Tattoo sayings wrist

My best friend is getting a tattoo from an artist who did a red ink test, told her she reacted and is only to have black ink work. Since red is the last reactive color. (I keep reading the opposite)
The artist themselves isn't the best, work wise, and feel like he's saying that just to get her money. She's planning 2 sleeves with him.
I'm just wondering if anyone else has experience with being allergic to ink. And would a different artist/brand of ink possibly help?

There's a girl in my old workplace I think about still frequently. I've never had so many mixed signals.
Context: Work together in a restaurant in Europe with live-in staff accommodation.
Me: 36, 5'7 150 pounds, used to be beautiful but my face has melted with age.
Her: 23/24 (had birthday) petite and slender, very quiet and softly spoken. Not outright antisocial but just struggles to think of things to say, much like myself. Lots of eye contact when we talk but little otherwise. She makes even less with others. All we ever did was make small talk really. Nose ring. Possible nipple ring.
Reasons she might like me: (in chronological order from arriving to quitting, first four are very mild)
Before we started a shift together and introduced myself, I pass her a couple of times on my induction. The first she mentions to her female friend she needs a haircut and the second time she has got a super low cut top on (never seen her wear it before or since).
We meet properly and I think it goes OK. I compliment her voice and she smiles. I compliment her again at the end and she brushes the front of her hair, looks pleased and slightly flustered.
The next 10 or so days nothing much at all happens we just make small talk like always and are nice to each other. I think I can see a nipple piercing but can never quite tell.
Came downstairs when I was working and asked if I wanted some small packets of chips she bought and didn't like. I say sure and give her some change.
OK here we go. I come down to start my shift and she catches me just before we go in. She is completely dolled up, with pink pigtails, and says her name tag has broke, rubbing her boob over her clothing where the tag should go. I just look and smile and go oh and walk off with a semi (sigh). She follows me into the dining room and says she has fixed it now. All my **** tier gane can manage is "have you got any tattoos" She rolls up her sleeve crazy quick and shows me one on her shoulder. I say it looks expensive and walk off. 2 mins later she wants to practise my waitering skills by pretending to be a customer. She sits at a table and I go "what can I get you, young lady? In my best flirty voice. I think a customer came in at that point so we stopped. *Later she pretends to through a pen at me with a big smile, she then walks over and gives it me. *She clocks me out my shift for me. Fin.
We were polishing cutlery in the back alone for the first time (she said the supervisor had sent her) and she said do you wanna listen to music, she puts Fantasy by Maria Carey on my phone?
Another colleague asked if I wanted to go for a walk with her dog, we did but she is a piss head and I have zero attraction. Two days later, I see X again and in the loudest voice I've ever heard her use, just blurts out I banged on the window and waved out you yesterday! I didn't see her. I just go should have knocked harder then and go into a different room briefly. She then sits next to me for a bit.
Next day says she waved again. Again I have missed it. Stands next to me during the fire drill.
She went home for her birthday and has gotten her nails done. They look nice and all, but she is constantly flaunting them at me (stroking the radiator, the clipboard whilst I'm next to her.) I say they look expensive, then remember I said the sane compliment about her tatt (sigh).
***Reasons she doesn't like me
*Has never ever touched me apart from accidental very brief, platonic fingehand touching when passing items to each other.
*Never brought up sexual topics/things once.
In two months has touched three other male coworkers once each, one on the back, the others pretending to dust *** off their uniform. The WEIRD thing was they were all just as I had entered the room? She went on a date with one of them before I started, but she said nothing happened, and him and the other guy displayed absolutely zero interest in her sexually at any time (didn't touch her back) He left about 1 week after I started.
She did go for at least one walk with thr guy and for drinks with him and supervisor. They invited her but not me. I saw them all and they spotted me and turned round and she waved briefly. I left shortly after.
Towards the end she wad pining (exaggeration but only just) for the supervisor guy when he's not there. I think she means it in a work context as she is put in charge when he's not there and struggles a lil bit because of her quietness. But what do I know?
I mentioned the kitchen staff thought I was gay, and she said "are you?" in a strange stern tone.
I leave job. I still have some feelings for her. I need closure (she had no socials I can contact her on).
Thanks for coming to my Tedtalk.

Howay lads (and ladies)!
Just a quick one, I had lived in Newcastle for 3 years and those were some of the best years of my life! I want to get a tattoo to reflect my love for the Toon and the Geordie people maybe by next year and I was thinking of getting 2 little magpies flying, to reflect the joy and happiness I got from my time at the toon.
(One for for Sorrow, Two for Joy)
Give me an honest opinion, would I be a right divvy cunt if I did it, or would would you say it's a good idea. And I'm also open to suggestions!
(I'm not getting the Newcastle emblem tatted on me as I support AC Milan so it would be weird if I got the Newcastle emblem tatted on me)).
(I'm not getting the Tyne bridge tatted on me cuz I was born and raised half way across the world from it)

As the title says, keeps cancelling kids when it’s meant to be my weekend with them. It used to be there sick or organising activities on my weekend but I started to call her out on both…now she has said the kids don’t wanna come. I called them and they were like robots on the phone with me, no doubt she was there listening to everything. It’s 10 years since we split and they always loved coming to stay with me. She listed a few bullshit reasons but I said why didn’t you discuss this with me previously during our phone calls previously but never got a response. I’m at a loss what to do?? Only option is Solictor spend a load of cash , wait a few months and at worst she will get a slap on the wrist. Went to the cops , they basically told me to fuck off . Felt really shit last week and honestly this is why men’s suicide is so high in Ireland , fucking sucks

As the title says, keeps cancelling kids when it’s meant to be my weekend with them. It used to be there sick or organising activities on my weekend but I started to call her out on both…now she has said the kids don’t wanna come. I called them and they were like robots on the phone with me, no doubt she was there listening to everything. It’s 10 years since we split and they always loved coming to stay with me. She listed a few bullshit reasons but I said why didn’t you discuss this with me previously during our phone calls previously but never got a response. I’m at a loss what to do?? Only option is Solictor spend a load of cash , wait a few months and at worst she will get a slap on the wrist. Went to the cops , they basically told me to fuck off . Felt really shit last week and honestly this is why men’s suicide is so high in Ireland , fucking sucks

Hey everyone! My name is River, and I'm on the hunt for a fantastic girl to get to know and spend quality time with. I'm not looking for anything super serious right off the bat, but rather a genuine connection and a solid friendship as a starting point. I want someone I can take out, hang out, and just enjoy each other's company. If things naturally progress into something romantic, that would be the icing on the cake! So, if you're up for some fun adventures and building a meaningful connection, let's make some unforgettable memories together!
Alright, let me give you a glimpse into who I am! Picture a 6-foot-1 guy with a short beard and a whole lot of tattoos. Cooking is my jam, and I can whip up some mouthwatering dishes that will make your taste buds dance. But that's not all, I also have a knack for mixing killer cocktails that will have you saying 'cheers' in no time! I thrive on spontaneity and love going on unplanned adventures that keep life exciting. And let's not forget about my legendary shower concerts that are guaranteed to make you laugh! 😂 Of course, I also enjoy those lazy days where we can cuddle up, watch movies, and indulge in some delicious junk food. So, if you're up for a mix of fun, flavor, and cozy moments, let's create some amazing memories together!
By the way, I have to admit that I'm not the best at talking about myself, so if there's anything else you'd like to know, just ask! I'm an open book. Also if you don’t mind, please add a selfie with your message, you’ll get one right back in return too! Let's keep the conversation going and get to know each other better. Looking forward to hearing from you!

As the title says, keeps cancelling kids when it’s meant to be my weekend with them. It used to be there sick or organising activities on my weekend but I started to call her out on both…now she has said the kids don’t wanna come. I called them and they were like robots on the phone with me, no doubt she was there listening to everything. It’s 10 years since we split and they always loved coming to stay with me. She listed a few bullshit reasons but I said why didn’t you discuss this with me previously during our phone calls previously but never got a response. I’m at a loss what to do?? Only option is Solictor spend a load of cash , wait a few months and at worst she will get a slap on the wrist. Went to the cops , they basically told me to fuck off . Felt really shit last week and honestly this is why men’s suicide is so high in Ireland , fucking sucks

Here. And I’d like to start by noticing that Steve Sailer is obviously Delicious Taco’s dad. Having said this.
Good episode. Lots of engagement which I suppose is a net positive for all involved. Obviously a lot of the injury stems from a distortion. The episode’s content fantasized and in fantasy warped into something constituting a threat (no, an outright assault) to the listener’s person. One can simply listen to the episode and see that some (in fact the bulk) of the negative responses are from people reacting to some spectral absent-presence rather than to what is actually being said over the course of the 2 hour long episode. The voices and the discourse have instead been shaped into sonic receptacle containing the reflection of something wildly ugly. Injuriously ugly.
Past few days have been brutal. Found myself doom-viewing the main sub, should know better at this age. Feels like I’ve been transmogrified into an absurd and wretched thing. Must've transgressed against a gnome or something. Fascinating to think about.
I would like nothing more than to shame you.
Miami Summer is a killer. Urine is blood-orange. And my mother deserves better sons.
Why would A&D do this?
Witnessing the rankest comments. In bygone age I’d found them tolerable. Having imagined them delivered by high society homosexual. A damned dandy; chubby, sinister, and flamboyant. Capri on a stick limply held between index and middle fingers, twirling wrist ash’ing on expensive Persian rug. The blurry ghosts of his mother and the kid brother who drowned in the pond all those years ago glaring at him from far-off corner. Clearing throat he launches into sing-song slander head peeling back cackling at his own wickedness. Vile and venomous but charming. Instead what we get is 30+ year old mentally-ill men. Men whose Twitter activity has atrophied their cock and balls. Genitals withering away like the Worker's State, in its place a gasping cloaca, worry not I can clock em from miles away. The odious cloaca-havers are soon joined by ruined drug-addled children and the other women. They talk about A&D in disgusting ways. This is unfair and nasty. I confess to being angry. Sweating blood-specked kerosene. Let the scent fill up the empty air between us. My wrath singeing those overgrown nose hairs.
Of the two I think Anna is the one that inspires the harshest parasocial spite. So much so that I’d recommend she take some protective measures against evil eye and tongue. Maybe take baths with hyssop herb, rose water perfume, and holy water.
It’s as if Anna Khachiyan is a Giant Floating Vagina with teeth and a noticeable overbite. Viewed from another angle it transforms into a Madonna encircled by cherubim. Perhaps we are cruel to Anna in order to be kind to our mothers.
All very pre-Oedipal.
Had to step back and parse it out. Anna draws a comparison between herself and Sailer while also asking him a great question,
07:12-07:49
Anna: “I started reading it during the pandemic because it was the pandemic. I was pregnant and bored and I really relate to you as a person who everyone thinks is like evil and monstrous on the internet, but is actually like quite agreeable and mild mannered in real life. And I was going to ask you this question last, but I may as well just ask it now. How do you feel about your new found popularity? And especially, how do you feel about the fact that you have been effectively adopted by or identified with the hard right?”
The first part of the above extract, the sympathetic recognition, brings to mind a bit of 20th century Hermetic theory concerning harmful thought-forms. Our unconscious self-destructive impulses animating the fantasy-phantasm of the other. Inhabiting their shape. Gaining a degree of autonomy. This artificial entity is vampiric by default, provoking what the Czech magician Franz Bardon calls a "magical persecutory complex"... He goes into detail about such entities in Step VI of his seminal work, Initiation into Hermetics. Describing different types of artificial elementals and phantasms along with details on how to consciously go about creating and dissipating them. One of those artificial psychic entities, the one that concerns us, he calls the schemata. Bardon details two variants, one connected with paranoid persecutory fantasies and the other with erotic obsession. The first type comes about when someone who is “easily excitable, easily influenced or self-important” (Narcissist?) has a run in with another person who has, to put it mildly, a memorable visage and dark personality. The schemata is born from the phantasm modeled after this demonic-looking disagreeable person. The victim begins to attribute all kinds of minor inconveniences to the influence of the ugly person. Deludes themselves into thinking that the ugly/disagreeable person is a powerful black magician. Everything appears to reinforce their paranoid delusions. The schema grows in power feeding off the anxieties of their creatohost. The person might end up committing suicide. This was the persecutory schemas desire, having achieved its goal Bardon notes, “how great is the shock when such a spirit realizes on the mental plane that he has committed a very successful magical suicide. What a bitter disappointment! The demonic looking person, however, has no idea what happened; he was actually only the means to an end.”
God gave us eyes so that we might notice things.
The way I see it:
Being social animals the subject of our fantasy, of our fixations, is the fantasy of the other. What makes the human Human is not that we desire but rather that we desire the desire of the other. An excess desire. We fantasize about what the other is fantasizing and enjoying. Our fantasy of the fantasy of the other is the outlines a fundamental lack within our person, a negativity. Experienced as a splitting of consciousness. Intuiting this lack, becoming aware of it, and attempting to articulate it, we are self-consciousness. This negativity or void is in psychoanalytic terms, the unconscious. We likewise intuit that there had once been some original state. One without lack and contradiction. A state of fullness, without the division between self and object. A harmonious whole. A pure consciousness or as Freud refers to it in Civilization and its Discontents an oceanic feeling. The Original Desire, one that is authentically my own, which was not the desire of the other but which unites our desires in itself. This desire is the extinction of all desires.
The eye that perceives the lovely is at once the eye that perceives what I lack. Perceiving this lack, which explains my present condition, I covet. This is an evil eye. The lover’s gaze is of the same type as the infirm or pathic gaze. Reminded of Zizek’s formulation of one of Hegel’s insights, “Evil resides in the very gaze which perceives Evil all around itself" itself a variation of Meister Eckhart’s “the eye through which I see God is the same eye through which God sees me.” The recognition of evil, the ability to see and judge evil, stems from our ability to recognize disparity. This disparity is already present within our own person, the split-consciousness. The feeling cognized, the awareness of our condition as beings separated from the whole. The clairvoyance of the tyrant and the philosopher.
Suppose that psychopathology is born from our inability to recognize an image as an image.
I intuit something more in this person, something they’re hiding. It can’t just be envy, no. It has to be because I can feel that this thing they’re hiding is sinister. It can’t just be that I feel animosity towards this person, no. It has to be because this person is evil and not just an isolated evil but rather a symptom of a much larger evil. An evil that is responsible for all the suffering in the World, for why my World isn’t the way it should be. It can’t just be attraction, no. It has to be that I intuit something more in this person, something hidden, that I must destroy in order to go on living.
If vile shit comes to mind (as vile things often do, especially when one is immersed in ambient algorithmically-summoned vileness, namely outrage and atrocity porn) they won't affirm it to themselves or try to justify or rationalize it or present it as a rational political stance. And they don’t abstract this particular form of vileness into the primary lens through which they view and interpret cultural phenomena. Unreflexive racial animosity is ugly and fetid. We’re capable of recognizing it, feeling it, as something pathological. We’re also capable of laughing at it. Laughing at ourselves. Look at what our ladies have to say about Stuart Seldowitz (the dude who went viral harassing a halal street vendor) in I’ll Be Missinger. “He sucks,” “he’s a loser,” “he’s obviously sick,” and that he gives the impression of someone who lives alone, will die alone, and will be found weeks or even months after the fact.
Perhaps Red Scare is special in how it manages to elicit absurd, wildly inappropriate responses from listeners. Vulgar and revelatory was it? Steve Sailer elicits a similar response and has become an expert in turning said absurd reactions to his advantage. Generally the cooler-head in any given exchange. While the other person shouts obscenities at a ghost, smashing fists against the post, looking crazy, like a proper hysteric. Sailer breaks the fourth-wall, making eye-contact with the would-be noticer, with a little shake of the head, a little chuckle, a little shrug… “you’re noticing right? See what I have to put up with? Imagine these people defining my legacy.” Still he seems to take it with the good humor of an uncle who will still call you on your birthday, despite your drunken outburst during holiday get-together he will admit to not having resisted the temptation to provoke you, it use to be fun, recall all the cool bands I introduced you too? We use to be best buds, “do you really think anything I’ve said merits this sort of response? Honestly?”
Has to be a cheap trick. A technique employed by an old trickster in decades long honing of craft. Maybe not. Maybe what we see is precisely what we get. Most of the very upsetting things being jokes sincerely intended to lighten the mood. Steve Sailer doesn’t care about the particular political orientation of his audience. He just cares that he has an audience. Grateful for the fans he has. Nonetheless happy that they’re not seething malcontent racists. Even if one disagrees with the methodology, the heuristic, the conclusions. That’s secondary, perhaps even tertiary to the recognition sought. His craftsmanship as a writer.
Why I loved his conflict with Will Stancil. Stancil inspired a lot of pondering for me. Putting things in place…
01:29:22-01:29:28
Anna: “You come for the race science and stay for the prose-styling and vivid story-telling.”
In trying to survive as a writer exiled from Mainstream Conservative media (ConInc) during the Bush Jr years. In fact, correct me if I’m wrong but the cancelation that actually impacted Steve Sailer, setting him down the path we find him in, was brought about not by blue-haired hall monitor millennial leftists but by his “fellow” Conservatives. I imagine that he just went with whoever was willing to take him adapting to the editorial standards and audience sensibilities of the publications willing to provide him succor. Not charity mind you but an ability to engage in his own little labor of love.
Read some Sailer. Might get into that later. But that’s the initial impression I got from Steve. Would be utterly mortified if memorialized as a Racialist Ideologue rather than as an entertaining and thought-provoking journalist. Think I also benefited from seeing how he’s actually received by people who are navigating through (or in certain cases, are mired in) the marginal “Hard Right”-spaces or the Rightwing Digital Ghetto. End up realizing that he isn’t hateful, that what you see is precisely what you get, that he privileges craft over ideology, that his reception and exile from Neocon dominated media outlets (remember these are the people gushing ecstatic over the US invasion of Iraq, manufacturing consent for our adventures in the Middle East) was exceedingly unfair but that he nonetheless managed to persevere. And that he really never goes beyond Norm McDonald in terms of his sardonic wit or The Boondocks animated series in terms of his criticisms. His normality is a great source of stability and comfort for his readers; “noticing” and speculating about these topics doesn’t necessarily lead to one becoming a seething racist.
Returning for a moment to Will Stancil, this was what he inspired:
As the last man standing I spend countless hours immersed in detailed fantasies about the coming apocalypse and my enemy's bliss. A dumb and wicked happiness proportional to my suffering. Easy to imagine other people happy. Hearts unbroken. Unburdened, hydrated, sexually satisfied, debt-free, lucky, successful in all business endeavors. Brute, jezebel, schemer, parasite, rival, betrayer... the whole lot of them thriving. Frolicking in my mind's eye. When the time comes I won't forget that they were happy while...others...suffered.
Find that trying to void your mind of all thought or sit perfectly still for 10 minutes. End up feeling like something requires much less energy from us than nothing. Causes coalescing. Conspiring, to what ends?
You see. The very same principle appears to be at work here. Same pathological base that undergirds genuine racial or ethnic animosity. Fantasizing about the other’s enjoyment and being unable to distinguish between the persecutory Phantasm and the actual human being whose shape it appropriates.
Had a friend recommend forgetting. Forgetting is a dialectical exercise, first you have to acknowledge the thing living rent free in your head and acknowledge its origins... then you have to take the steps to stop feeding it. Letting the thought-form dissolve. Let it be put to rest. Reminded of the practice Orthodox Christian contemplatives call Nepsis.
Other approaches as well, acknowledging the presence of anima veiled in shadow.
But listen…
The podcasts I consume, are a reflection of me as a person. Being what I associate and consume. What does it say about me in particular? Reveal about me? That they should have Steve Sailer on the pod. Settling down. Perhaps some responses could be understood in this light. That a Sailer episode reflects poorly on the listener. Constituting a great betrayal of the love and energy and time I have dedicated over the years to you.
I’m not a racist.
Show me your likes on Twitter and I’ll tell you who you are. The most punitive and brutal god. The idea of the AI nu-god being this, utilizing that standard, is horrifying. Show me your likes on Twitter and I’ll tell you who you are, everything you are, and whether or not you qualify to live.
Shamed, I quietly remove the upvote I gave to the hysterical person and the downvote I gave to him.
Hysteria like a yawn is an empathic contagion.
Back to Anna it’s not because she’s ugly and it sucks that she might nurse this delusion. I actually think Anna is really pretty. Rather I think it’s because she’s a mom. She registers as a maternal figure. That’s one of the reasons I think people respond to her the way they do. As stated earlier. We are cruel to Anna in order to forgive our moms.
[To be continued: Wherein I say horrible things that should never be said to the people I claim to love. Will also interrogate Sailor Socialism]

The EXTREMELY detailed, mega-anxiety edition!!! Major events like consult and surgery day are labeled like this:
——— EVENT TITLE ———
Surgeon was Dr. David Whitehead and I saw him on Long Island (New Hyde)
Summarized list of major dates:
Consult: July 19 2023 Mental health letter acquired: August 9 Dates discussed: September 12 Pre-op appointment: December 18 Surgery day: January 8 2024 Post-op: January 17
November 11th 2022: Emailed northwell health for the first time, they emailed back saying to call. I was too anxious so I avoided it for a few months.
Called northwell a few months later but got too anxious talking to the person who picked up. They were being normal and talking normally, it was just personal anxiety on my part.
October 2022 - Early March 2023: Spent time talking to trans friends and family members about their timelines and processes for top surgery.
Looked into Penn medicine for a bit but wasn’t happy with the surgeons there, specifically as a nonbinary person. The patient navigational team however is lovely.
March 2: emailed Penn health patient navigation
March 3-10: correspondence and phone calls w patient navigation (absolutely wonderful people, some of the easiest phone calls I’ve ever had) Got lots of into on surgeons, things I’d need, processes etc.
Date unknown: phone call to Penn medicine asking about surgeons and possibly setting up as a patient (v long wait time on phone) Surgeon I had heard good things about only works w CHOP program and I’m was too old for that program. Other surgeons I was v iffy on.
March 23rd: Back to square 1. Called northwell again to set up an appointment. Everyone I spoke to was really nice. Could have set up an appointment within the week but decided to wait till the end of the semester. Scheduled a trans care and primary care appointment for May
Couple of calls In between for confirmations. Trans care appointment got moved around a bit and ended up being moved to a phone call.
May 8th: Trans care call: Basic preliminary questions like: Emergency contact, what you’re looking for, are you thinking of looking into hormones, experience w dysphoria or dysmorphia, mental health, and eating/nutritional concerns, things you might want doc to know, piercings or tattoos, do you do any drugs or drink often, etc. total call time was about 20 minutes. Doctor was incredibly kind, I still experienced a good deal of anxiety but the call was super easy, welcoming, and friendly. Got sent contact referrals for the surgeons, as well as trans-friendly therapists under my insurance.
May 9th: started looking at list of therapists and making respective emails and calls. Checking per session costs and double checking insurance. Most charge 100-150 per session. Got in contact w one.
May 10th: Called w first therapist talking about what I’m looking for, where I am in this process, if parents are supportive, and talking about costs. She was very friendly and affirming, wants to have a few sessions to get to know me and my situation before writing a letter. Understandable and expected, but frustrating.
May 15th: Primary care appointment: Went to northwell health primary care, parkinglot was a little scary (just a large lot with a lot of cars) but everyone working there’s is super kind. Office is incredibly affirming, pride flags and lgbtq+ art everywhere. Gave my insurance card, filled out some paper work, got called in pretty quickly. I have a needle phobia and medical trauma so I was panicking a bit in the office, nurse was good w me about it and doctor was very kind, I just requested to not have any blood work done that day and that was totally fine, so I could schedule that at a later date and go w a friend. Recommended to get blood work done before scheduling a consult w a surgeon. Also prescribed me a single dose anxiety med for the bloodwork which I was very happy about. I found over time that the anxiety meds unfortunately do little to nothing for my panic attacks personally when it comes to needles but regardless having a doctor acknowledge and respect that fear and listen to me was incredibly helpful and reassuring.
May 30th: Got blood work done in a different lab, went w a friend. Scheduling for that is super easy, I think I did it online actually I don’t entirely recall. they do take walk ins but I made an appointment to minimize complications and make sure I could prepare properly. Front desk/lobby area was a little spooky, but I think that is mainly just bc of my social anxiety. They take a urine sample, you give them your prescription, eventually they call you over for blood work. Quick and easy, tech was v nice and having a friend with me was incredibly helpful. Probably the best I’ve ever done with a needle despite the fact that I did still panic and get very lightheaded lol.
Got blood work results back within the next couple days, all looks a-okay! Neat :)
June 15th This day was incredibly difficult. I had my first session with a therapist to establish some ground knowledge around my dysphoria and the way that I view myself. Top surgery is something that I know from research and related experience Can be difficult and expensive to get and can take time, so much of my prep work has been on the understanding of taking things a step at a time and just knowing that the current way things are doesn’t have to be forever. It allowed me to be able to live with myself while prioritizing my health better. This read to the therapist as “not having the level of dysphoria [she’s] come to expect and look for in someone who is trans” and was largely based off the fact that I don’t want to go on hrt. Past that point I started to break down because now my method of learning to live with myself felt like it was actively going to work against me and prevent me from getting top surgery. I’m not good at talking about my dysphoria, I can’t imagine it’s easy for anyone, especially to a stranger I just met. It was rough, and I felt incredibly mentally drained after ending the session.
June 19th Called it quits with the first therapist, I felt incredibly disrespected and the one session we had put me in a mental spiral for days. It can feel some times in this process like the people you have to get permission from need you to be severely depressed and unable to wait another second for this procedure just in order to take you seriously.
After I left that therapist, I immediately got back to the list to find someone new. Spoke to a new therapist via email, but my insurance is kinda weird (Blue Cross Blue Shield out of state) so its off putting to some people. This therapist recommended I go through the office she started out at (Heart and Soul Counseling)
————- Time Skip ——————
IM BACK its time for some record keeping. Got super overwhelmed and lost the energy to document my process for some time so here goes.
HEART AND SOUL COUNSELING: My experience w/ this therapy office was mostly good. The person in charge, Jesse, was absolutely lovely and responsive. Never spoke in person, but any text/email interaction was prompt, respectful, and kind. The office is stellar with email/text communication, so I only ever had to call them once when I was initially inquiring about the office. This is something I wish all therapy/counseling centers did better, eliminated a ton of my anxiety and hesitation to speak to therapists.
I got set up w someone as quickly as possible and established what my goal was (to acquire letter document for my surgery team). I attended multiple session w the therapist, she was a kind lady but the sessions were unfortunately p miserable for me. We didn’t fit well, but I was willing to stick it out rather than backtrack on my process. She also did not invalidate me or accuse me of not being trans which was a major step up from my first therapy experience. Once I acquired my letter I did stop therapy there, I kindly explained to the therapist that it wasn’t a good match, but I may honestly explore my options at the office in the future. Receptionist there was also lovely and they had a cool fish tank.
———- CONSULT STARTS HERE —————
July 19th: CONSULT!!! My mama and I went to Dr. David Whiteheads office for a consult. Parking was a nightmare so I’m super glad I didn’t have to drive for this one (ty mama). Consult went really well, and the staff were all super friendly. Dr. Whitehead is cool, very chill energy and a bit intimidating, but I’m scared of everyone so that’s nothing new. First question he asked me is what I wanted/what he could do for me which caught me more off guard than it should have? I didn’t realize going into this process how many times people ask you what you’re having done even if it’s already written down, because there’s so much variety in what you can look for in the results.
We talked about the procedure, went through a slideshow n stuff, and discussed how I wanted a flat chest w/ no nipple preservation. They made sure to specify that my mental health professional letter had to include that I did not want nipple preservation because thats technically a “non-standard” appearance. Also had the first breast exam I’ve ever had in my life. Can’t say i’m a fan (not that I need to worry about that anymore!) Took pictures n measurements n such, and also discussed recovery supplies and care w me and my mom.
August 9th: After a plethora of painfully awkward therapy sessions, a decent amount of crying, and a couple breakdowns in friends cars/backyards, I got my therapist letter and sent it to the surgeons office. It ended up needing minor revisions to which I contacted Jesse from Heart and Soul and he got me the revised letter immediately. Unfortunately the surgical coordinator was out of office for the rest of the month the next day ;w;. Is how it be.
September 12th: Got a call from Surgical coordinator mid-painting class that I stepped out to take. Started discussing surgical dates!! She was kind enough to email the dates to me which was lovely because I was absolutely shaking/mind blank haha. There was an option for January 8th which felt like an absolute miracle the way it would work with my school schedule. It would give me a solid two weeks recovery time before spring semester began. Because it would be a couple months out, I was asked to contact her in the second week of October to submit documents to insurance.
(Timeline note: earliest date offered was in early December)
October 10th: Documents sent to insurance, predetermination started
October 30th: Received mail from my insurance approving my procedure as medically necessary (YAY) But! This is also where things get,,, fun! Dr Whitehead’s surgical coordinator, Alyssa, is a blessing and was very helpful and prompt with me despite the fact that I had to email her pretty constantly during this general time which I still feel bad about.
Around this time, my mom got diagnosed with breast cancer, which I reported to the surgical coordinator because it influences my family history (grandmother also had breast cancer). It was asked that I get genetic testing done because this could impact my surgical procedure. Now I’m handling the setup on this between helping my mom in her process setting up consults and considering her options because there of course is a lot of crossover to the steps I’ve already completed and am familiar with.
November 1st: Very kind person at cancer genetics calls me, sends me a family history questionnaire to fill out before I can be scheduled to see a genetic counselor. Filled out the questionnaire the same day.
November 8th: Called cancer genetics to check about scheduling, office was not open so left a message. Got a call back later in the day. I have a virtual appointment with a Genetic counselor Tuesday the 14th. Current plan is a mailed saliva genetic test but I’m going to ask if theres anything I can do to get results/materials quicker. If I can’t get results/feedback by December 8th my surgery date may get deferred.
Trying not to stress too much because there is little to nothing I can do about this, and I just don’t want to be sad. I’ve kept telling myself throughout this process to not get excited and not let myself believe anything is solid because something could happen at any time that might mess up my schedule or plan, and If I convince myself I’m in the clear, those changes will hurt a lot more. So far I think thats been a good move, because this really sucks.
My surgery date is still officially scheduled as of now as well as my first post-op. I will also ideally have pre-surgical testing done December 18th should I be cleared by genetics in time (Fingers crossed!)
ALSO! Def lean on friends if/when you can during this process. It can absolutely be challenging, and having a support system is incredibly important and helpful. I’m super lucky to have really lovely and supportive friends that are around to listen to me and send me pictures of stupid little animals.
November 9th: My mama is scheduled for her double mastectomy on December 4th
November 10th: Did some shopping with my mama for recovery supplies for double mastectomy/top surgery. Having watched a million and a half transition/top surgery videos and tiktoks and having read all the blogs and posts and tweets makes you a great support for someone suddenly faced with an upcoming double mastectomy! We might go shopping this weekend for some button ups and zip ups for her, clothes shopping is better done when you can try stuff on
November 14th: Meeting w genetic counselor: Victoria Webb, one of the loveliest medical care workers I’ve ever met. Had a virtual appointment with her to discuss and set up genetic testing. I explained to her about my situation w the proximity of my surgery and tight deadline as well as my willingness to do a blood test instead of a saliva kit to get results quicker. She was so incredibly kind and good with me, ended up being able to do a saliva kit and get results in time she deserves every good thing in life.
December 18th: pre-surgical testing: This was at the main hospital, everyone was really nice but I had a really bad panic attack despite being on Xanax.
The process is sort of like getting a physical. Measurements like weight and blood pressure get taken, lots of preliminary health questions. The people working with me were really kind and I was very open with them about my anxiety, it was visually apparent though anyway because I started crying the second we even started talking about the blood draw.
Once the equipment was actually brought into the room I started to panic. Both of the women working with me were really kind and helpful and tried to distract me and keep me talking the entire time, but I did still have a really horrible panic attack. Every muscle in my body locked up and I lost all my color, took a bit to get back to a spot where I could move and talk properly because my speech was affected too. It was a bit scary but funny to think about in post. Thanked the medical staff for being patient w me as always, a good portion of the anxiety is also guilt about making things harder for them. Got through it tho. Def eat before presurgical if allowed, I didn’t and that probably didn’t help!!
———- SURGERY DAY ————-
January 8th:
Ok so surgery day:
This day was very scary. Got my phone call the Friday prior for my surgery time which ended up being 1pm and I was asked to arrive around 11. Got there at 10 and went in at 10:30.
Called up to check in then in waiting room till someone brought me back to change. I told her right away about my anxiety with the iv bc that’s legit all I could think about. Got changed right after. I was generally shaky and a little disoriented the entire time because I was panicking but everyone was very patient with me. Clothes and belongings go in a bag in a locker and you get two gowns one that faces back and one that faces front. I was given underwear and a pad as well because lucky me I got my period a couple days before my surgery.
The pre-op area is a lot of little cubicles with curtain divider things, blue soft chairs, and medical equipment. Everyone I met and spoke to was very kind, but any time someone even suggested starting my iv I would panic. I was informed it would have to be placed in my hand and that terrified me, I’m especially anxious and sensitive about my hands and fingers. I think doctors and nurses tend to misunderstand exactly where my fear is with needles and ivs. It isn’t the pain that scares me, but the concept of veins and and anything being in them. Even writing this right now is horrible so I’m going to stop w any further detail. I spent the entire two-ish hours of pre-op absolutely terrified about this iv.
I wasn’t really keeping track of time but dr whitehead came in to do markings for surgery. They had cool rainbow socks on,big fan. Having your chest drawn on and just like, moved around n shit is such an experience. Felt bad because I kept losing my balance but doctor Whitehead is cool and I am 98% less scared about them now.
Probably my most favorite person I met during my entire hospital experience was the anesthesiologist. I know he told me what his name was but I couldn’t focus on or retain information at the time. He told me we could essentially put me to sleep with gas before putting the iv in and for the first time in probably a solid week I felt like I could calm down a little. He took a look at my hand and arm to check my veins which always does freak me out a bit but I’m more used to that kind of thing at this point and I know nothing bad is going to happen. One of the nurses came in with the iv equipment and he let her know that were going to wait till in the or which was also incredibly helpful because I absolutely panicked when I saw that little supply kit again.
V nice lady brought me into the or, I’d never been in one before it was cool. They had a little music speaker which was really cool. Took off blue jacket gown and they helped me onto the table. They put a warm blanket over my legs and my chest to help me calm down. Before long they gave me a mask w fun happy sleepy time gas, they let me keep my arms on my chest for a while which was really nice because I was still scared. I started getting loopy pretty fast but I still heard when someone mentioned where the iv equipment was and panicked a little because of that. I remember feeling them take my hand for that but never actually felt anything happen. Just some fear but the gas was v helpful obvi. Someone said they would see me in a little bit, and then I was groggily waking up in recovery.
Recovery was a little rough bc the iv was still there (fully wrapped up so I couldn’t see it though which was rad) but I was still really anxious about it until it was taken out and when it was taken out. For anyone that struggles w this i did not feel them remove it, just the tape. Everything was mentally much easier after that. After a while, going over instructions w parents, a cracker , some ginger ale and some juice, my dad helped me Get dressed and I was helped out to the car in a wheel chair. Ride was smooth bc of remaining numbness and meds except a few Bumps in the road
TOP SURGERY GOTTEN
My post op date was scheduled for Jan 17th and that’s the day I got my drains out followed by several post op check-ins. First week of recovery was miserable but things exponentially approved each day past that, and I went back to school in person two weeks post-op with driving and item-carrying assistance from friends!
Will upload recovery notes at a later date! Feel free to message me with any questions, more than happy to answer and give info! I’m a bit over four months out from surgery now and thriving 🥳

Anyone else tired of playing with people who use the glitch where you buy a ton of nukes, wrist devices, etc? Can the developers fix this? I’m tired of playing with people who can only win by using a glitch.
To be abundantly clear, I’m not saying that people who use glitches are bad people, i have nothing personally against them, I just don’t want to cheat to win or be on a team that cheats to win. Just want to play the game with some tegridy and have a good time.

What am I looking for? Well mostly for someone to speak to on a consistent basis who I gel well and get along with well.
As for myself I am a blunt and honest person so if you ask me something and want a straight answer I'm your guy for giving an honest assessment even if you don't like it. That being said I am kind and caring and will ask about your day and life and anything going on I can help with I will offer.
In terms of my hobbies or interests I am a massive animal lover, this can be confirmed by my cats at home my snake and the dog! All of whom live in perfect harmony and who I never want to turn into tea cosy's for meowing at 4am...
I am also a gamer, I play my pc mostly which is my main source of entertainment however I also have access to my switch and my ps4 in case the mood takes me! I am also a big board gamer these days which I must say i enjoy alot!
I am a gym goer and do enjoy a good strength session for sure.
Music is also something I love, very into my rock music and a lot of the old west coast rap music right now.
Tattoos! Several pieces of art on my body including a Bowser and a Pokémon tattoos, yes I display my nerdiness proudly!
I am also in the process of a complete change in my career which is really exciting for me !!
If you fancy a chat about anything above or anything in general come and say Hi!

What am I looking for? Well mostly for someone to speak to on a consistent basis who I gel well and get along with well.
As for myself I am a blunt and honest person so if you ask me something and want a straight answer I'm your guy for giving an honest assessment even if you don't like it. That being said I am kind and caring and will ask about your day and life and anything going on I can help with I will offer.
In terms of my hobbies or interests I am a massive animal lover, this can be confirmed by my cats at home my snake and the dog! All of whom live in perfect harmony and who I never want to turn into tea cosy's for meowing at 4am...
I am also a gamer, I play my pc mostly which is my main source of entertainment however I also have access to my switch and my ps4 in case the mood takes me! I am also a big board gamer these days which I must say i enjoy alot!
I am a gym goer and do enjoy a good strength session for sure.
Music is also something I love, very into my rock music and a lot of the old west coast rap music right now.
Tattoos! Several pieces of art on my body including a Bowser and a Pokémon tattoos, yes I display my nerdiness proudly!
I am also in the process of a complete change in my career which is really exciting for me !!
If you fancy a chat about anything above or anything in general come and say Hi!

What am I looking for? Well mostly for someone to speak to on a consistent basis who I gel well and get along with well.
As for myself I am a blunt and honest person so if you ask me something and want a straight answer I'm your guy for giving an honest assessment even if you don't like it. That being said I am kind and caring and will ask about your day and life and anything going on I can help with I will offer.
In terms of my hobbies or interests I am a massive animal lover, this can be confirmed by my cats at home my snake and the dog! All of whom live in perfect harmony and who I never want to turn into tea cosy's for meowing at 4am...
I am also a gamer, I play my pc mostly which is my main source of entertainment however I also have access to my switch and my ps4 in case the mood takes me! I am also a big board gamer these days which I must say i enjoy alot!
I am a gym goer and do enjoy a good strength session for sure.
Music is also something I love, very into my rock music and a lot of the old west coast rap music right now.
Tattoos! Several pieces of art on my body including a Bowser and a Pokémon tattoos, yes I display my nerdiness proudly!
I am also in the process of a complete change in my career which is really exciting for me !!
If you fancy a chat about anything above or anything in general come and say Hi!

What am I looking for? Well mostly for someone to speak to on a consistent basis who I gel well and get along with well.
As for myself I am a blunt and honest person so if you ask me something and want a straight answer I'm your guy for giving an honest assessment even if you don't like it. That being said I am kind and caring and will ask about your day and life and anything going on I can help with I will offer.
In terms of my hobbies or interests I am a massive animal lover, this can be confirmed by my cats at home my snake and the dog! All of whom live in perfect harmony and who I never want to turn into tea cosy's for meowing at 4am...
I am also a gamer, I play my pc mostly which is my main source of entertainment however I also have access to my switch and my ps4 in case the mood takes me! I am also a big board gamer these days which I must say i enjoy alot!
I am a gym goer and do enjoy a good strength session for sure.
Music is also something I love, very into my rock music and a lot of the old west coast rap music right now.
Tattoos! Several pieces of art on my body including a Bowser and a Pokémon tattoos, yes I display my nerdiness proudly!
I am also in the process of a complete change in my career which is really exciting for me !!
If you fancy a chat about anything above or anything in general come and say Hi!

Hey Reddit, AITA for abandoning my best friend on her death bed? I need some perspective on a situation that's been eating away at me. Strap in, because it's a wild ride. So, picture this: I'm a 21-year-old female, part of a tight-knit group of friends. One of us, let's call her Lily, was dealing with some health issues. She is the kind of person who falls sick frequently so we were pretty used to it. This one time she calls all of us from her home saying that she’s been diagnosed with ALS. It took a toll on everyone from the group. We all started crying and having mental breakdowns because the thought of losing our best friend was unbearable. She even mentioned that the only cure for it is a surgery which is very rare and has been performed on only 4 people till now and all of them have died. We tried to be there for her, offering support and care as best we could. We started to get more concerned when she mentioned that her chances of survival are only 15%. Everything was going great and suddenly she started showing symptoms which got all of us very worried. As the days passed , the details of her condition kept changing and her behavior became more erratic, doubts started to creep in. the fact that no one in the university ( doctors ) knew about her condition bothered us . She comes from a very loving family hence her family not being concerned about such a big disease bothered us . She was not even going for physical therapy or taking any medication for the upcoming surgery. She had asked us not to tell anyone about her condition but she proceeded to tell the most irrelevant people about her condition as if she was trying to gain sympathy. This is when we decided to take matter in our own hands . We called her mom , we mentioned how we are concerned about her health and want to know what’s exactly the scenario. That’s when we were slapped by the reality as her mom had no clue what ALS is or what surgery she is talking about. Things started to make sense and we decided to confront her . The day of the confrontation didn’t go as planned . She kept on screaming and called her mother a pathological liar. Then came the date of the surgery. We were on summer break at that time but she didn’t miss a chance to send personal messages to everyone saying how much she loves us .But the next day? She's out partying and getting tattoos to cover up the marks. Talk about a plot twist. Feeling blindsided and betrayed, we began to distance ourselves from Lily. It wasn't just about the surgery shenanigans – she'd been spreading rumors and betraying our trust for her own gain. It felt like the friendship we cherished had been built on a foundation of lies. But now, here's where I need your judgment, Reddit. Am I the asshole for pulling away from my best friend in her time of need? I feel like I've been through the emotional wringer, but part of me wonders if I'm being too harsh. So, lay it on me. AITA?

Am I being ungrateful?
26f have been married to my husband 28M for three years. We have two kids together under 3 years old. Are marriage has been in a rough spot since having kids. Ever Mother’s Day has not gone to plan. My first Mother’s Day we got Covid and didn’t celebrate. Last year my husband spent what was supposed to be money on a gift for me on a new tattoo. Leaving no money to buy me a gift.
This year was the most amount of energy he still put it but doesn’t feel like enough. He got me a picture frame but spelled “ mama” like “moma”. Plastic flowers, and a chocolate bar he let our toddler eat.
When I told him I was upset about the picture frame he said I always look at the negatives and he knew unless the day went perfect I would blame him for something.
He did take the kids in the morning so I could sleep in for about an hour longer but he forgot to take the baby monitor and didn’t hear the kids when waking up so I had to tell him he was awake so he could grab him. He took them out of the house for an hour to grab coffee and donuts. About 20 minutes later he called asking what coffee I like. ( we have been married for 3 years, together for almost 10) I wish he knew my coffee order because I get the same drink every time.
He spends HOURS in fantasy football, and his hobbies. I wish he put the same energy in gifts for me.
I think it’s important to also add that I have dyslexia. I struggle with spelling and I still make sure to not make spelling errors when making cards for family or friends.
I feel like even when he tries to put energy into the relationship it’s still not enough and when I try to bring it up he says I’m too negative and don’t focus on the positives.

I have a university degree in graphic design and although I don't really enjoy GD per say I love illustration and animation. I've been a freelance illustrator for a few years but haven't really had much work on. Have been doing barestaurant work part time to pay the bills. This was okay as I was slowly progressing with my work and getting better and better at it. Ideal job would probably be some kind of illustrator or concept/developmental artist for games.
In janurary i got diagnosed with something that makes bar&restaurant work near on impossible for me due to the pain. I need something non physical and ideally remote. A remote graphic design or illustration job would be literally perfect but I've been applying for jobs in it for around a year and have only had one interview.
My partner earns around 50k and I really am just aiming for anything above 21k right now to get into the industry. Been applying for junior roles even though I'd place myself higher than that and even those I'm not hearing back on.
Applied for remote call Center roles as I had one a few years ago which was okay for 6 months to increase my funds but am not even hearing back from them!
We're saving for a house and wanting to start a family within the next few years due to my condition so I can have healthy pregnancies but want a job to build up my funds. I left my bar job in late February and have been unemployed but started a new one last week. I still cannot manage it with the pain which I find incredibly frustrating as I quite enjoy bar work (except for the unsociable hours I hate that part of it)
I'm half thinking about becoming a tattoo artist as once I've done the apprenticeship it's good money but it's hard to get apprenticeships and there aren't many shops near me. (I live in the middle of no where in the Uk with one town nearby) but I know I would enjoy being a tattoo artist.
Please could anyone offer some advice. Thank you 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼
I have a portfolio I can link if anyone's willing to offer their feedback

Hello,
This sounds stupid but I’m going to ask it anyway. 25F for reference. Sometimes when I cough especially hard, it is like a radiating pain from my chest to my forearms. It’s difficult to describe but it’s like I can feel it in my bones, like I’ve literally rattled my skeleton in my arms and hands. It’s quite painful, and it lasts for about 5 minutes at a time. Every once in a while I will actually lose sensation in my hands and wrists, and lose grip strength for those 5 minutes. My hands shake and it is just a deep, sharp pain that slowly ebbs.
For context I do have high blood pressure, but that’s the only condition that I think would be applicable in this case.
I don’t have health insurance, so can’t go to the doc and I’m honestly thinking (and hoping) this is just a weird body quirk and not a medical problem but figured I’d ask. Hopefully someone says my skeleton is just telling me to stop coughing and that’s that. Lol.