What are good thing to write for your status
TipOfMyFork
2020.01.08 21:59 Ravdk TipOfMyFork
Want to know what your food is called? Are you searching for the name of that delicious snack from the nineties? What ingredient did your grandma use in her special recipe? Find your food and drinks by asking the community! Please keep in mind this is only for identifying food you like. Mold, Rot, Defects, Mistakes, Safety questions, and food you dislike are for the rest of Reddit.
2012.11.13 02:00 SinAndInk Draw My Tattoo (A Hobby-Only Community to Share Tattoo Ideas and Drawings, no Paid Offers Allowed)
Welcome to DrawMyTattoo! This is a community for tattoo design enthusiasts to share their tattoos, inspiration, designs, and requests so that they can plan their next tattoo. This is NOT a subreddit for finalised tattoo designs, it is only to get ideas and rough drawings to help envision what you might want. A licensed tattoo artist is the only person who should be designing your tattoo. DrawMyTattoo is only here to help you make plans, not finish them. No requesting to be paid.
2010.09.16 19:12 Soesoe /r/podcasting: Podcast News and Discussion for Podcasters and Their Podcasts
For people who make podcasts. Topics include podcasting news, how to guides, gear, marketing, and anything related to podcasters. Please refrain from posting self-promotion and promotions for products and services except in designated areas or by moderator approval.
2024.05.21 15:08 SnooPickles9717 Stepping away from the movement
Hey guys,
I hope youre all well, I am just writing to say that I am stepping away from this movement and sub. It has become something I no longer feel comfortable supporting. I created this sub with a vision in mind to take back canada from the policies that are causing housing to become unaffordable, the policies making fruit platters 45$, the policies that are causing wage stagnation, etc. Im well aware that mass unchecked immigration is a major contributor as it puts unnecessary demand on our very limited infrastructure, yet the goal was always to unite everyone in canada against cost of living, which is an issue plaguing us all.
The sub has since become essentially a carbon copy of canadahousing2. People complaining that comments they would never say in front of their employer for example are getting removed and people are calling it “censorship”. People are comparing this movement to the convoy and other covid movements, people are making hateful claims against the indigenous people and it’s basically become purely centred around mass immigration, to the point that some people want zero immigrants at all, even responsible ones. Ive seen quite a few “white people only in canada” comments and that is far too extreme for me to be comfortable with.
All this being said, the movement has taken a direction myself and a couple of others have expressed discomfort in being associated with and the accusations against this group, which were once unfounded, are beginning to have some truth behind them.
I will most likely be creating a newer, cleaner and more professional group centered around purely finding ways to cut down the cost of living. There WILL be a lot of censorship on this new one so as to keep the mission on track and relating to what we want it to be about. I dont want to take away anyone’s confidence in this movement as I believe all the mods are good people with good intentions who can steer this in the right direction. I just cannot be part of it anymore.
Thanks for all of your support, snoo out!✌️
submitted by SnooPickles9717 to takebackcanada [link] [comments]
I hope youre all well, I am just writing to say that I am stepping away from this movement and sub. It has become something I no longer feel comfortable supporting. I created this sub with a vision in mind to take back canada from the policies that are causing housing to become unaffordable, the policies making fruit platters 45$, the policies that are causing wage stagnation, etc. Im well aware that mass unchecked immigration is a major contributor as it puts unnecessary demand on our very limited infrastructure, yet the goal was always to unite everyone in canada against cost of living, which is an issue plaguing us all.
The sub has since become essentially a carbon copy of canadahousing2. People complaining that comments they would never say in front of their employer for example are getting removed and people are calling it “censorship”. People are comparing this movement to the convoy and other covid movements, people are making hateful claims against the indigenous people and it’s basically become purely centred around mass immigration, to the point that some people want zero immigrants at all, even responsible ones. Ive seen quite a few “white people only in canada” comments and that is far too extreme for me to be comfortable with.
All this being said, the movement has taken a direction myself and a couple of others have expressed discomfort in being associated with and the accusations against this group, which were once unfounded, are beginning to have some truth behind them.
I will most likely be creating a newer, cleaner and more professional group centered around purely finding ways to cut down the cost of living. There WILL be a lot of censorship on this new one so as to keep the mission on track and relating to what we want it to be about. I dont want to take away anyone’s confidence in this movement as I believe all the mods are good people with good intentions who can steer this in the right direction. I just cannot be part of it anymore.
Thanks for all of your support, snoo out!✌️
2024.05.21 15:06 sockmunkie22 [UPDATE 2] AITJ for cutting my SIL out of my life, even if it upsets the family norms?
Original Post: https://www.reddit.com/AmITheJerk/comments/1csum48/aitj_for_cutting_my_sil_out_of_my_life_even_if_it/
Update 1: https://www.reddit.com/AmITheJerk/comments/1cu5yfv/update_1_aitj_for_cutting_my_sil_out_of_my_life/
So as ya'll know, Myself, Fern and Tom had planned some Mother's Day gifts for MIL. I gotta admit, I was worried that Margaret would show up and ruin the whole thing, but it was actually a surprisingly good day- mostly because she wasn't there, which was the OBVIOUS elephant in the room the whole time. Tom worked the grill for a while and we had MIL open the gifts I had planned - it was a small pirate chest filled with letters from Myself, Fern, and Tom telling her how wonderful of a mother she was (I had aged them and weathered them to look waterlogged and like they'd been around for a long time). I made her a boondoggle that said "number one mom" that had our names dangling from it. She opened the collage...the whole thing left her in happy tears, which was nice but also sad at the same time. She said "OP, you're such a shit for making me cry" then gave me a big hug. MIL started to talk about it all ("It's been really rough and I've been having a really hard time"), but it was cut off by the men fussing over the grill. I made the rest of lunch and we had a really, really good time for the most part.
I clocked FIL's behavior in Margaret's absence. He wandered off into the yard and stood by himself for extended periods of time, staring at the ground in silence. I registered it as pain- I'm not gonna lie, it was PALPABLE how much easier and fun and quiet the afternoon was with Margaret being intentionally excluded. I could tell that MIL really needed to talk about what was going on, especially since she was being absolutely flooded with love (in stark contrast to what she's been receiving from Margaret). I approached her towards the end of the evening- she revealed to me what she had put in the letter. Essentially, it reads something like this.
"dear Margaret- I am sorry that we are having such a hard time seeing eye to eye. I have had my conflicts with Fern and Tom in the past that we have been able to resolve; Since you do not wish to speak to me directly, I am hoping that we can communicate this way to see each other more clearly. I think youre upset with me because I married your dad- but I am not sure because you will not tell me what is wrong. I want to make peace with you, but I cannot do that with you so blatantly disrespecting me. I feel like I deserve an apology- I feel used by you, especially since I signed your lease for you when you asked right before this happened. Please write me back so we can resolve this, I love you."
Apparently, MIL had FIL read it before she sent it- this looks like a last ditch effort to rectify the tension, but I'm not sure what the outcome will be because we ALL know that Margaret is going to freak the fuck out the second she reads it. Margaret can't handle any blame and has no sense of accountability. We can all see it coming- so definitely expect an update on that.
On the ride home I absolutely fell apart. It made me so sad that she has had to go to these lengths to remedy a situation that she didn't cause in the first place. I was also very, very angry at FIL and basically the whole family for letting this go on for as long as it has.. I ended up confronting Tom about this again. I told him that there are 600 strangers on reddit calling him and his whole family spineless, and that I have found myself defending them because I know otherwise, but that in this situation those 600 strangers are absolutely right. I said that I know his dad is human, but that they are all a bunch of cowards for the "fend for yourself, just let it go" attitude they have when it comes to each of them being so wildly abused and disrespected AS A FAMILY. Fern deserves better than to have a sister that has told ME that "the reason Fern got SA'd as a kid is because h"e put himself out there like that" (excuse me?). Cory deserves better than a wife who threatens to call the cops on him for not making her dinner (huh?) . Tom deserves a better sister than one who has called me to tell me "He's a creep and I bet he's done things to little girls before" (no idea where that one came from). MIL deserves better than someone who asks her for money and favors only to turn around and rip her to shreds (the entitlement?). And FIL deserves better than to have such little self esteem that he'd rather watch his family disintegrate rather than cut out the cancer.
Yeah, I was heated. Margaret makes shit up, takes things out of context, and regularly demonstrates that she genuinely feels the world is out to get her and that everyone else is the problem. I did not let up.
Tom listened very patiently- we exchanged a lot of words and the conversation took over an hour, the end result being "My dad is nearing approachable about this subject. Today showed him the kind of life we can have without her; you definitely launched a psychological bomb at him with how well you planned the day and how much you showed MIL that she's worth something. He's struggling, but I promise that I'll talk to him about it soon. We talk 3 times a week, he knows its coming."
The last statement I made was "I am not an 'on the fence' person. I'm the only one who has outright picked a side- and it's not Margaret's because I refuse to enable this insanity anymore. It's wrong, and you guys are wrong for coddling a grown woman's hurt ego knowing that its harming literally EVERYONE else in the family. Pick a side, and be done with it. I refuse to let MIL go this alone."
We will see how much longer the circus goes on. I anticipate the events that happened this weekend leading to the biggest blow up that Margaret has had yet- the shady online posts have already started (per Tom, who has found it amusing and low of her). It's about to get a lot crazier when this letter hits, and even worse when she eventually visits FIL and sees a giant collage with all the kids except for her.
There's SO many of you that have said that you are emotionally invested in my story- I'll continue to update so we all get the closure we need. Thanks for all the support (and trash talking, I've gotten quite a few LOLs out of the comments).
Stay tuned I guess!
submitted by sockmunkie22 to AmITheJerk [link] [comments]
Update 1: https://www.reddit.com/AmITheJerk/comments/1cu5yfv/update_1_aitj_for_cutting_my_sil_out_of_my_life/
So as ya'll know, Myself, Fern and Tom had planned some Mother's Day gifts for MIL. I gotta admit, I was worried that Margaret would show up and ruin the whole thing, but it was actually a surprisingly good day- mostly because she wasn't there, which was the OBVIOUS elephant in the room the whole time. Tom worked the grill for a while and we had MIL open the gifts I had planned - it was a small pirate chest filled with letters from Myself, Fern, and Tom telling her how wonderful of a mother she was (I had aged them and weathered them to look waterlogged and like they'd been around for a long time). I made her a boondoggle that said "number one mom" that had our names dangling from it. She opened the collage...the whole thing left her in happy tears, which was nice but also sad at the same time. She said "OP, you're such a shit for making me cry" then gave me a big hug. MIL started to talk about it all ("It's been really rough and I've been having a really hard time"), but it was cut off by the men fussing over the grill. I made the rest of lunch and we had a really, really good time for the most part.
I clocked FIL's behavior in Margaret's absence. He wandered off into the yard and stood by himself for extended periods of time, staring at the ground in silence. I registered it as pain- I'm not gonna lie, it was PALPABLE how much easier and fun and quiet the afternoon was with Margaret being intentionally excluded. I could tell that MIL really needed to talk about what was going on, especially since she was being absolutely flooded with love (in stark contrast to what she's been receiving from Margaret). I approached her towards the end of the evening- she revealed to me what she had put in the letter. Essentially, it reads something like this.
"dear Margaret- I am sorry that we are having such a hard time seeing eye to eye. I have had my conflicts with Fern and Tom in the past that we have been able to resolve; Since you do not wish to speak to me directly, I am hoping that we can communicate this way to see each other more clearly. I think youre upset with me because I married your dad- but I am not sure because you will not tell me what is wrong. I want to make peace with you, but I cannot do that with you so blatantly disrespecting me. I feel like I deserve an apology- I feel used by you, especially since I signed your lease for you when you asked right before this happened. Please write me back so we can resolve this, I love you."
Apparently, MIL had FIL read it before she sent it- this looks like a last ditch effort to rectify the tension, but I'm not sure what the outcome will be because we ALL know that Margaret is going to freak the fuck out the second she reads it. Margaret can't handle any blame and has no sense of accountability. We can all see it coming- so definitely expect an update on that.
On the ride home I absolutely fell apart. It made me so sad that she has had to go to these lengths to remedy a situation that she didn't cause in the first place. I was also very, very angry at FIL and basically the whole family for letting this go on for as long as it has.. I ended up confronting Tom about this again. I told him that there are 600 strangers on reddit calling him and his whole family spineless, and that I have found myself defending them because I know otherwise, but that in this situation those 600 strangers are absolutely right. I said that I know his dad is human, but that they are all a bunch of cowards for the "fend for yourself, just let it go" attitude they have when it comes to each of them being so wildly abused and disrespected AS A FAMILY. Fern deserves better than to have a sister that has told ME that "the reason Fern got SA'd as a kid is because h"e put himself out there like that" (excuse me?). Cory deserves better than a wife who threatens to call the cops on him for not making her dinner (huh?) . Tom deserves a better sister than one who has called me to tell me "He's a creep and I bet he's done things to little girls before" (no idea where that one came from). MIL deserves better than someone who asks her for money and favors only to turn around and rip her to shreds (the entitlement?). And FIL deserves better than to have such little self esteem that he'd rather watch his family disintegrate rather than cut out the cancer.
Yeah, I was heated. Margaret makes shit up, takes things out of context, and regularly demonstrates that she genuinely feels the world is out to get her and that everyone else is the problem. I did not let up.
Tom listened very patiently- we exchanged a lot of words and the conversation took over an hour, the end result being "My dad is nearing approachable about this subject. Today showed him the kind of life we can have without her; you definitely launched a psychological bomb at him with how well you planned the day and how much you showed MIL that she's worth something. He's struggling, but I promise that I'll talk to him about it soon. We talk 3 times a week, he knows its coming."
The last statement I made was "I am not an 'on the fence' person. I'm the only one who has outright picked a side- and it's not Margaret's because I refuse to enable this insanity anymore. It's wrong, and you guys are wrong for coddling a grown woman's hurt ego knowing that its harming literally EVERYONE else in the family. Pick a side, and be done with it. I refuse to let MIL go this alone."
We will see how much longer the circus goes on. I anticipate the events that happened this weekend leading to the biggest blow up that Margaret has had yet- the shady online posts have already started (per Tom, who has found it amusing and low of her). It's about to get a lot crazier when this letter hits, and even worse when she eventually visits FIL and sees a giant collage with all the kids except for her.
There's SO many of you that have said that you are emotionally invested in my story- I'll continue to update so we all get the closure we need. Thanks for all the support (and trash talking, I've gotten quite a few LOLs out of the comments).
Stay tuned I guess!
2024.05.21 15:05 sinkintins Sponsor Night
Hey everyone, I've just returned home from the player sponsor trivia night as representative for our adopted child, Josh Weddle. Apologies in advance as I had no idea what to expect, the comms seemed to indicate there was limited contact but the players literally sat and ate with us the whole time. Otherwise I would've banked up some questions from you all, although I did my best to ask about all sorts of things.
As for how the night went down, I literally had no idea what to expect. Walking into Glenferrie Hotel, we took our name tags and walked to our table only to walk in on virtually the whole team hanging around. The staff had us leave that area for a little bit whilst they got prepared, and whilst enjoying a nice frothie, in walks Sic, Hardwick and Watson. We gave each other the nod as they entered.
When we were allowed to go to our table, we took our seats, when a voice from behind asked us: "how are you guys going tonight?" by none other than Luke Breust. We had a good chat for 15 minutes, I congratulated him on his newborn and he told me about how he was finding fatherhood (all going great). Another person from the table started speaking to Breusty, but that's when our lord and saviour and adopted child Josh Weddle arrived. First things first, Josh Weddle is an absolute legend and we couldn't have had a more perfect player to sponsor. He was super genuine and actively engaged in conversation with the table the whole time.
I let him know how much we at /hawktalk love him and are impressed by him. I also told him he's never allowed to leave the hawks and that I'll glue him to Dingley if I have to. Weddle gave off some great vibes about how much he enjoys being at Hawthorn, so I don't think we have anything to worry about there. I also learned an interesting fact that he was originally a North supporter growing up, which shocked me as I had read he was always Hawks. He said he saw the Hawks link reported on, but wasn't sure where that came from haha.
We spoke about our heartbreaking loss, and I framed a question around whether we planned to go defensive like we did, or whether the game just went that way for us. He couldn't say much, but indicated that the team felt comfortable with the lead and just happened to fall into a defensive mindset. He also didn't appreciate the tag he received for 3 quarters haha. He also was really keen on the fact we were only a couple of wins away from the top 8. I told him I thought we played fantastic regardless of the result, and that at least this happened in a bit of a nothing H&A game rather than say a 3 point win in a prelim leading to a grand final cough cough 2014 ;) we still have that over them hahahah
We also spoke about his interests, hobbies, etc.
I was able to have another chat with Breusty, I spoke with him about his future post-AFL life and how clubs work with players to prepare them for post-AFL life.
Half way in, none other than our senior coach Sammy Mitchell made an appearance and came by every table to have a quick chat. Unfortunately I only was able to have a quick handshake and told him I love what he's done for the team. Was hoping to catch him again before he left, but sadly missed him.
Over the night I got to have quick chats with Nick Watson (told him I loved his energy on field), CJ (told him I missed him and glad he's back in the side, also to get his brother traded to us lol), Sam Frost (spoke a bit about the upcoming Brissie game and how great he's been, said he can probably leave Daniher on his own since Joe will probs kick it on the full anyway which he had a laugh about), Ethan Phillips (told him he had an awesome debut), James Blanck (told him he's going to have to fight Phillips now haha), DGB (said he sounds like he has a wrestler name, which he said he gets the same comments from the team lol), Sic (wouldn't confirm about his shoulder :( was hoping to get the inside scoop there haha reckon he got asked by everyone in the bar haha also told him to smash Charlie Cameron for us, he had a good laugh and said that'll likely be Hardwick's job haha), Cam McKenzie (told him he's been excellent), Bailey McKenzie (unfortunately only had a quick hello and hand shake), Impey (told him he's been great and I hope we get the win for him as captain), Gunner (god love him, said glad he's back at the hawks).
Finally, got to have a photo with Weddle and a whole bunch of signatures on a #23 guernsey.
All in all I had an absolute ripper night, had great interactions with majority of the team. Breust and Weddle were amazing, I wish I could've had more time with them since they were so down to earth and happy to chat. I highly recommend for anyone who thought about going, to get involved next time.
Anyone with any questions, I talked a lot that I can't fully capture in this post without writing a novel. So feel free to ask and I'll answer what I can :)
submitted by sinkintins to hawktalk [link] [comments]
As for how the night went down, I literally had no idea what to expect. Walking into Glenferrie Hotel, we took our name tags and walked to our table only to walk in on virtually the whole team hanging around. The staff had us leave that area for a little bit whilst they got prepared, and whilst enjoying a nice frothie, in walks Sic, Hardwick and Watson. We gave each other the nod as they entered.
When we were allowed to go to our table, we took our seats, when a voice from behind asked us: "how are you guys going tonight?" by none other than Luke Breust. We had a good chat for 15 minutes, I congratulated him on his newborn and he told me about how he was finding fatherhood (all going great). Another person from the table started speaking to Breusty, but that's when our lord and saviour and adopted child Josh Weddle arrived. First things first, Josh Weddle is an absolute legend and we couldn't have had a more perfect player to sponsor. He was super genuine and actively engaged in conversation with the table the whole time.
I let him know how much we at /hawktalk love him and are impressed by him. I also told him he's never allowed to leave the hawks and that I'll glue him to Dingley if I have to. Weddle gave off some great vibes about how much he enjoys being at Hawthorn, so I don't think we have anything to worry about there. I also learned an interesting fact that he was originally a North supporter growing up, which shocked me as I had read he was always Hawks. He said he saw the Hawks link reported on, but wasn't sure where that came from haha.
We spoke about our heartbreaking loss, and I framed a question around whether we planned to go defensive like we did, or whether the game just went that way for us. He couldn't say much, but indicated that the team felt comfortable with the lead and just happened to fall into a defensive mindset. He also didn't appreciate the tag he received for 3 quarters haha. He also was really keen on the fact we were only a couple of wins away from the top 8. I told him I thought we played fantastic regardless of the result, and that at least this happened in a bit of a nothing H&A game rather than say a 3 point win in a prelim leading to a grand final cough cough 2014 ;) we still have that over them hahahah
We also spoke about his interests, hobbies, etc.
I was able to have another chat with Breusty, I spoke with him about his future post-AFL life and how clubs work with players to prepare them for post-AFL life.
Half way in, none other than our senior coach Sammy Mitchell made an appearance and came by every table to have a quick chat. Unfortunately I only was able to have a quick handshake and told him I love what he's done for the team. Was hoping to catch him again before he left, but sadly missed him.
Over the night I got to have quick chats with Nick Watson (told him I loved his energy on field), CJ (told him I missed him and glad he's back in the side, also to get his brother traded to us lol), Sam Frost (spoke a bit about the upcoming Brissie game and how great he's been, said he can probably leave Daniher on his own since Joe will probs kick it on the full anyway which he had a laugh about), Ethan Phillips (told him he had an awesome debut), James Blanck (told him he's going to have to fight Phillips now haha), DGB (said he sounds like he has a wrestler name, which he said he gets the same comments from the team lol), Sic (wouldn't confirm about his shoulder :( was hoping to get the inside scoop there haha reckon he got asked by everyone in the bar haha also told him to smash Charlie Cameron for us, he had a good laugh and said that'll likely be Hardwick's job haha), Cam McKenzie (told him he's been excellent), Bailey McKenzie (unfortunately only had a quick hello and hand shake), Impey (told him he's been great and I hope we get the win for him as captain), Gunner (god love him, said glad he's back at the hawks).
Finally, got to have a photo with Weddle and a whole bunch of signatures on a #23 guernsey.
All in all I had an absolute ripper night, had great interactions with majority of the team. Breust and Weddle were amazing, I wish I could've had more time with them since they were so down to earth and happy to chat. I highly recommend for anyone who thought about going, to get involved next time.
Anyone with any questions, I talked a lot that I can't fully capture in this post without writing a novel. So feel free to ask and I'll answer what I can :)
2024.05.21 15:04 RLLRRR "Asuka & Shinji's Infinite Playlist" Chapter 24: One Without a Permanent Scar
And it was a long time coming...
I can't tell you how sorry I am for the delay. I never wanted Chapter 23 to feel like the end (though it did, just kind of anticlimactic, ya know?). I had some personal things come up in my life that just wouldn't allow me to write this as I wanted to. I felt it deserved a better resolution than I was giving it.
So, about two months ago, I scrapped nearly everything I wrote (which wasn't much and was very disjointed and was needlessly difficult) in favor of the original them of this story: Wholesome Ass Fan Fiction. (That's what WAFF means, right?)
While not 100% certain I did the story justice after a half year of being away, I feel much better about this than I did the previous iteration. And I hope you all love it, too.
Please enjoy part 1 of the 3-part conclusion to my story. I love you all more than you'll ever know.
Read the story on FanFiction.net and Archive of Our Own.
Also, please take special note of the fantastic work done by MRA-Artworks for me. So glad to have commissioned him for it. Design was my wife's idea, but he made it happen! LINK
Also, if you're enjoying the A&SIP "universe", please take some time and check out my one-shots, "The Infinite Playlist". These are some songs and story ideas that didn't quite fit into the A&SIP story, but I still wanted to write out. I hope you enjoy them!
FF.net and AO3
submitted by RLLRRR to wholesomevangelion [link] [comments]
I can't tell you how sorry I am for the delay. I never wanted Chapter 23 to feel like the end (though it did, just kind of anticlimactic, ya know?). I had some personal things come up in my life that just wouldn't allow me to write this as I wanted to. I felt it deserved a better resolution than I was giving it.
So, about two months ago, I scrapped nearly everything I wrote (which wasn't much and was very disjointed and was needlessly difficult) in favor of the original them of this story: Wholesome Ass Fan Fiction. (That's what WAFF means, right?)
While not 100% certain I did the story justice after a half year of being away, I feel much better about this than I did the previous iteration. And I hope you all love it, too.
Please enjoy part 1 of the 3-part conclusion to my story. I love you all more than you'll ever know.
Picking up at a fateful encounter with a fiery foreign stranger, Shinji Ikari finds himself feeling the strangest sense of familiarity to the beautiful redhead. Everything appeared normal before that meeting, but now only his SDAT player holds the key to unlock the secret melodies of their shared past.Follow the playlist on Spotify
Read the story on FanFiction.net and Archive of Our Own.
Also, please take special note of the fantastic work done by MRA-Artworks for me. So glad to have commissioned him for it. Design was my wife's idea, but he made it happen! LINK
FF.net and AO3
2024.05.21 15:04 RLLRRR "Asuka & Shinji's Infinite Playlist" Chapter 24: One Without a Permanent Scar
And it was a long time coming...
I can't tell you how sorry I am for the delay. I never wanted Chapter 23 to feel like the end (though it did, just kind of anticlimactic, ya know?). I had some personal things come up in my life that just wouldn't allow me to write this as I wanted to. I felt it deserved a better resolution than I was giving it.
So, about two months ago, I scrapped nearly everything I wrote (which wasn't much and was very disjointed and was needlessly difficult) in favor of the original them of this story: Wholesome Ass Fan Fiction. (That's what WAFF means, right?)
While not 100% certain I did the story justice after a half year of being away, I feel much better about this than I did the previous iteration. And I hope you all love it, too.
Please enjoy part 1 of the 3-part conclusion to my story. I love you all more than you'll ever know.
Read the story on FanFiction.net and Archive of Our Own.
Also, please take special note of the fantastic work done by u/MRA-Artworks for me. So glad to have commissioned him for it. Design was my wife's idea, but he made it happen! LINK
Also, if you're enjoying the A&SIP "universe", please take some time and check out my one-shots, "The Infinite Playlist". These are some songs and story ideas that didn't quite fit into the A&SIP story, but I still wanted to write out. I hope you enjoy them!
FF.net and AO3
submitted by RLLRRR to asushin [link] [comments]
I can't tell you how sorry I am for the delay. I never wanted Chapter 23 to feel like the end (though it did, just kind of anticlimactic, ya know?). I had some personal things come up in my life that just wouldn't allow me to write this as I wanted to. I felt it deserved a better resolution than I was giving it.
So, about two months ago, I scrapped nearly everything I wrote (which wasn't much and was very disjointed and was needlessly difficult) in favor of the original them of this story: Wholesome Ass Fan Fiction. (That's what WAFF means, right?)
While not 100% certain I did the story justice after a half year of being away, I feel much better about this than I did the previous iteration. And I hope you all love it, too.
Please enjoy part 1 of the 3-part conclusion to my story. I love you all more than you'll ever know.
Picking up at a fateful encounter with a fiery foreign stranger, Shinji Ikari finds himself feeling the strangest sense of familiarity to the beautiful redhead. Everything appeared normal before that meeting, but now only his SDAT player holds the key to unlock the secret melodies of their shared past.Follow the playlist on Spotify
Read the story on FanFiction.net and Archive of Our Own.
Also, please take special note of the fantastic work done by u/MRA-Artworks for me. So glad to have commissioned him for it. Design was my wife's idea, but he made it happen! LINK
Also, if you're enjoying the A&SIP "universe", please take some time and check out my one-shots, "The Infinite Playlist". These are some songs and story ideas that didn't quite fit into the A&SIP story, but I still wanted to write out. I hope you enjoy them!
FF.net and AO3
2024.05.21 15:03 tinymousebigdreams An ode to Cormac McLaggen, punching bag of the Dramione fandom
Cormac McLaggen, you good for nothing. You villain. You swine.
You exist to make Draco unnecessarily jealous. You exist to remind Hermione that she needs a man of substance. You exist to make Draco—and anyone else, really—look like a God by comparison. In the entire scope of fandom, virtually every character had gotten a redemption at some point…except you! You are, unanimously, the worst.
The thing is, you being the worst is canon. All we know about you is that you’re a nepo baby, you ate a bunch of doxy eggs like a fucking idiot, and you like to get handsy when no one asked for it. You fought with the good guys in the Battle of Hogwarts but nobody cares because that’s how big of a degenerate you are. You winked into existence the worst and now you carry on, a plot device for low-stakes drama, because no one actually sees you as a threat. The brunt of all jokes with your silly name (seriously? McLaggen? “Lagging behind every other male character” is in your name), you stroll onto the scene like a walking headache.
Whenever I see your name crop up in a story, I know you’re going to be in for it and I won’t even feel bad because you probably deserve it. Men despise you. Women think you’re a skeeze. Do you even exist when you’re not antagonizing our main characters in some way?
Cormac McLaggen, you suck! But I wonder what it’s like to be in your head.
submitted by tinymousebigdreams to Dramione [link] [comments]
You exist to make Draco unnecessarily jealous. You exist to remind Hermione that she needs a man of substance. You exist to make Draco—and anyone else, really—look like a God by comparison. In the entire scope of fandom, virtually every character had gotten a redemption at some point…except you! You are, unanimously, the worst.
The thing is, you being the worst is canon. All we know about you is that you’re a nepo baby, you ate a bunch of doxy eggs like a fucking idiot, and you like to get handsy when no one asked for it. You fought with the good guys in the Battle of Hogwarts but nobody cares because that’s how big of a degenerate you are. You winked into existence the worst and now you carry on, a plot device for low-stakes drama, because no one actually sees you as a threat. The brunt of all jokes with your silly name (seriously? McLaggen? “Lagging behind every other male character” is in your name), you stroll onto the scene like a walking headache.
Whenever I see your name crop up in a story, I know you’re going to be in for it and I won’t even feel bad because you probably deserve it. Men despise you. Women think you’re a skeeze. Do you even exist when you’re not antagonizing our main characters in some way?
Cormac McLaggen, you suck! But I wonder what it’s like to be in your head.
2024.05.21 15:02 Spare_Apartment_3241 Help me get out of this story
Hi everyone. Sorry for the bad english
I am a 24 year old boy.
A few months ago I started to develop a very strong relationship with a 22 year old friend of mine(F).
I have already known her for 2 years as she is part of the company I frequent but for 5 months now she has started writing to me, we talk every day from morning to late evening(2:00/3:00 am), we do things together, we talk a lot and we even go out alone, only I and her. without the company that we frequent-
The problem comes from the fact that she is engaged with a boy from the company (3 years of relationship) and the problem has arisen several times that she says she feels she is doing her boyfriend a disservice by behaving like this with me. Because if her boyfriend did this to another girl she would go crazy.
I bought a house and from the moment she found out she started saying that she wanted to help me with the furniture, with the design of the house, that she would come to visit me several times, to watch movies, play games and spend time with me. Just me and her.(the house will be avaiable at July)
She has always sent me ambiguous signals, ambiguous phrases, ambiguous ways of acting. She made a jealous scene at me because she thought I liked another girl
In any case we continued with this relationship. 1 month ago she went on holiday for a week with her boyfriend and although she said she wanted to detach herself from our relationship(being that we write or call each other every day from morning to night), she didn't and in fact she continued to write to me while she was with her boyfriend on the other side of the world.
when she came back, we saw each other and in the evening everything was fine. When she returned home she wrote to me telling me that she felt guilty towards her boyfriend, because she hadn't told him that she and I saw each other that evening. I tried to understand if she was interested in me because she always says that she knows the best solution would be to reduce the frequency with which we talk but she can't do it (she doesn't know why she can't).
Consequently I thought that maybe she might like me, I tried to get him to bring up the subject but nothing. She said she knew very well what she should do (move away and gain some distance) but that she couldn't do it.
We went to sleep as it was late and the next day she wrote to me telling me that there were some things I wasn't telling her, after which she asked me if I likes her. I replied that I have an interest in her, bad response. He started saying that it wasn't okay, that it was better to stop talking to each other. So I took courage and asked her if she likes me.
And she responded with a curt "No, I thought you understood."
After that I managed to make her understand that mine is just an interest and that I don't like her that much. (It's not too true, cause i like her)
So for now I have saved this friendship relationship that we have, but I realize that the thought of this hurts me, I don't understand if it's true that she doesn't like me or if she doesn't even know exactly. If she is afraid of leaving her boyfriend or no.
I don't think you would write to someone on the other side of the world every day, while you're on holiday with your boyfriend if there wasn't some kind of interest, but from what she says, she doesn't like me and in fact she told me that if If I had told her that I like her, she would have ended the relationship we have, because it wouldn't be fair to her, her bf and also to me.
Now I find myself not knowing what to do. I don't think I could go back to how we were at the beginning, going out in the company with the others, her and her boyfriend. Pretending nothing happened. But at the same time I understand that this situation is difficult for her because she can't tell her boyfriend and this ruin our relationship, because she puts her doubts on me.
TL;DR Do you have any advice? she really doesn't like me? Because the signals it sends are very ambiguous and strange. even my friends all thought she liked me.
And now I find myself at a crossroads where the easiest but most painful thing seems to be to break off this unhealthy relationship.
submitted by Spare_Apartment_3241 to relationships [link] [comments]
I am a 24 year old boy.
A few months ago I started to develop a very strong relationship with a 22 year old friend of mine(F).
I have already known her for 2 years as she is part of the company I frequent but for 5 months now she has started writing to me, we talk every day from morning to late evening(2:00/3:00 am), we do things together, we talk a lot and we even go out alone, only I and her. without the company that we frequent-
The problem comes from the fact that she is engaged with a boy from the company (3 years of relationship) and the problem has arisen several times that she says she feels she is doing her boyfriend a disservice by behaving like this with me. Because if her boyfriend did this to another girl she would go crazy.
I bought a house and from the moment she found out she started saying that she wanted to help me with the furniture, with the design of the house, that she would come to visit me several times, to watch movies, play games and spend time with me. Just me and her.(the house will be avaiable at July)
She has always sent me ambiguous signals, ambiguous phrases, ambiguous ways of acting. She made a jealous scene at me because she thought I liked another girl
In any case we continued with this relationship. 1 month ago she went on holiday for a week with her boyfriend and although she said she wanted to detach herself from our relationship(being that we write or call each other every day from morning to night), she didn't and in fact she continued to write to me while she was with her boyfriend on the other side of the world.
when she came back, we saw each other and in the evening everything was fine. When she returned home she wrote to me telling me that she felt guilty towards her boyfriend, because she hadn't told him that she and I saw each other that evening. I tried to understand if she was interested in me because she always says that she knows the best solution would be to reduce the frequency with which we talk but she can't do it (she doesn't know why she can't).
Consequently I thought that maybe she might like me, I tried to get him to bring up the subject but nothing. She said she knew very well what she should do (move away and gain some distance) but that she couldn't do it.
We went to sleep as it was late and the next day she wrote to me telling me that there were some things I wasn't telling her, after which she asked me if I likes her. I replied that I have an interest in her, bad response. He started saying that it wasn't okay, that it was better to stop talking to each other. So I took courage and asked her if she likes me.
And she responded with a curt "No, I thought you understood."
After that I managed to make her understand that mine is just an interest and that I don't like her that much. (It's not too true, cause i like her)
So for now I have saved this friendship relationship that we have, but I realize that the thought of this hurts me, I don't understand if it's true that she doesn't like me or if she doesn't even know exactly. If she is afraid of leaving her boyfriend or no.
I don't think you would write to someone on the other side of the world every day, while you're on holiday with your boyfriend if there wasn't some kind of interest, but from what she says, she doesn't like me and in fact she told me that if If I had told her that I like her, she would have ended the relationship we have, because it wouldn't be fair to her, her bf and also to me.
Now I find myself not knowing what to do. I don't think I could go back to how we were at the beginning, going out in the company with the others, her and her boyfriend. Pretending nothing happened. But at the same time I understand that this situation is difficult for her because she can't tell her boyfriend and this ruin our relationship, because she puts her doubts on me.
TL;DR Do you have any advice? she really doesn't like me? Because the signals it sends are very ambiguous and strange. even my friends all thought she liked me.
And now I find myself at a crossroads where the easiest but most painful thing seems to be to break off this unhealthy relationship.
2024.05.21 15:02 Yphi-Zirconium Realism of the Rotten Vale : Can Big Snek make Laif ?
Check here for all images : https://imgur.com/a/m0JiXr8
[This is part of a larger video project on the geological past of Monster Hunter World]
Hello everyone from whichever subreddit I might post this in. I was working on a future video project for Monster Hunter World, and wanted to post some of my findings here, because, hey, it’s actually pretty interesting imo.
Those findings are specifically about the Coral Highlands and the Rotten Vale and whether the death of a giant fucking Dalamadur could trigger the flourishing of an ecosystem like the Coral Highlands
So, without further ado, let’s start !
My objective was to calculate the mass of the giant dalamadur in the Rotten Vale, figure out what’s the average decomposition speed of most animals, and then just multiply both to figure out how long it would’ve taken for the Rotten Vale’s Dalamadur to decompose.
From there on you try to figure out 2 things :
Ill link my spreadsheet later this day, but basically I got a mass of about 342 Million Metric Ton ( fig.1 : https://imgur.com/a/8euzNul ), which is fucking insane. I don’t have anything to compare it immediately but it’s just, unimaginably heavy.
Next, Decomposition
When I was researching this subject, I discovered Whale Falls, which are basically the formation of little ecosystem around a whale carcass, which is EXACTLY what I needed. Whale Falls happen in 3 stages, the first one being the decomposition of soft tissue, the second being the colonization of the bones by different animals, and the third stage is the decomposition of the bones themselves. The Fourth Stage, dubbed “Reef Stage” on Wikipedia, is when all that’s left are minerals : in other words, all organic matter has been consumed. Now, of course, comparing a snake to a whale leads to some issues, and it might not give us an exact value, especially since the chemical composition of whale and snake bones are completely different, but at least this might give us an approximate value. If anyone know the percentage of lipids in snake bones though, I’m down to calculate using that.
Anyways, after applying the values given by *Wikipedia* for the Whale Fall of a grey Whale, we can figure out how long it takes for a Dalamadur, and by extension, an Ancient Dalamadur, to decompose ( fig. 2 : https://imgur.com/a/Bjl3gEE ).
This gives us a total time until Reef Stage of about 885 MILLIONS YEARS.
THAT’S A LONG-ASS TIME
For comparison, On Earth, 885 Millions years ago, Life was literally but a few multicellular organisms that could photosynthesize. Trees, insects, animals, none of them existed yet.
So yeah, having a giant fucking Dalamadur stuck there is plausible, somehow, since by then mountain collision could’ve happened and even after erosion and rifting, the bones would still be there.
Considering also that 50 Millions years of those is just decomposing the Giant Dalamadur until the skeleton is fully colonized, yeah no, this actually makes more sense than we give it credit for
Also, thanks to more *Wikipedia* sources, we have the added knowledge that a grey whale whale fall releases would’ve released around 17 Million Tons of Carbon.
For comparison, most natural oils and fossil fuels are about 85% Carbon, so if all the Organic Matter of these Giant Dalamadurs were trapped, only one of them could amount to 14.2 Million Tons of petroleum, for example. Since 1kg of Petroleum of Petroleum is about 1.27 Liters ( 1L=>0.79kg), 1 ton of Petroleum is 1270 Liters, this gives us about 1.80E10 L of petroleum, or, in other words, 18 Billion Liters, which is about 112,500,000Barrels. For comparison, we as humans use 97,103,871 Barrels per day, so one Ancient Dalamadur has enough organic matter to to fuel the needs for oil for ALL OF HUMANITY for an ENTIRE DAY.
This made me realize two things :
This is fucking insane
But anyways, Conclusion :
Considering that the Rotten Vale contains more than just one Ancient Dalamadur, and I only used the mmeasurement approximation of the Largest Ancient Dalamadur, aka, the one with the Giant Skull on the Surface level of the Vale, and that Vaal Hazak’s control over the area is now forcing all elder dragons migrating to the New World to die there, with part of their energy going too the Elder’s Recess :
Yeah, it’s more plausible than I thought, I have to say.
That’s all I have for today, I’ll probably make another post here about the Guiding Lands or maybe even the Everstream someday. Thanks for reading this, if I missed anything or want me to give you some more info on the subject, or even give me some propositions or future video ideas, make sure to comment and also upvote so that more people can see this and I didn’t just spent two days doing research for nothing. See ya !
PS : So I had to rewrite this paragraph due to a fuck up, and also I discovered this after writing all this down, but basically the length of the Ancient Dalamadur might not be accurate, as I've seen posts either saying he's 1-3km long and others saying he's 5-10km long, but, long story short, after doing some calculations, the Ancient Dalamadur's corpse status is realistic if, at minimum, he's about 4-5km long. If anyone could measure the size of the giant dalamadur skull on the surface of the Rotten Vale and the size of a dalamadur head in 4U, we could estimate the length of the Larger Ancient Dalamadur, and, even if it is, like, 1-2km long there are still enough Dalamadur Corpses ( at least 8-9 ) to release enough organic matter to create the coral highlands, I think. If anyone has an actual length tho, I'd be happy to use it, albeit with calculations of how we got to that result.
submitted by Yphi-Zirconium to MonsterHunter [link] [comments]
[This is part of a larger video project on the geological past of Monster Hunter World]
Hello everyone from whichever subreddit I might post this in. I was working on a future video project for Monster Hunter World, and wanted to post some of my findings here, because, hey, it’s actually pretty interesting imo.
Those findings are specifically about the Coral Highlands and the Rotten Vale and whether the death of a giant fucking Dalamadur could trigger the flourishing of an ecosystem like the Coral Highlands
So, without further ado, let’s start !
My objective was to calculate the mass of the giant dalamadur in the Rotten Vale, figure out what’s the average decomposition speed of most animals, and then just multiply both to figure out how long it would’ve taken for the Rotten Vale’s Dalamadur to decompose.
From there on you try to figure out 2 things :
- Whether this duration is longer than at least 65 Million years ago : Since it’s impossible for the Dalamadurs were too large to fit inside the Rotten Vale, a possible theory is that the area was much more open back then, and due to an orogeny which lead to the high mountain ranges in the region and closed of the area in which these chunky bois lived in. Due to the massive size of these Elder Dragons, they probably just eat a lot once, destroying the ecosystem, and then go on to hibernate for long periods of times. Since the largest Dalamadur found in the Rotten Vale is estimated to be around 8-11 km long ( I averaged it to about 9km in length in my calculations ), it’s probably not far-fetched to think they might hibernate through hundred of millions of years, which eventually lead to their death in the Vale. This would also explain why you’re appointed in 4U to kill Dalamadurs, as they can absolutely destroy an ecosystem when they get out of hibernation, and an extra bit of lore that could explain why the Dalamadur only appeared in 4U : it was a one-time thing.
- Whether it has enough organic material to sustain an ecosystem.
Ill link my spreadsheet later this day, but basically I got a mass of about 342 Million Metric Ton ( fig.1 : https://imgur.com/a/8euzNul ), which is fucking insane. I don’t have anything to compare it immediately but it’s just, unimaginably heavy.
Next, Decomposition
When I was researching this subject, I discovered Whale Falls, which are basically the formation of little ecosystem around a whale carcass, which is EXACTLY what I needed. Whale Falls happen in 3 stages, the first one being the decomposition of soft tissue, the second being the colonization of the bones by different animals, and the third stage is the decomposition of the bones themselves. The Fourth Stage, dubbed “Reef Stage” on Wikipedia, is when all that’s left are minerals : in other words, all organic matter has been consumed. Now, of course, comparing a snake to a whale leads to some issues, and it might not give us an exact value, especially since the chemical composition of whale and snake bones are completely different, but at least this might give us an approximate value. If anyone know the percentage of lipids in snake bones though, I’m down to calculate using that.
Anyways, after applying the values given by *Wikipedia* for the Whale Fall of a grey Whale, we can figure out how long it takes for a Dalamadur, and by extension, an Ancient Dalamadur, to decompose ( fig. 2 : https://imgur.com/a/Bjl3gEE ).
This gives us a total time until Reef Stage of about 885 MILLIONS YEARS.
THAT’S A LONG-ASS TIME
For comparison, On Earth, 885 Millions years ago, Life was literally but a few multicellular organisms that could photosynthesize. Trees, insects, animals, none of them existed yet.
So yeah, having a giant fucking Dalamadur stuck there is plausible, somehow, since by then mountain collision could’ve happened and even after erosion and rifting, the bones would still be there.
Considering also that 50 Millions years of those is just decomposing the Giant Dalamadur until the skeleton is fully colonized, yeah no, this actually makes more sense than we give it credit for
Also, thanks to more *Wikipedia* sources, we have the added knowledge that a grey whale whale fall releases would’ve released around 17 Million Tons of Carbon.
For comparison, most natural oils and fossil fuels are about 85% Carbon, so if all the Organic Matter of these Giant Dalamadurs were trapped, only one of them could amount to 14.2 Million Tons of petroleum, for example. Since 1kg of Petroleum of Petroleum is about 1.27 Liters ( 1L=>0.79kg), 1 ton of Petroleum is 1270 Liters, this gives us about 1.80E10 L of petroleum, or, in other words, 18 Billion Liters, which is about 112,500,000Barrels. For comparison, we as humans use 97,103,871 Barrels per day, so one Ancient Dalamadur has enough organic matter to to fuel the needs for oil for ALL OF HUMANITY for an ENTIRE DAY.
This made me realize two things :
- Holy shit so many living things died in the past so that we could use Cars and Airplanes
- Holy shit Humanity is releasing so much fucking CO2… ( Whyyyy do we keep using fossil fuels ffs )
This is fucking insane
But anyways, Conclusion :
Considering that the Rotten Vale contains more than just one Ancient Dalamadur, and I only used the mmeasurement approximation of the Largest Ancient Dalamadur, aka, the one with the Giant Skull on the Surface level of the Vale, and that Vaal Hazak’s control over the area is now forcing all elder dragons migrating to the New World to die there, with part of their energy going too the Elder’s Recess :
Yeah, it’s more plausible than I thought, I have to say.
That’s all I have for today, I’ll probably make another post here about the Guiding Lands or maybe even the Everstream someday. Thanks for reading this, if I missed anything or want me to give you some more info on the subject, or even give me some propositions or future video ideas, make sure to comment and also upvote so that more people can see this and I didn’t just spent two days doing research for nothing. See ya !
PS : So I had to rewrite this paragraph due to a fuck up, and also I discovered this after writing all this down, but basically the length of the Ancient Dalamadur might not be accurate, as I've seen posts either saying he's 1-3km long and others saying he's 5-10km long, but, long story short, after doing some calculations, the Ancient Dalamadur's corpse status is realistic if, at minimum, he's about 4-5km long. If anyone could measure the size of the giant dalamadur skull on the surface of the Rotten Vale and the size of a dalamadur head in 4U, we could estimate the length of the Larger Ancient Dalamadur, and, even if it is, like, 1-2km long there are still enough Dalamadur Corpses ( at least 8-9 ) to release enough organic matter to create the coral highlands, I think. If anyone has an actual length tho, I'd be happy to use it, albeit with calculations of how we got to that result.
2024.05.21 15:02 oooooooooooui Char dham 2024 experience
We are 10 family members who booked this trip through a tour agency. My dadi(grandmother) is 76 years old with operation in both legs and a 3 year cancer patient. Our tour started at 11th May, 2024. We did the char dham in proper sequence (Yamnoutri -Gangotri- Kedarnath -Badrinath). We had a proper itinerary and online bookings done by the agency.
First we had a hotel booking in Barkot. The hotel was okay. they are extremely possessive about their towels with a rule- 1 towel per room??? I'm with my dadi and aunty in one room. They probably have a laundry problem or something but every single hotel has this nonsense rule. Anyways, next day 5am we left for Yamnoutri. Got stuck in a 5km long jam(Yamnoutri is 35km away) Me and my dad decided to walk it out. We covered 20km by 3pm however it started raining and couldn't continue ahead. We stayed in a tapri for 4 hours until the rain cleared. Our family was still stuck in traffic and hadn't reached even close to us. Now it's 8pm. We were supposed to be done with Yamnoutri and go back to our Barkot hotel. We had to cancel our Barkot bookings(and the hotel manager put all the bags of our 10 people in 1 room messing up everyones luggage). We booked another hotel at Sayanchatti were our family members reached at 11pm. Police management was utterly trash. I think even they were surprised with the amount of overcrowding. Next day we finally reached Yamnoutri. About the trek- the pathway/trail is full of shit. And I mean literally full of horse-poop. There are 700-1000 horses. Even after getting a horse, we had to wait 40mins for parchi and additional 1 hour(while on our horse) because of horse-jam. Yes there is a traffic jam of horses ON THE TREK. We wanted to walk but seeing the people who did walk, I was glad we didn't. The path is almost 3 meter wide with pithu, doly/palki, horses and people walking simultaneously. People who walked got continuously hit by horses and had to dirty their shoes in horse poop. We reached the temple finally, did Pooja, etc and managed to return Barkot where we had to re-book for another night. Our itinerary was already messed up at this point and money was wasted thrice (previous booking unattended in Barkot, the new booking in Sayanchatti and rebooking in Barkot). There is more like the incredibly risky horse route, etc but that's inevitable. I'm gonna continue with Gangotri.
We reached Maneri after struggling in jams for 7+ hours. We also did Uttarkashi before that. Ok so here the police had stopped us at checkpost and said cars are going in batches and if they let us go the jam ahead would only get worse. Now our hotel was 5 minutes(3km) by car from the checkpost. I went walking 3km and reached the hotel and there was absolutely no traffic like we told the police. We even showed them on Google maps. Traffic jams are understandable, but not letting us go after talking to the hotel owner, seeing proof that we won't contribute to traffic, that was a bit triggering. From police side it was just plain dumb. The commisioner there would keep talking his egoistical nonsense, not listening to anyone. Finally the rest of my family reached the hotel. Same issue with towels, rubbish beds, never ending insects and super unclean bathrooms with no pressure in water(flush, jets, bath, basin). Anyways, next day 12am we left for Gangotri with zero sleep because we are already behind our bookings and trying to avoid wasting more money. Got stuck in jam till 6am. [Also another note here, we had 2 private cars and one of the drivers was sleeping drunk and almost hit me and my mom. He hit a tempo traveller and we told him go back to sleep.] Finally reached Gangotri at 5:30pm, did our Pooja and then got in line for Darshan. My dadi and I got into the senior citizen line because she is 76 years old and can barely stand/walk in lines. Tilll now in the trip I don't completely blame the police for what was going on. But here in Gangotri, if anyone is going I am warning you, the police is rubbish. They are rude, tired with the crowd and very harsh and worst of all lazy. When u reach the main statue to go darshan, it's continuous pushing and almost a stampede, you cannot carry a baby or a old person there, they are garanteed to get hurt and the police won't care AT ALL. If you are lucky u might get to see the main statue of Ganga Mata for more than 4 seconds. After that we got back to our hotel in Maneri.
Next day we left for our hotel booking (adjusted by our agency) in Phata-Mankheda. Don't forget to go to Guptkashi before entering Phata. Here too same issues like 1 towel per room, charging points at the most unreachable locations in the room, etc. But this was still better than Maneri. Next morning 3am we left for Sonprayag. There is a line for your registration approval which goes on till Sitapur (2km from Sonprayag). People will continuously try to break and enter the line and there is almost a stampede and lot of heated crowd. After registration, you can go join 1km line for government taxi(50rs per head) from Sonprayag to Gaurikund. Anyways, after reaching Gaurikund there is a 1km inclined gali then the horses start.Remember this part. So here we again had to take a horse even tho we wanted to trek because at this point we were on 3-4hrs sleep everyday and our mental was very weak. We paid 6000rs per horse because it wasn't morning and the horse owner GARANTEED us all of my family members will be together, there will be one person per horse and that he already has the parchi. 5 of us had taken the horses and others went walking, palki and pithu. This path was again same as Yamnoutri or even worse. More horse-poop than ever, the sweepers there won't care and sweep the trash on you if u r in their way and continue doing so. People working there are literally illustrate and 'gouthi'. The horse owner didn't fulfil his promise either. There was 1 man handling 3 horses. The horses were going anywhere, hitting our legs on railings, other yatris,other horses etc. They told us to get down and walk 50m every time they saw police which is when we understood they didn't make a parchi. When we reached the top they demanded for the full money which they very very very obviously did not deserve for all their lies. When we said take 28k because anyways 2 of their men didn't come. They said give 30k else don't give anything at all. This childish, greedy attitude of theirs was again very triggering. We are not beggars and they are not doing us any favours so we still paid them the full amount. We are on a spiritual journey but since everything is about money from tourism, our spirit kept getting crushed. We had to spend the night at Kedarnath and our agency had booked us a dormitory. I warn anyone booking a dormitory, just don't. 30 unclean, continuously used beds, in one non- ventilation suffocating room with 1 Indian style toilet whose latch doesn't work shared with strangers. And the worst part is it is 1000rs per bed. I wouldn't pay 20rs for this rubbish service. At this point my spirit completely broke and I fell sick. I hadn't eaten anything and didn't want to. Next day my dad and I went down through horse at government rate (2300/). Others came in pithu and trek. Now came the worst part. The overcrord at the narrow 500m gali which i told u to remember above. Oh my God. After 22km Trek you are treated with this 0 management wild crowd. I had to take care of my dadi and fam from getting hurt. After reaching Gaurikund, again another 1.5km line with no special preference for senior citizens. Here people bribed the police 500rs to break and enter the line(happened right in front of me and my phone had no battery) When you reach the taxi finally, everyone tries to enter together and the police are just standing mutes. They are done with this💀. Finally got into the taxi, reached Sonprayag. Had to walk till Sitapur. Got a private taxi from there who demanded unreasonable price.We got mad and told him 4000rs till phata-mankheda(20km) which he then agreed to. Our hotel had changed to the worst possible hell of a hotel ever. I don't even want to talk about it. It has scarred me how people go about their business with 0 standards. At this point we just wanted to go home but Badrinath is left 😭
Ngl Badrinath tour was decent. Our hotel was in Piplakoti. Decent hotel called River view hotel. Roads are good. Only 4 hour line in Badrinath with heated crowd and 5 second darshan. At this point we are used to this so it's ok💀. Police was actually working and managing. Only issue we faced was directions from main road to the mandir and back. At night it gets very confusing.
Now I'd like to add, i haven't taken any names of hotels(except river view) or my tour agency because I don't mean any disrespect.
Uttrakhand is a beautiful beaitiful and amazing place with sceneries and memories I will carry with me forever. The sceneries while going to every dham are different and unique in their own way. Even just traveling from one dham to another by road is an amazing experience(excluding the jams).
I have some opinions- 1. Management is almost non-existent. Meet any Yatri and they will tell you the same. 2. Police are corrupt and lazy. Some try actively but that's like 10% of them. 3. The problem with hotels is that they are all on lease. I'll explain. The owner gives a person say Rahul their hotel on lease and asks for a certain amount per year. Rahul gets paid after that certain amount exceeds. Hotel bookings for char dham 6 months are always full. Rahul will always get this money and hence sees no need to maintain this hotel. So that's that. 4. Uttrakhand runs only and only on tourism and it is obvious. So as an individual tourist, you DO NOT matter. They don't care, they get people continuously. If your booking is cancelled there is always someone else to take it. You cannot talk sense to anyone running any type of service there. 5. Yamnoutri, Gangotri and Kedarnath roads for reaching there are narrow. Government should ban big buses permanently and is the best move they can make. These buses are 80% of the reasons for jams. They are improving roads but it's been 75+ years since independence so idk what they are doing. 6. Government should NOT take registrations when they cannot afford them. 27 Lakh registrations is not a joke. 2.8Lakh people in 4 days is not a joke. No one can manage this amount of people. Have a limit. People are spending lakhs of rupees coming from all over India for this and 90% of it is a bad experience. 7. Don't open all char dham together. This year's main issue was all 4 temples opened at the same date, 10th May. People were already ready and started rushing from 7-8th May.
Advice for Future Yatris- 1. Don't come in May. I had a compulsion so we had to. But everyone here says that the best months for char dham is September-October before Diwali. 2. If you do come in May, don't do online bookings. You need to be flexible with where you are gonna stay. 3. Carry a towel per person. Hotels are extremely possessive about their towels. 4. Leave early for every dham if you are committed to do all 4 of them. I've seen lot of people give up in jams. 5. Get warm clothes especially lot of socks and bring medicines, etc. Rain coats are ok but u need a poncho. Rain coats don't cover your bagpacks while trekking and even if they do, they will stretch and might tear. 6. Private cars/taxi yatri, spend a bit more and get a comfortable car. You will spend most of the time in your vehicle. Tempo travellers are extremely uncomfortable and avoid them. 7. Take cold water baths at colder places as warm water baths bring the blood vessels to skin level making it more sensitive later. You have to be mentally prepared before taking a cold water bath. 8. Weather changes like anything. Suncap and goggles are a must in day time. 9. If u get sick/stomach upset have black tea and biscuits. 10. Do private Pooja at Badrinath.
Good things- 1. The food is amazing. It's almost as good as homemade food. You can always tell the cook how you like your food. Do try the Vegetable Maggi at highecolder mountains. It's available everywhere. 2. Sceneries are amazing and don't forget to carry a proper camera. Phone tech these days is good too and will make photo-frame photos. 3. You will always find people to talk to. If you happen to find polite people, say the hotel cook or a homeguard or other yatris or anyone at all, you will have a good conversation. 4. The pandits are good and will only ask you to pay them if u want to for the Pooja. Always pay them. 5. No phone range. It's good so you live in the moment and can enjoy the amazing sceneries :)
I'm trying to be completely honest without involving any type of hate here and trying to paint a complete picture of what my journey was like. We had to go over budget(almost double) because we didn't know any of this even after research. Our tour agency didn't warn us about anything either. Only thing that matters is that you enter the holy grounds. You can expect amazing sceneries but not an amazing darshan in May. It's been a bittersweet journey and I am writing this while omw to home. I hope y'all find this helpful and plan accordingly only if you are going in May or peak season. Otherwise you might not face much issues in September. Thank you for reading.
submitted by oooooooooooui to Uttarakhand [link] [comments]
First we had a hotel booking in Barkot. The hotel was okay. they are extremely possessive about their towels with a rule- 1 towel per room??? I'm with my dadi and aunty in one room. They probably have a laundry problem or something but every single hotel has this nonsense rule. Anyways, next day 5am we left for Yamnoutri. Got stuck in a 5km long jam(Yamnoutri is 35km away) Me and my dad decided to walk it out. We covered 20km by 3pm however it started raining and couldn't continue ahead. We stayed in a tapri for 4 hours until the rain cleared. Our family was still stuck in traffic and hadn't reached even close to us. Now it's 8pm. We were supposed to be done with Yamnoutri and go back to our Barkot hotel. We had to cancel our Barkot bookings(and the hotel manager put all the bags of our 10 people in 1 room messing up everyones luggage). We booked another hotel at Sayanchatti were our family members reached at 11pm. Police management was utterly trash. I think even they were surprised with the amount of overcrowding. Next day we finally reached Yamnoutri. About the trek- the pathway/trail is full of shit. And I mean literally full of horse-poop. There are 700-1000 horses. Even after getting a horse, we had to wait 40mins for parchi and additional 1 hour(while on our horse) because of horse-jam. Yes there is a traffic jam of horses ON THE TREK. We wanted to walk but seeing the people who did walk, I was glad we didn't. The path is almost 3 meter wide with pithu, doly/palki, horses and people walking simultaneously. People who walked got continuously hit by horses and had to dirty their shoes in horse poop. We reached the temple finally, did Pooja, etc and managed to return Barkot where we had to re-book for another night. Our itinerary was already messed up at this point and money was wasted thrice (previous booking unattended in Barkot, the new booking in Sayanchatti and rebooking in Barkot). There is more like the incredibly risky horse route, etc but that's inevitable. I'm gonna continue with Gangotri.
We reached Maneri after struggling in jams for 7+ hours. We also did Uttarkashi before that. Ok so here the police had stopped us at checkpost and said cars are going in batches and if they let us go the jam ahead would only get worse. Now our hotel was 5 minutes(3km) by car from the checkpost. I went walking 3km and reached the hotel and there was absolutely no traffic like we told the police. We even showed them on Google maps. Traffic jams are understandable, but not letting us go after talking to the hotel owner, seeing proof that we won't contribute to traffic, that was a bit triggering. From police side it was just plain dumb. The commisioner there would keep talking his egoistical nonsense, not listening to anyone. Finally the rest of my family reached the hotel. Same issue with towels, rubbish beds, never ending insects and super unclean bathrooms with no pressure in water(flush, jets, bath, basin). Anyways, next day 12am we left for Gangotri with zero sleep because we are already behind our bookings and trying to avoid wasting more money. Got stuck in jam till 6am. [Also another note here, we had 2 private cars and one of the drivers was sleeping drunk and almost hit me and my mom. He hit a tempo traveller and we told him go back to sleep.] Finally reached Gangotri at 5:30pm, did our Pooja and then got in line for Darshan. My dadi and I got into the senior citizen line because she is 76 years old and can barely stand/walk in lines. Tilll now in the trip I don't completely blame the police for what was going on. But here in Gangotri, if anyone is going I am warning you, the police is rubbish. They are rude, tired with the crowd and very harsh and worst of all lazy. When u reach the main statue to go darshan, it's continuous pushing and almost a stampede, you cannot carry a baby or a old person there, they are garanteed to get hurt and the police won't care AT ALL. If you are lucky u might get to see the main statue of Ganga Mata for more than 4 seconds. After that we got back to our hotel in Maneri.
Next day we left for our hotel booking (adjusted by our agency) in Phata-Mankheda. Don't forget to go to Guptkashi before entering Phata. Here too same issues like 1 towel per room, charging points at the most unreachable locations in the room, etc. But this was still better than Maneri. Next morning 3am we left for Sonprayag. There is a line for your registration approval which goes on till Sitapur (2km from Sonprayag). People will continuously try to break and enter the line and there is almost a stampede and lot of heated crowd. After registration, you can go join 1km line for government taxi(50rs per head) from Sonprayag to Gaurikund. Anyways, after reaching Gaurikund there is a 1km inclined gali then the horses start.Remember this part. So here we again had to take a horse even tho we wanted to trek because at this point we were on 3-4hrs sleep everyday and our mental was very weak. We paid 6000rs per horse because it wasn't morning and the horse owner GARANTEED us all of my family members will be together, there will be one person per horse and that he already has the parchi. 5 of us had taken the horses and others went walking, palki and pithu. This path was again same as Yamnoutri or even worse. More horse-poop than ever, the sweepers there won't care and sweep the trash on you if u r in their way and continue doing so. People working there are literally illustrate and 'gouthi'. The horse owner didn't fulfil his promise either. There was 1 man handling 3 horses. The horses were going anywhere, hitting our legs on railings, other yatris,other horses etc. They told us to get down and walk 50m every time they saw police which is when we understood they didn't make a parchi. When we reached the top they demanded for the full money which they very very very obviously did not deserve for all their lies. When we said take 28k because anyways 2 of their men didn't come. They said give 30k else don't give anything at all. This childish, greedy attitude of theirs was again very triggering. We are not beggars and they are not doing us any favours so we still paid them the full amount. We are on a spiritual journey but since everything is about money from tourism, our spirit kept getting crushed. We had to spend the night at Kedarnath and our agency had booked us a dormitory. I warn anyone booking a dormitory, just don't. 30 unclean, continuously used beds, in one non- ventilation suffocating room with 1 Indian style toilet whose latch doesn't work shared with strangers. And the worst part is it is 1000rs per bed. I wouldn't pay 20rs for this rubbish service. At this point my spirit completely broke and I fell sick. I hadn't eaten anything and didn't want to. Next day my dad and I went down through horse at government rate (2300/). Others came in pithu and trek. Now came the worst part. The overcrord at the narrow 500m gali which i told u to remember above. Oh my God. After 22km Trek you are treated with this 0 management wild crowd. I had to take care of my dadi and fam from getting hurt. After reaching Gaurikund, again another 1.5km line with no special preference for senior citizens. Here people bribed the police 500rs to break and enter the line(happened right in front of me and my phone had no battery) When you reach the taxi finally, everyone tries to enter together and the police are just standing mutes. They are done with this💀. Finally got into the taxi, reached Sonprayag. Had to walk till Sitapur. Got a private taxi from there who demanded unreasonable price.We got mad and told him 4000rs till phata-mankheda(20km) which he then agreed to. Our hotel had changed to the worst possible hell of a hotel ever. I don't even want to talk about it. It has scarred me how people go about their business with 0 standards. At this point we just wanted to go home but Badrinath is left 😭
Ngl Badrinath tour was decent. Our hotel was in Piplakoti. Decent hotel called River view hotel. Roads are good. Only 4 hour line in Badrinath with heated crowd and 5 second darshan. At this point we are used to this so it's ok💀. Police was actually working and managing. Only issue we faced was directions from main road to the mandir and back. At night it gets very confusing.
Now I'd like to add, i haven't taken any names of hotels(except river view) or my tour agency because I don't mean any disrespect.
Uttrakhand is a beautiful beaitiful and amazing place with sceneries and memories I will carry with me forever. The sceneries while going to every dham are different and unique in their own way. Even just traveling from one dham to another by road is an amazing experience(excluding the jams).
I have some opinions- 1. Management is almost non-existent. Meet any Yatri and they will tell you the same. 2. Police are corrupt and lazy. Some try actively but that's like 10% of them. 3. The problem with hotels is that they are all on lease. I'll explain. The owner gives a person say Rahul their hotel on lease and asks for a certain amount per year. Rahul gets paid after that certain amount exceeds. Hotel bookings for char dham 6 months are always full. Rahul will always get this money and hence sees no need to maintain this hotel. So that's that. 4. Uttrakhand runs only and only on tourism and it is obvious. So as an individual tourist, you DO NOT matter. They don't care, they get people continuously. If your booking is cancelled there is always someone else to take it. You cannot talk sense to anyone running any type of service there. 5. Yamnoutri, Gangotri and Kedarnath roads for reaching there are narrow. Government should ban big buses permanently and is the best move they can make. These buses are 80% of the reasons for jams. They are improving roads but it's been 75+ years since independence so idk what they are doing. 6. Government should NOT take registrations when they cannot afford them. 27 Lakh registrations is not a joke. 2.8Lakh people in 4 days is not a joke. No one can manage this amount of people. Have a limit. People are spending lakhs of rupees coming from all over India for this and 90% of it is a bad experience. 7. Don't open all char dham together. This year's main issue was all 4 temples opened at the same date, 10th May. People were already ready and started rushing from 7-8th May.
Advice for Future Yatris- 1. Don't come in May. I had a compulsion so we had to. But everyone here says that the best months for char dham is September-October before Diwali. 2. If you do come in May, don't do online bookings. You need to be flexible with where you are gonna stay. 3. Carry a towel per person. Hotels are extremely possessive about their towels. 4. Leave early for every dham if you are committed to do all 4 of them. I've seen lot of people give up in jams. 5. Get warm clothes especially lot of socks and bring medicines, etc. Rain coats are ok but u need a poncho. Rain coats don't cover your bagpacks while trekking and even if they do, they will stretch and might tear. 6. Private cars/taxi yatri, spend a bit more and get a comfortable car. You will spend most of the time in your vehicle. Tempo travellers are extremely uncomfortable and avoid them. 7. Take cold water baths at colder places as warm water baths bring the blood vessels to skin level making it more sensitive later. You have to be mentally prepared before taking a cold water bath. 8. Weather changes like anything. Suncap and goggles are a must in day time. 9. If u get sick/stomach upset have black tea and biscuits. 10. Do private Pooja at Badrinath.
Good things- 1. The food is amazing. It's almost as good as homemade food. You can always tell the cook how you like your food. Do try the Vegetable Maggi at highecolder mountains. It's available everywhere. 2. Sceneries are amazing and don't forget to carry a proper camera. Phone tech these days is good too and will make photo-frame photos. 3. You will always find people to talk to. If you happen to find polite people, say the hotel cook or a homeguard or other yatris or anyone at all, you will have a good conversation. 4. The pandits are good and will only ask you to pay them if u want to for the Pooja. Always pay them. 5. No phone range. It's good so you live in the moment and can enjoy the amazing sceneries :)
I'm trying to be completely honest without involving any type of hate here and trying to paint a complete picture of what my journey was like. We had to go over budget(almost double) because we didn't know any of this even after research. Our tour agency didn't warn us about anything either. Only thing that matters is that you enter the holy grounds. You can expect amazing sceneries but not an amazing darshan in May. It's been a bittersweet journey and I am writing this while omw to home. I hope y'all find this helpful and plan accordingly only if you are going in May or peak season. Otherwise you might not face much issues in September. Thank you for reading.
2024.05.21 15:01 SharkEva My wife friend-zoned me and wants a platonic “companionship”
I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/themachucajr posting in Marriage
Ongoing as per OOP
1 updates - Long
Original - 7th May 2024
Update - 15th May 2024
My wife friend-zoned me and wants a platonic “companionship”
My wife (35f) and I (35m) have been married for 15 years and we've been together for 20 years. We have two kids (12,14) we absolutely adore and work tirelessly to provide the best possible life for them. For the past 3 years, things have been somewhat bumpy. I understand that our kids are at an age where they require a ton of our attention and resources with school, band, club sports, and other extracurriculars and I'm aware of the physical and emotional toll that can have on marriages.
However, for these past 3 years, my wife and I have had very little intimacy and very little sex and we've been trying very hard to work on that aspect of our relationship. This past year has been the most difficult and by far the darkest year in our marriage. We didn’t talk very much, we essentially became roommates coparenting our kids under the same roof. It was very depressing and very demoralizing. It was to the point where we began contemplating divorce and it became very dark and gloomy in the household because of that.
We began seeking help with both individualized therapy and couples therapy and it seems to have helped some. Little by little we started to get along and started to have deeper conversations about what our marriage looks like and what we would love for it to look like. This is where it gets tough. As time passed, my wife started to tell me she no longer was "in love with me" and that she only saw me as a "best friend." That she only loved me in a very platonic way, and this was one of the main reasons she didn’t have any desire for intimacy and let alone sex.
This was very shocking to me and quite frankly, I was devastated. I because angry and depressed and I couldn't fathom the thought that I was no longer wanted or desired by the person I felt completely in love with. Things began to deteriorate again and not long after, we were back to square one. I sat down with her one afternoon and had a heart to heart and began to ask questions about where the root of this problem lies, and her answer was "I don't know" and that "I have built up resentment towards you but I don't know where it stems from." As you can imagine, this provides very little to no insight into how to approach this.
I'm puzzled, I'm frustrated and I do not know what to do at this point. Currently, we've arrived at a place where she says that she has no sex drive and no desire for intimacy or connection. She says that all she wants is simply "companionship" which basically means our coparenting roommate dynamic. I asked her what I could possibly do or what is it about me that is so unattractive or undesirable and she her response is always "I don't know." She stated that she does "love" me but its not the same. That she has been feeling disconnected for years and that our marriage just takes up too much work. Her focus is only the children for now and that my coparenting contributions are "meaningful" to her in our home.
I'm at a loss and I'm mainly venting about my frustration. It's tough to realize that the person you love has no feelings for you. I feel like at this point I'm only here to contribute financially and as a parent. I feel like what she means with "companionship" is that she's comfortable with the convenience of having a good father for our kids and my financial contribution to the household.
In regard to intimacy and/or sex, she basically told me that its not something she’s interested in or wants at this time. She mentioned that the only way to get to a point for any of that is to be intoxicated which o believe is incredibly awful and very wrong. I told her I do not think forcing herself to have sex or be intimate by drinking or smoking is good and I declined to be a part of that which to my surprise, it upset her and made her more distant.
We're both extremely honest and transparent. We've never cheated on each other and we are always free to look through each others phones, emails, socials, etc. and we hardly ever do. I asked her if there was someone else and she declined. Honestly, I believe her. We then peacefully went through each other’s things and as expected, it was clean. We've always been very forward, even with the hard topics so I don't smell nor feel any foul play or infidelity.
Am I wrong for declining to only be intimate or have sex when she’s intoxicated? (I'm firm on my stance of not partaking in this "only when I'm high or drunk" sex because it doesn’t sit well with me.) I do not know how to help our situation and I'm starting to become a bit anxious and desperate. We're both fairly young and healthy individuals and good looking. We both have good standing careers and are good parents. I'm just not sure how our lives could have driven us to this point. I'd love some outside perspective on this matter and some insight on how to address something like this. It feels so awful to be unwanted and undesired by my own spouse. I hate it.
tl;dr: My wife of 15+ years is no longer in love with me and doesn’t know way and now says she can only have sex while intoxicated or I need to settle for a platonic sexless marriage and she doesn’t know why that is but it is what it is and I'm in need of insight or advice.
Comments
Warthog__
From your comment history it looks like you are Swingers? If so, I would think that would be relevant information to consider.
failedopportunities
It’s an obvious potential issue bro… wether it be she’s enjoying herself a side piece and wants nothing to do with you in that manner anymore. Or, she just went along with you on the swinging and never wanted to do it in the first place. Hence brings resentment. Regardless, should have been included in the initial post.
BigIronBruce
Will she be your best friend if you live elsewhere and have a relationship with somebody in love you. Probably not. Which makes the whole "best friend" speech feel like self-deception on her part.
I won't lie, if it were me, I'd get a divorce. She doesn't seem willing to do the work to fix the marriage and you can't fix it alone. She might promise to fix it or beg you not to but you need to follow your gut as to whether she actually can or will fix it. She's serious that she wants you to stick around but not necessarily as her husband.
Basically withold from any unnecesary interactions and affection. This is from an infidelity forum, but principles are the same https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/documents/library/articles/discovery/the-simplified-180/
Update - 8 days later
I wanted to give you guys an update of how the therapy session with my wife went this week. Not sure if this is helpful or not but I took many of the responses/comments/suggestions from my initial post and put together some things I wanted to discuss with our couples therapist to help us navigate some of the core issues that may be affecting this situation.
One of the main things that is the "buzz word" of this has been the term "resentment" and it has been really eating me up inside knowing my wife keeps telling me she doesn't know why she's resentful or doesn't know why this is affecting her emotionally/mentally. I brought this up with our therapist once again and resurfaced the conversation about being married for so long (15yrs) and being together since we ere 14yrs old. Our long history of growing up and how having children when she was 19yrs old (me 20) significantly changed the trajectory of our lives.
We experience severe poverty and many hardships in the process and we essentially had zero social life for the past 10 years because we were so busy raising babies (2 kids now ages 12 &14). She followed up with tons of questions directly mostly at my wife about her feelings towards this and 90% of the responses were very "our kids" focused. It definitely felt like she was afraid of saying "yes it sucked" because she would feel guilt or shame because it would imply she regrets the kids.
I mentioned this in the session and the therapist encouraged her to look at this outside of the lens of being a mother and to try to view it a bit more selfishly and individually and it was very eye opening. My wife mentioned that she was very frustrated with the fact that we did miss out on many things in life. She also was very clear in saying "I do not think I missed out on other partners or dating or partying but I certainly lost all my friends." This was huge because one of the big pieces that has caused a strain in our lives is how silo'd and isolated we've been (again busy raising kids). I followed up by reminding her that it's important to have good friends and to make time for herself and her friendships.
For the past 3+ years, we've had multiple conversations about friends and how it is important to have them in life. Specially when you have similar peers that can help in many areas of life that perhaps we have no experience navigating and even simply for enjoyment. It has always been something my wife avoids, even though she's always been someone who needs that external stimuli. The main reason for her not investing in friends or even herself has always been "the kids." Like I mentioned earlier in this post, 90% of the answers have to relate to "the kids" to some degree.
At this point in our session I started to feel like there was a common denominator (the kids) in most of the frustrations and problems she was experiencing. So I simply asked her "Do you think you may be upset at me because I'm responsible for these kids in the sense that I got you pregnant so young?" I wasn't ready but she said that she was upset at me for that. She also followed up with the fact that she knows that's unreasonable because it "takes 2 to tango." I did feel like it was progress because it kind of gave us something to work on and help alleviate some of these "burdens" so we agreed to invest more time in nurturing good friendships both together and individually.
Towards the end of the session, we began to discuss what actionable items we would take from this session. At this point, it was still all very ambiguous and blurry as to what the outcomes were. I was very direct and very forward in asking my wife what her plan is moving forward. (NOTE: I had decided prior to the session that should my wife say the same thing about being a coparenting roommate that I would take the 180 approach and essentially do me) She started basically saying the same thing, that she doesn't have any desire to be intimate or sexual with me as of now and that she loves me immensely and she feels bad for not being there for me (as mentioned in my first post).
I also brought up the brief swinging that happened, to which for the 50th time said it wasn't a problem. I agree with her on this. This was something that was a "mechanical" approach for a solution to a problem that was very much in existent when we tried this. We (both) really have no issue to this. We know it happened, we tried it and mutually stopped and turned the page.
I also brought up other life events that may cause resentment and really we ended up not getting anywhere else as far as the root for resentment which was discouraging.
I then basically expressed to my wife that I will not be ok with that arrangement. I told her that I've really done everything I can and that this issue really has reached a point where it has nothing to do with me or require me to do anything that I'm currently not doing. I was very direct and saying that I will not be accepting this dynamic and that I need to be with someone who is actively involved in our marriage, works towards resolutions and is very much interested in maintaining an active intimacy and sexual relationship.
I expressed how I am not going to be a "convenience" and that there was more to life than being roommates and coparents. I made sure she knows I love her dearly and that I do want this to work for the better. I also told her that I'm fully committed to this marriage so long as she is as well and that is she wasn't, its ok, however I will not be a part of something where these efforts are not reciprocated. I told her I have no plans of leaving, and I do not want a divorce, however, I made it clear that if this dynamic continues that divorce will be the only outcome.
Of course tears were involved and it was a very bleak and sad ending to the session. Still nothing was said and I walked out very discouraged and very determined to start working on the 180 as soon as we left the room. It's painful and very difficult because much of the 180 requires you to be very short and cold and transactional. The saddest part is realizing, this dynamic already is very cold and transactional.
Here is where it gets VERY interesting. I started working on implementing many of the 180 recommendations that same day. I mentioned to my wife that, "hey, things are going to be a bit different moving forward. I'm going to honor her roommate/coparent dynamic without reproach and that it should be no mistake that I am not happy here and I am never going to be ok with it but I am done working on it if she wasn't going to work on it."
She agreed and went to bed. I started to build distance and started to basically focus on myself. Very short and transactional. She asked for help on some of her personal things to which I declined and it really shocked her. She was upset saying I was being petulant. I explained to her that, she is now fully in charge of her own life and her own issues.
We didn't talk all day and we only spoke when necessary. Few days I keep this going and she's very visibly upset and stressed. I typically react to that with gestures of help or nurturing but I didn't this time. That night she was crying telling me she's stressed and she things something is wrong with me because I'm "indifferent." I simply listened, then I told her that this is the dynamic she proposed and that I'm simply (much like her) taking care of myself and focusing on myself.
I'm not going to lie, it has been VERY hard to be cold and distant because as I mentioned before, I love her and I wish I could hold her and love on her. However, I know this is somewhat manipulative in a way just to get her way and still keep me in the friendzone. So I've been staying the course.
We're now going on a week of this 180 and let just say, there has been MANY changes on her side. I think she is starting to realize there is more to me than just "friends and coparenting." I sent her a text a few days ago essentially itemizing bills and separating the financial responsibilities 50/50 and SHE LOST HER SHIT. She basically told me it was "out of left field" to which I responded "hey, friends go in 50/50 and as your friend I expect nothing less."
This was very eye opening because it gave me a glimpse of I'm really taken for granted and how her level of comfort and convenience at my expense is really overlooked. I pushed through anyways and basically told her that this is the new dynamic she asked for and that its still a "bargain" because she would have to be 100% if she was on her own.
I'll wrap up with this. While the 180 has been working in many different areas, I am still very much sad about the overall situation. There have been MANY eye opening statements being said and realization that have not been pleasant to encounter. It has also sparked new energy and new efforts on her side as well. She's definitely seeking to talk to me more often and while its hard to turn down, I hope if things improve, this continues to happen.
I've also noticed that she's making more time for herself aside from being a mom which is HUGE because she pretty much neglected herself for years. I'm very pleased seeing her be more herself. My hope is that as we work on ourselves, the marriage improves. There really is no telling at this point where this will go. We are very much cordial and amicable even to this day and that's a very good sign.
Boundaries are set and expectations are very clear and I feel that no matter the outcome, I will be at peace with everything that has been done. We're still going to continue the couples therapist until we either rekindle our marriage or end up in divorce. I feel like having this nonbiased third party really helps as a witness and as a guide through this. No matter what I will always love my wife, however, I will not participate in a sexless, intimacy less marriage because we both deserve better.
Thank you all for all the kind words and recommendations and feedback. This will be my last post on this topic and I wish you all the best.
TL;DR: My wife friend-zoned me wants to just coparent at my expense but I started the 180 method to try and find a solution because she doesn't want to work on us which seems to be working on getting her out of her rut and helping me discover more about how she feels. Also, therapy is paramount and highly recommend to all couples.
Comments
Complete-Old-1960
Bottom line and not to be brutal, but there is one thing you don't have infinite amount of, is TIME. This has to be resolved in a timely manner. It takes 2 to be in love and to be loved, and u only have ½ of the equation. You need to put a time limit on you being the good guy and think of you and your future. Look hope it works out for you, but listening to what you are going through and what you could be in for you can still be a good father but also be a great husband to another wife if you find that special person again.
shes_a_killer
I have to agree with this, simply because at some point, the person who has gone 180 and is waiting for the other person to decide will begin to wonder, "Wow, they're really taking their time coming around to me...did they love me at all? If they ever appreciated and cared for me, why would they keep me waiting and neglecting me for so long?" Except, in my case, it had more to do with the other person being stubborn and unable to admit their faults.
RandyPan_theGoatBoy
I think it’s interesting that in the comments of your original post you said you didn’t think she was taking you for granted but you came to realize she absolutely was. Can you give some more details on what the 180 method is?
I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments
submitted by SharkEva to BORUpdates [link] [comments]
Ongoing as per OOP
1 updates - Long
Original - 7th May 2024
Update - 15th May 2024
My wife friend-zoned me and wants a platonic “companionship”
My wife (35f) and I (35m) have been married for 15 years and we've been together for 20 years. We have two kids (12,14) we absolutely adore and work tirelessly to provide the best possible life for them. For the past 3 years, things have been somewhat bumpy. I understand that our kids are at an age where they require a ton of our attention and resources with school, band, club sports, and other extracurriculars and I'm aware of the physical and emotional toll that can have on marriages.
However, for these past 3 years, my wife and I have had very little intimacy and very little sex and we've been trying very hard to work on that aspect of our relationship. This past year has been the most difficult and by far the darkest year in our marriage. We didn’t talk very much, we essentially became roommates coparenting our kids under the same roof. It was very depressing and very demoralizing. It was to the point where we began contemplating divorce and it became very dark and gloomy in the household because of that.
We began seeking help with both individualized therapy and couples therapy and it seems to have helped some. Little by little we started to get along and started to have deeper conversations about what our marriage looks like and what we would love for it to look like. This is where it gets tough. As time passed, my wife started to tell me she no longer was "in love with me" and that she only saw me as a "best friend." That she only loved me in a very platonic way, and this was one of the main reasons she didn’t have any desire for intimacy and let alone sex.
This was very shocking to me and quite frankly, I was devastated. I because angry and depressed and I couldn't fathom the thought that I was no longer wanted or desired by the person I felt completely in love with. Things began to deteriorate again and not long after, we were back to square one. I sat down with her one afternoon and had a heart to heart and began to ask questions about where the root of this problem lies, and her answer was "I don't know" and that "I have built up resentment towards you but I don't know where it stems from." As you can imagine, this provides very little to no insight into how to approach this.
I'm puzzled, I'm frustrated and I do not know what to do at this point. Currently, we've arrived at a place where she says that she has no sex drive and no desire for intimacy or connection. She says that all she wants is simply "companionship" which basically means our coparenting roommate dynamic. I asked her what I could possibly do or what is it about me that is so unattractive or undesirable and she her response is always "I don't know." She stated that she does "love" me but its not the same. That she has been feeling disconnected for years and that our marriage just takes up too much work. Her focus is only the children for now and that my coparenting contributions are "meaningful" to her in our home.
I'm at a loss and I'm mainly venting about my frustration. It's tough to realize that the person you love has no feelings for you. I feel like at this point I'm only here to contribute financially and as a parent. I feel like what she means with "companionship" is that she's comfortable with the convenience of having a good father for our kids and my financial contribution to the household.
In regard to intimacy and/or sex, she basically told me that its not something she’s interested in or wants at this time. She mentioned that the only way to get to a point for any of that is to be intoxicated which o believe is incredibly awful and very wrong. I told her I do not think forcing herself to have sex or be intimate by drinking or smoking is good and I declined to be a part of that which to my surprise, it upset her and made her more distant.
We're both extremely honest and transparent. We've never cheated on each other and we are always free to look through each others phones, emails, socials, etc. and we hardly ever do. I asked her if there was someone else and she declined. Honestly, I believe her. We then peacefully went through each other’s things and as expected, it was clean. We've always been very forward, even with the hard topics so I don't smell nor feel any foul play or infidelity.
Am I wrong for declining to only be intimate or have sex when she’s intoxicated? (I'm firm on my stance of not partaking in this "only when I'm high or drunk" sex because it doesn’t sit well with me.) I do not know how to help our situation and I'm starting to become a bit anxious and desperate. We're both fairly young and healthy individuals and good looking. We both have good standing careers and are good parents. I'm just not sure how our lives could have driven us to this point. I'd love some outside perspective on this matter and some insight on how to address something like this. It feels so awful to be unwanted and undesired by my own spouse. I hate it.
tl;dr: My wife of 15+ years is no longer in love with me and doesn’t know way and now says she can only have sex while intoxicated or I need to settle for a platonic sexless marriage and she doesn’t know why that is but it is what it is and I'm in need of insight or advice.
Comments
Warthog__
From your comment history it looks like you are Swingers? If so, I would think that would be relevant information to consider.
OOP: We did some swinging in the past. That was fun for some time. We mutually decided to stop doing it and we have established it’s not the case. When we were swinging however, our marriage seemed to be in a good place. This IS something we did disclose with our couple therapist and made sure to include it to make sure we’re not neglecting an obvious potential issue.
I will say, I did ask my wife if what she experienced during swinging is something that is affecting her view on our relationship and she said it wasn’t. Our swinging experience was always together and it was very sex driven. Nothing really emotional or “poly”. Truth is, I have to believe her at her word. I have no reason to distrust her. To date, she’s always been very forward and never afraid of dealing things head on. No matter how painful.
failedopportunities
It’s an obvious potential issue bro… wether it be she’s enjoying herself a side piece and wants nothing to do with you in that manner anymore. Or, she just went along with you on the swinging and never wanted to do it in the first place. Hence brings resentment. Regardless, should have been included in the initial post.
OOP: Swinging was her idea. Not mine. But I suppose I should have included it but I honestly believe her on it not being an issue. I don’t have any reason to distrust her. Maybe it’s something she has to accept with her therapist or our couples therapist. Can’t really approach that with a solution if she doesn’t think it was a problem. IDK
BigIronBruce
She says that all she wants is simply "companionship" which basically means our coparenting roommate dynamic.That's only a marriage if you both agree it is. You're hoping she's going to wake up one day and feel different but she's basically said that's not going to happen and doesn't want to figure out why she feels that way. It seems like you tried several different ways to get to the bottom of it and she's either deflected or is being honest that she's not in love with you.
Am I wrong for declining to only be intimate or have sex when she’s intoxicated?I wouldn't do this, either, if that makes you feel better.
Will she be your best friend if you live elsewhere and have a relationship with somebody in love you. Probably not. Which makes the whole "best friend" speech feel like self-deception on her part.
I won't lie, if it were me, I'd get a divorce. She doesn't seem willing to do the work to fix the marriage and you can't fix it alone. She might promise to fix it or beg you not to but you need to follow your gut as to whether she actually can or will fix it. She's serious that she wants you to stick around but not necessarily as her husband.
OOP: A very hard truth to accept here. Thank youInteresting-Tip-4850
"I’m ensure I do everything possible to mend our marriage to ensure my own peace of mind and excite knowing I did everything I could."you may still concider 180 method, to protect yourself and perhaps in the same time the reality that the ship is leaving may start to change your wifes perspective. If that doesnt what else would.
OOP: Can you elaborate on the “180 Method”?Interesting-Tip-4850
Basically withold from any unnecesary interactions and affection. This is from an infidelity forum, but principles are the same https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/documents/library/articles/discovery/the-simplified-180/
OOP: I bookmarked this. I’m heavily considering this.
Update - 8 days later
I wanted to give you guys an update of how the therapy session with my wife went this week. Not sure if this is helpful or not but I took many of the responses/comments/suggestions from my initial post and put together some things I wanted to discuss with our couples therapist to help us navigate some of the core issues that may be affecting this situation.
One of the main things that is the "buzz word" of this has been the term "resentment" and it has been really eating me up inside knowing my wife keeps telling me she doesn't know why she's resentful or doesn't know why this is affecting her emotionally/mentally. I brought this up with our therapist once again and resurfaced the conversation about being married for so long (15yrs) and being together since we ere 14yrs old. Our long history of growing up and how having children when she was 19yrs old (me 20) significantly changed the trajectory of our lives.
We experience severe poverty and many hardships in the process and we essentially had zero social life for the past 10 years because we were so busy raising babies (2 kids now ages 12 &14). She followed up with tons of questions directly mostly at my wife about her feelings towards this and 90% of the responses were very "our kids" focused. It definitely felt like she was afraid of saying "yes it sucked" because she would feel guilt or shame because it would imply she regrets the kids.
I mentioned this in the session and the therapist encouraged her to look at this outside of the lens of being a mother and to try to view it a bit more selfishly and individually and it was very eye opening. My wife mentioned that she was very frustrated with the fact that we did miss out on many things in life. She also was very clear in saying "I do not think I missed out on other partners or dating or partying but I certainly lost all my friends." This was huge because one of the big pieces that has caused a strain in our lives is how silo'd and isolated we've been (again busy raising kids). I followed up by reminding her that it's important to have good friends and to make time for herself and her friendships.
For the past 3+ years, we've had multiple conversations about friends and how it is important to have them in life. Specially when you have similar peers that can help in many areas of life that perhaps we have no experience navigating and even simply for enjoyment. It has always been something my wife avoids, even though she's always been someone who needs that external stimuli. The main reason for her not investing in friends or even herself has always been "the kids." Like I mentioned earlier in this post, 90% of the answers have to relate to "the kids" to some degree.
At this point in our session I started to feel like there was a common denominator (the kids) in most of the frustrations and problems she was experiencing. So I simply asked her "Do you think you may be upset at me because I'm responsible for these kids in the sense that I got you pregnant so young?" I wasn't ready but she said that she was upset at me for that. She also followed up with the fact that she knows that's unreasonable because it "takes 2 to tango." I did feel like it was progress because it kind of gave us something to work on and help alleviate some of these "burdens" so we agreed to invest more time in nurturing good friendships both together and individually.
Towards the end of the session, we began to discuss what actionable items we would take from this session. At this point, it was still all very ambiguous and blurry as to what the outcomes were. I was very direct and very forward in asking my wife what her plan is moving forward. (NOTE: I had decided prior to the session that should my wife say the same thing about being a coparenting roommate that I would take the 180 approach and essentially do me) She started basically saying the same thing, that she doesn't have any desire to be intimate or sexual with me as of now and that she loves me immensely and she feels bad for not being there for me (as mentioned in my first post).
I also brought up the brief swinging that happened, to which for the 50th time said it wasn't a problem. I agree with her on this. This was something that was a "mechanical" approach for a solution to a problem that was very much in existent when we tried this. We (both) really have no issue to this. We know it happened, we tried it and mutually stopped and turned the page.
I also brought up other life events that may cause resentment and really we ended up not getting anywhere else as far as the root for resentment which was discouraging.
I then basically expressed to my wife that I will not be ok with that arrangement. I told her that I've really done everything I can and that this issue really has reached a point where it has nothing to do with me or require me to do anything that I'm currently not doing. I was very direct and saying that I will not be accepting this dynamic and that I need to be with someone who is actively involved in our marriage, works towards resolutions and is very much interested in maintaining an active intimacy and sexual relationship.
I expressed how I am not going to be a "convenience" and that there was more to life than being roommates and coparents. I made sure she knows I love her dearly and that I do want this to work for the better. I also told her that I'm fully committed to this marriage so long as she is as well and that is she wasn't, its ok, however I will not be a part of something where these efforts are not reciprocated. I told her I have no plans of leaving, and I do not want a divorce, however, I made it clear that if this dynamic continues that divorce will be the only outcome.
Of course tears were involved and it was a very bleak and sad ending to the session. Still nothing was said and I walked out very discouraged and very determined to start working on the 180 as soon as we left the room. It's painful and very difficult because much of the 180 requires you to be very short and cold and transactional. The saddest part is realizing, this dynamic already is very cold and transactional.
Here is where it gets VERY interesting. I started working on implementing many of the 180 recommendations that same day. I mentioned to my wife that, "hey, things are going to be a bit different moving forward. I'm going to honor her roommate/coparent dynamic without reproach and that it should be no mistake that I am not happy here and I am never going to be ok with it but I am done working on it if she wasn't going to work on it."
She agreed and went to bed. I started to build distance and started to basically focus on myself. Very short and transactional. She asked for help on some of her personal things to which I declined and it really shocked her. She was upset saying I was being petulant. I explained to her that, she is now fully in charge of her own life and her own issues.
We didn't talk all day and we only spoke when necessary. Few days I keep this going and she's very visibly upset and stressed. I typically react to that with gestures of help or nurturing but I didn't this time. That night she was crying telling me she's stressed and she things something is wrong with me because I'm "indifferent." I simply listened, then I told her that this is the dynamic she proposed and that I'm simply (much like her) taking care of myself and focusing on myself.
I'm not going to lie, it has been VERY hard to be cold and distant because as I mentioned before, I love her and I wish I could hold her and love on her. However, I know this is somewhat manipulative in a way just to get her way and still keep me in the friendzone. So I've been staying the course.
We're now going on a week of this 180 and let just say, there has been MANY changes on her side. I think she is starting to realize there is more to me than just "friends and coparenting." I sent her a text a few days ago essentially itemizing bills and separating the financial responsibilities 50/50 and SHE LOST HER SHIT. She basically told me it was "out of left field" to which I responded "hey, friends go in 50/50 and as your friend I expect nothing less."
This was very eye opening because it gave me a glimpse of I'm really taken for granted and how her level of comfort and convenience at my expense is really overlooked. I pushed through anyways and basically told her that this is the new dynamic she asked for and that its still a "bargain" because she would have to be 100% if she was on her own.
I'll wrap up with this. While the 180 has been working in many different areas, I am still very much sad about the overall situation. There have been MANY eye opening statements being said and realization that have not been pleasant to encounter. It has also sparked new energy and new efforts on her side as well. She's definitely seeking to talk to me more often and while its hard to turn down, I hope if things improve, this continues to happen.
I've also noticed that she's making more time for herself aside from being a mom which is HUGE because she pretty much neglected herself for years. I'm very pleased seeing her be more herself. My hope is that as we work on ourselves, the marriage improves. There really is no telling at this point where this will go. We are very much cordial and amicable even to this day and that's a very good sign.
Boundaries are set and expectations are very clear and I feel that no matter the outcome, I will be at peace with everything that has been done. We're still going to continue the couples therapist until we either rekindle our marriage or end up in divorce. I feel like having this nonbiased third party really helps as a witness and as a guide through this. No matter what I will always love my wife, however, I will not participate in a sexless, intimacy less marriage because we both deserve better.
Thank you all for all the kind words and recommendations and feedback. This will be my last post on this topic and I wish you all the best.
TL;DR: My wife friend-zoned me wants to just coparent at my expense but I started the 180 method to try and find a solution because she doesn't want to work on us which seems to be working on getting her out of her rut and helping me discover more about how she feels. Also, therapy is paramount and highly recommend to all couples.
Comments
Complete-Old-1960
Bottom line and not to be brutal, but there is one thing you don't have infinite amount of, is TIME. This has to be resolved in a timely manner. It takes 2 to be in love and to be loved, and u only have ½ of the equation. You need to put a time limit on you being the good guy and think of you and your future. Look hope it works out for you, but listening to what you are going through and what you could be in for you can still be a good father but also be a great husband to another wife if you find that special person again.
OOP: Definitely. I think this “soft ultimatum” (180 method) has been very eye opening. I’m definitely hoping for a rekindling of our marriage but I’m also bracing for divorce. I agree on a timeline and I’ve decided on a timeline for myself privately. I don’t want to give her a timeline because I want to reduce the pressure, however, after 1-2 yrs of things don’t improve, it won’t be shocking or a surprise if we split. I think 1-2yrs is more than reasonable.
shes_a_killer
I have to agree with this, simply because at some point, the person who has gone 180 and is waiting for the other person to decide will begin to wonder, "Wow, they're really taking their time coming around to me...did they love me at all? If they ever appreciated and cared for me, why would they keep me waiting and neglecting me for so long?" Except, in my case, it had more to do with the other person being stubborn and unable to admit their faults.
OOP: I understand what you mean. I don’t think I’ll ever doubt she loved me at all. I’m certain she did and I’m certain she still does. I know it sounds crazy and I’m not at all infatuated or blinded by love. Love is far more than the intimacy and sex we’re lacking.
RandyPan_theGoatBoy
I think it’s interesting that in the comments of your original post you said you didn’t think she was taking you for granted but you came to realize she absolutely was. Can you give some more details on what the 180 method is?
OOP: Yeah, I definitely felt this way. But with this 180 method it’s happening right in front of my eyes. Actual actions and reactions taking place that clearly demonstrate that she is taking me for granted. She actually see this as well. It’s evident she’s thinking about this heavily based on her demeanor and her behavior.
Here’s what I used as a guide:
https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/
https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/documents/library/articles/discovery/the-simplified-180/
I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments
2024.05.21 15:01 SharkEva AITA for not giving my adopted daughter a stuffed animal for her high school graduation, when both of my biological children got one?
I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/evastraea posting in AmItheAsshole
Concluded as per OOP
2 updates - Long
Original - 21st June 2022
Update1 - 27th June 2022
Comment from OOP - 27th June 2022
AITA for not giving my adopted daughter a stuffed animal for her high school graduation, when both of my biological children got one?
I [49f] have 3 children, [22f], [19m], and [18f]. My oldest are my biological children from a previous marriage, and my youngest I became a mother to at the age of 2 when I married her widowed father. She has only ever called me mom, and I officially adopted her at the age of 12.
Now on to the issue with the stuffed animals: years and years ago, when I was only 20 and in college, I worked at a children's museum. I adored the job and working with kids, and had the idea to buy stuffed animals from the gift shop to be my future-kids' first stuffed animals whenever they were born. I had gotten a stuffed bear at birth that was very special to me growing up, and on my 18th birthday my parents gifted me a duplicate they had bought way back when and kept for me all these years. I found this so special, and wanted to do something similar, so I bought 6 stuffed animals from the museum's gift shop; 3 to be given at birth, and 3 duplicates. I had no idea at the time how many kids I would have, but I knew I wasn't planning on having more than 3, so I didn't get any more.
My first daughter received the stuffed animal I selected for her while pregnant. Then, between her birth and the birth of my son, I miscarried. The experience was deeply traumatic for me, especially as I miscarried in my second trimester, and I buried my baby with the stuffed animal they would have gotten. I kept the duplicate to for comfort, to cuddle and hold.
Finally, my son was born and received the last of the stuffed animals I had set aside so many years ago. Now, here's where I may be the asshole. For both my daughter and son's high school graduations, I surprised them with the duplicates, for them to take to college with them and compare against the stuffies they've been loving on their whole lives. Both were very moved by this, and took both (original and duplicate) to school with them.
My youngest, however, never received a stuffed animal, and so when her graduation celebration rolled along I had no duplicate to gift her. I watched her unpack all her gifts, and her face fall when she got to the last one and realized. She didn't really say anything, just got this super sad look on her face, and excused herself to her room. I followed to ask what was wrong, but she said she didn't want to talk to me, so her father went in instead.
According to him she cried to him that she didn't feel as loved by me as her siblings, and as much a part of the family - the unwrapping of her siblings' stuffed animals were very emotional events, and she had had the expectation she'd be getting the same. In hindsight I could have easily done something similar for her whenever I first came into her life, even if it wouldn't have been from the museum, but I just didn't think of it. She has been cold to me this entire last week, and I feel so terrible, I've offered to take her out to a special dinner the two of us to make amends but she turned me down. AITA?
Edit: the votes are in, and I am definitively TA. Many of you are suggesting that I get her a stuffie that reminds me of her, or maybe to get her two so she can continue the tradition with her future kids. But I think what I will do is gift her the duplicate my parents gifted me of my special plush bear I received at birth, which is one of my most treasured possessions, and deeply meaningful to me. Thank you all for the advice, it is genuinely appreciated.
Comments
Mrs-Addams
YTA. Nothing quite says “you’re not like my other kids” like leaving her out of a family tradition when her turn came. I’m sorry about the loss of your baby and understand why you kept that stuffed animal for your own, however, the tradition could have started with her when she joined your family at age 2, or when you formally adopted her.
SmartassMouth89
YTA your kids grew up together and for years you never once thought to go and buy two stuffed animals for your adoptive daughter?
QueenKeisha
Right? In 16 years, and after giving 2 other bears away, she didn’t once think, hey what about youngest?
SmartassMouth89
Right? She liked the daughters dad enough to marry him but didn’t think that it would be a good idea to give the two year old a stuffie at the wedding?
Update - 6 days later
Long story short: my daughter found my reddit post, and came to me in tears apologizing for her reaction. This was NOT my expectation, and I assured her she had nothing to apologize for, as I had been in the wrong. We had a long discussion about the situation, our feelings, and how to move forward from this, and although I know she is still hurt we are on our way to making amends.
Long story long: so what even happened? As I've now discovered, my daughter loves browsing AITA. She stumbled on my post, and after reading it in it's entirety, as well as a good chunk of the comments (all of mine, and many left by other redditors) she came to me in tears apologizing for her reaction.
She sobbed in my arms that she didn't want this to be the end of our relationship, and that she was sorry, and wanted to enjoy this last summer together. I held her and assured her she had nothing to apologize for, and apologized myself (I did shed a little tear, but tried to keep my emotions in check as I did not want the burden of comforting me to be on her).
What followed was a productive but incredibly emotionally vulnerable conversation, the details of which I will not disclose entirely. She has been going through a rough time, and my impression (I could be wrong) is that the lack of a stuffie at graduation was a catalyst for bigger emotions. She did take me up on my offer to take her to dinner, and I've now booked a reservation at a nice restaurant she has been wanting to go to for a while.
And last night we cooked her favorite dinner together, which gave us an opportunity to smooth things over somewhat. We have not yet broached the subject of me intending to gift her my own plush, except for very briefly (she insisted I didn't have to, and seemed to feel a lot of guilt), but I still plan to. I just feel it would be best to wait until things have cooled down.
And if she truly doesn't feel comfortable taking it, I plan on getting a bear of a similar look to be its "little brother" for her to take care of. That's the update, obviously things have not magically mended overnight, but we are finally on-track to a resolution. Many thanks to all that left advice, and please check the comments below for clarification on many questions asked before passing any judgements (I far exceeded the allowed word limit, and have instead pasted much of what I intended to say here below).
Comments
aroundincircles
Read your first post and this one, and I feel it from both sides. My wife and I recently adopted a bio niece (13 yo this week) and she welcomes us as dad and mom, but we've run into a number of times where the kids will pull out something from a trip we went on, or an activity we did, etc years before she was ever in our lives, and she'll go "why don't you have one of those for me"? It's really hard, some of these things are simply impossible for us to get, and/or would cost us thousands of dollars (when We already spent 30+k on custody/adoption lawyers and court fees).
She also didn't even bring anything with her when we picked her up, she wasn't even allowed to bring a change of underwear. It's been something that we've had to deal with in counselling that her life with us didn't start till she was almost 12, and we have to begin fresh from there, we cannot turn back the clock and give her back an entire childhood she missed. Like when we went camping for the first time with her, and we were getting things out to visually see what we needed to get from the store and we pulled out the kid's sleeping bags, and she was like "where is mine", and the fact that we didn't already have one hurt her.
Glum_Hamster_1076
And that doesn’t make you an ahole. I hope no one will call you one. Situations change and you’re not always able to “make up for it”. OP didn’t do this to hurt her daughter and it’s weird people are painting it that way. I hope things are going well with you all in therapy and your family is making great strides together.
Comment from OOP
When I initially posted to AITA, I was prepared to face judgment, and open to constructive criticism. However, while I did receive many constructive comments, which I truly appreciate, I received many more that were hateful and unconstructive, and I will admit, I did get defensive. But the attitude I took on in the comments is not one I brought into my interactions with my daughter; please understand that I did not throw in her face all the kind things I feel I've done for her over the years, but was rather attempting to contextualize our relationship for strangers who've never met us.
And before passing any further judgment in the comments, please check below for answers to a lot of the questions asked in the original thread. To answer a few questions: why did I not adopt her until 10 years after I came into her life? Because I never sought to force myself on her as her mother, and waited until she could give me explicit consent to adopt her. Why did I never buy her any stuffed animals? I did. I bought her many when I first met her, as well as one for her official adoption day, and every adoption day celebration since.
And I did technically gift her a stuffed animal for her graduation, too, it was just a plush of her college's mascot rather than a duplicate of a treasured plush from her childhood. So why did I not buy her a duplicate at any point over the last 16 years? I did not think to until my oldest graduated and received hers, by which point I (mistakenly) felt the significance would be lost. Both my bio kids received stuffies saved for them for decades, whereas she would have received one saved for only four years. Instead I tried to honor her in other ways, such as (as I described in the comments) crafting her a cookbook of generational family recipes that I illustrated by hand, because she is her own individual.
Truthfully, while I understand the sentiments expressed in the comments, I don't believe recognizing differences is inherently a bad thing. The duplicate stuffies my bio kids received were duplicates of the very first stuffies to ever be in their crib with them. Their receival of them was a birth event, and I did not give birth to my youngest. But that does not mean I love her any less, or that she is any less my daughter.
We have established our own traditions honoring her entry into my life, such as our celebration of her adoption day, and while I realize I could have handled the stuffie situation better, I do believe it was an honest mistake. But how could I not include her in a treasured family tradition, knowing how important it is (especially as an adopted child) to feel a part of the family? Because I truly did not realize this one specific tradition meant as much to her as it did.
I have strived to include her in as many family traditions as possible throughout the years. As I mentioned in the comments, she speaks German because I taught and spoke it to her growing up, even though her father does not. We celebrate German traditions, such as baking countless batches of German Christmas cookies together every year (just the two of us, neither of her siblings have any interest in baking), which is something I grew up doing with my mom, and every year it is quality time I deeply treasure.
For her 16th birthday I gifted her the locket my mother gifted me on my 16th, which she'd been gifted by my grandmother before me - this actually upset my eldest daughter, who had not received such a hand-me-down, and this is just to name a few. So given the fact that she has on occasion received and taken part in traditions my other kids have been excluded from, I did not think the stuffie would carry as much weight as it ultimately did. But isn't her reaction an indication that there are larger issues at play, and that she has likely felt this way for a while? Perhaps.
I am not a perfect adoptive mother, and have never claimed to be. And I can not see inside her brain, so I cannot know her true feelings. But my sense - and I may be wrong! - is that the larger issues at play relate back to her bio mom, which is something she expressed to me in our conversation. I did not disclose this in my original post, because I did not believe it to be relevant, and it is also a painful topic within our family, but her bio mom committed suicide whilst in the thick of post-partum depression. This has obviously impacted my daughter, who has been in and out of therapy for years grappling with feelings of loss, and guilt.
She is highly sensitive to feeling isolated within our family unit, which is something I should have taken into account in this situation, and I own that. I realize this is a huge hunk of text, but given the visceral reaction many had, I felt it was important to cover my bases. Come to whatever conclusions you all like, I will likely not be checking the comments for my own mental health, and the wellbeing of my family. To all who left genuine advice, even if that meant calling me an asshole, I truly do appreciate you. And to all who said hateful things, especially in regard to the loss of my baby, please consider the impact your words may have moving forward
Comments
Rice-Correct
You’re a good mom. It might’ve been a mistake not to gift her the plush, and it might, as you said, just have been indicative of some larger big emotions going on, as graduating is a HUGE milestone and going to college is an enormous life change that is very rewarding and exciting, but also stressful. But it sounds like you’ve been amazing about creating beautiful memories and experiences together! I think at some point, the plush will be a distant memory. From your post, it seems pretty clear you DO have a good relationship, and you’re a caring, empathetic parent. ENJOY your summer together, Mama!
sharraleigh
Don't take the hateful comments personally; it's easy to be cruel online to a faceless stranger. Also, your original post didn't include all this info (it would've been impossible to anyway), and therefore lacked a lot of the back story and nuance that frankly, a real person's life experience encompasses. Your daughter probably saw your post and realized how her reaction hurt your feelings and read the hateful comments and felt bad for you. It sounds like you have a great relationship and you're lucky to have each other in your lives!
I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments
submitted by SharkEva to BORUpdates [link] [comments]
Concluded as per OOP
2 updates - Long
Original - 21st June 2022
Update1 - 27th June 2022
Comment from OOP - 27th June 2022
AITA for not giving my adopted daughter a stuffed animal for her high school graduation, when both of my biological children got one?
I [49f] have 3 children, [22f], [19m], and [18f]. My oldest are my biological children from a previous marriage, and my youngest I became a mother to at the age of 2 when I married her widowed father. She has only ever called me mom, and I officially adopted her at the age of 12.
Now on to the issue with the stuffed animals: years and years ago, when I was only 20 and in college, I worked at a children's museum. I adored the job and working with kids, and had the idea to buy stuffed animals from the gift shop to be my future-kids' first stuffed animals whenever they were born. I had gotten a stuffed bear at birth that was very special to me growing up, and on my 18th birthday my parents gifted me a duplicate they had bought way back when and kept for me all these years. I found this so special, and wanted to do something similar, so I bought 6 stuffed animals from the museum's gift shop; 3 to be given at birth, and 3 duplicates. I had no idea at the time how many kids I would have, but I knew I wasn't planning on having more than 3, so I didn't get any more.
My first daughter received the stuffed animal I selected for her while pregnant. Then, between her birth and the birth of my son, I miscarried. The experience was deeply traumatic for me, especially as I miscarried in my second trimester, and I buried my baby with the stuffed animal they would have gotten. I kept the duplicate to for comfort, to cuddle and hold.
Finally, my son was born and received the last of the stuffed animals I had set aside so many years ago. Now, here's where I may be the asshole. For both my daughter and son's high school graduations, I surprised them with the duplicates, for them to take to college with them and compare against the stuffies they've been loving on their whole lives. Both were very moved by this, and took both (original and duplicate) to school with them.
My youngest, however, never received a stuffed animal, and so when her graduation celebration rolled along I had no duplicate to gift her. I watched her unpack all her gifts, and her face fall when she got to the last one and realized. She didn't really say anything, just got this super sad look on her face, and excused herself to her room. I followed to ask what was wrong, but she said she didn't want to talk to me, so her father went in instead.
According to him she cried to him that she didn't feel as loved by me as her siblings, and as much a part of the family - the unwrapping of her siblings' stuffed animals were very emotional events, and she had had the expectation she'd be getting the same. In hindsight I could have easily done something similar for her whenever I first came into her life, even if it wouldn't have been from the museum, but I just didn't think of it. She has been cold to me this entire last week, and I feel so terrible, I've offered to take her out to a special dinner the two of us to make amends but she turned me down. AITA?
Edit: the votes are in, and I am definitively TA. Many of you are suggesting that I get her a stuffie that reminds me of her, or maybe to get her two so she can continue the tradition with her future kids. But I think what I will do is gift her the duplicate my parents gifted me of my special plush bear I received at birth, which is one of my most treasured possessions, and deeply meaningful to me. Thank you all for the advice, it is genuinely appreciated.
Comments
Mrs-Addams
YTA. Nothing quite says “you’re not like my other kids” like leaving her out of a family tradition when her turn came. I’m sorry about the loss of your baby and understand why you kept that stuffed animal for your own, however, the tradition could have started with her when she joined your family at age 2, or when you formally adopted her.
SmartassMouth89
YTA your kids grew up together and for years you never once thought to go and buy two stuffed animals for your adoptive daughter?
QueenKeisha
Right? In 16 years, and after giving 2 other bears away, she didn’t once think, hey what about youngest?
SmartassMouth89
Right? She liked the daughters dad enough to marry him but didn’t think that it would be a good idea to give the two year old a stuffie at the wedding?
Update - 6 days later
Long story short: my daughter found my reddit post, and came to me in tears apologizing for her reaction. This was NOT my expectation, and I assured her she had nothing to apologize for, as I had been in the wrong. We had a long discussion about the situation, our feelings, and how to move forward from this, and although I know she is still hurt we are on our way to making amends.
Long story long: so what even happened? As I've now discovered, my daughter loves browsing AITA. She stumbled on my post, and after reading it in it's entirety, as well as a good chunk of the comments (all of mine, and many left by other redditors) she came to me in tears apologizing for her reaction.
She sobbed in my arms that she didn't want this to be the end of our relationship, and that she was sorry, and wanted to enjoy this last summer together. I held her and assured her she had nothing to apologize for, and apologized myself (I did shed a little tear, but tried to keep my emotions in check as I did not want the burden of comforting me to be on her).
What followed was a productive but incredibly emotionally vulnerable conversation, the details of which I will not disclose entirely. She has been going through a rough time, and my impression (I could be wrong) is that the lack of a stuffie at graduation was a catalyst for bigger emotions. She did take me up on my offer to take her to dinner, and I've now booked a reservation at a nice restaurant she has been wanting to go to for a while.
And last night we cooked her favorite dinner together, which gave us an opportunity to smooth things over somewhat. We have not yet broached the subject of me intending to gift her my own plush, except for very briefly (she insisted I didn't have to, and seemed to feel a lot of guilt), but I still plan to. I just feel it would be best to wait until things have cooled down.
And if she truly doesn't feel comfortable taking it, I plan on getting a bear of a similar look to be its "little brother" for her to take care of. That's the update, obviously things have not magically mended overnight, but we are finally on-track to a resolution. Many thanks to all that left advice, and please check the comments below for clarification on many questions asked before passing any judgements (I far exceeded the allowed word limit, and have instead pasted much of what I intended to say here below).
Comments
aroundincircles
Read your first post and this one, and I feel it from both sides. My wife and I recently adopted a bio niece (13 yo this week) and she welcomes us as dad and mom, but we've run into a number of times where the kids will pull out something from a trip we went on, or an activity we did, etc years before she was ever in our lives, and she'll go "why don't you have one of those for me"? It's really hard, some of these things are simply impossible for us to get, and/or would cost us thousands of dollars (when We already spent 30+k on custody/adoption lawyers and court fees).
She also didn't even bring anything with her when we picked her up, she wasn't even allowed to bring a change of underwear. It's been something that we've had to deal with in counselling that her life with us didn't start till she was almost 12, and we have to begin fresh from there, we cannot turn back the clock and give her back an entire childhood she missed. Like when we went camping for the first time with her, and we were getting things out to visually see what we needed to get from the store and we pulled out the kid's sleeping bags, and she was like "where is mine", and the fact that we didn't already have one hurt her.
Glum_Hamster_1076
And that doesn’t make you an ahole. I hope no one will call you one. Situations change and you’re not always able to “make up for it”. OP didn’t do this to hurt her daughter and it’s weird people are painting it that way. I hope things are going well with you all in therapy and your family is making great strides together.
Comment from OOP
When I initially posted to AITA, I was prepared to face judgment, and open to constructive criticism. However, while I did receive many constructive comments, which I truly appreciate, I received many more that were hateful and unconstructive, and I will admit, I did get defensive. But the attitude I took on in the comments is not one I brought into my interactions with my daughter; please understand that I did not throw in her face all the kind things I feel I've done for her over the years, but was rather attempting to contextualize our relationship for strangers who've never met us.
And before passing any further judgment in the comments, please check below for answers to a lot of the questions asked in the original thread. To answer a few questions: why did I not adopt her until 10 years after I came into her life? Because I never sought to force myself on her as her mother, and waited until she could give me explicit consent to adopt her. Why did I never buy her any stuffed animals? I did. I bought her many when I first met her, as well as one for her official adoption day, and every adoption day celebration since.
And I did technically gift her a stuffed animal for her graduation, too, it was just a plush of her college's mascot rather than a duplicate of a treasured plush from her childhood. So why did I not buy her a duplicate at any point over the last 16 years? I did not think to until my oldest graduated and received hers, by which point I (mistakenly) felt the significance would be lost. Both my bio kids received stuffies saved for them for decades, whereas she would have received one saved for only four years. Instead I tried to honor her in other ways, such as (as I described in the comments) crafting her a cookbook of generational family recipes that I illustrated by hand, because she is her own individual.
Truthfully, while I understand the sentiments expressed in the comments, I don't believe recognizing differences is inherently a bad thing. The duplicate stuffies my bio kids received were duplicates of the very first stuffies to ever be in their crib with them. Their receival of them was a birth event, and I did not give birth to my youngest. But that does not mean I love her any less, or that she is any less my daughter.
We have established our own traditions honoring her entry into my life, such as our celebration of her adoption day, and while I realize I could have handled the stuffie situation better, I do believe it was an honest mistake. But how could I not include her in a treasured family tradition, knowing how important it is (especially as an adopted child) to feel a part of the family? Because I truly did not realize this one specific tradition meant as much to her as it did.
I have strived to include her in as many family traditions as possible throughout the years. As I mentioned in the comments, she speaks German because I taught and spoke it to her growing up, even though her father does not. We celebrate German traditions, such as baking countless batches of German Christmas cookies together every year (just the two of us, neither of her siblings have any interest in baking), which is something I grew up doing with my mom, and every year it is quality time I deeply treasure.
For her 16th birthday I gifted her the locket my mother gifted me on my 16th, which she'd been gifted by my grandmother before me - this actually upset my eldest daughter, who had not received such a hand-me-down, and this is just to name a few. So given the fact that she has on occasion received and taken part in traditions my other kids have been excluded from, I did not think the stuffie would carry as much weight as it ultimately did. But isn't her reaction an indication that there are larger issues at play, and that she has likely felt this way for a while? Perhaps.
I am not a perfect adoptive mother, and have never claimed to be. And I can not see inside her brain, so I cannot know her true feelings. But my sense - and I may be wrong! - is that the larger issues at play relate back to her bio mom, which is something she expressed to me in our conversation. I did not disclose this in my original post, because I did not believe it to be relevant, and it is also a painful topic within our family, but her bio mom committed suicide whilst in the thick of post-partum depression. This has obviously impacted my daughter, who has been in and out of therapy for years grappling with feelings of loss, and guilt.
She is highly sensitive to feeling isolated within our family unit, which is something I should have taken into account in this situation, and I own that. I realize this is a huge hunk of text, but given the visceral reaction many had, I felt it was important to cover my bases. Come to whatever conclusions you all like, I will likely not be checking the comments for my own mental health, and the wellbeing of my family. To all who left genuine advice, even if that meant calling me an asshole, I truly do appreciate you. And to all who said hateful things, especially in regard to the loss of my baby, please consider the impact your words may have moving forward
Comments
Rice-Correct
You’re a good mom. It might’ve been a mistake not to gift her the plush, and it might, as you said, just have been indicative of some larger big emotions going on, as graduating is a HUGE milestone and going to college is an enormous life change that is very rewarding and exciting, but also stressful. But it sounds like you’ve been amazing about creating beautiful memories and experiences together! I think at some point, the plush will be a distant memory. From your post, it seems pretty clear you DO have a good relationship, and you’re a caring, empathetic parent. ENJOY your summer together, Mama!
sharraleigh
Don't take the hateful comments personally; it's easy to be cruel online to a faceless stranger. Also, your original post didn't include all this info (it would've been impossible to anyway), and therefore lacked a lot of the back story and nuance that frankly, a real person's life experience encompasses. Your daughter probably saw your post and realized how her reaction hurt your feelings and read the hateful comments and felt bad for you. It sounds like you have a great relationship and you're lucky to have each other in your lives!
I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments
2024.05.21 15:01 FelicitySmoak_ Tuesday, May 21, 2013 - Jackson v. AEG Live Day 15
 | Trial Day 15 submitted by FelicitySmoak_ to WhereWasMJToday [link] [comments] Katherine, Rebbie and Trent Jackson are at court. LA Times reported that the Jacksons offered a settlement. Kevin Boyle , a lawyer for Katherine Jackson and Michael's kids , said they offered to settle the lawsuit against AEG, but that they never got an answer. Kevin Boyle said the family made the offers in January & March. Boyle would not provide details but said AEG's insurance would have paid, which means they could have settled the case without them paying a dime of their money. He said AEG has never offered to settle & they haven't apologized. Marvin Putnam, an attorney for AEG, said it was inappropriate to discuss settlement discussions: "We don't settle matters that are utterly baseless. We believe that is the case in this matter. I can't see why we would consider a settlement as anything other than a shakedown"CNN Reports there was a snack controversy during trial: AEG lawyers gave a bag of peppermint candy to the bailiff to hand out to the jury this week. Even Katherine Jackson enjoyed the treat but Jackson's lawyer raised an objection, suggesting jurors might be influenced if they realized the source of the sweets. A compromise was reached. Each side can provide snacks for jurors, but they'll be placed at the bailiff's desk before jurors enter court so they have no clue who brought it. Shawn Trell Testimony Jackson direct AEG Live General Counsel, Shawn Trell, told jurors that he had forgotten that Kenny Ortega was working under a signed contract. Trell said he met with his attorneys last night and reviewed one doc -- Kenny Ortega's contract. "He had a written contract," Trell said. "I remember the email dynamic. I'm not too proud to admit that I didn't recall the cover contract," Trell said he was changing his previous testimony to add that Ortega had a written contract, not only emails between him and AEGNext topic was Insurance: Cancellation/Non-Appearance/Sickness. Trell said he started working on insurance for the tour in November of 2008. Panish showed several chains of emails where the parties talked about the insurance for the tour Email from Bob Taylor insurance broker to Trell on 1/7/09: "Prior to speaking with carriers we ask the artist to attend medical with a doctor...A full medical with both blood/urine tests. The doctor also wants to review the medical records over the last 5 years to ensure full disclosure. Insurers require further medical examination to be carried out by their nominated doctor. They may restrict illness coverage or death from illness coverage until this examination has taken place"Email from 4/30/09 - Wooley to Trell : "We have no coverage against Michael sickness unless and until he submits to another medical in LondonEmail from 5/28/09 - Trell to Taylor: "We really need to get that medical done"Email from 6/23/09 - Trell to Taylor : "Any update on the availability of Term insurance?" (life insurance)Trell said if they secured life insurance, they would get money if Michael died. "We would get the money owed to us, yes," Trell testified.Trell also said he continued discussions with an insurance broker about additional coverage to recoup AEG Live's investment if the tour had to be canceled. Email from 6/24/09 -Taylor to Trell : "Insurers have refused to move on this. Huge amount of speculation in the media regarding artist's health. They feel if they're to consider providing illness to cover this particular artist, they must have very through medical report"Email from 6/25/09 - Gongaware to Taylor : "If we don't get sickness coverage, we are dropping this policy"Email from 6/25/09 - Taylor to Gongaware : "The consultation in London is critical. The doctor is holding the afternoon of the 6th July open at Harley St. But keep in mind the visit could take 2 hours plus"Next topic: Budget/Costs. Panish showed an email from AEG's Rick Webking to Michael's estate with 1st report of artist advances/expenses. This was a letter sent to the estate containing the expenses incurred, Trell said. "It seems to me we submitted this report for their review, I don't see any request for payment," Trell said.Trell said he spoke with Randy Phillips and Paul Gongaware about Michael's physical condition prior to coming to testify. "I had heard about rehearsals in which Mr. Jackson was fantastic," Trell saidTrell said he's aware of email from Ortega saying doctor was not allowing Michael to attend rehearsal on June 14, 2009. "I was aware of the doctor not allowing him to attend rehearsal," Trell saidEmail from 6/17/09 from Phillips: "...Ortega, Gongaware, Dileo, and his doctor Conrad from Vegas and I have an intervention with him to get him to focus and come to rehearsal"Email from 6/17/09 from Gongaware to Phillip's assistant: "We need a physical therapist and a nutritionist"Email from Production Manager - Gongaware/Phillips on 6/19/09 : "Paul/Randy I'm not bring a drama queen here. Kenny asked me to notify you both Michael was sent home without stepping foot on stage. He was a basket case and Kenny was concerned he would embarrass himself on stage, or worse yet, be hurt. The company is rehearsing right now, but the DOUBT is pervasive"Email from Randy Phillips to Tim Leiweke on 6/19/09 : "We have a huge problem here."Trell agreed with a statement by plaintiff's attorney, Brian Panish, that company executives knew by then there was a "deep issue" with Jackson Does Trell consider that exchange a "red flag" that AEG Live should have noticed, Panish asked. "I would take it seriously, as I believe Mr. Phillips did," Trell answered. "I don't know I would use the word 'red flag'One of the emails shown to the jury was from Jackson estate co-executor John Branca, sent 5 days before Jackson's death & marked 'confidential': "I have the right therapist/spiritual advisosubstance abuse counselor who could help (recently helped Mike Tyson get sober and paroled) Do we know whether there is a substance issue involved (perhaps better discussed on the phone)The email was sent the same day that a meeting was held at Jackson's home with Murray. No further info given to jury. Trell said Mr. Phillips never told him about this email Email from Ortega to Randy Phillips on 6/20/09: (chain of emails) "I honestly don't think he is ready for this based on his continued physical weakening and deepening emotional state"Trell said he didn't see these emails. He said he spoke with Randy Phillips about Phillips' perception of Michael, in order to prepare for testifying, but not about specific emails. Trell has been designated as the most qualified person to speak on behalf of AEG Email from Phillips to Gongaware on 6/20/09 at 1:52 am : "Tim and I are going to see him tomorrow, however, I'm not sure what the problem is Chemical or Physiological?"From Gongaware to Phillips, on 6/20/09 at 5:59 am : "Take the doctor with you. Why wasn't he there last night?"From Phillips to Gongaware, on 6/20/09 at 2:01 pm : "He is not a psychiatrist so I'm not sure how effective he can be at this point obviously, getting him there is not the issue. It is much deeper"Trell said Randy Phillips went to a handful of rehearsals, three at the Forum and two at Staples Center. The head of the marketing department attended rehearsal on June 23, 2009. "She was blown away by it," Trell testified.He said he was unaware of issues with Jackson at rehearsals. "I knew of no problems with Michael Jackson at all",Trell testified.Trell said he never saw the emails from Phillips directing people to exclude images from This Is It of Michael looking "skeletal" while rehearsing. "What were his observations of Michael's physical condition during rehearsal," Trell said. "I asked for his (Phillips) personal opinion."Next line of questioning is about human resources and background checks. Trell said they can be valuable and useful tools when hiring. Background check costs around $40 to $125. Trell said AEG Live could afford this fee. "We don't do background checks on independent contractors," Trell said. Trell said he was involved in the hiring by AEG Live for the This Is It tour. His department was responsible for retaining independent contractors. Trell said he is not familiar with background check process for hiring. "I am not familiar with the process of doing background checks," Trell said. "No training." Panish: "There was no hiring criteria for the This Is It tour, correct?"Trell: "Not to my knowledge" Trell testified that when it comes to independent contractors, they have either worked with the artists, AEG or known in the industry. Trell agreed that no background check was done on anyone working on the This Is It tour. AEG Live General Counsel Shawn Trell told jurors that no legal or financial checks were done involving Conrad Murray or anyone else who worked as an independent contractor on the This Is It shows. Depending on the nature of the position, a background could be done, Trell said, like for potential employees in the financial area. Trell said he thought a background check would be appropriate for people working in financial roles, but not tour personnel who weren't employees of AEG As to independent contractors, Trell said there's no supervision and monitoring like there's for employees Panish: "You don't do anything to check into background, supervise or protect the artist?"Trell: "No, safety is a concern" Trell said that AEG did not hire Murray, that the doctor was like many independent contractors, "When they leave the environment, what they do on their own time is their own business"Trell testified he doesn't believe the artist is more at risk because AEG Live doesn't do background checks "We did nothing to monitor Dr. Murray," Trell said. "We did not monitor whatever it was that he was doing, no.""It called for Michael Jackson being able to terminate Dr. Murray at will," Trell said about the contract. "If the concerts didn't go forward, and he was terminated under this provision, Dr. Murray would not be paid going forward," Trell explained As to Dr Murray being under dire financial straits, Trell said that he doesn't know if he agrees with it, everyone's perception is different Trell: "I certainly wasn't aware of it at the time"Panish: "Because you didn't check, right?" Trell: "That's right" "I don't think conflict of interests are a good thing, and we would want to prevent it," Trell said Email from Kathy Jorie to Shawn Trell on 6/24/09 at 12:54 am: Subject: Revised agreement with GCA Holdings/Dr. MurrayIt had two attachments Attachments: Revised Michael Jackson -AEG GCA Holdings Murray Agreement 6-18-09 Final MJ -- AEG GCA Holdings Agreement (Dr. Murray) 6-23-09Email chain from 6/23/09, 5:39pm from Jorrie to Wooley, Murray Subject: RE: Michael Jackson - Revised Agreement with GCA Holdings/Dr. Murray Email:"I have redlined the Word version so that you can see all of the revisions. In addition, I've attached clean PDF version for execution" (The email says that if Dr. Murray approved it, he was to print it, sign and send it back to Jorrie) Panish: "Did Ms. Jorrie call this contract a draft?"Trell: "She called it a Final Version" "Every document is a draft until it is executed," Trell said. Panish showed emails exchanged among AEG executives that contained drafts of Murray's contract. Although Murray had signed a contract with the company, neither Jackson nor anyone from AEG had added their signatures. Trell testified that a copy of the contract had never been sent to Jackson With Trell on the stand, Panish played part of an interview that AEG Live President Randy Phillips gave to Sky News television soon after Michael's death. "This guy was willing to leave his practice for a very large sum of money, so we hired him," Phillips said.Panish also showed jurors an e-mail between AEG lawyers suggesting that Phillips told other interviewers AEG Live "hired" Murray. Panish: "Isn't it true that Randy Phillips made numerous comments that AEG Live hired Dr. Murray?"Trell: "I know he has made that statement" Panish said AEG higher-ups became concerned after Phillips made such admission. Trell said he didn't know if that was true. Bruce Black is the General Counsel for parent company of AEG and AEG Live. Michael Roth is AEG's media relations Email from Kathy Jorrie to Bruce Black and Michael Roth on 8/25/09: Subject: AEG Live president says AEG Live hired Dr. Conrad MurrayPanish shows Trell a deposition, under oath, given by insurance broker Bob Taylor on another case. Trell said he has never seen or read it. Trell denied having a telephone conversation with Mr. Taylor where Trell asked him if a doctor's compensation was covered in the insurance. Panish: "Does that refresh your recollection that AEG was employing Dr. Murray?"Trell: "Mr. Taylor has this completely wrong" After lunch break, Brian Panish asked if Shawn Trell wanted to change anything else in his testimony, to which he said "No" Bruce Black, attorney for Anschutz, was present in the meeting with LAPD. Trell met with the police on 1/12/10. Trell told the police that day that Dr. Murray would receive $150,000 compensation per month. Trell also said that Dr. Murray requested and AEG would provide necessary medical equipment and a nurse. More than five months after Jackson's death, Trell said, he informed LAPD detectives that Murray initially requested $5 million to join the tour but eventually agreed to a salary of $150,000 a month for 10 months. Panish: "As far as you know, all the agreements written for TII tour was done under AEG Live Productions, right?"Trell: "Yes" Panish: "Was Dr. Murray trying to help AEG get insurance?" Trell: "The policy was in both names, so he was helping both parties" Trell said Dennis Hawk, who represented Michael, was in touch with Taylor regarding the insurance Panish: "As of June 2009, you don't even know whether Mr. Jackson had a personal managerTrell: "Well, my understanding at the time there were a couple of people acting in that capacity" Email on 6/2/09 from Randy Phillips to Jeff Wald: "Jeff, remember getting Michael to focus is not the easiest thing in the world and we still have no lawyer, business manager, or, even real manager in place. It is a nightmare!"Trell said the only time he saw an artist's signature required to retain an independent contractor was for Dr. Murray. Trell said his understanding was that Dr. Murray worked for Michael for 3 years; didn't know how many times MJ saw Dr. Murray. "I've never spoken with Dr. Murray ever. And I met/spoke with Mr. Jackson once," Trell said. "He was a significant expense," Trell testified about Dr. Murray.Trell said AEG Live didn't do anything to check Dr. Murray's competency as doctor, other than checking his physician license. Trell said AEG didn't do anything to determine Dr. Murray's financial conditions in 2009. Jury was shown an email that Phillips sent to Kenny Ortega on night of June 20, 2009. It was email urging Ortega to stand down. Email on 6/20/09 Phillips to Ortega : "Kenny it's critical that neither you, me, anyone around this show become amateur psychiatrist/physicians. I had a lengthy conversation with Dr. Murray, who I am gaining immense respect for as I get to deal with him more. He said that Michael is not only physically equipped to perform & discouraging him to will hasten his decline instead of stopping it. Dr. Murray also reiterated that he is mentally able to and was speaking to me from the house where he had spent the morning with Michael. This doctor is extremely successful (we check everyone out) and does not need this gig so he is totally unbiased and ethical"Panish asked Trell whether Phillips "characterization to Ortega, given no background check was done, was a lie". Trell responded that he didn't know what Phillips knew or was thinking when he wrote that email to Ortega. Trell also said he expected Randy Phillips to testify at some point during the trial, so he could address the email himself Panish then asked Trell, "Sir, you never checked out one single thing about Dr. Murray -- you've already told me that, correct?""As of the date of the email, that would've been correct",Trell said. When pressed by Panish, Trell said that Phillips' statement that Murray had been checked out, along with the executive's claim that the doctor 'does not need this gig' were inaccurate. "I don't know where Randy's understanding or impression comes from", Trell said.Trell testified that Phillips might have been "misinformed" or simply was stating his impression of the Las Vegas cardiologist Panish: "But no one at AEG checked Dr. Murray to see if he was successful or not, isn't that true?"Trell: "Yes" Panish then asked several pointed questions about whether Shawn Trell agreed with Phillips telling Ortega they'd checked Murray out. One of Panish's questions was whether Trell thought Phillips' email was 'acceptable conduct' Panish called Phillips' statement "a flat out lie" and asked Trell whether he agreed with it or if it signified how AEG did business. Trell said he didn't know what Phillips thought he knew when he wrote the message. "I know this statement is not accurate, but you'd have to speak with Mr. Phillips about what he thought or meant in saying it," Trell said. Panish: "That's a flat out lie, isn't it sir?"Trell: "I don't know what Mr. Phillips intended to say, this should be a question to him" Panish: "You don't know if he was successful or facing bankruptcy, did you?" Trell: "No" Trell: "I know the statement is not accurate. You have to speak with Mr. Phillips about what he meant to say" Panish: "Do you agree with the CEO of your company making untrue statements?" Trell: "I don't know that he didn't know it wasn't true when he said it" Trell said Phillips never told him that he checked Dr. Murray out. As to reference in Phillips' email about Dr. Murray being unbiased, ethical, not needing this gig, Trell said it was Phillips' impressions. He said AEG typically only runs background checks on candidates applying for full-time jobs with AEG, not independent contractors. Panish: "Isn't it true AEG Live does not do background check on independent contractors?"Trell: "That's true" Trell said that no one from AEG interviewed Dr. Murray because he was an independent contractor. "Did anyone from AEG ever at any time interview Dr. Murray", asked Brian Panish"No", Trell replied. Panish showed a document used by AEG entitled "Disclosure and Authorization to Conduct Background Check". Doc is used for employment, promotion, retention, contingent or the rate staffing, consulting, sub-contract work, or volunteer work. Panish asked if there was any reason why Dr. Murray was not given a background check. "He wasn't an employee, he wasn't applying for a full time position with the company," Trell explained.Trell said theoretically they could've asked to check Dr. Murray's background and credit. AEG Cross Jessica Bina began her examination by showing the letter submitted by AEG's CFO to the Estate of Michael Jackson for their review. She asked Shawn Trell about the estimate presented to Jackson's estate that included Murray's $300k fees. She asked why it was prepared. Shawn Trell said it was done at the request of the estate. He said Jackson's estate wanted to know state of tour finances when Jackson died. Trell said the report was requested by the Estate after a series of meetings after Michael's death. "The purpose of the meeting was to wind up the business affairs of the tour due to Michael's death", Trell said. "It was my understating in June Tohme was back in the picture in some capacity. I'm not sure which, Mr. DiLeo was in it too," Trell saidBina: "Is there any request for payment?" Trell: "No, there's no demand for payment, it's for review" Stebbins Bina asked about the inclusion of Murray's fee in the document. Bina showed the report that was attached to the letter. Murray's fee on the document had a footnote. Trell read what that footnote said, and explained why estate wasn't asked for Murray's fee. Next to "Management Medical" there's a reference to footnote 3. Note 3: 'Contract is not signed by Michael Jackson and such signature was condition precedent to any payment obligation' - Footnote on Murray fee.Trell testified Webking, the CFO for AEG, did not ask Michael's Estate for payment of Dr. Murray's salary "You testified you were somewhat confused (by the inclusion of the $300,000)?", Bina asked Trell as she projected the list, dated July 17, 2009, on a screen for jurors."Do you see there's something in parentheses?', Stebbins Bina asked, zooming in to blow up a footnote from AEG CFO Frederick Webking that stated Michael Jackson never signed Murray's contract, so its terms were not enforceable. "Is Mr. Webking asking the estate to pay?", Stebbins Bina asked Trell. "No", he replied, explaining that upon reflection he believed Mr. Webking was just being 'thorough' by including the $300,000 as a budgeted cost. "Did Mr. Webking make a mistake as you thought yesterday?",she asked. "No, he did not", Trell answered Second report made to the Estate on 9/18/09, there was no amount next to management medical. Stebbins Bina then showed a Sept. 2009 report of This Is It's finances to Michael Jackson's estate. Murray's fee is not listed in that document Trell went through his job description with AEG. He said he has five lawyers in his department and has worked on thousands of agreements. Trell explained what PMK is -- Person Most Knowledgeable, identified by the company to testify on its behalf. Trell said he didn't know about all the topics he was designated, so he had to do some studying and interviews with people As to Ortega's contract, Trell said he was aware of a string of emails being at least a part of the original agreement with Kenny. "When we were done here yesterday, I looked at Kenny Ortega's original agreement," Trell said.Trell noted he hadn't looked at Ortega's agreement since it was entered into in 2009. Before the afternoon break, Trell and jury were shown Kenny Ortega's tour agreement. It was signed in April 2009. The agreement was three pages of legalese, with several pages of emails attached that confirmed the terms. The first three pages included some paragraphs that described who owned the rights to This Is It content. A large number of emails are part of the agreement as exhibits. Trell said he recalled the emails exchange and admitted again not being proud of forgetting the cover contract portion. Bina showed Ortega's executed contract with everyone's signature on it. Trell said Kenny Ortega was paid after his contract was signed. Trell, Phillips and Kathy Jorrie were involved in drafting and negotiating the contract with Michael Jackson. For MJ, Trell said Dr. Tohme Tohme and attorneys Dennis Hawk and Peter Lopez represented him. He said there were multiple drafts. "It's my understanding they were talking to, or at least receiving offers from, a competitive of ours, Live Nation," Trell said.Trell also said that before signing an agreement with AEG, Jackson had been considering a tour offer from its main competitor, Live Nation. Bina showed the jury the final tour agreement. Trell said he went to MJ's home at Carolwood to sign it. Upon arrival, Trell said Mr. Jackson got up from where he was seated, and said 'Hi, welcome, I'm Michael." Trell said it was pretty funny, since he was a very distinct person. Trell said they shook hands, he had a good firm handshake and his voice was not what people think "He popped up, came over, introduced himself, was very cordial, there was a real positive energy, good vibe in the room," Trell said. "He seemed genuinely enthused," Trell added. "He had the contract in front of him, said he read every page, seemed very enthused." Trell said they all signed it and Mr. Jackson was really keen on the 3-D stuff, that he was already down the road in his mind. "I was probably there just a little less than an hour. And that was the only time I met him," Trell recalled.Bina discussed the contract for the tour agreement: A first class performance by Artist at each show on each of the approved itineraries. Contract: Artist shall perform no less than 80 minutes at each show, and the maximum show length for each show shall be 3.5 hours. Artist shall approve a sufficient number of shows on itineraries proposed by promoter or producer as to recoup the advances made.Trell said compensation was agreed on 90-10 split. Artist received 90% of what's defined contingent compensation. Trell explained to jury how concerts get paid for. One scenario is artist pays for production up front. A second scenario is that the promoter gives artist an advance, and then they use the money to put together the show. The third option, Trell said, is the artist pays someone like AEG Live to produce and promote the show, with costs to come out of their pay. Trell called the second and third option like an interest-free loan. In Jackson's case, AEG agreed to a 90/10 split of show's proceeds. Jackson would have received the 90% portion, Trell said. Jackson was also on the hook for a 5% production fee AEG Live was promoter & producer. "We advanced the money necessary to mount the tour," Trell explained. "It's interest free money".Trell testified that Jackson's advance, which covered his $100,000-a-month rent on his mansion and a $3-million payment to settle a lawsuit that would free up his performance rights, was considered a loan to be paid back to AEG. Part of the advance was to pay off the settlement agreement of $3 million in London court. The underlying dispute was that a company owned the rights for Jackson's live performance. "The rights needed to be freed up," Trell said.The advances were to be paid back to AEG Live before the split of revenue. Production Advances were capped to $7.5 million. Contract: Artist was responsible for all the production costs in excess of the cap and had to reimburse promoter. "Michael Jackson was known to have very elaborate productions," Trell said. "Production values can get significant, for lack of a better word, it really depends on how many bells and whistles they want," Trell said.Trell said AEG would not advance money without the artist requesting it. Trell said it's not only typical and customary, but standard and artist needs to secure either non-appearance or cancellation insurance. Their interest in the policy, Trell said, was to cover the advances and production costs incurred with the production of the show. "If the were no obligations to AEG, the payout would go back to the artist", Trell explained, "It just recoups our loan made to the artist."Trell was also asked about elements of tour insurance policies and an agreement with former manager Tohme Tohme. Jackson's contract called for him to represent to AEG that he didn't have any health conditions that would keep him from performing. Contract: Artistco hereby represents and warrants that artist does not possess any known health conditions, injuries or ailments that would reasonable be expected to interfere with Artist's first class performance at each of the shows during the termOh Tohme's $100k per month agreement, Trell was shown a January contract that Jackson signed to pay that amount. However, Trell said Tohme's agreement was predicated on Jackson getting tour cancellation insurance by a certain date. Deadline passed and by that point Tohme was no longer Jackson's manager, so he wasn't entitled to be paid his monthly fee. January 24, 2009 -- agreement entered with Dr. Tohme Tohme. Trell said Michael was involved and signed this agreement. "This agreement was entered into January 26, Trell testified. "There are conditions that needed to be met before any payment could be made."One of the the conditions was placement of non-appearance insurance, Trell said. That placement was done in late April, early May. In May, AEG received letter from MJ saying Tohme didn't rep him anymore. "No payments were ever made under this agreement," Trell explained.Court Transcript Rebbie Jackson attending court https://preview.redd.it/mmatrsug5o1d1.jpg?width=443&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b2bb18c8e5e6bca215719208409346bccaf96bc4 https://preview.redd.it/h6ywhnug5o1d1.jpg?width=443&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4576d97371141a308ad6300fb33400f28ed009e3 https://preview.redd.it/wd14srug5o1d1.jpg?width=508&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=31ded1abac7f1916fc67b5d0b264dd231b96f275 https://preview.redd.it/pvrb3vug5o1d1.jpg?width=423&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2e4e93a20eccf030747d4ee60a95365b5e41e9ce https://preview.redd.it/yexbwrug5o1d1.jpg?width=419&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c26155b8478e7c48f8863d946b836f1ab2a13fe8 https://preview.redd.it/o6nzk0vg5o1d1.jpg?width=483&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f146baaaa738ec5fe700fa42aaf58e138f21165f https://preview.redd.it/vuozioug5o1d1.jpg?width=431&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f229517cb96a8f80571439f6f0e27f8c6c7852bc |
2024.05.21 15:01 aznpersuazion Is Software Engineering a Good Job in 2023?
To preface this post, I want to give the disclaimer that like many things, there is not a black and white answer the question. I'm writing this as an experienced tech professional, and the information provided is based on opinion.
To start with. A little bit of history..
The golden age of software engineering(and similar jobs) is over. At least for the next 5 - 10 years. I don't think this is an unpopular opinion. The reason why between the years of 2010 - 2022, these jobs exploded, was because of the boom of the internet for commercial and personal use.
This is different from the dotcom boom of 2000s, where the internet was just starting and most of the products being created were for basic things like: putting banking on the internet, putting videos on the internet, etc.
The boom in the 2010s was related to the widespread popularity of commercial and personal products. Things like Uber, Spotify, and Salesforce. With the sudden increased usage of the digital world, there were MILLIONS of companies rushing to create digital products.
However, we're starting to see the rise and fall of some of these products, millions of startups failings, and less VC funding. In case you don't know, VC stands for Venture Capital, which are basically investment companies that give money to other companies to help them grow and develop, in return for partial ownership of the company.
As the industry began to mature, successful companies started to emerge, and many more started to fail.
The present day..
Software engineering and like jobs will continue to be important, and there will be a high demands for these engineers. Nearly every company will still need a website, a place to manage their data, and people to manage their hardware. BUT.. the basic technologies they need to run their company will become more efficient. AND there will be less research and innovation because the a lot of the trial and error already occurred.
We're in a weird spot where the demand for workers is now decreasing from it's recent peaks, and the supply of workers is now increasing because of how all the benefits of being a software engineer in the past decade.
This has really unfortunate consequences for any recent graduates or others trying to break into the tech field. There are WAY more beginning career people than jobs available. Which is made even worse with the amount of layoffs there are, where mid-level employees are now having to settle for entry level jobs.
What can we do?
I have two pieces of advice for people interested in the topic, or wanting to break into the field but can't. Try breaking in from a adjacent field, where you can get some exposure to tech. Things that data entry, analytics(this can be finance, supply chain etc). Then try to learn as much as you can from the tech people at your company.
The second piece of advice. Go into a different field. Software engineering is not for everyone. You have to learn and understand some relatively complex topics, and it's becoming harder and harder to be competitive in the industry. Healthcare, supply chain, and many other industries are booming right now.
Understanding history, you can see that certain industries will rise and fall. For the near future, technology might be one of the harder careers to break into. Something like healthcare would be that's expected to grow exponentially. The average population of the world is getting older, as less and less people are wanting to have kids. There will be higher demand for healthcare professionals and healthcare technology.
Do your best to review and understand these trends, and hopefully you can create a good life and career. Best of luck!
**If you found any of this helpful, consider checking out a referral link. You get additional sign up and welcome bonuses. Signing up and using Rakuten for cash back is free!*\*
submitted by aznpersuazion to dataengineeringstuff [link] [comments]
To start with. A little bit of history..
The golden age of software engineering(and similar jobs) is over. At least for the next 5 - 10 years. I don't think this is an unpopular opinion. The reason why between the years of 2010 - 2022, these jobs exploded, was because of the boom of the internet for commercial and personal use.
This is different from the dotcom boom of 2000s, where the internet was just starting and most of the products being created were for basic things like: putting banking on the internet, putting videos on the internet, etc.
The boom in the 2010s was related to the widespread popularity of commercial and personal products. Things like Uber, Spotify, and Salesforce. With the sudden increased usage of the digital world, there were MILLIONS of companies rushing to create digital products.
However, we're starting to see the rise and fall of some of these products, millions of startups failings, and less VC funding. In case you don't know, VC stands for Venture Capital, which are basically investment companies that give money to other companies to help them grow and develop, in return for partial ownership of the company.
As the industry began to mature, successful companies started to emerge, and many more started to fail.
The present day..
Software engineering and like jobs will continue to be important, and there will be a high demands for these engineers. Nearly every company will still need a website, a place to manage their data, and people to manage their hardware. BUT.. the basic technologies they need to run their company will become more efficient. AND there will be less research and innovation because the a lot of the trial and error already occurred.
We're in a weird spot where the demand for workers is now decreasing from it's recent peaks, and the supply of workers is now increasing because of how all the benefits of being a software engineer in the past decade.
This has really unfortunate consequences for any recent graduates or others trying to break into the tech field. There are WAY more beginning career people than jobs available. Which is made even worse with the amount of layoffs there are, where mid-level employees are now having to settle for entry level jobs.
What can we do?
I have two pieces of advice for people interested in the topic, or wanting to break into the field but can't. Try breaking in from a adjacent field, where you can get some exposure to tech. Things that data entry, analytics(this can be finance, supply chain etc). Then try to learn as much as you can from the tech people at your company.
The second piece of advice. Go into a different field. Software engineering is not for everyone. You have to learn and understand some relatively complex topics, and it's becoming harder and harder to be competitive in the industry. Healthcare, supply chain, and many other industries are booming right now.
Understanding history, you can see that certain industries will rise and fall. For the near future, technology might be one of the harder careers to break into. Something like healthcare would be that's expected to grow exponentially. The average population of the world is getting older, as less and less people are wanting to have kids. There will be higher demand for healthcare professionals and healthcare technology.
Do your best to review and understand these trends, and hopefully you can create a good life and career. Best of luck!
**If you found any of this helpful, consider checking out a referral link. You get additional sign up and welcome bonuses. Signing up and using Rakuten for cash back is free!*\*
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2024.05.21 15:00 MaleficentAddendum11 Small Garden App
Hello! I’m looking for a garden (iPhone) app to help me plan out an 8x4 raised bed, so a small backyard vegetable and fruit garden.
I have a herb garden and flowering plants, so not new to gardening…but, TBH, I never really planned out the herb garden for instance. I just planted a bunch of herbs together (potager style). This is my first time building a garden with what my family can eat, so I would like to plan things out instead of haphazardly planting things.
I’m looking for an app that can help visually with how much space allot for each plant, what is good to plant together, and when to plant them. So a planning app.
I searched this sub and see some recommendations for seedtime and vegplotter. Are these good apps to use in your experience? Are there other apps you use?
submitted by MaleficentAddendum11 to gardening [link] [comments]
I have a herb garden and flowering plants, so not new to gardening…but, TBH, I never really planned out the herb garden for instance. I just planted a bunch of herbs together (potager style). This is my first time building a garden with what my family can eat, so I would like to plan things out instead of haphazardly planting things.
I’m looking for an app that can help visually with how much space allot for each plant, what is good to plant together, and when to plant them. So a planning app.
I searched this sub and see some recommendations for seedtime and vegplotter. Are these good apps to use in your experience? Are there other apps you use?
2024.05.21 15:00 confidentbutsleepy How Do You Handle Being 'Tested' in Dating? I Think It's Absolutely WILD!
TL;DR: Matched with a seemingly great guy on Bumble, hit it off well, moved to texting and phone calls, only to have him "test" me on our first disagreement about who should pay on dates. Despite forgiving him, he responded with hateful accusations, leaving me to move on from his manipulative behaviour.
Hey everyone,
I need some advice on a situation that’s been bothering me. Here’s the full story:
I (32) matched with this guy (37) on Bumble recently, and we hit it off immediately. We spent hours texting and eventually, we moved to a phone call that lasted several hours. We got along so well that he mentioned he would have liked to take me out that day, but he already had plans with his friends to watch an F1 race and a football match. I appreciated his honesty and told him it was fine, and we continued talking throughout the day, even while he was with his friends. It was going SPLENDIDLY!
However, out of nowhere, he made a condescending comment about my Instagram, saying it looks like he’d have to sell a kidney to take a girl like me out. I found it extremely offensive and told him that while I’m financially comfortable and can pay for myself, I do have standards when it comes to dating. I expect a man who asks me out on a date to be willing to pay for it. If a man doesn’t pay, I see it as going out as friends, and I wouldn’t consider a second date. He then doubled down, saying he was new in town and unsure where to take me because I seemed to have an extravagant lifestyle.
I clarified that I didn’t expect an extravagant first date and had a favourite bar in mind that’s quite economical due to my regular patron status there. But I wasn't sure if I was interested in moving forward with him because this had gotten too weird and uncomfortable for me.
He then admitted he was TESTING me because he has a lot of money and didn’t want to be used for it - Mentioning his FERRARI, while he was at it, which I had frankly assumed was a rental, I didn't give it a second thought or glance. He then said he was very disappointed in me accused me of being like other women who expect men to pay — He called me a Gold Digger in so many words. I found this extremely manipulative, insulting, offensive and downright disrespectful and told him so and asked him to fuck right off! Just for the record - I am also rather well-off. Not only do I make decent money, but my parents are also financially well-off.
Despite my frustration, he apologised profusely and asked for a second chance, claiming he was wrong to test me and that he genuinely wanted to get to know me better. I told him I appreciated the apology but couldn’t get past the disrespect and the implications of his “test.” I made it clear that his behaviour had made me feel judged and uncomfortable, and I didn’t see how we could move forward.
He kept insisting, saying we could laugh about this misunderstanding later and that he’d make it up to me. I reiterated that I didn’t want to feel scrutinised or judged every time we interacted, and that this incident had soured my perception of him. I told him it was best to part ways and ended the conversation. He asked me to sleep on it, and I did.
The next morning, I sent him a text to formally close things off, but on a good note, saying:
"We definitely had a fun and interesting day, but we both know this isn't going to work out! I truly enjoyed our time together and our roller coaster of a conversation. Most people don't even have dates as fun and intriguing as this! But sadly, this is the end of the road for us. I do truly wish you the very best with everything, and I'm glad we ran into each other. Take care and be well! 💗"
He didn’t respond to that text, but he continued to view my Instagram stories, which I found really passive-aggressive. So, I followed up with:
"Hey, I noticed you didn't respond to my last message. I just wanted to say that I tried to be respectful and honour the conversation we had because I genuinely valued it. It would have meant a lot to hear back from you, even just a simple acknowledgment. Regardless, I wish you all the best."
His response to that was unexpectedly hostile. He accused me of being selfish and only caring about my own feelings. He claimed he had already responded to my earlier texts and accused me of being stubborn and ungrateful for the time he spent talking to me. His tone was rude and accusatory, which only reinforced my decision to end things.
I replied, explaining how his actions had made me feel judged and disrespected. I pointed out that despite enjoying our conversation, his test and subsequent behavior were major red flags. I told him I was disappointed by his hostility and that I was hoping for a more respectful closure.
He left my final message on “seen” and hasn’t responded since. Which is fine. Screw him.
I'm not looking for advice on how to get back with him. I’m just trying to process this and move on. Any tips on how to deal with such a disappointing end to what seemed like a promising connection? Because I hadn't been this super excited to go out in a VERY long time!
Thanks for reading.
submitted by confidentbutsleepy to dating_advice [link] [comments]
Hey everyone,
I need some advice on a situation that’s been bothering me. Here’s the full story:
I (32) matched with this guy (37) on Bumble recently, and we hit it off immediately. We spent hours texting and eventually, we moved to a phone call that lasted several hours. We got along so well that he mentioned he would have liked to take me out that day, but he already had plans with his friends to watch an F1 race and a football match. I appreciated his honesty and told him it was fine, and we continued talking throughout the day, even while he was with his friends. It was going SPLENDIDLY!
However, out of nowhere, he made a condescending comment about my Instagram, saying it looks like he’d have to sell a kidney to take a girl like me out. I found it extremely offensive and told him that while I’m financially comfortable and can pay for myself, I do have standards when it comes to dating. I expect a man who asks me out on a date to be willing to pay for it. If a man doesn’t pay, I see it as going out as friends, and I wouldn’t consider a second date. He then doubled down, saying he was new in town and unsure where to take me because I seemed to have an extravagant lifestyle.
I clarified that I didn’t expect an extravagant first date and had a favourite bar in mind that’s quite economical due to my regular patron status there. But I wasn't sure if I was interested in moving forward with him because this had gotten too weird and uncomfortable for me.
He then admitted he was TESTING me because he has a lot of money and didn’t want to be used for it - Mentioning his FERRARI, while he was at it, which I had frankly assumed was a rental, I didn't give it a second thought or glance. He then said he was very disappointed in me accused me of being like other women who expect men to pay — He called me a Gold Digger in so many words. I found this extremely manipulative, insulting, offensive and downright disrespectful and told him so and asked him to fuck right off! Just for the record - I am also rather well-off. Not only do I make decent money, but my parents are also financially well-off.
Despite my frustration, he apologised profusely and asked for a second chance, claiming he was wrong to test me and that he genuinely wanted to get to know me better. I told him I appreciated the apology but couldn’t get past the disrespect and the implications of his “test.” I made it clear that his behaviour had made me feel judged and uncomfortable, and I didn’t see how we could move forward.
He kept insisting, saying we could laugh about this misunderstanding later and that he’d make it up to me. I reiterated that I didn’t want to feel scrutinised or judged every time we interacted, and that this incident had soured my perception of him. I told him it was best to part ways and ended the conversation. He asked me to sleep on it, and I did.
The next morning, I sent him a text to formally close things off, but on a good note, saying:
"We definitely had a fun and interesting day, but we both know this isn't going to work out! I truly enjoyed our time together and our roller coaster of a conversation. Most people don't even have dates as fun and intriguing as this! But sadly, this is the end of the road for us. I do truly wish you the very best with everything, and I'm glad we ran into each other. Take care and be well! 💗"
He didn’t respond to that text, but he continued to view my Instagram stories, which I found really passive-aggressive. So, I followed up with:
"Hey, I noticed you didn't respond to my last message. I just wanted to say that I tried to be respectful and honour the conversation we had because I genuinely valued it. It would have meant a lot to hear back from you, even just a simple acknowledgment. Regardless, I wish you all the best."
His response to that was unexpectedly hostile. He accused me of being selfish and only caring about my own feelings. He claimed he had already responded to my earlier texts and accused me of being stubborn and ungrateful for the time he spent talking to me. His tone was rude and accusatory, which only reinforced my decision to end things.
I replied, explaining how his actions had made me feel judged and disrespected. I pointed out that despite enjoying our conversation, his test and subsequent behavior were major red flags. I told him I was disappointed by his hostility and that I was hoping for a more respectful closure.
He left my final message on “seen” and hasn’t responded since. Which is fine. Screw him.
I'm not looking for advice on how to get back with him. I’m just trying to process this and move on. Any tips on how to deal with such a disappointing end to what seemed like a promising connection? Because I hadn't been this super excited to go out in a VERY long time!
Thanks for reading.
2024.05.21 14:57 confidentbutsleepy How Do You Handle Being 'Tested' in Dating? I Think It's Absolutely WILD!
TL;DR: Matched with a seemingly great guy on Bumble, hit it off well, moved to texting and phone calls, only to have him "test" me on our first disagreement about who should pay on dates. Despite forgiving him, he responded with hateful accusations, leaving me to move on from his manipulative behaviour.
Hey everyone,
I need some advice on a situation that’s been bothering me. Here’s the full story:
I (32) matched with this guy (37) on Bumble recently, and we hit it off immediately. We spent hours texting and eventually, we moved to a phone call that lasted several hours. We got along so well that he mentioned he would have liked to take me out that day, but he already had plans with his friends to watch an F1 race and a football match. I appreciated his honesty and told him it was fine, and we continued talking throughout the day, even while he was with his friends. It was going SPLENDIDLY!
However, out of nowhere, he made a condescending comment about my Instagram, saying it looks like he’d have to sell a kidney to take a girl like me out. I found it extremely offensive and told him that while I’m financially comfortable and can pay for myself, I do have standards when it comes to dating. I expect a man who asks me out on a date to be willing to pay for it. If a man doesn’t pay, I see it as going out as friends, and I wouldn’t consider a second date. He then doubled down, saying he was new in town and unsure where to take me because I seemed to have an extravagant lifestyle.
I clarified that I didn’t expect an extravagant first date and had a favourite bar in mind that’s quite economical due to my regular patron status there. But I wasn't sure if I was interested in moving forward with him because this had gotten too weird and uncomfortable for me.
He then admitted he was TESTING me because he has a lot of money and didn’t want to be used for it - Mentioning his FERRARI, while he was at it, which I had frankly assumed was a rental, I didn't give it a second thought or glance. He then said he was very disappointed in me accused me of being like other women who expect men to pay — He called me a Gold Digger in so many words. I found this extremely manipulative, insulting, offensive and downright disrespectful and told him so and asked him to fuck right off! Just for the record - I am also rather well-off. Not only do I make decent money, but my parents are also financially well-off.
Despite my frustration, he apologised profusely and asked for a second chance, claiming he was wrong to test me and that he genuinely wanted to get to know me better. I told him I appreciated the apology but couldn’t get past the disrespect and the implications of his “test.” I made it clear that his behaviour had made me feel judged and uncomfortable, and I didn’t see how we could move forward.
He kept insisting, saying we could laugh about this misunderstanding later and that he’d make it up to me. I reiterated that I didn’t want to feel scrutinised or judged every time we interacted, and that this incident had soured my perception of him. I told him it was best to part ways and ended the conversation. He asked me to sleep on it, and I did.
The next morning, I sent him a text to formally close things off, but on a good note, saying:
"We definitely had a fun and interesting day, but we both know this isn't going to work out! I truly enjoyed our time together and our roller coaster of a conversation. Most people don't even have dates as fun and intriguing as this! But sadly, this is the end of the road for us. I do truly wish you the very best with everything, and I'm glad we ran into each other. Take care and be well! 💗"
He didn’t respond to that text, but he continued to view my Instagram stories, which I found really passive-aggressive. So, I followed up with:
"Hey, I noticed you didn't respond to my last message. I just wanted to say that I tried to be respectful and honour the conversation we had because I genuinely valued it. It would have meant a lot to hear back from you, even just a simple acknowledgment. Regardless, I wish you all the best."
His response to that was unexpectedly hostile. He accused me of being selfish and only caring about my own feelings. He claimed he had already responded to my earlier texts and accused me of being stubborn and ungrateful for the time he spent talking to me. His tone was rude and accusatory, which only reinforced my decision to end things.
I replied, explaining how his actions had made me feel judged and disrespected. I pointed out that despite enjoying our conversation, his test and subsequent behavior were major red flags. I told him I was disappointed by his hostility and that I was hoping for a more respectful closure.
He left my final message on “seen” and hasn’t responded since. Which is fine. Screw him.
I'm not looking for advice on how to get back with him. I’m just trying to process this and move on. Any tips on how to deal with such a disappointing end to what seemed like a promising connection? Because I hadn't been this super excited to go out in a VERY long time!
Thanks for reading.
submitted by confidentbutsleepy to TwoXChromosomes [link] [comments]
Hey everyone,
I need some advice on a situation that’s been bothering me. Here’s the full story:
I (32) matched with this guy (37) on Bumble recently, and we hit it off immediately. We spent hours texting and eventually, we moved to a phone call that lasted several hours. We got along so well that he mentioned he would have liked to take me out that day, but he already had plans with his friends to watch an F1 race and a football match. I appreciated his honesty and told him it was fine, and we continued talking throughout the day, even while he was with his friends. It was going SPLENDIDLY!
However, out of nowhere, he made a condescending comment about my Instagram, saying it looks like he’d have to sell a kidney to take a girl like me out. I found it extremely offensive and told him that while I’m financially comfortable and can pay for myself, I do have standards when it comes to dating. I expect a man who asks me out on a date to be willing to pay for it. If a man doesn’t pay, I see it as going out as friends, and I wouldn’t consider a second date. He then doubled down, saying he was new in town and unsure where to take me because I seemed to have an extravagant lifestyle.
I clarified that I didn’t expect an extravagant first date and had a favourite bar in mind that’s quite economical due to my regular patron status there. But I wasn't sure if I was interested in moving forward with him because this had gotten too weird and uncomfortable for me.
He then admitted he was TESTING me because he has a lot of money and didn’t want to be used for it - Mentioning his FERRARI, while he was at it, which I had frankly assumed was a rental, I didn't give it a second thought or glance. He then said he was very disappointed in me accused me of being like other women who expect men to pay — He called me a Gold Digger in so many words. I found this extremely manipulative, insulting, offensive and downright disrespectful and told him so and asked him to fuck right off! Just for the record - I am also rather well-off. Not only do I make decent money, but my parents are also financially well-off.
Despite my frustration, he apologised profusely and asked for a second chance, claiming he was wrong to test me and that he genuinely wanted to get to know me better. I told him I appreciated the apology but couldn’t get past the disrespect and the implications of his “test.” I made it clear that his behaviour had made me feel judged and uncomfortable, and I didn’t see how we could move forward.
He kept insisting, saying we could laugh about this misunderstanding later and that he’d make it up to me. I reiterated that I didn’t want to feel scrutinised or judged every time we interacted, and that this incident had soured my perception of him. I told him it was best to part ways and ended the conversation. He asked me to sleep on it, and I did.
The next morning, I sent him a text to formally close things off, but on a good note, saying:
"We definitely had a fun and interesting day, but we both know this isn't going to work out! I truly enjoyed our time together and our roller coaster of a conversation. Most people don't even have dates as fun and intriguing as this! But sadly, this is the end of the road for us. I do truly wish you the very best with everything, and I'm glad we ran into each other. Take care and be well! 💗"
He didn’t respond to that text, but he continued to view my Instagram stories, which I found really passive-aggressive. So, I followed up with:
"Hey, I noticed you didn't respond to my last message. I just wanted to say that I tried to be respectful and honour the conversation we had because I genuinely valued it. It would have meant a lot to hear back from you, even just a simple acknowledgment. Regardless, I wish you all the best."
His response to that was unexpectedly hostile. He accused me of being selfish and only caring about my own feelings. He claimed he had already responded to my earlier texts and accused me of being stubborn and ungrateful for the time he spent talking to me. His tone was rude and accusatory, which only reinforced my decision to end things.
I replied, explaining how his actions had made me feel judged and disrespected. I pointed out that despite enjoying our conversation, his test and subsequent behavior were major red flags. I told him I was disappointed by his hostility and that I was hoping for a more respectful closure.
He left my final message on “seen” and hasn’t responded since. Which is fine. Screw him.
I'm not looking for advice on how to get back with him. I’m just trying to process this and move on. Any tips on how to deal with such a disappointing end to what seemed like a promising connection? Because I hadn't been this super excited to go out in a VERY long time!
Thanks for reading.
2024.05.21 14:56 Crazy-Concern8080 Hearts and Minds 4: When All is Said - (Part 5)
Even if you don’t speak the first time, just being with other people who can understand you will help.
First
Previous
You know the drill: credit to SpacePaladin15 for the universe.
Thank you JulianSkies for proofreading.
Memory Transcription Subject: Billy Marsh, Dirt
Date [Standardized Human Time]: March 29, 2142
Why the hell couldn’t I get rid of Gillab? I wanted him gone, he was ruining everything, and he is even technically trespassing in my house. I could easily get him removed with a simple nine-one-one call, so why couldn’t I just do it? Is there something else wrong with my head? Another problem I needed to deal with?
I wish I had some alcohol. Something to take my mind off of this. The memories were starting to come back more and more as well, last night was the worst sleep I have had in a while. The night terrors I once kept away with liquor had returned, something that scared Gillab half to death. He said that I was screaming bloody murder in my sleep, but just like every other time I’ve had a night terror, I couldn’t even remember a single detail.
But that didn’t matter now, what did was trying to give a decent first impression. I don’t know why, it’s not like I care, but I found myself wanting to look halfway presentable for the veterans’ meetup. Maybe I didn’t want others to waste their time worrying about me. Yeah, that was it. They shouldn’t need to worry about dirt like me. Still, I promised to ‘go through the motions,’ so here I was.
I didn’t really know how to describe the building, it almost looked like a warehouse. Short and wide, from the outside one would assume it was just another warehouse, but the inside had been turned into a community center. It was probably just another one of the overbuilt buildings that had been repurposed. There were tones of those around as architects and city planners would miscalculate how many of a certain type of building were needed. Many places were repurposed, this was just another.
I stopped at the door and looked over to Gillab. “This isn’t going to do anything. I’m just wasting time here.”
“No, you aren’t. Even if you don’t realize it, you are healing. Even just walking around outside of your house and eating a half-decent meal has helped, I can see that. You aren’t nearly as angry today as you were yesterday. Now go on, while you are doing this I’m going to run some errands for you. You need real food in your house.”
“Don’t bother, I don’t know how to cook.”
“Then we will learn. I don’t know how to cook Human food either. Kirala is the chef of the house.”
I thought to ask who Kirala was, but bit my tongue. I’m not supposed to care. “Whatever, I’m going in now.”
“See you soon Billy.”
I shut the door behind me and took stock of the room around me. It was a waiting area complete with inoffensive paintings and beige seats. At the opposite end of the room was a woman sitting behind a counter, typing away on a computer. Taking a deep breath, I walked up to talk to her.
“Hello, uhm, I’m here for the veterans’ group therapy session.”
“Oh course, that’ll be down that hall. Room number three, it should be on your left.”
I tried to stop bouncing my leg. “Thank you.”
I didn’t wait for a response and started down the hall, feeling a pit grow more and more in my stomach. What if this goes wrong? What if I just cause more problems? What if I ruin more people’s lives? What if I just make it worse?
I stopped in front of the door, my leg bouncing constantly. This was wrong, I shouldn’t be here. I’m unhelpable, I should just leave. Gillab said he was running errands, he wouldn’t even know that I skipped it.
The pit in my stomach began clearing as I turned away, but I couldn’t even take a single step before I stopped.
No, that’s wrong. I made a promise to Gillab, so I have to do this. Not for me, but for him. Even if I’m useless, I should still respect others.
But I could just lie, he wouldn’t know any better.
But what if he finds out?
Getting chewed out later is much easier than going through with this.
Isn’t this supposed to help though?
Do you think I deserve help?
Why… why shouldn’t I?
Because of what I’ve done. Who I've hurt. Who I have killed. The lives I have ruined trying to help them. If I was anything other than dirt, I could have saved so many more and ruined so few. Now stop stalling, and walk-
“Do you need help, sir?”
My heart plummeted and the bouncing immediately started. I turned around nervously, trying to form a single cohesive thought. A man was standing halfway in the doorway.
Don’t bother him, just say that I’m in the wrong spot.
“Uhh… N-”
My voice caught in my throat, almost causing me to cough.
“Y-yes. Is this the v-veterans’ therapy thing?”
Why did I say that?
The man stepped out of the doorway, a small smile now on his face. “Yep, this is it. You must be Billy, right? Charlotte told me that you were going to start showing up. I’m Richard, and yes, my friends call me Dick.”
Richard stuck out his hand. I stared at it for a split second before realizing I needed to shake it. As I did, I realized that it felt wrong. It was too tough to be a normal Human hand, it was almost like metal.
I looked up from the hand. “Y-you’re an amputee too?”
Richard smiled widely. “Sure am. Lost it on Sillis to an Arxur. I can see - feel - that you lost an arm as well.”
“Yeah… I’d prefer n-not to talk about it.”
Richard lost his smile, but not his courtesy. “I understand. I wasn’t able to even look at mine for a long time. Quite a few were just as unfortunate as us, a number of them come to these sessions as well. Would you like to step in? I was only going to leave to grab some refreshments.”
“S-sure. Yeah. I’ll find a seat.”
“Great, I’ll be right back.”
Richard departed for the end of the hall, leaving me standing awkwardly in front of the door. I could feel the pit begin to grow again and my leg started to bounce furiously.
Why did I say yes? Why did I say yes? Why did I say yes? Why did I say yes?
I’m in too deep now to back out, all I can do is go through the motions. It’s just motions. Just another step. One more breath. That’s all I have to do.
I stepped into the room, keeping my head lowered the entire time. There were three other people in the room, chatting idly with one another. Two Humans were chatting together, only briefly pausing to glance at me before starting right back up. The Venlil looked up from his phone and patted the seat next to himself, inviting me to sit next to him.
I sighed internally and made my way over, not wanting to set myself apart as the outcast. The Venlil watched me sit and only started talking when I was settled in. “Hi, I’m Tunek.”
I gave him a short nod, looked away, and realized I was supposed to give my own name. “I-I’m Billy.”
Tunek watched my hand for a moment, before leaning back in his chair. “So, is this your first time being at one of these?”
I nodded quickly. “Yes. I’m only here because of a friend.”
Tunek nodded. “Hey, as long as it gets you here. Just taking the first step is all it takes to start the journey. I stole that from Dick, but don’t tell him I said that.”
I nodded. “Sure.”
Tunek tilted his head in concern and moved to respond, but Richard returned just before he could speak. “Alright, I’m back with the waters and the snacks, why don’t we all grab one before we start?”
Everyone but me left their spot to grab something from the cooler that Richard brought back. The two Humans returned to their seats with some water and a cereal bar each, but Tunek hesitated when he started to return. He took a step, paused when he saw me, and turned back to grab another water and snack bar. He must have been hungry.
I looked down at myself as he walked back. Even if I was hungry, I didn’t deserve something to eat. My suffering was my punishment for what I had done and what I had failed to do. I don’t know why I’m here, I don’t deserve to get better. I’m just dirt, I should just-
“Here you go.”
I looked up to see Tunek handing me a bottle of water and a piece of fruit leather. Tentatively, I reached out and grabbed them. “How’d you know I was hungry?”
Tunek shrugged. “A hunch. It’s a little early for dinner and a bit after lunch and I figured I would be peckish around this time so you might be as well.”
I set the water bottle to the side and peeled open the fruit leather. “Thanks…”
“No problem.”
Richard took a sip of his water as I took my first bite, setting the bottle aside as he began to speak. “Alighty, now that everyone has something to keep them awake, I can start talking. As you might have noticed, we have a new member joining us today. So why don’t we all introduce ourselves? John, do you want to start with a name and a little about yourself?”
The man with short, brown-blonde hair sat up straight. “Sure, I’ll get this started. I’m John, I served the UN for four years before we made first contact, but only served for one after. I’m an only father, but I like to think that my wife is looking down from heaven trying to guide me. However, with how old Rachel is, it feels less like guiding and more strength-giving. Oh, and I hate the taste of lemons. I think that’s about it.”
The mention of lemons caused my stomach to tie itself in a knot. James always hated the taste of lemons. Just another reminder of how useless I am.
The man to the left of John smiled. “I guess it’s my turn. My name is Carter. I served the UN for three years until I was discharged for repeated disorderly conduct. I was in a bad spot for a while, but with the help of Dick here I got out of it. Well, start getting out of it. I still have some… flare-ups, but that’s why I’m here.”
Carter smiled, but it was sad. Tunek let him have his moment of silence, encouraging the veteran to be with his emotions for a moment, before starting his own introduction. “Well, I guess you already know my name, but for the sake of completion, I’ll say it again. I’m Tunek. I served the Venlil Space Force for around one Earth year before first contact, where I served with the UN until the conflict with the Yulpa on Grenelka. I… well… after that I couldn’t serve anymore. Something else… I’ve always wanted to learn how to play an instrument properly, but never had the drive to do it. That’s about it for me. Dick, since you were so kind to leave yourself for last, I think it’s your turn.”
Richard chuckled. “Yeah, I guess it is. Well, like I said earlier, my name is Richard, but don’t be afraid to call me Dick. I come from a military family and have always known the dangers of signing up, but that didn’t stop me. I didn’t realize that the war was affecting me until Milieu. Then and there I knew what needed to be done. Once the war was over, I went straight to work creating this.”
Richard paused for a moment to catch his breath. ”I knew that therapists were going to be swamped and many veterans were going to be left behind, so I took what little experience and knowledge I had with my military family and used it to help as many as I could. So now I meet with tons of veterans throughout the week to help them adjust to civilian life and overcome their internal struggles. I’m glad that you have joined us today and hope that we give a good first impression.”
I wasn’t ready for him to stop talking and scrambled to get my words out. “Y-yeah. So far everyone seems nice.”
“Well, if it’s good for you then it’s good for me. With that all out of the way, why don’t we jump right in? I’m not the type to beat around the bush. Let’s start with a simple recap of the week. How have you all been this last week? Any wins, losses, jumps, or setbacks? Remember, there’s no judgment here. We are all suffering together, but we heal together as well.”
The room was silent for a moment, everyone looking for someone else to start the chain, before Carter spoke up. “I guess I’ll go first, if you’ll let me.”
Richard sat down. “Of course Carter, whenever you are ready.”
Carter nodded and propped himself up on his elbows. “I, uh… I had another meltdown, on Wednesday. It came out of nowhere. Happened in the middle of the supermarket, I thought I was… I managed to make it home in time before it really started, but just barely. I was hardly in my room before I started bawling. I… I feel so alone sometimes. I can be in the middle of the supermarket and feel like I’ve been stranded on an island alone f-for years. I m-miss them so much. Y-you all have made it easier, but sometimes… Sometimes it’s too much.”
John placed a hand on Carter’s back and Richard offered a concerned look. “If you ever feel like that, feel free to call me.”
Carter sniffled and wiped away a forming tear. “I know, I know. You’ve told me before, and I almost did, but I thought that you wouldn’t need me bothering you in the middle of the day.”
“Carter, you know I would drop anything to come to your help. Only me dying could stop me.”
Carter leaned back in his chair and laughed even as he wiped away another tear. “Thank you, Dick, but please don’t go dying. You’re too nice for that.”
Richard smiled. “I don’t plan on it anytime soon, Carter. I still have so many more people to help.”
After a moment of silence, John took the initiative and started his own story. “I had a pretty big win this last week. I finally made it through a whole week without having suicidal thoughts.”
Richard smiled widely. “That's wonderful! I told you that you were making progress.”
“I know, but sometimes I feel like I have no purpose anymore. It’s overwhelming. My daughter is old enough to care for herself, I’m only working a menial labor job, I can’t find any hobbies to enjoy… I feel like nothing.”
“But you aren’t ‘nothing,’ you are you. And there is only one of you. I can’t go out and find another John, or another Carter, or Tunek, or Billy. You are all unique, and losing you would be a tragedy.”
Before I could stop myself, I spoke. “Am I really worth saving?”
Everyone went silent for a moment, caught off guard by my words. After Richard deciphered the sudden question, he gave a response with absolute certainty. “Absolutely. There is nothing in this world that can’t be forgiven or overcome.”
“Are you sure? After the things I’ve done… forget I said anything.”
Richard shook his head. “I can’t do that, Billy. I can’t willingly ignore someone in need.”
“I don’t need help. I’m getting exactly what I deserve for what I have done.”
“And what have you done?”
“I… I don’t want to talk about it.”
Richard sighed. “That’s okay, for now. Eventually, you will have to come to terms with it, but for now, you can just listen if you want to.”
“Yeah. I think I’m just going to listen.”
I leaned back and crossed my arms, letting Tunek speak his mind. “I think I know what you are going through. Not the specifics, but I think I can get a general idea.”
“No, I don’t think you do.”
Tunek was silent for a moment, before looking away from me and speaking. “I was on the Cradle when it fell, and on Sillis when the Arxur raided it, and on Milieu fighting off the Kolshians. I tried to save as many people as I could, but in the end, I could only make their passing less painful. I couldn’t even save my partner. I froze in the moment. I could have saved him. But I was frozen in fear. His death is entirely on my shoulders. I’m still fighting that to this day.”
I stared at Tunek for a second, before turning away and sighing. They didn’t know what I was going through, no one could. They didn’t know my crimes, if they did they would kick me out. Their problems, no matter how real, were nothing compared to mine. They still could be helped, I couldn’t.
Could I? If all these people could heal, why couldn’t I?
Because my crimes are too severe.
I… yeah…
submitted by Crazy-Concern8080 to NatureofPredators [link] [comments]
First
Previous
You know the drill: credit to SpacePaladin15 for the universe.
Thank you JulianSkies for proofreading.
Date [Standardized Human Time]: March 29, 2142
Why the hell couldn’t I get rid of Gillab? I wanted him gone, he was ruining everything, and he is even technically trespassing in my house. I could easily get him removed with a simple nine-one-one call, so why couldn’t I just do it? Is there something else wrong with my head? Another problem I needed to deal with?
I wish I had some alcohol. Something to take my mind off of this. The memories were starting to come back more and more as well, last night was the worst sleep I have had in a while. The night terrors I once kept away with liquor had returned, something that scared Gillab half to death. He said that I was screaming bloody murder in my sleep, but just like every other time I’ve had a night terror, I couldn’t even remember a single detail.
But that didn’t matter now, what did was trying to give a decent first impression. I don’t know why, it’s not like I care, but I found myself wanting to look halfway presentable for the veterans’ meetup. Maybe I didn’t want others to waste their time worrying about me. Yeah, that was it. They shouldn’t need to worry about dirt like me. Still, I promised to ‘go through the motions,’ so here I was.
I didn’t really know how to describe the building, it almost looked like a warehouse. Short and wide, from the outside one would assume it was just another warehouse, but the inside had been turned into a community center. It was probably just another one of the overbuilt buildings that had been repurposed. There were tones of those around as architects and city planners would miscalculate how many of a certain type of building were needed. Many places were repurposed, this was just another.
I stopped at the door and looked over to Gillab. “This isn’t going to do anything. I’m just wasting time here.”
“No, you aren’t. Even if you don’t realize it, you are healing. Even just walking around outside of your house and eating a half-decent meal has helped, I can see that. You aren’t nearly as angry today as you were yesterday. Now go on, while you are doing this I’m going to run some errands for you. You need real food in your house.”
“Don’t bother, I don’t know how to cook.”
“Then we will learn. I don’t know how to cook Human food either. Kirala is the chef of the house.”
I thought to ask who Kirala was, but bit my tongue. I’m not supposed to care. “Whatever, I’m going in now.”
“See you soon Billy.”
I shut the door behind me and took stock of the room around me. It was a waiting area complete with inoffensive paintings and beige seats. At the opposite end of the room was a woman sitting behind a counter, typing away on a computer. Taking a deep breath, I walked up to talk to her.
“Hello, uhm, I’m here for the veterans’ group therapy session.”
“Oh course, that’ll be down that hall. Room number three, it should be on your left.”
I tried to stop bouncing my leg. “Thank you.”
I didn’t wait for a response and started down the hall, feeling a pit grow more and more in my stomach. What if this goes wrong? What if I just cause more problems? What if I ruin more people’s lives? What if I just make it worse?
I stopped in front of the door, my leg bouncing constantly. This was wrong, I shouldn’t be here. I’m unhelpable, I should just leave. Gillab said he was running errands, he wouldn’t even know that I skipped it.
The pit in my stomach began clearing as I turned away, but I couldn’t even take a single step before I stopped.
No, that’s wrong. I made a promise to Gillab, so I have to do this. Not for me, but for him. Even if I’m useless, I should still respect others.
But I could just lie, he wouldn’t know any better.
But what if he finds out?
Getting chewed out later is much easier than going through with this.
Isn’t this supposed to help though?
Do you think I deserve help?
Why… why shouldn’t I?
Because of what I’ve done. Who I've hurt. Who I have killed. The lives I have ruined trying to help them. If I was anything other than dirt, I could have saved so many more and ruined so few. Now stop stalling, and walk-
“Do you need help, sir?”
My heart plummeted and the bouncing immediately started. I turned around nervously, trying to form a single cohesive thought. A man was standing halfway in the doorway.
Don’t bother him, just say that I’m in the wrong spot.
“Uhh… N-”
My voice caught in my throat, almost causing me to cough.
“Y-yes. Is this the v-veterans’ therapy thing?”
Why did I say that?
The man stepped out of the doorway, a small smile now on his face. “Yep, this is it. You must be Billy, right? Charlotte told me that you were going to start showing up. I’m Richard, and yes, my friends call me Dick.”
Richard stuck out his hand. I stared at it for a split second before realizing I needed to shake it. As I did, I realized that it felt wrong. It was too tough to be a normal Human hand, it was almost like metal.
I looked up from the hand. “Y-you’re an amputee too?”
Richard smiled widely. “Sure am. Lost it on Sillis to an Arxur. I can see - feel - that you lost an arm as well.”
“Yeah… I’d prefer n-not to talk about it.”
Richard lost his smile, but not his courtesy. “I understand. I wasn’t able to even look at mine for a long time. Quite a few were just as unfortunate as us, a number of them come to these sessions as well. Would you like to step in? I was only going to leave to grab some refreshments.”
“S-sure. Yeah. I’ll find a seat.”
“Great, I’ll be right back.”
Richard departed for the end of the hall, leaving me standing awkwardly in front of the door. I could feel the pit begin to grow again and my leg started to bounce furiously.
Why did I say yes? Why did I say yes? Why did I say yes? Why did I say yes?
I’m in too deep now to back out, all I can do is go through the motions. It’s just motions. Just another step. One more breath. That’s all I have to do.
I stepped into the room, keeping my head lowered the entire time. There were three other people in the room, chatting idly with one another. Two Humans were chatting together, only briefly pausing to glance at me before starting right back up. The Venlil looked up from his phone and patted the seat next to himself, inviting me to sit next to him.
I sighed internally and made my way over, not wanting to set myself apart as the outcast. The Venlil watched me sit and only started talking when I was settled in. “Hi, I’m Tunek.”
I gave him a short nod, looked away, and realized I was supposed to give my own name. “I-I’m Billy.”
Tunek watched my hand for a moment, before leaning back in his chair. “So, is this your first time being at one of these?”
I nodded quickly. “Yes. I’m only here because of a friend.”
Tunek nodded. “Hey, as long as it gets you here. Just taking the first step is all it takes to start the journey. I stole that from Dick, but don’t tell him I said that.”
I nodded. “Sure.”
Tunek tilted his head in concern and moved to respond, but Richard returned just before he could speak. “Alright, I’m back with the waters and the snacks, why don’t we all grab one before we start?”
Everyone but me left their spot to grab something from the cooler that Richard brought back. The two Humans returned to their seats with some water and a cereal bar each, but Tunek hesitated when he started to return. He took a step, paused when he saw me, and turned back to grab another water and snack bar. He must have been hungry.
I looked down at myself as he walked back. Even if I was hungry, I didn’t deserve something to eat. My suffering was my punishment for what I had done and what I had failed to do. I don’t know why I’m here, I don’t deserve to get better. I’m just dirt, I should just-
“Here you go.”
I looked up to see Tunek handing me a bottle of water and a piece of fruit leather. Tentatively, I reached out and grabbed them. “How’d you know I was hungry?”
Tunek shrugged. “A hunch. It’s a little early for dinner and a bit after lunch and I figured I would be peckish around this time so you might be as well.”
I set the water bottle to the side and peeled open the fruit leather. “Thanks…”
“No problem.”
Richard took a sip of his water as I took my first bite, setting the bottle aside as he began to speak. “Alighty, now that everyone has something to keep them awake, I can start talking. As you might have noticed, we have a new member joining us today. So why don’t we all introduce ourselves? John, do you want to start with a name and a little about yourself?”
The man with short, brown-blonde hair sat up straight. “Sure, I’ll get this started. I’m John, I served the UN for four years before we made first contact, but only served for one after. I’m an only father, but I like to think that my wife is looking down from heaven trying to guide me. However, with how old Rachel is, it feels less like guiding and more strength-giving. Oh, and I hate the taste of lemons. I think that’s about it.”
The mention of lemons caused my stomach to tie itself in a knot. James always hated the taste of lemons. Just another reminder of how useless I am.
The man to the left of John smiled. “I guess it’s my turn. My name is Carter. I served the UN for three years until I was discharged for repeated disorderly conduct. I was in a bad spot for a while, but with the help of Dick here I got out of it. Well, start getting out of it. I still have some… flare-ups, but that’s why I’m here.”
Carter smiled, but it was sad. Tunek let him have his moment of silence, encouraging the veteran to be with his emotions for a moment, before starting his own introduction. “Well, I guess you already know my name, but for the sake of completion, I’ll say it again. I’m Tunek. I served the Venlil Space Force for around one Earth year before first contact, where I served with the UN until the conflict with the Yulpa on Grenelka. I… well… after that I couldn’t serve anymore. Something else… I’ve always wanted to learn how to play an instrument properly, but never had the drive to do it. That’s about it for me. Dick, since you were so kind to leave yourself for last, I think it’s your turn.”
Richard chuckled. “Yeah, I guess it is. Well, like I said earlier, my name is Richard, but don’t be afraid to call me Dick. I come from a military family and have always known the dangers of signing up, but that didn’t stop me. I didn’t realize that the war was affecting me until Milieu. Then and there I knew what needed to be done. Once the war was over, I went straight to work creating this.”
Richard paused for a moment to catch his breath. ”I knew that therapists were going to be swamped and many veterans were going to be left behind, so I took what little experience and knowledge I had with my military family and used it to help as many as I could. So now I meet with tons of veterans throughout the week to help them adjust to civilian life and overcome their internal struggles. I’m glad that you have joined us today and hope that we give a good first impression.”
I wasn’t ready for him to stop talking and scrambled to get my words out. “Y-yeah. So far everyone seems nice.”
“Well, if it’s good for you then it’s good for me. With that all out of the way, why don’t we jump right in? I’m not the type to beat around the bush. Let’s start with a simple recap of the week. How have you all been this last week? Any wins, losses, jumps, or setbacks? Remember, there’s no judgment here. We are all suffering together, but we heal together as well.”
The room was silent for a moment, everyone looking for someone else to start the chain, before Carter spoke up. “I guess I’ll go first, if you’ll let me.”
Richard sat down. “Of course Carter, whenever you are ready.”
Carter nodded and propped himself up on his elbows. “I, uh… I had another meltdown, on Wednesday. It came out of nowhere. Happened in the middle of the supermarket, I thought I was… I managed to make it home in time before it really started, but just barely. I was hardly in my room before I started bawling. I… I feel so alone sometimes. I can be in the middle of the supermarket and feel like I’ve been stranded on an island alone f-for years. I m-miss them so much. Y-you all have made it easier, but sometimes… Sometimes it’s too much.”
John placed a hand on Carter’s back and Richard offered a concerned look. “If you ever feel like that, feel free to call me.”
Carter sniffled and wiped away a forming tear. “I know, I know. You’ve told me before, and I almost did, but I thought that you wouldn’t need me bothering you in the middle of the day.”
“Carter, you know I would drop anything to come to your help. Only me dying could stop me.”
Carter leaned back in his chair and laughed even as he wiped away another tear. “Thank you, Dick, but please don’t go dying. You’re too nice for that.”
Richard smiled. “I don’t plan on it anytime soon, Carter. I still have so many more people to help.”
After a moment of silence, John took the initiative and started his own story. “I had a pretty big win this last week. I finally made it through a whole week without having suicidal thoughts.”
Richard smiled widely. “That's wonderful! I told you that you were making progress.”
“I know, but sometimes I feel like I have no purpose anymore. It’s overwhelming. My daughter is old enough to care for herself, I’m only working a menial labor job, I can’t find any hobbies to enjoy… I feel like nothing.”
“But you aren’t ‘nothing,’ you are you. And there is only one of you. I can’t go out and find another John, or another Carter, or Tunek, or Billy. You are all unique, and losing you would be a tragedy.”
Before I could stop myself, I spoke. “Am I really worth saving?”
Everyone went silent for a moment, caught off guard by my words. After Richard deciphered the sudden question, he gave a response with absolute certainty. “Absolutely. There is nothing in this world that can’t be forgiven or overcome.”
“Are you sure? After the things I’ve done… forget I said anything.”
Richard shook his head. “I can’t do that, Billy. I can’t willingly ignore someone in need.”
“I don’t need help. I’m getting exactly what I deserve for what I have done.”
“And what have you done?”
“I… I don’t want to talk about it.”
Richard sighed. “That’s okay, for now. Eventually, you will have to come to terms with it, but for now, you can just listen if you want to.”
“Yeah. I think I’m just going to listen.”
I leaned back and crossed my arms, letting Tunek speak his mind. “I think I know what you are going through. Not the specifics, but I think I can get a general idea.”
“No, I don’t think you do.”
Tunek was silent for a moment, before looking away from me and speaking. “I was on the Cradle when it fell, and on Sillis when the Arxur raided it, and on Milieu fighting off the Kolshians. I tried to save as many people as I could, but in the end, I could only make their passing less painful. I couldn’t even save my partner. I froze in the moment. I could have saved him. But I was frozen in fear. His death is entirely on my shoulders. I’m still fighting that to this day.”
I stared at Tunek for a second, before turning away and sighing. They didn’t know what I was going through, no one could. They didn’t know my crimes, if they did they would kick me out. Their problems, no matter how real, were nothing compared to mine. They still could be helped, I couldn’t.
Could I? If all these people could heal, why couldn’t I?
Because my crimes are too severe.
I… yeah…
2024.05.21 14:56 EmperorSeals Struggling to start, should I switch career?
I (25m) was laid off at my internship last month, only started around mid Jan. I live in London (at home with my parents, so thankfully my costs are low) and I graduated University in 2020 having studied Product Design, when I graduated it was the middle of COVID so I had no idea what to do, I had really low confidence after struggling at uni and had no idea what to go into. I stayed home and worked towards passing my drivng license which I eventually did.
I hadnt worked any kind of job at all so after I year I started working at a local caffeteria at a nature reserve centre. it got me some good experince and helped with my confidence but I felt bad that I wasnt doing anthing around my degree, I loved design and making things so I got into UX/UI Design because of my grapic design skills the seemingly high availability of jobs. So I took some courses and made a portfolio, did some work for a friend of mine but couldnt get anywhere until I found a small agency which took me on for an unpaid internship 2 months, which turned to a 3 month paid internship but I was cut off due to the company not being able to get enough work.
Back in the job market but I have no idea what to do, applying like crazy but it feels impossible to get anywhere, do I need to switch paths? go back to studying? Eveyone around me says "just keep applying". I wanted to avoid work that involved writing or speeking since I'm a very visual person.
At this point it feels like the only thing I'm qualified for are low end cafe/retail jobs, and even these have felt impossible to get.
submitted by EmperorSeals to careerguidance [link] [comments]
I hadnt worked any kind of job at all so after I year I started working at a local caffeteria at a nature reserve centre. it got me some good experince and helped with my confidence but I felt bad that I wasnt doing anthing around my degree, I loved design and making things so I got into UX/UI Design because of my grapic design skills the seemingly high availability of jobs. So I took some courses and made a portfolio, did some work for a friend of mine but couldnt get anywhere until I found a small agency which took me on for an unpaid internship 2 months, which turned to a 3 month paid internship but I was cut off due to the company not being able to get enough work.
Back in the job market but I have no idea what to do, applying like crazy but it feels impossible to get anywhere, do I need to switch paths? go back to studying? Eveyone around me says "just keep applying". I wanted to avoid work that involved writing or speeking since I'm a very visual person.
At this point it feels like the only thing I'm qualified for are low end cafe/retail jobs, and even these have felt impossible to get.
2024.05.21 14:56 DrinkAromatic4145 H
Hey
I want someone who'll value family. Who knows through themselves how painful struggles are. Who is mature enough to keep open and value the person's heart and soul or can see it which leads to valuing and learning to respect and is part of seeing the person.
I want someone who is level headed and won't back down and back out cause something didn't play by their rules. If you think life's perfect then you are very wrong. Even those who have it like movies develop mental health issues and anyone who has seen it all can see that these people who live in the movies are very unreasonable and unrealistic. Meaning real life takes work through struggles and tests the determination to express the love an individual holds, outwardly.
I am a person who loves freely and truly believes love has no price. But must be respected and i give you as you give me. If you give me attention I'll give it back. I don't believe in looks but I do believe in attraction. It's not that I don't love you cause you are fat it's cause I love you and don't won't to lose you so we work out. But if you feel irritated cause you have it laying there like unwashed choirs then maybe we need to rethink together why it is important for you to do so.
Not just cause I said so or it's important and obvious but rather what's in you're heart and soul. Why and what's and I am willing to sit there and hold you very tightly but it all falls apart for me when you leave cause you couldn't find me and that's happened alot and happens alot. Hence I don't believe in the movie trope nor the gf bf trope.
You want a fun guy cause your work life demands you act in an orderly manner or you just want to have a guy make you laugh then you go back to the 19th century and marry the jester of the kings Court. I am not that guy. I wear torn shirts, meaning i dont abide by sociectal norms however i keep myself presentable outside cause i am introverted. I care about my hygiene cause it's irritating and I like to keep things good. Even if it is by making myself smell better by taking a bath or having a tidy space. It's the essence of probably stoicism probably. Maybe.
However, I leave everything up for discussion and debate with you. All of this I say is for you to see and judge for yourself. I can assure you no relationship is perfect and we'll have our little things. I will get irritated and you might too. But if you say me myself and I without thinking that I am also a part of you then sorry girl you are all about yourself and none about the person or its that you are about your feelings and not the person.
I am slow and have some issues of my own. I am sorting them out and it leaves a beautiful room full of opportunities to stand back and grow and watch things unfold and learn. I am very keen on sharing that with you. I am very excited each day to see you. Once you do show me true affection and care I'll do whatever I can to let that empower me in my dark days and think about us rather then me. I communicate and I communicate well. I stand my ground and won't shy away from taking it how it is and thinking about it and then coming to you. I want growth like that. Deep rooted. Practical growth.
I love music. I love sharing and loving in general the world is cold, calculated and egoistic and very selfish and mean. I want someone the opposite and grow to becoming what they call twin flames. Soulmates. Care givers and caretakers.
submitted by DrinkAromatic4145 to u/DrinkAromatic4145 [link] [comments]
I want someone who'll value family. Who knows through themselves how painful struggles are. Who is mature enough to keep open and value the person's heart and soul or can see it which leads to valuing and learning to respect and is part of seeing the person.
I want someone who is level headed and won't back down and back out cause something didn't play by their rules. If you think life's perfect then you are very wrong. Even those who have it like movies develop mental health issues and anyone who has seen it all can see that these people who live in the movies are very unreasonable and unrealistic. Meaning real life takes work through struggles and tests the determination to express the love an individual holds, outwardly.
I am a person who loves freely and truly believes love has no price. But must be respected and i give you as you give me. If you give me attention I'll give it back. I don't believe in looks but I do believe in attraction. It's not that I don't love you cause you are fat it's cause I love you and don't won't to lose you so we work out. But if you feel irritated cause you have it laying there like unwashed choirs then maybe we need to rethink together why it is important for you to do so.
Not just cause I said so or it's important and obvious but rather what's in you're heart and soul. Why and what's and I am willing to sit there and hold you very tightly but it all falls apart for me when you leave cause you couldn't find me and that's happened alot and happens alot. Hence I don't believe in the movie trope nor the gf bf trope.
You want a fun guy cause your work life demands you act in an orderly manner or you just want to have a guy make you laugh then you go back to the 19th century and marry the jester of the kings Court. I am not that guy. I wear torn shirts, meaning i dont abide by sociectal norms however i keep myself presentable outside cause i am introverted. I care about my hygiene cause it's irritating and I like to keep things good. Even if it is by making myself smell better by taking a bath or having a tidy space. It's the essence of probably stoicism probably. Maybe.
However, I leave everything up for discussion and debate with you. All of this I say is for you to see and judge for yourself. I can assure you no relationship is perfect and we'll have our little things. I will get irritated and you might too. But if you say me myself and I without thinking that I am also a part of you then sorry girl you are all about yourself and none about the person or its that you are about your feelings and not the person.
I am slow and have some issues of my own. I am sorting them out and it leaves a beautiful room full of opportunities to stand back and grow and watch things unfold and learn. I am very keen on sharing that with you. I am very excited each day to see you. Once you do show me true affection and care I'll do whatever I can to let that empower me in my dark days and think about us rather then me. I communicate and I communicate well. I stand my ground and won't shy away from taking it how it is and thinking about it and then coming to you. I want growth like that. Deep rooted. Practical growth.
I love music. I love sharing and loving in general the world is cold, calculated and egoistic and very selfish and mean. I want someone the opposite and grow to becoming what they call twin flames. Soulmates. Care givers and caretakers.
2024.05.21 14:55 Spiritual-Tree-77 31 [M4F] South Wales/UK (or online) - Making the most of summer, and beyond!
Hello and prynhawn da (Welsh for good afternoon)! After a long grey winter and spring, summer seems to have found my corner of the world and it’s got me in a great mood. I’ve been enjoying a long weekend this weekend with a mix of spending some in the local countryside and heading into Cardiff to go to the theatre last night. I hope you’re having a fun weekend too!
And while the alone time is fantastic and I’m more than happy in my own company, it would also be nice to have someone with whom I can share those sorts of experiences. Getting out and into the world and making memories that can be talked about and enjoyed together. If that sounds good then there’s more about me below.
I’m an open-minded guy willing to try new things and love exploring new places. I’m excited to travel to South America later in the year and am aiming to go to every continent at least one, I’ve covered the Northern hemisphere but this is my first time going below the equator! At home, I like all the usual things, films, reading, tv and music, have eclectic tastes in all of them and I’m up for giving recommendations and excited to hear your favourites too. I’m also learning Welsh, doing a bit of writing from time to time (should do more), enjoy cooking and getting out in the countryside for some casual photography.
Personality wise, I’m non-judgemental, passionate, with a dry sense of humour and enough of an ego to hopefully be endearing. I definitely wear my heart on my sleeve and am open about how I feel. While there’s not much I expect in a partner, openness definitely is, so if you’re one to play your card close to your chest or keep people at arm’s length, we’re probably not compatible.
On the subject of being open, I’m more than happy to see where things take us. I don’t have any specific relationship goals in mind, so up for discussing and figuring out what works.
Diolch for reading and I look forward to hearing from you.
submitted by Spiritual-Tree-77 to r4r [link] [comments]
And while the alone time is fantastic and I’m more than happy in my own company, it would also be nice to have someone with whom I can share those sorts of experiences. Getting out and into the world and making memories that can be talked about and enjoyed together. If that sounds good then there’s more about me below.
I’m an open-minded guy willing to try new things and love exploring new places. I’m excited to travel to South America later in the year and am aiming to go to every continent at least one, I’ve covered the Northern hemisphere but this is my first time going below the equator! At home, I like all the usual things, films, reading, tv and music, have eclectic tastes in all of them and I’m up for giving recommendations and excited to hear your favourites too. I’m also learning Welsh, doing a bit of writing from time to time (should do more), enjoy cooking and getting out in the countryside for some casual photography.
Personality wise, I’m non-judgemental, passionate, with a dry sense of humour and enough of an ego to hopefully be endearing. I definitely wear my heart on my sleeve and am open about how I feel. While there’s not much I expect in a partner, openness definitely is, so if you’re one to play your card close to your chest or keep people at arm’s length, we’re probably not compatible.
On the subject of being open, I’m more than happy to see where things take us. I don’t have any specific relationship goals in mind, so up for discussing and figuring out what works.
Diolch for reading and I look forward to hearing from you.
2024.05.21 14:55 LuckyStrawberry1507 I Don’t Hate You, I Hate That I Still Love You
I don’t hate you. How could I? I don’t think I ever could, to be honest. With all our history and with all of our memories, I’m incapable of hating you. With all of our words spoken, our letters written, and our million “I love you’s” that we screamed, I couldn’t and wouldn’t ever hate you.
I bet you are telling someone else you love them. And I bet you mean it. That’s the saddest part. Is that you really truly mean it.
I just hate that you are still wired in my brain. I hate that I write about you all the time. I hate that when you tell me about her, I get jealous. I hate that I have to walk by the place we had our first kiss almost everyday. And I hate that I hate it.
I wish I could feel like a normal human being. Don’t normal people move on faster? Do they move on for good? Do they forget the past? I bet they don’t dream about their past lover. But maybe, that’s because they didn’t have a normal love.
I don’t hate you for leaving. I don’t hold a grudge on you. I don’t hate that you’re with someone else. I just know that I’ll always carry love for the person you once were. And the person who never would’ve let me go.
Thank you for making me always feel safe. Thank you for loving me through so many years. And thank you for letting me love you so hard, that I could never ever hate you. And thank you for loving me so damn hard, so I could always love the guy you used to be.
submitted by LuckyStrawberry1507 to ExNoContact [link] [comments]
I just hate that I still love you.
It’s hard to even feel my fingers type this. It’s like the bones in my body still don’t want to accept it either. It’s been so many days, yet, I still think of who we used to be. Of who you once were when you were with me. I still dream of you. And when I do, I spend the whole rest of the day wondering where you are and what you’re doing now.I bet you are telling someone else you love them. And I bet you mean it. That’s the saddest part. Is that you really truly mean it.
But, you meant it when you said it to me too.
Don’t worry, I’m not going to try to win you back. Or try to smash thoughts of me into your head. I’m not going to come up with some devious plan to fly to where you are. I’m done with pretending there will ever be a “you and me” because I know there never will be again.I just hate that you are still wired in my brain. I hate that I write about you all the time. I hate that when you tell me about her, I get jealous. I hate that I have to walk by the place we had our first kiss almost everyday. And I hate that I hate it.
I wish I could feel like a normal human being. Don’t normal people move on faster? Do they move on for good? Do they forget the past? I bet they don’t dream about their past lover. But maybe, that’s because they didn’t have a normal love.
What we had wasn’t normal. It was crazy. It was an addictive, over the top, I can’t live without you, type of love.
I try to convince myself sometimes that I don’t love you. I guess it’s true in some way. I’m not in love with you anymore. I don’t love who you are now, because I barely know you.But, I do know that I still love the you who loved me.
And I love the you who treated me like gold. And I love the you who cried when you left me.I don’t hate you for leaving. I don’t hold a grudge on you. I don’t hate that you’re with someone else. I just know that I’ll always carry love for the person you once were. And the person who never would’ve let me go.
Thank you for making me always feel safe. Thank you for loving me through so many years. And thank you for letting me love you so hard, that I could never ever hate you. And thank you for loving me so damn hard, so I could always love the guy you used to be.
2024.05.21 14:52 youspiritually The Anaerobic Potential of the Human Body
Greetings!
We would like to continue with energy work.
In todays session, we are desirous of speaking about the vertical dimension of your body or that which would be understood as the anaerobic or 'without oxygen.'
Firstly, we ask the rhetorical: Why did the Monks and Yogi's live in the mountains?
We of J believe the monks and yogi's lived in the mountains to live in crisp, oxygen depleted air. We also believe they lived in mountains due to how prana moves through mountainous environments.
The closest low-land air ever comes to being crisp would be in your harsh winters where temperatures are below freezing.
Within an environment that has a severe lack of oxygen, breathing is something you do entirely manually to keep yourself from constantly fainting or tripping, each breath in-fact is a trip through the anaerobic system. Monks spend years learning how to not space out in a most literal sense lest they die of carbon dioxide poisoning.
Each breath, however small or large, supplies the monk with aerobic potential which he utilizes to keep himself awake and aware of what is happening in the world - this builds a positive charge.
To be willing to partake in the world of the living, requires typically more positive energy than negative, which many may understand as work ethic in your culture.
Breathing exercises for working monks revolved around washing dishes, cleaning and tidying, praying and a variety of other physical labors that went from as intensive as running around everywhere and chopping trees, to as relaxing as learning how to see different colours or floating in the air (levitation).
With aerobic potential or positive charge, we of J think anything as fantastical as your movie and cartoon depictions of super-powers is possible. However, harnessing aerobic breathing is very difficult because in the low-lands, oxygen is usually so abundant that one does not realize how each breath vitalizes the body and in which areas.
Anaerobic Potential:
However, we of J believe there is an entirely different side to the body that does not rely on oxygen at all. We also believe many confuse this energy system as the array of pains and pleasures they feel going through life, such as breaking an arm, going through a break up, fulfillment or even profound states of satori.
We of J believe that much of human experience in-fact is centered around the anaerobic side of your mind/body.
When oxygen is not required, things that would make you look as alike a superhero with oxygen would then seem childish when done without oxygen.
We of J believe that most spiritual work asks one to focus on anaerobic contractions of focus and in bolstering the strength of this muscle, one can navigate your planet with great freedom.
The anaerobic system works within deeper structures of the central nervous system, it is hard to feel but without being unconscious, yet if one can experience this nervous system entirely with will power alone through dedicated meditative practice, that same entity will be able to traverse the empty space not only within themselves but the Universe itself.
For many, the anaerobic nervous system and its corresponding contractions are 'autonomic.' Meditators train for many years but usually in good environmental conditions, to gain mastery over the centers of the body that do not require oxygen to manipulate. In doing so, it becomes possible to create whichever hormone one so desires merely by stimulating the gland directly.
In yoga, beginners must learn a set of muscular contractions, learning all these muscular contractions would take some many years, but students of yoga plan on living hundreds of years so they usually do not mind.
The first muscular contraction is to liberate or free sexual energy which is the pelvic floor lift which we explained a few sessions back. This lift prepares the anaerobic system for blood-flow.
The final muscular contraction is to find the Dao in thinking hard and softly to move consciousness into hyperspace, this works the entire throat chakra which humans would understand as the default mode network.
All the contractions in the middle are what entities would term their life story or most vivid experiences of life, which settle automatically between the lower and upper spine.
In mastering all anaerobic contractions to generate higher experience, the Yogi may undergo death and rebirth to continue his training in a newer, fitter body that can handle large quantities of life-force.
In doing these exercises for hundreds of years more, one realizes that all is Thought, and balancing thinking and energy (relaxation) is the aim of the Simulation.
The Dao of Thinking:
Thinking is a balancing act, humans swing in a variety of different ways, but it is always a back and forth of the left and right hemisphere. To find the Dao or Middle, is to find the point where one is both thinking in a relaxed form and in a tense form such that one feels a sense of rising or lifting.
This is done correctly when one feels their head vibrating or 'tensing.'
As one familiarizes themselves with this contraction, a sense of yawning may come over you, it is important to not waste the energy, so it is better to hold the yawn in and use it for something more profound.
One will then contract all their thinking potential at the same time, which you may have done at a young age when you had a deep sense of doom come over you or felt profoundly excited and time started moving very slowly.
By contracting thinking potential all at once but with the anaerobic system, we can effect the pineal gland piezoelectrically and begin to sync with the magnetic environment around us.
Drugs and the Anaerobic Nervous System:
We of J believe this nervous-system is very hard to feel in your world due to environmental issues which include wifi among other things.
Boomers, as your world terms them, are quite familiar with this nervous-system and very much struggle using your technology because it was simply not necessary to think so deeply about life such that it required dexterous hands and a quick left and right hemisphere.
Losing feeling of this nervous-system completely causes suicidal thoughts and depression we believe, gaining feeling of this nervous-system awakens you to pains that you have equally been ignoring.
We of J hope that the drugs of your world may soon help the common man or woman make contact with their inner world.
For those who are very interested in this nervous system, we of J are currently working with our instrument such that he may explain how you can awaken it with will-power predominantly.
If you have any questions about the 'anaerobic nervous system' as we are calling it, please do ask.
submitted by youspiritually to youspiritually [link] [comments]
We would like to continue with energy work.
In todays session, we are desirous of speaking about the vertical dimension of your body or that which would be understood as the anaerobic or 'without oxygen.'
Firstly, we ask the rhetorical: Why did the Monks and Yogi's live in the mountains?
We of J believe the monks and yogi's lived in the mountains to live in crisp, oxygen depleted air. We also believe they lived in mountains due to how prana moves through mountainous environments.
The closest low-land air ever comes to being crisp would be in your harsh winters where temperatures are below freezing.
Within an environment that has a severe lack of oxygen, breathing is something you do entirely manually to keep yourself from constantly fainting or tripping, each breath in-fact is a trip through the anaerobic system. Monks spend years learning how to not space out in a most literal sense lest they die of carbon dioxide poisoning.
Each breath, however small or large, supplies the monk with aerobic potential which he utilizes to keep himself awake and aware of what is happening in the world - this builds a positive charge.
To be willing to partake in the world of the living, requires typically more positive energy than negative, which many may understand as work ethic in your culture.
Breathing exercises for working monks revolved around washing dishes, cleaning and tidying, praying and a variety of other physical labors that went from as intensive as running around everywhere and chopping trees, to as relaxing as learning how to see different colours or floating in the air (levitation).
With aerobic potential or positive charge, we of J think anything as fantastical as your movie and cartoon depictions of super-powers is possible. However, harnessing aerobic breathing is very difficult because in the low-lands, oxygen is usually so abundant that one does not realize how each breath vitalizes the body and in which areas.
Anaerobic Potential:
However, we of J believe there is an entirely different side to the body that does not rely on oxygen at all. We also believe many confuse this energy system as the array of pains and pleasures they feel going through life, such as breaking an arm, going through a break up, fulfillment or even profound states of satori.
We of J believe that much of human experience in-fact is centered around the anaerobic side of your mind/body.
When oxygen is not required, things that would make you look as alike a superhero with oxygen would then seem childish when done without oxygen.
We of J believe that most spiritual work asks one to focus on anaerobic contractions of focus and in bolstering the strength of this muscle, one can navigate your planet with great freedom.
The anaerobic system works within deeper structures of the central nervous system, it is hard to feel but without being unconscious, yet if one can experience this nervous system entirely with will power alone through dedicated meditative practice, that same entity will be able to traverse the empty space not only within themselves but the Universe itself.
For many, the anaerobic nervous system and its corresponding contractions are 'autonomic.' Meditators train for many years but usually in good environmental conditions, to gain mastery over the centers of the body that do not require oxygen to manipulate. In doing so, it becomes possible to create whichever hormone one so desires merely by stimulating the gland directly.
In yoga, beginners must learn a set of muscular contractions, learning all these muscular contractions would take some many years, but students of yoga plan on living hundreds of years so they usually do not mind.
The first muscular contraction is to liberate or free sexual energy which is the pelvic floor lift which we explained a few sessions back. This lift prepares the anaerobic system for blood-flow.
The final muscular contraction is to find the Dao in thinking hard and softly to move consciousness into hyperspace, this works the entire throat chakra which humans would understand as the default mode network.
All the contractions in the middle are what entities would term their life story or most vivid experiences of life, which settle automatically between the lower and upper spine.
In mastering all anaerobic contractions to generate higher experience, the Yogi may undergo death and rebirth to continue his training in a newer, fitter body that can handle large quantities of life-force.
In doing these exercises for hundreds of years more, one realizes that all is Thought, and balancing thinking and energy (relaxation) is the aim of the Simulation.
The Dao of Thinking:
Thinking is a balancing act, humans swing in a variety of different ways, but it is always a back and forth of the left and right hemisphere. To find the Dao or Middle, is to find the point where one is both thinking in a relaxed form and in a tense form such that one feels a sense of rising or lifting.
This is done correctly when one feels their head vibrating or 'tensing.'
As one familiarizes themselves with this contraction, a sense of yawning may come over you, it is important to not waste the energy, so it is better to hold the yawn in and use it for something more profound.
One will then contract all their thinking potential at the same time, which you may have done at a young age when you had a deep sense of doom come over you or felt profoundly excited and time started moving very slowly.
By contracting thinking potential all at once but with the anaerobic system, we can effect the pineal gland piezoelectrically and begin to sync with the magnetic environment around us.
Drugs and the Anaerobic Nervous System:
We of J believe this nervous-system is very hard to feel in your world due to environmental issues which include wifi among other things.
Boomers, as your world terms them, are quite familiar with this nervous-system and very much struggle using your technology because it was simply not necessary to think so deeply about life such that it required dexterous hands and a quick left and right hemisphere.
Losing feeling of this nervous-system completely causes suicidal thoughts and depression we believe, gaining feeling of this nervous-system awakens you to pains that you have equally been ignoring.
We of J hope that the drugs of your world may soon help the common man or woman make contact with their inner world.
For those who are very interested in this nervous system, we of J are currently working with our instrument such that he may explain how you can awaken it with will-power predominantly.
If you have any questions about the 'anaerobic nervous system' as we are calling it, please do ask.