What to do if someone owes loan sharks money

The problem is there’s never any breathing room for errors. I have never been able to afford savings. As soon as I was 18 I had to go into debt to escape abusive family. Since then it’s been just back to back surviving often starving just to make it through undergrad (sadly even though I was a decent student at a really good school I just couldn’t do well). The way the system worked at the time was that you needed proof that you didn’t have financial support. Either that or proof that you’ve been estranged for 3 years. Of course my parents didn’t agree to that. So I only qualified in my final term of final year undergrad. In January 2020.
There’s so much I could talk about. There are basically no resources for kids in their late teens. I couldn’t drop out because my accommodation at the time was conditional on being enrolled. If you drop out you have two weeks to move out. Basically everything I earned had to go back into rent / living expenses. Student accommodation was cheaper than rent in the city. I was basically trapped and then in the pandemic I couldn’t work part time anymore. I had an incident where a building security staff broke into my apartment ment and tried to enter my room. The management tried to pretend it didn’t happen but eventually had to admit. But there were no consequences for the guy and he was back working 5 days later. So I basically ended up spending all the money I had and an overdraft and a small loan.
So basically everything has been really bad. Obviously the pandemic lasted for forever I moved back to my abusive parents and ended up having to live in a women’s shelter because they broke my laptop so I couldn’t work, and didn’t let me leave.
The women’s shelter system is also kind of a trap (though it saved my life), because you’re forced to go on benefits which are calculated based on a “rent”. You have to live on £350 a month and you’re placed in a random part of the country in a secret location. I had no money so it took 6 months of living in isolation and remote working while part time studying to afford to move out.
Then again I had no money had to waitress and babysit to fund internships. And while on paper I was building a good CV everything was a struggle. I always had only £30. It’s not because of mismanagement either, it was just that by this point I was going to be on net zero no matter what I did. I also am trapped in a bad renting situation because - I don’t have landlord references, I don’t have a guarantor, my salary isn’t 2.5x monthly rent, I’m still a student so can’t be employed full time, and I can’t pay 3 months of rent upfront as an alternative to all of the above. Those are just standard requirements to rent.
I got a talent scholarship to get a masters degree (the only way to move upwards in the industry - and not just for the certificate but the skills which require professional software which I taught myself through free trials). When I joined I was accused of getting a professor to do my work because I’d genuinely worked so hard on my skills that they were more advanced than the students who studied architecture for 5 years. But at the end of the day, I still had to work every day in order not to be homeless, since the scholarship only covers part of tuition and there are no funding options for masters students. I’m still doing the best in my class but my tiny laptop can’t hold the software.
Recently I found out that the schools finance team made an accounts error and I have to pay an extra £1,100 of tuition. Actually just before I joined in October I noticed an error in one of my enrolment docs. I reached out to them twice to make sure that it didn’t have to pay £1,100. They said it was incorrect.
Well now I have no money but I owe the school. I need to see a dentist, but I don’t have insurance. I’m still in my overdraft, and rent is due. This is financially rock bottom even though the opportunity to study has opened so many doors. I don’t know what to do.

Monokuma MOVESET
Heavyweight with 2 jumps and a crawl
GIMMICK
Every time Monokuma gets attacked with a non-projectile attack Monokuma has a 1/61 chance to blow up instantly killing him but does tons of damage and knockback to any opponents nearby.
Basic Attacks
Jab: 1000 Blows (Jab: Mono Hits a baseball Rapid Jab: Baseball Gun used on leon)
Good damage and can flinch but no knockback and can be reflected
(Leon’s punishment Trigger Happy Havoc)
Dash: Beast Monokuma (Mono Charges forward as a dangerous beast monokuma unit)
Great Damage but decent end lag
(Beast Monokuma Units UDG)
Side Tilt: Skeleton Key (Mono Charges Key and turns it)
Two hit move. The stage does minimal damage but insures opponents
(Skeleton key used by Kyoko in Trigger Happy Havoc)
Up tilt: Mega Scepter (Points Scepter Above him as wind comes out of it’s top)
Weak Damage But Does Amazing Upwards KnockBack
(Mega Monokuma Bomb)
Down Tilt: Punishment Slam (Monokuma Slams Hammer on ground)
small flinching damage with end lag but has a 25% chance to bury and spikes if it hits someone off stage
(What happens every punishment time)
Side Smash: Take Off (A Rocket appears in front of Monokuma that flies up before crashing down)
Is a command grab and Does Great Damage but no real knockback and leaves mono from behind
(First Punishment we have seen)
Up Smash: Junkuma (Monokuma Jumps Up)
Does Great Knockback but leaves him vulnerable
(Junk Monokuma Leaping attack UDG)
Down Smash: Playtime (Monokuma Gets a random monokub and spins them around)
Does Great Damage And hits on both sides
(Monokubs and the icon spinning thing parents do with kids)
Aerials
Neutral Air: Death By Hurricane (Monokuma Spins around)
Mid damage but spikes
(When Monokuma mentions all executions and talks about death by hurricane)
F Air: Aura Aura (Monokuma Punches super fast in front of himself)
Multiple flinching hits of damage before ending with a spike
(An attack used on Monomi)
B Air: Gas Chamber (Monokuma slides backwards as foam come out his mouth)
No real knockback but has a chance to poison
(When Monokuma mentions all executions and talks about death by gas chamber)
Up Air: Sakura Defense (Monokuma Kicks Up)
Does Great Damage and Spikes
(Move Monokuma used on sakura in trigger happy havoc)
Down Air: Beasts Pounce (Monokuma turns into a beast Monokuma and pounces down to the ground)
Acts like the last half of incineror’s up special.
(Death animation when you die from beast Monokuma in UDG)
Grabs
Grab: Grabs opponent with Chain used before exections
Pummel: Drags Opponent on ground
F Throw: Grabs Opponent by the throat and puts a bomb on their chest before throwing them forward
(When Mondo throws Monokuma)
B Throw: Drags the opponent backwards before running forward
(Animation before every punishment)
Up Throw: Sirens Appear above monokuma before a bunch of units appear and dogpile the opponent
(Siren Monokuma Units and ending to almost every boss battle in UDG)
Down Throw: Monokuma pilots an excavator and crushes opponent with it (can bury)
(Alter Egos punishment)
Specials + Gimmicks
A Lot of things to mention with the special. First You might have guessed but I watch brawlfan1 including his mono moveset so a lot of these moves are gonna be similar. Speaking of which just like brawl fan suggested these are going to be randomized but fill the same general role. Except down special which will kinda work as a miscellaneous collection
Neutral Special: Despair Bullet
Number 1: Mono Spits out A Pile Of Trash (can poison and does mid damage reference to ball monokumas) 2: Monokuma Holds his staff as a monokuma bomb comes out (Acts like a homing projectile for 3 seconds before exploding. To reference its role in the boss fight if the foe hits it with a strong enough attack it will target the next closest foe which could be monokuma. From there it acts the same but can’t be hit back more then twice) 3: Monokuma Throws a Grenade (acts the same as snakes with the difference it does more damage to monokuma if hes hit by his bombs then snake gets if hes hit by his) References the bomber Monokuma units) 4: Mono Throws a crystal ball (does strong damage but no knockback. References the first kill by leon) 5: Mono Shoots out robot wasps out of a gun (can be held down to shoot out more wasps. Does small flinching damage and has a 1/10 chance to poison. References wild west insecticide) 6: Mono Throws Out Salt (acts like ice climbers down b references the cultural mixing pot)
Side Special: Despair Ride
Number 1: Monokuma Rides A Bike (acts like wario's side b with the added benefit that if it hits an opponent there is a 50% chance they drop butter which acts like an average consumable. And you can still use the side special if you leave the bike. Referencing mondos punishment) Number 2: Mono Rides a giant fist (Does Good damage but mid damage reference to bye bye ouchies) Number 3: Mono Drives A Fire Truck (Standard Gravity affected charge special lasts a second but when i say gravity affected i mean charges toward the ground and is uncancelable in the air so you better hope you were high up when you use this. Can also burn opponents. Reference to celeste ludenberg’s punishment) Number 4: Mono Rides A Robot Bison (Works like Pit's Side B with out the final Uppercut. Reference to Gundhan’s punishment) Number 5: Mono Rides Peko as she slashes forward (Acts like a weaker version of Mythra’s side b references one woman army) Number 6: Mono Rides A pac man robot (Works like pac man's side b. Reference to please insert coin)
Up Special: Despair Elevation
Number 1: A Rope appears tied over monos neck raising him up before a spiked wall flies into him (A decent amount of elevation but no control. Also the raising of monokuma doesn’t do damage, only the spiked wall does. A reference to Kaede’s punishment) Number 2: Monokuma Grows wings and flies upwards (works like pit’s up special) Number 3: Mono gets a jetpack and flies up (works like robs up b) Number 4: Mono Flings a vine over head (Basic tether recovery with one major difference. If you use the move in the air without grabbing anything the vine will break and cause monokuma to fall where he acts as a projectile. A reference to the strand of agony) Number 5: Monokuma will blow up as another Monokuma comes out riding a giant bug as it spins holding out scythes (acts like wario's up special with less height but way more damage. References wild west insecticide) Number 6: Monokuma Turns into a rocket and slightly goes up before he drills below himself (acts like ganon's wizard foot in the air. If right next to the ledge then it can grab on but this is mainly meant to troll. Much like the reference of the second ignition)
Down Special: Random Despair
Number 1: Monokuma wears a riot shield for 10 seconds which blocks all attacks from the front reference to guard monokuma units. Number 2: Monokuma Gets Electrocuted acting like pikachus thunder reference to the first thing monokuma mentions when he talks about possible executions. Number 3: Monokuma flails his arms and if any one attacks him they get attacked by the spears of Gungnir basic counter referencing the fate of Mukuro. Number 4: Landmine acts like snakes and a reference for mono’s tenacity for explosions. Number 5: Monokuma Drives a tank acting like foxes old final smash with the land master though 3 times less likely to happen as the other options reference to please insert coin. Number 6: Monokuma Raises into the air before turning into a crane holding a random tetris block where you can move left and right for 1 second before the crane drops the block doing tons of damage if it hits a foe before the crane raises into the air where monokuma takes its place reference to please insert coin. Number 7: Monokuma blows up instantly killing him but does tons of damage and knockback to any opponents nearby.
Final Smash: Ultimate Despair
There are 2 ways i see this final smash so i’ll say the one i perfer then i’ll say the one thats actually likely. The move starts with a chain either way and if any one gets hit by the chain they’ll be dragged off stage before the cinematic starts. The first option has it personallized to the characters. Not like what brawlfan1 suggested but rather each character in a category. The space characters get sent into space with the rocket before exploding, The villains get killed by the hero, vice versa for the protagonists, the princesses get killed by a dummy version of the hero and so on. The second option is junkos punishment having all of the punishments from the first game happen before finishing with the final blow of the white board. Either way it's a guaranteed stock loss.
Cosmetics
Costumes
Base Of Black And White
Pink and white (monokub and Monomi)
Black and black (Kurokuma)
White and White (Monomi true form)
White and white with red details (Leons punishment)
Orange with black stripes (Mondos punishment)
Red with orange details (Celestes punishment)
Black with brown details (Detention)
Stage intro
A giant pedestal appears where Monokuma jumps from behind it
Taunts
Monokuma guzzling some honey
Monokuma Standing over a pile of money
Monokuma Swinging around a glass of wine
Visual gimmick when Monokuma wins it shows the character who lost portrait with a giant x over it instead of them clapping
Also if Monokuma loses it shows him wearing glasses
Victory Animations
Nothing appears on screen before a stomp happens where the camera pans up to see a giant Monokuma wearing a crown (Big Bang Monokuma)
Monokuma Grabs the camera before swallowing it causing static to appear (What you get when you win)
Junko appears laughing maniacally

I asked this sub awhile back for some advice and you guys overwhelming delivered, the best feedback I’ve ever gotten! Well now I’m back, I’m not sure if I’m being sensitive about my job or if I should leave.
Too make the long story short, I work for my dads (the owner) company, essentially his right hand and my mom (formally HR) retired back in 2022 and is my main source of childcare while I work, I am beyond grateful for what they both do. However I feel my relationship with my dad is deteriorating. For one, I help oversee projects, schedule, and invoicing. My main source of responsibilities is running payroll, benefits, ordering materials, sending out bids, taking off jobs, and handling bills. I’ll also add that I have to handle his email, he never checks it. We are also in survival mode right now as the company owes quite a bit of money to a lot of people, IRS, stock vendors and other taxes. We are a construction labor shop, this industry is pretty unstable at times but the last few years have been steadily declining as work slows up and the owner has not made any changes to overhead even though I’ve tried to point the declining work out to him.
I’ve had my hands full since I came back from mat leave (dec. 2022) literally came back and this man decides to take multiple vacations, take days off left and right leaving me to do everything. I’m human and make mistakes here and there but it seems like since I’ve become a mom I can’t keep organized, I forget things or mess up on payroll. It makes me feel like shit but it doesn’t help that he constantly brings up my “pregnancy brain”. he actually said today in response to me messing something up “you used to be on top of it for yourself and even me but now your pregnancy brain has thrown us for a loop”
I feel like an utter failure, I don’t want to stay here for numerous reasons but shit like this makes me feel like I can’t be successful anywhere else. I didn’t sign up to run a whole company and also make nothing for it. 10 years here and I only make 56k annually, the only way I can apparently make money is sell jobs but that’s just adding another thing to my plate and I don’t care for sales. Am I being irrational or overly sensitive? I just don’t feel accomplished

I’ve been wanting to get into smoking but never could bring myself to shell out all that money for a decent smoker but I got lucky today! Someone in my neighborhood was giving away Blazn Grill (the smaller one) so I jumped on it without knowing what I got. I looked it up and saw the price tag and was surprised! The previous owner said he could never get into smoking so he barely used it. He did say that the starter isn’t working.
How important is it to get the starter fixed? If it’s only purpose to ignite the pellets then I should be good with just igniting it myself until I get it fixed, right?
Also, as a complete newbie to smoking what is the first thing I should be doing? Cleaning it will obviously come first. What’s next? What kind of pellets should I be looking at? A good pieces of meat to start with? Thanks for any help!

I would have chosen "Venting" for my flair but it did not appear as an option. This is NOT a "seeking" post so cubs, DO NOT DM me if we don't already know each other. I will just delete it. Here is my "disappointment" story:
I am a Cougar (51F) and I posted my info on one of the "seeking" posts in the appropriate subreddit a couple of weeks ago. I specifically said that I was looking to meet a cub within 2 hours driving distance of me for a FWB type relationship. I am poly with a couple of partners but no one with this specific dynamic. Of course I got quite a few messages and I hit it off really well with one guy - but he lives 5 hours drive from me. To me, this was actually NBD because I don't mind road trips. He drives a lot for work so if HE came to see ME, he wanted to fly. Ok - fine.
I should have looked up the dates before I started typing so forgive the vagueness. But I texted quite a bit with this guy over the course of about 2 weeks and we talked on the phone once for 4 hours. It felt like we had a unique connection and there was definitely mutual attraction there. He told me he was "talking with" one other Cougar he met on Reddit and they had met for lunch once but it wasn't serious. So...I was getting excited to meet him and see if we vibes as well in person as we did via text and phone. We started planning for me to visit him on Memorial Day Weekend.
Then last week (I believe) he texted me to ask if I had bought tickets or made reservations yet. He said he had had lunch with the other woman - who lives within 2 hours of him - and she asked if they could be exclusive and he said "yes." Of course this is his choice and I respected it, but I DID ask some questions because I felt like it came out if nowhere. I said something like, "You are willing to be exclusive with someone you have met only twice and not even made out with?" To which he replied, "I never said we hadn't made out." OH. Okay. That's a bit different. 😞
I told him I was disappointed and that I felt like he had downplayed his interest in the other woman when getting to know me. But I had NOT made any reservations so I wasn't out any money. Then - he blocked my cell number, and blocked me on Instagram AND Reddit! Holy crap! That just felt mean and unnecessary!!
So I shook it off (took a couple of days) and went on with my life. Started talking with another cub from Reddit - again - he is a 2 hour PLANE ride away but not a quick car trip. Hmmm. I have tried to take it slower with this guy. We have also been communicating for about 2 weeks now, and the first week he seemed very enthusiastic, but then over the past weekend he was busy and I didn't hear much from him. I asked on Sunday night what he had been up to and he said mostly going out and drinking beer with friends. Cool, sounds like fun.
So today we are texting and I asked him if he wanted to talk about planning for me to visit him. He said he was stressed from work, not in the mood to talk about it, can we talk later. His waning interest feels familiar so I asked point blank if he has started to date someone local. He said he has met a couple of people but isn't dating them. I asked if he was interested in one in particular and he said yes, but he hasn't made a move. So - my Spidey sense is tingling big time. Part of the problem is that I am poly so I don't think starting to date someone is a reason not to meet someone else. But he has told me that eventually he wants to find a wife and get married and be monogamous. The SOONEST I could go for a visit would be June 7 which is over 2 weeks away. And if he is anything like that other guy, he will probably have a girlfriend by then. 😠
So... I get it. Dating can suck. I'm an adult and I can handle disappointment. But I'm not sure how to guard against this SAME thing happening again!! Some ideas: don't even agree to TALK to guys who live more than 2 hours drive from me, stop talking to younger men because 2 weeks seems like forever to them and I usually need a minimum of 2 weeks to plan a visit.
Cubs - if you are reading this, can you PLEASE avoid being like these 2 guys? I made it CLEAR what I was looking for, where I live, etc. These guys acted like they were interested in spite of the distance but basically ditched me for people who are more immediately accessible. If you only want to date local people, that's totally fine and your choice, but for Pete's sake, don't start talking to someone who lives far away and requires planning to see if you can't wait 2 weeks to meet them!!
Ok - end of ranting/venting. Please be kind in the comments. I would appreciate hearing different perspectives. Ideas to avoid this in the future?

Okay, so for this post there are a lot of people involved (this has been going on for a while) so I'll list up here who's who. This is my wife's family. I'll be using code names when appropriate:
Father-in-law - FIL
Mother-in-law - MIL
Wife(oldest daughter) - Wife
Second daughter - Sarah
Third daughter - Lana
Fourth daughter - Ruth
Second daughter's husband - BIL
Third daughter's fiancee - Karl
My daughter - daughter
Second daughter's older son - Danny
Second daughter's younger son - Aaron
And me as me
I know this is long but bear with me TL;DR Brother-in-law has snapped the last straw for the family and we are all starting to cut ties with him

 BIL's family has their own side of the story that I'm barely familiar with, so it won't be brought up here. We first met BIL way before they got together; Sarah bought a house as a group of friends with her boyfriend at the time, and BIL and his second wife at the time. We didn't interact with him much. We just heard a few stories about him from their friend group. Eventually this situation broke down and BIL and his second wife left and vandalized Sarah's home on the way out. They let their dogs poop all over the floor, stole some miscellaneous items, poured water in their lawn mower gas tank, etc. He did this to Sarah, his future third wife. We thought this guy was out of our lives forever. Sarah eventually came to stay on my couch after she sold the house. She lived with me and my wife for roughly 3 months. Then she went and rented an apartment a few miles away. No sooner than a few weeks did we find out she was dating future BIL, and a few weeks after that we found she was pregnant. He met the family and stated that he wanted to be a part of it. He blamed all his past transgressions on his second wife. We questioned him at the time if he was still with his second wife. He said no, and that he was officially divorced. My wife looked up the public court records and found out that he didn't file divorce papers until 11 days after we asked that question. A small lie but considering our history of knowing him it was concerning. BIL is a big gun enthusiast. About 1 months after they told us Sarah was pregnant, while cleaning a gun at home he shot himself in the hand. Again, we were concerned but Sarah assured us he was a changed man and this was just an unfortunate accident. His hand healed but he didn't do his physical therapy that seriously so his hand is still kind of jacked up. I feel this is important because he kind of has a history of not following through on what he says. During Sarah's pregnancy we found out that BIL seriously beat one of their dogs back when they bought the house together. We also figured out he diagnosed himself with bipolar, but refused to go to a doctor to get an actual diagnosis. The whole family at the time was distracted by all of this because during Sarah's pregnancy my wife went through a major medical struggle that resulted in multiple surgeries and a months-long stay in the hospital. We were so focused on that the BIL details just kind of came and went at that moment. Sarah gave birth to Danny during COVID lockdown. We were so excited and we all were very active in Danny's life. Time would pass and we just kind of got used to BIL being despite the fact that he often would miss family events. BIL and Sarah would move into a house on my in-laws property just down the road from in-laws house. MIL became their primary caregiver as she could work it around her job and still make decent money. As 4 years have passed my MIL, FIL, Lana, my Wife and I all take shifts of watching their now 2 kids for them, for free. MIL also watches my daughter but significantly less that their son's. 2 years would pass after Danny was born and everything seemed OK. There would just be hints in they way he talked about who he really was. He would say something in casual conversation like "man, there seems like there are too many black people in commercials these days" or "I don't know why we are forcing women's sports to be a thing." Bigoted stuff like that, but veiled enough so there was plausible deniability. I would often call him out on it, so he really grew to not like me. This all changed at his 30th bday. He had a big party with a lot of alcohol and weed with dozens of friends. My wife and I didn't go because we are not party people. Lana and Ruth went to the party. Sarah was also there. During this party BIL went outside and decided to "mud" his jeep through the creek beside their house. This was possibly with Karl but I'm not sure of that to this day. Karl has recently come into the picture prior to this event and was previously friends with BIL for a long time. The jeep got stuck and flooded for obvious reasons. After trying to get it out of the creek by multiple means, they gave up and left it there. I believe it took almost 2 days to get it out. He went back to the party and as everyone got progressively drunk and high, my 2 sister-in-laws Lana and Ruth (I believe) criticized BIL for getting his car stuck in a creek while playing. BIL verbally assaulted them and demanded they get out of his house. They left in tears. They drove separately, and Lana had gotten buzzed so they both got in Ruth's car and drove to my house. They sat and vented to my wife and I for a while, and eventually I offered that we should go do something fun to take their minds off of it. My wife and I drove them to Taco Bell and we got some food and drove around town for a while and made jokes in the car. After they cooled off and were in a better mood they said that Lana needed to go get her car from the party. In a flurry she accidentally left her keys inside her sister's and BIL's house. We drove them over just in case anything sketchy happened but Lana and Ruth didn't want us to go inside, so we waited out in the car. She didn't think it would be a big deal to walk in, but as her and Ruth did BIL immediately got in her face and demanding she gets out or else. Ruth went to talk to someone else at the party and didn't notice this at first. BIL shoved Lana against a wall and held her there. Everyone apparently stood in stunned silence as this happened. He then shoved her to the ground, grabbed her around the ankles and started pulling her across the floor. As he was threatening to do even worse, Ruth ran up and jumped on his back and gave him a head lock. She screamed at him to stop but before BIL could anything about this everyone finally woke up and pulled them apart. Ruth helped Lana up and they ran out of the house onto the front porch sobbing. My wife saw this and got out of the car and yelled at them to get back in our car. We drove up to the in-laws house. By then it was past midnight. MIL was about an hour away working her job and FIL was up in his room asleep. The sisters went and woke him up and explained the situation through tears. They also called MIL to inform her of the situation. He got ready and ask me to go with him down to the house to get some answers. The sisters stayed up at the house. We drove down in his car and when we got out the entire party was ready for us and greeted us at the car. Literally over a dozen people, most of whom I did not recognize started screaming what happened at both of us simultaneously. Everyone was clearly very drunk. FIL looked overwhelmed, so I raised my hands and tried asking everyone to stop for a second and go one by one telling their bit of the story. BIL stopped me mid sentence and pointed his finger in my face. I noticed he had his other hand on a holstered hand gun. He yelled out "You don't have a say here! You're barely even part of this family." For context, I had been with my wife for over 11 years at that time and he hadn't even married Sarah yet and had been there about 2 1/2 years. FIL backed up and told me that I need to stop talking and that I was being a problem. I backed off and went over the yard to Sarah and Karl. I asked Sarah what happened and she told me that she didn't see what happened and that she wasn't very aware of what was going on now. Karl would barely answer the same question. I walked back over to FIL but he told me to back off and that I really wasn't needed there. Admittedly I felt pretty insulted and just decided to walk back to his house and get my car and go home with my wife. We eventually left after FIL came back to the house. We found out later that BIL had pulled his gun out and threatened to kill himself if FIL didn't leave. Out of fear of what he would do, my in-laws were pretty afraid to take action at this point. A lot of the situation was his word against someone else's and Sarah went on a tour around to the friends and convinced them not to take any of this to the police. She then tried to smooth things over with the family and offered that BIL would apologize to everyone. He then refused, stating that Ruth was the real aggressor and that she assaulted him. He eventually agreed to apologize to just FIL for causing a problem and I think some half-hearted apologies to Lana and Ruth. The whole situation was swept under the rug but an unease has existed over the family since then. He stopped coming to family events pretty much altogether. About 4 months after this situation, prior to my daughter being born, he told MIL he was going to bring Danny up to their house so she could watch him for a few hours while he took a nap. His job works long hours so this wasn't out of the ordinary. However, he didn't show up for a while and my MIL started questioning what going on. She called but there was no answer. She drove down to his house and knocked but there wasn't an answer, only Danny crying in the background. She let herself in and found BIL asleep on the couch with Danny actively trying to wake him up. MIL tried to wake him up but nothing for a few minutes. She gave up and wrote a note to let him know where Danny was. BIL didn't notice Danny was gone for 2 hours. He finally woke up, drove up to in-laws house, and yelled at my MIL for just taking Danny without informing him. He took Danny and then left. A few months after that, after my daughter was born, He fell asleep while watching Danny again. This time we found out because when he woke up the front door was open and Danny was gone. He called in-laws for help finding him. My in-laws have a large property (about 200 acres) with a ton of it forested. Danny wandered 1/4 of a mile into the woods and I believe it took roughly a little over an hour to find him. Family questioned him hard this time but he just recoiled back into their house and didn't talk to us much. Sarah continued to defend him and said it was just an accident. Again the police were not notified about any of this. There was always this idea that if we went to authorities about any of this they would just run for it. They would then surprise everyone with the news that they were pregnant again, despite the fact that Sarah had used the morning after pill. This whole time they hadn't married yet. They announced that they were getting married but Sarah told Lana that it was mostly just to help BIL not have to go through bankruptcy a second time. I wasn't sure if this would do anything to help that situation, but that's what Sarah said at one point leading up to the wedding. About a month before the wedding, however, he threatened Sarah that if she insisted on inviting my wife to the wedding he would demand to invite a friend of his that Sarah hated. This friend also used to date BIL I believe. This was his ploy to force Sarah to not invite my Wife or me. The 2 other sisters and MIL all stood in solidarity with us and said that they would also not go if we weren't invited. He eventually relented and they got married a little before Aaron was born. As more kids were added, MIL's childcare duties got much harder. Eventually my wife and I started paying her (not much but something at least. $150 a month) to watch our daughter, but we also did chores for her, bought her food often, and eventually my Wife started taking a few shifts to watch all 3 children. To date, BIL and Sarah have never compensated any of us for our work. It's a little frustrating but we've tried to understand because Sarah and BIL seem to be bad with money. They objectively make more than us yet can't afford to pay MIL anything. Last Thanksgiving, in the middle of dinner, Sarah and BIL decided to have an "intervention" and talk about how we were not treating BIL fairly. They addressed everybody but really honed in on me specifically. This seemed to be because the rest of the family kind of dance in eggshells around them, while to be frank I'm pretty honest about how I feel about them. They seemed to think I was causing the family to turn against him and questioned why I would do that. I told him he lacked humility. He said he didn't understand. I told him that if he admitted to his mistakes and actually apologized about any of the stuff I previously wrote, instead of blaming everyone and everything else then the whole family would feel a bit different about him. A lot of talk was about the 30th b-day and other times when I just ignored him and how he had already apologized about the party. I reminded him that he didn't apologize to most of the family and he blamed Ruth. He then stated that Ruth was the cause of a lot of the problems at that party. He also made a big deal about how the family doesn't trust him with my daughter and kept emphasizing how he has never held her. We finally tried to come to an agreement. I told him I would try to talk to him more and try to understand him better and he said he would try to come to family events more. He also wanted more of a relationship with my daughter. We left and my wife and I were skeptical but we said that if this is who Sarah really wanted to be with, as long as BIL wasn't perceived as a threat he could have more contact with our daughter. We have had way more of a relationship with his kids than he has had with our daughter so I tried to sympathize with that imbalance. Karl also stated later that having known BIL for a long time, he thought he was very sincere. To date, BIL has not asked or tried at any family events to spend any time with my daughter, despite having numerous opportunities. Now to the current situation. About a month ago Lana and Karl announced that Lana was pregnant. This was a revelation due to Lana having a medical condition that made it harder to get pregnant. A lot of excitement was brewing in the family because of this. Karl has been seeming like a good partner to Lana, and proposed to her a little before the pregnancy happened. This is especially pertinent because Lana and Karl moved into a house together right beside BIL and Sarah. A few days ago they were over at Sarah and BIL's house when an argument broke out between Sarah and BIL. BIL demanded that Sarah wasn't an "obedient enough wife" and that if she wanted there marriage to work then she was going to have to get better at serving him. She was upset and they weren't coming to an agreement so he was going to leave, but apparently he was very high so Sarah refused to give him the keys to his car. He got extremely mad and then got a gun, held it to his head, and threatened to kill himself if she didn't hand over the keys. Fortunately, Danny and Aaron were taking a nap during all of this. Sarah called the police during this whole exchange and the operator heard a lot of what BIL said over the phone so based on that they arrived at the house. He apparently drove away and it took the police a bit to find him but once they did he turned himself over. They admitted him to a mandatory 72-hour stay at a psychiatric ward for a mental health assessment. Sarah then came up to the rest of the family (not me or my Wife) and gave them Danny and Aaron. She then went and confided with Lana and Karl about how abusive BIL had been and how life was just miserable right now. A lot of us, especially Karl and my in-laws, were telling her that she needs to leave BIL and file for emergency custody of her children. She seemed to be listening to us and turning a corner, but inexplicably the psychiatric ward allowed BIL to have a phone call with Sarah and they had a long conversation. Suddenly, Sarah shut us all out and completely changed her story. She started defending BIL again. BIL was then let out of the psychiatric ward a day early. Since Karl was working at the time, Lana came to stay with us and then over at her in-laws. We are especially concerned about her safety around BIL due to her being pregnant. They have since cut nearly all contact with us for 4 days now. They have only told Karl that they were getting a new TV because the old one mysteriously broke somehow. They have continued to post on social media like nothing has happened. They have spent 2 days with BIL's family so we aren't sure what their opinion of this is, though we do know a sibling of his has also told Sarah to leave him prior to this latest situation. We don't know what their plans for childcare is because they are wholly reliant upon us. Lana is very reluctant to ever be home alone. Ruth is as well. There are so many other details I haven't mentioned. There have been holes in walls they've had to fix. There is some evidence that BIL is cheating on Sarah, but that evidence is somewhat inconclusive. The bigoted comments for a while now have gotten increasingly misogynistic. It's a lot of 'we need to respect proper gender roles' kind of stuff. There's just too much and I've already written a book on here. I don't really know what to do at this point. Because a lot of this stuff has been swept under the rug it's hard to tell how seriously CPS or police would take our claims. FIL has threatened to kick them out of their very cheap rental they're in now. Who knows what they would do in that scenario. I know this post is detailed and because of that BIL or Sarah might see it, but at this point I wonder if I even give a shit. They've already eluded to keeping their sons from us in the past and the vibes we are getting now is that they are already doing it. And from the bottom of my heart, fuck BIL. 

Hi all,
Haven't made a post here before, but I'm looking for advice I can give to my little brother and his girlfriend.
They purchased property about 4 years ago for $30k cash in hopes to build a house. Covid put a wrench in those plans, and I guess they are selling it for $90k. Sale is supposed to go through in a couple weeks. The buyer is financing. Not sure if that has analysis implications for my brother.
They are gonna start looking for a house, now that they will have a pretty good chunk of change for a down payment. As far as I know they have virtually no bills. They live with my parents, didn't go to school so no student loans, my brother drives a beater so no car payment.
What would you guys recommend they do with the money in the meantime? I was thinking a hysa, but I'm not good with money, so I don't want to give them any advice without getting some opinions from you guys. We didn't come from money, so I want to give them some info so they can make the best choice for their future.
They probably won't be buying for another year, as my brother recently started a different job and will receive a 1099. Think they said he has to have a year of income in order for them to secure a loan? She works full time, w2 employee.
Again, I'm not good eoth money. Of some of what I said makes no sense, please feel free to correct me.
Thanks in advance guys!

I hope nobody else is doing this. And I hope you enjoy it because this is not going to be a regular occurrence. This season of German football was just too good to not write up. So let’s go over some storylines.
Bayer Leverkusen: 50. Fucking. Matches. Unbeaten. Do you realize how impressive that is? The fact that it was Never-kusen to do it is insane. Mostly down to Xavi Alonso being the next elite manager. He completely changed the Bayer team. Grimaldo, Frimpong, Wirtz, Boniface, Stanisic, Schick, Tapsoba. The building blocks of a title winning team. Congrats, boys, you saved German football. If you win this treble, it will be one of the greatest stories in football history. You ended the Bayern monopoly after years of stagnation. The goal now will be to keep the gang together. Alonso has already thwarted attempts for Bayern, Liverpool, and Madrid to sign him. The squad remains the big question. It’s not about whether key players will be sold, it’s about which ones.
Stuttgart: The amount of times I’ve double taked on 2nd place is comical. This team was fighting relegation last season. They only survived because they won the pro-rel playoff. Now they’re playing Champions League football next campaign. Guirassy surely was the story of the season. Deniz Undav regained his spot with Streets Won't Forget FC after his redemption campaign. Jee Woo-Yeong was a rock in midfield. Alex Nubel kept the ball out of the next making him a prime candidate as the next great German goalkeeper. More credit is due to their manager, Sebastian Hoeneß. Yes I Googled his name and copy and pasted it. The man got this team into the Champions League, a massive achievement for this club. A brilliant mind like that surely warrants a payday. Please don't let him get poached by Bayern.
Bayern Munich: An absolutely appalling season by the standards set in previous regimes. You have to understand, though. This Bayern was COOKED from the start. Thomas Tuchel bitched and moaned about Joshua Kimmich and Leon Goretzka's uselessness in a double pivot. He wanted a new No. 6. In the end, the Bayern board decided to use all their transfer funds on Harry Kane. The ROI on that move has been as advertised, with Kane only posting his best statistical season ever. The downside: Bayern went trophyless. You are reading that correctly. Not only that, they finished 3rd. Tuchel beefed with key players like Matthjs de Ligt and Kim Minjae. Injuries to guys like Gnabry and Coman also crippled the depth. Leroy Sane proved to be good strictly in the Champions League. Alphonso Davies was great but non-committal on his future in Munich. Eric Dier was brought in on loan and became a critical player in the second half of the season. Yes, that Eric Dier. It's now Kingsley Coman's first season without a league title since 2014. The Champions League could've been great, had it not been been for some fishy calls made in Real Madrid's favor in the semis, but it was not an elite team. Now they must truly rebuild, and first step is finding Tuchel's replacement. Which...nobody seems too keen on taking this job. The expectations are too high, and the rebuild is just too massive. You feel stupid for sacking Julian Nagelsmann now?
RB Leipzig: It was a growing year for the Red Bulls after bringing in so many new faces. Xavi Simons, Lois Openda, and Benjamin Sesko certainly excite but they are highly inconsistent. Openda still posted 24 goals across the season, with Sesko adding 14. Simons with 11 asissts was massive. Defensively, they were much more sound. Willy Orban managed to lock down the backline, finally. Mohamed Siamakan took large strides forward. Benjamin Heinrichs cemented himself as one of the lowkey ballers in Europe. The problem still remains doing it for longer. They were constantly hovering between 5th and 4th this season, and luckily results picked up at the back-end of the season to cement another season of European football. Marco Rose bought himself another season, where hopefully he will be able to shape the team to his liking. Stalwarts like Dani Olmo and Youssef Poulson might be moved on to generate funds. Leipzig clearly has ambitions now that the Bayern monopoly is on life support.
Dortmund: This team is a goddam headache. What the hell do you mean they made the Champions League Final and beat PSG convincingly to get there? Dortmund did that indeed. Their league form has been absolutely mid. They can string together some results but clearly lack the guile necessary to mount a title challenge. Or even a Pokal contention. But this is the current holder of the Vibes FC badge. Julian Brandt was the driving force of this team. He only had 15 goal involvements all season, but his passing was critical to set up the play. Niklas Fullkrug capitalized on his newfound status as the leader at the top. Gregor Kobel backstopped an otherwise leaky defense made up of aging Mats Hummels and the fat version of Niklas Sule. Jadon Sancho got exiled from Manchester United and came home. He wasn't the 20 and 20 player but he showed glimpses. Karim Adeyemi also took massive strides forward. Other standouts include Jamie Bynoe-Gittens becoming the next English player to develop abroad. Even if you don't win the UCL final, you managed to get Germany the 5th UCL qualifying spot.
Eintracht Frankfurt: Frankfurt's problems can boil down to a very simple reason: no real replacements. They lost Kolo Muani, Lindstrom, N'Dicka, and Kamada all in one summer window. The biggest loss was Oliver Glasner stepping down last year. Yet, they managed to get back into Europa League. Omar Marmoush only potted 12 goals across the season. The rest of it came down to collective effort. Ansgar Knauff showed some potential but is still too raw. Mario Gotze is still here and was already slowing down last year. This campaign all but confirmed it. Robin Koch fled the relegation of Leeds United to return to the German national team as their lead defender and a national team call-up. Kevin Trapp is still managing to keep himself under the radar but was still important for Frankfurt's fortunes. Dino Toppmöller deserves praise for this coaching job. Now the question will be is can he do it again?
Hoffenheim: Congrats, boys, you're going back to Europe. The Conference League should be an ample test of your mettle and growth as a club. But who are we kidding? For those who don't know, Hoffeheim are one of the few German clubs that benefit from a wealthy owner. 50+1 always has loopholes, and Deitmar Hopp has been willing to spend to get his club back into the big time. It hasn't worked to the extent some might hope, but it is indeed progress. A 32-year-old Andrej Kramaric was one of their standout players, and a mentor for young striker Max Beier. Both posted 14-goal seasons, enough to carry Hoffenheim up the table. USMNT fans got to watch the John Brooks redemption story. There were times where this team was outclassed by lesser opponents, though. Doesn't spell good for the next season.
Heidenheim: Bayer Leverkusen were the feel-good story of the season, but honorable mention goes to Heidenheim. Winning both the 3rd and 2nd division title is nice and all, but the Bundesliga is not the lower tiers. It's all good, though. A solid mix of German vets and young players created a hungry squad with a point to prove. Most would say a 2. Bundesliga club should focus solely on survival. Heidenheim said fuck that, let's shoot for a European spot. They just barely missed out but this is a massive step forward. Please for the love of all that is holy capitalize on the moment.
Werder Bremen: The club image restoration campaign continues. Werder is a former Bundesliga champion that has dropped to such a low they were in the 2. Liga just a few seasons ago. Since then they had relied on Niklas Fullkrug to carry them to survival. This latest finish is a massive improvement. Now without Fullkrug, they are carried by a rag tag group of German, Danish, Belgian, and American players. Ninth place will at least be a building block to getting back to cultural and football relevance. I wouldn't expect them to suddenly be a contender, though.
Freiburg: Christian Streich is usually applauded for the work he has done to keep Freiburg afloat in the top flight. This was another fruitful season, even if it seems anti-climatic. They had multiple players put 7 goals or more. Vincenzo Grifo was the top scorer, a midfielder, but added 8 helpers in addition. What more is there to say? The club is still fighting for its return to European competition after a pretty brutal time in the Europa gulag. Congrats, boys, you are now the West Ham of Germany.
Augsburg: Sorry you had to be Leverkusen's whipping boys on the final matchday, but someone had to be sacrificed for the Invincible run. Augsburg should feel lucky they finished 11th. 15 losses usually spells trouble, but they were rescued by clutch scoring from Ermedin Demirovic. It's better than previous seasons but don't you feel just a little bad about getting rid of Ricardo Pepi now? He won the Dutch league title with PSV. I don't know, you could've used him.
Wolfsburg: You know how Tree says "Detroit channeled a rear-ended Pinto?" Wolfsburg channeled a rear-ended Golf. It was an incredibly hot-and-cold season, which I guess should be expected when you employ Ralph Hassenhuttl as your manager. Yes, that Ralph Hassenhuttl, the man singlehandedly responsible for Southampton's relegation. Nico Kovacs was steering the ship into the abyss, and was promptly canned at the right moment. Replacing him with Ralph didn't improve anything. One day Wolfsburg would do something cool like beat Leipzig. The next they would lose to Union Berlin. Last season, Wolfsburg was just a few points outside a European spot. Now you've entered hell: mid-table.
Mainz: Bo Henriksen is at least trying to build something at Mainz. It was clearly not going to be easy. When you lose 4-1 to Union Berlin on the second matchday, that spells trouble. They did managed to get some decent results, but they were Bayern's punching ball one March day. 8-1...fucking hell (stoppppp! he's already dead!!). You managed to avoid the drop so I guess that's progress. You have an exciting young forward in Jonathan Berkhardt, and decent defensive stability with Sepp van de Berg and Philip Mwene. Don't get too excited, you have a long way to go before you're back at the big kids table.
Gladbach: There was a time when Gladbach were punching into European football. It's not this season, because this was a dumpster fire. Had Mainz not collected one more draw, Gladbach would've finished higher on goal difference. Which is -11...woof. The team lacked any defensive cohesion, and could barely string together a good run of form. Most times they had to keep rescuing themselves in squeaky bum time. USMNT fans won't want to hear it but Jordan Pefok and Joe Scally are not beating the mid allegations. Pefok only scored 5 goals. Scally still doesn't look like a legitimate starting right back. The legend of Julian Wiegl continues as he amassed ten yellow cards in a single season. They're a pretty young team so there is time to improve, but this is a real mess.
Union Berlin: The curse of the Champions League struck Union Berlin with a fiery vengeance. It is not unfair to say they were incredibly underprepared for the gauntlet that is elite European football. Almost all of the moves they made backfired. Bringing in Leonardo Bonucci for UCL experience only to find he was washed. He got exiled to the Turkish league for his fraudulent crimes. Brenden Aaronson was loaned in after he too fled relegation of Leeds United. He put up 4 goal involvements in one season...Medford Messi my ass. Roben Gosens was somehow the top scorer. He's a fullback. The honeymoon is over. It really took them until the final matchday to survive. That late penalty against Freiburg saved them for the drop. Good, you survived. Now don't fall off like that again. Your fans can be incredibly proud of you, considering you look way better than Hertha.
Bochum: Yea about what you expect with this club. They're a German yo-yo club. Yes, they do indeed exist. Sure, they still have a chance to stay up with pro-rel playoff coming up, but I don't expect much ever. Take your annual triumph over Bayern and get the fuck out. Getting absolutely bodied by Leverkusen to cement their title was a courtesy to you. Don't lose that playoff.
FC Koln: You guys fucking suck. I thought for sure Koln would at least put up more of a fight after getting promoted last season. Only collecting five wins?? FIVE? This is a goddam travesty playing out in real time. Yo-yo club status cemented. Given what I saw you'd be lucky to get back in to the top flight after this season.
Darmstadt: Darmstadt had two major problems that hindered their season. They couldn't defend, and they couldn't score. Double whammy if you ask me. Somehow you make teams look like Real Madrid. You got some wins over your relegation rivals. Take what you can, I guess. I think the 2. Liga is probably more your speed, though.

So, this has been eating away at the last few remaining braincells I have left for months, (the good news is that I should be a vegetable by noon tomorrow. yay!) ever since my account was “hacked”… I use quotes because I really don’t think they had to do much to get in. 2 point verification must mean that steam gives you 2 “rad points” for signing up, allowing them to treat your account like a house that has a “free candy” bucket on halloween… because it sure as sugar doesn’t stop theives!
Let me get to the freakin point before I start ranting about something else unrelated!
What is the actual reasoning that steam gives for not reimbursing items that are stolen/traded/sold? **To be double clear, I’m not asking what the BS con artist line they feed us is when it happens, I’m basically asking what legal loophole do they use, or how can they get away without reimbursement when
A. I actually have one account (out of who knows how many involved) who was in on the theft without a doubt! Because they showed up in my friends list right before it happened, and I literally don’t accept friends I don’t know in real life… there are 3 legit people there!!! (worst case scenario, the items are digital, so they can just copy/paste)
B. the account buying has at least a 50/50 chance of being in on the theft. How could they set up a sale for items they didn’t yet have, yet sell them all within a few minutes of getting into my account?
C. So to explain above, I happened to catch my theives in real time, and there is absolutely nothing you can do to as far as contacting someone - customer service doesn’t exist, nor is there any “emergency freeze” for your account should you notice anything happening (I spammed the shiz outta them with whatever button I could find that even resembled “help”, which I think stopped a lot more loss!)
So to sum it up, I’d say there’s an insane amount of negligence on their part, and I think for over 10 years I did about as good as one could to prevent anyone in, yet it happened! Has nobody ever called the better business bureau, or tried a class action with this? Because it’s mind blowing that these con artists are #1 with how little thought they put behind 90% of their actions, and never address the most important things like security, but will sink lord knows how much money into …a store facelift?!?! Are you pulling my wang-jobber?!
I’m getting just as enraged now as when it happened, someone has to have a worse story than this, but I don’t know if I should hear about it?
Help Dear Abby!!!

I was watching a video discussing how to create a business culture where your team works well together AND enjoys being together. Apparently it's not a super common thing, so I wanted to share the recap.
Here were my take aways:

1. Your team will reflect your BEHAVIOR more than your words. If you show up unkempt, and behave like everything is a drag, so will they. SOLUTION: become hyper-aware of your behavior, presence, and tone. as these are the things that will be "downloaded" by your team
2. extra effort from a personal stand point will always be valued. this doesn't need to be business/performance related. remember, they're people. what are they excited about, what are they looking forward to, what do they enjoy doing with friends outside of work, are they celebrating anything soon, did they just have a personal big win or loss? any big life changes? You don't need to over intrude, but interest in your team, will yield interest in you. because that's how relationships work lol. (lifehack, this works for clients/customers too)
3. genuinely caring is a superpower. I used to think that caring was a weakness, because it opened me up to pain from others. but when you care about something, you work harder at it. when you care about someone, you try harder with/for them. When you care about a project, you speak with conviction and are more likely to be seen as authentic. so yes, there is potential pains from cruel external forces, but there is much room for greater potential improvements. If you don't currently care, then act like you do until you authentically do.
4. most people aren't stupid, they've been given poor instructions by bad teachers. if i told you to tell me how to make a PB&J sandwich as if i knew nothing, and you said "get PB, get J, put it on bread, put them together, enjoy"okay. but, where do I get the PB, how do i get there, do i have to put it back. why do i need to put it back, etc. etc. etc. When you hire someone, they need to understand how to do things the way you want them done. it doesn't matter if they've done it before somewhere else, or if this is their entry position. they still need to know how to do it HERE IN YOUR BUSINESS. because different business means different culture and different common actions/behaviors. help them learn the successful actions in your business.
5. Invest in your team as if they will never leave, but hope and expect that they will. By investing in your team, you improve their skillset which reflects in your business. Even if they leave, you helped someone improve their wellbeing by using the skills somewhere else for more money. You can't force them to stay, but you can influence lives for the better. That goodwill never goes unused.

I hope you found this valuable. let me know your thoughts!

So I was walking with my friend today, lets just call him K, and we start talking about our other friend, I'll call him J, getting $200 every month for food and he gets to keep whatever he doesn't spend, and we're talking about what we would do with the money if we got $200 from our parents every month, and he says he would pay $200 to get raped, so I kind of chuckle, then we walk a little further and I see my sisters and I didn't say anything about it, but I brought the rape thing, and he said yeah he'd pay someone, then he says,"Like that little girl over there" and I respond," That's my sister" and K and I just start laughing our asses off, gotta be the funniest thing that happened to me all year.

Your little speech today about only being on TikTok Tuesdays now. Something you said really stuck out to me you said “You’ve tried to play the game, you tried to earn the money and you tried to earn the worth”. I don’t know where to start with you. First Tabitha I think it’s disgusting that you think what you do is a “game”!!! Other people’s lives are not for you to play games with. Maybe that’s part of your problem. You’re playing games and everyone else is living in reality. Second Tabitha, there is NO WORTH in playing games with people’s lives. You aren’t worthy of anything Tabitha you want to know why??? Because anything good is WORTH working hard for and we both know you don’t like to work. You were right about one thing though Tabitha we won’t ever stop raising awareness about you until you go away and stop taking advantage of good people. No one would’ve been okay with anyone bullying someone that really has Autism Tabitha. I know this because we went out of our way to protect the people you were preying on like BG and AP for example. We even had discussions about how we would protect them through all of this because they are truly autistic. We just won’t allow you to lie about having something you don’t and that’s the difference between bullying and raising awareness. Your “supporters” never disappeared on you for the blackout Tabitha they just got smart because how can they not when you say you’re homeless one minute and eating steak and shrimp the next with a brand new wardrobe, hair and nails. I don’t think you will go down to just one day a week because you’re addicted to TikTok and the attention you get from it. You crave it. Unless of course there’s a different reason you won’t be on and you’re keeping it quiet. Most likely it’s because you’re using someone and don’t want us to find out who and warn them. But you’re your own worst enemy and this won’t last either especially if it involves you working in any kind of capacity. One last thing before I go Tabitha instead trying to earn your worth from thousands of strangers on an app why aren’t you trying to do that with people that really matters, like your children etc.??? I think it’s so weird that you so desperately need or even want validation from people that you don’t even know. Oh and if you do write that book you were talking about make sure it’s labeled FICTION. Until Next Time Tabitha Get a Real Job or Go To ONLY FANS LAZY!!! P.S. Tabitha you were only used as much as you used others. You can’t use a user and you are the epitome of a user just ask BK and other creators with a following of any sort you throw gifts to for attention and followers etc🙄🙄🙄

I own a Jeep and the dealer is offering 21k for it. I owe 8k on it so that’s 13 in equity. I found a 2017 ram 2500 diesel for 39995 and after all negotiations and taxes, trade in etc finance amount is 28k. I’m wondering if it’s something I should just pass on or make the swap. It’s only got 48k miles. I own my house and my income is a little more than 1k a week. Wife brings in a little over 4K every 2 weeks but we do have some debt like her student loans. I pay 505 a month now for my Jeep so I’m sure payments would be close to that.
What’s the finance gurus opinions?

I am seeking advice from you guys as I believe someone has been in my place before and I'm not alone.
I am a medical graduate from a poor country, graduated last year and came to the US with very little experience in research but knowing the basics in general.
my appointment is unpaid. when I first started, I thought the way my mentor treated me was unfriendly and maybe that's how her personality was as I believed, and my lab mate was in a similar situation as I was.
the verbal abuse is escalating, being accused of deleting files (when she really needs to refresh the web page), accused of lying in my resume that I don't know how to write a deep learning code (even though I know how to do basic stuff in python and that's what I have in my resume), working on weekends on thousands of projects and if any small mistake happen I hear "if you're really interested in this you wouldn't make any mistakes", and never hearing the words "thank you" or "good job", never having the chance to ask any questions about anything I do, when I do she replies " This is not rocket science and I don't have time for this". also being gaslighted about a paid position with the same mentor, but she ended up looking for a person with AI experience.
I thought maybe I was not good enough and that I really need to work on myself, which is the truth for everyone, but what is making me believe that this is personal, is her friend's daughter who's joined the team recently, and the girl is nice and learning the same speed I did, in the meetings the girl hears words about how great she is, and she is having multiple meetings with the boss about her questions. I really wish I was treated the same way.
the boss asks questions about something that needs to be looked up, and when I start talking about what issues we have she says, "now we're making progress". the last time she interrupted me and said to the new girl "OK you answer because you are super smart", but the girl innocently doesn't know what we're talking about.
now I am feeling super down, I know she's not going to give me a good LOR, I don't have energy to work on anything or prepare for the match next year. also, I need the visa so I don't have to waste more money and time or traveling back and forth between my country and the US
Thank you

I was watching a video discussing how to create a business culture where your team works well together AND enjoys being together.
Here were my take aways:
1) Your team will reflect your BEHAVIOR more than your words. If you show up unkempt, and behave like everything is a drag, so will they. SOLUTION: become hyper-aware of your behavior, presence, and tone. as these are the things that will be "downloaded" by your team
2) extra effort from a personal stand point will always be valued. this doesn't need to be business/performance related. remember, they're people. what are they excited about, what are they looking forward to, what do they enjoy doing with friends outside of work, are they celebrating anything soon, did they just have a personal big win or loss? any big life changes? You don't need to over intrude, but interest in your team, will yield interest in you. because that's how relationships work lol. (lifehack, this works for clients/customers too)
3) genuinely caring is a superpower. I used to think that caring was a weakness, because it opened me up to pain from others. but when you care about something, you work harder at it. when you care about someone, you try harder with/for them. When you care about a project, you speak with conviction and are more likely to be seen as authentic. so yes, there is potential pains from cruel external forces, but there is much room for greater potential improvements. If you don't currently care, then act like you do until you authentically do.
4) most people aren't stupid, they've been given poor instructions by bad teachers. if i told you to tell me how to make a PB&J sandwich as if i knew nothing, and you said "get PB, get J, put it on bread, put them together, enjoy"okay. but, where do I get the PB, how do i get there, do i have to put it back. why do i need to put it back, etc. etc. etc. When you hire someone, they need to understand how to do things the way you want them done. it doesn't matter if they've done it before somewhere else, or if this is their entry position. they still need to know how to do it HERE IN YOUR BUSINESS. because different business means different culture and different common actions/behaviors. help them learn the successful actions in your business.
5) Invest in your team as if they will never leave, but hope and expect that they will. By investing in your team, you improve their skillset which reflects in your business. Even if they leave, you helped someone improve their wellbeing by using the skills somewhere else for more money. You can't force them to stay, but you can influence lives for the better. That goodwill never goes unused.
I hope you found this valuable. let me know your thoughts!

I am seeking advice from you guys as I believe someone has been in my place before and I'm not alone.
I am a medical graduate from a poor country, graduated last year and came to the US with very little experience in research but knowing the basics in general.
my appointment is unpaid. when I first started, I thought the way my mentor treated me was unfriendly and maybe that's how her personality was as I believed, and my lab mate was in a similar situation as I was.
the verbal abuse is escalating, being accused of deleting files (when she really needs to refresh the web page), accused of lying in my resume that I don't know how to write a deep learning code (even though I know how to do basic stuff in python and that's what I have in my resume), working on weekends on thousands of projects and if any small mistake happen I hear "if you're really interested in this you wouldn't make any mistakes", and never hearing the words "thank you" or "good job", never having the chance to ask any questions about anything I do, when I do she replies " This is not rocket science and I don't have time for this". also being gaslighted about a paid position with the same mentor, but she ended up looking for a person with AI experience.
I thought maybe I was not good enough and that I really need to work on myself, which is the truth for everyone, but what is making me believe that this is personal, is her friend's daughter who's joined the team recently, and the girl is nice and learning the same speed I did, in the meetings the girl hears words about how great she is, and she is having multiple meetings with the boss about her questions. I really wish I was treated the same way.
the boss asks questions about something that needs to be looked up, and when I start talking about what issues we have she says, "now we're making progress". the last time she interrupted me and said to the new girl "OK you answer because you are super smart", but the girl innocently doesn't know what we're talking about.
now I am feeling super down, I know she's not going to give me a good LOR, I don't have energy to work on anything or prepare for the match next year. also, I need the visa so I don't have to waste more money and time or traveling back and forth between my country and the US
Thank you

Sorry for the long post, but it feels like I'm constantly battling myself at every turn and it's getting so exhausting. I self-sabotage so much. It could be a neurodivergence thing, but I suspect it's more of a trauma thing. After decades of colleagues, parents, partners etc. hammering in a sense of worthlessness, I've started doing it to myself; the more I build myself up and work towards what I want in life, the harder I crash, and I don't know what to do about it anymore. It's like I'm trying to maintain equilibrium when I want to be doing so much more. Could really use anyone's help finding a solution so I can move on with my life.
I went back to school to get my degree so I could move on to a Master's, just to get overwhelmed and bail in the last month of the program, and now I have to do the senior project over before I can apply for grad school. I've gotten a lot better about this now that I live alone, but when I'm feeling super uncertain about the future I spend money like it's infinite, telling myself I'm "investing in myself" or some bs, then get really depressed because I know I just screwed over my long-term goals for a short-term passion project. I know I know better, but I do it anyway! My justifications make perfect sense to me at the time!
I can't trust my own judgment around other people, either. Whenever I start to feel something positive about a person — platonically, romantically, anything — spending time with them begins to unsettle me and I have to force myself not to bail. And sometimes I manage to stick it out and and start to trust them, only for them to do something to confirm that I should never have bothered.
What's more, I was supposed to hold my first paid workshop this Thursday, but I have to bail because the time I should have been planning it, I was dealing with this:
A well-respected guy at my gym tried to stir up drama between my friend and me by trying to date her, realizing we're friends, and then secretly trying to start a relationship with me too. He spent six months training me for a rank test. I considered him a friend who wanted to see me win, so it really rattled me and made me feel manipulated. I've had so many bad experiences with abusive men pretending to like me just to get close enough to do damage, but I've never had one try to use me to hurt someone else before. To protect myself I've learned to always be ready to introduce a man to consequences, and to never let them see me upset. This time I was doing it to protect a friend, and I may have gone overboard. I publicly shamed him pretty bad. No one's seen or heard from him in a week. I consider this gym to be my only safe space outside of my own home, and I feel like in outing that guy the way I did, I've severed more ties than just the three of us involved. So, I spent the last week and a half ruminating when I should have been planning my workshop and how to make the money I need to achieve my actual goals.
I've been in therapy for five years, but every time I commit to work on self-sabotage it just takes a different form. If not with relationships, with money; if not money, my career, and on and on it goes. I just wrote this long-ass post at my work desk because I was staring at a blank screen instead of managing a deadline. It feels like I should be able to "just do it," but I'm so overwhelmed constantly, and the more I try to push push push and do the thing, the harder I end up screwing myself. Does anyone know how to overcome something like this?

Also his comment about how she thanks the cleaning crew at the hotel she’s at ; he thinks that’s weird and is speculating she’s only thanking them bc she’s always in the hotel. And in another video, he was so bothered and offended that she said to love your enemies and if someone was mean to her, she would still respect them. He literally screamed at her and disrespected her even more bc what..she chose peace? You think she’s fake and not a person of value bc she chose..peace? To respect enemies? To let go of the haters and see that they’re human too and deserve some respect?
Which I get, that is a bit too much, to respect someone who could hurt or be evil to you, but I think there’s always an ounce or a spec of respect even with your enemies. It’s just so black and white to him. How dare she be a complex person, who is struggling and maybe even trapped, that the only thing she can do is be fake nice, to be too sweet. How dare she may understand that people aren’t simple and they aren’t linear. He doesn’t know the full reason why she respects her haters and abusers but it’s not for him in an extremely angry, sharp and judgmental tone, to judge her.
I’m not a fan of her, and she does seem fake and has done some sketch things, but idk, he’s just really, REALLY, lacks gentleness and empathy. And the things he’s criticizing and coming down hard on her for aren’t the real deep seated issues that he could address about her ; just once again, shallow, face value criticism. Maybe if he worked on himself, he wouldn’t have all this energy to make money and have his blood pressure go up for ppl that don’t even care if he exist.

For me it's my father. No second thoughts about it. I've disliked him on so many occasions, for scolding me harshly in public and treating my sister with 5x more affection and compassion. But he is the one whom I can rely on and count on no matter what. Other members get emotionally carried away, and despite having the best of intentions, Freak out.
His financial literacy is truly remarkable. If I am financially stable now, it's only because of him. He understood the importance and encouraged me to do my bank work on my own as early as I was 16. Even now I consult him before investing and filing my taxes. He sponsored my entire education till I finished my undergrad; all the money I earn is for myself. I am grateful for the privilege. It's all because of his planning.
His father abandoned him and his 4 younger siblings and moved to Andaman. His mother (my grandmom) worked as a factory worker to meet ends. He started earning when he was 14 by teaching younger kids. His relatives wanted him to start working after 10th, but he rebelled, completed his Bachelor's and masters, all while working and supporting his mother, paying house rent for family, and education fees for his siblings. In fact all his salary well into his 20's went to repaying all the loans that his mother was unable to pay. A few years ago, his father reeached out to him after 30 odd years, as he was unable to pay for his treatment (Dialysis). Father refused to meet him, but sent money for his treatment to some mutual relative. The man died to drinking, his siblings apparently attended the funeral, my father refused. I have visited his home town only a couple of timss and realised how far he has come in life.
I hope I am capable enough to follow his footsteps, and maybe improve a little by being more sensitive and unbiased towards loved ones.

I need outside perspective/feedback as I cannot afford therapy and feel like it’s hard to get honest feedback from friends or family at times.
We have been together six months. Him (38M) me (34F). Long distance. We connect in so many ways (physically, spiritually, sexually and emotionally). We talk all the time and he has become my best friend. We tell each other we love one another and while we’re long distance he drives to see me every other weekend which I appreciate.
Issue is - he’s going through a divorce. Before anyone gets judgy- please know I’ve seen the divorce papers and the divorce has been filed for close to two years. They are disputing assets so it has gotten messy. I realize I took that risk in getting involved with someone going through a divorce and that is the driving reason as to why I’m asking this question. I don’t want to waste any more of my time.
I’ve met his parents but have not met his children which I prefer until the divorce is finalized. I have spoken to his daughter on the phone so they know about me but we have not met in person.
He’s a great communicator and I really do trust and love him. My worry is that he is not fully healed from his marriage.
I tend to be a chronic over thinker. So I’m having a hard time determining if this is me overthinking things or if I’m noticing red flags that could be an issue later and the last thing I want to do is waste my time or end up hurt. He tells me he’s ready, that he loves me and shows me in many ways that also but there have been some situations that made me question that.
We got in our first major disagreement weeks ago. He booked other plans on our weekend together ( which he said was unintentional) and I was not happy about it. I made it clear when I started this what I needed as far as in person visits. I told him how I felt and he continued to text me over and over saying stuff like “you don’t deserve anything but the best. And after you laid it out. I’m convinced that you deserve better.“ among other things. I did not like his reaction- it was off putting. My best friend came into town the next day and I text him telling him ‘I’m not mad but that I wanted space to enjoy time with my friend and that we can talk after.’ Which he respected and we ended up talking it through after taking space. He apologized and we decided to move forward. It does bother me that it took me needing to take space for him to apologize and see my point of view though.
A week and a half later. I brought up to him that I wanted to discuss what things look like after his divorce is final. Would he be comfortable with me meeting his kids, and where he expected to live (we are long distance). I acknowledge that it wasn’t the best time and he was exhausted from a long day. These are things I feel are the natural next steps in the relationship and things we have briefly discussed before so I don’t see why it turned into an argument. He answered calmly at first but it escalated into him telling me he felt like I was pressuring him. He has mentioned me wanting to get married multiple times (I am in no rush and have never pressured him) and then took the argument to that I ‘only want to have a ring because I’m insecure that I’ve never been married before’ etc etc. This shocked and offended me because I was not discussing marriage - we are nowhere close to that and he is still married and I haven’t even met his children. I did tell I’m that if I was to relocate my son and entire life to his area in the future -I wouldn’t do so without a commitment.
We tried to talk it over for close to 3 hours last night and he ended up hanging up on me twice. This morning he called me a few times and when I finally answered- I told him how it hurt my feelings what was said and him hanging up on me was not okay. He apologized and I accepted but when we got off the phone I could tell he was still mad by how he ended the conversation. I let it be and went back to work thinking we will talk about it later at a better time. Within minutes he text saying ‘ I think we need to take time.’ Which I told him okay if that’s what he wants then so be it. He text me he felt I owed him an apology. I did apologize last night for my approach but didn’t understand the need to apologize again.
It is so difficult to know if I am overreacting and overthinking the situation or if these are indicators that he is not fully moved on from his divorce. He has also mentioned that ‘he has already done marriage’ and the ‘ring means nothing.’ To me it is a commitment to sharing life together and I don’t think it’s wrong of me to want that before up rooting my entire life to move there. It’s also concerning we are both Christian’s and our faith has an emphasis on marriage. Which he replied ‘I’m fine with doing a spiritual wedding with a pastor.’ Almost indicating he does not want a legal marriage (first I’ve heard of this).
It’s beyond confusing because from the start of asked him his thoughts on marriage and I made it clear that while I’m not in a rush- I do want to be married in the future. He ensured me that his divorce did not change his views on marriage and he looks forward to remarrying in the future too. I never put a time stamp on it but apparently he feels pressured by my questioning.
I’ve given him space since he asked. When someone asks for space , gives the purpose and timeline (like I did before) that I can understand. But telling me ‘ I think we need some time.’ Makes me feel like we are talking a break indefinitely and is unfair.
I’m giving him space and have not reached out. He sent me some Instagram videos of random irrelevant stuff and a text saying he missed me already and wants to talk. Only hours after telling me he thought we ‘needed time.’ None of it makes sense and now I feel like I need time to figure out what I want so I have not responded.
Honest opinions- does it seem like I am overthinking this, or that there are some red flags in how he responds?
TL;DR: In a six-month long-distance relationship with a man going through a divorce for two years, experiencing doubts about his readiness to move on. Met his parents but not his kids, leading to concerns about the future. Recent disagreements escalated into arguments about the future of their relationship, with communication breakdowns and differing views on commitment. Feeling confused and unsure if she's overthinking or if there are legitimate red flags.

I know that nobody likes to hear a complainer, but is Blizzard, a gaming company worth over $74million dollars, coming off a laughably band brand deal with Porsche SERIOUSLY trying to get it's under paid, overworked player base to pay for the prize pool of their next championship?
It's like they're in a betting pool to see what's going to win out first:
The ability to make as much money as feasibly possible off the naive individuals who don't understand how predatory this is,
Or
The decline of their player base from pure disgust to the point that the game is unplayable.
If they didn't want to make good on their promises for OW2, I feel like they could have just come clean and said they didn't want to do it or it wasn't feasible to make it as good as previously promised.
They don't have to kill the game by wringing everyone dry until we get too disgusted to want to even look at it anymore!
Crowdfunding was created for a small community of like minded individuals to rally together to help get small projects off the ground for meaningful causes.
CROWDFUNDING ISN'T FOR COMPANIES CAPABLE OF ALREADY PRODUCING SHIT, GETTING THEIR PLAYER BASE TO FOOT THE BILL.
I'm so crushed. I really like playing this game but I think I'm done, and I know people roll their eyes whenever someone says that, but at what point do we say no more?