Just had a fantastic week with my husband, really treated him to a lovely week together where we had a spa day, visited Alton Towers, took him to a pretty famous American Smokehouse by word of mouth- a new favourite of ours!
For a quick context: We had to say goodbye again today. He graduated Uni last August and has been really struggling to get into teaching as a newly educated teacher with no experience, but he got a job as a bin man to make ends meet (that being said, it pays fabulously in Denmark, so it's not as rough as it sounds! Certaily no teacher wage, but he was originally quite indifferent to go into any other profession because his passion is teaching and it's where he wanted to be, but he's taking this for us to be together). Brexit is the simple answer as to why I'm not living with my husband right now if you're wondering. I want to go to Denmark to live out life together but due to his lack of work and me only recently recovering from anxiety and depression that meant I could mentally handle full time work or even education again so we had nothing going in our corner until now... ANYWAY! That's why he got absolutely spoilt this week!
∆ Anyway anyway, so we found that the blow is just a little less crushing when we say it as we're just off for a business trip, not going home, because we see each other as our homes. We are home if we're together if that makes sense? So when we meet up again; THAT is us coming home!
Silly isn't it? I dunno, kind of a placebo, kind of gooey and gross, but it works for us. And I thought I'd share it in case it helped any other couple cushion the blow too. Nothing ever fully stops the pain of having to go, but the wording helped to comfort me just a little and gave us a little bit of a laugh ❤️

So a while ago, he cheated on me. I confronted about it once and he lied and said it was just "joke flirting that went too far." Ill call him Jaxon in this and the girl (who at the time identified as transmasc. she detransitioned) will be called Abigail. Jaxon was caught cheating by someone who ill label Jackie. Well she either heard it happening, or saw them leaving the bathroom together and connected the dots. Jackie tells Andrea (all names are fake) and they decide not to tell me (im fine with them not telling me because they had reasons i find valid.) Abigail thinks that Jaxon cares about her. Andrea tells Abigail that she is wrong and Jaxon doesnt care about her. Andrea also finds out that Abigail sent nudes to Jaxon and Jaxon sent nudes back. Andrea does a test on Jaxon and she said it took a while for him to flirt back. (This gave me a small amount of hope) Andrea tells people in the cast for the musical all of us are in. None of them tell me yet. (Andrea told me this during class. but fortime line sake i havent been told yet)
Then flash forward a couple of weeks. I hear the rumor going around about Jaxon cheating. I hear it from a friend (Amelia) that isnt even in theater. Amelia tells me to confront him. I do and he says he isn't. I hear later that same day from someone in the cast (Larry) tells me that he's cheating. I confront Jaxon again and he says "it was just joke flirting that went too far." I trust him and stay with him.
then we get to May 20, 2024. Andrea tells me about how major the cheating really was. I message Jaxon saying we are done. He gives me a really long apology that most of my friends have said it was manipulative. So. the issue is. Ive been secretly messaging him without telling them because im weak. i need help knowing what to believe. Do i wait to see if he changes and get back with him? or do i try to move on entirely? I cant bring myself to hate him. I genuinely want him to reflect on his actions and grow from it. Help.
TL;DR: my bf cheated a while ago, i confronted him, he lied, then i find out the truth, confront him again, got an apology that most of me believes is fake and ungenuine, and have been told he's trying to manipulate me.

So Weekly shonen magazine, the biggest rival to jump, just produced a new “hit”, Mayonaka heart tune, that just got a LCP. Lets look at its stats.
-Mayonaka Heart Tune 3 — 9,443 (12 day sales)
It has gotten an LCP by chapter 30 and is considered a new hit
Lets compare this to a recent similarly performing series in jump
-MamaYuyu 1 10,480 (10 days sales)
It got axed by chapter 30…..
Now obviously they have different standards, and jump cares a lot about toc and survey results, but still this is pretty funny. The same sales performance in jump that would nab you a LCP in WSM, gets you axed in jump.
So most here will be familiar with the minimum requirements for staying in the magazine at present. Its….
Weekly Shonen Jump
1.Sell at least 20-25k in volume sales for the first month (Roboco does 20k, kill blue does about 25k) Gag manga have slightly lower standards though.
2.Avoid the bottom 5 of the TOC for consecutive weeks. Unless there is editorial reason for being put low, or other promotional/magazine related reasons something is low.
Also, You can start at around 15k for volume 1 but you have to grow.
Obviously there are other contextual considerations like whats in the magazine, whats ending etc etc, but right now these are the general standards.
People call this harsh, but shonen jump has gotten more lenient of late. Regardless, this method has served it well… to generate a higher proportion of hits than most other magazine for a very long time.
Lets compare it to the second biggest shonen magazine though.
Weekly Shonen magazine.
1.Sell at least 7-10k in volume sales for the first month (Akabane Honeko no Bodyguard, yowayowa sensei and blue wolves of miba all sell less than 10k)
2.Avoid the bottom of the toc consecutively, but the requirements are less strict. WSM has more discretion with what they put at the bottom, with hajime no ippo and to your eternity put low at times just for editorial reasons.
WSM has more leeway for the mangakas, with break weeks very often, and has less stringent requirement for axing and gives them more time. It is still fairly strict and you will get axed eventually if you don’t perform.
So superficially, jumps method produces bigger hits, and magazines gives more leeway more the mangakas.
Let compare the hits each have produced in the last 4 years .since 2020
Shonen jump (numbers rounded)
Ruridragon 118,000
Sakamoto days (116,000)
Blue Box #12 (110.000)
Mashle (90,000)
Kagurabachi 2 (70,000 est)
Akane Banashi #8 (50,000)
Witch Watch #13 (45,000)
The Elusive Samurai #13 (40,000)
Undead Unluck #20 (30.000)
Nue's Exorcist #3 (30,000)
Kill Blue #4 (25,000)
Me and roboco (20,000)
Weekly Shonen magazine
Shangri-La Frontier #15 + Limited Edition (110.000)
Four Knights of the Apocalypse #14 (62.000)
A Couple of Cuckoos #19 (48.000)
Seitokai ni mo Ana wa Aru! #4 (48.000)
Megami no Café Terrace #12 (41.000)
Amagami-san Chi no Enmusubi #12 (31.000)
Gachiakuta #8 (27.000)
Medaka Kuroiwa Is Impervious to My Charms #12 (24.000)
Sentai Daishikkaku #12 (14.000)
Kanan-sama wa Akuma de Choroi #4 (14.000)
Mayonaka heart tune (10,000)
Yowayowa-sensei #4 (9.700)
Ao no Miburo #11 (8.300)
Akabane Honeko no Bodyguard #6 (6.000)
Observations
1.Jump produced 12 hits since 2020. Shonen Magazine 14. This is by their own standards though.
2.Jump had 37 axes in the same period, shonen magazine had 23 axes.
3.Even though the aggregate sales are higher for jump titles, the highest ceiling is similar. Shangri la vs ruridragon/sakamoto. Shangri la does have an anime though, which only gave a minimal boost.
4.Jump is still better at producing better selling titles more frequently. Magazine axe less and give more time and breaks to the mangakas.
What about series in other magazines?
Monthly Afternoon
Monthly afternoon is a seinen monthly magazine by kodansha, that values quality and gives a lot of time. They let series even with a few thousand sales, have a lot of time to build up an audience, which they eventually do. No idea what the internal process is, but my guess is that they also evaluate for quality on top of popularity.
Here is a series skip and loafer, that started with low sales, but is now critically acclaimed and selling pretty well with an anime.
Skip and loafer
Volume 1/ 2 068
Volume 5/ 8 914
Volume 8/ 28 766 /4 weeks
Volume 9/ 59 996 /6 — anime
Volume 10/ 74 262 /7
https://x.com/al_mavivi/status/1558278403664535552
This method of dealing with new series gives them more time to develop and find an audience. It may not produce as many big hits, but it works for the prestige brand they are trying to cultivate at afternoon and is doing a great job at it. They obviously introduce less and axe less, but that comes with the territory of more curation.
Obviously there are a lot more magazines to go through, shonen Sunday and champion, shoujo and josie magazines, but the post would get too long for all that. The general gist is almost all of them consider a few thousand sales good enough to start, and aren’t anywhere near as strict when it comes to voter survey results. And of course, they dont axe or introduce as many series as jump.
What I also think is interesting is that there seems a clear set of ways in how a magazine can configure their axe methods for different objectives.

1. Do you want to produce the biggest hits?
   
2. Do you care about quality and critical prestige?
   
3. Do you want to give the mangaka more lenience and breaks?
   
4. Do you want to give manga more time to develop an audience?
   

….
Jumps method prioritizes 1 , but considers 2
Magazines method prioritizes 1 , but considers 3
Afternoons method prioritizes 2, but considers 3, 4 and 1
What jump can learn from this?
The question people will ask of course, is why cant you do all 4? If someone figured that out, im sure they would do it. Problem is physical magazines have a finite set of slots, keeping something for too long prevents other things from being cycled in, which is why jump axes so much. People always wonder why jump don’t keep more than 20 titles in the magazine like other magazines. Other magazines do this where they have 25+ series, with a few taking breaks every few weeks. Jump only gives breaks to one piece, jjk and mha. But newbies could do with them too.
Also, others can also produce big hits, Blue lock was the biggest selling manga of last year, and it comes from magazine. Its stats early on
blue lock
1) 25k
5 ) 45k
20/ 197, 494
21/ 278, 301 — anime
22/ 346, 180
23/ 445, 253
Before that there were successes in other genres like Tokyo revengers, quintessential quintuplets etc.
Moreover, since the demographics of jump are changing, prioritizing quality on top of hits is also a good way of transiting into a new era. Look at monthly afternoons lineup after using its method.
https://x.com/al_mavivi/status/1607031535760203776

1. Blue Period 12 — 154 652
   
2. Land of the lustrous 11 — 133 430
   
3. Yakuza fiancé 6 — 121 598
   
4. Big Wind up 35 — 97 861
   
5. Vinland Saga 26 — 80 278
   
6. Skip and Loafer 10 — 74 262
   
7. Darwin Jihen 4 — 66 211
   
8. Heavenly delusion 8 — 31 926
   
9. Medalist 9 - 30,000
   

No massive hits by jump standards, but lots of high quality, award winning, solid selling series….with mangaka who are certainly treated way better.

We've only been dating a month. We starting things out really fast. He wanted to know if we were dating after a week (we were pretty much already doing all the things a couple would do anyways), and I was hesitant because I'm afraid to invest into someone so quickly because I have issues where I'm afraid someone is going to leave me due to many past experiences. So it's very anxiety inducing to have me jump in so quickly. I did end up asking him out regardless. I decided to put all my anxieties aside and still be with him, put all the affection In was afraid to in, etc, etc.
I brought up how I still talked to my ex (he and I were long distance. Literally over 13 hours away. He also has a girlfriend currently. And we obviously had no intentions of being together. We still updated eachother on our lives because we still recognize eachother as people who we care about). He was uncomfortable with that. I tried to offer reassurance and other things, I wasn't entirely okay with not talking with my ex. To be fair, our last discussion was an argument and I haven't spoken to him since. Still, I revaluated and realized I would be okay not talking with my ex again if it meant my boyfriend was more comfortable and needed that.
Eventually my bf brought it up again and how he was uncomfortable. I offered to not speak to my ex again if it made him happy. He said he didn't want that, and it wouldn't matter anyways because he would still overthink. I tried to be positive and say we could work through it and I would be there to support him in whatever way I could. He said I was treating it as if things were gonna 100% work out, and he told me that he was really struggling not to break things off. He said that normally he would have already when he was seeing another person, but since we were dating it was different. He said that he was pretty much "on the edge of doing it already." But he was seriously trying not to because he liked me. He also said I didn't do anything wrong, and he felt bad for having to tell me that, and I didn't deserve any of it.
My abandonment issues kicked in and I just broke down. I said how I was hurt because I felt like I put so much on the line even though it was so difficult for me to just jump in and do that. That I was hurt because no one gave me love the way he did, and it felt like it was for nothing since it felt like he was just gonna leave. I said how this was exactly why I wanted to wait, that if felt like we didn't know eachother enough. I then felt awful and like I made it all about myself. I apologized and said I won't bring it up again unless he does. I then asked if we could spend more alone time together, so I could enjoy what time I had left with him, for whatever choice he made.
So now, I'm unsure of what to do. I understand many might say to just leave. It's very pathetic, but I can't. I can't bring myself to do that. I couldn't forgive myself for the possibility that things would have worked out because I left. It would honestly hurt me less if I waited around and let him leave me. I am doing my best to avoid talking about it or letting my feelings show so he doesn't leave because of that. But I've been crying all the time since it's happened. I am super in my head and am overanalyzing everything again, thinking he's about to leave me at any moment. I don't know if there's anything I can do to help him. I don't know what I should do for myself if I can't get myself to leave.
TLDR; Boyfriend has trust issues because of ex. Says he's thinking about breaking up with me but doesn't want to. I can't do anything to make him feel better. I won't leave him, but am now constantly thinking about when he's going to leave me. What to do if I can't bring myself to leave?
EDIT: forgot to mention: We have never met in person yet, just online. We had plans to meet up (he only lives like 2 hours away) but idk if that's going to pan out or not considering.

I'll start with our background. We started dating in our late teens, were both raised very conservative and religious, but have not been for a very long time. Between dating and being married we've been together nearly 20 years. We both only had 1 sexual partner prior from previous relationships that we both thought were mistakes and wish we'd been each other's first. I definitely have a stereotypical guy high libido, but I'd always thought I didn't need a bunch of sexual conquests because I'd be happy just doing all those things with the person I love.
 
Along the way my wife came out as bi. This didn't bother me at all, especially with her stance at the time of "It just means I also find women attractive just like I find some other men attractive, but I'm married and happy with you so that's not something I need act on". She said she'd probably been bi a long time, but took a long time to admit it to herself due to religious upbringing. I also have an unconventional curiosity. Basically I'm a straight guy, but I happen to find dicks attractive at times despite not being attracted to the rest of the male body. About 3-ish years ago she brought up the topic of if she could act on her curiosities with women. She wanted to try making out and maybe playing with boobs, but seemed extremely hesitant at the prospect of anything below the waist. Since she brought that up I asked about if I'd be able act on my curiosity, with a bonus benefit of maybe it being an outlet for me as well with our struggling sex life (at the time she had a very low libido and I'd get rejected 95% of the time when I tried to initiate sex). After discussing we essentially ended up opening the marriage with the boundaries being:

• She couldn't do anything with other men (nor did she want to).
• I couldn't do anything with other (cis) women.
• It would only be for physical fun. Neither of us could have a romantic relationship with someone else. (I knew and told her there was a high probability I would end up feeling neglected/jealous/insecure if I had to share her romantically). So no gf or bf, just a FWB at most.
• She didn't want this to be something that happened frequently.

Now initially I felt completely fine with the prospect of her fooling around with women. I guess it was just kinda the typical male fantasies of 2 women getting sexual together being hot and who knows if that'd potentially lead to a threesome later (though she no gave indication of that being a possibility). She seemed more hesitant at the prospect of me acting on my curiosities, but gave permission since she thought it only seemed fair if she was allowed to act on hers. I started looking after that and ended up finding a pre-op trans woman. This kinda clicked with me since I was attracted to dick, but not male bodies. We met up and she fucked me. Physically things felt good, but the combination of it being my first time having casual sex and it being very unconventional sex made it feel really awkward for me. Afterwards I felt terrible, like I had cheated. When I told my wife I was literally trembling. She was shocked that I actually did it, and said she felt a little weird but that ultimately she was fine with it. I felt better after she wasn't mad or anything. Now a more stereotypical big kink for me is anal, but I've hardly ever got to try it to even know if it lives up to the reputation of the fantasy I've built up of it in my head. My wife had always been super dead set against even trying it, eventually let me try a couple of times after we'd been married for years, but essentially had her mind made up it was going to be terrible before we even got started so that kinda fell flat despite technically getting to try it. I asked if I could try anal with a trans woman since cis women were off the table. She gave me permission, then a small number of weeks later I met up with the same trans woman and fucked her. Despite physically feeling good, it still felt super awkward to me. I basically ended up coming away with the lesson that casual sex isn't all it's cracked up to be and I HIGHLY prefer sex be with someone I'm very emotionally attached to (aka, my wife).
 
I texted my wife at work to let her know right after it happened. Apparently she let out an audible "god dammit" after she read the text. She said she was fine with it but started kinda giving signs that she was uneasy. It seemed like every few weeks she'd ask in a concerned tone if I'd done anything else since then and I'd tell her I hadn't (the truth) and that if I did I'd tell her. I'd still get horny at times, the fantasy would sound more appealing, I'd browse around online some for an opportunity but between people being flaky and me kinda feeling unsure if I should, nothing ever happened again. I'd mentioned to my wife about browsing around some and I can't remember her specific words now but it gave me the feeling she wasn't crazy about it. Eventually I told her I'd basically given up on that and deleted my relevant accounts. Her response was "good", and not long after that she gave me a hug and said she just prefers monogamy. She didn't explicitly say I couldn't do anything else or that the marriage was closed, but it seemed soft closed after that. I'd occasionally fantasize about my stuff, but post nut clarity after porn was basically that the fantasy was more enticing than the reality. She never attempted to search out someone for her curiosity during this time.
 
The beginning of last year my wife got off her birth control that she'd been on for years. A month or two after that her libido started to come back and things have been great. We'd been very fulfilled and don't feel like I need any other outlet. Early this year she mentioned she wanted to try to act on her curiosity now and asked if I was still ok with it. I said I was, and I guess it seemed fair given I got to act on mine before. It was still the same boundaries we set before and she reiterated it'd probably be some infrequent thing. I think she really started in earnest in March. She kissed a friend, but the friend didn't want to go further than that and make things weird. I felt kinda weird, but I still felt fine at that point. Then she started talking to a girl online, met up in public to get to know each other a bit more, gave a kiss goodbye, and had rough plans that when their schedules/privacy aligned they'd meet up for something sexual. I still felt ok at this point, but then my wife started borderline getting obsessed and it started making me more and more uneasy. She hadn't even done anything with this girl yet but was talking about trying to do this every couple of weeks, saying very poorly worded things such as "what does 'romantic relationship' even mean?" (she later clarified on that, but at the time sure felt like she was purposely trying to push on boundaries). When she could tell I was getting uneasy she'd say stuff like "if you pull the plug on this then I won't be happy not getting to explore this part of myself". There were 2 separate times that when her plans with a woman got cancelled she was so distraughtly disappointed that couldn't get back to sleep and had to call in to work because she had horribly under slept.
 
She talks about how I owe her at least 2 times since that's what I got, but she's kissed 5 women since this started, fooled around with 2 of them above the waist, and wanted below the waist too but badly timed periods kept her from that. She says none of that counts towards her 2 times because they weren't full on sex. I want to be comfortable with it for her, but I just can't seem to be anymore. I feel like it'd be dickish to cut her off before her 2 times, but even when I talk to her about the prospect of closing the marriage after her 2 times she can never seem to acknowledge that she could accept that. She just says stuff like "I just really hope you don't" and "I hope we can find some compromise where we can both be happy". She now says I can look for a woman to do anal with. I tried to entertain that idea, but ultimately felt like I just don't want to bother with all that hassle for casual sex (further complicated by a lot of people not wanting to deal with married men, and even more complicated by them needing to be up for anal). She's now mentioned she'd try anal with me some more now if that'll make me ok with her stuff. She does specify that I'm the one she loves and wants to spend the rest of her life with and that she's not going to leave me for a woman, but that she wants to explore this part of her sexuality. She's also been very affectionate and sexual with me because she says she doesn't want me to feel like neglected over this. She doesn't explicitly say this, but she acts more like it's a need now instead of a curiosity or want. At this point I'm pretty sure I just want monogamy with her. I want our sex lives to just between us and nobody else being with her like that. I feel like if my curiosity had turned into some big thing I was super excited about to do a bunch and she expressed anywhere near as much turmoil about it as I have then I would've stopped right then and there, or at the extreme least slow walk it until we maybe get on a better page about things.
 
Last weekend she really hurt my feelings. For background, the whole time we've been together she has hardly ever let me go down on her. I always found this strange since women are suppose to love that, but I've got so little experience with it that I don't even know how much I do or don't like doing it. There was one time she let me do it long enough to get her off (though now says she doesn't remember that), and nearly all the other times she stopped me after less than a minute. For the most part I just hardly ever try that anymore since getting shot down so much kinda trains you to not even make attempts very much anymore. I'm also 95% sure a few weeks back while we were discussing things I said I'd be pretty unhappy/hurt if she let a woman go down on her since she pretty much won't let me do that (which she says she doesn't remember me saying). Anyway, she mentioned one of the women wants to meet up again next weekend and that the woman is really eager to go down on her (and my wife implying she was fine with this). I think I was dumbfounded at first, then after I had time to process it I was pretty hurt that she was willing to let a stranger do that when she'd barely ever let me. She was baffled that I was so "hung up" about that. We argued and she eventually said she was fine with me doing that now, wants to do that with me and just hadn't thought about it, and that it'd been about her personal hang ups on it and not about me. I asked if she could just tell the woman not to do that part or say she's not ready for that part yet, but then she was upset that I was "trying to dictate" what she can and can't do when she hooks up. I just really wanted to be the first to explore that properly with her for at least a little while instead of it being with a stranger that's probably far more experienced with it than me (not by my choice). I did get to go down on her for a full session last night, but there's definitely a learning curve when being almost brand new to doing it. I just really wish we could have a month or so to 'get up to speed' on that between ourselves before she's having a stranger do it to her.
 
She says she wants to try to find a compromise where we can both be happy, but it seems like that only means her trying to bribe me but that anything that might limit or slow her down seems to be off the table. I just feel like I'm stuck between the choice of suffering through it, or forcefully shutting it down and her probably being bitter about that, which who knows what other issues that'll cause. I just feel like if the tables were turned and she was this distraught then we'd mutually close the marriage because even if I was disappointed about not getting some fun side activities anymore that I wouldn't want to make her feel terrible or guilty for not wanting it to happen anymore. She does at least say if it came down to it that she'd choose me and the marriage over this, but doesn't know how she'd feel about not being able to anymore. The irony is I'd probably be a lot more likely to be somewhere in the realm of comfortable with her stuff if she felt and expressed anywhere near my level of concern instead of soft bullying me into stopping short of closing the marriage. Since it went downhill my mood about it can vary day to day from anywhere between "not really keen on this" to hating it, upset, and sometimes tearing up. I guess my overall feelings after experiencing this whole situation is monogomy is much simpler and dealing with other sex partners while married is nicer as a fantasy than the actual reality.

I'm 19f in college there's this guy 20M in my college I had a crush on him (first year). We talked he used to flirt but then I realised that it's normal for him and I ain't the only one then he started liking one of my friend (she's not my friend now, because she lies a lot) anyways so I realised that he likes her because when we were studying she also came tho I didn't ask her to but idk why she was all dressed up and he kept looking at her that day I realised so I gave up and grew distant i stopped talking to both of them. I moved on then idk what happened between him she cheated of him (according to the rumours she was screwing his bestfriend) this was in 2nd year then that guy started dating another girl I was dating someone else too. Now back in present I'm in 3rd yr and I kept having fights w my ex-bf so we broke up it was not working for both of us it was Idr and we met only once that guy was older and toxic. So after 1 month of my breakup that guy randomly texted me on vacation "that I was wondering why we don't talk anymore" Anyways then our convo started on SC he flirted then I started flirting too and he said ki why didn't you stop me why did u give up in first year blah blah he said he likes me and all I was happy anyways we decided to meet went of a date at night (park) it was empty we started making out and then it I went to his flat and we had sex. Everything was fine he was acting very sweet he didn't force me or anything I thought we'll date. In the morning He dropped me to my place but from the next day in college he started ghosting me I even texted to meet but he said he's busy when I confronted then he said ki aisa kuch nhi h you are overthinking koi excuse de diya uss ne. Maine 2-3 baar pucha ki what's wrong again with some excuse he told me not to tell anyone about that night but after sometime everyone in my class got to know about it. I asked he said he didn't tell them. Why'd he tell people when he asked me not to? I'm very confused I stopped talking to him so he asked if everything was ok he even asked again me to chill ate him home I denied. I'm very confused pls keep your views so that I can get multiple povs.

I'm 19f in college there's this guy 20M in my college I had a crush on him (first year). We talked he used to flirt but then I realised that it's normal for him and I ain't the only one then he started liking one of my friend (she's not my friend now, because she lies a lot) anyways so I realised that he likes her because when we were studying she also came tho I didn't ask her to but idk why she was all dressed up and he kept looking at her that day I realised so I gave up and grew distant i stopped talking to both of them. I moved on then idk what happened between him she cheated of him (according to the rumours she was screwing his bestfriend) this was in 2nd year then that guy started dating another girl I was dating someone else too. Now back in present I'm in 3rd yr and I kept having fights w my ex-bf so we broke up it was not working for both of us it was ldr and we met only once that guy was older and toxic . So after 1 month of my breakup that guy randomly texted me on vacation "that I was wondering why we don't talk anymore" Anyways then our convo started on SC he flirted then I started flirting too and he said ki why didn't you stop me why did u give up in first year blah blah he said he likes me and all I was happy anyways we decided to meet went of a date at night (park) it was empty we started making out and then it I went to his flat and we had sex. Everything was fine he was acting very sweet he didn't force me or anything I thought we'll date. In the morning He dropped me to my place but from the next day in college he started ghosting me I even texted to meet but he said he's busy when I confronted then he said ki aisa kuch nhi h you are overthinking koi excuse de diya uss ne. Maine 2-3 baar pucha ki what's wrong again with some excuse he told me not to tell anyone about that night but after sometime everyone in my class got to know about it. I asked he said he didn't tell them. Why'd he tell people when he asked me not to? I'm very confused I stopped talking to him so he asked if everything was ok he even asked again me to chill ate him home I denied. I'm very confused pls keep your views so that I can get multiple povs.

I'm afraid of my dad forbidding me from seeing my brother. I know I was right but the last thing I want to do is argue with him. After my wfe and I [37 m] got engaged my dad and his wife offered to pay for the wedding. We thought this was a really generous thing to offer but my dad insisted. He said there were no strings attached but he was lying. After we started planning he told me I wasn't allowed to invite my mum's husband (who she met 3 years and married 6 months ago) or allow mum to have any kind of role in the wedding. He didn't even want her sitting in the front rows with the rest of my family. He wanted her seated near the back.
My parents got a divorce 7 years ago. My dad left my mum for someone else. They married as soon as the divorce came through and they could legally marry. I admit I was angry at him for a long time. I admit it feels strange to have a stepmother who is younger than I am, and to have a brother who is younger than my own kids. But for the sake of my brother and for not wanting to have any regrets later on I have tried to rebuild the relationship with my dad.
It was a bridge too far me to try and ban my mum's husband (who my dad has never met) and say mum couldn't have any part in the wedding or sit in the front like the rest of the family. Her husband is decent and we get along. My dad wouldn't budge so we gave him back the money. We decided to get married at the registry office and have dinner at a nice restaurant afterwards. We were not having a large wedding before because my dad is not well off financially at all, but for this we only invited my wife's parents, my mum and her husband, my dad and his wife and my younger brother, my wife's 2 sisters and their husbands and both of my kids. 13 people total. We hired a photographer to take some photos at the registry office and obviously paid for everyone's dinner. I wasn't going to invite my dad, his wife and my brother at all but my mum counselled me to be the better person and not let this overshadow my wedding. My dad, his wife and my brother did not come to the wedding because mum's husband was invited.
The wedding was last week. I tried not to think about my dad being angry with me. He still is though. He says I chose my mum and her husband over him and his wife. My wife has suggested I see a counselor to deal with my feelings about my dad. But I'm afraid if I have less contact or no contact with my dad I won't be able to see my brother. I wouldn't put it past dad to forbid me from seeing him.

I will start with the list:

1. She WILL be getting rid of her dog.
   
2. Her and her BF are not to reprimand my children at all and they will be expected to come tell me or my husband if my children are doing something wrong.
   
3. There will be a list of people whom are not allowed at the house. (Their family and their friends)
   
4. Me, my husband and my children WILL be treated with respect at all times and I will not be treated like a child.
   
5. My husband and I will absolutely be put on the deed as the main deed holder before we move in.
   
6. If any of these demands are not held to the highest standard, I will be withdrawing.
   

Story: my MIL is getting up there in age. Not old (66) but her health isn't the best. She has recently asked us to move in with her because she can no longer work, has zero retirement fund and can't get around like she used to. She needs help and we are the only ones who can help her. She has until the end of the month to pay off $12k in back taxes before her home goes to foreclosure. My MIL by herself is a kick ass woman. I love her to bits. But she's a people pleaser to the extreme and it has absolutely made her fall in to situations that I will never be okay with putting myself in. Her boyfriend is 66yo "Mason". A felon, due to his continuous drunk driving charges. He just got out of prison last year after 6 years on the inside and he is already right back in to drinking all day, every day. He got drunk one night back 8 months ago and decided to go and adopt a 5yo Rottweiler Mastiff mix and then failed to make any attempt to train the animal. It is now food aggressive, kennel aggressive, toy aggressive and resource guards everything. He is aggressive protective over my MIL. So, the dog would have to go. Under no circumstances will I make an exception on this. My children are small (one crawling) and that animal will not get the opportunity to maul my children. Dog stays, we do not move in, period.
Mason also has an old school style of parenting and on more than one occasion has tried to father my children in angry, outdated parenting style ways. Hence why I said neither he nor my MIL will reprimand/discipline any of my children in any way, shape or form. I stated my name will be put on the deed prior to moving in because it will be me and my husband forking over the money to save their home and frankly, I don't trust Mason to not try and kick us out after we do so. So if we are not put as main deed holder, we will not be moving in and she can lose her home. As for the limit on who is allowed at the house: Mason has a family member who is a convicted pedophile (the girl was 4 years old - he went to prison for 13 years) that he hangs out with often. He seems to think that since the man is in a wheelchair, he is now "harmless". Absolutely not. He is not welcome at the home. As for them treating us with respect under all circumstances and not treating me like a child: there has been several times where Mason and my MIL have tried making decisions for me and my husband or told us what to do and I will not tolerate it. I will give more detailed info if you guys need it but this is the break down anyhow.
I presented them the list of demands yesterday and said either my demands are followed or this arrangement will not happen. Mason and MIL are both saying that the list makes them feel as though they are children/guests of their own home and feel like I've now decided I'm going to control their lives and have asked to make changes. As in, they want to keep the dog and have stated that we will just find a way to keep the dog separate from us (nope). Mason also wants his family member to be allowed here but has stated he will keep them in their portion of the house and away from my kids (nope). They also feel they should be able to reprimand and discipline my children if they are doing something wrong if it is "within reason" (nope. I told them they can speak to the parent and that's final. I said I'm not budging. My SIL seems to think I'm being ridiculous. AITA?

New Flash everyone: the guy who hangs out with Daniel Greene(a pro-fairy rights socialist), is loved by redditors, and got a Hugo award is… woke. Who would have ever seen that coming? But, thanks to Jon Del Arroz making a video about it on May 18th, I am here to repeat the news back to you so there is an easily accessible source as to HOW he’s woke. Everything was revealed back in January 2023, but I want people to understand the implications and narrative that he’s presenting when he says his concerns about fairy rights. By the end of this, you will realize that people calling themselves Christian does not cause them to be immune to wokeness.
In fact, with how Christianity has influenced wokeness into existence, it’s likely a lot of "Christians" are what we can call “first wave wokeness”.
For context, Brandon Sanderson is a Mormon, part of the Latter-Day Saints (LDS). Mormonism is almost exclusively a US issue, and I’ve also noticed that there are a lot of youtubers who tend to be Mormon women(probably because they have other women in the house to do the chores). These people are great with money, big in business, and their church is anti-fairy. A lot of problems the fairy-rights activists have are with Mormon churches, which is strange for Europeans to witness with how open a lot of their churches are, outside of the US. Protestant, evangelical, unitarian, the national church of Denmark, it’s a big list.
But in 2008, Brandon wrote an essay about his Mormon beliefs on how Dumbledore from Harry Potter liked to have wands stirred around in his brown cauldron. His quote:

How does this relate to Dumbledore? I'm not trying to present him as an antagonist or a villain. All I'm saying is that if you believe in the truth of your message, then you shouldn't care if someone decent, respected, and intelligent is depicted as believing differently from yourself. Decent, respected, and intelligent people can be wrong--and you can still respect them. It's okay. That doesn't threaten our points, since we (theoretically) believe that they are eternal and stronger than any argument we could make.

Back in this time, Brandon had only been an author for 3 years, but he won an award for his first published book, Elantris. He was being careful with his words, and his take is considered liberal. He was trying to defend the backlash JK Rowling received for her (poor) choice of virtue signaling and tried to mend this defense with his own religion. Mentioning his religious views is what got him canceled back then, which he later apologized for in 2011:

I cannot be deaf to the pleas of \[fairy\] couples who want important things, such as hospital visitation rights, shared insurance, and custody rights. At the same time, I accept and sustain the leaders of the LDS church. I believe that a prophet of God has said that widespread legislation to approve \[fairy\] marriage will bring pain and suffering to all involved.

He was not backing down from his religion yet. His goal post moved to the legal ramifications of the US, which are separate from his church(remember, church and state, supposed to be separate in the US), but he was still saying his religion wanted him to oppose people calling it a marriage and having it in churches. This was a second “cancellation” that didn’t go very far, mostly because he was able to use religion as an excuse for his take, with the Christian Cake Packed With Fudge Scandal not happening yet(2018).
Fast forward to 2023, after he hangs out with a bunch of woke youtubers, and we get a new quote from Brandon:

The church’s first prophet, Joseph Smith, famously taught, “I teach them correct principles and they govern themselves.” My current beliefs are where I’ve arrived on my journey, as I attempt to show the love that Jesus Christ taught. I look forward to seeing further changes in the church, and I work to make sure I am helping from within it to create a place that is welcoming of \[fairy\] people and ideas. I would love, for example, to see the church recognize \[fairy\] marriage among its members. Both temporally and eternally. I would support ordaining \[tinkerbell\] men to the priesthood. (And would support the ordination of women, though that is another issue.)

That’s interesting. It seems like he made a complete 180 on his stance, claims that he’s always believed this new stance, blames Jesus for this new stance, and then doubles down on this new stance by adding female ordination(becoming a priest and higher) and even Tinkerbells. As time went on, he decided that his religion was totally wrong about fairies, and this 13 year difference means way more than the nearly 200 years Mormonism has been around. I believe a fellow Mormon, Shadversity, would love to have a discussion about how any of this makes sense, but I’m starting to feel that he’s the same way. Who knows if Ethan Van Sciver understands Mormonism as well as Brandon Sanderson does, with how easy it is to manipulate prophecies and reinterpret scripture.
But that’s been the point for a while, right?
Wokeness is here to restructure both historical evidence and even religions, in order to shift cultures and social institutions to obey this progressive change. Words are changed in the dictionary, social “norms” are changed to be updated for a “modern audience”, and postmodernists like Foucault were able to trick college kids into thinking the Greeks were all pixie fairies. Once a critical theorist gets their hands on something with power, their goal is not to keep it as it is. It is to keep it for themselves. This is why you will hear these people say everything is subjective, which is secret code for “Look at me: I’m the captain of reality now.”
But wait, it gets better! Brandon Sanderson continued with:

Back in 2007, I was mostly known only in my community, not to the world at large. The essay, then, was directed at my local community, and was more controversial among them (for being too liberal) than it was controversial to the world at large for being \[fairy\]phobic. That might surprise you, if you’ve read the excerpts that often float around the internet. This was mostly me trying to encourage other members of the church to be more open and welcoming of \[fairy\] characters and ideas.
That said, the essay does display the casual bigotry common to people who (like myself) have lived lives where we haven’t had to deal with some of the issues common to the lives of people suffering discrimination. Many of the assertions (such as my view on \[fairy\] marriage) do not reflect my current stance. After writing it, and interacting with those who found it objectionable–even painful–I came to understand them and their experiences better. Though they did not owe me that honor, they gave it freely.

You see, he's honored to hear about the life of a bug chaser.
Brandon cares deeply about the pain he caused to his wallet… I mean the fairies who saw his essay. He was an award winning author back then, he didn’t know it would be a global thing. It was supposed to be only seen by people in Utah, that’s it. This is what we call: bullshit. The woke rely heavily on gaslighting and pretending they’re ignorant of everything, while telling others that they need to learn and understand EVERYTHING about a subject before they are even able to mention it.
He was already big on reddit, he knew all about his fandom, and he knew about his publisher, Tor. The only thing that really changed is that now he is unable to stick to being liberal and he has to present himself as progressive. Why? Well, the new Amazon deal happened recently, and he’s the writer of the series The Wheel of Time. As if Rings of Power wasn’t evidence enough of how Amazon mistreats their properties, Brandon was forced to erase his own past, like Agent J in Men in Black, burning his own hands in the process.
I’m not surprised that he’s woke or even that Christians are falling to this woke inquisition. When I said first wave wokeness, I would like to clarify why it’s the catalyst for all of this stupidity. Wokeness is not of Christian values, but instead a parasite upon Christianity, in the same way Gnosticism and Satanism would be. When Christianity started to allow new sects, and a lot of these were considered valid, the crazy sex cults of the 60s opened the floodgates for a bunch of crazy reinterpretations. It’s the same way as how there are still circles of Christianity that go for flat earth theory or say that dinosaurs don’t exist, with these people usually at the forefront of the home-schooling movement.
It’s not that home-schooling is bad by itself, it’s that bad people use it to then have the good people using it be wrongfully grouped into the same area, in the same way gun-ownership does. This type of bastardization has always been a problem in the US, due to the lack of authority over what makes something categorized as such a thing, thanks to liberalism allowing the freedom to constantly change things. As time went on, this liberalism changed into progressivism, with the key difference being that liberalism is an allowance of change while progressivism is an enforced change. The liberalism of the 1800s allowed the Confederates to claim Christianity approved of their enslavement of black people, by blaming the story of Ham and using scripture to claim it was okay to enslave certain people for generations. We always see this strange cherry-picking of scripture from fake Christians, and this problem has expanded into the Vatican itself with the current and following generations of Popes.
A lot of times, we’ll hear news about how Christians are under attack, a bakery is targeted to expose discrimination, or even where people claim they were banned from twitch for being Christian. But what they get wrong is that they are in the same circle as liberal and progressive Christianity, their openness created this weakness to tourism, and most Christian circles have been taken over in the US since before the 60s. The south has a culture of being liberal, Mormons have a culture of being liberal, protestants are very liberal, all because the US began as a liberal culture in the form of classical liberalism. The libertarian argument is always used by these liberal groups, that changes into the progressive enforcement, and over the years these liberal people get infected by the virus.
Add money to the mix, and we have ourselves an endless chain of liberal minded people falling to wokeness. The “redemption” narrative, along with original sin, from Christianity is currently its main weakness. The appeal to ignorance is another weakness, with people playing skeptic as a snake slithers through the grass. Christianity isn’t the problem by itself, it’s the naivety that comes from blind faith, which then expands into a contradictory blind faith that people are good inside, only to later wonder why everything is changing for the worse when evil people are put in charge. Fantasy stories have been under attack by the woke for quite a while, long before they tried to appropriate Tolkien with Rings of Power.
The fantasy that is controlled by the woke is an extension to their attack on religion, because to them a fantasy story is no different than a bible. Mythological presentation, symbolic themes, a dream-like world to present morals to follow; the entire thing has been used by Brandon to then have him later claim that he’s always had fairy characters since the beginning. Sure, his religion says fairies are bad, but then he virtue signals by claiming he’s always made fiction about how they’re good. He would never say this if the publishing world made sense and if publishers were the way they were in the 1950s. That is because he would never have to choose between religion and money back then, with money always mattering more to the typical materialist.
I’m sure people will say that I’m being hard on Christians, or that I’m evil for saying this, or even that I am a satanist for noticing. These people would only be angry at the truth being said, which is the opposite of what Christianity teaches. Fantasy writers, like Brandon, have a lot of supporters, with this support merging between the woke and Mormons. So many feel that they need to make sense of their fandom, so they claim their religion is wokeness, converting it into blind Satanism. This is far from the truth and we need to condemn those who focus solely on radical subjectivity.
Especially if they blame God for their stupid takes, like how Brandon does now.

Hello everyone, idk who to talk to so im writing on this website. I've never been someone who easily gave up but at this point everything is just overwhelming. I'm 20 yo and in my last months of school bc i failed a year and i feel like i've seperated from everyone that once was in my life. Throughout my life i've changed grades multiple times and lost the social circle with it. Lately i've changed and became less of a pushover and told my friends when i didnt like how they treated me. They reacted weird and I hung out less and less with them. I dont really like them i just hang out with them to atleast have someone. A year ago my parents got divorced and i live with my mom and sister while my dad lives alone. My mom changed when we went through this and i feel like she is more rude to me than ever. Despite being challeged to find friends i can trust i feel like even my family is growing apart from me. My father doesnt try to understand me although im sure his time is worse than mine. I feel like my sister is straight up disabled. She cant even speak proper sentences and i struggle to form a connection with her aswell. In school i was always with the two friend groups i've seperated from. I've never liked them and just went along bc i had noone. As i changed i wanted to find different friends but i couldnt. If im alone i have such low self esteem that i cant even talk to the cashier etc. I've tried to level up my social skills with many videos and tipps online but nothing ever helped me. I feel like im not made for someone to love/like me. I've grown up islamically and i still believe in it but i feel like because of the rules i couldnt partake in drinking/partying which made me different to other people. I've had many female friends when growing up but as i grew up to about 13 years my father shouted at me and forbid me to talk to them. Now i can't even hold a conversation with a woman and i feel like ive never ever gonna find a woman because my dad wants it to be islamic but i couldnt even do it if it wasnt islamic and i stuggle to even slightly escalate over text and cant even ask a female classmate for the time. I feel like i can open up to nobody and cant form a deep social connection to people. I live in germany i am half german and as i grew up i've always been with german friends and kinda thought of other muslims as weird because they got lower grades and couldnt talk properly. I feel like i dont fit to any race/culture. My mom and also my dad greatly helped me at everything i did before the divorce but now they dropped everything at once while i struggle with live/girls/friend and all of it overwhelms me and i dont really think i will ever be able to fix my life. When i ask my mom to just buy healthy food like she did before the divorce she shouts at me and hits me. While she buys everything my 18 yo sister asks for. My sister also insults me and when i defend myself my mom hits me. I feel like the whole world is against me and it happened over night I hope to find someone who reads my whole message and can give me advice who maybe was in a similar position or is experienced in life.

Hi I wasn't quite sure who to speak to about this so I decided to use a burner account.
So I 18F have known this guy, 18M (let's call him Connor) since we were kids. Like we have known each other since birth. Now Connor and I live about an hour away from each other and our families used to meet up a bit when we were younger. However, about 5 years ago or so our mums fell out and so we didn't see each other for 5 years. Yet a few months ago, my grandma died and as Connor's mum and my grandma were quite close. We actualy ended up meeting up because we went to visit my grandpa on the same day thatConnor went to the same area to see a play (of a GCSE text that he studies). When our families met up I was actualy taken by surprise, I remembered Connor a bit form when I was younger but of course he was all grown up now and so different than my memory. Not that I'd admit it in my teenage embarrassment but I found Connor really quite cute and after dinner, we went on a small walk round the village to just talk because we were around the same age and our parents went off to get ice cream. We talked about our schools (him going to an all boys school and ke just a public one) and how different they were. I really enjoyed talking to Connor and so when he asked if I had snapchat I of course said yes. Before this I didn't use it like at all. I didn't have any snapstreaks and only had it installed. But after this we kept on talking every day and it was really quite nice to have a friends a friends I spoke to every day.
However at some point my friend, Braleigh (17F but 18 in 2 days) found out about Connors existence because I think my friends spoke about him because ethey kept on teasing him about me (they asked what I did at the weekend and when I said I met a family friend they all made innuendos). Now Braleigh and I hadn't been friends very long but she enjoyed teasing me about Connor but after begging for weeks, I finally showed a photo of him to her and her friends (My first mistake). She said he was ugly and I couldn't really defend him because at this point I hadn't even accepted the crush myself. So time progressed and at some point around Christmas, Connor asked me to give her snaochat to me because he enjoyed teasing her when on my phone. I didn't want to but he said something like "come on don't be boring" and I stupidly accepted.
Now one thing you need to know about Braleigh is she is very good at trying to message guys. No offence to her but she isn't the most attractive but she gives attention to many guys (even in lower years) and is very well experienced. Up until this point she had been in a relationship for about a month with her first boyfriend (now ex) in the year above.
Now I wa strally worried when driving home and when he began to give slower response times than usual I began to get really worried that he was messaging her back and not me (ehich he's fine to fo its his life) but I was in denial about my feelings at this point. Now my family ended up visiting his a few weeks later just after Christmas and ge said he blocked her and we even got into an argument about him not long before. She aid I was acting "stroppy" and ignoring her (she was talking about a time I felt really sick and wanst speaking to anyone just sat with my head in my hands). She said "fine I'll block him" and I thought that was that. She playfully joked about sharing his snapchat to the people in my school because they were all interested about this "Mystery Connor, [my] boyfriend." No matter how often I told them we weren't dating, they didn't drop it (mainly because I'm not really attractive and am not really expected to find love)
Time skip to a few weeks ago. Braleigh and I fell out because some of her friends were gossiping about her behind her back. One of her friends said that it was awkward in lesson when I gave her ex-boyfriemd (This is Braighleigh's second and they had been going out for a month and a half give or take). I said yeah but wanted wanted to drop it because she'd already said the same thing in the lesson and I didn't think it wa say of our business. Now some people started calling her a slag and I think unintentionally U said something that supported that (which I would never want it to be my intention) but two days later she ended up sending me loads of accusatory texts. Now I said to her that I didn't say anything like that and it's mone of my business about her relationships. But a day later she said "why did you lie" and I just didn't want want get involved and said well I'm confused now but I'm sorry. I don't think it's best if we hang out for a bit etc. (Which is fine because she isn't even in my main group of friends she was just a good friend I had outside of that). She said good and a thought that was it. However, the next day at school, she started standing really close to me and my friends where we were stood, talking (like half a meter, it was concerning) and I could see her constantly turning to look at me in teh corner of my eye. I just ignored ignored because I'm sure it would blow over. Yet next week, a friend if mine said oh at Braighlrigh was gossiping about you behind your back. And I said well that's annoying yet she's being hippocritcial is that's what she claimed I did but oh well, it didn't affect me directly, she can do what she wants. I continued to ignore her because eif she wanted to talk then she can approach me but U have other, better friends so uts fine. I haven't spoken about her once (not yo her friends or anyone else) and it really was a thing of out of sight, out of mind situation.
Cut to today where Connor snaps me saying, somethings happening. I said in what way? He said Braghleigh added me... I said OK... and he said that she told him all of what happened and he wasn't picking sides yet. Which kind of annoyed me because me falling out with Braigheigh has nothing to do with him and now she's dragging in out. So I told him, you're great but it has nothing to to with you. And he agreed. But I can't say that I went into a shop with my family and just started stressing (to the point where tears started started fall unwillingly). And I began to feel sick. This only happened once before when Braighleigh said Connor looked fit in a photo and whilst I felt sick for the rest of the day I also pushed it to the back of my mind because she was in a relationship.
Now I know that I can't control either of their actions, they're both poeple in their own right because U really know what I want to do. I want to move on from this guy that I'm left crying over but can't seem to do it. Like I don't know what to do and haven't even been in a situation where I've liked a guy like this or this much. It genuinely make some feel ill and don't know what to do. Could someone give advice. Please and thank you :)

So, I'm in a bit of a predicament. I made friends with this girl on tiktok, I gave her a follow on one of her videos, she added me back and we got along quite well once we got talking. The issue is, she started asking to get to know me more and I honestly didn't really know what to say. I told her the basics but It was quite open ended, like do you wanna know about like my hobbies or do you wanna know how I sprained my ankle when I was 13 kind of thing 😂. She was in the same predicament, I asked her about herself and she wanted more specific questions but I just didn't really know what to ask or how deep we were going with it, so it ended quite awkwardly. We talk every now and again but I just feel like I've come across quite boring and she seems so lovely, since then I've thought of so many ways i could've taken that conversation and it's kinda bugged me. I wanna text her and get to know her more but I don't know how to approach the topic or get back onto that conversation cause it was going so well.. This feels so random but yeah any advice would be helpful 🤣

Haven't attended classes since the beginning of April. My final project is due... I actually don't know when it's due. Although I will try to pass all the exams in June. I hope I won't be kicked out. I hate it. I wish I didn't go there. I wish I took a gap year after graduating high school, as I initially wanted to. Constantly anxious, worrying about everything, and being in a fight or flight state over minor things. Quarantine gave me a much-needed break, but it didn't last long. My final high school year was really stressful, and this anxiety lasted until last summer. I did really well at uni last year. I was really proud of myself and managed to take a mental break from it for two months, which flew by so fast. I don't know what triggered me to spiral this time, but I have never been this bad for this long. I think it was a combination of a really stressful semester, which I've never fully "recovered" from (the winter break lasts two weeks, and I spent it being sick and asleep for 16+ hours a day because of medication), and stress from driving school. My driving instructor is a little bit older than me, but he treated me poorly. Of course, I am dumb. I know shit about cars and driving - that's why I came here. I was shaking before every lesson. I couldn't go to another one because transferring is expensive. He did some shady stuff with our driving practice hours. He would assign me three hours, call another student, and we two would drive for only an hour each. I obviously didn't pass, which I'm not really mad about. I don't think it's entirely my fault. I rarely shower, brush or floss my teeth, or go out. I finally mopped the floor (I haven't done it since late March) like four days ago??? I don't have the will to do anything. I became distant from my mom. I can't tell her anything. She feels something is wrong with me. I just can't talk about my feelings. Like physically, it's hard for me to talk about it, I shut down and swallow my words. There's no one who can take care of me or help me. My mom lives 400 kms away from me. My bf is supportive, but he clearly doesn't understand. He blames me, basically calling me ungrateful for everything I have, lazy, and not willing to change. It hurts really bad that he sees me this way, but there's definitely some truth in his words. I wish I was strong. I wish I was different. But I'm weak. I'm a garbage human. I am worthless. I don't have any hope for the future. I don't know what to do. I'm lost. I'd definitely kill myself if it wasn't for my close ones. I can't imagine the pain it'd cause them. I don’t have any profitable skill (yet?). I don’t have passion for anything (except for art). I don’t see myself having an actual job, being a professional or whatever. I’m actually terrified rn thinking about it. I’m ashamed and guilty for letting my family down.

Here are my 9 ideas for future novels and the authors that would be perfect for them.

1. The War of Beginnings Trilogy by Joseph Staten:

the first book would cover the first half of the war between the Sangheili and the San' Shyuum mainly covering the events from The Desecration of Ulgethon to the Raid at Codisfold, The second book would covers the events in the aftermath of the Raid at Codisfold and included other events like when The Sangheili warrior priests reluctantly begin using the forerunner relics to improve their warships, arms and armor. ending with the beginning of the Battle of Sanghelios. The Third and Final book would cover the full Battle of Sanghelios, Breaking Shadow a coup d'etat against Pervading Stone, and the signing of the Writ of Union.

1. a Game of Thrones style series of books set during the Blooding Years by Troy Denning:

I think the Blooding Years are a very important war in the Halo Universe but they were barely touched by 343. We saw the start in the Kilo-Five trilogy and the end in Halo 5 (well technically the true end of the war will be in the third Onyx book) but we know nothing of all the battles and politics that take place in-between. Troy write Sanghelil politics very well and I think he is perfect to write this series covering the full period as only see the beginning that we see in Kilo-Five Trilogy.

1. A Darth Plagueis style novel for The Prophet of Truth and Tartarus by Joseph Staten:

Somewhat of a continuation of the Covenant plot line from Staten's first novel Halo Contact Harvest as not only we get to see Tararus rise to the ranks and eventually becoming Chieftain of the Brutes but also getting to see how The Prophet of Truth's plan develops as well as general Covenant politics.

1. A Novel about the First Immolation and the integration of the Brutes into the Covenant by John Shirley:

For those who don't know, the First Immolation describes the planet wide nuclear civil-war that engulfed the Brutes and ended in apocalypse just shortly before their discovery and subsequent integration into the Covenant.
Much like Broken Circle gave us insight and perspective on the founding of the Covenant, and the tensions that lingered until its collapse, I think diving deeper into this period can give us further insight into Jiralhanae/Sangheili relations from the onset, and why the Jiralhane were so quick to accept Covenant religious doctrines and technology (potentially viewing this incoming alien race as saviors from their own destruction).
I also think it's an interesting notion that the Brutes were around our current present day tech level (nuclear weapons but confined to their home system), upon their discovery by the Covenant, and less advanced than humanity was at the time in 2492. However unlike humanity who managed to avoid nuclear war, knock on wood, the Brutes succumbed to it due to their own innate nature. I've always found intelligent Brute characters and leaders such as Atriox, Castor and Hekabe incredibly interesting, so I'd love to gain some insight into their pre-Covenant politics and what lead them to the path of war.

1. A Young Adult Novel about Miranda Keyes by Beth Revis or Claudia Grey:

This one is a bit hard choice because I really loved Beth Revis Star Wars Rebel Rising which was a novel covering Jyn Erso life in the 13 year gap from the prologue when she was rescued by Saw Gerrera to when we see her in Prison at the start of Rogue One. What I like about Rebel Rising is that it is a very dark novel despite being young adult. That said I really loved Claudia Grey's own Star Wars work like Lost Stars and Leia: Princess of Alderaan the latter of which I could a Miranda novel having a similar format.
Regardless who would be the author the novel would take place around after 2541 to 2550 C.E. as the former was the year that Miranda was accepted to the Academy at Marie Nubium pre-enlistment training at age 16, making her the second-youngest to ever have attended the school. After graduating with honors, she immediately requested assignment to active duty.
The Novel would begin where Miranda is assigned to the UNSC Hilbert, an older, unarmed science vessel patrolling the outer reaches of UNSC-controlled space. This was due to her mother's influence, who wanted to keep Miranda out of harm's way. Nevertheless the ship would be used by Keyes to play a critical role in the Battle of Gamma Pavonis VII, (In which we would actually see this battle in this book.) by ramming the Hilbert into a Covenant destroyer. In the following years that the book would also cover is Miranda's time in the front lines, playing a crucial advisory role in the coordination of several major offensive strikes against Covenant targets. This proved invaluable to her as she quickly rose through the ranks of the UNSC. Throughout her career, she was forced to confront accusations of nepotism from those who ascribed her rapid rise in rank to the position and influence of her father, Jacob Keyes.
Throughout the book, Miranda resentment her estranged mother, there would be a scene in the book where while she was a Midshipman, she sent her mother a message, stating that she was somewhat aware of what Dr. Halsey had done. (the Book would explain how did she learn about this classified information.) She promised to keep who her mother was a secret, simply because she didn't want her father associated with what she had done. She ended the message promising to make sure she would take after him.
Anyway the book would end around April 2550 where Miranda is promoted to the rank of Lietuenant Commander in a promotion ceremony at downtown Quezon on Reach. in which Fleet Admiral Terrence Hood also personally awarded her the Silver Star, and it was announced that she would assume command of the Amber Clad.

1. A Thrawn-esque novel about Atriox by Troy Denning or Timothy Zahn himself:

A dedicated novel on Atriox who is more of a Thrawn equivalent in the Halo series as a brilliant, cunning commander who is largely explored from the perspective of other characters (Eli Vanto in the Canon Thrawn novel, Captain Pellaeon in Legends IIRC) as the Rise of Atriox comics explores Atriox's own rise from the perspective of his enemies, those who tried to execute him to those who would become his allies.
But while Rise of Atriox does a solid job at establishing Atriox's rise, there are several "gaps" that need to be filled where a Atriox-centred novel could help, such as Atriox unifying the Jiralhanae clans across Doisac and the Jiralhanae colonies as the Nanished expand without the Covenant empire imposing on their rise to providing deeper insight as to why Atriox made his plays at the Ark and Zeta Halo. Even Atriox's origins are a mystery, such as what skein he may have been associated with to Escharum's mentorship to a young Atriox to Atriox serving as a member of the Bloodstars with Castor.

1. a series of one-off novels covering lesser known battles and engagements of The Human Covenant War:

Give us the full accounts of Battles such as The Battle for Tribute, The Defense of Mars, The Battle of Meridian and of course The Full Battle of Earth (covering events that didn't see in Halo 2, ODST, Uprising, and Halo 3.) give us points of views from not the spartans but from the marines think of Band of Brothers but maybe a flair of Andor.

1. A Horror Novel about The Fall of High Charity by either Joseph Staten or Tessa Kum and Jeff VanderMeer (the latter two are the authors of The short story Mona Lisa.

I would love a book about the fall of High Charity. How the Prophets reacted to the surprise outbreak and the Flood, the Prelates rescuing them, the civil wacomplete collapse of the Covenant society, their capital being transformed into a hive and the population being trapped inside.

1. A Third Anthology book by various authors:

Not sure about the rest of the stories but the one I'm currently thinking about is a full story about the Battle of October 10 about the short engagement of Battle Group Rhino of the UNSC Navy's Third Fleet and the unknown ship that resulted in the loss of UNSC Totem Lake. It mostly from the perspective of the UNSC so the mystery of who is this unknown alien threat would be preserved as not everything have to be explained just keeping mystery with the short story mostly from the UNSC's perspective you could have panic and fear within the fleet especially those on the Totem Lake.

I dont speak to my kids. One of them even disowned the whole family name legally.
As soon as we divorced you had your other kids dad up in there swiftly and got rid of the last name quickly too.. . He was abusive yet you protected him, kept my non abusive ass at bay with the law, and then made an attempt to COMPLETELY TAKE THE KIDS FROM ME AND KEEP THEM INTEGRATED IN YOUR TOXIC ABUSIVE SITUATION....While ridding them of me because of my toxic ways. It failed because I researched and document enough of your rachet behaviors to keep them in my life. But for some stupid reason I always took your fake well wishes, and word soup at face value. But you were never supportive at all. You just showboated it. Even letting me use the car as when I was working on shit for you...and as soon as someTHING else came along you desired, and feared I might hinder by being a part OF THEIR LIVES you forced me out of their lives... OVER TOTAL FABRICATED LIES, refused to tell me what was my charges against me, and kept me stonewalled for over three years over the lies, AND ALLOWED THE KIDS TO THINK I ABANDONED THEM THE WHOLE TIME we were no contact.
I almost died over that shit. That literally almost killed me. And you dont GAF. Your kids relationship with their father...WAS DEEMED DISPOSABLE BY YOU. It came in last behind your trips, vacays, abusers, feinds that were "part of your friend family", even your style of "open parenting" (aka let them raise themselves while i party, and tour the ether with toxic bunny besties, blasting away the liquid allowances of men with one foot in the grave that had desires of not being lonely and were willing to sponsor "fun lifestyles") (although you did keep them well clothed, well fed, and gave them a great work ethic) was deemed. You decided that their boyfriends moving in with them at your house while they were young teens while you "did your thang girl" retreating, resorting, concerting, and discovering...WAS MORE OF THE SOLID THING TO DO THAN LET THIER DAD COME IN AND PARTAKE IN SOME OF THAT "RAISING".
Am I saying I could have done it better? No. NOT AT ALL.
Im saying you could have been more understanding and more including, and more accepting. You crucified me for the same shit you allowed...REGUARLY CONSISTENTLY FOR YEARS IN THE KIDS LIVES AND PROXIMITY.
Once again Im not saying I could have done it better...but I always trusted you..and figured you would include me with honest intentions. But it was always lip service to have plausible deniability that you held ill will when you came time to discard.
FOR FUCKS SAKE THE FIRST TIME YOU TRIED TO TAKE THE KIDS FROM ME TOTALLY, AND LAYED ALL THE DAMNING EVIDENCE IN FRONT OF YOU WITH "MY OWN HAND WRITTEN CUSTODY AGREEMENT" AND YOU WALKED IN THAT COURT ROOM BARELY EVEN KNOWING WHAT WAS IN THAT LONG AGREEMENT. AND YOU TOLD THE JUDGE "WEVE DECIDED TO COME UP WITH OUR OWN AGREEMENT, AND HAVE IT NOTARIZED" WHEN 30 MINS PRIOR YOU THOUGHT YOU HAD THE KIDS OUT OF MY LIFE "IN THE BAG"
wHAT DID MY AGREEMENT SAY?
i COULD HAVE DESTROYED YOU AND MADE IT TAKE MONTHS OR YEARS TO PROVE YOURSELF FIT..BUT I CHOSE A 50/50 EVERYTHING BECAUSE THATS HOW PPL ARE SUPPOSED TO BE. EVEN IF ONES DOWN AND ONES UP. CO PARTENTS AT LEAST
And you always claimed "the high ground" while doing THIS SHIT. You were all deception and projection...What am I guilty of?.FINANCIAL IMPOTENCY AT THE WORST..Neglect in our together years...and after that lady..you were a liar through and through. Years of fakery. Every kinds word ended up with you trashing me with the refuse. And you always blamed me...Even knowing you were chasing selfish motives and had the discard already set up.
You did me the favor of forgiving a massive amount of child support. Im grateful..but honestly id do time over the forgiving of debt to be with my kids as real family dad and kids...not with "you" I dont even research your life or inquire about it to others. I no longer care. but Id do years to be able to communicate with them, and having a real shot at them knowing me without your long term influence. Id trade just about anything but my soul for a shOT at their open hearts and open minds about me without your "love and care" influencing how they see me.
I have been told by several of your once friends, now ops..that my youngest might not even be mine. But I havent a clue if theres any truth to it, although it makes sense and little dick S ties into that perfectly.
Ive lost you all, youve helped that. I used to long for a you I coulkd trust. Not a you romantically but a you I could love as family and work with in life. I believed in a true you and was in love with you, making you a gold standard of what a good woman is for damn near two decades after we split...through all your lies, deception, projection, discarding, and cutting down...WHILE YOU INFLUENCED THE KIDS THAT I WAS SHIT.
THEY DONT KNOW HALF OF THE MALICOUS TRUTH ABOUT "ME NOT BEING THERE"
YOUR HALF...A BIG HALF
I keep saying I forgive and hold no ill will. but i am deeply firey inferno type angry. I want to take my aquarius air sign capabilities...and stoke and bellow fires to carbonized you landscapes earth sign. I want to blow waters upon your scorched earth and turn it to dark brown mud. I want to starve your barren mud pits of oxygen so green grass or plant of life wont inhabit it. And in the sorrows that come with stripping you down with my furious wrath of air..at your darkest..I want to send tornadoes, hurricanes, dust storms, and ravaging wind storms to keep you uncomfortable and in chaos...not even allowed to enjoy the "calm and peace in the depression of the mudscape"
But my fury will stay composed. you arent worth the exertion of my energy anymore. because you are not a person i know...and you are not someone who i have known since our divorce, and you havent allowed me to know the real you, or tried to know the real me.
I speak to the void, and leave you be..
but if these winds start to blow into a tempest they would rip apart all of your beauty..and decimate EVERYTHING YOU APPRECIATE, LOVE, OR WANT TO KEEP WITH YOU INTO PIECES...
the wind has nothing to lose..you cant take away from it..you cant add to it...you can just influence it and pressure it in your earthen vessels. It can starve fire of O2, Starve your green growths and florals of life, steer and stoke flames to carbonize your whole surface level facade, it can catalyze and thunderstorms, tornadoes, and hurricanes to pelt your surface...and wash you down to tho the levels of molecular sediment in the seas... and what you take from air displaces and when it comes back around..it is still air..whole and intact..even if its polluted...blowing in anger fires, floods, and storms upon you...driving frozen seas ashore on your beaches puncturing your picturesque places of dreams with daggers by the millions, slowly forcing the way inward...multiplying in number
So let me say since my kid changed the name legally, you changed yours too, and the other may or may not be mine but hates and has disowned me anyway...that if there are past lives, next lives, soul bonds or eternal connections...they end here and now. like YOU wanted, but used your motherly influence over time spanning times to make them feel that its exactly what they wanted too.
the complete opposite of what i want, or have ever wanted.
.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.''.'

UNLESS there is some major major changes that happen on this 3d plain FROM YOU, AND YOUR BULLSHIT, ACCOUNTABILITY AND TOXICITY, COMMUNICATION, COMPASSION AND REMORSE....

Then spiritually , In front of The Lord as I believe. I release any and all connections to you. Asking that it ends here and my knowledge of you, and ties to you be broken... in heaven, in earth, and any and all realms and plains of existence, embodiment, life, and after life.
And I write this should I suddenly meet my demise and we never "got equal in spirit" on this plain...so it can be effective if God is willing at the point of my ending.
count your blessing because if was set off in untamable rage... everying on you, around you, that you shelter, that you desire, that you hold dear, that you value, that you enjoy, that you trust, rthat you associate with...,and that makes you... you gets decimated...and you get decimated...and all this destruction becomes an integrated part of my decimation of my own self...my rage...with nothing to lose....everyone and everything would see loss and suffering.
Glad this wind is mature enough to hurt and still be kind and compassion to ppl and frogiving of the human ways of selfishness....i cant waste another breath...im good ppl. and you hurt me IN THE DARKEST WAYS...
but i want to help ppl grow...and benefit ppl...
not hurt them...
thats what makes me stronger than you too

Hello there! I've still not entirely recovered after finishing Rebirth, that ending was just whoa. I believe I've watched/read most of the theories out there regarding the game's finale and Aerith's fate, but none of them managed to explain everything sufficiently. I admit I'm in the "I hope Aerith lives" camp, but I understand the corner the developers wrote themselves into: Aerith fans and the japanese fanbase at large will riot if she dies for good, and purists will riot if one of the games' central themes (coping with loss, grieving) is broken. A textbook case of trying to have your cake and eat it too. Unless they find a way to do both?
Trying to get my mind off FF7, I replayed Zero Escape: Virtue's Last reward (seriously try it if you were more impressed than annoyed by FF7R's multiverse shenanigans, it's the real good stuff), and one of the puzzles caused a bit of a eureka moment to me. A secondary solution to a puzzle in one of the rooms is the sentence "SHE KNOWS EVERYTHING". It obviously hints at a character in the game and not FF7, but with the implications of the two games thus far in the remake continuity (plus AC), one character in Zero Escape bears a striking resemblance to Aerith: Akane Kurashiki (Big spoiler for the first game in ZE: 9 hours 9 persons 9 doors).
Both are capable of jumping between their selves in different timelines and have awareness of it. Akane is trying to prevent her own death by gathering information she needs to escape death via incineration, from other timelines and in the future. Would Aerith resign to her own fate even in command of such a power? Pre-chapter 13 it's heavily implied she wouldn't, why would discovering that she's basically omniscient change this?
Unless she has a plan cooking. She's being relentlessly hunted by someone who also has multiversal knowledge and could overpower and kill her any day of the week. She needs to throw Sephiroth off her trail somehow. If you played Persona 5, the situation might be familiar to you... (spoilers for Persona 5 follow)
In that game, the protagonist Joker and his fellow phantom thieves are being cornered by the detective Akechi, who at that point is a traitor amongst them. How do they get out of the situation? By failing an infiltration, Joker getting caught, the tricking Akechi into a cognitive version of the interrogation room he's being held in and letting him kill Joker there. Akechi is in the belief that he killed Joker in the real world.
This got me thinking: what if Aerith pulled a similar trick? Her situation is a bit more complicated, in that she knows Cloud is under Sephiroth's control, so she has to fool the party as well to fool Sephiroth. Her mournfulness in the Ch14 date could come from her impending doom - or the guilty conscience from what she has to put the party and especially Cloud through and that she may doom one of her alternate timeline selves to death.
As for the how, there are multiple possibilities, but the one I find most likely is that she swapped her consciousness with the comatose Aerith from Zack's world. As for when it happened, I believe it was at the moment when everyone was distracted by the smoke and mirrors - the moment Cloud deflected Sephiroth's blade. Whether this happened for real and created a timeline shift, one where Aerith lived and one where she was impaled, or just in Cloud's mind, it doesn't matter. It's the ultimate red herring. Cloud can have a revelation at some point in the 3rd game that she failed to save Aerith, he still won't know that the body Sephiroth stabbed didn't have Beagle!Aerith's soul in it, but Terrier!Aerith's comatose and possibly damaged soul. Such a last-second switch of a would-be-victim isn't the first time Square pulled this. It's what happened in Chrono trigger too! Remember what Marlene said about Terrier!Aerith to Zack? "When Aerith wakes up, she will be killed." Why does she wake up? Because she switched places with Beagle!Aerith!! Terrier!Aerith's body now contains Beagle!Aerith's soul, the one that prayed at the Forgotten Capital, the one that's whole, healthy and undamaged. Marlene was right, although the "multiple versions of Aerith" thing went over her head, understandably.
And if Cloud split the timeline again by deflecting Masamune, and can see both timelines? All the better. Where is the real black materia? Hidden in the void between worlds. Where Cloud's mind is right now. That may be why he finds the black materia in his pocket. That will draw Sephiroth's attention, lure him towards his OG plan of summoning Meteor, a threat Aerith can deal with once the party defeats Sephiroth at the northern crater.
As for who fights beside Cloud in Rebirth's final boss battle? I believe it's omni!Aerith, the one who gave premonitions of the future to her self in Remake, the one who visited Cloud in his dream in Remake chapter 14.
Why do I think this explanation could predict what happens in Part 3? Because this way, the writers can keep their cake until the very last minute, then eat it. The party and the player can go through coping with Aerith's "death", then have her return at the very last minute to appease those who yearn for her survival, at the climax of the game, when Sephiroth is weakened, on his last phase and Meteor needs to be stopped. This way, she can be kept out of the plot for the most part, and her presence, both story- and gameplaywise can be a postgame reward. Not to mention the mindblowing revelation of her complex plot at the end.
Anyway, that's just my theory, I needed to write it out of me. 2027(?) can't come soon enough.

I'll start off by saying I don't want to sit here and write a post of another failed set of parents, but, alas, I have nobody else I can speak to about this that would really understand. I've found therapists do be rather unhelpful and I truly have trust issues with people. I've kept a lot of this inside for my life and at this point I think I just need to somehow let it out instead of punching holes in walls or screaming in anger randomly. Maybe writing it here would help me sleep a full night or be a little happier in life?
Either way, I would genuinely appreciate hearing your take on this for those who have experienced a similar past. I'm not looking for sympathy, but a possible path that I can take in getting rid of this hate I have inside of me for good.
​
​
By the age of 13 I had already been living with different friends for months and months with no idea where or what my mother was doing. I went to school but only when I wanted to, otherwise I would wander around and skateboard on the streets until it was time to go 'home'. She would randomly show up in her beat up 80s Honda accord with everything she owned in the backseat to see me once in a BLUE moon. Never once did she speak with my friends parents or caretakers about me, just assumed I would worm my way into another family and their life and become another mouth to feed with no explanation. As a kid you don't really see it from an adults perspective, but as an adult you know there's a failed adult behind this child in your home.
I knew the situation wasn't ideal, but I was living with my best friend at the time for a while as a kid. Every night was video games with your best bud, how bad can life be?
My mother was 17 when she had me, and 16 when she had my brother both with the same guy. I never knew my brother, he was given away because either she was too young or she didn't want him. I spoke with him a few times on social media, but nothing more. I don't use any social media so any contact I did have is gone. He didn't know I existed until I had reached out and has never spoken with our blood parents.
Super mommy did it all. Drank whatever and whenever she could, frequently used drugs (even sold them to my friends who were in middle school for a couple of bucks), fist fought anyone that upset her (including men and myself at a certain age) and was always the victim in these scenarios. She hadn't been this way for as long as I knew her, but majority of the time it was. She had a temper like no other and felt like it was "her" superpower. When it reality it's just a weakness that everyone gets to experience firsthand, either verbally or physically depending on the day. "You can fuck with mean, but you can't fuck with crazy!" she'd say, moments before road raging with a stranger at midnight in the middle of nowhere.
When my 'step' father (the man who raised me most of my life and I love with everything I have) had heard of my situation living abroad, he didn't hesitate to pick me up and take me to a better place in an entirely different part of the country. He and my mother didn't see eye to eye on much after I was about 4 years old, but he always stuck around in the same town we lived in to be around me. Eventually he went back to his hometown when she severed communication between he and I. Only through the grapevine did he hear about me and what I was doing. A few days later he had driven across the US day and night to pick me up, give that family money, thanked them and took me away.
The last time I spoke with my mother was when she took me out for some new shoes for my 14th birthday making promises left and right, while again sitting in her car with everything she had in the backseat. It was just another day with this human who couldn't help but do drugs and lie to me. I already knew I wouldn't be here in a few days and when she came back to see me, I was gone.
I lived in this new home and it actually felt like one with my Dad (step dad but he was my DAD). A few years of having a HOME was surreal and I think I took it for granted, because that too came to an end. I was just starting college and that's when parent #2 came into my life.
Meet Bio-dad! He was once only a few blurry pictures from many years past and tales from my shaman mother. Naturally I was always curious about him, and one day we were in contact with one another. Somehow he managed to find me, even though he had been paying child support for most of my life. He flew out to meet me, and a few months later I somehow decided moving across the country to live with him was a swell idea.
I thought this might have been it, finally, the blood I thought I always wanted in my life. But just a few months in I realized he was no better than her. He was successful and worked hard, but that doesn't mean he's a good person let alone a father. I never called him Dad or Father purely because I was a young adult now and didn't need another figure like that in my life, let alone from someone I barely knew. He was on marriage 2 or 3 with step kids and I just felt like I was 13 years old again in another strange house. I was told he spent a long time trying to find me when he was paying child support but was never able to. I believed him at first, and sometime later many divorced fathers told me that probably isn't be true.
It felt like he was constantly angry or upset at something. His wife, the kids, the dogs, the pool, whatever he was annoyed with everyone else was obligated to agree or veer away. He often found ways to make himself out to be the hardest worker and nothing matters but how many hours you clock in your worksheet. He "wished he could work 40 hours a week". After a few months of everyone arguing, yelling and finger pointing over little nothings each day, I decided I didn't need this kind of stress in my life and left to live in my small truck for a few weeks until I found a room to rent on my own and start my adult life.
Over the years he's tried to stay in contact with me but I never really gave much back to him if at all. I have no interest in knowing him, but his insistent attempts to contact me with 'family is important' yada yada makes my blood boil. I have no blood family as far as I care to know. I'm on the latter half of this life and I simply don't see the point in trying to establish these relationships because we have the same grandparents or blood. Why would I EVER try to put myself into that situation again? For family? Something I really don't value or care about?
The last couple of years I went from never thinking about these humans to frequently finding myself shaking from anger and distracted in life from what I want to actually do and accomplish. I feel like I'm stuck on this chapter and I really, really need to move on from it. I thought just ignoring it would work, but alas as time goes on I get random phone calls and texts from people I used to know trying to get in contact with me. I know who they are, and I know who they're speaking for, but I don't ever give them the satisfaction of even responding.
So here I am, wondering what I should do. Do I call both of them (keep in mind I don't think they've spoken since the early 90s) and let each person individually know that I'd rather watch them suffer in life than to spend time with them? I don't even want them to know where I am, what I'm doing or what I sound like. Do I write them an email, pray they know what that even is and hope they understand I don't care for them?
I considered getting hypnotized so I can fully forget them. As ridiculous as that sounds I often wonder if I could completely remove them from my memory, would I be a better person? Would I finally feel this tension in my chest leave? Would I stop screaming internally when I'm alone out of anger towards them?
At this point in my life I just want to be happy with what I have and leave them in an old time capsule never to be opened again. As I get older the more I understand that childhood tremendously dictates who we are, and I'm learning that I don't really like who I am in some aspects, and I blame them for that. Whatever good and success I have in life is because of my 'step' Dad and how he raised me the best he could.
I don't know that I could be calm or mature enough to clearly state how I feel without emotions coming into the mix. Every time I imagine talking to them it quickly turns into a rage that takes a while to let go of.
If you read my rant, thank you. If you didn't, I don't blame you one bit.
tl;dr I need to completely remove my parents from my life so I can move on, and I'm not sure how to go about it.
​

I stared, mouth dry, heart pounding, at the message from my boss – That awful combination of words that my coworkers and I pray we never see:
“You’re in the running for Employee of the Year.”
For him to send something so callous via email – that was just rubbing salt in the wound.
My eyes glazed over the wall of text that followed. I didn’t need to read the details – I’d cleaned enough of the prior winners off the walls and ceiling of the soundproofed breakroom to know exactly what the award entailed.
After that initial, deep pang of fear faded, denial flooded in to take its place.
I wasn’t just hitting my sales quota, I was blowing it out of the damn water – selling big ticket items daily. I never forgot to place the stickers with my barcode on the products, either, so when my customers checked out and it was scanned at the register, the sales should’ve automatically been linked to my employee ID.
We don’t receive commission – there are other ‘incentives’ to keep our sales up. I hadn’t been watching the numbers because I knew I was making sales left and right – I would've never even dreamt that I was at risk.
It was just a glitch with our computer system, I decided with a nervous laugh. It had to be – something IT could probably sort out in no time.
When I finally regained control of my legs, I wobbled to my manager’s office.
There was no miscalculation, he assured me. It was my employee ID that ranked at the bottom.
“The barcodes never lie, Graham.” He didn’t even bother making eye contact.
I was circling the drain figuratively, and if I didn’t get my shit together – literally – soon enough.
I begged him to review the camera footage – I knew he'd be able to see me making all those sales. “Don’t worry,” he added, with a smile vacant of anything remotely resembling happiness, “One way or another, we all contribute to the success of our company.”
I suppose that by then, he was long desensitized to the pleas of the desperate.
As I left his office, I assured myself that this wasn’t a death sentence.
Not yet.
I had another month until they recalculated our final standings, before shit would get real. Before I’d be given a limp handshake and an empty ‘Thank you for your devotion to the company’ as I was led down the hallway. Before I’d meet what lives behind the usually padlocked door in the shadowy corner of the breakroom.
Before I’d learn what it truly meant to sacrifice myself for the good of the company.
Word spread fast around the office.
Kevin gave me his smug, shit eating grin – maybe he thought that with me out of the picture, he’d finally have a shot with Elise.
Elise… I just desperately hoped that hers wouldn’t be the name drawn afterwards – the one selected to hose what’s left of me off the breakroom floor and down the stained, rusty drain.
As required, I began parking in my new designated space at the far end of the employee lot – the faded sign indicating ‘Reserved for Employee of the Year’ nearly swallowed up by the encroaching tree line. It added an extra ten minutes to my walk to our store, and I dreaded that added time in the oppressive Texas heat. The rational part of me knew that was soon to be a moot point, though.
One way or another, in another month, I wouldn’t have that parking spot. If I were lucky, I’d live to see another summer – live to see some other poor bastard’s car parked there.
If they hadn’t already heard the news, when the rest of my coworkers saw my car in that space, they knew what it meant. Don’t get too attached.
They started avoiding me like the plague. I didn’t blame them.
We all knew what would be coming next if my sales didn’t improve – it's the same thing that happens every time:
We’d gather for the mandatory meeting on the closing night of the fiscal year, all eyes on the sorry son of a bitch that had ‘won’ – the room so quiet that you could hear their muffled sobs. They’d receive what barely constituted a handshake from my manager while he muttered – dead-eyed – his appreciation for their devotion to the company.
Next, they’d be ushered off to the breakroom to meet ‘corporate’. No one tried to run – not after what happened in '19. Instead, the winner would always turn back, shooting us a desperate, final look – eyes pleading for someone, anyone, to intervene. And, of course, no one ever did.
Once the door closed behind them and that sound-proofed room swallowed up the last of their sobbing, begging – it was over. The rest of us would be sent home and I'd try to shower away that disgusting feeling – that sick sense of relief that someone else was sent to their death, and not me.
Cal – the nicest guy I’d ever met – he was the bottom performer two years ago.
He’d fallen so ill that he’d nearly wasted away and eventually, couldn’t work anymore. He must've thought that freed him from his contract – if he left, if he never came back into work, he’d be okay.
He must not have read the fine print in our hiring paperwork.
Although, to be fair, if any of us had read it, we'd never have signed it in the first place.
Cal was a warning to the rest of us, that there is no quitting in our line of work. If they have to track you down and find you (and I promise you that they will find you) – well, wouldn’t you prefer to go with your dignity, with the company compensating your loved ones – rather than be pulled from your home, kicking and screaming into the night?
Gina was employee of the year in 2023. Gina, with the kind smile, whom Kevin had set his sights on before Elise – and, just like Elise, she wanted nothing to do with him.
I still remember that day, the day they released the final numbers. The way Gina’s mouth hung open in confusion, shock.
When she finally managed to form words again, she too insisted that there must be some mistake. We all vouched for her to management – I’d personally seen her make so many sales.
Our manager simply reminded us that the barcodes never lie.
My name was the one drawn for breakroom duty that next morning, to pick up what remained of her smile and her simple gold wedding band, to be returned to her family. In one business week, they received a box containing a check, and everything left of her that wouldn’t fit down the drain.
Once the numbers are finalized, once your employee barcode has been slapped on that innocuous looking pink slip, well, your fate is sealed.
Kevin, in all his years at the company, has never parked on the far side of the lot. He has never even come close to becoming Employee of the Year, even though he couldn’t sell a bottle of water to a man dying of dehydration. He is sleaze incarnate and doesn’t even have the charisma to mask it.
I never understood how he did so well, but I couldn’t afford to think about him.
I had myself to worry about, and the glitch in the system. Any time I found myself in the breakroom, that ancient wooden door was an unwelcome reminder of the impending one-way trip it held for me.
I took special care to keep an eye on my sales, working my ass off, pulling double shifts. I pulled up the numbers as the end of month drew near, and couldn't believe it.
I was still dead last.
Somehow, there were days where less than half of my sales had been recorded to my employee number.
I didn’t understand.
I waited for the opportunity to sneak into the manager's office, and pull the footage myself.
I’d show the boss that something had gone wrong with the calculations, that the system was broken.
I finally got my chance. At first, I triumphantly watched myself make sale after sale – far more than had been credited to my account. For the first time in a month, I felt a sense of relief. I had evidence, and that had to count for something.
I switched feeds, to the camera nearer to the registers so I could confirm that the codes were being scanned. I'd seen several scanned successfully, and reached to turn off the recording. That's when I saw it.
Saw him.
Kevin.
It was subtle. I didn't realize what he was doing at first, until I recognized the pattern. Even then, I had to rewind and watch again for it to click.
It happened for nearly half of my sales that day. I saw him Intercepting the customers before they could check out – before I could get credit for my sales. And while he chatted them up, he discretely slapped his employee barcode over my own.
I confronted him that night – I was furious. He just smiled, smugly gave me that line about how the barcodes never lie.
He didn’t give a shit that he was sentencing someone else to death.
Hell, maybe he even enjoyed it.
Kevin had stolen credit for Gina’s sales – and god knows who else's.
Fucking. Kevin.
The day our numbers were to be finalized, he had the audacity to place his barcode over mine on a huge sale I’d made – he made no attempt at hiding it – right in front of me. He flashed me a grin as he did.
I caught up with the customers before they checked out and they kindly allowed me to peel the sticker off. I stuck it in my pocket to show my manager.
I pulled the video, too, and I stormed into his office, refused to leave until he watched it. I studied him as his eyes moved across the screen and if he was upset or shocked, he certainly didn't show it.
Finally, he met my eyes, and at the sight of the pain in his – well, for the first time, I felt a sense of relief.
Until I realized why he looked so miserable. Until he whispered, “I'm sorry, Graham. Someone has to receive that award tomorrow. It's out of my hands.”
I wordlessly handed him that damn barcode sticker of Kevin’s that I’d peeled off. He studied it for a long moment before he handed it back to me with a mere, “Why don't you hold onto this.”
I told Elise what had happened over lunch, and as much as I appreciated her outrage on my behalf, I was already resigned to it. I'd mainly wanted to warn her because I had a sick feeling she'd be the one Kevin went after next.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't devastated when, that night, my boss called me into his office and informed me of the final standings. Yeah, I knew it was coming, but I guess it's just human nature to hold onto denial – hope – until the bitter end.
For what felt like an eternity, we stared at each other in silence. The presence of the pink slip of paper lying on the desk between us, said more than enough.
Finally, my eyes drifted down to the form.
He’d already signed, but the space where my barcode – the series of vertical lines spelling out my death sentence – should’ve been placed, was empty.
I never knew how this part went, since it always took place behind closed doors. No one that ever filled out that form lived to tell the rest of us about it.
“I need you to place a barcode here before I send the form to corporate.” he said, eventually.
I opened my mouth for one final, impassioned plea for my life, but he interrupted me. He spoke each word slowly, softly.
“I’m leaving the room now. I need you to place a barcode here, before I send the form to corporate.”
He stared at me for a long moment, waiting for my barely perceptible nod of acknowledgement before leaving me alone in the office.
They processed the paperwork, and announced the Employee of the Year that next day.
Yes, I did feel a pang of guilt as I watched the smug grin fade, the blood drain from Kevin’s face as he stared in shock at the outstretched hand of our manager – as he was thanked for his devotion to our company.
I felt it again as I watched him plead all the way to the breakroom, as our manager spoke to him the same mantra we’d all heard before.
The barcodes never lie.
But I thought of Gina, of the countless others, and by the time I heard the door slam behind him – the guilt was already gone. In its place, the relief of knowing the rest of us were safe.
Well, at least until next year.

So a year or so ago, my roommate (I'll call her Ella) and I decided to try out the seed 001101100011011000110110 (binary code for 666). Gameplay was pretty normal until Ella and I started a prank war and I left to build my base far far away. I found a really good spot next to a ravine, a ruined portal, and a shipwreck, and later when I was digging around I found buried treasure. So I set up a nice little castle thingy. But then the next day when I went mining I found a huge diamond ore deposit at -66, I swear there were like 20 diamonds there!! But then I checked the coords of my base later so I wouldn't forget it. And I'd placed my bed at 666, 66, 666. I immediately moved it ofc but it was too late, I'd already slept there.
But the next day when I was playing Minecraft I swore I saw Herobrine and Entity303 in the caves but they didn't do anything, they just ran away. Ella said she saw a giant behind the mountain (i now know that she'd placed HER bed at -666, 66, -666 but she did that on purpose cause she likes creepy stuff). And I thought I saw Ella too but she sent me a screenshot of her coords and she was waaaay across the world (she has an alex skin but with eyes pointing opposite directions, idk why I felt the need to mention that lol).
Then on the second day, we were just hanging out at spawn and grinding at our mob farm when Ella went off to get diamonds from her base cause her sword was gonna break. Well like 5 minutes later she left the call but I heard her screaming cause she was in the room next door. She wouldn't tell me what she saw she just pointed at the screen and kept saying "Mother". But there wasn't anything there, just a normal Minecraft plains biome. It was like midnight so I just assumed she'd fallen asleep on her desk again and had a nightmare or something.
But the next day, it became all too apparent that I was in danger. Ella vanished without a trace, and I'm a really light sleeper, I always wake up when she opens her door or her window. When I went into her room I saw that Minecraft was up and running and that she was at the mob grinder. I just shut down her PC and assumed she was out shopping or something. But she never leaves her PC on, not after I changed her password when she wasn't looking LOL
Yeah I honestly thought she'd be back in an hour. Then a day. Then a week. The police have still never found a trace of her. And the strangest thing is, she wasn't on the front door camera or on the high school security camera (it's facing her window).
This may sound stupid, but hear me out. I've wondered before why there are so many creepypastas. Far too many to be simple glitches in the code, and far too smart. I've thought before that creepypastas might actually be human souls who were trapped in the game, but I asked myself, "how in the world does a soul get trapped in a videogame?" But this experience gave me the final piece of the puzzle.
There are a few seeds that are inhabited by an entity called the Mother. She is the creator of the vast majority of creepypastas, and therefore, they must listen to her, lest she destroy them. The Mother has made a deal with Mojang that as long as the entities that serve her well are safe from deletion, she will hibernate (unless awakened). The Mother is awakened when three or more of her 'children' are summoned in one Minecraft day. I summoned one entity by using a cursed seed, one entity by sleeping at cursed coordinates, and Ella summoned one entity by sleeping at cursed coordinates, all in the same Minecraft day. However, while the Mother inhabits all seeds, she can only be awakened on certain ones.
What does the Mother do, you may ask? Well, when awakened, she summons all of her children, but orders them not to attack. She does this so that the victim will learn not to fear them. Once this has been accomplished, she reveals herself to the victim once they are alone. Then, when everyone else is either gone or asleep in real life, she takes the victim's soul and essentially factory resets it, turning them over to an older entity (like Herobrine or player 13) and they are trained to be a mindless killer. After that, the Mother goes dormant once more, and the new entity is released.
I believe the Mother can only be summoned on seeds that are in binary code. Here are 6 seeds where, based on my theories, the Mother may be able to be awakened: 011011010110111101101101 ("mom"), 011001000110100101100101 ("die"), 01110011011011110111010101101100 ("soul"), 01110111011000010110101101100101 ("wake"), 01110100011101010111001001101110 ("turn"), 01101101011010010110111001100101 ("mine")
If you intend on trying to awaken the Mother, I recommend playing with at least 4 other people, if possible. And don't let anyone be alone, even for a second, or she will take them like she took Ella. But if the Mother does reveal herself to them, don't let them play Minecraft for 5 years. By that time, the Mother should have forgotten them, and they may have forgotten her. If your friend remembers the Mother after that, they cannot play Minecraft ever again, because if they accidentally summon a single entity, the Mother will recognize them and she will take them.

Me and my gf moved in together after being together for a year. We lived for a year together it was great.... then out of the blue she let her anxiety of her thinking I cheated get to her she communicated with her mom and she just up and left me a month and a half ago I was completely caught of guard. It destroyed me. I begged for her back as I never cheated and I never would. She realized it wasn't that as I didn't cheat and that the problem was that she felt scared to communicate with me and realized she lost herself the last 9 months living with me. She then made me feel taken for granted as we had so much loving times that she summarized the entire relationship as a nightmare when in reality it was actually healthy to me. But to her she never communicated this as clearly and I guess the feelings were one sided. I learned to listen and make her feel cared for truly during this month and listen to her when she asks for space as she always stated I was never truly there for emotionally. But I thought I was. It was me coping with the fact that I gave her everything I could made her a priority to me. I spoiled her with treats and gifts and just out right made her my everything. We both worked at home and I day trade for a living so most my free time was with her.
As you can see the post says we bf gf. She says she love me and that she wants me but she also pushes me away asking for space and peace. Any convo that is about hashing out our differences she just tells me she can't be doing this anymore.
So essentially I either have to stay with her and accept the facts of things now or move on. I love her so much I miss her so much, I began to focus on my craft again and feel better on my day to days. Issue is whenever I receive a message from her my heart drops even if it's positive I feel so much anxiety sadness etc it crushes my days. There is times I wake up ready to kick the days ass but then poof she makes me feel awful as she is a reminder of my heartbreak. It's weird it's like she still there but not really. So I hurt so much. She accepted the reality faster than me and is literally just living her life like she full again. She tells me not to be going out with friends but to heal but she constantly goes out to the mall or shopping with her bestfriend. Daytime shit. She tells me to have trust in eachother as she has faith we will make it out. But then she tells me she has flashbacks and nightmares of the time with me.
As I lose myself now she is finding herself. I feel twisted alone.
Makes me feel so conflicted as I don't feel a negative thing about our past other than the way she up and left me. I lost a lot of trust in her. She blocked me on insta gives me so many red flags like seeing her snap score popping off now but feeds me so much words to keep me around. I don't understand why she would feed me so much to keep me around when I lose her her peace by my "drama". Telling me to be loyal and work inwardly not outwardly with distractions. She seems to take this as if she solid and I'm just to deal with it all when my life feels empty af now safely. That's the cost of making someone your everything. And now I miss and want her back so bad but she says to focus on the day to day and stop trying to get what we once had but instead focus on building that. My life feels empty like this as I feel directionless here. What is truly what she doing here?
TLDR: gf broke up moved out got back with me and now I'm unsure of the integrity of the relationship. Is she just not treating it serious anymore?

**Sorry for the lengthy post in advance*\*
My car was sideswiped on the right side on May 7th. I was driving straight when the other Driver tried to merge into traffic after being stopped beside a yellow curb. Somehow the other Driver didn't see me as she went to pull forward and she hit my car hard enough to take her front bumper almost clean off (was still hanging just barely on the right side) and my right side passenger door will no longer open, giant gash all the way down the right side of my vehicle. I called the police, took photos of the scene (had to move my car because it was hindering traffic directly, cars were lining up), and gave a statement to the officer. He checked both drivers for "suspected at fault" on the police report, but in his narrative, he clearly stated that the other driver "Unit 2" was determined to be at fault. This is where things started getting difficult..
Accident happened on Tuesday 5/7. I called the police immediately, my insurance, took photos, provided them to both insurance parties- everything I was supposed to do on day one. Meanwhile, two days go by before the at-fault driver makes contact with their insurance at all. I had called Wednesday and Thursday to find out if their insurance had heard anything from the driver- nothing. Finally, Friday 5/10, after I'd been called them early that morning and left a voicemail, their insurance calls me back around 5:00PM (you know, when everything's basically closing for the weekend.) I'm told by an agent assisting with my claim (not the agent who was handling it "directly") that there was nothing they could do because "The police report shows you to be at fault" (he was reading an ACCIDENT INFORMATION FORM and NOT a **POLICE REPORT**) and that he'd spoken to their insured driver "yesterday" about it. Well, awesome, they let a whole two days go by without telling me they'd heard from their insured while I'm having to cancel plans to pick up my Mother for Mother's day that weekend (she's 75 and I frequently drive 8 hour long trips to pick her up for family events. My passenger door again won't open and she can't ride in the backseats.) I managed to get in contact with the police department customer service line just before they closed for the weekend and they informed me that the **police report** hadn't even been completed yet, that it wouldn't be released until the following Monday lol. So, the genius who told me that they had a **police report** screwed up because they in fact **didn't have one yet**, and didn't know wtf documentation he was even looking at, which seems extremely unprofessional at best and in bad faith at worst. Either way, not good to tell me they have official documentation when they don't.
So, Monday morning rolls along, 5/13. I call in and get the **actual** police report from police customer service. It shows myself and the other driver "Unit 2" to be at fault, both of our names checked for "suspect at fault" but in the narrative it clearly states "Unit 2 determined to be at fault but not cited." I send this to their insurance. They call me the next day, Tuesday, and come at me with a double standard about the report. They claim that because the officer was not there, that they cannot go off of his narrative as proof... but they can take his word on the two checked boxes where I'm "suspect at fault" along with their insured lol? Okay.. well, the officer **also** wasn't there to attest to either of us being qualified as "suspect at fault" because he didn't see anything. This is ridiculous, and I understand it's how things go with insurance, but lol. It's a clear double standard: take one part of the evidence to your benefit and leave the other part out. They told me since there was no video footage, I was out of luck. When I asked the adjuster to provide me with any proof they'd been given and a written statement about what story they'd been given by their insured, the adjuster got really rude with me and hung up on me and wouldn't return my call back. So, I called my insurance agent (I had reported the accident to her initially but told her I would be going through the at-fault's insurance, she said that's fine and my premiums will remain the same) and I informed her of all this just to be honest and keep her updated. By this time, I was also waiting on the police to get in touch with me about getting my police report amended to remove the check box showing I was "suspect at fault".
From Tuesday 5/14 to Thursday 5/16, I spend days calling the police, trying to get in touch with the officer who responded to the scene, keep getting told I'll hear back from him or a sergeant, nope. I go to 4 different police precincts and 2 different courthouse buildings TRYING to figure out who the hell I can get to just amend the report for me, each location pointing me somewhere else... I eventually speak to a sergeant who informs me he'll get the police report amending process "expedited" (still haven't heard back from him lol) and he tells me I might need to request approval for the footage from the county sheriff........... SO, after realizing I was basically on my own, realizing that my only recourse was that surveillance footage, I just went straight to the location where the accident happened outside of by myself (it actually was outside one of the courthouses I went to for information...) and they fucking handed me over a disc with the surveillance footage the following morning, Friday 5/17. No police escort needed, no court order, no county sheriff..! The woman working the front desk happened to also be outside when the accident happened on May 7th, and she remembered me and knew exactly what I was there for! I sent this video footage to my insurance agent and she said she would send the video file to the other insurance party herself and try to get the ball rolling for me about getting all of this settled.
Thank you for anyone that has read this far. This is my first time dealing with this kind of thing and it's been more leg work than I expected. I don't mean to come off as blunt to anyone reading, just trying to handle this as assertively as I need to not get myself ripped off by anyone, as I thought this would be a very straight forward proceeding and thought that the other driver was very clealy liable. At this point, what should I do to proceed? Does the other insurance company sound like they dropped the ball a few times or am I being too brash in thinking this? They basically lied or didn't know what they were telling me about when they stated prematurely that they had a police report, and let me go on indefinitely with bad information that I had to figure out on my own wasn't true. They had an entire department from another state handling my claim in the beginning that apparently wasn't "legally allowed" to handle my claim because of whatever red-tape explanation they gave me, I cannot recall.. but more time wasted. I know insurance agents get swamped, I understand you all work very hard, but I felt pretty disregarded by at-fault's insurance when I was trying to seek answers about their reasoning. It is now Tuesday 5/21 and I have yet to hear from their insurance, their website still says I am liable for the accident, and there's absolutely no way lol. They have the video, they've had to have watched it by now, it absolves me of any liability plain as day. I feel like they are still collating this information and sitting on their hands. At what point should I press for escalation of this issue? Should I hire a pro bono lawyer? Or should I just relax? I feel like the adjuster hanging up on me and trying to move forward with no explanation provided and just writing me as liable isn't right. I'm also out of work now for the past two weeks (I do rideshare and also help take care of my father in-home hospice care with my sister.)
Any advice is appreciated. I'm not trying to gouge anyone or upset anything, I just want to get compensated correctly and get this over this. I am very confident in that I am not liable, I have photos and video to back this up. I am just wondering how should I be handling the at-fault's insurance from here on?