Hi everyone! I thought i might put some tips that i personally find helpful and that i've used in my own shifting journey. I divided it into a few categories so you don't have to read everything if you don't want to lol. This is all that i could think of rn, hopefully it'll be useful to somebody! (Sorry if something is phrased in a weird way, english is not my first language 😅 Also remember you don't need any specific thing to shift, so just take whatever resonates with you! <3)
Dettach from your cconnect to your DR: 1.create a playlist of songs that remind you of your DR and listen to it. 2.dance! If your dr self likes to party or dancing, take some time, even if just 10 minutes a day, and dance, feel like you're having a good time in that dr while dancing! 3.think about your past in your DR! Imagine scenarios that could've perfectly happened to your dr self in the past and connect with that feelings. 4.when doing any of the activities i mentioned above, close your eyes for some seconds and imagine you are already there, then open your eyes keeping that feeling of already being there to the point you are dancing/listening to music/whatever and not giving a damn about the fact of seeing your cr surrounding you, feel how what you're looking at doesn't matter at all anymore.
If you're using LOA: •try to keep the feeling of what i mentioned above (tip #4) during as much of the day as you can, and if you find yourself with some intrusive thoughts like "so when is my cr gonna change?" Affirm to yourself "nevermind, i already shifted despite the intrusive thoughts" and keep going with your life like it was just a tiny stumble. •try meditation! And not thinking that it'll help you shift (since you're using LOA you already know you shifted so why would you do something to shift if you already did?), but from a perspective that your dr self wants to meditate, so just why not do it? •robotic affirm that you're already in your dr just as a gentle reminder. •when going to sleep, think what you're going to be doing tomorrow like if it's just another day (Thinking as your dr self, what are you gonna do once you wake up in your dr tomorrow?) •even if the days go by and you're still seeing your cr, it doesn't matter, just persist on it, if you think of your dr as a painting and your cr as a cloth, then a mere cloth can't stop you from seeing the painting behind it!
If you're insecure about your progress or you're one to have intrusive thoughts: •just affirm that it doesn't matter what you think, feel or see, you're shifting anyway. •smile or even laugh a little when you're having a negative thought while saying to yourself something like "oh come on, that's not true! I'm shifting anyway" (yes, fake that you're amused cause you had a silly thought that won't stop you from shifting. Your brain doesn't know how to differentiate when you're smiling for real or faking it, so it'll take it like you're actually amused) •remember everyone can shift, you're not an exception to the rule, persisting is the key, so just don't give up, you can and you will do it! •don't compare your journey with other shifters, some people shift at the first try, some people shift after many years, don't give much thought to it or it'll stop you and demotivate you. When you're having those thoughts try thinking instead that if you keep insisting you'll find yourself any day, any second, in your dr, living that life you wanted to live!
If you're into affirmations: •try saying affirmations from a place of already having it. Switch stuff like "i will shift" to "i already shifted", or if you don't feel like affirming from a perspective of already having it, then be more specific about when you're shifting, don't give your brain the freedom to decide when you'll shift, instead be like "i am shifting tonight" or "i am shifting right now". •add a subliminal to your routine, just pick one that you feel will work for you, loop it and listen to it when sleeping. (If you pick many your subconscious will take longer to catch up to the affirmations)
If you struggle focusing: •record an audio of you saying one or two affirmations about you shifting, maybe something like "i'll wake up in ___(name of your dr) at any second" or "i am already in ____" and listen to that audio on loop for at least 10 minutes a day (the more you listen the faster your consciousness takes the affirmations as a fact. Also the less amount of affirmations you listen to, the faster it'll work) •fall asleep wether with that audio of your affirmations or with a subliminal. •if you struggle focusing but you prefer doing actual methods, then as soon as you realize your brain is wandering somewhere else, just go back to affirm or visualize like nothing happened, don't get stuck thinking you won't shift since you're not concentrated. It's okay for your mind to not be 100% focused on just one thing, so just let the random thoughts slip away as relaxed as possible.
If you can't decide where to shift, which face claim you want, etc: •Shift to a Waiting Room. Literally, that's it, shift to a WR where you can take all the time you want deciding what you wanna do and where you wanna go. Script that you can shapeshift to whatever face claim you wanna try on so you can decide if you feel comfortable with it or not. •if you are one to script, since for some it's easier to shift to a reality exactly like this one but with slight changes, try shifting to a reality that it's exactly like this one but that your scripts have a button that if you press it, it'll shift you automatically to that dr.
Random yet useful things to script: •if you buy online, whatever you buy appears in your house at the second you buy it (you can add that at $0) •if you're online shopping for clothes, the model that appears with the outfits it's actually you (so you can already see how you'd look with that 😉) •there are no mosquitos. •there are no spiders or insects in your house. •you like your job/studying. •you like waking up early and always wake up with energy. •you don't struggle with insomnia. •you're good at socializing and know how to keep a conversation going. •people from your dr are exactly how you idealize them (we don't wanna shift to a dr where people are totally different to how we pictured them to be, right?) •you and your dear ones will never have an accident/die/get badly injured/get harassed or kidnapped. •you're good at problem solving. •even the idea of cheating is disgusting to your s/o and they'd never harm you in any way (unless you like some drama xd) •your house/room is always clean, it cleans by itself. •you never get sick of anything (from small things like a flue to severe things like cancer). •if you're a woman in your dr, you can't get pregnant unless you want to/you don't have cramps/you don't menstruate.

i downloaded chat RTX successfully , but it wont run , I get the error of
httpx.ConnectError: [SSL: CERTIFICATE_VERIFY_FAILED] certificate verify failed: unable to get local issuer certificate (_ssl.c:1007)
and here what does it look like in the web:
and here what look like in app cmd

This site can’t be reached

127.0.0.1 refused to connect.
Try:

• Checking the connection
• [Checking the proxy and the firewall](chrome-error://chromewebdata/#buttons)

ERR_CONNECTION_REFUSEDReloadHide detailsCheck your Internet connectionCheck any cables and reboot any routers, modems, or other network devices you may be using.Allow Chrome to access the network in your firewall or antivirus settings.If it is already listed as a program allowed to access the network, try removing it from the list and adding it again.If you use a proxy server…Check your proxy settings or contact your network administrator to make sure the proxy server is working. If you don't believe you should be using a proxy server: Go to the Chrome menu > Settings > Show advanced settings… > Change proxy settings… > LAN Settings and deselect "Use a proxy server for your LAN".This site can’t be reached
127.0.0.1 refused to connect.
Try:

• Checking the connection
• [Checking the proxy and the firewall](chrome-error://chromewebdata/#buttons)

hope someone can help, Thanks
Environment path found: C:\Users\User\AppData\Local\NVIDIA\ChatRTX\env_nvd_rag
Privileges of original process: ['SeShutdownPrivilege', 'SeChangeNotifyPrivilege', 'SeUndockPrivilege', 'SeIncreaseWorkingSetPrivilege', 'SeTimeZonePrivilege']
Privileges of restricted app token: ['SeChangeNotifyPrivilege']
Process Id = 17940
Environment path found: C:\Users\User\AppData\Local\NVIDIA\ChatRTX\env_nvd_rag
App running with config
{
"models": {
"supported": [
{
"name": "Mistral 7B int4",
"id": "mistral_model",
"ngc_model_name": "nvidia/llama/mistral-7b-int4-chat:1.2",
"is_downloaded_required": true,
"downloaded": true,
"is_installation_required": true,
"setup_finished": true,
"min_gpu_memory": 8,
"should_show_in_UI": true,
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"temperature": 0.1,
"prompt_template": "Default"
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"model_info": "The Mistral-7B is a instruct fine-tuned text generation model License ",
"model_license": " License ",
"model_size": "4GB"
},
{
"name": "Llama2 13B int4",
"id": "llaam2_model",
"ngc_model_name": "nvidia/llama/llama2-13b:1.5",
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"metadata": {
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"temperature": 0.1,
"prompt_template": "Default"
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"model_info": "LlaMa 2 is a large language AI model capable of generating text and code in response to prompts License ",
"model_license": " License ",
"model_size": "6.8GB"
},
{
"name": "ChatGLM 3 6B int4 (Supports Chinese)",
"id": "chatglm3_model",
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"model": "tokenizer.model",
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"engine_build_command": "trtllm-build --checkpoint_dir %checkpoints_local_dir% --output_dir %engine_dir% --gemm_plugin float16 --max_batch_size 1 --max_input_len 7168 --max_output_len 1024",
"engine_dir": "engine"
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"metadata": {
"engine": "rank0.engine",
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"temperature": 0.1
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"model_info": "ChatGLM-6B is an open bilingual language model based on General Language Model framework, with 6.2 billion parameters License ",
"model_license": " License ",
"model_size": "3.8GB"
},
{
"name": "Gemma 7B int4",
"id": "Gemma_model",
"ngc_model_name": "nvidia/llama/gemma-7b-int4-rtx:1.1",
"is_downloaded_required": true,
"downloaded": false,
"is_installation_required": true,
"setup_finished": false,
"min_gpu_memory": 16,
"should_show_in_UI": false,
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"config.json",
"rank0.safetensors",
"Prohibited_use_policy.txt",
"license.txt",
"Notice.txt"
],
"tokenizer_ngc_dir": "Gemma7b_hf_tokenizer",
"tokenizer_files": {
"vocab_file": "tmp_vocab.model"
},
"checkpoints_local_dir": "model_checkpoints",
"vocab_local_dir": "tokenizer",
"engine_build_command": "trtllm-build --checkpoint_dir %checkpoints_local_dir% --gemm_plugin float16 --gpt_attention_plugin float16 --max_batch_size 1 --max_input_len 4096 --max_output_len 1024 --output_dir %engine_dir%",
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"metadata": {
"engine": "rank0.engine",
"max_new_tokens": 1024,
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"temperature": 0.1
},
"model_info": "Gemma-7B is a 7B parameter model from Gemma family of models from Google License ",
"model_license": " License ",
"model_size": "6.6GB"
},
{
"name": "CLIP",
"id": "clip_model",
"hf_model_name": "openai/clip-vit-large-patch14-336",
"is_downloaded_required": true,
"downloaded": false,
"download_link": "https ://huggingface.co/openai/clip-vit-large-patch14-336/resolve/main",
"is_installation_required": false,
"setup_finished": false,
"min_gpu_memory": 8,
"should_show_in_UI": true,
"prerequisite": {
"checkpoints_files": [
"README.md",
"config.json",
"merges.txt",
"preprocessor_config.json",
"pytorch_model.bin",
"special_tokens_map.json",
"tokenizer.json",
"tokenizer_config.json",
"vocab.json"
],
"checkpoints_local_dir": "clip_model"
},
"metadata": {},
"model_info": "CLIP is a multi-modal vision and language model used for image-text similarity and for zero-shot image classification License ",
"model_license": " License ",
"model_size": "1.5GB"
}
],
"selected": "Mistral 7B int4",
"enable_asr": true,
"supported_asr": [
{
"name": "Whisper Medium Int8",
"installed": true,
"metadata": {
"encoder_engine": "whisper_encoder_float16_tp1_rank0.engine",
"decoder_engine": "whisper_decoder_float16_tp1_rank0.engine",
"model_path": "model\\whisper\\whisper_medium_int8_engine",
"assets_path": "model\\whisper\\whisper_assets"
}
}
]
},
"sample_questions": [
{
"query": "How does NVIDIA ACE generate emotional responses?"
},
{
"query": "What is Portal prelude RTX?"
},
{
"query": "What is important about Half Life 2 RTX?"
},
{
"query": "When is the launch date for Ratchet & Clank: Rift Apart on PC?"
}
],
"sample_questions_chinese": [
{
"query": "NVIDIA ACE是如何生成富有情感的回复的？"
},
{
"query": "传送门：序曲是什么？"
},
{
"query": "半条命 2 RTX版有什么重要意义？"
},
{
"query": "瑞奇与叮当：时空跳转何时会在PC平台发布？"
}
],
"sample_questions_clip": [
{
"query": "Pictures of bicycles"
},
{
"query": "Pictures of toys"
},
{
"query": "Pictures of dinosaurs"
},
{
"query": "Pictures of computer"
}
],
"dataset": {
"sources": [
"directory",
"nodataset"
],
"selected": "directory",
"path": "dataset",
"path_chinese": "chinese_dataset",
"path_clip": "images_dataset",
"isRelative": true
},
"strings": {
"directory": "Folder Path",
"nodataset": "AI model default"
}
}
[TensorRT-LLM] TensorRT-LLM version: 0.9.0
Privileges of app process: ['SeChangeNotifyPrivilege']
C:\Users\User\AppData\Local\NVIDIA\ChatRTX\env_nvd_rag\lib\site-packages\langchain\chat_models\__init__.py:31: LangChainDeprecationWarning: Importing chat models from langchain is deprecated. Importing from langchain will no longer be supported as of langchain==0.2.0. Please import from langchain-community instead:
`from langchain_community.chat_models import ChatAnyscale`.
To install langchain-community run `pip install -U langchain-community`.
warnings.warn(
C:\Users\User\AppData\Local\NVIDIA\ChatRTX\env_nvd_rag\lib\site-packages\langchain\chat_models\__init__.py:31: LangChainDeprecationWarning: Importing chat models from langchain is deprecated. Importing from langchain will no longer be supported as of langchain==0.2.0. Please import from langchain-community instead:
`from langchain_community.chat_models import ChatOpenAI`.
To install langchain-community run `pip install -U langchain-community`.
warnings.warn(
C:\Users\User\AppData\Local\NVIDIA\ChatRTX\env_nvd_rag\lib\site-packages\langchain\embeddings\__init__.py:29: LangChainDeprecationWarning: Importing embeddings from langchain is deprecated. Importing from langchain will no longer be supported as of langchain==0.2.0. Please import from langchain-community instead:
`from langchain_community.embeddings import HuggingFaceBgeEmbeddings`.
To install langchain-community run `pip install -U langchain-community`.
warnings.warn(
C:\Users\User\AppData\Local\NVIDIA\ChatRTX\env_nvd_rag\lib\site-packages\langchain\embeddings\__init__.py:29: LangChainDeprecationWarning: Importing embeddings from langchain is deprecated. Importing from langchain will no longer be supported as of langchain==0.2.0. Please import from langchain-community instead:
`from langchain_community.embeddings import HuggingFaceEmbeddings`.
To install langchain-community run `pip install -U langchain-community`.
warnings.warn(
C:\Users\User\AppData\Local\NVIDIA\ChatRTX\env_nvd_rag\lib\site-packages\langchain\llms\__init__.py:548: LangChainDeprecationWarning: Importing LLMs from langchain is deprecated. Importing from langchain will no longer be supported as of langchain==0.2.0. Please import from langchain-community instead:
`from langchain_community.llms import AI21`.
To install langchain-community run `pip install -U langchain-community`.
warnings.warn(
C:\Users\User\AppData\Local\NVIDIA\ChatRTX\env_nvd_rag\lib\site-packages\langchain\llms\__init__.py:548: LangChainDeprecationWarning: Importing LLMs from langchain is deprecated. Importing from langchain will no longer be supported as of langchain==0.2.0. Please import from langchain-community instead:
`from langchain_community.llms import Cohere`.
To install langchain-community run `pip install -U langchain-community`.
warnings.warn(
C:\Users\User\AppData\Local\NVIDIA\ChatRTX\env_nvd_rag\lib\site-packages\langchain\llms\__init__.py:548: LangChainDeprecationWarning: Importing LLMs from langchain is deprecated. Importing from langchain will no longer be supported as of langchain==0.2.0. Please import from langchain-community instead:
`from langchain_community.llms import FakeListLLM`.
To install langchain-community run `pip install -U langchain-community`.
warnings.warn(
C:\Users\User\AppData\Local\NVIDIA\ChatRTX\env_nvd_rag\lib\site-packages\langchain\llms\__init__.py:548: LangChainDeprecationWarning: Importing LLMs from langchain is deprecated. Importing from langchain will no longer be supported as of langchain==0.2.0. Please import from langchain-community instead:
`from langchain_community.llms import OpenAI`.
To install langchain-community run `pip install -U langchain-community`.
warnings.warn(
Using the persisted value form dataset_vector_embedding
Open HTTP s://127.0.0.1:48710?cookie=48e206cf-1b47-40a3-a517-ff7f0223f1ed&__theme=dark in browser to start ChatRTX
Running on local URL: HTTP s://127.0.0.1:48710
Traceback (most recent call last):
File "C:\Users\User\AppData\Local\NVIDIA\ChatRTX\env_nvd_rag\lib\site-packages\httpx\_transports\default.py", line 69, in map_httpcore_exceptions
yield
File "C:\Users\User\AppData\Local\NVIDIA\ChatRTX\env_nvd_rag\lib\site-packages\httpx\_transports\default.py", line 233, in handle_request
resp = self._pool.handle_request(req)
File "C:\Users\User\AppData\Local\NVIDIA\ChatRTX\env_nvd_rag\lib\site-packages\httpcore\_sync\connection_pool.py", line 216, in handle_request
raise exc from None
File "C:\Users\User\AppData\Local\NVIDIA\ChatRTX\env_nvd_rag\lib\site-packages\httpcore\_sync\connection_pool.py", line 196, in handle_request
response = connection.handle_request(
File "C:\Users\User\AppData\Local\NVIDIA\ChatRTX\env_nvd_rag\lib\site-packages\httpcore\_sync\connection.py", line 99, in handle_request
raise exc
File "C:\Users\User\AppData\Local\NVIDIA\ChatRTX\env_nvd_rag\lib\site-packages\httpcore\_sync\connection.py", line 76, in handle_request
stream = self._connect(request)
File "C:\Users\User\AppData\Local\NVIDIA\ChatRTX\env_nvd_rag\lib\site-packages\httpcore\_sync\connection.py", line 154, in _connect
stream = stream.start_tls(**kwargs)
File "C:\Users\User\AppData\Local\NVIDIA\ChatRTX\env_nvd_rag\lib\site-packages\httpcore\_backends\sync.py", line 152, in start_tls
with map_exceptions(exc_map):
File "C:\Users\User\AppData\Local\NVIDIA\ChatRTX\env_nvd_rag\lib\contextlib.py", line 153, in __exit__
self.gen.throw(typ, value, traceback)
File "C:\Users\User\AppData\Local\NVIDIA\ChatRTX\env_nvd_rag\lib\site-packages\httpcore\_exceptions.py", line 14, in map_exceptions
raise to_exc(exc) from exc
httpcore.ConnectError: [SSL: CERTIFICATE_VERIFY_FAILED] certificate verify failed: unable to get local issuer certificate (_ssl.c:1007)
The above exception was the direct cause of the following exception:
Traceback (most recent call last):
File "D:\chatrtx\CRTX\RAG\trt-llm-rag-windows-ChatRTX_0.3\app.py", line 706, in
interface.render()
File "D:\chatrtx\CRTX\RAG\trt-llm-rag-windows-ChatRTX_0.3\ui\user_interface.py", line 426, in render
interface.launch(
File "C:\Users\User\AppData\Local\NVIDIA\ChatRTX\env_nvd_rag\lib\site-packages\gradio\blocks.py", line 2209, in launch
httpx.get(
File "C:\Users\User\AppData\Local\NVIDIA\ChatRTX\env_nvd_rag\lib\site-packages\httpx\_api.py", line 198, in get
return request(
File "C:\Users\User\AppData\Local\NVIDIA\ChatRTX\env_nvd_rag\lib\site-packages\httpx\_api.py", line 106, in request
return client.request(
File "C:\Users\User\AppData\Local\NVIDIA\ChatRTX\env_nvd_rag\lib\site-packages\httpx\_client.py", line 827, in request
return self.send(request, auth=auth, follow_redirects=follow_redirects)
File "C:\Users\User\AppData\Local\NVIDIA\ChatRTX\env_nvd_rag\lib\site-packages\httpx\_client.py", line 914, in send
response = self._send_handling_auth(
File "C:\Users\User\AppData\Local\NVIDIA\ChatRTX\env_nvd_rag\lib\site-packages\httpx\_client.py", line 942, in _send_handling_auth
response = self._send_handling_redirects(
File "C:\Users\User\AppData\Local\NVIDIA\ChatRTX\env_nvd_rag\lib\site-packages\httpx\_client.py", line 979, in _send_handling_redirects
response = self._send_single_request(request)
File "C:\Users\User\AppData\Local\NVIDIA\ChatRTX\env_nvd_rag\lib\site-packages\httpx\_client.py", line 1015, in _send_single_request
response = transport.handle_request(request)
File "C:\Users\User\AppData\Local\NVIDIA\ChatRTX\env_nvd_rag\lib\site-packages\httpx\_transports\default.py", line 232, in handle_request
with map_httpcore_exceptions():
File "C:\Users\User\AppData\Local\NVIDIA\ChatRTX\env_nvd_rag\lib\contextlib.py", line 153, in __exit__
self.gen.throw(typ, value, traceback)
File "C:\Users\User\AppData\Local\NVIDIA\ChatRTX\env_nvd_rag\lib\site-packages\httpx\_transports\default.py", line 86, in map_httpcore_exceptions
raise mapped_exc(message) from exc
httpx.ConnectError: [SSL: CERTIFICATE_VERIFY_FAILED] certificate verify failed: unable to get local issuer certificate (_ssl.c:1007)
Press any key to continue . . .

So, I remember playing a game on pc way back when my family had a Windows ME computer that was meant to show the different phase changes of water. You started as either a water droplet, an ice block, or a vaporous cloud. your objective was to get to the end of the map. (The game was designed to work like a board game.) Meanwhile, you had pieces that could heat you up or cool you down and cause a phase change in your mover piece. There were also trap platforms that could propel you to different spots on the map, elephants that would suck you with their trunks and shoot you half-way across the map if you were a specific phase, such as a liquid or a gas. You could also play with friends or compete against the computer via varied colored pieces.
Does anyone on Reddit know the name of the game that I am describing. For the life of me, I can't remember what its name was. I'd like to think that it was called the waterworks game, but that is a name used for a more recent game, and this game came out at least two decades ago.

I felt that this video was somewhat disingenuous, and that it didn’t aim to be informative. In my opinion making a video to justify one sponsor is somewhat alarming, and I didn’t feel like the video gave an honest comparison between PIA and other VPN providers.
I’d first like to clarify that I have absolutely no issue with LTT taking sponsors from VPNs, I just dislike how they obfuscated information regarding PIA to make them appear better than other providers.
In the video they make a point to highlight companies that own multiple VPNs like Nord, now that wouldn’t be a problem if this video wasn’t made to justify PIA, and was just a general look into the VPN space. But as it stands it currently looks misleading, PIA are owned by Kape who also own: ExpressVPN, CyberGhost, and Zenmate. Again, wouldn’t be an issue if this wasn’t a direct attempt at pushing people to PIA which is what it appears to be.
In the video Linus mentions “sketchy characters who came over from the other side”, Which is exactly what Kape are; Before 2018, Kape Technologies was called Crossrider which created a development platform, which was used for many different purposes (both good and bad). Crossrider offered monetization options with its platform and was used by major ad injectors. Third parties also used Crossrider’s platform for malware distribution. In defence of Kape, this isn’t actually a reason and doesn’t bother me because Crossrider was not the owner or creator of that malware. So now let’s get into the more alarming stuff:
Let’s discuss the ownership, Interestingly, Teddy Sagi is named in the Panama Papers that detail a “rogue offshore financial industry.”.
But with all of that, the more interesting character behind Kapes ownership is Koby Menachemi who was part of Unit 8200, where he was a developer for three years. Unit 8200 is an intelligence unit of the Israel Defense Forces responsible for clandestine operation, collecting signal intelligence (SIGINT) and code decryption, counterintelligence, cyberwarfare, military intelligence, and surveillance. Now this is probably an unfair point to make because Isreal has mandatory conscription right? I agree, but it is still a bad look to neglect to mention that PIA is this “nefarious former hacker with ties to the Middle Eastern intelligence community, or a computer nerd who served their countries mandatory military service” point which you make, that feels like a misleading fact to leave out doesn’t it?
They also bring up VPNs paying and owning review sites, while failing to mention that Kape also do this. Again, this wouldn’t be an issue if this video wasn’t one big justification for PIA. In 2021, Kape purchased a collection of VPN “review” websites for $149 million, then changed their rankings:
May 2021, news broke that Kape had purchased a company called Webselenese. Webselenese operates out of Israel and runs the websites vpnMentor.com and Wizcase.com. Collectively, these two websites have monthly search traffic of around 6.1 million visitors according to Ahrefs traffic analysis tool (September 2021). Visiting vpnMentor’s homepage today, we find that the parent company’s three large VPN services all hold the top 3 spots in the rankings of the best VPNs
So what is it LTT, is this a huge issue that you refuse to support, or just a point to direct people towards PIA? PIAs logs policy haven’t been tested since they were acquired by KAPE so their claim is just as unproven as many other industry giants.
The only issue with this video is the way it comes across, the comment section is filled with people eager to move over to PIA because LTT neglect to tell that all the questionable practices are actually referring to PIA, but that isn’t mentioned, that the way it’s structured makes it seem like PIA are some pillar of the industry with better standards and no dodgy past.
It’s all good saying that you want to let your community decide and that the PIA don’t push you to say anything, which I believe. I just think the videos is somewhat misleading and may do something you don’t want it to do.

Hello all,
For context, my boyfriend and I have been together for over two years. We met his best friend about 6 months ago when he changed jobs.
Recently, my boyfriend and I were giving him advice for a girl he was seeing that recently things went south with. My boyfriend is notoriously a bad texted and phone call answere, and so his best friend has resulted in confiding with me for texting- especially late at night (after 11 pm). I have pretty strict, self made boundaries with those of the opposite sex, including late night texting due to respecting my relationship- however, I made the acception for him due to his closeness with my boyfriend.
My boyfriend and I have workplaces that are across the street from one another, and he and his best friend would come visit me after their shifts as I work closing shift at my job . However, recently, bf's best friend has started coming to see me even without my boyfriend. This wasn't an issue for me until a couple weeks ago where I was restocking shelves and I felt a pair of hands from behind me covering my mouth; it was my boyfriend's best friend "joking" with me that I am too vulnerable (mind you, this was at 10 pm). I let it slide because it was the first time he had done something like that to me, but his jokes and sly comments since then have been off-putting. At first, we joked about how oblivious my boyfriend is to small things (jokes that my boyfriend makes with us), but they have developed to be more uncomfortable; the final straw was tonight when they both came to visit me separately. Best friend says to me "(my name), have I ever told you how much i love you ?" I am completely startled by this and my boyfriend just laughs it off. He then turns to my boyfriend and says, "you're too oblivious to everything I do". My boyfriend leaves shortly after and he stays until the end of my shift, over 30 minutes.
I don't want to ruin their friendship, but i feel increasingly more uncomfortable. Recently, the best friend has also been making more comments on my physical appearance, etc. I also notice that when I try to make more physical distance between us, he tends to just scoot closer to me and no distance was made. I recently told all of my friends I will be taking a break from texting, including the best friend, and luckily since then he has not been texting me as much- but I'm not sure how to go from here.
Tl;Dr --
Boyfriend's best friend/work friend has been too close with me - more physical touch and closeness, complimenting me, and late night texting. Should I be concerned?

Clan name: Brave Brawlers, Clan tag #9VQPCLRC
Brave Brawlers https://link.clashofclans.com/en?action=OpenClanProfile&tag=9VQPCLRC
** Level 22 USA based clan looking for TH13+:

• Active players
• Interested in participating in upcoming CWL
• Help recruiting players
• Contribute to growth and create a strong community
• Players looking for permanent place to stay
• Able to communicate in English (Does not matter where you're from, but NA region preferred for time zone purposes)

** What we offer:

• Clan capital 7 (~ 800 - 1k medals)
• Gold 1 League (Pushing to Crystals)
• Constant CW
• Friendly environment
• Provide tips with attack strategies to the best of our ability
• ... And many more!

;) We're rebuilding the clan, though it may look inactive at the beginning. Y'all can be the change. Please consider us when looking for a permanent place to stay.

Female welder and I’m used to dealing with older men just being YUCK to work with. But this boomer was something else. What I learned quickly in male dominated workplace (other than the sexual harassment) was a lot of them didn’t believe I couldn’t do the job cause I was a girl, but instead just HAD to be the one who “teach me” or “show me the ropes” even by guys who didn’t even know how to do the job I was doing (welding or pretty much any steel fabrication) . This is important because Bob (i honestly forget this man’s name so that’s what were calling him) had this attitude. The issue with this is he wanted to spend more time teaching me about “life” instead of the welding techniques needed to complete the job.
(Sure bob didn’t go to college like I did for welding but I do have basic respect for work experience and a genuine interest in learning. So I did my best to just listen to this man and tried to learn the welding whenever he shut up about his life.)
Within a week this man told me about losing custody of his now adult son; plus having a horrible relationship with the kid, bc for 25 years bob was a crack head and that made him a horrible husband so his wife left; then now his son hates him and blah blah blah.
This is all while bob is supposed to be training me.
For personal reasons, hearing about bobs drug use and excuses for the “horrible” way he treated his family + how much he deserves forgiveness really pissed me tf off.
During the week of “learning” from bob i constantly had to bring our topic of conversation back to our job and how i prefered we just talk about work.
Bob didn’t get the memo cause it got to the point where this 60+ yr old man started getting tears in his eyes talking about his horrid crack days. And how he used to shoot up with dirty needles.
Because he didn’t listen to me, I took it to my supervisor where I was told, “ you need to learn how to deal with people in life” and “bob is just like that”.
The last rant Bob went on to me I was ready. My plan was to give my own opinions (which I’ve mostly kept to my self)
Our last conversation or should I say bobs last rant at me ,was about the tearing down the statues of slave owners or confederates and how it was erasing history and the world deserves to see those people.
But mostly it was the typical boomer rant of how kids these days are soft and ridiculously emotional unlike his generation.
Usually I’d try to change the topic to our job in ways most people do to kinda say (I don’t agree with you but this ain’t the time and place to have that kind of conversation anyways so let’s change the topic. Kind of way) Also another time by explicitly saying “hey I appreciate you feeling comfortable enough to tell me about your life but I’m not comfortable with having these conversations at work and can we please just talk about welding and the job.”
Bob still wasn’t getting it so, after the statue rant , I simply reminded him that you don’t need statues to learn about important times in history. I then told him it’s funny how emotional he was for being so upset over some statues . And I kinda scoffed/giggled at him for it.
Bob, a grown man, went as red in the face as a ripe tomato and started screaming bloody murder at me
“ THE WORLD HAS GONE TO SHIT, YOUR GENERATION ARE ALL SNOWFLAKES WHO WANT TO REWRITE HISTORY WITH LIES”
While Bob is SCREAMING this he’s actively walking towards me (as to try and like get in my face for intimidation) with his Mallet in his hand. Told my a$$ of a supervisor a lie to go home.
I booked it outta there and got a new better paying welding job a week later.

(Disclaimer: this is essentially my life story, so I understand if you don't want to sit and read a full novel of some depressing fuck's cry for help, but I couldn't find a way to condense it, sorry.)
Life is shit right now. It's taken a long time for me to admit it, but there's just no more beating around the bush anymore. I'm trapped in a profound sadness that refuses to loosen it's hold on me, and I don't know what to do. I don't want to end it all, I never have, but I've just been through so much that it's hard to believe things could ever get better.
I'm 24(M), and 4 years ago I lost both of my parents, 10 months ago my girlfriend of 6 and a half years broke up with me, and just a few weeks ago the company I had been planning to work for over half my life shut its doors for good. Now I'm sat with no clear path forward and a brother trying to take what little I have left, and I just don't know how to move on.
I lost my dad on February 29th, 2020. He had been in and out of the hospital for the past couple months for constipation, didn't think much of it, he was 68 after all. One night I come in to visit him in the hospital and I walk in on a surgeon explaining something to him and my mother. It turns out that results from the latest test had come in and a polyp had burst in his large intestine, he was quickly developing sepsis and if they didn't operate soon he wouldn't see the sunrise. A few minutes to sort his thoughts and make some calls to my aunts for advice and he decided that the surgeon who talked to us was more than welcome to operate since he offered, it just so happened he was one of the highest rated gastro-intestinal surgeons in Texas (don't know if I got the name of the surgeon right, my bad). So they prep him for surgery and as they wheal him off to put him under he grabs onto my hand, with tears in his eyes, and says "Take care of your mother." He had a look in his eyes, he didn't think he'd get to open them again. But sure enough a few anxiety-inducing hours later the surgeon comes back out and lets us know that everything went off without a hitch, they managed to remove the blockage and clean everything up without issue. Dad spent the next week in recovery at that hospital, but I only managed to visit him there once. I hate hospitals, but I love my dad, so when I saw him in there, all strapped up with hoses poking in and out of him, I put a smile on and rubbed his feet like I always did (he broke both his legs and shattered an ankle years ago, the man was lucky to walk to begin with, so you'd better believe I'd help in any way I could). That's the last picture ever taken of me and my dad, with him strapped to a hospital bed and me giving him a foot massage. The next time I saw him he had been discharged without me knowing, so I headed back home to our rural town late one night when he said I could visit. I'd had a lot to think about then, I'd always thought I had so much more time with Dad, that I'd only have to say goodbye when I was good and ready and he had seen us through our biggest moments. By then I wasn't so sure, so I sat with him on that Friday night and just talked, for as long as I could. I told him the little things I'd been hanging on to for far too long, the kinds of things that didn't matter in the slightest but you'd never tell your parents because you're too embarrassed. I told him about how I bumped into someone at a stoplight right after high school, but I convinced the other guy not to get insurance involved because I didn't want him to know and end up costing him more money, so I just used all of my savings and my graduation gift to pay the guy off after he replaced his rear bumper. All dad had to say about that was "you should have gotten insurance involved, that's what it's for." We laughed, and he thanked me for telling him, said it proved that I was the man he always wanted me to be. We talked about a lot, I tried to hug him tight, but since the surgery was on his gut they couldn't just stitch him up. He was so bloated before the surgery that he looked pregnant, so the skin around his gut was delicate and they had to bandage him up and put this weird circulator on him to keep it clean. Either way, I hugged him as best I could, told him I loved him, that he should take it easy, and that I'd talk to him soon. I remember looking through the door as I walked away, he was just laid up in bed watching TV. I gave him a peace sign as I walk off, he always did the same, whether we were looking or not. That was 9:30 PM. At 6 the next morning I woke to my mom calling me in tears, she said dad was gone. They had spoken after I left, talked about what we discussed, and he said he couldn't get comfortable in bed so he'd moved over to the recliner in the living room. He didn't wake up. Later on when we finally got the reports back they said he had passed peacefully in his sleep due to a heart attack. Dad had heart problems before, he had a quadruple bypass when I was about 8 and a stint placed in later on due to a murmur in his heart, and ever since he'd been taking meds. There were so many little details that stuck with me from that day. He was wearing a pair of socks I gave him when I came back on the 29th. The night before he said he didn't think he'd wake back up after the surgery, but he did, which meant God wasn't done with him yet. I still remember the sound of my mom's sobs from behind the wall of my bed, my brother and I stayed with her for the first week afterwards.
I was always aware that I had a great life, but I had never lost anything so major, never had something so horrid and life-changing happen to me. One moment I was getting used to my new classes for the semester in college, and the next thing I knew my life had flipped ass over teakettle and the world was imploding. The combination of the pandemic hitting right as I experienced the worse loss of my life, in the middle of my second year of college, certainly didn't help either. To be honest, it's still a blur. I don't remember much of those months, only that the days blurred together as I barely perceived time passing. The semester ended, and one day when my brother are checking on Mom, she suddenly rushed out the door with a sack of vodka bottles in tow, got in her car, and drove off to work. We had worried she may have fallen off again, but had been hoping against hope she wouldn't. Mom had been alcohol my entire life, I won't get into it, but when we went to her work and my brother drove her home, we had to carry her upstairs ourselves after she fell into a potted plant with vomit on her shirt. Not too long after we staged an intervention and had her checked back into rehab. At the end of her first month she would decide if she'd stay for a second and third, and despite the pleas of my brother and I, she wouldn't listen. We said we were done with her. We had given her all the love and support we could, but if that wasn't going to work then we'd resort to our only other option and cut her out. When she checked out of rehab I drove her home. I thought I could try one last time to talk some sense into her, that maybe she'd listen to reason. In the end she just ignored me, so I said everything I could think to say. If it was going to be the last time I got to talk to her, then I'd make use of that ride home and tell her everything I could think of. Just like Dad. I dropped her off at the family home, gave her a hug, told her I loved her, and watched as she got smaller in the mirror as I drove away. About a week later on July 9th, I got a call from my brother and my Aunt, her little sister. She was gone. They found her in a CVS parking lot in her car, upside down. She had been there for hours. We don't know exactly what happened. She may have had a seizure. All we know is that the reports came back with "complications due to alcohol abuse and fatty liver."
After that, the estate fell to my brother and I as the sole inheritors. I'm thankful for everyone that came out of the woodworks to help us. Our aunts helped with the will and all of the proceedings that came after. A lot had to be done, and a 20 year old still in college (me) and a 24 year old fresh out of college (my brother), were not the ones capable to taking care of it all. It took months to sort it all out. Hell, some of it never got resolved because we just never knew what to do. What matters is that we had the time and space to grieve, and so I did.
It turns out I've always had depressive tendencies, but at this point I had fully developed an Anxiety and Depressive disorder. It came to a head one Summer day when I just couldn't take it anymore. I'd always wrestled with the concept of Death, that after everything that happens in your life it all just ends, nothing, just an end to all, void, nothingness. I hated it. It stills sends me into panic attacks to this day, and has since I was a child. That Summer day I hit rock bottom, and I couldn't think of anything else, because what else could matter if it was all going to end anyway? Why should I care? I'm not going to care when I'm gone, so why care now? It's not like I'll be around to regret leaving if I chose to end it all. These were the thoughts that flooded my mind, and they wouldn't go away. I took a walk. I went through my neighborhood, cut through the trees at the cul-de-sac near the bottom of the hill, and came to a path that led to a nearly dry creak. the water was barely flowing, but I was sweaty and I wanted to sit. So there I sat and contemplated it all. The absolute inconsequentiality of life and all its meaninglessness. I looked down and saw a rock, picked it up, and thought to myself just how long it would take to bash my brains out and end it all right there. Sure it would hurt, but only for so long, then it would be gone, and I'd stop hurting. I don't know how long I really sat there looking at that rock, but eventually a family of four came walking down the path and I had to get up to get out of their way since I was sitting in the middle of the path. I dropped the rock, let them pass, and walked back home. after that I called my friends, got the name and number for their doctor, and booked an appointment later that week. Ever since then I've been medicated and I'm better for it. I don't believe in those thoughts anymore, but it scares me that I got to a point that I nearly listened to them. I've back to that creek bed since, and it's actually very pretty right after a storm, when all the trees are still dripping with rainwater.
Fast-forward a few years and it's May 2023, I struggled and I stumbled, but I felt like I had made progress. I felt far from past it, but I was moving on. I graduated with a Bachelor's in Science for Art and Entertainment Technologies. I didn't know exactly what I'd do with it, but I felt like I could figure it out with the city I was in. I went up to celebrate my girlfriend's graduation a few weeks later up in Missouri, we had been together for six and a half years. We met in high school in the same friend group, stuck through college in a long-distance relationship, and I thought we would go all the way. Over that summer after we both graduated she had to take one last internship to finish up her degree. I visited when I had the chance, but over the course of the summer I worked to make sure the house lived in would be ready for her, ready for two people to live in together once we finally started our lives together. She spent another two and a half months in Missouri, and the day she got back on July 29th she broke up with me. She had her dad drive her down the night before, and she spent that night with me after the long trip. The next morning after waking up and having breakfast, she sat me down and said she didn't think we should be together anymore. It was something she decided on over the Summer, she said she'd been thinking about it for a bit and finally had a gut feeling that we should split up. There wasn't anyone else, she actually explained that it was the opposite. She had lived her entire life with barely any privacy. As the middle child of 6 children she rarely, if ever, got a moment to herself. She only ever had one room to herself, but even then it was in a smaller house with 4 other people, and no locks on her door. When she left for college she had to share a dorm with her roommate, and when she came back for the Winter and Summer breaks she stayed with me (I also have a housemate, so even then the privacy wasn't perfect). Over the course of that last Summer she finally had a room all to herself, a single dorm for 2 and a half months. During her internship it was the exact same, she worked in an archive, which are quiet on a bad day and silent as the grave every other day. Couple that with the fact that she only ever work with one other person (her supervisor), and that's if they worked with anyone else there at all, for 40 hours a week. She told me that summer gave her the alone time she never had the chance to take before, and spent a lot of it thinking, spending all the time she never got before to be alone with her thoughts. A couple weeks before she came back she had come to the conclusion that she didn't want to be in a relationship anymore. She gave me a lot of reasons for want to split up, that being one of them. The biggest reason, one she said she couldn't ignore, was that she thought we were becoming two very different people. She said she didn't think we would work if we stayed together, that the way she saw us going, it just wasn't going to work out. She told me she still loved me, but when I asked if it was in the same way as before, she could only shake her head. I still regret asking that. She left with her sister later that day, and came back with her family the next to pack up all her things and leave. When she was busy inside, I took a moment to talk to them and ask if I did anything wrong, they all said no. They said she was just the most independent person they all knew, and that I had nothing to be sorry for. It didn't help. When they were done she gave me one last moment with her, one last tear-stained kiss goodbye, but when she turned in the driveway to hand me back the extra key to the house, I broke down. I stood by the door just long enough to watch their car fade from view as they drove away, then I went back inside and collapsed into a void of sorrow and self-pity.
That was 10 months ago. I'd like to say I've made progress, but some days it's hard to believe that. In the time since I've spent a lot of time on myself, learning who I was and what I wanted to be. The main sticking point I had with her reasoning was that she was so certain we were going to end up two completely different people, but I didn't even know who I wanted to be. If I didn't know who I was, let alone who I was going to be, how could she be so definitively certain? A lot of time and self-reflection brought up a plethora of questions I'd never thought to ask myself. With a rural backwoods public Texas education, it turns out that a lot of mental health issues can fall between the cracks. I found out that I'm on the Autism Spectrum (I get my full Psych Eval later this week, so that's nice), I learned that I'm demisexual, and also that I get extremely, soul-crushingly lonely when I'm single. All my best friends had to move out of state last February (it's a long story but I can explain if necessary), so when we split up I had next to no one to fall back on nearby. I had acquaintances and others I could call, but the people I loved the most were a 13 hour drive away. I made the trip when I could, but it just wasn't the same. It's ironic though, I found a therapy service through a podcast she introduced me to. I've been seeing a reliable and caring therapist for 9 and a half of the past 10 months, so I'm grateful for that. I've come to learn that even if the crushing loneliness hurts the most, finding a new relationship isn't the right step forward. I spent long enough trying to make that happen, now I know it can't fix anything, nor should it.
For a while I was starting to feel things turning around. Not so much getting better, but it was a start. Then It got to February, and along with it another tide of problems. My brother has always been the one to party, since he was in high school and all throughout college he was the one that got the drinks and people together. When we became independent he was the one that got on my ass about not wasting our inheritance and only using it when absolutely necessary. It's ironic then, that he was the one to call me in late Feb telling me he'd blown through it all and gone bankrupt. For this next part I need to provide some context, so I'm sorry if it drags on. I never planned on moving out of the family home, but mom and dad had waited long enough and wanted me out, so mom agreed to find a place for me to stay and provide housing until I graduated college. She was a realtor for a big real estate company for over 25 years, and it just so happened that the last neighborhood she sold from had a model home the company wanted to get rid of. She pulled some strings and in the end she got it for a steal, like half the market price for a house in the area, with a monthly payment similar to most apartments in the same city. I'm well aware of how privileged I was and still am to this day, I don't want people to think I don't recognize the luck I've been given. However, when our parents passed the entirety of the estate was split 50/50 between my brother and I. Meaning that the house that I lived in at the time, and still have for the past 4 and a half years, is only half mine. This never really sat well with me, so when I eventually brought it up with my brother and asked about becoming the sole owner of my house, he agreed that it was the right call. The problem, is that he told me that he hand over his half for half of what the house would be sold for at maximum market price. He didn't want what we'd paid for, he didn't want half of what it was bought at, nor did he want any reasonable price, he wanted the most amount of money he could get for a home that wasn't his, nor was ever meant to be his (I want y'all to know that I already feel like the most privileged asshole ever having typed all this out, sorry for sounding like a shithead). Somewhere along the way, he got it in his head that I had already agreed to pay what he wanted me to for his half, and when he called me late Feb and asked for money, he got upset with me when I told him that I didn't want to. He got angry and started talking about how I owed him for my house, how I already agreed to pay him and that he'd count whatever I gave him as the start to my payment for the property I've lived on for nearly 5 fucking years. I panicked, and though I regret it, I caved and gave him far too much money (more than I'm willing to admit), in hopes he'd leave me alone. Unfortunately over the past 4 months he's only gotten worse.
Before this time we (my brother and our Aunts) came to the conclusion that the family home we had turned into an Airbnb was no longer sustainable. While it had been profitable for a good few months in 2022, by late 2023 it had turned into a money sink. There was more and more wear and deferred maintenance popping up with each passing month that by the time 2024 rolled around we were forced to choose between selling it off or emptying the rest of our inheritance in an attempt to fix it back up with no promise that it would be worth it. It sucked to do it, I spend the first 20 years of my life in that house, but in the end we gave the go ahead and my Aunt helped us put it on the market when Feb rolled around. The housing market where it's built is extremely competitive, it's on the outskirts of a rural tourist town with a view to die for, so we didn't think it would be too much waiting around before we got an offer. That was 4 months ago, and we haven't heard a word since, even though the first estimate was 6 weeks to 6 months. The agent helping us with the house let us know that there were over 60 homes being sold in the surrounding area, with half of them at a very similar price point. I don't feel comfortable revealing exactly what the house is priced at, but to give an idea, the money I'd make off of selling it, even after being split in half and reduced by taxes, would be enough to completely pay off the mortgage on my house and then some. The kicker to all of this, is that the house isn't in perfect condition. Even considering all the detracting factors, I'd say the price we have the house listed at is more than fair for the area, but nobody wants to buy a fixer-upper at that price point, even if it is worth it. To make all these matter worse, I found out recently that my brother has STILL been holding house parties there, even though he has a perfectly good party place where he currently lives! I found out when my Aunt told me about a showing we were going to have, but my brother tried to call and tell her to postpone it because he was going to be having a party the day before the showing was scheduled. In the middle of all this, he texts me out of the blue, trying to get me to talk to him and discuss something. I'm having none of it and tell him that if he needs to get something off his chest, he can text me or leave me alone, I don't want to talk. So he ends up sending me full fucking paragraphs, going on about how he's hit rock bottom, how we have to close the joint account we've been using to pay all the shared bills and expenses, and how he's so sorry for being a shitty older brother. Near the end of it he throws in how he recently lost his girlfriend to a drunk driver and that he's in mourning. I went digging and it turns out the girl he mentioned, who did tragically pass in an accident and was heavily mourned in the community, was not in a relationship with him for the past year and a half. I didn't know this until a month later though, so this all came out of the blue in a time where I just wanted to be done with him, so now I had no clue what to think. The way he spoke and said all the right things to make me feel for him hurt, it made me want to drive over to his house and throw my arms around him and tell him that he'd be okay and he wasn't alone. Then we found out about the party, and he never stopped using the joint account for all the bullshit personal spending he'd been using for before at liquor stores and bars, so I got to see first-hand what all he was spending both of our shared funds on (this is only one account I put money into when we need to pay bills, the majority of my money is in my own personal savings account that he doesn't have any access to). In short: he made it real obvious that everything he said to us was a complete and total lie, after pleading with me and making me take on the task of cancelling half the bills we had tied to the joint account just to save him the time and effort. He manipulated me, and it was plain as day to see it.
Now I'm at a point where I just have to wait for something to happen. I can't do a damn thing to change my shitty situation with my brother and my home. I want to cut him off, become fully independent, and leave all the trauma I have with him, but I literally can't. I have to wait until the family house is sold or he tries to come after me and my livelihood. I tried my best to research my options, but there's nothing I can do with my house unless he signs over his portion to me, and he won't do that unless he gets what he wants. The only thing I've been able to think of is that I could possibly take him to court and argue that his actions caused the selling price of our family home to go down, but I don't even know if that's possible or what it would do for me. I don't want to sue my brother, I just want to be done with him. I want to scream and yell and make him understand the stress he's put me through, make him feel the pain he's caused me my entire life just for wanting him to like me. I want to make him know just how much it hurts to have put so much effort into someone that was never going to care in the first place, but more than anything, I just want to be done with him.
I did the math, and unfortunately I now know that I have a time limit for the family home to be sold. Meaning that if the home isn't sold by the new year and we have to pay the property taxes again, I'll be the one taking the full brunt of that responsibility. If that happens I will either not have enough money in my savings to cover that cost, or I'll have just enough to pay for it and have nothing left. Either way, with how much the maintenance of everything has been draining our finances, I'd have to sell my current home to pay for the costs after property taxes are dealt with. It would solve so many issues if I just sold off my house, but it would hurt so God damn much. I've put so much effort into this house to try and make it feel like a home, make it feel like my home. When the world was falling apart and I lost everything else, this one house and the memories I made here were what kept me going. There are days where it feels like it's all I've got left. The last thing I want is to lose this house. I know I'd end up fine. I'd have funds left over to take care of me after it's sold, and the family home would sell eventually, but none of that would matter. I can see how long I might have left in this house in the pages left on the calendar hanging from my wall, and all I can do is wait for the other shoe to drop to see if I'm losing this too. All I can do is sit and fester in this shitty void of depression and anguish while I wait to find out what happens. I hate it.
When I didn't think anything could get worse, just a handful of weeks ago I idly checked Facebook and saw that my ex, the love of my life, had found herself a new boyfriend. Soul-crushing couldn't begin to describe what I felt. I thought I'd made progress, thought I'd said goodbye to my desire to rekindle what we once had. I thought I'd finally started to move on, but I suppose I didn't know how wrong I could be. She had changed her profile picture to one with her and him standing together, arm in arm. She looked so God damn gorgeous. I couldn't get over the fact that she had never done that when we were together, I guess I still haven't. I'm not even mad at her, or him, or anyone, I'm just in pain. I want her to be happy, she deserves to be happy, but all I can focus on is just how much I miss her. I saw her post about how they went to the zoo and it broke me. I've checked her Facebook so many times and I know I shouldn't, I keep telling myself that it's only going to hurt, but I still do it and it always breaks me down even more. For a short time she changed her picture to a different one and removed her relationship status, so I thought they had broken up. I feel guilty for even admitting it but it made me feel hope, like we still had a chance. I didn't want to give in to that feeling and set myself up for disappointment, but I couldn't help but feel like maybe she thought of what we had and there was a chance that the knowledge of who we were now would be enough to start something new. But I was wrong. She changed it to a new picture of the two of them a few days later, and it broke me all over again. It's strange, every time I start to feel like something is working, like I'm making some kind of progress, another bombshell comes hurtling around and blindsides me. I keep trying to get back on my own two feet, and I keep getting knocked back down. I feel myself becoming more and more jaded throughout all of this, and I'm trying so hard not to let myself become that. I feel the desire to just give up building more and more as the hurdles keep tripping me up, and I hate how appealing it's started to become. I'm just trying to find out who I am GOD DAMNIT, why can't anything just go fucking right.
I haven't had the motivation to do anything, it's always been an issue in my life that I've constantly fought against. From applying to college to finishing finals, I've only ever done the work that was most important when I had no other choice and at the last possible moment. Motivation and passion; these are the two things I've struggled with the most for the past year. I always knew that if I was going to find fulfilment in life, those would have to be my two guiding lights, or I'd end up sad and disappointed no matter where I found myself. Nothing seems to help, I can have fun when I make the conscious effort, but it doesn't feel the same. Now more than ever I've been putting in so much effort just to find out where I'm meant to be and what I'm meant to do. I've done and tried so many different things just to gain a better understanding of who that guy in the mirror staring back at me really is. I know I've made progress, logically it cannot be ignored that the steps I've made to get to the point that I have in life have done something, but it's gotten just so damn hard to see, and even more so to believe. There are days where I go through all the motions, I wake up, I eat, I do the things that I used to enjoy, but all I can think about is her and the amazing times we had. I think about all the plans we had together, the plan I had to ask her to marry me, the life we planned on building together. It just doesn't stop, but I'm doing so much to try and move forward. I just don't know if it's doing anything, if I'm just spinning my wheels in place while waste away on the inside. I schedule weekends where I can get away from it all and take a trip somewhere a few hours away, because even if I could be doing something else while I'm here, even I can recognize that a change in scenery and something new could always help. Sometimes it does help, other times it just feels like a distraction, and other times it just brings me back to the trips I used to take with her and the only thing I can think about is how much fun we'd be having if we were there together.
I used to think I knew what career I wanted in life. From a very young age I only ever wanted to work for the same company that produced the shows I grew up watching online. The things they made got me through so many darker times, and made the bright ones all the better to remember. I picked up new hobbies and learned new skills just to try and have an edge when I finally worked up the courage to apply for a job. I even picked up 3D modeling in high school just to get a head start from the inspiration their shows gave me. Then everything went to shit in my life, I lost nearly all direction, and I ended up too little too late. Two weeks ago the company that I'd been following for over half my entire life shut its doors for good, and I got to see one of my life-long dreams turn ash. At least I got to be there to say goodbye. They gave a lot to me, so I'm happy I at least got the chance to let them know that before they were gone.
I want to move on, I really do. Amidst the maelstrom of everything that's happened to me, and the deluge that still is happening to me, it just feels impossible that I ever could move on. I only just made my first resume last week for the first job I've every applied to, and it's at a retail store with nothing to do with what I studied in college. I want to make progress in life. I want to live. But I feel like I haven't had a life to live for so long now, and I just don't know what to do.
I'm sorry for the novel-length text dump of exposition and self-pity, I just didn't know what else to turn to.

Hiya! My name is Bip and I'll be hosting a Lost Mine Of Phandelver game with some homebrew changes that will eventually lead to another homebrew campaign. I'm looking for serious players, however, if you're a new player that's dedicated and take RP seriously I'd be more than happy to teach ya'll!
I'm hoping for about a 50/50 mix for RP and combat. I'll allow MOST any type of class/ race. (PS If you want to run a rare setup please lmk first.)
And for any new players out there I'd be glad to have a 1 on 1 discussion about any questions, rules, character creations, or general inquiries about the game.
Important! You must be between the ages of 15-19. You also must have a mic and discord to join. A camera is NOT required.
I'd prefer to have the sessions be hosted at least once a week on Mondays. However, my work is very flexible so we'll come together to find a time that fits everyone!
Please reach out and DM on discord at Bip#2606

My name is Mal, I am forming a speed group in Dawntrail called Reality
I personally have been speeding since Abyssos, unfortunately my speeds team is retiring in DT so I am forming a new group with folks I have met in the speeds and opti scene along the way.
Current Roster:
Mal Mal https://www.fflogs.com/charactena/leviathan/mal%20mal Han Soo https://www.fflogs.com/charactena/sargatanas/han%20soo Noodle Excitement https://www.fflogs.com/charactena/exodus/noodle%20excitement Silvi Vee https://www.fflogs.com/charactena/ultros/silvi%20vee
Current goals of the group is: - complete all 4/5 fights for speeds, compete for ASP - create and execute extreme LB generation plans as that is the current speeds meta - ability to flex to any comp, if you sign up for a role be prepared to flex to another within it - complete usual DPS sheeting and simulation - ~12-15h per week of raid time
Requirements: - consistency - high level of job knowledge and flexibility within your role - experience with high end opti - ability to sheet out dps rotation / lb generation plans - be bis on at least main job for starting week
Bonuses: - ability to flex to another role - previous speeds experience
This group will formally form ~week 8 post individual members' prog group clears/reclears
Current draft of schedule is post 6pm pst weekdays and weekends, subject to change
Please DM me on discord (mal.mal) if interested or have any questions

I’m a software developer, not in gaming, but still. Anyone in this position knows the pain of fighting product managers making up dumb ass features that sound like a small change but actually don’t work with existing code base at all and require either huge reworks or you create unmaintanable mess.
This last dota update is absolutely insane.
You want this one hero to do what? He’s supposed to be able to disassemble otherwise not disassemleable items? Plus change how much the recipees sell for him? But still with few exceptions? And this one sells items for full price? This one gets ability points at different levels and changes how talent levels work? Plus we need to change an UI element that is usually not changeable and same everywhere? And OD innate changes name on every hover just for shits and giggles? This reveals the map on day cycle? This treats ranged hero as melee?
These are huge exceptions to code, where default behavior becomes convoluted exceptions, all for a hero that isn’t even that popular. If your product manager comes and asks for a feature change that affects only 20% of users but requires a bunch of exceptions to the code and the change itself is just “maybe this will be kinda cool” you would think the company is absolutely insane.
People give shit to valve for spaghetti code and being run by janitors, but honestly valve is one of the most creative teams, they will do things no other teams will do just because it sounds kinda cool. Even before current changes, the fact that we have Rubick functioning in the game is absolutely insane. The amount of effort these features take to implement and maintain would be considered wasted man hours in any other studio. Yet Valve gives us this incredible sandbox and not just maintains it, but breaks their own in game rules to give us new cool shit that long term makes it harder for them.

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/notofamily posting in AmItheAsshole
Concluded as per OOP
1 update - Medium
Original - 21st March 2021
Update - 20th April 2021
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AITA for respecting my late wife’s wishes about keeping her family out?
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My wife unfortunately passed away last year when our daughter was only 3 months old. It was very difficult to get through but my little girl and I are keeping it together.
My daughter is 16 months now and there’s been pressure from my wife’s sister to let her side of the family see my daughter.
The issue is my wife had absolutely no contact with her family since she was 18, so 16 years of not seeing them. Her home life was something she never wanted to talk about.
It always made her upset so I never pushed her to tell me. All I know is they were manipulative and abusive in some form. She left as soon as she was 18, changed her last name and never spoke to them again.
4 years ago she got into contact with her older sister and she’s the only person my wife allowed into our lives. By that I mean we met through video chat but never actually in person.
We still maintained contact after my wife passed and we met a couple times before and during my wife’s funeral. My sister-in-law called me a few weeks ago. She mentioned her parents would really like to meet their granddaughter and want to start over.
They didn’t attend my wife’s funeral because they knew she wouldn’t want them to be there.
One thing my wife always made clear is that she did not want them near our daughter. Ever.
Telling my SIL this...well she got very upset. She said it’s been years and yes her parents were awful people (again won’t say exactly what they did) but losing their daughter has made them reflect on things. And they want to meet my daughter since my wife never gave them that chance.
She’s still trying to convince me and so far I’ve said no. Each time I just feel more and more bad for denying them but it’s what my wife wanted.
Her parents found my Facebook (pretty sure SIL might’ve told them) and I’ve gotten dozens of messages begging me to let my daughter know her moms side of the family. And I shouldn’t keep her from knowing her grandparents for past mistakes.
None of them will leave me alone and SIL has said a few times that I may be grieving losing a wife but to have some empathy for them losing a child. Because right now I’m being “too heartless” for denying them the chance to meet the only piece of my wife they have left.
I’m at my wits end with this because I’m not sure if I am being an asshole or not. I don’t know the whole reason why my wife never wanted to see them again. Even if I did though, I’d still like to honor her wish.
The way they are being however, makes it hard not to wonder if I am?
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Comments
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birdiepet
NTA

All I know is they were manipulative and abusive in some form.

The best prediction of future behavior is past behavior

None of them will leave me alone
I’m at my wits end with this because I’m not sure if I am being an asshole or not.

You're getting a glimpse of their manipulative tactics

One thing my wife always made clear is that she did not want them near our daughter. Ever.

Honor her wish.
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Big_Fans_Comedy
If the family really didn’t attend the funeral to “respect her wishes”, I’m sure they’d do the same here. Don’t let them near your daughter ever, OP
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pugluv91
NTA. Do not let them have anything to do with your daughter. The last thing you want is to allow them to have a relationship with your daughter and then after a while you see exactly why your wife didn't want anything to do with them, because depending where you live if they have an established relationship with your daughter they can go for grandparents rights, as of right now they have no grounds. Cut the sil off to she's just giving you a taste of how toxic the rest of your wife's family are. Protect your child.

OOP: Thank you for the advice. With everything on my plate it’s just been so overwhelming and now this whole situation. I want to be able to honor my wife’s wishes. Whatever the reason was that made her cut all contact with them

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Permit-Extreme-117
And do not believe the parents crap that they are grieving the loss of their child. They abused her and lost her completely 16 years ago. They deserve nothing.
The fact neither your wife or her sister can even indicate in even a vague or more generalised way the abuse that occurred, means it was truly horrendous.
Tell your SIL this is a permanent and hard no, and if she cannot accept and respect that fully (which means providing no information to her parents), then she cannot have contact with your child either. You need to be very very careful with her even if it appears she's going along with this. You'll likely need to cut her off too anyway, as she's already shown she's on their side.
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**Judgement - NTA*\*
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Update - 1 month later
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Thank you everyone for all the lovely comments and support. I was really worn down with this whole ordeal so all your input was so very appreciated . There was a lot of you that expressed your concerns about what my wife’s family’s intentions were and warned me about taking precautions to keep my daughter safe. I have taken these into consideration and have made steps to ensure they have no access to any information that could disclose our location.
And yes in the end I did decide it was best to cut off all contact, not only with my wife’s parents but her sister too. I tried to get through to her many times about why I’d like to to respect my wife’s call on this since she knew her family best and what they did. Despite all the reassurance that her parents have changed she’s still refused do actually say what went down so that was not at all convincing for me.
Once I blocked them all I was getting calls from different numbers the following days. I sent one final message to her sister stating they’re never allowed near me or my daughter and if they ever tried to come harass us I will get authorities involved. Since then it was radio silence for the last couple weeks but I decided to play it safe a few days ago and changed my phone number.
I’ve also deleted my Facebook since I don’t use it that often but have put my other social media accounts on private. Got many great suggestions from many of you about how to make sure they have absolutely no access to my daughter so I really appreciate that! I’ve saved a few of these comments incase I need some extra tips in the future as my daughter gets older and starts school.
Since I last posted and have cut contact I feel like I can finally breathe. You have no idea how stressful and draining the whole thing was for me so really, thank you all for the help! I’ve been more at peace putting this all behind me and focusing on my beautiful little girl. Just wanted to leave this update since I know there was a lot of concern about how this would all play out.
Thanks again, internet strangers! :)
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Comments
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[deleted]
You can tell you did the right thing because they were already bringing a lot of bad energy without them being in your's or your daughter's life yet (and now never) : "You have no idea how stressful and draining the whole thing was for me so really,"

OOP: So very true! My god I didn’t realize just how exhausted I truly was until after I completely blocked them off

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DanetteGirl
Please tell me you have a will and a plan if (God forbid) anything happens to you. These people have shown themselves to be untrustworthy in concerns to your child.

OOP: Oh absolutely. We already had one prepared before my wife passed. My daughter’s godparents (my sister and her husband) would be the ones who’d look after her

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CarmenNirvana
I remember reading your original post and am happy to hear that you worked it out!
Based on the way your SIL was deflecting the question of what happened I think the reason why your late wife went NC (and why she never told you) would absolutely justify keeping your child away from them. The possibilities are endless but all progressively worse. If you know if the authorities were involved or other people in your late wife's life that would have an idea, it might be worth it to look into it/get a PI just so you have that peace of mind.
Regardless, you made the right decision and best wishes!!!

OOP: I’ve thought about that but part of me isn’t sure if I’d feel better or worse knowing what happened and what exactly it was that my wife had to live with in silence. I’m still thinking about it

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Snarky_Boojum
Some things are best left alone. If they’re being quiet now, I’d suggest leaving the entire situation in the past and, as you put it, focus on your beautiful little girl.
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I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

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Just wanna tell this story in the hopes that maybe one person will see it. Alt account for obvious reasons.
Back in November 2023 I was arrested and charged with a felony after a car accident. Trying to clear my name and record has been literal hell, for something that i should not have been in legal trouble for.
I was rear ended in a construction zone, and after asking the other party for their insurance and them refusing, i called the police. The police told me that it would take a while for an officer to arrive, so to go down to the station and make a report. I could not do this as the other driving was blocking me in the parking lot we were in and threatened to kill me if i leave.
After the police arrived, they asked questions to both me and the other party, then asked me if i would like to press charges. I told the officer yes, as i was shaken up, and the other party tried blocking me in and refused to give their insurance. After this, the officers went back to talk to the other party, then came back to me and said i was being charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, as i had hit my brakes too hard, and the man behind me feared for his life.
I genuinely could not believe this and i thought the cop was joking or something, i had never been in trouble or charged with any crime before. But the officer told me it was a felony and i would have to go to jail and talk to a judge. He told me since it was early in the morning i’ll see the judge the same day. I stayed in jail for 30 hours before i even got to speak to anyone who knew what was going on, and i was released 48 hours after. When i saw the judge they told me my charge “Aggravated Assault with a deadly weapon” but they said there was no evidence for such a charge and they would be releasing me.
So after being released i hired at attorney and paid $1500, who then told me all the charges were dropped and i have nothing to worry about. I didn’t know charges being dropped meant it was still on your record. This has made it extremely difficult to get a job and transfer schools as i’m only 20 years old and now have a violent felony on my record. The lawyer told me for $2000 more, they could help me to expunge my record. (I quite literally do not have that amount of money, and i shouldn’t have to pay it, when i was charged with a felony for a CAR ACCIDENT)
This entire process, after spending 2 days in jail especially over thanksgiving, has changed my entire outlook on life and law enforcement. I will never feel safe around law enforcement again, nor will i trust them to properly uphold the law.

This one is for you u/GwendalBruh
Where: At the highest peaks of Ministra, you meet a Tiran by the name of Nasaliya. When you interact with her, you have to beat her in a race. This race takes place in the air and you use your Glider. There will be rings that appear and going through them gives you a speed boost. Successfully beating Nasaliya will deem you as a worthy opponent to fight (you only need to do this once and you can do it multiple times for fun if you want).
Fight: This takes place on a small peak of Ministra, a small arena about half the size of Maestro’s boss fight. Nasaliya has 2 phases and 45K health. Phase 2 happens at 30K health. She will fight like a Humanoid too. Her weapon is her wings as they have been so honed that they are sharp like razors.
Phase one Nasaliya has 3 main moves.
Feathered Retreat: Nasaliya jumps 3 times, throwing a fan of feathers towards you each jump. These can be blocked (medium posture damage), parried, or dodged.
Myriddian Feathers: Nasaliya throws hordes of feathers towards you (they are homing). She will throw a random amount of waves ranging from 3-6, making it reaction based, ending with a flying kick towards you that must be parried or dodged (if you block you are instantly guard broken.)
Tiran Divebomb: Nasaliya flys high up in the air out of vision. After a short amount of time, she dives and strikes you. This MUST be dodged. You will hear the sound que of a move that has to be dodged to be able to dodge this. After coming down, she will slide and use another one of her main moves from there. If she hits you, she grabs you, throws you in the air, and strikes you down. This does HEAVY damage.
Not Worthy (Execute): Being not worthy of her actual power will disappoint Nasaliya. She says you weren’t as strong as she thought you were and proceeds to grab you, twirls you once, then tosses you off the mountain. This doesn’t kill you, but forces you to climb Ministra again to fight her.
Phase 2: After reaching phase 2, Nasaliya laughs saying, “Maybe I’ll have to try here!” and she twirls, making a fierce air wave that stops it from snowing completely. This is when the real battle actually begins. Cue the increase of the speed of the music. Phase 2 Nasaliya will be much more aggressive and tough. She changes from a humanoid AI to her own unique AI. She has 2 forms in the phase, which is her land form and air form.
New Moves:
Relentless Dashes (Execute): Nasaliya sees you as worthy and doesn’t hold back. If you are downed, she will teleport to you, uppercut you, then do a flurry of dashes through you until you are reduced to nothing. This kills you.
Feathered Fight (Land): When Nasaliya is fighting you on land she has a chance of entering her feathered state. Feathers will be twirling around her when she lands. In this state, her M1s will send a feather a set amount of distance. Alone, these feathers don't do anything. At the end of her feathered flight, she recalls all the feathers towards her. You must dodge here. Nasaliya will always laugh and then recall her feathers. Each feather does damage to you, so either dodging or staying out of the line between her and you will work. She will swap to a random air move after this.
Tiran Destruction (Air): Tiran Divebomb becomes Tiran Destruction. This covers the arena in red outlines. You must stand in an area that isn’t red to dodge this attack. Even if you dodge the attack you will still get hit for being in the zone. This happens 3 times in a quick succession. You will only be able to get some hits in if you dodged all 3 of these.
Razor Feathers (Air): Nasaliya takes into the air and glides around you preparing to attack. She will send a set of homing feathers to you 4-8 times. Her feathers will either glow red or blue. If they are blue, you must parry or block them. If they are red, you must dodge them. She can only send out 2 red feathers in a row and you must dodge roll cancel to successfully be able to dodge this attack. Her final feather will ALWAYS be blue. Parrying this SUCCESSFULLY, will fling it back towards her, hitting her and knocking her down to the floor. This allows you to get hits on her.
Feathered Aggression (Land): This move is Feathered Retreat but turns her feathers Red and Blue. Blue feathers means parry and red feathers mean dodge. Read “Razor Feathers” on how to deal with this. Her last wave of feathers will ALWAYS be blue, so parrying this deflects it back, stunning her, allowing you to do damage.
Feather Tennis (Land & Air): On the ground, Nasaliya will do a backflip and send a yellow feather towards your direction. This Yellow feather must be hit with an m1 to punish her. You can parry or dodge it, but she will use another move after this then. M1ing the Yellow feather will deflect it and stun her allowing you to get hits in. This can also happen in the air, and deflecting it will just knock her down for you to get hits in.
Finisher: When reaching 0 HP or her final stand, Nasaliya will use “A Feathered Finish!” to end the fight. This will always be used last and she will not die until this move is used.
A Feathered Finish!: Nasaliya teleports in front of you instantly (shes that fast) and throws you upwards away far from the arena. To make it back you have to glide back (your glider will automatically be pulled out even if you don’t have one). Because of the strong winds in the mountains, you move WAY faster (like 3x usual glider speed). There will be a barrage of feathers and you must dodge them by moving accordingly while still moving back to the arena. After making it back from the arena, Nasaliya recalls all the feathers back towards her. At this point is when you just spam F. After this she will say, “That was fun, let's do it again another time…” as she falls down to the ground from exhaustion. You win the fight.
TL:DR
Funny Tiran boss at top of Ministra. A boss fight more on reactions than pattern memorization. She is funny first phase, then the actual fight starts on the second phase. First phase is humanoid AI, while the second phase is going to be similar to fighting Chaser's AI (doing dmg after moves).

My study today was spent defending Jesus as a law-giver and law-keeper. I learned that Jesus' interpretations of justice and mercy were always in existence. We were not made privy to them because of our human frailty, and our hearts hardened by sin. (Matthew 19:8, Mark 3:1-5, Romans 5:13) Even now, the parables reveal things to us that we were not ready to receive when our Lord walked the earth. (John 16:12-15)
We're made in God's image. Every lesson of life we learn, makes us more like Him. As we grow spiritually, we leave behind logic that no longer seems reasonable. (Psalm 17:15, Matthew 10:25, 1 Corinthians 13:11-13)
Jesus, the prophesied Messiah, came to give us a greater, and more glorious law. (Deuteronomy 18:15, Acts 3:22, Jeremiah 31:31-34) Mankind was not ready to receive, much less live out, the fullness of the law when it was given on Mt. Sinai. Even now, we are being perfected and learning, by the guidance of the Holy Spirit. (Deuteronomy 18:15-19, 1 John 2:27) Jesus explained, "I did not come to destroy the law and the prophets, but to fulfill." He also explained how vital it is to keep the whole law. (Matthew 5:17-20)
Throughout the Hebrew scriptures, we are warned not to "turn to the right hand or the left" in keeping the law. (Deuteronomy 5:32, Deuteronomy 17:1, Deuteronomy 28:14, Joshua 23:6) It means not to do more or less than what it says. The way Jesus kept the law (including the Sabbath law) was a correction of the rulers' current practices. Jesus used scripture, creation, and divinely appointed miracles to show people that they were the ones in the wrong.
Most of the laws Jesus explained to us are more easily broken than the law of Moses. We are no longer even allowed to hate, much less murder. (Matthew 5:43-45, Psalm 139:21-22) We can only keep these laws by the power of the Holy Spirit who changes our hearts. God's Holy Spirit makes us people of truth and love.
All Jesus' corrections of the commandments were scorned in his day. Don't you find it strange that Jesus, the Author of Life, is constantly condemned for promoting life and love in the Bible? (Matthew 12:1-24) The Word of God says, "When my father and mother forsake me, the Lord shall take me up." (Psalm 27:10) Jesus, the Word of God made flesh, kept his promises, even on the Sabbath. (John 1:1, John 1:14, Numbers 23:19, Isaiah 40:8) This is the greatest complaint against him among our Jewish brethren today.
In this study, I learned that God has always worked on the Sabbath he gave us. (John 5:17, Mark 2:27) It was God that kept manna from spoiling and breeding worms every Sabbath day in the wilderness. (Exodus 16:24) Jesus used King David, and those who served in the Temple as examples and proof of God's will. We are to serve God and support life every day, including the Sabbath. I finished this study wondering if, "a day with the Lord is as a thousand years," was a literal statement. (2 Peter 3:8, Psalm 90:4) I hope that God will be finished making us into our final form when Jesus is ready for his Sabbath rest with his bride. (Psalm 95:6-11, Hebrews 4:1-12, John 3:26-36)
In Jesus' day, it went against Jewish tradition to fast on the Sabbath. Jesus' disciples did not have food to eat. They were not offered a meal by their peers. Instead they accused Jesus' disciples of breaking the Sabbath because they made produce fit to eat by using their hands to take and rub clean the food God gave them. (Deuteronomy 23:25, Matthew 12:1-7)
I believe the only accusation anyone can have against Jesus is over whether or not he really was one with God. There is no doubt in my mind that Jesus spoke the truth of who he was, and it cost his life. (Matthew 26:65, Isaiah 53:12)
I spent quite a bit thinking on this passage, where Jesus was nearly stoned to death before his crucifixion. The scene takes place during Hanukkah, which is also a time when fasting and mourning are not lawful... yet hate and envy seem to be allowed? No wonder we needed a Messiah to change our hearts! (Zechariah 12:10, John 19:34-37)
John 10:22-33 NLT
22 It was now winter, and Jesus was in Jerusalem at the time of Hanukkah, the Festival of Dedication, 23 He was in the Temple, walking through the section known as Solomon's Colonnade. 24 The people surrounded him and asked, "How long are you going to keep us in suspense? If you are the Messiah, tell us plainly." 25 Jesus replied, "I have already told you, and you don't believe me. The proof is the work I do in my Father's name. 26 But you don't believe me because you are not my sheep. 27 My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. 28 I give them eternal life, and they will never perish. No one can snatch them away from me, 29 for my Father has given them to me, and he is more powerful than anyone else. No one can snatch them from the Father's hand. 30 The Father and I are one." 31 Once again the people picked up stones to kill him. 32 Jesus said, "At my Father's direction I have done many good works. For which one are you going to stone me?" 33 They replied, "We're stoning you not for any good work, but for blasphemy! You, a mere man, claim to be God."
How can anyone save people who can't discern between their friends and their enemies? How could people bent on causing death appreciate the life-supporting logic of Jesus?
Jesus' logic made sense to those who realized that "an eye for an eye" would make the whole world blind. They had learned enough about judgment to see their need for mercy.
It was God's love for mercy that drove him to sacrifice for us, Jews and Gentiles alike. May we show one another mercy, by resisting our judgmental, sinful nature. (Hebrews 12:2-4, 1 Corinthians 10:13, Hosea 6:1-6)
Acts 17:30-31 NLT

30 "God overlooked people's ignorance about these things in earlier times, but now he commands everyone everywhere to repent of their sins and turn to him. 31 For he has set a day for judging the world with justice by the man he has appointed, and he proved to everyone who this is by raising Him from the dead."

Scripture references:
Jesus' interpretations of justice and mercy were always in existence. We were not made privy to them because of our human frailty, and our hearts hardened by sin.
Matthew 19:8 NLT

8 Jesus replied, "Moses permitted divorce only as a concession to your hard hearts, but it was not what God had originally intended.

Mark 3:1-5 NLT

1 Jesus went into the synagogue again and noticed a man with a deformed hand. 2 Since it was the Sabbath, Jesus' enemies watched him closely. If he healed the man's hand, they planned to accuse him of working on the Sabbath. 3 Jesus said to the man with the deformed hand, "Come and stand in front of everyone." 4 Then he turned to his critics and asked, "Does the law permit good deeds on the Sabbath, or is it a day for doing evil? Is this a day to save life or to destroy it?" But they wouldn't answer him. 5 He looked around at them angrily and was deeply saddened by their hard hearts. Then he said to the man, "Hold out your hand." So the man held out his hand, and it was restored!

Romans 5:13 NKJV

(For until the law sin was in the world, but sin is not imputed when there is no law.

Even now, the parables reveal things to us that we were not ready to receive when our Lord walked the earth.
John 16:12-15 NLT

12 "There is so much more I want to tell you, but you can't bear it now. 13 When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own but will tell you what he has heard. He will tell you about the future. 14 He will bring me glory by telling you whatever he receives from me. 15 All that belongs to the Father is mine; this is why I said, 'The Spirit will tell you whatever he receives from me.'

We're made in God's image. Every lesson of life we learn, makes us more like Himself. No person stays a child forever.
Psalm 17:15 NKJV

15 As for me, I will see Your face in righteousness; I shall be satisfied when I awake in Your likeness.

Matthew 10:25

“It is enough for a disciple that he be like his teacher, and a servant like his master. If they have called the master of the house Beelzebub, how much more will they call those of his household!

1 Corinthians 13:11-13 NKJV

11 When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. 12 For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known. 13 And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

Jesus, the prophesied Messiah, came to give us a greater, and more glorious law.
Deuteronomy 18:15 NKJV

15 "The LORD your God will raise up for you a Prophet like me from your midst, from your brethren. Him you shall hear,

Acts 3:22 NKJV

22 "For Moses truly said to the fathers, 'The LORD your God will raise up for you a Prophet like me from your brethren. Him you shall hear in all things, whatever He says to you.

Jeremiah 31:31-34 NKJV

31 "Behold, the days are coming, says the LORD, when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel and with the house of Judah-- 32 "not according to the covenant that I made with their fathers in the day that I took them by the hand to lead them out of the land of Egypt, My covenant which they broke, though I was a husband to them, says the LORD. 33 "But this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, says the LORD: I will put My law in their minds, and write it on their hearts; and I will be their God, and they shall be My people. 34 "No more shall every man teach his neighbor, and every man his brother, saying, 'Know the LORD,' for they all shall know Me, from the least of them to the greatest of them, says the LORD. For I will forgive their iniquity, and their sin I will remember no more."

Mankind was not ready to receive the complete law when it was given on Mt. Sinai. Even now, we are being perfected and learning, by the guidance of the Holy Spirit
**Deuteronomy 18:15-19 NLT - 15 Moses continued, "The LORD your God will raise up for you a prophet like me from among your fellow Israelites. You must listen to him. 16 For this is what you yourselves requested of the LORD your God when you were assembled at Mount Sinai. You said, 'Don't let us hear the voice of the LORD our God anymore or see this blazing fire, for we will die.' 17 "Then the LORD said to me, 'What they have said is right. 18 I will raise up a prophet like you from among their fellow Israelites. I will put my words in his mouth, and he will tell the people everything I command him. 19 I will personally deal with anyone who will not listen to the messages the prophet proclaims on my behalf.
1 John 2:27 NLT - 27 But you have received the Holy Spirit, and he lives within you, so you don't need anyone to teach you what is true. For the Spirit teaches you everything you need to know, and what he teaches is true--it is not a lie. So just as he has taught you, remain in fellowship with Christ.
Jesus explained that He didn't come to destroy God's Laws. He also explained how vital it is to keep them.
Matthew 5:17-20

17 "Don't misunderstand why I have come. I did not come to abolish the law of Moses or the writings of the prophets. No, I came to complete them. 18 I tell you the truth, until heaven and earth disappear, not even the smallest detail of God's law will disappear until its purpose is achieved. 19 So if you ignore the least commandment and teach others to do the same, you will be called the least in the Kingdom of Heaven. But anyone who obeys God's laws and teaches them will be called great in the Kingdom of Heaven. 20 "But I warn you--unless your righteousness is better than the righteousness of the teachers of religious law and the Pharisees, you will never enter the Kingdom of Heaven!

Scripture warns us not to "turn to the right hand or the left" from following God's commands. This means not to do more or less than what it says.
Deuteronomy 5:32 NLT

32 So Moses told the people, "You must be careful to obey all the commands of the LORD your God, following his instructions in every detail.

Deuteronomy 17:1 NLT

1 "Never sacrifice sick or defective cattle, sheep, or goats to the LORD your God, for he detests such gifts.

Deuteronomy 28:14 NLT

14 You must not turn away from any of the commands I am giving you today, nor follow after other gods and worship them.

Joshua 23:6 NLT

6 "So be very careful to follow everything Moses wrote in the Book of Instruction. Do not deviate from it, turning either to the right or to the left.

The way Jesus kept the law was a correction of traditions. Jesus used scripture, creation, and miracles to show people the truth.
Under Jesus' glorified laws, we are no longer even allowed to hate, much less murder. We can only keep these laws by the power of the Holy Spirit who changes our hearts.
Matthew 5:43-44 New Covenant: love your enemies, hate their sin.

43 "You have heard the law that says, 'Love your neighbor' and hate your enemy. 44 But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! 45 In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike.

Psalm 139:21-22 Old Covenant: hate those who hate God.

21 O LORD, shouldn't I hate those who hate you? Shouldn't I despise those who oppose you? 22 Yes, I hate them with total hatred, for your enemies are my enemies.

Jesus' corrections of the commandments were scorned in his day. The Sabbath corrections were only well-received by those who knew they needed mercy.
Matthew 12:1-24 NLT

1 At about that time Jesus was walking through some grainfields on the Sabbath. His disciples were hungry, so they began breaking off some heads of grain and eating them. 2 But some Pharisees saw them do it and protested, "Look, your disciples are breaking the law by harvesting grain on the Sabbath." 3 Jesus said to them, "Haven't you read in the Scriptures what David did when he and his companions were hungry? 4 He went into the house of God, and he and his companions broke the law by eating the sacred loaves of bread that only the priests are allowed to eat. 5 And haven't you read in the law of Moses that the priests on duty in the Temple may work on the Sabbath? 6 I tell you, there is one here who is even greater than the Temple! 7 But you would not have condemned my innocent disciples if you knew the meaning of this Scripture: 'I want you to show mercy, not offer sacrifices.' 8 For the Son of Man is Lord, even over the Sabbath!" 9 Then Jesus went over to their synagogue, 10 where he noticed a man with a deformed hand. The Pharisees asked Jesus, "Does the law permit a person to work by healing on the Sabbath?" (They were hoping he would say yes, so they could bring charges against him.) 11 And he answered, "If you had a sheep that fell into a well on the Sabbath, wouldn't you work to pull it out? Of course you would. 12 And how much more valuable is a person than a sheep! Yes, the law permits a person to do good on the Sabbath." 13 Then he said to the man, "Hold out your hand." So the man held out his hand, and it was restored, just like the other one! 14 Then the Pharisees called a meeting to plot how to kill Jesus. 15 But Jesus knew what they were planning. So he left that area, and many people followed him. He healed all the sick among them, 16 but he warned them not to reveal who he was. 17 This fulfilled the prophecy of Isaiah concerning him: 18 "Look at my Servant, whom I have chosen. He is my Beloved, who pleases me. I will put my Spirit upon him, and he will proclaim justice to the nations. 19 He will not fight or shout or raise his voice in public. 20 He will not crush the weakest reed or put out a flickering candle. Finally he will cause justice to be victorious. 21 And his name will be the hope of all the world." 22 Then a demon-possessed man, who was blind and couldn't speak, was brought to Jesus. He healed the man so that he could both speak and see. 23 The crowd was amazed and asked, "Could it be that Jesus is the Son of David, the Messiah?" 24 But when the Pharisees heard about the miracle, they said, "No wonder he can cast out demons. He gets his power from Satan, the prince of demons."

Psalm 27:10

10 Even if my father and mother abandon me, the LORD will take care of me.

God keeps his promises, even on the Sabbath.
John 1:1, 14 NKJV

1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. ... 14 And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we beheld His glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father, full of grace and truth.

Numbers 23:19 NKJV

19 "God is not a man, that He should lie, Nor a son of man, that He should repent. Has He said, and will He not do? Or has He spoken, and will He not make it good?

Isaiah 40:8 NKJV

8 The grass withers, the flower fades, But the word of our God stands forever."

God has always worked on the Sabbath he gave us.
John 5:17 NKJV

17 But Jesus answered them, "My Father has been working until now, and I have been working."

Mark 2:27 NKJV

27 And He said to them, "The Sabbath was made for man, and not man for the Sabbath.

Exodus 16:24 NKJV

24 So they laid it up till morning, as Moses commanded; and it did not stink, nor were there any worms in it.

The rulers of Jesus' day made Sabbath laws that conflicted for the poor. They falsely accused Jesus' followers of harvesting on the Sabbath when they legally took what God provided.
Deuteronomy 23:25 NKJV

25 "When you come into your neighbor's standing grain, you may pluck the heads with your hand, but you shall not use a sickle on your neighbor's standing grain.

Matthew 12:1-7 NKJV

1 At that time Jesus went through the grainfields on the Sabbath. And His disciples were hungry, and began to pluck heads of grain and to eat. 2 And when the Pharisees saw it, they said to Him, "Look, Your disciples are doing what is not lawful to do on the Sabbath!" 3 But He said to them, "Have you not read what David did when he was hungry, he and those who were with him: 4 "how he entered the house of God and ate the showbread which was not lawful for him to eat, nor for those who were with him, but only for the priests? 5 "Or have you not read in the law that on the Sabbath the priests in the temple profane the Sabbath, and are blameless? 6 "Yet I say to you that in this place there is One greater than the temple. 7 "But if you had known what this means, 'I desire mercy and not sacrifice,' you would not have condemned the guiltless.

Some people say Jesus deserved to die for breaking the law. I know that Jesus spoke the truth of who he was, and paid for it with his life.
Matthew 26:62-65 NKJV

62 And the high priest arose and said to Him, "Do You answer nothing? What is it these men testify against You?" 63 But Jesus kept silent. And the high priest answered and said to Him, "I put You under oath by the living God: Tell us if You are the Christ, the Son of God!" 64 Jesus said to him, "It is as you said. Nevertheless, I say to you, hereafter you will see the Son of Man sitting at the right hand of the Power, and coming on the clouds of heaven." 65 Then the high priest tore his clothes, saying, "He has spoken blasphemy! What further need do we have of witnesses? Look, now you have heard His blasphemy!

Isaiah 53:12 NKJV - 12 Therefore I will divide Him a portion with the great, And He shall divide the spoil with the strong, Because He poured out His soul unto death, And He was numbered with the transgressors, And He bore the sin of many, And made intercession for the transgressors.
Jesus was nearly stoned to death before his crucifixion. The account takes place during Hanukkah, a time when fasting and mourning are not lawful... yet hate and envy seem to be allowed? We needed a Messiah to change our hearts!
John 10:22-33 NLT

22 It was now winter, and Jesus was in Jerusalem at the time of Hanukkah, the Festival of Dedication, 23 He was in the Temple, walking through the section known as Solomon's Colonnade. 24 The people surrounded him and asked, "How long are you going to keep us in suspense? If you are the Messiah, tell us plainly." 25 Jesus replied, "I have already told you, and you don't believe me. The proof is the work I do in my Father's name. 26 But you don't believe me because you are not my sheep. 27 My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. 28 I give them eternal life, and they will never perish. No one can snatch them away from me, 29 for my Father has given them to me, and he is more powerful than anyone else. No one can snatch them from the Father's hand. 30 The Father and I are one." 31 Once again the people picked up stones to kill him. 32 Jesus said, "At my Father's direction I have done many good works. For which one are you going to stone me?" 33 They replied, "We're stoning you not for any good work, but for blasphemy! You, a mere man, claim to be God."

Zechariah 12:10 NKJV

“And I will pour on the house of David and on the inhabitants of Jerusalem the Spirit of grace and supplication; then they will look on Me whom they pierced. Yes, they will mourn for Him as one mourns for his only son, and grieve for Him as one grieves for a firstborn.

John 19:34-37 NKJV

34 But one of the soldiers pierced His side with a spear, and immediately blood and water came out. 35 And he who has seen has testified, and his testimony is true; and he knows that he is telling the truth, so that you may believe. 36 For these things were done that the Scripture should be fulfilled, "Not one of His bones shall be broken." 37 And again another Scripture says, "They shall look on Him whom they pierced."

Jesus' logic made sense to those who had seen enough judgment to realize their need for mercy.
God's love drove him to sacrifice for us, Jews and Gentiles alike. May we show one another mercy, by resisting our judgmental, sinful nature.
Hebrews 12:2-4 NKJV

2 looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3 For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls. 4 You have not yet resisted to bloodshed, striving against sin.

1 Corinthians 10:13 NKJV

13 No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.

Hosea 6:1-6 NKJV

1 Come, and let us return to the LORD; For He has torn, but He will heal us; He has stricken, but He will bind us up. 2 After two days He will revive us; On the third day He will raise us up, That we may live in His sight. 3 Let us know, Let us pursue the knowledge of the LORD. His going forth is established as the morning; He will come to us like the rain, Like the latter and former rain to the earth. 4 "O Ephraim, what shall I do to you? O Judah, what shall I do to you? For your faithfulness is like a morning cloud, And like the early dew it goes away. 5 Therefore I have hewn them by the prophets, I have slain them by the words of My mouth; And your judgments are like light that goes forth. 6 For I desire mercy and not sacrifice, And the knowledge of God more than burnt offerings.

Acts 17:30-31 NLT

30 "God overlooked people's ignorance about these things in earlier times, but now he commands everyone everywhere to repent of their sins and turn to him. 31 For he has set a day for judging the world with justice by the man he has appointed, and he proved to everyone who this is by raising Him from the dead."

May God's truth and love permeate our lives and make us more like Him.

My study today was spent defending Jesus as a law-giver and law-keeper. I learned that Jesus' interpretations of justice and mercy were always in existence. We were not made privy to them because of our human frailty, and our hearts hardened by sin. (Matthew 19:8, Mark 3:1-5, Romans 5:13) Even now, the parables reveal things to us that we were not ready to receive when our Lord walked the earth. (John 16:12-15)
We're made in God's image. Every lesson of life we learn, makes us more like Him. As we grow spiritually, we leave behind logic that no longer seems reasonable. (Psalm 17:15, Matthew 10:25, 1 Corinthians 13:11-13)
Jesus, the prophesied Messiah, came to give us a greater, and more glorious law. (Deuteronomy 18:15, Acts 3:22, Jeremiah 31:31-34) Mankind was not ready to receive, much less live out, the fullness of the law when it was given on Mt. Sinai. Even now, we are being perfected and learning, by the guidance of the Holy Spirit. (Deuteronomy 18:15-19, 1 John 2:27) Jesus explained, "I did not come to destroy the law and the prophets, but to fulfill." He also explained how vital it is to keep the whole law. (Matthew 5:17-20)
Throughout the Hebrew scriptures, we are warned not to "turn to the right hand or the left" in keeping the law. (Deuteronomy 5:32, Deuteronomy 17:1, Deuteronomy 28:14, Joshua 23:6) It means not to do more or less than what it says. The way Jesus kept the law (including the Sabbath law) was a correction of the rulers' current practices. Jesus used scripture, creation, and divinely appointed miracles to show people that they were the ones in the wrong.
Most of the laws Jesus explained to us are more easily broken than the law of Moses. We are no longer even allowed to hate, much less murder. (Matthew 5:43-45, Psalm 139:21-22) We can only keep these laws by the power of the Holy Spirit who changes our hearts. God's Holy Spirit makes us people of truth and love.
All Jesus' corrections of the commandments were scorned in his day. Don't you find it strange that Jesus, the Author of Life, is constantly condemned for promoting life and love in the Bible? (Matthew 12:1-24) The Word of God says, "When my father and mother forsake me, the Lord shall take me up." (Psalm 27:10) Jesus, the Word of God made flesh, kept his promises, even on the Sabbath. (John 1:1, John 1:14, Numbers 23:19, Isaiah 40:8) This is the greatest complaint against him among our Jewish brethren today.
In this study, I learned that God has always worked on the Sabbath he gave us. (John 5:17, Mark 2:27) It was God that kept manna from spoiling and breeding worms every Sabbath day in the wilderness. (Exodus 16:24) Jesus used King David, and those who served in the Temple as examples and proof of God's will. We are to serve God and support life every day, including the Sabbath. I finished this study wondering if, "a day with the Lord is as a thousand years," was a literal statement. (2 Peter 3:8, Psalm 90:4) I hope that God will be finished making us into our final form when Jesus is ready for his Sabbath rest with his bride. (Psalm 95:6-11, Hebrews 4:1-12, John 3:26-36)
In Jesus' day, it went against Jewish tradition to fast on the Sabbath. Jesus' disciples did not have food to eat. They were not offered a meal by their peers. Instead they accused Jesus' disciples of breaking the Sabbath because they made produce fit to eat by using their hands to take and rub clean the food God gave them. (Deuteronomy 23:25, Matthew 12:1-7)
I believe the only accusation anyone can have against Jesus is over whether or not he really was one with God. There is no doubt in my mind that Jesus spoke the truth of who he was, and it cost his life. (Matthew 26:65, Isaiah 53:12)
I spent quite a bit thinking on this passage, where Jesus was nearly stoned to death before his crucifixion. The scene takes place during Hanukkah, which is also a time when fasting and mourning are not lawful... yet hate and envy seem to be allowed? No wonder we needed a Messiah to change our hearts! (Zechariah 12:10, John 19:34-37)
John 10:22-33 NLT
22 It was now winter, and Jesus was in Jerusalem at the time of Hanukkah, the Festival of Dedication, 23 He was in the Temple, walking through the section known as Solomon's Colonnade. 24 The people surrounded him and asked, "How long are you going to keep us in suspense? If you are the Messiah, tell us plainly." 25 Jesus replied, "I have already told you, and you don't believe me. The proof is the work I do in my Father's name. 26 But you don't believe me because you are not my sheep. 27 My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. 28 I give them eternal life, and they will never perish. No one can snatch them away from me, 29 for my Father has given them to me, and he is more powerful than anyone else. No one can snatch them from the Father's hand. 30 The Father and I are one." 31 Once again the people picked up stones to kill him. 32 Jesus said, "At my Father's direction I have done many good works. For which one are you going to stone me?" 33 They replied, "We're stoning you not for any good work, but for blasphemy! You, a mere man, claim to be God."
How can anyone save people who can't discern between their friends and their enemies? How could people bent on causing death appreciate the life-supporting logic of Jesus?
Jesus' logic made sense to those who realized that "an eye for an eye" would make the whole world blind. They had learned enough about judgment to see their need for mercy.
It was God's love for mercy that drove him to sacrifice for us, Jews and Gentiles alike. May we show one another mercy, by resisting our judgmental, sinful nature. (Hebrews 12:2-4, 1 Corinthians 10:13, Hosea 6:1-6)
Acts 17:30-31 NLT

30 "God overlooked people's ignorance about these things in earlier times, but now he commands everyone everywhere to repent of their sins and turn to him. 31 For he has set a day for judging the world with justice by the man he has appointed, and he proved to everyone who this is by raising Him from the dead."

Scripture references:
Jesus' interpretations of justice and mercy were always in existence. We were not made privy to them because of our human frailty, and our hearts hardened by sin.
Matthew 19:8 NLT

8 Jesus replied, "Moses permitted divorce only as a concession to your hard hearts, but it was not what God had originally intended.

Mark 3:1-5 NLT

1 Jesus went into the synagogue again and noticed a man with a deformed hand. 2 Since it was the Sabbath, Jesus' enemies watched him closely. If he healed the man's hand, they planned to accuse him of working on the Sabbath. 3 Jesus said to the man with the deformed hand, "Come and stand in front of everyone." 4 Then he turned to his critics and asked, "Does the law permit good deeds on the Sabbath, or is it a day for doing evil? Is this a day to save life or to destroy it?" But they wouldn't answer him. 5 He looked around at them angrily and was deeply saddened by their hard hearts. Then he said to the man, "Hold out your hand." So the man held out his hand, and it was restored!

Romans 5:13 NKJV

(For until the law sin was in the world, but sin is not imputed when there is no law.

Even now, the parables reveal things to us that we were not ready to receive when our Lord walked the earth.
John 16:12-15 NLT

12 "There is so much more I want to tell you, but you can't bear it now. 13 When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own but will tell you what he has heard. He will tell you about the future. 14 He will bring me glory by telling you whatever he receives from me. 15 All that belongs to the Father is mine; this is why I said, 'The Spirit will tell you whatever he receives from me.'

We're made in God's image. Every lesson of life we learn, makes us more like Himself. No person stays a child forever.
Psalm 17:15 NKJV

15 As for me, I will see Your face in righteousness; I shall be satisfied when I awake in Your likeness.

Matthew 10:25

“It is enough for a disciple that he be like his teacher, and a servant like his master. If they have called the master of the house Beelzebub, how much more will they call those of his household!

1 Corinthians 13:11-13 NKJV

11 When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. 12 For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known. 13 And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

Jesus, the prophesied Messiah, came to give us a greater, and more glorious law.
Deuteronomy 18:15 NKJV

15 "The LORD your God will raise up for you a Prophet like me from your midst, from your brethren. Him you shall hear,

Acts 3:22 NKJV

22 "For Moses truly said to the fathers, 'The LORD your God will raise up for you a Prophet like me from your brethren. Him you shall hear in all things, whatever He says to you.

Jeremiah 31:31-34 NKJV

31 "Behold, the days are coming, says the LORD, when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel and with the house of Judah-- 32 "not according to the covenant that I made with their fathers in the day that I took them by the hand to lead them out of the land of Egypt, My covenant which they broke, though I was a husband to them, says the LORD. 33 "But this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, says the LORD: I will put My law in their minds, and write it on their hearts; and I will be their God, and they shall be My people. 34 "No more shall every man teach his neighbor, and every man his brother, saying, 'Know the LORD,' for they all shall know Me, from the least of them to the greatest of them, says the LORD. For I will forgive their iniquity, and their sin I will remember no more."

Mankind was not ready to receive the complete law when it was given on Mt. Sinai. Even now, we are being perfected and learning, by the guidance of the Holy Spirit
**Deuteronomy 18:15-19 NLT - 15 Moses continued, "The LORD your God will raise up for you a prophet like me from among your fellow Israelites. You must listen to him. 16 For this is what you yourselves requested of the LORD your God when you were assembled at Mount Sinai. You said, 'Don't let us hear the voice of the LORD our God anymore or see this blazing fire, for we will die.' 17 "Then the LORD said to me, 'What they have said is right. 18 I will raise up a prophet like you from among their fellow Israelites. I will put my words in his mouth, and he will tell the people everything I command him. 19 I will personally deal with anyone who will not listen to the messages the prophet proclaims on my behalf.
1 John 2:27 NLT - 27 But you have received the Holy Spirit, and he lives within you, so you don't need anyone to teach you what is true. For the Spirit teaches you everything you need to know, and what he teaches is true--it is not a lie. So just as he has taught you, remain in fellowship with Christ.
Jesus explained that He didn't come to destroy God's Laws. He also explained how vital it is to keep them.
Matthew 5:17-20

17 "Don't misunderstand why I have come. I did not come to abolish the law of Moses or the writings of the prophets. No, I came to complete them. 18 I tell you the truth, until heaven and earth disappear, not even the smallest detail of God's law will disappear until its purpose is achieved. 19 So if you ignore the least commandment and teach others to do the same, you will be called the least in the Kingdom of Heaven. But anyone who obeys God's laws and teaches them will be called great in the Kingdom of Heaven. 20 "But I warn you--unless your righteousness is better than the righteousness of the teachers of religious law and the Pharisees, you will never enter the Kingdom of Heaven!

Scripture warns us not to "turn to the right hand or the left" from following God's commands. This means not to do more or less than what it says.
Deuteronomy 5:32 NLT

32 So Moses told the people, "You must be careful to obey all the commands of the LORD your God, following his instructions in every detail.

Deuteronomy 17:1 NLT

1 "Never sacrifice sick or defective cattle, sheep, or goats to the LORD your God, for he detests such gifts.

Deuteronomy 28:14 NLT

14 You must not turn away from any of the commands I am giving you today, nor follow after other gods and worship them.

Joshua 23:6 NLT

6 "So be very careful to follow everything Moses wrote in the Book of Instruction. Do not deviate from it, turning either to the right or to the left.

The way Jesus kept the law was a correction of traditions. Jesus used scripture, creation, and miracles to show people the truth.
Under Jesus' glorified laws, we are no longer even allowed to hate, much less murder. We can only keep these laws by the power of the Holy Spirit who changes our hearts.
Matthew 5:43-44 New Covenant: love your enemies, hate their sin.

43 "You have heard the law that says, 'Love your neighbor' and hate your enemy. 44 But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! 45 In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike.

Psalm 139:21-22 Old Covenant: hate those who hate God.

21 O LORD, shouldn't I hate those who hate you? Shouldn't I despise those who oppose you? 22 Yes, I hate them with total hatred, for your enemies are my enemies.

Jesus' corrections of the commandments were scorned in his day. The Sabbath corrections were only well-received by those who knew they needed mercy.
Matthew 12:1-24 NLT

1 At about that time Jesus was walking through some grainfields on the Sabbath. His disciples were hungry, so they began breaking off some heads of grain and eating them. 2 But some Pharisees saw them do it and protested, "Look, your disciples are breaking the law by harvesting grain on the Sabbath." 3 Jesus said to them, "Haven't you read in the Scriptures what David did when he and his companions were hungry? 4 He went into the house of God, and he and his companions broke the law by eating the sacred loaves of bread that only the priests are allowed to eat. 5 And haven't you read in the law of Moses that the priests on duty in the Temple may work on the Sabbath? 6 I tell you, there is one here who is even greater than the Temple! 7 But you would not have condemned my innocent disciples if you knew the meaning of this Scripture: 'I want you to show mercy, not offer sacrifices.' 8 For the Son of Man is Lord, even over the Sabbath!" 9 Then Jesus went over to their synagogue, 10 where he noticed a man with a deformed hand. The Pharisees asked Jesus, "Does the law permit a person to work by healing on the Sabbath?" (They were hoping he would say yes, so they could bring charges against him.) 11 And he answered, "If you had a sheep that fell into a well on the Sabbath, wouldn't you work to pull it out? Of course you would. 12 And how much more valuable is a person than a sheep! Yes, the law permits a person to do good on the Sabbath." 13 Then he said to the man, "Hold out your hand." So the man held out his hand, and it was restored, just like the other one! 14 Then the Pharisees called a meeting to plot how to kill Jesus. 15 But Jesus knew what they were planning. So he left that area, and many people followed him. He healed all the sick among them, 16 but he warned them not to reveal who he was. 17 This fulfilled the prophecy of Isaiah concerning him: 18 "Look at my Servant, whom I have chosen. He is my Beloved, who pleases me. I will put my Spirit upon him, and he will proclaim justice to the nations. 19 He will not fight or shout or raise his voice in public. 20 He will not crush the weakest reed or put out a flickering candle. Finally he will cause justice to be victorious. 21 And his name will be the hope of all the world." 22 Then a demon-possessed man, who was blind and couldn't speak, was brought to Jesus. He healed the man so that he could both speak and see. 23 The crowd was amazed and asked, "Could it be that Jesus is the Son of David, the Messiah?" 24 But when the Pharisees heard about the miracle, they said, "No wonder he can cast out demons. He gets his power from Satan, the prince of demons."

Psalm 27:10

10 Even if my father and mother abandon me, the LORD will take care of me.

God keeps his promises, even on the Sabbath.
John 1:1, 14 NKJV

1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. ... 14 And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we beheld His glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father, full of grace and truth.

Numbers 23:19 NKJV

19 "God is not a man, that He should lie, Nor a son of man, that He should repent. Has He said, and will He not do? Or has He spoken, and will He not make it good?

Isaiah 40:8 NKJV

8 The grass withers, the flower fades, But the word of our God stands forever."

God has always worked on the Sabbath he gave us.
John 5:17 NKJV

17 But Jesus answered them, "My Father has been working until now, and I have been working."

Mark 2:27 NKJV

27 And He said to them, "The Sabbath was made for man, and not man for the Sabbath.

Exodus 16:24 NKJV

24 So they laid it up till morning, as Moses commanded; and it did not stink, nor were there any worms in it.

The rulers of Jesus' day made Sabbath laws that conflicted for the poor. They falsely accused Jesus' followers of harvesting on the Sabbath when they legally took what God provided.
Deuteronomy 23:25 NKJV

25 "When you come into your neighbor's standing grain, you may pluck the heads with your hand, but you shall not use a sickle on your neighbor's standing grain.

Matthew 12:1-7 NKJV

1 At that time Jesus went through the grainfields on the Sabbath. And His disciples were hungry, and began to pluck heads of grain and to eat. 2 And when the Pharisees saw it, they said to Him, "Look, Your disciples are doing what is not lawful to do on the Sabbath!" 3 But He said to them, "Have you not read what David did when he was hungry, he and those who were with him: 4 "how he entered the house of God and ate the showbread which was not lawful for him to eat, nor for those who were with him, but only for the priests? 5 "Or have you not read in the law that on the Sabbath the priests in the temple profane the Sabbath, and are blameless? 6 "Yet I say to you that in this place there is One greater than the temple. 7 "But if you had known what this means, 'I desire mercy and not sacrifice,' you would not have condemned the guiltless.

Some people say Jesus deserved to die for breaking the law. I know that Jesus spoke the truth of who he was, and paid for it with his life.
Matthew 26:62-65 NKJV

62 And the high priest arose and said to Him, "Do You answer nothing? What is it these men testify against You?" 63 But Jesus kept silent. And the high priest answered and said to Him, "I put You under oath by the living God: Tell us if You are the Christ, the Son of God!" 64 Jesus said to him, "It is as you said. Nevertheless, I say to you, hereafter you will see the Son of Man sitting at the right hand of the Power, and coming on the clouds of heaven." 65 Then the high priest tore his clothes, saying, "He has spoken blasphemy! What further need do we have of witnesses? Look, now you have heard His blasphemy!

Isaiah 53:12 NKJV - 12 Therefore I will divide Him a portion with the great, And He shall divide the spoil with the strong, Because He poured out His soul unto death, And He was numbered with the transgressors, And He bore the sin of many, And made intercession for the transgressors.
Jesus was nearly stoned to death before his crucifixion. The account takes place during Hanukkah, a time when fasting and mourning are not lawful... yet hate and envy seem to be allowed? We needed a Messiah to change our hearts!
John 10:22-33 NLT

22 It was now winter, and Jesus was in Jerusalem at the time of Hanukkah, the Festival of Dedication, 23 He was in the Temple, walking through the section known as Solomon's Colonnade. 24 The people surrounded him and asked, "How long are you going to keep us in suspense? If you are the Messiah, tell us plainly." 25 Jesus replied, "I have already told you, and you don't believe me. The proof is the work I do in my Father's name. 26 But you don't believe me because you are not my sheep. 27 My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. 28 I give them eternal life, and they will never perish. No one can snatch them away from me, 29 for my Father has given them to me, and he is more powerful than anyone else. No one can snatch them from the Father's hand. 30 The Father and I are one." 31 Once again the people picked up stones to kill him. 32 Jesus said, "At my Father's direction I have done many good works. For which one are you going to stone me?" 33 They replied, "We're stoning you not for any good work, but for blasphemy! You, a mere man, claim to be God."

Zechariah 12:10 NKJV

“And I will pour on the house of David and on the inhabitants of Jerusalem the Spirit of grace and supplication; then they will look on Me whom they pierced. Yes, they will mourn for Him as one mourns for his only son, and grieve for Him as one grieves for a firstborn.

John 19:34-37 NKJV

34 But one of the soldiers pierced His side with a spear, and immediately blood and water came out. 35 And he who has seen has testified, and his testimony is true; and he knows that he is telling the truth, so that you may believe. 36 For these things were done that the Scripture should be fulfilled, "Not one of His bones shall be broken." 37 And again another Scripture says, "They shall look on Him whom they pierced."

Jesus' logic made sense to those who had seen enough judgment to realize their need for mercy.
God's love drove him to sacrifice for us, Jews and Gentiles alike. May we show one another mercy, by resisting our judgmental, sinful nature.
Hebrews 12:2-4 NKJV

2 looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3 For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls. 4 You have not yet resisted to bloodshed, striving against sin.

1 Corinthians 10:13 NKJV

13 No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.

Hosea 6:1-6 NKJV

1 Come, and let us return to the LORD; For He has torn, but He will heal us; He has stricken, but He will bind us up. 2 After two days He will revive us; On the third day He will raise us up, That we may live in His sight. 3 Let us know, Let us pursue the knowledge of the LORD. His going forth is established as the morning; He will come to us like the rain, Like the latter and former rain to the earth. 4 "O Ephraim, what shall I do to you? O Judah, what shall I do to you? For your faithfulness is like a morning cloud, And like the early dew it goes away. 5 Therefore I have hewn them by the prophets, I have slain them by the words of My mouth; And your judgments are like light that goes forth. 6 For I desire mercy and not sacrifice, And the knowledge of God more than burnt offerings.

Acts 17:30-31 NLT

30 "God overlooked people's ignorance about these things in earlier times, but now he commands everyone everywhere to repent of their sins and turn to him. 31 For he has set a day for judging the world with justice by the man he has appointed, and he proved to everyone who this is by raising Him from the dead."

May God's truth and love permeate our lives and make us more like Him.

Six minute read *** I was also unable to post this to relationship advice***
So I go to college in CO but am from MN which is where my boyfriend and I met in senior year of highschool. Everything was great, I even moved to CO so that I could go to school near him because he was moving there. Once college started insecurities started to show, after being SA'd by a guy at college he demanded that if I am hanging out with people I have to tell him the names of everyone one there. He also to this day says that I technically cheated on him when I was SA'd because I didn't tell him the name of the guy right away. I've been r*ped for three months in a past relationship so it was an honest trauma reaction when I didn't tell him the name and I told him that. The controlling got worse and worse to the point tha I would be anxious to the point of being nauseous if I hung out with even friends that he knew. If I was asked to go to the club I would have to ask permission which would 100% of the time lead him saying no. I should add that after the SA incident we broke up for three months, I expected to never talk to him again and was really happy being single and free but he wiggled his way back into my life leading to us getting back together. This last winter break I was so done with it, I gathered the courage to have a serious talk about his controlling behavior specifically about him saying I can't go to the club, not because I wanted to go party but because of the fact that he thought he could tell me yes or no. In my mind I was ready to end things based on how he reacted to the talk, but he reacted well and so we stayed together and now I am allowed to go to clubs etc. I also must add that when we are in person hanging out everything is fine, we don't fight, we just chill and have fun. We just don't know how to communicate until things start to boil over because it makes both of us very uncomfortable to talk about issues in our relationship in person (I know that is not good and have been working on it) I do feel that things aren't the same as they used to be, there is a feeling of walking on egg shells around him a good amount of the time, things have been better recently. If one little thing happens he will be crabby and just shut down the rest of the day, even losing a game. When my older sister F(23) came to visit a few weeks ago he said that he would take us to the aquarium, we were getting food at the dining hall at my school and so I went out to his car to invite him to sit with us until we are ready to leave. He was in one of his "moods" and was angry, he just said no and that he will wait for us in his car and then hit the gas and loudly sped away when I was three feet away from him car. Later that night we were all drinking and he admitted with a laugh and smile on his face that he acted like that because he was listening to logics new album or something and "just needed to grind" whatever the fuck that means. My sister was driving in his car alone with him for maybe 15 minutes max. and said that even she felt like she was walking on egg shells and that she understood me now because he would get upset at the smallest things. It honestly just embarrassed me that he couldn't try to be nice around my sister, that just shows me that he doesn't care.
So now to get to the actual story, sorry that I rambled, I am currently visiting my family in MN for two weeks, he is still in CO. A week ago I went to visit one of my only friends from highschool for a sleepover, we went down to eat dinner and when we came back upstairs I saw that I had a missed call from him, I then saw this exact text: "Hey J***a! I miss you a lot right now. I know you're having a fun time out in Minnesota with your friends and your family. I love and care about you very much, I know you know that. It's time to move on from each other. This hurts a lot and I'm shaking while typing this. But I need to fly solo for a while and figure some shit out on my end. " My honest reaction was "I think blank just broke up with me?" My friend was so nice and then asked me how I felt, I honestly didn't feel sad, I was mainly just confused because of how random it was, he was acting completely normal up until then. I tried calling him back but it went straight to voicemail sp I texted him this: "I wish we could've had this talk on the phone. I was eating dinner downstairs when you called. I tried calling but you aren't answering so.
I agree, I feel like we haven't been in love like we used to for a long time, and I think moving on is the best thing for both of us." He never replied the rest of the night. The rest of the night I didn't cry or feel sad, I called my girl friends that I'm living with in CO, after them asking me how I felt and stuff we just started making fun plans for our single girl summer. Every single one of my friends does not like my boyfriend including my sister. They have been telling me to break up with him for months but I am honestly too scared and uncomfortable to, plus things are good when we are hanging out in person so I figured to just not worry about it. The next day my ex snapchatted me asking if we could have a phone call later if that is okay with me, I said sure expecting him to just tell me why he wanted to break up. But instead he said that the night before he saw some old screenshots (from the old SA incident) that made him go into a downward spiral. I will say I said some awful stuff behind his back which was the screenshots he was looking at. He then convinced himself that I had cheated on him and that I didn't actually get assaulted and that all of the times that I studied with my guy friends or hungout with them that we were fucking. So he just sent that text and powered off his phone. I will also say that I have never cheated on him. The next day he woke up and regretted it, he admitted that he also felt nauseous and scared which is think means he was just scared to be alone because we've been together for so long and he doesn't have any IRL friends in CO, so he would've basically been alone. So anyways on the phone the day after breaking up with me he told me why he sent the text and then started talking about how he was sad because he wasn't thinking lastnight, that he was only thinking about the bad things but then started thinking about all of the good times we have had and that that was what made him so sad the next morning. He said he truly loved me and wanted to at least say that he tried to get me back. I was again just very confused and shocked at this information, I tend to feel really bad for people even when they don't deserve it and so when he said he would've regretted this for the rest of his life and that he really loved me I caved and agreed to see if we can work things out. That being said I made sure to let him know that what he did was really shitty and not normal, and that it of course hurt me the way he went about it all. I have been telling him that he needs to go back to therapy for a year and he kept saying no, so on the phone I told him that if I'm even going to consider getting back with him he is going to get therapy. I know that may be shitty and I don't like telling people what to do but that is honestly what I think he needs if we even have a chance at getting better as a couple. At this time we are also planning to see eachother when I get back to CO to have an in-person talk about a lot of stuff. I told him that we can "stay together" but that I need time to think and I don't want to be official until I see major amount of change from him. Which historically has never really happened or the changes he made he eventually let slip and went back to his old ways which were toxic.
So now I am here, not sure what to think. I have been trying to really think about what I want and how I feel without thinking about his feelings but it's been really hard. We agreed to reconvene and see if things are better at the end of the summer, allowing him time to work on himself. But I don't know if I want to do that. I feel like things won't change, only because they haven't in the past when he said that they would. I also don't know how to end things if I were to.
If you were me what would you honestly do? It's hard to end such a long relationship.

[Let me know if a chapter a week is okay; I'm thinking it might be a bit too often. Run Zero: https://redd.it/1csb71x Run One: https://redd.it/1cwxbsg]
The mining foreman refused to go to sleep, and watched intently as Tightniks finally reached over and set it home with one hand. Its last nervous little sigh was the only thing he remembered-
The ship is without power, and Tightniks can't run the radar much without draining the batteries...
32s: First trap.
He built it big this time, and there are six trimps in there. They look familiar somehow, the light one with dark hair and an unusually short and broad tail compared to the rest, a big-eared green one, a grey one, a yellow one, and a red one with big paws and "XIII" on its rump, and a brown one with pink ears that takes the lead and cheers, "Kakka!" Once he lets them out, they all follow him intently around like just-hatched birds do their mother. He shows them the busted off cockpit and forward cabin of the ship he just crashed and they get inside and start da- ...nope, sticking with "dancing". He busies himself looking for the survival pad.
Until he hears the squeak of a baby trimp. They're feeding it- ...rocks. Carefully selected, aluminate rocks. What the heck are they doing? Whatever, I've got to get some conventional food for- What's that? He's got the survival pad already, but this was outside the ship, it must have materialized when he descended through that glowing grey mist getting out. He gets it flipped over and turned on.
"Manual portal activation 2 successful:" it displays, "rare shield equipped 54%Stg 14%Atk MT 0 Nu loaded / 399 He loaded / Metal challenge active / Total portal activation 956"
Metal challenge? The human selects it.
"You have the Metal challenge active. Tweak the portal to bring you to an alternate reality, where the concept of Miners does not exist, to force yourself to become frugal with equipment crafting strategies. If you complete The Dimension Of Anger without disabling the challenge, miners will re-unlock."
He's so confused, What the Loy is a Dimension of Anger? I think I have a headache from this high gravity. Sits down for a moment.
Notices that one of the trimps is sleeping in a small deep hole just at the edge of the garden, apparently to have a nap in standing upright.
I don't believe you, "portal". I'm training that one first chance I get!
56s: Pop full.
There are ten of them already?? I'm still working this derpy little potato patch to get enough food to bulk up just ONE of the- He looks at the portal pad and blurts out loud, "Fifty-six SECONDS??" He postulates that he's in a time-dilated environment, and that the portal is measuring time somewhere "out there", this "map frame" environment. It's like those Star Trek episodes he can't remember "Wink of an Eye" and "Blink of an Eye" that he can't quite remember. [One of them is Star Trek TOS, and one of them is Star Trek: Voyager and I forget which one came from where.]
1m57s: Arable in Z1c13.
The human walks along and one of the trimps viciously fights the various hostiles that try to come at him, staying ahead. Just behind, he finds that hole-digger busted into a cave big enough for 9 of them, and they start raising babies to fill it up.
3m37s: Miners in Z1c30.
It's broken! he notices of the data card he just picked up. It's one of the ones that flew out of the ship when he undogged the ship's side hatch, but it didn't survive. What was on it? He's got a vague memory of a big tanuki-tailed trimp, much bigger than the- Wait! This memory is of hole-digger all grown up. So this is- he looks at the smashed data card in his hand, ...this is the Miners card. At least there's some lying about so we're not totally deprived of metal.
That's odd. I'm sure I spent longer training this little guy than "one second map frame." The human looks at the black trimp with the grey head fur and silvery eyes, "So, can you say something yet?"
"Shijou." [Takane and Takanya are not black, it is their favorite clothing color.]
"Okay, can you say something else?"
9m12s: Zone 1, 40 pop, 3.5s RC with Z0/1, 13m19s turkimp. 12m55s: First scientist.
"Tai," his first scientist waves at him.
"Hmm," the human tries to think of a better test, "What color is the sky?"
"Shijou." The exasperated human is about to sigh in despair when he notices a card in its hands, with one word on it, "Blue."
"What?" he takes it, "You can't speak but you can write, huh?"
"Shijou," it twirls its paw off the end of the card in his hand. The human turns it over, and in small writing, it has "Technically, the sky isn't blue, it's a foible of Rayleigh scattering in an oxygen/nitrogen atmosphere. And you have 'TIGHTNIKS' embroidered on the left side of your uniform."
A look of astonishment sweeps over the human. I never taught it about Rayleigh scattering. Apparently, the scientist training has unlocked its brain to access the collected knowledge of a previous life! Then he looks at his uniform and groans, spanking his eyebrows in realization. The trimp had apparently noticed him wandering around the camp wracking his brain and talking to himself trying to remember his own name, and it's right there the whole time! He spanks his eyebrows again.
The very well fed grey-headed trimp starts doing experiments, leaving him to take the turkimp back to his farmers. Too bad it's only a quarter as fast at it as he is.
32m25s: Zone 3, 79 pop, 4.5s RC with Z1/2; c16, 79 pop, 6.8s RC with Z2/3.
"Nano! Nano, nano, nano." The D&B (that's dodge and block) foreman has an impressive yellow mane, light face, green body, and brown hind limbs, and moves like a blur when it decides to. When asleep, it's as unarousable as an exhumed fossil, except with the food article Yellow the scientist calls an "owny geary". [Puchim@s Afuu]
Helping it out is a brown-maned white trenching expert Tightniks finds oddly familiar. It has no problem mining, but couldn't start a fire if its life depended on it, so smelting is out of the question.
I guess that's how the Metal challenge really works. Too bad I suck at it. Tightniks is spending all his smelting time smacking out nails and joist hangers for the houses, and has nothing left for fighting gear.
1h53m25s: Zone 9, 306 pop, 7.9s RC with Z8/15, no turkimp.
The white trimp with the brown head fur- ...whichever one it is because it, or one that looks just like it, sometimes (apparently) burns itself up or blows itself up trying to build a metallurgical furnace. This one is digging a hole right now, into the concrete of some ruined building's foundation. It hits some strapping and rebar, makes a happy sound, follows it along and gets it sorta clear of the concrete bonded to it, and rips it out of the ground to throw on the metal pile. It now seems content to do that instead of trying to smelt ores.
"Red?" Tightniks glances at one of his scientists, "Do you think we could take it to- What's that place you said you visited five hundred years after some misty fight or-"
"Cloudy strife," it says, "Yeah, Midgimp is like that, we could probably map a route through there. Lots of metal. Especially the part that had an avalanche happen and fell down. Broke all that stuff out of the ground already." [Final Fantasy VII and Advent Children cinematic and Sector 7 collapse.]
"Okay," Tightniks says, "Let's do that."
5h32m02s: Zone 21, 2042 pop, 14.9s RC with Z20/232, no turkimp.
"Ooooookay," Tightniks growls, "There is something off about this thing."
"Shijou?" the grey one looks at the yellow one with concern about their human starship pilot friend.
The human stoops, picks up the little green gem on the ridge between Zone 20 and 21, looks at it, huffs, and asks, "Any idea where this comes from?"
"Err..." the red one seems hesitant to say, "I think you made it."
"Really?" the human huffs, "How could that be?" Then he tosses it at Red, "See if anything reacts to it. It might be radioactive, so we should take turns to minimize exposure."
"Really?" Red's holding it now, "What makes you say that?"
"Because I'm pissed off for no reason I can figure out," the human says, "I think it's coming from-" he gasps, "Waitamint!" He starts searching for the portal pad.
"Frags," the red one says quickly, "I think it's arranging a route. You're good with maps," it tosses the gem to the grey scientist.
The human has his portal pad up and reads aloud, "You have the Metal challenge active. Tweak the portal to- yada yada yada. Tiss tiss t- complete The Dimension Of Anger without disabling- miners will re-unlock."
\BOOM\** They turn to see (another of) the white brown-haired trimp'/s' attempts at a metallurgical furnace explode, and it seems both very frustrated and has really hurt its toe.
He snaps his fingers, "That's gotta be it. Although, does it mean 'miners' or 'furnaces'?" He re-reads the portal pad while the scientists shrug.
"Shijou," the grey one has just finished tracing the route map the gem was showing.
"Are we going any faster than on previous cycles, you think?" he asks Red.
"What's a cycle?" Red asks.
"We're stuck in time loop, you realize?" the human says.
"Well," the yellow one jumps off a little rock spire it was using to see farther ahead, directly into a seated position on the ground with an impressive thump the human can both hear with his ears and feel through the ground of the more-than-Earth gravity planet, "that explains a few things." The little scientist trimp seems quite morose at the news.
"This thing says the fastest we've ever got this 'anger' map done is ten hours, thirty-five, but the clock right now is at five hours, thirty-four." Tightniks tilts his head, frowns one eyebrow, and taps, "Getting it done faster increases attack damage somehow, and oh-"
"What now?" the yellow one asks, still seated beside the spire.
"It says we already got a 2.5%-er for having a million traps," the human says, "I don't remember doing that. Maybe..." he sighs, "Maybe that's a good thing, 'cus I'd probably go insane building them all. Still though, it says we're going faster, but it doesn't feel like it."
"How'd you know how it feels," Red asks, "if you don't remember it?"
"'Day jaw voo' I think is the term," the human says, "or something. The sense that all this has happened before, but I'm not quite remembering and there's no physical evidence of it."
"Shijooooooooooo..." the grey one moans, waving a card at him. On it:
"In order, but we don't know if that means chronological order or frequency/proportion of memories:
"- The ship crashes (pretty sure that happens every time) "- The human builds huts "- The human teaches some trimps to speak and do science "- The human builds houses "- The human makes maps "- The human builds mansions "- The human blows up and gets himself killed somewhere around Z17 to Z21, often on a dragimp "- The human only recently/occasionally builds hotels "- The human only recently/rarely tamed a dragimp "- The human only recently/rarely mapped the Dimension of Anger"
Tightniks sits down and offers it back.
"Tai," it flatly refuses to take it back, paws up and eyes closed.
"It's kind of a relief," Tightniks rubs his temples, then looks at it again, "knowing it ain't just me."
6h17m43s: Portal PB, 1% AP for sub-8h, 45 He, 7.149 He/hr, 2209 pop, 13.6s RC.
The last head of the map's boss monster goes limp as one of the fighting trimps' dagger points goes into it, and the huge thing settles on its tail, resting on the package that seems to be the prize of this map. And there's a popping sound, and then something mechanical.
Is that a scroll compressor? Tightniks looks at the package. The deflating monster's lifting envelope material drapes over everything underneath it. "Yellow, Shijou!" he snaps and points, "roll up that side of it. Keep this part from sucking down on the extractor nozzle!"
All ten of the scientists jump in, literally, pushing the gas in the bag towards the compressor. Tightniks as well, rolling up the front.
Until he kicks, and nearly trips over, a smaller package that might be the explanation for the reason why the center of the monster's defense seemed to be a little away from the big package he could see. It's in the right place, he realizes. He gets it uncovered and reads stenciled-and-sprayed block letters on it:
"DT TIME PORTAL / THIS SIDE DOWN"
Perhaps the Dimension of Anger is so named because of the rage suddenly rising up in Tightniks' throat. It isn't so much as the free-floating aggression suddenly has an answer, there is definitely a fresh batch of rage and anger as he grips the nearest Dagger V, Mark 2 with both hands-
Refocusing on surviving the next few seconds, the pilot turns on the radar for the final approach and takes a last look around, then straight ahead at his forward camera and primary flight display...
He crouches, sets the dagger down gently, then starts clearing the debris from the box's grab iron. He tries to lift it- Damn, this is heavy! As he gets it turned over, gravity finishes the job, and it shakes the ground with an impressive thud as it falls right side up.
"DT TIME PORTAL / THIS SIDE UP" There's a square cutout in the middle of one side of it, with a sliding cover at the bottom of it.
"Get the pad!" he screams, seeing that his scientists are almost done rolling up the megablimp.
The grey one already has the survival data pad and offers it to him.
"The big one," Tightniks clarifies, "The big one." he picks up wide flat rainbow cable and its edge socket in one hand, "It goes here," he points at it with the other. "It must have come with me-" He had taken the small survival data pad and notices something, "Oh?" He starts looking around, "Hey!"
The white trimp with the brown hair is napping in a hole next to the smouldering remains of its latest attempt at a smelting furnace.
"Hey, mining buddy!" he whistles at it, "Mining buddy!"
It wakes with a start and rushes over, but doesn't seem to be in a good mood. But as soon as Tightnik shows it the survival pad, with all of the mining data installed just as if all those broken data cards and scorched scrolls were intact when he found them, fireworks goes off in the little trimp's eyes and it rushes off with the pad. Within minutes, the first furnace that works is chugging away at some ore and it returns to give the survival data pad back to Tightniks.
7h24m49s: Fresh turkimp; 7h25m30s: Labor reallocated.
The big-eared green lumber foreman's mood fell much further than the mining foreman's mood was before Tightniks packed up the turkimp roaster and moved just about everyone over to the smeltery.
The brown-haired, big-tailed white mining foreman was surprised at the change, and very happy. It had climbed up onto the helium compressor cart to check something on the pad a couple cells into the zone.
"Are you upset with me?" the red one asks the human.
"No, not at all," Tightniks says, "Are you getting the feeling that we had an upset at this point last cycle?"
"How would you know it was only the last?" Yellow asks, "Your memory's no better than ours."
"Right," the human sews another patch into his uniform, "However, I've only actually hit the switch on the portal twice, the first one on a challenge called Discipline, and the second on a challenge called Metal, which we just finished. It's easy to sort out from the statistics. I'm nervous it'll get harder to sort out when we're up to, oh," done fixing his uniform, he pops a bit of turkimp into his mouth and chews a couple times, "a few dozen or hundred manual cycles."
"Friggin' solve this faster than that, please," Red grumbles, "I know the emergency counter got to nearly a thousand, but..." he kinda trails off. Finally, he says, "I think we're remembering more cycle to cycle as we get more helium into it. I mean, I'm glad that isn't the only mechanic."
"Can't miss the supernova if it is," the human ponders.
"What?" Yellow chuckles.
"I'm remembering something from before all this, I think it was called a video game, where you'd go forward real-world in the simulation of a time loop, and your real-life head remembering what you did on previous cycles was the only mechanic," the human takes another bite, then dons his uniform shirt while chewing it. After his head pops out of the not-so-crisp-and-fresh uniform neck hole, buttons still done up, he finishes, "one of them had a supernova." [That would be Outer Wilds among the bunch of games with this mechanic, er, Minnit (I know it's spelled differently than "minute"), 12 Minutes, The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask, and- ...I'm sure there are more.]
11h19m28s: Starting void 1 (L30).
With the thermal gloves on, Tightniks gets the void map into the portal device slot. It dematerializes and his fingers close where it used to be in his hands, then he yelps, stands up and starts dancing, "Oh crap, it's cold!" He quickly starts looking for stuff to bundle up. Once not too uncomfortable, he notices something, "You're having trouble, too?"
"No," Yellow and Red look at each other, "Well, not with the cold; this route has a poisonous atmosphere, slows down our young assimilating aluminum at the proper rate."
"Manning the traps will work at full speed, right?" Tightniks says.
"Should if your fingers can handle it," Red confirms.
11h33m57s: Void 1c100.
"You are one ugly muthaf[garble]!" he says when he sees the void boss, "Stay here, I'll be back." Runs some traps, grabs a couple helmets for the fresh volunteers, "Put these on."
"Shijou?" the grey one looks at the red one, really rather perplexed.
"I agree, that's not his usual accent," Red tilts his head, "Tightniks, what has gotten in to you?"
"Stop cheering me up," the human grumbles, "You think this is the real Quaid?"
"I think the cold is affecting him more than he realizes," Yellow offers.
"Phased plasma rifle in the forty watt range," but what the dizzy pilot actually throws at the zone boss is a Mace V-4, "and then I was thinking of breaking your neck."
[Felt like some- "Arnie? Well, the union is pulling out all the big guns today, huh?" (Tom Hanks as Sully) ...no, brain, Arnold Schwarzenegger, not Arnie Gentile (it was really funny to background Sully and listen to that line instead of "That's definitely you" in Terminator 2 while he's posing with the Minigun.) Arnie lines from Predator, Terminator 2, True Lies, Total Recall and The Terminator.]
"Tweak the portal," reads Tightniks from the portal controller aloud, but quietly, "to bring you to an alternate reality, where Trimps are bigger and stronger, to force yourself to figure out a way to build larger housing. Your Trimps will gather 50% more resources, but your housing will fit 50% fewer Trimps. If you complete The Dimension of Anger without disabling the challenge, your stats will return to normal."
"You will also open a new memory coolant unit," Yellow reads, "You think that'll cause a housing bonus?"
"Shijou," the grey one hands him a card saying "We have enough for another gateway."
"Oh, good," Tightniks hands it back after signing it, "Yes, build it."
"We're doing that next?" Yellow asks.
Tightniks sees the little fellow sitting on top of a mound that the human thought was a bowel movement pile from Draglimp, but it must be something more geological if trimps can climb it, let alone want to. "Yeah, I guess," the human answers, "It kinda scares me, I mean I'm going back, but what happens to you guys?"
"We have too much day javo or whatever you called it," Red says. He's usually on all fours, shakes his left hind leg as though something got stuck to his foot, "This isn't incrementing, I'm sure. 13 is less than 956."
"According to this, you'll be twice as big," Tightniks sets down the portal controller pad and stands up from the cart, "It's hard to imagine, especially for Shijou and Diggy. We'll clear thirty-six, that's it."
14h04m37s: Z33c95, IC.
"Are you sure we can make Zone 37 start?" the red one asks.
The yellow one is standing on Red's shoulders.
"It said we did last time," Tightniks taps on the crude leather bag strapped to his back, the portal pad inside it, "though maybe..." he tilts his head, rolls whatever he was sucking on in his mouth for a moment, "it just happened while I was building those traps. No, I'm sticking with that plan."
"If it's going to take that long," Red grinds its jaws sideways for a moment and lets its eyelids get lazy, frustration clear in its tone, "why do it again?"
"Because I've got a bad feeling about this 'Size' thing," Tightniks says, "it drops our resourcing by 75% assuming we build the same amount of housing as before, which we won't because of the reduced resourcing. We needed 65 capacity in the cabin and huts before we could do run the gypsum/paper wall machine we found. I have a funny feeling that never changes."
"We don't need 65 trimps to run it," Yellow says, "just three."
"Yeah," Tightniks says, "but a particular three that know what they're doing, and my day javoo is telling me the last of those is always the sixty-fifth."
"Shijou," the grey one moans from the other side of Tightniks. Didn't have a note this time, just kicking a little rock along as it walks.
"It thinks you're right," the red one growls forlornly, "Hating to say it, but I do too."
14h16m06s: Skel in c1, 50 bones purchased whipimp.
There's a thump at the cart, and then some commotion around it that's noticable enough for Tightniks to come over and take a look. The bone box is empty, all forty-nine titanium bones in it are gone. Tightiks brings his right hand up in front of him, and it's just a balled fist, the bone he was holding a moment ago is gone. As he starts looking for where he must have dropped it, he realizes maybe it's all related. Looking in the bottom of the empty bone box, he finds a note.
"I got you the whipimp. This new Bad Guy will begin spawning in your next zone at an average of 3 spawns per 100 enemies. I hope it helps, but I can't tell yet."
The note is in Tightniks' own handwriting, although lazy but with more consistent kerning. Is this from an older version of myself? Friggin' time travel.
14h18m48s: This L34 moun 160/27/79 calls itself "Magical Mountain" - I can't remember whether the Disney trademark is that or "Magic Mountain" ...I've seen a "Black Mesa" before, that's a Half-Life thing, and somebody on Reddit made pretend that "Dank Hill" was a King of the Hill thing (which is actually *Hank Hill, I think - it's hard to remember, it wasn't very good and I haven't watched it since the 1990s.)
19h32m00s: Doom/AT, 12816 pop, 80N, 37.7s RC with Z34/5298.
"Okay, we got that friggin' thing chocked," Yellow wipes its brow and almost bonks itself with the Mace VI-2 that it's holding, puts it down and makes sure the wedges are secure.
Grey, Red, and Green are packing more stuff around the huge boulder that chased them down a tunnel to make sure it doesn't do that again.
"Getting any day javoo?" Tightniks pants, hands on his knees, but apparently uninjured, or nearly so.
"Not at all," Yellow vehemently responds, slashing the air with its paw, "You?"
"Oh," Tightniks gets his breathing under control, "I think it was a human movie."
"Like a video on that pad?" it gestures at the human's pocket with the small one.
"No, a bigger screen," the human says.
"Fifty-five inches?" the trimp scientist chuckles.
"More like fifty-five feet," the human rubs the sweat out of his eyes, "Lots of people watching. It was called a sin."
"Ah," the trimp ponders, "Like a crime, vice, psychopathy or bad habit?"
"Er..." the human taps his forehead trying to remember, "Sorry, a cinema."
[The whole thing is obviously an homage to something I remember only slightly better than Tightniks, I think it was Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. As I'm posting this, I sadly realize that Nick Rekieta's arrest was between when I wrote this and now.]
19h58m55s: Zone 37, 473 He, 23.67 He/hr, 13088 pop, 81N, 32.1s RC with Z34/5298, 2806 pop short, no turkimp.
The ship is without power, and Tightniks can't run the radar much without draining the batteries...

With the surging success of Thrones of Decay and the recent positive news regarding Pharaoh, I'm honestly looking for a enjoyable project to ponder throughout the weekdays before heading home to work on my latest campaign. As such, I'm pleased to announce the introduction of The Newcomer's Guide to Army Composition, a multi-part series featuring effective generic and themed builds for each race within TWW3.
Every few days (ideally), I'll drop a different breakdown of a specific race's generic lord/hero/unit roster with effective, dynamic ways to fill out an army. Overall, these army composition recommendations hold to three core doctrines:

• Form follows function...these armies are designed to win battles, and the opportunity cost of utilizing a 'cool' unit over another 'less cool' unit means a great deal when we're talking about the defense of your empire. You know what's cool? Winning, and winning consistently and effectively.
  
• Cost-Effectiveness...we're not here to break the bank, and we're certainly not building 'doomstack' clones (seriously not fun). Great army compositions have layers with a variety of backfill options available...you can't always afford the highest level in every category for every army, so the name of the game is cost-effectiveness.
  
• Flexibility...if you take one thing away from this guide, I hope this tops out your list: variation, flexibility and durability are the saving graces of the best army compositions. I’ll admit that opponent specialization has certain advantages, but generally speaking, I despise the idea of sitting around for ‘X’ amount of turns globally recruiting the ideal niche unit designed to defeat [insert race here]. Instead, I find a force capable of challenging virtually every race much more useful in the mid-game and down the stretch of long campaigns.
  

Alright, on to the good stuff…first up, a personal favorite: the Dawi.
While I personally recruit based on the legendary lord and which advantages they provide certain units, whether that's through their unique trait or via their unique skill line, my goal with this breakdown remains typical army compositions for non-legendary lords...here's how I approach a relatively generic build:

• First and foremost, pick yourself a lord type...the generic lord is really solid, the runelord serves as more of a support specialist and the new daemonslayer offers a extremely different melee approach. Unless you're building a slayer-themed army, I'd generally suggest one of the first two as the daemonslayer truly works best when utilizing a good number of slayer units. Total Units: 1/20
  
• Next, and I've found this is an unpopular decision on this forum, I utilize a strict one hero per army rule with a few minor exceptions (VC, for example). I also offset my lord choice with a hero of opposite specialization...so a runesmith would pair well with a dwarf lord while a thane works perfectly with the runelord. The master engineer slots in well with both, so just modulate your needs accordingly. And if you're the type who prefers more heroes, throw in one of each, all three are excellent. I'll note that the new dragonslayer is also quite brilliant, really knows how to take on large entities and a great option to throw into the mix as well, especially if you're going to be fighting tomb kings, dark elves, greenskins, etc. Total Units: 2/20
  
• Six frontline infantry designed to hold the line...these traditionally are well armored and shielded and just generally stay alive. They aren't your damage dealers and they aren't designed to generate kills...they hold the line to ensure your actual killers have time and space to do their job. Start off with Dwarf Warriors (easily the best Tier 0 unit out there) before upgrading to Longbeards and, finally, Ironbreakers. The latter offer some excellent punch with their short-range explosive toss, excellent in the late game against heavily-armored troops such as Warriors of Chaos or the Dawi-Zharr. Total Units: 8/20
  
• Behind your frontline, you need two kinds of damage dealers: ranged and melee. First up, let's talk about the ranged units...Thunderers are the way to go, bar none. I'd argue both variants -- the traditional and the grudge-rakers -- are exceptional, with the latter maybe being slightly better due to a quicker reload time. The traditional have slightly better range and accuracy, though, so there's some trade-off. My go-to from now on will be two of each, to be honest. If you’re a bit strapped for cash, quarrelers are always a solid choice, plus you can run some simpler formations as those crossbows shoot up and over your frontline units. Total Units: 12/20
  
• Now you need some hard-hitting melee, and fortunately you have some options. Hammerers were the original choice on this front, but with the addition of doomseekers, it's a bit more of a toss-up. The question you have to ask yourself is survivability...hammerers, with their high armor and high numbers (100 per unit), will hold up in most fights. Doomseekers with their zero armor and lower numbers (32 per unit) don't have that advantage. That said, doomseekers have some sick animations and way outclass the hammerers in their general stats (better MA, MD and charge bonus), so it's still a bit of a toss-up. I bring two total to help my frontline with particularly tough enemies, and with both offering magical damage, ensure targets consistent of the undead or daemonic, when applicable. When you’re cost-strapped, look to the great weapon variants of long wards and dwarf warriors. Total Units: 14/20
  
• Not much of a Dawi force without some artillery...the usual approach on here tends to be an overwhelming amount in this category, but I honestly think two total truly works perfectly within most armies. Start off with grudge throwers before upgrading to cannons and then organ guns and flame cannons. Full honesty, I’m completely sold on the new flame cannons…they absolutely melt most units, and with a Rune of Seeking, full on chef’s kiss my friends. Pair with an accurate damage-dealer such as organ guns and you’ll have enemies severely crippled well before reaching your infantry frontline...that'll do nicely. Total Units: 16/20
  
• Moving on to war machines...these are the units you'll need to micro during battles to get the most impact, so just prepare for that inevitability. Prior to ToD and the 5.0 patch, the unit of choice was the gyrobomber, but I've honestly been forced to reassess a bunch the past couple weeks. First off, the Thunderbarge is a no-brainer, grab one of those as soon as you can (assuming you can afford it)...just float that sucker over the enemy army within range of your thunderers (for protection) and it'll take care of virtually anything. Second, the gyrobomber is still great, and it's a solid option for harassment, but I really appreciate the utility of the gyrocopter (brimstone guns)...they mop the floor with a heavy majority of opposing ranged options, freeing up your thunderers and Thunderbarge to focus on the opposing frontline. Mix-and-match between the gyrocopters and the gyrobombers for best results, but I've found just one with a thunderbarge to work really well. Total Units: 18/20
  
• Finally, the flex positions...I tend to slot in some anti-cavalry units for these two final spots, just to ensure my artillery doesn't get ravaged by boar riders or the like. Surprisingly, Bugman's Rangers work exceptionally well in this hole...they have this under-the-radar 'Charge Defense Against Large' ability that makes them ideal for taking on cavalry, and up until the point they get charged, they're a solid missle unit as well (same effectiveness as a quarreler). However, my favorite unit for these two spots are Irondrakes (Trollhammer Torpedoes)...they crush it against large entities, can hold their own in melee for a decent amount of time due to their armor and just generally look super cool. Total Units: 20/20
  

A Slayer-Themed Composition
As promised, I also included a great slayer build that I have come to enjoy tremendously:

• Daemonslayer for the lord slot…a must-have for this composition, feels strange to run anything else. Total Units: 1/20
  
• Dragonslayer in the hero position…again, a must-have, and truly excellent as a single-entity killer. Total Units: 2/20
  
• Doomseekers…prior to the addition of these beasts of the battlefield, slayers were entirely focused as anti-large specialists. Doomseekers changed that entire dynamic, and I recommend running six of these gems as your ‘frontline’ for this comp…a bit expensive, sure, but if you’re building themed armies, you’re already rich. Total Units: 8/20
  
• Giantslayers…still the anti-large champ in regards to slayers, and highly-effective on your flanks protecting your doomseekers from cavalry charges and monstrous infantry. I personally grab four, two on each end to ensure the integrity of my frontline. Total Units: 12/20
  
• Slayer Pirates…an extremely fun unit with some late-game purpose in this composition: ranged firepower with a bit of flanking capability. Like I noted earlier, I appreciate flexibility on the campaign map, and the last thing you want to run into with a themed stack is a couple enemy units virtually untouchable by your forces. Slayer Pirates solve that problem well as your anti-flying shield, and when that need isn’t as ‘needed,’ per se, they make solid flankers with excellent armor-piercing ranged ammo. I bring four for safety. Total Units: 16/20
  
• Goblin Hewers…not exactly my favorite of the slayer units, but definitely fun in the right context and against any lord boasting a large mount. I toss in a pair to absolutely delete enemy leadership or large single-entity monsters, and they’re the type of ‘artillery’ you never have to worry about since they’re manned by another couple dozen slayers…cavalry charges need not apply. Total Units: 18/20
  
• And finally, a few Gyrocopters (Brimstone Guns)…I know, I know, not technically slayers, and while you may be absolutely correct, the advantage of a pair of brimstone copters takes root in their capability taking out ranged units. Slayers, as we all know, sprint into battle sporting zero armor, making them vulnerable to even the sloppiest of archers. In steps a pair of brimstone guns, and suddenly you’ve got very little ranged to worry about plus some post-battle barbecue options for your surviving slayer comrades. Total Units: 20/20
  

Enjoy the Dawi, they are an absolute blast to play with now, and I highly recommend experimenting with some of their mid-tier units as well as virtually all variants of grudge settlers…the flame cannons and trollhammer copters are unreal out in the field.

Six minute read
So I go to college in CO but am from MN which is where my boyfriend and I met in senior year of highschool. Everything was great, I even moved to CO so that I could go to school near him because he was moving there. Once college started insecurities started to show, after being SA'd by a guy at college he demanded that if I am hanging out with people I have to tell him the names of everyone one there. He also to this day says that I technically cheated on him when I was SA'd because I didn't tell him the name of the guy right away. I've been r*ped for three months in a past relationship so it was an honest trauma reaction when I didn't tell him the name and I told him that. The controlling got worse and worse to the point tha I would be anxious to the point of being nauseous if I hung out with even friends that he knew. If I was asked to go to the club I would have to ask permission which would 100% of the time lead him saying no. I should add that after the SA incident we broke up for three months, I expected to never talk to him again and was really happy being single and free but he wiggled his way back into my life leading to us getting back together. This last winter break I was so done with it, I gathered the courage to have a serious talk about his controlling behavior specifically about him saying I can't go to the club, not because I wanted to go party but because of the fact that he thought he could tell me yes or no. In my mind I was ready to end things based on how he reacted to the talk, but he reacted well and so we stayed together and now I am allowed to go to clubs etc. I also must add that when we are in person hanging out everything is fine, we don't fight, we just chill and have fun. We just don't know how to communicate until things start to boil over because it makes both of us very uncomfortable to talk about issues in our relationship in person (I know that is not good and have been working on it) I do feel that things aren't the same as they used to be, there is a feeling of walking on egg shells around him a good amount of the time, things have been better recently. If one little thing happens he will be crabby and just shut down the rest of the day, even losing a game. When my older sister F(23) came to visit a few weeks ago he said that he would take us to the aquarium, we were getting food at the dining hall at my school and so I went out to his car to invite him to sit with us until we are ready to leave. He was in one of his "moods" and was angry, he just said no and that he will wait for us in his car and then hit the gas and loudly sped away when I was three feet away from him car. Later that night we were all drinking and he admitted with a laugh and smile on his face that he acted like that because he was listening to logics new album or something and "just needed to grind" whatever the fuck that means. My sister was driving in his car alone with him for maybe 15 minutes max. and said that even she felt like she was walking on egg shells and that she understood me now because he would get upset at the smallest things. It honestly just embarrassed me that he couldn't try to be nice around my sister, that just shows me that he doesn't care.
So now to get to the actual story, sorry that I rambled, I am currently visiting my family in MN for two weeks, he is still in CO. A week ago I went to visit one of my only friends from highschool for a sleepover, we went down to eat dinner and when we came back upstairs I saw that I had a missed call from him, I then saw this exact text: "Hey J***a! I miss you a lot right now. I know you're having a fun time out in Minnesota with your friends and your family. I love and care about you very much, I know you know that. It's time to move on from each other. This hurts a lot and I'm shaking while typing this. But I need to fly solo for a while and figure some shit out on my end. " My honest reaction was "I think blank just broke up with me?" My friend was so nice and then asked me how I felt, I honestly didn't feel sad, I was mainly just confused because of how random it was, he was acting completely normal up until then. I tried calling him back but it went straight to voicemail sp I texted him this: "I wish we could've had this talk on the phone. I was eating dinner downstairs when you called. I tried calling but you aren't answering so.
I agree, I feel like we haven't been in love like we used to for a long time, and I think moving on is the best thing for both of us." He never replied the rest of the night. The rest of the night I didn't cry or feel sad, I called my girl friends that I'm living with in CO, after them asking me how I felt and stuff we just started making fun plans for our single girl summer. Every single one of my friends does not like my boyfriend including my sister. They have been telling me to break up with him for months but I am honestly too scared and uncomfortable to, plus things are good when we are hanging out in person so I figured to just not worry about it. The next day my ex snapchatted me asking if we could have a phone call later if that is okay with me, I said sure expecting him to just tell me why he wanted to break up. But instead he said that the night before he saw some old screenshots (from the old SA incident) that made him go into a downward spiral. I will say I said some awful stuff behind his back which was the screenshots he was looking at. He then convinced himself that I had cheated on him and that I didn't actually get assaulted and that all of the times that I studied with my guy friends or hungout with them that we were fucking. So he just sent that text and powered off his phone. I will also say that I have never cheated on him. The next day he woke up and regretted it, he admitted that he also felt nauseous and scared which is think means he was just scared to be alone because we've been together for so long and he doesn't have any IRL friends in CO, so he would've basically been alone. So anyways on the phone the day after breaking up with me he told me why he sent the text and then started talking about how he was sad because he wasn't thinking lastnight, that he was only thinking about the bad things but then started thinking about all of the good times we have had and that that was what made him so sad the next morning. He said he truly loved me and wanted to at least say that he tried to get me back. I was again just very confused and shocked at this information, I tend to feel really bad for people even when they don't deserve it and so when he said he would've regretted this for the rest of his life and that he really loved me I caved and agreed to see if we can work things out. That being said I made sure to let him know that what he did was really shitty and not normal, and that it of course hurt me the way he went about it all. I have been telling him that he needs to go back to therapy for a year and he kept saying no, so on the phone I told him that if I'm even going to consider getting back with him he is going to get therapy. I know that may be shitty and I don't like telling people what to do but that is honestly what I think he needs if we even have a chance at getting better as a couple. At this time we are also planning to see eachother when I get back to CO to have an in-person talk about a lot of stuff. I told him that we can "stay together" but that I need time to think and I don't want to be official until I see major amount of change from him. Which historically has never really happened or the changes he made he eventually let slip and went back to his old ways which were toxic.
So now I am here, not sure what to think. I have been trying to really think about what I want and how I feel without thinking about his feelings but it's been really hard. We agreed to reconvene and see if things are better at the end of the summer, allowing him time to work on himself. But I don't know if I want to do that. I feel like things won't change, only because they haven't in the past when he said that they would. I also don't know how to end things if I were to.
If you were me what would you honestly do? It's hard to end such a long relationship.