First off this happened with my ex and I’m doing extremely better with my new girlfriend. I just wanted to make this post cause I still feel guilty about how I made my ex feel even though everyone tells me I was in the right. I still feel guilty because people close to me are obviously biased so I wanted unbiased opinions.
I(M23) met my Ex(F27) when I was 19 and she was 23. The circumstances for how we got together are a little strange long story short her uncle dated my mom but was a shitty person and was eventually kicked out, but my mom stayed in contact with there family. So when she arrived in the US( they’re from Mexico) and said she hated her job, living situation, life my mom asked her if she wanted to stay with her. Now I wasn’t stoked at first but when I first saw her I instantly fell in love I didn’t even notice the pig poo smell( worked at a farm) she had. Then again I had taken a shroom earlier that day and had taken an edible half an hour before she got there. We got along pretty well from the beginning we both loved anime in particular studio ghibli movies. Plus we were both emotionally bad I had problems at home and with my overindulgence of substances, she was in a new country with no family or friends to rely on and it was her first time away from her family. There was an obvious connection and we both knew it tension kept building up until I kissed her and kept kissing her for a whole hour. But afterwards she said that although she did have feelings for me she couldn’t have a relationship with me. Her reasons were “ I’m way older than you” and “you’re mom will hate me and kick me out” which was untrue because our feelings were so obvious my mom noticed and confronted me about it early on. And she said it was sweet to see me finally happy again.( I had been depressed for a while at the time) But even though I protested she made her decision and I said ok, but obviously since we lived together we wouldn’t be able to just be friends. I’m not going to lie I was wrong in what I did next. I kept insisting that we could be in a relationship and we should try at least, we kissed more times and went on dates but nothing more. Until a month in she finally said ok but with some rules. 1: it had to stay secret and no one could know not even my mom 2: if I wanted to be her bf I had to not be jealous at all she had just experienced being free and didn’t want someone controlling her 3: I had to be ok with eventually breaking up because “relationships never last forever”. I said ok and we were officially bf and gf but it didn’t last to long because within the week she broke up with me because of her being way older. I begged and cried and eventually we got back together (I know lame but it was my first serious relationship btw). This pattern repeated when we fought, she would get mad ignore me while I begged and pleaded and even said sorry when it was clearly her fault. In total we broke up like 7-10 times in the first year. When our anniversary was coming up I went all out I bought her a new iPhone 12 took her to downtown Chicago and even got a hotel with a view of the beach and the city . When I went to tell her she said we needed to break up before I could tell her. When I did tell her she did offer to pay half but I was insistent on going. Eventually we compromised and we would plan our breakup after the trip. The only reason we stayed together was because I was always trying to maintain it. We eventually moved in together after a year a bunch of things happened in our first year living together and like before we broke up multiple times. And every time I would always beg her to come back even when I caught her sending flirtatious messages to a coworker(I’m pretty sure she cheated on me with). Now it may seem like it’s pretty cut and dry the answer but here’s where I may be the AH. About 2 years after moving in we both lost our jobs and while she found one I didn’t. Along with this my major depression came back and I’ll be honest I didn’t do much of anything for a whole month I was not supporting her in any way both financially and emotionally or any other way I was just sleeping or feeling horrible. She supported us that whole month working and cleaning and cooking until she got fed up(reasonably) and said I either help or we would be done. So I got up got a job and got help. Honestly after that things were good for a while but they went back to bad eventually. I obviously didn’t have enough money and even new debt( using my credit card to pay for everything) and obviously couldn’t spend as much. This caused major problems but we stayed together for another year until we broke up for real. Quick note the previous time we broke up I warned her that I was tired of playing this game and next time she wanted to break up to be sure because I wasn’t begging or trying to save anything. When she did break up with me I said ok and told her if that’s what she wanted then fine. For the first month after she ignored me even though we lived together then she would stay out till 3 at the bars with her new guy “friends” or just not coming home. And me being me I couldn’t keep my promise and kept trying to get back crying begging but she would shut me down every time. After the first month I moved out but we kept in contact because she “wanted to stay friends”. I went on a couple dates but obviously none led to anything so I would text her trying to get back and she would tell me “we’re only friends we won’t be anything else anymore”. And when I asked if she still loved me she said “like a friend nothing more and she doesn’t love me how I wanted”. This is the same thing she said when I asked one more time to get back together after taking her to Korean bbq. So after that I made up my mind I would get over her. I became distant and didn’t talk as much with her even when I wanted to. Fast forward 6 months after breaking up I met my current gf went on a date and instantly hit it off. I met up one last time to meet my ex and tell her I have a gf and she shouldn’t contact me anymore. After that she would randomly message me things like “IMYSM” and “I’m sad aren’t you”. All this until one day she says she wanted to make out with me because she missed my lips. I got mad and called her saying why didn’t she say this earlier why now. And if she still loved me why didn’t she say so earlier. On top of other things. This was 2 weeks ago we have had 0 contact and she unadded me from everything. While I don’t feel bad because I’m not with her, I do feel I may have moved on quickly and really hurt her especially after our last convo and just overall guilt that I was a bad bf and that I caused our breakup.
TLDR: I was in a relationship for almost 4 years and I feel like I was a bad bf/person
P.S. Hopefully Sam and John read this on the podcast I love hearing it and it brought me laughs throughout this whole ordeal.
P.S.S. There’s a whole lot more but it’s hard to summarize a 4 year relationship into one post.

22 male It’s been 3 months since me and the love of my life broke up right before marriage (both of our parents fuckd everything up), since then I’m completely lost and tired. My family situation is complicated, I can’t talk to any of them, I’m isolating myself. I abandoned my master’s degree because I hated it and will change my studies next year. Right now I work Night Shift and afternoons shift at a factory since the end of April and I don’t even know what keeps me going. I’m tired of everything, I can’t even cry, I eat shit, I barely sleep even though I work everyday.
I blame myself for everything and I just want to sleep for a long time, without thinking about anything. The fact that I have to wake up tomorrow is terrifying, but I work today at 1pm so I will have to force myself to sleep and stop my brain from thinking.
And when I express the tiny bit of sadness or pain the people around me is either belittling me for being weak or just mocking me. Why ? I’m not asking for anything, I’m just talking, I don’t want anyone to help me, I’m just expressing myself ? If I don’t do it I will explode I think lol. I will just talk here from now on to not bother anyone around me.
Today is the first day of work that I missed because I felt extremely bad, I called in sick and the factory said it’s ok. But my mom looked at me with disappointment? She said “oh so it begins”, why are you saying that ? I’m missing one day because I’m feeling bad, I will go to work the next day lmao. Anyway, when I woke up she ignored me all day, didn’t even respond when I said hello to her, what did I even do lmao
Anyway ty for reading

My sister is a stay at home mom to 3 boys 8y,3y and 16 month old. Last year she moved states and her MIL moved too so she could still be close to the grandkids. My sister will drop them off at MIL’s house 5 out of 7 days of the week for a few hours each day for the last few months. MIL just got a promotion at work and had been working more so she’s been telling my sister no when she asks to drop them off. My sister will complain at me saying “Why is she even here” “ It’s annoying all she cares about is work” it infuriates me so much that I can’t even reply back to her. My sister hasn’t had a real job in over 10 years. She seems to think her MIL needs to be available anytime she wants to drop the kids off. It just makes me so mad that she seems to be so entitled. Needed to get that off my chest.

When I was in the ninth grade I made some choices I now regret. I needed money and a friend of mine would always talk about how much money he was making from dealing drugs and I asked him how I could get into the game. He introduced me to his supplier or boss, honestly I'm not really sure I just shut up and did what I was told. Made bank doing it too. Things ran smoothly until our boss overdosed. We ditched all the drugs, and shut down the whole gig after the cops found out about our boss's operation. The money was good, not worth jail. After a while the heat died down and my friend found another supplier and starting selling again but I decided not to play with fire again and stay out of it.
One day I was in english class and the teacher of the class was easily distracted by the people outside but for some reason he always left his window open and would point it out whenever someone walked by, he would say look someone's walking their dog in the middle of when he was teaching, or something like look at that guy smoking don't want to be like that guy. Well this day he was telling us some story about his childhood as he always did when he paused and pointed to the window “look at that guy staring at us. He must be really invested in my story”
Then he laughed and moved on, and at the time I did too. I thought he must be tweaking on some drugs and found it kind of ironic that not too long ago I could have been the one selling him his stuff. He started to return a lot though. Always during that english class, always staring in our window. I never connected him to me because I never saw him personally. He was never there during lunch or any of my other classes and I didn't see him outside of school until one night. It was late and I hadn't been able to fall asleep that night.
I needed a glass of water and I got up, poured myself a drink, walked over to a window at the front of my house that has a gorgeous view and just looked at the mountains outside of my window while I drank my water. This was a common routine for me and sometimes I would notice something weird, like the neighbours fighting or someone sneaking into someone's home to cheat. Tonight though there was someone i had never seen before parked in front of my house, it was a black jeep and the windows were tinted so i couldn't see inside. I stared for a while until someone got out of the vehicle, looked up at the window I was looking out of and we locked eyes, I'll never forget those eyes. It was the man outside of class. I went to call the cops and the man quickly hopped back in his car and drove off. I was smart enough to take down the licence plate to tell the police and I made a report right away. Sadly it didnt work though as a night a few weeks later i was asleep when i was awoken to a light tapping sound on my window.
I tried to ignore it and stay asleep but it gets too annoying and when I turn around to look at what's making the noise I see the man's blank face staring at me, he's standing straight up one hand by his side the other tapping on his window. The man remains completely only moving his head and eyes to follow me when I move for my phone across the room. I loudly shout that I'm calling the police in an attempt to get the man to leave but the man just smiles, the first movement he's made besides moving his eyes and head. I tells the police about what's going on. There's a man outside my window that has been stalking me at school, but as soon as I say my address the line goes dead. The police hung up on me. The man starts to laugh slightly and for the first time takes his eyes off me to enjoy his laugh. I run out of the house and made the mistake of turning my head back toward my window. The man was still standing there not staring into the window anymore. He had turned to continue staring at me. Now back to not moving, just standing completely still, I take off and decide to stay at a friend's place. I made a police report the next day and never saw the man again. The police never found the guy. I have no idea if they even looked but to this day he hasn't bothered me again.

So my wife had gland, jaw, and ear pain on one side of her neck/face last week. It lasted for a few days. Now I have the same thing. Its a throbbing shooting pain that changes its level of pain depending on multiple factors. It seems to have similar “timing” that matches my heart beat.
The pain level flairs up from things like deep breaths (on inhale; only in neck and face not chest/lungs, and only on my right side), when my head is at same level or lower than my heat (tying shoes, lying down, picking stuff up off the ground, and when I make certain sudden movements.
I was convinced I pulled a muscle, but when I told my wife she said she had the EXACT same thing last week while I was out of town for work. So now I am convinced it has to be something contagious since its too weird of a coincidence to be anything else.
I used to have strep throat all the time as a kid, and the pain in my neck near my gland is similar but much worse than when I used to get strep. And that was always both sides. This is just the one. I also don’t remember it being the whole side of my face feeling the pain.
Has anyone else experienced something like this recently? Or just in general? Is it something I need to go to the doctor for? She is better now so I feel like It might just pass, but I feel awful right now.

I was going over my letter that denied all of my MH claims and the stuff she wrote was not what i said at all. She stats that i do not have nightmares or anything. When i literally told her about my nightmares and cant sleep at night as well as night terrors. I told her that i left my previous job because of the stress and anxiety i had and the chest pain i would get from it that and how it was related to the military So i went to a similar job but less stressful and i cant change jobs because its all i can do. This is the same lady that said all of my symptoms are probably caused by some undiagnosed sleep apnea that she was adamit that i had? Im pretty pissed at this.

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I feel like this is gonna sound stupid but I have a really weird thing when it comes to class identity and stuff. I never had a lot of money to spend but grew up in posh London suburbs. My mum’s income really isn’t bad but we spend shitloads just to live here and have very little disposable income. She never really felt like she fit in here either thanks to growing up in east London. My dad’s pretty posh but his family all lived in the Midlands and I don’t see him much anymore anyway, so I don’t really count that (even my granny on that side grew up working class, just got lucky marrying my grandad). I just always felt a bit out of place as a kid going to my friends houses with their flat screen smart TVs and kitchen extensions, then going back to mine with cracks in the wall and ceiling, peeling paint and a small hand-me-down telly with a really old sensor blu tacked on top (closest we got to fixing anything was my cousins coming over to DIY). Like, we can barely afford to live here, and right now trying to find a place to move and gonna have to go somewhere cheaper. I always seemed to make more friends that live in council flats than middle class ones as soon as I got to secondary school and just never really got why cause I still had a house in a posh area. But yeah with all that considered referring to myself as middle class just feels a bit weird, but at the same time I feel selfish for feeling that way

Hello fellow bumpers, I'm looking for advice on pain management or any one that's had similar experience and what they did/ what they were told. I'm currently 31 weeks pregnant and the past few weeks, I've had the most uncomfortable hip pain. It doesn't matter what I do it's just always there, and it gets worse at night. When I have to drive for more than 40 minutes, and I get out of the car, as soon as I take a step my right hip feels like it's dislocated and it's just instant sharp pain and I have to limp back into my house. Sometimes when I'm standing, my left leg will tingle. Now imagine you can feel a bowl in your lower stomach and someone drops a pineapple in it. That's what happens at least once day, usually multiple times a day when I stand up. Sometimes I have legit hip pain but majority of the time it's just severe discomfort. CONSTANTLY. Especially at night, sitting down sucks, sitting in bed sucks, laying on my side. It doesn't matter. Just tonight I was laying on side and I opened my hips up trying to get relief and I had an instant burning feeling in my groin/vaginal area. My back is also in constant discomfort, to the point I'm almost in tears. Sorry for the long post but I like to be as descriptive as possible.. (I have a doctors appointment on Friday I plan on discussing all of this)

My brother told me today his oldest son molested his little sister. He's 17 she's 11. I know nothing more beyond that statement.
I have just been staring at the walls all day since I found out. My nephew is from my brother's now ex-wife first relationship. She was no big winner either she ended up being evicted to drugs and abandoning him and the two kids she had with my brother years ago he's been raising them all by himself and even adopted his stepson. But he is not had an easy life like I said he had an addict to mother who abandoned him and his brother and sister, his biological father nearly beat him to death when he was 3 years old. He's been a good kid despite all of this yeah he's had his struggles and his behavior problems but even being part of our family hasn't been easy for him my mother but a very ugly side of herself show in the way she treated him, because he wasn't one of us. Honestly something I'm not sure I can really forgve her for. Because from the moment this little boy came into my life he has been my nephew. grew up with my sons can spend so much time with me I have never ever referred to him as my brother's stepson or my step nephew or step cousin he is always just been part of our family. I cannot reconcile that with what he did.
Everybody thinks that I should just cast him off but I can't compartmentalize like that he is still my nephew she is my niece. All I want is to understand why this has happened to our family.
I just want to take all of this pain that my niece is feeling and release her from it. I want my family to be okay again. I don't know if I can emotionally handle what's coming. How do we recover how we move on. At 17 my nephew is looking at going to jail to prison when this comes out and it will because secrets like this don't stay secret. My niece's life has been permanently changed for the worse. All of my mother sits there gloating I told you he was no good from the beginning. The indignation that she is giving my brother and I right now because she feels her racism towards her half black step grandson was finally justified. Honestly I'm not sure I'll ever be able to really look her in the face the same way again.
How do I tell my sons their 22 and 21 and their cousin has been stuck to the like glue since he was 5. Then I have a 7 year old who thinks the world took cousin and is on the autistic spectrum he will never understand.
The other thing is he leaves now on his own with nothing and no one in the world to lean on again. It's 17 leaving home with a bus pass and a few hundred dollars.
Or he takes matters into his own hands.
There's no good outcome for any of us.

My (28M) ex-girlfriend (29F) and I were together for 5 years and have a 2 year old son together and have separated. For context we were together for 5 years living together for 4. We broke up for a lot of reasons but the big thing that broke it was I had developed a porn addiction and was in sites like OF and she found out. I was following local girls and an ex on there. We broke up officially 9 months ago but she didn’t make me move out quite yet. She was willing to give me a chance to win her back. I started going to therapy, deleted all of my accounts, took on more hours at work, and took on more household responsibilities but that didn’t work and at the start of the year asked me to move out. She told me even outside of the adult sites that we were still not right for each other. She said I’m not a bad person or father it’s just that we don’t work. Yes it sucked, given the circumstances I didn’t fight her on it. I know i messed up and if she couldn’t find it in her to forgive and move on then that’s her right. I knew once her trust for me was gone there isn’t really any coming back from that. I fortunately have family close and was able to move out and can still pay for our place until the lease was up. We still try and do things with our son together (birthday parties, his “firsts” etc) I feel as far as co-parenting we are doing well and are in constant communication about his day to day. I’ve still been in therapy because the unfaithful actions i did were very far from how I normally act. I never actually cheated and ever planned too but regardless it’s troubling behavior. But from my therapy sessions I’m coming to the conclusion I just wasn’t happy in general and also not happy in the relationship but couldn’t see how bad I had gotten mentally. Between the pandemic feeling under appreciated, verbal abuse, and generally being made to feel like I was nothing but a burden to her but not wanting to leave her it manifested like that. and I was just trying to find a hit a dopamine anyway I could. (Not trying to justify just explaining) Now something a little weird has been happening. She asked me during a call if I thought it was weird we still spent time together with our son like we do. As she was told by some people that it’s odd. I took this as a potential New Romantic interest asked her. So I asked her to which she confirmed. She got tense as if she was waiting for me to get upset but I didn’t. Even before I met her she was never the type of person to be single or not actively dating for long periods of time. I had expected this and accepted it would be coming sooner rather than later. She seemed surprised that I wasn’t upset with it or jealous. (thanks therapy) so I explained to her that I didn’t find it weird but can see how anyone else (especially a potential romantic partner) would. I feel most people are used to separations being messy and or complete cut offs. I expected her to try dating soon anyway and mentally prepared myself for it since I moved out. I also told her that now that ive been out of the house and able to look at our relationship from an outside perspective I could see all the other flaws in it and she was right about our relationship. And I thought the conversation was pretty productive, no yelling, no tears. I thought we were on the same page. But then over the next few weeks I wanted to start placing boundaries and she always takes it as some sort of attack. For example on days she has our son she wants me to come over and just hangout around the house with them, or wants me to take him when it’s her day. I have no problem taking him if she needs a break but I don’t like hanging out in the place I used to call home. she had also eluded to us being intimate and has been flirting in casual conversation. We hadn’t really Actually spent time together in person for a few weeks but on our son’s birthday we did. Then she made another comment dropping hints at us fooling around and I took the moment to try and set a boundary that I didn’t think that was a good idea. And before I could even explain it she got defensive and started taking it as a personal attack. She started taking jabs at me and struck a cord when she said I never loved her in the first place. We started to argue and it got heated and i just packed up my son and left(it was my day) she hasn’t wanted to take me to court or anything but has threatened it and warned she will go for full custody if we do. Personally I don’t think she can handle the mental load and it’s just a bluff but with her recent behavior I’m nervous and don’t know how I should approach her moving forward. Any advice?
TLDR I want to sent boundaries with ex but I’m afraid of what her reaction might be in regards to our child

I tried to post here before but my account was too new. Scroll bellow for previous post, as I ended up going back with my husband.
UPDATE: I ended up coming back. I knew right away it was a terrible decision, but I did it anyways. I ended up losing my father and my grandparents because of it. I contacted my mom this time to try and help me.
I haven’t seen my mom since the day I left, and not seeing her has been such a traumatic experience for me. He tells me I need to move on from my family, that they don’t love me, that everyone’s moved on from me, that I’m living in the past and in a fantasy world, that I’m obsessed with my family (despite me never seeing them), and that I STILL need to choose between them or us.
I planned this for multiple months. I saved up money on the side, got a plan made for when he left, even went as far as finding an apartment. I did everything I needed to do. I paid for my mom to rent a car and she drove 700 miles in 10 hours to come and get me, but right at the last second I got too afraid. I will never forget the image of seeing my mom outside the window and waving to her crying because I couldn’t go outside. There are security cameras all over the house. I unplugged the Wi-Fi and said to myself I at least want to hug my mom, but even with no cameras on I was too afraid to go outside.
I’m not allowed to go out on my own, anywhere, not even to walk on the sidewalk. My husband has told me I can leave if that’s what I want, but no matter how much I try, I can’t. I feel like a bird trapped with the door open. I keep contemplating between stay and go. I even told my husband my brother passed away and I wanted to go to his funeral, he was so emotionless and barely responded to me, telling me it was unfortunate but he sees no good in me going to his funeral. I tried to ask him for help in convincing his parents I was going to travel for work or something, since they’d never be happy about me going and traveling on my own. He didn’t agree to it, said he can’t do anything for me and ultimately told me to do what I want and I’m already making decisions on my own anyways, which I clearly haven’t..
I feel like I’m crazy and losing my mind, he tells me there’s something wrong with me and that I’m a terrible wife, that after marriage my priority is my new family and I need to move on from my own family, even though I’ve been here for so many years taking care and supporting his. In the end my mom had to turn back, bawling and screaming she won’t leave without me, looking at her daughter through a window trying everything to get me to come out, but I begged her to leave and said I don’t need help.
So many attempts to leave but ultimately failing, it’s as if he can do anything to me and I’d stay, my mom was saying she won’t be living long and she hasn’t gotten to see her daughter in so long, and I couldn’t go out of the house. His parents were gone to pickup his sister from school and he’s out of the state until Thursday. Someone please help me because I feel like I’m going insane
PREVIOUS POST: My situation is too complex for anyone to get all of the details, but to summarize some main points:

1. My husband and I have been married for 10+ years, I’m 29.
2. We have lived with his family this entire time. Two parents, and his little sister who was 1 when I married him.
3. We have had very very rough times over the years with his arguing and verbal abuse.
4. I have not been allowed to see my family this entire time. His parents don’t approve of women traveling alone and on top of that, don’t agree with it because they’re afraid of culture mixing (I am white American my husband is of another eastern culture).

Which is the main thing that led to the decision of me leaving. A few months back, I tried to put my foot down and say I want to see my family. It turned into a huge argument in the house and in the end he gave me an ultimatum that I either accept never seeing my family again or I can leave them.
It was such a traumatic experience, 10 years of your life given to a husband and family and all those years of sacrifice only to be told an ultimatum such as this. When I informed my family of my situation they were shocked and told me to leave immediately.
After a week of watching me cry and panic and him still not changing his mind, I pulled out a suitcase, changed my direct deposit and said “I guess I need to leave then.” My husband was shocked and started to guilt trip me saying he can’t believe I’d choose my family over them, and how it’s so messed up.
He even tried to convince me that my family doesn’t actually love or care about me. Saying that him and his family had always taken such good care of me (which they did), and that I’d be making a huuuge mistake.
Finally, he decided he would bend a bit and allow me to to visit my family. First, he wanted to come, until I told him my family will not even allow me to visit unless I was visiting alone. They didn’t want to see him or have anything to do with him.
So then he said I can go on my own, but, the only reason I’m even able to go is because he has a work trip scheduled for the same day and my flight and his flight would come back on the same day and time so his family would have no idea I went to see my family, they think I’m going with him.
All of this is a huge mess. In the last few weeks since he booked my flight, he has been saying all the right things, being sweet and kind and caring, but I feel like he’s just doing all this so that I don’t leave, as the entire situation in itself is so controlling.
We have bought a house and have been in the process as a family of fixing it up, decorating it, and literally planning an entire move and our whole future these last few months. Except in my head I’m wanting to just end things. When I visit my family this week, they do not want me to come back.
This will traumatize his family, especially his little sister who grew up with me around, and they also had two other sons leave home, and have been traumatized for years because of it. I feel so guilty that I will be adding to their trauma by leaving.
But no one cares about the trauma I have gone through over the years, and not being able to have any freedom to have friends or see my family, or even go out on my own, I’m completely isolated at home and have not known the real world in so long.
I have my families support to do this, but I am just so afraid that I’m going to feel guilt the rest of my life for ruining their entire plans and livelihood. Please, I need advice.

34m here Im not sure how to start this so I'll just get right to it. My wife surprised me with a gift that when presented I didn't really have the best reaction.
My wife had the day off and wanted have a day with her friend to watch bridgerton and drink momosas. Since she was having her day with her girlfriend, I decided to get a couple rounds of disc golf in . I get off of work and do the daily chores. (Garbage, walk dog, feed mysel) As I am leaving to walk the dog I tell the wife that I'm going to play disc golf after I'm done. To which she replies "well maybe you shouldn't. I'll tell you when you get back". This already kind of dampened my mood as I had a long day and getting some light exercise in some clear weather sounded quite nice. Not to mention I've made said plans with a couple people which now I may have to cancel. Not the biggest deal right?
Now thats out of the way here's the meat and potatoes. She got me a grill and not only that I have to now go pick up said grill, assemble it and prepare dinner for guests because it's nice out she invited friends over for me to cook for. It was presented in manner of "I got you a grill and invited our friends over and when you get it put together you can use it." Needless to say my internal self was screaming and the stress meter moved up a bit. I gave a "oh cool" and tried my hardest not to seem ungrateful but the surprise seemed very impulsive and just created a ton of work for me to do. So i cancelled my plans. wife cancelled the pick up order due to my "ungrateful attitude". We are now going to go out to eat with said people and we are now in a fight. AITA?

so i (19) am currently 20 weeks pregnant with my first baby. the beginning of this pregnancy was really difficult due to infidelity and the break of an engagement with the baby’s father and the whole stress of moving back across the country to my family. then, in the second trimester, all of my friends decided that i was “dragging them down” and that they no longer wanted to be my friend anymore. i know i struggled a lot with the idea of losing the family that i had wanted for my baby and with my self esteem from the cheating and the hurt from that betrayal, along with pregnancy symptoms and growing pains and other complications, but i’m really struggling with the loss of my friends recently. the lack of support and the complete isolation i feel from other people around me is so lonely and it’s really getting to me. i’m asking to all of the people who have given birth before and felt similarly, does this get better? when the baby is born, does the pain of everything else get better? does that lonely feeling go away? i’m lacking some hope right now about the future and i’m just looking for some support from people who have experienced similar things. i wish you all happy and healthy pregnancies and births and babies <3

So, today while over at self-checkout this Ken comes through the line with a small box of food. Which was placed inside of an empty larger box. He goes to the first machine but the scale is messed up and he moves to another to try and scan his food. In the meantime, this machine's scale also messes up. I'm nearby and he calls me over cuz he needs help he asks what's going on. I tell him that the scale is messed up and it quickly is fixed. He then moves the larger empty box of food onto the scale. This is when he starts to get defensive with me as I reach over and grab the outside of the smaller box with food in it. Ken says he doesn't want to scan the larger empty box. Right then Ken explodes yelling at me about what I'm doing and saying I'm touching his food. Not in the mood to be dealing with this asshole.
I snap back at him saying that I'm not too fond of the way he's treating me. As I back away from him he's still snapping at me about touching his food when in fact I only touched the outside of the box. We go at it for a while until Ken storms off and I think he's leaving which made me happy. Instead, he leaves behind his first order gets himself another order, and goes to the customer service desk to complain about me and all that took place.

Today my son has a ceremony at his school. For various reasons, I have been unable to attend many of his games and functions this year, but he has explicitly stated that this one is very important and he really wants me there.
I have to move mountains to make it, but I arrive with his two siblings, and even manage to get there early enough to be beside the main doors when they are opened to allow visitors in.
My ex-husband is already there, and he and I strike up a conversation while heading for the first row of chairs on the side where my son will be seated.
There are two front rows, separated by an aisle. Each row has eleven chairs in it. When we get to the chairs, one lady and her child are seated on the aisle end, with a plastic sack on the third seat, clearly holding the place for someone else.
So that leaves eight chairs, and there are four of us attempting to sit down — me and my kids, and then my ex-husband. No problem.
Except that, as we are turning around to sit down, a large woman comes running out of nowhere and throws herself into a seat, simultaneously slinging her purse and jacket into the other two beside it (the seats we are actively lowering ourselves into when she starts chucking her stuff on us) while loudly yelling at her kid to sit down too, and “don’t forget about Granny and Pop-pop and Sharon and Mike!” while waving her hand toward the chairs, to indicate the entire row she intends to reserve.
I just shrug and move over two seats, inconveniencing myself and my crew as well as my ex-husband, who is forced way down into the end seat. At least we are still in the front row, even if it is way off to the side.
I’ve let her have the two seats since she’s already slung her shit into them but I have no intention of leaving my place (the other rows are quickly filling up at this point) to accommodate Granny, Pop-pop, and the rest of the people who haven’t bothered to show up yet.
So the lady’s kid stands there looking helpless while her mom comes unhinged and turns to me. ”I’m sorry. We actually have more people in our party that aren’t here yet, and I’m saving those seats too.” She motions toward me and everyone seated to the left of me.
She gives me a challenging look and raises her eyebrows while I just stare back blankly.
Then I put down my purse and reach for a program and go about my business. Now she’s coming unglued. ”SO…YOU’RE NOT GOING TO MOVE?!?”
“No.” (While hitting her with the ol blank look again.) This time I hold her gaze for a few seconds because she’s furious and I’m not about to turn my back on her. Her face contorts into rage like she’s ready to stomp my head.
All I can think is, “Who even asks somebody that? And why is she genuinely shocked that I said no? Are there actually people who wouldn’t?”
Anyway. She makes a huge scene. Yelling, hands flailing, the whole nine yards. Grabs her belongings from the seats beside me, snatches her kid by the arm, and marches off to the second row of seats on the other aisle, where she proceeds to flag down an administrator while angrily gesticulating and pointing at me.
I get up and move over into the seat she’s just vacated, and everyone beside me moves down a few seats too. Now we have great seats.
I have no idea how she can possibly spin this incident into any narrative that doesn’t end in her looking like a total bitch, but I assume she has come up with one, gauging from the vehemence of her tirade.
Meanwhile, my ex-husband (they literally make movie villains inspired by this guy’s personality type, so I know for a fact he wouldn’t have moved for that broad) is stifling laughter at me and the other lady on our row is biting her lip and trying not to smile too.
I turn around and the people behind me are amused, too. What did they expect?
It boggles my mind. I’m out of line, or my response surprising? For saying “no”?
Where do these people get off?

Chapter 4: a time to check out
Memory transcript: Abigail Nelson 2277 August 21st [human standard time]
Local time: currently unknown
Abigail and Somah lurked in the shadows of the ship's interior, where there relation to the ship was currently a significant problem as the two meandered around as they attempted to avoid patrols.
Somah scoffed, clutching the shock baton she looted from a guard, an irritated and fearlook was drawn over her face as two clung to the darker spots of the ship's many hallways.
“Where not getting anywhere in here, we might as well be turning in circles”
Somah hissed in clear irritation as Abigail turned to look behind them, trying to make sure they were not being followed by any security, a makeshift bag holding a collection of hopefully hazardous cleaning supplies laying on her back.
“Well I haven't seen a terminal anywhere or anything that looks like one, and I doubt they would have a map kiosk on what I'm guessing is the brig….” Abigail retorted as the two saw a break in the guards and rushed to take advantage of it moving into another room.
The room was dark, Abigail switching on her pipboys light as Somah closed the door behind them as suddenly the lights kicked on.
“Okay it all looks clear…” Abigail said looking around as Somah nodded with a sigh lowering her guard ever so slightly. “Yeah zone secure….”
Then a sudden third voice chimed in, this one sounding far younger than either of them, The two older women jumped at the sudden intrusion of a young, white skinned twelve year old girl wearing a near pristine sports jacket and a baseball cap, one of their own stark white jumpsuits, Somah looked at the little girl shocked as Abigail was astonished at how she had managed to sneak up on them.
Before Abigail could ask the little girl anything, Somah blurted out.
“How the hell did you sneak up on us?!” she asked incredulously as the young lady simply smiled “I came in through the pipes, there all over the ship and lead to lots of places” She says as Somah glared at the girl as Abigail attempted to de-escalate the situation by kneeling down to the young girl's level.
“I'm sorry if my friend here seems a bit aggravated, we're both a little frazzled from well….” Abigail said as the young lady nodded.
“I know, i've been watching you guys from the pipe and the Mutts are REALLY mad about you guys getting out, im sally by the way” The young girl said smiling at the two.
“Well it's nice to meet you sally, i'm Abigail and my friend here is Somah, were a little lost”
“Yeah i could tell” Sally said with a clear bit of smarm to her tone “You two have been going around in a circle for two hours, i'm surprised none of the guards managed to find you but i guess they were to busy chasing their own tails”
Somah couldn't help but crack a smile at Sallys rather direct words to them.
“Well sally we don't exactly know our way…wait did you say that you've been following us? How exactly” Somah asked incredulously as she smirked back.
“The dogs have tunnels and stuff that go all over, i can fit in pretty good but i dont think you could” She said as Abby seemed to get an idea.
“Do you think you could help us get out of here? We have a plan to-” Abigail was stopped by Sally
“You want to dump a bunch of cleaning junk into the air vents, I've tried that and the spaceship knows if the air is bad and cleans it '' she said matter of factly.
Somah crosses her arms incredulously “Allrighty then little miss smarty pants how do you suppose we flush out the space dogs?” The look of incredulity on Somahs face made Sallys cocky dimenor fade for a moment as she thought.
“Well i've seen some of the Mutts go outside the ship, i've seen them fixing stuff outside but we would need a space suit” Sally said as Abigail piped up
“Where are we going to get a space suit then?”
Somah nodded in agreement as Sally piped up once more with a sudden idea, “OH! OH! We can find an astronaut in the alien freezer room! It was where they put a lot of people!”
At that description Somah and Abigail stared at one another in a mix of Fear and incredulity.
Memory transcript: Farusl Archivist Tyka Date: 2277 August 21st
Tyka was sitting at his desk, his muzzle buried into his paws as reports of the two escaped humans flooded his computers inbox, the two had managed to escape by overpowering the guards and taking there weapons…such a thing should have been impossible, predators working together should be impossible, predatory sapients never worked together, rather they dominated one another for control, but these two not only managed to outwit the guards but coordinate plan to escape and avoid being recaptured, and there hasn't been any sign of them since.
“How could this be….this shouldn't be possible, humans are predators…but….but…” The implications of this event could not be understated, not remotely so.
“There has to be a reasonable, logical explanation to how they could have worked together, what would make them realize that by working together they could achieve a higher goal….” The archivist would rack his mind, combing through the data he had from there years of post annihilation humanity and would come to realize something, humans were no longer the apex predator of the world, the impossible mutations and truly abominable “Super predators” that stalked the fire blasted world had reduced humans to a sort of, “Predator Pseudo prey”
“As a Pseudo prey that would mean they must have some form of primitive empathy, yet brutal cunning, a prospect that would seem impossible….if i hadn't just seen it with my own eyes…..what will the council of elders even say if…no, when i present this information to them upon my next update…i will have to present it very carefully….”
The moment the thought left his muzzle the door to his office opened to reveal the familiar, and domineering frame of Officer Netly, her side arm now openly carried as two guards stood outside wearing the extermination gear Tyka feared, he had seen there work first hand shortly after they captured several local feral humans, said humans attacked the moment they were let out of the capture pods, they were dirty, covered in scars and a toxicology report from the one that wasn't immolated in the so called holy purifying flame the exterminators claimed to spread like the plague that they claimed predation to be, to be fair Tyka couldn't deny the fact that predation was a illness but it was one that could be cured, he knew that and humanity for its fault deserved to be cured.
Tyka let out a deep frustrated sigh. “Hello officer Netly….do we have any updates on the two escapes?” Netly was ramrod straight with a grim look on her muzzle,
“Unfortunately no….they have managed to elude recapture, all security on the processing deck, and on that note, storage reports subject HC-0152 has escaped…again” Tyka sighed “If she wasn't a predator i would commend her for her ability to escape a high security sector, how did she do it this time? Spit in the eye of a poor operator or did she go for the shins” Netly scrunched her nose “Neither, she assaulted a young male operator by striking his reproductive organs with a violent foot strike, she then escaped into the maintenance tunnels” The way Netly presented the information made it sound about as bad as someone stubbing there paw, Tyka on the other paw flinched, what kind of psychopath would attack someones delicates like that and the visible flinch made Netly scowl.
“I am sure the news is quite disturbing, if i am to be aloud to send the exterminators i'm sure the loss of two subjects won't be as bad as having two hell world hardened predators loose onboa-” Netly found herself cut off by Tyka
“Absolutely not! HC-2251 is by far and away too important to destroy, you saw her genetic structures stability and purity! Something impossible for anyone unsheltered from the atomic apocalypse that they subjected themselves to, and considering the complexity of the device on her wrist there must of been some outside influence, and remember the footage, she ATE VEGETATION without coaxing or any previous augmentation, clearly shes at least tame” Netly seemed puzzled, still attempting to keep her stern demeanor however ever so slightly bending to his words. “So your theory is the possibility that they've…somehow…cured themselves? How? We have limited records of Earth, the last time a Farsul vessel was here was nearly 250 years ago, during there world spanning conflict, one so brutal and seemingly pointless im sure even a GREY would find it pointless” she almost spat as Tyka shook his head
“I'm unfortunately more than aware of what i'm suggesting, but this kind of forethought and technical ability, let alone the ability to collaborate with another predator shows that humans may be more empathetic than we realize, maybe the apocalypse showed them, no matter how few, that there nature was wrong! Our ancestors reports did say they consumed both animals AND Vegetation.
Netly scoffed, “Perhaps you are right and instead of uplifting the Arxur we should have bombed them to the stone age and see if they would sit by the fire and sing communal songs” She said indignantly as Tyka produced a remote control for a screen in his office and turned to on, tuning to what was a live stream of the surface of a group of dirty wasteland survivors sitting around a camp fire, and they were…singing, one held a six stringed instrument of some kind and the entire group was singing some kind of song about old roads leading to home.
“And that is just one example our observation drones picked up while observing developing costumes post flame” he says, a slight smug tone enveloping his words as Netly scrutinized the footage.
Netly was stunned, her usual demeanor clearly cracked as Tyka stepped around his desk. “I hope you can see what im trying todo, i dont want to simply preserve humanity in a glass bottle, a footnote, we, THEY have an opportunity to move past there violent past, the universe has gifted them a second chance to repent and as such we must help them see it Netly! Imagine it! We could help these poor, sick predators become REAL PEOPLE!”
Tykas words stuck a cord inside of Netly, as much as she despised predators, predators didn't sit around a camp fire singing about there lost home, people did.
“Very well Archivist…you've convinced me, i will not deploy our ships compliment of exterminators….yet, especially for HC-2251, however anyone else is fair game, HC-0125, i don't care if she is a pup i she is sly and has shown she is more than able to escape into the ducts, it took us 9 cycles [4 months] to flush her out using Fire mist and we haven't been able to refuel it since, why you had so many archived humans requisitioned is beyond me”

PHEW chapter 4 is done! i hope everyone enjoys it and the prolonged chapter, im working on flushing out the dialogue, time for chapter 5!
Previous

I tried to post here before but my account was too new. Scroll bellow for previous post, as I ended up going back with my husband.
UPDATE: I ended up coming back. I knew right away it was a terrible decision, but I did it anyways. I ended up losing my father and my grandparents because of it. I contacted my mom this time to try and help me.
I haven’t seen my mom since the day I left, and not seeing her has been such a traumatic experience for me. He tells me I need to move on from my family, that they don’t love me, that everyone’s moved on from me, that I’m living in the past and in a fantasy world, that I’m obsessed with my family (despite me never seeing them), and that I STILL need to choose between them or us.
I planned this for multiple months. I saved up money on the side, got a plan made for when he left, even went as far as finding an apartment. I did everything I needed to do. I paid for my mom to rent a car and she drove 700 miles in 10 hours to come and get me, but right at the last second I got too afraid. I will never forget the image of seeing my mom outside the window and waving to her crying because I couldn’t go outside. There are security cameras all over the house. I unplugged the Wi-Fi and said to myself I at least want to hug my mom, but even with no cameras on I was too afraid to go outside.
I’m not allowed to go out on my own, anywhere, not even to walk on the sidewalk. My husband has told me I can leave if that’s what I want, but no matter how much I try, I can’t. I feel like a bird trapped with the door open. I keep contemplating between stay and go. I even told my husband my brother passed away and I wanted to go to his funeral, he was so emotionless and barely responded to me, telling me it was unfortunate but he sees no good in me going to his funeral. I tried to ask him for help in convincing his parents I was going to travel for work or something, since they’d never be happy about me going and traveling on my own. He didn’t agree to it, said he can’t do anything for me and ultimately told me to do what I want and I’m already making decisions on my own anyways, which I clearly haven’t..
I feel like I’m crazy and losing my mind, he tells me there’s something wrong with me and that I’m a terrible wife, that after marriage my priority is my new family and I need to move on from my own family, even though I’ve been here for so many years taking care and supporting his. In the end my mom had to turn back, bawling and screaming she won’t leave without me, looking at her daughter through a window trying everything to get me to come out, but I begged her to leave and said I don’t need help.
So many attempts to leave but ultimately failing, it’s as if he can do anything to me and I’d stay, my mom was saying she won’t be living long and she hasn’t gotten to see her daughter in so long, and I couldn’t go out of the house. His parents were gone to pickup his sister from school and he’s out of the state until Thursday. Someone please help me because I feel like I’m going insane
PREVIOUS POST: My situation is too complex for anyone to get all of the details, but to summarize some main points:

1. My husband and I have been married for 10+ years, I’m 29.
2. We have lived with his family this entire time. Two parents, and his little sister who was 1 when I married him.
3. We have had very very rough times over the years with his arguing and verbal abuse.
4. I have not been allowed to see my family this entire time. His parents don’t approve of women traveling alone and on top of that, don’t agree with it because they’re afraid of culture mixing (I am white American my husband is of another eastern culture).

Which is the main thing that led to the decision of me leaving. A few months back, I tried to put my foot down and say I want to see my family. It turned into a huge argument in the house and in the end he gave me an ultimatum that I either accept never seeing my family again or I can leave them.
It was such a traumatic experience, 10 years of your life given to a husband and family and all those years of sacrifice only to be told an ultimatum such as this. When I informed my family of my situation they were shocked and told me to leave immediately.
After a week of watching me cry and panic and him still not changing his mind, I pulled out a suitcase, changed my direct deposit and said “I guess I need to leave then.” My husband was shocked and started to guilt trip me saying he can’t believe I’d choose my family over them, and how it’s so messed up.
He even tried to convince me that my family doesn’t actually love or care about me. Saying that him and his family had always taken such good care of me (which they did), and that I’d be making a huuuge mistake.
Finally, he decided he would bend a bit and allow me to to visit my family. First, he wanted to come, until I told him my family will not even allow me to visit unless I was visiting alone. They didn’t want to see him or have anything to do with him.
So then he said I can go on my own, but, the only reason I’m even able to go is because he has a work trip scheduled for the same day and my flight and his flight would come back on the same day and time so his family would have no idea I went to see my family, they think I’m going with him.
All of this is a huge mess. In the last few weeks since he booked my flight, he has been saying all the right things, being sweet and kind and caring, but I feel like he’s just doing all this so that I don’t leave, as the entire situation in itself is so controlling.
We have bought a house and have been in the process as a family of fixing it up, decorating it, and literally planning an entire move and our whole future these last few months. Except in my head I’m wanting to just end things. When I visit my family this week, they do not want me to come back.
This will traumatize his family, especially his little sister who grew up with me around, and they also had two other sons leave home, and have been traumatized for years because of it. I feel so guilty that I will be adding to their trauma by leaving.
But no one cares about the trauma I have gone through over the years, and not being able to have any freedom to have friends or see my family, or even go out on my own, I’m completely isolated at home and have not known the real world in so long.
I have my families support to do this, but I am just so afraid that I’m going to feel guilt the rest of my life for ruining their entire plans and livelihood. Please, I need advice.

Disgust is such an interesting emotion
It's something from experience or memory, that I know is toxic.
It's not bad at all, it's a way we learn. What's harmful what's not
For example.
I find disgust an emotion I really want to investigate on. I get disgusted by so many things and culture etc especially the popular ones and the mainstream ones
To be more specific and personal
I am disgusted by vegans (soy boy face especially), because I was brainwashed by peta propaganda, when I was a teeny bomber, also when I was an internet influencer I used to hang out with those famous mainstream YouTubers who would make those soyface
To me anything mainstream is super disgusting yet I was always the one who makes being famous a part of my persona and I loved to be worshiped by the mainstream. My followers would make comments like hey you are very popular but you hate anything popular does that mean??? Yes it actually means I hate myself
The splits and the splits
To dig even deeper
I was looking for gemologists view on how to spot lab diamonds, and cams across a thumb nail of video of a guy making soyface and talk about lab diamonds. Two of my disgusts because they are both pop cult stuff ...
I couldn't help but click on it because I was so entertained by my disgust I wanted to investigate it
It turned out to be an actual really useful video so I'm glad I didn't let my judgement deter me
Then I wanted to investigate why I'm so disgusted by the Internet army of lab diamonds keyboard warriors, because as fanatic jewelry collector I've never encountered anyone like that in real life, and I was wondering why they are all online. Then I could just see it as an image of toxic rat race human race.
Then I realized the image of a jar, of compact rat race, some at the top some at the middle some at the bottom. Even if you are at the top you are still in a jar.
Being disgusted by others ego and pride is the same thing as being disgusted by my own ego and pride
I felt my disgust was that I only wanted to marry an unrealistically perfect husband who's super wealthy and handsome and somehow enlightened as well.
Seeing the internet cult of lab diamond follower is disgusting to me because it was being promoted and propaganda like the fkn serum injection of the convid days... That I need to join the mainstream cult ...
I dont want to marry some average dude who's not proposing me with anything less than my maladaptive day dreaming type two a twenty carat top workmanship engagement ring. And suggesting anything other than that is ok is almost bursting my hope of being healed and loved and valued.
I could also see the self loathing on that cult, having to bash the opposite and try to shout louder to beat the opposite but the same side... Quite compatible to the vaxxed vs truthers, the left vs right and list goes on.
It's disgusting to wake up from my own toxicity.
I e. You go to the lavatory to defecate the feces come out of your body but you don't want to ingest it back
But it's just a cycle.
I am also quite disgusted by the yoga cult because it's so mainstream and yucky just like the lab diamond cult.
I see similarities
Between the not able to get natural diamonds so have to bash it, and not athletic enough to do circus and gymnastics enough to make a spiritual ego out of yoga, yoga is all about feeling good and not wanting to feel pain which again trace back to my strong aversion towards mainstream spirituality of the whole spiritual bypass cult.
Also I've never seen the other way around much, I've never seen rich people with big natural diamonds make fun of poor people who can't afford it, I've never seen circus artists make fun of yoga people not being athletic enough, it's always the other way around some kind of inferior complex/ shortman syndrome/ small dogs bark a lot...
It makes me face the selfworth AND shame that is essentially in everyone .
I dislike the one who shoots the loudest because it's always from a sense of inferiority...
Another example would be "BLM" "transphobia" or whatever current thing is
It's so easy to get sucked into one
Nobody is immune to it including myself. Perpetually the ego and pride vs the shadow and shame. The split is a hole within a whole. It just makes me feel nauseous because I'm also part of it.
Yet there's nothing I could do other than love the pain and enjoy the ride
It's also same feeling as when I wake up with panic attacks knowing that I'm stuck in samsara but can't get out, however precisely it's because I want to get out I'm sucked in. It also doesn't work the other way around if I look it as already in nirvana there's no growth and healing in everlasting peace either.
Yes the middle way is always neutral and now. It's easy to say extremely hard to do.
I feel the disgust other than the vomiting sensation from my stomach is on the left side of the neck where I have a bump of knot, it wouldn't go away with messages or treatment or any physical chiropractice it's just stuck there. I associate that pain of throat chakra blockage with being socially ostracized, bullied at school and anxiety in public. It's that division of me against the world. I would feel physically sick and migraine and start feeling dizzy and nauseous into dissociation fugue.
It's quite a sickening feeling to know I'm not acceptable by the world outside.
Disgust could also be jealous? I'm not sure?
This guy an actor I worked with who got into mainstream stardom, I felt like he was so rude and disrespectful to me so I never liked him and also I really consider him ugly physically, you can't even pay me to sleep with him. Yet somehow he was accepted to mainstream so I get so disgusted Everytime I see his posters of movies or get talked about because I feel like I could or should be me instead but mainstream has such tacky taste.
So it secretly implied to me I'm worse than someone I despise? That's why I feel disgusted? I'm not sure
I feel disgust might also be related to shame
I'm gonna go back to the analogy of taking a shkt again
Shit is disgusting, I can't believe it came out of my body so I'm ashamed and it must be because I'm disgusting that's why my body shitsuit produced it?!
Why am I constantly surrounded by disgusting men if I'm not disgusting myself?
Why do I always get injured by trauma if I didn't attract it or deserve it?
It must be me
So shame - low self worth - disgust - anger - resentment - separation - split - dissociation fugue is all related on the same tangent
When I was younger I used to say my favorite movie was shutter Island and similar psycho thrill movies, now I know why. I loved it that waking up from the dissociation the enemy or something I disowned and escape from is just my past and my trauma.

It's so hard to make the final move and leave. I love her so much but I know that what I love is just a fantasy I've made up. Yes, our relationship had many good times and it was full of love but a lot of that was because I was lying to myself about how I was being treated. Now it's just hard not to hold onto the possibility of her changing. But it's more than that too, because I have to be honest with myself about my feelings as well. Would I ever be able to get over the painful things she said to me? No! Would I be able to trust her again after all the threats? No! Do I want to hold all the space for her because of her mental illness? No. When I said "I do" the day of our wedding I meant it, but it was because I was lying to myself. I was saying yes to the rest of our lives that didn't include BPD. It breaks my heart. It also breaks my heart to think that when I tell her I'm done, I will break her heart too. It's easy to just label them as all bad but she isn't. She will be heartbroken. She will probably take that pain and try to make me feel even worse, but I will be hurting her too. I wish this was easier.