Is lower back pain normal 2 weeks before your period
Cook Something New
2011.11.20 22:27 h3ather Cook Something New
Each week, we give you an ingredient, technique, cuisine, or inspiration. Each week, you cook a dish in that theme and share the results. Each week, your culinary repertoire gets a little bigger.
2013.01.16 03:34 PornhubComments: Showcasing the wit of Pornhub commenters.
Showcasing the wit of Pornhub commenters. Who comments on Pornhub videos? These people.
2011.01.28 09:01 hokeydokey /r/rnb: for those who love to groove.
For any and all discussions, music, and news concerning R&B/Soul — past, present, and future. Share your thoughts and favorite songs! 🎶 🎤
2024.05.21 15:20 GreedyPersonality390 The Divine Blessings of Ayat Karima Wazifa for Marriage
 | Ayat Karima Wazifa for Marriage It is a type of verse in the holy Quran, also called Ayat shifa or those reciting which are believed to have blessings and healing power. According to traditions, if a person recites this verse he should have belief in his heart that what he is saying is true, he should have got true intention to say what he is saying, and if he recites this verse constantly, then his desires are sure to come through. submitted by GreedyPersonality390 to u/GreedyPersonality390 [link] [comments] Ayat Karima Wazifa for Marriage Some of the most common uses of Ayat al Karima include marriage situations, single individuals wanting a partner and those intending to get a partner will pray using the Ayat al Karima so that they can be given a righteous partner and to clear any obstructions preventing them to find a good partner. The ayat karima for marriage is in al Quran, verse number is 255 this ayat found in al Baqarah chapter no. 2. The verse is as follows:The verse is as follows : “He does not want nor does he sleep; everything in the heavens and everything on earth belongs to Him; he who is in a loop of his (control) cannot approach Him unless through his permission; He knows what is in their claw and what is behind them; and they do not elude from the knowledge of their Lord except what He intends; the domain of his empire is the heavens and the earth; and to Him Allah is the Creator, the only only God that deserves to be worshipped; He is eternal, the Lord of existence, the Self-Sufficient. There is no dominion of sleep to Him and no matter what, one cannot make Him to sleep. All the years in the skies above and all the things on the earth below belong to Him. Who shall declare it? Ayat Karima Wazifa for Marriage And who is he that can call to him, or speak a word in his ear, save by permission merely?He knows the disparities before them and the disparities behind them; nothing is hidden from Him unless He chooses to hide it. His seat is of heavens and of earth so also He who cares for them does not grow faint. And he is the Most High, the Most Great. ’ There are some explanations for this name, which can be stated as follows: This verse is a testimony to the greatness of Allah, and the following says that no one has the right to create anything besides Him. It reechoes the fact that it solely rests on Him who determines the outcome of all that He has created from marriage included. Thus, recitation entails an endorsement of a chance for marriage as all aspects of life are in the hands of Allah. The Procedure of Ayat Karima Wazifa for Marriage : Marriage is one of the most important aspects of human life and everyone, especially Muslims, wants to have a good spouse and happy family life. The procedure to perform this wazifa is relatively simple, but requires discipline and consistency: As for the procedure of this wazifa, basically it is not very complicated, but there is certain strictness and daily routine:
Hence, Allah’s grace and mercy shall be sought alongside the recitation of Ayat Karima and people shall be able to get their life partners soon. Such persons should be able to look forward to a hitch free marriage in their future marriage. But ask for goodness for your Akhirah or life after death and also for goodness in this world or your life-in-this-world. Online Free Consultation With Maulana Ji Please Visit: https://www.onlinemaulana.com/ AyatKarima #WazifaForMarriage #IslamicPrayers #MarriageBlessings #QuranicRemedies #DuaForMarriage #IslamicGuidance #LoveandMarriage #DivineBlessings #SpiritualHealing #PiousWazifa #IslamicVerses #SacredTexts #MarriageSolutions #PowerofFaith #MuslimCommunity #BlessingsFromAllah #BeautifulJourney #DivineIntervention #CommitmentandLove |
2024.05.21 15:19 Federal_Machine692 I work as a security guard in a secret government facility, and this is what happened (Part 2)
(Readers, kindly note the length of Part 1 has been increased to comply with nosleep guidelines. The start of the newly added portion has been highlighted in bold.)
Part 1
It was already 5 am when I finally reached his home, and I wasn’t surprised to see him awake. He runs a small illegal gambling den in the city, and usually works late into the night.
[Henry was sitting by the fireside enjoying a pint of beer. I quickly brought him up to speed with the events of the day.]()
[When I was finished, he asked, “Do you still have the telescope?”]()
[I nodded. He took it out from the briefcase and pointed it at the sky. I showed him how to work it, and warned him not crank it up all the way to level 3. He nodded.]()
[And then, he saw it too. All the three spaceships were suspended mid-air. Just like I had spotted them the first time. He was in shock and whistled softly to himself.]()
[“What’s gonna happen Mike? Why do you think they are here?” he asked. I simply shrugged not knowing what to say.]()
[“Are they going to hurt us?” he inquired, sounding worried.]()
[“I’m sure the government already knows of their presence. They must be dealing with them” I replied, though not fully convinced.]()
[He then panned the device straight at me and said “I can see your heart, lungs, spleen and guts from here Mikey!”]()
[He then pointed it down to my trousers and exclaimed “Somebody’s packin down there!’.]()
[I grabbed the telescope and put it back in the briefcase.]()
[“I want to sell this thing to help pay for Jessica’s surgery. Do you know any buyer?” I asked him.]()
[He told me about a smuggler in Tipmann Avenue, which was an hour’s drive away from his house. I decided to visit him first thing in the morning.]()
Henry looked at me in silence. “Mike, you would probably be dead by now had you not received the call from the hospital,” he said a moment later in quiet realization.
“And don’t blame yourself for Joe’s death ok,” he added. “Had you stayed back, you would have all been killed by now, including Buster,’ he reasoned. I nodded in understanding, but deep down I couldn’t shake away the feeling of guilt. Joe was all alone back there and had no body to turn to for help.
Henry then got up and hugged me tight, “I’m glad your fine.” he said.
We spoke for a little while longer before agreeing to call it a night.
As I lay down on his couch, I felt the exhaustion kicking in and immediately fell asleep.
[I looked at my Mickey Mouse watch. It was 5:36 PM. I was happily licking my ice-cream in the backseat of my car when a truck came and rammed into it. I looked around in the car, but I was all alone.]()
[I started doing everything in my power to try and get out. But I was unable to open the door. It was stuck. I tried to smash the window with my foot. But I failed again. It was too strong.]()
[Then a man looked at me from the outside. He had long hair and wore a French beard. He smashed the glass with his elbow and rescued me from the wreckage. ..]()
[I opened my eyes and realized I was still sleeping on Henry’s couch. It was the damn dream again. But it was very different this time, and I had never seen that guy before.]()
[When I looked at the clock I realized it was 3:00 in the afternoon, and my cousin had already left for work.]()
[I got up from the couch, took a quick shower and put on some of Henry’s clothes. While going through his cupboard, I noticed a new jacket and decided to try it on. It fit perfectly, so I decided to keep it. I took out the telescope from the briefcase, and placed it in the inner pocket of my new jacket.]()
[Got in my car with Buster, and took off to meet the smuggler whose address Henry had provided. When I was halfway along, I stopped at a signal to take a right turn to Tipmann Avenue. A man with long black hair and a French beard stopped his bike next to my jeep.]()
[I was a little taken aback at the coincidence because he was the same person who had appeared in my dream this morning. I kept staring at him, while he had his sight fixed on the road. When the signal turned green, he raced ahead and I decided to follow him.]()
[A few miles later, he stopped his bike in front of a store and walked inside.]()
I straightened my shirt and cleared my throat before stepping out of the jeep, and began formulating a plan in my mind as I walked towards the store.
[“Good morning. What can I do for you?” he asked me, when I entered the same shop with Buster.]()
[The man with long hair was manning the counter, and appeared to be in the dry cleaning business. He was wearing a sleeveless jacket with a nameplate that read Adam.]()
[To my surprise, there was another person seated just a few feet away who looked just like him. They were in fact identical twins.]()
[“You saved my life.” I said to Adam.]()
[“Excuse me?” he replied back sounding confused.]()
[“You saved my life when I was involved in a car accident. But that was only a dream” I said to him.]()
[The brothers glanced awkwardly at each other before breaking into a grin, treating me as if I were a mad person.]()
[I simply took the telescope from my jacket, and placed it on the counter in front of Adam. I just wanted to see how he would react. And he immediately recognized the device for what it was. He was not laughing anymore, and I now had all his attention.]()
[“Who are you?” he asked for the first time fully serious.]()
[“My name is Michael. I used to work as a security guard. I found this lying around in an abandoned building.” I said.]()
I refused to divulge any further details about myself.
[“How did you find me?” he asked still looking confused.]()
[“In my dream like I already told you. Now I realize this sounds both stupid and bizarre.”]()
[“So did you really save my life? No, of course not. I saved my own life from the car wreck, and I saved my cousin’s life as well.”]()
[“But there must be a reason why you came in my dream this morning, because I spotted you on your bike only a few hours later. Now I have reached a point in life, where I can longer just ignore incidents like these as mere coincidences.”]()
[“So I decided to follow after you, and here I am, right now, in front of you, in your own store.”]()
[I then tapped on the telescope with my finger and asked. “So, are you interested?”]()
[Adam took a deep long breath and finally asked, “Ok Michael. How much do you want for it?”]()
[I said, “30k. In cash and would like it now please”.]()
[“Why the urgency?”]()
[“My wife needs emergency surgery, and I need the 30 grand to make that happen”]()
Adam nodded.
[“Ok. Let’s go test this thing upstairs. But your dog stays here. Don’t worry. My brother will keep an eye on him. You cool with that?” he asked.]()
[I looked at his brother, and he raised his hand to assure me Buster would be fine. I nodded and followed after Adam to the terrace.]()
[I could see Adam was comfortable with handling the telescope. He had obviously used it before. He placed it in front of his eye, and then began to fidget with the controls. He panned it at various office buildings and continued to keep testing it.]()
[He then passed it back to me saying it wasn’t working properly. I took it from him and began testing it myself.]()
I looked into the telescope. The green display was working fine; I could zoom in and out. I then cranked it up to level 2. I could now see various people busy at work inside their offices.
[When I kept panning the telescope, Adam suddenly came into my line of vision. The telescope suddenly zoomed in to reveal the insides of his chest, and what I saw made the hair on the back of my neck stand up.]()
[There was a little alien residing inside Adam’s body, and he was looking right back at me.]()
[Before I had any time to react, I fell to the floor feeling fully paralyzed. Adam had just tasered me. The only thing I could remember after that was his fist coming in contact with my face, and I lost all consciousness.]()
[When I finally came around, I realized I was still at the dry cleaners. Buster was busy licking my face and wagging his tail. He was obviously happy to see me finally awake. I looked around the store, and the twins were nowhere in sight. Adam obviously must have carried me downstairs after knocking me out.]()
[Meanwhile, on the counter I saw the telescope, and next to it were a stack of bills totaling $30K. There was also a note attached to it.]()
[It read, “Break your little finger if you get into trouble”.]()
[I looked at my palm, and noticed a tiny puncture mark in the webbing of my right hand between the ring and the little finger.]()
[‘What did they inject into my hand? What did that note even mean? And why did they leave the money on the counter without even taking the telescope?’ I thought to myself.]()
[My head was swimming with many unanswered questions. But I was grateful for the money. I immediately wired it to the hospital, and asked the doctor to get started with the surgery. But first I wanted to check in on Henry. For some inexplicable reason, I began to worry about his safety. I got in my car and started to drive towards his place.]()
[When I parked the car outside his home, Buster immediately began to bark. He could sense something was wrong too. I took out my pistol from the dashboard and ran towards his house. I decided to enter through the backdoor, hoping it would give me some kind of tactical advantage if necessary. I kicked the door open, and entered the house through the kitchen to get to the living room.]()
[My heart sank when I looked at Henry’s lifeless body. He was sitting in his favorite chair, killed in the same way as Joe. All that was left of him now, were his skeletal remains. I dropped to my knees, and the tears started flowing down my face.]()
[Buster started barking loudly again. His face looked really tense and I soon realized why.]()
[Three large aliens had suddenly come out of hiding, and their eyes were all fixed on me. They were at least 8 feet tall, with large hands and muscular bodies.]()
[The alien in front of me was brandishing a baton kind of weapon in his hand. Every time he swished it in the air, electrical sparks flew from it. Buster suddenly lunged at him to tear into his leg, but he casually managed to kick him away. He flew back 2 feet in the air and yelped in pain.]()
[I then aimed my gun at him to take him out, when another alien whacked me in the head from behind. And I fell to the floor unconscious for the second time in less than 5 hours.]()
submitted by Federal_Machine692 to nosleep [link] [comments]
Part 1
It was already 5 am when I finally reached his home, and I wasn’t surprised to see him awake. He runs a small illegal gambling den in the city, and usually works late into the night.
[Henry was sitting by the fireside enjoying a pint of beer. I quickly brought him up to speed with the events of the day.]()
[When I was finished, he asked, “Do you still have the telescope?”]()
[I nodded. He took it out from the briefcase and pointed it at the sky. I showed him how to work it, and warned him not crank it up all the way to level 3. He nodded.]()
[And then, he saw it too. All the three spaceships were suspended mid-air. Just like I had spotted them the first time. He was in shock and whistled softly to himself.]()
[“What’s gonna happen Mike? Why do you think they are here?” he asked. I simply shrugged not knowing what to say.]()
[“Are they going to hurt us?” he inquired, sounding worried.]()
[“I’m sure the government already knows of their presence. They must be dealing with them” I replied, though not fully convinced.]()
[He then panned the device straight at me and said “I can see your heart, lungs, spleen and guts from here Mikey!”]()
[He then pointed it down to my trousers and exclaimed “Somebody’s packin down there!’.]()
[I grabbed the telescope and put it back in the briefcase.]()
[“I want to sell this thing to help pay for Jessica’s surgery. Do you know any buyer?” I asked him.]()
[He told me about a smuggler in Tipmann Avenue, which was an hour’s drive away from his house. I decided to visit him first thing in the morning.]()
Henry looked at me in silence. “Mike, you would probably be dead by now had you not received the call from the hospital,” he said a moment later in quiet realization.
“And don’t blame yourself for Joe’s death ok,” he added. “Had you stayed back, you would have all been killed by now, including Buster,’ he reasoned. I nodded in understanding, but deep down I couldn’t shake away the feeling of guilt. Joe was all alone back there and had no body to turn to for help.
Henry then got up and hugged me tight, “I’m glad your fine.” he said.
We spoke for a little while longer before agreeing to call it a night.
As I lay down on his couch, I felt the exhaustion kicking in and immediately fell asleep.
[I looked at my Mickey Mouse watch. It was 5:36 PM. I was happily licking my ice-cream in the backseat of my car when a truck came and rammed into it. I looked around in the car, but I was all alone.]()
[I started doing everything in my power to try and get out. But I was unable to open the door. It was stuck. I tried to smash the window with my foot. But I failed again. It was too strong.]()
[Then a man looked at me from the outside. He had long hair and wore a French beard. He smashed the glass with his elbow and rescued me from the wreckage. ..]()
[I opened my eyes and realized I was still sleeping on Henry’s couch. It was the damn dream again. But it was very different this time, and I had never seen that guy before.]()
[When I looked at the clock I realized it was 3:00 in the afternoon, and my cousin had already left for work.]()
[I got up from the couch, took a quick shower and put on some of Henry’s clothes. While going through his cupboard, I noticed a new jacket and decided to try it on. It fit perfectly, so I decided to keep it. I took out the telescope from the briefcase, and placed it in the inner pocket of my new jacket.]()
[Got in my car with Buster, and took off to meet the smuggler whose address Henry had provided. When I was halfway along, I stopped at a signal to take a right turn to Tipmann Avenue. A man with long black hair and a French beard stopped his bike next to my jeep.]()
[I was a little taken aback at the coincidence because he was the same person who had appeared in my dream this morning. I kept staring at him, while he had his sight fixed on the road. When the signal turned green, he raced ahead and I decided to follow him.]()
[A few miles later, he stopped his bike in front of a store and walked inside.]()
I straightened my shirt and cleared my throat before stepping out of the jeep, and began formulating a plan in my mind as I walked towards the store.
[“Good morning. What can I do for you?” he asked me, when I entered the same shop with Buster.]()
[The man with long hair was manning the counter, and appeared to be in the dry cleaning business. He was wearing a sleeveless jacket with a nameplate that read Adam.]()
[To my surprise, there was another person seated just a few feet away who looked just like him. They were in fact identical twins.]()
[“You saved my life.” I said to Adam.]()
[“Excuse me?” he replied back sounding confused.]()
[“You saved my life when I was involved in a car accident. But that was only a dream” I said to him.]()
[The brothers glanced awkwardly at each other before breaking into a grin, treating me as if I were a mad person.]()
[I simply took the telescope from my jacket, and placed it on the counter in front of Adam. I just wanted to see how he would react. And he immediately recognized the device for what it was. He was not laughing anymore, and I now had all his attention.]()
[“Who are you?” he asked for the first time fully serious.]()
[“My name is Michael. I used to work as a security guard. I found this lying around in an abandoned building.” I said.]()
I refused to divulge any further details about myself.
[“How did you find me?” he asked still looking confused.]()
[“In my dream like I already told you. Now I realize this sounds both stupid and bizarre.”]()
[“So did you really save my life? No, of course not. I saved my own life from the car wreck, and I saved my cousin’s life as well.”]()
[“But there must be a reason why you came in my dream this morning, because I spotted you on your bike only a few hours later. Now I have reached a point in life, where I can longer just ignore incidents like these as mere coincidences.”]()
[“So I decided to follow after you, and here I am, right now, in front of you, in your own store.”]()
[I then tapped on the telescope with my finger and asked. “So, are you interested?”]()
[Adam took a deep long breath and finally asked, “Ok Michael. How much do you want for it?”]()
[I said, “30k. In cash and would like it now please”.]()
[“Why the urgency?”]()
[“My wife needs emergency surgery, and I need the 30 grand to make that happen”]()
Adam nodded.
[“Ok. Let’s go test this thing upstairs. But your dog stays here. Don’t worry. My brother will keep an eye on him. You cool with that?” he asked.]()
[I looked at his brother, and he raised his hand to assure me Buster would be fine. I nodded and followed after Adam to the terrace.]()
[I could see Adam was comfortable with handling the telescope. He had obviously used it before. He placed it in front of his eye, and then began to fidget with the controls. He panned it at various office buildings and continued to keep testing it.]()
[He then passed it back to me saying it wasn’t working properly. I took it from him and began testing it myself.]()
I looked into the telescope. The green display was working fine; I could zoom in and out. I then cranked it up to level 2. I could now see various people busy at work inside their offices.
[When I kept panning the telescope, Adam suddenly came into my line of vision. The telescope suddenly zoomed in to reveal the insides of his chest, and what I saw made the hair on the back of my neck stand up.]()
[There was a little alien residing inside Adam’s body, and he was looking right back at me.]()
[Before I had any time to react, I fell to the floor feeling fully paralyzed. Adam had just tasered me. The only thing I could remember after that was his fist coming in contact with my face, and I lost all consciousness.]()
[When I finally came around, I realized I was still at the dry cleaners. Buster was busy licking my face and wagging his tail. He was obviously happy to see me finally awake. I looked around the store, and the twins were nowhere in sight. Adam obviously must have carried me downstairs after knocking me out.]()
[Meanwhile, on the counter I saw the telescope, and next to it were a stack of bills totaling $30K. There was also a note attached to it.]()
[It read, “Break your little finger if you get into trouble”.]()
[I looked at my palm, and noticed a tiny puncture mark in the webbing of my right hand between the ring and the little finger.]()
[‘What did they inject into my hand? What did that note even mean? And why did they leave the money on the counter without even taking the telescope?’ I thought to myself.]()
[My head was swimming with many unanswered questions. But I was grateful for the money. I immediately wired it to the hospital, and asked the doctor to get started with the surgery. But first I wanted to check in on Henry. For some inexplicable reason, I began to worry about his safety. I got in my car and started to drive towards his place.]()
[When I parked the car outside his home, Buster immediately began to bark. He could sense something was wrong too. I took out my pistol from the dashboard and ran towards his house. I decided to enter through the backdoor, hoping it would give me some kind of tactical advantage if necessary. I kicked the door open, and entered the house through the kitchen to get to the living room.]()
[My heart sank when I looked at Henry’s lifeless body. He was sitting in his favorite chair, killed in the same way as Joe. All that was left of him now, were his skeletal remains. I dropped to my knees, and the tears started flowing down my face.]()
[Buster started barking loudly again. His face looked really tense and I soon realized why.]()
[Three large aliens had suddenly come out of hiding, and their eyes were all fixed on me. They were at least 8 feet tall, with large hands and muscular bodies.]()
[The alien in front of me was brandishing a baton kind of weapon in his hand. Every time he swished it in the air, electrical sparks flew from it. Buster suddenly lunged at him to tear into his leg, but he casually managed to kick him away. He flew back 2 feet in the air and yelped in pain.]()
[I then aimed my gun at him to take him out, when another alien whacked me in the head from behind. And I fell to the floor unconscious for the second time in less than 5 hours.]()
2024.05.21 15:15 Outrageous-Post-7221 Numbness, low libido, no anxiety and al that jazz
Hi everyone, I managed to stay off reddit for like a week, well, not managed but did not feel the need to. After a real bad flare up with extremely high anxiety regarding the fact that my brain told me that I do not want to talk to my partner or spend time with him because it will be awfull and I will not enjoy it. We went on a date at the start I was super anxious , I went to the restaurant bathroom and felt like craying having a breakdown, but managed to get back and stay with the feeling and after some time the conversations started to flow, I truly enjoyed our time together ans was happier than I was the few weels prior to that. We went on a 5 days trip to Paris afterwards and the trip was great, we did things together, cuddled in bed, kissed, all that, my anxiety and thoughts were non existent. The last 2 days though new thoughts appeared, I do no necessarely feel the anxiety but still get the occasional " do I love him only as a friend?" Do not get me wrong, I still enjoy the cuddling, hand holding, kissing, hugging, hair stroking and all that. My problems is the sex, after a somewhat depressive episode caused by the ocd i do not desire sex or even pleasuring myself, I do not think about it or crave it. I know that I want to have a sex life with my partner, and we do have sex and I get easily aroused when kissing and stuff, but I do not feel the passion, or things like that, It is like I am numb or empty, I feel pleasure, but not the feeling of deep connection, it is like I am in a fishbowl looking to outside. And that reinforces my thoughts of loving him as a friend...even if I don't want that to be the case. I am feeling calm even writting this, does this mean that it is true? If I am to think about , i am not feeling much at all, not only in my relationship, things that normally worry me, don't bother me at all right now, I don't have anxiety about not having anxiety, but am still somehow bothered by the lack of it. It is like I am in a fishbowl looking at the world from inside, like I am way to calm, way to normal and I don't like it..i just want my feelings back I would appreciate your oppinions on the matter, truly .
submitted by Outrageous-Post-7221 to ROCD [link] [comments]
2024.05.21 15:13 CoDoRog13 25 DPO “CD 10” Clearblue/Premom progression
 | I’m still in shock and freaking out. submitted by CoDoRog13 to TFABLinePorn [link] [comments] I had a BFN started my “period” on CD 15 (Mother’s day) and bled for about 4.5 days (not as heavy and red as my normal periods) and then tested positive on CD 20 (that Friday) and was completely shocked. I’m wondering if I ovulated later than I was tracking? Initial HCG was 148 and progesterone a 2.5, so I started PIO Injections. Shes guessing i was close to 4 weeks this day. Yesterday, my HCG was a 737 which is great (doc said it needed to be a minimum 596) but I’m still freaking out. I go back tomorrow to do another HCG and progesterone draw. I’m tracking my urine pdg on my into monitor and it jumped from a 14.42 on Saturday to a 40.0 today, so that seems promising. Do my progressions look ok? I’m so worried because I bled last week and my initial progesterone was low my anxiety is through the roof 💔😭😭 |
2024.05.21 15:11 legitfunwriting [M4F] Congratulations Space Colonist! You Have Been Matched with a Mate!
The twin suns of the alien planet were high in the sky outside your window. Birds with four wings chirped and flitted between shoulder high blades of purple grass. Outside your kitchen window a brook babbled quietly between enormous trees twice the size of the giant sequoias of Earth. In the distance you could hear a few of your fellow colonists chatting cheerily. The BUZZ of your communicator interrupted the moment. It read:
Aboard the colonial transport starship, Ares, Paul and a few hundred other male colonists had woken from cryosleep just a few weeks ago. It had taken Paul a few days to adjust, but anti-atrophy system that had been developed a few years ago was really working wonders. He felt stronger than ever. He was playing Spaceball with his friends in the gym when he got the notification.
"Here! Pass!" His friend Tom shouted. Paul threw him the ball. Tom dodged by one opponent, turned as he was blocked by another, and through the ball back to Paul who was now in full sprint. Paul caught the ball in midair and immediately threw it at full speed toward the goal. The BUZZ of the goal sounded almost at the same time as Paul's communicator. Paul wiped sweat from his forehead as he high fived Tom and looked down at his communicator. His heart skipped three beats. He had been matched. His heart pounded more and more as he read your profile. His jaw visibly dropped when he got to your photo.
"Hey man! What's up?" Mark, another friend, walked up to Paul and clapped him on the back as he looked over Paul's shoulder. He immediate saw what was 'up' and he let out a dramatic. "Damn... son! Good for you!"
The rest of the guys ran up to peep over my shoulder. Various comments filtered through. "She is fucking gorgeous," "Holy fucking shit dude," and "You lucky bastard," were some of them.
Finally the guys got back to the game, but Paul's mind never left the profile on his phone or the photo. His head was in the clouds and amongst the stars the rest of the day as he showered after the game, ate dinner, and worked half-heartedly on his usually consuming research.
Paul and the other three guys that he shared quarters with finally went to bed. He took one more glance at your profile as the lightest went out and he tucked himself in his twin-sized bunk cut out from the wall. He drifted off peacefully to sleep to the gentle hum of the engines. He dreamed of the woman in his match message, his future mate. At around 2:00 a.m., the bulge between his legs swelled as he dreamed. The soft fabric of his pajama pants shifted and rose, and rose, and rose... Soon his bedsheets were a mountain in the darkness of the bed quarters. And Paul dreamed even more vividly of his mate. The bulging mountain tensed and shuddered visibly. And then again. And again even more powerfully. A moment later, wetness soaked his pajama bottoms and then the bedsheets over them. The wetness flowed and spread. More, and more and more, until it oozed to cover a large portion of the lower half of the bed. As it finished the outline of a raging hard penis was clearly shown by the soaked bedsheet and pajams clinging to it. Paul simply smiled in his sleep and rolled over. He would have to change, shower, and wash his bed sheets in the morning. Along with enduring some playful teasing from his roommates. But Paul was the happiest man in the universe.
Two weeks later.
It was another beautiful day on the alien planet. It was the day Paul and the other male passengers of the Ares arrived. Paul waved goodbye to his friends as he followed the map on his datapad to your home. He passed an elk like creature with antlers almost the size of its body that was grazing between the trees huge trees. Paul's jaw almost never left the grown as his eyes passed from one alien wonder to the next. Finally he arrived outside your front door, his heart racing. He knocked twice firmly. His deep voice followed. "Hello. It's Paul, Paul Stevens."
Hello! I thought it would be fun to set a smutty, romantic romp on an alien world.
I was also toying with the idea of our characters being somehow genetically enhanced to make them sexy as fuck, which explains Paul's absurd statistics early in the prompt. I am happy to discuss that though. Perhaps they are just hot from centuries of natural selection. Perhaps they were engineered from birth to be perfect space colonists, or perhaps they were given genetic treatment while in cryostasis on the journey, or we can totally ignore the issue and just have them be hot for hotness sake! I do like the idea of our characters being very attractive though. I also have to say I am a HUGE fan of big boobs and big booties.
I know I wrote your part in second person, and mine in third person. I am happy to write my character in either first or third person. I am also happy to write the parts of third party characters that flit in and out of our story, and I would be happy if you also share the burden!
Another idea that might be fun to explore is if additional "mates" are added to our "family" at some point. Not sure on this, happy to hear your thoughts if you are interested.
Some other kinks and interests that may work for the story: detailed writing, creative writing partners, fit characters, big tits, big butts, big cock, lots of cum, passionate fucking, outdoor sex, group sex (when it fits the story), voyeurism, exhibitionism, playful competition and comparison, and I am sure much more!
Limits: noncon, violence, poop, animals, underage, anything else gross or illegal.
Let me know your ideas, or feel free to just jump write in where I left off and answer the door!
I prefer to write by PM, by chat and discord also work. Hope to hear from you soon!
submitted by legitfunwriting to u/legitfunwriting [link] [comments]
Congratulations! The Colonial Supercomputer has located a suitable mate for you. He will arrive in fourteen (14) standard days. His information is as follows:
| Category | Specifications |
|---|---|
| Name | Dr. Paul Stevens |
| Age | 29 |
| Education | PhDs in Astronomy, Astrometrics, and Physics |
| Height | 6'6 |
| Weight | 195 |
| Flaccid Length | 6.9'' |
| Average Seminal Emission (Volume) | testing error |
| Average Seminal Emission (Frequency) | 3.2 Per Standard Rotation |
Paul enjoys nature, good food, a good book, and everything to do with the stars. Please prepare for your mate's arrival. Contact the Colonial Authority if you have any questions.A picture of a ruggedly handsome man with wavy, dirty blond hair, green eyes, and just a bit of stubble followed the message. His eyes were warm and friendly, as was his soft smile.
"Here! Pass!" His friend Tom shouted. Paul threw him the ball. Tom dodged by one opponent, turned as he was blocked by another, and through the ball back to Paul who was now in full sprint. Paul caught the ball in midair and immediately threw it at full speed toward the goal. The BUZZ of the goal sounded almost at the same time as Paul's communicator. Paul wiped sweat from his forehead as he high fived Tom and looked down at his communicator. His heart skipped three beats. He had been matched. His heart pounded more and more as he read your profile. His jaw visibly dropped when he got to your photo.
"Hey man! What's up?" Mark, another friend, walked up to Paul and clapped him on the back as he looked over Paul's shoulder. He immediate saw what was 'up' and he let out a dramatic. "Damn... son! Good for you!"
The rest of the guys ran up to peep over my shoulder. Various comments filtered through. "She is fucking gorgeous," "Holy fucking shit dude," and "You lucky bastard," were some of them.
Finally the guys got back to the game, but Paul's mind never left the profile on his phone or the photo. His head was in the clouds and amongst the stars the rest of the day as he showered after the game, ate dinner, and worked half-heartedly on his usually consuming research.
Paul and the other three guys that he shared quarters with finally went to bed. He took one more glance at your profile as the lightest went out and he tucked himself in his twin-sized bunk cut out from the wall. He drifted off peacefully to sleep to the gentle hum of the engines. He dreamed of the woman in his match message, his future mate. At around 2:00 a.m., the bulge between his legs swelled as he dreamed. The soft fabric of his pajama pants shifted and rose, and rose, and rose... Soon his bedsheets were a mountain in the darkness of the bed quarters. And Paul dreamed even more vividly of his mate. The bulging mountain tensed and shuddered visibly. And then again. And again even more powerfully. A moment later, wetness soaked his pajama bottoms and then the bedsheets over them. The wetness flowed and spread. More, and more and more, until it oozed to cover a large portion of the lower half of the bed. As it finished the outline of a raging hard penis was clearly shown by the soaked bedsheet and pajams clinging to it. Paul simply smiled in his sleep and rolled over. He would have to change, shower, and wash his bed sheets in the morning. Along with enduring some playful teasing from his roommates. But Paul was the happiest man in the universe.
It was another beautiful day on the alien planet. It was the day Paul and the other male passengers of the Ares arrived. Paul waved goodbye to his friends as he followed the map on his datapad to your home. He passed an elk like creature with antlers almost the size of its body that was grazing between the trees huge trees. Paul's jaw almost never left the grown as his eyes passed from one alien wonder to the next. Finally he arrived outside your front door, his heart racing. He knocked twice firmly. His deep voice followed. "Hello. It's Paul, Paul Stevens."
I was also toying with the idea of our characters being somehow genetically enhanced to make them sexy as fuck, which explains Paul's absurd statistics early in the prompt. I am happy to discuss that though. Perhaps they are just hot from centuries of natural selection. Perhaps they were engineered from birth to be perfect space colonists, or perhaps they were given genetic treatment while in cryostasis on the journey, or we can totally ignore the issue and just have them be hot for hotness sake! I do like the idea of our characters being very attractive though. I also have to say I am a HUGE fan of big boobs and big booties.
I know I wrote your part in second person, and mine in third person. I am happy to write my character in either first or third person. I am also happy to write the parts of third party characters that flit in and out of our story, and I would be happy if you also share the burden!
Another idea that might be fun to explore is if additional "mates" are added to our "family" at some point. Not sure on this, happy to hear your thoughts if you are interested.
Some other kinks and interests that may work for the story: detailed writing, creative writing partners, fit characters, big tits, big butts, big cock, lots of cum, passionate fucking, outdoor sex, group sex (when it fits the story), voyeurism, exhibitionism, playful competition and comparison, and I am sure much more!
Limits: noncon, violence, poop, animals, underage, anything else gross or illegal.
Let me know your ideas, or feel free to just jump write in where I left off and answer the door!
I prefer to write by PM, by chat and discord also work. Hope to hear from you soon!
2024.05.21 15:09 Nice-Feed3339 Fibroids
I'm a 25(f), recently I got diagnosed with fibroids and I thought I might share some tips that has helped me manage them.
At the moment I'm doing intermittent fasting to loose a bit of weight especially on my tummy cause when you are overweight you tend to produce a lot of estrogen which is bad if you have fibroids.
I'm using vitamin D which has been shown to reduce fibroids especially in black women. I use natural meds that help balance my hormones.
And if you suffer from painful periods use zinc sulfate 2 to 4 days before your ps and it will help you reduce pain when you are on your periods. Being active helps, at the moment I just increased my steps. I'm not on any family planning. If you have any tips please share.
submitted by Nice-Feed3339 to KenyanLadies [link] [comments]
At the moment I'm doing intermittent fasting to loose a bit of weight especially on my tummy cause when you are overweight you tend to produce a lot of estrogen which is bad if you have fibroids.
I'm using vitamin D which has been shown to reduce fibroids especially in black women. I use natural meds that help balance my hormones.
And if you suffer from painful periods use zinc sulfate 2 to 4 days before your ps and it will help you reduce pain when you are on your periods. Being active helps, at the moment I just increased my steps. I'm not on any family planning. If you have any tips please share.
2024.05.21 15:08 Dull-Attitude-3735 My endurance dropped rapidly after recovering from injury...
Today I had my first non-adapted session after recovering from minor ankle injury that I got 2.5 weeks ago and it felt like my very first sessions when I started with Freeletics.
I was surprised with the very high mental resistance for some exercises that I used to do ok before injury. 5 rounds of 10 sprawls (50 total). Today I had to take long breaks between rounds and exercises in order to finish the interval.
During my injury period I was adapting the coach sessions to exclude lower leg exercises, so all the sessions during the past 2.5 weeks were Conditioning sessions, no endurance, as those rely heavily on legs.
I guess it will take me some time until I get to my pre-injury endurance levels. But just wanted to share my experience.
Some more context: journey is Balanced Burn (2nd time).
During my injury I also upped my intermittent fasting to an average of 18h a day from 16h. And started eating less (between 1600-2000 kcal) as my goal for now is mainly to lose body fat I am male 31years old, 181cm/5'11 78kg/172pounds, 20.3% body fat.
submitted by Dull-Attitude-3735 to freeletics [link] [comments]
I was surprised with the very high mental resistance for some exercises that I used to do ok before injury. 5 rounds of 10 sprawls (50 total). Today I had to take long breaks between rounds and exercises in order to finish the interval.
During my injury period I was adapting the coach sessions to exclude lower leg exercises, so all the sessions during the past 2.5 weeks were Conditioning sessions, no endurance, as those rely heavily on legs.
I guess it will take me some time until I get to my pre-injury endurance levels. But just wanted to share my experience.
Some more context: journey is Balanced Burn (2nd time).
During my injury I also upped my intermittent fasting to an average of 18h a day from 16h. And started eating less (between 1600-2000 kcal) as my goal for now is mainly to lose body fat I am male 31years old, 181cm/5'11 78kg/172pounds, 20.3% body fat.
2024.05.21 15:06 andreiz19 Thought we built a perfect relationship, WTF? My M(41) wife (F37) of 10 years (12 together) out of the blue decided she wasn't in love anymore and wants to "YOLO" it. She is moving out next month. We have a 3 year old boy. Where to go from here? What am I overlooking?
Background: We are in the US, MCOL major east coast city. We own a house and a car. Income is jointly 200k+, split more of less equally. Expenses are divided equally. Both have Masters degrees. Political and ethical values are almost exactly aligned across all subjects. We have a normal social circle (somewhat diminished by COVID) with regular interactions, weekly brunches, sports watching, game nights etc. I am on great terms with her family, her mother and brother visit 3-4 times a year and stay with us. My parents visit 5-6 times a year a stay with us as well. As far as I can tell she is on good terms with them as well. Both of our parents and relatives are extremely supportive and friendly. Life has been on basically easy mode for the last 5 years, which is ironically one of her complaints: "We are just coasting". We are doing great financially, maxing out (401k) and saving for our kids education. We are both calm and rational. Fight frequency is around 3 times per year and manifests itself as us just taking time and space apart for a few days and everything goes back to normal. There is no yelling, or physical violence, or any discomfort. It's more of a "I need some space to myself right now".
Last month my wife announced she is leaving next month. This came as a complete shock to me. At first I thought it was a joke, then an attempt to get me to do something, then the realization she was serious. I have attempted everything I can think of to find an avenue of moving forward together but all has fallen on deaf ears. I offered counseling, taking time apart, seeing other people romantically, a period of focusing of treating each other with special care and affection, etc. Everything has been dismissed without any thought. Furthermore, I'm not getting a further explanation than "I'm not in love anymore". Ok, now admittedly the intensity of the romantic feelings have declined, but I thought this was just the natural cycle of being married. Intense romantic attraction over time transforms into something more stable with age. A form of love where companionship, friendship, non physical affection take an increasingly more prominent role as the relationship ages and I was ok with it. Until very recently we still had a healthy sexual life (about 10 times per week). I find her attractive and it came as a complete shock when she announced seemingly out of nowhere that she wasn't sexually attracted to me anymore. We had disagreements in the past about the sex frequency and settled on 2.5 hours per week whenever possible of sexy time devoted entirely to us. At some point she started making jokes about how my sexual drive is supposed to slow down at this point and maybe I should find a younger woman to satisfy me. I thought this was just playful banter.
It is my personal belief that a good relationship is based on the quality of the experiences people have together. Earlier in the relationship, we traveled all across the world, taking a month of vacation per year to exotic places. We ran marathons together, played video games together, cooked together, did yoga together, etc. The nature of our experiences together was always overwhelmingly positive. When we decided to have kids we came to an agreement that we'd stay together no matter what until they were 18, this is part of the reason I feel betrayed now. I realize it's a stupid thing to agree to, but it made sense at the time. Since she got pregnant everything changed, our relationship didn't just not take priority, it fell out of the top 10. Work, childcare, her personal hobbies, her extended family all of a sudden became more important. I was cognizant of this change and tried to implement special time for us alone together, but was met with lukewarm responses at best. She was dragging her feet on everything, making it seem that usual things like attending a friends wedding was all of a sudden a great favor she was doing for everyone. I tried my best to suggest things for us to do together, but increasingly got rejected more and more. Fine. I thought this was just a phase. We'll tough it out and recapture the magic as our kid gets older. I should say that she has been acting depressed, not enjoying life, complaining about work more and more. One complaint she had since our kid was born was lack of support in childcare. In the first 2 years, our child preferred the company of his mother, I thought this was normal and understandable. We tried multiple times for me to give him baths, get him dressed, but he would always start crying and ask for his mother. Since he became 3, he increasingly wants to spend time with me more and more. So while asking for more help, my wife refused offers for me to make school lunches, get him dressed for school, and walk him to school and back. I'm lost on how to proceed.
Goal #1: Discover and work towards a future in which we stay together as a family.
Goal #2: If goal #1 is not possible, work towards the best possible future for our kid.
submitted by andreiz19 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
Last month my wife announced she is leaving next month. This came as a complete shock to me. At first I thought it was a joke, then an attempt to get me to do something, then the realization she was serious. I have attempted everything I can think of to find an avenue of moving forward together but all has fallen on deaf ears. I offered counseling, taking time apart, seeing other people romantically, a period of focusing of treating each other with special care and affection, etc. Everything has been dismissed without any thought. Furthermore, I'm not getting a further explanation than "I'm not in love anymore". Ok, now admittedly the intensity of the romantic feelings have declined, but I thought this was just the natural cycle of being married. Intense romantic attraction over time transforms into something more stable with age. A form of love where companionship, friendship, non physical affection take an increasingly more prominent role as the relationship ages and I was ok with it. Until very recently we still had a healthy sexual life (about 10 times per week). I find her attractive and it came as a complete shock when she announced seemingly out of nowhere that she wasn't sexually attracted to me anymore. We had disagreements in the past about the sex frequency and settled on 2.5 hours per week whenever possible of sexy time devoted entirely to us. At some point she started making jokes about how my sexual drive is supposed to slow down at this point and maybe I should find a younger woman to satisfy me. I thought this was just playful banter.
It is my personal belief that a good relationship is based on the quality of the experiences people have together. Earlier in the relationship, we traveled all across the world, taking a month of vacation per year to exotic places. We ran marathons together, played video games together, cooked together, did yoga together, etc. The nature of our experiences together was always overwhelmingly positive. When we decided to have kids we came to an agreement that we'd stay together no matter what until they were 18, this is part of the reason I feel betrayed now. I realize it's a stupid thing to agree to, but it made sense at the time. Since she got pregnant everything changed, our relationship didn't just not take priority, it fell out of the top 10. Work, childcare, her personal hobbies, her extended family all of a sudden became more important. I was cognizant of this change and tried to implement special time for us alone together, but was met with lukewarm responses at best. She was dragging her feet on everything, making it seem that usual things like attending a friends wedding was all of a sudden a great favor she was doing for everyone. I tried my best to suggest things for us to do together, but increasingly got rejected more and more. Fine. I thought this was just a phase. We'll tough it out and recapture the magic as our kid gets older. I should say that she has been acting depressed, not enjoying life, complaining about work more and more. One complaint she had since our kid was born was lack of support in childcare. In the first 2 years, our child preferred the company of his mother, I thought this was normal and understandable. We tried multiple times for me to give him baths, get him dressed, but he would always start crying and ask for his mother. Since he became 3, he increasingly wants to spend time with me more and more. So while asking for more help, my wife refused offers for me to make school lunches, get him dressed for school, and walk him to school and back. I'm lost on how to proceed.
Goal #1: Discover and work towards a future in which we stay together as a family.
Goal #2: If goal #1 is not possible, work towards the best possible future for our kid.
2024.05.21 15:06 Potential_Help_5296 My zoloft experience vs my prozac experience
I started taking zoloft at the age of of 16 from constant over stimulation that had started once i hit puberty at 11 years old. The first few months on zoloft i felt happier than i had ever felt before to a pretty extreme extent. I didnt know this was an odd reaction to ssri’s especially since up to the age of 16 i had never done any drugs. I hadn’t ever even had caffeine before besides the low amount in soda which I rarely ever had. The reason im saying this is because there were nothing in my life i had experienced that was mind altering. This is why i didnt know at the time that i was really, really high on zoloft. Apparently it was obvious to my family who have said it was very obvious something was wrong once I started. I became the most extreme extrovert anyone could ever become. This all lead to me going from a normal 3.0 gpa to graduating with a 1.8 gpa. I became a drug addict in the worst way possible. I had become so impulsive. I went from being a kid who never lies or does anything bad to the guy who lies for no reason. I became a poly addict within months of starting zoloft. I became completely disconnected from not only friends but to my parents as well. This continued for 2 years until i finally stopped taking it at 18. Once i stopped taking zoloft i did a complete 180, well sort of. The addictions i picked up on zoloft for the most part stopped, except for one drug which i still struggle with. That being adderall and vyvanse. Thank the lord i never met anyone with meth during this time. There were other drugs i was addicted too as well while on zoloft like oxycodone, hydrocodone, weed, nicotine, xanax, Klonopin, alcohol and even more. I was addicted to all of these. I couldnt stop thinking about getting high. Its all i thought about. Always thinking of ways to get drugs. My parents had to buy a safe specifically for there prescriptions to keep me from stealing them. Even my own zoloft was in there safe because i would take 4 a day when i was prescribed to take one 50mg. I even abused tylenal(acetaminophen). My parents also couldn’t keep alcohol anywhere in the house since everynight after they went to bed i would search the whole house for it.
Second time on ssri’s
Right around when i had turned 20 i began getting my first ever panic attacks. Most of them were the normal panic attacks, well normal probably isn’t the right word. I mean most of the attacks i had i could deal with on my own since they all happened at night when i was alone. One night though that changed. This particular night i felt that dreadful anxiety which i had been feeling for the past couple weeks already but it had never gotten to the point where it was too overwhelming for me deal with on my own. I was just laying in bed going to sleep, then it just happened in less than a second i knew i was gonna die. I knew this was it. I couldn’t breathe or i guess i could breathe but for some reason every time i would inhale it was just like i wasn’t idk. That immediate overwhelming feeling of death is the worst pain i hade ever felt. Worse than any physical pain id ever had, well i guess its the worst thing i’ve ever felt period at least at this point in my life. Because of this i went to the doctor. I refused to take ssri’s for it while also really trying to stay away from benzodiazepines for obvious reasons. So i perscribed Buspiron which is kinda in its on catargory. It’s non addictive and its not an antidepressant. So I took it for just about a month. Made me lowkey feel like shit. Constant headaches along with being really hot which is kinda problem since i work physical labor pretty much only outside all while it’s july. So unfortunately the only other option was ssri’s since im still on my parents health insurance my mom would never in a million years allow me take benzodiazepine which is obviously understandable. So i get a script for prozac cause it’s not Zoloft so maybe it’ll be a little different. Boy oh boy was it different. So basically the prozac ended up doing exactly the opposite of what the Zoloft did. I became more depressed than i had ever been by a landslide. Legit would fantasize killing myself. The first two weeks on prozac i would do nothing. Like straight up nothing but think about how amazing it would be to get relief by meeting up with my favorite tree. Eventually it went away for the most part. Then i stopped taking it 3 moths ago, so i was on it for 9 months total. I just felt normal on it for the most part. The only other thing it did that was bothersome was make me a little short tempered.
Ive just been curious if anyone else has experienced something similar to me.
submitted by Potential_Help_5296 to depression [link] [comments]
Like i said though once I turned 18 i stopped taking zoloft and just like that all of my hyper focused drug cravings went away, all of them except for amphetamines which i still struggle with today. Also this isnt really related but when i was 19 i tried molly(mdma) with a friend which i had only had gotten because i started abusing amphetamines again which for some reason amphetamines also make me impulsive, but not to the same level as Zoloft though. Anyways when i took the molly, guess what it felt like?! It was literally the exact same head space and just over all feeling i had during the first 6 moths on Zoloft. It felt exactly the same, just it only lasted for a few hourse and made me very umm aroused, and a bit hyped.Im about to turn 21 in 7 days so it really hasnt been to long since my manic days.
Second time on ssri’s
Right around when i had turned 20 i began getting my first ever panic attacks. Most of them were the normal panic attacks, well normal probably isn’t the right word. I mean most of the attacks i had i could deal with on my own since they all happened at night when i was alone. One night though that changed. This particular night i felt that dreadful anxiety which i had been feeling for the past couple weeks already but it had never gotten to the point where it was too overwhelming for me deal with on my own. I was just laying in bed going to sleep, then it just happened in less than a second i knew i was gonna die. I knew this was it. I couldn’t breathe or i guess i could breathe but for some reason every time i would inhale it was just like i wasn’t idk. That immediate overwhelming feeling of death is the worst pain i hade ever felt. Worse than any physical pain id ever had, well i guess its the worst thing i’ve ever felt period at least at this point in my life. Because of this i went to the doctor. I refused to take ssri’s for it while also really trying to stay away from benzodiazepines for obvious reasons. So i perscribed Buspiron which is kinda in its on catargory. It’s non addictive and its not an antidepressant. So I took it for just about a month. Made me lowkey feel like shit. Constant headaches along with being really hot which is kinda problem since i work physical labor pretty much only outside all while it’s july. So unfortunately the only other option was ssri’s since im still on my parents health insurance my mom would never in a million years allow me take benzodiazepine which is obviously understandable. So i get a script for prozac cause it’s not Zoloft so maybe it’ll be a little different. Boy oh boy was it different. So basically the prozac ended up doing exactly the opposite of what the Zoloft did. I became more depressed than i had ever been by a landslide. Legit would fantasize killing myself. The first two weeks on prozac i would do nothing. Like straight up nothing but think about how amazing it would be to get relief by meeting up with my favorite tree. Eventually it went away for the most part. Then i stopped taking it 3 moths ago, so i was on it for 9 months total. I just felt normal on it for the most part. The only other thing it did that was bothersome was make me a little short tempered.
Ive just been curious if anyone else has experienced something similar to me.
2024.05.21 15:06 sockmunkie22 [UPDATE 2] AITJ for cutting my SIL out of my life, even if it upsets the family norms?
Original Post: https://www.reddit.com/AmITheJerk/comments/1csum48/aitj_for_cutting_my_sil_out_of_my_life_even_if_it/
Update 1: https://www.reddit.com/AmITheJerk/comments/1cu5yfv/update_1_aitj_for_cutting_my_sil_out_of_my_life/
So as ya'll know, Myself, Fern and Tom had planned some Mother's Day gifts for MIL. I gotta admit, I was worried that Margaret would show up and ruin the whole thing, but it was actually a surprisingly good day- mostly because she wasn't there, which was the OBVIOUS elephant in the room the whole time. Tom worked the grill for a while and we had MIL open the gifts I had planned - it was a small pirate chest filled with letters from Myself, Fern, and Tom telling her how wonderful of a mother she was (I had aged them and weathered them to look waterlogged and like they'd been around for a long time). I made her a boondoggle that said "number one mom" that had our names dangling from it. She opened the collage...the whole thing left her in happy tears, which was nice but also sad at the same time. She said "OP, you're such a shit for making me cry" then gave me a big hug. MIL started to talk about it all ("It's been really rough and I've been having a really hard time"), but it was cut off by the men fussing over the grill. I made the rest of lunch and we had a really, really good time for the most part.
I clocked FIL's behavior in Margaret's absence. He wandered off into the yard and stood by himself for extended periods of time, staring at the ground in silence. I registered it as pain- I'm not gonna lie, it was PALPABLE how much easier and fun and quiet the afternoon was with Margaret being intentionally excluded. I could tell that MIL really needed to talk about what was going on, especially since she was being absolutely flooded with love (in stark contrast to what she's been receiving from Margaret). I approached her towards the end of the evening- she revealed to me what she had put in the letter. Essentially, it reads something like this.
"dear Margaret- I am sorry that we are having such a hard time seeing eye to eye. I have had my conflicts with Fern and Tom in the past that we have been able to resolve; Since you do not wish to speak to me directly, I am hoping that we can communicate this way to see each other more clearly. I think youre upset with me because I married your dad- but I am not sure because you will not tell me what is wrong. I want to make peace with you, but I cannot do that with you so blatantly disrespecting me. I feel like I deserve an apology- I feel used by you, especially since I signed your lease for you when you asked right before this happened. Please write me back so we can resolve this, I love you."
Apparently, MIL had FIL read it before she sent it- this looks like a last ditch effort to rectify the tension, but I'm not sure what the outcome will be because we ALL know that Margaret is going to freak the fuck out the second she reads it. Margaret can't handle any blame and has no sense of accountability. We can all see it coming- so definitely expect an update on that.
On the ride home I absolutely fell apart. It made me so sad that she has had to go to these lengths to remedy a situation that she didn't cause in the first place. I was also very, very angry at FIL and basically the whole family for letting this go on for as long as it has.. I ended up confronting Tom about this again. I told him that there are 600 strangers on reddit calling him and his whole family spineless, and that I have found myself defending them because I know otherwise, but that in this situation those 600 strangers are absolutely right. I said that I know his dad is human, but that they are all a bunch of cowards for the "fend for yourself, just let it go" attitude they have when it comes to each of them being so wildly abused and disrespected AS A FAMILY. Fern deserves better than to have a sister that has told ME that "the reason Fern got SA'd as a kid is because h"e put himself out there like that" (excuse me?). Cory deserves better than a wife who threatens to call the cops on him for not making her dinner (huh?) . Tom deserves a better sister than one who has called me to tell me "He's a creep and I bet he's done things to little girls before" (no idea where that one came from). MIL deserves better than someone who asks her for money and favors only to turn around and rip her to shreds (the entitlement?). And FIL deserves better than to have such little self esteem that he'd rather watch his family disintegrate rather than cut out the cancer.
Yeah, I was heated. Margaret makes shit up, takes things out of context, and regularly demonstrates that she genuinely feels the world is out to get her and that everyone else is the problem. I did not let up.
Tom listened very patiently- we exchanged a lot of words and the conversation took over an hour, the end result being "My dad is nearing approachable about this subject. Today showed him the kind of life we can have without her; you definitely launched a psychological bomb at him with how well you planned the day and how much you showed MIL that she's worth something. He's struggling, but I promise that I'll talk to him about it soon. We talk 3 times a week, he knows its coming."
The last statement I made was "I am not an 'on the fence' person. I'm the only one who has outright picked a side- and it's not Margaret's because I refuse to enable this insanity anymore. It's wrong, and you guys are wrong for coddling a grown woman's hurt ego knowing that its harming literally EVERYONE else in the family. Pick a side, and be done with it. I refuse to let MIL go this alone."
We will see how much longer the circus goes on. I anticipate the events that happened this weekend leading to the biggest blow up that Margaret has had yet- the shady online posts have already started (per Tom, who has found it amusing and low of her). It's about to get a lot crazier when this letter hits, and even worse when she eventually visits FIL and sees a giant collage with all the kids except for her.
There's SO many of you that have said that you are emotionally invested in my story- I'll continue to update so we all get the closure we need. Thanks for all the support (and trash talking, I've gotten quite a few LOLs out of the comments).
Stay tuned I guess!
submitted by sockmunkie22 to AmITheJerk [link] [comments]
Update 1: https://www.reddit.com/AmITheJerk/comments/1cu5yfv/update_1_aitj_for_cutting_my_sil_out_of_my_life/
So as ya'll know, Myself, Fern and Tom had planned some Mother's Day gifts for MIL. I gotta admit, I was worried that Margaret would show up and ruin the whole thing, but it was actually a surprisingly good day- mostly because she wasn't there, which was the OBVIOUS elephant in the room the whole time. Tom worked the grill for a while and we had MIL open the gifts I had planned - it was a small pirate chest filled with letters from Myself, Fern, and Tom telling her how wonderful of a mother she was (I had aged them and weathered them to look waterlogged and like they'd been around for a long time). I made her a boondoggle that said "number one mom" that had our names dangling from it. She opened the collage...the whole thing left her in happy tears, which was nice but also sad at the same time. She said "OP, you're such a shit for making me cry" then gave me a big hug. MIL started to talk about it all ("It's been really rough and I've been having a really hard time"), but it was cut off by the men fussing over the grill. I made the rest of lunch and we had a really, really good time for the most part.
I clocked FIL's behavior in Margaret's absence. He wandered off into the yard and stood by himself for extended periods of time, staring at the ground in silence. I registered it as pain- I'm not gonna lie, it was PALPABLE how much easier and fun and quiet the afternoon was with Margaret being intentionally excluded. I could tell that MIL really needed to talk about what was going on, especially since she was being absolutely flooded with love (in stark contrast to what she's been receiving from Margaret). I approached her towards the end of the evening- she revealed to me what she had put in the letter. Essentially, it reads something like this.
"dear Margaret- I am sorry that we are having such a hard time seeing eye to eye. I have had my conflicts with Fern and Tom in the past that we have been able to resolve; Since you do not wish to speak to me directly, I am hoping that we can communicate this way to see each other more clearly. I think youre upset with me because I married your dad- but I am not sure because you will not tell me what is wrong. I want to make peace with you, but I cannot do that with you so blatantly disrespecting me. I feel like I deserve an apology- I feel used by you, especially since I signed your lease for you when you asked right before this happened. Please write me back so we can resolve this, I love you."
Apparently, MIL had FIL read it before she sent it- this looks like a last ditch effort to rectify the tension, but I'm not sure what the outcome will be because we ALL know that Margaret is going to freak the fuck out the second she reads it. Margaret can't handle any blame and has no sense of accountability. We can all see it coming- so definitely expect an update on that.
On the ride home I absolutely fell apart. It made me so sad that she has had to go to these lengths to remedy a situation that she didn't cause in the first place. I was also very, very angry at FIL and basically the whole family for letting this go on for as long as it has.. I ended up confronting Tom about this again. I told him that there are 600 strangers on reddit calling him and his whole family spineless, and that I have found myself defending them because I know otherwise, but that in this situation those 600 strangers are absolutely right. I said that I know his dad is human, but that they are all a bunch of cowards for the "fend for yourself, just let it go" attitude they have when it comes to each of them being so wildly abused and disrespected AS A FAMILY. Fern deserves better than to have a sister that has told ME that "the reason Fern got SA'd as a kid is because h"e put himself out there like that" (excuse me?). Cory deserves better than a wife who threatens to call the cops on him for not making her dinner (huh?) . Tom deserves a better sister than one who has called me to tell me "He's a creep and I bet he's done things to little girls before" (no idea where that one came from). MIL deserves better than someone who asks her for money and favors only to turn around and rip her to shreds (the entitlement?). And FIL deserves better than to have such little self esteem that he'd rather watch his family disintegrate rather than cut out the cancer.
Yeah, I was heated. Margaret makes shit up, takes things out of context, and regularly demonstrates that she genuinely feels the world is out to get her and that everyone else is the problem. I did not let up.
Tom listened very patiently- we exchanged a lot of words and the conversation took over an hour, the end result being "My dad is nearing approachable about this subject. Today showed him the kind of life we can have without her; you definitely launched a psychological bomb at him with how well you planned the day and how much you showed MIL that she's worth something. He's struggling, but I promise that I'll talk to him about it soon. We talk 3 times a week, he knows its coming."
The last statement I made was "I am not an 'on the fence' person. I'm the only one who has outright picked a side- and it's not Margaret's because I refuse to enable this insanity anymore. It's wrong, and you guys are wrong for coddling a grown woman's hurt ego knowing that its harming literally EVERYONE else in the family. Pick a side, and be done with it. I refuse to let MIL go this alone."
We will see how much longer the circus goes on. I anticipate the events that happened this weekend leading to the biggest blow up that Margaret has had yet- the shady online posts have already started (per Tom, who has found it amusing and low of her). It's about to get a lot crazier when this letter hits, and even worse when she eventually visits FIL and sees a giant collage with all the kids except for her.
There's SO many of you that have said that you are emotionally invested in my story- I'll continue to update so we all get the closure we need. Thanks for all the support (and trash talking, I've gotten quite a few LOLs out of the comments).
Stay tuned I guess!
2024.05.21 15:06 grewupinwpg Crashes and freezing - Windows 11 / RTX 3060 TI - variety of errors 🤔
I've been experiencing system crashes, freezes and loads of critical/warnings in the event log viewer I've been trying to sort through the last few days without much success. I'm going to try to summarize things as much as I can, and include any data I have while I'm not at the machine (I'm on the way to work at the moment).
Any help or guidance on other things to try is appreciated. I want to avoid bringing it in to the shop for service if possible!
Below is a summary of what I've tried so far with as much detail as I can:
May 18th - First series of crashes identified 'GameInputSvc.exe' as a source of trouble in the event log. When I googled the errors, it led me to this thread (https://www.reddit.com/WindowsHelp/comments/18bb6e0/gameinput_service_stops_working_after_windows_11/) and uninstalled Game Input app from the Windows Apps list, as it showed it was from 2023. I no longer saw this in the task manager after a reboot.
May 19th - more crashes while playing Fallout 4 or just booting up. Looked at the event log and it showed the WiFi driver was crashing. When I googled it, some threads mentioned the Intel Driver and Support software as a possible source. I uninstalled that software. Installed the WiFi driver from my PC manufacturers website (MSI).
Some examples of errors: "Display driver nvlddmkm stopped responding and has successfully recovered." "Intel(R) Wi-Fi 6 AX200 160MHz : Has encountered an internal error and has failed." "5007 - TX/CMD timeout (TfdQueue hanged)"
This one was prominent especially the next day (May 20th):
"The description for Event ID 0 from source nvlddmkm cannot be found. Either the component that raises this event is not installed on your local computer or the installation is corrupted. You can install or repair the component on the local computer.
If the event originated on another computer, the display information had to be saved with the event.
The following information was included with the event:
\Device\Video3 Error occurred on GPUID: 100"
This clearly indicates an issue with the video card drivers. I reverted to the older version of video drivers for my RTX 3060 TI. I was able to play games and use the PC without issue for a while. Then it began to crash again. Back into the event viewer.
Found these posts: https://www.nvidia.com/en-us/geforce/forums/discove54045/the-nvlddmkm-error-what-is-it-an-fyi-for-those-seeing-this-issue/ And this one which I've highlighted what I think is the relevant part below: https://www.reddit.com/nvidia/comments/1cnxgy8/game_ready_driver_55244_faqdiscussion/
"If it still crashes, we have a few other troubleshooting steps but this is fairly involved and you should not do it if you do not feel comfortable. Proceed below at your own risk:
However I left my machine on after playing Fallout 4 fine for a few hours and it crashed about 6 min after I left it to go to bed (according to event log).
I can provide a link to my reliability report XML if that helps. I'll also try to save the event log later today.
I'm at the point of reinstalling Windows tonight as a final step before I take the box in to my local PC shop, which will take a week or 2 to fix. I'd really like to avoid that cost if I can.
Please let me know if there is anything I can run or provide once I'm back home from work. Thanks again for reading and any help.
submitted by grewupinwpg to techsupport [link] [comments]
Any help or guidance on other things to try is appreciated. I want to avoid bringing it in to the shop for service if possible!
Below is a summary of what I've tried so far with as much detail as I can:
May 18th - First series of crashes identified 'GameInputSvc.exe' as a source of trouble in the event log. When I googled the errors, it led me to this thread (https://www.reddit.com/WindowsHelp/comments/18bb6e0/gameinput_service_stops_working_after_windows_11/) and uninstalled Game Input app from the Windows Apps list, as it showed it was from 2023. I no longer saw this in the task manager after a reboot.
May 19th - more crashes while playing Fallout 4 or just booting up. Looked at the event log and it showed the WiFi driver was crashing. When I googled it, some threads mentioned the Intel Driver and Support software as a possible source. I uninstalled that software. Installed the WiFi driver from my PC manufacturers website (MSI).
Some examples of errors: "Display driver nvlddmkm stopped responding and has successfully recovered." "Intel(R) Wi-Fi 6 AX200 160MHz : Has encountered an internal error and has failed." "5007 - TX/CMD timeout (TfdQueue hanged)"
This one was prominent especially the next day (May 20th):
"The description for Event ID 0 from source nvlddmkm cannot be found. Either the component that raises this event is not installed on your local computer or the installation is corrupted. You can install or repair the component on the local computer.
If the event originated on another computer, the display information had to be saved with the event.
The following information was included with the event:
\Device\Video3 Error occurred on GPUID: 100"
This clearly indicates an issue with the video card drivers. I reverted to the older version of video drivers for my RTX 3060 TI. I was able to play games and use the PC without issue for a while. Then it began to crash again. Back into the event viewer.
Found these posts: https://www.nvidia.com/en-us/geforce/forums/discove54045/the-nvlddmkm-error-what-is-it-an-fyi-for-those-seeing-this-issue/ And this one which I've highlighted what I think is the relevant part below: https://www.reddit.com/nvidia/comments/1cnxgy8/game_ready_driver_55244_faqdiscussion/
"If it still crashes, we have a few other troubleshooting steps but this is fairly involved and you should not do it if you do not feel comfortable. Proceed below at your own risk:
- A lot of driver crashing is caused by Windows TDR issue. There is a huge post on GeForce forum about this here. This post dated back to 2009 (Thanks Microsoft) and it can affect both Nvidia and AMD cards.
- Unfortunately this issue can be caused by many different things so it’s difficult to pin down. However, editing the windows registry might solve the problem.
- Additionally, there is also a tool made by Wagnard (maker of DDU) that can be used to change this TDR value. Download here. Note that I have not personally tested this tool."
However I left my machine on after playing Fallout 4 fine for a few hours and it crashed about 6 min after I left it to go to bed (according to event log).
I can provide a link to my reliability report XML if that helps. I'll also try to save the event log later today.
I'm at the point of reinstalling Windows tonight as a final step before I take the box in to my local PC shop, which will take a week or 2 to fix. I'd really like to avoid that cost if I can.
Please let me know if there is anything I can run or provide once I'm back home from work. Thanks again for reading and any help.
2024.05.21 15:05 Dependent_Essay_8841 My last payment is almost a month late?
Hi, It's been almost a month now since my boss haven't paid any of the workers now, so basically the time we worked in APRIL haven't been paid yet by them. I honestly just need your thoughts about this case, should I report? Quit? If I quit there is a chance I never even get the money, if so what then? By the official law we should have been paid at the 10th latest, and well it is the 21th now and nothing. For the questions yes the Boss knows very well about the late payment, he keeps saying next week and there has been some problems with the company here, and yes we asked him about it many times before. This is my first job and I've been here for 2 years almost 3 now, and it never happened before that's why I'm a little lost if I should endure or eport or what is appropriate. Mind you, we've been working normally even now without getting paid, and nobody has made any bigger move yet. Thoughts or advice is appreciated thanks!
submitted by Dependent_Essay_8841 to Advice [link] [comments]
2024.05.21 15:04 Potential_Help_5296 My zoloft experience vs my prozac experience
I started taking zoloft at the age of of 16 from constant over stimulation that had started once i hit puberty at 11 years old. The first few months on zoloft i felt happier than i had ever felt before to a pretty extreme extent. I didnt know this was an odd reaction to ssri’s especially since up to the age of 16 i had never done any drugs. I hadn’t ever even had caffeine before besides the low amount in soda which I rarely ever had. The reason im saying this is because there were nothing in my life i had experienced that was mind altering. This is why i didnt know at the time that i was really, really high on zoloft. Apparently it was obvious to my family who have said it was very obvious something was wrong once I started. I became the most extreme extrovert anyone could ever become. This all lead to me going from a normal 3.0 gpa to graduating with a 1.8 gpa. I became a drug addict in the worst way possible. I had become so impulsive. I went from being a kid who never lies or does anything bad to the guy who lies for no reason. I became a poly addict within months of starting zoloft. I became completely disconnected from not only friends but to my parents as well. This continued for 2 years until i finally stopped taking it at 18. Once i stopped taking zoloft i did a complete 180, well sort of. The addictions i picked up on zoloft for the most part stopped, except for one drug which i still struggle with. That being adderall and vyvanse. Thank the lord i never met anyone with meth during this time. There were other drugs i was addicted too as well while on zoloft like oxycodone, hydrocodone, weed, nicotine, xanax, Klonopin, alcohol and even more. I was addicted to all of these. I couldnt stop thinking about getting high. Its all i thought about. Always thinking of ways to get drugs. My parents had to buy a safe specifically for there prescriptions to keep me from stealing them. Even my own zoloft was in there safe because i would take 4 a day when i was prescribed to take one 50mg. I even abused tylenal(acetaminophen). My parents also couldn’t keep alcohol anywhere in the house since everynight after they went to bed i would search the whole house for it.
Second time on ssri’s
Right around when i had turned 20 i began getting my first ever panic attacks. Most of them were the normal panic attacks, well normal probably isn’t the right word. I mean most of the attacks i had i could deal with on my own since they all happened at night when i was alone. One night though that changed. This particular night i felt that dreadful anxiety which i had been feeling for the past couple weeks already but it had never gotten to the point where it was too overwhelming for me deal with on my own. I was just laying in bed going to sleep, then it just happened in less than a second i knew i was gonna die. I knew this was it. I couldn’t breathe or i guess i could breathe but for some reason every time i would inhale it was just like i wasn’t idk. That immediate overwhelming feeling of death is the worst pain i hade ever felt. Worse than any physical pain id ever had, well i guess its the worst thing i’ve ever felt period at least at this point in my life. Because of this i went to the doctor. I refused to take ssri’s for it while also really trying to stay away from benzodiazepines for obvious reasons. So i perscribed Buspiron which is kinda in its on catargory. It’s non addictive and its not an antidepressant. So I took it for just about a month. Made me lowkey feel like shit. Constant headaches along with being really hot which is kinda problem since i work physical labor pretty much only outside all while it’s july. So unfortunately the only other option was ssri’s since im still on my parents health insurance my mom would never in a million years allow me take benzodiazepine which is obviously understandable. So i get a script for prozac cause it’s not Zoloft so maybe it’ll be a little different. Boy oh boy was it different. So basically the prozac ended up doing exactly the opposite of what the Zoloft did. I became more depressed than i had ever been by a landslide. Legit would fantasize killing myself. The first two weeks on prozac i would do nothing. Like straight up nothing but think about how amazing it would be to get relief by meeting up with my favorite tree. Eventually it went away for the most part. Then i stopped taking it 3 moths ago, so i was on it for 9 months total. I just felt normal on it for the most part. The only other thing it did that was bothersome was make me a little short tempered.
Ive just been curious if anyone else has experienced something similar to me.
submitted by Potential_Help_5296 to antidepressants [link] [comments]
Like i said though once I turned 18 i stopped taking zoloft and just like that all of my hyper focused drug cravings went away, all of them except for amphetamines which i still struggle with today. Also this isnt really related but when i was 19 i tried molly(mdma) with a friend which i had only had gotten because i started abusing amphetamines again which for some reason amphetamines also make me impulsive, but not to the same level as Zoloft though. Anyways when i took the molly, guess what it felt like?! It was literally the exact same head space and just over all feeling i had during the first 6 moths on Zoloft. It felt exactly the same, just it only lasted for a few hourse and made me very umm aroused, and a bit hyped.Im about to turn 21 in 7 days so it really hasnt been to long since my manic days.
Second time on ssri’s
Right around when i had turned 20 i began getting my first ever panic attacks. Most of them were the normal panic attacks, well normal probably isn’t the right word. I mean most of the attacks i had i could deal with on my own since they all happened at night when i was alone. One night though that changed. This particular night i felt that dreadful anxiety which i had been feeling for the past couple weeks already but it had never gotten to the point where it was too overwhelming for me deal with on my own. I was just laying in bed going to sleep, then it just happened in less than a second i knew i was gonna die. I knew this was it. I couldn’t breathe or i guess i could breathe but for some reason every time i would inhale it was just like i wasn’t idk. That immediate overwhelming feeling of death is the worst pain i hade ever felt. Worse than any physical pain id ever had, well i guess its the worst thing i’ve ever felt period at least at this point in my life. Because of this i went to the doctor. I refused to take ssri’s for it while also really trying to stay away from benzodiazepines for obvious reasons. So i perscribed Buspiron which is kinda in its on catargory. It’s non addictive and its not an antidepressant. So I took it for just about a month. Made me lowkey feel like shit. Constant headaches along with being really hot which is kinda problem since i work physical labor pretty much only outside all while it’s july. So unfortunately the only other option was ssri’s since im still on my parents health insurance my mom would never in a million years allow me take benzodiazepine which is obviously understandable. So i get a script for prozac cause it’s not Zoloft so maybe it’ll be a little different. Boy oh boy was it different. So basically the prozac ended up doing exactly the opposite of what the Zoloft did. I became more depressed than i had ever been by a landslide. Legit would fantasize killing myself. The first two weeks on prozac i would do nothing. Like straight up nothing but think about how amazing it would be to get relief by meeting up with my favorite tree. Eventually it went away for the most part. Then i stopped taking it 3 moths ago, so i was on it for 9 months total. I just felt normal on it for the most part. The only other thing it did that was bothersome was make me a little short tempered.
Ive just been curious if anyone else has experienced something similar to me.
2024.05.21 15:02 Spare_Apartment_3241 Help me get out of this story
Hi everyone. Sorry for the bad english
I am a 24 year old boy.
A few months ago I started to develop a very strong relationship with a 22 year old friend of mine(F).
I have already known her for 2 years as she is part of the company I frequent but for 5 months now she has started writing to me, we talk every day from morning to late evening(2:00/3:00 am), we do things together, we talk a lot and we even go out alone, only I and her. without the company that we frequent-
The problem comes from the fact that she is engaged with a boy from the company (3 years of relationship) and the problem has arisen several times that she says she feels she is doing her boyfriend a disservice by behaving like this with me. Because if her boyfriend did this to another girl she would go crazy.
I bought a house and from the moment she found out she started saying that she wanted to help me with the furniture, with the design of the house, that she would come to visit me several times, to watch movies, play games and spend time with me. Just me and her.(the house will be avaiable at July)
She has always sent me ambiguous signals, ambiguous phrases, ambiguous ways of acting. She made a jealous scene at me because she thought I liked another girl
In any case we continued with this relationship. 1 month ago she went on holiday for a week with her boyfriend and although she said she wanted to detach herself from our relationship(being that we write or call each other every day from morning to night), she didn't and in fact she continued to write to me while she was with her boyfriend on the other side of the world.
when she came back, we saw each other and in the evening everything was fine. When she returned home she wrote to me telling me that she felt guilty towards her boyfriend, because she hadn't told him that she and I saw each other that evening. I tried to understand if she was interested in me because she always says that she knows the best solution would be to reduce the frequency with which we talk but she can't do it (she doesn't know why she can't).
Consequently I thought that maybe she might like me, I tried to get him to bring up the subject but nothing. She said she knew very well what she should do (move away and gain some distance) but that she couldn't do it.
We went to sleep as it was late and the next day she wrote to me telling me that there were some things I wasn't telling her, after which she asked me if I likes her. I replied that I have an interest in her, bad response. He started saying that it wasn't okay, that it was better to stop talking to each other. So I took courage and asked her if she likes me.
And she responded with a curt "No, I thought you understood."
After that I managed to make her understand that mine is just an interest and that I don't like her that much. (It's not too true, cause i like her)
So for now I have saved this friendship relationship that we have, but I realize that the thought of this hurts me, I don't understand if it's true that she doesn't like me or if she doesn't even know exactly. If she is afraid of leaving her boyfriend or no.
I don't think you would write to someone on the other side of the world every day, while you're on holiday with your boyfriend if there wasn't some kind of interest, but from what she says, she doesn't like me and in fact she told me that if If I had told her that I like her, she would have ended the relationship we have, because it wouldn't be fair to her, her bf and also to me.
Now I find myself not knowing what to do. I don't think I could go back to how we were at the beginning, going out in the company with the others, her and her boyfriend. Pretending nothing happened. But at the same time I understand that this situation is difficult for her because she can't tell her boyfriend and this ruin our relationship, because she puts her doubts on me.
TL;DR Do you have any advice? she really doesn't like me? Because the signals it sends are very ambiguous and strange. even my friends all thought she liked me.
And now I find myself at a crossroads where the easiest but most painful thing seems to be to break off this unhealthy relationship.
submitted by Spare_Apartment_3241 to relationships [link] [comments]
I am a 24 year old boy.
A few months ago I started to develop a very strong relationship with a 22 year old friend of mine(F).
I have already known her for 2 years as she is part of the company I frequent but for 5 months now she has started writing to me, we talk every day from morning to late evening(2:00/3:00 am), we do things together, we talk a lot and we even go out alone, only I and her. without the company that we frequent-
The problem comes from the fact that she is engaged with a boy from the company (3 years of relationship) and the problem has arisen several times that she says she feels she is doing her boyfriend a disservice by behaving like this with me. Because if her boyfriend did this to another girl she would go crazy.
I bought a house and from the moment she found out she started saying that she wanted to help me with the furniture, with the design of the house, that she would come to visit me several times, to watch movies, play games and spend time with me. Just me and her.(the house will be avaiable at July)
She has always sent me ambiguous signals, ambiguous phrases, ambiguous ways of acting. She made a jealous scene at me because she thought I liked another girl
In any case we continued with this relationship. 1 month ago she went on holiday for a week with her boyfriend and although she said she wanted to detach herself from our relationship(being that we write or call each other every day from morning to night), she didn't and in fact she continued to write to me while she was with her boyfriend on the other side of the world.
when she came back, we saw each other and in the evening everything was fine. When she returned home she wrote to me telling me that she felt guilty towards her boyfriend, because she hadn't told him that she and I saw each other that evening. I tried to understand if she was interested in me because she always says that she knows the best solution would be to reduce the frequency with which we talk but she can't do it (she doesn't know why she can't).
Consequently I thought that maybe she might like me, I tried to get him to bring up the subject but nothing. She said she knew very well what she should do (move away and gain some distance) but that she couldn't do it.
We went to sleep as it was late and the next day she wrote to me telling me that there were some things I wasn't telling her, after which she asked me if I likes her. I replied that I have an interest in her, bad response. He started saying that it wasn't okay, that it was better to stop talking to each other. So I took courage and asked her if she likes me.
And she responded with a curt "No, I thought you understood."
After that I managed to make her understand that mine is just an interest and that I don't like her that much. (It's not too true, cause i like her)
So for now I have saved this friendship relationship that we have, but I realize that the thought of this hurts me, I don't understand if it's true that she doesn't like me or if she doesn't even know exactly. If she is afraid of leaving her boyfriend or no.
I don't think you would write to someone on the other side of the world every day, while you're on holiday with your boyfriend if there wasn't some kind of interest, but from what she says, she doesn't like me and in fact she told me that if If I had told her that I like her, she would have ended the relationship we have, because it wouldn't be fair to her, her bf and also to me.
Now I find myself not knowing what to do. I don't think I could go back to how we were at the beginning, going out in the company with the others, her and her boyfriend. Pretending nothing happened. But at the same time I understand that this situation is difficult for her because she can't tell her boyfriend and this ruin our relationship, because she puts her doubts on me.
TL;DR Do you have any advice? she really doesn't like me? Because the signals it sends are very ambiguous and strange. even my friends all thought she liked me.
And now I find myself at a crossroads where the easiest but most painful thing seems to be to break off this unhealthy relationship.
2024.05.21 15:01 Dry-Awareness-6403 AITAH for hanging out with friends without one friend?
i (18) made plans on monday night to hang out with two other friends (P, 18, and L, 17) on the tuesday (april 2nd). we only were going over to P's house and to dye my hair. when we stopped in the shop on the way we bumped into another friend (Y, 17) who was there with his mum. we invited him to join us but he said no. we didn't think anything of it and said bye and went our separate ways. then at like 10pm that night after everyone got home we found out Y had left all the groupchats with the four of us and some others, some of these gc's hadnt even been used in about a year. we all messaged him asking if he was okay, thinking that he may have been upset that he saw us all without him. we all repeatedly messaged Y checking on him. he didnt respond to anyone but we could even see that he was online and tweeting. we were really confused on what was going on. then on maybe thursday i think L had heard back from him. i dont know if this is relevant background info but i considered all 3 of them my best friends but i recognised that ive known P and are closer with her than i am with the other, like L and Y are closer with each other. L had spoken to Y and they had patched things up, but Y had still not spoken to me nor P. he didn't speak to me until i had asked him in his server where he was speaking to L like normal for him to message me back when i asked if he had a problem with me. he told me that it's nothing against me personally and that i wasn't the only one he wasn't speaking to, and i told him honestly that i felt like it was and that i was starting to get annoyed (because at this point it had been almost 2 weeks with no explanation from him) but he then ignored me again. i admit i may have no right to be annoyed at him but he was actively ignoring just me and P but acted fine whenever we were in college and i didnt have the courage to bring it up to him face to face. even when the four of us and some others went out because of plans that were made months prior, he messaged P (for the first time since the 2nd and this was the 13th after she had messaged him apologising for not inviting him and she explained she had almost cancelled the plans the day of because nothing was really planned). after a few more weeks there was still no explanation and Y still actively ignored P and i. admittedly in my anger i sent him some passive aggressive messages where i asked him to speak to us and explain this because it cant be solved with 0 communication and i dont want to move on like nothing has happened. he claimed that he didnt want to speak on things when he hadnt fully sorted out his emotions, which i completely empathise with but i wished he had simply messaged us saying that he needed some time alone rather than ghosting us for a month at this point. he said he doesnt know how to speak on things hes already spoken on, when i asked him to explain this he didn't really explain it. i asked if it was about how about 2 ish months before this happened he had messaged his server with everyone in (the four of us plus some others) saying how he felt as if the friendships were one-sided and that people weren't putting in the amount of effort he was, and that every hang out was organised by him and no one else. we all messaged him and spoke to him to explain that we do care for him and that we're sorry we made him feel that way. he said it was kinda about this but didnt give any further explanation. he says that it upsets him that people wont think about him before the fact, and that hes struggling with how everyone is telling him he is justified in this situation. i asked if this is cause we hung out without him and then he ghosted me again. its all really upset me because i considered him a best friend but the way hes constantly ignoring me feels as though he doesnt actually care for our friendship and everything we had before ? he had told L privately that im being rude to him and that i have no right to be upset at him, when i feel as though i have all the right because he ignored me for no reason for an entire month. and maybe it's just how i'm seeing things but i feel as though he needs a bit of 'tough love' in this situation ? (please tell me if im TA for this). Y, L and Ps bf arranged to have a private talk about everything that has happened. P and I believe that we should’ve been involved because we’re the people he has an issue with, so we should be there to talk with him. they spoke about his side of the story and established that there was no right or wrong to the situation. Y said that he was not going to reach out first and P and I won’t reach out either because we believe that we shouldn’t have to as we have numerous times before. also P said that after the talk when she went to meet up with her bf and L, Y had his back to her and completely ignored her. a few days after the talk he had messaged L individually and told her how he is thinking about cutting off P and i. he then told L that we were bullying him because we said we didn’t like once piece, we were selfish, and that i was being ‘weird’. L asked for clarification on what we’ve done but he didn’t give any. at this point i dont really care if he does because i feel like theres nothing to cut us off from. P and i are both exhausted of this situation and are tired of him painting us out to be some big bullies because we are 'stealing L off of him' because we spoke to her in college and not him when the four of us were together and Y was turned completely with his back towards P and i. we're tired from constantly trying to speak to him to sort it out and receiving nothing from him despite us all being adults and able to communicate.
submitted by Dry-Awareness-6403 to AITAH [link] [comments]
2024.05.21 15:01 SharkEva My wife friend-zoned me and wants a platonic “companionship”
I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/themachucajr posting in Marriage
Ongoing as per OOP
1 updates - Long
Original - 7th May 2024
Update - 15th May 2024
My wife friend-zoned me and wants a platonic “companionship”
My wife (35f) and I (35m) have been married for 15 years and we've been together for 20 years. We have two kids (12,14) we absolutely adore and work tirelessly to provide the best possible life for them. For the past 3 years, things have been somewhat bumpy. I understand that our kids are at an age where they require a ton of our attention and resources with school, band, club sports, and other extracurriculars and I'm aware of the physical and emotional toll that can have on marriages.
However, for these past 3 years, my wife and I have had very little intimacy and very little sex and we've been trying very hard to work on that aspect of our relationship. This past year has been the most difficult and by far the darkest year in our marriage. We didn’t talk very much, we essentially became roommates coparenting our kids under the same roof. It was very depressing and very demoralizing. It was to the point where we began contemplating divorce and it became very dark and gloomy in the household because of that.
We began seeking help with both individualized therapy and couples therapy and it seems to have helped some. Little by little we started to get along and started to have deeper conversations about what our marriage looks like and what we would love for it to look like. This is where it gets tough. As time passed, my wife started to tell me she no longer was "in love with me" and that she only saw me as a "best friend." That she only loved me in a very platonic way, and this was one of the main reasons she didn’t have any desire for intimacy and let alone sex.
This was very shocking to me and quite frankly, I was devastated. I because angry and depressed and I couldn't fathom the thought that I was no longer wanted or desired by the person I felt completely in love with. Things began to deteriorate again and not long after, we were back to square one. I sat down with her one afternoon and had a heart to heart and began to ask questions about where the root of this problem lies, and her answer was "I don't know" and that "I have built up resentment towards you but I don't know where it stems from." As you can imagine, this provides very little to no insight into how to approach this.
I'm puzzled, I'm frustrated and I do not know what to do at this point. Currently, we've arrived at a place where she says that she has no sex drive and no desire for intimacy or connection. She says that all she wants is simply "companionship" which basically means our coparenting roommate dynamic. I asked her what I could possibly do or what is it about me that is so unattractive or undesirable and she her response is always "I don't know." She stated that she does "love" me but its not the same. That she has been feeling disconnected for years and that our marriage just takes up too much work. Her focus is only the children for now and that my coparenting contributions are "meaningful" to her in our home.
I'm at a loss and I'm mainly venting about my frustration. It's tough to realize that the person you love has no feelings for you. I feel like at this point I'm only here to contribute financially and as a parent. I feel like what she means with "companionship" is that she's comfortable with the convenience of having a good father for our kids and my financial contribution to the household.
In regard to intimacy and/or sex, she basically told me that its not something she’s interested in or wants at this time. She mentioned that the only way to get to a point for any of that is to be intoxicated which o believe is incredibly awful and very wrong. I told her I do not think forcing herself to have sex or be intimate by drinking or smoking is good and I declined to be a part of that which to my surprise, it upset her and made her more distant.
We're both extremely honest and transparent. We've never cheated on each other and we are always free to look through each others phones, emails, socials, etc. and we hardly ever do. I asked her if there was someone else and she declined. Honestly, I believe her. We then peacefully went through each other’s things and as expected, it was clean. We've always been very forward, even with the hard topics so I don't smell nor feel any foul play or infidelity.
Am I wrong for declining to only be intimate or have sex when she’s intoxicated? (I'm firm on my stance of not partaking in this "only when I'm high or drunk" sex because it doesn’t sit well with me.) I do not know how to help our situation and I'm starting to become a bit anxious and desperate. We're both fairly young and healthy individuals and good looking. We both have good standing careers and are good parents. I'm just not sure how our lives could have driven us to this point. I'd love some outside perspective on this matter and some insight on how to address something like this. It feels so awful to be unwanted and undesired by my own spouse. I hate it.
tl;dr: My wife of 15+ years is no longer in love with me and doesn’t know way and now says she can only have sex while intoxicated or I need to settle for a platonic sexless marriage and she doesn’t know why that is but it is what it is and I'm in need of insight or advice.
Comments
Warthog__
From your comment history it looks like you are Swingers? If so, I would think that would be relevant information to consider.
failedopportunities
It’s an obvious potential issue bro… wether it be she’s enjoying herself a side piece and wants nothing to do with you in that manner anymore. Or, she just went along with you on the swinging and never wanted to do it in the first place. Hence brings resentment. Regardless, should have been included in the initial post.
BigIronBruce
Will she be your best friend if you live elsewhere and have a relationship with somebody in love you. Probably not. Which makes the whole "best friend" speech feel like self-deception on her part.
I won't lie, if it were me, I'd get a divorce. She doesn't seem willing to do the work to fix the marriage and you can't fix it alone. She might promise to fix it or beg you not to but you need to follow your gut as to whether she actually can or will fix it. She's serious that she wants you to stick around but not necessarily as her husband.
Basically withold from any unnecesary interactions and affection. This is from an infidelity forum, but principles are the same https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/documents/library/articles/discovery/the-simplified-180/
Update - 8 days later
I wanted to give you guys an update of how the therapy session with my wife went this week. Not sure if this is helpful or not but I took many of the responses/comments/suggestions from my initial post and put together some things I wanted to discuss with our couples therapist to help us navigate some of the core issues that may be affecting this situation.
One of the main things that is the "buzz word" of this has been the term "resentment" and it has been really eating me up inside knowing my wife keeps telling me she doesn't know why she's resentful or doesn't know why this is affecting her emotionally/mentally. I brought this up with our therapist once again and resurfaced the conversation about being married for so long (15yrs) and being together since we ere 14yrs old. Our long history of growing up and how having children when she was 19yrs old (me 20) significantly changed the trajectory of our lives.
We experience severe poverty and many hardships in the process and we essentially had zero social life for the past 10 years because we were so busy raising babies (2 kids now ages 12 &14). She followed up with tons of questions directly mostly at my wife about her feelings towards this and 90% of the responses were very "our kids" focused. It definitely felt like she was afraid of saying "yes it sucked" because she would feel guilt or shame because it would imply she regrets the kids.
I mentioned this in the session and the therapist encouraged her to look at this outside of the lens of being a mother and to try to view it a bit more selfishly and individually and it was very eye opening. My wife mentioned that she was very frustrated with the fact that we did miss out on many things in life. She also was very clear in saying "I do not think I missed out on other partners or dating or partying but I certainly lost all my friends." This was huge because one of the big pieces that has caused a strain in our lives is how silo'd and isolated we've been (again busy raising kids). I followed up by reminding her that it's important to have good friends and to make time for herself and her friendships.
For the past 3+ years, we've had multiple conversations about friends and how it is important to have them in life. Specially when you have similar peers that can help in many areas of life that perhaps we have no experience navigating and even simply for enjoyment. It has always been something my wife avoids, even though she's always been someone who needs that external stimuli. The main reason for her not investing in friends or even herself has always been "the kids." Like I mentioned earlier in this post, 90% of the answers have to relate to "the kids" to some degree.
At this point in our session I started to feel like there was a common denominator (the kids) in most of the frustrations and problems she was experiencing. So I simply asked her "Do you think you may be upset at me because I'm responsible for these kids in the sense that I got you pregnant so young?" I wasn't ready but she said that she was upset at me for that. She also followed up with the fact that she knows that's unreasonable because it "takes 2 to tango." I did feel like it was progress because it kind of gave us something to work on and help alleviate some of these "burdens" so we agreed to invest more time in nurturing good friendships both together and individually.
Towards the end of the session, we began to discuss what actionable items we would take from this session. At this point, it was still all very ambiguous and blurry as to what the outcomes were. I was very direct and very forward in asking my wife what her plan is moving forward. (NOTE: I had decided prior to the session that should my wife say the same thing about being a coparenting roommate that I would take the 180 approach and essentially do me) She started basically saying the same thing, that she doesn't have any desire to be intimate or sexual with me as of now and that she loves me immensely and she feels bad for not being there for me (as mentioned in my first post).
I also brought up the brief swinging that happened, to which for the 50th time said it wasn't a problem. I agree with her on this. This was something that was a "mechanical" approach for a solution to a problem that was very much in existent when we tried this. We (both) really have no issue to this. We know it happened, we tried it and mutually stopped and turned the page.
I also brought up other life events that may cause resentment and really we ended up not getting anywhere else as far as the root for resentment which was discouraging.
I then basically expressed to my wife that I will not be ok with that arrangement. I told her that I've really done everything I can and that this issue really has reached a point where it has nothing to do with me or require me to do anything that I'm currently not doing. I was very direct and saying that I will not be accepting this dynamic and that I need to be with someone who is actively involved in our marriage, works towards resolutions and is very much interested in maintaining an active intimacy and sexual relationship.
I expressed how I am not going to be a "convenience" and that there was more to life than being roommates and coparents. I made sure she knows I love her dearly and that I do want this to work for the better. I also told her that I'm fully committed to this marriage so long as she is as well and that is she wasn't, its ok, however I will not be a part of something where these efforts are not reciprocated. I told her I have no plans of leaving, and I do not want a divorce, however, I made it clear that if this dynamic continues that divorce will be the only outcome.
Of course tears were involved and it was a very bleak and sad ending to the session. Still nothing was said and I walked out very discouraged and very determined to start working on the 180 as soon as we left the room. It's painful and very difficult because much of the 180 requires you to be very short and cold and transactional. The saddest part is realizing, this dynamic already is very cold and transactional.
Here is where it gets VERY interesting. I started working on implementing many of the 180 recommendations that same day. I mentioned to my wife that, "hey, things are going to be a bit different moving forward. I'm going to honor her roommate/coparent dynamic without reproach and that it should be no mistake that I am not happy here and I am never going to be ok with it but I am done working on it if she wasn't going to work on it."
She agreed and went to bed. I started to build distance and started to basically focus on myself. Very short and transactional. She asked for help on some of her personal things to which I declined and it really shocked her. She was upset saying I was being petulant. I explained to her that, she is now fully in charge of her own life and her own issues.
We didn't talk all day and we only spoke when necessary. Few days I keep this going and she's very visibly upset and stressed. I typically react to that with gestures of help or nurturing but I didn't this time. That night she was crying telling me she's stressed and she things something is wrong with me because I'm "indifferent." I simply listened, then I told her that this is the dynamic she proposed and that I'm simply (much like her) taking care of myself and focusing on myself.
I'm not going to lie, it has been VERY hard to be cold and distant because as I mentioned before, I love her and I wish I could hold her and love on her. However, I know this is somewhat manipulative in a way just to get her way and still keep me in the friendzone. So I've been staying the course.
We're now going on a week of this 180 and let just say, there has been MANY changes on her side. I think she is starting to realize there is more to me than just "friends and coparenting." I sent her a text a few days ago essentially itemizing bills and separating the financial responsibilities 50/50 and SHE LOST HER SHIT. She basically told me it was "out of left field" to which I responded "hey, friends go in 50/50 and as your friend I expect nothing less."
This was very eye opening because it gave me a glimpse of I'm really taken for granted and how her level of comfort and convenience at my expense is really overlooked. I pushed through anyways and basically told her that this is the new dynamic she asked for and that its still a "bargain" because she would have to be 100% if she was on her own.
I'll wrap up with this. While the 180 has been working in many different areas, I am still very much sad about the overall situation. There have been MANY eye opening statements being said and realization that have not been pleasant to encounter. It has also sparked new energy and new efforts on her side as well. She's definitely seeking to talk to me more often and while its hard to turn down, I hope if things improve, this continues to happen.
I've also noticed that she's making more time for herself aside from being a mom which is HUGE because she pretty much neglected herself for years. I'm very pleased seeing her be more herself. My hope is that as we work on ourselves, the marriage improves. There really is no telling at this point where this will go. We are very much cordial and amicable even to this day and that's a very good sign.
Boundaries are set and expectations are very clear and I feel that no matter the outcome, I will be at peace with everything that has been done. We're still going to continue the couples therapist until we either rekindle our marriage or end up in divorce. I feel like having this nonbiased third party really helps as a witness and as a guide through this. No matter what I will always love my wife, however, I will not participate in a sexless, intimacy less marriage because we both deserve better.
Thank you all for all the kind words and recommendations and feedback. This will be my last post on this topic and I wish you all the best.
TL;DR: My wife friend-zoned me wants to just coparent at my expense but I started the 180 method to try and find a solution because she doesn't want to work on us which seems to be working on getting her out of her rut and helping me discover more about how she feels. Also, therapy is paramount and highly recommend to all couples.
Comments
Complete-Old-1960
Bottom line and not to be brutal, but there is one thing you don't have infinite amount of, is TIME. This has to be resolved in a timely manner. It takes 2 to be in love and to be loved, and u only have ½ of the equation. You need to put a time limit on you being the good guy and think of you and your future. Look hope it works out for you, but listening to what you are going through and what you could be in for you can still be a good father but also be a great husband to another wife if you find that special person again.
shes_a_killer
I have to agree with this, simply because at some point, the person who has gone 180 and is waiting for the other person to decide will begin to wonder, "Wow, they're really taking their time coming around to me...did they love me at all? If they ever appreciated and cared for me, why would they keep me waiting and neglecting me for so long?" Except, in my case, it had more to do with the other person being stubborn and unable to admit their faults.
RandyPan_theGoatBoy
I think it’s interesting that in the comments of your original post you said you didn’t think she was taking you for granted but you came to realize she absolutely was. Can you give some more details on what the 180 method is?
I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments
submitted by SharkEva to BORUpdates [link] [comments]
Ongoing as per OOP
1 updates - Long
Original - 7th May 2024
Update - 15th May 2024
My wife friend-zoned me and wants a platonic “companionship”
My wife (35f) and I (35m) have been married for 15 years and we've been together for 20 years. We have two kids (12,14) we absolutely adore and work tirelessly to provide the best possible life for them. For the past 3 years, things have been somewhat bumpy. I understand that our kids are at an age where they require a ton of our attention and resources with school, band, club sports, and other extracurriculars and I'm aware of the physical and emotional toll that can have on marriages.
However, for these past 3 years, my wife and I have had very little intimacy and very little sex and we've been trying very hard to work on that aspect of our relationship. This past year has been the most difficult and by far the darkest year in our marriage. We didn’t talk very much, we essentially became roommates coparenting our kids under the same roof. It was very depressing and very demoralizing. It was to the point where we began contemplating divorce and it became very dark and gloomy in the household because of that.
We began seeking help with both individualized therapy and couples therapy and it seems to have helped some. Little by little we started to get along and started to have deeper conversations about what our marriage looks like and what we would love for it to look like. This is where it gets tough. As time passed, my wife started to tell me she no longer was "in love with me" and that she only saw me as a "best friend." That she only loved me in a very platonic way, and this was one of the main reasons she didn’t have any desire for intimacy and let alone sex.
This was very shocking to me and quite frankly, I was devastated. I because angry and depressed and I couldn't fathom the thought that I was no longer wanted or desired by the person I felt completely in love with. Things began to deteriorate again and not long after, we were back to square one. I sat down with her one afternoon and had a heart to heart and began to ask questions about where the root of this problem lies, and her answer was "I don't know" and that "I have built up resentment towards you but I don't know where it stems from." As you can imagine, this provides very little to no insight into how to approach this.
I'm puzzled, I'm frustrated and I do not know what to do at this point. Currently, we've arrived at a place where she says that she has no sex drive and no desire for intimacy or connection. She says that all she wants is simply "companionship" which basically means our coparenting roommate dynamic. I asked her what I could possibly do or what is it about me that is so unattractive or undesirable and she her response is always "I don't know." She stated that she does "love" me but its not the same. That she has been feeling disconnected for years and that our marriage just takes up too much work. Her focus is only the children for now and that my coparenting contributions are "meaningful" to her in our home.
I'm at a loss and I'm mainly venting about my frustration. It's tough to realize that the person you love has no feelings for you. I feel like at this point I'm only here to contribute financially and as a parent. I feel like what she means with "companionship" is that she's comfortable with the convenience of having a good father for our kids and my financial contribution to the household.
In regard to intimacy and/or sex, she basically told me that its not something she’s interested in or wants at this time. She mentioned that the only way to get to a point for any of that is to be intoxicated which o believe is incredibly awful and very wrong. I told her I do not think forcing herself to have sex or be intimate by drinking or smoking is good and I declined to be a part of that which to my surprise, it upset her and made her more distant.
We're both extremely honest and transparent. We've never cheated on each other and we are always free to look through each others phones, emails, socials, etc. and we hardly ever do. I asked her if there was someone else and she declined. Honestly, I believe her. We then peacefully went through each other’s things and as expected, it was clean. We've always been very forward, even with the hard topics so I don't smell nor feel any foul play or infidelity.
Am I wrong for declining to only be intimate or have sex when she’s intoxicated? (I'm firm on my stance of not partaking in this "only when I'm high or drunk" sex because it doesn’t sit well with me.) I do not know how to help our situation and I'm starting to become a bit anxious and desperate. We're both fairly young and healthy individuals and good looking. We both have good standing careers and are good parents. I'm just not sure how our lives could have driven us to this point. I'd love some outside perspective on this matter and some insight on how to address something like this. It feels so awful to be unwanted and undesired by my own spouse. I hate it.
tl;dr: My wife of 15+ years is no longer in love with me and doesn’t know way and now says she can only have sex while intoxicated or I need to settle for a platonic sexless marriage and she doesn’t know why that is but it is what it is and I'm in need of insight or advice.
Comments
Warthog__
From your comment history it looks like you are Swingers? If so, I would think that would be relevant information to consider.
OOP: We did some swinging in the past. That was fun for some time. We mutually decided to stop doing it and we have established it’s not the case. When we were swinging however, our marriage seemed to be in a good place. This IS something we did disclose with our couple therapist and made sure to include it to make sure we’re not neglecting an obvious potential issue.
I will say, I did ask my wife if what she experienced during swinging is something that is affecting her view on our relationship and she said it wasn’t. Our swinging experience was always together and it was very sex driven. Nothing really emotional or “poly”. Truth is, I have to believe her at her word. I have no reason to distrust her. To date, she’s always been very forward and never afraid of dealing things head on. No matter how painful.
failedopportunities
It’s an obvious potential issue bro… wether it be she’s enjoying herself a side piece and wants nothing to do with you in that manner anymore. Or, she just went along with you on the swinging and never wanted to do it in the first place. Hence brings resentment. Regardless, should have been included in the initial post.
OOP: Swinging was her idea. Not mine. But I suppose I should have included it but I honestly believe her on it not being an issue. I don’t have any reason to distrust her. Maybe it’s something she has to accept with her therapist or our couples therapist. Can’t really approach that with a solution if she doesn’t think it was a problem. IDK
BigIronBruce
She says that all she wants is simply "companionship" which basically means our coparenting roommate dynamic.That's only a marriage if you both agree it is. You're hoping she's going to wake up one day and feel different but she's basically said that's not going to happen and doesn't want to figure out why she feels that way. It seems like you tried several different ways to get to the bottom of it and she's either deflected or is being honest that she's not in love with you.
Am I wrong for declining to only be intimate or have sex when she’s intoxicated?I wouldn't do this, either, if that makes you feel better.
Will she be your best friend if you live elsewhere and have a relationship with somebody in love you. Probably not. Which makes the whole "best friend" speech feel like self-deception on her part.
I won't lie, if it were me, I'd get a divorce. She doesn't seem willing to do the work to fix the marriage and you can't fix it alone. She might promise to fix it or beg you not to but you need to follow your gut as to whether she actually can or will fix it. She's serious that she wants you to stick around but not necessarily as her husband.
OOP: A very hard truth to accept here. Thank youInteresting-Tip-4850
"I’m ensure I do everything possible to mend our marriage to ensure my own peace of mind and excite knowing I did everything I could."you may still concider 180 method, to protect yourself and perhaps in the same time the reality that the ship is leaving may start to change your wifes perspective. If that doesnt what else would.
OOP: Can you elaborate on the “180 Method”?Interesting-Tip-4850
Basically withold from any unnecesary interactions and affection. This is from an infidelity forum, but principles are the same https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/documents/library/articles/discovery/the-simplified-180/
OOP: I bookmarked this. I’m heavily considering this.
Update - 8 days later
I wanted to give you guys an update of how the therapy session with my wife went this week. Not sure if this is helpful or not but I took many of the responses/comments/suggestions from my initial post and put together some things I wanted to discuss with our couples therapist to help us navigate some of the core issues that may be affecting this situation.
One of the main things that is the "buzz word" of this has been the term "resentment" and it has been really eating me up inside knowing my wife keeps telling me she doesn't know why she's resentful or doesn't know why this is affecting her emotionally/mentally. I brought this up with our therapist once again and resurfaced the conversation about being married for so long (15yrs) and being together since we ere 14yrs old. Our long history of growing up and how having children when she was 19yrs old (me 20) significantly changed the trajectory of our lives.
We experience severe poverty and many hardships in the process and we essentially had zero social life for the past 10 years because we were so busy raising babies (2 kids now ages 12 &14). She followed up with tons of questions directly mostly at my wife about her feelings towards this and 90% of the responses were very "our kids" focused. It definitely felt like she was afraid of saying "yes it sucked" because she would feel guilt or shame because it would imply she regrets the kids.
I mentioned this in the session and the therapist encouraged her to look at this outside of the lens of being a mother and to try to view it a bit more selfishly and individually and it was very eye opening. My wife mentioned that she was very frustrated with the fact that we did miss out on many things in life. She also was very clear in saying "I do not think I missed out on other partners or dating or partying but I certainly lost all my friends." This was huge because one of the big pieces that has caused a strain in our lives is how silo'd and isolated we've been (again busy raising kids). I followed up by reminding her that it's important to have good friends and to make time for herself and her friendships.
For the past 3+ years, we've had multiple conversations about friends and how it is important to have them in life. Specially when you have similar peers that can help in many areas of life that perhaps we have no experience navigating and even simply for enjoyment. It has always been something my wife avoids, even though she's always been someone who needs that external stimuli. The main reason for her not investing in friends or even herself has always been "the kids." Like I mentioned earlier in this post, 90% of the answers have to relate to "the kids" to some degree.
At this point in our session I started to feel like there was a common denominator (the kids) in most of the frustrations and problems she was experiencing. So I simply asked her "Do you think you may be upset at me because I'm responsible for these kids in the sense that I got you pregnant so young?" I wasn't ready but she said that she was upset at me for that. She also followed up with the fact that she knows that's unreasonable because it "takes 2 to tango." I did feel like it was progress because it kind of gave us something to work on and help alleviate some of these "burdens" so we agreed to invest more time in nurturing good friendships both together and individually.
Towards the end of the session, we began to discuss what actionable items we would take from this session. At this point, it was still all very ambiguous and blurry as to what the outcomes were. I was very direct and very forward in asking my wife what her plan is moving forward. (NOTE: I had decided prior to the session that should my wife say the same thing about being a coparenting roommate that I would take the 180 approach and essentially do me) She started basically saying the same thing, that she doesn't have any desire to be intimate or sexual with me as of now and that she loves me immensely and she feels bad for not being there for me (as mentioned in my first post).
I also brought up the brief swinging that happened, to which for the 50th time said it wasn't a problem. I agree with her on this. This was something that was a "mechanical" approach for a solution to a problem that was very much in existent when we tried this. We (both) really have no issue to this. We know it happened, we tried it and mutually stopped and turned the page.
I also brought up other life events that may cause resentment and really we ended up not getting anywhere else as far as the root for resentment which was discouraging.
I then basically expressed to my wife that I will not be ok with that arrangement. I told her that I've really done everything I can and that this issue really has reached a point where it has nothing to do with me or require me to do anything that I'm currently not doing. I was very direct and saying that I will not be accepting this dynamic and that I need to be with someone who is actively involved in our marriage, works towards resolutions and is very much interested in maintaining an active intimacy and sexual relationship.
I expressed how I am not going to be a "convenience" and that there was more to life than being roommates and coparents. I made sure she knows I love her dearly and that I do want this to work for the better. I also told her that I'm fully committed to this marriage so long as she is as well and that is she wasn't, its ok, however I will not be a part of something where these efforts are not reciprocated. I told her I have no plans of leaving, and I do not want a divorce, however, I made it clear that if this dynamic continues that divorce will be the only outcome.
Of course tears were involved and it was a very bleak and sad ending to the session. Still nothing was said and I walked out very discouraged and very determined to start working on the 180 as soon as we left the room. It's painful and very difficult because much of the 180 requires you to be very short and cold and transactional. The saddest part is realizing, this dynamic already is very cold and transactional.
Here is where it gets VERY interesting. I started working on implementing many of the 180 recommendations that same day. I mentioned to my wife that, "hey, things are going to be a bit different moving forward. I'm going to honor her roommate/coparent dynamic without reproach and that it should be no mistake that I am not happy here and I am never going to be ok with it but I am done working on it if she wasn't going to work on it."
She agreed and went to bed. I started to build distance and started to basically focus on myself. Very short and transactional. She asked for help on some of her personal things to which I declined and it really shocked her. She was upset saying I was being petulant. I explained to her that, she is now fully in charge of her own life and her own issues.
We didn't talk all day and we only spoke when necessary. Few days I keep this going and she's very visibly upset and stressed. I typically react to that with gestures of help or nurturing but I didn't this time. That night she was crying telling me she's stressed and she things something is wrong with me because I'm "indifferent." I simply listened, then I told her that this is the dynamic she proposed and that I'm simply (much like her) taking care of myself and focusing on myself.
I'm not going to lie, it has been VERY hard to be cold and distant because as I mentioned before, I love her and I wish I could hold her and love on her. However, I know this is somewhat manipulative in a way just to get her way and still keep me in the friendzone. So I've been staying the course.
We're now going on a week of this 180 and let just say, there has been MANY changes on her side. I think she is starting to realize there is more to me than just "friends and coparenting." I sent her a text a few days ago essentially itemizing bills and separating the financial responsibilities 50/50 and SHE LOST HER SHIT. She basically told me it was "out of left field" to which I responded "hey, friends go in 50/50 and as your friend I expect nothing less."
This was very eye opening because it gave me a glimpse of I'm really taken for granted and how her level of comfort and convenience at my expense is really overlooked. I pushed through anyways and basically told her that this is the new dynamic she asked for and that its still a "bargain" because she would have to be 100% if she was on her own.
I'll wrap up with this. While the 180 has been working in many different areas, I am still very much sad about the overall situation. There have been MANY eye opening statements being said and realization that have not been pleasant to encounter. It has also sparked new energy and new efforts on her side as well. She's definitely seeking to talk to me more often and while its hard to turn down, I hope if things improve, this continues to happen.
I've also noticed that she's making more time for herself aside from being a mom which is HUGE because she pretty much neglected herself for years. I'm very pleased seeing her be more herself. My hope is that as we work on ourselves, the marriage improves. There really is no telling at this point where this will go. We are very much cordial and amicable even to this day and that's a very good sign.
Boundaries are set and expectations are very clear and I feel that no matter the outcome, I will be at peace with everything that has been done. We're still going to continue the couples therapist until we either rekindle our marriage or end up in divorce. I feel like having this nonbiased third party really helps as a witness and as a guide through this. No matter what I will always love my wife, however, I will not participate in a sexless, intimacy less marriage because we both deserve better.
Thank you all for all the kind words and recommendations and feedback. This will be my last post on this topic and I wish you all the best.
TL;DR: My wife friend-zoned me wants to just coparent at my expense but I started the 180 method to try and find a solution because she doesn't want to work on us which seems to be working on getting her out of her rut and helping me discover more about how she feels. Also, therapy is paramount and highly recommend to all couples.
Comments
Complete-Old-1960
Bottom line and not to be brutal, but there is one thing you don't have infinite amount of, is TIME. This has to be resolved in a timely manner. It takes 2 to be in love and to be loved, and u only have ½ of the equation. You need to put a time limit on you being the good guy and think of you and your future. Look hope it works out for you, but listening to what you are going through and what you could be in for you can still be a good father but also be a great husband to another wife if you find that special person again.
OOP: Definitely. I think this “soft ultimatum” (180 method) has been very eye opening. I’m definitely hoping for a rekindling of our marriage but I’m also bracing for divorce. I agree on a timeline and I’ve decided on a timeline for myself privately. I don’t want to give her a timeline because I want to reduce the pressure, however, after 1-2 yrs of things don’t improve, it won’t be shocking or a surprise if we split. I think 1-2yrs is more than reasonable.
shes_a_killer
I have to agree with this, simply because at some point, the person who has gone 180 and is waiting for the other person to decide will begin to wonder, "Wow, they're really taking their time coming around to me...did they love me at all? If they ever appreciated and cared for me, why would they keep me waiting and neglecting me for so long?" Except, in my case, it had more to do with the other person being stubborn and unable to admit their faults.
OOP: I understand what you mean. I don’t think I’ll ever doubt she loved me at all. I’m certain she did and I’m certain she still does. I know it sounds crazy and I’m not at all infatuated or blinded by love. Love is far more than the intimacy and sex we’re lacking.
RandyPan_theGoatBoy
I think it’s interesting that in the comments of your original post you said you didn’t think she was taking you for granted but you came to realize she absolutely was. Can you give some more details on what the 180 method is?
OOP: Yeah, I definitely felt this way. But with this 180 method it’s happening right in front of my eyes. Actual actions and reactions taking place that clearly demonstrate that she is taking me for granted. She actually see this as well. It’s evident she’s thinking about this heavily based on her demeanor and her behavior.
Here’s what I used as a guide:
https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/
https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/documents/library/articles/discovery/the-simplified-180/
I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments
2024.05.21 15:01 SharkEva AITA for not giving my adopted daughter a stuffed animal for her high school graduation, when both of my biological children got one?
I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/evastraea posting in AmItheAsshole
Concluded as per OOP
2 updates - Long
Original - 21st June 2022
Update1 - 27th June 2022
Comment from OOP - 27th June 2022
AITA for not giving my adopted daughter a stuffed animal for her high school graduation, when both of my biological children got one?
I [49f] have 3 children, [22f], [19m], and [18f]. My oldest are my biological children from a previous marriage, and my youngest I became a mother to at the age of 2 when I married her widowed father. She has only ever called me mom, and I officially adopted her at the age of 12.
Now on to the issue with the stuffed animals: years and years ago, when I was only 20 and in college, I worked at a children's museum. I adored the job and working with kids, and had the idea to buy stuffed animals from the gift shop to be my future-kids' first stuffed animals whenever they were born. I had gotten a stuffed bear at birth that was very special to me growing up, and on my 18th birthday my parents gifted me a duplicate they had bought way back when and kept for me all these years. I found this so special, and wanted to do something similar, so I bought 6 stuffed animals from the museum's gift shop; 3 to be given at birth, and 3 duplicates. I had no idea at the time how many kids I would have, but I knew I wasn't planning on having more than 3, so I didn't get any more.
My first daughter received the stuffed animal I selected for her while pregnant. Then, between her birth and the birth of my son, I miscarried. The experience was deeply traumatic for me, especially as I miscarried in my second trimester, and I buried my baby with the stuffed animal they would have gotten. I kept the duplicate to for comfort, to cuddle and hold.
Finally, my son was born and received the last of the stuffed animals I had set aside so many years ago. Now, here's where I may be the asshole. For both my daughter and son's high school graduations, I surprised them with the duplicates, for them to take to college with them and compare against the stuffies they've been loving on their whole lives. Both were very moved by this, and took both (original and duplicate) to school with them.
My youngest, however, never received a stuffed animal, and so when her graduation celebration rolled along I had no duplicate to gift her. I watched her unpack all her gifts, and her face fall when she got to the last one and realized. She didn't really say anything, just got this super sad look on her face, and excused herself to her room. I followed to ask what was wrong, but she said she didn't want to talk to me, so her father went in instead.
According to him she cried to him that she didn't feel as loved by me as her siblings, and as much a part of the family - the unwrapping of her siblings' stuffed animals were very emotional events, and she had had the expectation she'd be getting the same. In hindsight I could have easily done something similar for her whenever I first came into her life, even if it wouldn't have been from the museum, but I just didn't think of it. She has been cold to me this entire last week, and I feel so terrible, I've offered to take her out to a special dinner the two of us to make amends but she turned me down. AITA?
Edit: the votes are in, and I am definitively TA. Many of you are suggesting that I get her a stuffie that reminds me of her, or maybe to get her two so she can continue the tradition with her future kids. But I think what I will do is gift her the duplicate my parents gifted me of my special plush bear I received at birth, which is one of my most treasured possessions, and deeply meaningful to me. Thank you all for the advice, it is genuinely appreciated.
Comments
Mrs-Addams
YTA. Nothing quite says “you’re not like my other kids” like leaving her out of a family tradition when her turn came. I’m sorry about the loss of your baby and understand why you kept that stuffed animal for your own, however, the tradition could have started with her when she joined your family at age 2, or when you formally adopted her.
SmartassMouth89
YTA your kids grew up together and for years you never once thought to go and buy two stuffed animals for your adoptive daughter?
QueenKeisha
Right? In 16 years, and after giving 2 other bears away, she didn’t once think, hey what about youngest?
SmartassMouth89
Right? She liked the daughters dad enough to marry him but didn’t think that it would be a good idea to give the two year old a stuffie at the wedding?
Update - 6 days later
Long story short: my daughter found my reddit post, and came to me in tears apologizing for her reaction. This was NOT my expectation, and I assured her she had nothing to apologize for, as I had been in the wrong. We had a long discussion about the situation, our feelings, and how to move forward from this, and although I know she is still hurt we are on our way to making amends.
Long story long: so what even happened? As I've now discovered, my daughter loves browsing AITA. She stumbled on my post, and after reading it in it's entirety, as well as a good chunk of the comments (all of mine, and many left by other redditors) she came to me in tears apologizing for her reaction.
She sobbed in my arms that she didn't want this to be the end of our relationship, and that she was sorry, and wanted to enjoy this last summer together. I held her and assured her she had nothing to apologize for, and apologized myself (I did shed a little tear, but tried to keep my emotions in check as I did not want the burden of comforting me to be on her).
What followed was a productive but incredibly emotionally vulnerable conversation, the details of which I will not disclose entirely. She has been going through a rough time, and my impression (I could be wrong) is that the lack of a stuffie at graduation was a catalyst for bigger emotions. She did take me up on my offer to take her to dinner, and I've now booked a reservation at a nice restaurant she has been wanting to go to for a while.
And last night we cooked her favorite dinner together, which gave us an opportunity to smooth things over somewhat. We have not yet broached the subject of me intending to gift her my own plush, except for very briefly (she insisted I didn't have to, and seemed to feel a lot of guilt), but I still plan to. I just feel it would be best to wait until things have cooled down.
And if she truly doesn't feel comfortable taking it, I plan on getting a bear of a similar look to be its "little brother" for her to take care of. That's the update, obviously things have not magically mended overnight, but we are finally on-track to a resolution. Many thanks to all that left advice, and please check the comments below for clarification on many questions asked before passing any judgements (I far exceeded the allowed word limit, and have instead pasted much of what I intended to say here below).
Comments
aroundincircles
Read your first post and this one, and I feel it from both sides. My wife and I recently adopted a bio niece (13 yo this week) and she welcomes us as dad and mom, but we've run into a number of times where the kids will pull out something from a trip we went on, or an activity we did, etc years before she was ever in our lives, and she'll go "why don't you have one of those for me"? It's really hard, some of these things are simply impossible for us to get, and/or would cost us thousands of dollars (when We already spent 30+k on custody/adoption lawyers and court fees).
She also didn't even bring anything with her when we picked her up, she wasn't even allowed to bring a change of underwear. It's been something that we've had to deal with in counselling that her life with us didn't start till she was almost 12, and we have to begin fresh from there, we cannot turn back the clock and give her back an entire childhood she missed. Like when we went camping for the first time with her, and we were getting things out to visually see what we needed to get from the store and we pulled out the kid's sleeping bags, and she was like "where is mine", and the fact that we didn't already have one hurt her.
Glum_Hamster_1076
And that doesn’t make you an ahole. I hope no one will call you one. Situations change and you’re not always able to “make up for it”. OP didn’t do this to hurt her daughter and it’s weird people are painting it that way. I hope things are going well with you all in therapy and your family is making great strides together.
Comment from OOP
When I initially posted to AITA, I was prepared to face judgment, and open to constructive criticism. However, while I did receive many constructive comments, which I truly appreciate, I received many more that were hateful and unconstructive, and I will admit, I did get defensive. But the attitude I took on in the comments is not one I brought into my interactions with my daughter; please understand that I did not throw in her face all the kind things I feel I've done for her over the years, but was rather attempting to contextualize our relationship for strangers who've never met us.
And before passing any further judgment in the comments, please check below for answers to a lot of the questions asked in the original thread. To answer a few questions: why did I not adopt her until 10 years after I came into her life? Because I never sought to force myself on her as her mother, and waited until she could give me explicit consent to adopt her. Why did I never buy her any stuffed animals? I did. I bought her many when I first met her, as well as one for her official adoption day, and every adoption day celebration since.
And I did technically gift her a stuffed animal for her graduation, too, it was just a plush of her college's mascot rather than a duplicate of a treasured plush from her childhood. So why did I not buy her a duplicate at any point over the last 16 years? I did not think to until my oldest graduated and received hers, by which point I (mistakenly) felt the significance would be lost. Both my bio kids received stuffies saved for them for decades, whereas she would have received one saved for only four years. Instead I tried to honor her in other ways, such as (as I described in the comments) crafting her a cookbook of generational family recipes that I illustrated by hand, because she is her own individual.
Truthfully, while I understand the sentiments expressed in the comments, I don't believe recognizing differences is inherently a bad thing. The duplicate stuffies my bio kids received were duplicates of the very first stuffies to ever be in their crib with them. Their receival of them was a birth event, and I did not give birth to my youngest. But that does not mean I love her any less, or that she is any less my daughter.
We have established our own traditions honoring her entry into my life, such as our celebration of her adoption day, and while I realize I could have handled the stuffie situation better, I do believe it was an honest mistake. But how could I not include her in a treasured family tradition, knowing how important it is (especially as an adopted child) to feel a part of the family? Because I truly did not realize this one specific tradition meant as much to her as it did.
I have strived to include her in as many family traditions as possible throughout the years. As I mentioned in the comments, she speaks German because I taught and spoke it to her growing up, even though her father does not. We celebrate German traditions, such as baking countless batches of German Christmas cookies together every year (just the two of us, neither of her siblings have any interest in baking), which is something I grew up doing with my mom, and every year it is quality time I deeply treasure.
For her 16th birthday I gifted her the locket my mother gifted me on my 16th, which she'd been gifted by my grandmother before me - this actually upset my eldest daughter, who had not received such a hand-me-down, and this is just to name a few. So given the fact that she has on occasion received and taken part in traditions my other kids have been excluded from, I did not think the stuffie would carry as much weight as it ultimately did. But isn't her reaction an indication that there are larger issues at play, and that she has likely felt this way for a while? Perhaps.
I am not a perfect adoptive mother, and have never claimed to be. And I can not see inside her brain, so I cannot know her true feelings. But my sense - and I may be wrong! - is that the larger issues at play relate back to her bio mom, which is something she expressed to me in our conversation. I did not disclose this in my original post, because I did not believe it to be relevant, and it is also a painful topic within our family, but her bio mom committed suicide whilst in the thick of post-partum depression. This has obviously impacted my daughter, who has been in and out of therapy for years grappling with feelings of loss, and guilt.
She is highly sensitive to feeling isolated within our family unit, which is something I should have taken into account in this situation, and I own that. I realize this is a huge hunk of text, but given the visceral reaction many had, I felt it was important to cover my bases. Come to whatever conclusions you all like, I will likely not be checking the comments for my own mental health, and the wellbeing of my family. To all who left genuine advice, even if that meant calling me an asshole, I truly do appreciate you. And to all who said hateful things, especially in regard to the loss of my baby, please consider the impact your words may have moving forward
Comments
Rice-Correct
You’re a good mom. It might’ve been a mistake not to gift her the plush, and it might, as you said, just have been indicative of some larger big emotions going on, as graduating is a HUGE milestone and going to college is an enormous life change that is very rewarding and exciting, but also stressful. But it sounds like you’ve been amazing about creating beautiful memories and experiences together! I think at some point, the plush will be a distant memory. From your post, it seems pretty clear you DO have a good relationship, and you’re a caring, empathetic parent. ENJOY your summer together, Mama!
sharraleigh
Don't take the hateful comments personally; it's easy to be cruel online to a faceless stranger. Also, your original post didn't include all this info (it would've been impossible to anyway), and therefore lacked a lot of the back story and nuance that frankly, a real person's life experience encompasses. Your daughter probably saw your post and realized how her reaction hurt your feelings and read the hateful comments and felt bad for you. It sounds like you have a great relationship and you're lucky to have each other in your lives!
I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments
submitted by SharkEva to BORUpdates [link] [comments]
Concluded as per OOP
2 updates - Long
Original - 21st June 2022
Update1 - 27th June 2022
Comment from OOP - 27th June 2022
AITA for not giving my adopted daughter a stuffed animal for her high school graduation, when both of my biological children got one?
I [49f] have 3 children, [22f], [19m], and [18f]. My oldest are my biological children from a previous marriage, and my youngest I became a mother to at the age of 2 when I married her widowed father. She has only ever called me mom, and I officially adopted her at the age of 12.
Now on to the issue with the stuffed animals: years and years ago, when I was only 20 and in college, I worked at a children's museum. I adored the job and working with kids, and had the idea to buy stuffed animals from the gift shop to be my future-kids' first stuffed animals whenever they were born. I had gotten a stuffed bear at birth that was very special to me growing up, and on my 18th birthday my parents gifted me a duplicate they had bought way back when and kept for me all these years. I found this so special, and wanted to do something similar, so I bought 6 stuffed animals from the museum's gift shop; 3 to be given at birth, and 3 duplicates. I had no idea at the time how many kids I would have, but I knew I wasn't planning on having more than 3, so I didn't get any more.
My first daughter received the stuffed animal I selected for her while pregnant. Then, between her birth and the birth of my son, I miscarried. The experience was deeply traumatic for me, especially as I miscarried in my second trimester, and I buried my baby with the stuffed animal they would have gotten. I kept the duplicate to for comfort, to cuddle and hold.
Finally, my son was born and received the last of the stuffed animals I had set aside so many years ago. Now, here's where I may be the asshole. For both my daughter and son's high school graduations, I surprised them with the duplicates, for them to take to college with them and compare against the stuffies they've been loving on their whole lives. Both were very moved by this, and took both (original and duplicate) to school with them.
My youngest, however, never received a stuffed animal, and so when her graduation celebration rolled along I had no duplicate to gift her. I watched her unpack all her gifts, and her face fall when she got to the last one and realized. She didn't really say anything, just got this super sad look on her face, and excused herself to her room. I followed to ask what was wrong, but she said she didn't want to talk to me, so her father went in instead.
According to him she cried to him that she didn't feel as loved by me as her siblings, and as much a part of the family - the unwrapping of her siblings' stuffed animals were very emotional events, and she had had the expectation she'd be getting the same. In hindsight I could have easily done something similar for her whenever I first came into her life, even if it wouldn't have been from the museum, but I just didn't think of it. She has been cold to me this entire last week, and I feel so terrible, I've offered to take her out to a special dinner the two of us to make amends but she turned me down. AITA?
Edit: the votes are in, and I am definitively TA. Many of you are suggesting that I get her a stuffie that reminds me of her, or maybe to get her two so she can continue the tradition with her future kids. But I think what I will do is gift her the duplicate my parents gifted me of my special plush bear I received at birth, which is one of my most treasured possessions, and deeply meaningful to me. Thank you all for the advice, it is genuinely appreciated.
Comments
Mrs-Addams
YTA. Nothing quite says “you’re not like my other kids” like leaving her out of a family tradition when her turn came. I’m sorry about the loss of your baby and understand why you kept that stuffed animal for your own, however, the tradition could have started with her when she joined your family at age 2, or when you formally adopted her.
SmartassMouth89
YTA your kids grew up together and for years you never once thought to go and buy two stuffed animals for your adoptive daughter?
QueenKeisha
Right? In 16 years, and after giving 2 other bears away, she didn’t once think, hey what about youngest?
SmartassMouth89
Right? She liked the daughters dad enough to marry him but didn’t think that it would be a good idea to give the two year old a stuffie at the wedding?
Update - 6 days later
Long story short: my daughter found my reddit post, and came to me in tears apologizing for her reaction. This was NOT my expectation, and I assured her she had nothing to apologize for, as I had been in the wrong. We had a long discussion about the situation, our feelings, and how to move forward from this, and although I know she is still hurt we are on our way to making amends.
Long story long: so what even happened? As I've now discovered, my daughter loves browsing AITA. She stumbled on my post, and after reading it in it's entirety, as well as a good chunk of the comments (all of mine, and many left by other redditors) she came to me in tears apologizing for her reaction.
She sobbed in my arms that she didn't want this to be the end of our relationship, and that she was sorry, and wanted to enjoy this last summer together. I held her and assured her she had nothing to apologize for, and apologized myself (I did shed a little tear, but tried to keep my emotions in check as I did not want the burden of comforting me to be on her).
What followed was a productive but incredibly emotionally vulnerable conversation, the details of which I will not disclose entirely. She has been going through a rough time, and my impression (I could be wrong) is that the lack of a stuffie at graduation was a catalyst for bigger emotions. She did take me up on my offer to take her to dinner, and I've now booked a reservation at a nice restaurant she has been wanting to go to for a while.
And last night we cooked her favorite dinner together, which gave us an opportunity to smooth things over somewhat. We have not yet broached the subject of me intending to gift her my own plush, except for very briefly (she insisted I didn't have to, and seemed to feel a lot of guilt), but I still plan to. I just feel it would be best to wait until things have cooled down.
And if she truly doesn't feel comfortable taking it, I plan on getting a bear of a similar look to be its "little brother" for her to take care of. That's the update, obviously things have not magically mended overnight, but we are finally on-track to a resolution. Many thanks to all that left advice, and please check the comments below for clarification on many questions asked before passing any judgements (I far exceeded the allowed word limit, and have instead pasted much of what I intended to say here below).
Comments
aroundincircles
Read your first post and this one, and I feel it from both sides. My wife and I recently adopted a bio niece (13 yo this week) and she welcomes us as dad and mom, but we've run into a number of times where the kids will pull out something from a trip we went on, or an activity we did, etc years before she was ever in our lives, and she'll go "why don't you have one of those for me"? It's really hard, some of these things are simply impossible for us to get, and/or would cost us thousands of dollars (when We already spent 30+k on custody/adoption lawyers and court fees).
She also didn't even bring anything with her when we picked her up, she wasn't even allowed to bring a change of underwear. It's been something that we've had to deal with in counselling that her life with us didn't start till she was almost 12, and we have to begin fresh from there, we cannot turn back the clock and give her back an entire childhood she missed. Like when we went camping for the first time with her, and we were getting things out to visually see what we needed to get from the store and we pulled out the kid's sleeping bags, and she was like "where is mine", and the fact that we didn't already have one hurt her.
Glum_Hamster_1076
And that doesn’t make you an ahole. I hope no one will call you one. Situations change and you’re not always able to “make up for it”. OP didn’t do this to hurt her daughter and it’s weird people are painting it that way. I hope things are going well with you all in therapy and your family is making great strides together.
Comment from OOP
When I initially posted to AITA, I was prepared to face judgment, and open to constructive criticism. However, while I did receive many constructive comments, which I truly appreciate, I received many more that were hateful and unconstructive, and I will admit, I did get defensive. But the attitude I took on in the comments is not one I brought into my interactions with my daughter; please understand that I did not throw in her face all the kind things I feel I've done for her over the years, but was rather attempting to contextualize our relationship for strangers who've never met us.
And before passing any further judgment in the comments, please check below for answers to a lot of the questions asked in the original thread. To answer a few questions: why did I not adopt her until 10 years after I came into her life? Because I never sought to force myself on her as her mother, and waited until she could give me explicit consent to adopt her. Why did I never buy her any stuffed animals? I did. I bought her many when I first met her, as well as one for her official adoption day, and every adoption day celebration since.
And I did technically gift her a stuffed animal for her graduation, too, it was just a plush of her college's mascot rather than a duplicate of a treasured plush from her childhood. So why did I not buy her a duplicate at any point over the last 16 years? I did not think to until my oldest graduated and received hers, by which point I (mistakenly) felt the significance would be lost. Both my bio kids received stuffies saved for them for decades, whereas she would have received one saved for only four years. Instead I tried to honor her in other ways, such as (as I described in the comments) crafting her a cookbook of generational family recipes that I illustrated by hand, because she is her own individual.
Truthfully, while I understand the sentiments expressed in the comments, I don't believe recognizing differences is inherently a bad thing. The duplicate stuffies my bio kids received were duplicates of the very first stuffies to ever be in their crib with them. Their receival of them was a birth event, and I did not give birth to my youngest. But that does not mean I love her any less, or that she is any less my daughter.
We have established our own traditions honoring her entry into my life, such as our celebration of her adoption day, and while I realize I could have handled the stuffie situation better, I do believe it was an honest mistake. But how could I not include her in a treasured family tradition, knowing how important it is (especially as an adopted child) to feel a part of the family? Because I truly did not realize this one specific tradition meant as much to her as it did.
I have strived to include her in as many family traditions as possible throughout the years. As I mentioned in the comments, she speaks German because I taught and spoke it to her growing up, even though her father does not. We celebrate German traditions, such as baking countless batches of German Christmas cookies together every year (just the two of us, neither of her siblings have any interest in baking), which is something I grew up doing with my mom, and every year it is quality time I deeply treasure.
For her 16th birthday I gifted her the locket my mother gifted me on my 16th, which she'd been gifted by my grandmother before me - this actually upset my eldest daughter, who had not received such a hand-me-down, and this is just to name a few. So given the fact that she has on occasion received and taken part in traditions my other kids have been excluded from, I did not think the stuffie would carry as much weight as it ultimately did. But isn't her reaction an indication that there are larger issues at play, and that she has likely felt this way for a while? Perhaps.
I am not a perfect adoptive mother, and have never claimed to be. And I can not see inside her brain, so I cannot know her true feelings. But my sense - and I may be wrong! - is that the larger issues at play relate back to her bio mom, which is something she expressed to me in our conversation. I did not disclose this in my original post, because I did not believe it to be relevant, and it is also a painful topic within our family, but her bio mom committed suicide whilst in the thick of post-partum depression. This has obviously impacted my daughter, who has been in and out of therapy for years grappling with feelings of loss, and guilt.
She is highly sensitive to feeling isolated within our family unit, which is something I should have taken into account in this situation, and I own that. I realize this is a huge hunk of text, but given the visceral reaction many had, I felt it was important to cover my bases. Come to whatever conclusions you all like, I will likely not be checking the comments for my own mental health, and the wellbeing of my family. To all who left genuine advice, even if that meant calling me an asshole, I truly do appreciate you. And to all who said hateful things, especially in regard to the loss of my baby, please consider the impact your words may have moving forward
Comments
Rice-Correct
You’re a good mom. It might’ve been a mistake not to gift her the plush, and it might, as you said, just have been indicative of some larger big emotions going on, as graduating is a HUGE milestone and going to college is an enormous life change that is very rewarding and exciting, but also stressful. But it sounds like you’ve been amazing about creating beautiful memories and experiences together! I think at some point, the plush will be a distant memory. From your post, it seems pretty clear you DO have a good relationship, and you’re a caring, empathetic parent. ENJOY your summer together, Mama!
sharraleigh
Don't take the hateful comments personally; it's easy to be cruel online to a faceless stranger. Also, your original post didn't include all this info (it would've been impossible to anyway), and therefore lacked a lot of the back story and nuance that frankly, a real person's life experience encompasses. Your daughter probably saw your post and realized how her reaction hurt your feelings and read the hateful comments and felt bad for you. It sounds like you have a great relationship and you're lucky to have each other in your lives!
I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments
2024.05.21 15:01 FelicitySmoak_ Tuesday, May 21, 2013 - Jackson v. AEG Live Day 15
 | Trial Day 15 submitted by FelicitySmoak_ to WhereWasMJToday [link] [comments] Katherine, Rebbie and Trent Jackson are at court. LA Times reported that the Jacksons offered a settlement. Kevin Boyle , a lawyer for Katherine Jackson and Michael's kids , said they offered to settle the lawsuit against AEG, but that they never got an answer. Kevin Boyle said the family made the offers in January & March. Boyle would not provide details but said AEG's insurance would have paid, which means they could have settled the case without them paying a dime of their money. He said AEG has never offered to settle & they haven't apologized. Marvin Putnam, an attorney for AEG, said it was inappropriate to discuss settlement discussions: "We don't settle matters that are utterly baseless. We believe that is the case in this matter. I can't see why we would consider a settlement as anything other than a shakedown"CNN Reports there was a snack controversy during trial: AEG lawyers gave a bag of peppermint candy to the bailiff to hand out to the jury this week. Even Katherine Jackson enjoyed the treat but Jackson's lawyer raised an objection, suggesting jurors might be influenced if they realized the source of the sweets. A compromise was reached. Each side can provide snacks for jurors, but they'll be placed at the bailiff's desk before jurors enter court so they have no clue who brought it. Shawn Trell Testimony Jackson direct AEG Live General Counsel, Shawn Trell, told jurors that he had forgotten that Kenny Ortega was working under a signed contract. Trell said he met with his attorneys last night and reviewed one doc -- Kenny Ortega's contract. "He had a written contract," Trell said. "I remember the email dynamic. I'm not too proud to admit that I didn't recall the cover contract," Trell said he was changing his previous testimony to add that Ortega had a written contract, not only emails between him and AEGNext topic was Insurance: Cancellation/Non-Appearance/Sickness. Trell said he started working on insurance for the tour in November of 2008. Panish showed several chains of emails where the parties talked about the insurance for the tour Email from Bob Taylor insurance broker to Trell on 1/7/09: "Prior to speaking with carriers we ask the artist to attend medical with a doctor...A full medical with both blood/urine tests. The doctor also wants to review the medical records over the last 5 years to ensure full disclosure. Insurers require further medical examination to be carried out by their nominated doctor. They may restrict illness coverage or death from illness coverage until this examination has taken place"Email from 4/30/09 - Wooley to Trell : "We have no coverage against Michael sickness unless and until he submits to another medical in LondonEmail from 5/28/09 - Trell to Taylor: "We really need to get that medical done"Email from 6/23/09 - Trell to Taylor : "Any update on the availability of Term insurance?" (life insurance)Trell said if they secured life insurance, they would get money if Michael died. "We would get the money owed to us, yes," Trell testified.Trell also said he continued discussions with an insurance broker about additional coverage to recoup AEG Live's investment if the tour had to be canceled. Email from 6/24/09 -Taylor to Trell : "Insurers have refused to move on this. Huge amount of speculation in the media regarding artist's health. They feel if they're to consider providing illness to cover this particular artist, they must have very through medical report"Email from 6/25/09 - Gongaware to Taylor : "If we don't get sickness coverage, we are dropping this policy"Email from 6/25/09 - Taylor to Gongaware : "The consultation in London is critical. The doctor is holding the afternoon of the 6th July open at Harley St. But keep in mind the visit could take 2 hours plus"Next topic: Budget/Costs. Panish showed an email from AEG's Rick Webking to Michael's estate with 1st report of artist advances/expenses. This was a letter sent to the estate containing the expenses incurred, Trell said. "It seems to me we submitted this report for their review, I don't see any request for payment," Trell said.Trell said he spoke with Randy Phillips and Paul Gongaware about Michael's physical condition prior to coming to testify. "I had heard about rehearsals in which Mr. Jackson was fantastic," Trell saidTrell said he's aware of email from Ortega saying doctor was not allowing Michael to attend rehearsal on June 14, 2009. "I was aware of the doctor not allowing him to attend rehearsal," Trell saidEmail from 6/17/09 from Phillips: "...Ortega, Gongaware, Dileo, and his doctor Conrad from Vegas and I have an intervention with him to get him to focus and come to rehearsal"Email from 6/17/09 from Gongaware to Phillip's assistant: "We need a physical therapist and a nutritionist"Email from Production Manager - Gongaware/Phillips on 6/19/09 : "Paul/Randy I'm not bring a drama queen here. Kenny asked me to notify you both Michael was sent home without stepping foot on stage. He was a basket case and Kenny was concerned he would embarrass himself on stage, or worse yet, be hurt. The company is rehearsing right now, but the DOUBT is pervasive"Email from Randy Phillips to Tim Leiweke on 6/19/09 : "We have a huge problem here."Trell agreed with a statement by plaintiff's attorney, Brian Panish, that company executives knew by then there was a "deep issue" with Jackson Does Trell consider that exchange a "red flag" that AEG Live should have noticed, Panish asked. "I would take it seriously, as I believe Mr. Phillips did," Trell answered. "I don't know I would use the word 'red flag'One of the emails shown to the jury was from Jackson estate co-executor John Branca, sent 5 days before Jackson's death & marked 'confidential': "I have the right therapist/spiritual advisosubstance abuse counselor who could help (recently helped Mike Tyson get sober and paroled) Do we know whether there is a substance issue involved (perhaps better discussed on the phone)The email was sent the same day that a meeting was held at Jackson's home with Murray. No further info given to jury. Trell said Mr. Phillips never told him about this email Email from Ortega to Randy Phillips on 6/20/09: (chain of emails) "I honestly don't think he is ready for this based on his continued physical weakening and deepening emotional state"Trell said he didn't see these emails. He said he spoke with Randy Phillips about Phillips' perception of Michael, in order to prepare for testifying, but not about specific emails. Trell has been designated as the most qualified person to speak on behalf of AEG Email from Phillips to Gongaware on 6/20/09 at 1:52 am : "Tim and I are going to see him tomorrow, however, I'm not sure what the problem is Chemical or Physiological?"From Gongaware to Phillips, on 6/20/09 at 5:59 am : "Take the doctor with you. Why wasn't he there last night?"From Phillips to Gongaware, on 6/20/09 at 2:01 pm : "He is not a psychiatrist so I'm not sure how effective he can be at this point obviously, getting him there is not the issue. It is much deeper"Trell said Randy Phillips went to a handful of rehearsals, three at the Forum and two at Staples Center. The head of the marketing department attended rehearsal on June 23, 2009. "She was blown away by it," Trell testified.He said he was unaware of issues with Jackson at rehearsals. "I knew of no problems with Michael Jackson at all",Trell testified.Trell said he never saw the emails from Phillips directing people to exclude images from This Is It of Michael looking "skeletal" while rehearsing. "What were his observations of Michael's physical condition during rehearsal," Trell said. "I asked for his (Phillips) personal opinion."Next line of questioning is about human resources and background checks. Trell said they can be valuable and useful tools when hiring. Background check costs around $40 to $125. Trell said AEG Live could afford this fee. "We don't do background checks on independent contractors," Trell said. Trell said he was involved in the hiring by AEG Live for the This Is It tour. His department was responsible for retaining independent contractors. Trell said he is not familiar with background check process for hiring. "I am not familiar with the process of doing background checks," Trell said. "No training." Panish: "There was no hiring criteria for the This Is It tour, correct?"Trell: "Not to my knowledge" Trell testified that when it comes to independent contractors, they have either worked with the artists, AEG or known in the industry. Trell agreed that no background check was done on anyone working on the This Is It tour. AEG Live General Counsel Shawn Trell told jurors that no legal or financial checks were done involving Conrad Murray or anyone else who worked as an independent contractor on the This Is It shows. Depending on the nature of the position, a background could be done, Trell said, like for potential employees in the financial area. Trell said he thought a background check would be appropriate for people working in financial roles, but not tour personnel who weren't employees of AEG As to independent contractors, Trell said there's no supervision and monitoring like there's for employees Panish: "You don't do anything to check into background, supervise or protect the artist?"Trell: "No, safety is a concern" Trell said that AEG did not hire Murray, that the doctor was like many independent contractors, "When they leave the environment, what they do on their own time is their own business"Trell testified he doesn't believe the artist is more at risk because AEG Live doesn't do background checks "We did nothing to monitor Dr. Murray," Trell said. "We did not monitor whatever it was that he was doing, no.""It called for Michael Jackson being able to terminate Dr. Murray at will," Trell said about the contract. "If the concerts didn't go forward, and he was terminated under this provision, Dr. Murray would not be paid going forward," Trell explained As to Dr Murray being under dire financial straits, Trell said that he doesn't know if he agrees with it, everyone's perception is different Trell: "I certainly wasn't aware of it at the time"Panish: "Because you didn't check, right?" Trell: "That's right" "I don't think conflict of interests are a good thing, and we would want to prevent it," Trell said Email from Kathy Jorie to Shawn Trell on 6/24/09 at 12:54 am: Subject: Revised agreement with GCA Holdings/Dr. MurrayIt had two attachments Attachments: Revised Michael Jackson -AEG GCA Holdings Murray Agreement 6-18-09 Final MJ -- AEG GCA Holdings Agreement (Dr. Murray) 6-23-09Email chain from 6/23/09, 5:39pm from Jorrie to Wooley, Murray Subject: RE: Michael Jackson - Revised Agreement with GCA Holdings/Dr. Murray Email:"I have redlined the Word version so that you can see all of the revisions. In addition, I've attached clean PDF version for execution" (The email says that if Dr. Murray approved it, he was to print it, sign and send it back to Jorrie) Panish: "Did Ms. Jorrie call this contract a draft?"Trell: "She called it a Final Version" "Every document is a draft until it is executed," Trell said. Panish showed emails exchanged among AEG executives that contained drafts of Murray's contract. Although Murray had signed a contract with the company, neither Jackson nor anyone from AEG had added their signatures. Trell testified that a copy of the contract had never been sent to Jackson With Trell on the stand, Panish played part of an interview that AEG Live President Randy Phillips gave to Sky News television soon after Michael's death. "This guy was willing to leave his practice for a very large sum of money, so we hired him," Phillips said.Panish also showed jurors an e-mail between AEG lawyers suggesting that Phillips told other interviewers AEG Live "hired" Murray. Panish: "Isn't it true that Randy Phillips made numerous comments that AEG Live hired Dr. Murray?"Trell: "I know he has made that statement" Panish said AEG higher-ups became concerned after Phillips made such admission. Trell said he didn't know if that was true. Bruce Black is the General Counsel for parent company of AEG and AEG Live. Michael Roth is AEG's media relations Email from Kathy Jorrie to Bruce Black and Michael Roth on 8/25/09: Subject: AEG Live president says AEG Live hired Dr. Conrad MurrayPanish shows Trell a deposition, under oath, given by insurance broker Bob Taylor on another case. Trell said he has never seen or read it. Trell denied having a telephone conversation with Mr. Taylor where Trell asked him if a doctor's compensation was covered in the insurance. Panish: "Does that refresh your recollection that AEG was employing Dr. Murray?"Trell: "Mr. Taylor has this completely wrong" After lunch break, Brian Panish asked if Shawn Trell wanted to change anything else in his testimony, to which he said "No" Bruce Black, attorney for Anschutz, was present in the meeting with LAPD. Trell met with the police on 1/12/10. Trell told the police that day that Dr. Murray would receive $150,000 compensation per month. Trell also said that Dr. Murray requested and AEG would provide necessary medical equipment and a nurse. More than five months after Jackson's death, Trell said, he informed LAPD detectives that Murray initially requested $5 million to join the tour but eventually agreed to a salary of $150,000 a month for 10 months. Panish: "As far as you know, all the agreements written for TII tour was done under AEG Live Productions, right?"Trell: "Yes" Panish: "Was Dr. Murray trying to help AEG get insurance?" Trell: "The policy was in both names, so he was helping both parties" Trell said Dennis Hawk, who represented Michael, was in touch with Taylor regarding the insurance Panish: "As of June 2009, you don't even know whether Mr. Jackson had a personal managerTrell: "Well, my understanding at the time there were a couple of people acting in that capacity" Email on 6/2/09 from Randy Phillips to Jeff Wald: "Jeff, remember getting Michael to focus is not the easiest thing in the world and we still have no lawyer, business manager, or, even real manager in place. It is a nightmare!"Trell said the only time he saw an artist's signature required to retain an independent contractor was for Dr. Murray. Trell said his understanding was that Dr. Murray worked for Michael for 3 years; didn't know how many times MJ saw Dr. Murray. "I've never spoken with Dr. Murray ever. And I met/spoke with Mr. Jackson once," Trell said. "He was a significant expense," Trell testified about Dr. Murray.Trell said AEG Live didn't do anything to check Dr. Murray's competency as doctor, other than checking his physician license. Trell said AEG didn't do anything to determine Dr. Murray's financial conditions in 2009. Jury was shown an email that Phillips sent to Kenny Ortega on night of June 20, 2009. It was email urging Ortega to stand down. Email on 6/20/09 Phillips to Ortega : "Kenny it's critical that neither you, me, anyone around this show become amateur psychiatrist/physicians. I had a lengthy conversation with Dr. Murray, who I am gaining immense respect for as I get to deal with him more. He said that Michael is not only physically equipped to perform & discouraging him to will hasten his decline instead of stopping it. Dr. Murray also reiterated that he is mentally able to and was speaking to me from the house where he had spent the morning with Michael. This doctor is extremely successful (we check everyone out) and does not need this gig so he is totally unbiased and ethical"Panish asked Trell whether Phillips "characterization to Ortega, given no background check was done, was a lie". Trell responded that he didn't know what Phillips knew or was thinking when he wrote that email to Ortega. Trell also said he expected Randy Phillips to testify at some point during the trial, so he could address the email himself Panish then asked Trell, "Sir, you never checked out one single thing about Dr. Murray -- you've already told me that, correct?""As of the date of the email, that would've been correct",Trell said. When pressed by Panish, Trell said that Phillips' statement that Murray had been checked out, along with the executive's claim that the doctor 'does not need this gig' were inaccurate. "I don't know where Randy's understanding or impression comes from", Trell said.Trell testified that Phillips might have been "misinformed" or simply was stating his impression of the Las Vegas cardiologist Panish: "But no one at AEG checked Dr. Murray to see if he was successful or not, isn't that true?"Trell: "Yes" Panish then asked several pointed questions about whether Shawn Trell agreed with Phillips telling Ortega they'd checked Murray out. One of Panish's questions was whether Trell thought Phillips' email was 'acceptable conduct' Panish called Phillips' statement "a flat out lie" and asked Trell whether he agreed with it or if it signified how AEG did business. Trell said he didn't know what Phillips thought he knew when he wrote the message. "I know this statement is not accurate, but you'd have to speak with Mr. Phillips about what he thought or meant in saying it," Trell said. Panish: "That's a flat out lie, isn't it sir?"Trell: "I don't know what Mr. Phillips intended to say, this should be a question to him" Panish: "You don't know if he was successful or facing bankruptcy, did you?" Trell: "No" Trell: "I know the statement is not accurate. You have to speak with Mr. Phillips about what he meant to say" Panish: "Do you agree with the CEO of your company making untrue statements?" Trell: "I don't know that he didn't know it wasn't true when he said it" Trell said Phillips never told him that he checked Dr. Murray out. As to reference in Phillips' email about Dr. Murray being unbiased, ethical, not needing this gig, Trell said it was Phillips' impressions. He said AEG typically only runs background checks on candidates applying for full-time jobs with AEG, not independent contractors. Panish: "Isn't it true AEG Live does not do background check on independent contractors?"Trell: "That's true" Trell said that no one from AEG interviewed Dr. Murray because he was an independent contractor. "Did anyone from AEG ever at any time interview Dr. Murray", asked Brian Panish"No", Trell replied. Panish showed a document used by AEG entitled "Disclosure and Authorization to Conduct Background Check". Doc is used for employment, promotion, retention, contingent or the rate staffing, consulting, sub-contract work, or volunteer work. Panish asked if there was any reason why Dr. Murray was not given a background check. "He wasn't an employee, he wasn't applying for a full time position with the company," Trell explained.Trell said theoretically they could've asked to check Dr. Murray's background and credit. AEG Cross Jessica Bina began her examination by showing the letter submitted by AEG's CFO to the Estate of Michael Jackson for their review. She asked Shawn Trell about the estimate presented to Jackson's estate that included Murray's $300k fees. She asked why it was prepared. Shawn Trell said it was done at the request of the estate. He said Jackson's estate wanted to know state of tour finances when Jackson died. Trell said the report was requested by the Estate after a series of meetings after Michael's death. "The purpose of the meeting was to wind up the business affairs of the tour due to Michael's death", Trell said. "It was my understating in June Tohme was back in the picture in some capacity. I'm not sure which, Mr. DiLeo was in it too," Trell saidBina: "Is there any request for payment?" Trell: "No, there's no demand for payment, it's for review" Stebbins Bina asked about the inclusion of Murray's fee in the document. Bina showed the report that was attached to the letter. Murray's fee on the document had a footnote. Trell read what that footnote said, and explained why estate wasn't asked for Murray's fee. Next to "Management Medical" there's a reference to footnote 3. Note 3: 'Contract is not signed by Michael Jackson and such signature was condition precedent to any payment obligation' - Footnote on Murray fee.Trell testified Webking, the CFO for AEG, did not ask Michael's Estate for payment of Dr. Murray's salary "You testified you were somewhat confused (by the inclusion of the $300,000)?", Bina asked Trell as she projected the list, dated July 17, 2009, on a screen for jurors."Do you see there's something in parentheses?', Stebbins Bina asked, zooming in to blow up a footnote from AEG CFO Frederick Webking that stated Michael Jackson never signed Murray's contract, so its terms were not enforceable. "Is Mr. Webking asking the estate to pay?", Stebbins Bina asked Trell. "No", he replied, explaining that upon reflection he believed Mr. Webking was just being 'thorough' by including the $300,000 as a budgeted cost. "Did Mr. Webking make a mistake as you thought yesterday?",she asked. "No, he did not", Trell answered Second report made to the Estate on 9/18/09, there was no amount next to management medical. Stebbins Bina then showed a Sept. 2009 report of This Is It's finances to Michael Jackson's estate. Murray's fee is not listed in that document Trell went through his job description with AEG. He said he has five lawyers in his department and has worked on thousands of agreements. Trell explained what PMK is -- Person Most Knowledgeable, identified by the company to testify on its behalf. Trell said he didn't know about all the topics he was designated, so he had to do some studying and interviews with people As to Ortega's contract, Trell said he was aware of a string of emails being at least a part of the original agreement with Kenny. "When we were done here yesterday, I looked at Kenny Ortega's original agreement," Trell said.Trell noted he hadn't looked at Ortega's agreement since it was entered into in 2009. Before the afternoon break, Trell and jury were shown Kenny Ortega's tour agreement. It was signed in April 2009. The agreement was three pages of legalese, with several pages of emails attached that confirmed the terms. The first three pages included some paragraphs that described who owned the rights to This Is It content. A large number of emails are part of the agreement as exhibits. Trell said he recalled the emails exchange and admitted again not being proud of forgetting the cover contract portion. Bina showed Ortega's executed contract with everyone's signature on it. Trell said Kenny Ortega was paid after his contract was signed. Trell, Phillips and Kathy Jorrie were involved in drafting and negotiating the contract with Michael Jackson. For MJ, Trell said Dr. Tohme Tohme and attorneys Dennis Hawk and Peter Lopez represented him. He said there were multiple drafts. "It's my understanding they were talking to, or at least receiving offers from, a competitive of ours, Live Nation," Trell said.Trell also said that before signing an agreement with AEG, Jackson had been considering a tour offer from its main competitor, Live Nation. Bina showed the jury the final tour agreement. Trell said he went to MJ's home at Carolwood to sign it. Upon arrival, Trell said Mr. Jackson got up from where he was seated, and said 'Hi, welcome, I'm Michael." Trell said it was pretty funny, since he was a very distinct person. Trell said they shook hands, he had a good firm handshake and his voice was not what people think "He popped up, came over, introduced himself, was very cordial, there was a real positive energy, good vibe in the room," Trell said. "He seemed genuinely enthused," Trell added. "He had the contract in front of him, said he read every page, seemed very enthused." Trell said they all signed it and Mr. Jackson was really keen on the 3-D stuff, that he was already down the road in his mind. "I was probably there just a little less than an hour. And that was the only time I met him," Trell recalled.Bina discussed the contract for the tour agreement: A first class performance by Artist at each show on each of the approved itineraries. Contract: Artist shall perform no less than 80 minutes at each show, and the maximum show length for each show shall be 3.5 hours. Artist shall approve a sufficient number of shows on itineraries proposed by promoter or producer as to recoup the advances made.Trell said compensation was agreed on 90-10 split. Artist received 90% of what's defined contingent compensation. Trell explained to jury how concerts get paid for. One scenario is artist pays for production up front. A second scenario is that the promoter gives artist an advance, and then they use the money to put together the show. The third option, Trell said, is the artist pays someone like AEG Live to produce and promote the show, with costs to come out of their pay. Trell called the second and third option like an interest-free loan. In Jackson's case, AEG agreed to a 90/10 split of show's proceeds. Jackson would have received the 90% portion, Trell said. Jackson was also on the hook for a 5% production fee AEG Live was promoter & producer. "We advanced the money necessary to mount the tour," Trell explained. "It's interest free money".Trell testified that Jackson's advance, which covered his $100,000-a-month rent on his mansion and a $3-million payment to settle a lawsuit that would free up his performance rights, was considered a loan to be paid back to AEG. Part of the advance was to pay off the settlement agreement of $3 million in London court. The underlying dispute was that a company owned the rights for Jackson's live performance. "The rights needed to be freed up," Trell said.The advances were to be paid back to AEG Live before the split of revenue. Production Advances were capped to $7.5 million. Contract: Artist was responsible for all the production costs in excess of the cap and had to reimburse promoter. "Michael Jackson was known to have very elaborate productions," Trell said. "Production values can get significant, for lack of a better word, it really depends on how many bells and whistles they want," Trell said.Trell said AEG would not advance money without the artist requesting it. Trell said it's not only typical and customary, but standard and artist needs to secure either non-appearance or cancellation insurance. Their interest in the policy, Trell said, was to cover the advances and production costs incurred with the production of the show. "If the were no obligations to AEG, the payout would go back to the artist", Trell explained, "It just recoups our loan made to the artist."Trell was also asked about elements of tour insurance policies and an agreement with former manager Tohme Tohme. Jackson's contract called for him to represent to AEG that he didn't have any health conditions that would keep him from performing. Contract: Artistco hereby represents and warrants that artist does not possess any known health conditions, injuries or ailments that would reasonable be expected to interfere with Artist's first class performance at each of the shows during the termOh Tohme's $100k per month agreement, Trell was shown a January contract that Jackson signed to pay that amount. However, Trell said Tohme's agreement was predicated on Jackson getting tour cancellation insurance by a certain date. Deadline passed and by that point Tohme was no longer Jackson's manager, so he wasn't entitled to be paid his monthly fee. January 24, 2009 -- agreement entered with Dr. Tohme Tohme. Trell said Michael was involved and signed this agreement. "This agreement was entered into January 26, Trell testified. "There are conditions that needed to be met before any payment could be made."One of the the conditions was placement of non-appearance insurance, Trell said. That placement was done in late April, early May. In May, AEG received letter from MJ saying Tohme didn't rep him anymore. "No payments were ever made under this agreement," Trell explained.Court Transcript Rebbie Jackson attending court https://preview.redd.it/mmatrsug5o1d1.jpg?width=443&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b2bb18c8e5e6bca215719208409346bccaf96bc4 https://preview.redd.it/h6ywhnug5o1d1.jpg?width=443&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4576d97371141a308ad6300fb33400f28ed009e3 https://preview.redd.it/wd14srug5o1d1.jpg?width=508&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=31ded1abac7f1916fc67b5d0b264dd231b96f275 https://preview.redd.it/pvrb3vug5o1d1.jpg?width=423&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2e4e93a20eccf030747d4ee60a95365b5e41e9ce https://preview.redd.it/yexbwrug5o1d1.jpg?width=419&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c26155b8478e7c48f8863d946b836f1ab2a13fe8 https://preview.redd.it/o6nzk0vg5o1d1.jpg?width=483&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f146baaaa738ec5fe700fa42aaf58e138f21165f https://preview.redd.it/vuozioug5o1d1.jpg?width=431&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f229517cb96a8f80571439f6f0e27f8c6c7852bc |
2024.05.21 15:01 Appropriate_Way6946 Musings of painting daily
Folks I wanted to open up a discussion on flow state. Have any of you experienced this during your painting sessions? Over the last two years I’ve committed to painting daily and managed to average around 2 hrs a day, 5 days a week in that period of time. Obv on off days I paired more or not at all so that factors but what I’m getting at is that the result has improved my skill set dramatically. Now, what I’m curious about is, do any of you have an inner voice that guides you as you paint in a flow state? Before you label me crazy hear me out. In the last year or so I’ve noticed that at times in a session when I may be approaching a new technique or I’m about to do something different, I get some sort of inner dialogue going regarding how to approach it. Like say I am glazing a power sword layer up. I might be about to do another layer and then a thought like “you should wait, you’ll pull up the previous layer” runs through my mind. I always attributed that to part of a normal paint process. However, it seems to be getting, stronger or more clear? It’s bizarre…like now I can almost quiet my mind and this dialogue will tell me what I want to know about approaching a technique or it will warn me not to do something impatient or stupid lol. It’s like I don’t need to go to Patreon, YouTube, or google for references anymore and I do attribute a lot of it to gaining a lot of brush time and experience in recent yrs. Now, this is not a complaint, more an observation that has me pondering the existence of muses as guides and inspiration for art.
Do any of you have any thoughts or experience regarding this phenomenon or concept?
submitted by Appropriate_Way6946 to Miniaturespainting [link] [comments]
Do any of you have any thoughts or experience regarding this phenomenon or concept?
2024.05.21 15:01 Potential_Help_5296 My zoloft experience vs my prozac experience
I started taking zoloft at the age of of 16 from constant over stimulation that had started once i hit puberty at 11 years old. The first few months on zoloft i felt happier than i had ever felt before to a pretty extreme extent. I didnt know this was an odd reaction to ssri’s especially since up to the age of 16 i had never done any drugs. I hadn’t ever even had caffeine before besides the low amount in soda which I rarely ever had. The reason im saying this is because there were nothing in my life i had experienced that was mind altering. This is why i didnt know at the time that i was really, really high on zoloft. Apparently it was obvious to my family who have said it was very obvious something was wrong once I started. I became the most extreme extrovert anyone could ever become. This all lead to me going from a normal 3.0 gpa to graduating with a 1.8 gpa. I became a drug addict in the worst way possible. I had become so impulsive. I went from being a kid who never lies or does anything bad to the guy who lies for no reason. I became a poly addict within months of starting zoloft. I became completely disconnected from not only friends but to my parents as well. This continued for 2 years until i finally stopped taking it at 18. Once i stopped taking zoloft i did a complete 180, well sort of. The addictions i picked up on zoloft for the most part stopped, except for one drug which i still struggle with. That being adderall and vyvanse. Thank the lord i never met anyone with meth during this time. There were other drugs i was addicted too as well while on zoloft like oxycodone, hydrocodone, weed, nicotine, xanax, Klonopin, alcohol and even more. I was addicted to all of these. I couldnt stop thinking about getting high. Its all i thought about. Always thinking of ways to get drugs. My parents had to buy a safe specifically for there prescriptions to keep me from stealing them. Even my own zoloft was in there safe because i would take 4 a day when i was prescribed to take one 50mg. I even abused tylenal(acetaminophen). My parents also couldn’t keep alcohol anywhere in the house since everynight after they went to bed i would search the whole house for it.
Second time on ssri’s
Right around when i had turned 20 i began getting my first ever panic attacks. Most of them were the normal panic attacks, well normal probably isn’t the right word. I mean most of the attacks i had i could deal with on my own since they all happened at night when i was alone. One night though that changed. This particular night i felt that dreadful anxiety which i had been feeling for the past couple weeks already but it had never gotten to the point where it was too overwhelming for me deal with on my own. I was just laying in bed going to sleep, then it just happened in less than a second i knew i was gonna die. I knew this was it. I couldn’t breathe or i guess i could breathe but for some reason every time i would inhale it was just like i wasn’t idk. That immediate overwhelming feeling of death is the worst pain i hade ever felt. Worse than any physical pain id ever had, well i guess its the worst thing i’ve ever felt period at least at this point in my life. Because of this i went to the doctor. I refused to take ssri’s for it while also really trying to stay away from benzodiazepines for obvious reasons. So i perscribed Buspiron which is kinda in its on catargory. It’s non addictive and its not an antidepressant. So I took it for just about a month. Made me lowkey feel like shit. Constant headaches along with being really hot which is kinda problem since i work physical labor pretty much only outside all while it’s july. So unfortunately the only other option was ssri’s since im still on my parents health insurance my mom would never in a million years allow me take benzodiazepine which is obviously understandable. So i get a script for prozac cause it’s not Zoloft so maybe it’ll be a little different. Boy oh boy was it different. So basically the prozac ended up doing exactly the opposite of what the Zoloft did. I became more depressed than i had ever been by a landslide. Legit would fantasize killing myself. The first two weeks on prozac i would do nothing. Like straight up nothing but think about how amazing it would be to get relief by meeting up with my favorite tree. Eventually it went away for the most part. Then i stopped taking it 3 moths ago, so i was on it for 9 months total. I just felt normal on it for the most part. The only other thing it did that was bothersome was make me a little short tempered.
Ive just been curious if anyone else has experienced something similar to me.
submitted by Potential_Help_5296 to zoloft [link] [comments]
Like i said though once I turned 18 i stopped taking zoloft and just like that all of my hyper focused drug cravings went away, all of them except for amphetamines which i still struggle with today. Also this isnt really related but when i was 19 i tried molly(mdma) with a friend which i had only had gotten because i started abusing amphetamines again which for some reason amphetamines also make me impulsive, but not to the same level as Zoloft though. Anyways when i took the molly, guess what it felt like?! It was literally the exact same head space and just over all feeling i had during the first 6 moths on Zoloft. It felt exactly the same, just it only lasted for a few hourse and made me very umm aroused, and a bit hyped.Im about to turn 21 in 7 days so it really hasnt been to long since my manic days.
Second time on ssri’s
Right around when i had turned 20 i began getting my first ever panic attacks. Most of them were the normal panic attacks, well normal probably isn’t the right word. I mean most of the attacks i had i could deal with on my own since they all happened at night when i was alone. One night though that changed. This particular night i felt that dreadful anxiety which i had been feeling for the past couple weeks already but it had never gotten to the point where it was too overwhelming for me deal with on my own. I was just laying in bed going to sleep, then it just happened in less than a second i knew i was gonna die. I knew this was it. I couldn’t breathe or i guess i could breathe but for some reason every time i would inhale it was just like i wasn’t idk. That immediate overwhelming feeling of death is the worst pain i hade ever felt. Worse than any physical pain id ever had, well i guess its the worst thing i’ve ever felt period at least at this point in my life. Because of this i went to the doctor. I refused to take ssri’s for it while also really trying to stay away from benzodiazepines for obvious reasons. So i perscribed Buspiron which is kinda in its on catargory. It’s non addictive and its not an antidepressant. So I took it for just about a month. Made me lowkey feel like shit. Constant headaches along with being really hot which is kinda problem since i work physical labor pretty much only outside all while it’s july. So unfortunately the only other option was ssri’s since im still on my parents health insurance my mom would never in a million years allow me take benzodiazepine which is obviously understandable. So i get a script for prozac cause it’s not Zoloft so maybe it’ll be a little different. Boy oh boy was it different. So basically the prozac ended up doing exactly the opposite of what the Zoloft did. I became more depressed than i had ever been by a landslide. Legit would fantasize killing myself. The first two weeks on prozac i would do nothing. Like straight up nothing but think about how amazing it would be to get relief by meeting up with my favorite tree. Eventually it went away for the most part. Then i stopped taking it 3 moths ago, so i was on it for 9 months total. I just felt normal on it for the most part. The only other thing it did that was bothersome was make me a little short tempered.
Ive just been curious if anyone else has experienced something similar to me.
2024.05.21 15:01 aznpersuazion A Review Of GoldBelly in 2023. Is it Safe to Use?
This is not sponsored by Goldbelly. This review is solely written from my own experiences with the company. Goldbelly is a delivery service that pairs customers with popular restaurants across the United States. You can order from thousands of restaurants, markets, and stores across the nation.
Food safety and regulations..
After numerous orders with Goldbelly, it is safe to say that their product works as intended. I know there are a lot of negative complaints about Goldbelly online about food arriving spoiled, but I can assure you that after dozens of orders, food has always arrived on time and safely refrigerated. The complaints that you see online are likely the minority.
When delivering food via popular mailing services, companies like Goldbelly don't have a ton of control as to if the food arrives on time. But from my experience, the regulation around the amount of insulation and dry ice/ice packs the company makes restaurants has gotten a lot better in recent years. This makes it so food generally can last at last 24 hours after their intended arrival date.
If you're considering giving Goldbelly a chance, the product is trustworthy.
Overall review..
Goldbelly is definitely expensive. You're paying 2-3 times more sometimes, and some of the food won't be as fresh as having the option to dine in. Goldbelly is useful if you're really trying to splurge, or send someone the gift of some food they normally don't get to eat.
I would stay away from shops that have a 4.2 review or lower.
If you're interested in using it. American Express cards often have offers and credits for the service, where you can save 40-50%. Rakuten also has additional cash back for the service.
**If you found any of this helpful, please consider using a referral link. You get additional sign up and welcome bonuses. Signing up and using Rakuten for cash back is free!*\*
Rakuten: www.rakuten.com/QIANTE3?eeid=44971
Amex Gold: https://americanexpress.com/en-us/referral/PARRYC8P8N?XLINK=MYCP
**Additional Tips*\*
You can also substitute the Amex Gold with the Capital One Venture X. AMEX Gold gives you 4X points for dining and groceries, but 1X points of other categories. Venture X gives you 2X points on all purchases, which can be used to get more points on retail, cell phone bill, and other purchases.
Capital One Venture X: https://i.capitalone.com/J8Jn8yE0u
If you want to travel with more luxury, the Amex Plat lets you gives you access to great travel benefits like AMEX Centurion and Delta Skyclub airport lounge access, and other perks like elite status at hotels, which make you eligible for complimentary room upgrades.
Amex Plat: https://americanexpress.com/en-us/referral/HUIQITJbcu?XLINK=MYCP
submitted by aznpersuazion to travelfooddiaries [link] [comments]
Food safety and regulations..
After numerous orders with Goldbelly, it is safe to say that their product works as intended. I know there are a lot of negative complaints about Goldbelly online about food arriving spoiled, but I can assure you that after dozens of orders, food has always arrived on time and safely refrigerated. The complaints that you see online are likely the minority.
When delivering food via popular mailing services, companies like Goldbelly don't have a ton of control as to if the food arrives on time. But from my experience, the regulation around the amount of insulation and dry ice/ice packs the company makes restaurants has gotten a lot better in recent years. This makes it so food generally can last at last 24 hours after their intended arrival date.
If you're considering giving Goldbelly a chance, the product is trustworthy.
Overall review..
Goldbelly is definitely expensive. You're paying 2-3 times more sometimes, and some of the food won't be as fresh as having the option to dine in. Goldbelly is useful if you're really trying to splurge, or send someone the gift of some food they normally don't get to eat.
I would stay away from shops that have a 4.2 review or lower.
If you're interested in using it. American Express cards often have offers and credits for the service, where you can save 40-50%. Rakuten also has additional cash back for the service.
**If you found any of this helpful, please consider using a referral link. You get additional sign up and welcome bonuses. Signing up and using Rakuten for cash back is free!*\*
Rakuten: www.rakuten.com/QIANTE3?eeid=44971
Amex Gold: https://americanexpress.com/en-us/referral/PARRYC8P8N?XLINK=MYCP
**Additional Tips*\*
You can also substitute the Amex Gold with the Capital One Venture X. AMEX Gold gives you 4X points for dining and groceries, but 1X points of other categories. Venture X gives you 2X points on all purchases, which can be used to get more points on retail, cell phone bill, and other purchases.
Capital One Venture X: https://i.capitalone.com/J8Jn8yE0u
If you want to travel with more luxury, the Amex Plat lets you gives you access to great travel benefits like AMEX Centurion and Delta Skyclub airport lounge access, and other perks like elite status at hotels, which make you eligible for complimentary room upgrades.
Amex Plat: https://americanexpress.com/en-us/referral/HUIQITJbcu?XLINK=MYCP
2024.05.21 15:00 Knowing_Eve What next? Random yellow stool
In 2012 I suddenly out of nowhere started having severe gallbladder attacks (I didn’t know what they were though, I was a young adult and never had the pain before) to the point I couldn’t eat or stand straight. Then my eyes turned yellow and my urine was bright yellow, stools were white clay colour. The pain was so much that I got taken to hospital and they ran tests and admitted me because I was apparently severely dehydrated (despite drinking enough and eating enough) and my liver was on the verge of failing (their words). I was in hospital for a week. They did an ultrasound on day 4 (they waited this long because apparently they didn’t suspect gallbladder issues due to my age - they were testing me for hepatitis and aids instead.. obviously came back negative). The ultrasound showed nothing, so they said that they suspect gallstones but assume I’ve passed them now.
Left hospital.. stools were yellow off and on for months. Pain was intermittent for months. I’d have mini attacks. Had an ultrasound 4 months after the event and it shows some stones.
Issues seemed to go away.
Through the years since 2012 I’ve had the occasional ‘gallbladder liver’ ‘ache’ sensation in the correct region. Usually after I’d eaten things high in omegas or very oily fatty things. But it was once in a blue moon that it would happen, and I’d take apple cider vinegar and it would resolve the ache very quickly. So it wasn’t really a ‘bother’.
Recently however I’ve been having intermittent and random digestive issues.. my gut will start bubbling and feel weird and then I’ll go to the bathroom and my bowel movement will be super loose or diarrhoea, usually bright yellow. I’ve not noticed anything that actually triggers this, it just happens. The rest of the time my bowel movements are totally normal.
For about 1-2 years now, the upper section of my stomach has been distended/bloated/tight feeling. Sometimes I have to stand up because when I sit down I feel slightly breathless. Not sure if this is linked but I thought I would mention it.
Every time they’ve done blood work it shows my liver enzymes are normal.
I’m in the UK. What do you suggest I do?
I don’t drink, smoke, take any substances, etc. so I’m not sure why it’s happening to me?
Other symptoms are: Acne especially on my shoulders and back, often on my chin too. Adrenaline rushes for no reason. Tachycardia. Random nausea. Sometimes lots of belching or gas for no obvious reason but some food must have triggered it. Can’t eat mayo without feeling crap afterwards and my digestion being weird.
To add - I don’t feel any pain or discomfort at all when I get these digestive issues and stool issues..
submitted by Knowing_Eve to gallbladders [link] [comments]
Left hospital.. stools were yellow off and on for months. Pain was intermittent for months. I’d have mini attacks. Had an ultrasound 4 months after the event and it shows some stones.
Issues seemed to go away.
Through the years since 2012 I’ve had the occasional ‘gallbladder liver’ ‘ache’ sensation in the correct region. Usually after I’d eaten things high in omegas or very oily fatty things. But it was once in a blue moon that it would happen, and I’d take apple cider vinegar and it would resolve the ache very quickly. So it wasn’t really a ‘bother’.
Recently however I’ve been having intermittent and random digestive issues.. my gut will start bubbling and feel weird and then I’ll go to the bathroom and my bowel movement will be super loose or diarrhoea, usually bright yellow. I’ve not noticed anything that actually triggers this, it just happens. The rest of the time my bowel movements are totally normal.
For about 1-2 years now, the upper section of my stomach has been distended/bloated/tight feeling. Sometimes I have to stand up because when I sit down I feel slightly breathless. Not sure if this is linked but I thought I would mention it.
Every time they’ve done blood work it shows my liver enzymes are normal.
I’m in the UK. What do you suggest I do?
I don’t drink, smoke, take any substances, etc. so I’m not sure why it’s happening to me?
Other symptoms are: Acne especially on my shoulders and back, often on my chin too. Adrenaline rushes for no reason. Tachycardia. Random nausea. Sometimes lots of belching or gas for no obvious reason but some food must have triggered it. Can’t eat mayo without feeling crap afterwards and my digestion being weird.
To add - I don’t feel any pain or discomfort at all when I get these digestive issues and stool issues..