This was about the 2021 Free-Response Questions Handwriting prompt. Just looking for # values of my thesis, evidence, and sophistication.
Although some argue that handwriting instruction is beneficial in helping students develop certain skills, to a greater extent, handwriting instruction is not needed in today’s schools because the aforementioned skills aren’t directly proportional to handwriting and the world is evolving into a society that lacks the need for such writing skills.
Handwriting instruction has no place in this globally changing society that is geared more and more towards technology. Technology has no doubt pervaded into our school systems on a global level. Kids in elementary schools are receiving chromebooks, ipads, and even laptops. This is even the case for my own situation, in which I was given a chromebook for assignments in fifth grade. However, schools have continued to implement handwriting practice into daily routines, and for what reason? The opinions are starting to sway against teaching handwriting skills, however. Teachers themselves are stating that they believe we need to do away with the practice and “move on”(Source A). It is not only an individual basis level, however, as even forty one states have implemented courses that omit cursive from their curriculum as a whole(Source A). The fact that not only individuals are rebelling against this “archaic [...] communication” but also a majority of states on a national level are doing so highlights how change is what the nation wants. Specifically, technology is making the teachings of handwriting obsolete. The keyboard allows students to be “quicker on the keyboard” and can help them be “better writers as handwriting takes up less of their education”(Source C). Others agree with this sentiment that doing away with handwriting can give more time for education in other subjects too. For example, some articles are saying that handwriting is taking away time that could be better prioritized for “essential life-skills” like finance and programming(Source E). The sentiment of teachers, editors, states, and more, is that handwriting has no place in a society that is evolving.
The supposed skills that come with teaching handwriting at our schools are lacking in direct benefits. For example, some argue that handwriting activates cognitive and fine motor skills because it requires knowing what to write and how to use motion to write as such(Source D). However, this assertion could be applied to any scenario. Say painting: it requires a vision of what to make and the skills to create the work. However, why is painting not a required curriculum in many schools? This basic line of reasoning has been pointed out by others too, with one pointing out how “playing the original Super Mario Bros helps develop fine motor skills”(Source E). Knowing where to jump or which pipe to take is the equivalent to using your cognitive skills while inputting such decisions into your controller is using motor skills. However, schools are not requiring 15 minutes a day to gaming. This comparison between handwriting and Super Mario Bros underscores how the perceived benefits of handwriting are, in reality, not inherently needed. Another point of view to highlight is that while handwriting instruction may have benefits, they are highly constrained to when one is in school. In Source F, for example, it is shown that the use of paper over technology is heavily prevalent but in K-5. In Source D, it is said that elementary-age students were found to write more during their time. However, these assertions do not take into account the realities of our society. Children are not in the growing technology-focused workforce. Children will not have the time to take such liberties when having to take quick notes in high school or college. Children will be losing out on time that could be used to develop other more important skills.
Overall, the practice of handwriting instruction is not needed in today’s schools because the overall consensus agrees with such and the supposed benefits of handwriting do not outweigh the loss.

⚠️TW: CHILDHOOD SA/R*PE, POTENTIAL VERBAL ABUSE, POTENTIAL MENTAL ABUSE, DRUG USE, ALCOHOLICS ⚠️
So I (18f) live with my grandmother (62f) and my mother (46f). Now, because it’s kinda relevant, my grandmother is sober she only drinks on occasion and hasn’t been drunk in years, I smoke weed as I use it to treat my epilepsy and anxiety caused by my epilepsy and have been doing so since 13 but everything else from other drugs to alcohol doesn’t interest me I see no point, my mother takes pills like Xanax basically anything that will put her to sleep she smokes cigarettes as well as weed and has been an alcoholic since 16 and has tried multiple times to be sober. The longest she’s been sober from alcohol was 4 years back when I was 6-10 when she met her ex husband (who was an ex meth addict and left us for meth, ironic) but every other time she’s been sober from alcohol it’s been off and on for short periods of time. Now, to clarify my mother is a victim of r*pe, from ages 4 to 14 she was assaulted by her carer and beaten by her other carer. She finally escaped and went into the Australian childcare system when she was 12 but her carers still had unsupervised visits with her until 14. She went to mandatory therapy for 25 years. Had her first child at 16, her second at 19 and me her last at 24 all with the same man my father a commercial fisherman who was abusive emotionally, physically and financially. So basically my mother has been through hell and has never felt loved.
In 2018 my mother got back in contact with a guy she went to school with, let’s call him Greg. Greg is divorced, an alcoholic, a typical metal head, had diabetes type 1, is the baby of his family and still lives with his sister and her husband. Mum was pretty rocky at this time, one moment she wanted to be better then the next she was giving up saying nothing works. In 2020 my mother and I moved in with my grandmother her mother. She was still with Greg and still super rocky so I left and moved in with my father for 6 months then moved back in with my mother and grandmother. Her and Greg were going through some issues, me and mum become kinda close at this time. She’d vent to me and stuff. So basically he kept saying he was going to buy them a place then would go back and say he wanted her to move in with him and his sister.
Now, 3-4 weeks ago he broke up with her because there was this wedding they were meant to go to with his family but his mum invited his ex wife (his family hates us) and his sister said she could sleep in Greg’s room and replaces Greg’s photos of him and my mum of old photos of Greg and his ex wife. For the first day or two mum just drank and popped pills, she was really depressed. Then she got better, she got into this health kick. She stopped drinking and started saying she wasn’t interested, she was working out and going on walks, talking about all this super healthy stuff. She was doing great, for the first week I doubted it would last so just ignored her. I was kind of rude that week because frankly I was tired of her shit, I knew were this was going and hated her for it. The second week I started to help her, we were declutterring her room and everything. I was hoping since it lasted a week it might last and maybe I can have a real actually loving relationship with my mother. This week? She said to me last night as she was on her 5th double shot can of Jack Daniel’s she was done, she said she was tired of not seeing the results and was giving up.
This really hurts me, I’m moving out soon. My original plan before Greg left was to move out and cut my family off, I’ve spent my life trying to make them love me only to realise two things. They love the me they want me to be and you can’t force people to love you, no matter how much you love them. When my mum started to do better I said to her “I hope you know this is your last chance to have a relationship with your last child” (to clarify, my sister her oldest cut contact only to go backwards and keep talking to mum, my brother her second cut contact and only speaks to her through our sister usually for money) and I was really hoping she’d be better and I wouldn’t have to cut her off. Since she’s been going back into her pit I’ve been a bit frustrated and been giving her a bit off shit I know she DOESNT appreciate. I give her looks when she mentions alcohol or I say things like “are you sure you want to do that👀”. Now I’m kind of planning on cutting her off again.
Basically, what I want to know is would I be the asshole for cutting her off? Would be the asshole for not cutting her off? I’ve always said I want to be better than my parents or siblings. As humans we are hypocrites, we are selfish but my family are also two faced and loveless. As humans we are also selfless and kind and I will be what my family can’t be. But I know they have hearts even if they aren’t sure how to use them, but who am I to tell someone how to use their heart. They aren’t loving me the way I want to be loved but am I loving them the way they want to be loved, but is that their job? Is that my job? I want to do the right thing by me, but to do that I can’t hurt anyone, and that’s just not possible. How do I leave them knowing I love them still?

Hi all! With TFS looming over the horizon, I wanted to take a look at some Exotic weapons we have in that grand ol’ arsenal of ours that haven’t been doing too hot in a while… or ever. We have a lot of strong choices nowadays, and even some fun niche ones too, but there are a lot of picks that just don’t make sense, have better legendary variants, or are outdated asf (looking at you specifically, DARCI). In this post, I want to share some fun ideas I had for how to rebalance these exotics, adding new functionality in both their intrinsic abilities and catalysts. I don’t even think all these exotics necessarily need a huge intrinsic buff: sometimes a catalyst is all it takes; just look at how nice Trinity Ghoul is with its catalyst, and that’s just a teeny tiny change.
What I count as an underpowered exotic is a weapon that doesn’t really have a place both in regular play, endgame activities, or as a niche weapon with certain uses. So something like Tractor Cannon, although not a DPS/adclear option, is super super useful against certain bosses like Crota or in certain situations, therefore, in my mind it is not underpowered as it has its place. Something like Hard Light, though… yeah.
I’m swinging the hammer kinda heavy with the buffs because it’s more fun that way. I hope you all enjoy, and please share your ideas too! Bonus if you make a bingo card to see how many of these exotics Bungo actually changes in TFS. We’ll find out soon enough, I’d imagine.
Oh, yeah, and this is just my opinion. I know some or a lot of these weapons are usable. But alas, this is what I think.
KINETIC WEAPONS:
Sweet Business: Adds intrinsic Overload capabilities. Once this weapon is spun up, it will remain spinning until reloaded. This assures that once you enter combat, you won’t be stuck having to get ‘er goin every time a new enemy jumps you. Catalyst now adds Killing Tally. This perk would make the weapon much stronger (duh) but also it has good synergy with Sweet Business, as the playstyle opts for keeping the weapon out, in use, and continuously fed from ammo pickups or actium war rig.
MIDA Multi-Tool: Adds the ability to change the rate and mode of fire, so that the weapon can behave like a pulse rifle and an auto rifle by changing perk options in the gun’s menu. Scoping in now highlights information about enemies and distance, just like DARCI does.
Crimson: Perhaps this sounds repetitive, but for weapons that sustain fire, Killing Tally is really solid. This would reward the user for continuous precision kills to maintain Killing Tally, a strong bonus on top of Exotics have a 40% buff against red bars.
Cerberus+1: Damage againts elite (orange bar) and major (yellow bar, non capitalized names) also increased by 40% to match the minor (red bar) enemy increase. New intrinstic perk: Interial Quakes: sustained damage on one target causes shockwaves to summon at the location of the target, disorienting them and dealing high damage. This offers Cerberus+1 a variant of Kinetic Tremors that has increased functionality, as it’s an exotic, as well as the ability to activate off of non-precision hits since.. yeah hitting crits with Cerberus is ass.
Bad Juju: Catalyst increases super energy gained from a kill closer to D1 levels, to make it more of a super battery. We get our super back so quickly in PvE with the amount of orbs we generate; let’s ratchet Bad Juju up to make it a competitive super generating option. The catalyst also gives Desperado.
Bastion: I wish I knew what to do to make it better. But it needs help.
Traveler’s Chosen: This weapon was designed back when Bungo was like “lol we hate damage perks”. Gathering Light now grants an escalating damage bonus in addition to its previuos effects. Consuming Gathering Light increases this weapon’s RoF for 10 seconds to compensate for being reset to its baseline.
Cryosthesia 77K: Here’s a dousey. Every third precision shot applies x25 slow to enemies. The special “reload after kill” show now loads the gun with a projectile that is akin to a coldsnap grenade, seeking out and freezing a target. Catalyst grants headstone so you can make more stasis crystals with this bad boy.
Wicked Implement: Make this thing a 260rpm scout. That is all.
ENERGY:
Coldheart: Catalyst adds voltshot. Increase the damage ramp-up for sustained fire.
Borealis: Why does this thing not have anti barrier. Half of its gimmick is breaking barriers. Give it anti barrier lmao and it’ll be top tier in GMs. That’s literally all you need to do?
Skyburner’s Oath: Increase rate of fire for Scout Rifle mode. Make it unstop intrinsically.
Merciless: Catalyst gives Controlled Burst, further decreasing charge time and increasing damage.
Hard Light: Add incandescent, voltshot, and destabilizing rounds depending on the elemental mode that is selected. Catalyst allows it to swap between Stasis and Strand, giving Headstone and Hatchling respectively.
Fighting Lion: Just revert some of the nerfs on this poor guy for crying out loud. Life was more fun when he was still kickin’.
Prometheus Lens: Sustained damage will this weapon can cause enemies to ignite prematurely.
Tommy’s Matchbook: Buff the scorch this weapon deals against enemies. Increase hipfire accuracy further to make sure you can hit your shots. Allow for kills on scorched enemies to trigger brief health regeneration.
POWER:
D.A.R.C.I.: Ammo type switched to special, damage is decreased to compensate. Deals further increased precision damage after hitting 3 shots in a row. Catalyst adds Reconstruction and High-Impact Reserves.
Legend of Acrius: Add one-two punch, as well as the ability for Acrius to add a solar centurion shield if you are within close proximity (melee range) of an enemy.
The Wardcliff Coil: Buff the damage! This weapon and EoT deal less damage against bosses since they fire a salvo but it’s too weakkkk. Also, catalyst jolts targets if 5 or more rockets hit the target.
The Prospector: Grant this weapon a GL variant of bipod” grenades deal decreased damage, but this weapon can carry double the amount of grenades. Grenades chain lightning between themselves and targets when exploded, and the catalyst now adds auto-loading holster.
Worldline Zero: Uhhh….
Sleeper Simulant: Buff that damage Bungie. Make it a powerhouse again.
Black Talon: I’m not gonna lie I have no idea what to do to make this thing better.
One Thousand Voices: Make this thing hurt, Bungie. Buff it’s fuckin damage. And make it guarantee ignite enemies if the entire beam hits a target. Chain reaction is added as well to chain explosions from target to target.
Truth: Rockets have a larger blast radius than normal, and debuff nearby enemies with Volatile. Bipod is added to the roster of perks. Rocket tracking becomes closer to its D1 level of aggresiveness. Catalyst reloads this weapon whenever a void debuff is cast to double capacity.
Deathbringer: Too much setup, too little payoff. Void orbs now weaken targets. The void orbs now take less airtime to reach max damage increase.
Eyes of Tomorrow: Make it do more damage against bosses. Stop being a pussy. We have Gjallarhorn, Dragon’s Breath, and whatever the fuck else. Make. Them. Fear. It.
Deterministic Chaos: Removes the sustained fire requirement for triggering weakening and volatile rounds. Enemies are made volatile AND weak at the same time (every 4 shots), and every 16^th shot is now a quadruple damage bullet.

I finally published for the first time. Not the first time I've finished a novel, but certainly the first time I have actively published one .. one that I've been a little proud of. I know it's a long process to get noticed, or even start to see some traction in sales & downloads, but how do you go about promoting your novel? I feel like I'm stuck. 😕
Beginning of chapter one below - if anyone would like to provide feedback that would be lovely. 🙂
[2,310] It began like a surreal haze, a fever dream dancing with unknown figures swirling around her like a languid tornado, their movements seemingly slowed by some unseen force as she awoke to a world spinning out of her control. She found herself surrounded by strangers who moved like spectres in a dream, fragmented flashes who assaulted her consciousness - a woman gently pressing a cloth to her throbbing head, another offering sips of water while she coughed and struggled to swallow, a man peering down at her with a furrowed brow, and a mysterious figure lingering in the doorway with an unsettling glint of desire in his eyes.
The room buzzed with a quiet urgency as they hovered around her, their faces etched with concern and something else she couldn't quite place - an undercurrent of tension that seemed to pulse in time with her own racing heart. These disjointed images flitted in and out, creating a mosaic of fragmented reality. Awake, her body throbbed with pain; asleep, she plunged into a black abyss, time slipping away unnoticed. Each awakening brought the desire for oblivion as her mind plunged back into the depths of darkness.
Beth jolted upright, startled by the sharp bang of a car backfiring. A cry of pain escaped her lips as she attempted to sit up, her back and legs resisting her will. A woman, the same from her fleeting visions, hurried into the room with a damp cloth and a glass of water.
"Easy now," the woman spoke gently, her mild Spanish accent adding warmth to her sharp words as she pressed the cloth to Beth's forehead and helped her sit up, "you're weak, rushing won't do you any favours. The sooner you regain strength, the sooner you can move."
A man, the one with the odd expression in her visions, appeared in the doorway once again; "and the sooner we can leave this place, I'm sick of it." He grumbled, striding away with urgency and frustration. His steps were heavy and fraught with agitation, each one seeming to leave a deep imprint on the ground beneath him. His grumbling was like distant thunder, punctuated by the clenching of his jaw and the tightening of his fists.
"Don't mind my brother," the woman interjected sharply, "it's not you - he hates everyone." Hate, Beth pondered, wondering what she might have done to earn his disdain.
"Are you hungry?" The woman stood, walking to the other side of the room to adjust another pillow behind Beth's back. Beth nodded; "I'll get you some soup."
Left alone, Beth surveyed the room - beige walls, a shattered TV, torn brown curtains. She squinted at the notepad on the side table, revealing the branding - Mill Village Motel Eatonville. The coffee pod machine at the room's far end, covered in dust, hinted at a neglected past.
"You're awake," startled, Beth turned to find the man with the furrowed brow at the door - tall and dark, with piercing brown eyes, he appeared softer now, "how are you feeling?" Beth managed a brief smile before adjusting herself, wincing in pain. He rushed to offer a hand, and she took his arm to shift as he adjusted the pillow.
"Want to give walking a try?" The man's warm, brown eyes crinkled at the edges as he smiled down at her, his features etched with concern, his furrowed brow now smooth and his brown eyes sparkled with an unfamiliar kindness.
She shook her head, and the woman returned with soup and water; "she needs to eat before attempting to walk, Austin," she said, setting the tray before Beth.
"Then we'll try again tomorrow," Austin expressed, heading towards the door, "the sooner we leave, the better - we've been here for too long." His footsteps echoed with determination and authority, less frustrated than the other man's but equally resolute.
"I apologise if it's cold. Heating options are limited here. Need a hand?" The woman offered. Beth shook her head, the pounding of her headache resonating through her body.
"Well I'll leave you to it then. Shout out if you need anything, if you can talk at all." Beth glanced down at her bowl of soup, parting her lips as if to speak, but no words escaped. A deep sigh escaped from the woman's mouth as she turned and left the room, leaving Beth alone with her cold, untouched meal. The silence in the room was deafening, broken only by the sound of muffed chatter outside.
The days stretched longer as Beth's need for rest diminished. Boredom and confusion settled in, intensifying as the people from her visions became tangible presences, moving in and out of her room. They attended to her needs but seldom engaged in conversation. At night, their muffled voices in the adjoining room became a distant comfort, and the faint echoes of their arguments a source of intrigue.
"We need to leave," a frustrated male voice pierced through the thin walls, "we have to head further south before winter traps us with little supplies and an extra mouth to feed - considering you're all so intent on keeping this girl alive."
"This woman," a familiar female voice retorted, likely the one who had been caring for her, "needed help - I distinctly remember a time when I wasn't doing well and needed it too."
"You're my sister, of course, I wasn't going to leave you behind."
"I'm not talking about you, Luis," she yelled, "I'm talking about before you came back from Minnesota and found me."
"Why can't we just leave her here with some supplies and a gun. Why do we need to bring her with us?"
"Jesus Christ Luis we're not leaving her here alone and you two can have it out later," intervened another man, "but Luis is right - we need to leave before the snow settles in."
The argument faded into muffled voices again, and Beth strained to catch the words exchanged between the trio. A knock at the door startled her.
"May I come in?" A young girl, the same from her visions, had opened the door quietly without her even noticing. "I thought the yelling might have woken you." Beth nodded, maintaining her silence.
"I'm Chantelle." Her soft Southern accent flowed like a gentle breeze through a cornfield. She pulled up a chair beside the bed. "Luis can get into it with everybody, but he means well. Well, no, that's a lie. I don't know why I said that. He's a dick."
"I gathered," Beth whispered and laughed a little, suddenly overtaken by a violent cough.
Chantelle rushed to hand her water; "so, you do speak. From the way Austin and Val were sayin' it, it sounded like you were mute. I thought, you couldn't be deaf because you've been nodding and smiling like a dang puppet."
Beth laughed and took another sip; "I didn't really have anything worth saying until now. No one has bothered to make conversation."
"Your accent, where are you from?" Chantelle sat down on the wooden chair, her long dark hair cascading down her back in gentle curls. Her bright brown eyes sparkled with kindness as she looked towards Beth.
"Australia," Beth paused, realising she hadn't thought about home for a while, "I'm from Australia," she repeated.
Chantelle pulled out a deck of cards; "well, I figured you might be bored and needed a little human interaction that didn't make you feel like you were in a hospital."
Beth's eyes lit up, and Chantelle smiled; "what do you want to play?"
— — —
"What do you think you are doing?" Austin stormed into the motel room.
"We're leaving. Today," Luis' words cut through the air.
"The van's still in bad shape, and we won't survive this winter on foot." Austin's arms were folded tightly across his chest, the muscles in his biceps and forearms bulging with tension. His jaw was clenched, and his brows furrowed in frustration.
"Then fix the damn van!" Luis yelled, the sound piercing through the walls and resonating outside the motel room for others to hear the heated exchange.
"Oh, sorry, I'll just take it down the road to the mechanic, shall I?" Austin raised a quizzical eyebrow, smirking at his friend. The men paused their argument, exchanging laughter.
"Luis, what's going on with you?" Austin softened his tone, taking a seat on the other bed. "We've been friends since high school, grew up together, served in the army together. This isn't you."
"I don't know, man." Luis sat on the other bed, facing his friend, his face buried in his hands. He rubbed his face hard, threw his head back, and sighed heavily. "This just isn't—" he paused.
"Isn't what?"
"Isn't life." Luis gestured around the room.
"We'll get to the coast, find a boat, just like we planned." There was a slight taste of bitterness in the air, as if Austin's mild frustration was tangible.
"And then what?"
"Do the best we can," Austin stood up, placing a hand on his friend's shoulder, "we all have our dark moments, brother. You helped me get through mine, I'll help you get through yours."
Austin walked out of the motel room into the crisp morning air. The atmosphere was fresh, with a subtle scent of dew and grass. The sweet aroma of winter's imminent arrival filled the air, mingling with the faint scent of burning oil from their broken down van across the parking lot.
"Ben thinks he can fix the van by tomorrow. He found the parts we need on the other side of town." Val caught Austin as he had walked outside.
"He went scouting alone?" Austin looked across the lot at Ben, deep into the hood of the black church van they had found a while back.
Chantelle bounded up before she could answer; "Beth seems much better today. She's eatin' and drinkin' more. I think she could try walkin' today."
"Beth?" Val and Austin remarked in unison.
"Mmm, she speaks - she might have a lot more to say if either of you bothered to converse with her instead of just talkin' to her." She walked off towards Ben, a light air in her hopeful stride.
— — —
Austin found Beth sitting on the edge of her bed, her feet bare and dangling idly over the side. Her toes were curled, squeezing them tightly as she wiggled them back and forth. Her face was tense with concentration as she tried to alleviate the tingling sensation in her feet.
"Beth." His voice was soothing and calming, his words spoken with a gentle tone as he tried to ease Beth's discomfort.
"Chantelle?" She looked up at him, as he nodded, smiling gently. "She's a good kid." She smiled and looked back at her toes.
"Do you want to try walking today?" He walked towards the chair on the other side of the room and sat down as it creaked underneath the weight of him.
"The sooner I can walk, the sooner you can get out of here." She said with a sarcastic air, mocking Luis.
"The sooner we can get out of here." He repeated sarcastically with a smile, a light spread of jest washing over him as he joined her in mocking his friend.
"Your friend Luis seems to be very against bringing me along with you." She looked back at him.
"I'm not in the business of leaving people behind. Especially in Washington in the middle of October," he sat forward, leaning his elbows on his knees, "you wouldn't survive the winter."
"Then maybe you should have just left me to die." She turned her body to face him abruptly. He opened his mouth to speak, but she interjected before he could respond.
"Why did you help me? You don't know me, why did you even bother?"
"Like I said, Beth," he stood up, his wistful tone switching back to cold and dry, "I'm not in the business of leaving people behind." He walked over to her slowly.
"I've lost too many people. I've watched people kill others over a can of soup. I've seen friends leave friends behind to save themselves," he sat down on the end of her bed, "I don't leave people behind."
His brown eyes cut through his words like a thunderstorm. She looked at his face, tired and weathered from sleepless nights with one eye open to ensure his group's safety. She pegged him as their leader - strong and determined with clear military training.
"What happened to you?" She asked softly.
"What happened to you?" He countered; "I refuse to believe you survived a pandemic alone for six months in a foreign country."
She said nothing and looked back at her feet. They sat in silence for a while before he stood up and headed for the door.
"We're leaving the day after tomorrow. We need to head south before it's too cold, and we don't know how long the van or the car will last, so part of that might be on foot."
"I'll try walking today." Beth nodded obediently.
"I'll send Val and Chantelle in to help you." He replied, his voice maintaining the cold cadency.
"Thank you." She smiled, wriggling her toes as the numbness started to dissipate. Before he could leave, she looked up at him again.
"Austin?" He stopped at the door and turned to her. "I know you've all done a lot for me, including putting your friendship with Luis on the line, so thank you. But I have a favour to ask," her voice grew quiet, "before we leave."
"What is it?" He asked sternly at her audacity to ask for another favour.
She looked up at him with tears in her eyes. He noticed her green eyes glisten with the added layer of acridity and the change in her demeanour; "before we leave, I need you to help me bury my husband."

Im just gonna keep typing and hope that things flow out, but I doubt any of it will make much sense. Im flawed, in more ways than one. Ive spent years trying to work on myself, becoming a good human, becoming more generous and kind, less temperamental and more compassionate. Ive had some very harsh opinions on others before, and ive treated many people badly over the course of the years. Im by no means a saint, im honestly just pathetic and I don’t know why im whining anymore.
I have my issues, things so deep I cannot begin to see the bottom of the pit. Ive bottled everything inside because its what I wanted; no one forced me to, no one encouraged me to, but im too stubborn to do what I know is right after I make my first stance.
Im not alone, but I am very lonely. Around 5 years ago I started to become everything that I hated: extroverted and social; likable really. Ive tried so hard to become what is most appealing to people, and it worked for as long as I can remember. Confidence, good looking, ripped and healthy, funny, social, charming, everything you can want in a friend or a human, ive worked towards it. I don’t spend a single night at home unless I want to. Im constantly surrounded by really good people. I have a beautiful girlfriend that is everything I’ve ever wanted in a partner. Im on amazing terms with my exes, and I still thank the skies for having met them and learning what I learnt with them. Ive made amazing friends over the years, ive had a mix of good and bad, and I consider myself fortnute to be able to live this kind of life when others work much harder and suffer to obtain much less. The world is cruel and unfair, but not much to me. Im lucky at times, unlucky at others, ive been raised well and Im wary of new people. I come with the built-in problems, but nothing too severe like the lack of the love of either parent. Im surrounded by an amazing family and amazing people all around. I have close friends I can talk to things about, I think, and a girlfriend that laughs at everything I say. I often get complements on things I perform, be it sports, my looks, body, or skills like playing the piano and others that ive spent so much time trying to learn. Ive worked on myself over the past while, and it paid off; people like me, and I got what I wanted. I proved to myself that my introversion wasn’t mandatory, it was by choice. I’ve always been terrified of being lonely, and yet I find myself here. Its like everything I did was for everyone else, not for myself, even though this is what I chose and this is the life that I wanted. I know , I sound insane, like im gone too far in one direction and cannot come back from this, but nothing of the sort has happened. Im still starting my life, starting my career, professionally and academically. Im even doing very well on these fronts; I leave good impressions on most people that I meet, especially work-wise, and I don’t nearly have to work as hard to get the results needed for certain things… but
But im still lonely. Im still empty, im empty, im empty inside. I feel like there’s a whole world inside me that no one has seen, that I don’t want anyone to see. I don’t want to open up to any of the people that I know, even though ive done so in the past, and those around me are incredibly supportive of everything I do. Am I just insane? Am I imagining all those around me? Is any of it even real? Ive reached horrible points in my life before, mainly just the one time, but ive come so far since then, and that was truly rock bottom and ive survived it. For the longest time I thought that I had met my soulmate, a few of them even, people cut from the same cloth as me, people that understood who I am and what I wanted with life, and they happened to be of the sex that I prefer, which made for an even stronger emotional bond because of other factors.
I think ive just always been sad, and ive always found something to blame it on. Maybe it was the lack of friends, the lack of a partner, the lack of a gaming group, the lack of a career, the lack of a soulmate, the lack of ideas and new experiences, the lack of a wonderful sexual exploration of fantasies… the lack of myself. A character. A personality. Im not sure I know who I am anymore. Anywhere you throw me I fit. Anyway you throw me ill land on my feet. I adapt quickly, even if I hurt myself in the process. But who am I really? What have I become? Ive stuck to my values throughout my life, ive never done anything so bad that I definitely regret doing it and wouldn’t live through doing it again. Ive lived a safe life, but also very exciting. I was able to attain the kind of life that ive always dreamed of having. Being wary and safe but also partying and meeting strangers. Having my first kiss, having my first relationship, driving with friends in the open road at insane hours, watching the sun rise, throwing a big party at a rented villa. Im not sure what im missing. Ive looked into the bar being too low, and ive tried to make it higher, which is what im doing right now. I may lack an ultimate goal, but im not lost in life, I just lost who I am in the process of becoming this kind of “perfect” human. Ive made big promises to my family that I have kept, such as no smoking for example. I don’t have bad habits like drinking too much, or vaping. I don’t do things that put me at risk, im responsible with my money, and I treat others kindly for a while now.
I don’t know if I want someone. I don’t know if I want something. I know I am blessed, but I feel empty inside. Maybe this is a one time thing. Maybe I wake up tomorrow and I delete this because its too weird and embarrassing. Maybe those that I have met weren’t actually my soulmates. Maybe I just need to talk to someone. I honestly don’t know. I don’t have it all, but I have a lot, in me and in those around me, and I am forever grateful. Maybe I want to talk someone about something. Maybe I want to let me tears flow? Maybe I had issues I wasn’t aware of. I honestly don’t know, but right now, I know that je te laisserai des mots is a great song, and listening to things like this just makes me think that everything im living is a dream ill wake up from one day. Some day, maybe tomorrow. I don’t think im unappreciated. I think im just in a plane alone with no one around. I look around and theres no one I can see. I feel like my sould aches and hurts and cries for someone that isn’t there. I dream about people and chase them but I don’t know who they are or why. I don’t know you. You don’t know me. Im fractured here, broken in other places. Everything ive done hasn’t fixed the pain inside me. Maybe I just want to talk to you. A friend, an ally, a soul.
I don’t know who you are, but I long for you. I miss you. Im in pain and I wait for the day we meet. You elude me, and happiness does too.

• soliciting multiple prostitutes (I hacked into his whatsapp and saw he was paying on average $200 for different women)
• left me at the house on my own 70% of the time, he’d go out with his friends to sell c*ke and hang out with anyone and everyone
• have sex with another woman at a party with the door open and some acquaintances saw, yet no one told me until about a year after
• act like I don’t exist in public, yelling and dissing me and making me feel embarrassed in front of other people
• stayed at hotels and had friends and females stay with him (I found out by driving to a hotel parking lot one night cause I had a gut feeling and sure enough his car was there, told me the next morning he stayed by a friends house but then admitted to it after I told him what I saw)
• going out a lot and to events without me, having house parties at his fathers house without me
• embarrassing me by flirting with other girls online and in person
• dismissed my anxiety and told me to get over it because everyone has it (I literally could not catch a breath)
• moved on from me a day after we broke up, he got with this 17 year old chick who doesn’t have a job and goes to the club a lot, she’s not even a citizen from here (no hate to her, but I guess younger girls are easier to manipulate because he cheats on her and she probably doesn’t know)
• let other females diss and embarrass me in front of him, and continued hanging out with those females
• got into a high speed chase with police for selling weed (he got a suspended sentence)
• told me he doesn’t love me any more but wanted to live with me in my apartment because he doesn’t have a job where he can transfer from a bank account (he’s a c*ke dealer)
• When we were out together he would leave me places on my own, l'd feel embarrassed when people would ask me why he'd leave me
• We took molly in a hotel room and I had overdosed and he left me in the room

We broke up in September 2022. I don’t love him anymore but I have hatred towards him after finding more things out. I wouldn’t ever want to be with him now anyway. He’s currently in prison as he was under investigation and was caught with two bricks (2 kgs) of c*caine, an unlicensed gun, other drugs, and cash. He’s awaiting trial and has been on remand since February 2024. I later found out that before they caught him he was on the run for 4 months. I think I dodged a huge bullet there. I’m so embarrassed I dated him.

I will start off saying dating apps are definitely something to be grateful for considering how many matches I’ve had over the years compared to traditional methods, and by playing the sheer numbers game I’ve won the jackpot a few times, reassuring me it’s a daily effort and in some cases worth paying for the features probably.
I wanted to figure out a way to batch swipe for 10-20 mins a day on 4 different apps. It really isn’t that big of a deal. I have a reasonable opener that works and I use a keyboard to my phone so it’s lightning fast.
It’s hard to be consistent and I get burnt out but I know it’s not worth it to sulk in sadness. This is kind of my big push to get off my ass and do this again. It’s been a lazy few years.
Some things I’d like your advice on:
Online dating texting paradox

• in online dating it seems I have to respond within 12-24 hours or they ghost or misinterpret interest
  
• i cannot ask to get coffee immediately, so texting is the basis and beginning of everything to some extent (10 messages)
  
• these two things make it so you’re already posturing yourself as a competent “texter”. It sucks because I wanna leave more in the tank for the date anyways but a lot of girls are adamant about forcing the early convos and progressing into text
  
• I have been able to reduce it gradually. Sometimes it’s misinterpreted but it’s definitely for the best and seems to still work with CW methods. Set the date and you don’t have a big reason to text etc
  

Burnout

• do you find yourself getting numb to falling in love and due to the numbers game?
  
• how do you keep things… sincere… when between the two people dating there’s like 8 people each person is dating. It’s SO hard for me to not imagine it once I start thinking about it. I know it’s better left ignored but man once that spider hits the brain it’s just depressing as fuck
  

His ex sent me this message. Sorry it’s so long! Has anybody else gotten a similar message in the past? How did you react?
Message below: “It’s been over a year of me wondering whether I should just come out and ask you or message you… but being afraid that if I do, and I’m wrong, it’ll be a the biggest mistake of my life. I have begged and begged him to tell me what you are to him, and he denies having anything more than a platonic friendship with you.
I want to preface this message with, I have no ill will towards you, I just want some answers… answers I don’t believe I’m going to get from Jared. I don’t know if he’s mentioned anything about me. So here goes…
November 2022, I sent Jared an email, telling him I loved him, missed him, and though I didn’t require a response back, I wanted him to know how sorry I was for everything that had happened and things had ended. He responded with a lengthy email telling me he still fervently loved me and how he too was sorry for how things had ended. That email lead to the last year and a half of events.
December 2022, I drove down to Roanoke and surprised him at the Carilion garage. He left the hospital as fast as he could that night, and we spent the rest of that evening together, catching up, and he left for Key West two days later. Two weeks later, he came up to DC and we had a late birthday celebration for him at Clyde’s in Georgetown and went to see A Christmas Carol at the Ford Theater. A few weeks later we drove to Jersey to see Matchbox20, by now it was the end of January 2023. Almost every week off, for the last year, he would come up and see me, if even for only two days, or I would drive down to Roanoke and spend the week with him. We spoke about our past, the hurt, and future, he told me numerous times that when he pictured marriage and children, it was only with me, but he needed time. This part is important, and I’ll come back to it later. We celebrated my birthday at a restaurant in Navy Yard, two weeks before you guys left for London. Chris video chatted with that night while we were at the restaurant eating Wagyu, and they discussed the new shipment of sunglasses Chris had gotten for Miggieswear.
The weekend of the Super Bowl, he had come seen me earlier that week, the day after he left I came to Roanoke and left the day of the Super Bowl. He told me his parents were having a viewing party and he had to go home and cook. I’m now assuming he left my Airbnb and came to your place.
That February he planned a trip to London, with Nicole, Ryan and Chris, and what he told me were, Nicole’s “friends.” Nicole happened to post a picture of you guys sitting on the plane and I was shocked, why would Nicole’s friend be sitting between him and Ryan. I sent him a message while you were on that 6 hour flight, telling him that if he had been seeing somebody, then why didn’t he tell me? There was no point in us spending time together if he had moved on. His response to me was “do you even know what you’re looking at? I’m surprised you don’t recognize her, that’s Nicole’s friend. You’re jumping to a lot of conclusions right now and don’t know what you’re talking about.” Something in my gut didn’t believe it but I wanted to trust that, so I did. I put you out of sight, out of mind. When he got back, he told me how he wished I’d been there with him, we both love history and old buildings, it’s a place we would have found magical together. I don’t know who came up with the idea of going to London, but part of me always thinks I’m the one who put it there when I shared the pictures i had taken when I went there the year we had been no contact.
We went to a Kenny Chesney concert in Charlottesville that March when I got back from my family trip to India, and he got back from London. Between work, us both traveling with our families, we were excited to see one another. We were going to go to St Augustine, but because of the weather, we stayed in Roanoke and saw Kenny Chesney in Charlottesville. The original plan had been to spend the night in Charlottesville at a hotel, but we couldn’t get one last minute so we ended up driving back to Roanoke and sneaking into the basement at his parents house and sleeping in his bed at 3am.
A few months later, we went to Richmond, and stayed the weekend, exploring the city, and watched Hamilton at the Altria Theater. A few months after that, we went to Savannah and Atlanta, where he got a flat tire driving into the garage, and spent the rest of the weekend at a yoga retreat. July, he asked me to go to Boston with him and his brother, for 4th or July weekend, but I couldn’t because my siblings were in town. Every single week, he came down and either stayed with me, or made a quick trip to spend time with me…
This past September, I found out he took you to Justin’s wedding, and I broke. I needed more from him. I have known him, been intimate with him, shared my every fear, worry, I have brought him home cooked meals from DC and surprised him at work with dinner, I’ve made him care packages. I’ve made Ryan Easter baskets and sent him birthday presents and encouraged Jared to put him in academic classes, I’ve helped Jared look into private schools for Ryan, and weighed the pros and cons of the options. I had no expectations in return from him other than, at the very least, a mutual respect and HONESTY.
I’ve seen him quite a few times since September and I last saw him in Roanoke at the beginning of March 2024. We sat in front of each other, in his car before he went into work that Monday night, and he told me, again, that when he thinks of marriage and a future, I’m the only one he pictures a marriage and children with. I’m not saying this to hurt you, or to make a point, I’m saying it because i don’t know what to believe anymore.
I became suspicious of his relationship with you, when he mentioned going to Macchu Picchu and hiking through the mountains. As all women have the ability to find out details they might later regret, I did the same thing. Except I didn’t believe he had actually gone to Macchu Picchu. I knew his passport had been long expired since around or before COVID, and I knew he had renewed it before he went to London. But that was when I realized you were the girl in the photo that Nicole posted. When I confronted him about Macchu Picchu, he told me he had been joking and he had also already told me he’d been joking. He had NEVER told me it was a joke, he had actually refused to show me photos when I asked him for pictures from the trip… he had then proceeded to change the topic, which is what had even raised red flags in my head.
My point is, I have asked him point blank so many times whether you two have a relationship. You tell me you still love me, that you picture marriage and a family with me, but this girl is a part of your life, and you took her to a wedding with you, while I was on a trip with my siblings, you took her to London with you, and you continue to tell me she’s just a friend. I asked him again on Tuesday night/Wednesday Morning after he left work, if you two are dating, and he said no. He asked me why I’m so hyper-fixated on somebody who’s just a friend when he has a million other female friends.
In September, he told me he needed a month to clear his head, that he wanted to commit to me, but he was afraid and that he needed to get over the fear and roadblock of our past break up. I gave him grace and understood. So we took a 4 week break. Some time during that time period, he sent me a snap of doves, and said “doves, and swans mate for life.” He sent me Ed Sheeran songs telling me he wants to find his way back to me. “No Strings Attached… you are the one I love”
In November, he messaged me and told me he had a surprise for me and to look for something in the mail. He loves the Count of Monte Carlo, it’s one of his favorite movies, and he told me it was in reference to that. A few weeks later I got a candle, a silver 400 dollar Buddha candle from Thomson Ferrier. I didn’t understand the reference to the Count of Monte Carlo, but it was a beautiful gesture and present… especially because he knew how much little gestures from him mean to me.
Fast forward to January, I got another 350 dollar black skull candle from him, from Thomson Ferrier. At this point I was upset, angry and livid. I called my sister in tears that evening. I had come back to him because he told me he loved me, that he “has a fire that burns so deeply” when he thinks of me. If i had known that wasn’t true, i would have closed the chapter a year and a half ago. I don’t want $700 worth of gifts and candles, I want more. I want marriage, I want children, I want our lives to move forward, I want communication. Out of anger, I packed up the candle, his sweatshirts and clothes that he had left at my place this past year, and mailed them back to his house. I’m sure it’s sitting somewhere in his basement closet/ bedroom… along with his white Huq sweatshirt, a picture of us I had up in my house, and various articles of clothing.
What upsets me is that he didn’t just involve me this year, he involved my family. He sent my mom presents, my parents in return sent him gifts. My sister, parents and cousins messaged him asking him to come around more. There was no point in involving my family, if he was going to involve himself with you. There was no point in involving himself with me, if he was going to involve himself with you. Those leather Indian shoes sitting in his room, my dad bought those for him. That blue sweater, those green pants and that maroon shirt, my parents bought those for him just this last year.
I don’t know what he’s told you about me, but I will say this. I was your age when we started dating. I was 29 years old. He was single, that’s what everyone in our residency program thought. He would tell everyone how Shari left him one day, all of a sudden just got up and left. “I saw the look behind her eyes just change when she looked at me.” He would tell everyone his horrific dating stories. When i started dating him, there was no doubt in my mind he was single… but I was wrong. He wasn’t single, he was dating Devon, one of the nurses from Carilion, and he had been for the past 4 years prior to that. At one point when he moved to Norfolk, she had even moved in with him. Even Shari was visiting him in Norfolk during this time period. I would have never suspected it, nobody in our residency program did. It wasn’t until one day, when he told me his friends were visiting from home, and they were all going to a concert together, that I found out. Her profile picture was of the two of them together, and her Facebook relationship status said “in a relationship.” Out of my own naivety, i believed him when he told me she was crazy and obsessed with him. He told me, to him, they were just friends but she wanted more. Women do a lot of things, but no woman is dumb enough to think she’s your girlfriend when she’s not. When we moved back to our hometowns, Devon was there waiting for him. He disappeared one day for 24 hours, told me that he was helping his dad’s friend who was stranded in NC. A year and a half later, i would find out that was a lie and that he had been at a concert Florida Georgia Line concert with her. She had been visiting his grandmother with him, staying at his parents home. The irony is that a few weeks after he took her, he took me to the same concert in Scranton. Him and his family didn’t bat an eye when a month later, I showed up and was the “new girlfriend.”
Eventually Devon found out about his lies and left him, but again, stupid me thought she was a crazy girl who just wanted so badly to be with him, that she built their relationship up in her head.
Dignity, respect for humans, empathy, are the most important qualities in a human being.
What I don’t wish is for you to be in my spot in 5 years. He will paint you in his colors, make you fall in love with MB20, and take you to Augustana concerts, he’ll tell you that you understand him, and his heart in a way that nobody else does. He’ll bond with you over music, and send you songs that make you feel he’s talking about you. He is so good at making you feel seen, and involving you with his family. He’ll say he had a vision of a girl that looks like you, coming into his life, and here you are, his soul mate. And one day, the same way that Shari, Devon and I got lost in him, the reality of everything will come pouring down on you. Be careful, there are signs between the lines, and the smiles, and good times. Make sure you don’t miss those, whatever you decide.
My relationship with him, started off just like yours. Another girl on the periphery, and teetering the line of inappropriate. Everything you call him out on, will always have an excuse, and you will believe him because he’s the “good guy” who goes above and beyond for people.
I don’t wish for any woman to go through the pain I’ve gone through, the manipulation, the lies and the emotional abuse. I can’t tell you what to do, but I will say, be careful and don’t be blind to the small things that will one day become huge. The novelty will fade, and though Jared isn’t the devil, he has a lot of growing up to do at 40. It was not okay to toy with me and drag me through the mud this year. It wasn’t okay to minimize his relationship with you and lie to me about it. It’s not okay to, to this day claim to see a life with me and not commit to it. I deserve better, and you deserve better.
How men talk about their ex’s and other women is an indication about how they will one day talk about and treat you. That is the worst and best lesson i have learned. I’m 34, years of my life wasted, and he took another year of my life knowing full well, this is how it would end. He’s sat on the phone with me for hours talking about how stupid PA’s are and if you were going to not be a doctor, at least become an NP, who has better bedside knowledge. Why would he say that, because i suppose you’re a PA and it minimizes the significance of even having a relationship with somebody who isn’t as intelligent as he is. The lack of respect will always be there, you just have to look for it.
Dishonesty, and manipulation are a plague, and if that’s who you are at 40, it is who you will always be unless you recognize that something needs to change. Where there is no accountability, there can be no change. I’m not the exception, I’m the same as the two girls before me. He’ll show you text messages where he never responded to me, even though he replies on Snapchat where every thing is erased. I cannot believe i didn’t see the signs. He will make me look crazy and laugh at me, the same way he showed me messages from Jen, and Elisabeth, and Devon, and made them sound crazy to me. I guess that’s his MO. The same way he told me you were nothing to him.
I was going to send you this message, two months ago… i then decided not to because he convinced me he wasn’t dating you… I saw him less than a month ago in Roanoke, i begged him to tell me that he was in a relationship with you. He said he wasn’t, again, he told me he was going to a wedding alone with only Ryan and that he wasn’t taking you. I then begged him to tell me that we were done and that he didn’t love me anymore. His response was idk what’s going to happen a year from now, i know I’ll see you again. His response every time has been when im ready for a relationship, emotionally, do you want me to finally let you know? I don’t care to be with him anymore. I’m so over it but i really think you should know the type of person you’re dealing with.
He has put me through so much hell for a year and a half of my life, stringing me along acting like he’s doing me a favor while he works on his own mental health and claims to still love me when we are together.”
TLDR: my SO’s ex messaged me saying he’s been seeing both of us for the past year and a half. Has anybody experienced this before. She sent me pictures from the past year of them and their text exchanges

My daughter's mom and I both share 50% custody of our soon to be ten year old daughter. We've been broken up and co-parenting for 8 years now. There are no feelings there so please don't think there is a jealousy issue.
Her mom has a boyfriend she moved into my daughter's and hers home after only being with him for 8 weeks. I asked to meet him like I have other partners and she refused, saying he was very reclusive. I asked for his name and she refused, saying he was very private.
Red flag after red flag started popping up over the coming 8 months, including my daughter telling me she isn't allowed to talk about him with me.
Finally a few weeks ago my daughter tells me that he makes mommy cry and is very mean. She says mommy thought I may know what car he drives... so he bought a new car.
I finally decided I need to know who this guy is now that my daughter has said he is mean to her mom. So I did an investigation and got his name.
I did a background check on him and found that he was arrested in 2021 for aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, burglary with a deadly weapon, stalking, felony battery against a family member and several other things. All charges were dropped.
Then there was a battery on a household member charge from just a few months ago while he was with my daughter's mom.
I requested the police report for both incidents.
In 2021 he broke into the home of an ex with a gun. He then proceeded to beat both of them with the gun. Then he racked a round into the chamber and held the gun up to the exes head, before beating the man and her some more. The man sustained a fractured skull and had to be airlifted to a hospital. The ex sustained a broken hand and lacerations on her face.
In the incident with my daughter's mom, he beat her in the face, choked her and kicked her. When she tried to facetime her dad for help, he ripped the phone from her hands, hit her again and then dragged her across the floor by her hair, ripping a chunk of her hair our.
My daughter was not present for it and my co parent refused to pursue charges.
I met with an attorney to see what I could do to get my daughter out of there. She said that none of the charges mattered because they were dismissed. In the 2021 incident, the guy was beat so bad he had brain damage and didn't remember anything. The girl wound up getting back with the guy and refused to assist prosecution.
Because there are no convictions, none of it can be used in court.
So until he beats my daughter or kills her mom.... there's not a damn thing I can do to keep him away from my daughter.
I feel so incredibly disappointed in our legal system.

Other subs do this and it really cuts down on the spam and countless posts asking the SAME shit day in and day out. Make them wait and lurk and hey maybe they will learn something by simply READING and soaking up some knowledge found in this sub.
I’m not being a dick, but JFC it’s the same brain dead lazy posts over and over every single day. It’s not like Reddit is the only source of info out there. There’s tons of YT videos out there that literally show you everything you need to know but they ask here anyway without doing any research on their own.
I also think a lot of this has to do with new buyer excitement. You just bought something, you’re amped up and want to talk about it. I get it, sure but these types of posts are so redundant and make folks not even wanna check this sub for real discussions because of all the crap you half to wade through. Just my 2 cents.

• soliciting multiple prostitutes (I hacked into his whatsapp and saw he was paying on average $200 for different women)
• left me at the house on my own 70% of the time, he’d go out with his friends to sell c*ke and hang out with anyone and everyone
• have sex with another woman at a party with the door open and some acquaintances saw, yet no one told me until about a year after
• act like I don’t exist in public, yelling and dissing me and making me feel embarrassed in front of other people
• stayed at hotels and had friends and females stay with him (I found out by driving to a hotel parking lot one night cause I had a gut feeling and sure enough his car was there, told me the next morning he stayed by a friends house but then admitted to it after I told him what I saw)
• going out a lot and to events without me, having house parties at his fathers house without me
• embarrassing me by flirting with other girls online and in person
• dismissed my anxiety and told me to get over it because everyone has it (I literally could not catch a breath)
• moved on from me a day after we broke up, he got with this 17 year old chick who doesn’t have a job and goes to the club a lot, she’s not even a citizen from here (no hate to her, but I guess younger girls are easier to manipulate because he cheats on her and she probably doesn’t know)
• let other females diss and embarrass me in front of him, and continued hanging out with those females
• got into a high speed chase with police for selling weed (he got a suspended sentence)
• told me he doesn’t love me any more but wanted to live with me in my apartment because he doesn’t have a job where he can transfer from a bank account (he’s a c*ke dealer)
• When we were out together he would leave me places on my own, l'd feel embarrassed when people would ask me why he'd leave me
• We took molly in a hotel room and I had overdosed and he left me in the room

We broke up in September 2022. I don’t love him anymore but I have hatred towards him after finding more things out. I wouldn’t ever want to be with him now anyway. He’s currently in prison as he was under investigation and was caught with two bricks (2 kgs) of c*caine, an unlicensed gun, other drugs, and cash. He’s awaiting trial and has been on remand since February 2024. I later found out that before they caught him he was on the run for 4 months. I think I dodged a huge bullet there. I’m so embarrassed I dated him.

I finally published for the first time. Not the first time I've finished a novel, but certainly the first time I have actively published one .. one that I've been a little proud of. I know it's a long process to get noticed, or even start to see some traction in sales & downloads, but how do you go about promoting your novel? I feel like I'm stuck. 😕
Beginning of chapter one below - if anyone would like to provide feedback that would be lovely. 🙂
[2,310] It began like a surreal haze, a fever dream dancing with unknown figures swirling around her like a languid tornado, their movements seemingly slowed by some unseen force as she awoke to a world spinning out of her control. She found herself surrounded by strangers who moved like spectres in a dream, fragmented flashes who assaulted her consciousness - a woman gently pressing a cloth to her throbbing head, another offering sips of water while she coughed and struggled to swallow, a man peering down at her with a furrowed brow, and a mysterious figure lingering in the doorway with an unsettling glint of desire in his eyes.
The room buzzed with a quiet urgency as they hovered around her, their faces etched with concern and something else she couldn't quite place - an undercurrent of tension that seemed to pulse in time with her own racing heart. These disjointed images flitted in and out, creating a mosaic of fragmented reality. Awake, her body throbbed with pain; asleep, she plunged into a black abyss, time slipping away unnoticed. Each awakening brought the desire for oblivion as her mind plunged back into the depths of darkness.
Beth jolted upright, startled by the sharp bang of a car backfiring. A cry of pain escaped her lips as she attempted to sit up, her back and legs resisting her will. A woman, the same from her fleeting visions, hurried into the room with a damp cloth and a glass of water.
"Easy now," the woman spoke gently, her mild Spanish accent adding warmth to her sharp words as she pressed the cloth to Beth's forehead and helped her sit up, "you're weak, rushing won't do you any favours. The sooner you regain strength, the sooner you can move."
A man, the one with the odd expression in her visions, appeared in the doorway once again; "and the sooner we can leave this place, I'm sick of it." He grumbled, striding away with urgency and frustration. His steps were heavy and fraught with agitation, each one seeming to leave a deep imprint on the ground beneath him. His grumbling was like distant thunder, punctuated by the clenching of his jaw and the tightening of his fists.
"Don't mind my brother," the woman interjected sharply, "it's not you - he hates everyone." Hate, Beth pondered, wondering what she might have done to earn his disdain.
"Are you hungry?" The woman stood, walking to the other side of the room to adjust another pillow behind Beth's back. Beth nodded; "I'll get you some soup."
Left alone, Beth surveyed the room - beige walls, a shattered TV, torn brown curtains. She squinted at the notepad on the side table, revealing the branding - Mill Village Motel Eatonville. The coffee pod machine at the room's far end, covered in dust, hinted at a neglected past.
"You're awake," startled, Beth turned to find the man with the furrowed brow at the door - tall and dark, with piercing brown eyes, he appeared softer now, "how are you feeling?" Beth managed a brief smile before adjusting herself, wincing in pain. He rushed to offer a hand, and she took his arm to shift as he adjusted the pillow.
"Want to give walking a try?" The man's warm, brown eyes crinkled at the edges as he smiled down at her, his features etched with concern, his furrowed brow now smooth and his brown eyes sparkled with an unfamiliar kindness.
She shook her head, and the woman returned with soup and water; "she needs to eat before attempting to walk, Austin," she said, setting the tray before Beth.
"Then we'll try again tomorrow," Austin expressed, heading towards the door, "the sooner we leave, the better - we've been here for too long." His footsteps echoed with determination and authority, less frustrated than the other man's but equally resolute.
"I apologise if it's cold. Heating options are limited here. Need a hand?" The woman offered. Beth shook her head, the pounding of her headache resonating through her body.
"Well I'll leave you to it then. Shout out if you need anything, if you can talk at all." Beth glanced down at her bowl of soup, parting her lips as if to speak, but no words escaped. A deep sigh escaped from the woman's mouth as she turned and left the room, leaving Beth alone with her cold, untouched meal. The silence in the room was deafening, broken only by the sound of muffed chatter outside.
The days stretched longer as Beth's need for rest diminished. Boredom and confusion settled in, intensifying as the people from her visions became tangible presences, moving in and out of her room. They attended to her needs but seldom engaged in conversation. At night, their muffled voices in the adjoining room became a distant comfort, and the faint echoes of their arguments a source of intrigue.
"We need to leave," a frustrated male voice pierced through the thin walls, "we have to head further south before winter traps us with little supplies and an extra mouth to feed - considering you're all so intent on keeping this girl alive."
"This woman," a familiar female voice retorted, likely the one who had been caring for her, "needed help - I distinctly remember a time when I wasn't doing well and needed it too."
"You're my sister, of course, I wasn't going to leave you behind."
"I'm not talking about you, Luis," she yelled, "I'm talking about before you came back from Minnesota and found me."
"Why can't we just leave her here with some supplies and a gun. Why do we need to bring her with us?"
"Jesus Christ Luis we're not leaving her here alone and you two can have it out later," intervened another man, "but Luis is right - we need to leave before the snow settles in."
The argument faded into muffled voices again, and Beth strained to catch the words exchanged between the trio. A knock at the door startled her.
"May I come in?" A young girl, the same from her visions, had opened the door quietly without her even noticing. "I thought the yelling might have woken you." Beth nodded, maintaining her silence.
"I'm Chantelle." Her soft Southern accent flowed like a gentle breeze through a cornfield. She pulled up a chair beside the bed. "Luis can get into it with everybody, but he means well. Well, no, that's a lie. I don't know why I said that. He's a dick."
"I gathered," Beth whispered and laughed a little, suddenly overtaken by a violent cough.
Chantelle rushed to hand her water; "so, you do speak. From the way Austin and Val were sayin' it, it sounded like you were mute. I thought, you couldn't be deaf because you've been nodding and smiling like a dang puppet."
Beth laughed and took another sip; "I didn't really have anything worth saying until now. No one has bothered to make conversation."
"Your accent, where are you from?" Chantelle sat down on the wooden chair, her long dark hair cascading down her back in gentle curls. Her bright brown eyes sparkled with kindness as she looked towards Beth.
"Australia," Beth paused, realising she hadn't thought about home for a while, "I'm from Australia," she repeated.
Chantelle pulled out a deck of cards; "well, I figured you might be bored and needed a little human interaction that didn't make you feel like you were in a hospital."
Beth's eyes lit up, and Chantelle smiled; "what do you want to play?"
— — —
"What do you think you are doing?" Austin stormed into the motel room.
"We're leaving. Today," Luis' words cut through the air.
"The van's still in bad shape, and we won't survive this winter on foot." Austin's arms were folded tightly across his chest, the muscles in his biceps and forearms bulging with tension. His jaw was clenched, and his brows furrowed in frustration.
"Then fix the damn van!" Luis yelled, the sound piercing through the walls and resonating outside the motel room for others to hear the heated exchange.
"Oh, sorry, I'll just take it down the road to the mechanic, shall I?" Austin raised a quizzical eyebrow, smirking at his friend. The men paused their argument, exchanging laughter.
"Luis, what's going on with you?" Austin softened his tone, taking a seat on the other bed. "We've been friends since high school, grew up together, served in the army together. This isn't you."
"I don't know, man." Luis sat on the other bed, facing his friend, his face buried in his hands. He rubbed his face hard, threw his head back, and sighed heavily. "This just isn't—" he paused.
"Isn't what?"
"Isn't life." Luis gestured around the room.
"We'll get to the coast, find a boat, just like we planned." There was a slight taste of bitterness in the air, as if Austin's mild frustration was tangible.
"And then what?"
"Do the best we can," Austin stood up, placing a hand on his friend's shoulder, "we all have our dark moments, brother. You helped me get through mine, I'll help you get through yours."
Austin walked out of the motel room into the crisp morning air. The atmosphere was fresh, with a subtle scent of dew and grass. The sweet aroma of winter's imminent arrival filled the air, mingling with the faint scent of burning oil from their broken down van across the parking lot.
"Ben thinks he can fix the van by tomorrow. He found the parts we need on the other side of town." Val caught Austin as he had walked outside.
"He went scouting alone?" Austin looked across the lot at Ben, deep into the hood of the black church van they had found a while back.
Chantelle bounded up before she could answer; "Beth seems much better today. She's eatin' and drinkin' more. I think she could try walkin' today."
"Beth?" Val and Austin remarked in unison.
"Mmm, she speaks - she might have a lot more to say if either of you bothered to converse with her instead of just talkin' to her." She walked off towards Ben, a light air in her hopeful stride.
— — —
Austin found Beth sitting on the edge of her bed, her feet bare and dangling idly over the side. Her toes were curled, squeezing them tightly as she wiggled them back and forth. Her face was tense with concentration as she tried to alleviate the tingling sensation in her feet.
"Beth." His voice was soothing and calming, his words spoken with a gentle tone as he tried to ease Beth's discomfort.
"Chantelle?" She looked up at him, as he nodded, smiling gently. "She's a good kid." She smiled and looked back at her toes.
"Do you want to try walking today?" He walked towards the chair on the other side of the room and sat down as it creaked underneath the weight of him.
"The sooner I can walk, the sooner you can get out of here." She said with a sarcastic air, mocking Luis.
"The sooner we can get out of here." He repeated sarcastically with a smile, a light spread of jest washing over him as he joined her in mocking his friend.
"Your friend Luis seems to be very against bringing me along with you." She looked back at him.
"I'm not in the business of leaving people behind. Especially in Washington in the middle of October," he sat forward, leaning his elbows on his knees, "you wouldn't survive the winter."
"Then maybe you should have just left me to die." She turned her body to face him abruptly. He opened his mouth to speak, but she interjected before he could respond.
"Why did you help me? You don't know me, why did you even bother?"
"Like I said, Beth," he stood up, his wistful tone switching back to cold and dry, "I'm not in the business of leaving people behind." He walked over to her slowly.
"I've lost too many people. I've watched people kill others over a can of soup. I've seen friends leave friends behind to save themselves," he sat down on the end of her bed, "I don't leave people behind."
His brown eyes cut through his words like a thunderstorm. She looked at his face, tired and weathered from sleepless nights with one eye open to ensure his group's safety. She pegged him as their leader - strong and determined with clear military training.
"What happened to you?" She asked softly.
"What happened to you?" He countered; "I refuse to believe you survived a pandemic alone for six months in a foreign country."
She said nothing and looked back at her feet. They sat in silence for a while before he stood up and headed for the door.
"We're leaving the day after tomorrow. We need to head south before it's too cold, and we don't know how long the van or the car will last, so part of that might be on foot."
"I'll try walking today." Beth nodded obediently.
"I'll send Val and Chantelle in to help you." He replied, his voice maintaining the cold cadency.
"Thank you." She smiled, wriggling her toes as the numbness started to dissipate. Before he could leave, she looked up at him again.
"Austin?" He stopped at the door and turned to her. "I know you've all done a lot for me, including putting your friendship with Luis on the line, so thank you. But I have a favour to ask," her voice grew quiet, "before we leave."
"What is it?" He asked sternly at her audacity to ask for another favour.
She looked up at him with tears in her eyes. He noticed her green eyes glisten with the added layer of acridity and the change in her demeanour; "before we leave, I need you to help me bury my husband."

This is my last attempt for awhile. *Do Not message or add me just to unfriend me or ghost me. * Greetings future partner ❤️ I'm still searching for you. I have to be honest and say that I am losing hope trying to find you.Please be somewhere. I want my search for a partner to be over. I'm seeking adventure in my life with someone I can call a forever partner. I'm tired of the loneliness and the sheltered lifestyle that I've lived. It would mean a lot of you could read through this post so that I could make sure we are compatible. Even if we start off as friends that would be fine.
Here's to new beginnings and new connections. PLEASE make sure you READ through the WHOLE POST also please be respectful when messaging me * *If you're the type to be impatient, block, or ghost easily, then save both of us the trouble and DO NOT message me! I'm not trying to come off as mean but I'd much rather you not message me if you're the type of person to do that. If something isn't working just let me know. We're all adults.
Greetings, I am seeking a long term relationship monogamous with the end goal being matrimony. I am not one for playing around and being used casually as it doesn’t suit me personally. Ideally I'd prefer a man that has his life already in place so that I can be able to share life with him and for him to take care of me. I would expect my future man to have a fiscally stable job and be able to support me and our future family. I wouldn’t be opposed to being a housewife. There are few reasons why I would like to work or work part time: 1) Being abandoned with nothing, 2) I want to feel fulfilled and not bored. Happy to discuss possible dynamics, I'm flexible. I would love a synergistic partnership where we are both able to mold our minds and fill our hearts with warm affection. I will be there to support you throughout your journey and celebrate every moment with you. I want you to be proud of you just as you are with me. I want to show you that you are truly cared for and appreciated by gestures of love such as massages and other forms of entertainment. I would expect the same from you as well. Even if we are both working adults we can still make our relationship work in the best way possible. I have seen this come out well for people who are dedicated and willing to make their relationships work. For a strong relationship to occur I would expect effective (transparent) communication from you. If you are going to be busy just be honest and let me know you won’t be able to talk to me.Also, if you need your space both mentally and physically let me know. I understand that we all have our lives to attend to but it is incredibly important for people in a relationship to be transparent when circumstances arise in a timely manner in order to avoid future conflict. If this relationship isn’t going to work I would expect you to tell me and not ghost or block me before giving me a reason why. We are all adults so I would expect nothing but maturity. Starting out I don’t want the pressure of sex to be pushed onto me. I’d rather let time tell in all of its glory.
Now onto my true introduction
My name is Angie and I'm from Georgia in the United States. I've been lonely for quite some time and find it hard to find a soulmate in IRL. What I'm looking for is someone who I can connect with and have wholesome conversations with. I want to be able to treat my future soulmate well just as much as they do me. The biggest part of a long lasting relationship is the ability to communicate openly without worry. I'd love it if my significant other has a dark sense of humor and continues to crack me up non-stop. As cheesy as it may sound I long for those late night calls and cute texts. I want for us to drive out the very best in each other; become our support system. A little bit about me is that I grew up in Florida and not too long ago moved to Georgia. I'm currently in college to become an RN but I'm also passionate about cosmetic chemistry and nutrition so I may seek to build my own business in the future. I'm passionate about science and theoretical applications especially within the medical field. I'd appreciate it if my partner is open minded about varying topics and welcomes healthy conversations. Appearance wise I'm open to seeing if we have a connection and feel as long as you are well groomed and practice basic hygiene you are good. Although, I must say that attraction is key in a relationship so I will have to go off on that as well. To add on, I enjoy playing video games, exercising (I've been slacking off lately), cooking and baking (vegan), playing board games, reading, exploring nature, playing sports (basketball and soccer) for fun, and trying new experiences. I hope to save up and travel someday. It would be nice for my partner to be able to set up our travel itinerary.
My Physical Description:
I am a black woman who’s twenty five years old (almost 26 in December) with Afro-Carribean, Japanese and Swedish ancestry. I’d still consider myself black presenting since that’s more along the lines of what I appear as phenotypically. I have dark brown curly hair (Mainly 3c type curls) and brown eyes. I am 5 '4 on the thicker spectrum (not at all obese but thick boned and have thunder thighs). I am trying to exercise more to become fit. I used to weight lift when I was younger but since then have lost lean muscle mass. Having a partner that is willing to work out together sometimes is rather rewarding. A man who has drive and appeal is incredibly sexy. I would also like to point out that I am curvy and noticeable in certain aspects (I’ll leave it up to you to decide).
*You have to be MINIMUM 21 to date me *
If distance will be a problem and you aren't willing to make it work then DON'T MESSAGE ME!!
If you will be too busy to pursue a relationship then DO NOT contact me!! * *Again, No ghosters or blockers!! Seeking a person who seeks a relationship with God and/or is open to one Must be free from venerial diseases and must be willing to get tested(will discuss) Bonus points if you're vegan Ideally I would like someone that is taller than me (I’m 5’4) I prefer a man that is fit or trying to be. I'd prefer someone who is fiscally stable and able to support the both of us* A big red flag for me is smokers. It isn't good for your health nor is it sexy to me.* It's important for me to point out that I want children in the future and need someone who may want that as well. If you're interested in how I look and want to know more about me, message me. Although I don’t make it a huge deal, I do prefer White and East Asian men. But I do love all types of men and welcome them. As stated before I emphasize communication and would prefer you to be honest and say if something is wrong instead of ghosting or blocking without stating the reason. Fair warning if I can be socially awkward sometimes and don't know what to talk about so please be patient with me as I'm learning to be better conversation wise

• soliciting multiple prostitutes (I hacked into his whatsapp and saw he was paying on average $200 for different women)
• left me at the house on my own 70% of the time, he’d go out with his friends to sell c*ke and hang out with anyone and everyone
• have sex with another woman at a party with the door open and some acquaintances saw, yet no one told me until about a year after
• act like I don’t exist in public, yelling and dissing me and making me feel embarrassed in front of other people
• stayed at hotels and had friends and females stay with him (I found out by driving to a hotel parking lot one night cause I had a gut feeling and sure enough his car was there, told me the next morning he stayed by a friends house but then admitted to it after I told him what I saw)
• going out a lot and to events without me, having house parties at his fathers house without me
• embarrassing me by flirting with other girls online and in person
• dismissed my anxiety and told me to get over it because everyone has it (I literally could not catch a breath)
• moved on from me a day after we broke up, he got with this 17 year old chick who doesn’t have a job and goes to the club a lot, she’s not even a citizen from here (no hate to her, but I guess younger girls are easier to manipulate because he cheats on her and she probably doesn’t know)
• let other females diss and embarrass me in front of him, and continued hanging out with those females
• got into a high speed chase with police for selling weed (he got a suspended sentence)
• told me he doesn’t love me any more but wanted to live with me in my apartment because he doesn’t have a job where he can transfer from a bank account (he’s a c*ke dealer)
• When we were out together he would leave me places on my own, l'd feel embarrassed when people would ask me why he'd leave me
• We took molly in a hotel room and I had overdosed and he left me in the room

We broke up in September 2022. I don’t love him anymore but I have hatred towards him after finding more things out. I wouldn’t ever want to be with him now anyway. He’s currently in prison as he was under investigation and was caught with two bricks (2 kgs) of c*caine, an unlicensed gun, other drugs, and cash. He’s awaiting trial and has been on remand since February 2024. I later found out that before they caught him he was on the run for 4 months. I think I dodged a huge bullet there. I’m so embarrassed I dated him.

This will mostl likely be my last attempt in trying to find someone for awhile. * Do Not message me just to ghost or block me! Think it through before you message me!! I don't want to get emotionally hurt again.*
Greetings future partner ❤️ I'm still searching for you. I have to be honest and say that I am losing hope trying to find you.Please be somewhere. I want my search for a partner to be over. I'm seeking adventure in my life with someone I can call a forever partner. I'm tired of the loneliness and the sheltered lifestyle that I've lived. It would mean a lot of you could read through this post so that I could make sure we are compatible. Even if we start off as friends that would be fine.
Here's to new beginnings and new connections. PLEASE make sure you READ through the WHOLE POST also please be respectful when messaging me * *If you're the type to be impatient, block, or ghost easily, then save both of us the trouble and DO NOT message me! I'm not trying to come off as mean but I'd much rather you not message me if you're the type of person to do that. If something isn't working just let me know. We're all adults.
Greetings, I am seeking a long term relationship monogamous with the end goal being matrimony. I am not one for playing around and being used casually as it doesn’t suit me personally. Ideally I'd prefer a man that has his life already in place so that I can be able to share life with him and for him to take care of me. I would expect my future man to have a fiscally stable job and be able to support me and our future family. I wouldn’t be opposed to being a housewife. There are few reasons why I would like to work or work part time: 1) Being abandoned with nothing, 2) I want to feel fulfilled and not bored. Happy to discuss possible dynamics, I'm flexible. I would love a synergistic partnership where we are both able to mold our minds and fill our hearts with warm affection. I will be there to support you throughout your journey and celebrate every moment with you. I want you to be proud of you just as you are with me. I want to show you that you are truly cared for and appreciated by gestures of love such as massages and other forms of entertainment. I would expect the same from you as well. Even if we are both working adults we can still make our relationship work in the best way possible. I have seen this come out well for people who are dedicated and willing to make their relationships work. For a strong relationship to occur I would expect effective (transparent) communication from you. If you are going to be busy just be honest and let me know you won’t be able to talk to me.Also, if you need your space both mentally and physically let me know. I understand that we all have our lives to attend to but it is incredibly important for people in a relationship to be transparent when circumstances arise in a timely manner in order to avoid future conflict. If this relationship isn’t going to work I would expect you to tell me and not ghost or block me before giving me a reason why. We are all adults so I would expect nothing but maturity. Starting out I don’t want the pressure of sex to be pushed onto me. I’d rather let time tell in all of its glory.
Now onto my true introduction
My name is Angie and I'm from Georgia in the United States. I've been lonely for quite some time and find it hard to find a soulmate in IRL. What I'm looking for is someone who I can connect with and have wholesome conversations with. I want to be able to treat my future soulmate well just as much as they do me. The biggest part of a long lasting relationship is the ability to communicate openly without worry. I'd love it if my significant other has a dark sense of humor and continues to crack me up non-stop. As cheesy as it may sound I long for those late night calls and cute texts. I want for us to drive out the very best in each other; become our support system. A little bit about me is that I grew up in Florida and not too long ago moved to Georgia. I'm currently in college to become an RN but I'm also passionate about cosmetic chemistry and nutrition so I may seek to build my own business in the future. I'm passionate about science and theoretical applications especially within the medical field. I'd appreciate it if my partner is open minded about varying topics and welcomes healthy conversations. Appearance wise I'm open to seeing if we have a connection and feel as long as you are well groomed and practice basic hygiene you are good. Although, I must say that attraction is key in a relationship so I will have to go off on that as well. To add on, I enjoy playing video games, exercising (I've been slacking off lately), cooking and baking (vegan), playing board games, reading, exploring nature, playing sports (basketball and soccer) for fun, and trying new experiences. I hope to save up and travel someday. It would be nice for my partner to be able to set up our travel itinerary.
My Physical Description:
I am a black woman who’s twenty five years old (almost 26 in December) with Afro-Carribean, Japanese and Swedish ancestry. I’d still consider myself black presenting since that’s more along the lines of what I appear as phenotypically. I have dark brown curly hair (Mainly 3c type curls) and brown eyes. I am 5 '4 on the thicker spectrum (not at all obese but thick boned and have thunder thighs). I am trying to exercise more to become fit. I used to weight lift when I was younger but since then have lost lean muscle mass. Having a partner that is willing to work out together sometimes is rather rewarding. A man who has drive and appeal is incredibly sexy. I would also like to point out that I am curvy and noticeable in certain aspects (I’ll leave it up to you to decide).
*You have to be MINIMUM 21 to date me *
If distance is an issue and you aren't willing to commit then DON'T MESSAGE ME!!
If you will be too busy to pursue a relationship then DO NOT contact me!! * *Again, No ghosters or blockers!! Seeking a person who seeks a relationship with God and/or is open to one MUST be free from venerial diseases (must be willing to get tested) Bonus points if you're vegan Ideally I would like someone that is taller than me (I’m 5’4) I prefer a man that is fit or trying to be. I'd prefer someone who is fiscally stable and able to support the both of us* A big red flag for me is smokers. It isn't good for your health nor is it sexy to me.* It's important for me to point out that I want children in the future and need someone who may want that as well. If you're interested in how I look and want to know more about me, message me. Although I don’t make it a huge deal, I do prefer White and East Asian men. But I do love all types of men and welcome them. As stated before I emphasize communication and would prefer you to be honest and say if something is wrong instead of ghosting or blocking without stating the reason. Fair warning if I can be socially awkward sometimes and don't know what to talk about so please be patient with me as I'm learning to be better conversation wise

• soliciting multiple prostitutes (I hacked into his whatsapp and saw he was paying on average $200 for different women)
• left me at the house on my own 70% of the time, he’d go out with his friends to sell c*ke and hang out with anyone and everyone
• have sex with another woman at a party with the door open and some acquaintances saw, yet no one told me until about a year after
• act like I don’t exist in public, yelling and dissing me and making me feel embarrassed in front of other people
• stayed at hotels and had friends and females stay with him (I found out by driving to a hotel parking lot one night cause I had a gut feeling and sure enough his car was there, told me the next morning he stayed by a friends house but then admitted to it after I told him what I saw)
• going out a lot and to events without me, having house parties at his fathers house without me
• embarrassing me by flirting with other girls online and in person
• dismissed my anxiety and told me to get over it because everyone has it (I literally could not catch a breath)
• moved on from me a day after we broke up, he got with this 17 year old chick who doesn’t have a job and goes to the club a lot, she’s not even a citizen from here (no hate to her, but I guess younger girls are easier to manipulate because he cheats on her and she probably doesn’t know)
• let other females diss and embarrass me in front of him, and continued hanging out with those females
• got into a high speed chase with police for selling weed (he got a suspended sentence)
• told me he doesn’t love me any more but wanted to live with me in my apartment because he doesn’t have a job where he can transfer from a bank account (he’s a c*ke dealer)
• When we were out together he would leave me places on my own, l'd feel embarrassed when people would ask me why he'd leave me
• We took molly in a hotel room and I had overdosed and he left me in the room

We broke up in September 2022. I don’t love him anymore but I have hatred towards him after finding more things out. I wouldn’t ever want to be with him now anyway. He’s currently in prison as he was under investigation and was caught with two bricks (2 kgs) of c*caine, an unlicensed gun, other drugs, and cash. He’s awaiting trial and has been on remand since February 2024. I later found out that before they caught him he was on the run for 4 months. I think I dodged a huge bullet there. I’m so embarrassed I dated him.

My boyfriend has some pus bumps on his crotch area (photo is between crotch and leg). He is 45 yo gay male. He had something similar 2 months ago on one side and was treated with anti fungal cream from visual exam by a general doc. It's now back on the other side. He felt a little burn and itching 2 days ago, and only saw the pus bumps today. He put Betamethasone Dipropionate 0.05% and it seems to make it worse.
Would appreciate ideas of what this could be, as well as course of action, types of exam (ie biopsy) that can identify exactly what this is and what triggered it, obviously how to treat it? Also, should he break the bumps and get the pus out?
Image: https://ibb.co/MsdfW9t
Notes:
1- He has HPV 16 anal HSIL, could this be related???
2- This is not from shaving, he only trimmed in order for me to take the photo.

• soliciting multiple prostitutes (I hacked into his whatsapp and saw he was paying on average $200 for different women)
• left me at the house on my own 70% of the time, he’d go out with his friends to sell c*ke and hang out with anyone and everyone
• have sex with another woman at a party with the door open and some acquaintances saw, yet no one told me until about a year after
• act like I don’t exist in public, yelling and dissing me and making me feel embarrassed in front of other people
• stayed at hotels and had friends and females stay with him (I found out by driving to a hotel parking lot one night cause I had a gut feeling and sure enough his car was there, told me the next morning he stayed by a friends house but then admitted to it after I told him what I saw)
• going out a lot and to events without me, having house parties at his fathers house without me
• embarrassing me by flirting with other girls online and in person
• dismissed my anxiety and told me to get over it because everyone has it (I literally could not catch a breath)
• moved on from me a day after we broke up, he got with this 17 year old chick who doesn’t have a job and goes to the club a lot, she’s not even a citizen from here (no hate to her, but I guess younger girls are easier to manipulate because he cheats on her and she probably doesn’t know)
• let other females diss and embarrass me in front of him, and continued hanging out with those females
• got into a high speed chase with police for selling weed (he got a suspended sentence)
• told me he doesn’t love me any more but wanted to live with me in my apartment because he doesn’t have a job where he can transfer from a bank account (he’s a c*ke dealer)
• When we were out together he would leave me places on my own, l'd feel embarrassed when people would ask me why he'd leave me
• We took molly in a hotel room and I had overdosed and he left me in the room

We broke up in September 2022. I don’t love him anymore but I have hatred towards him after finding more things out. I wouldn’t ever want to be with him now anyway. He’s currently in prison as he was under investigation and was caught with two bricks (2 kgs) of c*caine, an unlicensed gun, other drugs, and cash. He’s awaiting trial and has been on remand since February 2024. I later found out that before they caught him he was on the run for 4 months. I think I dodged a huge bullet there. I’m so embarrassed I dated him.

Seeing all the Supercharger drama compelled me to make this post:
The year is 2009. Tesla is running short on money. The company has delivered its first 200 roadsters to buyers far later than anticipated. All delivered roadsters are recalled for safety issues. Just a few months before, Elon had laid off 20% of the company, presumably to cut costs. Elon had to wire his last 3 million dollars to the company with no guarantee of return because the company would otherwise not have been able to make payroll. To a lot of people, this was proof that the arrogant dot com millionaire would soon realise that he was ill equipped to run a hardware company.
In March 2009, Tesla engineer Peng Zhou leaks information relating to the company's finances to the press. When Elon found out, he fired Zhou and made him apologize to the company. Elon would then send documents to the rest of the employees compelling them to inform him if they had ever leaked information to the press with the promise that they would not receive consequences. Elon wanted to run a company in which important information was not being kept from any employees, but constant leaks would be a betrayal of that trust. To a lot of outside observers, Elon was an egomaniac obsessed with secrecy, whose witch hunt would create a negative atmosphere in the company that discouraged productivity, and Tesla would have been better off with a more stable and rational CEO. He was being "known more for feuds and firings" than building cars.
In the same month, Tesla unveiled a hurriedly built Model S prototype. Hurried, because Tesla was on death watch. Tesla had a significant backlog on roadster orders. The company was bleeding money. So to a lot of analysts, Tesla would never be able to deliver on an even more technologically challenging vehicle. The Model S was described as "absolute vapourware" - the type that was common in the software industry that Elon was coming from, but Tesla and Elon had the "gall" to take deposits on this imaginary vehicle. And even if they succeeded, Tesla would also never lead the EV revolution because they made toys for rich people. Fisker was a better candidate.
One more anecdote from another Elon company: In 2018, Elon was not happy with the progress being made by the Starlink team. 3 years after announcement, the starlink satellites that had been developed were too complicated and too expensive. Instead of reassessing with his team like a "stable" and "rational" CEO would have, Elon jumped straight to step 2 of his "algorithm" and deleted the executives outright. He and a group of trusted engineer would take on the former executives roles and do it themselves.
So, how did those decisions work out for Elon and his companies?

1. Tesla delivered on all the roadster orders, unlike what experts and armchair executives thought
2. Tesla did not go bankrupt, unlike what experts and armchair executives thought
3. The leaks stopped, and productivity did not decrease due to the negativity, unlike what experts and armchair executives thought
4. The Model S was released and delivered, and became the foundation the electric vehicle revolution was built on, unlike what experts and armchair executives thought. Fisker is preparing for bankruptcy.
5. The executives fired by Elon moved on to Bezos' project Kuiper, where they are yet to launch anything significant. Meanwhile, Starlink is a mega constellation, has 2 million users, and made $6bn in revenue.

A more "stable" CEO would never have been able to take an automotive startup and make it the most valuable car company in the world, with over 1T in market cap at ATH. With a more stable CEO, electric vehicles would have been dead on delivery and Tesla would never have become synonymous with electric vehicles to the average person like they are today. I don't pay attention to any of the drama that happens day to day, like what's currently happening with the Supercharger team lately because that is how Elon has always run his companies, and I know that the drama is a part of the process. I will be voting to reinstate his pay package.

The County budget. What's going on here?

I'm finding out something about writing about budgets. Having eyesight good enough to pour through these figures is vital. Sadly, my eye surgery won't be until July so a real time budget analysis will simply prove too big a task for me to do well. I can cover some highlights and ask a few pertinent questions though.
For starters is every Knox County employee outside of the schools really happy about taking a pay cut? This is six straight years they've gone backwards under Glenn Jacobs. While I understand that my platform which emphasized across the board raises until we got County employees up to a competitive pay level with living wages was soundly rejected, but are County employees really happy with getting screwed every single year? You have to wonder.
Second, what kind of feedback is the Sheriff's office giving about the Mayor taking back the raise that didn't even get the deputies up to professional standard? After this year, our deputies will once again be among the lowest paid officers with some of the worst benefits in the nation. I understand many of the culture problems and quality control issues in the Sheriff's department, but it's time we recognized that we get what we pay for in law enforcement. We won't provide full health insurance and we no longer have a pension for our deputies, at least not in any meaningful sense. We are just going to have to live with the quality level the Mayor is willing to fund. If all the Mayor is willing to shell out for is a group of jack-booted gestapo who depend on graft to make ends meet, then that's what we're going to get. This is still a market economy. Pay rates still determine the quality of our employees.
Third, are the teachers really going to fall for the same scam the Mayor pulled on said deputies last year? Their raise is only significant when viewed through a lens comparing it to the way Jacobs has been bending them over and screwing them for the past six years. The School Board is not only showing support for the local Nazis attempting to ban books, but now they've given the nod nod wink wink to allowing guns in schools. What kind of irresponsible self serving totalitarians can completely ignore the real long term needs and goals of our school system and just discount the need to recruit and retain teachers as superfluous. The leadership of this School Board acts completely in the interests of pursuing partisan political goals. That is the very definition of terrorism. We need dedicated public servants in the role of School Board chair, not terrorists. Unless we demand a change in philosophy, that change won't come. Partisan political goals have no place in our school system and allowing the local crypto-nazis to determine the path our schools take is definitely the wrong way to go.
When is the Mayor going to come clean on the Choto/Northshore improvements? We have not completed the projects Ragsdale started and frankly, what the County is in charge of, with the possible exception of some of the greenway work Larsen Jay has championed, that stretch of road looks like shit and is less than functional depending on the time of day.
Fourth, where is the covid response money at in this budget? Last week we averaged ten patients a day in the hospital with covid at an uninsured rate of somewhere north of 15%. That works out to 15,000 a day or over five million a year in indigent covid costs. This is a week when covid is under control. We currently are looking at less than eight weeks a year at this rate. We have roughly the same number of weeks at ten times that amount, so we are looking at about 35-50 million a year in uninsured covid costs and the fed has cut the money off to cover them. Our response to covid thus far has been about 20-100% worse than comparable cities who had a real covid response meaning the direct costs of Jacobs irresponsible incompetence in this area alone will cost the county between 10-20 million. You folks want to know where your raises went? Jacobs took them when he refused to mitigate covid and entrenched us at a disease rate that has kept us at pandemic levels longer than any other like sized city in America. I use Madison Wi. as the city I compare to. Compare for yourself.
What I am struggling with though, is where is Jacobs hiding this expenditure. We know he's paying for his covid policy rather than give the raises these loyal employees are earning, but where is he hiding it in the budget? That is the question. The figure I found for indigent care came to less than 250,000 a year. Where is the rest of these tens of millions? Is he just forgoing the County's fiduciary responsibilities and dumping these costs on us as consumers with higher charges for medical care and health insurance? It's time to pay the piper. We knew there would be long term implications to our covid response, and there are. The issue is that by not being upfront about these costs the Mayor Jacobs is doing nothing more than perpetrating a fraud against the citizens of Knox County and just stealing money outright from every single one of us.

TLDR; This guy I don’t really know clearly has feelings for me. He seems sweet but I’m hesitant because I’m trans and his parents are apparently conservative. Guy is also trying a bit too hard and recently tried to impress me by potentially lying about being a fan of theater.
Heya, so I’m curious to see what people’s thoughts are on a little… situation I’m in. I (transmasc Junior) realized recently that a classmate (male Junior) almost certainly has feelings for me. I’ll call him “Kay” for now. Let me explain.
In my 6th period, I don’t really interact with people much. I’m certainly not shy, but it’s one of those core classes that has a mix of everyone and non of your usual crowd, so you end up struggling to make friends. Theres this small group of guys that I get along fairly well with, they’re accepting of my identity, really chill, and just the kind of dorks that I love surrounding myself with. Because I’ve always sorta had those four, I’ve never breached out to the rest of the class. Which is why it was unusual when another guy (who istg I had NEVER interacted with) approached me while we were changing seats for assigned groups and suddenly said hi. This is Kay.
It was a simple greeting and I thought nothing of it. I asked if he was in my assigned group, and he didn’t really respond and awkwardly shuffled away. Alright, a little weird, but nothing harmful and I forgot about it.
Two days later, the whole class is waiting outside for our teacher to show up and open the door. Kay suddenly approaches me and asked how I was. Reminder that I DON’T KNOW THIS GUY. I didn’t even know his NAME until a week after our first interaction when I overheard the teacher call him. He knew mine though, and I ended up feeling ridiculously guilty for it for that week I was trying to figure out what was happening.
Anyway, I digress.
When he asked me how I was, I was honest and told him I was looking forward to going home because of how tired I was from rehearsals. He asks about what I was rehearsing for, and I explained that I’m in my theater classes’s final show where we host it entirely on our own. But because of how little time we were given, we’ve been hauling ass with rehearsals that last from right after school until 7:30 at night. Then he did something that no one has ever done to me before:
He asked me to save him a ticket. He WANTED to go to this play I was in. No one besides immediate family ever wanted to go to a production I was in. Like… fuck, okay, if that isn’t a sign, I don’t know what is. I told him that I’d let him know when tickets went live.
Flash forward to that following Monday, our teacher spontaneously decided to change up the seating layout in her classroom and told people to sit wherever they wanted that day. I took a random seat and Kay sits, not next to me, but like a table over. I guess trying to not be too obvious? But then he hits me with this ringer “Hey Evan! How was your weekend” It was alright “Did you go to prom?” (Prom was that previous weekend)
Woah.
Now that felt like he just asked me if I was single.
So I tell him “Nah, not this year. But I will next year, for sure.”
His response? “Oh! Well, if you’re not going with anyone, maybe we could go together next year?” Then followed by the quick backtrack of: “As friends!”
Oh. Oh he is stupid. But it’s a kind of cute stupid that I don’t actually mind all that much. It’s sort of endearing how silly it is.
We don’t interact too much after that, I would note that during a class debate where we were split into two teams, he and I happened to be on the same team. Really, I was the only one on my team debating (and, not to brag, but to totally I won my team the debate and I was arguing the opposite of what I actually believed in), but he was the only one who tried to pitch in. Now what he said was out of pocket and didn’t match the stance I was going with at all, but it was sweet how he tried to help. He even leaned over after everything was said and done and thanked for winning the debate for my team.
Really, he seems sweet, but I barely know him. All I know is that he’s in the Medical Technology classes (based on how he wears scrubs once in a while) and apparently plays Call of Duty because he asked if I played. I might download it, just in case he asks again. I’m not the type to fall head over heels quickly. It takes me time. Especially as a trans guy who needs to be careful who they befriend and date because I never know what someone’s opinions of me or my identity is. Or if they even realize I am trans. I dress rather androgynous, leaning towards masculine, and my hair goes down to my collar bone in a sort of wolf-cut mullet thing. I’m short. I don’t passes very well, a lot of people tend to think I am just a bit androgynous rather than transmasc. I should be starting hormone replacement therapy later this summer, but this guy doesn’t know that. Sure I’m not traditionally feminine in the slightest and he has to be okay with that if he’s got a thing for me now. But does he know to what extent that goes? Is he just hoping for a tomboy girlfriend and not a boyfriend? Fuck, man, I don’t know.
With Kay, I’m particularly concerned because when I brought this up in my Theater class, I got two different responses which were not… great. One of my classmates literally squealed “EW!” because apparently he wasn’t a great guy in middle school. But I’m willing to see past that since that was 3+ years ago. People change and middle school tends to bring out the worst in everyone (middle schoolers are VICIOUS). But then my teacher had this sort of “Oh no…” kind of look. She explained that he’s a sweet guy, but his family is also extremely conservative. However, his older brother is apparently gay, so there’s that. Does he take after his brother or his parents? I genuinely have no clue, but I am praying to whatever got that is out there that he’s the former.
So yeah. Terrified of giving this guy a chance. I’m not disinterested, I want to give it a chance, get to know him before deciding how I feel because I literally have no way of knowing until we can have actual conversations beyond “how was your day?”
Then there’s today. We had another short “how are you” conversation and I told him I was stressed (again, because of my show), and he laid it on heavy that he was hoping to go, and I told him “Yeah! I remember you asking me to save you a ticket, but I’m not confident in its quality right now. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen a theater production, but if you haven’t I wouldn’t want this one to be your first.”
He responds with: “Oh no, it’s not my first time, I’ve seen Hamilton and the nutcracker and stuff like that. I like theater.”
I was so excited at first because I thought he genuinely had an interest in Theater, but then a minute later I realized we saw both of those shows in our history class: one was Hamilton on Disney+ and we watched it when we were learning about the Revolution and what not, the other was when we saw a Ballet troupe perform the Nutcracker in our theater because our teacher was a guest dancer in it.
This. Mother fucker. Pretty much lied to my face to impress me. I don’t know if I should feel flattered that he’s trying so hard or insulted that he thought I’d fall for it.
I don’t even know how I feel. I almost want to just call him out and tell him to just ask for my number instead of trying to be someone he’s not to impress me. I might just do that. I’ll think about it.
Anywho, give me your thoughts on the situation. I’m at a loss, and tbh, my friends aren’t being the most helpful. Meanwhile my mom is telling me to play hard to get, which just feels cruel considering how hard he’s already trying.

Just found out about this sub and thought about making a quick vent because this was bothering me much
I get dreams that seem to be random or normal and things appear to be looking okay until some event comes by and ruins your entire dream making it a disturbing nightmare that you could never forget I have been getting stuff like that for a long time but recently it became even worse and worse to the point i sometimes don't feel safe trying to sleep because i am not sure if a nightmare will be awaiting me or not and what's even worse these nightmares are so realistic it feels like they actually had happened and it involves stuff like my friends or family physically harming me or leaving me behind out of hatred or something i have done it was so hard for me to not to think about them even when i 1st wake up from these dreams i take a minute to understand I just had a terrible nightmare as i recall everything with detail It just bothers me to the point I don't feel safe around them as I used to and i feel so guilty about it because they are actually good people that I can't imagine them to be the type of people i have seen in my nightmares