my boyfriend m(26) and I, f(26) have been together for almost 3 years. 6 months into our relationship he came over a lot and slowly just moved in without any of us acknowledging it.
that came with a lot of arguing as we barely together and were still learning a lot about each other and now learning how to live with each other. I am very clean freak and just always cleaned or always wanted things done asap so we didn’t have to do it later. For example, after I cook dinner he washes dishes but sometimes he would want to wash it later and I wanted it done then.
We ended up breaking up for a month due to all the arguing and he moved back to our hometown. My lease was then over and I got an apartment with my friend. We got back together and he ended up coming to this apartment a lot just to hang out. but I was less of a clean freak here because I had a roommate and it wasn’t primarily my place. He has not lived with me since.
Up until recently he’s been thinking about it again. I just bought a house 3 weeks ago by myself and while he’s been over I have mentioned to him that it could just make sure he picks up after himself since this is now my home that I would love to take care of. I guess that rubbed him the wrong way and brought up some memories from when we first lived together and all the arguments that he kinda just started thinking.
A week after that talk he came over and had the mindset of breaking up. I was genuinely confused and asked why? He said he didn’t think he could live with me if I was bossy and always nagging about cleaning.
Up until this point I didn’t know the conversation we had a week ago bothered him. He expressed to me he’s scared to move in with me if it’s going to be a repetitive cycle of arguing again because I’m such a clean freak and it wouldn’t be healthy for our relationship. I listened to him talk and let him know I understand how he feels but I am much more chill and I wouldn’t be bossy if he lived here. I just let him know that I would actively work on not nagging him and just mention it once and not continuously because I know that can be annoying. Also learning how to pick my battles I would rather close the closet door then to pick a fight and ask why he didn’t close it.
He decided he would take my word and if he sees me being less bossy then he would know that his feelings were validated and if he didn’t see change he would leave.
My question is what are some ways that you became less bossy and also any relating stories?

My Goodness, I really can't imagine that we've made it to the penultimate episode of season 2. We're just two days away from the premiere, we've seen the first five minutes of the episode which feature Benedict heavily, and the red carpet was last night. I really did not think we'd ever get here.
"Harmony" finds the Bridgertons and the Sharmas embroiled in scandal and ousted by society after the fallout from Anthony and Edwina's aborted wedding. Eloise is falsely accused of being Lady Whistledown by the Queen herself, leaving Penelope between a rock and a hard place. With that in mind, let's get into it.
Benedict makes his first appearance in this episode seated in the Bridgerton drawing room with his sketchbook. He groans loudly when his mother suggests the family all promenade together. He asks Anthony if there is something more he should know regarding his brother's situation when Anthony grumbles that a respectable family is headed by a gentleman, but Anthony rebuffs his brother's offer to help. I feel like we see this all the time in the show: Benedict offering to lend a hand to Anthony, or attempting to connect with him, but Anthony doesn't often accept his brother's help.
Benedict later promenades with the family, looking tight-lipped, like he knows before the rest of his family what's coming. Still though, he smiles, because Benedict I've learned in this rewatch is a master at not letting things get to him. This comes to a boiling point in the finale, and I believe we will see it continue in season three as well (but... more on that tomorrow). After Eloise's stand off with the Queen, we see Benedict again, always at Anthony's side as they walk together through Hyde Park, looking just lovely as he often does.
Just shy of the twenty minute mark, we find Benedict enjoying the revelry of his art school life, sitting next to Tessa, when Anthony stops by to see him. Anthony appears disappointed to find Benedict partying rather than studying, and when he inquires if Benedict does this every night, he groans and asks, "Did you come to admonish me?" before pouting. Anthony reminds Benedict that being the second son doesn't completely exempt him from duty, and Benedict catches on that his brother's attitude has something to do with Kate. Benedict finally admits out loud that he notices how Anthony looks at her. He tells Anthony that he should do with his life what Benedict does with his art: remember that it's simply a matter of perspective. Anthony coldly accuses Benedict of "taking the tea" again before leaving his brother behind. This scene is very telling of their relationship. It seems they can never really get on the same page: when Benedict offers help, Anthony doesn't want to hear it, and when Anthony seeks him out, he's in an inebriated state that leads Anthony to wave off anything his brother says. It's a tale as old as time, the ballad of the heir and the spare. One honor bound by responsibility, the other merely waiting on the sidelines for the day he might be needed. It's obvious that Benedict is confident Anthony isn't going anywhere in how he leans into the parties, drugs, drinks, and women (or, really, woman, singular, as we discussed yesterday). But underneath it all is in fact the soul of an artist who sees more than he lets on, and may even be better at managing society than Anthony himself.
Later, as Violet discusses her Harmony Ball in the drawing room, Eloise and Benedict play chess off to the side until Eloise sticks her head out the window, sweating from stress. Benedict then suggests Violet change the theme of the ball.
Finally the day of the Harmony Ball arrives. Benedict descends the steps of Bridgerton House, not exactly looking surprised that the plan has failed. He approaches Anthony, insisting he doesn't want to be around the misery and decides to head to his studio. Though, Anthony finally takes his advice, saying he's looking at things with a new perspective, and tells Benedict to stay for a dance. We get the lovely moment where the Bridgertons and Sharmas engage in the country dance. Benedict first dances with Eloise, looking quite happy, and this may be the first time Eloise is happy to be dancing as well. Benedict's next partner is Hyacinth, followed by Violet. I love that he dances with his two younger siblings and his mother, because it just shows how much he does care for his family, ultimately seeking them out more than the others in the room. This is only the second time in the show that we see Benedict dancing in full clarity, and it's such a wonderful moment, one of my favorites from the series. When the Bridgertons learn why no one is at the ball following the Whistledown paper arriving, Benedict looks worried for his sister and his family in the background. When Eloise runs from the room, he and Colin exchange worried looks, and when Anthony goes as well, Benedict turns to him, lifting his arms in question of exactly what is happening.
This is the last we see of Benedict before the season two finale, and while he didn't necessarily have a lot of screen time here, the time he does have is telling. Benedict's word for this episode is "perspective." We learn that Benedict is always taking perspective into consideration when working on his art, but also that perhaps Benedict's perspective on his family and brother is a bit wider than we originally thought. We learn in this episode that Benedict suspected Anthony's feelings for Kate all along, and we also see him being a bit more privy to the fact that Violet's plans to right the family's reputation may not work they way they wish it to. It's Benedict who finally gets Anthony to see things differently, if only for a moment, and in turn, it's because of Benedict that the Bridgertons and Sharmas have a mere moment of pleasure when they all dance together. It's a lovely notion that Benedict is kind of a harbinger of joy in that sense. But as we enter the finale, we do so with the awareness that Benedict's happiness as we've seen it the last three episodes is fleeting.
Tomorrow is the very last day of our Benedict focused rewatch, and I really don't have words to explain how crazy it is that we're so close to having more Benedict scenes to break down soon! And who knows... we may be merely eight episodes away from meeting Sophie! Even if Benedict himself doesn't meet her yet. See everyone tomorrow for "The Viscount Who Loved Me."
Best Benedict quote from this episode: "Things may seem bleak now, Brother. But if I'm learning anything from my art studies, it's that it is almost always a matter of... perspective. I look at my art, and if I do not like what I see, I may always alter the color palette, but I certainly do not toss the entire design aside. Perhaps you, too, could do the same in your own life."

Background
The Dunmer population of Windhelm is composed primarily of refugees (or born of refugees) who escaped Vvardenfel’s disastrous living conditions after the eruption of the Red Mountain in 4E 5, known as the Red Year. The migration of most of these refugees likely took place in the years following the disaster. In the roughly 200 years since, they’ve built a sizable community within Windhelm’s ghetto, formerly known as the Snow Quarter. The squalor they live in during the present time (4E 201) is indicative of their long struggle to integrate with the Nord majority. Now, why has there been such a struggle?
According to a variety of non-Dunmer NPC dialogue, the common sentiment is that the Dunmer keep to themselves, they do not try to integrate, they do not work hard, and they do not get involved with the war effort. The in-game book Scourge of the Gray Quarter by Frilgeth Horse-Breaker makes many complaints on the Dunmer’s existence in Windhelm, reiterating such sentiments and claiming they do not contribute to the city. That the book makes reference to Ulfric as jarl, it can be assumed that these are at the very least the sentiments of the present time.
The Struggle
The book notably compares the Dunmer of Windhelm to the Dunmer of Riften, claiming the Dunmer of Riften are able to integrate because they are more hard working and engage in honest labor. In this explanation the writer (quite obviously) shows their bias in they neglect the crucial detail of describing the cities themselves. The people of Riften do not have the same level of xenophobia that those in Windhelm do. They do not have a jarl whose actions encourage the separation of multiple “outsider” groups and Nords. The people of Riften engage with the Dunmer like they would anyone else, contrasted with Windhelm where a Dunmer is more often than not labeled as an “outsider”.
The treatment of Dunmer refugees in Riften also differ in that they were not relegated to a ghetto. This is not to say that Windhelm explicitly forbids Dunmer from buying homes outside of the Gray Quarter (although dialogue of Aval Atheron might suggest so), but rather they are not afforded social mobility as a whole. According to Malthyr Elenil ‘s dialogue, the Quarter “wasn't always so bad”. Judging by the architecture relative to the rest of the city, I’d argue that this Quarter was a slum prior to the Dunmer arrival. In essence, it was a slum before they got there and it remains a slum today (if not worse), but is it the fault of the Dunmer? According to the dialogue of Scouts-Many-Marshes, an Argonian living on the Windhelm docks, it is implied that an Argonian working in Windhelm makes 8 septims per day plus lodging, presumably a tenth the wage of a “proper Nord worker”. Whether or not this “tenth” is an exaggeration or not, Scouts refers to this level of pay as akin to slave labor. Comparing the squalor of the Argonians and the Dunmer, and taking into account the kind of jobs available to them in this city, it can be fairly assumed that the Dunmer do not make much more money than the Argonians when working for the Windhelm Nords. Contrasted again with Riften, where no such race based pay gap seems to exist. How can the Dunmer be expected then, to adequately maintain their neighborhoods on a pay that is a mere fraction of a Nords?
Trying to make a comparison of “work ethic” between the Dunmer of Riften and Windhelm is inherently unfair when you ignore the near diametric social conditions of the two cities. This is also indicative of the Windhelm Nord’s refusal to acknowledge the roots of Dunmer issues. The old jarls of Windhelm may have accepted the refugees, but the Nord citizens have clearly endeavored to keep them at an arm’s length, leading to the segregation of the Windhelm Dunmer we see today.
The “Good Ones” and the Model Minority
Many might look upon Beylyn Hlaalu as proof that any Dunmer can work their way out of poverty. He is the only Dunmer land owner in Windhelm, a proud man who credits his success to his hard work and resents the poorer Dunmer for complaining. But what many fail to consider is that he is a descendent of House Hlaalu, a former Great House of Morrowind. Although House Hlaalu at this point has lost all major political power, they’re still a family of considerable wealth and influence in Raven Rock, albeit under a fake name. I find it rather likely then, in a culture who so values clanship, that Beylyn Hlaalu has had monetary support from his wealthy relatives in order to at the very least kickstart his farm. And although there are no explicit pieces of lore that support this, one must wonder if it is truly coincidence that the shining example of Dunmer success is one born from a not too distantly historically powerful family.
The successes of the Altmer residents in Windhelm are also cited as proof of Dunmer failings. They are Nurelion, Niranye, Ulundil, and his wife Arivanya. Niranye is presumably the newest Altmer migrant to the city, saying she's only just arrived from the Summerset Isles. She is the only one of the Altmer to make references to mistreatment by Nords, claiming that it was difficult at first but she'd eventually proved her usefulness. Clearly she has been able to integrate with Nord society, and once again it is credited as her own hard work. But is that completely true? There are three factors for her ease of integration that are being ignored here: Unlike the Dunmer, the Altmer arrived as business minded merchants and not as refugees, There were already well established and respected Altmer living in the city prior to her arrival, and her business is unfairly propped up by her dealings with crime guilds. Her business directly competes with that of Ravyn Sadri, a Dunmer general goods merchant. By acquiring her goods through her criminal connections and selling at absurdly low prices, she is able to quite easily undercut Ravyn’s business, who operates honestly.
Referencing Scourge of the Gray Quarter again, the writing finishes by claiming that Windhelm Argonians should be the model for Dunmer behavior and acceptance. They write that the Argonian “has learned how to best contribute to their new home…toiling with utmost efficiency and bright smiles”. Once again this text omits crucial details. The Argonians are forbidden, by decree of Ulfric Stormcloak, from entering the city. And make no mistake, this segregation is not because of the racial tensions between Dunmer and Argonian. According to dialogue from Brunwulf Free-Winter it was primarily due to Ulfric’s distrust of foreigners and Nord stubbornness. They are only permitted to reside on the docks and, as stated before, make a mere fraction of the pay of a Nord worker because of the explicit reason of not being a Nord. This is the proposed model for acceptance? Exploitation, racial hierarchy, and wage slavery? Who reads Scourge of the Gray Quarter, looks at the Argonians, and genuinely thinks they’ve successfully integrated?
When holding these so-called examples of Dunmer failures to light, it’s clear to see that they hold little water. The successes of the “good ones” are not wholly the result of pulling themselves up by their bootstraps, but likely by benefitting from pre existing privileges that gave them an advantage over the Dunmer as a whole. And the proposed solution for those without such privileges? Becoming servile and catering to the Nords at the Dunmer’s own expense. In the face of mistreatment and mistrust by the majority group, an administration that refuses to listen to them, racially biased pay gaps, a competition that cheats them, and wage slavery: how rational is it to say all they need to do is “work harder”?
Another Man’s War
A common criticism of the Windhelm Dunmer is that they refuse to join Ulfric Stormcloak’s war effort. Many claim that it is their duty as residents of Windhelm, that they owe a debt to the city for taking them in as refugees 200 years ago. But I ask you this, why should they fight on behalf of a system that harms them? It should first be said that the Stormcloak Rebellion’s primary function is to release Skyrim from the rule of the Empire, so that Skyrim’s people may solely be governed by those who live in Skyrim (Ignoring for a moment that Ulfric’s rebellion was set in motion by the Thalmor to weaken the Empire, according to the Thalmor Dossier). An admirable sentiment, but it has manifested itself as highly xenophobic and oftentimes hostile (most commonly verbally) to those who are not Nords. In the case of the Windhelm Dunmer, it has led to the local Nords being more distrustful than ever before. More dialogue from Brunwulf indicates the escalation of racial tension in the city is primarily the result of Ulfric’s “Skyrim for the Nords” rhetoric. This paired with Ulfric’s complete apathy towards the issues faced by non-Nords in his hold communicates a hatred towards them and systematically harms them.
Many players are under the impression that the Dunmer received free housing and live tax free due to what is written in the Decree of Monument."untithed to any thane or hold, and self-governed, with free worship, with no compensation to Skyrim or the Empire”. I’d argue the text is referring to taxes rather than housing, and no other in-game source makes reference to the housing situation either. But does that mean it is true that the Dunmer don’t pay taxes? One of the outcomes of Revyn Sadri’s quest results in him having to pay “increased taxes” to the city of Windhelm, implying that yes, the Dunmer are currently paying taxes. I do not think it is likely that only Revyn or only some Dunmer are paying taxes. It can be fairly assumed then that at some point between 4E 20 (when the monument was placed) and the present time of 4E 201, the Dunmer were made to pay taxes like any other citizen. As for housing, I find it unlikely the Dunmer received the Gray Quarter for free. As stated earlier, it was likely a slum to begin with, meaning it would’ve been considerably cheap to move in. Perhaps offered to them at a reduced price. It is important to note that the Dunmer being refugees at the beginning does not automatically mean they were penniless upon arrival, likely poor, but it would be unrealistic to assume all of them had nothing at all. Realizing now that the Dunmer of Windhelm are tax paying citizens who are continually ignored and othered by their ruler, it surely must be understandable then why they would refuse to fight on behalf of a system that at this point only takes from them. They owe the Nordic administration no loyalty
Conclusion
With a ruling majority that will more often than not shun, insult, or exploit them, It is no wonder then how the Dunmer of Windhelm as a whole have not been able to integrate, that they “keep to themselves”, that they “don’t contribute to the city”. For how can one integrate with those who refuse to ever fully accept them? If you wonder why they do not leave, with what funds could they start anew? If you wonder why they dont help the Nords in their war, why would they fight for a cause that harms them? The system is as the system does, and that system is racism.
Author’s Note
Idk what I wrote all this for lmao. Ive been playing skyrim for over a decade so I guess I thought it would be interesting to engage with the game in another way that's new to me. It was only recently that I got more interested in actually talking to NPCs, learning more about the game world, not just in it for the cool fights and jiggle physics mods (tho i do love em). There's a good degree of guess work here, which I suppose is to be expected with what few pieces that are available we can put together. But I tried to cite as much from official lore as I can. Was def fun trying to take a more nuanced lens to this fantastical game world.
But what do you think? Do you think my analysis is accurate? I'd love to see your opinions on the topic!
SOURCES
https://elderscrolls.fandom.com/wiki/Red_Year
https://elderscrolls.fandom.com/wiki/Scourge_of_the_Gray_Quarter
https://elderscrolls.fandom.com/wiki/Malthyr_Elenil
https://elderscrolls.fandom.com/wiki/Aval_Atheron
https://elderscrolls.fandom.com/wiki/Scouts-Many-Marshes
https://elderscrolls.fandom.com/wiki/Belyn_Hlaalu#Conversations
https://elderscrolls.fandom.com/wiki/House_Hlaalu#Fourth_Era
https://elderscrolls.fandom.com/wiki/Vendil_Severin
https://elderscrolls.fandom.com/wiki/Niranye
https://elderscrolls.fandom.com/wiki/Revyn_Sadri
https://elderscrolls.fandom.com/wiki/Brunwulf_Free-Winter
https://elderscrolls.fandom.com/wiki/Thalmor_Dossier:_Ulfric_Stormcloak
https://en.m.uesp.net/wiki/Skyrim:Decree_of_Monument

Hi, I’ll try to keep this short as I’m a chronic over-sharer. But my ex (28F) and I (25f) were together for a year and a half, and were friends before then. Two months ago, I decided I needed some space because we were moving really fast and I felt like I wasn’t getting any alone time. I was also dealing with some serious depression and anxiety. I told her I just needed some space to clear my head. A week after we broke up, she told me she ran into her first love ex (of four years) while she was back home. She reassured me that it was just a small catch up and nothing else. By this time, I had told her that I do want to be with her. She then began to say over the next few weeks that she needed to “learn how to be on her own” as she has been a serial monogamist since dating her first ex. She told me she wanted to be together but she just needed time to gain trust in me again/be comfortable on her own. Fast forward a few weeks, we had decided I would move out so she could experience being on her own (while we worked on ourselves). As I was picking up the last of my things, I found out that she had had her ex over in our apartment and has been reconnecting with her. They also had sex in our bed. I honestly want nothing to do with her, but I’m so hung up on how quickly she switched her feelings off for me and is now spending time with her ex again. For reference, her and her ex dated on and off for a few years and she has told me in the past they had an unhealthy relationship. I learned that my ex had rebounded pretty quickly to the girl she dated before me (who she dated for about a year). We also got into a relationship pretty quickly after she and her “rebound” broke up. She treated me so well while we were together, and I was never insecure about her having lingering feelings for her ex. We had talked about getting engaged this year (which was partially why I needed space- I felt like things were moving really fast) and now she’s gone back to her first ex. It hurts so much, because I wonder if I ever meant anything to her or if I was just a placeholder until she could be back together with her first love/ex. It felt so real when we were together, but now that I know she’s been stringing me along and using me as a backup in case things don’t work out with her ex, I wonder if I was ever able to compare to her. She has tried to guilt me into saying that none of this would have happened (her and her ex reconnecting) if I hadn’t said I needed space. But I told her it wasn’t fair to blame everything on me, because I have been very honest throughout this entire time about my feelings and have genuinely been trying to make things work. Not only has she lied about being in contact with her ex, but she has been allowing me to think that the reason she hasn’t wanted to sleep togethe be intimate was because she just needed time to “feel comfortable again”. But now I know I was just used.
I honestly just want to know if their relationship is going to last. I respect myself too much to get back into a relationship with her, but it kills me to know that we could’ve gotten back together and he chose someone she hadn’t been in contact with for four years over our relationship. I’ve been so sick about it all. Please be kind, I’m aware of my own shortcomings.

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Heya! These posts/introduction messages always feel awkward and forced for me 😅 so buckle up 🤪…
Let’s get what I’m looking for out of the way, as no sense in taking up more of your time if it’s obvious that we aren’t a fit.
What I’m seeking:
As of current, my primary interests align most with a FWB situation, but I am open to any form of connection that develops organically between us (including simple friendship). I’m relatively open with regard to availability, though in an ideal world you would be open to seeing each other 1-2+ times a week. I’m attracted to a wide range of personalities and body types, so it can be hard to relay my interests there and is usually best just to connect and see if we click or not. I guess in the end, I’m pretty flexible in my interest and desires.
It’s also important to note that I do not smoke or drink at all. I don’t judge if you do either, but I will say that being around cigarette smoke is likely to be a dealbreaker for me. As for weed, I hate the smell, so I just ask that you please avoid smoking it around me. Vapes are fine, just please don’t blow them in my direction as I personally don’t care to breath that in. Alcohol I have no problem being around in all capacities lol get plastered for all I care.
A bit about myself:
It’s always hard to gauge what to share to the world in “bios” like this..I’ll try to highlight some of my most prominent characteristics and details 🤷‍♂️.
Let’s start physical. I’m 6’7”, definitely a dad bod with a bit of a stomach, 33 years young, long brown curly-ish/wavy hair (admittedly facing some male pattern baldness at my forehead hairline, so doing what I can with what I’ve got while I can 🤷‍♂️), brown eyes, wear glasses (if that matters to you at all), maintain a beard at all times (take the hair where I can, right? 🤪🤷‍♂️), and wear a size 19 shoe (putting that out there as it’s always a shocker 😆). No, I never played basketball for any teams growing up, but did play pickup games often after high school. The weather is just fine “up here” 🤪. As for style, or lack thereof 😆, you’ll likely always see me in some form of graphic or plain T-shirt with likely some form of shorts (I love the cold and hate being hot) year round, though every now and then I’ll change it up with pants and/or pollos 🤷‍♂️. I want to be more stylish tbh, but I don’t have the eye for good style, I’m colorblind, and often don’t feel other styles would suit my looks 🤷‍♂️. Speaking of looks, standard bearded Caucasian nerd looking dude lol, though when people see me, they might be quick to assume I’m the standard white conservative Christian type, when in reality I’m far from such (curse the genetics and looks I was born into 😭).
Kink friendly, so any questions or curiosity around such please feel free to bring up and discuss with me further.
I think that’s a good start on physical attributes, let’s move on to the internal ish…
Gah this section is much tougher to fill out 😅. Look, I just love just about everybody, will generally give everybody the time of day and benefit of doubt, can strike up a convo with just about anyone (though sometimes I need the other person to engage the start of that convo 😅), and would do my best to help and protect anyone around. I just want the best for everyone, ya know? I’d say i lean more extroverted, but do battle a moderate amount of social anxiety that im sure you’ve picked up on by now..you’d likely think im more introverted with how often I stay home and how little I randomly reach out to friends/others. It’s not that I don’t love getting out and about and don’t care to talk to my friends, I just get so caught up in my day to day life that it just doesn’t cross my mind, OR I get social anxiety (especially if I haven’t spoken to someone in a long time, I always worry they think I don’t care about them and our friendship).
Beyond this, it’s hard to list my other qualities, so I’ll just move on to interests and maybe that’ll help highlight more?
My Interests:
Can’t help but feel kind of boring and basic when filling out this section 😅. I feel like it’s a lot of what most people list as their interests and that my list is small/limited/boring. Travel Culture/language Food Music (very large and eclectic taste in music) Gaming of any form (video, board, etc) Puzzles/challenges/sports (I love a good challenge, so huge kudos if you are competitive) Technology (always fascinating what we are making in this world) I’d like to learn to dance but right now I’m very self conscious about my terrible dancing (I feel awkward 😔)
Disinterests: Low hanging ceiling fans and light fixtures 🤪
Details regarding my current Poly configuration:
I’m happily married with one child. If I do take on any new partners I never expect you to take on any form of relationship or responsibility for the rest of my family beyond just maintaining a safe space through proxy. My wife and I practice kitchen table Poly, so we are completely open to everyone happily interacting together, but if you aren’t comfortable interacting with the rest of my family no problem! Ask if you have any further questions on how we Poly ethically, happy to answer any questions!
Anyways, I’ve made this long enough…if you’ve made it this far, thank you so much for taking the time to read my post to entirety! Even if we aren’t meant to connect, you and your time are greatly appreciated! Sending my warmest regards and a friendly virtual hug ❤️.

I (24F) am in a long distance relationship with my bf (35M) for a little over a year. Currently I'm studying in my home country and I am finishing my 1st year of bachelor's this year. My home country is not where I want to stay because of mentality and politics. Original plan for me and my bf was that I finish my bachelor's and start master's in his country or we move somewhere else together. That would be approximately mid 2026 if everything goes as planned.
Lately, my boyfriend has been in a crisis because of the distance. He is saying that he can't handle the distance, not seeing me very often and he has been making big deal out of anything and escalating arguments with me, his family and coworkers because he is frustrated and lonely. His mood is changing from being patient and just happy to have me, to wanting to break up, and that goes in circle, because he can't handle the distance.
During our last fight (he told me he got mad because I am going out with friends without means of communication because I broke my phone, but when we actually talked about it, it was all about the distance) I came up with a possibility that I am not so sure is a smart idea but could also be a great opportunity to leave this hole which I want to leave asap since this year's "elections".
The idea is that I finish this year of uni, quit, move to his country, start learning a language and start uni there in academic year 2025/26 when I would, again, be a 1st year. That year I could possibly graduate uni here if I don't fail any years again (I am not a greatest student). I would move in with him and he would put me through school. He was ecstatic hearing that I might move in within few months. Even before I mentioned this he said he won't be able to keep missing me for 2 years and is reaching his breaking point and that, as much as he tries, he will probably end up breaking up or fu*k up beyond repair.
Our relationship wasn't the best for the last year. He is always saying that most of our problems would go away if we were closer. It has been rocky and we had a period where we fought every week over stupid things that I don't even remember now. I know this guy loves me a lot and would do anything for me and I love him too. But if something happens and we break up I won't have anyone to lean on (I do have a friend in his country and worst case scenario she would help me but I don't want to bring her in that situation). If I fail uni here I can always go back home.
The biggest issue I have with this is starting uni again. I paused school to work and figure out what I want, had an injury (spent my small savings for treatment), and all that put me back from accomplishing my goal of getting a degree and finding a job that I like and stop getting financial help from my mom. My boyfriend says that losing this extra years doesn't matter because we will be together (which, yes, we would be together, yay!) but I can't help but feel stupid and like a loser for prolonging uni for so long. His country has one of the best opportunities for me in my field of study which is also a big plus but just this feeling like I have been wasting my time here when I will start again is killing me.
So, in the end I need to choose between finishing uni in 2 years in a place where I don't want to be (I don't even have family in this city) and break up with my bf or stay with my boyfriend, move across Europe and start uni again. Should I move?

Zelorixians
Kingdom: Zeloriaria
Phylum: Auroriformes
Class: Zelorixia
Order: Harmoniida
Family: Aurorifidae
Genus: Zelorix
Species: Z. aurorix
(Anatomical Structure)

• Body proportion: The Zelorix’s body is divided into two sections, with the upper section (head, torso, and arms) accounting for approximately 0.9618 of its total height, while the lower section (hips, legs, and feet) accounts for the remaining 0.0382.
• Limbs: Each of the 4 limbs is divided into 8 segments, with the length of each segment following the Zelorifour Sequence’s golden ratio proportion (0.9618:0.0382).
• Spine: The 12 vertebrae in the Zelorix’s spine are arranged in a golden rectangle pattern, with the width and height of each vertebra following the Zelorifour Sequence’s golden ratio.
• Ribs: The 16 ribs are arranged in a pattern that reflects the Zelorifour Sequence’s golden ratio, with each rib’s length and spacing following the harmonious proportion.
• Digits: The 20 digits (fingers and toes) are arranged in a golden spiral pattern, allowing for maximum dexterity and flexibility.
• Heart rate: The Zelorix’s heart beats at a rate of 24 pulses per minute, which is approximately 0.9618 times the square root of its total number of digits (20).

(Sensory features)

• Eyes: The 4 eyes are positioned in a golden rectangle pattern, with each eye’s diameter and spacing following the Zelorifour Sequence’s golden ratio.
• Ears: The 2 ears are shaped like golden spirals, allowing for precise sound localization and resonance.
• Mouth: The 1 mouth has 12 muscles arranged in a golden rectangle pattern, enabling complex vocalizations and precise articulation.
• Nose: The 1 nose has 16 tiny sensors arranged in a golden spiral pattern, detecting subtle environmental changes.
• Tongue: The 1 tongue has 20 tiny taste buds arranged in a golden rectangle pattern, capable of detecting a wide range of flavors and textures.

(Physical Abilities/Lifespan)

• Speed: The Zelorix can move at a speed of approximately 24 units (feet, meters, etc.) per second, which is roughly 0.9618 times the square root of its total number of digits (20).
• Endurance: The Zelorix has an endurance level of 12.8 units (hours, minutes, etc.), which is approximately 0.9618 times the square root of its total number of ribs (16).
• Lifespan: The Zelorix’s lifespan is approximately 61.8 units (years, etc.), which is roughly 0.9618 times the square root of its total number of vertebrae (12).
• Agility: The Zelorix has an agility level of 8.48 units (an arbitrary unit of measurement), which is approximately 0.9618 times the square root of its total number of muscles in each limb (8).

(Intelligence)

• Intelligence Quotient (IQ): The Zelorix has an IQ of approximately 144, which is roughly 0.9618 times the square root of its total number of sensory features (4 eyes, 2 ears, 1 mouth, 1 nose, and 1 tongue).

Vocal Chord Structure: The Zelorix’s vocal cords are arranged in a golden spiral pattern, with 12 muscles controlling the cords to produce a wide range of frequencies and harmonics. The vocal cords themselves are divided into 8 segments, each with a length that follows the Zelorifour Sequence’s golden ratio proportion (0.9618:0.0382). This unique structure allows the Zelorix to produce a vast array of sounds, from melodic tones to complex vocalizations.
(Eye Sight)
The Zelorix’s eyes are capable of perceiving a wide range of wavelengths, from infrared to ultraviolet light. Its eyes are structured in a golden rectangle pattern, with each eye containing 20 tiny sensors arranged in a golden spiral pattern, following the Zelorifour Sequence’s golden ratio proportion (0.9618:0.0382). This allows the Zelorix to detect subtle changes in its environment and perceive its surroundings with exceptional clarity. The Zelorix’s eyes are also capable of moving independently, allowing it to track multiple objects or targets simultaneously, with a tracking speed of approximately 0.9618 times the square root of its total number of sensors (20).
(Visual Perception)

• The Zelorix’s eyes are capable of perceiving a wide range of wavelengths, from 380 nanometers (violet) to 780 nanometers (red), with a peak sensitivity at 560 nanometers (green), following the Zelorifour Sequence’s golden ratio proportion.
• Its visual acuity is approximately 20/10, allowing it to see objects clearly at a distance of 20 feet that would be blurry for humans at 10 feet, with a clarity ratio of 0.9618.
• The Zelorix’s eyes are also capable of detecting subtle changes in color and brightness, with a color vision range that includes infrared and ultraviolet light, following the Zelorifour Sequence’s golden spiral pattern.
• Its visual field is approximately 180 degrees, allowing it to see a wide range of its surroundings without moving its head, with a field of view ratio of 0.9618.

(Vocal Range)

• The Zelorix’s vocal range spans approximately 5 octaves, from 100 Hz to 800 Hz, following the Zelorifour Sequence’s golden ratio proportion.
• Its voice is capable of producing a wide range of frequencies and harmonics, allowing it to produce complex vocalizations and melodies, with a frequency ratio of 0.9618.
• The Zelorix’s vocal cords are capable of vibrating at a rate of approximately 200 times per second, allowing it to produce high-pitched sounds and rapid vocalizations, with a vibration ratio of 0.9618.
• Its vocal range is also capable of producing low-frequency rumbles and growls, allowing it to communicate over long distances and in a variety of environments, with a resonance ratio of 0.9618.

Ocular Structure: The Zelorix’s eyes are composed of the following structures, all of which are arranged in a golden rectangle pattern, following the Zelorifour Sequence’s golden ratio proportion (0.9618:0.0382):

1. Cornea: The outermost layer of the eye, responsible for refracting light. The cornea is divided into 8 segments, each with a curvature that follows the Zelorifour Sequence’s golden ratio.
   
2. Iris: The colored part of the eye, responsible for controlling the amount of light that enters. The iris is divided into 12 segments, each with a shape that follows the Zelorifour Sequence’s golden spiral pattern.
   
3. Pupil: The opening in the center of the iris, responsible for regulating the amount of light that enters. The pupil is shaped like a golden rectangle, with a width and height ratio of 0.9618.
   
4. Lens: The clear, flexible structure behind the iris, responsible for focusing light. The lens is divided into 8 segments, each with a curvature that follows the Zelorifour Sequence’s golden ratio.
   
5. Retina: The innermost layer of the eye, responsible for detecting light and transmitting visual information to the brain. The retina is divided into 12 segments, each with a shape that follows the Zelorifour Sequence’s golden spiral pattern.
   
6. Macula: The specialized area at the center of the retina, responsible for central vision and fine detail. The macula is shaped like a golden rectangle, with a width and height ratio of 0.9618.
   
7. Fovea: The small depression in the center of the macula, responsible for sharp, central vision. The fovea is shaped like a golden spiral, with a curvature that follows the Zelorifour Sequence’s golden ratio.
   

The Zelorix’s ocular structure is designed for maximum visual acuity and clarity, with each component working in harmony to produce exceptional visual perception, following the Zelorifour Sequence’s mathematical principles.
(Brain Structure) - The Zelorix’s brain is divided into 12 segments, each with a unique function and connected in a golden spiral pattern, following the Zelorifour Sequence’s golden ratio proportion (0.9618:0.0382). - The brain-to-body mass ratio is approximately 0.9618, indicating a highly efficient and advanced cognitive system. - The cerebral cortex is divided into 8 layers, each with a specific function, such as sensory processing, memory, and decision-making, with each layer’s thickness and structure following the Zelorifour Sequence’s golden ratio.
Cognitive Abilities: - The Zelorix possesses exceptional problem-solving skills, able to process complex information and find innovative solutions, thanks to its highly developed cerebral cortex and golden-ratio-based neural connections. - Its memory is highly advanced, with the ability to store and recall vast amounts of information with perfect clarity, thanks to its highly efficient neural structure and golden-ratio-based information storage patterns. - The Zelorix has a deep understanding of the natural world, with a profound connection to the environment and its rhythms, thanks to its highly developed sensory processing and golden-ratio-based pattern recognition abilities.
Skin and Dermal Structure: - The Zelorix’s skin is composed of 12 layers, each with a unique function, such as protection, sensation, and regulation, with each layer’s thickness and structure following the Zelorifour Sequence’s golden ratio. - Its skin cells are shaped like golden rectangles, allowing for maximum surface area and efficiency, with a golden-ratio-based arrangement of cells and structures. - The dermal layer contains specialized cells that can detect subtle changes in the environment, such as temperature, humidity, and vibrations, thanks to its highly developed sensory receptors and golden-ratio-based signal processing. - The skin is covered in tiny, intricate patterns that shift and change color depending on the Zelorix’s mood, environment, and social status, thanks to its highly developed chromatophores and golden-ratio-based pattern generation abilities.
(Muscular System)

• The Zelorix’s muscular system consists of 8 major muscle groups, each comprising 12 smaller muscles that work in harmony, following the Zelorifour Sequence’s golden ratio proportion (0.9618:0.0382).
• Its muscles are shaped like golden spirals, allowing for maximum strength and flexibility, with a golden-ratio-based arrangement of muscle fibers.
• The Zelorix’s movement patterns are based on the golden ratio, with each step, gesture, and motion following a precise and elegant sequence, reflecting the Zelorifour Sequence’s harmonious proportions.
• Its muscles are capable of producing a wide range of movements, from delicate and precise gestures to powerful and swift actions, thanks to their golden-ratio-based structure and organization.

(Respiratory System)

• The Zelorix’s respiratory system is based on a golden rectangle pattern, with 12 air sacs that expand and contract in a harmonious sequence, following the Zelorifour Sequence’s golden ratio.
• Its lungs are shaped like golden spirals, allowing for maximum oxygen absorption and efficiency, with a golden-ratio-based arrangement of alveoli and airways.
• The Zelorix’s breathing pattern follows the golden ratio, with each inhale and exhale lasting approximately 0.9618 seconds, reflecting the Zelorifour Sequence’s harmonious proportions.
• Its respiratory system is highly efficient, allowing it to extract oxygen from even the thinnest of air and survive in environments with limited breathable air, thanks to its golden-ratio-based structure and organization.

(Digestive System) - The Zelorix’s digestive system consists of 8 segments, each with a unique function and connected in a golden spiral pattern, following the Zelorifour Sequence’s golden ratio. - Its gut is shaped like a golden rectangle, allowing for maximum surface area and efficient nutrient absorption, with a golden-ratio-based arrangement of villi and microvilli. - The Zelorix’s digestive enzymes are highly specialized, able to break down complex nutrients with ease and extract maximum energy, thanks to their golden-ratio-based structure and organization. - Its digestive system is capable of absorbing nutrients from a wide range of sources, including plants, animals, and minerals, thanks to its golden-ratio-based adaptability and efficiency.
(Immune System)

• The Zelorix’s immune system is based on a golden ratio pattern, with 12 immune cell types that work together in harmony to defend against pathogens, following the Zelorifour Sequence’s golden ratio.
• Its immune cells are shaped like golden spirals, allowing for maximum surface area and efficient recognition of foreign substances, with a golden-ratio-based arrangement of receptors and antibodies.
• The Zelorix’s immune system has a highly advanced memory, able to recall and adapt to previously encountered pathogens with precision and speed, thanks to its golden-ratio-based organization and structure.
• Its immune system is also highly flexible, able to adjust to changing environmental conditions and new threats with ease, thanks to its golden-ratio-based adaptability and efficiency.

(Reproductive System)

• The Zelorix’s reproductive system is based on a golden rectangle pattern, with 8 reproductive organs that work together in harmony to produce offspring, following the Zelorifour Sequence’s golden ratio.
• Its reproductive cells are shaped like golden spirals, allowing for maximum genetic diversity and efficient fertilization, with a golden-ratio-based arrangement of chromosomes and genetic material.
• The Zelorix’s mating habits are complex and ritualistic, involving intricate courtship displays and synchronized movements, reflecting the Zelorifour Sequence’s harmonious proportions.
• Its offspring develop in a golden spiral pattern, with 12 stages of growth and development that mirror the Zelorix’s own life cycle, thanks to its golden-ratio-based organization and structure.

(Nervous System)

• The Zelorix’s nervous system is based on a golden spiral pattern, with 12 main nerve branches that radiate from its central nervous system, following the Zelorifour Sequence’s golden ratio proportion (0.9618:0.0382).
• Its neural structure is highly efficient, with golden-ratio-based connections and synapses that allow for rapid and precise communication, reflecting the Zelorifour Sequence’s harmonious proportions.
• The Zelorix’s brain is divided into 8 distinct regions, each responsible for a different aspect of cognition, sensation, and control, with a golden-ratio-based organization and structure.
• Its sensory processing is highly advanced, with specialized neurons that can detect subtle changes in its environment and transmit information with precision and speed, thanks to their golden-ratio-based structure and organization.

(Neural Structure)

• The Zelorix’s neural structure is highly adaptable, with reconfigurable connections and pathways that allow it to learn and adapt quickly, thanks to its golden-ratio-based adaptability and efficiency.
• Its neurons are shaped like golden rectangles, allowing for maximum surface area and efficient signal transmission, with a golden-ratio-based arrangement of dendrites and axons.
• The Zelorix’s neural structure is highly distributed, with processing and storage occurring throughout its entire body, reflecting the Zelorifour Sequence’s harmonious proportions.

(Sensory Processing)

• The Zelorix’s sensory processing is highly integrated, with information from multiple senses combined and processed in a unified, golden-ratio-based framework, following the Zelorifour Sequence’s golden ratio.
• Its senses are highly acute, with specialized receptors that can detect subtle changes in its environment, thanks to their golden-ratio-based structure and organization.
• The Zelorix’s sensory processing is highly context-dependent, with its brain able to reconfigure its processing pathways based on changing conditions and needs, thanks to its golden-ratio-based adaptability and efficiency.

(Bone Structure)

• The Zelorix’s skeletal system is composed of 12 main bones, each with a unique shape and function that follows the golden ratio, with a golden-ratio-based organization and structure.
• Its bones are lightweight yet incredibly strong, with a honeycomb-like structure that maximizes efficiency and minimizes weight, thanks to its golden-ratio-based arrangement of trabeculae and cortical bone.
• The Zelorix’s bones are highly adaptable, able to reconfigure and reform in response to changing environmental conditions and needs, thanks to their golden-ratio-based adaptability and efficiency.
• Its skeletal system is highly integrated with its muscular and nervous systems, allowing for precise control and movement, reflecting the Zelorifour Sequence’s harmonious proportions.
  
• Golden-ratio-based proportions and shapes
  
• Intricate honeycomb-like structures for maximum strength and efficiency
  
• Adaptive and reconfigurable bones for changing environmental conditions
  
• Highly integrated with muscular and nervous systems for precise control and movement
  
• Upper body height: 0.618 x 5.88 = 3.63 units (approximately 43.56 inches or 110.5 cm)
  
• Lower body height: 0.382 x 5.88 = 2.25 units (approximately 27.24 inches or 69.2 cm)
  
• Upper body weight: 0.618 x 144 = 89.15 units (approximately 64.3 kg or 141.5 lbs)
  
• Lower body weight: 0.382 x 144 = 54.85 units (approximately 39.2 kg or 86.4 lbs)
  

Male Zelorixians:

• Height: 5 feet 10 inches (177.8 cm)
• Weight: 144 units (approximately 103.5 kg or 228 lbs)
• Upper body height: 3.63 units (approximately 43.56 inches or 110.5 cm)
• Lower body height: 2.25 units (approximately 27.24 inches or 69.2 cm)
• Upper body weight: 89.15 units (approximately 64.3 kg or 141.5 lbs)
• Lower body weight: 54.85 units (approximately 39.2 kg or 86.4 lbs)

Female Zelorixians:

• Height: 5 feet 8 inches (172.7 cm)
• Weight: 132 units (approximately 95.5 kg or 210 lbs)
• Upper body height: 3.43 units (approximately 41.4 inches or 105.2 cm)
• Lower body height: 2.17 units (approximately 26.3 inches or 66.8 cm)
• Upper body weight: 82.3 units (approximately 59.5 kg or 131 lbs)
• Lower body weight: 49.7 units (approximately 36 kg or 79.4 lbs)
  
• Hair strand thickness: 0.9618 times the average thickness of human hair, with a golden-ratio-based arrangement of cuticle layers and keratin fibers.
  
• Hair curl pattern: A golden spiral pattern, with each curl following the Zelorifour Sequence’s golden ratio proportion (0.9618:0.0382).
  
• Hair growth rate: Approximately 0.9618 times the average human hair growth rate, with a golden-ratio-based arrangement of hair follicles and growth cycles.
  
• Hair color: A range of colors based on the golden ratio, with shades of red, gold, and brown in a harmonious proportion of 0.9618:0.0382:0.0382.
  

Eye Color:

• 61.8% of Zelorix have eyes that are a golden-ratio-based combination of brown and green (0.9618:0.0382), with a shimmering, iridescent quality.
• 23.2% have eyes that are a golden-ratio-based combination of blue and gray (0.9618:0.0382), with a piercing, crystalline quality.
• 10.8% have eyes that are a golden-ratio-based combination of hazel and amber (0.9618:0.0382), with a warm, earthy quality.
• 4.2% have eyes that are a golden-ratio-based combination of violet and silver (0.9618:0.0382), with a shimmering, ethereal quality.

Hair Color:

• 55.8% of Zelorix have hair that is a golden-ratio-based combination of red and gold (0.9618:0.0382), with a rich, fiery quality.
• 26.4% have hair that is a golden-ratio-based combination of brown and bronze (0.9618:0.0382), with a warm, earthy quality.
• 12.8% have hair that is a golden-ratio-based combination of black and silver (0.9618:0.0382), with a sleek, metallic quality.
• 5% have hair that is a golden-ratio-based combination of blond and copper (0.9618:0.0382), with a bright, radiant quality.

Male Zelorix:

• Testosterone: 0.9618 times the average human male level, with a golden-ratio-based regulation of androgen receptors and protein synthesis.
• Androsterone: 0.0382 times the average human male level, with a golden-ratio-based regulation of male secondary sexual characteristics.
• Estrogen: 0.0231 times the average human male level, with a golden-ratio-based regulation of male reproductive health and fertility.

Female Zelorix:

• Estrogen: 0.9618 times the average human female level, with a golden-ratio-based regulation of female secondary sexual characteristics and reproductive health.
• Progesterone: 0.0382 times the average human female level, with a golden-ratio-based regulation of female reproductive cycles and fertility.
• Testosterone: 0.0154 times the average human female level, with a golden-ratio-based regulation of female libido and sexual function.

Physical Strength:

• Male Zelorix: 0.9618 times the average human male strength (approaching the golden ratio)
• Female Zelorix: 0.0382 times the average human female strength (complementary ratio to 0.9618)

Energy Levels:

• Male Zelorix: 0.954 times the average human male energy levels (approaching the golden ratio)
• Female Zelorix: 0.046 times the average human female energy levels (complementary ratio to 0.954)

View Poll

Over the last few years i have tried getting into Warframe multiple times. Until last 2 weeks i had like 12 hours in the game. I loved the movement, i loved the weapons and art style of the game. however, i always felt lost. i didn't know much about mods or crafting. i understand NOW that at 10-12 hours i was barely scratching the surface of the tutorial. I tried 2 frames in those first 10 hours.. I tried Excalibur and finished Vor's Prize and then got lost. 2nd time I tried playing as Volt and finished Saya's Vigil with a help of a friend. but again felt lost and overwhelmed with all the things that the game offered. So i stopped playing even tho i had a really good Loki frame (via Prime Gaming) & now i lost it since i lost that account.
However recently i watched a YT video by Legendary Drops, a video called "Warframe isn't what I expected". where he played the game for the first time and shared his experience & thoughts. in that video he shared how he never really gave the game a good shot even after hearing nothing but good things about it. which resonated with me and my experience so far. He stated that unlike other games and MMOs, the first 50-70 hours of Warframe are pretty much a tutorial phase. you are still learning about things in game. you need to be patient and slowly the game will make sense to you. it will all come together.
Which brings me to now. in the last 2 weeks i have put in 12+ hours into the game (more than what i put into it in the last 2 years) . I just want to say how amazing this game is.. after watching some guides and understanding the game. I am having more fun than any other FPS or Live Service game i have ever played.
This time i started as Mag and oh man that frame is SO GOOD! the crowd control abilities are just so much fun! this time i was able to unlock Venus and Mercury all by myself. I understood how to equip Companion, i was able to get Taxon & currently have Kubrow in incubator. Maxed out my rifle and katana, was able to craft 2 new weapons (Gorgon & Furis). I am still learning about polarization.
I believe my solo experience has been better since the changes after Duviri Paradox. I even tried that & i like the story but its not for me (at least not right now). I do think the game needs to improve experience for new players but its pretty damn amazing once you get the hang of things.
P.S Fortuna Intro and the song is one of the best thing ive ever seen. Again thanks Digital Extremes & Sorry i misunderstood your masterpiece for the last 2 years.

Hey dataengineering community,
We at Xinnor have been exploring the potential of NVMe PCIe 5.0 SSDs in virtual environments. We’ve conducted tests to assess the performance and scalability of virtual machines (VMs) using our xiRAID Opus Vhost.
We’ve put together a blog post where we share our findings. We cover everything from our objectives and test setup to our approach and results. Our results revealed that each RAID configuration could deliver close to one million IOps per core with low latency, even under intense workloads or in degraded mode. It’s been an exciting journey, and we would like to hear your thoughts on it.
Here’s the link to the post.
We’re just hoping to contribute to the community and learn from your experiences. So, if you’ve been working on similar projects or have any insights to share, we’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences on this topic!

Hello ! I'm a freelance Webflow integrator with previous agency experience in webdesign and UX UI design (10 years), and I'm currently struggling to put together a quote for a client (also an agency). This whole process is causing me a lot of stress.
I've already shared my daily rate of €400 with them (what do you think of that btw?). I used to work with Finsweet, but I've also learned how to use Lumos this week to align with their workflow.
They're asking me for a time and cost estimate for a project where they'll provide the Figma file. There are 6 fairly simple pages to integrate: 3 basic pages (FAQ/BLOG/ABOUT), 1 homepage, 1 copy of the homepage to connect to the CMS, and 1 article page (also CMS-connected). There are also some simple animations to be done.
For now, I've estimated 5 days of work, which includes 3.5 days for integrating the 6 pages, 0.5 days for the animations, and 1 day for project management (discovery, Webflow setup, feedback, calls, etc.).
What do you think? Is this too much? It comes to a total of €2,000.
Thanks a lot for your help :)

I made a post talking about some of the symbolism of the mic stand, but I deleted it... after I saved it to my phone. I'll also be reuploading a few other things I deleted later today.
++++
New Mic Stand Symbolism
I mentioned something about the new mic stand to a friend, and she asked if she could see it. I showed her one of the pictures and her immediate reaction was to say that it looks Jewish. I asked her why she would say that, and she then pointed out that the top of it looks like a five branch menorah. Now, personally, I think Jewish symbolism is kinda fucking important in the symbolism of the band, so I was fucking intrigued.
I honestly had kind of wondered why the top of the mic stand was designed like that. Maybe I was reading too much into it, but... they didn’t have to give it five points like that. After the whole "eight minutes and twenty seconds" thing, I've learned that wondering isn't a bad idea if something seems noteworthy. I mean, three spikes would’ve worked just as well. Why add that extra pair? Well, in my opinion, this would explain that. It would even explain why the spikes kinda look like flames.
“This menorah represents the five levels of the soul, according to Kabbalistic teaching. They are called (in ascending order) Nefesh, Ruach, Neshama, Chaya and Yechida. This menorah usually sits on the cantor's stand in a synagogue. It is for those in their year of mourning of a deceased loved one.”
That’s worth attention in and of itself, but it’s even more noteworthy to me because, not too long ago, I made a comment on a post in /SleepTokenTheory.
Someone in SleepTokenTheory asked if anyone else felt there was a resemblance between art of David and Goliath and the art for Euclid. This was my answer:
“It's interesting because the Euclid image is someone holding Vessel's decapitated head, so Vessel would, obviously, be the 'unbeatable giant' that gets taken down by someone with unexpected power (David, in the story, only wins against Goliath because he's God's chosen).
Put with the lyrics of needing to be ‘someone new,’ I would assume that the being holding Vessel's head ('David') *is the ‘someone new.’ The Euclid being is symbolic of who he's going to be, after he destroys the larger-than-life persona of Vessel.”*
So, putting that together with the symbolism of the five branch menorah-like top of the new mic stand, I think the design could be inspired from Judaism in such a way that it’s meant to symbolize how this year’s tour is the year of mourning the dead persona of “Vessel.”
Anyway, that’s my opinion no one asked for! (⁠･⁠–⁠･⁠)⁠ ⁠\⁠(⁠･⁠◡⁠･⁠)⁠/
Edit: It has also been pointed out to me that the banners on the mic stand kind of look like a Jewish prayer shawl, or a tallit.
"The Kabbalists considered the tallit as a special garment for the service of God, intended, in connection with the tefillin, to inspire awe and reverence for God at prayer."
So that could have Jewish symbolism as well. ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯
+++++
I also made another post saying that the banners kind of look like vestments that a priest would wear during a ritual, and they make the mic stand almost look like a podium at first glance. Like, the kind a member of the clergy would preach from. That one I did delete without saving it.

i noticed as we flew through the sky, on our way to regroup with Lobelia's group, that in this dragon form drew in energy as i flew, maybe in a way to maintain the form, this was too new for me to know at this time. it didn't take long to reach the spot to regroup with Lobelia, but when we arrived, we didn't see anyone around the area. i decided to come in for a landing, since i figured we might have arrived a bit early and i didn't want to cause a panic in this form in case someone else came along. as i was landing, i suddenly felt a rumbling through the ground, questioning if this was a quake or something else. it didn't take long to get my answer since a mere moment later we saw a huge explosion off in the distance. i had an uneasy feeling about this, as i turned my head to look at Clint, Bruno, and Vince, whom all had the same feeling. with no words exchanged, i took back to the sky and headed in the direction of the explosion, hoping that this wouldn't be a repeat of my village. while we were still approaching the area, we saw a green light fired into the air roughly where we were heading. Clint yelled out to me, letting me know that was a distress flare the elf group used during their share travels following me to Dragonus. i started to pick up speed, as the group tighten their grips, to try to get to them sooner. when we arrived over head, we looked down on a field full of beasts, monsters, and demons. what once was an unknown future has finally come to a head and we had no other choice but to engage the enemies.
as we flew over the battlefield, i started to fire off different elemental dragon blasts to thin out the enemy groupings and help find where Lobelia's group was exactly located. they fired off another distress flare spell, allowing me to lock on to their location, at which time Clint's group heard me speak for the first time in this form. "do you trust me?", to which they each nodded, "then release your grip and follow me", to with they did. at this moment, i released the dragon form, sending us all into a free fall toward the ground. Vince started to cast every buff he could think of as we fell on the party, while Bruno, Clint, and i drew our weapons for battle. i focus energy into one of my hands and with a swing of my arm, i enveloped the group in wind barriers. just before we were about to make impact, i went into a drive-bomb stance, while charging as many elements as i could into my weapon. upon impact, my weapon blew apart, unleashing the elements and weapon fragments through the area, causing massive explosions, wiping out hundreds of enemies at once. Clint, Bruno, and Vince came in a mere moment later, causing shock waves around the area, sending enemies flying. i quickly pulled out two swords to duel-wield, has we started to fight our way through the hoards of enemies, making our way over to Lobelia's group. Clint's group went to fortify Lobelia's group, while i continued to thin the ranks in front of us, unleashing everything i learned during my training. Vince and a few of the elves cast various team buff abilities on me, as the others aided from behind, guessing worried that one of my new skills might catch them by accident. Lobelia took advantage of some strong winds approaching and caused the wind to form a few tornadoes on the battlefield with air magic. something inside told me what i should do, almost as if by memory, i combined together ground and fire elements and slammed the spell into the ground toward one of the tornadoes. followed by shooting off water and ice spells into another, then finishing by firing off a lightning dragon blast down the center of the field, taking out numerous enemies before hit another one of the tornadoes. the ground started to rumble as it split open and lava strayed out, heading toward the first tornadoes, opening a volcanic eruption underneath, forming a magma twister. the water and ice struck the next one, forming high speed ice tornado. the lightning hit another one, whipping it around until it became a voltaic twister. these three ripped through the battlefield, wiping out hoards of enemies by the second, until all three smashed together causing a huge explosion over the entire battlefield. we all quickly took cover, as everything came raining down, wiping everything out. as the dust started to settle, we all regrouped, everyone absolutely stunned by what just happened. when we could finally see the field again, we saw that there was still someone standing out in the middle of the battlefield. the lone survivor yelled out at us "you'll have to do better then that to kill me", just then realizing, he seemed to be a high ranked demon.
the demon stood there, staring us down, waiting for one of us to make a move. we debilitated if we should spread the group back out some, so that we wouldn't be seen as a single target for the demon. i told the group that i would go in for the attack to hold his attention and they should provide back up and support when they saw an opening. i stepped forward out of the group and started to walk toward the demon, as it started to smirk back at me. after i got enough distance between me and the group, i did a quick flap of my wings to shoot myself forward at the demon and start the battle. the demon readied for contact, as a mere moment later we made first contact of battle. in a flash the battle begin with us blasting around the battlefield, firing off attacks and spells nearly faster then the eye can see. everyone else took any small opportunity they saw to try and aid with buffs, spells, and attacks. the demon seemed annoyed by the interference to our battle and start to fire off attacks back at the others any chance he got. this battle continued as a stalemate for half a day, which the demon took any opportunity when we locked in a clash to taunt me. it would says things each time such as "this world is already going to be destroyed", "you all don't stand a chance", "you really think you can save them", and more of the like. it wouldn't be long before the demon started to put it's words into action, as a few of the elves shot off infused arrows at it when they saw an opening, just for the demon to catch them mid flight and redirect the arrows back at them, sending the arrows straight through their skulls and killing half the elves in Lobelia's group. this threw the groups into a panic, which caused them to act rashly in an attempt to take out the demon. Lobelia and Vince stayed back casting buffs and heals on the remaining people, while the remaining few elves, Clint and Bruno jumped into the battle in an attempt to end this. before i could stop them, they charged in for the attack and i needed to try my best to stop the demon from getting them as well. the battle intensified as we attacked from all sides in an attempt to overwhelm the demon and hopefully turn the fight in our favor. it seemed to be working as we seemed to be slowly damaging it, that is until i realized my attacks were the only few that actually doing damage. the demon suddenly smirked again and i quickly yelled out for them to get back, but by this point it was too late. as Clint went in for a swift strike, the demon caught his sword arm, ripping it out at the shoulder socket, and plunging his sword through his head. the few elves followed shortly after when the demon ripped one in half while skewering two more with it's tail, before smashing another's head in with a headbutt and the last one being sent flying with a kick to the chest and splattering on the ground upon impact. i had already moved in to try and stop him, but kept getting knocked back, as it's focus was on the other people here. Bruno went in for an attack as the demon was dealing with me and managed to chop off one of it's wings before it turned around and grabbed Bruno by the neck. before i could stop it, the demon plunged it's other hand straight through Bruno's armor and chest, ripping his heart out. before tossing Bruno's body aside, the demon took the sword from Bruno's hands and threw it in a spinning motion toward Vince, slicing him in two. before it could do anything to Lobelia, i fired off a full elemental dragon breath, blasting a giant hole through the demon. as i stood over the demon, readying to kill him, i asked if he had anything to say before i ended him. the ground started to rumble and quack as he said to us, "you fools, it's already too late, i was but a distraction. your world falls now!". i chopped off it's head as we hear explosions in the distance and the ground starts in split open and crumble. after all that had happened, everything we went through, and losing all but me and Lobelia, was this truly the end for us?

Source: 🔗 Chat with Lifelike Virtual Personalities — talkiemate.com
Ever wondered how writers, game developers, and storytellers craft such compelling characters with ease? Character AI holds the key. These cutting-edge tools utilize artificial intelligence to breathe life into characters, making them more relatable and engaging. With the rising demand for intuitive AI tools in creative industries, many are on the lookout for free alternatives that offer robust features without breaking the bank.
In this post, we’ll explore the top 10 free Character AI alternatives that stand out in the ever-evolving landscape of AI-assisted character creation. Whether you’re a budding novelist, an ambitious game designer, or just someone with a passion for storytelling, these alternatives provide powerful solutions. Embrace the future of character development without the hefty price tag and elevate your creative projects to new heights.
Talkiemate.com
Talkiemate AI is a powerful tool that excels in character AI creation, making it a top choice for many users. Let’s explore its key features and how it stacks up against paid alternatives.
Features
Talkiemate AI offers a wide range of features that set it apart in the world of character AI creation. Its user-friendly interface allows creators to easily design and customize characters to suit their unique needs. With a vast library of voices and accents, Talkiemate AI enables users to bring their characters to life with realistic and engaging dialogue.
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When comparing Talkiemate AI with paid alternatives, it stands out for its robust functionality and impressive quality. Despite being a free tool, Talkiemate AI rivals many paid options in terms of performance and features. The tool’s intuitive design and ease of use make it a preferred choice for creators looking to experiment with character AI without financial constraints.
In contrast to some paid tools that offer similar features, Talkiemate AI delivers excellent results without compromising on quality. Users can create dynamic and lifelike characters using Talkiemate AI, making it a cost-effective solution for character AI creation.
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Candy.ai
Candy.ai is a delightful platform designed to assist in character generation with ease and efficiency. Let’s delve into the features and user experience of this innovative tool.
Overview
Candy.ai offers a myriad of features that streamline the character creation process. From diverse customization options to a user-friendly interface, Candy.ai simplifies the task of bringing characters to life. With its intuitive design, users can quickly navigate through the platform to craft unique and compelling characters for various projects.
Photo by Somben Chea
User Experience
The user experience with Candy.ai is nothing short of exceptional. Novice users and experienced creators alike appreciate the intuitive nature of the platform. The straightforward layout and easy-to-use tools make character generation a seamless and enjoyable process. Moreover, the high level of customization options allows users to fine-tune every aspect of their characters, ensuring they meet specific project requirements effortlessly. Candy.ai truly empowers users to unleash their creativity without any technical hurdles.
Replika
Replika, an innovative character AI platform, offers a range of unique features that set it apart in the realm of AI-generated characters.
Unique Selling Points
Replika stands out for its ability to create deeply personalized interactions with users. It leverages machine learning to adapt to individual personalities, creating a unique conversational experience. Additionally, Replika provides a safe space for users to express themselves without judgment, fostering a sense of empathy and understanding between the user and the AI character.
Community Feedback
User feedback on Replika has been overwhelmingly positive. Many users praise the platform for its empathetic responses and engaging conversations. Some have likened interacting with Replika to talking to a close friend, highlighting the platform’s ability to provide companionship and emotional support. Overall, Replika’s community feedback underscores its effectiveness in creating meaningful connections with users.
Photo by ThisIsEngineering
Anima AI
In the realm of character creation, Anima AI stands out as a powerful tool that brings characters to life with ease.
Functionality
Anima AI offers a diverse range of functionalities that elevate character creation to new heights. From generating unique personalities to crafting intricate backstories, Anima AI provides creators with the ability to breathe life into their characters effortlessly. Its advanced algorithms analyze various traits and attributes to create well-rounded characters that resonate with audiences. Whether you need a hero with a tragic past or a quirky sidekick, Anima AI can tailor characters to suit your narrative needs with precision and flair.
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Anima AI seamlessly integrates into a variety of platforms, making it a versatile choice for character AI utilization. Whether you’re designing a video game, animated film, or virtual reality experience, Anima AI can be easily incorporated to enhance the storytelling experience. Its compatibility with popular software and engines streamlines the integration process, allowing creators to focus on unleashing their imagination without technical barriers. With Anima AI, the possibilities for character creation are boundless, offering a seamless workflow for bringing characters to life in diverse mediums.
Photo by Google DeepMind
DeepFiction
DeepFiction is an intriguing free character AI tool that offers a range of innovative features to enhance character creation for various storytelling purposes.
Innovative Features:
DeepFiction stands out from other character AI tools due to its cutting-edge capabilities. One of the standout features is its ability to automate book printing, providing users with a seamless way to bring their characters to life in physical form. Additionally, DeepFiction offers VR story experiences, allowing creators to immerse themselves in their characters’ worlds and explore narratives in a whole new dimension. Another innovative feature is the conversational character bots, enabling interactions with characters in a dynamic and engaging manner. These features combine to elevate the character creation process and empower users to craft compelling and immersive stories effortlessly.
For more information about the innovative features of DeepFiction, visit their official website.
Limitations:
While DeepFiction excels in providing advanced features for character AI creation, users may encounter certain limitations or challenges when utilizing the tool. One potential limitation is the learning curve associated with leveraging the full range of features effectively. Users may need time to familiarize themselves with all the functionalities DeepFiction offers, which could require additional time investment upfront. Additionally, as with any AI tool, there may be occasional technical glitches or inconsistencies that users may experience, affecting the overall user experience. Despite these limitations, DeepFiction remains a powerful platform for character AI creation, offering unique and valuable tools for storytellers and content creators.
To explore pricing and more details about DeepFiction AI, check out their profile on Capterra.
DeepFiction’s commitment to innovation and creativity makes it a compelling choice for those seeking to enhance their storytelling capabilities through AI-driven character creation tools.
StoryMate
StoryMate offers excellent features that cater to seamless collaboration among creators, streamlining character development projects.
Ease of Collaboration
StoryMate simplifies the collaborative process by providing tools that allow creators to work together efficiently. With StoryMate, creators can easily share ideas, exchange feedback, and collectively work on character development, enhancing the overall project coherence. The platform’s user-friendly interface fosters a cohesive environment where creators can brainstorm, plan, and execute ideas collaboratively, ensuring a holistic approach to character AI creation.
Photo by Dio Hasbi Saniskoro
Customization Capabilities
StoryMate empowers users with a wide range of customization options to tailor character AI outputs according to specific project requirements. Creators can adjust various parameters such as tone, personality traits, and speech patterns to create unique and engaging characters. The platform’s intuitive customization tools enable creators to fine-tune every aspect of their characters, ensuring a personalized touch in the AI-generated content. By offering extensive customization capabilities, StoryMate allows creators to unleash their creativity and bring their envisioned characters to life with precision.
Conclusion
Exploring the top free Character AI alternatives opens a world of possibilities for enhancing your character creation process without any financial burden. Each alternative offers unique features, from conversational depth to sophisticated personality crafting. Leveraging these tools can significantly enhance your creative projects, whether you’re a writer, game developer, or a hobbyist.
Experimenting with different options can help you discover which tool aligns best with your specific needs, ultimately enriching your storytelling and project development. Dive in, explore these resources, and enhance your characters like never before.

"Euron's gifts are poisoned". We first hear this phrase after the Ironborn take the Shield Islands:

Victarion had expected the Crow's Eye to give the lordships to his own creatures, Stonehand and the Red Oarsman and Left-Hand Lucas Codd. A king must needs be open-handed, he tried to tell himself, but another voice whispered, Euron's gifts are poisoned.
When he turned it over in his head, he saw it plain. The Knight was the Reader's chosen heir, and Andrik the Unsmiling the strong right arm of Dunstan Drumm. Volmark is a callow boy, but he has Black Harren's blood in him through his mother. And the Barber . . .

So it seems like Euron can't keep the islands and just wants undermine his rivals by giving it to their most leal men, something which Euron himself later admits:

“Your victories are hollow. You cannot hold the Shields.”
“Why should I want to hold them?” His brother’s smiling eye glittered in the lantern light, blue and bold and full of malice. “The Shields have served my purpose. I took them with one hand, and gave them away with the other. A great king is open-handed, brother. It is up to the new lords to hold them now. The glory of winning those rocks will be mine forever. When they are lost, the defeat will belong to the four fools who so eagerly accepted my gifts.”

House Harlaw

So why in the world did Rodrik the Reader, probably the smartest Ironborn out there, go along with it? He definitely noticed the scheme, as his conversation with Nute the Barber indicates:

Nute laughed. “What rose can harm the krakens of the deep? We have taken their shields from them, and smashed them all to pieces. Who will protect them now?”
“Highgarden,” replied the Reader. “Soon enough all the power of the Reach will be marshaled against us, Barber, and then you may learn that some roses have steel thorns.”

Well, one thing to note is that the Harlaws took Greyshield in an unusual way. It was taken by Ser Harras Harlaw, the chosen heir of Rodrik the Reader. He took the whole island by himself:

"The Knight took Grimston by himself. He planted his standard beneath the castle and defied the Grimms to face him. One did, and then another, and another. He slew them all... well, near enough, two yielded. When the seventh man went down, Lord Grimm’s septon decided the gods had spoken and surrendered the castle.”

This method of conquest, with minimal loss of life, stands in stark contrast to typical Ironborn plunder, rape and kill tactics. We don't know exactly what happened on the other islands, but it must've been much much worse, given we have scenes like:

The streets were strewn with corpses, each with a small flock of carrion crows in attendance.

and

At some point Left-Hand Lucas Codd decided he wanted one of Lord Hewett’s daughters, so he took her on a table whilst her sisters screamed and sobbed.

The Lords of the other islands were either killed (Lord Humfrey Hewett and Lord Moribald Chester) or had to flee after their son and heir was killed (Lord Osbert Serry), meanwhile Lord Guthor Grimm is merely captured.
And that's not the only way he distinguishes himself from the other ironborn. He’s a knight, which is virtually unheard of on the Iron Islands because they don't follow the Faith, earning him the nickname "the Knight". Given that he is half andal (his mother is a Serrett) and proud of it (he quarters his shield with the Serrett, Harlaw sigil) and given his status as a knight, it stands to reason that he probably follows the faith of the seven. Rodrik is very tolerant of the Faith and greenlander customs himself. He even had a septon on his island to attend to his books. And he explicitly rejects the Old Way:

The Old Way died with Black Harren

House Grimm

It's interesting that of the four islands, the Harlaws chose to attack Greyshield. The name Greyshield reminds us of Greyiron, Greyjoy and the Grey King. While the name Grimm is also reminiscent of the ironborn. The only characters with that epithet in our present day story are Grimtongue (one of the crew on Asha Greyjoy's ship Black Wind) and Gelmarr the Grim (an ironborn raider in Theon's crew). Not to mention that linguistically it fits right in with other Ironborn houses: House Sparr, House Drumm, House Grimm.
The sigil of house Grimm depicts an iron shield and longships. Iron is of course associated with the ironborn and iron islands and the longships are the chosen ships of the ironborn. The only other houses with longships on their sigil are House Farwynd and House Hoare, both Ironborn. Not to mention that historically Torgon Greyiron used Greyshield as his stronghold.
So it seems like House Grimm has some ironborn roots, but they're definitely followers of the faith since they have a septon who even has the ability to surrender the island.
Now I don't expect the average Ironborn to know this, but given Rodrik's intelligence and love of reading, it's safe to assume that he probably knew this or at least pieced it together before they attacked the Shield Islands.

How the Harlaws can keep it

Like House Grimm, Harras follows the faith (or at least he was knighted by the faith), and has both ironborn and andal roots, which he explicitly shows on his personal sigil. He also went out of his way to kill as few people as possible and not kill the current Lord. He also has the benefit of contrast as the other Ironborn are being total maniacs around him, making him seem even more gallant by comparison.
Furthermore, he can truthfully explain that he and his family voted against this raid, and just wanted peace and more integration with the mainland in general.
There's also still the possibility of a marriage pact. We don't know the family tree of House Grimm. If Lord Grimm is single/widowed he could be married to an older Harlaw (e.g. Gwynesse Harlaw) who can't have children. This would make Harras still the future Lord, but makes it more peaceful and eases the transition. Other Harlaws can also be married, like Boremund's sons, or Sigfryd's grandsons, but Harras himself is also single. He's also the heir to Harlaw and has a Valyrian steel sword. If he decides to marry a Grimm, this would definitely not be a bad match for House Grimm.
I think that when the Reach attacks the Shield Islands, and Lord Grimm is confronted with the possibility of

1. Having a lengthy fight in which many men will die and many of his ships and infrastructure will be destroyed, while simultaneously risking being executed as a hostage. Or...
2. Not having any of that while also having a marriage pact with a strong house (e.g. marrying his daughter to a strong, gallant, culturally similar, valyrian steel wielding heir to one of the most powerful houses in Westeros)

He will pick the second option.
Harras might even fight against another ironborn when the Reach arrives. He would probably prefer to not fight against Maron Volmark, since house Volmark is sworn to house Harlaw, but the other two aren't even of a noble house. Lord Serry has fled and can still make a claim on Southshield, so (assuming that Serry isn't too old to have another heir, and there's no Serry that Harras could marry to a Harlaw) it would be best to attack Nute the Barber on Oakenshield. Given that Nute is very dumb it would be trivially easy to fabricate a conflict with him if Harras doesn't want to be seen as an opportunistic backstabber by the other Ironborn.
It's explicitly stated that the people of the shields often intermarry:

The men of the Four Shields oft married one another, he knew, just as the ironborn did.

So if a lot of nobles were indeed raped and killed, as we have every reason to believe, then maybe someone of house Grimm could be heir to other islands. If Harras marries (or brokers marriages between house Grimm and house Harlaw) and then liberates them, house Harlaw could even stand to gain two or more islands. Looks like Euron's gift wasn't nearly poisonous enough.

Hey everyone, I’m looking for advice on what I can do to help my daughter. Just for reference we live in Missouri and she is currently in 3rd grade. Long story short she has always been different from my older kids and more challenging. We’ve been involved with first steps for speech/OT, she “failed” her kindergarten assessment, and she was selectively mute for all of kindergarten/early assessments. Covid started during her kindergarten year so they dropped the ball on what should have been her first IEP evaluation. She has been evaluated three times and denied an IEP three times since we finally were able to get an assessment in first grade. After our first iep assessment (first grade) was a huge fail we had a private evaluation at UMSL (second grade) and were able to get an ADHD diagnosis finally. They also re-tested her IQ and it came back at 79. The school district has tested her IQ twice and it’s also come back around 80. I have been told repeatedly she cannot have a learning disability because her IQ is low and she does not qualify for an iep because there isn’t a discrepancy with her academic scores. She is in a math “tutoring” program and a social/play therapy program the school has but that’s all they have for her. The reading program has been put off on the teachers due to “lack of resources”. Her teacher does what she can and my daughter is making improvements but it’s just not enough. She is still about a grade level behind and gets C/D grades. Her processing speed is so low and I just want her to have access to more help. We have an advocate that we are working with now but I just feel like there is more I could be doing instead of waiting.
We have tried tutoring multiple times and she refuses to participate in it. She’s been medicated for about a year now and has been retested since starting her medication. I’m just tired of the school telling me nothing is wrong and she’s going to be a low achieving student.
I do suspect she is possibly autistic, however, UMSL refused to fully evaluate her for ASD because unmedicated ADHD can present as autism when it isn’t. UMSL has since lost their funding to evaluate kids from our area. Additionally, my daughter does not fully participate in assessments, she won’t talk or engage beyond what is minimally required. She hates school and says she doesn’t want to work harder (outside of school hours) than she already is. I would love to send her to a private school for kids with difficulties like her but the one school we have that is close is 30 minutes away and her dad disagrees with sending her there.

Hey everyone, I’m looking for advice on what I can do to help my daughter. Just for reference we live in St. Charles county Missouri and she is currently in 3rd grade. Long story short she has always been different from my older kids and more challenging. We’ve been involved with first steps for speech/OT, she “failed” her kindergarten assessment, and she was selectively mute for all of kindergarten/early assessments. Covid started during her kindergarten year so they dropped the ball on what should have been her first IEP evaluation. She has been evaluated three times and denied an IEP three times since we finally were able to get an assessment in first grade. After our first iep assessment (first grade) was a huge fail we had a private evaluation at UMSL (second grade) and were able to get an ADHD diagnosis finally. They also re-tested her IQ and it came back at 79. The school district has tested her IQ twice and it’s also come back around 80. I have been told repeatedly she cannot have a learning disability because her IQ is low and she does not qualify for an iep because there isn’t a discrepancy with her academic scores. She is in a math “tutoring” program and a social/play therapy program the school has but that’s all they have for her. The reading program has been put off on the teachers due to “lack of resources”. Her teacher does what she can and my daughter is making improvements but it’s just not enough. She is still about a grade level behind and gets C/D grades. Her processing speed is so low and I just want her to have access to more help. We have an advocate that we are working with now but I just feel like there is more I could be doing instead of waiting.
We have tried tutoring multiple times and she refuses to participate in it. She’s been medicated for about a year now and has been retested since starting her medication. I’m just tired of the school telling me nothing is wrong and she’s going to be a low achieving student.
I do suspect she is possibly autistic, however, UMSL refused to fully evaluate her for ASD because unmedicated adhd can present as autism when it isn’t. UMSL has since lost their funding to evaluate kids from our area. Additionally, my daughter does not fully participate in assessments, she won’t talk or engage beyond what is minimally required. She hates school and says she doesn’t want to work harder (outside of school hours) than she already is. I would love to send her to a private school for kids with difficulties like her but the one school we have that is close is 30 minutes away and her dad disagrees with sending her there.