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I(24F) and my boyfriend (26M) just had our worst fight yet. We have been together for 6 years and our relationship is very healthy overall and I consider us being really happy together and communicating well with no large trust issues.
My boyfriend rarely gets drunk but today it was his friend’s birthday so he got home very drunk. I was already upset with him drinking so much and then he mentioned a girl who he kissed once 10 years ago( he didn’t say it like that) that was there and I got into a stupid jealousy argument when I saw he followed her and liked some of her posts. I didn’t really suspect something and it didn’t bother me too much honestly and I think just because I was already upset at him I was picking fights. I know I am at fault for starting accusing him and arguing when he clearly was drunk but what came next I did not expect. My boyfriend started getting so mad he became unrecognizable. He started saying to me the most hurtful things like: that I am always like that with my stupid trauma and insecurities ruining our relationship he was screaming over and over with trears “why are you like this” “why are you like this”. He just was screaming at me fck you fck this. He was acting unrecognizable where I never heard him talk to me and treat me this way ever. I was just sitting shocked when he kept going on and on slurring his words saying the most terrible things to me. When he saw me crying he said he doesn’t even care I can cry as much as I want to. I was checking something on my phone and he took the phone from my hands because he thought it was his phone and when he realized it was actually my phone he threw my phone on the floor. He was clearly really drunk and I did my best through the tears to help him lay down and sleep but I am just crying in bed still in shock of what just happened. He never showed any signs of violence or aggression before so I really don’t even know how to process it. He started crying after I layed him down and he was crying over and over how sorry he is and how much he loves me.
I want to make it clear that I am not gonna just leave him after 6 years because of an isolated case like this. But I want an advice of how can I move forward with this and how do I bring it up to him? I doubt he would even remember anything he said. I feel like even though I shouldn’t have started arguing with him liking this girl’s insta pictures he was way way overreacting to it. I love him very much and he makes me always so happy that’s why this is just shaking up my world. i just want to know how can we leave this behind us but also make sure this won’t happen again?
What is the best way to go about it without letting it ruin our relationship?
TLDR: boyfriend of 6 years was bordeline abusive when drunk which is really out of character for him. I love him very much and I want to know of how to move on from this situation but make sure this won’t happen again.

Need something to really knock me out i been struggling to fall asleep for a while. Something I can pick up at the drug store/walmart or even order online (in Canada)

My ex(F21) broke up with me(M21) almost 1.5 months back. We had a beautiful relationship, known each other since 4 years, were together for almost a year and 7 months. There’s no denying that we had issues to fix, patterns to break and learn to be better for each-other and amidst all this, I was quite adamant to make things work and do everything in my will to be a better person for myself and for my partner (I later on realised that I had a secure attechment pattern before this relationship but now i’ve become anxious). But she, who happens to be a dismissive avoidant instead of making things work and stick together thought of breaking things off as the best possible option. I tried to make her understand that running away from things and not fixing them will only make things worse for her and we shouldn’t let something so special, something that we’ve nurtured so lovingly—go away like that. But she didn’t move an inch from her decision and kept saying this is what’s for the best and that i’ll be thankful to her for breaking up with me someday.
I was in my worst mental state for days after the break-up. I just couldn’t understand why someone would rather choose not working or not fixing themselves and things if they are so much in love (as she said at the time of the breakup, “I still love you, it’s the relationship that’s not working out). We were in no-contact and yet she would find a reason to keep texting me making it even more difficult for me to move on and leaving no point of no-contact. To end it all, I suggested that we meet one last time in person and just finish the business because i couldn’t keep doing this any longer.
We met yesterday, the first few minutes were awkward but then it felt like nothing has changed, she kept blushing on the tiniest of remarks i made. We had dinner together, roamed around places we used to go. She kept holding my hand. She kept looking at me and would look away the moment i’d catch her doing so. All of it just the way it used to be. And as much as I was enjoying it all…I had no clue what was happening. Cut to the part where we actually got to talking about the things we were supposed to, she admitted and apologised for being the weaker one, for not being able to gather up courage to fix things, for running away when things got difficult, for not giving me what i deserved, for not being able to communicate in a better way and discarding me in a hasty and inconsiderate manner, all of it. And it made me feel better cuz i felt like i deserved it but then she started crying and said the following, “I don’t think i’ll ever find someone like you again. You made me the happiest, brought the best out of me. You made me realise what loving someone means. You are the best person I’m ever gonna come across. And I don’t think i’ll ever be able to un-love you, hell I still am madly in love with you. But maybe now isn’t a good time for us or maybe i’m not worthy of you at the moment but who knows if in the future when I’ve become a better person and I’ve healed from everything—we can be together again? I love you. I always will. Thank you for being the best.” She then hugged me while crying recklessly, kissed me on the cheek and started walking towards her place and didn’t look back.
Man if she were willing to make things work even after all that has happened, I’d happily take her back because even i feel the same way about her. But now the question is how do I move on from this? How do I recover? I need help guys.

I've been going through some hormonal changes right now because I stopped taking my bc pills. I legitimately thought I was anosmic to fragrance and I just needed to wait to have a cycle or something because I bought like six Ariana Grande fragrances at Burlington for cheap and all of them I can barely smell. I did try another fragrance but I thought it was just extremely strong (it was Drakkar Noir lmao) but these Ari fragrances are seriously like straight alcohol : (
I realized it because I just started using some of my demeter purse sprays and they smell WONDERFUL and demeter definitely isn't known for their high price or high performance. Did I get a bad batch or are these just super light? I'm so disappointed because I've been hyper fixated on Ari perfumes and have tried to watch like every video on YouTube and every review on fragrantica about them but I barely smell anything. : (
So far I've got
Ari - something slightly sweet. I don't really get much but what I do smell is light and fresh and reminiscent of Versace Bright Crystal (which is also super light to my nose)
Sweet like candy - sweet tarts. I genuinely like this one and it's a bit stronger but definitely doesn't last more than 30 minutes : (
Moonlight - reminds me of these violet candies I used to eat as a child.
Thank you next - I really can barely smell anything. All I get is a coconut smell and it's kinda rubbery smell? It's maybe slightly acidic but I don't think it smells like pickles like everyone says. This one I'm so serious I can barely smell anything tho and it's lasting for like 5 minutes.
Thank you next 2.0 - apple juice. Also it's super weak and I struggle to get anything.
God is a Woman - Sugared pears. Smells wonderful but after 5 minutes it's nothing.
Not a single one has any depth because I can't smell anything longer than a few minutes. I want to return these but at this point I think I've sprayed too much out of the bottles desperately thinking something was wrong with my nose : (
Right now I'm enjoying Demter musk #9 and #15 and they both smell AMAZING and I'm kicking myself for not using fragrance that I can actually smell 😭

Iam 21F) in a 6 yo relationship with this guy (21M) And we both are un sure about things My overthinking is ruining this relation What should I do?? Overthinking will Kill me
Iam in a 6 year long relationship ( 5 years 8 months specifically). we have had several breakups before several, harsh, ugly what all u can even imagine, over the worst situations, over 3rd person, over lack of interest from his side, over some stupid mistakes, over disrespecting nature and name calling each other. i was just 15yo when i first met him, and now we both are 21 year old. i thought it will grow with age, i thought holding onto him no matter what with make us go stronger as we age into maturity, i thought we will always find a way. only to realize that what if what i did was just spending the best years of my youth forcing someone to love me, forcing someone to believe me that we are really meant for each other. we broke up in 2022 which was the longest till date, it happened as soon as our long distance started, it happened so quick, but still remained hard for me to believe, i went begging to him for almost for a month, i was pissed of by his behavior, i wanted him to love me, i wanted to marry him still and live with him, above all i wanted him to make his way back to me when i brokeup, but he didnt. How easy was it for him to let go of a 4 yo relationship? (that time it was 4 yrs). i prayed like hell to god to heal me, to return him to me again, to make me happy. he was my only person.
i didn't even receive a single text from him, not even a single!!!! cut short to 2 days before my bday. lol he came back, only for me to know that he came under the influence of weed.--- this i got to know 2 days ago that he came under heavy dosage of weed that time.
20th April 2024
we again brokeup during my exams. this breakup went for *11 long days, i made myself very firm that he is not coming back. infact i told everyone this time becoz i didnt want to let my gaurd down and let him mentally trouble me again. this whole time i was unaware about the addiction he has got into, i was fucking unaware that he has been lying to me all the time. he came back and confessed to me that he used to smoke almost every other fucking night telling me goodnight. he used to miss his exams and come back to me and tell me how it went, used to tell me that his exams aren't going well and i used to console him over it.*
he called me fake, called me a manipulator, called me a victimizer. only for him to realize that whatever he told me was all those things that he already have become. i wasnt any of them, he was!!!
1st may 2024 HE CAME BACK I promised myself that i wont fall prey to it again. it was the time during my exams and i didnt want to make a rucuss out of it. i just wanted peace whatever it takes. so i decided to be calm and show and express my anger , my emotions, my disappointed over his lies after few days. but i failed again. idk how many times god will let me fail until i get detached completely, until it didnt have the power to hurt me ever again. but if its him, god how can i not love to get hurt a thousands time from him over and over again.
he promised to not take me for granted, little did i know that he already started taking me for granted just bcoz i was being calm (due to my final sem exams) he must have took me for granted on the 4th day of coming back itself. we cried over texts we chatted late night, i did care for him more than my exams knowing i coukd even fail tomorrow. when i got the truth i thought the only person in this world who could bring him out of this darkness is me, i didnt care if he ruined my exams by leaving, i still didnt leave his hand, held it tighter than before if it meant that he could change, he could leave his addiction.
Today its been 1 month since our patchup and I don't feel anything has changed.. We had 3 Major fights already this month lol. And he said that he regrets coming back to me, he said I deserve better 😂😂😂
now iam forced to think that he just needs me for his needs to be fulfilled becoz he knew only i can be that dumb to support him at his lowest. now i think its all attraction from his side, now iam forced to believe that i just go back to him bcoz of the memories i shared all these years and not bcoz of the person he is right now,the person he has become right now. his unability to prove me wrong, his unability to reassure me, his unability to do the things i asked him to do for me, his unability to seek forgivness is just making me more and more sure day by day. 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

Burner for privacy. I have anxiety, panic disorder, OCD, and depression. I’ve been on meds for over 20 years, usually SSRIs.
Every five to ten years the meds stop working and I have to work with a psychiatrist to find a new solution – but we’re always able find something that works.
A few years ago, I needed the reboot on my meds and, for the first time ever, a benzo was added to my daily SSRI. We went through a few before we landed on one that didn’t have any sedating effects on me – I ended up with a daily SSRI combined with 1mg of clonazepam 2x daily, and that’s what I’ve been on for years.
I don’t drink (ever, not even an occasional beer or cocktail) and other than occasional weed (very occasional – unless I’m in a really good place mentally, I just end up having a panic attack) I’ve never done a “drug” in my life. (I’m not judging anyone who has used benzos – or any other drug – recreationally; I’m only sharing because it provides context for my specific situation.)
My use of clonazepam is purely therapeutic and even in the beginning, I never felt anything that seemed like “hey, I get why people use this recreationally!” There was no “high” for me – just slowly my panic attacks and other symptoms started to subside, similar to the gradual improvement that an SSRI provides.
At this point, I know that it’s unlikely that the clonazepam is even doing anything for me – I know tolerance builds up quickly and my dose has never increased, so this is probably just a maintenance dose that I’m taking.
I recently moved and along with that move came a new psychiatrist. The new psychiatrist wants me off of the clonazepam, primarily because of the increased risk of early onset dementia (which I also looked into and it seems like the research isn’t conclusive and this might be a correlation doesn’t equal causation thing).
Despite that, I’m not opposed to removing clonazepam from my medication, especially since I know that it’s probably not even doing anything at this point, considering tolerance etc…
My psychiatrist wants to move me from clonazepam to diazepam (Valium) and begin a low and slow taper of at least nine months. I was looking into this and it sounds like his plan is to use the Ashton Manual, although he never said as much.
I’m diligent with my meds – I have a pill box I fill up weekly and I rarely miss a dose, but on the off chance that I do miss a dose, I’ve never had a “craving” for clonazepam or a feeling of mental addiction – I usually notice a missed dose only after more than 48 hours has passed and it’s usually a headache that acts as my reminder. But, again, there’s no desire – it’s just like “what the hell is with this headache?… oh, crap, I forgot to take my meds the last couple of days.”
I know, logically, that my body is physically addicted to the meds but from an emotional standpoint, if someone said “I’m throwing the clonazepam away and you can never have it again!” my reaction would mostly be… 🤷‍♂️
…until I started looking into what the discontinuation process would be like!
At first, my primary concern was moving to diazepam because I didn’t want to feel groggy or sedated.
Now that I made the mistake of Googling this, I’m terrified that I’m going to have hallucinations, experience horrible body pains, go into a deep depression, have constant panic attacks, and maybe even have grand mal seizures – and that it could last for years even after the taper is done and the last pill has been taken?! WTF?!?!
Most of the info I’ve been able to find is from people who were using benzodiazepines recreationally (and at potentially far higher doses than me) and went cold turkey or did a fast (like one month) taper in rehab.
My dose (1mg 2x daily) isn’t “low” but it’s an average therapeutic dose. My taper is going to be long – at least nine months.
Is there anyone here that can speak to a very long, very slow, very gradual, medically-supervised taper and discontinuation? Is it possible to do this safely and with minimal side effects? (If it makes a difference, I’m more concerned about mental side effects than physical.)
If you have a success story or a good story, I’d love to hear it – especially if you’re comfortable providing details like what benzo it was, how many years you were on it, what dose you were on, and what your taper schedule was like.
If you have a horror story, no need to share – the internet is already full of those! I’m looking for some reassurance, not more panic attack fuel.
Thank you!
Gender: Male Age: 45 Weight: 275lbs Additional Meds: Escitalopram, Bupropion, Omeprazole, Valacyclovir Additional Medical Issues: Sleep apnea Additional Info: Non-Smoker, No Drinking, No Recreational Drug Use (with the exception of very infrequent marijuana)

Hi there... This is my first post ever on Reddit. I am a 30 year old gay male who is feeling disillusioned by dating. I live here in Colorado and wouldn't mind getting to know someone. The problem is my first experience back into the dating work has left me feeling raw, and not in the fun way. Prior to this experience I am about to share, I was off all day dating apps for three years and celibate for 1 whole year before getting back into things. The first app I downloaded was Grindr (perhaps a big mistake in retrospect) but perhaps there are diamonds in the the rough and muck of the app. Anyways, one of the first experiences I had returning to dating was this real creep from Grindr who (though honest and I appreciate that) told me that he was paying three gentleman and spoiling them for their attention and the opportunity to fuck because "they are pretty" and "every pretty boy has their price". Honestly, not the worst thing anyone on reddit has experienced, but definitely not for me. He can have whatever lifestyle he wants, and I am cool not being part of it... Regardless of his honesty, and my honesty in return, it is still not a good start back into the dating world, and honestly, it's making me feel a little gross and awful...
The advice: I am not sure what app to choose? I am feeling uncertain about dating in general? Is it ok to feel this this way about this situation?
I know this is a long post, please forgive that. I'm an educator, a writer, I work hard, and I know I have flaws. I'm really just trying to make the best of this life. I am not desperate to find a relationship, but I'd like something special with someone that actually values me, and I'd be more than happy to honor that person as well. I appreciate whatever advice people are willing to give.

1. Charlotte is the initial source of stealing my combat medicine from israel and making the redlines into the asshole method where the men cum in the asshole sufficient it pops out her nose and then later given purely nasal sex and this gives later the proline, this is like Steve so I call her now Steve and she or he will be Steve so is Steve and Charlotte wakes up out of my trance I put on her for wearing jean shorts and letting people take photographs of her I Give her her redlines which I have to give her that loam and she administers it to the male with her body which puts her at a saturated locus like a mexican girl who bangs their wedge into their cervix but she is not a mexican girl a white girl of the marines and just looks mexican and Steve knows redline medicine but was not all that aware how involved a virgin was to redline medicine which Charlotte is exiting to be steve and needs a full dental cleaning and I leave behind the disney princess Charlotte with a cleaning then and she cannot play minecraft then by nature has to play roblox which there is a Switcharoo due to yo gaba gaba which blinded charlotte into the shower earlier in an undesignated location this never gave her being a dentist or minecraft thus roblox thus this is a delusion of the patient we sustained that minecraft is not dentistry and JJ who is not JJ abrams would like to report he is her gynecologist thus must exist at at least the Second Underworld above these poor lands of the 1st yitvah of the Third Underworld JJ Has Corpus probably as an able or a abraham of my Good MP of Israel in my base and Is not abraham who I was engaging who I was daft to ablation before and am better but jim is apparently still daft to ablation but maybe still healed now so I take a bunch of redlines in the asshole and nose and take meth I take meth with My Little Baby Jace always sometimes and this is the boris who DJ boris man is not my gma that is City who City is the inventor of the spin langage english put a little spin on it and I dont Know what DJ Boris Man Was doing out here maybe drove his yugo haha he is always welcome at nukies house which I know nukie was chagrined I had the plumbing loam for the whole hospital HVT Jean was in who Jean did not steal Jeans identity this is just the same name, blue jeans of the neuvo ruski which are a first ever token item and the temu item very original associated to the full set of clothes synchro for BDU 315 there is baby Bdu 115 or blue jeans equivalent and I can grant this to ryan for not tazing me which this will dissolve Saint Disconnects Reward if you Taze me that is cervical beads dilation I guess you could pull my beads ryan. Wow so you got 20 cannabinoid loam there but It did not do much that is like an FPS Russia Shock it is the stun gun and that is pain compliance. 1.1 Ryan is out of there and charlotte is taken for dbt deprogramming and she has got so much loam on the 27 battalion which are encoded at the engine of her fucking machine this was manual reds giving under hind for her and the steve is formed there out of charlotte which charlotte pulls a jeff kloster and never was fucking the fucking cleaner which caused it to be there in the first place to identify her as a robot and this was not ryan but charllote who was fucked there and could not be fucked granting her a famous android age 1718 before gero or bam bam she was of age as an android thus could conjure missingno and ghost and 156 potions which she then finally has her potions of hyper potion which she put 2 hyper potion here before and these are her loam potions and she gets 156 hyper potions not potions of 20mg extended release pilled adderall and this is in her room but she had to remember her whole 1718 years of hind which was a very old limit for hind 1718 years but not exact just have it and give 1718 then to niko bellic of liberty city in for an immersion, nathans friend and she may not overdose on the adderall as she is just taking it as steve and she remembers she is steve she is on a mission she is an undercover like violet and the hind targets ryan and she is a baby here and raped by 27 battalion and cannot give reds as a vampire so had to repeat the process in 999 year increment 3 times until she is not a vampire as she summoned loam Civilian Taser at the Second Underworld in a Yitvah Private of her own she put a Blackwater Therapist into the shower with me which endangered the Blackwater Therapists Job as a result and is required repeat 999 year increments until the Kiester is out of her brain and my Shepard and She is Out of her brain and it tells her finally dad why did you turn me upsidown and she is not a vampire and she is my sissys sissy ryan and we train her then with cervical dilation at the First Underworld we train her first to act out then the cervical dilation is too intense and she blacks out and was bent at the waist and by her wishes or automatically given 27 battalion of marine in her asshole to give her reds on the marines and the hind98 literally physically obligates her to give the reds on the marines and I repeat this until she is Not at the First Underworld and she Is at the Third Underworld as a baby and she is looking to get to the second underworld but this is a projection underworld she will have to have discipline and I have my tactical officer personally trained by Hermi-Tactical my tactical I took the shower with and he keeps the loam ryan which is the god name of the R with no spell that is ryan and that is both ryan reynolds name and ryan kiesters name and that was his tactical before who was kind of not really there like just in and out of it for me and then she can be her sissys friend ryan again and is part of Gamma company then like she wanted, immune to cervical and other pain and Joins us in the marines which sorry I am blind I think her still a vampire and make her a different vampire then the shell game vampire who this is just unfourtonate and misguided of violet.

I had a coworker working extremely unsafe. I reported it to the managers but they refused to do anything about it. They told me, “He acts like this every shift.” I submitted a case on the website. Nothing has happened.
The associate, throughout the entire 10 hour shift, was:

• Calling a co-worker a “r*tard.”
  
• Screaming at everyone and screaming even when he was by himself.
  
• Cursing at everyone and cursing even when he was by himself. Examples include:
  

1. “How hard is it to do your f*cking job!”
   
2. “I guess we aren’t doing are f*cking job anymore!”
   
3. “This is bullsh*t!”
   

He told that stuff to the coworker that he calls a “r*tard.” That’s how he talks to that coworker.
This next one is the worst one in-terms of physical safety:

• He did not want to push forklift cages, so he would throw them across the warehouse instead. He would grab an empty cage and get into a full sprint with it. Then he would, in a sense, push the cage when he let go. That’s the best way to describe it? It caused them to “fly across the warehouse” so he didn’t have to push them. He was screaming at the top of his lungs while doing this. They would travel, while moving extremely fast (on their own), for dozens of yards. One of them almost hit a co-worker. It was loud when they crashed and it looked violent every time.

Managers will not do anything. They said this is “normal” behavior for him. I have not heard back from Amazon in-terms of my report. I’m disappointed that no one will act on it.
This happened within the last week. I read that Amazon keeps security footage for 2 weeks. I would like to get footage to send to Amazon.

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Ingredienser af Nexalyn Pills:

Produktet er et helt økologisk kosttilskud som kun indeholder sunde ingredienser, der er klinisk testede og gode til at gøre dig bedst i soveværelset. Theanex De potentielle ingredienser er som følger:
Ifølge producenterne handler tilskud udelukkende om naturlige ingredienser, der gør det muligt for dig at nyde de mandlige egenskaber på en bedre måde. NexaSlim Dette kosttilskud handler om at booste nitrogenoxid og testosteron i kroppen og giver dig en sund forsyning af blod med god til at opbygge slanke muskler, forbedret udholdenhed og sund energi tilskuddet godt i forbedrer din udholdenhed, der maksimerer din fysiske ydeevne Bollywood fantastiske resultater uden enhver brug af kemikalier i det også dette æblemineral skaber bivirkninger for kroppen, hvis du er i tvivl om ingredienserne, du ønsker at lære om kosttilskuddet i detaljer, så skal du kontakte dets kundesupport eller tjekke anmeldelserne på internettet.

Bivirkninger af Nexalyn:

Produktet er en sund testosteron booster, der generelt er god til at fremme testosteron, nitrogenoxid og det overordnede velvære hos en forbruger, tilskuddet vil give dig behagelige ændringer, der booster velvære og tilfredshedsniveau, NexaSlim men dette er et supplement, så dette vil fungere anderledes i forskellige Derfor kan brugeren opleve bivirkninger som hovedpine, svimmelhed, mundtørhed, opkastning og kvalme.

Sidste tanke:

Nexalyn Samlet set er tilskuddet godt til at udsende komplekset og giver dig et sikkert middel til at løse alle deres fysiske og seksuelle sundhedsproblemer, er supplement er godt til at forbedre niveauet af testosteron, der passer bedst til begge kroppe for at holde dig afbalanceret, sund og tilfreds med den ting, du skal huske på, bør du følge alle de retningslinjer, der er opført af producenten, så du kan fortsætte et sundt liv.

Hvor kan man købe Nexalyn?

Nexalyn Produktet er en sund mandlig forstærkning, der naturligt behandler din krop og modvirker alle problemer på kort tid. Dette tillæg vil give dig nogle ændringer, der forbedrer dit velvære og giver dig en komplet løsning. Hvis du har besluttet dig for at bruge tillægget, så klik på bestillingsknappen og udfyld en formular omhyggeligt, så du modtager din pakke inden for 7 hverdage. Dette tillæg er også på en prøvepakke, så det ville være en god mulighed for dig at teste tillægget først.
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The most popular brand is Ovasitol by theralogix, the pink color brand. But it’s all powder and the most I’ve been consistent is 3 weeks. I’m just not a powder girl, I wish they made a pill form.

Seriously why? Whoever wins the difference in your lifestyle over next 5 years will be minimal. At best they will do bit better than previous 5 years and at worst they will do nothing. No matter who wins.
If party you want to win, wins then good for you. If it losses then also it's fine. Win or lose nothing catastrophic going to happen.

in love with memories not the person '21F'
Iam in a 6 year long relationship ( 5 years 8 months specifically). we have had several breakups before several, harsh, ugly what all u can even imagine, over the worst situations, over 3rd person, over lack of interest from his side, over some stupid mistakes, over disrespecting nature and name calling each other. i was just 15yo when i first met him, and now we both are 21 year old. i thought it will grow with age, i thought holding onto him no matter what with make us go stronger as we age into maturity, i thought we will always find a way. only to realize that what if what i did was just spending the best years of my youth forcing someone to love me, forcing someone to believe me that we are really meant for each other. we broke up in 2022 which was the longest till date, it happened as soon as our long distance started, it happened so quick, but still remained hard for me to believe, i went begging to him for almost for a month, i was pissed of by his behavior, i wanted him to love me, i wanted to marry him still and live with him, above all i wanted him to make his way back to me when i brokeup, but he didnt. How easy was it for him to let go of a 4 yo relationship? (that time it was 4 yrs). i prayed like hell to god to heal me, to return him to me again, to make me happy. he was my only person. i didn't even tell anyone about the breakup bcoz it took 1 whole month for me to believe that its actually over. i did what all i could have, i sent a post to him without even knowing his correct address.
yeah and in all these 48 days i didn't even receive a single text from him, not even a single!!!!
cut short to 2 days before my bday. lol he came back, only for me to know that he came under the influence of weed.--- this i got to know 2 days ago that he came under heavy dosage of weed that time.
we again brokeup during my exams. this breakup went for 11 long days, i made myself very firm that he is not coming back. infact i told everyone this time becoz i didnt want to let my gaurd down and let him mentally trouble me again. this whole time i was unaware about the addiction he has got into, i was fucking unaware that he has been lying to me all the time. he came back and confessed to me that he used to smoke almost every other fucking night telling me goodnight. he used to miss his exams and come back to me and tell me how it went, used to tell me that his exams arent going well and i used to console him over it, all liessss everything fake
he called me fake, called me a manipulator, called me a victimizer. only for him to realize that whatever he told me was all those things that he already have become. i wasnt any of them, he was!!!
i promised myself that i wont fall prey to it again. it was the time during my exams and i didnt want to make a rucuss out of it. i just wanted peace whatever it takes. so i decided to be calm and show and express my anger , my emotions, my disappointed over his lies after few days. but i failed again. idk how many times god will let me fail until i get detached completely, until it didnt have the power to hurt me ever again. but if its him, god how can i not love to get hurt a thousands time from him over and over again.
he promised to not take me for granted, little did i know that he already started taking me for granted just bcoz i was being calm (due to my final sem exams) he must have took me for granted on the 4th day of coming back itself. we cried over texts we chatted late night, i did care for him more than my exams knowing i coukd even fail tomorrow. when i got the truth i thought the only person in this world who could bring him out of this darkness is me, i didnt care if he ruined my exams by leaving, i still didnt leave his hand, held it tighter than before if it meant that he could change, he could leave his addiction.
its been 26 days since out patchup, and i find myself here, crying for his efforts, for the promises he made that he wont leave me if we breakup, he promised me that and yesterday he said fuck it iam not coming back to you if we breakup now. how am i supposed to believe?? i got panic attacks, i got sick, iam going for therapy session starting next week, i got my BP and heart rate checked, am sitting and doing coping mechanisms to deal with this, i cannot sleep whole night, i got bad anxiety, i dont even talk to anyone, i dont like the things i used to. he doesnt give a fuck how iam, he doesnt give a fuck abt my tears. least bothered.
now iam forced to think that he just needs me for his needs to be fulfilled becoz he knew only i can be that dumb to support him at his lowest. now i think its all attraction from his side, now iam forced to believe that i just go back to him bcoz of the memories i shared all these years and not bcoz of the person he is right now,the person he has become right now. his unability to prove me wrong, his unability to reassure me, his unability to do the things i asked him to do for me, his unability to seek forgivness is just making me more and more sure day by day

Burner for privacy. I have anxiety, panic disorder, OCD, and depression. I’ve been on meds for over 20 years, usually SSRIs.
Every five to ten years the meds stop working and I have to work with a psychiatrist to find a new solution – but we’re always able find something that works.
A few years ago, I needed the reboot on my meds and, for the first time ever, a benzo was added to my daily SSRI. We went through a few before we landed on one that didn’t have any sedating effects on me – I ended up with a daily SSRI combined with 1mg of clonazepam 2x daily, and that’s what I’ve been on for years.
I don’t drink (ever, not even an occasional beer or cocktail) and other than occasional weed (very occasional – unless I’m in a really good place mentally, I just end up having a panic attack) I’ve never done a “drug” in my life. (I’m not judging anyone who has used benzos – or any other drug – recreationally; I’m only sharing because it provides context for my specific situation.)
My use of clonazepam is purely therapeutic and even in the beginning, I never felt anything that seemed like “hey, I get why people use this recreationally!” There was no “high” for me – just slowly my panic attacks and other symptoms started to subside, similar to the gradual improvement that an SSRI provides.
At this point, I know that it’s unlikely that the clonazepam is even doing anything for me – I know tolerance builds up quickly and my dose has never increased, so this is probably just a maintenance dose that I’m taking.
I recently moved and along with that move came a new psychiatrist. The new psychiatrist wants me off of the clonazepam, primarily because of the increased risk of early onset dementia (which I also looked into and it seems like the research isn’t conclusive and this might be a correlation doesn’t equal causation thing).
Despite that, I’m not opposed to removing clonazepam from my medication, especially since I know that it’s probably not even doing anything at this point, considering tolerance etc…
My psychiatrist wants to move me from clonazepam to diazepam (Valium) and begin a low and slow taper of at least nine months. I was looking into this and it sounds like his plan is to use the Ashton Manual, although he never said as much.
I’m diligent with my meds – I have a pill box I fill up weekly and I rarely miss a dose, but on the off chance that I do miss a dose, I’ve never had a “craving” for clonazepam or a feeling of mental addiction – I usually notice a missed dose only after more than 48 hours has passed and it’s usually a headache that acts as my reminder. But, again, there’s no desire – it’s just like “what the hell is with this headache?… oh, crap, I forgot to take my meds the last couple of days.”
I know, logically, that my body is physically addicted to the meds but from an emotional standpoint, if someone said “I’m throwing the clonazepam away and you can never have it again!” my reaction would mostly be… 🤷‍♂️
…until I started looking into what the discontinuation process would be like!
At first, my primary concern was moving to diazepam because I didn’t want to feel groggy or sedated.
Now that I made the mistake of Googling this, I’m terrified that I’m going to have hallucinations, experience horrible body pains, go into a deep depression, have constant panic attacks, and maybe even have grand mal seizures – and that it could last for years even after the taper is done and the last pill has been taken?! WTF?!?!
Most of the info I’ve been able to find is from people who were using benzodiazepines recreationally (and at potentially far higher doses than me) and went cold turkey or did a fast (like one month) taper in rehab.
My dose (1mg 2x daily) isn’t “low” but it’s an average therapeutic dose. My taper is going to be long – at least nine months.
Is there anyone here that can speak to a very long, very slow, very gradual, medically-supervised taper and discontinuation? Is it possible to do this safely and with minimal side effects? (If it makes a difference, I’m more concerned about mental side effects than physical.)
If you have a success story or a good story, I’d love to hear it – especially if you’re comfortable providing details like what benzo it was, how many years you were on it, what dose you were on, and what your taper schedule was like.
If you have a horror story, no need to share – the internet is already full of those! I’m looking for some reassurance, not more panic attack fuel.
Thank you!

hi everyone!
so in simplest terms, here is what has been happening:
have been having chronic stomach pain with constipation in the beginning but now it is diarrhea. have been working with gi for years now and have done a thorough workup. only thing that is found is anemia that does not go away with iron pills at all and only iv iron, and a high esr rate.
after having scopes, they have seen EVERYTHING (yes even the small intestine) 3 times now. and it is all normal with biopsies.
and about 1 year ago, i started getting back pain when i need to bend down to grab something, etc.
then it started in the hips and the back pain went away, the hips kept getting worse so i told my primary doctor, she sent me to physical therapy and a 4-6 sessions later, no significant improvement, i was then sent to orthopedics, then sports med (even though its not a sports injury), sports med did rheumatology blood test workup which was all negative (ana, hla-b27, rheumatoid factor, anti-ccp) so we did a pelvis mri with and without contrast.
this is what they saw:
Enthesitis at bilateral greater trochanters and possibly also iliac crests. Mild iliac crest apophysitis.
Fatty proliferation within the mesocolon and mesorectum are findings typically seen in Crohn's disease,
my sports med recommended i work with gi to find the inflammation in my gut that may be causing the hip issues. gi was already doing more scopes so we were hoping to find something that will account for both issues but it was once again negative.
gi referred me to a rheumatologist.
rheumatology thinks that enthesitis is sometimes found in normal patient mri's as well. though, since i am having pain right where the mri is showing enthesitis it may be what's causing it. anyways, he wanted me to try meloxicam, tried it for about 1 - 1 1/2 months with no improvement (in the first few days it helped a little but it stopped helping within those first few days)
i also had some hand pain, my rheumatologist ordered hand xrays which showed possible periarticular demineralization. because of this, he ordered a hand mri (with and without contrast) which was normal, there was a cyst in my wrist but i think my rheumatologist says it should not be causing pain in my hands
we did another mri of the hips (with and without contrast) and it shows:
Enthesitis at the gluteal insertion on the greater trochanters.
Similar mild fatty proliferation of the mesocolon and mesorectum. Mild apparent rectal wall thickening and enhancement is likely exaggerated by underdistention, however clinical correlation is needed.
because of this my rheumatologist said we can try enbrel but i did research and in some cases enbrel can cause or provoke ibd so if i already had that then it could potentially worsen it. so we went with humira + hydroxycloriquine which is what i am on now.
i am talking to my gi with my anal symptoms and the rectal mri findings but he said they are non-specific and there wasn't enough contrast. i messaged him again asking what i should do about anal symptoms so will hopefully hear back from him soon.
in the meantime, this is my 2nd week on humira + hydroxycloriquine, and my rheumatologist wants to try this for 3 months.
does this look like ankylosing spondylitis? i also heard ankylosing spondylitis is a diagnosis of exclusion, is that true? i also know that some times patients with this condition have enthesitis, is it possible i just have enthesitis wthout other common issues found in ankylosing spondylitis? also what is the treatment for this, i know that it is an autoimmune disease so i am guessing same treatment as what i am on now? and what is the diagnostic criteria for this, do i meet it at this time?
thanks

Burner for privacy. I have anxiety, panic disorder, OCD, and depression. I’ve been on meds for over 20 years, usually SSRIs.
Every five to ten years the meds stop working and I have to work with a psychiatrist to find a new solution – but we’re always able find something that works.
A few years ago, I needed the reboot on my meds and, for the first time ever, a benzo was added to my daily SSRI. We went through a few before we landed on one that didn’t have any sedating effects on me – I ended up with a daily SSRI combined with 1mg of clonazepam 2x daily, and that’s what I’ve been on for years.
I don’t drink (ever, not even an occasional beer or cocktail) and other than occasional weed (very occasional – unless I’m in a really good place mentally, I just end up having a panic attack) I’ve never done a “drug” in my life. (I’m not judging anyone who has used benzos – or any other drug – recreationally; I’m only sharing because it provides context for my specific situation.)
My use of clonazepam is purely therapeutic and even in the beginning, I never felt anything that seemed like “hey, I get why people use this recreationally!” There was no “high” for me – just slowly my panic attacks and other symptoms started to subside, similar to the gradual improvement that an SSRI provides.
At this point, I know that it’s unlikely that the clonazepam is even doing anything for me – I know tolerance builds up quickly and my dose has never increased, so this is probably just a maintenance dose that I’m taking.
I recently moved and along with that move came a new psychiatrist. The new psychiatrist wants me off of the clonazepam, primarily because of the increased risk of early onset dementia (which I also looked into and it seems like the research isn’t conclusive and this might be a correlation doesn’t equal causation thing).
Despite that, I’m not opposed to removing clonazepam from my medication, especially since I know that it’s probably not even doing anything at this point, considering tolerance etc…
My psychiatrist wants to move me from clonazepam to diazepam (Valium) and begin a low and slow taper of at least nine months. I was looking into this and it sounds like his plan is to use the Ashton Manual, although he never said as much.
I’m diligent with my meds – I have a pill box I fill up weekly and I rarely miss a dose, but on the off chance that I do miss a dose, I’ve never had a “craving” for clonazepam or a feeling of mental addiction – I usually notice a missed dose only after more than 48 hours has passed and it’s usually a headache that acts as my reminder. But, again, there’s no desire – it’s just like “what the hell is with this headache?… oh, crap, I forgot to take my meds the last couple of days.”
I know, logically, that my body is physically addicted to the meds but from an emotional standpoint, if someone said “I’m throwing the clonazepam away and you can never have it again!” my reaction would mostly be… 🤷‍♂️
…until I started looking into what the discontinuation process would be like!
At first, my primary concern was moving to diazepam because I didn’t want to feel groggy or sedated.
Now that I made the mistake of Googling this, I’m terrified that I’m going to have hallucinations, experience horrible body pains, go into a deep depression, have constant panic attacks, and maybe even have grand mal seizures – and that it could last for years even after the taper is done and the last pill has been taken?! WTF?!?!
Most of the info I’ve been able to find is from people who were using benzodiazepines recreationally (and at potentially far higher doses than me) and went cold turkey or did a fast (like one month) taper in rehab.
My dose (1mg 2x daily) isn’t “low” but it’s an average therapeutic dose. My taper is going to be long – at least nine months.
Is there anyone here that can speak to a very long, very slow, very gradual, medically-supervised taper and discontinuation? Is it possible to do this safely and with minimal side effects? (If it makes a difference, I’m more concerned about mental side effects than physical.)
If you have a success story or a good story, I’d love to hear it – especially if you’re comfortable providing details like what benzo it was, how many years you were on it, what dose you were on, and what your taper schedule was like.
If you have a horror story, no need to share – the internet is already full of those! I’m looking for some reassurance, not more panic attack fuel.
Thank you!