Kaya ba mag move on ng fully kung first love mo? Di ko alam saan magsstart sa kwento ko. Minsan hate ko siya pero minsan miss ko rin siya. Miss ko lang yung time na nakalimutan ko siya pero life really has its ways.
We were childhood friends. Nagkakilala kami ni “Justin” nung preschool palang. Tapos nagkacrush ako sa kanya noong elementary. Of course yung sa puppy love, kilig kilig. Noong nag highschool kami, magka-iba ma kami ng school. We lost touch for a while pero since we had a similar circle of childhood friends we started talking again nung mga 3rd year na kami. Yun we clicked. Exact same footing nung bata pa kami. We talked everyday before going to school and falling asleep. Nagkakamustahan tungkol sa friends at family pati na rin sa mga school work. Minsan din we help each other to answer our homework. Feel ko I really fell for him at 15. He seemed so perfect to me. He understood me and my silences. Parang I didn’t have to explain my soul to him because he just got it. We never went out together na kami lang pag weekends kasi admittedly I felt like hindi ko kaya so lagi akong tumatanggi. As in parang nagrarambol yung mga butterflies sa tiyan ko when im around him. Somehow, parang yung common sense ko nawawala. Lahat pinagusapan namin hanggang sa future and mga trips for summer kahit wala naman kami label. Di ko rin alam if he felt the same way kasi never naman din kami nagshare ng feelings namin na ganon sa isat isa. Oo, bobita talaga. We went on like this until 4th year na kami. Nung prom ko, I brought one of my best friends as my dates kasi nag promise kami nung bata pa kami na kami mag kasama sa prom. I didn’t think of it much kasi Justin naman din told me he and his friends were planning to fly out for a grad trip around that time so I thought wala ding point if I asked him to go with me to prom. The night of prom sinabi ng friend niya na he kind of thought I’d ask him to prom. Shucks di ko alam pano magreact so kinalimutan ko nalang. Ayun so parang medyo nag on-off na contact namin.
When we reached the last half of 12th grade, we went back to where we left off pero deep inside alam ko na I shouldn’t make anything of this anymore. His friends would tease me about him when I’d pass them in the hallway. Tapos when I bumped into his bestfriend on a night out, tinanong niya kung ano kami ni Justin. Wala akong masagot so tumawa nalang ako at sinabi friends lang. One time nagkasama lahat kami ng mga friends namin from elementary for inuman, and that night he stuck close to me. Always walking right behind me kahit na nagpapaiwan ako from the group kasi ayaw kong makasama siya na kami lang. The whole time he was asking me about the guys I’ve talked to/dated in the past years. Our group was bar hopping and just so happens na madami akong friends na lumabas that night. So naghhi hello ako and he’d just stand right behind me. He asked me how I knew most of the boys. Tapos sabi oh friend of friends lang ganon. Actually that night talaga sobrang nagccringe ako sa sarili ko kasi in one of the bars we went to he asked me to cover his part eh I didn’t want to interact with him so much so I nodded my head and paid nalang. We went to another bar naman Tapos he sat beside me. I felt so uncomfortable kasi parang di na gagana utak ko kung magkatabi kami at padami na yung na iinom. Yun umuwi ako with a friend and the night ended at that. I told myself na dapat i-let go ko na yun kasi wala naman din mangyayari at nagiging bobo lang ako. So i started replying slower and slower till di na kami nag kausap ulit. Tapos nung mga last few weeks ng grade 12 nilapitan ako ng kabarkada niya tinanong niya yung nag-uusap ba daw kami ni Justin, bat daw di kami magtry, cute naman daw kami together, bigay niya daw number ni Justin sakin para magkausap kami ulit. Tumawa nalang ako at sinabi na wala friends lang naman din kami. Yun so it’s water under the bridge na. I went to college abroad and I left right after I graduated hs.
While I was settling down in a new place, tinawagan ako ng bestfriend ko. Pagkatingin ko ng mukha sa screen si Justin pala. Tinanong niya kumusta ko at dahil emotional ako at mag-isa sa ibang bansa sabi ko wag na tayo mag usap kasi alam ko may kausap or girlfriend ka na ganon. Sabi niya no wala pero yun din a week later nagpost siya na sila na ng kinakausap niya. Ok lang naman strong naman po ako. So kinalimutan ko na siya tapos masaya na ako. A few times lang rin during college nag dm siya sakin asking if may bf ako ganon pero yun lang.
Fast forward graduate na kami lahat ng college so lahat kami sa batch namin nag uwian sa hometown to catch up. Di kami nag pansinan buong night. Nilapitan niya nalang ako nung may mga kumakausap sakin na mga lalaki. Nainis ako dahil di ako makalandi well since lagi siya nangingistorbo tapos paulit ulit niya ako kinakamusta na parang gago. Alam ko wala naman siyang feelings sakin, lintik lang talaga minsan. May common friend kami na girl tapos sila yung magkasama at nagsasayawan the whole night except nung times na nagpapapansin siya. Yun lang after nalaman ko may nangyari pala between them dati. Gusto kong sabihin na wala akong pake at all pero sa totoo may konting pag-irap ng mata kasi close kami dati ng ate gorl mo. Yun pa sinabihan niya ako that night na gago si guy and all that bago kami pumunta sa inuman. Recently, pumunta sa current city ko yung close friend niya na guy na ka close ko rin. We met up a few times as friends. Yun lang after ng first meeting namin na stinory ng guy friend, lagi na siya nanonood and like sa mga story ko. Ginagago niya ba ako? Or gusto niya lang lagi akong maiinis sa kanya?
TLDR: bobo ako at minsan miss ko pa rin siya

TW: Domestic violence, ideation, SA
These past couple months of my life have been transformation, but exhausting. I recently lost my grandfather to a terminal illness, the man who supported me in countless ways and really brought our family together when he first got sick. His death was crippling for the first couple weeks, but I have since been able to see that his suffering coming to an end is worth more than the rest of us having him still with us on earth. His passing put a lot of things in perspective, including my deep rooted unhappiness in my long term relationship and my unhealthy relationship with substances. Throughout this time, I lost a number of friends to the breakup, many of which led with the whole "bros before hoes" mentality, so much so that not a single one of them reach out when my grandfather did eventually die, and I had never felt so alone. In the mean time, I was able to grow very close with a group of coworkers my age, all in their twenties. On nights where all I wanted to do was get drunk and ignore my problems, they would drive me out to the dam and sit and listen to me sob about how I felt like I wasted the last couple months of my grandfather's life getting drunk with people who threw me away when I didn't want to party any more, all in the name of distracting myself from his inevitable death. They stepped up to the plate when I broke up with my ex and he lost his mind thinking I was a horrible person for not wanting him to come to my grandfather's funeral and just wanting to be alone instead of in a relationship where I was doing so much heavy lifting for little payout. I also had to come to terms with the fact that my ex and I only ever had sex when we were drunk because I really didn't enjoy it, but there was one time where he blacked out and didn't even remember us sleeping together. During that encounter, I had begged him to stop, but he couldn't hear me I guess, and he kept going until he finished and I just laid there and cried while he passed out next to me. I now know that was rape, but in the moment I felt like I did something wrong. That period of my life was so fucking hard, but I made it with the help of some awesome people and newfound sobriety.
Among the group of coworkers was Jack (25m). I will admit, I got butterflies the moment he walked into work that first time, but I never planned on acting on it; it was just a surprising thing that had never happened to me before. He and I started a friendship when he opened up about being new to the area, his desire to move up the ladder in the industry we both work in, and told me all about his dog who he loved so much. His girlfriend at the time, Alyssa (26f) had gotten a job here and they moved three hours north for her job, and he figured he might as well start working at a serious job in his dream industry. Our friendship grew when he commented to my good friend Tony (23m) and I about the growing resentment he had for the area and his girlfriend. Apparently, for years she had always been very dependent on him while still controlling most aspects of his life, but since they moved up here, she had stopped doing any house work, taking care of their dog, and demanding that he stay home to spend time with her instead of going out to meet new people in town (we work in a very social industry, and when he first started, we all got together and offered to take him out to see new things in town, meet other big people in the industry, etc, but didn't take it personally when he said no. However, this convo made it very clear that he wanted to go those four times we tried, but he was informed by Alyssa that he was a selfish bastard for wanting to go out without her and she felt like he hated her so much that he was trying to use work as an excuse to leave her alone. I can't make this up). He started crying about how he felt like a maid, like a doormat that she walked all over and how he wished he had never moved up here, how every time he tried to break up with her she threatened to kill herself and he couldn't live with the thought of being responsible for her death. Tony let Jack know that none of that behavior was okay, and we as a group talked about what Jack really wanted to do with his life and what was holding him back. Shortly after, Jack broke up with Alyssa, who once again threatened to kill herself, got violent with him, and blamed him for throwing in the towel when she did nothing wrong. Tony gave Jack a room in apartment to stay in when it became clear that Alyssa would attack Jack anytime he was home, and he officially moved out within the week. Our coworkers all banded together to make sure he had furniture for his new room, bought him a dresser and a bed frame and we each took our cars over to his old place to move him out. It took a village, but he now has a safe apartment of his own with Tony and he has repeatedly thanked us all for letting him fall apart without judgement. A few months later, my grandfather passed and I was shown the same love by our little group. I have some amazing coworkers.
I was sitting next to Jack in the back of Tony's truck when I got the call my grandfather died. In that moment, it became clear that he really did care about me, and I am so grateful that he was there for me even when I swore I didn't need anyone. This all happened shortly after my breakup and newfound sobriety, so I was an absolute mess, but Jack didn't care. I opened up to him about my assault, my problem with drinking, and all the ugly parts of myself and he never once treated me like damaged goods. He and I fell apart and helped each other try to stitch together new lives at the expense of our old ones. I constantly am reminded by friends and family how much happier I am now, and I can give a lot of that credit to Jack and his patience and care. The same can be said for Jack, too. He and I hooked up one night months after I was single and felt slightly more in control of my emotions, and after doing that a couple more times, we started dating five months ago.
Now here comes the kicker. Jack has made some shitty choices in the past that I did not know about until we got together. Apparently, he had cheated on one of his exes at college, and when he and Alyssa first got together, he had been sleeping with two other girls who he cut things off with pretty suddenly when he got the chance to sleep with Alyssa, then they started dating a few weeks later. There are a number of girls that he kinda fucked over before the age of twenty, but he doesn't talk to any of them anymore and knows that he was in the wrong for all of them. Growth, I hope. I found out that he was still somewhat connected to one of them, and when I told him how worrisome that made me, he immediately apologized for not realizing earlier how that would make me uncomfortable and quickly (per his own volition) let her know that he did not want to continue talking because he felt it was clear she only really wanted to sleep with him and she had very little respect for his monogamous relationships. She flipped shit and he was glad that he was able to cut ties because apparently that wasn't the first time she tried to guilt trip him into staying in touch with her. But mostly, Alyssa has become a fairly constant fixture in our relationship. Because they had a dog together, Jack has to ask Alyssa when he can go over there to see the dog. She only does it on her terms, which is understandable, but she will constantly blame him for not taking care of the dog (Tony has two cats, and while Tony wants Jack to take the dog to their apartment, he doesn't think the cats would feel safe and they are already very skittish). She texts him biweekly saying that she found something of his, like a box of ties, a thing of utensils, etc, and demands he come get them and walk the dog asap. More than once, she has called him early in the morning asking him to come over because something is wrong with the dog, but most recently she called at 7 am saying "You need to get over here now, something is wrong with the dog. This shouldn't all be my problem and you should be the one taking care of this." He tries to get more info but she refused and said it shouldn't matter, he should just drop everything and take her to the vet and stop asking questions. He asked her to wait a few hours and if she still needed help he would come. Turns out, she clipped the dog's nail too short and the dog was bleeding a little, and that's what the phone call was for. But most alarming, Alyssa texted Jack repeatedly when we were on a lunch date saying that he needed to come take the dog because she was going to the mental hospital for suicidal ideation. Understandably so, we get the bill and Jack loses his mind in the car. He was terrified. She never did go, and when Jack reached out to her mom, she said Alyssa was fine and had no idea what he was talking about. She texts him randomly telling him he better come spend time with the dog because she's thinking of moving south again, three hours away, and will basically text him threatening stuff all the time all with the guise of him seeing the dog. I know this is all something I signed up for, but between the crazy shit with Alyssa and his cheating in the past, I don't know how I got myself involved in something so messy. Yes, he was being abused and now he is so grateful for the love I give him, but I still feel somewhat insecure based off how much say Alyssa has on his mood. He doesn't fold for anyone like he does for her, and while she or us will move out of state within the next year, I guess I mostly need to know what people recommend in terms of me feeling more secure in myself. This is a bug weight on my shoulders and while I do love him and am happy he his around, I need to prioritize myself above all else. Please help.
TL;DR: My boyfriend (25m) and I (21f) have been through a lot. His ex girlfriend is very manipulative and I want to make sure I am taking care of myself to be the best version of myself after having a very transformative year (newfound sobriety, death of my grandfather, loss of many friends, and grief over a past relationship). I don't doubt that he loves me, I just want to look out for myself and make sure I am making healthy choices while we navigate a very heavy period of our lives together. Thanks in advance.

Successor : u/maria90909
My journey began a few years ago when I discovered the New Thought Movement. I wasn't in a good place mentally and emotionally and searched for something that would help me make sense of my life events. I read books by Neville, Zeland, Hicks, Allen, Hill, Byrne, Scovel Shinn, Murphy, Haanel, Tolle, Despenza, Maltz, Doty, and many many others. Yep... I was a little obsessed. But, Neville's work was my favorite. It is his wisdom and insight that helped me start off a string of conscious manifestations that changed my life.
I'll never forget my first conscious manifestation. I decided to test the law and picked something small and random. I wanted a large butterfly to land on my left pinky. I visualized and did SATS for a few days then forgot about it cuz I still thought it was stupid. 4 weeks later, I am at a beach with my friends having a blast and what I am seeing? A butterfly flying in circles around me. It didn't land on my finger but it eventually landed near me. I approached it and extended my arm. Normally that would have spooked a butterfly, but this one just sat there. I asked a friend to take a photo. Then I extended my hand more and the butterfly climbed up my left little finger and sat there for a few seconds. I was in shock but kind of had to hide it because I didn't want my friend to start asking questions. I wasn't ready to explain it.
I remember driving home and thinking WHAT THE #$%^K I now have free time to enjoy my hobbies. I'm finally writing my first novel. I have had a bumpy ride with my SP because of my shaky self-esteem (well, it was shaky pre-Neville but it is much better now). Things have been improving between us. I have perfect health and am in a good mood (note, I used to get depressed here in there in the past, but then did SATS on feeling joyful and am reaping the benefits now). Like that's actually insane, now that I look back at it. I have manifested a bunch of new friends - all amazing, kind, loving, and happy people. All of these things took me 1.5 years of sats and positive self-talk.
I even caught myself thinking: what now? I feel like I have everything I've ever wanted. I saw a few other people here on this sub asking this same question -- what do I do now that I have everything I've ever wanted? Well for me... I feel it's time to just enjoy life. I do lots of arts and creative work, and that makes me super happy. The rest of my free time I dedicate to helping my family, my friends, my community. I actually dream of starting a charitable org here in my city. I feel very grateful and I feel a strong urge to give back.
Why am I sharing this blah blah with you, guys?
I simply want you to believe in yourselves. I want you to know that you are Gods. Some people are uncomfortable with this title, then just think of yourself as being in complete control of everything. That is pretty freaking empowering if you were to ask me. This community has been a major support network for me, and I want to thank you all for being awesome.
Just know that everything is possible. And, I mean everything.
Adding a photo of that butterfly right before it climbed up my pinky.
Happy Holidays!

1. Sonder: The protagonist, while people-watching in a crowded city square, experiences a profound sonder moment, realizing the intricate stories of those around them.
   
2. Énouement: On their 30th birthday, the protagonist reflects on the énouement of their life, pondering the unexpected twists and turns that led them to this moment.
   
3. Chrysalism: During a cozy thunderstorm, the protagonist finds solace in their home, reveling in the chrysalism of raindrops tapping on the window.
   
4. Monachopsis: Attending a high-society event, the protagonist, feeling out of place, grapples with monachopsis in a sea of unfamiliar faces.
   
5. Liberosis: After a life-changing event, the protagonist embraces liberosis, letting go of trivial concerns and embarking on a minimalist lifestyle.
   
6. Vellichor: Exploring an old, dusty library, the protagonist inhales the vellichor of aged books, each telling a story of bygone eras.
   
7. Anecdoche: In the midst of a lively party, the protagonist engages in an anecdoche, trying to share a personal story amid the chaotic chatter.
   
8. Jouska: The protagonist engages in a silent jouska, rehearsing a conversation with a loved one that they never have the courage to voice.
   
9. Nighthawk: Alone in their thoughts during a sleepless night, the protagonist experiences nighthawk, contemplating the choices that brought them to this insomnia.
   
10. Occhiolism: Gazing at the vast night sky, the protagonist grapples with occhiolism, feeling infinitesimally small in the grand cosmos.
    
11. Lachesism: The protagonist, seeking a thrill, faces lachesism head-on by participating in extreme sports, craving the adrenaline rush.
    
12. Rubatosis: During a moment of anxiety, the protagonist becomes acutely aware of their own heartbeat, experiencing rubatosis in a tense situation.
    
13. Exulansis: Unable to convey a deeply personal experience, the protagonist faces exulansis, resigning to the solitude of their unshared story.
    
14. Sonderlust: Inspired by wanderlust, the protagonist embraces sonderlust, setting off on a journey to explore diverse cultures and connect with strangers.
    
15. Limerence: The protagonist, captivated by someone new, grapples with the intoxicating effects of limerence, navigating the complexities of infatuation.
    
16. Altschmerz: The protagonist, burdened by the weight of recurring issues, confronts altschmerz and seeks a new perspective on long-standing challenges.
    
17. Chiasmus: Engaging in a heated debate, the protagonist skillfully uses chiasmus to convey a powerful argument, leaving their opponent speechless.
    
18. Hiraeth: Visiting their childhood home after years away, the protagonist experiences hiraeth, longing for the simplicity of bygone days.
    
19. Xenization: Immersed in a foreign land, the protagonist grapples with xenization, navigating cultural differences and seeking a sense of belonging.
    
20. Petrichor: Walking through a rejuvenated forest after a rainstorm, the protagonist relishes in the petrichor, a reminder of nature's resilience.
    
21. Ineffable: Confronted with an indescribable beauty, the protagonist struggles with ineffable emotions, unable to capture the experience in words.
    
22. Resfeber: As they prepare for a significant journey, the protagonist feels resfeber, a mix of nervousness and excitement, anticipating the unknown.
    
23. Avenoir: Reflecting on a lost love, the protagonist yearns for avenoir, a glimpse into an alternate future where the relationship flourished.
    
24. Adronitis: Attending a crowded party, the protagonist experiences adronitis, the frustration of struggling to connect with others in the social chaos.
    
25. Chrysoprase: Discovering a hidden gem, the protagonist feels chrysoprase, an unexpected surge of joy and delight in the midst of daily life.
    
26. Fernweh: Looking at a world map, the protagonist succumbs to fernweh, a deep desire to explore distant lands and experience the unknown.
    
27. Zephyr: Standing on a cliff overlooking the ocean, the protagonist feels the gentle zephyr, contemplating the ephemeral nature of life.
    
28. Torschlusspanik: Approaching a significant life milestone, the protagonist grapples with torschlusspanik, fearing the narrowing of opportunities as time passes.
    
29. Cavil: Engaging in a philosophical discussion, the protagonist delights in cavil, exploring nuanced arguments and challenging conventional wisdom.
    
30. Mamihlapinatapai: Locked in a prolonged gaze with a potential romantic interest, the protagonist experiences mamihlapinatapai, the silent communication of mutual desire.
    
31. Nefelibata: The protagonist, lost in creative pursuits, embraces nefelibata, living in the clouds of their imagination and artistic expression.
    
32. Ubuntu: Faced with a communal challenge, the protagonist draws strength from ubuntu, a sense of shared humanity and collective support.
    
33. Boketto: Staring out of a window, the protagonist engages in boketto, lost in contemplation and daydreaming.
    
34. Hygge: Creating a cozy reading nook, the protagonist immerses themselves in hygge, finding comfort and contentment in simple pleasures.
    
35. Amae: Seeking reassurance, the protagonist experiences amae, leaning on loved ones for emotional support and connection.
    
36. Ukiyo: The protagonist, embracing a carefree lifestyle, embodies ukiyo, reveling in the fleeting pleasures of the present moment.
    
37. Sankofa: Confronted with personal growth, the protagonist embraces sankofa, learning from past experiences to shape a brighter future.
    
38. La douleur exquise: Receiving an unrequited love letter, the protagonist grapples with la douleur exquise, the exquisite pain of wanting someone unattainable.
    
39. Mudita: Witnessing a friend's success, the protagonist feels mudita, genuine joy and celebration for the happiness of others.
    
40. Yūgen: In a moment of deep introspection, the protagonist senses yūgen, an awareness of profound beauty and mystery in the universe.
    
41. Ikinokori: Surviving a life-threatening situation, the protagonist feels ikinokori, a heightened appreciation for the gift of life.
    
42. Ephemeral: Observing a butterfly's brief existence, the protagonist reflects on the ephemeral nature of beauty and life.
    
43. Thalassophile: Standing on a serene beach, the protagonist embraces their thalassophile nature, finding solace and connection with the sea.
    
44. Psithurism: Camping in a peaceful forest, the protagonist listens to the soothing psithurism of leaves rustling in the wind.
    
45. Obfuscate: Navigating a complex political situation, the protagonist strategically uses obfuscation to protect vital information.
    

Note: To make it less confusing and for privacy reasons, names of cities/areas are given fake names.
My family and I (25F) are going to be moving to Oakville in the next couple of months. I’m not excited about it. Mainly because I’m going to be farther away from my boyfriend whom I love dearly, but also because I’m going to be extremely lonely once we move.
When I was about 4, my family moved to Stoneway where I spent the majority of my life there. Then, in 2020, we had to move to Grayton (about 32 minutes away from Stoneway). I had to say goodbye to my close friends whom I’ve grown up with since elementary and high school, something I never thought I had to do so that was hard on me emotionally. When we moved to Grayton I was extremely lonely and had a hard time adjusting to the new home. I don't like major changes, and I felt homesick for my old house and friends. I don't know if it's normal to feel that way as an adult, I felt like a kid.
After living in this area for about 4 years, I've gotten used to it. I don't love it, I find the area very boring. I still miss Stoneway. Now, my dad recently found a new workplace, in Oakville. I've never been there, I don't know what the area or people there are like. When I found out that we were going to move again, I looked on google maps to see how far is Oakville from where my boyfriend and our friend group live (Summerdale). And depending on what street we move to, it's about 55 minutes to an hour by car...
While this has pushed me further to get my driver's license, with the way that I am, I'm going to be lonely and unhappy in Oakville. Sure, I could always go visit places alone, but I can only do that so much to the point that I start wishing I had my friends with me. And since my friends are adults, some of them are either still in school or working full-time jobs, and some of them might not be willing to drive that far (gas is hella expensive in my province) or take a bus for 2 hours.
I thought about downloading BumbleBFF, but didn’t because A) the idea of paying money every month just to use an app to make friends sounds weirdly dystopian to me, and B) I’m very cautious over people online/apps because, for all I know, they could be a liar or looking for their next victim.
Some important context: I have mild autism, which affects how I socialize with some people. I’m not a social butterfly but I find that when I’m introduced to/meet the right people, I can keep a conversation going. Another reason that I’m not going to go into why because it’s extremely personal, is that I also have major trust issues when it comes to making friends.
I want to make friends in the new area so that I don’t have to go to places alone all the time, so that I won’t feel sad every time I see friends having fun, so that I don’t waste my life rotting in bed and going to work when I could be going to events with people who like me and making memories.
But the thought of having to open myself up to someone who may have negative intentions, or could later turn out to be a bad friend, or something worse… terrifies me.
TLDR; I'm a 25F who is moving to a new city and wants to make new friends in that area, but I have issues socializing and trusting people.
Any advice is appreciated <3

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1uYSBkSdqDABQvpN_qeEoSpL2jEriTnil?usp=drive_link
For iPhone screensavers/screenshots;

• I recommend opening this and saving it on your PC/laptop, and then downloading the Google Drive app on your phone. From there, you can save any of the photos that you like and make them your wallpapelock screen/photo shuffle.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Spoilers regarding Faith's segment in Far Cry 5:
_________
Faith's Post-Introductory Act
Faith and her story trope were easily my favorite characters of all time. While I am a victim of the "I can fix her" sentiment, Faith was a breathtaking artistic representation of what true freedom looked like;

• A pretty lady, in a pretty dress, in a transcendental garden -- dancing to her heart's content, independent of the forces that have kept humankind from ascending to the stars.
• A single path, highlighted by flowers -- safeguarded by deer and elk, anointed by the butterflies who fit frame-perfect between the horns of the latter.
• A scene blessed in the sun's vermillion twilight -- The setting's permanence juxtaposing the otherwise fleeting moment, allowing for a feeling of resurrection.

Faith's Final Act
By her final act, we've already been given enough time since the Post-Introductory encounter to simulate and pre-plan our final interactions with Faith. In case you couldn't tell, I was completely spellbound by Faith and her shenanigans.

• Consequently, when I saw the Marshal walking towards the gate, I had to let him go, since I would've done the exact same thing (Sorry Whitehorse >_<) ^{never mind the fact that I had to restart the mission big sadge face.}

Faith's Encore
The final scene with Faith. When she reaches out to you, and your character recoils at her movement, solidifying her fate -- it hurt.

• As my hope of saving Faith grew dimmer, my emotional rollercoaster of freedom came grinding to a halt. I still feel like the story was interrupted ... like it just wasn't finished yet. Like, this story was too perfect to not have a happy ending ... but at the same time, the abrupt end of the story almost gives it its meaning:
  • Beauty fades -- that is why it is beautiful. ^\)^LoL\)
• Even despite this, I can't help myself from making "what ifs" in my head. I keep trying to rewrite the ending of this story, trying to find a happy ending. If there exists the meaning of life, wouldn't it be finding your way "back" to this place?

PSA: Through careful consideration of the hotness-craziness theorem, we are omitting the murder drug-hobo tendencies in today's character evaluation.

My ex-fiance (38M), we'll call him John and I (30F) met 8 years ago. We both came into the relationship with kids from previous marriages but did our best to blend our family. I thought I knew what love was before him but he taught me what love really was. You know, that kind of love that when you think about it your heart hurts but in the best way possible. During the few years we were together we had broken up and gotten back together twice, but every time we came back stronger than before. During that time we got engaged, and even though we had our issues we were happy. When we hit our 7 year anniversary I thought this was it. We had made it through deaths of those close to us, medical issues, issues with family and COVID. If we could make it past all of that, past the 7 year itch it we were meant to last.
During those 7 years I had been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder on top of my already crippling depression and anxiety, and God bless him for sticking it out with me while I was adjusting to all of those medications. I know I was an absolute mess during that time. But January of 2023 I started having a lot of strange symptoms that caused me to spiral. I eventually made a doctors appt and was referred to Neurology for possible MS. After a negative MRI I was referred to Pulmonology for a sleep study for Narcolepsy which I thought for sure was a waste of time and money, but I'd do whatever I needed to do to find out what the hell was wrong. Everything had caused us to fight more than we had in years and I was ready to get back to our normal. Unfortunately I had to wean myself off of all my medications for the sleep study which was by far the hardest month, but eventually got diagnosed and sure as shit I have Narcolepsy.
My medical team and I decided it best to stay off of my medications until we found a narcoleptic medication that would work. Through all of this I tried my hardest to let him know how I was feeling so we could at least know that there would be light at the end of the tunnel at some point. After months of trying new medications and dealing with the absolutely horrible side effects I found a medicine that seemed to be working. Because it can cause adverse reactions to just about everything, they didn't think that getting back on my other medications would be safe. (I have to check every OTC medicine I take with the manufacture to make sure it won't cause any issues, which I follow religiously since taking an antibiotic sent me to the ER already).
We hit a wall in September and decided therapy would be our last ditch effort to make our relationship work, the fighting had gotten so bad that we didn't know if we could keep going the way we were. We made it 2 sessions in before we had a huge blowout and both said we just needed to call it quits. It took me about a week before it sunk in and then it hit my like a freight train. I went from being sad to spending most of the day in tears and sobbing myself to sleep. During that time he moved into the guest room and I stayed in our bedroom to give us some distance until I could move out. He went on a trip to think and get away while I was in that house reliving every good memory we had had there. After he got back I broke down and begged him to work things out, I knew I loved him and didn't want to think of my life without him. I had gotten to the point that I had planned to end my life because a life without him wasn't one I wanted. So fucking selfish on my part because I'd be leaving my kids without a mom. He kept saying that we couldn't make it work and we just needed to move on. As hard as it was, I tried to accept it and shut myself off emotionally to get through it.
I eventually was able to find an apartment that would keep my kids in their schools and with their friends. My moving date was mid-November and I slowly started packing, getting rid of things I couldn't take with me since I needed to downsize and buying the necessities to start over. The night before my move he told me he wanted to work things out and not to leave. All I remember was being so damn angry that he waited until everything was paid for, rented and packed. As much as I still loved him I knew I needed to leave. We decided that we would try and see if we could work things out living apart, maybe that was what we needed. Some space to just get our heads in order. It didn't last long. I was so angry that he would wait until I was out the door to decide he wanted to work things out. After I had spent weeks begging him to work things out. I just couldn't see past my own anger, I wasn't ready to forgive him.
Around mid-January 2024 we started talking again and even though I knew I wasn't in a good headspace I decided to try and work things out due to his insistence. During that time he re-proposed but I just couldn't feel the same as I did before. I knew that I loved him, through it all I never stopped and said he was the love of my life and would be until the end. Despite that it lasted until the last week of February. I drove to his house with the ring in it's box and told him I just couldn't do it. I knew that I had broken him, but I couldn't see it working. As hard as I tried I couldn't picture us, even my own future. I was just so lost.
A couple of weeks later it clicked that everything I had been going through was my bi-polar rearing it's head, unmedicated and in full force. I was so erratic, going through the worst manics I had experienced, the depression and anxiety had gotten almost unbearable and the thoughts of suicide had gotten so bad that I didn't think I'd make it. I had pushed everyone I loved away and isolated myself from the world. I felt numb inside. Despite the risks I went in and got back on the medication I needed so fucking badly to survive.
During that time John and I started talking and seeing each other. I hadn't told anyone else about getting back on my medications and he had been there when I started them the first time. So who would be better at helping me through it than him? I made it abundantly clear that I wasn't ready for anything. I needed to work on my mental health and get to a good place before I could give to anyone. But if he was still around by the time I was in that good place mentally and he still wanted me, I would be all in. We would set a date and get married. No more dating, being engaged for years again, it would be marriage and till death do we part. Throughout that time he assured me that if he was still around and wasn't seeing anyone by then he would be all in as well. We both loved each other more than anything, I just needed to be ok.
During one of our conversations I told him I was close to being better but I wasn't 100% there yet, but he was the one. When he told me that I didn't need to be perfect, because my mental health would never be perfectly in check. I knew I was well enough that I could say that I was ready to be with the love of my life. I finally started to feel again, like everything I stopped feeling had been held behind a wall and it just came crashing down, flooding me with every last emotion I had suppressed. I told him I was sure and ready to move towards our forever. Once I did it was like a switch had flipped. He said he wasn't sure that I really knew what I wanted and that he needed time to figure things out before he could give me a solid answer. That was almost a month ago. We still talk and see each other but he says he is still trying to figure out if he can be sure that I'm all in.
I refuse to beg him to be with me, I've done it before and won't to do it again. I know I love him more than anything. I still get butterflies when I see him and my heart hurts so damn much when I think about how much I love him. I keep telling myself that he's going through a lot, and needs time and I need to be patient. But part of me feels like he's punishing me for breaking his heart in February. I'm at a loss. I'm hurt that after all of this time and all of those conversations we're in this state of limbo. Do I wait and hope that he eventually figures out whatever he needs to figure out or do I just give him space and cut off the daily communication and hope that one day he'll tell me that he wants to move forward?

I’ve had doubts from the beginning. I had like infatuation for the first few weeks I guess but then i had doubts 24/7. Constant relationship anxiety. I can’t tell if my heart has ever been connected to him because I feel like it hasn’t been. I feel like he’s not even in my life or physically there or emotionally there. I feel like he’s not even a real person. Even if i see him I feel absolutely nothing. I get butterflies here and there or when i am getting those excitement feelings he’s not avilaable to talk because he is pretty busy sometimes. He’s also really boring Sometimes he barely talks or says anything sometimes annd he says it’s because he’s quiet. we can barely connect on anything. And when he says he’s not free to talk in those moments of excitement it quickly fades away because resentment and anger subside. I feel fake everyday talking to him i feel fake even texting him or calling him. I keep getting signs such as angel numbers i also have the ex crush theme going on where most of the time I’ll think about how he’ll fit in my life rather than my current relationship. I don’t see a future in my relationship i saw posts on instagram where you know it’s over when there are all these things and i feel like it actually is now. Because now I can’t even think about him much. And I know people talk about the numbness and backdoorspike but I feel like okay a little bit. Idk please help

Hello! It’s been a little while since my last review, longer than I thought it’d be. I’m currently dealing with a decrease in motivation that I’m hoping to rectify in the coming days. But with that in mind, this review is gonna be split into parts, since I don’t want to have long gaps between reviews happen again. This also gives me the chance to experiment with the format that I’ll use when I review stories that also structure themselves into parts, seasons, or acts in the future. So let’s get started with the 1st part of this story with Drake finding his way to Wartwood.
First, I like the alternating perspectives between Marcy, Sasha, and Drake. It’s pretty cool to see Marcy and Sasha’s exploits in Amphibia in stories, and they’re written pretty well, too. While Marcy’s trying to figure out how to stop some cultists, Sasha’s trying to escape from Toad Tower, and Drake’s trying to find a town to crash in. So let’s go through these perspectives one-by-one.
First, there’s Marcy’s perspective, with her getting acclimated to Newtopia and find out where the cultists mentioned in the “Theme Song Takeover” were located. It’s interesting to see Marcy’s expectations of how things would go for her when compared to the reality. That reality being staring at the corpses of dead cultists after a mission to retrieve the final book needed to locate their headquarters goes wrong. This essentially leads to Marcy grappling with the reality of the world, which’ll be interesting to explore later, as the first arc doesn’t expand on Marcy’s adventures past that point.
Then there’s Sasha’s perspective, which starts with her being put in Toad Tower. While things go pretty much how her time in Toad Tower went in canon, we get more stuff before “Prison Break” gets adapted. It’s essentially Sasha talking with Percy and Braddock one-on-one and learning more about them. It’s interesting to learn more about Percy and Braddock’s true passions, with Percy’s being travel and Braddock’s being gardening. The two also start up a relationship with each other, but it doesn’t seem to really go anywhere in the season, so maybe it’ll be explored more in the coming chapters.
And finally, we have Drake’s perspective. Not Anne’s perspective, because there’s not much to really talk about with that. I say that for a variety of reasons, one of those being that the story doesn’t really focus on Anne’s perspective too much. And once Drake arrives at Wartwood, it mostly focuses on how Drake interacts with Anne and the Plantars, mostly being from his perspective. And that’s probably for the better, considering that when we see Anne’s perspective in the “Best Fronds” adaptation chapter, the only real changes are Anne being like, “What would Drake do if he were here?” And this and the “Anne or Beast” chapter are the only ones focusing on Anne’s perspective before the fanfic shifts gears and focuses on everyone else.
Now, Drake’s perspective is pretty interesting. He gets transported to Amphibia, landing with Sasha first, who he doesn’t get to see for too long before getting trapped and ordering Drake to leave. For the short amount of time they spend together, there’s an interesting dynamic they have that gets expanded upon during “Reunion.” But for now, Drake’s roughing it out on his own and just wandering hi way through Amphibia.
Remember Marcy’s chapters where she went on the mission to get the final book where Marcy encountered the corpses of some cultists? Well, that’s tame compared to what Drake gets to. During action scenes within his chapters, Drake can get pretty violent, which does a good job at showing how different he is compared to the other characters. He also meets up with a snapdragon that he calls Nyx, with the two having a nice dynamic with each other. It’s pretty nice reading about how the two bond with each other, working together throughout the story arc.
This story is also interesting in how things can happen in conjunction with each other. Chapter 14 happens in conjunction with “Snow Day” at the end, while Chapter 18 details the Crop Convention Hop Pop went to in “Combat Camp.” These do a good job at showing the passage of time throughout the story, with the Crop Convention chapter being interesting to read because of how that adventure wasn’t really detailed during the show itself. That chapter also does a good job at establishing Drake’s dynamic with Hop Pop, which will probably be a major part of the next story arc considering Drake’s interrogation of Hop Pop in Chapter 24.
A lot of stuff also gets expanded upon in the “Reunion” chapter, especially in terms of Drake and Sasha’s dynamic with each other. Drake’s home life is revealed in more detail, in which he’s abused regularly by his stepfather who married Drake’s mother after his father died. It makes for a good emotional moment as he tells this to Sasha, who reaffirms their friendship with each other. This is all before the major change in this chapter from canon, which is that Sasha takes the brunt of the fall during the chapter, leaving Drake feeling guilty he did nothing. This guilt gets expanded upon in the following chapter, which also reaffirms his dynamic with the Plantars. And that dynamic’s going to be pretty important when I cover the next story arc.
But for now, let’s focus on this first story arc, which was written pretty well. I like how the story alternates perspectives, which keeps the amount of time characters have in the story balanced. The focus on Drake’s perspective as he tries to find civilization also keeps the story from just adapting canon episodes, but with a fourth character there. The story does end up doing that with “Best Fronds,” but it course-corrects afterwards. The characters, especially Drake, are pretty interesting, and I'm sure these characters will be explored more in the coming story arc. This story's written pretty well so far, and I'm hopeful the next story arc will keep that up.
Link to Fanfic: https://www.wattpad.com/story/314505538-another-friend-in-amphibia
Fanfics I’ll Review (in no order except Game Plan order):
Calamity Amory
Deep Sixed* (37)
Seven Years Too Early*
The One Who Never Left*
Theories of Butterflies and Other Insects*
Kuebiko*
A Newt and a Human*
Time Brings All To Pass
The Wartwood Girls*
Our Second Chance is Called Amphibia (Season 1)
Nom De Guerre*
Plantar Family Pet*
Game Over
Owl and the Frog×*
Living in a Frog World*
Frog Kids in a Human World*
A Lost Owl×*
Moth mAnne*
We're the Perfect Blend
Calamitous Intervention×*
Swapphibia*
The Plantar Sisters*
Water on my Window*
Another Friend in Amphibia* (35)
Amphibia Vol. 2 WC*
Dimension Defenders×* (36)
Amphibia-Bots×*
Pumped Up Pink*
From the Ground Up*
Worthy of Your Heart*
Return to Amphibia*
The Calamity Chosen*
An Alchemist Abroad*
A New Leif (WC)*
Sprig's Journal: The Forbidden Fruit*
Riot In Our Hearts*
Three Stars*
Calamity War (AO3 Version)
Marcy 10 Redux S2 (×)*
Valeriana's Stormy Invasion
The Lorax Almanac*
Lost Hum-Anne-ity*
Hiraeth*
Swords and Spirit*
Fate: Season 2*
Renegades: Assemble (×)*
All from Scratch*
Look What You've Done to the Script*
The Duality of Frog and Human*
Have any fanfics you want me to read? You can request them in the comments below and I’ll add them to the list! Be sure to mark unfinished fanfics with * so that I know they’re unfinished! Crossovers should also be marked with × to let me know it's a crossover. And if it’s a webcomic, you should mark it with WC. Also, don't be afraid of how big the list ends up getting. It's actually better if it gets bigger. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed the review!

I 26 F and my husband Liam 28 M have been together for 5 years. He's truly the kindest, most compassionate man I have ever met and always he always gives me butterflies.
About 2 years ago I met my now best friend Zoey 32 F at a work event for my husband and we've been inseparable since. She has autism just like me, so there's a wave length I communicate with her on that no one else has ever truly reached before.
I'm usually pretty good about deciding whether or not I'm sexually interested in someone regardless of gender and will always limit interactions if I feel like it's detrimental to my marriage. However Zoey was genuinely a platonic connection from the start until she moved 16 hours away to live with her active duty husband.
I caught myself smelling the shirt she left behind at my place and wearing it often, anxiously awaiting her calls or texts. Daydreaming about her rosy cheeks and the way she scrunches her nose when she laughs. My heart aches now that she's not a 5 minute drive away from me and I truly can't imagine a life without her in it.
On the same coin I feel the exact same way towards my husband, his crows feet when he smiles and the way he clenches his jaw when he's focused on something intensely.
I guess I just don't know how to proceed, Zoey's husband is polyamorous, but monogamous upon Zoey's request and Liam is very firmly monogamous. I truly have never considered anything other than monogamy until now. I just don't know what to do with these feelings. I'm really confused and need advice about how to move forward. How do I deal with being in love with two people at the same time?
Edit:
Just to clarify I'm only trying to make sense of my feelings and figure out if it's something I need to talk to my husband about. I DO NOT want to leave Liam or sleep with Zoey. I don't want to cheat or open our relationship I only mentioned Poly because I knew Zoey and her husband's history before they got married and of course it made me curious because it was never on my radar before then.
Secondly Zoey is bisexual and though she has a flirtatious personality, it is correct that I don't know how she feels about me and I don't care to find out. I strictly want to know if my confused emotions towards her should be shared with Liam because I've never hidden or lied to him about anything and am obviously harboring GUILT for feeling the way I feel. I can't possibly be the only human on earth that has experienced this as a married person can I?

In Triplicate #8 - The Beths - Future Me Hates Me / Jump Rope Gazers / Expert In A Dying Field (2018 - 2022)
While a large discography is not necessarily the indication of a great band or artist finding a musician who can release three watershed albums, either outputting high quality work or exploring similar themes and motifs within them is to me nothing short of an amazing feat. It’s an achievement that is worth taking a deep dive to dissect, contrast and compare different works during a time of seeming creative wellspring. “In Triplicate” will be a bi-weekly spotlight on what I feel are artist at their peak by releasing three killer albums in a row chronologically and making observations on the world of music, their creative mindset and how these albums interlink, or pull apart, from each other.
Listen
Future Me Hates Me – Bandcamp - Apple Music – Spotify
Jump Rope Gazers – Bandcamp - Apple Music – Spotify
Expert in a Dying Field – Bandcamp - Apple Music - Spotify
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Guest Review by u/MCK_OH
Sometimes a band is just really fucking good. We all love a band that has a stake in The Narrative, but sometimes a great band is more self-contained. They aren’t great because they tell us something about how the world works, they’re great because they make great songs. On an unrelated note, meet indieheads favorite The Beths. The New Zealand based four-piece formed in 2014 and has since released 3 studio records: 2018’s Future Me Hates Me, 2020’s Jump Rope Gazers and 2022’s Expert In a Dying Field. All three of these records rule. These records do not contain much experimentation. They do not contain a shocking amount of growth. They do not contain messages that will change the way you view the world. They do not contain songs that changed The Narrative. What they do contain is 32 perfect or near-perfect songs, countless brilliant hooks, clever turns of phrase, fun harmonies and cool riffs. And while these records probably don’t contribute to The Narrative they do have A Narrative. I promise I’m not making this up. Let’s view the three Beths records not as three records but instead as one triple LP concept record. Future Jump Rope Experts Hate Me. A power pop Tommy except without all the parts of Tommy that kind of suck. Sadly there’s no “Pinball Wizard” either but you can’t have everything.
Act I: Wondering If You Feel The Same
What does it mean that Future Me Hates Me is so beloved in this subreddit? When we redid our essentials last summer, this record was one of the 40 named to the 2010s essentials. It’s not seen that way, I think. Fellow online music nerds don’t even agree! I think it means that we are a broadly anxious bunch because this is an exceedingly anxious record. Or maybe it just means that Future Me Hates Me is a perfect batch of indie rock tunes for the indie rock subreddit. A bit of both maybe.
Future Me Hates Me is probably the tightest Beths record. It’s the shortest (by 14 seconds, but still) and maintains an up-tempo pace more than the other two. It’s a record whose entire tracklist probably could be singles. Or, as proven by a series of Fortnite YouTubers, a record whose entire tracklist could be background music for your Fortnite highlights video. I’m not kidding! Look it up, there’s a distinctly strange amount of these and they all rule. Opener “Great No One” reveals what the record will be about pretty quickly. Immediately catchy, harmony-laden indie rock. That’s it, that’s the bag of tricks. Sometimes it’ll be slow for a bit - “Less Than Thou,” “River Run” - but mostly, it’s this. And that’s good because this is fantastic. There is no type of music in the world I like more than hooky indie rock. And no one does it better. Every song has something truly special about it. “Great No One” has those layered “Yeah”s on the chorus, “Future Me Hates Me” has the little guitar thing over the riff in the intro and after the first chorus, “Uptown Girl” has the name of a much worse Billy Joel Song, “You Wouldn’t Like Me” gets quiet and then loud (genius maneuver), “Not Running” has its ridiculous forward momentum from the drums, “Little Death” has the brilliant final chorus, “Happy Unhappy” has the way frontwoman Liz Stokes sings the word particularly, “River Run” also gets quiet and then loud (still genius), “Whatever” has the super fun guitar solo and “Less Than Thou” has the entire like 45 seconds when the band comes back in on vocals. It’s a perfect indie pop album. Every song is brilliant. The only records that I think I can fairly compare it to are If You’re Feeling Sinister and Alvvays in terms of indie pop perfection. Just 10 brilliant songs.
Oh yeah, the narrative. This is the first act of 3 in the conceptual masterpiece Future Jump Rope Experts Hate Me. It’s a simple narrative. Our narrator falls in love despite her knowledge that it will probably end badly, it works for a bit and then it falls apart. Our narrator is anxious pretty much the entire time. Simple, but effective storytelling.
Future Me Hates Me is about the first part of that process. Our narrator tries, and ultimately fails to convince herself that she doesn’t have a crush. The evidence to the contrary is simply overwhelming. She may believe that love’s no good idea (at all!) but on “Happy Unhappy” her every moment is haunted by wondering if he feels the same. She can’t even remember to take out the bins! On “Little Death” her body begins to fail her, dying the titular little death every time he comes near. Even then though, she maintains that “I’ll never tell, you’ll never guess.” On “You Wouldn’t Like Me,” she even admits that it “feels so much like being in love,” all the while worrying that she’s too unlikeable for it to work out. But on “Future Me Hates Me,” she comes around: she wants to risk going through future heartbreak. Future her may hate her but there’s nothing she can really do about it. And in the best song on the record, “Not Running,” she confirms that she’s not running away. It’s almost a response to the previous song, “You Wouldn’t Like Me.” It’s finally a song of trust - tell the truth. I won’t run away.. It’s okay to tell the truth. She was wondering if he feels the same and it looks like he does. Enough dying little deaths, worrying about future me. It’s time to meet the Jump Rope Gazers.
Act II: I Wanna Give It My Best Try
There’s a tendency, I think, to say that Jump Rope Gazers is the weakest Beths record. It has the weakest reviews, it has the fewest shooters among us non-critics, it is broadly just not quite as beloved as the other two. A classic sophomore slump. But I think that Jump Rope Gazers is, at the very worst, only like a quarter-step behind the other two Beths records. It would be like calling Ichiro’s 2002 season a sophomore slump. Yes, it was a step down from his rookie year and he would go on to have even better seasons but the dude still hit .321, stole 30 bases and made the all-star team. And yes, Jump Rope Gazers is a slight decline from Future Me Hates Me but it still has “Just Shy of Sure” and “Jump Rope Gazers” on it, which is the indie rock equivalent of hitting at least .321.
What sets Jump Rope Gazers apart from Future Me Hates Me the most at first is that it’s slower. Future Me Hates Me takes until the 8th song to slow down even for a minute, while Jump Rope Gazers slows down by track 3. It will slow down again at track 5 and track 9. These songs tend to be slightly weaker, though the title track is an exception. But there are still absolutely bangers on here. Opener “I’m Not Getting Excited” has a slightly gnarlier guitar sound than anything on Future Me Hates Me. Side 2 opener “Out of Sight” moves forward with the same momentum and pace that drives the best of Future Me Hates Me. “Mars, The God of War” does a little quiet/loud thing which is always welcome. While I can attempt to sort these songs into piles (“the slow ones,” “the bangers” etc) I think at the end of the day this is just another batch of excellent Beths tunes. “Dying to Believe” is a brilliant pop song that pulls out pretty much every trick in the book. I’m sort of in awe of it. It has sick harmonies! A bass solo! It has a part where the guitars are gone and then they come back! It’s another song about nervously waiting for the world to crash down around you but it sounds like a ton of fun. It has a super fun music video, the best they’ve ever made. It’s a ridiculous pop song that pulls out every trick without feeling overstuffed. “Acrid” has this faraway backing vocal at 3:33 that always makes my day. “Don’t Go Away” is like half chorus, and it’s a good choice because the chorus rocks. It’s a trick they’ll use again, to even better use on “Knees Deep” later, on Expert In A Dying Field. And the slow songs do still work. The chorus of “Do You Want Me Now” is absolute gold. One of their best. While “You Are a Beam of Light” is probably the weakest song between all three records, it’s still fun. The final chorus with the full band harmony is excellent. The best of the album’s slower cuts is “Jump Rope Gazers.” “Jump Rope Gazers” was the first Beths song that I loved. It has what is still probably the best set of opening lines of the decade with “I’ve never been the dramatic type / But if I don’t see your face tonight / I, I guess I’ll be fine.” Incredible, every time. The guitars sound really nice. The chorus sounds really nice. The melody is really nice. This whole song is just really fucking nice. It might be the one song from this band that makes you go “I’d want to live in the feeling of this song forever.” It’s the song that got me to fall in love with The Beths, and for that it will always be one of my favorites. But it’s not quite as good as the closer “Just Shy of Sure,” the best song on the record. It’s a high bar, but I think this one might have the best chorus melody of the Beths career to date. It feels like it has the same forward momentum of an “Out of Sight” while still having the more laid-back warmth of a “Jump Rope Gazers.” One of their perfect songs. One of the best songs of the decade. At the end of the day, what Jump Rope Gazers sacrifices in terms of bangers I think it mostly makes up for with a slightly more varied palette that mostly works wonders. It’s still a batch of Beths songs, which is among the highest compliments I’m willing to give anything.
Folks, meet the Jump Rope Gazers. The Jump Rope Gazers of course, are our narrator and the object of her affection. It would seem that our narrator has finally won the day. She is in love, willing to admit it and it seems like he is too. Of course, this has not stopped the worrying. On “I’m Not Getting Excited” she keeps her grip on joy loose, bracing for the potential for everything to fall down around her. On “Dying to Believe,” she’s willing to hope that everything won’t fall down around her but she also spends the song apologizing. She struggles with communication, with trust in herself and in her partner. There are true, earnest moments of joy on Jump Rope Gazers. The title track is a love song with no reservations. She wonders how this could have happened, despite all the worrying from Future Me Hates Me. She offers that she’s willing to give it her best try. The rest of the record tugs back and forth in either direction. You don’t get a sense listening to it whether it will work out long-term or not. While there are songs like “Jump Rope Gazers,” there’s also songs like “Do You Want Me Now” or “Don’t Go Away.” “Do You Want Me Now” indicates that communication here is often difficult. And anytime you need to say “don’t go away” 24 times in one song, it seems like things might not be going perfectly. The penultimate “You Are a Beam of Light” details a stilted phone call with tears involved but our narrator is willing to “meet outside in five.” Maybe they can work through this. Let’s return to the closer “Just Shy of Sure” and its brilliant chorus. What are the actual words in it?
“Oh, my head is aching
But if I keep very still
I might be able
To make this work until
The end of the weekend
Weak, but I’ll pretend
That you still want me
I’m the one you adore
But I’m just shy of sure”
More worrying! Not great probably. Sounds like it’s maybe not the sturdiest relationship in the world. Still, I hope they can make this work. That they can get around the insecurities, the doubts, the communication. Pull it together. Give us a happy ending. What’s the first lyric of the next album, as a sneak peak of where the jump rope gazers are headed?
“Can we erase our history?”
Ah, shit.
Act III: Staring Into Nothing (Or, I Hate Past Me)
If we continue to operate under the assumption that The Beths are the Ichiro Suzuki of indie rock (and we should, to clarify) then I think Expert In A Dying Field might be their equivalent of his dazzling 2004 campaign. After all, just like Ichiro in ‘04 this has a staggering amount of hits. Even more than the already staggering amount of hits from their previous efforts! It helps that, unlike the 10 songs of their previous records this has 12 songs. They manage to more than keep up the quality. While this is their longest and lengthiest record, it’s hardly The White Album. Lead single “Silence Is Golden” is a bit louder than usual, “I Want To Listen” is a bit quieter and “2am” is a slow, sad closer but really this is another batch of Beths tunes. Which, again, hell yeah. Can never have enough Beths tunes going around. Let’s all hang out and watch The Beths do the indie rock equivalent of hitting .372 and breaking the single season hit record.
The opener and title track, “Expert In A Dying Field” is the best song The Beths have ever made. The lyrics are as sharp and clever as they’ve ever been, the hook is gold and the song just keeps building momentum, and building momentum, and building momentum. What starts off as an understated pop tune has turned anthemic in less than four minutes. The backing vocals are fantastic, the guitar sound is great. It’s a song that could make you dance or cry. It’s the perfect Beths song. That last minute is unstoppable. I’ve gotten goosebumps listening to it more times than I can count. “Knees Deep” rocks. It’s like 65% chorus which is fine because it’s one of the best choruses the band has ever put down. It makes sense to keep hammering the chorus button if you’ve landed on something this good. No problems here. Speaking of great choruses, this record is just chock full of ‘em. The chorus on “Best Left” wasn’t my favorite initially but I’ve really come around on it. It’s really fun to sing along to. Important quality. “Change In The Weather,” written by guitarist Jonathan Pearce proves that there’s somehow more than one band member capable of writing brilliant Beths tunes. “Head In The Clouds” and “A Passing Rain” are Beths songs. Which, hell yeah as per usual. At this point it’s almost unremarkable how this band just churns out great indie pop tunes. Unusually happy “When You Know You Know” is heavier on acoustic guitars, providing a minor change on The Beths formula. It works wonders. The heavier “Silence Is Golden” similarly tweaks the formula, providing the perfect musical backdrop for Liz Stokes’ agitated vocal performance. It’s the song that probably best captures the feeling of loud construction being done beside your home. “I Want To Listen” is also a bit of a tweak on The Beths formula. It’s a jaunty little pop tune that reminds me of similar moments in the Rilo Kiley catalog. It is unsurprisingly great. “I Told You That I Was Afraid” returns to both the anxiety and the continuous forward momentum of Future Me Hates Me and does so exceedingly well. It rocks. It’s also an exceedingly tight song, the band seems to be moving as one on this one. “Your Side” is probably my second favorite song on the record, a melancholy post-breakup tune. It’s another one with a practically perfect chorus. Oh and the guitar sound is great. Especially the guitar after Stokes sings the “oo-oo” part after the chorus. That’s what music should be right there. Closer “2am” is a classic Sad, Slower Closing Song. Y’know like “My Hometown” or “Dublin City Sky” or “Gospel” or “Butterfly.” I’m broadly suspicious of this specific type of song. Slowing it down means you lose something in energy and just generally rocking (rocking, always a good thing!) so you’ve gotta make up for it somehow. And “2am” does. This type of song works when the lyrics pick up the slack, when the slow and spareness of the song makes you focus on the lyrics, and when the emotion in the lyrics complements the pace and atmosphere of the song. When the song is sad enough that mustering energy for it seems like it’s beyond the point. “2am” is a song like that. And to be fair to “2am” it does build towards the end. After an album of playing chicken with finally saying goodbye, “2am” finally does it.
So we reach the end of the road for the jump rope gazers. We were with them through the anxious crush stage, the even more anxious early relationship stage and now it’s time to say goodbye. “Expert In A Dying Field” laments all the time and knowledge now gone to waste. While on Jump Rope Gazer’s “You Are a Beam of Light” the late night phone call was stilted and sad at least there was a late night phone call, but on “Head In The Clouds” our narrator has no one to listen to her at night. The nervous self-doubt that’s shown up again and again re-appears at the worst times on songs like “A Passing Rain” and “I Told You That I Was Afraid.” Our narrator remains torn; on “Your Side” she wants nothing more than a dramatic, tearful apology, a romantic gesture, a chance that maybe they can get back together. Maybe it’s not over, or at least not over forever. But on “Best Left” she indicates that some things are best left to rot. Some things need to be put behind, and forgotten. One of the constants in these three records is that sense of uncertainty. On Future Me Hates Me, our narrator indicates that she’ll never reveal her emotions on one song while indicating she has to on another. On Jump Rope Gazers she’ll declare her love on one song, hoping it’s going to work out while indicating that she has no serious belief that it will in others. Finally, on Expert In A Dying Field she’s unsure if the best way forward is to keep looking back or to try to move forward. One way or another the story of the jump rope gazers is over though. On “2am” we finally hear how it all fell apart. We hear about the good times, but we also hear about the communication breakdown. We hear our narrator reminiscing about when it finally fell apart:
“There was news I was nervous to tell you
Through the filter softening the words we said
Were you mad? Tell the truth, I can take it
I could hear the engine as you drove away
Through the blinds, saw the glow of the light fade”
And that’s where we leave it. She asks one more time if he still feels it, but it seems there’s no response. This is it. To some degree, she was right; she probably does hate past her.
Outro: The End of the Weekend
The Beths, great band. If you’ve somehow read this far without having heard them go listen to them. I’d listen to them in chronological order but really you can’t go wrong. I admit I had to stretch the concept a bit, leave some stuff out of the narrative and all that. But I think that puts it more and not less in line with most concept records. In truth, I think these three records do work as a loose narrative if you want to view them that way, which I sometimes do. If you don’t then you can choose to view them as three of the best indie pop records of the past decade. That works too. Either way it’s a run for the ages.
As a music nerd I am naturally list-obsessed (sometimes I worry I’m getting too close to the High Fidelity guys) so here’s a bunch of Beths lists I assembled while I was writing this.
List 1: The Perfect Beths Songs
1. “Not Running”
2. “Little Death”
3. “Less Than Thou”
4. “Jump Rope Gazers”
5. “Out of Sight”
6. “Just Shy of Sure”
7. “Expert In A Dying Field”
8. “Knees Deep”
9. “Your Side”
10. “I Told You That I Was Afraid”
11. “Idea/Intent”
List 2: The Near Perfect Beths Songs
1. All the rest
List 3: The Abridged Tracklist to Future Jump Rope Experts Hate Me. Or, the songs that I think tell the narrative I’m trying to sell the best.
1. “Little Death”
2. “Future Me Hates Me”
3. “You Wouldn’t Like Me”
4. “Not Running”
5. “I’m Not Getting Excited”
6. “Dying to Believe”
7. “Jump Rope Gazers”
8. “Just Shy of Sure”
9. “Expert In A Dying Field”
10. “Your Side”
11. “Best Left”
12. “2am”
List 4: The Top 10 Beths Music Videos
1. “Dying to Believe”
2. “Knees Deep”
3. “Expert In A Dying Field”
4. “Future Me Hates Me”
5. “Your Side”
6. “Jump Rope Gazers”
7. “Uptown Girl”
8. “I’m Not Getting Excited”
9. “Little Death”
10. “Happy Unhappy”
List 5: 10 Actors Who Could Have Been That Actor In That One Particular Film
1. Jackie Chan
2. Jeremy Renner
3. Rebecca Ferguson
4. Dominic Monaghan
5. Owen Wilson
6. Charlize Theron
7. Matt Damon
8. Julia Roberts
9. Paul Giamatti
10. Viola Davis
-----
(Tentative) Schedule
May 27 - U2 - War / The Unforgettable Fire / The Joshua Tree
June 10 - R.E.M. Part 1 - Murmur / Reckoning / Fables of Reconstruction (Guest Entry u/p-u-n-k_girl)
June 24 - R.E.M. Part 2 - Out of Time / Automatic for the People / Monster
July 8 - Vampire Weekend - Vampire Weekend / Contra / Modern Vampires of the City
-----
Archive

​

Firstly: Thanks for this sub. I always found the sub suspicious. It feels like creating narcissism in people, a world we are heading too like that black mirror episode. Especially that one account who is posting twice a week with all butterfly emotions in their post. It looks like e-mails from copywriters who wanna sell some useless garbage from a third world country.
But I think that manifestation is real, and that subs like this are made up, falsely, to make 1/2 people believe it is fake and the other 1/2 people manifest things in the wrong way.
You have things like semen retention, cold showers, being sober-minded, lucid dreams, work hard/sleep well, pray etc.. I have a feeling that this is a way of hiding the real deal for us. Part of the agenda. How is your opinion about that?
Ps: I want to thank everyone in this sub who is very optimistic and critical at the same time. You are the hope the next generation needs.

1. Epic Fantasy
2. Crown Prince: Book One of New Blood
3. New Blood Saga: Book 1
4. W.D. Kilpack III
5. Full Cover
6. 2021 International Firebird Book Award Winner • 2022 The BookFest Award Winner • 2023 Finalist, Best Mentor Character, Indie Ink Awards • 2024 International Impact Book Award Winner • 2020 Runner-Up Sci-Fi/Fantasy Book of the Year, OnlineBookClub.org • Quarter Finalist Screencraft Cinematic Book Competition
7. www.Kilpack.net
8. Available in Paperback/eBook/KU/NOOK/Kobo/Smashwords
9. "The future of all men relies on the Guardian of Maarihk. Will his Sight be true? Or will his impure Firstblood prove the ruin of us all?"
10. Natharr is Guardian of Maarihk, one of a long line of protectors dating back to the Firstborn Age, before the Aa Conquest. Natharr's is an ancient role, rooted in his Firstblood, giving him Sight to see what is yet to be. He adheres to his sacred duties even in the centuries since the Firstborn were forced to the brink of extinction by the Aa. Natharr still stands guard over all men, Aa or Firstborn, Seeing what will come to pass, deciding what is unavoidable and what is not. He spends decades planning how to save the life of the newborn Crown Prince Vikari so he may one day reclaim the throne of the land where Mankind was created, back in the time when the Olde Gods still walked.
11. • "I've been won over by Crown Prince! The world is deeply conceived. The prose is well crafted. The solemn, almost-inhuman Guardian/seer standing guard during a deadly siege as the young queen gives birth makes for a hell of a great start! That weightiness to his character was a key point of interest to me that comes across right from the opening pages, plunging right into the thick of it for a wonderful change of pace. Crown Prince is intriguing, grand, strange, and shadowed by ill-omens. It is Shakespearean." — Tom Mock, author of The Long Nights • "A very good book ... [and] a very great read! Natharr is very much tested as he strives to save the life of newborn Crown Prince Vikari. This book reads wonderfully, and I am grateful to have had the opportunity to get to know the story. It is full of pulse-pounding adventure and also features great, extensive world-building! Definitely a recommend from me!” — Philip Chase, Ph.D., medievalist and author of The Way of Edan • 5/5 Stars — "Author W.D. Kilpack III presents an atmospheric and immersive journey into a richly crafted fantasy world, balancing a strong character-led adventure with a wider web of plots, setting up a highly complex and enjoyable fantasy saga to follow. There’s a clear flair for character, dialogue, and attitude from the start, with Natharr's intense presence affecting all who encounter him and making for some really dynamic clashes. The weightiness of his responsibilities and the depth of the world-building immediately gripped my attention and, as the story unfolded, the way the characters’ attitudes and actions were shaped by the realism of the worldbuilding was totally compelling. This book delivers on every promise of pulse-pounding adventure — thanks to the swift pacing of the plot, coupled with dark storytelling, strong descriptive skills, and captivating character development that balances emotion with duty well. Overall, I would certainly recommend Crown Prince as an incredible opener to an exciting new fantasy series, and I’m all the more eager to continue exploring this fantastical realm." — K.C. Finn, USA Today best-selling author of The Book of Shade for Reader's Favorite • 5/5 Stars — "The literary creator in his act of creationism. Such is W. D. Kilpack III in his intriguing invention of Crown Prince: Book One of New Blood. Intermingling real world matters of both realm and state, and legendary phenomena of ancient times, Kilpack builds a mythical epic of worlds within worlds, all suspended in time and universal fantastical realism. He has crafted an imaginative tale perfect for lovers of mysticism, magic, ancient battles, romance, and supernatural fantasy. Natharr, the Guardian of Maarihk, is one of the Firstbborn [with] abilities like the gift of prophetic Sight, and he [is] charged with protecting and preparing the newly born prince of the realm, Vikari, until he is ready to take his rightful place as heir to his father’s throne. Set in a richly imagined and described enigmatic world, the story explores themes of family, love, friendship, destiny, time, and power. Adventure and action keep the reader quickly turning the pages ... deliver[ing] a strong narrative of structure, character development, and world building, which smoothly paves the way for the next book in the series, Order Of Light, which I cannot wait to read. Crown Prince is a masterful example of original storytelling, a phenomenal literary creation!" — K.L. Davidson, author of Ten Thousand Fields (British Columbia, Canada) • 4/4 Stars — "Crown Prince stands out with amazing descriptions, complex characters, and intriguing supernatural elements. Book one in the New Blood [Saga], the storyline is incredibly promising. The author has a flair for setting the scene and creating memorable characters. I absolutely loved the descriptive prowess of this author, the thing I enjoyed most about the book ... W. D. Kilpack III genuinely takes the time to help us immerse in the fantasy world, no matter if he describes a battle scene, a peaceful moment, or a mythological creature like a Hamadryad or a Manticore, he always manages to conjure the best images in our minds. The author does a great job of incorporating the supernatural elements in a general atmosphere of myth and legend ... there was nothing I disliked about this novel. I am rating Crown Prince 4 out of 4 stars ... fans of sword-and-sorcery fantasy will definitely find this novel a delightful read ... the series has the potential to acquire epic dimensions ... I am looking forward to reading the sequel, Order of Light." — OnlineBookClub.org • 5/5 Stars — "I absolutely love Crown Prince! It is a very dark epic-fantasy story following a very intimate cast of characters. The way things unfold, you’re thrown into the thick of the action right from the beginning that sinks you in right. The way events unfold to the way characters come together, you cannot help but keep flipping the pages. By the end, I was so invested, I felt so intimate with these characters, that I had to find out what happens next, so I immediately ordered book two, Order of Light! It’s such a good story! It’s such a dark-but-good story, with very good character work, you get really close with these characters, and you can’t help but want to know what happens next!" — Usman, host of Bards and Books YouTube channel (British Columbia, Canada) • 5/5 Stars — With the maps and appendix, "the characters' names, titles, and the names of fascinating places all conjured up by the mind of W. D. Kilpack III [helped] me better understand the intricate facets of this novel. Creating worlds and characters is not a easy, but the author did an excellent job. Crown Prince has everything you want: intertwining sword scenes, the battles of a war, kings, queens, knights, magic, fairies, love, sex, great beasts, and unthinkable dangers thatNatharr has to endure. Kilpack puts you in the middle as Vikari starts to grow and learn. So does Natharr for he begins to love the child as his own. Kilpack's ability to crystally describe a scene [was] like I was taking part in a meal or a sword fight. Crown Prince flowed smoothly and any fan of fantasy will rejoice [and] if you have never read a fantasy novel (like me), this one will get you hooked into the genre." — Jose F. Nodar, author of Books, Pens & Larceny (South Wales, Australia) • 5/5 Stars — "Crown Prince is one of the most brilliant fantasy novels that I have ever had the pleasure of reading and a book I am now obsessed with! Crown Prince is an incredible, thrilling and memorable story that will take its readers on a journey like no other. Crown Prince captivated me from the first page thanks to the book's sharp literature and strong opening ... [the author] is not only a phenomenal writer for his flawless ability to capture his reader's attention, but he is also a great writer for his descriptive powers and characterization of characters which will hook his readers! Crown Prince is a sensational, thrilling and addictive story that will thrill you as well as entertain you." — RedHeadedBookLover.com • 5/5 Butterflies — "Crown Prince was such a delight to read! Normally, we don't see the child growing up ... or really get a chance to get attached to whoever raised him. This author took that trope, shook it up and turned it into something amazing! We get to see the heir as a baby, to see him grow up [and] develop that close bond a son has with his father. It's a really beautiful thing ... normally glazed over in this type of story ... but you get to see how strong their bond is. I'm so grateful! Something else I really enjoyed is how well Darshelle and Natharr played off each other. Often, they have deep conversations that involve a culture clash, where they may not agree with each other's perspective, but they are willing to try to understand. I [also] loved this author's world building, especially the magic forest and all the interesting creatures that live in it! The village of the cat-people was such a fun scene and so interesting showing the cat-people society and how it was different. It was really fun! If you don't grab yourself a copy of Crown Prince, you're doing yourself a huge disservice! It's a wonderful story and such a fun read!" — Madam Crystal Butterfly • 5/5 Stars — "Kilpack delivers a stunning blow to the belief that Indie-Fantasy is worth any less that its salt. Crown Prince is a well-crafted epic with unique plot mechanisms, well-developed and believable characters, and a world grounded in the visceral and the real. I could not recommend this series any higher!" — Clay Vermulm, co-host of Sinister Soup Podcast • 5/5 Stars — "A fantastic world of swords and magic! A very strong start to the series! W.D. Kilpack III does know how to draw a reader into a world of swords and magic. I found myself unable to put the book down, diving deeper into the fantastic world. I can say, that I am a fan of his work and will soon be reading Order of Light, the second book from the New Blood [Saga]." — BooksShelf.com • 5/5 Stars — Crown Prince is "a great mix of fantasy and action and adventure! It kept me on my toes the whole time and I was completely hooked! The world building in this book is amazing. I could read 20 books in this world. The fight scenes and characters are amazing. They pull you in so deeply ... that I didn't want to stop reading way past when I should have!" — Jay.Rae.Reads • 5/5 Stars — Crown Prince illustrates "the burden of knowledge and the responsibilities involved in being able to see the future. Natharr is a great hero: think Aragorn/Alanon/Teddy Roosevelt. He bears the burden of being Guardian of Maarihk with dignity but, at the same time, is human and has flaws, like having a bit of a temper. Darshelle is conflicted and a walking contradiction, being proud and strong, while still insecure and flawed. I love the world, where magic is more subtle, while there is another element that reminded me of Greek mythology, because the gods are real and took direct action in history. There is some violence, which seems to fit well within the framework of this world where epic fantasy and realism are intertwined." — Critic, Salt Lake City, UT • 5/5 Stars — Crown Prince is "a fantastic tale filled with all things beautiful, dark, and magical! Filled with adventure and drama! The author's world is absolutely stunning, and I can't wait to read the next installment in the story!" — Cherumanalil (Bangalore, India) • 4/4 Stars — Crown Prince is "an adventure full of thrilling moments [that] hook you right from page one. Each page has a new secret to unfold. This book made a mark on my mind and now I cam curious to read the other books in the series. I loved reading it and have rated it four stars. Books like these deserve the hype!" — Read With Emilee • 5/5 Stars — "From the start you are drawn into a world of fantasy. With each page, you want more. The author gives the feel you are the character fighting for your life and those you defend. A great read, with the power to keep you from putting it down. I highly recommend this book to anyone interested in something new, with a twist and feel of a classic fantasy!" — Tom Carr, author of Talking to Yourself in the Dark • 4/4 Stars — Crown Prince is "an absolutely brilliant fantasy read ... [Kilpack created] a master introduction. The plot building was incredible. The journey sucks you in so much that you immediately want to carry on with the series. I'll definitely complete this series." — Twilight Reader (Wales) • 4/4 Stars — "If you're looking for something new with a a twist of classic fantasy, this is for you. It amazes me that someone can create an entire world from scratch with everything that this involes. Character building is wonderful and the descriptions of what happens are good. It is very detailed, so you get immersed in the story. Lots of things happen in this book. [Crown Prince] is a good and strong start for a new series!" — June.Reads (London, England) • 4/4 Stars — Crown Prince is "a lovely fantasy. Great read! Great characters! Writing style amazing! I loved this world. A new author I discovered and hope to read more from this author in the future!" — Rhianny DD Morris (South Wales, Australia) • 4.7/5 Stars — Crown Prince "transported me into a world where life-and-death situations were commonplace and everyone had a cause to fight for! The distinction between the Firstborn and the Aa was fascinating [and] really got me hooked! The characters are fantastic, descriptions of battles draw in you and there's a shock in every chapter! I love fantasy books and I'll add this to my pile of highly recommended sagas!" — Books with Gina (England) • 4.5/5 Stars — Crown Prince is like "watching a movie. The author has narrated ... in a very fluent and visual way. It is an adventurous and twisted novel that will always keep the reader wanting more. Every page is a new unfolding and a new mystery. The plot is exquisite and emphasizes important values like willpower, determination, and truth. A captivating read [especially] those in search of something abnormally smart!" — Reads.Nancy • 4.5/5 Stars — "Crown Prince is one of the most fantastic fantasy books that I have read so far! The book is a blend of thrills, mystery, fun, excitement, and drama! It has got everything that a good book should have. The plot is unpredictable and twisted. So much is happening all at once, but the smooth narration takes care of it all." — Just Pratibha (India) • 4/5 Stars — "A fantastic read! What a grand story in Crown Prince. I am very impressed with the writing and storytelling. Kilpack does a great job of building a world filled with princes, pasts that dictate the future. Kilpack details the scenes, filled with action, and brings the creatures to life! Crown Prince is filled with swords and sorcery, magic, myths and legends, that really bring it as believable. This author is a great storyteller. The story brings the reader on a superb journey. Who could ask for more when it's filled with magical/fantastical creatures and other interesting beings?" — Amy's Bookshelf • "Once I got into [Crown Prince], I struggled to put it down! The world Kilpack has created is so detailed and imaginative you can't help but be drawn in. This book is a fantasy that give you war, knights, romance and hidden dangers. It covers it all! As the first in the series, it sets the scene brilliantly ... I would recommend this book to anyone who likes fantasy books and fairytales!" — Kat Books Teas Cakes (UK) • "I had the pleasure of reading Crown Prince and Kilpack — he makes maps, folks! — emphasizes detail. The characters are living real lives, even though it's a fantasy. It was well done! He built his world with great care and precision." — Ken Weene, Ph.D., co-host of the Let's Talk It Over videocast
12. Warnings: Violence, Sexual Content, Mature Themes; suitable for older teens and adults.
13. Amazon NOOK Kobo Smashwords

This is the weekly recap of the 102 monetized posts from Kylea and Joseph "Joe" Gomez of Kylea G Weight loss Journey from 05/05/24-05/11/24.
They have made 609+ monetized posts in 5 weeks.
Disclaimers: I am not a physician, influencer, or paid content creator. I am not affiliated with WW. I am semi-retired from the healthcare field with multiple college degrees. These opinions are my own based on social media content. I wish no harm to Kylea or Joe Gomez.
☎️ If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, please call or text 988 for assistance.
📢 To the perfectionists, Kylea has a habit of heavily editing posts 3+ times and archiving/hiding and deleting posts. I do not have a burner account for Facebook and have not viewed every comment made. She does not post receipts and is secretive about her purchases.
The tagline of Kylea G Weight loss Journey is, "I changed my life with prayer and a playlist of songs. No surgery, no meds. Just Jesus."
Of the 102 monetized posts last week on the topic of faith:
0/102 discussed which version of the Bible she prefers
0/102 revealed her church home, a service she attended online/in person, or how she worships when traveling
0/102 discussed a personal/group Bible study she completes/attends
0/102 were a favorite scripture or Bible verse
Of the 102 monetized posts last week on the topic of music:
2/102 referenced music Kylea prefers= an unnamed Taylor Swift song as a clapback to a comment about pizza crust and a drinking buddy anthem duet with Morgan Wallen + Post Malone
Of the 102 monetized posts last week on the topic of health:
0/102 were about intentional exercise
0/102 shared a food, water, or exercise log
0/102 discussed meditation, deep breathing, attending grief group, or therapy for her mental health. (There were references to a mental health care provider that gave her a letter recommending an emotional support animal.)
0/102 shared reputable medical sources for nutrition or weight loss content. (She mentions WW points but does not list a website or how to access their app.)
0/102 shared a recommendation for another weight loss influencer to follow
1/102 shared a source for her recipe (Joe's deceased mother)
13/102 shared a recipe. Shared recipes below.

1. Frozen Pancake Breakfast Sandwiches;
2. Banana Puddin' Protein Overnight Oats,
3. Smothered Crockpot Pork Chops;
4. Trader Joe's Protein Pancakes;
5. Snapple Zero Sugar Peach Tea & Splenda Brown Sugar Marinated Chicken;
6. Dirty Dr. Pepper Protein Ice Cream,
7. Joseph's Lavash Bread Pizza;
8. Lemon Blueberry "Muffin" Cupcakes;
9. Blueberry Sugar-free Oatmeal Waffles;
10. KFC Inspired Bowl;
11. Sara Lee 45 cal French Toast;
12. G Hughes Smoky Mesquite Raspberry Jam Chicken;
13. Lemon Blueberry Greek Baked Yogurt;

⚠️ Disordered Eating- Daily WW Points Consumed (based on monetized content):
Sun 05/05: 10 WW points; Mon 05/06: 11 WW points; Tue 05/07: 7 WW points; Wed 05/08: 7-9 WW points; Thu 05/09: 10-11 WW points; Fri 05/10: 1 WW point; Sat 05/11: 8 WW points;
📢 To our friends at Meta, Kylea can consume up to 30 WW points per day, roll over 4 unused daily points, and consume 28 weekly points. She is clearly underutilizing her daily points and used zero weekly points. This is dangerous and potentially deadly messaging for those on a weight loss journey. 🚨
So what was Kylea's "weight loss content" about? Let's dive into her purchases to find out.
Her subtotal from 05/05/24-05/11/24= $2489.80 est + all applicable taxes, tips, and fees
Her 5-week subtotal from 04/07/24-05/11/24 was $17,133.54 est + all applicable taxes, tips, and fees
🚨 Per Missouri public court records, Kylea Gomez has not satisfied her current medical judgment and is only able to pay $25 per month.
This next section is long due to the volume of purchases. You've been warned...
Weekly Takeout Purchases= $71.73 est + tips;
Sunday 05/05/24 Mexican Takeout Salad with chips/salsa= $15 est + tip (no proof she went with friends);
Monday 05/06/24 Iced/Blended coffee: $8 est + tip (no proof she went with a friend);
Tuesday 05/07/24 Carafe of coffee at unknown restaurant= $5 est + tip (no food shown or proof sister was present); Blended Coffee= $8 est + tip;
Wednesday 05/08/24 Htea0 Happy Hour Drink for 2 + fruit upcharge for 1= $3.25 est;
Thursday 05/09/24 Pineapple Bliss for 2= $6.98 est + tip;
Friday 05/10/24 Blended coffee= $8 est + tip; Wendy's Large Sprite Zero= $2.50 est,
Saturday 05/11/24 Unknown breakfast for Joe= $15 est + tip;
🚨 These additional shopping/travel expenses do NOT reflect her rent, utilities, phone, 2 car payments, etc.
Additional shopping/travel expenses= $2418.07 + all applicable taxes, tips, and fees
⚠️ CBD aka Shopping Addiction: Most of the purchases were for a future puppy.
Monday 05/06/24 Breeder fee for female Cavapoo puppy= $1000 est + fees (breeder unknown); Outward Hound Multi-color Squeaker Ballz Fetch Toy 4-pack= $4.99 est; Outward Hound Blue Whale Big Mouthz Interactive Plush Toy with Treat Ball= $9.99 est, Outward Hound Chicken Roperz Plush Squeak Dog Toy= $11.81 est; Silicone Collapsible Food & Water Bowl= $8.99 est; Plush Oyster Shell with Pearl Dog Toy= $6.99 est; Peppa Pig Squeak & Crinkle Plush Dog Toy= $19.99 est; Pally Paws Butterfly Squeaker & Crinkle Dog Toy= $14.99 est; Woven Dog Bone-shaped mat= $9.99 est; Woven beach bag with pawprints= $19.99 est; Grey fleece blanket= $19.99 est;
Tuesday 05/07/24 *Possible Target Women's Cowgirl Boot Grid Graphic T-shirt= $12.99; Chaco ZX/2 Women's Cloud Sandal in Candy Sorbet= $105 est; Vibrant Life Playful Buddy Emoticon XS 5 count Dog toys= $5.12; Nylabone Puppy Starter Pack-up to 25lbs= $7.57; Nylabone Power Chew Textured Dental Chew Toy Chicken Medium/Wolf-up to 35lbs= $4.97; Vibrant Life Tug Buddy Rope Multi-color= $1.98; Custom Dog Tag for Birdie= $5.99 est; Two Jessica Simpson Pet Dresses= $30 est; Personalized baby blanket for Birdie (Amazon)= $19.99 est;
Wednesday 05/08/24 Roundtrip Gas Joplin, MO to Tulsa, OK= (224mi/33mpg) x $3.85 est = $26.13 est; Costco Skinny Dipped PB Cups= $25.94 est; Costco Deebee's Freezie Pops= $22.75 est; Trader Joe's Frozen Roasted Corn x 8 bags= $40 est; Additional Costco & Trader Joe's purchases= unknown; *Pawdre T-shirt for Joe= $10.99 est; Dog Treat container= $25 est; Patchwork Pet Snuggler White Claw themed plush dog toys= $9.99 est; Smoochy Pet Pals Cheeseburger & French Fry themed plush dog toys= $15 est; Armor All Hammock Style Back Seat Cover= $10 est; Black Dog Bone Mat= $5.99 est; 3 Dog bath towels= $14 est;
Thursday 05/09/24 Alani Nu 12oz Energy Drink Pink Slush for 2= $4.96 est;
Friday 05/10/24 Approx. 72 cupcakes= $41.91 est (Walmart online price used); Mani/Pedi= $75 est + tip;
Saturday 05/11/24 Coleman SaluSpa Air Jet Inflatable Hot Tub in Grey= $609.00 (Amazon price); iCrate 2-door folding black crate= $36.79 est; Kong Blue Puppy Binkie Pacifier Dog Toy= $8.99 est; Kong Pink Puppy Natural Teething Rubber Toy= $7.49 est; Lamb Chop Puppy Plush Regular 10"= $15.90 est; Remy+Roo Small Spring Dog Bandana 4-pack Kathrine Set= $23.95 est; Hubulk Pink Pet Dog Bowl Set with food scoop and Non-Skid Silicone Mat= $9.99 est; MidWest Homes for Pets Deluxe Dog Bed in Grey= $16.99 est; Beirui Cute Little Girl Dog Collar, Harness, and Leash Set= $27.99 est; 3 pack of Blankets Super Soft Fluffy Premium Fleece= $11.99
🤔 Final Thoughts 🤔
Kylea showed her narcissistic greed posting triggering content all week without disclaimers or warnings in clear violation of Meta policy on explicit content and tragedy & conflict. If that is not enough to demonetize and deplatform her, her obvious signs of disordered eating should. Her messaging is dangerous, potentially deadly, and I, for one, ask our friends at Meta to review her content and take action.
All info from Reddit. ✌️

Last week's post https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cl1pkm/roundup_ufos_and_bob_universal_object_tracke
Archive https://web.archive.org/web/20240505212215/https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cl1pkm/roundup_ufos_and_bob_universal_object_tracke
Moon phase waning crescent, three days before new
Mars Right Ascension 0h 17m 54s
.1 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cl2c9f/1st_postlondon_sighting_today/ sighting description, contemporaneous report, daytime, from airplane, over London England the UK 🇬🇧, single dark object, dark grey, metallic/glass material looking and probably a stereotypical “spinning top” shape., moving fast, interaction with airplane, flew under it,
.2 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cl52m9/the_dr_gary_nolan_post_earlier_has_me_thinking/ childhood experience description, no craft, at home, nighttime, light shining in bedroom, repeat visitor, flashing light coming from under my bed., physical effects paralysis, emotion of fear, has anyone seen?
.3 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cl5zaa/strange_metallic_color_object/ video, daytime sky, single object blackwhite, elongated, horizontal orientation, possible disk shape, Hanford California, near Lemoore navy base., horizontal trajectory, low over treeline, contemporaneous report
.4 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1clidos/uap_off_the_coast_of_virginia_beach_sept_14_2021/ photos, daytime cloudy sky, over water Atlantic Ocean, off Virginia Beach Virginia, single dark object, angular, not seen by eye, greenish glow, possible military response jet, OP comments downvoted, [GOODPOST], heptagon
.5 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1clogf2/observation_during_flight_unidentified_object/ video, daytime cloudy sky, from airplane, single dark object moving, elongated, diffuse trail, horizontal orientation, Palma Mallorca Balearic Islands Spain 🇪🇸 , observed exiting cloud, horizontal trajectory, contrails type, downvoted to zero in 1 hour, OP comments downvoted
.6 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cleqly/triangle_or_tr3b_sighting_in_colorado_about_20/ sighting description and drawing, nighttime sky, at home, urban area, Boulder Colorado, triangle 🔺️ observed, threelights with central red 🔴 light, lighting configuration change, butterfly 🦋, ⚪️🔴⚪️, physical effects paralysis, transfixed, trajectory change observed, the craft was ascending into the sky, but it would also dip back down and hold steady for a bit before heading up again., contemporaneous report,
.7 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cl77ee/personal_possible_sighting_2018/ video, nighttime sky, single light object moving erratically, zigzag movements, brightness change, flareup and dimming, over water, Belgrade Lakes Maine, duration 30 minutes, vanishing, possible cubensphere,
.8 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1clsdmw/all_the_relevant_uap_updates_from_april_29_may_5/ information, state of disclosure USA https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cl29t3/mexico_and_peruvian_ufo_disclosure_roundup/ state of disclosure, Mexico and Peru
.9 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1claaol/ufos_appearing_in_different_photos_on_different/ photos, daytime cloudy sky, two events, single object blackwhite, metallic sphere observed, twolights, Pima Air Museum and at my house, at home, backyard, observed vanishing,
.10 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1clg5nq/100_genuine_ufo_need_help/ video, daytime cloudy sky, from airplane, near Newark New Jersey, fleet, multiple objects, flashing erratically, not seen by eye
.11 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1clrp5a/ai_recreation_of_2010_las_vegas_summer_sighting/ sighting description and drawing, downvoted to zero in 1 hour, OP comments downvoted, two witnesses, twolights, nighttime, urban area, Las Vegas Nevada, single light object moving fast, possible reaction to being observed, trajectory change, approach, jumpy movement, wavy trajectory, haze, While it was descending it appeared to be teleporting or waving in an up and down motion while emitting a purple and green mist until it came to a stop. 🟣🟢, moving and stationary and moving, sudden departure upward, the white lights extended to the edges and the perimeter of the craft appeared to have “metal” plates evenly spaced around. The whole craft was a dark metallic purple., texture visible
.12 https://old.reddit.com/aliens/comments/1cl9ryu/yall_ever_seen_a_tr3b/ discussion of sightings, threelights, triangle 🔺️
.13 https://old.reddit.com/aliens/comments/1cl9xt0/i_just_saw_a_ufo/ sighting description, contemporaneous report, nighttime, at home, outside window, single light object, approach, The light seemed to be strobing instead of flashing, and would never fully go dark., trajectory change, wavy trajectory, almost swerving through the air., U-turn, moving fast, rural Wisconsin, has anyone seen?
.14 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cluf14/did_i_actually_see_a_ufo/ sighting description, Yosemite California, nighttime cloudy sky, near water, hottub, single light object, speed change, suddenly start to accelerate in one direction(close to the direction it was moving slowly), then it made a big U-turn in the sky, like it drew a check mark ✔️ in the sky., trajectory change, two witnesses, similar sightings in comments
.15 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1clwlpe/uap_july_22_2023_south_dakota/ photos, daytime sky, single object blackwhite, angular, heptagon, south Dakota , two witnesses, at home, backyard, flew over the witness home, horizontal trajectory,
.16 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1clxdne/lights_in_the_sky/ video, nighttime sky, from car, single object multiple lights, threelights, close formation, low over treeline, observed moving slowly
.17 https://old.reddit.com/ufo/comments/1clx2z3/i_saw_a_ufo/ sighting description and drawing, Crescent 🌙 shaped with a pointed tip , geometric scaly rigid body , cloud like cloak, manta shape, texture observed, flew overhead, two witnesses, irregular shape, angular, gave a feeling of being old or out of time., felt compelled to follow it, refused cause I didn’t want to know what was inside the big thing.,silent, west Texas , similar sightings in comments, [GOODPOST]
.18 https://old.reddit.com/Skydentify/comments/1clv208/seen_some_trance_lights_i_cant_explain/ video, nighttime sky, twolights, angled from the horizon, stationary, powerlines, low over rooftop, western Kentucky, some moved kinda erratically and some moved straight https://old.reddit.com/Skydentify/comments/1cmeavl/better_view_of_the_lights_i_cant_explain/ more video
.19 https://old.reddit.com/ufo/comments/1clbq63/ufo_sonoma_county/ sighting description, contemporaneous report, Sonoma County California, single light object, low over treeline, reaction to being observed, descending below treeline, As I was thinking to myself why is that light so bright, it got dimmer and seemed to drop down below the tree., repeat visitor or second object, flareup, ascending, trajectory change, U-turn, descending,
.20 https://old.reddit.com/UF0/comments/1clauxl/bright_color_changing_expanding_uap_above_my_yard/ video, nighttime sky, single light object, multicolored, flareup or size change, at home, possible smaller object accompanying it or emitting orb, blue 🔵, repeat visitor, similar sighting in comments
.21 https://old.reddit.com/Skydentify/comments/1clalrd/strange_lights_in_sky_is_this_normal/ video, nighttime sky, single light object, descending below rooftop, at home, urban area
.22 https://old.reddit.com/CLOUDS/comments/1cl9obd/volcano_above_the_clouds/ photo, daytime cloudy sky, cloud anomaly, tower, from airplane, southern USA, near water gulf of Mexico,
.23 https://old.reddit.com/atoptics/comments/1cl9kg0/what_is_this_over_vietnam/ photo, daytime cloudy sky, rainbow 🌈 anomaly, urban area, powerlines, Vietnam 🇻🇳
.24 https://old.reddit.com/UFOB/comments/1cl99el/just_saw_an_orb/ sighting description, contemporaneous report, nighttime, at home, West Yorkshire the UK 🇬🇧, single light object, descending, ball of white plasma with a central core that was comprised of green and rust orange filaments. 🟢🟠, disappeared behind treeline, similar sightings in comments , silent
.25 https://old.reddit.com/BackwoodsCreepy/comments/1cl5goq/strange_feeling_in_appalachia/ experience description, possible bigfoot, camping, Appalachia, footsteps, knocking, humming, Like as if a person was just humming a tune., felt observed, witness went to sleep
.26 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cm9jr3/ideas_on_what_this_is/ video, nighttime sky, Jeollabukdo south Korea 🇰🇷 , single light object, observed stationary and moving, possible reaction to being observed, oval-shaped, possibly illuminating clouds, overhead, silent, urban area, starlink?
.27 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cmhl2uaps_in_edmonton_ab_may_4_2024/ photo and video, daytime cloudy sky, photo shows twolights, angled from the horizon, Edmonton Alberta Canada 🇨🇦, 53° 32' 45.1788'' N,
.28 https://old.reddit.com/ufo/comments/1cm2wio/anyone_in_dayton_ohio_see_a_ufo_on_friday_night/ sighting description, Dayton Ohio, has anyone seen?, single light object moving fast, illuminating sky, vanishing, All the sudden the sky lit up. I looked up and it appeared the moon was very full and very bright. Then it immediately shot across the sky and burned out., near USAF, Wright Patterson air force base, meteor?
.29 https://old.reddit.com/HighStrangeness/comments/1clx1gd/an_experience_i_had/ experience description, at home, nighttime, single light object, size change or approach, flew overhead, moving and stationary, orange 🟠, vanished, emotion of happiness, repeat visitor
.30 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cmkfms/does_anyone_have_any_idea_what_this_could_be_my/ video, daytime cloudy sky, single dark object, elongated, diffuse trail, jellyfish 🪼 , from airplane, shape change, contrails type, submission statement issues, removed, lost data
.31 https://old.reddit.com/HighStrangeness/comments/1cm44sl/peoples_reaction_to_when_i_tell_them_what_iv_seen/ sightings, ongoing, discussion of stigma
.32 https://old.reddit.com/Skydentify/comments/1cmpv22/can_anybody_tell_me_what_the_quick_flash_is_that/ timelapse video, nighttime sky, single light object, appearing and vanishing, low below treeline, directly in front
.33 https://www.reddit.com/useRollinnZaZa95/comments/1cmmhuq/2018_phoenix_lights_ups_hub/ video, nighttime sky, at work, threelights, flying in formation, low over rooftop, multiple witnesses, urban area, Phoenix Arizona
.34 https://old.reddit.com/ufo/comments/1cmqyj1/what_is_this_found_it_at_indialantic_veach/ photos, possible metamaterial
.35 ➡️ https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cn2tqe/my_bil_just_experienced_contact_of_the_third_kind/ experience description, family story, brother in law, from car, nighttime, single light object, directly in front, cylindrical shape, metallic cigar shaped object. , followed the witness, approach, zigzag movements, emotion of fear, physical effects goosebumps, everything in his car suddenly felt charged with a huge amount of static electricity out of left field. All of his hair was sticking up - head, arms, entire body and when he would touch his dashboard or other parts of the car he would get shocked., felt observed, vibration, felt pulled, witness left the area, subsequent electronic effects car began locking and unlocking itself throughout the night in his garage- making the lock honk and unlock honk for hours., near Joshua Tree National Park California, camera can't detect it, dashcam goes from normal to seeing a bright white flash to being blurred out, to going back to normal again as he was driving away. , sleep disruption, having really bad nightmares about an abduction since, [GOODPOST] https://web.archive.org/web/20240508173925/https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cn2tqe/my_bil_just_experienced_contact_of_the_third_kind/ Archive
.36 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cmtbbw/possible_ufo_sighting_arizona/ photo, daytime cloudy sky, single object blackwhite, elongated, horizontal orientation, possible rectangle, not seen by eye, Arizona
.37 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cn5ntb/i_took_this_while_driving_through_nebraska/ photo, from car, daytime cloudy sky, single light object, not seen by eye, Nebraska
.38 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cmvnov/did_anybody_see_the_bright_flashing_lighting_up/ sighting description, contemporaneous report, from car, nighttime, driving east from wentville Missouri, single light object, flashing, very bright, illuminating sky, multiple witnesses, the whole highway slowed down., vanishing, has anyone seen?, similar sightings same area in comments
.39 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cn62ry/some_strange_experiences_ive_had_do_any_of_these/ experience descriptions, entity, inside bedroom, witness woke up, shadow figure, felt observed, witness went to sleep, subsequent dream description, entity, felt observed, subsequent information transfer, lying down in a room and having some information being put into my head and freaking out from whatever I had just learnt., emotion of fear,
.40 https://old.reddit.com/Skydentify/comments/1cmy6y2/what_is_this_light_moving_through_sky/ photo, nighttime sky, single light object, elongated, angled from the horizon
.41 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cnads9/wtf_is_that/ photo, daytime sky, powerlines, plane for comparison, single light object, not seen by eye, urban area, Miami Florida, near water Atlantic Ocean, downvoted to zero in 30 minutes, OP comments downvoted
.42 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cncumx/my_sons_drawing/ art 🎨, drawing , flying saucer
.43 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cnd105/phenomenon_related_dreams/ dream description, entity, The being/craft/king telepathically told us he was going to reveal himself to us and he ripped off his mask to reveal another plastic like clown mask., physical effects paralysis, vibration, I awoke in my bed (had to be 3am-4am) and I could not move but there were intense "electric" like pusles starting in my head and moving down my body through my feet.. They were extremely intense and slowly faded. It was not really painful but it was a little frightening, very intense and like nothing I have ever experienced.
.44 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cnbxpu/my_mom_saw_a_ufo/ video, nighttime sky, from car, single light object, central Texas., very bright, moving fast , pulsating
.45 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cnd42o/large_stationary_disk_ufo_over_north_atlantic/ sighting description, three witnesses, over water Atlantic Ocean, Myrtle Beach south Carolina, disk shape, very large, electronic effects camera can't detect it, stationary, nighttime https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cncxy4/large_stationary_disk_shaped_ufo_over_north/ reposted
.46 https://old.reddit.com/ufo/comments/1cmxs3c/flying_object/ video, nighttime sky, single light object moving slowly, low over rooftop, the Netherlands 🇳🇱
.47 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cngbc7/spotted_this_evening_north_london/ sighting description and reference image, evening sky, threelights, orange 🟠, from car, urban area, London England the UK 🇬🇧, witness looked away and looked back, vanished, Went under a bridge and then they were gone.
.48 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cninhn/lantana_fl_ufo_or_something_over_ocean/ video, daytime cloudy sky, over water Atlantic Ocean, single object blackwhite, possibly rotating, moving slowly, vanishing and reappearing https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cnip7a/lantana_fl_ufo_pics_to_go_with_video/ photo, Lantana Florida, beetle 🪲 or doughnut 🍩 shaped , submission statement issues, removed https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cnv797/lantana_fl_ufo_or_something_in_sky_over_ocean/ photos reposted
.49 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cnja67/vulture_to_the_left_ufo_to_the_right/ photo, daytime sky, single light object, possible disk shape, bird for comparison, not seen by eye, overhead, reddish glow, near Medford Oregon, downvoted to zero
.50 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cnzjh1/introducing_anomaly_network_document_and_share/ original project, iPhone app, Anomaly Network, available at anomalynetwork.net, is a community-driven app where users can share their UFO sightings in real-time or document past encounters.
.51 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cnl49k/what_is_it/ video, nighttime sky, single dark object, reaction to being filmed, It saw I was filming and try to hide., low over treeline, downvoted to zero, OP comments downvoted, big debunker energy
.52 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cnlcz8/video_i_took_not_sure_if_it_is_a_ufo_please_tell/ video, daytime sky, plane for comparison, single light object moving fast, elongated, horizontal orientation, tictac, horizontal trajectory , Jefferson City Missouri
.53 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cnp5z4/sighting_report_south_of_niagara_triangle_craft/ sighting description, south of niagara Canada 🇨🇦, contemporaneous report, nighttime, triangle 🔺️, threelights, lights on each point, moving towards niagara from the south , trailed by a slow moving jet matching speed , interaction with airplane, followed by plane, both objects silent, The jet appeared to be a military design, one or two passenger and had lights on it as well it was silent as well and had no plume trail.,
.54 ➡️ https://old.reddit.com/HighStrangeness/comments/1cnnjg5/my_wife_sawsomething_strange/ sighting description, contemporaneous report, nighttime, two people at home, Camp Pendleton California, military, animal reaction dogs growling and hair standing up on their backs., twolights, vertical orientation, two bright white circle lights, kind of stacked up atop on one another. One smaller, one a little bigger. , moving, approach, similar sightings in comments and discussion of apathy, [GOODPOST]
.55 https://old.reddit.com/HighStrangeness/comments/1cnpi63/i_just_had_my_first_experiance/ sighting description, contemporaneous report, British Columbia Canada 🇨🇦, nighttime, two witnesses, single light object, wtf_is_that, reaction to being observed, sudden departure, It swiftly shot away the moment I looked at it, hovering about 20 feet above ground, leaving behind a trail of orange flame-like glow as it moved. 🟠, silent, emotional reaction shock, similar sighting in comments, over the witness home, backyard
.56 https://old.reddit.com/ufo/comments/1cnwr98/ufo_corrientes_argentina_090524/ photo, nighttime sky, single light object, elongated, haze, corrientes Argentina 🇦🇷, contemporaneous report, low over treeline, two witnesses, blue glow 🔵
.57 ➡️ https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cos8he/what_is_this_off_the_coast_of_walton_county_fl/ photo, daytime cloudy sky, Walton County Florida, over water, gulf of Mexico, single dark object, low over horizon, elongated, vertical orientation, possible haze or diffuse trail, rectangular shape, duration a couple minutes, vanished, contemporaneous report, [GOODPOST] https://old.reddit.com/MobileAL/comments/1cpskoc/military_helicopters/ possible military response helicopters
.58 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1codh6n/uap_close_encounte sighting description, at home, Brookline Missouri, nighttime, backyard, felt observed, single light object, metallic sphere, low over ground, silver colored spherical object about beach ball size. It was moving very slowly from my left to right., crossed directly in front, reaction to being observed, flareup, lighting configuration change, began flashing, moving and stationary and moving, jumpy movements, vanishing, silent, military aviation OP, telepathy, seemed to me like it could read my thoughts, [GOODPOST]
.59 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cohyet/uap_over_burbank_ca/ video, nighttime sky, urban area, Burbank California, near airport, single light object, orange 🟠, approach, possible reaction to being filmed, trajectory change, vanishing and reappearing, contemporaneous report, downvoted to zero
.60 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1co544x/saw_a_weird_light_in_the_sky/ sighting description, contemporaneous report, evening sky, from car, single light object, splitting, lighting configuration change to twolights, dimming, vanishing, scardovari Italy 🇮🇹 , near water river Po, downvoted to zero, OP comments downvoted
.61 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1com61m/liberty_nc/ video, nighttime sky, from car, liberty north Carolina, fleet, low over treeline, orange 🟠, moving slowly, silent
.62 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cotyqj/3_flying_objects_found_in_night_sky_with/ video, nighttime sky, multiple objects, moving erratically, low over treeline
.63 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cowsz0/what_was_this/ video, daytime cloudy sky, from airplane, single object blackwhite, possible disk shape or possible island, approaching Seoul Incheon Airport., south Korea 🇰🇷
.64 https://old.reddit.com/aliens/comments/1cos39a/people_always_ask_why_do_ufos_only_come_to_the/ sighting description and discussion of the Bahamas 🇧🇸 as a Hotspot, especially as of lately in the last few years it’s spiked. contemporaneous report, nighttime, three witnesses, threelights, smaller objects accompany it, previous news report entities observed, tall tridactyl owl like beings that were zooming around in pods.,
.65 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1coxv5o/i_experienced_an_orb_51024_621_utc_i_saw_it_drop/ photos, nighttime sky, contemporaneous report, single light object, possibly emitting orbs, possible telepathy,
.66 https://old.reddit.com/UFOscience/comments/1coz2gold_pictures_from_2009_showing_strange_objects/ description of photos, single light object moving, twolights, plane for comparison, near airport, Mantova Italy 🇮🇹, facing the mountain called Monte Baldo.
.67 https://old.reddit.com/StrangeEarth/comments/1coycsz/juno_spacecraft_took_this_picture_am_i_imagining/ photo, Jupiter anomaly, possible structure
.68 https://old.reddit.com/ufo/comments/1conlyh/what_is_this_machine_preview_in_belgium_yesterday/ photos, daytime sky, contemporaneous report, single dark object, angular shape, blue glow, contemporaneous report, Gemmenich Belgium 🇧🇪, audio description funny noise, RC Wing/Plane
.69 https://old.reddit.com/HighStrangeness/comments/1cohwgd/encounter_beyond_earth_unraveling_alien_tech/ detailed experience description, near Whitmore Lake, Michigan, possible abduction, location anomaly, ended up way off route, 40 miles north past my stop, right over the Zilwaukee Bridge. , subsequent telepathy, Since that night, my mind has been different. I’ve developed abilities I can't fully explain, like intense intuition and predictive dreams that actually come true https://old.reddit.com/AlienAbduction/comments/1codwhq/beyond_time_and_understanding/ same OP, more details
.70 https://old.reddit.com/space/comments/1cohf2x/iss_and_vsfb_rocket_flew_over_me_at_the_same_time/ reference ISS, reference rocket launch, video, nighttime sky, contemporaneous report, Vandenberg Space Force Base
.71 https://old.reddit.com/BackwoodsCreepy/comments/1co3xap/im_from_a_remote_village_in_northern_alaska_and/ sighting descriptions and local folklore, northern Alaska, entities, Innuligarraq (in-new-thli-gar-uck) (irrecenrat on my Yup’ik side), or the Little People. , In my personal experiences, I’ve seen the little ones and the big ones. They both can resemble humans, or just a blur on the land. I believe they’re part of another world or dimension and that’s why they cannot always be seen, similar sightings same area in comments , [GOODPOST]
.72 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cozlks/a_friend_of_mine_filmed_a_uap_with_greer_gree experience description friend of OP, human initiated contact, celebrity event, Greer confiscated video of single light object, it hovered a few feet over their head. They recorded the whole encounter, including it hovering over Greer and then flying off into the distance.
.83 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1coznlg/uap_spotted_after_spacex_launch/ video, nighttime sky, single light object, Central Valley California, at home, near rocket launch, observed moving and stationary and moving, sudden departure, vanishing, object moving left after the rocket, it seemed to stop, then started going off quickly to the right before completely disappearing
.84 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cp1sx7/i_witnessed_something_that_i_cant_explain/ sighting description, contemporaneous report, nighttime, at home, single light object stationary, very bright, two witnesses, witness looked away and looked back, vanished, near water, west coast of Denmark 🇩🇰
.85 https://old.reddit.com/ufo/comments/1cp1kyk/night_flights_around_reserve_nm_weird_cluster_of/ video, nighttime sky, cosmic campground in Glenwood New Mexico, camping, duration 20-25 minutes, fleet, appeared out of nowhere
.86 https://old.reddit.com/StrangeEarth/comments/1cozhx1/uap_caught_on_camera_oc/ video, nighttime sky, single light object, vanishing, low over rooftop, central California, just after a space X falcon launch
.87 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cp8lsd/weird_uap_captured_tonight_in_south_dakota/ photo, nighttime sky, contemporaneous report, crooks south Dakota, threelights, elongated, yellowish 🟡, trail, at home, backyard, similar sighting same area in comments , horizontal trajectory , northern lights
.88 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cp8yv9/filmed_this_tonight/ video, nighttime cloudy sky, powerlines, Wayland Michigan, contemporaneous report, single object moving fast , northern lights
.89 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cpggt2/could_this_movement_be_attributable_to_parallax/ sighting description, contemporaneous report, Walla Walla Washington state, single light object moving and stationary, possible trajectory change, it appeared to veer from its arc and turn to the left a bit and then… it stopped.
.90 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cp7b16/airplane_satellite/ video, nighttime sky, contemporaneous report, single light object moving, plane for comparison observed, video shows moving erratically, multicolored, white observed, low over rooftop, downvoted to zero , northern lights
.91 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cpiwtg/northern_lights_ce5_contact_a2_michigan/ photos, nighttime sky, hard to see, contemporaneous report, human initiated contact, Michigan , northern lights
.92 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cpiosv/am_i_crazy_or_is_this_weird/ video, nighttime sky, at home, single light object moving, multicolored, contemporaneous report, near Pawling new York state , northern lights
.93 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cpjrp0/what_does_everyone_make_of_this_saw_this_last/ video, nighttime sky, contemporaneous report, single light object, low over treeline, Tennessee, moving slowly, descending below treeline, trampoline, appeared out of nowhere, similar sighting in comments, ISS? ,
.94 ➡️ https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cp82oq/did_i_see_the_triangle/ video, nighttime sky, contemporaneous report, from airplane, downvoted to zero, from Chicago to Austin , central USA, possible interaction with airplane, plane banked hard away causing me to drop the phone., dark shadow of the triangle with glowing light around it. https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cpkybt/triangle_stills/ still images , removed, The rest of the flight was normal, we felt lower than before and landed ~30 mins later than we should have. When I landed in Austin, the Airport’s alarm system was going off and people were evacuating briefly.
.95 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cp90nh/saw_this_while_looking_at_the_aurora_satellite/ video, nighttime sky, single light object moving slowly and straight, flew over the witness home, Tennessee, disappeared behind treeline, similar sightings in comments , northern lights
.96 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cpblvq/flashing_greenblue_light_moving_erratically/ video, nighttime sky, single light object flashing, contemporaneous report, northern lights, urban area, Calgary Alberta Canada 🇨🇦, observed green-blue 🟢🔵, moving erratically, trajectory change, right angle turn, started off very bright with a bit of a tail moving vertically. Started to change direction and move horizontally, at different speeds. , speed change, sudden departure downward, downvoted to zero
.97 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cpbr3j/iron_city_tennessee/ sighting description, downvoted to zero, Iron City Tennessee, three witnesses, multiple objects, fleets, they would appear and travel in perfect formation. In two’s, 3’s, and the biggest I saw was 6 in a sideways U-shape formation., flying in formation, appeared out of nowhere, similar sighting in comments, contemporaneous report, northern lights,
.98 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cpc3d7/orb_shaped_object_in_redding_ca/ video, nighttime sky, single light object, multicolored, plane for comparison, speed change observed, silent, low over rooftop,
.99 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cpe5o5/orbs_in_the_sky/ video, hard to see, nighttime sky, contemporaneous report, Iowa, northern lights, human initiated contact, repeat visitors, sometimes i get blinks back or a small ball of light slowly or sometimes swiftly moving across the sky, in all different directions., physical effects goosebumps, the second i saw them tonight, i had tingles all up the entirety of my body and i felt electric, downvoted to zero
.100 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cpjdd2/a_friend_got_some_cool_photos_of_the_sky_last/ photos, nighttime sky, contemporaneous report, northern lights, Tennessee, downvoted to zero, multiple objects, fleet, worm 🪱, blue 🔵, not seen by eye
.101 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cpo1zg/ufo_spotted_in_holly_springs_nc_7282021/ video, daytime sky, single dark object, elongated, irregular shape, vertical orientation, at home, two witnesses, low over treeline, stationary, felt observed, texture visible, scaled with a texture like rust and was maroon in color. The bottom was like a corkscrew spiraling and resembled snakes moving around a pole. It was confusing and made no sense to observe., reddish glow, possibly rotating, shape change, reaction to being filmed, departing, Holly Springs north Carolina,
.102 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cpr67m/weird_orange_lights/ video, nighttime sky, fleet, two pairs of twolights, low over treeline, orange 🟠, submission statement issues
.103 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cpqay7/ufo_sighting_near_canada_usa_borde photos and videos, nighttime sky, camping, near the border of Montana and British Columbia Canada 🇨🇦, contemporaneous report, northern lights, single light object moving erratically, over water, river, loops, trajectory change, flying around in strange circular motions and could fly back and forth at unreasonably fast speeds and stop and turn around on a dime., red 🔴, color change observed, duration 20-30 minutes, vanishing, repeat visitor or second object, made three passes, low over ridgeline, zigzag movements, emotion of fear , [GOODPOST], decided to sleep in the locked car instead of my tent for the night.
.104 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cp8wig/green_blinking_lights/ sighting description, contemporaneous report, northern lights, nighttime, at home, backyard, southwest Ontario Canada 🇨🇦, twolights, flashing, green 🟢, possible diamond 💠 formation, low over rooftop, stationary and moving, almost diamond shaped on its side with two lights horizontal on the ends. Eventually the lights stopped blinking and it move East and I lost sight of it. , felt observed, downvoted to zero
.105 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cprste/no_idea_what_this_is/ video, nighttime sky, single light object, low over rooftop
.106 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cpnzeg/51124_1208_am_cdt/ photo, nighttime sky, twolights, elongated, worm 🪱, blue 🔵, northern lights, prior single light object moving erratically, flashing, intermittently flashed like a disco ball and darted around in a very small area for approximately 10 seconds. , reaction to being filmed, vanishing, two witnesses
.107 https://old.reddit.com/HighStrangeness/comments/1cp9v6a/low_hum_in_the_hudson_valley/ audio description, no craft, humming sound, at home, duration 30-40 minutes, The sound was undulating up and down in pitch, like a very slow vibrato, and it sounded like it was coming from the sky or just the air around us. It didn’t sound mechanical, or like wind or a plane, it had a very clear, almost musical tone. It felt like the air was vibrating, like we were inside a giant violin., Hudson Valley new York state, contemporaneous report, northern lights, sky trumpets, similar sightings in comments
.108 https://old.reddit.com/aliens/comments/1cp7byz/saw_this_tonight_in_the_south_of_norway_at_first/ video, nighttime cloudy sky, contemporaneous report, cloud anomaly, fleet, flashing erratically, northern lights, southern Norway 🇳🇴
.109 https://old.reddit.com/aliens/comments/1cpfggg/woke_up_to_hear_about_the_crazy_g5_storm_tried_to/ photo, nighttime sky, single light object, elongated, angled from the horizon, not seen by eye, moving fast , near Philadelphia Pennsylvania
.110 https://old.reddit.com/aliens/comments/1cpmh65/any_maine_ufo_nerds_here_see_anything_a_few/ sighting description, nighttime, fleet, moving and stationary, all different directions, over water, Grand Manan Channel near Lubec Maine., duration 1 hour, sometimes in pairs, and they would move, stop, change direction and make sharp curves as if scanning or observing the enviroment, and although they all made different movements they would all eventually fly up into the same spot in the clouds and out of sight., has anyone seen?
.111 https://old.reddit.com/aliens/comments/1cp82pz/what_did_i_just_witness_here_in_kentucky_watching/ video, nighttime sky, single light object, color change, red and green 🔴🟢, silent, observed moving erratically, contemporaneous report, northern lights, northern Kentucky
.112 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cpsi34/ufos_over_uk_south_coast_right_now/ sighting description, contemporaneous report, nighttime, Northern lights, Duration 30 minutes, two witnesses, at home, curved trajectory, all different directions, All of them are flying in different directions, different speeds, some fly straight and some fly curved, some travel in pairs as if they're racing, with their speeds fluctuating! , Worthing the UK 🇬🇧, near water, similar sighting same day in Belgium 🇧🇪 in comments
.113 https://old.reddit.com/ufo/comments/1cpnebi/spotted_last_night_brilliant_bright_light/ photo, nighttime sky, contemporaneous report, northern lights, single light object moving fast, haze, possible beetle 🪲 or rectangular shape, flew overhead, ISS?, Denver Colorado, similar sightings same day in comments, emitting brilliant sparkly light.
.114 https://old.reddit.com/ufo/comments/1cnts0q/fastmoving_orange_light_over_tuscolagenesee/ sighting description, single light object moving fast, zigzag movements, orange 🟠, over Genesee or Tuscola counties, near Millington Missouri, has anyone seen?, nighttime, two witnesses, trail
.115 https://old.reddit.com/ufo/comments/1cnszys/maybe_just_maybe/ photo, nighttime cloudy sky, single light object, elongated, angled from the horizon, disappeared into cloud, fleet observed, individual objects one behind other. Disappeared behind the cloud like it never existed. , low over rooftop, at home, urban area, Sydney Australia 🇦🇺
.116 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cpt88u/white_light_moving_across_the_sky_satellite_o video, nighttime sky, at home, backyard, contemporaneous report, northern lights, single light object, silent, moving straight, the Netherlands 🇳🇱 , plane for comparison
.117 https://old.reddit.com/UFOB/comments/1cpqq54/very_bright_solid_white_round_light/ photos, nighttime sky, contemporaneous report, northern lights, single light object, Iowa City Iowa, silent, moving straight,
.118 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cpvvgp/anyone_in_phoenix_see_pure_white_orbs_fading_in/ sighting description, has anyone seen?, urban area, Phoenix Arizona, from car, two witnesses, contemporaneous report, northern lights, nighttime, single light object, appeared out of nowhere, stationary, vanishing, repeat visitor or second object, made four passes, circle shaped, had a clearly defined end to the circular light source, a big circle of light that would fade in, hang around, then disappear., similar sightings in comments
.119 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cq6i6u/my_first_ufo_encounter_with_a_twist_a_whole_fleet/ sighting description, Eningen unter Achalm Germany 🇩🇪 , daytime cloudy sky, two witnesses, single dark object, lighting configuration change to metallic sphere, duration 5-10 minutes, hiking, black ⚫️, directly in front, moving slowly, eye 👁, physical effects paralysis, transfixed, flashes of light, ascending at an angle, haze, disappeared into clouds, photos show fleet and possible repeat visitor, [GOODPOST], emotional reaction feeling shook
.120 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cpxi33/triangle_craft/ photo, OP is not the witness, witness is law enforcement friend who works near a major airport., nighttime sky, threelights, triangle formation, repeat visitor, he calls it in to the air traffic control tower every time. They tell him “they know about it and could he please quit calling.”, [GOODPOST], observed stationary, over powerlines, duration 10 minutes, similar sightings in comments
.120 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cpycff/satellite_tough_to_tell_in_first_video_with_plane/ video, nighttime sky, single light object , contemporaneous report, Michigan
.121 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cpyxou/anyone_else_seen_this_before/ sighting description and discussion of sightings, repeat visitor, has anyone seen?, single flash, it just flashes white once then… nothing., many similar sightings in comments, [GOODPOST]
.122 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cq1myc/just_spotted_this_in_auckland_nz/ video, nighttime sky, contemporaneous report, northern lights, single light object moving slowly, orange 🟠 horizontal trajectory, low over treeline, urban area, Auckland new zealand 🇳🇿, similar sighting same area in comments, downvoted to zero, OP comments downvoted
.123 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cq3h3c/ufo_swarm_spotted_near_elk_creek_ca_during_sola photos, nighttime sky, contemporaneous report, northern lights, elk creek California, multiple objects observed, zigzag movements , downvoted to zero, OP comments downvoted
.124 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cq832t/ufo_spotted_on_singapore_bay/ video, daytime sky, over water, Singapore 🇸🇬 bay, contemporaneous report, single dark object, irregular shape, tendrils, jellyfish 🪼, stationary, downvoted to zero, OP comments downvoted, big debunker energy
.125 https://old.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1cpxjlf/possible_uap_sighting_dover_nh_51224_2200_edt/ video, nighttime sky, single light object moving slowly, powerlines, urban area, dover new Hampshire, contemporaneous report, northern lights
Continued...

why'd someone feel so uncomfortable around men?
like, i never really had male friends, even though i've always wanted to
and it's so weird when i'm around men
it's not like i'm afraid of getting harassed or anything (depending on the man, of course)
this is so annoying
cause when i talk to them and they treat me great i get all strange and with this thrill that kinda feels like the "butterflies on my stomach" thing as if they're asking for marriage or something
what's the point of this reactions?
let's get back with the "sou legal, não tô te dando mole" community on orkut
for real, i get disappointed with myself when this stuff happens
i feel like those over emotional teenagers that are immediatly "in love" when the pretty guy/girl says hi at school

I would like to share how I discovered that I'm a lesbian, since I have never heard of a similar experience. Maybe some can identify with me.
I have always been aware of my asexual orientation and that the sexual aspect has no relevance for me and I don't feel sexually attracted to anyone (I must clarify that I'm sex-neutral, I don't mind having sex). Consequently, I have never actively sought out romantic relationships; If mutual interest arose, I would date the person. I never took the initiative in it, which resulted in several relationships with men and weird experiences. I came to consider myself bisexual at one point, not because I was attracted to "men and women", but because I thought I might be attracted to men in a platonic way, similar to how I might be attracted to a woman (although until then I had never been attracted to for none). This brings me to what "being attracted to a man" meant to me: it was an idea I had constructed in my mind, a concept. Although I came to think that I was attracted to them physically and mentally, that attraction faded in a matter of days when I started a relationship, since they never met my expectations. I felt like they never fully understood me; They saw me in a simplistic way: as a beautiful body with an interesting mind, but above all, as a body. Over time, I came to dislike them; They weren't bad people, but their bodies disgusted me, their skin, their voice, their hair... It was always like that. I came to believe that I was incapable of loving and being loved. I also had no attraction to women, so I just thought I was broken. Until I felt genuinely attracted to a woman, and it all made sense. At my 24 years old, I felt like I had finally “unlocked” the skill to love women. I was a little sad that I had spent 24 years forcing myself to date men and feeling bad for not fitting in, and I wondered why it had taken me so long to discover myself, considering that my family and those around me were always open about the LGBT+ stuff.
The few lesbians I met were always clear about their orientation, and when I ask them how they realized it, I always think about how important the sexual attraction factor was for them (something I don't experience). However, I did feel attraction to women, although not in the same way that a man or an allosexual person does, and that was the main reason I never "suspected" anything. I never felt romantic interest in my friends, and I'm not someone who enjoyed physical contact, but there were certain girls who gave me a feeling of butterflies in my stomach; I don't know how to explain it, but with just one interaction, I felt like I was floating on a cloud. I thought some girls were pretty, but I was jealous of those I was attracted to, because they had something I wanted (I always thought I wanted to look like them physically), and I enjoyed when they looked at me, talked to me, or touched my hair. However, I never felt the desire to have sexual relations with any woman in a passionate way. And it confused me a lot because that was the "norm."
The first time I was attracted to a woman it was a beautiful experience; There was no anxiety like with men, nor the pressure to be 100% sensual all the time, but simply to be myself. It was the first time I wanted to kiss a woman passionately. When I dated a woman for the first time, she understood me emotionally immediately; It was like our minds were connected. Everything was so intense that I even thought that they put a "binding spell" on me lol. They understood me so well, even sexually, and I was able to learn more about myself and genuinely enjoy myself without having to put on a sexual performance. Even the way some women rejected me was beautiful and they took my feelings into account...
Sometimes I doubt if I really am a lesbian, even after telling all this, I know that there is no correct way to be lesbian and that I'm another victim of comphet but at this moment I feel comfortable calling myself lesbian (and asexual). I'm attracted to women, it's a fact.

Some background knowledge, my partner (m31) and I (f29) been together 5 years, have known each other 17 years. First 3 years, we lived separately, last 2 years we lived together in my house (although he still has his apartment which he sub-leased since moving with me.) I work in the education field and I’m currently getting my PHD. I also have a child from a previous relationship (other parent is absent) that he helped me raise. The beginning, it was rainbows and butterflies per usual, then he became weirdly controlling, emotionally unavailable, and dependent on me I guess you can say. I have done A LOT for this person as he is not as educationally and financially stable as I am, however he does and has always worked. He got into an accident and was in the hospital, i didn’t leave his side. If he had car issues, and needed money, i paid. When he couldn’t work as a result of the accident, i paid his bills so he wouldn’t fall behind. When he wanted a new job, i did the resume, applications, payed for exam fees, etc. Holidays, birthdays, i showered him with gifts, surprises, etc .. I cook, I clean, I wash the clothes, i make his appointments, attend them .. only to realize I started feeling more like a servant or his mother than his woman because I wasn’t getting the same love, support, and effort in return. I could be exhausted from work and school and parenting one evening and he would just play video games and not even help me cook, or wash the dishes. He would see me burned out and say “don’t forget to wash my clothes tonight” instead. Further more, he started being irrational and controlling. He wanted me to call him every morning on my way to work, during my lunch break, when i got off of work, if i didn’t it would be an all out war. He wanted to know what i was wearing, if he didn’t like it he’d expect me to change clothes or he would call me names, or say he’s leaving (it could be a plain t shirt and jeans and he would still find something wrong with it) he didn’t want me going anywhere, he expected me to go to work and go straight home. He didn’t want me traveling anywhere, including school so everytime i had class he would argue and say things like idk why you doing extra schooling for. He started monitoring my phone calls. Didn’t want me going shopping with friends, going out to eat, or anything that consist of going outdoors. It became very extreme and concerning. If i didn’t do what he said he would flip out and ignore me for days or just argue for days. I felt like i couldn’t breathe. He also would accuse me of outlandish things such as looking at men, flirting with coworkers, or flirting with Uber drivers. If fed ex knocked on my door and i got the package and came back inside he would ask what took me so long, was i flirting with the fed ex man .. this started to occur like 12 times per day! At this point i told him if he didn’t change i was going to leave .. fast forward, i decided to start going to the gym (found out i have pre-diabetes) and he lost it. He said if I’m not going to an all woman’s gym he is going to leave me. I told him to leave and he did. Soon after, we spoke and i told him (i had been telling him) how i was feeling overwhelmed, anxious, stressed out, unappreciated, and disrespected by him and i told him he needed help and his behavior is unacceptable and I will not be isolated and locked in the house. If he couldn’t work on this i was done.. he basically ignores everything i said .. all of it .. and says “idc if i don’t give you permission to do something, you don’t do it, it’s as simple as that.” At that point i left him alone because he’s being delusional. We don’t speak for a week or two and he texts me to say he’s coming over to pick up some stuff.. i told him i wasn’t home (even tho i was, i just didn’t want to see him ). He flipped out and said “why aren’t you home, you want to be outside so I’m done with you” and proceeded to block me .. i never reached out again because I’m flat out done .. however, i can’t help but feel hurt by his actions. He made me feel crazy, because he made it seem as though he left me because i was such this horrible woman.. i guess im bothered by the fact that he painted a different picture of me than what took place to justify his actions in his own head .. im also angry with myself for dealing with that for as long as i did .. also angry that he won’t acknowledge anything i said or feel. How do I shake this feeling? Why do i feel so crazy?
Sorry for the long post, i guess im just venting .. (btw - i have no desire to be with him because his behavior won’t change)
TLDR - Controlling partner paints me out to be the bad guy and it really messes with my head

Maybe this is not the right community for this, if not, mods please just remove it. Also, English is not my first language, so sorry for my grammar. And this ended up a long post, but I just had to write it all down...
Where to start... I'm a 30 something European gay guy, in a long term relationship. He is an amazing person, but it was never love from my side, and sex was never great between us, but I thought this is still better than being alone. After a couple of years I settled, and asked him for an open relationship. He didn't want one, so I started cheating. I managed to keep my heart out of it, I just wanted some good sex, as the emotional part of our relationship is fine for more or less.
However things got complicated when last January. It started as usual. My partner went on a business trip, so I installed a gay hook-up app, and waited for guys to message me. One of these guys was "Ray". He was not really my type, but my gut said to invite him over. And I was so happy that I did. He was shorter than me, bald, brown skin, nice lips, a strong chin, and had a fun personality. He understood I had a boyfriend, and I rarely hook up, so we had a good chat, and I could feel the chemistry was just there. So after a great chat, we had amazing sex, and said goodbye to each other.
Days later I was still thinking about him. At the end of January my partner left for another business trip, so I reinstalled the app, and was waiting for Ray to message me. Didn't have to wait long. He came over again and told me he had a crush on me, and I told him I felt the same. We chatted again, had sex again, and this time exchanged numbers.
Soon he started to call me his boyfriend, his husband and I played along. I enjoyed his attention and this time I finally had those butterflies in my stomach.
I was thinking of leaving my partner, but Ray was from outside the EU, from a country where homosexuality is barely tolerated, and he told me his work contract might come to an end this April-June.
So I tried to keep my heart out of it, I kept saying myself it's an affair, enjoy the attention. I didn't even treat him the best, just to keep a bit of distance between us.
We kept seeing eachother until last June. My partner got a job in another country, and wanted to move. So, I also started looking for something, and was able to find a job in a couple of days. I took it as a sign to move, and remain with my partner, rather than end our relationship and start another one with an expiry date stamped on it.
Ray came over a couple of days before I left, we kissed, we hugged, I told him how much I loved him, and told him to let me know if his contract gets renewed, or if he is leaving Europe for good. Depending on the answer, I promised him to go back to him, or just go back and see him one last time before he leaves for good.
And this is where we should have ended things... But we didn't. We took the affair online, long distance, messaging and calling eachother whenever we could.
After a couple of months these exchanges became mostly X-rated, and less frequent. I knew he was seeing other guys, I even encouraged him to do so, and I would have understood if he found someone else. But no. He said he loved me, he missed me, and he was waiting for me.
So I kept messaging him, however he sometimes left me on read for days. I thought he was playing me (I still think he was), but kept playing along, I said just for the fun of it.
Ray became more distant in January, he said he was busy. I sent him a message for Valentine's day, that remained unread and unanswered for days. He kept posting stories on his Instagram, I kept liking them, so I knew he got and saw those messages. As days gone by, I became more angry at him for not replying to me, and in March I stopped watching and liking his stories. I thought he finally moved on, and I was ready too.
Then came an evening in mid March. I was sitting alone in the office, got nothing to do, when I got a message from Ray, saying he realized that I didn't view or liked his stories anymore, and it made him sad. I saw the message, but out of spite I didn't reply. I wanted to show him how it felt to be kept waiting for a reply for so long.
I replied back a couple of days later. The message was delivered, but only read a couple of days later. I waited some days more for an answer, but nothing. I said fine, we are done. I wanted to message him again in early April, just to make it official.
It was the end of March, when I woke up in the morning and Ray was the first thing in my mind. I just felt something was off. I arrived in the office, was alone again, opened Facebook, and it says that day was Ray's birthday. Strange, I rarely get FB notifications about birthdays anymore. I was like fine, I won't be rude, let me wish him a happy birthday. Sent a message, it was not delivered. He had like 3 phones, and he was always online. Also, I realised that I can't remember the last time he posted a story on Instagram. This made me think he blocked me. So, as I got the notification from Facebook, I opened his page there, thinking he forgot to block me there. And that's when I saw that he passed the day after he sent his last message to me. The message that I saw, but didn't read. Just to make him suffer. The guilt that I still feel because of this...
The next day became a cruel April's Fools joke, watching his funeral uploaded to YouTube, seeing pictures of him in a coffin... All by myself crying and screaming in an empty office.
It's been six weeks since I learnt his dead... And I still cannot get over it. I thought I didn't love him, but now I just realising that oh God, I did so much. And I cannot tell it to anyone.
I wish I never had left, I wish I replied to him that day, so maybe he would be still alive. I wish he told me that 'Baby, they renewed my contract.' Oh god, how much I wanted that. Since January I just wanted that message. Because I wanted to go back for him. And we would have figured out how to make him stay in Europe until his contract expired again, we would had a couple of years for that... And now it's never going to happen.
I reached out to some of his friends, some of them replied. He died suddenly of a brain aneurysm. Could I saved him if I told him I loved him the night before?
I also got a message from his number a couple of days ago, just saying that he is dead, and how he died. I thought that was the closure I needed, until I remembered that the last day we met he made a picture of us. The only picture of us together. I asked for that, maybe I shouldn't have. It's disrespectful for his family, and I've been waiting and crying ever since. The thing that is making me crying more that the message is not delivered. So his phone is off, and most probably I will never have that last memory of us together.
And this is where I am now. Waiting for that picture, crying in the office, posting on Reddit, asking help from strangers, as I cannot talk about it to anyone else.
Will I ever get over him? Did I really love him, or he was just an escape plan? Will I ever get over the guilt?
I don't know what to do, who to talk to, I don't know how much longer keep my feelings hidden. Maybe this post helps, maybe it won't...

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About half of the student body was blinded by the sudden and intense flash of light that blanketed the room.
The other half seemed to have reacted in time to shield themselves from that unexpected assault on the senses.
I was part of that latter half.
And what I saw during those precious few seconds of visual overstimulation was nothing short of remarkable.
The walls that had resembled Mal’tory’s dark and dreary office quaked and quivered in place, as if the whole room was a living organism, and we were somehow nestled within its guts.
Each of the ornate wooden panels began dislodging from one another, their formerly flush surfaces cracking, revealing seams where there had been none before. These seams too began expanding, as each of the panels started wobbling, wiggling, then eventually disconnecting from one another entirely; moving independently of one another as if freeing themselves from a long-dormant state.
For a moment, they looked almost like a reptile’s scales when put under magnification.
Then, and without any warning, they began disappearing, each panel violently pulled back and into some dark anomalous void that existed behind the walls themselves; sending the EVI into another fit of spatial error reports.
We were, for a split second, completely wall-less. But not a second after the old walls had been… for lack of a better term — banished to the literal shadow realm, did a set of new walls suddenly take their place.
And quite dramatically too.
As an entirely new wallface suddenly emerged darkness of the void, one that was earthy in tones, and reminded me more of those old teakwood heritage buildings back on Earth. There were fewer embellishments to them compared to the previous Victorian-styled walls, less patterns and ostentatious designs, instead simply going with this less is more approach that left vast empty gaps where decorations and patterns were previously present. It was almost as if they were left empty and bare for a reason.
ALERT: LOCALIZED SURGE OF MANA-RADIATION DETECTED, 475% ABOVE BACKGROUND RADIATION LEVELS
Out of nowhere, dozens of pots, planters, and trellises suddenly embedded themselves through the wall, decorating what was no longer a blank canvas.
Plantlife soon followed this open invitation for a free home, as hundreds of flowers bloomed all across the wall, carefully trimmed and perfectly appointed to the lattice structures they coiled on, with not a single one of them looking too wild or out of place.
The sudden and abrupt remodeling completely threw me off.
At least, until the source of it all suddenly made themselves known.
“Welcome, first years, to Mana-field perception and Light Magic theory.” The voice continued, as through the literal haze of change came a female figure that the EVI had little problem assigning a name and identifier to.
ENTITY IFF CONFIRMED: A109 Apprentice Larial Essen - NEXUS [CORDIAL]
Yet strangely, the metallic footsteps that I’d heard just before she crossed the staff door’s threshold didn’t seem to follow her. Instead, only the apprentice emerged from the door behind the lectern.
She continued towards the lectern with a forced and somewhat stiff poise and gait, her general demeanor identical to how she carried herself prior to the whole crate saga. Which was of course, stern, tired, and completely unyielding; a fact supported by the impeccable posture she used to walk into class.
Though the class’ focus certainly wasn’t on her demeanor, or her posture, nor even on the room that had completely morphed into a completely different space.
No.
It was instead almost squarely focused on the apprentice’s cloak, which was most certainly not black.
This prompted the entire room to erupt into a frenzy of whispers, tempered only by those daring enough to deploy privacy screens.
But before those antics could evolve any further, and before my mind could even catch up with this turn of events, a loud, high-pitched, and unbroken — SHUSH — erupted from the front of the class. Emerging from a certain gorn-like lizard, who’d stood up to face us rather than the apprentice currently manning her podium. “ALL STUDENTS RISE!” He commanded.
To which the entire class followed, with the only two tentative parties being myself and a certain bull.
“ALL STUDENTS FORWARD AND BOW!” He continued, prompting the whole class to follow suit, and from there, receiving a head-tilt’s worth of praise from the apprentice.
“Thank you, Lord Qiv.” The apprentice spoke appreciatively, before setting her sights on the rest of the desks and chairs—
ALERT: LOCALIZED SURGE OF MANA-RADIATION DETECTED, 200% ABOVE BACKGROUND RADIATION LEVELS
—which were subsequently transformed into brighter-toned variants of their formerly dark and depressive selves. “I understand that there may be quite a few lingering questions amongst the crowd that quite a few of you wish to be addressed. In the spirit of ensuring that these needless thoughts and senseless rumors do not come to cloud your mind throughout the rest of class, thereby rendering these lessons moot, I wish for them to be addressed here and now.” Larial announced tacitly, but with a severity that was clearly modeled off of her mentor.
The mood of the room quickly changed following that.
But instead of shifting to the deference and submission in Articord’s class, or the tentative acceptance of Vanavan’s class, there was instead an overarching tone of outright confusion.
It was as if the whole class didn’t know how best to handle the situation.
But whilst the rest of the room remained undecided, with a few shaky hands rising up one by one, a sense of relief quickly washed over me as my emotions finally managed to catch up to the rapidly developing turn of events.
I couldn’t help but to immediately activate the in-armor positional readjustment mode in the suit, allowing myself to just… slouch; as I took in the class with a renewed wave of reprieve.
It was that same feeling you get when you arrive on the day of the test, only to find it delayed by a week. Or that feeling you get when a notification arrives in the dead of night, on the eve of a presentation, to inexplicably announce that the whole project was now put on hold due to some unforeseen event.
But unlike those situations where the why of the situation didn’t really matter… here, it most certainly did.
Which prompted me to listen in, as the questions began flying towards the apprentice.
“If I may be the one so brazen as to offer myself as the voice of the year group, Apprentice Essen?” A certain Auris Ping took the lead, having been chosen by the apprentice amidst a sea of equally inquisitive hands.
“The floor is yours, Lord Ping.” The apprentice proclaimed.
“Thank you, Apprentice.” The bull responded curtly, eliciting a particularly intense glare from the likes of Thalmin. “Where is Professor Mal’tory?”
The apprentice’s features shifted somewhat at that question, as if she wasn’t expecting something that blunt and straightforward right out of the gate. “The professor’s whereabouts are the business of the Academy’s faculty and staff.” She spoke firmly, yet with an authority that she was clearly under equipped to wield. “If you wish to inquire as to the nature of this class going forward, I will be more than happy to-”
A series of hands were raised even before the apprentice had even finished her sentence. Which prompted the overworked and exhausted elf to switch over to another student before she even had time to finish her own thoughts. “The floor is yours, Lady Ladona.”
“Thank you, Apprentice. Now, to clarify, are we to expect you to be teaching us for the rest of this class?” The being, which I could only describe as a butterfly with most of their insectoid-traits toned down, asked politely.
“That is correct, Lady Ladona.”
“And is this expected to continue for… the rest of the month?” Ladona continued, her features shifting if only to show her growing sense of confidence.“The semester perhaps? Or maybe even the rest of the school year?” She continued at a rapid-fire pace, making a point to catch the apprentice off-guard before she could even respond to that first point.
“The responsibility of tutelage has been deferred to me on the basis of Professor Mal’tory’s current inability to fulfill this particular aspect of his responsibilities owing to his current engagements. This will remain so, until the Professor returns from said engagements.” The apprentice responded in that same jaded, no-nonsense tone of voice she’d used during our pre-life debt interactions.
It was, however, woefully inadequate in dealing with the likes of a vicious social predator like Ladona, who immediately waded through the tepid waters towards the first sign of weakness. “So when can we expect his return, Apprentice?” She pushed further, her polite tone of voice acting like a velvet cloth, barely concealing the sharp mandibles beneath it.
“That is something I cannot answer.” The apprentice replied sternly, taking a stand against the shark that had now tasted blood in the water.
“Is this because of a lack of correspondence to the faculty?” The butterfly-person shot back quickly with an innocent cock of her head, her antennae swaying as she did so.
“I am not at a privilege to divulge such details, and that is most certainly not the case, Lady Ladona.”
“My apologies, Apprentice.” Ladona spoke in a calculated show of apologetics. “In any case, am I to assume then that in addition to the responsibility of tutelage, that the responsibilities of proctorship, examination, and evaluation, have likewise been deferred to you?” She shifted gears once more, this time, her question garnered quite a few murmurs to emerge from the rest of the class.
Murmurs which, as the EVI’s little picture-in-picture subtitles hinted at, were all in support of Auris Ping’s right-hand.
“That’s right… are we to assume that an apprentice of all people will be responsible for the evaluation of our performance?”
“I mean, she is an elf, that should count for something right-”
“Have some dignity! Just because she’s an elf, doesn’t mean she has any right to be dictating the fate of our academic progress!”
“That’s right! This is an insult to our titles! How dare they relegate the tutelage of a class to a mere pitiable apprentice! What do they take us for, the dregs of society?”
These hot-takes continued escalating further and further, until finally, and seemingly out of nowhere, several of those voices began dying down seemingly mid-sentence; something had distracted them from their little outbursts.
In fact, as the seconds ticked by, Thacea, Thalmin, and Ilunor turned towards each other knowingly, as if sensing that something was amiss.
That something was soon made clear to me by a sudden uptick of mana that rose from two, to three, to four hundred percent above background radiation.
At which point, several warnings suddenly slammed my HUD.
ALERT: LOCALIZED SURGE OF MANA-RADIATION DETECTED, 400% ABOVE BACKGROUND RADIATION LEVELS
CAUTION: Concentrated Heat-Energy Surge Detected!
CAUTION: Localized Temperature Surge Detected!
Those caution reticles quickly formed just behind the apprentice, hovering ominously over that void-filled doorway, right before a stream of concentrated flames surged forwards towards her.
However, instead of dodging, ducking, or leaping out of the way, she stood firm; her features not even shifting even a little.
As right before the flames made contact, so too did they suddenly stop, as that surge of mana radiation fluctuated wildly—
ALERT: VARIABLE FREQUENCY FLUCTUATION OF MANA-RADIATION DETECTED 200 - 400% ABOVE BACKGROUND RADIATION LEVELS
—before suddenly disappearing.
The room was left stunned.
Any remaining conversations were halted mid way, with many of the more chatty students barely even registering what’d just happened.
So for those who lacked situational awareness, and were still very much looking around for the reason why the rest of the class had gone silent, there was a round two to these attacks that erupted as suddenly as the first.
ALERT: LOCALIZED SURGE OF MANA-RADIATION DETECTED, 650% ABOVE BACKGROUND RADIATION LEVELS
This was signaled at first by the cracking of rock and the quaking of the entire room, followed closely by four distinct sinkholes forming along the floor at the very front of the lecture hall. A gurgling, churning noise echoed ominously from deep within the newly-formed holes, like an ancient concrete mixer dialed up to eleven.
Eventually, it stopped.
And soon after, four humanoid earthen behemoths erupted from those sinkholes. Each of them easily towered over the apprentice, whilst each of their fists were at least a full Ilunor in size.
A tense confrontation followed, and a silence that could be shattered by a pin drop soon descended upon the formerly whisper-filled room.
Yet despite it all, the apprentice didn’t move a single muscle, and to top it all off her eyes were closed shut as if in deep thought.
Seconds passed.
Then finally, the four cobblestone golems made their move.
All four moved in sync, their first steps caused the whole hall to shudder, prompting me to instinctively flinch towards my sidearm as the events of the second day hit me harder than a sack of bricks.
The first golem was poised to strike her side—
ALERT: VARIABLE FREQUENCY FLUCTUATION OF MANA-RADIATION DETECTED 300 - 650% ABOVE BACKGROUND RADIATION LEVELS
—but found itself crumbling before our eyes, as local mana radiation spiked and shifted erratically.
The second golem reached down with its fist, poised to grab the apprentice through the lectern—
ALERT: VARIABLE FREQUENCY FLUCTUATION OF MANA-RADIATION DETECTED 250 - 700% ABOVE BACKGROUND RADIATION LEVELS
—but like the first, it found itself reduced to rubble, falling where it stood; as rock by rock, it collapsed under its own weight.
The third and fourth golems charged forward together, lunging down fast towards the lectern—
ALERT: VARIABLE FREQUENCY FLUCTUATION OF MANA-RADIATION DETECTED 350 - 725% ABOVE BACKGROUND RADIATION LEVELS
—but like the first and second, they too found themselves victims to the great equalizer that was gravity, as whatever magical glue was holding them together just up and failed, reducing those humanoid forms into harmless piles of rock.
A few stray rocks did reach the lectern, but were effortlessly swatted away by an invisible barrier, leaving the apprentice and her immediate surroundings completely unharmed.
Silence once more descended on the entire class.
But just like the silence from before, that lull period wasn’t destined to last, as a loud, boisterous, and jolly series of bellowing laughs emerged from behind the void of that door.
I could tell, with immediate certainty, who that voice belonged to.
I didn’t even need the EVI’s tag system for this one.
ENTITY IFF CONFIRMED: A110 Professor Sorecar Latil Almont Pliska - NEXUS [CORDIAL]
“Spectacular work, young apprentice! Spectacular work indeed!” The man came marching through the door, walking up and towards the apprentice.
“Thank you, Professor-Armorer Pliska.” The apprentice responded softly, prompting the armorer to reply with a sharp and brisk bow of his own.
“You can reserve your thanks for after class, I have plenty more exercises where that came from, and each and every one is going to be tougher than the last!” The man proclaimed not-so-discreetly, eliciting a worried expression to form on the apprentice’s face, highlighting the seriousness of the otherwise lackadaisical tone of his voice. “Needless to say, I don’t think you’ll be thanking me much after I’m done with you! The Academy’s gotten a bit softer over the years, and I’m about to make up for lost time before they toss old-Sorecar Latil Almont Pliska back into the workshop!” He paused, before shifting his tone towards a more menacing one. “And that applies to your understudies as well, Apprentice.”
“Now!” The armorer quickly shifted his attention from the apprentice, and towards class, his gesticulations wild, as if making for the apprentice’s slower, more sluggish demeanor. More specifically, he maintained this sort of “Y” posture, with both arms high above his head as he spoke. “For those of you wondering exactly what just happened… well, perhaps it would be best for you to leave the class considering this is exactly the sort of thing we’ll both be expecting of you following the conclusion of this school year! And for those of you who openly doubt the qualifications of our dear apprentice here… just know that she was hand-picked by Professor Mal’tory himself for a reason.” The man paused, before bringing his arms back down to his sides, if only to emphasize his point, before resuming the posture from before. “And until I see a single one of you being personally selected by a black, red, blue, or white-robed professor… I don’t want to hear a single peep of doubt from you lot. At least as it pertains to the apprentice’s ability to teach these classes! And if you need an extra guarantee of such? Well… know that the Academy does not allow an apprentice to teach without supervision from an appointed Professor of the Magical Arts.” He paused, as if for dramatic effect, before pointing both hands down towards himself. “Which just so happens to be the only Professor otherwise free from the burdens of stringent schedules — yours truly!”
To Sorecar’s credit, the murmurs born of inflated egos, and the whispers of dissidence did not once dare to interrupt, or follow-up on the man’s proclamations.
If anything, that entire… display was enough to keep the critics at bay, and the ones on the fence to fully hop back on the side of respect.
At least, until one group decided to tempt fate, deploying a privacy screen.
ALERT: LOCALIZED SURGE OF MANA-RADIATION DETECTED, 350% ABOVE BACKGROUND RADIATION LEVELS
If only for that privacy screen to suffer the same effects as the rest of the spells casted throughout class thus far.
ALERT: VARIABLE FREQUENCY FLUCTUATION OF MANA-RADIATION DETECTED 100 - 350% ABOVE BACKGROUND RADIATION LEVELS
“Bold! Brash! And indeed, cheeky, if that word still holds true in this era’s vernacular!” Sorecar announced with a laugh that radiated deep from within his armor. “Unlike other classes that prohibit the casting of magic save for practice or demonstrative purposes, I fully allow it, nay, I say, I encourage it! You youths should be free to cast magic whenever and however you like!” The man paused soon after, and once again shifted gears towards a more severe timbre, yet never once losing that lackadaisical personality I knew him for. “But just remember, while you may freely practice these magical gifts you have and hold so highly, doing such in this class is to be considered a direct challenge by yours truly! This is the study of Light Magic and Mana-field Perception, after all! And thus, in the spirit of scholarly competition, I shall take every spell cast as a chance to prove what’s what!”
The man paused, before gesturing towards the apprentice. “Now, for those of you still quite confused with the definition of Light Magic as it pertains to the Nexian vernacular, I shall defer the right of tutelage back to that of our dear Apprentice. The floor is yours, my lady.”
A brief exchange of bows between the teaching duo was had, before the apprentice finally started, now with all doubts and concerns fully addressed not just by words alone, but through action as well.
“As all of you may have already discerned, the demonstration Professor Pliska had so graciously provided, was an attempt to illustrate the most visible effects of Light Magic — that being the detection and subsequent dispelling of active and pre-active spells. The subject of Light magic, thus refers to the study of the detection, dispelling, counterspelling, and disarming of all forms of other magics.”
“And by that definition, it is the single most combative field of magic there is.” Sorecar promptly chimed in with a nod towards the apprentice, almost like he was tag-teaming this opening statement with her; establishing a precedent for the dynamics of the class. “For in order to practice Light Magic, one must be in the presence of an active spell. And in order to truly practice Light Magic, one must be in the presence of active danger, as unlike most forms of magic, unevenness and intensity in casting is key to the successful destabilization of an offending spell.”
“So THAT’S what the fluctuations were.” I thought to myself outloud inside my helmet.
“Moreover—” Sorecar continued, raising his arms into the air once again as if to emphasize his points. “—to the seasoned and the wise, Light Magic as a field is known to be the single most versatile field in existence. For if implemented correctly, it has the capacity to bring all other forms of magic to its knees.”
“Versatility and adaptability are core elements of Light Magic, so while not capable of much harm by itself, it is capable of incredible feats of defense if used correctly.”
To say that I was pleasantly surprised would’ve been an understatement by this point. Because not only was Mal’tory completely out for the count, and not only was he replaced by two of my only cordial relations within the Academy thus far, but the class itself was refreshingly straightforward. There was no mincing around words like Vanavan’s class of lectures, there was also no overt signs of blatant propaganda and indoctrination like in Articord’s class. Instead, this whole class started out with a practical demo of all things, followed up essentially with a breakdown of exactly what we were studying.
“What you observed during the start of class, were just two out of a near-infinite set of examples demonstrating counterspell and dispelling measures, a rather dramatic one I might add but one that you may very well one day use.” The apprentice continued following yet another exchange of nods with Sorecar.
“And indeed, while they may have seemed trivial to the keen-eyed observer, the execution of their dispelling is anything but. Because despite what most misinformed minds may believe regarding counterspelling — dispelling isn’t simply a matter of overpowering an offending spell with a burst of mana, but instead, more akin to the unwinding of a knot, or the picking of a lock. You must act to untangle a spell, until the spell itself falls apart at the seams.” Sorecar continued, before once again swapping the baton with Larial through an exchange of nods.
“Which is exactly why Light Magic continues to be a field forever expanding in its domain.” The apprentice continued. “Because as every other field develops more and more convoluted forms of spells and artificing, so too does Light Magic have to adapt, improvise, and overcome these advanced and oftentimes eclectic means of casting.”
So an arms race… I thought to myself.
“It is, in essence, a pure magic field. Yet it is applied as if it were an applied magical field of study.” Sorecar surmised, prompting me to actually listen in with genuine intent, this marking the first moment I was truly engaged with a class with none of its politics.
“And as for the Mana-Field Perception class?” The apprentice continued with an inquisitive tone of voice. “It’s effectively an extension, or rather, a foundational element of Light Magic depending on how one wishes to view it. Because in order to become proficient in Light Magic, you have to first understand and hone your abilities in order to detect the nuances within mana-streams and mana-fields. It is only through the detection of disruptions and the accurate understanding of a spell being cast, that you are able to apply more advanced abjurations in an attempt to counter these spells. Sometimes even before they’re cast if you’re so inclined to.”
“Now, how many of you can genuinely say you noticed the shift in the room’s aura prior to the casting of that Firestream?” Sorecar asked the crowd, prompting almost every hand to be raised.
“Well that’s just a blatant lie now, isn’t it?” The man retorted bluntly. “I can tell by your reactions just before the Flamespear hit, you know. So please, honestly now, I’m giving you one more chance to answer.”
About three quarters of the class lowered their hands, leaving only the gang, Auris Ping and Qiv’s group, as well as a few other scattered students to maintain their raised hands.
“Alright, that’s about exactly the number I counted from behind the veil! Rightio then!” Sorecar proclaimed through what I could only imagine would’ve been a grin if it wasn’t for his armor. “This is exactly why mana-field perception is necessary. Because to most mages, it is a learned skill rather than an inherent trait. Which, of course, is by no means a demerit! But moreso, a wonderful little oddity in the grander tapestry that is the magical arts and pedagogue!”
The apprentice quickly followed that up with a series of talks once more summarizing the expectations of the class. Mana-field perception was, unsurprisingly, divided into practical and theoretical assessments. Which, at first, seemed to be a potential roadblock, until I realized one fundamental way this class could actually benefit my aims.
“EVI?” I spoke inwardly, as Larial started her lectures on mana-field perception.
“Yes, Cadet Booker?”
“Is there any chance you can maybe interpolate and extrapolate on the Apprentice’s points? As in, is it possible to… visualize magic, as opposed to just alerting me to bursts of it?”
“The mana-radiation visualization project, or MRVP, has been in development for some time, Cadet Booker. The research and development teams however, were unable to create a reliable model for field-use that wouldn’t have been a liability to operations.”
“So it wasn’t field-deployable because of the variance and accuracy issue.”
“Correct, Cadet Booker.”
“Alright, and you said all they needed was more data to create a better model for it, right?”
“Correct, Cadet Booker.”
“Could you… do that with this? Is that within your mission parameters to do so?”
“It is indeed one of the many ongoing projects taking up the bulk of my processing capacity, Cadet Booker. However, proper implementation of this will require additional hardware to be developed, tested, and then field-deployed for testing. The success rate of which is yet to be determined. I cannot guarantee this operation will yield the desired results inferred, Cadet Booker.”
“Alright, that’s good enough for me.” I acknowledged, before turning back to class with a renewed sense of invigoration.
The lecture continued, only stopping about midway as the apprentice realized she’d yet to elaborate on the whole Light Magic class side of things.
Which, it turns out, was more or less similar to Mana-field perception in its assessment criteria — that being a mix of practical and theory assessments. A combination of written exams and practical counterspelling would be expected in tests, midterms, and finals. This would mark my first true hurdle… but then again, perhaps I could balance out the rest of my grades against the practicals which was more or less an impossibility given my obvious human limitations…
“As with most of the classes in the first year, I will treat both periods as one. As both subjects are intertwined, we may see glimpses of both within the same period.” The apprentice continued, before shifting gears towards something else. “And on the topic of periods, since we’re nearing the conclusion of the first, with lunch quickly coming upon us, I believe it to be necessary to inform everyone now of what awaits at the end of this second period.” The apprentice spoke ominously, as she made the effort of meeting every one of the students’ gazes. “By day’s end, I intend for a pair of you to perform a practical demonstration of the fundamentals of light magic. So I expect everyone to pay close attention after lunch.”
A small pause punctuated the room yet again, before Sorecar, after several hours of silence, came to complete the apprentice’s thoughts; his faceplate squeaked to form a shape that just barely gave off the feeling of a smirk.
“Be prepared, and be ready, for your first real brush with magical dueling.”
“First being the operative word here, I must add.” The apprentice quickly clarified. “Within the bounds of demonstrative purposes.”
I could just about hear the band rounding out the corner outside the hall, and I could just about see a few students ready to pack up their things for lunch.
However, before the band could arrive, Thalmin unexpectedly stood up, raising his hand in the process.
“Yes, Prince Thalmin Havenbrock?” The apprentice acknowledged.
“I wish to volunteer as the issuer of this duel, and to designate the other party for this duel as well.”
The apprentice paused, considering this carefully, before nodding. “Granted, though I warn you Prince Havenbrock, this is an introductory demonstration, and will be treated as such. In any case, who would you wish to designate as the other party?”
“Lord Auris Ping.”
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(Author’s Note: And there we have it! Light Magic Theory and Manafield Perception classes are both now in session! This is probably the most fun and engaging class I've written yet, and this is a sentiment that Emma shares as well! I do hope you guys share the sentiment haha as I still think that action is something I still am quite lacking in, in terms of my abilities to properly write and convey it. I hope you guys enjoy! :D The next Two Chapters are already up on Patreon if you guys are interested in getting early access to future chapters!)
[If you guys want to help support me and these stories, here's my ko-fi ! And my Patreon for early chapter releases (Chapter 80 and Chapter 81 of this story is already out on there!)]

I'm not really out for advice on what to do, just wanted to share my experience in a LT 'situationship' as it threw my entire life into turmoil. I've managed to bounce back from it, learned a lot in the process, but it took a lot of introspection and discipline after spending months on an emotional roller coaster. Here's my story:
Last October I came across this Ukrainian 10 in a language forum. She actually reached out to me first, which was surprising as she is a complete stunner, you all know those Slavic beauties, super hot and feminine to the max. Anyway, she took an instant liking to me and in December I flew to her country and we met in person (we're both live in Europe). Instant chemistry and we engaged in the bedroom olympics several times before I returned back home. I was on cloud 7.
Since then it's been two months of bliss followed by three months of emotional turmoil. January and February everything seemed a-okay and I was planning on seeing her again this spring (i.e. now). However even back then a lot of red flags started to pop up, which I initially ignored due to being blinded by her beauty, her extremely sweet nature, and me starting to fall in love (big mistake).
FWIW I played it cool when it comes to texting and never reached out to her first, she was always the one. In the beginning months she wrote me several times a day and I usually responded a short while later. A lot of flirting, hearts, love yous, image swapping, butterflies, and smiles. She simply couldn't get enough of me and kept telling me that she could not imagine life without me. I wasn't following CCW back then and in retrospect I should have been a lot less accessible. First lesson learned.
Then in February I started to notice that she was spending every single weekend with 'her circle friends', spent nights somewhere else, and basically disappeared completely (meaning no contact or just one/two token messages). In the beginning this didn't bother me (I mean I wasn't there), but over I time, week after week, I started wondering if that was normal at her age (29). I wrote it off as cultural difference and only brought it up once or twice. She assured me she was just spending time with 'friends' and she wasn't seeing anyone else. Okay then....
Another huge red flag however was that she didn't make any plans to ever see me again. She kept telling me that her life was just so busy right now (yes yes - CCW covered that) and that she didn't know when she was able to see me again in person. That despite still blowing up my phone every day and telling me how much she adored/cared foloved me. I began to smell a rat, especially given that she was spending every single weekend out of town with her supposed friends.
Third red flag was when she suddenly stopped asking to meet on Zoom, which is what we had been doing every single week after we had met in person. In fact the last time we did a Zoom was in early March, so over two months ago now. Which was the point when her attention and attraction seemed to completely fall off the cliff.
Not surprsingly her texting frequency started to drop steadily. She went from texting me ten times per day or more, to maybe five, then three, and then only mornings and nights (we used to always say good morning and good night). I also noticed that the periods between her texts began to increase steadily. Eventually she took a day or more to respond, which is the situation now. The last time I heard from her was on Friday morning (today is Sunday) and since then she has left me on read.
What aggrevates this mess even more is that whenever she does come back, she's 100% and tells me how much she missed me, that she wants to see me, bla bla bla, you get the idea. It's a long term case of coquetry, where she goes hot and cold, feeding you breadcrumbs as she obviously enjoys he attention. I may be better off with a chatGPT girlfriend as I feel like I'm dealing with an erratic 3-year old.
I could go on but you get the idea. Of course after having followed CCW for several months now (and having read the book 7 times) I realized that I had gotten myself into a lose-lose situation with no prospect of a happy ending. However emotionally speaking I had become so addicted to her attention and erratic hold/cold behavior that I started to experience severe bouts of depression that even began to affect my professional life. First time in my life, so this was deeply disturbing and shocking to everyone who knows me.
Fortunately the more I followed CCW's work (book and videos) the more I realized that I was barking up the wrong tree and that I was guaranteed to get burned in a big way. Despite all that however, letting go emotionally seemed nearly impossible. It literally took me several months of meditation and meeting other women to return me to a sense of inner peace. I'm nearly back to my old centered self but boy, did it take a toll on me.
Quite frankly speaking in my life I have always been spoilt for choice when it comes to meeting and dating beautiful women. I don't think that I'm particularly handsome but I have a charming/edgy personality that seems to somehow attract hot girls (no idea why honestly - LOL). Meaning that this was not the first time I had been with a 9 or 10. But for some reason this one girl turned out to be my siren call, she was my kryptonite.
On the plus side: I learned a lot from this experience, especially after having been in a long term relationship for over a decade with someone very easy going and caring. Honestly I was completely unprepared for this experience as I had been out of the game for such a long time. However what I learned about women, today's dating culture, and most importantly about myself will be invaluable moving forward.
Speaking of the future: I'm sure she'll be in touch again after the weekend, at some point. Maybe it'll take a week, maybe two, but she usually comes back with some lame excuse. This time around I'll take my time to respond and my perspective moving forward is to let it die on the vine so to say. Unless she begs me to meet her in person again and I see her do a complete 180 it's over for me. The odds of that happening are maybe 1% TBH.
Yes I could just tell her it's over and not to contact me again. But per CCW it's never smart to burn a bridge. Maybe I'll be in her country in a year or two and you never know what happens.
TL;DR: Don't ever get yourself into a LD relationship, UNLESS there is a mutual plan to be together in the same location in the near term future. It's okay to travel to another country and plant your flag, but don't ever let yourself fall in love. You will get burned.
BIggest lesson learned: No matter how solid you think you are, no matter how many times you Read Da Book, there is a woman out there somewhere who can still run rings around you. There are no exceptions, never ever let your guard down, especially if you find yourself falling in love.
P.S.: And yes of course she's been seeing someone else, probably the entire time. I was just too emotionally wrapped up to see it or admit it to myself.