I finished this book in around 5/6 days.
RJ went out with a high!
Wow. So many great moments and storylines in this book, storylines being resolved even! All great except a few chapters of Elayne in the middle of the book. RJ is back to his old form, with great characterisation and stuff happens for once!?! Unbelievable.
You can really feel the story torpedoing to Tarmon Gai’don, I can’t wait.
Here are some thoughts on this book:
Nynaeve
Nynaeve loves, trusts, and feels for Lan so much; I can’t help but tear when she rallies for Malkier. Favourite scene of the whole series personally, involving my favourite characters.
“My husband rides from World’s End to Tarwin’s Gap, toward Tarmon Gai’don. Will he ride alone?
CHILLS!!!
Also, give me more Nynaeve, she needs more page time.
Perrin
Great ending to a sometimes lacking storyline (just Faile’s PoV), and it has ended with Perrin ready for the time ahead with his beloved and the shaido finally disappeared, forever hopefully.
Perrin was so blind to everything but Faile this book. Ignoring the signs of Tarmon Gai’don for the one he loves. This obviously isn’t healthy, but I understand him; his whole family died and she is the one who filled the gaps in his heart, if she died I doubt Perrin would ever recover from it.
I guess Aram isn’t a darkfriend as I previously speculated, just a man who is very susceptible to being manipulated. An abrupt ending to someone who got introduced in the first book, and later become a reoccurring character. His descent was quite tragic though; died trying to kill the man who helped him get back on his feet many times over just because of one man’s manipulation. Fuck Masema.
Rolan and the other two brotherless’ death was unjustified but I can’t blame Perrin for killing him. Adrenaline pumping through his veins and he sees 3 men standing between him and his wife. It was bound to end in blood. However, while Rolan was a bit of a creep at times he didn’t deserve to die like that after helping Faile. Now that I think about it though, he was sort of trying to steal her from Perrin, Rolan’s death was inevitable.
Tam finally learned that Rand is the dragon reborn, after I think around 3 years. I would have expected he would know by now, but I guess the two rivers is notorious for being secluded and only getting information from peddlers.
Perrin and seanchan captain has a quite nice mutual respect for each other, another bridge to seanchan relations has been built.
After all these deaths, failures, and triumphs, Perrin and Faile are finally reunited! I am interested to see where the story goes with them, maybe they will go after Masema?
Mat
Mat is always an enjoyable read, and now he has accepted that he can’t escape his luck and the battlefield, Mat now just tries to work out a way to make as little people die as possible.
I have to talk about Moiraine first of course. She is confirmed to be alive, which I hoped for and expected. However, didn’t expect it to take this many books. I have been waiting to long for this, I missed her so much and I am excited for her to be back hopefully soon.
Mat and Tuon are my second favourite couple so far, after Nynaeve and Lan, they have a great dynamic!
From the start Mat knew that he would marry Tuon, but she was slowly deciphering whether this man was truly who she would marry. She did ask many seemingly random questions which was a big giveaway. The build up was worth it though, she completely confuses Mat by doing it out of the blue and revealing her prophecies from her damane. Hilarious moment!
I feel Tuon growing on me but then I remember that she agrees with slavery and leashing those who can channel. I am conflicted on her, but maybe she will change. We have a love-hate relationship.
Mat, please just go free Moiraine already. Please.
Rand
While he hasn’t had the spotlight for a few books, his chapters are always full of major plot points and revelations which are always great.
Lews Therin is creeping in like a parasite, taking control of the power and Rand even confuses his thoughts with Lews Therin. One lack of control and that could be it for Min or others around him. Disturbing thoughts.
One minute I was watching a lovely wedding between Loial and Erith, the next there is thousands of trollocs outside the window. The juxtaposition is crazy.
The new weaves are really powerful, it can’t be nice for random dead trollocs to appear outside your house though.
Did Semirhage expect to defeat Rand? I think there is some other plot she has. Semirhage went down too easy for that to be her only plan. Potentially trying she is trying manipulate his allies to go to the shadow. Or like many of the forsaken are just arrogant.
Hoping that Rand gets his hand back, I loved Rands swordplay and It will absolutely cause issues. Surely he can use the power to create a fake hand.
Breaks my heart, to see Rand so calm after all he goes through. Poor guy. Cadsuane needs to teach Rand to feel again and quickly!
Seanchan truce incoming. Rand will now see what Mat has been up to while he has been battling the forsaken.
Egwene
Thoroughly enjoyed her political manoeuvrings around the white tower, slowly planting seeds of dissent between the different layers of aes sedai. Egwene is great at scheming and manipulation; she is a genius. Not the best person though.
I have a lot of respect for Egwene. Multiple strappings a day, and she carries on twisting the aes sedai, what a powerhouse!
Egwene is consistently interesting to me, I think she will play a big part over the next few books.
Elayne
Elayne was great late in the book, while lacking a bit at the start.
She was overconfident this book, just because she won’t die any time soon (min’s viewing) doesn’t mean she can’t be captured. It was very reckless to just burst into the BA’s house and expect to live.
I loved Vandene getting her revenge on Careane, what a way to go, her short storyline was amazing. Amazing but tragic.
I found it weird how an aes sedai sent by Elaida just stormed in, said Elayne would regret sending her away and ran off. There had to be something larger going on with her.
Problem after problem kept pilling up, but she dealt with them with resilience and it somewhat worked out. A true queen if I ever saw one.
Other
Rand has caused a whole civilisation to kill themselves. Let’s hope he never finds that out. This was a really horrifying moment, left my mouth open for a while.
Taim is not a forsaken, but just a very high ranking dark friend it seems. He must be very high ranking to know about the lord of chaos. What if he is a newly raised forsaken? Only the forsaken know about the lord of chaos, not regular dark friends. I don’t know how one would raise a darkfriend though, does it come with new abilities or just being closer to the dark one?
RJ is great at the small details however he doesn’t touch upon the slavery stuff, which I find weird. Could just be me though.
Overall
This book ends so many dragging storylines, I can’t wait for the next!
I’m sad this is the last Robert Jordan book, but I’ve heard that Brandon ended it well, I watched a few videos on him and read his eulogy on RJ and he seems very kind and admires RJ a lot. I don’t know how his writing style is though, maybe someone can give me an idea of how it compares to RJ?
It is tragic RJ couldn’t finish his series by himself though, but glad someone was found to finish it.
just don’t mess up Nynaeve Brandon!
I probably missed a lot of plot points but I didn’t want this to be too long, and I want to read the next book already.
Book ranking so far - very susceptible to changing:

1. The Shadow Rising
2. The Fires of Heaven
3. The Lord of Chaos
4. The Dragon Reborn
5. Knife of Dreams
6. The Great Hunt
7. The Eye of the World
8. New Spring
9. A Crown of Swords
10. Winter’s Heart
11. The Path of Daggers
12. Crossroads of Twilight

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My baby's first few weeks have been difficult in terms of breastfeeding. He was immediately put on formula supplementation which I seriously regret due to overzealous nurses and bad advice. My self-esteem around breastfeeding, something I've always intended to do without question, was rocked. I have pretty sensitive nipples which blistered quickly after the introduction of a nipple shield. Meanwhile, he's a smaller guy (6 lb/1.8 kg) and at 14 days, he still hasn't really figured out how to open his mouth wide enough to latch.
We've tried multiple positions, the sandwich, we're off the shields thank goodness (I think they really taught him to go narrow), and have seen a lactation consultant. I've watched a million YouTube videos. We have a freezer full of donor milk.
The current situation is that I'm about 200mL shy of his daily consumption and am attempting to feed directly, usually failing, and then pumping while bottle feeding from the last pump mixed with donor supply. My nipples are SORE. My husband and mom who are here supporting me are at their wits end and I am crashing, developing an aversion not only to breastfeeding but to my son which scares the shit out of me. I don't want that. And I don't know what to do.
Last night for the first time ever he really truly latched. It felt different. He did it on both sides. He got a ton of milk really fast, it didn't hurt, I even felt some good hormones. But now the last 3 feeds have been back to our normal hell.
It's Sunday and tomorrow is a holiday so the lactation consultant won't come for several days. What do I do to get through these next few days? Do I pump and bottle feed, keep trying at the expense of my nipples and mental health, what? And is there any way to at least focus on increasing supply over these days, which somehow feels like a less frustrating goal than getting that golden latch I experienced last night? Please help, I'm postpartum and really struggling.

I Accepted a Job to Film on the Dark Web
Man, I am pumped to tell you chronically online content addicts my story. Wait is that too mean of an intro? Will this get taken down for harassment since I painted too accurate a picture of the people on this site? Sorry, everyone, I’m sure you all smell like an expensive bakery and have touched grass this morning. Anyway, I promise I have something interesting. It even involves the dark web you uncreative writers cream yourselves over! I mean, totally real people speaking about their strangely similar experiences. Okay, fine I’ll stop bullying you through the screen before you click off.
This all started when I was seven years old and my parents were killed in front of me in an anti-indigenous hate crime, but let's be real you don’t care. I’m just some annoying Cherokee kid with dead parents so I’ll skip to the good parts. I spent years in an orphanage, gradually becoming more interested in death and violence. As bad as it is, I went out of my way to expose myself to that content in the hopes of desensitizing myself. Which ended up working too well, since now I’m obsessed with causing and viewing pain, though I don’t find any joy in hurting myself.
I got adopted at twelve and after a few months of staying at my new family’s home on the reservation, I went with them to a state sweatier than the average Reddit user, California. Long story short, both of my caretakers, whom I referred to as Uncle and Auntie because they could never be my parents, died. Leaving me in the care of their older son, who I call cousin. I’m not stupid enough to give up any real names, so I’ll call him Brick, cause he’s as dumb as one. He was in his early 20s when he was tasked with taking care of me and is the world’s worst excuse for a babysitter.
I’m almost always alone at the apartment, with him only coming by to drop off supplies and stay for a few hours so the neighbors don’t get too worried. Unless I get in trouble at school, then he’d suddenly give a shit. It's useful because he doesn't about the gory stuff I look at, but some display of interest would be nice. Oh well, ninety percent of the population sucks so he’s just part of the majority. Now, with that said, you’ll be able to understand the perfect storm that led me here. During my time on the deep web, I found a particular website that caught my eye. They had new footage relatively consistently and they were the easiest for me to access since I didn't go too far into the dark web, especially with all the honey pots lying around.
I even bought a couple of files for myself to study and admire. One thing irritated me though, the cameraman. He was always sobbing, breathing, shaking, or some combination of those. It seriously killed the vibe of the killings. Something I commented on under many videos, often saying I would do a better job filming. A choice that in hindsight was me asking to end up in one of those recordings. I didn't think anything of it at the time. I was mostly the only one who commented but I was sure they wouldn't care. I was embarrassingly wrong.
I was staying up like usual, but it was past one AM on a school night, and back then that was a lot so I tried to sleep. Closing my eyes, tossing and turning, the works. I had just started drifting off when I heard the front door open. I remained calm but immediately found it weird since Brick never showed up this late. The thuds of the individual's feet grew louder as they got closer to my bedroom. I tried to convince myself it wasn't a stranger, especially since they got in with ease, but I knew that was wishful thinking.
They hummed as they opened my door. My dumbass had left it unlocked. I remained on my side, trying to look like I was asleep. They turned on the flashlight of their phone, shining it in my face. It was hard but I stayed still while they traced it over my features. I could tell they were smiling as they clicked their tongue.
“Heh, I knew it was a brat,” they whispered to themselves, pulling tangles out of my hair. Something I struggled not to groan from. They pulled up the hair over my ear and got so close spit got on my ear lobe.
“I know you’re awake kid,” they murmured, putting a blade to my neck. I let them grab my shoulder and move me onto my back, I knew how to fight but I wasn't about to take that big a risk with the position they had me in.
“You think you’re so cool saying you can do better than our guy.” they snickered, kneeling, their flashlight still shining in my face.
“Do you seriously believe that?” they questioned, moving the light away.
“Yeah, I do.” I stood my ground, they might have been intimidating but I wasn't gonna let that stop me from being honest.
“I wouldn't sound like I’m gonna piss myself every time it gets gory. I’m confident I could get better footage too, getting up close is something I’ve fantasized about.”
They clicked their tongue again and ran their finger over the bridge of my nose.
”Well, I know you’re a big fan of what we do, and you’re confidence makes me think you got something to back those claims up, so how’d you like a deal?”
I was surprised by how civil they were being aside from the touching and weapon against my throat.
“What kind of deal?” I asked, for all I knew this guy wanted me to lick their feet or some weird shit like that. They placed a finger underneath my eye, tracing a half moon with their nail.
“You have till this Friday to film a video of you killing an animal and put it on a flash drive that I’ll pick up here. If it impresses me and the crew we’ll hire ya with a handsome salary.” They began, moving their hand down to my cheek.
“But if you don't show, or it doesn't meet our standards, then I’m fucking up one of the parts of your face.” They warned, pinching my skin harshly.
“And if I say no to this deal?”
They put their hand over my mouth, scratching my lips.
“That’s cute, if you say no I’ll just slit your throat.” they grinned.
“Or rip it open with my teeth if you got a preference,” they smirked, before running their tongue across their sharp teeth.
“Okay, since I have no choice I’ll go with it, but I’m telling you now I can give you something way better than what you likely expect of me.” I prefaced, looking into their sunken eyes. They scratched my scalp, including the side of my head that was shaved.
“Good choice, I’ll be back to pick it up and if you're not here I’ll assume you don’t have the video. I genuinely wish you luck, because you’ll need it.” they removed the blade from my neck and walked away. I sat still for a few minutes in the dark, processing what had happened and wondering how they got into my apartment with such ease. I was confident I could blow their sniveling excuse of a cameraman out of the water, but I was worried about the people I was getting caught up with.
Sure, I had been on a lot of gore sites over the years but I was always just watching and occasionally commenting. Compared to most in the scene I wasn't much of a threat. I could defend myself and have contemplated killing for years but I hadn't murdered anyone or worse. Plus, I am part of way too many targeted groups to not be constantly at risk. Teenage, fem-leaning, two-spirit, indigenous kid with trauma? Yeah, I might as well be walking sign screaming “Hate crime me”.
So yeah, there was a lot to worry about. Regardless, I couldn't let that fear hold me back. I had a job to do and a group of sickos to appease. The next morning was rough, I got no sleep cause I’d spent all night brainstorming. I barely mustered the energy to change and drank straight mouthwash instead of brushing my teeth. Slogging onto the bus with drool on my cheek, I went to the back like usual. No one sat there cause, the seats were extra worn down, and I scared off anyone who attempted to with my active, rabies-infected bitch face. That day was different though.
I blanked on his name and where I knew him from, but I recognized his wavy hair and prominent curved nose. He glanced at each seat on the bus, before somehow settling on my area. He tried to give me space but ultimately seated himself beside me after realizing it was the only spot that didn't look like it would give him cancer. I glared at him as I did with everyone, but it didn't phase him.
“You know you could pick anywhere else right?” I murmured. He stared at the floor, then at me.
“I’m aware, but a few months ago I started a mission to sit on every part of this bus, and this is the last place.” he smiled, his lips softly curving at the sides.
“What’s the point of that?”
His mouth moved into a more neutral position, but his eyes kept smiling.
“I just thought it would be neat to see the same place from a bunch of different perspectives.” he took out his phone and snapped a photo from the point of view where he was sitting. Maybe my sleepiness made my bitch face less effective, cause he hadn't shown a hint of fear, which kind of annoyed me.
“That’s cool I guess, but I wouldn't do that if I were you. I’ve done some back here alone that would make your skin crawl.” in hindsight my attempt at unnerving him just made me sound like a pervert, which is probably why he held back laughter. Trying to hide a chuckle by clearing his throat.
“Hey, it's not my business what you do, no matter how Haram it is. It’s your life so that’s between you and whatever you believe in. Just don’t shake hands with me.” he joked, playfully putting his hands up. Strangely, I remembered his name at that moment.
“Oh shit, you’re Abdul! We have art together.” I sat up, haphazardly slamming my hand down on my leg.
“Uh yeah, I’ve seen some of your paintings, they’re pretty cool. I like the way you texture them, I’m trying to work on that.” he complimented, seeming more weirded out by my sudden energy than my accidental insinuation. I felt a little stupid for yelling his name but decided not to dwell on it.
“Thanks, you’re stuff is nice, and you’re good at shading.”
He stretched his arms while thanking me. We talked for a few more minutes, taking jabs at each other throughout. Turns out he was better at being an asshole than his artsy charismatic appearance made me think. The thing setting our insults apart being that you could tell he was a loving person underneath. It was the nicest conversation I had with anyone in a while. Though he could tell I was tired so he quieted down, letting me sleep, waking me when we got to school. We went our separate ways until the last two periods we shared. All that time, I spent my remaining energy plotting how I was going to handle the video. What I’d kill, record with, and how to dispose of the evidence. It was a lot to consider, but through three classes I devised a plan.
I’d find a stray around my apartment complex and take it out in my room. Record it on a portable camera since I broke the ones on my phone, no, I will not be answering how that happened. Then once I had my footage I’d put the body in a trash bag, throw it in the complex’s garbage, and clean the blood off my floor. It didn't seem like Brick would come by so he wasn't a factor I thought I’d have to consider. The plan was almost too easy, but I decided to believe in Occam’s razor. I got so lost in thought that by the time I reached Art, which was my second-to-last period, I didn't process that we were moving seats.
“She called your name,” Abdul reminded me. Our teacher placed us next to each other at our four-person table. The two girls sitting with us were already friends, so I didn't bother to say anything, but I was interested in talking to him more.
“So, what do you think of this assignment?” He shrugged, taking out his sketchbook.
“I’m not that good at drawing people, but the idea of combining two people’s faces into a portrait seems interesting. Any ideas on who you’ll pick?”
“Probably the members of the music duo Brain Tumor, they’re my favorite artists and they both look weird as hell.”
“Wow way to talk about your favorites, if that’s what you say about them I can‘t imagine what you have to say about me.” he joked, pulling up reference pictures.
“First, it’s not an insult, second I don’t have anything to say about you. Brain and Tumor have features and styles that make them stand out. Sure they’re ugly, but it just adds to their visual charm. Hot people are boring, there’s nothing to pick at.” I explained, unzipping my bag.
“Oh, so you’re saying you think I’m hot.”
His comment wasn’t serious but it kind of got to me.
“Shit, that’s not what I meant, I was trying to say you’re boring. All hot people are boring, but not all boring people are hot, okay?” I explained, flipping to a clean page.
“Alright, but if I’m so bland then why talk to me?”
I hesitated, contemplating how much of a dick I was gonna be.
“Because it means you probably need some spice in your life, which I can provide.”
He began sketching a head on his paper.
“I like spices, but I feel like you’re the kind of person to dump a cabinet’s worth onto me.”
I flicked my pencil over to his side of the desk, putting on a mocking grin.
“Aww, you scared I’m gonna get you into trouble?”
He picked up the pencil and started using it, putting his on my side.
“No, ‘cause I’m good at setting boundaries. I’m more concerned that you’ll get annoyed with how unafraid of you I am.”
I stared at him for a moment, I hadn't expected to hear that.
“Jeez, man you didn't have to read me like that.”
He shrugged, observing the red paint from past projects that lay on my pencil.
“It's not hard to figure out, just this morning you were trying to push me away on the bus. Lucky, or unlucky, for you I want you to have a friend and you seem like a fun person.”
“Wait are you saying I have no friends?” I squinted at him.
“Well, do you?”
I didn't answer.
“If your response is silence I suggest you take up my offer.”
I was stunned, to be honest. No one had offered to be my friend since 6th grade, and that didn't last long. Of course, I accepted it, but for the rest of the period, there was an awkwardness in my mind. As pathetic as it sounds I wasn't used to others genuinely enjoying my company like he did. Which was partly by design cause I get joy out of scaring people away, but still. I forgot how it felt to have conversations about normal things like art. He had such a nice smile too, usually when I see a grin I want to slap it off, but I liked his. His voice was also nice, it’s hard to describe what in particular but it was easy on the ears.
Okay, I’m starting to get off-topic. I’ll skip to the important part. Toward the end of class, he started talking about how he was interested in filmmaking and got a portable video camera as a gift at last year’s Eid. He didn't have it on him, but he showed me a picture.
“Heh, that’s funny, I bought the same one a month ago.” I pointed out.
“Yeah, it's a popular model, I’m still getting the hang of it though cause I’m so used to using my phone.”
“Well, maybe I could bring you over to my place or vice versa after school and I can help you out.” I suggested.
He smiled, putting his phone back in his pocket.
“I thought you said you’ve only had it for a month? You know I can always look up tutorials from trained professionals.” he reminded me with a notable smugness that I'd used with him before.
“Well those guys are stuffy and I’m a fast learner.”
He redirected his attention back to his page, picking his pencil up.
“Alright, I suggest we go somewhere public instead. You’re not exactly the kind of person I want to bring home to my parents right away. Plus they always need to meet my friends and their guardians before I hang out at their home.”
I gave an exaggerated sigh, stretching my back.
“Aw man, looks like we can’t get high in my murder pit during our first hangout.”
He didn't respond for a solid few seconds.
“Wait, you do know I'm joking right?”
He shrugged, the smile in his eyes appearing again.
“I mean, one of those things is a little less believable than the other.” he snickered, and I laughed with him.
We set up a time and a date, which is where I screwed myself. He ended up being busy with projects from his other classes and family which just left us with Friday, the same day I had to submit the video. Now, did I tell him I wouldn't be able to make it? No, of course not, because I decided to be stupid and even more overconfident. I said that I’d one hundred percent be able to hang out with him after school like I didn't have a mutilator who was going to drop by my place at an unknown time.
The rest of the day went over fine but that bad timing led me to feel like a dick later. When I got home I was able to write out my plan, even sketching a few specifics of what I’d do. It was more exciting than when I’d been brainstorming, but this is when the gravity of the situation began to set in. When I said I’d fantasized about killings I meant it. I mean my teddy with twenty-five stab wounds should say enough. Regardless this would be the first time real blood was on my hands.
It made me feel powerful, but a little afraid. I’ve heard stories of people thinking that it would be an awesome experience and then feeling like shit. I doubted I’d be one of those people but still. Plus, I didn't exactly trust the guy who gave me this job. There was a good chance that this whole situation was rigged and they’d kill me no matter how good the video was. Or worse turn me into the feds and expose my collection. Honestly, if that happened I’d probably eat a shot to avoid going to jail. Wait, can I say that on this platform? Okay to the mods, that was a joke, I want to live a long life. Ugh, I’m doing a terrible job of staying on track. The point is there was a lot up in the air despite it being a matter of life or death.
I knew I’d go through with it but it was still a lot less straightforward than it initially seemed. I wracked my brain to remember where most of the cats stayed and tried to come up with a good way to lure one without raising suspicion. This also proved harder than first thought because I didn't think to account for the cat man, an old guy who lived alone and fed all the cats in our dingy complex while also housing a few. Knowing how obsessive he was he’d probably notice if one of them disappeared. Then again not all the cats return consistently or at all. It makes more sense that he’d think one of them was run over rather than slaughtered. It was getting late again so I rested my head for a moment, a bad move cause I ended up falling asleep at my desk. Not even changing out of the clothes I’d worn before, I woke up late and barely caught the bus the next morning.
I went to my usual spot but Abdul had already taken it. He patted the area next to it, which he’d covered in a towel, a smart move knowing how nasty it was. People gave me a few dirty looks as normal, which I smiled at. I stretched, my mind slightly less out of it than the previous morning.
“Uh, you do realize that-”
“Yeah, I know I’m wearing the same clothes.”
Abdul looked me up and down, his eyes remaining soft, but with a mix of concern and judgment. He set his backpack down and took off his sweater handing it to me.
“Dude what are you-”
“Look I don't know what led to you not being able to change but I think you should at least have a fresh top.”
I was surprised he was offering me something to wear but I took it.
“Uh, thanks, I’ll change into it later.”
He nodded as I put it in my backpack.
“You know you didn't have to do that.” I reminded him.
“Well there’s a lot of stuff I don’t have to do, but I do it because I want to, and I wanted to help you out.”
He smiled, his face still warmer than an Arizona summer. I got a strange feeling in my chest at that moment, I still can’t tell if it was good or bad.
“Well, thanks, I'll give it back to you tomorrow.”
We talked a little more and he mentioned something that caught my attention.
“Have you heard about all the animals that have been turning up dead?”
My eyes widened with surprise.
“No, I haven't, when did you hear about that?”
He pulled on his long-sleeve shirt.
“My sister said her friend who works at a shelter noticed a bunch of animals were getting adopted by people around the same time, and since then gore videos with them have been showing up. She found out through her co-worker who was emailed it by some random creep.”
I covered my mouth and looked away to hide the smile growing on my face. He had just given me the perfect cover-up without knowing. Now if I killed an animal people had an entire violent ring to connect it to instead of me! I stayed quiet for a minute because I could tell he’d likely see through any phony sad sounds I made.
“Oh wow, that’s awful, do you think they’ll ever find out the people behind it?”
He sighed, running his hand through his wavy hair.
“I hope so, for now, all we can do is pray that no more animals get hurt.”
I couldn't contain my grin as he said that so sincerely like animals and people didn't die constantly and that taking down one group would somehow stop the issue.
“Is there some joke I don’t get?” he furrowed his brow.
“Uh, no, sorry I smile when nervous.”
His gaze softened again, and he didn't press further.
His bringing up the animal killings ended up being the exact push I needed to get my hands dirty. I’d spent the entire day before planning so it was time to put that plan into action. I stole some cat treats that the cat man had laid out and spread them around my apartment which was on the bottom floor. Waiting for one of them to take the bate outside my window was pretty boring but one of them came after a few minutes. A scraggly brown and black cat with a tuft of fur missing on one side of his head. It's messed up but I felt like a little less of an asshole for taking him in since he looked like he was already struggling. I scooped him up and he didn't attempt to fight back.
“Hey there buddy” I waved, feeding him some more food. His eyes had a lot of crust on them, it was kinda gross but I don’t have the right to say with how often I wash my jeans. After a minute or two he let me pet him. I knew making any kind of attachment was bad but I thought it was the right thing to do so he’d fall into a sense of security. I was just about to take him into my room when the door opened.
“Hey, I’m back with groceries!” my shithead cousin announced with two plastic bags in his hands. He looked down to see me with the cat, his eyebrows raising.
“Aw come on, you know we can’t afford a pet.”
He groaned placing the bags on a table and unloading them.
“I know, but he doesn't look like he’s got a lot of life in him I at least want to help him feel better before he kicks the bucket!”
Brick rolled his eyes, putting the cereal box on top of the fridge
“Jeez, did you even think about what diseases he might have? His eyes look puffy what if he has something that can get you sick?”
He had valid concerns which was surprising since he’s usually stupid, but I was still annoyed with him.
“I’m sure he’s fine, I’ll even try to wash him, just please let me hold onto him for a little.”
He folded his arms looking down at us.
“Have you even named him?”
I froze for a second, before using the first thing that came to mind, which ended up being pretty awful knowing my plans.
“Cash cow.” I blurted, awkwardly patting his head.
“Honestly that’s better than what I was expecting. I was sure you’d pick ‘Hellspawn Mcgee’ or something else corny.”
He meant to make fun of me but honestly, I would have named him that if I had more time.
“Ugh, anyway I got those dumb chips you like.”
He then pulled out a bag of the wrong chips.
“Dude those are the wrong ones, this is the third time you’ve mixed up the flavors.”
He threw them at me, scaring the cat slightly.
“Well, I pay for it so you shouldn't be so picky. Anyway, while I was in line I picked up something you might be into.”
He then tossed me a trashy teen magazine. One of my least favorite sorry excuses for an influencer on the cover.
“This is a joke, right?”
I couldn't believe my own adopted brother gave such little shit in my interests.
“I don't know, you decided to start being a girl for real this time so I thought the makeup tips on page ten would help you out.”
I scrunched my face at his comment.
“Dude I’ve been this way for years, just because I started wearing more makeup and dresses doesn't mean I’m more of a girl than when I didn't. I know you won’t get the two-spirit thing but come on.”
He shrugged, seeing me done with me even though he’d just shown up.
“Yeah well hey I’m trying. Anyway, just so you know a friend of mine is coming here Friday.”
My heart stopped.
“Wait why here? You live elsewhere why can’t you assholes go there or their place!”
He slammed his fist on the table.
“Will you shut the fuck up!”
He screamed with a phrase I’d grown numb to.
“I don't know, to be honest, something about wanting to move into this complex and this being a way to scout it out. I’m just letting you know now so you don’t act like a complete freak.”
“Jokes on you I’ll piss in whatever shitty beer you bring just cause you said that!”
I yelled back raising my voice higher than his. He face-palmed before putting the plastic bags in the drawer under the sink.
“Whatever, you and your ketamine-addict-looking cat have fun,” he told me while seating himself on the couch. I picked up the cat and walked into the bathroom to clean it. I closed the door and placed him in the dry tub. Using a small disposable mouthwash cup I got a little bit of water. I hadn't had a pet before so I wasn't sure how to approach the task. I dipped my fingers in the water and carefully pet it while pouring s small bit down his back. Any other cat would fight back but he just made pissed-off noises without doing anything.
I scrapped my old shampoo bottle and kneaded it into his thin fur. His skin was bumpy and dry beneath the hair so scrubbing it was uncomfortable. I made sure to avoid getting soap in its eyes but I did pull away some of the crust on its lids. His pupils were so clouded I was surprised that he could see at all, making me feel even more sure that he would be on its way out with or without me.
After drying him I set him on a beat-up shirt I wore when modifying clothes. He sunk his claws into it a few times, playing with a loose string. I ignored him for the rest of the night, hopping into the shower and changing for bed. His meows woke me up a few times but I tuned it out after a while, reminding myself that he wouldn’t be my cat for long.
The next day was Thursday and there wasn't a second that passed by where the weight of the murder I’d have to commit didn't weigh on me. I seriously shot myself in the foot by taking care of that scruffy, pubic hair pile. I was supposed to be hyped about killing it, after all, I’d dreamed and seen way worse than what I was going to do. Yet once I got home and started setting up I felt grosser with each step. I decided to record it in my bathroom instead of my bedroom so it would be harder to connect to me. I set down a few fabric scraps and a worn-out beach towel, placing it all inside a tub for easier cleanup later.
“Okay, I guess it's time,” I mumbled to myself. I brought the cat in and placed it down, setting up my camera once it was comfortable. I also wore my most generic clothes in addition to a mask, putting my hair in a bun for sanitation. When I saw the flicker of red showing that the camera was on I felt I was dreaming. I smiled, excited that I’d get to live out my violent desires. Yet, when I looked down at its pathetic frame and confused expression those urges left me.
I rationalized what I was doing, reminding myself how many animals die all the time and that I’d been forced into this, but it didn't help much in the end. I won’t get into it but under the pressure of impressing the group Cash Cow didn't go out as fast as I would have liked for a first task. Getting rid of the evidence was especially rough, the textures were pretty nasty, to put it mildly. It was surreal watching the blood go down the tub drain and gradually drip off my hands as I rinsed them. I couldn't conjure a single thought the entire time I cleaned it up.
Whether I was wringing out the clothes or putting the remains in plastic bags, it didn't matter. All I could focus on was the task at hand, with hints of disgust along the way. I ended up finishing at three AM. My hands were wrinkled and shook once I settled. I won’t deny that during the murder I didn't hate it. Slashing into something was fun and it made me feel strong. Still, it wasn't nearly as fulfilling as I expected it to be. Part of it was guilt, but it was mostly disappointment. I’d built it up for years and it wasn't earth shatteringly good or bad.
Overall, I expected to feel more, but it just left me hollow with an uncomfortable itch. There was no way I’d ever be able to see the tub the same way, hell I don’t think I’ll ever use it again. Luckily I almost always shower anyway so it's not too big of a deal. I watched a few horror game videos, trashed everything, changed and went to bed.
My scalp hurt like a bitch the morning since I kept my hair in that stupid bun. Despite getting less sleep than the past two days I held myself together a bit better in the morning. I brushed my teeth, changed, and had some fried bread before getting on the bus. Regardless I looked like complete shit and struggled to slump into my seat.
“Rough night?” Abdul asked
“Uh, yeah.” I quietly responded looking to the floor.
He frowned, looking at me with concern.
“You can talk about it if you're comfortable,” he assured me. I contemplated giving him a thinly veiled metaphor or vague explanation so he'd comfort me but stopped myself before my mouth could run a muck. He wouldn't be able to do much of anything and I don’t like opening up.
“Uhm, thanks but it's something I have to deal with alone.”
He nodded, respecting my boundaries.
“You know, I understand if you can’t hang out today it seems like you have a lot going on.”
I avoided eye contact with him as he spoke. For once I was feeling hints of guilt toward a person. I wanted to spend time with him, but I knew that I wasn't in the state to do that.
“Yeah, I think it’ll have to wait, I’m-” I cut myself off before apologizing. A fact about me that should surprise no one is that I hate apologizing. Even when I do feel kinda bad the act fills me with embarrassment.
“You what?” he asked, his eyes telling me that he knew what I was going to say.
“I’m emotionally not great.” I spat out in an admittedly poor attempt to get out of saying sorry. As always he remained calm but I could tell he saw through me.
“Okay, like I said I understand, whatever it is I hope you feel better.”
I told him thank you and we didn't speak for the rest of the day. At home I changed into more comfortable clothes and brushed my teeth. Unfortunately, I wasn't bouncing back from killing nearly as much as I expected.
“It wasn't even that bad! That thing was on its last legs anyway.” I grumbled to myself, smacking my forehead. I was feeling worse than when I did it which is weird. I ended up spontaneously decorating a ratty tie from the bottom of an accessory drawer to distract myself. It helped me get my mind off things, for a little. I had zero plan, just wanting to make something needlessly complex. Hours that felt like minutes passed and soon it was covered in patches, frills, and beads. I just tried it on when I heard the front door open.
“Man, that shit was wild!” I heard Brick laugh groggily. I didn't have to see or smell him to know he’d gotten lit. I rolled my eyes, closing my bedroom door.
“Hey, who’s there?” his friend asked, seemingly referring to me.
“Oh, that’s my little sis, don’t mind her she’s just on her emo shit!” he joked, which pissed me off for the petty reason that I didn't even listen or dress emo.
“Hey, that’s alright with me, I went through one of those phases,” they responded, their words less slurred than my cousin’s.
I fucked up and forgot to lock it when I closed it so they were able to swing it open, almost smacking my desk.
“Hey emo girl!” they waved as Brick haphazardly pulled them back.
“Okay, man, seriously I think she wants to be left alone.”
The way his friend looked at me made me uncomfortable. Like they’d snap my neck if I pissed them off. They clicked their tongue while stepping through the door frame.
“Alright, but I gotta say calling her an emo is inaccurate, they look like they watch gore and most emos just say they do.” they flashed a sharp toothy grin. At that moment I began to connect the dots.
“Easy, she’ll get pissy with you dude, now come on.” Brick warned tugging their opened button pushed him away. They looked me dead in the eyes.
“I don’t think she minds, in truth, I feel like we’ll have a lot to discuss later.” they smiled again, finally walking back into the living room. A chill ran up my spine when I saw them. The sharp teeth, New York accent, unsettling gaze, that motherfucker was the person who recruited me! They were able to get into my place so easily cause my dumbass cousin probably gave them a spare key or the opportunity to make one, and now they were a room away from me!
I dug my hands into my pillow as I contemplated what to do, no matter what happened next, I knew it was gonna be a rough visit.

You guys know what an alpine coaster is? They are like a small roller coaster you find in the mountains. They are also called summer toboggans or mountain coasters and I think there’s some long German compound word they are called in parts of Europe. They are like a roller coaster, but with much smaller one or two person sleds you just sit on instead of multi-person cars you ride in, and instead of being built with like a scaffolding or a framework the tracks are just on the ground, using the elevation of the mountain. Basically it’s a coaster track on the side of a mountain where you ride a sled down.
They are pretty fun. Or at least I used to think so. They are more “personal” than roller coasters and although you get nowhere near the speed on them that you do on a good traditional roller coaster and they can’t do corkscrews or loops or anything like that the openness and simplicity of the ride gives an impression of a much greater speed. You’re just sitting there with nothing but a little plastic sled and the track between you and the ground as it goes zooming by. It’s like the difference between how fast a go-cart feels compared to how fast a sports car feels. You know the sports car goes faster but the open, simpleness of a go-cart feels a different kind of fast. There’s plenty of POV Youtube videos if you want to get the basic idea of what they are.
I used to love alpine coasters. Used to.
My family used to go to Gatlinburg and Pigeon Forge and up and down the Smokey Mountains for vacations when I was a kid and they are common in that area and I’d always rode them every chance I got.
But as with so many things after I grew up and went to college they just became part of my childhood that slipped away. They aren’t exactly common once you get away from the mountains.
Until one cool spring afternoon in 2004. I was in my final year at college and I was driving back to campus in Tennessee after a short visit to my folks in North Carolina. It was only like a 4 or 5 hour drive via the most efficient route and I had no need to be back at campus early so instead of taking the freeway all the way I got off and took part of my trip through the mountains. The scenery was nicer and I admit I liked pushing my Camaro just a little faster than I should through the twisty mountain roads.
Just after lunchtime happened upon one of those little by-the-highway tourist towns deep somewhere in the Smoky Mountains near the Carolina/Tennessee border. Nothing fancy, a gas station/truck stop, a diner, a couple of places selling tourist merch nestled deep in the mountains. I pulled into the gas station. My tank was getting low and I needed to stretch my legs, maybe grab something to eat. It was still early and I only had another couple of hours. I could kill an hour or so and still make it back to campus at a decent hour.
I pulled into the gas station and was filling my tank when I happened to glance across the road and… well I’ll be damned. There it was. “The Blue Ridge Alpine Coaster.” Nestled on the side of the mountain was a building, a mockup of a red barn, where a single railed track that led up into the mountains, where it soon got lost in the greenery. Wooden hand painted standees of cartoon character bears dressed in stereotypical “Hillbilly” getup stood around, some of them holding signs showing the ride hours and ticket costs and other info. I had to admit, as silly as it was, it made me smile.I finished pumping my gas and, well, nostalgia is a helluva thing. I decided then and there I could waste a little time riding an Alpine Coaster again after all these years before getting back on the road.
I parked my car in a corner of the truck stop's parking lot, put my phone in the center console, this being the days before smart phones when people didn’t keep their phones with them 24/7 and I didn’t want my old Nokia brick phone to fall out during the ride, locked my car and walked across the mountain highway to the Alpine Coaster building.
Getting closer, the place was less inviting. The half hearted attempt at a whimsical faux-Americana kitsch was far less effective when it brushed up against the actual decaying, run down wooden building. Hell calling it a building was generous. It was a wood frame holding up a long roof that covered the area where you got on the sleds. The wood boards creaked under my footsteps.
The only real enclosed structure was a shack that held, what I assumed, was a ticket booth. A door on the side had both a single occupancy bathroom with an out of order sign on it. An old Pepsi machine buzzed and glowed next to it.
Still the place looked alive. Ahead of me a bored looking attendant was helping a mother and her young son into one of the sleds while in a bored monotone repeating the safety brief. A few people were waiting in line at the ticket booth. Up in the mountains the playful shouts of people on the ride echoed down. Fond memories of my own childhood rides flooded my mind.10 minutes and 15 dollars later I was settling into the hard plastic seat of a bright red sled sat atop a simple aluminum rail.
I couldn’t help but grin as the sled slowly climbed the track up the mountains, making click-clack ratcheting sounds that hit my nostalgia centers hard. I felt good. The air was cool and crisp and smelled of pine.Higher and higher in the mountains we went. I don’t know if this is my mind trying to make sense of it after the fact but when I remember these moments, the last good moments, I sometimes think I remember a very slight, very subtle pit of fear in my stomach. I honestly don’t know if I felt it at the time or not or it’s just how my mind tries to make sense of it looking back at.
But either way mostly I was enjoying myself. I smiled. I was a kid again. I could hear riders in front of me let out that initial yell of terrified glee you get at the first drop of any good ride.
It peaked. I glanced around. I could see for miles, rolling hills and mountains. I the sled tipped over and zoomed down the mountain and I let out the same happy yell I heard from the other passengers.The ride zoomed down the mountain, catching speed. The mountain forest floor zoomed past, only a few feet under me. Trees zoomed past. I gave out a happy whoop as the ride banked hard around a curve and then looped back under itself.Another dip, another curve. I closed my eyes, enjoying the feel of the G-forces pulling me every which way.
There was no one exact single moment where things started to go “wrong.” The ride kept going. And going. At this point the first creeping thought entered my head.
The ride… was still going.
It just started to hit me… this ride was going on for a really long time. I had taken a dozen rides on various coasters of this type before that day and they topped out at about 5 minutes or so, and that was the long ones. Longer than a traditional roller coaster but not that long. This one had been going on for what felt like 10, maybe even 15 minutes.
I looked back over my shoulder and could only see trees, moving too fast to really get a bearing on where I was at in relation to anything.
I wasn't exactly really worried yet. Okay so I had found a particularly long alpine coaster. At the time I wasn’t 100% wasn't sure they didn’t exist or anything like that. I was a little… unnerved but nothing was happening that was impossible. Yet.
I was trying to talk myself back into just enjoying the ride and stop overthinking it, and halfway succeeded, when out of nowhere I suddenly banked hard, the track jutting out almost over a sheer cliffside. I gripped the sled more tightly as I was whipped around. The ride then dipped hard and picked up speed, barreling down the side of the mountain.
I was pushed back against the seat by the force of the drop. Jesus I didn’t remember them being this rough. I was feeling slightly nauseous. And where had this elevation drop come from I wondered? I was still in the foothills and I didn’t remember seeing anything but gentle rolling hills and light drops from looking at the ride’s route earlier. How the ride had managed such a long, steep drop in this area I didn’t know. . For the first time I hoped that the ride would be over soon. I had no idea then how much I would want that same hope to be true so much more as time went on.
With a whiplash motion I was whipped forward and then back as the ride leveled out on flat ground again, but by this point I was going fast, too fast. My neck hurt from the mild whiplash and I felt sour in my throat and for a moment the contents of my stomach threatened to come back up. For the first, but hardly the last time the ride felt unsafe. Alpine Coasters are tame affairs, much slower and gentler than full on roller coasters but this thing was throwing me around like no thrill ride I had ever been on.
I looked around. I mean I wasn’t that deep into the woods. I should have been able to see a glimpse of something; the highway, the gas station, the tourist shops, the Alpine Coaster office, something, anything. But nothing. Just trees.
I forced back some panic for the first time. I closed my eyes and counted to ten. The ride zoomed along. I counted to 60. I counted to 60 again. And again. Okay this was getting uncomfortably harder and harder to explain.
Suddenly I noticed that up ahead the track seemed to just end, for one brief, terrible moment I thought the track just ended but I was wrong. Almost without warning the track dipped in an almost vertical drop. I almost screamed as I plummeted for 20, maybe 30 seconds before flattening out again.
By this point the voice in my head that was telling me something was wrong was louder and I could no longer tell myself it was wrong. This ride could not have been this long. I tried to make sense of it, wondering if somehow I had gotten diverted onto some kind of maintenance track or, hell for one brief irrational moment even entertaining the idea that I had wound up on an actual train track somehow. But that was absurd. The rail below me was not a train track, it was still just the simple, aluminum rail of an alpine coaster and there had been no diversions or junctions in the track. I was still on the ride, as insane as that was starting to feel. Had the ride somehow looped? Again after having the thought I immediately dismissed it as crazy. There’s no way I could have missed the ride building where I got on. And what kind of ride loops over and over?
The sled zoomed through the forest, oddly never seeming to lose speed despite the relatively flat grade of the track. I cursed myself for leaving my phone in the car and not wearing a watch. I don’t know exactly how long I had been on the ride at that point but it felt like I had been on the ride for a half hour, maybe more. But time is a funny thing when you’re in a situation you’ve never been in. Could have been more, could have been less, at that point.
My pride finally failed me. I started to scream for help. I screamed out that the ride was broken, to stop it, that I needed help. I did that for about ten minutes or so I think. The ride kept going. Mostly flat, level track with occasional mild dips and turns. But the simple length of the ride grew more and more unnerving and unexplainable.
I thought about just bailing out. But the ride, impossibly, was still not slowing down and chunks of mountain rock and thick tree trunks were all around me. Bailing out without risking smashing into a rock or a tree seemed impossible.
The ride kept going.
Up ahead the forest was clearing out some, I could see the forest brightening, more sunlight making it through the canopy.
I wasn’t prepared for what I saw.
The trees stopped and I had just enough time to take in a flat, open area of rock maybe 40, 50 yards at most before another sheer cliff. The tracks twisted and turned and then shot straight down. But that wasn’t the worst of it. For a moment, a very short moment, I had a clear view for miles and the landscape was, to be blunt, totally impossible. Any possibility that I had just stumbled on some incredibly long ride was blasted out of my head. Barren, volcanic looking rock stretched for miles. Jagged, black rocky outcroppings as far as the eye could see. I was in the goddamn Smoky Mountains. They don’t look like that.
I had a few moments for the terror of that view to settle in before the cart plunged into another horrifying drop. I gripped the handles of the cheap plastic sled until my knuckles turned white. The drop felt completely vertical, like I was falling at terminal velocity. I screamed. My stomach dropped and turned. I imagined the sled coming away from the track and me just plummeting screaming to my death on the rocks below. But somehow the ride still functioned. I closed my eyes tightly and just waited for whatever was going to happen. Eventually after several what felt like a full minute of steep plunging the track again leveled out, and I opened my eyes to see myself moving at breakneck speed over that black, rocky landscape.
Now that I was moving on a more or less flat horizontal track again I took a few deep breaths. I looked over the edge of the track. Nothing but that black, jagged rock, almost looking like obsidian, zooming past. I had no idea how fast the sled was moving now. Fast. Faster than a gravity powered sled should be moving. And the track was higher off the ground now. Alpine slides usually stick pretty close to the ground, but I was 20 feet or so in the air, the track suspended in the air, a simple metal tube tower like a power pylon every few yards.
Without any immediate threat and the sled moving fast but steadily and level I was able to think about my situation again, for all the good that did me. Ahead of me the track just continued to the horizon, nothing but the same rocky landscape as far as I could see. I craned my neck to look back over my shoulder and looked back behind me and it looked the same. Even the mountains were but distant specs on the horizon behind me.
This was insane. There’s not a giant seemingly endless field of black jagged rock in the goddamn Smoky Mountains. There’s no cliff faces tall and steep enough for a multi-minute vertical drop. And alpine coasters were small affairs, not major engineering projects that span miles with pylons and vertical tracks. It made no sense.
Sadly it wasn’t going to start making any more sense anytime soon.
The ride kept going.
I was on this rocky landscape for several hours. I feel comfortable saying this because I could actually notice the sun getting lower in the sky. And the sled wasn’t slowing down despite the grade of the track being flat. I was getting cramped from sitting and stretched my legs and twisted my back as best I could. Didn’t do much help. My eyes were starting to get irritated from the constant wind in them. Worst of all it was starting to get chilly. I only had on a light jacket, a windbreaker, just something to keep the breeze off me, no real insulation. I was cold, my joints were stiff, I was hungry and thirsty. My eyes watered and my throat was so dry it was sore.
But none of that was as bad as just how little sense this all made. There’s nothing like this place anywhere near the Smoky Mountains. This was like some volcanic rock landscape. The more I thought about it the less sense it made.
The ride kept going.
My mind didn’t even try to process this. Whatever I was experiencing simply couldn’t be possible. I was crazy. I was dreaming. The CIA had kidnapped me and dosed me with some new version of LSD and I was in a straightjacket in a padded room at Area 51.
The sled kept zooming along as the sky turned to dusk. Soon the bridge disappeared from my view and I continued on along the endless, rocky, featureless landscape.
I sat back against the sled, mentally and physically numb. I was exhausted. I was thirsty. I was cramping up. I was hungry. I had to pee. I held it for as long as I could, then had no choice but just wet myself. I cried until I had no more tears left. Then I just sat there.
The ride kept going.
By the time the sun dipped below the horizon my throat felt like sandpaper. I dug around in my jacket pockets hoping to find a stick of gum or piece of candy. Nothing. I checked again, having nothing else to do. Under a crumpled store receipt in the inner pocket of my jacket was a single old, forgotten cough drop. I unwrapped it from the paper and popped it in my mouth. Saliva flooded back into my mouth and I was overwhelmed by the methanol and medicine taste. It was something at least, although I knew it would be a brief and temporary fix at best.
I felt my eyes get heavy. It was getting colder. That mountain cold. That deep cold the mountains have even into the early spring when the sun goes down. That kind that just pulls the heat right out of you. I shivered. A terrible, horrible certainty came to me. I would ride until I passed out from exhaustion or the hypothermia set in. My body would tumble off the sled to fall and skip across the rocky ground like a stone skipping across a lake, my bones breaking as I tumbled until my body finally came to a stop. If I was lucky I would be killed and not have to lie for days, broken and bruised, on the ground until death took me.
The ride kept going. The ride kept going. The fucking ride kept going.
“Fuck you” I said to the ride, my voice a horse whisper. I pulled my jacket closer around me, for all the good it did. The cold wind was slowly but surely pulling my body heat away. My shivering got worse, crossing the line from a simple normal shiver into those deep, almost violent full body ones.. I wasn’t anything you could call an experienced outdoorsman, but I knew enough to know that wasn’t a good sign.
It was getting dark. There was a full moon at least so I wasn’t totally in the dark.
About then I noticed something. The landscape, what little I could see in the fading light, was changing. It was smoothing out, becoming less rocky and craggy. Up ahead an odd, shimmering light was starting to appear on the ground.
I was over it before I even realized what it was. The tracks were going over a smooth surface.
Water. It was a lake. The odd lights I had seen were the moon, reflected in ripples on the lake.
Within minutes I was out of the view of the land. After the nearly endless rocky landscape and everything else I had seen, it scared me how little I was shocked. I didn’t like how mentally numb I was getting. I leaned over. There was enough moonlight to see the water, 15 or 20 feet below the track. The pylons holding up the track went into the water, the light wasn’t good enough to even make a guess at how far they went down or how deep the water was.I leaned back in the sled. My eyes were red and bloodshot from the constant wind. I closed them. This was a mistake.I jerked awake. I don’t know if I dozed off for a split second or an hour. My weight had shifted and I caught myself as my center of gravity was in danger of sending me off the sled and into the water.
I screamed in anger. A deep primal scream. I hurt so bad. My joints felt like they were full of glass. My limbs were full of pins and needles. I glanced over at the water. For the first time on the very edges of my brain a tiny voice started to speak up, telling me that I could be all over if I just jumped. I shut the voice up, but it scared me still.
I sat there as the ride went on. It felt like hours. Eventually the lake ended in a rocky shore line. The damned ride. There was no safe place to bail out. If the ride slowed down, it was high in the air, if it moved toward the ground it sped up. Sharp rocks, big trees, nothing you could safely bail out into.
I kept having to force myself awake. I kept dozing off. Once I felt myself falling asleep and drove a vicious uppercut into my own nose to stave it off.
I seriously started to think about how much longer I could hang on. The voice came back again. This time I didn’t shut it up. I wasn’t admitting it to myself yet, but I was starting to think about the best way to land that would end it quickly if I needed to.
Something was ahead. The track seemed to dip into the ground. I was too tired, too beaten to even get scared. I was just resigned to whatever happened at this point.
With little warning the track took my sled into a tunnel in the ground. Everything went completely pitch black. After several moments even the dim moonlight was gone.
This was the worst part. The creepy forest, the immense rocky landscape, the eerie lake… those were bad. But this was just nothing. Nothing to look at, nothing to hear, nothing for reference or sense of where I was going. The walls of the tunnel felt like they were inches from me in every direction. The air felt thick, like there wasn’t enough oxygen.
With every moment I was in that tunnel I lost a little more hope. After a long, long time I made a decision. When I got out of this tunnel, I would jump. I didn’t care anymore. Hopefully there would be a spot where I could be certain the fall would instantly kill me. I was done. The ride had beaten me. I sat there, waiting for a chance to end this on my terms. That was all I had left.
Eventually up ahead, a tiny speck of light appeared. I gathered my strength, ready to end it. I sat up, getting my legs under me so I could jump as soon as we were clear. The sled burst out of the tunnel. The dim light of the full moon was enough to be momentarily blinding after the pitch black of the tunnel.. I gave my eyes a moment to adjust.
I was back in a normal looking Appalachian forest. Rolling hills, green trees. The air smelled of pine again. I heard an owl hoot off somewhere.
Slowly I lowered myself back into a setting position, in shock. At first I refused to believe it but the ride was slowing down. I held still, making sure my mind wasn’t playing tricks on me, but no, the cheap plastic sled that had been my world for what felt like an eternity was slowing down.
Up ahead, a structure was visible, peeking out from among the trees in the dim lighting as the sled moved down the track.
It was the Alpine Slide building. The crappy fake red barn where I had boarded this cursed ride so long ago. I blinked and rubbed my eyes, sure it was either my mind or the cursed ride playing tricks with me. But the building stayed there.
It grew closer and closer. The track leveled completely out. The sled slowed down more. Before I had the time to really come to terms with it I arrived back at the building.
The sled slowed to a stop, gently pumping against another sled parked on the track. I sat there for a few moments, gasping in great big gulping fear breaths, trying to assure myself the ride didn’t have one last trick of its sleeve.
I looked around. The place was empty, deserted. The overhead lights were still on and the old Pepsi machine still glowed and buzzed, but the ticket booth was dark and empty, a metal gate pulled down over the ticket window.
Suddenly it hit me that I was free and I practically leapt out of the sled and onto the platform. I immediately collapsed. My legs were jelly and my head was spinning. I tried to stand up again and doubled over, dry heaving. Have you ever been out on a boat for a day and have that weird reverse motion sickness when you’re back on solid land? It was like that times a hundred. My inner ear was literally pounding, all the motion had really done a number on it.
I laid there for a few moments and eventually forced myself to stand up on my two wobbling legs. I looked around, a horrible certainty creeping into my mind that there would be no exit, no way off the platform but to my relief an exit turnstyle, one of those full height ones, was set into the fence that surrounded the ride property.
I went through it and found myself back on the main road. The truckstop was still there, still open but far less busy. My car sat in the same corner of the parking lot I had left it.
I allowed myself one look back, just one quick one. The metal skeleton of the Alpine Slide track sat there, dark and quiet but otherwise normal.
I stumbled-ran back to my car, dug the keys out of my pocket, and collapsed inside. When the door shut I let out a primal scream, the tons of fear and confusion and anger all fusing into a single, raw emotion. I screamed again and again.
After a few moments I felt like I was emotionally at least back to a place where I could act, although I wasn’t sure yet what to do next. Not really knowing what to do I cranked the car. The A/C had been on low when I shut off the car and it came roaring back to life and cold air blowing on me almost sent me back into a full on panic attack. I fumbled with the climate controls until the air stopped blowing directly on me, then calmed down enough to turn the heat on, helping to get the chill out of my bones. There was a half full bottle of water in the center console cup holder and I grabbed it and chugged it. Nothing ever tasted as good before or sense as that few ounces of water.
That was when I noticed the clock on the radio head unit. It was 4:17 in the morning. It had been about one, one thirty or so in the afternoon when I got on the accursed ride.
Over 15 hours. I had been on the goddamn ride for over 15 hours. Over half a day.
I just sat there. Warming up. Calming down. I was exhausted. I was dehydrated. I can’t even describe how my head felt. I probably had at least a minor case of hypothermia. I thought about going into the gas station and asking for help but what would I even say, and more than anything I just wanted to get away from this place. And I just wanted to get away. I wanted to be nowhere near that damn ride.
I put the Camaro in gear and pulled into the street and in panic I immediately slammed on the brakes. I was lucky there was no traffic on the road at that moment. The feeling of accelerating to just normal surface street speeds made me sick to my stomach. I gathered myself and very slowly accelerated the car I usually treated with a very heavy foot up to 30 miles an hour. Every time I tried to accelerate at a pace faster than “Old Lady Going to Church, Uphill” I would have a panic attack. I was okay once I was up to speed, but accelerating freaked me out after being on that ride.
I drove about 30 minutes, putting some arbitrary amount of distance between myself and the coaster. Eventually I made it back to where the twisty mountain road met back up with a major road that would eventually meet back up with the highway. After a few more minutes of driving I saw the onramp for the highway. There was one of those big truckstop travel plazas and pulled in, parking right up at the door. I smelled like pee and I can only imagine how I looked, but I didn’t care.
I kept a couple of emergency 20s in the back of my wallet and spent it on the biggest bottle of water the store had, an overpriced bottle of eye drops, and a huge travel mug of coffee. The clerk looked at me as if he was expecting me to either drop dead or rob him the entire time.
Back in my car I downed the coffee. I put a few eye drops in each of my eyes and sat there as the caffeine took effect until I felt like I could make it back to my apartment. The sun was just coming up when I finally pulled out of the truck stop and got on the freeway. I slowly, very slowly, accelerated up to highway speed, put the Camaro in cruise control, and let the miles start to drift away. I turned on the radio, I needed to hear human voices. Every time my mind went back to what had just happened I turned the radio up louder, eventually drowning it out with painful levels of rock music. I wasn’t ready to think about it yet. Yes looking back I know I was just in denial. I finally made it back to the crappy little apartment I had off campus, a little two story walk up studio. I let myself in and collapsed on the cheap couch. I was asleep before I even had the time to decide whether or not to do anything else. I woke up later that afternoon. I took a shower and ate a meal and didn’t think about the ride. I washed the pee stained filthy clothes I had been wearing and didn’t think about the ride. I went back to class and didn’t think about the ride. Every time I thought about the ride I forced it out of my head. I’m sure this wasn’t the most mentally healthy thing to do but what can you say?
I didn’t forget about it, don’t be silly. This isn’t the kind of thing you forget. One day while looking up something else in the university’s library my curiosity got the better of me and I looked up the Alpine Slide. No website but a few Google Map and Yelp mentions. None of them mentioned anything weird, certainly nothing even remotely like what I experienced. Near as I can tell it closed sometimes in the winter of 2012.
Life went on. I mean, that’s what it does. The next day was a little better. And the day after that a little better. And the day after that a little better still. I met a nice girl. Graduated. Got married. Got a nice house in the suburbs. Got a dog. Had a daughter. Spent a lot of time happy and not thinking about being trapped on an endless alpine coaster.And that was my life for many, many years after that.
Until a few weeks back when as a very different person I found myself driving a boring and safe mid sized family SUV through those same mountains. My wife Carol, 5 months pregnant, sat in the passenger seat, our 6 year old daughter Emily in a booster seat in the back, and Max our mixed breed mutt next to her. It had been a nice pleasant trip, driving back from visiting her folks.
I hadn’t thought about that fucking ride in so long I barely registered that I was in the same general area until it was too late. Suddenly I realized that little mountain tourist trap town was only a few minutes down the road. I swallowed hard and gripped the steering wheel hard. Carol was looking out the window at the scenery and Emily was deep into some kid’s Youtube video on an iPad. I forced myself to keep my breath steady as we rounded the corner.The town was still there, sorta. Time had not been kind to it. The gas station was still there, at some point it had been bought out by Shell. The tourist trap shops were still there. One of them was now a vape shop. The diner was closed, the building looking like it sat unused for a long time.
But of course that’s not what I cared about. A looked over at the site where the Alpine Coaster once stood. It was gone. The kitschy fake barn was gone. The site was just a bare concrete slab with a chainlink fence around it. Faded “no trespassing” and “for sale” signs hung off the fence. A pile of old, decaying lumber that might have once long ago been part of the structure covered part of the old lot. No sign of the track remained outside of some old concrete support posts dotting the side of the mountain.
I exhaled out a breath I hadn’t even realized I had been holding in. Soon the little town disappeared in my rear view mirror.
About a half hour later we stopped for gas. I pulled up to a gas pump across from a massive motorhome. Max stuck his head out the window and started barking at a little white dog, a toy breed of some kind, in the window of the motorhome. Carol and Emily immediately headed into the store to restock on snacks while I fueled up.
I stood there, a half smile on my lips as Max barked and wagged his tail in an attempt to attract the attention of the other dog while I filled up the tank, said dog doing an admirable job of ignoring him.
Right about the time I finished fueling up and cleaning the bugs off the windshield Carol returned from inside the store, Emily in tow, arms filled with two full sized bags of Salt and Vinegar Potato Chips and what looked to be a half dozen individually wrapped pickles.
I raised an eyebrow at the collection of food but knew better than to question a pregnant woman's snack choices.
“Should we take Max for a quick walk?” Carol asked. The travel plaza had a nice little gated dog walking area off to the side.
“Yeah probably not a bad idea, he’s been cooped up in the car for a few hours.” I said. Max, upon hearing his name and the word “walk” , forgot about the other dog and upgraded from wagging his tail to wagging his entire body while making whining sounds and staring right at me.
About this time I became half aware that the big motor home next to us was pulling away. I didn’t think much of it, outside of doing a quick automatic mental check to make sure Emily was well clear of the moving vehicle, but she was safely between me and our SUV, well out of the way.
But that was when Emily looked behind me and cheerfully yelled “Daddy look a roller coaster! Can I ride the coaster?”
It’s cliche as fuck I know but my blood went cold.
I turned around slowly, certain in my knowledge that terrible old decrepit Alpine Coaster would be there, having just popped into existence to trap me again.
That.. is not what I saw. Sure enough there was a coaster there, one I hadn’t noticed earlier because it had mostly been blocked by the motor home, but there it was. It was even an Alpine Coaster.
But it was not the same coaster I had encountered those years ago. That was immediately obvious. It was a small but modern and newish looking setup with neon lights and a bunch of people. There was an actual building where you bought tickets and a little snack stand.
“Daddy! Can we go on the coaster!” Emily asked again.
My mouth made motions but no words came out. I glanced over at Carol, hoping she’d say we didn’t have time but to my horror she smiled and said “You know what? That does sound like fun. Daddy will take you while I take Max for a walk.”
My mind raced, trying to think of a way to get out of it. But Emily was already dragging me across the parking lot to the entrance.
I patted my pocket, making sure my phone was in it. Every fiber of my being was screaming to run away. I slept walked through the line and the ticket booth while Emily bounced happily.
We got into a two seat plastic sled. This one was actually a lot nicer than the one my mind wouldn’t stop thinking about. It had two nice cushioned seats, big grab handles, even a nice rollbar.
The sled started up the track. I fought back the panic. I swerved my head around, keeping the building in my view. I was terrified of losing sight of it. We made it to the top and Emily did a happy squeal as we started down the side of the mountain.
My heart raced. Any second, any second my mind told me we’d lose sight of the building and then the ride would never end. The ride sped down the mountain. My mind tortured me with thoughts of not only going through it again, but seeing Emily go through it. The ride went around a big, banking turn. Emily kept shouting happily. How long before Carol reported us missing I wondered? Could I keep Emily calm? What if it lasted even longer this time? What if this time it never ended?
And then we were back at the start of the ride. The same attendant who had helped us into the sled was helping Emily out. I stepped out. The attendant gave me a brief look but said nothing. I guess I looked a little wild eyed.
I was fine. Emily was fine. It had been a perfectly normal, fun ride.
“That was fun Daddy! Thank you!” Emily said. I forced a smile back. “It was fun.” I responded, hoping like I sounded like I meant it.
I took Emily’s hand and we walked back to the car. Max saw us coming and barked happily. Carol looked up from the pint of Ben and Jerry’s she had somehow acquired and added to her snack collection while we were gone and smiled at us.
“Did you have fun?” she asked.
“It was so fun Mommy!” Emily said.
Carol smiled down at her, but then looked at me and frowned. “Are you okay?” Carol could read my face a lot better than the attendant could. “You’re pale.”
I smiled and this time the smile felt real. “Ya know what. Yeah, I think I am okay.”
Carol looked a little puzzled, but didn’t press it. We loaded Emily back in her booster seat, stopped Max from trying desperately to eat half a discarded gas station hot dog off the ground and got him back in the car. Carol and her small collection of snack food took her place in the passenger seat and I got in the driver's seat.I smiled. I cranked the car. I put it in gear. I pulled out of the gas station and back on the road, this time accelerating just a little faster than I had in years.

This is my in-depth notes while watching the full length dfv meme video compilation by roaring pika this morning.
https://x.com/roaringpika/status/1791834694704591155?s=46
It’s an hour long and way easier to understand all together like this.
These notes come from watching every ppshow this week and taking my favorite bits of tinfoil from the community into one fairly simple look into the story dfv is telling us without getting too deep on possible tinfoil, it’s just laid out plain and simple here.
Tldr; this is a very long post. I think it starts with dfv’s final yolo update (fine I’ll do it myself) and what’s been going on since then, how he’s been feeling, and all the battles over the last couple years for the first 30 minutes of the memes.
Then in the last half it switches to: I’ll fuckin do it again and full of straight confirmation foil that we’ve been right about the bear trap, bbby, Teddy, and baby all along. Then he says we’re all good, be zen and says goodbye for now.
Here goes:
Fine I’ll do it myself, Cat heartbeat, Wolverine mad. (I think this marks his Final yolo update and of course doubled as the hype to start this week off with a bang.)
I think the first half of the movies are all about the first squeeze and how he was both dfv and kitty, how they were talking trash about him, how we found out about the baskets “you move I move” the battle scenes were all about price action up and down, everything was green and red, and the running memes are about the stock running up and sad memes are when the stock goes down.
About 30 minutes in someone asks, “where you been”, he says “waiting”, what about getting caught? “All part of the plan.”
Then there’s usual suspects movie with the goofy meme “I’ll fuckin do it again”.
——
Jake texting Keith, hilarious (is this about our Jake2b and the story PP had about accidentally going to a gay bar around the first pulte event? So funny with the guy with 600 memes and basically joking that he became a full blown psycho with the memes.
Tell me where the freaks at - epic pump up music. (Psyched on us? Finding other freaks to vibe with.)
Guy looks out the window, then the Teddy in a chair (might have just been a response to Cramer being a smartass). Then Hank (Jim Carrey) starts to lose it as the stock price keeps going down, his alter ego comes out.
Truman show, he’s trying to escape, they say “he’ll turn back he’s too afraid”. They hit him with everything they’ve got but he knows it’s all fake. He says, “is that the best you can do??” (I think this is clearly about fake price movement, trying to keep us trapped in the illusion)
“Fury is a game where every boss fight feels like the final boss. They taunt you, they demand you get back in your prison cell, they pound you into a pulp and they even make you doubt the righteousness of your own quest towards freedom. But the soundtrack man, it keeps egging you on. To whoop some ass!” PP theme music drops. Holy shit.
(This one is obviously talking about us, I cried because I was so happy when I heard this one)
——
The Bullet one talking about time, cause and effect, “don’t try to understand it, just feel it”. “Instinct, got it.”
Morpheus teaching neo it’s all fake. Just before that scene he says, “you think that’s air you’re breathing?” … “Again!”
Alice says “But I don’t want to go among mad people.” The cat replies, “Most everyone’s mad here. You may have noticed I’m not all there myself.” Neo waking up again in the 4th movie.
Alice going down a rabbit hole into wonderland.. psychedelic music and dancing. (That’s us going down the rabbit hole thinking we’ve gone mad but loving every minute of it.)
Next scene guy running and falls over, music says “I lost myself.”
Shawshank, they find the tunnel he made. In 2021 Kitty escaped prison. All they found of him was some Reddit posts, tweets, and an old live stream. Investing is the study of pressure and time. That’s all it takes really, pressure and time. That and a keen goddamn activist.
A man will do anything to keep his mind busy in prison. Turns out kittys favorite activity was handing out memes, a handful at a time (the dirt for the tunnel and the tinfoil that’s helped us dig our way to freedom). Kitty did as he was told, buffed that financial education to a high mirror shine. (I think he’s been getting ready for something big and these memes are just a countdown.)
Bruce Willis. “No, THIS is the Kansas City shuffle.” (An advanced form of confidence trick where the mark is aware of being involved in a swindle and believes that he or she can outsmart the swindler; however, this is all part of the trick, and by attempting to retaliate, the mark unwittingly assists the con artist.) Hedge funds are the mark and dfv/rc are playing a con, the bear trap?
——
Pay attention to what I say, I choose my words carefully and I never repeat myself. The cat looks at the camera.
Michael from the office - It’s Britney bitch. And I am back. Cut to Britney Spears - I must confess I still believe. When I’m not with you I lose my mind. Give me a sign (like how we’re always asking for a sign?? (with the alien g from signs all red like a gme logo giving birth). Hit me BABY one more time!
Goosebumps all the papers fly out of the briefcase right when we get like 200 new dockets clawing back money from 90 days before bbby bk. Bear beware… you’re in for a scare…
Then it’s Abbi from Broad city dancing all over the place and she’s obsessed with bed bath and beyond in the show. There’s also the scene where the other girl is dancing behind a colored blanket with the same logo as HBC and then the next scene she’s tied up. Then they’re dancing again.. and naked then then only in shorts. Naked shorts?
We’ll never survive unless we’re a little crazy. The modern investor unleashes the animal within to take on the big city - that’s gotta be us apes?
What kind of person are you? The kind that sees signs, sees miracles? Or do you believe that people just get lucky? Is it possible that there are no coincidences? The kid holds up a baby monitor. They find a crop circle and it’s two GameStop logos turned in different directions (maybe rc turned GameStop around) and then another one with a long line and a baby gme logo (is gme about to have a baby?!)
Why make something disposable like an investment thesis when you can make something that lasts forever, like a GameStop meme? (It says “Reality” at the bottom of this clip, lol)
Jack Nicholson in the shining (music playing it’s just a matter of time before I lose my mind it’s also a place in ready player one where they have to take the leap not taken, the leap of faith, a kiss). “Make a lot of memes today?” Lol
Can’t stop what’s coming. Kicks some ass.
——
I got both hands off the wheel, the cops are coming. I listen to the music with no fear, you can hear it too if you’re sincere. Cuz I’m a punk rocker yes I am. (song: punkrocker by the teddybears)
Rock ain’t about doing things prefect! Who can tell me what it’s really about? Sticking it to the man! If you wanna rock, you gotta break the rules.
Two cars racing, one plays chicken with a truck and then cut to bojack horseman talking on stage right before they almost crash (stalking horse? Looks just like he horse from 1, 2 switch that GameStop tweeted the minute the stalking horse deadline was up.)
Now you may only see a pile of boring forms and numbers, but I see a story (us going through the dd and maybe holly etlin talking about there’s a story here but it’s not mine to tell)
Listen to this song, it’ll change your life.
(Song is don’t fear the reaper - so don’t be afraid of death, funny because of the cowbell, maybe cowbell is involved in the tinfoil but at the end of the song lyrics not shown in the clip they say: don't be afraid, Come on, baby (and she had no fear) And she ran to him (then they started to fly) They looked backward and said goodbye)
Big Lebowski dude is investigating and finds the drawing of Jackie tree horn and it’s just a guy with a raging erection with the name cohen at the top of the paper. (I think this means rc is ready to fuck)
Jason borne is telling the run Lola run chick he can’t run with her, he has to be careful because people are after him. He says I gotta figure it out. She says well then figure it out. They drive into a parking garage through the wrong way (where it should say exit it says exit strategy and he enters through the exit, parks and walks away, as in “what’s an exit strategy”)
Then it looks like maybe him and rc just waiting and dealing with some bs.
Then there’s the Backstage roaring cat perhaps. The girl says ima stick beside him.
Not sure about everyone shooting each other but someone said maybe because he wrote it and manifested it?
——
Then the dress one “this is art, get it?” Was apparently two minutes after hey Ross and some others were talking about that dress on a space call.
I’m a United States gamestop memer. Aren’t those the guys that go crazy and come back with an arsenal of memes and blast everybody? Sometimes. Price action keeps coming and coming… and then it’s GameStop earnings week! (6/5 aftermarket)
Always sunny scene maybe like a peek into how crazy he’s been feeling not being able to talk to anyone for three years?
He can’t speak or he’ll get in trouble.
Alladin scene (alladin name of trading algo. He also says next time I’ll use a nom de plume - pen name) all I gotta do is jump! (The theme of taking a leap of faith again)
Dreyfus billionaire family (no idea but she’s dancing having a great time)
You can’t handle the truth (code red has to do with a worm/virus, maybe they’re about to unleash something that destroys several companies that are short? And it’s pretty funny)
Beavis and butthead sex for dummies (to me it says rc and dfv are ready to fuck but also cex means centralized exchanges which are also for dummies)
Oceans 11, (theme is a heist. We’re all looking at each other like what’s about to happen and then the last guy is just looking at boobs, seems to describe a group like us lol)
Bernard from westworld can’t see the bear thesis (because in the movie he’s programmed not to but irl it’s because there isn’t a thesis!)
“That’s not a thesis,” pulls out huge knife, “that’s a thesis.”
The gme galaxy on the cat collar says deepfuckingvalue so I think he’s saying it’s still deep value and we often made memes about the black hole of gme absorbing the rest of the market into it so maybe that’s it.
Whats in the box? What’s in the box??? (What’s the plan??? RC not telegraphing his plans)
Guy looks at all the memes - she asks “is it not good?” “It is miraculous.” (That’s us loving every second of this. Thank you dfv.)
And so.. you just RAN. Forest gump runnin’ (gme gonna just keep runnin’)
you go backwards but then you go forwards again… you go backwards… then he walks out of the woods.. (are we out of the woods now? Done going backwards?)
We’ll see. The Zen philosophy story - kid breaks leg, oh that’s bad, can’t go to war, oh now it’s good etc - (I think he’s saying to be zen, we’re gonna win, but this message goes deeper:
We don’t always know what is good or bad. Breaking your leg isn’t good or bad, those are just judgements in our mind. We don’t know what the future holds. Almost anything can be a good thing or a bad thing, all we can do is accept life and how things play out without judgement.)
We’ll see.
Then the boy is saying bye to ET, the music says I’ve really enjoyed my stay, but I must be movin on. (DFV going silent again until this all plays out.)
——
——
He’s saying “we fuckin won fellas! Be zen, and we’ll see this all play out soon enough.”
I think the heavy use of good movies and music and video games may also be hinting at gamestops nft marketplace May reopen to sell those 3 things as NFTs by partnering with blockbuster and some musicians.
LFG 🚀 I’ll see you regards on the moon.

i reported a video where this dude blatantly had his penis out and apparently it wasn't a violation??? but i get comments removed for calling people insane, lmao

The Guess Who - Running Back Thru Canada Live in Winnipeg June 30, 2000 Canwest Global Park Winnipeg MB CA *** Enjoy the full concert FREE @ https://bit.ly/guesswhorunningbackthrucanada *** A Hometown Throwdown Live in the Heart of the Nation by R. Dale Roth 2024-05-18
At the end of June in the summer of 2000, Canadian rock royalty, The Guess Who, stopped Running Back Thru Canada smack dab in the middle of the nation, just long enough to unleash a massive sonic super storm on the band's hometown of Winnipeg.
Under a prairie sky ablaze with the setting sun, Winnipeg's favorite sons, The Guess Who, returned to the heart of their homeland for a concert that resonated with the pride and passion of a nation. Canwest Global Park, a baseball diamond transformed into a rock 'n' roll cathedral, became the epicenter of a musical pilgrimage for fans who had followed the band's journey from local heroes to international icons.
The air crackled with anticipation as the stadium lights illuminated the stage, revealing a backdrop steeped in history: vintage amps that had witnessed countless jam sessions, a drum kit weathered by years on the road, and an unmistakable sense of homecoming. The crowd, a sea of red and white, erupted in a chorus of cheers as the band emerged, their faces beaming with the joy of playing for their hometown faithful.
From the opening chords, it was clear that this was no ordinary concert. It was a communion between a band and its people, a celebration of shared memories and a testament to the enduring power of music to connect and inspire. Burton Cummings, his voice as strong and soulful as ever, poured his heart into every lyric, his every gesture a tribute to the city that had nurtured his talent.
Original guitarist Randy Bachman, a hometown hero in his own right, unleashed a torrent of electrifying riffs, his fingers dancing across the fretboard with the ease and confidence of a seasoned veteran. The rhythm section, a well-oiled machine, provided the driving beat that propelled the music forward, while the keyboards added a touch of psychedelic magic.
As the night unfolded, The Guess Who revisited their greatest hits, each song a cherished memory brought to life. The crowd sang along with every word, their voices blending in a harmonious chorus that echoed throughout the stadium. Cummings, visibly moved by the outpouring of affection, shared anecdotes and reflections on his lifelong love affair with Winnipeg, his words resonating with the deep sense of belonging that permeated the atmosphere.
The stage setup, while simple, was imbued with a sense of history and authenticity. The lighting, a kaleidoscope of colors and patterns, transformed the stage into a living canvas, enhancing the emotional impact of each song. The sound, crisp and powerful, ensured that every note reached every corner of the stadium, creating an immersive experience that transcended the physical space.
As the concert reached its crescendo, The Guess Who unleashed a barrage of their most beloved anthems, the crowd responding with an outpouring of unbridled enthusiasm. The final encore, a heartfelt rendition of a song that has become synonymous with Canadian identity, brought tears to many eyes, a testament to the power of music to evoke deep emotions and forge lasting bonds.
The Guess Who's homecoming concert was more than just a performance; it was a celebration of the unbreakable ties that bind a band to its roots, a reminder that home is where the heart is, and that the music born from that connection has the power to transcend time and touch the souls of generations to come.
Song by song:
1. "Runnin' Back To Saskatoon": The opening chords of this prairie anthem resonated with the crowd, setting the tone for a night of hometown pride and musical nostalgia. Cummings' vocals, infused with a sense of longing and belonging, captured the essence of the Canadian experience.
2. "Rain Dance": The band's signature blend of rock and psychedelia was on full display in this swirling, hypnotic number. Bachman's guitar work, a blend of bluesy riffs and soaring solos, transported the audience to another dimension.
3. "Glamour Boy": This hard-rocking track showcased the band's raw energy and rebellious spirit. Cummings' snarling vocals and Bachman's blistering guitar solos ignited the crowd, sparking a wave of headbanging and fist-pumping.
4. "These Eyes": One of the band's most beloved ballads, this song evoked a bittersweet sense of longing and regret. Cummings' emotive vocals, accompanied by a delicate piano melody, touched the hearts of everyone in the stadium.
5. "Lookin' Out for #1": This self-affirming anthem, with its driving rhythm and catchy chorus, had the crowd singing along at the top of their lungs. The song's message of self-reliance and determination resonated with the independent spirit of the Canadian people.
6. "No Sugar Tonight/New Mother Nature": This medley of two classic hits showcased the band's versatility, seamlessly blending hard rock with acoustic folk. Cummings' dynamic vocals and Bachman's intricate guitar work kept the audience on the edge of their seats.
7. "Let It Ride": This bluesy rocker, with its swaggering groove and suggestive lyrics, injected a dose of raw sensuality into the set. Cummings' playful vocals and Bachman's searing guitar solos fueled the crowd's passion.
8. "Undun": This haunting ballad, with its melancholic melody and poetic lyrics, showcased the band's introspective side. Cummings' plaintive vocals, backed by a sparse arrangement, created a moment of quiet reflection.
9. "American Woman": The band's most iconic anthem, this song exploded with an energy that shook the stadium to its foundations. Cummings' defiant vocals and Bachman's iconic riff ignited a frenzy of national pride.
10. "Albert Flasher": This quirky, tongue-in-cheek number, with its playful lyrics and infectious rhythm, brought a smile to everyone's face. Cummings' mischievous vocals and the band's lighthearted performance created a moment of pure fun.
11. "Takin' Care of Business": This high-octane rocker, with its driving beat and motivational lyrics, had the crowd on their feet and singing along. The song's message of hard work and perseverance resonated with the Canadian work ethic.
12. "Laughing": This introspective ballad, with its melancholic melody and poignant lyrics, explored the darker side of human emotions. Cummings' vulnerable vocals and the band's understated performance created a moment of shared empathy.
13. "Bus Rider": This funky, groove-laden track, with its catchy chorus and danceable rhythm, injected a dose of soulful energy into the set. Cummings' playful vocals and the band's tight interplay had the crowd moving to the beat.
14. "No Time": This hard-rocking anthem, with its driving rhythm and rebellious lyrics, unleashed a wave of raw energy. Cummings' powerful vocals and Bachman's blistering guitar solos ignited the crowd's passion.
15. "Share The Land": The concert culminated with this iconic anthem, a rallying cry for unity and compassion. Cummings' heartfelt vocals and the band's soaring performance brought the crowd together in a shared moment of national pride.
Featuring: The Guess Who
Burton Cummings - lead vocals, piano, harmonica, flute, guitar
Randy Bachman - vocals, guitar
Don McDougall - vocals, guitar
Bill Wallace - bass, vocals
Garry Peterson - drums, percussion, vocals
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Thanks for watching. D♠️R
https://reddit.com/link/1cv34ye/video/irqspvxb481d1/player

Hi, I know some of you have been interested in Joost’s written stuff, so this is one of them. It’s a short story that Joost wrote for Boekenweek voor Jongeren (Book Week for Young People) in 2019. There’s more info about it here (in Dutch) https://www.vice.com/nl/article/qvgzpv/joost-klein-schreef-een-kort-verhaal-over-een-wilde-nacht-in-berlijn and there was also this promo video for it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wx7wxnpxps0. It's been translated from Dutch - maybe not the most perfect translation but it's readable. Original in Dutch here. Enjoy

"How come he suddenly has cash?" I looked at Gurb, but he avoided my gaze. Louis never had money and yet he was buying another round. Meanwhile, a Moby song was playing and nothing made sense. "If he has money for drinks, he can surely pay me back, right?"
Just a few hours ago, I was alone in Berlin. Now, ten hours later, I'm standing in some obscure techno club with my best friends. Loud rock music with drunken shouting. "Hey, Miss Murder, can I make beauty stay if I take my life?" I woke up that day with a mild hangover from the lonely yet people-filled night before. Perfect conditions for a 20-year-old dropout.
The Hard Rock Café was the most beautifully ugly place in Berlin. Gurb had driven for seven hours straight in his mother's car, but we didn't notice. An iconic black Mini Cooper. Your body leads your mind, the beat never stops, and you can conquer the world. Louis threw in another crazy dance move. We were happy.
"Do you want another drink, brother?" Gurb asked me, half shouting. An evening filled with rhetorical questions. He saw me dancing and already knew the answer.
Gurb always had money. Louis, on the other hand, never did. Louis was also the youngest of us three. He had just turned 18. I wouldn't call him a cunning fox. More like a jack-of-all-trades. Like the time he made a lot of money on a Wadden Island with a group of boys. They sold large blocks of hash.
"Crazy dude!" I shouted at him. He yelled something back.
"Do you remember back then?" Louis said.
"Back then? Back then? Yeah man, of course!" I had no idea what he meant. "Do you mean the party?"
"Do you mean the party, he says! This guy. When I look at you like this, it makes me happy. The exact same kid is here letting loose just like back in high school!"
We knew each other from secondary school. He joined when I was in the second grade. He was very intelligent. Too young, too much knowledge of the world. His mother is from Brazil. We often went to his mother's place to play on the Playstation Louis and I had bought together.
I lived everywhere at that time. In the crisis shelter where I stayed for a while, for example, I wasn't allowed to have a Playstation. So we set it up in an accessible place, near school. It was always fun with Louis. Going together to the Apple Store. Taking all kinds of photos with all the webcams, posting them on Hyves, and then leaving. Louis always knew how to cheer me up.
"Aaaaaaaaaa!" There was Gurb with five drinks in his hands. Gurb was wearing a blue checkered shirt. Two buttons undone. Hair slicked back. "You look good, brother!"
"You look fresh too! We all look fresh!" Gurb said enthusiastically. Louis was wearing a completely white outfit. We quickly bought this before going out. He also bleached his hair.
"You look like the Brazilian cousin of James Dean in these clothes," I said. Louis laughed. "Let me take a picture."
Suddenly, the DJ switched to some kind of techno. "Ah, here Berlin briefly takes off its mask." I was fine with it all. Louis was talking to a lady.
Voluptuous breasts, I thought to myself. He gave her one of his two drinks.
"He's with a girl and he's thinking with his dick," I said to Gurb. "Let him be, tonight Berlin is ours!"
The bass kept pounding. "I simply don't have the patience for the club," I said to Gurb. He looked surprised. Like a sweet dog, tilting his head. "I'm just waiting for tomorrow. Can't do my thing here. Don't have patience for the already known. I want adventure and I want it now!"
Gurb started laughing. "Patience is a virtue." Yes. Patience is all well and good, but I think it's a waste of my time. Gurb grabbed my shoulder.
"I think it's time for another beer."
Louis and I were walking through Leeuwarden a year ago when suddenly a red Ford Ka stopped in front of us. It was Gurb, casually driving around the city. He invited us into his car. We hopped in. Since that afternoon, the three of us were together. A few months later, Louis got a tattoo on his ribs in honor of our friendship. It was the name of our group chat. Braddar Force Indigo.
There were also days when Gurb would take me for a drive around Friesland. He reminded me how beautiful Friesland is. The world doesn't spin there. The newspapers I threw away in the Stiens forest in 2011 could still be lying in the same spot, so to speak.
Just before midnight, I found myself in line for the restroom. My eyes fell on a pair of striking shoes. Cigarette smoke invaded my nose for the fourth time. "Müssen Sie eine Zigarette haben?" a female voice spoke to me. I felt like Tom Hanks in the final scene of Angels & Demons, where the new pope first steps onto the balcony. The curtains opened. There I was, witnessing an important moment in history. I was just told how I was sent by God, but my ears didn't want to hear any of it. At least that's how I felt. My mouth was empty. I had no words left. That's when I knew for sure. Berlin might really be as crazy as literally everyone says.
Dark blond, silky hair. Was this real beauty then? She wouldn't look 40, but I think she was. A true woman. Beautiful in all her elegance. I always joked about being interested in older women, but tonight one stood in front of me. "I don't smoke," I said to her.
Someone tapped me. "Please, just go to the toilet!" He was right. I hadn't peed in a while either. My urine was cloudy. "Glomerulonephritis," I said to myself on the toilet. This is an unusual condition. It's an inflammation in the kidneys, I thought I remembered. They should never have given me access to Google.
The evening progressed, and Louis kept buying rounds. "But seriously now. How does Louis suddenly have all that money for drinks?" I asked Gurb. He was outside smoking with a group of Swiss girls. I had strategically positioned myself so that I could always leave the crime scene if necessary.
"You shouldn't ask me," said Gurb. He was laughing with the temporary girlfriend group of Louis. Gurb has a beard. A lot of chicks like that. I get it too.
As much as I enjoyed Louis and Gurb being here for me, something didn't sit right with me. It couldn't just be about the money. "What's up with him?" I heard one of the Swiss girls say to Gurb.
Those kinds of questions really tire me out. "Not much, with you?" I replied.
They all started laughing. "That's not what she meant, brother," said Gurb.
"I couldn't care less whether she meant it or not. Send that brace-face back to Switzerland. Don't drive me crazy, alright!"
Actually, I hadn't drunk that much that evening. "Two vodka Sprites, please!" It's rare for me to get just one drink. "I always get two drinks, then you have to wait shorter for the third one!" Maybe the alcohol was affecting me more than I wanted to admit. Oh well, it was still the three of us against the world.
"Nice shoes, are those Prada?" I asked a random girl at the bar.
"No, these are fake. Why would I buy real ones for 600 dollars if I could just buy these for 20?"
"..."
I'm not very good at that. Talking. To women.
Louis and Gurb were in the smoking area now. It was less blue than the dance floor itself. My clothes already stank, so a visit to the smoking area couldn't hurt. "These people are so underground!" Gurb shouted. Louis was filming him with his phone. "These people..." There was a brief pause. As if Gurb forgot the only line he had. "...so underground!" All three of us burst into laughter. The alcohol flowed through our veins as if it came from the purest mountains. People seemed doubled and the room was full. We had been in the same club in Berlin for several hours.
"Leonardo! What are you hiding from the big boss?" I sometimes called Louis ‘DiCaprio.’ "You a rich guy, now?" I said, with an accent as if I were from the Bronx.
Louis started laughing. "Eh, you know nothing. Bullshit talk."
I had to laugh too. What was I even worried about? Friends are friends, with or without money. That shouldn't matter. Louis probably just worked for that money. Maybe it wasn't as bad as I thought. Maybe he just had enough to buy rounds. But what if my gut feeling was right? That feeling was never wrong. Except for that one time at the Holland Casino in Groningen. Even the best of us have slip-ups. I was just getting worked up again. When it comes down to it, Louis is one of the sweetest guys I know. I had to let it go. After all, it's still Louis.
"I think I'm going to have sex soon, man," Louis said.
"With who?" I asked immediately.
"That one girl."
"Which one?"
"The one with the boobs."
"Oh, her. Just be careful."
"What kind of reaction is that?" Louis asked indignantly.
I'd only had four drinks, but I was acting like a mess. Louis was right. I didn't understand myself. Where was my head at? I'm here in Berlin, supposed to be having the time of my life, but here I am feeling lonely and sad again. Joost once again couldn't control his emotions.
"Sorry," I suddenly said to Louis. "Sorry for my behavior. Been acting dumb towards you all night. It's unnecessary." Sometimes I have that. Mood swings. "Know that crime is never the solution. We've talked about this so many times. Yes, it's tempting and sometimes easy money. I sometimes find it amusing too, but it's always hypothetical. Ask me for help. I can help you, even with illegal things. I'll always have your back." The dancing was kind of over.
The words I had just placed on Louis's plate came from my heart. My Frisian, irregular boys' heart.
Crying in the club. I had never seen myself like that. Crying, yes. In the club, no. I never understood the taboo around crying. Or emotions in general. I saw myself in the mirror. They weren't tears of joy. They weren't tears of sadness either. It was me letting everything go. All the emotions I had ever felt. The emotions I felt between my brother and sister and myself because they wanted to take on a parental role over me, but I was in puberty, so I pushed them away. The emotions I felt when my old neighbors were supposed to take care of my dog, but didn't tell me that he was bitten by one of their dogs. They didn't have money for the surgery, they later told me. They were ashamed of their lack of money. My dog died from this injury. Even the emotions that were all jumping at once during the retake for my swimming diploma A, I let go of.
No emotions. Just for a moment, not feeling anything. Is that too much to ask for?
"You still don’t smoke?"
It had to be the voice of the woman with the cigarettes. I looked over my shoulder through the mirror. It was her. The one with dark blond, silky hair.
"Not to be rude, but this is the men’s room," I said. She took a step closer and kissed me on my lips. It tasted like more. We started kissing. It had been a while since I had had female contact at this level. It probably didn't look good and it didn't feel good either. She started kissing my neck. Slowly, I noticed the pressure in the erectile tissues of my penis starting to increase. "I really don't have time for this!" I thought to myself. The woman with the cigarettes started to slowly sink down until she was on her knees. I didn't want this. Not now, not like this. She unraveled my penis from my Polo Ralph Lauren underwear. Her tongue was blue. It was probably from cheap shots of alcohol.
Was this real beauty then? Was this the beginning or the end of her story? And had I become the boy my parents hoped I would be? I thought about the fact that this was once someone's little daughter. Somewhere in the world, an old man might be wondering what his daughter is doing. Am I really putting pleasure above my own morals and values?
With my semi-erect circumcised penis still exposed, I lifted her up. After giving her a kiss on her forehead, I pulled up my pants and left the toilets.
It was the usual last hour in any club ever. I met Louis and Gurb at the bar. "Should we have another drink?" I asked Gurb. "I feel like having a cocktail. Something sweet. Lots of sugar. What about you?"
Gurb looked at the menu. "A cognac would go down well right now."
"A cognac? You're only nineteen!" Gurb and Louis laughed. "Two Tequila Sunrises please!" I called to the bartender. "Also, two beers! Thanks!" I also got a beer for Louis. At first, I didn't want to, but I didn't want to spoil the mood either. Besides, I didn't want to show too much that it bothered me so much.
We danced away the last minutes. The club closed, and we decided to walk with the group of Swiss girls. Apparently, they were staying nearby.
As I lagged behind the group, one of them tried to start a conversation with me. "Are you okay?" she asked kindly.
"I'm fine. Just had too much beer. Makes me sleepy." Not true at all, but I've heard people say that.
"You’re tired? The fun has only just began!" And as she said this, she pulled something out of her inner pocket. Her clenched fist, shielded by a half jacket. Who is this girl, anyway? I thought to myself. She opened her hand flat, and right in the center of her palm lay two small pills with a smiley face on them. At least, they looked like it.
"Oh, I don’t do drugs. Sorry."
"Me neither!" And she swallowed a pill. "Now it’s your turn... Or are you scared?"
Scared? Who did this crazy Swiss witch (with really beautiful eyes) think she was. With her "are you scared". I'll show her who's scared.
"Scared? I’m not scared." I picked up the remaining pill and swallowed it.
Everything went in slow motion. Was this who I had become? Was this the same boy from high school? And just before I could swallow, I spat out the pill. She was shocked. I picked up the pill again, dried it with my jacket, and put it back in her fist. "Maybe later!" I shouted, running back to the group, over my shoulder.
I have nothing to say to 9 out of 10 peers I come across. Of course, I can be social. I can also have fun with random people in random situations, but that night, it just tired me out. I also didn't understand what we were doing there. Those girls found me strange anyway. Suddenly, I was the fifth wheel.
"We know this place where they go until 7 in the morning!" The girl leader of the group spoke. I wanted to go home. "If you guys want, you can go. Don't worry about me," I said to Gurb and Louis. The boys had a brief discussion. We agreed to stay for just a little while longer for some drinks. I consented. I was thirsty. "I'll have a Fanta, Louis."
Gurb had reached the last cigarette in his pack. Louis and a girl from the group were nowhere to be found. It didn't even bother me. This guy just walks around with some cash in his pocket and all hell breaks loose. After a night full of stimuli, I understood Louis. Of course, I understood Louis. He's a young god. Handsome, smart guy. But that didn't make me any less angry. It was purely about trust for me. Something inside me said I should stop subconsciously expecting things from people too. It prevents disappointment.
"Hotel please!" I jokingly suggested to Gurb. "Should you call Louis or should I?" I added. Gurb immediately grabbed his Android smartphone and called Louis. He put the call on speaker.
"Are you ready?" Gurb asked.
"Yeah. Sort of."
"What do you mean?"
"We didn't have sex."
"That's fine, right? Tomorrow's a new day!"
"I think I'm in love, man," Louis said.
"...," Gurb said, chuckling as he let out a sigh.
Once we arrived at the girls' hostel, it was already getting light. Louis was thankfully back. There were stains on his pants, around his knees. My focus was solely on arranging a taxi. Although the boys were still flirting, I was really done now. "How are we going to pay for this taxi?" I said a bit too loudly.
There was a silence. "Don't worry. I still have cash," Gurb said.
"Yeah, I knew you would," I replied.
My words clearly hit Louis. "What do you mean by that?" he said.
It was as if time stood still for a few seconds. "Exactly what I said. Better listen." Louis pulled out a small wad of green bills from his pocket. At least 400 euros. "I don't even want to see that money," I reacted. I walked away.
I'll just order a taxi myself.
"Why are you walking away now?" Gurb said.
"Twelve hours ago, I was alone too, and I had a lot more fun then."
"Do you really want to know how I got this money?" Louis said.
Yes, I did want to know. My whole evening revolved around that damn money.
He took a second of pause before he began speaking. "The answer lies in the Mini."
What on earth could be in Gurb's mother's car? Louis was trying to get into my head. "Taxi!"
Once in the taxi, the division was clear. Gurb was upfront, chatting animatedly with the driver. All adventures ever were recounted. Louis and I in the back. One of my best friends since I was thirteen. Funny how things turn out. It was quiet between us. I was in my head, rehearsing how I would bring up the money again. It didn't add up, and he knew it himself. "I don't care, you know," I said, hoping he'd break.
"What don't you care about?"
"About that money."
"What money? You're really a crazy woozy man." Louis burst out laughing again.
On the other hand, it was silent. Gurb had started talking about the driver's family. The driver didn't appreciate it. Gurb meant well. The driver smelled of alcohol. Or was it me? His nails were polished. Maybe his wife was a specialist. I bite my nails myself. Like now.
"In the Mini, oh yeah."
"Shut up. Illegal man."
"You'll never know."
"Stop playing. Just say it!"
Louis grabbed my head, pulled himself towards me, and brought his mouth to my right ear. "Why so serious?" he whispered. He didn't want to tell me.
"But always with this damn money, huh?" I almost shouted at Louis. I broke every silence within a radius of 10 kilometers.
"I'm trying my best, bro. It is what it is. I can't make it any different," he replied. It was clearly bothering him deeply. He ran his hands through his hair. "Sometimes people have to do things. And you know that better than anyone. Sometimes they have to do things they don't really want to or aren't supposed to do."
I knew this spiel all too well. Through all the drunken haziness, I suddenly saw a small glimmer of light. A tiny spark of sincerity. Louis was serious this time.
"I'm sorry. I didn't want to involve you in this. I'm sorry," sweat dripped from his forehead.
"You're serious, huh? Damn, man. What mess have you gotten yourself into now? Worse than Terschelling?" Worse than Terschelling would mean stolen goods. Maybe even violence.
"It's not what you think."
"The Adlon Hotel, right?" the driver chimed in. Always saved by the bell, that Louis.
Suddenly I hit my head against the seat in front of me. Of course, I wasn't wearing my seatbelt. The last thing I saw was Gurb waking up in panic from his drunken stupor. One by one, I started losing my senses. It started with the feeling in my fingers. For a brief moment, everything wasn't quite black, and I could only see a vague pattern of colors repeating inside my eyelids. You could compare it to the brief moment after the commercial break before the movie starts in the cinema. The movie was about to begin.
I knew I wasn't dying. At least not yet. Not like this. Not after an overall mediocre night out in Berlin. I found comfort in the image I forced myself to see. It was all in my head. There I was, unconscious.
I saw myself in a third-person point of view. It wasn't like I was actually leaving my body. More like there was a webcam hanging in one of the upper corners of the taxi.
As a child, I used to dream a lot about death. Nights spent awake.
At some point, I developed a kind of compulsive behavior. I kept swaying my torso from left to right with my hands under my head. It became almost like a workout before bedtime. Every night.
I called it dream shuffling. Just like I had learned to shuffle puzzle pieces or playing cards. Making things a little exciting for yourself. But what I almost never told anyone was that I was scared. I was afraid of burglars, who were very agile and muscular.
Especially afraid that they would murder me. I really wanted to know what death was like. It scared me.
These fear visions originated during an all-inclusive vacation in Turkey. I was 6 years old and already in bed. There was a big old TV in our hotel room, so I could secretly watch TV from bed. Every evening, my parents sat on the balcony. Here they discussed their day while enjoying a glass of alcohol. There was a Japanese animated series on TV. In the few seconds that I watched, I saw a scary creature climbing a sort of apartment complex via the balconies. The creature had hundreds of teeth and blond hair. It quickly entered to decapitate the people, then drained them and, as a final insult, robbed them. Dozens of carcasses of dead people were scattered around the apartment complex. The complex on TV resembled the resort where we were in reality, and the TV world merged with my surroundings. I became part of it. I saw people watching. No matter how loudly I screamed for help, they didn't react. The sun became very bright, and the people turned into nothing more than shadows. As the intensity of the sun increased, something became clear to me. These were not people. They had a sort of orange skin. Where I had previously thought it was their nose and mouth, it turned out that these shadowy figures did not have such physical features. They simply had three holes in their heads. The police tried to do something, but in vain. Since then, we always kept the light on in the hallway outside my bedroom. By rocking back and forth, from left to right, I could glance fleetingly at the beam of light under the door. That bit of light, escaping from the hallway into my room, gave me an advantage. It allowed me to stay one step ahead of the burglars. Pretty smart, right?
"From Jamaica to the world!
It’s just love. Why must the children play in the street?"
It was Bob Sinclar with "Love Generation" speaking to us through the taxi's speakers. We were stationary. I was conscious again, but I didn't feel alive at all. "How long was I out?" I asked Louis.
I could tell by his expression that he was relieved. Relieved that I was back. "One minute," he almost apologized. Louis gave me a pat on the shoulder. Gurb, on the other hand, was sleeping. He slept like a baby cub.
I put my right index finger on my forehead. It felt wet, but it wasn't blood. Blood feels different. Meanwhile, I kept hearing whistling.
"Be the love generation! Oh yeah!" It was still that same song by Bob Sinclar.
The earlier scent of alcohol had now been replaced by the smell of incense. It smelled like the same incense I had in my room. Sold to me as Tibetan 39 incense. I had bought it at a coffee shop in Rotterdam. I pulled up my notes on my phone. "Who lights incense in a CAR????" I let Louis read from my screen. He took the phone from my hands and started typing as well.
"Look at Gurb >>>" Gurb was so deeply asleep that his head drooped. His seatbelt held his torso in place, but his head ended up on the driver's shoulder. The man didn't mind. He didn't move. I made eye contact with the driver through the rearview mirror, and soon I found him. He winked at me.
We arrived at the hotel. Gurb awakened from his alcoholic hibernation. "Who's going to pay for the taxi?" I asked. Clearly rhetorical. I already knew I would take this one for the team, as usual. I refused to use Louis's money. It was uncomfortably quiet. "By card please," I said.
"I'll always protect you, Louis. You really need to know that. I care about you like my own little brother. I'll always try to help you. But you have to be honest with me. Can you do that?" Louis didn't hesitate.
"Yes. Yes, I can. I'll show you. It's really in the Mini." Meanwhile, the taxi driver's card machine indicated that I had insufficient funds. That couldn't be right. Maybe I had withdrawn too much that evening.
"I have cash in the hotel room," Gurb said to me. Gurb informed the driver in broken English that he would go get his cash. The driver agreed. Money is money, whether it comes now or later. As long as it feels good in your hands.
Louis and I got out of the taxi. "You're not going to light a cigarette now, are you?" Louis wanted to smoke. "Especially for stress. That's really for people who can't handle pain. You need to feel pain. Pain needs to brand you for the rest of your life so you finally learn not to do such stupid things." It fell silent again. My blood boiled. All pots were on the stove. I felt like Gordon Ramsay in the kitchen. "Show me then. Do it."
Louis remained silent and walked around the corner of the hotel. Towards the parking lot. I followed him. "You're not going to find much," said Louis.
"Why not? Are you a magician?"
"No. Just. Not much."
"So there's suddenly magically nothing in Gurb's car?"
"Stop. Get out. Get out of my head!" Louis shouted. Louis had had enough. He was done with the parade. Normally we dealt with hypothetical stories. Only this time it wasn't a joke. I was sure now. Louis had dropped his mask. The revolution had begun. The government had fallen and the dikes had broken. The people were in charge. "You shouldn't freak out like this. Always wanting more. Sweet boy, think about yourself."
After Gurb gave the money to the driver, he came to us. He had a smile on his face, lit a cigarette, and exclaimed, "Brothers!" Once with us, he hugged me. He started laughing. "Maybe I haven't been entirely honest either." Sometimes Gurb seemed like a 38-year-old man. In a positive way. He exuded confidence in a way I didn't often see. Affectionate, with a hint of authority.
We stood in the middle of a large parking lot. "Look. We've reached a point where I might not even care anymore. You guys are teasing me." It did matter to me. Maybe more than ever. I was supposed to be two steps ahead of them, but I couldn't figure it out. "I give up."
The delightful silence returned. Louis and Gurb looked at each other. "You guys win. Apparently, I'm not to be trusted as a friend."
From Louis's expression, I could tell he disagreed with this. "Not true. Come to the car."
We arrived at the car. Louis unlocked it and searched for the trunk button. Gurb had started his third cigarette. "It's a corpse, isn't it? Say it now. I can still help you. I can still help us. I can book a ticket for you. We can get you out of here," I said to Louis.
"Just wait. Nutcase."
"Why won't you accept my help?"
Louis started laughing nervously. Or at least it seemed that way. Perhaps a sly laugh too. Had Louis killed someone? "It's not a corpse. That can't be. You wouldn't be stupid enough to use their ID. You're smarter than that. So it must be something stolen. Haven't you found that button yet?"
Suddenly, we heard a click. Louis had found the button. Somewhere, I didn't want to know. Shouldn't I just trust Louis? Wasn't that the whole point of friendship?
Finally, the moment had arrived. I placed my right hand in the slot of the rear hatch. Something in me doubted. Still. I still doubted. Louis looked dead serious. "You wanted to know, didn't you? Then you also have to be man enough to accept it." Louis was clearly not joking. Or was he acting again? "Pussy," Louis said. I looked away. "You're afraid of what's inside, huh? You're afraid of the real Louis." He began to laugh manically. "Open that thing, man. Nutcase!"
I started laughing too. Why did I make such a big deal out of it? Sweat broke out from every pore in my body. It was even a bit damp in the no man's land between my scrotum and my anus. A tropical climate. It had been quite an adventure the whole evening. I took my hand off the rear hatch and first gave Louis a hug. Not some half-hearted birthday wish. No, a real hug.
"It's okay, buddy," Louis said to me. I had no idea what he meant by that. It fit the moment though.
It was really time now. I opened the rear hatch.
"Where is it?"
"In front of you," said Louis.
"In some secret compartment?"
There was nothing in the trunk. Absolutely nothing. An empty trunk. For an empty evening, in an empty Berlin, with an empty group of guys. I didn't get it.
"You won, man," I whispered. "You finally fucking done did it."
I couldn't believe my eyes. Empty? There was still nothing in the car. Louis just stood there. Emotionally, I was a wreck. I had felt every emotion this evening. Seen every color and smelled every scent. I was done. My body was ready. No longer needed. My mission was complete.
"But why did you do this?" I asked Louis, laughing.
He scratched his chin. It felt like the end of a bad movie.
"I sold our Playstation. Wanted to tell you only after I had sorted everything out again. I terminated my lease. Had some debts, and I also wanted to have some money for once. Once not empty-handed in the club. Once not dependent on my best friends. This is not who I am... I know how much that Playstation meant to you. It was ours together. I should have just told you."
"… and how does Gurb actually make his money?"

Our servant Suresh is a womanizer. He had a lot of sexual experiences at the places where he worked and is an expert in seducing women. He used to share his experiences with me. He told me that he gets erection on seeing women with fat ass .
One day I got suspicious because my mom and Suresh was talking in low tone . Mom saying ”shhh…what is this? Is this time for such talks? what if somebody listen this? Abhay is in the room.” . Now I was sure that something is really going on between them. But I was not aware of its degree. I thought It may be just started or something already happened.
Day by day I became curious to know what going on between them. I decided to get the cat out . one day when my parents were away on a family function, I stayed at home . Suresh was there for my company. I brought one full size old monk rum and chicken leg piece for him . he was very happy . He sat with me and enjoyed the drinks.
He had a good capacity to drink so that he was fine near to a half bottle. After that when I found that he started slightly lose control, I put the subject on his sexual adventures. He talked about how he seduced and fucked different women of our colony . he tell me that he love to fuck bubble butt women in his fav doggy pose . He love to seduce women from rich families . I tactfully made him to reveal his opinion that my mother is the most sexy woman he seen around because my mom has nice bubble butt and suresh always stare at her butt . I asked him straight ‘Then why you didn’t tried for her?’
He got upset. He sat silently for a while. He took one more drink and gradually said that he already fucked my mom dozen time. I got shocked of my life . I can't believe that my mom had fucked him . my body felt heated even without drinking a drop. I just tell him that he was lying . He was afraid of my reaction. I took him into confidence. I was very curious . I told him that if you were fucking her then prove it to me . He opened his mobile play a video and hand over me . I was totally shocked in the video he fucked my mom in doggy and she was screaming loudly . In Another video my mom sucking his penis . After that he promise me to show me real fucking . Suresh still fucking my mom . I feel bad for my dad cause he love my mom alot .

20 years old
My buddy and I decided to hop on rad without a thought. He literally told me one day “yo it’s time” and i was like fuck it. Wasn’t in the best mental space and was just looking for something to add in my life i guess. So we bought the rad and the novla at the same time. 20 or 30mg daily it was 2 pills a day. I started doing 1 morning 1 at night and then eventually both in the morning.
A week in, feeling great. Pumps were insane. I could remember waking up with a chest pump and it was just something else.. i was eating the most ive been eating in my life. Pure beef, rice, vegetables, eggs toast etc. Aggression was getting up there as well.
I had gone back to my ex of 3 years just to fuck around. She came with the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. She wanted to show me her new place she had just got with her new stripper money. So i was like fuck it what can go wrong. Ima go there, fuck and leave. I already knew she was talking to other guys so there was nothing serious to go on. The guy she was talking to at the moment HATED me… partly due to all the lies she’s put in him for the attention. Anytime i would go back to fuck, she would tell him how bad i treated her. She basically told me this guy wanted to kill me.
Anyway, we fuck, i leave and a couple days pass… my tires are slashed… Off the top of my head i knew it had to do with this guy. The last time he found out i messed around with her, he created a fake instagram account impersonating me to which his mom confirmed that he’d done this in the past. I can remember egging his house after the account was made and he basically came to my door with his mom explaining the whole fake account stuff.
Moving on, the day i found out my tire was fucked (the hole was the size of a knife) I quickly went to his house. To talk to his mom of course… i didn’t want any more trouble.
I rang the doorbell and nobody answered. So i sat there for like 20 minutes on the little chair he had outside. I came to my senses and just left.
He lived in one of those compounds or town houses whatever u wanna call it …. The parking lot was far away from their actual house.
So im walking back to my car and as im getting in, i see his rat ass in his car yelling on the phone. He was yelling on the phone basically saying “he hurt someone that i care about” on and on. I started filming him and laughing…
Anyway i get in my car and i can see him following me. After 10 minutes of driving, our cars finally come side to side. We exchange roasts. Im basically telling him “she dont want you lol” and he’s threatening me saying “you better watch your back” blah blah blah
Minutes pass and im getting phone calls from other women, telling me to be careful “You dont know what hes capable of” “He’s dangerous” Blah blah blah
I told him we could settle this right here right now. And he drove off.
3 days later i see this kid at the gym. And wow was i excited to see him. I told myself if he tries to pull some funny shit hes going down. So im at the row machine finishing up my set, onto the cable pullovers. And i lock eyes with this fucker. Hes smiling and giving me some winks…. So without a thought, i walk over there and punch twice.. smack in the face. He was sitting down and eventually started to kick me off like my sisters would in a fight at home.
People came to defuse the situation, i got my phone back which fell out of my pocket and i went to continue my workout.
Eventually my friend was like “yo lets get the fk out of here” He was more paranoid than i was. He was also my lift So we did. Went straight home Hours pass and i hear the doorbell ring with some aggressive knocks… fuck Mom comes up to my room “WTF DID YOU DO” “COPS ARE HERE” I go to the door and they were basically saying i was under arrest, i could call a lawyer blah blah
I go back upstairs and im asking my friend “Bro wtf do i do”
Anyway i end up just complying, im in the back of their car, answering questions and now i got a whole court date for this little twerp. He told the cops i had hit him with gym equipment… which i did not.
Months go by, my lawyer gets the video from the gym which gets my “aggravated assault” charge dropped.
I had do to some therapy sessions over zoom which had costed me a fortune….
After the cycle i felt like garbage for 2 weeks. Novla was the pct. I was in the darkest time of my life…
The girl was no help, she basically said “dont drag me into this” blah blah playing the victim as usual even tho she said it was hot.
After the 2 weeks of hell i started to feel better. Never got tested for my hormones but i knew the test came back. Motivation, sex drive was back and way better than ever. Could even tell by the quality of my sperm…
Months pass, i hop back on, nothing special happened, controlled my agression, went back to the girl. Did a ton of molly with her and drank countless times. Ended up getting my car smashed probably from the guy found out she told him some horrible lies but i had better things going on with my life. Got closer to god, fixed the car… court case is still not closed yet but is looking good.
My advice if you want to hop on rad:

1. Make sure your in a good mental state (it will become depressing.. everything will seem 10x worse)
   
2. Get your bloodwork done after (i still havent got mine done after both cycles)
   
3. Do it with a friend ( definitely helped my situation as we both felt shit but knew it was the rad)
   
4. Eat well ( 2nd cycle was ass cause i didnt eat like the first time)
   

edit About the rad -Strength went up like crazy -Size was insane -weight went up about 15lbs
Lost all of it in the end Probably due to lack of motivation, wasnt eating blah blah Months later i am now back and bigger than ever NATURALLY Did the rad help? You tell me. Plenty of people saying “it wasn’t the rad” blah blah ok…but if you’ve been on rad before you can agree that it doesn’t help with the climax of my story. Rad140 does come with mood swings, hormone imbalance and heightened aggression.. half of you probably took some fake shit to begin with.

ETA after reading ~5 comments my title should be changed to "why the fuck am I (a powerful, strong, talented, brilliant woman) putting up with this and what do I do about it?"

Mobile, apologies for length. Ambivalent about advice, mostly looking for solidarity.
I (34F) work full time. It's a great job with a ton of flexibility and I work from home in my closed-door office. My husband (34M) left his job when my maternity leave ended so he could stay home with our precious 7m daughter.
Before she was born, I handled every aspect of mental and emotional load of managing the house, pets, budget, and friend and family relationships. We split tactical chores pretty evenly, with each picking up the other's slack if one of us was sick our traveling for work.
When I got pregnant with our very planned and very wanted baby, I had horrible GD and spent most of my non-work time hunched over the toilet or sleeping. Husband took on the vast lion's share of chores but I still maintained ownership of all the house/pet/relationship management. I regularly showered him with appreciative gifts, words of gratitude, and all the blowjobs I could manage. We are not struggling financially so the gifts were really nice! Things like playoff tickets to his favorite NFL team, a new mountain bike, first class flights to go see his friends across the country, etc. My man was working HARD and I needed him to know how much I see it and love him for taking care of me and our growing baby.
Baby was born and it was a traumatic 14 days in the NICU while I recovered from an emergency C-section. Luckily neither she nor I have any lingering issues and we're both healthy. I started my maternity leave and husband went back to work. When he would come home, he took an hour for himself to "decompress" every day before engaging with me or baby. So that meant 12 hours a day was spent with me pumping and BFing while trying to heal from said traumatic delivery and keep some semblance of sanity. One day he finished his decompression time and blew up at me for not doing enough during the day and it's ridiculous that he comes home to see bottles and pump parts in the sink and the laundry not done. We moved past it.
Fast forward to now. I've been back at work for a few months and he's a SAHD. Except he's never actually spent a full day being alone with our kid and certainly does not do all that would be expected of a SAHM. I do all the night duty and then get the baby up in the morning, and usually take my first meeting with her in my arms, along with all the other morning things that need to happen in a house with 2 dogs and a cat.
I do the laundry. I manage our calendar. I take all ownership of washing pump parts and bottles. I get the texts from his family asking why they haven't seen the baby in a week and what I'm planning on doing for HIS mother for mother's day. (Speaking of which... My first mothers day was spent at his mother's house, giving her "his gift". I'm still deeply hurt by this but unsure what the point of bringing it up now would be).
During my work day, husband will just bring the baby upstairs and hand her to me and say he "needs to get something done". I run international teams of highly skilled IT folks and certainly can't do that with a wiggly baby who loves slamming her fists on my keyboard. He also texts me from downstairs around 12-2pm every day asking when I'm going to be done with work and gets SUPER grumpy if I have to work a full 8 hours.
He does all the cooking and meal planning, which I'm grateful for.
The laundry isn't done. The lawn isn't mown. The list of home improvements that he was so excited to do has gone untouched. The dishes aren't done. The floor isn't swept. The dog isn't walked. The baby self-entertains in the baby-safe living room (that I created) while he plays video games on the consoles I've bought him and his phone. He doesn't see his friends and gets jealous/mad when I plan something for myself, even if I'm taking the baby with me for a lunch date with a girlfriend.
When I try to talk to him about this, he shuts down due to his entire family being emotionally stunted and no one has ever talked about their goddamn feelings.
I love this man. I just am really struggling to do it all and don't think I should have to.

Gonna freely spoil main series games up to AJ and the Chronicles Duology.
At this point in the rankdown, we're left with heavy hitters. Even the bit parts, the Caidins, the Menimemos, etc.- they all pull pretty crucial weight in bringing the often cacophonous story of DGS to life. (except olive green, but i don't have that cut in me right now). So now, it is time to kill our darlings.
Let's begin!

There Goes My Hero

Travis Touchdown: "Wait a sec. You want me to tie up all these loose ends? I don't think so." Henry: "You're the protagonist. I'm just a cool, handsome foil who happens to be your twin brother. Hate to say it, but it's your job." -No More Heroes

For all the good the medium has done us it's often hard to deny the mainstream appearance of the visual novel as something of an artistic ghetto (especially when directly compared to its non-visual counterpart). Even a reader who attributes no value at all to prose or literary theory can't deny that, for example, the prevalence of casual sexual violence in visual novels is at the very least a bad look. At risk of belaboring the point- this isn't a Japan thing, or at least not entirely. Visual novels specifically, with so much of their artisanal and traditional roots housed in good old 1990s ecchi and dojinsoft, have evolved let's call them "adaptational features" that linger even in the genre's gelded contemporaries. Even nonsexual, "serious" VNs like sci;adv still retain things like heroine routes and adapted reputation systems from the dating sims of yore.
Horny media in general has a protagonist problem. I'm not gonna go through the mechanics of it, but if even the neanderthals in animemes have figured it out, I'm comfortable taking it as a given. Let's be honest with ourselves, this trope extends far outside the explicitly pornographic. While SAO Kirito and John NGNL aren't literally faceless, their lack of distinct identity outside of the power fantasy they're designed to conjure is plain as day. This tendency to starve protagonists of distinguishing features so that a player can more easily see themselves in them is narrative poison, as far as I'm concerned. Joel and Ellie from the Last of Us are fifty times easier to put my shoes into than Yu Narukami or Byleth, because the former two are humans that interact dynamically to their surroundings in a tangibly compelling way and the latter two are factitious wooden planks that drain the intrigue and charisma from every scene they're heavily involved in.
All this to say, the term VN protagonist is not a compliment. And the term "VN protagonist" fits Ryunosuke to a T.
I'm going to write a pretty extended breakdown of this guy over the course of two pretty damn long games, but for the sake of a hypothetical uninformed reader, I want to make it explicit that for the vast majority of his time onscreen Ryunosuke's presence is an extremely functional one. Maybe this paragraph is the only one you need to read, because to keep it a buck fifty most of the stuff Ryunosuke does is, like, seeing zany stuff and going, "What the crap!?" or being in trouble and being like "Oh jeez, this is tough!" or articulating the logic the player has already figured out. If a quip needs to be said to reset the emotional tone of a scene, more often or not it's coming out of Ryunosuke's mouth. If the case wants to remind the player of an old clue, the writing team's first instinct is to have Ryunosuke think it to himself. When the game wants to instruct to you how it wants you to feel about a character, Ryunosuke will make some remark about how he feels. This stuff is the blood and bones of storytelling, but honestly Chronicles is so much more inelegant at exposition than most other games in the series and that often hurts Ryunosuke the most. Whereas a lot of Phoenix's dialogue simultaneously serves 2 or 3 purposes, basically everything his ancestor says is uncomfortably on the nose.
Ryunosuke is himself one of the duology's primary selling points, that being his nature as the genesis of the Wright dynasty. Even as a teenager I was kinda skeptical of this premise. I was satisfied with the fact that Wright derived his legacy from Mia Fey and Miles Edgeworth- two people who, by circumstance, came to defend him when he was at his most helpless. The fact that Phoenix was a living soyjak before the grace of his defenders elucidated him to the value of protecting the weak and awakened a burning desire for truth and justice within him was really powerful to me. But I was willing to trust the plan with Ryunosuke, and I was even excited to see how this theme would be iterated on in a different environment. So you can imagine my fucking surprise when Ryunosuke is tricked into defending himself in court and spontaneously realizes that yelling Objection feels uniquely right. The game even goes out of its way to describe this feeling as animalistic, to make it even more clear that this desire within Ryunosuke is part of his inbuilt biology instead of like related to anything sentimental or any bullshit like that.
I also found his presence and banter with other characters really limp. Phoenix and Maya are a classic-style straight man funny man duo, but the dynamic is layered and lived-in. It becomes evident that while Maya is legitimately eccentric she is poignantly aware of the levity her eclectic behavior provides to Phoenix's life, and it's her way (and an effective way at that) for protecting and caring for him and the found family they establish. Phoenix's relative seriousness isn't him being a hardass, but instead comes out of the neuroticism that keeps him rooted as a rookie defense attorney throughout the first three games, which is essential to his characterization as every part of the trilogy relies upon the assumption Phoenix is not yet a fully-formed defense attorney. Chronicles reverses this dynamic, placing Susato as the by-the-books straight man, and Ryunosuke as the weirdo in their interactions together. But what this often results in is the milquetoast facets of Ryunosuke's personality being hyperaccentuated, and the two leads don't really have any chemistry. Ryunosuke does play the straight man to Sholmes, Iris, and Gregson, but none of them have an interesting back and forth. In G1 the other character does something and Ryunosuke is like "wow, that's weird!" and in G2 the other character does something and Ryunosuke is like "wow, that's weird! gotta love it, though."
If there's one thing I've seen people heap praise onto Ryunosuke for it's his "emotional journey." I don't see it. I would absolutely love to ignore it to further facilitate my point, but seeing as this is the penultimate writeup I'll make for this rankdown, I suppose it's worth some due diligence.

The Tale of Ryunosuke Naruhodo

"Men who are trapped by the chains of ‘maybe’ will never reach their dreams." -Ancient Chinese Proverb

The first two cases of the duology are honestly some of the most bizarre storytelling in the entire series in terms of the protagonist's arc. Through an insanely convoluted set of coincidences that would make the Soseki cases balk, Ryunosuke Naruhodo has the dubious honor of being the only AA MC to accidentally become a defense attorney. That doesn't bother me by itself, but it's a frankly bizarre amount of effort to establish this specific relationship between Ryunosuke and the law by the beginning of G1-3. In short: Naruhodo has demonstrable talent with the law, but he's still a fish out of water, and he's largely doing it out of devotion to his past and present friends. The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles takes about 10 hours to get to that point. Ace Attorney 1 gets there in less than fifteen minutes.
The rest of Ryunosuke's arc in the first game sidelines his devotion to Asogi to focus on how he learns to pursue the truth at any cost. Ryunosuke's first trial upon arriving in London is a tragedy, and it drives him to unceasingly chase the truth, even at the cost of his own immediate prestige and legal career. It might just be me, but this arc feels extremely unearned. Every single other protagonist in the series also doggedly pursues the truth. Perhaps more importantly, Ryunosuke never really personally struggles with finding the truth or the consequences of him doing so. He accepts blame in G1-5 for allowing injustice to happen in G1-3, but it's an empty gesture. There's just no way to read G1-3 in a way where Ryunosuke is complicit in injustice coming to pass. Like, what the hell was he supposed to do? Refuse to defend this guy because the vibes were off? The judge literally ends the trial prematurely in McGilded's favor as you stand there helplessly. Because of that, Ryunosuke accepting the blame for what happened two cases later reads a lot less like reconciling any sort of personal values and a lot more like he's just letting the system fuck him in order to save Gina. I guess he also reveals state secrets? But he just gets like a finger wagging at that lol gotta love London.
He doesn't really fare that much better in the second game either, treading water for the first few cases. Ryunosuke's exile presents a unique opportunity- to explore a declawed AA protagonist, to see how they navigate the world when they are not just separated but completely divorced from their beloved Lady Justice. The first game even opened the door for this by having a case without any trial segments and expanding the meaningful interactions that can happen during investigation. Naturally, G2 timeskips over this period straight into another case that Stronghart gives him.
G2-3 does feature what is probably Ryunosuke's most memorable moment in the driver's seat, when he chooses to go after Sithe even after he's already proven Harebrayne innocent. And I want to make it clear that this moment is absolutely phenomenal. The way the music, animation, and the puzzle-solving come together produces a moment with blinding white hot energy that makes my blood pump harder than maybe anything else in the damn game. But, again, for the purpose it plays in Ryunosuke's journey as an AA protagonist, it's pretty fucking disposable. AA has played around with the idea that there's more to finding the truth than just getting your client declared innocent since like, Turnabout Samurai day 3. And choosing to pursue Sithe isn't even Ryunosuke's idea- Sholmes has to have a mysterious moment of seriousness where he has to spell it out to Ryunosuke in advance.
A lot of ink has been spilled about how Susato essentially disappears as a character with agency after the sixth case out of ten, and that's true yeah lol. But I'd invite you to seriously consider how little Ryunosuke's decisions matter in the second game. There's just so much going on, so much to watch, so much to barely keep a lid on, that Ryunosuke ends up just standing where people tell him to stand for the length of the game. His relationship with Asogi, Sholmes, and Stronghart adds a lot of emotional weight to the final trials, but scarce little comes from what Ryunosuke actually does. Instead, it's that he happens to be there at all, vaguely doing lawyer things. Even in the final climactic sequences of the game, it often doesn't even feel like Stronghart is really fighting you, more often he's fighting Asogi, Van Zieks, or one of the other witnesses. And don't get me started on the very very end. For all that people argue Phoenix Wright takes the wind out of Apollo's sails in 4-4, at least Phoenix doesn't literally show up in the climax of the case, dance around, and personally deliver the final blow to villain.
Listen, it's not impossible to to weave a meaningful, even interesting story out of the shit that happens to Ryunosuke. But I keep finding myself wondering whether any of this shit actually has anything to do with Ryunosuke as a guy or just the inherent consequences of the circumstances he's found himself in. At all parts of Ryunosuke's arc, the writers wanted to have their cake and eat it too. The game expects you to believe that Ryunosuke has a near-divine aptitude for the law as he discovers something akin to a bloodlust for the truth in G1-1, and yet at the same time he's a reluctant entrant to the legal system who makes his decision to pursue the law in order to fulfill the legacy of a friend. Ryunosuke has to learn a vital lesson and accept blame for the truth being lost in the past in G1-5, and yet the game is too afraid of making him any rougher or less relatable to make him actually culpable of anything going wrong in the tragedy of G1-3. The game thematically positions him as the humble, foreign cure to the disease spreading in London, and yet at the same time it feels reluctant to give him any distinct value or trait that makes him successful at what he does.
Every part of Ryunosuke's journey is prescribed to him. Yujin tells him to raise his hand up in G1-1, he's forced to defend himself in G1-2, Asogi leaves behind the perfect spot for him to fill, and Stronghart assigns him to McGilded in G1-3. He's handed desperate, transparently innocent clients that are ingrained into his immediate social vicinity in G1-4, G1-5, and G2-2. In G2-3, he's handed Harebrayne's case by Stronghart, and he has his important decision dictated to him by Sholmes before the second day of trial. The finale of the game being to defend the edgelord prosecutor (who's really not so bad of a guy after all) does not do anything to dispel the feeling of going through the motions. And then he goes back to Japan.
Did he really gain anything in London? Did London really gain anything from him being there?

The End of a Hero

"The right man in the wrong place can make all the difference in the world." -Skibidi Toilet

The widespread response to Ryunosuke kinda... shocks me? Even given everything I've written, I don't think bro is like bottom 5, but I've seen people say that Ryunosuke is like one of the best characters in the game. And, like, what? I legitimately believe that Phoenix is one of the strongest characters in the OT, but Ryunosuke? Did I play the same game as everyone else?
His banter on occasion feels a little bit more lived in than Ryunosuke's, but for every remark he makes that expands the world, he'll make 3 more that recap obvious information and pad for time. He often feels like he collects points with the community simply by being around, but his presence never feels crucial. When the player is placed in Maya's sandals in 2-4, there's an extra layer of discomfort from being distanced from Phoenix's perspective that adds to Maya's anguish. When the player occupies Mia's perspective in T&T, it adds a layer of uncanniness to the proceedings that finally reaches its cartharsis in the tragic end of 3-4. But it never feels unnatural to leave Ryunosuke's perspective to do a filler case as Susato or do a set piece as Sholmes and Mikotoba. Ryunosuke's presence is never missed.
At the end of the day, I don't need a protagonist to be deep. The phrase "simple but effective" is perhaps considered blasphemy around here but the enduring power of Indiana Jones and Rocky Balboa is not lost on me. But I do need a protagonist to be something. What did they really do with Ryunosuke? He was sold as a rebirth. When I first played the games, I felt he was a rehash. Having matured in my love for the franchise, he feels like a regression.
There's a cruel, brutal pragmatist in me that has been playing the Devil's Advocate in my head the entire time I've been writing this cut. While this whole rankdown business is about separating characters and evaluating them purely as individuals, no individual part of a story exists exists without context. At the end of the day, the goal of writing a character isn't necessarily to make them the intrinsically "best" character possible, but instead to elevate and make the best possible contribution to the story they're a part of. It's an unsexy thought for sure, but there's wisdom in it. If you caught me on vacation with a beer in my hand, you might even get me to admit the following- in a story that's more about a place than it is about any one person, perhaps the most functional protagonist is one that can most efficiently witness the environment around them. After all, being an avatar for the player is perhaps the single most important role for a video game protagonist, and so it's okay for a hero to exist largely as a focal lens.
And perhaps that's true. But I'm not gonna be putting them on any of my top 10 lists.

Race Information

• Name: BMO Vancouver Marathon 2024
• Date: May 5th, 2024
• Distance: 26.2 miles
• Location: Vancouver, BC
• Website: https://bmovanmarathon.ca/
• Strava: https://www.strava.com/activities/11341057303
• Time: 3:33:31

Goals

Goal	Description	Completed?
A	Sub 3:20	No
B	Sub 3:30	No
C	PB (Sub 3:34)	Barely

Splits

Mile	Time
1	7:39
2	7:30
3	7:51
4	7:51
5	7:51
6	8:11
7	8:58
8	8:25
9	8:14
10	8:07
11	7:54
12	7:49
13	7:40
14	8:14
15	8:29
16	8:15
17	8:10
18	8:18
19	8:21
20	8:10
21	7:40
22	7:46
23	7:36
24	7:58
25	8:10
26	7:38
26.2	7:02

Training

My last marathon was Toronto back in October, where I ran 3:34 (race report here).
I mostly followed whatever Garmin's auto-suggested runs were. My goal since last summer has primarily been to improve my aerobic pace with Z2 running. Comparing my HR during runs now to last year seems to indicate I've seen a lot of improvement there, and I can feel that. Another goal of mine since my last race was to work on strength after having issues with my adductors and glute, but I don't think I quite followed through on that. For the first few months of the year I was okay about going to the gym and doing leg curls, split squats, and core work, but I kind of fell out of the habit eventually. I also went to a few strength training classes that would leave me sore for several days, but I need to do that more often to really build on it; I did feel my hamstrings were stronger from doing deadlifts and step-downs.
In some of my long runs I wore a vest and had the idea that maybe I'll carry a vest during the race this time so that I could always have hydration and even add some pomegranate juice/coconut water to a flask for easy access to carbs and electrolytes. This worked well, but I ultimately decided after the training runs that the bouncing would be too annoying, I would sweat more because of the vest, and I am pretty good about drinking lots of water outside of running.
I didn't do a lot of speed work in my training, but when I did up the intensity, I noticed I would sometimes feel some tightness on the right side of my chest, which is an issue I had in high school. At the time I was worried it was a heart issue, but I got a lot of tests done to indicate there were no issues. The issue is that I don't change up how I breathe between easy runs (long, slow breaths) and hard runs. I think I need to breathe more intensely to avoid diaphragm tightness, and more speed training will help with that.
My shoe rotation was Saucony Triumph 20s as my daily trainers, Kinvara 13s as my speed shoe, and I picked up a pair of Endorphin Speed 3s from Winners for $60 a few months ago which I've been using for speed and long runs, which complement my Endorphin Pro 3 race shoes.
My Garmin race prediction was 3:19. My personal feeling was that I could achieve that goal if it was a flat race, but I was skeptical on how I would perform on the course. I looked up other race reviews, watched a video of the race, and tried to think about how I would handle the hills, but knew that I didn't have enough experience to not have it be a factor.

Pre-race

Flight and Expo

Two Fridays before the race I did Anaerobic intervals and that was probably a mistake because my adductor was sore for over 4 days after that. I probably still felt the effects of that on race day.
I did my 5k shakeout run in my race shoes Friday morning. I had leftover pasta before leaving for the airport in the late afternoon. I flew to Vancouver on in the evening, arriving at night.
On Saturday, I went to the grocery store immediately after waking up since it was closed after we arrived the night before. The main things I got for myself that were race-relevant were gluten free quick oats, coconut water, apple and orange juice, honey, sunflower seed butter, soy milk, and a carton of cold brew coffee.
I went to the expo to get my bib before we got lunch in Gastown. We went to MeeT, and I got the Philly Cheezesteak Poutine and Oyster Mushroom Calamari which I shared with my GF. They had an issue with my friend's order so they offered him a free dessert which he was nice enough to share, so I got to have a bit of his brownie too!
After lunch I recommended everyone check out Stanley Park on their own so I could go home and rest my legs. I stopped by Nesters to pick up a GF Caulipower Pizza for dinner to have with some juice. My blood sugar spiked from the poutine at lunch, so I took some insulin to correct that, pre-emptively took insulin for the pizza I was about to have, and took a nap. After that, I put the pizza in the AirBnB's toaster oven (on top of some foil to avoid cross-contamination), but this ended up being a mistake. We discovered later in the week that the toaster oven stops working after a minute or two. When I ate my pizza I noticed it was a bit soft but figured it may have just been the texture: now I know it was likely undercooked, and I feel stupid for not realizing that.

Race Day

The start time for the marathon was 8:30am and I was in the first corral. I woke up at 5:30am and had my oatmeal (quick oats microwaved in water, a spoon of sunflower seed butter, splash of soy milk, superseed blend (chia, hemp, and toasted buckwheat groats), and honey), and a tall glass of cold brew coffee + soy milk. Shortly after waking up I realized I had an upset stomach, so naturally I started feeling stressed that I would have GI issues during the race (see comments about the pizza above). We worried that I may have accidentally ingested gluten due to my group of 7 having gluten in my vicinity, not realizing it was probably the pizza. I had to use the washroom a few times, and hoped it would pass. I had a 500ml bottle of nuun with water mixed with orange juice that I sipped on for the next hour since I saw a Ben Parker video where he did that. Thankfully I wasn't stuck in the bathroom all morning, but I was worried I would feel sick during the race.
With me I brought:

• 5 Huma gels (I don't recall if any of them were caffeinated, but it was Blueberry, Chocolate, and Mocha flavours). I had 2 left after the race.
• 2 Larabars (1 cashew cookie, 1 peanut butter chocolate chip)
• A pack of salt tabs (I'd never taken one but got a free sample at the SF marathon and wanted to have them in case I cramped up for emergency purposes)
• Insulin pump and phone (wish I didn't need to carry a pump with me but it is what it is)
• GF cookies and cream Honey Stinger waffle
• A ziploc bag with two Gravels in case of stomach issues

I was staying in Mount Pleasant and wasn't close to a SkyTrain station. It would have been a 45 minute walk to the start line, but I intended to walk to Main Street and take the 8am bus going south (I originally meant to take the 7:45 bus but my stomach problems delayed my exit). I got to the stop at 7:55, saw a bus approach a few minutes later thinking it was mine, but it said "Sorry, not in service." Oh well, I thought, it'll probably come in a minute. A few minutes pass and no bus came. A different one did that wasn't the one I needed to take. I checked the Transit app and the bus I needed to get on was showing as having already passed. I guess it was the "not in service" one? Maybe it was full? I asked some people at the bus stop who looked like they were spectators, and they were also confused. We ended up walking from there, but I jogged since I needed to get to the start line with some time to spare. During the jog I could tell that my muscles were really tight, which didn't give me a lot of confidence about how the race would do go. I still made it to the start area around 8:15. I stood in line at one of the porta-potties and did my dynamic warm-up routine while waiting. I just made it out of there at 8:28 and rushed over to the start line while gobbling down on my Honey Stinger Waffle and taking a bit of insulin since my blood sugar was already a bit high. Unfortunately, I hastily got into the start line area wherever I could, and I ended up 3 or 4 corrals after the first. I tried as hard as I could to squeeze between people as politely as possible to try and get to my corral. Unfortunately I just missed it, so I ended up being at the front of the 2nd corral, which was fine given what my final time was; I just wish I hadn't wasted energy trying to rush to the front around everyone.

Race

1-6

I started feeling pretty strong, but I also know that my HR takes some time to go up when I start my runs, so I knew I would get cocky in the beginning. My dynamic warm up helped loosen up my glutes and hips, which I was worried about when I jogged to the start line, but immediately when the run started I could feel tightness in my hamstring. Not a great sign but I tried not to focus on it and accept that it's race time so I'll just have to do my best.
I was worried about the hills going in because I didn't do a lot of hill training, and I suck at running down hills. I understand that I simultaneously shouldn't run downhill too quickly to avoid bonking later on, but I also need to use the steady downhills to make up for the time I was going to lose on the climb at Cambie. I went to my physio a few weeks before the race and told her about how I feel tightness in my knee when I run downhill; she helped make adjustments and gave me exercises to do to help my knee feel more comfortable on downhills; they definitely helped, but I still don't have the right technique for running downhill optimally in a way that doesn't cause me to waste energy slowing myself down. I was a little bit ahead of pace by the time I got to the dreaded hill.

7-13

The hill obviously sucked, but that was expected. It was stressful to go slow and have my heart rate go so high, but I tried to keep a consistent cadence going up. At the top of the hill I had a hard time bringing my HR down while maintaining a decent pace. It looks like it took me a few miles after the sharp ascent before I got back to target pace. My hamstring hurting didn't help with this.
The scenery was beautiful and hearing all the positivity around me helped keep my spirits up. After having a gel and trying to pick up the pace a bit I could feel my stomach starting to rumble, so I took one of my gravols and slowed down. I figured they take time to have effect so I wanted to take them early.
I spent a lot of the race alone, which was nice when I would pass by spectators calling my name. It was nice to hear people cheering me on and comment how I wasn't even breaking a sweat. There was a jazz band playing before we arrived at UBC which was awesome to hear.
Right before the halfway mark was a steep downhill. I tried my best to avoid speeding up too much because there was still a lot of race to go. The views of the mountains at the turn were beautiful.

14-21

I started feeling a bit discouraged because my heart rate was in the 170s even though I wasn't going too fast, but my legs were still hurting from the beginning. I read online about how the Burrard Street bridge is brutal and the part of the race where many people hit the wall, so my mind was entirely on that. I also asked my friends to be at the bridge; they already had to go downtown at 9am to see the half marathoners finish and to get one of the people staying with us to his 8k start line at 9:30am. I didn't check my phone during the race but I would see Whatsapp notifications pop up on my watch, and it gave me motivation to see that they were on the way, and also comment on how fast I was going :)
I don't think I had trouble going through the bridge, which motivated me. I also saw a notification saying "we are at the end of the bridge" so I was prepared for that. I saw my friends, gave them a high five, and picked up my pace probably a bit too much 😅
I felt strong going into Stanley Park, but read about how it could be brutal, and was nervous about my HR being in the high 170s already.

21 - Finish

I was mentally prepared for Stanley Park. I was expecting it to be completely dead, but that was not the case for the first half of the Seawall with the aid and cheer stations. The second-half was definitely quiet, but I had my Shokz on playing some music that was fitting for the scenery (Amenra and Septicflesh). It was a bit hard to pick up the pace as the course was a bit tight but I was able to do so. I saw some bloodshed though; one woman was completely covered in a foil blanket with a vested individual standing over her on his phone, one man on a bench with his arm dangling who may have been unresponsive, with some staff rushing back in his direction after I passed him, and one person who started cramping, moved to the side yelling "Fuck!" I yelled at him "You got his!" but immediately realized that maybe those weren't the right words for someone who was cramping up. Not sure what I should have said, though. I started cramping up a tiny bit, my pump was complaining that my blood sugar was dropping, and so I decided to take a gel because I figured it had some electrolytes, and it had been a half hour since my last one. In retrospect I think perhaps a salt tab would have been more useful, but I didn't want to do anything new on race day, even if I only had just over a mile left.
After we left Stanley Park, I felt fine enough to kick up the pace. I saw my friends during the finish and they got some great pictures of me. I was disappointed at how close I was to not PB'ing but at least I reached that milestone. Finishing strong had me feeling like I was holding back elsewhere during the race.

Post-race

I got my medal and felt fine walking to bag check. I picked up a banana and a bottle of the fancy bottled water on the way. I felt sad passing by the sandwiches I couldn't eat. There were also bags of chips that I feel really stupid for skipping. For some reason I scanned the bag for a GF label, but I found out a week later that the brand they had was gluten-free: the GF logo was on the top left, and for some reason I didn't check there.
I passed by a change tent on the way, so I went back there after getting my bag. I put on my hoodie, while bending down to take off my shoes my right adductor started cramping very intensely. I asked someone who was sitting close to me if I could steal their chair and I sat down. I text my friends letting them know I'm in the tent but had a crazy cramp and so was going to take some time to get up. I munched on the banana I had and took a salt cap that I thankfully still had on me. It felt like it took forever but it was probably only 10 minutes until I was able to stand up and lean against a table again to continue putting on my joggers and sandals. It was raining lightly, which was a bit annoying since I was wearing socks with sandals, but it wasn't too heavy. I met up with my friends, got some pictures, and we headed out.
Unfortunately, one of my friends in the group was made aware on Little Red Book that the Lululemon stores downtown had a deal for that day only to get 20% off our purchase if you show your medal/bib. We ended up going to Lululemon 3 times because I'm bad at saying no, so it took a while to get home. We did go to Nuba in Yaletown for lunch which was really good. That night we went to East is East for dinner, which was nice, though in hindsight I should have realized that the loud music made it not the best choice when what I wanted was to feel relaxed and cozy.
We stayed in Vancouver for an extra week and we flew back on the 12th. It was a wonderful stay and I felt depressed coming back. I wish I could have gone on more hikes and even gone trail running through all the beautiful trails in the area.

Retrospective

• I think I ran too conservatively because I was worried about stomach issues (valid given the morning). I needed more electrolytes, though. Overall the race felt easier than Toronto, so it was frustrating that I didn't get a bit closer to my goal time.
• I also wonder how I would have performed if I ran slower in the first half. I know that's the recommendation, but part of me felt like slowing down on some of the downhills would have required me to adjust my form and engage muscles in a way that could have wasted energy. Something to consider for next time, though.
• I wore half tights this time as I had issues with my shorts falling down too much in Toronto. Surprisingly I had that issue this time too! I guess it's a combination of my race belt weighing my shorts down (maybe I should wear it higher?), the weight of Larabars, phone, and pump in my shorts weighing them down (I'm pretty sure I trained like this though), and me losing over 7 lbs in training that caused this. Not sure what I'll do for the next race beyond do more practice in race gear to see what adjustments I need to make.
• I feel like I didn't do a lot of speed work this time around, and any time I did anaerobic runs my adductor would be very sore, so I need to improve my strength there and really build up my speed again. I also need to focus on how I breathe when working hard instead of worrying about breathing in through my mouth too much. My watch would cancel out speed workouts often times because of my lack of sleep and because of my bike commutes and volleyball sessions, so I need to start planning out my own workouts instead of being too much of a slave to my watch's suggestions.
• I'll stop using Kinvara 13s as speed shoes; I'll wear them for some easy runs maybe, or even transition them to daily walkers/gym shoes. I have the Endorphin Speed 3s for speed work now. I also got a pair of Kinvara 14s from Winners for about $50, and the increased cushioning in them might be less likely to cause excessive soreness after doing fast intervals.
• I liked eating Larabars for energy. I am considering continuing with that and also perhaps making my own gels (mostly maple syrup, ginger, salt, and lemon juice is what I'm thinking, perhaps with some chia seeds or subbing for honey) to bring in reusable containers to reduce waste, perhaps be more appealing to consume even without water, and produce less waste/stickiness. Gels also get pricey, it's annoying that Huma's + gels with electrolytes aren't available locally here, and I figure less refined sources of energy would be better than processed foods.
• I want to do dedicated hill and/or trail workouts; I should set time for myself to bike to an area close by to do those as they are fun and will definitely improve my fitness
• There are a few places in Toronto that do Hot/Cold therapy (Othership and Alter) I've been meaning to check out for almost a year. I need to stop being lazy and shy about it and just go because I think it's something I'll like, although I would probably only go once a month considering how much it costs.
• After my last marathon I felt regret that my legs were sore before the race. I tried to fix that this time but wasn't successful. I guess walking to/from work on Friday, then walking with my luggage to the train station and then walking a lot in the airport to get to the gate contributed to that. I went to the expo the next day intending not to spend too much time there, but I was with a group and the people I was with wanted to spend time at a lot of the tables so I ended up on my feet for longer than I probably should have been. I should probably also review the training I do on the last week and maybe consider not even walking to work or biking around town for errands to try and conserve myself more.
• My sleep habits are shit. I watched the Running Channel's recent video on recovering after the London Marathon and Sarah's watch showed that she would casually get over 8 hours and have a sleep score of 90, which is unimaginable to me 😭. I need to change that and intend to do so immediately.
• On the one hand I should prioritize getting to the start line earlier, but I also want to leave as late as possible to avoid having to depend on a crowded port-a-potty. I think this would not have been an issue if my stomach wasn't upset that morning.
• I want to get a running form analysis done. There are a lot of places around me that offer that service and I can get it partially covered under my physio benefits through work.

Looking Forward

I definitely feel like I can PB by a significant margin if I have more discipline in my training, sleep better, and avoid the race day issues I faced. I am still deciding where to do a Fall marathon though. I am trying to weight between what would be a fun race, what would be a good place to travel to and stay for some time after the race, and what would not be too tough of a course. I'm considering the following so far:

• Loch Ness Marathon
  • + I've seen it recommended here a lot, and the Scottish Highlands look beautiful.
  • + Traveling to Europe is nice because it's easy to travel elsewhere on the continent if I do an extended stay before heading back
  • - International travel could make it harder to have an ideal race day, and reading race reports make me nervous about how I may have to take an early bus and stand around the start line for a long time
  • - I'm not sure how good public transit in the area would be since it's rural compared to big cities. I don't like driving if I don't have to and I don't like to use taxis or rideshare
• St George, UT
  • + Downhill marathon, although I think I would prefer a flat marathon as that seems like it would be technically easier unless the decline was light.
  • + I want to explore the southwest canyons as I've never been and it would be fun to explore the hikes in the area afterwards assuming recovery isn't a problem
  • - Presumably no shade since it's down a canyon
  • - Would need a car to get everywhere. Traveling to this area would be for doing a lot of active things but if I give it my all during a marathon it could feel like an incomplete experience.
• Malaga Marathon
  • + Popular flat marathon
  • + Love Spain, but didn't visit Malaga when I went last year. Lots of gluten free food in the area
  • + It's in December, which gives me a lot of time to train and knock out some half marathons in the meantime
  • - I suck at traveling to places where I don't speak the language due to social anxiety. This could be a good way to help get over that and work on it, though.
  • - It being late means it could be a good candidate for a backup marathon in case a primary marathon doesn't go well for whatever reason
• Victoria, BC
  • + BC is beautiful. I wouldn't have to worry about language barriers, and this is a place I would be down to stay for some time after the race.
  • + The race is well-rated for beauty
  • - While not too difficult, the race has a lot of rolling hills, so it will be mildly technical the whole way through
  • - Maybe too similar to Vancouver? Should I prioritize traveling somewhere else instead of doing another week-long BC trip?

Upcoming local races I'm signed up for are a 10k in June by the waterfront, and a 10k in September on the Toronto Island. I would like to see how close I can get to 40 minutes if I wore my Endorphin Speed 3s. I'm hoping to pick training back up this week, but not ramp up too quickly.
I also want to sign up for trail races because trail running is fun. It's unfortunate how it's hard to participate without relying on a car, though.
I may do the Presidio Half Marathon in San Francisco at the end of June; I was offered free registration so long as I record and upload the race as I did for the San Francisco Marathon; it looks like flights to the area area bit pricey at this time though, so even if I stay with a friend it might be a bit too much right now.
Made with a new race report generator created by herumph.

First off, let's address the elephant in the room. What in tarnation is going on with the price of silver!??!? :O
Okay now that that's out of the way ... Where all my David the Gnome fans at? Tonight I'm dropping a new PROTOTYPE pour ... It's .999 Fine Silver, but it's unmarked so it will be shipping with a signed Certificate of Authenticity to whoever buys it! I'm gauging interest to see if I should do more Gnome themed pours, so if you're a fan of the gnomes LET ME KNOW!
Header Image : https://imgur.com/w85IsyX
Proof Gallery : https://imgur.com/a/lBPRKMV

::: DAVID THE GNOME :::

GALLERY ::: I was strolling the aisles at my local Goodwill recently and found this adorable little "David the Gnome" looking garden gnome statue. I had to have him, so I snapped him up, brought him home, and made a miniature of him out of pure silver! This little guy weighs over 2+ troy ounces of .999 Fine Silver. He is not hallmarked or purity stamped in any way, but he IS pure silver, and will come with a signed PROTOTYPE (Serial number 0) Certificate of Authenticity. Only ONE available!!! Asking $100.00 for him! SOLD!

::: ZELDA POURS :::

GALLERY : https://imgur.com/a/Qy56kXQ
HYLIAN SHIELD ::: These weigh 2+ Troy Ounces and are hand poured. These STACK, too! ::: $80.00 each
DEKU SHIELD ::: These weigh 2+ Troy Ounces and are hand poured. ::: $80.00 each
MIRROR SHIELD ::: These weigh 2+ Troy Ounces and are hand poured. ::: $80.00 each
MAJORA'S MASK - BACK ::: Weighing in just over 3+ozt of pure silver, this is a chunky, and SPIKY, pour! A truly unique piece for your collection at $135.00!
SHEIKAH SLATE ::: For some stupid reason I neglected to take pictures of the back of these fully dimensional and highly accurate slates! These make GREAT keyfobs, too! These weigh 2+ Troy Ounces and are hand poured. ::: $80.00 each
LOGO CARD PROTECTOR ::: (Apologies for the terrible picture ... I need to take a better one!) Here's a BEEFY 2ozt+ CARD PROTECTOR (for you poker players!) featuring the Sheikah Sigil on one side, and the famous Z logo on the other! Asking just $80.00 each
MASTER SWORD ::: These weigh 2+ Troy Ounces and are hand poured. Epic! ::: $100.00 each
ZELDA NES Carts - ZELDA N64 Carts - ZELDA GAMEBOY Carts ::: 2+ Troy Ounces, HIGHLY detailed, and with the LABEL OF YOUR CHOICE! ::: $80.00 each w/FREE GOLD PLATING as needed!
RUPEES ::: Fantastic little RUPEES made of pure .999 Fine Silver! Each weighs 1+t.oz and are all made by hand! They are just $40.00 each!
MASTER COMBO ::: Includes a Master Sword and a Hylian Shield, along with the display base, for just $180.00
SAVIOR OF HYRULE COMBO - Alternate Pic ::: Includes one of my .999 Fine Silver Master Swords and one Shield of your choosing, as well as a GOLD PLATED NES/SNES/N64 Zelda Cart of your choosing and ONE Rupee (I know two are shown... sigh) ... That's SEVEN+ total Troy ounces of .999 Fine Silver and includes the stand for display! Each Savior of Hyrule Combo can be yours for just $300.00!

::: PURE SILVER TRADING CARDS :::

Pokemon - FIRST EDITION CHARIZARD : VIDEO ::: 4.6+ Troy Ounces of .999 Fine Silver, full scale and absolutely BEAUTIFUL. Each card ships with a Serial Numbered Certificate of Authenticity! $275.00 each

::: WILDLIFE ART STATUES :::

SILVER PANTHER STATUE - BACK - ANGLE - IN HAND ::: This is the first in a line of new pours. It weighs a little over 5+ ozt of .999 Fine Silver and has been blackened and antiqued for an incredible look! These are $250.00 each!

::: ARTIFACTS :::

BIG MEGALODON TOOTH ::: Beautifully antiqued and exquisitely detailed! This .999 FINE SILVER tooth weighs over 100 grams (over 3 troy ounces) and is definitely a conversation starter! ::: $150.00 each
THE DERRINGER ::: One of my all time FAVORITE pours - this 1:1 scale Derringer was modeled off a REAL period piece and is actual size! Made of solid .999 Fine Silver, this beefy piece weighs in at over 7.5 t.oz of solid girth! A difficult piece to make, but worth it! ::: $325.00 per pew pew!

::: THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY :::

GALLERY : https://imgur.com/fM58Lam
THE GUIDE ::: This great 2 ozt .999 Fine Silver pour was entirely designed and modelled by me based on the original book description. I figured it would look great with a slipcase, as well, so I made that too. I then hand paint the letters in gold and then buff the slipcase to give it a slightly weathered appearance. This was VERY fun to design! $85.00 each!
THUMBS UP ::: If you don't have an electronic thumb this is the next best thing! When you see the Vogon Constructor Fleet just hold this up in the air and hope you get picked up ... don't forget your towel, though! This 2ozt pour is $85.00 each!

::: FUTURAMA :::

GALLERY : https://imgur.com/xkbEvSw
BENDER - ALT ... Featuring a biteable shiny metal ass, a beer in one hand, and a cigar in the other, you can't go wrong with this great pour! Also includes a 3D printed resin base and is only $100 each!
SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY - VIDEO pour. This is a ONE ozt. pour and is a GREAT pocket carry or card protector! $45.00 each!
I WILL WAIT FOR YOU ::: This is one of the saddest scenes in television history and I STILL cry thinking about it. Seymour Asses, Fry's eternally loyal and faithful dog, who never gave up hope that his master would one day return for him ... I'm not crying YOU'RE crying. Just $45.00 each.
SLURM STACKERS ::: These great 2+ozt stackers interlock VERY well and are a truly unique addition to anyone's stack! $85.00 each!

::: FALLOUT POURS :::

GALLERY : https://imgur.com/RzQPlpq
VAULT 111 DOOR - BACK ::: Weighing in at 2+ troy ounces of .999 Fine Silver, this is a great and BEEFY little pocket carry! It was 100% modelled by me and these things look great stacked ::: Asking $85.00!
PIP-BOY - BACK - The 5t.oz and the 2t.oz PIP-BOY ::: Available in TWO SIZES - Either a 5+t.oz or a 2+t.oz this is one of my coolest pours ever. I really had fun making this work and I hope you enjoy owning it as much as I enjoy making it! 5+t.oz Pip-Boy is $250.00 each and 2+t.oz Pip-Boy is $85.00!
NUKA CAP STACKERS - BACK - STACKED ::: One of my most popular pours!!! These 2+t.oz .999 Fine Stackers are $85.00!
v2 PLATINUM CHIP - BACK ::: Made in .999 Fine SILVER (not platinum!) this is a GREAT little 1+t.oz coin for ANY fans of the franchise! These are solid antiqued to make them seem like they've been through some stuff! I've UPDATED the design to include a purity mark as well as a weight ... plus I emboldened the lines a bit to make it pop! Just $45.00!
NUKA COLA BOTTLE - BACK ::: Another popular request ... this thicc boi 2+ozt. pour came out surprisingly well! Yours for $85.00!
THIRST ZAPPER - BACK ::: I had a lot of fun modelling this! I'm not normally a fan of organic shapes but I took this as an opportunity to work on my Fusion360 organics skills. This was entirely modelled by me - I'm quite happy with it!!! :) Weighing in at 2+ozt - yours for $85.00!
VAULT BOY STACKERS - ALT ::: This is a GREAT stackable Vault Boy pocket carry! Weighing in at 2+ozt. pour each in .999 Fine Silver and only $85.00!
ROULETTE CHIP - BACK ::: HIGHLY requested, so here you go! Covered with tons of little details - from the morse code on both sides, to the little ball, and then some ... this epic 2+ozt pour is done in .999 FINE SILVER and ships in an Airtite for display! Asking just $100.00!

::: ALIENS :::

GALLERY : https://imgur.com/Gys9As6
XENOMORPH HEADS - ALT - ALT - ALT ::: They mostly come at night ... mostly ... These gorgeous and creeeepy Aliens pours are 2+ozt each of PURE .999 Fine Silver! Each is then antiqued by hand and are presented to you for $85.00 each
BUGSTOMPER (The Dropship) ROUND - BACK - PIC FROM MOVIE ::: Move it Spunkmeyer, we're rolling! Famous last words, but if you want one of the coolest pocket carries around and you know your trivia this round can't be beat! 2+ozt. of .999 Fine Silver ::: $85.00 each
M41A Plasma Rifle - LEFT - TOP - BOTTOM ::: Let me introduce you to a personal friend of mine! This is an M41A Pulse Rifle. 10mm with an over and under 30mm pump action grenade launcher. Feel the weight ... It is 2+ozt. of Antiqued .999 Fine Silver! Just $90.00!

::: THE BIG N :::

GALLERY : https://imgur.com/LbXee8q
NES CONTROLLER :: This is a GREAT little pocket carry! It weighs 2+ troy ounces and is $85.00 each
N64 CONTROLLER :: This is a GREAT little pocket carry! It weighs 2+ troy ounces and is $85.00 each
NES Carts ::: 2+ Troy Ounces, HIGHLY detailed, and with the LABEL OF YOUR CHOICE! ::: $85.00 each (add $5 for gold plating)
N64 Carts ::: 2+ Troy Ounces, HIGHLY detailed, and with the LABEL OF YOUR CHOICE! ::: $85.00 each (add $5 for gold plating)
GAMEBOY Carts ::: 2+ Troy Ounces, HIGHLY detailed, and with the LABEL OF YOUR CHOICE! ::: $85.00 each (add $5 for gold plating)

::: POCKET CARRIES and PANTHER SPECIALTIES :::

GALLERY : https://imgur.com/Z9IeBNm
FUCK YOU PAY ME ::: The ORIGINAL FYPM pocket carry from Glass Panther! Weighing 1 troy ounce this is perfect for making decisions, or helping other people make the right decision! $45.00 each
POT LEAF ::: These are GREAT and everybody loves them! Two troy ounces of beefy .999 Fine Silver and these make an absolutely GREAT gift! These are $85.00 each
DICKBUTT - BACK ::: Back for a limited time? Who knows ... This great pour is 2+ troy ounces and is only $85.00
ANVILS ::: These are quickly becoming crowd favorites ... Shown here in TWO and TEN ounce versions ... They are BIG, BEEFY, and truly impressive. The 2+t.oz version is priced at $90.00 each and the 10+t.oz version is $400.00
THE PANTHER PIZZA - Gallery ::: 2 Troy Ounces of .999 Fine Silver that has been poured and designed in such a way as to make it possible to break it into individual 1/4 ounce slices! The full pie measures 55mm wide (a little over 2 inches) and is juuuust over 2 troy ounces. PIC - VIDEO of me Breaking One Apart ::: Each pie comes in a 55mm Airtite capsule! ::: These are $100.00 each

::: THE ORIGINAL CHESS SET! :::

GALLERY : https://imgur.com/Z9IeBNm
FULL GAME SET w/BLACKENED or GOLD PLATED Set ::: Includes All Pieces Needed to Play as well as a Chessboard to play upon! Over 26 Troy Ounces of .999 Fine Silver : $1,300.00
A La Carte Pieces :
The KING or QUEEN : Over 1.5 Troy Ounces of .999 Fine Silver : $100.00 each
The BISHOP, KNIGHT, or ROOK : Over 1 Troy Ounces of .999 Fine Silver : $60.00 each
The PAWN : Over 0.5 Troy Ounces of .999 Fine Silver : $45.00 each
ONE OF EACH Set ( A King, Queen, Bishop, Rook, Knight, and Pawn ) : Over 6.5 Troy Ounces of .999 Fine Silver : $400.00 each

PAYMENT / SHIPPING

USA SHIPPING IS FREEEEEEE!!!
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I take ZELLE / VENMO & CASHAPP ... and BULLION TRADE ... but Zelle is strongly preferred
Posted at 5:16pm Arizona time, 5-17-24

So. I've watched these two videos by a Youtuber named Courtney Ryan. Here is a link if you want to check it out.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lkh1q4glwUE&list=PLYCPeST-lihXNLK_U74pAjp7tE_6CMOy2&index=31
In each she has a panel of women. She gives them two guys and asks which guy they would rather date or marry.
I chose a few of my favorites and I'll list them. I was gonna ask women which they'd choose. But I wanted to mix it up a bit. So, men assume the woman is your sister, or cousin, or a female friend. She's a woman who trusts you and values your opinion. She's asking your advice on which guy to choose.
In each case, assume the two men are exactly the same in every other way.

1. A husband who makes 200k and cheats on her once or twice during their life together OR A husband that makes 40k and never cheats.
   
2. Is a 3 in looks but has boat and ocean front condo OR is a 10 in looks and lives with his parents.
   
3. A husband who makes 60k a year OR a sugar daddy who gives her 15k a month.
   
4. A 4 in looks but pays for everything so she never has to work. OR a 10 in looks but she is the breadwinner.
   
5. Husband who makes 200k a year but is very busy. He doesn't have much free time to spend with her or the kids. OR A husband who makes 50k and has lots of free time to spend with her and the kids. He never misses anything like school events or special days.
   

EDIT: Let's do some that aren't related to money or cheating.

1. A guy who is funny, has great personality, and is usually the life of the party anywhere he goes but he's terrible in bed and has a very small penis. OR a guy who is dull, boring, and rarely likes to leave the house but the sex is amazing.
   
2. A guy who has had casual sex with more than 20 women but never had a girlfriend. OR a guy who has had several girlfriends (whatever is a normal number for her age) but is a virgin.
   
3. A guy who gets along with her friends but not her family. OR a guy who gets along with her family but not her friends.
   

Kiddo is a week old. Atleast once a day, we have either pee / poop leak and soil him and his clothes. My husband and I have both tried but it has leaked regardless of who did it so we are likely making the same mistake. We endure his penis is pointing down, and the ruffles at the legs are out.
We've watched videos and how to diaper and I don't see what we are missing.
We've both pampers and huggies in the new born size. He is 8lb6oz , so it should fit him. Should we try the premie size? Any idea what could be wrong?

Hello friends,
I'm sorry to say this so bluntly, but you have all fallen for a massive scam.
It all started on the subreddit dedicated to honoring Roaring Kitty, the person responsible for the big GameStop stock movement in 2021.
Kitty became very active again this week and began dropping hints in his new videos.
However, it seems these hints were deliberately misunderstood to lure you all into investing in FFIE. A significant hype was created with claims that you needed to hold a price until Monday to make more money, and other unsubstantiated claims were thrown around. This hype was further fueled by bots to give you the impression that there must be something to it.
Friday came, and just before the market closed, the architects of this scam struck and cashed in big time. They made huge profits, the stock price fell, and most of those who believed in the scam were left with losses.
And all of this happened because no one really researched or questioned things anymore.
It was firmly claimed that this hype was triggered by Roaring Kitty - but that's not true. If you watch Kitty's videos, they clearly point towards GameStop. He never even hinted at FFIE.
It seems likely that the admins of the fan subreddit dedicated to Kitty were also involved. It's quite a coincidence that just before the "collapse," the mods set the subreddit to private, taking away your means of communication.
You were meant to pump money into it until market close so that the architects of this plan could keep milking you. You fell for the classic pump and dump scheme (look it up, it's a real thing).
Now, focus your attention back on Kitty, who didn't deceive us in 2021 and is more active than ever.

I know the video is absurd to begin with but hear me out. Its titled "Women rank men by 🍆 size". So this guy named Chai shared a story about how while giving his grandpa CPR in the toilet he accidentally saw his penis. This story was met with complete silence and awkwardness and I later found out in the comments that Chai is autistic.
I did not ever feel that that the story was awkward, and actually ironically found it funny because it was so random. What do you guys think?