Letters of regination as poa
Unsent Letters
2011.03.30 16:39 HotDinnerBatman Unsent Letters
A place for the letter you never sent.
2012.01.31 18:49 ibetrollingyou Short A's
A place for screams that are cut so perfectly the only part of it you hear is the beginning "A". Image-based A's are also welcome.
2011.03.18 22:47 noonches Dating for the Dating Impaired
Dating for the dating impaired. 18+ only. Positive comment karma required. Put your location in your title. Post flair is required and needs to be correct. No surveys or forms allowed. Don't be an ass and don't post a pic of yours.
2024.05.20 07:41 AbandonNAlabama Sibling has not remove their stuff from a house we're attempting to sell.
Up front this is a throw away account.
I’m working on selling my mother’s house in south Alabama (we all live here unfortunately). Over the years she has accrued a LOT of stuff due to family members passing, personal storage for living family members and some mental decline that has lead to hoarder-esque symptoms. Regardless she can no longer take care of herself and the property needs to be sold to assist in her long term care. I was placed as POA (all my other siblings were made well aware) for her and began cleaning up and out the property. I’m now at the point where realtors are getting involved and we’re attempting to get the house on the market before August.
The issue I am running into is that my sister has several personal items left on the property and she hasn't done anything to remove them in over a year since the clean up has started. All other living family members have gotten their belongings or informed me they could be disposed of. My sister, however, has yet to remove all her items from the house and has not given a set date or time she will remove them. I don’t want the sale of the house to be impeded by all her property left there.
Before coming here I had the idea that I would mail an official letter stating she has until the closure of the house to remove all her personal belongings less they are forfeit to the new owners. An itemized list of her belongings would be provided and a new letter would be sent once a date of closure was known. But I also read that you may need to give a 45 day notice for the items to be removed.
Just looking for ideas to handle this where lawyers need to get involved. My mother is already upset about the whole situation and I honestly don’t want to make it worse.
submitted by AbandonNAlabama to legaladvice [link] [comments]
I’m working on selling my mother’s house in south Alabama (we all live here unfortunately). Over the years she has accrued a LOT of stuff due to family members passing, personal storage for living family members and some mental decline that has lead to hoarder-esque symptoms. Regardless she can no longer take care of herself and the property needs to be sold to assist in her long term care. I was placed as POA (all my other siblings were made well aware) for her and began cleaning up and out the property. I’m now at the point where realtors are getting involved and we’re attempting to get the house on the market before August.
The issue I am running into is that my sister has several personal items left on the property and she hasn't done anything to remove them in over a year since the clean up has started. All other living family members have gotten their belongings or informed me they could be disposed of. My sister, however, has yet to remove all her items from the house and has not given a set date or time she will remove them. I don’t want the sale of the house to be impeded by all her property left there.
Before coming here I had the idea that I would mail an official letter stating she has until the closure of the house to remove all her personal belongings less they are forfeit to the new owners. An itemized list of her belongings would be provided and a new letter would be sent once a date of closure was known. But I also read that you may need to give a 45 day notice for the items to be removed.
Just looking for ideas to handle this where lawyers need to get involved. My mother is already upset about the whole situation and I honestly don’t want to make it worse.
2024.05.19 01:41 Gedanken- Any remote online notaries in MN?
U.S citizen in Australia, looking for someone to notarize my signature on a MN DOPA https://www.lawhelpmn.org/sites/default/files/2024-02/f-06_dopa.pdf for child to enjoy some extended time with family in MN in coming weeks.
MN statutes for this DOPA / type of POA do -not- require the nominated Attorney-in-Fact to sign in front of a notary. However, when asking folks at notarize.com about this they advised this specific form would need a notary in MN (as all their notaries are outside MN and statutes in their respective States would require the Attorney-in-Fact signature to also be notarized). I had the same conversation with multiple people there.
Can anyone recommend an online notary in MN who would be familiar with DOPA process? Google didn't do much, and the MN Secretary of State's online list hasn't proven very useful, very much like a white pages directory and a lot of calling and getting no where. Ideally looking for a notary to also post a notarized hard copy to my mother in MN and provide me an electronic copy for records. Very happy to pay additional for this ancillary service separate to the notarial act itself, etc.
P.S - notaries in Australia are all lawyers, or at least charging lawyer rates of multi-hundreds, and nearest U.S. consulate with notary service would require a 2 hr flight. Child is travelling as an unaccompanied minor, so signing when we land/arrive isn't an option. Thankfully, Customs and Border Patrol has an appreciation of what a pain getting a letteform notarized overseas can be, and parental consent letters for travel do -not- require a notary (encouraged, but not required). Any thoughts on solution to get the MN DOPA notarized is appreciated! Cheers.
submitted by Gedanken- to Notary [link] [comments]
MN statutes for this DOPA / type of POA do -not- require the nominated Attorney-in-Fact to sign in front of a notary. However, when asking folks at notarize.com about this they advised this specific form would need a notary in MN (as all their notaries are outside MN and statutes in their respective States would require the Attorney-in-Fact signature to also be notarized). I had the same conversation with multiple people there.
Can anyone recommend an online notary in MN who would be familiar with DOPA process? Google didn't do much, and the MN Secretary of State's online list hasn't proven very useful, very much like a white pages directory and a lot of calling and getting no where. Ideally looking for a notary to also post a notarized hard copy to my mother in MN and provide me an electronic copy for records. Very happy to pay additional for this ancillary service separate to the notarial act itself, etc.
P.S - notaries in Australia are all lawyers, or at least charging lawyer rates of multi-hundreds, and nearest U.S. consulate with notary service would require a 2 hr flight. Child is travelling as an unaccompanied minor, so signing when we land/arrive isn't an option. Thankfully, Customs and Border Patrol has an appreciation of what a pain getting a letteform notarized overseas can be, and parental consent letters for travel do -not- require a notary (encouraged, but not required). Any thoughts on solution to get the MN DOPA notarized is appreciated! Cheers.
2024.05.16 11:56 barbicrash Question about tenant rights for landlord entry (CA)
I apologize in advance for the detail but I want to provide nuance to get the best advice possible:
My boyfriend who I have been with for 3 years and have been living happily with unfortunately suffered from a bleed in his brain last month and had to have emergency brain surgery. He is now recovering in the hospital and at first things were pleasant with his parents (whom I’ve never met). His mother then let me know she didnt agree with homosexuality and asked me to stay away from the hospital. Additionally, I let his siblings come into my home to get clothes for him and they went through my things and found a letter from our neighbor who me and my bf both don’t get along with.
In this letter, this neighbor, who is very old and mentally ill, wrote us a letter after my bf and I had an argument and amongst a bunch of other crazy things claimed I had threatened my bf in the argument which is 100% untrue. The siblings found this letter in my drawer, took this letter from my home and are now trying to use it to paint me like I’m some bad person.
After this happened, I let my bf’s brother know that because of the letter situation, I no longer feel comfortable with them in the home and if they would like to take my bf’s belongings (he is going back to live with them while he recovers) they would need to do it on the last day of the month after I have moved out and I had already arranged for his closest friends to pack his things. The brother became hostile and said I dont have a choice in the matter. I didnt see the issue with my original arrangement because I was trying to avoid a confrontation but the father of my bf then reached out to my landlord and produced a durable power of attorney for my bf. How they lawfully obtained this POA is beyond me because 2 days before it was signed, the brother told me my bf was still having cognitive issues and you must be mentally sound to sign a POA.
I had emailed my landlord letting her know of the situation and when I had arranged for his stuff to be picked up. then she let me know that she arranged with the father to let them into my home this weekend claiming that the POA gives them the right to enter. I have seen the POA and nowhere on there does it say anything about entering the principal’s (my bf) and my home. Additionally I spoke to the police department and they told me the landlord does not have the right to allow a POA to enter without my consent. Our lease also does not have any provisions about letting people in during a situation similar to this.
I will be consulting an attorney tomorrow but I just wanted to know what my rights as a tenant are. I have no intentions of withholding my bf’s property, nor do I intend to damage or keep any of it, I just don’t want it to be collected while I am still living in the home as I do not want a confrontation or to escalate the situation. As far as I know, my bf is not far enough in his recovery to give any sort of consent because that is the excuse they’re using to isolate him from me and all of his friends so I’m not sure how he can authorize them coming when they please. I just wanted to know what rights I have as a tenant occupying the space because I feel like the parents are just trying to strong arm me rather than cooperate or propose an alternative date for me to approve. Does my landlord really not have the right to give then access to my place despite having a POA that makes no mention of entering his (our) premises? All it says in any reference to a living space is “Real estate transactions”. Any advice would be very helpful as this situation is stressing me out as I just want peace and for this family to stop trying to push me around.
submitted by barbicrash to Renters [link] [comments]
My boyfriend who I have been with for 3 years and have been living happily with unfortunately suffered from a bleed in his brain last month and had to have emergency brain surgery. He is now recovering in the hospital and at first things were pleasant with his parents (whom I’ve never met). His mother then let me know she didnt agree with homosexuality and asked me to stay away from the hospital. Additionally, I let his siblings come into my home to get clothes for him and they went through my things and found a letter from our neighbor who me and my bf both don’t get along with.
In this letter, this neighbor, who is very old and mentally ill, wrote us a letter after my bf and I had an argument and amongst a bunch of other crazy things claimed I had threatened my bf in the argument which is 100% untrue. The siblings found this letter in my drawer, took this letter from my home and are now trying to use it to paint me like I’m some bad person.
After this happened, I let my bf’s brother know that because of the letter situation, I no longer feel comfortable with them in the home and if they would like to take my bf’s belongings (he is going back to live with them while he recovers) they would need to do it on the last day of the month after I have moved out and I had already arranged for his closest friends to pack his things. The brother became hostile and said I dont have a choice in the matter. I didnt see the issue with my original arrangement because I was trying to avoid a confrontation but the father of my bf then reached out to my landlord and produced a durable power of attorney for my bf. How they lawfully obtained this POA is beyond me because 2 days before it was signed, the brother told me my bf was still having cognitive issues and you must be mentally sound to sign a POA.
I had emailed my landlord letting her know of the situation and when I had arranged for his stuff to be picked up. then she let me know that she arranged with the father to let them into my home this weekend claiming that the POA gives them the right to enter. I have seen the POA and nowhere on there does it say anything about entering the principal’s (my bf) and my home. Additionally I spoke to the police department and they told me the landlord does not have the right to allow a POA to enter without my consent. Our lease also does not have any provisions about letting people in during a situation similar to this.
I will be consulting an attorney tomorrow but I just wanted to know what my rights as a tenant are. I have no intentions of withholding my bf’s property, nor do I intend to damage or keep any of it, I just don’t want it to be collected while I am still living in the home as I do not want a confrontation or to escalate the situation. As far as I know, my bf is not far enough in his recovery to give any sort of consent because that is the excuse they’re using to isolate him from me and all of his friends so I’m not sure how he can authorize them coming when they please. I just wanted to know what rights I have as a tenant occupying the space because I feel like the parents are just trying to strong arm me rather than cooperate or propose an alternative date for me to approve. Does my landlord really not have the right to give then access to my place despite having a POA that makes no mention of entering his (our) premises? All it says in any reference to a living space is “Real estate transactions”. Any advice would be very helpful as this situation is stressing me out as I just want peace and for this family to stop trying to push me around.
2024.05.15 14:29 Confident_Suspect894 Not sure next steps
Throw away account. Mom died in November. I (m45) was POA over financial and medical and she lived with me for 5 years prior. I paid for all bills as I also worked from home full time. The deal was she bought the groceries. My 17f daughter also lived with us and helped out. 6 months before mom passed Dad had a heart attack (divorced lived close by) and I was bouncing back and forth caring for both. At that point I started paying my dtr for care when I was at dads because she had to toilet and feed her. My sister 49f would swoop in and make a big production but never actually help. Dad died in September and my sister made it all about her. She was always the golden child I was the second fiddle. Right after Dad died my girlfriend (we didn’t live together) died in a car accident. I’m dealing with double grief so I put my Mom in a nursing home because it was just to much. My mom and sister acted like I was a problem and bad mouthed me to anyone who would listen to the point that my dtr and I just packed up and moved across the country in October. Mom ended up in the hospital and my sister told everyone she was in charge even though I showed up with living will and POA. She actually moved her without telling me even though I had made it clear to the hospital I had concerns she would do this (reported them to state they got in trouble). My Dad had nothing, he rented and lived off Ss. My Mom had sold her house years ago and as advice of lawyer the money was placed in my name. We flew in for mom’s funeral and my sister made a big production of what she did for mom and not a single family member spoke to my dtr or me and acted like we were horrible people. Day of funeral she texted me telling me to put all the money into mom’s account and give her blank checks. (Mom and I had a joint account with about 5k in it) I told her no if there were bills I would pay them and just offered to give her half. She flipped out saying how dare I talk inheritance on the day of her funeral. I hear nothing for two months. I text her I’m flying in and going to close the account how would she like her money. She states I’m not allowed to do that she called an attorney she is executor and she has questions. We meet and she provides a list of questions. She said my dtr was under 18 and therefore couldn’t be a caregiver and demanded she pay it back. She questioned Amazon charges and 600 cash that we got when we sold her car. She demanded receipts for every purchase ever made with moms money (I guess poa said I had to keep receipts). I got visibly upset and said I didn’t steal. She told me I had two weeks to get them or the lawyers would make me. (The entire estate is worth about 75k). My sisters husband is a doctor and makes loads of money I’m a single dad making less a year than the estate is worth. 3 weeks later she sent a nasty letter demanding all these things and saying I had a week to produce them or the lawyer was coming after me. Luckily between calling around and going online I was able to get almost every receipt for last 5 years. I did uncover that my sister used my moms ss# to obtain online access for moms and mine joint account. (Bank offered to transfer me to fraud). My mom had also gifted my aunt 15k a few years back (aunt is now dead) and me 30k when I bought my house a few years back. The paper trail shows mom signed and withdrew the money but I’m afraid my sister will claim as poa I should have stopped her (she had early dementia). I put everything on a thumb drive and mailed to my sister certified mail on 4/1. Had no idea she was on a cruise so they said they would redeliver but never did. I have no idea if the package was delivered and the post office is like to bad. I’m afraid to ask my sister if she got it. It’s been 6 weeks and I’ve heard nothing. I don’t want to ask my sister because she will think I need the money and just drag it on. I also got a 5k insurance check I’m afraid to cash because she will accuse me of stealing. Now I didn’t do anything wrong but towards the end I’ll admit I was buying extra things at the grocery store such as toilet paper (which I had previously bought with my money) make up for my dtr and a take outs (mainly because I was pissed at my sister and thought less money for her). I’m terrified a lawyer is going to hold me to the 45k and say I shouldn’t have done that and I’ll end up having to take out a loan and give my sister additional money. What if they make me pay back anything I can’t produce a receipt for? I have no idea what I’m supposed to be doing and my anxiety is terrible. I wanted to buy my dtr a car with some of my half and now I have to wait. Any advice please. I have no one left in this world but my dtr.
submitted by Confident_Suspect894 to inheritance [link] [comments]
2024.05.13 21:41 Beastie-Stew-1976 Mom with Dementia Thinks Dad Tried to Kill Her
First time posting anything in Reddit. Seemed like as good a time as any as I'm really struggling with how to deal with a devastating situation with my mom! This is a long one but I need to get it out there. I'm heartbroken and out of options, as is my whole family.
In the middle of the night after Easter Sunday, I got a call at 3am in the morning from mom telling me that my dad "finally did it - he tried to kill me." She was in the hospital and physically speaking, unharmed. She told me my dad was arrested and in the psych ward and that she needed to go as the doctors were checking up on her. Thankfully by the time I got off the phone, my dad had responded to a text I'd sent him saying what in the world is going on, saying that he had to call 911 on her; he was at home and safe by that point.
He'd woken up at 2am their time and had noticed she had left the house in her car. After a quick review of her iPhone location, he noticed she was at a house they had rented a number of years earlier. He drove over and could see her sitting on the couch, apparently alone. He tried tapping on the window thinking perhaps she was confused and didn't know where she was and had wandered in. She saw him but then looked away and moved to another room. Finally, he realized he needed to knock on the door. He knew the couple that lived there casually and explained she'd been struggling recently. The husband told him he didn't know what to think at first when she said he had tried to kill her, but quickly realized something wasn't right. He had already called 911. My dad also called 911 because she wouldn't leave with him and he didn't know what else to do.
When the police arrived, they quickly realized something was very wrong with my mom and that my dad didn't pose any threat to her (she admitted right away that he was sleeping when she left). She was moved to the hospital and my dad went home. At the hospital, they found her to be extremely manic - paranoid, delusional, hyperverbal. They (meaning multiple psychiatrists after examination and discussion with me and my dad) put her on an involuntary 72 hold under the state's emergency hold act for someone who was a danger to themselves or others (she was deemed to be a danger to herself because she had no insight into her situation and couldn't take care of herself).
After the 72 hours, they decided they needed to continue to hold her as she was still paranoid and delusional, as well as exhibiting signs of dementia. Once we were finally able to talk to a couple doctors live and get some very preliminary indications that she was suffering from progressive dementia and some form of delirium/psychosis, I was able to join my dad to try and figure out next steps. It became clear over the course of the next 10-11 days, that we were going to have to move her into memory care, so that's what we did. Signed a contract with as nice a place as we could find, hired a concierge psychiatrist billed as one of the best in the state, hired an elder care attorney and also an advocate to help my dad navigate the situation.
We received word (after following up day after day with very little communication) that she would be released from the psychiatric ward mid-week and arranged for her to be taken directly to the memory card facility based on doctor's advice. Despite a hiccup where she talked the driver into bringing her home first, where I luckily just happened to be eating lunch, we got her checked into the facility (I told her it was either back to the psych ward or to the facility and she happy complied). Problem was - she didn't realize it was memory care and it only took about four hours before the phone calls started about how awful the place was, how she had to get out, the place wasn't safe, I was a bad son, my dad was evil, etc. etc.
As an aside, up to this point, we thought we had done just about everything by the book. Ironically, it was my mom who insisted some number of years ago that she and my dad should get long term care insurance in addition to executing both health care representative POAs and financial POAs. After talking with the elder law attorney, we felt we had 99% of what was needed to at least take some of the strain out of the situation. He did say that if the proverbial shit hit the fan, the POAs might not be enough and that we'd need full legal guardianship, but he felt pretty good that we could do what the doctors were advising us to do and get her into a structured facility, at least for the time and try to get her stable. If we could get her 30 days of very structured care, the doctor told us that there's always a chance she could respond well. ("Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst" in his words.)
And that's where things fell apart. Even though the psychiatrist/MD realized very quickly that she was suffering from some form of moderate to severe dementia, my mom is very high functioning and began plotting almost immediately to get out of the facility despite our insistence that she needed the 24/7 care at least for the time being. She was calling everyone she knew - friends, other family, other doctors etc., insisting that she was fine; it was my dad who needed help, and that she needed out right away.
The above had become a familiar refrain over the last 12-18 months. It started innocently enough when my mom had made a comment that she was a little afraid of my dad because he'd gotten angry one evening. I took it very seriously and asked her to take me through what had happened. Apparently they'd gotten into a minor argument at one point over something trivial. My mom kept needling him on the issue and he eventually pounded his fist on the table (completely out of character for him) and it had rattled her. I explained to my mom that I took this seriously and I'd talk with him to make sure everything was ok. I did confront him and he was honest - said he lost his temper but that mom was just on him 24/7 about things that were either minor or simply not true. She claimed he played golf every day when in reality he played maybe 2-3 times a month (he's retired so I'm not sure what would be wrong with playing everyday but I guess that's besides the point). She would get pissed at him for being gone for too long but she'd also get pissed for him not going out and finding things today. There was a lot of this.
From that point, things got worse - she had a surgery in September of last year where she underwent general anesthesia and that really seemed to light a fire under the symptoms. She began to withdraw even further from social activities. She wasn't sleeping much at night; hardly eating. The accusations against my dad got bigger and bolder (he had a girlfriend that was 40 years younger than him; he'd bought a boat among them). None of these things were true. My brother went to stay with my folks for a few months - he wanted to spend time with them in any event, but we also thought it would be good for him to see the dynamic up close. Maybe our dad was doing some things he shouldn't? Maybe he needed to adjust his behavior? Well, after three months, my brother could tell something was seriously wrong with my mom. She was not herself and things were getting worse.
Three days before the Easter Sunday where it all went south, my mom was supposed to come up to where my wife and I live and go into assisted living for 30-60 days. She wanted to do it and we were excited because we thought it would give us a chance to have some objective views from the staff on what might be going on. We thought dementia was a real possibility because her own primary care doctor had suggested for at least 12 months that she get tested but she'd canceled no less than three appointments (the last two literally as they were getting in the car). For reasons that still aren't entirely clear, she canceled at the last minute. Even though my wife and I had made the arrangements and had everything essentially ready to go, my mom insisted on trying to plan with the facility as well and some wires got crossed on trivial things. It seems those things caused her to be suspicious and start to believe we were "trying to put her away." Again though, this was her idea.
It was the period between the cancellation and Easter Sunday that things just spiraled. My wife and I, among others, were getting texts and phone calls in the middle of the night, all night during those three to four days. They were increasingly paranoid and unhinged, linking my dad to the husband of a family friend who'd committed suicide. Saying he was a narcissist, just like my dad. Many things that simply were not at all in line with the character of my dad (and not just according to me but everyone who ever knew him and knew him well). When she began to bring up the fact that she thought the friend's husband had killed her, I knew things were bad. I suggested my dad get out of the house and give her some space. I was worried about both of them. She's tiny but you never know. I also didn't want my dad arrested or put into a situation where the stress can be overwhelming - he's got a bard heart. So he did leave the day before Easter, even though he totally discounted my concern.
The reason he came back on Easter Sunday was because she asked him to. She wanted to celebrate and see the dog. By all accounts, they had a nice evening and even watched a movie together before he went to bed. And then she decided to get in her car, drive 80 miles to a house they used to live in and tell the shocked couple that my dad was trying to kill her!
So, she's in the memory care facility after her release from the psychiatric hold and as excruciatingly difficult as it was to put here there, we felt it was necessary, at least until the paranoia subsided. I stayed for three days and visited her each day. She'd fluctuate between telling me I was an awful son, rehashing all the "documentation" she had on how horrible the doctors and my dad are, and then saying how she didn't want to ruin the family and we could all work it out. My brother stayed for another few days after I left and then had to get back home. He received similar treatment. We mistakenly thought we had things under control until she decided to write a very thoughtfully crafted letter stating explicitly that she requested release from the facility, nothing that she was "of sound mind and body."
The doctor, the facility and our attorney explained that they could no longer keep her there. We understood the limits of the POA, but this was hard to fathom. We had mounds of doctor's evidence from the psychiatric ward and the new doctor pointing to not only advanced dementia, but also stating that she was unable to care for herself and needed round the clock supervision from someone other than my dad. It wasn't enough. We needed a new plan. The doctor was clear that my dad couldn't stay with her and take care of her, so I looked into 24/7 hour nursing. I had no idea how much it cost and when I realized that $28k or so a month would be needed, we realized there no way we could cover this for any significant period of time, even with a portion offset by long term care.
We were lucky enough to have a family member that was a former nurse who was willing to come down for a time to stay with my mom. The good news was by this point, my mom did hear one thing from her doctor - that she needed "24/7 care," so we explained that we'd get her home on two conditions - (1) we had to wait till the family friend could get into town; and (2) she needed to do the doctor recommended cognitive evaluation with a neuropsychologist. She agreed to both.
The day after she did her neuro exam, she went home with our family member and has been home now for over a week. My dad has been couch surfing, trying to keep it together. It took a week but we received the neuro results and they confirmed what we thought we already knew but were nonetheless still devastating - severe vascular dementia. This, combined with an MRI they had done in the psychiatric ward, were enough for the doctors to recommend we pursue guardianship because she doesn't have capacity and can't make any of her own decisions, which we're doing now on an expedited basis. In the meantime, my mom has been up and down at home, and my dad has ridden the waves with her. He'll think she's turning a corner with a nice text or two to him but it will turn out she just wants help with her phone and if he spends a bit of time with her, she'll eventually turn on him - back to the same accusations. She's also taken some of his things and thrown them out near the trash, including his pacemaker monitor.
A couple days back, the neuro doctor walked my mom through her report and despite all the evidence to the contrary, my mom told me the report was "GREAT" (she noted she doesn't have Alzheimer's, which it seems is true, but vascular is no better from what I can tell; and perhaps worse in ways!). Given she was able to sit with the doctor and hear the results firsthand, I thought I could explain to her the severity of what was going on and why we needed to get her the care she needs but she just won't hear it. She thinks the doctors have told her she can either go into Assisted Living or get 24/7 care - that's not true at all. I've tried to explain that those two things are mutually exclusive, but again, she's not having it. She wants no part of memory care and believe me, if there was any way we could do this without having to put her into memory care, at least for some period of time, my whole family would be all for it. We don't see any alternative at this point.
The horrible thing is that if she won't go voluntarily, I think our only option is to call 911 and have her taken in once the guardianship has gone through. This breaks all of our hearts. I don't think my dad can do it. I don't know if I can do it but I know I may have to do it. My only solace is that our family member with her now says her quality at life at home right now is not good. She is either shuffling around the house "organizing" at all hours of the day and night, or on her phone (we believe making notes to herself that we're not sure she even saves). We all believe that in a facility over time, she may begin to socialize better and given how high functioning she is, even find some purpose and meaning in helping folks out who are suffering differently than she is. She's always been generous with her time and service-oriented (until this disease started to take all of that away a couple years back now that we realize what it was). We also think she'd benefit from excursions with us and others out of the facility for meals/events etc. if we can get her more stable.
I've read some incredible stories in these threads but wanted to share ours in the case it could help someone who might be going through the same things but also to see if there's anything we're missing? We feel we've explored every feasible option and our hands are tied at this point. I'm sick to my stomach all day long worrying about this and wake up almost every night trying to decide what to do. It's taken over all our lives. I welcome any feedback.
(*Note that I haven't given a ton of detail on the behavioral issues but suffice it to say that there's no possibility that my dad could look after her, at least right now. It's not safe for either her or him for the same reasons it wasn't that Easter Day. I also worry about any other caregiver as each person who has tried to help has become the subject of her ire and if they don't bend to her every request - take her to superfluous dr appts, hair appts, the phone store to check her phone which she never thinks is working properly, etc. - they will have hell to pay for some period of time.)
submitted by Beastie-Stew-1976 to dementia [link] [comments]
In the middle of the night after Easter Sunday, I got a call at 3am in the morning from mom telling me that my dad "finally did it - he tried to kill me." She was in the hospital and physically speaking, unharmed. She told me my dad was arrested and in the psych ward and that she needed to go as the doctors were checking up on her. Thankfully by the time I got off the phone, my dad had responded to a text I'd sent him saying what in the world is going on, saying that he had to call 911 on her; he was at home and safe by that point.
He'd woken up at 2am their time and had noticed she had left the house in her car. After a quick review of her iPhone location, he noticed she was at a house they had rented a number of years earlier. He drove over and could see her sitting on the couch, apparently alone. He tried tapping on the window thinking perhaps she was confused and didn't know where she was and had wandered in. She saw him but then looked away and moved to another room. Finally, he realized he needed to knock on the door. He knew the couple that lived there casually and explained she'd been struggling recently. The husband told him he didn't know what to think at first when she said he had tried to kill her, but quickly realized something wasn't right. He had already called 911. My dad also called 911 because she wouldn't leave with him and he didn't know what else to do.
When the police arrived, they quickly realized something was very wrong with my mom and that my dad didn't pose any threat to her (she admitted right away that he was sleeping when she left). She was moved to the hospital and my dad went home. At the hospital, they found her to be extremely manic - paranoid, delusional, hyperverbal. They (meaning multiple psychiatrists after examination and discussion with me and my dad) put her on an involuntary 72 hold under the state's emergency hold act for someone who was a danger to themselves or others (she was deemed to be a danger to herself because she had no insight into her situation and couldn't take care of herself).
After the 72 hours, they decided they needed to continue to hold her as she was still paranoid and delusional, as well as exhibiting signs of dementia. Once we were finally able to talk to a couple doctors live and get some very preliminary indications that she was suffering from progressive dementia and some form of delirium/psychosis, I was able to join my dad to try and figure out next steps. It became clear over the course of the next 10-11 days, that we were going to have to move her into memory care, so that's what we did. Signed a contract with as nice a place as we could find, hired a concierge psychiatrist billed as one of the best in the state, hired an elder care attorney and also an advocate to help my dad navigate the situation.
We received word (after following up day after day with very little communication) that she would be released from the psychiatric ward mid-week and arranged for her to be taken directly to the memory card facility based on doctor's advice. Despite a hiccup where she talked the driver into bringing her home first, where I luckily just happened to be eating lunch, we got her checked into the facility (I told her it was either back to the psych ward or to the facility and she happy complied). Problem was - she didn't realize it was memory care and it only took about four hours before the phone calls started about how awful the place was, how she had to get out, the place wasn't safe, I was a bad son, my dad was evil, etc. etc.
As an aside, up to this point, we thought we had done just about everything by the book. Ironically, it was my mom who insisted some number of years ago that she and my dad should get long term care insurance in addition to executing both health care representative POAs and financial POAs. After talking with the elder law attorney, we felt we had 99% of what was needed to at least take some of the strain out of the situation. He did say that if the proverbial shit hit the fan, the POAs might not be enough and that we'd need full legal guardianship, but he felt pretty good that we could do what the doctors were advising us to do and get her into a structured facility, at least for the time and try to get her stable. If we could get her 30 days of very structured care, the doctor told us that there's always a chance she could respond well. ("Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst" in his words.)
And that's where things fell apart. Even though the psychiatrist/MD realized very quickly that she was suffering from some form of moderate to severe dementia, my mom is very high functioning and began plotting almost immediately to get out of the facility despite our insistence that she needed the 24/7 care at least for the time being. She was calling everyone she knew - friends, other family, other doctors etc., insisting that she was fine; it was my dad who needed help, and that she needed out right away.
The above had become a familiar refrain over the last 12-18 months. It started innocently enough when my mom had made a comment that she was a little afraid of my dad because he'd gotten angry one evening. I took it very seriously and asked her to take me through what had happened. Apparently they'd gotten into a minor argument at one point over something trivial. My mom kept needling him on the issue and he eventually pounded his fist on the table (completely out of character for him) and it had rattled her. I explained to my mom that I took this seriously and I'd talk with him to make sure everything was ok. I did confront him and he was honest - said he lost his temper but that mom was just on him 24/7 about things that were either minor or simply not true. She claimed he played golf every day when in reality he played maybe 2-3 times a month (he's retired so I'm not sure what would be wrong with playing everyday but I guess that's besides the point). She would get pissed at him for being gone for too long but she'd also get pissed for him not going out and finding things today. There was a lot of this.
From that point, things got worse - she had a surgery in September of last year where she underwent general anesthesia and that really seemed to light a fire under the symptoms. She began to withdraw even further from social activities. She wasn't sleeping much at night; hardly eating. The accusations against my dad got bigger and bolder (he had a girlfriend that was 40 years younger than him; he'd bought a boat among them). None of these things were true. My brother went to stay with my folks for a few months - he wanted to spend time with them in any event, but we also thought it would be good for him to see the dynamic up close. Maybe our dad was doing some things he shouldn't? Maybe he needed to adjust his behavior? Well, after three months, my brother could tell something was seriously wrong with my mom. She was not herself and things were getting worse.
Three days before the Easter Sunday where it all went south, my mom was supposed to come up to where my wife and I live and go into assisted living for 30-60 days. She wanted to do it and we were excited because we thought it would give us a chance to have some objective views from the staff on what might be going on. We thought dementia was a real possibility because her own primary care doctor had suggested for at least 12 months that she get tested but she'd canceled no less than three appointments (the last two literally as they were getting in the car). For reasons that still aren't entirely clear, she canceled at the last minute. Even though my wife and I had made the arrangements and had everything essentially ready to go, my mom insisted on trying to plan with the facility as well and some wires got crossed on trivial things. It seems those things caused her to be suspicious and start to believe we were "trying to put her away." Again though, this was her idea.
It was the period between the cancellation and Easter Sunday that things just spiraled. My wife and I, among others, were getting texts and phone calls in the middle of the night, all night during those three to four days. They were increasingly paranoid and unhinged, linking my dad to the husband of a family friend who'd committed suicide. Saying he was a narcissist, just like my dad. Many things that simply were not at all in line with the character of my dad (and not just according to me but everyone who ever knew him and knew him well). When she began to bring up the fact that she thought the friend's husband had killed her, I knew things were bad. I suggested my dad get out of the house and give her some space. I was worried about both of them. She's tiny but you never know. I also didn't want my dad arrested or put into a situation where the stress can be overwhelming - he's got a bard heart. So he did leave the day before Easter, even though he totally discounted my concern.
The reason he came back on Easter Sunday was because she asked him to. She wanted to celebrate and see the dog. By all accounts, they had a nice evening and even watched a movie together before he went to bed. And then she decided to get in her car, drive 80 miles to a house they used to live in and tell the shocked couple that my dad was trying to kill her!
So, she's in the memory care facility after her release from the psychiatric hold and as excruciatingly difficult as it was to put here there, we felt it was necessary, at least until the paranoia subsided. I stayed for three days and visited her each day. She'd fluctuate between telling me I was an awful son, rehashing all the "documentation" she had on how horrible the doctors and my dad are, and then saying how she didn't want to ruin the family and we could all work it out. My brother stayed for another few days after I left and then had to get back home. He received similar treatment. We mistakenly thought we had things under control until she decided to write a very thoughtfully crafted letter stating explicitly that she requested release from the facility, nothing that she was "of sound mind and body."
The doctor, the facility and our attorney explained that they could no longer keep her there. We understood the limits of the POA, but this was hard to fathom. We had mounds of doctor's evidence from the psychiatric ward and the new doctor pointing to not only advanced dementia, but also stating that she was unable to care for herself and needed round the clock supervision from someone other than my dad. It wasn't enough. We needed a new plan. The doctor was clear that my dad couldn't stay with her and take care of her, so I looked into 24/7 hour nursing. I had no idea how much it cost and when I realized that $28k or so a month would be needed, we realized there no way we could cover this for any significant period of time, even with a portion offset by long term care.
We were lucky enough to have a family member that was a former nurse who was willing to come down for a time to stay with my mom. The good news was by this point, my mom did hear one thing from her doctor - that she needed "24/7 care," so we explained that we'd get her home on two conditions - (1) we had to wait till the family friend could get into town; and (2) she needed to do the doctor recommended cognitive evaluation with a neuropsychologist. She agreed to both.
The day after she did her neuro exam, she went home with our family member and has been home now for over a week. My dad has been couch surfing, trying to keep it together. It took a week but we received the neuro results and they confirmed what we thought we already knew but were nonetheless still devastating - severe vascular dementia. This, combined with an MRI they had done in the psychiatric ward, were enough for the doctors to recommend we pursue guardianship because she doesn't have capacity and can't make any of her own decisions, which we're doing now on an expedited basis. In the meantime, my mom has been up and down at home, and my dad has ridden the waves with her. He'll think she's turning a corner with a nice text or two to him but it will turn out she just wants help with her phone and if he spends a bit of time with her, she'll eventually turn on him - back to the same accusations. She's also taken some of his things and thrown them out near the trash, including his pacemaker monitor.
A couple days back, the neuro doctor walked my mom through her report and despite all the evidence to the contrary, my mom told me the report was "GREAT" (she noted she doesn't have Alzheimer's, which it seems is true, but vascular is no better from what I can tell; and perhaps worse in ways!). Given she was able to sit with the doctor and hear the results firsthand, I thought I could explain to her the severity of what was going on and why we needed to get her the care she needs but she just won't hear it. She thinks the doctors have told her she can either go into Assisted Living or get 24/7 care - that's not true at all. I've tried to explain that those two things are mutually exclusive, but again, she's not having it. She wants no part of memory care and believe me, if there was any way we could do this without having to put her into memory care, at least for some period of time, my whole family would be all for it. We don't see any alternative at this point.
The horrible thing is that if she won't go voluntarily, I think our only option is to call 911 and have her taken in once the guardianship has gone through. This breaks all of our hearts. I don't think my dad can do it. I don't know if I can do it but I know I may have to do it. My only solace is that our family member with her now says her quality at life at home right now is not good. She is either shuffling around the house "organizing" at all hours of the day and night, or on her phone (we believe making notes to herself that we're not sure she even saves). We all believe that in a facility over time, she may begin to socialize better and given how high functioning she is, even find some purpose and meaning in helping folks out who are suffering differently than she is. She's always been generous with her time and service-oriented (until this disease started to take all of that away a couple years back now that we realize what it was). We also think she'd benefit from excursions with us and others out of the facility for meals/events etc. if we can get her more stable.
I've read some incredible stories in these threads but wanted to share ours in the case it could help someone who might be going through the same things but also to see if there's anything we're missing? We feel we've explored every feasible option and our hands are tied at this point. I'm sick to my stomach all day long worrying about this and wake up almost every night trying to decide what to do. It's taken over all our lives. I welcome any feedback.
(*Note that I haven't given a ton of detail on the behavioral issues but suffice it to say that there's no possibility that my dad could look after her, at least right now. It's not safe for either her or him for the same reasons it wasn't that Easter Day. I also worry about any other caregiver as each person who has tried to help has become the subject of her ire and if they don't bend to her every request - take her to superfluous dr appts, hair appts, the phone store to check her phone which she never thinks is working properly, etc. - they will have hell to pay for some period of time.)
2024.05.13 04:30 RmJ106 What are the SSA rules regarding checking account confiscations upon death for those who owe overpayments?
How far can the SSA go when it comes to confiscating funds from a private checking account of a former SSI recipient after their passing? This is not in relation to me. An extended family member owes well over $20K in overpayments to the government. It goes back to them being stupid and trying to save for a few years in violation of the $2K a month asset rule for those on SSI. They have mental issues (schizophrenia for decades and possibly dementia now), have been unproductive for all of their life and have made some of the stupidest decisions of any person I have ever seen in my entire life. They ended up on SSI because they didn't have enough work credits and probably worked all of a few years in their entire life, so they didn't even have 1/4th of the credits needed to retire. They don't want to put a beneficiary on their checking account, have no advance directive (hence the reason why we want them to put someone as a beneficiary), don't want to pre-pay for any type of funerary arrangements so as to not be a burden on family and they're just a big freaking mess. They're nearly 90 and because of their stupid decision of insisting that they can "save whatever they want" regardless of what the SSA rules are, the SSA cut off their SSI, Medicare and Medicaid. They had over $40K in their checking account last year and they have blown it down to about $23K this year by giving most of it to their youngest adult child who refuses to work for a living and is an addict. Said relative also lied blatantly on the phone to SSA reps when they called, lied about former marriages/length of time and dates, claimed to have not known where a life insurance policy from one of their children came from (which again deposited over $35K into their account last year on top of the thousands they were already saving in violation of the $2K asset limit). The SSA sent them a letter saying they wanted nearly $23K back in overpayments for the months that they were over the asset limit over the past x years. They refuse to pay them. Since one of their adult kids is taking care of said family member, this is why we wonder how this will work.
I was hoping that the SSA would just confiscate the money from their checking account or sue for it, but apparently not. This family member isn't in the best of health mentally or physically and is mean as a snake, grudges so many people and even their own daughter can't stand being around them. Yet they live with their daughter, so if something happens to them while living with the daughter, said probate attorney burden (they only own a checking account, no property or vehicles) would be on the daughter in order to get access to the checking account and also to pay for the funerary arrangements. They don't want to designate the daughter or anyone else as POA or payee in any form or fashion. However, I suspect that the SSA would confiscate the entire amount in the checking account up to what is owed. Is my guess for that correct? Tried to help them by getting an elder law attorney and they refused any advance directive. Tried to get them to put a beneficiary on their checking account so that when they pass someone can take care of their affairs, but they don't want that. Their reasoning is that "they're not planning on dying anytime soon" at nearly 90. So what will happen in this scenario? Family just ends up eating the cremation and probate bill for thousands in order to access the checking account that the SSA will probably want to confiscate the entirety of anyway?
submitted by RmJ106 to SocialSecurity [link] [comments]
I was hoping that the SSA would just confiscate the money from their checking account or sue for it, but apparently not. This family member isn't in the best of health mentally or physically and is mean as a snake, grudges so many people and even their own daughter can't stand being around them. Yet they live with their daughter, so if something happens to them while living with the daughter, said probate attorney burden (they only own a checking account, no property or vehicles) would be on the daughter in order to get access to the checking account and also to pay for the funerary arrangements. They don't want to designate the daughter or anyone else as POA or payee in any form or fashion. However, I suspect that the SSA would confiscate the entire amount in the checking account up to what is owed. Is my guess for that correct? Tried to help them by getting an elder law attorney and they refused any advance directive. Tried to get them to put a beneficiary on their checking account so that when they pass someone can take care of their affairs, but they don't want that. Their reasoning is that "they're not planning on dying anytime soon" at nearly 90. So what will happen in this scenario? Family just ends up eating the cremation and probate bill for thousands in order to access the checking account that the SSA will probably want to confiscate the entirety of anyway?
2024.05.11 17:49 ClubFew4386 art hell
hahahaha. i’m sec 3 and decided to take art over pure bio when my results in sec 2 were a1 for science and maths. i’m legit suffering in art bcs the teachers are so damn useless . like they sit there allll day during lesson js looking at their laptops and yapping to each other about whatever drama is going on in school. they barely walk around and give feedback. when they do it’s usually very sassy or vague like “ you just have to experiment” “ just like that like that then ok already” or something like that la basically. i’m really so sick and tired of it because when i try to ask for feedback they are very very sassy or very bitchy about it. and they are not very welcoming of it too. i’m not sure what to do about it. and im also very stressed out because i got a b4 for wa1 and that’s really shit. even everyone around me scored way better too. even those who talk constantly during lesson time . i’m not sure what to do so advice plz…. as for my other marks i got el c6 ( lol the paper was so okay but idk how even , prob was stressed out by family stuff) emath a1 comb sci a2 - chem a1 - bio b3 comb humans b3 - history d7 - ss a1 poa a1 art b4 l1r4 raw is 12 ( i think) l1r5 raw is 16 ( i think) hais sian pls send advice 😭😭 cca is mad stressing me out too cause i hate it cause im not exco due to some stupid discipline case. and i don’t even go regularly but i do give parent lette mc for it la. but i really hate that i don’t have the same passion for cca as i did in sec 1/2 which is js… and all my friends in cca are exco
submitted by ClubFew4386 to SGExams [link] [comments]
2024.05.09 20:07 Plus_Net1649 AITA for refusing to take in my younger brother when my mom passes away?
Don’t get me wrong, I love my brother so allow me to explain. Please forgive is the thought process is everywhere on this. So, my little brother was born with medical problems and wasn’t expected to live like he has. When I was younger after he was born I was too scared to play with him in fear of hurting him or accidentally pulling one of the tubes out of him or accidentally disconnecting the wires attached to him out of him. As he start to grow she got stronger, but then his and my sister’s dad abandoned us, long story but we found out their dad is not my thanks to AncestryDNA. That is when things to a down turn.
Again, I love my little brother, I got along with him then our sister that was the middle child while I was the oldest. But when I was 8 years old after their dad abandoned us my mom leaned heavily on me as she taught me how to give my brother his medicine, how to put an ng tube in his nose, hose to fill the bag with his special formula, how to change his diaper, and so on. Things an 8 year old shouldn’t have to do. I also had stopped believing in things that all children were still believing in at that time because my mom told me it wasn’t real while my sister and brother got to keep believing in them until they were at the age to know better.
As I grew older she put more responsibilities on me by making me be the one in charge of making sure he got on his school bus once he was old enough to go to school and make sure my sister got to her school while I was in middle school. I remember one time I rushed to get him ready because I had over slept on accident and literally handed him to the school bus assistant without his shoes and apologize. I then fought to try to get my sister awake but she wouldn’t get up and I decided that if I didn’t want to miss my bus I had to go, my sister could walk to school and on mornings I had to walk with her I would get on my school bus by her school as there was a stop there, but when I didn’t I get on at the one by the house.
When I got home I was yelled at because my mom got a phone call from the officer at the school because of my sister missing too much school. I asked my mom “So you rather I missed school to make sure she got to school?” My mom replied “Yes, you don’t miss school so I won’t go to jail for you missing school once in a while.” That got to me that my education was less important than her making sure her own children got to school.
By the time I was in high school my mom wasn’t working because she didn’t want to. I was working weekends at a flea market to help support the house because she couldn’t get AFDC since she wouldn’t work. She would sit in her room all day and only came out to cook dinner while I had to come home from school or work, clean the house, take care of my brother, and care for the animals she brought into the home. I wasn’t allowed to do anything after school because I had to take care of my brother.
By the time I got to the 11th grade I was so burnt out between working, school, house chores where I was the only one doing them, caring for my brother, caring for animals I didn’t want, deal with school mates or co-workers that would vent to me, and having to miss school two days every week to go to dialysis with my little brother, I had enough and dropped out of school and quit my job because I couldn’t do it anymore.
Close to my 18th birthday my mom TOLD me I was giving one of my kidney’s to my brother because I was a perfect match. I hated being told that but I was going to do it until I found out that due to me being underweight from my own medical issues that there was an 80.66% chance of me living and if I did I would be dependent on people to take care of me. After that when I turned 18 I moved out and away from her and my siblings because I didn’t want to put others first anymore.
Fast forward to recently, I’m 36, mom is 66, and brother is 31. Mom told me “I need you to take care of your brother when I die.” I replied with “You stole my childhood and teen years from me to care for him. I’m not doing it as a fucking adult. Get someone else to do so or he is going into a nursing home. I’m done!” I then quickly left her house before any fighting could break out, so, AITA?
5/9 Edit: I am adding this because I seen a couple of people say this, yes I am in therapy. I have been for years now. A lot related to my mom, some from my sister’s and brother’s father, and some because of the PTSD I struggle with from my ex-hub. This has just been something that has been eating away at me since it happened last week.
5/10 Update: There is a family birthday party I will be attending to night and will address my sister there about her finding him a group home since she has his POA. Everything will have to be done through her about it since she took it. My mom and brother also currently lives with my Godfather who himself takes care of his disabled younger brother, another reason I think my mom thought I would just do it is because one I had already done it and two because I look up to my Godfather. I know he is safe at my Godfather’s and the fact that my Godfather is a license nurse makes me feel comfortable about him staying there with my mom because one, my Godfather loves my little brother like as if he was his own, two he cares a lot for everyone and has even told my sister, me, and my cousin that he would take care of him, and three he won’t allow my mother to abuse him as APS being called to the house could risk him losing his nursing license.
I am reading all of your comments, I promise. There is so many of you giving me great advice and I appreciate that so much. I will take the time to address some right now, like I have said in many comment replies, I can’t go NC with my mother otherwise I wouldn’t be able to find out how my brother is doing or see him and my Godfather. Also, let’s not wish death on anyone.
Yes, my mother is a horrible mother and she even has recognized and admitted that to people that I only talk to her because she is guardian of my brother and the only reason I will go to her funeral to to make sure she is actually dead. Like it greatly upsets me that she realizes this and won’t do anything to fix it but does everything to make it worse.
About my sister, her and I have low to NC only because we honestly can’t be around each other long enough in our young adult years without us getting into fights. Like full on fist fights, I went NC with her after my oldest niece yelled at me “Don’t her my mom!” I literally realized I was choking my sister out in that moment and let go while back up and just basically defending myself. That fight started over how she hit our little brother in the back of his head. When I was younger I was always her punching bag because our mother wouldn’t get her into therapy and her excuse for letting myself hit me was “The doctors says she does it because she is comfortable with expressing herself to us.” But the moment I tried to do something like that I be the one in trouble and getting beat by our mother. My sister and I only started talking after she agreed to come to a therapy appointment with me and decided after that to get therapy for herself so we are working through things. She has even told me she realizes I wasn’t the problem when we were younger and that our mother was now since going through therapy so we maybe able to savage our relationship.
Yes, CPS was call countless of times, every time they would leave us with our mother. As I got into middle school she would force me with helping her make sure she didn’t lose her money maker, my brother(I say this because she benefited from his SSI and any charity that helped him), by telling me “If you don’t hope you’ll never see your brother again as he will be sent into a group home away from you and your sister and your sister will get adopted because she is cute. You won’t have anyone and when I fight to get y’all back I will only fight to get your sister and brother back and make sure you never know how they are doing.” I know this is mental abuse now along with manipulation. She told me similar when I came back from living two years with my sister’s and brother’s dad and I wanted to go back with him “If you go back you’ll never know how your sister and brother are doing.” CPS is a real joke, I have watched kids at school personally get taken from good homes and loving parents and put into the foster care system while kids like me slipped through the cracks.
Sister and brother’s dad is not my biological dad from what we found out thanks to AncestryDNA back when I was 26. Sister had her and I take the test, I then found out after my sister had us do it that her dad is connected to her through the DNA as he had taken it too but I am not. I don’t know who my dad is and after the mistreatment from both my mother and my siblings dad I whether not find out.
Yes, I went back to school and got my GED on the first try. I also then went to school for business office administration. I have been a store manager for one company and a T2/MentoTraineSupervisor for another company and honestly prefer not having an office job after those experiences. I also recognize I can’t work in the service jobs industry due to my PTSD. I’m also diagnosed autistic but I can live on my own, care for myself, and work. Yes, I do have a few accommodations to help me like everyone knows I can’t handle loud noise or being touched. When a fire drill is about to happen I get told to step out of the building five minutes before it goes off and to go to my assign spot before they do it and no one touches me unless they have to. My job is also awesome to where we have a therapist on site so if I need to talk to one before my next appointment I go to the one on site. We also have nurses and doctors. We also have a gym that we and our family has free access to. Our job also holds monthly events to help get us all together and I’m apart of the autism group on site that helps spread awareness about it to other employees. Most of my co-workers never knew I had it until they saw me helping the group at one of the events but they also told me after finding out that it explains a lot about how I act and carry myself.
I have a group of friends that will not let me push them away and does everything to make me not feel like a burdened by “kidnapping” me especially when I pull away. In fact, this weekend I am being “kidnapped” by two I hadn’t seen in a while and being abducted to Disney.
I also work now with Extra Life to raise money for local Children’s Miracle Network hospitals to help make sure families of children similar to my brother gets the treatment their love one needs. Have been apart of it since 2016. I also do Sight 4 Kids since it it wasn’t for the local Lions Club when I was younger I wouldn’t have gotten my first pair of glasses that honestly helped me out with being able to learn in school after my 3rd grade teacher said I was unteachable.
No, my brother’s dad has nothing to do with him and I much whether take my brother in before I allow that AH to take him in. Don’t want to get into any of that because that is currently a can of worms I am working through in therapy.
I will say this, there was much more abuse that came from my mother than just this part. It was so bad that my grandmother wrote my mother a letter telling her how horrible of a mother she was and that she never deserved to have me. My grandmother was a God fearing Christian women and to see the letter that she had wrote my mom shock me because that letter I would have sworn didn’t come from my grandmother if my grandmother hadn’t of admitted to writing it before her death. I had family members literally try to get custody of me, some I would have loved to live with while another one was worse than my mother.
Anyways, I will update if any news happens to night at the party. Thank you all.
5/11 Final Update?: So, I talked with my sister at my cousin’s birthday party. My sister assured me she already had it set up for him to go into a group home when our mother passed away. My mom overheard it and came over. She started yelling at me and called me ungrateful for talking to my sister. I was about to say something when my sister yelled at me “Shut the f*** up, mom! You f***ed up on all three of your kids! You forced (insert my name) to grow up after my dad left us! You are the very reason why my dad left us. You are the reason (insert my name) left the day she turned eighteen with her abusive ex. You are the reason why I and her are so f####ed up in the head and can’t stand to be around each other. You keep this up and I am putting you in a home where no one will come and visit you and getting our brother into the group home sooner! Got that!”
Our mom tried to tell my sister she couldn’t do that and my sister said “The f*** I can’t! I have your’s and his POA. I have the power to do what is in the best interest of you and him and to be frank if it wasn’t for me having it (insert my name) would have had her way a while ago by putting our brother in a nursing home and having you locked up in the nut house and when you got out into a nursing home.” Long reason behind that, just know my mom has never taken care of her health but honestly has taken care of my brother, again it’s because I feel like it is because she gets money for caring for him.
Needless to say, I don’t have to worry about my brother now that I talked to my sister. I also found out she still only talks to our mom because of our brother as well otherwise she would be NC with mom if she didn’t have her POA. Added note, no one in my mom’s family likes her, they only tolerate her because of my little brother that everyone cares for as I have found out. When the three of us were younger it was because she had all three of us.
Thank you everyone for the advice as it worked me into having that talk with my sister and finding out she had already set all of it up. She didn’t plan to tell me though until it happened and when it did she would tell me where he was at so I could visit and call for him. My sister said she would also talk to me about this more as she didn’t realize how much our mother was leaving me in the dark until hearing my concerns so there is a happy ending here. Thank you all.
submitted by Plus_Net1649 to AITAH [link] [comments]
Again, I love my little brother, I got along with him then our sister that was the middle child while I was the oldest. But when I was 8 years old after their dad abandoned us my mom leaned heavily on me as she taught me how to give my brother his medicine, how to put an ng tube in his nose, hose to fill the bag with his special formula, how to change his diaper, and so on. Things an 8 year old shouldn’t have to do. I also had stopped believing in things that all children were still believing in at that time because my mom told me it wasn’t real while my sister and brother got to keep believing in them until they were at the age to know better.
As I grew older she put more responsibilities on me by making me be the one in charge of making sure he got on his school bus once he was old enough to go to school and make sure my sister got to her school while I was in middle school. I remember one time I rushed to get him ready because I had over slept on accident and literally handed him to the school bus assistant without his shoes and apologize. I then fought to try to get my sister awake but she wouldn’t get up and I decided that if I didn’t want to miss my bus I had to go, my sister could walk to school and on mornings I had to walk with her I would get on my school bus by her school as there was a stop there, but when I didn’t I get on at the one by the house.
When I got home I was yelled at because my mom got a phone call from the officer at the school because of my sister missing too much school. I asked my mom “So you rather I missed school to make sure she got to school?” My mom replied “Yes, you don’t miss school so I won’t go to jail for you missing school once in a while.” That got to me that my education was less important than her making sure her own children got to school.
By the time I was in high school my mom wasn’t working because she didn’t want to. I was working weekends at a flea market to help support the house because she couldn’t get AFDC since she wouldn’t work. She would sit in her room all day and only came out to cook dinner while I had to come home from school or work, clean the house, take care of my brother, and care for the animals she brought into the home. I wasn’t allowed to do anything after school because I had to take care of my brother.
By the time I got to the 11th grade I was so burnt out between working, school, house chores where I was the only one doing them, caring for my brother, caring for animals I didn’t want, deal with school mates or co-workers that would vent to me, and having to miss school two days every week to go to dialysis with my little brother, I had enough and dropped out of school and quit my job because I couldn’t do it anymore.
Close to my 18th birthday my mom TOLD me I was giving one of my kidney’s to my brother because I was a perfect match. I hated being told that but I was going to do it until I found out that due to me being underweight from my own medical issues that there was an 80.66% chance of me living and if I did I would be dependent on people to take care of me. After that when I turned 18 I moved out and away from her and my siblings because I didn’t want to put others first anymore.
Fast forward to recently, I’m 36, mom is 66, and brother is 31. Mom told me “I need you to take care of your brother when I die.” I replied with “You stole my childhood and teen years from me to care for him. I’m not doing it as a fucking adult. Get someone else to do so or he is going into a nursing home. I’m done!” I then quickly left her house before any fighting could break out, so, AITA?
5/9 Edit: I am adding this because I seen a couple of people say this, yes I am in therapy. I have been for years now. A lot related to my mom, some from my sister’s and brother’s father, and some because of the PTSD I struggle with from my ex-hub. This has just been something that has been eating away at me since it happened last week.
5/10 Update: There is a family birthday party I will be attending to night and will address my sister there about her finding him a group home since she has his POA. Everything will have to be done through her about it since she took it. My mom and brother also currently lives with my Godfather who himself takes care of his disabled younger brother, another reason I think my mom thought I would just do it is because one I had already done it and two because I look up to my Godfather. I know he is safe at my Godfather’s and the fact that my Godfather is a license nurse makes me feel comfortable about him staying there with my mom because one, my Godfather loves my little brother like as if he was his own, two he cares a lot for everyone and has even told my sister, me, and my cousin that he would take care of him, and three he won’t allow my mother to abuse him as APS being called to the house could risk him losing his nursing license.
I am reading all of your comments, I promise. There is so many of you giving me great advice and I appreciate that so much. I will take the time to address some right now, like I have said in many comment replies, I can’t go NC with my mother otherwise I wouldn’t be able to find out how my brother is doing or see him and my Godfather. Also, let’s not wish death on anyone.
Yes, my mother is a horrible mother and she even has recognized and admitted that to people that I only talk to her because she is guardian of my brother and the only reason I will go to her funeral to to make sure she is actually dead. Like it greatly upsets me that she realizes this and won’t do anything to fix it but does everything to make it worse.
About my sister, her and I have low to NC only because we honestly can’t be around each other long enough in our young adult years without us getting into fights. Like full on fist fights, I went NC with her after my oldest niece yelled at me “Don’t her my mom!” I literally realized I was choking my sister out in that moment and let go while back up and just basically defending myself. That fight started over how she hit our little brother in the back of his head. When I was younger I was always her punching bag because our mother wouldn’t get her into therapy and her excuse for letting myself hit me was “The doctors says she does it because she is comfortable with expressing herself to us.” But the moment I tried to do something like that I be the one in trouble and getting beat by our mother. My sister and I only started talking after she agreed to come to a therapy appointment with me and decided after that to get therapy for herself so we are working through things. She has even told me she realizes I wasn’t the problem when we were younger and that our mother was now since going through therapy so we maybe able to savage our relationship.
Yes, CPS was call countless of times, every time they would leave us with our mother. As I got into middle school she would force me with helping her make sure she didn’t lose her money maker, my brother(I say this because she benefited from his SSI and any charity that helped him), by telling me “If you don’t hope you’ll never see your brother again as he will be sent into a group home away from you and your sister and your sister will get adopted because she is cute. You won’t have anyone and when I fight to get y’all back I will only fight to get your sister and brother back and make sure you never know how they are doing.” I know this is mental abuse now along with manipulation. She told me similar when I came back from living two years with my sister’s and brother’s dad and I wanted to go back with him “If you go back you’ll never know how your sister and brother are doing.” CPS is a real joke, I have watched kids at school personally get taken from good homes and loving parents and put into the foster care system while kids like me slipped through the cracks.
Sister and brother’s dad is not my biological dad from what we found out thanks to AncestryDNA back when I was 26. Sister had her and I take the test, I then found out after my sister had us do it that her dad is connected to her through the DNA as he had taken it too but I am not. I don’t know who my dad is and after the mistreatment from both my mother and my siblings dad I whether not find out.
Yes, I went back to school and got my GED on the first try. I also then went to school for business office administration. I have been a store manager for one company and a T2/MentoTraineSupervisor for another company and honestly prefer not having an office job after those experiences. I also recognize I can’t work in the service jobs industry due to my PTSD. I’m also diagnosed autistic but I can live on my own, care for myself, and work. Yes, I do have a few accommodations to help me like everyone knows I can’t handle loud noise or being touched. When a fire drill is about to happen I get told to step out of the building five minutes before it goes off and to go to my assign spot before they do it and no one touches me unless they have to. My job is also awesome to where we have a therapist on site so if I need to talk to one before my next appointment I go to the one on site. We also have nurses and doctors. We also have a gym that we and our family has free access to. Our job also holds monthly events to help get us all together and I’m apart of the autism group on site that helps spread awareness about it to other employees. Most of my co-workers never knew I had it until they saw me helping the group at one of the events but they also told me after finding out that it explains a lot about how I act and carry myself.
I have a group of friends that will not let me push them away and does everything to make me not feel like a burdened by “kidnapping” me especially when I pull away. In fact, this weekend I am being “kidnapped” by two I hadn’t seen in a while and being abducted to Disney.
I also work now with Extra Life to raise money for local Children’s Miracle Network hospitals to help make sure families of children similar to my brother gets the treatment their love one needs. Have been apart of it since 2016. I also do Sight 4 Kids since it it wasn’t for the local Lions Club when I was younger I wouldn’t have gotten my first pair of glasses that honestly helped me out with being able to learn in school after my 3rd grade teacher said I was unteachable.
No, my brother’s dad has nothing to do with him and I much whether take my brother in before I allow that AH to take him in. Don’t want to get into any of that because that is currently a can of worms I am working through in therapy.
I will say this, there was much more abuse that came from my mother than just this part. It was so bad that my grandmother wrote my mother a letter telling her how horrible of a mother she was and that she never deserved to have me. My grandmother was a God fearing Christian women and to see the letter that she had wrote my mom shock me because that letter I would have sworn didn’t come from my grandmother if my grandmother hadn’t of admitted to writing it before her death. I had family members literally try to get custody of me, some I would have loved to live with while another one was worse than my mother.
Anyways, I will update if any news happens to night at the party. Thank you all.
5/11 Final Update?: So, I talked with my sister at my cousin’s birthday party. My sister assured me she already had it set up for him to go into a group home when our mother passed away. My mom overheard it and came over. She started yelling at me and called me ungrateful for talking to my sister. I was about to say something when my sister yelled at me “Shut the f*** up, mom! You f***ed up on all three of your kids! You forced (insert my name) to grow up after my dad left us! You are the very reason why my dad left us. You are the reason (insert my name) left the day she turned eighteen with her abusive ex. You are the reason why I and her are so f####ed up in the head and can’t stand to be around each other. You keep this up and I am putting you in a home where no one will come and visit you and getting our brother into the group home sooner! Got that!”
Our mom tried to tell my sister she couldn’t do that and my sister said “The f*** I can’t! I have your’s and his POA. I have the power to do what is in the best interest of you and him and to be frank if it wasn’t for me having it (insert my name) would have had her way a while ago by putting our brother in a nursing home and having you locked up in the nut house and when you got out into a nursing home.” Long reason behind that, just know my mom has never taken care of her health but honestly has taken care of my brother, again it’s because I feel like it is because she gets money for caring for him.
Needless to say, I don’t have to worry about my brother now that I talked to my sister. I also found out she still only talks to our mom because of our brother as well otherwise she would be NC with mom if she didn’t have her POA. Added note, no one in my mom’s family likes her, they only tolerate her because of my little brother that everyone cares for as I have found out. When the three of us were younger it was because she had all three of us.
Thank you everyone for the advice as it worked me into having that talk with my sister and finding out she had already set all of it up. She didn’t plan to tell me though until it happened and when it did she would tell me where he was at so I could visit and call for him. My sister said she would also talk to me about this more as she didn’t realize how much our mother was leaving me in the dark until hearing my concerns so there is a happy ending here. Thank you all.
2024.05.08 12:11 Calm---- POWER OF ATTORNEY
Hi, I am new to this so forgive me if I ask something stupid. I'll try to make it short.
Recently my grandfather has made me POA for him. He is in hospital right now with shingles, dementia and a bunch of other stuff. We have got him into an aged care home and things have been pretty easy as I have the permission to sign forms for him and do all the stuff he needs done.
However I have my grandmother. They have been together for almost 70 years and they want to be together when they go into aged care, and I have been trying my best but I am not her power of attorney. She suffers from multiple forms of dementia and also delirium, incontinence etc so the doctor has written a letter saying she is unable to make her own decisions or answer questions with a clear mind which the doctor has then shared with our solicitor.
So after the solicitor received that letter, she is now unable to make me a power of attorney for my grandmother as Nan is unable to go in there and make decisions for herself.
That leaves me very stuck on what to do. All we want is Nan in ages care with Pop, but the aged care facility needs a power of attorney to assign her to the facility next to Pop.
Is there any way that I am able to make myself her power of attorney by other means that don't involve a solicitor? I am reaching out in hopes that someone may have an answer because just as the ball started rolling with Pop it came to a very abrupt stop when we found out we can't get Nan in there until someone is power of attorney.
Any help would be really appreciated. Thankyou.
submitted by Calm---- to AusLegal [link] [comments]
Recently my grandfather has made me POA for him. He is in hospital right now with shingles, dementia and a bunch of other stuff. We have got him into an aged care home and things have been pretty easy as I have the permission to sign forms for him and do all the stuff he needs done.
However I have my grandmother. They have been together for almost 70 years and they want to be together when they go into aged care, and I have been trying my best but I am not her power of attorney. She suffers from multiple forms of dementia and also delirium, incontinence etc so the doctor has written a letter saying she is unable to make her own decisions or answer questions with a clear mind which the doctor has then shared with our solicitor.
So after the solicitor received that letter, she is now unable to make me a power of attorney for my grandmother as Nan is unable to go in there and make decisions for herself.
That leaves me very stuck on what to do. All we want is Nan in ages care with Pop, but the aged care facility needs a power of attorney to assign her to the facility next to Pop.
Is there any way that I am able to make myself her power of attorney by other means that don't involve a solicitor? I am reaching out in hopes that someone may have an answer because just as the ball started rolling with Pop it came to a very abrupt stop when we found out we can't get Nan in there until someone is power of attorney.
Any help would be really appreciated. Thankyou.
2024.05.07 04:43 noncompliantone Trust/estate question (TN)
TL:DR: Father died. Stepsister claims authority excluding sister and I completely and will not give us documents of trusts and POA.
Long version: In Dec. Last year my father (90) had issues with health. He told my sister (who is a R.N.) that she and his step- daughter were co designees and executors on POA for health and revocable trust if he and/or his wife not competent and/or died. He attempted to give her a file with copies of all pertinent documents. His wife would not give her the copies nor let her read them.
At this time he had no issues with competency but his wife was diagnosed with early onset dementia concurrent to events above.
Shortly thereafter our step-sister who lives in CA informed my sister that she is the sole atty-in-fact and sole trustee named as successor in trust. This is contrary to what my father told her and if there were changes he surely should have known. He was always totally on top of things like this. No documents have been provided to my sister or myself.
This is totally out of character - we always got letters if they were traveling with emergency care instructions and my sister (the RN) was taking them to appts and hospitals for months prior as she lives near them and stepsister and I live on the west coast (CA and OR).
My father died in late March after a stay in nursing home/hospital. We were never informed. THREE days later a relative of step-sister that we do not know called my sister to inform us he died. All arrangements were already made and there were no services listed in obituary. Stepsister listed herself as his daughter along with my sister and I. (Rude)
Its now six weeks later. We have no idea if he was buried, cremated and where remains are. We have heard nothing. This is complicated due to step-mothers dementia diagnosis. We have no wish to upset her. We have no fondness for stepsister and it,'s mutual - if awkwardly cordial for parents sake.
Neither of us has ever been estranged from our father and we were on cordial to warm terms with his wife for the entirety of their marriage.
In checking public records it appears their rental property was transferred into a new "community property" trust in December as well. Their principal residence remains in the "family" trust, now irrevocable.
How can I obtain copies of said trusts/amendments? No probate has been filed and probably isnt required to be.
This is starting to feel very sketchy and I want to be assured that his wishes are followed and know where his remains are.
Any suggestions? Thanks for reading this novel.
submitted by noncompliantone to EstatePlanning [link] [comments]
Long version: In Dec. Last year my father (90) had issues with health. He told my sister (who is a R.N.) that she and his step- daughter were co designees and executors on POA for health and revocable trust if he and/or his wife not competent and/or died. He attempted to give her a file with copies of all pertinent documents. His wife would not give her the copies nor let her read them.
At this time he had no issues with competency but his wife was diagnosed with early onset dementia concurrent to events above.
Shortly thereafter our step-sister who lives in CA informed my sister that she is the sole atty-in-fact and sole trustee named as successor in trust. This is contrary to what my father told her and if there were changes he surely should have known. He was always totally on top of things like this. No documents have been provided to my sister or myself.
This is totally out of character - we always got letters if they were traveling with emergency care instructions and my sister (the RN) was taking them to appts and hospitals for months prior as she lives near them and stepsister and I live on the west coast (CA and OR).
My father died in late March after a stay in nursing home/hospital. We were never informed. THREE days later a relative of step-sister that we do not know called my sister to inform us he died. All arrangements were already made and there were no services listed in obituary. Stepsister listed herself as his daughter along with my sister and I. (Rude)
Its now six weeks later. We have no idea if he was buried, cremated and where remains are. We have heard nothing. This is complicated due to step-mothers dementia diagnosis. We have no wish to upset her. We have no fondness for stepsister and it,'s mutual - if awkwardly cordial for parents sake.
Neither of us has ever been estranged from our father and we were on cordial to warm terms with his wife for the entirety of their marriage.
In checking public records it appears their rental property was transferred into a new "community property" trust in December as well. Their principal residence remains in the "family" trust, now irrevocable.
How can I obtain copies of said trusts/amendments? No probate has been filed and probably isnt required to be.
This is starting to feel very sketchy and I want to be assured that his wishes are followed and know where his remains are.
Any suggestions? Thanks for reading this novel.
2024.05.07 00:04 Suitable_Homework_28 Person Owes Me $52,000
10 years ago helped a friend who was facing legal issues. Paid $52,000 in lawyer fees. I was doing very well financially at the time. He never disclosed to me when he was arrested that he confessed to police. After hiring the lawyer, I found this out. He was angry at the lawyer I hired and fired him in the middle of his case. He took a plea for 30 years.
During this time, he constantly wrote me letters saying when he gets the money he will pay me back for legal representation I paid. At the time I never expected it.
In February 2024, he received over $1million dollar settlement. Right now I am in a financial bind as I lost my job in January and have not been able to get full time work. After his settlement he wrote me he would only pay me $10,000. He could not find a POA and asked if I take on the role for $12,000. He wrote me letters stating this for 3 months but I never received any funds. I told him I needed his help and he basically stopped communicating with me.
This happened in Colorado. Is there anyway I can take him to court over the legal fees?
submitted by Suitable_Homework_28 to legaladvice [link] [comments]
During this time, he constantly wrote me letters saying when he gets the money he will pay me back for legal representation I paid. At the time I never expected it.
In February 2024, he received over $1million dollar settlement. Right now I am in a financial bind as I lost my job in January and have not been able to get full time work. After his settlement he wrote me he would only pay me $10,000. He could not find a POA and asked if I take on the role for $12,000. He wrote me letters stating this for 3 months but I never received any funds. I told him I needed his help and he basically stopped communicating with me.
This happened in Colorado. Is there anyway I can take him to court over the legal fees?
2024.05.03 01:17 Foreign_Topic The Fandom Has an Unresolved Daddy Issue
I recently reread the series for the first time since 2007. In the 2000s I followed the online discussion and to my recollection there was a consensus that Snape was among the most enjoyable and entertaining aspects of Harry Potter. Beloved anti-hero is where I thought the fandom had landed.
Afteduring my reread I went on Reddit to see what was going on in nerd world and I was shocked to see EVERYONE HATES SNAPE and everyone is ride or die for Neville’s pet toad???
I’ve being thinking about it and I think readers may hate Snape because of these story-telling choices:
So, to my second point:
When the Tale concludes Harry is reeling: Dumbledore, his kindly mentor, is asking him to walk straight into the firing line for the greater good! He has no headspace available to reflect on the trials and tribulations of Severus Snape. We get a few lines of trash talking in the Great Hall when Harry reveals to Voldemort that Snape was Dumbledore’s man, then in the Epilogue we meet ASP. Why is the relationship between Harry and Snape, perhaps the most compelling relationship in the 3500-page series, resolved with a one-sided video-message and a middle name?
Harry Potter is a coming of age story and reckoning with fathers and father-figures is a fundamental part of coming of age stories. Snape is Harry’s father figure in a symbolic sense. To be clear: I do not mean Harry consciously views Snape as a father figure (Sirius and Mr. Weasley inhabit that role). For most of PS (and the series as a whole) Snape is outwardly the negative aspects of a father: oppressor, critic, limiter of freedom and fun. At the end of PS and then again at the end of the series as a whole Snape is revealed to be the man who protected Harry fiercely and unconditionally: ie, has the positive aspects of a father.
Harry’s central problem when we meet him in PS is his unfair and unloving family. He yearns for affection, attention, and understanding. Even though Petunia is the blood relation, Harry’s relationship with Vernon is the focus. Harry’s original conflict is with his father-figure.
Snape comes to occupy Uncle Vernon’s role once Harry leaves the regular world for the magical world: He is an intimating, if slightly ridiculous figure always out to get Harry. Uncle Vernon is Harry’s male legal guardian who has provided for him materially to age 11. While at school Snape takes standing in loco parentis to an extreme: Harry’s well-being and protection is his life's mission*.* Both men shoulder their task of keeping Harry alive begrudgingly and with a marked absence of affection. Vernon is strict; Snape is severe. They both seem to delight in arbitrary punishments. In PS Vernon won’t let him have his letter; Snape won’t let him have his Quidditch book back. Vernon favours the undeserving Dudley. Snape favours the undeserving Draco. The link is drawn in later books too. In POA Vernon tells Marge in front of Harry that James was unemployed then Snape tells Harry that James was an arrogant prick. In GOF, there is a funny line: “Snape, of course, would no sooner let them play games in class than adopt Harry.” In OOTP Harry explicitly identifies Snape’s silent treatment as a regular tactic of Uncle Vernon’s. They both emasculate, manhandle, and threateningly impose their greater physicality over Harry at various points in the series. The parallels are intentional.
Further, Snape wrenches Harry from the protection and genial warmth of the good fathers. By the end of HBP from Harry’s point of view Snape bears responsibility for the deaths of James, Sirius, and Dumbledore: beloved father, beloved father-figure, and beloved mentor. Snape has also dispatched with Harry’s idealized picture of his father. In OOTP Harry has spent much of the winter semester bearing his painful memories of being bullied to Snape only for the lessons to end with a revelation that burns Harry like swallowed acid: James was a repulsive, arrogant bully. Then Harry spends 6th year in rapt admiration of the Half-Blood Prince, hoping childishly that the Prince would turn out to be James. He curls up in bed reading the annotated textbook every night and takes it with him to read over Christmas at The Burrow. Harry’s admiration is an intimate, dedicated admiration. At the end of the novel Snape detonates the truth and Harry is left stunned, betrayed and in torment.
Both in terms of the plot and in terms of Harry's emotional development, Snape is there wherever there is a daddy issue and his continued presence at these places entreats a satisfying resolution.
Snape and Harry’s exchange at the end of HBP is the rawest in the series. Harry can’t even touch Snape he is so outmatched in magic and in his brashness is once again threatening Snape’s cover and the war effort. Snape has Harry’s best interest at heart but once again Harry is blind to this. Harry sears Snape with accusations and invites death. Boy and man are in anguish and rage, buckling under the respective burdens Dumbledore has asked them to carry. Snape cracks at “kill me like you killed [my dad]” he belts Harry across the face (with a spell). Buckbeak’s intervention terminates the “duel” rather than either character.
Compare this with Harry coolly telling Voldemort what’s what at the Battle of Hogwarts. Harry’s struggle with Snape is personal whereas Harry’s struggle with Voldemort is an impersonal struggle against death. For all the shared visions and wand-cores, Voldemort and Harry are strangers to each other. At least the Voldemort conflict is resolved satisfyingly face-to-face whereas there is no such resolution following the HBP blowout.
Harry camps all of 7th year on a fetch quest while Snape paces in the headmaster’s study. Snape wordlessly watches from afar as Harry follows the silver doe. Harry wordlessly watches through the pensieve an already dead man’s memories. Both characters passively observe the other rather than actively reconcile. It feels incongruent that Harry and Snape who spent 6 books verbally sparing do not have a conversation in the last book, especially when there was so much to be said.
Harry confronting Snape and Snape’s revelations communicated directly would have been electric. But even if it had to be after Snape’s death that Harry learns the truth, then the inclusion of even a paragraph in the breathless last few pages of DH may have helped. Harry could have reflected on Snape’s sacrifice and been bowled over by gratitude and awe. The man he so hated had loved his mother so fiercely that Harry himself was enveloped and protected (like a son).
We clearly understand Snape’s motivation is penance for Lily’s death, so in terms of plot we get a satisfying conclusion. But what about the direct relationship between Snape and Harry we have watched unfold? Reckoning with the father figure--coming to place of empathy, respect, and understanding-- is an essential step in a coming-of-age narrative, but Harry reaches this point of maturation off-screen.
Due to this narrative choice, Snape remains to some just the dickhead teacher Harry had to deal with growing up. I can see why some are so "Justice4Trevor." The reader did not get to see Harry arrive at his nuanced view of Snape and so Snape remains to some readers just as much a cartoon character as Uncle Vernon.
TLDR: The flawed story-telling choice of an indirect apology from Snape followed by Harry's forgiveness of Snape offscreen contributes to fan hatred of Snape.
submitted by Foreign_Topic to HarryPotterBooks [link] [comments]
Afteduring my reread I went on Reddit to see what was going on in nerd world and I was shocked to see EVERYONE HATES SNAPE and everyone is ride or die for Neville’s pet toad???
I’ve being thinking about it and I think readers may hate Snape because of these story-telling choices:
- Snape uses the Prince’s Tale (“Tale”) to apologize to Harry for his treatment of him but this apology is indirect can only be understood by inference;
- Given the indirectness of the apology and the "off-screen" acceptance of it, Harry and Snape’s series-spanning conflict is unsatisfyingly resolved by JKR
So, to my second point:
When the Tale concludes Harry is reeling: Dumbledore, his kindly mentor, is asking him to walk straight into the firing line for the greater good! He has no headspace available to reflect on the trials and tribulations of Severus Snape. We get a few lines of trash talking in the Great Hall when Harry reveals to Voldemort that Snape was Dumbledore’s man, then in the Epilogue we meet ASP. Why is the relationship between Harry and Snape, perhaps the most compelling relationship in the 3500-page series, resolved with a one-sided video-message and a middle name?
Harry Potter is a coming of age story and reckoning with fathers and father-figures is a fundamental part of coming of age stories. Snape is Harry’s father figure in a symbolic sense. To be clear: I do not mean Harry consciously views Snape as a father figure (Sirius and Mr. Weasley inhabit that role). For most of PS (and the series as a whole) Snape is outwardly the negative aspects of a father: oppressor, critic, limiter of freedom and fun. At the end of PS and then again at the end of the series as a whole Snape is revealed to be the man who protected Harry fiercely and unconditionally: ie, has the positive aspects of a father.
Harry’s central problem when we meet him in PS is his unfair and unloving family. He yearns for affection, attention, and understanding. Even though Petunia is the blood relation, Harry’s relationship with Vernon is the focus. Harry’s original conflict is with his father-figure.
Snape comes to occupy Uncle Vernon’s role once Harry leaves the regular world for the magical world: He is an intimating, if slightly ridiculous figure always out to get Harry. Uncle Vernon is Harry’s male legal guardian who has provided for him materially to age 11. While at school Snape takes standing in loco parentis to an extreme: Harry’s well-being and protection is his life's mission*.* Both men shoulder their task of keeping Harry alive begrudgingly and with a marked absence of affection. Vernon is strict; Snape is severe. They both seem to delight in arbitrary punishments. In PS Vernon won’t let him have his letter; Snape won’t let him have his Quidditch book back. Vernon favours the undeserving Dudley. Snape favours the undeserving Draco. The link is drawn in later books too. In POA Vernon tells Marge in front of Harry that James was unemployed then Snape tells Harry that James was an arrogant prick. In GOF, there is a funny line: “Snape, of course, would no sooner let them play games in class than adopt Harry.” In OOTP Harry explicitly identifies Snape’s silent treatment as a regular tactic of Uncle Vernon’s. They both emasculate, manhandle, and threateningly impose their greater physicality over Harry at various points in the series. The parallels are intentional.
Further, Snape wrenches Harry from the protection and genial warmth of the good fathers. By the end of HBP from Harry’s point of view Snape bears responsibility for the deaths of James, Sirius, and Dumbledore: beloved father, beloved father-figure, and beloved mentor. Snape has also dispatched with Harry’s idealized picture of his father. In OOTP Harry has spent much of the winter semester bearing his painful memories of being bullied to Snape only for the lessons to end with a revelation that burns Harry like swallowed acid: James was a repulsive, arrogant bully. Then Harry spends 6th year in rapt admiration of the Half-Blood Prince, hoping childishly that the Prince would turn out to be James. He curls up in bed reading the annotated textbook every night and takes it with him to read over Christmas at The Burrow. Harry’s admiration is an intimate, dedicated admiration. At the end of the novel Snape detonates the truth and Harry is left stunned, betrayed and in torment.
Both in terms of the plot and in terms of Harry's emotional development, Snape is there wherever there is a daddy issue and his continued presence at these places entreats a satisfying resolution.
Snape and Harry’s exchange at the end of HBP is the rawest in the series. Harry can’t even touch Snape he is so outmatched in magic and in his brashness is once again threatening Snape’s cover and the war effort. Snape has Harry’s best interest at heart but once again Harry is blind to this. Harry sears Snape with accusations and invites death. Boy and man are in anguish and rage, buckling under the respective burdens Dumbledore has asked them to carry. Snape cracks at “kill me like you killed [my dad]” he belts Harry across the face (with a spell). Buckbeak’s intervention terminates the “duel” rather than either character.
Compare this with Harry coolly telling Voldemort what’s what at the Battle of Hogwarts. Harry’s struggle with Snape is personal whereas Harry’s struggle with Voldemort is an impersonal struggle against death. For all the shared visions and wand-cores, Voldemort and Harry are strangers to each other. At least the Voldemort conflict is resolved satisfyingly face-to-face whereas there is no such resolution following the HBP blowout.
Harry camps all of 7th year on a fetch quest while Snape paces in the headmaster’s study. Snape wordlessly watches from afar as Harry follows the silver doe. Harry wordlessly watches through the pensieve an already dead man’s memories. Both characters passively observe the other rather than actively reconcile. It feels incongruent that Harry and Snape who spent 6 books verbally sparing do not have a conversation in the last book, especially when there was so much to be said.
Harry confronting Snape and Snape’s revelations communicated directly would have been electric. But even if it had to be after Snape’s death that Harry learns the truth, then the inclusion of even a paragraph in the breathless last few pages of DH may have helped. Harry could have reflected on Snape’s sacrifice and been bowled over by gratitude and awe. The man he so hated had loved his mother so fiercely that Harry himself was enveloped and protected (like a son).
We clearly understand Snape’s motivation is penance for Lily’s death, so in terms of plot we get a satisfying conclusion. But what about the direct relationship between Snape and Harry we have watched unfold? Reckoning with the father figure--coming to place of empathy, respect, and understanding-- is an essential step in a coming-of-age narrative, but Harry reaches this point of maturation off-screen.
Due to this narrative choice, Snape remains to some just the dickhead teacher Harry had to deal with growing up. I can see why some are so "Justice4Trevor." The reader did not get to see Harry arrive at his nuanced view of Snape and so Snape remains to some readers just as much a cartoon character as Uncle Vernon.
TLDR: The flawed story-telling choice of an indirect apology from Snape followed by Harry's forgiveness of Snape offscreen contributes to fan hatred of Snape.
2024.05.01 21:46 CyDJester HLR submitted with hardship request
I was granted 70% on 28 Mar. It was low based on the evidence given and the rating scheme. I tried to work with the DAV to get a copy of my DBQ, which was a shitshow effort at best. I swapped my POA to my State's veterans org, and that didn't fare any better on the DBQ front. So, without the DBQ, I put together my statement noting everything I could based on the decision letter sent and what was noted in my Nexus letter. Then, I submitted my well-documented HLR request via fax. The HLR shows as having been received as of 26 April. I've been unemployed since 1 Dec, and homeless since 1 Mar. Because of that, I submitted the VA 20-10207 for hardship.
Back when I was waiting on the recent grant, I submitted a VA 20-10207 om 22 Mar. Surprisingly, the determination was made a week later. I'm no more housed or employed now than I was before, and I have been on the homeless rolls with the Richmond VA Hospital for a while now. I'm working with both VA and State resources to find a housing solution, but neither are particularly quick. Such is bureaucracy.
Is there any reasonable/realistic chance that the VA will consider my HLR any sooner because of the same circumstances?
submitted by CyDJester to VeteransBenefits [link] [comments]
Back when I was waiting on the recent grant, I submitted a VA 20-10207 om 22 Mar. Surprisingly, the determination was made a week later. I'm no more housed or employed now than I was before, and I have been on the homeless rolls with the Richmond VA Hospital for a while now. I'm working with both VA and State resources to find a housing solution, but neither are particularly quick. Such is bureaucracy.
Is there any reasonable/realistic chance that the VA will consider my HLR any sooner because of the same circumstances?
2024.04.26 17:51 Key-Impress-5553 To My Final Child
My dear, sweet Marena,
How I wish I had more time with you. Even as I feel myself drifting in and out of life, you have brought me unspeakable joy. I regret that I will not be there to watch you grow in a land of peace. I have not been able to finish off the Western Empire or the Aserai. But, I trust that your brother, Sven, will guide the Khuzaits into an era of peace. I have recruited clans for this kingdom and damaged the enemy numbers greatly. I know we will win soon.
All this for you, my child. You were not a warrior, nor will I ever expect you to be. You are my child and the greatest merchant in the Grevth family. You have educated me on the market since a young age as if you had been trading like a veteran.
You have also shown that you understand each of your siblings well. Your love and respect for them have motivated them to bring you the world of peace we desire.
As I arrived in Omor, I observed how the population reacted to you. You are beloved, respected, and adored. I do not understand how you’ve managed this without picking up a sword. Therefore, I believe you will be a crucial part of the Grevth and the Khuzait kingdom. You will educate the masses on affairs other than war. Calradia has been at war for far too long; the people will need someone to show them how to navigate a peaceful world.
With this, I give you my final lesson: Do not let them underestimate you. In a world of war and combat, someone’s prowess and military ability are overvalued. Skills such as yours are seen as lesser. Do not take this to heart, but show them that their way of thinking will have no place in the world to come. You are my child, the future, and you will usher in an era of prosperity that none could have imagined.
As you requested, I have arranged for our family to meet one last time. I will hold onto life the best I can to meet this date. Also, as you requested, I have even invited Udris. What you have planned for this gathering, I know not. But, I will gladly fulfil any wish I can give you during my last days.
My dear, sweet Marena. You will surely change the world.
The Great Khan
Regin Grevth
Link to the First Letter:
https://www.reddit.com/Bannerlord/comments/1c7xr5s/to_my_firstborn/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Link to the Second Letter
https://www.reddit.com/Bannerlord/comments/1caasfz/to_my_eldest_daughte?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Link to the Third Letter
https://www.reddit.com/Bannerlord/comments/1cb9f4g/to_my_failure/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Link to the Fourth Letter
https://www.reddit.com/Bannerlord/comments/1cc6hu6/to_my_third_son/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Link to the Fifth Letter
https://www.reddit.com/mountandblade/comments/1ccvo0i/to_my_youngest_son/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
submitted by Key-Impress-5553 to Bannerlord [link] [comments]
How I wish I had more time with you. Even as I feel myself drifting in and out of life, you have brought me unspeakable joy. I regret that I will not be there to watch you grow in a land of peace. I have not been able to finish off the Western Empire or the Aserai. But, I trust that your brother, Sven, will guide the Khuzaits into an era of peace. I have recruited clans for this kingdom and damaged the enemy numbers greatly. I know we will win soon.
All this for you, my child. You were not a warrior, nor will I ever expect you to be. You are my child and the greatest merchant in the Grevth family. You have educated me on the market since a young age as if you had been trading like a veteran.
You have also shown that you understand each of your siblings well. Your love and respect for them have motivated them to bring you the world of peace we desire.
As I arrived in Omor, I observed how the population reacted to you. You are beloved, respected, and adored. I do not understand how you’ve managed this without picking up a sword. Therefore, I believe you will be a crucial part of the Grevth and the Khuzait kingdom. You will educate the masses on affairs other than war. Calradia has been at war for far too long; the people will need someone to show them how to navigate a peaceful world.
With this, I give you my final lesson: Do not let them underestimate you. In a world of war and combat, someone’s prowess and military ability are overvalued. Skills such as yours are seen as lesser. Do not take this to heart, but show them that their way of thinking will have no place in the world to come. You are my child, the future, and you will usher in an era of prosperity that none could have imagined.
As you requested, I have arranged for our family to meet one last time. I will hold onto life the best I can to meet this date. Also, as you requested, I have even invited Udris. What you have planned for this gathering, I know not. But, I will gladly fulfil any wish I can give you during my last days.
My dear, sweet Marena. You will surely change the world.
The Great Khan
Regin Grevth
Link to the First Letter:
https://www.reddit.com/Bannerlord/comments/1c7xr5s/to_my_firstborn/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Link to the Second Letter
https://www.reddit.com/Bannerlord/comments/1caasfz/to_my_eldest_daughte?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Link to the Third Letter
https://www.reddit.com/Bannerlord/comments/1cb9f4g/to_my_failure/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Link to the Fourth Letter
https://www.reddit.com/Bannerlord/comments/1cc6hu6/to_my_third_son/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Link to the Fifth Letter
https://www.reddit.com/mountandblade/comments/1ccvo0i/to_my_youngest_son/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
2024.04.26 17:51 Key-Impress-5553 To My Final Child
My dear, sweet Marena,
How I wish I had more time with you. Even as I feel myself drifting in and out of life, you have brought me unspeakable joy. I regret that I will not be there to watch you grow in a land of peace. I have not been able to finish off the Western Empire or the Aserai. But, I trust that your brother, Sven, will guide the Khuzaits into an era of peace. I have recruited clans for this kingdom and damaged the enemy numbers greatly. I know we will win soon.
All this for you, my child. You were not a warrior, nor will I ever expect you to be. You are my child and the greatest merchant in the Grevth family. You have educated me on the market since a young age as if you had been trading like a veteran.
You have also shown that you understand each of your siblings well. Your love and respect for them have motivated them to bring you the world of peace we desire.
As I arrived in Omor, I observed how the population reacted to you. You are beloved, respected, and adored. I do not understand how you’ve managed this without picking up a sword. Therefore, I believe you will be a crucial part of the Grevth and the Khuzait kingdom. You will educate the masses on affairs other than war. Calradia has been at war for far too long; the people will need someone to show them how to navigate a peaceful world.
With this, I give you my final lesson: Do not let them underestimate you. In a world of war and combat, someone’s prowess and military ability are overvalued. Skills such as yours are seen as lesser. Do not take this to heart, but show them that their way of thinking will have no place in the world to come. You are my child, the future, and you will usher in an era of prosperity that none could have imagined.
As you requested, I have arranged for our family to meet one last time. I will hold onto life the best I can to meet this date. Also, as you requested, I have even invited Udris. What you have planned for this gathering, I know not. But, I will gladly fulfil any wish I can give you during my last days.
My dear, sweet Marena. You will surely change the world.
The Great Khan
Regin Grevth
Link to the First Letter:
https://www.reddit.com/Bannerlord/comments/1c7xr5s/to_my_firstborn/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Link to the Second Letter
https://www.reddit.com/Bannerlord/comments/1caasfz/to_my_eldest_daughte?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Link to the Third Letter
https://www.reddit.com/Bannerlord/comments/1cb9f4g/to_my_failure/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Link to the Fourth Letter
https://www.reddit.com/Bannerlord/comments/1cc6hu6/to_my_third_son/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Link to the Fifth Letter
https://www.reddit.com/mountandblade/comments/1ccvo0i/to_my_youngest_son/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
submitted by Key-Impress-5553 to mountandblade [link] [comments]
How I wish I had more time with you. Even as I feel myself drifting in and out of life, you have brought me unspeakable joy. I regret that I will not be there to watch you grow in a land of peace. I have not been able to finish off the Western Empire or the Aserai. But, I trust that your brother, Sven, will guide the Khuzaits into an era of peace. I have recruited clans for this kingdom and damaged the enemy numbers greatly. I know we will win soon.
All this for you, my child. You were not a warrior, nor will I ever expect you to be. You are my child and the greatest merchant in the Grevth family. You have educated me on the market since a young age as if you had been trading like a veteran.
You have also shown that you understand each of your siblings well. Your love and respect for them have motivated them to bring you the world of peace we desire.
As I arrived in Omor, I observed how the population reacted to you. You are beloved, respected, and adored. I do not understand how you’ve managed this without picking up a sword. Therefore, I believe you will be a crucial part of the Grevth and the Khuzait kingdom. You will educate the masses on affairs other than war. Calradia has been at war for far too long; the people will need someone to show them how to navigate a peaceful world.
With this, I give you my final lesson: Do not let them underestimate you. In a world of war and combat, someone’s prowess and military ability are overvalued. Skills such as yours are seen as lesser. Do not take this to heart, but show them that their way of thinking will have no place in the world to come. You are my child, the future, and you will usher in an era of prosperity that none could have imagined.
As you requested, I have arranged for our family to meet one last time. I will hold onto life the best I can to meet this date. Also, as you requested, I have even invited Udris. What you have planned for this gathering, I know not. But, I will gladly fulfil any wish I can give you during my last days.
My dear, sweet Marena. You will surely change the world.
The Great Khan
Regin Grevth
Link to the First Letter:
https://www.reddit.com/Bannerlord/comments/1c7xr5s/to_my_firstborn/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Link to the Second Letter
https://www.reddit.com/Bannerlord/comments/1caasfz/to_my_eldest_daughte?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Link to the Third Letter
https://www.reddit.com/Bannerlord/comments/1cb9f4g/to_my_failure/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Link to the Fourth Letter
https://www.reddit.com/Bannerlord/comments/1cc6hu6/to_my_third_son/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Link to the Fifth Letter
https://www.reddit.com/mountandblade/comments/1ccvo0i/to_my_youngest_son/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
2024.04.26 05:38 Money-Sea1129 Life insurance beneficiary
My father is not quite all there and his health is failing. My sister and I feel like he might have "Wet brain" and is easily confused and coerced. My aunt and uncle live in the same trailer park and have taken zero interest in my dad and his well being until his health started going south and they found out about his life insurance policy. I am my father's PoA and the executor of his will. When making sure my father's important documents were in order I found a letter stating a change in my father's beneficiaries from my brother, sister and I and my brother and my 2 kids ( 3 kids 4 grandkids) to my Aunt and Uncle (who are known con artists and petty theives-my grandmother once had to change her house locks because they would go in while she was at church and steal her food). The document looks as though it has been forged. I'm just wondering what I should do? I don't trust my father to know what's going on, he also gets easily agitated when asked personal questions.
I have not seen the amendment of his beneficiaries from us 3 kids to the 3 kids 4 grandkids version. I only know he said that was his intention, and I believe my uncle was the one to drive him to his brokers office which is why they managed to get themselves inserted as beneficiaries. The signed form was sent to my dad's mailing address (which is mine).
submitted by Money-Sea1129 to legaladvicecanada [link] [comments]
I have not seen the amendment of his beneficiaries from us 3 kids to the 3 kids 4 grandkids version. I only know he said that was his intention, and I believe my uncle was the one to drive him to his brokers office which is why they managed to get themselves inserted as beneficiaries. The signed form was sent to my dad's mailing address (which is mine).
2024.04.25 21:15 SomeOrganization3389 Being "sued" by a family friend after handling their affairs for them in prison.
Hi Reddit. I am making this post because I am being sued by a former family friend. About 3 years ago I decided to help a friend of mine that was like family to me. This individual went to prison and he needed help handling the upkeep a 4-apartment complex that his mother left to him when she passed away. I was in a different state and very reluctant to put myself on the line like this but he managed to convince me to be his POA so I could handle his affairs. He obtained a POA and appointed me to be able to help him with his affairs while he was in prison. This included taking care of apartments, paying electric, water etc for the apartments. It also included sending him commissary money, putting money on his account for him to make phone calls from prison and sending him money via paypal or money order for him to have money in prison. This lasted almost 2 years.
I took care of everything and even helped him find a lawyer and I paid his lawyer fees out of pocket. I was later reimbursed. I also kept up with his case via his lawyer and I wrote a letter for the judge for the judge to have mercy on him. After helping this person for a while, it became too much to handle having a full-time job while still helping this person with all their affairs when they were in prison. I suggested he finds someone else to assist him with all of his affairs going forward. After some back and forth he appointed a new person. I spoke to him after he appointed this new person and everything was fine. Our friendship ended due to me no longer being able to help him among other things. Such as he became verbally abusive and he was upset because by the time he was out of prison his money was almost gone. Mind you this person requested about $400 a week in commissary. The apartments were also in pretty rough shape and he neglected to pay all the utilities for almost a year and there was a lien on the apartments due to his neglect in not paying the utilities. My family and I helped fix the apartments so that when he got out of prison, he would be able to rent all the apartments and have some income coming in.
When this person got out of prison, I went over the bills that were paid as well as all upkeep and reasoning of why about 80% of the money he had prior to going to prison was gone. This included having to pay liens and repairs to the complex. He was a little upset about it but he understood or at least I thought he understood. This person is pretty reckless and was doing things that I did not want to be a part of. Such as getting dui's and being involved in drugs. I stopped talking to this person for obvious reasons. It's been about 3 years since I last spoke to him. I thought this was all behind me since our friendship had ended and I had not talked to him in years. I recently received a letter from an attorney claiming that this person believes I took his money and used it for my own benefit. This person was like a brother to me. I would never take money that's not mine. They are wanting me to pay them back for the full amount they had on their bank account prior to going to prison. I have a lot of receipts that prove that I did not do this but I am missing receipts because I removed myself from everything once he appointed a new person to handle his affairs. This person has access to all the receipts, bank statements etc but they simply won't do their own research to verify that the money was used to pay bills, pay for his commissary and to fix his apartments. Now his attorney is claiming I stole his money and used it for my own purposes. I know this may sound dumb but I did not keep every receipt possible because this person never requested, I keep track of every receipt and I never thought I would be in this situation. This being said I still have a SUBSTANTIAL number of receipts that accounts for nearly everything but I never thought I would need to cover my ass this hard. To give a little context on the amount it is between 20-30k.
What can I do to prove that I did not take any of his money? Should I also seek legal counsel? If so, does anyone have any suggestions on attorneys or law firms that do pro bono work?
TLDR; handled affairs and upkeep of apartments for family friend while he was in prison, friends/family and myself physically worked to keep his apartment building from falling apart. Paying bills, repairing what needed to be repaired etc... He is now suing me stating I essentially stole his money. Much of our conversations where this was discussed was while he was in prison so I’m not 100% how to get those phone calls. If it matters this person is a convicted felon with a documented track record and rap sheet of abuse against women and general “hood nonsense”. Lawyers are now sending threatening demands asking for my “proof” which I have but am hesitant to hand over to them.
Attorney is in New Mexico, i am not.
submitted by SomeOrganization3389 to legaladvice [link] [comments]
I took care of everything and even helped him find a lawyer and I paid his lawyer fees out of pocket. I was later reimbursed. I also kept up with his case via his lawyer and I wrote a letter for the judge for the judge to have mercy on him. After helping this person for a while, it became too much to handle having a full-time job while still helping this person with all their affairs when they were in prison. I suggested he finds someone else to assist him with all of his affairs going forward. After some back and forth he appointed a new person. I spoke to him after he appointed this new person and everything was fine. Our friendship ended due to me no longer being able to help him among other things. Such as he became verbally abusive and he was upset because by the time he was out of prison his money was almost gone. Mind you this person requested about $400 a week in commissary. The apartments were also in pretty rough shape and he neglected to pay all the utilities for almost a year and there was a lien on the apartments due to his neglect in not paying the utilities. My family and I helped fix the apartments so that when he got out of prison, he would be able to rent all the apartments and have some income coming in.
When this person got out of prison, I went over the bills that were paid as well as all upkeep and reasoning of why about 80% of the money he had prior to going to prison was gone. This included having to pay liens and repairs to the complex. He was a little upset about it but he understood or at least I thought he understood. This person is pretty reckless and was doing things that I did not want to be a part of. Such as getting dui's and being involved in drugs. I stopped talking to this person for obvious reasons. It's been about 3 years since I last spoke to him. I thought this was all behind me since our friendship had ended and I had not talked to him in years. I recently received a letter from an attorney claiming that this person believes I took his money and used it for my own benefit. This person was like a brother to me. I would never take money that's not mine. They are wanting me to pay them back for the full amount they had on their bank account prior to going to prison. I have a lot of receipts that prove that I did not do this but I am missing receipts because I removed myself from everything once he appointed a new person to handle his affairs. This person has access to all the receipts, bank statements etc but they simply won't do their own research to verify that the money was used to pay bills, pay for his commissary and to fix his apartments. Now his attorney is claiming I stole his money and used it for my own purposes. I know this may sound dumb but I did not keep every receipt possible because this person never requested, I keep track of every receipt and I never thought I would be in this situation. This being said I still have a SUBSTANTIAL number of receipts that accounts for nearly everything but I never thought I would need to cover my ass this hard. To give a little context on the amount it is between 20-30k.
What can I do to prove that I did not take any of his money? Should I also seek legal counsel? If so, does anyone have any suggestions on attorneys or law firms that do pro bono work?
TLDR; handled affairs and upkeep of apartments for family friend while he was in prison, friends/family and myself physically worked to keep his apartment building from falling apart. Paying bills, repairing what needed to be repaired etc... He is now suing me stating I essentially stole his money. Much of our conversations where this was discussed was while he was in prison so I’m not 100% how to get those phone calls. If it matters this person is a convicted felon with a documented track record and rap sheet of abuse against women and general “hood nonsense”. Lawyers are now sending threatening demands asking for my “proof” which I have but am hesitant to hand over to them.
Attorney is in New Mexico, i am not.
2024.04.25 18:01 Key-Impress-5553 To My Youngest Son
To my esteemed Llum,
I am a day from Omor. Tomorrow, I shall reach it for the final time. I can feel my life attempting to escape my body, but I will not allow it until I have fulfilled my duty. Part of that duty is to ensure the future of the Grevth. Thus, I am writing you with a heavy heart.
I have heard rumours that you have spoken out against Sven becoming the next ruler, stating that you believe Aedid is the most fit. This troubles me as I picked Sven to lead the Grevth and the Khuzait kingdom. Why do you betray me in a way such as this?
You have always stood out amongst the soldiers, leading the infantry. Thanks to your efforts, we have lost fewer soldiers. You have done well to retain and improve on the lessons you’ve learned from me. You are to be a strong asset to the Grevth. Yet, you have tried to cause discord within our family.
I understand you have an eye for talent that rivals my own; thus, you see what Aedid could become. But, we should not go against our own family. As I have told your brother, Udris, the Grevth will always be there, even on your death. The Grevth stay united against all enemies.
If someone were to go against any of my children, I would go out of my way to defend them just as I have rushed to the defence of Omor during any siege to protect your brother, despite personal feelings.
This brings me to my final lesson: loyalty is valued above all. A loyal soldier who may not be very skilled is worth far more than a skilled soldier who is unloyal. When adversity comes, the faithful will help you through. When you lose everything, the loyal will help you rebuild.
I’m aware that you may not believe Sven is the best choice to be the leader, and I know you think I am wrong, but trying to turn us against ourselves is not how you voice your concern. Loyalty to the Grevth will always bring more than deception. The Grevth will protect their own and ensure that the Grevth will reign.
Marena caught up to our army while her caravan was returning to Omor. She had asked me to meet with all of you one last time when I arrive. You should receive this letter soon before the meeting. If you still refuse to acknowledge Sven as the next head of the Grevth, we shall discuss it openly as a family.
To the esteemed Llum, trust in my judgement.
The Great Khan
Regin Grevth
Link to the First Letter:
https://www.reddit.com/Bannerlord/comments/1c7xr5s/to_my_firstborn/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Link to the Second Letter
https://www.reddit.com/Bannerlord/comments/1caasfz/to_my_eldest_daughte?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Link to the Third Letter
https://www.reddit.com/Bannerlord/comments/1cb9f4g/to_my_failure/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Link to the Fourth Letter
https://www.reddit.com/Bannerlord/comments/1cc6hu6/to_my_third_son/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
submitted by Key-Impress-5553 to mountandblade [link] [comments]
I am a day from Omor. Tomorrow, I shall reach it for the final time. I can feel my life attempting to escape my body, but I will not allow it until I have fulfilled my duty. Part of that duty is to ensure the future of the Grevth. Thus, I am writing you with a heavy heart.
I have heard rumours that you have spoken out against Sven becoming the next ruler, stating that you believe Aedid is the most fit. This troubles me as I picked Sven to lead the Grevth and the Khuzait kingdom. Why do you betray me in a way such as this?
You have always stood out amongst the soldiers, leading the infantry. Thanks to your efforts, we have lost fewer soldiers. You have done well to retain and improve on the lessons you’ve learned from me. You are to be a strong asset to the Grevth. Yet, you have tried to cause discord within our family.
I understand you have an eye for talent that rivals my own; thus, you see what Aedid could become. But, we should not go against our own family. As I have told your brother, Udris, the Grevth will always be there, even on your death. The Grevth stay united against all enemies.
If someone were to go against any of my children, I would go out of my way to defend them just as I have rushed to the defence of Omor during any siege to protect your brother, despite personal feelings.
This brings me to my final lesson: loyalty is valued above all. A loyal soldier who may not be very skilled is worth far more than a skilled soldier who is unloyal. When adversity comes, the faithful will help you through. When you lose everything, the loyal will help you rebuild.
I’m aware that you may not believe Sven is the best choice to be the leader, and I know you think I am wrong, but trying to turn us against ourselves is not how you voice your concern. Loyalty to the Grevth will always bring more than deception. The Grevth will protect their own and ensure that the Grevth will reign.
Marena caught up to our army while her caravan was returning to Omor. She had asked me to meet with all of you one last time when I arrive. You should receive this letter soon before the meeting. If you still refuse to acknowledge Sven as the next head of the Grevth, we shall discuss it openly as a family.
To the esteemed Llum, trust in my judgement.
The Great Khan
Regin Grevth
Link to the First Letter:
https://www.reddit.com/Bannerlord/comments/1c7xr5s/to_my_firstborn/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Link to the Second Letter
https://www.reddit.com/Bannerlord/comments/1caasfz/to_my_eldest_daughte?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Link to the Third Letter
https://www.reddit.com/Bannerlord/comments/1cb9f4g/to_my_failure/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Link to the Fourth Letter
https://www.reddit.com/Bannerlord/comments/1cc6hu6/to_my_third_son/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
2024.04.25 18:00 Key-Impress-5553 To My Youngest Son
To my esteemed Llum,
I am a day from Omor. Tomorrow, I shall reach it for the final time. I can feel my life attempting to escape my body, but I will not allow it until I have fulfilled my duty. Part of that duty is to ensure the future of the Grevth. Thus, I am writing you with a heavy heart.
I have heard rumours that you have spoken out against Sven becoming the next ruler, stating that you believe Aedid is the most fit. This troubles me as I picked Sven to lead the Grevth and the Khuzait kingdom. Why do you betray me in a way such as this?
You have always stood out amongst the soldiers, leading the infantry. Thanks to your efforts, we have lost fewer soldiers. You have done well to retain and improve on the lessons you’ve learned from me. You are to be a strong asset to the Grevth. Yet, you have tried to cause discord within our family.
I understand you have an eye for talent that rivals my own; thus, you see what Aedid could become. But, we should not go against our own family. As I have told your brother, Udris, the Grevth will always be there, even on your death. The Grevth stay united against all enemies.
If someone were to go against any of my children, I would go out of my way to defend them just as I have rushed to the defence of Omor during any siege to protect your brother, despite personal feelings. This brings me to my final lesson: loyalty is valued above all. A loyal soldier who may not be very skilled is worth far more than a skilled soldier who is unloyal. When adversity comes, the faithful will help you through. When you lose everything, the loyal will help you rebuild.
I’m aware that you may not believe Sven is the best choice to be the leader, and I know you think I am wrong, but trying to turn us against ourselves is not how you voice your concern. Loyalty to the Grevth will always bring more than deception. The Grevth will protect their own and ensure that the Grevth will reign.
Marena caught up to our army while her caravan was returning to Omor. She had asked me to meet with all of you one last time when I arrive. You should receive this letter soon before the meeting. If you still refuse to acknowledge Sven as the next head of the Grevth, we shall discuss it openly as a family.
To the esteemed Llum, trust in my judgement.
The Great Khan
Regin Grevth
Link to the First Letter:
https://www.reddit.com/Bannerlord/comments/1c7xr5s/to_my_firstborn/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Link to the Second Letter
https://www.reddit.com/Bannerlord/comments/1caasfz/to_my_eldest_daughte?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Link to the Third Letter
https://www.reddit.com/Bannerlord/comments/1cb9f4g/to_my_failure/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Link to the Fourth Letter
https://www.reddit.com/Bannerlord/comments/1cc6hu6/to_my_third_son/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
submitted by Key-Impress-5553 to Bannerlord [link] [comments]
I am a day from Omor. Tomorrow, I shall reach it for the final time. I can feel my life attempting to escape my body, but I will not allow it until I have fulfilled my duty. Part of that duty is to ensure the future of the Grevth. Thus, I am writing you with a heavy heart.
I have heard rumours that you have spoken out against Sven becoming the next ruler, stating that you believe Aedid is the most fit. This troubles me as I picked Sven to lead the Grevth and the Khuzait kingdom. Why do you betray me in a way such as this?
You have always stood out amongst the soldiers, leading the infantry. Thanks to your efforts, we have lost fewer soldiers. You have done well to retain and improve on the lessons you’ve learned from me. You are to be a strong asset to the Grevth. Yet, you have tried to cause discord within our family.
I understand you have an eye for talent that rivals my own; thus, you see what Aedid could become. But, we should not go against our own family. As I have told your brother, Udris, the Grevth will always be there, even on your death. The Grevth stay united against all enemies.
If someone were to go against any of my children, I would go out of my way to defend them just as I have rushed to the defence of Omor during any siege to protect your brother, despite personal feelings. This brings me to my final lesson: loyalty is valued above all. A loyal soldier who may not be very skilled is worth far more than a skilled soldier who is unloyal. When adversity comes, the faithful will help you through. When you lose everything, the loyal will help you rebuild.
I’m aware that you may not believe Sven is the best choice to be the leader, and I know you think I am wrong, but trying to turn us against ourselves is not how you voice your concern. Loyalty to the Grevth will always bring more than deception. The Grevth will protect their own and ensure that the Grevth will reign.
Marena caught up to our army while her caravan was returning to Omor. She had asked me to meet with all of you one last time when I arrive. You should receive this letter soon before the meeting. If you still refuse to acknowledge Sven as the next head of the Grevth, we shall discuss it openly as a family.
To the esteemed Llum, trust in my judgement.
The Great Khan
Regin Grevth
Link to the First Letter:
https://www.reddit.com/Bannerlord/comments/1c7xr5s/to_my_firstborn/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Link to the Second Letter
https://www.reddit.com/Bannerlord/comments/1caasfz/to_my_eldest_daughte?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Link to the Third Letter
https://www.reddit.com/Bannerlord/comments/1cb9f4g/to_my_failure/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Link to the Fourth Letter
https://www.reddit.com/Bannerlord/comments/1cc6hu6/to_my_third_son/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
2024.04.25 02:18 PositiveLeather327 Can anybody explain the Wisconsin timeline for 2 year Child Caretaker Exception regarding estate recovery?
Everything I find seems vague, just trying to shield home. I have been father’s caretaker (Alzheimer’s, congestive heart failure, immobility) for over 2 years now, working out of home and caretaking 24/7. I do have doctor’s letter verifying I kept him out of assisted living, POA, proof of residency, etc…
When do I apply for this, now? When he goes into LTC? At his death? When should home be transferred to me? When does elder care attorney need to get involved? Is this just wasting time because Medicaid will take what they can?
I can find rules and regulations but none actually explain the timeline/process and steps to do this and it seems like it would be easy to fall through cracks with no way to appeal and then family home that we use as a central gathering place will be gone. Any info would be appreciated.
submitted by PositiveLeather327 to Medicaid [link] [comments]
When do I apply for this, now? When he goes into LTC? At his death? When should home be transferred to me? When does elder care attorney need to get involved? Is this just wasting time because Medicaid will take what they can?
I can find rules and regulations but none actually explain the timeline/process and steps to do this and it seems like it would be easy to fall through cracks with no way to appeal and then family home that we use as a central gathering place will be gone. Any info would be appreciated.
2024.04.24 21:00 Key-Impress-5553 To My Third Son
To my blessed Aedid,
As I travel back to Omor, I am relishing in my victory. Finally, the Vlandians are no more. Finally, I can rest. But yet, I cannot ignore your performance in the final siege. Aedid, you have opened my eyes.
Many have told me that you are the most similar to me. I admit, you bore the most resemblance to me of your siblings, but I did not see what the others were saying. I believed that none could genuinely compare to myself physically and mentally. However, this previous battle was one of the few in which I was outperformed.
You have stormed the broken walls, cut down many Vlandians, and proven that Irya may have an equal soon. But through all this, I have noticed one critical difference between us: ambition.
It is not bad; you follow orders well and show extreme loyalty. You have not shown interest in taking the throne and have supported your brother greatly. But, you also lack the ambition to become a general or court member. You have only followed orders, never questioned, never given an opinion, and never shown whether you think the decision is correct. Some may find this as an admirable quality, but this troubles me.
If you are indeed like me, if you are indeed the second coming of your father, speak up. I would have never allowed my general to make a wrong decision, nor would I have allowed myself to be equal to a foot soldier. You’ve sat under your brother Sven in the cavalry and have yet to speak to the men as the unit's second-in-command. I implore you to let go of whatever may hold you back.
As I fear you may not listen to me, I will force your hand. When I return to Omor, I will appoint you as the head of my cavalry unit. You will also be instructed to give an opinion during all war councils in the future. You have the talent and the ability. I will not see it be put to waste.
That being said, I have noticed your improvement in smithing. You have created near-legendary weapons, even improving some of my early designs. This makes me proud, as your siblings seemed to not follow in my footsteps regarding this. I’ve also heard that you have attempted to create new armour. I wish I would live long enough to see what you make, but I fear I will not last long after we reach Omor.
With this, I give you one final lesson: Regardless of the circumstances, rumours, trials, tribulations, and opposition, believe in yourself. Push yourself. Not just for the Grevth, but also for you. You are not required to desire the throne or even have grand aspirations, but not believing in oneself is a crime you cannot commit. Not only are you a Grevth, and not only are you my son, but you are also you. There can never be another you, just as there cannot be another me or Sven. Regardless of our similarities, some differences cannot be mistaken. Those differences make us individuals, proving that we are truly unique.
You have been blessed with gifts no one else possesses; thus, you must believe in your ability to use them.
My blessed Aedid, if nothing else, I believe in you.
The Great Khan
Regin Grevth.
Link to the First Letter:
https://www.reddit.com/Bannerlord/comments/1c7xr5s/to_my_firstborn/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Link to the Second Letter
https://www.reddit.com/Bannerlord/comments/1caasfz/to_my_eldest_daughte?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Link to the Third Letter
https://www.reddit.com/Bannerlord/comments/1cb9f4g/to_my_failure/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
submitted by Key-Impress-5553 to Bannerlord [link] [comments]
As I travel back to Omor, I am relishing in my victory. Finally, the Vlandians are no more. Finally, I can rest. But yet, I cannot ignore your performance in the final siege. Aedid, you have opened my eyes.
Many have told me that you are the most similar to me. I admit, you bore the most resemblance to me of your siblings, but I did not see what the others were saying. I believed that none could genuinely compare to myself physically and mentally. However, this previous battle was one of the few in which I was outperformed.
You have stormed the broken walls, cut down many Vlandians, and proven that Irya may have an equal soon. But through all this, I have noticed one critical difference between us: ambition.
It is not bad; you follow orders well and show extreme loyalty. You have not shown interest in taking the throne and have supported your brother greatly. But, you also lack the ambition to become a general or court member. You have only followed orders, never questioned, never given an opinion, and never shown whether you think the decision is correct. Some may find this as an admirable quality, but this troubles me.
If you are indeed like me, if you are indeed the second coming of your father, speak up. I would have never allowed my general to make a wrong decision, nor would I have allowed myself to be equal to a foot soldier. You’ve sat under your brother Sven in the cavalry and have yet to speak to the men as the unit's second-in-command. I implore you to let go of whatever may hold you back.
As I fear you may not listen to me, I will force your hand. When I return to Omor, I will appoint you as the head of my cavalry unit. You will also be instructed to give an opinion during all war councils in the future. You have the talent and the ability. I will not see it be put to waste.
That being said, I have noticed your improvement in smithing. You have created near-legendary weapons, even improving some of my early designs. This makes me proud, as your siblings seemed to not follow in my footsteps regarding this. I’ve also heard that you have attempted to create new armour. I wish I would live long enough to see what you make, but I fear I will not last long after we reach Omor.
With this, I give you one final lesson: Regardless of the circumstances, rumours, trials, tribulations, and opposition, believe in yourself. Push yourself. Not just for the Grevth, but also for you. You are not required to desire the throne or even have grand aspirations, but not believing in oneself is a crime you cannot commit. Not only are you a Grevth, and not only are you my son, but you are also you. There can never be another you, just as there cannot be another me or Sven. Regardless of our similarities, some differences cannot be mistaken. Those differences make us individuals, proving that we are truly unique.
You have been blessed with gifts no one else possesses; thus, you must believe in your ability to use them.
My blessed Aedid, if nothing else, I believe in you.
The Great Khan
Regin Grevth.
Link to the First Letter:
https://www.reddit.com/Bannerlord/comments/1c7xr5s/to_my_firstborn/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Link to the Second Letter
https://www.reddit.com/Bannerlord/comments/1caasfz/to_my_eldest_daughte?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Link to the Third Letter
https://www.reddit.com/Bannerlord/comments/1cb9f4g/to_my_failure/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
2024.04.24 18:07 Key-Impress-5553 To My Third Son
To my blessed Aedid,
As I travel back to Omor, I am relishing in my victory. Finally, the Vlandians are no more. Finally, I can rest. But yet, I cannot ignore your performance in the final siege. Aedid, you have opened my eyes.
Many have told me that you are the most similar to me. I admit, you bore the most resemblance to me of your siblings, but I did not see what the others were saying. I believed that none could genuinely compare to myself physically and mentally. However, this previous battle was one of the few in which I was outperformed.
You have stormed the broken walls, cut down many Vlandians, and proven that Irya may have an equal soon. But through all this, I have noticed one critical difference between us: ambition.
It is not bad; you follow orders well and show extreme loyalty. You have not shown interest in taking the throne and have supported your brother greatly. But, you also lack the ambition to become a general or court member. You have only followed orders, never questioned, never given an opinion, and never shown whether you think the decision is correct. Some may find this as an admirable quality, but this troubles me.
If you are indeed like me, if you are indeed the second coming of your father, speak up. I would have never allowed my general to make a wrong decision, nor would I have allowed myself to be equal to a foot soldier. You’ve sat under your brother Sven in the cavalry and have yet to speak to the men as the unit's second-in-command. I implore you to let go of whatever may hold you back.
As I fear you may not listen to me, I will force your hand. When I return to Omor, I will appoint you as the head of my cavalry unit. You will also be instructed to give an opinion during all war councils in the future. You have the talent and the ability. I will not see it be put to waste.
That being said, I have noticed your improvement in smithing. You have created near-legendary weapons, even improving some of my early designs. This makes me proud, as your siblings seemed to not follow in my footsteps regarding this. I’ve also heard that you have attempted to create new armour. I wish I would live long enough to see what you make, but I fear I will not last long after we reach Omor.
With this, I give you one final lesson: Regardless of the circumstances, rumours, trials, tribulations, and opposition, believe in yourself. Push yourself. Not just for the Grevth, but also for you. You are not required to desire the throne or even have grand aspirations, but not believing in oneself is a crime you cannot commit. Not only are you a Grevth, and not only are you my son, but you are also you. There can never be another you, just as there cannot be another me or Sven. Regardless of our similarities, some differences cannot be mistaken. Those differences make us individuals, proving that we are truly unique.
You have been blessed with gifts no one else possesses; thus, you must believe in your ability to use them.
My blessed Aedid, if nothing else, I believe in you.
The Great Khan
Regin Grevth.
Link to the First Letter:
https://www.reddit.com/Bannerlord/comments/1c7xr5s/to_my_firstborn/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Link to the Second Letter
https://www.reddit.com/Bannerlord/comments/1caasfz/to_my_eldest_daughte?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Link to the Third Letter
https://www.reddit.com/Bannerlord/comments/1cb9f4g/to_my_failure/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
submitted by Key-Impress-5553 to mountandblade [link] [comments]
As I travel back to Omor, I am relishing in my victory. Finally, the Vlandians are no more. Finally, I can rest. But yet, I cannot ignore your performance in the final siege. Aedid, you have opened my eyes.
Many have told me that you are the most similar to me. I admit, you bore the most resemblance to me of your siblings, but I did not see what the others were saying. I believed that none could genuinely compare to myself physically and mentally. However, this previous battle was one of the few in which I was outperformed.
You have stormed the broken walls, cut down many Vlandians, and proven that Irya may have an equal soon. But through all this, I have noticed one critical difference between us: ambition.
It is not bad; you follow orders well and show extreme loyalty. You have not shown interest in taking the throne and have supported your brother greatly. But, you also lack the ambition to become a general or court member. You have only followed orders, never questioned, never given an opinion, and never shown whether you think the decision is correct. Some may find this as an admirable quality, but this troubles me.
If you are indeed like me, if you are indeed the second coming of your father, speak up. I would have never allowed my general to make a wrong decision, nor would I have allowed myself to be equal to a foot soldier. You’ve sat under your brother Sven in the cavalry and have yet to speak to the men as the unit's second-in-command. I implore you to let go of whatever may hold you back.
As I fear you may not listen to me, I will force your hand. When I return to Omor, I will appoint you as the head of my cavalry unit. You will also be instructed to give an opinion during all war councils in the future. You have the talent and the ability. I will not see it be put to waste.
That being said, I have noticed your improvement in smithing. You have created near-legendary weapons, even improving some of my early designs. This makes me proud, as your siblings seemed to not follow in my footsteps regarding this. I’ve also heard that you have attempted to create new armour. I wish I would live long enough to see what you make, but I fear I will not last long after we reach Omor.
With this, I give you one final lesson: Regardless of the circumstances, rumours, trials, tribulations, and opposition, believe in yourself. Push yourself. Not just for the Grevth, but also for you. You are not required to desire the throne or even have grand aspirations, but not believing in oneself is a crime you cannot commit. Not only are you a Grevth, and not only are you my son, but you are also you. There can never be another you, just as there cannot be another me or Sven. Regardless of our similarities, some differences cannot be mistaken. Those differences make us individuals, proving that we are truly unique.
You have been blessed with gifts no one else possesses; thus, you must believe in your ability to use them.
My blessed Aedid, if nothing else, I believe in you.
The Great Khan
Regin Grevth.
Link to the First Letter:
https://www.reddit.com/Bannerlord/comments/1c7xr5s/to_my_firstborn/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Link to the Second Letter
https://www.reddit.com/Bannerlord/comments/1caasfz/to_my_eldest_daughte?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Link to the Third Letter
https://www.reddit.com/Bannerlord/comments/1cb9f4g/to_my_failure/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button