Girlfriend phone signures to have

It's a Bird is a 2004 Graphic Novel by Steven T. Seagle. It is about Seagle being offered writing duties on the Superman comic and his despair at this. You see Seagle doesn't identify with Superman. He hates him as a character who is perfect in literally every way and therefore unwritable. He's under a time limit before the comic is offered to other writers. The book is about how he came to find a window into understanding Superman through his own personal medical circumstances.
Sounds riveting right? Yep, just as it sounds. The artstyle is washed out colour and for at least the first 50 pages of a 132 page book, I was rather bored senseless as things seemed to be going nowhere.
And then there were a couple of pages which gave me a revelation. Mr. Seagle is an INTP and It's a Bird is, on the surface, about his struggles with Superman, but under the surface is a literal graphic representation of the INTP thought process.
I've written this out a few times and tried to link to images of the pages, and automod keeps deleting the posts, so I'm gonna have to do quotes of speech bubbles. Edit. Reddit formatting is a pain. Different scenes are separated by -------

Seagle: "One thing writers have in common is the need to procrastinate. People don't really understand this, but it's not avoiding work. It IS work."
Seagle's Girlfriend Lisa: "What's wrong? And Don't say 'Nothing' or I'll pour this on your receding hairline"
Seagle: "This... guy on the train... construction worker. He was asking me all these questions about comics. He was going on and on about justice and super heroes but he... he had no idea what he was talking about."
Lisa: "Wait, aren't you always complaining that no one is interested in comics anymore? This guy was interested but that's a problem too?"
Seagle: "This is the face I make... when Lisa repeats things I'd previously said to prove that what I'm saying now contradicts what I said before. Doesn't she understand that I'm trying to be depressed and angry? And that logic is only going to get in the way of that?"
"Why do you always side with the people I'm complaining about? I'm your well-educated boyfriend and this guy was a construction worker. He obviously doesn't..."

Lisa: Oh, so his opinion matters less because he works with his hands? Supposedly 'all men are created equal'. When did you get so superior?"

Seagle: "I... I... I'm going to stay at my brother's for a while."
Lisa: "What? You hardly even talk to your brother. Why? Wait are you saying you're moving out?"
Seagle: "I need quiet. I can't think here. I can't... work."
Lisa: "And the reason you can't work is me? Isn't it you who says "Ideas come from everywhere?" Everywhere but me I guess. You can't write Superman because I'm bothering you too much?"
Seagle: "Even Superman has his fortress of solitude"
Lisa: "Do not even start talking comic book crap to me as a justification for your lame behaviour."
Seagle: "What? It's the first thing I've related to about him... A place to go and just THINK. A place not to be badgered 24 hours a day by people who have to know everything about him."
Lisa: "I badger you? Asking if you're alright is having to know everything about...? You know what? You stay and I'll go."
Seagle: "I want to stop her... but her heartbreak is easier to accept than my own."
Seagle then stays in bed for weeks, ignoring all phone calls until everyone thinks he is dead.

Eventually Seagle does have a redemption arc, I won't spoil it but it does make the slog through the first half of the book somewhat worth it. In the grand scheme of things, the story of a writer overcoming writer's block really isn't worth much, but in terms of visualisation of the INTP thought process - especially for people who don't understand INTPs, this book is fucking gold. This should be on the bookshelf of all INTPs. Highly recommended. Especially to people with a Lisa in their life.
So. Do you relate to Superman?

TL;DR tl;dr Girlfriend kissed someone when we just got together, I found out by going on her phone. How can i learn to trust her again? Its making me feel insecure and mental but I want to move on. I think she genuinely fucked up. But part of me cant see past her having fun and enjoying it. Its crippling me. Reasoning in full text but I want to move on.
I started seeing this girl in october, in december we’d been dating weekly, she went on a works night out.
Her behaviour on text was weird that night and I suspected she’d done something. For the next few months I was very insecure and quizzed her on this a few times a month, causing problems and arguments, gave her plenty of opportunity to admit something had gone on.
I was so insecure as she was starting to push away due to me constantly going on at her, i checked her phone. I shouldn’t have but I did. And it turned out she had kissed a coworker. This has obviously made me feel very very insecure as she had denied it for so long and had so many opportunities to admit she’d done this. And would she have even told me had I not sneaked around and checked her phone?
She said it’s because it was the beginning of us getting together and my ex was still trying to make contact. Would this cause women / people to feel insecure even though I told her at every opportunity my ex texted me and told her it was nothing to worry about? Is that a valid reason to go behind my back when we were clearly exclusive and I’d told her this was all I wanted, for her to kiss a guy from work?
She said he came onto her and then they said they shouldn’t. She knew this person it wasn’t random. However claims she doesn’t speak to him anymore. She wouldn’t block on instagram which is where they spoke to him when I’d shown insecurity, and noticed she was deleting messages from him. She says she hasn’t spoke to him on there since the morning after that night.
I kicked off the day after this happened, when i said she had acted strangely, not knowing she had kissed him but suspected it back in december. And i think this solidified that i was serious about her, she apologised and this was the first time I’d really shown i cared and been really emotional. To the point she introduced me to her parents the next week and showed genuine sorrow. We then spent 2 weeks together, still not knowing she had done this and it was the longest we’d spent together to date. And thats when it was serious,she told me how much she wanted this and how this was what she wanted, all she wanted. I think thats when she realised.
I understand people make mistakes drunk but can I forgive her? She says she won’t do it again, do you think it was to do with my Ex or did she want to do this for my attention, or just because she wanted attention from someone else? I can’t stop thinking about her being on nights out and further hiding things from me as she kept this from me for around 3 months til i checked her phone. Its less about the kiss but about her lying to me. She says its because she didn’t want to hurt me, thats understandable but can I trust her or should I trust her again?
Is if a valid reason that she thought my ex would crop up over christmas (a week after this happened) after texting me all the time, and that she thought i’d go back to her. Or is it a shit excuse

I can't believe it's come to this, but there's a bit of context required I think.
So I never used to really care about being paticularly feminine, it has always been kind of jarring when someone mistakes me for a man (I'm 5'2 and have huge boobs and long hair) but I thought I was pretty comfortable in myself. I haven't ever been really interested in makeup, hairstyles or dresses but have always thought women who are good at that stuff look nice and appreciated the amount of effort they make - I never had any hate toward them for doing that.
Last year I caught my partner of 16 years on dating apps have online relationships with multiple women - it had been going on for about 6 months and had started with those AI girlfriends and ended with him being the victim of a pig butchering scam (karma?), there were some actual women mixed in too. All the women he was chatting to online were all well put together and beautiful in their photos. In his defense when I found out he stopped, let me go through his phone and have access when I needed to reassure myself etc. We hadn't been nurturing our relationship as we should have been, life had got in the way and he has bee pretty good since. It took time but I'm not suspicious of him anymore. I know what he did is his fault and so does he. We have worked hard together over the last year to be better together.
The part that lingers is how I'm feeling about myself and women who do being a woman better than I ever will. I feel ugly, like I don't compare, like even when I try to look more feminine I'm failing at it, like I look wrong and out of place. But what's worse is how I have started thinking about other women and I didn't even really clock it straight away. It was only because I was getting to know another woman at work a bit better and my perception of her shifted, I realised I had basically been hating on her because her body is better than mine, her makeup is on point, her hair is lovely, she dresses well, she's a little younger than me and ngl this woman is legit beautiful. Instead of thinking all that I had been imagining her as a vacuous bitch who is a threat to me (how? She's lovely and married with kids).
Other than making an effort to get to know more women like this wtf do I do?
I don't want any suggestions about leaving my partner, that is still something we're working through it could happen regardless but I don't think that will solve this particular problem anyway.

HIIIII!!! I 21F overthink alot and I was wondering if anyone who is Japanese or have been to japan could look at my virgo moon overthinking and see if I was being delulu or if this waiter was flirting with me and if I should try to pursue it. This all took place in a Japanese bar. B-31M Bartender (European) T- 20M Waiter boy in question (Japanese) K-ME (Wasian) first when we got there the first time. He gave me drink recommendations.gave me a phone charger bank without me asking cause he noticed I needed one. Was the one to set up my birthday stuff, and also asked me my name and when said it in Japanese went “really? That’s cute” he kept checking on me and then gave me another recommendation without me asking. And made the drink himself and gave it to me. he kept coming to talk to me about his time working at usj and then took our picture. he took a shot with me and taught me how to say cheers in the “young adult way”when I was given birthday stuff he was the one to come up to me and tell me to sit. I look over and he is standing behind me with both his arms fully up and going crazy. he also gave me water immediately after our shot together he then ran to me when he thought we were leaving even though it was sooooo busy. he ran to the elevator to say goodbye to us. The elevator is outside the bar and he left his post to come say bye. Next day. When I enter he immediately smiles and goes “K!!” And then brushes his hair back so it’s pushed back. Then I sit at the bar , not the tables and he finds every reason to come up to me and try to talk to me. (His post is the tables not the bar) He gets a coaster from right next to me when he could’ve just gone to the other side of the bar to get it or somewhere else. He gives me a recommendation again and leans super close.Friend noticed he kept trying to get into my line of sight and talk to me. I was sitting near the close area of the servers and everytime he came over to check the orders he would glance at me and see me and try to talk to me. He told me his favorite drink and tried super hard to talk in English. He told me when he was getting off and wanted to take a shot with me got me water without me asking cause he remembered I didn’t like the shot. He said goodbye when he was leaving to just me when he talked to us he only talked and looked at me. He coughed and I went you ok? In Japanese and he looked over and smiled and went yes yes don’t worry .He gave just me his instagram and immediately after work liked my story. When talking about the servers to B he would come over and try to join the convo.We asked B ages of everyone and even though it was busy T came over and suddenly asked us ages. He asked friend one and went ok ok.. skipped my next friend and went “K ???” And I went Oh “21” he was so excited and said “03”??? And I said yes and he was admit that we should be friends because we were the same age. (My other friends were all 03 as well) Asked us what we did and kept wanting to see my pictures of me in my kimono. He kept coming over to the bar and asking B about us.The kicker is that B told us once T was getting ready to leave, “Do with this information what you will, but T has a girlfriend…” I am confused as to why B told me the T has a girlfreind as wouldn’t he tell me that beforehand or did he only tell me after?

Hey, my girlfriend has an Apple gift card on her account (25 dollars) and she has No idea what to do with it. So she asked me if i wanted anything. And I want to buy something in a game. I wonder if she downloads the same game as I have on her iPhone, can she then log in to my game center account and buy it on her phone and then will I have it on my game on my iPhone?

My ex girlfriend who physically abused me for years resulting in permanent facial disfigurement is back. After I cut contact with her, she went off-line for a very long time. I had a feeling she would be back because she’s a vengeful type.
To be honest, I deserved it. I’m a trans man and she dated me. I found out later she had trauma associated with mad to the point she was triggered by anyone who looked even remotely masculine. It’s still my fault. I should’ve been able to figure out based off some of the things she said in the early days that this would be a problem, but I didn’t. Right now, based off some of the things she said, in the early days, it’s very clear that she had trauma associated with men, particularly bisexual men like me. There are things she said in the early days that made this very clear now in retrospect, but back then I didn’t pick up on it because I’m a fucking douche bag. Yes, she chose to pursue me, but I should’ve turned her down.
Things got serious she moved in with me. That was when she actually told me about her trauma. She wanted me to do transition, I didn’t want to. I wasn’t even on hrt at the time But they were many things about me that were masculine that made her uncomfortable. For instance, my voice has always been very deep to the point of my mom, someone who also has trauma associated with men to the point of hating all of them and thinking they’re all evil, hit me in the face over it too. But I can’t blame either of them for it. They are frightened women and they have full right to hit anybody who makes them feel unsafe.
I thought I would never see her again, but unfortunately she’s back in my life. I ran onto her Facebook account the other day. She also cyber stalked me for about a year after we broke up and called me a lot. I disappeared for a while before resurfacing, and I thought I was OK. I don’t think I am though because I’ve been getting a lot of funny phone calls recently from a number with a Michigan area code. It’s not her number, but she could’ve changed it, and she is the only person I know from Michigan.
I can’t prove it, but I’m a little worried she may have been trying to reach me when I was at a hotel a few days ago. Early in the morning, like 5 AM, I received a phone call on the phone they have in the room. I picked up And all I heard was breathing and they hung up. That one didn’t have caller ID on it, so I don’t know who called me, but I’ve been on edge ever since.

I am so unsure about my wife.

Dear Reddit. I come to you with my hat in my hand as I do not know what to do. I am split down the middle in terms of self respect, love, and fear.

I 36(M) have known my wife 35(F), since we were 18, and have been married since 2016

We have 2 kids M(8), F(9), a house, jobs, cars, dogs.

But things from the past have now come back to haunt me, and I am unsure about everything, about respect, love, pride, attractiveness, safe to say my mind is in the biggest turmoil it has ever been. I’m going to cut straight to the chase, with a little about me in order to get my point across as clear as I can.

We met young, and I found my soulmate with no prior experience with woman. She was my first everything, while I know that she has had a few sexual partners. This didn’t bother me at first, but years down the line I found out that while I was head over heels for this girl, she met with a random guy and had sex. (We were not a couple then, but became a few weeks later) She has not had many sexual partners; from what I’ve been told I am her 7th partner.

I must admit still to this day that, this episode doesn’t affect me much anymore, but with all that has/is happening right now its re-surfaces and stings like a needle.

Throughout our relationship she has done things that crosses my boundaries. Let me come with the examples here:

1) We were at a party with mutual friends, and one of our friends was hooking up with a guy, we went into their room and started teasing them as they were making out. Out of the blue, my wife, then girlfriend, grabbed his crotch and said “It’s not even hard” right in front of me, I obviously got furious, and we had a fight but made up over a few days.

2) During her school year, she had to travel to Germany with her class, and be with a German family as part of her education, sort of like an exchange student. While she was in Germany she went out with her entire class for drinks, and from what she says there was a few guys that was making moves on her, and since she got drunk and had no way to figure out how to get home safe to her exchange family, she decided to head home with one of her male classmates to his exchange family and went to sleep in his room. As she put it, he slept on the floor, and she slept in the bed. And he was a friend, not one of those making moves.

3) We were once again with mutual friends at a BBQ and was later heading out into the cityLife to hit up bars and discos. Me and my best friend were on the toilet, putting wax in our hair, putting on fresh cologne and all that jazz. She the suddenly burst in, saying she really needs to pee, proceeds to pull down her pants and thong, honestly from what I remember you could see everything. We had a big fight about this again.


4) This episode was last summer during two mutual friends that got married. She was the toastmaster, and after all was done, she needed to do a wardrobe change. We went to our hotel room; she got changed to another more comfortable dress. While walking back, we could see some of our mutual friends with their husbands, and she decided to lift up her entire dress up to the start of her bra and do a silly side-to-side dance. Everyone saw it no questions asked. I again got furious, and I told her calmly, that I will not tolerate this, and be disrespected like this, there is other men seeing what only I should be seeing. She apologized immediately, and I said, I don’t want to talk more about this now, as I don’t want to ruin the night. We didn’t talk about it afterwards.

5) This is a month ago. She was celebrating her 35 birthday and went out with all her girls. One of her girlfriends is addicted to social media, and she must post everything. I have a very strict rule when it comes to nights out, this goes both ways.
Example 1 to 3 was when we were from the ages of 19 - 25

1. Don’t dance with other men!
2. Don’t go away from the venue alone!
3. Don’t take a pirate taxi, or a normal taxi home, call me instead!
4. Don’t flirt (This is a grey area, you cannot define flirting so if she flirts a little it’s fine, but don’t overdo it kind of way)
At this party I saw a video from the social media addicted girlfriend of hers on her snapchat story of my wife dancing and having a blast, she looked so good, and so happy, and I smiled when I saw it, quickly my smile faded away as a guy approached holding out both his hands towards my wife, and she looked different then, I can’t put it as to why, it’s like her personality changed, she looked very keen on going with this guy, to the dance floor, the exit, the toilets I don’t know because I could not see much from the video. What happened next is one of her other girlfriends grabbed her hard and pulled her away from the guy and the video ended.

I was the designated driver that night, so when she would call me in the night, I would come pick up her, and girlfriends and drive them home safely. But I got a call from one of her girlfriends that they could not find my wife anywhere and that she has been gone for like 30 minutes, they asked if I could track her from “Find my iPhone” but I have not saved her location so I could not. I got scared that she broke rule nr. 2 and that something bad might have happened.

Also in my mind, I thought about the video I saw, and then all else mentioned above. All the instances where she crossed my boundaries came flooding in. I am not proud of it. My first thought was her safety, the second thought was, did she envelope with this guy, and is doing something a married woman should not. Her girlfriend that called me, called me back 10 minutes later, saying they found her, and that she was just escorting the social media addicted girlfriend to her car, as she was not drinking, she basically broke rule nr. 2. I got relieved she was ok. But the pit in my stomach was still there.

I later picked them all up, and on the whole drive my wife obviously drunk, kept talking about nothing than men/boys “And then there was this guy” “And this guy looked like name of a friend we know” “and this guy reminded me so much of our boy” on and on, I was upset at this point, not showing it, but in my head I wanted to scream. All these emotions, all these times my line was crossed, the sex she had with another guy while I was in love with her. I know this is some sort of PTSD.

We got home, I put her to bed. And a few days went by, where I was silent, hurt, and went to the gym as much as I could as I could not look at her without being sad, hurt, angry. After about a week when we were lying in bed, I told her not to say anything but just to listen. It went something like this (it was not smooth at all, but I needed to get it out)

“In all our time together, you have touched a man’s crotch in front of me, went with another man and slept in the same room, not that I think anything happened between you two. You have basically shown your lady part, and butt to one of my best friends with me being present, at the wedding you decided to flash nearly your entire body to your girlfriends and their husbands in front of me, and lately at your birthday party (I explained the video) and then you were gone for like 40 minutes with no one knowing where you were. I’m not saying you did anything, but can you see how all of this puts a boulder in my stomach?”

She cried and said we have talked about this before, and we have, many times. I let say her piece. But in my mind, it went something like this:

“Yes we have talked about it many times before, but you keep triggering everything by crossing my boundaries, and you know it, so don’t cry and play the victim, this is your fault, and just because we have talked about it 2-4 times doesn’t mean that my feelings just disappear, feelings takes times, and when you constantly say sorry but then do it again, how am I suppose to heal?” I know I should have said this out loud, but I just got so small in the moment, as I opened up about some deep feelings.

This brings me to now. Why I am reaching out for external inputs on how to proceed.

I feel emasculated as a man, I feel disrespected, I do not feel like the most important person for her, I’m angry, hurt, and all of this has led me down following options none of which I want to do, but I feel like I must in order to respect myself, and say enough is enough.
1) I have been thinking of divorce.
2) Swallow my pride and move on, maybe talk it over with a professional.
3) Continue as always.
4) Give her an ultimatum, that if she crosses any of these in the future, I am gone for good.
It’s all very hard, because I love her so much, I love my kids, I don’t want to destroy everything. But I can’t handle being disrespected and emasculated any longer, and have my boundaries crossed again.

I trust her fully when she says nothing has ever happened, she is not that kind of girl, but you can always be surprised down the road.
Am I controlling, is this all justified in your eyes, am I wrong?
Any help, tips, how to proceed, personal opinions is welcome.
TL;DR Wife keeps crossing boundaries in the relationship, should I leave or stay?

I’m so burned out in my ldr and my boyfriend keeps telling me that I’m not putting in an effort. I tried to break up months ago because a- I don’t feel like the relationship is going anywhere due to lack of known plans, b- I don’t trust him because of things that have happened in the past and c- due to this distrust I constantly pester him for reassurance which is exhausting for him but also exhausting for me because I’m in a state of worry all the time. He’s faught against the breakup so much and has even used guilt and now just calls me names on the phone and yells at me everyday. I am so exhausted and I have given up on leaving because of how he treats me when I try to and now I’m just waiting for him to leave himself, but he just gets more and more verbally abusive everyday. The thing is that I’m a struggling people pleaser and I often fawn in times of conflict especially when the other person is seemingly very distressed or irrationally angry. And yes I had narcissistic parents who I had to regulate all the time to survive and he knows this and I genuinely believe that he is using it as a weapon. The fact that he is asking for more effort and not seeing how us not arguing all the time is an accomplishment in itself is daunting because I don’t know what he thinks he’s gonna get from me anymore. I told him to just move on and let me be if this is not ideal for him anymore and he refuses and says he still has hope. Everyday he tells me I’ve been an awful girlfriend and that I’m the worst but the next minute he is struggling to let me go and he’s telling me that what we have is beautiful. What we had was beautiful because of how I treated him in the relationship and how gentle, fun, caring and attentive I was when we’d see each other in person. He knows or has at least voiced that I’m a rare kind of girl and now because I’m tired and realising how much I was giving as a woman and not getting back, I am suddenly a terrible person and a terrible partner? I knew people were inherently selfish but not enough to mistreat someone they claimed to have loved for years and in the name of what? I’m just not giving energy that I feel gets me nothing back anymore and now it’s like he’s a blood sucking tick that I can’t scrape off. There was a day where he left and I broke down and cried after being in survival mode for so long. I felt so relieved and like my life could finally be beautiful again. Am I in the wrong here? I know I should just grow out of my people pleasing, but I genuinely loved this person and I don’t want to be the reason they aren’t okay forever (he told me he might kill himself if I leave and I know that’s abuse and manipulation). He called me an abuser and said I destroyed him but sometimes I wonder if that were true because he acts like he will die without me. I don’t know what to believe and whether I am a bad person. Please help me
TL;DR

I am meant to meet my boyfriend in August after dating for a year. However, we have had a lot of hiccups in our relationship. One of the recent ones is I found out he lied to me that he wrote something for me, but it was actually written for his ex girlfriend whom he was obsessed with for years. I haven't brought it up to him, because anytime I bring up suspicious activity he screenshots the chat and then tells me I am crazy. There has been an accumulation of things that he has done to break my trust, such as lying over the smallest things. He will lie about hanging up the phone, being awake, and even lie about his past (which he will forget about and I always catch him in the lie later on when he tells stories). I also feel strongly that he is always trying to manipulate me into things, such as taking photos for him when I say I am uncomfortable. This is where it gets serious. He hasn't told his family I am long distance or that we are seriously dating. He wants me to fly to meet him at a hotel. Should I still go when he has this history of petty lying and also when he does not accept boundaries already in a ldr? I know this might sound crazy, but I love him so much despite everything. I am having second thoughts all the time, and my parents think if I meet him he should come see me (but he can't). Any advice is appreciated, because I have to figure things out before June when he wants to buy plane tickets.

I want to know if what I did was wrong, or something I really needed to do.
From November 25th-December 27th, 2023 I (F23 at the time) dated Brad (M25), before he left me saying he needed to change the kind of man he was. He even promised when he worked on himself, he'd come back and date me. Ok, I got that and even though it hurt I let him have his space. When around my birthday in January of 2024, I found out he might have been with a new girl, but no proof.
Around this time a friend, Scott (M26 at the time) I had made a few months prior to this had asked me out around November, which I turned down due to my relationship with Brad. And even if I wasn't, I didn't know Scott that well at the time. He asked me again in late January, and told him I just wasn't ready for a new relationship yet. He then asked 2 or 3 times after and I finally agreed on Feb 9th, because even though I couldn't prove the new girls' existence yet, things Brad did seem off. And in my heart, I knew he wasn't coming back, and it was time to move on.
I did start caring and loving Scott, now my new boyfriend. Was there for him when he was having depressive and mental health problems. Stuck around and he called me every day of his 1 or 2 weeks in the mental hospital, due to a fight he had. The fight was due to some other guy causing issues and making fun of him about his mental health. Was even the first to tell him happy birthday in April of this year. Was there for him when his family didn't come to see him a week or so later. We had a rough patch when he introduced me to another friend of his, Dylan (M21) and he had issues of depression and unaliving attempts. Scott thought I was falling for Dylan which wasn't true. I'm the kind of person who if I see someone in pain I try to help when and where I can.
Almost as soon as me and Scott got together he wanted seggy time things. but since we were long distance nothing really happened other than him showing himself on camera. I never was in the mood at that time because I was on my period and I'm not very segual during that time. But even after I was just never interested. I didn't think of it at the time, and just played it off as, it is long distance and just didn't seen a want or need to do it.
Once May rolled around I just felt completely off. Like something wasn't and I didn't know why. For about a week Scott was having major mental health episodes and his family even told him they didn't care about him and didn't like visiting more than a week or so at a time. For 3 or so days I started having panic attacks because the off feeling was getting worse, and due to Scott telling me that something his dad said he wasn't going to help him or allow him to fly to my state to visit me. And even if he did, Scott would have to wait at least 4 years to even see me. And on Day 1 of our relationship, he had the next 4 years planned for us. How our love went, plans for kids, him visiting me, what kind of ring he wanted to have for me, (he said he had a rose quarts rock he was going to get shaped and sized for both of us to have matching rings), among other things. Don't get me wrong, I didn't mind making future plans, but it all seemed set in stone the very moment I said yes. and Scott himself told me, "I feel like I should break up with you, because what would be the point to keep the relationship if I will never get to see you in the future."
There was even a moment when he texted Dylan's girlfriend, to tell me that he was having a hard time putting into words that we weren't being intimate enough. It did upset me a little bit, but I did kind of understand him I guess. I was never opening up to be segual with him.
Anyway, for 3 days I was texting my friend that I just had a over all off feeling that I couldn't place, I was worried and I didn't know why. I didn't even know it was feelings about mine and Scott's relationship. Then when he said what he did about maybe breaking up with me, I freaked out because we were almost 4 months in our relationship. But then after a moment of thinking I was realizing I was wanting him to leave me. I wanted him to break up with me. And I wasn't sure why I was wanting it. Then the next day I texted my friend saying I think I had fallen out of love with Scott, and if I was a bad person for my feelings changing and wanting to break up. I was awake all night worried about it, and worried how he would take it. I worried about how hurt I was going to make him. And on the morning of May 9th, the very day of our 4th month I built up enough courage to tell him I wanted to end things. I will tell you, I have never seen a man cry so hard hearing the news. As of writing this, this was 5 days ago, and ever since then he has called me every day asking me the same question, "Why did you break up with me, and why or how did you fall out of love with me?"
I keep telling him every day none of it was about him, and that it was all about my feelings. That I still love and care about him as a friend, and was still here for him. That I wanted him to be ok. Because in the past 5 days he has self harmed, said he was going to unalive himself (I think he tried at least once but I'm not sure), and he lost motivation for anything and everything. He cries every day. So do I because I hate that I hurt him. Begging for me back. Asking if I will come back. I'm not sure if I will come back and I can't promise either way. He even got mad that I told a friend of his, Jack (M, but unsure of his age) that lives in the same town as him to check on him because I thought he was dead.
Scott even asked me at one point when I told him I was on call with Jack because he was checking on me, if Jack was my new man. Jack is married and even sees me as a sister. So no, Jack isn't my new man.
Tonight he called me asking yet again why I felt like I needed to break up, and why didn't I just stay. Scott claims that he wouldn't have cared if I stayed in the relationship not loving him. But I knew if I stayed, he'd of found and would have been hurt way worse than I already hurt him. And not only is he now shutting out all of his friends, but he is also deleting his apps to vanish from everyone for a while. I don't think he'll delete accounts, but just delete the apps on his phone. And even though I tell him I am still here for him as a friend, he doesn't think he could stay around and speak to me. Which I do understand, but I know if he vanishes on the whole world I am afraid he'd do something else to hurt himself.
AITA for all of this? Or am I valid for leaving because I no longer have feelings for him?

I (26M) recently discovered that my girlfriend (24F) might still be in contact with her ex, and I'm not sure how to approach the situation. My suspicions arose on her birthday when she got excited about a call from a work colleague. Given my history of being cheated on, I was already sensitive to such things. Later, I saw an Instagram notification from her ex on her phone, increasing my concerns.
When I asked her when she last spoke to him, she claimed it was before we started dating. However, I checked her phone and found they had been interacting intermittently over the past year while we were together. Their interactions included liking stories and brief "how are you" messages.
What really concerned me were a few messages where she initiated conversations, saying she missed him and wished he were at an event we attended together. She explained this as a cultural way of speaking from his country. They also mentioned meeting up when he visited our city, though she claimed these were just empty agreements they never followed through on. Another message had her joking about starting an OnlyFans account due to AI taking over, to which he responded non-flirtatiously.
When I confronted her, she accused me of invading her privacy and said this was traumatizing for her. She also claimed her ex was depressed and that she was just trying to cheer him up when he posted worrying stories. Their relationship lasted seven months and supposedly ended because they didn't have much in common, though I suspect it might have been because he moved away. She always spoke kindly of him, which adds to my suspicions.
After our first fight, she said we should only discuss this once and that I should trust her. Not wanting to hurt her, I was willing to believe her. However, before we slept, she deleted all the texts between them as well as a message to a coworker she had described as flirty, where she commented on a story saying it was a thirst trap and he repeatedly called her "pitchoune." The next day, I couldn't get it out of my mind. When I questioned her, not about deleting the messages or the coworker, she got angry, saying I was being hot and cold and that I didn't want her to talk to any men (which I hadn't mentioned). She then left the house.
During that time, I decided the evidence I saw wasn't damning enough and that deleting her texts with her ex was irrelevant because I believed I saw everything. As for the coworker, the text was in French, which I don't fully understand, so maybe it was okay. We talked things out, but now I don't feel okay seeing her texting or just being on the phone raises my heartbeat. She also started badmouthing the coworker, which didn't sit right, and I don't know what to do.
I'm really struggling to understand if I'm overreacting or if my concerns are valid. She lost her virginity to me, so I feel like cheating should not be in question. Any advice on how to handle this would be greatly appreciated.
TL;DR: I found out my girlfriend has been texting her ex and a flirty coworker behind my back. She claims it's harmless, but I’m not sure if I’m overreacting or if my concerns are valid. Looking for advice on how to handle this.

I'm in a bad place mentally and I really need support/advice/anything!
So.. I (32F) have been dating this guy 34M for a year. We met in a dating app in a city where I was working temporarily(I was on a sabbatical and working with an art festival) and he was attending a friends wedding. We ended up connecting greatly on music and whatnot and spent 2 nights together. He then returned to his city but pursued me. We re from different cities and over meeting and going for trips every month, it turned into a long distance relationship.
We would spend a week together every month in different places, twice or thrice his city but we always stayed in hotels. Each trip was a dopamine bomb and beautiful, luxurios, he was super loving and attentive and everything I dreamed of. He earned well and keeps travelling between his hometown and city of work frequently. Now I can see that it was blatant love bombing.
The first 6-8 months of our relationship, I was also smoking up(h) and then quit. Pretty soon, I slipped into anxiety and depression and have been pretty low since some months now. However, we still continued dating. His availability kept decreasing. I felt things were off/was doubting he is cheating on me but I kept thinking it's me and my anxiety that's telling me these negative things. I did ask him such questions directly and ofcourse he would deny them.
I would blame and hate myself for being depressed and not being able to talk/be a "good girlfriend " on our calls. He would call me only on his commute to the office or gym and somehow, I was so in my head, I didn't even notice. The calls before sleeping were almost none, by now.
2 weeks ago, I caught him lying about a certain flight thing and I confronted him. He apologised, gave a reasonable excuse and I let it go. I once video called him out of the blue and he wouldn't show me his home. And I just found out yesterday through somebody who lives in his hometown that he is married. And has a 2 year old kid.
I have no clue what to do. I have been so deep in depression and so ashamed by it (cptsd, childhood trauma and what not) ..I am also figuring out my next career step since the sabbatical, have been working on design projects and my self esteem is dipping. It feels like I'm even going to fall deeper.
What should I do. I will definitely leave him, for sure. But I want to see his face, confront him. Should I Visit his place/hometown, tell his family. Confront him on the phone. Tell his wife. How can somebody fucking do this. I thought I finally found the one. I thought I'll be marrying this guy.
And get away with it!!!! HOW?! I'm unable to process what's happening. And I feel like there's a hole in my stomach.. I haven't slept. J feel rage and hurt and disgust and .. the fact that I thought we had a future!
Note: Yes, I'm in therapy. Have been for more than a year, looking for another therapists. Have also consulted psychiatrists for meds, one of them diagnosed me with ADHD but I'm unable to get over my fear of meds. I want to get better without them( yes, exercise, yoga, sleep, meditation )And I'm trying. But so far, I am having a hard time being motivated to do anything.

Author’s note : Everything’s free to use and monetize or paywall as you wish, just remember to credit me please. As I’m not a native English speaker, you can feel free to make slight changes to make it better, as long as it doesn’t change the whole story of course.
Summary, listener’s perspective : Your partner went grocery shopping a long time ago and you’re calling them to check up on them. Apparently a lot of things happened and stressed them a little too much, but they got help and they’ll finish it to prove to you they can handle it.
[ ] = stage directions
** = sound effects
[The speaker is at the supermarket wandering around, feel free to put crowd sounds, riding the cart etc… through all the script]
*Phone ringing\*
Uhm… Hello? Who is this?
You should be mistaken, I don’t have a girlfriend.
Yes. That’s my name. How… Oh. Wait. Did I… ?
Ah fuck…
Yes, we’re fine Ma’am. Don’t sound so worried.
I understand but…
Ma’am…
Oh! Shut up for a minute!
Too many questions. So, I don’t know. I guess we’re shopping since I have a cart in front of me and we seem to be… In a supermarket..
Yeah, so why are you asking if you already know we were supposed to go grocery shopping!
Whatever… No, I don’t know which one… They’re all the same honestly… Let me walk around to see if I can identify something…
[Speaker is walking around for a few second without saying anything]
…
[Speaker is stopping, they tone changed]
Hello?
Hi baby!! How are you doing? Why are you calling? Or did I call you?
Oh you did? Why?
Yes, it’s me. What’s wrong?
Oh… Really?
I’m sorry. But it’s fine, I promise.
I know baby but…
Why do you want to come? I can do this!
No I mean alone! I prepared a list and all, I can’t forget anything!
Uhm… wait.. Let me search for it…
[Speaker is searching in their bag]
Where did I put it…
Damn..
[Speaker is getting quieter]
…
[Back to the first tone of voice]
Ok. Ma’am. I don’t know where we are, really.. But it’ll be fine. We’re just going to finish this and go back home.
A list? Yes, I have one in my hand, it’s alright, please calm down.
I know, I can sense them around, they’re not far. It’s alright.
Oh god…
Ok… Toilet paper… Sexy…
Where is that…
[Speaker is walking again, searching for the stuff on the list]
Uhm… Ok, there we are… That’s done and then some soap…
Well, I’m staying with you on the phone because you seem completely panicked. So I’m showing you we got this.
Look… I don’t know what exactly happened that triggered it… But we’re alone in a big space full of strangers. Doing something important. I’m guessing that it’s a lot of stress for them and they needed me… It’ll be alright though.
Yeah, of course they’ll tell you they can do it. I’m sure they believe they can. And I’m sure they wanted to impress you and make you proud. But sometimes it’s fine to ask for help too.
Not like that! You don’t have to come, I’m here now. I got this. You don’t even know where we are. And you’re not going to come with your car. Have you not seen the price for gas?
I might not be around often but I keep an eye on the news.
Why do we need so many strawberries?
Uhm… I’m taking bananas too, I like that better.
[Speaker is getting quiet again, just walking]
…
[Change of tone, back to the partner one]
Baby? Are you here?
Yes, it’s me, I’m back. How did the cart fill itself?
Who?
Ohhh… But.. I could have.. I can do it!
I… There was this lady… She was searching for something and asked me. I didn’t know… I don’t know this place very well…
I don’t know why I didn’t go to the usual place!
Oh wait… They were out of gas! To put on the car. Did you see the price now?!
Oh… ok…
They might have seen it then… Yeah… I guess.. It was stressful because I didn’t know what to do. Where to go.. To get it.
Oh. I continued driving for a while… Because I… kinda froze. And I couldn’t park to look with the gps where to go… Well.. I could have! But.. Brain was silly and I couldn’t do it..
After a while I saw a sign for another supermarket and I followed it. I guess that’s where I am now.
What’s that noise?
Baby! It’s alright! You don’t have to come! I can do it! Especially if I’m not alone anymore. I mean.. I have help, we’ll do this!
I swear! There are not many more things on the list anyway. We can do this!
Wait… Why are there bananas here? I don’t like them. I’m going to put it back.
[Speaker is walking back to the fruits to put the bananas back!]
Alright. That’s done. So what’s left?
Some juices… It's on the other way. What else? Eggs, butter…
Ok! Let’s go!
It should be around here… Yes, got it! Then… That shouldn’t be far…
[Speaker is switching again]
…
Uhm… What the hell… Why am I here… What’s on the list? Eggs… How many… Hey! Ma’am? Still here?
Good, how many eggs do you want?
Alright, I got them.. What’s left? Juices… It’s on the other side… Wait! Where are my bananas!
I don’t care if they don’t like them! I do! I front sometimes! I can have things I like too! That’s not cool to only think of themselves!
I mean… That’s a fair point… But… I can’t know when I’ll be here! I’m here now.. And I want bananas…
What if I just took 1 or 2? Not too much, won’t be expensive!
Thank you, you’re kind. Crazy. But kind.
Have you not seen how you reacted earlier?! You *are* crazy!
I told you we’re fine. I bet they told you too. Have a little faith in us.
Yeah yeah… I understand… But honestly, we’ll tell you if it was that bad. We’re handling it quite well so far. Yes, a moment was overwhelming. And I had to come. But now we’re doing well.
Oh by the way! How do we pay? By card?
Do you know the code? In case that’s me in front when we’re at the checkout…
Alright, noted.
No not really, like in my head.
Really girl… I can memorize 4 digits!
Alright, alright… Give me a minute..
[Searching in the bag to get a pen and a piece of paper]
…
[Back to the partner tone]
I’m listening…
Uhm…. Baby, I know the code of my own card… Why do you want me to write it down?
Oh… Well, I just have the juices to get now. I think it’ll be fine.
Yeah… I’ll write it down anyway, just in case. I’m putting it on my right pocket, ok? You’ll tell them if they’re here and search for it?
Thank you baby. And…. I’m sorry about this… I wanted to do this…
I don’t know… To prove I’m capable..
I know. I am but it was just… A little too much I guess… I don’t think it would have happened if I could have gone to our usual place…
It’s alright though! I’ve got the juices! I have everything now. I’m going to the checkout and I’m coming home.
I’ll have to hang up while I’m paying.
Yes, I’ll call you back right after.
I promise. You’re the one who will call me if I don’t anyway!
Yeah, if you have to that means it’s probably not me on the other end…
But I’m not far away, baby, I’m not leaving. It was just too much for one time…
Oh yes, I’d love that! Thank you!
Yes yes! I’ll hurry up!
Love you too baby!

HIIIII!!! I 21F overthink alot and I was wondering if anyone who is Japanese or have been to japan could look at my virgo moon overthinking and see if I was being delulu or if I fell victim to host club culture. This all took place in a Japanese bar. B-31m Bartender (European) T-20m Waiter boy in question (Japanese) K-ME (Wasian)

• first when we got there the first time. He gave me drink recommendations.
• Second gave me a phone charger bank without me asking cause he noticed I needed one.
• Was the one to set up my birthday stuff, and also asked me my name and when said it in Japanese went “really? That’s cute”
• Fourth , he kept checking on me and then gave me another recommendation without me asking. And made the drink himself and gave it to me.
• Fifth, he kept coming to talk to me about his time working at usj and then took our picture.
• Sixth, he took a shot with me and taught me how to say cheers in the “young adult way”
• Seventh, when I was given birthday stuff he was the one to come up to me and tell me to sit. I look over and he is standing behind me with both his arms fully up and going crazy.
• he also gave me water immediately after our shot together
• Eighth, he then ran to me when he thought we were leaving even though it was sooooo busy.
• Ninth, he ran to the elevator to say goodbye to us. The elevator is outside the bar and he left his post to come say bye.
• Next day
• When I enter he immediately smiles and goes “K!!” And then brushes his hair back so it’s pushed back
• Then I sit at the bar , not the tables and he finds every reason to come up to me and try to talk to me. (His post is the tables not the bar)
• He gets a coaster from right next to me when he could’ve just gone to the other side of the bar to get it or somewhere else

- He gives me a recommendation again and leans super close and I’m like suaisisisisi

• Friend noticed he kept trying to get into my line of sight and talk to me
• I was sitting near the close area of the servers and everytime he came over to check the orders he would glance at me and see me and try to talk to me
• He told me his favorite drink and tried super hard to talk in English
• He told me when he was getting off and wanted to take a shot with me

- got me water without me asking cause he remembered I didn’t like the shot

• He said goodbye when he was leaving to just me
• when he talked to us he only talked and looked at me
• He coughed and I went you ok? In Japanese and he looked over and smiled and went yes yes don’t worry
• He gave just me his instagram and immediately after work liked my story
• When talking about the servers to B he would come over and try to join the convo.

-We asked B ages of everyone and even though it was busy T came over and suddenly asked us ages. He asked friend one and went ok ok.. skipped my next friend and went “K ???” And I went Oh “21” he was so excited and said “03”??? And I said yes and he was admit that we should be friends because we were the same age. (My other friends were all 03 as well)
-Asked us what we did and kept wanting to see my pictures of me in my kimono.

• He kept coming over to the bar and asking B about us.

The kicker is that B told us once T was getting ready to leave, “Do with this information what you will, but T has a girlfriend…”

• I Mmmm a Virgo moon so I overthink a lot lol and this is when I realized I would fall victim and have no money at all if host clubs were available to me

Good morning.
TL;DR: I paid a contractor £1982.25 to handle property maintenance and gardening work on a rental property. The contractor repeatedly assured me that the work was complete or nearly complete, but property inspections and subsequent photo evidence contradicted these claims. Despite multiple excuses from the contractor, ranging from personal injuries to subcontractor issues, the work was never completed. After attempting various methods of communication without success, the contractor has become unresponsive. He has not finished the work, yet still holds my money, and I am now considering my options for recourse.
I have used a guy ("L") to do some garden works. Recommended by a work colleague he was personable and punctual when I used him for some gardening work when I had COVID. Since he told me that he did property maintenance and gardening and I was pleased with his work thus far, I booked him to do some work on my old house which I now rent out in Surrey; repainting some old water damage after a repair and replace an old brown wooden back door showing signs of wear and rot for a new uPVC one. He said yes and needed money for the work as the door was a large lump of the cost. As it was March 2023 I gladly paid him the whole sum (£1982.25) and on the 26th July he said that all the works had been done and just needed to finish the door but was having access issues with tenent but due to complete the works on the Saturday. All good. I asked him about the £300 of gardening, he said he would come over in August. Fine.
L then said that he was having mechanical issues with his van and could not attend the gardening. Me, being understanding, said get the van fixed and let's sort another date when he's back on the road. The property inspection report done by the estate agent came through on 23rd August and my wife noticed that in the photos the back door had not been completed. In fact, there was no evidence of any of the work having been done. I was suspicious that the works had not in fact been done.
I asked my property management company and they suggested that it was unlikely to show his work in the photos, since the inspection happened in June/early July time because the works were done after the date of the property report. It was possible, they suggested, that the report was sent was after the works had been completed but the inspection was done before that was why the photos didn't match what I was being told. Probably.
The property management company / estate agent I pay for my fully managed property confirmed this might have been the case but I was still suspicious myself and unsure. I attempted to reach out to him using WhatsApp on the 22nd January, our usual line of communication, but no response.
I learnt on 4th February from the cleaner at work who knows him and recommended him in the first place that he had been caught cheating on his girlfriend on Christmas day and was attacked by her with a broken bottle and now has an arm injury preventing him from working again. It was all in the news. There is an article in the newspaper about the event. She also told me that he had a new phone number which she gave me. She also told me that he had also been drinking heavily since his mother had been diagnosed with cancer last year and she was worried the he had turned into "a bit of a deadbeat". I was concerned so messaged him on both numbers I now had.
He responded on the same day on the new number only, saying that he had been embarrassed to tell me that he had not completed.
He said he was sorry and could we book in the work to get done. I replied that, as long as the work gets done on my rented house which is my main concern (as someone else is living there and paying for the house to be kept in good order), we can then talk about the £300 of gardening afterwards but I also asked for photos of the work when it was finally completed.
On 5th February we agreed for him to complete the work on the 14th February.
My cleaner friend, now mortified with him too, called him and he assured her that all the work had been done. I messaged him the following week to say I was thrilled and asked for the photos. Of course I trusted but wanted to verify for myself.
I asked for the photos on the 19th February of the works that had taken place; he replied that he had gotten sepsis and had been in hospital and just got home and he had just called "the guy" he sent out to do the works and he had not done it and he was "fuming". That he had "seized trading" [sic] but wanted to make sure "this was all sorted" and "all I can do is apologise" and hope that I would understand and had booked in Saturday to give him recovery time, and then told me Tuesday, which then became the following Saturday.
He assured me that "his guy" was now rebooked the Sunday 25th February 12pm and he would personally make sure it was done. I said this would have to be the last time as I need the work done and he had now had enough time and chances and was not telling me every time he had failed to get the work done. I asked for the photos on the 26th. He replied that the guy he sent to do the works didn't show up and "he was fuming" and was going to personally oversee that the work was done. He was now appearing to me to be simply more than just unlucky. He assured me that the Sunday he would get the work done. This would be 4th March.
I chased for photos 4th March. No response. I chased on 6th March via WhatsApp. No response. The next property inspection report was sent to me on the 8th March it is clear that there has been no works done in the photos and I had reason to believe that he has not completed any of the work and still has my money. In fact, I suspect that he has no intention of doing the work at all and simply keeping the money.
On the 14th March I asked for his contact details to write to him formally within 7 days. No response.
On March 20th I looked up his email which had the original quote on it and wrote him a letter and sent that, with his original quote asking for my money back plus 8% per annum calculated to 29th March 2024 for £2140.83 for additional inconvenience and expenses I have incurred in chasing for my money back for a year now. I also sent a hard copy of the letter to his address by recorded post (which got signed for) asking for the same and needed a response by 2nd April.
No response.
I don't know what to do now. I hear from my cleaner friend that he's moved house and ghosted everyone. I checked his invoice, he is not a LTD. He's in the wind. He's not responding to letters or emails or WhatsApps and he has around £2000 of my money and simply kept it.
I've tried renegotiating the works multiple times over the last year, I've tried contacting him and now he's just stopped replying. I think I've been reasonable and tried my hardest to make it work out and keep in touch but I just want my money back.
Have I lost my money or is there anything else I can do now? What are my next steps?

I’m still in shock, but I’m doing fairly well. Apologies in advance for unclear info.
My (M21) girlfriend of almost 5 years has apparently been fucking some guy -we’ll call him J (23M)- for a while now. She would go to J’s house occasionally to play video games with him and her old friend from high school (K 23M - J’s roommate). I told her that I wasn’t a fan of it, but I know K well enough and trust him.
2 weeks ago, I came back home from college for the weekend. She tells me (with no prior warning signs to me) that she’s depressed. I had noticed that she changed over the last year, but I thought it was because her cousin was rubbing off on her too much - which wasn’t entirely wrong. Then, she says something about “taking a break”. We have been very adamant through our relationship that there are no breaks. You’re together or you’re not. I knew she meant “break up”. She was crying hysterically. I told her that we should continue the conversation in the morning because it was late and I needed time to absorb the shock.
The next day, we talked for hours and ultimately decided to stay together until we each talked to trusted friends and her therapist before we did something we’d regret. We talked all week. I thought things were looking better.
Then last weekend, I was going home to talk to her. She says that she’ll be going to a music festival with a friend. She did admit that it was J. I stayed in the area and notified her so that we could talk. I met her there, went through the whole “what do you think that looks like? If there’s something going on, tell me. I’m done with the bullshit” talk. She lied through her teeth. I’m ashamed to admit that I half believed her. Fast forward to tonight, K texted me to see how I was doing after “recent events”. I stayed as vague as possible to hopefully get him to spill something. Come to find out, she’s been spending multiple nights over there every week. She walks into the house, ignores K, and walks straight to J’s room. Not even an hour after he tells me this (I have a new respect for this guy), my friend texts me that I need to ask about a guy named J. I called immediately and I told him that I just found out and wanted to know how he learned. He said that an “unnamed girl at the bar” told him. I also made sure to send my gratitude her way.
So basically, now I’m sitting here and can’t stop thinking. I’m on an adrenaline high. I’ve contacted whatever friends I could. Now I’m just plotting. I am strongly fighting the urge to say something, but I either need to confront her directly in person or get evidence from her phone. And she keeps it close (another sign I didn’t pick up on). The way I see it, I have 2 options.
1: I plan to go home this weekend, but I can leave as early as Thursday. If I go home Thursday night without telling her, K would likely let me in. Then I could just walk in, make sure I have video evidence rolling, and leave. If that doesn’t line up nicely,
2: I tell her that I’ll come over Thursday or Friday and wait until her parents are there. I’d start with an apology to her parents (they’re great people and both love me). Then, I’d just break up with her on the spot. As straight faced as possible. No emotion. I’d be transparent with the reasoning, but I won’t go too far because I respect her parents.
In both cases, I want no violence (of course). But I will have friends in the area in case someone flips on me. Mainly to take me home after because I don’t know how I’ll take it.
Whatever love I had is almost completely gone. It was like a light switch. And as everyone says: “I didn’t think my girl would ever be capable of that”. The joke’s on me I guess lol. But I know I’ll be fine. The way I look at it, shit happens. It’s over now. How can I respond respectfully but effectively? I don’t plan to do anything stupid, and I would never do anything intentionally to myself.
Which route would you take? Either of these two, or another way?
And what do I do next? I met her my junior year of high school. She was my everything for what would be 5 years in June, and she was my first everything. This feels like a total reset. How do I “find myself”?
Edit for added context: her reasoning for potentially breaking up involved “I don’t want to put you through my pain” and “you deserve someone better”. I explained to her that I love her and will be there for her no matter what, and it’s my job as her boyfriend to help her through hard times. I said to her face “if you want us to be done, tell me right now. Because I don’t have time for any bullshit”. I noticed a new tone with her when she said that it’s nothing. I noticed that eye contact was off. But I played it off as her being extremely tired. I should’ve known

I will apologise in advance for the long post.
I have been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half. I am his first girlfriend, this is my 2nd serious relationship. We moved in with each other at around 9 months and things have changed between us significantly.
We have both never lived with a partner before. Initially my partner was incredibly attentive, was always wiling to listen to my good and bad days, thoughtful, considerate, romantic, understanding etc. Things were pretty good with us! I was shocked because I hadn't really experienced this type of relationship before. We had small tiffs but we were always able to talk about things and sort it out. Our sex life was pretty good! We both liked pleasing each other.
It was almost a immediate change since we moved in. My boyfriend became pretty distant, to me it seemed like he didn't really like having me around. I tried giving him space and you know let him figure out his routine. His work was pretty busy, as was mine.
I was working overtime for about 5 months prior to us moving in together, and found myself burnt out maybe a month into us living with each other. My sex drive reduced, which was frustrating for me because I love sex with my boyfriend. We still had sex maybe once a week, and occasionally twice a week. But admittedly I did start getting frustrated because my partner initiated sex every day, even though I had mentioned to him that my sex drive has reduced and I'm not overly keen on sex right now. A lot of the time I felt obliged and wasn't really into it. He also had changed a fair, and the only effort he really put in, was to hace sex (and even so it was much effort and I didn't orgasm 80% of the time)
I noticed he stopped really taking interest in my life, stopped putting effort in with my family, he would often be on his phone when I was telling him things, we stopped going on dates. He knows I appreciate having a meal together, so I try to plan my dinner with his but often he would eat without me. We didn't do anything for our one year anniversary, I did plan a dinner but I ended up cancelling it because my partner was disinterest and indifferent to it. He seems to only compliment me physically (either my tits or ass) and rarely anything outside of that. It almost felt like he started to resent me and I wasn't really sure why. A few days ago I had a pretty scary road rage incident where someone ran me off the road and threatened me with a knife. My boyfriend said he would help me with the police report because I was really distraught. He never ended up helping me, he also didn't really seem to care that this happened. It was a bit shit, I thought he would have some sort of concern in regard to it but there wasn't. I got mad and vented my frustrations about his huge behaviour change since we've been living together.
He told me he kind of checked out emotionally when I wasn't really keen on sex. (I'd like to add that my sex drive improved since I started working normal hours again, which was about 2 months ago, so we have sex about 3 times a week) Hes told me that he doesn't feel these things intrinsically naturally ( like caring when bad things happen to your partner). But I feel like a lot of those things come pretty naturally if you love someone
My gut feeling is that, he doesn't actually love me, and wants someone to have sex with regularly. I've been trying to ignore the fact that his prime interest with me is only sex but it's starting to feel that way. He does take steriods as well btw. If I don't keep up with him sexually he just disconnects, I don't want to feel like I have to have sex to have a present partner that cares for me. I used to feel cared and loved by him but now its like he's someone else.
What does this mean ?

Recently, my ex-girlfriend and I had been arguing for a while, but it came to a boiling point when she went through my phone and believed (mistakenly) that I had been cheating on her, and saw that a known drug-dealer had texted me. In public, she began throwing things and hitting me, to which multiple people (apparently 8 separate calls were made) called the police. We are both under 21, but above 18. This occurred in Mecklenburg county, NC.
Ultimately, she was arrested for domestic violence and we obviously no longer have any contact. I had no idea what she told the police, but I told the truth, but stressed I didn't want to press charges (although I know that's not how that works). We both go to the same small university which I assume is difficult for BOTH me and her, and to be honest, I'm still a little in shock.
Tonight, I read the arrest summary that was available online. I am concerned because the description read that "[she] did slap [me] due to her becoming upset over a verbal argument that had started over [me] cheating on her and texting his drug dealer." Should I be concerned about an investigation opening or the possibility of me facing legal action?
Here are some other possibly relevant information, although I apologize for the already lengthy post and lack of legal knowledge.

• The drug dealer did text me, but I had intentionally not responded as I decided to try to get sober again, and to go NA. However, there were previous transactions made with him in the past.
• I heard from a mutual friend that she took a pre-trial thing to avoid paying a $5000 bond, and I believe her trial is set for later this summer.
• I do not know how she feels about me now. I do not know if she hates me or what she said.
• I'm not well versed at all legally or criminally, and I'm not sure how the interview/trial/court process will work for her.

Thank you so much for taking the time. Appreciate you all <3

I have already posted on here somewhere about how I and my current bf are looking to hopefully get married sometime in the not too distant future. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I could not be happier.
This is about my first boyfriend, let's call him Dick.
I was 24 and he was 19. We met while I was working on a college campus at a Burrito Bowl. Well, actually, that's not strictly true. Although I did not attend that particular college, I was often involved in a religious organization that met on that college campus-in addition to working there. We met when I joined the Discord server for that religious organization, and offered to bring dinner to meet new people. He was the only person to take me up on my offer, and so on a storming night in the middle of a week in October, I rolled up to the campus meeting center with a wagon full of:
-a pot of soup
-tortilla chips
-seasoned bread
-butter
-shredded cheese
-sour cream
-fork, knives, spoons, glasses, and folded cloth napkins
Yes, I basically brought an absolute stranger a full meal. For free. On a college campus. In a wagon.
We hit it off and became really fast friends. Really fast friends. Fast forward to end of April the following year. He and I were hanging out together because he wasn't going to be coming back to that college the following semester. He had lost his scholarship because of bad grades. The night before he was supposed to leave, I took him to one of my favorite restaurants as a farewell treat. It was going to be two years before I could see him again. After I dropped him back off at his dorm, I went to run a few errands of my own. Meanwhile, he is texting me that he hasn't packed anything and he doesn't know where to start. I offered to come help, and he said please.
I was at the store while he was texting me, so I bought for myself a 1.25L bottle of coke, and some chocolate. I got THE text as soon as I had finished checking out: "Hey when you get here, I'd like to talk to you about something that's been on my mind."
I pull up to the dorm and go up to his room, plop myself onto the couch. He left to go get something out of his car that he had forgotten. When he came back, he nervously sat down on the arm of another chair in the room, and proceeded to drink MY coke and chowed down on MY chocolate, while rambling on about how he thought I was super sweet and that he really like me and that he hadn't intended to come back, but now, it was his entire goal to come back one day for me. He didn't ask me right then to be his gf, but said he wanted time to think about it, but would I also think about what my answer would be?
I said I would, and proceeded to get his entire dorm room cleaned and packed by 9 am the next morning. A week later, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes and we were incredibly happy--for three weeks.
At the end of three weeks, we were talking while he was traveling to and from work, but there just wasn't anything there anymore. He started ("inadvertently") giving me lists of people, animals I would have to please and things I would have to do in order to be his gf. He didn't want to talk to me anymore, I never knew if he would call me or not, or if he would just randomly hang up on me in the middle of a call. He would constantly rather play video games or listen to music than talk to me. I was becoming more and more discouraged and feeling very boxed in. Also, I never received any gifts, flowers or presents from him our entire relationship. I know it is kind of hard to do long distance, but I managed to send TWO packages to him containing meaningful gifts. Side note for those interested: my current bf either sends me flowers/gifts via DoorDash, Instacart, etc., or has me go out and buy what I like and then refunds me the money. I love this so much.
I went away to go volunteer at another religious organization. Right before I left, I bought a plane ticket to go visit him for my birthday week. Everything was arranged. During the camp, we broke up. Here's how.
He knew that he was my first ever for everything. First bf, first serious relationship, first KISS. He played that, and played it hard. He knew that I had boundaries and that I would stick to them, even if I was embarrassed or thought it would hurt him. I was not going to budge on what I thought was right. He told me that his plan was basically to kiss me the minute I stepped off the plane to see if there was any "spark" there. Idk what would have happened if he didn't find the "spark". When I hinted that I might not be comfortable with that, he asked me why, and I said it was the way I was raised. He got upset, told me that he was starting to hate my parents and said that this was the way things were going to go. I hung up with him, called my mom and told her everything. I got her to begrudgingly allow me that if Dick wanted to kiss, I could. That is all I wanted, sex wasn't even on the menu.
At this point, I am mad at Dick. So I called him back and ranted off on him about how I felt about the entire thing, but mentioned that I had "permission" from my mother to kiss him IF I chose. He didn't let it go, but got his mother involved. We argued back and forth for two days. Finally, two days before camp ended, he texted me, asking if we could have an honest conversation. The basics of what he said, over TEXT:
"I love you, and when I say it I do mean it, but I mean it more in the way that you would tell your sister."
I was so distraught and stressed out that I couldn't think of anything else to do other than pray. Over the period of an hour, I literally typed out my heart and feelings to the God I thought I believed in, to Dick. At the end of it, Dick's entire response? "Don't you know that would've been better said to the Big Man Upstairs?"
I ended things immediately.
We tried to remain friends (at first this was mutual agreement, and then entirely his idea) but it didn't work out well at all. All I can say is that Karma is an absolute bitch, and in this matter I am 100% on her side. Hell, I would've even given her the weaponry needed to screw Dick over, even without her asking.
A few months go by and he ends up getting into another relationship. The gf doesn't know me, but tells him that he needs to block me or else. So he does, I end up having to leave the Discord server for the religious group, and I lost contact with most of my support group because of this. I should mention here that these were MY friends, not his. He wasn't even from the same state as I was. I found out from my best friend that just a few short weeks later, Dick went into the server and posted a prayer request about how his gf was missing. Later, he posted another, and even later posted a third. My best friend rang my phone off the hook that night trying to get in touch with me.
Apparently, Dick's gf was incredibly mentally unstable. She had threatened to go end her life, and disappeared. Nobody knew where she was. Dick eventually called the cops, and when they found her, she GASLIT him saying that he was so untrusting, was just the worst, he made her feel that way, all the jazz. They broke it off and I believe she may have been institutionalized for a little bit.
So yeah. I think I'm way happier now, just sayin. :)

Hi everyone, im telling this story more so to vent, and not because I don’t know what to do, im done with him.
I dated this man for 6 weeks (thank god not longer) we were together so much, (so I would’ve never guessed) and when we weren’t together he was calling and texting me. While the s3X was amazing he always brought up feelings, commitment, etc to me and we were together days at a time. Even said he wants a son and sees me having a boy someday, etc. just always painting the picture that he wants and sees us in a long term commitment and his actions were showing it (may have been moving a bit fast for my liking which can be a red flag, but you get the point here) I’ve been single for awhile before he came along and I’ve been doing a lot of self work and healing, and everyone around me was congratulating me because he is a successful older man that makes good money and he was treating me great. People that care about me also know i don’t catch feelings easy and don’t give chances to people easy. Guess what?
Long story short: he went on vacation with his girlfriend, (they’re still on vacation, they come back in a day or two) i guess she went through his phone, and she contacted me about 4 days ago. We clarified some info on instagram DMs and I found out they’ve been dating for 1.5 years or so. I actually did know who she was, but I thought it was his ex girlfriend (that’s what he told me) and they weren’t posting each other or interacting on social media for 4+ months or so on top of that, plus he gave me so much consistency, time, and attention- so I didn’t know. However, she travels A LOT for work she said, so that’s how he was able to get away with it. She’s older as well and was really nice. They’re both 10+ years older than me, im 25. She said she’s done with him a few days ago, as she’s never caught him doing this before, then kept telling me he’s telling her he just used me for s3X and we weren’t serious, and when I explained the dynamic to her she realized we were in fact dating. But now she’s posting stuff on her insta story to make it seem like they’re happy, then he’ll post stuff on his social media of the trip, but has nothing to do with her, and I don’t know how she can stomach what he did to her and hang out with him? Maybe she’s playing it off til the trip is over since its a business vacation/trip. But it’s just strange to me. I on the other hand didn’t say anything to him and blocked him. The worst part of it all, is I know he’s going to try and come back to me on some bs! I know what type of man he is, and I dodged a bullet! I’m kinda a little heartbroken because we got close in a short amount of time and I thought I was finally getting a good man I deserve to be with, but im so lucky I found this out early and dodged bullets!!!

Hi everyone, im telling this story more so to vent, and not because I don’t know what to do, im done with him.
I dated this man for 6 weeks (thank god not longer) we were together so much, (so I would’ve never guessed) and when we weren’t together he was calling and texting me. While the s3X was amazing he always brought up feelings, commitment, etc to me and we were together days at a time. Even said he wants a son and sees me having a boy someday, etc. just always painting the picture that he wants and sees us in a long term commitment and his actions were showing it (may have been moving a bit fast for my liking which can be a red flag, but you get the point here) I’ve been single for awhile before he came along and I’ve been doing a lot of self work and healing, and everyone around me was congratulating me because he is a successful older man that makes good money and he was treating me great. People that care about me also know i don’t catch feelings easy and don’t give chances to people easy. Guess what?
Long story short: he went on vacation with his girlfriend, (they’re still on vacation, they come back in a day or two) i guess she went through his phone, and she contacted me about 4 days ago. We clarified some info on instagram DMs and I found out they’ve been dating for 1.5 years or so. I actually did know who she was, but I thought it was his ex girlfriend (that’s what he told me) and they weren’t posting each other or interacting on social media for 4+ months or so on top of that, plus he gave me so much consistency, time, and attention- so I didn’t know. However, she travels A LOT for work she said, so that’s how he was able to get away with it. She’s older as well and was really nice. They’re both 10+ years older than me, im 25. She said she’s done with him a few days ago, as she’s never caught him doing this before, then kept telling me he’s telling her he just used me for s3X and we weren’t serious, and when I explained the dynamic to her she realized we were in fact dating. But now she’s posting stuff on her insta story to make it seem like they’re happy, then he’ll post stuff on his social media of the trip, but has nothing to do with her, and I don’t know how she can stomach what he did to her and hang out with him? Maybe she’s playing it off til the trip is over since its a business vacation/trip. But it’s just strange to me. I on the other hand didn’t say anything to him and blocked him. The worst part of it all, is I know he’s going to try and come back to me on some bs! I know what type of man he is, and I dodged a bullet! I’m kinda a little heartbroken because we got close in a short amount of time and I thought I was finally getting a good man I deserve to be with, but im so lucky I found this out early and dodged bullets!!!

This is such a difficult thing to word, Ive been staring at my screen for hours thinking about this.
Months ago, I posted in this thread about feeling sick and going gluten free after a celiac panel that (unbeknownst to me) was a flag for a slightly low IGA. Over the phone, they told me to start eating gluten free immediately (which i dont think i should have done). I went gluten free and felt better with time, thinking that eating gluten free was the reason I felt better. I dont remember much of me being sick now, I think i blocked it out because all I did was lay in bed and go to work when I could, but my girlfriend reminded me that i didnt feel better for months after going gluten free. all foods were making me feel sick. I received blood tests for my thyroid, general blood test, and a genetic celiacs test. My stuff was normal and i did not have a celiac gene. I was scheduled to have a colonoscopy and an endoscopy in June. Fast forward months later and Im honestly feeling a lot better, my 3 month checkup comes by and my doctor is amazed and cancels my procedures and recommends I try to introduce gluten into my diet again to see if I react. I have yet to do that but I stopped caring about cross contact and I havent noticed a difference in my health.
Today, we had tacos with my roommates and flour tortillas were involved. Im almost certain that the spoons for the sour cream, salsa and guac touched flour tortillas and went back into their containers and i still ate from them with no symptoms so far. i feel like roughly one year ago i wouldve flipped my shit about this and if i had eaten from it, i wouldve scared myself into “reacting”. im just so lost. why did i feel sick for so long? was it related to gluten? i have bad health anxiety but i feel crazy thinking thats why i was sick for damn near a year. this all just sucks, i want answers lol