(Iv posted this is a dream reddit page as an interesting story, but i am curious about this. If anyone has any insight or explanation that would be awesome. I understand that these type of dream can be stress induced, but the last 2 dreams mentioned makes me think otherwise. Thank you for your time)
I dream often. And my dreams can very from adventurous, sad, nostalgic. But they can also be horrific.
The horrific dreams i wanna focus on are the various dreams iv had in my time about ghosts and demons (i said ghouls just for funzies for the title).
The first dream of such i remember, i was in 6th grade washington state. I had this dream i was in a school dance, i went into the area where no one was, and there were these two ghostly girls, similar to The Shining. Except in this point of time, iv yet to see the movie. I was rendered paralyzed and was being pulled towards them by nothing. I heard and saw a firetruck drive by, then i was awoken by leg cramps in both my legs..... In waking world, i walked to my step mother, and was speaking gibberish. However, days later it was brought up and she said it sounded i was speaking another language.
Few years later, I'm living with my grandmother in Alabama. I have my first sleep paralysis dream. Its morning. I remember being mostly awake, unable to move. In my room was a computer with a tube screen. In the room i see nothing, but im hearing muffled whispers. Lots of them, kinda like people quietly talking in a library. I could only see them through the reflection of the computer monitor where they are just standing and talking to each other. Occasionally one would look at me, otherwise unbothered by my presense. My brother then barged into my room which forced me out of it.
Few years later i go off to college still in alabama, im living in a trailer home with roommate, and i have another sleep paralysis dream. This dream has me constantly trying to get out of bed, then teleporting/reawakening in my bed like an endless loop of waking up. Instead one of the times im in my living room, and there's this blackish purple misty hole in the sealing, and its pulling me to it. And appears from it is a wraith... and not the one from Halo. It looks like its black in color with a robe like shape. I hold on to something that prevents me from going into the hole, then i eventually wake up.
Couple years later, i move back in with my grandmother. And i have a sleep paralysis dream, this time at night. And i feel something kinda caressing my shoulder. In dream i assumed it was my cat, he sometimes sleeps with me, so he did this night. However, i turn my head and its a decayed old lady with a horrific face. And anytime id try to turn my head to her, she'd give this ear piercing scream. Like a Banshee, and unfortunately not the one from Halo. dont know how to describe it but except it hurt. When i finally jolted awake, my cat was in my room, but sound asleep im my clothes basket, so it wasnt my brain confusing kitty with that.
2 years later, and is the most recent. In the house im currently in, had another sleep paralysis dream, at night. This one has the foggiest of details, but i know scared me the worst. As my closet door is open both irl and in dream. In the decayed old woman is back. But she lets out this scream that was louder than the first dream. It was about as loud as someone blarring a trumpet directly into the ear, with a pitch about as sharp as nails on chalk board. When i jolted up from this dream, my ears were ringing extremely loudly, and were physically hurting.
All the dreams before i could chalk up to stress, new environment, something. But that last one makes me think there is something lurking, and i believe it started back with the first dream.
I remember after the first dream, i was unable to walk because i had the charley horse in both calves. And i was shaking uncontrollably. I thought i was having a seizure.
But if anyone is good with sleep interpretations, or demons, or ghostly things, religious stuff be it Christian, Wican, Hindu, or whatever that may have some explanation I'll gladly accept and read it... as i think something is going on if i actually had a real life consequence from a dream (the painful ears).
Any and all input is welcome, whether its acknowledgment, discussion, explanation, or questions. Ill respond eventually (im not alway on reddit). Thank you for reading this, and i hope at minimum those who read it are entertained.

i was was gifted a ender 3 pro with a bunch of upgrades and stuff, but the code is all messed up my first thought is to completely reinstall marlin as half the features aren't working on the machine, these are the errors im running into.
Edit: mother board: btt skr mini e3 v3.0
PS C:\Users\2006a\OneDrive\Documents\Marlin> echo "done" >"C:\Users\2006a\AppData\Local\Temp\ipc"
PS C:\Users\2006a\OneDrive\Documents\Marlin> platformio run --silent -e STM32G0B1RE_btt
In file included from c:\users\2006a\onedrive\documents\marlin\marlin\src\inc\MarlinConfigPre.h:39,
from c:\users\2006a\onedrive\documents\marlin\marlin\src\inc\marlinconfig.h:28,
from buildroot/share/PlatformIO/scripts/common-dependencies.h:29:
c:\users\2006a\onedrive\documents\marlin\marlin\configuration.h:273:11: error: missing binary operator before token "("
273 #if EITHER(PARKING_EXTRUDER, MAGNETIC_PARKING_EXTRUDER)
^
c:\users\2006a\onedrive\documents\marlin\marlin\configuration.h:909:11: error: missing binary operator before token "("
909 #if EITHER(MORGAN_SCARA, MP_SCARA)
^
c:\users\2006a\onedrive\documents\marlin\marlin\configuration.h:1627:11: error: missing binary operator before token "("
1627 #if EITHER(MIN_SOFTWARE_ENDSTOPS, MAX_SOFTWARE_ENDSTOPS)
^
c:\users\2006a\onedrive\documents\marlin\marlin\configuration.h:1810:11: error: missing binary operator before token "("
1810 #if EITHER(AUTO_BED_LEVELING_LINEAR, AUTO_BED_LEVELING_BILINEAR)
^
In file included from c:\users\2006a\onedrive\documents\marlin\marlin\src\inc\MarlinConfigPre.h:39,
from c:\users\2006a\onedrive\documents\marlin\marlin\src\inc\marlinconfig.h:28,
from buildroot/share/PlatformIO/scripts/common-dependencies.h:29:
c:\users\2006a\onedrive\documents\marlin\marlin\configuration.h:2821:11: error: missing binary operator before token "("
2821 #if EITHER(ANYCUBIC_LCD_I3MEGA, ANYCUBIC_LCD_CHIRON)
^
c:\users\2006a\onedrive\documents\marlin\marlin\configuration.h:3093:11: error: missing binary operator before token "("
3093 #if EITHER(RGB_LED, RGBW_LED)
^
In file included from c:\users\2006a\onedrive\documents\marlin\marlin\src\inc\MarlinConfigPre.h:56,
from c:\users\2006a\onedrive\documents\marlin\marlin\src\inc\marlinconfig.h:28,
from buildroot/share/PlatformIO/scripts/common-dependencies.h:29:
c:\users\2006a\onedrive\documents\marlin\marlin\configuration_adv.h:275:11: error: missing binary operator before token "("
275 #if BOTH(ADAPTIVE_FAN_SLOWING, PIDTEMP)
^
c:\users\2006a\onedrive\documents\marlin\marlin\configuration_adv.h:1227:11: error: missing binary operator before token "("
1227 #if EITHER(DIGIPOT_MCP4018, DIGIPOT_MCP4451)
^
c:\users\2006a\onedrive\documents\marlin\marlin\configuration_adv.h:1284:28: error: missing binary operator before token "("
1284 #if HAS_BED_PROBE && EITHER(HAS_MARLINUI_MENU, HAS_TFT_LVGL_UI)
^
c:\users\2006a\onedrive\documents\marlin\marlin\configuration_adv.h:1336:11: error: missing binary operator before token "("
1336 #if EITHER(HAS_DISPLAY, DWIN_LCD_PROUI)
^
c:\users\2006a\onedrive\documents\marlin\marlin\configuration_adv.h:1391:11: error: missing binary operator before token "("
1391 #if EITHER(SDSUPPORT, LCD_SET_PROGRESS_MANUALLY)
^
c:\users\2006a\onedrive\documents\marlin\marlin\configuration_adv.h:2024:11: error: missing binary operator before token "("
2024 #if EITHER(AUTO_BED_LEVELING_3POINT, AUTO_BED_LEVELING_UBL)
^
c:\users\2006a\onedrive\documents\marlin\marlin\configuration_adv.h:2059:11: error: missing binary operator before token "("
2059 #if EITHER(MESH_BED_LEVELING, AUTO_BED_LEVELING_UBL)
^
c:\users\2006a\onedrive\documents\marlin\marlin\configuration_adv.h:2067:9: error: missing binary operator before token "("
2067 #if BOTH(AUTO_BED_LEVELING_UBL, EEPROM_SETTINGS)
^
c:\users\2006a\onedrive\documents\marlin\marlin\configuration_adv.h:2179:11: error: missing binary operator before token "("
2179 #if EITHER(ARC_SUPPORT, BEZIER_CURVE_SUPPORT)
^
c:\users\2006a\onedrive\documents\marlin\marlin\configuration_adv.h:2265:9: error: missing binary operator before token "("
2265 #if BOTH(SDSUPPORT, DIRECT_STEPPING)
^
c:\users\2006a\onedrive\documents\marlin\marlin\configuration_adv.h:3095:13: error: missing binary operator before token "("
3095 #if EITHER(SENSORLESS_HOMING, SENSORLESS_PROBING)
^
c:\users\2006a\onedrive\documents\marlin\marlin\configuration_adv.h:3473:11: error: missing binary operator before token "("
3473 #if EITHER(SPINDLE_FEATURE, LASER_FEATURE)
c:\users\2006a\onedrive\documents\marlin\marlin\configuration_adv.h:4180:11: error: missing binary operator before token "("
4180 #if EITHER(WIFISUPPORT, ESP3D_WIFISUPPORT)
^
Error: Failed to parse Marlin features. See previous error messages.
================================================================================================== [FAILED] Took 1.05 seconds ==================================================================================================
Environment Status Duration
STM32G0B1RE_btt FAILED 00:00:01.050
============================================================================================= 1 failed, 0 succeeded in 00:00:01.050 =============================================================================================PS C:\Users\2006a\OneDrive\Documents\Marlin> echo "done" >"C:\Users\2006a\AppData\Local\Temp\ipc"
PS C:\Users\2006a\OneDrive\Documents\Marlin> i tried this fix https://www.reddit.com/MarlinFirmware/comments/17yqwnl/help_needed_compilation_errors_with_marlin/

Ulti-Planner
Settings
This document is to help you determine exactly what each setting in the Ulti-Planner app is for. We hope it clears up anything not so intuitive.
Main Settings
Settings - See Secondary Screen information below.
Calendars/Lists - This allows you to pick which event calendars or reminder lists are “On”, or featured in your main views in the app. If you have calendars on your system that you don’t want to see regularly you can turn them off here(you can still have them available in a custom calendar filter).
This also is where you can choose the default calendar and list that is used when you go to create a new event or reminder.
Time Zone - This is how you turn on timezone support. If this is off it uses the system timezone of your current location, otherwise it can show times based on the timezone selected.
Tags - This is the screen that allows you to setup colors and Icons for hashtags. It also is where you can create keywords that also have a color or icon. These are keywords that the app looks for in your title, so for instance a “Dentist Appointment” event can have a tooth icon and blue color by identifying “Dentist” as a keyword.
App Icon - Allows you to change the main app icon to one you like. The premium version offers a wide variety of options.
Email Support - Our preferred way to hear from you if you have feedback or issues. The system automatically adds system and device information that we otherwise end up asking for in a lot of situations.
Rate the App - Access to the AppStore to rate the app, we really appreciate a good rating or review.
Settings Secondary Screens
Display
We pride ourselves on allowing you to setup the look of the app to match your personality and preferences.
Theme - The app is designed so that in the regular light and dark modes of the phone, it has a theme color that will be featured in most titles and accessory views. Changing this to the color you prefer really goes a long way to making the app feel more like you want It to.
Solid Background - If you would rather have the entire app be themed in a custom background color you can turn this switch on and choose the solid color in the next selection.
Solid Color - The color to be used for the background if in Solid Background mode. In some very rare instances the actual Theme color set above will also be used for certain secondary touches in the app. This is also where you can find the new “FADE” choices, which present as a gradient background from a dark top to another color on the main top level views of the app.
Interface - The app actually has 2 looks that can be chosen, Modern or Traditional. Traditional has a bit more simple look with more straight lines and bars showing colors. Modern is a newer take that uses rounded edges to give the app a newer look.
Mode - We allow you to set the app in Dark or Light mode locally, or Auto which uses the system wide Dark/Light mode setup.
Large Title Bars - With the advent of bigger screens, sometimes rather large titles are preferred on the screens. But if you want to maximize the amount of Information available we allow this to be turned off to give you even more room.
Tabs - On iPhone this allows you to turn the entire interface into a tabbed based app, So instead of accessing some of the other views using the top menu, you will be able to quickly use the tabs at the bottom to move between sections of the app.
Title - The top title bar text can be set to take on 3 different looks.
Modules
The Premium version of the app allows for several powerful sections of the app, each in their own right with features rivaling other full apps in their genre.
Reminders - This allows you to use Reminders in the app including on the calendar views and in a full screen, with customizable views and lists to view all of your reminders sorted and presented the way you want.
Contacts - The contacts screen allows you to fully access your contacts and display them by groups and favorites.
Projects - The projects screen is a system in which to organize your reminders, along with Events and Contacts, into full on projects that are organized and interacted with using a Kanban(column based) project board with custom statuses. It takes advantage of context menus and drag and drop, to allow you to quickly categorize where in your project workflow each task is.
Goals - Goals is a way to keep track of your habits from within your calendar. Each goal is actually a specialized event that is keeping track of your progress, so you can track things you want to aspire to do daily or weekly. Things like exercise, health, and productivity habits are right in front of you to do to keep your streaks.
Focus Sessions - Focus sessions are a way for you to really start a timed session dedicated to really focus on one task or project. We have a traditional timer or Pomodoro, which is a system where you focus for a set time(like 25 minutes) followed by a break(5 minutes) and then that cycle is repeated until 4 focus sessions are completed.
Features
These are the main features that you will enjoy when upgrading to the premium version. Watch your productivity soar.
Weather - We hope you find it very handy to have your weather and forecasts shown right along with your calendar events. Apple weather forecasts for your location, along with forecasts shown for events when you travel.
Quick Entry - Also called Natural Language Entry , this is a way to type in your events and the app will parse to try to create the event based on what you say like “Meeting at 9pm at Bobs Cafe”, this uses its own entry view that also will show you templates and locations to try to predict what you are typing.
Icons - Icons are a great way to assign meaning to events, calendars, and keywords so you very quickly recognize what is coming up in your agenda without having to even read text. Some users love the visual cue that assigning these icons give you.
Hashtags - We have built out a system that can assign tags to your events and reminders in order to use them to filter and sort your items quickly and assign colors and icons.
Advanced Views - Extra calendar views are in the premium version including the Block Week and Agenda List views for when those solutions are the way you want to visualize your schedule.
Calendar
Single Calendar Filters - The app features a very powerful filtering system, which can be turned on/off at the bottom of the calendar screens. This option allows you to populate that list initially with each individual calendar you have turned on, so a filter selection will be available for each. If this is off, the filters will be exclusively specialty filters and custom filters created using the “+ create filter” available in the filter bar.
Note: Custom Filter’s is one of the most powerful features of the app.
Default Length - This is the default length of the event when it is created.
Drag and Drop - A lot of the calendar screens have the ability to drag reminders and events from a day list to another day in order to reschedule it. If you turn this feature off, the day views then are likely to have very advanced context menus with a bunch of features to interact with the item when you hard press and hold on them
Month
Month Display - The main way to customize your month calendar. If you want to see text, icons, timeline bars, dots, the weather, or Birthday images, this is where you can choose the look that best suits you. Note: If you would like to use multiple different displays, using a custom calendar filter allows you to quickly swap between calendar looks, as well as what is contained in them.
Text Size - When drawing the calendar using calendar text, this sets the size used.
Week Start - When drawing the calendar this will start the calendar based on the day selected.
Colored Text - When drawing the month days, if using text this will draw that text in the calendar or tag color associated with this event.
Week Numbers - Shows the week numbers in front of each row of the calendar.
Hide Other Months: In the depiction of the month, if some days show are in the previous or next month, it will just show them as blank if this is on, otherwise they will be grayed.
Landscape Next Month: On iPad and Mac if you have this on, it will show a small Month below the day for next month.
Note: You can turn the month into a full screen view without the day view or a week view that has the week as a strip of days at the top, by swiping up and down, or using the zoom menu options.
Week
Horizontal - On the “Block Week” this will change from reading up and down to left and right.
First Day - On the “Block Week” you can set the first day including starting with today.
Day
Wrapping Events
Status Icons - These are small icons that are shown in the Grid and on the right of the events and reminder in the day view of the month screen. They indicate things like if a list, location, attendees, or note is present, or if it is recurring.
Three Day Grid - The timeline day grid main view can be shown as a single day or 3 day view on the iPhone. A 7 day option is available on iPad and Mac.
Day Bar - A day bar is a visual timeline of your current day. It shows all 24 hours with coloring shown where in the day events are scheduled.
Reminders
Default View - In the Lists it is the default view type you want to see, either list or card.
Hide Recent- In the main overview of all Reminders, you can hide the section called recent, which shows you which groups you have accessed the most recently
Overdue Today - This will show overdue dated reminders on today on the calendar if they haven’t been completed.
Hide Completed - This hides reminders in the calendar views (and possibly list views depending on sorting) if they have been completed.
Hide Sublists - In the Reminder list views you can use have the embedded sub-lists shown inline and indented.
Note: Reminder lists contain some of their own settings including creating custom reminder views(which are similar to custom category filters) and the ability to set the sort options on each view or list individually.
Contacts
Default View - For groups and the full list, the default view type you want to see, either list or card.
Hide Recent - In the main overview of all Contacts, you can hide the section called recent, which shows you which groups you have accessed the most recently.
Projects
Default View - In the projects Kanban screen the format, either List or Card based.
Notifications
Event Notifications - This turns on that you want to use Ulti-Planner as your notification system for upcoming events. Most people then want to turn them off from the Apple Calendar app or other apps.
Reminder Notifications - This turns on that you want to use Ulti-Planner as your notification system for upcoming reminders.
Focus
Focus Length - In the focus session the length of the main focus sessions either as a focus timer, or in Pomodoro.
Break Length - In Pomodoro mode the length of each break between focusing.
Note: The screen also has a few settings including a switch that if on records your completed focus session as an event, and the ability to turn on sound, vibrate, and to keep your system awake when using.
Advanced
Badge Type - On the main app icon when not in the app you can set a number badge that shows things like the today’s date day or number of events.
Open Maps - Select your default Map app, so when the app tries to open a map, it will use your preferred map app.
Open Links - Select you preferred browser so when we try to open links it will open in that browser.
Start On - This allows you to select what screen you want the app to open to when it is re-opened after it has been closed. Note: The “Today Hub” is only available if you select it here as the screen to open to.
Event Edit - We have our own Event editor screen that has its own advantages including typeahead suggestions, tags, and embedded lists. But Apple has some built-in things that they do not give 3rd party apps access to, so we offer the use of their built-in editor as well, to use things like Travel Time, Invitees, and Attachments.
Search
Search Back - In the Search view, the system can be set to go back only a shorter time or up to 10 years.

My character has been stuck getting +10 rads in power armor, and +4 outside of power armor. This only happens after I enter any power armor but can be resolved by fast traveling, but then starts again when I enter my power armor. This started after I went to the Glowing Sea for Virgil's quest.
Here is my load order:
*Unofficial Fallout 4 Patch.esp
*PPF.esm
*WorkshopFramework.esm
*HUDFramework.esm
*SS2.esm
*SS2_XPAC_Chapter2.esm
*SS2_XPAC_Chapter3.esm
*AmericaRising2.esm
*XDI.esm
*CWPointLookoutFO4.esm
*CWPointLookoutFO4Patch.esl
*PLExpressivePlayer.esl
*ThrowMoneyAtSS2.esl
*DundeeStoryWealthCityPlansPack01.esl
*DundeesStorywealthLeaderPack.esl
*DundeeStoryWealthCityPlansPack02.esl
*DundeeStoryWealthOutpostPack.esl
*DCGuard_Overhaul.esp
*SouthOfTheSea.esm
*DiamondCityAmbience.esl
*BlairResidence.esl
*AshlandStationSettlement.esp
*Natural Landscapes.esl
*Ownership Fixes.esp
*TrueStormsFO4.esm
*Legendary, rearmed.esl
*HoloDisplay.esl
*NukaGirlNoHelmet.esl
*3dscopes-nightvision.esl
*Darlene.esm
*InGameCollectibleMaps.esl
*StoryWealth-AnimTextData.esl
*LIF.esl
*AUR_Rebuild_Shared.esp
*BakaFullscreenPipboy.esm
*CanarySaveFileMonitor.esl
*BakaFramework.esm
*NewPADisplay.esl
*SantasSlayPaint.esl
*vetaUglyChristmasSweaterVests.esl
*HiPolyFacesCompanionPlugin.esl
*UniversalDisassembler.esl
*REFramework.esm
*Eli_Display Shelves.esl
*T65PA.esl
*ClassicSuperSledge.esl
*HellcatPA.esl
*NCRArmourPack.esl
*Reverse Combat Armor.esl
*Skb_MachinegunsRebirth.esl
*Zapgun.esl
*DC Guard Variations.esl
*RemingtonNewArmy.esl
*RemingtonNewArmy-GlowingMidwana.esl
*YouAndWhatArmy2.esm
*KillTips_by_tooun.esl
*KARMA.esm
*ConfigurableHotkeys.esl
*FOVSlider.esl
*GCM_DLC_Automatron.esl
*GCM_DLC_Far_Harbor.esl
*QuestTweaks-DLC04MS01.esl
*ImmersiveDogmeat.esl
*NukaWorldOpenSeasonExtend.esl
*Rusty Face Fix.esl
*Combat AutoSave.esl
*SS2_XDI Patch.esp
*SS2Extended.esp
*the library.esp
*The House.esp
*The House - eXoPatch.esp
*the library - eXoPatch.esp
*MaxwellsWorl.esp
*SS2-Jampads2.esp
*SS2WastelandVenturers.esp
*[SS2 Addon] SimSettlements SuperStructures.esp
*SS2_Addon_NWE.esp
*SS2_ruined_simsettlement_addonpack.esp
*SS2_Addon_R2R.esp
*JunkTownTwo.esp
*SS2WastelandReconstructionKit.esp
*CBBE.esp
*SS2_DLCSettlerPatch.esp
*RED.esp
*SS2_SIMPDDDD.esp
*MaxwellsWorl XDI Patch.esp
*DD_All_the_COncrete.esp
*SS2AOP_VaultTecTools.esp
*SS2_Addon_FHE.esp
*BasementLiving.esp
*StoryWealth-Workshop.esp
*ohSIM_Sim2_Settlements_Scrappers_Addon.esp
*[SS2 Addon] BloodMoonRaiders.esp
*SS2-PraRandomAddon.esp
*SimSettlements2_AddOnPack_ApocalypticAdditions_SirLach.esp
*Phase4DLC.esp
*Hunkered Down - No AtomCatsGarage.esp
*3DNPC_FO4.esp
*3DNPC-eXoPatch.esp
*DCGuard_Overhaul-StoryWealth.esp
*OutcastsAndRemnants.esp
*RaiderOverhaul.esp
*Wasteland Illumination.esp
*ProjectValkyrie.esp
*Depravity.esp
*PLI_Roadside_Pines_Motel.esp
*ImmersiveDrumlinDiner.esp
*StoryWealth-HunkeredDown.esp
*Vault4.esp
*Stm_DiamondCityExpansion.esp
*FarHarborStory.esp
*BetterFarHarbor_Open.esp
*3DNPC_FO4_DLC.esp
*GhoulBlood.esp
*RotPP.esp
*Firelance2.5.esp
*Radical.esp
*PLI_Federal_Ration_Stockpile.esp
*PLIFRS_HD_Patch.esp
*OutcastsAndRemnants-SS2-Patch.esp
*Children of Ug Qualtoth.esp
*KellyManor.esp
*PLI_Dark_Hollow_Pond.esp
*PLI_Unmarked_Raider_Camps_P1.esp
*Flashy_CrimeAndPunishment_GunForHire_Addon.esp
*GunForHire-eXoPatch.esp
*3DNPC_FO4Settler.esp
*CSEPLoadedBases.esp
*IntGrievingRaider.esp
*RansackedRelay.esp
*Rsiyo'sLocationPack.esp
*IntWayneGorski.esp
*PLI_HarbormasterHotel.esp
*PLI_Unmarked_Raider_Camps_P2.esp
*LimaOutpost.esp
*OldTimeReligion.esp
*Science Kit.esp
*Very Zen FGEP Tanks.esp
*ellen.esp
*SelectPack.esp
*llamaCompanionHeatherv2.esp
*Miami Misadventures EP1.esp
*WilkesEstate.esp
*StoryWealth-SRD-PlayerHome.esp
*0_Vault120.esp
*IntWayneGorski-Assistant.esp
*CavesOfTheCommonwealth.esp
*KellyManor-Delayed.esp
*shoddymemone.esp
*In The Flesh.esp
*AtomicRadio.esp
*FatherCompanion.esp
*XG_CabotHouse_Enhanced_Quests.esp
*Artist Raider.esp
*Lima - Storywealth patch.esp
*StoryWealth Undergroundhideout SrD-Patch.esp
*3DNPC_FO4-UFO4P.esp
*GunForHire-eXoPatch-Leader.esp
*LimaOutpost-RealSimulation.esp
*ProjectValkyrie-SS2-Patch.esp
*shoddymemone-eXoPatch.esp
*LiveLove - Heather_Valkyrie.esp
*Vault4-Depravity.esp
*CavesOfTheCommonwealth-StoryWealth.esp
*StoryWealth-SRD-PlayerHome-CityPlan.esp
*CavesOfTheCommonwealth-TheMechSettler.esp
*Tina's Candy Land.esp
*DiamondCityExpansion-RedSeat.esp
*[ARRETH] FGEP-DE.esp
*[ARRETH] FGEP-DE NoKnockDown.esp
*Radical-eXoPatch.esp
*Radical-RaiderMaterial.esp
*Vault4-HuxsLabcoat.esp
*In The Flesh - Feral Embrace.esp
*AshlandStation_ModerateLighting.esp
*SRD-SharedWorkshops-GFHnH.esp
*FGEP - Idle Volume Fix.esp
*WET.esp
*Natural Grasses & Groundcovers.esp
*Fixed Gobo Effects.esp
*Ultimate Window Overhaul.esp
*Ultimate Window Overhaul Cubemaps.esp
*Makeshifttextures.esp
*Minutemen Paint Job.esp
*FOLIP - After Generation.esp
*DiamondCityExpansion-eXoPatch.esp
*StoryWealthLocation-DiamondCity.esp
*eXofied Depravity - Fallons.esp
*RecruitableSettlers.esp
*CheatTerminal.esp
*InstituteSettlements2.esp
*RecruitableSettlers-Unbroken.esp
*SS2_FDK_TinyLiving.esp
*RecruitableSettlersFH.esp
*GoodneighborView.esp
*Eli_Armour_Compendium.esp
*FastTravelFromQuestHubs.esp
*OutcastsAndRemnants-StoryWealth.esp
*Children of Ug Qualtoth-SrD-Patch.esp
*FO4 NPCs Travel.esp
*OldTimeReligion-Legendary.esp
*AmericaRising2-FatherCompanion.esp
*PD_LowerWeapon.esp
*Configurable Artillery.esp
*GatlingLaserAmmoFix.esp
*LooksMirror.esp
*PhotoMode.esp
*SettlementMenuManager.esp
*Mors Shortcut to Curie.esp
*BetterSettlers.esp
*TheEyesOfBeauty.esp
*MoreVariedBodyShapesAndSkins.esp
*ss2c23dnpcpatch.esp
*eXofied Depravity - Barter.esp
*No_BloodWorm_MoleRats_Scorpion_Teleport-BugFix.esp
*SkipDiMAMemories.esp
*StoryWealth-MinorTweaks.esp
*DLC Timing.esp
*Dank_ArmorOverrides.esp
*eXofied Depravity - Fallons Refitted.esp
*DCGuard_Overhaul-3DNPC-FO4Settler.esp
*SS2_MagnussonTerminalFix.esp
*RecruitableSettlersLeaders2.esp
*DCGuard_Overhaul-Depravity.esp
*RaiderOverhaul - A StoryWealth Patch.esp
*Better Vertibird LiTE.esp
*BoS_HagenFix.esp
*AmericaRising2-Depravity.esp
*AmericaRising2-ProjectValkyrie.esp
*GunForHire-AmericaRising2.esp
*AmericaRising2-StoryWealth-Lighting.esp
*FusionCoreCapacity.esp
*ProjectValkyrie-SRD-Patch.esp
*LooksMenu.esp
*SkipHSH1_6.esp
*AzarPonytailHairstyles.esp
*DarkerNightsDetection.esp
*Depravity-eXoPatch.esp
*SouthOfTheSea-Atomic.esp
*SouthOfTheSea-Atomic-Ashland.esp
*Keeper of the Commonwealth Radiants.esp
*DCGuard_Overhaul-SS2.esp
*CheatTerminal-StoryWealth.esp
*3dscopes-replacer.esp
*Firelance2.5-10mmSMG.esp
*TrueStormsFO4-FarHarbor.esp
*TrueStormsFO4-NukaWorld-FH-Compat.esp
*AUR_Rebuild_AIO_Pt01.esp
*AUR_Rebuild_AIO_Pt02.esp
*LootableCars-Exiguous.esp
*Rebuild_SanctuaryRoads.esp
*Ketaros_Treasures.esp
*SettleObjExpandPack.esp
*Better Manufacturing.esp
*ManufacturingExtended.esp
*Better Manufacturing - Menu Organization.esp
*Better Manufacturing - Manufacturing Extended Additions.esp
*DLC items to manufacturing.esp
*SRD-SharedWorkshops-FSDnHH.esp
*eXoKetarosLootableTreasures.esp
*SRD-SharedWorkshops-HnH.esp
*KSHairdos.esp
*Cho1SS2FlagsMod.esp
*LegendariesTheyCanUse.esp
*SuperMutantRedux.esp
*Rebuild_AIO-eXoPatch.esp
*AUR_Rebuild_SancNoRuinHouses.esp
*W.A.T.Minutemen.esp
*NukaRDC.esp
*cVc Dead Wasteland 6.esp
*cVc Dead Wasteland 6 DLC.esp
*cVc Dead Wasteland 6 DLC2.esp
*cVc Dead Wasteland 6 DLC3.esp
*ZerasPaintings.esp
*FilledBrahminFeedTroughs.esp
*cVc Fishery.esp
*GCM.esp
*ImmersiveVendors.esp
*KSHairdos_oel.esp
*LooksMenu Customization Compendium.esp
*Hairstyles for Male and Female.esp
*No More Fake Puddles - Nuka World 1-0.esp
*RutahTattooPack_FO4.esp
*SS2WalledGardensAndMore.esp
*Vault-Tec Workshop Overhaul Redux.esp
*Vault88 - Essentials.esp
*The Eyes Of Beauty.esp
*OCDecorator.esp
*OCDecoratorDLC.esp
*OCDispenser.esp
*M8rDisablePipboyEffects.esp
*DarleneDLC.esp
*Better_Notes.esp
*AB-UFO4P-BetterNotes-Patch.esp
*Publick Occurrences Expanded.esp
*RadRifleReload.esp
*Laser Weapon Reanimated.esp
*Dank_ECO.esp
*WattzLaserGun.esp
*WattzLaserGunPAFootstepFix.esp
*Assault Rifle Reanimated.esp
*Hidden Armor - Invisible Paint.esp
*CCOFoxyFactionsCraftable.esp
*CCOSaucySettlersCraftable.esp
*CCOVulgarVillainsCraftable.esp
*CCOCheekyCasualsCraftable.esp
*3DNPC-CCO.esp
*CCOEliArmourBench.esp
*ClassicSniper.esp
*eXoKetarosPostCardRack.esp
*eXoKetarosBoardGamesShelf.esp
*eXoMagazineShelf.esp
*StoryWealth-LIFPatch.esp
*MTs255.esp
*eXoKetarosLootableTreasures-HunkeredDown.esp
*Dank_ECO_DisablePlacedItems.esp
*DOOMThatGun.esp
*DOOMThatGun-3dScopes.esp
*DCRE.esp
*DCRE-FixRadio.esp
*LootableCars-eXtraDurable.esp
*eXoCombatArmorKneePadsWNB.esp
*Lore Friendly Posters.esp
*StoryWealth-LFP_DLC_Patch.esp
*eXoNukaGirlOutfit.esp
*StoryWealth-ECO-Settings.esp
*Dank_ECO_DLCCoast.esp
*Dank_ECO_DLCNukaWorld.esp
*Dank_ECO_DLCRobot.esp
*Graffity2ElectricBoogaloo.esp
*Graffity2ElectricBoogaloo-SMMPatch.esp
*Nexus_PMC.esp
*EveryonesBestFriend.esp
*LMBTOverlays.esp
*Quieter Settlements - Contraptions.esp
*Quieter Settlements - Vanilla.esp
*Quieter Settlements - Wasteland Workshop.esp
*Better Manufacturing - Manufacturing Extended Expanded Patch WO.esp
*Legendary, rearmed - Deadeye.esp
*Legendary, rearmed - We Use.esp
*Ketaros_Treasures-FramedPosters.esp
*ProtoVaultSuitPaintjobs.esp
*NukaVimRack.esp
*SS2_RobotMod.esp
*StoryWealth-UniversalDisassember.esp
*Legendary, rearmed - America Rising 2.esp
*AmericaRising2-Armaments-Marine.esp
*AmericaRising2-StoryWealth-Armaments.esp
*NukaRDC-VimFix.esp
*DarkerNights.esp
*KSHairdosExtra.esp
*OWR.esp
*OWR_CraftableDecor.esp
*OWR_CraftableDecor_CW.esp
*HiPolyFaces.esp
*Radium.esp
*W.A.T.Minutemen-CraftedGuard.esp
*AmericaRising2-Armaments-3dScopes.esp
*MTs255-3dScopes.esp
*MTs255-UniqueArmors.esp
*CommonwealthEncounterPack.esp
*REPatch_AmericaRising2LegacyOfTheEnclave.esp
*REPatch_CrimeAndPunishmentGunForHire.esp
*Legendary, rearmed - Ashland Station.esp
*Eli_Display Shelves-StoryWealth.esp
*DCGuard_ArmorOverhaul.esp
*DCGuard_ArmorOverhaul-eXoPatch.esp
*DCGuard_ArmorOverhaul-3DNPC.esp
*Eli_Armour_Compendium-INNReXpanded.esp
*SettleObjExpandPack_GlassRoofRainStop.esp
*The House - Ketaros.esp
*Eli_Immersive Coffee Mod 9000 GTX French Roast.esp
*Bengal - long lasting Flare.esp
*CM9_PartyFavors_Chuckit.esp
*Backpacks of the Commonwealth.esp
*StoryWealth-Minutemen.esp
*Alias.esp
*W.A.T.Minutemen-Alias.esp
*CombinedArmsNV.esp
*CombinedArmsEXPack.esp
*TrueReporter.esp
*DT_GunnerOutfitPack.esp
*FO4ParticlePatch.esp
*DTG_LeveledListIntegration.esp
*Dank_WOP-CombinedArms.esp
*Mk41GyrojetHMG.esp
*We Have Names SE.esp
*HellcatPA-GunnerPatrol.esp
*CROSS_MojaveManhunter.esp
*F4NVServiceRifleRedux.esp
*LAER.esp
*AER15.esp
*DX_Banshee_Recon_Armor.esp
*Backpacks of the Commonwealth - eXoPatch.esp
*SubmersiblePowerArmorRedux.esp
*AtomsGloryThreads.esp
*CorvalhoWidowShotgun.esp
*CagebreakerPowerArmor.esp
*DX_Black_Widow.esp
*CoAPowerArmor.esp
*CROSS_Blades.esp
*CROSS_CoA.esp
*CROSS_InstituteExpeditionarySuit.esp
*CROSS_CourserStrigidae.esp
*X12Plasmacaster.esp
*BullpupBozar.esp
*Enclave-X02.esp
*HN66-SiriusArmor.esp
*HN66Fo4_EasyGirl_BS.esp
*Post Nuclear Girl.esp
*RedShiftPowerArmor.esp
*NVRH Enhanced.esp
*Rebel of Apocalypse.esp
*sarahRageArmor.esp
*SimplyCosmeticPipboyPaintjobs.esp
*SimplyCosmeticPipboyPaintjobs-FactionPack.esp
*TERARogue.esp
*TheKite_Railroad_Handmaiden.esp
*tschutschiWardrobe2.esp
*WestTekTacticalOptics.esp
*Nanosuit.esp
*GaussRevolver.esp
*Cranky.esp
*T51_TigerClaw_Paint.esp
*Viper6610.esp
*Tactical Flashlights.esp
*Tactical Flashlights - Settings.esp
*EquippableDogmeatSkinsRedux.esp
*Publick Occurrences Expanded - DLC-SS2-UFO4P Patch.esp
*Minigun - Spun Up.esp
*ACR-W17.esp
*CagebreakerPowerArmor-Flamer.esp
*Defy.esp
*DX Courser X-92 Power Suit.esp
*DX_Predator.esp
*T65PA_BOS.esp
*Dank_WOP-CombinedArms_Inject.esp
*Toxic Raider Armour.esp
*PMC_extended.esp
*DX_Atom_Girl_Outfit.esp
*MGRemesh.esp
*Evil Detective Outfit.esp
*K9TacticalHarness.esp
*LAER Automatron Weapons.esp
*ThatsGunnerLife.esp
*4estGimp - GOP NPC LL Integration Update.esp
*BK_GOP_NLLI_MPA.esp
*DT_GunnerOutfitPack-Optics.esp
*StoryWealth-Gunners.esp
*WestTekTacticalOptics-InvisiblePaint.esp
*TheKite_Railroad_Handmaiden-Lantern.esp
*StoryWealth-Gunners-TessasPA.esp
*AmericaRising2-Armaments-X02.esp
*Toxic Raider - Black Death.esp
*Dr. Phibbs Neuro-Atomic Limbs - Institute Expeditionary Suit.esp
*DPNAL Mojave Manhunter.esp
*Dr. Phibbs' Neuro-Atomic Limbs - TheKite's Handmaiden.esp
*Dr. Phibbs' Neuro-Atomic Limbs - Courser Strigidae.esp
*CROSS_eXoAtomic_CourserStrigidae.esp
*CROSS_eXoAtomic_InstituteExpeditionarySuit.esp
*CROSS_eXoAtomic_MojaveManhunter.esp
*TheKite_eXoAtomic_Railroad_Handmaiden.esp
*T51_Sakura_Paint.esp
*Consistent Power Armor Overhaul.esp
*WestTekTacticalOptics-eXoInjection.esp
*Tactical Flashlights - eXoPatch.esp
*SouthOfTheSea-Atomic-CROSSCoA.esp
*Tactical Flashlights - In The Flesh.esp
*HalfAffinityCooldown.esp
*NoNegativeAffinityNoFucks.esp
*Luxor's Summer Pine Trees Edition.esp
*GunnersOverhaul.esp
*More Smarter Companions Mod.esp
*NAC.esp
*Fog of War.esp
*SkipKelloggMemories.esp
*strong_PA.esp
*tumbajamba Advanced Engineering.esp
*strong_PA - tAE.esp
*Slide.esp
*WorkshopPack.esp
*Pip2000MkVi_Replacer.esp
*Glock19x.esp
*Ev_CPA10.esp
*EV_CPA10_LL.esp
*Suit Up.esp
*[ETH] ADS Sound Replacer - Packed.esp
*Follower Revive System.esp
*Grasslands - Healthy.esp
*Convenient Bridges.esp
*CruiseShipWreck.esp
*Reverb and Ambiance Overhaul.esp
*CGOsoundsplugin.esp
*NAC-FH.esp
*NAC-NW.esp
*Cinematic Lensflares.esp
*StoryWealth-TrueStorms-Patch.esp
*largepowerx100.esp
*slootyVaultSuit.esp
*Gorgeous VaultGirl.esp
*NewRecipes.esp
*NewRecipesFH.esp
*NewRecipesNW.esp
*StoryWealth-PipBoySettings.esp
*Alias - Settler.esp
*Alias - Introduction Needed - Settler.esp
*LetMeUseThat.esp
*CombatZoneRestored.esp
*Livewire by Shiagur.esp
*FortunateCapsStashes.esp
*StoryWealthCollectibles SMM.esp
*XDI-AR2 patch.esp
*Alias - Brotherhood.esp
*AliasExpanded.esp
*Alias - Introduction Needed - Brotherhood.esp
*GtN_SettlersatPlay.esp
*ShieldedSettlers.esp
*Raze My Settlement.esp
*FGEP-Legendary.esp
*EnhancedLightsandFX.esp
*StoryWealth-eXoWeaponsModern.esp
*Vault4-eXoPatch.esp
*F4NVServiceRifleRedux-UnofficialUpdate-Lite.esp
*MaxwellsWorl-eXoPatch.esp
*StoryWealth-eXoWeaponsLoreFriendly.esp
*StoryWealthLocation-CrabShack.esp
*StoryWealth-SS2-DEP-Patch.esp
*MFGeXopansionPatch.esp
*The House - Tree.esp
*ImmersiveDrumlinDiner-eXoPatch.esp
*PLI-MoreRaiders.esp
*Miami Misadventures EP1 - eXoPatch.esp
*3dscopes-defaultreticle.esp
*3dscopes-laer.esp
*3dscopes-replacer-gyrojet.esp
*3dscopes-replacer-bullpupbozar.esp
*3dscopes-replacer-classicsniper.esp
*3dscopes-replacer-servicerifle.esp
*3dscopes-replacer-wattz.esp
*Legendary, rearmed - Explosive.esp
*StoryWealth-eXoMagazineBalance.esp
*Mk41GyrojetHMG - A StoryWealth Patch.esp
*StoryWealth-eXoArmors.esp
*StoryWealth-eXoArmorsCrafted.esp
*StoryWealth-eXoArmorsCraftedSorter.esp
*StoryWealth-eXoArmorsCraftedSkimpy.esp
*MaxwellsWorl-eXoXDIPatch.esp
*Vault4-FastTravel.esp
*eXofied Settlers.esp
*MFGeXopansionPatch-SotS.esp
*RaiderOverhaul-StoryWealth-VariedBases.esp
*MFGeXopansionPatch-AmericaRising2.esp
*StoryWealth-RadioReboot.esp
*REPatch_StoryWealth.esp
*MFGeXopansionPatch-SS2.esp
*3DNPC_FO4-Patch.esp
*SouthOfTheSea[Previs].esp
*AmericaRising2-StoryWealth-World.esp
*HellcatPA-GunnerPatrol-SotSPatch.esp
*PRP.esp
*PLI_USAF_Satellite_Station_Olivia.esp
*ELFX-PreVis.esp
*RotPP-eXoPatch.esp
*ELFX-Phase4DLC.esp
*ELFX-Hunkered Down.esp
*ELFX-eXoPatch.esp
*ELFX-Firelance2.5.esp
*ELFX-IntWayneGorski.esp
*DiamondCity-PreVis.esp
*ELFX-OAR.esp
*DiamondCity-ELFX-PreVis.esp
*PLI-StoryWealth.esp
*Rebuild_AIO-StoryWealth-World.esp
*PRP-SS2.esp
*StoryWealth-PreVis.esp
*Scrap Everything - Ultimate Edition.esp
*Pip-Boy Flashlight.esp
*Realistic_conversations.esp
*SettlementTidyBot.esp
*RBValentineJawSync.esp
*ImmersiveAnimationFramework.esp
*IAF - Far Harbor & Nuka World.esp
*SettlementTidyBot-NoInteriorPatch.esp
*Realistic Death Physics - ALL DLC.esp
*IAF-SlowTime.esp
*IAF-SlowTime-StoryWealth.esp
*4estGimp - Weapon Death Drop Fix.esp
*StoryWealth-eXoteriorPatch.esp
*StoryWealth-CellDataPatch.esp
*StoryWealth-SS2-eXoteriorPatch.esp
*StoryWealth-LeveledList.esp
*StoryWealth-CPLX-Sorter.esp
*StoryWealth-ChemlabSorted.esp
*StoryWealth-eXoSorterPatch.esp
*StoryWealth-SS2-CPLX-Sorter.esp
*StoryWealth-SS2-eXoSorterPatch.esp
​

You sit shoulder to shoulder in the auditorium. Your scratchy black suit rubs against two arms wrapped in finer material. You shift in your seat, moving uncomfortably in the plush chair beneath you. Your leg is shaking; you are anxious for the show to begin. The massive room rumbles with murmurs of conversation—inquisitions about how the show will be, complaints of hunger, protests of too-tight clothing, and ties choking necks. You are silent.
September 6, 1981
Louise trudged up the dusty gravel path towards her home, a rotted trailer perched atop a steep hill. The bus driver never ventured up the path, leaving Louise to trek the quarter mile herself. She stopped momentarily and watched as the yellow bus sped away; the shadow of a lone hand waved her goodbye. She waved back, too late for anyone to see it, “Bye, Miles.”
Her house stank of cigarette smoke. The soft shag carpet collected to odor, spitting it out with every step. The windows and walls were yellowed with nicotine. The trailer was quiet; the constant droning of the radiator was the only thing to be heard. Louise set her backpack down and walked into the kitchen to make herself dinner. Her mother wouldn’t be home for several hours, and school lunch was never enough.
After Louise ate a measly bowl of microwaved leftover Kraft, she sat down to do her homework. She pulled out the math sheet they had gotten that day. Numbers shifted and combined; they peeled off the page and swam around her. Louise needed help. She dialed a number she knew by heart. The line rang.
“Hello?” a woman’s voice answered, her voice slightly distorted through the phone.
“Hi, Mrs. Wilson,” Louise said in a timid voice.
“Hi, Louise,” Mrs. Wilson’s voice softened, “I’ll get him for you.”
Louise heard her muffled yell, “Thank you, ma’am.”
“Hey Louise! What’s up?” a boy's voice asked.
“Hi, Miles. Have you done your math homework?”
“I’m doing it right now.”
Louise stretched the cord to where she sat at the table, “Great.”
The lights dim, and silence washes over the crowd. The curtains part. Fifty people in tuxedos sit on stage, various instruments in hand. The conductor stands tall. He introduces the orchestra, lifts his gloved hands, and the music begins.
March 9, 1983
“You’re still coming, right?” Miles questioned nervously.
“Yes, Miles, I’m still coming,” Louise rolled her eyes before smiling at him.
Miles relaxed a little bit, “Okay, good.”
Miles had mousy brown hair that was cut short. His dad had served in the military, so he thought this boy should have a ‘man’s haircut.’ He was tan even in the wintertime. He had bright hazel eyes that glowed electric green in the sunlight. Louise was about an inch taller than Miles, a fact she was immensely proud of.
The pair walked down the school hallway. It was Friday. Wonderful, glorious Friday. Louise rejoiced in the days that she didn’t have to come into school and pretend she liked people— pretend she liked anything, really. She hated the teachers, her peers, the hospital grey of the walls. She liked Miles. He ignored the cigarette stink of her clothes and the rudeness of her tone.
Today was Miles’ birthday. He’ll be ten. Miles had invited everyone to the party; there would be a bounce house. He’s ‘going all out for the big one o’ as he kept telling Louise. She was nervous about the party; her gift was okay at best, and she dreaded the disappointed but polite smile she knew Miles would pull.
“My mom will be here right after school to pick us up. You know what my mom’s car looks like, right?” Miles asked.
“Yeah, I remember.”
Lousie walked out to Mrs. Wilson’s car, a sleek, silver Porsche; Louise felt like a celebrity when she rode in it—rich and important.
“Hi, Louise,” Mrs. Wilson smiled, “How was school?”
“Hi, Mrs. Wilson. It was good.”
Louise settled into the plush leather seats and set her backpack in front of her. They sat in silence for a moment, the soft drum of the radio filling the air. Miles ripped open the door, excitement lighting up his face. He sat down, his position mirroring Louise’s.
“Hey, buddy. How was your day?” Mrs. Wilson asked.
“It was great, Mom,” he smiled.
She smiled back warmly, “Well, that’s good.”
Mrs. Wilson pulled out of the parking lot, Louise and Miles chatted idly about school and the party. After a short while, they pulled up to Miles’ house—a two-story white house with columns in front. Louise loved it. Sometimes, during sleepovers, late at night, she pretended it was hers. She quietly walked down hallways, running her fingertips across the smooth wallpaper. She felt the soft carpet on her bare toes and imagined it knew the shape and weight of her foot. She opened the fridge and pretended not to be surprised at the selection of food that awaited her. Then, she would return to Miles’ room and lie down next to him in the sleeping bag he lent her, stare up at the tiny glowing stars stuck on his ceiling, and pretend it was her and her mom that put them up— that it was her mom that held the step stool for her so she wouldn't fall.
Louise and Miles hopped out of the car, ran up to his room, and plopped their bags down. They still had a few hours before their other classmates would arrive. They sat on the ground and leaned against the bed. Louise pulled out Miles’ gift from her bag and handed the small gift bag to him, “Happy Birthday.”
“It’s not time for the party,” Miles said, confusion evident in his voice.
Louise shrugged, “I wanted to give it to you now.”
Miles smiled at her before gently taking the tissue paper out of the bag and reaching in. He pulled out a light blue paper swan. Lousie had spent hours getting the folds just right so the paper was sharp instead of rumpled. It was beautiful.
“Louise,” Miles started, his face curved into a slight frown, like he was about to cry, “Thank you.”
“Do you really like it?” Louise asked nervously; she fidgeted with her fingernails.
Miles set the swan down gently and dove towards her, wrapping her in a hug, “I love it.”
The party was a hit. Louise nearly made herself sick from the combination of an ungodly amount of candy and jumping in the bounce house. Almost everyone from their class was there, shoving presents in Miles’ hands before running to the snacks and entertainment. Night fell, and Louise climbed in the Porsche again, though it was just her and Mrs. Wilson this time.
“Did you have a good time, Louise?” she asked, making eye contact through the rearview mirror.
“Yeah, it was awesome. Thank you for having me,” Louise responded, polite as ever.
“Oh, you are always welcome, sweetie,” Mrs. Wilson smiled.
Louise looked out the window for the rest of the drive, the stars blurring against the black night sky. They pulled up to Louise’s house; her driveway was empty.
“Are you sure you are okay until your mom gets here?” Mrs. Wilson asked.
Louise smiled fakely, “Yeah I’ll be alright. She should be home soon.”
“Okay, sweetheart.”
Louise climbed out of the car and walked to her door. She looked back before stepping inside—Mrs. Wilson’s face was a mirage of pity and sympathy. Louise waved and stepped inside, choking down guilt as she did.
The sweet sound of a violin fills your ears—a lone instrument bellowing a quiet tune. It starts slow—soft, like a warm hand caressing your face, a mother wiping away your tears.
You forget yourself for a moment; you are back in your childhood home, where your bed is indented with your shape. You smell your favorite meal being cooked downstairs. You hear your mother humming her favorite song from the kitchen. Your father isn’t home yet. You are excited to see him.
You wish it were real.
It is not.
June 11, 1984
Louise was having a terrible day. Her mother was off work and slumming around the house— she was like a ghost in her own home, and she had nothing to do. They didn’t have cable this month, so Louise’s options were to sit in her bed and do nothing or visit Miles. She chose the latter. Louise bid her mom a short goodbye, telling her where she was going and not much else, and peddled off on her bike. She was drenched by the time she arrived at Miles’ house. So she ditched her bike in the grass and ran to ring the doorbell. Mrs. Wilson answered.
“Oh. Hello, Louise,” she smiled.
Mrs. Wilson was a nice woman, and Louise absolutely loved her. She was as thin as a twig but had a motherly warmth about her that Louise itched for. Miles was the spitting image of her, matching her tanned skin and bright eyes.
“I’m afraid Miles isn’t here,” she continued.
“Oh,” Louise said, disappointment swirling around her tongue.
“I’m sorry, hun,” Mrs. Wilson gave her a sympathetic look, “He’s out with his dad fishing for the day.”
“That’s okay,” Louise lied and started to walk back to where she abandoned her bike.
“Wait a second, sweetheart,” she called, “Do you want some lemonade? I’d hate to just send you home after you rode all this way.”
“Sure, Mrs. Wilson. Thank you.”
Louise followed her into the kitchen and sat down at one of the barstools to wait. It wasn’t long before she had a nice tall glass of lemonade in front of her and a bag of chips in her hand.
“You can go watch TV if you want,” Mrs. Wilson smiled at her, “I’ll be out in the garden if you ever need anything.”
“Okay, thank you,” Louise said.
She wandered into the living room, and the plush carpet under her feet felt amazing. She flicked on the television and turned it to her favorite cartoon station. She did feel strange behaving like she lived there, especially when the house was empty, but her desire to relax in the air conditioning trumped the feeling. She mindlessly watched Jerry outsmart Tom in the comfort of a home that wasn’t her’s.
Louise finished her snack but didn’t feel like returning home; she knew her mother would be there, heating the house with cigarettes and sex. Mary had moved on from Steve quickly. So, she laid down and continued watching television. At some point, she fell asleep. Louise woke up to the soft voices of Miles’ parents talking in the kitchen. Someone had turned the TV off and taken her dishes. She could hear the shower running upstairs. Louise had no idea what time it was; the sun was now visible in the living room windows, the sky was orange. She was about to get up and ask Mrs. Wilson when she heard her name. Miles’ parents were talking about her. She got up as quietly as she could and snuck closer to the swinging kitchen door.
“Is there something we can do?” Mrs. Wilson asked her husband in a concerned tone.
“I don’t think so, Jenny,” Mr. Wilson responded, “She just has a hard life, that’s all.”
“I feel like we should do more for her.”
Mr. Wilson sighed, “We can only help her when she’s here. You know what Mary thinks about handouts.”
“Oh, poor Mary,” Mrs. Wilson said, her tone sympathetic, “I should call her and tell her Louise is gonna stay the night.”
Louise heard footsteps sound in her direction. She ran as softly as she could back to her position on the couch, feigning sleep. Mrs. Wilson swung open the door and picked up the phone that hung on the wall next to it. Louise heard the click-clack of buttons being pressed, the muffled ringing, and then her mother’s voice on the other line.
“Hey, Mary,” Mrs. Wilson said, “Is it alright if Louise stays here tonight? She passed out on the couch and I don’t think it’d be smart to have her ride home now.”
Lousie couldn’t hear her mother's exact words, but she must have said it was fine because the next thing Louise knew, she was being picked up and carried up the stairs. Mrs. Wilson set her down in a room she was unfamiliar with. She figured it was the guest room. Mrs. Wilson kissed Louise gently on her forehead and told her goodnight in a whispered tone. Louise missed her mother.
The room was bird-themed. The walls were painted a dark navy, and a thin metal peacock stared at her from where it hung. A copy of the NATO phonetic alphabet was hanging, too. It must have been Miles’ old room. Louise remembered when he came to school in second grade and told her he was moving into the attic. There was an opening to the roof up there, and Miles was in love with the idea of sitting up there and watching the sun set and rise.
Miles was in love with a lot when he was little— the sun and sky, the warmth of his mother’s hugs, iced tea on a hot day. Louise didn’t think she was in love with anything. She didn’t think she ever would be. Louise was almost asleep, the plush, silky sheets lulling her into another bout of slumber. Her door squeaked open. Miles’ small frame was a shadow in the doorway. He looked so small. He didn’t walk into the room, choosing to loom in the entrance.
“Goodnight, Louise,” he said in a small voice.
“Goodnight, Miles.”
When you were little, you thought everything was perfect. The world was alive with hope and magic. Everyone got along, and there was nothing wrong.
Of course, now you know that is not true. But a part of you, a little tiny part, wants to go back to when you didn’t know. When life was good, and you didn’t know better.
That’s how the music sounds. Like you are an innocent kid sitting on the front porch eating a red cherry popsicle. The juice runs down your face. It looks like blood.
July 15, 1984
Louise was once again sitting in the back seat of the Wilsons’ Porsche, but this time, she was without a backpack-- sans her school clothes. She wore the itchy Easter dress her grandmother had gotten her two years prior. Louise wore it to her funeral. She stuck out like a sore thumb, a pastel beacon amongst the waves of black. It was Sunday—the Lord’s Day, as Mrs. Wilson had told her. Louise hadn’t been inside a church for a good reason—she’d never been to a regular Sunday mass. But last night, she had stayed the night at Miles’, so she was on her way to church. There were no ifs, ands, or buts about it.
They pulled into the parking lot, the ancient steeple looming over the car. Louise could recognize that it was a beautiful church, but the body of Christ hanging in the stained glass window did nothing to settle her nervous stomach. The pop of car doors sounded; there was no going back.
The wooden pew was uncomfortable, the kneelers even more so. She listened to Miles’ soft whispers of direction and did as he said. She fell and rose when she should; she crossed her arms instead of taking communion, she shook hands with strangers, and mumbled, ‘Peace be with you.’ And then it was over, and Louise was waking back to the car, her white flats cutting into her feet.
“What did you think, Louise?” Mrs. Wilson asked in a kind voice.
She shrugged her shoulders, “It was okay. I didn’t really know what to do.”
“You’ll learn,” Mrs. Wilson responded, a promise on the tip of her tongue.
Louise was silent on the ride back; she leaned against the window and watched as trees blurred together in a mirage of green. Louise didn’t know what it was like to believe in God. She thought she felt it there for a moment-- a quiet tingling in the back of her mind. But then she remembered that she wasn’t with her family; the Wilsons were not her parents. She remembered her mom was working a double today so they could have electricity. And what God would think that was fair? Not one Louise wanted to believe in.
The music sounds like the church hymns your mother made you sing. She meant well; she thought she was giving you the gift of her religion. You couldn’t tell her you didn’t want it. It was all she had ever known.
What child betrays their mother?
May 21, 1985
It was the summer after sixth grade. Lousie and Miles had biked to the pool in town, a desperate attempt to escape the heat. The air was thick and humid, and sweat sprouted from Louise's skin, dampening her shirt and shorts. The sun beamed down on her back; there wasn’t a cloud in sight. The pair parked their bikes out front and ran into the small building. A bored-looking teenager accepted their fifty cents each and let them in. The air reeked of chlorine, and the painted concrete was slick with warm water. Miles and Louise threw their towels down and began to shed their swimsuits. Louise’s hands were shaking with anticipation; she hadn't been to the pool in so long.
“Race you,” Miles said, darting towards the water's edge.
“No fair,” Louise groaned as she kicked off her flip-flops and ran after him.
Louise heard a distant whistle ringing and a call that running wasn’t allowed before she splashed into the blue depths. The cool water encapsulated her, and goosebumps formed on her skin. She bobbed to the surface and saw Miles climbing out and heading towards the diving board.
They stayed until the sun was beginning to set; Miles’ mom didn’t like him being out that late on his own yet, so they peddled back home soggy clothes and pruny skin.
When Louise returned to her house, it was dark. She could see the kitchen light shining out onto the brown lawn. Steve was home. Louise’s mom, Mary, had picked him up a few months back. He was a short, fat man. His breath always smelled like beer, yeasty and vile. He had dark hair and a beard to match. Her mother claimed she really liked him, but Louise knew she just needed someone to help pay the bills.
One of the few good things about having kids as young as Louise’s mom had her is that she never had a hard time finding a sleazy older guy to keep around. Being pretty also helped, and Mary sure was pretty. Mary was tall and slender, with long, curly auburn hair. She was covered in freckles and had eyes that glowed emerald green. When Louise was young, Mary would smile often, but as her eyebags grew, her smile faded. She could fake it when needed, but it was never like Louise remembered.
Mary and Louise could have been twins— minus the smile lines she didn’t think she’d ever have the chance to earn. Maybe that was why, when Louise walked into her kitchen in nothing more than a bathing suit, Steve forced himself on her.
You clutch the armrest on your chair, digging your nails into the fabric. The music is screeching, a distorted version of what it once was. You want to cry. You think your ears are bleeding. You bite the inside of your cheek, hoping to distract yourself from the perverted disgust mess of noise assaulting you. Your mouth tastes like metal. The urge to stand and walk, no, run, out of the theater is so strong you can hardly bear it.
You do not get up.
May 22, 1985
Miles called and asked if she wanted to go swimming again. Louise didn’t have the heart to tell him she never wanted to go swimming again, so she lied and said she was sick. Miles was at her door an hour later with a container of homemade cookies and Guess Who.
The two sit on the floor of Louise’s bedroom, the soft blanket she put down covering the scratchy carpet. Louise’s room was small and dingy. The walls were cracked and stained; she lived out of one small bureau that had been unceremoniously shoved into a corner of the room. Last Christmas, she begged her mother to help her hang lights on the ceiling. They were still up, casting a rainbow glow over the room. It was the only source of light she used. She had a small nightstand piled with pencils and markers; she had long since stained her light pink sheets while drawing. Cookie crumbles littered the floor. Louise was losing the game; most of her people were still up, while Miles only had about five people left to choose from. He chewed his lip in concentration. Louise usually laughed at him for it; he always seemed to take the board games they played too seriously. This time, she didn’t notice he was doing it.
“Does your person have brown hair?” Miles questioned.
Louise didn’t respond. “Louise? Are you alrigh—”
“Do your parents ever touch you?” Louise said, eyes trained on the floor.
Miles’ face scrunched up in confusion, “You mean like hugs?”
“No.”
“What do you mean then?” Miles questioned.
Louise’s eyes fogged up with tears, “Never mind. Let’s just play the game.”
Miles eyed her with sympathetic confusion before realizing what she meant, “Louise…”
He moved to hug her, but she flinched away from him. Miles sat back; he wasn’t touching her but was close enough for her to feel the heat radiating off of him. Louise sniffled, trying desperately to contain her emotion.
“Do you want me to leave you alone?” Miles whispered.
Louise turned to look at him, her face pale and puffy, “Please don’t.”
Louise and Miles sat like that for a long time. When the sun set, he got up and called his mom, begging her to let him stay the night. Louise didn’t hear the conversation, but Mrs. Wilson must have agreed because the next thing she knew, she was being guided to bed, and Miles was settled on the floor next to her, leaning against the bed and holding her hand.
The music turned sweet. It drifted through your ears pleasantly, passing over the cracked, dry blood. A chorus of flutes is playing, light and soft.
It feels like the pillow in your dorm room, childhood mixed with freedom.
You know this feeling won’t last. But right now, in this moment, you lay your head down and pretend the world is new.
May 17, 1986
Miles and Louise had biked miles to the movie theater. Miles had begged Louise to see the new movie coming out, one that Louise was less than excited about. He had been to the movies some months before with his mom and had seen the trailer. The next day, he begged her to see it with him when it came out, and she agreed, not knowing anything about it.
Miles was practically giddy with excitement. His eyes glowed with it. The theater was packed; they stood in the line shoulder to shoulder with what must have been every other kid in town. Louise clung to the red crushed velvet rope that segmented the line for dear life. The feeling of so many people pressed up against her was nauseating. She screwed her eyes shut, pushing down a wave of oncoming dizziness. Before she knew it she was being pulled along to the ticket stand. Miles produced them with a broad smile on his face, “Two for Top Gun.”
He then bought a giant thing of buttery popcorn and two glass Cokes. They made their way to their seats and waited for the movie to begin. Miles shoved popcorn in his mouth, salty yellow kernels going everywhere. Trailers for various movies played on the big screen— Miles leaned over nearly every time and asked Louise if she would go with him. She said yes every time.
The movie was beautiful. It was nothing like Louise had ever seen before; it made her yearn for the sky, the feeling of freedom unlike anything she would ever know. And then it was tragic, and she was crying in her seat, wailing over someone she didn’t know. Begging him to wake up.
They left in silence, walking to the bike rack to a chorus of shoes against pavement. They stalled for a moment before getting onto their bikes and parting their ways.
“What would you do if I died?” Miles said, his eyes trained on Louise’s.
“I don’t know,” her eyes were red and puffy, “I don’t think I could go on.”
“Me neither,” Miles agreed.
Miles stared at her for a beat before getting on his bike and peddling home. Louise imagined her life without Miles on the way home. Sharp metal against skin, blood seeping into water. She didn’t think it would be much of a life.
When you were in 6th grade, you played the clarinet. You always had a fondness for them.
They were the only ones playing, the dulcet tones of a wooden reed against black plastic. The song was picking up pace, like a heartbeat.
In 6th grade band, you sat next to a girl you liked. She was better at the instrument than you. You didn’t care. You remember taking her to the winter formal and carrying her shoes when her feet got sore. You remember your dad giving you the talk before you went.
You haven’t seen her in years. You wonder how she’s doing.
The clarinets are done with their solo. You forget about her again.
August 21, 1987
This year, Louise’s birthday fell on the first day of school. She dressed nicer than usual, an attempt at vanity that made her hate herself. Miles had given her a music box that played You Are My Sunshine. Louise had told him that she missed it when her mom sang it to her before bed. She cried in the bathroom.
At lunch, she stood in line with a group of girls in her PE class. Miles was a few feet ahead of her, and the kids in her school took cutting in line more seriously than she thought was necessary, so she stayed put. She stood silently while the girls talked about a teacher they didn’t like, choosing instead to eavesdrop on the conversations around her rather than contribute to the one she was in.
Brian Miller’s voice sounded broken and raspy, like a kid with money for cigarettes and not much else. He was a stereotypical bully, big and tall, with an ugly look plastered everywhere he went. He couldn’t stand the thought of someone not being in pain. He was talking to Miles, his voice loud enough for Louise to hear from where she was: “Why do you hang out with that poor girl all the time? Does she give it up easily?”
His lips were curled in a cruel sneer, showing off his yellow teeth. Miles looked at him, barely visible to Louise over the people between them. Then, suddenly, he wound up and punched Brian square in the face. Louise heard the crunch of his nose being broken— blood spurted on the floor and onto the onlooking students. Brian grunted in pain, bringing his hand to touch his bloodied face slowly before launching into a vicious returning attack. He only got a few punches on Miles before the nearest teacher pulled him away. Louise pushed through the crowd that had formed, leaning down at Miles’ side. His face was nearly unrecognizable; bruises were starting to form already.
“Why did you do that? Oh my god, Miles, why did you do that?” Louise choked out, tears fogging her vision.
“I love you,” Miles tried to smile, blood staining his teeth.
A teacher pushed Louise out of the way, assessing the damage. What felt like seconds later, an ambulance appeared, along with Mrs. Wilson. She was frantic; her hands were shaking with fear. Everything was silent. At some point, everyone had cleared out except Louise. She was standing here like an idiot, staring at Miles’ bloodied face.
Louise felt a strong hand grab her arm, a mother’s hand, “Come on, Louise. You can ride along.” Mrs. Wilson stood in front of Louise. Her eyes were red, but she had composed herself. Louise’s voice came out as nothing more than a whisper: “Okay.”
She let herself be pulled into the ambulance; the siren was the only thing she could hear. She watched as the EMTs worked, their skilled, gloved hands dancing over his body.
“Louise, he’s gonna be okay,” Mrs. Wilson whispered in her ear, “Come here.”
She pulled Louise into a hug, hiding her view of Miles. Louise closed her eyes against Mrs. Wilson, willing her breath to slow. They stopped abruptly at the hospital. Louise and Mrs. Wilson climbed out and watched as nurses and interns swarmed Miles’ gurney. They were ushered to the waiting room and sat down on hard, terribly patterned chairs. At some point, Mrs. Wilson called Louise’s mother to tell her where she was. A doctor brought them to Miles’ room after over an hour. His face had been cleaned and bandaged, and his nose was clearly broken.
“Louise,” Miles said, his eyes lighting up.
“Miles,” Louise responded, “Are you okay?”
“I’m right as rain,” he tried to smile but winced.
“Don’t lie to me, Miles.”
“I’ll be okay,” he reassured her, reaching up to squeeze her hand.
They stood like that until Louise’s mom came to get her. Louise crawled into Mary’s beat-up Sedan and slumped in the seat.
“Are you okay, baby?” Mary asked her.
“Mom, what if he died?” Louise ignored the question.
Mary sighed, “Sweetheart he’s fine. He’s just got a concussion and a broken nose.”
“I know,” Louise said, “I know he’s fine.”
The bags under Mary’s eyes seemed heavier today, and her face seemed more wrinkled. Louise looked more like her every day.
The music takes on a somber tone. Long, drawn-out notes fill the air. You think of your mother again, the way she looked sunken in her hospital bed— decaying before your eyes. You remember the feel of her bony, pale hands wiping away your tears in her final moments.
It was the first time you saw your dad cry.
The wail of violin chokes you.
December 17, 1988
Louise was lying on her back in Miles’ bed. He’s had the same one since they were kids; the box springs creak under their weight. Miles was above her, his eyes boring holes in hers. His parents were not home, the house was eerily quiet— the ambient creaking distracting Louise. His record player sang sweet music from his desk. His room was cluttered with dirty clothes and various knick-knacks. A blue paper swan sat on his bookshelf next to his worn copy of The Hobbit. His closet was open, casting weird shadows along the walls. The lights were off.
The soft touch of Miles’ lips trailed down her chest to her stomach. She tried to push down the nausea— make her body stop squirming. Her hand clutched his shoulder tightly. He had asked if this was okay. She had said yes.
Louise felt another article of clothing being slid off her body. She was cold. Her eyes shot to the ceiling. One glowing star was still stuck on the popcorn texture. Miles had taken them off the year before. He had missed one. Louise felt the heat of salty water run down her face into the soft pillow. She hated herself.
‘Dear God,’ she thought, ‘if you can hear me please, please just let me be okay. Let me want this.’
She didn’t receive a response. God wasn’t listening. It was just her and Miles in a house too big, in a world too small.
“Louise?” Miles said, his voice laced with concern, “Hey. Are you okay?”
All she could muster was an ‘I’m sorry’ before getting up, running into the bathroom, and emptying her stomach into the toilet.
The air stunk of sour yeast.
The music bounced up and down, building up to its crescendo. Excitement filled your chest, the entire orchestra almost all playing now.
A chorus of brass filled the air—French horns and trumpets battle for dominance on stage. Your eyes are wide in anticipation; you have waited the entire night for this.
You are sixteen, and you and your friends sit around a fire, passing a bottle of Jack around. It is the Friday before school starts. You wanted one last night of summer fun before your life filled with books and assignments.
The whiskey burns a path down your throat. It makes you nauseous. You get so drunk you can’t stand up. Your vision blurs as you stumble into the surrounding woods. You are alone. You vomit more than you thought was possible. You think you are going to die. You miss your mom.
You haven't drank since.
You don’t think you ever will.
August 4, 1989
The granite bar was cool under Louise’s fingertips. She sat in Miles’ kitchen, spinning nervously on the metal bar stool. She was chewing her lip; her mouth tasted like blood. Miles sat next to her, his demeanor the exact opposite of Louise’s.
“I mean, come on, Louise. What are you gonna do with your life?” Mrs. Wilson lectured her.
“I don’t know,” Louise mumbled.
Mrs. Wilson sighed, “Miles has wanted to be a pilot since he was eight. What do you want?”
Louise took a deep breath, “I don’t know. I’m sorry I can’t be like Miles. But I’m not your fucking kid so leave me alone.”
Louise stood up and stomped up the stairs. She heard Mrs. Wilson yelling her name, but she didn’t turn around. She buried herself in Miles’ bed, wrapping herself in his soft comforter. Louis heard the stairs creak with weight and then a knock on the door.
“Louise, I’m sorry,” Miles said, walking into the room.
Louise sat up, her face dry, “Why are you sorry? You didn’t yell at me.”
“I still feel sorry,” he said as he sat down next to her.
Louise took a deep breath and leaned on his shoulder. Miles rested his head against hers, “She loves you, you know.”
“I know.”
“She just wants you to do well,” Miles said.
“She wants me to be better than my mother,” Louise corrected.
“Is that so bad?”
The music doesn’t matter right now. You are fifteen, and your father is yelling at you about your future. You don’t know what you want to do. You want to be better than him.
He backhands you.
The arm of the person next to you brushes against yours. You jump. The conductor's hands are blurry with movement. The theater is alive with sound.
You miss your dad.
February 14, 1990
Louise and Miles sat across from each other in a restaurant that was too nice for the amount of money they brought. Louise ran her fingers across the laminated menu, fidgeting nervously with the edge of the paper. The restaurant was packed, Miles had made the reservations months in advance.
“Do you know what you want?” Miles asked.
Louise pursed her lips, “I think I’m gonna get the chicken piccata.”
Miles eyed the menu, “That looks good.”
“What are you gonna get?” she returned the question.
Miles smiled, almost boyishly, “The steak.”
Louise hummed in response. She set her menu down and reached for her water glass, running her finger across the rim. Condensation dripped down outside the glass, her fingerprints marking the surface.
“Are you excited about prom?” Miles asked.
Louise laughed a little, “Do we really have nothing else to talk about other than a dance in two months?”
Miles rolled his eyes playfully, “I guess not. What did we talk about when we were kids?”
“I have honestly no idea,” Louise smiled, “I don’t think we talked a lot. We mostly played.”
“We did play an ungodly amount of Donkey Kong.”
Louise chuckled, “God, was that game even good? Or were we just kids?”
“I honestly have no idea,” Miles smiled.
The waiter came by and took their order, collecting their menus and refreshing their drinks. It wasn’t long before their food arrived; the plates were decedent and beautiful. They left the restaurant with doggy bags in hand and significantly poorer than when they walked in. Louise clambered into Miles’ truck and waited for Miles to start it. But he didn’t. He was staring at her instead.
“What?” she asked incredulously.
He smiled at her, “I have something for you.”
Her face fell in surprise, “Miles, you told me the dinner was a gift.”
“Well,” Miles shrugged. He reached into his pocket and produced a small velvet box. She took it gingerly into her hands, excitement boiling in her chest. She opened the box softly and found two silver rings. One was engraved with ‘Miles,’ and the other said ‘Louise.’ Miles picked up the one that said his name and handed it to her.
“This one is for you,” he looked at her with huge puppy-dog eyes, “And the other one is for me.”
“Miles…”
“Do you like it?” he asked nervously.
She melted, “I love it. I love you.”
“I love you, too,” he said, leaning in and kissing her sweetly.
“Are your parents home?” she asked against his lips.
“No, they won’t be home in hours.”
This time was different than the first. No bile rose up into Louise’s throat; she didn’t have to repress her squirming body. The air smelled like clean linen— fresh and new.
You are crying, and you don’t know why. The music sounds more like singing now, wrapping you in lyrics and hugs. You feel warm and fuzzy. Like you are a little kid who just got home after swimming all day. You are tired in the perfect way. You sink into your blankets and fall asleep.
A humming noise wakes you up. You are in the theater. There is music playing. You aren’t a kid anymore.
You had a drink at dinner before the concert.
You swallowed it with ease.
March 20, 1990
The hum of the radio filled the sweet night air. Louise and Miles lounged in the bed of his beat-up pickup. It was his father's old farm truck, a janky, rusty thing that only ran when it felt like it, but Miles loved it. It was his pride and joy. Any weekend he wasn’t with Louise, he was fixing it up; he would spend hours under the body of that thing, coming into the house reeking of oil and exhaust. Mrs. Wilson hated it; she feared for the safety of her nice beige carpet and the cleanliness of his jeans.
It was freshly spring; it was dry and warm for the first time this year. They were laying on his mother’s old picnic blanket, something she probably wouldn’t care for if she knew. It was pitch black, the only thing that illuminated them were the stars and the faint light of Louise’s kitchen light. They had returned from cruising around town, and neither wanted to go inside yet. They had been lulled into a comfortable silence, their hands knotted together perfectly. And then, suddenly, Louise had a question.
“Do you hate me?”
“Louise…” Miles sighed.
Nervousness leaked into her tone, “I was just making sure.”
“That I don’t hate you? Even though we’re dating?” Miles scoffed, “Why would I be with you if I hated you? What would I gain from that?”
“What if you were using me?” Louise said, her voice small.
“Oh my god,” Miles sat up and put his head in his hands, “‘What if’ Louise, when have I ever, in our entire lives, used you?”
“I don—” she started.
“If you are basing your fear of our relationship on ‘what ifs,’ maybe we shouldn’t be together. You are so absorbed in your past that it's like you aren’t even seeing me, not now, not in the present,” Miles shot at her.
“That’s not fair,” Louise said, her voice breaking with emotion.
Miles took a deep breath, “I’m sorry for what happened, and I get that healing is a hard and long process. But, Louise, I’m tired, too. ”
Hot, stinging tears rolled down Louise’s face, wetting the blanket, “I know you love me. Sometimes I’m just scared.”
“Why are you scared?” Miles whispered.
“I don’t know,” she sniffled, “I am what I am.”
“You are what you are,” Miles repeated, “And I’m tired of pretendning I can change that.”
“Then stop.”
Louise wiped the tears off her face and climbed out of the truck. Her receding footsteps echoed in Miles' head, a pounding that sounded eerily like his heartbeat— fast and hard. Miles sat there for a long while. The radio was still on, blasting The Smiths.
Trumpets blast loud, then louder. You think your eardrum might burst. Then, the music lulls to a stop. The lights do not come on. It is like the entire world has stopped to take a breath. One big inhale. You fill your lungs. The air smells like honeysuckle.
You are a child running in the yard with your dog. You are barefoot. You step on a bee. You limp into the house and cry to your mother. She puts your foot on ice.
You will never feel the grass on your bare foot again. You do not need to learn the lesson twice.

GOOD FOR YOU LLOYD!

You can skip all producers after the camera (the 3rd producer).
LEVEL 1: Skip if you want to make your game not p2w-or-unwinnable (Aka playing normally but making it easier for yourself)
Sewing machine (Lv. 47) Red dress Hell
Adoption certificate (Lv. 57) Dog trophies hell
Circus (Lv. 67) Scenes hell
Art studio (Lv. 77) Didnt experience yet but heard its terrible
Board game (Lv. 87) The game pieces hell
LEVEL 2: Skip if you want to progress easily without problems (althought the ship might have already sailed) (Playing comfortably)
Herbs (Lv. 13) (Tea)
Arabian fountain (Lv. 22) (Dates)
Boat (Lv. 33) (Fish)
Fishing net (Lv. 37) (Golden monkeys/Watches)
Stationery (Lv. 43) (Books)
Seeds (Lv. 53) (Roses)
Hook duck (Lv. 63) (Water pistols)
LEVEL 3: Skip if you want to not have to spend thousands of energy to complete order after order of high level items/Annoying secondary items (If you're really lazy)
Kitchen (Lv. 17) (Annoying recharge)
Museuum (Lv. 20) (Sculptures)
Menu (Lv. 31) (Tapa)
Coffee machine (Lv. 41) (T11/12 Napkins)
Bee (Lv. 49) (Beeswax candles)
Vegetable (Lv. 51) (T11/12 Avocados)
LEVEL 4: If you are very very lazy/restarting
Skip everything that isn't a free producer, ty.
If you are challenging yourself and want to make the game impossible to win Skip Jewelry (Lv. 11) Ice cream (Lv. 24) Lighthouse (Lv. 35) Vine (Lv. 55)
Pls tell me if I missed any annoying producers
Producers that are fine imo
Bucket, Pottery, Surf, Bakery, Groceries, Carousel, Roller coaster, Graveyard

Food trucks AND restaurants that aren’t cloth napkin tablecloth type places should have prices listed on their menu.
If they don’t have prices listed on the menu this makes people take longer to order and results in people feeling gouged.
Like I don’t care if prices need to change use a white erase board or a magnet letter system or tape it doesn’t need to be high tech but this move to unpriced menus is Bullshit.

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I want to know, should I use a quest board on the table so everyone could just look up at the quests they’ve received? (Kinda like a video game quest menu) or should I give them individual quest cards when they recieve a new quest?

I want to know, should I use a quest board on the table so everyone could just look up at the quests they’ve received? (Kinda like a video game quest menu) or should I give them individual quest cards when they recieve a new quest?

Recently got back from an incredible 19 days in Japan. I’m really feeling the post-Japan blues now, but writing about the trip and sharing what I learned feels like a nice way to honour the memories I made.
I (35M) travelled to Japan with my partner (41M) from Canada. We were there from March 26 to April 13 - these dates were “chosen” for us because we were attending a wedding in Tokyo. We got to wear hakamas, walk in the procession at Meiji Jingu, and observe a Shinto wedding ceremony first-hand.
We did the Golden Route + Kanazawa, however, many travelers have already written about this route so I’ll try to offer new stories to interested readers instead.

About us and high-level trip summary:

• Our entire itinerary consisted of: Tokyo (+ trip to Kawaguchiko), Hakone, Osaka (+ trips to Himeji and Nara), Kyoto (+ trip to Hiroshima), Kanazawa (+ trip to Shirakawa-go), and then Tokyo again for the final night in Kichijoji.
• Stayed at a total of 7 hotels and made good use of the luggage delivery service. Usually took 1 day, but sometimes 2, so plan ahead.
• We got the JR West All Area Pass, which let us go to Hiroshima, Himeji, and Kanazawa from Osaka/Kyoto (plus a few other small trips). Not only was this worth it for us in terms of monetary value, but the built-in flexibility came in clutch i.e taking the train at our leisure and feeling much less stress over seat reservations or waiting in line. I used this website to help me determine which pass to get: https://www.japan-guide.com/railpass/
• As mentioned earlier, we attended our close friends’ wedding in Tokyo, which took place at Meiji Jingu and Meiji Kinenkan. It was a truly special and once-in-a-lifetime event. Being photographed by the sightseers at Meiji Jingu was also an interesting experience!
• We went out on weekend nights and checked out the popular places in Shinjuku Nichome (i.e the gay village). While they were fun, you need to dig deeper to find the places that make Nichome stand out from other gaybourhoods around the world.
• Did not make a lot of food reservations because we read how easy it was to find good food around every corner. We found this to be largely true and ate well on our trip (including many konbini meals and bento boxes on the train), but we look forward to diving deeper into the culinary world on trip #2.
• One of my favourite phrases was: Nani ga oishii desu ka? It means ‘What is tasty here?’ and is like asking the restaurant for their recommendation. I never got a bad result with this question.
• The ryokan, onsen, and kaiseki from our 1 night stay in Hakone were all amazing. It was probably our favourite room and meal on the trip. We would certainly return to Hakone and stay 2 nights next time.
• Saw a geisha performance in Kanazawa that was geared towards visitors and it was so fun and fascinating. My partner got to play taiko drums with a geisha!
• The big tourist must-sees were nice, but I’ll fondly remember all the times we just wandered the streets, witnessing small slices of other people’s lives.
• Kichijoji ended up being our favourite area of Tokyo.
• I planned this trip meticulously, but many items still ended up falling through or needed to be re-arranged due to various reasons (fatigue, sickness, timing mistakes). I think you will need to make peace with this and be prepared to be flexible with your plans, outside of pre-booked reservations.

Detailed report:

Before the flight

There were a few things we did before the trip began to help us out:

• Picked up a Wise card, allowing us to withdraw cash without paying extra fees. The fees can really add up.
• Reserved a pocket wifi router for pick-up at Narita.
• Made reservations for popular activities, namely the Ghibli Museum and USJ Express Pass.
• Adjusted our bodies to the new timezone a few days before our flight using an app called Timeshifter.
• Installed the Japan Travel by NAVITIME app, which I preferred over Google Maps when it came to anything involving the shinkansen.
• Watched Perfect Days, a meditative film that follows a toilet cleaner in Tokyo. It got us even more excited for Japan, plus the washrooms featured in this film are real and inspired us to look out for them in real life!

Landing in Japan

• After passing through customs, we picked up the pocket wifi router we had reserved. There are multiple drop-off locations, so you can pick up at one location and drop off at another. We chose the plan that gave us unlimited data for 3 weeks and it was worth it.
• I wanted to get our IC cards, but the line at the JR ticket office was so long that we just opted to buy individual tickets to take the Keisei Access Express. If you are going to be staying near any major metro stations (Ueno, Tokyo, Shinjuku, a few others), you can go there for your tickets because the lines seem to be shorter and you’ll ideally be rested by then.
  • I got my IC card at Ueno Station. On the ground floor, at the JR travel centre, you can line up for the Suica. However, I really wanted the cute Pasmo Passport instead. It took some asking around, but we eventually found the ticket office in the metro station, which is underground and had no line at all. We showed our passports and picked up our Pasmo cards without issue. It’s cash only.
• I also purchased an eSIM from Airalo. It was my first time doing so and I found the process fairly straightforward. I only got 3 gigabytes of data, which was for situations where I might find myself separated from my partner (who held onto the pocket wifi). Ended the trip with over 1gb remaining.
• On our first night, we wandered and found some restaurants in the alleyways behind our train station; we ate delicious ramen for around ¥800. It’s true what they say about your first night being a write-off, however, so don’t expect to do much else.

A note about the trains and ticketing system

I loved taking the shinkansen, they were so comfortable and predictable. The ticketing system, however... that’s a different story entirely. I think everyone just has to go through it like a rite of passage. I also couldn’t get SmartEx to work, which would’ve saved us a lot of hassle.
Regarding the JR West pass, I learned that you can’t make online seat reservations with it after you pick up the physical pass. You must use a specific machine or visit a ticket desk. To use the machines, find the ones with the green head boards and then select the option that mentions using a ‘discount ticket’ or something like that. Insert your pass and choose the destination and train you want to take. You’ll then get your pass back along with the printed tickets. Fortunately, there’s usually an attendant there to help you out.
I will miss having bento on the train while watching the scenery pass by (and listening to Fujii Kaze, haha).

March 26 - 28: A gentle introduction to Japan.

Places: Asakusa, Akihabara, Ueno, Ginza, and Chiyoda
Hotel: Route-Inn Grand Tokyo Asakusabashi
We chose this area because it was budget-friendly and gave us easy access to all the places we planned on visiting. A lot of people recommend staying in Asakusa, but we found Asakusabashi to be even quieter and cheaper.
Highlights:

• Itoya Ginza is a stationary lover’s paradise. Each of the ten floors is immacuately curated, filled with beautiful things to look at and use. If that wasn’t enough, a nature-inspired soundtrack plays the entire time to really put you in the mood. I picked up a Shupatto bag and liked it so much (great design and durability) that I went back and bought a few more as gifts.
• I found a place called the Okuno Building and it felt like a hidden gem for anyone who’s into art and architecture. Try to time your visit with when Room 306 is open: https://room306project.tokyo/about-en/
• Stepping outside of Tokyo Station, you feel small and the grandeur of Tokyo really hits you. Across the station in the building with the Beams store, there’s an observation deck that offers a gorgeous nighttime view of the area. There’s also a food hall with a great energy and vibe.
• About 10-15 minutes walk north of Akihabara station is an artisanal market tucked away beneath the train tracks. It was quiet and cute with a lot of interesting shops. Many handmade giftable items to be found: https://www.cntraveler.com/shops/tokyo/aki-oka-artisan
• I had a reservation for the Final Fantasy Eorzea Cafe in Akihabara - it was something I had wanted to do for a long time, though it felt underwhelming in the end. The food and drinks were photogenic, but forgettable. There are a number of cafes like these around and I imagine the gimmick is similar in each (at least, the ones run by Pasela Resorts). Still, no regrets!

Notes:

• Most of the hotels we stayed at did not allow use of stairs except in emergencies. This was usually fine, but during one busy morning rush we waited a ludicrously long time to get down from the 4th floor! We became acquainted with a charming Japanese woman as a result of waiting for the elevator, so there was a silver lining.

March 29 - April 3: Unforgettable memories made over a weekend.

Places: Shinjuku, Shibuya, teamLab, Kawaguchiko, and the wedding
Hotel: Yuen Shinjuku
Atmospheric hotel. Situated on a quiet street in Shinjuku while remaining within walking distance to all the fun places. Onsen on the top floor with amazing city views.
Highlight: The wedding

• To prepare for the wedding, we had a fitting at a kimono rental shop (Vasara) along with some friends. The men in the group wore hakamas, which are like trousers reserved for very formal occasions. Wearing a kimono and hakama was interesting - there’s a lot of tucking and wrapping under those robes, forcing you to stand straight while also having your organs squeezed in. But damn did we feel and look good in them, haha.
• The wedding itself was one of the most gorgeous and well-organized weddings I’ve ever been to and I’m still in a bit of awe. It began in the early morning with a Shinto ceremony at Meiji Jingu. The ritualistic garments worn by the bride and groom as well as the attendants were beautiful. After conducting the tea ceremony in a semi-private reception area, we gathered into a two-column procession and slowly walked to the main ceremonial site deeper within Meiji Jingu, led by a priest and two shrine maidens. Everything was solemn and immaculate. You can read about what these ceremonies are like online, but there were a lot of rituals, rules, and even audience participation e.g. standing, sitting, clapping, and drinking sake. Being photographed by hundreds of people while walking to and from the ceremonial site was also something I didn’t think I’d ever get to experience - I imagine this is what a celebrity feels like!
• The reception afterwards was at Meiji Kinenkan and followed a more familiar Western reception format, with an MC, music, multi-course meal, and live performances (including mochi pounding and spectacular Japanese Bollywood dancers) - but no dancing for the participants, haha. There was also an after-party at an Indian restaurant in Shibuya and it was a much more casual and colourful affair.

Highlight: Nichome

• Nichome - one could easily miss this entire neighbourhood during the day, but boy does it come alive at night. We visited most of the major bars: Eagle, Eagle Blue, Dragon Men, Arty Farty, etc. What immediately struck me about those places was how similar they felt to bars back home i.e Toronto. There were lots of foreigners and the vibe and music reminded me of our own bars. It’s still a fun time and you can meet other travellers if you put yourself out there.
• When I said that one needs to dig deeper to find what makes Nichome stand out from other gaybourhoods, I was referring to the hundreds of tiny bars in the basements and upper levels of the buildings all around Nichome. To really get something out of this experience though, you need to either: i) speak Japanese, or ii) be accompanied by someone who can speak Japanese. I was lucky to fall into the latter group and had a few nights of uproarious karaoke, bantering with drag queens, and intimate conversations with bar staff.

Other highlights:

• teamLab Planets was mind-blowing and I highly recommend anyone go at least once. The less you know about it, the better. The area around teamLab Planets (which includes the famous Toyosu Market) was also pleasant to walk around. In fact, we had a picnic by the water with a clear view of the Tokyo skyline.
• I find malls in Asia to be on another level and the one we visited - Shibuya Parco - was no exception. There was a large terrace on the top floor with expansive views of the city and the basement housed an impressive food hall with a wide range of cuisines. The floors in-between had many unique offerings as well, even if only to window shop.
• We found one of the washrooms from the film Perfect Days, the one in Nabeshima Shoto Park. The exterior was incredibly designed, though the interiors were just fine. The park also houses a tranquil pond that was nice for a stroll around and the neighbourhood itself was enjoyable to walk through.
• Got my hair cut at a place called Assort Tokyo with English-speaking hair stylists - shout out to Yutsuki who gave me one of the best cuts I’ve ever had!
• Karaoke Manekineko is prevalent in Japan and we had the fortune of going to one with our Japanese friends. It was fun, affordable, and equipped with all our favourite songs (both Japanese and English). Indulge in the bottomless drink machines - their corn soup is a best seller and after trying it myself, I can see why!
• Seeing Mt. Fuji in person is an out-of-this-world experience - pictures don’t do it justice. However, the popular places we visited (Chureito Pagoda, northern shore of the lake) were extremely busy despite the lack of cherry blossoms e.g. the queue to access the observation deck at Chureito was 1 hour long. Getting around Kawaguchiko also wasn’t easy or cheap - the buses were packed and unpredictable and taking a taxi across town cost us a pretty penny. If I were to return, I’d get a private tour guide or just stick to the not-famous places and aim to be there in the early morning.

Notes:

• We switched hotels from Asakusabashi to Shinjuku and it was worthwhile to do so. We valued being able to walk to and from the bars, especially at night after the trains close
• I made the mistake of thinking we could get tickets on the express/direct train to Kawaguchiko the day before - nope. You should book these early. We took the shinkansen to Otsuki and then from there took a local train the rest of the way.

April 3 - 7: Embracing the calm after Tokyo.

Places: Hakone, Osaka, Himeji
Hotels: Mount View Hakone and Onyado Nono Osaka Yodoyabashi
The hotel in Hakone was itself the highlight. This one was a bit higher up in the mountains, but still easily accessible by bus. Top-notch hospitality and amenities. Our Osaka hotel was also comfortable and had an onsen and was located in a convenient area - not in the thick of things, but close to the important metro lines.
Highlights:

• I wish we stayed longer at our Hakone ryokan. Their kaiseki dinner and breakfast were exquisite. The private onsen consisted of two large basins for our exclusive use with a view of an illuminated bamboo grove. That said, I think you could choose any 3+ star ryokan in Hakone and have a stellar time. The town was calm and charming; it was especially haunting with the light rain and mist when we were there.
• We took a bus that went directly from our hotel all the way to Odawara, where we caught the shinkansen to Osaka. Unlike at home, where riding the bus feels like a chore, I felt that taking the various transport options in Japan was an experience unto itself - always something to see and admire outside the window.
• Osaka’s nightlife was vibrant, though we preferred Shinsekai over Dotonbori if only because the former was way less crowded. I also went out to Doyamacho (Osaka’s gay district) on my own, which seemed tiny in comparison to Nichome. I visited the newly opened Eagle Osaka and met a Canadian expat; it was fun to hear stories about being gay in Japan from people who’ve lived there for a long time.
• Sunset at Osaka Castle with all the sakura was magical. The crowds were minimal here. My favourite shot to take was a close-up of the flowers with the castle in the background.
• My partner was very keen on visiting USJ and getting the Express Pass - I’m glad we did that because we got to experience (almost) everything we wanted to. Super Nintendo World was the absolute gem of USJ: going there felt like going to another dimension.
• Right outside USJ is a large shopping and restaurant complex. There’s a place on the fourth floor called TAKOPA Takoyaki Park and what a joy it was - pick any of the restaurants here, order a combo meal, and let your taste buds soar.
• Himeji is an easy day trip from Osaka and the famous castle is a straight walk down from the station. It was very picturesque - definitely visit the gardens while you’re there.

Notes:

• My partner started to feel unwell at this point of the trip, so we had to slow down our pace and also reshuffle a few itinerary items.

April 7 - 10: Sakura, temples, and museums.

Places: Nara, Kyoto, Hiroshima
Hotel: TUNESTAY Kyoto
A modern hotel that also feels like a hostel with its communal amenities and young vibe. Rest assured, the rooms are private and include your own bathroom. Minutes away from Kyoto Station and situated on the same street as the sightseeing buses.
Highlights:

• The sakura were now in full bloom and made for magnificent strolls around Kyoto’s famous districts, but like all other famous sites, they are best enjoyed early. We got up early for Philosopher’s Path and it was breathtaking and tranquil, just as we imagined it to be. It started to get crowded i.e noisier after 9am.
• The 10th floor of the Isetan building at Kyoto Station is a dedicated food hall, with one side being just ramen shops. Very yummy and very short lines!
• I read about how emotional the Hiroshima Peace Museum made people feel, but I still wasn’t prepared for the sheer gravity of it once we were there. I can only describe the experience as powerful and poignant. Certainly take your time to go through and read the cards on the exhibits. It was one of the rare places we visited that was both busy and quiet.
• Visit Okonomi-mura for delicious Hiroshima-style okonomiyaki and good vibes. It’s another food hall, but one that feels much more down to earth and gritty.
• We happened to stumble upon a night market at Murayama Park in Kyoto. The cherry blossoms were at their peak; they looked especially splendid under the glow of the lanterns. There were food stalls aplenty and we ate to our heart’s content: grilled fish, fried yam rolls, bamboo on a stick, and barbequed meats. Several restaurants and tables were set up in the middle of the park so you could sit down for a meal and some drinks while partaking in hanami. People were in very good spirits and we ended up chatting to a young couple sat next to us, where we bonded over our shared love for Howl’s Moving Castle and all things Ghibli. I’ll remember this particular night very fondly.

Notes:

• It’s possible to visit Nara on route from Osaka to Kyoto or vice versa. That’s what we did and we just stored our luggage at the station in Nara.
• It makes more sense to go to Hiroshima from Osaka - not only is it closer, but our JR West Pass did not include shinkansen travel between Osaka and Kyoto (even if we were riding on the same train going from Osaka to Hiroshima). We only did it this way because our original plans were changed due to my partner’s change in health status.

April 10 - 12: Winding down and enjoying small city life.

Places: Kanazawa, Shirakawa-go
Hotel: Hotel Kanazawa Zoushi
Our second favourite hotel of the trip. We had the warmest reception here, with complimentary tea and dango provided at check-in. The room was very comfortable, while the bathrooms were surprisingly spacious.
Highlights:

• Everyone comes here for Kenrokuen and... yeah, it’s an absolutely stunning garden, dressed in wide swathes of pink thanks to the pretty cherry blossoms. Having said that, we noticed other areas of the garden weren’t as lively because the plants had not yet flowered. I think coming here when you know certain flora will be in season will make for a more memorable experience.
• Right next to the gardens are the Kanazawa Castle Ruins, also home to some gorgeous blossom-lined paths. It was way less busy here, as if people didn’t realize they could walk another few minutes to this beautiful location.
• On the surface, Higashi Chaya looked similar to the historic districts in Kyoto. We primarily went there for the Geisha Evenings in Kanazawa performance held at Kaikaro Tea House and it ended up being one of our favourite highlights of the entire trip. Lady Baba is a fabulous host and storyteller; the two hours we spent here flew by, filled with laughter, music, and cultural learnings.
• Omicho Market feels a lot more like a real food market than Nishiki and smells like the sea. We enjoyed some huge oysters here and grilled scallop and octopus skewers.
• We dined at Gen-zae-mon on the recommendation of a local who worked at Kaikaro. It’s a cozy izakaya in downtown Kanazawa serving plenty of scrumptious regional specialties. Try asking the service staff for their recommendations if you’re overwhelmed by the menu options.
• Shirakawa-go was quaint, almost like being transported to a different era. The entire village is easily traversable by foot and it’s worthwhile to visit at least one of the historic houses that have been converted into a museum. If you can climb to the top of the observation deck, you’ll be rewarded with a serene lookout of the entire village. That said, I don’t think spring is the optimal season for Shirakawa-go to shine; I think any other season would colour it better, because it was still grey and barren when we went.

Notes:

• I mistakenly thought we could get tickets for the highway express bus from Kanazawa to Shirakawa-go last minute... nope. Thankfully, our JR West pass let us ride the shinkansen at no additional cost to Toyama, where we caught the bus there - and that bus was mostly empty. It only added about 30 minutes more to our travel time.

April 12 - 13: One more outing in Tokyo’s most desirable neighbourhood.

Places: Kichijoji, Haneda
Hotel: Tokyu REI Kichijoji
Standard hotel with few frills, but great price and location. We chose it because it was a last minute decision to switch from Akihabara to Kichijoji for our last night.
Highlights:

• I’m glad we stayed in Kichijoji for the last day of our visit. Walking the streets of this neighbourhood was exactly what we envisioned a peaceful Tokyo to be like and there was much to please the senses. It just felt like the whole package - picturesque, relaxed, easy to get lost in, and bustling to a degree that felt exciting without being overwhelming. The Internet claims that Kichijoji is the most desirable neighbourhood in Tokyo; I definitely believe that now.
• Ghibli Museum was delightful and I’m a big fan of the “no indoor photography” rule. The attention to detail was incredible. Treat yourself to a walk in Inokashira Park before or after your visit. It was late afternoon when we went and the park was filled with young families and students playing after-school sports. It just felt like a pinnacle “slice of life” moment.
• My very fashionable friend (the one who got married) said Kichijoji is her favourite place for consignment shopping and we saw plenty of those stores here. A bit deeper into the residential parts of Kichijoji is an artisanal market and cafe called Sippo: it was filled with one-of-a-kind goods at reasonable prices and everything was made in Japan. I know there are a lot of great shops in Tokyo, but this one stood out to us and we would certainly return on future trips.
• We hopped on an airport shuttle bus from Kichijoji Station to Haneda. No reservations, but the bus was only a quarter full. We gave ourselves three hours at Haneda and still felt like we ran out of time - lots of great shops for last minute gifts (including an Itoya outpost!) Take note that the higher rated restaurants are located outside of the security gates.

Now that some time has passed since departing Japan, the emotions that swept over me in that country have left a deep impression. Like a reminder of what I’m chasing after in this life, Japan excited me, fulfilled me, and left me wanting more. I know that being Japanese in Japan is an entirely different experience, but I still yearn to experience even just a sliver of that life.
Thanks for reading and I hope you got something out of this trip report. If you’re interested in seeing some of the photos I took on this trip, I’ve shared them on my Instagram account, which is the same handle as my Reddit username.

Location: Northwest Periphery(Gal.Purgal-SP), medium density, mostly households and small businesses.
Normalcy Scale: N/A, C, E, C, “hoarding”, “ritualistic”, “mechanical”.

Note: We can never forget our roots.
I first saw Mr. and Mrs. Lemos when I was really young, three weeks after my fifth birthday. The first thing you notice about them is that they are very short, as old people get when their backs hunch forward and their bodies shrink due to overall lower water levels, always carrying huge bags of recyclable material and other kinds of trash that they collected from around town.
The second thing you catch is the smell, oh the smell.
I was walking to my house after getting some last minute groceries for my mom on a little market down the street. I was sipping a cola can from a plastic straw, making that kind of noise when the can is almost empty, trying to catch the last few drops of soda. Mr. Lemos approached me from behind, waving a big wood cane he carried around, signaling me to hand over my can so he could throw it in his bag.
I was immediately startled. He had pale milky eyes and a tan from walking all day long under the sun.
“Sorry I haven't finished yet.” I said, still sipping on the straw.
He then proceeded to smack me in the head with the cane and take the tin can from my hands before waving like a maniac, showing his teeth like a dog would.
I ran home that day, crying in fear of being bitten by an old man. Mom said I was fine after inspecting my bruising, but advised me that Mr. Lemos was a little bit crazy, and not to mess with him or his wife.
"What does he do with the stuff they collect?" I whimpered while holding a bag of ice over my head.
"They bring it all over their house down the street and gather it. Sometimes the sanitary vigilance have to sneak in there when they are not at home to pick up the stuff when there is too much of it."
”Why do they need to sneak?”
Mom stared at the wall for a second, trying to remember details. After pausing for a bit and looking out the window she stated.
“If I recall, one time they attacked the sanitary agent when they got too close to their trash.”
Mom was always a big fan of gossip. She had made friends with all the old aunties in town, or so I imagined. Their network of news and speculation always had time to make its way into my ears now and then.
I made no trouble about the old hoarders in the neighborhood, other than throwing them some of our cans and paperboards when they asked for it. But then when I was ten, sometime around middle July, I rode my bike too far and stumbled upon their place around 5:45 PM.
It was a small old brickwork house, with a flat ceiling probably still made from asbestos. Their lawn was dead, piles upon piles of cardboard, used tires and styrofoam containers were spread all around. Behind the house I could see a thin yellow leafed tree, with CDs hanging from strings like a christmas decoration.
Curiosity got the best of me. I waited to see if I could spot movement, minutes later I watched as Mrs. Lemos entered the place and all of a sudden, all the lights turned off. All but a single dwindling, almost candle like light, that came from a window positioned up too high.
What I heard from inside was a kind of chanting, similar to the ones I've heard from the church, sung loud and proud by the couple. During the singing, another sound caught my attention. I began to catch grinding noises, accompanied by a metal on metal clatter.
As the singing got louder, a most unbearable scratching noise emanated from there, as if someone had broken and dragged a chalk on a board. Sounded like they were trying to move a thing too large for that room, dragging it, moving it around in an erratic manner.
The noise stopped as soon as the song reached its peak. I heard a digital clock beeping sound then everything went to silence as the single weak light was left to disappear.
End of note.

Description:
Odd N.1 was a couple of elderly human beings by the names of Rogério Cavalcante Lemos (79) and Maria Auxiliadora Paz Lemos (76), approximately 1.5m tall (4 '9 ft, i will use only meters from now on), that lived in an old house inside a large residential neighborhood. They both appeared to be suffering from various medical conditions that caused impediments of vision, mobility, hearing and speaking, including cataracts, kyphosis, bunions and several skin and dental conditions due to overall lack of hygiene.
Both individuals had presented hoarding behavior for several years, with a deep fixation in the accumulation and gathering of recyclable materials, used tires, broken pieces of wood and overall trash. Due to this, they were always carrying several large plastic garbage bags, in a huge basket made from intertwined straw.
Everyday at 5:00 (5 AM, for God's sake just learn your clocks), Mr. and Mrs. Lemos left their home and began walking around the blocks looking for trash bins, discarded stuff or any other material sources.
Upon approaching any amount of trash, both would keep their eyes fixated on the subject, even when being carried by other people. If opportunity was made present they would make their way to the objects and pick them up, storing it inside the bags.
It is of note that they appeared to segregate objects by type and size, like you would do when sorting recyclables, giving special attention to any electronic devices even if broken.
If impeded to reach an object of interest or directly confronted by others, both would become distressed, profering insults, throwing objects and even biting or scratching in an oddly animalistic behavior.
At the end of the day, both individuals would congregate in their house, made from simple masonry, with windows blocked by nets and wood boards in a manner on which those inside could see outside but not vice versa. They then proceeded to engage in a kind of religious ritual that consisted in loud singing under a faded light in a room closer to the street than the rest of the house.
During these 15 minutes they would sing famous lyrics from both evangelical and catholic churches including “Aleluia”, “Hosana” and many others seemingly at random. Close to the end of the ritual, loud grinding, buzzing and banging noises could be heard from inside, suggesting that something was being dragged across the room or that maybe something was being assembled inside by the usage of hammers, drills or other tools.
This exact same behavior was observed everyday for over 40 years, independently of climate conditions or health status of the individuals, with eventual changes in the contents of the singing.
The Lemos had no living relatives and their son Zacarias Cavalcante Lemos had perished in a car accident in 1978, at the age of 7. The only other person ever allowed to enter the Lemos household was pastor Elias Lopes (80), from the local evangelical pastoral. Elias saw Rogério and Maria Auxiliadora as friends and members of his flock, bringing them various CDs containing gospel songs and lectures about the bible, God, Jesus and his apostles.
Mr. and Mrs. Lemos perished in the morning of ██/██/2024. A police squad was sent to their house to retrieve the bodies following complaints from a neighbor. The residence that they lived in for over 50 years was demolished a few days later. The rubble was carried over to the local landfill.
All that stood in the lot was a thin yellow ipe tree.

I am new to a condo board in a middle-sized downtown building. I like the other board members, but there is a culture of being ultra-conservative with liability and very liberal with rule-making. They are afraid of everything. For example, we are not allowed to wear socks in common areas because they are worried about someone stepping on something and us being sued. Children are not allowed to get packages, even if they are 16 years old. Younger kids can't use washable sidewalk chalk. The social committee can't organize even a knitting night (that uses no association resources) without approval months in advance. We do a informal "meetup on the stoop" in the summer and some board members have started to oppose that - even though it is very popular and there have been no complaints. Their argument? Children running around our courtyard could run into the street. No decorations are allowed on doors so as not to offend anyone. One person recently suggested a body odor rule! Etc. I know these are not unheard of rules, but in general I want to relax things a bit. I have support of about half the board in general and need to sway just a couple others. Can anyone recommend general strategies for dealing with "what if"-isms? I like the other board members and don't want to be combative, but I also want to shut down arguments that basically go nowhere and prevent any progress. But I don't know the right rhetorical maneuver for that. Throwing "what if"s back in their face doesn't persuade anyone. Any advice on strategies for this?

Hear me out.
2024 is hard on everyone. Every is struggling. Everyone is poor. Inflation is through the roof and rent is sky high. Where are you going to eat at this fine morning? McDonalds
Mcdonalds is the peak quality to price ratio. McDonald’s honestly kinda slaps. It’s cheap. It’s fast. It’s convenient. Has variety. Many stores. Has many locations across the USA and the world and has an amazing app. No matter where you are in the world, there’s probably a McDonald’s near you. The McDonalds fandom? Like come on, that’s legendary as fuck! The Ronald McDonald’s clown!! Like shit, McDonalds is one of the restaurants that give out happy meals with dope toys. Happy meal is iconic as shit.
I get a deal every single visit. They give you so many points that every other time I get free food. Like I paid $5 and some cents for a big breakfast. I got 3 flapjacks, a biscuit, a hash brown, eggs, and sausage; complete with butter, syrup and strawberry jam. Like fuck, where do you get all that anywhere else at that price point? You can’t.
The problem with McDonald’s competitors is that they are missing one of categories McDonald’s does good in. Example: In&Out: limited menu. Exclusive to the west coast. No app. And honestly overrated for what it is. Burger e king: worse quality and for the price ratio. More quality control issues. Burger kings I have gone to tend be vacant and that is not good sign. Shitty app!
As I do think it comes close with some of its competitors. Pound for pound I think McDonald’s is the best restaurant. It has more points across the board.

# This file was automatically generated by Mod Organizer. Fallout4.esm DLCRobot.esm DLCworkshop01.esm DLCCoast.esm DLCworkshop02.esm DLCworkshop03.esm DLCNukaWorld.esm BakaFramework.esm WorkshopFramework.esm Unofficial Fallout 4 Patch.esp spacefiddle_Follower-Stealth-Distance-Fixes.esp CanarySaveFileMonitor.esl RAW INPUT.esp LooksMenu.esp LooksMenu Customization Compendium.esp Merged Fixes.esp CBBE.esp LIF.esl SanctuaryNoDog.esl HUDFramework.esm ArmorKeywords.esm ArmorKeywords_Patch_INNR_UFO4P.esp XDI.esm No_BloodWorm_MoleRats_Scorpion_Teleport-BugFix.esp Gas Masks of the Wasteland.esp Gas Mask ArmorKeywords.esp Gas Mask Hardcore Drop Rate.esp Gas Mask NPC.esp M8rDisablePipboyEffects.esp There It Is x Minimalist.esp Unused Map Markers - Cut Content Restored.esp Armorsmith Extended.esp Scopes.esp HighlightConsoleReference.esp Dank_ECO_DLCNukaWorld.esp Dank_ECO_DLCRobot.esp Dank_ECO-INNR.esp WorkshopFramework_ScriptOverride.esp Dank_ECO.esp Dank_ECO_DLCCoast.esp VaultOutfitPack.esl Mercenary.esp AWHD4KFull.esp nukaproject.esl Natural Landscapes.esl More Armor Slots - All Dlc.esp More armor slots.esp EvilViking13_PatchworkSanctuaryBridge.esp Live Action Handy.esp Lots More Male Hairstyles.esp Lots More Facial Hair.esp Lots More Female Hairstyles.esp Transit Sign HD.esp LC's UHD Skeleton Wardrobe.esp ImmersiveSupermutantsOrders.esp [A0] KT_Framework.esm HiPolyFacesCompanionPlugin.esl HiPolyFaces.esp Backpacks of the Commonwealth.esp Backpacks of the Commonwealth - INJECT.esp EferasShoulderBag.esp GlovesOfTheCommonwealth.esp GlovesOfTheCommonwealth_FR.esp Gloves of the Commonwealth - AWKCR Patch.esp Crafting Mastery - AE Patch.esp Crafting Mastery - Armor Keywords Patch.esp Crafting Mastery - Nuka Cola Collector Patch.esp Crafting Mastery.esp LoreFriendlySurvivalChems.esp eXoKTBoardGamesShelf.esp eXoKetarosLootableTreasures.esp Ketaros_Treasures.esp eXoKetarosPostCardRack.esp SkillBooks.esl New Bobbleheads.esl [C1] KT_DLC_BoardGames.esp Give Me That Bottle.esp CROSS_GoreCrits.esp CROSS_GoreCrits_FarHarborPatch.esp CROSS_ReducedLaserSmoke.esp CROSS_BreakActionLaser.esp WattzLaserGun.esp MercenaryCBBEPatch.esp DTG_LeveledListIntegration.esp GreaseRatGarbs.esp GreaseRatGarbs_RaiderPatch.esp GreaseRatGarbs_SettlerPatch.esp WestTekTacticalOptics-AWKCR.esp WestTekTacticalOptics.esp Tactical Flashlights - Settings.esp Tactical Flashlights.esp 4estGimp - WestTekTac_Injection.esp Munitions - An Ammo Expansion.esl Munitions - Reduced Ammo Patch.esp Munitions - Vanilla Ammo Addon.esl Dank_ECO-Munitions.esp Dank_ECO-Munitions_INNR.esp Munitions-Additional Ammo.esp VisibleWeapons.esp WeaponsOnBack Addon.esp 870_VWAS.esp AK74_VWAS.esp HAMR_VWAS.esp DefenseGun_VWAS.esp XM2076_VWAS.esp Friffy_Holstered Weapons.esp Holsters & sheaths.esp ConditionBoy.esp radmeter.esp SelectMarksman.esp NV_LMG.esp VanBuren_223.esp XR92_Rifle.esp SingleShotgun_ENG.esp HandmadeLeverActionSG.esp AK74M - AWKCR.esp AK74M.esp BattleRifle.esp Skb_RiflesRebirth.esp R91 - AWKCR-Compatibility.esp AVBMusket.esp AVBPipeGunsReplace.esp R91M.esp F4NVServiceRifleRedux.esp SigSauer127.esp Mosin.esp MosinNagant - AWKCR.esp M1911.esp PD_VisualReload.esp K9TacticalHarness.esp CAPA.esp DX Adventurer Outfit.esp Armored General by Hothtrooper44.esp DT_GunnerOutfitPack.esp SkibsWeapons-REDUX.esp PD_VReload_SkibsWeaponPackRedux.esp PD_VReload_M14.esp PD_VReload_AK74M.esp PD_VReload_DefenseGun.esp PD_VReload_M1Garand.esp PD_VReload_RaiderOverhaul.esp LAER Automatron Weapons.esp LAER-Armorsmith_Patch.esp LAER.esp DOOM1911.esp UniqueUniques.esp RadiumPistol.esp AlexMakarovPistol.esp 9x39Project.esp 9x39ProjectAWKCR.esp HandmadeAntiMaterielRifle.esl 870.esp Binoculars.esp Binoculars AWKCR Merged.esp F4NVServiceRifleRedux_Patch_Uniques.esp Yona_Weapon_DefenseGun.esp CWHuntingRifle.esl CorvalhoWidowShotgun.esp AVDelivererReplace.esp W.A.T.Minutemen.esp MilitarizedMinutemen.esp MilitarizedMinutemen-Horizon_PatchBlue.esp MilitarisedMinutemen_PatchesAddon.esp BLUE WATM-MilM Patch.esp M1Garand - AWKCR-VW.esp M1Garand.esp M14.esp RaiderOverhaul.esp 4estGimp - RO1 BoT 3Pack Injection.esp SuperMutantRedux.esp SuperMutantRedux_ArmorSmithExtended.esp 4estGimp - SuperMutantRedux_INNRs4FallUI.esp Synth Overhaul.esp CROSS_CoA.esp ImmersiveAnimationFramework.esp EveryonesBestFriend.esp Immersive Fallout - Movement (DLC).esp Immersive Fallout - Real Recoil (DLC).esp Immersive Fallout - Realistic ADS (DLC).esp Immersive Fallout - Realistic Jumping.esp Better Locational Damage - DLC_Automatron.esp Better Locational Damage - DLC_Far_Harbor.esp Better Locational Damage - DLC_Nuka_World.esp Better Locational Damage - DLC_WWorkshop.esp Better Locational Damage.esp Better Perks.esp BLD - Leveled Lists - DLC.esp 3dscopes-9x39project.esp 3dscopes-defensegun.esp 3dscopes-g67.esp 3dscopes-laer.esp 3dscopes-m14.esp 3dscopes-mosin.esp 3dscopes-R91M.esp 3dscopes-servicerifle.esp 3dscopes-wattz.esp 3dscopes.esp Better Explosives Redux.esp IAF - Far Harbor & Nuka World.esp NPCs Use Items.esp You Are Exceptional.esp YAE - Damage Nerf Patch v2k.esp MAIM Distributor.esp MAIM 2.esp MAIM 2 - Dismemberment Patch.esp MAIM 2 Fallout-fied.esp You Are Exceptional - MAIM 2 Patch.esp NPCs use MAIM Items.esp EAMR.esp whisperDelayDLC.esp DelayRoadToFreedom.esp Confidence_Man_Delayed.esp Special_Delivery_Delayed.esp Smoke-able Cigars.esp ImmersiveCovenantCompound.esp ConcordResurrected.esp Region Names on Save Files.esp SubwayRunnerRevised.esp AshlandStationSettlement.esp Ashland Station O - SubwayRunnerRevised.esp Atomic World.esp CF_AtomicWarlord.esp CF_AtomicWarlord_CBBE.esp CF_AtomicWarlordNoMod.esp SwampsEXPANDED.esp TrainBar.esp SalemEXPANDED.esp HagenEXPANDED.esp eXoKetarosLootableTreasures-HunkeredDown.esp ImmersiveHubCityAutoWreckers.esp ImmersiveV95.esp ImmersiveBeantown.esp Rsiyo'sLocationPack.esp InstituteJunkyard.esp BrainExplorerPack1.esp Commonwealth Underground and Forgotten Spaces2.0.esp TheSewers.esm DeadAirplane.esp UFOCrashSite.esp Commonwealth Improvements - Fort Strong.esp PlaneWreck.esp WildwoodCemeteryTombDungeon.esp SuperMutantRedux VIS Patch.esp Campsite.esp Journey.esp ALDP_TheCourtyard.esp Boston_Police_Department.esp GetDirty.esp GetDirty_NoCleanlinessPatchForCWSS.esp CWSS Redux.esp LessLoot - InsideJobs.esp Immersive Nahant.esp The Eyes Of Beauty.esp TheEyesOfBeauty.esp AzarPonytailHairstyles.esp MiscHairstyle.esp MoreBeards.esp MoreHairstyles4Female.esp MoreHairstyles4Male.esp Merged Appearance.esp MagsBlack.esp NastyNisha_AltVersion.esp NewFace_Settlers.esp KSHairdos.esp IWTinaDeLuca.esp SavrenX HD Vanilla Armor.esp Ghouls Revamped.esp AA Better Companions - No Conflicts.esp LC's UHD Bloatfly.esp LC's UHD Brahmin.esp LC's UHD Radroach.esp LC's UHD Gatorclaw.esp LC's UHD Mirelurk Queen.esp Nability - IAF DA-BLD-Agony Patch.esp Nability - IAF Tales from the Commonwealth Patch.esp OMEGA - IAF CoA Overhaul Patch.esp OMEGA - IAF GMTB Patch.esp MutantMenagerie.esm Mutant Menagerie LFAW CS.esp MutantMenagerie_BackwaterBeasts.esm MutantMenagerie_GrilledTurkey.esm detailedferalghouls.esp LC's UHD Feral Ghoul Apparel.esp mrp_PointLookoutOrderFix-DunwichBorers.esp D.E.C.A.Y.esp dD-Action Ragdoll Force.esp FO4 NPCs Travel.esp OMEGA - IAF BLD Patch.esp OMEGA - MutantMenagerie IAF Patch.esp OMEGA - MutantMenagerieFH IAF Patch.esp SettlementMenuManager.esp WorkshopRearranged.esp SKKMoveWorkshopMarkers.esp 155mm Howitzer M1.esp Leah's Memorials.esl Patched Roofs.esp BetterJunkFences.esp SalvageBeacons.esp ImmersiveTeleportation.esl ImmersiveTeleportationFIS.esp RealReadableBooks.esl SR_Settlement_Signs.esp SR_Settlement_Signs_Extended.esp SR_Settlement_Signs_Extended_Chained.esp SR_Settlement_Signs_Extended_Letters_and_Numbers.esp Static Objects and Buildings.esp VotWMaster.esm VotWSpecialVideos.esl TelevisionStationSet.esl VotWStarlightDriveIn.esp StandaloneWorkbenches.esl DCGuard_Overhaul-Workshop.esp VotWCells.esp VotWTheatre.esl WorkShopObjectPowerManagement.esp WorkshopPlus.esp Homemaker.esm DCGuard_Overhaul.esp Homemaker - Streetlights Use Passive Power.esp Homemaker - Unlocked Institute Objects.esp Showers.esl SolarPanelsMakeshift.esl CWPointLookoutFO4.esm CWPointLookoutFO4Patch.esl cVc Dead Wasteland 6 DLC.esp cVc Dead Wasteland 6 DLC2.esp cVc Dead Wasteland 6 DLC3.esp cVc Dead Wasteland 6.esp cVc Fishery.esp Eli_Display Shelves.esp Farming Resources.esp Graffity2ElectricBoogaloo.esp HoloDisplay.esp Lore Friendly Posters.esp More Scavenging Stations.esp OSHA_Signs.esp QuantumBox.esp Robot Home Defence.esp RRTV_MyFirstInfirmary.esp StandaloneWorkbenches.esp WorkingNCMachine.esp AutoDoors.esp cVc Dead Wasteland 6 AWKCR-VIS_Patch.esp nvvault1080.esp Molerat_Disease_Immunity_PA_Hazmat.esp The House.esp MaxwellsWorl.esp Moon Exploration.esp PD_LowerWeapon.esp lowered_weapons_lighting_patch.esp AnimatedCandles.esp Better Rugs.esp Ketaros_World.esp LC's UHD Fountain Statue.esp LC's UHD Kirby Head Statue.esp FO4 HD Overhaul Parallax.esp Not so RedRocket 4k retexture - It has been a long time.esp WoodReduxHD-BFTDTC-Patch.esp WoodReduxHD.esp No More Fake Puddles - Nuka World 1-0.esp PowerArmorImpactEffects.esp VeryZen_DarkCaves2k.esp dD-Enhanced Blood Basic.esp Merged Audio.esp Reverb and Ambiance Overhaul.esp Quieter Settlements - Contraptions.esp Quieter Settlements - Vanilla.esp Quieter Settlements - Wasteland Workshop.esp Realistic_conversations.esp OWR.esp OWR_CraftableDecor.esp OWR_CraftableDecor_CW.esp RAO - OWR patch.esp OWR2.esp OWR2_CraftableDecor.esp OWR2_CraftableDecor_CW.esp Thaylar Lighting 3.2 - Shadow.esp Thaylar Lighting 3.2 WorkshopRearranged Patch - Shadow.esp InsideJobs.esp InsideJobs_UFO4P.esp plenty 'o' exploration.esp DWUK_LexingtonInteriors.esp Immersive_Lexington.esp stumbleuponinteriors.esp TheMoleratTunnels.esm Computer Console illuminated.esp PPF-HeavyFlamer-CR.esm PPF-NeonFlats-CR.esm GoodneighborExpanded.esp RadioactiveSignsAIO.esl PPF.esm A Forest-Base Mod Patch.esp A Forest-Boston_Police_Department.esp A Forest-Immersive Lexington.esp A Forest-Fort Hope Revisited patch.esp A Forest-RynsFallout4.esp A Forest-Plenty O Exploration patch.esp A Forest-Vault 28 patch.esp Grasslands - Healthy.esp Better Landscape Grass.esp GAME.esp highwaysfix.esp CMRQL.esp WhoIsTheGeneral.esp Hunkered Down - No AtomCatsGarage.esp Hunkered Down-Settlements.esp DCGuard_Overhaul-DCEPatch.esp Stm_DiamondCityExpansion.esp CrimeTown.esp NAC.esp NAC-FH.esp NAC-NW.esp NAC-2287.esp NAC Gas Mask 2287 Updated Flags.esp NAC X Water LOD God Rays Fix.esp NAC-RemoveMenuItem.esp Nac X Fogline Fix.esp UltraExteriorLighting.esp UltraInteriorLighting_DarkerAmbience.esp UltraInteriorLighting.esp EnhancedLightsandFX.esp WET.esp Wetness Shader Fix.esp A Forest.esp ELFX-Hunkered Down.esp ELFX-PreVis.esp ELFX-TrainBar.esp ELFX-eXoPatch.esp ELFX-DCGuard_Overhaul.esp GoodneighborExpanded[Patch-Crimetown].esp GoodneighborExpanded[Patch-Previs].esp GoodneighborExpanded[Patch-PRP].esp PRP.esp PRP-Compat-PointLookout.esp Burst Impact Blast FX.esp Pip-Boy Flashlight.esp WestTekTacticalOptics_-_REACTOR_ENB_PATCH_1.1.esp 

So, I'd wanted to do another run of FNV after it'd been a few years and so I decided to follow the VNV guide to get my FNV up to modern scratch in terms of mods, moving over from FOMM to MO2 in the process.
Got that all set up and then proceeded to move across some other mods i'd used in the past, things still all good until I stumbled upon the lucky 38, with the "lucky 38 lights redone" lighting completely detached from the building itself and the lucky 38 only popping into existence when I was very close.
Got to work trying to fix the issue, following every forum in terms of suggested fixing, fucking around with my load order in every possible way, I'd read a suggestion saying to generate my own custom LOD, so I downloaded xLodGen and got to work following all of the steps that were listed here: https://vivanewvegas.moddinglinked.com/lod.html
I took the resulting mesh and textures output from that lodgen and made it into it's own mod in MO2.
Anyway, that failed to fix "Lucky 38 lights redone" and at that point i'd decided to just throw that heap of shit mod out, but generating my LOD has left my game looking like this:
https://imgur.com/a/K5G9Nwa
PS1 environmental objects until I get very close to them, buildings that are half see through, schizophrenic mountain, terrain As I've so far read this may be an issue with my NMC and OJO BUENO texture packs, but I've also got mods related to LOD's for NMC that that should fix this, but clearly not, should I just get rid of my texture packs? I've so many LOD fixes and patches at this point, i've tried several times to regenerate my LOD tinkering with generation settings each time.
Here is my load order:
FalloutNV.esm DeadMoney.esm HonestHearts.esm OldWorldBlues.esm LonesomeRoad.esm GunRunnersArsenal.esm ClassicPack.esm MercenaryPack.esm TribalPack.esm CaravanPack.esm Bad Touch.esm YUP - Base Game + All DLC.esm Better Brotherhood.esm fixy crap ue.esp Functional Post Game Ending.esm Landscape Texture Improvements - YUP Patch.esm Landscape Texture Improvements.esm Main And Pause Menus Overhaul.esm MyNavmeshCompatibilityPatch.esm NavmeshOverhaul.esm Simple Open Freeside.esm Simple Open Strip.esm Uncut Wasteland.esm Vanilla Enhancements.esm Better Character Creation.esm Functional Post Game Ending - Uncut Wasteland Patch (VNV).esp Functional Post Game Ending - YUP Patch.esm TLD_Travelers.esm VNVExtendedNavmeshPatch.esm Strip Lighting Overhaul.esp YUP - NPC Fixes (Base Game + All DLC).esp athornysituation.esp Atmospheric Lighting Tweaks - EVEM Patch.esp JSawyer Ultimate.esp avangraffscorned.esp DLC Enhancements.esp Vigor.esp awilderwasteland.esp B42Inertia.esp Better Brotherhood - FPGE Patch.esp smim - jsue patch.esp Better Brotherhood - YUP Patch.esp Better Strip View.esp CC - Rain.esp Cloud Shadows.esp Crafting Consistency Fix.esp DelayDLCRedux.esp Distant Water Jets.esp DNWeathers.esp Essential DLC Enhancements Merged - JSUE Patch.esp EVE FNV - ALL DLC.esp EVEM - Crafting Consistency Fix Patch.esp EVEM - Vigor Patch.esp EVEM - YUP Patch.esp ExRB.esp FNV FaceGen Fix.esp Follower Tweaks.esp FPGE - EVEM Patch.esp GeneralLightingOverhaul.esp Glowing Ghosts - No Fake Lights.esp Heat Haze.esp ImmersiveRecoil.esp Impostors and LOD Flicker Fix.esp Interior Rain.esp JustAssortedMods.esp Just Sprint Plus - JAM.esp kochandbohr.esp Little More Lamplight.esp LODIFY_FNV.esp Logic and Consistency Fixes.esp Misc Content Restoration - UW (VNV) Patch.esp Misc Content Restoration - YUP Patch.esp Misc Content Restoration.esp MuchNeededLOD.esp NukaCola-Ojo.esp NVMIM.esp originalintro.esp outsidebets.esp Pacersgambit.esp PrereleaseRestored.esp PrimmReputationRestored.esp rockbiter_AnimationSounds.esp rotfacetoriches.esp sawyerbatty.esp Strip Lights Region Fix.esp Strip Trees Open.esp The Living Desert - EVEM Patch.esp The Mod Configuration Menu.esp TLD - FaceGen Tint Fix.esp tmzLODadditions.esp Trap Tweaks.esp TTWLods.esp Uncut Wasteland (VNV) - EVEM Patch.esp Uncut Wasteland (VNV) - Vigor Patch.esp Uncut Wasteland - YUP Patch.esp Uncut Wasteland.esp UniqueBooks.esp UniqueJournals.esp Unofficial Patch NVSE Plus.esp uylssesbarksfix.esp Vanilla UI Plus.esp VarmintRifle22LR.esp Wasted Mojave Rock LOD.esp Viva New Vegas - LOD.esp WMIMNV.esp YellowGoodbye.esp My compatiblity patch.esp
Oh, and here's my mod list if that's also of use idk:
+Clean Vanilla Hud +Vanilla UI Plus (New Vegas) *DLC: CaravanPack *DLC: ClassicPack *DLC: DeadMoney *DLC: GunRunnersArsenal *DLC: HonestHearts *DLC: LonesomeRoad *DLC: MercenaryPack *DLC: OldWorldBlues *DLC: TribalPack +New Vegas Script Extender (xNVSE) +Yukichigai Unofficial Patch - YUP +UIO - User Interface Organizer +lStewieAl's Tweaks and Engine Fixes +The Mod Configuration Menu +MTUI +MCM BugFix 2 +Consistent Pip-Boy Icons v4 +Vish's Patch Hub (YUP) +yUI - User Ynterface +ShowOff xNVSE Plugin +kNVSE Animation Plugin +JohnnyGuitar NVSE +JIP LN NVSE Plugin +AnhNVSE +SUP NVSE +Climate Control NVSE +MoonlightNVSE +Bad Touch NVSE +Muzzle Flash Light Fix - NVSE +Viewmodel Shading Fix - NVSE +Cloud Upgrade NVSE +High Resolution Bloom NVSE +Simple Interior Lighting Overhaul +Rectified Water Towers +4k Mojave Express Dropbox +sandbags - 4k - 2k +Physically Based Wood Crates +Micro Clutter +HD Playing Cards Remastered +Super Mutants HD - 4k Retextures +Creatures HD +Posters HD Remade +Wasted LOD - Cliffs of Mojave +Much Needed LOD fixed rocks color +Different LOD mods little tweaks and additions +Much Needed LOD +Hoover Dam Jets Restored and Distant +More LODs Additions and fixes +LODIFY - Level of detail improvement for your Fallout (TTW And NV Lods) +FNV LOD Supplementation +Better Strip View +FNV LOD Texture Patches +TCM's LOD Overhaul +New Vegas Mesh Improvement Mod - NVMIM +LOD additions and improvements +FNVLODGen Output +FNVLODGen +Strip Lights Region Fix +4k Animated Metal Box Replacer +PipBoy 3000 Remastered +F4NV Auto Doc +Nut's Street Litter Redone +Billboards HD Remade +Magazines of Unparalleled Aesthetic Quality +Better Books - Fallout3NV +2K Wooden Barrels Replacer - Wood and Festus +Nut Water Overhaul +Vurt's Improved Plants +Prerelease Restored +Cloud Shadows +F4NV Billboards +Heat Haze +Playing Cards HD Retexture - Plus Casino Tables +General Lighting Overhaul +Elegant Sunglare Retexture +Glowing Ghosts - Happy Little Holograms Emit Light +Lumen - Ambient Lighting +Afterglow -- Neon illumination +HQ Upscaled posters +Lily Outfit HD +HQ Freeside Shop Signs +HQ Ranger Hat +Goodsprings Sign +Cottonwood Cove Sign +Medical Clinic sign +Blue metal door retexture +Street Signs HD Overhaul +HD Signs Overhaul - Part 2 +NCR Sharecropper Farms Sign retexture +HD Signs Overhaul - Part 3 +HQ Upscaled posters - Part 2 +Red Rock Canyon Sign HD retexture +Clocks HD +Billboards HD +Fire Extinguisher HD +Signs HD - Honest Hearts +Strip and Freeside Signs HD Overhaul +Food HD +Random Stuff HD +Fabulous New Vegas +Unique Books +Hoover Dam Signs HD +White Horsenettle HD +Broc Flower HD +Xander Root HD +Bulletin Board HD +Unique Journals +Various Signs HD +Casino Posters and Signs HD +Sunset Sarsaparilla HD +Casino Rugs HD +Clothes HD - Workers +Clothes HD - Wasteland +Clothes HD - Kings +MAPMO - Main and Pause Menus Overhaul +Clothes HD - Gamblers +Clothes HD - Prewar +Clothes HD - Great Khans +Clothes HD - Powder Gangers +Clothes HD - Doctors +Clothes HD - Kids +Flags HD +Clothes HD - Unique +Clothes HD - Brotherhood +TheFriedTurkey 3 Creature Pack +Robots HD +Higher Poly Rocks +Yellow Goodbye +Windows To The Soul - Full Vanilla Eye Retexture +Strip Palm Trees +Simple Open Strip +Consistent Pip-Boy Icons v5 - Reputation +Consistent Pip-Boy Icons v5 - DLC's Items +Consistent Pip-Boy Icons v5 - Extension +Map Marker Icons +Weapon Hotkey Icons +Consistent Pip-Boy Icons v5 - Framework Plugin +Consistent Pip-Boy Icons v5 - Apparel +Consistent Pip-Boy Icons v5 - Items +Pop-Up Message Icons +Hall Of Face +Securitrons in CRT +Better Grass +OJO BUENO Texture Pack +Hit - Cowboy Victor +Simple Open Freeside +FNV TTW AIO - Interface Upscaled +Vanilla blood textures remastered +Truly HD Main Menu and Loadscreens (incl. TTW) +Logic and Consistency Fixes +Primm Reputation Restored Revised +Ulysses Bark Fix +New Vegas Uncut 5 - A Wilder Wasteland +New Vegas Uncut 4 - A Thorny Situation +New Vegas Uncut 3 - A Van Graff Scorned +New Vegas Uncut 2 - A Koch and Bohr Story +New Vegas Uncut 1 - Rotface to Riches +New Vegas Uncut 7 - Pacers Gambit +New Vegas Uncut 8 - Welcome to Fabulous New Vegas +New Vegas Uncut - Outside Bets +My Compatibility Patch +Edmond's Strip Lighting Overhaul +Uncut Wasteland +Climate Control - Rain +3D Rain +Interior Rain +Landscape Texture Improvements +Wasted Rocks Normals +High Resolution Water Fog - Water Aliasing Fix +More Consistent Vanilla Rock Textures (Less Green Clifftops) +A Little More Lamplight +B42 Optics NV Patches +NV Compatibility Skeleton +B42 Weapon Inertia +FNV Clean Animations +Anniversary Anim Pack +Mostly Fixed FaceGen Tints (NV or TTW) +The Living Desert FaceGen Tint Fix +The Living Desert - Travelers Patrols Consequences Increased Population and more +Essential DLC Enhancements Merged +Functional Post Game Ending +Misc Content Restoration +Viva New Vegas Resources +Better Brotherhood +Harder Barter Faster Stronger +Traps Tweaks - Traps Use Other Skills +Better Character Creation +Essential Vanilla Enhancements Merged +smim patches for all them jsawyer derivatives +SawyerBatty FNV +Simple Vigor Config +Vigor - A Vanilla JSawyer Fork +Auto-Save Manager +Faster Sleep-Wait +Just Sprint Plus - Expansion for JAM and JVS +Immersive Recoil 2.0 +Follower Tweaks +Delay DLC Redux +Better Caravan +Cookable Grenades +JAM - Just Assorted Mods +JIP Improved Recipe Menu ESPless +Menu Search +Faster Main Menu +High Resolution Screens +High Res Local Maps +VUIPlus - Dialog Background Add-on +ExRB - Extended Roombounds +Crafting Consistency Fix +Aqua Performa - Strip Performance Fix +ActorCause Save Bloat Fix +Misc Audio Tweaks and Fixes +skinned mesh improvement mod +Improved Lighting Shaders +Iron Sights Aligned +ISControl Enabler and Ironsights adjuster (now ESPless) +Collision Meshes +PrecisionCollisionFix +Precision Collision - Clutter NV +EVE - Essential Visual Enhancements +New Vegas - Enhanced Camera +Smooth True Iron Sights Camera +bug fixes_separator +Stewie Tweaks Essentials INI +lStewieAl's Engine Optimizations +Viewmodel Shake Fix - NVSE +VATS Lag Fix +Combat Lag Fix (NVSE) +Meshes and Collision - Totally Enhanced Nifs (MAC-TEN) +FNV Mod Limit Fix +NVAC - New Vegas Anti Crash +Unofficial Patch NVSE Plus +Fixed ESMs +Weapon Mesh Improvement Mod +Items Transformed - Enhanced Meshes (ITEM) +PipBoyOn Node Fixes +Improved AI (Navmesh Overhaul Mod) +Depth of Field Fix - NVSE +External Emittance Fix - NVSE +Fallout Alpha Rendering Tweaks - NVSE +Swimming Creatures Fix - ESPless +Pip-Boy Shading Fix NVSE +UTILITIES_separator +NVTF - New Vegas Tick Fix +Crash Logger +gameplay_separator +Improved LOD Noise Texture +NMCs_Texture_Pack_For_New_Vegas +NMC's Pre-Generated LOD Updated +Impostors and LOD Flicker Fix +Less Horrendous Vikki and Vance Casino LOD Mesh +LOD Fixes and Improvements - NVSE +JSawyer Ultimate Edition +22LR Varmint Rifle - Restoration +Desert Natural Weathers - NV - TTW

So, I'd wanted to do another run of FNV after it'd been a few years and so I decided to follow the VNV guide to get my FNV up to modern scratch in terms of mods, moving over from FOMM to MO2 in the process.
Got that all set up and then proceeded to move across some other mods i'd used in the past, things still all good until I stumbled upon the lucky 38, with the "lucky 38 lights redone" lighting completely detached from the building itself and the lucky 38 only popping into existence when I was very close.
Got to work trying to fix the issue, following every forum in terms of suggested fixing, fucking around with my load order in every possible way, I'd read a suggestion saying to generate my own custom LOD, so I downloaded xLodGen and got to work following all of the steps that were listed here: https://vivanewvegas.moddinglinked.com/lod.html
I took the resulting mesh and textures output from that lodgen and made it into it's own mod in MO2.
Anyway, that failed to fix "Lucky 38 lights redone" and at that point i'd decided to just throw that heap of shit mod out, but generating my LOD has left my game looking like this:
https://imgur.com/a/K5G9Nwa
PS1 environmental objects until I get very close to them, buildings that are half see through, schizophrenic mountain, terrain As I've so far read this may be an issue with my NMC and OJO BUENO texture packs, but I've also got mods related to LOD's for NMC that that should fix this, but clearly not, should I just get rid of my texture packs? I've so many LOD fixes and patches at this point, i've tried several times to regenerate my LOD tinkering with generation settings each time.
Here is my load order:
FalloutNV.esm DeadMoney.esm HonestHearts.esm OldWorldBlues.esm LonesomeRoad.esm GunRunnersArsenal.esm ClassicPack.esm MercenaryPack.esm TribalPack.esm CaravanPack.esm Bad Touch.esm YUP - Base Game + All DLC.esm Better Brotherhood.esm fixy crap ue.esp Functional Post Game Ending.esm Landscape Texture Improvements - YUP Patch.esm Landscape Texture Improvements.esm Main And Pause Menus Overhaul.esm MyNavmeshCompatibilityPatch.esm NavmeshOverhaul.esm Simple Open Freeside.esm Simple Open Strip.esm Uncut Wasteland.esm Vanilla Enhancements.esm Better Character Creation.esm Functional Post Game Ending - Uncut Wasteland Patch (VNV).esp Functional Post Game Ending - YUP Patch.esm TLD_Travelers.esm VNVExtendedNavmeshPatch.esm Strip Lighting Overhaul.esp YUP - NPC Fixes (Base Game + All DLC).esp athornysituation.esp Atmospheric Lighting Tweaks - EVEM Patch.esp JSawyer Ultimate.esp avangraffscorned.esp DLC Enhancements.esp Vigor.esp awilderwasteland.esp B42Inertia.esp Better Brotherhood - FPGE Patch.esp smim - jsue patch.esp Better Brotherhood - YUP Patch.esp Better Strip View.esp CC - Rain.esp Cloud Shadows.esp Crafting Consistency Fix.esp DelayDLCRedux.esp Distant Water Jets.esp DNWeathers.esp Essential DLC Enhancements Merged - JSUE Patch.esp EVE FNV - ALL DLC.esp EVEM - Crafting Consistency Fix Patch.esp EVEM - Vigor Patch.esp EVEM - YUP Patch.esp ExRB.esp FNV FaceGen Fix.esp Follower Tweaks.esp FPGE - EVEM Patch.esp GeneralLightingOverhaul.esp Glowing Ghosts - No Fake Lights.esp Heat Haze.esp ImmersiveRecoil.esp Impostors and LOD Flicker Fix.esp Interior Rain.esp JustAssortedMods.esp Just Sprint Plus - JAM.esp kochandbohr.esp Little More Lamplight.esp LODIFY_FNV.esp Logic and Consistency Fixes.esp Misc Content Restoration - UW (VNV) Patch.esp Misc Content Restoration - YUP Patch.esp Misc Content Restoration.esp MuchNeededLOD.esp NukaCola-Ojo.esp NVMIM.esp originalintro.esp outsidebets.esp Pacersgambit.esp PrereleaseRestored.esp PrimmReputationRestored.esp rockbiter_AnimationSounds.esp rotfacetoriches.esp sawyerbatty.esp Strip Lights Region Fix.esp Strip Trees Open.esp The Living Desert - EVEM Patch.esp The Mod Configuration Menu.esp TLD - FaceGen Tint Fix.esp tmzLODadditions.esp Trap Tweaks.esp TTWLods.esp Uncut Wasteland (VNV) - EVEM Patch.esp Uncut Wasteland (VNV) - Vigor Patch.esp Uncut Wasteland - YUP Patch.esp Uncut Wasteland.esp UniqueBooks.esp UniqueJournals.esp Unofficial Patch NVSE Plus.esp uylssesbarksfix.esp Vanilla UI Plus.esp VarmintRifle22LR.esp Wasted Mojave Rock LOD.esp Viva New Vegas - LOD.esp WMIMNV.esp YellowGoodbye.esp My compatiblity patch.esp
Oh, and here's my mod list if that's also of use idk:
+Clean Vanilla Hud +Vanilla UI Plus (New Vegas) *DLC: CaravanPack *DLC: ClassicPack *DLC: DeadMoney *DLC: GunRunnersArsenal *DLC: HonestHearts *DLC: LonesomeRoad *DLC: MercenaryPack *DLC: OldWorldBlues *DLC: TribalPack +New Vegas Script Extender (xNVSE) +Yukichigai Unofficial Patch - YUP +UIO - User Interface Organizer +lStewieAl's Tweaks and Engine Fixes +The Mod Configuration Menu +MTUI +MCM BugFix 2 +Consistent Pip-Boy Icons v4 +Vish's Patch Hub (YUP) +yUI - User Ynterface +ShowOff xNVSE Plugin +kNVSE Animation Plugin +JohnnyGuitar NVSE +JIP LN NVSE Plugin +AnhNVSE +SUP NVSE +Climate Control NVSE +MoonlightNVSE +Bad Touch NVSE +Muzzle Flash Light Fix - NVSE +Viewmodel Shading Fix - NVSE +Cloud Upgrade NVSE +High Resolution Bloom NVSE +Simple Interior Lighting Overhaul +Rectified Water Towers +4k Mojave Express Dropbox +sandbags - 4k - 2k +Physically Based Wood Crates +Micro Clutter +HD Playing Cards Remastered +Super Mutants HD - 4k Retextures +Creatures HD +Posters HD Remade +Wasted LOD - Cliffs of Mojave +Much Needed LOD fixed rocks color +Different LOD mods little tweaks and additions +Much Needed LOD +Hoover Dam Jets Restored and Distant +More LODs Additions and fixes +LODIFY - Level of detail improvement for your Fallout (TTW And NV Lods) +FNV LOD Supplementation +Better Strip View +FNV LOD Texture Patches +TCM's LOD Overhaul +New Vegas Mesh Improvement Mod - NVMIM +LOD additions and improvements +FNVLODGen Output +FNVLODGen +Strip Lights Region Fix +4k Animated Metal Box Replacer +PipBoy 3000 Remastered +F4NV Auto Doc +Nut's Street Litter Redone +Billboards HD Remade +Magazines of Unparalleled Aesthetic Quality +Better Books - Fallout3NV +2K Wooden Barrels Replacer - Wood and Festus +Nut Water Overhaul +Vurt's Improved Plants +Prerelease Restored +Cloud Shadows +F4NV Billboards +Heat Haze +Playing Cards HD Retexture - Plus Casino Tables +General Lighting Overhaul +Elegant Sunglare Retexture +Glowing Ghosts - Happy Little Holograms Emit Light +Lumen - Ambient Lighting +Afterglow -- Neon illumination +HQ Upscaled posters +Lily Outfit HD +HQ Freeside Shop Signs +HQ Ranger Hat +Goodsprings Sign +Cottonwood Cove Sign +Medical Clinic sign +Blue metal door retexture +Street Signs HD Overhaul +HD Signs Overhaul - Part 2 +NCR Sharecropper Farms Sign retexture +HD Signs Overhaul - Part 3 +HQ Upscaled posters - Part 2 +Red Rock Canyon Sign HD retexture +Clocks HD +Billboards HD +Fire Extinguisher HD +Signs HD - Honest Hearts +Strip and Freeside Signs HD Overhaul +Food HD +Random Stuff HD +Fabulous New Vegas +Unique Books +Hoover Dam Signs HD +White Horsenettle HD +Broc Flower HD +Xander Root HD +Bulletin Board HD +Unique Journals +Various Signs HD +Casino Posters and Signs HD +Sunset Sarsaparilla HD +Casino Rugs HD +Clothes HD - Workers +Clothes HD - Wasteland +Clothes HD - Kings +MAPMO - Main and Pause Menus Overhaul +Clothes HD - Gamblers +Clothes HD - Prewar +Clothes HD - Great Khans +Clothes HD - Powder Gangers +Clothes HD - Doctors +Clothes HD - Kids +Flags HD +Clothes HD - Unique +Clothes HD - Brotherhood +TheFriedTurkey 3 Creature Pack +Robots HD +Higher Poly Rocks +Yellow Goodbye +Windows To The Soul - Full Vanilla Eye Retexture +Strip Palm Trees +Simple Open Strip +Consistent Pip-Boy Icons v5 - Reputation +Consistent Pip-Boy Icons v5 - DLC's Items +Consistent Pip-Boy Icons v5 - Extension +Map Marker Icons +Weapon Hotkey Icons +Consistent Pip-Boy Icons v5 - Framework Plugin +Consistent Pip-Boy Icons v5 - Apparel +Consistent Pip-Boy Icons v5 - Items +Pop-Up Message Icons +Hall Of Face +Securitrons in CRT +Better Grass +OJO BUENO Texture Pack +Hit - Cowboy Victor +Simple Open Freeside +FNV TTW AIO - Interface Upscaled +Vanilla blood textures remastered +Truly HD Main Menu and Loadscreens (incl. TTW) +Logic and Consistency Fixes +Primm Reputation Restored Revised +Ulysses Bark Fix +New Vegas Uncut 5 - A Wilder Wasteland +New Vegas Uncut 4 - A Thorny Situation +New Vegas Uncut 3 - A Van Graff Scorned +New Vegas Uncut 2 - A Koch and Bohr Story +New Vegas Uncut 1 - Rotface to Riches +New Vegas Uncut 7 - Pacers Gambit +New Vegas Uncut 8 - Welcome to Fabulous New Vegas +New Vegas Uncut - Outside Bets +My Compatibility Patch +Edmond's Strip Lighting Overhaul +Uncut Wasteland +Climate Control - Rain +3D Rain +Interior Rain +Landscape Texture Improvements +Wasted Rocks Normals +High Resolution Water Fog - Water Aliasing Fix +More Consistent Vanilla Rock Textures (Less Green Clifftops) +A Little More Lamplight +B42 Optics NV Patches +NV Compatibility Skeleton +B42 Weapon Inertia +FNV Clean Animations +Anniversary Anim Pack +Mostly Fixed FaceGen Tints (NV or TTW) +The Living Desert FaceGen Tint Fix +The Living Desert - Travelers Patrols Consequences Increased Population and more +Essential DLC Enhancements Merged +Functional Post Game Ending +Misc Content Restoration +Viva New Vegas Resources +Better Brotherhood +Harder Barter Faster Stronger +Traps Tweaks - Traps Use Other Skills +Better Character Creation +Essential Vanilla Enhancements Merged +smim patches for all them jsawyer derivatives +SawyerBatty FNV +Simple Vigor Config +Vigor - A Vanilla JSawyer Fork +Auto-Save Manager +Faster Sleep-Wait +Just Sprint Plus - Expansion for JAM and JVS +Immersive Recoil 2.0 +Follower Tweaks +Delay DLC Redux +Better Caravan +Cookable Grenades +JAM - Just Assorted Mods +JIP Improved Recipe Menu ESPless +Menu Search +Faster Main Menu +High Resolution Screens +High Res Local Maps +VUIPlus - Dialog Background Add-on +ExRB - Extended Roombounds +Crafting Consistency Fix +Aqua Performa - Strip Performance Fix +ActorCause Save Bloat Fix +Misc Audio Tweaks and Fixes +skinned mesh improvement mod +Improved Lighting Shaders +Iron Sights Aligned +ISControl Enabler and Ironsights adjuster (now ESPless) +Collision Meshes +PrecisionCollisionFix +Precision Collision - Clutter NV +EVE - Essential Visual Enhancements +New Vegas - Enhanced Camera +Smooth True Iron Sights Camera +bug fixes_separator +Stewie Tweaks Essentials INI +lStewieAl's Engine Optimizations +Viewmodel Shake Fix - NVSE +VATS Lag Fix +Combat Lag Fix (NVSE) +Meshes and Collision - Totally Enhanced Nifs (MAC-TEN) +FNV Mod Limit Fix +NVAC - New Vegas Anti Crash +Unofficial Patch NVSE Plus +Fixed ESMs +Weapon Mesh Improvement Mod +Items Transformed - Enhanced Meshes (ITEM) +PipBoyOn Node Fixes +Improved AI (Navmesh Overhaul Mod) +Depth of Field Fix - NVSE +External Emittance Fix - NVSE +Fallout Alpha Rendering Tweaks - NVSE +Swimming Creatures Fix - ESPless +Pip-Boy Shading Fix NVSE +UTILITIES_separator +NVTF - New Vegas Tick Fix +Crash Logger +gameplay_separator +Improved LOD Noise Texture +NMCs_Texture_Pack_For_New_Vegas +NMC's Pre-Generated LOD Updated +Impostors and LOD Flicker Fix +Less Horrendous Vikki and Vance Casino LOD Mesh +LOD Fixes and Improvements - NVSE +JSawyer Ultimate Edition +22LR Varmint Rifle - Restoration +Desert Natural Weathers - NV - TTW

So, I'd wanted to do another run of FNV after it'd been a few years and so I decided to follow the VNV guide to get my FNV up to modern scratch in terms of mods, moving over from FOMM to MO2 in the process.
Got that all set up and then proceeded to move across some other mods i'd used in the past, things still all good until I stumbled upon the lucky 38, with the "lucky 38 lights redone" lighting completely detached from the building itself and the lucky 38 only popping into existence when I was very close.
Got to work trying to fix the issue, following every forum in terms of suggested fixing, fucking around with my load order in every possible way, I'd read a suggestion saying to generate my own custom LOD, so I downloaded xLodGen and got to work following all of the steps that were listed here: https://vivanewvegas.moddinglinked.com/lod.html
I took the resulting mesh and textures output from that lodgen and made it into it's own mod in MO2.
Anyway, that failed to fix "Lucky 38 lights redone" and at that point i'd decided to just throw that heap of shit mod out, but generating my LOD has left my game looking like this:
https://imgur.com/a/K5G9Nwa PS1 environmental objects until I get very close to them, buildings that are half see through, schizophrenic mountain, terrain As I've so far read this may be an issue with my NMC and OJO BUENO texture packs, but I've also got mods related to LOD's for NMC that that should fix this, but clearly not, should I just get rid of my texture packs? I've so many LOD fixes and patches at this point, i've tried several times to regenerate my LOD tinkering with generation settings each time.
Here is my load order:
FalloutNV.esm DeadMoney.esm HonestHearts.esm OldWorldBlues.esm LonesomeRoad.esm GunRunnersArsenal.esm ClassicPack.esm MercenaryPack.esm TribalPack.esm CaravanPack.esm Bad Touch.esm YUP - Base Game + All DLC.esm Better Brotherhood.esm fixy crap ue.esp Functional Post Game Ending.esm Landscape Texture Improvements - YUP Patch.esm Landscape Texture Improvements.esm Main And Pause Menus Overhaul.esm MyNavmeshCompatibilityPatch.esm NavmeshOverhaul.esm Simple Open Freeside.esm Simple Open Strip.esm Uncut Wasteland.esm Vanilla Enhancements.esm Better Character Creation.esm Functional Post Game Ending - Uncut Wasteland Patch (VNV).esp Functional Post Game Ending - YUP Patch.esm TLD_Travelers.esm VNVExtendedNavmeshPatch.esm Strip Lighting Overhaul.esp YUP - NPC Fixes (Base Game + All DLC).esp athornysituation.esp Atmospheric Lighting Tweaks - EVEM Patch.esp JSawyer Ultimate.esp avangraffscorned.esp DLC Enhancements.esp Vigor.esp awilderwasteland.esp B42Inertia.esp Better Brotherhood - FPGE Patch.esp smim - jsue patch.esp Better Brotherhood - YUP Patch.esp Better Strip View.esp CC - Rain.esp Cloud Shadows.esp Crafting Consistency Fix.esp DelayDLCRedux.esp Distant Water Jets.esp DNWeathers.esp Essential DLC Enhancements Merged - JSUE Patch.esp EVE FNV - ALL DLC.esp EVEM - Crafting Consistency Fix Patch.esp EVEM - Vigor Patch.esp EVEM - YUP Patch.esp ExRB.esp FNV FaceGen Fix.esp Follower Tweaks.esp FPGE - EVEM Patch.esp GeneralLightingOverhaul.esp Glowing Ghosts - No Fake Lights.esp Heat Haze.esp ImmersiveRecoil.esp Impostors and LOD Flicker Fix.esp Interior Rain.esp JustAssortedMods.esp Just Sprint Plus - JAM.esp kochandbohr.esp Little More Lamplight.esp LODIFY_FNV.esp Logic and Consistency Fixes.esp Misc Content Restoration - UW (VNV) Patch.esp Misc Content Restoration - YUP Patch.esp Misc Content Restoration.esp MuchNeededLOD.esp NukaCola-Ojo.esp NVMIM.esp originalintro.esp outsidebets.esp Pacersgambit.esp PrereleaseRestored.esp PrimmReputationRestored.esp rockbiter_AnimationSounds.esp rotfacetoriches.esp sawyerbatty.esp Strip Lights Region Fix.esp Strip Trees Open.esp The Living Desert - EVEM Patch.esp The Mod Configuration Menu.esp TLD - FaceGen Tint Fix.esp tmzLODadditions.esp Trap Tweaks.esp TTWLods.esp Uncut Wasteland (VNV) - EVEM Patch.esp Uncut Wasteland (VNV) - Vigor Patch.esp Uncut Wasteland - YUP Patch.esp Uncut Wasteland.esp UniqueBooks.esp UniqueJournals.esp Unofficial Patch NVSE Plus.esp uylssesbarksfix.esp Vanilla UI Plus.esp VarmintRifle22LR.esp Wasted Mojave Rock LOD.esp Viva New Vegas - LOD.esp WMIMNV.esp YellowGoodbye.esp My compatiblity patch.esp
Oh, and here's my mod list if that's also of use idk:
+Clean Vanilla Hud +Vanilla UI Plus (New Vegas) *DLC: CaravanPack *DLC: ClassicPack *DLC: DeadMoney *DLC: GunRunnersArsenal *DLC: HonestHearts *DLC: LonesomeRoad *DLC: MercenaryPack *DLC: OldWorldBlues *DLC: TribalPack +New Vegas Script Extender (xNVSE) +Yukichigai Unofficial Patch - YUP +UIO - User Interface Organizer +lStewieAl's Tweaks and Engine Fixes +The Mod Configuration Menu +MTUI +MCM BugFix 2 +Consistent Pip-Boy Icons v4 +Vish's Patch Hub (YUP) +yUI - User Ynterface +ShowOff xNVSE Plugin +kNVSE Animation Plugin +JohnnyGuitar NVSE +JIP LN NVSE Plugin +AnhNVSE +SUP NVSE +Climate Control NVSE +MoonlightNVSE +Bad Touch NVSE +Muzzle Flash Light Fix - NVSE +Viewmodel Shading Fix - NVSE +Cloud Upgrade NVSE +High Resolution Bloom NVSE +Simple Interior Lighting Overhaul +Rectified Water Towers +4k Mojave Express Dropbox +sandbags - 4k - 2k +Physically Based Wood Crates +Micro Clutter +HD Playing Cards Remastered +Super Mutants HD - 4k Retextures +Creatures HD +Posters HD Remade +Wasted LOD - Cliffs of Mojave +Much Needed LOD fixed rocks color +Different LOD mods little tweaks and additions +Much Needed LOD +Hoover Dam Jets Restored and Distant +More LODs Additions and fixes +LODIFY - Level of detail improvement for your Fallout (TTW And NV Lods) +FNV LOD Supplementation +Better Strip View +FNV LOD Texture Patches +TCM's LOD Overhaul +New Vegas Mesh Improvement Mod - NVMIM +LOD additions and improvements +FNVLODGen Output +FNVLODGen +Strip Lights Region Fix +4k Animated Metal Box Replacer +PipBoy 3000 Remastered +F4NV Auto Doc +Nut's Street Litter Redone +Billboards HD Remade +Magazines of Unparalleled Aesthetic Quality +Better Books - Fallout3NV +2K Wooden Barrels Replacer - Wood and Festus +Nut Water Overhaul +Vurt's Improved Plants +Prerelease Restored +Cloud Shadows +F4NV Billboards +Heat Haze +Playing Cards HD Retexture - Plus Casino Tables +General Lighting Overhaul +Elegant Sunglare Retexture +Glowing Ghosts - Happy Little Holograms Emit Light +Lumen - Ambient Lighting +Afterglow -- Neon illumination +HQ Upscaled posters +Lily Outfit HD +HQ Freeside Shop Signs +HQ Ranger Hat +Goodsprings Sign +Cottonwood Cove Sign +Medical Clinic sign +Blue metal door retexture +Street Signs HD Overhaul +HD Signs Overhaul - Part 2 +NCR Sharecropper Farms Sign retexture +HD Signs Overhaul - Part 3 +HQ Upscaled posters - Part 2 +Red Rock Canyon Sign HD retexture +Clocks HD +Billboards HD +Fire Extinguisher HD +Signs HD - Honest Hearts +Strip and Freeside Signs HD Overhaul +Food HD +Random Stuff HD +Fabulous New Vegas +Unique Books +Hoover Dam Signs HD +White Horsenettle HD +Broc Flower HD +Xander Root HD +Bulletin Board HD +Unique Journals +Various Signs HD +Casino Posters and Signs HD +Sunset Sarsaparilla HD +Casino Rugs HD +Clothes HD - Workers +Clothes HD - Wasteland +Clothes HD - Kings +MAPMO - Main and Pause Menus Overhaul +Clothes HD - Gamblers +Clothes HD - Prewar +Clothes HD - Great Khans +Clothes HD - Powder Gangers +Clothes HD - Doctors +Clothes HD - Kids +Flags HD +Clothes HD - Unique +Clothes HD - Brotherhood +TheFriedTurkey 3 Creature Pack +Robots HD +Higher Poly Rocks +Yellow Goodbye +Windows To The Soul - Full Vanilla Eye Retexture +Strip Palm Trees +Simple Open Strip +Consistent Pip-Boy Icons v5 - Reputation +Consistent Pip-Boy Icons v5 - DLC's Items +Consistent Pip-Boy Icons v5 - Extension +Map Marker Icons +Weapon Hotkey Icons +Consistent Pip-Boy Icons v5 - Framework Plugin +Consistent Pip-Boy Icons v5 - Apparel +Consistent Pip-Boy Icons v5 - Items +Pop-Up Message Icons +Hall Of Face +Securitrons in CRT +Better Grass +OJO BUENO Texture Pack +Hit - Cowboy Victor +Simple Open Freeside +FNV TTW AIO - Interface Upscaled +Vanilla blood textures remastered +Truly HD Main Menu and Loadscreens (incl. TTW) +Logic and Consistency Fixes +Primm Reputation Restored Revised +Ulysses Bark Fix +New Vegas Uncut 5 - A Wilder Wasteland +New Vegas Uncut 4 - A Thorny Situation +New Vegas Uncut 3 - A Van Graff Scorned +New Vegas Uncut 2 - A Koch and Bohr Story +New Vegas Uncut 1 - Rotface to Riches +New Vegas Uncut 7 - Pacers Gambit +New Vegas Uncut 8 - Welcome to Fabulous New Vegas +New Vegas Uncut - Outside Bets +My Compatibility Patch +Edmond's Strip Lighting Overhaul +Uncut Wasteland +Climate Control - Rain +3D Rain +Interior Rain +Landscape Texture Improvements +Wasted Rocks Normals +High Resolution Water Fog - Water Aliasing Fix +More Consistent Vanilla Rock Textures (Less Green Clifftops) +A Little More Lamplight +B42 Optics NV Patches +NV Compatibility Skeleton +B42 Weapon Inertia +FNV Clean Animations +Anniversary Anim Pack +Mostly Fixed FaceGen Tints (NV or TTW) +The Living Desert FaceGen Tint Fix +The Living Desert - Travelers Patrols Consequences Increased Population and more +Essential DLC Enhancements Merged +Functional Post Game Ending +Misc Content Restoration +Viva New Vegas Resources +Better Brotherhood +Harder Barter Faster Stronger +Traps Tweaks - Traps Use Other Skills +Better Character Creation +Essential Vanilla Enhancements Merged +smim patches for all them jsawyer derivatives +SawyerBatty FNV +Simple Vigor Config +Vigor - A Vanilla JSawyer Fork +Auto-Save Manager +Faster Sleep-Wait +Just Sprint Plus - Expansion for JAM and JVS +Immersive Recoil 2.0 +Follower Tweaks +Delay DLC Redux +Better Caravan +Cookable Grenades +JAM - Just Assorted Mods +JIP Improved Recipe Menu ESPless +Menu Search +Faster Main Menu +High Resolution Screens +High Res Local Maps +VUIPlus - Dialog Background Add-on +ExRB - Extended Roombounds +Crafting Consistency Fix +Aqua Performa - Strip Performance Fix +ActorCause Save Bloat Fix +Misc Audio Tweaks and Fixes +skinned mesh improvement mod +Improved Lighting Shaders +Iron Sights Aligned +ISControl Enabler and Ironsights adjuster (now ESPless) +Collision Meshes +PrecisionCollisionFix +Precision Collision - Clutter NV +EVE - Essential Visual Enhancements +New Vegas - Enhanced Camera +Smooth True Iron Sights Camera +bug fixes_separator +Stewie Tweaks Essentials INI +lStewieAl's Engine Optimizations +Viewmodel Shake Fix - NVSE +VATS Lag Fix +Combat Lag Fix (NVSE) +Meshes and Collision - Totally Enhanced Nifs (MAC-TEN) +FNV Mod Limit Fix +NVAC - New Vegas Anti Crash +Unofficial Patch NVSE Plus +Fixed ESMs +Weapon Mesh Improvement Mod +Items Transformed - Enhanced Meshes (ITEM) +PipBoyOn Node Fixes +Improved AI (Navmesh Overhaul Mod) +Depth of Field Fix - NVSE +External Emittance Fix - NVSE +Fallout Alpha Rendering Tweaks - NVSE +Swimming Creatures Fix - ESPless +Pip-Boy Shading Fix NVSE +UTILITIES_separator +NVTF - New Vegas Tick Fix +Crash Logger +gameplay_separator +Improved LOD Noise Texture +NMCs_Texture_Pack_For_New_Vegas +NMC's Pre-Generated LOD Updated +Impostors and LOD Flicker Fix +Less Horrendous Vikki and Vance Casino LOD Mesh +LOD Fixes and Improvements - NVSE +JSawyer Ultimate Edition +22LR Varmint Rifle - Restoration +Desert Natural Weathers - NV - TTW