How much does for wedding at venetian nj

We'd love to get some info on what you think the best dog breed would be for us, as we're not entirely sure yet, any input is more than welcome. Also, sorry in advance for the amount of stuff i typed down, i saw that i was supposed to be specific, so i was, again, sorry. And thank you! **What breeds or types of dogs are you interested in and why?** * Honestly, I think we both love any kind of dog, but, i'll try to be more specific. I know that we both like retrievers, like the golden retriever and the labrador retriever, as they seem like the perfect blend of playful and friendly. We also really like spitz type dog breeds, like the shiba inu for example, this one is because, at least in my expirience, they seems like really intelligent, loyal and also kind of affectionate breeds once they get to know you better, plus, the shiba inu is pretty independent as well, which i think is a good thing since we both work full time jobs, allthough she leaves her workplace slightly earlier than me, about 30 minutes before i do. We also both have expirience with mutts, as we both grew up with family mutts when we were younger, and at least in our expirience, we both think that they tend to be very affectionate, and also incredibly hyper dogs. **What role is your dog expected to fill and how do you envision your dog fulfilling that role?** * I think the role i would like them to feel would just as a companion dog, you know, go on walks, run, play, bond, and all that jazz. That's pretty much it really, i'm sorry i can't be more specific but that's really all that we want lmao. **What experience do you have owning dogs? How about training dogs?** Have you been the primary caregiver of a dog before? If yes, what breed(s)? What is your experience with puppy or senior dog care? * As I've mentioned before, yes, I have had expirience taking care of dogs, as has my partner, i for one, have had 3 dogs during my life time, which can be sad depending on how you look at it, but the first dog lived all her happy doggo life, she was an amazing dog, but the second one, unfortunatly, had cancer, which again, unfortunatly was caught way too late, my family has a third dog now, which they still currently do. Allthough, as far as training goes, that's actually where I'm not as expirienced, since my first dog was from when i was but a child, and when i actually grew up to know that i was supposed to train her, she was already trained, i tried to train the second one, which seemed to be working, but again, things happen, and the one that my family currently has, I don't have much of a bond with, since I moved out 3 months after we got him. Anyway as far as being a primary caregiver, nope, I've never been the primary caregiver of a dog before, that's true for us both. In terms of what dog breeds we owned, the first one was a mutt, allthoug im pretty sure she was something of a chihuahua or something like that, since she was very small, but she was the sweetest little pupper so, yeah. The second one was a shiba inu, which i suspect might have had some golden retriever in him, but i'm really not sure, just a hunch, the third one is a husky. As for my partner, she's had a shiba inu as her first dog and a mutt as her second. **Do you have other pets or are you planning on having other pets?** If so, what breed/type, age, and sex are they? * Maybe a cat, we have talked about it, and we thought that it might be easier for them to get along if they were both introduced to each other at an early age, but that's not really something we're sure about right now, but for the sake of the argument, let's say that yeah, a cat. **Do you have children or are you planning on having children? Do you often have children as visitors, such as nieces, nephews, cousins, or friends' children?** * No we do not have children, but we plan to have children in the future, maybe in about 3 years, as we have always dreamed of starting a family. We also do get our fair bit of visitors, but also not thaaaat often, maybe a couple times a week or once a month, depends really. **Do you rent or will you be renting in the future? If so, what breed or weight restrictions are on your lease?** What type of building do you rent (condo, apartment, high-rise apartment, townhome, single-family home, etc)? * We are currently renting an apartment, i'd think we live in a fairly big apartment, not huge but, big i'd say. As far as i know the landlord doesn't really care what breed we have as long as it's not too loud as not to disturb the neighbours, which i get, honestly. **Who lives in your household and who will be responsible for taking care of the dog?** How do the other members of the household feel about having a new dog? * As of now, only me and my partner live in this household, and we're both gonna be responsible for it, and im pretty sure we're both giddy with excitement over getting a new pupper. As for as future kids, i mean, what kid doesn't like a friendly and playful doggo? **How often do you have visitors to your home?** * As i've mentioned, a fair bit, a couple times a week or sometimes once a month if evveryone's busy or something. **Do you have a preference for rescuing a dog vs. going through a knowledgeable and reputable breeder?** * I wouldn't mind a rescue honestly, but my partner isn't so sure about that one, so we both agreed we would want to go through the process of finding a good breeder. Maybe one day we'll rescue one though, but as far of right now, she'd rather have a dog from that's still a puppy, since she wants to have the expirience of seeing the pupper grow up, which i can understand, and am fine with. **Do you want a puppy, a young adult (1-3 years), an adult, or a senior? Why?** * As I've mentioned before, we'd want to get a puppy, as we want to see the puppy grow up, and have that expirience, since, like i said before, we were never the primary caregiver of the puppers we did have while growing up. **What size dog are you looking for?** [Here is a size chart for your convenience.](http://i.imgur.com/vnz3usJ.jpg) * After we saw the chart, we'd want a dog that would be taller or equal to a corgi, or at least that's what the dog looked like to us on the chart. **How much barking is too much barking?** * You know the kind of dog that once they hear something outside, they go into a frenzy and don't shut up for the next excruciating minutes, that would be too much barking, obviously, most dogs are going to bark, that's only natural for them, but i'd rather ot have a dog would not shut up no matter what for hours on end basically, for the convenience of our neighbours. **How much regular brushing are you willing to do?** * That's not really an issue for us really, for some reason we both like brushing the dogs, at least for me, it's just really calming and brings me to a meditative like state which is quite pleasant, so yeah. But i'd say that like once or twice a week, as we do like dog with smooth coats, don't know why, but maybe because of the kind of dogs we had while we grew up. **How much shedding do you think you can handle?** Some breeds of dogs shed more than others. Some breeds don't shed, but require trimming or other coat maintenance instead. * I'd say we can tolerate a moderate amount of shedding, it's only expected, and we're not allergic to dogs in any way. but i'd also like to not go crazy cleaning everything and all the time, cause that would get old really fast, so yeah, moderate to low shedding would be ideal. **Are you open to trimming your dog's hair, cleaning ears, clipping nails, or doing other grooming at home? If not, would you be willing to pay a professional to do it regularly?** * Yes to both questions. **How do you feel about slobber? What about farts?** * Slobber is fine mostly i guess, somewhat gross i guess, too many farts are a no-no for my partner as she and her family have this crazy sensitive nose, and she will gag if it's a frequent thing. **How eager-to-please or independent do you want your dog to be?** * Both are great personality traits to have, but maybe a mix of both i guess. Though i guess if i had to choose it would be eager to please but, again we both work, so maybe a mix of the two would be ideal. **What sorts of training do you want your adult dog to have?** * i guess like positive reinforcement, obedience training or whatever it's called, socializing, leash training when we're walking around the streets, behavioral training if necessary of course, ya know, the usual. **Is there any behavior you can’t accommodate?** * Well i guess this is a pretty straight forward answer, but yeah, aggression. I'm well aware no dog is inherintly aggressive and it depends on the way the owners train him and all, but I'd rather we have a dog that's just not as likely to be aggressive because, eventhough we have had dogs before, we were never really the ones that took care of them, so, i don't know i guess im kinda afraid that i'll mess the puppy up, or i'll do a mistake and bam now he's super aggressive. Maybe it's a irrational for me to think like that but yeah, it is what it is. **How important is being able to let your dog roam off-leash in an unfenced area?** * Fairly important, i'd say that's a quality for a dog to do so, since I did grow up in a village and, so far, all my dogs we're allowed to walk off leash for at least a good while, and they were fine, obviously we're now in a city and that's just not gonna fly but i'd like to let him roam a little when we're hiking or, idk in a dog park or something. **How long can you exercise your dog each day, on average? What kinds of exercise are you planning to give your dog regularly?** * Well me and my partner as basically always available after 4 PM, so, yeah, i'd say we'd be able to easily give him exercise for like 4 hours, as we're both pretty active people. **How long do you have to devote to mental stimulation each day?** * Good question, i'm not interely sure how much mental stimulation they would need but i'd guess around an hour or like two would be good, but anyway that's all a guess, i'd try my best to give the dog all the physical and mental stimulation it would need, as would my partner. **Where will the dog be kept when alone and where will the dog sleep?** * At our apartment, and he would be able to sleep in our room, not necessarily in our bed, but in our room i guess. **How often and for how long will the dog be left alone?** * 4 days a week for 8 hours straight, since my partner does have an 8-4 job, and i have a regular 9-5, but we do have a holiday one day of the week, so yeah, weekends are also available of course. **If needed, could you hire a dog walker, pay for doggy day care, or come home during lunch to take care of your dog?** * Not really no, we would be able to come home during lunch as that's what we do anyway, as for the dog walker and all that, maybe sometimes? Definatly not all the time though. **What is the general location in which you live?** You can decline to answer, but responses will likely assume you’re somewhere in the US without breed-specific legislation (BSL). * We live in Portugal. **What is the average temperature of a typical summer day where you live? A typical winter day?** Please indicate Celsius or Fahrenheit and the climate of places you may likely live in the future. * Depends, but in the summer it seems to be around 20°C (68°F) to 30°C(86°F), but i've seen it get even higher like 50ºC, that was one time really. In the winter the average temperature would be around 8°C (46°F) to 16°C(61°F), but again i've seen it be a little lower. **On a scale of 1 to 10, how prepared are you to care for a dog and prioritize its well-being over your career, entertainment, or other life choices for the next 12 or more years?** * I can't say were 100% prepared, as I'm pretty sure we'd be considered begginner dog owners, but i'd say we are at least 7 out of 10 prepared, as far as knowledge and willing to prioritaze or doggo. **Are you aware of the costs associated with dog ownership on an average annual basis? Have you budgeted for additional emergency veterinary care and/or pet insuranc3?** * Absolutely, that's rookie level critical thinking, of course we're well aware of the costs, and are more than prepared for them, as we've been saving up for a couple years, and we both have relatively good pay, so we won't run out of coal so to say, as in, we have our savings for the doggo if an emergency were to happen that we for some reason couldn't budget with our salaries each month, but we'd say we'd be able to budget the salaries for the doggo. 

Some thoughts occurred to me about the members of Constellation and Unity. This is absolutely going to be filled with massive spoilers. Every member of Constellation plays an important role in the story and has interesting ramifications.
The members of Constellation, ignoring Vasco, include Matteo, Vladimir, Noel, Walter, and the four companions Sarah, Barrett, Sam, and Andreja. Bethesda has given us a deliberate cross-section of the Settled Systems population. You have the former Crimson Fleet pirate, the Akila scion, the Va'ruun agent, the former UC officer, the Freestar industrialist, the Universalist religious guy, the scientist, and the "rogue." Actually, let's not ignore Vasco. The role of AI in this game is VERY ominous in a lot of ways, so Vasco may someday have more of a role than just "companion without strong opinions or personality."
The non-companion members are pretty non-intrusive, though Walter does have a field mission. I suspect that if you're going to have a talent like Armin Shimerman, you want to give him something to work on. Every time I see the interaction between Walter and his wife Issa, I want to find somebody who thinks the writing in this game is bad and hit them with a water balloon filled with maple syrup. Going back to the end-game topic, though, Walter serves as a perfect example of the biggest practical drawback of going through the Unity. He doesn't want to jump because he is rich, and going through means you lose ALL your stuff. It's a pretty sound thing to have somebody call this out explicitly for the player so they don't jump and be like, "wait, where's my customized starship filled with loot?"
Noel and Matteo are interesting in terms of their role. They very much serve as the sounding boards for the scientific and spiritual aspects of the artifacts, temples, and the Unity. Neither of them want to jump because they still have things to do. At first, my impression of them was that they were pretty much pointless once you learn what's really going on with the Starborn. I've reconsidered that, because we very much know what is happening, but not how or why. Ultimately, Noel and Matteo may be the most sensible members of Constellation by knowing what they don't yet know and refusing to leap into the unknown just because an angelic or demonic space dude with super powers tells you to do so.
Vladimir is unfortunately the quest-giver of the group. He's key to sending you along to the artifacts and temples...and the fact that you have to keep going back to him is a common complaint because it gets a little tedious. His role as the quest-giver also tends to overshadow his background with the Crimson Fleet, which I think is a missed opportunity when you're working for SysDef and infiltrating them. Vladimir Sall is the perfect example of an interesting premise that for some reason has largely been relegated to just being one of the mechanics of the game. He has some interesting things to say and a house you can visit, but I can't help but see him as a missed opportunity.
Now we have the four human companions, and it's interesting to me that they divide neatly into two categories. You have Sarah and Barrett on one side and Sam and Andrea on the other. What do I mean by that?
Sarah and Barrett are the most engaged in the Starborn world. Barrett can actually get powers and the Emissary turns out to be a version of Sarah (I did say MAJOR spoilers, didn't I?). What's really interesting, though, is that both of their companion quests are about dealing with the past. Sarah is dealing with the aftermath of her fighting in the war, while Barrett is dealing with the loss of his husband. They're trying to get closure. They have things they need to finish up before going on their next big adventure. They're also both somewhat disconnected from others. Sarah isn't really close with her surviving parent and she doesn't want any of the other members of Constellation at her wedding. Barrett travels alone with a robot and has since the death of his husband. Even the combat in their companion quests involves fighting alien animals rather than other people (because fighting is a form of engagement). The two of them are pretty much setting themselves up to be ready to move on.
Sam and Andreja are in the opposite situation. Sam's companion mission is about dealing with his ex-wife and daughter. Andreja's is about her relationship with her people (and is blatantly left on a cliff-hanger for DLC). In both of their quests, you are fighting other people -- syndicate thugs or zealots -- because both of these characters are still actively involved in this universe. Sure, indications are that both will eventually jump (assuming they survive), but neither of them is ready to move on at this point. Their acceptance of you jumping even seems a little forced to me, like they're agreeing solely for reasons of plot.
What I wonder about is whether or not this dichotomy with the companions was deliberate. You have a male and a female who need closure and are ready to jump and you have another male and female who are very much still actively engaged in life in this universe. Was the idea to give players a romance option with the preferred gender and perspective combination?
I have a sneaking suspicion that a tremendous amount of effort went into crafting the members of Constellation. Even if you find them annoying, I would suggest playing at least a few universes straight with them and seeing what they have to say. It's great that Bethesda gives you the option to ignore them, but there is a lot built up around them and I have to wonder how the eventual "resolution" of the whole Starborn premise may play into what we learn in our first play-through.

• Waylon Fright is the leader of Wrath and third in command, outranked by Envy and Pride. He's an arms dealer that buys and sells firearms, but also offers assassins.
• There was some question to his leadership as, being a mercenary, he offers his services to any willing customer. That includes heaven and limbo buying and selling him weapons. Limbo may have put hits out on a couple of problem folks within, but there isn't any record of heaven ordering hits. Some speculate a cover up, but does Waylon care? Probably not.
When questioned by Pierce about his allegiance to hell, Waylon assured him that his loyalty lies with hell and any concerns Pierce has shall be answered with a background check. Waylon was right, but heaven denies ordering hits.
• He wasn't affected by the Piercing of Power, only requesting funds in exchange for territory.
And now onto Hemoria • Hemoria rose from private to general for her ambition and ruthlessness. She wasn't afraid to get dirty and do whatever it took to win a battle. She was only second in command to Waylon, amazing him and her superiors. When she was captured, one of heaven's generals cut off her arms. The logic behind this was she couldn't escape without them, dozens of locks that would require hands. Well, when you think about it, feet are similar to hands, they just pick up more dirt.
And thats how Hemoria escaped, granted, it was not easy, but she escaped and was hailed as an armless badass.
Waylon took note of this. He asked her all sorts of questions and she even got a little Intel as a souvenir. Eiichi was jealous, of course. But Pierce was thoroughly impressed and awarded her a medal that could be worn around the foot.
But, something that Greed, Gluttony, and Sloth all saw, were sparks between Waylon and Hemoria. This was the first time in god knows when, but it was hard to deny.
• These were the most peaceful times in hell, being a place where torture is commonplace. Anthony was gonna offer advice to Waylon, but stuck to organizing dinners, thank god. Greed ended up getting expensive gifts, and Sloth assured Waylon to play it cool man. Why Sloth and not Lust? Waylon did not see eye to eye with Lust in terms of women. (Shiloh did try offering drugs to calm Waylon, but they did jackshit.)
Hemoria wasn't totally sure at first of Waylon. Sure, she respected him as her boss, but his opportunistic perspective, (i,e doing arms dealings with heaven,) made her hesitate. He said he got good cash out of it, but Hemoria always advised to not deal with them too much, and if it's get dicey, to gtfo. But her concerns somewhat lied in Pierce, who took loyalty very seriously.
One of these deals went awry, leading to two demons dying and Waylon did not get the cash. Hemoria was the one who reported to Pierce and assured him that Waylon just wanted to make money and give Pierce's army more strength. He may still have questioned Waylon and did a background check, but it's a lot better than being fired, or worse, killed.
Waylon was eternally grateful to a very pissed off Hemoria, who told him not to deal weapons and cash with heaven again.
In short, she thought he was kinda dumb, and he thought she was kinda cool.
But even with his opportunistic goof, she still said yes when he asked her out, surprising herself. And the rest is history.
Waylon got her the silver prosthetic arms when they married. (She had a a pair made by Pierce but she didn't like them as much.)
Their wedding anniversary is a good sized celebration to this day.
All that's left is the leader of Lust, and when that's done, I'll shift the focus a little to world building.
I'll also make a relationship chart when I'm done.

I was considering going no-contact with my family minus a brother I’m close to 3 years ago and was almost out until my father died in a freak accident and I got roped back in. My sister has spent the last 30 years making my life a living hell and my parents never stuck up for me or protected me from her. My mother, now alone, is terrified of her. We had a shitty childhood and all have different survival tactics, but after going to therapy for four years now, I’ve gotten away from those and surround myself with happy, healthy, amazing, supportive people. In regard to family, I keep my distance when I can (living 3.5 hours away helps), but often am the one everyone turns to when shit goes sideways to fix everything, calm people down, figure out what to do next. I’m tired of it, especially now realizing no one does the same for me.
I recently got married and had a 40 person head count, with 38 yeses. After a bunch of random crap, 13 of my 20 invitees flaked 3 days to 2 hours before the party, all of which were very, very close family members including a brother and two of my BILs. Had I known this, with ample timing, I would have invited more friends who WOULD have shown, but due to family taking up so much of the headcount, I couldn’t extend invites to them all. I vented to my mother who said at least I have my sister coming, who I said was only invited since the others were and she has never been nice to me or my husband - which my mother agreed with and said was a self-centered survival thing. I said she should learn a little kindness which would get her far. She despises my husband, who is genuinely as nice as can be, even to a fault. Doesn’t have a bad bone in his body, god bless him. But he supports me and loves me and we do well off each other and thrive, which she doesn’t like. Other siblings have commented on the fact she treats him so poorly when he is nothing but so kind to her.
Come party, 2 hours in and she’s nowhere to be seen. We’re waiting around to cut cakes since her household consisted of 5 people and we didn’t want to have people randomly walk in on it and ruin the photographs, miss the momentous moment, etc. My brother gets in touch with her and relays the message that I’m a monster, I’m childish and horrible and never welcome her to anything and I’m irrelevant and no one likes me which is why everyone bailed on me and I should be embarrassed. The only person I said those things to was my mother (who couldn’t come to party due to health reasons). I spent a majority of my wedding party crying on a fire escape because I was so upset by her words, so upset that everyone bailed, and so upset I didn’t follow my gut inviting other friends who would have come over obligatory family invites. I blocked my sister and her friend who joined in on her meanness. She has taken to emailing and texting me under spoof emails and phone numbers. Calling me irrelevant, embarrassing, disgusting, ugly, childish, greedy, no one showed up because they don’t like me, never been liked, etc.
My mother has spoken to her, but hasn’t reached out to me since the party when I said I was hurt at what she shared in confidence and need to think about what I want from this family anymore. My mother swears she went through her phone and saw the messages, but other parts of her (mothers) story don’t align. My mother historically has victim mindset over everything and could do no wrong. I try to do nothing but support my mother but she can never ever see how she’s in the wrong - ever. For example, she put her electric bill under my name and SS and defaulted on it for years. When I called her out on it after the company started reaching out to me, she said it’s always been like this, I didn’t say anything years ago so what’s the difference now, she’s doing no wrong and if I want her to go without electric and ruin the family then by all means go ahead and shut it off if I want.
I’m hurt, I’m upset. My husband has been amazing, but he doesn’t have any family that we could lean on ever. I’m torn between going fully no contact between my siblings who enable my sister, my mother who is emotionally abusive and enables her and doesn’t protect the rest of us, and calling it a day. Or going no contact with siblings, low contact with my mother, and never returning until they get their shit together and go to therapy. I just don’t know what is best anymore since I know my mom will never stand up to her. Family is all I’ve ever really had outside a close knit group of 3 friends, so it’s hard to go from everything to nothing in the blink of an eye.
Ever since my dad died and my sister took over, I have felt like I don’t have a spot in the family anymore. My sisters best friend of 15 years has always wanted to be apart of our big family since she had a dysfunctional one herself, and joins us on family vacations, Christmas, every waking moment. She is just as bad as my sister, and my sister is her only friend so she bows down to her. Since dad died, it’s like my sister and her friend don’t want me in the family and want to give the bff my daughter spot and to ostracize me. All of this is making me spiral and spiral and spiral. I haven’t been this bad mentally in a really, REALLY long time and it’s triggering me a lot.
I feel like as a woman, I’m held to a different caliber than the others. My brothers could do whatever they damn well please, and they do, and everyone turns a blind eye. With my sister being the oldest, she gets the same treatment. I am overwhelmed with what this family puts me through. My husband doesn’t have any family anymore for us to lean on, spend holidays with, etc. How do you move on? How do you find peace? How do you be okay with the fact nothing will ever change in this dynamic so it’s all or nothing?
FWIW - have an amazing therapist, amazing support group. Am ok, just sad and upset.

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/evastraea posting in AmItheAsshole
Concluded as per OOP
2 updates - Long
Original - 21st June 2022
Update1 - 27th June 2022
Comment from OOP - 27th June 2022
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AITA for not giving my adopted daughter a stuffed animal for her high school graduation, when both of my biological children got one?
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I [49f] have 3 children, [22f], [19m], and [18f]. My oldest are my biological children from a previous marriage, and my youngest I became a mother to at the age of 2 when I married her widowed father. She has only ever called me mom, and I officially adopted her at the age of 12.
Now on to the issue with the stuffed animals: years and years ago, when I was only 20 and in college, I worked at a children's museum. I adored the job and working with kids, and had the idea to buy stuffed animals from the gift shop to be my future-kids' first stuffed animals whenever they were born. I had gotten a stuffed bear at birth that was very special to me growing up, and on my 18th birthday my parents gifted me a duplicate they had bought way back when and kept for me all these years. I found this so special, and wanted to do something similar, so I bought 6 stuffed animals from the museum's gift shop; 3 to be given at birth, and 3 duplicates. I had no idea at the time how many kids I would have, but I knew I wasn't planning on having more than 3, so I didn't get any more.
My first daughter received the stuffed animal I selected for her while pregnant. Then, between her birth and the birth of my son, I miscarried. The experience was deeply traumatic for me, especially as I miscarried in my second trimester, and I buried my baby with the stuffed animal they would have gotten. I kept the duplicate to for comfort, to cuddle and hold.
Finally, my son was born and received the last of the stuffed animals I had set aside so many years ago. Now, here's where I may be the asshole. For both my daughter and son's high school graduations, I surprised them with the duplicates, for them to take to college with them and compare against the stuffies they've been loving on their whole lives. Both were very moved by this, and took both (original and duplicate) to school with them.
My youngest, however, never received a stuffed animal, and so when her graduation celebration rolled along I had no duplicate to gift her. I watched her unpack all her gifts, and her face fall when she got to the last one and realized. She didn't really say anything, just got this super sad look on her face, and excused herself to her room. I followed to ask what was wrong, but she said she didn't want to talk to me, so her father went in instead.
According to him she cried to him that she didn't feel as loved by me as her siblings, and as much a part of the family - the unwrapping of her siblings' stuffed animals were very emotional events, and she had had the expectation she'd be getting the same. In hindsight I could have easily done something similar for her whenever I first came into her life, even if it wouldn't have been from the museum, but I just didn't think of it. She has been cold to me this entire last week, and I feel so terrible, I've offered to take her out to a special dinner the two of us to make amends but she turned me down. AITA?
Edit: the votes are in, and I am definitively TA. Many of you are suggesting that I get her a stuffie that reminds me of her, or maybe to get her two so she can continue the tradition with her future kids. But I think what I will do is gift her the duplicate my parents gifted me of my special plush bear I received at birth, which is one of my most treasured possessions, and deeply meaningful to me. Thank you all for the advice, it is genuinely appreciated.
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Comments
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Mrs-Addams
YTA. Nothing quite says “you’re not like my other kids” like leaving her out of a family tradition when her turn came. I’m sorry about the loss of your baby and understand why you kept that stuffed animal for your own, however, the tradition could have started with her when she joined your family at age 2, or when you formally adopted her.
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SmartassMouth89
YTA your kids grew up together and for years you never once thought to go and buy two stuffed animals for your adoptive daughter?
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QueenKeisha
Right? In 16 years, and after giving 2 other bears away, she didn’t once think, hey what about youngest?
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SmartassMouth89
Right? She liked the daughters dad enough to marry him but didn’t think that it would be a good idea to give the two year old a stuffie at the wedding?
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Update - 6 days later
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Long story short: my daughter found my reddit post, and came to me in tears apologizing for her reaction. This was NOT my expectation, and I assured her she had nothing to apologize for, as I had been in the wrong. We had a long discussion about the situation, our feelings, and how to move forward from this, and although I know she is still hurt we are on our way to making amends.
Long story long: so what even happened? As I've now discovered, my daughter loves browsing AITA. She stumbled on my post, and after reading it in it's entirety, as well as a good chunk of the comments (all of mine, and many left by other redditors) she came to me in tears apologizing for her reaction.
She sobbed in my arms that she didn't want this to be the end of our relationship, and that she was sorry, and wanted to enjoy this last summer together. I held her and assured her she had nothing to apologize for, and apologized myself (I did shed a little tear, but tried to keep my emotions in check as I did not want the burden of comforting me to be on her).
What followed was a productive but incredibly emotionally vulnerable conversation, the details of which I will not disclose entirely. She has been going through a rough time, and my impression (I could be wrong) is that the lack of a stuffie at graduation was a catalyst for bigger emotions. She did take me up on my offer to take her to dinner, and I've now booked a reservation at a nice restaurant she has been wanting to go to for a while.
And last night we cooked her favorite dinner together, which gave us an opportunity to smooth things over somewhat. We have not yet broached the subject of me intending to gift her my own plush, except for very briefly (she insisted I didn't have to, and seemed to feel a lot of guilt), but I still plan to. I just feel it would be best to wait until things have cooled down.
And if she truly doesn't feel comfortable taking it, I plan on getting a bear of a similar look to be its "little brother" for her to take care of. That's the update, obviously things have not magically mended overnight, but we are finally on-track to a resolution. Many thanks to all that left advice, and please check the comments below for clarification on many questions asked before passing any judgements (I far exceeded the allowed word limit, and have instead pasted much of what I intended to say here below).
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Comments
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aroundincircles
Read your first post and this one, and I feel it from both sides. My wife and I recently adopted a bio niece (13 yo this week) and she welcomes us as dad and mom, but we've run into a number of times where the kids will pull out something from a trip we went on, or an activity we did, etc years before she was ever in our lives, and she'll go "why don't you have one of those for me"? It's really hard, some of these things are simply impossible for us to get, and/or would cost us thousands of dollars (when We already spent 30+k on custody/adoption lawyers and court fees).
She also didn't even bring anything with her when we picked her up, she wasn't even allowed to bring a change of underwear. It's been something that we've had to deal with in counselling that her life with us didn't start till she was almost 12, and we have to begin fresh from there, we cannot turn back the clock and give her back an entire childhood she missed. Like when we went camping for the first time with her, and we were getting things out to visually see what we needed to get from the store and we pulled out the kid's sleeping bags, and she was like "where is mine", and the fact that we didn't already have one hurt her.
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Glum_Hamster_1076
And that doesn’t make you an ahole. I hope no one will call you one. Situations change and you’re not always able to “make up for it”. OP didn’t do this to hurt her daughter and it’s weird people are painting it that way. I hope things are going well with you all in therapy and your family is making great strides together.
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Comment from OOP
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When I initially posted to AITA, I was prepared to face judgment, and open to constructive criticism. However, while I did receive many constructive comments, which I truly appreciate, I received many more that were hateful and unconstructive, and I will admit, I did get defensive. But the attitude I took on in the comments is not one I brought into my interactions with my daughter; please understand that I did not throw in her face all the kind things I feel I've done for her over the years, but was rather attempting to contextualize our relationship for strangers who've never met us.
And before passing any further judgment in the comments, please check below for answers to a lot of the questions asked in the original thread. To answer a few questions: why did I not adopt her until 10 years after I came into her life? Because I never sought to force myself on her as her mother, and waited until she could give me explicit consent to adopt her. Why did I never buy her any stuffed animals? I did. I bought her many when I first met her, as well as one for her official adoption day, and every adoption day celebration since.
And I did technically gift her a stuffed animal for her graduation, too, it was just a plush of her college's mascot rather than a duplicate of a treasured plush from her childhood. So why did I not buy her a duplicate at any point over the last 16 years? I did not think to until my oldest graduated and received hers, by which point I (mistakenly) felt the significance would be lost. Both my bio kids received stuffies saved for them for decades, whereas she would have received one saved for only four years. Instead I tried to honor her in other ways, such as (as I described in the comments) crafting her a cookbook of generational family recipes that I illustrated by hand, because she is her own individual.
Truthfully, while I understand the sentiments expressed in the comments, I don't believe recognizing differences is inherently a bad thing. The duplicate stuffies my bio kids received were duplicates of the very first stuffies to ever be in their crib with them. Their receival of them was a birth event, and I did not give birth to my youngest. But that does not mean I love her any less, or that she is any less my daughter.
We have established our own traditions honoring her entry into my life, such as our celebration of her adoption day, and while I realize I could have handled the stuffie situation better, I do believe it was an honest mistake. But how could I not include her in a treasured family tradition, knowing how important it is (especially as an adopted child) to feel a part of the family? Because I truly did not realize this one specific tradition meant as much to her as it did.
I have strived to include her in as many family traditions as possible throughout the years. As I mentioned in the comments, she speaks German because I taught and spoke it to her growing up, even though her father does not. We celebrate German traditions, such as baking countless batches of German Christmas cookies together every year (just the two of us, neither of her siblings have any interest in baking), which is something I grew up doing with my mom, and every year it is quality time I deeply treasure.
For her 16th birthday I gifted her the locket my mother gifted me on my 16th, which she'd been gifted by my grandmother before me - this actually upset my eldest daughter, who had not received such a hand-me-down, and this is just to name a few. So given the fact that she has on occasion received and taken part in traditions my other kids have been excluded from, I did not think the stuffie would carry as much weight as it ultimately did. But isn't her reaction an indication that there are larger issues at play, and that she has likely felt this way for a while? Perhaps.
I am not a perfect adoptive mother, and have never claimed to be. And I can not see inside her brain, so I cannot know her true feelings. But my sense - and I may be wrong! - is that the larger issues at play relate back to her bio mom, which is something she expressed to me in our conversation. I did not disclose this in my original post, because I did not believe it to be relevant, and it is also a painful topic within our family, but her bio mom committed suicide whilst in the thick of post-partum depression. This has obviously impacted my daughter, who has been in and out of therapy for years grappling with feelings of loss, and guilt.
She is highly sensitive to feeling isolated within our family unit, which is something I should have taken into account in this situation, and I own that. I realize this is a huge hunk of text, but given the visceral reaction many had, I felt it was important to cover my bases. Come to whatever conclusions you all like, I will likely not be checking the comments for my own mental health, and the wellbeing of my family. To all who left genuine advice, even if that meant calling me an asshole, I truly do appreciate you. And to all who said hateful things, especially in regard to the loss of my baby, please consider the impact your words may have moving forward
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Comments
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Rice-Correct
You’re a good mom. It might’ve been a mistake not to gift her the plush, and it might, as you said, just have been indicative of some larger big emotions going on, as graduating is a HUGE milestone and going to college is an enormous life change that is very rewarding and exciting, but also stressful. But it sounds like you’ve been amazing about creating beautiful memories and experiences together! I think at some point, the plush will be a distant memory. From your post, it seems pretty clear you DO have a good relationship, and you’re a caring, empathetic parent. ENJOY your summer together, Mama!
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sharraleigh
Don't take the hateful comments personally; it's easy to be cruel online to a faceless stranger. Also, your original post didn't include all this info (it would've been impossible to anyway), and therefore lacked a lot of the back story and nuance that frankly, a real person's life experience encompasses. Your daughter probably saw your post and realized how her reaction hurt your feelings and read the hateful comments and felt bad for you. It sounds like you have a great relationship and you're lucky to have each other in your lives!
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I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

I have been with my husband for almost 7 years, married for 3. We have 2 young toddlers (we chose the 2 under 2 life), and this definitely plays a huge role in our situation. I love him so much, he's so kind and genuine, but we have a lot going on and it's honestly overwhelming.
TLDR: I feel extremely unfulfilled in my marriage and am worried we are better off divorced. We have no sexual chemistry, no intimacy or passion, I basically have to mother him into doing anything around the house and have to hold his hand when he has hard conversations with his parents. He's a great dad to our kids, but he isn't a great husband to me and I'm worried we're headed to a divorce.
Before we got married, we had so much fun together. We went on so many dates and were always out and about doing something fun and exciting. We were very much attracted to each other, but the sex was never that great. I was very experienced and had a lot of sexual partners in my college years, and he could probably count his on one hand. I always thought it was a work in progress and was willing to continue on with him because I cared for him in so many other ways than just being sexually compatible that I found it refreshing. I had never been with anyone where I didn't care about how our sex was because they were so great as a person.
It didn't take long for me to notice he never went down on me. He did it once and his eyes were so red and I was so embarrassed but moved on. The second time, same thing! And yes, I care a ton about my hygiene so I know it's not that. I confronted him about it and he told me he just didn't know how to do it really and isn't good at it and told me he would do some research (which he never did). One day we were talking oral sex and how I loved going down on him but didn't think he did to me, and that I wanted him to WANT to do it and that I want him to learn to love my downstairs. He said "well I don't have to LOVE it", and I sincerely feel like that was foreshadowing into our entire relationship because those were the only 2 times he has ever done it.
Our sex life is pretty lame. We probably had sex once a month before getting married, and now it's basically 2-3 times a year it seems like. I've always been unfulfilled with how often this happens and doing it this infrequent makes it really hard to get in the groove. So each time we do have sex, it's pretty rocky and awkward, and while I usually am pretty confident in the bedroom I am absolutely self conscious and worried about how he liked it or how it went for him. I know we lack that passion and sexual chemistry, and this has always bothered me, but I always thought we could create that as time went on (still thinking the inexperience played a factor here).
Right before we get married we move in with his parents for several months while our house was being build which ended up being the worst decision. I discovered how much my MIL gossips, how opinionated my MIL and FIL were and it created a lot of issues with my husband and I. I'd hear my MIL talking badly about other family members or saying something really strange to me and would bring it up to him and he always gave her the benefit of the doubt saying she means well, or that he knows she'd never mean something in a certain way, etc. We ended up having major trust issues with them and needing to take lots of breaks from them when we got pregnant with our first (and had moved into our house), which lead to even more trust issues when our first was born. They were extremely defensive with each and every boundary/ask/rule/etc regarding our LO we'd bring up and there was always something negative with every interaction I would have with them. It was so exhausting, and my husband would always give them the benefit of the doubt. It really weighed on me as time went on and this continued. I realized that his gut reaction was always to prioritize his parents comfort over mine, whether that meant talking to them in a certain way so they wouldn't have a reaction, not say anything at all, or contort what they were saying in order to make it seem less bad. This went on through my second pregnancy as well.
I basically had to teach him how to have boundaries with his parents. We would have so many damn conversations about it and it was a lot of hand holding which I was understanding with. It was a lengthy process and we're getting to a better point with that aspect, as in, he can kind of hold his own and stand up for our family, but the amount of resentment I have towards him for feeling so isolated all the time over the years is crazy.
In addition to this, I basically mother him at home and I hate it. He can't do anything without being told! He doesn't help out around the house unless I make him or ask him 100 times, he does 0 deep cleaning or projects. I feel like the man of the house. It has gotten to the point where I have to clean the entire house every single day, and before doing so I get so mad at him for his lack of assistance with it when he's at home. I am a SAHM now and recognize this as my "job" while he is at work, and then we share responsibilities when he gets home - or at least we agree that this is how it should be.
Back to our relationship and lack of intimacy; I know that after having kids things can really take a turn for the worse but I am really struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel and am worried that HE married the wrong woman. I've always understood men to do anything for someone they like/love and I just don't feel it from him. He doesn't compliment me ever, he doesn't take any pictures of me which hurts considering I have 500,000 of him and the kids on my phone. When I confront him about basically nagging him and his lack of initiation or effort for literally any type of intimacy, it's always that he doesn't know why he's like that and that he wants to change and that he promises he'll make more efforts but never does. It's like he manipulates me by saying he wants to change and he wants the same things I do, but then does nothing. Just like how he did absolutely no research on oral sex/sex in general before getting married.
Now that I'm 1 year postpartum with my second and finally starting to feel more like myself and look like myself, he's still the same. It's making me feel like things will never change and I'm starting to wonder if I'll be able to survive in a basically sexless/loveless marriage in which I have to continue mothering my husband. I just feel like a bunch of nothing in this relationship. I don't feel beautiful, I don't feel respected, and i think I might feel contempt towards him.
He is very understanding when we talk about everything and empathetic and wanting to change (manipulative is how it feels though because of the amount of empty promises), and I'm worried. He doesn't want a divorce, but that has been on the table for the last few months and still no change from him. Do I continue down this path of hoping he will finally change this time or move on? Ultimately, a happy mother is the best thing I can give my kids so divorce isn't off the table in that regard, but it's such a hard decision.
Our relationship has been so complex so it's been kind of hard to sum it all up, but I'm hoping for some advice on whether we can save this marriage. That would be extremely appreciate! Or even similar stories would be helpful! He has been reluctant to go to couples therapy with me or even himself until now, but I worry it's too late at this point.

My wedding is childfree, but with an exception for nursing babies. However, it turns out both my MOH (sister) and one of my bridesmaids are pregnant and due around the time of my wedding. Both are due about a month and a half before my wedding. My wedding is at an inn about two hours away from home, and the festivities would start the day before with the rehearsal. The venue does not allow children under 14 (exception for nursing babies) and my bridesmaid has another child who will be 4 at the time of the wedding, so she already knew she'd have to find childcare for him.
I'm looking for advice on how to work this. They, obviously, are supposed to be standing at the ceremony with me & need to be at the rehearsal. I do not have kids of my own, so I'm not super familiar with the needs of infants.
I've gotten a lot of conflicting advice from family. Some are telling me the babies can stay home with a babysitter and they can pump ahead of time/use formula. Some are saying that both of them should drop from my party because it'll be too much. Some are saying that the dad's can sit with the babies at the ceremony and take them out if they start to fuss. However, one of the dads is also in the wedding party (groomsman) so it would be a little tricky. I've also thought about finding childcare to be on-site (the venue ok'd this) so they'd be close to the babies, but able to participate fully.
I know that having a newborn is stressful enough, so I don't want to make an unreasonable ask of either of them. I'm treading delicately as I know that my wedding is important to both of them and they may not speak up if an idea doesn't work well for them. I also want them to have fun at the wedding.
Looking for outside advice/perspective, especially from parents.
Thanks in advance!
Edit to add: I should have also noted in my post. They had spoken to me when I first asked them to be bridesmaids and let me know that they might start trying for babies.
They basically told me they'd be there 'no matter what'. I did tell them that it would be ok if they needed to step back/not attend, but so far they have insisted they will be there. That's why I am looking for options in the event that they do both attend. My sister (MOH) in particular has been very against any insinuation that she won't be there.
If they don't attend, there will be no hard feelings. It will be sad for everyone, but my wedding isn't life or death and we will celebrate with them some other way.

Hello I am a 35 years woman who have had quite a lot of experiences so far. I was someone( around my 20s) who used to be quite straightforward blunt and did things without giving much thoughts/impulsive. At that time i didnot want to live my life without regrets in later stage of my life ( ironically i am now)
1st relationship -20years I broke up with a guy because i started to have feelings for another guy who ended up being quite toxic for me. So instead at that time of pausing and reflecting on this whether i am right or wrong, i decided to be honest with people around me and i broke up with the person and went with the toxic person.
2nd relationship 25 years Later we broke up with that toxic person ( he cheated and hurt me a lot) and was with another person at the age of 25. We dated three years until i moved to another country again from my impulsive nature. We really tried long distance but later realised that he didnot want to come join me and vice versa. I believe we loved each other but neither of us wanted to do the country shift ( him immigrating and me going back to my country). Other than that he was a perfect guy who was willing to give me everything if i moved back and we get married. Those 3 years were hard and i decided to end things as we were kind of dragging each other into you come back - no you come join me etc. Soon after I met my now husband.
3rd relationship- wedding 31 years He is a rather good guy and I do love him. I am also someone who tries to be more paused now especially with people’s feelings. I often find myself overthinking and having regrets like what if i had went back home ( this happens whenever my husband does something wrong- as everyone- he has his flaws ). I also overthinks at how i did mistakes when i was young and made wrong choices and i kind of feel unclean/bad person. We are both together because we have our fair share of baggage but it seems i can no longer carry mine and thus his baggage sometimes also burdens me.
On top of my relationships i also had a lot of friends in my 20s. I currently have only 3-4 good friends. I feel that I have hurt some of my friends along the way thats why the friendship faded away ( e.g not telling them i moved to another country) but also due to toxic friendship ( e.g unfriending/blocking a friend who i heard spoke behind my back , was rude to me, flirting with me- there was a boy who was flirting with me despite having his girlfriend. At the end of the day they got married and i was the one who was put in a bad light. ( i was single at that time and he was simply double timing us so i told his girlfriend the truth when i came to know that this guy is not a good person but ended up being the bad person so i blocked everyone who was connected to this situation not to think of it anymore - i was more in a state of okay i will close the doors to people who are unkind to me mainly as a defense mechanism i would say)
I am completely lost in my mind right now and want to know if i am having a mid life crisis or i am simply overthinking? I am having lots of flashbacks of my past love/friends relationships ( regrets anxiety bad good less friends did i do right/wrong) which i know is not healthy for myself. How should i move on? Also the fact that i am away from my parents/ family ( another country) is not helping me.
Sorry for the long message but i needed to take all of it out of my head. :(

Introduction
Spiral diaries are simple nature walks/sits with journaling, and are useful for both beginners and experienced who are looking to (re)connect with natural cycles. I didn't invent this; I'm sure it goes by many other names. I call it "spiralling" since you should ideally do it for two years. The spiral dance moves us both forward and around; we're never static creatures. It's important to look back and understand how you've changed when you've returned to the same spot on the wheel this time next year. You're not the same person today that you were this time last year, or yesterday, nor will you be years from now. You're finding out who you might be now, connecting to a state of constant metamorphosis, as the seasons transform the Earth, the ecosystems within it, and ourselves.
Materials
You only need a couple of notebooks, and writing or drawing tools. If you're more digital, you can keep an e-journal on a phone or a tablet.
Dress appropriately. If the weather is particularly violent you can stay indoors by a window or on a porch/balcony, but the goal is to get outside as much as possible, even and especially in yucky weather that we'd prefer to avoid for personal comfort! Enjoy the sun responsibly, be spattered by rain, covered in snow, blown by wind! Stay hydrated as needed. If mobility is an issue, choose an open window or a backyard space with a pleasing view.
Walk or Sit - 5-60 minutes/day
At least five minutes a day, but usually no more than an hour because it can be draining. 15-30 happens to be my best window and still feeling energetic. Go for a walk or sit in the fresh air, even in yucky weather. If you have a favourite spot where you can go to observe the impact of changing seasons over the year, use it. You could time your outings by sunrise or sunset, visibility of the moon, etc. But don't feel restricted; go when convenient. You can experiment with varying times and see how your observations differ.
Urbanites remember that it isn't harder for us to find our space. "Nature" is more than trees and brooks. It's the sky above us and the ground below us, even if the sky is pierced by skyscrapers or the ground paved with asphalt. You may also have the advantage of rooftop patios very high up.
Observations & Recording
Close or open your eyes, open your ears, be silent, observe and listen. What do you see/hear in the sky, in the trees, in the grass, in animals? What is Nature saying to you at that moment? How does it impact your mood from before you started? How might it apply to your day? If you happen to be travelling to another part of the world, how do differing weather patterns and surroundings impact "home base thinking" at this time of year?
Record messages you receive. It can be as simple or as elaborate as you like: one word, one sentence, a small drawing, a short or long paragraph. You can purposely change up your style as your mood suits you. Be flexible, be creative, never get bored!
Date every entry. You can use the upper half of the pages of a notebook for one year, then the next year in the lower half. Or use every other page for Year 1 and the facing pages Year 2.
Year 2 Entries
The Year 2 entry can combine what you're experiencing that day with reflection on the corresponding Year 1 entry. See how you've grown, what has changed, how the pairs of entries are alike or different, etc. You may be surprised.
If you feel inspired, keep going for longer! And don't kick yourself if you miss days or don't feel like going every day; nobody's evaluating your work. Do as much as you feel is useful; Nature will still be there at every opportunity. The goal is to center Nature in your thoughts and direct experience as much as possible.

TL;DR I (14F) don't know what to do about my friend/classmate (15M) who has love-hate (this is kind of an exaggeration) feelings for me.
We're in the same class and graduating 8th grade in less than a month and I'm asking for help because I don't want to be the villain in his life. I'm always stressed about hurting people and I only ever tried to be kind and honest, but I was stupid and I messed up this time. I don't want him to remember me as the exact thing I am not. I hate conflict and being mean. I would rather compromise than hurt somebody's feelings, but now I am just at loss.
We started talking more in October and then got pretty close in November and December. We'll call him D. We went out mid December at the mall to buy a book for school and I ended up buying Christmas presents. He helped me pick stuff for all of my friends and then we ate. It was very much a date-like hangout and we even walked arm in arm to the bus stop at the mall. He also walked me from the bus stop to my front door.
Fast forward to a day before our school's Christmas event. I told my friends that I kind of liked him and they convinced me to tell him. I told him and we texted some more at home then we agreed to talk the next day after the event. That evening I thought about it all and I realized that I wasn't ready for a relationship. I am 14 after all and I have the most important exam of my life so far at the end of the school year (this is just the schooling system in my country). The next day I avoided him and then at home I explained everything through text because I was too anxious to do it face-to-face. I was a wimp and I wish I had the guts to actually talk to him. I apologized countless times. I felt horrible and I can't even imagine how it was for him. I still kinda hate myself for it, but at the time I believed it was for the best.
I thought about the whole ordeal and it made me realize I might have attachment issues. I'm so obsessed with being loved (I grew up very lonely) that I feel a certain level of romantic attraction towards anyone who gives me a little more attention (especially men which I know is terrible). I also don't mean this as an excuse, but rather as an explanation to why I acted the way I did. I liked how D made me feel about myself, not actually him (this is horrible, I know). After I explained everything I felt he was cool about it and I actually thought that maybe things were okay. I told him i wasn't going out until after New Year's because I was very busy with family (I wasn't avoiding him purposely I was actually busy) yet for about a week straight he asked me 2 times every day where I was which was kinda weird and made me not want to go out at all even after New Year's.
Fast forward to this March when a common acquaintance of ours (not in our class) talked to D because he'd heard from a friend of his that D still liked me. D told this acquaintance that he does indeed still like me, that I look good and that he likes my big breasts (he said this in a much less respectful way). I was shocked because I couldn't fathom D still liking me after I'd been a total witch to him. We'd been ignoring each other mostly ever since December and even though we agreed to stay friends and I was very confused.
A few days later I was talking to a good friend of mine, D's deskmate, and mentioned the acquaintance who told me D still liked me. I just repeated something funny he said. I didn't say anything about D because he was right there, but D got mad (he probably found out I knew stuff) and broke a pencil. I'd seen that he had problems with anger and jealousy (he used to read my texts to my online friend on the other side of the world who is also a guy and got upset when I'd say they're personal and we weren't even together), but I didn't think it was that bad.
My friend (we'll call her R) told me she found out from another friend in our group that I was driving D crazy with telling his deskmate (a very close friend of mine) about stuff like weird fanfiction about my favourite singer (Gerard Way) and my variety of dirty jokes. From what R understood, he didn't like me speaking about sexual stuff (I haven't done anything like that, it's just an interesting topic to me) around him. I didn't understand why it would bother him, but apparently it did. Maybe jealousy? I don't know.
Nothing much happened until this Saturday when our whole class was taking album photos. The basic and typically "popular" girl in our class invited my group (the 7 emo girls basically) alongside her group (her another 3 people) to the new Japanese restaurant in town. We get along fine with them, though they kinda gossip about us sometimes, so we gladly agreed to eat with them. A girl in our group (whom D liked last year; she was much harsher in rejecting him - she blocked him on all platforms) is a tad bit closer to the popular girl, so the two of them made the reservation for 11 people at the restaurant.
During the shoot, D and another classmate that we're not very close friends with (they're chill, we just don't talk all that much) overheard our sushi plans and asked me if we were going. I said yes and tried to kindly say that we have a reservation already for 11 people and that they can tag along, but sit at another table. I felt bad because I've been excluded countless times in social situations in my life and I didn't want them to feel that. Their parents who were also there questioned me and I was too ashamed to lie, so I said that yes, we had a reservation. D and the other person didn't come in the end.
That evening I texted D apologizing and explaining that I was just invited and that I wasn't the one making the reservation. He said that it's okay and not my fault and he said that the other person was also not mad at me. He asked me why i was so obsessed with apologizing and I made a sharp remark I didn't think through about being annoyed at my friends' insensitivity about excluding them. He asked me why I was telling him all that and I told him to forget it. He encouraged me to continue and just speak my mind. I said no and told him I only had a question. I asked "do you still like me?" and I proceeded to explain why that would be impossible. He said I was changing the subject and I didn't realize that he was the one doing it in reality. He told me again to just speak and that nobody else will know whatever I tell him. I refused, but he somehow convinced me and I made a small confession about being lonely and feeling like only 3 people truly like me. It wasn't as personal as it may seem because I have much deeper feelings I have never told anyone, but I was still shocked that he somehow made me spit out things it takes a lot of hard work to get me to say as I am a very introverted and closed off person. For some context I was literally shaking and hyperventilating from anxiety throughout the whole conversation. I asked him again if he still liked me and he responded in the morning, completely ignoring the question and asking about a math test we recently took.
Yesterday evening, on Sunday, I talked to another classmate and friend (again not very close, but he's nice) whom I'll call L. L told me D had sent the group chat with the other person who I apologized to for the sushi thing, L and another classmate (I presume) screenshots of our whole conversation (even though he promised he'd keep his mouth shut). L sent me a screenshot of D saying I played him before and after I rejected him and said I manipulated him and only pretended to be interested in the things he liked just to get close to him (for the record, I'm a big listener, I love hearing my friends talk about their passions and interests). He also said he hated me. I was shocked and very upset because while telling me everything is alright and that the mess in my mind will get better, he was talking nonsense about me to others and sharing private information.
I told my friends about all of this. R said it's all my fault and that I did give him false hopes even after I rejected him and that I give him too much importance. She basically said I'm a bad person because I told D I wasn't ready to date anybody after saying I liked him. She probably believes I did it for kicks, just like D thinks, but I swear on everything I have that I'm just very dumb and I have no idea how to navigate human relations. I'm a massive people pleaser and it shows. Two friends said that it is what it is and another four said that it is totally not my fault and that I did not give him false hopes after I rejected him and that I barely even acknowledged him during that time (I also think so, but R said I kept flirting with him - I ignored him completely and he ignored me just the same so I am very confused as to what she deems "flirting"). They said I communicated clearly that it's not him, but rather a personal issue and that I am very sorry and I will respect his decision if he doesn't want us to talk or be friends at all anymore. I am in a dilemma.
I feel like a bad bad bad person for what I did and how I acted and I have no idea if R is right and that I did keep giving him false hopes or if all of my other friends are right and it's not my fault. I never thought that my behavior (existing in his perimeter) would be considered as flirting, but apparently R thinks otherwise. In R's opinion sending him two TikToks in 3 months and talking to him 3 maybe 4 times through text and another two face-to-face from December to now was too much attention.
So, am I a horrible person who deserves unhappiness or is D just overreacting and being manipulative and toxic? Please help this is really messing with my mind.

I suspect my sister is narcissistic with enabling parents. I was considering going no-contact with my family minus a brother I’m close to 3 years ago and was almost out until my father died in a freak accident and I got roped back in. My sister has spent the last 30 years making my life a living hell and my parents never stuck up for me or protected me from her. My mother, now alone, is terrified of her. We had a shitty childhood and all have different survival tactics, but after going to therapy for four years now, I’ve gotten away from those and surround myself with happy, healthy, amazing, supportive people. In regard to family, I keep my distance when I can (living 3.5 hours away helps), but often am the one everyone turns to when shit goes sideways to fix everything, calm people down, figure out what to do next. I’m tired of it, especially now realizing no one does the same for me.
I recently got married and had a 40 person head count, with 38 yeses. After a bunch of random crap, 13 of my 20 invitees flaked 3 days to 2 hours before the party, all of which were very, very close family members including a brother and two of my BILs. Had I known this, with ample timing, I would have invited more friends who WOULD have shown, but due to family taking up so much of the headcount, I couldn’t extend invites to them all. I vented to my mother who said at least I have my sister coming, who I said was only invited since the others were and she has never been nice to me or my husband - which my mother agreed with and said was a self-centered survival thing. I said she should learn a little kindness which would get her far. She despises my husband, who is genuinely as nice as can be, even to a fault. Doesn’t have a bad bone in his body, god bless him. But he supports me and loves me and we do well off each other and thrive, which she doesn’t like. Other siblings have commented on the fact she treats him so poorly when he is nothing but so kind to her.
Come party, 2 hours in and she’s nowhere to be seen. We’re waiting around to cut cakes since her household consisted of 5 people and we didn’t want to have people randomly walk in on it and ruin the photographs, miss the momentous moment, etc. My brother gets in touch with her and relays the message that I’m a monster, I’m childish and horrible and never welcome her to anything and I’m irrelevant and no one likes me which is why everyone bailed on me and I should be embarrassed. The only person I said those things to was my mother (who couldn’t come to party due to health reasons). I spent a majority of my wedding party crying on a fire escape because I was so upset by her words, so upset that everyone bailed, and so upset I didn’t follow my gut inviting other friends who would have come over obligatory family invites. I blocked my sister and her friend who joined in on her meanness. She has taken to emailing and texting me under spoof emails and phone numbers. Calling me irrelevant, embarrassing, disgusting, ugly, childish, greedy, no one showed up because they don’t like me, never been liked, etc.
My mother has spoken to her, but hasn’t reached out to me since the party when I said I was hurt at what she shared in confidence and need to think about what I want from this family anymore. My mother swears she went through her phone and saw the messages, but other parts of her (mothers) story don’t align. My mother historically has victim mindset over everything and could do no wrong.
I’m hurt, I’m upset. My husband has been amazing, but he doesn’t have any family that we could lean on ever. I’m torn between going fully no contact between my siblings who enable my sister, my mother who is emotionally abusive and enables her and doesn’t protect the rest of us, and calling it a day. Or going no contact with siblings, low contact with my mother, and never returning until they get their shit together and go to therapy. I just don’t know what is best anymore since I know my mom will never stand up to her. Family is all I’ve ever really had outside a close knit group of 3 friends, so it’s hard to go from everything to nothing in the blink of an eye.
Ever since my dad died and my sister took over, I have felt like I don’t have a spot in the family anymore. My sisters best friend of 15 years has always wanted to be apart of our big family since she had a dysfunctional one herself, and joins us on family vacations, Christmas, every waking moment. She is just as bad as my sister, and my sister is her only friend so she bows down to her. Since dad died, it’s like my sister and her friend don’t want me in the family and want to give the bff my daughter spot and to ostracize me. All of this is making me spiral and spiral and spiral. I haven’t been this bad mentally in a really, REALLY long time and it’s triggering me a lot.
I feel like as a woman, I’m held to a different caliber than the others. My brothers could do whatever they damn well please, and they do, and everyone turns a blind eye. With my sister being the oldest, she gets the same treatment. I am overwhelmed with what this family puts me through. My husband doesn’t have any family anymore for us to lean on, spend holidays with, etc. How do you move on? How do you find peace? How do you be okay with the fact nothing will ever change in this dynamic so it’s all or nothing?
FWIW - have an amazing therapist, amazing support group. Am ok, just sad and upset.

I (24F) am having issues with my friend group over the man (31M) that I picked. I’ll have to provide the long background story for context.
My friend group consists of several individuals. The specific few I will talk about I will refer to as “J” “M” and “A.” They are all (24F). J and M are a couple. These girls seem to have the strongest opinion about the ordeal. I met my friends in middle/high school. We didn’t become close until our college years. I love these people and we’ve gone on many trips and shared many experiences together.
In early 2023, I was asked out by a guy who frequented my place of work. He had apparently noticed me for some time. It is quite rare for me to “date,” but something about him gave me the sense I could trust him. He gave off good vibes overall. We went on a date a few days later and discovered we have everything in common. EVERYTHING. From our morals, values, hobbies, childhood upbringing, family dilemmas, favorite foods, love for traveling, etc. we are the same person in two separate bodies. The date was such a success and I knew then in my gut that he was going to be someone special.
Unfortunately, our beginning took a turn. We initiated dates back and forth that fell through due to valid reasons dealing with weather, conflicting schedules, etc. During this break between dates, he took the time to think if he was ready to start a new relationship. Although he liked me a lot, he was a little unsure unbeknownst to me. He’d been in several relationships before and they ended with him getting hurt whether they ended on good or bad terms. He was getting cold feet and didn’t know how to communicate that to me. He didn’t want to officially end it and he also didn’t want to lead me on so he said nothing for awhile. Although it wasn’t necessarily thought out, he was buying himself time until he knew how he felt (I learned all this later on). Then came about a month with no contact. During this time, he was dealing with family drama and I was becoming anemic. I eventually did need a blood transfusion. I mention this because that month apart went by fast and we didn’t have much time to linger over the thought of each other. I did notice he hadn’t reached out though. I’m certain now that he wouldn’t have ignored my messages had I sent any, but I was honestly waiting for him to reach out first. I was a little hurt to think that he had changed his mind and didn’t have the guts to tell me.
Sometime in that next month, when I returned to work after my hospital stay, I saw him at my job. I thought he saw me. He left and said nothing. I was actually devastated. He had been so kind and I didn’t know why he had a change of heart. At least he should’ve told me about it anyway. I decided that I was going to text him that night. I mentioned I had seen him at work, thanked him for the initial first date, apologized for not reaching out on my end, and I sort of wished him farewell under the assumption he wasn’t interested. It was very professional and I let him know that there were no hard feelings had he changed his mind. I was expecting some lame, typical excuse response if I even got one. He sent back this long text message apologizing, explaining himself, and asking me questions. He explained his fears and asked if we could start a “friendship” of sorts to keep a slow pace. There was chemistry of course, but he was afraid of me and now I was afraid of him. There was enough there to where we wanted to spend time together, but I needed to be sure I could trust him with my feelings and he also needed to be sure he could trust me with his heart. To this, I agreed to see him again.
We spent time going on casual dates and talking a lot. He became my friend. We talked a lot about what happened with the break over the following months. I told him how hurt I was and how communication is important to me. He understands the impact of going no contact abruptly. It has been entirely resolved and I also take responsibility in my part of not reaching out to him either. Ever since the break, he became consistent. We’ve talked every single day since. He was patient with me and I was patient with him. We earned each other’s trust and are now madly in love. It happened slowly and quietly. I have never met such a soft, kind, understanding, sensitive man. I am more myself with him than I ever have been before. If soulmates are real, then he is mine.
Now to the tea. Of course, my friends knew (most) all of this. I told them about the big events as they were happening. They were excited for me on my first date, they sympathized with me when he no longer reached out, etc. They were surely surprised when I decided to spend time with him again. I asked them to trust me. I didn’t think he was a bad guy. What happened was a mistake. As my man and I spent more time, my friend J would reach out asking me questions about him. I told only her about my concerns in the beginning. Back then, I was guarded and nervous to proceed, but it was something I knew I had to do. I had to find out for sure what kind of person he was.
Now, J, she’s a fireball. I love that girl, but I’ll admit she’s one to hold a grudge, keep score, and quietly judge. She’d never admit it. I made a mistake in choosing her as my confidant in those early days. I was looking for advice when speaking to her because I do value her opinion. She then went and told the other friends in my group, M and A included, about my man—what a bad person he seems to be, using her words, which frankly, are very different from mine. What makes me mad is she got to tell them about him, not me. Not even any of the positives either. This was all before they had even met him and they already didn’t like him. They had no problem scolding me for being with him.
Months down the road, I arranged a meeting for everyone. My friends thought a bar would be a great place. Still not sure about that. It was awkward. Nobody talked more than a few words. My man was shy and my friends didn’t really do anything to make him feel welcome. I was the only one babbling all night it seems like. You’d think that as time goes on, it’d be different. More meetings will help everyone be comfortable. Nope. Every time after was awkward. They haven’t spoken more than a few words to him at a time. It’s very “surface level” talk even now—a year later.
My last birthday had come around and J, M, and A took me out for drinks. It turned into a lecture session about how I seriously need to break up with him. They scolded me on “allowing a man to waste my time.” They criticized his career choice, our age difference, his “character,” etc. Mind you, this is based off of this one mistake and a few other things that I mentioned to J in private that were no longer an issue. I cried myself to sleep that night thinking I was going to have to break up with him to please them.
Of course, I couldn’t. They still invite him to events and friend functions out of politeness, but it’s always the same. They don’t acknowledge him. It makes me especially sad when my man makes comments like, “I’ve never seen so many shy people in one room” (He thinks my friends are just shy when they’re really just ignoring him). He’s printed out their pictures for our scrapbook and labeled them as “new friends.” I haven’t told him the truth and I probably never will.
A few months ago, J, M, me, and my man had plans to go to this local indie concert. Tickets are free. The concert was on a Friday. The next day, Saturday, was scheduled for my man’s nephew’s 2nd Birthday Party. His brother’s family would be traveling from out of town to celebrate their son. Well, things didn’t go according to plan. The brother decided to come a day early, the day of the concert. I should have cancelled the concert date then when I learned this news, but I told J and M we were still coming because my man still wanted to go. We figured we’d be able to sneak away since the brother had come by himself and wanted to come over and take a nap since he works odd hours. Well, my man’s dad dropped by and the brother didn’t take his nap as he’d planned. Now, having company over with expectations, I made the difficult decision to cancel with my friends last minute. I realize it is rude, but something came up. I didn’t see how we could go anymore.
My friends let me have it. J and M were so angry. They told me how rude we were and how disrespectful it was to their time to opt out of the concert which was free and in town by the way. There was also the two of them and they could have easily gone on a date. I think it would’ve been equally rude to leave our company or rush them out the door. I picked my battle. I should have gave them more notice, but I didn’t know we weren’t going until the last minute. It couldn’t have happened any other way. We fought over text for awhile. She accused me of being so different now, saying and doing things out of the ordinary for me. The truth is, I’m just growing up. J ended the conversation saying, “Well, we’re just going to stay mad.” She claimed to understand my circumstance, but she didn’t. We didn’t talk for weeks after.
I eventually got invited to a breakfast date to which I declined. I have been avoiding all of them for awhile. I keep getting “I miss yous” from J. She keeps asking when we’re gonna hang out next. It’s also true that J and M are now moving 4 hours away at the end of the month. My problem may solve itself. That does sound awful though. I feel like an asshole. I have not been a good or present friend lately. I’m so busy, tired, and I have no room for petty drama. I’m not giving up my friends yet, but I will gladly choose this boy over them. He’s given me more peace in one year than they have in five years.
My boy and I are now engaged. I told my friends the news. They said some nice things I guess. J texted to let me know “If I’m really happy, she’ll support me.” This would be nicer if it was coming from a concerned friend. To me, this whole situation feels controlling. It’s more than concern. There’s venom behind it. They don’t care about the wedding either. They don’t ask me fun questions or get excited when it comes up. When I eventually explained how he proposed, they seemed disinterested. I could tell they were judging the experience. When I finally showed J the engagement ring in person all she said was, “Take it off” in a snippy tone so she could try it on.
I’m so disappointed in my friends. I always wanted a big friend group and especially to share this big milestone with. I haven’t even gotten excited about wedding planning because I’m dreading going over the bridesmaids list. Anyway, if you’ve made it this far, thanks for listening. I definitely need to get this off my chest and outta my life. I can’t believe I’m losing my friends over a boy.

Hi everyone, my wife and I have a 3 and a half years old daughter, we both work 8-9 hours 5 days a week, weekends are a planned rush, so we only have like 2 hours to spend with our daughter on a weekday, and I get to spend weekend mornings alone with my daughter. Before going to work, we drop her at my MIL's to take care of her along with my wife's newphews/nieces until we're done then we pick her up and go home.
Past month or two, our daughter's behavior started changing. She started disobeying both myself and my wife. She used to be very obedient and behaving with me, not with her mom though as she's easier with her, while I'm not as easy. I'll give and take but I'm more strict. My wife likes to take more of a diplomatic approach which I honestly don't approve of but can come in handy sometimes. Now she's the same with me. She almost always disobeys me now and I'd have to take harsh measures to get her in check. She's learning wrong/bad behavior while at my MIL's from the other kids and I can't do anything about it. My mom was sick when we had our daughter, she wasn't able to help with her, and she sadly passed away last year. I have no choice but my MIL's. Schools/nurseries/summer programs won't work either as they're a few hours then she's back to my MIL's until we're done with work. Regardless, she starts nursery in September.
I tried talking, and I try it a lot, I give her many chances, but it doesn't seem to work anymore. She just doesn't seem to care until I isolate and ground her. She's become very hard to communicate with as she gets angry and starts to yell and cry as soon as she senses me pushing back/doesn't get/do what she wants. She's copying this behavior from my wife's niece. She does this to basically get anything she wants from her mom, so our daughter expects me or her mom to give her what she wants but instead ends up in her room in her crib until she calms down and then we talk about it. A lot of the bad things she does, she says this or that said or did. So she's just learning and copying bad behavior and there's no one there to decipline her.
My wife thinks I'm being extreme with her. We did agree in the past that when one of us (myself and my wife) notices the other getting extreme we'd let the other know, and she spoke to me about it yesterday. However, this doesn't seem right. Am I just supposed to let her misbehave and disobey us? I don't think so. I like to think that I'm a deciplined person and so was my daughter until lately. I can't watch our daughter as her behavior and obedience turns bad and just be quiet about it- and there's a lot of it, from words that a 3 years old shouldn't be using, to actions no one should be doing, plus much more, and it's getting on my nerves. This is not how I want my children to behave.
We currently have construction going on at home so we're unable to keep her home and isolate her from the kids at my MIL's (we have a nanny/babysitter that takes care of her in our absence). I told my wife that this is something we must do to get her under control again, but she still thinks I'm overreacting. I was able to convince her and we should be able to isolate our daughter next week once the construction is completed.
But before we get there, am I overreacting or am I doing the right thing? I feel like I'm going nuts. This isn't my only issue in life, I have a lot going on in my life atm so I need to hear other opinions. I don't want to be a bad dad. I love our daughter so much, she's been great and I have a lot of fun spending my time with her and I hate that there's this tension between us. She was great this morning before I dropped her to my MIL's. Does anyone wanna guess what's she going to be like when I pick her up from there? 😵‍💫 Thanks and sorry for the long post.

I 27/F and my husband 30/M have been married 9 years , we have 4 kids and we were high school sweethearts. We have always lived on our own (he does very well for himself in his career field and has always made good money.) my husband and have a rather traditional dynamic when it comes to our relationship which is quite typical in our cultures. We’ve always wanted to be parents and have a big family especially since I only grew up with one sibling.
**this is long so bare with me **
Here’s some back story on how we became parents. After we got married we agreed to have children eventually, but only 3 months after our wedding I fell pregnant due to rejection of birth control this continued to be a pattern and how I continued to fall pregnant under BC. Our expectations during our marriage were for him to provide and I continue my education whilst we enjoy life being a young married couple growing into adulthood. My husband was absolutely ecstatic to be a father… I was not I’m not going to lie at 18, I didn’t feel ready to be a mother yet. But dedication to my marriage and my soon to be family I had made the tough decision to continue with my pregnancy, even though I knew I’d be giving up a lot.
Fast forward 9 years … My husband is beyond disrespectful, unhelpful, unreliable and completely unsupportive. There has been infidelity( during a time of separation), verbal abuse over the years & financial hardship for a short period of time.
I have always supported his business ventures, career moves, family drama & any other personal issues under the sun and have always encouraged him in anything he’s involved in.
His family hates me and are extremely meddlesome all because I asked for privacy after the birth of our first child instead of allowing them to all come stay with me. ( over the years his parents have divorced and made the kids pick sides … yes you read that right )
I have yet to complete my doctorate due to constantly completely managing the home and family on my own. My husband never lifts a finger but to only participate in the “fun stuff” for the kids and not provide them with discipline or structure that children need. And is a complete SLOB. I’m OCD and being clean has always been a top priority in my life and having to clean up for our children is fine , they’re children. But having to clean after him is beyond enraging!
We hardly speak to each other, we spend no time together and rarely have sex and even if we do it’s only enjoyable maybe half the time. We both have absolutely no respect for each other we’re constantly bickering and I continue to try to discuss things with him which often results in him taking no accountability, gaslighting me or complete denial and defensive behavior that lashes out and usually sparks into another lengthy fight.
I’m at a complete loss…
When we talk and try to address our problems he assures me and insists on staying together and that he loves me even when I’ve suggested separating. He agrees to counseling but never has followed through with it at all during the years. I genuinely feel trapped, my obligation to our children and family is one of the most important things to me and because of that I feel like I sacrifice my own happiness to benefit our family as an entirety.
But I am beat. I’m helpless I’m resentful. I’m sad. I’m neglected. I feel like I can’t stop punishing him for things he has put me through over the years, especially things he has said to me because they are literally engraved in my head and cannot be unsaid.
I still love him very much , I just hate him as a person now. He doesn’t seem remorseful for his actions, he’s done a lot of cruel things over the years ( taunting my postpartum, disrespecting my parents, broken sentimental things, taken off on me for days and weeks at a time, flipped out in jealous fits on me in public, made life changing decisions without consulting me.) I often feel he has not incentive to change as he can get away with being disrespectful and not changing anything.
I’m out of boundaries to set. I cut off sex I stopped cooking for him, I’ll go days without speaking to him, step out of the house without communicating, kick him out of the house, bedroom etc. NOTHING influences any significant change just a few days and returns back to its toxic pattern.
Will this get better ? What can I do? Is change possible for people like him ? Can I ever get past this hurt?
I’ve turned into a person that I’m not whom is angry constantly and overwhelmed. My nature is a kind person & I truly long to serve my husband and family but I’ll be damned if I’m going to take this disrespect on a daily basis and still be “submissive” .
ANY suggestions are appreciated.

This is just my opinion, but I find Fiona more annoying than Debbie. I know that many people don't like Debbie, I can't blame them, she trapped Derek because she wanted a baby, not knowing the consequences it would have, she isn't a saint, but I find her tolerable than Fiona.
I liked Fiona at first in the early seasons. I use to love her and Jimmy Steve being together, but Jimmy just kept on lying and lying and stringing her along, and she deserved better. I couldn't blame her for cheating on him with Mike. That was the only exception I made. Cheating isn't cool at all, but Jimmy cheated on her before so, fair.
But then I started to dislike her when she cheated on Mike with his brother, Robbie. And it just kept getting worse.
She was also super irresponsible. Robbie gave her coke, she decided to celebrate, and then Liam nearly died because of him sniffing the coke that Fiona had laying around. And what really pisses me off is how she didn't snitch on Robbie, if she had then maybe she wouldn't have gotten into too much trouble, but no, her dumb excuse "I'm from the Southside we don't snitch!!"
She married Gus after knowing him for only a week, and then proceeded to cheat on him with Jimmy Steve when he randomly came back. (And yeah, Gus is also dumb for wanting to marry Fiona only after a week they known each other.)
And Gus forgiven her it seems, but then she later on started to ghost him and started a relationship with Sean. Didn't even bother to break up with him first. And she had the audacity to pawn his grandmother's ring. So Gus had every right to sing "The F Word." She deserved it.
I will admit, I did feel bad for her when Frank called out Sean on their wedding about his heroin addiction, Sean is a piece of shit for that. She didn't deserve that.
But aside from that, she's just been very annoying in the seasons I'm watching. It seems that her and Ford are gonna be a thing. Again, I am a first time watcher, but if you want to spoil me on what she does next, by all means, go ahead. The show's been out for years so it's expected.

This is my Madness Combat ranking. This is entirely my personal opinion. I have watched this series since around 2004 on Newgrounds, and a huge supporter of Krinkels' work. So I must point out that I do not believe a single episode is bad. I believe all of the episodes are top tier, this is just my ranking of where I think they stand out in terms of quality, length, story, music/sfx etc.. So if you see your favourite episode low down, just remember it's not bad, I just feel that there may be an episode that's better! This is also just the mainline series, so no canon shorts such as An Experiment or Dissenter, Marshmallow Madness, and no Dedmos Adventures. Although if I had to rank Dedmos in this list, it'd probably come 4th place, or something. This was a hard ranking, given how amazing each episode is, so having the canon shorts/spin-offs would be more difficult, given how much Krinkels' artstyle and animation has improved since Madness 11. The earlier rankings are going to be the hardest, but I will put nostalgia aside and rank based on quality and other factors.
15. Madness Combat
In last place, kind of predictable, but the first episode. Obviously just because nostalgia aside, every episode that came after it has raised the bar in so many ways. However, we mustn't forget the classic soundtrack, the lack of blood, the first canon entry of Jeb and Hank, a literal cannon - this is where it all started. It knows what it is, it's a classic. It's where Madness began.
14. Madness Redeemer
Again like before, an absolute classic and it's where I believe that Madness Combat in its current form truly began. We've got introductions of the Sheriff, The Clown, Jeb was brought back. This is also where the Tricky Saga started to take shape. Again I do feel that everything that came after it was just better in quality, but there is loads to love about Redeemer.
13. Madness Combat 7.5
May be a bit controversial, but 7.5 ranks lower. I think it's universally agreed that 7.5 is the least interesting .5 episode. It doesn't feel like it contrasts well with the zaniness and horror of Madness 7. In some capacity, I feel that you need to pair the .5's with their mainline counterparts, and this episode, whilst good, is just the opposite of Consternation. The soundtrack is also one of my least favourites. This one just felt a bit like a filler episode. It's still a great entry, especially given the time it came out, but I'd say this is the most 'run of the mill' episode pre-modern Krinkels.
12. Madness Avenger
Avenger is very much a classic. This is where the Improbability Drive was introduced and the main story started to take shape. I think Redeemer is where the violence and John Wick style animation began, but I feel the story truly jumped after Avenger. This was the second episode I ever watched and I still hold it in very high regard. I think this is the episode people think of when someone says 'Madness Combat', if you were skulking around Newgrounds back in the early 00's.
11. Madness Depredation
Depredation was the 3rd episode I ever watched. I remember seeing the thumbnail plastered everyone on flash animation websites. This is where Hank got his iconic look - this episode is just batshit crazy. If someone mentions Madness Combat and you don't think of Avenger or Consternation, then you probably remember the Depredation and onward looks. There's just so much to love here. The hard pounding soundtrack from Cheshyre let's you know that this is hardcore. Removing the nostalgia I'd say it doesn't have a lot to offer in terms of story until the very end, but man when this came out it was one of my favourites and still is, I just believe that the other episodes have a lot more to say.
10. Madness Inundation
When this first came out, it was sort of controversial, if I remember correctly. With Hank dead at the end of Consternation, I saw tons of comments and forum posts, including some from myself... is Hank coming back? Is this the end? No one really predicted that Jeb would get his own episode, and looking back, I love this episode. I wasn't a huge fan back in 2008, and I would have ranked it near the bottom just out of spite for not getting Hank. But this episode, looking at it today, is brilliant. Jeb is such a cool protagonist, being able to fly, use his powers, catch bullets, the iconic sniper rifle opening, API's soundtrack. The Magnum. I could go on, honestly. I think this is one of the highlights of the series, because at the time, we genuinely thought this was the final episode, and Krinkels' posts, or lack thereof, around that time, sort of gave the impression that this would be the case. The episode feels very much centred around doom, and the end of things as we know it, especially during normality restoration. I think this is where subtle hints surrounding the Madness universe (or Nevadean universe... maybe?) started to take shape. Thankfully, it wasn't the end. It was unfortunately, so far, the end of Jeb, which is a damn shame. I hope Krinkels reconsiders down the line, but for now, he joins the Sheriff being the only two characters to die, seemingly forever, and go to "regular Hell".
9. Madness Apotheosis
Apotheosis is the very first episode I watched back in 2004, so naturally I do have some tiny amount of bias. This is where Krinkels found his footing - quite literally. Characters now have two feet, animation is a lot smoother, another iconic bandage look from Hank following Avenger... again, before getting Depredation, similar to Inundation as well, this truly looked like the end.
8. Madness Combat 5.5
This may also be controversial. But I firmly believe 5.5 is actually better than the episode it's structured around. Again, these earlier rankings are hard as I am trying to not see it through nostalgia, but rather quality. I think 5.5 just has so much to say, the iconic opening, mixed with the soundtrack. It fits perfectly with the lore, and actually makes Depredation a much better episode. Again, the issue with Depredation is that the intro is just run of the mill, up until the mid-point and ending, which only serves, at the time, a continuation in the form of Antipathy. 5.5 is where things tied together very nicely. This is also the introduction of Sanford and Deimos who would go on to become much loved characters in the Madness canon. Given how they just seem like random grunts in Depredation (which, at the time, they likely were), Krinkels managed to give them a whole side quest, which ties in very nicely with the main story. It's also the first time where two protagonists are on screen and are actually doing something, which I'll explain later. Other than that, great episode!
7. Madness Antipathy
The sixth Madness episode is also quite the anomaly. What I failed to realise as a kid is that each episode pretty much ends on a somewhat cliffhanger, but a cliffhanger where it could continue, and it also doesn't have to. 2006 was a huge year for animated sequels, with Madness 6, Killing Spree VI and Joe Zombie: Episode 6, ironically, all the 6's. There's a few others to mention, but we'd be here all day. I love Hanks look in this episode, with his exposed jaw after being pummelled to heck by Tricky in episode 5. The stab wound with the smiley face. Just do what comes natural. Have to mention while I love Cheshyre's Trainmadness soundtrack, we also have to give a shoutout to the creepy opening music MADNEWAT, and API's fast, twitchy techno music in the first half. I mention this because Hank seems very twitchy in this episode, and I love it. It's also carried over in 9.5 too, which is nice to see. The gore is great, especially with the axe and P90 at the end, the train, Jeb working a normal job post Depredation... I think this is where Madness truly reached the point of 'crazy' and set the stage for every episode that came after it.
6. Madness Aggregation
Aggregation is the 9th episode in the Madness canon, and was certainly a surprise to see. This is Krinkels' experimental phase, and you can see it throughout the episode. It was the first episode (if I remember correctly) to have two protagonists on screen at the same time (or three, if you count dead/carried Hank). This is where my problems begin, however. You can certainly tell it was the first time, a lot of my issues with this episode center around Sanford or Deimos sort of standing around doing nothing whilst the other is causing mayhem. Apart from that though, it was nice to see them again, especially after watching the .5's years later. On rewatch, I hold it in much higher regard now that we have context for the canon. This is also where Hank is revived and would set up another event in the form of 9.5 later down the line. It is weird to see Hank as a Mag, and it's doubly sad to see that Deimos did not make it, but this episode is baller. The soundtrack as well, definitely fits the opening with our heroes driving and evading enemies. I can't pinpoint it, but the soundtrack definitely feels like a dual protagonist sound. In terms of story, it sticks very well.
5. Madness Combat 6.5
There is so much to love about 6.5. I think it's honestly the best .5 episode pre-Madness 11 era. 2009-2011 was a very experimental phase, but it definitely paid off. I just love how seamlessly 5.5 and 6.5 come together when watched one after the other, or in one big video (props to the folks who put those 'In Real-time' videos together). The wounded Sanford, the train tracks, it certainly gives a lot of context for what is going on, wordlessly. This is where they started to get their iconic looks. Whilst 7.5 didn't really offer anything substantial, 5.5 and 6.5 are truly magnificent episodes that are held in high regard. The reason I ranked 5.5 lower is that it's just to give you an idea of what's happening around Depredation and Antipathy, whereas 6.5 feels like its own episode. The soundtrack is one of my favourites too. The animation was getting more and more fluid, and given that this came out before Madness 10, it's quite amazing how much of the animation style here is carried over into the later episodes.
4. Madness Consternation
Episode 7 is one of my all-time favourites, for sure, and I think this rings true for a lot of people in the community. Even though it's not ranked at number 1, I'd still say it's among my personal favourite episodes. The soundtrack and eerie vibe of the demonic Clown gives the episode a real horror angle that I always scared me in a way, as a kid. There's also things I never noticed back in 2007, that I notice today, such as 'DISSENTER BE DAMNED' written on the walls where the spiked agents are. This is cool nowadays since 9.5 expands on retention and dissenters, so even though it may not have been intended at the time (or if it was, Krinkels was certainly quiet about it), it tells a lot without any words and fits the story very nicely. Again, it's another pick for my "this is the Hank you think about when someone mentions Madness Combat" list. There are so many. But I love Hank's ninja wraps and red goggles. I feel this is when his image improved each episode. Cheshyre's Madness7 soundtrack is close to my all time favourite, and I still blast it in the car to this day. Also, chainsaw Hank is MVP.
3. Madness Expurgation
This might be a little controversial depending on who you ask, but I think Expurgation fits nicely in 3rd place within this ranking. It's one of my favourites and is probably one of the craziest episodes to date. I think the issue I have with this episode is the lack of blood. I think Madness has always been memorable for the amount of gore, blood and ways that the enemies are killed. I don't have an issue with the black blood from the clown minions, but the gore just feels a bit lessened here, in my opinion anyway. That, however, does not stop this from being an all time great. 7 years, 7 months and 7 days, and it was well worth the wait after being teased for so long. This is truly a highpoint in the Madness canon, where things looked vulnerable in-universe. I know things have always looked shaky given how each episode ends, but seeing the Auditor all messed up and trying to make a deal with Hank and Sanford to remove the Clown, it sets up Madness Combat 12 nicely. The audio and SFX is a major improvement and would become a standard in later animations. The soundtrack, 'Expurgation', from our saviour Cheshyre is again one of the best soundtracks. It gives a sense of hopelessness, this is even more apparent when Sanford yells out in frustration when he is cornered by Tricky, but then hope is restored when Hank returns with a new metal arm, and the soundtrack hits even harder. I do feel like the fight at the end could have been a bit more interesting, and a lot could have happened, but then again, Krinkels worked on this thing for 7 years, so I'll give him a pass on that. Also love the way the episode begins with Hank and Sanford climbing down the ladder from MC10, haha. All in all, one of my favourites.
2. Madness Abrogation
I think Madness Combat 10 is easily one of the best episodes. This thing came out in 2011, but it could have come out in 2016 or something and I'd have been none the wiser. The sheer rise in quality is undeniable. Like I said before, my issues with Aggregation stem from a quality perspective, where one or more characters sort of stand around doing nothing whilst another character is off doing something. When rewatching MC9, it becomes more and more apparent and I can't unsee it. MC5.5 and 6.5 was a period of time where Krinkels was able to hash this out and I think this all came together in MC10, for sure. The animation is very expressive and fluid, there's not a single point where the protags are just standing still or doing nothing (except for when Hank is pushed into the wall by the Mag and when he pulls the lever for Sanford, but I'll give this a pass). The episode feels very alive, due in part to the expressiveness, such as Hank and Sanford playing rock paper scissors to determine who dives into The Auditor's construct first. Naturally, it's our boy Hank. And that soundtrack? Come on, it's easily my personal favourite in the whole series. I think where MC9 toned it down to suit a more slow paced episode, MC10 ramps it up where it sounds like alarms are ringing, as if to say "we've go to go, quick!", and the part of the song where a portion of Madness7 is played, followed by a remix of Crazy Clown Song of Death from MC5, truly amazing. Cheshyre did a beastly job here, and as usual, breathed some serious life into this episode. It's by far the episode I come back to the most, there is just so much to love here. Again, you'd have no idea that MC10 and MC11 are 7 years apart. I wish I could say more, and to be honest I would I could say more on ALL the episodes, but we'd be here all day. MC10 is a classic, hands down.
1. Madness Combat 9.5
This might've been expected, or not expected, I don't know. But MC9.5 is easily the best episode to date. I'll also be ranking both parts as one whole episode. I can't actually tell you which part I prefer the most, as it takes two of my favourite looking Hanks and puts them into the same episode. Following Dedmos and the anticipated release of MC12, I would say that this is Krinkels' magnum opus. In terms of sheer quality, the amazing sound design, and again we cannot forget how much life is pumped into these animations by Cheshyre. I'd say I prefer Part 1's soundtrack over Part 2. I think given how fast MC6 Hank is, I would be inclined to say Part 1's fast paced soundtrack fits that version of Hank the most, but that's just a personal preference.
Anyway, the most noticeable thing off the bat is the sleek, crisp art design. It's rugged, detailed, and is by far Krinkels' best work. It truly feels like a massive overhaul to the design of the characters and world around them. Again, the expressiveness is huge, such as Hank making fun of the ATP Soldat gesturing with his hand, pointing towards the eyes, and this is even more interesting because it's the first time Hank meets them chronologically. It feels very fluid, and everything looks like it has real weight to it. This is also enhanced by the amazing sound design, for a mask that drops onto the floor, or the clicking of the guns. The horror feel from MC7 is truly back here, as well. Part 2 specifically where Tricky just goes into beast mode, it very much caught me off guard. MC9.5 also gives us an interesting look at how 'the other place' works, and how the Madness universe works as a whole. It's implied when you die, you end up in this sort of purgatory hellscape, and it does all of this story telling wordlessly. Ironically, I feel that Part 1 is actually more of a 7.5 than the original 7.5, for the obvious reason that 9.5 starts after Hank is killed in MC7. So many little details in 9.5 make it feel so authentic, such as the very end when Hank is revived, and you can faintly hear gunshots in the background, the moment where Deimos is killed. I have so much more to say but again, we'll be here all day. All in all, this is by far the best MC episode to date in terms of quality, audio, story and the new art style will be one of the driving forces moving forward.
So, that's my personal ranking of Madness Combat episodes. Again, I love every single episode, so if there's a ranking you disagree with, just remember it's my personal opinion and in my head, they are all number 1. Submit your rankings, and let me know your thoughts, and where you'd rank the episodes!

I (15f) have one sister (17f) and we do not get along. We were never close, like ever, and we fight a lot when we're around each other too much. Our parents will bring us together more as a family when the fights get more frequent because they think that'll fix things and bring us closer together. I know she always hated it and I started hating it after I realized we'd never have a close relationship or even be friends really. I don't know how it started.
I feel like it had to start before either of us were old enough to remember, like when we were toddlers, but I can't prove that clearly. She does things that hurts my feelings or pisses me off. I know she says my general presence is annoying for her and that she feels like I steal from her all the time, because my parents dressed me in her old clothes and gave me her old toys when we were younger and they still make me take some of her old clothes still, which is more awkward because our bodies are way different now.
The most civil we generally are is when we're just not speaking to each other. I admit that I struggle to let go of some things she's said before and that I react badly if she says something that reminds me of that. Like she has told me a million times she wishes she was an only child and how nothing good comes from having siblings. She'll say I would be more tolerable as a brother. Or her favorite thing is telling me that she proudly claims she's an only child when none of our family are around. But then she'll say something about how lucky our cousins are to have siblings or how she always wanted a sister and it pisses me off.
We don't support each other. If we had a choice we would never go to each other's stuff for family support. Our parents make us go. But something I noticed a lot is my sister will be on her phone or will sit and sulk if she has to come and our parents let it happen. Now she has a dance production coming up and my parents told me I'm coming to support her and cancelled my plans that were already in place so I can go with them. They didn't stop there though. They told me they expect me to actually cheer for my sister when we go and root for her like sisters should. I brought up that she never does that for me. They told me just because she doesn't support me doesn't mean I can't support her and how much they're relying on me doing this. I pointed out how unfair that is and called them out for expecting more out of me than they do from her. I told them I never sulk or look all around me but she's not someone I would support and they shouldn't expect more from me than showing up when they don't expect the same from her. They told me it's not a very grown up way to look at things and that I'm acting very much like the spoiled little sister and that I can't expect them to treat us the same and I'm being unfair expecting it.
AITA?

TLDR AT THE BOTTOM.
This might be long, I'm sorry. My ex (23M) and I (25F) dated for an entire year in 2022, and then broke up and for the past year and little bit have not spoken or seen each other once. We met at a local bar and the way he came up to me as forward and sweet, he was younger than me but super confident and it worked. While we dated, we had a pretty great relationship and it was very much best friends/lovers, our whole group was amazing, and my current friend group now was essentially his group of friends first. He was always gentle with me, he let me be 110% myself, and I was his first love/his first girlfriend. He treated me really well.
Why did we break up, you ask? He was in his senior year of college at the time, and when he drank too much he'd get a little aggressive (not with me, like if someone bumped into him at the bar type vibe) and his sister was a fucking menace. She was my age, and so codependent on him she was mean to me because I took up his time instead of her. I was nothing but nice to her and tried to make it work, but she ruined my birthday that year, lied to him about how she treated me when he wasn't around, and was in general just really awful to me every chance she got. What's worse is I was his first girlfriend and that was her first time not having him to herself, and he didn't know any better and couldn't stand up for me when he needed to sometimes. It caused so many problems. Our friends hated her, too. That's the umbrella.
The actual breakup was because he was particularly difficult one night drunk and said something super mean to me, and when I wanted to talk to him about it he couldn't really face what he did. He had plans to go home that next day (an hour away, where his sister also lives) and said we'd talk on the phone later. Well, he called me, and he broke up with me over a 3 minute phone call. He didn't even sound like himself, he was distant and cold and the opposite of how he was with me any other time we'd ever gotten into an argument or discussion, and I KNEW it wasn't coming from him. I got over it pretty quickly because I was over his sister's shit and knew it was for the best regardless of how it happened.
We went this entire past year no contact, not seeing each other, nothing. Our friends saw him probably 3 times but he always left town before anyone went out and I'm 90% sure it was because he was avoiding seeing me.
ANYWAY. There's the back story, here's us seeing each other the first time.
This past weekend, one of our good friends had a really important event, and my ex was in town. My best girlfriend told me he would be, and my attitude toward it was truly whatever, I was fine seeing him and over it. We met everyone at the same bar he and I met at, which is basically our spot, and he was coming out of the bathroom when he saw me. His eyes went huge, he looked shocked. I thought it was a little funny, so I went up to him and gave him a a hug and said hi. He awkwardly said it was really nice to see me, and then went to the bar to get a drink. I went with my two friends to get a drink at the bar a few minutes later, and he was standing across from us literally glancing at me every 2 seconds.
I ended up going up to talk to him because we were obviously in the same group, and he asked me how I was. I said I'd been great, asked him how he was, pleasantries. He then goes, "but how are you really?" and I was like ?? No, like I've been great, dude. From there it was like nothing had changed between us. We were firing inside jokes off to each other, talking and laughing, and we pretty much turned into a unit from there. He was buying my drinks, giving me a piggyback ride to the next bar, arm around my waist the whole night, holding my hand, etc. If something funny happened I was the first person he was looking at.
At the end of the night we were talking and I asked him where he was staying, told him he could stay at mine if he wanted. He said he really wanted to, but he was seeing "kind of seeing someone". I asked him point blank if this was a girlfriend situation because I didn't want to ruin anything for him, then said I was seeing someone casually, too. He said he had no idea and basically brushed it off, was super nonchalant about it and didn't seem worried. I then said it wasn't like I wanted to do anything but it would be really nice to sleep next to him. He said he really wanted that, and we ended up back at mine. I had my head in his lap the whole uber ride to my house, he was brushing my hair out of my eyes, etc.
Nothing happened at my house, we stayed up and talked and laughed and cuddled and slept. The next morning we were up early talking and laughing more, catching up, etc. and went to our friend's brunch. The whole entire day he's looking at me like he did when we first met, watching out for me, at one point even pulled me into him and told me I was "really hard not to look at". It was like we were dating again.
We went back to our friend's apartment and hung out with everyone, and it was him in a being bag chair and me between his legs. He was playing with my hair the entire time, massaging my shoulders, leaning into me to laugh at everything we were the only ones noticing. We didn't even talk to hardly anyone else the whole 3 hours we were there. I left at the same time he did because he had an hour to drive home, and our goodbye was so emotional??
He hugged me so tightly for 3 minutes, said "well one of us is going to have to let go" and kissed me so hard it was like he was going off to war or something. I told him I had no idea what I was supposed to say, and he said he didn't either, and we kissed again really hard and we held hands until I was walked off far enough and had to let go. I got in my car and cried for 5 minutes, but I wasn't sad and I wasn't sure why.
I don't know what to do now. He hasn't texted or reached out and I'm sure he's just as confused as I am. I don't have rose-colored glasses on, I know there would need to be a ton of discussions before we ever revisited an "us", but this weekend just threw me because of how he ended our relationship. He's had a lot of things happen the last year that I know made him grow up and mature a lot, but I just don’t know. Am I delusional or does it seem like he's not over it either? He ended it but he also initiated all of this, so I shouldn't reach out, or should I?
TLDR; My ex (23M) and I (25F) saw each other for the first time after a year of no contact and it was like nothing between us changed, we were electric. He very obviously wasn't over me at all/looking at me the entire weekend like he did when we were dating/taking care of me/acting like he did when we dated. I'm not sure what to do because it made me realize I'm not over it either, even after going the entire last year thinking I was. I don't know where to go from here.
Any input is helpful, I'm sorry this is so fucking long lol

Hey Reddit! This may become a lengthy post, so I will add a TL;DR at the bottom. I changed everyone's names in this post to keep their privacy.
I (23f) have been friends with Larry for roughly 3½ years. We met at a hospital and became temporary roommates in 2021, after I went through a long-term treatment and had nowhere to go. We decided to stay roommates and rent a bigger apartment together, which we moved into in Nov. 2022.
Larry and I have a shared friend circle and have been getting along great for almost 3 years. We never really had any fights before (which I now realize was mostly due to us both being scared of conflict and me leaving minor red flags uncommented). But many things changed when I started dating my (now-)fiancé.
Here are the reasons I think Larry may have turned into a toxic friend (I'm going to try to stick with the major things + examples):

• 1.) POTENTIAL GUILT TRIPPING; (I am writing "potential", since I obviously can't be 100% sure whether Larry's intention really is to make me feel guilty, but it feels a lot like it.) There are quite a few situations where I felt guilt-tripped, but it would be too long to list them all so I will tell you about a recent situation:

My fiancé and I were at my grandma's on mother's day and ate there. Larry asked us about dinner plans when we returned, to which we both replied that we were currently full and we'd just throw a pizza in the oven in case we'd get hungry later. Larry said he would also eat later then, so we could all have dinner together. We told him he didn't need to wait for us and to just eat if he was hungry but he insisted on waiting. That same evening there was a huge argument between Larry and us over a plastic wrapper that had fallen out of the trash can (Larry lashed out on us out of nowhere, accused us of leaving the trash there on purpose and complained that he had to crouch down to pick it up when he was in pain, instead of just asking for help). My fiancé and I avoided Larry for the majority of the evening, because we were still upset and the conflict was not resolved. We went to the kitchen to drink something and Larry came in, sat down and after a couple minutes of silence asked something along the lines of: "Didn't we want to have dinner together? I waited the whole time, but you didn't come!" I told him that the fighting spoiled my appetite and I didn't want to eat anything to which my fiancé agreed. Larry then said something like: "Great, then I won't get to eat tonight. Actually I am super hungry, but I can't eat alone, so if you don't eat I won't get to eat anything either."

• 2.) HYPOCRISY; I already mentioned that Larry and I have a shared circle of friends and whenever Larry and I get into an argument, he is quick to call our friends and vent to them. However, Larry told me that he doesn't want me to talk about those conflicts with my family members or people he doesn't know. He says he is "scared they may turn me against him and ruin the friendship". He never asked me whether I am okay with him ranting to our shared friends though and I usually avoid dragging our friends into it, because I don't want to make them feel awkward or put them in a position where they may have to pick sides.
  
• 3.) INTENTIONAL MISUNDERSTANDING/OVERSTATEMENTS AND ACCUSATIONS; Larry has a tendency to present his assumptions and interpretations as facts. An example: Larry was at work and I was up in my room. I didn't hear when he came home (I was playing a video game, I think) and he didn't come upstairs to greet me. He later told his daughter Bonnie (15f), that I had locked myself in my room, since I wasn't feeling well. At least that is what Bonnie told me, but it is very believable to me, because he also said things like that about me to or in front of me in the past.
  

What I mean by intentional misunderstandings is this: I always choose my words very carefully to prevent misunderstandings and accidentally hurting or offending people. Larry, often times, tells me that I said certain things to him, which I know I didn't and/or would never say. For example:
I went to the hospital for psychogenic issues and had to stay there overnight. During that time he often had huge fights with Bonnie and the constant screaming and general turbulence at home stressed me a lot. I told him that if I noticed myself getting too stressed out due to the situation at home, I would consider staying at my mom's or fiancé's place for a couple days to avoid ending up in the hospital again. His reply was (I don't remember the exact wording, but the key message is the same): "So you are just gonna abandon us when Bonnie raises her voice? Great, I thought we'd go through everything together and you'd always help me, but if you want to leave as soon as Bonnie gets upset, sure!" I told him that wasn't what I said or meant and explained again that I need to prioritize my health and that next time I wouldn't ignore my psychogenic symptoms until it escalates, but retreat to a place where I could get a breather. After hearing my explanation he, once again, accused me of planning to abandon him and his daughter at the first "opportunity that presents itself". I told him once more that that wasn't what I said or meant, but he stuck to his version and brought it up multiple times in the days following that conversation.

• 4.) DISRESPECTING BOUNDARIES; I remember an incident where I walked into the kitchen after waking up and Larry instantly started complaining about his ex-wife and the way CPS handled their case etc. I told him: "I just woke up, can I please have breakfast in peace, before talking about such hefty topics? I am still too tired to listen or give advice properly." Larry said that was okay, but as soon as I had prepared my bowl of cereal he continued ranting and asking me for my opinions on the matter. I was too tired to argue, so I just did my best to follow what he was saying and gave half-hearted, short answers. Another example: During the last big fight we had, he wanted to hug me. I told him I didn't want to, but he insisted and kept walking towards me. My fiancé, who was right next to me, snapped and shouted at Larry for not respecting my boundary and that I clearly said no. Larry later claimed that he had respected my boundary and had neither tried to verbally pressure me into hugging him, nor taken another step in my direction.
  
• 5.) LYING (AND GASLIGHTING?); Larry lies very very frequently and gets really aggressive and defensive whenever someone points that out. An example:
  

We have two dogs that usually sleep in my room. One night I got really panicked, cause I kept hearing noises in the hallway outside my door, so I locked myself in my room for the night. The next day I was sitting in the kitchen with Larry and at some point I looked at the clock and said: "Oh shit, I need to walk the dogs!" Larry was confused and said I didn't have to do that, because he had walked them early in the morning as he "always does". I told him that was impossible, cause the dogs were locked inside my room with me. At first Larry insisted he had been outside with them, but after telling him again that it was just not possible he did a full 180 and lashed out at me for "constantly locking the dogs in my room with me, which made it impossible for him to walk them". I don't lock myself in overnight regularly, it was a one time thing. In another conversation Larry actually admitted to not walking the dogs every morning, but only after he had claimed to be walking them every morning earlier in that same conversation. According to Bonnie and my fiancé he doesn't go outside with the dogs every morning, as he claims. They have witnessed him leaving for work without walking the dogs multiple times, yet he always said he had done it when somebody asked him about it.
This infuriates me so much, because I told him at least twice that I was grateful he walked the dogs in the morning but that there was no shame if he didn't have the time or energy to do so on some days. I asked him to just inform me in that case, because the doggos need to pee. His reply was that walking the dogs in the morning was something he enjoyed doing and it was therapeutic for him - he never once texted me or left me a piece of paper saying that the dogs have yet to be walked. Why the borderline animal abuse??? Why not just be honest?
Larry also constantly tells me how much I've changed, that I am not the person he initially befriended etc., since I have been dating my fiancé. He also told me in an argument that all my friends were distancing themselves from me because I had changed so much. I once asked him to define this grave change he was describing, which he couldn't. I ended up asking my other friends about it and they told me I had been a little different in the beginning of the relationship, but it all went back to normal after a couple weeks and that, to them, I was still the same likeable person.

• 6.) DELIBERATE PROVOCATION; Larry often does things, that he knows make me angry. He knows that, because I told him about it insanely often and I continue to do it every time it happens. One of those things is constantly asking me whether "everything is okay between us". And by constantly I mean CONSTANTLY. I tell him everything's fine and he says: "I don't believe you." over and over until I snap and raise my voice. He then asks me why I'm so angry all of a sudden. He uses situations like these as a reaction to being criticized by saying: "You are also bitchy sometimes, like last time when I asked you whether everything's alright." I told him that this behaviour infuriates me, but he told me he just is like that and that I have to accept it, that I never had a problem with it before (which is not true) and that I also have flaws.

I don't know if these are just normal behaviours in conflict, if Larry is really toxic or if what he does is borderline abusive. I am terrified of losing our shared friends if I move out and that the 3 months we have to stay in this apartment after canceling the rental agreement will become hell for me. What if he turns Bonnie against me with his manipulation tactics and I have to spend 3 months in an apartment where it's 2 against one? I am also terrified of Larry not giving up my dog, since his name is also in the purchase contract.
TL;DR: The friend I share an apartment with is behaving in various ways that I think could be toxic and I don't know how to get out of here without losing everything.

So it all started with the bachelor party. We got an air bnb and went out to have a little fun got something to eat had a few drinks(I was sober bc I had to drive). At the end of the night we asked the groom if there was anything else he wanted to do before we turned in for the night he of course said he wanted to go to a strip club. Nobody really protested.I and brother in law said it probably wasn't a good idea but would take him if he really wanted to go. Groom insists so the best man finds a local establishment and I drive the group there. The first club doesn't let us in bc of dress code I take it as a sign from a higher power that we dodged a bullet but best man insists we try one last club before we turn in for the night. This one let's us in we do what a bachelor partys does at strip club, about 30 minutes after we arrive one of the guys wife's checks his location sees where we are at and blows a gasket. We take the hint pay our tab. By the time we get back the air bnb the other mens other halfs have been informed of where we were. Next morning we wake up to a shit storm of calls and texts from my sister saying we need to come back immediately(this was supposed to be a three day weekend) or she'll call off the wedding. So of course we pack and discuss how to approach the coming ass reaming we are all about to receive myself and BiL tell groom that he should just tell her the truth. But the groom decides that he'll handle his future wife and to leave it to him. Cut to a few months later and groom has been feeling so guilty about not telling bride everything that he come clean and tells her everything opening up a huge can of worms in the process. Sister flips out on everyone involved again and demands apologies frome everyone or else they will be taken out of the wedding she then says she doesn't want to speak about any of what happened with anyone and to just leaver her alone to process. I call her bluff and say it wasn't my decision to go to a strip club I only drove there and said I don't owe her anything groom is a man that can take responsibility for his own decisions. Well she didn't like that and removes me from the wedding party and tacks on that I'm not allowed to attend the wedding at all. We then proceed to not talk to each other for about six months and the wedding comes and goes.Sister is still not talking to me but I can tell that our lack of relationship is affecting the whole family and decide the extend an olive branch to try and work things out. Well cut to after a very tense and awkward conversation that basically boils down to her saying that I was to blame for everything because I was sober and I shouldn't have let groom anywhere near a strip club and her saying that she has no blame in anything she did or said because she was under so much mental distress.

Context: my husband (36m) and I (41m) are from Virginia. We are living and working in AZ and are on a 2 week trip home. Both my parents and his parents are also here in VA. We all live in the same area, but husband and I, as well as his parents are currently employed in AZ. The town he and his parents are from in VA is about 45 minutes from the town my parents and I are from - same area, neighboring towns. So we are essentially on a 2 week vacation to be home and visit family and friends. With our jobs, we only get two trips a year to come home. Next one will be Christmas.
A good friend from AZ decided to spend a week with us because she had never been to East Coast and we invited her - a very close friend to my husband and I for the past 3 years. After spending several days with the MIL, our friend (she is a dear friend to my husband and me both) has decided she REALLY does not like my MIL. She explained it yesterday as my MIL constantly making comments about what she was wearing, what she was eating, her makeup, repetitively suggesting sunscreen while in the sun (only because my MIL recently had a scare with basal cell carcinoma) and actually got tearful talking about it to me. There were multiple other comments she cited, that to me seems rather trivial. My MIL can be borderline annoying. She tends to tell the same stories and repeat herself many, many times. And she's pretty forward with her suggestions on many things. After 16 years, I just ignore it - not that it ever really bothered me in the first place. It's just her personality. She is a chatty lady, never rude or condescending, but she certainly loves to talk a lot. But on the other hand, I can see how it would really irritate others. The 10th time she's told you about how they cut the basal cell carcinoma off her leg and how she's keeping her skin covered and sunscreen on to prevent sun exposure - yeah, it doesn't even phase me at all, but apparently it's like nails on a chalkboard to some. I honestly thought it was just minor annoyances adding up until my friend explained yesterday that it made her feel like my MIL was calling her out for being brown (we are all white and our friend is Navajo). To be clear, my husband, in-laws and I all live and work on the Navajo reservation and have for many years. I do not think my MIL did or ever would say anything racially charged because I don't think she has those thoughts - none of us think like that at all. Regardless of what I think or know, this is how my friend interpreted it. For reference, she and I are staying with my parents, who are a whole different speed and she loves them and spending time here.
Today, we had to take my husband to his parents and plans were known that our friend and I were going out to get pedicures. My MIL loves pedicures and more than that, just loves being around people. My FIL and husband were doing a lot of farm work today, essentially leaving my MIL to be at home all day alone.
When we got there, my MIL was dressed, hair done and ready to go with us. Our friend had said enough that I knew this was not a situation I could diffuse. Nor do I think it is my place to intervene. Our friend never said anything to my MIL about how badly her comments bothered her because she doesn't want to make an issue of it. She just does not want to be around her.
I feel so caught in the middle, dancing the fence and feel like I was forced to choose a side by ditching my MIL - a position I despise being in. I just told my MIL that we were going bar-hopping after pedicure, which was a lie but she is a 100% non-drinker and I knew she wouldn't go if she thought that is what we were doing. It worked and she didn't go.
If it were me, by myself, I would never in a million years have just left her sitting by herself if I knew she wanted to go somewhere with me. The guilt today has been unbearable and I've been a bit tearful over the whole thing. Fighting back the tears in public is embarrassing AF, y'all. I love my in-laws dearly and would bend over backwards for them any day of the week. I've gotten multiple texts from my husband about how sad my MIL has been today because we left her there alone. He took her out for lunch after we ditched her and she told him that we saw her as a 3rd wheel and it made her sad and honestly, my MIL is NOT the "sad type". I've never saw her sad in the 16 years I've been around her, other than after her mother died. I.e., for her, sad isn't even in her vocabulary. I can't and won't tell my husband that our friend is the reason I didn't take my MIL out today because I'm afraid that would turn the whole situation nuclear and cause more friction and volatility amongst everyone and I also don't feel like it's my place to speak on our friend's behalf. I also don't want to cram two women in a car, one of whom can't stand the other one and not knowing if my MIL would make more comments to my friend that would make her uncomfortable. I could see how upset my MIL was in her face before we left. I immediately told our friend how horrifically guilty and terrible I felt for leaving her alone before we pulled out of the driveway because I knew how much she was looking forward to getting out of the house with us today and how much getting ditched by us would hurt her. I was really hoping our friend would backstep and agree to my MIL going with us. She just told me "thank you for not inviting her, I don't think I could handle it anymore". To beat it all, my husband is staying with his parents because there's a lot of upkeep needing to be done at their place and I really kinda miss my husband a lot, but seeing him would require our friend to be around my MIL and that won't fly. My husband also feels like I don't want to be around him and his family, now. However, we are the ones who invited our friend here and I certainly wouldn't feel right about ditching our friend to go see my husband either. I generally try to be very conscientious about others and go out of my way to ensure everyone is comfortable, happy and having a good time. But this entire situation is completely untenable.
I drop the friend off at the airport on Weds to fly back to AZ, the husband and in-laws leave to drive back to AZ on Thurs (I'm following a few days after) so this whole horrible mess will be over with then. I loath and hate this entire situation. I feel angry with our friend for putting me in this situation, but also was never present when my MIL made whatever comments she made. Or perhaps I was present and literally nobody paid attention because we all know my MIL and sometimes we just let her talking go in one ear and out the other. I feel like and I want to say our friend is over exaggerating, but I can't because I didn't hear or do not remember what my MIL said to our friend. And especially if she feels like she is being attacked based on her race or culture. I'm not touching that with someone else's 10-foot pole. I'm again going to reiterate how horrible and what a shitty human being I feel like for ditching my MIL today, knowing how badly it would hurt her feelings and how badly I hated doing it. Also reiterating that neither my MIL, nor any of us are racist and our friend is the same race and culture as the people we've been working with, working for and living amongst for the better part of 5 years now. If someone had ever told me they thought my MIL was racist, well...I don't know what I would do, but I can guarantee I wouldn't have felt guilty about leaving her today. Plus, I've spent enough time around her that I'm pretty sure I'd know if she were racist by now. I just have one more day to dance this dance and I can deal with the fallout later when everyone has more distance between them. I have no idea if I'm actually going to tell my husband and MIL all of this later, but saying anything now with emotions raw seems like a treacherous and flammable experiment. I'll just take the blame and play middle-man for now.
AITAH for ditching my MIL?

It can be summarised into 1 single phrase: "Western Europeans' stereotypes about American Indigenous + Orientalism about Central and North Asians"

1. Martin said it was based on Nomadic people, but I guess he is only good at Western European history researchers(see all the seven kingdoms based on British kingdoms) because the Dothraki are more of simply bandits instead of nomads.
2. +Common European stereotype(actually, it is not even traditional stereotype like the Song of Roland, this is a fairly new thing that came up since Conan the Barbarian) is that nomadic barbarians wear rough leather clothes with dull original leather dark brown colour...+ Well, no, nomads are usually wearing thick fabric robes and pants with bright colours, it is not even a culture thing, any human being will need it for survival, they need the robes because, well, it can be very cold in desert and prairie due to Extreme temperature difference between day and night. Dothraki people will literally freeze to death within half a day if they keep being half naked... This "half naked" stereo type probably comes from American indigenous people who lived in very warm areas.
3. +Their weapons...+ The major weapons of horse riding nomads are :Bow, back up Bow, Lance. Instead of what is called Arakh in the story, which was probably the stereotype of nomadic people's sabre but somehow got depicted as an Egyptian Khopesh in the TV drama... If you have a horse, just use bow and polearm, this is not even something about nomads, it is the same for any horse riding warrior, sabre/sword/katana/whatever single hand blade you have should be a last resort side weapon, but it got overrated just like a knight's single hand sword in many artistic stories.
4. +Charging at an enemy in a chaotic mob.+ No, formation is very important for nomads, horse crashing into each other is just like car crashes, if nomads don't have nicely aligned formations, they will die by crashing and trampling each other before even joining the fight. The enemy don't even have to kill them because they will die in cahorse accidents anyways.
5. +Naked ancient warriors...+ No, just no... Too much Conan the Barbarian... Nomadic people do not wear armour only when they lack armour, if they are rich enough to get the expensive metals required to make armour, they will wear armour. Look, people are not stupid, they will know how to live.
6. +Fighting and killing all day, a wedding without 3 deaths is not successful.+ No, god hell no... This is soooooooo stereotypical, it almost becomes funny. Nomadic barbarians don't kill each other for fun, if they keep doing that, they will be 100% extinct within 2 generations of people.
7. +Does not care about the economy, they don't even trade much.+ No, trading is the most important economic activity done by nomadic people, if it is not the most important when grazing is more important sometimes, then it is still the second important thing they do beside grazing. Nomadic people who don't develop industries to make metal from ore heavily rely on trading with settled people to get iron. If they don't trade, they will still be living in the stone age.
8. +They live by eating horse meat.+ No, they will be out of horses very quickly and die because of starvation, nomads survive by long term economical management of animal by products, usually by drinking milk and eating cheese. Meat is a very rare thing for horse nomads. Horse (and other domestic animals) raising Nomads are shepherds, not hunters. But I guess this horse eating thing also came from the stereotype of American Indigenous people like Comanche or Ute(Utah) nations, they are not really a typical example of horse riding nomads, because they were hunter-gatherers with no horses for most of the times, they never had horse in their ancient traditions, horse went extinct long time ago in North America, they only started to ride horse very quickly when horses was reintroduced to North America by colonists which is a fairly recent early modern thing. In simple words: Those nomads who eat meat do not eat the meat of their own animals, they hunt wild animals because the speed of eating is way faster than the speed of raising more domestic animals by themselves. Those nomads who actually raise horses do not eat them because they are expensive and important tools. You are not going to sell your car just in exchange for 1 week of food right?
9. +Robbing, raiding and looting all the day.+ No, raiding is more of a seasonal thing, it is a "emergency back-up option" for nomads(also Viking activity for Skandenavians), they usually do that when they are having an economic crisis going on in their society, their trading business is not going well or their domestic animals accidentally died, so they need to raid for food and supplies.
10. +Does not care about family, only follow the strongest.+ No, 180 degree reverse level of NO. Importance of family/clan is a very crucial thing within a nomadic lifestyle.