Accelerated reader practice tests

I'm a 15-year veteran web designedeveloper and I've been specializing in accessibility for the last 5, both remediation and initial development/design, etc.
I had a meeting with a client to work in a sort of long-term contract freelance kind of job. They already have a development and design team but they don't know about accessibility, so they need someone to work exclusively the development and design work that is related to accessibility.
Their projects are mainly on Wordpress and other CMSs. Accessibility is pretty much agnostic when it comes to technology. It is basically following a set of guidelines and practices, mainly in the UX/UI and HTML domains, related to semantics and usability. It helps to know a bit of JavaScript and basic programming to deal with custom widgets to make them accessible, but it all relates to the "visual" side of things more than the logical/data processing/mathematical side of programming.
I had a great interview with the CEO that turned more into a very pleasant and free-flowing conversation about accessibility and how it could be implemented on their projects. I also told her about the several other accessibility-related projects I worked on in the last few years and answered all her doubts about accessibility work in general.
We finished the conversation with honest smiles and excitement (you guys know what I'm talking about, when everything seems to click perfectly and you think "I'm so hired"). She just clarified that as routinary practice they had an AI bot that writes code tests so she asked me to do one "if I didn't mind" which of course I didn't.
Turns out the test had NOTHING to do with accessibility but with advanced wordpress plugin development and the heavy side of JavaScript logic, data processing, user management, promises, that sort of stuff.
I do understand that a "regular" Front-End might need to know all that stuff to a T but not only is it not my area of expertise, it has literally ZERO to do with the work I was supposed to do for them right away, which was about accessibility auditing and bug remediation. Not only that but the "code questions" had a 2min time limit... WTF I have my attention span an anxiety issues but I'm not sure even a complete expert dev wouldn't freak out and mess it up under that pressure...
I stopped the test half-way and wrote her and email to tell her about this and explained how it was not related to the work I was supposed to do for them. The one for which the meeting she had with me 5 minutes ago proved that I was a perfect fit for.... I asked her for a test that might be more related to accessibility itself.
She thanked me for letting me know and said she was gonna "connect with her team and get back to me very soon"
Never heard from her again. It's been just 5 days, but in my experience all the other jobs/clients I landed, I landed them almost on the spot, so I don't think they have any intention of getting back to me.
I don't wanna write back and seem desperate. At the same time some folks usually recommend this.
What do you guys think?

I’ve been working with my therapist for four years and I’m nervous to tell him that I’m autistic. I haven’t told him yet that I went to be tested and got my results but we have been talking about neurodiversity a lot and he said he’s not trained to treat autism. I know he can choose to not see me for any reasonable reason, but I guess I find myself thinking that with such a high percentage of neurodiversity in the world, there are probably plenty of therapists who work with autistic people who aren’t specifically trained in it. Would it be ethical for him to discharge me if I’m autistic? He is not a new therapist at all, he’s been in private practice for twenty years.

Okay, so my very first one was just a trial. I didn't even cover all the topics, and gave it a shot as practice. I missed my second one by a margin when I 'thought I was ready'. And here I am, out of the test center right after taking my third one, and I feel like I failed fucking big time. I feel like the questions were clearly worded but twisted somehow, making you second guess on majority of materials. ethics esp pounded me really hard. I was pretty confident since I was scoring 70–90 in ethics. Just a rant after my exam- hoping everyone did well or feeling the same.GL everyone

My roommate is from overseas and needs help studying for his permit test here. I remember there was a really, really good app for the AL Permit test I had when I was younger that had the exact questions that were on the test, but I can’t find it anymore. Any ideas?

Hey! Are you new to the world of biochemistry or biology? Are you feeling intimidated by an upper level biology class? Maybe you want a head start on preparing for O-chem? I'm here to help!
My name is Pesos, and I'm a recent graduate who is now looking to give back by offering low-cost tutoring services. I only offer tutoring services for courses that I have personally made A's in and am confident explaining. All of my services are well-suited for Pre-Med, Pre-PA, or Pre-Pharmacy students who are interested in maximizing their chances of earning A's. I am building lesson plans to help students understand and master the concepts that are tested in the following courses:

Principles of Biochemistry
Biochem I / II
Microbiology
O-chem I / II
Anatomy / Physiology
Animal Physiology
Neuroscience I / II
Psychology I

During our lessons you can expect to learn course-specific problem solving skills, studying advice, and test-taking tips. You'll solve practice problems that mimic the ones you'll see in class.
I'm currently starting rates at $20/ hour with. DM me if you are interested in learning more!

I'm 31 years old so I've been out of school for a long time, plus when I was in school I really didn't care about math much at all. I've had a lot of family stuff, work, etc. and only started studying for the exam three weeks ago. I recommend studying for a longer time frame if you have it though.
I used this book http://www.wallace.ccfaculty.org/book/Beginning_and_Intermediate_Algebra.pdf
There are A LOT of practice problems. I wouldn't do all 40 questions on the page at the same time, but I would do 10, check my answers, and then go back and do the next 10.
One thing that really helped me was whenever I got a question wrong, I asked Chat GPT to solve the problem and ask it to show its process step by step, compare it to what I did, and see where I went wrong. Usually I was making the same type of repeated mistakes.
No one ever speaks about the reading, but something that is just like a basic test taking tip: don't read the passage first. Read the questions first and then scan for the information in the text. Saves a lot of time. The reading was actually harder than what I expected, but still completely manageable. I found that the practice websites didn't adequately prepare me for the reading - the sample questions were too easy.
Alright, well that's just a few things I learned along the way. Wishing you all the best.

I know that there are 6 practice tests on the college board website, but where do people find more. I don’t want to do practice tests made by a random website.
I found a really helpful reddit post that will help me for the SAT, and I am going to do a lot of Khan academy, practice tests, and personal studying. I want to get into a program, and you can post an SAT score there. I am a current freshman in high school, and I am planning on taking the SAT next year. I am signed up for a lot of leadership roles and programs. Any advice in general? I really want my application to stand out.
This is what I have so far:
Currently, I am taking:
AP world
Hon Alg 2/trig
Hon English
and other required classes
Next year I will be taking:
phycology 101 College class
comp 101 college class
Hon Chem
Hon Pracalc college class
Hon English 2
These are all the most grueling classes my school offers
As a passion project I will be starting a passion project soon for cancer research where I will research cancer and write a 10 page research paper on it. I decided to do this after I got rejected from a cancer research program at Notre Dame. I am going to post it on a blog I create.
I self published a book at 12 and published two articles through the city newspaper
I want to become an Oncologist and travel the world to give people free medical care in the future. I decided that I need to become a leader now to prepare for the future.
I am a TA and activity creator for one of the very few Korean schools in my city. I work for the youngest class, but I plan activities for everyone. It is kind of part of the STEAM club I created there with a friend.
So, I signed up for:
School Tutor, Sophomore ambassadors, Youth Leadership ****(city name), Schoolhouseworld tutor, brainly tutor, anda program where you get to go to washington dc(leadership)
This summer, I am planning on volunteering at hospitals and sending emails to college professors to help out at their lab.
I started a website to help people with writing, but that is still a work in progress.
Next year, I am planning on signing up for a program for students around the nation(leadership)
Currently, I am going to be a NHS member by next year.
Current gpa: 4.0
I don’t want to be a stereotypical cookie cutter student. I am doing all of this, because I believe that these programs will help me become a better person in the future and prepare me for my future careers.
I am going to grind studying for the SAT this summer.
Do you guys recommend anything for me?
I posted all of this, so you guys have an idea of my interests and the course I am on.

Using a prefabs low-code platformThe limited offers numerous benefits for organizations seeking to develop and deploy applications efficiently. Here are some key advantages:

Accelerated Development:
- Speed: Prefabs and reusable components significantly reduce the time required to build applications, allowing for rapid development and deployment.
- Prototyping: Quickly create prototypes and iterate on them to refine requirements and functionality.
Reduced Costs:
- Lower Development Costs: By minimizing the need for extensive hand-coding, organizations can reduce labor costs associated with traditional software development.
- Maintenance Savings: Prefabricated components often come with built-in maintenance and updates, reducing the burden on internal IT teams.
Ease of Use:
- User-Friendly Interfaces: Drag-and-drop interfaces and visual development tools make it easier for non-technical users (citizen developers) to contribute to application development.
- Minimal Coding: The limited need for extensive coding knowledge allows a broader range of employees to participate in the development process.
Enhanced Collaboration:
- Unified Platform: Centralized development environments facilitate collaboration among team members, including business analysts, designers, and developers.
- Real-Time Collaboration: Teams can work simultaneously on different parts of the application, improving efficiency and communication.
Increased Agility:
- Flexibility: Quickly adapt to changing business requirements and market conditions by easily modifying and updating applications.
- Scalability: Many low-code platforms are designed to scale with the organization’s needs, supporting everything from small apps to enterprise-level solutions.
Integration Capabilities:
- Extensive Integrations: Prefabs low-code platforms often come with built-in connectors for integrating with various third-party services, APIs, and databases.
- Data Consistency: Streamlined integration helps maintain data consistency across different systems and applications.
Improved Governance and Compliance:
- Standardization: Prefabricated components ensure that applications adhere to best practices and industry standards.
- Compliance: Built-in compliance features help organizations meet regulatory requirements more easily.
Better Quality and Consistency:
- Pre-Built Components: Using tested and proven prefabricated components can improve the overall quality and reliability of applications.
- Consistency: Ensures a consistent user experience across different applications by using standardized components and templates.
Empowerment of Business Users:
- Citizen Development: Enables business users with little to no coding experience to create and modify applications, leading to increased innovation and faster problem-solving.
- Empowerment: Allows business units to take more control over their specific application needs without heavy reliance on IT departments.
Focus on Innovation:
- Core Business Focus: By reducing the time and resources spent on development and maintenance, organizations can focus more on innovation and strategic initiatives.
- Creative Solutions: Frees up developers to work on more complex and innovative projects, rather than routine coding tasks.

I am planning to test on July 13th, and I was wondering what my weeks should look like when using KA, Anki, and the AAMC materials. How do I go about using the AAMC materials?
Week 1 and 2: Plan to binge KA and do the Miles down ANKI after each unit
Week 3,4,5: Plan to use the QPacks and Section Banks
Week 6,7,8...: Plan to take a practice test a week and rewatch KA videos on weak areas.
Does this seem doable to get a 510+ from a 495?

So I just got the 6.1 update on my S9+ phone and like circle to seach more than I thought I would. Its so fast!
I tried the live translate English to Cantonese and it was unusable, so a bit of a disappointment at this point. Maybe in a year it will improve.
AI summarise page seemed useful on first go but misses out lots of key info in my tests, so is not trustworthy.
Any other features worth testing? Or have you found any good, practical uses?

At the time of this post 145 thousand people are still without power going on almost 6 days without power. Tornado wiped out our power grid in select areas throughout Texas. Here's some things I learned and a situation report of my experience living with a very large family of mixed ages.
Context: We had been getting hit with some pretty gnarly weather however business as usual in Texas. I didn't think much of it usually when our grids down they're pretty quick to respond minus the snow storm years back. So when I heard there was a storm brewing I didn't even flinch I always keep some very very basics, battery's, lights, water, 2 weeks minimum of non perishable foods, self defense protection, and ammo, etc. But I hardly consider myself a prepper anymore, but I know some people don't even have that.
I use to be really on top of my preps overtime, however my stockpile had dwindled, as did my thirst for knowledge and hands on experience/training. I just honestly wasn't on top of my game anymore, and quit taking this as serious years ago. This tornado really brought me back to reality, so this post is mostly for entry level preppers looking at some practical advice from a 5 day experience, I fully regret the fact I quit taking this serious years ago.
First Day: Around 6pm, emergency alert on phone stating tornado in your area, seek shelter immediately. Thought ok let's shelter in the master bedroom closet. Wind rocked the house pretty good, could hear limbs from tree's falling, within about 10 minutes the power shuts off, and glancing outside within a hour the streets flooded. The storm had died down, as did the flooding, and it was time to asses the damage in the immediate area. Got in the car, power had blown out pretty much every store/house within a several mile zone. Found one square zone with a few places that had power, got some fast food but waited about 30 minutes because everyone went there.
What I wish I had on day one/ and general notes:
Rain boots: The streets had not only flooded but was blocked by limbs in the roadway. Luckily our flooding wasn't too severe but had it been I wish I did have rainboots so normal shoes didn't get soaked. or some type of beach sandals, etc.
Chainsaw, electric saw, axes, regular saw: Would of come in handy if the limbs in our area blocking the road were any bigger.
Higher up vehicles: Some vehicles couldn't make it through the flood due to being so low to the ground, so take into account your vehicles.
More variety of quality flashlights: Electric Lanterns came in clutch, but wish I had more handhelds, head mounted, and higher end lanterns.
Battery Inventory checks: Wish I had not only more batteries cause you really do burn through these quick, but wish I had checked all my lights battery condition, and stored new batteries in waterproof containers.
Alternative sources to battery's: Not a huge fan of candles due to fire risk, but some not scented beeswax or soy based candles would of came in handy to help ration battery supply. Maybe glass lanterns as well for safety and ease of transport. Glowsticks would of been great option too.
Car chargers: Believe it or not some of us didn't have car chargers for our cell phones cause we mostly charge our phones at home, although we were able to share, wish we had this on day one for all our phones.
Fully charged portable battery bank, or portable phone chargers: If we had this we wouldn't of been out in our cars late at night charging stuff putting us at more risk for being possible victims to crime.
Quality of cell phone, and cellphone provider: Have a POS phone but keep putting off upgrading it? Don't. Luckily mine was good but some of our cellphone providers carriers had better signal then others, some of are phones were in bad shape and it was noted we wish we didn't put off upgrading it sooner. You can't predict how well your provider will do but maybe do your research, unsure how this works but now I can do my research and learn from it. I had 0 issues with boost mobile but other family members weren't so lucky.
Cash: This is obvious but due to us moving towards a cashless society its pretty uncommon, but this would of came in handy due to how many places didn't have power. You can do so much with cash.
Battery powered or rechargeable camping fans: I did have one of these, it even had a light but wish I had more.
Larger ice chest: Now we had a few, but they were smaller. We lost everything in our fridge/freezer besides canned drinks, I mean everything. We had just bought grocery's too, lesson learned.
OTC sleeping medication: We had melatonin, and Tylenol pm, but it was so quiet you could hear a mouse sneeze a block over, until the generators turned on. First two are OK options but given its only going to be cool at night, and we knew tomorrow would be hot, we took kratom to sleep. Check your area some states it's illegal, not recommending it but it's what we used. I wish I had stockpiled more kratom, I took it when I got the flu on top of C word to relieve body aches and found out it really helped me sleep and ease pain/stress. Usually cycle this 3 days on max, one day off to prevent habit forming.
This is really for day two + but ill post this here cause I noticed it on day one:
Backup supply of my personal vices or quitting personal vices: I know this may sound stupid but I am fully addicted to caffeine, and nicotine. I picked my poison and know what I signed up for. Caffeine really? yeah really not sure if you know this but for some people caffeine withdrawal can make you really suffer, and I mean really suffer check out decaf. I was in the process of lowering my caff intake to 1 cup of tea a day, and quit soda. Was one month off soda before the storm came in, but had to relapse due to us not carrying high caff tea on supply.
But yeah stock up on your vices so you aren't going through withdrawals during an emergency. Was on 3mg per ml of nicotine and had to dish out 30$ for a disposable vape thats 50mg per ml at a gas station on day two to prevent withdrawals. So I was on way higher dose of nic then usual due to only being able to purchase what I could find, for reference 50mg per ml if you use that in 10 days thats about a pack of ciggs worth of nic per day. So yeah either quit your vice or stock up, I don't advocate hard drugs at all so this isn't for that but this is mainly aimed at coffee/caff use, etc. Instant coffee packs may be great for some people.
Battery powered radio: Can't stress enough how mentally taxing silence can be long term. We had one, but the battery port crapped out. Lesson learned, test your preps.
Backup food for your pet friends: Luckily I was pretty good on pet food but imagine if I wasn't, and this was more severe.
Water situation: Had a decent amount of drinking water, we had running water. If we didn't I would say I wish I had filled up the giant jugs I bought for flushing the toilet/doing dishes or running through a berkey water filter if we ran out of drinking water. I had bought 5 gallon blue jugs specifically for this years back. However I cleaned them out, and didn't refill, Lesson learned.
2nd Day: We were able to cook some stuff on a gas stove, luckily. People at gas stations were stocking up on ice, filling their gas cans up for their generators, and shelves were getting empty at stores with power only on some things though wasn't too bad cause the power outage was scattered some had power, others didn't. Mostly a waiting game at this point, most of the preps I wish I had on this day were the same as day one, but ill toss in some stuff I wish I had. Obtained a portable battery powered radio, the morale boost was real for everyone, even the dogs.
What I wish I had on day two/ and general notes:
BBQ style lighters to light gas stove: We had two but recently tossed em out due to being empty. Realized I had no bics, and only had one box of matches, feels bad man.
Entertainment: Board games like checkers, board games for kids, chess, basic poker set, etc. These would of been awesome and a great way to keep the kids entertained and the adults, the boredom was real. We hit local goodwill's that had power to look for radios, and cheap prep supplies and games, but no luck.
Third day: By then reality set in for most people, neighbors who could afford to do so booked hotels or bugged out to places with power. The generators really started up by day three, everyone was buying gas for them and you could hear them in almost every direction. Pretty sure some people had it from the start but noticed them more by day three. A lot of people were sitting outside the front of their homes trying to escape the heat. Ice from most places were completely sold out, so you had to really shop around to find any.
Finding news about the power outage day 1-3 was kind of hit and miss, KHOU news updates were pretty short and it took us some time to know how severe the storms damage actually was, cause we were focused on trying to get stuff done around the house and conserving battery. I believe at one point CenterPoint's actual website went down. Mostly resulted to local news channels, and nextdoor app. We couldn't watch live news and had to rely on when KHOU posted youtube videos.
Private security company's hired guards and they started patrolling certain stores that could afford the security, obviously to deter looters. Traffic everywhere was insane in every which direction during peak hours more then usual, PD presence was pretty high, more then usual.
What I wish I had on day three/ and general notes:
Generator: Pretty obvious why, had no experience with them but wish I did, and wish I bought one pre-blackout when I was more into prepping and took time to learn about them and how to use and maintain them properly.
Ham radio: Or something to pick up on local freqs to monitor radio comms for information regarding the storm and local activity if any. I think this may of been better then waiting on local news to post videos.
Day Four: Buddy had power so he dropped off his generator and gave me quick instructions on how to run it, how far away to place them, etc. By day four the temps really ramped up, and this thing definitely kept us cool. When you think of bartering you think of some post apocalypse stuff, but no. In reality you can barter during any emergency, buddy dropped it off free of charge but was able to offer some booze as a thank you. So even if you don't drink stock up on booze/ciggs to barter, never know what you might trade it for. Times are tough in this economy and I honestly didn't have much money to spare, family had to pool our funds together to get last minute preps to survive this, cause we didn't know how long this would really last. In certain areas they said it could be weeks. However the alcohol was a small thank you that I could afford and he was happy so all worked out.
Gas cans were sold out, and extension cord supply's were looking extremely low at local hardware store. From what I overheard they also completely sold out of generators. Honestly wish I knew more about electrical stuff but my buddy gave me a small crash course in wiring everything. You can't just plug it in and pray for the best. Bought the best gauge extensions cords I could afford for our needs, and the distance and hooked it up.
We ran one bedroom AC unit, fans for the dogs, wired a light, and a charging station. Also don't cheap out on gas cans it's not worth blowing your face off or starting a fire, or having it leak. If you get a generator do your research on how to properly run it, and safely fill it. Crime in this area can be fairly high we've had a few drive by shootings and other not so good police involved things. Read this book along time ago about post collapse security, so I blacked out our windows so when we turned lights on no one knew we had power. You may hear the generator, but from the street we look like we don't have anything going for us. My biggest fear was looters from people who were less fortunate or really down bad. We near a common site for homeless people as well so they foot traffic the area.
Generators are very loud, between that and listening to the radio 12 hours a day, I was beginning to audio hallucinate lyrics that weren't there with the radio off, and suffered from heat exhaustion. That and the fact we had homeless in our area and tweekers who might loot I was running off adrenaline a bit. 24 hours almost that night without sleep, and didn't even feel tired. Slept near my firearm until my family woke up at daylight and when daylight hit I knew we were in the clear and I passed out.
What I wish I had on day fou and general notes:
Knowledge of generators.
Knowledge about electricity/wiring them safely.
Security: Some type of physical alarm bell to put on the door like metal door knob alarm bells so it jingles if anyone enters to alert the dogs, had to keep the door slightly cracked so the wires hooked up to the generator would fit. So we couldn't lock the door, which is probably where my anxiety of tweekers coming in came from.
Day Five: Same shit different day, power came on that evening.
Conclusion: Just cause it doesn't look like societal collapse or WW3 prep your shit for emergency's native to your area or go beyond, idc but prep. They ain't coming to help for awhile, or at all if it's very severe...so it's up to you and your community to pull through. This was a wake up call, thanks for coming to my prep talk.

Hi there,
I am currently looking for a Mobile App Developer who has at least 5 years in Android development, specifically coding in Kotlin along with some working knowledge of Swift. Please see below for job details and how to apply.
Company: Hay House
Hay House is a mission-driven company dedicated to supporting positive change in the world by helping all people to grow in mind, body, and spirit. With a diverse roster of customers, authors, and points of view, Hay House offers products and resources that empower, educate, and inspire.
Hay House produces books (print, electronic, and audio), card decks, calendars, streaming content, mobile apps, and more. From self-improvement to spirituality, health to business, metaphysics to memoir, diet to tarot, children’s books to crystals, we offer our audience a wide selection of practical and inspirational resources in a broad range of formats.

Position Summary
Works closely with Lead App Developer to define and execute both Android app updates including ongoing maintenance, new development initiatives, and quality control. This position will focus more heavily on the Android side of development.
Responsibilities and Expertise

Develop and support new & existing features, customization for our mobile apps
Assist Lead Developer with mobile app development strategies and execute the plans
Monitor mobile app performance and troubleshoot app issues
Develop and maintain technical documentation related to mobile app projects
Learn new technologies and apply them to fulfill business needs
Uses appropriate & relevant programming languages and technologies, writes code, tests & deploys
Misc. duties related to mobile app development projects and tasks as needed

Skills, Knowledge & Abilities

Comprehensive working knowledge of Kotlin for Android app development
Broad knowledge of mobile app technologies, data persistence, asynchronous coding, and platform best practices
Working knowledge of Swift for iOS app development
Familiar with API web services (REST)
Ability to execute projects accurately and quickly
Excellent attention to detail and the ability to effectively multi-task to meet objectives
Strong communication skills, both written and verbal, and with a cross-functional team
Experience with third-party libraries such as Exoplayer, Dagger, or other open source libraries
Ability to work well both independently, as well as with others on a team
Self-starter with motivation and ambition

Education and/or Experience

5+ years’ experience with Kotlin for Android app development
2+ years’ minimum professional experience with iOS app development using Swift
Experience with Version Control Systems (Git)
Some experience with unit testing and MVC/MVVM architectures
Theoretical knowledge typically achieved through a related four-year college experience, such as a Bachelor’s degree in computer science or equivalent

Why Should You Apply?

Remote
Meaningful Work
4-Day Work Week
Great Benefits

Benefits

Comprehensive Medical, Dental, and Vision Insurance
PTO, Pay in Lieu of Time Off, and Shared Leave
9 Paid Holidays + Floating Holiday
Winter Break – 4 additional days off
401k Match – Up to 6%
Company paid Short-Term & Long-Term Disability
Company paid $50K Life/AD&D Insurance
Emergency Savings Account + Company Contribution
Flexible Spending
Health Savings Account
Gym Membership Discounts
Professional Development & Education Assistance
Employee Assistance Program (EAP) for you & family

Embracing Diversity & EEO
Hay House is committed to having a diverse workforce that embodies and reflects the diversity of our global community. As part of this commitment to equitable opportunity and inclusion, we strongly encourage applications from all individuals inclusive of all genders, ethnicities, abilities, sexual orientations, ages, socio-economic backgrounds, religions, and beliefs.
Additional Information
Hay House participates in the federal E-Verify program to confirm the identity and employment authorization of all newly hired employees. For further information about the E-Verify program, please click here: https://www.e-verify.gov/employees

Apply: https://www.paycomonline.net/v4/ats/web.php/jobs/ViewJobDetails?job=143154&clientkey=C8DB203EE62130CE679827BF88304A47
or contact me at [careers@hayhouse.com](mailto:careers@hayhouse.com)

I had a wonderful childhood. I couldn't have asked for a better one. My parents, brother, family, ... so much love in my life.
As I got older, I started to become exposed to the harsh realities of life. The people closest to me and the ones I loved the most started to get sick and pass away. I lost my dog. Life wasnt the same. And later, was diagnosed with Crohns which had a massive impact on my life and self confidence. I felt like a lab rat.. so many tests, doctor visits, medicine, diets, needles, ... eventually extensive surgery.
Luckily, after years of torture, I made it out ok. I started to build back my confidence, and was optimistic about the future. Before I knew it, I met the love of my life. I felt so extremely lucky to have you in my life. It felt like a dream. I felt that after all that pain and loss, I had finally had something good happen to me.
As time we on, we became best friends. You confessed your love to me, said I was different than all the rest, and you saw a future with me. You expressed how special I was to you. I felt the same way.
We met eachothers families, who became so close with eachother. I truly loved your family, they felt like home. My family loved you so much... my parents loved you like a daughter, and I knew you loved them too. We had everyone's support and love. We were the golden couple. We grew and experiences so much together. Bought our first house, saw the world, new jobs, school, ... Everyone was so proud of us, and we were proud of eachother.
Somewhere along the way, you started seeking outside the relationship for attention. I knew you were very social, so at first, I was happy to see you making friends. I knew you had a difficult childhood and past, and didn't have many good friends, so I was very supportive and encouraged you to do things with your friends.
We were inseparable. Always going things together, planning trips, going on adventures. Everything was easy. We enjoyed eachothers company so much. We made eachother laugh, feel loved, and safe. We were so comfortable and open, goofy with eachother, and always so intimate.
We shared a lot of the same hobbies: plants/garden, camping, trails, video games, movies, travel, outdoors, relaxing at home, ... it didn't seem to matter what we were doing, we were happy together.
I loved making you smile and laugh. I loved seeing you happy doing what you loved, or eating a meal I'd prepare for you.
I always wanted you to have the best. Since you were in school, I provided for you. Food, toys, restaurants, trips, ... whatever you wanted. I wanted to give you the world. It felt so good to make you happy.
You would tease me and hint towards wanting to get engaged. After 3 years, it happened. We were so happy, and you were so excited and happy to share the big news. We started planning our wedding, moved into a bigger house, new jobs, everything felt good.
I never expected to love someone so much. This young woman brought so much love, happiness, and adventure into my life. She completed changed everything. Everything was so easy.. effortless.. felt right.
When we moved into your dream home, things became more stressful. The house needed a lot of work, as well as the property. Regardless, we were willing and eager to tackle projects together and were excited to make things our own.
As time went on, and school/work seemed to become more stressful for you, I was left finishing a lot of our projects and maintaining them by myself. I also stepped up and started trying to take on more of the chores and responsibilities so that you could focus on school/work and still have time to relax. I was happy to help give you some relief.
After a few months, your brother asked to be our roommate for a time. I was hesitant, but you encouraged me that it would be a good thing. He would pay and help around the house. At first, it was nice. However, as time we on, it became more and more stressful.
The stress of doing everything and having a roommate that didn't mesh well with us overwhelmed me. I knew it was temporary, so I endured it.
One day, you came home from your new job and expressed what a good day you had.. that you had the chance to work with a different doctor, and that he was very fun and nice. I was so happy to hear it, since I knew you hadn't been having good days and people had been difficult. I was glad you seemed to have a mentor.
You started to have more good days than bad, working with this person more and more. You started talking to me about them more, sharing things you learned and talked with him about. As time went on, I started to feel a bit jealous. You had been spending more time with this person than me... your shifts were long, and I hadn't been seeing you as much. You started even talking to our parents about this person.
I started to notice you texting him while we were at home together. I'd ask, and you'd happily share whatever it was you guys were talking about. One evening, you were texting this doctor late at night. I approached you about this, and expressed how it was making me feel. I felt that it had started to become too much, and wasn't appropriate. I didn't like the idea of this older married man communicating with my young fiance so much. I expressed that I was happy that you had a friend at work, but felt that it was becoming too personal and inappropriate. You tried to reassure me that you were just friends, and that he was old and married, you would never be attracted to him. I stood firm and expressed that I would like for you to only communicate while at work, or for work related matters. You agreed and assured me it was nothing.
As time went on, I noticed you would sometimes hide your phone, turn it away, flip it upside down, or turn it off as I walked by. At first, I thought it was just me being paranoid. But as time went on, it started to mess with my head... otherwise, everything was good, so I told myself it was nothing. You started to enjoy that type of work and decided to join his practice. I was happy you were able to make up your mind and find something you enjoyed. Time went on. At some point, you needed an invasive procedure done... and you requested that doctor complete it. I didn't love the idea, but you preferred to have someone do it that you trusted. After that, the doctor seemed to be a thing of the past.
As the wedding date approached, the excitement increased. We had everything planned out and we were so excited for our big day. I saw how happy you were throughout the whole process. I couldn't believe our big day was right around the corner.
Our wedding was like a dream. Everything came together so nicely. We had the best night of our lives. I loved seeing you so happy with our friends and family there to celebrate with us. We went on a wonderful honeymoon and I felt so loved and appreciated.
Once we returned home, our roommate left, and stress started to decrease dramatically in the house. I was so relieved. You finished school, graduated, and I threw you a big surprise party to celebrate. I had always put together parties for all your special occasions, and I knew you really appreciated that. After so many nights helping you study, it felt wonderful to see you walk across that stage and finally finish.
You shortly after moved to a different hospital, and seemed to really like your new job and everyone there. Life was so good...
The house and our list of responsibilities and all the maintenance was still a lot, but I felt we were quickly starting to knock things off our list.
One week, you started working a lot... I hardly saw you that week. We'd always text and check in, saying we loved eachother, missed eachother, and looked forward to seeing eachother. When the weekend finally arrived, you had mentioned your best friend invited you to join her for girl time. I realized you hadn't seen her much lately and encouraged it.
That weekend, my grandmother had been struggling. I felt alone in our big house and had wished you were there. We checked in on eachother while you were gone. I was expecting you to return one evening, so I had dinner prepared. I was hurt when you didn't arrive and decided to stay another night with your friend.
When I saw you the next morning, I was feeling pretty down. I was already sad about my grandmother, but also felt like an after thought that week. You were so happy to see me, which was nice. We had a nice evening, spent time together, .. you never stopped telling me you loved me.
The next day after work, I got home, and you seemed so cold and distant. You seemed bothered by something. I checked in, asked if you needed anything, then went about my day. It seemed like you wanted space. I checked in every few hours, and you were busy doing something on your laptop.
I prepared dinner and started watching TV. I encouraged you to take a break, eat, and relax some before bed. You joined me on the couch, but was quiet and explained that you had some work to finish.
As it got late, I went up to bed. You explained you'd be up a little longer while you finished your work. As the hours went by, I thought it was so odd that you weren't in bed yet. I knew you had to get up early... sleep was always such a priority. I got up to check on you and to get some water. You were still on your laptop.. I noticed you were looking at rooms to something. I encouraged you to get some sleep. You joined me, looking exhausted.
We cuddled, said we loved eachother, then fell asleep. The next morning, I finished getting ready for work while you slept. As I was getting ready to leave, I sae your laptop. I decided to check and see what you were looking at... another air bnb for a trip? I was curious. We shared the laptop, so I didn't feel like I was invading her privacy.
I opened the laptop and saw apartments. I was so confused. I checker her email.. apartments. I noticed she had Facebook messenger up with recent messages. I checked... my world turned upside down. Those seconds felt like eternity as my heart sounded and my stomach sank. I read a message to a friend saying she wanted a divorce, never loved me, felt like a stranger in her house, dreaded coming home to me, ... that she loved a doctor.. he's married, but his wife is a lesbian. That was easily the worst moment of my life. I panicked and didn't know what to do... I was in shock. After a few minutes, I decided to address this with you.
I quietly walked up the stairs, sat on the edge of the bed, and calmly woke you up. You were sleepy, asking why I woke up.. you still had about 30m before work. I apologized for waking you.. As I looked at you silently, I started to cry. I quietly said "I know...". "I saw the messages". She looked back at me in shock.. eyes wide in the dark. I asked if she had been having an affair. She said no.. then started to look at me as if I wad a stranger. It was a terrible feeling.
You got up to get ready for work, and said we'd talk later that evening. You left. I was standing in the driveway and felt sick. I wasn't sure if I could make it to work.. but being at the house was making me feel worse, so I left. I didn't eat anything that while day. While at work, I prepared myself for our talk.
When we both got home, you pulled up to the house and started to pack some things while I sat on the couch. When you finally joined me, you were quiet.. asked about my day, I asked about yours.. then more silence. I asked what you needed from me. You explained that you were feeling very anxious, and didn't want me to get upset. You said you were going to stay with a friend for a few days to clear your head and wanted to talk once we were both rested.
You left for almost a week while I stayed in our big empty house, taking care of our pets, and completely confused and dead inside. I hardly ate or slept. I desperately started reading and watching whatever information I could find to help explain what was happening and to prepare myself. I spent most of my time thinking, reflecting on our life. I started tonrealize how stressed I had been... and thought about all the things I should/could have done differently. I knew I treated her so well, but no one is perfect.
Looking back, I started to think about all the red flags. Love is blind. I truly loved, trusted, and cared for this person more than anyone in the world. I thought she felt the same way... I never imagined us seperating.
I started to think of that doctor she used to talk about.. and realized she probably never stopped talking to him. I started to realize that my wife had stopped opening up to me... was no longer emotional or vulnerable... her emotional? affair started to kill the emotional intimacy between us.
I was happy just to have her in my life and enjoyed just being with her... she never expressed or talked about being unhappy... if I had known, I feel certain that we could have fixed whatever was lacking. I would have met whichever needs werent being met.
Were you lonely while I was busy working hard for us? Was she bored? I would have happily planned more outings... whenever I suggested something, you expressed that you were tired or didn't show interest. I knew you enjoyed time alone, so I never felt bad doing my own thing. I figured you would tell me of you needed or felt something...
I was so confused... started to question what was real. When did this all start? Why? How? Terrible thoughts entered my mind... so many late shifts, staying the night at the hospital, leaving early to get the air bnbs ready, ...
I also realized that towards the end, you had suddenly started to listen to different music, got a nose piercing, tattoo, talked about signing up for a sport, working out, ... these were all things I knew you had wanted to do for awhile, but it was all so sudden.
Why didn't you ever communicate... I recall you expressing your concern with my stress, but nothing else. I felt that my stress was reasonable considering everything I was doing.. and knew it was temporary. I didn't ignore it though. I saw a therapist, and started making changes. Was it all too late?
When we finally spoke again, it was so nice to just see you. We sat and you were so friendly and sweet - it reassured me that everything was going to be ok. We made small talk and joked, which immediately lightened the mood. You suggested I spoke first. I expressed my feelings and how important the marriage was.. that I'd so anything to save it. I took responsibility for my side of things and expressed the changes I had made and would continue to make. When you started, you expressed that you would always cherish our time together, but we're set on divorce. That we both deserved to be truly happy. Shortly after, you left.
The days after, you started packing your things while I was at work. I was living in a big empty house, every day getting more and more empty. I was a complete mess living in hell. Her family started to reach out to me and shower me with support, apologies, and disbelief. No one could make sense of this.
After a week or so, I couldn't take it any more, so I moved to stay with my parents while we finished moving out. I attempted to stay cordile through all this. You seemed so unphased and happy... texting me and talking to me like we were still best friends.
You explained that you felt bad for saying you never loved me... that you did, but not in the way a wife should love their husband. That it could be years, but in the future, I could count on you.
As time went on, and the pain increased, I was more distant. You texted more and more. Finally, I suggested that we limit communication unless she was interested in working on our marriage.
As the days went by, you grew colder and irritated.. I started to feel like the bad guy. I know you started to feel the weight of your decisons, and starred to project onto me. Making me the bad guy made you feel better. I attempted to end things on a good note... being helpful throughout the move out process, but you were so cold. It hurt so much... 5 wonderful years tossed aside like it never mattered.
I havent talked to you in weeks... I miss my best friend, my love, your family, our pets, and the wonderful life we built. I'm left trying to pickup the pieces. I feel so lost, confused, broken, ...
The tremendous amount of support I've gotten from both sides has helped a lot. I'm seeing a therapist, reading a lot, eating more, working out, and focusing on my self. The days are getting better, but I still have days where I am a mess.
I havent been sleeping well... always tired. Waking up several times, terrible nightmares and thoughts of you being with another man... I still have believe you would be capable of all this.. of hurting me so much.
I have urges to reach out to you... wanting to fix this, that there must be a misunderstanding... there are so many things I'd like to say. I got complacent and comfortable during our time together. I stopped doing the little things as often as I used to... I never meant to hurt you, make you feel lonely, unloved, unappreciated, ... whatever it is you felt. It's difficult for me to accept that my sweet innocent wife was capable of this... surely there was a reason?? I was just so caught up in my list of things... I was working so hard for our future.
I feel like my wife was manipulated by this man... why does an older doctor (20 years older) have a lesbian wife? He doesn't love her like she seems to think... he is using her. I feel sorry for her... I know there is no future there.
I've done a lot of reading on Attachment Styles, Limerence, love addiction, and other things that come as a result of childhood trauma. I feel like a lot of this has to do with her trauma... but also her selfishness and emotional immaturity. There is nothing I can do. I just pray she figures things out on her own, finds longlasting happiness, and puts an end to this cycle.
I would love it if we were able to reconnect in the future... I still deeply love and care for her. I don't want our story to end... none of this feels right. My gut is screaming that this is all wrong. I just know we both need to work on ourselves for the time being.
One day I had it all, the next, it crashed down before my eyes. Meeting you was the best thing to happen to me... you leaving was the worst. You rushed out of my life so quickly... I wish things were different.

Title: Mobile Suit Gundam Deep Ocean
Story: The story takes place 500 years after a war known as the Flood War that ended up resulting in global warming being accelerated, raising ocean levels and practically submerging the land.
Now humanity is divided into two- the Floatarians- people who live in floating cities and the Underians who live in underwater cities, these two populations are in constant conflict and tensions due to their conflicting ideologies.
The Floatarians believe on extreme Egthalarism/Collectivism while The Underians believe on meritocracy, that inevitably leads to a war between them.
The protagonist is a young Underian named Flynn Marino, he is a kind and meek individual who's thrown on the war after finding an old but very advanced and powerful mobile suit- the Poseidon Gundam, which has the consciousness of a great pilot of the past.

Hello everyone! For several years I have rather (in)famously considered myself a lectopriest of my patron, Setesh. This is a role I carried with great honor, but perhaps also to great detriment. You see, one piece of ancient wisdom I chose to ignore was that priesthood was not a 24/7, lifelong role played by individuals. Indeed back then one would only be a priest for a few weeks or months before the off season. With so few people willing to take such roles in modern society, staying in it for several years makes some semblance of sense, but I think to continue would benefit neither others nor, more importantly, myself.
You see, I have noticed, and have had pointed out by people I truly respect and trust, several problems in myself that were either created or (more often) worsened by priesthood, without my own realization until now. For instance one thing which was called out is the responsibility I feel to “correct” others when their views/understanding/etc do not match my own, like pushing the differentiations between historical Egyptian religion as opposed to new ageism (I originally wrote “new age nonsense” which proves my point that this role has led me against pluralism). Or feeling the need to write and read constantly about topics beyond the point of exhaustion when, at best, maybe 5 people even care for that level of information and effort. Or simply an overinflated sense of worth for my own path and knowledge, which directly opposes my more recent attempts at pluralism, such as portraying Kemeticism as good and new ageism as bad, when I know deep down and full well that this is an ignorant and arrogant misunderstanding of the situation, and one is simply good/bad for myself, not for all.
When I reached out to Kemetic last year to clear my name after being mistaken for a Satanist/ToS member, my main argument was that I feel compelled and driven to share knowledge of Setesh and Kemeticism, to correct what I see as ignorance and take at least partial responsibility for the spiritual development of others. That… doesn't fit with my philosophy or metaphysics at all though. I was reminded as recently as yesterday that this is literally not my responsibility, that I’ve basically taken my social work background and applied it to Kemeticism or even the LHP. I hated social work and left for all these same reasons: systems in place limit how much you can help, people don’t even actually want help, and why am I responsible for the lives of others? Perhaps most importantly, is my way even actually better or just working for me and I am causing more harm than good pushing it on others? I cannot help but feel it is almost part of a subconscious masochism those who also have mental illness are likely familiar with, an unconscious drive to put yourself in situations that will only frustrate you and make you sad. And I have to say, I HATE the subconscious for reasons just like this.
Hell, my original goal was to synthesize our knowledge of Setesh into one place in a digestible form, and that project has been completed a few times over, most completely an entire year ago now, my goal is completed and my job is done. I could have spent all this time focusing on the dozens of problems I still have to take care of in my own life and practices, like priesthood was almost a type of deflection and procrastination. I am glad I held the role and helped those who have reached out to let me know, but when we bring it back to my own authentic metaphysical perspective, these are the tiniest drops in a vast, endless ocean. I am glad for and proud of these one-offs, but to chase such one-offs has taken me in the completely wrong direction than intended. And worse it’s had me reading books about priesthood and the like, seeking out dogma of how I “should” or am “suppose to” act as a priest, what duties are required, etc., when this is the type of acceptance of and reliance upon external dogma I abhor and caution against.
My gut reaction was what I used to always do, just leave with my tail between my legs. But upon further reflection I realized I needed to internalize and look inwards in these situations for once, and to practice proper action rather than simply ponder it. To not act like some priest who is initiated into higher mysteries or something, but as just another random person trying to do my best and what I think is right in communities I value. Honestly this is who I would rather be. I will always be Kemetic AND Left Hand Path, always be a child of Setesh, and therefore always be an outsider. Playing the role of a priest (which I will not regret for it led to some of my most useful work and best connections imo) outright contradicts this in so many ways I am honestly a bit embarrassed.
I have quit a lot of things: addictions, websites that were bad for my mental health, negatively reinforcing practices and thoughts, and my new focus is quitting both the social work drive to “fix” things (that often are not even truly “broken”), as well as the arrogance that always crops back up in me to believe that since my way is right for me and has brought me meaning and success, it is not necessarily right for all, maybe even a detriment to them as their path may be to me. My test, as I see it, is not to run away in either anger nor embarrassment, but to face my flaws and actively seek to correct them, such as continuing to engage in forums such as kemetic but as just a guy doing his thing, not the voice of a god, or Kemeticism, or academia, or any such thing.
And to those who helped bring this to my attention again, I thank you. I’ve been told both in friendly and not so friendly ways when dealing with these problems in the past, this most recent being generally friendly. In the past I have been much better about owning my nature as a child of Setesh, and priesthood as I have understood and practiced it is a direct contradiction of that nature. I don’t want to feel this drive to make people think or practice the way I do, nor do I want this drive to act or portray myself a certain way on behalf of others, even my own patron. I mean, one of my greatest magical recommendations is apathy, and I've practiced anything but that.
So today it is in optimism, humility, and hope, not anger, defeat, and arrogance that I step away from the Lector role I've taken, and once again seek to be priest of nothing more than myself and my own way.

I had a wonderful childhood. I couldn't have asked for a better one. My parents, brother, family, ... so much love in my life.
As I got older, I started to become exposed to the harsh realities of life. The people closest to me and the ones I loved the most started to get sick and pass away. I lost my dog. Life wasnt the same. And later, was diagnosed with Crohns which had a massive impact on my life and self confidence. I felt like a lab rat.. so many tests, doctor visits, medicine, diets, needles, ... eventually extensive surgery.
Luckily, after years of torture, I made it out ok. I started to build back my confidence, and was optimistic about the future. Before I knew it, I met the love of my life. I felt so extremely lucky to have you in my life. It felt like a dream. I felt that after all that pain and loss, I had finally had something good happen to me.
As time we on, we became best friends. You confessed your love to me, said I was different than all the rest, and you saw a future with me. You expressed how special I was to you. I felt the same way.
We met eachothers families, who became so close with eachother. I truly loved your family, they felt like home. My family loved you so much... my parents loved you like a daughter, and I knew you loved them too. We had everyone's support and love. We were the golden couple. We grew and experiences so much together. Bought our first house, saw the world, new jobs, school, ... Everyone was so proud of us, and we were proud of eachother.
Somewhere along the way, you started seeking outside the relationship for attention. I knew you were very social, so at first, I was happy to see you making friends. I knew you had a difficult childhood and past, and didn't have many good friends, so I was very supportive and encouraged you to do things with your friends.
We were inseparable. Always going things together, planning trips, going on adventures. Everything was easy. We enjoyed eachothers company so much. We made eachother laugh, feel loved, and safe. We were so comfortable and open, goofy with eachother, and always so intimate.
We shared a lot of the same hobbies: plants/garden, camping, trails, video games, movies, travel, outdoors, relaxing at home, ... it didn't seem to matter what we were doing, we were happy together.
I loved making you smile and laugh. I loved seeing you happy doing what you loved, or eating a meal I'd prepare for you.
I always wanted you to have the best. Since you were in school, I provided for you. Food, toys, restaurants, trips, ... whatever you wanted. I wanted to give you the world. It felt so good to make you happy.
You would tease me and hint towards wanting to get engaged. After 3 years, it happened. We were so happy, and you were so excited and happy to share the big news. We started planning our wedding, moved into a bigger house, new jobs, everything felt good.
I never expected to love someone so much. This young woman brought so much love, happiness, and adventure into my life. She completed changed everything. Everything was so easy.. effortless.. felt right.
When we moved into your dream home, things became more stressful. The house needed a lot of work, as well as the property. Regardless, we were willing and eager to tackle projects together and were excited to make things our own.
As time went on, and school/work seemed to become more stressful for you, I was left finishing a lot of our projects and maintaining them by myself. I also stepped up and started trying to take on more of the chores and responsibilities so that you could focus on school/work and still have time to relax. I was happy to help give you some relief.
After a few months, your brother asked to be our roommate for a time. I was hesitant, but you encouraged me that it would be a good thing. He would pay and help around the house. At first, it was nice. However, as time we on, it became more and more stressful.
The stress of doing everything and having a roommate that didn't mesh well with us overwhelmed me. I knew it was temporary, so I endured it.
One day, you came home from your new job and expressed what a good day you had.. that you had the chance to work with a different doctor, and that he was very fun and nice. I was so happy to hear it, since I knew you hadn't been having good days and people had been difficult. I was glad you seemed to have a mentor.
You started to have more good days than bad, working with this person more and more. You started talking to me about them more, sharing things you learned and talked with him about. As time went on, I started to feel a bit jealous. You had been spending more time with this person than me... your shifts were long, and I hadn't been seeing you as much. You started even talking to our parents about this person.
I started to notice you texting him while we were at home together. I'd ask, and you'd happily share whatever it was you guys were talking about. One evening, you were texting this doctor late at night. I approached you about this, and expressed how it was making me feel. I felt that it had started to become too much, and wasn't appropriate. I didn't like the idea of this older married man communicating with my young fiance so much. I expressed that I was happy that you had a friend at work, but felt that it was becoming too personal and inappropriate. You tried to reassure me that you were just friends, and that he was old and married, you would never be attracted to him. I stood firm and expressed that I would like for you to only communicate while at work, or for work related matters. You agreed and assured me it was nothing.
As time went on, I noticed you would sometimes hide your phone, turn it away, flip it upside down, or turn it off as I walked by. At first, I thought it was just me being paranoid. But as time went on, it started to mess with my head... otherwise, everything was good, so I told myself it was nothing. You started to enjoy that type of work and decided to join his practice. I was happy you were able to make up your mind and find something you enjoyed. Time went on. At some point, you needed an invasive procedure done... and you requested that doctor complete it. I didn't love the idea, but you preferred to have someone do it that you trusted. After that, the doctor seemed to be a thing of the past.
As the wedding date approached, the excitement increased. We had everything planned out and we were so excited for our big day. I saw how happy you were throughout the whole process. I couldn't believe our big day was right around the corner.
Our wedding was like a dream. Everything came together so nicely. We had the best night of our lives. I loved seeing you so happy with our friends and family there to celebrate with us. We went on a wonderful honeymoon and I felt so loved and appreciated.
Once we returned home, our roommate left, and stress started to decrease dramatically in the house. I was so relieved. You finished school, graduated, and I threw you a big surprise party to celebrate. I had always put together parties for all your special occasions, and I knew you really appreciated that. After so many nights helping you study, it felt wonderful to see you walk across that stage and finally finish.
You shortly after moved to a different hospital, and seemed to really like your new job and everyone there. Life was so good...
The house and our list of responsibilities and all the maintenance was still a lot, but I felt we were quickly starting to knock things off our list.
One week, you started working a lot... I hardly saw you that week. We'd always text and check in, saying we loved eachother, missed eachother, and looked forward to seeing eachother. When the weekend finally arrived, you had mentioned your best friend invited you to join her for girl time. I realized you hadn't seen her much lately and encouraged it.
That weekend, my grandmother had been struggling. I felt alone in our big house and had wished you were there. We checked in on eachother while you were gone. I was expecting you to return one evening, so I had dinner prepared. I was hurt when you didn't arrive and decided to stay another night with your friend.
When I saw you the next morning, I was feeling pretty down. I was already sad about my grandmother, but also felt like an after thought that week. You were so happy to see me, which was nice. We had a nice evening, spent time together, .. you never stopped telling me you loved me.
The next day after work, I got home, and you seemed so cold and distant. You seemed bothered by something. I checked in, asked if you needed anything, then went about my day. It seemed like you wanted space. I checked in every few hours, and you were busy doing something on your laptop.
I prepared dinner and started watching TV. I encouraged you to take a break, eat, and relax some before bed. You joined me on the couch, but was quiet and explained that you had some work to finish.
As it got late, I went up to bed. You explained you'd be up a little longer while you finished your work. As the hours went by, I thought it was so odd that you weren't in bed yet. I knew you had to get up early... sleep was always such a priority. I got up to check on you and to get some water. You were still on your laptop.. I noticed you were looking at rooms to something. I encouraged you to get some sleep. You joined me, looking exhausted.
We cuddled, said we loved eachother, then fell asleep. The next morning, I finished getting ready for work while you slept. As I was getting ready to leave, I sae your laptop. I decided to check and see what you were looking at... another air bnb for a trip? I was curious. We shared the laptop, so I didn't feel like I was invading her privacy.
I opened the laptop and saw apartments. I was so confused. I checker her email.. apartments. I noticed she had Facebook messenger up with recent messages. I checked... my world turned upside down. Those seconds felt like eternity as my heart sounded and my stomach sank. I read a message to a friend saying she wanted a divorce, never loved me, felt like a stranger in her house, dreaded coming home to me, ... that she loved a doctor.. he's married, but his wife is a lesbian. That was easily the worst moment of my life. I panicked and didn't know what to do... I was in shock. After a few minutes, I decided to address this with you.
I quietly walked up the stairs, sat on the edge of the bed, and calmly woke you up. You were sleepy, asking why I woke up.. you still had about 30m before work. I apologized for waking you.. As I looked at you silently, I started to cry. I quietly said "I know...". "I saw the messages". She looked back at me in shock.. eyes wide in the dark. I asked if she had been having an affair. She said no.. then started to look at me as if I wad a stranger. It was a terrible feeling.
You got up to get ready for work, and said we'd talk later that evening. You left. I was standing in the driveway and felt sick. I wasn't sure if I could make it to work.. but being at the house was making me feel worse, so I left. I didn't eat anything that while day. While at work, I prepared myself for our talk.
When we both got home, you pulled up to the house and started to pack some things while I sat on the couch. When you finally joined me, you were quiet.. asked about my day, I asked about yours.. then more silence. I asked what you needed from me. You explained that you were feeling very anxious, and didn't want me to get upset. You said you were going to stay with a friend for a few days to clear your head and wanted to talk once we were both rested.
You left for almost a week while I stayed in our big empty house, taking care of our pets, and completely confused and dead inside. I hardly ate or slept. I desperately started reading and watching whatever information I could find to help explain what was happening and to prepare myself. I spent most of my time thinking, reflecting on our life. I started tonrealize how stressed I had been... and thought about all the things I should/could have done differently. I knew I treated her so well, but no one is perfect.
Looking back, I started to think about all the red flags. Love is blind. I truly loved, trusted, and cared for this person more than anyone in the world. I thought she felt the same way... I never imagined us seperating.
I started to think of that doctor she used to talk about.. and realized she probably never stopped talking to him. I started to realize that my wife had stopped opening up to me... was no longer emotional or vulnerable... her emotional? affair started to kill the emotional intimacy between us.
I was happy just to have her in my life and enjoyed just being with her... she never expressed or talked about being unhappy... if I had known, I feel certain that we could have fixed whatever was lacking. I would have met whichever needs werent being met.
Were you lonely while I was busy working hard for us? Was she bored? I would have happily planned more outings... whenever I suggested something, you expressed that you were tired or didn't show interest. I knew you enjoyed time alone, so I never felt bad doing my own thing. I figured you would tell me of you needed or felt something...
I was so confused... started to question what was real. When did this all start? Why? How? Terrible thoughts entered my mind... so many late shifts, staying the night at the hospital, leaving early to get the air bnbs ready, ...
I also realized that towards the end, you had suddenly started to listen to different music, got a nose piercing, tattoo, talked about signing up for a sport, working out, ... these were all things I knew you had wanted to do for awhile, but it was all so sudden.
Why didn't you ever communicate... I recall you expressing your concern with my stress, but nothing else. I felt that my stress was reasonable considering everything I was doing.. and knew it was temporary. I didn't ignore it though. I saw a therapist, and started making changes. Was it all too late?
When we finally spoke again, it was so nice to just see you. We sat and you were so friendly and sweet - it reassured me that everything was going to be ok. We made small talk and joked, which immediately lightened the mood. You suggested I spoke first. I expressed my feelings and how important the marriage was.. that I'd so anything to save it. I took responsibility for my side of things and expressed the changes I had made and would continue to make. When you started, you expressed that you would always cherish our time together, but we're set on divorce. That we both deserved to be truly happy. Shortly after, you left.
The days after, you started packing your things while I was at work. I was living in a big empty house, every day getting more and more empty. I was a complete mess living in hell. Her family started to reach out to me and shower me with support, apologies, and disbelief. No one could make sense of this.
After a week or so, I couldn't take it any more, so I moved to stay with my parents while we finished moving out. I attempted to stay cordile through all this. You seemed so unphased and happy... texting me and talking to me like we were still best friends.
You explained that you felt bad for saying you never loved me... that you did, but not in the way a wife should love their husband. That it could be years, but in the future, I could count on you.
As time went on, and the pain increased, I was more distant. You texted more and more. Finally, I suggested that we limit communication unless she was interested in working on our marriage.
As the days went by, you grew colder and irritated.. I started to feel like the bad guy. I know you started to feel the weight of your decisons, and starred to project onto me. Making me the bad guy made you feel better. I attempted to end things on a good note... being helpful throughout the move out process, but you were so cold. It hurt so much... 5 wonderful years tossed aside like it never mattered.
I havent talked to you in weeks... I miss my best friend, my love, your family, our pets, and the wonderful life we built. I'm left trying to pickup the pieces. I feel so lost, confused, broken, ...
The tremendous amount of support I've gotten from both sides has helped a lot. I'm seeing a therapist, reading a lot, eating more, working out, and focusing on my self. The days are getting better, but I still have days where I am a mess.
I havent been sleeping well... always tired. Waking up several times, terrible nightmares and thoughts of you being with another man... I still have believe you would be capable of all this.. of hurting me so much.
I have urges to reach out to you... wanting to fix this, that there must be a misunderstanding... there are so many things I'd like to say. I got complacent and comfortable during our time together. I stopped doing the little things as often as I used to... I never meant to hurt you, make you feel lonely, unloved, unappreciated, ... whatever it is you felt. It's difficult for me to accept that my sweet innocent wife was capable of this... surely there was a reason?? I was just so caught up in my list of things... I was working so hard for our future.
I feel like my wife was manipulated by this man... why does an older doctor (20 years older) have a lesbian wife? He doesn't love her like she seems to think... he is using her. I feel sorry for her... I know there is no future there.
I've done a lot of reading on Attachment Styles, Limerence, love addiction, and other things that come as a result of childhood trauma. I feel like a lot of this has to do with her trauma... but also her selfishness and emotional immaturity. There is nothing I can do. I just pray she figures things out on her own, finds longlasting happiness, and puts an end to this cycle.
I would love it if we were able to reconnect in the future... I still deeply love and care for her. I don't want our story to end... none of this feels right. My gut is screaming that this is all wrong. I just know we both need to work on ourselves for the time being.
One day I had it all, the next, it crashed down before my eyes. Meeting you was the best thing to happen to me... you leaving was the worst. You rushed out of my life so quickly... I wish things were different.

Hello everyone! For several years I have rather (in)famously considered myself a lectopriest of my patron, Setesh. This is a role I carried with great honor, but perhaps also to great detriment. You see, one piece of ancient wisdom I chose to ignore was that priesthood was not a 24/7, lifelong role played by individuals. Indeed back then one would only be a priest for a few weeks or months before the off season. With so few people willing to take such roles in modern society, staying in it for several years makes some semblance of sense, but I think to continue would benefit neither others nor, more importantly, myself.
You see, I have noticed, and have had pointed out by people I truly respect and trust, several problems in myself that were either created or (more often) worsened by priesthood, without my own realization until now. For instance one thing which was called out is the responsibility I feel to “correct” others when their views/understanding/etc do not match my own, like pushing the differentiations between historical Egyptian religion as opposed to new ageism (I originally wrote “new age nonsense” which proves my point that this role has led me against pluralism). Or feeling the need to write and read constantly about topics beyond the point of exhaustion when, at best, maybe 5 people even care for that level of information and effort. Or simply an overinflated sense of worth for my own path and knowledge, which directly opposes my more recent attempts at pluralism, such as portraying Kemeticism as good and new ageism as bad, when I know deep down and full well that this is an ignorant and arrogant misunderstanding of the situation, and one is simply good/bad for myself, not for all.
When I reached out to Kemetic last year to clear my name after being mistaken for a Satanist/ToS member, my main argument was that I feel compelled and driven to share knowledge of Setesh and Kemeticism, to correct what I see as ignorance and take at least partial responsibility for the spiritual development of others. That… doesn't fit with my philosophy or metaphysics at all though. I was reminded as recently as yesterday that this is literally not my responsibility, that I’ve basically taken my social work background and applied it to Kemeticism or even the LHP. I hated social work and left for all these same reasons: systems in place limit how much you can help, people don’t even actually want help, and why am I responsible for the lives of others? Perhaps most importantly, is my way even actually better or just working for me and I am causing more harm than good pushing it on others? I cannot help but feel it is almost part of a subconscious masochism those who also have mental illness are likely familiar with, an unconscious drive to put yourself in situations that will only frustrate you and make you sad. And I have to say, I HATE the subconscious for reasons just like this.
Hell, my original goal was to synthesize our knowledge of Setesh into one place in a digestible form, and that project has been completed a few times over, most completely an entire year ago now, my goal is completed and my job is done. I could have spent all this time focusing on the dozens of problems I still have to take care of in my own life and practices, like priesthood was almost a type of deflection and procrastination. I am glad I held the role and helped those who have reached out to let me know, but when we bring it back to my own authentic metaphysical perspective, these are the tiniest drops in a vast, endless ocean. I am glad for and proud of these one-offs, but to chase such one-offs has taken me in the completely wrong direction than intended. And worse it’s had me reading books about priesthood and the like, seeking out dogma of how I “should” or am “suppose to” act as a priest, what duties are required, etc., when this is the type of acceptance of and reliance upon external dogma I abhor and caution against.
My gut reaction was what I used to always do, just leave with my tail between my legs. But upon further reflection I realized I needed to internalize and look inwards in these situations for once, and to practice proper action rather than simply ponder it. To not act like some priest who is initiated into higher mysteries or something, but as just another random person trying to do my best and what I think is right in communities I value. Honestly this is who I would rather be. I will always be Kemetic AND Left Hand Path, always be a child of Setesh, and therefore always be an outsider. Playing the role of a priest (which I will not regret for it led to some of my most useful work and best connections imo) outright contradicts this in so many ways I am honestly a bit embarrassed.
I have quit a lot of things: addictions, websites that were bad for my mental health, negatively reinforcing practices and thoughts, and my new focus is quitting both the social work drive to “fix” things (that often are not even truly “broken”), as well as the arrogance that always crops back up in me to believe that since my way is right for me and has brought me meaning and success, it is not necessarily right for all, maybe even a detriment to them as their path may be to me. My test, as I see it, is not to run away in either anger nor embarrassment, but to face my flaws and actively seek to correct them, such as continuing to engage in forums such as kemetic but as just a guy doing his thing, not the voice of a god, or Kemeticism, or academia, or any such thing.
And to those who helped bring this to my attention again, I thank you. I’ve been told both in friendly and not so friendly ways when dealing with these problems in the past, this most recent being generally friendly. In the past I have been much better about owning my nature as a child of Setesh, and priesthood as I have understood and practiced it is a direct contradiction of that nature. I don’t want to feel this drive to make people think or practice the way I do, nor do I want this drive to act or portray myself a certain way on behalf of others, even my own patron. I mean, one of my greatest magical recommendations is apathy, and I've practiced anything but that.
So today it is in optimism, humility, and hope, not anger, defeat, and arrogance that I step away from the Lector role I've taken, and once again seek to be priest of nothing more than myself and my own way.

Hello everyone! I’ve been studying Spanish on my own for the past 7 months and I’d like to practice my Spanish more so if you’re a native or you’re learning Spanish that would be great🙏🏼
Some things about me: I’m an avid reader (since the beginning of the year I finished reading 35 books), I work out consistently, I like experimenting when it comes to cooking, I rollerblade sometimes and I have a cat!
👋 Please keep the conversation sfw and be at least 23, graciasss💞

Got ghosted in the dumbest way possible...

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