Chair covers for parsons rollback chair

At the world’s top college of magic and technology, every day brings a new discovery -and a new disaster. The advanced experiments of the college students tend to be both ambitious and apocalyptic, with the end of the world only prevented by a mysterious time loop, and a small handful of students who retain their memories.
Surviving the loops was hard enough, but now, in his senior year, Vell Harlan must take charge of them, and deal with the fact that the whole world now knows his secrets. Everyone knows about Vell’s death and resurrection, along with the divine game he is a part of. Now Vell must contend with overly curious scientists and evil billionaires hungry for divine power while the daily doomsday cycle bombards him with terrorists, talking elephants, and the Grim Reaper himself -but if he can endure it all, the Last Goddess’s game promises the ultimate prize: power over life itself.
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“Should I be worried?”
Why would you be worried?” Kim said. “Dean Lichman loves us.”
Dean Lichman had asked the two of them to stop by his office, though his brief message had not said what for. That left Vell to concoct nightmare scenarios in his head.
“He doesn’t love all of us.”
“Alex doesn’t count as ‘us’,” Kim said. She was a looper in purely a technical sense, mostly due to her own refusal to be a team player. “Besides, she’s been behaving lately. She’s only been an asshole, not an active liability.”
“That we know of.”
“If we don’t know about it, Dean probably doesn’t either,” Kim said. “It’s fine, Vell, he probably just wants to ask us for advice or deal with some problem he has.”
“That’s not much better,” Vell said. “How weird would things have to be that the Dean is asking us for help personally?”
“Only one way to find out,” Kim said. She gestured to the door to the Dean’s office.
Kim entered first, and found it in much the same state as it always was. The desk piled high with paperwork, a small bowl of assorted candies shoved into the corner of the desk, and Dean Lichman behind it, frantically tapping away on a laptop. Vell had not been in this office for several years, and it was vastly different than the last time he’d been here.
“Ah, there you are, come in, have a seat,” Dean Lichman said. “Unless you’d rather we have our conversation elsewhere, Vell.”
“Why would I want that?”
“Well, it’s my understanding you haven’t been in this office since my, uh, predecessor,” Dean Lichman said.
“Oh, right, the kidnapping,” Vell said. “No, I’m good, I don’t really get traumatized by things anymore.”
Vell had been killed too many different ways in too many different places to have a functional trauma response. A few days ago he’d gotten his legs chewed off by a vending machine, and still stopped by it to pick up a soda on his way to the office.
“That’s a very concerning response, Mr. Harlan.”
“Yeah. Anyway, what did you need?”
Dean Lichman gestured for the duo to take a seat, and both did so. He folded desiccated hands in front of himself before beginning to speak.
“I would like to ask you two to take a look at an experiment that will be occurring later this week,” Dean Lichman said. “I don’t have any reason to believe it poses a threat, but I would like to be assured it is a safe and ethical environment, and, well, you two have a knack for identifying trouble spots.”
“You could say that,” Kim said. It was more accurate to say that trouble had a way of identifying them -and then leaping at them and ripping their heads off.
“I’d appreciate it if the two of you could simply examine the laboratory and give it your approval, or disapproval, as the case may be,” Dean Lichman said. “Though if you’re too busy, I fully understand.”
“If you don’t think this is dangerous, why are you asking for our help anyway?”
“Simply for my own peace of mind, frankly,” Dean Lichman said. “The school’s policies on animal experimentation are...satisfactory, I suppose, but I do want to take extra precautions when the subject is a creature as smart as an elephant.”
“An elephant?”
“Yes, a resident of a reserve in Thailand,” Dean Lichman said. “An older elephant by the name of Mae Noi. She has cancer, apparently, and she is submitting to experimental treatment in the hopes it will be useful for younger elephants.”
Kim’s digital face briefly flashed with a facial expression of concerned skepticism.
“‘She’ is submitting to treatment? As in the elephant?”
“Yes. Apparently the elephant can talk,” Dean Lichman said. “No, I don’t know how it works, they said it was ‘more impressive in person’.”
“Well now I kind of want to go just to see the talking elephant,” Vell said.
“Same.”
“Well, do try to take a few glances at the experiment’s safety while you’re there,” Dean Lichman said.
“Sounds like a plan,” Vell said. “Thanks for the heads up.”
“I’ll be there too,” Kim said.
“Excellent. Thank you both, and I’ll try not to take up too much of your time,” the Dean said. He then bid them both a polite goodbye and returned to his mountains of paperwork. Vell took a step out of the office and then took a sip from the soda he’d recently retrieved from the evil vending machine.
“So, what do you think?”
“I think I really do want to see the talking elephant,” Kim said.
“Obviously, yeah, we all want to see the talking elephant,” Vell said. “I mean the whole situation. You think the elephant thing is going to be the daily apocalypse for that day?”
“Well, on the one hand, an elephant seems like the kind of thing that would kill us,” Kim said. “But on the other, I feel like the fact we have advance warning means it’s not going to happen.”
“True. The universe probably wouldn’t make it that easy for us.”
“Yeah, but the elephant thing still feels pretty threatening,” Kim said. “Only way to find out is to wait a few days, I guess.”
A FEW DAYS LATER
“Hello you two,” Dean Lichman said. “And Hawke.”
“Hey,” Hawke said.
“He also wanted to see the talking elephant,” Kim explained.
“Well, that’s not a problem, it was an open invitation,” Dean Lichman said.
“Thanks. Still, sorry for not saying I was going to show up in advance,” Hawke said. “It took me a long time to make up my mind whether I was more interested in or afraid of a talking elephant.”
“They are rather large, aren’t they? I suppose that could be intimidating.”
“I’m okay with elephants on their own, it’s the talking part that doesn’t sit right with me,” Hawke said. “What if the elephant doesn’t like me? What if I’m the first person to ever get insulted by an elephant?”
“You’re less afraid of getting trampled by an elephant than insulted by one?”
“I’m a little afraid of trampling, but elephants are chill,” Hawke explained. “They wouldn’t attack unless provoked. I kind of feel like one might call me a dipshit unprovoked, though.”
“You have oddly specifics fears, Mr. Hughes,” Dean Lichman said.
“Yeah.”
In spite of those fears, Hawke happily stepped through the door to the zoology lab. It did not take a long time to locate the elephant in the room, as it was a literal elephant. The towering pachyderm was in a makeshift pen in the center of the lab, with an ample supply of food and a strange pedestal in front of her.
“Dr. Chanthara,” Dean Lichman said, with a polite wave to one of the researchers in the room. “Good to see you. These are the students I told you about.”
“Hm. Nice to meet you,” Dr. Chanthara said. He was, perhaps not unreasonably, skeptical of why three seemingly random students were in charge of a safety inspection. The fact that one of the three was a robot made him even more skeptical.
“Hi, nice to meet you too, and, uh, don’t mind us,” Vell said. “We just have an eye for weird things other people might miss.”
“Sure. I- wait. Aren’t you that kid who got chosen by a god?”
“Yeah, that’s me,” Vell said. “And her too, technically.”
Kim shrugged. She didn’t care for any extra attention on that point.
“Right,” Chanthara said. He was beginning to see why these students might know their stuff. “I suppose we should start by introducing you to Mae Noi. Say hello, Mae.”
The elephant shifted on her feet and poked her trunk at the wide pedestal in front of her twice.
“Hello. Friends,” a synthesized voice droned. Vell stepped a little closer to the pedestal, just enough to see that there were an array of buttons on the side facing Mae Noi.
“Oh, it’s kind of like a keyboard,” Vell said. He’d seen similar things used with dogs, though usually in a much simpler fashion. Mae Noi seemed to have a few dozen buttons at her disposal.
“Smart,” Mae Noi said, with another prod of her trunk.
“We initially put it into our sanctuary as a bit of a novelty, something elephants could choose to interact with,” Dr. Chanthara explained. “Mae Noi took to it a bit better than most. Especially once she found out she could use it to ask for food.”
“Food. Pumpkin. Pumpkin. Pumpkin.”
“No, Mae, no food until after experiment,” Dr. Chanthara scolded.
“Experiment,” Mae Niko said with a prod. “Pumpkin.”
“Yes, experiment then pumpkin,” Dr. Chanthara said.
“That’s not really a talking elephant, is it?” Hawke said.
“It’s more talking than most elephants,” Dr. Chanthara said.
“Elephant. Smart,” Mae Niko said. “Smart.”
“Yes, uh, right, elephant smart,” Hawke said. He took a step back, to avoid any further offense and any further risk of being insulted by Mae Noi.
“You’re very impressive, Mae, don’t mind him,” Kim said. “How many words does she know?”
“Our platform back home has around three hundred words, though she’s still learning some of them,” Dr. Chanthara said. “The ‘travel’ version we put together only has a hundred, just enough to make sure she can get her basic needs met and communicate about the experiment.”
“Right, speaking of, I do believe we should put some time into our reason for being here,” Dean Lichman interjected. “You’re welcome to stick around afterwards, at Dr. Chanthara and Mae Noi’s discretion, of course, but we should get underway.”
“We probably should get to business, yeah,” Kim said. She tapped the side of her metal head. “I’m going to scan the lab. Vell, you talk to the elephant and make sure everything’s above-board.”
“Abov- oh, right,” Vell said. “Sorry, not exactly used to being able to ask animals if they agree to animal experimentation.”
“Experiment,” Mae said.
“Yeah, experiment,” Vell said, as he turned to Mae. “So, Mae Noi, this experiment might hurt, do you know that?”
“Experiment. Hurt. Elephant,” Mae Noi prodded. “Experiment. Help. Elephant. Help. Baby.”
“Help baby?”
“Baby. Baby. Elephant. Sick. Baby. Sick.”
“We’ve explained the nature of her condition to Mae Noi as best we can,” Dr. Chanthara said. “She has several children, and is concerned they might be similarly affected.”
“Help. Baby,” Mae Noi said. “Experiment. Help.”
The way Mae Noi frantically tapped the buttons tugged at Vell’s heartstrings, but he choked those emotions down.
“So you want to do this experiment to help baby, got it,” Vell said. “Even if it hurts you?”
“Elephant. Old,” Mae Noi said. “Hurt. Okay. Help. Baby.”
“Huh. Well, that does sound like informed consent to me,” Vell said. “Passes ethical muster, at least.”
The campus rules allowed students to be experimented on, with their consent, so Vell saw no reason not to apply the same standard to an elephant.
“You speak up if you change your mind about the experiment, okay?”
“Stop. Stop. Stop,” Mae said, mashing the same button a few times. “Yes.”
“You got it. I’m going to go help my friends check things out,” Vell said. “Good talking to you, Mae.”
“Good. Talk. Friend,” Mae said. She waved goodbye with her trunk, and Vell waved back. He wandered away from Mae Noi’s pedestal and found Kim and Hawke carefully examining rows of beakers and various other supplies.
“Nothing sus yet, boss,” Hawke said.
“Nothing caustic, mutagenic, or explosive?”
“Well, something mutagenic, but it’s supposed to be,” Kim said. She had scanners built into her body much like those that had once been in Vell’s glasses, allowing her to analyze the complex chemical formulas at a glance. “They’re going for some gene editing similar to what we’ve tried to do on human cancer patients. Low success rate, but not harmful. Some adaptations to work on elephants, of course.”
“Run it by any of our chemistry and biology student friends yet?”
“A few,” Kim said. “Haven’t gotten anything back yet, though.”
“Maybe run it by Skye, too,” Vell said. “She’d recognize anything that’d mutate an animal.”
“She does love to mutate things,” Kim said.
“Benevolently,” Vell insisted. “Just show her. I’m going to check for any stray equipment.”
The presence of an unusually large test subject had resulted in the lab being rearranged and reshuffled, so Vell did a quick scan for any misplaced equipment that might pose a threat. He found, to his surprise, a tidy and well-organized environment, with any and all extraneous materials securely locked away. There wasn’t so much as a shrink ray out of place. Vell did another loop just to be sure, but returned to his friends empty-handed.
“This place has less safety hazards than my lab,” Vell said. Hawke stared at him for a while.
“Why does your lab have safety hazards?’
“I do runecarving, there’s like, hammers and chisels,” Vell said. “Those can hurt people.”
“Mm, true,” Hawke said. “So you really didn’t find anything?”
“Nothing,” Vell said. “This place is secure as I’ve ever seen a lab be.”
“It’s like I said,” Kim began. “We got an actual warning about it, so obviously nothing’s going to go wrong. That’d be too easy.”
“Maybe,” Vell said. “Things can get teleported in, or someone could cast a spell, or something.”
“Yeah, but that applies to anywhere, at any time,” Kim said.
“Kim’s right,” Hawke said. “I say we go business as usual.”
“I guess,” Vell said. “We have to branch out a little, at least. Can’t keep an eye on one room all day.”
The trio stopped sulking around the outskirts of the lab and returned to Dean Lichman and Dr. Chanthara.
“Everything looks good,” Kim said. “Probably the safest lab I’ve ever seen.”
“I’ll choose to take that as a compliment,” Dr. Chanthara said.
“We have very high safety standards here at the Einstein-Odinson,” Dean Lichman said, defensively. “Relatively speaking. Innovation requires some risk.”
“I understand perfectly. So does Mae.”
“Hurt. Okay,” Mae said.
“Not that okay,” Vell said. “Nice meeting you, Dr. Chanthara. You too, Mae.”
“Wait.”
Mae prodded one of the buttons on her pedestal and then pointed her trunk at the three of them. Hawke looked deeply concerned, but stepped forward alongside Vell and Kim. Mae Noi appraised them with massive brown eyes, and then moved her trunk back towards the pedestal. Vell noticed a distinctive scar on the bridge of her long nose just as Mae Noi pressed another button.
“Joke.”
“...Joke?”
Dr. Chanthara sighed and rolled his eyes.
“Just go along with it,” he said. “She likes to tell her joke.”
“Uh, okay,” Vell said. “Let’s hear it.”
“What. Elephant. Favorite. Part. Tree.”
“Umm...I don’t know, Mae,” Vell lied. He’d heard this joke from a kid, once. “What part?”
“Trunk,” Mae said. She gave a loud bray of amusement and then slammed her trunk down a few more times to emphasize the punchline. “Trunk. Trunk.”
“Oh, ha, I get it,” Kim said, hoping her feigned laugh was convincing. She’d never tried to lie to an elephant before. “Good one, Mae.”
Mae Noi shifted from side to side, looking pleased with herself, while the trio took a step back and stopped their feigned laughter.
“Did you give her buttons just to tell that joke with?”
“She gets upset,” Dr. Chanthara said. “I’m not even sure she understands the pun, she just likes people’s reactions.”
“As long as she’s having fun,” Hawke said.
“We’ll get out of your hair now,” Vell said. “Good luck with the experiment, feel free to let us know if you need a hand with anything.”
“I’ll keep it in mind,” Dr. Chanthara said. Some of his earlier skepticism seemed to have softened, but he did not seem entirely onboard with three strangers mucking about with his experiment. Vell and his friends left before they stretched what little goodwill they had any further. Mae Noi waved her trunk goodbye as the three left the lab and stepped back onto the quad.
“I’m going to try and sneak some classes in,” Hawke said. “Later.”
“I’ll check some of our usual hot spots,” Kim said, before she too left. Once again alone, Vell headed to one of his own classes, and called up Samson.
“Hey, Samson,” Vell began. “See anything interesting while we were playing with the elephant?”
“Well, I thought I clocked someone acting suspicious, but it turns out he was only sneaking around to go see his boyfriend,” Samson said. “Nothing apocalyptic, but I did get called a homophobe, which is pretty emotionally devastating.”
“I’m sure you’ll recover someday,” Vell said. “Keep an eye out. Usually the safer things look, the more dangerous things end up being.”
“Will do,” Samson said, before saying goodbye and hanging up.
***
Vell got increasingly nervous the longer the day went without its daily disaster. He thought about checking in on Mae Noi again, but then recalled Kim’s warning about it being too obvious, but then remembered that nobody had seen anything suspicious anywhere else, but then remember that Mae Noi’s lab had looked perfectly safe-
“Vell.”
“Huh?”
“You’re spiraling,” Kim said.
“I’m not spiraling, I’m just,” Vell said, with a pause for contemplation. “Considering multiple options.”
“In a spiral fashion,” Kim said. “Eat the damn french fries. Honestly, what’s the point of ordering so many if you’re just going to let them get cold?”
“It’s not like they’re going to go to waste,” Vell said. The same time loop that allowed him to eat massive amounts of french fries without fear of gaining weight also allowed him to avoid food waste. One of the upsides of life in a time loop.
“Just eat, Vell,” Kim said. “You worry too much about all this shit.”
“I’m in charge, it’s my job to worry about it,” Vell said.
“It’s your job to handle it,” Kim said. “There’s no point thinking about this shit before it happens, you spend all day thinking about an elephant and then the universe drops, like, a bat with tentacles on your head. Just deal with as it comes, Vell.”
Vell leaned on the table and managed to chomp down on a french fry or two.
“You know, next year, when I’m not running the show anymore, I’m going to call and see if you still think it’s that easy.”
“I sure hope so,” Kim said. “I’m saying all this shit trying to make myself believe it too.”
“Oh good, you’re lying to both of us,” Vell said. “That’s cool.”
“Fake it ‘til you make it, Vell, that’s how it goes,” Kim said. “Eat your damn french fries.”
Vell rolled his eyes and returned to his fries, which were now starting to cool. Thankfully he would not have to worry about finishing them. A loud crash from across campus interrupted him mid-bite and nearly made Vell choke on his fries. He painfully swallowed the half-chewed food and then looked over his shoulder.
“Son of a bitch, finally,” Vell said. A few years ago he’d found it weird whenever he was relieved about a disaster, but now he was just genuinely glad to get it over with. The waiting was as killer as the apocalypse. He tossed his fries in the trash and headed toward the sound of chaos, with Kim right behind him.
“Already told everybody?”
“Well, I may or may not have left Alex and Helena out of the loop…”
“Kim.”
“They’d find out anyway,” Kim said. “I got to use my brain parts to get in touch with them, even over wi-fi that shit feels dirty.”
“Just get in- stop.”
Vell held out his hand. Kim froze in place and did not move. Not intentionally, at least. There was a small amount of unintentional movement. The ground was vibrating.
“Always love a good earthquake,” Kim said.
“That’s not a quake,” Vell said. “That’s...footsteps!”
Vell grabbed Kim and dove out of the way just in time for something to barrel through the walls of the dining hall and stampede across the room. Tables, chairs, and more than a few students were crushed under the feet of a hulking, brown-furred behemoth as it charged. Kim picked herself and Vell up off the floor and tried to trail its progress.
“That’s a- oh fuck me,” Kim said. “Please don’t say you told me so.”
Vell got his bearings and looked across the room at the titanic form of a woolly mammoth. Though it was definitely recognizable as an archaic mammoth, the ancient creature was also heavily mutated, unnaturally large even by mammoth standards, and with multiple curled, jagged tusks protruding from a slobbering maw.
“Well that could be unrelated,” Vell said. “Mammoths can come from a lot of places, cloning accidents, time machines…”
The mammoth reached a wall, and rather than barreling through, turned around, facing directly towards Vell. A prominent scar covered the bridge of its broad trunk.
“Oh, nope, that’s definitely Mae,” Vell said. The scar was in the same place and at the same angle. Even a clone wouldn’t have an identical scar.
Once the revelation had struck, Mae took her turn. Vell found himself staring straight down the barrel of a very angry mammoth coming right at him at Vell-squishing velocity. Luckily he’d been charged at by a lot of creatures over four years of looping.
Vell jumped up and to the side, and latched on to one of the curled tusks, which made for very convenient handlebars. Kim did the same on the opposite side of Mae, and punched her in the head.
“Wait, wait, hold off on the violence for a second,” Vell shouted. He tried to wave at Kim to stop, but Mae was thrashing so violently he had to grip the tusks with both hands.
“Good plan,” Kim shouted. “Can you get Mae on board?”
Another set of tables got crushed underfoot. Thankfully the other students were out of trampling range by now, but Mae Noi’s feet were still coated in the blood of earlier victims.
“Mae’s smart, maybe we can calm her down,” Vell said. He then ducked to dodge a swat from Mae’s mutated trunk.
“Call me crazy, Vell, but I think this is more than just a bad mood,” Kim said, as she climbed up Mae’s seven jagged tusks like a ladder.
“We have to try,” Vell said. The loopers rule against hurting other intelligent life forms had some flexibility for blood-crazed mutants on violent rampages, but they had to at least try to reason first. Vell climbed up on of Mae’s tusks and looked into one of her bloodshot eyes for any sign of recognition. “Mae! It’s Vell, do you remember?”
The only response Vell got was an enraged trumpet, which he didn’t think was a “yes”.
“Come on, bud,” Vell said. “What’s an elephant’s favorite part of a tree, right? The trunk?”
The massive brown eye staring at Vell blinked, and he felt a brief glimmer of hope. He then felt a brief glimmer of his lungs being crushed as Mae swung her head and slammed her tusks into the wall, and Vell along with them. Kim punched Mae in the throat and then jumped across the tusks to grab Vell and carry him to safety.
“You okay, Vell?”
He opened his mouth to respond, and a pint or two of blood came out instead.
“Apparently not,” he mumbled. “I might be down a few ribs. And a lung. Or two.”
Kim carried Vell a safe distance from the fight and set him down on the ground, where he promptly spat out another mouthful of blood.
“Okay, uh, you just lie there and try to die peacefully, I guess,” Kim said.
“Way ahead of you.”
***
“Was that last bit as funny as I thought it was?” Vell asked. “I think the blood loss was affecting my sense of humor.”
“It was kind of hard to appreciate in the moment,” Kim said. “But as far as dying jokes go, it was pretty good.”
Vell and Kim walked into the lair for their morning meeting and joined the loopers that had already gathered.
“Okay, what’d I miss while I was dead?”
“Well, after Alex was done getting herself killed,” Samson began.
“You’re saying that as if it’s something to be ashamed of,” Alex said. “Vell also died.”
“Yeah, but he got killed trying to do something good. You got killed trying to do something stupid.”
“Trying to eliminate a threat is not stupid,” Alex said.
“We don’t kill intelligent creatures,” Hawke said. “Sometimes we punch them into a coma, but we don’t kill them.”
“When a dog bites, you put it down, I don’t see why the same principle doesn’t apply to a mammoth that’s crushed seventy people.”
“That wasn’t Mae’s fault,” Vell said. “She got mutated, or something. On that note: did you guys figure out what happened to Mae Noi?”
“Nothing,” Hawke said. “Looked like Mae smashed up the entire lab, trampled everyone involved in the experiment too. Nothing left to investigate, and nobody left alive to interrogate.”
“Typical,” Vell sighed. “At least we have an easy out. Dean Lichman was really concerned about the ethics of that whole experiment. We raise some kind of complaint, we could probably get the whole thing shut down.”
“The problem is getting the complaint,” Hawke said. “That lab was airtight, Vell.”
“Apparently not completely airtight,” Kim said. “I can camp out in the lab and raise an entirely justifiable stink whenever something capable of making a murder-mammoth shows up.”
“And what if it happens so suddenly you can’t complain about it?” Samson asked. “For all we know that could’ve been some kind of dimensional rift, or time anomaly, or something. It might not be as simple as somebody just putting in the wrong syringe at the wrong time.”
“He’s got a point,” Vell said. “We might want to shut this down before it gets there.”
“Seems like our best option is to plant evidence, then,” Alex said.
Everyone else at the table spent a few seconds brainstorming ways to prove her wrong, and much to their frustration, could not.
“Okay, fine,” Vell said. “But it needs to be something incidental, not something anyone would get blamed for. We want to cancel the experiment, not get anyone in trouble.”
“I could have a seizure on some sensitive equipment,” Helena offered. “It’ll break something and nobody would dare get mad at me.”
“Can you fake a seizure?”
“No, but I’m allergic to elephants, so I’d probably have one anyway the moment I stepped in the lab,” Helena said.
“I don’t feel entirely comfortable sending you into anaphylactic shock for a bit,” Vell said.
“Offer’s on the table,” Helena said. “I’ll live. Wouldn’t have made it through that trip to the zoo otherwise.”
“Anybody have any non-medical emergency suggestions?”
“Seagull in the air vents,” Kim said.
“Will that work?”
“It happens now and then,” Kim said. “Seagull gets in, and Dean has to close down the whole lab for potential material damage and biohazard risks if they shit in the vents.”
“Really? We’ve never had to deal with anything like that,” Hawke said.
“It may shock you to learn that sometimes minor, tedious bullshit happens that we have nothing to do with,” Kim said.
“That is kind of surprising, actually.”
“Enough. Kim, can you grab a seagull?” Vell asked. He shouldered his bookbag, and stuck a hand into the extradimensional pocket that existed within it. “I can probably smuggle it in with my bag.”
“Yeah, I can get you a seagull,” Kim said. Since she did not need to sleep, she had to find ways to keep herself entertained at night, seagull-grabbing being among them.
“Alright, we’ll go grab one and put it in the bag,” Vell said. “The rest of you, be ready to meet us when I call.”
***
Roughly three minutes later, Vell put out the call and they reconvened in front of the biology lab.
“Yeah, that was much faster than I thought it would be,” Vell said.
“I’m great at grabbin’ birds,” Kim said. Seagulls were among the easier birds to snatch, even. They were suckers for food, and many of them were attracted to her shiny metallic body anyway.
“Let’s just get this over with,” Vell said. “I want this thing out of my bag ASAP.”
Even though the seagull was safely within a pocket dimension, Vell would swear he could still feel the bird thrashing and squawking inside his bag. He tightened his grip on the shoulder strap and led the way towards the zoology lab entrance. He grabbed the handle and held it as he froze for a second.
“Vell, what’s up? Is this bird escaping?”
“No, the handle’s vibrating,” Vell said. It was shaking the same way a wall near an incredibly loud speaker might. He pressed his ear to the door and listened closely. He opened the door immediately, and let all his friends hear the frantic trumpeting of a panicked elephant.
Inside the lab, Mae Noi was stomping her feet and trumpeting as loud as he long trunk would allow. She swayed from side to side in her pen, bumping against the walls not quite hard enough to damage them, but hard enough that it was clear she was doing it on purpose.
“What the heck is happening here?”
“Ah, Vell,” Dean Lichman said. He hustled over to Vell’s side and gestured to the entire room. “Maybe you can figure out what’s going on.”
Mae Noi stopped braying long enough to start mashing her trunk against her pedestal, mashing out the word “Bad” over and over again.
“Our test subject, Mae Noi, has been throwing an absolute fit ever since she got here,” Dean Lichman said. “Dr. Chanthara, these are the students I was telling you about earlier.”
While Vell reintroduced himself to Dr. Chanthara, Kim and Hawke stepped up to examine Mae Noi and her enclosure. It was a far cry from the peaceful, orderly scene they had examined on the first loop. They were half an hour earlier this time than before, but Kim found it unlikely that they had been able to calm Mae Noi down, clean everything up, and get back to work in such a short amount of time. They hadn’t mentioned any of this panic on the first loop either. They were soon joined in their confusion by Chanthara and Vell.
“We’ve tried everything; food, water, her favorite toys, even videos of her children,” Dr. Chanthara said. “We’ve even offered to call off the experiment, but she won’t listen.”
“She is an animal,” Alex said. “Sometimes they do things arbitrarily.”
“Not Mae,” Dr. Chanthara said. “Some of our sanctuaries residents from traumatic backgrounds can have outbursts, but Mae was injured in the wild. She’s never been like this.”
“Maybe some experiment on the island is upsetting her,” Vell said. “A sonic experiment only she can hear, or something…”
Vell stopped and thought about it. If there had been such an irritant, it would’ve been there on the first loop too. Everything always repeated exactly the same, except for-
“Could you, uh, take a step back for a second?” Vell mumbled. “I want to try talking to her.”
“Don’t get close,” Chanthara warned him.
“I’m not, I’m not,” Vell said. He didn’t need to get very close to tell a joke.
The massive brown eyes of Mae Noi stayed locked on Vell as he approached, and she continued to mash the “Bad” button on her pedestal.
“I know, I know, bad,” Vell said. “But, uh, do you want to hear a joke?”
Mae Noi stopped. She locked eyes with Vell for a few seconds, and then cautiously tapped a button on her pedestal.
“Joke.”
“Right, joke,” Vell said. He tried to recall the exact sequence of words Mae had used on the first loop. “What elephant favorite part tree?”
Mae didn’t blink.
“Trunk,” Vell said.
After a moment of contemplation, Mae Noi let out one final, fervent, trumpet, and then started mashing buttons on her pedestal again.
“Bad. Help. Help. Experiment. Bad. Help. Bad. Help.”
“Yeah, bad help, one second,” Vell said. He turned away from Mae Noi to look at Dean Lichman. “Hey, uh, excuse me, Dean? Hey, uh, if I remember correctly there are some pretty complicated rules on having intelligent animals on campus, yes?”
“Well, yes,” Dean Lichman said. After hearing of some questionable ethical practices involving an octopus back in first year, he had instituted a few clauses into the school’s ethical code of conduct regarding intelligent animals like elephants, octopuses, and dolphins. “Mae’s presence here is a bit of an outlier, but there were workaround, given her apparent consent to the experiment.”
“Yeah, about that, is she, uh,” Vell began. “Is she registered as a student?”
“Yes.”
Vell pursed his lips. It took a few seconds for his friends to catch on.
“You have got to be fucking kidding me,” Samson snapped. He turned his back on the crowd and leaned against a wall while Hawke put his head in his hands.
“The first rule of looping,” Alex said quietly. “Loopers are randomly selected-”
She looked up and locked eyes with Mae Noi.
“From all registered students.”

Hello! My name is Andrea Ramirez, and I am conducting a research study to fulfill the requirements for a Psy.D in Clinical Psychology at The Chicago School of Professional Psychology.
The purpose of this study (IRB-FY23-260) is to measure anxiety, depression, and trauma symptomatology among a sample of adult gay men and compare results between two age-based cohorts.
You may participate in this study if:

• Must be between 18-99 years old.
• Must identify as a gay man.
• Must currently live in the United States.
• Must have lived in the United States during the AIDS epidemic and/or the 2022 mpox outbreak.

During this study, you will be asked to complete a 20-30 minute survey about your experiences with anxiety, depression, trauma, and experiences with mpox and discrimination. You will be asked to complete this study on Qualtrics.com.
If you are interested and/or have any questions, please contact me or my dissertation chair as noted below:
Andrea Ramirez, M.A (they/them/theirs): [aramirez4@ego.thechicagoschool.edu](mailto:aramirez4@ego.thechicagoschool.edu)
Beatriz Lopez, Ph.D. (she/hehers): [blopez4@thechicagoschool.edu](mailto:blopez4@thechicagoschool.edu)
Please feel free to share this post with anyone who may be interested in participating. I am currently looking to reach a wider age range (especially folx who were adults in the 80s). Thank you for reading.
Survey Link: https://qualtricsxmxqkf55frn.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_9HuZAYJxSq6eSIm

I had great stats on my final with a KR of 0.67, range of 59-95, and an average of 80. The class I teach is known to be one of the hardest classes in the program and is meant to help determine who can advance to senior year. I’ve been dealing with the chair of my department trying to make exceptions for students all semester and ignoring policy for things like attendance. She is now asking to sit down and review my exam because some “stats” she has “questions about”. I am very adamant that this was a good, fair exam. After this final I will be losing 7 students out of 73. It’s not professional to tell her to go kick rocks but I want to tell her I won’t be adjusting grades. Any tips?

I do a lot of travelling via sleeper bus and train and this includes to diving activities. Now I'm certified to freedive most of the main good dive spots are 200 miles away.
I've got a pair of Leaderfins Ice fibreglass fins. Normally to store them I've been using the standard Leaderfins fabric soft bag but this makes me a little nervous about taking them with me because my usual options for storing the fins are to hope I can fit them undearound my chair or take the risk of putting them in the overhead storage (and people here aren't careful about stowing luggage either). I'm really worried about them getting damaged, partially for cost and mainly the fact they're my only personal pair (wanting to buy another pair though).
So I'm looking online and seeing a few options for hard fin cases. They seem expensive but would make my travelling easier. Wondering if anyone here has one and thinks it's worth dropping $2-300 on one.

I'm considering purchasing the Workplace 2.0 Ayalon chair and I see it has a 10 year warranty, but I'm concerned about the chair's cushion bottoming out in a few years as most chair cushions tend to do. I can't really afford the extra $50 protection plan right now even though I know Asurion is generally worth it hence why I'm wondering if the chair's warranty would cover such a thing. Anyone have any idea? Thank you for any help anyone can provide.

Selling my Herman Miller Embody It’s perfect Condition Fully Loaded Retails for 2,000+ I want 700$ , I’ve looked and it’s 200$ cheaper then any on the market so I’m pretty firm on price, if you any questions lmk. Great chair just don’t use it. Picture in the comment section Thanks

Hi everyone. I am planning on ED to Duke and I know that obviously it is a reach for basically anyone but do I have even a slight chance. I’m pretty lacking in the honors/awards category.
Demographics: Male White/Jewish Upper-Middle Class
Intended Major(s): Finance/Econ
ACT/SAT/SAT II: Act:34 Sat: 1520 (790 math,730 English) retaking to try and superscore get English up
UW/W GPA and Rank: 3.98/4.0 UW No Rank Competitve public school with multiple Ivy acceptances each year.
Coursework: AP/IB/Dual Enrollment classes, AP/IB scores, etc 6/8 possible AP classes rest honors. AP Calc BC AP Econ AP Spanish AP STATS APUSH AP Gov
Awards: High Honor Roll 2 time deca state qualifier AP Scholar NHS WLNHS
Extracurriculars: Include leadership & summer activities
Varsity Golf Captain Varsity Tennis Selective program tutoring Non-verbal child NHS Community Service Officer WLNHS Co-chair Bussboy at Italian restaurant Camp Counselor for camp I’ve attended all of my life. On leadership committee Youth Basketball coach Deca Student Mentorship program with middle school FoundePresident of stock club
Essays/LORs/Other: Optionally, guess how strong these are and include any other relevant information or circumstances.
Essay about my experience tutoring non verbal child in a Jewish school setting and how that rekindled my religious identity, encouraging me to explore myself. Should be pretty good 8/10 at least.
LOR 1: Apush 8/10 talk with him often and have good connection. Lead class discussion and perform well. LOR 2: Honors Bio 7 or 8/10 I think she really likes me I do very well in the class and talk to her before class about life. Really don’t know how good it will be but hopeful. Schools: List of colleges, ED/EA/RD, etc ED Duke EA/RD UMich Lehigh Uflorida Richmond UT Austin Emory UVA Indiana Bloomington Wake forest U Maryland Wisconsin Harvard Penn northwestern.

Hey Friends!
We need to buy new dining room chairs and I'm running into the issue of not being able to find anything wide enough.
I'm looking for anything OVER 25" Wide for the seat portion - 30"+ would also be cool cause I've got a decadent behind. ;)
Leg comfort is also important because the front of some chairs dig into my thighs.
3/5 of us are over 6'3" tall so height is definitely a consideration. No low chairs, and taller is better (not bar stools)
They must have a back on them and arms are acceptable but not necessary.
Lastly I'm in Canada so that factors in on my ability to buy online :)
Help a girl out!!??
Thanks!

So does anyone else really struggle when cooking? Standing for so long like obliterates my knees and I always end up getting super dizzy, nauseous, and etc. I was wondering if anyone had any tips for when they cook? I have a really small kitchen and most times I have to bounce around the room to do things so pulling a chair into the room doesn’t necessarily aways help.

I’m sick of hearing about how our council and city Is performing. Everyday we have people complaining about “council did this/council forgot about this” etc. But there is plenty to be positive about! Just today - here are three stories to make you feel good about the city.
Council is wisely using its funds on painting lines on paths. No one asked for it, knows what it’s for and it’s a little on the piss but other then that pretty happy to see my rates spent on this than silly things like graffiti removal or street cleaning!
In a meeting to hear resident feedback, our wise councillor'sshut down a pesky resident who had the audacity to ask the major (oh great one!!) to stop playing her phone whilst people made submissions. A ridiculous request really. Why should we expect the mayor to pretend to listen to feedback they are going to ignore anyway? And remember being critical of the mayor is sexist & racist - it’s good the chair cut off the person being mean to her.
Lastly,concerned that council would let you decide what to name your private access street? Have no fear, council is on top of that too! Yes, it may delay projects and cost time and money. But that’s not important, you need to look at the bigger picture and ensure that the driveway has a nice unique name.

I have 2 WFH tech jobs & I am working towards a law masters degree. I currently have 3 laptops (1 for each job then 1 for my personal use that I do my school assignments) but I want to set up a full desk space so I can work more effectively.
I work the 2 jobs at the same time so would need both laptops to be open but I don’t need my school laptop to be open at the same time.
Can anyone recommend what type of desk set up I should have: any recs for the amount of monitors I should use, the size of the monitors, the size of the desk, whether I should use a monitor arm or a monitor raiser & any other accessories you think would be helpful I.e. what type of chaimouse/keyboard/monitor lights.
Any help would be much appreciated !

My roommate (25F) and I (23F) met each other on our job. We quickly start a friendship with other girls, creating our own friend group. After my ex-boyfriend and I broke up, I moved out to a room very close to our workplace. After that, we really became close, and we started to meet after work for drinks and talks, but I didn`t really think of them as my best friends. Yeah, we were friends, but not very close. I mean, we knew each other for like 5 months and didn't have a lot of friends in common.
One night, while we were having a drink (I don`t drink, but I don`t mind being around), I commend that I was searching for a new place because in the one where I was, there was a pub litterally down my room, and I couldn't sleep on the weekends. She asked me if I thought about shearing with a friend and proposing herself. TBH, I didn`t really tell her how I liked to live, but we kind of talked about the important stuff, like how it needed to be a place with 2 rooms and where she could have her dog, and how it needed to be close and in our price range (700 euros in total, or about 350 euros).
After searching, we found a cute apartment near our place of work for 670 euros. The only problem was that it was very small, about 50 m2, and one of the rooms was very small, like, it had a twin bed and a little wardrobe, and that was it. no more room. We decided that we would pay the same, but we would change rooms every 3 months. To be honest, I don`t know how we think that was a good idea, but at that time, it seemed good.
The problems start about a month after moving in. She asked me to cover the security deposit during that part of the first month when we started, and I was starting to see how I was the one paying for everything (food, cleaning, needed electronics like a microwave), and she didn`t really look like she was going to pay. So I started to comment about it, not really pushing it but keeping it in mind. Maybe that is not the best, but I have to say that I did not have money. I was being paid at least 800 euros while hers was 1000, and I was having to ask my mother for money to eat at the end of the month because she never paid me back and was eating everything I bought for me. But one day, about 2 months ago, I got super stressed because, after she got fired from her job and resigned for the other 2 months, I started getting mad because it was the 5th and I had 29 euros on my name for the rest of the month. I am very bad at confronting so I decided to lie and tell her that I had a family emergency and I needed her to send me some of the money she own me. At that time, the total of the debt was about 500 euros. She started to tell me that I was very inconsiderate because she didn't have a job and was also helping to pay her parents rent.
After that, I decided that I didn't really want to keep the friendship; we didn't really have anything in common (culturally, about relationships, boundaries, etc.), and she didn't talk to me for a week. After that, we stay cordial, but we start to have big problems. Her dog.
She didn't take care of him; he peed and pooped in the living room or kitchen and didn't get clean for hours; he ate two different pairs of my shoes; he ate all the sofa cushions; and he bit every inch of the table, chairs, and wood he could find.
I just told her she should start cleaning after her dog and even offered to take him for a walk if she was working. A week passes, and one day, while I was cooking, she got out of her room and started telling me that she was tired of cleaning my sh*t. I have to admit that I am not the most tidy, but I try to keep everything clean, even if it is not organiced. After she tells me that I kind of exploded, I tell her that I was tired of living with her dog sh*t.
After that, we start to argue about why I'm not clean or organiced, i repond how I'm being ordering take away to not have to cook whit her dogs dirt, and why I haven't even been in the living room in a week because it's full of shit and oddor of her dog. After that, she started to scream (tbh, I don't remember how she started screaming, but we both ended up doing it) about how I didn't have the right to tell her how to take care of her dog, and I yell back that I was the one living with it because she was ether at work, sleeping, or parting (nothing wrong with that life, but if you don't have a dog to take care of),. After that, we just insulted each other, and she ended up going to work. and was the start of a 3-week strait where we didn't have any interaction.
A week ago, we started to talk and kind of say sorry to each other, but that was it.
But now it's time to change rooms, like we talked about at the beginning, and she decided not to. So now, I am stuck with the small room, without my money, and having to pay for food for two.
But regardless of the state we are in, she invited "our" friends, who, btw, don't talk to me anymore, to our house at 2/3 am and listen to loud music or talk bad about me (the door of my room leads directly to the living room, so I listen to everything). But now they are telling me that I am the one creating a bad vibe in the home while I am the one who tries to keep everything calm because I don't like confrontation, but maybe that's the problem. Idk
So AITAH?
PD: Sorry for any mistakes; English is not my first language.

Is my cat broken?
I have a 3 year old moggy. He’s quite a large cat, around 5.5kg, not overweight but just built solidly. He’s very friendly, playful, cuddly. Generally just very sweet-natured.
He’s friendly with other cats too. Obviously many neighbouring cats are not friendly back. I’ve seen other cats bully him. There is one in particular who comes into our garden to mark territory and intimidate him. We probably moved into his territory so it’s understandable.
What I’m wondering about is that he has made friends with two cats that just hang out in our garden with him, one in particular, they will take a nap together in the sun, and occasionally play flight.
Now I have been hearing a lot of cat fights in our garden recently, but when I check, it’s not my cat. It’s one of his friends fighting other cats in our garden. Just now there was a fight happening at the bottom of the garden and our cat was near the house hiding under a chair. I opened the door to let him in of course, but he just wants to go straight back out. It’s like he doesn’t get involved in fights but still wants to monitor the situation.
Is it normal for a cat to be so passive about other cats on his territory? Is it ok when he’s just a friendly guy? Or is something up with his instincts? He’s a keen hunter though.
We aren’t his first home so I don’t know too much about his kittenhood. I got him neutered at the age of 1.

Hi there! I'm new here, and I have my first wheelchair with me now. It's kind of inherited, an older model from a friend. I know wheelchairs are very specific from person to person, but I only need mine for long distances. It's an Drive Airgo ProCare, and it would be a great chair for someone who's not me!
My problem is that it's way too narrow. It hurts to sit in, and getting in and out of it is much harder than it needs to be. However, it's the only option I have as I can't afford an alternative. Does anyone have any advice on making modifications to widen it? I do have access to a 3D printer and some other basic parts, but that's all.

Dilemma with Airbnb host treatment - no long showers allowed and dog peed on my suitcase and clothes - how should I respond? [Spain]
Hey folks just wanted to get your thoughts on this situation I had recently.
I booked a last minute Airbnb for 3 nights recently in a big Spanish city (Airbnb was outside city center for €40 per night). It was shared with the host (a boomer Spanish lady and her puppy dog). Nowadays, I filter with Guest Favorites and only look at listings where the host is rated over 4.80. This host had 50 reviews, was a super host and the listing was a guest favorite and had a rating of 4.92
I arrived midnight (prearranged well in advance with the host as check in is only until 23h according to the listing). I immediately go to bed without showering as I had one in the previous stay and was going to exercise the next day anyway. I spend all of next day outside and return at night and take a long shower (20-30 mins) before going to bed. I sleep in the next day and the host requests that I don’t shower so long (we communicate in basic French as she doesn’t know English and I don’t know Spanish)… I say all good, I’ll keep it shorter next time. I go inside and I’m in the bathroom for about 20 mins, brushing my teeth, taking a dump etc. and am careful to only take a shower between 5-10 max minutes. I get a message from the host later that evening (translated):
Host:
Hi Appliance7717, I wanted to let you know that tomorrow the departure is at 11 o'clock also because I have to leave, I also wanted to let you know that if you would take another shower I would ask you to keep it shorter, thank you Appliance7717.
Guest:
I showered for 5 minutes today. You want it to be shorter than that?
I did spend more time in the bathroom using the toilet, brushing my teeth etc.
Or I just can’t use the bathroom for long?
Host:
No please, if that's the case it's all right.
It's just that it's a huge expense for me.
I’m in the metro when I read this message and get all flustered and take the wrong train etc. and am a bit frustrated but whatever, I’ll check out sharp 11am tomorrow and get it over with. I’d booked a hostel for the next day anyway. I also missed out on seeing the meteorite (!) whilst all this was happening 😆 but I really think I shouldn’t be sweating about this shit on vacation and walking on eggshells over something so petty…
Anyway, next day rolls up and I scramble to get things packed up and ready so I don’t upset her by checking in after 11am. I’m basically on track to check out by 10:30. Now she has a dog, 🐕 which I didn’t mention - doesn’t seem to be well trained, barked quite a lot and woke me from my sleep earlier in the day but I didn’t make a fuss at all. I’m the 5 mins where I happened to be in the kitchen without closing my room’s door, it went and peed over my suitcase and clothes. It also took a sock, chewed it up and took it somewhere else. Mind you, the host didn’t mention anything about the possibility that the dog would be doing this. I’ve lived with dogs in airbnbs before and never had this issue. Nothing in the listing or house rules about taking long showers or what to do regarding the dog like keeping the door closed etc. She dabbed the pee with paper towels, and said that I should have closed the door but did say “Désole (sorry in French). I had to ask for disinfectant spray. I was upset and was banging my hand on the forehead and expressing regret but nothing more. She saw a pair of any shorts I’m soaked in urine but absolutely no offer to clean it, extend checkout etc. It seemed perfectly acceptable that this happened. It really rubbed me the wrong way. Super hosts are meant to go above and beyond in my view, and here she was struggling to be somewhat décent. We didn’t argue or anything there, if anything I was just a bit terse and we said au revoir and I left to go do the cleaning in my next place (took about 3 hours to get vinegar, bleach, hydrogen peroxide etc.)
Thinking of the Golden Rule, I’d never do this to somebody else if I were her. I’d offer compensation or something….
Anyway, my dilemma is that I wouldn’t have any hesitation going after a hefty compensation were it some young dude or couple as host. This lady doesn’t seem financially well off, seeing as taking a long shower has an impact on her profits. And I just feel kinda bad posturing me screwing over this old lady and her puppy dog for some cash. But I absolutely do not appreciate how I was treated and goes fundamentally against my sense of decency and fairness… I also hate how Airbnb has devolved to classify such hosts as superhosts.
What would you do if you were in my shoes? What do you think I should pursue? Should I ask for compensation? Leave a poor review? I see that she already left me a review on the afternoon that I checkout out. I have a feeling that she left a negative review - I noticed this from a previous guests review as well as what the host wrote about that guest.
Host’s review of Guest plus Guest’s response:
Guest, she is a polite and clean girl, but a great consumption of hot water and electricity, I am personally, these guests are not interested since for €134 I believe that as a host I am not interested , as a host I have not had any problems now, now I have only to wait for my electricity , water and gas bills, I am a person with very few resources, and from now on I do not accept promotions, because for it it is not profitable.
Dear Host, during my stay you didn't tell me anything. Other than that, I've never had any issues with other hosts. I was almost not at the house because I was visiting the city. I was just taking regular showers and was charging my phone and laptop when I needed it. What you wrote about me, I don't think it's true or fair and I'm really sorry to read that because I thought we had a great time the whole time.
Guest’s review of Host:
I had a nice stay at Host's place. It's good for 1-3 days since the room is very small and really suitable only for sleeping (no chair, table, ..). The location is okay, a bit far from the centre, but you can get everywhere by bus or by metro.

If anyone can find a clip of David Bell showing that chair who's boss, please upload that for us. Thank you

I have a dilemma i’m debating between a high quality office chair such as a aeron chair or a premium gaming chair such as a secret labs chair. I wanna hear experiences with comfort, build quality and versatility. I use my computer for other things besides playing games but only really for researching things that interest me. I am a little biased against gaming chairs as a think a lot of products that are labeled “gaming” such as chairs, headphones, etc tend to look childish and be of a lower quality.

I am a gay male and a new guy started at my job and I think he is attractive but not sure if he is interested or not. There are some subtle things that may point to him being interested but I am not sure. During our time at work, he’ll sit down and talk to me and ask me stuff like where do I go to eat for lunch and he even asked me what my schedule is and then said that he’ll come in to work on those days too. Then there are times where I’m not looking at him but see from the corner of my eye him glancing at me a lot and nervously fidget in his chair. Then today I joked around with him and told him to stay after work with me for 10 extra minutes before clocking out. He actually listened and stood even though I told him he didn’t actually have to. When we left we walked together but he was walking a bit ahead of me. I can’t tell if he’s interested or even gay but he seems shy. What other signs should I look for and would it be too soon to ask if he has social media?