Hi, I've been trying to remember this book I read but can't seem to find it anywhere.
It's a coming of age book that didn't feel quite like a romance, but instead is a character study on the main character, a pretty average high school boy. He has a very close friendship with his longterm best friend. The book follows his self-realization with his sexuality, and his crush on aforementioned best friend, while he deals with internalized homophobia as well as homophobia from his family / peers. I think the two friends had a bigger friend group of boys but the two were obviously the closest within them.
I think the cover had the main character on it, and maybe some reference to train tracks? It was very much a young adult / teen book. In my memories it was set in a smaller town but I don't know how true that is. The version of the book i read was paperback.
I think either he ends up confessing his sexuality (and also crush?) to his best friend, who doesn't reciprocate those feelings. I think that there is a bittersweet ending where his best friend accepts him but he knows his friendship will never quite be the same.
Again it was very much not a romance, but a coming-of-age story. It was set in contemporary times, in the 2010’s- which was also when i read it, probably 2015-2018
thanks in advance!

So I'm AFAB, but I identify as Non-binary and use they/them. As one can guess, I experience gender dysphoria basically on the daily about looking too feminine and constantly being misgendered (doesn't help that I go to an all-girl school lol). To combat this, I usually dress very masculine, in a way that if it wasn't for my long hair, you'd probably assume I'm a boy (No dresses skirts, feminine blouses, wearing a tux/suit to formal events). Recently I got a very short haircut which makes me look very masculine, and at first I was very excited about it, but today I was referred to as 'sir' and 'young man' for the first time, and I was kind of surprised to feel the same wave of dysphoria that I feel being called 'Miss' or 'young lady.' I feel like I'll never be androgynous enough to stop feeling bad about myself, and that kinda sucks. I don't really know what to do now.

Just warning y'all, this is gonna be really long... I'm trying to give as much context as I can for better understanding. And another warning, I mention some things about weight and feeling insecure about it. Not anything too bad, but just so you know. Anyways. I'm AFAB, and I've used the label genderfluid since 2019, but now as I'm getting older and allowing myself to explore my gender identity without feeling ashamed, I don't know if I'm really genderfluid, or transgender, or what. I just would like to know what label this sounds like to y'all? And I KNOW I don't Have to use a label, I just want to know or get some other peoples thoughts on it, because I'm really confused and don't know what is really going on with me. So basically, I've been identifying as a woman for a long time, since it's my assigned gender at birth. But in 2019, I really just learned about LGBTQ and all of the labels and meanings, and I found that Genderfluid fit me best. That some days I felt like a boy, some days I felt like a girl, some days I felt like neither, or both, whatever. But I think I kinda forgot about it, and I just identified as a woman again. And then in 2020, I thought I might be trans, as I wanted to be everything male. I wanted to dress that way, look that way, have a different name and haircut and pronouns and all of that. And I was ALOT happier that way, and I felt more comfortable, but also not at the same time because of my chest. I've wanted a binder for a VERY long time, and I didn't have one till just THIS year, and so whenever I dressed how I wanted to in 2020, I just looked like a guy with a big bust and it repulsed me, so I really just tried to be male online with my friends mostly? Since I didn't look like one in real life, I felt like I was embarrassing myself, y'know? :( And in 2021, I just went by agender, because I didn't feel like being anything. But also that year, I was really depressed, so I think maybe I just didn't wanna have to stress about my gender too. Anyways, in 2023 I went into a relationship with somebody, and I was identifying as a woman at that point, so I kinda subconsciously hyperfeminized myself so I could be their "perfect" girlfriend, even though they didn't want me to do that. I kinda tried way too hard that year 💀 We broke up in November that year, and after that, I've been exploring my gender again. I realized there wasn't really a need to be so feminine, and I started to like Harry Potter for the first time! My favorite character was Ron Weasley, and I started to really like his character, and the actor himself. I really admired the way he dressed when he was younger, and at that point, I decided that I should start dressing the way I REALLY want to. So I got the money for new clothes, AND A BINDER! And I finally got to dress the way I've wanted for so long, and I was so happy. It was the happiest and best I've ever felt and looked in so long. I felt just like a boy. But, I also felt dysphoric for the first time in a while, because I had my long dark brown hair still. I didn't feel like I really looked like a boy enough because of it. And I debated cutting my hair, but I thought I was just really liking that Rupert Grint guy too much, and I only was acting that way because of him. Sometimes I really like a character or celebrity and I kind of accidentally subconsciously take on some things that they do, and the way they dress. But I eventually completely stopped liking Harry Potter, and I still wanted that haircut, so I did it. And I really tried to give myself a gender neutral/androgynous haircut, so if I felt like a girl again, I wouldn't regret the haircut. I had that haircut, and I dressed the way I wanted to, and I felt incredible. It's the most confident I've ever felt in my life, but then my hair started to grow out, and I looked more girly again, and I couldn't take it. So I had another haircut, this time inspired by Chino Moreno, the lead singer of my favorite band ever, Deftones. I got hairgel, and now I go out with my spiked hair, baggy jeans with boxers showing, baggy band shirt, my sneakers, and a ton of bracelets and cuffs. This is JUST how I have ALWAYS wanted to dress. I feel like a boy, and I'm so happy. But now I'm really getting to the point now, that's all of the context I had to say first. I've recently caught myself thinking "I can't wait to get top surgery one day." Which, I am DEFINITELY doing. But then I started thinking... what's next after that? Am I just gonna be me with a flat male looking chest, or am I gonna want to go more into it? (As in taking testosterone.) because I also catch myself dreaming about the day I'm old enough to take it. But does that mean I'm trans then? Because, I do like the idea of looking like a woman... But I also don't at all at the same time. I only like the idea od looking like a girl, I guess. Like a young girl. (Because I grew up as a little young girl who wore dresses and bows and did sweet things, I just feel most comfortable being a girl that way, related to my childhood. I don't like the idea of being a girl grown up getting a job, a relationship, a LIFE, ETC.) It's really confusing. And, my mom got nervous when I brought up top surgery though (and she 100% supports me though) because she was worried I would regret it when I do feel like a woman again. And I think that even if I do feel like a woman again one day, I can just be a woman with a flat chest ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯. But also, for the first time maybe ever in my life, I've started to get insecure over my weight. I think that when I was identifying/presenting myself as a woman, I just accepted that I was a bit big, because I was curvy and women are curvy sometimes and that was it. I've always been a little insecure over it, but I've also always been very scared to lose weight, because I'm scared that it'll go out of control and I'd get an eating disorder or something. Which is probably just a really weird thought, but I worry about alot of weird things. Anyways, I think the reason it's really bothering me now is because I want to look like a man. Not a big curvy woman with boobs and hips and love handles and a butt, I want to be a fully flat man. I'm flat in the chest at least with my binder, but I feel disgusted whenever I have to see my hips or behind though. Not necessarily because they're big, but because I'm supposed to be a man. It makes me feel so dysphoric. I just don't understand what is going on with me. Am I just a heavily confused genderfluid person? Am I really just a girl?? Am I transgender, and I only liked being a girl when I was younger, but not as an adult??? Is that even a thing????? I just need advice, or opinions, or somebody to help out and tell me what labels this could be, or what is wrong with me, or something. Please. Thanks in advance, and I'm sorry for the very very long post.
TL;DR. I don't know if I am a transgender male, or just a really confused genderfluid person.

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/justathrowaway282641
Originally posted to TwoHotTakes + her own page
Previous BoRU #1, BoRU #2, BoRU #3, BoRU #4, BoRU #5, BoRU 6
Editor’s Note: removed all relevant comments from older posts to make space for new updates. To see all older relevant comments, check out the previous BoRUs above
NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----
[New Update]: My family forgot to invite me to my grandparents funeral, but they are convinced I was there.
Trigger Warnings: death of loved ones, emotional manipulation, gaslighting, harassment
RECAP
Original Post: November 14, 2023**
I’m 30s F and caused a major blowup in my family and now none of them are talking to me. For background, my hometown is tiny (500pop) and when I went 2 hrs away to “the city” (15,000pop) for college, I loved it. I ended up staying after graduation, got married, and am happy here for a decade. I visit my home town every few weeks or so, call/text my family near daily, and thought we were all good. My family’s pretty small. Just my brother, mom, step dad, dad, step mom, and an aunt and uncle (mom’s siblings, never married, no kids). My mother's grandparents moved to my home town when I was in high school and were just down the street from us. My family has always been pretty drama free (aside from my parent’s divorce when I was a kid) and we’ve been happy. The step-parents were blended in perfectly and we share holidays and celebrations together. We’re all super close and just the perfect little group.
Ever since I moved away, the topic of “when am I moving back?” is constant, and I’ve always laughed it off. My home town has nothing. You have to drive 30 minutes for milk and bread. 60-90 minute one-way commutes to work. And floods shut down the main road every Easter. I love the town, but I love here more. I have parks, stores, community events, a library! The “city” is great. My family grumbles that I need to move back, but I refuse. I've been trying to encourage them to come here, especially since it's not an hour drive to the nearest medical facility.
Now to the meat and potatoes: both my grandparents passed over COVID times. They were both old and their health had been failing for a while so it was only a matter of time. Thankfully they didn’t catch it, but it made visiting them impossible and we survived mostly through FaceTime. They both passed in their sleep months apart. Both were cremated and kept securely under the kitchen sink for safe keeping while the pandemic blew over. That was 2021.
Well, I just found out my family held a funeral for them and scattered the ashes in my uncle’s maple grove over the summer. No one said a word to me about it. I’ve visited numerous times before and after and not one word. I only found out because my great uncle from California posted on Facebook a few weeks ago that he is entering hospice and was so thankful his health stayed strong enough for him to see his little sister (my grandma) to her final resting place. I was confused and called my mom. She was all “Yeah, the funeral we had in July, remember?” Ya’ll, I visited them for the 4th of July. They did the funeral the 8th. Not a word about it to me. They had planned this for months. Long enough to arrange for my infirm great uncle to be brought over from the other side of the country. Apparently, they talked about it “all the time”.
Everyone is convinced I was at the funeral. They SWEAR I was there. I can prove I wasn’t because Google’s got my location history. My hubby is baffled because he was supposedly there, too, but he had to work every weekend in June and July. Time clock doesn’t lie. My family straight up forgot about me. I’m hurt. I’m sad. And they’re pissed at me “for lying”. They think I’m causing drama over nothing. Nothing I say can convince them I wasn’t there. My family is united in this. And they’ve all put me “on read” until I admit I’m wrong. They think I’ve gone nuts. Either there’s a doppelganger of me attending events, or my family doesn’t want to admit they screwed up. I’m not backing down.
Thanksgiving is coming up, and my family’s been vague posting on Facebook about “forgetful kids” and mental health. It’s so freaking weird and I don’t know if I’m in bizzaro world or what’s going on. My mom’s best friend reached out and said I should just admit I was wrong and apologize, that I’m causing my mom so much unnecessary stress. I asked her if she’s checked everyone’s home for CO2. She hung up on me. (We checked our CO2, and our testers are running just fine.) I have reached out to a few people in my home town to check in on my folks, and they all say they're fine. I even spoke with the local volunteer fire fighter group to see if they could check for gas leaks. Not sure if they were able to.
I don’t know what to do. I’ve shown them the proof I wasn’t there, but they know I’m tech savvy and just assume I’ve Photoshopped it. Hubby says we need a break, and we’re going to be staying home this holiday season.
Edit: I don't know the update rules, so I'll post updates to my profile should anyone want them.  
Update #1: November 27, 2023
Not sure how to do updates on posts, so figured I'd post anything on my profile. Folks have private messaged me and this will be easier I think?
It's 11/27 and Thanksgiving just happened. Hubby and I stayed home. We got a small turkey and made our own little thanksgiving. It was nice. We ate around noon, then watched a movie, and later sat outside with a bottle of wine to watch the sun set behind the trees and neighbor houses.
We usually take the day before off, drive to my folks, stay the night, and help with the Thanksgiving Day cooking. So it wasn't until Wednesday night that my mom broke the silence. Mom called and asked when I was showing up, and I told her we were staying home this year, but for them to have a happy Thanksgiving, and to give the rest of the family my love. She was quiet for a long time after I said that, and I think she eventually mumbled an "okay", or something, and hung up. It wasn't an angry hang up. Just a hang up. On Thanksgiving day, I sent a group "Happy Thanksgiving!" gif to our family group chat. I received a few "happy Thanksgiving"'s back. No one's said anything else. There's been no posts on Facebook.  
Update #2: December 12, 2023
So, I think I mentioned in one of my comments that my dad and I usually talk on the phone every Sunday morning. We're both early risers so we'd chat over our morning coffees and watch the sunrise. Him and I haven't really spoken since this all went down and it's been tough. I'm used to talking to him, you know?
Well, I was sitting outside in my usual spot, watching the sun rise and freezing my butt off, and he called me. I'm not entirely sure how to describe the emotions I felt. It was a mix of panic, hope, terror, happiness, and dread. I ended up answering because I just had to know what he wanted. It was an awkward conversation. He didn't address the current "drama", but instead tiptoed around the situation with all the grace of an cow on stilts. For instance, a simple "How are you doing?" Type question was answered with a "Not good." And the whole conversation would stall out for a bit because he knew why I wasn't doing well. So we ended up talking about the weather, the various winter birds we'd seen in our feeders, and the Christmas decorations around town. Things like that.
Eventually he asked if we were coming out for Christmas, and sounded sad when I told him we weren't. He asked if him and step mom could come visit us instead, and I told him it wasn't a good idea this year. That hubby and I were going to spend a quiet holiday together. I let him know he should be receiving some gifts at his PO Box any day now, so to please pick them up from the post office and put them under the family tree for everyone. He said he'd ship ours to us as well.
And that was pretty much it. No crazy drama to report. The only posts on Facebook have been the usual Christmas excitement ones, countdowns, photos of Santa, silly gift ideas, photos of company Christmas parties.
On a personal note: Hubby and I are doing alright. Our health is good, our spirits high, and we're as solid as ever. We each got Christmas bonus' at our jobs, so we're excited about that. They're not large, but we're happy to have them. We have also done advent calendars for the first time ever. I got him a Lego one, and he got me a hot chocolate one. We're going to do the calendars again next year. Maybe make a tradition out of it.
Everyone please have a safe and happy holidays.  
Inheritance: December 16, 2023
I've received a lot - A LOT - of messages and private DMs urging me to check into inheritance and such. I'm really touched a lot of Internet strangers are worried about me and I wanted to ensure everyone that inheritance is most likely not an issue here. I'd almost be relieved if it was, because then it would at least make some sense. Money does weird things to people, you know?
No one in my family is wealthy by any means. After my grandparents' passed, their small estate was used to pay for their end of life expenses and remaining assets split up. Everyone directly related got an equal split (so excluded my dad and the step parents). I don't remember the exact amount I received, but it was around $5k if I recall. My brother gave me his share, too, so I could finish paying off my college debt while the interest freeze was active.
The great uncle from California has kids and grand kids, and great grandkids of his own, and also isn't wealthy. I think one of his kids makes good money doing something in finance, but I'm not entirely sure. I can't imagine he left us anything, as we hardly knew him. My mom, aunt, and uncle only met him a few times in their lives, and my brother and I even less. Grandma and him were close, but I don't think he liked my grandpa much.  
Christmas: December 25, 2023
I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. I've received a lot of support through my posts and I'm really grateful. Writing these updates have had a therapeutic effect.
Yesterday was Sunday, but I didn't answer my dad when he called. I just really didn't feel up to a pointless chat, so let it go to voicemail. He tried to reach me a few times throughout the day, but I didn't answer.
Our bestie last minute invited us over to his house for Christmas day lunch (today), so husband and I were busy all Christmas Eve making cookies, peanut brittle, and homemade suckers/hard candies for his kids. Mom tried to reach out as well, but I also ignored her calls.
We had a BLAST at lunch! Our friend's kids are a lot of fun to be around. They got some techy presents from their grandparents (Quest vr headset and steam decks, lucky little rascals) Friend and his wife aren't good with tech, while hubby and I are, so we helped get them set up while our friend played a good host to his folks and inlaws. The grandparents didn't realize that a Steam deck required a Steam account, so we got the kids all their own accounts set up, added them to our steam friends lists, and gifted them some games. We also bought them a few VR games for their headset, and they were off to the races with Beat Saber in no time.
As for my folks: My brother texted and asked if we could talk sometime tomorrow. I think me ignoring mom and dad has caused some kind of upset. Which they deserve.  
Brother’s call: December 26, 2023
Spoke with my brother over the phone this morning.
For starters, he apologized for everything. Him and I are good (for now). For a bit of background, my brother and I are only 2 years apart. There weren't a lot of kids around growing up, so the two of us were often stuck doing stuff together. So we have a lot of shared interests and passions. He's been pretty silent on this whole matter, but still "part of the group", if you know what I mean. I think the thought of losing him out of my life was probably the most painful, because he's always been there. He was my rock until I met my husband. He's definitely a Mama's boy, though, so anything mom wanted, he made sure she got. I'm happy to have him back.
Without further ado, here's the story from the horse's mouth:
Mom apparently had a cancer scare late last year (which no one told me about, go figure), and dad had a stint put in his heart back in January (which I did know about). This "sense of mortality" has apparently lit a fire under Mom's ass to get me back home. But since I wasn't reacting to her passive aggressive hinting, she and step mom decided to go full crazy. My great uncle's health was bad, and he'd been asking about funeral arrangements for his sister (my grandma) for a while, so the moms decided to plan it. And use the event as a giant middle finger to me. They kept all the planning pretty hush-hush between the two of them, so no one on our side of the family actually knew about the funeral until like 2 weeks before. The moms said they'd invited hubby and I. No one thought anything about it. No one thought to mention, confirm, or check with me.
The plan was to scatter the ashes, say a few words, and maybe head to town for lunch. It was a small affair. The mom's didn't even tell the family that our great uncle was coming for it. Like I said, it was a small thing. Barely a footnote. No one thought it was odd because we're pretty chill people.
4th of July happens. Hubby and I are out. No one thought to mention it, as we were all busy celebrating and having a great time. Any time the topic of "this weekend" would start, the conversation would be quickly shifted by one of the moms. We went back home.
8th of July happens. Great uncle rolls into town with a few of his kids, grandkids, and great grandkids, and it's a surprise to everyone (but the moms). Everyone drives to the maple grove and the moms have brought a ton of food and stuff. It's a full blown party. No one on my side noticed I wasn't there, because there were so many extra faces outside the usual group. They did the spreading of the ashes, they said their words, they ate, they had a great time. It wasn't until our great uncle left, and all his side left with him, that they realized I wasn't there. And hadn't been there.
And this is where the crazy went up a notch. My brother says the moms were happy no one noticed I wasn't there. And that this was proof to everyone that I needed to move back because I was so easily forgotten about. Because none of them thought to reach out, right? They basically did a ton of guilt tripping manipulation bullshit and it made everyone upset at me for not showing up. Somehow it was my fault for being excluded. So suddenly everyone was on their side with "sticking it to me".
But then a few months went by, and tempers cooled, and then I guess the horror of it set in. Followed by the shame, but by then they were "in too deep". How do you undo something like this? And since I hadn't brought it up, I guess they figured they would all just stay quiet about it and hope I never asked about a funeral.
That's when I discovered the situation from my great uncle's Facebook and called my mom, who panicked and went with the stupidest solution. Claiming I was there. Don't I remember?
I ended up talking with a few friends from high school, mentioning the situation, and word got back to those in town. So suddenly town gossip and little old church ladies got involved. Was I, or wasn't I at the funeral? Did my family forget to invite me to the funeral of the only grandparents I'd ever know? Or am I just causing a ruckus? My brother said they all just went with mom's answer. Of course they wouldn't forget me. Of course I was there. Of course they're good people. And it just snowballed.
The family expected me to eventually fold. I'm usually a nonconfrontational person, so me sticking to my guns was unexpected. And then I missed Thanksgiving. And now Christmas. With no sign of backing down. And I guess the realization that I could just stop being part of their lives is setting in and my parents are panicking. He's tried just getting them to apologize and explain, but stubbornness prevails. They want to rug sweep, but I'm not letting them.
My brother is upset with everything that's happened. He's realized just how crappy it all has been and he wants nothing to do with it anymore. But since he lives with my mom, he can't "get away from it".
He has asked if he can come stay with us for a little bit. I spoke with hubby, and he's in agreement with me that my brother can come crash in our spare bedroom for as long as he wants. Brother works remotely, so it's no trouble for him to pick up and go. I believe he's making the trip today or tomorrow. Not entirely sure, but I expect crap to hit the fan when he arrives.
On a side note, hubby's stoked that my brother and I made up. The two usually game together, but haven't due to "the situation". He's downstairs right now setting up his man cave in preparation for my brother's arrival. I'm happy to see him so excited.  
Brother's Here: December 27, 2023
My brother rolled in late last night. He'd obviously been crying and when I opened the door, he just held me and sobbed. I'd never seen him like that before and soon both of us were just standing in the doorway crying into one another. He kept apologizing. Over and over again. Said he wasn't sure why he went with it. Just kept saying sorry. Hubby got him all set up in the spare bedroom while brother and I talked. My brother's a wreck. He's always been a big guy, but he's lost a lot of weight and his clothes just hang off him. If I didn't know better, I'd think he was on drugs. We talked for a little bit before bed and he re-explained everything for my husband. I'd told hubby the story, but it was just so weird that hearing it again helped.
This morning my brother was up at dawn making some coffee and getting his work day going. Hubby's off all week (lucky) so hubby made us working folk some pancakes and bacon. So far everything's peaceful. We've decided not to answer any calls from our family. They've been made aware that he arrived safely, and that we are going to spend the New Years together, and that we're not answering any calls until January 1st. They may text if they wish. I'm sure they're losing their minds. Serves them right.
Everyone, have a safe and happy new years! Don't drink and drive!  
Happy 2024!: January 2, 2024
I hope everyone has a safe and enjoyable holidays, and may the new year be full of joy and happiness!
Not too much of an update. Things here have been quiet. My brother's settled in nicely and he's a great housemate. Our place isn't very big, but we have full basement and a nice outside patio/porch area so it doesn't feel crowded at all with the extra addition. He's a quiet and clean guy. No hassle at all. He got some fresh clothes from the Walmart, a haircut, and trimmed his beard, so he's more "presentable" now. He's a lady killer when he gets cleaned up. He's made nice with the (very nosy, but kind) retired couple next door and is adapting to "city living" nicely.
Folks back home have been mostly well behaved. There's been a few texts back and forth, as we're not answering calls. Mom mainly wants to know when brother's coming back, but he's keen on staying here for a while. Mom said I can't "keep him" and I told her he's a grown ass man and can do what he wants. Brother says he has her blocked after she ORDERED him to return home.
Brother has tentatively asked if he could stay long term, should he decide to, or at least longer than a usual visitor would stay. Which we're fine with. He has a good paying job and could afford an apartment, but he's never lived on his own and I would guess he has some anxiety about it. Should that be the case, he'll start paying us some rent and we'd probably adjust to give him the basement as his own space.  
Had to change the locks: January 17, 2024
My brother is officially staying with us for the long haul. Hubby and him spent all Sunday organizing the basement and shifting things around so he now has his own area to be comfortable in. He's pretty handy and has also started fixing little things around our house. Our windows and doors have never closed and locked/unlocked smoother. He even fixed one of the closets we never use because we can never get the darn door open. Sadly, he also had to change the locks on our house and get us all new keys.
This is because while hubby and I were out this Saturday, the moms showed up. They'd been calling and texting us all week, but we weren't really answering them, so I guess the two decided to drive over and hash it out in person. They have emergency keys to my place, and just let themselves in. Brother told them to leave, they argued, and my nosy (but kind) neighbors called the police when they noticed the commotion. So, we get a call from neighbor's wife, return home to some cops in our yard, all the neighbors out "vacuuming their trees", and my nosy (but kind) neighbors standing on my porch with my brother behind them, doing their best Gandalf "You shall not pass" impression.
Had to talk with the cops, explain that we were having a family dispute and word vomited. I don't really remember what all I said, and was shaking a lot. Our local cops are really great. Fantastic guys and gals in blue, and took it all in stride. It's really cold here, so one had me join him in his cruiser with the heat on, and gave me a bottle of water to calm down while we talked. They asked if we wanted the moms trespassed but I wasn't sure if that counted as a criminal charge so just asked the cops if they could just make them leave, which the cops did with no fuss. I think the moms were shocked we were taking this so seriously. They didn't fight or scream at us. Just left quietly.
My dad promised me he'd make sure his wife left us alone. "Or else". He said he'd also have a stern talk with my mom. Him and I talked Sunday morning, and he seemed absolutely at the end of his rope. Husband jokingly told my dad he could move in, too. To which he declined.
Not sure where to go from here, but we're getting some ring cameras installed once they arrive. And everyone but my dad is blocked. Hopefully they all just leave us alone.  
Nothing New To Report: February 2, 2024
Had a lot of DMs for updates, but don't have much anything to report on. The moms are behaving themselves. All's quiet on the western front. Felt weird ignoring or copy/pasting "no updates" to everyone, so here's what we've been doing, should anyone care.
Dad got a new bird/squirrel feeder from Amazon (looks like a little picnic table for a child's dolly but has a mesh top for the bird seed. I think it's supposed to be for chickens?) It's totes adorbs. To his horror, it also works as a Cooper hawk feeder, so now he's "fortifying his defenses" and putting up some trellises around it. He'll have to wait till warmer weather before planting anything to grow on them.
We had some ring cameras installed and put in a motion-activated camera that double functions as a light bulb. It goes in the light fixture outside the front door and is pretty cool. Video quality isn't all that great, but it's a nice addition I guess. It does overlook the bird feeders, so I've been watching it on my lunch breaks on the days I have to go into the office.
Hubby and brother are feuding. They started a coop farm in Stardew Valley a few days ago and they both want to romance Leah. My husband confided in me that he's also been romancing Sebastian as a backup. I'm not sure why he's keeping this a secret, but he's pretty smug about it.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
fractal_frog I hope your dad can outsmart the hawks!

OOP: He'll be able to, I just know it. He's used to dealing with the wildlife and having hawks about, but he just wasn't expecting one to snag a meal right from his new feeder.
I told him it was "technically" still a bird feeder. Just....for bigger birds. Which he thought was funny. He said he might make a little "no hawks allowed" sign to put up next to it.

MissOP: keep the updates coming. the moms are so close to folding it's just a little bit more. LMAO also, the bro mance between your husband and brother is so cute. lol Honestly, I think your husband making sure he has a side piece of Sebastian is absolutely the play.

OOP: So far still no word from the moms, but I hope you're right. I would love an apology and for us to begin moving past this. But I NEED that apology. I feel selfish saying that, but I refuse to "be the bigger person" on this. I just won't.
As for my brother and husband, yeah, they're basically soul mates. The two hit it off immediately when they first met, and they've been thick as thieves for years.  

Update: February 27, 2024
My dad came out for a visit over the weekend. We had a good time and the weather was lovely for some grilling and beers. It was really nice to see him again and he seemed healthy and in good spirits.
Here's his report from back home: Step mom (dad's wife) has started to realize she's screwed up. I credit her change of mindset to the fact that my dad sat her down and laid it out for her: she leaves his kids alone, or she's getting divorce papers. That apparently shut her up right quick, because they had a prenup done when they married and I'm not sure the details of it, but it wouldn't end favorably for her. She hasn't worked in years, so I imagine she'd be eligible for alimony? But I'm not versed in any of that legal mumbojumbo. Dad didn't seem too worried about it, so I'm not gonna worry about it.
Step dad was pissed the police were involved in the last "mom visit" (despite no one getting arrested or anything) and was in a "the kids are out of control and need to be reigned back in" mindset. When my dad pointed out that "the kids" in question were all in their mid-30s, it took some of the steam out of stepdad's sails. According to my dad, even my mom looked a little surprised when he said that. So, part of me is wondering if a good chunk of this whole thing is my mom not truly realizing that her kids were grown, and no longer children she could make demands of. Both of the moms have left us alone. I expected my mom to continue to kick up a fuss, but I think the cops spooked her.
There was a wonderful suggestion by a comment or to get their pastor involved, which I passed along to my dad. Dad has since spoken to their pastor about everything. He's a young guy, relatively new to their church, and joked that his first month on the job he had to do 3 funerals in a row and his new "flock" were just dying to get away from him, so he's got a sense of humor which is nice. The new pastor agreed to sit down with everyone and help the family hash it all out in a true "Come to Jesus" type moment next month, so that maybe we could celebrate Easter together as our first holiday as a family. Dad said the pastor was aware our family was having some troubles, but unsure of exactly what was going on, and since he was new, the pastor didn't want to pry. He has also agreed to do a small service down at my uncle's maple grove later in the summer, as it usually floods and is a muddy mess all spring. According to my dad, my aunt and uncle are so over all the drama and just ready to move on, so I expect hugs and apologies from them when we next meet.
Stardew Valley Update: My brother was victorious in the grand fight for Leah. It was a hard battle. Well fought. When my husband exposed his plans to woo Sebastian all this time, it was quite the betrayal. Dramatics aside, their farm is really cute and I'm so happy they're enjoying the game!  
Update 4/1 - Final one I think - April 1, 2024
Happy April Fools everyone! I hope you all check your caramel apples for stray onions before taking a bite! I also hope your Easter weekend was a delightful one.
It is with great joy that I tell you all about our most recent update! Possibly even a conclusion to this whole ordeal.
The entire family (aunt, uncle, moms, dads, brother, me, husband) and pastor met at my dad's house and we all sat down to hash the situation out. As expected from what my dad said, my aunt and uncle greeted us all with apologies and hugs, which was nice. My uncle usually helps host the Easter egg hunts with the church and he brought our Easter baskets to give to us in case us kids weren't sticking around the for the weekend. I'm not sure why but seeing it made me tear up and feel stupid, because it was just a basket of candy but it meant a lot to me for some reason.
The pastor led us in a prayer and talked about forgiveness and such. He then asked us all to talk one at a time about how we're feeling and what we want the end result of today to be. No one was allowed to interrupt so everyone got to talk. It was nice. The consensus for the group was that most everyone wanted things to go back to "normal". The only ones who had any variance off this was my mom and step dad. They both wanted all us kids to move back to the area.
The pastor asked them why they wanted us back, and neither could give a good reason other than "because family", and the pastor asked us if we were thriving where we were. And we said we were. He asked if we were happy there. Which we were. He then asked my mom and step dad if they wanted us to give up our happiness to make them happy.
And Mom broke down and said no. We all had a good cry. The pastor then asked about the funeral and lies that led up to it and followed it and how it made us all feel and what we wished we'd done differently if we had the chance. It was all very emotional, but in a good way, you know? Everyone apologized and admitted they f-ed up and did a really crappy thing.
We all talked for a long, long time and the pastor was a great mediator. Eventually we all reached some sort of resolution and I think we're good now. Emotions are still high and a little raw in areas, but we stayed for Easter weekend and had a nice time. We're going to keep moving forward slowly and try to repair the relationship, but I believe we're well and truly out of the woods.
As for my brother, he's still staying with us, and mom will stop trying to guilt trip him back home. He's thinking about renting a small apartment in our area but we're not pushing him to make a decision. He knows he's welcome to stay as long as he wants. I think he wants to try dating (he's had a few girlfriends but never anything serious) and is embarrassed to bring any girls around our place, lol. He's been going to a few random classes/bookclubs at the local library for something free to do and hitting it off with all the little old ladies who attend, and they keep trying to hook him up with girls his age who they know. He has been on a few lunches/coffee dates with a couple girls, but I think he's too embarrassed by the attention to give it a real try at "dating" any of them. He's happy, though, which is all I could ask for.
I'm not sure if there will be any more updates, as I think it's all be resolved about as much as it can be at the moment. I wanted to thank you all for your words of advice and giving me a place to vent and scream into the void. Please be kind to one another and to yourselves. Thank you.
Relevant Comments
emjkr: What a nice and hopeful update, I’m really glad you stuck to your guns when everyone threw sanity out the window!
But, could your mother explain how she thought this would work out in her favour?

OOP: I don't think mom thought too far ahead. I believe she assumed it would all just magically work out the way she wanted it to. She said she wasn't sure what she was expecting to happen (which I think was a lie, but I wasn't going to push it).

mak_zaddy: This was a great update! But ummmmmm no stardew valley update? What gives? Has Sebastian been woo’ed? How’s Leah? What’s happening?

OOP: Sebastian has indeed been wooed (and whoohooed) There's kids and cows and chickens. The two are still having a wonderful time at the game. They're working on completing the community center but it's slow going as they aren't trying to speedrun and just doing things as they want. I believe they're thinking about going into the desert mines once they complete that bundle, but they're both super chicken shit about it!

-my-cabbages: I don't really understand what you had to apologize for ... but I'm glad you're happy and the situation seems to be settling down

OOP: There wasn't much of an apology on my end, as everyone agreed I had done nothing wrong. Mine was more of a "I'm sorry you didn't feel as though I would listen." Type apology, which I don't really believe is a proper apology because apologies like that push the blame back on another. I mostly expressed my feelings and the shock of it all, and how betrayed I felt.  

----NEW UPDATE----

Small, happy update: May 7, 2024 (1 month later)
Things as wonderful as the moment. Still doing baby steps with The Moms. We're texting and talking on the phones more, which is nice. Very civil.
Dad "accidentally" bought a bunch of hand crafted bird feeders at a craft fair. By accidentally, I mean: he had a little too much fun in the beer tent, went for a stroll while step mom wasn't looking, and stumbled upon a guy's booth and bought "one of each". He wouldn't tell me how MANY "one of each" was, but he cackled like a witch when I asked. Step mom said she's forcing him to give a few to me, so I'm expecting a delivery or a Dad-visit any day now.
My brother is officially "going steady" with a girl. We've met her a few times and she seems like a real sweetheart. She's our age and has a little boy (5-6 years old, I haven't asked) from a previous relationship (The dad's not in the picture from what I can gather). She's the granddaughter of one of his Book Club members, so the old ladies made good match makers in the end. The relationship is still very new and I'm routing for them.
No new Stardew Valley updates. Work has been a little crazy lately and I haven't been able to play much of anything, and brother has been distracted by his new lady friend. So, husband finally started Baldur's Gate 3, and fell for Gale's "magic trick" so now those two are a thing. I expect him to be sufficiently distracted from reality for the next few weeks.
 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I'm looking for a short children's paperback novel I read about 10-12 years ago in elementary school in Canada. I believe it came out in 2000-2010 probably. It was about a young boy going to learn magic from this old magician who lived in a cottage. The old magician wasn't very good at magic and was going to be kicked out of this guild and the boy had to help this old magician learn magic again. I'm trying to find books I read as a kid but I've looked everywhere and can't find this one.

It was a game that had like... 5? 4? chapters? basically you are a guy/girl that wakes up as a "god" calls you and are the only one in the world that can build/create. Like the only one that can build a house, create a torch, etc. as i said, i dont remember the name, but i feel that it is not lost, as i remember having a copy of the game (which is lost) and i remember playing it on the nintendo switch. probably lauched 2016 or before/after, as i remember seeing it on other platforms. i cant remember how the game looked mostly, but i remember it having a cartoonish/3d look. Other things i can remember were you could build a town, had levels, craftable weapons and more. that's all i can remember, if someone knows the game or remembers it too, please comment.

Hey folks, taking my two boys (6&8) to their first in arena viewing party. Just wondering if I am allowed to bring a small duffle bag into the arena? Are we allowed to bring their water bottles/snacks? Really excited to experience playoff hockey with them at the arena, the last time I was there was in 2010 vs the kings in round 1. Let’s go Canucks!!!

It's pretty well-established that law enforcement doesn't share every single detail of an unsolved crime to the general public. Sometimes they hold back huge breakthroughs because they're working on building a case.
Which specific case do you think they're "holding back" huge information on?
I've been on a deep-dive of Asha Degree's disappearance and I am convinced law enforcement knows a LOT more than they're sharing.
I was initially drawn to this case because - outside of the obvious mystery of a 9 year-old walking along the side of the highway in the middle of the night - I was intrigued by the fact that the Degree parents weren't suspects...at all. They were the last to see her, they have an alibi that involves one of them leaving the house in the middle of the night, and the only way to confirm their alibi was with each other. And yet investigators (local police, state police, and the FBI) have never even so much as hinted to suspecting the parents. They've been treated as allies since the very beginning of the investigation. And let's be very real here - there's no way two working-class black parents in a Good Ol' Boys town in the South wouldn't be thrown under the bus if there wasn't a way to.
I think investigators have concrete evidence that Asha planned to leave the house that day of her own free-will and investigators have solid proof of this.
Asha's mom: “Us and the FBI and the police, [the] one thing we can agree on even after 10 years is that she willfully walked out” 2010
Asha's mom: "The FBI, the police department and myself agree that she went out of my house of her own free will. She went out of one of my two doors, I don’t know which one, but she left of her own free will." 2015
Asha's mom: "I honestly believe she walked out one of these doors on her own free will and after that somebody, once she walked down that road, somebody picked her up." 2018

Bitches always on my d-ck, I wear a condom when I shit.
• ⁠On & On
Shittin on niggas like a nigga was still a baby.
• ⁠The Come Up​
Motherfucker, I'm the shit, I pass gas when I feel.
• ⁠Sky Boy​
Aye this is big shit poppin', you gon' need a plunger.
• ⁠Heartache​
They say I'm like the human body, I produce my own shit.
• ⁠Royal Flush​
They light a fire under my ass nigga my shit hot, even if you squatted under volcanoes nigga your shit not.
• ⁠Waterbreak​
These niggas thinking they the shit and they ain't even farted yet.
• ⁠Last Call​
I be shitting on my niggas and my dough be farting.
• ⁠ The One​
Nigga, eat a d-ck, we the shit, no flushing.
• ⁠Disgusting​
You wanna know how I know I'm the shit? 'Cause I keep clogging up the toilet.
• ⁠ Disgusting​
I'm on that shit as if I was the flies.
• ⁠ Premeditated Murder​
I potty train niggas, yeah, this that teach you 'how to shit'.
• ⁠Bun B For President​
I'm the shit, you the stools.
• ⁠Wireless Festival 2010 Freestyle​
You the shit only cause I digested you niggas.
• ⁠See It To Believe It​
I let you feel like you the shit, but boy you can't out-fart me.
• ⁠Dollar & A Dream III​
Swallowed the key to my cell, which means, I got an impossible lock to pick, And if you want my spot you gotta go through lots of shit.
• ⁠The Cure​
Now they tell me “man you like the realest shit I ever smelt."
• ⁠The Cure​
f--k is that smell? I smell bullshyt, it must be an election year.
• ⁠Get Free​
I'm the shit you the shit stains.
• ⁠Backstage verse at Kendrick Lamar show​
Grew up in this bitch without a pot to piss, no toilet, how ironic, I took a lot of shit
• ⁠Tears For ODB​
She put up with this shit like she work at the zoo, true
• ⁠Sparks Will Fly​
If your shit don't stink, nigga, my ship won't sink
• ⁠Revenge Of The Dreamers
Straight shitting on these piss poor rappers, I'm back
• ⁠Everybody Dies
What's that smell, where's your diaper shit here
• ⁠She's Mine Pt. 2

Hello! I have never used Reddit before, and I wasn't quite sure what to title this post, or what subreddit to put it in.
I have a half sister, and recently it has been bothering me that I do not know anything about her at all. She in is pictures from when I was little, playing with me and my brother, however I do not remember her much but from photos she often played with us. If I had to guess, she was a teenager or in her 20s when I was a toddleyoung child (and now I am in my late teens). My parents have zero contact with her due to an unfortunate situation in which she had stolen from them and other members of my family (I think she was a little bit troubled growing up with a strange environment on her mother's side - she is my Dad's daughter - and it resulted in her doing bad things. I don't think I can fully blame her for much that happened for them to fall out as there are probably two sides to every story, but I know it was very upsetting for my Dad and apparently she was quite nasty to him). Additionally, I know that after everything happened my Dad tried to contact her / keep in contact with her which resulted in very little, and that her mother often tried to manipulate her against him or would not make her aware of his reaching out.
This is honestly all I know of the situation and it troubles me deeply that I know so little. I haven't asked my parents much about it as I know it upsets them (mainly my Dad, I truly cannot remember a time he has every mentioned her name) and that I haven't really cared at all about the fact I have a sister until the past couple of years. It didn't really hit me until around 2021/2022 that I should have a sister and I don't due to things that happened when I was too little to understand, now all I have of her are old photos and the knowledge that we would play hide and seek a lot.
I decided to search from her online a bit after I turned 18, sparked by a boy I knew who's own Dad reached out to tell him on his 18th birthday that he actually had a half brother which made me wonder for some reason why my sister has never reached out to me. When I turned 18 I felt a little as if someone owed it to me, as if she should message me since I'm an adult now. I found her Facebook and Instagram, but she was private on both / had no posts. I only knew it was definitely her as the accounts had the same profile picture and a few of my family members also followed her Instagram account. It shocked me seeing her face, I thought she was beautiful and looked nothing like me (except maybe the eyes) and it felt like there was this whole person that I deserved to know, apart from some photographs, that is now a grown woman. It hit me quite hard after that, like I finally understood she was a real person.
For some clarification, some of my Dad's side of the family are still in contact with her (I am assuming). I didn't know this until I was maybe 15, and my parents didn't exactly know it either. I don't think my Dad was upset his family were in contact and seeing her, more that he was not involved in the process (his family isn't the nicest/it's a weird situation that is too much too unpack here). It happened when we were at a cousin's birthday party and suddenly my parents were extremely uncomfortable, and after an hour or two we got my brother (who was it the other room) and left. Turns out, my Dad's side of the family had invited her to this party without telling him, and she was there in the other room. Sat next to my brother and my Nan, whilst my brother was completely unaware. He had no idea who she was, and none of our family had decided to tell him? That is a specific part I cannot get over.
Anyways. I've just found her LinkedIn profile, and I am honestly desperate to know anything about her as there isn't anything online at all other than her name and a few photos (most of which from the 2010's). The whole situation just upsets me deeply. Why hasn't she reached out at all? I get why she would have reserves, maybe she doesn't want to, but it still hurts me that I have zero connection with her, know nothing about her but her name, because I should have a sister!!! It also makes me angry, because she is a grown woman now and was so much older than me at the time and why would she not want to make me aware of her, and I now constantly find myself dwelling on if she even thinks about me at all.
I know I should ask my parents (probably my Mum) about the whole thing, maybe explain my upset about it, however I am currently at University and I feel like it is more of a face to face conversation. I also do not get to see my Dad's side of the family much at all, and I would really never go to one of them about it as it would feel like a betrayal to my parents instead of just asking them. There is also the fear at the back of my mind that I will somehow run into members of my Dad's side of the family and that they are with her, and I will be totally unprepared for it.
I don't know. I don't want to reach out myself. I don't even know if I am posting this in the right place. Just a bit of a vent (my friends vaguely know I have a half sister but I've never gotten into it much and don't want to drop the conversation on them), as well as asking for some advice or if anyone has ever had a similar situation. Thanks for reading if you have.
TLDR: I have a semi-estranged (?) half sister and I don't really know what to do about it

So there's this really old game that I used to play on my ipad in which the protagonist is a boy who is sneaking onto this old man's property. I specifically remember it being nighttime and there being a path you can't take because it was blocked off with bees, and if you took it, the bees swarmed you and you had to dive in a puddle or something.
Anyways, I made it into the house and woke up this old man. For some reason, I was sneaking behind him and I can't bump into any lamps or vases to avoid knocking them over. I also remember doing some finger tapping/swiping patterns to avoid him as he looks over his shoulder and such.
I don't remember specifically how the storyline develops, but eventually, I came to this vent where I couldn't fit through and the point of view switched so I had to play as a dog that was with me. At some point after I made it through, there was a dude sitting at a desk, reading his newspaper. I remember sneaking up in front of his desk so he couldn't see me. He pounded the table or something, and a set of keys fell. I (as a dog) had to retrieve the keys.
That's all I remember, but as a little kid, I was afraid and wouldn't go on. Maybe that's why - I only played a portion of the game. I played this on an ipad in the early days, so I don't know if it was on any other form of mobile.
If there's an angel out there who knows anything of this game and could help me re-experience this fun moment, I express my gratitude and will be forever grateful!

i just got my haircut and boy do i feel good! but besides that i just wanted to see if anyone wants to chat for a bit it’s nice to have some company lol.

so me and my siblings all remember this movie … or it could be a show but there were only 4 episodes so i was thinking probably a movie.. but we have searched and searched and can’t find it anywhere so im on here as a last attempt lol .. anyway it was made around the 2010’s possibly earlier but definitely not any later than that.. it was for sure animated and one of the episodes was about like an evil recliner that kept chasing this boy around and like was at his school at one point tormenting him.. another was about these kids going on a feild trip to this farm but there were dinosaurs there .. and then there was this one about these kids in an old school house in the middle of a feild and a headless horseman came and they had to hid from him in the field .. ik it sounds weird but we all vividly remember this but can’t find it anywhere pls help

DISCLAIMER: I am a teenager. It is just my opinion. Obviously if you are an adult, I’m not going to be as experienced in this genre as you so please keep that in mind when you comment. Also, there are some remakes of classic horror films on here. I only put one version of each movie on the list. However, I have most likely seen both versions. Keep this in mind as well. I do want suggestions, so suggest down below. Ask me why I put this movie there, I'll answer.

1. Promising Young Woman (2020)
2. Talk To Me (2023)
3. Fresh (2022)
4. Don’t Worry Darling (2022)
5. Death Note (2017)
6. Saltburn (2023)
7. Beau Is Afraid (2023)
8. Hereditary (2018)
9. I’m Thinking of Ending Things (2020)
10. The Babysitter: Killer Queen (2020)
11. Bodies Bodies Bodies (2022)
12. Pearl (2022)
13. The Babysitter (2017)
14. Glass (2019)
15. Joker (2019)
16. Late Night With the Devil (2024)
17. Cheap Thrills (2013)
18. Vivarium (2019)
19. Split (2017)
20. Spree (2020)
21. The Platform (2019)
22. IT CHAPTER TWO (2019)
23. Sorry To Bother You (2018)
24. White Noise (2022)
25. Creep 2 (2017)
26. Creep (2015)
27. IT (2017)
28. Circle (2015)
29. The Black Phone (2021)
30. The Belko Experiment (2017)
31. Saw X (2023)
32. Dream Scenario (2023)
33. Civil War (2024)
34. Everything Everywhere All At Once (2022)
35. Mom and Dad (2017)
36. Poor Things (2023)
37. The Lobster (2016)
38. The Florida Project (2017)
39. The Final (2010)
40. Thanksgiving (2023)
41. Exam (2009)
42. Bird Box Barcelona (2023)
43. Who Invited Them (2022)
44. Bird Box (2018)
45. Unfriended: Dark Web (2018)
46. mother! (2017)
47. The House That Jack Built (2018)
48. The Killing of a Sacred Deer (2017)
49. Eighth Grade (2018)
50. Ma (2019)
51. First Reformed (2017)
52. Black Swan (2010)
53. Ready Or Not (2019)
54. Would You Rather (2013)
55. Terrifier (2018)
56. Saw IV (2007)
57. Coraline (2009)
58. Cam (2018)
59. 9 (2009)
60. Triangle (2009)
61. Saw V (2008)
62. Happy Death Day 2U (2019)
63. Happy Death Day (2017)
64. Evil Dead Rise (2023)
65. Terrifier 2 (2022)
66. The Loved Ones (2009)
67. 13 Sins (2014)
68. Fear Street Part 1: 1994 (2021)
69. The Forever Purge (2021)
70. Scream 4 (2011)
71. The Purge: Election Year (2016)
72. The Purge: Anarchy (2014)
73. The Purge (2013)
74. The Gift (2015)
75. Cube 2: Hypercube (2002)
76. Scream 6 (2023)
77. The Truman Show (1998)
78. Synecdoche, New York (2008)
79. Scream 2 (1997)
80. Scream 3 (2000)
81. Priscilla (2023)
82. Unfriended (2014)
83. American Psycho (2000)
84. Scream (1996)
85. Infinity Pool (2023)
86. M3gan (2023)
87. Truth Or Dare? (2018)
88. Smile (2022)
89. Se7en (1995)
90. Blue Velvet (1986)
91. The Silence of the Lambs (1991)
92. Saw II (2005)
93. Saw III (2006)
94. Cube (1997)
95. Saw (2004)
96. Doctor Sleep (2019)
97. The Exorcist: Believer (2023)
98. Donnie Darko (2001)
99. Orphan: First Kill (2022)
100. Orphan (2009)
101. Girl In the Shed: The Kidnapping of Abby Hernandez (2021)
102. The Shining (1980)
103. Arrival (2016)
104. Barbarian (2022)
105. Us (2019)
106. The Exorcist (1973)
107. Halloween (2018)
108. Halloween Kills (2021)
109. It Follows (2015)
110. Nope (2022)
111. X (2022)
112. The Babadook (2014)
113. Ex Machina (2015)
114. Five Nights At Freddy’s (2023)
115. A Haunting In Venice (2023)
116. Carrie (2013)
117. Beetlejuice (1988)
118. Hocus Pocus (1993)
119. Escape Room (2019)
120. The Menu (2022)
121. Scary Movie (2000)
122. Fear, Inc. (2016)
123. The Cabin In the Woods (2011)
124. Malignant (2021)
125. Blue Ruin (2013)
126. Boy Kills World (2024)
127. The Reverent (2015)
128. Midsommar (2019)
129. The Night House (2020)
130. Melancholia (2011)
131. Imaginary (2024)
132. Bite (2015)
133. Cujo (1983)
134. Get Out (2017)
135. Scream 5 (2020)
136. A Dark Song (2016)
137. Signs (2008)
138. The Nun II (2023)
139. The First Purge (2018)
140. The Village (2004)
141. Ouija (2014)
142. Abigail (2024)
143. Evil Dead (2013)
144. Night Swim (2024)
145. Scary Movie 2 (2001)
146. The Conjuring (2013)
147. The Nun (2018)
148. Saw VI (2009)
149. Saw VII (2010)
150. Sleepy Hollow (1999)
151. Sasquatch Sunset (2024)
152. Monkey Man (2024)
153. Fear Street Part 2: 1978 (2021)
154. Tusk (2014)
155. A Quiet Place (2018)
156. Scary Movie 3 (2003)
157. Unbreakable (2000)
158. Fear Street Part 3: 1666 (2021)

Boys, I want to hear any and all reactions to this. Mind I live in NYC.
once upon a time the Everyman could go out at night and practice the dark arts of game, befriend many people, get some numbers, get some kisses, and maybe even take home a pretty lady. While this is still possible, I believe that the era of night game essentially ended with Covid, after a slow multi year decline.
Today, night game is a fools errand. Women will entertain attention, but in my observation, and experience, it is rare for them to leave their girlfriends and go home with a guy. Any girl that just wants to get smashed is going to open up bumble rather than leave her friends group on a Saturday night. Even if you're doing literally everything right and she's into you, the barriers are just so great. And it’s also not as common for a phone number to convert to a date. So many phone numbers I get now lead absolutely nowhere.
There are many forces at play here. And I think we all know what they are so I won’t even go there. Notably, I'm not hopping on the doomerist bandwagon about "the end of dating" or whatever we see on youtube. While this may have a bit of truth and even relevancy, I'm trying to observe and discuss what I believe I see happening on the ground in nightlife. I’ve been in the field in and out for 15 years now. And I seen some things. While things have improved n some ways, I’d say overall it’s shittier for the median male today in nightlife than early 2010's. So much so that I’m calling the end of night game.
Even with with the relative increased success of East Asians and Blacks today, the bias towards literally any average white dude in Nyc is jaw dropping. It’s honestly shocking how easy any basic white guy in Nyc has it, but I digress. Still relatively hard for South Asians imo, surprisingly.
Maybe I’m just old and worn out, maybe. But I’m throwing in the towel on night game. It’s just no longer a good time investment. Open to ideas on how to reposition myself.

70's Alt Rock -King Crimson-Lark's Tongue In Aspic
80's Alt Rock - Talking Heads-Remain In Light
90's Alt Rock- Nirvana- Never mind
2000's Alt Rock-The Strokes-Is This It
2010's Alt Rock Tame Impala-Lonerism
Alt Country -Wilco-Summerteeth
Alt Hip Hop-MF Doom- Mad villainy
Art Rock-Dark Side Of The Moon-Pink Floyd
Brit Rock- The Clash- London Calling
College Rock-REM-Murmur
Emo Rock-My Chemical Romance-Welcome To The Black Parade
Experimental Rock-Swans-To Be Kind
Goth-The Cure Disintegration
Grunge- Soundgarden-Superunknown
Hardcore Punk- Black Flag- Damaged
Heavy Metal-Black Sabbath-Paranoid
60's Hard Rock-Led Zeppelin I
70's Hard rock-Led Zeppelin-Physical Graffiti
80's Hard Rock- AC/DC-Back In Black
90's Hard Rock-Nirvana-In Utero
2000's Hard Rock-Queens Of The Stone Age-Songs For The Deaf
2010's ˙Hard Rock- Tool-Fear Inoculum
Indie Rock-Joy Division-Unknown Pleasures
Indie Folk-Big Thief-Dragon New Warm Mountain I Believe In You
Lo-Fi-Neutral Milk Hotel-In The Aeroplane Over The Sea
New Wave-Elvis Costello-This Year's Model
Progressive Rock- Tool- Lateralus
Punk- Ramones-Rocket To Russia
pop punk-Green Day-Dookie
Post Punk- Wire- Pink Flag
Shoegaze-My Bloody Valentine-Loveless
Blues-Nina Simone-Sings The Blues
Blues Rock-The Rolling Stones-Sticky Fingers
Avant Garde- Captain Beefheart & His Magic Band-Trout Mask Replica
Baroque Pop-The Beach Boys-Pet Sounds
Symphonic Rock-Moody Blues-Days Of Future Past
Comedy/Novelty album-Adam Sandler-They're All Gonna Laugh At You
Stand Up Comedy-George Carlin-Back In Town
Americana-The Band-The Band
Bakersfield Sound-Buck Owens-Best Of Buck Owens
Bluegrass-Old & In The Way-That High Lonesome Sound
Outlaw Country-Willie Nelson-Redheaded Stranger
Classic Country-Johnny Cash-Live At Folsom Prison
Country Rock- The Flying Burrito Brothers-The Gilded Palace Of Sin
Dance/Club-LCD Soundsystem- This Is Happening
Christmas /Holiday Album-Vince Gauralidi-A Charlie Brown Christmas
EMD/Techno-Burial-Untrue
Ambient-Brian Eno-Music For Airports
Electronic Rock-Radiohead-Kid A
Space Rock- Spiritualized- Ladies And Gentlemen We Are Floating In Space
Synthpop-Depeche Mode-Violator
Synthrock- New Order-Power, Corruption and Lies
Industrial-Nine Inch Nails-The Downward Spiral
Krautrock- Can-Tago Mago
Folk-Bob Dylan-The Freewillin' Bob Dylan
Folk Rock-Bob Dylan-Blood On The Tracks
Southern Rock-The Allman Brothers Band-At Fillmore East
80's Hip Hop-The Beastie Boys-Paul's Boutique
90's- Hip Hop Wu-Tang Clan-Enter The Wu-Tang (36 Chambers)
2000's Hip Hop-Outkast- Stankonia
2010's Hip Hop-Kendrick Lamar-To Pimp A Butterfly
2020's Hip Hop-Run The Jewels-RTJ 4
East Coast Hip Hop- Nas- Illmatic
West Coast Hip Hop-NWA-Straight Outta Compton
Southern Hip Hop-Outkast -Aquemini
Midwest Album-Kanye West-My Dark Twisted Fantasy
Trap-Travis Sott-Rodeo
Instrumental Hip Hop- DJ Shadow- Endtroducing....
Indie Pop-Belle And Sebastian-If You're Feeling Sinister
Noise Rock-Sonic Youth-Daydream Nation
Post-rock- Godspeed! You Black Emperor-Lift Your Skinny Fist Like Antennas To Heaven
Acid Jazz- Medeski ,Martin, and Wood -Shack-Man
Trip Hop -Portishead- Dummy
Gospel -Aretha Franklin-Amazing Grace
Christian- Sufjan Stevens -Illnoise
Jazz-Miles Davis-Kind Of Blue
Avant Garde Jazz-Ornette Coleman-Shape To Jazz To Come
Swing/Bebop-Art Blakey & The Jazz Messengers-Art Blakey's Jazz Messengers w/Thelonious Monk
Jazz/Fusion-Miles Davis-In A Silent Way
Jazz Rock-Miles Davis-Bitches Brew
Jazz/Funk-Herbie Hancock-Head Hunters
Jazz/Rap-A tribe Called Quest-The Low End Theory
Latin- Los Lobos-Kiko
Speed Metal/Thrash- Metallica- Master Of Puppets
Black/Death Metal-Deafheaven-Sunbather
Symphonic Metal-Haken-The Mountain
Glam Rock -T.Rex-Electric Warrior
Hair Metal-Guns N Roses-Appetite For Destruction
New Wave Of British Heavy Metal-Iron Maiden- Number Of The Beast
Sludge-Electric Wizard- Dopethron
Nu Metal-Korn-Korn
New Age-Popol Vuh - Hosianna Mantra
Pop-Prince-Sign O' The Times
60's Pop- The Beatles-Revolver
70's Pop- Carole King-Tapestry
80's Pop- Peter Gabriel-So
90's Pop-Madonna-Ray Of Light
2000's Pop-Madonna-Confessions On A Dance Floor
2010's pop-Robyn-Body Talk
2020's Pop- Perfume Genius-Set My Heart On Fire
Adult Contemporary- Billy Joel-The Stranger
Europop- ABBA- Arrival
Latin Pop-Ruben Y Seis Del Solar-Buscando America
Dance Pop-Dee-Lite-World Clique
Dream Pop- Mazzy Star-So Tonight I Might See
Power Pop- Weezer-Blue Album
R&B- Marvin Gaye-What's Going On
60's R&B-Aretha Franklin-I Never Loved A Man The Way I Loved You
70's R&B- Stevie Wonder- Songs In The Key Of Life
80's R&B- Janet Jackson- Control
90's R&B Album- Lauryn Hill-The Miseducation Of Lauryn Hill
2000's R&B- D'Angelo-Voodoo
2010's-R&B-Beyonce-Lemonade
2020's R&B- SZA-SOS
Disco-Donna Summers-Bad Girls
Doo Wop- The Chantels- We Are The Chantels
Funk-Funkadelic-Maggot Brain
Motown- Marvin Gaye-Let's Get It On
Neo-Soul-Erykah Badu-Baduizm
Psychedelic Soul- Curtis Mayfield-Curtis
Soul-Aretha Franklin-Lady Soul
Reggae-Bob Marley- Exodus
Ska-The Specials-The Specials
Swing Revival-Big Bad Voodoo Daddy-Big Bad Voodoo Daddy
Rock N Roll-The Rolling Stones-Exile On Main Street
Acid Rock- Jimi Hendrix- Are You Experienced
Arena Rock-Boston-Boston
Cock Rock-Van Halen I
Math Rock-Slint-Spiderland
Stoner Rock-Kyuss-Welcome To Sky Valley
Jam Band- Grateful Dead-American Beauty
SingeSongwriter- Neil Young-Harvest
Surf Rock-The Beach Boys-Shut Down Vol II

I was told recently that my current health issues may be worsened by repressed anger, and some of you are posting similar situations and I've never told my story before so here goes.
At age 6 I was one of four kids. My parents started a restaurant business and my father drank it into the ground within a year. We were not well cared for and I played with fire a lot. I would get about one meal a day, dressed in random second hand clothes, no haircut, so that my age and gender were unclear. I would be driven around in the boot of the car. There was domestic violence and I think some sexual abuse but I'm not sure. My mother left when I was 8, with one of my siblings, and we saw them some weekends. My father never worked and would go to the pub and take us or leave us with the 11 year old in charge of the remaining three (aged 11,8,3). He would come back drunk and bloody and brag about fighting and stealing. He would steal money I received from family or stangers. I remember having disassociated and suicidal thoughts from then, and for the next ten years or so. I don't remember much else between age 6 and 12 except the 3 hours per day bus journey to the furthest possible school, another scheme to avoid parenting; and being in pubs.
After a short relationship with a teenage neighbor and others, my father somehow attracted a millionaire. He conveniently lost full custody of us (his benefits meal ticket) at that time and started a new family with her. This was a blessing. We saw him some weekends. At this time he began to deny paternity of me when drunk. He pushed everyone's buttons for sadistic fun and this was mine for a while. He would feed us discarded food and then drive us home via the off-licence while drunk, in an expensive car, having lost his licence dui, and I remember my anger finding a voice around this age, 14-16, and contact being less and less.
Age 17-26 I struggled to find my adult self and financial stability and at 26 I got some therapy that really helped me separate myself from who they are (disgusting) and who they tried to make me (weak). I went no contact for the next 17 years. No contact has been great.
In retrospect I see him as a jealous, cowardly, dangerous narcissist. He sees himself as an eccentric joker. I'm waiting for him to die so I can say "well I can't do anything about it now" because I've nothing to offer this relationship except justified anger. Being a parent myself has made me even more disappointed and angry at them for not feeling like they should have, nor providing me with even a tiny bit of support.
It feels more raw at the moment because my boy is reaching that age.
Thanks for reading this. Sometimes the anger is overwhelming but I don't feel particularly angry about it now, maybe it's been a little cathartic to write it down so I can let it go for a bit. I've found other people's stories here help me feel less unlucky / alone in my troubles and I'm inspired by your bravery and resilience, so I hope this story helps someone in some similar way.

TLDR: I underachieved socially in life which caused me to have become an adult with no experience with women and no social life in general. I regret that I wasted my youth, college years, and early 20s not developing a social life or experience with women and I feel it is a major setback in my life. I am incredibly lonely and sexually frustrated and I want to become someone that women find attarctive so I can finally expereince being with them. I've taken steps to improve myself but I still don't know how to even "cross the line" into meeting and dating women. I lack social skills and believe that I may be on the spectrum like my brother but was never diagnosed.
.
Full post:
I've accepted the fact that my lonliness and depression stems from that fact that I "underachieved socially" in my life
I met a lot of people in school but never made lasting friendships. I've never had a group of friends to call the boys. I don't have friends. I don't have a social life. I don't have social media. I sometimes go out alone on a friday night but end up just standing alone in the corner. I don't have hobbies. I go to the gym, do daily cardio, and occasionally go hiking on the mountains, but spend the rest of my time on my phone by myself.
This weekend I drove 400 miles round trip and hiked a 7 mile loop on top of a mountain I saw from google. No one knew I was there. If I had died up there no one would know.
There is a ever-present emptiness in my life. I don't really have passions. I just life day by day with no aspirations. I look forward to things like what I'm eating for dinner or what I'm going to mastervate to when I get home.
I lack self confidence and I don't know how to fix it. I am insanely insecure in comparing myself to attractive men and men that get girls, wishing I could be that guy.
All my social problems have obviously led me to having 0 experience with women. I am incredibly sexually frustrated. I cuddle my pillow every night. I want to experience kissing. I want to experiencd cuddling. I want to experience sex. I want to experience touching a girl. I want to experience a girl touching me. I want to expereince all aspects of sex. I find many women attractive and I want to have sex with many. women. All I think about is women and sex and how much I I want it. On days when I'm free I will masterbate 4-5 times and on normal days I will doit at least twice. Then I get sad knowing I once again fucked my hand and am now sitting alone in my bed and never touched a woman and start crying.
I'm so lonely I've come to the point of considering traveling somewhere where sex work is legal to pay for it. When I was in school I was obsessed with the fantasy that I would find a cute girlto be my frist girlfriend, we would experience "young love" and lose are virginities to each other and have a great innocent first relationship. That didn't happen. After graduating and entering the working world (A male-dominated engineering company with all coworkers 10-20 years older than me), I became depressed and basically have rarely ever interacted with anyone my age. I realize by this point that "fantasy" I had will never happen and now I would be ok with just paying a professional to walk me through it. But I still long for being with a girl who wants me.
I know that I could simply walk up to a girl I find attractive in public, but I don't have the skills to do that. And I know most girls would judge an older virgin. I don't know how to interact with girls my age or anyone I like.
I basically live in a regretful state. I regret that I wasted my youth and school years not making friends. I regret that I spent years in college and never got a girlfriend or got laid and will never be surrounded by that many girls my age ever again. I'm very much in an "it's over" mentality. I really wish I could redo my youth, redo college, and redo my early 20s so I could have actually had the social and dating life I wanted to have then. I feel like I won't grow up until I expereince this. This is even making want to try and get a masters degree not for the degree, but to just have a second chance in college.
However, I know that self pity does nothing, so rather than continuing to feel sad I have been trying to improve myself. This year I am down 30lb since new years & I am trying to dress better & got a new haircut: https://imgur.com/a/mgvHffr
I'm financially doing better than most people from "following the rules" of staying out of trouble, going to college, getting a good degree, and getting a good job. But again this is another reason why I don't have a social life.
I truly think I may be on the spectrum like my older brother is, which is a major cause of my social issues. But I was never formally diagnosed.
I don't know how to cross the line into actually getting a girl. I get some matches on dsting apps but most don't respond. I feel like at some point this year I will be physically attractive enough to get a girls interest, but I have no idea where to go from there. How do I flirt? How do I be charismic? How do you go from meeting a stranger to wanting to get naked in front of each other and touch each other. I don't understand how this happends and I can't wait any longer. I need to experience this to cure my sadness. It is the only source of it.
Forgot to mention I'm 25

TLDR: I underachieved socially in life which caused me to have become an adult with no experience with women and no social life in general. I regret that I wasted my youth, college years, and early 20s not developing a social life or experience with women and I feel it is a major setback in my life. I am incredibly lonely and sexually frustrated and I want to become someone that women find attarctive so I can finally expereince being with them. I've taken steps to improve myself but I still don't know how to even "cross the line" into meeting and dating women. I lack social skills and believe that I may be on the spectrum like my brother but was never diagnosed.
.
Full post:
I've accepted the fact that my lonliness and depression stems from that fact that I "underachieved socially" in my life
I met a lot of people in school but never made lasting friendships. I've never had a group of friends to call the boys. I don't have friends. I don't have a social life. I don't have social media. I sometimes go out alone on a friday night but end up just standing alone in the corner. I don't have hobbies. I go to the gym, do daily cardio, and occasionally go hiking on the mountains, but spend the rest of my time on my phone by myself.
This weekend I drove 400 miles round trip and hiked a 7 mile loop on top of a mountain I saw from google. No one knew I was there. If I had died up there no one would know.
There is a ever-present emptiness in my life. I don't really have passions. I just life day by day with no aspirations. I look forward to things like what I'm eating for dinner or what I'm going to mastervate to when I get home.
I lack self confidence and I don't know how to fix it. I am insanely insecure in comparing myself to attractive men and men that get girls, wishing I could be that guy.
All my social problems have obviously led me to having 0 experience with women. I am incredibly sexually frustrated. I cuddle my pillow every night. I want to experience kissing. I want to experiencd cuddling. I want to experience sex. I want to experience touching a girl. I want to experience a girl touching me. I want to expereince all aspects of sex. I find many women attractive and I want to have sex with many. women. All I think about is women and sex and how much I I want it. On days when I'm free I will masterbate 4-5 times and on normal days I will doit at least twice. Then I get sad knowing I once again fucked my hand and am now sitting alone in my bed and never touched a woman and start crying.
I'm so lonely I've come to the point of considering traveling somewhere where sex work is legal to pay for it. When I was in school I was obsessed with the fantasy that I would find a cute girlto be my frist girlfriend, we would experience "young love" and lose are virginities to each other and have a great innocent first relationship. That didn't happen. After graduating and entering the working world (A male-dominated engineering company with all coworkers 10-20 years older than me), I became depressed and basically have rarely ever interacted with anyone my age. I realize by this point that "fantasy" I had will never happen and now I would be ok with just paying a professional to walk me through it. But I still long for being with a girl who wants me.
I know that I could simply walk up to a girl I find attractive in public, but I don't have the skills to do that. And I know most girls would judge an older virgin. I don't know how to interact with girls my age or anyone I like.
I basically live in a regretful state. I regret that I wasted my youth and school years not making friends. I regret that I spent years in college and never got a girlfriend or got laid and will never be surrounded by that many girls my age ever again. I'm very much in an "it's over" mentality. I really wish I could redo my youth, redo college, and redo my early 20s so I could have actually had the social and dating life I wanted to have then. I feel like I won't grow up until I expereince this. This is even making want to try and get a masters degree not for the degree, but to just have a second chance in college.
However, I know that self pity does nothing, so rather than continuing to feel sad I have been trying to improve myself. This year I am down 30lb since new years & I am trying to dress better & got a new haircut: https://imgur.com/a/mgvHffr
I'm financially doing better than most people from "following the rules" of staying out of trouble, going to college, getting a good degree, and getting a good job. But again this is another reason why I don't have a social life.
I truly think I may be on the spectrum like my older brother is, which is a major cause of my social issues. But I was never formally diagnosed.
I don't know how to cross the line into actually getting a girl. I get some matches on dsting apps but most don't respond. I feel like at some point this year I will be physically attractive enough to get a girls interest, but I have no idea where to go from there. How do I flirt? How do I be charismic? How do you go from meeting a stranger to wanting to get naked in front of each other and touch each other. I don't understand how this happends and I can't wait any longer. I need to experience this to cure my sadness. It is the only source of it.
Forgot to mention I'm 25

This is the second half of my list for Oklahoma's execution roster. As mentioned in the first part, I broke it in half to comply with reddit's character limitations. For the link to part 1, please click here.
The currently executed 124 offenders, cases 63-124:
63. Robert Knighton (~1960s-2003, lethal injection): In 1973, after being released from a 1968 armed robbery conviction, Knighton went on his first major crime spree. He stabbed and strangled several men and women during many robberies and home invasions. The only victim that was killed, 32 year old Coffier Day, was shot dead while Knighton was arguing with him in his home. Coffier's father, 53 year old Claude, was also injured in the shooting. Knighton's first crime spree ended when he kidnapped a married couple and their 6 year old daughter. They escaped when the wife and mother of the family attacked Knighton with a knife to protect her husband and daughter. The family then notified the police of their abduction. Knighton managed to secure a 30 year manslaughter conviction and a 10 year armed robbery conviction with a plea deal, and was released to a halfway house in 1989. There, he began dating a female addict and befriended a teenage boy. The trio embarked on a nationwide robbery spree together. In Missouri, they shot and killed 59 year old Frank Merrifield and his 40 year old stepson Roy Donahue while robbing their home, and stole guns and money from them. In Oklahoma, the trio fatally shot a couple, 64 year old Virginia and 62 year old Richard Denney, while carjacking them. Their rampage ended when a woman in Texas grow suspicious of them circling a neighborhood. Knighton had a long history of theft convictions dating back to his childhood, and joined the Aryan Brotherhood in prison. Behind bars, he frequently attacked black and Native American inmates out of racial hatred for them.
64. Kenneth Charm (1993-2003, lethal injection): Charm and his teenage cousin lured a family friend, 14 year old Brandy Hill, into their car. They raped Hill and tried strangling her with a towel. When that failed, the cousins bludgeoned her to death with a sledgehammer.
65. Lewis Gilbert II (1994-2003, lethal injection): Gilbert and his teenage accomplice committed at least 4 robbery murders in Missouri, Ohio, and Oklahoma, but he was executed for the killing of 37 year old Roxanne Ruddell. They ambushed and kidnapped Ruddell while she was fishing alone. She was robbed of $3 and her truck, tied to a tree, and shot to death. The pair also fatally shot Ruth Loader, a 79 year old Ohioan woman, while abducting her from her residence, and gunned down a Missouri couple, 86 year old William and 76 year old Flossie Brewer, in their home. Gilbert was also sentenced to death for the Brewer murders by the state of Missouri, but was incarcerated in Oklahoma State Penitentiary’s death row.
66. Robert Duckett (~1980s-2003, lethal injection): After breaking out of prison, Duckett was picked up hitchhiking by John Howard, a 53 year old store owner. Howard agreed to let Duckett stay with him until he could find a job. The pair soon had a failing out, and Duckett was evicted by his host. He retaliated by tying Howard up with wire and then beating him to death with a fireplace poker. Duckett made off with his car after he switched the license plates, and took several bank bags from his store. He had a long violent criminal history, which included several incidents of assault and robbery. One of the incidents involved the beating of an 83 year old man. Allegedly, Duckett was previously gang-raped by other inmates, and suffered from PTSD from the incident. His attorneys claimed that Howard’s sexual advances trigged those memories, and he was killed as a result of Duckett lashing out at them. However, the prosecution shot the argument down, citing that the murder happened after Duckett was evicted from the apartment.
67. Bryan Toles (1993-2003, lethal injection): Toles and his two accomplices forced themselves into the home of the Franceschi family, and shot and killed the family patriarch, 39 year old Juan, in a struggle. Juan's son, 15 year old Lonnie, was also murdered "execution style" out of fear that he could identify Toles and his accomplices. The only survivor of the attack was Norma, Juan's wife and Lonnie's mother, who escaped by hiding in her older daughter's bedroom.
68. Jackie Willingham (1994-2003, lethal injection): Willingham was a door to door salesman selling perfume in an office building. One women, 62 year old Jayne Van Wey, he tried to solicit rejected him despite his repeated offers. Angered by her "rude behavior", Willingham attacked Van Wey when they had a chance encounter near the building's restroom. He dragged Van Wey out of a stall after following her inside, slammed her head against the bathroom wall several times, and kicked her head. Reportedly, Van Wey choked to death on her own blood.
69. Harold McElmurry III (1999-2003, lethal injection): While under the influence of meth, McElmurry and his wife Vicki broke into a home that a WW2 veteran, 80 year old Robert Pendley, shared with his wife, 75 year old Rosa. Robert and Rosa were both quickly subdued and physically restrained by the couple. McElmurry clubbed Robert to death with a pipe in front of Rosa, who was forced to watch by Vicki. Vicki then held Rosa down as McElmurry stabbed her several times with scissors. After killing the Pendleys, the McElmurrys fled with $70 in cash, a pair of guns, and the victims' car. A few days after the murders, they were captured by border agents while trying to cross into Mexico.
70. Tyrone Darks (~1990s-2004, lethal injection): Darks rammed his ex wife, 26 year old Sherry Goodlow, off the road as she was driving with their 2 year old son. After Goodlow crashed, Darks pulled their son out of the wreckage, shot her to death, and then drove away with him. Just before she succumbed to her injuries, Goodlow managed to call and notify the police about her son’s abduction. The police confronted and arrested Darks at his home, and they found the boy unharmed in their search. Darks and Goodlow’s former marriage was marred with violence, and he was arrested on numerous occasions for assaulting her. On death row, Darks was involved in a scheme to defraud a foundation for 9/11 survivors.
71. Norman Cleary (~1980s-2004, lethal injection): While burglarizing an upper class home with an accomplice, Cleary shot and killed a housekeeper, 44 year old Wanda Neafus, and took her purse and a cane that her employers purchased from the Smithsonian Institution. Cleary had a long criminal history and was previously convicted of beating an 87 year old woman in her home.
72. David Brown (~1983-2004, lethal injection): For several years, Brown violently harassed his ex wife and her family. In one incident, Brown abducted his ex wife and 11 of her customers from a beauty saloon she owned, and held them hostage until he surrendered to police. He was able to leave custody on bond and went into hiding. A few years after the hostage crisis incident, Brown broke into his ex wife's family home and gunned down her father, 47 year old Eldon McGuire.
73. Hung Thanh Le (1992-2004, lethal injection): Le crept into the apartment of another Vietnamese refugee, 34 year old Hai Nguyen, and found him watching TV on the couch. He struck Nguyen from behind with a weightlifting bar, and continued stabbing him with a meat cleaver when he screamed his wife for help. Nguyen's wife phoned the police, and Le fled with the couple's safety deposit box that contained $36,000 and their wedding ring.
74. Robert Bryan (1993-2004, lethal injection): Bryan shot and killed his estranged aunt, 69 year old Mildred, dumped her body on his parents' property, and forged a $1,800 check to himself under her name.
75. Windel Workman (~1980s(?)-2004, lethal injection): Workman beat his girlfriend's daughter, 2 year old Amanda Holman, to death while babysitting her in their home. His ex wives reported that he had a history of child abuse and often violently spanked their children during their marriages.
76. Jimmie Slaughter (1991-2005, lethal injection): Fearing that she was going to tell his wife of their affair, Slaughter stabbed and shot his ex girlfriend, 29 year old Melody Wuertz, and their daughter, 1 year old Jessica. According to court documents, Slaughter mutilated both of their bodies, and he carved an "R" on Melody's stomach. He tried pinning the murders on a black man, but the investigators and the courts dismissed his allegations.
77. George Miller Jr. (1994-2005, lethal injection): During the robbery of a hotel, Miller attacked the auditor, 25 year old Kent Dodd, with a hedge shear and paint cans, and took $122 from the register. Dodd was severely beaten, had muriatic acid shoved down his throat, and was left to die. Just before he died of his injuries, Dodd gave a description of his attacker to the police that matched Miller. A massive amount of circumstantial evidence, such as wearing shoes that resembled the bloodstained footprints next to Dodd's body, a microscopic drop of blood found on his shoes that was tentatively linked to Dodd, his wife's testimony of his unaccounted absence from their home during the murder, and what appeared to be Dodd writing Miller's alias that he knew him by in his own blood, convicted him. Miller’s friends also reported that he was broke and begging them for money a day before the murder, and his wife mentioned him giving her the same amount of money that was stolen from the robbery a day after it happened.
78. Michael Pennington (1991-2005, lethal injection): Pennington shot and killed a clerk, 20 year old Bradley Grooms, while trying to rob a 7-eleven grocery store. He left empty handed when the register failed to open.
79. Kenneth Turrentine (1994-2005, lethal injection): Under the belief that they were stealing money from him for drugs, Turrentine shot and killed his sister, 48 year old Avon Stevenson, and his girlfriend, 39 year old Anita Richardson, during confrontations in their homes. He also gunned down Anita's two children, 22 year old Tina Pennington and 13 year old Martise.
80. Richard Thornburg Jr. (1996-2006, lethal injection): A month after he was shot by an unknown assailant, Thornburg and his accomplices sought revenge by abducting 5 men that he thought was responsible from a trailer. Three of the hostages, 51 year old James Poteet, 39 year old Tery Sheppard, and 24 year old Kieth Smith, were gunned down on the spot, and Thornberg forced the fourth to shoot the fifth with the threat of killing him if he didn’t comply. They then burned down the trailer with the wounded fifth victim still trapped inside, but he managed to escape with his life. Despite being forced to put all the blame on himself in exchange for being spared, the fourth hostage still went forward to the police.
81. John Boltz (1984-2006, lethal injection): To spite his estranged wife following an argument, Boltz attacked her son, 23 year old Doug Kirby, with a knife. Kirby was stabbed a total of 11 times, and he received several fatal wounds to his chest, stomach, and neck.
82. Eric Patton (1994-2006, lethal injection): Patton forced his way into the home of 56 year old Charlene Kauer after she refused his pleading for money. After dragging her around the house as he searched for valuables, Patton stabbed Kauer several times with many different blades objects at hand such as scissors, barbecue forks, and kitchen knifes. Although he confessed to the murder, Patton blamed it on alleged demonic possession and his cocaine addiction.
83. James Malicoat (1997-2006, lethal injection): Malicoat slammed Tessa Leadford, his 13 month old daughter, against a dresser. After she died from the beating, he tucked her into bed, and waited until his daughter's mother returned from work to take her to the hospital. The doctors found that Leadford had been dead for several hours at the time of her arrival, and discovered several injuries such as broken ribs, bite marks, abdominal bleeding, and facial bruising on her body. By his own account, he had abused Leadford on a daily basis. For her role in enabling her boyfriend's treatment of their daughter, Leadford's mother was convicted of first degree murder and given a life sentence.
84. Corey Hamilton (1992-2007, lethal injection): During the robbery of a restaurant, Hamilton shot and killed 4 employees, 26 year old Sandy Lara, 24 year old Stephen Williams, 19 year old Ted Kindley, and 17 year old Joseph Gooch, and made off with $2,000.
85. Jimmy Bland (~1975-2007, lethal injection): Bland shot his boss, 62 year old Doyle Rains, in the head over an argument regarding a borrowed car and dumped the body in a creek. He was previously convicted of killing a soldier, Raymond Prentice (age unknown), and abducting the man's wife and son at the age of 19. Bland served a 20 out of 60 year sentence, and murdered Rains a year after he was released.
86. Frank Welch (~1987-2008, lethal injection): In 1987, Welch attacked 28 year old Jo Cooper, who was 4 months pregnant with her second child, in her home. She was tied up with leather straps, raped and violated with plastic toys, and strangled to death. Cooper’s body was found laying near her infant son by her husband. Another woman, 32 year old Debra Stevens, was also bound, raped, and strangled to death in her home in a near identical fashion a few months later. Although both murders went unsolved for several years, Welch abducted and raped a woman in 1994, and he received a 45 year sentence for it. His DNA samples was collected and filed after his abduction conviction, and linked to both Cooper and Stevens’ murders in a 1997 test.
87. Terry Short (1995-2008, lethal injection): In an attempt to kill his ex girlfriend, Short blew up her apartment complex with a firebomb. She and her family managed to escape, but the blast killed Ken Yamamoto, a 22 year old Japanese exchange student. Yamamoto had no connections to the targeted ex girlfriend's family beyond him having the misfortune of residing in the same apartment.
88. Jessie Cummings Jr. (1991-2009, lethal injection): Cummings was a polygamist that had married and lived with two wives. Under his orders, Cummings’ wives shot and killed his estranged half sister, 46 year old Judy Mayo, and kidnapped her daughter, 11 year old Melissa. He bound his niece to his bed with handcuffs to be raped, and stabbed her to death.
89. Darwin Brown (1995-2009, lethal injection): While robbing a grocery store with three accomplices (including Billy Alverson and Michael Wilson), Brown tied up the clerk, 30 year old Richard Yost, with handcuffs, and then bludgeoned him death with a metal baseball bat. The killing was caught by security cameras, and the footage was used by the prosecution to secure the convictions of Brown and his accomplices.
90. Donald Gilson (1995-2009, lethal injection): Gilson routinely physically abused his live in girlfriend's 5 children (who were all between the ages of 8 and 12 years old). The youngest, 8 year old Shane Coffman, was beaten to death with a board for defecating on the living room carpet. He and his girlfriend then hid the body by stuffing it in a freezer. The body was kept inside it for 6 months until it was discovered by a sheriff's deputy investigating the family's abuse allegations. Gilson's girlfriend was spared the death penalty with a plea deal, and given a life sentence without the possibility of parole for her part in her son's abuse and murder.
91. Michael DeLozier (1995-2009, lethal injection): While camping with his friends, DeLozier ambushed another pair of campers, 60 year old Orville Bullard and 54 year old Paul Morgan, and shot them to death. They stole Morgan and Bullard's generator, pick up truck, and other camping gear. To cover up their tracks, DeLozier and his friends set their victims' campsite on fire, and severely burned the bodies.
92. Julius Young (1993-2010, lethal injection): For breaking off their relationship, Young beat his ex girlfriend, 20 year old Joyland Morgan and her 6 year old son Kewan, to death with a baseball bat in their apartment.
93. Donald Wackerly II (1996-2010, lethal injection): Wackerly and his wife ambushed and gunned down Pan Sayakhoummane, a 51 year old Laotian immigrant, while he was fishing in the Arkansas River. After he placed Sayakhoummane's body in the man’s own truck, he pushed into a river, and stole his fishing gear. A few months after the murder, Wackerly’s wife turned him in to the police.
94. John Duty (~1970s-2010, lethal injection): Duty was given a life sentence for abducting, raping, and non fatally shooting a female store clerk during a robbery. While incarcerated, he tricked a fellow inmate, 22 year old Curtis Wise Jr. into allowing himself to be tied up as a part of a hostage ruse, and then strangled him to death with shoelaces. At the time of his murder, Wise was serving a conviction for burglary and contributing to the delinquency of minors. Duty's execution caused some controversy for the use of pentobarbital, a drug more commonly utilized by veterinarians to euthanize pets.
95. Billy Alverson (1995-2011, lethal injection): Alverson assisted the above mentioned Darwin Brown and Micheal Wilson in the beating death of Richard Yost while robbing a convenience store.
96. Jeffrey Matthews (1994-2011, lethal injection): Matthews and his accomplice shot and killed his great uncle, 77 year old Otis Short, while robbing the man's home. In the robbery, they stole Short's truck, his .32 calibre pistol, and $500. The pair also slit the throat of Short's wife, but she survived her injuries.
97. Gary Welch (~1993-2011, lethal injection): During a fight over a drug shipment, Welch and his partner stabbed another dealer, 32 year old Robert Hardcastle, to death with broken glass bottles. He was previously convicted of battery with a deadly weapon, and was off on probation at the time of Hardcastle's murder.
98. Timothy Stemple (1996-2012, lethal injection): Stemple conspired with his girlfriend to murder his wife, 30 year old Trisha, for her life insurance policy. With the help of his girlfriend's 16 year old nephew or cousin [sources vary], Stemple beat Trisha with a baseball bat, and rammed her to death with his truck.
99. Michael Selsor (~1975-2012, lethal injection): Selsor and his accomplice went on a crime spree and robbed several convenience stores. During their robberies, the pair shot and killed two clerks, 55 year old Clayton Chandler and 20 year old Ina Morris, and injured two others in shooting and stabbing attacks.
100. Michael Hooper (~1992-2012, lethal injection): Hooper kidnapped his ex girlfriend, 23 year old Cynthia Jarman, and her children, 5 year old Timothy and 3 year old Tonya, from her boyfriend's residence. He shot all three of them dead, and buried the bodies in a rancher's field. According to court documents, Hooper was hyper-violent towards Cynthia in their year long relationship.
101. Garry Allen (1986-2012, lethal injection): Allen shot and killed his fiancee, 24 year old Lawanna Titsworth, during an argument at a day care she worked at. He fought with the responding officers trying to arrest him in an attempt to provoke a "suicide by cop" outcome. Despite the officers' best efforts to avoid harming him, Allen lost his eye from an accidental discharge. Due to claims of him having schizophrenia, Allen's execution was a source of controversy.
102. George Ochoa (~1993-2012, lethal injection): A Southside Locos gang member, Ochoa and another hoodlum shot and killed a couple, 38 year old Francisco Morales and 35 year old Maria Yanez, while burglarizing their home. The murders were witnessed by the couple's 14 year old and 10 year old children and stepchildren, who then phoned the police after the shooters' departure.
103. Steven Thacker (~1980s-2012, lethal injection): Thacker kidnapped 25 year old Laci Hill during a botched robbery of her home, and took her to a remote cabin to be raped. She was then strangled and stabbed to death. He fled to Missouri, fatally stabbed 24 year old Forrest Boyd while carjacking him, and used his car to hide out in Tennessee. After the stolen car broke down, Thacker called a tow truck to pick him up. When the driver, 52 year old Ray Patterson, found that he was using a stolen credit card, Thacker stabbed him to death as well. As a teenager, Thacker committed several acts of auto thefts and burglaries. He also engaged in inappropriate relationships with underaged girls, and was released from a Florida prison after serving time for a bad check conviction months before his murders.
104. James DeRosa (2000-2013, lethal injection): DeRosa and his accomplice tricked a couple, 73 year old Curtis and 70 year old Gloria Plummer, that he worked for on their ranch, into letting them inside their house. After they stabbed the Plummers and slit their throats, DeRosa and his accomplice stole $73 and drove away with their truck.
105. Brian Davis (2001-2013, lethal injection): Davis went searching for his girlfriend and their daughter when he found them missing from their home, and called his girlfriend's mother, 56 year old Josephine Sanford, about their whereabouts. Sanford dropped by the couple's residence after failing to find her daughter and granddaughter. At her arrival, she was raped, beaten, and stabbed to death by Davis. He then left the body in the house, drove off with Sanford’s van, and injured himself in a car accident. As Davis was high while driving, he was arrested for being under the influence. The detaining officers weren’t aware of the murder until Davis’ girlfriend returned to the home later that night, and called 911 after finding her mother’s corpse.
106. Anthony Banks (~1978-2013, lethal injection): In 1978, while robbing a grocery store, Banks shot and killed a clerk, 22 year old David Fremin. A year later, he abducted Sun Travis, a 24 year old South Korean immigrant, from a parking lot. He then sexually assaulted Travis in his car and shot her in the head. Although he was captured and convicted for Fremin's murder, Travis' killing went unsolved until a 1997 DNA test. Banks was originally sentenced to death for Fremin's murder, but it was lifted in favor of a life sentence. He was condemned for a second time after his conviction for Travis' murder.
107. Ronald Lott (~1980s-2013, lethal injection): A sexual predator of elderly women, Lott broke into the homes of 93 year old Zelma Cutler and 83 year old Anna Fowler after cutting off their power. They were tied up with cloth, anally penetrated, beaten, and suffocated to death with pillowcases. The case attracted controversy when another man was erroneously condemned for the murders, and he spent 11 years on death row until a 1997 DNA test linked the murders to Lott. At the time of the discovery, Lott was serving time for two rape convictions.
108. Johnny Black (~1984-2013, lethal injection): Black, two of his brothers, and two other men went looking for a man they feuded with for a fight. While they were crusing on the road, the group encountered a rancher, 54 year old Bill Pogue, and mistook him for their target due to them driving similar vehicles. They forced Poque off the road, pulled him out of his car, and stabbed him a total of 10 times. Pogue's son in law was also dragged out and attacked, but he managed to escape with his life. Black was previously convicted of manslaughter for shooting 49 year old Cecil Martin dead in an argument.
109. Michael Wilson (1995-2014, lethal injection): Wilson was the third participant in the above mentioned beating death of Richard Yost to be executed.
110. Kenneth Hogan (1988-2014, lethal injection): Hogan stabbed 21 year old Lisa Stanley to death while she was babysitting his children. According to autopsy reports, she was stabbed at least 25 times. Stanley had previously accused him of sexual misconduct, and prosecutors believed that she was killed during an argument over the allegations.
111. Clayton Lockett (~1992-2014, lethal injection): Lockett, his cousin, and another accomplice kidnapped 23 year old Bobby Bornt, 18 year old Summer Hair, and Bornt's 9 month son after burglarizing a home. After tying them up with duct tape, they forced their captives to lure a friend, 19 year old Stephanie Neiman, with a phone call. Neiman was also bound and initially survived getting shot multiple times. Out of frustration, Lockett buried her alive, and she succumbed to a combination of suffocation and her injuries. Lockett and his accomplices also gang-raped Hair and beat Bornt, but spared them on the forced condition of their silence. His execution was controversial, as Lockett convulsed for 45 minutes after being injected, and then died from a heart attack. He also had a long criminal history, and was first arrested for burglary as a teenager.
112. Charles Warner (1997-2015, lethal injection): Warner raped his girlfriend's daughter, 11 month old Adriana Waller, and shook her to death. His execution sparked outcry, as the wrong fatal drug was administered by mistake, and Warner complained of "burning pain" as he was being injected. With the botched executions of Lockett and Warner back to back, the state of Oklahoma delayed further executions until 2021.
113. John Grant (~1970s-2021, lethal injection): While serving a 130 year sentence for armed robbery, Grant stabbed a prison cafeteria worker, 58 year old Gay Carter, to death. He had a long criminal history dating back to the ag e of 11, had several previous convictions of theft and armed robbery, and frequently fought with and assaulted other inmates behind bars. Due to reports of "adverse reactions" to the lethal drugs, Grant's execution was scrutinized by a number of national media outlets.
114. Bigler Stouffer II (1985-2021, lethal injection): Stouffer shot and killed his ex girlfriend, 35 year old Linda Reaves, in her boyfriend's home for breaking up with him. Reaves' boyfriend was also seriously injured in the shooting.
115. Donald Grant (2001-2022, lethal injection): During a robbery of a hotel, Grant fatally shot, stabbed, and bludgeoned two employees, 43 year old Felicia Smith and 29 year old Brenda McElyea, and ran off with $1,500. He spent $200 of the stolen on paying for his girlfriend's bail.
116. Gilbert Postelle (~1998-2022, lethal injection): Postelle’s father was badly injured in a motorcycle accident, and they suspected that 57 year old James Anderson, 56 year old Terry Smith, 49 year old Donnie Swindler, and 26 year old Amy Wright were deliberately involved. Out a desire for vengeance, he recruited Postelle, his other son, and another man to kill them. All four victims were fatally gunned down in what was described as a “blitz attack” on their trailer. He was an addict and had several arrests for drug possession and manufacturing dating back to the age of 12.
117. James Coddington (1997-2022, lethal injection): After robbing a grocery store, Coddington went to the home of a friend and co worker, 73 year old Albert Hale, to ask for money. When Hale turned him down, Coddington retaliated by beating him with a claw hammer. Coddington stole $525 and went on to rob 5 more grocery stores. Hale was left alone with his injures for nearly an entire day until he was discovered by his son, and died in the hospital a day later.
118. Benjamin Cole Sr. (2002-2022, lethal injection): Out of anger that her crying interrupted his Nintendo game, Cole beat his daughter from his second wife, 9 month old Brianna, to death. He was previously convicted of abusing his son from a different marriage in California.
119. Richard Fairchild (1996-2023, lethal injection): Fairchild got into a fight with his girlfriend’s 17 year old daughter after making drunken sexual passes at her, and was enraged that she left with a cab driver. He took his anger out on the girl’s younger brother, 3 year old Adam Broomhall, and scalded him with a wall heater. He then repeatedly hit the boy, threw him against a table, and fatally hemorrhaged his head. Bromhall received over 26 blows during the beating.
120. Scott Eizember (2003-2023, lethal injection): Eizember snuck into his ex girlfriend's house to lie in wait for her. However, her roommates, 76 year old A.J. Cantrell and his 70 year old wife Patsy, arrived home earlier then she did. He shot and beat them both to death and then fled the scene.
121. Jemaine Cannon (1995-2023, lethal injection): Cannon was put in prison for assaulting an unidentified woman. He managed to escape and stabbed his girlfriend, 20 year old Sharonda Clark, to death in her apartment.
122. Anthony Sanchez (1996-2023, lethal injection): Sanchez kidnapped 21 year old Jewell Busken from her apartment complex, and then raped and shot her to death. He amassed a following from the anti death penalty movement for claiming that his father was responsible, but such notions were debunked following a 2023 DNA test that concluded Sanchez’s guilt.
123. Phillip Hancock (~1982-2023, lethal injection): In 1982, Hancock shot a drug dealer, 27 year old Charles Warren, dead in a dispute over stolen jewelry and was given a manslaughter conviction for it. He was released after serving a 2 year term. About 17 years later, he shot and killed 58 year old James Lynch III and 37 year old Robert Jett Jr. in a drug house. Despite an eyewitness account describing Lynch and Jett begging for their lives, the case attracted scrutiny when Hancock's attorneys claimed that the shootings were done in self defense.
124. Michael Smith (~2002-2024, lethal injection): A member of the Oak Grove Posse gang, Smith was responsible for two separate fatal shootings on the same day. In one of his murders, he killed Sharath Pulluru, a 24 year old Indian immigrant that worked as a clerk, while robbing a gas station. The other murder occurred when he tried to confront a gang member that he thought was a police informant in his apartment, and gunned down the target’s mother, 40 year old Janet Miller-Moore, when she refused to give away her son’s location. Smith was also given a life sentence for delivering a gun to a shooter that carried out another gang killing.

TLDR: I underachieved socially in life which caused me to have become an adult with no experience with women and no social life in general. I regret that I wasted my youth, college years, and early 20s not developing a social life or experience with women and I feel it is a major setback in my life. I am incredibly lonely and sexually frustrated and I want to become someone that women find attarctive so I can finally expereince being with them. I've taken steps to improve myself but I still don't know how to even "cross the line" into meeting and dating women. I lack social skills and believe that I may be on the spectrum like my brother but was never diagnosed.
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Full post:
I've accepted the fact that my lonliness and depression stems from that fact that I "underachieved socially" in my life
I met a lot of people in school but never made lasting friendships. I've never had a group of friends to call the boys. I don't have friends. I don't have a social life. I don't have social media. I sometimes go out alone on a friday night but end up just standing alone in the corner. I don't have hobbies. I go to the gym, do daily cardio, and occasionally go hiking on the mountains, but spend the rest of my time on my phone by myself.
This weekend I drove 400 miles round trip and hiked a 7 mile loop on top of a mountain I saw from google. No one knew I was there. If I had died up there no one would know.
There is a ever-present emptiness in my life. I don't really have passions. I just life day by day with no aspirations. I look forward to things like what I'm eating for dinner or what I'm going to mastervate to when I get home.
I lack self confidence and I don't know how to fix it. I am insanely insecure in comparing myself to attractive men and men that get girls, wishing I could be that guy.
All my social problems have obviously led me to having 0 experience with women. I am incredibly sexually frustrated. I cuddle my pillow every night. I want to experience kissing. I want to experiencd cuddling. I want to experience sex. I want to experience touching a girl. I want to experience a girl touching me. I want to expereince all aspects of sex. I find many women attractive and I want to have sex with many. women. All I think about is women and sex and how much I I want it. On days when I'm free I will masterbate 4-5 times and on normal days I will doit at least twice. Then I get sad knowing I once again fucked my hand and am now sitting alone in my bed and never touched a woman and start crying.
I'm so lonely I've come to the point of considering traveling somewhere where sex work is legal to pay for it. When I was in school I was obsessed with the fantasy that I would find a cute girlto be my frist girlfriend, we would experience "young love" and lose are virginities to each other and have a great innocent first relationship. That didn't happen. After graduating and entering the working world (A male-dominated engineering company with all coworkers 10-20 years older than me), I became depressed and basically have rarely ever interacted with anyone my age. I realize by this point that "fantasy" I had will never happen and now I would be ok with just paying a professional to walk me through it. But I still long for being with a girl who wants me.
I know that I could simply walk up to a girl I find attractive in public, but I don't have the skills to do that. And I know most girls would judge an older virgin. I don't know how to interact with girls my age or anyone I like.
I basically live in a regretful state. I regret that I wasted my youth and school years not making friends. I regret that I spent years in college and never got a girlfriend or got laid and will never be surrounded by that many girls my age ever again. I'm very much in an "it's over" mentality. I really wish I could redo my youth, redo college, and redo my early 20s so I could have actually had the social and dating life I wanted to have then. I feel like I won't grow up until I expereince this. This is even making want to try and get a masters degree not for the degree, but to just have a second chance in college.
However, I know that self pity does nothing, so rather than continuing to feel sad I have been trying to improve myself. This year I am down 30lb since new years & I am trying to dress better & got a new haircut: https://imgur.com/a/mgvHffr
I'm financially doing better than most people from "following the rules" of staying out of trouble, going to college, getting a good degree, and getting a good job. But again this is another reason why I don't have a social life.
I truly think I may be on the spectrum like my older brother is, which is a major cause of my social issues. But I was never formally diagnosed.
I don't know how to cross the line into actually getting a girl. I get some matches on dsting apps but most don't respond. I feel like at some point this year I will be physically attractive enough to get a girls interest, but I have no idea where to go from there. How do I flirt? How do I be charismic? How do you go from meeting a stranger to wanting to get naked in front of each other and touch each other. I don't understand how this happends and I can't wait any longer. I need to experience this to cure my sadness. It is the only source of it.
Forgot to mention I'm 25