29F, 5’4” and 195lbs/ SVT, Asthma, Acid Reflux issues, RA/ 10mg Montelukast, 120 mg Diltiazem CD, 20mg Omeprazole 2x day, 200mg Plaquenil 2x day, Albuterol Inhaler as needed.
I was given a script for a single dose of 10mg Valium to help my anxiety for a permanent toe nail removal that’s scheduled in a few weeks. You know how people pass out from stuff like needles, blood, etc. ? My thing that causes this is injured feet/toes and obviously the doctor doesn’t want a needle in my toe and me passing out. This is the only thing I’m a damn wuss about.
I went home and looked up drug interaction, I always do for new medications to make sure there’s no foods or things to avoid and know about, and seen it can cause issues breathing due to my Diltiazem and Omeprazole increasing the effects. Now I’m worried and don’t feel it’s safe to take it and I’m second guessing this doctor. Am I right to feel this way?
Just thinking about the procedure makes me nauseous and sweat so I need some way to get through the removal. I was barely able to ask questions at the appointment because of how scared I was, they wanted to remove it that day but decided not to cause of my anxiety about this.
Also would appreciate anyone sharing the process/experience, especially if I’m overreacting because knowing those things helps my anxiety tremendously…

I'll start by saying I'm not really great at chatting, it's something I rarely ever do.
I would like to chat with someone though who's been through and is going through the same BS as me, so we can maybe help each other deal with it a bit?
Someone who relates to some of:
-Being bullied for being different -Taking the various soul crushing effects of the bullying into adulthood and struggling to get by because of it -Having a bunch of anger and hate inside of you -Having next to no self esteem or confidence -Being a loner, outcast, self isolate? -Having ups and downs, going to dark places but the flame of hope never quite burns out
If you do wanna chat message me and I shall get back to you as soon as I can, have a nice day reader's.

Good morning everyone. Going to call the mayor of the small town about 10AM. First time I ever watched a meeting from the town. It was 7PM last night. They covered many topics but when it came to the piece of land I would like… the members of the committee, 9 people did not want to sell it… They spoke about turning it into a brand new police station. At the moment in the police station is in a basement, shared with a town building. It is a good idea actually…however, that property has sat empty since it was a bank in 2016!! The town has no money to fix that old building and restore it into a brand new police station… 5 million????
So I will call with some ideas. The town needs money badly after I watched the meeting. I no longer will ask or a tax abatement, I will ask a capped tax for 20-30 years. If the town wants more money they need more residents. Most of the towns money comes from property taxes, my new building will raise values all over. New people will need to go shopping and will liven the area…. I would like to build something with 80-100 units. LFG!

Some earnings since yesterday’s close:
AZO 60 M 70 [3% decrease in sales] EXP 55 LOW 75TCOM 65 ZIM 75 [Initially expected to lose 83 cents, analysts expected to much!] TUYA 75 YALA 65 NDSN 60 DJT 20 [Net Loss 327 million, Revenue 770k!] TRNS 70 PANW 75 [Valuation, 60x PE about 10-12% growth expected] KEYS 65
ZM 70

Nothing is wrong with the PANW earnings. They will make close to 5 dollars a share and are trading at 60x earnings. With a growth of near 10-12% expected, maybe you can no longer give it a multiple it once had when growth was 30%? I may buy the dip on ZM if 60. They will make near 5 dollars as well! The PE would be near 12! The growth is slow as well, 5-10% but they are far cheaper! It is not a bad business but no longer a growing business. For similar reasons I had traded MTCH after disappointing earnings, and will look again as it dips below 30. ACMR and YOU smashed earnings, had growth and the stocks are down so I am trading those. CAR has been my work horse since February. SOFI has growth of 30-40% and is about to be profitable…
If you check back to early January analysts had ZIM losing 83 cents a share. I have pics all over Twitter, even wanted to bet they would crush that! They did! They came in at 75 cent profit. They actually revised for the full year. They are actually paying a dividend… I am disappointed the average freight rate was 1,452! WOW I had checked daily and I saw rates 2,000+…I checked yesterday and they were back to 3,000! So they must have locked in some contracts…
The good news is.. that I expected ZIM needed 1,600 avg to break even, so if they made 75 cents a share on 1,452 it means they cut costs drastically.. More good news is that the rates are above 3,000!!! I wouldn’t buy or sell it at the moment, but the coast is much more clearer now. I have sold all my shares near 12… I was trading it a lot from 9 to 12…. I do not know if it goes back there but I am watching… With rates higher on container, the cost cuts, 14% growth in sales dollars, 10% more actually cargo, it seems good for ZIM…

The market should be watching and will be decided on NVDA ?! NVDA I believe should crush earnings…. The company may even announce a dividend… that is speculation but can be bullish…
I can tell you I rather give NVDA SMCI a 60x PE than NOW or PANW . NVDA may have sales growth near 100% and earnings 200-300% so that should tell you the valuation issue with PANW.
Please check ACMR YOU numbers and you will understand why to buy PANW is crazy! Only touching the topic because about 5 people were asking me why PANW is falling after earnings.. Nothing is wrong with PANW .. The growth is slowing, it is a great company… but why would someone pay 60x earnings when growth is slowing near 10%? Where is the value then? Perfection is priced in… so ZM and PYPL grow 5-10% and earnings grow 5% and have a PE near 12? PANW grows slightly more and has a PE near 60?

Keep in mind historically, the SP500 has a PE near 18-19….For this the SP500 returns to you near 9% a year.
On a good year earnings growth is 5% and sales are 10%... 18-19x PE!
Use that as a reference!

5 Trade Ideas:
ACMR – I did try and bid 22.50. I also have 500 shares at 25.45, sadly it went up to 26.25 and I wanted 1 dollar or 26.45, but that is ok!

CAR – I did bid 116 yesterday. I trade 100 shares normally for 2.50-4 dollars each trade. I did make 1 trade recently for 11 dollars, right after earnings

MTCH ZM – So So earnings, but valuations near 12x? MTCH my last trade was 28 to 29 on 500. ZM I am looking for 60

SOFI – I had abused this a lot last year, a few times this year. They are coming closer and closer to making money and still have 30-40% growth, even as they grow larger… HIMS hit 2! They were losing money but growth was 80-100%.. Even years later HIMS growth is still near 50%, big news on Ozempic rival yesterday

CVNA RDDT DJT – Put ideas, if any of these rally near 5-10%, they are already high but you want to dump the pumps! I will look for puts with 60-90 days

The contents of this post are for information and entertainment purposes only and does not constitute financial, accounting, or legal advice. ... By choosing to make a trade you are responsible for your own actions. Please do some due diligence. These are trades I am making and you can follow along. If you make a winning trade, I do not even expect a bravo or thanks but that’s fine, if you lose on a trade the same difference.. I do not even expect an upvote or reward… The Elite team is aware of the risks and volatility in the market.

Good luck everyone let’s make money. Share trades, ideas here during trading hours. Our main goal here is to make money so I hope we can help eachother. I will be in and out of here as well.

I started taking zoloft at the age of of 16 from constant over stimulation that had started once i hit puberty at 11 years old. The first few months on zoloft i felt happier than i had ever felt before to a pretty extreme extent. I didnt know this was an odd reaction to ssri’s especially since up to the age of 16 i had never done any drugs. I hadn’t ever even had caffeine before besides the low amount in soda which I rarely ever had. The reason im saying this is because there were nothing in my life i had experienced that was mind altering. This is why i didnt know at the time that i was really, really high on zoloft. Apparently it was obvious to my family who have said it was very obvious something was wrong once I started. I became the most extreme extrovert anyone could ever become. This all lead to me going from a normal 3.0 gpa to graduating with a 1.8 gpa. I became a drug addict in the worst way possible. I had become so impulsive. I went from being a kid who never lies or does anything bad to the guy who lies for no reason. I became a poly addict within months of starting zoloft. I became completely disconnected from not only friends but to my parents as well. This continued for 2 years until i finally stopped taking it at 18. Once i stopped taking zoloft i did a complete 180, well sort of. The addictions i picked up on zoloft for the most part stopped, except for one drug which i still struggle with. That being adderall and vyvanse. Thank the lord i never met anyone with meth during this time. There were other drugs i was addicted too as well while on zoloft like oxycodone, hydrocodone, weed, nicotine, xanax, Klonopin, alcohol and even more. I was addicted to all of these. I couldnt stop thinking about getting high. Its all i thought about. Always thinking of ways to get drugs. My parents had to buy a safe specifically for there prescriptions to keep me from stealing them. Even my own zoloft was in there safe because i would take 4 a day when i was prescribed to take one 50mg. I even abused tylenal(acetaminophen). My parents also couldn’t keep alcohol anywhere in the house since everynight after they went to bed i would search the whole house for it.

 Like i said though once I turned 18 i stopped taking zoloft and just like that all of my hyper focused drug cravings went away, all of them except for amphetamines which i still struggle with today. Also this isnt really related but when i was 19 i tried molly(mdma) with a friend which i had only had gotten because i started abusing amphetamines again which for some reason amphetamines also make me impulsive, but not to the same level as Zoloft though. Anyways when i took the molly, guess what it felt like?! It was literally the exact same head space and just over all feeling i had during the first 6 moths on Zoloft. It felt exactly the same, just it only lasted for a few hourse and made me very umm aroused, and a bit hyped. 

Im about to turn 21 in 7 days so it really hasnt been to long since my manic days.
Second time on ssri’s
Right around when i had turned 20 i began getting my first ever panic attacks. Most of them were the normal panic attacks, well normal probably isn’t the right word. I mean most of the attacks i had i could deal with on my own since they all happened at night when i was alone. One night though that changed. This particular night i felt that dreadful anxiety which i had been feeling for the past couple weeks already but it had never gotten to the point where it was too overwhelming for me deal with on my own. I was just laying in bed going to sleep, then it just happened in less than a second i knew i was gonna die. I knew this was it. I couldn’t breathe or i guess i could breathe but for some reason every time i would inhale it was just like i wasn’t idk. That immediate overwhelming feeling of death is the worst pain i hade ever felt. Worse than any physical pain id ever had, well i guess its the worst thing i’ve ever felt period at least at this point in my life. Because of this i went to the doctor. I refused to take ssri’s for it while also really trying to stay away from benzodiazepines for obvious reasons. So i perscribed Buspiron which is kinda in its on catargory. It’s non addictive and its not an antidepressant. So I took it for just about a month. Made me lowkey feel like shit. Constant headaches along with being really hot which is kinda problem since i work physical labor pretty much only outside all while it’s july. So unfortunately the only other option was ssri’s since im still on my parents health insurance my mom would never in a million years allow me take benzodiazepine which is obviously understandable. So i get a script for prozac cause it’s not Zoloft so maybe it’ll be a little different. Boy oh boy was it different. So basically the prozac ended up doing exactly the opposite of what the Zoloft did. I became more depressed than i had ever been by a landslide. Legit would fantasize killing myself. The first two weeks on prozac i would do nothing. Like straight up nothing but think about how amazing it would be to get relief by meeting up with my favorite tree. Eventually it went away for the most part. Then i stopped taking it 3 moths ago, so i was on it for 9 months total. I just felt normal on it for the most part. The only other thing it did that was bothersome was make me a little short tempered.
Ive just been curious if anyone else has experienced something similar to me.

Hi! I am new here and I am preparing for my first 1/4 triathlon which will take place on june the 22nd. It is my first time and I am trying to lose weight whilst working on my fitness and endurence. However, I notice that I am often craving salt and sweet snacks after a bike ride or a run where I sweat a lot.
So my question to you is as follows: How can I manage my weight and caloric intake whilst training hard during the week? Any snacks that you can reccommend that are not as bad and will also aid in my recovery?
Thanks in advance! :)

Hello all,
I am really worried about the "feral" behavior of my cat. I have this European Tabby cat that I inherited from my ex (also a long story, but she did not want to keep him after he bit her. However, at that time, the vet told us it was due to pain). He is normally the sweetest cat, but a bit overly meowie and scared of absolutely everything. He is about 5-7 years old (we don't know exactly since she picked him from the streets).
Recently, I was out of town for 4 days. This happens at least once per month as I have to travel for work. There is always the same person that comes here and takes care of him. The other day, my friend was doing the usual daily checkup for Frodo. He usually loves my friend even more since he is the one always playing and giving him treats. From my friend's story, he opened the door to my apartment and he slightly blocked Frodo with his legs to prevent him from going outside the apartment (he always tries to run out). After about 5 seconds, he told me that the cat suddenly became aggressive and jumped on his leg, scratching and biting him. He immediately ran outside and locked the door. Frodo also ran towards the door and made some "vocal" growls that my friend could hear and record from the other side of the door.
Here is the link to the audio recording: [https://streamable.com/37hef7\](https://streamable.com/37hef7)
The next morning, he tried to check him again, and he apparently was acting just fine. Now I am home, and his reaction has been pretty okay. I approached him slowly and gave him some treats, and he immediately started purring. He seems fine now, just meowie as usual and maybe a bit more scared of everything than before.
What should I do in this case? I am concerned about my cat's health and my own health.
P.S: Something similar happened once when I got back home with a backpack that had a slight cat pee smell (from another cat). When he was smelling the backpack, I tried to grab him and he immediately hissed and attacked me.
P.S2: He is neutered.

When I was pregnant my plan was to exclusively breastfeed my baby girl. After she was born, we really struggled with feeding the first day because she was chomping on my nipples. They were really bloody, painful, chapped. Towards the end of the day I eventually asked my doula to grab some formula and bottles because baby girl needed to eat and I couldn’t supply what she needed in that condition.
The lactation consultant at the hospital was no help either, she was in the room for five minutes and just gave me some pamphlets and left. The nurses were super helpful in getting her to latch but unfortunately they weren’t coming home with us to help me every time.
I began pumping as soon as we got home and more so once my milk supply came in. Baby girl still wouldn’t latch so she was having formula and bottled breastmilk. I was constantly beating myself up over this thinking something was wrong with me that I couldn’t feed my baby. I really wanted her to be breastfed. My doula referred us to a lactation consultant in our area who helped us with a lot. She was able to have baby latch with a nipple shield and she told me there isn’t anything anatomically wrong with me, which was a weight taken off my shoulders, but that baby girl was lacking the reflexes that babies are born with in order to produce a wide latch. She also found a tongue tie that our pediatrician missed. So we had to do different mouth exercises and tongue exercises and ultimately were referred to a pediatric dentist for a laser frenectomy.
Fast forward to now baby girl is 4 months old. Still won’t latch, even with the shield she just screams and gets so upset. I want to give up. I’ve accepted and come to terms with being a lost cause for this and that it probably won’t happen. I feel like I don’t have time to keep trying. I don’t produce enough, I don’t drink enough water, I’m not eating enough to feed my milk supply I feel like I don’t have time to eat these days, my nipples are chapped and discolored from pumping, my baby doesn’t see me and think “mom boobies milk” instead she recognizes the bottle and reaches for it and smiles at it and while it’s cute a part of me breaks. I never got to experience the bonding that comes with breastfeeding, the comfort for baby, the exchange of enzymes in her saliva that tells my body what she needs if she’s sick.
You know, my entire life I’ve always felt I was born into the wrong generation but let me tell you, I have never been more grateful to be born into this generation. I’ve been lucky enough to use several different kinds of pumps over the last four months to feed my baby. I never wanted her to be a formula baby (yes I was that mom) but I am beyond thankful to have a formula that’s right for my baby (plus, you can’t tell by looking at someone if they had formula or breastmilk and my girl is perfectly healthy and growing. A story for another time. Fed is best) Way back when, if you couldn’t feed your baby it would die or someone else would have to feed them. This is what I think about when I’m pumping every single time. How I can’t feed my baby because she couldn’t latch to me. It’s agonizing and consuming.
It is such a biological and primal urge to want to feed your baby, and I simply can’t. It’s wearing me down so much emotionally, I want to stop pumping all together but I don’t know how. I need someone, some mom out there who gets it, to tell me it’s ok to be done :(

So as the title suggests, I bought a pair of shoes and it’s a 3 digit number price point. The seller hadn’t reached back or sent a shipment confirmation for a bit so I texted the seller. That back and forth happened often, the seller telling me sorry it’s taking so long and also saying that they were at the hospital. Then I showed patience and didn’t reach for a while. But it ended up being 2 months and still nothing and till this day I haven’t gotten an answer either a refund or a shipment confirmation. Then EBay said that because it’s been ‘45 days after purchase or past a certain date’ or something that they can’t offer a refund. The seller is still not responsive… Why would the money go straight to the seller’s pockets before a shipment confirmation… any advice, should I call eBay or else ? Thank you very much

I am a 24-year-old autistic dude living on the Thames Estuary. In 2022, I graduated with a 2:1 Bachelors of Science degree in Marketing, but owing to personal circumstances, I've spent most of the time between then and now not working. I'm also not really interested in my area of study anymore and would like to pursue something different.
There was a short period of time for just under three months where my father had invited me to work as an intern for the fintech company he worked at as a Market Data Intern. My job was to ensure that we had the correct data in our database for various financial securities. It was very challenging at first - I felt very far out of my comfort zone - but it did feel a bit easier in time. However, I was told that it was possible that my time at the company would be cut short as they had little work for me; decidedly, I chose to leave on my own terms.
Since then, I went on a UX design bootcamp, and after that, I hit the books and learnt some coding fundamentals (HTML/CSS, JavaScript, and PHP in particular), and was optimistic that, in time, I would be able to form a worthy portfolio of projects to use as a foundation for starting a career as a web designer and developer... until I realised that the job market for tech is - to understate - not great right now.
Currently, I occupy my time volunteering for a political party in my area, sending leaflets, canvassing households, and inputting the data we obtain from those canvasses into the party's voter database. I find it rewarding for its own sake - naturally, I want the party I represent to get into power this year - but indeed, I feel it has helped me regain my confidence after my time at university. Likewise, my work has been recognised by others in the local party, with the local party chair describing me as their most reliable volunteer. I've also done two much more short-term volunteering positions: helping to clean up the local woodlands and stewarding at a street art festival.
Throughout the last few months, I've been considering some other alleyways into a career. I've applied for administrative jobs in the logistics sector - quite large where I live - because of my special interest in passenger transport, and the possibility that I could convert my interest in that to cargo. However, I have had trouble with this, because I don't have a driving licence and would much prefer not driving - apparently, driving is important for even a backroom position. In the last few days, I've considered recruitment consultant roles because they could consolidate many of the skills I've picked up over the years and because the job has a sense of genuine utility, but many job descriptions ask for someone who is particularly "money-hungry" for commissions and I don't really feel that I am that? Indeed, part of me feels I could take an administrative job anywhere, try and climb the ladder, and see where the heck I end up? And indeed, part of me has thought about doing a Master's in something like political communications or town and country planning (a leap, I know!), but I don't think it's the right time for me just yet.
Does anyone have any advice? Thank you in advance.
Mostly AI-Generated TL;DR: 24, autistic, living near London. With a marketing degree in hand, I'm seeking a career that ignites my passion. Web design seemed promising, but the job market gives me pause. Currently, volunteering for a political party fuels my sense of purpose (they even call me their most reliable volunteer!). Logistics appealed to my love for public transport, but my lack of a driver's license hinders that path. Recruitment consulting feels like a good fit for my skills, but the focus on sales isn't a great match. An administrative role with growth potential sounds ideal. Maybe I could even pursue a Master's in a field like political communications someday, but for now, I'm focused on finding the perfect fit.

Hi everyone. Sorry for the bad english
I am a 24 year old boy.
A few months ago I started to develop a very strong relationship with a 22 year old friend of mine(F).
I have already known her for 2 years as she is part of the company I frequent but for 5 months now she has started writing to me, we talk every day from morning to late evening(2:00/3:00 am), we do things together, we talk a lot and we even go out alone, only I and her. without the company that we frequent-
The problem comes from the fact that she is engaged with a boy from the company (3 years of relationship) and the problem has arisen several times that she says she feels she is doing her boyfriend a disservice by behaving like this with me. Because if her boyfriend did this to another girl she would go crazy.
I bought a house and from the moment she found out she started saying that she wanted to help me with the furniture, with the design of the house, that she would come to visit me several times, to watch movies, play games and spend time with me. Just me and her.(the house will be avaiable at July)
She has always sent me ambiguous signals, ambiguous phrases, ambiguous ways of acting. She made a jealous scene at me because she thought I liked another girl
In any case we continued with this relationship. 1 month ago she went on holiday for a week with her boyfriend and although she said she wanted to detach herself from our relationship(being that we write or call each other every day from morning to night), she didn't and in fact she continued to write to me while she was with her boyfriend on the other side of the world.
when she came back, we saw each other and in the evening everything was fine. When she returned home she wrote to me telling me that she felt guilty towards her boyfriend, because she hadn't told him that she and I saw each other that evening. I tried to understand if she was interested in me because she always says that she knows the best solution would be to reduce the frequency with which we talk but she can't do it (she doesn't know why she can't).
Consequently I thought that maybe she might like me, I tried to get him to bring up the subject but nothing. She said she knew very well what she should do (move away and gain some distance) but that she couldn't do it.
We went to sleep as it was late and the next day she wrote to me telling me that there were some things I wasn't telling her, after which she asked me if I likes her. I replied that I have an interest in her, bad response. He started saying that it wasn't okay, that it was better to stop talking to each other. So I took courage and asked her if she likes me.
And she responded with a curt "No, I thought you understood."
After that I managed to make her understand that mine is just an interest and that I don't like her that much. (It's not too true, cause i like her)
So for now I have saved this friendship relationship that we have, but I realize that the thought of this hurts me, I don't understand if it's true that she doesn't like me or if she doesn't even know exactly. If she is afraid of leaving her boyfriend or no.
I don't think you would write to someone on the other side of the world every day, while you're on holiday with your boyfriend if there wasn't some kind of interest, but from what she says, she doesn't like me and in fact she told me that if If I had told her that I like her, she would have ended the relationship we have, because it wouldn't be fair to her, her bf and also to me.
Now I find myself not knowing what to do. I don't think I could go back to how we were at the beginning, going out in the company with the others, her and her boyfriend. Pretending nothing happened. But at the same time I understand that this situation is difficult for her because she can't tell her boyfriend and this ruin our relationship, because she puts her doubts on me.
TL;DR Do you have any advice? she really doesn't like me? Because the signals it sends are very ambiguous and strange. even my friends all thought she liked me.
And now I find myself at a crossroads where the easiest but most painful thing seems to be to break off this unhealthy relationship.

Check here for all images : https://imgur.com/a/m0JiXr8
[This is part of a larger video project on the geological past of Monster Hunter World]
Hello everyone from whichever subreddit I might post this in. I was working on a future video project for Monster Hunter World, and wanted to post some of my findings here, because, hey, it’s actually pretty interesting imo.
Those findings are specifically about the Coral Highlands and the Rotten Vale and whether the death of a giant fucking Dalamadur could trigger the flourishing of an ecosystem like the Coral Highlands
So, without further ado, let’s start !
My objective was to calculate the mass of the giant dalamadur in the Rotten Vale, figure out what’s the average decomposition speed of most animals, and then just multiply both to figure out how long it would’ve taken for the Rotten Vale’s Dalamadur to decompose.
From there on you try to figure out 2 things :

• Whether this duration is longer than at least 65 Million years ago : Since it’s impossible for the Dalamadurs were too large to fit inside the Rotten Vale, a possible theory is that the area was much more open back then, and due to an orogeny which lead to the high mountain ranges in the region and closed of the area in which these chunky bois lived in. Due to the massive size of these Elder Dragons, they probably just eat a lot once, destroying the ecosystem, and then go on to hibernate for long periods of times. Since the largest Dalamadur found in the Rotten Vale is estimated to be around 8-11 km long ( I averaged it to about 9km in length in my calculations ), it’s probably not far-fetched to think they might hibernate through hundred of millions of years, which eventually lead to their death in the Vale. This would also explain why you’re appointed in 4U to kill Dalamadurs, as they can absolutely destroy an ecosystem when they get out of hibernation, and an extra bit of lore that could explain why the Dalamadur only appeared in 4U : it was a one-time thing.

Anyways, the Himalayas, which was the result of very fast colliding plates, creating one of the highest peaking mountain ranges, was formed at around 65-55 Million years ago, when the Indian and Eurasian plates collided. In conclusion, if we assume that the plates which created the mountain range in the area might be slower ( or faster, we never know ), the Rotten Vale’s Dalamadur must be at least as old as the geological formations themselves, in other words around 100+ Million Years Old

• Whether it has enough organic material to sustain an ecosystem.

With that out of the way, I took in the length and weight of the Dalamadur we find in MH4U ( shout-out to u/BloodbathFatalis for figuring it out, links to his post here : ), and apply it to Vale Dalamadur, which I will refer to in this post as “Ancient Dalamadur” from now on
Ill link my spreadsheet later this day, but basically I got a mass of about 342 Million Metric Ton ( fig.1 : https://imgur.com/a/8euzNul ), which is fucking insane. I don’t have anything to compare it immediately but it’s just, unimaginably heavy.
Next, Decomposition
When I was researching this subject, I discovered Whale Falls, which are basically the formation of little ecosystem around a whale carcass, which is EXACTLY what I needed. Whale Falls happen in 3 stages, the first one being the decomposition of soft tissue, the second being the colonization of the bones by different animals, and the third stage is the decomposition of the bones themselves. The Fourth Stage, dubbed “Reef Stage” on Wikipedia, is when all that’s left are minerals : in other words, all organic matter has been consumed. Now, of course, comparing a snake to a whale leads to some issues, and it might not give us an exact value, especially since the chemical composition of whale and snake bones are completely different, but at least this might give us an approximate value. If anyone know the percentage of lipids in snake bones though, I’m down to calculate using that.
Anyways, after applying the values given by *Wikipedia* for the Whale Fall of a grey Whale, we can figure out how long it takes for a Dalamadur, and by extension, an Ancient Dalamadur, to decompose ( fig. 2 : https://imgur.com/a/Bjl3gEE ).
This gives us a total time until Reef Stage of about 885 MILLIONS YEARS.
THAT’S A LONG-ASS TIME
For comparison, On Earth, 885 Millions years ago, Life was literally but a few multicellular organisms that could photosynthesize. Trees, insects, animals, none of them existed yet.
So yeah, having a giant fucking Dalamadur stuck there is plausible, somehow, since by then mountain collision could’ve happened and even after erosion and rifting, the bones would still be there.
Considering also that 50 Millions years of those is just decomposing the Giant Dalamadur until the skeleton is fully colonized, yeah no, this actually makes more sense than we give it credit for
Also, thanks to more *Wikipedia* sources, we have the added knowledge that a grey whale whale fall releases would’ve released around 17 Million Tons of Carbon.
For comparison, most natural oils and fossil fuels are about 85% Carbon, so if all the Organic Matter of these Giant Dalamadurs were trapped, only one of them could amount to 14.2 Million Tons of petroleum, for example. Since 1kg of Petroleum of Petroleum is about 1.27 Liters ( 1L=>0.79kg), 1 ton of Petroleum is 1270 Liters, this gives us about 1.80E10 L of petroleum, or, in other words, 18 Billion Liters, which is about 112,500,000Barrels. For comparison, we as humans use 97,103,871 Barrels per day, so one Ancient Dalamadur has enough organic matter to to fuel the needs for oil for ALL OF HUMANITY for an ENTIRE DAY.
This made me realize two things :

• Holy shit so many living things died in the past so that we could use Cars and Airplanes
  
• Holy shit Humanity is releasing so much fucking CO2… ( Whyyyy do we keep using fossil fuels ffs )
  

Fun fact though, while Ancient Dalamadur is, fucking massive, compared to other snake physiology and anatomy…. He’s not the bulkiest (fig.3 https://imgur.com/a/TvFzKok ). If Dalamadurs had the metabolism of a Gaboon Viper or an Eastern Diamondback Rattlesnake, they’d be MUCH bulkier and would then take even LONGER to decompose and would have EVEN MORE organic matter
This is fucking insane
But anyways, Conclusion :
Considering that the Rotten Vale contains more than just one Ancient Dalamadur, and I only used the mmeasurement approximation of the Largest Ancient Dalamadur, aka, the one with the Giant Skull on the Surface level of the Vale, and that Vaal Hazak’s control over the area is now forcing all elder dragons migrating to the New World to die there, with part of their energy going too the Elder’s Recess :
Yeah, it’s more plausible than I thought, I have to say.
That’s all I have for today, I’ll probably make another post here about the Guiding Lands or maybe even the Everstream someday. Thanks for reading this, if I missed anything or want me to give you some more info on the subject, or even give me some propositions or future video ideas, make sure to comment and also upvote so that more people can see this and I didn’t just spent two days doing research for nothing. See ya !
PS : So I had to rewrite this paragraph due to a fuck up, and also I discovered this after writing all this down, but basically the length of the Ancient Dalamadur might not be accurate, as I've seen posts either saying he's 1-3km long and others saying he's 5-10km long, but, long story short, after doing some calculations, the Ancient Dalamadur's corpse status is realistic if, at minimum, he's about 4-5km long. If anyone could measure the size of the giant dalamadur skull on the surface of the Rotten Vale and the size of a dalamadur head in 4U, we could estimate the length of the Larger Ancient Dalamadur, and, even if it is, like, 1-2km long there are still enough Dalamadur Corpses ( at least 8-9 ) to release enough organic matter to create the coral highlands, I think. If anyone has an actual length tho, I'd be happy to use it, albeit with calculations of how we got to that result.

We are 10 family members who booked this trip through a tour agency. My dadi(grandmother) is 76 years old with operation in both legs and a 3 year cancer patient. Our tour started at 11th May, 2024. We did the char dham in proper sequence (Yamnoutri -Gangotri- Kedarnath -Badrinath). We had a proper itinerary and online bookings done by the agency.
First we had a hotel booking in Barkot. The hotel was okay. they are extremely possessive about their towels with a rule- 1 towel per room??? I'm with my dadi and aunty in one room. They probably have a laundry problem or something but every single hotel has this nonsense rule. Anyways, next day 5am we left for Yamnoutri. Got stuck in a 5km long jam(Yamnoutri is 35km away) Me and my dad decided to walk it out. We covered 20km by 3pm however it started raining and couldn't continue ahead. We stayed in a tapri for 4 hours until the rain cleared. Our family was still stuck in traffic and hadn't reached even close to us. Now it's 8pm. We were supposed to be done with Yamnoutri and go back to our Barkot hotel. We had to cancel our Barkot bookings(and the hotel manager put all the bags of our 10 people in 1 room messing up everyones luggage). We booked another hotel at Sayanchatti were our family members reached at 11pm. Police management was utterly trash. I think even they were surprised with the amount of overcrowding. Next day we finally reached Yamnoutri. About the trek- the pathway/trail is full of shit. And I mean literally full of horse-poop. There are 700-1000 horses. Even after getting a horse, we had to wait 40mins for parchi and additional 1 hour(while on our horse) because of horse-jam. Yes there is a traffic jam of horses ON THE TREK. We wanted to walk but seeing the people who did walk, I was glad we didn't. The path is almost 3 meter wide with pithu, doly/palki, horses and people walking simultaneously. People who walked got continuously hit by horses and had to dirty their shoes in horse poop. We reached the temple finally, did Pooja, etc and managed to return Barkot where we had to re-book for another night. Our itinerary was already messed up at this point and money was wasted thrice (previous booking unattended in Barkot, the new booking in Sayanchatti and rebooking in Barkot). There is more like the incredibly risky horse route, etc but that's inevitable. I'm gonna continue with Gangotri.
We reached Maneri after struggling in jams for 7+ hours. We also did Uttarkashi before that. Ok so here the police had stopped us at checkpost and said cars are going in batches and if they let us go the jam ahead would only get worse. Now our hotel was 5 minutes(3km) by car from the checkpost. I went walking 3km and reached the hotel and there was absolutely no traffic like we told the police. We even showed them on Google maps. Traffic jams are understandable, but not letting us go after talking to the hotel owner, seeing proof that we won't contribute to traffic, that was a bit triggering. From police side it was just plain dumb. The commisioner there would keep talking his egoistical nonsense, not listening to anyone. Finally the rest of my family reached the hotel. Same issue with towels, rubbish beds, never ending insects and super unclean bathrooms with no pressure in water(flush, jets, bath, basin). Anyways, next day 12am we left for Gangotri with zero sleep because we are already behind our bookings and trying to avoid wasting more money. Got stuck in jam till 6am. [Also another note here, we had 2 private cars and one of the drivers was sleeping drunk and almost hit me and my mom. He hit a tempo traveller and we told him go back to sleep.] Finally reached Gangotri at 5:30pm, did our Pooja and then got in line for Darshan. My dadi and I got into the senior citizen line because she is 76 years old and can barely stand/walk in lines. Tilll now in the trip I don't completely blame the police for what was going on. But here in Gangotri, if anyone is going I am warning you, the police is rubbish. They are rude, tired with the crowd and very harsh and worst of all lazy. When u reach the main statue to go darshan, it's continuous pushing and almost a stampede, you cannot carry a baby or a old person there, they are garanteed to get hurt and the police won't care AT ALL. If you are lucky u might get to see the main statue of Ganga Mata for more than 4 seconds. After that we got back to our hotel in Maneri.
Next day we left for our hotel booking (adjusted by our agency) in Phata-Mankheda. Don't forget to go to Guptkashi before entering Phata. Here too same issues like 1 towel per room, charging points at the most unreachable locations in the room, etc. But this was still better than Maneri. Next morning 3am we left for Sonprayag. There is a line for your registration approval which goes on till Sitapur (2km from Sonprayag). People will continuously try to break and enter the line and there is almost a stampede and lot of heated crowd. After registration, you can go join 1km line for government taxi(50rs per head) from Sonprayag to Gaurikund. Anyways, after reaching Gaurikund there is a 1km inclined gali then the horses start.Remember this part^. So here we again had to take a horse even tho we wanted to trek because at this point we were on 3-4hrs sleep everyday and our mental was very weak. We paid 6000rs per horse because it wasn't morning and the horse owner GARANTEED us all of my family members will be together, there will be one person per horse and that he already has the parchi. 5 of us had taken the horses and others went walking, palki and pithu. This path was again same as Yamnoutri or even worse. More horse-poop than ever, the sweepers there won't care and sweep the trash on you if u r in their way and continue doing so. People working there are literally illustrate and 'gouthi'. The horse owner didn't fulfil his promise either. There was 1 man handling 3 horses. The horses were going anywhere, hitting our legs on railings, other yatris,other horses etc. They told us to get down and walk 50m every time they saw police which is when we understood they didn't make a parchi. When we reached the top they demanded for the full money which they very very very obviously did not deserve for all their lies. When we said take 28k because anyways 2 of their men didn't come. They said give 30k else don't give anything at all. This childish, greedy attitude of theirs was again very triggering. We are not beggars and they are not doing us any favours so we still paid them the full amount. We are on a spiritual journey but since everything is about money from tourism, our spirit kept getting crushed. We had to spend the night at Kedarnath and our agency had booked us a dormitory. I warn anyone booking a dormitory, just don't. 30 unclean, continuously used beds, in one non- ventilation suffocating room with 1 Indian style toilet whose latch doesn't work shared with strangers. And the worst part is it is 1000rs per bed. I wouldn't pay 20rs for this rubbish service. At this point my spirit completely broke and I fell sick. I hadn't eaten anything and didn't want to. Next day my dad and I went down through horse at government rate (2300/). Others came in pithu and trek. Now came the worst part. The overcrord at the narrow 500m gali which i told u to remember above. Oh my God. After 22km Trek you are treated with this 0 management wild crowd. I had to take care of my dadi and fam from getting hurt. After reaching Gaurikund, again another 1.5km line with no special preference for senior citizens. Here people bribed the police 500rs to break and enter the line(happened right in front of me and my phone had no battery) When you reach the taxi finally, everyone tries to enter together and the police are just standing mutes. They are done with this💀. Finally got into the taxi, reached Sonprayag. Had to walk till Sitapur. Got a private taxi from there who demanded unreasonable price.We got mad and told him 4000rs till phata-mankheda(20km) which he then agreed to. Our hotel had changed to the worst possible hell of a hotel ever. I don't even want to talk about it. It has scarred me how people go about their business with 0 standards. At this point we just wanted to go home but Badrinath is left 😭
Ngl Badrinath tour was decent. Our hotel was in Piplakoti. Decent hotel called River view hotel. Roads are good. Only 4 hour line in Badrinath with heated crowd and 5 second darshan. At this point we are used to this so it's ok💀. Police was actually working and managing. Only issue we faced was directions from main road to the mandir and back. At night it gets very confusing.
Now I'd like to add, i haven't taken any names of hotels(except river view) or my tour agency because I don't mean any disrespect.
Uttrakhand is a beautiful beaitiful and amazing place with sceneries and memories I will carry with me forever. The sceneries while going to every dham are different and unique in their own way. Even just traveling from one dham to another by road is an amazing experience(excluding the jams).
I have some opinions- 1. Management is almost non-existent. Meet any Yatri and they will tell you the same. 2. Police are corrupt and lazy. Some try actively but that's like 10% of them. 3. The problem with hotels is that they are all on lease. I'll explain. The owner gives a person say Rahul their hotel on lease and asks for a certain amount per year. Rahul gets paid after that certain amount exceeds. Hotel bookings for char dham 6 months are always full. Rahul will always get this money and hence sees no need to maintain this hotel. So that's that. 4. Uttrakhand runs only and only on tourism and it is obvious. So as an individual tourist, you DO NOT matter. They don't care, they get people continuously. If your booking is cancelled there is always someone else to take it. You cannot talk sense to anyone running any type of service there. 5. Yamnoutri, Gangotri and Kedarnath roads for reaching there are narrow. Government should ban big buses permanently and is the best move they can make. These buses are 80% of the reasons for jams. They are improving roads but it's been 75+ years since independence so idk what they are doing. 6. Government should NOT take registrations when they cannot afford them. 27 Lakh registrations is not a joke. 2.8Lakh people in 4 days is not a joke. No one can manage this amount of people. Have a limit. People are spending lakhs of rupees coming from all over India for this and 90% of it is a bad experience. 7. Don't open all char dham together. This year's main issue was all 4 temples opened at the same date, 10th May. People were already ready and started rushing from 7-8th May.
Advice for Future Yatris- 1. Don't come in May. I had a compulsion so we had to. But everyone here says that the best months for char dham is September-October before Diwali. 2. If you do come in May, don't do online bookings. You need to be flexible with where you are gonna stay. 3. Carry a towel per person. Hotels are extremely possessive about their towels. 4. Leave early for every dham if you are committed to do all 4 of them. I've seen lot of people give up in jams. 5. Get warm clothes especially lot of socks and bring medicines, etc. Rain coats are ok but u need a poncho. Rain coats don't cover your bagpacks while trekking and even if they do, they will stretch and might tear. 6. Private cars/taxi yatri, spend a bit more and get a comfortable car. You will spend most of the time in your vehicle. Tempo travellers are extremely uncomfortable and avoid them. 7. Take cold water baths at colder places as warm water baths bring the blood vessels to skin level making it more sensitive later. You have to be mentally prepared before taking a cold water bath. 8. Weather changes like anything. Suncap and goggles are a must in day time. 9. If u get sick/stomach upset have black tea and biscuits. 10. Do private Pooja at Badrinath.
Good things- 1. The food is amazing. It's almost as good as homemade food. You can always tell the cook how you like your food. Do try the Vegetable Maggi at highecolder mountains. It's available everywhere. 2. Sceneries are amazing and don't forget to carry a proper camera. Phone tech these days is good too and will make photo-frame photos. 3. You will always find people to talk to. If you happen to find polite people, say the hotel cook or a homeguard or other yatris or anyone at all, you will have a good conversation. 4. The pandits are good and will only ask you to pay them if u want to for the Pooja. Always pay them. 5. No phone range. It's good so you live in the moment and can enjoy the amazing sceneries :)
I'm trying to be completely honest without involving any type of hate here and trying to paint a complete picture of what my journey was like. We had to go over budget(almost double) because we didn't know any of this even after research. Our tour agency didn't warn us about anything either. Only thing that matters is that you enter the holy grounds. You can expect amazing sceneries but not an amazing darshan in May. It's been a bittersweet journey and I am writing this while omw to home. I hope y'all find this helpful and plan accordingly only if you are going in May or peak season. Otherwise you might not face much issues in September. Thank you for reading.

How does everyone manage work? I’ve been at the same job for 3 years, it’s a call center job essentially. I am always on top as far as performance but having a really difficult time with attendance. The work is overwhelming and I end up in this pattern of working and exceeding all expectations and burning out bad. Then I take days off because I get to a paralyzed burnout where I am just depressed. This pattern has happened my whole life. How do I get up everyday and not dread the monotony and stress like everyone else? I’m 37 and had an adult diagnosis. I am on meds but this is my biggest struggle. I’m the primary for finances in my home for 4 others and have been trying to find another job but I feel this will happen again.

i (18) made plans on monday night to hang out with two other friends (P, 18, and L, 17) on the tuesday (april 2nd). we only were going over to P's house and to dye my hair. when we stopped in the shop on the way we bumped into another friend (Y, 17) who was there with his mum. we invited him to join us but he said no. we didn't think anything of it and said bye and went our separate ways. then at like 10pm that night after everyone got home we found out Y had left all the groupchats with the four of us and some others, some of these gc's hadnt even been used in about a year. we all messaged him asking if he was okay, thinking that he may have been upset that he saw us all without him. we all repeatedly messaged Y checking on him. he didnt respond to anyone but we could even see that he was online and tweeting. we were really confused on what was going on. then on maybe thursday i think L had heard back from him. i dont know if this is relevant background info but i considered all 3 of them my best friends but i recognised that ive known P and are closer with her than i am with the other, like L and Y are closer with each other. L had spoken to Y and they had patched things up, but Y had still not spoken to me nor P. he didn't speak to me until i had asked him in his server where he was speaking to L like normal for him to message me back when i asked if he had a problem with me. he told me that it's nothing against me personally and that i wasn't the only one he wasn't speaking to, and i told him honestly that i felt like it was and that i was starting to get annoyed (because at this point it had been almost 2 weeks with no explanation from him) but he then ignored me again. i admit i may have no right to be annoyed at him but he was actively ignoring just me and P but acted fine whenever we were in college and i didnt have the courage to bring it up to him face to face. even when the four of us and some others went out because of plans that were made months prior, he messaged P (for the first time since the 2nd and this was the 13th after she had messaged him apologising for not inviting him and she explained she had almost cancelled the plans the day of because nothing was really planned). after a few more weeks there was still no explanation and Y still actively ignored P and i. admittedly in my anger i sent him some passive aggressive messages where i asked him to speak to us and explain this because it cant be solved with 0 communication and i dont want to move on like nothing has happened. he claimed that he didnt want to speak on things when he hadnt fully sorted out his emotions, which i completely empathise with but i wished he had simply messaged us saying that he needed some time alone rather than ghosting us for a month at this point. he said he doesnt know how to speak on things hes already spoken on, when i asked him to explain this he didn't really explain it. i asked if it was about how about 2 ish months before this happened he had messaged his server with everyone in (the four of us plus some others) saying how he felt as if the friendships were one-sided and that people weren't putting in the amount of effort he was, and that every hang out was organised by him and no one else. we all messaged him and spoke to him to explain that we do care for him and that we're sorry we made him feel that way. he said it was kinda about this but didnt give any further explanation. he says that it upsets him that people wont think about him before the fact, and that hes struggling with how everyone is telling him he is justified in this situation. i asked if this is cause we hung out without him and then he ghosted me again. its all really upset me because i considered him a best friend but the way hes constantly ignoring me feels as though he doesnt actually care for our friendship and everything we had before ? he had told L privately that im being rude to him and that i have no right to be upset at him, when i feel as though i have all the right because he ignored me for no reason for an entire month. and maybe it's just how i'm seeing things but i feel as though he needs a bit of 'tough love' in this situation ? (please tell me if im TA for this). Y, L and Ps bf arranged to have a private talk about everything that has happened. P and I believe that we should’ve been involved because we’re the people he has an issue with, so we should be there to talk with him. they spoke about his side of the story and established that there was no right or wrong to the situation. Y said that he was not going to reach out first and P and I won’t reach out either because we believe that we shouldn’t have to as we have numerous times before. also P said that after the talk when she went to meet up with her bf and L, Y had his back to her and completely ignored her. a few days after the talk he had messaged L individually and told her how he is thinking about cutting off P and i. he then told L that we were bullying him because we said we didn’t like once piece, we were selfish, and that i was being ‘weird’. L asked for clarification on what we’ve done but he didn’t give any. at this point i dont really care if he does because i feel like theres nothing to cut us off from. P and i are both exhausted of this situation and are tired of him painting us out to be some big bullies because we are 'stealing L off of him' because we spoke to her in college and not him when the four of us were together and Y was turned completely with his back towards P and i. we're tired from constantly trying to speak to him to sort it out and receiving nothing from him despite us all being adults and able to communicate.

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/themachucajr posting in Marriage
Ongoing as per OOP
1 updates - Long
Original - 7th May 2024
Update - 15th May 2024
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My wife friend-zoned me and wants a platonic “companionship”
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My wife (35f) and I (35m) have been married for 15 years and we've been together for 20 years. We have two kids (12,14) we absolutely adore and work tirelessly to provide the best possible life for them. For the past 3 years, things have been somewhat bumpy. I understand that our kids are at an age where they require a ton of our attention and resources with school, band, club sports, and other extracurriculars and I'm aware of the physical and emotional toll that can have on marriages.
However, for these past 3 years, my wife and I have had very little intimacy and very little sex and we've been trying very hard to work on that aspect of our relationship. This past year has been the most difficult and by far the darkest year in our marriage. We didn’t talk very much, we essentially became roommates coparenting our kids under the same roof. It was very depressing and very demoralizing. It was to the point where we began contemplating divorce and it became very dark and gloomy in the household because of that.
We began seeking help with both individualized therapy and couples therapy and it seems to have helped some. Little by little we started to get along and started to have deeper conversations about what our marriage looks like and what we would love for it to look like. This is where it gets tough. As time passed, my wife started to tell me she no longer was "in love with me" and that she only saw me as a "best friend." That she only loved me in a very platonic way, and this was one of the main reasons she didn’t have any desire for intimacy and let alone sex.
This was very shocking to me and quite frankly, I was devastated. I because angry and depressed and I couldn't fathom the thought that I was no longer wanted or desired by the person I felt completely in love with. Things began to deteriorate again and not long after, we were back to square one. I sat down with her one afternoon and had a heart to heart and began to ask questions about where the root of this problem lies, and her answer was "I don't know" and that "I have built up resentment towards you but I don't know where it stems from." As you can imagine, this provides very little to no insight into how to approach this.
I'm puzzled, I'm frustrated and I do not know what to do at this point. Currently, we've arrived at a place where she says that she has no sex drive and no desire for intimacy or connection. She says that all she wants is simply "companionship" which basically means our coparenting roommate dynamic. I asked her what I could possibly do or what is it about me that is so unattractive or undesirable and she her response is always "I don't know." She stated that she does "love" me but its not the same. That she has been feeling disconnected for years and that our marriage just takes up too much work. Her focus is only the children for now and that my coparenting contributions are "meaningful" to her in our home.
I'm at a loss and I'm mainly venting about my frustration. It's tough to realize that the person you love has no feelings for you. I feel like at this point I'm only here to contribute financially and as a parent. I feel like what she means with "companionship" is that she's comfortable with the convenience of having a good father for our kids and my financial contribution to the household.
In regard to intimacy and/or sex, she basically told me that its not something she’s interested in or wants at this time. She mentioned that the only way to get to a point for any of that is to be intoxicated which o believe is incredibly awful and very wrong. I told her I do not think forcing herself to have sex or be intimate by drinking or smoking is good and I declined to be a part of that which to my surprise, it upset her and made her more distant.
We're both extremely honest and transparent. We've never cheated on each other and we are always free to look through each others phones, emails, socials, etc. and we hardly ever do. I asked her if there was someone else and she declined. Honestly, I believe her. We then peacefully went through each other’s things and as expected, it was clean. We've always been very forward, even with the hard topics so I don't smell nor feel any foul play or infidelity.
Am I wrong for declining to only be intimate or have sex when she’s intoxicated? (I'm firm on my stance of not partaking in this "only when I'm high or drunk" sex because it doesn’t sit well with me.) I do not know how to help our situation and I'm starting to become a bit anxious and desperate. We're both fairly young and healthy individuals and good looking. We both have good standing careers and are good parents. I'm just not sure how our lives could have driven us to this point. I'd love some outside perspective on this matter and some insight on how to address something like this. It feels so awful to be unwanted and undesired by my own spouse. I hate it.
tl;dr: My wife of 15+ years is no longer in love with me and doesn’t know way and now says she can only have sex while intoxicated or I need to settle for a platonic sexless marriage and she doesn’t know why that is but it is what it is and I'm in need of insight or advice.
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Comments
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Warthog__
From your comment history it looks like you are Swingers? If so, I would think that would be relevant information to consider.

OOP: We did some swinging in the past. That was fun for some time. We mutually decided to stop doing it and we have established it’s not the case. When we were swinging however, our marriage seemed to be in a good place. This IS something we did disclose with our couple therapist and made sure to include it to make sure we’re not neglecting an obvious potential issue.
I will say, I did ask my wife if what she experienced during swinging is something that is affecting her view on our relationship and she said it wasn’t. Our swinging experience was always together and it was very sex driven. Nothing really emotional or “poly”. Truth is, I have to believe her at her word. I have no reason to distrust her. To date, she’s always been very forward and never afraid of dealing things head on. No matter how painful.

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failedopportunities
It’s an obvious potential issue bro… wether it be she’s enjoying herself a side piece and wants nothing to do with you in that manner anymore. Or, she just went along with you on the swinging and never wanted to do it in the first place. Hence brings resentment. Regardless, should have been included in the initial post.

OOP: Swinging was her idea. Not mine. But I suppose I should have included it but I honestly believe her on it not being an issue. I don’t have any reason to distrust her. Maybe it’s something she has to accept with her therapist or our couples therapist. Can’t really approach that with a solution if she doesn’t think it was a problem. IDK

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BigIronBruce

She says that all she wants is simply "companionship" which basically means our coparenting roommate dynamic.

That's only a marriage if you both agree it is. You're hoping she's going to wake up one day and feel different but she's basically said that's not going to happen and doesn't want to figure out why she feels that way. It seems like you tried several different ways to get to the bottom of it and she's either deflected or is being honest that she's not in love with you.

Am I wrong for declining to only be intimate or have sex when she’s intoxicated?

I wouldn't do this, either, if that makes you feel better.
Will she be your best friend if you live elsewhere and have a relationship with somebody in love you. Probably not. Which makes the whole "best friend" speech feel like self-deception on her part.
I won't lie, if it were me, I'd get a divorce. She doesn't seem willing to do the work to fix the marriage and you can't fix it alone. She might promise to fix it or beg you not to but you need to follow your gut as to whether she actually can or will fix it. She's serious that she wants you to stick around but not necessarily as her husband.
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OOP: A very hard truth to accept here. Thank you

Interesting-Tip-4850

"I’m ensure I do everything possible to mend our marriage to ensure my own peace of mind and excite knowing I did everything I could."

you may still concider 180 method, to protect yourself and perhaps in the same time the reality that the ship is leaving may start to change your wifes perspective. If that doesnt what else would.

OOP: Can you elaborate on the “180 Method”?

Interesting-Tip-4850
Basically withold from any unnecesary interactions and affection. This is from an infidelity forum, but principles are the same https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/documents/library/articles/discovery/the-simplified-180/

OOP: I bookmarked this. I’m heavily considering this.

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Update - 8 days later
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I wanted to give you guys an update of how the therapy session with my wife went this week. Not sure if this is helpful or not but I took many of the responses/comments/suggestions from my initial post and put together some things I wanted to discuss with our couples therapist to help us navigate some of the core issues that may be affecting this situation.
One of the main things that is the "buzz word" of this has been the term "resentment" and it has been really eating me up inside knowing my wife keeps telling me she doesn't know why she's resentful or doesn't know why this is affecting her emotionally/mentally. I brought this up with our therapist once again and resurfaced the conversation about being married for so long (15yrs) and being together since we ere 14yrs old. Our long history of growing up and how having children when she was 19yrs old (me 20) significantly changed the trajectory of our lives.
We experience severe poverty and many hardships in the process and we essentially had zero social life for the past 10 years because we were so busy raising babies (2 kids now ages 12 &14). She followed up with tons of questions directly mostly at my wife about her feelings towards this and 90% of the responses were very "our kids" focused. It definitely felt like she was afraid of saying "yes it sucked" because she would feel guilt or shame because it would imply she regrets the kids.
I mentioned this in the session and the therapist encouraged her to look at this outside of the lens of being a mother and to try to view it a bit more selfishly and individually and it was very eye opening. My wife mentioned that she was very frustrated with the fact that we did miss out on many things in life. She also was very clear in saying "I do not think I missed out on other partners or dating or partying but I certainly lost all my friends." This was huge because one of the big pieces that has caused a strain in our lives is how silo'd and isolated we've been (again busy raising kids). I followed up by reminding her that it's important to have good friends and to make time for herself and her friendships.
For the past 3+ years, we've had multiple conversations about friends and how it is important to have them in life. Specially when you have similar peers that can help in many areas of life that perhaps we have no experience navigating and even simply for enjoyment. It has always been something my wife avoids, even though she's always been someone who needs that external stimuli. The main reason for her not investing in friends or even herself has always been "the kids." Like I mentioned earlier in this post, 90% of the answers have to relate to "the kids" to some degree.
At this point in our session I started to feel like there was a common denominator (the kids) in most of the frustrations and problems she was experiencing. So I simply asked her "Do you think you may be upset at me because I'm responsible for these kids in the sense that I got you pregnant so young?" I wasn't ready but she said that she was upset at me for that. She also followed up with the fact that she knows that's unreasonable because it "takes 2 to tango." I did feel like it was progress because it kind of gave us something to work on and help alleviate some of these "burdens" so we agreed to invest more time in nurturing good friendships both together and individually.
Towards the end of the session, we began to discuss what actionable items we would take from this session. At this point, it was still all very ambiguous and blurry as to what the outcomes were. I was very direct and very forward in asking my wife what her plan is moving forward. (NOTE: I had decided prior to the session that should my wife say the same thing about being a coparenting roommate that I would take the 180 approach and essentially do me) She started basically saying the same thing, that she doesn't have any desire to be intimate or sexual with me as of now and that she loves me immensely and she feels bad for not being there for me (as mentioned in my first post).
I also brought up the brief swinging that happened, to which for the 50th time said it wasn't a problem. I agree with her on this. This was something that was a "mechanical" approach for a solution to a problem that was very much in existent when we tried this. We (both) really have no issue to this. We know it happened, we tried it and mutually stopped and turned the page.
I also brought up other life events that may cause resentment and really we ended up not getting anywhere else as far as the root for resentment which was discouraging.
I then basically expressed to my wife that I will not be ok with that arrangement. I told her that I've really done everything I can and that this issue really has reached a point where it has nothing to do with me or require me to do anything that I'm currently not doing. I was very direct and saying that I will not be accepting this dynamic and that I need to be with someone who is actively involved in our marriage, works towards resolutions and is very much interested in maintaining an active intimacy and sexual relationship.
I expressed how I am not going to be a "convenience" and that there was more to life than being roommates and coparents. I made sure she knows I love her dearly and that I do want this to work for the better. I also told her that I'm fully committed to this marriage so long as she is as well and that is she wasn't, its ok, however I will not be a part of something where these efforts are not reciprocated. I told her I have no plans of leaving, and I do not want a divorce, however, I made it clear that if this dynamic continues that divorce will be the only outcome.
Of course tears were involved and it was a very bleak and sad ending to the session. Still nothing was said and I walked out very discouraged and very determined to start working on the 180 as soon as we left the room. It's painful and very difficult because much of the 180 requires you to be very short and cold and transactional. The saddest part is realizing, this dynamic already is very cold and transactional.
Here is where it gets VERY interesting. I started working on implementing many of the 180 recommendations that same day. I mentioned to my wife that, "hey, things are going to be a bit different moving forward. I'm going to honor her roommate/coparent dynamic without reproach and that it should be no mistake that I am not happy here and I am never going to be ok with it but I am done working on it if she wasn't going to work on it."
She agreed and went to bed. I started to build distance and started to basically focus on myself. Very short and transactional. She asked for help on some of her personal things to which I declined and it really shocked her. She was upset saying I was being petulant. I explained to her that, she is now fully in charge of her own life and her own issues.
We didn't talk all day and we only spoke when necessary. Few days I keep this going and she's very visibly upset and stressed. I typically react to that with gestures of help or nurturing but I didn't this time. That night she was crying telling me she's stressed and she things something is wrong with me because I'm "indifferent." I simply listened, then I told her that this is the dynamic she proposed and that I'm simply (much like her) taking care of myself and focusing on myself.
I'm not going to lie, it has been VERY hard to be cold and distant because as I mentioned before, I love her and I wish I could hold her and love on her. However, I know this is somewhat manipulative in a way just to get her way and still keep me in the friendzone. So I've been staying the course.
We're now going on a week of this 180 and let just say, there has been MANY changes on her side. I think she is starting to realize there is more to me than just "friends and coparenting." I sent her a text a few days ago essentially itemizing bills and separating the financial responsibilities 50/50 and SHE LOST HER SHIT. She basically told me it was "out of left field" to which I responded "hey, friends go in 50/50 and as your friend I expect nothing less."
This was very eye opening because it gave me a glimpse of I'm really taken for granted and how her level of comfort and convenience at my expense is really overlooked. I pushed through anyways and basically told her that this is the new dynamic she asked for and that its still a "bargain" because she would have to be 100% if she was on her own.
I'll wrap up with this. While the 180 has been working in many different areas, I am still very much sad about the overall situation. There have been MANY eye opening statements being said and realization that have not been pleasant to encounter. It has also sparked new energy and new efforts on her side as well. She's definitely seeking to talk to me more often and while its hard to turn down, I hope if things improve, this continues to happen.
I've also noticed that she's making more time for herself aside from being a mom which is HUGE because she pretty much neglected herself for years. I'm very pleased seeing her be more herself. My hope is that as we work on ourselves, the marriage improves. There really is no telling at this point where this will go. We are very much cordial and amicable even to this day and that's a very good sign.
Boundaries are set and expectations are very clear and I feel that no matter the outcome, I will be at peace with everything that has been done. We're still going to continue the couples therapist until we either rekindle our marriage or end up in divorce. I feel like having this nonbiased third party really helps as a witness and as a guide through this. No matter what I will always love my wife, however, I will not participate in a sexless, intimacy less marriage because we both deserve better.
Thank you all for all the kind words and recommendations and feedback. This will be my last post on this topic and I wish you all the best.
TL;DR: My wife friend-zoned me wants to just coparent at my expense but I started the 180 method to try and find a solution because she doesn't want to work on us which seems to be working on getting her out of her rut and helping me discover more about how she feels. Also, therapy is paramount and highly recommend to all couples.
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Comments
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Complete-Old-1960
Bottom line and not to be brutal, but there is one thing you don't have infinite amount of, is TIME. This has to be resolved in a timely manner. It takes 2 to be in love and to be loved, and u only have ½ of the equation. You need to put a time limit on you being the good guy and think of you and your future. Look hope it works out for you, but listening to what you are going through and what you could be in for you can still be a good father but also be a great husband to another wife if you find that special person again.

OOP: Definitely. I think this “soft ultimatum” (180 method) has been very eye opening. I’m definitely hoping for a rekindling of our marriage but I’m also bracing for divorce. I agree on a timeline and I’ve decided on a timeline for myself privately. I don’t want to give her a timeline because I want to reduce the pressure, however, after 1-2 yrs of things don’t improve, it won’t be shocking or a surprise if we split. I think 1-2yrs is more than reasonable.

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shes_a_killer
I have to agree with this, simply because at some point, the person who has gone 180 and is waiting for the other person to decide will begin to wonder, "Wow, they're really taking their time coming around to me...did they love me at all? If they ever appreciated and cared for me, why would they keep me waiting and neglecting me for so long?" Except, in my case, it had more to do with the other person being stubborn and unable to admit their faults.

OOP: I understand what you mean. I don’t think I’ll ever doubt she loved me at all. I’m certain she did and I’m certain she still does. I know it sounds crazy and I’m not at all infatuated or blinded by love. Love is far more than the intimacy and sex we’re lacking.

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RandyPan_theGoatBoy
I think it’s interesting that in the comments of your original post you said you didn’t think she was taking you for granted but you came to realize she absolutely was. Can you give some more details on what the 180 method is?

OOP: Yeah, I definitely felt this way. But with this 180 method it’s happening right in front of my eyes. Actual actions and reactions taking place that clearly demonstrate that she is taking me for granted. She actually see this as well. It’s evident she’s thinking about this heavily based on her demeanor and her behavior.
Here’s what I used as a guide:
https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/
https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/documents/library/articles/discovery/the-simplified-180/

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I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/evastraea posting in AmItheAsshole
Concluded as per OOP
2 updates - Long
Original - 21st June 2022
Update1 - 27th June 2022
Comment from OOP - 27th June 2022
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AITA for not giving my adopted daughter a stuffed animal for her high school graduation, when both of my biological children got one?
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I [49f] have 3 children, [22f], [19m], and [18f]. My oldest are my biological children from a previous marriage, and my youngest I became a mother to at the age of 2 when I married her widowed father. She has only ever called me mom, and I officially adopted her at the age of 12.
Now on to the issue with the stuffed animals: years and years ago, when I was only 20 and in college, I worked at a children's museum. I adored the job and working with kids, and had the idea to buy stuffed animals from the gift shop to be my future-kids' first stuffed animals whenever they were born. I had gotten a stuffed bear at birth that was very special to me growing up, and on my 18th birthday my parents gifted me a duplicate they had bought way back when and kept for me all these years. I found this so special, and wanted to do something similar, so I bought 6 stuffed animals from the museum's gift shop; 3 to be given at birth, and 3 duplicates. I had no idea at the time how many kids I would have, but I knew I wasn't planning on having more than 3, so I didn't get any more.
My first daughter received the stuffed animal I selected for her while pregnant. Then, between her birth and the birth of my son, I miscarried. The experience was deeply traumatic for me, especially as I miscarried in my second trimester, and I buried my baby with the stuffed animal they would have gotten. I kept the duplicate to for comfort, to cuddle and hold.
Finally, my son was born and received the last of the stuffed animals I had set aside so many years ago. Now, here's where I may be the asshole. For both my daughter and son's high school graduations, I surprised them with the duplicates, for them to take to college with them and compare against the stuffies they've been loving on their whole lives. Both were very moved by this, and took both (original and duplicate) to school with them.
My youngest, however, never received a stuffed animal, and so when her graduation celebration rolled along I had no duplicate to gift her. I watched her unpack all her gifts, and her face fall when she got to the last one and realized. She didn't really say anything, just got this super sad look on her face, and excused herself to her room. I followed to ask what was wrong, but she said she didn't want to talk to me, so her father went in instead.
According to him she cried to him that she didn't feel as loved by me as her siblings, and as much a part of the family - the unwrapping of her siblings' stuffed animals were very emotional events, and she had had the expectation she'd be getting the same. In hindsight I could have easily done something similar for her whenever I first came into her life, even if it wouldn't have been from the museum, but I just didn't think of it. She has been cold to me this entire last week, and I feel so terrible, I've offered to take her out to a special dinner the two of us to make amends but she turned me down. AITA?
Edit: the votes are in, and I am definitively TA. Many of you are suggesting that I get her a stuffie that reminds me of her, or maybe to get her two so she can continue the tradition with her future kids. But I think what I will do is gift her the duplicate my parents gifted me of my special plush bear I received at birth, which is one of my most treasured possessions, and deeply meaningful to me. Thank you all for the advice, it is genuinely appreciated.
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Comments
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Mrs-Addams
YTA. Nothing quite says “you’re not like my other kids” like leaving her out of a family tradition when her turn came. I’m sorry about the loss of your baby and understand why you kept that stuffed animal for your own, however, the tradition could have started with her when she joined your family at age 2, or when you formally adopted her.
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SmartassMouth89
YTA your kids grew up together and for years you never once thought to go and buy two stuffed animals for your adoptive daughter?
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QueenKeisha
Right? In 16 years, and after giving 2 other bears away, she didn’t once think, hey what about youngest?
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SmartassMouth89
Right? She liked the daughters dad enough to marry him but didn’t think that it would be a good idea to give the two year old a stuffie at the wedding?
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Update - 6 days later
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Long story short: my daughter found my reddit post, and came to me in tears apologizing for her reaction. This was NOT my expectation, and I assured her she had nothing to apologize for, as I had been in the wrong. We had a long discussion about the situation, our feelings, and how to move forward from this, and although I know she is still hurt we are on our way to making amends.
Long story long: so what even happened? As I've now discovered, my daughter loves browsing AITA. She stumbled on my post, and after reading it in it's entirety, as well as a good chunk of the comments (all of mine, and many left by other redditors) she came to me in tears apologizing for her reaction.
She sobbed in my arms that she didn't want this to be the end of our relationship, and that she was sorry, and wanted to enjoy this last summer together. I held her and assured her she had nothing to apologize for, and apologized myself (I did shed a little tear, but tried to keep my emotions in check as I did not want the burden of comforting me to be on her).
What followed was a productive but incredibly emotionally vulnerable conversation, the details of which I will not disclose entirely. She has been going through a rough time, and my impression (I could be wrong) is that the lack of a stuffie at graduation was a catalyst for bigger emotions. She did take me up on my offer to take her to dinner, and I've now booked a reservation at a nice restaurant she has been wanting to go to for a while.
And last night we cooked her favorite dinner together, which gave us an opportunity to smooth things over somewhat. We have not yet broached the subject of me intending to gift her my own plush, except for very briefly (she insisted I didn't have to, and seemed to feel a lot of guilt), but I still plan to. I just feel it would be best to wait until things have cooled down.
And if she truly doesn't feel comfortable taking it, I plan on getting a bear of a similar look to be its "little brother" for her to take care of. That's the update, obviously things have not magically mended overnight, but we are finally on-track to a resolution. Many thanks to all that left advice, and please check the comments below for clarification on many questions asked before passing any judgements (I far exceeded the allowed word limit, and have instead pasted much of what I intended to say here below).
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Comments
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aroundincircles
Read your first post and this one, and I feel it from both sides. My wife and I recently adopted a bio niece (13 yo this week) and she welcomes us as dad and mom, but we've run into a number of times where the kids will pull out something from a trip we went on, or an activity we did, etc years before she was ever in our lives, and she'll go "why don't you have one of those for me"? It's really hard, some of these things are simply impossible for us to get, and/or would cost us thousands of dollars (when We already spent 30+k on custody/adoption lawyers and court fees).
She also didn't even bring anything with her when we picked her up, she wasn't even allowed to bring a change of underwear. It's been something that we've had to deal with in counselling that her life with us didn't start till she was almost 12, and we have to begin fresh from there, we cannot turn back the clock and give her back an entire childhood she missed. Like when we went camping for the first time with her, and we were getting things out to visually see what we needed to get from the store and we pulled out the kid's sleeping bags, and she was like "where is mine", and the fact that we didn't already have one hurt her.
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Glum_Hamster_1076
And that doesn’t make you an ahole. I hope no one will call you one. Situations change and you’re not always able to “make up for it”. OP didn’t do this to hurt her daughter and it’s weird people are painting it that way. I hope things are going well with you all in therapy and your family is making great strides together.
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Comment from OOP
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When I initially posted to AITA, I was prepared to face judgment, and open to constructive criticism. However, while I did receive many constructive comments, which I truly appreciate, I received many more that were hateful and unconstructive, and I will admit, I did get defensive. But the attitude I took on in the comments is not one I brought into my interactions with my daughter; please understand that I did not throw in her face all the kind things I feel I've done for her over the years, but was rather attempting to contextualize our relationship for strangers who've never met us.
And before passing any further judgment in the comments, please check below for answers to a lot of the questions asked in the original thread. To answer a few questions: why did I not adopt her until 10 years after I came into her life? Because I never sought to force myself on her as her mother, and waited until she could give me explicit consent to adopt her. Why did I never buy her any stuffed animals? I did. I bought her many when I first met her, as well as one for her official adoption day, and every adoption day celebration since.
And I did technically gift her a stuffed animal for her graduation, too, it was just a plush of her college's mascot rather than a duplicate of a treasured plush from her childhood. So why did I not buy her a duplicate at any point over the last 16 years? I did not think to until my oldest graduated and received hers, by which point I (mistakenly) felt the significance would be lost. Both my bio kids received stuffies saved for them for decades, whereas she would have received one saved for only four years. Instead I tried to honor her in other ways, such as (as I described in the comments) crafting her a cookbook of generational family recipes that I illustrated by hand, because she is her own individual.
Truthfully, while I understand the sentiments expressed in the comments, I don't believe recognizing differences is inherently a bad thing. The duplicate stuffies my bio kids received were duplicates of the very first stuffies to ever be in their crib with them. Their receival of them was a birth event, and I did not give birth to my youngest. But that does not mean I love her any less, or that she is any less my daughter.
We have established our own traditions honoring her entry into my life, such as our celebration of her adoption day, and while I realize I could have handled the stuffie situation better, I do believe it was an honest mistake. But how could I not include her in a treasured family tradition, knowing how important it is (especially as an adopted child) to feel a part of the family? Because I truly did not realize this one specific tradition meant as much to her as it did.
I have strived to include her in as many family traditions as possible throughout the years. As I mentioned in the comments, she speaks German because I taught and spoke it to her growing up, even though her father does not. We celebrate German traditions, such as baking countless batches of German Christmas cookies together every year (just the two of us, neither of her siblings have any interest in baking), which is something I grew up doing with my mom, and every year it is quality time I deeply treasure.
For her 16th birthday I gifted her the locket my mother gifted me on my 16th, which she'd been gifted by my grandmother before me - this actually upset my eldest daughter, who had not received such a hand-me-down, and this is just to name a few. So given the fact that she has on occasion received and taken part in traditions my other kids have been excluded from, I did not think the stuffie would carry as much weight as it ultimately did. But isn't her reaction an indication that there are larger issues at play, and that she has likely felt this way for a while? Perhaps.
I am not a perfect adoptive mother, and have never claimed to be. And I can not see inside her brain, so I cannot know her true feelings. But my sense - and I may be wrong! - is that the larger issues at play relate back to her bio mom, which is something she expressed to me in our conversation. I did not disclose this in my original post, because I did not believe it to be relevant, and it is also a painful topic within our family, but her bio mom committed suicide whilst in the thick of post-partum depression. This has obviously impacted my daughter, who has been in and out of therapy for years grappling with feelings of loss, and guilt.
She is highly sensitive to feeling isolated within our family unit, which is something I should have taken into account in this situation, and I own that. I realize this is a huge hunk of text, but given the visceral reaction many had, I felt it was important to cover my bases. Come to whatever conclusions you all like, I will likely not be checking the comments for my own mental health, and the wellbeing of my family. To all who left genuine advice, even if that meant calling me an asshole, I truly do appreciate you. And to all who said hateful things, especially in regard to the loss of my baby, please consider the impact your words may have moving forward
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Comments
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Rice-Correct
You’re a good mom. It might’ve been a mistake not to gift her the plush, and it might, as you said, just have been indicative of some larger big emotions going on, as graduating is a HUGE milestone and going to college is an enormous life change that is very rewarding and exciting, but also stressful. But it sounds like you’ve been amazing about creating beautiful memories and experiences together! I think at some point, the plush will be a distant memory. From your post, it seems pretty clear you DO have a good relationship, and you’re a caring, empathetic parent. ENJOY your summer together, Mama!
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sharraleigh
Don't take the hateful comments personally; it's easy to be cruel online to a faceless stranger. Also, your original post didn't include all this info (it would've been impossible to anyway), and therefore lacked a lot of the back story and nuance that frankly, a real person's life experience encompasses. Your daughter probably saw your post and realized how her reaction hurt your feelings and read the hateful comments and felt bad for you. It sounds like you have a great relationship and you're lucky to have each other in your lives!
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I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

I live in europe and summer is round the corner. It’s 27-30*Celcius already in my country (EXTREMELY Hot for the fact it’s just may). I am going to high school 5 days a week and let me tell you, IT IS DYING HOT IN THERE. We don’t have any air conditioning or even windows that open. Everyone is saying that they can’t function in those temperatures… I CANNOT FUNCTION AT ALL. I need help as fast as possible. I never coped well with being to hot or to cold. In my home we always have to have the ”right” temperature, otherwise I just feel numb, can’t focus ect. In winter I can wear wormer clothes, but in summer? I surely can’t go to school naked. I don’t do anything in school, the only thing i think about is how uncomfortable I am. Last chance of years weren’t that bad but I guess the climate change is really acting up this year. I don’t know what to do anymore. Any tips?

Hi all,
This is actually my first post on here. A little about myself I’m the eldest daughter (23yrs) in a brown household (love that for myself). I swear if I could be born again I’d love to be the youngest of the family (even thought I guess if someone’s narcissistic it doesn’t truly matter whether you’re the eldest or youngest)
Anyway, I’m currently in a country and I’m moving to the states and my mum and lil brother are staying there with my dad atm. My sister (15yrs) is busy with the most important exams of her high school(she’s in her last year) and me and my brother(he’s 22) just finished our university exams so we’re free! Our flight back is in 30 days and we both need to sell all the extra stuff in the house that didn’t come with our rented house. We also need to pack all our clothes etc and clean this house.
So far I’m the only one who’s been working on selling stuff on Facebook marketplace and cleaning out cabinets in the kitchen and the garage etc. my brother spends the entire day on his computer playing games or watching anime. I don’t hate my brother but sometimes I get really close to it. If I was his mom I swear he would’ve long been disowned. He’s the most unclean person alive (he never cleans his own bathroom, he leaves his dishes in his room for me to come collect and clean, never picks up his own dirty clothes I have to do his laundry, I even had to clean his shoes after he went out yesterday simply because i couldn’t stand how dirty they were) I like to stay clean and keep the house clean too. The only reason he even leaves his room is to eat (Ofcourse I’m the one cooking)
The issue is my parents have both simply given up on him at this point which he uses to his advantage even more. He’s living his best life, goes out with his friends and doesn’t lift a finger in the house.
Despite all this my mum still calls me and gets mad at me for doing things too slowly and not putting everything up on Facebook marketplace quickly enough?! I’ve already sold two items on there but it takes a while to make sure the person coming to our house isn’t a creep. Yet, every time she calls all she talks about is how I’m not taking things seriously, how I’m so lazy, how I’ll pay for the flight tickets if I don’t sell everything beforehand. We needed to renew a card for travelling and there’s a long wait time on it (3 months) which I still applied for despite the wait but yesterday I found out that I could request it earlier if it’s an emergency with the flight details. However rather than being happy or thanking me for finding this out my mum simply gave out since I should’ve found this earlier and it’s my fault if we don’t get an appointment quickly enough.
My friends are all travelling and doing their own things in life and since this week is the last week they’re free they asked me to hang out but I can’t even tell my mom that “hey can I pls hang out with them one last time” because I just know she’ll flip. I’m so stressed about this whole situation and I literally feel so numb and sad all the time. I’m not a social person either but I wanna go out just to change my environment. I know so many people have it worse but ah I wish i could catch a break.
Even when I finally get to the states I know my parents are expecting me to work as soon as I get there. I just want a week off. Just to live my own life in peace and not stress about anything. What would you do if u were in my position?

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It’s just that I though that this test is designed to filter out the safe drivers from dangerous ones, but many of the drivers I comes across are committing “majors” for most journeys that I take these days.