“We’re a meat family,” my dad would proudly tell strangers. He’d wait for the quizzical look, then launch into detail, starting with how many freezers we had, how long we could sustain ourselves on the contents. It was just his way of starting a conversation, which made sense when you considered that raising and home-killing animals for food was, for want of a better term, his life-long hobby. His prize possession was one of those industrial-sized vacuum sealers: you could put half a pig inside and wrap it in plastic so tightly that every wrinkle and skin fold waxed unreal with shiny detail.
If we hadn’t lived in a rural area, albeit semi-urbanised, I guess it would have been pretty weird. But the mostly farming-stock locals only found his extra enthusiasm a little bit odd.
When he wasn’t being a bit embarrassing talking about it, I never really paid much heed to his hobby. I had a child’s vaguely grateful awareness that though our family went through some lean financial times, our stomachs never suffered like some of the families around us. All the beef, pork, ham and bacon in those big old chest freezers passed down from his dad really could have fed us for years.
I should preface all this by saying that I wasn’t a particularly bright kid, though neither was I dumb. I didn’t fail badly at anything in school, I just never achieved beyond a pass. I didn’t know it yet back then, still quietly dreaming about being a ballet star or a dressage champion, but mediocrity was my destiny. And I think that’s why I got on so well with my Aunt Liz.
Liz was my dad’s live-in youngest sister. She was one of those women who get described as ‘bubbly’ — not really pretty, not really smart, not a lot going on besides just being… well, all Liz. But she was salt of the earth; kind, caring, and great with kids. She was the only person who would willingly mind my two older brothers, who fought like hellcats and caused more trouble than the whole last generation of my family combined. People would privately lament to my parents that it was a shame Liz didn’t have kids of her own, but dad would just shake his head and say Liz liked it that way – that all the fun of looking after kids is being able to give them back to their parents.
I guess she was like me; nice, but mediocre. Lovely, but somehow forgettable when she wasn’t doing something for you.
But when Liz left us, I couldn’t forget her.
In hindsight, it was pretty weird timing that we had a big fortieth birthday party for Liz right before she disappeared. She was radiant that night; she’d hired a local girl to do her hair and makeup, and it was honestly the first time I’d ever seen her look pretty. She’d even worn a push-up bra under a tight red dress, which flattered her very plump curves well enough that the neighbour’s farmhand was spotted disappearing into the woolshed with her for a snog. In my dawning awareness, that gave a plain girl hope: if Aunty Liz could get a guy at forty, maybe things would turn out okay for me.
Anyway, I couldn’t forget how her pink cheeks, her eyes, her whole self, glowed that night before Liz went to bed. She said it was the best birthday ever, and that she was very much looking forward to the next stage of her life.
Would I have done anything different, if I had known? If I had realised what, exactly, that next stage was?
The week after the party, Aunt Liz said she was going on a little holiday up north, to visit some old school friends. She packed her things – she didn’t honestly have that many – and drove her little orange mini out onto the main road. And with a wave of one fleshy hand, she was gone. Nobody really thought much of it when she didn’t call, because nobody rural had cellphones back then. And Liz was, as I said, somehow kinda forgettable when she wasn’t right in front of you.
When we hadn’t had contact for six weeks, Dad tracked down the land line numbers for their old school buddies. They were surprised to hear from him — Liz had never arrived, so they had just assumed she’d cancelled her visit. No-one had thought to check. I eavesdropped on the conversation, and it sounded for all the world like *they* had forgotten about Aunt Liz, too.
From there it became a missing person case. The local cops came and talked to all of us; the farmhand who’d been seen snogging her was briefly detained, then let go, dad got grilled at length, even my hellion brothers were questioned thoroughly to see if this was one of their wild and dangerous pranks gone wrong.
But everything was a dead end. Nobody knew where Liz was, or what had happened to her.
The remains of her old mini were found halfway across the country, burned out on a beach, on a derelict stretch of ragged, rocky coastline. The police assumed murder and combed the area for remains. But even the most expert divers couldn’t conquer the incredible undertow and fast-shifting seabed of that coastline to look for evidence, so none was forthcoming.
Eventually the cops collectively shrugged and said that there was really nothing more they could do unless more information suddenly came to light. The locals knew nothing, no witnesses had come forward, and the trail was cold. As far as anyone knew, poor aunt Liz had been murdered on some desolate beach, far away from her home.
It didn’t feel fair to me. She’d once mentioned wanting her remains buried on our farm, in the graveyard plot beside grandma and grandad.
So, in my grief, I went into her room to look for something of hers to bury beside them.
Like I said, Liz didn’t have many things. Her room was pretty spartan, and her wardrobe was mostly sensible farm stuff. There was one exception: she, like me, did like to read, and she had a pretty good collection of well-thumbed books. I think it’s the escapism – even the most mediocre girl can lose herself in the plot of some trashy romance novel, imagine there’s still hope of being swept off her feet by that handsome stableboy, his inexplicable yearning for chubby plain girls.
So I set myself the task of going through the books, to find the right one to bury in the graveyard plot.
Most of them were exactly what you’d expect, but some of them were racier than I was used to. I felt various parts of my body flushing and tingling, as I read breathless prose about calloused hands touching the softest flesh of the protagonist. Okay, if I’m honest with myself, I might have got a little *too* invested in my project at that point. But that was also why I persisted going through her entire collection, until I found the ragged paperback from 1970, entitled Tawny Sands. And inside that trashy cardboard romance cover, I discovered not the tale of Tawny Sands, but some carefully hand-cut, stitched-in pages. A handwritten story in my Aunt’s rounded penmanship: Memoirs of a Long Pig.
I read her story twice in a row, utterly gripped.
Aunt Liz was no Stephen King – heck, she wasn’t even the Goosebumps guy – but her story was gripping and compelling, and I couldn’t put it down. Even if I hadn’t known her, I think that would have been true.
The gist of it was that Liz, when she was sixteen, had discovered that our family had a very long history of eating what she described as ‘Long Pork’. It’s an antipodean term, anglicised from the Pacific Islands: human meat.
Like me, young Liz still had some hopes and dreams. In one of her many failed attempts to find a special talent, she’d taken up cooking as a hobby. Naturally, with our family’s overabundance of meat, she’d scoured the freezers in the shed for ingredients: the racks of ribs and stacks of pork chops, butcher-paper wrappings all neatly labelled with the first letter of the name of the animal they came from.
She found familiar meat from Rodney, one of the pigs that had been recently slaughtered, emblazoned with an ‘R’ in her father’s strong, blocky lettering. There were cutlets labelled ‘M’ for Mary, from one of the lambs she’d hand-reared, and ‘F’ for Ferdinand, the steer they’d killed the month before. But she couldn’t explain the many, many curious parcels of meat on one side of the huge freezer, all labelled ‘J’ – at least, not until she took it all out and assembled it as well as she could on the scoured concrete floor of the killing shed. A big, frozen jigsaw puzzle without the box, her best attempt to discover what kind of beast the pieces had come from.
The animal, she quickly realised, was a Long Pig. Her own Aunt Jenny, who had died the month before – just after her fortieth birthday.
Fortunately, or perhaps not, for Liz, her father entered the shed right at that moment and realised his daughter had discovered the family secret. He sat down calmly on the lid of the freezer, and explained to her that this was a long-running family tradition, dating back to at least before his grandfather had been born.
“There are always people in life, Liz,” he’d said, “who won’t really amount to much. They want to be useful, want to be more. They strive and they strive, trying job after job, hobby after hobby, trying to hit on something they’re really good at. Something that makes them special. Those people can waste their whole lives, chasing dreams that never come true. Eventually they die unfulfilled, knowing that all their time has been wasted. That what they leave behind will fade quickly.”
His voice was oddly gentle as he leaned down and patted one of the neatly wrapped cuts of Aunt Jenny, still sitting frozen on the shed floor.
“Your Aunt Jenny was one of those people. So was my Aunt Irene.” He paused to gaze at his daughter, his next words peppered with emphasis. “But you see, my sweet Liz, they did find a purpose in life. They did find a way to be special, and they left this world utterly certain of their gift.” He stood up, stretched his back. “Let me show you.”
Liz waited while my grandad meticulously stacked the meat back into the freezer, all but one J-marked parcel that looked for all the world like a thick venison steak. He took her back to the farmhouse, and reverently unwrapped the deep red, heavily marbled meat to let it thaw. Then he laid it in the family’s ancient, cast-iron pan, basting it with butter and rosemary until a heavenly scent filled the kitchen, and Aunt Liz couldn’t stop her mouth from watering.
“Just try it. Let her show you. You’ll see exactly what I’m talking about.”
Even though she knew it was her aunt, Liz couldn’t stop herself from taking that first bite. There was something transcendent about the smell, overriding her natural revulsion that this was human meat, not one of their farm animals. For the first time, she truly realised it: we’re just another kind of animal. And weren’t her memories of Mary the lamb almost as fond as her memories of Aunt Jenny?
Liz explained then, in her curly handwriting, the explosion of taste that had assaulted her when she tried the steak. It was tender, it was succulent, it was rich beyond imagining. The fats melted on her tongue, lingering somewhere between pork and beef, but oddly neither. The flavour of the meat defied identification; something familiar, yet not.
But one thing she couldn’t deny; it was the most delicious thing she had ever eaten. Tears dripped onto her plate, mingled with the juice, the grease — not grief, but a pure, real, giddy delight.
“You’re tasting your aunt’s love for this family,” my grandad explained. “Her entire life was carefully curated, to eventually make unforgettable moments for us, just like this. This was her way of being special. This was the greatest gift she could possibly bring to our world – and because she realised that, she died with not a single regret. She knew her life had purpose. She was perfectly, completely fulfilled.”
I felt those words. I felt them lodge in my own belly, settling uncomfortably deep. I knew Aunt Liz, probably better than anyone else in the family. I’d seen how fucking happy she’d been on her fortieth, how goddamn fulfilled she was, despite apparently being a *nobody* and achieving *nothing*. Somehow, in the space of a single day, she had gone from being a forgettable background character to becoming the *main character*, immortalising herself in our family’s history with her sacrifice. Quite literally becoming part of all of us, forever.
I went to the killing shed after I finished with the book. I looked inside the freezers.
But there were no vacuum-sealed packages labelled ‘L’, no matter how deep I dug into the frozen stacks of plastic-wrapped flesh. Panicked now, not sure if I wanted to connect all the dots or unconnect them, I tried to think back over the last few months, recall any meals that had been unusually good. A few Sundays ago, we’d had a stew that really hit the spot and left me craving more. And I realised that the family had a really good night that night; my brothers behaved themselves, my parents didn’t fight, and grandma and grandad had been there. Hadn’t they looked far more… expectant than they should have?
I strained my brain, trying to recall if I’d seen the homekill bag on the kitchen bench – if I’d registered what letter it was. I knew it wasn’t an L. I would have remembered if it was an L.
And then it hit me, the memory, the connection, sizzling as if branded with a hot iron.
It had been an ‘E’.
E for Elizabeth. Not for Edward the pig.
I snorted at my own stupidity – of *course* Liz was short for Elizabeth – and as I comprehended my lack of smarts, I felt something give inside me.
I wasn’t clever, and nothing, nothing would ever make me smart. I had no big talents. I wasn’t beautiful, or even cute – and even if I had a million plastic surgeries, it still wouldn’t fulfill me. It wouldn’t be real.
I was a Liz.
I was a Jenny.
I was whoever the first aunt had been, the aunt who had dedicated her life to making her flesh as delicious as possible, who had worked every damn minute to be the best Long Pig she could ever be.
I wondered how many magical family evenings had been spent eating Aunt Jenny. How many glorious, satisfying, memorable dishes had been made out of her.
And… I wanted that. I wanted to finally know I had a *purpose* in life. One so simple, and so easy to achieve.
I wanted what Aunt Liz had.
***
It's my fortieth birthday today and I’m so fucking excited. For the last twenty-four years, I’ve dedicated myself to this moment; I’ve eaten exactly what I needed to, I’ve exercised just enough, but not too much, to maintain that perfect balance of marbling vs tenderness. I’ve relaxed and meditated to keep all those amazing flavours inside of me. I’ve researched all the greatest meats in the world, from prime Angus beef to A5 Wagyu. I really think I may have outdone myself.
I’m having my hair and makeup done at the local salon this afternoon, and I’m going to look so pretty; all prize piggy on show at the fair. I’m even going to have a big red ribbon in my hair, in memory of Aunt Liz.
Maybe there’ll be a cute boy I can snog in the wool shed, maybe there won’t – I don’t really care; because the most important, most certain thing is that I’m going to be the most delicious Long Pig in the history of our entire family.
I’m going to make everyone so damn happy, and I’m just so glad I can share my story with you all, instead of hiding it in a grubby book like poor Aunt Liz.
My only real disappointment? That you won’t get to taste me.
Reader, I have loved, loved my life. My Long Pork will be out of this world: once tasted, never, ever forgotten.

Backstory: My wife, kids and I left the church last year and my ultra TBM parents are still coming to grips with me throwing away my celestial blessings. We see them yearly and this last weekend was our first face-to-face since I let them know. (We live well outside Moridor, they relish life within the Utah Valley bubble)
There were fireworks. Mother asked inappropriately-prying Mormon questions regarding the kids relationships with their girlfriends and my wife and I let her know she had overstepped her bounds. Father accused me of inviting the spirit of contention. They tried to leave, I convinced them to stay. Yada, yada, yada... normal stuff.
Early the next morning, I drafted them an email explaining why the situation struck a nerve with me. I don't want my children to experience the immense guilt and shame I went through, and I told my parents that there was a time I was suicidal. All because of "sexual sin' due to having masturbated as a teen and my relapses meant that I was no longer fit to be alive. (Grandma had given me the Gospel Library when I turned 12 and I had read Miracle of Forgiveness around age 13. Nevertheless, my scrupulosity meant that I took those books and the teachings very seriously.) The email contained about 10 quotes, from MoF and other sources, all stating that it's better to be dead than to be unchaste. I also sent Alma 39:5
The email response I got was "Sorry, I had no idea you struggled with that sin".
What!?! Of course I went on (in person) to explain they had missed the point if they thought my sin was the problem. I explained that no organization should have its volunteers asking kids about their deeply personal activities etc. That I had written a letter to her saying goodbye to the world because of an ideal that is still being taught today never fazed my mother. That I wouldn't be here if the Gospel Library's "truth" were enacted never penetrated their thought stopping abilities. I went on to explain that these topics are not any organization's business regardless of what the handbook states. They actually agreed but said that the points I brought up are all in the past and I need to let it go, because I didn't go through with it and the church doesn't do that any longer. Ugh!
Still, I think the only thing my mother heard is that her son masturbated and she was shocked by what a horrible sin had been committed in her home.

If you’d like to add an event to our calendar, submit an event here. Please check with the event organizers to see if events change due to weather. Have a great week!
See the full weekly calendar on our website.

Noteworthy Events

The Lion King at DPAC

• Winner of six Tony Awards®, including Best Musical, this landmark musical event brings together one of the most imaginative creative teams on Broadway.
• Wed, May 15 - Sun, June 9
• $29.50+

Durham Bulls vs Memphis at Durham Bulls Athletic Park

• Tue, May 21 - Sun, May 26
• $10+

The Patio Dance Parties : Clueless Fridays at Unscripted Durham

• Every Friday night head up to the rooftop at Unscripted Durham to swim, dance, and gather with throwback 90's jams and killer cocktails.
• 6-10 p.m.
• Rooftop is 21+
• Free admission

Taste of Soul NC at Durham Central Park

• Food & Merchant Vendor Rodeo happening at Durham Central Park.
• There will be something for everyone including a DJ, bounce houses and axe throwing.
• Sat, May 25
• 3-8 p.m.
• Free admission

Durham Underground Market at Durham Central Park

• Enjoy this monthly series featuring new bands every month from Oak City Music Collective, 45+ local vendors, food trucks, workshops by Joy Worthy Co, beewine/bubbly from The Glass Jug and more!
• Sun, May 26
• 11 a.m. - 3 p.m.
• Free admission

Sweet Tea: A Sunday Tea Dance Presented by Stormie Daie! at The Velvet Hippo Bar & Lounge

• Take your holiday long weekend to the next level with performances inside and out by Alex Thee Rabbit, Santos, G-Clef, and Stormie herself — featuring beats by Jorden The DJ.
• Sun, May 26
• 4-6 p.m.
• 21+ event
• Free admission

Multi-Day Events

Historic Buildings Open House at West Point on the Eno Park

• Enjoy a look inside the historic McCown-Mangum House, Photography Museum, and Mill.
• Sat, May 25 and Sun, May 26
• 10 a.m. - 2 p.m.
• Free admission

Movies at The Carolina Theatre

• Ponyo
• Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga
• The Searchers & 3:10 to Yuma
• Dawn of the Dead
• The Best Years of Our Lives

Monday, May 20

9:30 a.m.
Discovery Paddle at Eno River
2 p.m.
Board Game Night at The Glass Jug in Downtown Durham
5 p.m.
Arts & Drafts at Fullsteam Brewery
6 p.m.
Disc Golf Putting League at The Glass Jug in RTP
6:30 p.m.
Silent Book Club at DSSOLVR Durham
Trivia Night at Ponysaurus Brewing Company
7 p.m.
We Still Skating Adult Skate Class at Durty Bull Brewing Brewing Company
Community Board Game Night at Moon Dog Meadery
8 p.m.
Monsoon at Rubies on Five Points

Tuesday, May 21

Events at Boxyard RTP

• 5:30-6:30 p.m. - Boxyard Run Club
• 6-7:45 p.m. - Music Bingo
• 6-7 p.m. - Book Club: Genre Challenge

Events at Durty Bull Brewing Brewing Company

• 12-8 p.m. - Food Truck: Mike's Vegan Cookout
• 7-9 p.m. - Bull City Beer Runners Run Club

Events at The Glass Jug Beer Lab in Downtown Durham

• 5:45-6:30 p.m. - Community Fitness Classes with YMCA
• 6-8 p.m. - Music Bingo

Events at The Glass Jug Beer Lab in RTP

• 6-8 p.m. - The Glass Jog Run Club
• 6-9 p.m. - Stitch & Sip

5:30 p.m.
Thomas Taylor's Third Tuesday Jam: The Music of Dizzy Gillespie at Sharp 9 Gallery
6 p.m.
Queer Talent Show at Arcana
Pints & Pups at Ponysaurus Brewing Company
Bring Your Own Vinyl with Jaffar at Rubies on Five Points
Dancing With The Carolina Stars Fundraiser at The Carolina Theatre
Women on the Wall at Triangle Rock Club - Durham
6:30 p.m.
Trivia at Durham Food Hall
6:35 p.m.
Durham Bulls vs Memphis at Durham Bulls Athletic Park
7 p.m.
Trivia at Beer Study Durham
King Trivia Tuesdays at Boxcar Bar + Arcade
Not Rocket Science Trivia at DSSOLVR Durham
Tuesday Blues Jam at The Blue Note Grill
7:30 p.m.
Eloquent Soul - Open Mic Night hosted by Dasan Ahanu at Missy Lane's Assembly Room
8 p.m.
Jeremy 'Bean' Clemons Trio at Kingfisher
Julia Holter at Motorco Music Hall

Wednesday, May 22

Events at Boxcar Bar + Arcade

• 7-9 p.m. - Monthly Pinball Tournament
• 8-10 p.m. - Air Hockey Tournament

Events at Boxyard RTP

• 12-2 p.m. - Hear & There: Daniel Delorenzo
• 5:30-8:30 p.m. - Game Night

Events at ZincHouse Winery & Brewery

• 7-8 p.m. - Signature Wine Tasting
• 7-8:30 p.m. - Laughs Comedy Night

2 p.m.
Film Screening — "Temple Grandin" at Durham County Main Library
3 p.m.
Durham Farmers’ Market at Durham Central Park
Seeing Without Eyes: Walking the Tightrope between Doubt and Belief at Rhine Research Center ~ Online
4 p.m.
Whiskey Wednesdays at Alley Twenty Six
5 p.m.
Free Wednesday Wine Tasting at Beer Study Durham
5:30 p.m.
"Take Tea Like a Bridgerton" Experience at JB Duke Hotel
6 p.m.
Figure Drawing and Tarot with Heiltje at Arcana
6:30 p.m.
Trivia Night with Pickle at The Glass Jug Beer Lab in RTP
6:35 p.m.
Durham Bulls vs Memphis at Durham Bulls Athletic Park
7 p.m.
My Hero Academia TCG Girl Power Prerelease at Atomic Empire
Hammered Trivia at Hi-Wire Brewing
Karaoke Night at Mavericks Smokehouse
Music Bingo at Ponysaurus Brewing Company
Brett Chambers Open Mic at The Blue Note Grill
8 p.m.
Trivia Night at Bull McCabe's
Karaoke at Moon Dog Meadery
Queer Country Night w/ Line Dancing + Country Karaoke at The Pinhook
10 p.m.
World Goth Day All Vinyl Dance Party at Rubies on Five Points

Thursday, May 23

Events at Durty Bull Brewing Brewing Company

• 12-8 p.m. -Food Truck: Mike's Vegan Cookout
• 7-9 p.m. - Thursday Trivia with Nick

12 p.m.
Taking Back Thursday: Mysti Mayhem at Boxyard RTP
1 p.m.
Botany Spotlight: Bamboo at Sarah P. Duke Gardens
Meet the Keepers at Sarah P. Duke Gardens
3 p.m.
Guided Museum Tour at 21c Museum Hotels Durham
5 p.m.
Night Market at American Tobacco Campus
Thirsty Thursdays at Dashi
5:30 p.m.
World Turtle Day Celebration at Piedmont Wildlife Center
Walking Club with Bull City Strollers at The Glass Jug Beer Lab in Downtown Durham
6 p.m.
Dyke Night and Tarot with Rene at Arcana
Dungeons n' Drafts at DSSOLVR Durham
Vinyl Night with DJ Deckades at Gizmo Brew Works
“Rhythms of the Rumba” Dance Class at Washington Duke Inn & Golf Club
6:15 p.m.
Pony Run at Ponysaurus Brewing Company
6:30 p.m.
Line Dance Classes at Mystic Farm and Distillery
Sacred Traditions: Exploring African-Based Spirituality at Nasher Museum of Art at Duke University
Boulders & Brews Meetup at Triangle Rock Club - Durham
DIY Charcuterie Class at Weldon Mills Distillery
6:35 p.m.
Durham Bulls vs Memphis at Durham Bulls Athletic Park
7 p.m.
Trivia Night at Beer Tooth Taproom
Bring Your Own Vinyl Night at Congress Social Bar
Sound Bath at Duke Memorial United Methodist Church
Summer Jazz Jam (Curated by Al Strong) at Missy Lane's Assembly Room
Community Board Game Night at Moon Dog Meadery
Periodic Tables: Beyond HIPAA – Mental Health Apps, Health Data, And Privacy at Motorco Music Hall
7:30 p.m.
Trivia Night with Big Slow Tom at Clouds Brewing Brightleaf Square
8 p.m.
Weekly Single Mingle at Boxcar Bar + Arcade
Trivia at Fullsteam Brewery
Megayacht / Hypnic Jerk at The Pinhook
9:30 p.m.
Karaoke Night at The Tavern

Friday, May 24

Events at Durty Bull Brewing Company

• 5-9 p.m. - Food Truck: Weizzie's Country Kitchen
• 8-11 p.m. - Open Mic Stand-up Comedy

10 a.m.
Tasting at Ten at Counter Culture Coffee
12 p.m.
Co-Working Social at The Glass Jug Beer Lab in Downtown Durham
5 p.m.
Food Truck Friday at The Glass Jug Beer Lab in RTP
5:30 p.m.
Friday Night Live: Emily Musolino at Boxyard RTP
6 p.m.
Jo & Lee Tarot with Emily at Arcana
Friday Night Makes at Durham Arts Council
Yonder at The Blue Note Grill
The Patio Dance Parties : Clueless Fridays at Unscripted Durham
6:35 p.m.
Durham Bulls vs Memphis at Durham Bulls Athletic Park
7 p.m.
Negativland + Sue-C Present "We Can Really Feel Like We're Here" at Motorco Music Hall
Tim Wells & Les Bons Temps — Cajun Dance Party at Succotash Southern & Creole Kitchen
7:30 p.m.
Recital: Spring Star-tacular at Barriskill Dance Theatre School
Members-Only Rose` Party at Missy Lane's Assembly Room
Keith Waters/Jon Metzger Quartet at Sharp 9 Gallery
8 p.m.
Stereo Reveries at DSSOLVR Durham
Karaoke! at Fullsteam Brewery
9 p.m.
Hush Hush at Mettlesome
Leo Album Release Party! at Moon Dog Meadery
Lip Sync 4 Ur Life + PHK Karaoke at The Pinhook

Saturday, May 25

Events at Atomic Empire

• 11 a.m. - Kings of War GT: Carolina Cryptid 2024
• 5:30 p.m. - Flesh and Blood: Part the Mistveil Prerelease

Events at Boxyard RTP

• 10-11 a.m. - Drag Story Hour
• 11:30 a.m. - 2:30 p.m. - Saturdaze: DJ k.ward
• 11:30 a.m. - 2:30 p.m. - Disco Differences: PopUp
• 12-2 p.m. - Cartoon Artist Pop-Up

Events at Durty Bull Brewing Company

• 1-8 p.m. - Food Truck: Lobster Dogs
• 1-6 p.m. - Art Day!

Distillery Tours and Tastings at Liberty & Plenty

• Every Saturday, 10-10:30 a.m. and 11-11:30 a.m.

Events at Mettlesome

• 7:30-8 p.m. - Bull City Press Presents
• 8-9 p.m. - Golden Age
• 9-10:30 p.m. - Secret Society Showcase

Events at Moon Dog Meadery

• 1-2 p.m. - Improv Jam
• 8-11 p.m. - A Metal Show: Bunker Hill Bloodbath, No Falks Given, Demiurge, Alpha Strain
• 8 p.m. - 12 a.m. - Outside: CoLaB on Fire

Events at The Blue Note Grill

• 3 p.m. - CHHS Mini-55th with the Reunion Band
• 7:30 p.m. - 8-Track Minds

Guided Walking Tours with Triangle Adventures

• 2 p.m. - Downtown Durham Walking Tour
• 4 p.m. - Durham African American History Tour
• 6 p.m. - Downtown Durham True Crime Tour

8 a.m.
Durham Farmers' Market at Durham Central Park
parkrun Durham at Southern Boundaries Park
9 a.m.
South Durham Farmers' Market at Greenwood Commons Shopping Center
9:30 a.m.
Women's Introduction to Standup Paddleboarding at Falls Lake
10 a.m.
Party for the Planet at Museum of Life and Science
Flower Portraits at Sarah P. Duke Gardens
12 p.m.
Crafternoons at Gizmo Brew Works
3 p.m.
Taste of Soul NC at Durham Central Park
4 p.m.
Mystic Medieval Knights at Mystic Farm & Distillery
5 p.m.
Opening Reception - Renzo Ortega "Acts of Serenity" at Craven Allen Gallery
6 p.m.
Tarot with Heiltje at Arcana
Doodle Jam at Lonerider Distillery and Taproom
6:30 p.m.
Blackhawk Quintet at Missy Lane's Assembly Room
6:35 p.m.
Durham Bulls vs Memphis at Durham Bulls Athletic Park
7 p.m.
The Lofi Lounge at American Underground
7:15 p.m.
Sunset Float at Falls Lake
7:30 p.m.
Full Moon Fever Bike Ride at American Tobacco Trail
Recital: Spring Star-tacular at Barriskill Dance Theatre School
MOSS: Theo Bleckmann, Peter Eldridge, Lauren Kinhan, Jo Lawry, Kate McGarry at Sharp 9 Gallery
9 p.m.
Blackhawk Quintet at Missy Lane's Assembly Room
Boston 168 at The Fruit
10 p.m.
House of Black Dance Party at The Pinhook

Sunday, May 26

10 a.m.
Jazz Brunch at Lula & Sadie's
10:30 a.m.
Al Strong Presents Jazz Brunch at Alley Twenty Six
11 a.m.
Durham Underground Market at Durham Central Park
12 p.m.
One Piece TCG Tournament at Atomic Empire
Sunday Dollar Bin Sale for Charity at Rumors Durham
Farmers Market at ZincHouse Winery & Brewery
12:15 p.m.
Public Tour at Duke Chapel
2 p.m.
Soul Sunday w/ DJ Soul at Congress Social Bar
Hammered Trivia with Casey at Durty Bull Brewing Company
Hillandale Golf Beginner Clinic at Hillandale Golf Course
4 p.m.
IAR Adopt-a-Dog Fundraiser at Boxcar Bar + Arcade
Sweet Tea: A Sunday Tea Dance Presented by Stormie Daie! at The Velvet Hippo Bar & Lounge
5:05 p.m.
Durham Bulls vs Memphis at Durham Bulls Athletic Park
6 p.m.
Ann Arader and Tarot with Rene at Arcana
6:30 p.m.
Open Mic Night at Moon Dog Meadery
8 p.m.
Beloved Presents: Innerworlds at Rubies on Five Points

Running Art Exhibits

Constellations: 40 Years of Explorations within Sacred Geometry by Steven Ferlauto at Horse & Buggy Press and Friends

• Sacred Geometry is an ancient field of physics whose equations are expressed through shape. Shape is a way to explore the universal fabric of our existence.
• Sat, May 4 - Sat, June 1
• Free admission

Cameron Elyse's Divine Nine Legacy Memoir Exhibition at Hayti Heritage Center

• The Divine Nine Legacy Memoir delves deep into the history of the National Panhellenic Council (NPHC) or "Divine Nine," a collective of nine Greek Letter organizations founded on May 10th, 1930.
• These organizations were born out of the necessity to provide a voice for Black American students within the collegiate space. United by principles of service, community, brotherhood, and sisterhood, the Divine Nine work collectively to uplift society through acts of service to underserved areas across the nation.
• Fri, Apr 19 - Sat, June 1
• Free admission

It Ain’t All Black And White at DAG Truist Gallery

• It Ain’t All Black and White is a photography exhibition that encourages us to consider emotions such as serenity, apprehension, yearning, and more.
• Captured by 11 dynamic photographers dedicated to documenting the fullness and complexity of Black life, this exhibition offers each of us an opportunity to see ourselves with renewed attention.
• Thu, Apr 25 - Sun, June 2

María Magdalena Campos-Pons: Behold at Nasher Museum of Art at Duke University

• María Magdalena Campos-Pons: Behold is a monographic exhibition of a visionary voice in photography, immersive installation, painting and performance.
• Thu, Feb 15 - Sun, Jun 9
• Every week, Tue-Sat 10 a.m.-5 p.m., Sun 12-5 p.m.
• Free admission

Ley Killeya: Solitary Women at 5 Points Gallery

• 5 Points Gallery in downtown Durham invites you to appreciate Chapel Hill artist Ley Killeya's engaging exhibition featuring vibrant and thought-provoking paintings, exploring themes of identity, belonging, vulnerability, and acceptance, particularly for people from marginalized communities.
• Fri, May 17 - Sat, June 15
• Free admission

Counterpoints at Durham Bottling Co.

• Counterpoints is a curated showcase of local AAPI (Asian American Pacific Islander) artists, delving into the convergence of AAPI identity and mental health. Inspired by the intricate layers of musical counterpoint, its purpose is to weave together diverse narratives and confront the stigma surrounding mental health within our communities.
• Wed, May 1 - Sun, June 16
• Mon - Fri, 10 a.m. - 4 p.m.

I recently purchased 3 books from u/SprinklesOk3789 via her post on this sub. The transaction was seamless, and she consistently provided updates throughout the process.
I didn't expect the books to be in such a prestine condition, and on top of that they were carefully packed in bubble wrap.
She included a nice appreciation letter too, it's a gesture which tells how much she cares about the buyer.
Thank you, u/SprinklesOk3789, for the outstanding service and thoughtfulness. Your professionalism and kindness are greatly appreciated.

Tried lots of them but this is probably the best AI chatbot i’ve come across. Better than c.ai because of nsfw, it feels comfortable leading to some of the most wholesome “content” known to man (exaggerating), it’s barely better than Dopple.ai despite its professional look and higher letter limit of character desc because it doesn’t beat around the bush asking “Are you ready for this? Or that? While logging me out every single time after editing my Dopple. And it doesn’t have that annoying countdown of how many little “tokens” you have in a day like Paradot i think.
Chai ai is very good but it does need some improvements like long term memory, i did an experiment by asking it to call me “fake name”, the bot desperately tried so hard to remember my “fake name” and after a failed romance, the universe collapsed, in summary, even though the bots words felt real, the necessary part (memory) doesn’t. The design of the app is good, but for some reason i feel like it can be better? Idk. Also, it’s better if there’s a longer letter count in character desc for more details. When the user or bot uses **, it’s better if the words inside are colored to read easily.
When chatting with the bot, i think it would feel better if the bot responds with more bubbles to my one bubble instead of a back and forth texting (I send 1 bub, it sends 1 bub, i send 3, it sends 3). The app can also have a tiering for knowledge, the free version offers basic knowledge necessary for normal conversations while the higher tiers provide more information. Example, when making a bot at free version, you can set the knowledge of the bot using slider (of course, the maximum is the basic one), and with higher tiers, more connected to internet. Basically, Perplexity but with personality, heck maybe a collab could work. But that’s just my opinion as a person with no knowledge in programming, what do you guys think?

6 THE EMERGENCE OF THE PHALLIC GIRLS
The Unique Space of Their Emergence
….
The Atemporality of Manga and Anime
Every form of visual media functions according to its own temporality. In the case of popular culture most of these temporalities are a matter of movements.
All forms of visual expression are marked by a form of movement particular to their medium. Manga, anime, and film each have their own “grammar” of movement. Lining up photographs of real people like frames in a manga, for example, would not produce the same effects as a manga. On the contrary, it would lack reality (riariti), and the only effect it could produce would be of kitsch. This is because the kind of movement specific to the photographic medium clashes with the manga form.
These techniques for expressing movement include everything from the macro-level of speed lines in manga. Used effectively, they produce the effect of realistic movement. Reality (riariti) in anime is produced not by naturalistic backgrounds or by imitating cinematic techniques but only by realizing the kind of movement that is unique to anime. Under these conditions even a character drawn with a single line can seem just as real or even more real than a person in a photograph or a film. Now let us consider the question of temporality in manga and anime while paying attention to how they express movement.
A comparison of the work of Ishinomori Shotaro and Nagai Go is useful in thinking about temporality in manga. Ishinomori and Nagai use very different methods for representing time. Simply put, one uses “cinematic time” and the other “gekiga time.”
As Kato Mikiro has also argued, Ishinomori’s work brought the representation of time in manga to an extremely sophisticated level. His techniques were then adopted as a kind of grammar unique to manga and eventually rendered even more sophisticated in the hands of artists like Otomo Katsuhiro. One can certainly see the influence of film in these techniques (Ishinomori himself was also a great fan of Western films). Even more than someone like Tezuka Osamu, Ishinomori intended his manga to be like films. In contrast to this, Nagai’s techniques are more specific to manga, almost as if he were taking a position against cinema. Because this point is very closely related to the emergence of the beautiful fighting girls, let us look into it in greater detail.
In Ishinomori’s work, time “flows,” as it were, at the mostly consistent speed. It is his well-known techniques for describing intervals in dialogue - for example, the kind of time produced by the contrast between the dialogue within speech bubbles and the handwritten dialogue outside the speech bubbles - that maintain the objectivity or intersubjectivity of time in Ishinomori’s works. It is a more chronological, measured time that flows straight and even, without slowing or faltering.
In Nagai’s work, on the other hand, time no longer flows. It contracts and expands along with the reader’s subjective viewpoint. Action-packed, high-impact moments are drawn with large frames and take up many pages. This way of representing time, hardly used by Ishinomori at all, has become the trademark of Japanese manga in general. Ishinomori’s Masked Rider (Kamen raidaa) and other works in the squadron genre have been more often adapted as live-action dramas than as anime. This is in stark contrast to Nagai’s works, which have almost always been adapted as anime. There are no doubt reasons internal to the industry for this, but that does not explain everything. It seems clear that Nagai’s work itself has a greater affinity for being adapted as anime. And one of the things that anime have adopted from manga is the kind of atemporality represented in Nagai’s work.
In an earlier essay I was critical of this sort of atemporality in the work of Miyazaki Hayao. Here, I would like to return to that earlier essay to reconsider the atemporality of manga and anime.
As Miyazaki himself points out, anime starts out as the stepchild of manga. Anime often borrow techniques directly from manga. The best known example of this is the use of so-called manpu (Takekuma Kentaro) but the atemporality of anime is also derived from manga. Miyazaki compares anime’s atemporality to a traditional Japanese form of storytelling known as kodan storytelling, in which time and space are grossly distorted and exaggerated according to the passion and expressivity of the characters. The kodan “Kan’ei sanbajutsu” (Horse riding in the Kan’ei era), for example, is a long and extremely detailed description of how Magaki Heikuro climbs up a stone staircase on a horse. This kind of unlimited extension of a single privileged moment is typical of the atemporality of kodan storytelling, and Miyazaki is extremely critical of it.
One sees this kind of temporality most often in gekiga comics like those of Kajiwara Ikki. The most extreme example is perhaps Nakajima Norihiro’s Astro kyu dan (Asutoro kyu dan), the climaz of which is a single baseball match between the Astros and the Victories, the description of which took three years in serialization and more than two thousand pages. Astro kyu dan was a groundbreaking work, but it was neither minor nor avant-garde. It was published in Shonen jampu (Jump), a leading manga magazine, and, with the exception of a few raised eyebrows here and there, readers had no trouble accepting it.
The media space of manga and anime clearly tends toward atemporality. Manga about sports inevitably favor these descriptive techniques. The time between the moment the ball leaves the pitcher’s hand to the time it is swallowed up in the catcher’s mitt, the moment when a long-distance runner speeds up just before the finish line, the time of a round of boxing: all of these extremely short periods of time are extended and rendered in elaborate detail. The impact of a particular scene is heightened in direct proportion to the time spend describing it and the density of the narrative. Such techniques have been used most effectively in manga and anime. There is nothing in films or even novels capable of rendering this sense of atemporality quite as naturally. This point may have to do with the particularity of “Japanese space” that I discuss later.
Of course, the imaginaire, the realm of the imagination and fantasy, is atemporal to begin with. Dead people, for example, do not age in this realm. This is very different however, from Sigmund Freud’s notion of the atemporality of the unconscious. The unconscious is atemporal by its very nature, while the Imaginary can accurately be said only to strive for atemporality. In the imagination there is often a striving toward unlimited experience, which leads to a frantic gathering together of privileged moments.

In an essay on schizophrenia, the psychiatrist Nakai Hisao writes about the distinction between chronological and kairological time. Chronological time, named after Chronos, the Greek god of time and the father of Zeus, refers to physical time that we can measure on the clock. Kairos, on the other hand, is the Greek word for “opportune moment” and refers to time as human beings actually experience it. When we feel as if a boring lecture will go on forever or the time spent with a lover is over in a millisecond, it is because we are experiencing the time of kairos. Nakai writers that at a certain point in the progress of schizophrenia, patients experience “the collapse of kairological time and the maintenance of chronological time.” If this is possible, then there is no reason to think that the opposite might not also happen. Chronological time might recede, and the individual might leap headfirst into kairological time. In borderline cases and hysterics, for example, kairological time is clearly dominant. The time experienced by these individuals is often marked by the “here and now” of narcissism.
There are several other ways in which anime and manga strive for atemporality, or the suppression of chronological time. Characters like Sazae-san and Doraemon never grow old, and their stories unfold cyclically , always in the same setting. The technique of the tournament form that anime borrowed from manga magazines like Shonen jampu is another example of an atemporal form, like an infinite musical scale. The way the ranks of the enemy grows infinitely stronger is nothing if not a technique for introducing cyclical atemporality even as it disguises the passage time. In anime there is also the issue of the voice actor. What does it mean that the voice actor seems ageless and immortal? Often we have no idea how old they are in reality, and they may play the same boy roles for years on end. They must be immortal as well: When Yamada Yasuo, who did the voice of Lupin, died, the role was taken over by a virtual vocal clone of Yamada’s named Kurita Kan’ichi.
<…>
Philosophy of Care by Boris Groys (Chapter 10: Under the Gaze of the Charwoman part I)
Philosophy of Care by Boris Groys (Chapter 10: Under the Gaze of the Charwoman part II)
Becoming an Artwork by Boris Groys (Chapter 7)
<…>
American comics are fundamentally loyal to the techniques of cinema . In other words, they use chronological time in every respect. The flow of time from frame to frame is always even, and emotional prolongation and exaggeration is minimized. The characters’ subjective viewpoints are rendered through their monologues, and they do not demand readerly identification any more than necessary. In Japanese manga, on the other hand, particularly since kairological time was introduced by Tezuka, there has been a proliferation of techniques for rendering brief moments with high density and a very light touch. As these techniques were developed and further refined, they forced readers to identify with the characters even as they made it possible for them to read at a very fast pace. There is nothing else like this in the history of representational culture. It is very different from the way short time periods are presented in long novels such as the four days of the Brothers Karamazov or the single day of Joyce’s Ulysses. The high temporal density of these literary works derives from their indexical and polyphonic narrative structures. What they lack, moreover, is speed. The paradoxical combination of high-density and high-speed forms of expression is the unique quality of the media space of manga and anime.
The atemporality of manga derives from the screen effect whereby something looks as if it were stopped because it is moving so fast. Atemporality is not the only effect made possible by this copious description of instantaneous moments. I have pointed out that it also makes speed-reading possible. What does the copious description of instantaneous moments have to do with speed-reading? Here it would be useful to explain one of the most conspicuous codes that characterizes manga and anime.
Synchronic Space in Unison
Manga has its own very particular set of codes. As is well known, manga have multiple means for communicating these codes, both visual and verbal, as well as various supplemental onomatopoetic and mimetic expressions. Its methods of visual expression are far from simple. The background may be drawn in great detail, but the characters must be drawn using symbolic abbreviations. This is necessary to maintain visual continuity for the same characters from frame to frame. The characters’ emotions must also be expressed symbolically. This is the function of so-called manpu. Movement is expressed symbolically using various kinds of “speed lines.” I use the word “symbolic” here to indicate that these expressions directly transmit meanings as simple codes, leaving almost no room for multiple interpretations.
A frame from a manga chosen at random illustrates what I mean in greater detail. It is easy to see that multiple code systems coexist within even a single frame. We may begin by reading the text, but the shape of the bubbles that envelop the text are also expressive of emotions and situations. The manga as a whole consists of a very long list of codes, including the facial expressions of the characters, manpu, onomatopoetic and mimetic expressions, and speed and concentration lines. In manga it is almost impossible for a given mark, ln the paper not to carry any meaning. The brush or pencil strokes and the panel layout, as well as the empty spaces and the abbreviations, all contribute in some way or another to the meaning. The brush or pencil strokes and the panel layout, as well as the empty spaces and the abbreviations, all contribute in some way or another to the meaning. When we stop and think about it, it is quite surprising that we have read such huge quantities of manga without ever being conscious of all of these codes . How is it that a system of codes of this complexity has come to be shared as a common grammar so unconsciously - and accurately? Answering that question alone would make for a fascinating history of representational culture. But for now let us leave that aside and move on.
Some readers may be wondering whether there is really anything unique here about manga and anime. Don’t film and theater have their own complex systems of codes? What is unique about manga and anime is not the layering of codes on top of one another, or even the number of codes in use. What is important is that in manga and anime these codes do not create a polyphonic effect. Instead, they work in unison.
What do I mean by this? Even though multiple layers of codes operate in a manga or an anime, they express the same meaning, or the same emotion. Multiple code systems are synchronized to convey the meaning of a single situation. The more precise and rhythmic this synchronization is, the more rapidly we end up reading them. Speed-reading is an effect of this unison of codes, but at the same time the codes are brought into greater synchronicity by being read quickly.
One more crucial factor is that each of these codes that we have been discussing is highly incomplete on its own. No single manga code can convey meaning by itself. The text of the images alone do not relay sufficient meaning to be read in isolation. This means that all of the code systems must supplement each other. It is only this mutual supplementation that makes possible the synchronization and the unisonic effect of the whole.
For this reason the space of manga functions a representational space that is both excessively overdetermined in meaning and highly redundant. A related phenomenon is the rapid spread of those unsightly so-called telops that have become so irritatingly common on television programs in recent years. The words of the performers on variety shows are repeated for emphasis using subtitles, to which are added (in all likelihood synthesized) recordings of the laughter of the crew. Here also, you have multiple codes working in unison to ensure that the viewer was no way to react but to laugh. Some have pointed to this as an example of television becoming like manga. But I am more interested in considering what it is about our culture that makes us so found of these redundant and exaggerated forms of expression.
According to Frederik Schodt, who has also written about Japanese manga, the Japanese preference for combining visual with verbal expression has its roots in the kibyoshi picture books of the Edo period. Schodt’s thesis will of course require careful study before we can be certain. But at the present moment it does seem to be the case that Japan is the only country in which the fundamental grammar of popular culture can be described as the copious expression of multiple codes in unison. It is not that there are no examples of this in other countries, but nowhere else has it attained the widespread popularity and sophistication that it has in Japan.
This distinctive medium, which becomes meaningless when the codes are separated out and excessively meaningful when they are synchronized, brings to mind something else as well. It is very similar to how the Japanese language itself uses phonetic kana along with Chinese characters. As the anime director Takahata Isao has argued, anime and the Japanese language stand in a very intimate relation to one another. Takahata’s point is the anime is the Japanese language. Of course, there have been claims like this before, such as the one that suggests that manga resemble Japanese calligraphy. Misconceptions about kanji, particularly the idea that they are ideographic, and fascination with the refined look of the characters led even Jacques Lacan into thoughtless remarked that “the Japanese cannot be psychoanalyzed.” [*12. Jacques Lacan, “Avis au lecteur Japonais,” in Le seminaire de Jacques Lacan, ed. J. A. Miller, vol. 11 (Paris: Editions du Seuil), 497-500.] If we accept the distinction between the Symbolic and the Imaginary, we have to recognize that this is wrong. If there is something unique about kanji, it is not that they are closer to symbols than to letter. It is entirely possible to be attached to the visual appearance of writing, to treat it like a fetish, whether it be kanji or alphabetic letters. For the same reason we should avoid facile conflations of the imaginary function of anime and manga with the symbolic one of the Japanese writing system.
My sense is that the uniqueness of the two-pronged kanji/kana writing system employed in Japanese has less to do with its visual qualities than with the fact that reading it is a highly context-dependent process . And it is this fact that helps regulate the emergence of symbolic effects into the Imaginary. What we can say at this point for sure is that neither a Chinese character nor a phonetic reading on its own is sufficient to denote meaning. And it goes without saying that it is only with the addition, in synchronic unison, of katakana and roman letters that the full meaning can be gleaned. It is probably not a coincidence that the code systems of anime and manga work in a similar way.
The ease with which we enter into the world of a manga and the extraordinary speed at which we are able to consume them suggest that we may “read” them in the same way that we read Japanese writing. If this is indeed the case, we might make a further hypothesis about the Japanese writing system. We cannot claim that Japanese writing somehow blurs the boundaries between the Imaginary and the Symbolic. We can argue, however, that it provides us with a sophisticated mechanism for processing imaginary objects using symbolic operational forms.
This hypothesis helps explain a number of stranger phenomena. The first of these is that drawing ability is not the most important factor in assessing Japanese manga artists and anime directors. In fact we are strangely forgiving of their technical skills in drawing. The ability to draw certainly doesn’t hurt, but it is merely an added value. There are any number of Japanese artists who are considered “greats” but whose drawing ability is inexpert when judged by the standards of the West. Even Otomo Katsuhiro, for example, is not valued in the West for his ability to draw. Instead, his international reputation rests on his ability to tell a good story. This tendency to downplay drawing ability is also reflected in the fact that almost all critical writing on manga and anime to date focuses exclusively on narrative and character analysis.
It seems likely that we Japanese inhabit a cultural sphere that has experienced a rather distinctive development of technologies for the symbolic processing of imaginary things. This hypothesis has implications that are not limited to the theory of manga and anime. But because those implications would take us far beyond the scope of this book, we leave them for later and return to the main argument, bearing this hypothesis in mind.
The Space of Multiple Personalities
It should be possible to further expand on and generalize from these notions of the multilayered codes in manga and anime and the way they function in unison. It should be possible, for example, to think of a character in a manga as a kind of code. In my understanding, manga works have a structure that resembles a patient with multiple personalities. The better the work, the more occasions it provides for the multiplication of these personalities. To put it differently, the more perfect the manga, the more completely it succeeds in integrating the totality of its character into a single mutually supplementing system of partly personified characters.
In clinical practice it is well known that the separate personalities of patients with multiple personality disorder are highly incomplete in themselves. It is not uncommon for these individual personalities to be simple types whose entire nature can be expressed with a single phrase. In this sense it might be more appropriate to refer to them not as “personalities” but as individual “specs” (functions). This sort of incompleteness applies to many manga works as well.
It should be clear that what I am opposing to this space of multiple personalities is Mikhail Bakhtin’s notion of polyphony. Here is Bakhtin on the space of polyphony:

• A plurality of independent and unmerged voices and consciousnesses, a genuine polyphony of fully valid voices is in fact the chief characteristic of Dostoevsky’s novels….a plurality of consciousnesses, with equal rights and each with its own world, combine but are not merged in the unity of the event…not only objects of authorial discourse but also subjects of their own directly signifying discourse…. The consciousness of a character is given as someone else’s consciousness, another consciousness, yet at the same time it is not turned into an object, is not closed, does not become a simple object of the author’s consciousness. In this sense the image of a character in Dostoevsky is not the usual objectified image of a hero in the traditional novel….He created a fundamentally new novelistic genre.

The space of manga and anime has virtually nothing to do with these characteristics. In fact that space is more like an even more extreme version of what Bakhtin describes as having come before Dostoevsky. In other words, manga and anime give us “a multitude of characters and fates in a single objective world, illuminated by a single authorial consciousness,” in which “a character’s discourse [can] be exhausted by the usual pragmatic functions of characterization and plot development” and made to “serve as a vehicle for the author’s own ideological position.”
It is a fact that is often misunderstood, but like many other subcultural productions, the degree of freedom of expression in manga genre is extremely low. Compared with the novel, the formal characteristics and the range of narratives and narrative perspectives in manga are much more tightly circumscribed. What manga have instead is a much greater diversity of styles than the novel. This is also typical of most subcultural forms. To put it in semiotic terms, manga are impoverished on the syntagmatic axis (i.e., the horizontal structure) but extremely rich on the paradigmatic axis (i.e., the vertical branch).
For this reason it is not possible for manga to convey narratives above a certain level of complexity. The personalities of characters in manga have to be simple enough to be understood at a glance. If complex personalities cannot be described, complex narratives are not possible. In manga, therefore, the individual personalities of characters are inevitably types. If many manga contain only characters that belong to identifiable types, this is because the characters have to be arranged according to a code in which each one of them carries a single meaning. But this is no reason to complain about the lack of complexity and depth in manga characterization. In manga, a single personality is often divided among multiple characters. In other words, an entire manga work in its entirety is the coordinated expression of a single personality - of, for example, the personality of the author.
If it seems like I am belittling manga and anime by making this argument, this is not my intention. But just to be sure, let me make my defense of them explicit. The characteristics of manga that I have described above are weaknesses in terms of their capacity for literary expression. But do we not live in a time when the authority of the literary has been considerably weakened and the exponents of so-called high culture are being banished to an ever-shrinking territory?
If the weaknesses of subcultural forms like manga fall under the category of what I have just described as the syntagmatic, their strength lies in their paradigmatic diversity. One example would be popular music, where a diversity of sounds and arrangements are applied to simple structures, making for virtually infinite repetition and renewal. These days, techniques like sampling and remixing are not limited to music. We can all remember quite clearly how refreshing and powerful we found the anime series Neon Genesis Evangelion (Shin seiki Evangerion), which was produced almost entirely using these technical refinements. Subcultural forms will surely continue to seduce and bewitch us with their uncompromising superficiality. They may not be able to portray “complex personalities,” but they certainly do produce “fascinating types.” The beautiful fighting girl, of course, is none other than one of those types. That she can only survive in a subcultural habitat is due to the reasons given above.
[To be continued]

Hi everyone.
M47. I'm a year into a wide range of scary health symptoms. My first BFS post is Here
I've had various (sort of) reassuring tests in the past 8-9 months but things are getting slowly worse. If I do have some kind of MND, then it's not a classic presentation. That said, we all know everyone's different.
The reassuring (??!) stuff:

• I have been twitching and had loads of sensory stuff for a year now - fasciculations, pins and needles, paresthesia, buzzing/vibration, tingling, intermittent numbness, muscle aches, joint clicking, etc. These have been widespread, affecting all four limbs - rather than just in one area, although they did start with foot drop in my right leg (since 90% recovered). I put this in 'reassuring' as it seems this points away from MND in terms of pain/sensory and not focused in one area for long.
• This all started with the dreaded foot drop, out of nowhere, in late April last year. My leg went completely numb when I was sitting with crossed legs (unusually for me) and then felt like jelly for a while, and I was dragging my foot for a month or so afterwards. It has, however, since recovered. I couldn't walk on my left heel for a while but I can now and any observer would say I walk normally (I think).
• I have not lost any function in the past year. I can still stand on one leg on each side, and walk on heels and tiptoes.
• I've had two clean (?) clinicals, in October and January. At least I think they were clean - my neuro (not a neuromuscular specialist) is not all that communicative about what she's doing. I do know she told me on both occasions "you do not have MND". The letter i was sent noted "easily elicitable" reflexes, and in January that I was tremulous - she put that down to anxiety...
• My first EMG was "dirty" in Aug 23, with reinnervation noted in my right leg (where the twitching began) and neurogenic changes/reduced recruitment in both arms as well as r-leg. But this was not seen as evidence of anything bad - nerve damage was put down to peroneal nerve palsy after large weight loss and common wear and tear in arms/across elbows due to desk job.
• My second EMG in Jan 24 was much quicker (done privately) and still found reinnervation in right leg and he didn't test my ulnar nerves - but a worrisome weak/aching shoulder and upper right arm came back clean, as did spinal muscles (10 sites tested, only r leg reduced recruitment). That was 6 months plus after onset of symptoms.
• My B12 was low last summer and may have contributed to some symptoms but I am not anaemic.
• My CK levels have been consistently below 100 throughout this time (non-specific I know). I can't access an NFL test without considerable planning and travel so have not managed to do that yet.

The worrying stuff:

• The tremor I have had since around Christmas feels like incipient weakness, and although my neuro just ascribed it to anxiety, a physio has noted 4/5 strength in my right shoulder and that both legs shake when doing calf raises. There is no obvious cause. My typing is really clumsy and I am constantly correcting typos. This has never happened before in my life.
• Everyday items feel heavier now, and low level exertion like mowing the lawn brings on increased tremor and twitching afterwards. My balance feels off at times, and I sometimes have to concentrate to walk normally, especially when getting up from a chair.
• Flip side of the first list / glass half empty take is that I have never had a "clean" EMG - I do have nerve damage. My last EMG was almost 5 months ago and I feel weaker since then.
• Fasiculations have worsened in past 2 months or so - a persistent one just above my right knee (where this all started) and another in my right shoulder. Both calves bubble away pretty much constantly.
• I have a sort of dancing muscle rippling on the outside of both thighs when engaged. I believe this is myokymia. The neuro didn't note it in Jan. It is not usually listed as an MND symptom, but I don't know what it does point to.
• My feet, hands and thighs have noticably thinned. No function has been lost but I do have perceived (and physio-noted) weakness. I am concerned that the neuro doesn't know me and is waiting for clear and obvious weakness/failure rather than, say, a weakened pinch grip or foot push before she investigates any further. So far, I don't think she has found any upper neuron issues but I do seem to have lower neuron stuff (twitching, weakness). The twitches were quiet in Jan when I last saw her. This makes me worried about PMA - although testimonies of how that plays out are hard to find, and I don't have muscle cramps (yet - I do have pre-cramp sensations in my legs).
• In the past month or two I am getting extremely weird waves of tingling/chills which almost feel like goosebumps, - they tend to affect a single limb at a time, and are usually but not always on the right side of my body.

The confounding factors:
Like a lot of folk I have spent a lot of time researching possible alternative explanations for WTF is going on with me. I also have other known health issues, which have all emerged over the past year or 18 months - but none of them convincingly cover what is going on. These are:

• Low B12. 165 last summer, loading injections via GP didn't shift twitching. I have restarted injections recently, no effect other than things feeling worse. I tsted negative for intrinsic factor so cause of deficiency is unknown.
• One neuro test was the tuning fork / vibration one. I couldn't feel the vibration at all on either foot. She didn't note this in the letter or explain its significance but it seems to maybe point to sensory peripheral neuropathy?
• I was prescribed clonazepam by my GP last summer and took it in low doses for 8-9 months - last 3 months was tapering off. Benzo use and withdrawal can (often) cause muscle weakness and a lot of stuff listed above - but my dose (usually 1MG per day for the first half of those months) seems too low to have caused that. On the other hand, a LOT of people on the benzo recovery sub report chills, tingling and weakness - and clon is a very strong benzo.
• I have a 3cm thyroid nodule which means my right thyroid lobe (at least) will need to be removed in teh near future. Needle biopsy was uncertain and chance of cancer is 35%. I may be the only person in the world to have received a letter saying "possible malignancy" and been delighted as I'm so desperate for explanations for everything. However, although my muscle issues are all listed as symptoms of hyperthyroidism (or a mix of hyper and hypo), nodules and TC don't usually affect function and my numbers are stubbornly in range - albeit with a TSH which is very low end of range at 0.54 and has fallen quite a bit in the past year. I still hope that maybe after the operation, a lot of this might ease off - even though an ENT specialist dismissed the possibility that my neuro stuff could be thyroid related.
• I had a full spine MRI which found the above thyroid issue but also noted bulging lumbar discs all the way down, mild left lateral and central stenoses at L3-4 and severe stenosis at L4-5, and right side nerve compression there. That *might* account for my leg issues but does not explain my upper body/arm/shoulder stuff as the cervical section was fine (aaargh).

Any comments welcome. I know what I probably need to do is get a second opinion by a neuromuscular specialist and I am working on doing that.

Soulmage

I wanted to leave without a word, because there was a part of me that still thought I was right, and if I spat that venom at Cienne I'd only sicken him more. Then I wanted to write a letter, because I'd tried to make Cienne's choices for him one too many times, and taking my last words away from him stank too much of glass shards and festered bile.
So in the end, there was only one choice that gave back Cienne some of the control I'd wrested from him. There would be no vanishings in the night. No envelopes on pillows with salt-stained pleas.
I knocked on Cienne's door during a frigid, thin-aired noon.
"Lucet?" I heard a thunk twenty pounds heavier than I expected. He was taking to the treatments well. The treatments I'd tried to keep from him. "Everything okay?"
And fuck, things had gone so wrong between us that the first thing he asked was that. "Honestly? Not really. But if you don't want to talk, I'll leave."
I held a slip of paper between my fingers. If he didn't want to talk, I'd slip it into the Plane of Calm when I left. Hiding my last words in a place he'd only reach if he was unshakeable was the least I could do to ensure my absence wouldn't be sprung on him when he was already knocked down.
But the door opened before I could cast a spell, and Cienne was in his neatly-tidied room, his Redlander's robes pooling around his feet. Waves lapped at the warm sand of his soul, and he stepped back in an unspoken invitation.
The paper crinkled in my hands, and I shook my head. "If I step into that room I'm not going to be able to leave," I blurted out.
Cienne tilted his head, lips pursing, and I could see my soul reflected in his eyes, all back-alley bilgewater and broken bottles. The realization swelled inside him like a bubble of magma, boiling his idyllic beach into mist and quartz. "You're leaving the city," Cienne finally said.
I had an entire letter working up to that revelation, and he saw through me in an instant. "I wrote an explanation, if you don't want to hear it from me now, but—"
"If that would make it easier for you," Cienne began, then grimaced. "...no. No, I want to hear it from you. Why you'd rather die by inches rather than let Zhytln treat you, you stubborn—" He cut himself off.
"Go ahead," I said.
"Like hell I will. You came here to say something, and I want to hear you out."
I took in a deep breath, then looked down at the words in my palms. I could drop them and run, and Cienne wouldn't get in my way because only one of us tried to stop people from taking the medicine they needed, and that was the coward's way out and if there was one thing I would never again be it was a coward.
"Okay." I wish I could have met his eyes while I spoke, but truth be told I'd stammer and stutter and shy away if I had to improvise this, so I looked down at my letter and began to read.
Cienne, it simply began. If you're reading this, I'm already gone. I skipped that part, true though it was, and read aloud from the second sentence. "You're building a life here, and I can't be part of it. Because you're finally happy and healthy and safe and content, and there are things I need to do that won't let me ever be any of that."
Cienne's hands twitched, as if reflexively he wanted to reach out to me, to comfort me like he had so many times before. Before. Before we'd clashed. Before he knew what it meant to be a riftmaw.
"Part of me wanted to hide where I'm going for your own good," I continued, and I was glad now that I had an excuse to look anywhere but at Cienne. "But I don't get to decide that for you. So while you're living your life on the docks of Knwharfhelm, the same abomination of an institution that gave us cancer and killed Sansen is still murdering and brainwashing and claiming the moral high ground while they're at it. And I'm going to steal their medicine and wreck their war machine and show them what a pissed-off soulmage with nothing to lose can do. And this is where both of us belong. You enjoying your freedom and health. Me trying to win that for everyone who didn't escape. Because that's why I'm doing this. For the people like you who never found their peace. And for the one who did."
Lines of frost crept from my fingertips, ink twisting into brittle runes. I looked up at Cienne, as if he would convince me to change my mind, to take Zhytln's treatment and stay in the struggling, growing household he'd made.
Maybe there was once a Cienne who would have asked me to stay. But I'd killed that man on the docks of Knwharfhelm.
"...Will you talk to Meloai and Sansen before you go?" Cienne finally asked.
"I knew I'd only be able to do this once."
Cienne closed his eyes.
"Then go," he finally said. "And when you see Witch Aimes..."
His brows creased, eyelids twitching, and his soul shuddered and wrenched. He never finished his sentence.
"I'll know what to do," I said. I almost reached out to take his hand.
But his soul was placid and still once more. I'd disturbed him enough already.
So I drew a line in the air, peeling open a rift between our home and the streets of Knwharfhelm, and took my first step towards the Silent Peaks.
A.N.
Updates will happen when they happen. Thanks for sticking along.
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let's say our protagonist steps into a new room, and later in the plot, they have an important interaction with an item in the room. i don't like the prospect of describing the room during the interaction--maybe it'll break the real focus. that means that we have to describe the setting the first time the character enters. when is the best time to describe it, then?
like:

He hopped over the mossy step and knocked on the door.
The door flew open, too quickly to produce any sound more than a squeak, and broke a teacup hanging in the air.
“You're late, midget, for the sake of Delphi,” a green-skinned elf scolded, already striding past him, crunching porcelain under her bare feet. She snatched an envelope from behind the door. "Do try coming earlier." She plopped the letter in his hands before closing the door.

Where do I possibly fit the description about the winged teacups and the moss-rimmed bookcases teeming with books and encyclopedias? And the magic circles drawn in chalk on the floor? What about the mushroom roof? And the squirrel stuffing that hung over a bubbling cauldron?
edit: removed some confusing details. ty u/RobertPlamondon for pointing them out

As you may know, the "The mysterious cities of gold" (or "Esteban, the child of the sun") was a French/Japanese series which aired when Oda was little and has many uncanny similarities with One Piece:

• Many adventurers set sail to find the lost city of gold (El Dorado) in the New World
• Ancient highly advanced lost civilization which mastered solar power / nuclear fusion (Ancient Kingdom & nuclear fusion / solar energy)
• An ancient language that only the last girl of an exterminated tribe can read (Robin)
• The protagonist (Esteban) being the prophesied child of the sun (Luffy / sun god Nika)
• Etc etc

Check out for example this video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBrKuS_-XiY for more information.
I'm interested in the ending, since it might give some clues on the ending of One Piece. As such, I watched the last three episodes ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cjDdSWF3fIs , https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e11P3j_uwWQ , https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUPVJZpTHAo ). In these episodes, the heroes arrive at the lost city of gold (i.e. Raftel), discover the history of the ancient war (void century), and fight over the great treasure, which is an immense source of energy (similar to the Mother Flame, nuclear fusion, solar energy). Here's a summary of all episodes: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_The_Mysterious_Cities_of_Gold_episodes , if you want a bit of context.
Obviously, Oda has taken inspiration from many series / legends / historical facts, and so most definitely won't copy this specific series to the letter. However, this series is a special case, so I wanted to try guessing parts of the ending of One Piece based on it.
Inspired by the last 3 episodes of "The mysterious cities of gold", here are some theories on the ending of One Piece:

• The weapon that shot the mother flame isn't Uranus, but instead something similar to this ugly-looking flying machine, belonging to the Olmecs (evil space aliens, or Tenryuubito / Imu):

https://preview.redd.it/2b2xnazg2e1d1.jpg?width=1370&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4dcee062859a9cbf42f0bd54a4b58e7c96326165

• Raftel is hidden under Reverse Mountain. At one point, this rocky dome above Raftel will open in 4 quadrants. In the series, it's 6 quadrants, but Reverse Mountain being divided in 4 makes more sense.

https://preview.redd.it/vjem9dv83e1d1.png?width=1270&format=png&auto=webp&s=9ec93b67988131a0a5e630c0a58e0f302e5b9baa
https://preview.redd.it/igzu401a3e1d1.png?width=1281&format=png&auto=webp&s=cead920ecebae8177d81543c8b6114d87995ee7c
https://preview.redd.it/wiikncdl3e1d1.png?width=1273&format=png&auto=webp&s=42deeda1198fa609e2b4d43c7e46b7ffbbc7e5c1
https://preview.redd.it/l4zzebl67e1d1.png?width=1275&format=png&auto=webp&s=49e077890354e161b1f3d6bfb7bffa6f7feef93b

• 2 individuals (the 2 sovereigns) are needed to open Raftel: Robin (left; maybe to read the poneglyphs?) and Luffy (right).

https://preview.redd.it/s5p5jetv3e1d1.png?width=830&format=png&auto=webp&s=9fe57e85e968b9f5df3486ff6e578b79627efd81

• Luffy has the power of the sun, i.e. limitless power granting limitless freedom. The sun / Luffy's power is needed to turn on the ancient technology, as Esteban's power to summon the sun turns on the ancient city's defenses.

https://preview.redd.it/okthkk7n4e1d1.png?width=1270&format=png&auto=webp&s=132dd26ede54dbf0443e3fe2e3c5a8dfb96ebad6

• Raftel will be where the final battle happens, not Mariejois. It will be a free-for-all between the factions of Luffy, Shanks, Dragon, Blackbeard, and Imu (at minimum, I guess Cross Guild should also be there). The energy source in Raftel will be unleashed, leading to cataclysmic earth-shattering events, which will probably destroy the Red Line and thus Mariejois / Fishman Island with it.
• The great kingdom (Mu, with the Hevans) and a rival kingdom (Atlanta) both mastered nuclear fusion / solar power. They were extremely advanced, yet the cities and citizens are drawn in the aesthetics of old Aztec (Mu) and Greek (Atlanta) cities. They fought for a century until they essentially nuked each other, and both were submerged under the ocean.

https://preview.redd.it/lmxaev2s6e1d1.png?width=1271&format=png&auto=webp&s=71c83c09c2856a7a1adc75370b6cff441e0706ac
https://preview.redd.it/njop76kt6e1d1.png?width=1275&format=png&auto=webp&s=b5e474d68f35f56539da84a504d55523cf9ab704
https://preview.redd.it/tlqwffbu6e1d1.png?width=1267&format=png&auto=webp&s=28b159edf2213714ddd7a8044148fc6079f94be5
https://preview.redd.it/7mexgbpv6e1d1.png?width=1267&format=png&auto=webp&s=6aaeda10bad1d4b542f695fc6dda141b25278404
https://preview.redd.it/9cg4383v6e1d1.png?width=1269&format=png&auto=webp&s=6c491ad0810346e8d2efa08420b8a8035dcfb3dd

• The great kingdom had 7 allied countries, and they all had cities made entirely of gold, most of which are submerged. Examples: Shandora, Wano (the land of gold). When the water will recede, the sun will hit all of these cities, and they will all "turn on". This will lead to a new era of peace and prosperity, where citizens everywhere will be able to use the advanced technology for better lives.
• Imu is akin to the Olmecs, i.e. a space alien which seeks to greedily use the eternal flame for the longevity of their species, and consider all others to be trash. The Tenryuubito could also be from the same space alien race as Imu (astronaut suits), or they could instead be remnants of the Atlanteans (underwater, scuba bubble helmet), I can't decide.

https://preview.redd.it/nmqo0o5d5e1d1.png?width=1007&format=png&auto=webp&s=b93e8b675785688ea25b592eff7659add35b73a2
Even if all of these theories are false because Oda won't copy, I recommend watching the last 3 episodes. It was a big hit in Japan and France at the time, and really captures the adventurous feeling of One Piece. Each episode ends with a small segment on the real history which inspired the series, which is maybe the origin of Oda's love for real history and legends, and maybe even of his blending of fictional pirate-era sci-fi fantasy with real history and legends.
TL;DR: Raftel is hidden under Reverse Mountain and will be "opened up". Robin and Luffy are needed to open Raftel, Robin for reading poneglyphs, and Luffy's solar power to turn on the ancient technology. Raftel will be where the final battle happens, a free-for-all between Luffy / Shanks / Dragon / BlackBeard / Imu / everyone. There were two rival kingdoms, the Ancient Kingdom and another (Atlanta) which mastered nuclear fusion / solar power, fought for a century and nuked each other, both being submerged under water. The Ancient Kingdom had 7 allied countries, all made of gold, and are all also submerged. When the water will recede, the sun will hit all of these cities, and they will all "turn on", and a new era of peace and prosperity will start.

Some of you know my story..
WH confessed right after a one-time PA with an engaged coworker who had been admittedly boldly pursuing him and telling him how bad she wanted to have sex with him while we were in a terrible rough patch. It was so out of character for my husband to even socialize with a female coworker, but I think he just got caught up in the attention and has terrible coping skills which led to what happened. I would have never know if he hadn’t confessed and he has told me every detail of the entire situation. His breakdown afterwards and now months of constant inner work (IC, MC, church, only working in a solitary spot if he works overtime so he can’t socialize, check-ins, open phone.. you name it) show me how remorseful he is and that every bit of fantasy or limerance ended at the moment they actually went through with the act. He says he truly hates himself for acting like a person he is not and all he wants is to now be a better man for me and our kids. By both accounts (and they did not have any chance to match up stories and she was denying everything at first when WH confessed) it was awkward, regrettable, and that there was zero connection or reality to the thought that it might be something enjoyable. He has talked to me every day, wrote letters and long texts expressing his deep regret for hurting me and himself and his love for me.
So the issue now is that I allowed WH to keep working in the same office at his job on the same shift. I made it clear I only want to stay together if he wants absolutely nothing to do with her and would never speak to her again, which seems to be the case. She told me she wants nothing to do with him as well and is humiliated that everyone now thinks of her as a whore. Her fiance is their coworker as well and while at first they chose to rug sweep it all, are now blowing up because she was not honest like my WH and OBS is obviously very embarrassed and hurt.
The logical part of me knows they won’t talk. There was no emotional connection and the only thing between them was a sexual tension bubble that popped immediately. According to other coworkers she is a totally different person now and walks around with her head down not talking to anyone when before she was the facility’s attention whore. Besides a slip-up of not telling me right away when OBS recently threatened him at work, WH has given me zero reason to not believe in him. In counseling this week he said me thinking he’s still talking to her deeply hurts his heart because he is so adamant about never wanting either of us to feel this way again.
Sorry such a long backstory.. I’ve battled this for over 3 months now and just wonder if I really should ask him to go to 3rd shift. We’d lose intimate sleeping time together.. and part of me feels like it’s a cop out since 1st shift is the devil I know at this point.. but maybe it would help me heal or have less moments of wondering “what if they are in contact and I just don’t know?”

🪞
Welcome back to the Asylum write-up, where we explore the decade-long slow-motion car crash that is the Emilie Autumn fandom.
Sorry this installment took so long to upload! Just a heads-up, I may take some time to deliver the last one too – these posts take forever to format on Reddit's finicky-ass editor, and my dumb real life is currently keeping me from precious Internet time. Thank you for your patience! You have my word that everyone who pre-ordered the final installment will receive a PERSONAL, HANDWRITTEN letter autographed and illustrated by me, a list of the snacks I consumed while composing this write-up, some exclusive behind-the-scenes secrets, and a pony.
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4.1 – Part 4.2 Part 5

Places, everyone This is a test Throw your stones Do your damage Your worst, and your best (...) And if I had a dollar For every time I repented the sin And commit the same crime I'd be sitting on top of the world today (“God Help Me”, 2006🎵)

Quick recap of where we left off. First, there were five to ten halcyon years of pleasant and meaningful interactions between EA and her blossoming fanbase, prominently by way of her official forum. Then, circa 2009-2010, EA's online presence shifted towards sudden anger outbursts, ban-hammering, and an increasingly top-down communication style.
This created a sort of primordial rift within the fanbase, between those who supported EA's right to speak her mind and regulate her own fan spaces however she pleased – and those who thought that her reactions were rude and inappropriate (at best), and that even fan spaces should allow for reasonable, non-abusive criticism of the artist.
Between a poorly-handled book release (see Part 3), the controversial (Part 2) or dubiously true (Part 4) contents of said book, and serious shade from various former collaborators (Part 5), more and more fans had pressing thoughts about EA's work ethic and choices. EA attempted damage control through drastic forum rules that made it virtually impossible to voice any “serious” critical opinion. It didn't work, of course: instead of squashing the mutiny, she created a schism.
Critical fans and active haters started congregating on unofficial platforms.

“WITH MUFFINS LIKE THIS, WHO NEEDS ENEMIES?”: TROLL LIKE A GIRL

So here we were, the early 2010s. The official forum (which had about 700 members in 2006, if you recall) was now thousands-strong, reaching just over 12,000 registered users in 2012 – not all of them active, but still. In terms of sheer numbers and content creation, the party was POPPIN'... but increasingly in parts of the Asylum that escaped EA's jurisdiction, such as Tumblr, where they could speak their mind freely.

You play the victim very well You've built your self-indulgent hell You wanted someone to understand you Well, be careful what you wish for, because I do (“I Know Where You Sleep”, 2006🎵)

In one wing of Asylum Tumblr, a smattering of call-out blogs emerged, which laid out EA's various lies, faux pas, shitty takes, and general deep-seated terribleness in detailed timelines and screenshots (or, short of that, long-winded bullet points). While many such blogs framed it as “serious” whistleblowing and did their best to remain as fact-based and neutral as they could, there was some genuine disgust, animosity and creepiness towards EA on that side of Tumblr; for some ex-fans, “exposing the truth” was mostly justify obsessive hatred, prying and verbal abuse. Some, for instance, felt the bizarre need to side with EA's mother in their estrangement. (One user, with the URL “emilyautumnfischkopf”, argued in a serious and down-to-earth tone - but with zero sources - that EA's upbringing had been nothing but peaceful and supportive until she ungratefully kicked her loving family to the curb for no reason at all. They were later revealed 🔍 to have an alternate handle as “eaisalyingcunt”.)
Either way, through these blogs, a number of potential drama bombs that had mostly flown under the radar were dredged up from over the years – some of which were hard to ignore, even for supportive fans. Where to begin?
There was that nonsense in-joke song, captured twice on camera during the 2009 tour (to very little outrage, at the time), crassly called “Manatee Retard”📺. Or EA's scathing response, in print, to a wheelchair user who found it insensitive that she used a bedazzled wheelchair as a prop to do sexy acrobatics on stage. (“Your offence taken at my hard-won self-acceptance proves that I indeed have something to fight against”, she wrote). Spoken word tracks where she made trivializing knock-knock jokes about serious mental illnesses she didn't have, like schizophrenia and OCD. Multiple instances of calling Britney Spears a “bimbo” and a “Hollywood fucked-up”, resentfully claiming that she only shaved her head because she was “hopped up on drugs” and certainly not because she was “bipolar”, a word the press liked to wield as an insult anyway. (“That's almost like calling someone a retard!” Yeah, heaven forbid.) The meanest, most distasteful paragraphs in the book. Basically everything problematic EA had ever said or written.📝 In retrospect, it had been a long time coming, but it was a lot to take in – and certainly more off-putting, even to less emotionally invested fans, than silly lies about her age and last name.
In another wing of Asylum Tumblr, some fans had had it up to here and just wanted to have fun. 🎵 If Plague Rats had learned one valuable lesson from EA, it was how to crack a joke in the face of absurd tragedy – and the general state of the EA fandom certainly warranted a few.
In 2012, Fight Like a Girl was released. After six long years, three of which had been peaceful, the Opheliac era was officially over. The new album and ensuing tour confirmed that the Asylum had entered a process of glamorous Broadway-style militarization. 🎵📺
The mood board was “Roman general meets Vegas showgirl meets Victorian street urchin”.🪞 The color palette was, to naysayers, “musty pink and rotten, stale piss yellow”. 🐀 The keyword was “REVENGE” (through the power of... self-expression! sorority! brutal assault with rusty medical implements!). The chorus of the title song had an intriguing run-on line about getting “revenge on the world, or at least 49% of the people in it” 🎵 – which seemed like an awful lot, and was widely interpreted (to cheers, boos, or uncomfortable sighs) as a misandrist jab at literally all men on Earth.
The show was essentially a demo version of the musical, in that the setlist vaguely reflected the order of events in the story – but prior reading was essential in order to get what the hell was going on on stage. This one Broadway reviewer had not perused the literature before seeing the show 🔍, and hated: the set, the choreography, the skits, the plot, the lyrics, the music, the concept. (Seriously, you should read the review. It's not even my show and I feel like quitting show business.)
Pre-show VIP encounters, now violin-free, were lorded over by EA's new manager🐀, whose official title was “Asylum Headmistress”. (Interesting choice – she sounds fun!) The swag bags were less substantial than before, and the “greet” part of the meet-and-greet was rarely more than a quick hug and photo op.
On Twitter, EA continued to embrace her “I am very badass” fronting attitude...

Often wonder if cyberbullies r aware they’re fucking w/ a girl who’s BFs w/ maker of the SAW films & is marrying a knife-throwing scorpion. (🐀📝)

...and her taste for needlessly inflammatory statements. About an aisle sign in a supermarket:

If this does not infuriate you, then you're a fucking potato.

(Again with the confounding crypto-ableism, EA! 🔍) She also went through a phase of raging against Lady Gaga 📝, who had stolen her idea of using a wheelchair on stage as an able-bodied woman. 🔍 That failed to convince anyone that she wasn't the histrionic diva that haters made her out to be.
Spurred on by EA's rallying cries and “us vs them” mentality, loyalists turned the white-knighting up to 11. On Twitter, some Plague Rats got into cat fights with Lady Gaga's Little Monsters (what a time to be alive). Others tried to balance out the Tumblr negativity with initiatives like “Spreading a Plague of Love” – a “positive-only” confession blog, whose extreme fangirling, comically drastic rules and hyper-defensive tone📝 did not debunk the increasingly popular notion that “true Plague Rats” were a bunch of authoritarian and hopelessly brainwashed fanatics.
EA truthers and other anti-fans started lashing out at anyone who dared express any positive opinion of EA, solidifying claims that the backlash against EA was just a conspiracy of bitter, hysterical bullies.
All this to say: every passing day brought new reasons for fans to get mad at EA and each other, and everyone in the Asylum was in need of a laugh. It's not easy having a good time.🦠
Leading up to Fight Like a Girl and in the years that followed, user-submission-based meme blogs took off, most notably “Spreading a Plague of Lulz / Troll Like a Girl”. A lot of the early submissions were absurdist humor and toothless, cheezburger-Impact memes (a style that was, oddly, already dated at the time). Those often originated in good fun, and from loyal fans, on the official forum. But there was also true snark, satirizing EA's questionable ethics, outrageous claims, and easily spoofed artistic gimmicks. A new slang of Asylumspeak emerged: Glittertits (slight NSFW), GAGA!!, EA Gusta and all its memeface variants, Get outta mah house!, Are You Suffering?, Fight Like A Goat, [Random celebrity] copied EA (a subgenre in its own right), ...
Most of the “trolling” was directed at unrepentant bootlickers and, to a lesser extent, red-in-the-face haters and creeps. Meme blogs would post joke comments under “serious” or gushing submissions on Wayward Victorian Confessions, and taunt loyalist accounts by tagging them in their posts. When a few people complained on WVC that almost all of the Bloody Crumpets to date had been thin white able-bodied women, and a few fans responded by sharing their dream-casts for a more diverse line-up, the blog was flooded for days with confessions that “X should be a Crumpet” (candidates included RuPaul, Mitt Romney, Nicki Minaj, EA's therapist, and the WVC admins). Farcical shenanigans like that.
Ah, but some people will always cross the line, won't they. EA threads popped up on merciless, bully-friendly snark platforms like Lolcow, Pretty Ugly Little Liar, and Encyclopedia Dramatica. Snarkers with a mean streak and obsessive haters mingled in some of the more aggressive, 4-chan-spirited retaliation against EA – which would be called “brigading” in modern parlance. This included flooding EA's Goodreads page with one-star reviews (see part 4), repeatedly editing her Wikipedia page to include her legal name and birth year, and ensuring that Googling said name would bring up current pictures of her.
All of this compounded agitation fragmented the once-united fandom beyond recognition.🦠 Through substantial disagreements among fans, personal bickerings, layers upon layers of inscrutable in-jokes, and cross-platform telephone games, the Asylum morphed into a booby-trapped Escher room.
Satire blogs were taken in earnest. Earnest fan blogs scanned as satire. Memes would get called out as abuse. Appreciation without attached criticism would get mocked as bootlicking. Obvious jokes made by EA would be taken at face value. One divisive confession could trigger days and days of debate, to the point that WVC eventually banned confessions in response to other confessions. New waves of infighting created a confusing web of rival sub-factions🐀, each accusing the others of being toxic, cliquish, and delusional.
The shared fantasy was broken, the collective vision had crumbled, no onez was speaking the same language anymore. Fans would jump down the throat of other fans who held almost identical views about EA, except for that one thing she said or did that one time. Everyone had differing thoughts on what should or shouldn't acceptable to discuss, question, excuse, make fun of.
War is hell.

SCORCHED EARTH SHENANIGANS: HONEY, I SHRUNK THE ASYLUM

Would you tear my castle down Stone by stone And let the wind run through my windows Till there was nothing left But a battered rose? (“Castle Down”, 2003🎵)

Haters vs sycophants is not really the kind of conflict where one side can come out on top (if you're participating, you've already lost). But in the long tug-of-war between “grassroots” and “EA-sponsored” fan spaces, the ultimate winner is obvious – in that the former is gasping in agony, a shriveled husk of its former glory, while the latter... is non-existent. This is due in no small part to EA's tendency, like the Czars of old, to settle conflicts by setting Moscow on fire.🔍)
That's not entirely fair: unlike EA, the czar only did it that once.
By early 2013, as EA was gearing up for her third Fight Like a Girl tour at the end of the year, the official forum was... not as lively as it once had been. Not just because of the stifling rules and disgruntlement towards EA, or because EA herself hadn't really posted anything on there in years; the Internet was also changing, and forums in general were fast becoming passé.
This made it difficult for EA to create a safe space where she could talk to fans, and fans could talk to and about her, in a way she deemed suitable (ie, a space she could gate-keep and regulate enough to keep it completely free from negative criticism). Social media was a minefield; she still posted regularly, but didn't interact very much. So EA and the Headmistress came up with a way to filter out the unbelievers: an official fan club📝, aptly called the “Asylum Army”, with a $100 entry price.
Joining the AA came with a dog tag, a sew-on patch, and a lifetime membership certificate signed by EA and – for some reason – the Headmistress. (Unlike EA's best friend and sound engineer back in the forum's heyday, I don't think fans ever really embraced the FLAG-era manager as part of the Asylum in-group. She came across more as a coordinator / businessperson / adult chaperone, at best.🐀) So, slightly better goodies than you'd get by joining the other AA 🔍 ... but not by much. The main appeal was that members would have access to exclusive content, special merch, giveaways, early bird tickets for future shows, and regular video chats with EA.
The concept itself drew a fair amount of criticism, as you can imagine. Between the name🐀, the price, and the inherent gatekeeping of a pay-to-join fanclub, many balked at the monetizing of a concept that had once (like, three years back) been significantly more DIY, grassroots, and inclusive. 📝🐀
Then again, many also longed for a positive, drama-free space where fans could just be fans. And while the creation of the AA was generally recognized as a quick cashgrab, a lot of people were surprisingly cool with it. EA was trying to finance her dream musical, after all – although a number of fans wished she had gone about raising funds in a less sketchy way.
So around 400 fans shelled out (which, according to the Headmistress📝, “basically cover[ed] the cost of running the fanclub itself – keeping the database up, website, etc.”). Enough for a close-knit, but sizable community. But already, there was a conflict of interest: a high fanclub entry fee essentially demands that you pledge loyalty to the artist over loyalty to your fellow fans, who wish to join but can't afford to. Sharing, caring, and ensuring no one felt left out were some of the more positive values cultivated in the fandom... but leaking exclusive content would surely piss off other paying members🐀, and make EA feel betrayed all over again. (And she had barely just started to mellow out on social media!)
...But then again, this is the internet. After the first month of secret AA drops (lyric sheets, some photoshoot outtakes – nothing too juicy, really), there were, yes, some leaks. EA was predictably miffed, and retaliated by... ghosting the fanclub for weeks at a time in its first few months of existence (great look!). She eventually found the “solution” to her problem, by providing something you couldn't right-click-save (and which had been part of the promised perks to begin with): live interaction.
Over webcam, she was her usual in-person bubbly, charming, funny self. Everyone seemingly had a good time during the fanclub video chat, and this gave people faith and hope.
There were a few more events, giveaways, etc. As promised, ahead of the fall 2013 tour (the last one to date, it would turn out), AA members got priority access to show tickets and VIP bundles. The latter were much pricier than before, and only included soundcheck, a photo-op, and three goodies: a tin of loose-leaf tea, a signed printer-paper setlist, and a small flag that said “F.L.A.G.”.🔍 Some stuff continued to leak – but, as some of the outlaws pointed out (scroll down to the Disqus comments), they were mostly relaying information that was relevant to the entire fanbase, such as updates about ongoing projects (the dragged-out recording of the audiobook, for one).
In early 2014, lifetime memberships were closed, and replaced with monthly, quarterly and yearly subscription tiers. Bizarrely, you ended up paying $3 more per month if you bought a $99 yearly subscription📝 – but it did include the patch, dog tag, and piece of paper!

Sometimes I kind of want to be part of the cool kids and register to the Asylum Army. Then I remember how it came about, what you could get for the same price a couple years ago, how the whole thing was and is handled, and that I won’t support any of this bullshit. (And then I roll around naked in all the money I’m saving.) (🐀)

Still, a number of fans rejoiced at the affordable monthly option, and joined – if not for the exclusive content and merch (which were... okay, but not much to write home about), then for the friendly, drama-free exchanges with an artist they actually did love, in spite of all the frustration.
For the still-too-poor or still-undecided, there was always the forum! It wasn't as active as it used to be, but a few die-hards still managed to keep the lights on... until, inevitably, Someone Did Something and Ruined Everything. (Once again: EA's wrath is spectacular, but rarely completely unprovoked.) The incident features one notable figure in the Asylum community. Let's call him the Collector.
OK, so maybe you remember the meme I linked to in Part 4, with Christian Grey and the ginormous EA hoard. Well, that's the Collector's collection. The “Violin” promo that I called the "Holy Grail of the fandom" in the same paragraph? Also his. The handwritten lyrics that went for $940? Guess who won that auction. Over the years, the Collector had probably spent five figures on EA merch and shows, and although that fact was a little unsettling, he was a very active, easy-going, and generally well-liked fixture of the fandom.
One day in 2012, shortly after the Headmistress had replaced EA's old Chicago BFF as main forum admin, the Collector's account got banned or restricted over something dumb. When the ban wasn't lifted as quickly as he hoped, he took it... the way one takes things when one is unhealthily invested: he started spamming Headmistress and the mod team with increasingly rambling and abusive emails (lost to time, probably for the best). When that didn't work quickly enough, he tried a different route.
One of the many auctions that the Collector had won, some years prior, was EA's old iPod Touch📝 – which contained all of her favorite tunes and, buried somewhere in the data cache... a phone number. Which the Collector tried calling. And wouldn't you know it: EA picked up. She congratulated him on his sleuthing skills, listened patiently as he made his case, apologized for any distress caused by the unfair account restriction, and then they got married.
Kidding! She freaked the fuck out, hung up, and banned him for life from the forum and all EA shows and events.
After his ban, the Collector allegedly still tried to attend at least one VIP pre-show (one source in the comments says he was allowed to buy some merch, refunded for his ticket, and escorted out). He joined the Reform forum to bitch about EA and try to rally people to his cause, possibly made revenge posts about her on darker snark forums, and continued to hound the Asylum mod team. So in June 2014, EA came up with a radical and unexpected fix to the Collector problem.

The official Asylum Fan Forum has been shut down permanently. I have personally paid thousands of dollars each year to keep the forum safe and secure for you ... Unfortunately, the forum has not been kept safe and secure for me, a truth which disappoints me greatly, instead becoming a place where people who have physically threatened myself and my staff prey upon forum members, pressuring them to contact me and my staff on their behalf. If the gullible wish to humor my stalkers (who live in their parent’s basement at age 30 something) and thus put me in danger, they may do it on their own dime. They may also fuck off, because stupidity can kill, and I won’t be your victim. To those who enjoyed the forum, you know who to thank for its closure. (“On the closing of the Asylum Forum”)

Voilà! This is how a decade-long archive of shared history ends: not with a bang, but with a dirty delete and a sod-off communiqué.
The obliteration of the forum took everyone by surprise...

I was actually on the forum when it was taken down. I was navigating between posts and when I went to click on a different board, an error message came up. I honestly cried a little, I'm not ashamed to say. (WVC admin on Reddit, 2024)

...and I do mean everyone:

Chicago BFF / ex-admin, the next morning: Whoa, EA forum shut down? Ex-mod: It turns out that if someone spends enough years actively “waging war” to destroy what they can’t have, eventually they’ll be successful. * eye roll * Not even mods got prior warning. Just all the sudden, poof, gone. BFF: Really? She did not let the moderators know?! This is sounding worse and worse. Uggh. I’m so sorry. Such a loss. (...) Ok, threats are serious, but why not just put it in archive mode so no one can post? (...) Sad. I shall light a candle in the forum's honor. (Facebook posts; scroll down for screenshots)

It was a gut punch, especially for people who had poured countless hours into the community, or could have used some prior warning to save years of their own writing from the role-playing threads. One last chance to take a look around the place that had meant so much to so many.

From the wording of the announcement of closing the forum and a number of other things, it sometimes seems like EA doesn't like her fans much. :/ (🐀)

Three months after the forum was nuked, Battered Rose (a venerable EA fansite, which had been around since the Enchant era and had one of the most complete EA galleries online) announced that it was shutting down too.📝 The admin, who had also been a long-time forum mod, cited a lack of “time, energy, passion, or money” to keep the website going... and being upset at the sudden disappearance of the forum. It was, truly, the end of an era for the Asylum.
...Well, no point in living in the past. For those who could afford it, and still wanted to talk to/about EA after that (not everyone did 🐀), there was always the Asylum Army fanclub!
Over the summer of 2014, EA held regular live chats and Q&A's, and... many attendees really enjoyed them, and thought the AA was well worth the money after all. She also quietly parted ways with the much poo-pooed Headmistress around that time.

Just spent over 4 hours giggling, drinking tea and playing guessing games in chat with EA and other Asylum Army members ... No griping, no downers, just lots of fun. I think I like the way the ‘new fandom’ is going and now I’m really glad I finally decided to join the Army. (September 4, 2014🐀; Battered Rose had closed the day before)

The forum was lost forever, but perhaps that was a chance for a fresh start. Could this fanclub thing really be the Asylum Renaissance that fans had been longing for?

...I have come today to a very difficult but necessary decision, and that is to discontinue the Emilie Autumn Official Fanclub. The site itself, and the community chatroom, will remain open to you indefinitely, but I will no longer be making updates to the site. (Newsletter, September 8, 2014📝)

...Never mind, then.
Turns out the fanclub had been the Headmistress' idea all along. EA had been reluctant from the start, and although she really enjoyed the live chats with a safe community of people “who are there for the right reasons”, she couldn't overcome her fundamental discomfort with the concept. Lifetime and regular members would receive a bunch of digital downloads and a -35% coupon on the Asylum Emporium for their troubles. EA said she would definitely pop back once in a while for live chats, for free, just for fun, but to my knowledge, she never did.
And so the most devoted fans were left standing in the rain...

She is happy, she made it. She is fulfilling her dreams, found love and happiness after all the pain. I understand that she now doesn’t need “us” anymore ... That doesn’t change the fact she broke my heart with taking the Asylum Army and the forum from me. Yet, I am happy for her. (🐀)

...while naysayers pointed and laughed, Nelson-style.🦠

I don’t feel sorry at all for the people that paid for the Asylum Army fan club. Most of them knew that EA is an atrocious business woman and has broken many promises before. In fact, I laugh at them. They seriously thought that EA would actually stay consistent with this? (🐀)

EVERYTHING MUST GO: THE ASYLUM WHOLESALE

EA fans were left without an “official” home for about three years. This gave them plenty of time to be annoyed at EA for: not releasing the audiobook on time, not materializing any new project for a while... and the new sin of peddling random, ridiculously marked-up AliBaba jewelry as “merch” on her official store. Think faux-antique cameo pendants and $30 Big Ben rings (...because the Asylum story is set in London, get it?).

The whole accessories section looks like a tacky overpriced English souvenir shop. (🐀)

The fanbase lost a lost of steam in those in-between years, because there wasn't much to stick around for. As evidenced by the positive reception of the AA live chats, even in the midst of unresolved drama, out-loud interactions in a friendly environment have always been EA's saving grace. Considering the amount of online hate, there are shockingly few accounts of bad IRL encounters with EA: most people say that in live conversation, she comes across as a fun, warm, and genuinely sweet person. Some report that their negative opinion shifted after meeting her.
But there were no chats or live shows anymore. There was only social media, where she ignored questions and vague-posted about overdue projects – and the newsletter📝, which was all saccharine love-bombing to promote bland dropshipped trinkets. For fans who remembered the handcrafted merch (and two-way communication) of the early years, it was a bitter pill to swallow.

CONTINUED IN COMMENTS

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Besides the questions in the title I tired to elaborate a little and also each question(s) has two, a. and b. sections. Section a. is meant for sort of a broad understanding. Section b. is my personal, specific case example (active claim, CA ~10 months).
I'm sure who you'll see will depend on state law, your injury, among other things. Regardless of who you see, more importantly: How do we (the injured worker) know if who we've been assigned to is doing their job correctly or just having an off day, since we know it's not required to have good bedside manner, what are they required by definition AND law? That said:

1a. Despite case by case variations; who are personnel that everyone will see no matter what? What should you expect from them, and is there more they can do...but only if you know how to ask? I'm imagining a knowledgeable answer would be a long list of all the possible outcomes within the maximum allowed in WC, but probably more helpful is to address the most common. A small list may only include a companies HR, Claims adjustor, and an Occupational Health doctor for example. Then continuing the list after those essential people is there typically a usual process where if once your case goes for a certain amount of time or ______ happens, you could expect to meet these ______ job title? I'm hoping to help other people at least have an idea of what to expect out of said people.

1b. TLDR: Here's one of the biggest examples of not knowing who to talk to and whether that information is correct. I have not been given crucial test results from 3 months ago. Original test (Neuropathy) doc said to get my results from my doctor, who sends me to therapist, who sends me back to doctor, my adjustor says doctor, doctor sends me to "Specialist", turns out not specialist, who sends me back to my doctor...ummmm....WTF do I do at my next doctors visits in a few days??

1b (cont.) It has come to my attention that I'm completely unaware of exactly what a large majority of the people I've been assigned to see do. In fact, in what capacity do I "have to see them"? Can I request a swap, or how do I make a complaint? I have been MORE than patient, and I've given the benefit of the doubt for so long that I can no longer accept being passed along. I'm already back where I started, for the 3rd time. Uh...so, besides just wanting information for myself, I'd think the test results should help me heal. I've been denied more treatments (Appeal's denied too) where I'd think that those test results could play a crucial role. Where once I thought there has there been a miscommunication, now feels like I'm in an echo chamber, or worse. This is quite alarming as it also shines light into the fact that I am also unaware of how "my doctor" can best help me, if at all. "My doctor", the one I'm required to see at Occupational Health, (I'm told I not allowed to see my family doctor) doesn't seem to do anything other than fill out the "Return to work form". Is that correct? How would I know?? They seem to just write whatever I tell them. Similarly the same goes for what treatments I've gotten. Best I can tell, there is no indication they have reviewed any of the information from other doctors and therapists. It's now going on 3 months where I haven't been given test results.

Unfortunately it's not just my doctor who I'm not getting information from. "Generic Adjustor" Enters the chat. or maybe not, because to top off the confusion, I can't get ahold of my adjustor who so far been the one steering me into the .... direction. Unfortunately I believe I'm waking up too late. I've called multiple times a day for a week straight while leaving messages and follow up emails noting that I've called. They do respond to email, which usually consists of one line stating something like "call anytime, I'll be in the office all week".. Funny thing is I'm not sure what exactly they are even supposed to do or bare minimum required to do. Even when I get ahold of them, I'm questioning if I can even trust them. I'm not saying "it's conspiracy". However due to the most recent info I've gotten, I do think the run around could be very deliberate play. How do I know if they're simply bad at their job or leaving me in the dark. It sure feels like it's purposeful. This all came to a head when after reviewing our last few emails, I see a pattern where they only respond to some of the questions, and even have given verifiably incorrect, contradictory information. How do I check these facts? Should I talk to a supervisor? Is there a system to check and balance these things? Who do I talk to? It all came to a head when I opened mail to find: Request of QME with the reason being "Objection to Primary Treating Physician's determination regarding temporary disability, permanent disability, or the need for future medical care." Aggravating but I'm sure they followed the (rules I was unaware of) book. It's questions like this that have me really, really upset: What is even meant by "Objection to Primary Treating Physician's determination"? 1. Quick sidebar - is that decision made by the "my doctor" that I described earlier - or the "Provider"? > Meaning, those two terms have been used interchangeably, and I fear that, and why I used quotes for "my doctor" earlier, I'm wondering if this other name (who happens to be another doctor at the Occupational Health office) a person I have never met let alone seen is the one calling the shots. Either way I'm pretty worried. 2. Here is another example which shows only a part of the circle of "who do I talk to". Here is a quote from my adjustor 10 days after the letter had been officiated, but before I got it states "you have not seen a specialist, attended a QME, or have a clear treatment plan defined by your primary treating physician.". Am I wrong to have read that to believe I'd still be seeing a specialist? Doesn't it read that the information the specialist decides would be what determines the next step? Isn't it safe to say that by month 10 I'd have a treatment plan --of course unless your not privy to your own test results?
Ending note: There is so many more examples I could give which to me paint a picture of neglect. From what I can tell, I either already signed my rights away or it's just not worth the fight. I don't even want to fight, or believed there would be a reason for a disagreement due to my injury but since that bubble of disillusionment has popped, how can I reproach getting the best medical treatment. I was lead to believe that after seeing a specialist I would have the option to get a second opinion before the QME. I haven't even seen the first specialist (I was sent to an office with a specialist in it, but the person I saw was just a family practitioner).and since both my doctor and my adjutor are not helping ---Who the fuck do I talk to?

LOOOONG first time trip report! 5/13-5/18, stayed at Beach Club, visited all four parks, bought Genie+ every day, had the standard DDP. Family of 4, two girls 5 and 9. I learned so much from this group over the past year and especially loved trip reports, so hopefully this post will be helpful to someone!
💲BUDGET💲
-- I booked the trip a year out so I could break it up into 12 manageable payments. I opened the no fee Disney VISA, which gives you several months of no interest on charges made towards Disney travel packages, rewards dollars to use at Disney, and a couple other perks like character meet and greets and discounts.
-- I signed up for Disney Movie Insiders. This is what you're supposed to do with all those little codes that come in Disney DVDs/Blurays. You enter the codes in exchange for points, and at 1000 points, you can redeem for a $10 Disney gift card. You also get points for being subscribed to Disney+, seeing Disney movies in the theater, their social media accounts, and a whole bunch of other things. I got $50 in gift cards from this alone.
-- If you want Disney-themed luggage, try thinking outside the box to save money! I got plain luggage in Mickey colors--red and black--and Mickey luggage tags to make them Disney themed.
-- I tried to budget for souvenirs via gift cards... but I failed, lol. Everything is so expensive, $100 is gone in a second. Plushes are like $40, coffee cups are $20, etc. Whatever you're planning to spend, double it! I get what people say about most shops having the same stuff, but it's definitely not all of them, most of the ones post-ride have unique stuff. And honestly it's kind of nice most of them have the same stuff, if you want to get whatever your kid was asking for earlier, you don't have to walk all the way back to the one shop you saw it at.
-- We paid for Memory Maker and I'm on the fence about it. On the one hand, it's really nice to get all the ride photos and meet and greet photos and magic shots. It's also really nice for the whole family to be in a lot of pictures and not have to swap with the other adult or find someone willing to take your picture. On the other, we definitely didn't utilize it as much as I wanted to because a lot of the photographers had pretty long lines and I just didn't want to spend time waiting for a picture I could take myself. If we came across someone with a shortish or no line, we made sure to get it, but for anyone with a long line, we just stood around the same spot and took our own.
🗓️PLANNING🗓️
-- If you have kids and live within easy driving distance of another amusement park, highly recommend making a visit BEFORE going to Disney to get an idea of how they handle that kind of day/environment, especially if they have never been. I quickly discovered we would absolutely need a stroller and I would need to be militant with the kids about staying hydrated. Also to avoid face paint, as heat + tears + paint + eyes = bad day! I felt so much better making these discoveries beforehand and being able to prepare accordingly, rather than making them at Disney.
-- USE AN AGENT! An agent is free to you, so why not have the help? Ours was amazing, she gave us quotes, booked the package, rebooked as needed later when a better deal came out, made all the payments, dining and extra reservations, and was just all-around awesome to work with. It was such a load off to know I wasn't on my own with all this stuff.
-- Watch everything Ear Scouts. No one explains Genie+ better, and Rob and Erick's videos are just so positive and beautiful and well done.
-- I also enjoyed reading Disney Tourist Blog--lovingly snarky but super informative!--and Disney Food Blog for fun tips and news.
-- I didn't find any park to be a half day park, we filled our whole day in every one and still didn't see everything!
-- My kids did really well, whenever they were on the verge of cranky, we had one ride in the stroller for a while, bought a snack (usually ice cream or popcorn), and used the bubble wand, and/or gave them some ibuprofen, and everyone felt better pretty quick. We never tried to do fireworks, we were all done by 8 so always left after dinner. The only park we closed down was EPCOT because we didn't get out of dinner until after close, and that was a really cool experience, the park was so quiet and empty and beautiful!
-- You don't NEED a Magic Band... but man, was it convenient. We just had 1.0 Magic Bands though, we didn't bother with the 2.0s.
-- I guess moving through security fast is important to people rope dropping... but as someone who didn't, it added like maybe 30 seconds to a minute to the experience the couple times my bag got flagged, it's really not a big deal.
-- I'm not saying anyone's lying about bad experiences or exaggerating or anything, but try to remember that far more people go on the Internet to complain than they do to praise. I got so stressed about all the things that could go wrong, and we had a pretty much perfect trip. The only attraction that broke down on us was Muppetvision, of all things. The only "bad behavior" we witnessed was the morning we were leaving, we could hear a dad across the hall yelling at his family, I think they overslept and were going to miss their flight or something? We just turned the TV on so we didn't have to hear him. A couple times we forgot to take our stuff with us when we parked our stroller or forgot some food in it, and neither people nor animals bothered it. The only dicey thing that happened to us was me dropping my phone into the Dumbo moat, the cast members fished it out and it still worked, I sent them a cast compliment for all their help! All the cast members were great, I'm not really sure what people expect but IMO they all do amazing for having to be peppy and helpful all day in absolutely blazing heat, walking a ride conveyer belt nonstop, repeating the same spiels over and over, meeting person after person, etc. I wouldn't last a 2 hour shift let alone 8. Cast members, you rock!!!
✈️TRAVEL✈️
-- We flew Delta, flight there was flawless, flight home was delayed by an hour waiting for crew and was a little bumpy (which is not great for a nervous flyer like me) but otherwise fine.
-- Get TSA PreCheck! Good for a few years, if the adults have it the kids have it too. It made the whole experience so much easier. That said, even PreCheck still moves kind of slow at MCO, so definitely get there at least 2 hours early for your flight. Use curbside check-in for bags, way faster than the long line inside!
-- On our agent's recommendation, we used Away We Go for ground transport in Orlando. They communicate really well, both ways were flawless, no complaints!
-- We used Minnie Vans to get to Animal Kingdom + Sanaa and Magic Kingdom, what a wonderful service! Definitely pricey, but they had cartoons on in the car, booster seats they set up for you, and the drivers were so nice and friendly and had fun trivia to share. I never had any problem requesting one when I needed it.
⛱️BEACH CLUB⛱️
-- We knew we wanted an onsite hotel where you could walk to at least one park. This pretty much limits you to a handful of Deluxe hotels or the Swan and Dolphin. Beach Club won for us because it's "in the Disney bubble" and you can walk to 2/4 parks. Note that while you can technically walk to Hollywood Studios, it is a LOOOONG walk. The boat is a nice not crowded alternative! We did not make use of Early Entry or Extended Hours, we're just not built for either. Beach Club was lovely, we booked a resort view but I think we ended up with a water view, we were right by the quiet pool and could see the water beyond from our room. Stormalong Bay was a little crazy for us but we loved the quiet pool. Best thing about Beach Club though is the location, EPCOT is literally steps away!
🌳ANIMAL KINGDOM🌳
-- We had read that there's really no bad day to do AK, so we started there. We rode: Navi River Journey, Flight of Passage, Kali River Rapids, Everest, Kilimanjaro Safaris, Triceratops Spin, and Dinosaur--so pretty much everything! With Genie+ we walked onto all of them. We also met Moana, Pocahontas, and Russell! The only thing we didn't do here that we wanted to was the Gorilla Falls trail, but we just ran out of time before the park closed.
🌐EPCOT🌐
-- We had read to avoid EPCOT on Fridays and Saturdays, so we went on Wednesday. We rode: Grand Fiesta Tour, Living with the Land, Nemo, Spaceship Earth, Imagination with Figment, Frozen, Remy, Journey of Water, and Guardians--everything we wanted! Again, with Genie+, we walked right onto everything! Outside of our character meal (more on that in the dining section!), we also met Anna, Elsa, and Asha! Tried a couple of Flower and Garden snacks: chicken and waffles, fruit and cheese strudel, and potato pancakes, all were delicious! Everyone had a different favorite day, but EPCOT was personally my favorite day, it felt like we were firing on all cylinders and the day just went really smoothly!
🏰MAGIC KINGDOM🏰
-- We had read that Wednesdays were the quietest days at MK, so we were originally going to try to do it that day, but we could only get a reservation for Cinderella's Royal Table on Thursday, so we switched it up. Definitely the most crowded of all the parks we visited, but I think that's just the norm for MK, everyone wants to go to the castle park with the most rides. We rode: Regal Carousel, Tomorrowland Speedway, Barnstormer, Magic Carpets, Mad Tea Party, People Mover, Dumbo, Small World, Little Mermaid, Pirates, Space Ranger Spin, Jungle Cruise, TRON, and Peter Pan. Again, with Genie+, we walked right onto everything! The only ride we missed at this park that we wanted to do was Pooh, I couldn't manage to get a return time that was earlier than we planned on leaving. Outside of our character meals (more on those in the dining section!) we also met Mirabel, Tiana, and Rapunzel! We had both the Rapunzel and Aurora ice creams, both so good and cute!
🎬HOLLYWOOD STUDIOS🎬
-- We had read that, like MK, it's better to do HS later in the week, so we went Friday. We rode: Slinky, Alien Saucers, Toy Story Mania, Rise, Smuggler's Run, Runaway Railway. Again, with Genie+, we walked right onto everything! The only ride we missed was Tower of Terror, again I couldn't manage to get a return time that was earlier than we planned on leaving. We also met Olaf, be aware Olaf doesn't sign stuff, they just give you a signature card. This park needs more shade IMO, especially Toy Story Land, I know it's supposed to be Andy's backyard, but I don't see why that means we can't have some shade from trees or something. 🤪 Blue milk from Galaxy's Edge was really good, the family was all fighting over it!
🍽️DINING🍽️
-- We almost certainly lost some money on the DDP, but I'm still glad we got it because it allowed us to do more table service meals and have less stress overall about expenses. We easily used up everything but child quick service credits, we had a few of those left over near the end.
Here's where we ate!
BOARDWALK DELI/PIZZA WINDOW: Pizza for the kids, sandwiches for the adults. Tasty and satisfying after our day of travel!
BEACHES AND CREAM: Got the kitchen sink for the experience, but honestly it's not great, all the ice cream and toppings melt together quick and you just end up with weird ice cream soup.
SAT'ULI CANTEEN: LOVED this place, everything was so yummy! Best quick service we had!
SANAA: Since Animal Kingdom closes so early, we thought we'd try to extend the experience by eating at Sanaa. What a great idea, we got seated right by a window and saw so many animals! The food was great too.
AKERSHUS: Our favorite princess meal! We met Aurora, Tiana, Snow White, Ariel, and Belle. They were all lovely, and the breakfast was really good too. Only 1 credit on the DDP!
GARDEN GRILL: Our kids really enjoyed getting to look down over Living with the Land and the fact that the restaurant spins. We met Farmer Mickey, Pluto, and Chip and Dale. They were fun and even came to our table more than once. Food was good!
SPACE 220: Not on the DDP, but wow, what a cool restaurant! Almost like a ride with the theming and the elevator up. Food was really good.
CINDERELLA'S ROYAL TABLE: You gotta eat in the castle! We paid for it OOP because we didn't want to use up 2 DDP credits here. You're really going for the location and the princesses, the food is kinda meh, not bad but not as good as other places. The restaurant is small and they have to turn tables quick, so it's very understandable to me that the princesses have to move fast. It's not that they rush you, they'll take all the pictures you ask for and sign whatever and answer your questions, but if you don't have much you need, they try to keep moving. Akershus is much bigger so they are able to be more relaxed there. The only small bummer is that we didn't see Merida (maybe she was on vacation too!) We did meet Cinderella, Ariel, Jasmine, and Aurora though!
CRYSTAL PALACE: We are not big on buffets but we enjoyed meeting Pooh, Piglet, Eeyore and Tigger!
TOPOLINO'S: Maybe the best food of the trip, steak and eggs were so good! The character artist costumes are so cute too. It was fun to have an excuse to ride the Skyliner to get here from Beach Club too.
DOCKING BAY 7: The theming is great, but the food wasn't as good as Satuli Canteen IMO.
THE MARKET AT ALE & COMPASS: We had quick service credits we wanted to use up on the last day and we didn't want to leave the resort again, otherwise I would have gone somewhere else, food was meh.
✨EXTRAS✨
-- I originally wanted to book Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique for my kids, but it's so expensive/competitive that I decided I didn't want the stress. Instead I booked Have Wand, Will Travel to come to our room and bought dresses from Presley Couture and Only Little Once. I chose Have Wand, Will Travel because they keep character throughout. Fairy Godmother Elyse was amazing and so much fun, my kids loved it and kept talking about it all day!
-- That same morning I ordered a Sammicakes breakfast box with beignets for us to eat. I also ordered a pretend letter from The DCP and Me on Etsy to make it seem like the breakfast came from Tiana. My kids also loved this and had fun telling Tiana about it both times we met her. Sammicakes was good but a LOT of food, sadly we didn't end up eating half of it. It can last you at least 3 days!
-- We had Birthdays and More decorate our door, it was a really fun surprise for the kids on our first day and made our room easy to find. The kids also loved reusing the decorations at home on their own doors!
-- Matching shirts and ear hats, all from Etsy! So many cool designs there, hardest part is choosing!
-- Got my kids a pin trading lanyard with some pins, they loooooved pin trading! It was like free souvenirs.
🧳PACKING🧳
-- Things the Internet Told Me to Pack That I Needed: Scissors, ziploc bags, ibuprofen (kids and adults), garbage bags, big carabiners to hook on the strolleuse to carry multiple bags at once.
-- Things the Internet Told Me to Pack that I Didn't Need: stainless steel straws (the paper straws are more like hard cardboard, they really don't break down unless your kid is gnawing on them or something), ponchos (it did rain some most days, but wearing a poncho was almost more miserable than not wearing one, it's so hot and humid to be walking around in a plastic bag! We did better taking shelter and using umbrellas.), wipes (obv you need them if your kid is younger, but mine were older and just never got messy enough to need them), glow sticks (we never stayed anywhere long enough to use them), bottled wateLiquid IV (the tap water tasted the same as home to us, but we live in a rural area so maybe we are just used to imperfect water?) Basically, the less you can get away carrying in the parks, the better. It's annoying to lug stuff around you don't end up needing or using!
🛞STROLLER🛞
-- I know it seems insane that your 5 year old and 9 year old will need a stroller, but mine definitely did. Once I accepted that I was going to have to get one, I tried to make the best of it, and actually got really into decorating it so we could always easily spot it in the sea (the decorations also later made nice wall decor for a gallery of our trip!) The Magic Spotter flag was the best investment, hardly anyone had them so it was easy to instantly spot our stroller anywhere we left it, even if it got moved. That said, I definitely didn't want to spend a lot on a stroller we were really only buying for this one trip, so I got a used Joovy Caboose on Facebook Marketplace for $50. It was very hard to handle with two older kids in it, and even with one it was hard to handle unless the kid was in the back seat. So we basically used it like a single stroller, glad I didn't spend a lot on it since it was so hard to drive!
☔WEATHER☔
-- We had mostly great weather, it rained some every day except Magic Kingdom day but it passed within an hour each time. We wore socks with Crocs so that if/when it rained, we could just take our wet socks off and walk in our Crocs, this worked great! Don't trust the weather reports though, two days it wasn't supposed to rain. One day it actually didn't, the other day it did and we had to walk in wet shoes because we didn't wear the Crocs that day. Just figure it might rain any day and be prepared! See above note RE: ponchos being not great and shelter + umbrellas being better. When it didn't rain, It. Was. Hot. 🥵 In the 90s but definitely felt hotter with the humidity making it so sticky. We felt there was plenty of shade at Animal Kingdom and EPCOT, but hardly any at Magic Kingdom and Hollywood Studios, which I would say slightly affected how much fun we had on those days comparatively.
Phew! That's about it, let me know if you have any questions!

Robots are already replacing Internet users by creating virtual reality for them. Virtual reality allows users to interact with computers and other devices without physical contact .It is quite possible that soon the "Internet" will be replaced by a personal advertising application with fake fans of the brands "X in a circle" entering into discussions with the same neurofan of the "triangle of letters"
The Dead Internet theory is an online conspiracy theory that claims that the modern internet consists mainly of bot activity and automatically generated content driven by algorithmic curation.
Targeted advertising is a way to display ads on social networks tailored to the interests and demographics of the audience. It allows you to interact with customers, inform them about products, increase brand awareness and attract attention to promotions and discounts. Targeted advertising can be used for direct sales, warming up the audience and increasing customer loyalty.
A digital bubble is a phenomenon in which websites determine what information a user wants to see based on their location, past activities, and preferences. As a result, websites show only information that is consistent with the user's past points of view, and he becomes intellectually isolated in his information bubble.
It's great, of course, if I can get Megacorporation bots with my stories about the fucking Dishonord, but it's sad that we'll never get together with them...

Nicholas Mattison bumped his shoulder as he stretched his arms over his head, pulled back the soft pink curtain that draped over his bed like a canopy, and rubbed the sleep out of his green eyes as his bare feet met the plush carpeting of his bedroom.
If Nicholas was any more alert than his still-sleepy, bedheaded current self, he might have astutely recognized that the bed was a little too small for his lanky frame, or recalled that the bed in his freshman dorm definitely didn't have lacy, rose-hued canopy curtains.
The unlikely array of unfamiliar accoutrements in Nicholas' room only properly crystallized once he squinted and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, glancing around a space that resolutely wasn't his. Gone were the haphazard textbooks splayed across his desk, the guitar that had been propped against the mirror hanging on his closet door, and the laundry basket he promised himself he'd get to on Saturday morning, first thing.
Instead, Nicholas' field of view was met with walls painted a garish shade of bubblegum pink, a neat row of posters advertising pop stars he'd never heard of before, and an ornate door with a sign that read "Nick's Room" in bubble-letter script.
With a surge of panic, he pulled open the closet door, biting his lower lip with a brow-furrowing frown when he saw a walk-in selection of elegant ball gowns and starchy-frilled ballerina tutus.
Where WAS he?
**
Hello! Thanks for reading a silly prompt. I wanted to leave it mysterious so we can fill in some blanks together, but the gist of the prompt is this: Our protagonist discovers that, one way or another, he's found himself living in (read: trapped) a dollhouse. Like the post's title says, a daring escape ensues!
And that brings us to your character: Who is she? A fellow college student who found herself plucked from her normal life and brought to the dollhouse? Is she a brought-to-life doll who already lives there? Is she the supervillainess/mad scientist/crazy gal who owns the dollhouse and is gleeful to have a new plaything in Nicholas? It's your call!
If you're interested, please send a message my way! I ask that you be at least 20 as well, with a knack for descriptive, detailed posts that are at least 200 words or so long. (I break Discord's character limit like it's my job, so there's no shame there!) Let me know what you think of the idea, any concepts you might have, and who you may write as a character opposite Nicholas. See you in the dollhouse soon!

Chapter 26 - The Infinite Beckons
Previous Chapter
“Okay, this part’s a little tricky.” Ma’et gestured out the shuttle’s cockpit. “You got lined up easy enough, and our velocity’s at a relative zero to the ship. The bay door’s open. Now you engage the lateral thrusters while monitoring the distance from the shuttle to the bay’s interior wall. Come in too fast and you’ll damage them both..”
Trix looked over at the controls, and the neatly gummed labels that the humans had placed over the English text with her own language. She gingerly pressed the ‘Lateral Thruster’ button, then as the control knob next to it lit up, she twisted it slowly.
An earlier misadventure when lining up the ship and the shuttle where she’d twisted the control knob much more rapidly made her much more cautious about giving it too much power too quickly, yet the shuttle slowly drifted - away from the ship. “Other thruster, feathers.”
Chagrined, she dialed the thruster back to zero, then rotated it the other direction. The ship immediately stopped moving away, and instead drifted into the hangar bay. Trix watched as it drifted past the door, staring at the distance readout until it dropped into the yellow and immediately swung the knob the other way. It took a couple of tries to get the velocity back to zero, but she managed it.
“Beautiful. Now we engage the grav plating which lets the ship’s internal grav pull us down as it ramps up, and close the external door via the console over there.” Ma’et gestured to the remote console, and Trix scanned it, punching the buttons as she found them.
“Nicely done. Go ahead and hit the engine shutdown. In the old days there’d be like, thirty steps to it but nearly all of it is automated. But lucky you, you get to read all about the manual sequence since taking over in the event of computer failure is one of a pilot’s duties.” Ma’et chuckled and squeezed Trix’s shoulder. “For now, that’s good enough. Go ahead and open both the lateral boarding door, and the rear loading door. Also extend the rear loading ramp.”
Trix did, then glanced over at Ma’et. “Anything more?”
“Nope. First day on the job, and you’ve done the first job successfully. Not perfectly, but pretty damn good for your first time piloting off planet. Go ahead and head back to talk with the Captain, and I’ll handle the rest.”
Trix unbuckled the acceleration harness (Though, she felt zero acceleration during the entire trip so she couldn’t fathom just WHY Ma’et had insisted on her buckling in) and moved past the much smaller woman as she left the cockpit.
In the back, Josh was already outside the ship, grabbing a handtruck. She watched as he pushed it up the loading ramp to the stack of boxes that contained the food and equipment she’d need for the next few weeks of existence here in space. “Why aren’t you using one of the gravity belts?” She gestured over to the wall where the belts were hanging.
“Eh, this stuff’s fairly light and those have a limited lifespan. I don’t want to burn out the Keplite cores on stuff we can just move by hand. They’re expensive.”
“Oh. What’s Keplite, anyway? Ji and Min have mentioned it a few times.” Trix glanced over at the large belts with their big circular pads in the middle.
Before Josh could answer, Alex walked in between them. “Ji, Min! We’re going to be converting the room across from yours back into crew quarters for Trix. Gonna need you two to move the Spider. Is there room here in the hangar for it?”
“It’ll fit better if we assemble it and use packing mode.” Ji countered, as he hopped out of the shuttle. “It’ll take a day or so. We’ve got it spread all out in there.”
Alex turned over to Trix and beckoned. “Follow me. Gonna give you the full tour while they’re unloading." He took a few steps back, then lifted his arms wide to gesture to their surroundings. "This is obviously the hangar bay. Shuttle's the big thing you were just flying. Below us is a small cargo hold, empty right now. Not gonna show you unless you happen to like large empty boring-ass boxes.” He raised an eyebrow, and Trix quickly shook her head. "Alright. Most of the shit in here is just maintenance tools and loading gear. Nothing exciting. Ramp to main transit corridor here."
They walked out into the hallway. “Okay, well through that door’s opposite the hangar is the fabber bay. The fabber is a huge machine that manufactures stuff for us, like a 3D printer. Do you guys have anything like that?” Trix shrugged, and Alex continued. “Well either way, it can make virtually anything from a bed to a bomb to a computer. The more complex and difficult items take a hell of a lot longer to make. It’s also a major power hog since the manufacturing process uses extremely powerful fields, both magnetic and force. In other words, if you need something and we didn’t bring it with you we can make it here.”
He walked down the hall a bit, and gestured to the doors on either side. “Launcher bays, 1 and 2. Normally we use ‘em to launch beacons, buoys, sensors, things like that into space. If someone tries to start shit with us we CAN use them to launch missiles but we have very few of those available. We’re not out here to get in fights, but if we have to defend ourselves we pack a big punch.” He opened one of the doors and walked inside. “The big hatch over there is the manual tube loader. The ship can auto-load various things but if we need to put something into space that isn’t already in storage, that’s where we do it. If Ji tells you to climb in yourself, he’s joking and you should hit him because it only exists to launch shit into space.”
Trix laughed at that, but she had learned enough of Ji’s sense of humor while working on the car to understand the sentiment. “Will I even be in here at all though?”
“Maybe. If something needs to be manually loaded, we use these. Back when we were at the derelict ship I had to send a battery over to help out while we planned our rescue. You might be asked to do the same.” Alex shrugged and lead her out into the hall. “Last thing here is the ship’s primary armament.” He reached over to the side of the hallway and pressed a hatch release. The compartment it lead to was incredibly small and tightly cramped.
“We don’t use it much outside of scaring off pirates or relieving stress, but this is our primary weapon out in space. Eight-chamber five meter long rotary railgun. Fires one round every 1.2 seconds that travel roughly a million kilometers per hour when fired stationary, or closer to 280 kilometers per second. It fires either solid armor-piercing unguided slugs or flak munitions that are used to produce clouds of metallic debris. The former will shred a ship’s armor and pulverize anything inside. The latter can overwhelm particle shields and damage exterior components without nearly as much penetration. The reason I’m saying all this to you,” He tapped the top of the cannon where it joined to the ship. “This thing’s got a super limited firing arc. Meaning that we can only shoot what we’re pointed at. If, by some miracle, we get into a fight out there then our ability to shoot back is gonna depend on your ability to fly the ship while facing the enemy.”
Trix swallowed heavily as she tried to imagine just how powerful this massive cannon was. She glanced over at the side of it, to the twin belts that fed in ammo. Each round it would fire was longer than her forearm and thicker than her waist.
“That’s the worst case scenario though. In reality, if we get into any shit out there, fighting is the LAST thing we want to do. Negotiation to avoid hostility first, escape second, fight last.” Alex shooed her out of the compartment. “That said if we encounter any low-yield junk out there then we’ll get some target practice in. If you’re game then we can let you try targeting for a bit and unload some kinetic mayhem while things are dull.” He grinned wickedly, as he manually pulled the hatch back into place, sliding two large locking levers into place.
“Okay, that’s it for this deck. There’s stairs on the far side leading up to the tech deck but the ladder here’s quicker.”
They climbed up the ladder, with Alex leading and Trix following. Her wings banged against the ceiling as she climbed, and it took her a few moments to get them tucked in tight enough to get through the hatch but with Alex’s help they got up there.
“Tech deck. Mostly. In the front of the ship here right under Bridge access is the exception, the pool room.” He opened the door and they walked in together. “Mainly used for observation but the pool there is great for relaxation. You can adjust the temperature with the controls on the wall there, goes from chilly to full on hot tub. Adjustable depth from 3 to 10 feet, and the pool walls are display panels. If you use a breather it’s fun to turn the display to external then go down underwater and relax while staring at the stars. Do you swim much?”
Trix nodded. “Sure, there’s a river a… couple kilometers? I think? I’m not good with converting distances yet. Anyway, it’s near the hab and we’d go there when I was younger and didn’t have as much to do in the fields.”
“Cool. Well, feel free to use it but just a word of warning you might want to check if anyone’s in first. Swimwear is optional and since the crew is a pretty tight family we don’t usually get embarrassed if we’re seen swimming in the buff.” Alex waved over at the control console. “If you’re not sure the big green button on the outside is the comm button, just ask if anyone’s using it.”
“Ji brought me in here when we came up to do the medical scans. He showed me Kiveyt from orbit for the first time. Do all human ships have a room like this?” Trix reached over to dip her hand into the water. It was quite warm to the touch.
“Nah. This ship wasn’t originally designed as a scout ship or survey ship. It was originally a yacht. Big luxury vehicle for rich people to fly around in space and have fun in. Throw parties. Most of the ridiculous amenities it has I got rid of ages ago, but that left a huge amount of space we filled up with all the launchers and sensors and whatnot. I kept the pool though because I love soaking after a long day.” He pressed the door control and they left the pool room.
“Just past the pool room on either side of the ship we have collection dishes for D-space particles. Those are EVA only, so you won’t be dealing with those. They let us collect extremely powerful particles which lead back here.” Alex spoke as he walked, and turned the corner into a much, much larger room.
“This is the ship’s main power supply. Charged particles enter the torus reactor and discharge energy which is converted into electrical power and routed through the ship. Those bottles over there…” He gestured to four massive grey metal canisters on the wall. “Contain the actual particles. They’re made of the strongest materials we have because if one ruptured, the ship would instantly explode from the inside out. Don’t worry,” Alex quickly raised his hands. “The chances of that happening are virtually impossible. This is the single most well-protected location on the ship.”
He gestured to the other side of the large room. “Over there’s the terminals that Min is usually at. She and Ji are in charge of all engineering. That means power, propulsion, all computer systems, and the like. Well, the physical parts of them that is. Ma’et is our computer geek when it comes to integration, programming, and all the fun software shit.”
Alex left the room, and gestured to the other side. “I’m sure you’re familiar with medical over there. Let’s do us both a favor and not have to go there much. Otherwise I’m pretty sure Kyshe will gut me.” He didn’t stop to show her inside, and they reached the main staircase. “The back half of the ship on this deck is all propulsion access and maintenance. I’m more or less our damage control guy, along with Ji and Min. For them it’s because they’re smart as shit and for me it’s because I had to learn how to maintain my own ship. Most common damage out here is stray micro meteors or debris while we’re parked and the particle shields are down. Sometimes worn out components inside. Again, no EVA for you so the only thing you’ll need to worry about for DC is being an assistant to one of us while we fix shit.”
They went up the stairwell to the uppermost of the three floors. “There used to be an observation bubble above us, but I had it removed because it was useless. Even if I covered it with ablative plating it was a massive wart on top of the ship that served zero practical purpose. Anyway, the top floor here is where you’ll spend 90% of your time on the ship. Back here…” Alex started walking to the rear of the ship, and walked through a large open doorway. “Mess hall. We generally have two kinds of meals here - when we’re on long deployment, the food extruder over there can produce rations. They’re not amazing but they’re quick both to make and eat. It’ll also make reasonable meat and dairy substitutes. If you want a real meal though we usually keep the good stuff in deep freeze so it takes a fair amount of time to be ready. Other than that the bev dispenser is over there. Water and various juices on tap all the time, alcohol is restricted only to meals only. We all get together for breakfast and dinner though, since it’s just a good way to socialize. Tonight expect a big meal in celebration.”
He walked out of the mess, and opened a door to a large open area. “Rec room. Not used a whole lot because most of us use haptic suits for exercise and recreation but we don’t have a suit that’ll fit you or your wings, so I want you to be in here twice a week at least. Ma’et is a great partner for any exercise that doesn’t involve fighting, unless you like bruises in which case she’ll happily go a few rounds with gloves on. Pilots don’t get the level of exercise you’re used to on the planet working fields so exercise up here will be pretty damn vital.”
She looked around the room, then hurried to catch up to the captain as he walked out. “On the other side of the hall from the Mess is general storage. Cleaning supplies, a small laundry unit if the one in your room quits working, random odds and ends. Also a few extra bunks just in case we need them. Unfortunately I am going to have to have you spend one night in here while we get your room cleaned up and ready for you.” He walked in, and over to one of the walls. “Bunk folds down from here. Looks, uh…” He glanced at the fold-down bed and back at Trix. “Looks tight. Do me a favor and see if you’re gonna be OK there?”
It was very close, but Trix laid down on the sleeping pad and adjusted until she found a good comfortable spot. “For just one night, this will do…”
“Alright, no worries then. We’ll have your room ready quick as we can.” She got off the pad and Alex gestured for her to follow. “Quarters themselves are here, 4 on either side of the main hallway. Myself, Josh, Ma’et, and Amanda on the right in that order. Ji, Min, Your quarters, and the last was converted into a mechanical room for Par. Speaking of…”
He walked into the last room and knocked on a large hatch. “Par, would it be alright if I introduced our newest shipmate?”
“Of course, Captain.” The hatch slid silently open revealing a large, intricate array. Circuit boards were laid out in rows and wires ran between them in perfectly neat, ordered channels. In the center of it all was a large oblong egg-looking object. “Trix, may I present to you Parathanelias Sigma-822.”
Several rows of lights lit up along the side of the egg, and the pleasant musical voice she’d heard so often came from a small speaker alongside it. “It is a pleasure to meet you in person, Trksehnoarala.”
Trix stared at the open hatch then gestured behind her. “I thought you were in those floating metal balls…?”
“The spheres you mention are my remotes. None of them are large enough to house my primary systems. In a way, they are my eyes, ears, and limbs. My true nature is integration here within the ship itself, and I make up for my limited mobility in person by having the greatest mobility of any other member of the crew.”
“He also has an avatar in VR of an organic human, but most of the time he uses the floating spheres to interact with us and the rest of the world. His core,” Alex gestured to the egg-like central object, “houses his base personality and his most important memories. The rest of this is extra storage for less critical information. I’m a bit jealous because his most important memories will always be preserved forever in perfect clarity. The rest of us get to have our memories fade with time, but his will be eternal.”
Alex stood there mutely for a moment then shook his head. “Anyway. Back to the tour. Thanks Par!”
“My pleasure.” The hatch slid silently shut and Alex and Trix left the room. “This room has been empty for long enough I pretty much gave it over to Ji and Min for a long while.” Alex walked into the room next to Par’s. “It’s kind of a mess but we’re going to get it cleaned up then it’ll be yours.”
There was no bed in the room, and the tables against the walls were covered with electronics and quickboards. In the center of the room, a huge metal contraption was spread out. Eight large jointed legs were wired in to a big central circular turret. Above that, a multitude of ‘limbs’ extended out - one a large grasper with clawed metal fingers, another ending with an odd cone-shaped implement with a blackened tip. A third was a huge metal pipe jutting out, and a fourth looked to be a number of small openings to place something into.
Trix gestured to it, “What is THAT thing?”
“That’s the Spider. It’s a long-time project the Twins have been working on. Pretty much since they joined the crew, really. It was meant to be a mechanical walker for the military but… well, that’s their story to tell.” Alex snorted. “There’s going to be enough time to go into the details later. Point is, before we even start leaving the system we’re gonna move this out, get a full king sized bed in here for you, some more storage, and so on. That door,” He gestured to a door on the other side of the room, “Leads to a hygiene unit. Full on shower, no bath but if you want to soak the Pool’s down a floor. Aside from no tub it has a deluxe toilet, sink, and a small cleaning unit for clothes.”
Trix cautiously stepped around the large disassembled robot, and opened the door to peer inside. The hygiene unit was much larger than she’d expected, and she was grateful to see that most of the facilities was familiar to her.
“Okay, one last stop and it’s the most important.” Alex walked out into the hallway and Trix rushed to catch up, almost tripping as she hopped over a piece of scrap cable along the floor. “I’m sure this will become your second home on the ship real fast. The bridge.”
They walked down the hall through a small access corridor into a large, wide open space. A large chair sat in the center with a number of controls and articulating arms present on the back. In front of it, a number of control panels were arranged in rows. The front of the bridge and both sides were dominated by massive window screens that showed the area the ship was currently facing. She could see one screen to the side with a display showing Kiveyt, first as a small dot with a zoomed-in and blown up image next to it.
“The door back there in the corner leads to a briefing room, nothing special there but a table and chairs. The big chair in the middle is mine, but if you ask super nicely I’ll let you sit in it.” Alex grinned, and pointed at the console in the very center of the bridge, in front of the Captain’s chair. “But that station over there is primary navigation. Josh is there quite a lot of the time, though just as often I navigate from the Captain’s Chair or Ma’et controls the ship from her neural interface. As of now, though, I bequeath ownership of it unto you - for the next few weeks, at least.”
Trix walked around the bridge staring at everything. The control consoles were smooth, rounded and sleek in their presentation. Each one had a large keyboard in front covered with the strange runes of the Humans’ language. Various other instruments and implements were present at each station, but at hers she smiled gratefully to see that the keys had already changed and had more familiar and recognizable letters in place of the Humans odd script. The layout was definitely weird, and she knew it was going to take time and effort to grow accustomed but at the very least she would be able to understand what she was doing as she learned. Even better, the seat lacked the same high back that the other seats had, which would have been pressed tightly and uncomfortably against her wings.
She glanced back at Alex, who just nodded at her. Encouraged, she took a seat and glanced around. “This is mine.” She whispered it and then let her wings spread out with pleasure as she realized that from here, from this station, she would be the one personally controlling the entire massive vehicle behind her. It lacked the flight stick of the shuttle or the handle controls of her aircar, and in a way she felt disappointed she wouldn’t be able to manually control the ship the same way she could the smaller vehicles. But as she looked around her and rested her hands on the cool surface of the console, she felt something else. A thrill of anticipation at the thought of being the one in control of this massive ship and everyone inside of it.
Alex climbed several steps up to the captain’s chair on its elevated dais, and took a seat directly behind her. The sight of a winged alien in front of him at the nav console with the stars stretching out above and beyond her was a strange one, but a pleasant one. He tried to think of a witty quip to finish the tour with, but failing that he settled for a much simpler one instead.
“Welcome aboard, Pilot.”
—--
“Okay, before we get started, I believe that this is a special occasion warranting a toast.” Alex sat at the head of the large table at the mess, with the other six organic members of the crew assembled further down. “To our new pilot trainee!”
“Here Here!” “To Trix!” “To our Trainee!”
Alex took a sip of his whisky, and sighed in pleasure. “God that hits the spot. Okay everyone, dig in.”
The dinner was an odd affair, mostly because every single member was wearing their visor. Trix could not speak English, and the crew couldn’t speak her native tongue. Masks which would automatically translate couldn’t be worn during a meal so the solution was to have real-time speech to text appearing on everyone’s visor. Trix, who never had worn a visor before, had a difficult time getting the display to appear just right in front of her eyes but she and Par had gotten it dialed in.
Trix glanced at the array of food in front of her. Some items looked familiar, others completely foreign, and none of it smelled quite right. She gestured to the food. “None of this is from Kiveyt. Is it safe for me to eat it?”
“I went through our entire comestible database while we were on the planet. Surprisingly there’s almost no Terran food you can’t eat.” Josh had a massive burrito nearly as long as Ma’et’s arm on the plate in front of him, and he spoke while dabbing hot sauce over it. “All of our Macronutrients are completely interchangeable. Most Micronutrients are as well. There’s a few exotic vitamins and amino acids that you need that we can’t provide, but we have supplements from the planet that’ll handle those.”
“Oh.” Trix glanced around at the table, trying to decide what to eat. The spread was, per Alex’s suggestion, extremely large and quite diverse. “I’m not sure where to start then.”
Min picked up a large platter with a circular dish on it. “Far as I’m concerned the best place to start is with Pizza. It’s one of the most widely loved foods throughout Terran space.” She dumped a slice onto the plate in front of Trix, while Ji slid a very tall glass of water over to her, alongside an odd reddish looking beverage.
“Give the fruit punch a try too. It’s much more sweet than the juice you were serving down on the planet. A lot more mild too.” He suggested, and gestured to another plate. “Also? Tacos are never a bad choice.”
Trix reached out and picked up one of the odd, semi-circular items. Ji grabbed one as well, and bit into it with gusto. Trix mimicked the motion, crunching into the hard shell. It was quite interesting, tasteless at first as she bit into the shell and the lettuce, but then the spiced meat hit her tongue. It was quite mild but not unpleasant. She chewed on it and gulped down a mouthful. “Not bad.” She took another bite.
The taco vanished quickly, and she glanced down at the slice of Pizza next. “Like this, Trix.” Min gestured to pick it up by the crust, putting her fingers in front of it to prevent it from flopping down. Trix followed Min’s example, and took a huge bite. This one was even milder, almost disappointingly so. “Not much flavor to this one. Is all your food really light like this?”
The humans glanced around at that. “Y’know, Sophie mentioned our rations were tasteless. They have a pretty strong cinnamon taste to ‘em.” Alex sat back thoughtfully as he nursed the glass of whisky in his hand. “The food we had down on the planet was all pretty strong flavors…”
Josh handed the bottle of hot sauce in his hand over to Trix. “Try a dab of this. It adds a kick to some foods.”
Trix took the bottle, and put a few drops of it on the slice of pizza in front of her. She took another bite, and her eyes lit up. The next few bites all had more hot sauce each, and the crust itself ended up practically drenched in it. “Thanks, Josh. That was delicious.”
The rest of the crew was staring at her and she shrunk back slightly at their intense scrutiny. Had she done something wrong? She hadn’t ever offended them during any meals back on the planet, so the sudden shift in attention was jarring and quite uncomfortable.
Ji whistled at the sight of the alien hungrily wofling down the slice of pizza covered in bright spicy sauce. “Here, try some of that on a taco next!” He picked up another shell and offered it to her.
Trix reached out and took the taco, this time pouring a hefty amount of sauce on it. Eating this one was much messier, and she could feel the hot sauce dribbling down the side of her mouth as she took a huge bite. Min handed her a paper towel, and she embarrassedly wiped away the errant food. “Thanks, Min. That was great too, Ji.”
“Hold up.” Alex stood up and walked over to one of the cupboards, pulling out another bottle of sauce. “I’m curious now. This is a lot hotter than the sauce you’ve been trying thus far. See if it’s to your liking. Just, start with a very small amount. A little goes a LONG way.” He walked back to the table, placing the bottle next to Trix. She studied it briefly, mostly the logo - a caricature of a human whose head appeared to be on fire.
“Um, Okay. Should I try it with the Pizza or the Taco?” She glanced between the two dishes she’d already tried. “Either one. Whichever you prefer.” was Alex’s reply.
Trix reached out and grabbed a third Taco, opening up the bottle. Immediately she could smell the fragrant sauce within, and she carefully poured a small amount into the shell. She cautiously took a bite and chewed thoughtfully.
“Too hot?” Alex suggested, but she shook her head. “No. Just…” She poured more sauce on the taco, and ate the rest in only a few bites. “Whew. Sorry, Captain Alexander. That was incredible! I’ve never tasted anything like it before.”
“Captain Alexander just sounds weird. Call me Alex or Al. Or ‘Captain’ if you really, really need to use my rank for whatever reason.” Alex sat down, and chuckled. “But that’s interesting. Very, very interesting. That sauce there?” He gestured towards the bottle. “It’s made with a chemical called ‘Capsaicin’. To humans it’s a powerful spice. Too much of it causes a painful burning sensation that lingers. We normally dilute it to make it more palatable and less painful.”
Trix glanced at the bottle. “I guess that explains the fire on the little picture here.” She grabbed another slice of the pizza, and drizzled the sauce on top.
“Three tacos and two slices of pizza?” Ma’et was impressed as she saw how much food the Avian was packing away.
“The disadvantage of those muscular bodies.” Josh waved his hand towards Trix. “They require all the calories that a Human does and more. Back on the planet I learned their species used to be a lot smaller, but after developing animal husbandry and reliable sources of higher calorie foods they bulked up pretty quick.”
Trix, for her part, slicked off the second slice of pizza with gusto. She grabbed a fourth taco, and liberally poured the spicy sauce all over, before wolfing that down as well. She grabbed the fruit juice that Ji had offered her… the ‘punch’? And downed it almost as quickly.
“I hope after all this is over, we can buy some more of that sauce. I definitely want the others back at home to try it.” She licked her lips, and sighed with contentment. “This juice too. I like how sweet it is.”
“Birds are immune to Capsaicin.” Josh murmured softly, but it was picked up by the visor and translated perfectly. “I wonder what the chances are that space-birds would be too?”
—--
“Slide the jack under that joint there.” Trix did as instructed, wheeling the small hydraulic device under the ‘spider’s’ massive leg. “Great. Just gotta line up the leg with where the servos join in…” Ji and Min lifted the leg and immediately began connecting up cables and lines. After all the connections were made, Ji braced himself against the wall and shoved - hard - against the leg, firmly connecting the mechanical rotary joint into place.
“Okay, testing.” Min walked over to the console and began punching in codes. Like the other six limbs before it, this one shook slightly then began to flex, twist, and move around. “Range of motion is nominal. Motors are all showing peak. Locking joints and anchor bolt systems are green.”
Ji wiped off some sweat from his forehead, and leaned back against the wall. “I knew it was a mistake to work on it up here. At least if we put it in the hangar we could have lowered the gravity.”
“It would have been in the way during the rescue op, and we had enough shit going on then we didn’t need to add ‘reassemble a multi-ton walking modular platform’ to the list.” Min gestured with her head, not even glancing over at her brother. “Man up. Trix hasn’t even broken a sweat.”
“I don’t sweat.” Trix mumbled, as she stared at the massive machine. “This thing is crazy. Puts my car to shame.”
“Yeah, our pride and joy. Together we’ve spent decades refining it.” Min glanced over at Trix with a broad smile. “The modular bay on top has been my focus, while Ji’s been adjusting and perfecting the leg and motion systems.”
“What’s it for?”
“Well, right now it’s kind of in between intended uses.” Ji walked over to a large shelf and gestured to the assorted objects there. “With our original plans it was going to have a bunch of swappable options. Right now, it has short and long range assault armaments and a plasma cutter for breaching sealed doors. A basic military drone capable of adapting to all kinds of situations.”
Trix stared at the array of weapons in front of her. “So this is what the human military uses to fight with?”
“Nah.” Min set down the quickboard and walked over to the huge machine. “We envisioned it as a multi-purpose response unit. Capable of dropping in from outside the atmosphere an landing anywhere, going anywhere. Dealing with any situation that could possibly arise. It’s an all-terrain support mech and its modular nature would have made it able to respond to nearly any situation. And it was rejected by the military.”
“What? Why?”
Ji held up a hand and ticked off his fingers. “One, it’s more expensive to drop one of these than a squad of soldiers. Nevermind the fact that it can do 10 people’s worth of work without putting even a single person in danger. Two, it’s too big to be fired out of normal launchers. Adding new launchers to ships would have been a significant amount of work and cost that the navy wasn’t willing to foot the bill. Three, we didn’t have any money after developing it. Meaning we couldn’t bribe anyone in the government into pressuring the military to work with us.”
“Four, they already have hover tanks and artillery and we couldn’t convince them that our system was superior to those.” Min sighed, and threw herself into a chair.
“Hovering is cheating though.” Ji glared at his sister.
“Cheating? What?” Trix just looked bewildered at this.
“Hovering isn’t all-terrain. Hovering is NO terrain.”
“Oh.” Trix took a seat in a nearby chair herself. “So did the captain buy this then?”
“Nope. See, we were finishing up Uni and started developing the Spider, but we didn’t really have the money to actually MAKE one. We had all the plans and all the research on our side but not the raw materials or the money to get those raw materials.” Ji pulled out a stick of gum and popped it in his mouth. “At first we tried going straight to the military which was a huge mistake, they just made a million excuses and told us to get lost. Then we tried approaching some weapon dev companies for funding. They basically told us they’d fund it in exchange for all the rights to production and we’d get whatever they felt was fair. Which when we pressed on a figure, wasn’t much.”
Trix glanced over at the massive mech. “But it got made, obviously.”
“Yup. When we weren’t sure what to do, a buddy of ours mentioned that Al was looking for an engineering team. We can do starship engineering.” Min grabbed the quickboard and extended one of the spider’s legs towards her, so she could kick her feet up on it. “Matter of fact, this ship’s a thing of beauty. Al is a complete doofus but he takes fantastic care of the ship. When we came on we gave him a list of everything that should change. He sat down with us, went over it point by point, and even though it ended up costing over half a million credits he gave us full authorization to make every single change we suggested.”
“So after we did a stint working as engineers we joined up as crew.” Ji had an odd smile on his face. “Since then, we’ve put the money we made from working here towards building this thing. We actually had it completed but then I had this idea of using an array of microservo actuators instead of a larger servo to give us a lot more fine control over the joints. That didn’t work, like, at all but when we used a combination of them we managed to find just the right ratio that gives us twice the amount of precision in each joint, which lets us use the-”
“ANYWAY.” Min interrupted her Brother before he could get too deep into the weeds. “We had it built, with the original armaments we envisioned, but Al suggested making a module for mining and sampling. We brought it in here in order to disassemble it to make the servo adjustments and while we were at it we were going to be replacing the actual weapons with a mining beam, core sample collector, and an array of sensors. Now though we’re going to put it in storage for a while. We got much more important things to take care of now.”
“Oh.” Trix had begun to tune Ji out when he launched into his diatribe. “But what do you mean joined up as crew? You were already crew, weren’t you?”
Min swung her foot down, and gestured to the ship. “It’s different. There’s employees… and then there’s crew. Right now you’re an employee. You’re working with us, you’re out here, but your home’s back with your Teff. Right?”
Trix nodded.
“Well, when you’re crew… this is your home. We’re all family out here. I don’t know as much about the whole Teff thing but I think it’s sort of similar. This ship’s our home, the crew is our family. Alex may be a childish idiot but he’s loyal to his crew like nothing else.” Min stood up and walked over to put her hand on her brother’s shoulder. “When we worked here and started to see how well he treats his people, we felt like we could really belong here. He asked if we’d like to join up, so we did. Best decision we ever made.”
“Yup. He treats the crew as well as he treats the ship.” Ji gestured around him. “Working for him paid well. Working as crew, we don’t get paid regularly but we get a cut out of every mission and that cut is HUGE. That’s how we could afford to actually build the spider in the first place.”
“Ah. So if he invited me along, does that mean he wants me to join the crew too?” Trix wasn’t sure how she felt about that. Joining another family was commonplace for males who left their Teff to join others, but incredibly rare for females.
“Dunno. He’s hired on specialists in the past who’ve come and gone. And he’s invited people to join up who said no and that was that.” Ji shrugged and pressed the release on the hydraulic press, letting it collapse down. “C’mon, we should get the last leg attached. Then we can pack it up and use a grav collar to move it down to the hangar. Don’t want to make you stay in that cramped storage room again tonight.”
“Yeah, I tried to stretch my wings in the morning and I banged up against one of the shelves. Really not looking forward to that again.” Trix grumbled at the memory, and stood up. “Okay, what more do we need done to get this over with?”
—--

Hey guys,
I submitted a potential editorial to EW about the STAR Voting initiative that wasn't accepted in time for the election next week, so I thought I'd share it here (as well as on Medium) to get these thoughts out there. Hope you enjoy, and I'd be curious to hear how this sits with others in the Eugene community.
Why do we keep waiting for the perfect solution before escaping a toxic situation?
In the last issue of Eugene Weekly, EW’s editors explained in response to a reader letter why they don’t endorse implementing STAR Voting for Mayor and City Council elections: because this system caused confusion and didn’t increase voter participation when they tried it for their 2018 “Best of Eugene” polls. But that’s only one year, with presumably less outreach and education than would be devoted to a proper legislative rollout. The fact that STAR Voting didn’t immediately rejuvenate the process in this case doesn’t prove it’s not worth trying, but rather that it may need more investment of time and faith to normalize and work out the kinks before achieving the intended results.
The leadership of public bodies — including legislatures and community publications like EW — entails following through with some resolve on experiments like STAR Voting, even when their benefits remain largely theoretical. Otherwise, it’s too easy for ordinary individuals to resign to the inertia of our status quo, especially on matters as disillusioning as our current voting process. Another letter from last issue argued STAR Voting would be too easy to manipulate, but what makes them think it would be any worse than what we have now?
As a nation, we’re at risk of re-electing a narcissistic neo-fascist, who, along with cronies at the state and local levels, would make our nation significantly less safe for people and nature, furthering religious fundamentalist and corporate police control over the bodies of women, LGBTQ, and people of color. There are many reasons for this sad state of affairs, but manipulation of our voting process to perpetuate a two-party oligarchy is near the top of the list.
As easy as it may be to retreat to our ideological bubbles, these are desperate times, and all our commiserating over current affairs and conceiving of better alternatives won’t matter unless we can take the first steps towards voting reform. While I will be voting in favor of STAR Voting this election, I’m not a zealot, and would remain open to similar proposals like Ranked Choice Voting if it proves more tenable. Strangely, I seem to be in the minority among supporters of either camp (for STAR or Ranked Choice), who tend to disparage the other to distinguish their own preferred alternative.
I’m reminded of Monty Python’s biblical parody Life of Brian, wherein the anti-Roman-imperialist group the People’s Front of Judea repeatedly fails to act against their oppressors while fighting incessantly against their identical rival faction, the Judean People’s Front. At this point, it seems counterproductive and bordering on the absurd to split hairs and devolve into sectarian feuds between these two reform efforts, taking marginally different approaches toward the same goal: more nuanced and accurate democratic representation.
“Ranked Choice Voting? Splitters.”
To me, both STAR and Ranked Choice Voting are worth experimenting with, and will only reach their full potential by implementing and amending, maybe even cross-pollinating aspects of both. I see this as equivalent of trying on oxygen masks in an emergency before rushing to save anyone or anything else. At least it gets us closer to having a real voice in legislative polling, rather than the choice between one of two partisan mouthpieces. While it may take time for voters to adjust to the new levels of nuance and decision-making power, this would be well worth it as a long-term investment in fostering a more democratically minded, politically mindful populace.
I’m sick of feeling like my vote doesn’t matter, because neither political party reflects my values and policy beliefs. I don’t pretend to know the perfect ballot structure to realize the real American dream of multicultural democracy and sociopolitical equality, but I’ll gladly accept STAR Voting as a first port in the current shit storm of affordability crises and white supremacist paternalism. We have to start reforming somewhere, and holding our breath for the next best alternative is an act of privilege that misses how dire our current situation really is.
Or, to put it more poetically:
When you’re going through hell,
you don’t wait for the helicopter to heaven —
you take any step up you can.