my partner, who i love, has been working on changing. they are going to therapy, using therapy tools and making huge effort. they always admit their mistakes and apologise soon after they do something like yell o overreact. they grew up without a role model for love, and their family relationships are tumultuous- which I have seen. The family is a lot. They are also from a culture known for yelling being he normal.
Anyways, I am close with my family. My mom came to visit us after three years of marriage (international couple) and finally met my partner in person. The first few days were fine but the last day was awful. All the stuff my partner had worked on in therapy over the past few months went out the window completely. They insulted me in a catty way and told me they wanted a divorce twice in the same day, both in front of my mom. Both times they apologised after but it was INSANE that they did this in front of my mom, whose opinion means so much to me. She now told my family and doesn't feel like I am in a emotionally safe relationship. I moved to a different country to be with my partner so for them to threaten divorce is to uproot and change my whole life in a way that is so intense. International relationships are hard and we have had a difficult time as it is.
My mom and I cried on the last day, not how I wanted her to feel at the end of her trip. She supports and loves my other siblings relationships, but said mine felt like a toxic cycle of fighting and making up. I don't know what to do. My partner cried and apologised, asking for me back and said they would do more therapy and that they didn't mean it. They used to say that and I told them threatening the relationship is abusive when i have nobody in this country and that's a big reason they went to therapy in the first place. The fighting was over trivial sh*t like sharing housework and just little stuff I don't fight people over. Insulting me too. My mom knows i'm very non particulachill and knows I wouldn't ever get worked up about these things. She felt my partner talked down to me and was not pulling their weight in the relationship, which is true and I almost broke up with them before they started making those impactful changes.
Now my mom saw the way they treated me a few months ago before they started to change, and I was so upset in her visit those behaviours came out. When they said they wanted a divorce in front of my mom I almost packed my bags and left. I stayed in the end because they were telling me they are going to do more therapy or anything I need to try to change. They love me and I love them, my mom agrees to seeing their love for me and that it is a dysfunction in how they show it.
I told them I am taking time to decide if I should stay or go. I am married and in love with this person, so nuanced answers would be appreciated. They are a good person, but with bad learned tendencies from their family (which I have witnessed) and are actively trying to change.
On the flip, can I be with someone who would talk down on me and threaten our relationship in front of my family? It seems humiliating in an unforgivable way, or that's how it felt in the moment. I love them very much, but I feel at a crossroads.
Can people change patterns they work hard to change, and do not want in your opinion. And if they can, how long would I need to be patient to wait for those changes. They've been in therapy for a few months and had really made so many changes I asked for until my mom came... which is really really upsetting. We are in our early 20's and I just need advice from other married people. They have manipulative and controlling tendencies- and so does the family. I always call it out, they always apologise.
I know people say "if your partner wants to they will" and they are doing everything I asked, but how they acted especially in front of meeting my mom was nuts. They are in the process of changing. I am in the process of deciding to stay or go.
Mind you, it is a huge life decision as I applied for PR in their home country and paid a lot of money and we are married. My whole life would change drastically if I left, and they are my best friend, partner, and companion. They treat me right 80% of the time, but the other 20% is unacceptable. And they know that. I always tell them.
Drunk rant.

Hello fellow tutor aspirees, side hustlers, academic extraordinaires. I’m here to give you the scoop on the various tutoring platforms, how their services work, tutoring requirements, the types of students on each platform, and of course - how much you get paid for your time.
A little about me. I’ve tutored for a few months now on the following platforms: Varsity Tutors, Wyzant, and SuperProf. I’ve had a number of students on each platform, and it’s safe to say I’ve definitely realized the pros and cons of each one.
Wyzant
Money Info: You set your hourly rate. Wyzant takes 25% of it. If you set your rate to $20/hr you get paid $15/hr.
The Requirements: Each subject you tutor you have to take a 10–20 question multiple choice test on it. The test will be beginner to intermediate questions on the subject you’ve chosen. You only have one chance to pass the test.
The Pros:

• You set your own rate
• Tutors and students can freely schedule meetings on their own, rather than have someone assign you
• The user interface is better(mobile app, messaging system, teaching platform, etc)
• Students can largely vary(this can be a con too). You will get a wider range of students, who can be adults with various full time jobs.

The Cons:

• You are charged 25% of your hourly rate
• It’s very hard to get started as a new tutor. There are tons of tutors with a lot of reviews already.
• There are scammers(be cautious of people asking you to communicate off the platform)

Final Verdict
Wyzant is an easy to use platform that takes a while to build a student base. You’ll have to apply and reach out to students a lot at first before you start getting more consistent jobs. This can take a few months, so consider this before you start. The 25% fee is high, but certainly not unreasonable compared to other platforms.
Varsity Tutors
Money Info: Unless you’re tutoring GRE or LSATs, the flat rate is $15/hr, regardless of the subject. GRE and LSAT tutors make $28/hr. Varsity Tutors charges their students $50 - $75/hr.
Requirements: Most subjects do not require a test, however you do need to send in a video interview of yourself, mostly to confirm that you can speak eloquently.
The Pros:

• You are assigned students after declaring interest, so you can get started tutoring within a few days.
• Students are screened so you’ll mostly get students more prepared for lessons.

The Cons:

• A large amount of tutors will only make $15/hr, whereas they charge $50 - $75/hr per student. This can be a huge cut, and limit on pay, especially if you’re teaching harder subjects like programming, sciences, higher level math.
• The user interface is not as great. Basic functionality is there, but the overall platform is not aesthetic.
• You are legally not allowed to take students off the platform.

Final Verdict
Varsity Tutors definitely has the lowest pay amongst all the platforms. $15/hr to teach is what you can make at some retail jobs in the US. The platform can be better if you need to start making money immediately, or if you live in a country where the cost of living is lower. The amount you are paid is better for people who are teaching subjects that aren’t too difficult.
SuperProf
Money Info: You set your own rate, SuperProf takes 10%. The caveat, SuperProf charges students $39 a month to use the platform.
Pros:

• For tutors, SuperProf takes the least amount from your pay compared to other platforms.
• Students are generally more prepared because they are paying $39 a month to use the platform.
• The user interface is also pretty good.
• You can set your own cancellation policies

Cons:

• There are less students because of the monthly subscription fee.
• It’s very hard to get started as a new tutor. There are tons of tutors with a lot of reviews already.
• You have to teach your first two lessons free.

Final Verdict
SuperProf is very similar to Wyzant in that students and tutors can openly communicate and set up time with each other. The 10% fee is lower than the other platforms. But because it’s already hard to get started as a new tutor, and there are less students on the platform, it’s one of the harder platforms to build a student base.
Additional Notes
While all these platforms have their pros and cons. You can always consider tutoring independently. You do not need any licenses or business registration for tutoring in most places. Once you get a student base through Wyzant or SuperProf, you can take them off-platform and teach independently. The best part? You keep the money you work hard for.
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I was a bright student in school. Was bullied left and right after my best friend quit the school and I changed schools where I was bullied and beaten up. Even the girls made fun of me. This affected me to fail and repeat a year in a new school, and I went to do my undergrad in usa despite failing 12th. I didn’t go to an Ivy League which I should have but went to a top stem school which was top 3 for engineering in my major.
I did well in college, won multiple awards, competitions, despite past failures I had reinvented myself, when again I was setup in a false criminal case by another student. I had to drop out and have a criminal record even with a dismissed charge in usa. Fast forward my life is hell, no education and degree, no decent job, no prospects.
I showed myself to an astrologer since all else failed, and he said I am born in pushya nakshatra which is very auspicious. Now I don’t know, does this mean I don’t have a right future ? Because not one good thing happened in my life since 2015. I was only tortured, borderline fooled closing to be in jail.
I asked an astrologer who said I will have a good time in 2021, followed by someone saying good time will start with Jan 2023, someone said August 2023, someone said may, and now everyone said 2025 is my good year, apparently I have some more kasth for another year where I will be super low on confidence etc etc and have been advised to not make decisions. Just asking is this proof enough that Vedic astrology is a pseudo science and doesn’t work ?
Also I have been told according to the pandit to go into textile trading business ? What happens if I don’t ?

Olá! It's me! I'm Rickle Pick! Hello everyone!
So, I’ve been listening to some stories about Neckbeards and Kevins, as well as some Legbeards and Kevinas (Is that the correct term??). Well, most of the times I listen to those stories, I am reminded of some people I used to deal with in school. Specifically, this time, the tale of a guy, who I’ll name Roger Bacon for reasons soon to be explained. Sorry for any grammar errors, eu falo português! I also don't really know the posting rules here, so I'll just post it and see how it goes lol
This prologue is more of a compilation of stories that I think is needed before we get to the main shenanigans and awkward situations this guy put himself AND me into. If this generates any interest, I will post more specific tales of this weirdo! Long time lurker, first time poster, english is definitely not my first language and the whole shebang. I also never wrote a text this large, so go easy on me!
THE LIST:
Well, I guess it’s usual to make a list of people that appear in those stories, so I’ll make one just for you!
Me: Your basic musician-type nerdy theater kid white guy! Tall, thin with medium-light brown hair. At the time, I usually wore a leather jacket and sometimes a hat (not a fedora, a Chaplin hat. Also, where I live, hats are an acceptable attire choice lol). I kinda looked like the Once-ler from Lorax. At this time, I had just failed my second year of high school because of… honestly just lack of effort, mixed with undiagnosed ADHD and a bit of lacking in the ol’ confidence and self-respect department. At the time, I also was physically incapable of saying no and had a crippling fear of disappointing people.
Roger Bacon: 168 centimeters (or 5,5ft for the uncivilized) of pure muscle! Or at least he thought it was that way. In reality, he did have some muscles but was kinda chubby and flaccid. Not FAT fat, but athletic fat (???). He was mixed, light skinned, had shaved short curly hair, no beard (except for the inside beard) and his face was a special kind of oval, besides having a, "chiseled jaw". He always smelled like he had just gotten out of a day-long brawl with a french cologne wearing burrito. He wasn't an usual neckbeard, but he was a huge attention whore. Thought too much of himself, as we say here in Brazil: “Promised too much, delivered nothing at all.” His moto was: “Dude, I think she’s into me!”
For now, these are the characters, as the focus is to introduce you all to Roger Bacon as a person.
With the list over, let us get to the story.
FEBUARY 2018:
The year of 2018 started pretty badly for me. I had just been held back from 10th grade, had no friends and didn’t really know anyone. As most people know, high school in Brazil is quite different from America, as we start school in febuary and we share the same class with the same people all day, excluding language classes and extra-curriculum activities. This meant that, for the foreseeable future, I was alone. On the first day of school, I shyly sat on the last desk on the far right corner of the room, as I scanned my classroom to see what I was dealing with. A few groups of people sitting together, talking and greeting their friends, some loners reading or playing on their phones. The artsy girl drawing a beauriful woman on the white board. Some guy drawing a penis right beside her. Perfect balance. A normal classroom.
Another difference between our school systems is that we don’t really have clicks based on like Jocks or Nerds or Pretty Girls, it’s mostly people who connected in childhood or matched personalities, instead of connecting through roles and interests within the school. Not saying either one is better, just different. And yeah, the bullying situation is just as bad. I was bullied for my whole middle school and through first year of high school, and made a very specific group of low profile friends. So when I failed sophomore year I thought to myself “Screw it, if I’m going to be held back, that’s at least a second chance for me to grow an acceptable social life.”
All this elucidates how intimidating it could be for someone to join a new classroom full of mostly new faces. If you were unable to make a friend, you’d pretty much be on your own for the whole year unless an already formed group “adopted” you. So my mindset was to at least try and meet new people.
Well, have you ever said “I’m gonna do this thing I’ve never done before!” And got the worst possible circunstance you could get at the very first attempt? Welp, that’s just what happened. My strategy was to start small, and go talk to only one person at first, and then try to interact with a few of the groups as that was a bit intimidating (fun fact: we call “clicks “panelinhas”, spelled “pah-neh-lin-ias”, wich means “little pans”, because, you know, they’re closed groups, like a closed… pan. Idk, anyway), so I went up to this guy in front of me, and that guy was Roger Bacon.
He was almost lying on his chair, on a cool guy pose while messing around on his phone. He was also wearing a black sports tank top with a grey opened sweatshirt and the standard uniform wine-red shorts that were mandatory in our school, which made him look like a short and jelly version of Rocky balboa mixed with Kick Buttowski.
In real life, my name and his started with sequential letters, and because of this, we would sit near each other for the whole year, so I guessed he’d be the best person to interact with. I also KINDA knew him because we had basketball training after class in like 2015 and I went to the same church as him, in which I befriended his brother, Kevin, slightly, but didn’t have much contact with him because he had already graduated (I have some stories about basketball and church so tell me if yall wanna read them lol). I approached and gestured for him to take of his headphones (They were extremely loud, so I could recognize he was listening to the song In The End by Linkin Park).
Me: Hey! Aren’t you Roger? You’re Kevin’s brother, right?
RB, trying to sound stoic: “Oh, hey Rick. Yeah, it’s me… fortunately for you.”
Me: “What do you mean?”
RB explained: “Well, I’m the cool brother! Kevin was lame, and also had no friends.”
Me: “Isn’t he in a band with [insert band members]? They seem to be his friends…
RB: “They might look nice, but they’re all assholes. Don’t let them fool you! I’m the nice brother, Kevin is a dipshit.
To elucidate you: that band he said was made of assholes was the Worship band of the church we went to. It was also the worship band that I occasionally played the piano with.
I said, jokingly: “Guess I’m an asshole then! Because, ya know, I play with them more often than not”
RB: “No man, it’s just them. They’re just so infuriating! They never let me participate!”
Me: “Wow, that’s weird… I mean, I didn’t know you were a musician too! What instrument do you play?”
RB: “I play the drums, piano, guitar, bass and I also sing. But Kevin keeps me out because he wants to be the 'star brother'!”
I could tell he got a little heated, and went silent for a little while. I decided not to mention the band or his brother in his presence, 'cause ya know, that was pretty awkward lol.
I remember thinking to myself “This guy’s kinda weird”, because his brother was one of the nicest people I had ever known, and he also didn’t have the say on who played on the band, the worship leader did. I thought about confronting Roger with this, but I didn’t want to abandon my quest of finding a friend. And also, he seemed chill at first, if not a little insecure.
I was a little uncomfortable with this line of conversation, so I opted to change the subject. We talked a bit more about me having been held back, and he went on about how he was really good at math and chemistry, and how he could help me with my school stuff.
I was glad to have someone to help me, and even more, someone who apparently liked the stuff I liked. I remembered what he was listening to, so I commented on it and asked which song was his favorite, and we talked about Linkin Park for a bit. He said “In The End” was his favorite song, and then I mentioned I was a huge Linkin Park fan. He told me he was a big fan as well, but as we talked about it, it became a bit fishy. He never specifically said anything and just kinda repeated what I said. It became clear after a while that “In The End” was, in fact, virtually the only song he knew from that band.
That was the first time I noticed something strange, but only in hindsight, as at the time I just thought he really wanted to make a human connection. I remember thinking he was just excited to know someone who was open to talking to him, so I didn’t think anything of it.
Also, not everyone memorizes this stuff, and maybe he did only remember one song, for whatever reason, so I let that pass. I only felt necessary to include this information because it was, at least in some way, the first lie that Roger told me, a little sample, if you will, of what’s to come.
After we talked for a while, mostly catching up on our lives, the bell rung and our first actual class had begun, and I had the first-hand experience of this guy’s sense of humor. The teacher walked into the classroom and introduced himself as the new Geography teacher, and started a power point presentation about some of the subjects we’d be covering that year, saying “Please pay attention to this class, as you’ll need to know how our schedule will work”. Roger looked back and said “Huh, I guess this class is useless for you then, being held back and all, hahah”, which made everyone look at me and just kinda stare like I should say something, and he kept repeating the joke to anyone that showed any reaction besides just staring, adding “Amirite? Huh? Amirite?”.
I was kinda salty about this, but my people pleasing peapod brain couldn’t handle letting it show, so I just laughed and said nothing. I guessed it was a poorly thought out joke at first, but then Roger proceeded to make the same comment on every single one of the opening classes we had for both of the introductory days. There were 12 of them. He did it every time. Every. Single. Time. Sometimes he repeated it even louder, as if he didn’t think people heard it, because no-one was laughing.
“Ok”, I said to myself, “He didn’t mean to make fun of me, he’s just a little overexcited and probably is trying to make a connection and help me get acquainted to our classmates.”
Either way, I was very uncomfortable and annoyed.
Thankfully, this came to a halt when he was practically thrown out of the Literature class for interrupting the teacher mid-sentence while she talked about how important the first month of class would be for our comprehension of the whole subject. He made the joke four times. FOUR TIMES. I was beginning to think that I made a mistake, but well, the mistake was already made, at least I can try and understand him a bit, before judging.
The rest of the week went by and he didn’t get any better, but I got kinda used to it. In fact, I actually enjoyed having conversations with him at recess, when we could talk a bit more freely. And, as all things in life tend to do, it got weirder. Weirder in the sense that as we spoke more and more, I noticed a bit of a concerning pattern: every time I shared an experience I had, he’d share a cooler and more awesome almost equal experience back.
Some light examples:
I told him I went hiking for 2-3 kilometers on a trail by the beach. Then he smirked and said he went hiking for “at least 7 kilometers on a deserted beach that only his father’s company’s employees had access to and he saw a Gorilla. There are no gorillas in Brazil. Maybe in zoos, I guess, but definitely no gorillas.
I told him I was kinda sad because I had just ended a “thing” with a girl from my old grade. He “proudly” said he’s been dumped by his ex, Laura, after they dated for 11 months and made out aaaallll the time after school, and he even saw her “lady parts” once!”.
And then he went on to describe that shit for like 3 straight classes, adding more and more to the story every chance he had to speak, providing me with my daily dose of cringe in tiny bits of uncomfortable information at a time! Like a sporadic cringe snack! Sninge! Crack? Probably Crack.
ANYWAYS
There was also the time I told him the story of how I became best friends with a guy because we got into a fight in P.E.. We were arguing about some nonsense and he wanted to fight, so after he socked me on my stomach, I cheaply kicked him in the face so hard I almost sprained my ankle and then we started laughing (because I guess sometimes that’s all it takes). Phillip is my best friend for almost 10 years now.
Roger puffed up his soap dish chest went on for at least 2 classes worth of time about how he “beat up his last bully and broke both of his arms, and almost went to prison, but his dad is a lawyer and bailed him out”. Dude was 16, and I don’t think he’d need to be bailed out, but okay… He was, in fact, very badass.
Those are all approximations of actual stories he told me, because my ADHD memory is shit, but you get the gist of it.
My days were filled with endless stories filled with absolute bullshit, like a Gary Stu from a dying rpg campaign. (I have a story about a DnD game he participated in, but that’s for another time!)
Roger, not content with lying to me about anecdotal facts about his past that could be true but were almost certainly mostly bullshit (if not entirely), had a tendency to just negate reality when presented with facts in certain situations.
And example of this situation is the time we were doing a group assignment and a girl at least 3 meters in front of him dropped her pencil and he just kinda threw himself on the ground, picked it up and said “Here you go, Lana!”. She said “Thanks Roger!”, barely turning around and carried on with the assignment. Roger, then, turned to me with a sleek shit feasting smirk on his face and said:
RB: “Dude, do you think she’s into me??”
I contained a ridiculing laughter just in time to realize he was dead serious.
I said “I don’t know man… Doesn’t seem like it to me, but sure I guess.”
RB then straight up asked ME to go talk to her and get HIM her number. When I asked why shouldn’t he do it, he said it was “the wingman’s job to get the number of the girl” so that he wouldn’t “look weak for asking”
I said I’d do it, cause I genuinely wanted to see if he was right about her liking him (I hadn’t really understood the dynamics of the classroom, so I actually had no idea if he was actually right, just a gut feeling that yeah, he probably wasn’t).
I went up to her and asked for her number, explaining it was Roger who was interested in her and, as I pulled out my raging 2014’s Sony XPeria, I was swiftly interrupted by her delicately saying “Sorry! I have a boyfriend.” (She said the boyfriend part out loud, and stared at Roger)
I said “Oh, ok, sorry to bother ya!” and, as I was starting to walk back, I noticed that she turned back and glared at Roger. Later that day her boyfriend texted him, telling him that “He’s got to stop asking her out, and next time, if he wants to get rejected, he should come do it himself” He called him a moron. And then they both blocked him.
Well, that was embarrassing.
Despite having been turned down (for the 6th time now, I’d come to find out), Roger still maintained that she was “totally into him”, and it wasn’t just Lana. Any time he had even the smallest interaction with any girl, he’d say that they’re “probably into him”, or that “they made out at a party, but she was drunk and probably won’t remember”, or that they “sent him nudes last year but he’s already deleted them because he’s a good person, with morals”.
This went on for a while and, after about a month, Roger begun to dial down the crazy stories about how he’s a “badass and he gets all the girls but he’s single because he’s too good for them”. Until I started seeing a girl from another church I started going to. I met Janice () at the churches youth group, and we talked the whole time afterwards about lots of stuff. This name’s given because of her insanely similar laughter and demeanor of Janice from Friends. We clicked well and I was very interested in her, but my ADHD ass forgot to get her number, and remembered it only when she had already left.
When I told Roger, he laughed and said “I had just cockblocked myself” and that I’d “probably missed my only chance of banging a girl ever”. I was bummed, but clarified I didn’t really want to have sex before marriage or at least before making an emotional connection (I had just then begun to go to church, so I didn’t really get the rules, so it was more of a personal choice I always had in mind when thinking about dating. Also I met her at church so wtf).
He said “that was dumb” and, “even though he was a virgin, he’d dance the Devil’s Tango with the first chick he had the chance to”
“What about Laura?”, I asked. His face went from a confident smirk to an almost sad expression, and he blankly replied: “She didn’t want to, but I tried anyway at times. I even got a blowie once!” I let it go because I was very tired, as Mondays are hell on earth.
A few classes later, I went up to him and reminded him of our conversation and asked:
I said “Ooookay, but what about all those girls you told me were all over you? Didn’t they want to have some bum bum times with you??”
He was taken by surprise by this, and was visibly trying so hard to think of an answer for at least 15 seconds. He mumbled “Well…”, and like just left. Like he got up in the middle of the class, and walked away. Well that was weird!
He got back and I didn’t pry, thinking he had some kind of trauma, and I tried to change the subject.
I say “tried” because instead we were suddenly interrupted by a girl asking me if I was Rick. I didn’t know her or how she had materialized beside our desks, but later I found out that that girl’s name was Mary. She had blue eyes and was smiling mischievously, and I answered “Yup, that’s me”. She then giggled and said that “Anna wanted to make out with me after class”. Me and Roger were both very much taken aback by this, and I immediately thought to myself that this could only be some type of dare or prank (which it probably was), and was about to try and respond with the first witty joke that popped up in my monkey brain when, without missing a beat, Roger said “Rick’s already seeing someone!”. Mary was visibly surprised and said “Oh, you have a girlfriend??” with a look of disbelief on her face. Ouch. I explained that I wouldn’t say I do, I just liked a girl from church and we’re going to see a movie with some friends on Saturday, and that either way it was a pass on the making out sesh! Mary said “Oh, okay!” and started to walk back to her desk. I was about to make a joke and say that Anna could probably do better than me, when Roger interjected:
RB: “I’d like a making out sesh if she’s interested!”
Mary looked back with a visible “Lol, ew no” expression and just said: “I’m sure you would, Roger!”, turned away and sat down, laughing with her friends when she got to her desk.
Roger turned to me and said:
RB: “Dude, do you think she’s into me?”
This cycle repeated once in a while, so I’m not gonna tell you all of the situations that I felt like shaking him and trying to wake him up like Woody does to Buzz Lightyear in Toy Story. Exhausting, right?
Another thing Roger tended to brag about was that he did Martial Arts. Specifically, Kung Fu (Wushu). I would come to find out that, in the year before, he made a big scene to tell everyone in class that he’d just started Kung-Fu classes and, when no-one payed attention, he started a habit of punching the wall beside his desk, audibly making “hmpft” noises. When anyone asked why, he’d say he was training, and that his Sensei (Not shifu, he actually said sensei) had asked him to do that to strengthen his fists so he could harness all the strength he had, so one day he could put a hole through a wall with his fists.
He would also punch the school’s fireproof doors because, if you didn’t know, they dent pretty easily, and he would show me and tell me to bask at his strength and ability. That until I said I’d give it a try. He told me not to, because “I wasn’t trained” and “it could really hurt my hand”. I punched the door. It made a dent.
Roger said it was beginners luck and that he’s just a good teacher. I told him I really didn’t even make an effort to pay attention, the metal was just bendy and soft. Roger never talked about it again, and started only punching walls. For that, he would feel superior because, yeah I ain’t doing that. There were consequences for his wall punching habits, but I’ll address that some other time.
The last thing I’ll say about him for now is how clueless Roger was, how much he thought of himself and how he treated everyone else like they should (and would) respecting for what he told them, and not for what he showed them.
(I plan on doing another part eventually, with the story of how his disconnection with reality, lies, schemes and generally narcissist behavior eventually exploded back into his face.)
As a last bit of exposition of our circumstances, there’s an important part of our school life that fueled Roger’s social life’s demise.
Pranking was a big part of my class’ culture. There were also some people in my classroom who were bullied. The thing is: the bullies actually made fun of literally everyone else, which made it very hard to figure out if you were considered a target or just a colleague. They’d mess with people’s stuff, tie backpacks to the windows and hide pencil cases, but they would also do it to their own group.
Essentially, the only way to differentiate those who they considered normal schoolmates from those who were bullied was the frequency of the pranks and their demeanor in general towards those people. They would apologize for the pranks, ask to make up for it, buy you lunch, make jokes, try to laugh with you. I swear some of those guys were politicians in the making. Luckily, was very good friends with one of the guys in that group, I’ll call him Turkey, who was also held back a few years before me, and he liked my sister, so I was mostly safe.
Roger, on the other hand, THOUGHT he was one of the pranksters. Every time someone pranked him or anyone else, he would laugh knowingly, like he was in on the joke the whole time, and try to make jokes, only to further humiliate himself. And they would capitalize on that as hard as they could.
You see, Roger liked to portray himself as the “Mysterious-Badass-Quiet-Protagonist-Take-No-Shit-From-Anyone-Mr.-Steal-Yo-Girl” guy. This combo of personality substitutes was the recipe for the downfall of his popularity, and the start of the longest lasting pranks I’ve ever seen in my life, which will come if yall want another post. That prank is also the reason I named him Roger Bacon.
Because he was so into Math and Science (and into himself too lol) he also always wanted to look like the smartest guy in the room. The problem is that, as our first semester went by, it became clear that he wasn’t as good as he hyped himself up to be. Shocker, right? This was proven to be true when we were doing a chemistry group test, and I was paired with him and Anna, and we needed to calculate some entropies or whatever. He made a point of telling us to do all of the “easy ones”, and he would take on the more complicated questions.
The thing is, he was trying really hard to look like a genius, to maybe impress Anna, so every time he made a calculation, he would roll his eyes up and kinda vibrate a little. I guess he wanted to look like a genius mathematics robot, but instead he looked like he was trying to imitate an autistic person having a small stroke. I didn’t mind the Good Doctor amateur impersonation, because at least it looked like he knew what he was doing. Unfortunately, it really just looked like he knew what he was doing.
Each easy question of the test was worth 1 point, and there were 4 of them, and there were 3 hard questions worth 2 points each. We got a 4/10 on that test, and lo and behold, the only questions we got right were the ones me and Anna worked on. We were a bit pissed, not gonna lie.
Until the last time we spoke, Roger still blames Anna for his complete failure at this test for, in his words, distracting him because she was obviously into him.
But that’s just Roger, I guess!
I've got A LOT of stories about Roger and other neckbeards I've encountered, and I can't wait to tell them!
Until then, thanks for reading, and have a good one yall!

Tldr: my boyfriend and I are still happy and in love but have fundamental differences that come between us. His mental health struggles come between us and I don’t know how to save our relationship when it feels over
I have been in a relationship with my (F20) boyfriend (M21) for 5 years. We’re high school sweethearts. So while a lot of our relationship was when we were young and emotionally immature at times we have been there for such a big huge part of our lives and growing up. He lived with me in my parents home for a year before we did some travelling (separate and alone for 6 months) and then we moved out together to a bigger city where we’ve been for a year
He is my absolute best friend. He is my team, my biggest supporter and I love him very truly. We have our routines, we know each other inside and out, and it’s so comfortable to be around him. He truly is the sweetest and most caring. But I’m worried our relationship is over and I don’t know how/if I can salvage it
He had a really tough childhood and never processed a lot of these really hard things and that comes between us in terms of communication and also ways he copes/sees the future. He can be pessimistic and often has comments about how terrible things in the world are and how there’s no point in working towards certain things. After so long of trying to help him/be his therapist when he refuses to see one I feel burnt out and triggered when he complains about these things because for once I just want him to feel like he has hopes and dreams for us. I find that I have a shorter temper and I have these triggers from same conversations over and over. I like to communicate things out and he likes alone time to think and it often comes between us. I feel so unfair getting frustrated with him and I also feel frustrated that I ask for change and for him to take care of himself and see a therapist and he won’t. We just end up in the same arguments and then “moving on” only to find ourselves back where we started. I don’t blame him at all because I understand how hard it is to struggle with mental health and I want to always support him but I also want him to put the effort in to become better.
I do not want to end this relationship and neither does he but can we save this? How?

Its become increasingly difficult to take care of myself as all i think about is suicide, ive thought about it for a really really long time and i think my best option would be to get hospitalized. But last time i was hospitalized it was a really bad experience, i was 14 back then. I couldnt take anything but clothes with me, they had us on a super strict schedule, we'd get basically put in time out if we didnt follow it to the T, all we did was play puzzles and talk about how to stop being suicidal. All just to end up convincing everyone i didnt want to kill myself so i could finally get out and got no actual help in the end (other than being assigned a psychiatrist). Im now 19, turning 20 this month. I dont know how different it will be for an adult to get hospitalized, im scared I'll go through the same thing of just trying to convince everyone im not suicidal so i can be let out. Ive asked my current psychiatrist but they've been of no help. I also cant afford therapy or medication. I cant bring myself to do a single thing, i just want someone to help me at least a little bit but im not sure if anyone at the hospital will be able to do that and i really don't know of any other options. fyi: im from texas, ive gotten all my medical help here. My parents really dont care for my mental state so they will not help me either. I also have no friends to rely on. what do..

I also need to "tell someone".
I am in love with someone whose wife is cheating. I (28F) met him (44M) in 2021 when I was 25. We met at work, he hired me for management. I realized that the heart racing that kept me up at night for a month was something more than a health condition. I knew I loved him when he came back from the vacation he took. It was October. I feel this October since.
We had amazing relationships with no indecency from his side. He is a family man top to bottom. He is hardworking, nice, and humble even though he earns a lot. He respected people of humble professions and came from a humble background himself. That touched me. I don’t usually fall for guys with money. I am a hopeless romantic type-a-gal.
SO his wife. Let’s call her Kay(~42F). I suddenly stumbled upon narcissistic abuse paragraphs that fit the image even though she can give a picture of a perfect wife and a mother. They have 2 kids. As of what I accidentally heard with my own ears she treats them badly. As she treats her mother-in-law.
I knew what that type of a person she was and I was afraid she would leave him heartbroken. I was scared for him.
Anyway. I had an experience of abusive relationships in the past and our connection with him allowed me to talk openly about it. We shared messages in a chat app. I told stories about how I was fooled around and left heartbroken. In case we lose touch and he finds out about her infidelity. I wanted for him to have a safe space in me. To be the one to understand what he is going through.
But one night I received a threat from her on Facebook. She read my messages to him about the indecent and abusive partner I had and she recognized herself, I guess. She blocked me and sent a threat that she unsent but I saw the top of a message before it disappeared.
I sent him a screenshot of that in the morning and after that. We talked, and I saw a side of him I hadn’t seen before, he said that if I didn’t stop what I was doing, he might divorce his wife. I left him a message that I loved him since it was a war in our country and I didn’t know when I would see him again. I wanted him to feel support at least from me, because I’ve heard a couple of times how she’s mistreated him behind closed doors(I was on the phone, and she was yelling at him).
Later I was scared for his life. I hired an investigator who found out that she doesn’t handle her business properly and it’s a delicate type of business. Plus actively cheated on her husband, the one I loved with my whole heart. And I started leaving clues for his friend with the help of the same detective. I spent a lot of money on secrecy and everything, but then wanted to uncover myself to him and ask for forgiveness for getting into this. But I was afraid for his life.
I saw how some wife sold out her husband’s location to the russists and got him killed so she could continue living the life she wanted with her lover. It is a true story and looked to me like a pattern Kay might also go for.
Since I warned her potential customers online that her business was untrustworthy, she got very angry and started ruining my life. Using a platform of her business, she posted online untrue fabricated information about me, my health condition, etc. I was very stressed and even got into a hospital.
When I was discharged, I came back to normal life and sent him an email about what she was writing about me. He started apologizing and said he would fix it.
It’s been a year and I haven’t heard from him since. I sent him a bunch of emails asking for an honest answer. But I haven’t received any. She continued posting horrible lies about me though. She also hired some man to pretend he was a Police officer to intimidate me. She is insinuating that I am this crazy stalker who is sexually harassing him. And that's not all of the horrible things she's posting.
I ended my last email by saying I respect his choice to stay with her even though she is indecent and cheating because I love him and therefore I have to respect him as well.
I am crushed, lately nearly committed suicide, trying to live normally again, but I don’t know how. I still hope we will be together and I can make him happy, not just married.

I (F28) am part of a group of girls who meets to play board games and sometimes Switch games on the weekend. One of the girls (F26), who we’ll call Sarah, has been my friend for 5 years. The past 3 years in particular we've become inseparable, and I've considered her to be my best friend. She's very religious, I believe in god but have had some issues with organized religion, and we've discussed our views on this respectfully at length over the years. (This will come in later, and I have absolutely nothing against people who are really into organized religion I just had to take a break for personal reasons.)
She had been dating our mutual friend (who we met around the same time) for about a year, before breaking up with her a month ago pretty suddenly. Her ex (F25), who we’ll call Hana, is in the group of girls who comes over on the weekend. The whole group was surprised by the breakup, as prior to this they had been pretty seriously planning a future wedding and they seemed to have very few issues. Sara told her that she needed to work on herself, and maybe they could get back together in the future but that she wouldn't blame her for moving on.
When I talked to her about it, she said she hasn't been as involved in her church as she would like to be in this relationship and she wanted people in her life who put more pressure on her to go to church. So I tried my best to be more supportive of her, and when she'd ask my opinion on things in life I’d redirect her to her churches stance. She started going to church every Sunday, and I even went with her once to show my support. (But let her know that I was only comfortable with the one time.)
After that, she became obsessed with figuring out her sexuality. (Which I totally get, but the whole process was very strange.) She'd talk to me a lot about the boys at church. She seemed very focused on finding a boy who was hot enough to convince herself that she was sexually attracted to them, or rich enough that she could take it easy but didn't want to sleep with them or let them sleep with anyone else. All the while texting Hana her “self progress” everyday, and getting upset if she perceived Hana’s behaviors as moving on too quickly.
I told her list of requirements in a partner seemed unrealistic. (He had to be solid 9 or 10 physically, wealthy, didn't care if they ever had sex for the rest of their life, and let her do whatever she wanted on their dime.) And most importantly, to me, she wasn't treating Hana fairly. She told Hana that she wasn't going to date at all, and was purely figuring her life out. Meanwhile she had been telling everyone else in the friend group that she didn't want her back, but was just scared no one else would take her.
The comment was made gently, but directly, and I could tell it upset her but she changed the subject immediately.
A few days later, we introduced a new girl to girls night. She was a gem, but had happened to sit next to Hana by chance. The two didn't know each other, and maybe spoke a total of three times one on one. When the event ended, Hana gave her a quick hug and welcomed her to the group before asking Sara if she could walk her to her car. Sara declined passively, and everyone left.
I thought everything went well, but then Sara then called me. She ranted that they were disrespecting her by flirting right in front of her, which was super surprising to me. They hadn't flirted at all in my opinion. When I tried to calm her down, she accused me of trying to set them up. I said I wasn't doing anything of the sort, and she seemed to calm down.
After that she was very distance, and only invited me to spend time with her church friends as opposed to our usual one on one hangouts. I originally didn't think anything of it, but when I was there Sara began to openly discuss LGBT stuff with her church group in reference to both herself and me. This is a church known for opposing LGBT. I panicked (I didn’t know these people), and remarked that obviously we weren't trying to attack their beliefs. They all gave me a harsh look, most of all Sara, and stated that every girl in the group was LGBT. Sara then explained that she had invited me for that reason. I was beyond uncomfortable due to the lack of heads up, and they were all very cold to me after that.
The next day her Ex, Hana, called and told me that she wanted the new girl uninvited from the group. I was surprised, and asked if Sara had asked her to call me about this. She immediately began to dodge the question, and I told her that I couldn't handle Sara’s break up drama anymore. Hana asked what I meant by that, and I asked if Sara had mentioned why she wanted the new girl removed. This caught her off guard, and she realized that she hadn't been given any reasons. I asked if she'd give the new girl another chance, as she hadn't done anything wrong, and she reluctantly agreed.
After that Sara became more cold than ever, and texted me that I wasn't being a good friend. I asked how, and she didn't respond.
I tried meeting her one on one to see how things were going, and she was very distance. She seemed to be leaving her church, and was almost treating me like I was bigoted for asking about it. When a week ago it was her biggest priority. I dropped it, and tried to ask if she was okay overall, and she shrugged it off.
A few days later, she sent me a text that said that I no longer fit into her life, and not to come by her house. She then blocked me everywhere without any reasons. I tried my best to support her in finding herself, but feel like I was punished for being supportive of what she said she wanted last week just to have her decide the opposite by the next time I saw her.
I don't understand what went wrong, and I'm devastated.

"You should go to Hallett. We went last year and it was fun. A good track for Miata's"
My friend Gerry the Texan who along with his team brings several Miata's to races all over from Road America to Houston to Seibring. It's a great bunch of people who are having a blast racing Lemons. He told me that and it got me to thinking. We wanted to go to a new track this year and after the disappointment at Barber going somewhere and having some fun sounded good. Also Hallett is noted for having a smaller field so we could be competitive. I always say that Barber is more like a pro level Lemons race in that it attracts the faster and better prepped teams. Road America was like that too.
But first we have to fix the car. As typical, we wait until the race is almost upon us to start. There's the matter of how bad the car is bent from the last race where Manny hit the wall. They thought it was good but we need to check this.
After pulling the rear sub frame in hopes of replacing it we learn that a 90 is a bit different than a 91 subframe or a 2001 subframe. Supposedly it all interchanges but after looking over the differences, Youngest adds a few reinforcements at places the internet gurus say are the weak points and we put the rear end together and put it back in the car. Then we check the alignment. To my great surprise the rear camber and caster is spot on. I was shocked, but the crew did a great job that night fixing the car while it was up on jack stands. Using just a tape measure they got the car really close. Toe was out but the borrowed porta powers got the bent subframe where it needed to be.
We changed the oil and brake fluid, bled the system where we took the rear apart to drop the subframe.
Another project we attempted was to swap in a larger fuel tank. Manny who has been helping with the repairs found a article on the internet that said you could bolt in a NB fuel tank out of a 2001 or so Miata and gain a gallon of fuel capacity. Yeah, that is not possible. The tank has a hump where the car does not and would involve cutting a hole in the car which would be a bit noticeable. Not worth it for such a little gain. Good news is I now have two extra NB tanks if anyone needs one. A gallon would not seem to be that much but we are still dreaming of two stopping the car at certain tracks, stretching our mileage to only stop every two hours and 25 minutes and make a seven hour day with one less stop. It's not all about raw speed, strategy can make a difference. One less stop per day could potentially add ten laps in a weekend of racing at certain tracks.
After we got the subframe in and the car aligned Youngest pulled it all apart again. He was not happy with the bushings holding the rear differential in place. The rear has to move a bit so it is not solid mounted, it actually can pivot a slight bit. He felt the bushings holding it were letting it move too freely.
Once again we put the car back together.
All during this time Manny and FabGuy have been working hard on a new car. Manny got a little crazy on Co-part. First one Miata shows up at our shop. Then another. Then another. I started joking with the guys "Hi I'm Manny, I might have a Miata addiction". Yeah. So after a lot of looking we have three wrecked cars, one being a automatic that was absolutely destroyed. It had zero good body panels and even the front subframe was pushed back where it had got up on something in a wreck. I think the only things we saved off that car was a rear axle, engine, transmission and the hard top which was cracked but usable.
We then robbed enough body parts off of one to put on the other so we ended up with a mostly maroon car with a drivers side red fender, red door and silver hardtop. I say we but all we did at the shop was to take the cars apart, everything else went to Manny's garage where he and FabGuy installed the cage and built the car. They did bring it over a time or two to put in the air to install a few parts or when we aligned it. The build and fitment were top notch on the car, lots of nice parts went in, like a better seat and belts than we use on our Miata. Like most builds they were literally bolting parts to it the night before we loaded the car to head west.
Finally both cars are prepped and it's time to get on the road. Manny has a business where he uses two rollbacks and moves cars mostly to and from car lots and auction lots. So he gets the newer one of the two trucks and shows up at the shop Thursday morning. RacerGuy and I are already there and have hooked our camper to RacerGuys truck. I am leaving my trucks at home, but taking our race trailer and our camper. The plan is to hook the camper to RacerGuys diesel F250 and hook the race trailer to Manny's newish Chevy 4500.
The plan nearly goes off the rails when Manny shows up and I get to looking at his truck. Being in the business I can't not help but look at tires. His drives are terrible, two are bald, one is soft and one showing wire. I go to air up one of the bald ones and it's not having it. Air is leaking out as fast as it was going in. In Manny's defense his employee was driving this truck and Manny had not seen it in weeks. I had already loaded tire tools and extra spare tires for every truck and trailer in the caravan except RacerGuy's truck and I would have got a spare for it too if I had thought about it. With nothing else to do, we all jump in and start busting tires. Forty five minutes later we have four new drives on the truck and we are in a much better spot to make the long drive. I hadn't done any big truck tires for a long time, sold that part of the business. Still got it, just like riding a bike.
We find I40 and start clicking off miles. Manny has already told us the limiting factor which is that GM put a really tiny fuel tank in his truck so we are forced to stop every 160-180 miles for fuel. It slows us down but it's not all bad, we find a roadside BBQ joint that looks like a camper up on blocks that has a huge parking lot and a ton of customers lining up. Of course we try it out, the best BBQ comes from little places like that, not the ones with massive buildings.
We cross Arkansas and I think it was the first time I ever went that way westbound on 40. Came back the other side when we brought the box truck back where we bought it in California. We finally make Oklahoma and bent north to go to Tulsa. Did not see the Tulsa King anywhere, stopped in a Super Walmart and stocked up on groceries for the weekend. Hallett is in the middle of nowhere, so we are planning on eating at the track.
We get there and make our way into the paddock. This will be the first time we have every camped inside the track. They have a cross over with gates that close during when the track is hot and a tunnel for access when the gates are closed. The tunnel looks kind of tight, I'm happy to not test the posted height limits. It says our trailers should fit. Yeah we will wait.
We hustle to get the camper leveled and the generator cranked up. For the next three days it will run non-stop to keep the fridge cold and our lights on. We run the a/c but for the most part temps are very nice.
The next morning we are up and on the road after the drivers meeting. We go to Pawnee, take in some sights then hit Stillwater for some parts and pieces at a hardware store. We also gas up all our empty gas cans so we are ready for race day.
Back at the track Manny and Fabguy are unloading their car off the back of the rollback. It was nice carrying one and towing one car. They go out and practice a bit, come in and make some changes then go out again. It's a new build and everyone has realistic expectations about the car. We are all expecting issues as it takes a while to find the weak spots and fix them.
We get our car out and practice. We send three of the four drivers out and have them run a few laps. I'm about to get ready and go out when RacerGuy comes in and says he felt something pop. We get to looking and the adjuster is gone off the alternator. Look a little more and the bolt has broken off in the alternator. So we have a spare motor in the trailer but it is missing the adjuster. Looks like we need the adjuster, the bolt and the alternator. We make a few visits around the paddock to look for parts but none of the other Miata teams have what we need. Youngest goes into the trailer and in a small miracle finds the adjuster laying under the spare motor loose. He and Coach head into Tulsa on a parts run while Manny agrees to put me into their car for a few laps so I can get a feel for the track. I've watched a hundred laps on Youtube but nothing is like actually driving the track. I go out and don't push things too hard. It is a very worn surface with some patches, particularly in the groove of turn two. Manny's car drives a lot different than ours, you can really tell you have more power and grip. Their tires are a lot wider as well as having 30-40 more hp. They have been working on the car all day and just finished taking off the lines where they installed a remote oil filter, they were not Lemons grade and were leaking.
Just before dark Youngest gets the parts on the car. We also install a helmet blower, we are going to try to use the air to defrost the windshield. All reports indicate rain is coming Sunday.
Then it's dinner time. Our friends from Minnesota have brought pure Lemons art down in the form of a Chrysler Magnum wagon powered by a slant 6 that is mid mounted. It is a engineering feat and runs out nicely. Adam the team leader and I have been planning and they are cooking for us for tonight and we are cooking for them Saturday night. They show us up by putting on a feed with steaks and salad. I'm feeling bad about the fact we are serving hamburgers, coleslaw and potato salad the next night. It was great.
Saturday morning dawns and we are up and moving around. I give up waiting on a shower as the line is too long inside and try the outdoor shower. It has no roof, just walls. It was ok. The next morning I tried it again and it was freezing, no hot water!
I skip breakfast and get ready to get in the car. I want to get on the grid early as I still am not feeling great about the track. The laps in Manny's car did not give me much to make me feel really attuned to the track as I was learning both the car and the track at the same time. I want all the practice laps I can get in our car. The line up is me, Youngest, Coach and then RacerGuy bringing up the finish for the day. FabGuy is gridded about ten cars behind us and he is under team orders to take it easy to start the race.
We get out and start doing pace laps. Soon enough it's green and the race is on. A few laps in Fabguy blasts by me. So much for taking it easy. Going into turn 2 I see a car off track. I mean he's not a little off the racing surface, he's 150 feet off the corner and just about in the tree line. I wonder what happened there. I am starting to get the hang of the track and pick up some speed. Then I mess up early on and miss the line completely going into turn 9 from 8 and run off the track. I fire the car back up and quickly exit and head to the penalty box.
"what happened?'
"I missed the line and ran out of asphalt and talent all about the same time"
The judge kind of laughs, "keep it on the track" and sends me back out. Youngest has made it to penalty and looks the car over from my adventure in the dirt and grass and gives the go ahead. If you are going to mess up do it right at the entrance to pit road, it really cuts down your time off track!
I run clean the rest of the stint. I tiptoe around the corner I went off but run hard the rest of the track without pushing so hard I get off again. Then Youngest, then Coach. We are having one of the best days we have ever had at the track. Besides my adventure off track no one else has messed up. Our stops are clean and quick. Our times top to bottom are very similar and consistent. Something strange is happening. We are in the top 15 overall and since we managed to get put in B class we are doing very well. Only 50 cars at Hallett this weekend, the smallest Lemons field we have ever competed against.
Fabguy pulls off to go to the gas pumps. We are fueling on pit road but they are going to just fuel at the pumps this race. They aren't planning on winning anything so why go to all the trouble of getting all your gear on and doing hot pit stops? Fabguy comes off a little hot and the officials come over to tell them they were over the ten mph paddock limit. Manyy drives the car up to the penalty and Fabguy comes up and they are told they are good to go. Later Manny gets off the track and goes to penalty. They start in on him not serving the penalty for going too fast in the pits. "we served that penalty" The judge goes off "do you really want to argue about this" Later when they realize the team was right and the previous judge had not marked it off the offenders list before going on break. In a first the judge apologizes to them.
With about two hours left in the day their Miata is towed off. The engine is super hot and will not crank. All signs look bad. Later it cools off and will crank, but cranks with ease, signs of a engine that has lost all compression. Their weekend is done and Fabguy heads out to get a headstart on getting to work early Monday. The rest of us will pull an all nighter after the race Sunday.
I start doing the math and realize it's going to be very tight. We make our calcuations based on a normal 7 hour race day. Today is a 7.5 hour day which is a bit longer than normal when racing Lemons. I figured out the stints and got it wrong. We realize our mistake and run Coach a bit longer before we put in RacerGuy. It's going to come right down to the limit of our fuel mileage. We start planning dinner and cleaning up the paddock with about ten minutes to go when all the sudden we realize the car is not out there. We run to the pumps and find Racerguy there. He ran out and limped the car to the pumps but could not get all the way there. By the time we get the car pushed around to get fuel the race is over for the day. I feel like a total idiot, I could have ran another five minutes easily in the car in the morning and not had this problem.
But the good news is that somehow even after I went off the track and and then we ran out of gas was that we were still very good on the day. We had enough of a lead on the car behind us in Class B that we still had a 7 lap lead even after running out of gas. Even better our paddock mates in the Chrysler are putting a shellacking on Class C as well. Their Magnum wagon is running a Richard Petty scheme, they all have uniforms and the requisite trademark Petty cowboy hat and STP logos, only this time it means "Slow Through Paddock" signs and all. They actually shouted this out when doing the morning driving meeting when they were going over the rules. "STP, Slow through Paddock!" every time the officials discussed that rule in the drivers meeting.
We put everything away, rain is moving in. We are in shock about how well everything is going. Surely we will find a way to loose this race tomorrow. Will other cars be faster in the rain? Will we shoot ourselves in the foot and have poor driving and get multiple black flags? Will something break on the car which has been running great all day long? And who the heck is this Coach guy? All that and more when we wrap up this in the next part of this story. Stay tuned!

"Our perfect Father does not expect us to be perfect children yet. He had only one such Child. Meanwhile, therefore, sometimes with smudges on our cheeks, dirt on our hands, and shoes untied, stammeringly but smilingly we present God with a dandelion – as if it were an orchid or a rose! If for now the dandelion is the best we have to offer, He receives it, knowing what we may later place on the altar. It is good to remember how young we are spiritually." - Elder Neal A. Maxwell, That Ye May Believe, 1992, p.10
I just wanted to share a touching story from mission when I felt Heavenly Father turn my dandelion into a rose: (taken from my journal)
Today was a really rough day. We were working really hard but it was just one of those days when you gain a testimony that the adversary is real and he hates you. However, on such days, you also gain a testimony that God is real and he loves you.
We were on the #88 bus coming back from ________ towards the center of the city. As we got on the bus, we immediately saw it was full of school children (about 6th-8th grade) coming back from the 2nd shift of school. I was standing, talking to a woman sitting down who had helped us know which bus to get on, when I noticed an 8th grade girl, crying, right behind her. She was in hysterics, and several of her friends were trying to comfort her. But one by one, they gave up and sat down across the aisle, leaving only the girl and one of her friends sitting next to her. I watched as the girl, through tears and short breaths, explained to her friend whichever devastating event had happened that day (whether it was a family issue, a personal issue, a school issue, I don't know). The friend tried to comfort her, but the girl would burst into tears as she told then story, then would try to regain her composure, and then would burst into tears again.
It was during this time that I had the thought (and I am certain it was from the Holy Ghost): "You should draw her a picture to make her smile." My immediate response was, "No, that's a silly idea! A picture? Of what? A rose?!" Then, the words of our beloved former prophet Thomas S. Monson came into my mind: "Why... That would be a kind thing to do" ("A Legacy of Love and Service", Ann M. Dibb)
I excused myself from the conversation with the woman, and sat down in an empty seat across the aisle from the crying girl. I pulled a pen out of my jacket, and searched for a piece of scratch paper in my pockets. I didn't remember have a scratch piece of paper, but as I put my hand into my right jacket pocket, my fingers touched paper. I pulled it out, and recalled that earlier that day, I had had a specific prompting to grab that piece of paper (which had an investigator's Skype written on it) with plans to contact the investigator through Skype (that never ended up happening that day). I thanked Heavenly Father and tore off a small square. On the square, I drew a rose: not a very good one, but for someone with little artistic talent skill on a bumpy bus with a cheap black pen, it did the job. Then, I wrote the following: (in the country's language)
Here is a rose
To make you happy
And not to cry
Everything will be okay.
God loves you.
I tapped the young girl on the shoulder, and she turned around, surprised and with tears in her eyes. I handed her the note, and then stood up and returned to my companion's side in the middle of the bus. Behind my back, I heard the girl's friend let out a gasp of joy! I turned slightly, to see, and I saw that the girl was no longer crying. She had a smile on her face, and was trying not to hold back giggling (not the "a cute boy just handed me a note" kind of giggling, but the kind of giggling that happens when you were just inconsolable and something shocks you into happiness). She was showing her friend the note and soon all of her friends gathered around her to see what had brought such a smile to their friend's face. Pretty soon, others on the bus who sat around her began to ask what was on the note. An older woman who sat in front of them asked to see it. Before you knew it, almost half the bus had seen the note (or at least it felt that way).
Immediately after seeing her smile, I thanked Heavenly Father: "Thank you for doing such a wonderful thing for that girl, Father." A little while later, I glanced back at the girl and saw her looking down at the note, holding it in her hands, not taking her eyes off of it, with a smile on her face. I saw her friends look at me, and she smiled at me, and in her eyes were the words "Thank you". I thanked Heavenly Father again.
The rest of the ride into center was different. The girl joined the rest of her friends, and they laughed together as they talked about whatever 8th grade girls talk about. I tried to talk to a few people by us, but they weren't in a talking mood. As we got off the bus, I turned back once more and waved to the girl and her friend. They waved back. No tears. Just a smile.
Thank you, Heavenly Father. I felt more like an observer than a participant in the whole event. Thank you for what you did for her. She knows you love her. She felt your love. You were right. It was a kind thing to do.
At the end of such a difficult day, it felt like that was the only thing I had to offer, my "dandelion" which Heavenly Father had turned into a rose.

I (34f) took my ex (28m) back after he asked me and told me life wasn’t the same or as fun without me. He is very emotionally immature in some ways (jokes too inappropriately and used to gaslight me because he is rude and wanted me to accept his “humor” that was downright abusive sometimes) but has grown significantly (has better boundaries and communicates more calmly, is more fair and apologizes/changed his “joking” behavior significantly) and wants to change-but I have overwhelming anxiety around him now due to trauma (we both traumatized each other) and history. When it seems to subside, something new comes up and I panic, or get very depressed. Currently I am fighting back sobbing at work because even texting him hurts some days.
Any time he starts to be who he was when I broke us up I lose my cool. I can’t feel safe. I feel constantly exhausted and he still is insensitive and stoic at times. I don’t know if he is actually feeling guilt for things he has done that hurt me or if he is just people pleasing again so I don’t leave him. I fear we are addicted to our patterns and no amount of couples counseling will help. We have been going to counseling for 1 month or so, and while I like our counselor, and he makes great points, I fear most of the therapy talk goes over my partner’s head and he misses the point. Now he says, “we’re working on things, I am better now” instead of asking what he needs to do to improve. He is still avoiding changing his behavior entirely. My sister said it seems emotionally “lazy”. I think he loves me a lot and me him, but sometimes it feels like we are clinging to a dead relationship.
The main issue is I keep holding on too tight and when I let go, he just is barely available. He’s amazing in person and he will send me memes, but he prioritizes work so much so it has become his whole life. He has work friends and I am soooo happy for him bc he is an introverted nerd and used to cling to me for friendship, but throughout the week he will get busy and I feel forgotten. I end up checking in “too” much or panic when I don’t hear anything. He usually won’t text me until he notices I am not bugging him. I feel it’s against my personality to not text at least daily, bc that’s how I treat everyone I love. In a nutshell it’s an anxious-avoidant trap. I really don’t think my needs are crazy…text me without prompting? Plan without me always initiating? Apologize when u hurt me even unintentionally? Plan with me instead of leaving me in the dark?
He resists thinking he is the issue because I blow up on him when I am worn thin from trying everything in the world to communicate my feelings and needs. He uses it as a pass to not change. I don’t accept my behavior as good and I really need to regulate my emotions better. But it feels as if as soon as I acknowledge that, he thinks he is off the hook.
And I also don’t give him enough credit because I am still sore af from past actions.
I fear I am too old for him now, emotionally and physically. But I see growth so I am hesitant to leave someone I once considered my best friend. 3 years later though and Idk how much longer I can hold on, when it sometimes feels like relief to let go.
So do I let go?
Please be gentle, thanks.

Buckle up, this is going to be confusing and long. I have to say from now that I actually have major "memory gaps" from alot of what happened and most of what I'll say from now is information I had to gather from people who were around me when this happened.
Last week, in school, I was sitting with my friends in the cafeteria area. I looked at my watch and realized the date of the day and thought "my dad is coming back today from traveling" (he was in another country), I just remembered a past memory of him yelling at me and abusing me. Now the thing I don't understand is that suddenly I kept having multiple "flashbacks", both visual and auditory, of the abuse my family put me through, including my dad. I wanted it to stop but I realized I couldn't, I was literally paralyzed on the outside. I tried to nudge my friend beside me but I could barely twitch my finger. (she was distracted with my other friend and had her head turned away from me). The best way I could explain the "flashbacks" is that it was like if you had multiple Tvs around you playing multiple movies, aka memories, all at once at high speed and volume.
I realized my heart was beating very fast and loudly, and even in less stressful situation than this one, feeling my heart makes me anxious. Luckily one of my other friends came to sit with us and noticed how I was. I tried with all my strength to talk to them and tell them what's happening but I was "paralyzed" and couldn't tell them. I was already extremely distressed and realizing how badly I couldn't react made me start crying involuntarily and they called the doctor assuming I was ill. Obviously the doctor realized I wasn't sick and told me to just drink juice. The more she asked questions and the more I didn't respond, the more she got frustrated at me. By that point they called my sister who also got mad at me for not talking. By then, the break had ended for a while and I don't know how but I ended up in my classroom, I think i just literally walked there but I don't remember doing that at all. Then I sat down on a chair next to the supervisors table and, once again, I don't remember what happened but I realized time had passed and there were multiple people surrounding me and one of my friends was on her knees infront me trying to talk to me. And when I realized I don't remember her walking up to me at all, talking to me, kneeling down beside me, I was so frightened and just started sobbing. I don't remember much from here but I do know, from my friends, that the supervisor told everyone to go back to their class. I should mention that my class was less than a few feet away from the supervisors seat, she doesn't have a private office.
I just started sobbing and sobbing and the only person I wanted was my closest friend, who I'll call "S", who knew me more than anyone else. I was scared of my dad so badly even though I knew he couldn't do anything in school. Again, I somehow ended up in another area near the supervisor's table and I was hugging S so hard her arms turned red. My mind felt hazy and then I glanced behind her for a second and I fucking saw my dad just standing there. I knew there was no fucking way he was there, I go to an all girls school, 3 floors up, and he was in a different country, but I was so confused. I half believed and half didn't. I was so horrified and I kept telling them he was there but they told me no one was there (from my friends' narration).
This kept going on for a while until I just somehow ended up in the bathroom, laying down on the floor, and a few teachers and people from the administration were surrounding me. I genuinely don't remember how I ended up there. It got so bad my sister had to call my therapist, and I yelled at the phone that my dad was there and he was going to hurt me but even I knew that was ridiculous but I couldn't help it. We had to hang up on her through. After a long while I managed to stand up and I was beside my class, my class door has a window thing you can look through and then it hit me that all of my classmates are seeing this and it scared me again.
My friends told me later that someone opened the door and I ran in and grabbed one of my closest friends who also knew about my dad's abuse and yelled at her something like "tell them I'm not lying tell them tell them" but the thing is I don't remember who "them is" or what I meant by lying I really don't. They kicked everyone in the class out and I ended up just sobbing for a while again. I don't remember much and my friends had to leave so I don't have any information of what happened. I ended up going home and they gave my mom a warning.
So fast forward to yesterday, on Tuesday. I was having a completely normal day, and then an hour into school, I just felt "weird" and started banging my head hard and alot on my table. Luckily the tables aren't that hard, I don't know what the material they're made out of is called but they can't really do much, it's hard but weak. My friends sitting beside me had to grab me with all their strength because, again from their narration, I kept trying to fight against them to hurt myself. The administration came in and kicked everyone out and I just kept trying over and over again to harm myself. Apparently I even tried to take my clothes off but they stopped me. But everyone saw what my upper body looked like I think. And I ended up downstairs 3 floors down in the principals office, I don't remember how I ended up there. I was screaming crying and begging for S and my favourite teacher, they wouldn't bring S but they did call that teacher. She kept hugging me and comforting me. Then they tried to make me leave to my driver who was outisde the gate. When they got me out to the gate i for some reason just ended up on the floor sobbinf and I don't know why. Then I looked behind me and my dad was there. It wasnt a delusion or whatever he was there. Enough time had passed for him to have time to come. They also called 3 male teachers from the boys section to carry me. When my dad held I can swear I screamed like I was tortured alive. The more he held me the more I was distressed and scared. I don't know what happened but he left and they called my mom to pick me up instead. (I live with both my parents but my dad has a busy job and had to go back to work for emergencies whole my mom stays at home). I went back home and the rest is too much irrelevant details I don't wanna focus on. Theres only one week of school left with exams, in the exams time we stay only 2 hours in school and leave, there's no classes or anything like that. And now the school is refusing to let me go back to my classrooms, they said I'll have to take the exams in the administration room.
I genuinely have no idea what's going on with me, I've done so much research but I haven't even found anything that could be a basic assumption or theory or idea or whatever of what's going I'm so confused I hate this and I'm stressed and now everyone at school knows I'm being abused by my dad. Please if you have any idea what's goin on with me, even if it might sound ridiculous or whatever please please tell. And I know I have to go to a psychiatrist or psychologist but we're still in the middle of dealing with that so yeah. Also no one in my family has a history of mental illness especially with something like this.

For some background information, before my, M18 boyfriend, M18 and I started to date, I used to have a crush on his best friend. Though, it wasn't really a crush, I was projecting my middle school friend onto him. Long story short, that middle school friend gave me a lot of trauma. He outed me as gay to the whole school causing me to be beaten up everyday. I had unresolved feelings for him so when I saw my current boyfriend's best friend, he resembled my old friend in some ways, so I fell hard.
My boyfriend doesn't know about my trauma, but I've told him several times I am uncomfortable with being public with him. He doesn't really seem to respect that, and one day we were in the gym closet, when he went to kiss me. At first, I allowed it because I am madly in love with him!! But someone walked in, so I shoved him in the basketball net and accidentally caused him to get a bruise on his head. Now, I understand I may have been the butt face there, and he was very angry with me. He ended up taking some space, and in the meantime I met up with his best friend in the bathroom.
He started to ask me why I hadn't responded to his texts asking to hang out. I was super embarrassed, but when I checked, I realized I had his number blocked. I realized then and there that my boyfriend blocked him when I slept over the other night. He probably felt super jealous, so even tho I was mad, I declined hanging out with him all together.
I guess my boyfriend was coming to apologize, but he ended up seeing us together and threw the drink he got me at my back. It hurt me super bad. I was filled with rage. We ended up arguing in the hallway, and I couldn't contain my anger. Not only was I mad about getting pelted with a drink, but who did he think he was by blocking his number? My boyfriend accused me of only dating him out of pity, because I couldn't date his best friend, and it really hurt me. I tried super hard in the relationship, and to see that being ignored, had me pissed. I told him it was true, but it wasn't. I was talking out of my ass. He started screaming in the halls that he loved me, so I shoved him away. I was scared someone would hear. .
He told me he found an old picture of my middle school crush, the one that outed me and I, where I crossed his face out with sharpie. He was asking all of these personal questions, like if we dated and the school found out and that's why I'm scared to be in public with him, and even when I told him to stop, he kept going.
I can't explain what I was feeling in those moments. So I began to hit him. Before I realized it, he was bleeding pretty bad out of his nose. I had blacked out completed and didn't even realize I did it until it was too late.. so, AITB?

Hello! My name is Ralph and I am 36. I am looking for friends and also my future bestie.
I am 36, and I am flight crew so I get paid to travel the world. I live in Florida but since I travel for work I am not on any specific sleep schedule and time zone, and I am naturally nomadic since I travel full time. I am married, I have been with my wife for almost 13 years. But I still need friends!
I am a nerd and I also produce electronic music, such as house, drum and bass, trance, etc. I love gaming and I am a huge gamer.
I am looking for friends who are like me. People who get my level of sarcasm and can vibe with me from the beginning and laugh with me, etc. I am extremely picky with the friends I choose.
If you think you can become friends with me or one day my bestie, message me! The bestie thing takes time, it just has to happen. But message me and let’s vibe!!! I am eventually though looking for my best friend. Someone who I can be friends with and get along with, someone who actually gets along with my wife which isn’t hard. Being friends with her isn’t a requirement though. Someone who gets me, and I get them, and we laugh, hang out one day and in general, and overall just an awesome best friend.
If you are fellow airline flight crew, feel free to message me too! It would be cool to talk!
US only! I am looking for real life friends not just online. Let’s talk! :)

So weird and I’m not sure why although I can speculate. So I came here for a destination wedding and planned to stay for an extra week after to coincide with my bestie and mutual friend being here too. My bestie’s family lives here while our mutual friend has her mother here at the same time.
The wedding weekend was wonderful and we had an amazing time. Prior to the holiday, my bsf was gushing about how much time we are gonna spend together, all the things we are gonna do etc. for the past two days (almost running on the third) I have not seen her at all.
She will message to say let’s make plans to meet but when I follow up, she doesn’t come through. She will take hours upon hours to respond and in that time I am literally waiting to see if she is coming or not (I still do my own things anyway). So I’m just left hanging for ages and then she will say a last minute thing like ‘oh I’m going dinner with my family now, join us’ knowing that I’m not ready and had no clue what the plan was. Almost as if to invite me on a plan where she knows my hands are tied when it comes to preparing for it because it’s so last minute. And I’m not a spontaneous person. It takes me ages to get ready. Now I’ve asked a bunch of times what the plan is for the next day and she comes with an unrelated response without answering my question. I’ve been asking for the past few days that I want to go to the beach and this is the only day to go since there is an event happening that we all spoke about going to. Yet, no response. Nothing.
My mutual friend is with her mother so I get that but even she was enthusiastic about the beach the other day but now is not responding to me either.
So I guess I’ll spend another day alone but it really wasn’t what I expected. Had my friend simply told me she had to spend time with family and wouldn’t have time to meet up then I would understand and not have extended my trip for this long. I just feel incredibly sad and lonely and will probably cry some more tonight.
TL:dr I think my friends are avoiding me and not wanting to spend time with me while we are all here on this holiday even though they said we would spend the whole time together. Feeling like a burden and incredibly lonely. How should I communicate with them about this?

I'm a 26 year old autistic man and transgender (it is relevant to the story) from England and basically I moved from Cornwall to Preston to live with my girlfriend. Basically I used to be a very introvert person but since moving here 3 years ago in the past year I've wanted to make some friends so I did just that and went to a pub one day and met an older guy (58 year old man) who I considered a good friend.
Well anyway I've known him about a year maybe and he was a nice bloke, we would share rounds of drinks and that. He told me had suffered 2 strokes and a heart attack, he also lost his dad who he was close too about 4 years ago. I helped him as he helped me become more sociable. I had him on Facebook and WhatsApp as a contact who I'd message.
After about 3 months of knowing him he told me he fancied an 18 year old, he was telling me lets go and meet him all the time at his work place which i thought was really weird but I didnt believe him that he actually liked an 18 year old. But it was just weird in my opinion It turned very weirder when he got rejected by him. He would go on about hating black men but he'd "joke" that he would shag a black man because the size of their penis to which I thought he's drank too much il just ignore him and go home for the night. He then got creepy towards me saying because I'm trans he would like to have a 3some along with another trans person and when I turned it down he said he hated trans people and that were perverts to children. I then stopped hanging out with him for a while due to his racism and transphobia. My girlfriend was aware of this and agreed that I shouldn't hang out with him.
In August last year I went out and met him randomly whilst we was in the same pub and he apologised and said he didn't mean any of it and that he was drunk and being really stupid. I was sat with another friend of mine and he said just talk to him basically. He was fine and I forgave him. That same night I was sat in a pub and I had left my phone with my friend whilst I went for the toilet. To which I came back and it was gone. I looked everywhere and even broke down crying I asked him if he had seen it and he said no. I was crying and went home but realised I had a tracking app on my tablet at home to locate it. Well sure enough it came up to his house when I googled the street! So I demanded my phone back and he said yeh he had it and that it was a joke and that he was going to give it back anyway. I decided that was absolutely it and I'd never meet him again.
I was getting on with my life I was getting help for all my problems I was facing with autism and had him blocked for ages. My friend messages me one day out the blue saying basically he is threatening suicide because I had him blocked and that he had been sectioned because of me. I unblocked him and sent him a message saying "I want you to leave me and my friends alone for good I don't want anything to do with you" he told me he wanted to meet me and talk to me face to face and I did... I probably shouldn't of done. Anyway I made friends with him stupidly but didn't hang out with him as much.. my girlfriend always said he picked on me cos I'm considered a very vulnerable adult.
To the point I'm getting too this was just context. I've not met him for a drink since January I told him I didn't want to go out as I was focusing on university and to be true I lied to him a lot because I didn't wanna meet him. Ever since I said that to him he's been driving his car past my house and taking pictures of it and sending it to me on WhatsApp. Now he's faking heart attacks and that if I don't talk to him he will kill himself, he's not leaving me alone (I have blocked him) but he's been texting me on unknown numbers so I can't block those threatening if I don't talk to him he will tell everyone I know that I'm transgender, that I'm autistic and desperate for a job to the place I applied for for a job. He has stalked me to find out where I live basically and
I love Beth Evans she was my best girlfriend

Hello! My name is Ralph and I am 36. I am looking for friends and also my future bestie.
I am 36, and I am flight crew so I get paid to travel the world. I live in Florida but since I travel for work I am not on any specific sleep schedule and time zone, and I am naturally nomadic since I travel full time. I am married, I have been with my wife for almost 13 years. But I still need friends!
I am a nerd and I also produce electronic music, such as house, drum and bass, trance, etc. I love gaming and I am a huge gamer.
I am looking for friends who are like me. People who get my level of sarcasm and can vibe with me from the beginning and laugh with me, etc. I am extremely picky with the friends I choose.
If you think you can become friends with me or one day my bestie, message me! The bestie thing takes time, it just has to happen. But message me and let’s vibe!!! I am eventually though looking for my best friend. Someone who I can be friends with and get along with, someone who actually gets along with my wife which isn’t hard. Being friends with her isn’t a requirement though. Someone who gets me, and I get them, and we laugh, hang out one day and in general, and overall just an awesome best friend.
If you are fellow airline flight crew, feel free to message me too! It would be cool to talk!
US only! I am looking for real life friends not just online. Let’s talk! :)

Hello! My name is Ralph and I am 36. I am looking for friends and also my future bestie.
I am 36, and I am flight crew so I get paid to travel the world. I live in Florida but since I travel for work I am not on any specific sleep schedule and time zone, and I am naturally nomadic since I travel full time. I am married, I have been with my wife for almost 13 years. But I still need friends!
I am a nerd and I also produce electronic music, such as house, drum and bass, trance, etc. I love gaming and I am a huge gamer.
I am looking for friends who are like me. People who get my level of sarcasm and can vibe with me from the beginning and laugh with me, etc. I am extremely picky with the friends I choose.
If you think you can become friends with me or one day my bestie, message me! The bestie thing takes time, it just has to happen. But message me and let’s vibe!!! I am eventually though looking for my best friend. Someone who I can be friends with and get along with, someone who actually gets along with my wife which isn’t hard. Being friends with her isn’t a requirement though. Someone who gets me, and I get them, and we laugh, hang out one day and in general, and overall just an awesome best friend.
If you are fellow airline flight crew, feel free to message me too! It would be cool to talk!
US only! I am looking for real life friends not just online. Let’s talk! :)

I wrote code to calculate the total amount of time it takes to repair a generator with the four generator perks. This is a simulated estimation this means, it is worth no value if my environment is wrong. I used values provided by the official wiki and findings by the community.
Here are the numbers relevant to this finding:

• Skillcheck Chance
  • Default: 8% per second
  • Deadline: +10% per second
  • Hyperfocus: +4% per stack
• Bonus Progression
  • Default: +1% charge
  • Hyperfocus: +0.30% per token
  • Stakeout: +1% charge with minimum 1 token
  • Bardic Inspiration: d20 [2-10 = +1%, 11-19 = +2%, 20 = +3%]

Assuming that the player is injured, inspired(+3), have atleast one Stakeout token, hitting every skillcheck with Greats... it should only take 31 seconds to repair a generator. Considering this is 4 perks... This will be insanely overpowered in a SWF, if your friends can protect you and make sure you repair undisturbed. You'll fuck over the killer if there are two players with this build.
If you need to remove perks:

• God-Level: NO Stakeout
• Intermediate: NO Hyperfocus
• Two Perks: USE Deadline + Bardic

Here is my code, written in Wren
I am not the best programmer, only a novice, I accept code criticisms in my private messages Link to run code online:

import "random" for Random var Roll = Random.new("Tryndamere".codePoints) var Results = List.new() var Repair = Fn.new() { var time = 0 var generator = 90 var charges = 0 var bonus = 5 // Default +1% Progression Bonus + Bardic Inspiration(r20[+3%]) + Stakeout(t1[+1%]) var focus = 0 var debounce = 0 // Game seems to reduce the number of skill checks that appears while (charges <= generator) { time = time + 1 charges = charges + 1 if (debounce >= 2) { debounce = debounce + 1 continue } var roll = Roll.float() if (roll <= (0.18 + (focus * 0.04))) { focus = (focus + 1).min(6) charges = charges + bonus + (focus * 0.3) } } return (time - 1) } for ( i in 1..10000) { Results.add(Repair.call()) } System.print((Results.reduce {acc,ele acc + ele })/Results.count) 

I originally dated my partner for almost two years before she broke up with me at the start of September 2023. We reconnected in January, and she told me that she regretted breaking up with me. She also told me that she had a rebound relationship with one of her friends.
This friend was a friend I was worried about before we broke up. She reconnected with him in May 2023, and instantly, I was worried about it. She seemed to always answer his messages immediately when we were together while simultaneously not answering and trying to distance herself from me.
We got back together in January and had a very long talk regarding the relationship. I told her I would leave if she ever reconnected with this man again. We agreed that while we were not officially dating, we were to be exclusive.
Come to mid-March this year, he reached out to her. She reconnected with him. She said she originally reconnected to get closure, but then it spiraled. From mid-March to the end of April, she had sex with him multiple times. During this time, she would avoid answering my messages and told me she did not have time to see me, all while seeing him.
She broke up with me at the start of May, telling me it "wasn't working" and that we should take some time apart while she goes to therapy and that we could maybe try couples therapy at the end of the summer.
In mid-May, she messaged me and told me to call her. I ended up calling her, and we, once again, started to reconnect. She spent 4 days absolutely fawning over me. Then she comes over and tells me that she cheated on me. The first time she told me, she made it seem like a one-time thing. I called her yesterday and asked her how many times, and I came to find out that she lied to me about how many times and that they had sex multiple times.
She broke both an implicit and explicit boundary. Obviously, cheating is a boundary that doesn't need to be mentioned in a relationship. However, I did mention it, and she went against it.
Part of me still loves this girl. She was the light of my life before she broke up with me. But I also don't know how I can be self-respecting and not walk away from her breaking this boundary. I also can't guarantee that she won't do this again, which also keeps me from wanting to return to her.
Part of the mitigating factors is that she has been having episodes of psychosis and mania starting in May 2023, which started from a traumatizing event with her dad. While it doesn't excuse her actions, it might help to rationalize her breaking up with me and then reconnecting to cheat. But I don't know if that is enough to let me want to rebuild. She has been in therapy for about a month, so it seems like she's putting in work.
I don't know what to do. Is it possible, at least in theory, to completely rebuild the relationship? Am I able to have dignity if I take her back? Is her mental issues significant enough of a reason to be willing to try now that they are finally getting addressed?