Full disclosure: I do not speak Frisian or play guitar. I do not know very much about music theory or linguistics. This is just an observation I have made. If I’m using any terms incorrectly or misunderstanding something, please feel free to let me know.
When I say Frisian, I am referring to West Frisian. I haven’t listened to enough of the other dialects of Frisian to say if it applies to Saterland Frisian and/or North Frisian as well. To a certain extent, what I am saying about West Frisian also applies to Dutch, which has a number of differences from Frisian (fewer vowel sounds, for example) but is closely related to it and has a similar feeling.
When I say “mathy or twinkly emo” I am referring to the more energetic subgenre of midwest emo influenced by math rock and post rock that became more prominent in the late 2000s and early 2010s. Some refer to it as twinkledaddies. However, there is a more specific branch of twinkly emo that I believe shares the same feeling as Frisian. I am not talking about the more glum, atmospheric, and post-rock influenced twinkly emo. Empire! Empire! (I Was a Lonely Estate) and The World is a Beautiful Place and I am No Longer Afraid to Die do NOT sound Frisian.
I think Algernon Cadwallader is the best example of a band whose guitar work sounds like Frisian. I Love Your Lifestyle is a good example too. There’s something about the whimsical energy of these bands that can also be felt in Frisian.
With all of that said, it’s challenging to pinpoint which traits of Frisian and twinkly emo are responsible for this feeling they have in common. Even if we were to say that arpeggios, DAEAC#E tuning, or writing music in this or that key signature, that would not explain why Frisian and this corner of emo are connected.
English is closely related to Frisian and most Midwest emo bands are composed of people whose first language is English. I don’t find this to be a compelling explanation at all though. Countless forms of music have sprung from the Anglosphere that do NOT feel Frisian in the slightest. There are many examples of artists making twinkly emo or music that sounds very similar whose tongues do not descend from Hengist or Horsa. As much as I adore the English language, I don’t think it’s responsible for the similarities between twinkly emo and Frisian. Also, there was that one post about the guy from Uruguay whose guitar playing sounded really similar to Midwest emo.
In all likelihood, this is a case of cultural convergent evolution. So far, I have not found any evidence that these early emo revival bands were going for a Frisian-inspired sound or have any connection to Frisia. Over the course of centuries, the Frisian language evolved to sound the way it does, and then later on this subgenre of emo independently captured the same feeling as Frisian phonetics. Were similar selective pressures placed on them to mold some deeper essence (what some might refer to as “vibes”) in both Frisian and twinkly emo into twins? There are some things in language and music that may always remain mysteries. The most well known example of convergent evolution is that things keep evolving into crabs/crab-shaped animals. Rather than analogous body shapes, this can be thought of as two separate cultural phenomena (music and language) developing analogous essences. To compare it to the phenomenon of carcinisation, it would be like if a proto-crab evolved into a crab and then a bird evolved into a crab-shaped bird. They are both animals and both crab-shaped but not related.
Perhaps the simplest way of putting it is that the essence of twinkly emo is shaped like how the sound of Frisian is shaped.
So, what do you all make of this? Have you noticed the connection too? Do you have any theories on which traits of give West Frisian and the more energetic twinkly emo influenced by math rock their common essence/“vibe”? Do you have any theories on what caused it? Although I am not religious and therefore would find any explanations involving divine guidance or some other supernatural force hard to believe, please do not hesitate to share such theories if that’s what you believe. I always try to keep an open mind. I have no interest in disputing anyone’s faith in a higher power so long as it is not pushing them in the direction of blind hatred, violence toward innocent people, or pacifism in the face of a monstrous enemy. If you believe God played a role in this, I want you to feel comfortable sharing that but I also don’t want a conversation about music and language to turn into a religious debate. Let’s try to keep things on topic and civil.

I own a sneaker store and I often repost and advertise with nice photos I find on Instagram. Blissfully unaware of the legalities behind that until recently. Two similar accounts in my area have been taken down / banned due to copyright infringement. I can only assume it was because they had been reposting others content without permission for commercial use.
I have archived all of my posts and left only the posts that were taken and created by me. Should I be worried? Is it okay to ask for permission and then post with consent for commercial use? Do I need to fully delete these pictures from IG or is archiving enough?
I know IG support is basically useless but has anyone ever had luck restoring a copyrighted account?
Thanks in advance

Hi all, I recently used TRT (250mg) weekly after I turned 20. I know this was an extremely shit idea, but I used it during a really low phase in my life in hopes something would help. It didn’t, and it started causing my hair to shed within 3 weeks. As soon as I noticed shed, I dropped it.
The shed has continued up to now, close to 3 months after. I’m aware my decision was terrible, but I’m looking for some possible way to help my situation without altering my hormones even more (Finasteride, Dutastrride, etc.)
My shed seems to be coming from all over, but it feels like i’ve lost a lot of thickness on my crown/temple. This was also remarked by my hair stylist, but granted my hair is long and gets weighed down easily, so this could be why. I’ve personally noticed a loss of density, and a couple small thinned patches. I was recommended by a friend of mine to use Minoxidil, as he said it helped stop his shed and regrow what he lost.
Ig my question is, would you advice using Minoxidil in my current situation? The idea of a life long treatment scares me, but my friend assured me that he used it after cycles when it hair would shed, and then stop using when it came back. Personally, I’m not afraid to take it life long if that’s what’s needed to maintain my hair, but the idea of being able to come off isn’t something i’d turn away from. I’ve also been told my hair shed could be from hormonal fluctuations, which will come back on its own, but i’m looking for preventative measures if this is not the case.

The idea I had was give a daily bonus stratagem that is tied to the personal order of the day
For example, today is ‘kill 100 enemies using the Gatling Sentry’ so I think it’d be dope if they gave us the Gatling sentry as a 5th/4th stratagem
Would allow for more fun mixing and matching builds to fit the bonus stratagem, and I couldn’t really see any downsides to it, as even with the 500 kg being available as a bonus stratagem a couple days ago, it didn’t really make missions infinitely easier, just more fun
It’d also allow new players to have the chance to complete every personal order, as I’d imagine sometimes a new player might not have the stratagem that’s required unlocked
Finally, it adds relevance to personal orders for the people who are maxed on medals, so they don’t feel quite so empty getting that 0 medal reward haha
For the personal orders that are ‘kill specific enemy type’, it makes sense to not give a bonus stratagem, as it lets people experiment with different ways to prioritize said enemy type
Let me know what y’all think, and if you see any issues that could come up with this idea

What's with these players that join a host and then proceed to two-shot the first dungeon boss we come across. I've seen this happen with Shroud and Riphide among others. Granted, Riphide is very easy to take out -- I can manage it on solo hard in around 30 or 40 seconds using the Blink Token mod -- but I cannot waltz in and take it out in five seconds flat.
I suppose it could be that they're simply higher gear levels -- such as a 20 joining a gear-10 game. But I just experienced this with a host that was gear level 13 playing normal (I joined his game being myself at gear level 10) -- and we were progressing normally, I even had to pick the host up off the floor a couple times after falling to mobs. A new player joined and the next dungeon boss we came across got taken out in five seconds. Even if the player was at gear level 20, the game should have scaled it up to level 16 (three levels higher than the host) the next time we entered an area, and I still cannot see a level 20 player taking out a level 16 boss in two blinks of an eye, even on normal difficulty. No such gear exists and even with cheese that's just improbable.
So, some kind of hack mutator in play? Even if not the host? Seems particularly off-putting if it's happening and not even from the host.

Hey! So, I don't think many people have seen it but I am making a small "What if" for an Inazuma Eleven FF with only girls, which I called IE Lightning Tower
I decided to share some thoughts about the project since it is now in its 10th chapter... And it's my birthday! May 22nd to be more exact. So I hope you're enjoying the series, if you have any questions or suggestions I'll be happy to answer!
So, since we haven't started FF, I think I should talk more about it. This FF will be in two parts, a group tournament with 4 teams playing against each of the other 3 teams and, by a point system, the top two teams will move to the next phase, which will be an Elimination Bracket with all the teams who made out of the 1st phase
Some teams from OG FF will be featured, such as Teikoku Gakuen and Kidokawa, but I'll be adding teams we saw in Season 2, like Osaka Girls CCC and Hakuren (These are just examples, there may be more of each). I'll also be including some Ares teams, since theoretically they should also exist at the same time as the OG season, so be prepared to see teams like Seishou Gakuen
I'm not the best artist, so I won't be able to have a lot of art for this series, but I have commissioned some art for it from u/Phoenixfighter___ which I believe you'll like!
I'll also take the moment to thank both Phoenix and u/bunsybunsss for allowing me to use their amazing OCs for this, please do check them out, their art is beautiful
But that's it, I hope you all have a great day and see you around!

Recently, for the 3rd time, I have had a friend who's divorced and remarried father passed away.
Each time, the same thing happened... new wife took every cent and left the kids out in the cold.
Me? I don't need to worry about it- my dad died when I was a kid and mom will just leave me debt.
But it was heartbreaking to watch my friends go through this.
The most recent example was the worst. Mom died 15-17 years back. Dad got remarried. Dad's health declines, daughter visited non stop as always. Dad wasn't well off, but he had a paid off car and a few bucks stashed. When his first wife passed he put much of the life insurance in bonds for the daughter and her 2 kids.
Dad passes. New wife names her son executor. They sold his car when he went to the hospital, and cleaned out the bank accounts.
There was still a few little stocks and assets to be divided up on the new, revised will.
75 percent to new wife, 25 to kid. New wife (They are jewish) spent over 15k on funeral at the synagogue and the burial- all her doing. Beyond that, she had every last sentimental item appraised... even his old wife's remaining jewlery... and used that as the percentage to be paid.
... they took that out of dad's assets, effectively cleaning him out. Grand total left to daughter? Roughly 1,800 bucks American. Paid in getting to claim her mother's jewelry. They even counted a backgammon set as 5 bucks.
New wife's son, the executor, got 7500 for being the executor.
This woman who l8ves in a 7 figure home paid off by her late husband (40 years of appreciation on the house), who is set for life and who's kid will inherit 7 figures minimum had zero problem squandering every dime of his daughters inheritance.
... the moral of this rant is, talk to your parents if you expect to be named in the will, and make sure they understand that their new family holds no love for his old family when money is concerned.
Dad may love and respect the new wife, may think she is a great person... but that won't carry over to you.
You will meet a new person entirely when estates are involved.

Background: Non - CS guy but am learning machine learning (ML) for a hobby project focused on macroeconomics. I'm currently taking the ML course by DeepLearning.AI and improving my math skills.
Goal: I aim to build a model that I will train using a few books on economics, particularly focusing on past financial crises. My goal is for this model to help identify indicators of recessions, inflation, and other economic events in the future. Additionally, as I read these books, I want the model to serve as a "second brain," assisting me in understanding financial concepts and events, and answering questions. For example, I would like the model to compare the European debt crisis of 2010 with the 1992 Pound sterling crisis.
I've been advised that this type of project falls under knowledge embedding and I could train an open-source large language model (LLM) like Falcon 7B or LLaMA.
What I want from you: 1. I want to make a detailed roadmap of learning necessary skills which would help me set personal targets and make a mental framework for this project. What skills should I learn to have a successful go at this?

1. What are the benefits of using open-source LLMs like Falcon 7B or LLaMA compared to creating and training my own LLM from scratch? I don't know how big/complicated creating your own LLM can be. I assume it to be quite complex.

Thank you for your assistance!!

Hello everyone! I have completed a personal project just in time for Shanghai! It is essentially an archive of Valorant esports clips.
https://valorantesportsarchive.vercel.app/
Firstly I want to thank ValorianPlays for giving me permission use their clips. I was about to edit and find all the clips myself which would've taken months. (If this is on stream please shout him out to help his channel)
I made this website to help find/filter clips easier without have to go scavenge through YouTube or watch full highlights. It should be especially useful to you Tarik since you dont watch any other region haha.
Hope you enjoy!

16-minute read.

pro-West party leader says they met PM Pashinyan and discussed a referendum to solidify Armenia's shift to EU

KHZMALYAN (European Party of Armenia): The referendum is our suggestion and demand. We presented it to Pashinyan and expect a response within a reasonable timeframe. We advised making a public statement soon. A referendum would also make Pashinyan's job easier by allowing the people's will to decide Armenia's direction.
REPORTER: How did Pashinyan respond?
KHZMALYAN: He suggested the meeting be held in a closed format so I can't reveal all details. We hope that our voice, our offer, our demand, was heard. If we do not receive a positive response, we will take measures by employing the same methods currently used by anti-European forces [the ongoing protests led by pro-Russian ex-regime]. We will take to the streets and demand a referendum for Eurointegration if necessary.
REPORTER: How long are you ready to wait before taking action?
KHZMALYAN: A few months. Georgia will hold parliamentary elections in October, and Moldova will hold a similar Eurointegration referendum - also in October. The U.S. will hold presidential elections in November which will be important for Armenia's future. Even if the worst scenario unfolds in all three countries, Armenia must stand firm and not take a step back. Armenia could become the leader in democracy in all of Eastern Europe if you consider the situation in Georgia, Hungary, and Slovakia [pro-Russia populist leader]. Armenia could receive an unprecedented level of assistance from Europe under those circumstances.
REPORTER: Did Pashinyan say he plans to leave CSTO?
KHZMALYAN: We did not demand specific dates but we urged him to complete all these processes this year, preferably by November.
REPORTER: Did Pashinyan agree?
KHZMALYAN: The participants of the meeting are under the impression that we were able to present convincing arguments but time will show what actions he takes. The government functions very poorly but nevertheless, they are doing something, they are taking steps.
REPORTER: On May 9, Bagrat Galstanyan gave Pashinyan 1 hour to resign but it's May 21 and he is still here. Why wasn't the opposition able to remove him?
KHZMALYAN: The 3 former presidents and their surrogate forces, backed by 30 years of power, were unable to bring forward a figurehead, a single ideology, that could win the hearts of the people. They used various political technologies, they switched between black and white robes, and they extended the 1 hour to 7 days, but none of that helped because the Armenian people hate them more than they hate Nikol Pashinyan.
REPORTER: You used to be a lot harsher on Pashinyan but something appears to have changed in your tone after your recent meeting with him. What is the reason?
KHZMALYAN: We were able to present our demands and the timelines to accomplish them. Unlike the archbishop and the former regimes surrounding him, we did not give "one hour" for Pashinyan to accept our demands; we did not make ultimatums. We believe the current government is carrying out and will carry out the will of the people to overcome the status of a Russian colony and join the ranks of free nations. We did and do see steps [taken by the government] towards this; we cannot ignore this. We saw the Strassbourg, but also Moscow. We saw the [April 5 meeting in] Brussels, but also [the recent meeting between FMs in] Almaty. We are told this is an attempt to "balance" and we understand where they are coming from, but our factions speak on behalf of over 60% of Armenians who view Russia's policies as deadly for Armenia. We expect concrete actions and we have formed a platform to continue this work; there will be petitions and other actions from us. We are ready to assist Pashinyan, who may be constrained due to ongoing negotiations, by being the public voice and saying the things he cannot say. We will continue to work, to pressure, to influence, to demand. Our meetings also continue abroad. We will press on until we reach our goal - the Eurointegration of Armenia. //
Several prominent Western-oriented political parties recently formed an alliance to promote Armenia's Eurointegration.
video,

Pashinyan appoints a ruling party member as a deputy head of the newly formed Foreign Intelligence Service - the Armenian "CIA"

After the 2020 war, Pashinyan said Armenia will need a modern intel agency to gather information and analyze foreign threats, while the NSS -- described as historically a "pro-Russian" agency by many -- will focus on internal matters.
source,

Pashinyan met the deputy head of the United States CIA to discuss bilateral, international, and regional issues

A delegation led by David Cohen is in Yerevan. Cohen also met NatSec Armen Grigoryan.
source, source,

Armenia's Investigative Committee chief hosted U.S. Deputy Assistant Secretary in the Bureau of International Narcotics and Law Enforcement Affairs

Qyaramyan and Yoder discussed bilateral cooperation, the recent retraining for Armenian agents and technical assistance, cooperation between law enforcement agencies of Armenia and the United States, anti-narcotrafficking, and the fight against gender-based violence.
Yoder also met Armenia's Interior Minister Ghazaryan to discuss the ongoing police reforms and formation of new divisions, the fight against narco-trafficking, technical assistance for rescuers, and retraining courses. Yoder emphasized effective cooperation, noting that the achievements within the framework of sectorial reforms are exceptional. The US wants to expand the agenda of cooperation.
source, source,

Armenian army officers continue to take part in NATO exercises titled Regex 2024 held in Moldova

GOOGLE TRANSLATE: The exercise is organized with the support of the NATO Joint Forces Command in Naples, Italy, and aims to train the military according to Western standards for planning and conducting exercises, crisis management, strengthening and assessing the level of interoperability of forces in a multinational environment.
We remind you that the exercise "Regex 2024" consists of several workshops during the current year. The first workshop took place between February 16 and March 1, and the second between 22 − April 26, 2024. //
source, source,

NATO and Armenia strengthen cooperation in defense education

Armenia's defense ministry representatives recently visited NATO headquarters to discuss NATO’s Defence Education Enhancement Programme (DEEP) for Armenia.
NATO: The DEEP programme is an excellent tool to support Armenian military education system reforms and strengthen the country’s cooperation with NATO.
ARMENIA: With the support of DEEP experts we implemented major changes in all levels of our educational curriculum at Military Academy, starting from cadets up to the most senior levels. It helped us to establish cooperation with many international partner institutions.
source,

Armenia is an emerging destination for UK and global investors: Armenia's Ambassador to London Business Matters

👔 Armenia is committed to building a knowledge-based, export-oriented, and inclusive economy.
👔 Armenia is diversifying its growing economy with pioneering sectors, creating ample investment opportunities.
👔 Armenia’s investment legislation grants equal treatment to foreign investors
👔 There are no restrictions on remittances and repatriation of profits, free exchange of foreign currencies and no limitations on staff recruitment
👔 The country’s favorable business climate and ‘open-door’ policy is also reflected in international reputable rankings where Armenia is ranked one of the highest in the region.
👔 Although Armenia has a relatively modest internal market, it offers different models of economic cooperation and serves as a gateway to major world markets
👔 Armenia has maintained a high level of cooperation with the EU through CEPA
👔 Armenia and UK will soon have a CEPA-like agreement
full article, source,

Turkey modernizes an Azerbaijani Su-25ML jet with guided bombs and Teber missiles

It uses KGK laser guidance for missiles and increases the reach to 110 km.
source,

Pashinyan's Chief of Staff hosted the French Ambassador to discuss defense, economy, infrastructure, and humanitarian topics

... also the upcoming events dedicated to the 100th anniversary of Charles Aznavour.
source,

Parliament Speakers of Armenia and Ukraine discuss the situation in the South Caucasus and Ukraine

source,

Q&A with ruling party MP Vahagn Alexanyan about the ongoing protests led by pro-Russian opposition

REPORTER: You continue to criticize the "holy movement"...
ALEXANYAN: The what now?
REPORTER: ... the "holy movement", by calling it a "pagan" movement. What is the ruling party's stance and do you discuss this internally?
ALEXANYAN: Of course we do, although I don't think Kocharyan's decision to name this movement "holy" is helping them. It's comical.
REPORTER: Do you have proof that Bagrat srbazan is [tied with Kocharyan]?
ALEXANYAN: Bagrat Galstanyan is surrounded by the entire political team of Robert Koharyan, he was a member of Kocharyan's 2022 protests and gave similar speeches he gives today, he received a praise from Russian propagandists, and he was named by a Russian propagandist Aram Gabrielyanov as a potential candidate for a new protest movement just a few months prior to these events, so it's beyond reasonable doubt that Bagrat Galstanyan is part of Kocharyan's team.
REPORTER: You were earlier accusing Galstanyan of being a Russian agent, and now Kocharyan's agent?
ALEXANYAN: Same thing.
REPORTER: The opposition gathered many thousands of supporters on May 9. What does the size of the crowd indicate?
ALEXANYAN: It was similar to Kocharyan's final rally before the 2021 elections. And?
REPORTER: The opposition created a video of "Pashinyan's lies" and broken promises. Will you respond?
ALEXANYAN: The clip itself is a lie and manipulation. For example, one of the supposed lies was Pashinyan's promise of an amnesty for overdue fines and penalties. You are a journalist, you tell me, was there an amnesty or not?
REPORTER: Pashinyan had also said that POWs could wait "just a few more months" and that he wouldn't "sacrifice Armenia's sovereignty" in exchange for bringing them back sooner. Why aren't they back?
ALEXANYAN: Dozens of POWs returned home in December, and efforts continue to bring back the rest. Literally 1-2 days before the POWs' return, the opposition claimed that the POWs were "forgotten" by the government. "Ոչ մի բան չեք անում:"
REPORTER: What about the Nagorno-Karabakh leadership?
ALEXANYAN: There are efforts to return them as well.
REPORTER: Why did the police form a wall to block entry to village Kirants [for nonresidents]?
ALEXANYAN: I think the NSS said they had to take action to prevent interference with the border work. From what I can tell, the protest leader himself went there yesterday and returned only 15 minutes later so there wasn't a big desire to stay there apparently.
REPORTER: They plan to hold a big rally on May 26 where they might nominate Bagrat srbazan as the PM's candidate to replace Pashinyan.
ALEXANYAN: Why not go straight for [alleged narco baron] Mihran Poghosyan [who publicly praised the protests]?
REPORTER: There appears to be a consensus around Bagrat srbazan after a meeting between several forces.
ALEXANYAN: Consensus minus one, where "minus one" is the people. Or to be more precise, "minus two", because the Constitution also prohibits Bagrat from serving as a prime minister. Congratulations on an initiative that's dead on arrival. It's absurd. They suggested replacing the Constitution to allow a dual citizen to serve as PM. Okay... To get Canadian citizenship you have to take an oath to serve the best interests of Canada. To allow dual citizens to serve as PM in Armenia we have to accept for the PM to have loyalty towards another state. The alternative is for the candidate [Bagrat] to admit that his word [oath to Canada] wasn't worth a dime. Երևի մատերը խաչ արած ա երդվել։
REPORTER: But don't you think you are manipulating because Galstanyan received Canadian citizenship just to be able to serve in the church in Canada? He didn't go there to live or conduct business.
ALEXANYAN: It doesn't matter why he went to Canada. He is a citizen of Canada and took an oath. Even religious leaders with dual citizenship cannot become prime ministers. I don't have an issue with him being a dual citizen, but it limits his office options. He still hasn't renounced his Canadian citizenship even after all these talks about a possible nomination.
REPORTER: Galstanyan said he is ready to renounce it as soon as there is a need for it.
ALEXANYAN: In other words, he seeks "guarantees" that he will be the candidate in order to renounce it?
full,source, source,

opposition churchman Bagrat Galstanyan demands the Armenian government compensate the damage done to the church during USSR and "return" the properties "legally belonging" to the church

This was said as a response to the critics of the church leadership who accused the church of turning into a political party and suggested taxing the church like a business.
BAGRAT: We have 19th-century churches that were forcefully confiscated and turned into ruins. The properties of the Armenian church must be returned to the church. The area of Moscow Cinema belongs to the church, half of the Katoghike Church was demolished and belongs to the church, and part of the items in Matenadaran were taken away from the church. Instead of threatening us with taxes, they must think about how they plan to return our properties, fully renovated and ready for service.
source,

the church is actually paying taxes but they do have some exemptions

The church paid $1 million in income taxes last year.
There are tax exemptions to import certain goods deemed for charity. They also don't pay property tax, and taxes on income generated from the sales of ceremonial accessories. The latter two are the frequent targets of church critics.
source,

Armenia's Constitutional Court has a vacant seat. Pro-Russian opposition criticizes Pashinyan's ruling party for favoring a "George Soros-linked" judge who worked for U.S. State Department.

A Serj-era judge is leaving the Constitutional Court after receiving a job offer elsewhere so one seat is vacant. It is the judiciary's turn to nominate a CC judge, so hundreds of judges recently held a meeting and voted for Judge Balayan as their candidate. Balayan's father was a CC judge during Kocharyan's tenure. He was accused in the Wikileaks report of having inappropriate deals with President Kocharyan. Pashinyan's ruling party did not vote to approve Balayan. This led to a second gathering of hundreds of judges where they voted to nominate Judge Khachaturyan as their candidate. The parliament summoned him for Q&A on Tuesday.
SPEAKER: We invite the representative of the judiciary to present their nominee for CC.
JUDICIARY REP: 267 judges voted. Judge Davit Khachaturyan, a member of the Criminal Chamber of the Court of Cassation, won the majority votes.
2000-2005: [blah blah blah]
2003-2006: Legislative Assistance Project Manager at Southern Caucasus Anti-Drug (SCAD) Program, sponsored by European Union and implemented by United Nations Development Program
2006: Program Assistant at U.S. Embassy in Armenia, Bureau for International Narcotics and Law Enforcement Affairs (INL)
2007-2013: U.S. Embassy in Armenia, U.S. Department of Justice (DOJ), Legal Specialist
2014: Academy of Justice of the Republic of Armenian-Russian, Vice-Rector and Lecturer
2015-2016: Council of Europe Office in Yerevan, Program “Strengthening Health Care and Human Rights Protection in Prisons in Armenia”, Legal Expert
2016: EU project “Development and Strategic Studies”, Expert on Judiciary and Human Rights field reforms
2015-2017: EU project “ENP Progress Reports and Assessment Reports on Armenia´s Compliance with GSP+ obligations”. Expert on Rule of Law/Justice.
2013–2020: Law Faculty of Yerevan State University. Lecturer. Development and teaching of courses for the Master Program: “European Standards for the human rights protection in criminal proceedings”, and “Professional Skills of a Lawyer”
etc.
OPPOSITION MP: The ruling faction earlier chose not to confirm the appointment of Judge Davit Balayan; they obviously prefer Davit Khachaturyan. Can you explain why you didn't mention that Khachaturyan served on the board of directors and later as the president of the board at George Soros's Armenia-based Open Society Foundations? How will this record impact his work at CC?
JUDICIARY REP: I presented parts of his professional activities available on the court's public platforms. You can ask the candidate directly.
OPPOSITION MP: The Soros Foundation publicly listed him as a member so I don't understand why it's being hidden now. In your opinion, how will his work at the Soros Foundation affect his impartiality?
JUDICIARY REP: The majority of judges chose him and it's up to Parliament whether to confirm or reject.
RULING MP: Was the voting held in a closed session or can you see how each judge voted?
JUDICIARY REP: It's a closed format. My duty here is to present the candidate. [basically, leave me alone I'm just doing my job]
RULING MP: Why not make the court voting and internal discussions more transparent for the public to see so we will have fewer conspiracy theories on why one judge was preferred over the other?
JUDICIARY REP: I share the view that it needs to be as public as possible but the majority of judges voted to keep the session closed to the press.
RULING MP: Just because the discussions and the vote were behind closed doors that doesn't mean it was anti-democratic, but still, it's better to publicize the process. We hope to see a change in this approach.
JUDICIARY REP: The ballot casting will always be secret and I think that's the right approach in order to allow judges to express themselves without constraints, but I agree that the discussions and speeches should be public. Either way whatever we discuss behind closed doors always reaches the press so in practice there isn't really a major transparency issue there.
CANDIDATE KHACHATURYAN: First, every part of my biography has always been public and part of public discussions. Second, I have always voted in favor of making internal discussions open to the press; it's the best way to avoid incorrect assumptions. Full speech here.
OPPOSITION MP: Congratulations. The ruling party intends to approve your candidacy just as they voted for you in the past for other positions. In all of those instances, you didn't mention your work at the Сорос Foundation. Now, a very interesting coincidence [drumroll... are you guys ready for this bombshell?], during the same time while you worked at Сорос foundation, in 2006-2013, you were also a U.S. Embassy employee [got 'em]. //
Nikol Pashinyan has resigned.
Tavush stretches all the way to Russia.
Bagrat srbazan becomes the Supreme Leader of Historical Soil & Water and the Generalissimos of Slow-Melting Candles... and of course removes the speed cameras from highways.
OPPOSITION MP (continues): With this biography, how do we know you are not an agent of foreign influence?
CANDIDATE KHACHATURYAN: I was not an "employee" at the Soros Foundations. Other famous figures have served on the Board [mentions a famous doctor]. Everyone who was part of the Board had duties but it was not really an "employment". As for my simultaneous work with the U.S. Justice Department, there was no conflict with my membership or presidency at the Board because the latter was fully a public activity and we were only given a symbolic sum to compensate for our expenses; we are talking about less than $100/mo. I will let you be the judge regarding an agent of influence. There is a lot that's missing from my biography that read here [lists some boring constitutional research work, etc.].
OPPOSITION MP: You keep being "promoted" by the ruling party without having the chance to finish your terms. The longest job you've ever held was at the Сорос Foundation - 8 years. The brother of the head of the Anti-Corruption Committee, who is about to join the CC, cannot be impartial. Again, what guarantees can you present that you are not a [Western] agent?
CANDIDATE KHACHATURYAN: Your expectation for guarantees stems from the assumption that the [Open Society Foundations] were engaged in activities other than the ones they were actually engaged in. I won't present any "guarantees" because there is no "threat" to begin with. As I've said, that part of my biography has always been discussed publicly and the activities were public and covered by the press.
RULING MP: In your speech you spoke about the judiciary in the U.S. and brought examples. The U.S. doesn't have a Constitutional Court. Don't you think we should also merge the Constitutional and [Cassations Court] with the upcoming referendum to have one Supreme Court with corresponding chambers?
CANDIDATE KHACHATURYAN: I support having one unified body like in the U.S., or clarifying the duties to prevent each body from interfering with the other. Lengthy answer.
OPPOSITION MP: A person [in Kirants] received permission [from USSR] to build a house and live in it. Then the [Armenian] government told him there was a mistake [after the clarification of borders]. Some 50 years after this incident, what would your verdict be in this case?
CANDIDATE KHACHATURYAN: I understand the context. This issue is the task of the Prime Minister and Foreign Minister and we cannot interfere in each other's institutions. I assume there will be a peace agreement eventually that will be sent to the Constitutional Court for examination, therefore I will refrain from making prejudgments now in order to be allowed to take part in future processes.
full video, source, source,

anti-corruption: Armenian authorities conclude that luxury Dubai property belonging to former regime MP's relative was not obtained illegally by him therefore will not be sized as part of an asset forfeiture case

Mher Sedrakyan (Tokhmakhi Mher) is a Serj-era MP whose family is going through an asset forfeiture case worth ֏7.5 billion ($19.3 million) that includes 22 real estate properties, cars, and company shares registered under his name and the names of immediate family members.
Additionally, investigative journalists recently found a luxury property in Dubai registered under the ex-MP's relative. Authorities have concluded that he is not the true ownebeneficiary of this Dubai apartment, therefore it won't be seized.
source,

the army concludes exercises for commanders

Context in May 14 news digest. The defense ministry says they have noted improvements and deficiencies and will take steps to correct them.
source,

Defense Minister Papikyan visited the frontlines and the newly built fortifications: PHOTO

The army continues to dig, asphalt, and build.
source,

Armenia's Foreign Minister met the head of the International Atomic Energy Agency during an international forum

ROSSI: Effective cooperation has been established between Armenia and the IAEA. We discussed several issues on the bilateral agenda, oncology and radiation medicine, safety, and reliable operation of the Armenian NPP.
MIRZOYAN: We plan to extend the lifespan of Metsamor NPP until 2036 while exploring new opportunities.
source,

Armenian lawyers went a strike on Tuesday to protest a bill that would move them from a turnover tax-based system to a VAT-based taxation

Context on the gray economy and why the government wants to gradually abolish the turnover tax system in May 2 news digest.
A group of lawyers said on Tuesday that their 5% turnover tax [for annual turnover under ֏119M] will become 10% this year, and in 2025 they will be required to switch to a 20% VAT/18% profit tax. The cost of legal services for many clients could increase by over 38%, they warned.
The Ombudsman and the Justice Ministry reportedly oppose this bill by the Finance Ministry.
source, source, source, source,

video shows the new payment terminals in Yerevan subway station

They plan to replace all gates next month. The Soviet-era tokens (zheton) are being replaced with QR codes, an app, and later - bank cards.
All stations will have payment terminals to purchase QR tickets. It prints out a paper with QR. Telcell's app lets you buy a ticket and instantly get a QR on the phone's screen.
Seniors who can't use "high-tech" can approach the token sellers and get a QR paper instead of a token.
video,

Yerevan will host an exhibition on Charles Aznavour’s 100th anniversary

Hundreds of rare artifacts will present the life and legacy of the legendary artist.
Location: National Museum-Institute of Architecture
Date: May 22-July 22
source,

Germany wants to purchase an Armenian man

Dortmund Borussia is interested in the services of Armenian national Edward Spertsyan as a replacement for departing Marco Reus.
During this season, midfielder Spertsyan has played 32 matches, scored 11 goals, and made 7 assists. His ass is worth €18 million.
source,

In the realm of esports, where mere seconds can determine victory or defeat, mastering the intricacies of the game settings can be the edge propelling a gamer to the top.
With VALORANT emerging as the premier FPS title in the competitive gaming scene, learning the optimal configurations is helpful for aspiring players trying to ascend the ranks.
This comprehensive guide delves into different VALORANT settings, from mouse sensitivity to graphics configurations. As VALORANT continues dominating the esports landscape, players should equip themselves with the tools necessary to outshine the competition and elevate their gameplay.

Suggested System Requirements
A system meeting the necessary specifications is the foundation for a seamless VALORANT experience, particularly for optimal performance and responsiveness. The basis of competitive play lies in minimizing system latency through hardware capabilities and making strategic settings adjustments.
VALORANT settings used by the pros prioritize frame rates over graphical fidelity to reduce latency. Generally, the best VALORANT settings for FPS assert that the higher the FPS, the better. To achieve this, NVIDIA’s Reflex Low Latency Technology can be a pivotal asset, synchronizing GPU and CPU operations to streamline rendering processes.
Catering to different hardware configurations, VALORANT maintains accessibility without compromising on its fluid gameplay mechanics. Below are the recommended system requirements for good VALORANT PC settings so players can tailor their setups to meet the demands of tactical combat in the game’s dynamic arenas.

Suggested Requirements
CPU: Core i3-4150 / Ryzen 3 1200
RAM: 4 GB
GPU: GeForce GT 730 / Radeon R7 240
VRAM: 1GB
OS: Windows 7/8/10 64-bit
For most gaming PCs, the minimum amount of RAM to run any modern game is 16 GB, and with most systems running Windows 10 or 11, most gamers should be ready to play.
Anyone with issues running VALORANT should troubleshoot and determine which components to upgrade.

Best VALORANT Settings
In VALORANT, split-second decisions and precise maneuvers reign supreme. Along with mastering the needed skills to be at the top of the game, determining the best VALORANT PC settings for gameplay can unlock a player’s full potential on the battlefield.
Aspiring to emulate VALORANT settings used by the pros, it’s essential to adopt configurations to optimize performance and enhance competitive edge.
From fine-tuning graphics for clarity to calibrating mouse settings to match play style, this guide explores every facet of configuration essential for dominating VALORANT.

Best Graphics Settings
In VALORANT, graphics settings are not merely about visual fidelity but also maximizing performance and improving gameplay clarity. VALORANT caters to various hardware configurations, so finding the perfect balance between performance and visibility is paramount for competitive success.
For example, playing on a 144Hz monitor offers the smoothest gameplay experience, necessitating adjustments to the in-game resolution settings to match this refresh rate. Other recommendations include turning off features like Vignette and Bloom, which may compromise visual clarity without offering any competitive advantage.
Here’s a breakdown of the best VALORANT PC graphics settings:

• Display Mode: Set to fullscreen to maximize frames per second (FPS) and ensure immersive gameplay.
• Material Quality: Lower this setting to reduce the complexity of shadows and materials, optimizing performance without compromising competitive gameplay.
• Texture Quality: Although this setting minimizes performance, setting it to medium or high can enhance visual fidelity on high-tier systems.
• Detail Quality: Lowering this setting reduces visual clutter, especially in foliage and textured environments, providing a slight competitive advantage without sacrificing performance.
• UI Quality: Keep this setting medium, as it doesn’t significantly impact performance or visuals.
• V-Sync: Turn off V-Sync to prevent input lag and maintain smooth gameplay, especially in fast-paced scenarios.
• Anti-Aliasing: Set to MSAA x2 to sharpen edges and improve visual clarity without heavily taxing system resources.
• Anisotropic Filtering: Experiment with 2x or 4x settings to enhance sharpness on oblique surfaces based on personal preference.
• Improve Clarity: Keep this setting off to avoid potential performance impacts while providing minimal visual gain.
• Experimental Sharpening: Although still in beta, enabling this setting may sharpen texture edges for increased visibility, enhancing the gaming experience.
• Distortion: Turn distortion off to maintain visual clarity and prevent any reduction in gameplay quality.
• Cast Shadows: Enable cast shadows to ensure enemy shadows are visible upon contact, facilitating faster reaction times and enhancing gameplay precision.

By adhering to these recommended graphics settings and fine-tuning them based on individual preferences and system capabilities, players can enjoy a smoother, more immersive gaming experience in VALORANT.

Best Mouse Settings
Along with adjusting to having the best VALORANT PC settings, mouse settings are just as helpful in gameplay. Precision is paramount in VALORANT, and mouse settings are crucial in determining a player’s ability to land those game-changing shots. Mouse settings encompass a range of factors, including:

• Mouse Sensitivity: For beginners, starting with a higher mouse sensitivity may feel more comfortable, as it mainly requires wrist movements to navigate the battlefield. However, transitioning to a lower mouse sensitivity becomes essential when progressing for pinpoint accuracy. Lower sensitivity settings afford greater control and consistency so players can land precise shots during battle.
• Scoped Sensitivity: For scoped sensitivity, consistency is critical. Setting the scoped sensitivity multiplier to ‘1’ means sensitivity remains consistent between scoped and ADS (aim down sight) modes, promoting muscle memory and precision. Some players opt for a lower scoped sensitivity to increase precision with scoped weapons, but most adhere to the ‘1’ setting.
• DPI: Many VALORANT pros use DPI settings no higher than 1600, with 800 DPI being the most common choice, followed by 400 DPI. These settings balance precision and maneuverability, allowing players to navigate the battlefield with finesse and pinpoint accuracy.
• eDPI: Choosing the proper sensitivity setting is vital in a game where every bullet counts and time to kill is minimal. The ideal sensitivity setting balances precision aiming and swift reaction times to deal with unexpected threats and flankers effectively. The average eDPI settings among VALORANT pros hovers around 267.

From beginners to VALORANT pros, fine-tuning PC mouse settings is essential for unlocking a player’s full potential. Feel free to experiment with different sensitivities and settings to find what works best.

Get the Best Gaming PC for VALORANT
Along with utilizing the best VALORANT PC settings, having a top-tier gaming PC creates the ultimate player experience.
VALORANT players who are ready to elevate their gaming experience to new heights can search through iBUYPOWER's expansive selection of gaming PCs. With cutting-edge technology, expert craftsmanship, and customization options, iBUYPOWER’s gaming PCs provide the ultimate gaming experience with seamless gameplay, stunning visuals, and lightning-fast responsiveness.
Join the elite gamers and experience VALORANT like never before by upgrading today and conquering the competition with an iBUYPOWER gaming PC. If you’re interested in getting some of the best optimized gaming PCs designed to play VALORANT on, check out our line of iBUYPOWER VCT Americas Spec-Approved PCs

I've only recently started learning UE, but mostly been focused on blueprints and mechanics up until now. Right now I'm attempting to make very rough version of some rooms from the game Control.
https://www.archpaper.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/870780_20210809183620_1.png
I've made a pure-white emissive material for the ceiling, but set the intensity very low so that I'm not using it for the actual lighting. I had read emissive materials shouldn't be the primary sources of light in a scene. So instead I tried RectLights in intersecting lanes. I had to crank the radius and intensity way up for the light to reach the floor. It seems to look okay, but the reflections of the rect lights make the intersections stand out.
https://i.imgur.com/TPfU2vs.png
https://i.imgur.com/lwkgXRe.jpeg
I also tried a single large rect light set behind the ceiling panels, but it seems rect lights still emanate from a single point (causing some angled shadows on the wall) and the reflection cannot be blocked by objects.
https://i.imgur.com/6tXyE73.png
https://i.imgur.com/2uLNJxk.jpeg
I can adjust the first example to use multiple rect lights where none of them overlap, but I wanted to know if there's a better way.

I’m having an absolutely bizarre issue with fonts in Excel. As a bit of background I use relatively obscure scripts in excel frequently (I enjoy creating constructed languages, and enjoy using uncommon scripts for them), and for no apparent reason they do not display correctly. Instead of the characters appearing I just get the small box with a question mark that marks an unknown character (or just a square, depending on the font Excel is set to.) Normally I’d write it off as my device lacking the correct font for the script, but the strange part is that the same script works 100% perfectly everywhere else other than Excel (and sometimes, but not always, in Word.)
For example, if I want to write something with the coptic script, it will display perfectly in notes, in google sheets, in google docs, and on a webpage, but not display at all in Excel or Word (again, just giving the empty box or box with question mark.) It’s not even just a general Excel issue, it works perfectly fine and displays correctly on Excel for Windows set to the same font (usually Ariel). As well as the previously noted Coptic script, the same issue has occurred for me with Syriac, Gujarati, Gurmukhi, Meitei, Ol Chiki, and Tifinagh (though Tifinagh is even quirkier, working fine in Excel and failing to display in Word)
Does anyone have an idea of why this may be happening, and what I could do about it?
If you want to try replicating it yourself, add the Assyrian keyboard in the iOS settings (no need to download anything, it’s in the “add keyboard” area of the settings) and try randomly punching some letters into a cell in Excel. Unless this is an issue exclusive to my phone the symbols should just appear as the previously noted empty boxes or boxes with question marks.

leaders #science #paper #hardware #event #feature #release #update #tool #scheduled

Yann LeCun underscores the significance of possessing a mental model of the world to plan a sequence of actions that fulfill a goal [1]. He also stresses the importance of high-bandwidth sensory input for effective communication, suggesting that text alone may not be sufficient for conveying information accurately [2]. LeCun has been discussing his proposed architecture JEPA, which he admits is challenging to implement [3]. He points out that generative architectures like Auto-Regressive LLMs are effective for text due to its discrete nature, but for continuous and high-dimensional signals like images and videos, joint embedding architectures (JEPA) are more effective [4].
LeCun criticizes the notion of measuring intelligence based on a single ability, using the examples of a chess-playing gadget and a symbolic manipulation program to illustrate his point [5]. He differentiates between retrieval and intelligence, emphasizing the importance of "innovative intelligence" in finding new solutions to novel problems [6]. LeCun believes that achieving Artificial General Intelligence (AGI) will not be a singular event, but rather a continuous progress towards more capable AI systems in various domains [7].
NVIDIA and Dell are partnering to transform enterprises at Dell Technologies World, an event showcasing the latest innovations in AI, multicloud, edge computing, and more [8]. NVIDIA is offering free certification opportunities at the event and focusing on generative AI, cloud services, AI enterprise solutions, and accelerated computing platforms [8]. The event will take place at The Venetian, Las Vegas, Nevada from May 20-23, with the keynote on May 20 at 10:00 a.m. PT [8].
Groq Inc is planning to increase their throughput daily to accommodate paid tier access, which will be available next month [9]. The company highlights the efficiency and speed boost achieved by using LPUs that act as routers and contain their own memory [10]. Groq Inc has been working hard on their enterprise program, establishing tiered services with a scheduled launch in June [11]. They have also shared educational content featuring solutions powered by Groq and LangGraph [12].
A detailed analysis of API providers for Llama 3 Instruct (70B) across performance metrics including latency, throughput, and price benchmarks providers such as Microsoft Azure, Amazon Bedrock, Groq, Together.ai, Perplexity, Fireworks, Deepinfra, Replicate, and OctoAI [13]. Groq and Fireworks are highlighted as the fastest providers in terms of throughput, while Groq and Deepinfra are noted as the most cost-effective providers [13].
1. Yann LeCun @ylecun https://twitter.com/ylecun/status/1792091888905851069
2. Yann LeCun @ylecun https://twitter.com/ylecun/status/1792106090135519732
3. Yann LeCun @ylecun https://twitter.com/ylecun/status/1792111543657672826
4. Yann LeCun @ylecun https://twitter.com/ylecun/status/1792112916302373247
5. Yann LeCun @ylecun https://twitter.com/ylecun/status/1792113984096665877
6. Yann LeCun @ylecun https://twitter.com/ylecun/status/1792115601193742596
7. Yann LeCun @ylecun https://twitter.com/ylecun/status/1792241250759774603
8. NVIDIA AI @NVIDIAAI https://twitter.com/NVIDIAAI/status/1792238797326786789
9. Groq Inc @GroqInc https://twitter.com/GroqInc/status/1792062249638732002
10. Groq Inc @GroqInc https://twitter.com/GroqInc/status/1792280209275687265
11. Groq Inc @GroqInc https://twitter.com/GroqInc/status/1792321572331458831
12. Groq Inc @GroqInc https://twitter.com/GroqInc/status/1792322151120339054
13. Groq Inc @GroqInc https://twitter.com/GroqInc/status/1792322933211509200

Hey gang! Like the title says I’m looking for a place to find decent quality, dnd style adjacent art. I’ve been using DrivethruRPG but I’ve heard of some guy making a whole adventure using shutterstock art. Granted that was like 3 years ago but still. Any good places to look for art to license?

My girlfriend and I were together for two years, part of it was long distance. We were previously good friends for 5 years, then she was the one that caught feelings and pursued me first. During our relationship she always told me things like “I’m the one”, we talked about how we would get married and grow old together, she made so many promises that she was 100% sure of me and that she’d never leave. She would say things like “we’ve known each other in every lifetime”. We got together even though I was leaving for a masters study, she said she thought she’d never do long distance again but for me it was worth it, bc she was 100% sure I’m the guy she wants. I left a week after we got together, and I was gone for about a year. During that time we visited once a month, it was always great. I eventually moved back and we spent another year together in person. I’m sorry if this post is too long.
She ended things about a month ago. During the breakup she gave me very vague answers so I couldn’t get the closure I needed. I decided to reach out a week after the breakup to ask why she did it, and what she said killed me inside.
She said that she knew we were compatible and I’m an amazing person but felt like she was settling for me, and she didn’t want to live her life like that when she thinks she can find something better. She said she believes in that soulmate connection with one person when you know deep inside you that this is “it”, and she didn’t feel like that with me, she didn’t think I was “it”. But we did say to each other during the relationship that this was “it”, she told me so many times that I’m the one, so I don’t know how a flip just switched in her brain. She also said she realized she didn’t love me in the way “real love” is, and maybe she just loved the idea of me. She said she always felt the need to be accepted and loved by people and I made her feel like that. She said when you truly love someone you’d sacrifice things for them, and she wouldn’t sacrifice things for me. She said she was forcing herself to be comfortable around me, and it wasn’t the type of comfort that it should be with “the one”.
How the fuck does it take you two years to realize you don’t love someone in the way “real love” is? Especially after all the emotional intimacy we shared. How could you be uncomfortable with me? I was her first kiss, her first hand hold, she said she was saving those things for the right person and she did them with me. Why would she feel like shes settling for me when she’s the one that pursued me first? She went all out to “get me” and be in a relationship with me. Am I really the type of guy that gets settled for? That hurts like hell. She said she was having all these thoughts during the last 4 months of the relationship. But literally a month ago, I felt that she’s been a bit cold, and I asked if everything was okay. She said “nothings wrong, I’ve been really stressed with school/work. But nothings wrong with us, maybe something’s just wrong with me with all the stress. But we’re good, that doesn’t mean I don’t love you or that I’d ever give up on us, I’d never do that. Don’t worry I still love you and I’ll always be here.” She said that word for word. So she was lying to me? Why would you lie instead of communicating openly? If she had told me she was having those thoughts it would’ve been easier for me, but she gave me that reassurance and then blindsided me a month later. I told her it’s normal to lose feelings in a relationship after a while, that eventually that initial spark or honeymoon phase ends, and that’s when the real relationship starts and you work on building a life together. Love eventually becomes a choice and not just a feeling. But she said she wouldn’t lose feelings with the right person. Now I’m the wrong person when she literally told me a million times that we were always meant for each other. I told her I think she’ll end up being disappointed when she realizes there is no “one” person that gives you that magical feeling for life, you eventually reach a point where you have to choose that person everyday. Relationships are hard and most of them end up losing that initial spark, but it’s an opportunity for a new kind of love to blossom, a love based off commitment and loyalty to each other. That’s the only way a relationship can last forever. And during our relationship we even acknowledged that fact together and we told each other that if the feelings fade we will always choose each other no matter what happens. It makes no sense to me. And if she actually lost feelings and fell out of love, that’s fine. But to say she never loved me in the way “real love” is, that makes no sense to me and it’s killing me inside. Have I just been blind and stupid the entire relationship? How does it take TWO YEARS to realize that? She said to me, “maybe you can choose someone and settle for them and learn to love them, but I believe there’s one person out there that is meant for me and when I find them I will know it deep inside me.” Yea, I believed that too. I believed it because I thought it was you. Just because I chose you doesn’t mean I’m settling for you or learning to love you. I thought you were meant for me. It’s so ridiculous I don’t understand, she used to be so sure that I was the one, she knew it deep inside her that I was. And now she’s saying that when she finds it, she’ll know. Well you knew it with me and now you don’t.
Part of me understands why she lost feelings, we didn’t really have a strong base. We were together for only a week before I left for a year. I feel like it wasn’t enough time for the physical attraction to build up and to get to know each other in person. By the time we visited each other, a lot of time had passed and the spark wasn’t the same as the beginning, it was kinda awkward at first. We got into a serious committed relationship talking about future marriage, before we ever hugged each other. She was scared to kiss me, maybe that’s why she said she was forcing herself to be comfortable. But eventually we kissed and it was great. During the visits it felt like everything was going great and that our relationship was getting stronger. I didn’t think that she was uncomfortable. I feel like if we had done all the intimate things in the beginning, we would have a base to build off of and the spark would be alive.
Also I keep blaming myself and wondering what I did wrong. I’m just certain that it’s my fault, that I made her lose attraction. Maybe I wasn’t manly enough or attractive enough. Maybe I was too boring or uninteresting or too “stable”. Being in love with someone basically means you have to be sexually attracted to them first, that’s what separates family love from romantic love. Maybe I didn’t do enough to keep her attracted to me, so she felt like she lost feelings. It was really hard with the distance. I tried, I really tried. I would always flirt and tease her, I tried not to let the relationship feel like it was a platonic friendship over time. I was always confident and “manly” with her, I stood my ground when she did things I didn’t like, I wasn’t needy. We sexted and video called all the time. I always planned amazing dates. I tried to keep the fun alive. I don’t know what else I could’ve done to keep her attracted. I truly feel like if we had been in person the whole time, it would’ve worked and she would’ve still been attracted to me. It’s just different when you’re there physically. But we both knew this, we acknowledged that it was gonna be hard and the feelings may fade, but we said we’d always choose each other no matter what. Maybe it was inevitable with the distance, but at the end she said it wasn’t because of the distance, she believes with the right person the distance wouldn’t matter. So I just wasn’t the right person for her, I was for a while, but I let her lose attraction for me. Your view on love and attraction may differ, but I learned that it’s the guy’s responsibility to keep a woman attracted, it’s about how he acts and behaves that keeps her attracted. So it’s my fault she lost attraction, it’s something I did. For example when I look back at the first visit, a mistake I made was asking to kiss her instead of just going for it. She said no, maybe because I came off as unconfident and that turned her off. I was so nervous during the first visit because there was so much expectation built up inside my head. Maybe that prevented me from being able to genuinely enjoy myself around her and attract her. Eventually though, we got comfortable with each other and we kissed and it was great. I felt the spark was there. I don’t think she met someone else, I asked her and she said no. Yea maybe she could’ve lied, but i know her and I don’t think she would do that. She said “you know me, I would never allow myself to do that while I’m in a relationship. The reasons are solely because I don’t feel in love with you anymore.”
We hit a little rut near the end because we were both very busy, but I didn’t think it was concerning because she always gave reassurance and made it seem like everything is fine. It feels like shit hearing that someone was settling for me. Why wasn’t I enough? I keep looking back and thinking what I could’ve done different to keep her attracted. I keep nitpicking at myself and feeling insecure about the way I am. She was so sure of me in the beginning so I must’ve done something along the way to make her lose feelings. She let me tear my walls down and trust her fully, then she left. It feels like I’m not worthy of love because she saw something in me and decided she didn’t want me. What hurts the most is that to me, she was “it”, to me she was the one. And she said that to me too and I believed her. I felt that she truly meant it when she said that. She would tell me she was always attracted to me and had feelings during our friendship but she “locked them in a box” because she was too afraid. She even told me that I was a walking green flag and that I was perfect and I did nothing wrong. It hurts to know she thinks that yet she still decided she didn’t want me. It kills to know that one day she’ll get married, he’ll get to hold her and kiss her and have a family, and it won’t be with me. I can’t stand the thought of her being intimate with someone else. And it’s the thought that, whoever she ends up with, will be better than me in a way. She will love him more than she loved me. He will make her feel what I couldn’t make her feel. And I’m blaming myself so much that I couldn’t make her feel like that anymore. I’m grieving the future that we both planned together. I feel so betrayed, I feel like shit. Most of all I just really miss her, we knew each other for 7 years and now we’re just strangers again.
I’ve been hurt before, I’ve had a few breakups, but this one hurts the most. I don’t know what it is about this girl that makes me feel like I’ll never find anyone better. I know that time heals everything but I feel like this has damaged me on a deep level, I feel like I can’t let my walls down again. I don’t want to love again and risk getting hurt. I can’t invest myself fully into someone if I’m always afraid they’re going to blindside me. I know a breakup shouldn’t define your self worth, but it’s just the idea that the person I loved doesn’t see herself spending her life with me anymore, that makes me feel really bad. It’s the thought that she saw something in me that made her decide she doesn’t love me. She analyzed our relationship and thought “I want someone better”. The thought that it’s my fault, that it’s something I did. I didn’t have enough “game”. I couldn’t keep her attraction high. I can’t stand the idea of her getting married one day and finding her “it”. Of course I want her to be happy but I’d be lying if I said that doesn’t kill me inside.
Nobody is perfect but she was close to it. She’s such a rare breed, she had everything I wanted in a woman and it’s so hard to come by. I wish I had a reason to hate her but she’s genuinely an amazing person. She did nothing bad to me, we barely fought and when we did it was very gentle. Our entire relationship was pretty much perfect up until the end. I’ve never been with someone that was this compatible with me. She’s the kindest human, she’s intelligent, she’s very mature, she’s beautiful inside and out, she’s very warm and gentle. And the fact that she’s such a sweet and genuine person makes it way harder. If she had cheated or something I think this would’ve been easier on me, because I’d see her as a bad person. But she’s not a bad person. It hurts way more knowing that she was feeling like she wanted to end things, but at the same time she was trying to convince herself to love me, because she didn’t want to hurt me. She didn’t want to break her promises, she was trying so hard not to, but in the end she couldn’t lie to herself anymore. Why do I have to feel like someone has to convince themselves to love me? Why does someone have to force themselves to believe I’m the one? Why can’t anyone ever just truly believe it with their entire soul, that they want to be with me. When I asked for reassurance and she told me she still loved me and would never give up, she was trying to convince herself because she didn’t want to hurt me. It was all lies. Every “I love you” in the last 4 months was a lie. I feel like such an idiot that I was sitting there for the past 4 months thinking that everything was going great. She was just faking her affection the whole time. Imagine hearing that someone was forcing themselves to love you. No one was forcing you! The exit door has always been open, no one forced her to stay, no one forced her to pursue me in the first place. I told her many times that I just want truth and transparency in our relationship, yet she hid all of those things. She said she hid them because she cared about me and didn’t want to hurt me, and she was trying to make it work. But if she truly cared for me, she would know that I deserve honesty, I deserve to know the truth even if it hurts. I don’t deserve to live in a lie. If she cared for me she would let me go find someone who truly loves me, instead of just pretending to love me. By lying, she was only caring about herself, to relieve herself of the guilt. The breakup would’ve been way smoother if she just told the truth from the start, but now I feel like an idiot who sat there for 4 months thinking that everything was going well, when in reality it wasn’t.
There’s so many things I loved about her. I loved the way she cries during every movie, she thinks she’s too sensitive but I think it’s beautiful to feel your emotions that deeply. I loved the way her face lights up when she smiles. I loved how she would call me just to tell me silly little things about her day. I loved her curiosity and wonder for the universe. I loved how she would run into my arms when she saw me. She just understood me, and I understood her. I can’t hate her, I wish I could, but I just love her with all my heart. I don’t think I’ll ever stop. Even when 20 years pass and I’m over this and we’re both married to other people, I will still love her and wish the best for her. I miss her so much, I miss talking to her. I know we can't be friends, but I really wish I could still have her in my life. But I shouldn't wish that I guess, because she decided she wants to live her life without me in it. I can’t believe she could decide to lose me forever when she always said she could never live without me.
The worst part is, I reacted to the break up very emotionally. I showed how hurt I was, I wrote a long paragraph, and I brought up all the promises she made. That was a mistake, it probably killed any ounce of attraction she had left. If there was any chance of her coming back or realizing it was a mistake, I destroyed that chance. I made it look like I can’t live without her. I didn’t beg for her back at all, but I kept pushing for answers and explanations. I asked her what I did wrong and stuff, and that made me look super desperate. I should’ve just accepted the break up immediately and cut off all communication. Maybe then she would’ve thought about it, she would wonder why I wasn’t upset and have second thoughts about her decision. It would make me look more attractive in her eyes. But no I ruined it forever. Now all I want to do is salvage some respect, to make her see me as a valuable person. Not as someone who can’t live without her. Deep down I really want her to have a change of heart, I want her to feel re-attracted somehow, after having some time and space away from the situation. But I ruined her image of me. Now I’m looking back and analyzing every little thing about our relationship and wondering what I should’ve done better. I realized I made a lot of mistakes, which at the time I didn’t think were mistakes, but now looking back it’s probably my fault she lost attraction. I didn’t do enough.
I told myself during the relationship that “everything is temporary, don’t get too attached, life can change at any moment”. I know those things because I’ve learned my lessons from the past, but this is still killing me. I know almost everyone has been heartbroken, I’m nothing special, every human has been through this before. I just need to hear that it wasn’t my fault or that I’ll find someone better eventually. I’m blaming myself a lot right now and I keep thinking that she wouldn’t have left if I had been attractive enough. I generally consider myself a confident person but this has set me back a lot, it’s ruining my self esteem. Maybe I have attachment issues that I need to work on. I know that time will heal this, but right now I can’t imagine myself finding someone that’s better. I feel like the idea of “the one” has been ruined for me. I want to believe it, but I don’t think I do anymore. Even if I find another person who I think is the one, there’s always the possibility that they will change their mind. There’s always a chance that all of their words and actions were just lies. A lot of people get into relationships because they love the idea of being in love, not because they are actually in love with the person.
Thank you for reading this far, I know it’s a long post. I needed somewhere to vent, I don’t have many people to talk to. When I cry, I cry alone. And during the act of crying I start to hate myself for being such a bitch. I know it’s perfectly okay to cry and feel your emotions but it’s hard to escape the conditioning that I’m used to. I have friends and family but, I can’t express my emotions the way I did in this post. People have their own lives and worries and they don’t want to deal with someone’s silly heartbreak I guess.
TL;DR - my gf and I broke up a month ago, she said she was settling for me and that I wasn’t the “one”, even though she made promises and assured me that she wouldn’t leave. I keep blaming myself and wondering what I did wrong.