Going out in Public
Ever since I have been little I had always dreamed of dressing like a woman, first it started with trying on my Mom’s clothes, I finally got the courage to tell her about my desires, she did not even bat an eye and welcomed the idea, we shopped together online she even tried her best to figure out my bra size and ordered me all the feminine clothes I could ask for. Now I have quite the collection but had never gone out fully dressed in public before, a couple of months ago my mom and I went away on a trip together just the two of us and I secretly packed some of my girl clothes with me, I slept in a nightgown for the first couple of days and then the next morning I decided to go all out, I put on my leggings and panties with a jacket and my mom complimented on how nice I looked, I definitely just looked like a boy in leggings. However that day she suggested we go shopping and pick out a dress for me to wear the next day and went all out, a wig shoes the whole nine yards. She had been supportive throughout my whole process and this was a huge step for me. That trip was a major stepping stone. Today was my first day out fully dressed by myself, what other place would I choose to go than Victoria’s Secret. I walked into the store shaking I was so nervous, an extremely nice sales lady asked me if I needed any help and I took a deep breath and explained my situation and told her I wanted to get a bra, panties pajamas and anything else that she thought would be a good fit for me. She was super sweet and really made me feel comfortable and relaxed, she took me to the dressing room and gave me my first bra fitting and walked around the store helping me shop and providing suggestions. I have told no one other than my mom about my desires and could not have had a better experience than the one I had today. So if you are on the fence or nervous about doing what you have always wanted to do, let this be some encouragement to all of you out there! Put on that dress and be confident in yourself, you will feel better than you ever have before!! Good luck to everyone and I hope to hear from many of you about your experiences!

Since I was born, I have lived in a small town in the eastern bay area of California. It was a small but beautiful city. We were located within contra costa county which was home to many rolling hills and oak trees, I lived with my older brother who was 14 at the time and my parents. We resided in a large home with two stories on the top of a hill where we like often be greeted with the pleasant ocean breeze from the nearby San Francisco Bay. Sometimes, we were greeted with something else, something far less pleasant than ocean breeze. This is the story of the thing
When I was 12 years old, I’d always love to lay my eyes on the beautiful view from our home. I’d sometimes sit for hours just embracing everything I could see. Today was a beautiful day, the clouds were mild and soft, and the sky was bright and full of the signature breeze. As I woke up, I walked down to the kitchen to grab some breakfast where I was greeted by a wonderful sweet smell. “ Hi Matthew, “ my mother said sweetly as she’d always been,
“ come grab a waffle, they are delicious today. “
I was immediately excited as waffles were my favorite thing ever, so I dashed over to the large island to eat my breakfast.
“ Thanks mom! “ I said excitedly, immediately chowing down on my food.
“ Your brother is in the backyard mowing the lawn, sorry about the noise. “ I nodded my head and examined the room, suddenly my eyes were met with the calendar hanging on the wall. It was a pleasant day in May, however that’s not what caught my attention. What I saw was the date of the special day me and my friend would have. Every once in a while, we would ride our bikes to long distance to the Briones Regional Park, which was a beautiful expanse of rolling hills and trails. There we would hike all day long and play in the beautiful hills getting up to god knows what, and today was one of those days.
“ Mom, remember today? “
She looked confused for a moment until the calendar also caught her eyes.
“ Oh, I’ll have to call Lucas’s mother, “ she said, “ What time are you leaving? “
“ 1 o’clock. “
She grabbed her Nokia phone, which was the biggest new thing at the time, and dialed my best friends mothers phone number.
“ Hello, this is Alyssa, Matthew’s mom. “
As she talked on the phone, I saw my brother come in and head into his bedroom where he sneakily picked up my mother’s fashion magazine. I rolled my eyes as I knew what he was doing but ignored it, I went up to my room to text my buddy Lucas on my Nokia.
“ Hey bro, “ I texted awaiting a response. About 5 minutes later I got a response.
“ Hey, my mom says I’ll come to your house at 1 o’clock so we can ride to Briones. “ I told him that he was right and I’d see him at 1 o’clock.
When he arrived, he was all ready with his backpack and everything. “ Hey! “ I called out excitedly. Lucas was a 12 year old fair skinned boy on the cusp of puberty with medium length brown hair and green eyes. We got up to our usual shenanigans until we finally got ready to get on our bikes. Until we saw the thing upon leaving the house.
Every once in a while, flickering lights could be seen from the hills of Briones which were an odd blue color. They were clearly visible and had an off putting presence.
“ What’s that? “ Lucas asked me.
“ Oh, we just see those lights every now and then, we don’t really know what it is. “
This didn’t concern us at the time and after about an hour of riding we finally arrived at one of the trails. We got off of our bikes and started our hike.
“ It’s a nice day bro, “ I mentioned, “ not too hot or cold. “
“ Yeah, good thing we went today. “ Lucas added on.
We started our usual hike to one of our favorite spots in the park which had a big oak tree where we would eat all the usual snacks. However as we were hiking, a familiar voice shouted. “ Hey! “
It was my brother, what was he doing here? He got out of his Honda and ran to me.
“ You forgot your backpack, here. “ He handed it to me and drove off before I could say anything.
“ That was weird.. “ Lucas added.
“ At least we have my backpack now “
The hike was beautiful, we crossed a lot of unmarked trails as where we usually went was deep in the park.
After around 45 minutes of hiking and doing our usual banter, we made it to the oak tree and laid out a picnic blanket.
“ Okay, I brought some snacks and water. “ Lucas commented. As we took out all of our food from our backpacks, I noticed one more thing, my mother’s magazine.
“ What’s that? “ Lucas asked.
“ How did this get here? “ I asked myself puzzled.
“ What is it though? “ Lucas asked me.
“ It’s one of my mom’s women’s fashion magazines, I saw Dallas grab it and head into his room, he must have accidentally left it here. “
Lucas quickly grabbed the magazine and said “ damn “ under his breath. Now that I look back at it it was a pretty normal magazine, but we were 12 going on 13 on the cusp of puberty, how could we resist?
“ Should we take a look? “ Lucas suggested.
“ I-I don’t know bro, should we? “
“ Of course we should! “ Lucas exclaimed.
“ Aight then.. “
I hadn’t got my hands on any magazine as it was the late 1990s and they were hard to find. So obviously I was invested as we flipped through the page. Until I felt a presence, almost threatening.
“ I’ve got a stiffy now, bro. Your brother shouldn’t have put this in by accide- “
“ Do you feel that? “ I interrupted
“ Feel what? “ Lucas asked confused.
“ I don’t know, it just feels off. “
“ You’re just excited bro. “
“ No- well yes, but I feel something off. “
Before he could get a word out, I saw it. I saw the lights. They resembled a moth flying around a lamp. I felt like I was being punished almost, I had no idea why.
“ What the hell? “ Lucas said extremely shakily.
“ I think those were the lights! Let’s go come on! “
“ We are in the middle of this mag! Seriously Matthew? “
“ I don’t care about the hot chicks no more, come on! “
“ Fine! “
We got up and ran to the sight where the lights were seen. After about 10 minutes we saw a sign.
“ What the fuck? “
It was a tall sign that had the words “ Purificationem Statione praesmisit “ written on it. We had no idea what it meant.
“ What the hell does that mean? “ I said.
Before Lucas could say anything, I pointed out a weird industrial looking box building surrounded by electric fence.
“ What is that.. “
I started to feel uneasy again, I felt a terrible sense of dread. Right when we got to the small gate, I heard a whisper right by my ear.
“ You’ve brought something impure to the site, Matthew. “
I shut down in the moment and I felt the Magazine flying at me extremely fast. I blacked out, fading into unconsciousness.
TO BE CONTINUED

My mom has been manipulative for as long as I remmeber. She would act as the best mother in the world, then discard me and my siblings and our needs.For reference, my mom had a really rough upbringing, think cinderalla kind of situation. Never met her dad, her mom tragically passed away and she stayed with her abusive grandmother until she escaped with my dad. Eventually My older brother, me, and my little sister came along and we lived in the U.S together for a while.
My parents eventually ended up separating due to my mom's shopping addiction, and her infidelity. My mom took my sister and I back to Mexico when they separated since my sister and I were still young, but eventually I told my mom I wanted to study in the U.S, because I had better opportunities, so I moved back with my brother and dad, sadly leaving my little sister behind.
My mom has treated my sister poorly since the separation of my parents. My mom would leave my sister locked in a dark closet as punishment, and she's developed a fear to the dark from this. My mom has given away her pets, purposefully let them out and never returned, used to starve us to lose some pounds. Abandon us at shopping centers if we were too tired from shopping with her etc. She was never too harsh with me or my brother, only to my sister. My brother was the first one to cut ties with my mom and have been no contact for almost a decade, yet my mom still asks for her baby boy every chance she gets.
The abuse worsened when I sent my little sister 10k in pesos as a 17th birthday gift. By Mexican law she couldn't have a proper job until she was 18, so I sent her what I could. My mom somehow got the notification on her phone that my little sister received 10k from me, and she went ballistic. Mom demanded 6k from the money I sent my sister, then use the rest for a vacation. My little sister said she'd only give her 5k, and that she wanted to save her half for emergencies. My mom did not talk to my sister for a month until she caved in and gave her 3k extra (my mom has her own job that pays for medical and groceries btw).
Now in present time, my little sister got into a motorcycle accident on her way to work, dislocated her shoulder on the fall. She's been in recovery for a month, or at least trying to. The very next day my sister got into the accident, my mom demanded that they went to ride bikes at the state park. After my sister obviously declined, my mom kicked my little sister out from the house. She stayed at a nearby park crying to me on a call while trying to figure out who she can crash with. My mom then threatened to call the cops if she didn't come back home. Mom demanded my sister buy her dinner for the 'scare' my sister gave her.
Today, my mom threatened to cancel the internet because apparently my sister doesn't need it. My little sister used to pay the internet until my mom took most of her money and lost her job. My sister is admitting defeat and saying she doesn't want to have a bad relationship with both parents (sister doesn't speak to my dad). This doesn't affect my communication with her, as we pay for the phone bill, but this makes her loose access to most of her hobbies that keep her sane.
I really don't know what to do, I already offered to fly her back to the U.S, but she doesn't want to leave my mom. If I send her more money to pay the internet, my mom is just going to take it away from her again. I just want my little sister to recover peacefully from her injury, but my mother is making it extremely hard. My sister doesn't want me to confront mom either, nor do we have any family she can go to. I just feel like I've let her down. I should've brought her with me to the U.S when I still had the chance.

Title pretty much explains it. Mom died from cancer when I was 18, a month and a half before I graduated highschool.
I just graduated with my Bachelors in Computing and informatics in December, and I am starting my first big boy job soon.
When I went to college at 21 I was still deeply reeling over her loss now that I’ve graduated and found work it feels like the end of a circle.
Ask me anything.

Wassup yall. I’m 17M and Always been straight, never even thought of the possibility till freshman year. Met a guy who was 5 years older than me and ngl I looked up to bro, enjoyed the friendship we had. But it all went south when my parents found out that I was friends with this older kid and how it was weird. I realized the weirdness, and confronted him about it - later that night he told me he was gay. I freaked out of course, because that changed everything that our friendship was about, at least from my point of view (thru therapy, it turns out I was groomed. lol). I then asked myself the question: does it make me gay to have been his good friend? My first answer was no, but of course I started spiraling. Freaked out for about 3 months being scared as hell of being gay, meeting new people especially men was hard for me because I was terrified of potentially liking them. I got anxious around one or two boys specifically after the incident and that freaked me out because I didn’t know why. It all went away after I started talking to this girl that I had history with, but ofc she got a boyfriend. I got anxious when I saw her with him, and when I asked her she confirmed it and then I was like damn and accepted that she was cuffed. That took it away when I got scared when I saw her.
Really the next year and a half were good. I didn’t think about the gay stuff at all. Talked to a few girls, eventually really liking one and getting with her (relationship, lasted around 8 months). But about midway into the relationship, I started getting super anxious following a pregnancy scare. I felt like I needed to break up for no reason, and we almost did but continued in the relationship. It never really went away, and after 3 ish months and trying to work it out, we ended up breaking up. Looking back, there was no real reason to break up other than me being anxious af about the relationship, questioning it, worrying about her being with other people, and honestly sabotaging it for myself. This is where my ocd in general started, as rocd. But of course, the very next day as I’m in the shower crying about her, an intrusive thought pops into my mind: I’m gay. This freaks me out, but honestly I’m the beginning I had a good attitude about the weirdness and randomness about the thought. I still obsessed over it but I thought welp if I am I am I guess but if I’m not I’m not. But I started to really obsess over it and it got really bad. Part of me knew I was straight, but at the same time why couldn’t I get over this hump? It went on for about 6 months of me just freaking out all the time. In therapy I really dug deep and figured out how the situation from freshman year could have impacted and probably did impact the thoughts I was having.
Then, about a month ago, I decided I was going to stop fighting and stressing about the intrusive thoughts in my head. There is this kid who Ive been anxious around, along with one or two other boys since my hocd came back after the breakup and it was bothering me a lot, along with the question of am I gay how am I gay etc. I decided Yk what I’m not gonna be so afraid of this and just going to accept. After that, a lot changed. My feelings became more calm and I lowkey started to accept the fact that maybe I was. The change in feelings over that realization also scared me. I’m feeling much more “calm” about the fact that I may be gay. Wtf?? As of right now, I feel like I probably am gay. Even though I still watch exclusively straight porn and tbh I don’t have much desire to explore gay porn. I feel like bi is more accurate because I definitely am attracted to women as I always have been, but something about saying I’m gay makes me more calm even though I know I am attracted to women. Which could be anxiety, but who knows. It’s also weird because I’m very masculine, and have always been - I play football, very involved in sports, and when I feel good and am not thinking it feels impossible that it’s a truth of mine that I’m bi or gay or whatever I am. I’ve always known I’ve liked girls. I am thankful to have super accepting parents, and have talked to them extensively about my struggles. My mom especially has been shocked because she never saw anything that would hint to me being gay, and honestly me neither. However, both my dad and mom have been very helpful because Ngl I need to speak about it somewhere that isn’t therapy.
It’s also important I think to mention that during this time recently I started talking to the same girl from freshman year. We had been friends since 7th, and my feelings for her had always and honestly still kinda are confusing. I liked her at some points, she liked me at some points, but as of right now we seem to be getting on great. We have always been friends and while it’s been on and off we are close.
Anyways, the initial goal was to be her friend again. And I got that. We are right now. We went to prom and we were touchy all night and had an amazing time. But I’m feeling super conflicted. Because I feel like I like her: I love talking to her, she’s hilarious, gorgeous, I feel urges to hug and hold her and be her protector almost. We even hooked up once and it was a good experience (however afterwards I just felt completely numb - which was weird. But I had a great time). We talk every day, and we both have said we aren’t ready for a relationship. I’m very confused and honestly I have put a lot of pressure on myself because I am scared that I am leading her on due to the doubts I am having about my sexuality, but at the same time I do love talking to her. She’s just amazing. But I don’t think I want a relationship. I couldn’t do that right now based on my current doubts and uncertainties. We have a connection though. I don’t know what to do.
So anyways, I’m just lost man. I don’t know how I feel really, and am still shocked at my realizations that I really could be gay/bi after all this time of knowing i only liked girls. I feel like I am, but also doubt if I really want dick at all, especially not in the butt it kinda weirds me out. Also, in my past relationship I was very sexually attracted to her. With my recent hookups with girls, sometimes I don’t get hard immediately but with some the girl and I haven’t really done much sexually besides get head. I guess the only real way to know is to experiment eventually, but I’m terrified because I don’t want to lose who I am to others because of this. It’s like, what if I don’t like it then damn I didn’t need to do that - or worse, and it confirms that yes I do like it. I’ve never been gay before this that I know of. Best is probably to wait for college to see.
I don’t know what to do, honestly. With this girl (do I break it off, do I keep talking but tell her I can’t if she wants more even tho we been clear, or do I just back off a bit because I do really care about her?), with my overthinking and sexuality (I feel like I’m gay at this point, but I also don’t really align with it - it’s been hocd freshman and now this year up until about a month ago), and my life??

18 months ago, my husband and I made plans to take an international trip for a friend's wedding. Children were not invited. We made plans with my parents for them to watch our twin boys (turning 3 this month).
Then 6 months ago, my dad died suddenly.
We considered not going on the trip since this obviously meant there would be an increased burden on my mom. She insisted we stick with it. I know she sincerely supported us taking our first childless vacation as parents. We made some planning changes and enrolled the help of other adults so that my mom would never have a full day alone with the kids. She would be responsible for mornings and bedtimes while our nanny and friends would take the bulk of the daytime hours.
The first couple days, everything was going pretty smoothly. No tears from the kids. My mom seemed tired but otherwise normal. Then on Saturday morning (we were scheduled to return Sunday), she called in total hysterics. She was crying saying she thought she could do this, but she can't do it alone. Then she started screaming "why did he (my dad) leave me?" and oscillated between yelling and crying for the next 10 minutes. Of course the kids were now crying too.
After we got everyone settled, I hung up with her and immediately booked the next flight home.
I feel like I might be the asshole for deciding it was acceptable to leave my mom with the huge task of watching two young children. I should've realized she was not in a stable state. This was the first emotional breakdown she has had since my dad died. And while neither she nor I anticipated it, I think it was naive not to consider that being alone when she thought she'd have him there might be a trigger.
But I also have some anger towards her for falling apart while being the sole adult responsible for her grandchildren when I was 3000 miles away.
Losing a day of vacation is completely trivial compared to having to worry about the state of my children in her care.

Ok so basically, a few weeks ago my friend set me up with this boy that he works with and I would like go to his work to see him and stuff like 3 times before we hung out which was today and honestly I just don’t know how I feel and I honestly don’t know what to do because I feel like an asshole for hanging out with him just to end up not knowing if I like him. Let me give a little background onto why i feel this way. First I dated this boy and he was my first boyfriend as well as my first everything so I truly did love him so much, ever since we broke up I feel as if I can never escape him he’s either on someone’s post or something involving him gets brought up or something he used to do gets brought up and like even today i just randomly see him. This makes it’s so hard to move on because i feel like I deep down still have hope for us even tho there isn’t any because we have each other blocked on everything. Beside that there’s also a situationship that’s been going on before and after me and ex broke up with this guy who is literally my human duplicate and I just feel like I also can’t get over him either. Now it’s not like there’s anything this boy lacks I mean he’s very good looking, when he came and picked me up he came to my front door, opened the car doors for me everytime, bought me food and coffee was just overalll really nice but he just doesn’t have the personality I see myself being with. I’m very loud and outgoing and constantly busy and I just love being active and with people and i especially love talking and he’s just very reserved and quiet and shy and I just don’t know if I’m into people like that I love when people match my energy and he just very different from me. I told my dad this and he said to give the boy a chance and so I said I would but after me and my ex broke up my aunt gave me a long lecture about men and it ended with her saying “ if you don’t picture yourself marrying this person and having a life with them then its just not your person” and it’s been stuck in my head forever and if I’m being honest, I just don’t see myself marrying someone like him I wanna be with someone who is more similar to me than different. My mom says opposites attract but I just don’t feel like it’s the same for me. What should I do? Someone pls give me legit good advice😄.

I’m a student I’m a 19F year old student in college dating a guy I been with for going on 3 years now I have a overall good relationship with my parents though we often butt heads a lot…throughout my whole life I had a “problem with boys” it started when I was 14F I started dating of course being young and dumb i did dumb things like texting inappropriately. My parents would go through my phone and find thing an make me break up with them even if we wasn’t texting inappropriate as well…When I was 15F I met a guy who was Muslim who I started dating when I was 16F and he ended up sharing at part of his religion with me I got very close with his family but my parents are Christian so when they saw I was changing my views on my own religion and actually starting to love Islam and wanted to convert they forced me to break up with him i didn’t want to because he was also my friend so I left home and this caused a big deal… my grandma called the police on me and I got brought home being forced to now see or talk to him, quite my job( I worked with him), and not graduate early ( I was ahead and had great grades in High school). A year later I met my current Boyfriend who I truly love and I know loves me. Me and my boyfriend, me 16M and 17F I am a year older. I try to hide him from my parents because I know they would probably tell me to break up with him or start going through my phone again. Which they did go through my phone and saw I was dating him and wanted me to break up with him but I didn’t! We continue dating and we wasn’t perfect we were young a dumb as well when we first started dating we wasn’t allowed to go on dates because we both didn’t have a car so I try to sneak to his house and got caught then a year ago I sneaked him into my house for a day while my parents where gone on vacation he felt uneasy because he knew my parents are strict and didn’t want to get me in trouble but we did anyway and we were successful… Until 6 months later me and my dad had been arguing because of how I felt he treats me (we have a rocky relationship and when me mad he will ignore me for weeks) this turned into a family problem because my grandma and mom got into it and he felt I was putting all the blame on him. So one day I came home after going to meet my boyfriend ate the park ( they knew I was meeting him) I came home and we got into a big argument. My dad said he doesn’t talk to me because how I act and told me how he had on camera me sneaking my boyfriend in the house. I felt really bad and knew I was wrong but confused why he just now decided to confront me about it. But why forced me to break up with my boyfriend i didn’t want to because I love him we been dating now for 2 years as well and I’m 18 but to go into college so I packed my stuff and tried to leave, my boyfriend wanted me to come stay with him till I could move into my dorm but my dad got mad and got physically aggressive and stoped me( gave me bruises on my arm). I brought all my college supplies myself man’s my mom broke it in the front yard with a hammer… I even gave them my car keys and was but to leave to my boyfriend house in the Uber I bought. But they forced me to stay and break up with him also I wasn’t allowed to go live on campus anymore. Now a year later my parents hate him and since I live in there house I’m not allowed to see him( we met one a week at my college to see each other secretly). They said I did this to myself and I always blame them…I’m really in a hard spot right now and don’t know what to do.

Lengthy rant/ advice appreciated.
We’ve been married for 6 months. We have a 6 year old ( mine from a previous relationship), an 8 month old and I’m 18 weeks pregnant. His sex drive has always been a lot lower than mine but it’s been basically nonexistent since I was about 6 months pregnant with my daughter. Like I can bend over naked and play with myself and he still rejects me. I’ve lost ALL of the baby weight and more so it’s not like he’s struggling with my body being different. He doesn’t compliment me at all. I found him following only fans girls on instagram during the peak of all of this. He’s weird about his phone ( Snapchat notifications off because “ the boys chat is annoying”, closes out or avoids opening his social media messages and his texts in front of me and will go on candy crush or a news app until I walk away). And no I am not nosey I would never go through his phone but the behavior surrounding his phone is just weird. After my daughter was born, instead of supporting and backing me up with the boundaries I had in place ( don’t come over sick, wash hands, no kissing her, don’t put your fingers in her mouth… ya know the basic stuff) he started taking his families side and fighting me and mocking me over my boundaries. Would call me a germaphobe and roll his eyes and argue when I asked him to wash his hands after coming home from work( a cop, he touches nasty shit all day) or after going pee. Basically made me feel crazy for asking him and his family to practice basic hygiene practices around our newborn. He gets livid I don’t want our kids, mostly our daughter because my son isn’t his and he won’t fight me on what I want for him, at his moms house because she chain smokes in it. He says he grew up in that and is fine. Not even going to get into the issues with his mom. Our first date after our daughter was born I emphasized my need for time alone with him and told him if this was a friends event( red wings game) then I wouldn’t be going. He promised it would be us and sure enough his friends magically got last minute tickets. He won’t communicate shit and he’s pretty much been emotionally neglectful at this point( I’ve had full on panic attacks balling my eyes out and he just walks by me visibly annoyed and ignores me). Every time I bring up something that’s bothering me he turns it around on me. “I can’t do anything right. You’re so miserable this is why I hate being home. Being around you is miserable”. This entire time I’ve loved him through it and have been willing to work on things until about a month ago. Me and the baby had the flu Monday- Friday. Obviously I didn’t get to rest much because the baby needed me. I told him I would appreciate him being home during the weekend so I could rest and catch up on housework. Come Saturday( he worked all day that day)he asks if he can golf Sunday. He was planning on going to work at 7 am until golf at 3 then he had hockey after until around 10 pm. Of course I got annoyed because I asked him in advance to help out with the kids so I asked if he could stay home from hockey. Come day of he throws a temper tantrum and says I’m being ridiculous and I keep him on a tight leash etc…
I know I haven’t been completely perfect in our relationship but I’ve been actively working on the things he wants me to. I’ve been going to therapy to work on my problems. He does have redeeming qualities and I’ve been very patient with him because I know dads can experience postpartum depression and or anxiety. Ive brought up marriage counseling and he’s been pretty resistant. I’m in nursing school so I’ve only been working as a bartender 2 days a week. I can’t really pick up shifts because we have zero childcare options at this point that’s affordable. I understand he’s under stress being the sole financial provider. But I literally cannot take this anymore. I feel like I’m getting nothing out of this relationship besides help until I finish nursing school. I can’t pack up and leave because I’m due in October and graduate in December( yeah idk why I did this to myself). I think he’s recently picked up on me not caring anymore and he’s been super sweet and has been willing to try. . But I’m at the point where I’m not sure if I am anymore. I know marriage is hard but is it supposed to be this hard?

I’m a student I’m a 19 year old student in college dating a guy I been with for going on 3 years now I have a overall good relationship with my parents though we often butt heads a lot…throughout my whole life I had a “problem with boys” it started when I was 14 I started dating of course being young and dumb i did dumb things like texting inappropriately. My parents would go through my phone and find thing an make me break up with them even if we wasn’t texting inappropriate as well…When I was 15 I met a guy who was Muslim who I started dating when I was 16 and he ended up sharing at part of his religion with me I got very close with his family but my parents are Christian so when they saw I was changing my views on my own religion and actually starting to love Islam and wanted to convert they forced me to break up with him i didn’t want to because he was also my friend so I left home and this caused a big deal… my grandma called the police on me and I got brought home being forced to now see or talk to him, quite my job( I worked with him), and not graduate early ( I was ahead and had great grades in High school). A year later I met my current Boyfriend who I truly love and I know loves me. Me and my boyfriend me 16 and 17 I am a year older. I try to hide him from my parents because I know they would probably tell me to break up with him or start going through my phone again. Which they did go through my phone and saw I was dating him and wanted me to break up with him but I didn’t! We continue dating and we wasn’t perfect we were young a dumb as well when we first started dating we wasn’t allowed to go on dates because we both didn’t have a car so I try to sneak to his house and got caught then a year ago I sneaked him into my house for a day while my parents where gone on vacation he felt uneasy because he knew my parents are strict and didn’t want to get me in trouble but we did anyway and we were successful… Until 6 months later me and my dad had been arguing because of how I felt he treats me (we have a rocky relationship and when me mad he will ignore me for weeks) this turned into a family problem because my grandma and mom got into it and he felt I was putting all the blame on him. So one day I came home after going to meet my boyfriend ate the park ( they knew I was meeting him) I came home and we got into a big argument. My dad said he doesn’t talk to me because how I act and told me how he had on camera me sneaking my boyfriend in the house. I felt really bad and knew I was wrong but confused why he just now decided to confront me about it. But why forced me to break up with my boyfriend i didn’t want to because I love him we been dating now for 2 years as well and I’m 18 but to go into college so I packed my stuff and tried to leave, my boyfriend wanted me to come stay with him till I could move into my dorm but my dad got mad and got physically aggressive and stoped me( gave me bruises on my arm). I brought all my college supplies myself man’s my mom broke it in the front yard with a hammer… I even gave them my car keys and was but to leave to my boyfriend house in the Uber I bought. But they forced me to stay and break up with him also I wasn’t allowed to go live on campus anymore. Now a year later my parents hate him and since I live in there house I’m not allowed to see him( we met one a week at my college to see each other secretly). They said I did this to myself and I always blame them…I’m I the problem?

My sister in law always brings her kids over to where I live (we live with my husband's dad cuz he's elderly) and her kids just come over, trash the house, and leave. She has 4 kids all under 10 and they come over and put food all over the tables and counters, toys everywhere, even their shoes and jackets just thrown everywhere. They come over and eat mine and my husband's food that we buy and we aren't rich. They don't replace it. She makes plans to come over to the house and doesn't tell anyone. She just drops by without a single word to my husband or I. So I'll be in the shower or something and the kids will be banging on my door wanting to see me but like wth ? Really ? I love the kids but they don't know how to clean up after themselves and we have to parent them every. Single. Time. Girly is just on the couch on her phone making plans with other moms or pitching and complaining about something. MIND YOU: This woman is living the ✨️ dream ✨️. She's a stay-at-home mom/wife and has HER OWN HOUSE that's unfortunately 5 min away from ours. Her house is nice and big, she's got the cars, her husband has a great job with "unlimited PTO" as he says. Yet, she's SO miserable. Like all the time. Her boys do baseball and she's always like "UGH gotta be there at 8 AM hahaha!!" Like, okay? Why do you sign yourself up for this shit? Our house has a pool and I'm dreading it again this year. Last year, she just kept bringing her kids over without telling anyone and so we will be walking around the house and BOOM. A child. Soaking wet running in the house. They leave doors open so our place had a bunch of flies and gnats. She also had the audacity to invite all of her friends over and had a party without even TELLING US. AND! She said that WE had to use the community pool in the neighborhood if we had a problem with it. We pay rent. She has her own house which, by the way, is a total disaster. Sigh... I haven't been able to get this out. So... thank you for reading this far if you did. She's cool when she wants to be... but man... she seriously does not care about anything or anyone. In the past, she's threatened my husband telling him that she'd not let the family see the kids cuz she felt "unwelcomed" at our house. When all we said was to LET US KNOW. I live on high alert because I don't know when a kid will come crashing through the door. Rant over... thanks for reading 🤧 I've held this in for a long time. I talk to my husband, but no one else really knows.
TLDR: Sis in law lacks MAJOR boundaries and walks into our house like she owns the place. Kids come and trash the house and then leave. We are left to pick up the place cuz no one will tell her anything. A RANT.

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How High (2001) (MA/HD) $6.50
Howard the Duck (1986) (MA/4K) $7
Humans, The (2021) (Vudu/HD) $6.25
Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996) (MA/HD) $6.50 (GP/HD) $5
Hunger Games Collection 1-4 (Vudu/HD) $6
Hunt, The (2019) (MA/HD) $5.50
Hurricane Heist (2018) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/4K) $3.50
I, Tonya (2017) (MA/HD) $5
Ice Age (2002) (MA/HD) $4.25
Ice Age Collection 1-5 (MA/SD) $16
Identity Thief (2013) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $3.50
Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (2023) (MA/HD) $6
Indiana Jones Collection 1-4 (Vudu/4K) $24 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $20
Indivisible (2018) (MA/HD) $5
Inferno (2016) (MA/HD) $3
Infinite (2021) (Vudu/4K) $5.50 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $4.50
Inside Out (2015) (MA/4K) $5.75 (iTunes/4K) $4 (GP/HD) $1.50
Insidious: The Last Key (2018) (MA/HD) $5.50
Insidious: The Red Door (2023) (MA/HD) $5.25
Instructions Not Included (2013) (Vudu/HD) $3.75
Insurgent (2015) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $4 (Vudu/HD) $3.50
Interview, The (2014) (MA/HD) $3.25
Iron Man (2008) (MA/4K) $7.25 (iTunes/4K) $7 (GP/HD) $3
Iron Man 3 (2013) (iTunes/4K) $3 (MA/HD) $2.25 (GP/HD) $1.50
Iron Man and Hulk: Heroes United (2013) (MA/HD) $5 (GP/HD) $4
Jack Reacher: Never Go Back (2016) (Vudu/4K) $5.25 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $2.75
Jacob's Ladder (1990) (Vudu/HD) $3.50
Jason Bourne (2016) (MA/4K) $5.25 (iTunes/4K) $3.50 (MA/HD) $3
Jaws (1975) (MA/4K) $5.75 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $4.50
Jaws (1975) Jaws 2 (1978) Jaws 3 (1983) Jaws: The Revenge (1987) (MA/HD) $15.50
Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $5.50
Jerry Maguire (1996) (MA/4K) $6.50
Jigsaw (2017) (Vudu/4K) $4.75 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $2
Jingle All the Way (1996) (MA/HD) $6
Joy (2015) (MA/HD) (iTunes/4K) $5
Jungle Book 2 (2003) (MA/HD) $6.50
Jungle Cruise (2021) (MA/4K) $5.50 (MA/HD) $3.75 (GP/HD) $3
Jurassic Park: The Lost World (1997) (MA/4K) $6.50 (iTunes/4K) $3.50 (MA/HD) $2.75
Jurassic World Collection 1-6 (MA/HD) $11
Jurassic World: Dominion + Extended Cut (2022) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $3.75
Justice League: War World (2023) (MA/HD) $5.50
Kandahar (2023) (MA/4K) $7
Karate Kid (1984) (MA/4K) $6.50
Kick-Ass (2010) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $5.25
Kid, The (2019) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $4.75
Killerman (2019) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $3.75
Kimi (2022) (MA/4K) $6.75
King's Man (2021) (MA/HD) $4.50 (GP/HD) $3.50
Knives Out (2019) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $5
Krampus (2015) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $4.75
Lady and the Tramp II: Scamp’s Adventure (2001) (MA/HD) $7 (GP/HD) $5.50
Last Duel, The (2021) (MA/HD) $5.25 (GP/HD) $4
Last Full Measure (2020) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $5.25
Last Vegas (2013) (MA/HD) $3
Last Voyage of the Demeter (2023) (MA/4K) $7.50 (MA/HD) $7
Last Witch Hunter (2015) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $1.50
Last Word (2017) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $4.75
Leap! (2017) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $3.25
Life (2017) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $2.50
Lighthouse (Vudu/HD) $5.75
Lightyear (2022) (MA/4K) $4.75 (MA/HD) $2.50 (GP/HD) $1.75
Lilo & Stitch (2002) & Stitch Has a Glitch (2005) (MA/HD) $9.50 (GP/HD) $5.50
Lion King (1994) (MA/4K) $7 (MA/HD) $4.50 (GP/HD) $2.75
Lion King 2: Simba's Pride (1998) (MA/HD) $6.25
Little Mermaid (1989) (MA/4K) $7 (iTunes/4K) $5 (GP/HD) $3.25
Little Monsters (1989) (Vudu/HD) $5.50
Little Women (2019) (MA/HD) $5.50
Lone Ranger (2013) (MA/HD) $4.50 (GP/HD) $2.50
Lone Survivor (2013) (MA/4K) $6.25 (iTunes/4K) $2 (MA/HD) $1.50
Looper (2012) (MA/HD) $2.75
Lords of Salem, The (2012) (Vudu/HD) $4.75
Lost City, The (2022) (Vudu/4K) $5.50 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $5
Love Actually (2003) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $5
Lovebirds (2020) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $5.25
Lyle, Lyle, Crocodile (2022) (MA/HD) $4.25
M3GAN + Unrated (2023) (MA/HD) $5.50
Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh (1977) (MA/HD) $6.50
Marksman, The (2021) (MA/HD) $5
Marlowe (2023) (MA/HD) $6.50
Martian - Extended Cut (2015) (MA/4K) $7.75 (MA/HD) $5.25
Martian (Theatrical) (2015) (MA/4K) $7 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $3
Mary Queen of Scots (2018) (MA/HD) $6
Maze Runner (2014) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $5.25
Meg 2: The Trench (2023) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $5
Memory (2022) (MA/HD) $4
Men (2022) (Vudu/HD) $5
Men in Black Collection 1-3 (MA/HD) $14.50
Men Who Stare at Goats (2009) (Vudu/HD) $4.75
Menu (2022) (MA/HD) $5.50
Mickey & Friends 10 Classic Shorts - Volume 2 (2023) (MA/HD) $6.25 (GP/HD) $5
Mickey & Minnie 10 Classic Shorts - Volume 1 (2023) (MA/HD) $5.25 (GP/HD) $3.75
Mickey's Christmas Carol (1983) (MA/HD) $6 (GP/HD) $4.50
Midnight Meat Train (Unrated Director's Cut) (2008) (Vudu/HD) $5
Midsommar (2019) (Vudu/HD) $5.50
Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates (2016) (MA/HD) (iTunes/4K) $3.75
Million Dollar Arm (2014) (MA/HD) $4 (GP/HD) $3
Minions (2015) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $2.50
Minions: The Rise of Gru (2022) & Minions (2015) (MA/HD) $7.25
Minions: The Rise of Gru (2022) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $5
Moonfall (2022) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $4.75
Morbius (2022) (MA/4K) $5 (MA/HD) $3
Mortal Engines (2018) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $3.50
Mortal Instruments: City of Bones (2014) (MA/HD) $3.25
Mortal Kombat Legends: Cage Match (2023) (MA/4K) $6.75 (MA/HD) $5.50
Mother! (2017) (Vudu/HD) $3.25
Motherless Brooklyn (2019) (MA/HD) $3.75
Mud (2013) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $3
Mulan (1998) (MA/4K) $6.75 (MA/HD) $5 (GP/HD) $3
Mummy, The (2017) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $2.75
My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 (2016) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $3.75
My Fair Lady (1964) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $5.50
My Girl (1991) & 2 (1994) (MA/SD) $6.50
Natural, The (1984) (MA/4K) $6
Never Grow Old (2019) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4.50
New Mutants (2020) (MA/4K) $6.75 (MA/HD) $5 (GP/HD) $3.25
Night at the Museum 3-Movie (MA/HD) $11.50 (MA/SD) $8
No Country For Old Men (2007) (Vudu/HD) $5.50
No Hard Feelings (2023) (MA/HD) $5.50
No Time to Die (2021) (iTunes/4K) $3.50
Noah (2014) (Vudu/HD) $1.75 (iTunes/HD) $1.50
Nope (2022) (MA/HD) $5
Nope (2022), Get Out (2017) & Us (2019) (MA/HD) $9
Northman (2022) (MA/4K) $6.75 (MA/HD) $3.75
Notting Hill (1999) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $3.75
Nun 2 (2023) (MA/HD) $6
Oblivion (2013) (MA/4K) $7 (iTunes/4K) $3.50 (MA/HD) $2
Old (2021) (MA/4K) $7 (MA/HD) $4.25
Oliver! (1968) (MA/4K) $6.50
Olympus Has Fallen (2013) (MA/HD) $5
Once Upon A Time... In Hollywood (2019) (MA/4K) $6.75 (MA/HD) $4.25
Operation Fortune: Ruse de Guerre (2023) (Vudu/4K) $7
Oppenheimer (2023) (MA/HD) $7
Other Guys, The (2010) (MA/4K) $6.50
Other Woman (2014) $4.25
Ouija (2014) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $2.50
Outfit (2022) (MA/HD) $7
Over the Hedge (2006) (MA/HD) $6.50
Oz the Great and Powerful (2013) (MA/HD) $2 (GP/HD) $1
Pacific Rim Uprising (2018) (MA/4K) $7 (MA/HD) $4.25
ParaNorman (2012) (iTunes/HD) $5
Parasite (2019) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $4.50
Patriot Games (1992) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $5
Patriots Day (2017) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $2.50
Paul (2011) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $4.25
PAW Patrol: The Mighty Movie (2023) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/4K) $6.50
Paws of Fury: The Legend of Hank (2022) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $5.25
Peppermint (2018) (iTunes/HD) $2
Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters (2013) (MA/HD) $2.25
Pet Sematary (2019) (Vudu/4K) $4 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $2.50
Pete’s Dragon (2016) (MA/HD) $6 (GP/HD) $4.25
Peter Pan (1953) (MA/HD) $6 (GP/HD) $4.50
Peter Rabbit 2 (2021) (MA/HD) $4
Philadelphia (1993) (MA/4K) $6.50
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (2017) (MA/4K) $7 (MA/HD) $2.75 (GP/HD) $1.50
Pitch Perfect Collection 1-3 (MA/HD) $11.50
Plane (2023) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $6.50
Planes, Trains and Automobiles (1987) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/4K) $5
Planet of the Apes 1-3 (Newer) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $10
Pocahontas (1995) (MA/HD) $6.25
Poms (2019) (iTunes/HD) $2.50
Pope's Exorcist (2023) (MA/HD) $5.75
Power Rangers (2017) (iTunes/4K) $3 (Vudu/HD) $2.50
Predator (2018) (MA/4K) $5.75 (MA/HD) $3.50
Prey for the Devil (2022) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $6.50
Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (2016) (MA/HD) $6
Prince of Egypt (2002) (MA/HD) $5.50
Purge, The (2013) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $2.75
Puss in Boots (2011) & The Last Wish (2022) (MA/HD) $10.50
Puss in Boots (2011) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $5.50
Quantum of Solace (2008) (Vudu/HD) $5.75
R.I.P.D. (2013) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $3
Rambo: First Blood Part II (1985) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $5.50
Rampage (2018) (MA/4K) $6.50
Ratatouille (2007) (MA/HD) (iTunes/4K) $7.50
Rebel Without a Cause (1955) (MA/4K) $7
Red Dawn (2012) (Vudu/HD) $5.25 (iTunes/SD) $2
Red Sparrow (2018) (MA/HD) $3.75
Reservoir Dogs (1992) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $5
Revenant, The (2015) (MA/4K) $5 (iTunes/4K) $3.75
Rhythm Section (2020) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $4
Ricki And The Flash (2015) (MA/HD) $4.50
Riddick Collection 1-3 (Unrated) (MA/HD) $13.50
Rio 2 (2014) (MA/HD) $2
Rise of the Guardians (2012) (MA/HD) $3
Robin Hood (2010) (MA/4K) $6
Rock the Kasbah (2015) (MA/HD) $6.50
Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975) (MA/HD) $5.25
Rudy (Director's Cut) (1993) (MA/4K) $6.50
Rumble (2022) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $5.50
Russell Madness (2015) (MA/HD) $3.75
Saint Maud (2020) (Vudu/HD) $5.75
Same Kind of Different as Me (2017) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $2
Savages (2012) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $2.25
Saw Collection 1-7 (Vudu/HD) $9.75
Scary Movie Collection 1-3 (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $13.50
Scoob (2020) (MA/4K) $3.25
Scream 5 (2022) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $5
Scream 6 (2023) (Vudu/4K) $7 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $6.50
Scream Collection 1-3 (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $13.50
Secret Headquarters (2022) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/4K) $5.50
Seeking a Friend for the End of the World (2012) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $4.50
Selma (2015) (Vudu/HD) $2.75 (iTunes/HD) $2.25
Semper Fi (2019) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4.25
Seriously Red (2022) (Vudu/HD) $6
Shape of Water (2017) (MA/HD) $3.25
Shaun the Sheep Movie (2015) (Vudu/HD) $3.75
Sicario: Day of the Soldado (2018) (MA/4K) $7 (MA/HD) $3.75
Sick (2023) (MA/4K) $6.75
Silent Night, Deadly Night: 3-Film Collection (1989-1991) (Vudu/HD) $5.50
Sixteen Candles (1984) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $4.25
Skyscraper (2018) (MA/4K) $5 (MA/HD) $1.75
Sleepy Hollow (1999) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $6.75
Smile (2022) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/4K) $6.25
Smokey and the Bandit (1977) (MA/4K) $6 (MA/HD) $4.50
Smokin' Aces (2007) (MA/4K) $6 (iTunes/4K) $5.50
Smurfs: The Lost Village (2017) (MA/HD) $3
Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs (1937) (MA/HD) $6 (GP/HD) $3.75
Social Network (2010) (MA/4K) $6.50
Sonic the Hedgehog (2020) (Vudu/4K) $6.25 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $4
Sonic the Hedgehog 2 (2022) (Vudu/4K) $6 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $4.50
Soul (2020) (MA/4K) $6 (MA/HD) $3.75 (GP/HD) $2.25
Sound of Music (1965) (MA/HD) $5.50
Space Between Us, The (2017) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4.50
Spectacular Now (2013) (Vudu/HD) $3.50
Spell (2020) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/4K) $5
Spider-Man Collection 1-8 (MA/HD) $26
Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (2023) (MA/HD) $5.50
Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021) (MA/4K) $6.25 (MA/HD) $3.50
Spirit Untamed: The Movie (2021) (MA/HD) $5.50
Star Trek Beyond (2016) (Vudu/HD) $1.75 (iTunes/4K) $3.25
Star Trek Collection 1-3 (Vudu/HD) $9.50 (iTunes/4K) $13.50
Starship Troopers (1997) (MA/4K) $6.50
Still Alice (2015) (MA/HD) $3.25
Straight Outta Compton (Unrated Director’s Cut) (2015) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $2.50
Strange World (2022) (MA/HD) $5 (GP/HD) $4.25
Studio 666 (2022) (MA/4K) $7 (MA/HD) $6.25
Suburbicon (2017) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $3.25
Super Mario Bros Movie (2023) (MA/4K) $7.25 (MA/HD) $5.50
Super Troopers (2002) (MA/HD) $5.50
Superman: Red Son (2020) (MA/HD) $3.50
SW: A New Hope (1977) (MA/4K) $7 (GP/HD) $3.50
SW: Empire Strikes Back (1980) (MA/4K) $7 (GP/HD) $3.50
SW: Rise of Skywalker (2019) (MA/4K) $6 (iTunes/4K) $4.75 (GP/HD) $2.25
Sword in the Stone (1963) (MA/HD) $5.75 (GP/HD) $3.25
T2 Trainspotting (2017) (MA/HD) $7
Talk to Me (2023) (Vudu/4K) $6.50
Tar (2022) (MA/HD) $5.75
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem (2023) (Vudu/4K) $7.50 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $6.50
Thanksgiving (2023) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $5.50
Think Like a Man (2012) & Too (2014) (MA/HD) $8.50
Thor (2011) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $7 (GP/HD) $3.50
Thor: Love and Thunder (2022) (MA/4K) $6.75 (MA/HD) $3.25 (GP/HD) $2
Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri (2017) (MA/HD) $3.50
Ticket to Paradise (2022) (MA/HD) $5.75
Till (2022) (iTunes/4K) $6.50
Titanic (1997) (Vudu/4K) $6.50 (Vudu/HD) $4.75 (iTunes/4K) $6
TMNT Out of the Shadows (2016) (iTunes/4K) $4
To Kill a Mockingbird (1962) (MA/4K) $5.75 (iTunes/4K) $4.50
Tomorrowland (2015) (MA/HD) $5.50 (GP/HD) $3.50
Top Gun: Maverick (2022) (Vudu/4K) $5.50 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $5.25
Total Recall (1990) (Vudu/4K) $5 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $4.75
Toy Story 1-4 (MA/4K) $23 (iTunes/4K) $21 (GP/HD) $11.50
Transformers 1-5 (Vudu/4K) $25 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $23
Transformers: Rise of the Beasts (2023) (Vudu/4K) $7 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $6
Trauma Center (2019) (iTunes/4K) $3.25
Trolls (2016) (MA/HD) $1.25
Trolls Band Together (2023) (MA/HD) $6.50
Trolls Collection 1-2 (MA/HD) $5.75
True Story (2015) (MA/HD) $5.25
Tully (2018) (MA/HD) $5
Turbo (2013) (MA/HD) $2.50 (iTunes/SD) $1
Turning Red (2022) (MA/HD) $3.75 (GP/HD) $2.50
Turning, The (2020) (MA/HD) $5.25
Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent (2022) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $6.75
Uncharted (2022) (MA/4K) $5.25 (MA/HD) $3.25
Uncle Drew (2018) (Vudu/4K) $6 (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $3
Under the Skin (2014) (Vudu/HD) $4.75
Underwater (2020) (MA/HD) $5.50
Underworld: Blood Wars (2016) (MA/HD) $2.25
Unfinished Business (2015) (MA/HD) $4.50
Unhinged (2020) (Vudu/HD) $4.50
Usual Suspects, The (1995) (Vudu/HD) $6
Vertigo (1958) (MA/HD) $4.75
Victor Frankenstein (2015) (MA/HD) (iTunes/4K) $5.50
Violent Night (2022) (MA/HD) $5.75
Visit (2015) (MA/HD) $4.50
Vivo (2021) (MA/HD) $4
Vow, The (2012) (MA/HD) $3.25
Voyagers (2021) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $6.25
Walking with Dinosaurs (2013) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $2.50
Warcraft (2016) (MA/4K) $4.50 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $2.25
Watch, The (2012) (MA/HD) $4
Weird Science (2008) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $5.75
Whale, The (2022) (Vudu/HD) $5.75
When the Bough Breaks (2016) (MA/HD) $4.50
Where the Crawdads Sing (2022) (MA/HD) $3.75
Whiplash (2014) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $5.50
White Christmas (1954) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $5.50
White House Down (2013) (MA/HD) $3.25
Whitney Houston: I Wanna Dance With Somebody (2022) (MA/HD) $4.75
Widows (2018) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $2
Witch, The (2016) (Vudu/HD) $3.50
Wolverine (Unrated) (2013) (MA/HD) $3.25
Woman King (2022) (MA/4K) $5.75 (MA/HD) $4
Wonder Park (2019) (Vudu/HD) $3.50 (iTunes/4K) $2.25
Wonder Woman: Bloodlines (2019) (MA/HD) $3
World War Z (2013) (Vudu/HD) $3.25 (iTunes/4K) $4.50
X (2022), Hereditary (2018), Witch, The (2016), Green Room (2015), It Comes at Night (2017) (Vudu/HD) $13.50
X-Men (2000), X2 (2003), X-Men: The Last Stand (2006) (MA/HD) $12
X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009) (MA/HD) $7
X-Men: Dark Phoenix (2019) (MA/HD) $6
X-Men: Apocalypse (2016) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $2.25
X-Men: The Last Stand (2006) (MA/HD) $7.50
xXx: The Return of Xander Cage (2017) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $1.25
Yesterday (2019) (MA/4K) $7 (MA/HD) $4.75
Zombieland (2009) (MA/4K) $7.25
Zombieland: Double Tap (2019) (MA/4K) $7.25 (MA/HD) $5.25
Zookeeper's Wife, The (2017) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $4
Zootopia (2016) (MA/4K) $7.25 (iTunes/4K) $5 (MA/HD) $4.50 (GP/HD) $3.25

So I 18 (mtf) have been transitioning for about a year. Also I am not out to anyone except my mom and sister which doesn’t acknowledge the fact that I’m trans. My dad is an unstable person and hasn’t seen me in three months because of work. He along with his side of the family is coming to my graduation and they also haven’t seen me in about 4 months, and in those 4 month I really changed, I changed so much that I fully pass as a female now. Which is why I am scared for graduation, also the fact that after graduation I have to go down to Mississippi (I live in Maryland) for a week to meet more family on his side. Which is also scary because obviously it’s Mississippi. But also because I’m away from my house.
But after that week I don’t get to go home, I have to go to California for 2 months to stay with my mom side of the family which I enjoy more than my dad side because they are more opened minded. But idk how they feel about trans people and they haven’t seen me in years so idk. But I also have to work with my uncle in California where I have to clean bathrooms at the beaches so idk how that’s gonna go because I fully pass as a female. And when I used to work for him I obviously was cleaning the boys bathroom.
Idk I’m so scared, idk what to do. I can’t anymore, I was just feeling so happy about passing know it feels like a curse. I hate being trans!!!!!!!!! Uggggghhhhhh

I (m) 25 live with my mom & her Elder Sister ( My Khala), My Father Passed Away 11 Years Ago, And my Kuala Never Got Married and She's A Retired Govt. Employee. And we 3 were Living Pretty Decent Upper Middle Class Life Until The World got hit by Covid. And I Lost Almost All Of My Finances as my Father had a Moderate Level of Textile Business & after My Baba's Death I Took Over it, and Covid Just made me Lost That 1 Source of Income which Both my Parents had Built In a span of 18 Years...
In July 2020, I was Married Earning Around 4-5 Lacs from our Factory.
In May 2021, I was Bankrupted because whole Country's Economy was On Hold... With me 40 People Lost there Jobs which they were doing for Years.. 40 Families lost there Daily Bread & Butter.
My Wife Took Khula from me and went to Dubai as she just completed her MBBS and during that time There was a hell load of Demand of Medical Staff in Middle East..
Rest of a Little Money which was left in my Bank Account (10-12 Lacs) were drowned Like Water on trying to open & Run a few Small Business Projects like Opening a Small Scale 1-2 Dishes Specialized Food Corner, or Selling Electronics and Accessories online & mostly Got Myself Pick-pocketed by my own Childhood friends who were my Brothers as I don't have any Siblings.
Its not like that my m apny ap m barky mar rha hu. But I Have been Raised to become a Well Groomed Guy. Mentally, Ethically, Intellectually, But I never Pursued my Education after Intermediate As I had to become the Only Pillar To my mother who was trying to Raise me and Managing my Baba's Business. And nobody And I Literally mean Not even a single member From our Family Stood Forward to Help us In those Difficult Times.
So why I wrote All those Incidents which are Irrelevant to the Question Asked Above?
At this time I've been Jobless for 2.5 years. And me my, mom & My Khala Relies on my Khala's Pension for our monthly Survival. We live in a Rented House. And This month Due to 1st May's Local Holiday, My Khala's Pension got delayed for 2 days only. And on That Labour's Day We Didn't Ate until Friday when she Finally Got The Amount in his Bank. And I Was Shattered up to my Core by Seeing my Mom and Kahala in that miserable State. My mom is of 64 & my khala is almost 8-10 years Elder than her.
So for me Even 100 Rs. Is Priceless, I can't calculate its Value. I'm So Hurt RightNow that being a Fit Healthy Young Boy I am Unable to Provide for my family.
Still I Am ThankFul to Allah Almighty For Everything.
j I started a YouTube Channel Exactly 1 year Ago. And So Far my Channel have 193 Subscribers. Plz make Dua For the Growth of my Channel as for my mama, This Channel is her last Hope jis sy Unka Ye Nalayak Beta apny Pero py Khara ho jay...
I'm Sorry for sooo lengthy post. May Allah Pak Bless Every One Ameen :)

Not a true story!
Hi my name is Yuki and I have a brother and his name is Duri and he is a basketball team and this is how made a bond with his basketball team ok well umm so from the beginning when i was 11 ok i’m going to school I said you mean we are going to school said Duri yeah yeah whatever let’s go to school don’t act like you are the oldest remember so what if you are one year older it means that i am the more responsible child no just cause you are the oldest does not mean that you are the more responsible child oh yes it does no it does not oh really who takes care of you who takes care of the house fine you win but .…never mind let’s not get distracted Yuki said ok whatever at school I wonder what Yuki was about to say I was to scared to say that I was getting bullied can I go to bathroom yes you may Duri thank you Duri wash’s his face oh hey Duri you are working with Jey sweet hey Duri over here hey bro what’s up with the mood nothing just some weird stuff happened ok let’s work on the project later oh hi Jey hey Yuki how are you? good you? Perfect and what is up with Duri hi what are you talking about just a funny video yeah it super funny whatever let’s go get lunch ok but what is lunch today fries or chips btw they are in a private school ok thank you for telling me your welcome hello am i not here do you think that you are not here? No cause you are talking to me so then what does that mean? That i am here exactly Jey yeah yeah whatever I’m sorry can we go to the cafeteria please yes let’s go I’m hungry me too I hate waiting in line it’s always long I know right ok thank god that I’m not the only one think’s that oh yeah you and Duri have a basketball game today yeah we do at 4:48 pm you remember of course I do and it ends at 6:00 pm wow that’s a long game isn't well I’m coming to it we want us to win this game Yeah we will do our best for everyone
At the game ok you can do this I know you can ok everybody follow my lead yes sir! Captain am I going to be on the court yes you are going to be on it right now okay I’ll be right there come on guys is everybody where they are supposed to be Yes! Ok then let’s start calm down Jey pull yourself together you got yourself into this and there is no pulling back Rowan oh it’s Rowan he’s also Duri’s friend he is a first year in basketball and Duri is a second year so he is almost in high school PASS TO ME ROWAN Duri and Jey are both 12 and they are second years in basketball so they really good at it and practice everyday plus there’s going to be new characters in a bit don’t mess this up PASS THE BALL TO ME here we GO COME ON JEY I KNOW YOU CAN MAKE US WIN! I...made it YES you did amazing out there Jey thank you captain your welcome well we need to go now we will anyways meet her out there yeah true I’m coming after they went to the locker room man my legs hurt don’t blame you same here so are we going Celebrate Yes but we need one more person to celebrate And who is that going to be My sister she can be a little mean Her name is Yuki she'll introduce herself to you I am excited to meet her I bet you she's also excited to meet youI'm shy so I don't think I will talk to her that much come on man she is not going to kill you you all know that I do NOT talk to a lot of people but she is kind to people SO don’t need to be scared from her OH YES I DO NEED TO JEY NO YOU DO NOT HEY STOP IT THE BOTH OF YOU NOW what’s taking them so long I wonder if they will like me or hate me well I’m going to need introduce myself
Hi Jasmine Hi Yuki, how are you today?Good and bad Why?A girl made fun of me man I just wish that the world could be better you know yeah I do a lot so much that you would not Believe It Hey sis hey Duri this is my team team this my sister Yuki Hi Yuki Hi let me introduce myself I’m Yuki and I’m one year younger than Duri and I CAN be mean to the people WHO are mean to me so you don’t need to be scared from me and I want to introduce my friend Jasmine hi I’m Pleased to meet you all I am Yuki's friend and we have been friends for 4 years 4 years wow you guys must Know a lot about each other By the way I have a question when did you meet by the way I would like to know well I was doing a race with some other kids and Jasmine asked if she could join and I tripped in the middle of the race and she helped me up and all the other kids left me cuz they want to win the race and she helped me and I thanked her and We became friends And look at us now Those kids were Sad when they figured out that she fell and that they didn't bother to help her and they were a bit angry at themselves and then I told them to stay away from her cuz if you don't be nice to her then just get out of here
And that is a true story you could just ask me her brother for 11 years And Yuki has favor to ask you guys I would like to know why you join the basketball team My name is Lev And I joined the basketball team cuz it was my passion and I liked it when I was a child so that's why I Joined the basketball team I am Tyga I joined the basketball team cuz my brother used to do it and he taught me how to do it and it kind of was fun for me and he taught me he's really cool tricks and he just made it way more funner and easier to learn so I was happy cuz he taught me a lot of things So that's why I joined the basketball team I am Liam and I joined the basketball team cuz I joined multiple other sports and they were just kind of boring to me and I just didn't do basketball so I tried it out basketball cuz I thought it would be fun and nice to join basketball and would be a nice passion to do cuz I haven't tried it yet and I tried it I was bad at the beginning very bad and five months later I started shooting and I was very good at defense so that's why I joined Hi my name is Lucas and I joined the basketball team cuz my story is kind of like Liam's I used to play soccer and then I got kicked out cuz I was very bad at it and I was very good at using my hands so I decided to join the basketball team I hated the fact that I was terrible at the beginning and I was bare8ly good at using the hands for shooting and it was just like that for a few months I don't know how much it was I don't remember and I met Duri and the others and they taught me a bit how to shoot and I'm here now I’m Rowan I joined the basketball team cuz I wanted to play it with Duri And the others plus they taught me a lot of new tricks that's our stories thank you for sharing your stories guys but we sould go to the restaurant yeah we sould go.
after they went to restaurant and celebrated man I’m stuffed same don’t blame ya time to go back home seriously it’s 5:00 PM you kidding man but it was nice meeting you all today I had so much fun with you guys I hope we can do this again sometime later yeah I will try to get some free time I’m off friday let me check yeah i’m off friday what about you guys i’m also off friday I think everyone is off yeah I think so to so we meet again friday after school ok sure why not can I invite Jasmine ummm sure why not I think it will be more fun the more the merrier when they all go home I’m home where were you? You said that you were going to a basketball game we had to two games you went to celebrate didn’t you SO YOU DIDN’T EVEN COME TO MY BASKETBALL GAME hey wait I’m sorry my boss didn’t let me come to it LEAVE ME ALONE ok I will sometime later hi welcome who did she bring now hey Rowan can we come in …..fine come in. why did you guys come well friends are always there for you right come on you know we are there in the right time you can say no but you know it’s true yeah I know it’s true but how did you know that i’m upset your mom told us oh ok well thank you guys for coming to comfort me I really appreciate it your always welcome Rowan.
Well bye see you guys friday at 7:00 AM bye see ya friday GOOD MORNING DURI AHHH WHAT THE HECK omg why so Early in the morning it’s 7:00 a.m. just go back to bed and that's a no cuz it's Friday stupid did you forget we have to go to Train for basketball with the others Oh my God but why so early in the morning it's literally 7:00 a.m. can you stop being annoying I'm not being annoying you are because you're out of bed and wash your freaking face and then we Gotta Go the basketball court for training I was ready to go to Tell mom she whoop Out of bed if you don't want that to happen then get out of bed and wash our face I have the most annoying sister in the world okay fine but just go get ready in then I will get ready right after you cuz I don't take 5 hours to get ready I don't take 5 hours to get ready for your information I don't okay but you do you with that messy hair look at it it's like a freaking tornado My hair is not a tornado talk about yours in the morning Can you just get dressed please we Gotta Go Fine just leave the room ok 30 minutes later Okay I'm done finally okay now let's go because I don't have time for this and waiting for you to get done I was done 10 minutes ago Is there a problem yeah we're 10 minutes late cuz of you You hate it so much there's the door Oh ok let's go She doesn't understand a single thing Don't forget it's from 7:00 till 1:00 pm At the basketball court hey Yuki hey Duri hi hey oh you guys are here Hello I got invied to help you guys train WHAT! Yup you do know that it is hard to do all of this by myself
After everyone got to the basketball court, Ok everyone listen up Yuki and Jasmine is going to tell you guys have to work on. Ok so Lev,Liam and Rowan have to work on offense Tyga,Lucas,,Jey and Duri have to work on defense ok get to work. After training for 6 hours You will be doing this training for 3 months. WHAT ONE DAY WAS ENOUGH Look around Yuki the courts floor IS FILLED WITH SWEAT AND IS NOT JUST THE FLOOR BUT ALSO US you wanna get better right ? Yeah but this intense TO intense Liam said then went to get his water yeah Tyga said gasping for air can you at least make it 4 hours fine you want 4 hours you will get 4 hoursTHANK YOU a bit of the pain is gone nice i guess you guys still have to do this for 3 months my legs are in so much pain see you guys tomorrow at 7:00 hey Yuki can I to you yeah give me a sec…. Ok what is it? You have a bruise on your head what no i don’t tell me are you getting bullied……. Y-yes but please don't tell Duri ok but I can help you how? After telling her his plan WHAT YOU WANT BE MY FAKE BOY- shhh you do know that Duri will kill you yes here it’s my number I’ll tell you the rest on text ok after they all went home hey hi so your plan is to be MY fake boyfriend yes that's my plan do you realize how Duri is going to kill you when he finds out that YOU are my boyfriend well fake boyfriend yes i do so how about you keep this a secret just between you and me huh even if we do don’t you think that he might find out? I don’t know how to answer that of course you don’t why would you huh oh right you don’t know anything! Can you stop being so mean NO i will meet you tomorrow at school ok fine see you tomorrow see you at school the next day so what do you say? I say that I don’t agree with any of this but I was forced to do this so ….I-I will be…your..your girl-friend ok a deal is a deal so you know if you tell Duri I will die so how about you not tell him please with whip cream and a cherry on top ugh fine I won't tell him thank you or you can tell him you just have to tell him why yeah he will still kill you either way hey whatcha talking about AHHHHH OMG WHAT ARE YOU A GHOST OMG LEV ? sorry Lev said in a sorry tone YOU BETTER BE what's with the mood I’m not a morning person oh that makes a lot of sense anyway Rowan Duri wants to see you why to be exact Rowan said with a nervous tone yeah why Yuki said worrying i don't know he didn’t say why well i'll go with him okay Lev said before he left do you think he found out no he wasn't in the room at the time you sure YES MY GOD just how am i not dead bro you're going to be fine

when I was three years old, I never really wanted to hang out with any kids in preschool. I never really socialized with them or wanted to play with them. I just wanted to do my own thing in the corner or draw/color quietly by myself the teacher always come up to me and try and get me to go play with the other kids, but I never did. when I was four my parents started fighting every single night. when I started kindergarten, I had no friends. My parents never really acknowledged my existence and my siblings were too cool to hang out with their five year-old brother. I was always the kids sitting on the ground counting grass or just staring off into space thinking about nothing when I was seven in second grade I was sent to the guidance office almost every single day because I did not know how to regulate my emotions, my mom never ever paid attention to me because she was always working. My dad wasn’t in the picture and my siblings were in high school and too busy. We didn’t really have any other family around. I remember one day and third grade getting off the bus and no one was home, I sat on the porch and waited for hours until the neighbor finally noticed and called my mom. she was at the bar drinking with her friends at 3 PM on a Monday fourth grade. I remember having a lockdown and we all thought it was a drill. The principal came over the speaker and cleared everything. The teacher opens the curtain and I just see my dad handcuffed getting put in a police car, when I was 12 and in middle school, my mom would just disappear for months at a time. I would come home from school do my homework watch tv alone in my room. The principal had noticed I never brought lunch from home or got lunch from school. The school psychologist ran some testing on me and determined I had an eating disorder. when I started high school things got worse I got a job all by myself working at a grocery store. I was so proud of myself and when I told my mom, I got a very weak good job. when I was 16 I came out to her as gay and she did not take it very well. She started screaming saying I’m never gonna be happy and I’m never gonna find anyone that I love. when I was 17 I met a boy that I had loved. He was three years older than me and we started dating. I still didn’t have any friends so I grew really attached to him. He was the only person that ever gave me attention or love. Eventually he got really sick of it and broke up with me. That has led to me right now sitting in the chipotle parking lot at 9 PM on a Tuesday alone, not knowing what I’m doing with my life. each day goes by and I just never know what I’m doing.

Am 21F , born and raised in Kenya , currently majoring in counseling/clinical psychology. Some back story ,
When I was choosing on what course to pursue in uni , I was a bit conflicted , I knew I always wanted to do a course that benefited my people and country(Somalia) as a whole so medicine was the only way as I couldn’t go be a soldier, am not brave enough to shoot lol.
My father decided It was going to be MBBS(bachelor of medicine and surgery)
Mind you ,I become light headed and nauseous at the sight of blood and most importantly I didn’t feel like it was my calling.
The turning point for me was , when I went to check the schools out before my admission. Mashallah I saw 100+ Somali girls/boys studying the same course I couldn’t be more proud. It felt familiar it felt easy for me to just join.
But then deep down I’ve always know I wanted to do pychology , I just didn’t know how to tell my parents.
I believe our country has experienced high rates of trauma ,stemming from the violence , misplacement and many other things .
Worst of all I researched and saw that the ratio of psychologists to the overall population is 0.0003% That’s like 50 qualified psychologists practicing and somalia is 18.7 million people ,
People who’ve lived thru wars , the amount of ,ptsd and panic disorder has to insanely high. Also depression , schizophrenia , mania , anxiety and psychosis .
This whole qabil extremism somehow stems from unresolved mental issues and hatred towards other qabil to the point of murdering each other.
I believe there’s a lot of unresolved generational traumas we suffer from . Keeping that in mind I chose to go ahead and do major in that as what other better way to contribute to my country and people. I believe we would be far ahead as a country if everyone healed from their traumas and other mental issues.
My father got super mad as of course the pay is clearly way less than it would be if I studied surgery. Then to make matters worse I told him I’d like to volunteer in Somalia even after I graduate and I wouldn’t charge for my services.
Well well , I started volunteering already while studying in my free time with kids and my heart breaks from all the sexual abuse cases I handle daily. The amount of anxiety these little kids have from being beaten by parents .
I often try to mediate and talk to parents on the negative effects shouting and beating kids has on not just mental development of children but also their social skills and how they will navigate in life later on but none of them take me seriously they believe there’s nothing like that.
Most of them believe that they turned out fine and they were beaten with way worse stuff and if u listen to them , u can tell they suffer from undiagnosed ptsd themselves.
How do I make people who don’t believe in mental health , start believing in it , they often tell me am just a kid who’s trying to teach the elders and apparently that’s disrespectful.
Just last week I had a 14 year come to me , she wouldn’t speak at first but after some sessions she started warming up to me and opened up about how her uncle sexually assaulted her when she was 11 . My heart dropped to my stomach ,
First am not qualified yet to handle a case of that caliber , second I can’t go report it as they would as for evidence and it’s been 3 years it would be her words against the uncles. After she told me not to tell her mom as her mom would beat her , I told her she wouldn’t, as I was afraid the uncle would do that again , only for her mom to tell me “ilmahena qurafaadka kaada “
Mind she’s the one who brought her to me because apparently her daughter has been quiet and distancing herself , after the local habaryars told her I was mediating between parents and kids all of a sudden am a qumayo
It’s so much but that’s the tip of the iceberg
What do I do. There’s only so much one can do
You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink.
Is it any better in somalia?
Am ok with trials and tribulations but I can’t let my father down more so after refusing to do his choice of course.

The stress of the last six months has nearly killed me. Besides the general cratering of the outside world—political strife, climate change, inflated rents, corporate greed, and the baffling resurgence of crew socks—my internal life was falling apart, too. I'm at the point where I can't see a way out of the darkness, and that feeling has only grown in the last few days.
My struggles ramped up exponentially in the last two weeks. It started when my long-term girlfriend and I called it quits after five years. There was no definitive relationship-altering fight or infidelity. It was simply the boring banality of the "roommate-ification" of our lives together. We both felt the shift but never talked about it. Turns out communication is important.
Truthfully, we'd stayed together for so long because we couldn't afford to live apart. Our rent had nearly doubled the last time we re-upped our lease but even that was a bargain compared to what was out there currently. We were trapped by our need to have a roof over our heads.
My job had stagnated, and I couldn't find anything better. I was stuck. Like me, she'd been job hunting as well. Unlike me, she had a master's, and her prospects should've been higher. They weren't. For five months, she applied to hundreds of jobs and couldn't break through. If she got a rejection email, it was a win. Most of the time, the companies never responded.
Finally, she found a great opportunity at a Fortune 500 company. It was an involved process. She nailed the five interviews, and her "test project" was well received. She was offered the position, and it came with a massive pay increase—double her current salary. I was proud of her—she needed a win. We celebrated with pizza and beer that night.
Two days later, she dropped the bomb that she was breaking things off. The relationship ending wasn't a surprise. The timing was. The discussion was brief, and there was zero chance of reconciliation. She declined when I asked if she could stay until the lease ended. Mentally, it would've been too much for her. Two days after that, she moved out, taking half the rent with her. I was stuck in a lease I couldn't afford on my salary for the next six months.
My free time evaporated as I took on two extra gigs to help make ends meet. In addition to my office nine to five, I drove for a delivery app on the weekends and took a part-time night job stocking shelves at a local grocery store. When I wasn't hustling for housing, I slept or ate. I did nothing beyond that. Nothing brings me joy. There is no spark.
This drudgery has become my daily routine, and it's killing me.
To help cover some cost gaps, I've started selling off some of my stuff online. It was just me here, and I decided that the Spartan lifestyle would have to work for now. Anything I could fetch a decent amount for went up for sale. My apartment is so empty now every noise causes an echo.
Before my shift at the grocery store, I agreed to meet someone who wanted to take a look at my kitchen table. It was a lovely table – my ex had obsessed over it – but I didn't see a need at the moment. Now that I was a bachelor, my TV trays became my default kitchen tables anyway. I wasn't planning on any dinner parties in the future anyway.
A couple showed up later than they said they would. It was a bored-looking guy and a fastidious young woman. She made friendly small talk as she looked over the table. Her boyfriend (I think) stayed quiet and played bodyguard. I gave him a friendly nod at one point, and he just looked away. She said they'd take it without trying to talk me down. I took the small win.
She asked if I could help carry it down to their truck. I was running late, but feeling helpful, even for a fleeting few seconds, was worth it. Her silent boyfriend and I hauled the table through the hallway and even managed to avoid hitting the walls the entire way down.
I placed it in their truck, got my money, and turned to leave. The girl said thanks, and the boyfriend finally returned the nod. I gave a weird half-wave to them both and started to walk away when I heard the passenger window being rolled down.
"Hey man," the boyfriend said, his voice higher pitched than I thought it would. "What was up with your brother giving us the evil eye in the lobby when we got here?"
I turned around, "Huh? I don't have a brother."
"A cousin then?"
"My family lives about a thousand miles away. What happened in the lobby?"
"A dude that looked just like you was hiding in a dark hallway in the lobby and staring at my girl's ass."
"Jacob, really," she said.
"I'm sorry that happened, but I had nothing to do with it. We do have the occasional homeless guy meander in. Maybe you saw one of them," I said. "Did he say or do anything bad?"
"Jacob, I asked you to not say something," the girl said, burying her head in her hands.
Jacob's frosty attitude to me made sense now. "He said something about running up that ass. I dunno, he was mumbling. I told him I'd beat his ass if he didn't stop staring. Seemed to shut him up."
"Oh. Well, congrats," I said. "I'll tell the manager. Thanks for letting me know."
"You should do a better job keeping jokers like that out of the building."
"Jacob, he's not a security guard."
"He should still be a man and protect his home."
"Have a good night," I said, ending the conversation and heading back up to my apartment. I had about five minutes to change and head out before I'd be late. Last thing my ego needed was to be fired from my backup job.
Thankfully, I was able to slip into work and not get spotted by my boss. That was the last of the good news, though. We had a massive weekly order come in, which meant I'd be there late, plus someone had called out. Worse, our hand truck had a flat tire, and I spent the next few hours torturing my muscles, schlepping heavy boxes around the store. I soldiered on, counting down the minutes until I left and fantasizing about going to bed for the night.
If wishing for sleep wasn't a sad statement to my mental well-being, nothing was.
I came home after my shift at the grocery store and plopped down on the couch. I had contemplated selling it, but it was an older Ikea number, and I didn't think the value would replace my desire to sit. I could feel my body sink into the cushions, and the day's tension seep out. I was beat and tired to the point that turning on the TV was a chore.
I picked up my phone and thought I'd doomscroll until sleep overtook me. I didn't expect it to be a long scroll, as even the methadone that is my phone has failed me lately. As I lowered myself from a slumped position to a supine one, I heard footsteps outside my apartment door. This was not unusual, but the noise I heard sounded like kid footsteps. That was unusual, as nobody on our floor had kids, and it was almost midnight.
Despite my body screaming at me to not move, my brain suggested I check it out. I rolled myself off the couch and eventually stood up. I listened again and heard the kid running down the hallway. I walked over to my door and looked out the peephole. I didn't see anyone.
"Maybe I'm dreaming," I said to myself. "Maybe I'm not staring out a peephole, expecting to see a kid running down the hall at midnight, but instead, I'm cuddled up in my bed, snoozing." I pinched my arm and felt the pain. I was definitely in the waking world.
I turned to head back to the couch when I heard the running again, this time louder. I opened my door and peeked out into the hallway. Nobody was there. The door from the apartment across me opened up, too. Gloria, a young at heart grandma who was friendly/constantly buzzed in a wine mom kind of way, gave me a once over.
"You heard that, too?" she asked.
"Kids?"
"No rugrats around. I assumed it was some drunk assholes stumbling home from the bar."
I laughed. Gloria was, as always, blunt. "I didn't see any assholes," I said.
"Then you're not watching the right kind of internet videos," she said with a wink and a hoarse cackle.
I blushed. How do you respond to that? I just kind of nodded in agreement and shrugged.
"Gotta get your jollies while you can," she said before adding, "You need some rest, dear. You look like hammered shit." She shut her door and went back inside.
She was right. I felt like hammered shit. Since I wasn't going to solve the case of the mysterious runner and was sure it wasn't some lost kid, I decided to call it a night. I went back inside, shut down the apartment, and crawled into bed.
I thought about watching one of the "right kind of internet videos" but fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.
***
"Your problem is you think the world owes you something."
John, my elderly coworker at the grocery store, was standing by while I unloaded a pallet of cereal. I liked John, and when I first started, we instantly clicked. He's quick with a joke and fun to talk to. He's also about thirty years older than me and speaks with the Boomer combination of accumulated wisdom, backhanded compliments, and fringe conspiracy nonsense. Still, regardless of how couched the kindness is in gobbledygook, he's usually coming from a good place.
"What?" I said, putting a box of Captain Crunch on the shelf.
"You're complaining about your situation, right? Saying it ain't fair. The world took a paddle to your hind quarters? Hey brother, that's the way the cookie crumbles. Gotta just pick yourself up and start over. You're smart enough – figured this job out right quick – you can do it."
The job was wheeling pallets around the store and stocking shelves. It wasn't much to figure out, but I understood his meaning. The other stuff wasn't necessary, though. "I'm just in a funk. I don't see a way forward."
"Hey, so you've bottomed out. No shame in that. Happens to us all. Silver lining, you can only go up," he said before adding, "Unless some other bad shit happens to you like your car dies or your apartment building burns down. But after that, it's only up."
"The apartment building burning down would be a blessing," I said, hoisting another little Captain on the shelf. "The rent is killing me."
"Have you tried negotiating a lower rent? They used to do that when I was your age."
"I think they'd evict me if I even asked."
"Hell, then you'd have at least thirty days, maybe forty, before they'd kick you out. Plenty of time to turn things around."
"Uh-huh," I said, "Any chance you could give me a hand here?"
"My back is screaming like a pretty young thing after prom," he said, holding his back for emphasis.
I didn't push. "Hey, I meant to tell you about some weird shit that happened the other night."
"Lay it on me. I love the strange."
"So, after my shift the other day, I got home around midnight and was flopped on the couch. I heard someone running down the hallway outside my apartment. I wasn't the only one. A few other neighbors heard it, too. When we checked, though, nobody was there."
"That ain't strange," John said, waving his hand, "that's a man who's plowing another man's wife running for his life."
I laughed. "That's not the weird part. So, for the next two nights, it's the same thing. Around midnight, someone runs down the hallway. Only this time, they're trying the door handles as they pass. So, I asked the front desk to check the security cameras, and they do."
"They see a man running away holding his clothes?"
"There wasn't anyone running down the hall," I said, "But the weird thing was, you could see the door handles turning on the video."
"Damn, that's a good one," John said, "You sure it wasn't just a camera glitch. These new ones from overseas aren't as reliable as they want you to think. Chinese probably using them to spy on you, too."
He continued as my brain tried to reconcile John's two opposing comments. "Weird shit happens at night, man. Before working here, I only worked the day shift. Even when they offered me more money to work nights, I turned it down. Even when they promised me a promotion, I turned them down."
In a previous life, John had worked as a paramedic. He came by it after serving in a medical unit in the army. He'd told me he loved the rush of the job, but after a while, the death and hurt in people's eyes got to be too much to handle. But he worked there for almost twenty years. So, the man had a tolerance for shenanigans and odd occurrences.
"Why'd you agree to work nights here?"
"Shit, we're home before the witching hour. This is like late afternoons, at best. But if it was overnights, hell no. Captain Crunch can anchor his own ship to the shelves. I'd take my ass to 7-11 for a day shift before agreeing to work an overnight."
"Something happen to you during the army?”
“I got the clap,” he offered.
I sighed. “What turned you off nights?"
"Oh. I heard enough stories from coworkers to know I didn't want to experience any of that hoo-doo shit," he said, "trying to save someone's life is hard enough without adding in demon kids and ghosts."
"Did your coworkers see demon kids?" I asked, moving on from the good Captain to the Trix rabbit.
He nodded, "They saw too much. I find it odd, even with all the surveillance we have now and all the science we know about these days, that the night still scares us. You ever know someone who worked a night shift?"
I had. My ex. During college, she worked the overnight desk at a hotel for a while. She quit because the job gave her bad vibes. I told John as much.
He pointed and laughed, "See! Don't you find it odd that every person who works at night always has a story of something eerie happening to them? Every person, buster. That's what they call an irrefutable fact."
"Maybe the ghost running down the hallway is an old employee still doing his rounds."
"In that case, keep that door double locked. I'd even wedge a towel under the door just in case."
"Maybe they're friendly? Casper-like in that way."
"You ever heard someone tell you about a friendly ghost outside the funny papers?"
"I'm sure it happens," I said, "The scary ghosts are more popular though."
“We think we know everything there is to know but we are just babes in the woods when it comes to night things.” John shook his head. "Imma tell you one or three things that happened to a guy I worked with back when I first got hired on to chase after corpses in the ambo. Guy's name was Gil. Quiet man, kept to himself. Didn't rock the boat or demand a bigger paddle. Just rowed with us. Good cat to learn under," John said, finally handing me a cereal box.
I took it, and he kept going, "Now, Gil, ya see, he had a little wifey that would pester him about working days. She was a cop and worked evenings at that time, so they never saw each other. When married people can't align their genitals every now and then, it spells doom."
"A little too much information but sure," I said, shelving another box of Trix.
"Probably part of what happened with you and yours," he said. He wasn't wrong, but that didn't mean I wanted to hear it.
John kept on, "Gil finally got approved to move to nights. Little pay boost and a happy, 'fulfilled' wife should've made that man happy. But it didn't. I saw him a few months later, and he had changed. He might've been quiet when he was working with me, but he'd talk to you if you engaged. When I saw him that time, though, oh boy. He looked sick."
"Wasn't a fan of working nights?"
"Wasn't a fan of living anymore is the feeling I got," John said, "After some prodding, he got to talking with me some. Told me he missed days because the nights were messing with him. I thought it had to do with the schedule change, but that wasn't the case. He said he saw things in the dark he couldn't explain. Things that would turn James Brown into James White, ya dig?"
"I...dig," I said.
"Told me they got a call to an abandoned apartment building one night, around three in the morning. Wasn't unusual. Old buildings in the city are where hop-heads congregate and share drugs. Sometimes, the drugs are too much. Sometimes, they find a person passed out or, worse, dead. When you work in the ambo, you aren't scared of death like a civilian. You've been around it. Probably seen a few folks take their last breaths. It doesn't bother you the way Mother Nature intended it should."
He handed me another box, continuing his assist streak, and kept going, "Ambo pulled up, Gil stepped out and looked for someone to talk to. Nobody there, though. Not uncommon. Some people want to help but not be involved. There's not a soul around. He calls out, but nothing comes back. Tells me he turns to get back in the ambulance when he hears a scream from inside the run-down building. They're calling for help. He's gotta go in the abandoned building in the dark."
"No thanks," I said.
"But it don't bother a medic like that. Gil's done a million of these calls. No big deal. He runs into that building but doesn't come back out until twenty minutes later. Just goes missing. After five, the crew heads in to back him up but can't find him. Gil tells me his crew called the cops. It was like he had vanished."
"What happened?"
"I asked him and he got real quiet. Said he fell into some place that looked like here but wasn't here. Said he felt their eyes on him. Judging him. Told me they followed him home and wouldn't leave him be."
"Who?"
John shrugged, "He didn't say. Shut down after that and left. Just walked past me like I was shit on the sidewalk. He quit about a week later. Heard he had a stroke a year later and was a tombstone owner three months after that. Good guy, though."
"Your aversion to overnights makes a little more sense."
"Never in a million years. You don't want something like that coming after you."
"In my case, could it get much worse?" I said with a half-smile.
"Man, I wouldn't even joke about that," he said, making the sign of the cross, "You don't want that shit attachin' itself to you. With your luck, you'd bring him in here, and it'd hop over to me. I can't have a ghost crimping my style."
After a bit, he got called away to sign off on a delivery. I finished out my shift and headed out to the parking lot. When I exited the building and spotted my car, I froze. My doors were all open, and the interior lights were on. Someone had broken in.
I glanced around the lot to see if the thief was still around, but there wasn't another person near me. I walked over to the car and peered inside. My glovebox had been ripped open, and my registration was pulled out, but nothing else was missing.
I found little hand prints in the dirt all along the body and the windows. I held mine up for comparison, and they were about half the size. It must've been some tweens or teens who did this. Maybe they were going to steal some things and got cold feet. I contemplated calling the cops, but since nothing had happened and they wouldn't do anything anyway, there was no reason to delay sleep any longer than I had to. I closed all the doors and climbed inside.
I started the car and heard something rattling in the AC vents. I pulled out my phone and shined the light at the vent. There was a small piece of paper inside. I looked around my car for some tool to pull it out and only found an ink pen and a bent-up paperclip. After McGuyvering the vent for a bit, the paper finally came out.
I held it up and unfolded it. There was a handwritten note. It simply read, "I know you're here. I know you're hiding him. I will find you both, and then it'll be your turn to run the race. We all have to run at some point."
I had no idea what that meant, but my body still provided goosebumps. Who was trying to find me? Who was the second person? Why leave a note in my AC vent? What the hell did run the race mean? I hadn't run a race since elementary school and wasn't planning to do so any time soon. Did they mean the rat race? Because I was basically marathoning that motherfucker already.
"Jesus Christ," I said, shaking my head. "What else, universe?"
As if it were a well-practiced comedy routine, the universe responded. My back passenger door swung open, and I heard footsteps running away from my car. I sprung up and scrambled to get out. There wasn't anyone else in the lot that I could see, but very clearly, someone had been hiding in my backseat.
My nerves were shot already, and this was not something I wanted to deal with at the moment. My brain decided that to avoid a breakdown, I needed to shift into automatic mode and just get back to the safety of my apartment. I'd be more prepared to deal with this – whatever it was – in the morning.
Either that or I'd jump in front of a bus. Both sounded satisfying, albeit in different ways.
***
"There he is," Gloria said as soon as I turned down the hallway. I looked up and noticed a small cabal of my neighbors standing in a semi-circle, waiting for me. They all look displeased.
"Hey guys," I said, confused. "I miss an invite for a block party?"
"What do you have to say for yourself?"
"About?"
"Don't play dumb," another neighbor said, jabbing their finger in my direction.
"I'm not playing," I said, realizing the self-burn only after the words escaped my lips.
Gloria showed me the screen on her phone. It was a static shot of her door from across the hall. She pressed play, and nothing happened for a beat until something darted across the screen. That was the whole thing. I looked up at her, my face twisted up in confusion.
"Well," she said, "What do you have to say?"
"What was that?" I asked.
"That was you!" the pointing neighbor said, pointing harder than I thought possible.
"What?" I said, laughing. "Are you all serious?" They didn't laugh, and I realized they weren't joking. "How can you even tell it's me? It's a blur. Never mind the fact I've been at work for the last five hours. Plus, this blur is half my size. I get we're all weirded out about the Phantom Runner, but it's not me. I swear to God. I don't even have the energy to think about running, let alone the physical desire to."
"Then explain this," Gloria said, slightly swaying from the half bottle of Pinot Noir coursing through her blood. She rewound the video and froze it on a specific frame. I couldn't believe my eyes, but I was looking at...me. Or, rather, something pretending to be me.
"What the fuck?" I said, my jaw dropping.
"Still think we're lying?" the pointer said smugly.
"No, but, guys, this isn't me. I... I've been at work. Wanna see my schedule?"
I reached into my phone and pulled it out. There was an email with my work schedule that confirmed what I was saying. They relaxed, and, for the first time, anger gave way to fear. Their very plausible explanation was suddenly invalid. It left two implausible answers floating in the ether: either I had a pint-sized doppelganger terrorizing the hallways of my apartment, or a ghost was haunting the building.
"I'm...gonna go inside," the pointer said, walking back to their home. Everyone else drifted away until it was just Gloria and I standing alone in the hallway.
She looked at me and sighed, "I feel like an asshole," she said. "Sorry I accused you of causing the racket."
"If I had seen the video, I would've thought the same thing," I said. "We're good."
"What do you think it is?" she asked.
I shrugged and let out an exhausted sigh. "Honestly, Gloria, I've had a screwed-up night already, and this is the cherry on top of the shit sundae; forgive my language. I don't have the mental bandwidth to even comprehend what's on the video at the moment."
"Think it's after you?" she asked, though I suspected the wine had forced her to put that idea out into the universe. As I had already seen, the universe seemed to take requests on my behalf.
"Maybe it's after you?" I said, coming off a little meaner than I intended, but I didn't care. I left her there to contemplate that scenario and went into my apartment.
As soon as the door shut behind me, I felt on edge. Just because I didn't have the mental bandwidth to discuss the doppelganger didn't mean it wasn't dominating my thoughts. I saw the frame of the video. The damn ghost looked exactly like me. What could that possibly mean? I know I had wished for death, but I was very still alive. I had rent due to prove that.
Did I happen to live in a place haunted by a ghost that looked strikingly like me? Was it some kid with a passing resemblance just causing chaos? Was it something else I couldn't even comprehend – an alien? A clone? A secret government project?
There was a thumping coming from the hallway. The mini Usain Bolt was at it again. I knew the neighbors would ignore it. Since they had all thought it was me, which was proven to be untrue, they would avoid the running man from now on. While curious and confused by the creature, they'd never put themselves in harm's way to discover what it was. They were not a brave lot.
Neither was I, but maybe my life crumbling around me had forced my hand. I walked over to my door and swung it open. I hit record on my phone, stuck it out like a periscope, and glanced around the hallway. Nobody was there. No neighbors were looking. No person was running.
"You gotta stop, man. I need to go to sleep," I said to the empty space. No response, not that I was expecting one.
I turned to walk back in, and I caught something out of the corner of my eye. A face at the end of the hallway peeked around the corner. For a quick second, we locked eyes, and it was like I was looking into a mirror. This thing was me. But...how?
I tried to get it on video, but it ducked back into the shadows. I took that as a cue to shut and lock my door. My heart was racing, and I didn't want to think about this anymore, but I couldn't help it. There was a me in the hallway who enjoyed pestering my neighbors. Worse, they liked to run for some ungodly reason.
I put my phone on the counter, the video still rolling, when there was a knock at my door. It echoed in my near-empty apartment. I tried to ignore it and convince myself it was something else, but it wasn't. The ghost was knocking on my door. Even with my brain paralyzed, I couldn't help but think that it was awfully polite to knock.
Another knock, this one more forceful. I wondered if the neighbors thought I was making this up?
"I know you're in there," a voice said. It sounded just like me. "This is about the race. We all have to run the race. It's your turn now."
I froze. My legs went wobbly like a boxer on the brink of a blackout, but I stayed tall. I opened my mouth to speak and found the words dying in my throat. I grabbed a nearby bottle of water and took a chug.
"We all have to run the race."
"What race?" I choked out, "What are you talking about?"
"Open up. They're in there already, and I need to get them."
I glanced all around my empty apartment. I didn't see anyone else in here. I didn't hear anything. Whatever this thing was, it was lying. I grabbed my phone and held it in my hand. I wanted to document this to prove that I wasn't crazy.
“Did you leave the note?”
“I know they’re in there with you,” it repeated.
"There's no one in here," I said.
"They're hiding. I think I know where. I can hear them."
"You've gotta get out of here," I said. "There's nothing here, and you're scaring people."
"I'm scared, and you should be! You have to run the race, man! Open up, and I can show you."
The handle started to shake. I peered through the keyhole and only saw the top of the other me's head. They began to shoulder the door, and it crunched against my nose. I screamed out in pain and stumbled back. I tripped over my feet and landed hard on my ass.
The thing slammed into the door two more times, shaking the walls. The strength seemed unnatural. On the third hit, the door burst open. I finally got a view of the thing. It was me. Scaled down by half, but it was me. We both seemed shocked.
"You're so much taller up close," the other me said.
"Who the fuck are you?"
I felt a buzzing in my feet that seemed to climb up my body until it reached my brain. There was an intense pain that rippled through the folds of my mind. Through the pain, I could hear a disembodied voice whisper, "We all must run the race. We all have to run. Chase it. Chase yourself." It felt like my skull was going to split in two. I clutched the sides of my head and let out a primal scream that hurt my own ears.
Then it was gone. But I could still feel the echoes in my mind. "We all have to run the race. We all have to run." The thought would waver between making no sense and making complete sense. One second, I was questioning what was happening to my mind, and the next, all I felt was the desire to continue the race.
"There he is!" the other me yelled, pointing at the hallway.
I glanced over and saw another version of me standing in the hallway. It was half the size of the other me that had broken into my place. When tiny me locked eyes with my intruder, he ran for the open hallway closet.
The other me followed, screaming that it would catch the little bastard if it was the last thing he'd do. I pushed myself up to my feet and felt queasy. I watched as the other me ran head-first into the closet without slowing. I expected to hear a loud thump as it hit the back wall but none came.
"We all have to run the race," the voice in my head said, soothing my nerves. "It's your time to run the race."
I moved down the hallway, each footfall echoing loudly in the empty apartment, each step bringing me closer to the closet door. Something was drawing me there. The voice's words echoed in my mind as well: "We all have to run the race. It's your turn now."
I grabbed the door and stopped. Something was compelling me to move forward. To go into the closet. To chase myself. To run the race.
"No," I whispered and yanked my hand from the door. I pulled out my still recording phone, and stared into the camera. My face was devoid of color, and you could see the fear etched into me. "I'm freaking out because...because…"
I stopped. I felt an invisible hand grab my body and tug. "Because...because if I don't run the race, something bad will happen. I have to chase it. I...I have to."
My phone dropped from my hand, and I didn’t care. The force pulling me forward stopped but my body kept going. I could feel the last strands of my rational mind splintering. My thoughts became focused on one thing: I had to catch myself, find out what was happening, and run the race. If I ran, maybe I'd win.
I needed a win.
I walked into the back of the closet and felt a door handle sticking out of the wall. I'd been in that closet a million times before and never had seen this. But a sense of calm washed over me. This….this was supposed to be here. This was perfectly fine.
I turned the handle and pulled open the invisible door. In front of me was a hallway that looked strikingly like the one outside my apartment. At the end of the hallway, I saw Gloria step out of their home to leave for the night. She was huge. Twice my size, easy.
Another door opened, and I saw...me—a giant version of me. The Hulk version of me was getting ready to go to the grocery store for work. I watched as the giant Gloria and giant me joked and laughed. I was stunned.
I stared, and a new thought came to me. I have to find the smaller me and talk to it. I needed to find out if there's a way out of this...this….
"It's your turn to run," the voice said.
Calm embraced me. "It's my turn to run," I repeated. As the giant me took off and the giant Gloria re-entered her apartment, the hallway beckoned.
"We all have to run the race," I said softly, "It's my turn now."
I started running.

My name is Luyan, I was born in April 1970, in the village of Qingtaipao, Jinzhou City, China. My father was an electrical technician in a nearby brick factory. Mom was a farmer.
One day in September 1971, A guest came to our home, whom my father called Old Brother Liu from Shenyang (1). Dad said to mom: “Troupe Leader Liu knows physiognomy, and I want him to have a look our Luyan." Mom was impatient. Dad added: "Troupe Leader Liu is not a stranger, you should be more enthusiastic! he said, ‘He should not have Luyan seen him, otherwise it won't work'.” Mom and Dad went out of the bedroom. The three of them were whispering in the kitchen. Troupe Leader Liu asked about my birth date.
https://preview.redd.it/pqfqha639v1d1.jpg?width=1528&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=25c81882fd0189d4814c5f6975993f188cd287ec
Note 1, at this time, he was the deputy chief of the Northeast Military Region's Cultural Troupe, about 40 years old, a division officer. He is commonly referred to in this book as Troupe Leader Liu. Before and after this story, I couldn't hear his voice. He spoke in ancient Han; I heard what they were doing from my father's explanation to my mother.

2

Troupe Leader Liu said he wanted to see me and wrinkled the curtain between the kitchen and the bedroom. I didn't see him. Dad explained to mom what he said, "That wantonness he's sitting on, the high beam nose to forehead, is a monk's fate, no marriage life."
"What does that mean, no marriage? He can't get married for the rest of his life?" Mom asked.
After dad inquired with Troupe Leader Liu, explained to mom: "It is possible to get married, but the marriage is not happy or long-lasting."
Mom got upset after hearing that and came inside. My dad and Troupe Leader Liu were talking outside. After a while, Dad came into the bedroom and said to mom, "Why did you just leave!"
Mom replied: "He's godly! Who believes that nowadays."
Dad said: "People can see that, and you're not happy to hear it! He also told me that he was just speaking straight from his heart according to what the ancient books say, just directly speaking what he deemed truth. You shouldn’t be like that! If you don't believe, it's okay to just listen! You come out and talk together!"
Mom followed Dad out, asking as she walked: "What is it again?"
In the kitchen, Dad said to Mom: "Troupe Leader Liu said that his eldest daughter, Jianjun Liu (Eve Liu), is a sky fate (Goddess fate), gifted and smart, but also has a destined bad marriage life. He wants to betroth her to our Luyan; says the two are quite compatible. By tying them together as a pair, both of their bad marriage destinies will be broken."
Mom replied: "Look at his appearance! What can his daughter look like!"
Dad said: "That's just saying, his family is well off. Besides, his appearance is not good, his wife might be pretty!"
Mom said: "His family is doing well now. In this society, twenty years later, who knows what will happen!"
Dad said: "It's not good to refuse someone's offer. Besides, this is just a saying, in the future, the two children will become a couple or not, is the matter of the two of them. Now, we are trying to break Luyan’s bad marriage fate!"

3 Blindfolding

A little later, Dad and Troupe Leader Liu returned to the kitchen. Troupe Leader Liu said, "If I'm right, the boy will cry as soon as he sees me; however, he can only see me this one time."
Mom was in the back, and when she heard that, said, "There's that! Let's try it then! It won't hurt to see him once anyway."
They arranged the subsequent experiment in a whisper. Troupe Leader Liu added, “Then I'll blindfold him.”
Dad and mom both said they didn't understand.
Troupe Leader Liu said, “Oops! I just remembered that I can't let him see me again in the future!” After thinking for a while, he added, “It's okay! I'll arrange for someone to uncover the blindfold later.”
Mom said unhappily, "Why it doesn't matter!"
Dad smiled and said, "We don't understand, but if Troupe Leader Liu said it doesn't matter, then it doesn't matter!"
At that time, I was sitting on the bed in the bedroom; a man came in and walked straight into the inner room. Soon I forgot about it. Suddenly, he came out and walked directly toward me face to face, his face bloodless and expressionless. My mind exploded at the sight, before I could react. He floated back to the center of the house floor, and quickly turned toward the kitchen and out. Frightened, I crawled desperately toward the southeast of the bed, howling!
https://preview.redd.it/pdjyyt889v1d1.jpg?width=2024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=163f3f013bc9ef146f5f8b8976698efdde776532
Note 3, this paragraph describes the first step of the “Flesh Eye Through”: He approached me quickly, and as I watched, I felt as if the camera lens were focusing quickly, and my head felt as if it were going to explode. The shock caused me to fall in “children neurodevelopmental disorder”. One symptom of this disorder is visual impairment, which the ancients said blindfolded the eyes. The process of Revelation is in section 2.8; chapter 3 discussed more about the process of making “Flesh Eye Through”. Illustrations 1-3, left, are of ancient Mexican origin and represent the third step of the Flesh Eye Through practice, which Huitzilopochtli is lecturing to his godson. Figure 2 shows Tlaloc, whose eyes, in author my own opinion, are the ancient Mexican description of "non-dazzle" feature of the eyes. Figure 3 is a bronze mask unearthed at Sanxingdui in China, in author my own opinion, that is a description of the eyes of the “Flesh Eye Through” as “touching eyes”, i.e., the person who sees it may have the feeling of "being touched”, "being electrocuted".

In the kitchen, mom was surprised and said: "Oops! Really crying! What to do!"
Dad said, "We agreed, you go in and comfort him!"
Mom ran into the house and shouted, "What's wrong? What's wrong?"
I crawled to the edge of the bed and hugged mom, crying. Dad also came in.
Mom said angrily, "He was scared! We were both away and suddenly he saw a stranger. Look! Oh! My God! His hairs are standing on end! He scared the kid!"
Dad said, "Troupe Leader Liu asked you to ask."
Mom asked, "What? Ah! What's wrong? Tell mom, what's going on?"
I just, “Woo, woo!” gesticulated and couldn't speak.
Mom muttered angrily, "Just scared! This can't even speak anymore!” Mom stroked my head, and continually said, “All right! Ok! Tell mom, what did you see?”
I replied, "Man! Woo! Woo!”, gesturing with my hands.
Mom said to me, "Ah! A man came in and then went out again. It's okay, your dad and I know about it!"

4 Marriage Contract is sealed.

Dad went to the kitchen, came back a while later, and said to mom, "Troupe Leader Liu went out and asked us to discuss the two children's affairs."
Mom said, "Like you said, it's not a big deal. How much does he want?"
https://preview.redd.it/6c0t36wc9v1d1.jpg?width=500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=283bf64e30a17faa985b77f22065644d37549c29
Dad said, “He didn't say anything about money! It isn’t about money, is it?”
Mom said, "It's better to ask."
The three of them were talking in the kitchen. Troupe Leader Liu said, "Then the marriage is settled! There's no need for any money. This matter also concerns my girl! It's also my business, so I'll make the law (do the magic)."
Dad asked, "What should we do then?"
Troupe Leader Liu said, "I'll tell you later. While you were discussing this matter, I did something outside. Now, half of their Fates have been broken. The rest of the “Making Laws” (western similar words: to do magic) will be done outside somewhere in the future, might not in your house."
Dad said, "It's great that little Luyan will be able to get married in the future! Good Job! It’s all thanks to big brother's hard work!”

5 Vision Test

Some days later, my dad had just returned from work and was talking to my mom. The bedroom opening in my house is about 6.5 meters by 3.3 meters; however, I was surrounded by white fog and couldn't see them. Mom said: "Eve Liu gives gift to Luyan! Quickly let him have a look!”.
https://preview.redd.it/luq5sicg9v1d1.jpg?width=300&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=be6924f7c175eb6dcef80cd756888c002907a3f4
When I crawled very close to my dad, saw the two toys he brought back: a yellow plastic gyro and a red ornate stick with spots of various colors. As I recall now, at that time, I could see a place 0.5m away and 0.9m in diameter, surrounded by white fog (note 5, this is a symptom of children neurodevelopmental disorder). I could only see half the width of my dad's body, not my mom. It is now estimated that I can't be more than 1.4m away from mom.
Mom said to Dad, "Looks like the kid has an eye problem! Getting down that close to see!"

6 Eve Liu

Another day, I was sitting on the bed in our bedroom, and my father said to my mother with a smile, “The other guy, that who, went to Shenyang and saw the Troupe Leader Liu. His family is doing well. I even asked him about his big girl (i.e., Eve Liu). How old is she!? She runs around, is not afraid of strangers, talks to people when she sees them, recites poems, sings songs, and can-do arithmetic within 100.”
Mom replied, “You still remember! She goes to a daycare center or kindergarten! I've heard that's where people are taught. What does that kid look like?”
Dad replied, "That I didn't ask."
Mom laughed and said, “You hid it from me!" Turning to me and said, "This little man, has a wife in the big city. In the future, after we go to school, we'll study hard and be better than her, we look down her! We're not going to climb up that high branch!”
Dad said, “Why don't you know? I couldn't ask. All he said was that the little girl was so smart, not afraid of strangers, and ran around the front and back yards. Such a little girl! Who can say she looks ugly!?”
Mom went into the inner room and stopped talking. At that time, I really wanted to listen. Mom noticed and said to Dad, “Little Luyan probably understands this! As soon as we talked Eve Liu, he stared and concentrated, listening very carefully!"
It seems that by this time, my eyesight had returned to near normal.
The End

My mother has told me many times that if I had been born a girl, she would have locked me in our house, rarely letting me go out and never for fun.
My access to phone and internet would have been highly limited, implying she would have constantly checked my online chats to confirm I wasn't talking to any boys.
She envisions that if she had given birth to a daughter, she would have married her off as soon as she reached the age of 14.
She had a conversation with my father about this hypothetical situation in which I'm born as a female, to which my father replied that it's okay for our son to go out adventuring with his friends and be socially active, but if he had really been born as a girl, I would have beaten her every single day.
She never tolerates me cracking open the origins and roots of her misogynistic ideas. Only once did she get curious enough to seek if I'm telling her the truth about direct statements from Quran and Hadiths or not, so she asked my dad if Islam really views women the way I had described (as a lesser gender and subordinate to the superior gender - man). My dad, calmly, with absolute faith in how the world works, confirmed it all, saying that it's just how God has made it so, that we can't alter God's supreme authority. My mom, now conscious of what is what, protested that man and woman must be equals, that she cannot accept this Islamic teaching.
However, she soon reverted back to ignorance; the foundation is too deep for her to be released from it, and her mental capacity and psychological tolerance for a radical shift in her Reality is too low. She might lose her mind if she were to question her Din/Deen/Religion the way I do.

Over all there isn’t a huge problem and didn’t have it at all with my last SD. My boy is very good in public. He is very observant.
When something excites or scares or upsets my boy. We work through it. Then or later depending on many variables. Like at first he was afraid of garbage bags… every time I opened one up it scared him. But now he just looks board when I do it. He recovers pretty quickly.
This one stumped me a bit. We were in my truck. By ourselves. All of a sudden Kai let out a Huge protective bark. (Mom I see a monster)
I looked around and at quite a distance guessing 1/4-1/2 mile way way on the other side of a very big pretty full parking lot there was a construction site, Fenced off. That was where the monster that had him all upset . It was a back hoe or some sort of digging machine. I calmed him down, thanked him for letting me know and protecting me. Told him that monster wasn’t going to get us and we were safe.
Ideas, suggestions? Please be kind and helpful.

I’m a stay at home mom of two baby boys. Married 3 years & dated 6 months prior to marriage & got pregnant a couple of months before getting married.
I’m going to get shit for all my bad decision-making here.
I prayed (out loud) for a man that would meet all this criteria and one month later met my husband. He met all the criteria of my prayer so no matter what bad things happened, I thought God had this purposed for me. I mean like a checklist of 10-20 items all checked off. I was vedy devout in my faith. But, now looking back I feel like maybe it wasn’t God who answered my prayer. Maybe this was like a time in the book of Job where God let Satan attack Job and take everything away from him. I don’t know. Oddly enough, the man that became my husband said he prayed for this, too, one month prior.
He love-bombed me. He devalued me. Later, he threatened to leave me (but never has). While we were dating, when I was pregnant, when we were engaged. He called escorts behind my back. I find out he had sexual relations with a woman in his apartment complex one week before we started dating - he told me three years into our marriage. Before we dated, he also had a two year affair with a married woman (whose husband to this day has no idea about it.) He was meeting her and texting her behind my back 2 weeks into us being officially dating exclusively. I find out because he got arrested and I went to pick up his things on his person at the jail. I guess his passcode in one try and there I see the truth. He lied about this woman - he said she was a best friend with no I love yous and no sexual relations. He even asked me if it was okay to be friends with her and I asked him those two questions. He lied and the proof was right there. We were fairly new so I didn’t read too many texts. I spent one hour on his phone at most and handling a panic attack in between.
I read where he texted escorts, too, and read two other relationships he had while seeing this married woman. My mind was blown. I was done. I screenshoted some evidence for my personal keepsake. I texted the married woman because their I love you was so recent. I told her what happened and said to go get him out of jail because I was done. She blew up my phone with texts. She wanted to know who I was and she wanted to share all the creepy details about this man. She claimed they only had sex twice and it was rape - bullshit. She also said a lot of other things like she knew when he bought me a coffee and knew when he went to the city to meet his friends. She said he said that they could still have sex while he was seeing me. He denied it and said it was the other way around.
When he got out of jail, he contacted me and sent me a video. She texted me to show me he sent her a video, too. Same shirt, same scenery and all filmed back after back. He told her how much he cared about her but he was letting her go. He came to meet me because I took his dog to care after her while he was in jail. He talked me into giving him one more chance. I moved into his apartment to get away from a situation at home. I fell for him hard and believed I was in love. We texted and talked all the time and when we were able, we were together. I went on a trip for a week withoht him to California. I got back and the sheets were washed. He said he did that for me so I can come home to clean sheets. Later over the course of our relationship I noticed he never much stepped up to do the laundry. A lot of chores started falling on me. Before even being married he expected me to coean his whole apartment which seemed to have never been touched once with any cleaning.
We were fighting a lot and I saw some of his anger but I thought he was just frustrated with things he was dealing with in his life. He got sort of pushy with me having intercourse with him at times I told him I didn’t want to because I wanted to wait. That made him angry. I find out that he had been FaceTiming escorts from the first weeks we started dating and found at least one call every month up to the week we were suppose to get married. I was shocked! I had no idea and I couldn’t believe it. We had intercourse so much that he wouldn’t need that so I thought. He said it was like porn to him and he had that habit from before he met me. Keep in mind, I’m religious so I was abstinent most of my life and these red flags weren’t so obvious to me. I thought most men were dogs like this. The biggest factor that blew my mind (of which he explained away) was that these escorts weren’t typical - they were transgender women and some still had their boy parts. After talking with someone who I thought was like a mom to me(I find oht later she wasn’t for me), I went through with the wedding, and besides, I was having his baby.
We moved states. I noticed a lot of verbal abuse starting from typically the night time as we shared a bed. He would cuss at me a lot and get so angry. It was almost every night. I was surprised - thinking who is this guy. He made me cry a lot. It was so stupid, I got screamed at just for rolling over in my sleep. He explained this away later after the problem got better. I began feeling like I made a mistake in marrying him. I was so scared at the same time because this was my first pregnancy. I feared so much about the “what ifs” and what world this baby was coming into.
The abuse got worse. It got physcial from time-to-time. He says I was abusive back but I feel like it was reactive abuse because it became too much for me. I would hit him back. It ate at my mind every day and I had all these hormones because I was going to have a baby soon. When pregnant, he has pushed me, held me down, jumped on me with his hands around my neck. He said things that were horrible like he would walk away from this son like he did his first son (he had a son from an earlier relationship which he had nothing to do with). Fear overcame me and some days I thought ending my life was the only way to escape my life and prevent a nightmare for my son. (These feelings relented later in time.)
One time he held up furniture above his head and he was ready to throw it at my head - I believe this was right after our son was born. We argued a lot because my mistrust in him because what I mentioned I discovered earlier. I wanted him to assure me he was trustworthy so sometimes I asked for his phone. Doing that resulted many times in violence and rage. When he had that furniture held up, I felt like he was going to end me right then and there. He stopped himself and I asked him why. He said because he saw the fear in my eyes.
We fought and made up A LOT. That was our relationship and me asking him where he has been or was he with someone. It was terrible for both of us. I discover later that he lied about a lot of things. I didn’t even know he didn’t have a drivers license until about 1-2 years into our marriage. I didn’t know the pictures of his boy parts I found once while dating were to the escorts. I asked him approximately a thousand times. He doesn’t just lie - he tells a story with details and the whole thing is a lie.
I use to check his phone and browser history because it was never ending place of discovery. I never got confessions out of him but I did get evidence that he thought he hid. He must have gotten better at hiding things because I would find less and less. I got to a point where I don’t check anymore - I know and it’s a damn headache to live like that. All the time he did these things, he swore his love for me. He said I was everything.
I discovered again a lie the first time he went to Miami last year (his first time away from me.) He took advantage and called at least ten eacorts and almost met up with one (or did. I don’t know. There’s no money spent but he lied and said the last escort called was his co-worker. I may never know what happened but his coworkers got weird around me after that trip. They won’t look me in the eye.) I didn’t know all this until December last year where I asked him for his T-Mobile password. He didn’t think I would find this when giving me the password.
I saw a text after that trip and found out he lied. He was awake at 2:00PM after he told me he went to bed on the phone. He told me how he missed me SOOO much. He said he tried putting his arm around me in bed to realize I was not there. We FOUGHT over the phone. He didn’t want me to see the rest of the texts between him and his coworker. He left bruises on my arms pushing and shoving me with all his strength. He overpowered me and I never saw the messages. He said he was hiding the fact ge did cocaine. I lost control because I pulled a knife out at him. Not to hurt him but to intimidate him. (I never lost it like this again -he ALWAYS uses this against me to say I’m the abusive one.)
December he admitted the elaborate cocaine story he gave me was a LIE. He said he did do cocaine but not how he told me. The real thing he was hiding was the escorts. At that time, I find out he kissed a coworker (maybe more but nobody will tell me anything.) Another girl told me he was always flirting with new hires. After I find this out from these girls, he put two holes in the walls and broke the doors at the apartment that was in my name. He also bought me $200 roses and a new marriage ring fo Christmas along with other nice gifts. He even goes to therapy to get better at his lying problem (which he only did for about 3 sessions.) He swore this was the last time I would EVER have this happen to me. He swore he loved me and our family. My second baby was born February after ALL of that.
November, my mom died and left me money. I find all that out after I put money on a house for us - Our first house. I made sure we were good. I made sure my baby had everything he could need. I didn’t even buy myself a new car (backstory I lost my good credit, my 2020 car and had one eviction in this marriage. I was almost $30,000 in debt after all of that. My husband made his bad credit good and how we got the house, too. He still has his car and no evictions on his name. We paid over $5,000 for his traffic tickets and court fees plus his debts.)
I could have left then but I was vulnerable because I was having another baby in two months.I feared all the time because I couldn’t get a job or keep one being pregnant and I worried about having one after because I wouldn’t make enough with him and me working would put us at a negative income. I tried building this website but I have yet to get sales. I knew I needed to get out but one last things I feared was breaking up my marriage. I thought he could get better for all his problems.
His anger reared its head again this past month. I found a book titled “Why did he do that.” My husband fits a lot of those examples of abusers. The book said the nice guy is the mask.
This time when he got angry, he said it was my fault he cheated on me. He said it’s a woman’s fault if a man cheats. He said that women need to keep a man happy. He said he had depression caused by me which he never mentioned before. He always said I made him happier than he ever has been in his life. I didn’t know about the cheating just like I didn’t know about the cause. He endlessly lied to me.
I went to his work and asked his boss about the girl he kissed. He is still lying. He said he told his boss what happened. His boss said they both said nothing when they came in for questioning. My husband got the word out and it turned into drama when those girls texted me.
My husband is two people. Dr. Jekell and Mr. Hyde. I just learned recently he has been reading my journals on my phone and texts between my sister. He read my reddit posts. He lied about this and kept it to himself. I feel like he may have planned trapping me in my marriage so I would have nothing. I feel like he is stalking me, too. I have 30K left locked up in a CD - he wants that when its available to pay off the credit cards in his name. We both spend on those cards for food and needs. I want to keep it as my nest just in case. He scares me sometimes. I feel like he may charm a judge when we fight for custody if I leave. I’m scared he will bring up the knife incident and the baker act (I was bakeracted last year when 5 months pregnant- he said he would cut me off financially and have me and our unborn baby fend for ourselves. I panicked and he was being a monster. I said he was hurting me and he said he didn’t care.) I told a cop I wanted to hurt myself but I wasn’t suicidal - I just feared my husband and wanted to get away from him. It was impulsive and I regretted saying it immediately. He was messing with my mind - he fake called the cops. Never dialed but acted out a conversation. I called right after.
I fear him. He is looking like a pscychopath to me or narcist - he pal ed his whole marriage and family around abuse and lies. He admitted to lying to keep me from leaving him on a few occassions. He would act like a little innocent and hurt boy. I could never see the abuser when he switched.
Would you be scared, too? I feel like no matter what I will never be free from him. My husband has once told me nobody will believe me. Everyone thinks I’m crazy - he said this right after convincing the cops that. (Time where he bent the truth to make it funny - the cops were sold.)