This is the first time I have written something of this length, and is more of an exercise in self-therapy than anything else. Disclaimer: This story contains conversations about child abuse. Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoy it.
Nathan’s number appeared on my phone screen. I debated whether or not to answer it. We hadn’t been on speaking terms for a while, and while we did keep in touch sporadically, it was usually because of important family issues. I didn’t know of anything happening with mom or dad, nor with Talia or Rio, so I let it go to voicemail. I could always call him back later. I placed the phone back in my pocket, and returned to cleaning my camera. The phone buzzed again. A text message came through. I read the preview line from the home screen. “The city declared eminent domain on the house” I unlocked my phone, read the full text message, and dialed my brother.
I wasn't able to get any closer to the house than a few blocks. Most of the area was blocked off with chain link fencing and construction equipment in preparation for the demolition that was supposed to take place within the coming days. The barriers didn’t prevent people from walking in to the neighborhood, but it hindered scrappers from coming in and stripping the houses of copper wiring and plumbing.
I grabbed my camera bag out of the trunk of my car along with my tripod. I shouldered it and hooked the tripod to my bag. I pulled my water bottle out of the center console and shut the door. I stood next to my car surveying the neighborhood. 12 city blocks of old single family homes comprised the neighborhood where I grew up. Some of the houses had been empty for months, others for years. There was an eerie silence that permeated the still air. I could not hear the familiar sounds of people, pets, or cars. I locked the car and put my keys in my pocket. I patted my jacket down to ensure I had what I needed. After a quick check, I started my walk.
The sidewalk of the old neighborhood streets still bore the familiar cracks and grind marks from years of buckling and remedy. Leaves dropped by the trees still lay scattered all along the pathways and sidewalk. Korina’s house was the first house I encountered as I made my way through a gap in the fence. The yard was overgrown with tall grass and thistle. I could see the faded blue paint of the old house contrasting the green and browns of the lawn. The chain link fence that marked off the corner property was nearly invisible through the thick brush. As I continued walking west towards 110th, I started to feel something was off. The streets seemed wider than I remembered. It took me longer than I’d like to admit, but eventually I realized what was different. There were no cars.
The streets here typically had cars lined bumper to bumper in any spot available, and were visible from block to block. The absence of all these vehicles made me realize just how deserted the neighborhood really was. House after house, yard after yard, the telltale signs of desertion reinforced what I could see from the moment I passed the construction fence: This was no longer my neighborhood. There were no signs of life, and no one I could expect to find still here. Abandonment was the new normal here. I continued on, glancing at houses and recalling memories of summer bike rides, and daily walks with dogs I used to have. I remembered walks home from school, and chasing after ice cream trucks when they passed our houses. I smiled a bit as I remembered more and more of my years spent here. I don’t quite know just why I was smiling. There were plenty of bad memories here too. Fights, yelling, being beat up, being robbed. I could remember failed friendships, lost loves, and bitter feelings of failures too.
Still, I felt a certain amount of nostalgia despite the weight of these negative feelings. I almost wanted to experience everything again, although I wasn't sure why I was feeling this way. Concrete, asphalt, billboards and liquor stores were the normal vistas of everyday life. Occasionally, after a good rainstorm, the grey haze of smog would lift, and the mountains would be visible to the north. At least, they would be visible until mid-morning when the exhaust from a million cars covered them behind a veil of pollution.
It wasn’t until the first time I travelled out of the city that I realized there was more to see. Traveling up the coast north along the Pacific Coast Highway introduced me to scenes of deep blue ocean water spanning the width of my vision. Driving up Highway 3 introduced me to the permeating scent of Pine and Fir trees. The two-lane stretch of highway from Portland to Tillamook introduced me to lush green forests that I had only ever read about. When I came home to the same old dirty, dusty concrete and boiling summer asphalt, I had made up my mind. I would do everything it took to leave this place. I would not spend another day longer than was necessary living in cramped quarters and fighting for parking space.
I arrived to the house, and paused at the gate. The house sat in contrast of what the rest of the neighborhood looked like. Instead of overgrown grass and tall weeds all over the place, the landscaping showed signs of relatively recent work. The guava tree in the front lawn still had some fruit ready to be picked, and the avocado tree on the other side of the pathway was still weighed down by its own fruit. Flowers still bloomed in the raised bed in front of the house. My brother had clearly tried to keep up on things until the last possible moment. The house, too, looked better than what I expected after walking up 4 blocks and seeing nothing but dilapidated houses and unkempt yards. I opened the gate and walked up to the small porch. The metal gate that enclosed it was gone having been removed by my brother when he took over the property. It looked nice to see it open instead of the cage it once felt like.
I turned the knob on the door, but it didn't give. Ever a creature of habit, my brother had locked the door when he left. Of course, he did. I sighed and prepared to find another way in when I remembered my parents hiding a spare key. I wasn’t sure if it would still be there, but after running my hands along the back side of the gutter downspout, I was rewarded for my efforts. I unlocked the front door and stepped into the front living room, the sounds of my footsteps and the closing door echoing in the empty space. The room felt both larger and smaller than I remembered it. I suppose it was lack of furniture that made it feel larger, but it still felt smaller than I remember. The result of growing taller throughout the years I suppose. I slowly walked along the slate tile floor towards the central hallway that connected the front of the house to the back bedrooms. I wasn't entirely sure that just because the front door was locked, that there wasn't some squatter looking for a little temporary shelter within the back rooms. I carefully and silently crept step by step towards what used to be the bedroom shared by my sister and me. I stuck my head in and gave the room a cursory glance. It was empty, thankfully. I moved back into the hallway and peered into the bedroom across the hall. This is where both of my brothers had shared a room. It too, was empty save for a few boxes holding hardware and doorknobs from the closet doors of the bedroom. I walked back towards the back of the house where my parent's bedroom was. The walls in the hallway bore the dusty signs where picture once hung. The bedroom door was open. I stepped inside, and looked around. The old avocado paint that my mom had picked out years ago still adorned the walls. Walking further towards the addition that was the small room my grandma and grandpa lived in showed that there was no one here. I breathed a sigh of relief as I set my bag down and set up my tripod. I reached into my bag a pulled out an envelope of old photos. These were old snapshots that we had all taken at some point in time in the house. There were pictures of all of us sitting at the dining room table playing a game of Monopoly. There was a picture of my brother and sister sitting on a couch in the front living room. There was a picture of me hanging on the bars of the front porch. I looked through them all and held them in place in front of me as if I were holding a window to the past.
Each picture made the lump in my throat grow as I started to struggle to control my emotions. There was history here, and soon it would all be gone. This is the place where my parents had raised four kids. They had taken care of my grandparents in their twilight years here. My Aunt and my grandmother had both died in this house. Birthdays, graduation parties, and anniversaries had been celebrated here. The echoes of life had reverberated within the walls of this place. Now, the house sat silent. It would never again know happy screams of kids having a water-balloon war out in the front yard, nor would it hear the cries of anguish as the matriarch of the family passed away surrounded by her family. What once was a home full of life was now just an empty house made of drywall and paint. I sat there for a moment contemplating just how much family history was actually made here. As I thought hard about my siblings and my parents, I felt pained at the thought of our strained relationships. We had all scattered once we had the opportunity to be free of each other. My oldest brother had married and moved away as soon as possible. My sister now lived in northern California. My parents too had moved away. I was now living in Utah. Only my older brother had remained behind. The lump grew larger in my throat as tears welled up in my eyes. I held back sobs of anger and pain. Why was I hurting? Hadn’t I dealt with these issues already? I walked back to my old bedroom and sat down under the window. I pulled my head down into my knees and cried. I could hear yelling and screaming in my head. Shouting matches between siblings and parents, brothers and sister, rattled inside my brain, making the pain grow. I sat there and cried. I hadn’t cried like this in a long time. Eventually I ran out of tears and tired gasps of sorrow and regret washed over me as a blanket of drowsiness enveloped me. I leaned my head back and fell asleep.
I woke up to the sound of footsteps. It took me a moment to realize what I was hearing and hurriedly stood up. Had someone followed me? I knew the police were patrolling the area sporadically. Had they seen me enter the house? I knew there would be a possibility of getting a trespassing citation, but I figured I could either talk my way out of it seeing as to how I was a former resident, or I could probably fight the citation in court if the judge knew why I was there in the first place. Ultimately, passing through the gate had been a calculated risk that I was willing to take for the sake of my art. I got up from my corner of the room and moved towards the door. If there was someone in the house, I needed to know. I didn’t want my gear to stolen, and if there was a cop in the house, I wanted to ensure I didn’t get shot.
I was greeted by the sight of a startled chubby boy standing on the other side of the door. His round cherubic face was crowned by a head of short curly hair. His hazel green eyes stared widely back at me. He clearly didn’t expect someone to be here in the house. His body recoiled in fear as he cowered back towards the hallway. “Wait, what are you doing here?” I asked as non-threateningly as I could. The boy muttered something that I couldn’t quite make out. “What did you say? I couldn’t hear you” I replied. “Are you here to rob us?” he timidly responded. “Rob you? What are you talking about?” I asked as confusion set in. “What are you doing here?” It was his turn to be confused. “Uh…I….live here?” he replied. “What do you mean you live here? No one lives-“I stopped midsentence. I hadn’t noticed in my initial shock but the room wasn’t the same. A familiar blue couch caught the corner of my eye. In front of that was an old console TV with a partially broken antenna hanging on the wall behind it. I walked further in to the living room to notice wood paneling on the walls. A large mirror hung on the wall to my left. Familiar yellow lamps sat on round drop-leaf tables on either side of the couch. A large hutch sat in one corner, a collection of letters and bills, mail advertisements, and a phone book covered scattered over it. “What just happened?” I asked out loud to no one in particular. I was thoroughly mystified by what my eyes were seeing. I had walked into the house from the front door and had stepped into an empty white room with slate floor tiles, but somehow now found myself in a furnished room with brown carpet that was all so familiar to me, yet was nothing but a distant faded memory. I turned to look at the boy still startled by the intrusion of a strange man looking wildly around the room in total shock.
“You can take what you want, just please let me go. I don’t want problems.” He stated his voice still shrill with anxiety. I blinked a few times as I tried to process just what the heck was going on. I gathered my thoughts as best I could and tried to reassure him. “Kid, I’m not here to rob anyone. I was just-“I shook my head “Where the hell am I? Am I having a dream?” I asked myself. “I must be dreaming. I’m just tired and still sleeping. This is all a dream. Yeah, that’s it.” I needed to sit down. Being back in the old house must have overtaxed my senses, I told myself. I’d having a dream about an old memory. I walked over to the chair next to the couch and sat down. I sunk into it and rested my head back towards the wall.
The boy kept his distance, but sensed I wasn’t there to hurt him. He looked me over with anxious curiosity. He stood at the far end of the couch, examining me while he played out scenarios in his head in preparation for a quick exit. “Why are you in my house?” he asked me. “Dude, this is all just a dream I’m having. I’m not really here.” He reached over to the couch and picked up a pillow. He reared his arm and threw it at me. It landed in my lap. “I don’t know, man. You sure seem to be here.” He said to me. I opened my eyes, startled. I looked down at the pillow he tossed and examined it. I ran my hand over the fabric and felt its texture. I remember this pillow. This was the pillow I would roll under my head as I lay on the couch and watched TV as a kid. A sudden realization hit me as I looked around the room with fresh eyes. No longer was I blinded by the fog of confusion. I knew exactly where I was.
I was home.
I looked at the boy still standing at the edge of the couch. I looked him over and realized who he actually was. I stared in disbelief as I smiled and tried to put him at ease. “It’s ok Johnny. I’m not here to hurt you. No one is going to hurt you. Please, sit down” I told him. I motioned to his end of the couch. “Who are you, and why are you here?” he asked me.
“This will be hard to believe, but I’m you” I said with an incredulous tone, “I’m not sure how I ended up here, but I’m here.” He looked at me as I had grown a second head. “That doesn’t make any sense. How could you be me? Did we invent time travel? Oh! Are we secret government agents with the CIA?”
I chuckled. “Wait, wait, wait. Let’s start at the beginning. I’m you at 38 years old. You’re…what, 11… 12 years old? It makes sense. I fell asleep under the window in my- our old bedroom. I didn’t come here on purpose or in a machine. And no, I’m not a government agent.” His face contorted to display understanding, disappointment and finally suspicion. His eyes narrowed as he leaned in towards me. “How do I know you’re really me?” he asked. I thought about it for a moment. How could I prove to him that I was who I said I was? A few seconds of silence settled between us. I stroked my chin, thinking of a solution.
“I have a better idea. Ask me questions that only you know the answers to.” “Okay” he responded. He glanced around the room trying to come up with something. His eyes fixated on the Nintendo sitting under the TV cabinet. “What game do me and Nathan have a map of?” I looked over at the NES. I hadn’t thought about this for years, but I knew instantly what he was asking. “YOU don’t have anything. Nathan is the one that made the map for Section Z” His jaw dropped. He tried to trick me, but his plan failed. He knew well and good that Nathan never let him play. It was always ‘I’ll let you play when I die’ or, ‘you can play when I’m done’. The problem was that he never followed through. Usually by the time Nathan was done, the NES was overheated, and the game would no longer load until it cooled down. By that point, it was time for bed.
“How do you know that?” he asked in astonishment. “I know these things because I’m you. Just like I know that you wear t-shirts to the pool because you’re embarrassed by what others will think of your body. I know that you used to think that people that die off in movies were prisoners that were set to be executed from death row, so they used them for making movies. I know all about you because I’m you”
Johnny sat on the end of the couch in bewilderment, his mouth slightly agape. He had never told anyone any of this. He didn’t have any close friends to talk to about such things, and those friends he did have were more acquaintances than friends. There was only one way he could possibly know these things. He was talking to his future self.
I could see Johnny’s mind completely explode. There lay endless possibility and the answers to a million questions he could ask about his own future. He started to ask a question, only to stop, close his mouth, and try asking another. I knew if he kept this up he would have a stroke or something. “Dude, calm yourself. Let’s talk this out rationally, otherwise you’ll end up stroking out or something.” I told him. He took a deep breath and I could hear him muttering quietly. I knew he was trying to form a coherent sentence before he actually spoke it. I did it all the time. “Ok, first of all, are we rich?” he asked with tempered expectation. I chuckled and grinned back at him. “No, not at all. If I was rich, would I be dressed like this?” I replied as I motioned to my beat up brown Vans and worn out jeans and T-shirt. “We-, I – make enough to get by. I’m not poor, but I earn enough to pay the bills.” His face grew a smirk as he commented “Yeah, I figured. What do I do for work? I mean, what do you do for work?” I thought about it for a second. I wondered how much information I should divulge to a younger me. I still didn’t think this whole situation was really happening, but if it was, I probably should proceed with caution. “Well, it’s complicated. I do a little bit of everything. You know how you’re constantly taking things apart? Let’s just say that it’s good to put them back together in order to keep them working. Take good notes on paper if you need to, and make sure you have a clean work area so you can keep track of all the parts.” He gave me a sheepish look. He knew exactly what I was talking about. I had spent countless hours sneaking dad’s tools to my room so I could figure out how something was built and try to figure out how it worked. I had gotten myself into some pretty bad trouble with dad over a drill, his timing light, and other stuff I had taken from his room. His belt had become quite familiar with my butt cheeks.
I gave him a knowing smile. “What else do you want to know?” He thought about it for a second. “Do we have a girlfriend?” I laughed, probably a little more than I should have because his face contorted into a sour frown. “You don’t need to be a jerk about it” he scowled. I continued to chuckle. “Yeah we have a girlfriend. We have more than a girlfriend” I could tell he was irritated with my vague indirect answers. I knew what he was asking. I remember the crush I had on my neighbor across the street. We had been friends since kindergarten, and had been classmates for 1st, 2nd, and 4th grades. We got along really well, and I knew from around 12 or 13 that I wanted to be her boyfriend. Unfortunately, things never progressed beyond the ‘just friends’ stage of things. It wasn’t from lack of effort on my part. We had just grown up together most of our lives that she didn’t see me as anything more than a brother and friend. “Dude, look. You just started to go through changes and you are starting to notice girls, but that doesn’t mean that you need to love every girl that shows you a little kindness or subtle interest. You need to slow down and let things happen naturally. You can’t force a relationship with someone.” Johnny pondered these words for a moment. I sat back and put my feet up on the coffee table. I looked around the room some more while I waited for another question. There was so much I had forgotten, but being back here had unlocked more and more memories that continued to wash over me. I was trying to hold on to my cool as not all those churned up recollections were pleasant. I stood up and walked over to the front door to peer outside the small central window embedded into the center of it. I could see the old neighborhood as I remembered it all those years ago. The lot across the street that served as a parking area for those that worked at the wheel works at the end of the block was empty of cars. I furrowed my brow as I thought for a moment. An empty lot meant it was afterhours or the weekend.
The gears in my own head started turning. “Wait, where is everyone?” I asked Johnny. Johnny turned to look at me still processing my last response. “Uh..oh, Mom and dad are out of town. They took a trip east this time. I think Rio said they are in Arizona right now. Rio and Nathan went out to get some food and to rent some movies from Video Showcase. Knowing them they’ll eat out first. Talia is staying over at Tia Rosie’s place today with her friends.” I grunted at his response. My mind was wandering as he mentioned Talia and Tia Rosie.
A sudden sharp pain pieced my heart. The pain of a thousand memories now unsealed spilled out from the box I had locked them away in. Tears welled in the corners of my eyes as I turned back to look at Johnny. He felt it too. He stared at the floor with an intensity that made me think it would burst into flames at any moment. I walked back over to him and sat next to him. He didn’t move. I placed my hand on his shoulder, and he threw himself into me. I could feel the tears dripping onto me as he sobbed intensely. “Hey man, its ok. It’s going to be ok.” I said as my own tears started to flow uncontrollably. I pulled him close and draped my other arm around him.
I knew the pain he was feeling. It was such a heavy burden, and I knew there was no one he felt he could talk to. I remembered it all so vividly. We sat there for what seemed to be an eternity. When we finally stopped sobbing, and our noses ran dry, we tried to breathe our way through to calmness. I got up and knelt in front of him. “Johnny, listen to me and remember what it is that I’m about to say to you. You are stronger than you think. You are stronger than you believe. NO ONE should ever have to go through this. Just because it happened to Talia, doesn’t mean you have to put up with it any longer. I know you didn’t think it was wrong, but I’m telling you that what she is doing to you is wrong. Talking to mom and dad isn’t going to make them hate you. You are not doing this to her, she is doing it to you. I’m not making excuses for her, but she is also more damaged than anyone realizes, and she is also dealing with the same level of pain you are. Remember that we do unto others what has been done to us. That doesn’t mean we need to continue the cycle of abuse” The lump in my throat grew immense at my own statement. I swallowed it as best I could and continued “You are going to deal with this pain a little bit at a time, and you’ll slowly get over this. It’s like a broken bone. When it happens, you don’t realize how bad the pain is until the adrenaline wears off, but then the immense pain is there. Just remember that this will pass. Just like a broken bone, you will heal over time, and one day, you will realize that the pain is gone and the bone is no longer broken. You’ll remember the pain, but it won’t hurt anymore.”
Johnny sat there in stunned silence. I knew he didn’t have anyone to help him through this. He couldn’t talk to Rio or Nathan about what was going on. Mom and Dad were constantly working to keep the family fed and sheltered and while they provided materially for their kids, emotional help was less available. Perhaps it was due to their energies being divided into 4 kids, a mortgage and multiple jobs, or perhaps it was also the culture of not talking about problems. Either way, they needed to know what was happening. They wouldn’t be able to fix it otherwise. “They’re going to be mad at me” he finally said after a few moments of silence. “No they won’t be. They love us all. I know you’re not used to hearing it, but they do love you. Everything they do is because of their love for us. This isn’t your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong. Telling them isn’t going to cause them to be angry.” I thought for a moment to find a good analogy. “You love Odie and Lady, right?” He nodded in agreement. “Ok, how would you feel if you knew someone you trusted was coming to the house and beating up our dogs when we weren’t around?” He thought about it for a second before his face changed to anger. “I’d want to kill them!” “Yes, but would you also feel sad that you weren’t there to try to protect them?” I reasoned. His face changed again. He understood what I was saying. Mom and Dad would be angry, but not necessarily at him. They would also feel a great sadness knowing that someone was hurting their child.
I smiled at him. He understood. I nodded. “Dude…You’re going to come to understand that life is not what you think it will be. Life is messy and can change in an instant. The plans you make today may not make it to next week. A lifelong goal can be derailed because of something out of your control. Mom and dad have spent their life protecting us with the goal of keeping us safe, but circumstances out of their control have affected their kids, and now we- you all have to deal with the fallout. Just remember that you are not the culprit. Yes, mom and dad will be hurt and angry, but not at you. Trust them. They don’t do things to hurt us” Johnny hugged me. I- He didn’t have many people he could trust and open up to. He liked to talk a lot about everything going on in his life, no matter how trivial. Everything, except this. This was a shameful topic, and he didn’t feel like anyone would understand why he didn’t go to an adult sooner. The problem was simple. He simply didn’t understand that it was wrong. Now that he had an adult that he could talk to, himself no less, he wanted to lift this burden off his shoulders. He was happy to have found someone and he hugged me tightly. I hugged him back just at tightly. It wasn’t every day that I could meet my younger self and help to comfort them. “Thank you” he said to me.
The world darkened, and everything faded to black.
I lifted my head out of my knees and looked around. I was sitting under the window in my old bedroom again. Had I fallen asleep? I pulled my phone out of my pocket and checked the time. I was emotionally drained and incredibly tired. I hadn’t had sleep like that in years. I got to my feet and looked around the room briefly before walking out to mom and dad’s old room. I grabbed my camera and slowly walked the house, snapping picture after picture. The only sound to be heard was the sound of the camera shutter and my soft footsteps. I thought about my dream as I took pictures.
Upon entering my room, a random memory hit me.
The stash.
I was pretty sure I had taken the hidden box when I moved out all those years ago, but since I was here, I should double check. Heading into the closet, I pushed the panel that led to the attic space out of the way and peered in. I couldn’t see anything, so I reached up there to feel around. The box was indeed gone. I felt around for a few more seconds and was surprised to feel what felt like a thick envelope. I didn’t remember leaving anything up there, but after pulling it down and giving it a cursory glance, I figured it was an old envelope of lost love letters. It wasn’t until I blew off the thick layer of dust that I realized what I was holding. It was a letter. Not just any letter. It was addressed to me.
Under the now semi-cleared layer of dust were the words “To be opened by future me”. I looked at it for a few moments before opening it. I couldn’t remember making this at all, much less storing it up in my secret hiding spot. If ever I hid something, it was in the stash box. My hands shook a bit as I started to open the envelope and pulled out the yellowed pages inside. I started reading.
"Dear Future John. I have spent the last few years remembering a dream I had when I was younger. Life was…difficult at that time, and I spent a lot of time escaping my reality by reading a lot of books and watching a lot of TV. On the off-chance that what I think is a dream really happened. I wanted to write some things down in an effort to give you my thanks. I merely consider myself a conveyer of thanks, although I will pile on my own thanks to you for your words of encouragement. I remember finding a stranger in the house one day while I was home alone. I was afraid he was there to hurt me at first, but after a few moments, I came to realize I was meeting myself. Well, I was meeting me, but from the future. I think he said he was in his 40’s, but I couldn’t tell you with any certainty. Either way, we talked. We talked about life, and what the future held in store for us…
Mostly though, we talked about the abuse. Well, Talked is being generous. We cried, and then we talked. I don’t remember exactly what he told me, but I remember how he made me feel. He made me feel safe. I felt like I could trust him. Trust myself. In the end, he gave me the courage to stand up for myself both at home and at school. He also gave me the courage to talk to mom and dad about what was going on between me and Talia. I do remember being afraid that I would be punished, but he reassured me that they wouldn’t, and that they loved me.
It was a difficult and awkward conversation, but in the end, arrangements were made for me to share a room with Rio and Nathan. I didn’t have much of a relationship with Talia for a long while, but after some years, we managed to patch things up. She apologized to me, and I came to understand the abuse she herself was subjected to by so-called family friends. She didn’t tell me this in an effort to excuse it, but to merely help give me closure to a difficult time from my own childhood. Mom and dad promised to be more attentive to us and we sort of established what I guess you would call an open door policy. We talk more about stuff that’s happening in our lives. Mom is much easier to talk to now. Dad is a little more patient with us too. I apologized to them for not coming to them sooner, and dad gave me a “nugget of wisdom” that I think I’ll live by: We can’t fix what we don’t know is broken. I’ve tried to make sure I talk to them when something is wrong, and I’ve tried to implement that in my life so I don’t have problems with other people.
I’m trying to grow up to be a good guy. I want to have good relationships with people. Nathan says I’m turning into a people pleaser, but I don’t necessarily see that as a terrible thing. I know when to say no to someone. Well, either way, I wanted to make sure I thank you for the help you gave us. I probably won’t remember writing this, but I hope I do find it again someday. Here’s hoping I turn into the man I feel you are. -John Age 16."
I stared at the letter, the words blurring as tears welled up in my eyes. I quickly brushed them away as I quietly spoke to no one in particular. “Thanks guys. I hope I live up to your expectations” I folded the letter, placed it in my pocket, and walked out of the room. After picking up my backpack and tripod, I silently walked towards the front door, my footsteps echoing in the empty house. I turned to look back at the empty living room one last time, and after a moment, I walked out.

27 years old, still live at my parents house, and I've basically been stagnant since high school. I feel like a shell of my former self. I have been going through a process of self discovery and reflection, and the pressure of life is starting to set in. Normally I would counter this with escapism and burying the problem, but this year it feels different. To give some background:
-Short, bald, and obese
-Only have a year and a half experience of part time work (grocery store). I don't have references and a huge employment gap so I'm worried that I am less employable than a felony murderer. I hate working
-Failed out of community college, tried for 6 years and couldn't pass classes I wasn't interested in. Looked into getting IT Certifications as programming and tech support comes naturally to me. I might be limited by not having a college degree later in life, might take 1 college class at a time very slowly while working, who knows. I feel my parents patience is running out so 'career' needs to come soon
-Sadly my favorite thing is media consumption. I've legitimately turned it into a hobby somehow, joining music forums, researching home theater and creating a media center with a custom renderer, part of private torrent communities, etc. I built all of my friends and family's computers, set up surround sound systems, did tech work for grandparents etc. so atleast I can pass that knowledge onto others
-I have 6 really close friends that are absolute saints and have never pressured me into losing weight or getting a job etc. When we hang out its usually food on the cheaper side, memes, hiking, gaming, etc. I know they have my back. As a side effect, I haven't made a new friend since high school, maybe because I have such intense friendships that nothing else would measure up, you know?
-Had a three week relationship when I was 15, she ghosted me
-I think I'm anxious around women specifically. I try to be as normal as possible around them, logically they're any other normal ass person, but the entire time I'm hyper second guessing myself, what I'm saying, how I'm standing, every little thing. I've lived with a close female relative my age and it was completely different. In comparison I feel like a social butterfly around the average gamer type guy around my age
-Tried therapy in the past but bounced off of it, unfortunately I went in looking for a quick fix, instead of advice on how to better myself
Anyways, I felt business as usual up until a couple months ago when my body started screaming out for me to have sex and lose my virginity. Hormones, not peer pressure. Totally normal for a 27 year old guy, but it seems like the journey from here to there is a Mount Everest amount of self work. I don't even know if I want a girlfriend, or if I'm just craving sex. A relationship is about giving and receiving love, and I don't think I'm attractive enough to hook up outside of a relationship which I'm not sure I want in the first place. One redditor told me that people of all shapes and sizes have sex and relationships, regardless of life situation, and 90% of the time it's social skills that limit people
For people who were in the same situation or just have advice, my question is - Do I start from building blocks of a pyramid, cleaning my space and establishing good habits, exercise, adding little by little on top of that? Do I find a part time job, and the rest will fall into place?
How do I find that magical 'third place' to meet women when every hobby sounds lame as fuck?
How do I tell if I'm genuinely aromantic, or if I'm completely hollow inside from being habitually alone?
Does anybody know what the actual fuck is wrong with me?

Does she also make you video your apartment in a circle so she knows you're home alone?
Can you post a picture of Alice eating a small bit of that roast beef?
Why do you allow her to have this level of control over you?
She obviously did not have morals before you (catfish) but did you have morals before her?
And if you did have morals what was the dollar amount that made you disregard them?
Does she have a parental block on your TV channels and the amount of time you are allowed to play your games?
I don't believe you have gotten rid of Alice because I don't think she would be willing to give up anything and will instead lie and play the system to get a dog. Much like she does everything else! But......if you did get rid of her how does it feel that she made you get rid of your cat? She said that Alice picked you as her person.
If you still have Alice and she doesn't get along with Birdie are you willing to get rid of Alice? A cat that has anxiety issues and is older probably wouldn't be adopted easily!
If your wife has used Alice for monetary gain and is willing to so easily throw her side for a dog what do you think she will do with you when you no longer benefit her?
Do you hold the medical insurance thru your work? I feel like that is the only reason she would be keeping you around. And I don't mean that to disrespect you as I'm sure you have other redeeming qualities. She has proven time and time again that she doesn't need you or even want you around all that much. Except to maybe bring her popcorn and turn off the bedroom light.
Do you want to have kids at some point? If so it's definitely not going to happen with her! Her unhealthy lifestyle will make it beyond difficult! And I don't think she even wants that anymore!
How much has your life been stunted by being with her?
What have you given up?
What have you lost?
Every relationship has give and take! I'm not seeing any give on her side! Other than the food she sends you and the pity concert she takes you once a year!
I used to feel sorry for you being in your situation however I have seen that you benefit from it. And it doesn't seem like you would like to save yourself. You also are not stopping her from victimizing others so that makes you just as guilty as her! You also deserve the karma that will come to you!
Enjoy your arbys tonight. I'm assuming tomorrow night will be pizza. Probably Mexican on Friday. Will it ever be something that you pick up on the way home? Or is that only when she is home and you need to bring food to someone in her family. Enjoy the life of deception you have built together!
And Kylea don't bother with the someone said I don't let Joe pick his own food. I don't need you to acknowledge anything this someone said because every word you post is a lie!

Duels was my favorite game mode for a long time. I played fours as well, but Duels was the mode I played the most, there wasn't anything quite like the feeling of an intense 1v1.
Now, not so much. You may be surprised to learn that it's not the characters that are making me want to stop playing it. I'm actually of the opinion that the characters are the most balanced they've ever been. No, it's the players. For a few reasons.
The first is toxicity. I get the most toxicity from this mode. Whether someone just gets salty that I happened to play better than them, or for no reason at all. It just disheartens me, to know that my opponent, instead of having fun and taking losses in stride, is instead foaming at the mouth behind their screen. I just don't understand it, it's so....childish and pointless. I'm sure that at least one person out of the few who read this will laugh and scoff, telling me to 'man up' or some other stupid comment, but well, people are different and I much prefer that everyone not be angry when playing a game. When someone is toxic, it just ruins my mood.
The second is that I'm afraid to throw basic light attacks or opener bashes. It's insane how as if overnight, people are suddenly able to parry or block most neutral lights or dodge every bash. It's one of the most frustrating feelings in the world to not be able to play the game and I can't help but think of the staring contests from back at the beginning of the game (that thankfully I wasn't there for), and conclude that it must have been like what I'm experiencing now. Of course, I'm no reaction monster myself, my reactions are pretty bad so I can't even counter them in turn when they try their offense, except for making a lucky read every so often. I've been of the opinion for some time now that neutral lights should be lowered slightly in damage and made 400ms to better function as openers.
And finally, the third is something most people would probably not really care about, but for me it is important. The number of people who execute in duels seems to have gone down drastically as well. I don't understand why. Is it a trend? Do people think they're 'cool' for doing it? Are the few seconds of time they 'save' really worth it? I'm disappointed every time I don't get executed. I want to be executed because executions are cool and it's part of the beating heart of the game. My disappointment grows each time I don't get executed. Where's the spirit? You can't be bored of the executions, there are countless numbers of them on over twenty-five heroes (I think.)
But yeah. These three factors have just sucked my enjoyment right out of duels, so I might just stop playing them. I'm sure that people who read this find me stupid or, in kinda words, silly. But I don't care. Just had to lay it out as I'm feeling it pretty strongly right now.

So i was thinking about creating a datapack that will do mostly one thing: i want to add a "flag" item to game, and what this "flag" supposed to do is to be placed in any chunk in adventure mode, outside of this chunk player's gamemode are set to adventure mode, but inside this chunk player's should have default survival mode. Basically i want to make so player can build only in this area, when outside of it only way for player to destroy blocks would be throwing an ignited TNT block that will destroy only certain blocks like cracked stone bricks in dungeons or leaves. This way i want player to discover the world and it's dungeons, and also to be able to claim land that player can build on but only under intended circumstances.
Particular stuff i want to know for this are: - How to allow player to brake particular blocks with particular tools in adventure mode (like pickaxes brakes only ore blocks) - Can player even place entities like minecarts/boats/armour stands in adventure mode? If not then can i make so player can place them - How to set only certain blocks to be explodable with TNT/creepers etc. - Can this be achieved only using datapack's possibilities? Maybe i should make a plugin instead? - Is it possible for placed "flag" to be detected in more than one chunk, so player can expand claimed territory? Or for example to use different "flags" inside of dungeons so in order for player to claim territory where dungeon located player needs to clear out the dungeon firstly.
Is this achievable with datapack or should i use plugins like WorldGuard and mess with it to make this?

I've been playing APA out of one bar for almost 2 years now. Last fall, I moved to playing Mondays and there was one dude on that team who kinda seemed to get into it with another dude on the team, shouting matches for no reason.
Anyway, it wasn't really a big deal, I'm a quiet and respectful, generally pretty sober guy so it was whatever. Cut to end of season, 9 ball playoffs come out of nowhere, I have plans that weekend cause nobody told me ahead of time and the one dude, Bo, goes on a full tirade about how he thought I wasn't like this and how he thought I actually cared about the team but he can see how I really am. Ok, whatever Bo, you never told me the schedule so I really don't care, but that was annoying.
After this Bo acted like I changed (and maybe I did, idk, I don't take kindly to people getting on my case like that). But really I'd say to an extent I feel like he changed a bit, again, idk.
I'm going to cut to spring session, because at the end of summer last year we qualified for the local Vegas cup. I holler at Bo asking if he can tell me when the playoffs are because I don't want to miss any of the tournaments, I want to schedule around it. He tells me that the dates aren't decided until the end of the season, so he can't tell me. I say that's wrong, I'll try to find out. He tells me I'm an ass hole, etc. for not believing him, whatever. I reach out to the league operator and find out the dates and share them with Bo. No apology, nothing. Whatever.
Prior to this, I invited Bo to join the scotch doubles tournament. He's making the shot before 8, we have a timeout, so I call it, hoping to get him to relax, cause it should be easy. Of course I'm met with an angry "I know how to play pool!!!!".
All kinds of stuff like this, he'd get pissed if I asked him not to smoke right outside the bars back door with the door open in winter during my match (he's trying to smoke and score or something), but it's making me cold... Idk. Apparently everyone does it and I'm an ass hole for asking. Ok.
Last little story (of course I have more..), one table in the bar is a $1.5 per game, other is $1/game. I always want to play on the $1 table, he always the $1.5. Every time he semi blows up if I suggest we play on the cheaper one, so I'm just like fine, whatever. But if I'm practicing by myself on the $1 table on a regular night, (as I like to do), he'd make a comment like "playing on the kids table" or some shit. When he said that a guy was like "you shoot good, why does that guy talk to you like that". I brushed it off.
Anyway, I went perfect season in spring 8 and 9 ball. Not 1 loss. 8ball minislam. I want to get better though. I found a 7 to join a team out of the bar, he can only do Tuesdays. We don't have anyone over a 5 on any of the teams, I want to play with more skilled players and continue improving. I'm trying to switch to Tuesday, but the thing is, there's no room, cause suddenly Bo is on the team. I asked for his Tuesday spot (the man plays 5 nights a week, I play 1). He said no, implied I'm an ass hole for even asking, blah, blah, blah, swear word, swear word swear word, swear word. I simply said "Fuck you, I'm done", blocked the man on my phone, blocked him on Facebook, and I've decided I'll be much happier if I don't spend any more time with him ever again. I mean for fucks sake, I play pool once a week to relax.
But here is where I fucked up. It was playoff weekend. I let the whole team down by not showing up. Vegas cup is coming up, but I'm firmly standing at "I will play if you play me before Bo gets there, or if you play Bo first, and he leaves before I get there". Nobody having it.
I skipped the part where he screamed at me at the top of his lungs in the bar the weekend before, but anyway.
So yeah, now I feel like I shouldn't go back to that bar even to practice, I know I let down the owner. I know I'll run into this lunatic Bo and at minimum get screamed at, if not attempted to be physically intimidated. The owner is kind of an apologist for the guy or they go way back or something. Always like "Bos had a hard time, he promises to behave". I'm standing firm, but damn, I really want to play pool. I really want to play pool at my local bar without feeling weird.
But I refuse to be screamed at, disrespected, misled, have someone act like they can control how I spend my time, etc. etc. etc.
It just sucks man, I want to go play pool at my local bar, but Idk at this point how I feel about the owner having this maniacs back at all. I want to join another team out of another pool hall or something, but I know I'll get shit from teams out of my bar, I'm a loyal guy, I'll feel like I'm betraying them. But more than anything, I just wanna go shoot a couple games of pool on a regular basis right down the street from my house.
Appreciate any advice and thanks for taking the time.

Hello. I have some friends in another state that became a couple 2 years ago. Then a few months ago my female friend discovered my male friend was cheating on her. He said it was because of her mom. Which is controlling. But I stayed natural and didn't choose sides and told them they are both my friends and I was here for them both and was here if they needed to vent. But I wouldn't talk bad about either of them because I care about both of them. Before this started we would face time and play video games with each other a lot and even message in a group chat. Because we live so far away now. So not long after the break up the female friend deleted me on everything and blocked me. On Facebook, snap chat Playstation ect ect.. I was upset at first but then I thought about it and thought she's upset and hurting right now so she probably just needs space and time to herself and what not. That I wouldn't block her that I would be here for her when she was ready. And about a month later she messaged me on Facebook messenger. And slowly started to comeback around and at first just messaged some. Then called on messenger but no camera. Then face timed then added me back and unblocked me on everything except on Facebook. She didn't add me back but I didn't say anything. So she has called me everyday since for a few hours at night. And would get upset if I couldn't answer right away or if I got tired and wanted to go to bed. She gets upset and says I'm ditching her or running away. So I remind here I'm not running away that I'm always here for her. And she says I know its just I don't want to lose you too. So she's called every night for the last 2 months. So the night before last I sent her a Facebook friend request. And she didn't mention it or accept it. So I thought well I guess she declined it for some reason. Then about 30 minutes ago she suddenly messaged me that she can't be friends with me on Facebook sorry. And it didn't bother me except for 1 thing. She added me back on every single thing and had her kids add me back on Playstation as well. And has been messaging and face timing me every day for almost 3 months and gets upset when I can't get on a call right away or because it gets so late I start falling asleep and go to bed. But she says she can't be friends with me on Facebook????. Does anyone else think that's strange or weird? And anyone have any idea what the reason could be? I mean I know she doesn't have to accept the friend request and that its her choice. But it just seems odd that she would add me on everything and tell her kids to add me back. When I didn't ask her to add me back on the others she sent requests for me to add her back. So I'm just confused by the Facebook request being the only one that can't be accepted 🤔. I asked and she just ignored the question. So I respected her choice and dropped it. But does anyone else see the logic or what the reasoning could be? Or any advice would be appreciated. Because I'm totally confused

This was a list very similar to what I used to play during 6th and 7th. Plan is to have my lord with the chosen knights, my BsB with the chosen warriors, my wizard with the unfrenzied warrior block. I like to think it’s not too cheesy of list with the lack of monstrous creatures and not leaning heavy into magic. Personally I have not played a game of Old World yet and want to make sure I am not bringing an army that would easily be rolled over. Thank you for taking the time to look!
++ Characters [672 pts] ++ Chaos Lord [350 pts] (Great weapon, Full plate armour, Mark of Chaos Undivided, General, Chaos Steed, Bedazzling Helm, Crown of Everlasting Conquest, Enchanting Aura)
Exalted Sorcerer [170 pts] (Hand weapon, Light armour, Mark of Chaos Undivided, Level 2 Wizard, On foot, Infernal Puppet, Daemonology)
Exalted Champion [152 pts] (Hand weapon, Heavy armour, Shield, Mark of Chaos Undivided, Battle Standard Bearer, On foot)
++ Core Units [754 pts] ++ 5 Chaos Warhounds [30 pts] (Claws and Fangs (Hand weapons))
5 Chaos Warhounds [30 pts] (Claws and Fangs (Hand weapons))
17 Chaos Warriors [256 pts] (Hand weapons, Heavy armour, Shields, Mark of Chaos Undivided, Champion, Standard bearer, Musician)
18 Chaos Warriors [305 pts] (Hand weapons, Heavy armour, Shields, Mark of Chaos Undivided, Champion, Standard bearer [Banner of Rage], Musician)
7 Forsaken [133 pts] (Mutated weapons (Hand weapons), Heavy armour, Forsaken by Khorne)
++ Special Units [570 pts] ++ 5 Chosen Chaos Knights [226 pts] (Lances, Shields, Full plate armour, Mark of Chaos Undivided, Champion, Standard bearer, Musician)
11 Chosen Chaos Warriors [234 pts] (Halberds, Full plate armour, Mark of Chaos Undivided, Champion, Musician)
Chaos Chariot [110 pts] (Hand weapons, Halberds, Mark of Chaos Undivided)
Created with "Old World Builder"
[https://old-world-builder.com]

When doing harp - pit it on your private island, ideally in the corner as far away from your island as possible, empty your inventory and accessory bag, set your render distance to the lowest value possible, just so the game has no data to send you except harp
Don't forget about rebinding your buttons so you middle click when clicking a slot in the harp, eventually you can seek alternatives like skyhanni keybinds, touchscreen or even a pad for playing osu if you're that type of person
If you can get your ping consistent but high, click when notes are 1 tile earlier, that should help with timing
You could try same thing with dojo, but it might be not as reliable, could slightly help though
When mining - set your game version to 1.20.6 or something similar, you'll lack the convenience of having mods but the ping penalty for mining is essentially 3x lower in this version than in 1.8.9, it's worth taking the sacrifice if your ping is anything above 200ms
Personally when i tried mining in this version, it felt so insanely smooth and refreshing knowing that i don't have to wait 0.2s before the game realizes that i'm trying to break a block

So I'm really enjoying this game. Playing it on the PSVR2. The only thing I don't like is the actual movement in the game is a little bit kind of weird sometimes. I know you can always click with the trigger and it'll take you to the ball but when you're just trying to walk around the course it seems like I keep getting blocked everywhere I try to walk. I sped up the turning and the movement significantly. The other weird thing is you can turn left, turn right, or go forward but you can't step backwards 😕. I'm not sure why there's plenty of buttons on the controller that you can use to do that they should have the stick downwards for movement backwards and then push the stick to pick up the lost ball.
I can definitely see this game being popular at any kind of group get together

1. Communion 16.35HZ-120HZ Roar - This is the Move of Suicune or Entei or Raichu or Beta Suicune which is activated by the Preist Entei to give the first stage of holy communion, first communion 1.1 120HZ-650HZ This is jesus realm of holy communion, of pussy yeast bread bacteria (261.5HZ) and the very limit of jesus' power, Plumbing in a Live Setting (650HZ) and also jesus' roar which jesus as Raichu does not roar but thunder bolt (120HZ). 16.35HZ-33HZ Prime Ground for yelling at oil, yell a little above the base 1.2 650HZ-917HZ This is the bound of natural potatos or other plants, which the garden is important to many christians and also other religion so this refers to the terrarium in space christianity or the garden of the person in base christianity 1.3 Note 917, Potato slightly above their resource value, 396 Dimensionless Constant to 512 Dimensionless Constant 1.4 917-1111HZ Russian Range, From above potato (Beet) and 1111, Combat Plates 1.5 1111HZ to 1800HZ American Range, The Latest tostito or dorito of the american as the bag is the upper limit description intermediary - Americans are Gaigin so use dimensionless for their product here 1200 sugar 1300 glycine 1400 hydrogen 1500 pepsi cola et cetera even though it is holy communion! 1.6 1800-4096HZ Holy body of the individual, above doritoes is the gamer girl pee and bathwater of the person, which holy water is the binaca of the bathwater and no gamer girl pee in it or soap 1.7 Binaca can be formed from the deactivated virus and bacteria of the compound being made of bacteria, the virus inactive antidote and bacterial counter are provided in binaca or vaccine oil 1.8 Holy water contains a specific binaca, binaca of christian 1.9 Binaca is generally nonhazardous as it is a peptide oil which contains live vaccine 2.0 Specific dangerous binaca is not referenced, only oral binaca (holy water packet) 2.1 Binaca is very healthy and prevents diseases 2.2 Pure vaccine oil disderived but made in mind with binaca can be injected as a vaccine oil that is not a body innoculation 2.3 Communion is a placebo when it is jesus body 200HZ Chanterelle because that is dimensionless and thus american, and the placebo or laugh is the best drug 2.4 Jesus body can be consumed due to his Rezzurection at mount hyal behind a boulder due to unforeseen spatiotemporal forces from the future, god had kidnapped jesus to take him as a teacher for angels thus his body can be eaten as holy communion and his actual body exists at 400HZ Which is not dimensionless but holy, e.g. a trancedental being 2.5 Communion actively rezzurects jesus and if communion stops oil is more ugandan and there is no way to get something from nothing 2.6 Jesus invented mana crypto in his live so mana is evoked to this day in steam inventory trades and in the domestic behavior of animals which forever more after jesus' life animals can be tamed and not steer wild 2.7 Rocket leauge in the decentraland setting is how jesus obtained mana by selling his life which involved running into the wilderness, the decentraland rocket leauge game is based around the meta of jesus' life going to the wilderness and surviving as a young child 2.8 Communion actively accesses the life of jesus when it is taken due to the denormalizing meme force, jesus' rocket leauge mana game is holy communion and chewed generally on average in a whopping 26 chews, communion is chewed on average longer than any food so it evokes jesus' sale of his life to psynet 2.9 Jesus invented the rocket leauge ice block 3.0 Jesus invented the first diffusor which was used for a water pipe 3.1 On his prestige jesus invented the first firearm alongside my friend mason 3.2 Jesus's true name is PYBCES or Pussy Yeast Bread Jesus. 3.1.4 Jesus Plays Tetris and is involved with Super Adventure Time

Today, for the first time, my lock screen, without my intervention, displayed widgets for news, the stock market, and sports.
Based on the direction Microsoft has been headed for a long time now (Slowly), I assumed that these were all links to articles from websites owned by Microsoft that would have opened in Edge, even though Edge is not my default browser.
However, since I was going to turn the things off no matter where they came from and which browser my default is, on a practical level, it doesn't really matter what they would have done had I clicked them (Which I didn't).
Anyhow, here is how to remove them from your personal install:
Settings>Personalization>Lock Screen>Lock Screen Status>Select "None" on the dropdown menu
This is not to confused with "Get fun facts, tricks, and more on your lock screen", which needs to unchecked for similar reasons, but which most of us have already done, because it's been there so long. :) Somehow having that box unchecked didn't cover their latest scheme.
Now, the good thing with Windows 10/11 is that you can turn most of this stuff off (One of the things you can't turn off, a little ironically, are the ads in settings, where you often go to turn off ads in other parts of the OS.). The bad thing is that it's there, and they don't really respect existing user settings designed to block some things, and just create another setting that allows similar things by default in updates and uses it's own installed browser to launch them if you actually do engage.
Both my wallpaper and lock screen come from 800+ wallpapers I put in a folder. I kind of liked Windows 10's default lock screens that refreshed from the cloud every few days until I saw "shop till you drop" links and full screen ads for new video games. Then I decided to use solely my own lock screens, even though I liked being surprised by a good non-commercial one when using their default cloud lock screens. On Windows 10 at the time, this meant using one set lockscreen (Though you could rotate desktop wallpapers automatically), but now there is the ability to do a slideshow of images from a folder on your own harddrive instead (Can't remember if this was a Windows 10 feature add or original to Windows 11), which is less pleasantly surprising, but never tells me to shop till I drop, or are stealth (or not so stealh) advertisements (Unless I actually see something I like that somehow involves a shop or something in it and put it in the folder myself.),
TL;DL- Settings>Personalization>Lock Screen>Lock Screen Status>Select "None" on the dropdown menu

Meant to take a break from Rise's endgame and give a little more attention to World since I'd hit kind of a roadblock and got burnt out from it. World has been fantastic so far... Until this fucking pile of steaming hot garbage showed her fucking face
Teostra was a literal pushover for me : sure he hits hard and he's fast, moves a lot, and starts heat damage if you stay close for too long,but guarding in front of his face when he aggros you and then attacking depending on the available opening was a pretty reliable strategy, and made for a rather fun fight still. Teostra is a fair fight, it's an endgame elder dragon so it makes sense that it's punishing
But then the devs wondered "What if we took this perfectly good fight, and took away everything that made it fair and fun?" And thus that fucking blue haired Karen saw the light of day it never should have.
Where do I even start ? She will never fucking stop attacking and covering half the arena with her fucking clown vomit! You can't even make good use of a guarding weapon like (gun)lance to learn her patterns because the fucking area hazard spam would deal the same fucking damage as if you'd just stand there and took it up the ass! At least Bazelgueuse and Uragaan leave pretty visible chunks that light up as they are about to explode, at least Vaal Hazak leaves a clear trail that does take some time before it affects you, but with lunastra, you can't even get close to her without burning alive!
Speaking of burning alive, why not mention her instant, half invisible gusts of flames ?! Who the FUCK thought it was a good idea to have a hitbox so fucking large have so little visibility/windup ? She can litterally do it out of any fucking move and it just goes so fucking far if she misses, the hitbox goes around the fucking earth and hits you again somehow. Just flaps her wing and ta-da! There goes 80% of your health bar. What about the remaining 20% you ask ? Well you can try to retreat and dring a potion of course ! Unless she decides to hit the 379217863th attack string in her godforsaken pattern!
"Oh well just don't immediately get up when knocked down, just wait for an opening to get up, run and heal" WHAT FUCKING OPENING ? Playing passively only nets you a slap on the back of the head, except you can't even learn from it because you can't fucking tell what this cunt's about to pull out of her ass the instand your I-frames wear off. And run WHERE EXACTLY ?! Into the fucking continent's worth of surface she's infected with her fucking trashfire, of the only quarter of the area that isn't lego riddled floorboards where she's definitely not about to jump to, trust me :}
Also can we talk about the fact that you only have 15 MINUTES FOR SOME UNKOWN FUCKING REASON ? Like the monster isn't already hard enough to keep up with, let's just add an arbitrary time limit because fuck you, that's why. "Well this is your cue to play aggressively!" And get instantly punished because I went for a flinch instead of retreating/guarding ? Sure, be my guest then!
All that and I still haven't gotten into the worst part yet : the fucking microwave oven attack. Asshole really just stands there, sets 90% of the fucking New World on fire and periodically farts out nukes. What do you even fucking do against that ? Guard ? The fire will kill you. Sheathe and dodge ? The time it takes for you to sheath is longer than the interval between shockwaves ? Superman dive ? Again, the time you take to get back up and a second shockwave has hit the hunter. Preemptive positionning ? The only safe place is at the other end of the fucking arena, where even HBG's are out of range, god forbid you're a blademaster. And unlike Teostra's supernova, there is little to no windup for a screenwide wipe you can't block.
Capcom really just took Kushala's area denial, Anjanath's aggressiveness, Uragaan's lack of a fucking bell and casually sprinkled a bit of the oh so special hitbox cancer, threw it into a blender, drank the stuff, vomited it out into the toilet, fushed it down and collected the sewage to create this gasoline pissing piece of shit!
Oh and you wanna know the best part ? The side characters giving you "advice" : Handler : "Don't be afraid to use the SOS flare to call for help!" Yeah sure buddy, jacking up the monster's HP while I wait during the 7 remaining minutes for potential help to arrive is bound to yield fantastic results I'm sure. But the game doesn't respect you so neither will I Field Team Leader : "Knowledge is your best weapon and defense. Read your monster field guide" SHUT THE FUCK UP FIELD TEAM LOSER I DON'T HAVE THE FUCKING ENTRY BECAUSE IT'S MY FIRST TIME HUNTING THE DAMN THING! Doesn't help this is their reaction to me carting because I made the regrettable decision of retreating and drinking a potion when my health was low.
Lunastra is just plain unfair, between area denial that punishes slow weapons just for existing, instant attacks that will catch even mobile weapons off-guard constantly jumping at a range where even ranged weapons/slinger (if you can even get ammo for it) will struggle to deal good damage while she can casually melt your healthbar off by breathing in your general direction (oops, my mistake, there was one flame particle in the air so that means it's the hitbox and damage of a Valstrax divebomb)
Ah, and I didn't even mention my third cart in the span of 10 minutes, while she was just casually camping near the entrance and fucking blasted me into The Elder Scrolls IV for at least trying to get more intel on her patterns while I painstakingly wait for time to run out. I've got no qualms with the fight being difficult, it's a post-game boss after all, so It's normal to have trouble against it. But between the insta-low hps, the area hazards spam and constantly jumping around, it just doesn't feel fair or fun at all.
Between this and the pain in the ass that was Leshen, I'm like one bad monster away from quitting world entirely. Fuck Iceborne, fuck the post game, if it's gonna be filled with shit like this why would I even fucking bother ?
Fuck you Lunastra, I'd tell you to burn in hell but that's where you come from you fucking lion cunt.

Hello we are 2TMC a 21+ community server much like Hermitcraft. We are a SMP with emphasis on being friendly (with a little bit of chaos) with other players, and trying to be a welcoming community to everyone. We are running a Semi-Vanilla server with a few terrain generation mods and additional mods that enhance the vanilla experience (see list below).
We are looking for players who will be active in game on chat and on our Discord voice channels. The server is in NA but we accept players from all around the world. Discord and a mic are required! We love to chat on voice in game but it's definitely not required! We are also youtubestreamer friendly. So if you love to play minecraft and are looking for a friendly environment where you can prank others and do community projects then send us a message! We'd love to chat with you.
Data packs on the server

• afkdisplay
• anti enderman grief
• armored elytra
• better item frames
• blackstone cobblestone
• blaze and cave's advancements pack
• coal to black dye
• charcoal to black dye
• confetti creepers
• coordinates hud
• craftable notch apples
• craftable coral blocks 3x3
• craftable gravel
• craftable bundles rabbit hide
• custom nether portals
• double shulker shells
• dragon drops
• durability ping
• fast leaf decay
• graves
• larger phantoms
• more mob heads
• mountain angels
• name formatting station
• player head drops
• real time clock
• silence mobs
• straight to shapeless
• unlock all recipes
• universal dyeing
• unpackable nether wart
• villager workstation highlights
• wandering trades hermit edition

​
Fabric mods on the server

• armor poser
• audioplayer
• cloth config api
• clumps
• enhanced groups
• fabric per player spawns
• geophilic
• head index
• just an end anchor
• keep head names
• more mob variants
• no chat reports
• player pronouns
• radio
• regrowth
• shulker+
• shulkerboxtooltip
• simple voicechat
• slimyfloor
• status
• stitched snow
• terralith
• towns and towers
• william wythers' overhauled overworld

​
Fabric mods required to join the server

• armor poser
• cloth config api
• just an end anchor
• more mob variants
• no chat reports
• shulker+
• simple voicechat
• status
• xareos minimap
• xareos worldmap

​
Server Rules

1. Be Respectful
2. No griefing, stealing, or cheating
3. Chat is English only
4. Non-Destructive Pranks are allowed (so Hermitcraft style pranks)
5. Spawn area is for a spawn town
6. Bases must be built 250 blocks away from Spawn.
7. No duping except for carpet, rail and tnt.
8. No combat logging, this means mobs as well.
9. Taking items/griefing from active and maintained ruin sites is prohibited.
10. No hacking or hacked clients
11. No using others builds, items, villagers, etc without their permission.

If you are interested in joining please fill out this application

Hello we are 2TMC a 21+ community server much like Hermitcraft. We are a SMP with emphasis on being friendly (with a little bit of chaos) with other players, and trying to be a welcoming community to everyone. We are running a Semi-Vanilla server with a few terrain generation mods and additional mods that enhance the vanilla experience (see list below).
We are looking for players who will be active in game on chat and on our Discord voice channels. The server is in NA but we accept players from all around the world. Discord and a mic are required! We love to chat on voice in game but it's definitely not required! We are also youtubestreamer friendly. So if you love to play minecraft and are looking for a friendly environment where you can prank others and do community projects then send us a message! We'd love to chat with you.
Data packs on the server

• afkdisplay
• anti enderman grief
• armored elytra
• better item frames
• blackstone cobblestone
• blaze and cave's advancements pack
• coal to black dye
• charcoal to black dye
• confetti creepers
• coordinates hud
• craftable notch apples
• craftable coral blocks 3x3
• craftable gravel
• craftable bundles rabbit hide
• custom nether portals
• double shulker shells
• dragon drops
• durability ping
• fast leaf decay
• graves
• larger phantoms
• more mob heads
• mountain angels
• name formatting station
• player head drops
• real time clock
• silence mobs
• straight to shapeless
• unlock all recipes
• universal dyeing
• unpackable nether wart
• villager workstation highlights
• wandering trades hermit edition

​
Fabric mods on the server

• armor poser
• audioplayer
• cloth config api
• clumps
• enhanced groups
• fabric per player spawns
• geophilic
• head index
• just an end anchor
• keep head names
• more mob variants
• no chat reports
• player pronouns
• radio
• regrowth
• shulker+
• shulkerboxtooltip
• simple voicechat
• slimyfloor
• status
• stitched snow
• terralith
• towns and towers
• william wythers' overhauled overworld

​
Fabric mods required to join the server

• armor poser
• cloth config api
• just an end anchor
• more mob variants
• no chat reports
• shulker+
• simple voicechat
• status
• xareos minimap
• xareos worldmap

​
Server Rules

1. Be Respectful
2. No griefing, stealing, or cheating
3. Chat is English only
4. Non-Destructive Pranks are allowed (so Hermitcraft style pranks)
5. Spawn area is for a spawn town
6. Bases must be built 250 blocks away from Spawn.
7. No duping except for carpet, rail and tnt.
8. No combat logging, this means mobs as well.
9. Taking items/griefing from active and maintained ruin sites is prohibited.
10. No hacking or hacked clients
11. No using others builds, items, villagers, etc without their permission.

If you are interested in joining please fill out this application

I finally finished Secrets of Grindea on the hardest difficulty, getting the true ending and 100% completion ingame, took me about 30 hours which I think is very reasonable, doesn't overstay its welcome. Here's a short review in case anyone is thinking of getting it, no spoilers of course.
Story:
As the game tries to emulate SNES JRPGs, the story consists of you collecting various macguffins to achieve your goal that becomes clear as you progress through the game. That's all I can say without spoilers.
Music:
It's very good, one of the game's strongest parts. You got cheerful songs that make you forget about your worries, you got spooky songs, you got desert theme, you got sick orchestral songs. It's overall very good, one issue is that most of the songs are roughly a 1 minute loop so you will get tired of them eventually.
Controls:
They are not the tightest, I often found myself shielding in the wrong direction because the shield came out slightly too late or using a skill in the wrong direction, it just doesn't feel tight enough especially for the later bosses. The hitboxes in the game are also very bad.
Gameplay:
As the name implies, there is grinding. As I said at the start it took me about 30 hours grinding included, multiple retries at bosses to learn them so it's on the lighter side of JRPG grinds. The gameplay has a lot of variety with 2 melee skill trees, 4 magic skill trees and 9 utility skills that are neither and 3 separate passive skill trees so there is a decent amount of variety and player expression. I tried out a bunch of the skills and they all mostly felt good, I played a melee tanky 2 hander.
The main thing you will be grinding for is cards which give you small stat boosts that add up, for 100% you will also be grinding for enemy specific drops which are usually 1% or less droprate or materials to craft every item for completion. Cards start at a very low droprate depending on the enemy, some enemies start at 1% but most start below 0.5%, however there is a pity system that slowly increases your chance and I don't think I needed more than 400 kills of any enemy to get their cards.
Balance:
The balance is very questionable. In my experience 2H was significantly worse than 1H but I'm stubborn so I refused to switch, I never used basic attacks on 2H because they are very slow and their damage does not make up for it, I bonked everything to death with the slam attack. Armor is kind of useless unless you specifically stack it. Hybrid builds are not very good because you will just not deal enough damage, you can also only max out 2 spells completely by level 40 which is the soft level cap. Skills past a level need Gold Skill Points which you don't get a lot of.
Utility skills are amazing so they will be taking up majority of your hotkey slots, they also only cost 3 points to max out so their value is massive.
I think balance needs some work but it's not gamebreaking.
Puzzles:
I'm not a puzzle guy but the puzzles were pretty fun. You got usual sokoban, you got bouncy mirror puzzles, you got math puzzles, you have treasure maps with images and poems. They are mostly easy and don't take a lot of time to do with the exception of a few optional puzzles.
Enemies:
You got basic things like slimes, rabbits, boars, but there is also sand golem, ghosts, yetis, stone statues, teleports behind you man. The overall enemy design and roster is very varied and they are all unique but there is one problem. During grinding, the longer you stay in a room the more enemies will spawn and this gets really bad after halfway into the game because there is a lot of enemies that got massive attacks or shoot projectiles nonstop so the entire screen will be covered in projectiles and you cannot see. Enemies can also interrupt your spellcasting if you get hit, there is a passive that gives you a chance not to get interrupted the more armor you have but if you are a spellcaster, you don't have enough armor to use that effectively, even my melee bonker with 150 defense often got interrupted which is very annoying.
Bosses:
The part I'm the most mixed about. There is a lot of gimmicky bosses, some normal bosses that are just dodge checks and some bosses that will make you want to turn the game off. There is a lot of bosses that take from the enemies in filling the screen with projectiles nonstop but the lack of tightness in the controls makes dodging them very annoying. There are bosses that are multiple bosses so you have to pay attention to 4 different things and try to block all of them at once which you can't so you will get hit unfairly because you can't look at everything at once. Of course every boss can be beaten with a little trying or grinding but majority of them wasn't very fun, the rest of the game is but the bosses feel like they were made for a different game.
The game also has an issue with insane difficulty spikes out of nowhere.
True Final Boss:
This needs its own section.
It took me about 3 hours to beat him and he was incredibly hard but for the wrong reasons. Its attacks are randomized and they can overlap in various ways, some way harder to dodge than others so it becomes a really RNG heavy fight when the fight is supposed to be pure skill with no cheese strats. On the highest difficulty, the fight takes away your health potion and your magic bubble so you cannot use them, it's meant as a fight to show your mastery of the game. It requires really split second parries and turns and really tight dodging but as mentioned above, the controls aren't the greatest so you will get hit when you thought you blocked the attack combined with dodgy hitboxes.
It's a very cinematic fight though and I am 100% happy that I spent the effort into getting the fight and actually learning it despite all of its issues.
Overall:
I think the game is a very solid 7/10, it has its issues but it's still a great game even if it pissed me off in a couple of places and I would definitely recommend. I haven't even touched the arcade mode yet which has its own story and own gameplay, I'll do that later.

TL;DR;: bf at the time sent a solo video of himself to a girl after ignoring me all day and I’m pretty sure that counts as cheating.
I am going to try and make this short. My ex 25M and i 24F were in a bit of a kinky relationship. We had agreed on sharing our sex tapes with ppl as we liked to be watched (we did OF too but it wasn’t a hit so we quit). In the agreement, we said that the things we would share would always involve us both, nothing solo ever!
About 8 months ago (when we were still together) he had been sick for a couple of days. I woke up one day and did my usual check in with him good morning and how did you sleep. He didnt answer for a few hours i figured he was asleep until i seen he was online on ps5. He was in a party with two girls and a guy on Fortnite. Btw these are all strangers he’s never mentioned knowing any of these ppl, we’d been together almost 3 years at that point so i am well aware of ppl he games with. He was on one of the girls stream, let’s call her Susan. I called him with no answer and texted him again now around 7pm or so. He tells me he just wants some time alone to himself because he doesn’t feel well and just wants to play the game. I asked him why wouldn’t he just say this instead of ignoring. I want to add this is not like him. He’s never done that our entire relationship until then. This then turns into an argument about how he doesn’t have to report everything to me and doesn’t have to tell me he needs a day to himself and that he would talk to me later. I was upset but i left him alone.
A few days later i spent the night at his house. Before you guys bash me yes i went through his phone and this is not the first time I’ve done it (every time i have found something new or something he was hiding). I seen the texts between him and Susan. In the texts they exchanged videos. She sent a video of her having sex and he sent a video of him playing with himself. I want to add that i have never seen that video before it was new and most likely taken just for her. He also looked very normal and not sick in said video. I woke up to confront him about this and he apologized and told me he would block them all. I told him I’d drop the situation and just wanted to move on. I just can’t get it out of my head and my best friend says that’s literally him cheating on me and now i do believe he cheated. I thought about it for months and now that we’ve been broken up for three months I’ve had time to really process the entire relationship. He had a history of being extremely sneaky and i also saw his Snapchat full of pics and video I’ve never seen and he had a private story as well that i knew about but since i don’t have Snapchat I’ve never seen his post. He wants to get back with me (bad idea i know) but plz tell I’m not delusional and this is indeed cheating.

Former Colorado Buffaloes F Tristan Da Silva declared for the draft and is 100% committed: https://twitter.com/DraftExpress/status/1785032667370832128 It's his birthday today...he is 23 years old. Born in Germany to a Brazilian father and German mother, with a brother who also played in the States at Stanford (Oscar), Da Silva made the jump from Bayern Munich's youth academy to Colorado. He improved every season of his four year career and now is headed to the professional ranks.
Da Silva measured in at 6'8.25 w/out shoes and a 6'10.25 wingspan at the combine. 217 pounds. He's got the height/length you're looking for from a combo forward, although he's on the thinner side. He doesn't have the widest frame but I do think he can gain muscle from where he currently is. He already has year to year and it's something that'll be important for him to continue to add as strength concerns are one of his biggest question marks as a prospect.
Da Silva's athleticism is something that has been called into question. I've read the posts about him in recent days on here, which is somewhat why I saved him for last of the three Colorado guys. I wanted to cut to the chase and really see what people think and think he is someone that seems to elicit a lot of debate. I think he's a better athlete than some think he is, but obviously, he isn't a standout athlete either. His lateral quickness is viewed in a negative light by some but it really isn't bad. His lateral quickness is above average. He can hang with guards on switches. He can hang with most forwards in isolation. His length really aids him on switches against smaller players. He has the mobility to stay linked and will contest/block when they put a shot up.
Da Silva's issues athletically are that he doesn't have great balance and doesn't have great flexibility. On a straight line drive, Da Silva fares well laterally. He can handle a crossover, he can handle some counters and stick with guards/wings. But it's when he's really forced to make a quick change of direction and reaction where he has his struggles. His biggest issue athletically is that he's not the quickest twitch. He's mobile, he has good feet, he's coordinated, but he's not the most fluid and he's not the quickest twitch. His defensive footwork is very good when he's not being handsy, but unfortunately he does get handsy at times on the drive.
Defending quick rips closing out defensively for example is something he struggles with. He doesn't react consistently well to initial moves. He often does, but not consistently. You can get by him defensively with a quick initial move. His all around defensive awareness is worse than some people seem to think it is...ball watches a ton, back cut a ton, misses out on rebounds, misses out on rotations. When he's focused and dialed in, he's a fantastic rotater. He makes on time, sharp rotations. He helps the helper. He hustles and flies around defensively and is active shoring gaps. But he doesn't do that consistently. He loses focus way too much, for a guy who is billed as a 3/D player. His screen navigation is pretty substandard for a veteran. Just does not navigate traffic well enough and strength sees him bumped off spots when navigating screens. He doesn't get taken out of plays, but he does end up behind plays. He can recover with length and hustle at times, but not always.
His lack of strength hurts his ability to defend the post. He can be a little too upright defensively in general and while he will battle in the post at times, he can be pretty weak down there. Not being down in a stance possession to possession means you can drive into him from the post and the perimeter. Were a few possessions he actually fell down with drivers going into his chest, and he couldn't maintain his balance. He is generally good at closing out on balance and in a disciplined way but not always...he gets jumpy on defense. He overhelps a lot defensively, ends up in no man's land, and gives up open 3's or drives off closeouts...one of his biggest negatives on the defensive end.
He does use his length really well on contests when he stays in front of drivers, he defends PnR ballhandlers well, and he uses his length well in passing lanes. He isn't a major event maker defensively but will break up passes and generate steals with his length and activity off ball. When he's locked in, he's a very good team defender. He's simply not always locked in and he just does not have the physical tools to not be locked in every single possession, either on the perimeter or post. He's one of those guys who's versatile defensively but in a tweener way. He's not really an elite option on anyone, but he's capable. He doesn't have the instincts or the toughness to be a guy who can switch up the lineup, but he is capable against 2/3/4 positions.
Da Silva is a pretty mediocre rebounder for his size which is another red flag surrounding him as a prospect, he's not a bad one but also not someone who's necessarily pursuing balls aggressively by any means. He will be expected to be a contributor on the boards as a swing forward and not being able to do so will undercut his value.
Da Silva has a unique blend of skills on the offensive end. His jump shot is his best trait. He was awesome as a midrange shooter this year and he shot 39% from 3 on 5 attempts. 83.5% from the line, and has shot at least 37% on increasing numbers of attempts the last three seasons. His shot is for real...great mechanics. Great extension, great balance. No wasted motion. He makes shots off screens, and he's an elite C&S guy who does a good job creating space for himself off the catch when coming off screens and when relocating on the perimeter. He has some movement shooting ability, but for the most part he's someone who works his way off flare screens, out of DHO's, off-ball screens and leaking out to the perimeter, and catches and fires. He's a very good pull up shooter. He likes the pull up out of the PnR, off curls and off DHO's in the midrange. He will duck in and find himself open around the FT line and take the FT jumper; he's good at finding gaps for himself for jumpers all over the court. He has a little bit of PnP ability. He sets solid screens himself to open teammates for 3's. He does a very good job slipping screens and diving to the basket or leaking out to the perimeter and obtaining easy looks from the outside. He's always catch ready and he's quick into his motion as a shooter across the board which along with his size makes him hard to contest.
Da Silva will find rollers and cutters out of the PnR. He finds the dump off guy when cutting to the rim. He moves the ball and will make the right read within the flow of the offense. He will bring the ball up and can facilitate and get his team into offense. He's not really an advanced playmaker but has some drive and dish ability and can make solid reads as a live dribble passer, but he also overpenetrates and turns the ball over with bounce passes that don't hit the target. He turns the ball over a lot that way. Gets cut off on drives and attempts a dump off bounce pass to get himself out of trouble. Picks up his dribble at inopportune times. He's not an amazing ballhandler overall...he's a bit gumby like with his movements, he's a bit herky jerky, long strides, has a spin move he likes, and he has a good crossover that does gain him space, but he doesn't have incredible burst nor a special first step and he does not have a ton of advanced moves. He accelerates well and he will get to the rim off his own creation but he isn't always gonna create separation with his handle, and he can lose the ball while looking to create, he will have the ball stripped, and he's not always strong with the ball. He is good with the hostage dribble and keeping defenders on his back...he overall does a nice job with pace. He understands pace, he understands taking rhythm away from defenders, he does have an in-and-out move and he has pretty good control on these moves. He works his way to his spots both in the midrange and inside, in a somewhat deliberate way while still being decisive, but he will be stonewalled in the paint and on drives.
His cutting really is a special part of his game. He has awesome instincts as a cutter---he reads his defenders, and has great timing in concert with the offensive flow of the possession. He dives quickly to the basket. He's good for a few baskets a game as a cutter. He moves well off the ball in general and keeps the offense humming. Off ball screens, weaving through the defense, he stays active on the offensive end which helps keep defenses off balance.
Da Silva has an excellent ball fake. He draws fouls with it down low, and he freezes defenders with it on the perimeter which allows him to get past. He also has a jab step. He will change his stride length and draw contact on drives. He will change speeds and explode to the rim. He has a behind the back counter. He doesn't have a ton of dribble moves but does have a diversity of tools he will turn to, to get inside the paint. He overall has very good timing as a driver, which is what allows him to get inside. He uses the glass well and has opposite hand finishes in his disposal. He drives with both hands. Sometimes he'll try to bait a foul and throw up poor shots with no real chance of a finish. He will be swallowed up around the rim at times where his lack of elite athleticism/strength/ability to create space can come back to hurt him.
Da Silva really likes to use spinners, floaters and hooks around the rim. He gets good extension, has a lot of range as a finisher and will take shots from pretty far out and make them at a high rate. He has very nice touch on these shots. For a guy without tremendous halfcourt explosiveness, this is a very good skill for Da Silva to possess because it gives him an ability to beat contests and an ability to score at the rim even if he isn't able to get directly to it. He has a jump stop, eurostep at his disposal. He has a lot of craft as a creator and around the rim which allows him to be a solid overall finisher but not an elite one.
His comfort with the ball makes him a good transition player. He does well getting to and finishing against defenses that aren't set, at the rim. It also makes him good against closeouts. He can be a little passive at times, which is a drawback many have had of him over the years. When decisive, he does a good job taking advantage of scrambling defenses in both the halfcourt and in transition. The coordination with the ball and the fact he takes long strides allows him to get to the rim quickly in these possessions. It also aids him as a PnR ballhandler.
Da Silva will use his size to his advantage in the post. He turns some drives into post-ups. He will find cutters and shooters from the post as a passer. He'll hit turnarounds, he'll turn in and finish with layups, he'll turn to the middle and take hook shots and floaters. He has nice touch on these shots and has nice footwork in the post and doesn't get rushed. He's someone that can take advantage of switches down low which is an important wrinkle for a forward these days.
Tristan Da Silva has elicited a lot of conversation on this board the last several days. I see him as a guy who is underrated and overrated from person to person. The truth is usually somewhere in the middle. He's an interesting talent, and he's got the framework of a player who has the skills teams look for in a swing forward today, but not every dot connects. But with his shooting and all around versatile skill set on the offensive end and he having real switchability possibilities defensively, he's someone who is viewed by most as a guy with a pretty high floor.
I'm a little bit...I'm not sure what to think honestly. I'll leave it to y'all. Are you all Thumbs Up, Down, or Across on Tristan Da Silva?

Disclaimer: the audience for this post is people who are familiar with Homeworld. I've put hundreds of hours into all the games across the series. I'm going to assume that you're familiar with the basic mechanics, story beats and tone of the original game.
Homeworld 3 has been out a few days now. Critic reviews are largely positive, and fan sentiment seems to be a mixed bag.
Personally, I give it a strong recommend. But I also understand some of the frustration: there are a few gameplay design decisions that I don't agree with that I'll get into later. Here's my detailed breakdown:

positive

graphics: amazing, no notes

• it's pretty. really, really pretty
• ships have lots of details and moving parts
• generally runs well on my mid-range computer, a few notable exceptions

camera: generally easy to control

• orbit camera still works as expected
• you can drive the camera around which gives additional flexibility
• dedicated controls for camera elevation

audio design: fantastic

• radio chatter is well done
• music is amazing (Paul Ruskay is back!)

movement & selection improvements

• right click on a 3d surface to move to a point
• sensors manager has helpful movement zones, similar to HW2
• select all damaged units in a single group with a button
• improved launch manager, easy to launch individual unit types

environmental improvements

• denser environments are tactically interesting

new unit types

• turrets are cool, can stick to most 3d surfaces

story and worldbuilding

• characters are generally well written
• engine cutscenes are nicely coreographed

roguelike mode (War Games)

• it's fun! and a great foundation for future content
• different starting loadouts are tactically significant
• semi-random upgrades encourage you to play differently

neutral

missing features from HW2

• no subsystem targeting
• no squadrons

different narrative tone

• CGI cutscenes instead of illustrations and line art
• more character-driven than previous games

tactical changes

• stances (aggressive/defensive/passive) are similar to HW: Remastered
• tactics (evasive/neutral/aggressive) have been removed
• "no formation" seems to fulfill a similar function to evasive tactics

miscellaneous

• some units very finicky to control
• cover system seems underutilized
• too many single-target abilities

negative

pacing & level design issues

• limited time at mission start to build and assign unit groups
• forced hyperspace: no time to collect resources or reconstitute after a mission
• pacing feels needlessly hectic

issues with camera & selection controls

• leaving sensors manager sometimes puts you behind objects
• superstructures can block unit selection
• right clicking on units in the main view does not deselect them
• some controls in hidden menus

discussion

A bit more detail on some of the points above:
neutral: missing features from HW2
I think the general sentiment is that few people liked squadrons in HW2. Subsystems were sort of cool but kind of annoying to target in the heat of battle. I don't really miss either of these features, personally.
neutral: different narrative tone
A lot of people seem to be up in arms about this. I have to say that the character-driven CGI cutscenes do add a bit of texture to the universe, but for me, it comes the expense of the kind of epic feel of the older titles. If you think about it, older games don't really have people as characters: the spaceships themselves are the characters.
Still, the in-engine cutscenes look great, with cool coreography. I wish they would have done more of this, it's more true to the original style.
neutral: too many single-target abilities
Why can't I shoot my charged beams at multiple enemies? Why can't I band-box to capture multiple ships at once? Not only would more multi-select abilies makes sense tactically, it would make things easier to control: it can be hard to pick out a single enemy from a big pile of ships.
neutral: some units finicky to control
I'm thinking of units like bombers. They have a cloaking ability, which doesn't always seem to work (maybe because one of them is still firing?). It's very frustrating when you *think* you enabled the cloaking device, only to have all your units wiped out 10 seconds later because the ability didn't actually trigger.
Movement and target selection can also be an issue. Again with bombers: they have an extremely long range, but will dive heedlessly toward the enemy at close range and get chewed up instead of turning around at a reasonable distance on their attack run. They also don't spread out their targets enough: they might drop two salvos of bombs on a target that would be destroyed by just one. Torpedo frigates are the opposite: they will try and keep a very large distance from the enemy, sometimes making it difficult to get them to go where you want them to go.
neutral: tactical changes from HW1
You can set a "stance" like in HW2, and this generally works better than in that game. Units don't run all over the map in a hyper-agressive way, and will generally stick close to units they're guarding.
However you can't set "tactics" independently like in HW1 or HW: Remastered. For example, you can't set your recon units to "evasive" to have them break formation and tie up enemy units in the same way you could in that game.
You can kind of approximate this with formations, though. If you set "no formation" then strike craft will manuever in an evasive way. It took me a while to figure this out: the game doesn't really teach this to you.
negative: pacing and level design
This is the most frustrating thing about the game, even more so because it's 100% fixable. All you would need to do is give players a little time at the beginning of a mission to build a few units and get their selection groups set up before starting mission timers.
Likewise, it would be really nice to have some cooldown time at the end of missions to collect resources and rebuild your fleet. The "forced hyperspace" is a really questionable gameplay design decision.
There's one mission in particular where you're defending a chokepoint against a large enemy fleet. By the end of the mission, your fleet is battered: I was playing on the hardest difficulty, and had no resources remaining. After the combat, there are wrecked ships everywhere that your resource collectors can salvage, but the mission ends before you can collect anything!
Instead, I had to start the next mission with no resources and a crippled fleet. There didn't seem to be any plot justification for this: it's like it's specifically designed to annoy players.
negative: issues with camera and selection controls
These issues are more minor. The first is that you can't deselect a unit directly by right-clicking. As far as I can tell, you can only do it in the unit overlay in the lower-left corner. But in that view, you can't tell which unit you're delecting, since it's just a box with a pile of ships.
The large environmental objects (superstructures) are also an obstacle to selection. This is a problem, since some levels take place in large hollow structures. You can see the units in sensor mode, but if you try to click on one and there's a solid object in the way, it won't select them. This is annoying, and it forces you to waste time rotating the camera around until the object is no longer in between you and the selection.
The sensors manager can also drop you in weird places when you exit back into the standard view, particularly if you've been zooming around. Sometimes there's a big object blocking your view. Hope they can patch this.
Finally, there are hidden controls that are hard to access. There's a whole context menu that you can only find by holding 'alt' and right clicking: I had to look this up online. The command to retire a ship is hidden in this menu. If you've played these series you know that 'retire' is actually a pretty important command: your population is capped and sometimes you need to retire some ships to make room for better ones.
a note on performance
The game mostly peformed well for my mid-range computer on high settings. A few large, open levels had performance issues: one level in the War Games mode which consists of a bunch of vertical structures and a very large map occasionally slowed to a crawl, and I had to turn down the settings.

Conclusion

The fact that I can strongly recommend this game in spite of the issues listed above is a testament to the quality of the engine that BBI has built. The minute-to-minute gameplay feels very solid and true to the series. With a few tweaks, I think they could really improve the pacing of the single-player game.
I have high hopes for the modding scene, given that the modding tools appear to be based on a customized version of the Unreal Engine. The roguelike mode is actually a blast, and I'd love to see where they go with it. New maps and mission objectives would be welcome. I haven't played it cooperatively but I'm eager to try.
I haven't played the skirmish mode yet, and I never played the older games competitively, so I've got no opinions there. Would love to hear more from others one what they think.
Also happy to clarify any points above, please feel free to ask.