(My profile is tagged N-S-F-W because I also post these in dirtyr4r since some have actually had luck finding something serious there. Figured it's worth a shot, haha.)
I'm searching for the kind of wonderful woman who shares most of my interests below in addition to her hobbies and interests, who's also goofy, likes to playfully insult each other, and also believes in open and honest communication. I believe with that, we can work out any problems when they arise. 💛
• I'm a gamer, car guy, and maybe one day, a musician too. I enjoy anime, nature, going on little adventures, swimming, traveling... I wanna see the world with you before all the beautiful sights are gone. - Current games I've focused on lately is Helldivers 2 and Deep Rock Galactic. If you wanna play those together, that would be awesome! I would also eventually like to play other things together like Stardew Valley, Minecraft, Terraria, etc. - My taste is music is nearly everything except country and today's rap. To name a few bands/musicians I really love: Led Zeppelin, Arctic Monkeys, Tame Impala, The White Stripes, The Raconteurs, Queens of the Stone Age, Mac Demarco, Them Crooked Vultures, and Metronomy.
• I want to dance with you. In the living room, bedroom, back yard, in the park, almost anywhere. I enjoy doing romantic things and expressing my love. I love deep conversations that distract us from the passing of time.
• I'm a dog person because my allergies chose to target cats for whatever reason, so there's that. 😅
• I'm monogamous and don't have children currently, but they're in my future plans, probably within the next 6 years. I want to spend plenty of time with, well it might be you, and enjoy the best of life as a couple, and then as spouses, traveling and whatnot, before we start a family. 🤗
• I'm really hoping to find someone who's also into dirty humor (amongst other forms of humor) and has mutual...interests 😏 so we have even better compatibility in the bedroom (and sometimes away from home too). I usually have a high labido, but I only want to get intimate when we're both comfortable and ready. 👉👈
• Specs for those who would like them: - 6 feet tall (about 183 cm). - 219 lbs and dropping (about 99 kg). ~ My figure is very dad-bod at the moment, but apparently it comes with a nice ass (so I'm told). ~ This is close to the most I've ever weighed, and I'm not happy with it. I'm targeting somewhere around 170 lbs (about 77 kg). - Brunette/dirty blonde, kept relatively short. - Blue eyes. - Caucasian.
• I have learned the hard way that I do have a type. I used to date outside that type, and it only led to hurt feelings, so I don't want to repeat that. That being said, my type is Caucasian or East Asian ranging from petite to average body type. I don't love going to the gym, but if you have or want a membership I would be open to going together. 😁 I apologize if my preferences differ from who you are. You're all beautiful people, regardless! Please love yourself and enjoy the time you're given in life! 💛
Chat with ya soon! 😁

About a month ago my ex (29m) broke up with me (26f) after 4 years in the worst possible way. The night before we said goodbye and he texted me that he would be at a show. Next thing you know he doesn’t come home and disappeared for 20+ hours. When I finally get a hold of him after thinking he was dead he texted me "I think we should break up". I was livid and called him screaming to face me because he is a coward. When he did come back home he reeked of booze and couldn’t stop crying saying things weren’t lining up for us and he was falling out of love. We cried and he left to stay at his friends place and he said I love you. A few days pass and I have this nagging feeling there is someone else. He comes back home, I beg him to work things out and he is closed off and still very emotional. We do this a few times until one night he comes over and we get into a big fight because I know he likes someone else, one thing leads to another and we end up having sex and he tells me after that he cheated on me the night before he broke up with me. He also confesses that he is falling in love with her and that she knows about me and that we live together etc.
For a little context, a few months before he ended things he started heavily drinking everyday, partying and basically stopped communicating with me. He was overwhelmed and kept spreading himself thin. He thought that breaking up with me with bring him some sense of relief but it didn’t. He is still full of guilt and he keeps saying he wants to make things right with me and wants me in his life forever and be my creative partner and collaborate in the future. He says that he still loves me but "not like that" or when I ask him if he still has romantic feelings for me he says "not right now". I am moving out in a week but I still want to make it work despite him dating someone else. He is the avoidant type so I know he is using her in part to numb the pain. They do drugs together (cocaine/molly) and knowing him he is love bombing her. I can’t see a relationship based on betrayal becoming genuine.
I understand how toxic this is but he tells me things that give me hope. We talked the other day about our issues and they were all resolvable if he would have just opened up more. He says he is sorry and I think he is realizing that he made errors too. He keeps saying that he wants to be friends and when I mentioned that he cant have her and me as a friend he started crying. He says that maybe we can be together in the future. I dont know what to do, we still sleep in the same bed sometimes, we can still hangout a bit but my heart aches because he still goes to her. I am becoming seriously ill tying to figure him out and I need help. Is he manipulating me? Or is he genuinely confused?

My girlfriend and I were together for two years, part of it was long distance. We were previously good friends for 5 years, then she was the one that caught feelings and pursued me first. During our relationship she always told me things like “I’m the one”, we talked about how we would get married and grow old together, she made so many promises that she was 100% sure of me and that she’d never leave. She would say things like “we’ve known each other in every lifetime”. We got together even though I was leaving for a masters study, she said she thought she’d never do long distance again but for me it was worth it, bc she was 100% sure I’m the guy she wants. I left a week after we got together, and I was gone for about a year. During that time we visited once a month, it was always great. I eventually moved back and we spent another year together in person. I’m sorry if this post is too long.
She ended things about a month ago. During the breakup she gave me very vague answers so I couldn’t get the closure I needed. I decided to reach out a week after the breakup to ask why she did it, and what she said killed me inside.
She said that she knew we were compatible and I’m an amazing person but felt like she was settling for me, and she didn’t want to live her life like that when she thinks she can find something better. She said she believes in that soulmate connection with one person when you know deep inside you that this is “it”, and she didn’t feel like that with me, she didn’t think I was “it”. But we did say to each other during the relationship that this was “it”, she told me so many times that I’m the one, so I don’t know how a flip just switched in her brain. She also said she realized she didn’t love me in the way “real love” is, and maybe she just loved the idea of me. She said she always felt the need to be accepted and loved by people and I made her feel like that. She said when you truly love someone you’d sacrifice things for them, and she wouldn’t sacrifice things for me. She said she was forcing herself to be comfortable around me, and it wasn’t the type of comfort that it should be with “the one”.
How the fuck does it take you two years to realize you don’t love someone in the way “real love” is? Especially after all the emotional intimacy we shared. How could you be uncomfortable with me? I was her first kiss, her first hand hold, she said she was saving those things for the right person and she did them with me. Why would she feel like shes settling for me when she’s the one that pursued me first? She went all out to “get me” and be in a relationship with me. Am I really the type of guy that gets settled for? That hurts like hell. She said she was having all these thoughts during the last 4 months of the relationship. But literally a month ago, I felt that she’s been a bit cold, and I asked if everything was okay. She said “nothings wrong, I’ve been really stressed with school/work. But nothings wrong with us, maybe something’s just wrong with me with all the stress. But we’re good, that doesn’t mean I don’t love you or that I’d ever give up on us, I’d never do that. Don’t worry I still love you and I’ll always be here.” She said that word for word. So she was lying to me? Why would you lie instead of communicating openly? If she had told me she was having those thoughts it would’ve been easier for me, but she gave me that reassurance and then blindsided me a month later. I told her it’s normal to lose feelings in a relationship after a while, that eventually that initial spark or honeymoon phase ends, and that’s when the real relationship starts and you work on building a life together. Love eventually becomes a choice and not just a feeling. But she said she wouldn’t lose feelings with the right person. Now I’m the wrong person when she literally told me a million times that we were always meant for each other. I told her I think she’ll end up being disappointed when she realizes there is no “one” person that gives you that magical feeling for life, you eventually reach a point where you have to choose that person everyday. Relationships are hard and most of them end up losing that initial spark, but it’s an opportunity for a new kind of love to blossom, a love based off commitment and loyalty to each other. That’s the only way a relationship can last forever. And during our relationship we even acknowledged that fact together and we told each other that if the feelings fade we will always choose each other no matter what happens. It makes no sense to me. And if she actually lost feelings and fell out of love, that’s fine. But to say she never loved me in the way “real love” is, that makes no sense to me and it’s killing me inside. Have I just been blind and stupid the entire relationship? How does it take TWO YEARS to realize that? She said to me, “maybe you can choose someone and settle for them and learn to love them, but I believe there’s one person out there that is meant for me and when I find them I will know it deep inside me.” Yea, I believed that too. I believed it because I thought it was you. Just because I chose you doesn’t mean I’m settling for you or learning to love you. I thought you were meant for me. It’s so ridiculous I don’t understand, she used to be so sure that I was the one, she knew it deep inside her that I was. And now she’s saying that when she finds it, she’ll know. Well you knew it with me and now you don’t.
Part of me understands why she lost feelings, we didn’t really have a strong base. We were together for only a week before I left for a year. I feel like it wasn’t enough time for the physical attraction to build up and to get to know each other in person. By the time we visited each other, a lot of time had passed and the spark wasn’t the same as the beginning, it was kinda awkward at first. We got into a serious committed relationship talking about future marriage, before we ever hugged each other. She was scared to kiss me, maybe that’s why she said she was forcing herself to be comfortable. But eventually we kissed and it was great. During the visits it felt like everything was going great and that our relationship was getting stronger. I didn’t think that she was uncomfortable. I feel like if we had done all the intimate things in the beginning, we would have a base to build off of and the spark would be alive.
Also I keep blaming myself and wondering what I did wrong. I’m just certain that it’s my fault, that I made her lose attraction. Maybe I wasn’t manly enough or attractive enough. Maybe I was too boring or uninteresting or too “stable”. Being in love with someone basically means you have to be sexually attracted to them first, that’s what separates family love from romantic love. Maybe I didn’t do enough to keep her attracted to me, so she felt like she lost feelings. It was really hard with the distance. I tried, I really tried. I would always flirt and tease her, I tried not to let the relationship feel like it was a platonic friendship over time. I was always confident and “manly” with her, I stood my ground when she did things I didn’t like, I wasn’t needy. We sexted and video called all the time. I always planned amazing dates. I tried to keep the fun alive. I don’t know what else I could’ve done to keep her attracted. I truly feel like if we had been in person the whole time, it would’ve worked and she would’ve still been attracted to me. It’s just different when you’re there physically. But we both knew this, we acknowledged that it was gonna be hard and the feelings may fade, but we said we’d always choose each other no matter what. Maybe it was inevitable with the distance, but at the end she said it wasn’t because of the distance, she believes with the right person the distance wouldn’t matter. So I just wasn’t the right person for her, I was for a while, but I let her lose attraction for me. Your view on love and attraction may differ, but I learned that it’s the guy’s responsibility to keep a woman attracted, it’s about how he acts and behaves that keeps her attracted. So it’s my fault she lost attraction, it’s something I did. For example when I look back at the first visit, a mistake I made was asking to kiss her instead of just going for it. She said no, maybe because I came off as unconfident and that turned her off. I was so nervous during the first visit because there was so much expectation built up inside my head. Maybe that prevented me from being able to genuinely enjoy myself around her and attract her. Eventually though, we got comfortable with each other and we kissed and it was great. I felt the spark was there. I don’t think she met someone else, I asked her and she said no. Yea maybe she could’ve lied, but i know her and I don’t think she would do that. She said “you know me, I would never allow myself to do that while I’m in a relationship. The reasons are solely because I don’t feel in love with you anymore.”
We hit a little rut near the end because we were both very busy, but I didn’t think it was concerning because she always gave reassurance and made it seem like everything is fine. It feels like shit hearing that someone was settling for me. Why wasn’t I enough? I keep looking back and thinking what I could’ve done different to keep her attracted. I keep nitpicking at myself and feeling insecure about the way I am. She was so sure of me in the beginning so I must’ve done something along the way to make her lose feelings. She let me tear my walls down and trust her fully, then she left. It feels like I’m not worthy of love because she saw something in me and decided she didn’t want me. What hurts the most is that to me, she was “it”, to me she was the one. And she said that to me too and I believed her. I felt that she truly meant it when she said that. She would tell me she was always attracted to me and had feelings during our friendship but she “locked them in a box” because she was too afraid. She even told me that I was a walking green flag and that I was perfect and I did nothing wrong. It hurts to know she thinks that yet she still decided she didn’t want me. It kills to know that one day she’ll get married, he’ll get to hold her and kiss her and have a family, and it won’t be with me. I can’t stand the thought of her being intimate with someone else. And it’s the thought that, whoever she ends up with, will be better than me in a way. She will love him more than she loved me. He will make her feel what I couldn’t make her feel. And I’m blaming myself so much that I couldn’t make her feel like that anymore. I’m grieving the future that we both planned together. I feel so betrayed, I feel like shit. Most of all I just really miss her, we knew each other for 7 years and now we’re just strangers again.
I’ve been hurt before, I’ve had a few breakups, but this one hurts the most. I don’t know what it is about this girl that makes me feel like I’ll never find anyone better. I know that time heals everything but I feel like this has damaged me on a deep level, I feel like I can’t let my walls down again. I don’t want to love again and risk getting hurt. I can’t invest myself fully into someone if I’m always afraid they’re going to blindside me. I know a breakup shouldn’t define your self worth, but it’s just the idea that the person I loved doesn’t see herself spending her life with me anymore, that makes me feel really bad. It’s the thought that she saw something in me that made her decide she doesn’t love me. She analyzed our relationship and thought “I want someone better”. The thought that it’s my fault, that it’s something I did. I didn’t have enough “game”. I couldn’t keep her attraction high. I can’t stand the idea of her getting married one day and finding her “it”. Of course I want her to be happy but I’d be lying if I said that doesn’t kill me inside.
Nobody is perfect but she was close to it. She’s such a rare breed, she had everything I wanted in a woman and it’s so hard to come by. I wish I had a reason to hate her but she’s genuinely an amazing person. She did nothing bad to me, we barely fought and when we did it was very gentle. Our entire relationship was pretty much perfect up until the end. I’ve never been with someone that was this compatible with me. She’s the kindest human, she’s intelligent, she’s very mature, she’s beautiful inside and out, she’s very warm and gentle. And the fact that she’s such a sweet and genuine person makes it way harder. If she had cheated or something I think this would’ve been easier on me, because I’d see her as a bad person. But she’s not a bad person. It hurts way more knowing that she was feeling like she wanted to end things, but at the same time she was trying to convince herself to love me, because she didn’t want to hurt me. She didn’t want to break her promises, she was trying so hard not to, but in the end she couldn’t lie to herself anymore. Why do I have to feel like someone has to convince themselves to love me? Why does someone have to force themselves to believe I’m the one? Why can’t anyone ever just truly believe it with their entire soul, that they want to be with me. When I asked for reassurance and she told me she still loved me and would never give up, she was trying to convince herself because she didn’t want to hurt me. It was all lies. Every “I love you” in the last 4 months was a lie. I feel like such an idiot that I was sitting there for the past 4 months thinking that everything was going great. She was just faking her affection the whole time. Imagine hearing that someone was forcing themselves to love you. No one was forcing you! The exit door has always been open, no one forced her to stay, no one forced her to pursue me in the first place. I told her many times that I just want truth and transparency in our relationship, yet she hid all of those things. She said she hid them because she cared about me and didn’t want to hurt me, and she was trying to make it work. But if she truly cared for me, she would know that I deserve honesty, I deserve to know the truth even if it hurts. I don’t deserve to live in a lie. If she cared for me she would let me go find someone who truly loves me, instead of just pretending to love me. By lying, she was only caring about herself, to relieve herself of the guilt. The breakup would’ve been way smoother if she just told the truth from the start, but now I feel like an idiot who sat there for 4 months thinking that everything was going well, when in reality it wasn’t.
There’s so many things I loved about her. I loved the way she cries during every movie, she thinks she’s too sensitive but I think it’s beautiful to feel your emotions that deeply. I loved the way her face lights up when she smiles. I loved how she would call me just to tell me silly little things about her day. I loved her curiosity and wonder for the universe. I loved how she would run into my arms when she saw me. She just understood me, and I understood her. I can’t hate her, I wish I could, but I just love her with all my heart. I don’t think I’ll ever stop. Even when 20 years pass and I’m over this and we’re both married to other people, I will still love her and wish the best for her. I miss her so much, I miss talking to her. I know we can't be friends, but I really wish I could still have her in my life. But I shouldn't wish that I guess, because she decided she wants to live her life without me in it. I can’t believe she could decide to lose me forever when she always said she could never live without me.
The worst part is, I reacted to the break up very emotionally. I showed how hurt I was, I wrote a long paragraph, and I brought up all the promises she made. That was a mistake, it probably killed any ounce of attraction she had left. If there was any chance of her coming back or realizing it was a mistake, I destroyed that chance. I made it look like I can’t live without her. I didn’t beg for her back at all, but I kept pushing for answers and explanations. I asked her what I did wrong and stuff, and that made me look super desperate. I should’ve just accepted the break up immediately and cut off all communication. Maybe then she would’ve thought about it, she would wonder why I wasn’t upset and have second thoughts about her decision. It would make me look more attractive in her eyes. But no I ruined it forever. Now all I want to do is salvage some respect, to make her see me as a valuable person. Not as someone who can’t live without her. Deep down I really want her to have a change of heart, I want her to feel re-attracted somehow, after having some time and space away from the situation. But I ruined her image of me. Now I’m looking back and analyzing every little thing about our relationship and wondering what I should’ve done better. I realized I made a lot of mistakes, which at the time I didn’t think were mistakes, but now looking back it’s probably my fault she lost attraction. I didn’t do enough.
I told myself during the relationship that “everything is temporary, don’t get too attached, life can change at any moment”. I know those things because I’ve learned my lessons from the past, but this is still killing me. I know almost everyone has been heartbroken, I’m nothing special, every human has been through this before. I just need to hear that it wasn’t my fault or that I’ll find someone better eventually. I’m blaming myself a lot right now and I keep thinking that she wouldn’t have left if I had been attractive enough. I generally consider myself a confident person but this has set me back a lot, it’s ruining my self esteem. Maybe I have attachment issues that I need to work on. I know that time will heal this, but right now I can’t imagine myself finding someone that’s better. I feel like the idea of “the one” has been ruined for me. I want to believe it, but I don’t think I do anymore. Even if I find another person who I think is the one, there’s always the possibility that they will change their mind. There’s always a chance that all of their words and actions were just lies. A lot of people get into relationships because they love the idea of being in love, not because they are actually in love with the person.
Thank you for reading this far, I know it’s a long post. I needed somewhere to vent, I don’t have many people to talk to. When I cry, I cry alone. And during the act of crying I start to hate myself for being such a bitch. I know it’s perfectly okay to cry and feel your emotions but it’s hard to escape the conditioning that I’m used to. I have friends and family but, I can’t express my emotions the way I did in this post. People have their own lives and worries and they don’t want to deal with someone’s silly heartbreak I guess.
TL;DR - my gf and I broke up a month ago, she said she was settling for me and that I wasn’t the “one”, even though she made promises and assured me that she wouldn’t leave. I keep blaming myself and wondering what I did wrong.

About a month ago my ex (29m) broke up with me (26f) after 4 years in the worst possible way. The night before we said goodbye and he texted me that he would be at a show. Next thing you know he doesn’t come home and disappeared for 20+ hours. When I finally get a hold of him after thinking he was dead he texted me "I think we should break up". I was livid and called him screaming to face me because he is a coward. When he did come back home he reeked of booze and couldn’t stop crying saying things weren’t lining up for us and he was falling out of love. We cried and he left to stay at his friends place and he said I love you. A few days pass and I have this nagging feeling there is someone else. He comes back home, I beg him to work things out and he is closed off and still very emotional. We do this a few times until one night he comes over and we get into a big fight because I know he likes someone else, one thing leads to another and we end up having sex and he tells me after that he cheated on me the night before he broke up with me. He also confesses that he is falling in love with her and that she knows about me and that we live together etc.
For a little context, a few months before he ended things he started heavily drinking everyday, partying and basically stopped communicating with me. He was overwhelmed and kept spreading himself thin. He thought that breaking up with me with bring him some sense of relief but it didn’t. He is still full of guilt and he keeps saying he wants to make things right with me and wants me in his life forever and be my creative partner and collaborate in the future. He says that he still loves me but "not like that" or when I ask him if he still has romantic feelings for me he says "not right now". I am moving out in a week but I still want to make it work despite him dating someone else. He is the avoidant type so I know he is using her in part to numb the pain. They do drugs together (cocaine/molly) and knowing him he is love bombing her. I can’t see a relationship based on betrayal becoming genuine.
I understand how toxic this is but he tells me things that give me hope. We talked the other day about our issues and they were all resolvable if he would have just opened up more. He says he is sorry and I think he is realizing that he made errors too. He keeps saying that he wants to be friends and when I mentioned that he cant have her and me as a friend he started crying. He says that maybe we can be together in the future. I dont know what to do, we still sleep in the same bed sometimes, we can still hangout a bit but my heart aches because he still goes to her. I am becoming seriously ill tying to figure him out and I need help. Is he manipulating me? Or is he genuinely confused?

Before I write the options I considered, I want to detail the reasons that convinced me that I need a refresher on the series.
First of all, aside from translating the games that didn't receive a localization in my language, it's been a few years since I last played them, and I always followed the release order... excluding PLvsPWAA which I never got out of my way to finish
Second, I've always been a bit biased in favor of Takumi written games. I guess I liked the atmosphere, cast and stories better. Not to disparage Yamazaki games necessarily, Investigations 2 is peak, but I still prefer TGAA2R and consider it on par with T&T; that said, the problem lies in what is now known as the Apollo Justice Trilogy: I'm not going to start a discourse on whether or not the title is earned or not (it is), what I'm trying to say is that AJ:AA suffered from needing to keep Phoenix relevant, DD went for a sequel that doesn't follow enough on the unresolved AJ:AA plotlines, feels like Danganronpa and ends up being boring, final and DLC case aside, and SoJ was good, but has some decisions that end up burying it below JfA for me. And while I have my opinions on these games, I'm seeing a resurgence of DD and SoJ fans, praising those two games especially as the golden standards, the peak of Ace Attorney, and it doesn't sit right with me. Call it petty, call it toxic, call it hating, it is what it is. But that's the second reason: I want to give all the games equal chances to impress me, freeing myself from any bias and preconceptions. Hints and tips on that are welcome
Third, and what sealed the deal, a few months ago I played the DLC cases of DD and SoJ with my now ex, since she hadn't, and while I confirmed that DD-DLC is a banger, I was pleasantly surprised by SoJ-DLC, which I used to consider boring nostalgia-pandering
After a long long preamble, I was considering the following play orders: - Original western release date for all the games - Mainline, then spin-offs - PWT, spin-off(s), AJT spin-off(s) - Chronological (TGAAC, PW, JfA, PLvsPWAA, T&T, AAI1&2, AJ, DD, SOJ)
Plus, a couple questions: - Should I hold off on DLC cases until after I finish the main games (so Rise from the Ashes, Reclaimed and Time Travel after the rest of the series) or play them with the game the cases are in (so Rfta after Goodbyes, Reclaimed after Monstrous and Time Travel after Revolution)? - what order should I play the spin offs, if not AAI1&2, PLvsPWAA and TGAAC?
Feel free to give me hints, tips and suggestions, to yell at me for not liking the AJ games as much as other ones or to do whatever

I’ve been friends with this person for many years, over 15, and our relationship has evolved over the years. Now this person will say or do things that I don’t think is right. For instance… we were talking about her dating life and she said men from my work are walking red flags. She told me to send her bf my engagement ring because she “wants the same one”. She is really mean to my fiancée, like she always bickers with him or “jokingly” will make fun of him for everything. She has brought up my number of sexual partners in front of people I was dating. If she shows me a song and I play it around a group of people she will immediately say “I showed you this song”. She used to hardly invite me out but when I got a group of my own friends she always wants to be invited. She also talks bad about every single person we know. Also when I first started dating my now fiancée I wanted to keep it a secret from her but she pried so I told her and then suddenly she was hanging out with him almost every weekend and multiple days a week (without inviting me of course). She hated our relationship in the beginning said she wanted nothing to do with it, but now she’s all about it saying “my besties are getting married”. There’s so much more I can keep going if yall more let me know.

Let's start by saying that this is my first (official) relationship ever.
A bit of background:
I've always had trouble socially relating to people; I'm so insecure and afraid of rejection, and I also had strict parents. Throughout the years, I've gained a bit of freedom for myself but it's not enough (I still live my parents).
I've always wanted to get close to people and have friends (I currently have just one) and a relationship, but I'm also afraid that I'm not interesting enough, that I won't know what to talk about, etc. So my strategy has always been to act cold towards people and wait for them to approach me first. If they approach me, it must mean that they have at least some interest in me...
In the past, I often found myself daydreaming about how a loving relationship would look like: he would love me a lot, accept me for who I am, not judge me for my physical little imperfections, have great emotional and physical chemistry, and I would love him back just the same. I know it might sound too perfect, but that's what I know I've always craved.
I have had a very few relationships/situationships where the men just never asked me to be their girlfriend and make things official. I think those "relationships" failed in part because I was so cold towards them even if inside I wanted to kiss or hug them first. I always hoped they asked me to be their girlfriend. Also, I always stayed till the end, until THEY didn't want anything to do with me anymore.
So with my current boyfriend, all things seem different. I met him at a mall. HE approached me first. At first I wasn't really attracted to him physically but he started telling me about his life and his varied life experiences. He seemed interesting. We exchanged numbers. Then we started going out. He's very different from me. He has a different clothing style than mine, he likes urban music, he has tattoos and has 1 piercing.
My very first impression of him was that he looked like the bad-boy type, so I didn't think he was interested in anything serious. But right on the second date, he mentioned he was looking for someone who really cared for him. He said something like: "it's nice to have someone that cares for you, even for the little things and even asks if you ate already, if you slept well, etc." Before that moment, I didn't have high expectations and was probably ready to accept whatever 🤦🏻‍♀️.
As time went by, I started liking more things on him, finding a few things in common. Until he asked me to be his girlfriend after one month of hanging out. I had waited for that moment for so long, and it finally came, but I didn't know how to feel. I felt kind of sad. Even though I knew he and me were looking for a serious relationship, I felt fearful, but I kept going.
We've shared beautiful moments so far. I feel at home, peaceful, respected, and loved when I'm with him. But sometimes I catch myself judging him for small imperfections. I'm physically attracted to him and we have good chemistry there, but I can't help noticing what he does "wrong." When we text, he sometimes writes with bad grammar and I can't help but judge him inside. Sometimes he sends me videos of him dancing happily for me, and I can't help but think "how isn't he afraid of being silly in front of me or even others?" I believe me judging him might stem from the same type of judgment I received when growing up. I just hate it and don't want to be like this. I know no one is perfect and yet my mind is obsessed with perfection.
My BF has had a difficult life and experiences, and yet he smiles all the time, has fun, is free, and has lots of love to give. He even says he loves me, but I don't feel sure to say it back to him. My mind tells me that I'm probably just using him and getting his love while I'm not able to love him back. I feel like a bad person for that. I do care for him. I've cried with him listening to how he feels when sad of bc of past hurtful events. When I look at him, I see someone sincere. I love to have him close, hug him, kiss him, feel his odor, listen to his voice, listen to him singing. Yet I have these other horrible thoughts that I can't let go.
I feel like I wasn't really ready for a relationship as I believed, and that there's a lot of work I need to do on myself, but I don't want to lose him either. I can't decide if I really like him, if I'm obsessed, if I'm dependant or what.
Need some advice on what to do and hear others perspective on this.
Sorry for the long post. I tried to give enough details 😅. Thanks in advance.

Background: over a decade ago I left a relationship where my ex was sexually, emotionally, and psychologically abusive. He cheated, lied extensively, and forced me to do things I didn’t want to do. Since then at the first sign of lying or dishonesty in a relationship I quickly end things. No excuses.
Currently I have a bf [33M] of less than a year who I love very much. We are highly compatible, our morals and overall views align. He’s very kind, loving, funny, smart, and makes my life better in every way. We’ve been talking about moving in together in the near future. I can see him being “the one”. I really want this to work.
However, at the beginning of our relationship before we were exclusive we were casually seeing other people at the same time (we met in a dating app). I was only sexually active with him and so he said (but we were either one free to sleep with other people). I found out a few months later when we were finally exclusive that was a lie - he was sexually active with at least 3 other girls. He lied about the extent until I showed him “receipts” (he handed me his phone to check, apparently forgot the evidence was there). We had lots of conversations about the betrayal - he assured me I was the one and I decided to let it go given we weren’t exclusive then. But I didn’t understand why lie if that behavior wasn’t a deal breaker (and I didn’t even ask him about it he just said there was no else he was sleeping with but me)
Since then I’ve learned that he has a secret Facebook account he uses to check on his exes and other girls he used to hookup with. I’ve seen the logs and he checks on them every other week on avg. He does it most frequently when we are having arguments or I’m out of town. He has lied about this. I’ve seen him delete activity logs on FB after he does his online stalking.
Furthermore he has accused me of lying and being dishonest - but I haven’t. For example: when he learns new information about my past with someone he takes that as a lie… as if he should know by now in detail the entirety of my previous relationships especially when it comes to sex. I find this very alarming. He might be projecting.
I don’t believe he is cheating. But his behavior is very dishonest. He assures me he won’t do it again (check on exes on FB). But I’d be naive to take him at his word given the history of lies, and the accusations that I’m a liar. Is this reason to end a relationship? If not, how does one grow/move on from this?

I hope this letter finds you well. To begin, I was drawn to this topic through social media posts that shared dozens of records detailing the abuse and deaths of hundreds of children in these therapy programs. I have often wondered, how can these programs be allowed to cause this amount of trauma to teens and children? This inspired me to look deeper into the troubled teen industry and understand why paid “caregivers” have put so many in danger. If we want to protect the wellbeing of these teens, we must find a solution to regulating these industries. Without increased laws and regulations we continue to place America’s children into potential death traps. Now what is a wilderness therapy program? Wilderness therapy programs, on the surface, seem like a promising solution for troubled teens, offering a blend of nature immersion and psychiatric support. However, the roots of the troubled teen industry date back to the 1970s, with reports of abuse surfacing early on. Shockingly, despite decades of outcry and documentation of fatalities, political inertia persists, and federal oversight remains lacking. It is understandable that parents want their children to be happy, respectful, and well-mannered. However, in an attempt to do what is right for their struggling child, parents may turn to the troubled teen industry. Currently, according to the American Bar Association, there are thousands of teenagers in these programs within the U.S, programs that often induce trauma and abuse, even causing the deaths of their children. So, why do parents continue to put their children into these programs? Is the fear of losing the “perfect” family leading parents to enrolling their children into these troubled teens’ wilderness programs? So why do parents enroll their children in these awful facilities? Simple answer: manipulation. The troubled teen industry (TTI) often manipulates parents through a series of insidious tactics. For instance, leveraging fear by exaggerating the risks associated with a child's behavior and creating a sense of imminent danger. Isolation tactics further reinforce this urgency, convincing parents that the facility is their sole recourse. These industries hire workers framed as “education consultants” that utilize high-pressure sales strategies to exploit parental anxiety, and present their TTI program as the only viable option. In an article by USAtoday, reporters held interviews of parents and teens who experienced a TTI program at Evoke, a Utah facility. "I was just an anxious mom. I loved (Katelyn) to death," Tessie, Katelyn’s mom, says, "I was so desperate and desperately wanting to save my child from herself" (USAtoday). Programs offer promises of rapid transformation and they prey on parental desperation for quick, easy fixes. Emotional manipulation adds another layer, playing on a parents guilt and insecurity. By showcasing selective success stories and controlling information flow, they obscure potential risks and alternatives. Stigmatizing the child's behavior further pressures parents into compliance, painting their facility as the sole refuge from societal judgment. "’[Evoke] just made it seem like (she was) such a rotten kid and that she couldn't come home after the wilderness program,’ Tessie says, instead [Evoke suggested] Katelyn go to an aftercare program” (USAtoday). In this web of manipulation, parents often find themselves coerced into decisions they later regret, unaware of the nuanced realities obscured by these tactics. In an article from the “Cafemoms” blog titled My Daughter Was a Victim of the 'Troubled Teen' Industry & It Haunts Me to This Day, a mother recounts her perspective of the tactics used by Island View (IV) treatment center to send her sixteen year old daughter to their facilities. “We trusted the [education consultant] when he said IV was the best program in the country and the best fit for Colleen. What the [education consultant] didn’t tell us was that the reason so many IV grads did so well after graduation is because nearly all of them went straight from IV to another residential treatment”(Cafemoms). Despite this, there is still hope for change. Imprint News wrote an article that focused on recent protests and youth advocates who were pushing congress to introduce new laws. Specifically, they discussed the Stop Institutional Child Abuse Act. A main advocacy group aiming at these lawmakers is Breaking Code Silence, a group dedicated to advocating for young people who had experienced harm in a youth treatment center (Imprint News). Their main goal is to pass a Bill of Rights for all children in youth treatment centers (Imprint News). The article also mentions that Breaking Code Silence wants children to have guaranteed protection from physical restraint and monitored phone calls. They further require that children are provided with all the basic necessities (Imprint News). Paris Hilton, a well-known celebrity, discussed in a Washington post article when she was 16 years old when she was taken from her home by two men. This was a result of her parents signing her up for a teen wilderness program (Hilton). Hilton describes that she was beaten and malnourished throughout her time at a Utah Facility. In October 2021, she partnered with Breaking Code Silence and pushed for a reform that was signed into law last April (Hilton). In Utah, it is now mandatory for treatment centers to document any time that staff used physical restraint (Hilton). Immediately following they have to submit these reports to the Utah Office of Licensing (Hilton). It also prohibits programs from sedating residents or using mechanical restraints, such as handcuffs and chains (Hilton). Therefore, this proves that reforms can be implemented and that it is important to continue the fight for more. Without regulations these programs can run rampant and place hundreds of children in danger. Continuing to protest, collaborate with government officials, and raise awareness can, and will, eventually stop the persistence of these programs. Enforcing reports and proper care through the law is the only way to give teens struggling with mental illnesses in these programs a fighting chance to recover. On the other hand, supporters of the troubled teen industry have used studies and research to prove the effectiveness of these programs, one example being RedCliff Ascent. RedCliff Ascent is a wilderness therapy program that claims the effectiveness of wilderness therapy. In 2005, this company hired a researcher to study families and adolescents 2 years after the program. The results found that over 90% of adolescents found wilderness therapy as effective and 83% of adolescents were doing better. In another study by Dr. Steve Aldana, it was found that 91.4% of children experienced clinically significant improvement six months post program. The counter argument presented by RedCliff Ascent is not only biased as the research was initiated from a wilderness therapy company, but they do not provide a sample size. This is important because when making conclusive statements such as “Over 90% of adolescents contacted perceived wilderness therapy as effective” they could be talking about six out of seven children or two hundred out of two hundred twenty (RedCliff Ascent). Through further research, the same results can be presented without the use of wilderness therapy. An article by the American Psychology Association (APA) titled “Better options for troubled teens” presents a series of studies and programs that was created to help adolescents. These programs focus on community-based activities, activities to help connect teenagers with their parents, and activities that align with the teens interests. This includes computer labs, dance studios, and machine shops. These programs have found significant success in decreasing the amount of juvenile offenders from 50% to 4% in an area of Connecticut (APA). It did this by helping teens take accountability and understand their actions. It utilized role play, writing assignments, and guided discussions between the teens. Overall, the troubled teen industry has caused abuse, trauma, and death to many children across the United States. It is a trap for children and a trick for desperate parents. Through the personal stories from teens and parents, reports of mistreatment, and protests it can easily be seen the impact and the importance of preventing this industry from expanding, instead increasing regulations and transparency to protect America’s children. To keep these children safe it is imperative that everyone works together to enact legislation. Your support matters to keep America’s children protected.
Sincerely, A high school student trying to make positive change
Works Cited Brennan, Caleb, et al. “Youth Advocates Again Push Congress to Crack Down on ‘Troubled Teen’ Industry.” The Imprint, 19 Aug. 2022, Date Accessed Mar. 2 imprintnews.org/top-stories/youth-advocates-congress-troubled-teen-industry/67243.
DeAngelis, Tori. “Better Options for Troubled Teens.” https://www.apa.org, www.apa.org/monito2011/12/troubled-teens. Accessed Feb. 19
Hilton, Paris. “America’s ‘Troubled Teen Industry’ Needs Reform so Kids Can Avoid the Abuse I Endured.” Washington Post, 22 Oct. 2021, Date Accessed Feb. 5 www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/10/18/paris-hilton-child-care-facilities-a Buse-reform.
Krebs, Catherine E. Five Facts About the Troubled Teen Industry. 22 Oct. 2021 Date Accessed Apr. 23 www.americanbar.org/groups/litigation/resources/newsletters/childrens-rights/five-facts-about-troubled-teen-industry.
Moniuszko, Sara M. “Wilderness therapy was supposed to help these ‘troubled teens.’ It traumatized them instead.” UsaToday, 8 Dec. 2022, Date Accessed Apr. 15 www.usatoday.com/in-depth/life/health-wellness/2022/12/08/wilderness-therapy-troubled-teen-industry/9890694002.
Parenting, baby names, celebrities, and royal news CafeMom.com. 14 Oct. 2022, Date Accessed Apr. 19 https://cafemom.com/parenting/troubled-teen-industry-island-view
RedCliff Ascent. “Does Wilderness Therapy Work?” Wilderness Therapy for Teens Needing Mental Health Treatment RedCliff Ascent, 10 Jan. 2023, Date Acessed Feb. 21 www.redcliffascent.com/wilderness-therapy-program/does-wilderness-therapy-work

So boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years. It’s been very good and we are very much on the same page with our future and what we want, house, kids etc. We make over $250K per year and equally split, we work very hard career wise and being financially set was important for both of us. Boyfriend and I have lived separately throughout our relationship but I’ve put in my notice to leave my apartment July 1st. Plan is to move in together, either at his or move into a rental home temporarily until we buy a home together. Id be happy to buy right away but I’m also fine to wait another year and experience living together first.
Here’s where it gets interesting- boyfriend has younger sister that moved in with him in September. She hasn’t been successful holding a job in the past, has some serious mental health issues (depression, anxiety, PTSD) has no education and has a 65 lb dog. Originally this situation was temporary to allow her to get back on her feet - look for a job or apply to a diploma program or something to get ahead in life. We were thinking by March she should be able to move out.
Here it is almost June, sister just started a minimum wage job working 15-20 hours a week. She has no savings and spends whatever money she makes on vapes, cigarettes, junk food and dog supplies. She pays no rent nor does she split groceries that my boyfriend and I have supplied since September. I help buy dog food and fill her car with gas, etc. I’ve done what I can to improve her life and make sure she was welcome and comfortable, as I spend a lot of time at my boyfriends and truly wanted to help her feel less stressed financially so she could focus on what she wanted to do for work or school. I would chat with her all the time about opportunities or programs. She spent all of winter not working and not leaving the apartment, severely depressed. We paid for her gym membership and took her with us whenever we could etc. I really feel that we did all we could to help her out. She has a therapist and medication and social supports, etc. I don’t see her being able to be successful on her own any time soon, the rental market in our area is expensive and a minimum wage part time job is not going to cut it. Also many rentals do not allow a larger dog.
I’m wondering what to do here. This sister situation has been a huge roadblock in my relationship with my boyfriend and our future and our chance to move forward. They live in a 2 bedroom suite, so there isn’t really room for me to move in, nor do I really want to in the current situation. It’s tight and honestly I’m so used to having more privacy and space at mine. I really crave one on one alone time with my boyfriend and we have sacrificed it so much to make her feel welcome and help her life improve.
My boyfriend and I are both financially ready to buy a house and move forward but we are now tied to being financially and personally responsible for this sister. The parents are struggling financially and health wise so they cannot take on this daughter of theirs. We have decided she and the dog are moving with us in this next chapter of either renting or buying a house.
I do recognize this situation may improve when we all have more space and maybe a basement for her to have her own area. However, I do not want to become resentful for a dependant I did not ask to be responsible for? I do not want to be resentful for not having the opportunity to live alone with my boyfriend and work on our relationship. I want a family and I also want to fully enjoy this next chapter of life we have both worked and saved for so long for!
How do I best set boundaries or a time frame to help this sister move on and live independently?
I fear we have made it to comfortable that she has no desire to pay her own rent or groceries, let alone live a full filling life of her own.

this is the first time I've ever had to do one of these, in fact thanks to waiting for doctors paperwork I still haven't gotten the thing fully filled out, but here's the deal
two weeks ago Sunday I suffered burns on my hands. I lost the first week of that period to one day in the hospital and the rest of the week trying to get in touch with my stores HR person or the closest we have to one to figure out to do
Once I started the paperwork I filled in my expected return date as the day after my doctor's appointment to check my progress. I'm a loader but I used to be a CSA so I thought maybe I could do light duty playing cashier. Doctor said no, for my work and it being hands I needed to stay off.
Next appointment is two weeks after, one week from today and based on her progress report I expect to be able to go back after it. So doing a bit more paperwork I set the return day my next appointment
Then I see the thing about setting up for return at leasst two days before. Which means, should I actually call up and set up my return, the day before I'm actually cleared, which is also Memorial Day, so should I do it Friday? Should I accept my return date is going to be wrong twice

In the past 6 months I challenged my own code style extensively and came up with new personal guidelines on how to write good PLC code.
Most of these are pretty straightforward programming principles that any experienced PLC engineer would support, like modularity, KISS principle or five rung principle
I also came up with some that are way more controversial, but I just think those are best practices.
I am programming exclusively in TIA portal, I have used Rockwell also once and know it has different capabilities.
1st: avoid structured text at all times, only use it for mathemathical calculations. If you have multiple tags in one command, put all of them into new lines for being able to properly debug.
2nd: Make all sequences in GRAPH. That way you have the sequence diagram always up to date
3rd: do not use InOut tags. I know that has been best practice for speed, but debugging large code without being able to properly cross reference is horrible.
4th: no abbreviations, except the absolutely most common like ERR, ES, i,o
What do you guys think about these? I know they are not considered best practice at the moment, but I also feel that the best PLC engineers are often really bad at writing clean code and its super frustrating at our company.

Hey! So I'm really struggling and could use some advice from other autistic adults. For context, my wife and I have been together for about eight years now (married for one) and she's the best person on the planet. Genuinely my best friend, favorite brain to pick, life partner, and someone who I deeply love. She had ADD and I have AudHD, depression, and anxiety.
I just recently found out that I'm autistic in the past few years. I only found out because I was having frequent shutdowns and ultimately had to do some intensive outpatient therapy to avoid being hospitalized. Finding out that I was autistic was a huge game changer. It contextualized a lot about myself and my relationship. I also found out that a significant portion of my depression is autistic burnout (explaining why depression was medication treatment resistant). My partner has been my biggest supporter. She's spent countless hours researching autism, burnout, and trying to understand the way I work. In addition, she has picked up a considerable amount of slack around the house and is doing virtually all of our combined finances. I left my solid paying job to soul search and find something that would be more compatible with who I am. Unfortunately, truly taking time off was not an economic option.
Ultimately, I decided to follow my passion to become a teacher. It has been great, it's routine oriented, comes in spurts, always has an end date, and gives plenty of time off. I am looking forward to celebrating my first summer break of my adult life (and teaching career) in the coming weeks. The only problem, is that in addition to being a first year teacher I had to go through the certification process. This was extensive. I took a half dozen test, a bunch of undergrad classes in my subject, and 30 graduate credits - all in a little over a year.
This was a crazy schedule and, predictably, left me more burnt out. I have now graduated with my masters, finished the licensure process, and have settled into my role. Over course of this process my wife has been nothing short of amazing. As I mentioned above, she took on the lions share of the work and assured me that it was to help me get to the finish line, get better, and be able to recover over the summer. As time has gone on, doing all of this is starting to, very understandably, leave her burnout. She's made it clear to me that “just because an action has a negative consequence doesn't mean it's wrong.” However, seeing ten stress she has been under and her burnout increase has absolutely ruined my already shaky confidence and ability to feel like an equal partner. To be frank I haven't been one. I simply have not been able to. Everytime I try to add more housework, or even just little things for my wife like making her coffee in the morning, my burnout induced demand avoidance makes my fight or flight kick in. As we get closer to my break, the cracks in her facade of being OK with taking on such an extra burden has begun to appear. To be clear, I do not begrudge her for that. She's doing so much for us, and just for me.
I am really struggling to find things I can do to help her feel valued and to take back on more of the household load. I know summer about to start and things might change then, but the idea of taking on even something as innocuous as the litter box or dishes absolutely terrifies me. I want to do these things, and so much more, to lessen her load and make her feel appreciated but simply fail at being able to turn that will into action. As a result, this has made me very insecure about our relationship which only frustrates her more.
I really don't know if this is a rant or if I'm asking for advice - either way I appreciate you for making it this far. I just really want to be a better partner but feel so limited in the ways I can do so. I feel terrible as my wife will suggest things that aren't household load/management related like planning nice dates but my brain turns even those into demands that need to be avoided. In many ways I feel like I have become like an injured pet she needs to take care of rather than a proper husband. I hate feeling like this. I'm afraid that when summer comes I won't magically have more spoons and it'll continue like this. That will only make us both more frustrated as it's definitely not fair for her to be working, paying our bills, and doing the housework while I, uh, do nothing over the summer. I need to figure out how to step up and be the husband deserves.
Since being diagnosed, I have found so much autistic joy and many strategies to make my life better. This is truly the one area that makes me feel lesser than for being autistic. Even then I feel like I am just autisming wrong somehow and that this is a personal failing.
If you have any advice on how to set myself up for success, recovery, and being a better partner this summer I would love to hear it.

About a month ago my ex (29m) broke up with me (26f) after 4 years in the worst possible way. The night before we said goodbye and he texted me that he would be at a show. Next thing you know he doesn’t come home and disappeared for 20+ hours. When I finally get a hold of him after thinking he was dead he texted me "I think we should break up". I was livid and called him screaming to face me because he is a coward. When he did come back home he reeked of booze and couldn’t stop crying saying things weren’t lining up for us and he was falling out of love. We cried and he left to stay at his friends place and he said I love you. A few days pass and I have this nagging feeling there is someone else. He comes back home, I beg him to work things out and he is closed off and still very emotional. We do this a few times until one night he comes over and we get into a big fight because I know he likes someone else, one thing leads to another and we end up having sex and he tells me after that he cheated on me the night before he broke up with me. He also confesses that he is falling in love with her and that she knows about me and that we live together etc.
For a little context, a few months before he ended things he started heavily drinking everyday, partying and basically stopped communicating with me. He was overwhelmed and kept spreading himself thin. He thought that breaking up with me with bring him some sense of relief but it didn’t. He is still full of guilt and he keeps saying he wants to make things right with me and wants me in his life forever and be my creative partner and collaborate in the future. He says that he still loves me but "not like that" or when I ask him if he still has romantic feelings for me he says "not right now". I am moving out in a week but I still want to make it work despite him dating someone else. He is the avoidant type so I know he is using her in part to numb the pain. They do drugs together (cocaine/molly) and knowing him he is love bombing her. I can’t see a relationship based on betrayal becoming genuine.
I understand how toxic this is but he tells me things that give me hope. We talked the other day about our issues and they were all resolvable if he would have just opened up more. He says he is sorry and I think he is realizing that he made errors too. He keeps saying that he wants to be friends and when I mentioned that he cant have her and me as a friend he started crying. He says that maybe we can be together in the future. I dont know what to do, we still sleep in the same bed sometimes, we can still hangout a bit but my heart aches because he still goes to her. I am becoming seriously ill tying to figure him out and I need help. Is he manipulating me? Or is he genuinely confused?

In the original script the stage is set, Magnum, I mean Data, has the bad guy cornered and looking right down the barrel of his Varron-T disruptor. Angry about the death of his friend
Data: How many others are out there?
Kivas Fajo : You are still a schoolboy, Data, using schoolboy tricks.
Data: [shakes his head] No tricks. Who's next on your collection list?
Kivas Fajo : I have a shuttle to catch. If you are going to shoot me, do it now.
[Data doesn't do anything]
Kivas Fajo:You won't. You can't. I know you, Data. I had you for a week in my collection . I know you better than your creator. Your sense of... honor and fair play. Oh, you could shoot me - if I was armed and coming after you. But like this - Data... never, your ethical subroutines won’t allow it. Goodbye, Data.
Data: Fajo?
Kivas Fajo:[stops] Yes?
Data: Did you see the sun rise this morning?
Kivas Fajo [puzzled] Yes. Why?
[Data turns around and shoots Kivas Fajo]
In what would have been the most stunning moments of all of Star Trek was ruined by none other than Miles Edward O’Brien hitting energize thanks to the last minute rewrite by Brannon Braga. Some say Braga wasn’t ready to bring vigilante justice to Trek, and instead used the episode with an original air date of May 5th 1990 to single handedly bring the window of 80’s tv justice to an unceremonious close. It would be decades until we see 7 of 9 in Picard season one that we get a glimpse of what could have been.

I’m so tired of dating! I can’t wait to be done with this crap. And by done I mean either partnered or perpetually single forever. Just tired of the process. The emotional rollercoasters. The patterns and cycles and tendencies to fall for the same type of people. Tired of having to do the work to fix it all and still feel like I’ve got so far to go.
Met someone amazing. Aligned. Tons in common. Liked them for all the right reasons. And we connected. Then we met in person and the date went pretty well, we had lots of interesting convos and several drinks and played board games and bar hopped and made out passionately. Then today she hit me “I’m not sure if I’m there romantically”. Honestly, I get it and it’s fine, I don’t want to be with someone who needs convincing but why do I get my hopes up? I feel like the other side of that coin is never getting hopes up but then being jaded and pessimistic, and being guarded without any vulnerability or authenticity. That sucks too.
Why didn’t they teach us how to navigate relationships in high school? I haven’t used Algebra a single time in my life. Not once. Poppycock is what I say.
Sorry for the vent.

Finally got the text yesterday. I felt it coming that day long before she would even be awake. To be fair weve had some really choppy waters, all due to her issues. She was depressed, then it was about how I dressed, then it was about how she couldn’t take it anymore. The repetition, the lack of spontaneity and excitement. Then how she wasnt happy with the relationship anymore but said she still loved me. And this was only just while we were together for a year and a half. Between these moments, pretty much no issues. Ive bit some things down but they weren’t worth her being upset about.
I think she just has commitment or trust issues. That came up in our talk some weeks ago where we were going to take a break but that didn’t last because it hurt us both too much. She talked herself out of breaking up then. I supported and even proposed the break after she had said she didn’t want to break up but have many reasons as to why she didn’t want the relationship. She lost her enjoyment of the relationship when the spontaneity and excitement of it was no longer always present or new. And that was a few months ago for her. Yesterday was final. Even if she comes crying back, I cant, I won’t take her atleast not for a couple years. Until she either really works on herself or she lets it get the best of her and goes under.
I know its harsh to say that, but I genuinely love her. I have liked her since I saw her at my work and school in high school. She said she was the same but still went into other relationships because I wasn’t just throwing myself at her. If she can’t get a grip on herself, I cannot help that. I have some issues similar to what she’s told me, but I cant do much about it either except walk through the mud.
In late 2020 we began actually going on dates after we hung out twice during my final highschool year. Then she went and got with someone else because I didn’t treat her like an object or try jumping the gun or something like she was used to from all her other relationships. Anyways 2020 didn’t last long because a month before she said she needed to just work on herself due to her recent breakup Then 2022 of November we started to date again and came so far. Now it’s gone.
Each time an issue was there we worked on it, I stood by her, asked her what we could do. Each time I tried to come up with solutions to ease her problems, and it still failed in the end. All those other times being full of anger and hurt didn’t help this time feel any better. Why does it always suck? It feels maybe slightly faster, but it’s not easier and it doesn’t feel any better. Even when Im not crying and feel alright I still feel like there’s a vacuum in my chest.
Mayhaps we’ll cross paths in the future if she really cares that much. Im not counting on it and Ill be hesitant. I’ve given her multiple chances. I don’t want to be left feeling like this toy again that she’s uncertain she wants anymore.
I guess I’ll focus on my future and hobbies until Im ready to be back out there looking for someone to run with me. It wont be for a long while though. I just can’t.
Tldr: girlfriend broke up with me. Weve had a few issues that caused her break it off on multiple occasions for not even a day before she said she was sorry and over reacted due to her anger or depression episodes, even after being medicated. Each of those times hurt just as much as the next. Why does it always have to hurt? Why can I not just not feel it? It makes it feel not even worth it. I had my doubts about the relationship but goddamn I didn’t want to ever leave her.

The reason I'm being gang stalked is because I dated a horrific looking troll woman and was disgusted by it the entire time. I had to get inebriated in order to touch her because she was so absolutely gross in every way. Her mother couldn't wait to get rid of her that's why she gave her to me that night at the bar. This woman that I pity fucked was overweight, she stank horribly, her voice was shrill and horrible, she wasn't very intelligent, and she looked like a mixture of gargamel and Mac and me. Shit, even her hair was like plastic twine. She had no positive attributes. Not even her personality. I tried my best to treat her right but I did fail on multiple occasions because like I said in order to be even close to her in any way I had to be inebriated. I never hurt her physically but I was rude to her many times.
Well it just so happens that her family is involved in the military and some of our alphabet organization law enforcement. So to get revenge on me for being rude to that fat ugly disgusting person that I was forced to be with they are now gang stalking me.
I am a hard target which means I'm getting directed energy weapon abuse, touchless torture, mind games, dream invasions,mental readings and they have told me they are going to frame me for crimes I could never in a million years commit. You know, all that stuff. For the average person who is being gang stalked they will have no idea what I'm even talking about. But for most who are in my situation they will know exactly what I'm talking about.
I just want to say this to my gang stalkers. Listen very closely you worthless pieces of human shit. I do not fear you I have challenged you and you have backed down. This is because you are cowards. That is obvious in every way. You have committed treason against our country. When the American people find out what you are doing they will tear you apart. If you have a problem with me in some way and I have somehow broken the law in your stupid view then you should have went through the judicial system in order to handle that. But you did not. Instead you chose to take power from the American people and use it for your own ends. That means you have committed treason against the United States of America. You are disgusting people. Go fuck yourselves! I will never bow to you. I was a soldier. You shit on every soldier who died fighting for our rights by doing what you are doing and I guarantee you that you WILL get what's coming to you. Have a wonderful day.

Hi! I feel like a lot of the discourse about people not liking this season is in part due to people not really understanding what friends to lovers is, specifically the trope as it applies to Colin and Penelope, so I thought I might share my thoughts :)
Now I haven’t read the books - this is all based on what I gleaned from the show on multiple rewatches and as someone who has been the Penelope in a friendship for a longggg long time. Hopefully this makes sense.
Romance tropes can often boiled down to their immediate, basic truths. The popular enemies to lovers, for example: Enemy 1 + Enemy 2 + sexual tension = Lover 1 and Lover 2. Not to say enemies to lovers can’t be complex, but generally the starting point for enemies is an essential lack of trust between the parties and moments of connection (via fights) fueled by intense feelings of hatred/rage/whatever which can, in turn, translate to sexual tension. Due to the lack of trust, when they do get together it’s an explosion of that intense energy, highlighted even more-so by the knowledge that they don’t truly trust each other but they need each other which makes the heart race all the more and the passion all that more explosive.
Let’s look at Kate and Anthony as this trope. When they meet there is an immediate spark, fueled by a race in which they’re in competition. Once she hears him at the ball she decides she will do everything in her power to stop him from marrying her sister, and since he is determined to marry Edwina every interaction they have from that point on, until they have their happily ever after in the last episode, can be considered a fight. Moments like the bane of my existence and you vex me are such high intensity because it’s two people fueled by anger and sexual/romantic tension. They need each other like air but will do everything to fight it because of the anger, making the onscreen affections super intense for the viewer (especially as viewers who have just been introduced to Kate and are getting to know her through the lens of Anthony).
Now friends to lovers is, if I may say, quite a bit more complicated. A basic boiled down is Friend 1 + Friend 2 + romance/sexual tension = Lovers. But all friendships are different - if you’re new friends your pipeline to lovers is likely entirely different than old friends to lovers. If one party is in love with the other that changes the dynamic entirely; are they long distance or close? Were they childhood friends? Are they both likeable and popular or is one more nerdy and quiet or both? Do they know each other’s families? Are they best friends or just friends? All of these and more create new dynamics and emotions that can lead to love in different ways. My point is that friends to lovers is not as easy to pin down as something like enemies to lovers. So that’s why a couple like Polin may seem like they don’t have as much chemistry on screen - because their intensity shines in a different way than what we’re used to in Bridgerton.
Going into season three we know that Penelope has been in love with Colin for a long time, but during that time the two also formed a close friendship. When Colin proposed to Marina, yes Penelope whistledowned about the pregnancy to stop him from marrying her for love reasons, but also because he is her friend and she didn’t want to see him trapped in a loveless marriage. We also know that when Colin traveled between seasons one and two Penelope most often responded to his letters. Even during a scene in season two Pen specifically asks to hear more about his travels, even though everyone else in Colin’s life had asked him to stop talking about it. Pen’s crush and friendship don’t cancel each other out, they exist side by side as two parts of Penelope that often overlap but are most importantly separate entities. And she knows that.
Colin does not. In season three when Colin is talking about when they first met, Penelope looks away with anxiety when Colin suggests he knows why Penelope was so forward in making fun of him for falling off his horse and starting their friendship. She knows it’s because she had a crush on him. He states that it was because they were kids. This means it’s canon that Penelope had a crush on him since the moment they met. As a result, Colin has never experienced a friendship with Pen that doesn’t also have an underlying crush. He doesn’t know that Pen doesn’t respond to everyone’s letters all the time, or hangs onto their every word, or goes out of her way to talk to them. How Pen acts around him is how he assumes she acts around everyone - that’s why he doesn’t pick up on her crush.
It’s also why, I argue, he doesn’t realize that he loves her until the kiss in season three. He truly and genuinely takes her affections, her friendship, for granted because he doesn’t understand that someone so loyal and loving like that is rare. He doesn’t appear to have much else in the way of friends; outside of his family we don’t really see him interact with other men, and in season three the “friends” he does spend time with make comments to suggest they only started hanging out with him after his personality change to be more like his brothers - a rake who doesn’t care much for real affections. It’s why he said he would never court Penelope Featherington, or why he said “You are Pen, you do not count” when asked why he was still talking to her if he swore off women. He was super young when his dad died, so the only male role models he has for what love means are Anthony and Benedict. So, as he understands it, a man courting a woman is about sleeping around until the man finds a suitable match that pleases the family regardless of the man’s happiness. Even though he saw that Anthony fell in love by the time Colin said he would never court Pen, he didn’t see Anthony’s journey to understanding that love is not something to run from but something to cherish like we, the viewers, did. Anthony’s arc was just background noise for Colin, so it wasn’t like that would change his outlook on what Anthony’s actions in season one and beginning of season two loudly called out: choosing love over meaningless sex is idiotic and weak. It is explained in a letter that the reason Colin decided to try being like his brothers is BECAUSE Penelope stopped responding to him during his travels between seasons two and three. He decided to start guarding his heart, throwing on the rakish armor we see him dawn in the first half of season three, because he didn’t have that relationship that made him feel stable and loved anymore.
This is why Colin is genuinely distressed when Penelope walks away from him at the garden party in the first episode of season three, and why he went after her to explain that he missed her. He loves his relationship with her, not understanding that what he feels is actually love for her because he has never been aware that true love feels the way it does when he is with Pen. He sees Penelope as his best friendship, rather than the love of his life, because he literally can’t see it any other way based on how everything in his life played out to that point.
———
Okay this is way longer than I intended this to be already, but to finally make it to my main point! The Friends to Lovers trope as it plays out in Season Three Part One: Polin Do Be Polining.
What does all this mean for how Polin’s intensity shines as a couple? Due to the way their friendship has played out things like Colin taking Pen to the dance floor (not small social feat btw) in season one when Cressida bullies her, seeking each other out at social events, Pen asking about his travels - all of these are part of their relationship! It’s all part of the slow burn; it’s just less slap-you-in-the-face noticeable, to a viewer of a show about specified romance, as Kate and Anthony and even Simon and Daphne because acting like friends is an implicit part of Polin’s love story. Because they are best friends as well as eventually lovers!!
This is in full display in Season three, though put more on blast since it’s their season to get together. Colin saying he’ll teach Penelope how to get a husband isn’t a pity thing, it’s a real moment of genuine care that Colin is extending towards her.
—— “Pen wants to get a husband to be happy? Great! I’ll help to make her happy because her happiness means everything to me. Because I am her friend. Duh :)” - top ten photos taken ten seconds before disaster. ——
And it works! They start spending all this time together, and Pen has always looked gorgeous but is finally wearing clothes that she feels gorgeous in and you can see it in the way she acts, and suddenly Colin’s heart starts doing all these weird jumps around her like when she’s in the drawing room and when she wraps his hand because he has always loved her, so he doesn’t understand what these feelings that are coming up during these scenes are because they are not new feelings, just more intense ones of what he believes is pure friendship.
Penelope, on the other hand, has had her brain decide to give up on Colin Bridgerton (even though her heart hasn’t). As someone who’s been there, being in unrequited love with your friend is brutal but you can never really let go. No matter how many people they date, or the hours you spend together talking about their new crush, or the life moments share together where they do everything but love you there is always that small spark of hope in your chest that you can’t let go of lest they ever possibly realize they love you back. That chance is too precious to give up - that’s why Penelope can’t give Debling a real answer when he asks her if she would like to be with Colin in episode four. Logically she knows she should give it up but her heart just can’t. She is a hopeless romantic and her life has been spinning around Colin Bridgerton since she was 16 like the earth around the Sun. There is no other way to live, for her, if she isn’t in love with Colin. And that’s what breaks her heart the most.
It’s also why, I believe, she asks him to kiss her in that garden. She had just written about herself in Whistledown that she did the upmost embarrassing act of taking Colin’s assistance on the marriage market, and her mother dressed her down about being a spinster for the rest of her life. All of Pen’s plans, of marrying and getting out, are utterly gone for her in that moment when she goes out to the garden. She doesn’t have her prospects. She doesn’t have Eloise. She doesn’t have safety in her own home. The only thing she has left is Colin. That’s why she asks him to kiss her, because he might grant her this one kindness of making her feel alive for just this one moment before the rest of her life ends. That moment is the culmination of all of her feelings up to that point in the show. She’s given up on Colin - she wouldn’t have asked him to kiss her had she any hope left. This was her last ditch attempt to just be a girl and be kissed regardless of what he actually meant to her. It wasn’t out of desperation, it was staring down the barrel of the gun with societies’s finger on the trigger.
When she asks him Colin is taken aback. Not because he doesn’t want to kiss her but because he has never considered it before. Kissing was reserved for women you are looking to sleep with at a bar, for prostitutes in alleyways, not for his caring Pen. I’ve seen some upset over not including more of Colin’s writing in the show, as he becomes quite the writer in the books apparently, and the writing we do see is just about sex but given the way they paced the show they provided the most important piece of context for Colin’s understanding of intimacy in the writing they did use. He wonders how one can feel, despite sleeping with every kind of woman across Europe, such intimacy in physical closeness and yet such distance emotionally. It’s some level of satisfying for him to sleep around, but it doesn’t fulfill him in the way it seemed to fulfill his brothers. He cannot equate the idea of kissing to Penelope because he feels such emotional closeness to her. But when she brings it up, suddenly everything clicks into place for him. All the emotions he feels towards her, what he thought was just friendship, is so much more. Yes she is his friend, but by god he wants to kiss his friend; not out of the need to search for something but of the overwhelming feeling of going home.
Their kiss is sweet, and soft. Unlike Daphne and Anthony’s first kisses with their respective partners it isn’t this immense clashing of bodies and teeth. It’s two friends who love each other finally meeting each other as sparks fly.
———
Colin is left speechless, and confused. The kiss was amazing to him because he finally unlocked that part of him that made him realize he was in love with Penelope. The kiss was amazing to Penelope because she has been in love with him for so long, but it was also tinged with her own doubts and feelings of hopelessness. That’s why she runs away, and thanks him, because this was her last stand and he was just her friend helping her out as she believes.
But as always, a night of sleep helps clarify things. The next time Pen goes into society she is awkward but still well intentioned about getting a husband because that kiss was a long day’s worth of self pity followed by, in her terms, a moment of weakness. But it clarified things for her too. Now she can’t die without ever having been kissed, so that ultimatum she set up in her own mind was gone and everything seems much more manageable from that point on. Colin, as we know, is a wreck who is absolutely bamboozled at these feelings and we love to watch him flounder!!!
———
Now the tables have been turned. To those of who are think Penelope should have chosen Debling, this part is for you. This is when Debling really starts to court Penelope as she goes after him. She literally fights Cressida for him, because he seems like the most amenable husband for her to be able to continue Whistledown and be provided security. She isn’t looking for love in Debling because she already has love in Colin (love she believes will always remain unrequited, but that kiss can be a memory she cherishes for the rest of her life and that be that); she basically did what Anthony did at the beginning of season two. Find a suitable match that makes the most sense for her and leave searching for a love match out of it. She likes Debling, for sure, and he’s a rly nice guy!! He cares about her in a way that a suitor might, and I’m certain had they gotten married he wouldn’t have been mean to her or anything. But she would’ve been lonely. As remembered she is a romantic, someone who craves the love she reads about in her romance books. She’s spent most of her conscious life in love - marrying Debling would stop that in its tracks. In his own words, Debling tells Pen that he could try to maybe love her but that it was far too unlikely to find any room in his heart her for over his passions (aroace Debling stand rise). He specifically mentions that he is choosing her to marry because she has her own passions, separate from his, that can keep her company while he is gone both physically and emotionally from her. She doesn’t realize this until it’s too late, when her focus on the chase is over, and Debling asks her mother for her hand. It’s only then that she thinks that maybe she could hold out for love, and that power is strong enough to make her actively not want to ensure her security through Debling.
Love is treacherous, and yet we yearn for it like a sailor who cannot help but smile at the beauty of the raging sea at it comes crashing down upon him. Penelope would rather a thousand lifetimes of the chance to be in love with Colin over one lifetime married to Debling in safety.
That is why Debling breaks it off with her. Because she loves Colin, Debling knows she would choose Colin over him, and he sees Colin’s interest in her even if she does not. Like girl…. Colin literally found out she was going to get engaged, ran to the ball, interrupted the dance wherein Debling was going to ask Pen to marry him, ran after her carriage just to know if she was engaged because he couldn’t fathom letting her get away in a loveless marriage, and when finding out she was not engaged telling her he loved her even if she did not love him back because he simply had to express to her how much he loved her as he owed her that as his friend. Colin got in his knees in that carriage because he was genuinely splaying out his heart to her for her to dissect as she chose. He put himself at her mercy because that is where he believes his place to be - hers.
———
The carriage scene is, of course, the moment of highest intensity from the viewer standpoint of what we think love should appear to be. Other scenes could be Colin’s dream, and the moment in the sweets tent, etc. But those moments aren’t all of Polin’s love story. They may be the most visceral to witness, but they are just as important as the two of them laughing together in the corner of a ballroom. Their romantic trope is defined as Friends to Lovers, but that isn’t quite right - they are both. There is no big “or” between the two. Colin and Penelope are friends and lovers, and all of it is a beauty to witness.
Okay that’s it! If you’ve made it this far thanks for sticking around to hear my obsessive little thoughts. I wish you a very happy Bridgerton rewatch :)

Edit for info: i am 21 he his 23, met in 2021, been dating for a year. Fwb before that.
I might sound a little unhinged, but i guess I’m wanting to know if I’m in the wrong for wanting to bring it up to talk about it.
This morning, my boyfriend got a barrage of voice memos from a friend he hadn’t talked to in a while. From my understanding she’s a lesbian, but she seemed to have just gone through a breakup.
He played them out loud, it was probably 5 solid minutes of her talking, saying she wants to make music with him, and go to a festival together this summer. She also called him handsome within a string of compliments and she said that she loves him. She’s a very hippie, rave, spiritual kind of person. My boyfriend is more on the fringe of that ideology, and so am I. So the statements of love seemed like a very “we’ve been friends for so long, we used to do shrooms and have those experiences together” thing. (My bf does not use psychedelics anymore)
He despises responding to people, he seems to feel like he has to perform when doing so. So he was dreading responding to her 5 minutes of manic ramblings. He probably wrote for a solid 20-30 minutes. He showed me the bulk of text, not close enough for me to read it. It was multiple paragraphs. He made a joke about how he tried to match her energy, and use the hippie vernacular from his past. I told him half-jokingly i want to hear it, initially because i was curious to hear his attempt at a spiritual vibe. He dismissed it and acted kind of weird, he mentioned he didn’t want me to hearead it because or her saying she loved him and him trying to match that energy.
I dropped it at that because deep down i trust him, we had problems years ago before we were exclusively dating and he has made incredible efforts to make it known that he is devoted to me. I have a lot of anxiety about it, and he knows that. He has told me every time he has communicated with exes usually a “hey, we were dicks to each other, no hard feelings cool bye” or a “stop contacting me” i also know he’s not physically doing anything wrong, we are together every weekend, and he texts me incredibly frequently, we also have each other’s location. He is a home body who will go out once a month with one of his best freinds and thats it. Even then he texts me cute little pictures of him or drunk shenanigans (usually videos of him climbing trees lol)
But now that im home, i feel like theres a reason he didnt want me to read the texts, i thought she was a lesbian but in her voice memo she said her partner, which is what my boyfriend calls me since im nonbinary, but i know from experience he was quite the man hoe when we met.
I keep imagining senarios where he had a thing with her and was being a little too comfortable in the texts, or since he put in a lot of effort to match her energy that it was some sort of proclimation about how amazing she is and “YES! We should totaly hang out, you beautiful being” when he doesnt really treat me with that kind of adoration.
I want to bring it up, that im anxious about it, and i feel like our relationship has been so incredibly open that this is out of character. We pick our noses in front of each other, we’ve talked about trauma we’ve never told anyone about before, he’s shit his pants in front of me, theres nothing too intence or embarrassing for us.
Why did he not want me to read it?
Sorry for grammaspelling/punctuation, my phone overheats when i type too long so its hard to edit.

Dear D
It's been 2 weeks since you broke up with me. 2 weeks since you told me you didn't feel like you could be in a relationship anymore. 2 weeks since my world crashed down around me. 2 weeks since the hole appeared in my chest.
You said you felt like you were toxic in our relationship. I wish you had talked to me about it before deciding. You said I didn't want to be around your kids. But I was picturing school dances and graduations and being there for them. You said that you felt it was all because of your childhood trauma. Yet you never wanted to discuss it with me. Yes I didn't push the issue when you would get close and I noticed you shut down I just wanted you to be comfortable.
In these two weeks you have isolated me from you. The one I love more than anything I've experienced in life shut me out as if I was a stranger. It's not no contact because you've still responded at times but the coldness is palpable from the messages.
I watched video of us returning from our date night captured by the security cameras The smile on your face felt genuine. The way you pulled me in for a kiss and kissed me so passionately. Did you know at that time that that would be the last time you would kiss me? Or did you figure it out when you went to hang out with your friends afterwards.
I've been looking online and so many of these posts hit close enough to home that I wonder if they are you reaching out to me. But then I notice that they're not. I just want to have a real conversation with you. Not one where you shut me out and mask up so that way I can't see your emotions.
My biggest wish is that you're willing to talk to me and we can work on repairing our relationship. Near two years all gone in 1 hour 2 weeks ago.
My therapist says that I need to contact you and give you your stuff from the house back but I don't want to. To me that feels like admitting that we will never be back together. Even now as I have your stuff in a box it bothers me that it's not in its rightful place waiting for you to come use it.
My second biggest wish after being able to talk would be that we could get back together.
How is it you could say you still love me, that it's hard for you to text me because all you want to do is flirt, that seeing me miserable makes you miserable. Those are not things said by somebody who no longer loves you.
I know there is little to no chance you are here posting things. I know there is little to no chance You're going to see this message. But just know no matter what I am here for you. I love you Amore.
A