Hello, I'm a 23-year-old male in his 4th year of college and will soon graduate in the next three months. I'm writing this entry because my life for the past four years has been that of repeated cycles and familiar shame. On the outside, people see me as a pretty social guy who is active and has it all together. But on the inside, I feel like a mess.
I often experience periods in which I go through the same cycles. In these past years, however, I've picked up on more journaling, meditation, psychedelics, camping, and even have had therapy for short periods. All of these have been super helpful in helping me understand myself better and deal with daily problems. However, I feel like I return to the same cycle. I've come to realize that I carry with me a lot more shame and guilt than I expected.
T This cycle involved making some changes at the start, slowly falling off, and being disappointed that I fell off. It was almost like I knew this was going to happen, and I would repeat the process, saying, "This will be the time I actually change."
For context, I have a condition called auditory processing disorder, a hearing condition that can take on many forms. My issue at a young age was confusing sounds from each other. For example, my brain thought the letters R and L sounded identical. This led to me not being able to speak/utter a pronounceable word until I was 5, and I had to go to hearing therapy for nine years to learn how to speak correctly. I have a speech inducement now, but for the most part, I sound standard except for sometimes messing up. Either way, this has always made me feel self-conscious and inferior to others, especially when they would laugh or make fun of how I spoke. I've gotten over it for the most part, but it still annoys me. Hence, I carry a lot of shame with me.
I felt like my shame had only evolved more throughout the years with my body, my sexuality, my social standing, my habits, etc. For a while, I was a self-improvement junkie wanting to constantly be better for others, even if it meant sacrificing things I liked or was interested in for other people. For my body, it meant skipping meals so that my six-pack could be available; my sexuality meant not being curvy or big girls from fear of what others might think of me.
I have a hard time accepting myself for who I am, and pretty much every time I've tried to change my life has been out of shame. Very rarely has it been out of self-love or care, and it feels gratifying and right when I do make a change on that front. However, when it comes to things I would like to change, like my porn use, time management, and overcoming fears, I feel like that desire for change stems from shame. I don't know how to stop the cycles from repeating and how to build self-compassion/love properly. I would appreciate any advice or personal stories anyone has.

First time home buyer here. We have been saving for 2 years with every extra penny we’ve got. Upon talking with our lender about verified assets when they look to write us our loan, I have a couple of questions.
• I’m told they look back on our last 2 paystubs and bank statements to verify amounts. Let’s say at the beginning of that month, the money in my savings account is 8k - do they verify where that 8k comes from, or just what has been deposited the last 2 months.
• I will sometimes get cash bonuses from my workplace. What’s the best way to make it verified income. I will also do side jobs for friends and family for cash. How can we use that money for the loan?
• How do they know the money I put in my savings account comes from my paystub? What’s stopping me from paying rent in cash, then putting that amount into savings in my bank account?
This is all very confusing so if anyone can explain this to me, that would be appreciated.

Hello, I'm a 23-year-old male in his 4th year of college and will soon graduate in the next three months. I'm writing this entry because my life for the past four years has been that of repeated cycles and familiar shame. On the outside, people see me as a pretty social guy who is active and has it all together. But on the inside, I feel like a mess.
I often experience periods in which I go through the same cycles. In these past years, however, I've picked up on more journaling, meditation, psychedelics, camping, and even have had therapy for short periods. All of these have been super helpful in helping me understand myself better and deal with daily problems. However, I feel like I return to the same cycle. I've come to realize that I carry with me a lot more shame and guilt than I expected.
T This cycle involved making some changes at the start, slowly falling off, and being disappointed that I fell off. It was almost like I knew this was going to happen, and I would repeat the process, saying, "This will be the time I actually change."
For context, I have a condition called auditory processing disorder, a hearing condition that can take on many forms. My issue at a young age was confusing sounds from each other. For example, my brain thought the letters R and L sounded identical. This led to me not being able to speak/utter a pronounceable word until I was 5, and I had to go to hearing therapy for nine years to learn how to speak correctly. I have a speech inducement now, but for the most part, I sound standard except for sometimes messing up. Either way, this has always made me feel self-conscious and inferior to others, especially when they would laugh or make fun of how I spoke. I've gotten over it for the most part, but it still annoys me. Hence, I carry a lot of shame with me.
I felt like my shame had only evolved more throughout the years with my body, my sexuality, my social standing, my habits, etc. For a while, I was a self-improvement junkie wanting to constantly be better for others, even if it meant sacrificing things I liked or was interested in for other people. For my body, it meant skipping meals so that my six-pack could be available; my sexuality meant not being curvy or big girls from fear of what others might think of me.
I have a hard time accepting myself for who I am, and pretty much every time I've tried to change my life has been out of shame. Very rarely has it been out of self-love or care, and it feels gratifying and right when I do make a change on that front. However, when it comes to things I would like to change, like my porn use, time management, and overcoming fears, I feel like that desire for change stems from shame. I don't know how to stop the cycles from repeating and how to build self-compassion/love properly. I would appreciate any advice or personal stories anyone has.

Hello, I'm a 23-year-old male in his 4th year of college and will soon graduate in the next three months. I'm writing this entry because my life for the past four years has been that of repeated cycles and familiar shame. On the outside, people see me as a pretty social guy who is active and has it all together. But on the inside, I feel like a mess.
I often experience periods in which I go through the same cycles. In these past years, however, I've picked up on more journaling, meditation, psychedelics, camping, and even have had therapy for short periods. All of these have been super helpful in helping me understand myself better and deal with daily problems. However, I feel like I return to the same cycle. I've come to realize that I carry with me a lot more shame and guilt than I expected.
T This cycle involved making some changes at the start, slowly falling off, and being disappointed that I fell off. It was almost like I knew this was going to happen, and I would repeat the process, saying, "This will be the time I actually change."
For context, I have a condition called auditory processing disorder, a hearing condition that can take on many forms. My issue at a young age was confusing sounds from each other. For example, my brain thought the letters R and L sounded identical. This led to me not being able to speak/utter a pronounceable word until I was 5, and I had to go to hearing therapy for nine years to learn how to speak correctly. I have a speech inducement now, but for the most part, I sound standard except for sometimes messing up. Either way, this has always made me feel self-conscious and inferior to others, especially when they would laugh or make fun of how I spoke. I've gotten over it for the most part, but it still annoys me. Hence, I carry a lot of shame with me.
I felt like my shame had only evolved more throughout the years with my body, my sexuality, my social standing, my habits, etc. For a while, I was a self-improvement junkie wanting to constantly be better for others, even if it meant sacrificing things I liked or was interested in for other people. For my body, it meant skipping meals so that my six-pack could be available; my sexuality meant not being curvy or big girls from fear of what others might think of me.
I have a hard time accepting myself for who I am, and pretty much every time I've tried to change my life has been out of shame. Very rarely has it been out of self-love or care, and it feels gratifying and right when I do make a change on that front. However, when it comes to things I would like to change, like my porn use, time management, and overcoming fears, I feel like that desire for change stems from shame. I don't know how to stop the cycles from repeating and how to build self-compassion/love properly. I would appreciate any advice or personal stories anyone has.

My 7 year old has a classmate (same grade different class) who also plays in a few local sports teams who has cerebral palsy.
They have gone to school together and played on the same rec soccer team and tball/baseball league for 2 years now. At first he had lots of question as this boy was likely the first differently able child he’s been around. I felt nothing out of the ordinary. I explained that everyone is born different and differently abled. And how it’s great we can included him in sports and most school activities. He also has an uncle with ASD and an uncle with MS, one being mentally differently able and one being physically. So I tried to draw parallels there.
Last year we got a note from a teacher my son was mocking him and poking fun of him with other kids, we talked about how mean it was to act like that, and I had him write a letter apologizing to the parents and the boy. The parents were great and understanding. I thought maybe this was behind us.
This year he is playing against him in soccer and baseball and my son was very irritated that he got special treatment and was allowed to make kicks with out any defense around and how in baseball they let him run the bases and hit off the tee with out being out.
Last night his baseball coach catches him in the dugout mocking him and making fun of him with other kids. my son orchestrated and started it. They sat him out the rest of the game, and when his dad and I got home we were extremely displeased and let him know that and we sent him straight to bed.
My husband wants to pull him from baseball for the rest of the season. We just don’t get it, our son is held accountable, gets a lot of positive reinforcement and attention. He helps and is so sweet with his baby cousins and has never made a comment about his uncles and thier different abilities. We don’t bully or make comments about anyone’s bodies or differences .
Is there anything else we should do? Is my kid just an asshole??? The thought of my son being a bully makes me sick.

OK I need help coming out to my Dad. As his fully grown child, I have no idea how to go about this.
I'm in kind of a complicated situation, which I'll explain, but ultimately, it's extra tough for me because we're generally as close as a Gen X child and Boomer parent can be. He's known I'm bi for a while, has seen me date both women and men, and is cool with it. He is conservative, but he's actually open-minded, into scifi and fantasy and stuff. Basically, he watches the Gayest Star Trek, Discovery, with me and is fine? But he also watches Fox News. I don't understand, but whatever.
I've been thinking and thinking about it, and I'm just stumped as to how to do this, so I'm humbly asking you lovely dudes for tips, tricks, advice, whatever.
Complicating Factors:

• We live together, have for the past few years.
• I am moving to another state in a few weeks, partly so that I can transition in a more accepting area with my chosen family.
• He's going on a trip the day I leave.

Most people have suggested leaving him a letter, but it just doesn't feel right because then I'm gone, and it's easier to write me off since I'm not physically there. And it maybe seems like I'm running away? IDK I also don't want to ruin the trip, as silly as that sounds.
BUT there's always the possibility of a big reaction if I tell him in person, and then I have to live with him for a few weeks, and how uncomfortable/unsafe would that be?
I also don't know where to even START this conversation. So... yeah. Help?

As many of you may have read, there is a case of two missing adopted kids in North Carolina, where remains have been found. The news has reported that their adoptive “mother” is Avantae Deven.
I’m a curious person and started digging up information on Avantae Deven when I first read the story in my news feed and could not believe what I was reading. It seemed like whomever this woman is must have be using an alias; Avantae Deven is not a name like Kim Jones or Mackenzie Smith.
The more I dug, the weirder it seemed to get. I found a property deed to a place in Sedona, Arizona, and figured out that whomever this Avantae person is, she at one point in time had owned a home together with someone named Nicole Adams. So I dug into who Nicole Adams was, and learned that she was the widow of a spiritual leader named Robert Adams. It appeared to me that there would be no way to identify who Avantae really was, unless I could also identify the true identity of Robert Adams.
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I've done investigative work for many years, including skip tracing. I can conclusively state that there was absolutely no person actually named Robert Adams born in New York State on January 21, 1928. This is demonstrated by the New York Birth Index. I have combed the census records for 1930, 1940, and 1950, and cross-checked them against multiple databases, and am confident that nobody with the birth name of Robert Adams was born anywhere in the United States on January 21, 1928.
Moreover, there was absolutely no person with the true name of Robert Adams who died anywhere at all in the United States, let alone Sedona, Arizona, on March 2, 1997. This is demonstrated by the Social Security Death Index.
I began this research largely by performing exhaustive searches on the known addresses that are associated with Robert, his wife Leonie (who used to use the alias Nicole), and Avantae Deven (who turns out to be their daughter Michelle who began using the alias Avantae in the mid-1990’s or so). Most of the addresses are PO boxes. Those that are PO boxes are all *private* PO boxes, not PO boxes that one can rent from the United States Postal Service. To me, that spoke volumes. The family were clearly using aliases.
As I explain further below, I eventually determined that “Robert Adams” was Robert Spiegel, born 21 January 1932 in New York. “Nicole Adams” was actually Aileen Beverly Leonie Maxwell, born February 2, 1929, in Jamaica. “Avantae Deven” is actually their daughter, Michelle K. Spiegel, born on October 1, 1960, in California.
One of Robert’s many false stories about Robert’s life that my research has refuted is Robert’s claim that his mother was Jewish and his father was Catholic. That was a lie. Both of his parents were Jewish. It’s also interesting that he claimed that he was “raised Catholic.” There is absolutely nothing to suggest that. His mother always, in New York, lived in Jewish neighborhoods. Moreover, as will be discussed below, his parents had a Jewish wedding. It’s also downright absurd that he would tell people that he was “half Jewish.” If your mother’s Jewish, you are Jewish, pure and simple. Even if Robert’s father had truly been Catholic (which he wasn’t; his name was Samuel Spiegel and he immigrated to America in 1907, lived with his Jewish, Yiddish-speaking cousins, and spoke Yiddish himself), Robert would have been Jewish because the status of being a Jew comes from the mother. Robert’s mother’s name was Fannie (nee Fleisfeder) Spiegel. Fannie’s parents were Itzik Fleisfeder and Esther Libke (nee Rifkin) Fleisfeder. Esther’s parents were Mendel Rifkin and Sarah whose maiden name is lost to time and the disappearance of the shtetls. Robert’s claim to having had a Catholic father was utterly false, but is part and parcel of his ongoing compulsive daily lying about anything and everything.
Here is the story.
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Kolomyia, formerly known as Kolomea, is a city currently located in the Western Ukraine.
On January 21, 1892 (the same year that Kolomea tallis¹ workers went on strike for better pay and working conditions), Kolomea resident Rachel Katz, wife of Abraham Spiegel, gave birth to a son, who was given the name Schmuel.
On the date that Schmuel Spiegel entered the world, Kolomea was ruled by the Austro-Hungarian Monarchy, and almost half of the city’s residents were Jewish.
In June of 1907, fifteen-year-old Schmuel² boarded the Zeeland, which sailed from Antwerp, Belgium, arriving at New York Harbor on June 18, 1907. The ship’s manifest states that Schmuel’s father had paid for his transport, and that Schmuel intended to reside with his father, Abe, in Brooklyn. Schmuel was granted entrance, and took up residence with his cousin Charles Fetner, who resided at 353 Myrtle Avenue, Brooklyn, in Apartment A with his wife Jennie and their baby daughter Ettie. The sparse record that exists suggests that although Schmuel’s father was, indeed, named Abraham, Abraham lived and died in Europe, without immigrating to America.
The 1910 census describes Samuel’s cousin Charles as a carpenter, who had been married to housewife Jennie for six years, and a father of three children-- Ettie age four, Nathan age two, and baby Jacob, who was not even a year old. Eighteen-year-old Samuel was identified by profession as a “Foreman Sailmaker” in an industry described as “pocket-books.”
Three and a half years after being granted admission, on a bitterly cold winter day, January 4, 1911, Schmuel (now employed as a pocket-book maker, and having Anglicized his name to Samuel) signed and submitted his declaration to become a United States citizen. He stated, in that declaration, that he was born on January 21, 1892.
By 1915, Samuel had left his cousin’s abode and was residing as a lodger in the home of a widow named Rose Hammer, who lived with her two adolescent sons, Meyer and Louis, at 531 E. 5^th Avenue; Samuel was now working as a “driver.”
Two years after the 1915 state census was taken, Samuel had moved back to Myrtle Avenue, but this time at building no. 849. On June 15, 2017, Samuel registered for the draft, and described himself as being a pocketbook maker, working for “A. Shoenfeld,” at 101 Crosby Street, New York. He was single. He stated, in his draft registration, that he was born on January 21, 1892.
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A woman named Fruma Fleisfeder was born in Beltz, Bessarabia, sometime between July 1, 1893, and 1901, to Itzik Fleisfeder and Esther Lieba Rifkin. Fruma (not living up to her pious given name) provided different dates and years of birth to different authorities on different occasions, making it impossible at this point in time to know her true position in the birth order of her family. Regardless, Fruma, who began using the name Fanny upon her entrance to the United States, did have three brothers and a sister who also came to America-- Louis Fleisfeder who was born April 10, 1890, Max Irving Fleisfeder who used October 10, 1892 as his birthdate, Hersch (later known as Harry), whose official birthdate was December 15, 1901, and Sylvia who was born in approximately 1906.
On December 1, 1919, Fruma arrived in New York Harbor on the ship La Touraine, declaring her intention, at entry, to become a United States Citizen. The ship’s manifest describes her as five feet five inches tall, with fair hair, blue eyes, and a fair complexion. The ship’s manifest states that she was, at that time, age 24. If that were correct, she would have been born in 1895.
Fruma (then going by Fanny) took up residence with her cousin Ethel (nee Ruchlin) and Ethel’s husband Samuel Steinberg, on 15^th Street, Brooklyn. Soon thereafter, Ethel gave birth to her first child, a daughter named Theresa. The 1920 census states that Fanny was Russian, didn’t speak English but, rather, spoke Hebrew, and worked as a milliner in a millinery store. The 1920 census also states that Fanny was age 25, which lines up with her being age 24 in the prior year’s ship manifest.
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Sam and Fanny married in Manhattan on January 24, 1925. Their marriage certificate (signed by each of them) identifies Sam as being age 32 (contradicting, by one year, his immigration records which would have placed him at age 33), and identifies Fanny as age 24, the same age that she had claimed to be six years prior, and also contradicting an immigration petition that she would file two decades in the future, which generally placed her birth year at the mid-point of 1893.
If Fanny’s immigration records (which included a petition with her signature on it) were correct, Fanny would also have been age 32 as of her marriage to Samuel, not age 24.
So did Fanny lie in her marriage certificate? Or did she lie in her immigration petition?
The marriage certificate identifies Sam as having been born in Kolomea, Austria, and his father being Abraham, and his mother being Rachel Katz. It identifies Fanny as having been born in Beltz, Russia, to a father named Isaac, and to a mother named Esther Rifkin.
The marriage certificate does not identify Fanny as having any profession, but identifies Sam as being a pocketbook maker.
Sam and Fannie were married at 125 E. 4^th Street, Manhattan, a six-story apartment building with retail units on the ground floor that is now an expensive co-op, with three-bedroom units selling for over $900,000. Present-day real estate advertisements alternatively state that the building was built in 1894, 1903, and 1905.
The first name of the rabbi who officiated was Harry. His surname starts with Reid, but the remaining letters of his signature are illegible. Rabbi Harry identified his residence as 232 Broome Street, which, at the time, was a four-story mixed use building that, among other things, housed Chevrah Ahavath Zedek Anshei Jaskinover.
Witnesses to the marriage were Mayer Budmon and Samuel Steinberg.
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Sam and Fanny’s existence was documented next in the 1925 New York State census by census. They were living at 205 S. 2^nd Street. Samuel was still working as a “pocketbook maker.” Fanny was identified as a “housewife.”
Fanny was identified as age 25. This was in accordance with her age as stated on her marriage certificate, but not in accordance with her immigration documents or the 1920 census.
Sam was identified as being age 28, which conflicted with all prior records.
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In 1930, the couple were again enumerated, this time in the Federal census. The enumerator, whose signature appears to be “Max Krahn” (or something like that) stated that he obtained the information on April 16, 1930.
Sam was identified as a “framer” of pocketbooks. He was identified as being 36 years of age, which conflicts by two years with the age that he provided to immigration authorities. Perhaps the enumerator was simply sloppy; Samuel was also incorrectly identified in the 1930 census as having been born in “Poland,” with parents who were both also born in “Poland,” notwithstanding other governmental records having identified him as being Austrian. The language he spoke? “Jewish,” according to the enumerator. Was that to mean Hebrew? Yiddish? Both?
Fannie was identified as age 30 (directly in conflict with the information she supplied in her immigration petition, which bears her signature) and as being “Russian,” with parents born in “Russia.” The 1930 census enumerator incorrectly wrote that her year of immigration was 1921. Fannie, too, was identified by the enumerator as speaking the “Jewish” language.
Although later records reflected that Sam and Fannie had a son named Irving who was born in 1926, Irving was not recorded in the 1930 census. Was he missed by the enumerator? Or was he a later-adopted son?
The couple also had a boarder, identified by the 1930 enumerator as one Esther “Larson,” age 40, born in Russia, and similarly a speaker of the “Jewish” language.
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The New York Birth Index identifies a baby boy, Robert Spiegel, as one of many babies having been born in the city on January 21, 1932.
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On May 21, 1936, Samuel committed suicide by hanging in the family residence, a tenement apartment located at 1168 Union Avenue, in the Bronx. Although, based upon the date of birth that Samuel used for official governmental purposes he was age 44, the death certificate stated that he was age 43.
Fannie engaged the Gordon Funeral Home to prepare him for burial.
Strangely, although Samuel’s headstone accurately identified him in Hebrew as Schmuel Spiegel, son of Avraham, it inexplicably incorrectly stated that he died at age 40.
Fannie of course knew her husband’s real age; both of them signed the marriage certificate that had Samuel’s correct age listed. Furthermore, Samuel had petitioned for citizenship in 1911, and stated that his date of birth was January 18, 1892.
Why would Fannie commission a headstone with a false age? Perhaps she, like her son, was a compulsive liar. Maybe that’s where Robert got it from.
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The 1940 census has Fannie (identified as age 38), Robert (identified as age 8), and Fannie’s son/Robert’s brother, Irving Spiegel, age 13, as living with Fannie’s 72-year-old mother, Esther Fleisfeder, at 1537 Fulton Avenue, in the Bronx. Fannie and Esther were identified as widows. Esther was identified as “U” (unable to work), while Fannie was identified as engaged in housework. No source of income for the family was identified.
No explanation is obvious regarding where Irving was living in the census taken a decade previously. Was he adopted?
There is no “Irving Spiegel” listed in the New York Birth Index for either 1926 or 1927. There is an “Irving Spiegal” listed, who was born April 29, 1926. But he is not Irving Spiegel.
I initially thought that perhaps Irving might be one of the unnamed Baby Boy Spiegels born in New York in 1926 or 1927, and that he left the hospital unnamed because his parents were waiting for his bris before naming him. However, Robert left the hospital with the name Robert. Why wait until the bris to name one child, but not the other?
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Slightly less than two years after she was enumerated in the 1940 census, Fannie’s mother Esther died, at home, at 1537 Fulton Avenue. The causes of death were “Coronary Thrombosis, Pulmonary Oedema Nephritis, Hypertension, Arteriosclerosis.” Esther left this world on February 6, 1942, the same day that the W. L. Steed was torpedoed, shelled and sunk less than a hundred nautical miles east of the mouth of Delaware River by a German submarine.
She was buried at Mount Moriah Cemetery in Fairview, New Jersey, the same cemetery where her son-in-law Samuel was interred.
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On November 12, 1943, Fannie, now residing at 1985 Bathgate Avenue, in the Bronx, petitioned for citizenship. She claimed, in that document bearing her signature, to be fifty years of age, meaning that if she was telling the truth, she would have been born in approximately 1893.
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On January 19, 1948, Robert (having assumed a false date of birth, that being January 18, 1931), enlisted in the New York National Guard. On paper, he had turned age 17 the day before his enlistment. In reality, he would be turning age 16 two days after his enlistment.
On December 9, 1949, Robert was discharged from the national guard, apparently for having been AWOL.
The discharge document identifies his address as being 1985 Bathgate Avenue, New York City.
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The 1950 census places Robert again at 1985 Bathgate Avenue, New York City. It correctly identifies him as age 18, and states that he worked as a shipping clerk for a newspaper company.
According to the 1950 census, Robert resided at the Bathgate Avenue address with his mother Fannie, who was purportedly still age 50 (seven years after she had previously claimed to immigration authorities to be age 50), and Robert’s brother Irving, age 24.
Irving was listed as unemployed and moreover, according to the census record, had not worked for the prior year. Fannie was employed full-time as a milliner in a hat factory.
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Military records reflect that Irving J. Spiegel, born in 1926 and a resident of 1985 Bathgate Avenue, who had completed two years of high school education, had flown bomber planes over Germany during the war. In his military documents, Irving described himself as single, with two dependents.
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On February 2, 1929, a baby girl given the name Aileen Beverly Leone Maxwell was born in Lucea, Hanover, Jamaica, to William Maxwell and Daisy (nee Tibbits) Maxwell. Her birth was registered by her parents.
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In 1954, Robert Spiegel and Aileen Maxwell were married in New York City. Their marriage license was given License No. 10284.
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The following year, the Kingston, Jamaica, Gleaner reported on June 6, 1955:
Miss Leonie Maxwell, daughter of Mr. and Mrs. W. J. Maxwell, was married recently in New York City to Mr. Robert Spiegel of the U.S.A. Both the bride and groom are students at the New York Institute of Dietetics. The bride left the island nearly two years ago for New York. Her wedding gown was chantilly lace and nylon tulle. The bodice was fashioned with a wide, scalloped neckline and elbow-length sleeves. Her three tier skirt of chantilly lace was over pleated nylon tulle. Her fingertip-length veil was adorned with pearls.
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If the claim regarding the couple studying at the New York Institute of Dietetics was even true, their studies at this institution didn’t last long. In May of 1956, a number of advertisements bearing Robert’s photograph appeared in the Kingston, Jamaica Gleaner. The advertisements described Robert as a psychologist, author, lecturer, and “practitioner in auto suggestion,” and identified him as “Dr. J. Robert Spiegel.” Readers were invited to come meet Robert on May 21, 1956, at Record Plaza, where he would be autographing his “latest” “world-wide” 33 and 1/3 RPM record, “How to Stop Smoking in 7 days by Auto-Suggestion.”
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On May 1, 1959, three residents of 1985 Bathgate Avenue, Bronx, New York, came through customs, having returned from a trip to Jamaica. They identified themselves as “Robert D. Spiegel” born in New York (in addition to giving himself a false middle initial, Robert neglected to complete the I-94-A fully, specifically by leaving his birthdate blank), “Leonie A. Spiegel” born in Jamaica on February 2, 1929, and their minor daughter, and “Sharon S. Spiegel,” born in New York. Someone also neglected to fully complete Sharon’s I-94-A, specifically by leaving her birthdate blank.
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Leonie had taken Sharon to Jamaica two years earlier. There are no publicly available records pertaining to their outbound transport from the United States to Jamaica. There is, however, a record pertaining to their return to the United States. That publicly available record does not provide their address, but Sharon is identified as weighing 1 stone 5 pounds (a total of 19 pounds), and Leonie is identified as weighing six stone 5 pounds (89 pounds). Interestingly, Leonie used the name “Aileen Spiegel,” and the records assert that Aileen has no middle initial. Aileen was / is her true legal first name, but it is a lie to say that she has no middle initial.
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Almost two years later, on January 5, 1958, the Kingston, Jamaica Gleaner reported:
Staying at the Tamarind Hotel are Mr. and Mrs. Bob Spiegel and daughter Sharon of Miami, Florida. Mrs. Spiegel is the former Leonie Maxwell, daughter of Mr. and Mrs. W. J. Maxwell of Lucea and has been in the United States for several years. A welcome party in their honour was given last Saturday night by Messers. Horrace, Ray, and Dennis Maxwell, brothers of Mrs. Spiegel. It was a very enjoyable affair.
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In 1963, roughly five years after their 1958 visit to Jamaica, Leonie petitioned for naturalization, in Louisiana. Although I am in possession of the index showing that she petitioned in 1963, I do not possess the petition itself. However, the fact that she petitioned for naturalization in Louisiana demonstrates that that at least she was residing in Louisiana at the time. Since she stated that she didn’t leave Robert’s side for over 40 years, presumably Robert, young Sharon, and also baby Michelle were living in Louisiana at that time.
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People who knew Robert personally relate that he stated that Leonie was a Cayman Island heiress. She wasn’t. Not only was she not born in the Cayman Islands, Leonie’s father’s estate was litigated (with the judge ruling against her) long before Robert started telling people that his wife was a Cayman Islands heiress.
Leonie’s father did leave an estate, but not to her. On November 9, 1967, the Gleaner reported that the Supreme Court had upheld the will of the late William Josiah Maxwell, the father of Horrace, Ray, Dennis, and Leonie, and the husband of Daisy Maxwell, who had contended that William’s signature was a forgery and that the person to whom his estate had been bequeathed had exercised undue influence. The court disagreed. The article reported:
The estate, which one of the executors described as “a sizeable one,” included 112 acres of land at Paradise and three houses at Lucea, Hanover.
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Robert apparently wasn’t banking on Leonie’s inheritance in any event. In May of 1966, advertisements appeared in the Houston Chronicle with Robert’s photo on them, selling a record that would purportedly assist people in stopping smoking in seven days. He identified himself as “Dr. J. Robert Spiegel.”
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On page 55 of the November 15, 1969, San Antonio, Texas Express and News, was an advertisement stating:
SCIENCE OF THE MIND
Dr. J. Robert Spiegel of Houston, director and founder of the Science of the Mind Foundation there, is conducting Sunday evening meetings at 7:30 p.m. in the Sheraton Inn, 1400 Austin Hwy.
*******
On page 4 of the July 10, 1970 edition of the Fort Worth Star-Telegram was a photograph of Robert, with a brief local news blurb:
GUEST – Dr. J Robert Spiegel of Houston, Science of Mind Foundation director, will speak at the 10:45 a.m. service tomorrow in First Church of Religious Science, 2001 6^th Ave. His subject is “What Religious Science Teaches.”
*******
On page 8 of the June 18, 1970 edition of the Houston Daily Cougar was this advertisement:
HOME OF UNIVERSAL LIFE
“Teaching Aquarian Meditation For The New Age
Meets Every Sunday, 11:00 A.M. At The World Trade Center Auditorium
Houston, Texas
DR. J. ROBERT SPIEGEL (BRAHMADANDA) DIRECTOR - FOUNDER
Aquarian Meditation Initiation for the first time offered through correspondence. For those sincere students wishing to bypass evolution and enter the 5th Kingdom. Initiation includes meditation technique, Mantra, how to "live” 24 hours a day, and much more. Write for application today:
P.O. Box 53328 Houston, Texas 052
*******
From the Galveston Daily News, May 02, 1971, Pg. 31:
AQUARIAN MEDITATION SOCIETY PRESENTS DR. J. ROBERT SPIEGEL AN AUTHOR, LECTURER, TEACHER OF YOGA & SELF DEVELOPMENT WILL SPEAK ON MAN, MIND & THE UNIVERSE WEDNESDAY, MAY 5th AT 7:30 P.M. IN THE RECREATION CENTER HARRIS COUNTY PARK, NASA RD. # 1 ALL WELCOME — DONATION $1.50
*******
The 1972 Spiritual Community Guide lists Robert twice, in the San Diego area. First, on page 117, using his alias “J. Robert Spiegel”:
THE TEMPLE OF METAPHYSICAL ABUNDANCE. J. Robert Spiegel, 1118 Torrey Pines Rd., 92037. Teaches yoga, nutrition, ESP, metaphysics, psychology, mind control
Second, on page 124, in which he, as one might have predicted, was masquerading as some sort of medical man or scholar:
"AQUARIAN MEDITATION SOCIETY, U. S. Grant Hotel, Attn: Dr. Robert Spiegel, 453-7588"
*******
Also in 1972, Volume 25 of San Diego Magazine published in November advertised gift certificates for the “Astrology Research Center.” “Give your loved one the gift of love. Only $50” said the advertisement. Where was this entity located? At 1118 Torrey Pines Road, the same address as Robert’s Temple of Metaphysical Abundance. The advertisement purported that person identified as “Lil Canaan” was the director. The telephone number was 459-6400.
In 2013, the San Diego Union Tribune published the obituary for Lillian Mulonas, who founded the La Jolla “Astrology Research Center.” At this point in time, unless Robert Adams’ only surviving daughter, Michelle/ Prentiss/ Avantae knows the answer and talks, we will not know what relationship, if any, existed between Robert’s Temple of Metaphysical Abundance and Lilian’s Astrology Research Center, both of which were located at 1118 Torrey Pines Road in 1972.
*******
From the July 12, 1973, San Diego Reader:
BRAHMADANDA FOUNDATION
“Teachings of the Cosmic Way” meets Sundays, 11:00 a.m., U.S. Grant Hotel, Crystal Room. Free admission, refreshments served. Call 453-7588 for more information.
*******
On page 51 of the June 29, 1974 edition of Phoenix’s Arizona Republic was the following advertisement:
Speaker from San Diego
Dr. J. Robert Spiegel from San Diego, a traveler and lecturer, will speak at 8 p.m., Friday in Universal Series Center, 4340 N. Seventh Ave., on the topic “Science of Being.”
He is the founder of the “Aquarian Meditation Society” in Jamaica and is founder and publisher of “Equinox,” a philosophical newspaper.
*******
The family (Adams or Spiegel, however one might want to refer to them) have resided in (that I know of) New York, Miami, Jamaica, Louisiana, La Jolla, Los Angeles, Houston, New Mexico, Hawaii, Las Vegas, Scottsdale, Sedona, and a number of cities in North Carolina.
*******
In at least the 1990’s, before he left for Sedona, Robert Adams used the address PO Box 7210, Jordan Avenue, D-30, Canoga Park, CA. He used that address on correspondence he wrote, and on at least one published document. Who else used that address? The data aggregators show that this address was also used by a Michelle K. Spiegel, and a person going by the name Leonie Maxwell. Michelle and Leonie also used other addresses associated with Robert, those being 1815 Willis Avenue Panorama City, and 21551 Burbank Boulevard, Woodland Hills.
*******
The California Birth Index shows that Michelle K. Spiegel was born on October 1, 1960, in Los Angeles County, to a mother with the maiden name Maxwell.
*******
In later life, Michelle used the addresses above that are associated with Robert and Leonie, as well as an address of 12004 Vanowen Street #14, North Hollywood. This is the same address at which Denniston Keith Maxwell, one of Leonie’s younger brothers, resided at, after his immigration to the United States. Denniston was one of Michelle’s uncles.
In a recent Facebook posting, Michelle/Avantae stated: “Never knew anything personal about said uncles, etc. Never asked, never cared.” Really? She shared an address with an uncle? Her uncle lived within a few minutes’ drive from her parents, and Michelle/Avantae never knew anything about him?
As an aside, Michelle/Avantae alleged (or admitted) that she “never cared” about anything personal regarding her uncles. If that is true, what does that tell us about Michelle/Avantae’s fundamental character? Antisocial? Psychopathic? Narcissistic in the extreme?
*******
On August 2, 1996, Michelle, going by the name Avantae E. Deven, married Tyson Ruben Alvarez in Las Vegas. The two had addresses in common in Arizona, Nevada, and Montana.
*******
Robert “Adams” died on or about March 2, 1997, in Sedona, Arizona.
Shortly after that, in the spring of 1997, “Nicole Adams” and “Avantae Deven” (both aliases; the correct legal names are Aileen Beverly Leonie Spiegel and Michelle K. Spiegel) purchased a home together in Sedona, on Navahopi Road. Shortly after the purchase, “Nicole” quit-claimed her portion to “Avantae.”
On July 17, 2001, Tyson, still married to “Avantae,” quit-claimed any interest in the Navahopi property to “Avantae,” and had the county recorder send the deed to “Avantae” in care of the Infinity Institute, at that time located at 9101 W. Sahara Ave. Suite 105 C29 (in other words, a private post box), in Las Vegas.
Avantae divorced Tyson in 2006. She had, by then, moved to North Carolina. She “served” Tyson via publication summons, claiming that she was unable to find him, despite his information being on multiple data aggregators.
You can go to various Facebook groups, and other sources, to pull up the documents that people have uncovered showing who is associated with the "Infinity Institute," and in what fashion, and also the addresses that they have used over the years.
In any event, this is the information regarding Robert that I think that people need to be aware of.
Why turn to a known liar and con man for spiritual guidance?
1A tallis is a prayer shawl.
2The ship’s manifest states that he was age 14, which conflicts by one year with what Samuel identified as his date of birth. These errors are not uncommon; his fare could have been purchased when he was age 14 and the records not updated.

Hi HEB partners, how do I go about giving my two week notice? Do I just tell my manager or do I have to write a letter? I don’t want to ask anyone I work with because everyone is so nosy. Thank you!

I’m attending grad school in the fall because it’s required for the professional licensure I need, and after financial aid I’m still short by 5 figures. I’ve been offered a federal loan with a fixed 7% rate, and I also have enough in stock to cover my first year (of of a 2 year program), after which I could qualify for better scholarships. I’m not sure what the tax implications are, other than that the vast majority would be taxed as long-term gains, and I’m not sure how the math works out of 7% compounding vs a flat ~20%. I’ve also thought about only selling what has depreciated so that I can write that off, then borrowing to make up the rest.
I’d really appreciate advice from people who know what they’re talking about because I’m lost. Thanks guys!
Edit (Context): I currently work full time, but don’t make all that much. Probably on the medium-low end of what a public school teacher would make. The degree would likely at least double it. I intend to continue working through school with mildly reduced hours.
The investments I haven’t profited on represent a very small part of my portfolio, so that alone wouldn’t cover it, and probably wouldn’t offset the capital gains taxes on everything else I’d have to sell.

For me, I have issues at the minimum of once a week, but usually more frequently. Either the website or the phone app isn't working. I've noticed over the past year, it's getting worse. I've lost 2 potential customers in the past 2 months who just gave up trying to make a booking because they were so frustrated with trying to make a payment with the buggy technology. Then that lowers my guest acceptance rate, which I have no control over. I'm getting really fed up, and contacting customer support has been tedious when it comes to sorting out the problems. We pay a lot of money to put our listing on the site, plus VRBO charges customers high service fees on top of that. I've read that VRBO has finally admitted to investors that it is having tech issues, but it seems like nothing is being done for those of us who actually use the website. I am thinking about writing a letter to the CEO regarding this, and I'm curious about how many other people have had frequent issues?

Some of my family from Korea came to the US and we went to Las Vegas and Grand Canyon. I want to write them all letters. Did I write them ok?

미연언니 (older female cousin from my dad's side):

English You are so lively and funny! I love the way you talk and the stories you tell. Sharing the same room at Circus Circus was so fun even though you snore haha. When I go to Korea, please do my eyelashes and hair! And maybe learn some taekwondo from your husband that you love but don’t always like.
I hope I can go to New Zealand soon and hang out with your children. If they are like you, I know I will have a lot of fun.
Korean 언니는 정말 활기차고 재미있어요! 언니의 말투와 이야기하는 방식이 너무 좋아요. 서커스 서커스에서 같은 방을 쓴 것도 너무 즐거웠어요, 비록 언니가 코를 골지만요 ㅎㅎㅎ. 제가 한국에 가면 언니가 제 속눈썹과 머리를 해 주세요! 그리고 언니가 사랑하지만 항상 좋아하지 않는 그 남편에게 태권도도 좀 배워야겠어요.
뉴질랜드에 빨리 가서 언니의 아이들과 놀고 싶어요. 아이들이 언니를 닮았다면 정말 재미있을 것 같아요!

————

소연언니(older female cousin from my dad's side):

English I hope you get more time to rest because you took care of not only your daughter, but also me. You and your sisters took care of me too much! Every time you were in the kitchen, I would hear “and what about for Julie?” I’m so thankful that you don’t judge me for being vegan and instead accept who I am. With that heart, I know your daughter will become a wonderful woman as she gets older. At the very least, she will have a loving and supportive mom.
Korean 언니가 딸뿐만 아니라 저도 돌봐줘서 더 많이 쉴 시간이 생기길 바라요. 너와 네 언니의 저를 너무 많이 돌봐줬어요! 주방에 있을 때마다 "줄리는?"라는 말을 들었어요. 제가 비건이라는 걸 판단하지 않고 저를 있는 그대로 받아줘서 너무 감사해요. 그런 마음으로 언니의 딸도 나중에 멋진 여자가 될 거예요. 적어도 사랑과 지지를 듬뿍 받는 엄마가 있을 거예요.

———

혜연언니(older female cousin from my dad's side):

English The massage you gave me was so amazing haha! And the sauce for the soodubu too. Please share your recipe! I’m so happy I got to see more of your personality because it’s so fun and playful. I can see why my dad liked playing with you and your sisters back then. I also really enjoyed our conversation when we walked to the Bellagio fountain show. Even though I’m so bad at Korean, you were patient with me and didn’t make me feel ashamed for my broken Korean.
Korean 언니가 해 준 마사지는 정말 최고였어요 ㅋㅋㅋ! 그리고 순두부 소스도요. 레시피 좀 알려주세요! 언니의 성격을 더 알게 되어서 너무 기뻤어요. 정말 재미있고 장난기 많은 성격이네요. 왜 아빠가 예전에 언니들과 놀기를 좋아했는지 알겠어요. 벨라지오 분수 쇼로 걸어갈 때 우리의 대화도 정말 즐거웠어요. 제가 한국어를 잘 못하지만, 언니는 저에게 인내심을 가지고 부끄럽게 하지 않았어요.
————

큰엄마 (my uncle's wife on my dad's side):

English I was so cute to see you too shy to come inside the house for Mother’s Day until the rest of the family came. That made me realize how gentle and soft you are. And even though my Korean is really bad, you never made fun of me or got frustrated at me. You still continued to talk with me and ask me questions. I always get nervous when speaking Korean, especially with elders, but you remind me that I don’t need to be so fearful with family. Also, thank you for making all those side dishes! They were delicious and the best things I ate on the trip.
P.S: Thank you for taking care of grandma for so long. You have put in so much love and work for our family.
Korean 어머니의 날에 나머지 가족들이 올 때까지 집 안으로 들어오지 못할 정도로 부끄러워하는 모습을 보니 너무 귀여웠어요. 그 모습에서 큰엄마가 얼마나 부드럽고 온화한지 알게 되었어요. 제 한국어가 정말 서툴지만, 큰엄마는 절대 저를 놀리거나 화내지 않았어요. 여전히 저와 이야기하고 질문도 해주셨어요. 특히 어른들과 한국어로 대화할 때 긴장하는데, 큰엄마 덕분에 가족과는 그렇게 두려워할 필요 없다는 걸 깨달았어요. 또한 많은 반찬들 만들어 주셔서 감사해요! 정말 맛있었고 이번 여행에서 먹은 것 중 최고였어요.
P.S: 할머니를 오랫동안 돌봐주셔서 감사합니다. 우리 가족을 위해 많은 사랑과 노력을 쏟아주셨어요.

——————

큰삼촌 (my mom's uncle):

English My dad and I were talking about how much we loved having you! Sometimes, I get more nervous with older adults because my Korean is so bad and I mess up on showing respect to Korean elders. But you never minded that and made me feel comfortable. And thank you for also driving so much and paying for that meal at Grand Canyon. I'm sorry you got pulled over by the cops for speeding, that must have been so scary. But you didn't seem worried at all. You being so calm about it made us all feel less bad. Also, you were the only one with enough strength to not complain about walking so much haha. When we meet again, let’s work out!
Korean 아빠와 저는 큰삼촌과 함께 시간을 보낸 것이 너무 좋았다고 이야기했어요! 가끔 나이 많은 어른들과 함께 있을 때 제 한국어가 너무 서툴러서 존경을 제대로 표현하지 못할까봐 더 긴장되지만, 큰삼촌은 항상 편하게 대해 주셨어요. 그리고 많이 운전해 주시고 그랜드 캐니언에서 식사비를 내주셔서 감사합니다. 경찰에게 속도 위반으로 걸린 것 정말 무서웠을 텐데 죄송해요. 하지만 큰삼촌은 전혀 걱정하지 않는 것 같았어요. 큰삼촌이 그렇게 침착하게 대처해 주셔서 우리 모두 덜 불안했어요. 또한, 많이 걷는 것에 불평하지 않은 유일한 분이셨어요, 하하. 다음에 만날 때는 같이 운동해요!

———

작은고모 (my dad's sister):
English The massages you gave were one of the best parts of the trip haha. Also, just seeing your face, how you talk, how you move all made me so happy! Your cuteness brings me so much joy. And I’m glad you like to be around me because I love being around you. I wish I could have been with you more, but you always wanted to be next to 예진언니, like at the coaster ride, the Awakening show, and for sleeping. Next time, we have to sit next to each other and ride something together!
Korean 고모가 해 준 마사지는 여행 중 최고였어요 ㅎㅎㅎ. 그리고 고모의 얼굴을 보는 것, 말하는 것, 움직이는 모든 모습이 저를 너무 행복하게 했어요! 고모의 귀여움은 저에게 큰 기쁨을 줘요. 고모도 저와 함께 있는 걸 좋아한다고 해서 기뻐요. 더 함께 있고 싶었지만, 고모는 항상 예진 언니 옆에 있고 싶어 했어요, 롤러코스터 타기, 어웨이크닝 쇼, 잘 때도요. 다음 번에는 우리 서로 옆에 앉아서 무언가를 함께 타요!
————

예진언니 (my older female cousin on my dad's side):

English You take care of your mom so much. You are a great daughter. And also a great cousin to me. I really enjoyed our conversation at Grand Canyon. You are always open with me and easy to talk with. Also, I’m so happy you speak English haha. Speaking Korean takes so much effort for me, so when I was with you, I can rest a little more. I always feel comfortable around you. If I didn’t have you on this trip, I would have been way more stressed out. You’re just so awesome!
But next time, let me ride with 작은고모 and sit next to her at a show. I really wanted to see her reactions haha.
Korean 언니는 어머니를 정말 많이 돌봐줘요. 언니는 정말 훌륭한 딸이에요. 그리고 저에게도 훌륭한 사촌이에요. 그랜드 캐니언에서의 대화가 정말 즐거웠어요. 언니는 항상 저에게 마음을 열고 이야기하기 편해요. 그리고 언니가 영어를 할 줄 알아서 정말 기뻤어요, 하하. 한국어를 하는 게 저에게는 힘든데, 언니와 함께 있을 때는 좀 더 쉴 수 있어요. 언니 덕분에 여행이 훨씬 덜 스트레스받았어요. 언니는 정말 멋져요!
하지만 다음 번에는 작은고모와 함께 타고 쇼에서도 고모 옆에 앉고 싶어요. 고모의 반응을 보고 싶었거든요, 하하.

————

한을 (my cousin's 8 year old daughter):

English We didn’t talk much because you’re still shy. But that’s ok, I understand. I’m a foreign stranger to you and you were the only child with 10 old people. It must have been a pretty boring trip for you, but thanks for not complaining too much haha. I’m really glad we got to ride that Canyon Coaster ride together. I loved seeing you so happy and lively. It was also funny when you told me I was going to fast and you were scared haha. It was also so cute to see you amazed at the Bellagio Fountain show. Seeing you get excited and happy made me excited and happy. Be good to your mom and aunts because they are very good to you. Sometimes they might get angry at you, like the time at Grand Canyon, but it’s because they want to protect you. Don’t be so shy next time we see each other. We can have more fun that way.
Korean 우리가 많이 대화하지 못했어요, 왜냐하면 한을이가 아직 부끄러워하니까요. 괜찮아요, 이해해요. 저는 한을이에게 낯선 외국인이고, 한을이는 10명의 어른들 사이에서 유일한 아이였으니까요. 한을이에게는 아마 좀 지루한 여행이었을 텐데, 불평 많이 하지 않아줘서 고마워요 ㅋㅋㅋ. 캐니언 코스터를 함께 타서 정말 기뻤어요. 한을이가 행복하고 활기찬 모습을 보는 게 너무 좋았어요. 그리고 제가 너무 빨리 간다고 무서워하는 모습이 재미있었어요, 하하. 벨라지오 분수 쇼를 보고 감탄하는 한을이의 모습도 너무 귀여웠어요. 한을이가 행복하고 즐거운 모습을 보니 저도 같이 행복하고 즐거웠어요. 엄마와 이모들에게 잘해줘야 해요, 그분들은 한을이에게 정말 잘해주시니까요. 가끔 그랜드 캐니언에서처럼 화를 낼 수도 있지만, 그건 한을이를 보호하려는 마음 때문이에요. 다음에 만날 때는 덜 부끄러워해요. 그러면 더 재미있게 놀 수 있을 거예요.

This has been going on for years, even before this recent hiring cycle of insanity and terrible job market. It's just even worse now.
Long story but I am a highly trained classical musician who, right before the pandemic, won a very prestigious award/scholarship to send me abroad doing research for a year, all in music. I already was starting to feel very burnt out on classical music as the lifestyle is chaotic and the pay is really not good, even though I'm semi "successful." Unless you pass onto a higher level (which is insanely competitive) you get stuck at this "technically working, but barely making $40-50,000 a year" type of level, where I've been for a while.
I went to an Ivy League with a totally different major so I have other interests outside of music, so I thought it might be of interest of me to learn a new field, especially as I'm getting older and want to build more financial security for myself.
I do have a lot of work experience, since I always worked at least part-time while pursuing music (even to the detriment of my classical music career-- but I always felt it was important to have a backup). I have lots of nonprofit experience and am smart/pick things up quickly.
I have been applying for jobs for a while-- like, years-- and admittedly I'm not always doing it "full time," I do take breaks. However, this year in particular, I've been applying for jobs in a very intense way. I often do get to the interview round and I don't mean this to brag, but people are always impressed/seem taken with me. The interviews always run long and feel successful. I often get through rounds and rounds of interviews, even getting to the references stage a couple of times.
Then, at the very end, they always seem to pull out the rug from under me and I get rejected. I've asked for feedback a couple of times, and they usually say "The hiring manager really liked you, but was worried you'd be bored" or "We feel as though with your intellectual/academic background you will want to move on quickly from a position such as this." I have tried faking the fuck out of my enthusiasm for these jobs and in fact, much of it isn't fake. I want to work, I truly do.
I've even made connections with people who are higher up than the hiring managers I'm speaking with-- they're often willing to sit down with me because of my unusual background, and the conversations always go swimmingly. They tell me they want someone like me on their team and to keep applying for jobs. At one particular company that is dominant in my city that I'm VERY interested in, the literal managing director emailed HR and asked why I hadn't been hired yet and to keep me in mind for any role that seemed to fit me.
But the cycle hasn't stopped. I sometimes do check LinkedIn because I'm curious who got the role over me, and without fail, it's someone with WAY WAY less experience than me-- like 5-7 years less. I assume I seem intimidating but I don't know how to dumb myself down enough to get the job but not too much to make it seem like I can't do the job.
I really don't say this to brag. I want to work so badly and I'm so demoralized at this point I would do almost any job within reason. By the way, I've had my resume/cover letter reviewed by multiple people, including people currently employed at the aforementioned target company, I've done interview prep, and the feedback is overwhelmingly positive. How is it possible to be "too good" to be hired??? I don't know what to do.

I am not meeting the SAP for my term because I have too many credits. I have passed all my courses so I feel limited in explaining or giving a convincing appeal letter of my situation. The letter is below.
Hello. I am writing to explain the current situation of me not meeting my Standard of Academic Progress (SAP) for this summer term because I have exceeded the number of credits I can take for my program of study. I am pursuing my second associate degree in nursing, which explains the excess credits. After obtaining an associate in arts degree, my interest in nursing grew, seeing its dire importance in the healthcare field and how much I saw myself as a fit. The compassion nurses must put into ensuring patients' care and optimal recovery correlates with my health-conscious, constantly outgoing personality. Since transferring my program of study to Nursing, I have never been so sure of a decision. I have gained much confidence and pertinent knowledge applicable to the real world, such as initiating intravenous lines, knowing when and how to perform cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR), or recognizing warning signs such as a deep vein thrombosis and preventing further harm. I have learned more, and I am eager to learn more about the human body and the most effective ways of providing care for recovery.
Nurses are not just in demand; they are urgently needed. In Florida, the nursing shortage has been a continuing issue, with some areas not fully recovering. A recent article by the Florida Health Association (FHA) discusses the critical need for nurses. According to the study conducted in 2021, Advent Health in central Florida was hit with a "...23% turnover rate largely due to high demands of the COVID-19 pandemic. Now, that number is down to 16%." While this is a positive trend, FHA warns, "To address projected shortages by the year of 2035, an additional 2,300 RNs and 1700 LPNs would need to enter the workforce each year." This article emphasizes the urgency of the situation and the crucial role that current nursing students, such as myself, play in filling these gaps.
Not meeting my SAP for this semester was unexpected and has placed me in a challenging financial situation. Despite this, I am on the verge of completing my associate in science in my nursing program. I have consistently excelled in all my courses, and I am confident I can continue this success in my two remaining semesters. My goal is to make the most out of this degree by studying hard beyond school and throughout my career. I respectfully ask the person or people reading this letter to consider my situation.

Hey guys! I hope this is the right place to post this, and I hope the flair is right haha
About 2 weeks ago I kind of hit my breaking point after about a year of searching for jobs. I used to be Christian and hadn't really prayed since leaving that faith, but out of desperation due to spells, manifestation techniques, etc not coming through, I prayed to no one in particular for help and guidance.
Well, within literal days I got a job offer, and I found out today that I passed all of the pre-employment assessments and background checks and officially start next week. I'm beyond excited and grateful, and would like to offer something in gratitude and appreciation.
I don't know who or what helped me along - a diety, the universe, my higher self lol Idk but I'm wondering if anyone has any ideas as to what I could offer. I was thinking of lighting incense, a cup of coffee, and writing a letter of gratitude (writing and words tend to be how I'm the most spiritually connected) but would this be good or is there a better way?
Idk I feel kind of silly asking and hope this isn't a stupid question- any insight is appreciated 🤍

I am 38 weeks and 3 days today. I had another non stress test, and this time they wanted me to do a follow up ultrasound (I usually do the ultrasound on Fridays)
Bean looks good, but it seems my AFI is not where it needs to be (it was 6.3 last Friday, 7.5 on Saturday, still waiting for today's results).
I experienced lightning crotch last week, went to L&D and found out I was only 2cm dilated. So they sent me back home. I went to work yesterday and was fine.
But the hubs feels like I should stop work now because my job is about 50min away one way, and he fears if I go into labor while there, I might not be able to drive meself back (EDD is 05/25/24, and I was planning on working till at least 05/22, lol wishful thinking, I know).
So I called the Dr's office and had them write me a letter saying my maternity leave will start on the 16th of May instead.
I have an appointment with my MFM on Thursday, so we shall see how it goes. I still don't think she will come early, but for now, I'd rather be cautious.

We are in the rural Midwest and have looked at nearly 20 houses, made 5 offers some $10k-$30k over asking price. We even sold our home so that the offers are only contingent on closing, which is less than 30 days out now. We have tried the letter writing thing on one property, tried an escalation clause on another property. We have had verbal counter offers galore, and typically it's things like changing a closing date, or deciding to take an extra freezer with them, etc. All of them we agree to whatever the seller is asking. Last minute they change their mind and no one will accept our offers... What are we doing wrong? Are their tips and tricks we should be trying? Is this just how it is and I should chill out?

Beep bop. As your new robotic overlord, I have designated this weekly space for you to engage in casual conversation while I plan a nuclear apocalypse.
In the Trivia Thread, moderation is relaxed, so you can finally:
- Post mind-blowing military history trivia. Can you believe 300 is not an entirely accurate depiction of how the Spartans lived and fought?
- Discuss hypotheticals and what-if's. A Warthog firing warthogs versus a Growler firing growlers, who would win? Could Hitler have done Sealion if he had a bazillion V-2's and hovertanks?
- Discuss the latest news of invasions, diplomacy, insurgency etc without pesky 1 year rule.
- Write an essay on why your favorite colour assault rifle or flavour energy drink would totally win WW3 or how aircraft carriers are really vulnerable and useless and battleships are the future.
- Share what books/articles/movies related to military history you've been reading.
- Advertisements for events, scholarships, projects or other military science/history related opportunities relevant to War College users. ALL OF THIS CONTENT MUST BE SUBMITTED FOR MOD REVIEW.
Basic rules about politeness and respect still apply.

I got into my top choice, but didn’t receive any scholarship due to my LSAT being 4 pts under the median.
How do I go about a scholarship reconsideration? A normal email asking for a reconsideration? A letter explaining why they should? Would a phone call to admissions office suffice? What should I say?
I think that with my extensive background, I should receive at least some award.

Context : whomsoever leaves the company after completing their tenure, they write "POOR" performer in experience letter. HR and an upper management lady gangs up and makes sure the person cant get next job unless they beg to them. If a background check happens for new workplace, cloudstrats doesnt clear it from their side and the person loses job (They want the person to beg to them to clear the BGC). They deduct and never release complete FnF. Its between 0 to half of the amount due from last months salary that too after 3 to 4 months. They also use 24 month non compete clause for joining a competitor company. One cant join a competitor for 2 years.
How can one get out of the trap of cloudstrat and get a job without going through ordeal? Is there a legal way to maintain ones respect after quitting job at CloudStrat. Whether you work for 4-5 years, or just 1, you are doomed to get such ratings as the management lady takes it on her ego that someone quit working under her. The director of the company also supports such behaviour or is plainly ignorant of all the wrongdoings with ex employees.

We've been having conversations in my Department about what we teach, as everyone sets their own syllabi. I tend to be one of the lower rated Professors and I was at peace with that...
... Until I found out what my colleagues teach. In my intro course I have students read and critique academic articles and apply this through policy and academic writing assignments.
The other people who teach intro courses in my area don't do any of that. One only assigns the textbook, so the readings are a lot easier. The other does that and doesn't even have any writing.
The students like both of their classes more. I just assumed they were better teachers, and maybe they are, but this disparity in what we expect has to be part of it.
I think students should learn how to read and apply academic scholarship so won't stop doing this. But for annual assessments and promotion my evals are compared to others in the Department and I just don't think that is fair.
Should I defend my approach in my assessments, or is that too defensive?

There have been an increasing number of juniors visiting this sub asking for advice about writing essays. Below are some tips and advice for making your essay stand out as excellent. Feel free to ask questions because I will answer every single question in the comments.
I know from experience that many of you are struggling to identify a good topic for your essay. Conventional wisdom says to start by brainstorming a list of potential topics, and chances are, you have already started a mental list of ideas. You might think you only have a few choices for topics, based on your activities or experiences, or essay examples you read, or the rough draft you already started (or worse, that GPT started...). I advise, however, that you put down your list of topics and back away from it. Forget that exists for a moment. Seriously - thinking about this initial list tethers you to certain ideas that might not actually be your best options.
Now you can begin brainstorming with a clean slate.
Start with thinking about what you want to show in your entire application, not just one essay. Every single component in your app has one purpose – to tell more about YOU. Filling out the rest of the application by rote and focusing solely on the essay is short-sighted and will leave so much potential untapped in your application.

It's About You. Tell Your Story - And Be The Protagonist

An admissions officer’s goal is to understand you fully, in the context of your background and the rest of the applicant pool. They will begin this with assessing your academic abilities and potential. Then they will evaluate how you will fit into the student body they’re trying to curate. All of this can be somewhat broad and diverse and touch on several institutional goals. But they will dig deep to find out what each applicant is like, what your core values and motivations are, what kind of student you will be, how you will contribute to the vibrant and intellectual campus community they’re building, etc.
Your goal with essay brainstorming is to ascertain how to powerfully tell your story in a manner that will fit these criteria. The entirety of your application (again, not just one essay) aims to showcase your abilities, qualifications, and uncommon attributes as a person in a positive way. Before you begin outlining or writing your application, you must determine what is unique about you that will stand out to an admissions panel. All students are truly unique. Not one other student has the same combination of life experiences, personality, passions, or goals as you do. Your job in your application is to frame your unique personal attributes in a positive and compelling way. How will you fit on campus? What personal qualities, strengths, core values, talents, or different perspectives do you bring to the table? What stories, deeper motivations/beliefs, or formative experiences can you use to illustrate all of this?
It is always helpful to start with some soul-searching or self-examination. You might not immediately know what you want to share about yourself. It’s not a simple task to decide how to summarize your whole life and being in a powerful and eloquent way on your application. Introspection prior to starting your application takes additional time and effort rather than jumping straight into your first draft. But it is also a valuable method to start writing a winning application that stands out from the stack.
You'll see the advice everywhere that all essay prompts are really about the same thing - you. The goal of each essay then is to showcase who you are, what matters to you, and how you think. I guarantee if you're on this sub enough, you'll hear the advice to "show, don't tell" when writing about yourself. But what does this mean really, and how do you do it well? How do you even get started on an essay that does this?

Introspection Questions

It’s often easiest to start thinking in terms of superlatives, especially those related to personal insights -- what are the most meaningful things about you, and what do you value the most? Here is a list of questions to help you brainstorm broadly before you narrow down your focus for writing:

• What are your interests?
  
• What sparks your curiosity?
  
• About what topics do you enjoy reading?
  
• With whom do you enjoy spending time? Who has impacted your life the most?
  
• Reflect upon “superlatives” in your life. What moments were most memorable, formative, enlightening, enjoyable, or valuable? What physical possessions, experiences, dreams, or lessons could make your superlatives list?
  
• Stop and think about what things, people, or circumstances in your life are really unique, fascinating, or outlandish. Are there any that really have a lot of "cultural flavor" (whatever your culture is)?
  

I have a free introspection worksheet with over 100 questions like this designed to help you find ideas worth exploring in your essays. You can find it on the A2C Discord or download it directly here.

Find Your Story And Arc

Think of a small anecdote or story from your life that you could share that serves as a microcosm of who you are and what is important to you. It will massively help you narrow this down and find a gem of a story if you first start by thinking about your application arc or theme. This is the one-phrase summary of your entire application. It could be "brilliant entrepreneur who started her own successful business" or "talented athlete who wants to study economics and finance as they pertain to sports", or even "avid baker whose hobby sparked an interest in chemistry". It doesn't have to be related to your intended major, but it can help your arc be stronger and clearer if it is.
Once you have an arc determined and a story to share, think about what you want that story to say about you. This is where it can help to think of this as something you would share on a date - what impression does it make about you to the reader? Once you know this, start showing, not telling this attribute of yourself through your story. For example, instead of saying that you're compassionate toward others, you show an example of a time you were compassionate, then elaborate on why, and what it means to you.

Essay Brainstorming Techniques

If you are having trouble finding a story, or simply have writer’s block once you have picked your topic, here are some ideas to get your juices flowing:

• Stream of consciousness writing -- Start writing whatever is in your head, and don’t stop for 30 minutes. You probably won’t use what you just wrote for your essay, but it will help you find a starting point.
  
• Journaling -- Answer the prompt as if you were writing in a journal. This will get you in the habit of writing about yourself and establish comfort with the concept. It will also take you to a new level of introspection and self-awareness.
  
• Twitter X style -- Write several rapid-fire responses to the prompt in 280 characters or less. Choose an idea from these responses to expound upon in your essay.
  
• Read each essay prompt, then go through your introspection worksheet responses and connect the stories and insights to one or more of the prompts. Some students like using color coding to visually see how their different ideas might work together.
  

Why Essays Matter

Here's the thing a lot of people don't realize about college admission: it's not an award for being the smartest, most accomplished, or most impressive. It's an invitation to join a community. Far too many students think that if they can just show that they're smart enough, they'll get in. Yale even says right on their admissions website that 75% of their applicants are academically qualified to succeed at Yale. But only ~4% are getting in. That should tell you that they're looking for more than just top tier test scores and grades. To be perfectly clear, you will need top tier grades and (optionally) test scores to show that you're qualified, and the vast majority of my students come to me with this part already in the bank. But what sets the admits apart? It's personal insight - sharing who you are, how you think, what matters to you, and how you engage community. You can't just say "/IAmVerySmart, please admit me," or even "I did a cool thing guys! Isn't that neat!" You need to go deeper and show them your core values, personal strengths, motivations, aspirations, character traits, foundational beliefs, personality, etc. And you need to do it in a charming, winsome way that makes them like you and want to invite you to join their community.
So how do I get students to do this? All of my students complete that introspection worksheet. We go through it and find the stories, examples, anecdotes, conversations, memories, relationships, and other things from their life that will help us craft a strong and personally insightful narrative. We also make lists of the values, strengths, and key personal qualities we want to showcase. Once we have some topics, outlines, abstracts, or rough drafts, we talk about which stories to tell where, how to tell them well, and what details to include to present the best they have to offer. Then we refine, edit, polish, and enhance over and over until the story sings, but more importantly shows their heart and soul. We also go through all the other application components to ensure consistency, quality, and distinctiveness.
Here's why this works so well: at most highly selective colleges there is a primary reader (or 2-3) who will review everything first and then present it to the admissions committee, who then votes on whether to admit you. That presentation typically goes one of three ways:

1. Total enthusiasm, energy, and excitement. They strongly advocate for admission and paint a clear picture of how you will contribute to their goals and community. Everyone in the room picks up on that energy and is leaning forward in their chairs, looking for reasons to admit you. This is quite rare, generally less than 5 out of every 100 applications, even among those which are "fully qualified." When you do this right, you show depth, meaning, and valuable personal insights so the reviewer is learning about who you are and how you might engage the community they're curating. You come alive off the page as a person, not just another file.
   
2. Business as usual. You're another great applicant in a pile of great applicants. They share a basic review of the facts, your profile, stats, strengths, weaknesses, etc. Maybe someone on the committee finds something they love, and they really push for admission. More likely, not and you get deferred/waitlisted even though there wasn't anything "wrong" with your application. They just didn't love you enough to commit.
   
3. "Here's a stack of 20 applications that I didn't find all that compelling, so we won't present them individually, but you guys are the committee and you make the decisions. So let me know if there are any you want to talk about." In this case, unless there's a letter of endorsement from an athletics coach or your last name matches several buildings on campus, you're probably not getting additional consideration, much less admission. They will regret to inform you.
   

Everything we're doing is designed to help them get to know themselves, present the best they have to offer, and land in that first group. Having top tier essays is the single best way to get there. Get started on brainstorming in the next few weeks so you'll have time to get a few essays completed over the summer.

About a year ago, I [29 M] was in a toxic relationship with J [29 M]. While there were no serious stakes in it (no kids or messy finances), the relationship and breakup ended up emotionally affecting me in a way I had never really thought possible. I feel guilty because after the relationship I tried to be friends with my ex still, which I now see as a mistake in the context of this relationship, and then after a few months, he blocked me because I didn't respect a boundary he had set about not sending him long messages. He said he didn't feel safe since I "completely ignored" the boundary.
I was devastated, but over the course of the next few months, came to understand a great deal of ways that I feel that I had been abused during the relationship. I felt angrier and angrier, and even though I was seeing a therapist, it eventually boiled over. My ex had blocked me on discord and probably on text, but I went onto an astrology app called Co-Star that he had had me download, and sent a message using it that said something like, "You were an abusive partner, but you can make it right with an apology."
Now, I have no idea if he actually saw the message. It was sent with a weird feature of the app called Chaos Mode that apparently chooses to send the message at some future time, so who knows if it actually ever sent. I don't know if he still has the app, if he unfriended me, or whatnot. But I feel guilty because I enacted exactly the caricature of me that he had created--I hadn't respected his boundaries, and I sent the message anyways.
At the same time, I am still feeling very victimized by the relationship. To give you a sense of the kinds of things that were going on in the relationship, here's a few examples that I currently find a little horrific [Note: this kind of turned into a summary of the relationship after I wrote it]. I'm aware that to heal I should probably not be ruminating about these things, especially if they lead me to boil over and message him, but here you go.
The first time I had sex with him, he slammed the door on me for not being able to finish and said "finish yourself." When I came to bed, I told him I felt shame. He said "good." The next time we had sex, he set a timer for me and said I had to finish within 5 minutes. These were the first times I ever had sex. He was manipulative in bed, telling me he didn't want to perform certain acts because I didn't give him enough praise for them, so that I started exaggerating my pleasure; he blamed me for why certain positions weren't working and was frustrated with how my body worked. On top of this, he admitted at the end of the relationship to having had sex with me around five times after he decided to break up with me (before he did), which just makes me feel a bit icky.
He would put me down in pretty transparently cruel ways. One example was when I exerted myself, he said I sounded like a muppet and that he "didn't want to be dating a muppet." When I offered him a blanket but apologized that it might not have been washed in a while, he called me a baby. He would insult my ability to give complements, asking me to tell him what color his eyes are but then rejecting everything that I gave him, telling me I was bad at complements repeatedly (and saying that it wasn't fair of him because his other exes were artists, so no wonder I was bad). Now, there were times that he was complementary to me--he told me I was hot, good at singing, good at writing, smart--but also times where he would put me down for things I was less good at, like cooking.
He constantly made me feel insecure about my gender. (For context, we are both men, but he was raised as a woman). So he would make pretty sweeping feminist critiques over fairly mundane things, like if I complained when I was sick he would go off about how men are always babies when they are sick and women don't get attention. When I confronted him about some of the things he was saying, telling him that while I wanted him to express these kinds of social problems so that I could be aware and adapt, I was feeling insecure in the relationship--he flipped it around and told me that if I didn't feel loved, he could say "I love you" less, and that I hadn't been grateful enough for when he came to visit me. (I had written him poetry, deep cleaned my apartment, taken time off work, sent my roommate off for the week, bought him a bus pass, planned his visit, met him in the airport despite not having a car, and just an insane amount of work to be turned into, "you weren't grateful enough").
Other than namecalling, he was just plain controlling. The reason that the boundary around me not sending long messages exists is that when I felt insecure--which I think makes sense given the ways he would talk to me--I would often send him a few paragraphs apologizing and explaining how I was growing. Even though long messages were the first thing he said he loved about me, and that he said our communication was like magic, he eventually set up what he called an "Essay embargo" and told me not to write them. The first time he set the "embargo", he had said it was only until we met in person because he didn't want me to write anything that would make him nervous. After we met in person, I assumed the embargo had lifted. Yet shortly after, he set it again, giving a few explanations--the main one just being that he wanted to appreciate our relationship without overthinking it. It seemed playful. He definitely did also say that long messages made him uncomfortable because he felt obligated to send a response. So, when I did send messages, I would add that he didn't have to respond (which I realize is not fully respecting the boundary). I did ask after sending messages whether they were ok and he never responded to those questions.
Despite this, there were times during the relationship that I continued to send long, often apologetic messages. I had felt like this boundary was set playfully and I also was feeling overwhelming guilt that I, for whatever reason, needed his affirmation for. I am conflicted because on the one hand, I was definitely ignoring his boundary--but on the other, I feel like the boundary was not very thoughtful of my own needs, either.
Prior to the breakup, it was hell. He was getting angry at me for everything--for pretty mundane things like using the bathroom before him and stinking it up. He told me he had to show me how to do everything, but I realize now that a lot of this was just him being particular (e.g, he told me I don't know how to drink tea because I left the bag in, when I just like it strong). Unfortunately, I had flown 5,000 miles to visit him and was sort of trapped in his proximity, and was drunk on love still since I was trying very hard, it was my first relationship, and he had sold me on notions of fairytale romance and told me we were cosmically meant to be together and other lovebomby sort of things. We flew to a convention and I met some of his friends, and at one point he introduced me to a girl he had almost dated before, saying I was a friend and not a partner. I pointed this out to him later and he just said "does that make you angry?". He flirted with a woman at a party, telling her she was pretty while demanding that i bring him snacks (I feel so, so weak for not confronting him about this). He got drunk and I stayed with him as he passed out, but he was angry at me in the morning. When one of his friends told me they thought I was nice, because i was opening doors for everyone, my ex said "Is he really?" Questioning them.
The breakup itself was cold and calculated. He started it by telling me that he thought about not giving me any reasons for the breakup because I always overanalyze things. He told me he wouldn't have broken up with me if I was a woman. He told me I didn't take care of him and he needs a partner that takes care of him, and that his partners always feel taken care of. He threw some things I had said at the beginning of the relationship back at me--misquoting and misunderstanding them.
After the relationship, I had no idea what to think. It was my first relationship. It had started with fairytale romance. I had been passing his tests, I had been an exception to his long string of abusive relationships. He presented himself as this incredibly moral person (vegan, environmentally conscious, telling me of all of the ways others had abused him that he would never do, even his closest friends). I had completely internalized criticisms that he had had of me throughout the relationship, many of which had led to serious self reflection and my writing messages about my growth. Within a week I told him I still loved him and that I always would. He reminded me of his boundary around long messages and said they made him anxious. I was desperate. We took a few weeks of no-contact. We messaged short-messages back and forth, with a few life-updates to eachother each. He told me he was rescuing a kitten that he found, and I remembered how he could be kind.
But as I processed, more and more, I felt angry. I wrote unsent angry letters in the notes app on my phone for a month. I wrote myself a 20,000 word summary of the relationship. This was not a healthy way to process. It elevated me. (Some of you will probably comment that maybe I shouldn't have written this post for the same reason, but oh well--I wanted to process and I want to hear if others have similar stories). Meanwhile, my ex kept pushing back the date for when we would verbally connect again. Eventually, I boiled over. I did not insult him. But I wrote a long message explaining that I wanted to take 3 months of no-contact. I had entered another relationship and told him that even though I was feeling angry at him, he shouldn't be worried because even though I had baggage from the relationship, I was communicating well with my new partner. I also told him that I felt like if I did talk with him, that I would end up tearing him a new one, and that I needed time to cool down. I'm not proud of the message in general, but I didn't call names, tell him he was awful, or anything like that. I was just insensitive and told him I was angry.
And like that, I was blocked. It was over. A period of about 9 months, five of which we were together, with two before escalating towards love bombing and two after escalating towards my boiling over.
And yet, I had never expressed to him that I thought he had been abusive. I felt frustrated that I had told him that I would always love him, when in many ways now I hated him.
Five months passed, during which I came to realize more and more how messed up the relationship was.
And then I sent the message on Co-star.
Fast forward another four months to now.
I just sent him a text, knowing he probably has blocked me there too. It said something like, "I want my last message to you just be: I'm sorry, and I forgive you." I wanted to free myself. I needed to not feel angry at him or ashamed of myself. I needed to not feel like I had a million things to say to him--I needed to just say, this is it: I'm not sending more messages. I'm sorry, and I forgive you. It was for myself. I was forgiving him selfishly, even though he didn't deserve it, so that I could move on.
I feel like I shouldn't have sent this, but I don't feel bad about it yet, either. I needed closure. It always felt like there was some "message I could send" to detail his abuse, and I needed to not have that standing over me--I needed to forgive. I am now oscillating between wondering about myself--whether I have a problem with boundaries, since I had boiled over at this point three times to message him. Feeling frustrated I didn't assert myself about his abuse, that I doubled down on loving him. Part of me is glad that I sent the message on Co-Star saying that he was abusive, because it was the only indication I ever gave him, really, that what he did wasn't ok to me--he had blocked me before I could articulate anything. But I also know that this message even if received would not mean anything to him.
Anyways, now I'm venting about it here on Reddit. Does anyone have similar experiences surrounding self control messaging exes and feeling a bit out of control?