still retaining its flexibility. These cards can be very useful for other Sorcerers as the deck always has a full suit of cards [that never repeat until all have been used once] that can cause a lot of damage. As for the user, these cards serve as both the medium and a powerful offensive tool for combat. However, just like modern decks, two jokers have been placed. These two jokers are required for the user to activate their DE, if the user does not have a DE then these two jokers are used as diversions to trick or further damage opponents. When the shikigami is summoned, the card drops to the card and expands to the required size for the shikigami to exit the card as if it's a portal. Both the size and the body of the shikigami depends on how quickly it exits the card.

ギャンブラーのガーディアン:エース (Gambler's Guardians: Ace)

The Ace shikigami is a shikigami that helps smooth the flow of the user's CE and increase the user's CE output. The shikigami is in the form of a large skinny robed figure that bears the symbol of the card that is drawn [A spade for the Ace Of Spades, a heart for the Ace Of Hearts and so on]. Aceis quite physically powerful and smart as it will get very creative with its attack and almost never do something in the literal sense. The Ace is extremely lanky and has arms that almost drag on the ground on the floor. The boost from this shikigami lasts for a varying amount of time depending on which Ace is drawn. The Ace takes advantage of its long arms and powerful enhancement boosting abilities to quickly attack in swiping strikes from a distance. Ace is the manifestation of the user's grief and regret of indulging in their addiction as they have lost the love and warmth of those who were close, yet pushed away.

ギャンブラーのガーディアン:スペードのエース (Gambler's Guardians: Ace Of Spades)

The Spades variation of the Ace shikigami can be seen as the more base version of the Ace as it still retains all regular details aforementioned, but with the added detail of skin as white as snow and hands the size of a shovel’s blade. The enhancement ability aforementioned is not changed much as it still can enhance the flow of CE in the user and boost the overall strength of itself. Although it can now enhance the durability of different objects to the level of a titanium alloy.

Gambler's Guardians: Ace Of Hearts

The Hearts variation of Ace sees some very drastic changes when compared to the Spade variation. The Ace Of Hearts can be seen with the same snow white skin, but this time it seems to have brought red outlines where its nonexistent veins should be. These “veins” are visible all along its body. The Ace Of Hearts no longer smooths the flow of the user's CE, but instead is able to reverse some damages to both it and the user. The Ace Of Hearts takes advantage of this healing factor with its higher amount of agility, but this healing factor and agility come with the loss of strength. The Ace Of Hearts is much weaker and not suited for close hand to hand combat, but instead will use debris from the fight to throw at the opponents while at points jumping towards the user to heal them. The Ace Of Hearts is able to climb up buildings extremely quickly and is another very useful part of the user's chance filled arsenal.

Gambler's Guardians: Ace Of Diamonds

The Ace Of Diamonds is the more defensive variation and it will always put its life at bay to keep its master safe. It is much more bulky than its previous variations and uses this bulky-ness to shield the user with its body. The Ace Of Diamonds has the same snow white skin and the same blood red “veins”, but with the added factor of its major difference in size when compared to the other variations. The Ace Of Diamonds is also the most physically powerful variation as it can throw things like cars with ease, possibly even buses if it tried. This variation of Ace can reinforce its own skin to that of diamonds, at the cost of being unable to apply any boosts to others.

Gambler's Guardians: Ace Of Clubs

The Ace Of Clubs is the much more offensive variation of Ace as it trades away some of its high durability to gain more agility and muscle strength. Combining this increase in agility and muscle strength with its newfound aggressiveness and large hood, it can quickly apply large amounts of pressure onto anything as it mercilessly attacks the target. The Ace Of Clubs will also use it's surroundings heavily to apply further pressure, whether that be from grabbing and throwing the target into something, or picking up something and using it as a weapon.

Gambler’s Guardians: Two

These shikigami mainly focus on supporting the user as all of their variations focus on buffing their capabilities in some form, whether that be applying a protective CE shield over the user or simply healing the user. However, these shikigami are very weak and require something to protect them or else little value will be gained from summoning them. The shikigami almost look like [biblically accurate] angels about the size of a bike, the only difference is that they are made purely of the card they were summoned with, hence why their durability is so low and can very easily be shut down.

Gambler's Guardians: Two Of Spades

The Two Of Spades variation is [just like Ace Of Spades] the base variation of Two. The Two Of Spades summons two smaller shikigami that both can apply barriers of CE onto objects or even people. These barriers are not the strongest and can barely survive a single hit from something such as a grade 2 and above, but they can allow for some defense especially as it can tank at least a single hit which can potentially save the user's life.

Gambler's Guardians: Two Of Hearts

The Two Of Hearts variation allows the shikigami to be able to reverse damage to anything, but not the position [ex. If a wall was knocked down and shattered, these shikigami can reverse the damage it sustained to an extent, but not being it back to its upright position unless they somehow lift it back up] to a certain extent. No, these shikigami can NOT reverse death, the worst injury they can reverse on a human being or animal is a broken bone [unless the bone is completely shattered]. Anything more can potentially cause more pain for the user while killing the shikigami in the process.

Gambler's Guardians: Two Of Diamonds

The Two Of Diamonds variation can apply a much more durable shield than Two Of Spades, at the cost of its own speed and tapping into the user's CE reserves. This allows for a much stronger shield that can repair itself as long as the user’s CE reserves are full. These shields can survive multiple hits from a semi-grade 1 and potentially a few hits from a grade 1 sorcerer or curse. However, if the shikigami attempts to keep up the shield for too long, it will overload itself and burn up in a flash of CE. The CE used to summon these shikigami will be returned if this happens.

Gambler's Guardians: Two Of Clubs

The Two Of Clubs is the fastest variation of Two, but at the cost of its own durability. These shikigami often will apply a shield onto itself [rather than the user] and fly into a target to cause physical damage, taking advantage of its shield and speed. However, because it is so weak durability wise, so are its shields. Its shields cannot survive more than 2 hits from most sources without shattering. Even though these shields are weak, the shattering effect that happens when they break can potentially harm others [this includes the user].

Gambler's Guardians: Three

Three is a trio of shikigami that look similarly to the finger bearer cursed spirit, but Three are pure white with either black or red accents depending on which card was used to summon them and the symbol of the card on its back. They are also smaller than the finger bearer, reaching a height of about 4’4. Three is more so focused on being a supporting attacker to overwhelm an opponent, rather than taking the attention off of the user [with the exception of Three Of Clubs]. Three is very much average in all ways, but makes up for it with its speed, being able to quickly overwhelm a target.

Gambler's Guardians: Three Of Spades

The Three Of Spades is very fast and can even sneak up on opponents as it is able to dig its claws into objects and hold itself on ceilings or walls. Three Of Spades is very overwhelming as it takes advantage of its speed and strength to even break through walls to catch an opponent off guard, but will ultimately choose to protect the user even if it means death. Most of the time, Three Of Spades will stick closely to the user, but in a hidden position where they cannot be easily noticed while even hiding their own CE to an extent.

Gambler's Guardians: Three Of Hearts

The Three Of Hearts shikigami is the same looking shikigami, the only difference is that one of them specializes in physical attacks, one specializes in psychological confusion, and the last specializes in attacking the soul. The one that specializes in physical attacks is slightly above average in strength, speed and durability, but can grow claws on both its hands and feet to attempt to cause bleeding. The one that specializes in psychological confusion can release a gas that, if inhaled, will cause the victim to have hallucinations that could go from minor to severe depending on how much of the gas is inhaled. Finally, the one that specializes in attacking the soul is below average in physical strength and durability, but makes up for it with its speed and ability to cause irreversible damage.

Gambler's Guardians: Three Of Diamonds

The Three Of Diamonds are much more durable and physically powerful and the form they take represents that. They have a lot more visible muscle on them and the accents are less tattoos and actually are an unknown metallic material that is highly durable. This armour does not cover its whole body, but it does allow protection on the shikigami's arms, legs, and partially their chest. The armour is on these parts as it is a physical attacker rather than using some other ranged attack. The Three Of Diamonds are also a bit bigger than that of the rest of the variations of Three, reaching a height of 4’11.

Gambler's Guardians: Three Of Clubs

The Three Of Clubs variation can all merge together, forming a much larger and stronger shikigami, reaching the height of 5’8. Each summoned shikigami has a different part of the Clubs symbol on their back, when the three parts decide to form or the user tells them to merge, they become the powerful shikigami as mentioned before with the finished symbol of Clubs. More info on this combination will be stated below, for now information on Three Of Clubs will be talked about. The Three Of Clubs focuses more on hard hitting attacks, rather than stealthy ambushes. It loses its stealth, but instead it has a new merging gimmick and slightly increased strength and durability when compared to Three Of Spades.

Gambler's Guardians: Three Of A Kind

The Three Of A Kind shikigami is the result of when all three shikigami of Three Of Clubs merge together. The Three Of A Kind is very powerful and uses the same fighting style that the user does with the added benefits of a massive strength, durability and speed boost. The Three Of A Kind can apply a lot of pressure and can even revert back into the three separate shikigami it was before on command to dodge a potential hit from an enemy. However, the longer the shikigami are in this merged form, the weaker they will get as they have a time limit that is represented by the tattoo of the clubs on its back slowly fading from the top of the clubs down. It does slowly regenerate while not in the merged state and when it isn't even summoned. Trying to push past this state can allow a few extra seconds of strength, but ultimately will end with this shikigami to burn up in a flash of CE and the card used to summon it will be burned from the deck.

Gambler's Guardians: Four

Gambler's Guardians: Four Of Spades

Gambler's Guardians: Four Of Hearts

Gambler's Guardians: Four Of Diamonds

Gambler's Guardians: Four Of Clubs

Gambler's Guardians: Five

Gambler's Guardians: Five Of Spades

Gambler's Guardians: Five Of Hearts

Gambler's Guardians: Five Of Diamonds

Gambler's Guardians: Five Of Clubs

Gambler's Guardians: Six

Gambler's Guardians: Six Of Spades

Gambler's Guardians: Six Of Hearts

Gambler's Guardians: Six Of Diamonds

Gambler's Guardians: Six Of Clubs

Gambler's Guardians: Seven

Gambler's Guardians: Seven Of Spades

Gambler's Guardians: Seven Of Hearts

Gambler's Guardians: Seven Of Diamonds

Gambler's Guardians: Seven Of Clubs

Gambler's Guardians: Eight

Gambler's Guardians: Eight Of Spades

Gambler's Guardians: Eight Of Hearts

Gambler's Guardians: Eight Of Diamonds

Gambler's Guardians: Eight Of Clubs

Gambler's Guardians: Nine

Gambler's Guardians: Nine Of Spades

Gambler's Guardians: Nine Of Hearts

Gambler's Guardians: Nine Of Diamonds

Gambler's Guardians: Nine Of Clubs

Gambler's Guardians: Ten

Gambler's Guardians: Ten Of Spades

Gambler's Guardians: Ten Of Hearts

Gambler's Guardians: Ten Of Diamonds

Gambler's Guardians: Ten Of Clubs

Gambler's Guardians: Jack

Gambler's Guardians: Jack Of Spades

Gambler's Guardians: Jack Of Hearts

Gambler's Guardians: Jack Of Diamonds

Gambler's Guardians: Jack Of Clubs

Gambler's Guardians: Queen

Gambler's Guardians: Queen Of Spades

Gambler's Guardians: Queen Of Hearts

Gambler's Guardians: Queen Of Diamonds

Gambler's Guardians: Queen Of Clubs

Gambler's Guardians: King

Gambler's Guardians: King Of Spades

Gambler's Guardians: King Of Hearts

Gambler's Guardians: King Of Diamonds

Gambler's Guardians: King Of Clubs

Extension Technique: Full House

This Extension Technique allows the user to overload their cards with CE, allowing the capabilities of the shikigami to be heightened [ex. More durability, faster, stronger, special gimmicks have a stronger influence, ect], but burning the card after being used. When this happens, the card is less likely to be pulled again or even just not even to be pulled from that deck ever again, forcing the user to attempt to artificially create another deck they can use from their CE.

Domain Expansion: Joker's Last Cabaret

When this DE is activated, both the user and the opponents will be placed in the midst of a casino filled with different cards flying everywhere extremely fast [fast enough to cut the skin on a human being]. As soon as one of these cards draws blood and they land flat on a surface [face down], the corresponding shikigami of that card will be summoned with the person the card had hit as their target. These shikigami will not target any other person until the original target is felled. Once that target is defeated the shikigami will explode into a flurry of cards, allowing for more shikigami to be summoned. The user can concentrate CE to slightly direct the cards into a target, but then these cards that were directed turn into blank cards that have no other use than as a physical weapon rather than an intermediary. The Joker cards will burn up after this DE is summoned, meaning this DE can never be used again unless the user can focus enough CE onto another set of Joker cards.

I've been on lamictal (lamotrigine) for about a year to manage bipolar. I've had ongoing stomach and bowel issues since childhood, even having to homeschool for awhile during high school because of it. My problems have almost always been lower Gl with mainly IBS symptoms. Over the past few months, my stomach and esophagus have been really painful and it just seemed to keep getting worse. Everything I ate gave me pain and reflux, I was miserable. I also have had oral thrush since February and it was unsuccessfully treated then and then I tried to treat it again late April. On the second dose of the anti fungal I had a horrible reaction that left me doubled over in pain in the ER. After that I was unable to eat almost anything. For the past almost 2 months I have only eaten a few hundred calories a day of bland, non-acidic, non seasoned, nondairy, low fat meals. It takes me well over an hour to eat the smallest amount of food and I always feel sick and painful after. My endoscopy and colonoscopy were not scheduled until July but when I told my doctor about my 20 pound weight loss and my quality of life, he moved it up. I had the procedure Monday (yesterday) and he said that I do not have GERD like he thought before but I have slow gastric emptying and inflammation in my esophagus and stomach. I've been taking pantopazole for the past month and a half because they thought it was GERD. He now says that my slow gastric emptying is caused by the lamictal. Which kind of makes sense because l've had the dose increased several times and my stomach has gotten worse over that period of time. He tr several samples to be biopsied so l'm just waiting to hear back. Has lamictal caused this for anyone else?

I've been on lamictal (lamotrigine) for about a year to manage bipolar. I've had ongoing stomach and bowel issues since childhood, even having to homeschool for awhile during high school because of it. My problems have almost always been lower Gl with mainly IBS symptoms. Over the past few months, my stomach and esophagus have been really painful and it just seemed to keep getting worse. Everything I ate gave me pain and reflux, I was miserable. I also have had oral thrush since February and it was unsuccessfully treated then and then I tried to treat it again late April. On the second dose of the anti fungal I had a horrible reaction that left me doubled over in pain in the ER. After that I was unable to eat almost anything. For the past almost 2 months I have only eaten a few hundred calories a day of bland, non-acidic, non seasoned, nondairy, low fat meals. It takes me well over an hour to eat the smallest amount of food and I always feel sick and painful after. My endoscopy and colonoscopy were not scheduled until July but when I told my doctor about my 20 pound weight loss and my quality of life, he moved it up. I had the procedure Monday (yesterday) and he said that I do not have GERD like he thought before but I have slow gastric emptying and inflammation in my esophagus and stomach. I've been taking pantopazole for the past month and a half because they thought it was GERD. He now says that my slow gastric emptying is caused by the lamictal. Which kind of makes sense because l've had the dose increased several times and my stomach has gotten worse over that period of time. He tr several samples to be biopsied so l'm just waiting to hear back. Has lamictal caused this for anyone else?

Hi, is anyone here with this kind of pain post covid? Also, pain in arms muscles. Im on Cromolyn for GI problems post covid (burning mouth, throat, migraines) it helps amazingly, the only medicine that helps me, but doctors still dont know whether its MCAS that also causes my pain. Its been 4 yrs. They want to try biologics now, for possible arthritis, but Im scared like hell of side effects, I react to many medication (never anaphylaxis)

I’ve been on lamictal (lamotrigine) for about a year to manage bipolar. I’ve had ongoing stomach and bowel issues since childhood, even having to homeschool for awhile during high school because of it. My problems have almost always been lower GI with mainly IBS symptoms. Over the past few months, my stomach and esophagus have been really painful and it just seemed to keep getting worse. Everything I ate gave me pain and reflux, I was miserable. I also have had oral thrush since February and it was unsuccessfully treated then and then I tried to treat it again late April. On the second dose of the anti fungal I had a horrible reaction that left me doubled over in pain in the ER. After that I was unable to eat almost anything. For the past almost 2 months I have only eaten a few hundred calories a day of bland, non-acidic, non seasoned, nondairy, low fat meals. It takes me well over an hour to eat the smallest amount of food and I always feel sick and painful after. My endoscopy and colonoscopy were not scheduled until July but when I told my doctor about my 20 pound weight loss and my quality of life, he moved it up. I had the procedure Monday (yesterday) and he said that I do not have GERD like he thought before but I have slow gastric emptying and inflammation in my esophagus and stomach. I’ve been taking pantopazole for the past month and a half because they thought it was GERD. He now says that my slow gastric emptying is caused by the lamictal. Which kind of makes sense because I’ve had the dose increased several times and my stomach has gotten worse over that period of time. He took several samples to be biopsied so I’m just waiting to hear back. Has lamictal caused this for anyone else?

30yr old female, ten years in the military, single mom, lots of trauma.
I am currently going through the process of being diagnosed with Bipolar II.
I am reaching out because I have spent precious hours or sleep and working hours (called off) reading this reddit bipolar2. I'm has made so much sense to me, especially some of the Posts that made so much sense it felt like it was about me.
I have been treated for mental health since 2013. (19/20yr) It started in the navy after I had a sexual trauma. I was having anxiety attacks, I couldn't be in the workshop without feeling anxiety so intense I was either going to cry rage or run to the bathroom and hide while I try to calm myself. They started me on Prozac and at the time it helped with the anxiety attacks. But I still had high anxiety and I have had depression episodes that felt never ending. The navy doctors never diagnosed me due to certain diagnosis could effect your job. So they would say things like adjustment disorder (which is only 6 months) or traits of BPD, generalized anxiety and depression, and they would test my most severe symptoms. I always thought it was weird that they're giving me drugs before an diagnosis. Even now that I'm a veteran and using the VA it's the same issue. I'm getting a certain set of drug options.
It feels like ok you can have a turkey sandwich, ham, chicken, but those are the options. You can try the turkey with the ham. They would only offer me antidepressants and I have been on almost every single one except paxil and amitriptyline (which I would have happily tried since I have stomach issues too)
Fast forward to now. I have mostly been effected by anxiety and depression. I'll be anxious so much so that I go numb. I don't care about anything. I just want to sleep. I don't do hygiene well(which boggles my brain since I usually have to take one before work and one before bed, due to my trauma I feel a layer of filth that won't go away with a shower) I do the bare minimum for myself and even my kid. The anxiety is constant. My mind is always racing. I used to say it feels like I'm in a racquet ball court and there's thousands of balls bouncing and ricocheting in the glass box. Now I've learned it's called FOI. The difference between the anxiety and depression for me is I can be anxious and not depressed. But my anxiety causes me to be depressed and it can last months. Sometimes it feels like years. It's like sometimes my depression is louder than the anxiety and sometimes my anxiety is louder. It's like my psyche can't handle the anxiety and so it just switches off.
This has effected my family my job and my relationships both friends and boyfriend.
I will feel like I'm not myself.
Things I love I can't motivate myself enough to go enjoy like being outside or swimming. Not even for my kid. It's awful.
I have had a lot of traumatic experience as a child, I.e. physical, emotional, verbal and sexual, both to me and my brother and mom. Because of the abuse it is assumed I might have PTSD or BPD by the doctor I was seeing at the time. But I didn't feel like I had all of the specifiers for either of those. Plus I've had trauma at such a young age it's hard to know what's normal for me and what's not.
By the time I was in my mid twenties I had several patterns of severe depression periods and everytime I came out of the depression I thought I was "cured" the antidepressants were helping, the consistent lifestyle that's now structured is helping, etc. And I would be so relieved from the crushing depression that I didn't question or think about the energy I was having or if it's weird that I traded the depression for other issues like spending too much money, dating men too fast or not in a healthy manner, I was just relieved to be social and going out of my house. I thought I was making bad decisions because I'm a piece of shit and need to try harder to be decent. I'd clean my house, do more things for my kid, basically function like an adult, if not a little extreme.
The times I had a new doctor and they did the generic screening questions I always felt like the bipolar was too extreme for me to fit. My best friend is bipolar and I was not as intense as her. Same as my ex-husband. So I didn't think I was possibly bipolar.
But in my mid twenties, I was starting to wonder why I wasn't getting better, why do I have there ups and downs, it feels like a cycle or a pattern (not a pattern that makes sense)
I asked my doctor if the depression was resistant and I asked why the meds weren't working. I have ADHD (possibly just whatever mental health disorder causing ADHD symptoms?)so I would ask the doctor if maybe the ADHD was causing/manifesting the anxiety or exacerbated it. I read ADHD can make you more susceptible to anxiety and depression.
Basically a lot of Mental health issues share a lot ofbtje same symptoms. I read about the personality disorders and clusters A,B and C. I read the dsm 5 tr specifiers for mood disorders and other mental health issues.
With the help of dsm 5, the specifiers made me realize I have more to my mind than just anxiety and depression.
I'm currently waiting on an extensive screening with the VA to see what's going on.
The nurse practitioner I'm seeing now thinks it could be bipolar II. I hope it's not but I also feel like if it's a diagnosis that can help my treatment then fine. At this point I just want to feel better.
I've been diagnosed with ADHD, traits of BPD, generalized anxiety and depression, PTSD. Most of these didn't feel like they fit me. I would be depressed and that depression would crush me and make me not take care of myself or my home or I was moving so fast, up and about being the Energizer Bunny until I burned myself out and then I was back to being useless.
The DSM 5 specifiers pointed out that I had more than just the anxiety and depression. Some for major depression disorder (MDD), I did see why they might see traits of BPD since I had childhood trauma and there's some patterns of changing jobs and relationships. But I don't feel like I have a lot of fear from abandonment and my moods feel more like I don't have control of them. BPD seems more like your thoughts control your moods and feelings but for me I feel more like I'm being jerked around. I'll start to have energy and the depression lifts to boom, I'm depressed again don't want to shower work or socialize. It's horrible and makes me feel like I'm a horrible person.
I'm hoping by expressing my concern of the pattern/ cycle of depression and anxiety more similar to the hypomania and depression to my provider that the treatment could shift towards a new treatment that's more appropriate.
Right now the provider and I suspect it could be bipolar II. She started me on vraylar but I'm waiting for the VA to approve the prescription. She told me to stop taking the Zoloft 100mg I'm on(which normally I would titrate so I don't have effects from stopping suddenly). I'm having a nervous breakdown. Like I was bad before and now stopping the Zoloft is like gasoline on my mood. I'm not going to work I'm so anxious. So I went to the walk in clinic at the VA and they put me on a low dose of Seroquel. That has been hard. I'm on day two and I'm so out of it and lethargic I slept all day. I didn't go to work. I missed a week and a day. They know a little of what's going on but I know I'm on thin ice, if I don't get my shit together and go back to work soon I'm probably going to be fired.
Right now I'm kind of hoping this reddit could explain some of their personal experiences with getting diagnosed and the treatments they've tried. Especially people with childhood trauma or sexual trauma as a young adult, parents that were alcoholics, abusive, negligent or created unstable homelifes.

So I've just made it to act two (please no spoilers beyond act one! I'm fleeing this subreddit after this to avoid spoiling myself). And I am having the best time, playing on lethal, fights are hard but winnable, have to use every tool at my disposal to assure victory and I fucking love it.
But, fuck these honor-boner having samurai. Like, lord goddamn shimura, I get that you wanna face people honorably or whatever. But maybe when there's a whole ass fort full of Mongols, and only fucking TWO of us, charging through the front gate screaming is juuuust maybe not the best plan. Like, please for the love of God let me soften them up first, theres like fucking 40 of them, but if you give me 5 minutes I can go cut some throats and even the odds a little BEFORE we charge in screaming.
Especially cause half the time you go down immediately and are all "oh no help me Jin my dumbass got stabbed when I charged 10 spearmen all by myself with a sword and no armor". And now I have to waste all my bbs and kunai pulling your ass out of the fire AGAIN with my "shameful" fighting style. Like, I'm trying to win a fucking war over here, and your to busy jerking your honor off that I have to do all the fucking work.
It's no wonder you assholes all got wiped out immediately. Lady masako is guilty of this too lol, every time I go on a mission with her I just know it's gonna end with a pile of bodies.
Anyway, rant over I suppose, this game is fucking awesome.

Cannot even explain how flatly suicidal it makes me. I really like her otherwise, but this is the thing that is making me want to drop therapy. She’s supposed to be the best in this field for miles around and if I quit I won’t get any other help. We are the same height, so I KNOW for a fact that she is underweight, to the point that I can make an educated guess on her weight. It is extremely unambiguous. Weight distribution, muscle mass, it’s all moot here. She wears skin tight, body hugging dresses and there’s no question about it. I’m not underweight and I don’t want to talk about my food stuff with her because I can’t get passed how she obviously restricts too but isn’t allowed to confirm that. She isn’t battling any other illness that would cause her to lose weight, cancer treatments, insulin resistance, etc. I hate the thought of her privately gloating over her tiny size while I’ve been binging for months following a wave of reactive eating and extreme hunger. She’s seeing me in real time put on dozens of pounds while she daintily perches her tiny body on a sofa across from me.
I just feel like an idiot. I hate this.

Hey guys, this may be a tad bit graphic but I’m really at a loss I’m reaching out because Im trying to be a better bottom and I noticed that everytime I do anal training it burns and there’s bleeding.
I’ve never had a great experience bottoming in my 25 years of life and always thought maybe I’ve had bad tops and with that that has killed my desire for sex topping or bottoming cause I just felt bad at it since I don’t get any pleasure.
but I want to bottom and learn how to do it maybe it’s my pride but I can’t get past the bleeding and burning feeling at the anal entrance.
I use mad amounts of lube so I never have a problem with the anal training kits from small butt plug to big butt plug or getting the 8 inch dildo in and my ass to open up but I notice that it’s always bleeding and burning as I slide up and down right behind the entrance. Even when I stick my finger in it just feels mad irritated and painful. Granted I don’t do it often but I have trained and each time it’s the same thing burning and bleeding.
Do I have internal Hemmroids maybe?
I don’t have enough anal to have a fissure (I don’t bottom at all cause of this so I don’t know if it’s that. Like I can not bottom or train for months or a year and it’s the same result.
For reference I’m a 25 skinny twink build that can put on muscle and I’m moderately healthy.
Any idea what it could be? Anybody ever go through this? I want to have a sex life ;-;
Please help.

Male 25/ 158lbs/ 5'11", Hey hoping anyone might have some insight or recommendations for me as I'm at a loss here. I've been having a lot of health issues over the past 3 weeks.
It initially started as some breathlessness every now and then (feeling like there's negative pressure in my lungs), especially with light exertion, something I've never had before. Then a few days later I also started getting some tightness in my chest, alongside what feels like fluctuations in heart/blood flow, anything from it getting faster and harder when sitting up/laying down to randomly, I can almost visibly see my heartbeat go down to my abdomen (gets worse throughout the day). Around this same time I started getting a lot of bloating in my abdomen, alongside an increase in flatulence, and lots of noises made especially when trying to lay down in any position, alongside an uncomfortable feeling (no pain) this has caused trouble sleeping sometimes.
Since then I've had a lot of other things come and go, unsure if related but no obvious cause, including headaches, dizziness, small muscle spams and twitches, joint soreness and extreme erections whenever waking up in the night (not normal for me usually). Something I also had a couple of times is some major muscle spams around my inner chest which I found to co-inside with the last point, it would last for a couple of minutes and it felt like all the muscles inside my chest would spam, no breathing or heartbeat noticeably affected or pain.
Initially I went to the doctors for the breathing issues and had an x-ray to check for fluid in the lungs however that came back clear. We have a blood pressure monitor at home that I have tested regularly with however always comes back perfect. Afterwards I was sent for an ecg then echocardiogram (no physical exertion), which also came back perfect. However as the issue is on and off wondering if it would show up when not happening? Lastly my doctor had a blood test for celiac as it has been known to run in my family, however this has also come back clear. At this point he has just recommended me to check if eating anything particular causes any issues, which I have been trying to do (haven't noticed anything in particular).
For some background info I live a very sedentary lifestyle, suffer with a lot of anxiety, get almost no sun, work at a computer and spend the vast majority of my other time also at a computer, I would however say I am still average+ fitness. I do go to the gym for weight training twice a week however have stopped since developing these symptoms. Around 5 months ago I started bulking, just upped my current diet, which is relatively good (maybe a tiny bit lacking in vegetables). I started cutting around a week before I noticed these symptoms, I stopped immediately (was at around 2,100 kcals for a 2.5k basal rate.) One thing I did notice a couple of months ago was a weird feeling right near the front of my lower stomach, a very small amount of tenderness and a weird feeling like something running their finger down my stomach, very minor and barely noticed it when it happened, may be entirely unrelated.
I also went to the hospital a year back for a pinched nerve in lower back, had some pain which went away, however had a very similar feeling in stomach, intestines and troubles sleeping due to it being uncomfortable (haven't noticed anything directly in back now however).
Lastly a few days before I noticed the lung issues initially I had a really intense cardio workout for the first time in years which is initially what I thought might be connected to the breathlessness, not sure if that's feasible but it's where my mind went.
Apologies for the wall of test just wanted to get all the information across as there's a lot to it, this is severely impacting me as I can barely concentrate enough for work, thankyou!