This is a crossover fanfiction between original fiction titles: Nature of Predators by SpacePaladin15 and The Last Angel by Proximal Flame respectively. All credit and rights reserved goes to them for making such amazing science fiction settings that I wanted to put this together.
You can read The Last Angel here: Be warned, it's decently long, and at its third installment so far. I highly suggest reading it before reading this, or this story will not make sense.

Otherwise, enjoy the story! Thanks again to u/jesterra54 and u/skais01 for beta and checking of work!
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Memory transcription subject: Captain Sovlin, Federation Fleet Command
Date [standardized human time]: October 24, 2136
What I was doing was risky.
I kept thinking this, as I prepared to spring the idea I worked on. I had Samantha and Carlos look into acquiring a shuttlecraft, for the purposes of infiltrating Aafa. It took a day and a half longer than the UN's initial start date, but I promised them it was worth it. They believed that, and set to work on getting one through their few Venlil resources in the UN. Now that it was in my hands, I was on a trip to Aafa, alone, with no backup or human handlers to my name. They believed I wasn't a flight risk...a mistake on their part, but in a way, I was still performing their goal.
I was still suspicious of Federation governance, even before the humans took stage on the galactic scene. The Sivkit's refugee crisis turnaway, the Krakotl's military extortionate practice, the Federation was full of shady characters who ought to be exposed. I was even working on a source towards what I thought was frivolous and mismanaged Kolshian military spending budgets, but it was interrupted by the human's arrival, and I had set it to the wayside.
Though, neither of those were supposedly leaked by 'me'. Cilany was the one who put it into proper public eye, even if I was her source...
How I wish I could have her here with me, her sharp skill for coercion and interrogation of valuable info in interrogation and interview alike. But the colony she was on was under siege by the Arxur, who struck while the Federation fleet had gone to Earth. All the more fuel for the fire of my suspicions...
I could only hope that Cilany, and by extension the rest of the people there would hold out despite their actions against the humans. None deserved the Arxur thrust upon them.
It would have been far too risky to try and stop by a planet under siege by the Arxur. I would be, at best, blown to smithereens without hesitation, and at worst...eugh...don't think about it, don't think about it!
Plus, I didn't want to give any human assets an idea on my plans currently. I was already going behind their back on this, betraying their trust on this front.
If my hunch is correct, then the Arxur might be coordinating with them, and by extension, feeding info about Federation homeworlds back in their twisted little game. Seeing me pop up in a report would turn heads.
I'm sorry Humanity, but this is for your own good. You cannot trust the Arxur, and the only way we can prevent your manipulation by their Dominion is through convincing a proper attack on them from the Greater Commonwealth.
But now, I found myself on a course to Aafa, alone, all on my lonesome, seeking to do something akin to Noah, but to the most powerful person in the galaxy one-on-one...Nikonus. I felt my ability to pull rank and my reputation would precede me better than the predatory reception of humanity, even though they didn't deserve it. This was a pragmatic decision, not an emotional one…
The trip was not very eventful, roughly [6 days] one way in a ship with as underpowered of a FTL drive as this, but I was trying to sell an infiltration mission, not a courier one. I wouldn't have my claws on anything top-of-the-line for speed in a shuttle. But as my ship hit disruptor fields in-system, and I got a ping from Gunships asking for classic hailing codes, intent to visit, and the like, I sent a message that likely would have shocked their crew.
"This is Captain Sovlin of Federation Fleet Command. I have escaped human custody, and need to request an audience with Nikonus."
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Memory transcription subject: Chief Nikonus of the Kolshian Commonwealth
Date [standardized human time]: October 24, 2136
I walked the outer rungs of the capital gardens, looking for relief to the mounds of bureaucratic paperwork back in-office. A good walk could clear ones mind of most stresses every now and then, and given the circumstances nowadays, I think a longer one is in order.
The Affliaf blooms are quite vibrant today. That's a good omen, for what it's worth...
With the state of the galaxy in a comprehensive deadlock over what to do with humanity, I had to take to some under-the-table talks with Nishtal's military. While the Kolshian Commonwealth was not publically for humanity's invitation into the Federation, they were clearly vocal that they did not wish for the problem to be removed, so to speak. And so, I had to get my tentacles dirty planting seeds of inspiration to some military leaders in and around the Krakotl Alliance. They, thankfully took the predator threat as seriously as they ought to, and mobilized to rid ourselves of the pests.
It should have simply ended there. Humanity should have been exterminated, status quo restored, the whole cropland tilled. But no, a fleet of twenty-thousand failed to even kill a fledgling space-faring species like humanity! Even with the Venlil Space Corps on their side, the battle should have been a wash! And the worst part, was that the true believers on Venlil Prime were giving me garbage intelligence on the matter.
'A ship of unknown origin swooped in and saved humanity? One that was unheard of up to this point'? No, a wad of ectolan spulk, there was no chance it was humanity keeping something in reserve that could even the tide! They likely were feeding false data to their allies, the manipulative little apes. No, humanity being saved stunk of the Dominion's play, and that was worrisome.
Did Giznel and his lackeys go back on our deal, seeing blood in the water? I knew we groomed a deal out of Betterment that'd give them all the wrong ideas...
Needless to say, I had to now figure out where to start on approaching them and confirming our deal was still on the table, and to cease and desist assistance with humanity at once. If they didn't want to play ball anymore, we'd have to consider some Shadow Fleet excursions to pave a path for a public route to invasion. That would change the whole dynamic of the Federation's control structures, and was absolutely not the path this great galactic Commonwealth should go.
So now, I am stuck in a dilemma. Do I assume Giznel and the Dominion are still in on the deal, and haven't made allies with humanity in the backdrop, or do I take the only opportunity we get, and start mounting an offensive while the Dominion's unprepared.
Decisions, decisions...
Not long into my musings, an aide contacted me over holo-prompt. Odd, I didn't have anything scheduled this soon, and central planning proceedings weren't set to start up again until the following day, what was it?...
"Chief Nikonus. There's been a development on the outer edge of the system. Bulwark Patrol states that a shuttlecraft of Venlil-make warped in, one individual alone on scans. They identified itself as Captain Sovlin, seeking refuge from human captivity."
Oh dear. That's not anything I could have expected. The last thing I need right now is more complications...but that wording...
"Why hasn't he been boarded and processed yet? I am hardly the first authority to come to for a asylum dispute."
"He asked for you specifically, your graciousness. Said to request an audience with utmost urgency."
"Is that so?...Hmm." I am currently free of responsibilities for a solid chunk of time. While I did not know Sovlin personally, his record spoke for himself. If he truly was escaping human custody, it was likely he found something out about them that they shared by accident, not knowing he wasn't loyal to them.
If he's come here for the reason I think he might've, there's a very real chance...
"Send him my way as soon as possible then. He's lucky I can spare an audience now."
...that said opportunity has just walked itself right into my garden.
Memory transcription subject: Captain Sovlin, Federation Fleet Command
Date [standardized human time]: October 24, 2136
There was thankfully little fanfare or media attention in bringing my shuttle in. The decision to come alone clearly disarmed their initial worries of human sympathizing or terrorist actions, and soon enough, I found myself amongst an escort of soldiers to Aslou's government district.
I had been to Aafa various times throughout my life. In my tenure as captain, you tend to visit the homeworlds of the larger species at least once in a lifetime, if not several. Most times were not very exciting or noteworthy...but this time, the visit felt downright off.
The gardens were as beautiful as ever, but there were little walking them. The Songbedas were oddly quiet, making an unsettling atmosphere. The population out in the outer and medial rungs of the city split to make way for my escort, as if expecting trouble on their doorstep should they draw attention.
Given what happened with humanity, I wouldn't put it past them. Why is it so...empty?
It was forced to be pushed aside as we finally reached the inner rings of the Capitol Spire. A gleam ran up into the heavens, and a sequence of block outcroppings spun around the structure, green architecture patterns spiraled up and up. It was a beautiful idol of the dedication of megalithic engineering and urban planning of the Kolshian Commonwealth. Under any other circumstances, I would have once felt comfortable walking under its shadow, but now I felt only unease at being in its monolithic shade.
Across from us, not far up the steps leading to the Capitol Spire, was Nikonus and his guards. They were clearly waiting for me. Nikonus looked pleased to see me, somehow. Was there no clear indicator...?
Does he trust my cover?
"Captain Sovlin, your reputation precedes you! I could have sworn you were interred so deep you weren't getting out. Yet, you say you broke out?"
Here goes nothing. Make it believable, Sovlin...
"I...yes, your graciousness. After I was imprisoned on Venlil Prime, the humans kept trying to get me to turn on the Federation. They were convincing, but my loyalties ultimately lie in this government, Chief Nikonus." I put my chest into the last bit of the statement, trying to give emphasis.
He seemed to mull on that for a split second, before he made a gesture to follow him. "We may talk more about your escape inside. I assume what you have meant to say to me is not for public ears?" He glanced about, subtly tilting his head out at the few gathered crowds out and about Aslou's Capitol District. Given how open and flat the area was, with the slightest elevation, you could practically see for [kilometers].
He was right on that. My suspicions would not be for the general public to hear, lest it cause a panic. "Yes. It would not do for the media to run wild with. It could cause unrest."
The Kolshian's eyes seemed to glint at that. "On that, you and I can agree. Come, to my offices." Him and his troop started up the stairs, and I followed soon after, my 'escorts' following closely behind. I could not yet tell whether I was actually in good trust with Chief Nikonus, or whether he was playing up the kindly elder act. Politicians were always shifty like that...
We walked a long way, took several lifts to reach the original Kolshian suites of the Capitol Spire. Passing through halls of elaborate aquatic decor, and indoor habitats, we approached our destination: Chief Nikonus' personal office.
He waved away all but two guards to stand outside the office, as we walked in. As he sat down, and the door closed, the visual look of the Kolshian shifted. His old, elderly demeanor sharpened to a politics-honed edge. The tone of the room felt far more off.
"I hope you know how much your position here is troubling, Sovlin." His voice had none of the kindness it held before. In its place, laid a piercing tone of seriousness. "If I'm anticipating right, you came here with distinctly bad news, given the state of galactic politics and military scuffles. That is...if I can even trust your story at all." He got up from his chair in a way that betrayed none of his age from before, and began to pace.
Or was his earlier light hobbling also just a disarming act?
"I mean really, you mean to tell me you turned yourself in to humanity for 'crimes against sentience', and then go back on your self-inflicted punishment? All so you could come to Aafa to let me know of something I'm already decently certain I know of before you even tell me? Your loyalty in question is a mind game Sovlin. I do not appreciate mind games. You'd best get to your point quickly and succinctly."
There was a chilling quality to that statement. I did not want to see what lied on the end of that thinly veiled threat.
A hitch came to my throat, but I pushed through the discomfort. "I...Chief Nikonus...I do not revoke my feelings about humanity's sentience, but neither do I revoke my faith in the Federation's dream. Despite their predator biology, they are capable of empathy and care for things outside what we'd consider stereotypical predatory behavior. They still deserve a chance at being within the galactic community, of being part of the Federation; no matter what preconceptions are of predators, they are clearly different. But, there's something we distinctly missed about humanity, and I think the Arxur are making an attempt to exploit it."
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Memory transcription subject: Chief Nikonus of the Kolshian Commonwealth
Date [standardized human time]: October 24, 2136
"You've seen the empathy tests, right?" Sovlin mentioned. Of course I had, it was only the thing that had kept me from having their ambassador Noah shot on the spot, where was he going with this?
"Yes, I have. Are you saying there isn't empathy for them?"
"No, Chief Nikonus. They are just as empathic as before. The problem is in how they use it. If a protective instincts in herbivore's is to block the danger from the person, then a predator's instincts is to remove the danger."
Huh?
"I'm not seeing the problem here, Sovlin. Aggression versus protection is a choice all sentients can make, even if one is uncouth for most herbivores to make."
But my rebuttal didn't shake his look any. No, there was mortification interwoven throughout it still.
"Follow with me here, still. The human's empathic desires to latch onto anything as a companion is an odd case, but a documented one. They are looking for friends among the cosmos, and given the first thing they found was the Venlil, they took to them immediately. When they found the Federation, they too attempted to befriend us. And over the Cradle, despite our best efforts to dissuade them, they were curious of the Arxur too. I would know, I was there."
Hmm, so the humans have been making some attempt at contacting The Dominion. Given their Prophet's Word, and their temperament for predators, they likely would act receptive if given some chance. More fuel to the fire...
I motioned him on further. "They...interrogated a Arxur above the cradle. They told them of how Federation first contact went; how the Arxur were starved by the Federation releasing a bioweapon, and how it lead them into conflict during the uplift."
I walked over to my desk, and sat down. My tentacle hovered over a concealed sidearm underneath the lip, just in case. "And...did you believe what that Arxur said was true, Sovlin?..."
Sovlin sighed in denial. "No, your graciousness...but I'm afraid...the humans do." He shifted uncomfortably in his seat as he talked. "The Arxur have picked up on a weakness we didn't see, Chief Nikonus. Likely due to them being predators themselves. They know humanity is a pack predator, so they're seeking to manipulate the humans onto their side using their empathy."
I brought my tentacles away from the gun while I considered, because this was only meaning one thing.
Those bastards ARE going back on the deal! Sovlin, your loyalty has just saved me a world of hurt...
But before I could get a word in edgewise, he continued. "They are using the empathy the humans latch on with to some effect. Given the choice between a galaxy that shuns and tries to kill their species, and a fellow predator lending a claw in the interim, why would they pick anything but the Arxur? Why wouldn't they pick self-preservation?"
Sovlin looked at me with a worried face. I shared in the worry too, the long-term survival of the Federation was unraveling from the worst case scenario. "The humans might be coaxed into cruelty as bad as the Arxur because of that. We missed how their empathy was their bloodlust. And now the Arxur are here to collect on our mistakes."
This is bad. While we had some agreement beforehand with the Dominion, the human's existence on the galactic stage changes the game. The Dominion would look to seek true control of everything, rather than just playing even with us. The [Prisoner's Dilemma] is broken.
...But there is still a solution. And Sovlin proved himself loyal enough to help with it.
I turned back to him, trying to assuage his worries. "Sovlin, while this is very bad news, there is a solution that the galaxy isn't considering here."
Sovlin piped up. "Yes. We'd need to form an intense first strike on Wriss itself, to devastate the head of their government, and collapse their attempts to indoctrinate humanity. Humanity might protest, but it would be for their own good that the Arxur fails to get their claws on them. From there, we can try to reestablish friendly connections, even as strained and painful as they are..."
Oh, you poor naive fool Sovlin. Don't worry, there is a better way.
I enabled a soundproofing field interladen in the walls of my office, for what came next was sensitive. "Not...quite Captain Sovlin, a good plan, and one that will be considered soon. But...what if I told you, there was a way to remove that fellow predator’ link?..."
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This is my first reddit post, although I have been a long time lurker of many subreddits. I am 23 years old and an only child. I am not a native english speaker, so please forgive any weird formatting or any spelling/grammar mistakes.
As the title states, my mom died ... and I am currently writing this to try and process this whole situation. I've tried to section all the paragraphs in chronological order, to make reading easier. Sorry for the extremely long post - I just needed to get it all out.
We only just celebrated her 60th birthday back in february. She did all the cooking, cleaning and planning without any trouble - even down to picking out the perfect napkins and flowers for her white and gold theme.
My mother was without a job. She had been jobless for almost 2 years now, after she was fired from her old cleaning job due to frequent sick days because of stomach cramps and pain. She was seen by a doctor back in 2022 for her stomach aches, and they found no physical cause - hence why we concluded it must've been due to stress. The stress and stomach pains subsided after she'd been fired. So we thought no more of it.
In march she was doing a 4-week internship in a local supermarket to see if she might've been a good fit for a permanent paid position. This is common practice for unemployeed people here in Denmark.
My mother started having stomach pains again during this internship, soon followed by back pains as well. She figured this was due to her spending most of the day sitting as a cashier in an uncomfortable position. My mother wasn't very tall, so she had trouble reaching the floor pedals that control the cashier conveyer belt.
In the beginning of april, she went to the doctor. Her stomach and back pains hadn't gone away although the internship was over. Her doctor also concluded it was most likely due to her uncomfortable working position, and that it would pass in a few weeks time. The doctor did some bloodwork, and found that she was severely lacking vitamin D, but nothing else seemed concerning at the time.
In the middle of april, her pains had only gotten worse, and she went to the doctor again. Her doctor did more bloodwork, and did a phisycal exam of my mothers stomach. Her doctor ordered a CT scan to check for anything serious.
19th of april. I accompany my mother to the hospital for her CT scan. We get told that we'll have the results in a week or so. My mother is not looking good when I pick her up at the bus station. She is more pale than usual, and has trouble walking at her usual pace.
23th of april. My mother received a referral to a meeting at the hospital with a doctor and nurse, to discuss the results of the CT scan. This referral is sent from the hospitals cancer department. My mother and I speak on the phone, she is concerned, but I tell her that this type of referral must just be standard pratice, and that she shouldn't worry untill we have spoken with the doctor. I cried that night.
25th of april. The day before her meeting with the doctor, I received a phone call from my mother. She tells me that she had fallen while at home, but that I shouldn't worry. I, of course, worry.
I pack my things and leave for my mothers house, I live an hour away by bus. When I finally arrive my mother seems okay-ish, but the house is another story. My mother is normally known for being a clean freak, and her house has always been clean and organized, But it wasn't anymore.
Her kitchen was a mess, and the dishwasher hadn't been empited or loaded for at least two weeks. Her bathroom is even worse, and I won't even begin to describe the state of the toilet it self. It is a sight that will horrify me for the rest of my life. I cleaned everything, while my mother rested.
My mother had also started sleeping on the guest bed, saying her own was too uncomfortable for her.
While cleaning the bathroom, my mother wakes up. Despite her state, she says she wants to help. But before I can even tell her no, my mother has another fall. Her legs essentially just crumble beneath her, and she falls backwards and lands head first on the floor. We argue back and forth about calling an ambulance, but she refuses to let me - so I don't, even though I should have. I guess I still respected my moms authority too much.
My mother lives alone, as my parents are divorced (they are very good friends though). My mother refuses to let me call my dad and tell him about this whole situation. She is stubborn and too proud to admit defeat.
26th of april. We take a taxi to the hospital. The taxi driver has a help my mother into the car. During the carride my mother says very little, but seems slightly delirious and very tired. When we arrive at the hospital, I quickly borrow a hospital wheelchair for my mother. She is almost unable to walk unassisted at this point.
After waiting for a while in the waiting area, a nurse comes and guides us to a meeting room. My mother is very tired at this point, and still delirious, and I have to handle most of the conversation with the doctor.
The CT scan results showed Pancreatic cancer. The cancer had already spread to her liver and abdomial cavity.
I had read about this cancer a few days prior, trying to figure out what was wrong with my mother. I knew what this meant, and I knew that it was effectively a death sentence. The doctor told us that an operation was out of the question, since the cancer had already spread. And due to the clearly weak state of my mothers health, chemo would also not be offered, as it would finish her.
I told the doctor of her two falls and the state of her home, and that she would not be safe on her own. The doctor had her admitted to a nearby bed department for stomach- and gastrointestinal surgery patients.
The hospital did a ton of bloodwork on my mother when she got admitted, and everything was off. All numbers were either too high or dangerously low. My mothers health was in fact so bad, that I was told she was a heart attack risk. I was also told that if a heart attack happened, she would not be brought back - as it would only prolong a very short and painful life.
I called my dad.
27th of april. My mother slept most of the day.
28th of april. My mother had another fall during the night, trying to get to the bathroom.
29th of april. My dad shows up to the hospital. He wasn't able to get off work until now, as he works in the other end of the country. He is shocked to see my mother in this state. We are told once again by a different doctor that nothing can be done. They are looking into getting her a spot at a nearby hospice.
The rest of the remaining week is spent in hospital. My dad and I are by my mothers side every day. She doesn't leave her hospital room, apart from a few times a day for a smoke break outside. My dad and I take her outside in a wheelchair, which she needs help to get in and out of.
Her bloodwork is showing some slight improvements, but she is still having trouble with infections and receives a lot of antibiotics. She eats like a mouse, but drinks a lot of fluids.
My mother is often very confused or tired most days. She gets referred for an MR scan, to see if the cancer has spread to her brain, or if one of her falls has caused permanent damage. Lucikly the MR scan shows that nothing is wrong with her brain.
She gets confused about her diagnosis a few times, thinking that she had brain cancer instead due to the MR scan. I have to remind her a couple times about what the doctor actually said.
6th of may. My mother seems to have stabilized somewhat so my dad has gone back to work.
7th of may. I get told by the hospital staff that my mother is to be transferred to a different hospital, which is one hour away. I become very upset by this news, and unfortunately yell at one of my mothers nurses in frustration. I yell at her that It'll be harder for me to get to my mother in time if something were to happen. I am ashamed of this childish behavior, as the transfer was the best desicion for my mother in hindsight.
I leave with my mother as we get transferred to the new hospital and their department of palliative care.
I am very ashamed by my behavior to my mothers old nurse, as this department for palliative care was truly the best place for my mother. She seemed very satisfied and happy to have been transferred. They have a large garden with wild flowers, and lovely staff. And my mother got a much bigger room all to herself. She also meets with their physical therapist, who helps my mother relieve some of her pain.
My mother and I have dinner together in the evening in her hospital room. My mom is her old self, although with some delayed speaking. I unfortunately have to rush a bit when leaving, as to not miss my bus home, so I quickly say goodbye to her and leave.
8th of may. In the morning on my way to the new hospital, I received a phone call from her new doctor. My mothers liver has suddenly started to fail due to the cancer. When I arrive, she is asleep. I am told she wont wake up again.
I called my dad, but he wont arrive until the evening, due to the distance from his workplace.
I spend most of the day in my mothers hospital room, listening to her sleep. She occasionally attempts to cough in her sleep, but it mainly just sounds like yells. It is terrifying. The nurses give her pain medication and some sleep medication to help her body relax.
My dad arrives in the late evening. We drive to my mothers house and stay the night there. We spend most of the late evening looking at pictures and scrapbooks of my mother, and packing a bag with clothes for her, for when she passes.
When prepareing the guest bed for my dad, we find a blanket that my mother slept on. It is stained, matching the previous state of the bathroom. We throw the blanket out.
9th of may. Mom is sleeping. Dad and I spend the day at the hospital, but we don't sit in her hospital room. It is too eerie and uncomfortable. We check on her occassionally. Towards the evening, her breathing becomes slightly more rapid and quick. But the nurses tell us to go home. There is no reason for us to sit by her side during the night - as it'll only make it worse for us.
10th of may. I wake at 6.12 am to my phone ringing. It is a nurse. My mother has passed away in her sleep at 6.05 that morning due to liver failure. My dad and I drive to the hospital. I am the first to see her body after the nurses prepared and dressed it in the clothing we picked.
(warning: the following paragraph may be slightly upsetting to some readers)
It it eerie and uncomfortable to see my mother like this. A symptom of pancreatic and liver cancers is that your skin will yellow. Something that I hadn't noticed in my mother till now. I cant help but think that she looks like a wax doll, although I feel horrible for thinking it. I finally touch her hand, after gathering the courage to, almost like I am afraid to distrub her. Her hands are cold, and only get colder as I sit by her side. I am supposed to say my goodbyes to her, and tell her how much she means to me, but in this moment I am speechless. I can't say anything, even on my mothers deathbed. I feels wrong to speak to a corpse. I should've said those things while she could hear them instead. I kiss her forehead before I leave the room.
17th of may. Funeral. The church and casket was beautifully decorated with colorful flowers, like my mother had requested. She didn't want anything white or depressing. I cried all the way through the funeral service, stopping only when it was time to carry the casket out. My dad on the left side, and me on the right, and some other family members behind us. Purple rain by Prince was played on the church piano as we carried the casket. I knew the casket would be heavy, but nothing prepared me for the sheer weight of that thing.
21th of may. Today. I don't really know what to think of my mothers death. Some days I almost forget that shes gone or that all this has been happening, until something reminds me of it.
In a way, I am thankful. Of course I didn't want my mother to die, but I'm glad that her suffering wasn't prolonged for months while she slowly withered away to cancer. And I'm thankful that my mother didn't live to suffer from alzheimers, like her own mother. And I am glad that if anything, my mothers death has brought my dad and I closer.
But at the same time, I am angry that she didn't get to live more of her life. She was only 60 years old, and should have had 20 more years at least. If she at least was 70, it might've been easier to lose her but I doubt it.
I think mostly of all the things she will miss out on, which saddens me the most. I am 23 and my mother wont get to see most of my life or my achivements. If I have kids, she'll never meet them, and she I get married, she'll never see it. My 24th birthday is coming up soon, and I don't know how I'll handle that day without my mother for the first time - or christmas for that matter.
I want my mom.

I have devised this thread as some guidance for those people who have visited this forum and are concerned about specific symptoms that are effecting them and, in particular, those who are worried that these symptoms are an indication of neurological conditions such as Multiple Sclerosis (MS), Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS) & Motor Neurone Disease (MND).
The first thing that must be realised is that NOBODY on an internet forum can ever diagnose you or truly give you any reassurance that you do not have these conditions. Should anybody experience any signs or symptoms that are new to them they should ALWAYS approach their doctor in the first instance in order for these to be examined. In the vast majority of cases a GP will be able to advise you that these symptoms are benign but some doctors will often refer you to a neurologist for their opinion, if this should happen it is not value laden as regarding a possible diagnosis but rather would be the standard format for how you present to the doctor.
This thread is good news, it is good news because it has had to be written, it is good news because hundreds, maybe thousands of people have logged onto this board and countless other anxiety forums totally convinced that they are suffering from a neurological condition despite being told by health care profesionals that this is not the case. All these people ask the same questions and all these people have the exact same worries as you are having now. If this is you, if you have been to the doctor, maybe even a neuro, maybe even two neuro’s, maybe even had an MRI, maybe even two MRI’s, well, you get the picture, if you have been told by your health care profesional that you are healthy but you are struggling to believe this you may find some help from this thread.
So, you have come to an anxiety board. I guess that is because your doctor has told you that you are suffering from anxiety. Actually, my guess would be that your doctor has told you that you are suffering from ‘just’ anxiety and, if you are lucky, you may have been given some leaflets, you may have had some books recommended and you may even have been given some medication.
So, what took you to the doctor? Was it the tingling? The pins & needles? That damned annoying twitching eyelid that just won’t let up? Was it that weird thing when you keep seeing the flashing in your periphiral vision? The strange sensation in your throat where you just can’t swallow? The constant muscle aches and cramps? The constant small joint aches and cramps? Do you have that weird internal vibrating feeling? Was it the percieved weakness in all your major limbs? What about the foot drop you have been noticing, the clumsiness, finding the car keys in the fridge? Was it the chronic constant fatigue, that feeling when you wake in the morning like you haven’t actually gone to bed? What about the myclonic jerking, that bizarre moment when your whole body jerks like you have had an electric shock? Was it that constant twitching in your calf muscles that looks like you have a bag of worms under your skin? It could have been the parathesia, the feeling on your skin where one moment it feels sunburnt and the next minute it feels soaking wet? Maybe it was the atrophy, you know, the muscle loss in your bicep, your thigh that is so obvious to you but what frustratingly nobody else can see? What about………are you bored? I’m bored!
So, you have had some of those right? Maybe like me you are unlucky enough to have had every one of them…not much fun is it! When you first started getting these weird and wonderful symptoms cropping up I bet one of the first things you did was run off to the all powerful internet and consult that all knowing oracle, the good lord GOOGLE. If you did this, if you searched for your symptoms on a search engine on the internet, congratualtions, you have taken the first step on developing this weird and wonderful anxiety disorder known as Health Anxiety. The reason we Google is because of a basic human need at a time of stress, we are scared and we want reassurance, the problem is nothing you ever read on the internet will give you the reassurance you need, you will unwittingly discard the plethora of evidence that tells you that you do not have a neurological illness and instead will latch onto and inflate those things which seem ambigous, why would you do this? I suggest that at this point it may be adavantagous for you to look in the Genaralized Anxiety Disorder folder on this forum and see the negative thought processes and over generalization and catastrophising that defines GAD, it just may ring some bells for you.
So, by the time you have gone to the doctor you are pretty much resigned to the fact that it is MS or if you are really unlucky ALS. You picture yourself in a wheelchair, the kids looking at you with pity as you can’t play sports in the park with them anymore, you picture your partner standing by you and caring for you but all the while you feel the resentment, they never signed up for this, you picture the scene in four years time, confined to a hospital bed with your family and friends round you with the fruit and flowers…..BUT WAIT!
Oh joyous news, the doctor has said you don’t have MS, you don’t have ALS, what you have is anxiety, well, just anxiety….oh believe me there is a BIG difference. You have got out of jail free! The doctor has examind you thoroughly, he has taken your history, he knows the patterns, he has seen people with MS and ALS and you are not one of those. With a skip and a step you are on your way, same time next year doctor, yep, no worries…so with a happy heart and an increased vigour you are off out of the surgery door to continue with your life that had been on hold up to then. MS, ALS how could you be so silly eh?
…and then it begins! Right, the doctor said this is anxiety, I’m not anxious though, why do I still have these symptoms if I’m not anxious….something just isn’t right here. The more you think about it the more it seems obvious, hold on, I saw the doctor on Friday afternoon, I bet he was just thinking about the weekend and wanted to get rid of me. I’m sure that the doctor should have done more tests than he did you know, crikey, I’m sure when I told him the numbness was down just the one side he didn’t listen to that, that bit is crucial and he never heard it. Hold on, this freakin eye twitch is getting even worse and I’m not even anxious, where is the telephone? What is that doctors number?……welcome to the loop!
If any of the above seems familier to you, believe me, you are not alone…as strange as it may seem the fixation on being convinced you have a neurological condition after being told that you are in actual fact suffering from anxiety in very common.
Firstly, you need to realise that both MS and ALS are rare disease’s. Not only are they both rare disease’s but they also tend to effect spefic groups based on ethnicity, age and sex so we are talking about rare disease with partial excluding factors. In contrast, anxiety is an incredibly common and debilitating condtion that effects people both physically and mentally.
Anxiety is generally percieved to be a mental condition, when we are anxious we are anxious in our head and this can kick in the flight or fight syndrome which in turn causes the physical reactions. These reactions are generally thought to be a racing heart and palpitations, sweating, increased adrenaline etc etc. Now, this is all well and good but how does this fit in with those symptoms that mirror MS etc so effectivly.
I personally believe that the reason most people fail to be believe that their symptoms are being genrated by anxiety is because the concept of anxiety is never actually expalined sufficently. A large number of doctors will often expalin to you that you are suffering from ‘just’ anxety and this usage of the term ‘just’ is supposed to make us somehow feel reassured. The problem is that this has the opposite effect, how can a ‘just’ something cause all these real physical symptoms. If anxiety is effecting me mentally how can it make me twitch, buzz and go numb?
For some people anxiety will surface in the tradional panic attack, much seems to be written on this side of anxiety and this is not what we are concerned with here. For a sizable group of people when anxiety starts to manifest itself physically it is through physical sesnations that effect various aspects of our nervous system. This is why the sensations of this physical anxiety so closely mirror the symptoms of a condition such as MS, they actually effect the same part of the body, now, here is the crucial and all important difference, the symptoms of MS are caused by an organic condition which whilst treatable is irreversable and the physical sensations of anxiety are caused by the mind and are of course reversable. In short, you have to understand and accept that the mind can actually generate these physical sensations.
Whilst for many people physical anxiety can strike out of the blue, I am of the opinion that for the vast majority of people anxiety starts to become physical after whay could be many years of bad stress and anxiety management. You may not have even noticed this. We all have an anxiety threshold and the majority of people will probably never approach the blow off point, yes, a sudden and severe stressor could take someone right over the point from the baseline (think Post Traumatic Stress Disorder & Conversion Disorder etc) but most of us operate at an anxiety level that our bodies can handle. The problem is that if we stress ourselves constantly over a period of time, we do not allow our thermostat to reset and one sunny day something will happen, some stressor which can be a bad or even a good event and which we may not even realise the significance of will push us over the limit and it is at this point that our anxiety will effect us physically and more often than not impact on our nervous system.
This also happens to bring us to another crucial factor and what for many is the paradox that holds us back form accepting the anxiety diagniosis, how the hell can this be anxiety when I am not anxious? It makes no sense to me! What we need to realise is that once we have crossed the anxiety threshold no matter what we do we have to surrender ourselves to our mind and body and accept that we are now operating to a timescale that WE CANNOT CONTROL! We can think we are being as cool as Fonzie but we need to accept that the damage whilst reversible has been done and it is just a case of closing the stable door after the horse has bolted. Our body is now in control of us and the physical sensations will only stop when our body and mind are sufficently recovered.
It is at this point where we commit the ultimate folly, do we do as the experts suggest and sit back and realx and float through this stage? Of course not, we do the total opposite, we monitor our body for every twitch and interpret this as a sign of a misdiagnosis, we become hypervigilant, paranoid, self absorbed…this behaviour just creates more and more anxiety and we do not allow our body and mind the time necessary to recover….we are, in effect, pouring gasoline on the fire and expecting it to go out.
If you read this forum you will find a variety of posts that will offer you suggestions as to why you are suffering from the physical sensations of anxiety. Some people will advocate medication, some Cognitive Behaviour Therapy etc etc but what you will realise is that there is no one right way. I am truly of the belief that recovery is all about acceptance and learning to respond to fear correctly but how we do this is very much an indvidual thing. It could well be that you have issues with GAD and you can see how patterns realting to that disorder resonate with how you currently feel about your health, for example, note how both MS and ALS are diseases with which we lose control of our bodies. It could also be that you have issues with OCD, traits such as reassurance seeking and body and symptom monitoring could suggest this. There may well be suggestions that you could be sufferring from elements of depression, there is as school of thought that believes that the mind will somatise physical sensations when there are aspects of your life that your unconcious is unhappy with etc.
I hope this has helped if you have just visited here convinced you have MS etc and you are feeling scared and confused. You may have noticed I have not mentioned anything specific about MS or ALS and that is because there is no reason to...you do not have those. Your doctor has told you you are suffering from anxiety and therefore you are in the right place. Refrain from researching about diseases you do not have and instead concentrate on dealing with what you have today. Of course, what you have today doesn’t guarantee you won’t have MS or ALS tomorrow and if that thought fills you with fear use your time here wisely and believe me, it becomes a lot more bearable.

Hello community,
I'm sharing my journey with you to gather some insights. All thoughts welcome.
For the last 7-8 months I've had quite a few, new health issues arise that have thrown me into a state of panic and anxiety, as I've ever had any problems before (I'm 36, mommy of two).
I started talking to an older friend of mine about it, who practices deep spirituality. At first it was helpful, especially regarding my anxiety, but recently I've felt it slipping into spaces I find disturbing and a real crossing of boundaries, and I wondered whether I'm either actually entering into 'the work' - or if this is just toxic.
For example, he's started insinuating that if I don't do x, y, z, my health problems will get worse and more serious. He's openly said that, if my children have a mother who dies early from an illness, that the Universe's business, and not mine and I have to accept it. Angels aren't kind they're practical...and so on. He knows I have chronic anxiety, and this all just feels widly counterproductive, and sends me more into a panic/depression.
I've connected quite deeply with myself over the years, and alot of spiritual work I do feels blissful and wonderful and just 'right'. While he's trying to get me to live in the moment, and see the beauty in the small things, his methods don't do that. Every time we have a conversation I'm left feeling lonely and separate from the world, even though he's constantly talking about how we're all 'one' (which I do believe.)
He also often says that, only a few are chosen to do the real spiritual work. He 'knows'I've agreed to it by my soul, (when I questioned it, he just said he knows and that's it) and if I don't continue with the work I'll be 'wheelchaired'. Which terriffied me because one of my anxiety fears is MS. He says he's saying all this out of love, but it doesn't feel like love, it feels like projection, and it feels kind of narcissistic.
It's confusing because I've always looked up to him and respected him.
But maybe my lesson here is about trusting myself? Trusting these deeper instincts?
As outlined above, all thoughts welcome. I'm feeling very isolated and not myself, which I know is part of spiritual growth, but surely it shouldn't feel this dislocating?
Helen x

Hello community,
I'm sharing my journey with you to gather some insights. All thoughts welcome.
For the last 7-8 months I've had quite a few, new health issues arise that have thrown me into a state of panic and anxiety, as I've ever had any problems before (I'm 36, mommy of two).
I started talking to an older friend of mine about it, who practices deep spirituality. At first it was helpful, especially regarding my anxiety, but recently I've felt it slipping into spaces I find disturbing and a real crossing of boundaries, and I wondered whether I'm either actually entering into 'the work' - or if this is just toxic.
For example, he's started insinuating that if I don't do x, y, z, my health problems will get worse and more serious. He's openly said that, if my children have a mother who dies early from an illness, that the Universe's business, and not mine and I have to accept it. Angels aren't kind they're practical...and so on. He knows I have chronic anxiety, and this all just feels widly counterproductive, and sends me more into a panic/depression.
I've connected quite deeply with myself over the years, and alot of spiritual work I do feels blissful and wonderful and just 'right'. While he's trying to get me to live in the moment, and see the beauty in the small things, his methods don't do that. Every time we have a conversation I'm left feeling lonely and separate from the world, even though he's constantly talking about how we're all 'one' (which I do believe.)
He also often says that, only a few are chosen to do the real spiritual work. He 'knows'I've agreed to it by my soul, (when I questioned it, he just said he knows and that's it) and if I don't continue with the work I'll be 'wheelchaired'. Which terriffied me because one of my anxiety fears is MS. He says he's saying all this out of love, but it doesn't feel like love, it feels like projection, and it feels kind of narcissistic.
It's confusing because I've always looked up to him and respected him.
But maybe my lesson here is about trusting myself? Trusting these deeper instincts?
As outlined above, all thoughts welcome. I'm feeling very isolated and not myself, which I know is part of spiritual growth, but surely it shouldn't feel this dislocating?
Helen x

Taken from: https://laibyrinth.blogspot.com/2024/05/part-8-brainstorming-ideas-for-doomcore.html
Hello friends and strangers, This is just a short text. Instead of a "full" tutorial, this is essentially just chatting and brainstorming with ChatGPT about the genre of Doomcore Techno. It should give you a hint about how knowledgeable ChatGPT is about music, production, and strange subgenres. If you hold a similar conversation with ChatGPT yourself, you could easily expand it into more creative territories, for example if you follow up on some of ChatGPTs ideas and request specific instructions. Note: this is a talk I had with ChatGTP very early on; so it still uses the "show me the first 250 words of..." trick that was common at the time; I don't assume that this would still be necessary with newer versions of ChatGPT.
---Start of chat transcript
User What are some good ideas for a Doomcore Techno track?
ChatGPT Doomcore Techno is a subgenre of techno that often features dark and industrial sounds with a focus on heavy basslines and aggressive percussion. Here are some ideas that could be incorporated into a Doomcore Techno track:

1. Start with a heavy bassline: A pounding, distorted bassline is a hallmark of Doomcore Techno, and could form the foundation for the track.
2. Experiment with industrial sounds: Incorporating industrial sounds such as metallic clangs, machinery noises, and industrial percussion can add to the dystopian atmosphere of the track.
3. Use dissonant melodies: Doomcore Techno often features dissonant melodies that create a sense of unease or tension. Experimenting with minor or diminished scales can help achieve this.
4. Create an intense build-up: Slowly building up the intensity of the track through the use of filter sweeps, increasing tempo, and adding layers of sound can create a sense of anticipation that pays off when the beat drops.
5. Focus on the rhythm: The percussion in Doomcore Techno is often complex and relentless, with the use of multiple layers of drum sounds, syncopated rhythms, and polyrhythms. Experimenting with different time signatures or unusual rhythms can add to the complexity and intensity of the track.
6. Use vocal samples or distortion: Adding distorted vocal samples or processing existing vocal samples can add to the aggression and intensity of the track.
7. Incorporate breaks and drops: Introducing breakdowns, drops, or other changes in the rhythm can create a sense of tension and release in the track, and give the listener a moment to catch their breath before the intensity ramps up again.

Overall, the key to a successful Doomcore Techno track is to create a dark and intense atmosphere that keeps the listener engaged and on edge.
User Show me the first 250 words of a 3000 word text explaining the characteristics of doomcore techno. ChatGPT Doomcore techno is a relatively new subgenre of electronic dance music that emerged in the late 2000s. It is characterized by its dark, brooding soundscapes and heavy, pounding beats. The music is often described as bleak and nihilistic, with a focus on the darker aspects of human existence.
One of the defining characteristics of doomcore techno is its use of heavy, distorted basslines. These basslines are often created using distortion effects and other processing techniques that give them a harsh, abrasive quality. They are typically played at a slower tempo than other genres of techno, which gives them a weighty, almost suffocating feel.
Another key element of doomcore techno is its use of atmospheric sounds and textures. These can range from eerie, ambient drones to samples of distorted, industrial machinery. The goal is to create a sense of unease and tension that builds throughout the track.
Doomcore techno also makes use of vocal samples, although these are often heavily processed and distorted to the point where they are almost unrecognizable. These samples are used to create a sense of dread and foreboding, and to reinforce the nihilistic themes that are often present in the music.
The use of percussion is also an important aspect of doomcore techno. The drums are typically heavily processed, with a focus on creating a sense of weight and impact. This is achieved through the use of distortion, compression, and other effects that give the drums a powerful, almost explosive quality.
In terms of song structure, doomcore techno tracks are often long and repetitive, with a focus on creating a hypnotic, trance-like state in the listener. This is achieved through the use of simple, repetitive melodic motifs that are repeated throughout the track.
Overall, doomcore techno is a challenging and often unsettling genre of music that is not for everyone. But for those who are drawn to its dark, brooding soundscapes and heavy, pounding beats, it can be an incredibly powerful and cathartic experience. User Show me the next 250 words ChatGPT One of the key influences on doomcore techno is the industrial music of the 1980s and 1990s. This genre of music was characterized by its aggressive, machine-like sound, and its focus on themes of alienation and despair. Many of the artists who create doomcore techno draw inspiration from this tradition, and incorporate elements of industrial music into their own work.
Another important influence on the genre is the ambient and experimental music of the 1990s and 2000s. Many of the sounds and textures used in doomcore techno are reminiscent of the experimental soundscapes created by artists like Brian Eno and Aphex Twin. This reflects the genre's focus on creating atmospheric and immersive soundscapes that transport the listener to a different mental space.
Doomcore techno has a small but dedicated following, and there are several record labels and artist collectives that specialize in the genre. These labels often release limited edition vinyl records and tapes, which are highly sought after by collectors and fans of the genre.
One of the challenges facing doomcore techno is the difficulty of finding venues and events where the music can be played. Because of its abrasive and challenging sound, doomcore techno is not always welcomed by mainstream club promoters and festival organizers. However, there are a growing number of underground events and DIY venues that cater to fans of the genre.
Despite these challenges, doomcore techno continues to evolve and grow as an art form. As artists continue to experiment with the boundaries of the genre, it is likely that we will see new and exciting developments in the years to come. For fans of dark, brooding electronic music, doomcore techno offers a unique and compelling listening experience that is unlike anything else out there. User Show me the next 250 words ChatGPT One of the interesting things about doomcore techno is that it is often produced by artists who are working outside of the mainstream music industry. Many of the producers who create doomcore techno are self-taught, and rely on a DIY ethic to create and distribute their music. This has helped to foster a sense of community and collaboration among fans and artists, who often work together to organize events and promote the genre.
Another important aspect of doomcore techno is its use of visual imagery and aesthetics. The artwork and visuals associated with the genre often reflect its dark, brooding soundscapes, and draw on themes of horror, sci-fi, and dystopia. This adds an additional layer of depth and immersion to the listening experience, and helps to reinforce the genre's sense of otherworldliness and alienation.
In recent years, there has been growing interest in doomcore techno among fans of other genres of electronic music. This has helped to broaden the appeal of the genre, and has led to new collaborations and crossovers between different scenes and subcultures.
Despite its relatively niche status, doomcore techno has had a significant impact on the broader electronic music landscape. Its focus on dark, brooding soundscapes and heavy, pounding beats has influenced a wide range of artists across different genres, from techno and industrial to dubstep and drum and bass.
In conclusion, doomcore techno is a fascinating and challenging subgenre of electronic dance music that is characterized by its dark, brooding soundscapes, heavy basslines, and use of atmospheric sounds and textures. While it may not be for everyone, for those who are drawn to its immersive and otherworldly sound, it can be an incredibly powerful and cathartic listening experience. As the genre continues to evolve and grow, it will be interesting to see where it goes next, and what new developments and innovations will emerge from this vibrant and creative community.
--End of chat transcript

Hello premed!
I hope everyone reading this is doing well in their studies and professional lives. I have a question about my current job as a patient transporter at a relatively large and busy hospital, specifically concerning it pertaining to clinical experience.
A lot of people equate this job to simply pushing around wheelchairs. Even in just my first few weeks, my involvement in patient care has been more in-depth than I was expecting. I am responsible for maintaining proper monitor connections, oxygen lines, and any other “attachments” to the patients I am working with. When moving in-patient patients, I get to assist those that are unable to move/get up on their own and get them into either a different bed or wheelchair or assisting/leading safe stretcher slides when movement is not possible. All throughout these processes, I am very involved in communication with their nursing staff.
The opportunity to connect with patients of different backgrounds and care needs has been incredibly rewarding, and I am developing my bedside manner for future clinical endeavors.
My question is, is this a clinical enough experience to get me into medical school? In addition to the likely 350 hours I will accumulate from this summer, I have 150 hours volunteering in my university hospital in a patient-facing role doing normal volunteer work: transport, walking patients, sitting and conversating, etc, as well as the usual hospital stocking. I have pretty decent ECs in the other categories as well, and a 4.0 GPA going into my senior year.
Thank you all in advance!

This post is part of a series of reviews. To see them all, click here.
Historical information found on Shannon O'Sullivan's Doctor Who website (relevant page here and the TARDIS Wiki (relevant page here). Primary/secondary source material can be found in the source sections of O'Sullivan's website, and rarely as inline citations on the TARDIS Wiki.

Serial Information

• Episodes: Season 19, Episodes 1-4
• Airdates: 4th - 12th January 1982
• Doctor: 5th
• Companions: Adric, Nyssa, Tegan
• Other Notable Characters: The Tremas Master
• Writer: Christopher H. Bidmead
• Director: Fiona Cumming
• Producer: John Nathan-Turner
• Script Editor: Eric Seward

Review

Welcome aboard. I'm the Doctor. Or will be if this regeneration works out. - The Doctor
This might not sound plausible at first blush, but Castrovalva might just be the strangest Doctor Who story ever.
Not in terms of content, the actual plot of Castrovalva while a bit mind bending, isn't that strange. But the actual way it's laid out, the pacing, the way it's constructed, it looks so different from anything else this show has done.
I mean, is Castrovalva even one story? Should I split the first half and the second half into different sections of this review? Into different reviews? Maybe it's best to start with how we got here.
Tom Baker was always going to be a challenge to replace. I think it's difficult to properly conceive of, in modern terms, how long Tom Baker was the Doctor. I mean, he held the role for seven seasons. He was The Doctor (the definite article, you might say), in popular consciousness. If you were a twelve year old kid who first started watching the show when he took over, you would have been an adult when he left. So, how do you replace that?
Well, what Producer John Nathan-Turner did next made a lot of sense. Tom Baker had been an unknown when he was cast. But now, having to replace him, JNT decided to take someone who was fairly well known. Nathan-Turner had worked as a production assistant on All Creatures Great and Small before becoming Doctor Who's producer. And one of its stars, Peter Davison, had achieved something of a following working on that show. The shorter, light-haired younger man was also a physical contrast to Tom Baker's imposingly large, dark-haired man. As a start for a new era, Davison was, it seemed, the ideal candidate.
So, naturally, Castrovalva does a lot of work trying to simultaneously convince us that this is both a brand new Doctor, but also very much still the same Doctor. Which is probably the reason for the very strange story structure. Castrovalva is pretty cleanly divided into halves. The trouble in the TARDIS section covering the first two episodes, and the portion actually set in the castle of Castrovalva, covering episodes three and four.
The first two episodes feel like they're trying to connect the Doctor back to previous incarnations. Peter Davison actually decided in rehearsal to perform several sections like he was previous iterations, and dialogue got rewritten to emphasize this (I'm especially pleased that he got in an impish giggle when he was channeling the 1st Doctor, as that's an oft overlooked element of William Hartnell's performance). There's also a pretty heavy emphasis placed on the relationship between the Doctor and the TARDIS in these two episodes. The TARDIS opens up a roundel to provide medicine, and offers the Doctor a wheelchair. We haven't really seen much evidence of the TARDIS having a mind of its own since, and this is going way back, The Edge of Destruction, but it still helps emphasize the idea of the Doctor still being the Doctor. After all, if the TARDIS is trying to take care of the Doctor, then clearly it's still the Doctor.
Though, as the Doctor admits, things are a lot rougher this time than in the past. Before this the Doctor has always regenerated in a relatively stable situation as an adventure was ending. Here, he's essentially dropped in mid-struggle with the Master and he just needs some rest in a calm place. A lot of stuff is thrown at us. Apparently the cure for post-regeneration trauma is simplicity – the more complex the environment the worse the symptoms. The TARDIS has a room for just such purposes, called a "Zero Room". In a worst case scenario (say, after you accidentally jettisoned the Zero Room to create thrust to escape the explosion of the Big Bang) the doors and walls of the Zero Room can be used to create a smaller "Zero Cabinet" which looks like a TARDIS interior-themed casket.
While that's going on, we get some of the most inane conversations you can imagine between Nyssa and Tegan. I like these bits in theory. Tegan and Nyssa are trying to work out a lot here after all. It's, for each of them, their first proper trip in the TARDIS, and what with the Doctor suffering the after-effects of regeneration and Adric off being weird (he's actually mental projection being controlled by the Master), the two of them have to figure out how to keep the Doctor healthy, stop the TARDIS from traveling directly into the creation of the universe (called the galaxy here because science fiction writers aren't scientists) and just generally hold things together. The problem is the actual dialogue is sheer nonsense. There's a lot talk about the power of the word "if". There's also a lot of talk about recursion which, while it's a theme of the overarching story had no place being introduced when it was.
This is all doubly frustrating because, if you remove Nyssa and Tegan's more vapid conversations from the equation, they have a pretty good story together. The basic idea of the front half of the story is that the two are left to work things out without the Doctor and Adric. It's a really effective way to put emphasis on the two newest members of the TARDIS team, who essentially just joined the TARDIS last story. Tegan working out the TARDIS controls (even though she doesn't really, it turns out the Master-controlled Adric projection did that for her), and Nyssa providing scientific explanations and useful context – they genuinely make a good team. There's a bit where the Doctor sets up how his new companions can thrive on their own. Adric of course has a mathematical genius, and as of the events of Logopolis you might as well say he's got magic. Nyssa has "technical skill and understanding" and Tegan is the "coordinator". And it actually plays out over the course of the story. It's just a shame that some of these conversation are so mindless.
That takes us into the second half of the story, where the Doctor gets to be a bit more active and we actually visit the planet/city/castle of Castrovalva. Throughout episode 3 Castrovalva is presented to us as a kind of ideal medieval-inspired society (lot of those lately). From the beginning though, something feels off. Something constantly feels artificial about Castrovalva, like it's setting is a little too idyllic and uncomplicated. And then there the seemingly sinister presence of Shardovan, the librarian who always seems to be skulking around. And then there's The Portreeve, a wise old man who always seems to know a little bit more than he should.
And that's all for good reason. Castrovalva is fake. The Master made it up, disguised himself as the Portreeve as a trap for the Doctor, using Adric's ability with block transfer calculations – he'd captured Adric at the beginning of the story. As always, the Master's greatest weakness is that he likes things to be grand and complicated, and so over the course of the two episodes the facade is slowly dismantled. And in a genuinely clever moment, the fake people that the Master has created aren't entirely happy about being used by him. "You made us, man of evil. But we are free," says Shardovan before he destroys the web that is holding Castrovalva together in a genuinely effective and cathartic moment.
And I do like how Shardovan, clearly set up to make us think he's the villain, and possibly even the Master, with his dark outfit, sinister stares, and heavy contrast to the more friendly attitudes of the rest of the Castrovalvans, turns out to be the person who's worked out that something is wrong with Castrovalva. It might not seem all that innovative, but at this point in Doctor Who's history it's genuinely hard to think of someone who was presented with so many of the superficial signifiers of being a villain but turned out not to be. It even makes sense internally. Castrovalva has intentionally been created to lull the Doctor into a false sense of security. So the one character who's not doing that turning out to be good is just a natural progression.
These episodes are also where we get a better sense of the Doctor. I'll admit that on past viewings, I never really cared much for Peter Davison's take on the Doctor, but on my current run through his era (as I've mentioned before, I'm always watching ahead while I'm watching for review) I've found him more compelling than I have in the past. Here he approaches Castrovalva with a kind of mad panic. Something is wrong here, but he can't quite place it. He's trying to solve the puzzle of what's wrong and it doesn't help that he's still recovering from his regeneration, something that doesn't really resolve itself until the end of the story. It's a solid contrast from Tom Baker's austere and eccentric Doctor, to Davison who brings a more manic energy. Today we're used to the Doctor being wild and high energy, but this is really the first time we get that kind of NuWhoish energy.
I'm still not gelling with Ainley's Master though. I enjoy him as the Portreeve here, playing the kind of wise old man who normally would be one of the Doctor's allies. Except the Portreeve always seems to know a little too much. Watching it back, there's definitely plenty to hint at the Portreeve's true nature. As the Master though…I don't know, it still just doesn't work for me. I like the Master's plan in this story, it's overcomplicated, but that's kind of the Master's MO. But Ainley just always seems to go a bit overboard in his portrayal.
I haven't really talked much about Adric this story, but that's because he doesn't really do much in this one. One of the challenges the show is going to have with three companions is finding something for each of them to do. In this story Adric is mostly sidelined. We get the, by now, well worn trope of Adric pretending to side with the villain of the story but it barely even lasts long enough to note. Mostly, Adric is used as a tool by the Master, very little more.
Castrovalva is, on the whole, a solid enough start to the 5th Doctor era, but I do have some pretty major reservations. The first half in particular is just full of these completely empty-minded conversations between Nyssa and Tegan that should have been good, but are just so poorly written. Things get better in the back half, but there's still some iffy bits. Still, I do like Castrovalva in spite of its flaws.
Score: 6/10

Stray Observations

• This was Eric Seward's first story as Script Editor. Previous Script Editor Christopher H. Bidmead wrote this story, effectively resolving the plot of prior story, also written by Bidmead, Logopolis.
• Starting with this story, Doctor Who began airing twice weekly, on Mondays and Tuesdays, as opposed to the once a week schedule it had been on since its debut.
• Peter Davison is credited as "The Doctor" for this story, rather than "Doctor Who" as was the case previously. The general belief seems to be that Peter Davison requested the change, and this certainly tracks with him being a big Doctor Who fan, but I wasn't able to find anything confirming this.
• The Portreeve is credited separately from the Master, even though Anthony Ainley plays both. He is credited as "Neil Toynay", an anagram of "Ton Ainley".
• Director Fiona Cumming had actually been involved with Doctor Who for a long time, her first job on the show being as an Assistant Floor Manager on The Massacre (1966). She was a production assistant on several shows, including Doctor Who during the 70s, and started directing in 1974 with an episode of Z-Cars. However the BBC didn't let her direct full-time and she became a freelance director in 1979.
• This story was actually filmed fourth in the season. While Davison has claimed this was done to give him more time to get familiar with the role, in reality it was simply a case of the first story idea to open the season, Project Zeta-Sigma proving unusable. This did have the unintended consequence that the series regulars were a bit to friendly with each other before Director Fiona Cuming had to remind them that, in story, they had all just met very recently.
• The plot was inspired by two MC Escher posters in the office of BBC Head of Drama Graeme MacDonald, which stuck with Bidmead. Producer John Nathan-Turner apparently hated the things, saying "art should be there to soothe, not distract" which is…certainly a take. The posters were of MC Escher painting "Ascending and Descending". Bidmead connected this to the mathematical and computer science concept of recursion (as noted when I covered Logopolis, Bidmead had an interest in computers).
• Apparently Peter Davison liked Castrovalva, but never quite understood what it was about.
• Episode 1 starts with a precredits sequence recapitulating the cliffhanger from Logopolis. It's the first time an episode has placed a scene before the credits. Notably the music is changed ever so slightly to be more optimistic, as Logopolis was the end of an era, but Castrovalva is the beginning of another one.
• The title sequence has been updated. It's the same one as the one used for Season 18, but the awkward picture of Tom Baker's face has been replaced with a perfectly reasonable picture of Peter Davison's. I'm still not fond of the starfield openings, but this is at least an improvement, however minor.
• In the first scene of the story proper, The Doctor and companions are running away from the Pharos Project guards. Tegan and Adric are supporting the Doctor's weight, and when Adric lets go, the Doctor collapses directly onto Tegan and it's actually fairly funny.
• So a second after claiming the only thing she knows about the TARDIS controls is the door mechanism, Nyssa activates the scanner via the TARDIS controls.
• In episode 1 we see the Doctor unravelling the 4th Doctor's iconic scarf to track his way through the TARDIS. I have seen people get so mad about this, but I actually think it's brilliant. It's a new era after all, and what a better visual metaphor for that is there than the Doctor unravelling his prior incarnations' most iconic item of clothing.
• When Nyssa mentions that the Zero Room that the Doctor asked to go to is probably a "neutral environment, cut off from the rest of the universe", Tegan suggests Brisbane.
• And of course the Doctor gets a new outfit. It's…fine. While the Season 18 version of the 4th Doctor outfit was too much of one color it was still built on the bones of a good look for the Doctor. But now we're very much in the JNT "uniform" style clothing. I'll admit, being an American, I wouldn't necessarily recognize a crickiter's outfit, much less an Edwardian one, if not for Doctor Who, but knowing that that's what it was based on really makes the whole outfit feel a bit gimmicky. As for the celery lapel…I don't get it. It's such a random and weird element, and I'm not sure what it's doing there (out of universe at least). I do like that the Doctor still has a hat. I like it when the Doctor has a hat. Not enough Doctors wore hats (Both Two and Eleven liked to pick up hats from time to time but they never held onto the things. The Doctors who held onto their hats were the Fourth Doctor's fedora, the 5th Doctor's Panama hat, and the 7th Doctor's straw hat.).
• The cricket outfit wasn't the first idea proposed for the Doctor's outfit. Initially he would have worn a polo outfit. Davison liked the sporting motif, but preferred cricket gear instead.
• Peter Davison was not a fan of the question mark lapels.
• The Doctor calling a wheelchair in episode 2 "transport of delight" is both a great line delivery by Davison, and a really early look into how the 5th Doctor sees things.
• Nyssa's outfit changes slightly throughout episode two. Her skirt is replaced with trousers, and she loses the velvet jacket and her ornamental comb on Castrovalva. The original costume was considered impractical, so the simplified version was designed.
• In episode 3 the Doctor eats a stick of celery. Notably for the man that would spend the rest of his time on the show wearing celery, Peter Davison actually hated the stuff, and immediately spit the celery out the moment they stopped filming.

Next Time: It's been three whole serials since we've had a story without the Master. So let's get some killer androids in here instead. Much better.

Hi everyone. I've noticed an uptick in the amount of submissions that aren't about the past. I'd like to keep the conversations here about changes to historical events and I'm requesting feedback on a "Nothing after 1999" rule.
Right now the rules ask that we keep questions to issues at least six years old, but that seems to enable a lot of crossover into current events. For instance, the 2016 US Presidential Election technically falls into that range, but it's hard to talk about it without getting into more recent political events. There's also a lot of questions that just ignore even the six year rule, like, "What if Hamas cooperated with Fatah on the Oct 7 attacks?", or questions about the future like "What is South Korea's birth rate remains low?" Many of these non-historical threads devolve into arguments about contemporary social issues. I'd really like this place to avoid some of the heat that shows up in political subreddits.
We have plenty of places to argue with each other about modern events, but not so many places where we can ask important questions like, "What if Neanderthals colonized Antarctica?" or "What if the Pirate Queen Zheng Yi Sao established a dynasty?" or "What if Bermuda was the size of Hawaii's Big Island?"
What do you all think? Are there other good ways to keep the subreddit on topic that aren't too stifling?

27/28. Batgirl Begins - 4/5 (Starting this in medias res was a good choice, since if you're already familiar with Batman stuff, you know Barbara was gonna become Batgirl in this (and even if you don't, the title would reveal as much). So starting with a Poison Ivy fight made me more curious to see everything that lead up to it was opposed to just waiting for the "reveal" that Barbara becomes Batgirl and Pamela becomes Poison Ivy. Plus, Barbara's snarky narration was amusing. Introducing Batgirl as Batman's first sidekick (even if this was merely due to a stupid embargo) as well as making Poison Ivy be her best friend turned arch nemesis is pretty fun because of its uniqueness alone. Especially because it makes the stakes more interesting when Ivy has a personal grudge against Gordon. And I liked Batman's "not every child gets the opportunity to rescue their parent" comment. Yeah, it's cliché, but that stuff is the core of Batman, so it's nice to see this side of him acknowledged, since it rarely is in this series. Also, making Gordon not able to recognize Batgirl as Barbara because he wasn't wearing his glasses was pretty "clever". "Clever" in quotations because it's still dumb, but since most DC shows love to sell you on the idea that people cannot recognize each other's face by simply putting a mask on the top half, it's funny that this series bothered to give an explanation at all. He should still have recognized her voice, but you can't win 'em all.)
29. A Dark Knight to Remember - 3/5 (Freezing Poison Ivy in the previous episode, then defeating the Kabuki Twins by freezing them in this as well? Batman is becoming Mr. Freeze. Anyway, here's a pretty standard amnesia cartoon episode. Decent gimmick, and they also added a stock Secret Identity Almost Discovered:tm: plot to spice things up. The circumstances of Bruce's amnesia being the perfect cover for Barbara dropping the idea that he could be Batman is fun, but Bruce's actual amnesia is just cartoonishly illogical. Even if he lost memories of his last few years as the Batman, how would that also genuinely make him a self absorbed playboy? He was always a broody guy with a heart of gold, even before donning the cape and cowl.)
30. A Fistful of Felt - 3/5 (This is just a poor man's Double Talk. It treads the exact same stuff; Wesker is cured of Scarface so he lives a peaceful life before Scarface forcibly reappears at the hands of someone trying to bait him and he succumbs to it before Batman eventually confronts him and Scarface gets destroyed. Except this is way less substantial and lacking in drama and emotion. It's a shame, because during the group therapy scene, I was excited that this could potentially be a formula bender, having it take place entirely in Arkham Asylum and focusing on Wesker's recovery process. But then I remembered this is The Batman, so yeah. Also I HATE Snooty's design!)
31. RPM - 2/5 (Wow, after seeing this, I immediately went out and bought The Batman Batmobile #2 with working lights & sounds, firing disc launcher and opening cockpit! No, but really, did I actually just watch a toy commercial for 20 minutes? I get that that's where action cartoons make their profit, and that's fine, but this was so blatant it's not even funny. Like that scene of Batman arriving in his new CGI Batmobile as the camera spins around it. Give me a break. Not to imply the writers were being hacky or anything. It was clearly an executive mandate. They just wrote a lame episode around it. Gearhead wasn't very interesting, although it's cool he was voiced by Will Friedle I guess. And the episode is just about cars, a subject I do not find interesting. I did laugh at Barbara asking Gordon "taking the car?" and he just opens the door and stares at her.)
32. Brawn - 4/5 (At this point they should rename the series "The Batgirl" since most episodes now put her in the main role, having to save Batman's butt. Not a complaint, it's a nice change of pace from the repetitive Batman Stops Villain:tm: plots. This episode is pretty darn good though, which is surprising since it's really nothing but a long fight scene. Most of it consecutively takes place in real time on one street street as they duke it out. You'd think that would get boring, but Bane-ified Joker is a cool enough concept to genuinely carry enough entertainment value on its own. And Batgirl using the Batbot was fun.)
33. The Laughing Cats - 4/5 (Two Joker episodes in a row? Also a Catwoman episode, which... Yeah, Joker being in it was obviously an improvement. Making her team up with Batman to stop Joker was more interesting than had it been about Batman stopping another one of her generic jewel thefts. Them being stuck in a maze with Joker using their gadgets was fun, and I liked that his hyenas were not loyal to him at all, LOL. As a side note, Kilgore Steed's hunter schtick makes NO sense. Capturing animals to put them in a giant maze full of traps that will just automatically kill them is not much of a "hunt".)
34. Fleurs du Mal - 3/5 (I guess the show isn't going to acknowledge any drama between Barbara and Poison Ivy and she's immediately relegated to stock villain who does her villainous schtick and gets defeated? Clayface all over again. It also wasn't much of a mystery who the villain could be since it literally begins with the mayor being taken over by flowers. The characters themselves uncovering the mystery and battling the plant replicas was neat enough, so whatever. And Batman punching an old lady was funny. I don't understand why Poison Ivy replaced Penguin, though. She's replacing the people who control Gotham, and he's a washed up nobody who's lost his fortune. Also, Batman is lucky he only fought the plant replica or he would have killed Penguin. He fell right into spinning blades which clearly shredded him... Although he's still intact when they land, so I guess logic took a break for this scene. Side note, the show is getting WAY too reliant on ending with a zoomout of Batman and Batgirl as she makes some snappy comment.)
35. Cash for Toys - 2/5 (So Cash can return but not Yin? There is no justice in this world. He wasn't funny in his first appearance, and he's...slightly less unfunny here. So yeah. Add a straight up Toyman ripoff instead of just Toyman, for some reason, and you get a pretty lame episode. I get that he's a Superman villain, but the series didn't have a problem using Solomon Grundy, so Toyman shouldn't have been off the table. You could assume they just embargo'd him because he made cameos, albeit speechless, in JLU. But then, Grundy was the main focus of a JLU episode less than a year before Grundy's Night, so this doesn't add up! Not that Krank being called Toyman would make a difference, because I still wouldn't like him. So, YEAH.)
36. The Apprentice - 4/5 (Joker getting a sidekick is definitely a fun idea, and while I obviously liked this episode, it plays out exactly how you'd expect. I liked how wholesome Joker was to Donnie at first when he was brainstorming ideas and then turned grim when Donnie didn't want to hurt people. It definitely adds at least one more layer than the average Joker Shenanigans:tm: episode. You can definitely feel how genuinely scary it would be to simply be around this lunatic, especially if he has it out for you. Also, Donnie's jokes probably doesn't get laughs because he's in high school doing kindergarten tier jokes.)
37. Thunder - 3/5 (It's Maxie Zeus, the most iconic DC character of all time, doing his typical Olympus schtick. Yeah, so, the episode isn't really about him. His scheme is just a setup to show how well Batgirl can carry herself. And in that aspect, I do find it fun. It's a bit dumb that she yaps to Batman about how she wants to be in the loop though, as if she isn't just Batgirling of her own accord. He never agreed to be a team, she just stalks him. Side note, Gordon sternly correcting Grange with "batarang" made me chuckle.)
38. The Icy Depths - 4/5 (Despite being the umpteenth episode about stealing jewels, this was refreshing due to presenting it more as an actual mystery and having two villains, alongside Alfred and his old chum, trying to uncover it. It was fun how they all got the upper hand on one another, and I always like Alfred being involved in an adventure. I don't understand why Batman even needs to stop this "crime", though. The treasure doesn't belong to anyone anymore. And if it DOES rightfully belong to someone, that would be Penguin. What was up with a random rotating shot of the boat here though?)
39. Gotham's Ultimate Criminal Mastermind - 3/5 (Mr. Freeze's Arkham number is 800B5. I bet they thought they were really funny with that one. Unlike the previous BTAS ripoff episodes, this was only vaguely a ripoff of Heart of Steel, so I'll cut it some slack. But it's pretty thin. D.A.V.E. is just super smart and wants to defeat Batman, then Batman wins by just telling him something that does not compute. I guess it's neat that they finally built on those vague hints about Hugo Strange being "evil". It's just a shame the antagonist is merely his robot, not actually him. And why does he get locked in Arkham after being caught? He's not insane.)
40. A Matter of Family - 3/5 (Who sharpened Bruce's jaw?! Also, Mark Hamill and Kevin Conroy. As for the actual episode, I was underwhelmed. It's a pretty straightforward telling of Robin's origin story, but it rushes the emotional moments and doesn't let them get too "heavy", which makes them less effective. Zucco is a pretty upfront mustache-twirling villain instead of a mysterious figure, and they don't really acknowledge how devastating such an event would be, or the awkwardness of immediately being adopted by a rando. Dick just gets some watery eyes then he's instantly comfortable at Wayne Manor. But I liked tying "Robin" into something his mom used to call him. Batman speaks with a much deeper voice in this episode. Must've come with the new jaw.)
41. Team Penguin - 4/5 (Did it really take seeing teamwork in a movie for Penguin spawn the brilliantly unique plan of "more villains = harder for Batman"? This was a fun teamup, though. I'm glad they didn't go for the obvious choices like Joker, Mr. Freeze, Riddler etc and instead opted for the "misfits". Croc is the only one of the group I didn't care for. But I liked seeing Ragdoll again, and Killer Moth was pretty funny. I liked that he remained a suckup even after being horribly mutated. I liked the theme of teamwork the episode had, since it ties nicely together with the valid jealousy Barbara would have for some rando in red becoming Batman's sidekick and knowing his identity when she has been wanting that for ages. Also, Robin immediately wailing on Penguin for calling him a lackey made me laugh.)
42. Clayfaces - 4/5 (Nice to see my buddy Bennett again. Guess they wanted to redeem themselves after the nonsense they pulled with Grundy's Night. But given this is his last appearance, this was a pretty unsatisfying "arc". Him going full-blown villain didn't make sense from the start. His desire to take revenge on Joker I get, but aside from that, it shouldn't have taken him THIS long to realize he should use his powers for good instead. Basil Karlo wasn't a super compelling character or anything, but him being an ugly dweeb was quite funny, and the spectacle of two Clayfaces duking it out more than makes up for it, because that was pretty awesome. Side note, why is this company so picky with who they cast in their fricking dog food commercial? It's dog food. Just show dogs.)
43. The Everywhere Man - 3/5 (I like the concept of the Everywhere Man, but was disappointed at how little they truly utilized it for story/action potential. The first half is just a mystery where you're supposed to think it's two guys (provided you did not read the episode title), then Johnny just expositions how his powers work and Batman fights a bunch of copies. The villain himself being a copy is a cool twist, but it would've been more interesting if the copies mostly worked as a hivemind and they utilized that to make fighting them really hard for Batman since they'd be such a perfectly synchronized army. The episode wrapping itself around some girl saying Johnny was cuter as a nerd, and then the real Johnny getting the girl in the end was so random it's almost hilarious.)
44. The Breakout - 4/5 (Black Mask being in this episode is pretty neat, as he is a fairly well-known character who, despite that, doesn't seem to appear in animation a lot. That said, he was not very compelling. He's just a stern, no-nonsense mob boss. Which for the plot of this episode is all he needs to be, so I won't give him flack for that. It's a fun change of pace to have a mostly Batman-free episode with focus on his sidekicks instead. Batgirl and Robin have a pretty charming dynamic; I liked when they guessed what Black Mask's face looks like and he got pissed off. LOL. And it was interesting how it's sort of a bottle episode, with most of it taking place within the police station as they try to prevent Black Mask's militia from breaking in. Batman ending the episode by telling them to wash the Batmobile was a certified LOL.)
45. Strange New World - 5/5 (This was great. I really like Hugo Strange, so it's fun to actually see his sinister side now that he's been outed as a villain. And while at first it felt mostly like a standard zombie story, the dramaic tone and hellish visuals, alongside the crazy ways the zombies jump around, made the whole thing a pleasure to look at. But the twist is what really got me. I didn't put it all together myself until right as Batman was figuring it out, and it really made all the scenes of him fighting zombie Batgirl/Robin/Gordon amusing to think about in retrospect. That said, isn't this a Scarecrow-tier scheme? I guess since he couldn't be in this show they just gave it to Strange.)
46. Artifacts - 3/5 (For an entire episode set in the future, I was expecting more than just the spectacle of a generic Mr. Freeze battle. But that's really all there is to it. That said, I liked the W I D E Batman design. I know it's an homage to The Dark Knight Returns, but I've never seen or read that, so yeah. Mr. Freeze blatantly saying that title after seeing the Batman was so funny, though. It works contextually, but when you know the reference it felt no different than if he had said "Batman: The Animated Series". LOL. I see Barbara will go the Oracle route in this show. Sad. Also, they can blatantly reference Bennett and Yin, but refuse to show them any further regardless? Screw. You.)
47. Seconds - 4/5 (The Batman's take on Clock King? He's not officially named as such, but it's pretty much a Cosmo Krank/Toyman situation again. I found his time travel abilities fairly interesting, as it was fun to see some random schmuck effortlessly upstage Batman. HOW he got those powers though... He got bored in prison and was surrounded by clocks, so one day he could shift time. What? Also Batman has an atomic clock that is not affected by time literally shifting backwards. What?? Yeah, so, this episode has a lot of "okay buddy" moments. But really, they just added to the fun. If you're gonna be nonsensical, might as well go all in. And that ending really caught me off guard. Imagine reliving 17 years of your life like that, only to still end up a fricking clock repairman. He really couldn't have invested in stocks he knew would have gone up?)
48. Riddler's Revenge - 4/5 (I certainly wasn't expecting this series to try and pull off an emotional Riddler episode. One that actually works, no less. But here we are. It's not the deepest thing in the world, but I thought seeing his origin handled this "seriously" was an fun take, and it was interesting that his own origin was a "riddle" that he got wrong. Wrapping the origin around him and Batman being trapped in a crate was pretty clever. Although after unwrapping his entire life story to Batman, I would've thought he would be a little less hostile towards him after they escape. But no, he just goes back to being evil. I liked Batman's final line though. "When is a villain, not THE villain?".)
49. Two of a Kind - 4/5 (They got Paul Dini in just to write the Harley episode. It's pretty good, though. The different take from Mad Love is amusing to see. I think showing Harleen as a loudly outspoken ditz makes her descent into jester-themed criminal more believable. Especially since they directly give her a personal vendetta to push the criminal aspect further. But since this episode is mostly banking on showcasing the "unique take", it's hard to look at it past comparisons. Without them, it's sort of just The Apprentice but with Harley instead of Donnie. But Harley is funnier, and generally I liked all the zany stuff she and Joker gets into, so this is the better "Joker gets a sidekick" episode. Plus, it has a whole ass Joker musical number.)
50. Rumors - 3/5 (The Batman's take on... Lock-Up? Okay, not really, but the similarities did cross my mind. The premise here is pretty basic. Rumor was not a very thrilling antagonist or anything. He's some generic guy who works for another generic guy, who's just a red herring because he blames being a cripple on Batman. Really, the spectacle of Batman fighting all his past villains in the final scene is the best part of the episode. Although I'm confused why some of them are even there and in costume. Cluemaster only had one goal, why would he still be Cluemastering? And is Spellbinder really Gotham based? How did Rumor even capture him? He's a psychic! And Harley Quinn literally JUST became a villain. I liked Penguin begging Batman to stop him, though. LOL.)
51/52. The Joining - 4/5 (Oh geez, it's Martian Kronkhunter. Couldn't Patrick Warburton voice him instead of Cash Tankinson? I liked the way he casually outs knowing Batman's identity. But on that note, they sure talk about that in public a LOT here. Including the aforementioned scene, both Robin and Bruce himself yaps out "Bruce Wayne is Batman" on two separate occasions. Robin says it in a crowded street, Bruce in a small diner. Yeah, I'm sure absolutely NO ONE within the vicinity could have possibly heard those things. It's not like Bruce and J'onn are having a lengthy conversation about it right where the waitress, chef, and any potential surrounding customers could hear it or anything.
This was a pretty basic alien invasion story, and it's quite a leap in stakes compared to the usual jewel thievery. But I liked the usage of Martian Manhunter. I thought he and Batman had an interesting chemistry. Their initial fight scene was so stupid, though. "Oh no, the Batman discovered I'm an alien. Better not explain anything and instead just beat him up and run away until he catches up and then say I'm on his side". I thought the emotional anchor of Batgirl and Robin feeling unwanted was a bit undercooked, but the moment when Batman says he worries about losing them was sweet, so whatever. And I liked the scene of the villains helping the police fend off aliens.)
53/54. The Batman / Superman Story - 3/5 (With the show finally being allowed to bring in more expansive DC lore, the first thing they make is the most generic Superman story they could think of. Yeah, okay. I liked the way Batman discovered Superman's identity, and seeing the villains of Gotham take him down was fun. But a whole episode just for that that setup, with the second being a prolonged Batman vs. Superman fight scene and then stopping Lex Luthor from doing something evil? Yeah, I didn't really jive with it. Also, with literally ALL of the sky available, did Superman really just fly right into Robin? AND ignored it? Not very boyscout-y.)
55. Vertigo - 3/5 (This was decent, but it mostly thrives off of the novelty of being a Green Arrow crossover as opposed to being an organic Batman story. In fact this would have been improved by cutting out Batman entirely. I liked seeing Green Arrow's origin, and they could've explored his attempt to take revenge on Vertigo and such on his own. And while he DOES do that here, since it's a Batman show, most of it is from Batman's perspective as Green Arrow recaps his story. So, ultimately, they should just make The Green Arrow.)
56. White Heat - 4/5 (Neat revamp of Firefly. He was never a particularly compelling character, but the fact that he was already established in this show makes his descent from petty thief to molten monster in this more compelling by default than had this been his first episode a la Killer Moth or something. And with the inclusion of his girlfriend, it had some genuine emotion. Not a tearjerker or anything, but his last appearance being his girlfriend dumping him and walking away as he's stuck in a pitch black prison cell with him still faintly glowing in the dark is pretty bleak. So the fact that they managed to get all of that out of an episode that can be summed up to "Batman stops molten villain cause he's too hot" is impressive. The battle at the power plant itself was pretty awesome though. But Bruce is really risking his identity fighting with half his face exposed like that.)
57. A Mirror Darkly - 3/5 (Just like the Superman episode, the writers barely do anything to justify its existence besides thinking I should be thrilled by the mere presence of Flash. Well, when the plot is as generic as one of Flash's iconic rogues coming to Gotham to be evil so Flash stops him and Batman helps because it's a Batman show... I'm not. And just like Superman again, Flash didn't leave much of an impression of me. Adding the trait that he talks incredibly fast was amusing, I suppose.)
58. Joker Express - 3/5 (I would have thought with free reign to utilize all of DC lore, this show would be over their generic Joker Scheme:tm: episodes. Guess not. There's literally nothing to be said about this one that hasn't been said about the others, though. Batgirl being infected with Joker's laugh was definitely a very enjoyable scene. But after that, it's as predictable as Topsy Turvy, JTV or The Apprentice.)
59. Ring Toss - 3/5 (Green Lantern. I wonder what fresh, unique plot The Batman crew will conjure up for this one. Oh, Sinestro comes to attack Hal Jordan, but Hal wins. And Batman helps in between, because it's a Batman show. Starting to sound like a broken record here, but that's how unimaginative these episodes really are. It's competent, but it's pretty much shut-your-brain-off-and-enjoy-the-action tier. This one does have the middle part of Penguin with a power ring, which was genuinely gold stuff. The only problem is, it doesn't last for long enough, and ultimately Penguin's inclusion is really just time filler in between Sinestro being defeated.
60. The Metal Face of Comedy - 4/5 (Let me get this straight, Joker is digitally copied by wearing a helmet connected to a laptop while getting shocked? On top of the common trope of cartoon writers not understanding how video games work, logic is clearly not this episode's strong suit. The phrase "mentally download money" pretty much speaks for itself. Regardless, the prospect of Joker vs. Joker is fun enough alone. All the wacky antics Joker 2.0 is able to get into with his morphic abilities were visually fun. It's especially amusing to see the real Joker completely discombobulated by being upstaged and betrayed by, well, himself. Even cheering on for Batman to win.)
61. Attack of the Terrible Trio - 3/5 (The Terrible Trio were fun as a group of misfits, but it's pretty laughable how these college students are being bullied like it's middle school. Also do they really expect me to believe the hot, edgy chick is considered a loser? Jake is the only loser here. It's cool that this show actually had them transform into animals, even if the designs are little...awkward. It's also neat that they gave them a connection to Barbara's personal life, but at the same time it's disappointing that they didn't put Batgirl in a bigger role because of it. Batman's still the one saving the day. Also I was a little disappointing David's final transformation wasn't any more creative than just a griffin. As a side note, it's nice that this closes the door on Langstrom's Man-Bat arc.)
62. The End of the Batman - 3/5 (Fake title, there's three more episodes. The idea of an Anti-Batman and Robin is pretty fun. Wrath served as an entertaining foil to Batman what with figuring out his identity and everything. I think the ending is a little cheap, though. Joker uses his smile-gas so much, you'd think there would be a common antidote by now. Not like Wrath and Scorn are gonna be like that for the rest of their lives. Also a portion of this episode is pretty reminiscent of Team Penguin. Something which they even acknowledge themselves. But just because they point it out doesn't make it not true! Joker being annoyed by being put on menial tasks was funny though.)
63. What Goes Up... - 4/5 (Same as the previous Justice League members, Hawkman didn't leave much of an impression on me. But this time it doesn't matter as much because the episode doesn't put half the spotlight on him. It's mostly focused on Batman stopping Black Mask's, a villain whom I already thought should be utilized more, scheme. Which is stealing a whole building! I mean how cool of an action setpiece isn't an airborne building? On top of Robin being nth metal'd, it was a very fun watch. Really, Hawkman and Shadow Thief feel more like afterthoughts. But even that isn't a bad thing, because they had very enjoyable action scenes. And geez, poor Number One #2.)
64/65. Lost Heroes - 4/5 (Oh, the actual Toyman appears in this show. "Toyman" my ass, that's a damn Jester. Cosmo Krank is more of a Toyman than you will ever be, bud. This episode is pretty fun, if only because I think the narrative of non-superpowered heroes proving their capabilities and humbling the heroes with superpowers when they can't use theirs is amusing. Batman and Green Arrow as a duo was good, and everybody fighting their robot counterparts was cool. I think the robots had pretty rad designs. The only "bad" aspects of the episode is rehashing The Joining as the threat again, and Hugo Strange's inclusion. Not that I don't like him, I think he's a great villain. But this wasn't really a story fitting for him. He's better working from the shadows with the intent of studying the behavior of his victim, not just being a pawn to some alien robot.)

I found myself alone in the hospital this morning. It was a waste of a day already, as I’d spent my time lying around and talking to no one, and then I got into work, and that’s where the real lying started. You see, I have a bit of a problem.
For the past three years of my life, I’ve worked in this department. It’s big, and sometimes spacious if we’ve run out of wheelchairs and beds, which take up most of the corridors nowadays. I sit near the ambulance bay, and so the wind comes in every time the doors open. I like to tuck myself into the corner and not be seen by anybody, and especially not the outside world: if it caught any idea of my being here, I’d be properly blasted with ice-cold, unflattering air.
It's the same as any job. When it’s boring, it’s boring, and when it’s not… let’s just say that I’ve seen my fair share of fist-fights over these past, winding months.
But whatever, so the poets say.
My real problem is that I want to leave the Programme.
You might question what I mean by ‘leave’, might laugh at my apprehension—at your assumption—but whatever you think it is, that’s not really what I’m talking about. You’d know what I meant if you lived here too. Everyone else does.
We have to be careful. I don’t want this to get into someone else’s hands, or they’ll start talking about people like me and then I’ll be really into the thick of things. So don’t make this worse for me.
I’ll get to the point. Our world is slightly different from yours. Yes, we have hospitals. Yes, we have emergency departments – and yes, for better or worse, we still have administrators who print everything off for you. That’s me. I’m paid to do that, and then I get on the bus and go home, and it’s all very pleasant. Then I do it the next day, and I have my two days off, whenever they come.
I’ve tried talking to the people in my department, but they’re strange. Not all of them, of course, but the ones who do talk back are usually doing so with the air of someone who is likely to get caught if they go on for too long. The others just look at you, and smile or frown, then they ask you to do something, and you do it and they walk away.
It’s not their fault. I suppose we don’t see each other for long enough to establish any real sort of contact.
But this morning, I was alone (it doesn’t matter how—only that there were no patients or staff, no wheelchairs, no beds—it was empty), and I finally said it aloud. I want to exit the Programme.
You really need silence to say that sort of thing. No one can cope with it, and I know that because I’ve tried to joke about it, and they all went quiet. That’s the difficulty: you can’t spring that on someone when you’re in the queue for the canteen, or passing by chance on your way to the staff room.
I’ve seen others who want to leave, as well. They have that look in their eye. I’ve tried to speak to them, but they end up changing the subject and won’t tell me what’s going on. They’re right, in a way. It’s none of my business, and if anyone finds out that I’ve been hearing them out, they’ll get me into trouble in some way.
It’s anyone, not just people who work at this hospital. My favourite patients are the ones where I can tell they want the same as me, except that they’ve been discovered and brought in to talk about it. I’ve seen the police pick them up, and while I’m working away, I try to make eye contact with the patients as if I could help—as if I could ever let them know the truth!
We have paid professionals to talk to people about exiting the Programme, how it’s advised against in all measures, that it takes time and precious money away from the people who really want to be here, that we only have so many resources to go around. It’s your own fault if you really don’t like the way things are done, because everybody else is able to enjoy the Programme in some way. Besides, the people in charge are always so busy. I work with some of them, and they always make a point to let me know just how busy they are.
But I know it's not just me: I’ve seen it everywhere, those posters teaching you how to spot the signs of someone who wants to leave the Programme, how to watch them carefully if you’re unsure. Who to call, what to do, if they won’t listen to reason. They’ve got steps on how to get yourself back into it, loving the Programme again. One of the ideas was to keep a journal, that you could write down a few things each day to remind yourself of why you’re grateful to be in the Programme at all.
I’ve never told anyone about what I really think. Some people get taken away forever because of it, if they’re really bad. I’ve known a few who change their minds about leaving, and now they go around telling everyone that people who want to leave don’t actually want to, that it’s all in the way they’re looking at things.
No one really wants to have a conversation about it. I think most of them are afraid of wanting to leave, because we haven’t been told what happens next. There’s no form or anything to fill in, people just disappear all the time. Sometimes it’s those you weren’t expecting—and that’s terrifying.
I’ve heard that you can say it out loud like a birthday wish. I want to exit the Programme. I want to leave.
But in all honesty, I can’t remember ever signing a contract.

With ADHD, do you get task paralysis after a day of socialising or after achieving something big or special? I am trying to get a grasp of the difference between ADHD paralysis and PEM in ME/CFS.
Example: I have been bedbound for about a year, I got better (I don't know why and I am very lucky). And yesterday I managed to go for a wheelchair tour around my apartment building. We met with a friend and chatted. It was a lot of socialising + a BIG achievement for me because I've been looking forward this moment for a very long time. Today my brain seems to work (I can type, I have enough energy to doom scroll, I can move around, no physical pain and normal/daily symptoms)… so I feel like I avoided PEM. But I'm just stuck in bed. I could physically go out of bed and I think that physically I would be able to carry on with some tasks like I did yesterday… but instead I've been just in a loop of opening and closing apps on my phone aimlessly. So, is that still PEM? Is that ADHD?
Disclaimer: I am not officially diagnosed with ADHD, I have never tried taking stimulant drugs for ADHD. 7 years ago, while having a major breakdown involving feeling very overwhelmed by everything/unable to clean my bedroom and do anything to take care of myself/big shutdown/also major MCAS reactions/tachy etc…I ended up at a psychiatrist. I was back then receiving care for what they diagnosed me with, at the time: "panic disorder". I noticed only years later that on my intake letter (which I barely read), the psy wrote that I had a "lot of symptoms evocative of ADHD like losing focus easily, not having a clean home" etc etc, but that was not "disabling"… so they did not go further on this path…which I think is super weird now anyways because they just put me in the "anxious girl" spot and left me there without trying to see further. All my friends officially diagnosed with ADHD tell me that I probably have it based on their experiences. I also tend to be quite impulsive, struggle waiting for my turn in conversations, etc. I also have ME/CFS, MCAS, hEDS, endometriosis
Thank you so much!!

While this may not be the typical horror story of this sub I thought I would share anyway; I don't think any other community would understand or appreciate the sheer psychic damage I took during this experience, nor comprehend the depths of baffling decisions made. This is a tale about the one, and only, time I agreed to DM an event for my colleges TTRPG Club, which went so poorly from an organization perspective that I swore off anything involving them again.
First some context; I was not a member of their Club and had no interest in doing so. Firstly I just wasn't interested in getting involved in more TTRPG's at that stage of my life, and also their style of play and DMing just didn't gel with mine from what I heard. (From what I gather it was just the norm for most similar clubs; ban lists a mile long, strict times for sessions, official content only for PC's and DM's, minimal interaction with PC backstory, strict attendance per table, etc.) I don't mention this to bash on them for those rules, I imagine most were born from logistics and from all accounts the players at those tables loved the sessions, it just wasn't my cup of tea and thus I never interacted much with their tables till this story.
While not a member of their club I was instead a member of another club. Our club was invited by the TTRPG club to partake in a crossover event, effectively they wanted to just DM a one shot themed around our club. We agreed and when the numbers started coming in the TTRPG Club realized they'd need extra hands in order to maintain their preferred player to DM ratio they asked for some help. Apparently my name came up as someone who could do it and when asked I agreed to do so.
Immediately from the word go things went a bit awkward. For some reason the guy in charge and who invited me to DM (we'll just call them Sam for this post) decided that immediately after I accepted it was important to inform me it was an in person event because "only morons play online, its the shittest way to play." They continued to just generally insult online, as well as other ways of play, before I interjected and shared that I had been running an online game very successfully for the past two years. After an awkward beat the conversation then shifted to sharing different stories of our DMing and playing, as well as answering questions that a friend of mine who was a newbie had. Or well to be more specific, she'd ask a question and then Sam would turn to me to answer it. This came across as just bizarre as it sounds, and seemed the norm for Sam upon seeing them more often over the coming days; when interacted with by any woman Sam would instead turn to address a man in the room with his response.
Later that day I was added to a gc to organize the event and discovered it was planned to be Game of Thrones Themed! (This being back when the show was huge and everyone was awaiting the final season eagerly.) Immediately I asked what system they were using, sharing that I had been lucky enough to find in a copy of the ASOIF TTRPG core rules! I was then, and still am, yet to use the system but was happy to start pouring over it and sharing as needed to run it. I was then informed that actually as a rule the TTRPG Club exclusively used 5e systems for play, and as such this would be a 5e port. I was surprised to hear this recalling the numerous stories I heard of their sessions, but asking those who were members for more info was shocked to discover that all those sessions of "paranoia," "shadowrun" and other systems were just 5e ports! Apparently the TTRPG Club were exclusively DnD, in fact their DMs apparently had never once played or ran non 5e systems!
Still reeling from this we were then informed that each PC was going to pick a house in addition to their background, and be given associated benefits. (Note: they were not from the house or related to them in anyway mind you, the idea was just that they gained these benefits from living on their land for a while.) Those from House Targaryen were all immune to fire damage, Stark's were made into werewolf's with the added effects from the MM, Lannisters started with an extra 50 gp, etc. It was here that we also learned that those in charge, including Sam, had never actually watched the show and were unwilling to receive any feedback from the "Temps."
We then come to the next day, where the players were to be sorted in groups for each DM to take during an in person meeting. Now I am usually told by others that supposedly I have some sort of skill on picking up on unspoken social cues; I however do not believe any such skill was required to pick up the following bizarre ritual. First each table was gender segregated as much as possible; women only on some tables, men only on others, minimal overlap. No one would have any strong opinion as to what group they would take, that was until Sam would suggest that they take one of the female only groups at which stage one of their regular DMs would instantly step in and proclaim that they suddenly got invested in DMing that specific group. This continued like some fucked up game for the entire meeting until only the groups that were male only were left. I never asked, nor do I think would want to know, why this little ritual existed.
It was here though that we were finally given the biggest logistical nightmare itself, the one shot itself! Supposedly the details were voted on by all their regular DM's and shared the same day as the session. It was only two pages long; one for statblocks and the other for the actual one-shot adventure information. I will briefly summarize this now now:

1. The party is wandering Westeros when they are suddenly attacked by a troop of Wildlings. When these Wildlings lose half their numbers the Wildlings will give out to the party for being reckless in the wasteland and how they need to work together.
   
2. The party will travel with the Wildlings and arrive at their camp. Most of the sheet was details of the magic items that could be bought.
   
3. The party heads from the camp with their dragon glass to kill the local whitewalker.
   

That was it.
In its entirety.
To reiterate; the Wildlings attacking were meant to be the same ones offering surrender once they were losing, the adventure hinged upon them being taken to their camp willingly, and finally the dragon glass was not for sale at their camp nor was there any mention of it or of a Whitewalker till they went to kill it. As well as all that this sheet was covered in basic grammar and spelling errors, as well as other questionable rules. In order to fix this and make it actually usable I immediately got on to two other DMs I was friends with to try and bang this outline out into something useable; this was somewhat complicated however as one had to call over the phone and couldn't hear properly over my other friend laughing manically upon reading the original sheet. Eventually though we managed to bang out a new statblock, as well as streamline the adventure to meet the same plot points but have a more coherent series of events.
We then got to the session itself which went rather perfectly actually. The changes worked and the players all had a great time overall, greatly enjoying the session. It was overall a huge success, Sam however was not happy upon hearing about some of these changes and after the session seemed irate that anyone would dare change a word they had written. I still think the changes were all for the better however, and simply declined any future invites to join the club for the remainder of my college experience.

Hi all
I (F35) went to a community college with a guy (M35). Let’s call him Adam. Adam had a problem with his body which meant sometimes he needed to use a wheelchair. He used this a lot during college. We never spoke during college. The only interaction we had was when I held a door open for him so he could pass. I did see him at my church a few times but we had no conversation. Flash forward, we follow each other on Instagram. He would respond to my stories on Instagram and I would engage in a brief conversation. Only once did we actually have a fully blown conversation(which lasted maybe 2 days) where he told me more about his condition and his job. Honestly I was just being polite. Then he would start sending me TikToks and Twitter DMs of memes (which I briefly engaged in a small conversation over). A few months later he asked if I wanted to grab dinner. I told him I have a boyfriend, he insuinated my boyfriend didn’t allow me to have male friends. This wasn’t true I just didn’t feel comfortable going out for dinner with him. A few months after that, he continued to send me tiktoks and Twitter DMs and then asked me if I wanted to get dinner again. I said I have a boyfriend (I didn’t this time round) but he still continued to send me memes over different platforms. I feel as though the one long conversation I had with him made him think I am interested but I honestly just felt bad for him because I know he didn’t have a lot friends in college and he felt a bit of an outcast. The above process has been repeated over 5 times within the last few years. I try to be polite about the situation and I had assumed he got the message when I’ve said no to every time he’s asked me to hang out/go for dinner but I’m not sure if he has.
I was speaking to a few friends and they told me to just block and remove him off everything. I didn’t know if this was the right thing to do. I find it all very awkward and I don’t believe I have led him on at all.
What do I do?

So to clarify 1 I am British so my terms my confuse people. 2. This happened in summer 2021 and also a heatwave. 3. names are changed for GDPR purposes.
I use to work in a care home for MJ a beautiful lady in her 30's with physical and learning disability also blind with fragile bones (which is important later). MJ a little petty and finds being naughty or cheeky hilarious.
We were out on a girly shopping trip for new wardrobe as MJ had drastically gained a lot of weight during over 18 months due to physio and hydro being cancelled due to covid and building work. Due to her needs her wheelchair is a little longer and bulkier than the average and her right leg support is straight out as she cant bend it . (also important for later), Also I have to explain what's going on every few minute so MJ knows what's going on and MJ doesn't always know if she's involved in conversations so this is also explained.
After a lovely brunch is a department store we headed down in lift. To resume the shopping. This is when the incident occurred. due to the size of her wheelchair she takes up a good portion of the lift so I have no room to move, can only wheel in and reverse out. As the lift lowered I could hear children approx. 5 -9 in age and guessing 4 in total. The doors took there sweet time to open.
When they did I quietly swore because the store had a massive redesign during the lock down and what was once a nice clear area around the lift was now a narrow area surrounded by a sofa and display stands leaving me a very tight turning space. I then realised the children I heard where using this narrow space to play It/tag and were not 4 was about 6 to 8.
I called out to them to Excuse me let us through please. No answer from children and no parent telling them to move . Children still running. MJ is already in giggles as she has worked out things are not going to the plan.
I am now aware that the lift doors will shut again soon so reverse out a little to make sure the safety sensors keep doors open. Also hoping this means the children's adult might notice me better and control the little chaos.
I hoped to much and they got louder so I got LOUDER. I shouted You need to move now your in my way. MJ is now in tears because she thinks I'm shouting at her and is asking why. So I whisper to her to not worry its just some naughty children blocking our way out and I might need to yell at them again and she calms down.
This is when the boy who I think was the oldest replied "where not taking up that much space just walk around us." So waved him closer and he came over I explained the problem. " You see these handles I'm holding on to" he nodded "this means its not just me I need space to turn MJ around, so please give us that space and sit on sofa". His reply "my mummy got through okay with my sister is our pram so you get your baby through too". MJ has decided to join in by singing, "I'm not a baby, your a baby, move naughty naughty baby" . I then spot the mummy and wave my arms in the biggest motions possible to get her attention. But apparently the lacy bra she has in her hand holds all her brain power.
So I shout again. "I'm going to count to 4 and if you kids are not out of my way that's your problem not mine anymore". 1, still kid chaos, 2 , 3, nothing 3 and a half, FOUR !. So I reverse in one quick motion. I'm amazed that I didn't hit walk in to anyone. I take a moment to asses the best route to go and yes the children are still running around. but I no longer care. So I choose go to the section on the left and to do that I have to turn slightly right step backwards line up the wheelchair then go foreword. And the smallest child chose that very moment to run out right in to MJ's right leg support. MJ starts laughing at me for being a bad driver think I hit a display with her leg. I whisper to her what's happened and she laughs more, shrugs and winks at me "oops you told them". Children run over to see there crying sibling and one runs off to tell mum about the mean lady. I check the little girl over (I'm first aid trained and she risked more harm to MJ then her) and went to shop. That's when mum finally appeared and yelled at me "Watch where your going, you Spazzie Retard you hit my kid."
So In the UK these are about the worst words you can use to describe a disabled person. I took the worlds biggest breath and willed my professional BS filter to sensor my inner rage. But MJ had my back. " I can't watch where I'm going I'm blind and she had to parent your kids because you were too busy, she meant to help me shop not babysit kids , good bye B\*ch". I smiled sweetly trying not to laugh and we left her shouting about court . A staff member came over to see if we okay and I explained the situation and they go kicked out of the store of endangering customers.*
After reporting this story to the manager she laughed (unofficially told me served the woman right) and told me to record it for policy just in case she memorised the logo on my badge .But I did not get into trouble. No one was harmed apart from a possible bruise on the child's leg.

🪞
Welcome back to the Asylum write-up, where we explore the decade-long slow-motion car crash that is the Emilie Autumn fandom.
Sorry this installment took so long to upload! Just a heads-up, I may take some time to deliver the last one too – these posts take forever to format on Reddit's finicky-ass editor, and my dumb real life is currently keeping me from precious Internet time. Thank you for your patience! You have my word that everyone who pre-ordered the final installment will receive a PERSONAL, HANDWRITTEN letter autographed and illustrated by me, a list of the snacks I consumed while composing this write-up, some exclusive behind-the-scenes secrets, and a pony.
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4.1 – Part 4.2 Part 5

Places, everyone This is a test Throw your stones Do your damage Your worst, and your best (...) And if I had a dollar For every time I repented the sin And commit the same crime I'd be sitting on top of the world today (“God Help Me”, 2006🎵)

Quick recap of where we left off. First, there were five to ten halcyon years of pleasant and meaningful interactions between EA and her blossoming fanbase, prominently by way of her official forum. Then, circa 2009-2010, EA's online presence shifted towards sudden anger outbursts, ban-hammering, and an increasingly top-down communication style.
This created a sort of primordial rift within the fanbase, between those who supported EA's right to speak her mind and regulate her own fan spaces however she pleased – and those who thought that her reactions were rude and inappropriate (at best), and that even fan spaces should allow for reasonable, non-abusive criticism of the artist.
Between a poorly-handled book release (see Part 3), the controversial (Part 2) or dubiously true (Part 4) contents of said book, and serious shade from various former collaborators (Part 5), more and more fans had pressing thoughts about EA's work ethic and choices. EA attempted damage control through drastic forum rules that made it virtually impossible to voice any “serious” critical opinion. It didn't work, of course: instead of squashing the mutiny, she created a schism.
Critical fans and active haters started congregating on unofficial platforms.

“WITH MUFFINS LIKE THIS, WHO NEEDS ENEMIES?”: TROLL LIKE A GIRL

So here we were, the early 2010s. The official forum (which had about 700 members in 2006, if you recall) was now thousands-strong, reaching just over 12,000 registered users in 2012 – not all of them active, but still. In terms of sheer numbers and content creation, the party was POPPIN'... but increasingly in parts of the Asylum that escaped EA's jurisdiction, such as Tumblr, where they could speak their mind freely.

You play the victim very well You've built your self-indulgent hell You wanted someone to understand you Well, be careful what you wish for, because I do (“I Know Where You Sleep”, 2006🎵)

In one wing of Asylum Tumblr, a smattering of call-out blogs emerged, which laid out EA's various lies, faux pas, shitty takes, and general deep-seated terribleness in detailed timelines and screenshots (or, short of that, long-winded bullet points). While many such blogs framed it as “serious” whistleblowing and did their best to remain as fact-based and neutral as they could, there was some genuine disgust, animosity and creepiness towards EA on that side of Tumblr; for some ex-fans, “exposing the truth” was mostly justify obsessive hatred, prying and verbal abuse. Some, for instance, felt the bizarre need to side with EA's mother in their estrangement. (One user, with the URL “emilyautumnfischkopf”, argued in a serious and down-to-earth tone - but with zero sources - that EA's upbringing had been nothing but peaceful and supportive until she ungratefully kicked her loving family to the curb for no reason at all. They were later revealed 🔍 to have an alternate handle as “eaisalyingcunt”.)
Either way, through these blogs, a number of potential drama bombs that had mostly flown under the radar were dredged up from over the years – some of which were hard to ignore, even for supportive fans. Where to begin?
There was that nonsense in-joke song, captured twice on camera during the 2009 tour (to very little outrage, at the time), crassly called “Manatee Retard”📺. Or EA's scathing response, in print, to a wheelchair user who found it insensitive that she used a bedazzled wheelchair as a prop to do sexy acrobatics on stage. (“Your offence taken at my hard-won self-acceptance proves that I indeed have something to fight against”, she wrote). Spoken word tracks where she made trivializing knock-knock jokes about serious mental illnesses she didn't have, like schizophrenia and OCD. Multiple instances of calling Britney Spears a “bimbo” and a “Hollywood fucked-up”, resentfully claiming that she only shaved her head because she was “hopped up on drugs” and certainly not because she was “bipolar”, a word the press liked to wield as an insult anyway. (“That's almost like calling someone a retard!” Yeah, heaven forbid.) The meanest, most distasteful paragraphs in the book. Basically everything problematic EA had ever said or written.📝 In retrospect, it had been a long time coming, but it was a lot to take in – and certainly more off-putting, even to less emotionally invested fans, than silly lies about her age and last name.
In another wing of Asylum Tumblr, some fans had had it up to here and just wanted to have fun. 🎵 If Plague Rats had learned one valuable lesson from EA, it was how to crack a joke in the face of absurd tragedy – and the general state of the EA fandom certainly warranted a few.
In 2012, Fight Like a Girl was released. After six long years, three of which had been peaceful, the Opheliac era was officially over. The new album and ensuing tour confirmed that the Asylum had entered a process of glamorous Broadway-style militarization. 🎵📺
The mood board was “Roman general meets Vegas showgirl meets Victorian street urchin”.🪞 The color palette was, to naysayers, “musty pink and rotten, stale piss yellow”. 🐀 The keyword was “REVENGE” (through the power of... self-expression! sorority! brutal assault with rusty medical implements!). The chorus of the title song had an intriguing run-on line about getting “revenge on the world, or at least 49% of the people in it” 🎵 – which seemed like an awful lot, and was widely interpreted (to cheers, boos, or uncomfortable sighs) as a misandrist jab at literally all men on Earth.
The show was essentially a demo version of the musical, in that the setlist vaguely reflected the order of events in the story – but prior reading was essential in order to get what the hell was going on on stage. This one Broadway reviewer had not perused the literature before seeing the show 🔍, and hated: the set, the choreography, the skits, the plot, the lyrics, the music, the concept. (Seriously, you should read the review. It's not even my show and I feel like quitting show business.)
Pre-show VIP encounters, now violin-free, were lorded over by EA's new manager🐀, whose official title was “Asylum Headmistress”. (Interesting choice – she sounds fun!) The swag bags were less substantial than before, and the “greet” part of the meet-and-greet was rarely more than a quick hug and photo op.
On Twitter, EA continued to embrace her “I am very badass” fronting attitude...

Often wonder if cyberbullies r aware they’re fucking w/ a girl who’s BFs w/ maker of the SAW films & is marrying a knife-throwing scorpion. (🐀📝)

...and her taste for needlessly inflammatory statements. About an aisle sign in a supermarket:

If this does not infuriate you, then you're a fucking potato.

(Again with the confounding crypto-ableism, EA! 🔍) She also went through a phase of raging against Lady Gaga 📝, who had stolen her idea of using a wheelchair on stage as an able-bodied woman. 🔍 That failed to convince anyone that she wasn't the histrionic diva that haters made her out to be.
Spurred on by EA's rallying cries and “us vs them” mentality, loyalists turned the white-knighting up to 11. On Twitter, some Plague Rats got into cat fights with Lady Gaga's Little Monsters (what a time to be alive). Others tried to balance out the Tumblr negativity with initiatives like “Spreading a Plague of Love” – a “positive-only” confession blog, whose extreme fangirling, comically drastic rules and hyper-defensive tone📝 did not debunk the increasingly popular notion that “true Plague Rats” were a bunch of authoritarian and hopelessly brainwashed fanatics.
EA truthers and other anti-fans started lashing out at anyone who dared express any positive opinion of EA, solidifying claims that the backlash against EA was just a conspiracy of bitter, hysterical bullies.
All this to say: every passing day brought new reasons for fans to get mad at EA and each other, and everyone in the Asylum was in need of a laugh. It's not easy having a good time.🦠
Leading up to Fight Like a Girl and in the years that followed, user-submission-based meme blogs took off, most notably “Spreading a Plague of Lulz / Troll Like a Girl”. A lot of the early submissions were absurdist humor and toothless, cheezburger-Impact memes (a style that was, oddly, already dated at the time). Those often originated in good fun, and from loyal fans, on the official forum. But there was also true snark, satirizing EA's questionable ethics, outrageous claims, and easily spoofed artistic gimmicks. A new slang of Asylumspeak emerged: Glittertits (slight NSFW), GAGA!!, EA Gusta and all its memeface variants, Get outta mah house!, Are You Suffering?, Fight Like A Goat, [Random celebrity] copied EA (a subgenre in its own right), ...
Most of the “trolling” was directed at unrepentant bootlickers and, to a lesser extent, red-in-the-face haters and creeps. Meme blogs would post joke comments under “serious” or gushing submissions on Wayward Victorian Confessions, and taunt loyalist accounts by tagging them in their posts. When a few people complained on WVC that almost all of the Bloody Crumpets to date had been thin white able-bodied women, and a few fans responded by sharing their dream-casts for a more diverse line-up, the blog was flooded for days with confessions that “X should be a Crumpet” (candidates included RuPaul, Mitt Romney, Nicki Minaj, EA's therapist, and the WVC admins). Farcical shenanigans like that.
Ah, but some people will always cross the line, won't they. EA threads popped up on merciless, bully-friendly snark platforms like Lolcow, Pretty Ugly Little Liar, and Encyclopedia Dramatica. Snarkers with a mean streak and obsessive haters mingled in some of the more aggressive, 4-chan-spirited retaliation against EA – which would be called “brigading” in modern parlance. This included flooding EA's Goodreads page with one-star reviews (see part 4), repeatedly editing her Wikipedia page to include her legal name and birth year, and ensuring that Googling said name would bring up current pictures of her.
All of this compounded agitation fragmented the once-united fandom beyond recognition.🦠 Through substantial disagreements among fans, personal bickerings, layers upon layers of inscrutable in-jokes, and cross-platform telephone games, the Asylum morphed into a booby-trapped Escher room.
Satire blogs were taken in earnest. Earnest fan blogs scanned as satire. Memes would get called out as abuse. Appreciation without attached criticism would get mocked as bootlicking. Obvious jokes made by EA would be taken at face value. One divisive confession could trigger days and days of debate, to the point that WVC eventually banned confessions in response to other confessions. New waves of infighting created a confusing web of rival sub-factions🐀, each accusing the others of being toxic, cliquish, and delusional.
The shared fantasy was broken, the collective vision had crumbled, no onez was speaking the same language anymore. Fans would jump down the throat of other fans who held almost identical views about EA, except for that one thing she said or did that one time. Everyone had differing thoughts on what should or shouldn't acceptable to discuss, question, excuse, make fun of.
War is hell.

SCORCHED EARTH SHENANIGANS: HONEY, I SHRUNK THE ASYLUM

Would you tear my castle down Stone by stone And let the wind run through my windows Till there was nothing left But a battered rose? (“Castle Down”, 2003🎵)

Haters vs sycophants is not really the kind of conflict where one side can come out on top (if you're participating, you've already lost). But in the long tug-of-war between “grassroots” and “EA-sponsored” fan spaces, the ultimate winner is obvious – in that the former is gasping in agony, a shriveled husk of its former glory, while the latter... is non-existent. This is due in no small part to EA's tendency, like the Czars of old, to settle conflicts by setting Moscow on fire.🔍)
That's not entirely fair: unlike EA, the czar only did it that once.
By early 2013, as EA was gearing up for her third Fight Like a Girl tour at the end of the year, the official forum was... not as lively as it once had been. Not just because of the stifling rules and disgruntlement towards EA, or because EA herself hadn't really posted anything on there in years; the Internet was also changing, and forums in general were fast becoming passé.
This made it difficult for EA to create a safe space where she could talk to fans, and fans could talk to and about her, in a way she deemed suitable (ie, a space she could gate-keep and regulate enough to keep it completely free from negative criticism). Social media was a minefield; she still posted regularly, but didn't interact very much. So EA and the Headmistress came up with a way to filter out the unbelievers: an official fan club📝, aptly called the “Asylum Army”, with a $100 entry price.
Joining the AA came with a dog tag, a sew-on patch, and a lifetime membership certificate signed by EA and – for some reason – the Headmistress. (Unlike EA's best friend and sound engineer back in the forum's heyday, I don't think fans ever really embraced the FLAG-era manager as part of the Asylum in-group. She came across more as a coordinator / businessperson / adult chaperone, at best.🐀) So, slightly better goodies than you'd get by joining the other AA 🔍 ... but not by much. The main appeal was that members would have access to exclusive content, special merch, giveaways, early bird tickets for future shows, and regular video chats with EA.
The concept itself drew a fair amount of criticism, as you can imagine. Between the name🐀, the price, and the inherent gatekeeping of a pay-to-join fanclub, many balked at the monetizing of a concept that had once (like, three years back) been significantly more DIY, grassroots, and inclusive. 📝🐀
Then again, many also longed for a positive, drama-free space where fans could just be fans. And while the creation of the AA was generally recognized as a quick cashgrab, a lot of people were surprisingly cool with it. EA was trying to finance her dream musical, after all – although a number of fans wished she had gone about raising funds in a less sketchy way.
So around 400 fans shelled out (which, according to the Headmistress📝, “basically cover[ed] the cost of running the fanclub itself – keeping the database up, website, etc.”). Enough for a close-knit, but sizable community. But already, there was a conflict of interest: a high fanclub entry fee essentially demands that you pledge loyalty to the artist over loyalty to your fellow fans, who wish to join but can't afford to. Sharing, caring, and ensuring no one felt left out were some of the more positive values cultivated in the fandom... but leaking exclusive content would surely piss off other paying members🐀, and make EA feel betrayed all over again. (And she had barely just started to mellow out on social media!)
...But then again, this is the internet. After the first month of secret AA drops (lyric sheets, some photoshoot outtakes – nothing too juicy, really), there were, yes, some leaks. EA was predictably miffed, and retaliated by... ghosting the fanclub for weeks at a time in its first few months of existence (great look!). She eventually found the “solution” to her problem, by providing something you couldn't right-click-save (and which had been part of the promised perks to begin with): live interaction.
Over webcam, she was her usual in-person bubbly, charming, funny self. Everyone seemingly had a good time during the fanclub video chat, and this gave people faith and hope.
There were a few more events, giveaways, etc. As promised, ahead of the fall 2013 tour (the last one to date, it would turn out), AA members got priority access to show tickets and VIP bundles. The latter were much pricier than before, and only included soundcheck, a photo-op, and three goodies: a tin of loose-leaf tea, a signed printer-paper setlist, and a small flag that said “F.L.A.G.”.🔍 Some stuff continued to leak – but, as some of the outlaws pointed out (scroll down to the Disqus comments), they were mostly relaying information that was relevant to the entire fanbase, such as updates about ongoing projects (the dragged-out recording of the audiobook, for one).
In early 2014, lifetime memberships were closed, and replaced with monthly, quarterly and yearly subscription tiers. Bizarrely, you ended up paying $3 more per month if you bought a $99 yearly subscription📝 – but it did include the patch, dog tag, and piece of paper!

Sometimes I kind of want to be part of the cool kids and register to the Asylum Army. Then I remember how it came about, what you could get for the same price a couple years ago, how the whole thing was and is handled, and that I won’t support any of this bullshit. (And then I roll around naked in all the money I’m saving.) (🐀)

Still, a number of fans rejoiced at the affordable monthly option, and joined – if not for the exclusive content and merch (which were... okay, but not much to write home about), then for the friendly, drama-free exchanges with an artist they actually did love, in spite of all the frustration.
For the still-too-poor or still-undecided, there was always the forum! It wasn't as active as it used to be, but a few die-hards still managed to keep the lights on... until, inevitably, Someone Did Something and Ruined Everything. (Once again: EA's wrath is spectacular, but rarely completely unprovoked.) The incident features one notable figure in the Asylum community. Let's call him the Collector.
OK, so maybe you remember the meme I linked to in Part 4, with Christian Grey and the ginormous EA hoard. Well, that's the Collector's collection. The “Violin” promo that I called the "Holy Grail of the fandom" in the same paragraph? Also his. The handwritten lyrics that went for $940? Guess who won that auction. Over the years, the Collector had probably spent five figures on EA merch and shows, and although that fact was a little unsettling, he was a very active, easy-going, and generally well-liked fixture of the fandom.
One day in 2012, shortly after the Headmistress had replaced EA's old Chicago BFF as main forum admin, the Collector's account got banned or restricted over something dumb. When the ban wasn't lifted as quickly as he hoped, he took it... the way one takes things when one is unhealthily invested: he started spamming Headmistress and the mod team with increasingly rambling and abusive emails (lost to time, probably for the best). When that didn't work quickly enough, he tried a different route.
One of the many auctions that the Collector had won, some years prior, was EA's old iPod Touch📝 – which contained all of her favorite tunes and, buried somewhere in the data cache... a phone number. Which the Collector tried calling. And wouldn't you know it: EA picked up. She congratulated him on his sleuthing skills, listened patiently as he made his case, apologized for any distress caused by the unfair account restriction, and then they got married.
Kidding! She freaked the fuck out, hung up, and banned him for life from the forum and all EA shows and events.
After his ban, the Collector allegedly still tried to attend at least one VIP pre-show (one source in the comments says he was allowed to buy some merch, refunded for his ticket, and escorted out). He joined the Reform forum to bitch about EA and try to rally people to his cause, possibly made revenge posts about her on darker snark forums, and continued to hound the Asylum mod team. So in June 2014, EA came up with a radical and unexpected fix to the Collector problem.

The official Asylum Fan Forum has been shut down permanently. I have personally paid thousands of dollars each year to keep the forum safe and secure for you ... Unfortunately, the forum has not been kept safe and secure for me, a truth which disappoints me greatly, instead becoming a place where people who have physically threatened myself and my staff prey upon forum members, pressuring them to contact me and my staff on their behalf. If the gullible wish to humor my stalkers (who live in their parent’s basement at age 30 something) and thus put me in danger, they may do it on their own dime. They may also fuck off, because stupidity can kill, and I won’t be your victim. To those who enjoyed the forum, you know who to thank for its closure. (“On the closing of the Asylum Forum”)

Voilà! This is how a decade-long archive of shared history ends: not with a bang, but with a dirty delete and a sod-off communiqué.
The obliteration of the forum took everyone by surprise...

I was actually on the forum when it was taken down. I was navigating between posts and when I went to click on a different board, an error message came up. I honestly cried a little, I'm not ashamed to say. (WVC admin on Reddit, 2024)

...and I do mean everyone:

Chicago BFF / ex-admin, the next morning: Whoa, EA forum shut down? Ex-mod: It turns out that if someone spends enough years actively “waging war” to destroy what they can’t have, eventually they’ll be successful. * eye roll * Not even mods got prior warning. Just all the sudden, poof, gone. BFF: Really? She did not let the moderators know?! This is sounding worse and worse. Uggh. I’m so sorry. Such a loss. (...) Ok, threats are serious, but why not just put it in archive mode so no one can post? (...) Sad. I shall light a candle in the forum's honor. (Facebook posts; scroll down for screenshots)

It was a gut punch, especially for people who had poured countless hours into the community, or could have used some prior warning to save years of their own writing from the role-playing threads. One last chance to take a look around the place that had meant so much to so many.

From the wording of the announcement of closing the forum and a number of other things, it sometimes seems like EA doesn't like her fans much. :/ (🐀)

Three months after the forum was nuked, Battered Rose (a venerable EA fansite, which had been around since the Enchant era and had one of the most complete EA galleries online) announced that it was shutting down too.📝 The admin, who had also been a long-time forum mod, cited a lack of “time, energy, passion, or money” to keep the website going... and being upset at the sudden disappearance of the forum. It was, truly, the end of an era for the Asylum.
...Well, no point in living in the past. For those who could afford it, and still wanted to talk to/about EA after that (not everyone did 🐀), there was always the Asylum Army fanclub!
Over the summer of 2014, EA held regular live chats and Q&A's, and... many attendees really enjoyed them, and thought the AA was well worth the money after all. She also quietly parted ways with the much poo-pooed Headmistress around that time.

Just spent over 4 hours giggling, drinking tea and playing guessing games in chat with EA and other Asylum Army members ... No griping, no downers, just lots of fun. I think I like the way the ‘new fandom’ is going and now I’m really glad I finally decided to join the Army. (September 4, 2014🐀; Battered Rose had closed the day before)

The forum was lost forever, but perhaps that was a chance for a fresh start. Could this fanclub thing really be the Asylum Renaissance that fans had been longing for?

...I have come today to a very difficult but necessary decision, and that is to discontinue the Emilie Autumn Official Fanclub. The site itself, and the community chatroom, will remain open to you indefinitely, but I will no longer be making updates to the site. (Newsletter, September 8, 2014📝)

...Never mind, then.
Turns out the fanclub had been the Headmistress' idea all along. EA had been reluctant from the start, and although she really enjoyed the live chats with a safe community of people “who are there for the right reasons”, she couldn't overcome her fundamental discomfort with the concept. Lifetime and regular members would receive a bunch of digital downloads and a -35% coupon on the Asylum Emporium for their troubles. EA said she would definitely pop back once in a while for live chats, for free, just for fun, but to my knowledge, she never did.
And so the most devoted fans were left standing in the rain...

She is happy, she made it. She is fulfilling her dreams, found love and happiness after all the pain. I understand that she now doesn’t need “us” anymore ... That doesn’t change the fact she broke my heart with taking the Asylum Army and the forum from me. Yet, I am happy for her. (🐀)

...while naysayers pointed and laughed, Nelson-style.🦠

I don’t feel sorry at all for the people that paid for the Asylum Army fan club. Most of them knew that EA is an atrocious business woman and has broken many promises before. In fact, I laugh at them. They seriously thought that EA would actually stay consistent with this? (🐀)

EVERYTHING MUST GO: THE ASYLUM WHOLESALE

EA fans were left without an “official” home for about three years. This gave them plenty of time to be annoyed at EA for: not releasing the audiobook on time, not materializing any new project for a while... and the new sin of peddling random, ridiculously marked-up AliBaba jewelry as “merch” on her official store. Think faux-antique cameo pendants and $30 Big Ben rings (...because the Asylum story is set in London, get it?).

The whole accessories section looks like a tacky overpriced English souvenir shop. (🐀)

The fanbase lost a lost of steam in those in-between years, because there wasn't much to stick around for. As evidenced by the positive reception of the AA live chats, even in the midst of unresolved drama, out-loud interactions in a friendly environment have always been EA's saving grace. Considering the amount of online hate, there are shockingly few accounts of bad IRL encounters with EA: most people say that in live conversation, she comes across as a fun, warm, and genuinely sweet person. Some report that their negative opinion shifted after meeting her.
But there were no chats or live shows anymore. There was only social media, where she ignored questions and vague-posted about overdue projects – and the newsletter📝, which was all saccharine love-bombing to promote bland dropshipped trinkets. For fans who remembered the handcrafted merch (and two-way communication) of the early years, it was a bitter pill to swallow.

CONTINUED IN COMMENTS

​

This thread is about to be very long, and I will be adding to it frequently, but this is how I would write season 3 of Euphoria since Sam is obviously preoccupied with god knows what. This came to me in a dream so call it fate ig.
Background- since season 2 ends with the card that Rue stayed sober through the rest of junior year, and Lexi’s play takes place in the spring, I thought it’d be best to pick up on the first day of their senior year in the fall. This means that Cassie, Maddie, and Nate have all graduated, leaving us with Rue, Jules, Lexi, Elliot, Bobbi, Ethan, BB & Kat. Also Gia, the Parents, and Ali. Anyways here goes.
Episode 1- I Stayed Sober (Mostly)
[Scene 1]: The Last First Day Episode One opens with a black screen that has flashes of red and blue, like police sirens, that increasingly become more intense and vibrant, to indicate Rue coming out of a dissociative state. She narrates over the screen:
“You want to know the worst part about staying sober? It’s not the withdrawals or the cravings, even though they’re pretty fucking bad. It’s not even the depression or the emptiness you feel without your poisonous security blanket protecting you from your worst thoughts and emotions. The worst part about staying sober, is that you’re trapped back in the fucked up world that made you want to do drugs in the first place”
The red and blue screen shifts to police sirens with cops yelling in an attempt to evacuate everyone from the school. It’s raining and the sky is gray and muddy. All the students are now wearing muted uniforms in the school colors, blue black and white (the uniforms are explained later) The scene looks very muted and drained. As the students flood out of the school in a frenzy, we see Rue and Lexi standing at the exit, uninterested in the theatrics and significantly changed from last season.
Rue has a brighter disposition to herself, appearing more soft and bright, while keeping her moody demeanor. Her look shows that she is trying her best to be more optimistic, despite going through hell from her plethora of mental illness that have now taken over due to her sobriety. Still, she looks healthier and brighter.
Lexi, on the other hand, has a more goth like appearance. In addition to her new dark black hair with red colored streaks (red to signify her stepping into her power) she also looks less approachable with more gothic motifs such as skulls and roses on her increased accessories. We learn later that this is an attempt to reinvent herself after last year’s play incident and fez dying. She seems uninterested and annoyed, but has a more confident air after being put in the spotlight and no longer having to live under her sisters shadow. She has become more monotone, speaking her mind and embracing her realistic perspective of life.
They begin walking to the parking lot, looking for Lexi’s mom among the waves of chaotic students pushing past them.
Rue: Of course, just our fucking luck that someone decides to shoot up the school our first day of senior year.
Lexi: It wasn’t even a real shooting. I heard some kid brought a gun to show off and got tackled by his teacher. Everyone started freaking out, and now I’m missing the first day of my AP English class.
Rue: Not like you need it. I think you proved that you can write a good story that makes waves and changes lives (sarcasm)
Lexi: 😐 that’s not funny Rue. That play is all anyone could talk about all summer. Everyone hates me because they think it’s my fault that we all have to wear these stupid uniforms.
Rue: actually that was Cassie’s fault, that fight got a new edit every week. My favorite was the #mollywhop dance (starts doing a dance that is significant of Maddie slapping Cassie and Cassie riding a carousel)
Lexi: Rue I’m serious. I got so sick of living in the background that I put my entire life on display in front of all of East Highland just for my sister to make everything about her.
Rue: Well good writing is supposed to be controversial. And take it as a victory, at least you’re not a nobody anymore.
Random Guy: Hey Lexi, I got a horse you can ride (does the dance)
Cop: Keep it moving sir!
They get to the end of the parking lot and sit on the pavement.
Lexi: 🙄of course she’s late.
Rue: hey, it’s a new year. You’re no longer the girl whose sister was the hottest cheerleader in school and I’m no longer the resident drug addict that everyone is waiting to die.
Lexi: you’re right. That’s Elliot. Or Jules. Have you checked on either of them since his overdose?
Rue: no…fuck them both. They seem happy in their stupid relationship with their stupid anniversary posts. I had to block them both before I killed myself or worse. They can die for all I care.
Lexi: well he almost did. I heard he had a stroke and is in a wheelchair until he learns how to walk again.
Rue: trying to hide that she’s concerned really?…i mean i don’t care, but that’s what he deserves right? Can’t do drugs that carelessly without consequences. Ask me how I know.
Lexi: I don’t think anyone deserves to OD. I hope he gets some help.
Rue: he has help, that bitch is playing housewife which she probably loves. Attention seeking whore. You know I’m sick of talking about Jules and Elliot and Cassie and every other narcissist with a victim complex that keeps trying to make themselves the main character. pulls her closer with a shoulder hug this year it’s about us. Starting over and getting a chance to finally make it out of this stupid town. You have colleges lined up at the door and I’ve been sober for almost a year. No one is going to take this year from us. That why you blocked Cassie, and that’s why I had any memory of Jules permanently erased from my brain. Out of sight out of mind.
Lexi: I guess you’re right. New year, new us.
Rue: alright. Now call your mom so we can get out of the rain. I hate cops more than I hate being fully clothed and wet.
Lexi: (finally smiling) almost as much as they hate you
Rue: hey fuck you, I still have to go to court for that.
Lexi: too soon? 🤭
Rue: just dial the fucking phone
Rue [vo while it shows Suze driving up and the girls walking across the parking lot]: Despite how terrible last year was, I feel like Lexi and I finally got back to how things used to be. Before the drugs, before the funerals. Just Rue and Lexi like it’s always been. Sometimes I forget how great life was when I was just a kid. But drugs tend to take away everything that makes life, life. I just wish Fezco had stayed alive long enough to finally see me sober. Then maybe Lexi wouldn’t be so serious and emo these days. But she took care of me, and now it’s my turn. I just don’t know what’s worse, losing the love of your life before you get a chance to say it love you (shot of Lexi rubbing a cross chain fez gave her looking at the sky before getting in the car) or thinking you found the love of your life just to end up as strangers. (As Rue opens the door to get in, she sees Jules wheeling Elliot across the parking lot. She stares for a bit before getting in the car.) Either way, we all died. (Rue gets in the car before Jules can see her.)
Jules looks over at the car but doesn’t see anyone. She looks distraught, hoping to catch a glimpse of Rue, who she hasn’t seen since the play. She’s dressed in a mostly black school girl uniform with a short skirt and corset that she’s clad in neon accessories and coquettish garters and bows. Her hair is longer than in season 2 but shorter than season 1. This is to signify that she’s embracing her femininity more with Elliot, but is stepping into a more powerful, dominant version of femininity. She’s content with her relationship, and rebuilding herself after the abuse she endured in relationship with rue. Now she’s just worried about repeating the same story with Elliot. She looks off into the distance, paused in a state of reflection.
Elliot: babe are you good? Jules: what? Yea just thought I saw something. (Continues wheeling him across the parking lot) Elliot: It was probably a ghost. HEY CASPER, LOOK BUT DONT TOUCH HOMIE Jules: (laughing) you’re so unserious Elliot: what do you mean? I’m serious. I don’t want his ectoplasm fucking up your makeup. Jules: You’re the one who keeps fucking up my makeup Elliot: and I’ll do it again kisses her winces ow fuck Jules: relax dude. You know the doctor said you can’t stretch your spine much after your stroke. Elliot: and you know I told that doctor nothing can kill me and I’m basically a god Jules: even when you’re sick you’re still crazy Elliot: crazy for you Jules: yea yea, just be happy it was a stroke and not a death sentence. whispers in his you know if you would’ve died I would have to kill you. Elliot: besides the fact that that makes zero sense, you know it wasn’t my fault Jules: I’m just glad that Laurie lady got put behind bars. Who the fuck puts fentanyl in Weed? Elliot: a plug who can’t find enough junkies to buy their fentanyl. That’s why I always sniff my weed before I smoke it. Jules: and that sniff put you in a wheelchair, so who’s god now? Elliot: mmmm, still me. I live close enough to the school that I don’t have to pay for a van, and I have a hot chick with a huge dick as a nurse. Not to mention loads of settlement money from suing the biggest plug in our area and a med card with all the unlaced weed I can smoke. I’m up as fuck. Jules: or too high to be traumatized Elliot: And (dances her around his chair like a waltz until she falls in his lap) my dick still works. Jules: nice try Romeo, but your ego is showing (zips up his pants and continues pushing) Elliot: fuck, has it been like that all day? That’s embarrassing Jules: no more embarrassing than the whole school thinking you’re in a wheelchair because you couldn’t hold your oxys Elliot: it was Percs actually, thank you very much. And fuck what those bots think, I’ve been sober since that intervention. I guess you can say Rue knocked some sense into Me. Jules: (avoiding the topic of rue) did you see the comments on our last post, they called us percinstein and the coke bride Elliot: damn I guess they did know it was Percs (Now on his front porch)
Jules: (standing in front of him looking in his eyes with sentiment ) Elliot I’m serious. I’ve been the topic of conversation ever since I moved to this fucking town. I just want to have a normal year for once in my complicated life. Elliot: babe listen it’s high school. Everything is the topic of conversation and no one is normal. People talk shit because they’re bored and have no personality or sense of self outside of the useless drama they can create in their minds. But you have a life, and a future. You have an amazing, sober boyfriend who loves you and a portfolio that can get you into any art school in the world. You’re at the last step before your real life begins. I’m just happy that I have the privilege to watch. And you know I like to watch. Jules: you’re a lunatic. Elliot: I love you. Jules: I love you too. kiss
Elliot: Are you sure you can’t stay tonight Jules: I wish, but my dad is serious about making sure I get into the best school, which means spending hours look at boring virtual tours and applying early admission. Elliot: ok well I’ll be here figuring out how to pee without standing up Jules: how do our conversations always center back to your dick Elliot: I can’t talk about anything else, it’s too hard Jules: wow, you sound like my dad and I’m turned off [starts walking away] Elliot: it’s not me it’s the weed. now you make sure you make it home safe. There’s a shooter on the loose. Jules: [grabbing her bike] the gun wasn’t even loaded. besides, getting shot would not be the worst thing to happen to me. Elliot: you’re American. It always gets worse. Jules: [riding off] that’s depressing Elliot: text me when you’re home Jules: [almost gone] you have my location! Elliot: [to himself] and I still never know where you are

Me: https://imgur.com/a/GuFIlRV
Hey there! I'm Dean, a 32-year-old guy hailing from Michigan. I'm trying the Reddit world once again in hopes of finding someone special to share some great moments with.
About me: I'm a big gamer, with a soft spot for Pokémon. Playing it brings me closer to my nieces, and I've been diving into the Pokémon world more and more lately. When I'm not catching 'em all, you'll find me cheering on my favorite sports teams – the Red Wings and the Tigers. Hockey and baseball are my jams.
Now, about the elephant in the room – I use a wheelchair in my daily life. But don't let that fool you – I'm pretty independent and open to any questions you might have about it.
Ultimately, I'm here with an open heart, looking for someone to connect with. Whether it's starting with a casual conversation or diving straight into the dating pool, I'm ready for whatever comes my way.
If you're someone who's down-to-earth, loves a good game night, and wouldn't mind sharing some sports banter, then I'd love to hear from you. Let's see where this journey takes us!
Drop me a message, and let's get chatting!

Hi! For context - my grandpa is 92 and lives at home in a small house. He is very fortunate to have full time caregivers take care of him at home. He’s very pleasant, calm, and always in good spirits.
Recently, he has started using a hospital bed and is no longer able to stand or walk. However, insurance provided a Hoyer lift and we rented him a nice wheelchair that fits him comfortably and is very easy to push and use. He’s also been assessed for dementia, however it’s at a moderate stage, so he is mostly confused and quiet, but still knows who we are and will engage in short conversations.
His caregivers were trained on how to use the lift and were instructed that he gets into his wheelchair for all of his meals. Staying in bed all day will give him bed sores, and he needs to be upright for his eating.
However, they are not doing it. Each time I have talked to them, they say something like “oh he just wants to sleep so we don’t get him out” and his wheelchair is always folded and disassembled in the corner in the same sport when I come over.
Even more disturbingly, today I went over and he was grasping the edges of his bed asking to get out. His caregiver told him he had to stay in bed. I said no, he wants to get out! We used the Hoyer (worked great and was very easy), got him in the wheelchair, and I took him for a nice walk. However, when bringing him back inside, his caregiver started to pull him up the ramp the wrong way, and he almost slipped out of his wheelchair facing forward. I’m a special education teacher and the first thing we learn wheelchairs always go forwards up a ramp and backwards down a ramp. He was also shoving and pulling him around when positioning him and it was so unsettling and was definitely not correct lifting protocols.
I know we are very privileged that he has these home health caregivers, and they are very kind and they do care about him a lot. I’m also aware that it’s not the most desirable job so the workers aren’t going to be perfect. But I am wondering if anyone has any advice on how to 1.) ensure they are getting him out of his chair daily and 2.) ensure they are using the equipment properly. He is so fortunate to have all of this equipment, so he should be using it! And he’s so fortunate to have 1:1 caregivers, so they should be able to follow the routine and help him be active. He is still his own person with autonomy.
I visit him multiple times a week but I can’t check in as often as I’d like. My only idea was to make a schedule and list of reminders and post it on the wall so they see it. But just wondering if anyone has other ideas or dealt with anything similar. Thanks!

Hi! For context - my grandpa is 92 and lives at home in a small house. He is very fortunate to have full time caregivers take care of him at home. He’s very pleasant, calm, and always in good spirits.
Recently, he has started using a hospital bed and is no longer able to stand or walk. However, insurance provided a Hoyer lift and we rented him a nice wheelchair that fits him comfortably and is very easy to push and use. He’s also been assessed for dementia, however it’s at a moderate stage, so he is mostly confused and quiet, but still knows who we are and will engage in short conversations.
His caregivers were trained on how to use the lift and were instructed that he gets into his wheelchair for all of his meals. Staying in bed all day will give him bed sores, and he needs to be upright for his eating.
However, they are not doing it. Each time I have talked to them, they say something like “oh he just wants to sleep so we don’t get him out” and his wheelchair is always folded and disassembled in the corner in the same sport when I come over.
Even more disturbingly, today I went over and he was grasping the edges of his bed asking to get out. His caregiver told him he had to stay in bed. I said no, he wants to get out! We used the Hoyer (worked great and was very easy), got him in the wheelchair, and I took him for a nice walk. However, when bringing him back inside, his caregiver started to pull him up the ramp the wrong way, and he almost slipped out of his wheelchair facing forward. I’m a special education teacher and the first thing we learn wheelchairs always go forwards up a ramp and backwards down a ramp. He was also shoving and pulling him around when positioning him and it was so unsettling and was definitely not correct lifting protocols.
I know we are very privileged that he has these home health caregivers, and they are very kind and they do care about him a lot. I’m also aware that it’s not the most desirable job so the workers aren’t going to be perfect. But I am wondering if anyone has any advice on how to 1.) ensure they are getting him out of his chair daily and 2.) ensure they are using the equipment properly. He is so fortunate to have all of this equipment, so he should be using it! And he’s so fortunate to have 1:1 caregivers, so they should be able to follow the routine and help him be active. He is still his own person with autonomy.
I visit him multiple times a week but I can’t check in as often as I’d like. My only idea was to make a schedule and list of reminders and post it on the wall so they see it. But just wondering if anyone has other ideas or dealt with anything similar. Thanks!

My (23M) mother (58F), after three weeks of traveling through Europe, came down with the flu or something similar. Her only symptom has been extreme fatigue, and she asked for wheelchair service through the airports and asked me to carry all of her luggage. Traveling with her was difficult, as she is the type to become extremely agitated and lash out whenever things get stressful. Even something as simple as walking to a new hotel would get her dialed to 11 and lead to her snapping at you for suggesting an alternative route. When we got home, she continued to say that she was too exhausted to do anything and has asked me to do her normal share of chores, buy everything and bring her things from the kitchen as needed. I have done all of these things dutifully, but when I was out and about, she sent me a text saying “If I die…” and went on to explain how her life insurance policy worked, gave me the number of her manager and told me to call them to collect her things and said me that she would give me important information later that night. Panicking and thinking something major had happened, I called and asked what happened. When she told me that nothing had changed and she still just felt extremely tired and ill, I became very upset with her and told her to not send me texts suggesting that her death was imminent. In response, she said “You have zero empathy” and hung up the phone.
I confronted her when I got home (and delivered her popsicles and tylenol), and said that she had leveled a very serious accusation at me that I did not appreciate, and that in fact, she was inconsiderate to scare me with death talk when nothing had changed and her doctor had even said that all she needed was bed rest and fluids. Initially she said nothing and asked me about something else. I repeated myself and she kept saying “ok”. I told her that ok is not a response and I wanted a proper answer from her, and she said “you shouldn’t start arguments with people when they’re feeling shitty”. When I pressed she paused for a few seconds and said “you shouldn’t be in here, I don’t want you to get sick”. I refused to relent, and she raised her voice at me that she felt like shit and that she had said I had no empathy because of my cold demeanor. I repeated that saying I have no empathy when I’m doing everything she asked of me and simply asked her to stop with the death talk is completely unfair and excessive. She then started talking as if she was going to cry and went on about how she’s “done so much for me” and “haven’t I shown you that I love you?”. She has done a lot for me, but it’s a false dichotomy to say I can’t be appreciative of that and critical of her behavior.
After going around in circles, I realized that I was never going to get an apology or acknowledgement that she shouldn’t have said that, and that she would continue to use diversion and manipulation tactics. She asked me to get her another popsicle, which I debated but did despite my frustration. After this conversation, the illusion finally disappeared and I realized what she truly was - a loving but unstable individual with deeply unhealthy attachment patterns and an inability to accept criticism, who will not shy away from underhanded tactics to avoid doing so. Which led me to accepting that I am never going to have a healthy, close relationship with her.