First of all, hello, I am writing this to let everyone know and be informed. Please do not be surprised if you encounter it one day. A few days ago, I sent an e-mail to HyperX support because my headset was malfunctioning, they asked for things like malfunction photos and videos, I also sent them the invoice and they asked for my contact information and address to send the product. Today morning I received an e-mail and a ridiculous message was received in the e-mail saying that we could not verify the warranty of your product, they said that they would send the product and then this They are sending a ridiculous message. I researched on the internet. There is a person whose Hyperx product's warranty has expired and they even gave support because the product is HyperX. Actually, this is what should be and it is a nice detail that this brand stands behind it, but I am being treated like this even though I have a warranty. It is really annoying and I put my headset against the wall because of this anger. I threw it and it broke. Hyperx, which gives bad support, is definitely responsible for this. If my problem is not solved, I will apply to the necessary authorities and complain.

SPOILER WARNING!: THIS CONTAINS THE LIST OF ALL CHARACTERS THAT JOINS YOUR COMBAT PARTY, IF YOU DO NOT WISH TO GET SPOILED, TURN AWAY NOW!

And disclaimer: This is a personal list based on my experience in the main game and hero's trial, I'll take into account initial stats, growth rates, and rune slots, but it'll still be a list based on ME, I'm very sure there are bits and pieces we're going to disagree on, and I welcome the debate, but don't expect a be-all end-all list. This is not a guide, just a personal review. I play the game on Hard twice, first time blind, second time to get Leene, in case that information is important to you.
I have used most of the heroes available, but I still bench quite a few of them due to one reason or another(and not necessarily because they're bad), if there's a hero I never used, I'll say so.
I'm listing them in order of the Hero's Trial screen. And skip to Dijkstra if you want tl;dr.
Nowa
Is the main character, and so has to be good. Nowa starts out with decently high power and very high skill, allowing him to pretty much never miss and hit fairly hard. Later on his power skyrockets to absurd level, making him one of the hardest hitting hero on the roster. His dex falls off at endgame, but at that point dex isn't as important anymore since nothing dodges at that level. With Dijkstra his damage is second only to Momo.
His runes are also among the best in the game, Swinging Slash being a hard-hitting attack costing only 2 SP. Searing Blast Wave is quite literally a built in Crimson Nova, which, while his mag is on the lower side, is actually okay in helping with mob clears, it's not like he's using his MP for anything else anyway. His open slots are actually very good, having 2 all types at 3 and 4 rarities, allowing him to be customized/min-maxed with ease.
Overall, he's top class, as expected of the main hero of the game.
Garr
His job is to hit hard, hit accurate, and be tanky, and he hits hard, hits accurate, and is tanky. He's your strongest hero at the beginning of the game, and will continue to excel at his job all the way through. His only downside is that he's very slow, and will most likely go last in the turn order.
His runes are a bit rigid, if you choose to main him, you will more likely end with him using Mighty Power, Conservation: Power, and Warrior's Pinnacle. But rigid doesn't mean bad, he'll hit like a truck and tank damage just fine even against endgame threats.
Lian
Bench. Sorry, I don't like her, okay? I know she's kinda cute and is actually really strong, and her rune slots are superb for someone with only 4 runes, but I don't like her character, alright?
Objectively speaking though, she's a worse Leene. Any of her setups can be done with Leene, but better.
Mio
Mio starts the game as a spellblade, having really high magic for a front liner, which would be best utilized with enchantments. Mio with Fire God's Sword or Fire Enchantment hits stupid hard early game, and she continues to play this way through the main story. Post-story she transitions into a full warrior, having power comparable to Garr while still having a bit of that mag carried over from her time as a spellblade.
Rune-wise she's decent for her role, having all she ever needs, an all type slot for elemental enchantment and enough slots for passive and stats enhance runes, but overall I find her weaker than Elektra. Iaido Strike is still very good though, and you won't go wrong with her.
As a sidenote, I ranted about Mio having a bad first rune slot during beta and its actually fixed in the main release! Not sure if it's because of my rant, but wow!
Leene
I...well, if you worked hard enough to get Leene, you most definitely know enough about the game to realize she's absolutely broken. Full Force Clacker is hands down the best physical attack in the entire game. Her base doesn't tell you that no, she's entirely focused on dex, spd, and luk with very little in other stats, but the runes actually do love her, as it allows her to freely choose them, and you can choose to skew any of her stats to the extreme while having all the auxiliary benefits of any rune she wants. My personal setup is one SP Charge, 4 Tremendous Power, Brilliance for Crusader's Horn and Absolute Heal(Radiance is objectively better for this, but I wanna flex t4 rune for no reason), and Land for the world hates you and def debuff.
I do think it's better to just do 1 SP Charge 6 Tremendous Power, but I love me some utilities.
Seign
Seign is a spellblade throughout the game, early game both his pow and mag are really good, allowing him to hit decently hard from both sides and excel even more as a spellblade. In fact, he's the best spellblade for a large chunk of the main game, just try putting any enchantment(preferably fire) on him and do Sword Rain, you'll see some huge numbers. By the time you're at the final dungeon though(yeah, not even endgame, just the final dungeon), he starts to fall off, and he falls even harder by endgame. He still has utility as a partner for Nowa for Friendship Combo for some nice mobbing, but other than that he's not going to do too much.
Thankfully, his rune slots allows him to to take a more supportive role, he has slots for both Radiance and Currents, allowing him to be a decent support, and he can still throw swords when he's done buffing. With Dijkstra around he's actually pretty the best in slot for this purpose.
Hildi
Hildi has the stats of a proper mage and can be fully outfitted as one, either to support or nuke, but it is noteworthy that her weapon is physical. This allows her to perform better than actual mages in some weird team comps(Dijkstra, at this point I repeated his name enough, just scroll down to the end if you're curious, he's the last one on the list)
Rune-wise she doesn't have a rarity 4, so by endgame she ends up as a support using Storm and Radiance.
Valentin
When you first get him he'll make for a wonderful spellblade, if you give him rune of Fire Enchant or cast Fire God's Sword on him he'll do very respectable damage.
Benched at endgame due to poor rune slots.
Pohl
Benched.
Ivy
Benched.
Yaelu
Yaelu is unique. She joins with really high power and speed, and will perform well as a lead attackeitem user. All her stats, and I mean all of them falls off lategame.
Benched after her section ends.
Mihlu
Benched.
Marisa
Marisa is a hybrid with magical lean, meaning she's competent as both a caster and a spellblade. You can enchant her and attack or you can just nuke with her. She's one of the few mages that actually uses SP, so there's also that, she'll have more uses during longer runs.
At endgame with Mage's Pinnacle she's a decent caster, though she's nowhere close to Momo. She's in the same camp as Seign, provide support first, then do damage when free, except she has less synergy with Dijkstra, so she's actually a bit worse.
Nil
Nil starts off as a spellblade, the game even gives her a Fire rune, and she's decently good at her job. She's actually going to be underwhelming for most of the game until you're at the final dungeon, where you would notice a skew in her stats. She has transitioned from a spellblade into a sniper. If you leveled her a bit more during endgame you'll find that she's no longer a sniper, she's outright an intercontinental ballistic missile.
This changes her rune preference quite a bit, instead of using an enchantment then attack, you'd rather just go full missile with her. SP Charge, mighty/tremendous, then fire at will. When you have access to Dijkstra, she's going to truly shine.
Wayve
Is what I'd call a maingame Jegan. He's going to be this stupidly powerful hero in every way imaginable, his physical is godly, his magic lets him be a very competent spellblade, especially with his personal rune shredding entire rows.
His runes are also really good, having access to 2 4th any type, you can pinnacle+SP charge him and Magic Barrage every turn, and will decimate even bosses.
The thing is, he falls off hard after main story. He's still absolutely usable yes, his personal is unique with Dijkstra he'll still shred mobs, but he'll no longer glow post 60.
Lilwn
Benched.
Alwe
Benched, though Rain of Arrows with Dijkstra sounds very good, I never had a chance to properly try it during the main story, and he sucks endgame.
Lakian
Unlike Alwe, I actually like Lakian, a lot. He's a spellblade archer, with very high stats on both sides, letting him do crazy elemental damage with enchantment while still hitting hard on the physical side. Too bad he joins pretty late, would've been a mainstay in my party. Yes, Dijkstra. I'm going to omit this part now, because it's getting old mentioning him every time I review a physical attacker, but yes, Lakian is good with Dijkstra.
At endgame he's one of the very few spellblades that are still spellblades, and with elemental enchantment and buffs(both of which he could do by himself because elves and magic) he does damage comparable to Nowa.
Garoo
DIJKSTRA GOOD GAROO STRONK.
CJ
CJ is in the same camp as Wayve, a very strong character for the entirety of the story, then falls off at endgame. Y'know what? I'll just use "Wayve" to describe this subset of heroes now to make things move a little faster.
I'm actually a bit sad, she's actually really good even in early endgame and even has access to pinnacle, but falls off so hard that she basically gets no growth during the last twenty levels.
Isha
Is a surprisingly good mage. Her auto is good, her personal rune is good, her rune slots are good, she's quite literally a weaker Momo with SP row clear, which is still pretty darn good.
I recommend Pure Water for support and healing, and Conflagration for damage, so she can fill all magical roles in one character. She's basically a Marisa that's fully committed to magic.
Kogen
Benched.
Yuthus
Benched.
Zabi
Benched.
Kallathor
Benched.
Carrie
Is a mage with spellblade utility as her personal skills deal blunt damage, and she's going to do well for most of the main story. With all her rune slots being magic though, she's another Wayve.
Sabine
Benched.
Perielle
Benched. Well, not really. I do bench her as a combatant yes, but use her very frequently as a support.
Melridge
Another solid story mode mage with SP actives. He's going to be very strong when he first joins, and will continue to be so for several dozen levels before becoming a Wayve.
Bernard
His unique action seems very interesting, but benched.
Yuferius
Yuferius is a very simple haro. He hits hard. Very hard, and that's it. He's a very strong attacker the moment he joins, and will stay that way throughout the main game. By endgame though, he doesn't have access to 3rd passive, so no Pinnacle, but that doesn't mean he's another Wayve. You see, he also works from the backline, so he can be your backline attacker that happens to have the tankiness of a front liner.
He doesn't have gimmick like other backline attackers, he's just very strong.
Scarlet
Wayve because of her runes. Unlike Yuferius, you can't put her in backline, so without Pinnacle she's not going to go beyond story mode.
She's hella strong during the main story though.
Elektra
Elektra joins pretty late, so you probably already have a proper team by the time you have access to her, so she might be overlooked, but she's actually a really good unit. She has the stats of a proper attacker alright, and she even has access to t4 skills, meaning easily shred armors with Armor Break, but she's one of the only physical attackers to have access to t3 magic runes. I choose Radiance for the attack buff and passive healing, but Storm and Stone are also solid choices for support. She also has access to t4 all type, which means you can actually go wild with her build, but I believe it's best used for Tremendous Power to make sure she can keep up with other physical attackers.
Yeah, she gets access to pinnacle too, making her one of the best characters in terms of overall usage.
Maxim
Benched.
Viesskin
If you somehow don't have access to Crusader's Horn(or want to save MP for long Hero's Trial run), Viesskin is the next best thing. He deserves a high standing just for Draconic Fury alone, even though he sucks at everything else. He's okay as a spellblade, but there's a jillion other options better than him in that regard.
As for rune, I believe SP+ is one of the better options on him, as it allows Draconic Fury as early as possible, then I believe you pick a utility magic rune like Fire for enchant, Earth for armor shred/ailment heal, dark for sleep, or water for healing, then spam those utility spells until his SP is up again, then repeat Draconic Fury.
Markus
Despite me liking him so much, he's a Wayve. His rune selection is actually pretty damn good, pinnacle, arcane magic, great personal. He's going to perform well throughout the main story, just give him something to boost his max HP a bit or he dies from being glared at too hard. His main fall is that his base stats are horrible. Think Leene, but without being loved by the runes.
Rudy
Pinnacle access, 2 Conservation: Power, no SP usage, need I say more? Rudy joins the party pretty weak, but he's more like a project unit where you need to put time into growing him...or you can, just like me, bench him until endgame and level him up in one burst. His endgame growths are absurd, and he'll quickly outgrow your Wayves.
Mellore
Mellore is, just like Rudy, a project unit, but this time it's a mage. She's going to be an underwhelming unit for a large portion of the game, until her mag spike really hard lategame. Unlike Rudy though, she doesn't have access to pinnacle, so while she's okay to switch in during Hero's trial, she's not going to be anything spectacular like momo despite their base mag being really close to one another.
Kuroto
I benched him early on, only to find out he's actually really good for Hero's Trial. He's a proper archer alright, but he has access to heavy armor and shields. This will pump up his survivability to the extreme, while having all the qualities you would expect from an archer. Solid unit to run Hero's Trial with.
Francesca
And here we have another unique one. She's a solid spellblade during the main story, having really high power and magic and will perform well as such alongside her caster or healer role if you want to keep her lore-accurate. Do note that she only has 1 magic rune slot, so if you want her to heal she's not going to be able to spellblade by herself. Easily circumvented by having another hero cast Stormfront, a spell you want one of your party members to use anyway.
During endgame though, her power stops growing(no, it doesn't spike, the two stats grow together, and one stops growing), forcing her to be a full mage, and so will be underwhelming as she no longer fills the whack-your-face niche, so I ended up benching her.
Yume
Benched.
Iugo
Basically a second Garr the moment he joins. Iugo joins the party early and will most likely be a mainstay until you optimize more complicated characters. Just like Garr, he's simple, he hits hard, hits accurate, and is tanky. He's faster than Garr, making him a better version for that part of the game. During endgame though, while Garr gets to keep being tanky, Iugo's defense falls off pretty hard. He goes from one of your tankiest unit to having less defense than a lot of your back liners. He is, however, still very fast and hits really hard. It's like he took off his armor after story mode ends or something.
During lategame he gets access to Pinnacle, so he gets to keep being a powerhouse even during endgame.
Yusuke
Benched.
Gigina
Very weak overall, but early on he's among the fastest character in the game and will start his turn before bosses, letting him support the party with items.
Gigina is a weak character that makes early hard mode a lot easier, if that makes any sense.
Falward
Benched.
Wyler
No, not Wayve. He starts falling off as early as midgame, which is actually worse, but still...
Marin
Same as above. Lemme say this though, Wyler+Marin is pretty solid throughout the early parts of the game, as their hero combo provides free heal that can be spammed every turn. They might suck as the game progresses, but I need to stress how easier the game is with them early on.
Gieran
Wayve. Such a shame, his unique is so interesting, the only mana discount in the game.
Galdorf
Benched.
Riufan
Benched.
Lam
Lam is your back line physical glass cannon. She can even self buff AND attack in one move, making her one of the better options for faster Dijkstra team that doesn't want to waste a turn buffing.
Do note that she doesn't have any SP consuming active, so SP Conservation: PoweMighty Power works really well on her.
Hakugin
I'm sorry, but I have to say it. She's a Wayve. She's ultra strong throughout story mode, with aoe clear with her Shadow Clone and Sidewinder for single target burst, she's going to dominate most fights singlehandedly. Her speed also allows her to do disruption with Reaper's Lullaby, which actually saved me so many times during the undead section of the game.
During endgame she has a unique niche that she's the fastest character in the game, but you don't have to be that fast to be faster than pretty much all the bosses, so even in that small niche she doesn't really have a place.
Faye
Benched.
Milana
Milana is a weird one. When you first get her, she'll have crazy high power for a mage, while having little mag. This actually makes her Summon Revenant Army stupid strong early on, while leaving her spells much to be desired. Her mag stats has a late bloomer growth type though, it'll remain awkward for a majority of the game, but by the final dungeon she'll outshine any mage not called Momo. This, on top of allowing her to be a proper mage, lets her assume a pseudo spellblade role by using SumRevArm as her pow are still comparable to fighters at that point.
By endgame though, she's going to unfortunately fall off due to not having an enhance slot. Her base mag is still high, but with Arcane Power giving 15% to other mages, she's going to end up a Wayve.
Maureus
I like this character so much, and you know where this is going. Yeah, he's a Wayve. He goes from having one of the highest power in the game to one of the lowest among physical attackers.
During the time he gets to shine though, he's pretty funny to use. Man always makes me smile with his animation.
Reyna
Reyna is hands down the tankiest unit in the game, no questions asked. Her def is the absolute highest in the game, and you'd think her mdef would suffer to compensate, but no, her mdef is also pretty darn high, in fact, it's higher than a large percentage of mages. She'll take 1 damage from anything not a literal nuke. Her pow is also stupid high throughout the main game, hitting as hard as Garr, a premium physical attacker all while being a full tank. She's also fast enough to provide utility, if you hand her a Dark, her Reaper's Lullaby will be able to sleep most enemies before they get to move.
Endgame though, her power falls off really hard. She'll still be the absolute tankiest unit period, but without the ability to dish out damage(or contribute via support), she's just another Wayve.
Quinn
Benched.
Prunella
Benched.
Jorhan
Benched.
Chandra
My favorite dragon. She's pretty strong in her own right, and during your first playthrough she has a special niche in that when you have access to only 1 Warrior's Pinnacle, she'll be the best user as her power more than makes up for 2 units combined. You'll only have to optimize one unit instead of two when you have limited resources. While her stats or rune doesn't fall off endgame at all, it is other heroes that catches up to her, so she's unfortunately benched during endgame despite having some of the most wonderful stats in the entire game.
Aleior
Benched, though looking at her stats, it seems he's even stronger than Chandra somehow? I know Chandra is faster and tankier, but still...
If not for the fact that he takes 2 slots, I'd really, really want to turn him into a monster spellblade with power and magic that high.
Momo
Momo is an exemplar mage, having everything a proper caster needs and should have. His magic, mdef, and mp are all sky high, and his def isn't even low for some reason. He'll stay relevant for the entirety of the game, even when you have access to Dijkstra, Momo is the one mage that will stay useful despite not benefitting from the guy at all.
At endgame his true potential unlocks, his personal rune, Magical Font, skyrockets his already high magic to stupid level. He's going to hit the thousand with his auto, while his spells potentially hitting 2k. In my experience, it's best to not use Fire runes on him, as his auto already is a fire nuke, it's better to broaden his attack options. Wind and Dark runes do okay as coverage.
El Alicanto
Benched.
Foxiel
Foxiel is a mediocre unit with access to 2nd amd 4th all types, and with an average base across the board meaning she can fill specific niche your team needs. Need a physical attacker, but also want Stormfront? Foxiel have you covered. Want an Armor Breaker but with spellblade utility? Foxiel can do that too. She can even be your Pinnacle physical attacker. She's not going to be super strong at anything, but she can fill the holes in your party with her rune slots.
Also what the hell her defenses? Why is a random fox this tanky? No, it's not something to write home about, but it's still surprising considering her looks.
Aoi
Benched.
Celia
Another Wayve.
Dr. Corque
Benched.
Reid
Benched.
Shixeen
Shixeen actually has her niche in that she allows you characters to collectively break armor, which would be really useful in Hero's Trial where pretty much all the bosses have really thick Armor.
If not for the fact that Dijkstra completely allows you to bypass this step and get to damaging.
Benched.
Leon
He's a Wayve, but lemme get a bit into detail. He advertises himself as a magic knight, using sword and all, but his strength growth is abysmal. He's actually a full mage in armor using a sword, and his base stats reflect as such. This means he can either be a full caster, doing magic properly or he can be a spellblade, with access to feint thrust for added utility. Either way, post-story his magic growth plumets, instead growing power for whatever reason. This results in him having really low power and magic by endgame, and so is a Wayve.
Dijkstra
This is it. This is the GOAT. All previous 70 entries(well not really, I benched quite a few) are just a setup for this. I need to get this out of my system. Dude, Dijkstra enables so many characters that would otherwise be overshadowed by Mage's Pinnacle to actually dish out stupid damage. Without him any backline physical not call Leene is obsolete, you're better off using mages with Pinnacle. With him though, he IS the Pinnacle rune for all physical dps, front or back, even for the ones already with Pinnacle. With him around, you have no reason to use any dps mage not called Momo(unless you, of course, like them as a character, then by all means).
His equipment selection isn't important. His runes aren't important. Just make him tanky enough so he won't die and you're good. This is the only time def+ and mdef+ runes are considered optimal for dps(because you no longer deal double damage if Dijkstra dies).
Powerful Warcry is totally busted, it essentially doubles the dps of all your physical attacks this turn, allowing so many backline physical dps to shine in ways they otherwise can't(because Warrior's Pinnacle is front only and Mage's Pinnacle doesn't do anything for physical dps).
Calc wise he's worth it even if you're going 3 mages, as doubling the other 2 physical dps's damage is still worth the one spot he takes on the team. Not to say you should be going 3 mages with Dijkstra duh, but bringing 1 or 2 favorite mages on the team isn't going to hurt his value.

That's really long!

Wow...just to rant about Dijkstra being broken I wrote about all the heroes I used at some point during my playthrough lol. Of course, this list is personal, you're free to disagree or even point out juicy characters I benched. Anyway, that's my personal review of all the characters, thanks for reading!

Originally I was going to write a love letter post to this subreddit mainly addressed to my AuDHD comrades of brain generally! But this keeps sticking in my head, and I have at several occasions felt like saying something useful or profound on this subreddit in an affectionate way towards us collectively but I always get stuck on this thought, what can I tell those who struggle to maintain friends and have a history of temporary friends... These people feel hopeless they feel excluded even among comrades of brain, what do we do for these people? And if you are one of these people what can you do?
To clarify this will be addressed to people who have these issues and if you don't generally match this, do not feel like it's addressed at you:

• Autistic ADHDers or Autistics and ADHDers who try to make online friends but they don't last that long.
• Additionally feel like a burden by being present or seen.
• Suffer heavy RSD when people are not hasteful to respond, or if a friend goes offline after you sent them something.

Furst thing to understand is... You're literally not alone. I have heard this story many times, I wish you would find each other more often and if you feel this way feel free to admit you are guilty and perhaps you can make new friends who may even ride and die with you. I mean this endearingly, but I am serious in this advice, if you feel this way let it be known in the comments so other like struggled folks can home in on you, perhaps even say a couple of your interests to make target acquisition quicker and more reliable.
That's step one out of the way, step two is understanding relationship goals and boundaries... There may be a 50/50 split on this where half of you guys either have the most ironclad boundaries in the world (I know the type you lovable goofers), or those who treat themselves like a doormat for others and toilet paper to others... As in folks who didn't even know that they are entitled to respect from others (I know the type, literally used to be me, also lovable goofers I will squeeze y'all to death simply because you won't know when to tell me to stop).
Simple thing... You and and your new friend learn about boundaries and try and absolutely speedrun it! I beg of you, pull the bandaid off! It ain't easy, it requires struggle but on paper and in theory it is an easy process to understand, but not easy to implement.
Next up, you folks need to understand what the heck y'all are, what you are is a snowball, not a burden... When you run into another person who doesn't match size (size of issues in mass/size)... you roll over them and keep continuing on... But what happens if you hit an equally sized snowball? Congrats you found a friend who can break your descent because they had their descent broken by you! (I am refering Truama bonding)
But keep in mind... Don't be fooled, mutually keep a look out for red flags, you are in a team building exercise, and you both need to be open minded in challanging your preconceptions and matching them to reality. What do I know however? Idk I just felt I would add this since I don't want to make y'all insecure but at the same time y'all need to make sure you don't truamatise each other. 🫂
We get into the next part... The division of emotional labour... Ideally speaming you wish to build a network of friends, because we all have our own problems and we can exchange as much as we want however perhaps someone isn't available or present in a given moment... We need to accept this fact and in addition people with piss poor boundaries will try and support their mates when they literally don't have the capacity for it... Hence this emotional labour needs to be divided among multiple people, think of it this way... You are not a burden, your emotional dysregulation is however, you struggle you carry these emotions by yourself and are crushed beneath them... You need support to carry them, you and one friend may not be sufficient, they may be able to carry part of it however, and you can have multiple friends to help you carry your emotions, perhaps you could specialise and have one friend carry with you a specific insecurity while another friend carries another insecurity for you. This is a highly efficient division of emotional labour which may be something you can only find in a dreamland... But gosh darn it! You ought try it! I have tried this to a degree and it did wonders, this also goes for interests as well.
No one person can carry it all, we are unfortunately for our autistic butts... Still social creatures and our brains need the village to support us, hence we make our own virtual village! But people don't even need to know each other, and if they can thats wonderful! But not all friends are compatible and thats okay, they have their own village to look after alongside you.
Next step... Irl friends... What? Irl friends? Yes. It's quite likely one thing you will wish throughout this process is that you wish you had these folks or had folks like this in person. From this point onwards you should be sufficiently well armed with knowledge to take this into affect but definitely try looking into local community organisations be it for special interests or neurodivergent groups. I won't tell you your material circumstances however you know them best!
Don't feel as if my advice is meant to be your standards, and heck you can ignore something I said if you think it's silly and not applicable to your circumstances, I am not a paragon of logic, I am not omnipresent or omniscient (I am on Tuesday however, but today is Wednesday), I am just a silly guy on the internet who has seen and experienced quite a lot of bullcrap in his life and while not able to 100% relate with the totality of the struggle folks like y'all have... I can absolutely relate with y'all and am so deluded by politics to call this post a form of praxis. But am I wrong? If this post forms even a single friendship between two people... I consider that a major win.
I have met a plethora of loners who say nearly identical things, I just really want you folks to find each other! 🥺
As for me... Personally speaking I am unable to make an offer of friendship, my own division of emotional labour is as of the moment fragile, I have my own issues too, my main point is... There is many fish in the sea, and I am trying to catch you all in a giant net and then release y'all so you can all swim as a school together!
I think I have made my point and have scratched my own back enough. Infodump over. :P
P.S: I picked the Brain go Brr flair because of the tone I decided to go with to make my walls of text more readable. I know how you work! You lovable goofers! 😌
Hope y'all had a good Autism month! c:

…and then I remembered a comment I left under someone’s breakup post. It’s not much of a motivational speech. It’s more of a confessional. Never been a writer or someone who ever liked to journal, but I needed to vent. All of this is straight from the heart. I don’t know if your situation is the same as mine but I do know that pain is pain regardless of the situation. It’s a bit(lol) of a long read so beware. Good luck and I wish all of you nothing but peace and prosperity. Here it is:
If it makes you feel better, you’re not alone bro. I just hit the 1 year mark this month as well. You would think after all the other break ups you’ve had, that this one would be no different from the others. I thought I’d get over her after a few months. This had definitely not been the case. Since the first month of the break up, we’ve been no contact to this day. And what sucks is I can’t stop thinking about her no matter what. She’s on my mind 24/7 and there’s nothing I can do about it. It sucks even more when you were the reason for the break up. I was an asshole and I ended up making her so insecure, she didn’t want to be in a relationship with me anymore. I was a person with a lot of problems when she met me. Instead of trying to improve myself, I ended up getting worse. I can talk about our relationship and what it was like all day, but then I wouldn’t have any space to comment lol. But to summarize, she did everything to help me out of my slumps, while being there during my mental and physically worst and STILL loved me. I loved her too with all my heart, it’s just that I needed to fix myself before I ever got in a relationship. She basically lived with me and we worked a couple jobs together as well. We wanted to get married and have kids. Even though I had my really bad moments, she knew she could talk to me about anything and I would never judge her. And everything secret she ever told me never left my mouth. We were more than just boyfriend/girlfriend. She was also my best friend. But at the end of the day I was selfish, jealous, toxic, and in her own words “you’re not a good person anymore”. That sentence she said hasn’t left my memory. It changed everything. Imagine hearing that from the person you love and adore the most.
Fast forward a year later, and I’ve been taking time to be alone. And I really mean ALONE. She ended up becoming the reason to start changing who and what I became. I’ve been in therapy for almost a year now. It’s been much needed. Lots of trauma and problems I didn’t even know I had until I came to him. I quit nicotine which is something I never thought I would do. I’ve cut down on the weed to just social interactions (which I have barely any of especially now) I’ve finally started eating a normal diet and I’ve gonna from 115lbs to 140lbs. I’m gonna start a second job soon so I can save up for a new car as well as for a couple semesters of college since I think I finally know what I wanna do with my life. But guess who gave me the idea of going to college and pursing the career I am in the first place? That’s right…her. Bro, you’d be surprised how much she has pushed me to do better. The pain of the break up was so unbearable, she got me doing things I never thought I would do. And yet, with all these improvements Im making and all this progress…I still feel absolutely miserable. I’m ready to throw in the towel. I’ve managed to suppress my emotions the past few months, but the severe anxiety and despair are starting to kick in again. I actually cried a little yesterday out of nowhere. Why do I still feel like this? I did everything by the book. I haven’t checked her socials for 10 months, I haven’t asked anyone to update me about her, I took the time to go to therapy and improve the parts of my life that needed to get better. I do everything to distract myself but at the end of the day, im gonna think about her. It’s inevitable. I’ve come to the conclusion that she’s gonna be “the one that got away” and it’s gonna be the biggest regret of my life. Trust me guys, she was that perfect. And I don’t throw that word around everyday as I grew up a pessimist. I have this urge to text her a genuine apology that she’s deserved since the breakup. I apologized to her already but her and I know it wasn’t genuine. I did it out of desperation at that point. But even though I wanna send her the apology, I always see posts on here and it puts me off from wanting to do it. Everyone that has gotten an apology on this subreddit always takes it as the other person trying to relieve their guilt or just generally not meaning it. But trust me guys, I’m not like that anymore. The apology wouldn’t be about me and it shouldn’t. I honestly wouldn’t even expect to get a text back after and that’s fine. I don’t deserve a text back and I know that. And if she did text back I’m not gonna lie to you guys I would want to try and rekindle things with her but I won’t. She doesn’t deserve that after what I did to her. I hurt her bad. She deserves to be with someone who will love her and appreciate her like. I had my chance. And I absolutely fumbled it.
So now here I am, ready to give up completely and call it quits. Everyday I feel the depression growing. I wake up every morning just debating if this is the agonizing cycle I wanna continue. I know I can’t date like this either. It wouldn’t be fair for me and especially my significant other if I was still thinking about my ex while we are together. I wouldn’t want to anyways lol. She’s the only one I want to be with. I promised her that I was gonna do everything to get her back and I was not gonna see other people. I’ve kept my promise. But at the end up the day it’s not up to me is it. We’ve already come this far bro. Don’t give up. I doubt this stuff doesn’t happen for a reason. If she hadn’t left me, I would’ve never gotten a reason to change myself. I was too comfortable and complacent while I was in the relationship. Now that you’re single, really take time to yourself. You really never know what can happen within the next year. Life can do a whole 180 and I’m sure you wouldn’t wanna miss it.

User in my bio
I like being asked questions so you can ask me anything and I will answer it no limits.
Or we can chat about whatever you want. Just say the topic and we can talk about it.
Open to suggestions on other things to do but that’s currently what I think is easiest.
Don’t be boring
If I missed your messages in the past send a new one, my inboxes get flooded pretty quick.

So this is my first time coming and actual asking on Reddit, so I hope a lot of what I say makes sense. I’m overall coming on here anon to just ask for advice and simply see what to do from here.
I have a bff (F22) let’s call her Allison, and I (F23) and where both in college. We have been friends since high school but recently gotten closer during Covid. For a while things were great, before what I like to call the fall of 2021! During this time me and her were going through a lot ( I recently moving out of my parents house and her going through some traumatic things) and I decided to call a quits on our friendship. The reason why was because for me Allison was all over the place, she would manically call me in the middle of the night, and then cry to me early in the morning, I would go out of my way and do things for her, and yet it was still not enough, and overall at this time there was an imbalance in the friendship. ( we then learned she was diagnosed we BD) I cut Allison off for 8 months and we didn’t speak not a word. Then we came into contact again ( she texted me) and we smoothed things out, and for a while after that everything was great! Recently, as of September of 2023 things got shakey. I felt Allison would often take advantage of my time and dedication to her, and would say how she felt where as there was no space for me to say how I felt ( it was often because of her saying it’s because of her mental health issue, so I would just resort to saying okay to not make her feel worse) and this turned for the worse. In December I help a party with her and my boyfriend ( let’s call him Todd). During this time, for context I bought everyone lotion from bath and body works and got her a lotion wrapped up. ( I got lotion that I felt like was dedicated to certain memories or scents that remind me of them) She got me a photo of us a collage and a tumblr set with a water bottle. Towards the next day, she didn’t really text me but then sent me a very long message saying how I was disrespectful ( I opened her gift when she went to the bathroom, something I realized is a custom in America to open gift in front of others) how she hated the gift because it wasn’t thoughtful. For the first time , I didn’t just say okay, I said how I felt, which erupted into a bigger fight. After some space I said sorry and she said “it’s okay just next time get me something I truly want.” From then on, I felt distant from Allison, and recently I felt was my breaking point.
This all started because of a face time where she was calling to check in on me. She was with her friend ( let’s call him James), studying. James went up to get water and I asked her if it’s okay to talk she said yeah, and I continue to talk to her when she cut me off because James came back. I just told her how I felt Like it just hurt after words and she said it was rude to talk on the phone when someone was there. I thought it was the end of it, but she mentioned it again and mentioned she wanted space from everyone afterwards so she wouldn’t have time to continue talking about what was bothering me at the time.
Then after wards she called me back and forth and wasn’t cleared on why she wanted the next day We talk and FaceTime for 10 minutes and it wasn’t that great.
Allison calls me saying hey I’m calling to FaceTime to just resort over some communications and to check . She proceeds to say that she wants reassurance and not criticism. ( she told me before she was in a bad space and she can’t handle any criticism because I was trying to tell her how I feel which was a complete 180) So I ask her is this an absolute or is it for right now, she said she needs it right now. She said she can’t be the bigger person or think in an other person pov bc she’s triggered and she can focus on one thing only and that’s her acedmeics. So I asked oh is this an episode or a depressive one, and she got upset ( this was my fault) and she said no it’s not an episode, don’t bring up my mental illness, it’s not that I’m upset and I got triggered from something else so I said “oh I’m sorry i didn’t know yeah we don’t gotta call it that” but she was kinda like saying it really harshly, so idk if my apology was clear. So she asked “oh is there anything your feeling”.
I told her “I’m confused because you said you can’t handle anything so my only response is okay?” She said “oh you can tell me but if it gets to much I’ll say stop”
So I tell her I said “hey since December I’ve been feeling we’ve been on this cycle where we’ve been just going through ups and downs where things would be good, then I’d get hurt and have to open myself up again and restart the process and I feel the relationship been one sided, I never really said anything bc I don’t know to say it to you” she likes “idk how to say this without sounding mean but I have no expectations of people staying in my life.” and said “I don’t know why you tell me this when I’m in a bad mood or I’m going through it it” and I said “yeah but girl you told me to tell you and you’d say you stop?” And she said “yeah I stop, but again I can’t handle anything like this rn, it’s to much for me” and then I said “okay girl I’ll just give you space, and hung up”.
I apologize profusely 3 times during the conversation about asking about her disorder.
My question is: what should I do next? And is it okay to cut her off? I feel the friendship is one sided but I’m not sure!

I was stupid, I know that. I was seeing this guy for a few months and yesterday he told me he 'doesn't want to date'. This man slept in my bed, he told me that he wanted a relationship, he was interested in me then he started getting colder and I messaged him certain things to see his response which verified my feelings, in the back of my mind I knew but I couldn't bring myself to believe because he was what I wanted in a relationship. I was in a toxic relationship before him the guy dated was a liar, cheater and valued me for how close to virginal I was, to me this recent guy was a breath of fresh air but boy was I wrong.
The conversation between us went like this (simplified): Me: are you still interested Him: I don't want to date right now Me:why didn't you say something before Him: I didn't want to hurt your feelings
This conversation, which, is only piece of it, made me feel so used and now so many old wounds were reopened. I can eat, I can't sleep, I can't stop crying. I feel pathetic and unloved. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel so lost and I just want some advice on what to do

I got into a casual relationship about 3 years ago. We got close but I never really opened up. I kept dating and sleeping with other people but I told her I wasn't.
She has feelings for me and asked to advance if interested but I said no. But her friend saw me on the dating site with the looking for a serious relationship mentioned. She waited a few weeks and went on the site and I got pissed. She didn't stay because she had feelings and said she had to get over me. At one point we didn't contact each other for over a month. I wanted to see if she cared. She said she thought I was in a relationship at that point.
So I kept her hooked. But I stopped the amount of texting. I didn't stay after sex, i got up and left.
She asked about it multiple times. I said there is nothing wrong, nothing changed. She said it did and she didn't want to be a placeholder. So she started pulling away.
I would text every couple weeks and not say much. Why I don't know. She would respond.
I don't know if this was purposely but she asked me to come over last Friday night. I said I had my daughter and couldnt but I would try. I had plans with friends really.
I guess one of the people I'm friends with knows her and knows what's happening and told her I was there. I guess she was asked to go and declined.
She left me a message that she was hurt because I lied to her. I told her it was a last minute change of plans.
I guess the friend told her I had committed awhile ago but she didn't call me on that lie. She told me that I should have left her alone when she started pulling away and said the change toward her hurt.
I said we want to different things and I told her that. She said that i never asked her what she wanted and that if we wanted 2 different things why did I keep calling her when she said she had feelings for me and it hurt when I kept pushing away.and why did I ask about more at one point. I hinted but I knew I had to say something to Keep her here.
My buddy said I lied unnecessarily. I could have said I had plans as she's never cared about me and plans or asked questions or done anything obsessive. And that me saying I'll try kept her home because I didn't want her out. That I don't want her moving forward and I know she has feelings and I like it. (He's a therapist as a career).
I call bullshit. I owe her nothing. She told me that she wanted to try more with me and I said no. But my profile says looking for a relationship so she was trying to bow out. I told her I wasn't looking for a relationship and I wasn't on the site. I am on the site though so idk why I Saif that.
I apologized but that's all I've done. I told her walk away from what we have if she needs.
At one point she attacked me for my past. I had an active past including a few divorces which i never told her about. She said she didn't care at all about my past and she found out because someone who knew me told her when we first started talking. She said that it explained why I could be acting the way I was and could be deeply hurt so could I please understand she didn't want to be hurt anymore? She threw it in my face.
An I wrong

AITA for refusing to pay for half of my ex-girlfriend’s flight that she can’t use because we broke up, and now possibly not even mine?
I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/ProfessorBig5078
Original Posted Sunday, April 21st, 2024
Update Posted Tuesday, April 30th, 2024
My girlfriend (F24) and I (M25) broke up about two weeks ago. It was more her call than mine, but we both knew things weren’t going well for a while. So, I was sad but not surprised. We ended things amicably and said we’d still be friends, whatever that means.
Anyway, we did the exchange of things in each other’s apartment a couple days after the break up and then didn’t talk again until two days ago when she texted me. We had been planning to go on a trip to the Canary Islands this year. The plane tickets were about $800 a piece and the AirBnb was like $1600, so we decided I’d just pay for the AirBnb and she’d pay for the flights.
The flights were non-refundable and we’re already past the date that I’d get any meaningful refund from the AirBnb, so I decided I’d just get a friend to split the AirBnb and go anyway.
I had been planning on telling my ex that I’d pay her for my ticket so she didn’t lose the money, but she texted me about it first. On Friday, she offered to pay me for the AirBnb minus the cost of my plane ticket, because she was still interested in going with a friend. I told her that I was actually planning on going with a friend, and I was going to pay her for my ticket and still go.
She said OK, but I actually needed to pay her for my ticket and half of the cost of hers because she can’t use it now. Basically, she says that she agreed to buy two plane tickets under the understanding that we would both go to on the trip. And I agreed to pay for an AirBnb under the same understanding. But since that’s not happening, we should evenly share the lost costs. Since I’m still using the room and my ticket, the only lost cost is her $800 ticket. And we should each bear $400 from that.
I told her that I didn’t think that’s fair at all. First of all, it was her idea to break up. So the reason we aren’t going is on her. Second, there’s no reason why she can’t use her ticket. She should just get an airbnb and still go with her friend. I even said I’d sit in her friend’s seat and let her friend in my seat so they can sit together. Whether or not she uses her ticket is on her, and she bears any cost of that.
She said she didn’t want to go at the same time as me and also the good AirBnbs are taken for that time. Anyway, we went back and forth and she even threatened to cancel the tickets even though she can’t get any money back. So I said, “You know what, go ahead cancel them, get whatever refund you can. I’ll just buy my own ticket and not pay you back anything.” She said, “I’m not gonna talk to you if you’re being a dick. Let’s talk about this later when you can be mature.”
That’s where it is right now. My friends are divided. Most say I should at least pay her for my ticket. Which I’m willing to do if she doesn’t cancel it! But some say I should pay for half of hers as well. I’m sticking firm that I won’t pay for half of her ticket, AITA?
Top comment:

NTA-at this point, do not engage her about this trip again. You already said the original agreement was she buy the tix and you do the airbnb so she can’t come at you for repayment because the original agreement was not breeched. Let her keep the ticket and simply buy you & your friend your own. You may even find a better deal on tickets the closer to your trip. I have a friend who retired (executive position at an airport) and he goes on a website that he says gives the best prices and comparisons (airfarewatchdog). Go and have fun.

Reply from OOP:

Thanks. I feel bad letting her be out the cost of my ticket when I’ll still need to buy a ticket. Like that’s just an extra $800 going to the airline that really doesn’t need to happen. But I also don’t want to have to worry about my flight getting cancelled the day before I leave or something.

Another comment:

I don’t understand any reason you would pay half her ticket. Like, I don’t understand what her logic is in that scenario?

Reply from OOP:

Yeah it doesn’t make sense to me either. Basically, she thinks that us not going on the trip is causing us to lose $800 on a ticket. It’s only because of the random way we arranged the payments, me getting the room and her getting the tickets, that results in her losing the $800. It should be a $400 loss each.

[OOP was deemed NTA]
Update: AITA for refusing to pay for half of my ex-girlfriend’s flight that she can’t use because we broke up, and now possibly not even mine?
Hey, thanks to everyone who commented on my last post. I got so much more advice than I was expecting, and I appreciate it. A lot of you were saying the airline could do something. I told that to my ex, and she actually bought the tickets from a discount agency online and there was no refund possibility. If you’re curious, I can tell you how it all ended.
I eventually told my ex that I was not going to pay her more than the $800 for my ticket under any circumstances, and she could take it or leave it and I’d just get my own ticket. She later asked if I’d be willing to let her use the AirBnb if she paid me the entire $1600, basically letting me out of the whole trip all together. To be honest, the Canary Islands were her idea in the first place. It’s not like it’s my #1 destination. I could take the money and go somewhere that I am more interested in.
I asked my friend who was going to go with me if he’d be interested in something cheaper and closer. He hadn’t bought his plane ticket yet because he was waiting for me to sort everything out with my ex.
We looked at options and decided to accept her offer and go to Belize. I had my ex agree in writing to pay for any fees or damages incurred at the AirBnb. I really don’t think there will be any. She’s not the type of person to damage a hotel room or something, but I just want to be sure.
I got Venmoed the money by a male coworker of hers. They have been work friends for a while now, and I have met him a couple of times. I don’t know if this is like a couple’s thing or what. I don’t really think she cheated on me with him. I could see maybe her being interested in him possibly being a factor for our breakup. But I don’t even know if they are together or going as friends.
At the end of the day, I don’t really care what she does. I got my money back, she gets her vacation. I’m guessing her coworker also bought his own plane ticket, so at the end of the day he’s the one eating the $800 loss. So he can have fun with that. My ex and I are technically “amicable” again, but I don’t really plan on talking to her again. Thanks again for the advice.
Top comment on the update:

The $800 isn't all her co worker is eating...

I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments.

Here’s my story. I met this girl (we’ll call her Sofia) about a month ago. We talked to eachother a bit and one time she decided to FaceTime me, that’s where things kicked off. She got very flirty and friendly with me, and I did the same back. A few days into this stage, she told me she had a boyfriend (we’ll call him James) but that she would break up with him straight away. She said he was manipulative and controlling, supposedly she had been trying to leave him for a long time but he would threaten her if she tried.
About 2 weeks after she broke up with him, I asked her out and we became official. During this time James was constantly texting and calling her begging her to come back. He would go across different platforms, make new accounts to circumvent being blocked, and get his friends to text her on his behalf. He even was texting Sofia’s mother in order to contact her. This went on for weeks, she would have an emotional episode every time she was contacted by him. At one stage he “made her feel bad” according to her.
She was keeping me updated about whenever he would contact her, but she was very vague on what it was about. I kept telling her to block and ignore him over and over again. When I said that it felt like she didn’t listen to me. She had him blocked on most platforms but I really wasn’t sure what was going on. She ended up making a promise to me that she would never talk to him again, which she broke. She then renewed her promise, which unfortunately she broke again, which lead me to write this post.
She told me that she was talking to him the first time she broke the promise, but the only reason I know she broke it the second time is because I saw it on her phone when we were watching tiktoks together at my house. A notification came up on her screen, James was texting her through tiktok DMs on her alternate account. I asked her to see what it’s about, she pulled her phone away and went silent. I could sense so much guilt from her. She blocked him on TikTok quickly after this. I also saw that they called earlier that day as well, which she tried to lie her way out of by saying it was a different guy with the same name. I eventually got her to tell the truth about that.
Unfortunately there was no way I was allowed see those messages, apparently they were more important than our relationship at the time, and she said she wanted to go home. I took her home and gave her one last chance to tell me what’s going on or else we were done. She tried to show me but James had coincidentally blocked her on TikTok as well. I know this because his name wouldn’t come up even after she unblocked him. She then texted James to unblock her on TikTok, which he did, and then she went back to the DMs where all the messages had conveniently disappeared. I was furious. l broke up her and told her to get out of my car.
I just asked her then to tell me what they were talking about. She said that one of his family members passed away and that she was talking to him about it. Sadly I had no way of being sure of this, but then this this morning I decided to text James myself to see what they were talking about. His response was consistent with hers - one of his family members passed away and he felt she was the only one who was there for her.
So now I feel like she may have been telling me the truth - after a few lies of course. She has also been texting me saying she desperately wants to fix this and that she “can’t imagine losing me”. I’m the kinda guy to stand up for myself in these situations, and not be blinded by bullshit. My original plan was to cut her off completely, which I mostly have done. The only way she can contact me now is through WhatsApp.
I’m going to see her later to give her back her stuff, I said to her that when we meet up I’ll give her another chance to try fix this. What do you think guys?

so I, 17 F, have a very complicated home life with my family. My parents, F 52 and M 52, had me towards the end of their thirties. My mum had two daughters in a previous marriage, they are both around a decade older than me but because of what I'm about to explain I don't remember their exact ages.
I know it's lengthy so I'm sorry for this but I think without the backstory it's going to be a lot harder to understand.
When I was 8, my half sisters (who I always viewed as full sisters since they lived at our house most of the time and also because there was never any reason for them to be anything other than just my sisters) had a lot of issues with my dad (their step-dad), and though I wasn't told really anything about it, my father was legally separated from our family for around two years.
At this point my oldest sister was already independent and my other sister was close to being an adult.
I understand why I wasn't told about what was going on because I was a very young child and I can imagine how it wouldn't have done anyone any good to have me fully aware of a situation that most of the adults in my life couldn't handle, but it's what's happened, so lots of the details of what happened are very blurry to me after having learned them through bits of gossip and conversation.
After two years the police - or CPS, I'm not sure which it was since I was only ever told that it was the 'police' - changed their stance and my dad was allowed to make contact with me. During that two year period there was absolutely 0 contact between me and him. It was like one day he was there and the next he wasn't. I was pulled out of school and told I wouldn't see him anymore and when we got home his stuff had been gone and I just had a little note from him with a love heart on it.
This situation is very personal so giving out lots of personal details will make it very easy to figure out who I am, so I'm trying to keep it vague so sorry for any inconveniences with that. I also want people to know that I understand the case now and I'm not in the dark about anything.
When my dad returned, my other sister had just turned 18 and she moved out right when he moved back in. It was a very tricky time for my family for lots of different reasons, but it really was like one day it was me and my mum and my sister and the next she was gone and my dad was there.
He came over for visits just at first but then one night he didn't leave and they never said anything to me, which made me feel really confused for a while. One day my sister came in to get some belongings of hers and she didn't really seem that interested in anything as she packed up stuff into boxes. After that I never saw her again, and I didn't realise that would be the last time I saw her.
I was around ten at the time, and within a week I had seen my sisters for the last time without knowing it. I didn't get a goodbye and I had no way to contact them as since they were young and poor they didn't really have phone plans (or maybe they just never gave me their phone numbers, I don't know).
So you can get some perspective on how little I knew about this situation, I was under the impression that they would come back for my birthday in a month. And then I thought maybe for my year 6 graduation. I was really worried that they wouldn't come, and then they didn't. And then they weren't there for anything else either, not even my actual high school graduation. I kind of gave up after a few years.
When I was 11, a few months after my sister had left, I think I called her or she called me. She absolutely burst into tears when she heard my voice and told me how much she loved me, I thought it was funny that she was crying because I didn't see why she would be that happy to talk to me. We talked about what it was like in my new house and how my mum and dad were and how school was, it was all very normal.
We started to text on Instagram after this, but one night after my dad saw the notifications on my phone he sat me down and told me that I shouldn't talk to them anymore. He said that if they knew where we lived, it would be dangerous, which I still don't understand because she had already visited the house. He told me that the reason they don't reach out often is because they don't love me. My older sister hadn't messaged or called me at all and he used that as proof to say that they didn't really love me.
We don't really talk about them often and most of the time it feels like I'm an only child now, which is weird when you spend so much of your life being someone's sister and then realising you're the odd one out.
I feel a really big hole in my life all of the time without them here even though it's been so long I barely remember what their voices sound like, let alone their likes and interests. I know it really upsets my mum so I don't want to talk about how upset it makes me because I know she's heartbroken that they choose not o speak to her anymore.
Recently I had my 17th birthday. I don't have many friends because of a falling out I had and because I wasn't very popular at my school, so I really don't like parties. My parents don't like this, and wanted to do something. All I wanted to do was stay home and watch movies, but for their sake I suggested a picnic.
It was really windy on my birthday so I asked if we could just go home since literally everything was blowing away, but my parents decided we should sit in the bush instead so that the wind wouldn't be as strong.
I admit I was kind of sulky and probably ruining the vibe, but I get really sad on my birthdays recently because I keep thinking of all the people I should be spending it with and then I start thinking about whether or not they would even bother to celebrate with me.
I don't have anyone to really share this with so it just sits in my chest like a great big weight.
One time a few years ago I told my mum that the reason my birthdays are so hard is because I miss my sisters, and she got very sad and told me that she feels that way everyday, but she chooses to be happy because she hasn't got any other choice. However I think that it's a good thing to be sensitive and to feel all different feelings as much as I can, because it's kind of like this horrible sadness is just all my love for my family and the only way that I get to show it.
I also think that because it's my birthday I get to feel whatever bloody way I want about it.
This year, however, my dad got really angry at me for being upset. The whole day was ruined, like ruin ruined. We cut the cake in the night but I made a mistake with the knife and my dad got cranky and kind of checked out. I had been crying lots when they were shouting at me and when I got a headache from it they got even more fed up. My mum decided not to make dinner because she said that we were supposed to have a picnic instead, though the picnic was at 12 in the afternoon and was just chips and some lamb.
It's been wearing down on me for a while now because while I think it's important to welcome all feelings (in a healthy way), I know that my feelings are bringing down everyone else.
Because of the way my family is I have no one else to ask if I'm in the wrong or not, and I know my parents are upset about it.
If I pretended to be happy, I think I would just feel worse, because I don't feel happy and it's my day, so shouldn't I be allowed to feel a little gloomy? It's not like I was spitting on people or crying everywhere. I was just a bit down. I don't think it's that big of a deal, but my parents got really fed up and said that I'm not allowed to plan my own birthdays anymore.
Is it wrong for me to sulk on my birthday? I get that people want to celebrate but half of the people I love aren't with me.

My (23F) boyfriend (25M) and I have been together for 2.5 years, friends for 3.5, living together for 3 months. Something that has consistently bothered me in our relationship is he rarely compliments me. I compliment him on his physical appearance and character attributes at least once every other day, but this isn’t reciprocated. Every few months I will bring this up, “hey, I feel like you haven’t complimented me in a while and it’s important to me that you do. It makes me feel loved and confident.” It’s important to note that I have struggled with very low self esteem for the last 4 months, when I found out he cheated on me a year prior. I’m always met with a response along the lines of “I just told you I liked your outfit the other day! I think things in my head but don’t say them out loud. You always nitpick and don’t appreciate the things I do, it’s never enough for you!”, he says annoyed and defensively, rolling his eyes.
Instead of validating my needs or telling me he will make an effort, he basically tells me it’s not going to happen because it doesn’t come naturally to him. This is also how he responds to his parents. After trying to express my needs bravely and being shut down, I often need some space to cry it out. I feel ashamed for expressing myself or needing “too much”. Then he will ask if he’s still “shunned”. I tell him I honestly feel worse after expressing my feelings to him and don’t feel emotionally safe, which he brushes off and says is ridiculous.
This is similar to how he reacts when I have asked him to post me on his social media, he gets angry/defensive and says it's not important to him. He sends me the message that his feelings are important, but not mine. It's almost like he can't wrap his head around the fact that relationships are about compromise and no woman is going to put up with a person so stuck in their ways and only concerned with themselves.
I don’t know what to do. I’m a very hyper vigilant person who struggles with ADHD and C-PTSD from a father who also invalidated my needs. I step out of my comfort zone to be honest with him and strengthen our relationship and it never pays off. I wish I could just stay silent. I fear he does not have the emotional capacity to change this behavior. I told him I can’t live my entire life without validation and compliments, especially if/when we have kids. He does not want to go to therapy due to mental health stigma in his job industry.
We have had many conversations where I ask him to be more gentle with me. I personally think a partner should be your safe place where you can freely express yourself. Why does he react this way? How can I gently explain how hurtful this is to him without being met with a defensive, angry response?

I’ve gathered my many thoughts during the first week of becoming an Atiny. And it’s gotten a bit longer than I have expected 😂 hope you don’t mind!
So, I was actually a retired 2nd gen K-pop fan. But I have read about how amazing ATEEZ did at Coachella. So I got curious (I think I also saw some San clips beforehand 👀) I tuned into their Week 2 livestream and the rest is history. I was so impressed by their powerful performance. I knew about Hongjoong from a Jolly (Korean Englishman) interview and was already intrigued by him. But I haven’t checked out any of their music. That of course has changed after their Coachella. So I’ve made my way to this subreddit and some very sweet Atinys have given me recommendations on where to start my deep dive into this gem of a group.
It’s been 15 years since I’ve been so invested in a group (wow I’m getting old), I fell deep and I fell hard. I mean I am obsessed, and have spent the last days falling into a rabbit hole of amazingness, they literally have consumed my brain, and I have at least one song stuck in my head at all times. I have just finished their Pre-debut show (Code Name is ATEEZ) which was great to get to know the boys, especially those who are usually quieter in interviews. Each of them is so precious and unique. It was so wholesome to see their beginnings, their passion and dreams come to life, their growth from being so nervous and excited for their very first stage performance to now filling stadiums. (Highly recommend watching if you haven't already!) I also love the duality. How can they be such funny, cute, mischievous, dorky crackheads and on the other hand be like THAT on stage. So hardworking! They pour their whole hearts into the performances. Love their friendship and bond with each other. And they seem to really value their Atinys. (Especially HJ). Overall, they appear to be super sincere and humble.
Can I talk shortly about HJ (no pun intended - he is not short, the other boys are just huge😂) (And if my boyfriend reads this, hi, I still love you hehe) But this man is just perfection in all aspects (talent, charisma, looks, sense of fashion, well-spoken, sensitive, hard-working, you name it)He is such a good leader even from pre-debut days, with a big and soft heart for his members, while still being able to guide them and give instructions when needed. He is just oozing with talent. I would really love to have a coffee with him and pick his brain. I need to see more of his writing and production process. On the topic of music, I am working my way through their discography and the content from all of their different eras, in semi-chronological order to get a feel how what it would be like if I had been there in real time. (Newer content feels like spoiler to me 😂)
I’ve reached the end of their Wave Era, (next will be their first album with Wonderland, looking forward to it). And apart from every song being bops, the lyrics are so uplifting, deep, and have actual meaning. It’s been a while since I’ve looked up lyrics and am low-key sad that I don’t understand the language better (I love listening to song lyrics and emerge myself into songs)
Aurora has a special place in my heart, can someone relate? (ofc because HJ has written and produced it and has dedicated it to Atiny 😭 but I loved the ethereal concept! Wave era is so happy and endearing! I thought I’d prefer their darker themes but I don’t know anymore haha
I am glad that they have so many more facets than they were able to show in their Coachella performance (I understand that they had to ride a concept for it to be cohesive and fitting for the festival) but I love how versatile their music is. So far I haven’t come across a song that I dislike.
Which brings me to the next point. I am in awe at how many songs, EPs, albums, MVs, and shows they have produced! These boys have really worked their butts off, haven’t they?
I have found so much inspiration from seeing how they worked towards their dream, following their passion (their very first EP embodies that particularly well!), while staying humble and holding onto each other. So admirable! (I don’t know why it’s so deep for me but I think about what MY dreams are. How am I living my life? What is my treasure? I kid you not when I say that I have listed them in my “3 things that I’m grateful for today” for a week straight - I was in a deep rut for a few weeks and need to thank these boys for helping me come out of it)
I am sad to not have found them earlier. I would have loved to celebrate and witness their small (and big) steps and wins but here I am 😭 watching old clips of their first win with Wave and getting emotional)
Noona was late but I’m here to stay!
See you in January/February 2025 in Europe!🤞🏼🥹

I have a boyfriend and he's like the only person I wouldn't be able to get rid of but every single "friend" I've gotten close with has cut me off. okay maybe not everyone I still have most of my guy friends from highschool but all the girlfriends I make end up dropping me for one reason or the other. I've been using bumble BFF to try to replace these girlfriend ships I had for 4-5 years and everyone on there sucks at responding. we hang out like one time take some pictures and I get ghosted. everyone's busy or going through a "depressive episode" then they're posting up on social media while being too busy or depressed to respond to my texts. now recently a guy friend I made at my first job in highschool like 5 years ago blocked me everywhere after I asked him if we're even friends anymore and be straight up with me so I dont waste anymore of my time trying to maintain this "friendship" and that I wanted to tell him about me contacting my birth parents but there would be no point in saying anything if he doesn't want to talk to me anymore. all he said was I didn't know you were adopted. and I'm like that's surprising but can you tell me if you want to be friends anymore and stop beating around the bush and he left me on read then removed me everywhere like 2 weeks later. his gf still followed me so I blocked her and my friend said maybe his gf made him cut you off and I'm like hm idk man but this is not the first time this type of thing happened. and also if she told him to remove me but kept following me why didn't she just DM me to say any of that? this rlly hurts bc of the lying not the being cut off bc I have plenty of experience in that department atp but whenever it happened they gave me an explanation as to why in the moment that they decided to do it.

It was only almost 2 years of a journey but heck, a lot of things happened between us. To start off, we matched in 🐝. He was 5 years older, the maximum age gap that I can accept, lol. We chatted and continued to chat in tg before we give out our socials. I remember when I first heard your voice, as enchanting as it is, I know I'd want to hear it for the rest of my life. I really liked your cheeky smile. I even liked those tired looking, brown eyes. I liked how you talked sensibly. I liked how you love your family. And it was still an argument about whoever said 'i love you' first because you can't believe the fact that it was you, in your car, remember? Things went on smoothly. But not until I received a message request by a girl–your girl. And the fact that you knew how my ex cheated on me and how your ex cheated on you too, yet you still did the same to me. Not to mention it was also during the time when I had HPV, from you. I didn't know what to do. It was like the world crushed me over and over again. Hell, I was never the type of woman who fucks with multiple men but there I was, infected by you. Oh how it fucked with my self esteem. But I still continued to choose to stay with you. I know, I know how stupid I have became. I just want to mask it as 'trauma bonding' to at least preserve my remaining self worth. Things happened, we went on and off and on again for like three times? I still offered you love. And it was the dumbest thing I did for 23 years of living. I gave us time to mend ourselves. I gave you time to show me that you've changed. And I think you did. You stopped messaging other girls, you stopped fucking with other girls. But did you really think it was enough to make me stay? That it was enough to let me know I am loved? Piece by piece you built my insecurities high. Multiple times, you saw how your actions broke me apart. Multiple times, you chose to disregard my feelings like it was just an air passing by. So how can you say and how can I believe that you truly loved me when all you can do is to say those words with no accompanying actions? After all that happened to us, hindi mo man lang pinahalagahan lahat ng pinagdaanan ko sayo. Hindi mo man lang naisip lahat ng tiniis ko para sayo. Last holy week, I was ready to let you go. I am sick and tired. I was done. But then I met those pair of sad brown eyes. You know I can't resist you. My love for you was so great that you knew I will always find my way back to you, that I will always continue to choose to stay by your side. And so, we're back on track. And that time I was confused. Do I still love you? Or maybe what I am feeling is just an attachment left from you? You do not need to do grand things for me, all I want is to have someone to depend on. I know I can do things on my own, but I also craved to have someone do things for me. Trivial things like driving me home or to my duty whenever I visit you there in Pampanga is something I always, always silently wished everytime you drove me to SF terminal. Kasi alam mo yung hirap ng commuter eh, bakit kailangan mo pang iparanas sakin kung kaya mo naman akong ihatid? That runs through my mind every time I ride the bus back to manila. And that last same encounter was my trigger. You drove me to the terminal, I was late for my duty where in fact I already had things going on with my bitch clinical supervisor, I stopped communicating with you. And there I ended things between us without talking to you. I am exhausted to the point that I don't want to explain myself. And I don't want to hear anything from you neither. You won't be able to go through because every single thing you'll say, I'll only invalidate. Now I am here, I went through your reddit. I saw your recent post and I've scrolled down again to your past comments about your girls during our off, your totga that I was always subtly asking about and the one you're always denying about, how you admire her, how you were shattered when you saw her with a bf, and how beautiful your poems were for your 'light in the dark'. You never did one for me. It felt unfair because I stayed with you and accepted every dark side you've shown me. I've read and read again, and now it's clear that you aren't for me. And I already know long ago that you are not the man I'd want to spend my life with. It just took time for me to finally let you go but look where we're at now. I am finally free from the cage I locked myself in. I don't know why I needed to meet you and why I needed to experience those cruel things from you but I am thankful to encounter you at some point of life. I loved you, every part of you, but now you've lost me for good.

I would put this in ThomasThePlankEngine but have no idea how to covert it to meme format at the moment.
A game that's a first person driving simulation set at night on a stroad in an old car with your grandpa in the passengers seat where every time you take your foot off the single pedal it alternates between forwards and backwards. When you eventually crash into the hearse in front of you you pull ahead of it up the left shoulder and speed at an oncoming line of school buses.
You stick yourself out the window, take a very large gun, and start to shoot the school buses. They all get covered in large PNGs of blood and drive off like nothing happened. You are now no longer in the car, which has vanished. Behind the buses a PNG of the title of the game, 'THE GREAT TOWN' floats down the road. You also shoot that. Then you mill around in the dark a moment.
Suddenly there's a cartoon character just standing there... menacingly! He looks a lot like Oswald the Lucky Rabbit. He threatens you and then disappears. Then it's daytime, and the rabbit is on a billboard next to another billboard that contains Mickey and Goofy. At some point Mickey says he invented something (that looks like a dragon but it's mouth opens like those Monsters from Stranger Things) you get to see a cute 2-D drawing of it, then Mickey says "and I named these creatures: May… say it with me.... Maybes!" (You try to say 'May-ragons'. You are wrong.)
Everybody says the quote "I like it, Picasso" but the bunny guy isn't there anymore (his name is Picasso) you look up and see the silhouette of him running away into the woods and call out his name, because you're concerned. Then he comes charging back out at you, but I was so scared that I woke up so I have no idea what happens after that. It was 3-D with hand drawn 2D elements, about the quality of Choo Choo Charles, which is very nice.

It was a really satisfying April for me, churning through 6 games on my "high priority" backlog, with four of those delivering. Then I sprinkled in a few others as well for a total of 9 games completed during the month, slightly exceeding March's output and leaving me with an optimistic outlook for the rest of the year, especially since the games seem to be getting better and better on average as the months roll on.
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(Games are presented in chronological completion order; the numerical indicator represents the YTD count.)
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#18 - Doki Doki Literature Club Plus! - PC - 7.5/10 (Solid)
If I had illusions going into this game that it was a basic dating sim, they were quickly dispelled by the half dozen or so graphic content warnings I got when I launched the thing. “Don’t let kids play this game.” “Don’t let kids even see this game.” “Don’t let most adults see this game, either.” “Are you sure YOU want to see this game?” “REALLY sure?” These aren’t the sorts of messages traditional dating sim games try to hammer home, now are they?
So I can’t quite call Doki Doki Literature Club a bait and switch: I knew something was amiss, even if I didn’t know exactly what that something was. Ironically though, that made the actual dating sim part of the game harder to get through. I’m not really a fan of the genre in the first place and wouldn’t have even touched DDLC if I hadn’t been nudged in that direction by people who have a decent handle on my tastes, but for an hour I was just reading a lot of paint-by-numbers dialogue and engaging in a repetitive, generally unfun minigame, and the only thing that kept me going was the curiosity generated by those cryptic content warnings: the knowledge that eventually, the other shoe was going to drop.
Once it finally did, it still took a little more time for me to be get fully engaged since there’s still a bit more repetitive gameplay to slog through, but as things ramped up I found myself really getting into it and wondering where things would end up going. Overall I think it’s a very clever, unique game that provides some interesting philosophical food for thought, and I appreciated the way it deconstructs the dating sim genre even as it hews perhaps a little too closely to that genre’s classic tropes.
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#19 - Death Stranding: Director's Cut - PS5 - 9/10 (Outstanding)
Death Stranding plays nothing whatsoever like Hideo Kojima's previous game (Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain), and yet you need only complete a handful of missions before you can clearly see the shared DNA of the two. The gameplay objectives are simple. The world is mostly empty, save for scattered points of civilization and interest that force deeper engagement. The ask of the player to engage with this loop anywhere from dozens to hundreds of times feels incredibly audacious on paper, and indeed about halfway through the game's first act I started to debate dropping the game altogether because it felt like the writing was on the wall: engage in this tedium ad nauseam just to get whatever little morsels of story lunacy Kojima is willing to drip-feed you, and hope that story is all worth it in the end.
Death Stranding's gameplay - when it finally allows you to play at all - begins as Post-Apocalyptic FedEx Simulator. You'll find yourself asking questions like "So this entire game is just walking from point A to point B and trying not to fall down?" But Death Stranding also does something brilliant to keep you hooked. No, I don't mean the mysteries of the story and setting, which are still interesting and generally unfold in worthwhile ways. Rather, Death Stranding's gameplay is also like the proverbial onion, always with another layer to discover. Crucially, these layers are also previewed in subtle ways as you go, putting the carrot on the stick to keep you moving forward. Every time you begin to feel like you just can't deliver another daggone package, some new option or mechanic will appear that completely changes your relationship with the game. Maybe it's a new kind of structure you can make that eases traversal in some way. Maybe it's a new piece of equipment that gives you an entirely new approach to certain situations. Incredibly, this organic evolution of gameplay continues almost all the way up until the game's extended, more linear cinematic concluding chapters. So yes, by the midpoint of the first act, I felt like I might want to put it down. By the early second act, however, I was blown away by what the game had revealed itself to be, and pretty soon it was all I could think about. I'd fall asleep at night to the mental exercise of planning my next few actions: go get materials from here, use them over here, thus creating the infrastructure I need to handle this other order, and so forth.
The clincher is that while Death Stranding is a single player game, it's also an online cooperative game. Your primary mission is to rebuild America, and to do so by connecting each individual location to the "chiral network" - the internet, essentially. When you connect an area, the game likewise connects you to a network of other players, and shares some of their structures with you in your game even as the stuff you build gets shared out automatically to them as well. This all happens in real time. I experienced moments where I'd had a half finished bit of building, gone to bed, and the next night somebody else had finished it for me. I had a moment where I was walking and saw a pole start materializing right next to me, which then turned into a very useful bit of infrastructure I was immediately able to integrate into my own. So it's a game about the lonely desolation of walking this beautiful yet empty landscape, and yet also a game about making unexpected connections that drastically change your outlook on the world. The story smartly parallels these gameplay beats, and I found that (after the hours of awkward Kojima end-game exposition dumps) I was able to not only understand all the weirdness, but also be genuinely moved by the story's telling in a way I didn't think possible.
It's so hard to adequately describe Death Stranding without spoiling its magic, and I think that's why Kojima called it "the first Strand-type game." It really is a totally unique experience cobbled together out of mostly familiar parts. "So this entire game is just walking from point A to point B and trying not to fall down?" I mean, kinda yeah! But it's somehow also so much more than that. And just like The Phantom Pain before it, it's unreasonably addictive. When you see how fast your feelings of "I can't possibly be arsed to deliver one more package" turn into "Man I gotta go, but lemme just squeeze in one more package," you'll understand. Until then, I'll be waiting for you on the Beach.
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#20 - Mario Golf - GBC - 5.5/10 (Semi-Competent)
"Uh, n-now eventually you might have dinosaurs on your, on your dinosaur tour, right? Hello? -knock knock knock- Hello hello? -exhale- Yes?"
This is how I felt about the Game Boy Color version of Mario Golf the whole way through. When you start a new game you get to choose from four normal characters, and then you're plopped in a clubhouse full of other normal, everyday people, and told you need to get better at golf to beat the four course champions of the area: four more normal people who just happen to be pretty good at golf. "Uh, you will eventually have Mario in this Mario game, right?" Oh sure, if you manage to find someone else with the game and use a link cable to play a multiplayer session, you can pick Mario and Luigi, but beyond that all you get is a framed picture of Mario in the clubhouse office and a general encouragement from the club's directors to get good enough at golf that you can someday beat him. If you do manage to beat all four regular champions, then you get a credit roll, after which loading your save unlocks the secret fifth course full of Mario-themed designs, and it's here that you can actually try to beat Mario in a tournament. Of course, tournament play consists of you just taking your shots by yourself and then seeing a scoreboard between rounds, which means you never actually get to interact with Mario in any way. So to be clear, this is a game called Mario Golf and Mario is literally a post-game optional absentee final boss.
All this leads me to believe that Mario Golf was never actually intended to be Mario Golf at all. It's rather a robust (for the time and system) golfing adventure RPG that I have to think Nintendo requested some late visual rebranding for in order to slap the Mario name on top. That's fine I suppose, because the idea of a golfing RPG is a really good one, as long as the core golfing mechanics are good. And here I'm happy to report that they mostly are. You've got your club selection, shot types, the standard combination power and accuracy meter...all your typical trappings, and they all work. Generally speaking, it feels good to play, barring a few unfortunate exceptions. For one, the 8-bit limitations of the system mean that the slopes on the greens are shown with simple chevrons, and it can be very difficult to tell from them where precisely a slope starts or ends, which can ruin some delicate putts. Speaking of putting, the 30ft putter works great, but the next one up is a 100ft putter, which is a nightmare to use, with lines that are hard to see and a power gauge that demands unreasonable pixel-perfect precision. There's also a 200ft putter but nowhere in the game to ever make use of it, so the fact that they went 30/100/200 instead of something like 30/60/90 is really silly. Finally, there are times when the ball preview - where you'll hit with a perfect shot - simply lies to you. You might nail the shot, even in no wind conditions, then land 40 yards OOB for no apparent reason. This happened rarely, but it obviously is a game ruiner when it pops up, since every shot counts.
Still, it's fun to visit different courses and do various field challenges, getting small XP rewards for successful completions. Sadly, the leveling system is atrocious. Each level gets you a skill point which allows you to improve your drive distance by 2 yards, your overall wind resistance, your fade/draw, or your overall control (accuracy forgiveness on the shot gauge). That's great on paper and the first few level ups really give you those warm fuzzies, and then you notice the next time you level that your stats all go down. Your drive distance doesn't decrease, but every other stat decays upon level up, such that it takes 3-4 levels to incrementally improve since the others are just you treading water to fight stat decay. It feels awful as a system. Then there's the enormous difficulty spike of the fourth course, where every hole has double digit wind and the fairway itself is littered with tangle bushes that give you for all intents and purposes an instant bogey, all while the target score for victory gets ever further out of reach.
So yeah. From an idea perspective, Mario Golf for the Game Boy Color is terrific. From a gameplay perspective, it's pretty solid. But from a design perspective, it's a major let-down. As such, I can't recommend this game. Instead I'll just recommend Golf Story on the Switch, which this game inspired, but which actually got the design part of the equation right.
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#21 - Prey (2017) - PC - 8/10 (Great)
I found out after finishing Prey that it was created as a kind of spiritual successor to System Shock 2, which I've never played. But that checks out, because Prey gave me very strong flashbacks to playing BioShock, itself a spiritual successor to System Shock 2, and so these games can all sort of be said to form one nice extended family. The opening of Prey recalls - even if it doesn't quite match - the grandeur of BioShock's descent into Rapture, and its first few hours of gameplay are similarly sublime, creating this fantastic blend of excitement, mystery, and fear as you come to terms with the fact that a hostile alien species has begun massacring everyone on the Talos space station. The gameplay evolves around similar lines of BioShock, giving you creative weaponry and the option to acquire special powers, but Prey goes beyond that formula into a realm of true player expression: with few exceptions, you can access areas of the station in multiple different ways, making almost any character build viable for exploration. Critically, you get a "GLOO Cannon" that, in addition to its combat usage, can create actual climbable platforms on wall surfaces, allowing you to literally create your own traversal options as you play.
This level of player freedom extends to the story as well, where you have multiple possible end goals depending on your choices and role-playing preferences. Similarly, you'll get various NPC quests that you can also handle in different ways, and the outcomes of these smaller quests can have big potential impacts in your available options for the main one. And I should note that these choices are not just the simple black and white moral choices a lot of games use. No "give this starving person food or murder them" kinda stuff here. Instead Prey continually presents you with meaningful ethical dilemmas where both sides have merit and there's not necessarily any "right" answer. Sometimes this isn't even an explicit choice but just the way you go about playing the game. As an example, there are auto-defense turrets around the station that are pre-programmed to detect alien genetic signatures and fire on them. Naturally, these turrets do not fire on humans. But the psionic abilities you can unlock through gameplay come about by copying small elements of the alien genome onto yourself. This can give you wild new abilities that can absolutely turn the tide in the conflict against those very aliens and even save some lives you wouldn't otherwise be able to, but it's like the Ship of Theseus: at what point have you become more alien than human? Will those anti-alien turrets turn on you, and if they do, is it worth it? This isn't a question of good or evil, but of saving lives vs. sacrificing your own humanity and suffering the consequences. That's good stuff.
I think Prey fell a little bit short for me in two areas. First, there's a good bit of ping-ponging back and forth between different areas of the station as you progress through the game, and while you can make these treks easier through certain gameplay actions, there's a high rate of enemy respawning that makes it all a bit more tedious. Enemies only respawn when you advance the story, but they also respawn every time you advance the story, so functionally you might as well be playing NES Mega Man, and that becomes a little tedious. Secondly, while the whole game delivers from start to finish, it does peak in those first few hours, especially because the first kind of enemy you see is the best and most engaging one. As the threats mount bigger and badder you'll find yourself handling foes in more or less the same kinds of ways and treating the game like a more straightforward first-person shooter, whereas it opened with the promise of being a really unique suspense/horroshooter proposition. It's not a disappointment per se, but I do wish they'd found a way to keep that feeling more prevalent into the game's middle and latter stages as well.
Overall though, a very easy recommend.
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#22 - Superliminal - PS5 - 8.5/10 (Excellent)
Superliminal is a first person puzzle game with gameplay that revolves around optical illusions. Interactive objects change size based on the way you perceive them within the gamespace: change your viewing angle and your distance from other surfaces and a small object can become a very large one or vice versa. It's hard to actually explain, and indeed I had some trouble with the tutorial stages just understanding what I was actually meant to be doing (plus a minor technical issue that prevented the right solution from working the first time, but we got there). It's like...did you ever see that old Kids in the Hall sketch with the guy crushing people's heads? Superliminal basically asks the question "What if you could actually pluck their tiny heads and then bring them closer to you so they were enormous heads instead?" It's bizarre but makes for really fertile ground for puzzles.
It's all rationalized in game by the main plot premise: you are a patient checked into an experimental sleep clinic that offers therapy through lucid dreaming. All the weird stuff you see and do in the game is thus easily handwaved away as "well, you're dreaming," punctuated by the beeping alarm clock that begins each new level as you "awake" to yet more layers of dream. It goes for the Portal 2 style of narration humor, meeting you with periodic voiceovers that become increasingly panicked with your inability to escape the dream, even as they stay outwardly calm, and the vibe works well even though it doesn't reach the heights of Portal 2's comedic writing. But then again, what does?
I did encounter occasional issues where the game's physics engine just couldn't handle the sheer force of weird that was happening on screen and forced a checkpoint restart, but often this was a result of me trying an incorrect solution anyway, so no huge loss. There's also some achievement-related fluff that wastes your time since you can't be sure if it's important, given the nature of the game, so I'd be in favor of slimming that stuff down a bit. In general though, once I managed to get my head around Superliminal's core mechanic, I found a very rewarding adventure full of more surprising mind-bends than I would've thought possible in such a short (~3-4 hours) amount of play time. Definitely worth checking out on sale or on a subscription platform.
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#23 - Super Meat Boy Forever - PC - 6/10 (Decent)
The original Super Meat Boy was one of the first real indie hits, a celebration of "kaizo" style super-hard platforming combined with a strange but memorable aesthetic. Then, well, nothing happened for ten years. The designer of the first game left "Team Meat" to create more acclaimed titles like The Binding of Isaac, while the developer just kinda...disappeared. So when news broke that Super Meat Boy was coming back a decade later, there was concern (how will it feel without the guy who actually designed the thing?), more concern (it's being made for mobile devices?), still more concern (it's an auto-runner?), and even more concern (it's procedurally generated?!). Yes, Super Meat Boy Forever certainly looks like Super Meat Boy on the surface, but underneath it's a whole 'nother thing going on.
So it was a pleasant surprise for me that most of my concerns just kind of evaporated when I played the game. For one, while SMBF did eventually come to mobile platforms, the mobile-only vision was abandoned during development in favor of releasing the game as a full sequel. For another, while it's true that every non-boss stage is generated by a random seed, all that seed is doing is stitching together the thousands of actually-hand-crafted challenge snippets into a new order. It's not that the new designers of SMBF had no ideas to bring, but rather that they had so many they didn't want to ditch them and just let the algorithm show players a random selection on each playthrough. And honestly, that's easily the biggest strength of this game: it's exceptionally creative. Without fail every single level I played introduced a brand new mechanic/object to the action, and then played with and iterated upon that idea until the stage's end. Then the next stage would have its own new thing, but you'd still get some of the previous elements sprinkled in there as well, though most mechanics are confined to their overall campaign chapter. This kept the gameplay constantly feeling fresh and exciting, and each difficult stage was pretty satisfying to get through. The auto-running aspect meant it was less about raw platforming skill (though you still need plenty of that), and more like a puzzle platformer where the execution of the solution is half the battle. It was very cool.
Unfortunately, not all was well in Foreverland, as I had a lot of problems with inputs. Many mechanics in SMBF utilize screen freeze and/or hitstop, and often these effects eat your inputs. Considering that level challenges and especially bosses require high levels of precision timing, the sloppy input buffer resulted in a ton of unnecessary frustration. The mid-air attack was by far the worst offender on this, with an unforgiving number of active frames and an outright refusal in some cases to activate at all, seemingly for no reason. When every boss fight is an increasingly trial-and-error affair that, once figured out, still requires nearly flawless inputs to clear, having unreliable inputs is really a death sentence for fun. I loved playing through the stages of SMBF, but I spent hours on boss fights that I genuinely loathed. This was enough for me to skip the post-game bonus chapter and the "dark world" challenge levels altogether, and I also didn't bother with any of the online stuff (daily levels, leaderboards, etc.). I was all too happy for the game to be over, but I remain nevertheless very impressed with the sheer quantity and quality alike of the platforming ideas Super Meat Boy Forever introduced.
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#24 - Pikmin - Switch - 7.5/10 (Solid)
I've got a real love/hate relationship with deadlines. In the working world one of my primary strengths is that I work very well under pressure, and can usually deliver high quality work quickly. However, despite my ability to perform in this way, it's also true that I just...really don't like working under pressure. I'm by nature a more careful, methodical, thorough kind of person; the kind who feels like if you're going to do anything, you've got to do it the right way, and the right way often takes time. It's such an integral part of my nature that whenever I'm met with a tight deadline, I'd rather work more hours to do things well than produce "good enough" work and still have my free time. I can't live with myself otherwise. And so the paradox: I hate working under deadlines, but I do my best work under deadlines.
Well, Pikmin is a game about deadlines. You've got 30 days to get 30 parts to repair your ship, and if you don't, you die. You can also only search for these pieces during the daytime, because night brings deadly predators who will kill you if you don't skedaddle by sundown. Each day lasts for around 13 minutes of real time, and I trust you're now starting to get a sense of why I felt existential dread as soon as I finished the tutorial-style first day. If someone asks you how many hours Pikmin takes to finish, you can just say "Well, 13 x 30 = 390, so I guess it lasts for 6.5 hours, because any longer and you're mathematically toast." Every day is a 13 minute window of feeling like "if I don't get a ship part now I might as well already be dead," and that's a pretty tough sell for someone like me who just wants to explore.
And yet, just like in the real world, I found that Pikmin brought out the best in me in this regard. The game is divided into a handful of regions where your ship parts are scattered, but each piece requires you to solve an environmental puzzle of some sort. Some of these are very simple (walk over here with the correct kind of Pikmin) while others are much more complicated (use blue pikmin to open a new route so yellow pikmin can get the ship part so red pikmin can transport it through the hazard), and all of them feel great to figure out. Plus the changes you make to the environments (defeated enemies, destroyed barriers, built bridges) are persistent from day to day, so the game naturally creates this kind of "external planning phase" where even when you're not playing you're mapping out your next moves in your head so you can maximize your production on the next day. And that part was really satisfying. So it's hard not to recommend Pikmin, because it really is a well designed gameplay loop. But between the terrible pathing logic of the pikmin themselves, the frustrations of trying to whistle for your army using a tiny targeting reticle that inevitably doesn't get what you need it to, and my general irrational grumpiness at being subjected to time constraints, I can't quite call it a masterpiece. It's imperfect fun, well worthy of checking out.
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#25 - Murder by Numbers - PC - 5/10 (Mediocre)
Synopsis: a murder mystery visual novel that operates like the investigation phase of the Ace Attorney games, but to find evidence you have to solve nonogram (think Picross) puzzles. I mean, that sounds like the exact kind of gameplay synthesis I never knew I wanted, doesn't it? It's one of the only random freebie games I'd never heard of that actually shot its way to the top of my backlog on concept alone. And at first blush, the game was everything I wanted it to be. The character art is great, the music is way better than it ought to be (courtesy of the Ace Attorney franchise's own composer), and the act of looking around a room for puzzles to solve was a fun twist. Unfortunately, the honeymoon phase wore off partway through the second of the game's four cases, and from there the warts just got uglier and uglier. It's a brilliant concept on paper, but Murder by Numbers consistently falls short of executing that concept in a satisfying way.
For one thing, there's a big disconnect in tone. The game clearly wants to capture that Ace Attorney vibe, and succeeds in creating some fun characters along those lines, but the balance between funny, strange, and serious elements just isn't there. At first the writing feels like a fresh take on the formula, using a female protagonist and being developed in the West with Western sensibilities in mind. But soon you sense that the writers were so averse to the typical Japanese conservative values in Ace Attorney that they swung the pendulum alllll the way in the other direction, to the point where by the third case you're investigating an apparent hate crime, and that's simply not fun anymore. Then the final case features a series of increasingly implausible situations that destroys any remaining writing credibility the game had left.
Even the strengths of the game wear thin. The idea of solving nonograms to investigate is wonderful on paper and great fun initially, but as the puzzles become more complex it completely destroyed the pacing, and the jazz rock soundtrack repeats so often that even the stellar music begins to grate a little. For that matter, the puzzles aren't even satisfying to reveal, as every object you find is pictured at a close-up and oblique angle that ensures nothing looks like what it's supposed to. "Oh, this one's a hat!" "" "Welp." Finally, the game has a number of bugs, glitches, and otherwise problematic design choices; in one instance my save files inexplicably reverted to the previous day, losing hours of progress despite the game's own menus acknowledging that I had done much more. So no, I can't recommend Murder by Numbers, as much as I would've liked to. If you want nonograms, go play Picross. If you want a murder mystery visual novel, play Ace Attorney. And if you want both at the same time, please take my word for it: no, you really don't.
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#26 - Turnip Boy Commits Tax Evasion - PC - 6/10 (Decent)
If you go into nearly all your games blind as I try to do, this is a game title that raises many more questions than answers. I knew it was low on time commitment and that it would involve a cartoon turnip, but that's about as far as my foreknowledge stretched. So imagine you're me and you don't know what you're getting into: what kind of game do you think this is going to be, based on the title alone? If your answer was anything other than "heavily simplified 2D Zelda clone," I'm afraid you're in for a rude awakening. Which isn't to say I don't like playing 2D Zelda clones or that I was disappointed in the genre this thing turned out to be, but it didn't quite feel like a fit, you know?
To be fair, perhaps that feeling is only as prevalent in my mind because there's precious little tax evasion in Turnip Boy Commits Tax Evasion. A more accurate title would be something like "Turnip Boy Was Alleged to Have Previously Committed Tax Evasion and Has Now Been Sentenced to Public Service", but I do understand how that might've been deemed a bit too wordy. Nevertheless, the adventures of Turnip Boy boil down to little more than running fetch quests for the various sentient fruits and vegetables populating his village and its surrounding environs. That is to say, if you'll excuse the pun, there's simply not much meat to this game.
The writing is fun if not incredible, the puzzles simple without being mindless, the combat functional though uninspired. Even still, it holds up well enough that my only true complaint is a shocking one for a game with a 2-3 hour total runtime: it needs a run button! There's so much trudging back and forth for all the fetch quests that not being able to speed up a little bit kills the otherwise great pacing. Overall, there are worse ways to burn a couple hours of a lazy afternoon, but I wouldn't recommend anyone go out of their way to check it out.
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Coming in May:

• I mentioned in the review there for Turnip Boy that I try to go into most games as blind as possible, and despite being burned on a number of occasions, I don't expect that to change. So it is that I approach a game called Ancient Enemy knowing nothing beyond "Something to do with cards," and I suppose we'll see what we find from there.
• But there's benefit in the familiar, too, and that's why I dove into Rogue Legacy 2 a handful of years after having a positive experience with its predecessor. It's pretty much exactly what I thought it'd be, and there's nothing wrong with that at all.
• What isn't quite what I expected is Contra: Hard Corps, the next in line of my grand Contra journey. Though that's not a bad thing either, necessarily; just a matter of being mentally taxed in a slightly different way than I'm used to from the franchise. Don't worry though: I'll see it through. I always do.
• And more...

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Di ko alam san kumukuha ng lakas ng loob pa yung taong ganto. Ang kapal ng face! Panget na nga ang kapal pa ng mukha! Apaka trntd! This specific workmate ay naiissueng nangungutang tas di nagbabayad. Marami na syang natry na utangan within our organization kaso yung iba di napayag kase syempre like di naman namin sya ka close. Tas uutang ng 10k to 50k ang range. Matagal na sya sa company, kaya medyo nakakagulat na may utang serye syang nagaganap. Ang image nya pang pinoportray sa company ay mayabang, mahilig manlibre at mapera. Kaya medyo shocking at some point na uutamg sya. Reason daw is naoospital asawa at anak nyang chakanesss. So?? Pake namin sa pamilya mo??? Huh. Then recently, i received a lot of text messages saying things na, tulungan daw na mareach tong taong to (this problematic ngg) para magbayad ng utang. And another message pa is minumura at nagsasabi ng masasmanng words towards me na ang kapal daw ng mukha ko na mangutang pero walang pambayad. Like wtf! Bakit ako ang nakakareceived ng ganotomg messages???!!! Nilagay nya ako as co-maker / reference sa lending company without my consent!!! Di ako tianatantanan. I blocked the numbers but it kept on messaging me using another number again and saying indecent things to me na dapat sa kanya. I immediately message this ugly fella confronting about the messages I received from this 2 different lending companies. Alam nyo anpng sinabi ng ogag?
May napindot lang daw syang link sa fb kaya may mga ganong message so just ignore daw.
Tngna mo! As if maniniwala ako sayong estaffador ka! Pag eto di pa tumigil idadaan kita sa legal. Tama yung lending app. Ang kapal nga ng mukha mo! Kupal ka!!! Wala ka na ngang paninindigan ang kapal pa ng mukha mo talaga! Sana totohanin na mapadalhan ka ng ataol at bulaklak. Estafador kang tanga ka! Kung di ko kayang magbayad ng utang wag ka ng mandadamay ng iba! I hate your ugly face!!!!

So i was recently contacted by my ex , which we broke up late December 2023, who told me after a bit that she was pursing the coworker i always worried about in our relationship because they used to flirt but she would never set boundaries to him. This is part of the reason we broke up too, she went to him and emotionally cheated and would constantly have some interaction with him.
A few months after our breakup she contacts me saying she misses me and loves me, but then tells me just a few days before they exchanged nudes and had phone sex, they were going to hangout too but he couldn't because someone passed away. She tells me it was a mistake and something i did was "ammo" for it, (told her i thought of someone i was intimate with before in the shower a few months before this) and said she doesn't want him. It has taken a toll on me a lot... It's one thing to have a fantasy, but another to pursue. I know we aren't together, but the fact that she went to the guy she emotionally cheated on me with, and constantly kept him around hurts beyond. So I was slowly learning to forgive although it bothers me immensely, she would tell me he's irrelevant and only wanted me and they stopped talking..
Then i come to find out that a couple days ago they were texting about random stuff and even played a online pool game together. Then yesterday she said she "jokingly" asked him to make out to "see his reaction" because she said "when im pissed i do immature things." This made my blood boil, she was saying how much she loves me, and acknowledged how much her having phone sex and sending nudes to him fucked me up, yet she continues to talk to him and play games and ask him to make out as a "joke"... she showed me the texts and she apologized to him for it saying "i just wanted to see your reaction tbh , i can't believe i said that lolo" in no way insinuating it was a joke! It tears me apart. Because she's saying how she loves me, wants us to be together yet CONTINUES to KEEP HIM AROUND, when it CLEARLY MESSES ME UP.
Now get this, when she texted him that, she was telling me to come see her and to fuck her, yet at the SAME TIME, texting HIM, saying that. I was being petty saying "is this what you say to him" and she says "he's irrelevant" yettttttt texting him.. I refused to be in the same area as him as she wants us both CLEARLY, but i cannot put myself through that.
I really wanted this to work or try again but it tortures me, i miss who we used to be. She has Bipolar disorder and I'm terrified they will eventually fuck or she'll go do whatever. I wish she would of just chose me and actually on her own put the fucking boundaries down already but i don't mean that much anymore clearly. I cannot put myself through this torture of fighting for her when she has another dude who i will not allow myself to be apart of. I'm so broken, i was talking to her again, hoping eventually things will work until i just found this out and it destroys me. How can i heal? Please, did i overreact? I feel i opened up this wound to day 1 again, i've been crying so much.

PART ONE THOUSAND AND FIVE
[Previous Chapter] [The Beginning] [Patreon+2]
Sunday
After spending another hour discussing more mundane subjects like career choices and humorous stories from the past, Geraldine murmured something to Sam and then excused herself to cross the room to where Jonas and Mrs Kendrick were to talk to them.
Sam shook his head and ignored the question when Tucker asked what that was all about. A few minutes later, she returned to Sam’s side. Soon after that, Sam indicated it was time to go, and he and Geraldine took their leave. Kulon, of course, went with them.
“Well, that was … enlightening,” Julian said, making himself comfortable on the living room sofa with a glass of ice water in his hand instead of the gin that he was partial to.
Ignoring his best friend’s blatant hint that he should select a non-alcoholic beverage, Tucker poured himself three fingers of scotch before returning to the couch adjacent to Julian.
“Their family is the most powerful family in the world,” he argued, taking a deep sip and enjoying the alcoholic burn as it slid smoothly down his throat.
“But it won’t help them in the next life. We take nothing with us but ourselves when we face our maker.”
“Julian, for the love of God, could you not—” Realising how hypocritical his next words would be on the heels of that expletive, Tucker paused long enough to separate the two, then asked, “Can we please just not have a religious debate right now and stick to the point? Sam was just tasered! By my people!” he swung his head to look at Donald, who lingered nearby. “Whose ridiculously bright idea was that?!”
Donald straightened and squared his shoulders. “I specified non-lethal means to our men, sir. Technically, Mister Messina followed my direction.”
Tucker finished his drink in several non-stop gulps, then smacked the empty glass against the coffee table and surged once more to his feet. “If Mister Messina ever shows his face again, show him the door! Your distinct lack of direction could have gotten Geraldine tasered. My daughter! Tasered! After everything she’s already been through!”
“I understand, sir, and the fault lies with me…”
“You’re damn right it does! Dear God!”
“Tucker, stop!” Julian shouted over the top of him, also standing up. “It was a miscommunication, and nobody was permanently hurt by it. Well, maybe one man, but he’ll be heavily compensated for his injury and silence.”
Tucker took two steps away, then stopped and turned back. “I’m trying to make a good impression with Sam and his family here!”
“Maybe that’s your problem,” his friend confided. “You’re trying too hard. Instead of being something you’re not, just be. When you force things on kids, that’s when their hackles go up the hardest. Geraldine knows you want what’s best for her. She doesn’t need you to prove it to her boyfriend. He’ll figure out his thoughts one way or the other on his own.” Shaking his head, he glanced at the closed doors of the elevator and added, “I’ve never in my life met a more opinionated young man than Sam Willcott.”
Tucker exhaled, allowing the fight to wash out of him. “What do you think of him as a person?”
Julian took another sip of his ice water before passing it to Tucker. “As I said, I like him. His honesty is refreshing, and it’s obvious he thinks the world of Geraldine.”
“Yes,” Tucker agreed, grimacing on the ice water that didn’t have nearly enough bite. “He completely dotes on her, and she’s loved him even longer.”
Julian went to the sideboard to pour himself another glass of ice water. “Then let them be happy, Tucker. Support them in any way they want you to.”
Tucker shot him a gimlet eye. “Is that what you plan to do in fifteen to twenty years when your girls reach maturity?”
“Oh, hell, no!” Julian laughed. “I’m getting ironclad contracts on their tenth birthdays that I’ll have them re-sign at eighteen stating that they can start dating at thirty on the provision they’re still virgins at forty.”
Hearing the teasing note in his friend’s voice, Tucker couldn’t help but chuckle. “I’ll bet all of Portsmith Electronics that you haven’t shared that plan with Kimberley,” he finally said once he took another swallow of water to clear his throat. “Didn’t I hear her say she plans to be buried under a mountain of grandkids while she’s still young enough to enjoy them but old enough to pass them back? Plus, I've got to be in the room when you tell your mother this half-baked plan of yours. It’ll be a toss-up which woman kills you first.”
“All the more reason for me to have my immortal afterlife well in hand, my friend,” Julian said, raising his drink with a grin.
* * *
I guess word travelled fast through the staff of the hotel, which sucked because all eyes were on the three of us as we walked through the foyer towards the front door, and none of them were friendly. I hadn’t wanted them to be frightened or wary around me. I really didn’t. I’ll never regret defending Gerry, but I could do without the silent condemnation that came off everyone in waves.
“They recognise power, honey-bear, and you are starting to give off that vibe,” Gerry whispered quietly.
I disagreed. If this was only about power vibes, they’d be treating us the same way they had when we came in—curious but polite. This was fear, like they just figured out I was John Wick or Lee Harvey Oswald or something. Even Malcolm the doorman ’s expression was pensive when he opened the front door for us, his actions robotic.
But there was nothing I could do to change their minds, and truthfully, it was probably Kulon walking at my side that had them more frightened since all I did was kick one person once. And yeah, an argument could be made that it did put him in the hospital … but still … once. Kulon knocked out more than a dozen armed men single-handedly and came away as intimidatingly immaculate as he went in.
So, yeah. The more I thought about it, the more convinced I became of that, and it made me feel a little better.
Quent pulled up in Dad’s car just as we exited the hotel, and Kulon opened the back door for Gerry and me. As soon as we were situated, he closed our door and slid into the front passenger seat beside Quent.
“Heard you had all the fun, bro,” Quent griped, wearing a near identical chauffeur’s outfit to his clutch-mate. He flicked on the indicator and merged into traffic.
I leaned forward and looked at Quent’s face through the rearview mirror. “I appreciate you coming back for this, Quent. I didn’t get the chance to say that earlier.”
Quent’s eyes flicked upwards before returning to the road. “It’s all good, Sam. I had no specific plans.”
“Rubin, there’s plenty of seating if you want to join in the conversation,” I said out loud.
Less than a heartbeat later, Caveman Rubin (that was what I dubbed their furry pelts that specifically covered their groin because they reminded me of our ape-like ancestors) appeared opposite me. He wasn’t facing me, however. He was twisted side-on in his seat with his hand reaching around Kulon’s headrest to smack him upside the head.
“HEY!” Kulon yelped in surprise.
“You couldn’t have shared just a couple of them?”
“Fuck you. As if I needed your help with a dozen mortals.”
“This isn’t about capa—”
“Knock it off, you two,” Quent snapped, growing a third hand to slap both his brothers. As Rubin was the back swing of that attack, he ducked and the swat completely missed him. “I swear, I’ll pull this car over and you can both walk home.”
“I’m on duty, dickhead,” Rubin shot back. “I can’t go anywhere.”
“And you’re welcome to try and put me out,” Kulon added, interlocking his fingers and cracking his knuckles ridiculously loudly. “I’ve already had my warm-up.”
“Oh, what?!” Rubin snapped, spinning to kneel in the seat so he could reach Kulon from both sides of the seat. “You call that snooze-fest a warm-up? A handful of humans barely warrants rolling out of the nest for unless they’re breakfast. Get the hell over yourself, bro,”
“Sit your ass down, Rubin!” Quent barked.
“Armed humans,” Kulon insisted, batting away his brother’s hands, though I could hear the laughter in his voice.
“Who weren’t allowed to shoot you, so they might as well have been armed with butterfly nets,” Quent added. “And Rubin, you need to sit your dumb ass the hell down before the war commander finds out you’ve been goofing off in his car.”
That had Rubin spinning back around and dropping properly into the seat, complete with doing up his seatbelt. “For all the good it would’ve done them even if they tried headshots.” He held his left hand flat at head height between the two front seats, and both of his brothers high-fived him.
“Hell, yeah. Bulletproof for the win.”
I started to laugh. I couldn’t help myself. Even Gerry giggled behind her raised hands. This … this right here was what we were used to.
The true gryps hardly ever spoke?!
I reiterate my earlier claim. In what freaking universe?! These three couldn’t spend two seconds in each other’s company without starting something, and it was great!
* * *
((All comments welcome. Good or bad, I’d love to hear your thoughts 🥰🤗))
I made a family tree/diagram of the Mystallian family that can be found here
For more of my work, including WPs: Angel466 or an index of previous WPS here.
FULL INDEX OF BOB THE HOBO TO DATE CAN BE FOUND HERE!!

Sorry for the long post but this has been eating into me for a while now and I really don't know where else to address this.
Hi, around 8 months ago when i first started university, I made a really close friend, the only one person i could really be myself around here (like a safe person) [i moved for university]. We immediately clicked and were ourselves around each other and about 2 weeks- a month into the friendship she asked me if I was autistic. I said no and asked why she thought so. She told me that she noticed i do a lot of stuff that seem off to her in that sense like :

1. being able to listen to the same song on repeat for hours or days on end
2. Having always had to script my conversations (like introduction when i moved to a new school, phonecall to order food), and learn certain phrases or general responses to other phrases. If i make new friends who use different phrases I'm unfamiliar with i will see how other people or they respond to those types of phrases and then learn them and use them myself. Sometimes if someone texts me a phrase I've never heard of ill go through all my other chats or groupchats in general to see what people would have or have responded to similar or the same phrase and then use those and if i cant find it ill go onto google and if that doesn't work either ill just ask my friends and family.
3. having to sit symmetrically opposite her anywhere because if were not directly opposite each other (if i feel like the midpoints of our bodies arent in line - i call it a longitudinal plane - it feels like the world is wrong and uneven). This is especially excruciating when i need to start work on my computer or sit somewhere because i always have to take a while to adjust myself into a plane that is symmetrical and feels right
4. having sensory issues with clothes growing up and even now - certain textures like sequence, or it really depends cuz sometimes even cotton feels wrong on my skin depending on the clothing item and then i just wont wear it because now i feel like tearing my skin off. This also applies to if my clothes don't sit right on me - it could be a shirt I've worn a thousand times but sometimes it just feels a little bit tighter some places or just off and then i have to adjust and make it right or just change the shirt or clothing item all together. This also applies to food - i absolutely cannot stand mushy textures or even changes in textures for certain food like oats to a point where i will only buy one brand and eat it repeatedly cuz i know i like that texture and it feels safe and good.
5. once we were in a mall and they started playing forest noises and my friend found it calming but i was severely disturbed and told her that its because i can hear like 80 different mini noises in this one big sound (i can hear the smallest and farthest noises immediately and sometimes it bothers me because i can hear the clock ticking and now I'm distracted because the ticking is so loud and never ending and it makes me wish i could stop time all together)
6. I have to walk up and down in my room (in a set linear path that i set for myself) in the morning before i leave for uni and before i got to bed (cant go to bed without at least an hour of this) and also in between tasks. I could finally get up to use the washroom in between my work (i like to wait till my bladder physically hurts for some reason or till i feel like I've earned it idky) and when i come back i cant sit back to work without walking for at least 20 mins. I literally wake up 2 hours before i really need to for uni just to be able to walk and i thought this was normal because its calming.
7. She thinks its weird that before i eat something i will segregate and eat my food from "least satisfactory bite" to "most satisfactory bite" or when I'm eating something with slices or diff pieces like a pizza i have to eat from smallest to biggest slice or the world feels wrong. Sometimes if I'm eating a frozen pizza or sm i will purposely cut the slices a bit unevenly so its easier for me to tell smalest to biggest.
8. I always eat my sandwiches crust first (fully) the inside and stick icecream that have those chocolate layers in the same way - always full outer layer and then inner layer or its wrong.
9. Once we wanted to divide notes for one of our tests and she told me to start from the 9th topic onwards and that made me feel like the whole number order is now disrupted and that not how things are supposed to be so i did her part of the notes too so ic ould start from no 1.
10. I had horrible separation issues from my mother as a child to a point where it was hard for my mom to get me to school or even social gathering because i would hate any sort of party or group gathering as a child to a point where id cry and itd end with my mom and i sitting out of it together. - this is actually the reason that when i was a kid my aunt in one of her raging sessions accused me of being the reason her child is autistic. Her child is diagnosed with autism and is non-verbal.
11. I have been picked on by classmates and even teachers literally since playschool (or pre-kg as they'd call it where i was from) -> which my friend said is apparently a sign?
12. I was never taught how to read by my mom but i could read by the age of 3 and i just learnt by picking up phrases from the kids shows id watch and apply them to my books. Also my mom would read to me everyday so i just picked it up through that too.
13. All my friendships since kindergarten were me having this one safe person that i follow around everwhere kinda like a mother duck? This also resulted in me not being able to end my friendship with my best friend in highschool because i was so comfortable with her (even her bad treatment towards me) and i was scared id never be close enough with someone else or no one else would accept me like she did (luckily i recently discovered that's not true)
14. I always have too much anxiety before trying new things that i need someone there to be with me and help me along (even basic life tasks like withdrawing money for the first time or going to the doctor by myself)

Now the thing is i keep denying it even now but for as long as i can remember since i was a child and since my aunt accused me my mother would say she was proud of me for outgrowing my weird autistic like behaviours as a child like how she taught me to make eye contact and actually say hello to people so i don't look mean. And the weird thing is a week ago I was having a normal conversation with one of my friends flatmates who was actually diagnosed with autism when he was a kid, and he straight up asked me at the end of it - "you're a little bit autistic arent you?" and i was like huh??? no I'm not and i asked him why he thought so and he said he could just feel it. At this point my other friend is convinced I'm autistic even though i don't think so but i don't know. I want to ask my therapist about this but i don't want to look like a poser or like I'm just begging to be diagnosed with something you know? I just want to know why the only girl who has ever really seen or heard of my behaviours is convinced I'm neurodivergent ( i have never revealed these habits of mine or explicitly behaved this way in front of others and tend to hide it for some subconscious reason). Please some advice would be highly appreciated and I'm really sorry for ranting :)

LONG STORY.. I’m sorry.. anyway So I met my fiancés best friend in January on vacation, and from the beginning this dude rubbed me the wrong way, we went to a restaurant and he literally did not acknowledge me the entire time we were out to dinner.. Fast forward a few days later{STILL IN JANUARY} he’s texting my fiancé and he’s wanting to go out for dinner again, and he makes recommendations but {I’m a picky-vegetarian with an ED.. so?} he asks my fiancé if I like salad {which I don’t} and my fiancé says no because it’s a texture temperature thing.. and his friend goes “so basically just carbs got it.” THEN this mfer has the audacity to say “you know her eating is very restrictive.” Like FIRST OF ALL. I MET YOU LIKE LITERALLY TWO MINS AGO, second of all I’ve struggled with Ed all my life.{I’m 26.} and 3rd of all, who the hell are you to comment on my freaking eating habits???
So fast forward to April when we go on vacation again and me and my fiancé get into a fight about how his friend wants to go out to eat again and I say I want to stay at the house and relax and have some me time, and my fiancé like completely forgot how his friend acted in January??? Like I literally had to tell him “go look back at your texts with him and you’ll know why I don’t like him” and all he said at the end was “I’m sorry I didn’t know you felt that way.” But like he also didn’t stick up for me or defend me in that text conversation all he said was “I know” like DUDE you know my history with eating and your friend doesn’t and that’s all you’re gonna say???? I just feel invalid rn, I FOUND out my fiancé chose THIS FRIEND to be his best man at the wedding and apparently it’s ‘non negotiable’ and I just hate that someone that didn’t even acknowledge me or talk to me is allowed at my first and probably only wedding.. like am I being out of line??.. it’s been replaying in my head ever since January.. and it won’t stop…