Example cda competency goal statement 2

AyL: ActuallyLesbian

2019.10.07 19:30 AyL: ActuallyLesbian

AyL is a discussion based community focused on the L in LGBT+.
[link]


2024.06.07 21:35 Prestigious-Yam7736 Trying to Calculate Earnings per share of common stock

Trying to Calculate Earnings per share of common stock
I am currently trying to teach myself some accounting before I go to CC in august. And one of the resources gives test problems at the end of the chapter. My confusion stems from the income statement chapter where I have to figure out the Earning per share of common stock.
Im trying to do the prompt of making the income statement based on the information and just cannot understand how these things come to be. I have to look at the solution and work backwards to figure the majority out but its not working for me this time in regards to understanding EPS.
And while this is the solution (2nd image, from the back of the book) I cannot for the life of me understand how this answer came to be. Ive googled. Ive looked up the formula forEPS but the test problem does not even give preferred dividends! Or im just blind??
My previous attempts at understanding: using the solutions numbers of 300,913 (INCOME BEFORE EXTRAORDINARY ITEM) minus 102,000 (the common stock outstanding) and then divide by 102,000. Still not $2.71. Or even 300,913 divided by 102,000. And again, not $2.71. And i cant understand the other examples EPS formulas because it uses words not in the test problem or yet learned.
submitted by Prestigious-Yam7736 to Accounting [link] [comments]


2024.06.07 21:09 No_Industry9653 Banned from cryptic triathlon

In my dream I was training for and competing in a sport that included a river kayaking phase, a labyrinth navigation phase, and a rock climbing chase phase. There was also a sort of ARG component to it; at the end of every competition announcers would make a lot of cryptic statements you have to quickly take notes on and decipher, and this let you somehow unlock "abilities" for future competitions. Abilities took the form of wet wipes soaked in different psychoactive chemicals you keep in your pocket and throw at the faces of competitors. Someone gave me a tip that there are hidden messages in the fine print on shoeboxes that serve as a cheat sheet that you can use to bypass the note taking process, so I took advantage of this.
Anyway I went through the whole event and was in the final phase; I had to reach the top of the rock wall without being tagged by the person climbing after me. We reached the top and there was a room, but they passed out from the wet wipes which I felt guilty about, and the ceiling was sagging from apparent water damage and about to collapse on the unconscious competitor. I picked this person up (somehow ambiguous gender despite being naked at this point) and started looking to get them help.
I was walking through an urban environment in and out of buildings that resembled large airports, looking for a hospital. Kept asking people at help desks for directions, but I didn't understand the directions, which they seemed to think were obvious and got impatient and refused to help further, which I was kind of angry about because the person I was carrying obviously needed medical attention. Eventually I got really lost and there were no more help desks, and a man on a bicycle broke a glass bottle against a brick wall and rode towards me yelling angrily. I tried to talk him down but he wasn't hearing it, and I only got away because another angry man started fighting the first one (I got the sense that he wasn't trying to help and they were fighting over who gets to attack me, and I would lose because they were both very good at fighting).
Later I was checking Reddit, and it turned out I had been banned from the subreddit for the cryptic triathlon, for a series of what to me seemed to be totally innocuous comments related to my participation in the event, and the ban message was really smug with an absurd explanation of what the reason for the ban was. I was already really worked up from all of the prior events and about to send a petty reply like "If your goal was to get me to quit the sport, you've succeeded, hope you enjoy the toxic community you've fostered" but I woke up before I could send it and felt mad that I was blocked from sending the message since it was all just a dream.
submitted by No_Industry9653 to Dreams [link] [comments]


2024.06.07 21:00 rmartin_tt What is Presales?

What is Presales?
What is presales? Presales is about ensuring that the proposed solution aligns precisely with customer requirements, thereby laying a solid foundation for a successful sales outcome.

The One Big Job in Presales

If there’s only one thing you take away from this article, it’s the recognition that the one big job of presales is to effectively understand the needs and requirements of potential customers (prospects) and to establish a clear and compelling connection between those needs and the solutions or products offered by the company.
And that’s it, well kinda.
Presales is also a series of activities undertaken before a customer makes a purchase. It's a strategic process that lays the groundwork for a successful sale by:
  • Engaging deeply with the customer to fully grasp their requirements.
  • Demonstrating how a product or service can effectively meet these needs.
  • Providing detailed knowledge about the product's features and capabilities.
  • Tailoring solutions to fit the unique scenarios of each customer.
  • Articulating a clear value proposition, including the benefits and return on investment.
What is Presales

What Do the Major Sales Methodologies Have to Say About Presales?

All of the major sales methodologies outline important goals and objectives in the presales process:
  • MEDDIC: This methodology (although MEDDIC does not define itself as a sales methodology, but as a deal qualification approach) emphasizes the importance of identifying Metrics, Economic buyers, Decision criteria, Decision process, Identifying pain, and Champion. In presales, this translates to a deep understanding of the customer's business, the key metrics they use to measure success, and the specific pain points they face. This approach ensures that the solution presented is highly tailored and relevant to the customer's unique context.
  • Strategic Selling (Miller Heiman): This approach focuses on understanding the various stakeholders involved in the purchasing decision. During presales, it's crucial to identify the different buying influences, such as economic buyers, technical buyers, and end-users, and tailor the pitch to address each group's specific concerns and needs. This methodology underscores the importance of aligning the solution with the strategic objectives of the customer's organization.
  • SPIN Selling: This method focuses on four types of questions – Situation, Problem, Implication, and Need-payoff. In presales, the aim is to ask insightful questions to uncover the customer's current situation and problems, understand the implications of these problems, and finally, make the customer see the value or 'payoff' of the solution.
  • Challenger Sale: The Challenger Sale methodology is based on delivering insights that challenge a customer's thinking. In presales, this means not just responding to customer needs, but actively shaping them by offering new perspectives and solutions that redefine their understanding of their own problems and needs. This approach requires a deep industry and product expertise to be effective.
  • Solution Selling: Emphasizing problem identification and resolution, Solution Selling in the presales phase involves actively guiding potential customers through an awareness of their needs to a commitment to solve these needs with your product. It's about creating a need where one was not clearly identified before and then fulfilling it.
One thing that remains consistent across all the methodologies is advice to work hand-in-hand with the buying team of your prospect to author documents that clearly define their needs and how the solution addresses their issues. This collaborative approach helps ensure that both the sales team and the prospect understand and agree on what's needed and how the solution can meet those needs. It's a straightforward, effective way to make sure everyone is on the same page, making it a key part of a successful sales strategy.

What are the Top Ten Presales Documents?

It's important to note that while aforementioned sales methodologies may refer to these documents (also known as sales documents) by various names, the underlying objectives they serve are remarkably consistent across them all.
These documents are designed to align the vendor's solutions with the customer's needs, ensuring a mutual understanding and agreement on the requirements, goals, objectives, and how the proposed solution fits these criteria. This common ground, established through documentation, is a fundamental element in bridging the gap between customer expectations and the vendor's offerings, integral to a successful sales process.

The top ten presales documents include:

1. Responses to Requests for Information, Requests for Proposals (RFx):
Early in the sales process, presales teams often collaborate with prospects through RFx documents such as the Request for Information or the Request for Proposal. These documents, frequently authored by the prospect, contain many of the prospect's unique requirements. Presales teams respond to these requests to ensure that prospects have a clear understanding of the company's solutions and how they address their specific needs, ultimately leading to a commitment from the prospect to move forward. As a side point, maintaining a repository of RFx responses can be a terrific way to capture prospect knowledge, spot industry/sector trends, and improve your organization’s abiltiy to respond to RFxs.
2. Customer Requirements Document (CRD):
At the outset of the presales process, the Customer Requirements Document is essential. This document is a comprehensive record of the customer's specific requirements, preferences, and specifications for the solution. It is developed through detailed discussions and analysis, ensuring that every aspect of the customer's needs is captured. The CRD serves as the foundation for all subsequent planning and solution development, as it defines what the customer expects from the solution, both in terms of functionality and business outcomes.
3. Business Case Document:
Following the CRD, a Business Case Document is often prepared to present the rationale for the proposed solution. This document delves into the analysis of the customer's business needs and how the proposed solution addresses these needs. It may include a cost-benefit analysis, potential return on investment, and a detailed examination of how the solution aligns with the customer’s strategic objectives. This document is pivotal in justifying the investment in the solution and in helping key stakeholders understand its value.
4. Mutual Success Plans (MSPs):
Mutual Success Plans are collaboratively developed with the prospect to outline a roadmap to achieving shared goals. These plans detail how the proposed solution will meet the customer's needs, outlining key milestones, timelines, and the expected benefits. MSPs also articulate the return on investment and the value proposition of the solution, ensuring that both parties have a clear understanding of the outcomes and benefits. This document is instrumental in building trust and alignment between the customer and the provider.
5. Statement of Work (SOW):
The Statement of Work is a critical document that formalizes the agreement between the customer and the provider. It outlines the scope of work, deliverables, timelines, and the specific tasks to be undertaken. The SOW serves as a contract, detailing what will be delivered, how it will be done, and when it will be completed. It sets clear expectations and serves as a guideline for the execution of the project, ensuring that both parties are aligned on the project's objectives and deliverables.
6. Implementation Plan:
As the project moves into the implementation phase, an Implementation Plan is developed. This comprehensive document outlines the steps involved in setting up and deploying the solution. It includes detailed timelines, resource allocation plans, training schedules for the customer's team, and protocols for testing and quality assurance. The Implementation Plan is essential for ensuring a smooth transition to the new system or service, providing a step-by-step guide to the actual implementation process.
7. Risk Assessment and Mitigation Plan:
Parallel to the Implementation Plan, a Risk Assessment and Mitigation Plan is often prepared. This document identifies potential risks associated with the project and outlines strategies to mitigate these risks. It includes contingency plans and proactive measures to address any issues that might arise during implementation. The aim is to foresee potential challenges and prepare solutions in advance, minimizing disruptions and ensuring the project stays on track.
8. Proof of Concept (POC) or Pilot Project Plan:
In some cases, particularly for complex or high-value solutions, a Proof of Concept or Pilot Project Plan is executed before full-scale implementation. This plan outlines the scope, objectives, and expected outcomes of a smaller, controlled implementation of the solution. It allows the customer to see and evaluate the solution in action, providing an opportunity to make adjustments before a full rollout. This step is crucial for building confidence in the solution and ensuring it meets all expectations.
9. Go-Live Plans:
Just before the solution is fully implemented, a Go-Live Plan is prepared. This document outlines the final steps required to make the solution operational. It includes detailed schedules for the launch, any final training required for users, and support structures put in place for post-go-live assistance. The Go-Live Plan is the culmination of the presales and implementation process, marking the transition to the new solution.
10. Service Level Agreement (SLA):
Finally, a Service Level Agreement is often established as part of the ongoing relationship post-implementation. The SLA defines the level of service expected from the provider, including response times, quality standards, and maintenance commitments. It sets the parameters for service delivery and provides metrics for evaluating the service's performance. This document is essential for maintaining a clear understanding of the ongoing responsibilities and expectations in the post-sales phase.
Each document plays a vital role in the presales and implementation process, helping to ensure clarity, alignment, and successful execution of the project. They provide a structured framework for understanding customer needs, delivering the solution, and maintaining a high level of service post-implementation.

How best to collaborate with prospects on critical presales documents?

When collaborating with prospects on presales documents, it's essential to recognize that typical internal communication tools, while effective for team interactions, may not be suitable for external engagements. This mismatch often drives sales teams to default to email for document collaboration with clients. However, email, with its limitations in tracking conversations and document versions, can lead to disorganization and inefficiency.
Improve your pre-sales efficiency using TakeTurns
Thankfully, there are specialized external collaboration tools. Beyond the conventional reliance on email, platforms like TakeTurns offer a more structured, secure, and transparent solution. TakeTurns is designed for client engagement, providing a turn-by-turn structure, which helps facilitate orderly feedback, and systematic progression. In addition, keeping all the content in one place helps everyone stay on the same page. Tools like TakeTurns cut down on the “pain in the ass” factor, making it easier for prospects to work with you, reducing friction and improving engagement.

Who Typically Participates in Presales from the Prospect or Customer’s Side?

According to Gartner, the size of buying teams can vary significantly. (For more on enterprise buying, look at research by Hank Barnes and Michele Buckley). On average, buying teams include about six to seven members, but this number can increase considerably for larger deals. For instance, in IT services deals exceeding $5 million, the buying team averages around 15 stakeholders. This variability in team size adds complexity to the purchasing process. Moreover, the level of active participation within these teams can fluctuate based on the size of the purchase or the stage of the purchase process. Also, it’s worth it to be wary of the “occasional decision makers” who may not be actively involved throughout the entire process but can have considerable influence on the final decision.
  1. Decision Makers: These are the individuals who have the authority to make the final purchasing decision. They are often senior executives or leaders within the organization who evaluate the solution's strategic fit and impact on the company's goals.
  2. Influencers: These individuals are not social media influencers, however like influencers on tiktok or instagram, they can often have significant influence/sway over the purchase decision. They could be senior staff or specialists who understand the strategic and operational implications of the solution.
  3. End Users: The actual users of the product or service. Their input is crucial as they can provide practical insights into how the solution will be used day-to-day and what features are most important to them.
  4. Technical Evaluators: In the case of technical or IT-related solutions, technical evaluators such as IT managers or technical leads play a critical role. They assess the technical compatibility and integration of the solution with existing systems.
  5. Financial Evaluators: Often, members from the finance department are involved in assessing the financial impact of the solution, including cost-benefit analysis, budgeting, and return on investment.
  6. Legal and Compliance Officers: Especially in regulated industries or for solutions that require adherence to specific regulations, legal and compliance officers are involved to ensure that the solution meets all legal and regulatory requirements.
  7. Procurement Specialists: These individuals manage the purchasing process, negotiate contracts, and ensure that all procurement policies are adhered to.
  8. External Consultants or Advisors: In some cases, the prospect may engage external consultants or industry experts to provide an unbiased evaluation of the solution and its fit within the broader market or industry context.
Each of these participants plays a distinct role in the presales process from the prospect's side, contributing their expertise and perspective to ensure that the solution being considered meets the organization's needs, is cost-effective, and aligns with their strategic, operational, and technical requirements.

Who Typically Participates in Presales from the Vendor’s Side?

In the presales process, several key roles from the vendor side typically participate, each contributing unique skills and expertise:
  1. Presales Consultants/Specialists/Sales Engineers:They are the primary players in the presales process. Presales consultants possess deep product knowledge and understand how to align product features with customer needs. They often lead demonstrations, answer technical questions, and help tailor solutions to customer requirements.
  2. Sales Representatives/Account Managers: While primarily responsible for the sales aspect, sales representatives often participate in presales activities. They build and maintain client relationships, understand customer needs, and coordinate with the presales team to present solutions effectively.
  3. Technical Experts: For technology or product-focused businesses, technical experts or engineers play a crucial role in presales. They provide in-depth technical expertise, address complex technical queries, and assist in demonstrating the technical aspects of a product or service.
  4. Product Managers: Product managers may get involved in the presales phase, especially for complex or highly specialized products. They have a comprehensive understanding of the product and its development and can provide insights into future enhancements and roadmap.
  5. Product Marketers: Product marketers contribute by providing essential market insights, competitor analysis, and materials like brochures, case studies, and presentations that support the presales process.
  6. Solution Architects: In some cases, especially in IT and service-oriented businesses, solution architects are involved to design and articulate how a solution can be implemented in the customer's environment.
  7. Project Managers: They may be involved in outlining the scope, timeline, and resources required for implementing the solution, contributing to the creation of a project plan or a statement of work.
  8. Customer Success Managers: They sometimes participate in presales to provide insights into post-sale service, support, and long-term success strategies for the customer.
  9. Legal and Compliance Experts: For deals that require legal scrutiny or have to meet specific compliance standards, these experts are involved to ensure that proposals meet legal and regulatory requirements.
Each of these roles collaborates to ensure a comprehensive, customer-focused approach in the presales process, aiming to effectively demonstrate the value and applicability of the solution to the prospective customer.
What is Presales? was previously published on our website TakeTurns
submitted by rmartin_tt to TakeTurns [link] [comments]


2024.06.07 20:54 best_testimonials Case Study Video: How It Can Boost Your Marketing Strategy

In today's world, consumers are more conscious of where they spend their money.
They conduct extensive research before making a purchase, with 53% of buyers saying they always do research before buying to ensure they are making the best possible choice.
This is where case study video production comes in. According to a study by Google, case study videos help increase trust and can ultimately result in more sales for businesses.
In this article, we will explore how to create a case study video in just 10 simple steps. We will take a look at what a case study video is, its benefits, and six top examples of case study videos. By following these steps, businesses can create effective case study videos that can help increase consumer trust and ultimately lead to more sales.

Key Takeaways

What is a Case Study Video?

A case study video is a type of video that showcases real customer success stories to demonstrate the value of a company's products or services. It is a powerful marketing tool that can be used to sell to potential customers and retain current ones. Unlike written case studies, video case studies allow viewers to see and hear firsthand how a company's products or services have helped a customer achieve their goals. Creating case study videos requires careful planning and execution to ensure that the final product effectively communicates the customer's story and the value of the company's offerings.

Case study video benefits

Case study videos are an excellent tool for businesses to showcase their customer success stories. These videos can be used in various marketing campaigns to attract new customers, strengthen relationships with existing ones, and increase brand awareness. Here are five benefits of creating case study videos:

1. Increase trust & credibility

Trust and credibility are essential for any business to succeed, and case study videos can help increase both. According to a study by Accenture, trust is as important as growth and profitability when it comes to the financial health of a company. This is especially important for younger generations, as 42% of Gen Z and 30% of millennials do not trust the average American company, according to a study by Morning Consult.
Creating a case study video adds authenticity and credibility to your brand, which can increase trust among leads and help convert them into new customers.

2. Relate to your customers

Customers want to feel connected to the brands they use, and case study videos can help businesses achieve this. A survey of 1,000 consumers by Sprout Social found that 64% of consumers want brands to connect with them. When asked to rank which channels brands should use to create the best opportunity to connect with customers, video came in 2nd place (beaten only by social media).
Creating relatable case study videos that aren't overly salesy can help businesses build a stronger bond with their customers. This can encourage customers to spend more, stay loyal, and give positive word-of-mouth marketing.

3. Boost sales

Case study videos showcase the benefits that a business has given to one of its happiest customers, which can help boost sales. According to Video Marketing Statistics 2022, 2 out of 3 people say they'd be more likely to make a purchase after watching a testimonial video demonstrating how a business, product, or service had helped another person like them.
When viewers see someone they can identify with in a case study video, it makes them think, "huh, if that happened for them then maybe it can happen for me." The more confident people feel in a brand, the more likely they are to buy from that brand.

4. They're easy & inexpensive to make

Case study videos don't have to be expensive or complicated to make. They can be created with just a smartphone and some simple editing software. Even with B-roll footage added, case study videos are still much quicker, easier, and cost-effective than most other types of videos.
Creating case study videos on video apps like TikTok is also a possibility. The better a video looks, the more credibility it will have, but even simple case study videos can be effective.

5. Strengthen your relationship with existing customers

Creating case study videos can also help businesses strengthen their relationships with existing customers. When a happy customer agrees to take part in a case study video, it shows belief and loyalty for the brand. The process of creating a video together can strengthen the relationship even more and could result in the customer becoming an even bigger fan of the company.
In conclusion, case study videos offer many benefits to businesses. They can increase trust and credibility, relate to customers, boost sales, be easy and inexpensive to make, and strengthen relationships with existing customers. By incorporating case study videos into their marketing strategy, businesses can create authentic and relatable evergreen content that is customer-centric and emotionally connects with their target audience.

How to Create a Case Study Video in 10 Steps

Creating a case study video can be an effective way to showcase the value of your product or service. By highlighting a customer's success story, you can demonstrate how your business can help others overcome similar challenges. Here are 10 steps to creating a successful case study video:

1. Decide on a Goal

Before creating a case study video, it's essential to establish a clear goal. While the ultimate objective may be to increase sales, it's important to drill down deeper and identify specific hurdles you're trying to overcome. Consider what the biggest barrier to purchase is for your product or service and use the case study video to eliminate those doubts.

2. Identify Your Target Audience

In addition to defining a goal, it's crucial to identify your target audience and keep them in mind throughout the development process. Consider what motivates your target audience, what's important to them, and what they want to know. By keeping these factors in mind, you can craft your video to speak directly to your target audience and increase your chances of success.

3. Choose the Right Customer

Selecting the right customer for your case study video is critical. Rather than choosing your happiest, most complimentary customer, select a customer whose journey best fits the narrative you're trying to create. Approach your customer politely with an email or a friendly chat and ask if they'd like to be in your video. Make it easy for them to say yes by letting them choose a convenient time and offering to cover travel expenses if required.

4. Write a Script

Crafting a script is essential to creating a roadmap for your video. While it's not necessary to write everything down word-for-word, having a script will help you guide the day of shooting and create the bare bones of a narrative for your video. Outline the customer's problem, explain how your company helped them, and round off with key benefits.

5. Add Stats Where Possible

When discussing the benefits that your company has brought to the case study customer, stats and figures can help. Solid figures that show a clear benefit will make it easier for buyers to present your case study video to their employer and say "we need this." Invest in research to find tangible figures that prove the benefit of your product or service to improve your credibility with viewers.

6. Find the Perfect Location

The setting of your video can make a significant difference to the viewer experience. Choose a location that matches the look and feel you want to portray in your video and is convenient for everyone to get to. Most great testimonial videos will have a couple of establishing shots to set the scene, so don't underestimate the power of a great setting.

7. Create a Shot List

A shot list is a document that maps out each scene you want to see in your video. Creating a shot list will help your day of shooting go more efficiently. It's especially important if you're handing over the responsibility to an external film crew. A shot list will ensure you get all of the shots you need for your video without forgetting anything.

8. Shoot Your Video!

Set up your cameras, grab your script and your shot list, and make sure you get everything you need. Make sure your customer feels comfortable, and take the time to break the ice and calm their nerves. Patience is key here – if you give your customer the time they need to feel comfortable, your case study video will look much better.

9. Edit Your Video

Editing can make a significant difference to your video. A great edit that cuts between different camera angles and shots, includes a fitting soundtrack, and maybe even some title slides or animations that help to emphasize certain points will really elevate your video. Edit your video in a way that will increase viewer engagement.

10. Share Your Video

Once you're happy with your video, it's time to share it with the world. Create a specific landing page on your site for your case study videos, and post your video on social media platforms like Facebook, LinkedIn, and YouTube. The more places you post, the more views you're likely to get.
By following these 10 steps, you can create a compelling case study video that engages your target audience, showcases your product or service, and drives sales.

6 Top examples of case study videos(UPDATED)

1. Wolt – Get Camera Crew

Wolt's case study video demonstrates that authenticity is key to creating an engaging and effective video.

2. Google Ads – Chuckling Goat

Chuckling Goat's case study video is a perfect example of how to create a captivating video. It has all the ingredients needed to make an amazing video, from gorgeous establishing shots to a light-hearted joke at the end. The video allows Chuckling Goat to tell its story before weaving Google Ads into the narrative naturally. The animated graphic that accompanies the growth facilitated by Google Ads is a great touch.

3. Zoom – Customer Stories

Zoom's case study video showcases that you don't need to focus on just one customer to create a great video. Instead, Zoom decided to feature multiple customers, resulting in a cool and varied collection of benefits that Zoom has brought to different customers. What's more, all the customers appear to have recorded their portion of the video using Zoom, which is a nice touch.

4. Samsung – Superdry

Samsung's case study video for Superdry Norway is visually stunning. The opening timelapse of Norway is crystal clear and sets the scene perfectly. As we get into the meat of the video, it's great to hear what the Superdry staff have to say about the Samsung screens while we (as the viewers) get to see them in action.

5. Hubspot – Avison Young

Avison Young's case study video demonstrates the impressive results of its partnership with HubSpot. The video does an excellent job of laying out the customer's initial problem before introducing HubSpot as the perfect solution. The title of the video includes the impressive results of Avison Young's partnership with HubSpot, which encourages viewers to keep watching to find out how that happened.

6. Claranet – Pets at Home

Claranet's case study video for Pets at Home is heartwarming and engaging. The video manages to keep viewer attention with help from a heartwarming soundtrack and clips of various cute animals. The video also uses animation to emphasize the role that Claranet has played in helping Pets at Home to grow.
These top examples of case study videos showcase the different approaches to creating a compelling and effective case study video. From using animation to emphasizing the role of the customer, these videos demonstrate that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to creating a great case study video.

Final Thoughts

Creating a case study or testimonial video can greatly enhance a brand's credibility. Companies can use these videos to showcase their success stories and how their products or services have helped their customers. Whether it's for iOS, Android, PC, or Slack users, a well-crafted video can be a valuable marketing tool.
submitted by best_testimonials to videoproductionguides [link] [comments]


2024.06.07 20:45 morninpancake how to help a friend with social anxiety

*I GOT SOME BACKLASH WHEN I POSTED IT ON OTHER SUBREDDITS, PEOPLE SAID I'M BEING JUDGMENTAL, I DO NOT MEAN TO COME ACROSS THIS WAY*
Hi there. I have this friend with social anxiety. He has a history of this along with bullying and I'm trying to help him for a couple weeks. We are both teenagers in school btw. He has been been bullied , call names etc in childhood which has effected him during teenage years. He has also moved house and school during early childhood which has developed his social anxiety. So back to the present, this friend of mine, well cal him X. X is shy and struggles to make friends. He refuses to 'push himself' and choose to stand in the corner of the playground at break time and play with his rubix cube while looking sad. I felt bad for him, so went over there and started talking to him. He talked me about his lack of confidence and his hard past but when I ask what he has done about his confidence, not much has been done. He claims that no one likes him, but when I encouraged him to make friends, he went to a group of friends and just stood there and watched them talking. That's a pretty shitty way of making friends. He does this for a few weeks and goes back to his little corner crying about his failed attempt. He is very sensitive. In school football, if he doesn't score a goal, he will cry about that, even when he's a new player and he is competing with those who play in the school's A team. We tried to encourage him to set realistic expectations and it worked for a while before he started ignoring that advice and went back to being emotional. He also struggles to talk to people. I tried to tell him to do it anyways so the fear is lessen, but he can't discipline himself to do so. A few months ago, his grandma and aunty died, which made him really sad but eventually he got over it. He used to claim he has depression until he talked to a therapist and therapist told him was just overwhelmed. After the therapist visit, his mood has significantly improved but his social anxiety still remains. He is too scared to go to crowds, meet new people, make phone calls, go to events, raise his voice etc. he cries and complains about his confidence but when I show him how to solve it, he backs away. Let me give you an example. There is a local martial arts club which do confidence classes, and I thought this would interest him. I tried to send long messages to convive him to go, but he won't budge. I tried both being nice and being mean. When he responds, he'll say "I'll think about it" (code phrase for no) or just straight up "No". I tried to get him to do prank phone calls, as I thought this would be a funny and entertaining way to build his confidence, he still said "No". In drama, to avoid his fear of performing, he ask to leave the classroom and was even given a card to do so. I proposed to him that I would take his card and he would face his fear of performing. His response seems like he was offended. The only thing I've managed him to get to do is to ask to go to the toilet, which he said he was afraid of, but thats probably because he wanted to leave the lesson he was in anyways. We live in the UK, if that helps and I have may missed out some details How do I convince him to make the prank phone calls, go to the confidence classes and overall reduce his social anxiety?
submitted by morninpancake to adhd_anxiety [link] [comments]


2024.06.07 20:41 STS_EA Bank Statement Loan - Rate Flexible?

Just a quick question from a first time homebuyer. Are rates flexible? Is it worth it to shop around? I don't like getting hard inquiries on my credit report but should that matter if I actually want to make a purchase?
A bit of info. I was preapproved through a Bank Statement Loan for a condo in NY at a rate of 7.875... I just started my business 2.5 years ago so I have to go this route unfortunately and understand the rates are higher this way but should I/Could I do better on the rate? I would love a sub 7.5%, goal is 7.2-7.35 but not sure how feasible that is
submitted by STS_EA to Mortgages [link] [comments]


2024.06.07 20:38 GodkingYuuumie Does the game revolve around knights too much?

This is more just to spark discussion rather than take a hard stance on the topic, but my personal opinion is that I do think knights do too much for how easy they are to access and use.
(For context, this is from the perspective of 1v1 Arabia)
When I first started playing, my Go-to civs were the Poles and the Persians and I've always enjoyed playing cavalry on big economies. For this reason, it didn't really strike me how Knight-centric the mid-game is because I was also playing knights. Since then I've broadened my scope a lot, and it's really striking how absolutely game-warping not having access to knights is to a civ.
So many times, I've felt the game-plan for a civ boil down to: Does my civ have good knights, and if not, what is my answer to knights?
There are ovbiously some answers to knights in most civs, but I still think that's telling. I don't think about champions, siege, or even archers as being a pivotal unit I must think about in the same way, and archers are probably the second most dominant unit in castle age.
I don't think any other unit warps the game around it's existence the same way mid-game castle-age knights do. Every other unit either has more limitations or more effective counters.
All of this being said, I'm not really sure what I'd do to solve it. My main problem with the knight is the fact that they 1, defeat all non-counter units, and 2, are extremely easy to use in a way that gives you opprotunities and punishes your opponent. If they for example could be beaten cost-effectively by good longswords and more easily killed by archers, or maybe if they were made slower in castle-age. I'm not sure though. Maybe I'm not even correct that they're problematic.
submitted by GodkingYuuumie to aoe2 [link] [comments]


2024.06.07 20:29 Wide_Entrepreneur928 Health & Happiness - My Journey With A Glioblastoma Diagnosis

Hi Everyone, later this month I will be 7 years out of my Glioblastoma diagnosis. I was 30 years old when I was diagnosed and am 37 years old now. Over the last 6+ years, I have been put in contact with many people battling the same diagnosis and decided to create a Word document titled "Health & Happiness", which details all of the things I have incorporated into my healing journey. Everyone is different and I am simply sharing what has worked for me. Neither me or my wife are in the medical field however we have spent a lot of time researching things to integrate into my day-to-day life which we believe are keeping me healthy. For the first 5 years of my journey I received MRI's every 8 weeks; now that I am more than 5 years out I get MRI's every 12 weeks. Below is a copy and paste of the document:
*Below there are some discount codes that I have not affiliation with and found them through IG or marketing emails and they might be outdated*
My Neurosurgeon:
Dr. Mitchel Berger - UCSF
My Neuro Oncologist:
Dr. Timothy Cloughesy - UCLA
My Naturopathic Doctor:
· Christian Gonzalez, ND
o Check out his podcast, “Heal Thy Self” – This podcast has been life-changing for my wife and I. It has provided us with assurance about the path that we have been on to keep me healthy and has opened our eyes to so many things that we thought were “good” and “healthy” when in fact we were grossly misled to a technique called “Green Washing” that a lot of companies and products use in their marketing efforts.
· Below are two links where you can find a ND in your area.
o Naturopath Oncologist Database - https://oncanp.org/directory/
o General Naturopath Doctor Database - https://www.naturopathic.org/AF_MemberDirectory.asp?version=2
CBD/THC Extracts - Cancer Protocols:
· I went through CT's full 90 day protocol back in 2017 in conjunction with radiation and chemo (Temodar). I am on CT's "maintenance" program and have been since I finished the 90 day protocol.
o https://www.constancetherapeutics.com/
o https://www.forbes.com/sites/abbierosne2019/01/24/constance-finleys-midlife-detour-to-cannabis-extraction-connoisseu#456c41bc35c6
§ The article above is from Forbes magazine on Constance and how she got started.
Books and Documentaries:
· Radical Remission. This book was the first book I read when I was diagnosed and gave me knowledge and motivation to not look at my diagnosis as a death sentence. One of the most powerful cancer books I have read and I highly recommend it for anyone that has cancer or knows someone that has cancer. 😊
· What the Health: Netflix
· Heal: Netflix
o Here are a couple ‘extras’ from “Heal” that we found very powerful and inspiring.
§ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7sxmK8A-Kco&list=PLmcZvnvGDkToo9nYIX3ugcgyLCll0NLLc&utm_content=b080891cf2ccb1c272c432873d52f9cd&utm_campaign=Don%27t+believe+you+can+change+your+destiny%3F+This+video+could+help+you+change+your+mind.&utm_source=Robly.com&utm_medium=email

§ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EeQjNRahxrw&feature=youtu.be&utm_content=eadbd6e0e0dff2d44d28e6515fa4c2a1&utm_campaign=Rob+Wergin+use+his+incredible+and+unique+gifts&utm_source=Robly.com&utm_medium=email

o The Documentary “Heal”, did so well they wrote a book as well.
· The Game Changers – A documentary on Netflix.
· Forks Over Knives - Netflix
· Cowspiracy – Netflix
· The China Study – Book outlining the most comprehensive study done on nutrition, and the links the standard American diet has to all types of diseases including cancer.
· Being In Balance - Book
· You The Healer – Book
· The Power of Now – Book
· The Celestine Prophecy – Book
· How Not To Die – Book
· The Truth About Cancer – Documentary


Supplements I am taking:
· Maca Root
· Vitamin B12
· Gaia – “Liver Health”
· Bladderwrack & Sea Moss
o We purchase these from- https://alkalineveganshop.com/
· Mushroom Supplements: Chaga, Turkey Tail, Maitake, Reishi, Cordyceps & Lion’s Mane (Real Mushrooms is the company we use.) See video and article below about the health benefits of mushrooms.
o https://www.realmushrooms.com/
o https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uuL_faveAnw
o https://www.drweil.com/health-wellness/body-mind-spirit/canceturkey-tail-mushrooms-for-cancer-treatment/
o Paul Stamets is the CEO of Host Defense and his mother was diagnosed with Stage Four Breast Cancer. He gives a lot of credit to her remission from the mushroom supplements. https://hostdefense.com/also has a 10% off first time order. We order from Vitacost.com though due to their sales and free shipping.
· Agaricus Mushroom – I take it at night with my Essiac Tea (See Below)
· Kelp
· Vitamin D3
· Graviola/Soursop – (can be taken as a supplement or in Tea form)
· Ashwagandha –Benefits and study links below. In the first link below, each number found in the article is a hyper link showcasing different studies that have been conducted proving the benefits listed.
o https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/12-proven-ashwagandha-benefits#section3
o https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/26650066
· Vitamin B2
· Boswellia (Frankincense)
· Melatonin
· CoQ10
[· X-R Shield by LifeExtension – My ND prescribed me to take these 5 days prior to air travel, during travel and 5 days after air travel. When flying, you’re exposed to high amounts of radiation and this supplement helps to protect cell DNA damage]()
· Chaparral
o We purchase these from- https://alkalineveganshop.com/
· Liposomal Glutathione – Quicksilver Scientific
· NAC (N-Acetyl-L-Cysteine, Free-Form)
· Co-E1 NADH
· Probiotic – Klaire Labs, Ther-Biotic Complete
· Life Cykel Mushroom Tinctures
o https://us.lifecykel.com/?rfsn=3953957.f0c203&utm_source=refersion&utm_medium=affiliate&utm_campaign=3953957.f0c203
o Discount code: 0DCB4626
o Chaga, Turkey Tail, Reishi, Lions Maine, Cordyceps, Shitake
o All of the above mushrooms are harnessed in Kakadu Plum juice which is the most Vitamin C dense fruit in the world.
· We get most of our supplements from http://www.vitacost.com . They have sales all the time and free 2-day shipping.

Teas:
· Senna Tea - I drank this on the nights I took Temodar (Chemo) to prevent constipation, it's a lot easier on your body than any OTC medication.
· Essiac Tea - I drink 4 oz. of this every night before bed. People who have defeated cancer give a lot of credit to Essiac Tea.
o We purchase it in loose leaf form from https://www.starwest-botanicals.com/
· Moringa
· Dandelion
· Teas with Turmeric
[· Pique Tea – Organic, ceremonial grade, triple screened for heavy metals, mold toxins and pesticides. This is the only tea that we have been able to find that has a triple screening process for heavy metals. “Organic” does not mean free of heavy metals.]()
o Discount Code: GREENFIELD 15% off!

Other things I do:
· Meditation – Every day for 20 minute – I started off with the app called “Headspace” other people use “Calm”. Its personal preference.
o I am looking into taking a TM class (Transcendental Meditation) and will let you know once I do.
[· Minimizing EMF exposure as much as possible]()
o Sleeping with our phones in airplane mode and away from us, ideally in another room
o Turning off Wi-Fi at night, and even when not in use
o Covering Wi-Fi router and Digital Electricity Meter (outside of house) with EMF guards
§ These can be found here: https://smartmeterguard.com/
o Keeping cell phones away from our bodies as much as possible
o Not using anything wireless near our heads. This includes cell phones (always talk on speaker phone or a wired ear pod connection), air pods or any type of Bluetooth headphones, this includes Bluetooth in the car.
o Hardwiring my office so there is no need for Wi-Fi.
· When we fly, we have these blankets that we wrap around our body. This company has a lot of great products that protect you from EMF exposure.
o https://www.defendershield.com/emf-radiation-protection-blanket
· We also wear these when we fly, they are a company out of Australia
o https://radiasmart.com/emf-hat-hood/
o This is what we have: RS EMF radiation protection hood, blocking RF, EMF- Brian Coat
· Here is another company that is popular, we were not aware of it at the time of buying the other products above.
o https://getlambs.com/products/emf-proof-beanie
· Positive attitude and mindset in everything I do- link below to article explaining how thoughts can benefit or hinder your body
o https://www.huffpost.com/entry/how-your-thoughts-change-your-brain-cells-and-genes_b_9516176
· Eliminate as much stress as I possibly can from my everyday life
· Be present in my mind
· Yoga
· Spin
· Writing down 3 things that I am grateful for each night before bed
· Using Frankincense oil on my feet and pillow, every night, before bed
· Morning Routine: Body Scan Meditation, Drink a liter of water when you wake up (Your body is most dehydrated after a full night’s sleep), stretch or some type of quick 10 minute workout to get your body moving in the morning, “I Am” affirmations (I will usually do this right after I finish my morning stretching, I will typically say 5-10 things out loud to myself, for example (I am healthy, I am a loving husband, I am kind, etc…), statements of gratitude (I will mix this in with my “I Am” affirmations, for example, I am grateful for my bed, I am grateful for my home, I am grateful to have access to organic produce, etc…) I try to focus on this that I have in my life instead of things that I want, rubbing a 1-2 drops of any organic essential oil that you like in your hands in the morning and taking 4-5 deep breaths with your hands over your mouth and nose (this is very helpful in awakening your sensory functions), lastly, I listen to music when getting ready for work in the morning. Soft music in the morning taps into the creative side of your brain and research has shown that individuals that listen to soft music in the morning are more creative and productive throughout the day than those who don’t.
· Taking a walk every day to get fresh air and disconnect, normally with the dogs J
· Circuit Training
· Acupuncture / Energy Healing
· Energy Healer – Steve Montoya – Let me know if you would like his contact info. He travels all over the world healing people. He is in the LA/OC area once a quarter or so.
o https://ramonashealingjourney.wordpress.com/2015/11/04/you-shall-know-them-by-their-love/
· Keeping my body warm at all times. We learned from Traditional Chinese Medicine, that keeping the body warm protects the kidneys, which means all of the other organs can do their job and the body can heal. Also, just for example, when you have a fever, it’s your body’s way of protecting all of your vital organs so that they can do their job, as well as preventing any proliferation of bacteria and viruses.
o http://aprilcrowell.com/asian-medicine/warm-to-the-core/
· John of God – Brazil. Lauren’s cousin went down to visit him during the 4th quarter of 2018 and took a head shot of myself as well as a two-page letter sharing my story. He is a spiritual healer that helped a young man get to a state of meditation where his brain tumor shrunk to nothing. He sent back two bottles of Herbs (Ground Up Passion Flower Leaves – Actual Name: Passiflora) for me to take. There is a large portion about him in the book “Radical Remission” and he is featured in “Heal” as well.
· I brush my teeth with my less dominant hand once a day and then with my dominant hand the other two times.
o This helps stimulate parts of the brain that are not in use often. You can do this with many things, brushing your hair, using your less dominant foot in sports, washing your body with soap while showering.
· Drinking and eating out of glass vs. plastic. It’s having an effect on both men and women’s endocrine systems (hormones, fertility, etc…)
o https://www.plasticpollutioncoalition.org/pft/2017/7/26/new-endocrine-disrupting-chemicals-are-undermining-male-fertility
· This may sound like something so simple but it’s quite challenging: When moving/changing physical positions I am always present. For example, every time I sit, I tell myself I am sitting, every time I stand to walk, I tell myself I am standing. This helps me to bring my mind into a present state and focus less on the future or past.
o This was a recommendation during one of my guided meditations.
· Laughing, loving and hugging every day. This was a big take away for Lauren and I from reading the book Radical Remission. It’s important to laugh every day, love every day and receive and give hugs to people every day. I know, I know, it sounds crazy but it has worked on other folks, we practice it every day. We try to watch more comedies if we are going to watch a movie on the weekend, an easy way to incorporate laughter into your life.
· We recently added air purifiers into our home. I also have one in my office. We purchased the Molekule, but through research we found that the Air Doctor is another good option (and I believe also a little less expensive). Here is a discount code for $100 off a Molekule: MetroMD100
· IR Sauna (Infrared Saunas)
o These are great for detoxifying the body, especially after air travel. I go to Perspire (https://perspiresaunastudio.com/) here in Orange County.
· Epsom Salt Baths – Especially after air or any long car travel as well.
· Grounding/Earthing – Walk around barefoot on your backyard grass or anywhere there is a plot of “Earth”. Feel the grass between your toes or if you are at the beach, be aware of the sand between your toes. We are all energy and Earth contains energy, manifest the energy from the Earth into your body for increased healing, awareness, presence and mindfulness. I do this for about 10-15 minutes.
· Cold Showers (as cold as the shower can get) every morning and Ice Plunges. Look up the “Wim Hof Method”
o https://www.wimhofmethod.com/

Diet:
· For the past 6+ years we have followed a whole food plant-based diet (vegan without the junk food). Cancer cells feed off of Glucose (Sugar) firstly, but can also utilize glutamate as a second source of fuel (which is in all animal protein, land and sea). I have also cut out all artificial sugars from my diet. Dairy is also extremely inflammatory for your body and has been linked to cancer in many research studies.
· White Carbs and Gluten - We have eliminated these from our diet as much as we possibly can. Even for people who do not have a ‘gluten intolerance,’ gluten is very hard on the body’s digestive system. Excessive consumption can lead to a leaky gut, which causes toxins to seep out of the digestive tract into the body/blood making it hard for your immune system to work at its peak. Also, most gluten products have high levels of glyphosate, which they’ve linked to cancer. Glyphosate acts like an antibiotic to your gut (not in a good way), wiping out all of the beneficial gut flora which are there to keep your immune system working efficiently.
· Alkaline Foods and Water - Cancer cells cannot grow in an alkaline environment; we drink water with a PH level of 9.5. We recently invested in a Kangen water machine for our home. A level of 7 PH is balanced and anything below 7 is acidic. Cancer cells thrive in an acidic environment. Things that make your body acidic are alcohol, dairy, meat, processed and artificial sugars and gluten.
· I drink warm lemon water with apple cider vinegar every morning, which also helps alkalize the body and keep stomach acid levels at a great pH for food absorption.
· We practice intermittent fasting, which allows the body to not worry about processing food for a large portion of the day but rather allow its immune system to be working at its peak ability. We started out by only eating from 12 PM - 8 PM and are working toward 12 PM - 6 PM. Intermittent fasting is really important when taking Temodar (or any chemotherapy). It allows the body to protect the healthy cells while targeting cancer cells. There is so much research showing the benefits of intermittent fasting for cancer patients.
· This is a really interesting article citing a lot of different sources regarding a plant-based diet and fighting/preventing cancer:
o https://www.vivahealth.org.uk/veganhealth/dont-feed-cancer

Other Things to Research:
· Dr. Sebi – He is the doctor who put a full-page ad in the NY Post and was sued to take it down. When he went to his court hearing the judge asked him if he could prove that he healed anyone, and he furnished 70 patients of his that were healed by his treatment and the Judge declared “not guilty” on all the charges that were brought against him by the State of New York.
o The link below is a quick rundown of his life. I believe the pharmaceutical companies were heavily involved with his death in while he was imprisoned in Honduras.
o https://wakeup-world.com/2015/08/28/dr-sebi-the-man-who-cures-aids-cancer-diabetes-and-more/
· Radiation Stickers for your cell phone and laptop:
o https://www.amazon.com/Radiation-Protection-Labobbon-Household-Appliances/dp/B078SSD6QC
· We also try to use the ‘cleanest’ hygiene products we can find. There are many harmful chemicals in our everyday toothpastes, shampoos, deodorants, etc. Chemicals to avoid in hygiene products below:
o Shampoo – Sodium Lauryl Sulfate, Sodium Laureth Sulfate, basically any ‘sulfate,’ Parabens, Sodium Benzoate. Brands that we like are: 100% Pure, Acure, Alaffia
o Toothpaste – Sodium Lauryl Sulfate, Sodium Laureth Sulfate, basically any ‘sulfate’, fluoride, triclosan, DEA, Propylene Glycol, Microbeads. One of the worst toothpaste brands out there is Colgate. We use Himalaya Botanique & Nature’s Gate as well as Dr. Bronner’s All-In-One toothpaste.
o Deodorant – Aluminum, Parabens, Triclosan, DEA, Propylene Glycol. We have been testing out natural deodorants for years and our favorite (although not vegan) is from a company called Primally Pure. We’ve also started to use a brand called Joyous Organics with clean (and minimal) ingredients.
o A great website to reference for beauty product ingredients and their safety is https://www.ewg.org/
§ Skin Deep Database – This is where you will find clean products to put on your body.
· https://www.ewg.org/skindeep/

· The Clean Fifteen and Dirty Dozen
o The EWG, each year, comes out with an updated list of produce that we should be buying organic 100% of the time (Dirty Dozen), especially people like you and I who have had cancer. The Clean fifteen can be purchased conventionally if you can’t find them in an organic form and conventional is the only option
o https://www.ewg.org/foodnews/clean-fifteen.php
o https://www.ewg.org/foodnews/dirty-dozen.php

· The link below is a good read on Monsanto’s Glyphosate and the timeline for removal in home use:
o https://www.ewg.org/news-insights/news-release/2021/07/bayer-end-residential-sales-cancer-causing-weedkiller-glyphosate?utm_source=newsletter&utm_campaign=202108News&utm_medium=email&emci=9a939839-bef6-eb11-b563-501ac57b8fa7&emdi=4d3bfe91-dbf7-eb11-b563-501ac57b8fa7&ceid=2210188
These are things that we have done and have found to be successful so far with my body, and hopefully, they are helpful for you as well. I have also included some images below that show how damaging the effects of Wi-Fi radiation (and all of the radiation coming from electronics) can be.
submitted by Wide_Entrepreneur928 to glioblastoma [link] [comments]


2024.06.07 20:14 packmanwiscy r/NFL Top 100 Players of the 2023 Season - #100-91

Welcome to The 100-91 Reveal for the NFL Top 100 Players of the 2023 Season!

Players whose average rank landed them in places 100-91 are on this portion of the list revealed today. Players are associated with the team they finished playing for at the end of the 2023 season
Below you will see some write-ups from the community summarizing the players’ 2023 season and why they were among the best in 2023. Stats for each player are included below. Additionally, their ranks from previous years are available for y’all to see

METHODOLOGY

Link to more detailed writeup on our methodology
And without further ado, here are the players ranked 100-91 in the NFL Top 100 Players of the 2023 Season!

#100 - Stefon Diggs - Buffalo Bills - Wide Receiver

Previous Ranks
2022 2021 2020 2019 2018 2017 2016 2015
22 38 10 74 N/A N/A N/A N/A​
Written by: u/BlackTieClip
Following yet another offseason of cryptic tweets and drama, Stefon Diggs showed up from the onset of the 2023 season as red hot as the lasers he was catching off the arm of Josh Allen - making it clear he came to play and leave everything out on the field. However, 2023 was a tale of two Diggs’ - and that's not a reference to Stefon's brother, Trevon, who unfortunately was out for the season prior to their two teams facing off in week 15.
Through the first 6 games of the year, Stefon Diggs was averaging 8 catches, 104 Yards, and nearly a touchdown per game. During that time, the Bills passing offense funneled the ball through Diggs and relied on his ability to make plays all over the field to remain productive. Diggs answered the call and delivered the type of results we've come to expect of him, however just like the team itself, Diggs’ season would fall off pretty harshly following the team's week 6 match up against the Giants. In the 11 remaining games of the season, he failed to produce a single 100-yard outing and would only catch 3 more total touchdowns on the year. It's important to acknowledge that the Bills as a whole struggled offensively between weeks 5 and 10, directly leading to Offensive Coordinator Ken Dorsey's firing after Buffalo’s week 10, 24-22, loss to Denver - a game in which Diggs only caught 3 passes for a total of 34 yards.
Once Joe Brady stepped in as Interim Coordinator, the Bills offense began healing as a result of changes made to their strategy, changes which resulted in a more balanced attack that trusted the run game and prioritized spreading passes around to a wider selection of targets in the air. This shift meant Diggs was on the field less, in addition to receiving less targets when he was out there running routes. The impact of this change is most plainly obvious when comparing Diggs’ stats from weeks 1-8 to 9-16. While this adjustment ultimately worked out in Buffalo's favor (they would close out the last 7 games of the year with a 6-1 record), it did drive an unfortunate statistical drop for Diggs. Diggs would still flash his elite hands and skills often enough to finish the season respectively though, earning a spot in the pro-bowl as well as finishing #13 in total receiving yards and #7 in total receptions. Tragically, what he will probably be remembered most for this past year (at least in the minds of Bills Mafia) will be the ugly, game-altering drop he had late in the Divisional round matchup against Kansas City.
Throughout 2023 there were all manner of rumors on whether Diggs was playing through an undisclosed injury or experiencing a falling out with the organization, true or not, it would be foolish to claim that Diggs isn't still a premier pass catcher in the NFL. Now a Houston Texan, Stefon Diggs will serve as another weapon for C.J. Stroud to take advantage of in 2024. Assuming he doesn't destroy the culture in Houston by manifesting into some sort of target-hoovering diva-demon like all the tired sports media personalities predict, expect the former Bills Captain to be a key contributor for the Texans next year.

#99 - Lavonte David - Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Off-Ball Linebacker

Previous Ranks
2022 2021 2020 2019 2018 2017 2016 2015 2014 2013 2012
60 95 43 76 N/A 35 N/A 99 27 11 N/A​
Written by: u/Ronon_Dex
After flirting with retirement and leaving Tampa Bay last offseason, Lavonte David stuck around for another year as a Buccaneer - year 12 (and soon to be year 13). And it paid off, yet again, as David stayed the impactful, complete LB he has been for over a decade.
Playing 956 (98%) defensive snaps, David was impactful across the board, recording 99 tackles (134 combined per pfr) with a 5.7% missed tackle rate, 4.5 sacks with 19 total pressures on only 76 pass rush opportunities, 5 forced incompletions and 1.1 yards per cover snap, and a ridiculous 61 run stops and 17 TFLs. His coverage stats took a bit of a dip from the past, but he was still solid while being incredibly impactful against the run. He's smart - see here how he diagnoses quickly, and beats the blocker to the spot before sticking the TE for a loss. He's exceptional at slithering through OLs - see here and here how he uses his speed and awareness to split through holes in the line and finish the play before it can start. Despite being 33, he's still really fast - if you're late on rotating in pass protection, he's already past you and sacking the QB. And he's always had a nose for the football.
David has been one of my favorite players of the 2010s and it will be sad to see him go. Few LBs are as complete as Lavonte has been for his career - he can do everything you want from an offball LB. Given that he's likely to retire pretty soon, this might be the last time he appears on this list, so I'm gonna break the rules a bit. Lavonte has always stood out statistically in two ways, by forcing fumbles and TFLs. As for FFs, the only LB with more is Cornelius Bennett, who was somewhat of a hybrid rushbacke4-3 OLB. Which means that among true off ball LBs, nobody has forced more fumbles than Lavonte David (tbf only tracked reliably since 1993). Similarly, I've never seen a player as adept at slicing through blockers to make a TFL. He has 160 career TFLs, 9th all time. No other offball LB is in the top 20, and only 4 other LBs have even 100. We might as well start giving out the "Lavonte David award" to whoever leads LBs in TFLs.
Put him in the HOF, cowards.

#98 - Bradley Chubb - Miami Dolphins - EDGE Rusher

Previous Ranks
2022 2021 2020 2019 2018
N/A N/A N/A N/A N/A​
Written by: u/cnvas_home
One word has followed Chubb throughout his career: Dynamic. Coming into his second year in a Dolphins jersey off a five-year, $110 million contract extension (recently restructured in the wake of injury)—Chubb managed to arguably elevate to higher levels of said dynamic play than even in previous seasons that saw him earn Pro Bowl recognition.
In 16 games this season, Chubb managed to thrive in a defense that utilized its front 7 in unconventional manners. Of the 837 snaps Chubb played: 36% of snaps against the rush, 57% against the pass, and 7% in pass coverage (top 20 in EDGE coverage snaps…over a dozen in the slot). Amongst his position, Chubb posted a top 10 pass rush win rate per ESPN along with top 15 pass rush and top 5 coverage grades per PFF respectively. This showed with 11 sacks, 73 total tackles, 44 hurries, and 6 forced fumbles (t-1st in NFL) over the season.
Chubb has an uphill battle going into the next season with a torn ACL acquired in Week 17 against the Ravens. Still in the prime of his career and a leader within the locker room, Chubb certainly seeks to return to this level of form as soon as possible. There's a lot of money on the table for him.

#97 - Kolton Miller - Las Vegas Raiders - Offensive Tackle

Previous Ranks
2022 2021 2020 2019 2018
N/A N/A N/A N/A N/A​
Written by: u/ExpirjTec
Offensive tackles have always been highly sought after for one important reason; to keep their franchise quarterback healthy. Miller had a slightly different objective; keep Jimmy Garoppolo handsome, it's fine if he misses the season since he was far from a franchise quarterback; but Miller excelled, allowing the least pressures (only 16 pressures per PFF, compared to 18 for Tyron Smith and Trent Williams) out of any premier tackle. While he missed a few games due to a shoulder injury, Miller put in enough work to prove he's a top 100 player in the league.
Always one of the more underappreciated OTs in the league, Miller's impact was best felt by his absence; in the first missed game of his career, Jets defenders got to Aidan O'Connell several times, and the rest of the offensive line just looked flimsy.
Combining agile, quick footwork with enough armpower to seal off some of the biggest men in the NFL, Miller quietly dominated opposing pass rushers, and #74 could even scale multiple levels on the run to help his team generate big plays. Even when it didn't seem like there was much worth fighting for, Miller never gave up hope.

#96 - Dion Dawkins - Buffalo Bills - Offensive Tackle

Previous Ranks
2022 2021 2020 2019 2018 2017
N/A N/A N/A N/A N/A N/A​
Written by: u/Man_0n_F1re
The shnowman cracks the top 100 this year after a dominating performance in the trenches all season long. While offensive line play can be hard to parse and judge, Dawkins ranked 4th in the league among OTs in pass rush win rate at 93% and only allowed 1 sack. The 30-year-old from New Jersey (famously the home of the Giants and Jets) also provided numerous rare O-line highlights, such as the absolute shnowplow of a block he delivered against the Cowboys’ Damone Clark. His arguably career-best season also saw him named to the Pro Bowl for the third straight year.
The Bills shook up their skill positions on offense this off-season, but the core of the offensive line remains largely the same, and Dawkins will certainly be a leader of the unit. This off-season he signed a 3-year, $60.5 million extension, making him one of the highest-paid offensive linemen in the league. He has played in at least 15 games each season of his career so far, and Buffalo is clearly banking on his production to continue as the rest of the offense takes a new shape.
This year, Dawkins was also Buffalo's nominee for the Walter Payton Man of the Year award, due in large part to his foundation Dion's Dreamers, which provides mentoring services to troubled youth. Dawkins has become highly involved in the Buffalo community since being drafted in the 2nd round in 2017.

#95 - James Cook - Buffalo Bills - Running Back

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2022
N/A​
Written by: u/packmanwiscy
Being a running back in Josh Allen’s offense is a bit tricky. Allen is virtually a one-man offense, willing to not only sling the rock deep but also bruise out some yards on the ground for himself. For most of Allen’s tenure in Buffalo, Bills running backs haven’t been the most productive, failing to produce a single season with more than 1,100 scrimmage yards. When Buffalo selected James Cook in the 2nd round of the draft last year, they sought to give Allen a workhorse back that could efficiently eat touches and take the load off of Allen just a bit. After a timeshare in the first year, the Bills let Devin Singletary walk and gave Cook the lead back role, and he did not disappoint.
James Cook is a true modern running back. His lightning quick acceleration allows him to hit holes hard and bounce outside if they’re plugged. He’s not the biggest or strongest back, but he can still shrug off arm tackles and churn for extra yards. Pass catching out of the backfield is a key part of his game as well, for a running back he’s very proficient at route running, catching the ball in stride, and running after the catch. He does everything you want out of a running back in the 2020’s NFL, and he rewarded the Bills with the 6th most scrimmage yards in the league. He’ll have to do quite a bit to pass his brother in career stats, but this season was a great start.

#94 - Elgton Jenkins - Green Bay Packers - Offensive Guard

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2022 2021 2020 2019
N/A N/A 77 N/A​
Key Stat:
Written by: u/Letsgomountaineers5
One of the most powerful and positionally versatile offensive linemen in the NFL, Elgton Jenkins’ value to, and dominance on, the Packers OL has more than earned him his place on this list. Elgton is the engine that makes the Packers' run game go. Whether it be trapping, wrapping, or pulling to lead, Elgton is the Packers’ most-pulled lineman and their best (and one of THE best in the league) elevator to the second level on inside zone and duo run plays. Finally able to hunker down and stay, more or less, in the same position for a full season, Elgton was the driving influence on the Packers finishing top 10 in yards per attempt and top half in overall rushing offense, even while being near the bottom of the NFL in called run plays. It has yet to be mentioned how great he was in pass protection this year, as well. With a younger QB who at times held the ball a bit too long, Elgton allowed 0 sacks and had one of the lowest pressure rates allowed in football.
As mentioned before, Elgton is a dominant player in the run game because of the power he executes his blocks. His main weakness throughout his career has been his feet and ability to play in space, but this year he was tasked with reaching, trapping, and pulling to lead more than ever before. And as demonstrated here, he excelled in that role. The Packers were at their best when Jenkins was tasked with doubling and elevating or climbing to the second level immediately. Here, he displaces the LOS, comes off the 3T, and gets to the backer to create a lane for the back to follow into the endzone. In this example, the player engaged with the LT does not cross the LT’s face, so he quickly climbs to backer and creates a cut back lane for the back to gain 6-7 yards. As you can see, much of what the Packers did in the run game centered around 74, and he delivered time and time again.
In the pass game, Elgton used his strong anchor and well-timed striking to shut down every interior defensive lineman he faced. 0 sacks allowed, an absurdly low 4.4% pressure rate allowed, and the sheer dominance he displayed on tape has led many experts to call him a top 3 pass protecting guard in all of football. This is probably his biggest area of growth once making it to the NFL, as he always had the power in his lower half, but has improved his base and hand placement to truly stonewall any bull rushes he faces. And if you try and get cute by swimming or, god forbid, knowing your beat and jumping to swat the ball. Well, you will probably end up on your ass. He rose to the highest levels of competition, repeatedly shutting down (three examples there) the likes of Aaron Donald on a game-by-game basis.
Overall, Elgton Jenkins continues to push the established elite at the guard position, and with continued technical improvement, he looks to rise even higher on this list next season.

#93 - Will Anderson Jr - Houston Texans - EDGE Rusher

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N/A
Written by:u/ExpirjTec
Will Anderson. What a full grown manderson. Only a rookie, but already the most electric pass rusher we've had since JJ Watt. His early season stats didn't quite show it, but since week 1 he's performed at a high rate already producing one of the top pressure rates in the league and opening up opportunities for the rest of the banderson. In four months, people went from criticizing Demeco and Caserio for trading a supposedly massive draft haul to Arizona for Anderson to realizing the incredible positive impact that the trade had. All according to planderson.
In his first season, Anderson showcased great pass rush ability, always working his way into the pocket, stuffed the run effectively, and even blocked a field goal; WAJ Swat, amirite? In fact, Lil Jon is rumored to be working on a song called "Turn Down for Wanderson", Daniels music video and all. JJ Watt is one of the all-time greats, but are the Terminator-Megawatt comparisons valid? Can Area 51 stand on the same ground as the Milkman?
(Yes, those are all real nicknames.)
Anderson's rookie year compares nicely with JJ’s , both on stat sheets and the eye test, and both got even better as the year went on; WAJ also walked away with the DROY award (though he didn't have to compete with Von Miller and... Aldon Smith?) Will he follow the same trajectory as JJ? In fact, he doesn't need to. It's fine if he doesn't. We don't need the greatest defensive end of the century, because Will Anderson is already damn good, does his job, and is certain to improve even further. Maybe he'll end with a gold jacket in Canton, maybe he won't, but we don't need that. What expectations we do have of him, he's easily exceeding, and on his current trajectory -- whether JJ-like or not -- he'll continue to exceed them for a long, long, time.

#92 - Deebo Samuel - San Francisco 49ers - Wide Receiver

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2022 2021 2020 2019
N/A 10 N/A N/A​
Written by: u/scmsf49
Deebo Samuel's 2023 season saw him compile 1117 total yards and 12 total touchdowns in 15 games (though that 15 includes a weird injured decoy game with 0 targets, a game with 9 snaps, and a quarter in a meaningless week 18). The best metric to summarize the impact that he has on the team: the 49ers were 11-1 when Deebo played more than 33% of snaps in a game and 1-4 when he did not.
8.8 yards after the catch per reception ranked first among receivers, making this the fourth consecutive season that Deebo holds that distinction (and he was 2nd as a rookie). The ascension of Brandon Aiyuk and full season from offensive player of the year Christian McCaffrey shrunk the role of one of the league's most exciting players, but he made the most of the opportunities he got, ranking 8th in yards per target among players with 1000 yards.
The most memorable game of the year for him is undeniably his hat trick against the Eagles amidst a tense race for the 1 seed, capped off by a 46 yard all-YAC touchdown. Contrary to popular belief, this is actually not how he gets all of his touches. His longest touchdown of the season, a 54 yarder against Seattle, and one of his back shoulder TDs (a new feature off the offense this year!) put the wide in wide back to remind fans (and a couple loud players) that Deebo is more than capable of killing you on traditional routes.
This was the final season for #19 in the Bay Area (because he's changing his jersey number to 1) and he once again left it all out there, putting together enough production to clinch a spot on this list despite a diminished role.

#91 - Justin Simmons - Denver Broncos - Safety

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2022 2021 2020 2019 2018 2017 2016
69 59 55 24 N/A N/A N/A​
Written by: u/BlindManBaldwin
Winners are remembered. The glory of sports comes from hoisting a trophy at the end, and everyone who touches it becomes immortal. To those who never touch it, they can still create a legacy through winning in other ways: big regular season games to get into the playoffs, and perhaps even winning a couple games in the tournament.
In this lens — losers have no space. Those who come up short get nothing. Sports are zero-sum. There are always winners and losers. Every immortality comes with a death.
Justin Simmons played 118 games with the Denver Broncos since 2016. In his rookie year, the team went 9-7 but missed the playoffs. In every subsequent season, the Broncos had a losing record. Despite his All-Pro play, Simmons never played in a meaningful football game in late December or January. In a team with a history of winning — Justin Simmons was a loser.
A ball on a memorial in 2021. Spending a weekend at charity events in the city months after getting cut. Maybe the problem is the binary. Pursuit of immortality driving everyone mad to the point of blindness. There is the trophy and that matters, but there are more things in life too. There are the connections. There are the emotions.
Justin Simmons never won a big game in Denver. He never played in one. But in 2023 — as he had done throughout his career — he proved himself worthy of immortality in the Ring high above.

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2024.06.07 20:01 No_Department9193 Need Marriage Help, Want Divorce After 2 Months

Salam everyone,
I hope everyone’s doing well, or at least better than I have been. I just want to preface this by saying I know I should have made the relstionship halal a long time ago, so please focus on my current situation rather than how I was in a haram relationship. I got engaged to my girlfriend in 1 year, then had the nikkah about 14 months later due to many family and other related reasons. I am now in the second month of my marriage and I am not really happy at all.
Here’s a little context on our current situation, before I dive into some brief points that I noted of many things that bother me a lot where there seem to be no proper resolution.
We both have got married about 2 months ago through a love marriage. Both the families initially got along quite well because we were from the same place back home in India. Things moved alhumdullilah pretty well and it looked like we were going to get married. We had a lot of issues as a couple together, I would like to best describe us as amazing and almost undefeatable when we are happy and well, and the complete polar opposite of resent and hate when we are fighting. I knew we had our fair share if issues, but thought what relationship doesn’t? And that things will inshallah turn for the better after making things halal and having barakah in our marriage.
I also want a little back story on myself. I have been working a fulltime job for over 5 years now making decent money while living with my parents. Unfortunately, we had a pretty large financial loss where we lost mostly all our family money so my parents and I would have to continue renting and the possibility of owning a home would happen maybe in the next 5-10 years, with 10 being more likely with how expensive real estate and cost of living is in canada. I communicated this to my then girlfriend and she was fully aware and supportive. I have always been very ambitious, driven, and have a high will to provide for my family. So I knew within a matter of time I would prevail. But for the time being, she would need to live with me and my 2 parents.
The reason I bring this up is because I feel some to most of our problems would likely be solved if we moved into another home and away from my parents. That really pains me to say because my parents rely on me to take care of them. This has always been a top priority for me which is why I made that very clear from the get go. I said no matter what, atleast for 5-10 years we would need to live together so I can take care of them and eventually we can buy our own house nearby. She understood because she would want her brothers to do the same thing for her mom and dad as well.
Now fast forward to now, I have listed my top points of frustration, without going into to much personal detail, I want to keep things vague as possible to preserve anonymity.
  1. Doesn’t practice what she preaches: she will constantly teach me things that she doesnt do herself, which I cant do for her. For example, she will say when im upset, I need to communicate it to her in a way that doesnt make her feel bad. She does not do that, rather makes me feel horrible. If I call her out on it, it just triggers her more. We have talked about this.
  2. Doesnt take care of herself: she will drink up to 3-4 sugar drinks per day. That usually is a combination of ice capps and coke/pepsi. She wont get out of bed without an ice cap on her bedside which I get for her every morning. I have told her that I love her so much and would hate for something to happen to her body and health, but she gets triggered, becomes stubborn, and does not listen.
  3. Doesnt allow me to care of her: Piggybacking off last line, if I see something that could negatively effect her like smoking shisha multiple times a week, she will get upset. Or if I seen she hasnt eaten all day and ask her to eat with me, she gets upset.
  4. Stubborn child: If she is set on something, it will happen no matter what under her own accord
  5. Disobedient, does her own thing as if she were single: will stay out with my car, letting people I don’t want to be driving it, and simply acts like she doesnt have a responsibility to her husband to tell him what she is doing
  6. Severe anger + treats me like dirt when mad: the worst anger I have ever seen in someone. Someone who will rain hell on you with 0 remorse over and over again until her emotional arguments win and you have to apologize to things you didnt do without her taking accountability on her own actions. Will also treat the rest of my day with anger, passive aggression, and will effect my family and other parts of my life such as my business and job in a negative way
  7. Loads of passive aggression: If unresolved feelings, this comes up but I understand this and realize this is a relatively normal reaction for someone feeling hurt and unheard
  8. Interrupts me frequently: rarely lets me finish my sentences when asked on topics of that concern me. She will interrupt me so much to the point I forget what I even wanted to say
  9. Gaps in her past: Questionable gaps in her past with previous relationships that still to this day make no sense. She opened up to me on her previous sins at her own will, and did effect me to some level. I did forgive her for it, although the stuff she has told me never really made sense and felt like lies.
  10. Past affecting intimacy: a lot of trauma from previous intimate relationship, that to this day effects our intimacy. She says its not entirely from that, but I don’t really believe her unfortunately from again the gaps in her story about her past
  11. Encourages me to sin indefinitely until she is ready to help me: she wants me to masturbate every morning and night, and will only do it herself if she is in the mood. I am not allowed to ask her and make her feel bad if she says no. Which apparently I can’t have a negative reaction and only happy and loving to her, which is not fair. So because of this, she wants me to leave the room and deal with it.
  12. Deceived me about something important: relating to intimacy, very important to me and would have been taken better by me if she was honest from when I met her instead of her telling me the truth 6 weeks into our marriage.
  13. Does not respect parents enough to value their love for her: she will rarely spend time with my mom and dad even though they love her so much. They just want to spend maybe 5-10 minutes a day with her, and she will find every reason to avoid. She will go days without talking to them, while living in the same house. Will want to order out or go out for dinner. This I feel would improve if we got our own house, but is not realistic for the next 5-10 years, will potentially ruin their relationship
  14. Does not want to eat with family: she does not eat breakfast, lunch or even dinner with me, let alone with my family or siblings if they come over on the weekend. She will choose to stay stubborn and not eat until they have all left.
  15. Does not want to contribute to house chores, would rather choose to live separate in the same house
  16. Treats taking care of husband as a chore: anytime I ask her to make me something, she will say no or make excuses not to. Other than making noodles and chai once, she hasnt really taken her job as a wife to a working man seriously enough. She got upset that I bought food for lunch, when she didnt care to even pack me one or offer.
  17. Forgets meaningful dates or follows through with what was planned: my birthday came and she didn’t even realize it was my birthday until the next day when I woke her up at 3pm asking if she had anything planned for the day. She completely forgot and told me she would cook me an omelette for breakfast. I waited the entire morning thinking she would surprise me, but she never ended up doing it. I dont really care for birthdays, but it sucks when all your friends and family are messaging you at midnight and the next morning and your very own wife doesnt say or do anything. Then later she runs to the store and buys me gifts to make up for it
  18. Wakes up at 3pm, doesnt care to ask husband if he needs anything to eat or drink. Will stay in room till evening and will ask husband to go grab her things from downstairs, while he is working
  19. Expects working husband to also help out around the room, while she has no responsibilities to make his life easier
  20. Mentions when she starts working, to expect nothing from her and which is why I should be motivated to retire her
  21. Doesnt like being critiqued on things, as it will in fact demotivate her or pressure her to improve on those things, which will in turn push her further and further away
  22. She doesnt really pray namaz either, she has prayed once since we got married and that was for jummah. She doesnt want me to remind her either because again, it will just pressure her and push her further away. Im not super consistent either, but I try my best to pray atleast 2-3 salahs per day with goals of all 5 inshallah.
Please also keep in mind that I love this girl very much and there are things that I do love about her. She’s really caring she’s nurturing and she’s very supportive of my goals and dreams. There were many times in our relationship or I just wanted to give up, but then we worked it out at the end and stayed together. Please keep in mind that aside from everything. I do see a little girl in her that I love and care for a lot. I wouldn’t want to do anything to hurt her or her family. I am a very selfless person that tends to people please a lot. Maybe that’s why it’s been so difficult for me.
Also, I did in anger while we were fighting mention I want a divorce from her. I did it on two occasions, and she has forgived me, however she says it makes her feels really unstable and she would need me to sign a document stating I will never divorce her in the future and to have that notarized. I realize I made a mistake, but I dont want to give up such a massive right that I have, especially with how I have been treated
Also keep in mind that there are three sides to a story. This is my version she will have her version and then there will be the actual truth of the entire situation.
I am so lost and confused, what do I do? Is this normal? Do I keep trying to be the provider husband that I strive to be? Please help me.
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2024.06.07 19:51 chronic314 The Politics of Child Sexual Abuse: Notes from American History Linda Gordon

https://sci-hub.st/10.1057/fr.1988.4 Feminist Review, No. 28, Family Secrets: Child Sexual Abuse (Spring, 1988), pp. 56-64
In the early 1970s, when a radical feminist consciousness pulled [incestuous abuse] out of the closet, we thought we were engaged in an unprecedented discovery. In fact, charity volunteers and social workers a century earlier dealt with incest cases daily, understanding them to be a standard, expected part of the caseload of a child-protective agency such as a Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children. How are we to explain this historical amnesia? Like the suppression of so much women's history and feminist analysis, this hiatus was not created simply by the decline in feminism between 1920 and 1970, but by an active reinterpretation of child sexual abuse. I shudder when I think about what this meant: not only because of the incest victims rendered invisible and mute, but also because of its threat to us today, the threat that great achievements in consciousness-raising can be rolled back by powerful ideological tanks. My motives in writing a history of family violence were thus far from disinterested.[1]
Charity and social workers in the late nineteenth-century United States were familiar with child sexual abuse and knew that its most common form of abuse was intrafamilial—that is, incest. Ten per cent of the family-violence case records of Boston child-saving agencies which I sampled, starting in 1880, contained incest (Gordon and O'Keefe, 1986; Gordon, 1984). Moreover, in their upper-class way these child savers had a feminist analysis of the problem: they blamed male brutality and lack of sexual control. They could safely offer such explanations because they believed the problem to occur exclusively among the Catholic immigrant poor, whom they perceived as of "inferior stock," crowded "like animals" into urban ghettoes. Thus, ironically, the very upper-class base of child-rescue work at the time promoted the identification of problems unmentionable by standards of Victorian propriety.
Despite these class limitations, the sympathy for child victims entailed by this sensibility was one of the major achievements of the nineteenth-century feminist movement. The attack on male sexual and familial violence was often disguised in temperance rhetoric. American women's historians have recently conducted a reinterpretation of temperance, acknowledging its anti-Catholic, anti-working class content, but also identifying its meanings for women contesting the evils that alcohol created for them and their families: violence, disease, impoverishment, male irresponsibility. Moreover, the feminist anti-violence campaign had significant successes. In the course of the century wife-beating was transformed from an acceptable practice into one which, despite its continued widespread incidence, was illegal and reprehensible, a seamy behaviour which men increasingly denied and tried to hide (Pleck, 1979). Indeed, the whole movement against child abuse which began in the 1870s was a product of a feminist sensibility in several ways: first, in opposing corporal punishment and preference for gentler methods of child training; second, in challenging the sanctity of the Victorian home and authority of the paterfamilias. Most manuals of child raising by the last quarter of the nineteenth century recommended physical punishment only as a last resort (Reposter note: Of course, this would still be child abuse. "Child training" is still a dehumanizing term. They didn't go anywhere nearly far enough.), and women's legal victories in child custody created a preference for maternal rights to children for a century.
Consider a few examples of incest cases from the late nineteenth century:[2]
In 1900 a thirteen year old girl has been placed out with a family in which the wife is absent. The SPCC worker reports that the "child's bed not slept in but [the father's bed is] much tumbled. The girl cries and dreads the night." (Case #1820A)
An incest victim reports, sometime in the 1890s, that her father "told her that it was all right for him to do such things and say such things to her, for all fathers did so with their daughters. Tried to force her to go to a hotel in Boston with him once. Also advised her to go with fellows to get money. Said that if she got in trouble he would help her out.…" (Case #2058A)
There were hundreds of these stories telling us not only that [incestuous abuse] occurred, but that child-saving agencies were aware of it and taking action against it. The publicity and fund-raising efforts of the Massachusetts Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children focussed on intrafamily "carnal abuse" directly, unembarrassed to include it as part of the need for SPCC intervention.
In the early twentieth century the child-savers' view of child sexual assault changed significantly, and incest was de-emphasized. By the 1920s, although child-protective agencies continued to meet many incest cases, a three-part interpretive transformation had occurred: the locus of the problem was moved from home to streets, the culprit transformed from father or other authoritative male family member to perverted stranger, the victim transformed from innocent betrayed to sex delinquent. In other words, the fact that child sex abuse is overwhelmingly a family problem was obscured; instead it was pictured as rape by strangers on the streets. (Anna Clark has shown how a similar reinterpretation of adult rape took place (Clark, 1987).) This is not to say that there was no extrafamilial sex abuse; there was, but, compared to incest, it was greatly exaggerated in both public and professional discourse.
Several factors contributed to this reinterpretation. The professionalization of social work tended to weaken the influence of feminists and social reformers among child protectors, even as, ironically, more women entered child welfare casework as salaried workers. After the women's suffrage victory in 1920 the organized feminist movement fragmented and weakened. During World War I venereal disease became a major problem for the armed forces (it was for this reason that condoms became widely available at this time, first issued by the Navy to sailors); servicemen were presented as victims of disease-ridden prostitutes. After the war, fears of Bolshevism, sexual freedom, and feminism combined to create a "pro-family" backlash.
The implications of this reinterpretation of child sexual abuse were pernicious for women and girls. The existence of sexual abuse became evidence requiring the constriction and domestication of girls, and their mothers were blamed for inadequate supervision if the girls were molested or even played on the streets. What was once categorized as carnal abuse, the perpetrators virtually all male, was often now categorized as moral neglect—meaning that the mother was the culprit and the behaviour of the victim was implicated. Some of the "sex abuse" was relatively noncoercive teenage sexuality. Female juvenile sex delinquency was constructed as a major social problem in early twentieth-century America, and it was a vague, victimless crime. Girls who smoked and drank, dressed or spoke immodestly, or simply loitered on the streets were convicted of sex delinquency in substantial numbers and sent to reformatories (Schlossman and Wallach, 1978). During World War I near armed-forces bases it was the servicemen who were the innocents, their girl partners the sources of pollution. Even girls who had been raped were no longer victims but temptresses. I do not mean to deny that some girls behaved in socially dangerous and self-destructive ways, nor that they sought out sexual adventure but, as many students of sex delinquents and other runaways today have observed, high proportions, quite possibly a majority of these girls, were first victims of sexual assault, typically familial. They were, so to speak, squeezed out onto the streets in search of safety and/or self-esteem from homes that were even more destructive than the street boys or men who exploited them.
Above all, this reinterpretation of child sexual abuse removed scrutiny from family and home, restoring the curtain of impunity that surrounded those sacred institutions. This was the period of the discovery of the "dirty old man," the "sex fiend," and the "pervert," the stereotypical culprit in child sex abuse cases in the 1930s, 1940s and 1950s. As before, I do not wish to deny that such figures existed. Child protection agencies uncovered child prostitution, pornography rings and sex criminals who molested literally scores of children. The victims were not always brutalized; the children of the very poor—not only in the Depression but in earlier decades too—could be bribed into acquiescence and silence with a nickel, an orange, a pail of coal. However, even these nonfamilial molesters were rarely "strangers." They were often neighbours, accepted members of communities, often small businessmen or janitors who had access to private space.
There were two peak periods of hysteria about sex crimes: 1937-40 and 1949-55. The panic had official government sponsorship, led by none less that J. Edgar Hoover, head of the FBI. In 1937 he called for a "War on the Sex Criminal." Hoover's rantings about "degenerates" threatening "American childhood and womanhood" assimilated these sexual anxieties to nationalism, racism and anti-Communism. It bears notice that, in contrast to earlier periods of public agitation against sex crimes, as in campaigns to raise the age of consent in the Progressive era, women's organizations played no role in this campaign (Freedman, 1987).
Meanwhile social workers became less likely to investigate girls' typically euphemistic accusations of their fathers.
In 1935 a mother turned her daughter in for sex delinquency. Investigation reveals that the daughter, fleeing from an abusive father, who also beat his wife severely, had spent most of her time for 4-5 years with her maternal uncle and aunt. She accused her maternal uncle of molesting her steadily. However, the MSPCC physical exam indicated that she was a virgin,[3] so no action was taken. (#3555A)
A battered woman, terrified of her husband, is told by their daughter, who has become a "sex delinquent," behaving "vulgarly," that her father has criminally assaulted her. The mother says "she would speak to him." At court the police chief says he is doubtful about taking up the case as the girl's word is the only evidence the Government could produce; he would not question the father "as it would be asking [him] to incriminate himself." The daughter was committed to an institution. (#2057A)
In 1920 a mother is so fearful that her new husband will abuse her daughter (from a previous marriage) that every time she goes out she hires a babysitter to chaperone them. Yet when the daughter, now eleven, says she has been raped by a "stranger" whom she refuses to name, the social workers not only fail to question whether she might be shielding her stepfather, but decide that her accusation is not credible and brand her a delinquent—a liar, immoral, and uncontrollable. She is boarded out as a domestic. (#3085A)
In 1930 a 14-year-old girl alleges sexual abuse by her widowed father and begs to be taken out of his home. No action is taken until the father brings her to court on stubborn-child charges and she, as well as her younger sister whom she has been trying to protect are sentenced, separately, to institutions. (#3585)
In addition to references like these, in which the agencies did not investigate or prosecute, there were many others in which agency workers simply did not pick up the broad hints that girls threw out, hoping to draw attention to their plight. Social workers ignored statements like, "I asked my mother for a lock on my door." These girls were not usually bribed or intimidated into silence. Some of the recent discussion of incest emphasizes victims' fearful silence, but this evidence is based on the work of therapists, counselling incest victims years later, who have often by then reconstructed their stories on the basis of their guilt; my evidence, contemporaneous with the abuse, showed that these children were usually very active in trying to get help, more so, for example, than victims of nonsexual child abuse (Gordon, 1986).
Not only did social workers de-emphasize incest, but academic experts dismissed it as an extremely rare, one-in-a-million occurrence (Weinberg, 1955). Psychoanalytic and anthropological interpretations, associated respectively with Freud and Levi-Strauss, attributed to incest taboos a vital role in the development of civilization; this logic brought with it the assumption that these taboos were effective and that incest was, in fact, rare; but in terms of impact on treatment of actual cases, Freudian thought did not so much cause social workers to deny children's complaints and hints about sexual mistreatment as it offered categories with which to explain away these complaints. As Boston psychiatrist Eleanor Pavenstedt commented in 1954:
Most of us have trained ourselves to skepticism toward the claims of young girls who maintain they have been seduced by their fathers… We must ask ourselves whether our tendency to disbelief is not in part at least based on denial. The incest barrier is perhaps the strongest support of our cultural family structure, and we may well shrink from the thought of its being threatened. (Pavenstedt, 1954)
So did the dominant sociology of the family, which inverted Levi-Strauss's functionalism to prove that the incest taboo was operative because it had to be. For example, "No known human society could tolerate much incest without ruinous disruption" (Gebhard, Gagnon, Pomeroy and Christenson, 1965: 208; Davis, 1949; Bell and Vogel, 1963). The few nonfeminist historians to study incest replicated that error by studying public beliefs about incest, not behaviour (Wohl, 1979; Strong, 1973).
The rediscovery of [incestuous abuse] in the 1970s was, then, merely a reinterpretation, and it did not come quickly. Nonsexual child abuse was resurrected as a social problem in the 1960s in a movement led by physicians but stimulated by the influence of the New Left, with its sympathy for youth and critique of authority and the family. Without pressure from feminists, [incestuous abuse] first reappeared as gender-neutral. Indeed, the very classification of all forms of intrafamily sexual activity as [incestuous abuse] obscures the meanings of these behaviours. For example, sibling sexual activity, or sex between other relatives of approximately the same age, is extremely common, difficult to identify and not necessarily abusive. Mother-child incest is extremely rare and, in my findings, more often than father-child incest, associated with adult mental illness; by contrast incestuous fathers have extremely "normal" profiles (Gordon and O'Keefe, 1984; Herman, 1981). (Reposter note: I am skeptical about these two claims. Maternal CSA is significantly rarer than paternal CSA, yes, but I doubt that it's "extremely" rare, and an analysis of adult supremacy as an axis of oppression intersecting with misogyny clarifies this. I am also skeptical of all pathologization and saneism-inflected broad claims about abuser psychology. I have reason to believe she and her sources were biased by heterosexism in reaching this conclusion. In contrast, youth liberation feminists would emphasize the adultism, domestic power, and authoritarian motives in an intersectional manner.) Yet many child abuse experts throughout the 1970s ignored these gender differences (Kempe, 1980; Money, 1980). Others found ingenious ways of explaining away actuality with speculation about possibility. Thus social worker Kate Rist argued that "society has created a stronger prohibition against mother-son incest" because "it is most likely to occur. This has led to the intriguing situation in which father-daughter incest appears to have a lower natural probability of occurrence, is therefore less strongly prohibited, and in practice occurs more often" (Rist, 1979; 682).
Historians do not usually like to speak of the "lessons of history," as if she were some objective, finally definitive schoolteacher. But in many years of work at the craft, I have never come across a story that so directly yields a moral. The moral is that the presence or absence of a strong feminist movement makes the difference between better and worse solutions to the social problem of child sexual abuse; more, that the very same evidence of sexual abuse will be differently defined in the presence or absence of that movement. Without a feminist analysis, evidence of child sexual abuse means that danger lies in sex perverts, in public spaces, in unsupervised girls, in sexually assertive girls. There are few ironies more bitter than the fact that rape of children—that most heinous of crimes—has also been the crime most drenched in victim-blaming. As with adult rape, child sexual abuse without feminist interpretation supplies evidence and arguments for constricting and disempowering children.
Such a reinterpretation arose again in the United States in the mid-1980s, a reinterpretation aided, of course, by the real and increasing incidence of deranged killers attacking strangers. In the school year 1984/85 my then second-grade daughter was taught three separate programmes in her classroom about how to react to sexual abuse attempts, all of them emphasizing strangers, and all of them gender-neutral. The most publicized sexual abuse cases have concerned daycare centres, and often female teachers, although daycare centres remain, on the whole, among the safest environments for children. The statistics about child sexual abuse remain what they were a century ago: the most dangerous place for children is the home, the most likely assailant their father. Similarly a panic about missing children not only exaggerated their numbers a thousandfold, but completely misstated the source of such "kidnappings": neglecting to mention that noncustodial parents are overwhelmingly the main kidnappers; and that teenage runaways, often from abusive homes, are overwhelmingly the majority of the missing children.
What then is the best policy? My argument should not be taken as an implicit call for de-emphasizing the problem. On the contrary. The children's educational programmes and pamphlets have strengths, particularly in so far as they offer assertiveness training for children: if it feels uncomfortable, trust your judgement and say no; scream loud and run fast; tell someone. Of course it is difficult and inadvisable to sow distrust of fathers, particularly because the more intimate fathers are with children, the more responsibility they have for children, the less likely they will be to abuse them sexually. (Reposter note: I get what she's trying to say here, but this is phrased poorly IMO. Sowing distrust is fine. If it's genuinely unjustified, then the problem will resolve itself.) However, education for children should contain a feminist and an anti-authoritarian analysis: should discuss the relative powerlessness of women and girls, and praise assertiveness and collective resistance in girls; should demystify the family and even discuss that ultimately tabooed subject, economic power in the family. Education for boys must be equally brave and delicate. Boys are children too, and often victimized sexually, but they are also future men, and school age is not too early to ask them to consider what's wrong with male sexual aggression, to teach them to criticize the multiple and powerful cultural messages that endorse male sexual aggression.
Probably the most important single contribution to the prevention of [father-daughter] incest would be the strengthening of mothers. By increasing their ability to support themselves and their social and psychological self-esteem, allowing them to choose independence if that is necessary to protect themselves and their daughters, men's sexual exploitation could be checked. In the historical incest cases I sampled, one of the most consistent common denominators was the extreme helplessness of mothers—often the victims of wife-beating themselves, they were often ill or otherwise isolated, they were the poorest, the least self-confident and the least often employed of mothers in these case records. This is not victim-blaming; their weaknesses were not their fault, but part of the systematic way in which male supremacy gives rise to [father-daughter] incest. It was a gain that wife-beating and [father-daughter] incest have become more criminalized, but we cannot expect women to prosecute aggressively if their prospects for single motherhood are so bleak.
Moreover, women's very subordination often contributes to making them child abusers and neglecters. Although women do not usually abuse children sexually, in these case records they were responsible for approximately half the nonsexual child abuse (the same proportion they occupy in many contemporary studies). Unfortunately, feminists have avoided women's own violence towards children and analysed family violence in terms of stereotypical male brutality and female gentleness. Women's violence should not be regarded as a problem that will somehow weaken our feminist claims; on the contrary, these claims should not rest on assumptions of women's superiority […]. Women's mistreatment of children also needs an analysis of the damages caused by the sexual division of labour and the pattern of women's exclusive responsibility for child-raising. In the US, too, the rather middle-class radical feminist groups never made issues of social services a political priority, although such services are fundamental to women's ability to resist violence, to protect their children, and to parent better themselves.
This is not to say that a good feminist line will solve the problems of child sexual abuse, especially not where the abuse has already occurred. Like everyone else, feminists who deal with policy or individual cases must wobble through many contradictions. For example: the victimization is real, but the tendency to exaggerate its incidence and to produce social and moral panics needs to be resisted. The problem emerges from the powerlessness, the effective invisibility and muteness of women and children, especially girls, but the adult anxiety has led to children's false accusations, and children's sufferings will not be corrected by eroding the due process rights and civil liberties of those accused. Child sexual abuse needs a political interpretation, in terms of male power. However, the prosecution of culprits—however necessary—and the breaking up of families that may result do not always benefit the child victims. Especially if they are incestuous, sex abuse cases have something of the tragic about them, because once they arise, tremendous human damage has already occurred, and a politically correct analysis will not ease the pain. Still, that analysis, situating the problem in the context of male supremacy in and outside the family, is the only long-term hope for prevention.
Notes
Linda Gordon is Professor of History at the University of Wisconsin/Madison. She is the author of Woman's Body, Woman's Right and the forthcoming book on family violence noted below.
[1] My book, Heroes of Their Own Lives: The History and Politics of Family Violence, is forthcoming from Viking/Penguin US in early 1988. References to my sources and more information on my research methodology can be found there.
[2] These and other excerpts are from case records of Boston, Massachusetts, child-protection agencies (see Gordon, 1988).
[3] The standard response to a sex abuse allegation was to look at the condition of the hymen (Gordon, 1988).
References
BELL, Norman and VOGEL, Ezra (1963) editors A Modern Introduction to the Family New York: Free Press.
BREINES, Wini and GORDON, Linda (1983) "The New Scholarship on Family Violence" Signs 8, pp. 490-531.
CLARK, Anna (1987) Women's Silence, Men's Violence: Sexual Assault in England 1770-1845 London: Pandora Press.
DAVIS, Kingsley (1949) Human Society New York: Macmillan.
DUBOIS, Ellen and GORDON, Linda (1983) "Seeking Ecstasy on the Battlefield: Danger and Pleasure in Nineteenth-century Feminist Sexual Thought" Feminist Studies 9, pp. 7-25; also Feminist Review no. 11 (1981).
FREEDMAN, Estelle B. (1987) "'Uncontrolled Desires': The Response to the Sexual Psychopath, 1920-1960" Journal of American History Vol. 74, no. 1, pp. 83-106.
GEBHARD, Paul, GAGNON, J. POMEROY, Wardell and CHRISTENSON, C. (1965) Sex Offenders New York: Harper & Row.
GORDON, Linda and O'KEEFE, Paul (1984) "Incest as a Form of Family Violence: Evidence from Historical Case Records" Journal of Marriage and the Family Vol. 46, no. 1, pp. 27-34.
GORDON, Linda (1986) "Incest and Resistance: Patterns of Father-Daughter Incest, 1880-1930" Social Problems Vol. 33, no. 4, pp. 253-67.
GORDON, Linda (1988) Heroes of Their Own Lives: The Politics and History of Family Violence New York: Viking/Penguin.
HERMAN, Judith (1981) Father-Daughter Incest Cambridge: Harvard University Press.
KAUFMAN, Irving, PECK, Alice L. and TAGIURI, Consuelo K. (1954) "The Family Constellation and Overt Incestuous Relations Between Father and Daughter" American Journal of Orthopsychiatry Vol. 24, pp. 266-79.
KEMPE, C. Henry (1980) "Incest and Other Forms of Sexual Abuse" in KEMPE (1980).
KEMPE, C. Henry and HELFER, Ray (1980) The Battered Child Chicago: University of Chicago Press.
MONEY, John, (1980) Introduction to the incest section in WILLIAMS and MONEY (1980).
PAVENSTEDT, Eleanor (1954) Addendum to KAUFMAN, PECK and TAGIURI (1954).
PLECK, Elizabeth (1979) "Wife Beating in Nineteenth-century America" Victimology Vol. 4, no. 1, pp. 60-74.
RIST, Kate (1979) "Incest: Theoretical and Clinical Views" American Journal of Orthopsychiatry Vol. 49, no. 4, pp. 680-91.
RUSH, Florence (1980) The Best Kept Secret: Sexual Abuse of Children Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice-Hall.
SCHLOSSMAN, Steven and WALLACH, Stephanie (1978) "The Crime of Precocious Sexuality: Female Juvenile Delinquency in the Progressive Era" Harvard Educational Review 48, pp. 65-94.
STRONG, Bryan (1973) "Toward a History of the Experiential Family: Sex and Incest in the Nineteenth-century Family" Journal of Marriage and the Family, Vol. 35, no. 3, pp. 457-66.
WEINBERG, S. (1955) Incest Behavior New York: Citadel Press.
WILLIAMS, Gertrude J. and MONEY, John (1980) editors Traumatic Abuse and Neglect of Children at Home Baltimore: Johns Hopkins.
WOHL, Anthony S. (1979) "Sex and the Single Room: Incest Among the Victorian Working Classes" in The Victorian Family: Structure and Stress ed. Wohl. New York: St Martin's Press.
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2024.06.07 19:50 Mountain-Elk8133 How can I learn to trust?

TLDR: I have a pattern of dating manipulative girls who mold themselves into what I want, leading to trust issues and insecure attachment.
Hello, I am a 25 year old guy who doesn't have the best history with girls or relationships.
Pretty much, every few years I will find myself drifting into a sort of relationship with a girl. We will go on a few dates, start spending time together, and talk about a relationship, even sometimes introduce each other to our friends as boyfriend and girlfriend. Then after about 2 months they always break it off, saying they aren't sure how they feel about me, or only see me as a friend.
Regardless of how often these happen or the circumstances of how we meet or any other details there is a very worrying pattern that has developed. Let me explain.
These girls are Chameleons. What I mean by this is that they mold themselves into the exact person I am looking for. I am a pretty outdoorsy, traditional Christian for reference.
Not sure the best way to explain this, but lets try going over my last example:
I met this girl a while ago and we hit it off pretty well, I asked her on a date and she agreed, turns out we had a lot in common and really connected and went forward with more dates, and had a mutual friend who encouraged me to go forward with it since she said the girl I was dating was worth it for me. As we got more "serious" in conversation about what we were looking for and who we were as individuals, I thought that she was a really good match. She had stated how she doesn't really date a lot of guys, similar goals in life, and the sorts. Out of the blue she broke up with me after about 2 months. It was pretty hard for me. Then a bit later, I start to make friends with guy who happens to be an ex of this girl I dated. Turns out she was engaged to him and they dated for almost 2 years. He broke it off when her shell came off and he learned that she molded herself to be what he wanted. Turns out she was cheating on him.
Needless to say I was very relieved, but also concerned, because every girl I have dated has followed this same pattern. After the break up, I learn the similar thing about the girl.
So to put things nicely, It seems like I have a pattern of dating girls who are manipulative, untrustworthy, immature, and probably not secure in themselves as a person since they have to mold themselves to the guys they date to a T.
In response, I have started to have a very hard time to trust girls who I meet and consider dating, adding to my struggle of attracting girls and getting dates in the first place (another story). How can I trust a girl when all my past experiences have turned out to be lies? How can I just not assume that any future girl is just being manipulative with me? Are these girls taking advantage of me? How can I better Vet girls who I want to date? How can I not become bitter? What is it about me that keeps attracting these girls?
Happy to answer any further questions since I probably didn't write all this out super clearly.
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2024.06.07 19:20 PhilosophyCareful984 I just live with my partner not being attracted to me and it kind of eats me alive.

I'm currently in a streak of wanting to self harm, or just not be around anymore and it's caused by like the dumbest thing imaginable.
None of my partners have ever been physically attracted to me, they lie for a little while that they are and then they drop the act.
It's to the point that in the beginning of our relationship, I asked my current bf to go home and really think about if he was into me or not because I didn't want to get a few months in and be told he's not attracted to me again.
He promised that I was his type and he was attracted to me, a few months later he told me he wasn't attracted to me and had a crush on another woman we see almost everyday.
At this point I've given up, I'm only 22 but it's not possible that I'd just have 3 of the 3 men I've dated tell me the same thing in one way or another by chance.
To add, my appearance has never changed drastically in these relationships, I stay within 10lbs of my weight prior to the relationship and the only major change has been my hair color ( it's gone from blonde to black to brown and red for a while) but none of them have ever cited my hair as the problem.
But, I am fat and plain looking. I have a small ass and pretty bad love handles, the only positive feature I have are my boobs. I'm top heavy and muscular under the fat due to my work ( construction)
I've lost the weight before, got down from 200 to 120 and was still unattractive, I lost any definition I had besides slight muscle, I was still top heavy and would have needed extensive surgery to like how I looked.
I've always been bullied for my appearance by my family, and now my partners.
My current partner hurts the most, I have to go through everyday knowing he's not attracted to me, he's lied before and told me he is, but he's told me twice that he's not physically attracted to me and because of the conditions I was told in I believe the ladder statement.
I try so hard to be what he wants, but it's constantly changing, I've bought so much useless shit just to make him happy and then it changes.
I feel like it extends to other parts of our relationship too, we don't live together and usually just spend weekends together.
The last 2 days he's been more or less ignoring me, the first day he took literally the whole day to jerk off and ignored me, because he can't focus if we're talking the second day I think was the same.
It was our anniversary.
To be fair it wasn't a year or anything important just 10 months but it still hurt to have my messages ignored and my call only last 34 seconds.
That's not even to mention all I do that doesn't get reciprocated, I'm the one to make him go to work, he does doordash and won't usually work unless I'm there which just means we spend our weekends getting him paid.
I buy all of my own food and his 90% of the time, I clean everything because he refuses to, I cook everything because he doesn't know how to and refuses to learn.
I have to shower with him, because he won't by himself, I have to tell him not to argue with his parents, I have to make him pay his bills.
He does do something very important and I don't want to devalue it, I don't drive currently and he picks me up and drops me off when we go out to do what he wants on any particular day.
Which is a lot, but I pay for gas and never ask to go anywhere out of the way, I usually just walk wherever I want because it's never more than a few steps away from wherever he wanted to go.
I buy him small gifts alot and large ones pretty frequently, to which he's admitted he doesn't find as much value in what I give him as what he buys himself.
On the flip side him buying me anything is an extreme struggle, an example being for his birthday I spent $300 on all his gifts and we spent the day celebrating.
For my birthday I had to go half on my gift and we spent the day working and he bought me Taco Bell afterwards.
I just don't feel valuable in any way, I'm not attractive so I'm not valuable in that sense and pretty fucking obviously what I do isn't valuable either.
I used to beg the universe or God or whatever you want to call it to give me someone that loved me and now I'm realizing that it's not what I wanted.
I wanted someone who would love me and desire me, someone who didn't treat me like I'm their mother and they're a bratty child
Someone who would want me around for my presence, who wanted to touch me, to come to bed with me, to cuddle.
But that seems like too much to really ask for, so I think I should just settle for being loved and whatever way someone can love me, even if it's not what I view as love.
Just to add I don't really want to leave my boyfriend he and I have the same issues in a lot of ways and he understands me,
he doesn't get angry when I make random noises or say dumb things or make bad jokes,
he understands that I might have meltdowns and want to be alone, and he kind of understands what I need in those moments.
I can't lose that and be alone again.
I doubt anyone will read all of this, but I'm glad I got to rant about all the things I can't talk about.
submitted by PhilosophyCareful984 to rant [link] [comments]


2024.06.07 19:12 shihomii Survey Results are In

Hello everyone.
A few weeks ago, I created a survey. The purpose of this survey was to gather user input regarding the state of this subreddit, user sentiment, and general feedback. This was done in an effort the help the mod team make better informed decisions regarding mod policy. The survey was originally going to stay up for one week, before being compiled and presented to the rest of the mod team. However, during that time I resigned from my position as a mod. As a result, the survey went down briefly. It was then put back up, and left open for an extended period of time, to allow more time for users to respond.
Well, the time has finally come to present the results. That said, I will not be posting the complete results here. So no, you will not see which slurs were most commonly voted as "reportable." However, the completed results will be offered to the mod team for complete review. As I am no longer a mod, I cannot guarantee what will be done with the results, or if/how they will be acted upon. But regardless of how the results are used, it is my honor to give you guys a chance to have your voices heard by the mod team again.
But with that out of the way, I would like to present some results that I found quite illuminating.
The first thing of note is how many people responded to our survey. I was honestly blown away, and very humbled. We ended up gathering over 834 usable data points. In other words, well over 800 users responded to this survey. This put us well over the percent range. Which I was not expecting at all. So thank you so much to everyone who took part.
The first question was "How long have you been a member of kurosanji?"
I found this quite telling. Since this survey was originally posted in mid-May, this means that over two thirds of our responding user base has been around for more than 2 months. In other words, since March. And while February was probably the most active month in terms of Niji fucking up, I was pleasantly surprised. March was back during the shareholder meeting that resulted in Niji's stock plummeting, and Petra and Rosemi's 3Ds. Claude had made his statement about play buttons. Around two thirds of our active users having joined during that time means that most of our users are long time users. Many of them even pre-date the current mod team by a significant amount. So even if our membership numbers are growing, the core of our active user base is long time users who have been here for most of Niji's downfall.
The second question "How frequently do you visit kurosanji?"
This does not surprise me at all. I know just from interacting with the community that the users who are here are very active. The idea that 54.32% of our users visit the sub more than once a day was 100% expected. And then on top of that, 95.22% visit more than once a week. So it's not just a few highly active members. Pretty much all or our users are extremely active. It also confirms something about the community that I always suspected. People are not using kurosanji exclusively as a news source. They are using it like a bar. They show up, they hang out, they talk, they share. This is not a place where you check the news and leave. This is a place where people socialize with other users, by talking about Niji news. This is a place where in depth discussion is happening. That's why people stick around and come back multiple times per day. Yes, we have turned into a Nijisanji news source. But it is presented through discussion. The same way you can learn the local news by hearing people talk about it at a bar. So I was glad to see my perception of the community confirmed so thoroughly.
Question 3 "How frequently do you comment on kurosanji?"
Again, this one didn't surprise me. I've been on Reddit to know the vast majority of users are silent lurkers. While there is a vocal minority that makes up the "more than once a day" and "more than once a week" commenters, most people are here to listen. Most people are here to listen to what the more vocal members have to say. So going back to the "bar" analogy I made earlier... kurosanji is a bar where a bunch of loud talkers get together and have discussions. But most of the users are lurkers who sit down in the booths, and stay long enough to listen to conversations evolve over the course of the day/week. So two thirds of the users are long time users. 95%+ of users are checking in frequently, and 58.03% of users show up exclusively to listen to the conversations, as opposed to directly taking part. While less than 25% are actually taking part in the discussion more than once a week. The bar is a place to listen to a select group of people talk and discuss.
Question 5 "Were you a member of nijisanji between December 2023 and now?"
55.04% of people said yes. Given the history of this subreddit, not surprising. But that isn't to say that this place is the place where "all the people too toxic for nijisanji went." I never liked that stereotype. Aside from the fact that most of us got banned for not exactly toxic reasons, it shows that there is a mix of people here. Yes, there were people that were on nijisanji. And over half of us were invested enough that we were already talking about what was going on before the need for kurosanji arose. But given two thirds have been on kurosanji since March, but only around 50% were on nijisanji, it means there are probably a notable group of people that were on kurosanji without having ever been on nijisanji.
After this, we start getting into the more specific questions about content, what is appropriate to discuss ect. This is the information I am less willing to openly discuss. This information will be released to the mod team. But before I end this run down, I wanted to talk about the open response section.
I will admit that it was very difficult for me to read the comments after having already stepped down as a moderator. As I was reading them, I instantly started brainstorming things I would do to act on the input I was seeing. And then I'd have to remind myself that I'm just a user now XD. A lot of what I saw was exactly what I expected. A piece of personal information about me... My favorite live action TV show of all time is "The Wire." And when I was reading the comments, a certain clip from the show kept playing in my head over and over again. It was the scene where the character Bunny Colvin says "son, thanks for being you." And if you know anything about that scene, you would understand exactly why this was the moment that played in my head over and over.
I genuinely think this community was started with good intentions. And you can feel the spirit of those good intentions in the free response comments. It was also fun to see what the lurkers had to say for once. You guys really affirmed all of the perceptions I had about our community. Not perfect, a little rowdy, but well meaning and supportive. We can get off course from time to time. But the desire to do better is there. The desire to remain focused on a cause is there. And while staying focused and staying civil can be an uphill battle, it's a battle that this community wants to fight. I said it before, and I will say it again. I am so proud of each and every one of you. Especially those of you who have been here for so long, and who stood up for our goals of civil discussion and respectful protest.
So what now? The complete data will be offered to the mod team. I have reached out to them not just to provide them with the raw data, but to try and give them even more detailed information about said data for interpretation. I also plan on offering them the chance to read all of your free response comments. And regardless of what the future holds for kurosanji, or what direction the sub will take from here on out, it was an honor to act as a representative for the users. And I am grateful that I was able to help you guys have your voices heard one more time.
submitted by shihomii to kurosanji [link] [comments]


2024.06.07 19:03 sfi-fan-joe May Bingo Reading and Reviews

My goal this year is to complete 7 cards this year, with a few themed cards being Hard Mode, Progression Fantasy, Self-Published, New-To-Me Authors and Award Winning Books/Series cards. Here is my April reading, a total of 17 books, with corresponding bingo categories with HM = hard mode:
Dread Knight (Dread Knight #1) - Sarah Hawke - A fun, entertaining high fantasy read. Nothing thought provoking but a good popcorn read. Loved the battles and the bit of worldbuilding was good with magic having corrupted the world, leaving a large population of Riven/demons for the remaining forces of humanity to deal with. 3.5/5. First in a Series, Criminals, Prologue & Epilogue, Self-Published, Romantasy, Published in 2024, Survival (HM), Judge a Book By Its Cover (HM)
The Abjurer (Journals of Evander Tailor #3) - Tobias Begley - Cozy, slice-of-lice progression fantasy in a magical school setting. The magic is super in-depth and thought-out, which helps to immerse you into the world. The story was fairly fast-paced and the action was well done and entertaining. 4.5/5. Self-Published, Romantasy (HM), Multi-POV, Published in 2024, Character With a Disability (HM)
Red Right Hand (The Murder of Crows #2) - Chris Tullbane - The sequel to See These Bones and this was just as good, if not better. Absolutely loving this trilogy and can't wait to see how it ends. Feels like a perfect mash-up of a darker version of Super-Powereds with the world/setting of The Perfect Run. It's a slow burn in regards to power development, but the story itself is paced perfectly. 5/5. Alliterative Title, Dreams, Prologue & Epilogue, Self Published, Survivor (HM)
One Tin Soldier (The Murder of Crows #3) - Chris Tullbane - Amazing final book in this trilogy, and I was so happy to hear that the author plans on continuing the universe. It was great seeing Damian’s powers grow, as it made for some amazing fight scenes as he travelled the Badlands with some regular people as well as Silk. It made it into a bit of a western, which worked for this world. 5/5. Dreams, Prologue & Epilogue (HM), Self Published, Survivor (HM)
The Dead Zone - Stephen King - I felt this was a mixed bag. Overall solid writing, as all King books are, but this one didn't quite have the payoff. The main murder-mystery was wrapped up suddenly and was a let down. And though I was less interested in the politician subplot, it had the much better conclusion. 3.5/5. Dreams, Prologue & Epilogue, Multi-POV (HM), Set in a Small Town (HM)
The Emissary Bard (World of Chains #3) - Lars Machmuller - Solid sequel. Was feeling a little redundant at first but once the mission to visit the harpy village started, the story really picked up. Kept expanding on the secondary characters but not much more worldbuilding, which is fine. More of a slow-building story, giving us time with the characters and expansion of the powers. 3.5/5. Criminal, Bard (HM), Self Published, Set in a Small Town
A Fracture in the Qwisdeep (Jekua #2) - Travis M. Riddle - Reading this book/series, not only is it Pokemon-inspired, but it seems like Pokemon fan-fiction, with just the names changed. Even the interactions with other trainers (Summoners) seems like legit conversations from the games / show. Hell, there's even Team Rocket (Facet) which are causing trouble. That's not a knock as I found the world to be vibrant and exotic, plus it’s a real easy read and it’s just a fun adventure. The characters, even minor ones, are unique. 3.5. Self Published, Eldritch Creature (HM), Reference Material
An Inheritance of Magic (Inheritance of Magic #1) - Benedict Jacka - I have mixed feelings about this book, as there were elements I really liked, but others I found only okay. Hence the 3-star rating for this urban fantasy with elements of progression fantasy book which centers on the protagonist’s efforts to learn more about magic and get more skilled.
For a start, I liked the easy but well written style. There was a lot of info-dumping, and the author had to include a lot of elements that will only serve the story in books to come, not necessarily in this one. I also liked the hard magic system, which is less often in an urban fantasy setting.
However, for much of the book, which was short, nothing felt like it happened. The MC would go well hunting, which was uninteresting, or made sigils, which also wasn't that interesting. It's not a bad book by any stretch, but it's just not for me. 3/5. First in a Series, Dark Academia, Reference Material
Bones of the Past (Villain’s Code #2) - Drew Hayes - Another 5-star book from Drew Hayes. This author is just so damn good. Though I liked the first book, Forging Hephaestus slightly better, this is still an amazing book and sequel to it. Had many different story lines but all were woven together nicely. Had multiple big fights, some with villains-on-villains, villains versus heroes and even aliens. As good as the action was, the way Hayes makes us care about the characters is simply top notch. 5/5. Criminals, Prologue & Epilogue (HM), Self Published, Multi-POV
The Library of the Dead (Edinburgh Nights) - T.L. Hucha - This one wasn't for me. Urban YA fantasy with a street-wise protagonist who communes with ghosts. Gets drawn into a mystery. Wasn't a huge fan of the writing style. Not a bad book, just didn't work for me. 2.5/5. First in a Series, Alliterative Title, PoC Author
Foundation (Foundation #1) - Isaac Asimov - Really interesting concept, of a science-based settlement being created at the edge of the universe to escape the collapse of the Empire that is predicted to arrive. I thought the book lost steam by the end, but enjoyed the story on the whole. 3/5. First in a Series (HM), Multi-POV (HM), Space Opera
All the Skills 3 (All the Skills #3) - Honour Rae - I'll preface that I really do enjoy deck-building LitRPGs, but I really enjoyed this. I'm finding that each book is getting stronger and stronger as well. I love the magic system, and the budding relationship between Arthur and his dragon. And I like the direction the story is going. 4/5. Under the Surface (HM), Prologue & Epilogue, Self-Published, Published in 2024
Tree of Aeon (Tree of Aeon #1) - SpaizZzer - This book was good, just not for me. I liked the potential of it, and being so different (reincarnated as a tree) but several things didn't click for me. I initially thought the MC would grow into an underdog hero since he was spurned of that option initially, instead he becomes more-or-less an empathic tyrant. And everything that kinda...appears. When he needs a new skill, it just appears as a menu choice. He also barely explores/plays with/develops his skills, and forgets about them at times as well. 2.5/5. First in a Series (HM), Dreams, Self Published, POC Author
Iron Kissed (Mercy Thompson #3) - Patricia Briggs - Fun, short murder-mystery in an urban-paranormal fantasy setting. I really like Mercy as a character and I'm curious as to where they take this next. 3.5/5. Romantasy
Voice of Mars (Starship’s Mage) - Glynn Stewart - It was good but with each volume, I'm realizing it's not for me. Definitely more political SFF than sword-and-laser, which I was hoping for. This book also had a mystery that was interesting at first but grew rather convoluted. Sadly I don't think I'll continue the series. 2.5/5. Prologue & Epilogue, Self-Published, Space Opera
The Antventure Begins (Chrysalis #1) - RinoZ - A little different of a reincarnated LitRPG because the MC comes back as an ant, instead of a human. Took a little bit of time to get used to the humour, which was a little over-the-top at times, but the MC is super competent, which was a breath of fresh air. The in-game mechanics are pretty interesting, and I cant wait to find out what happens next. 4.5/5. First in a Series (HM), Under the Surface (HM), Entitled Animal, Self Published, Multi-POV (HM), Survival (HM), Eldritch Creatures (HM)
Mayor of Noobtown (Noobtown #1) - Ryan Rimmel - A good reincarnated LitRPG book. Started off a little rough but improved throughout. I love a town/empire building book, and though this series will get there, this book didn't have any of that. Instead, it was the MC figuring out the game mechanics (including his "broken" trait that allows him to learn any skill/class if exposed to it) and clearing out the "Noobtown" of goblins. I wish the MC was smarter, but by the end he was learning to use the "unbroken" status better. 3/5. First in a Series (HM), Self Published, Survival (HM), Set in a Small Town (HM)
submitted by sfi-fan-joe to Fantasy [link] [comments]


2024.06.07 19:00 dreamed2life Move to Venus Line or to The Line of your 7th House Ruler Line for Improved Relationships? Astrocartography

Deciding to move to a line of a planet that rules the 7th house (or other relationship houses) in your natal chart for improving relationships is a nuanced decision in astrocartography. Each choice, whether it's a planet that rules your 7th house or a Venus line (Venus being traditionally associated with love and relationships), has different implications. Here's how to approach this decision:
  1. 7th House Ruler Line:
Moving to a line of a planet that rules your 7th house or to a Venus line can influence your relationship experiences, but it should be considered in the context of your entire natal chart, personal goals, and the complexities of the relocated chart. Astrocartography is a tool for potential enhancement, not a guaranteed solution, and should be used as part of a broader personal and spiritual growth strategy.
submitted by dreamed2life to ProAstrocartography [link] [comments]


2024.06.07 18:59 rmartin_tt What is Synchronous Collaboration?

What is Synchronous Collaboration?
Synchronous collaboration is a type of collaboration where two or more people work on the same thing, e.g., a document, at the same time, in real-time. This can be done through a variety of tools, such as Google Docs, Microsoft 365, or collaborative whiteboards.
Synchronous collaboration is often used for brainstorming, editing, and proofreading documents. It can also be used for tasks such as code review and design collaboration. E.d. It’s worth pointing out that the emerging research on the use of synchronous collaboration for brainstorming is mixed. See our note beneath.
Here are some examples of synchronous collaborations that we perform at TakeTurns:
  • The marketing team edits blog posts together in Google Docs.
  • Our engineering team has performed real-time code reviews together in Gitlab (although almost all our work here is performed asynchronously).
  • Our UX and design team meet to prototype UI changes in Framer.

Pros of working synchronously:

  • Real-time communication: Synchronous collaboration facilitates immediate interaction among team members, which is beneficial for tasks requiring rapid decision-making or brainstorming..
  • Improved coordination and alignment: Synchronous communication can help to improve coordination and alignment among team members. This is especially helpful for teams that are working on complex projects with multiple moving parts.
  • Increased engagement and motivation: Synchronous communication can help to increase team members' engagement and motivation. This is because it allows team members to see and hear each other and to get immediate feedback on their work.
  • Enhanced relationships and trust: Synchronous communication can help to enhance relationships and trust among team members. This is because it allows team members to interact with each other on a more personal level.

Cons of working synchronously:

  • Reduced flexibility and autonomy: Synchronous communication can reduce team members' flexibility and autonomy. This is because team members need to be available at the same time in order to communicate and collaborate.
  • Increased distractions and interruptions: Synchronous communication can increase distractions and interruptions for team members. This is because team members are constantly receiving notifications and messages from their colleagues.
  • Technology challenges: Synchronous communication can be challenging due to technology issues. For example, team members may experience problems with their internet connection or video conferencing software.
  • Time zone challenges: Synchronous communication can be challenging for teams that are located in different time zones. This is because team members need to find a time that works for everyone to meet and collaborate.
  • Cost: Synchronous collaboration can be expensive, especially for large teams or teams that are located in different parts of the world. For example, video conferencing tools can have a monthly subscription fee. Additionally, if team members need to travel to meet in person, this can also add to the cost.
  • Bias: Synchronous collaboration can lead to bias, as the more dominant members in the group may tend to dominate the conversation. This can lead to a less diverse and inclusive decision-making process.
Overall, synchronous communication has both pros and cons. It is important to weigh the benefits and drawbacks before deciding whether or not to use synchronous communication for a particular task or project.
What is Synchronous Collaboration?

What the research community has found about synchronous collaboration in brainstorming and joint problem-solving

While many people associate brainstorming as a classic example of when synchronous collaboration should be used, research findings are mixed.
One study published in the journal Human Factors found that asynchronous brainstorming groups generated more unique and creative ideas than synchronous brainstorming groups. The study also found that asynchronous brainstorming groups were more likely to generate ideas that were later judged to be more feasible and implementable.
Another study published in the journal Computers in Human Behavior found that asynchronous brainstorming groups were more likely to include the ideas of all group members, even those who were less dominant. The study also found that asynchronous brainstorming groups were more likely to build consensus and to reach agreement on a solution.
While this is a topic that merits further research, here are some reasons why asynchronous brainstorming may be more effective than synchronous brainstorming:
  • Reduced pressure: Participants in asynchronous brainstorming sessions may feel less pressure to come up with ideas quickly and on the spot. This can lead to more thoughtful and creative ideas.
  • Increased reflection: Participants in asynchronous brainstorming sessions have more time to reflect on their ideas and refine them before sharing them with the group. This can lead to more developed and well-considered ideas.
  • Reduced bias: Participants in asynchronous brainstorming sessions may be less likely to be influenced by the dominant members of the group. This can lead to a more diverse range of ideas being generated. Nearly everyone has been in group situations where they’ve been stampeded by HIPPOs (highest paid person’s opinion) and ZEBRAs (Zero Evidence but Really Arrogant).
  • Increased participation: Participants in asynchronous brainstorming sessions may be more likely to participate, even if they are less dominant or less confident. This can lead to a more inclusive and collaborative brainstorming process.
Overall, the research on asynchronous brainstorming is still in its early stages. However, the available evidence suggests that asynchronous collaboration may be a more effective way to generate creative and innovative ideas. Some research worth checking out includes:

Here are some tips for using synchronous communication effectively:

  • Plan ahead: If possible, schedule synchronous communication sessions in advance. This will give team members time to prepare and to make sure that they are available at the scheduled time.
  • Develop a synchronous collaboration policy and guidelines: Many organizations just ‘jump right in,’ moving too quickly without outlining the roles, responsibilities, and expectations for the participants can lead to #CollaborationDisasters. For especially high-pressure or fraught synchronous collaborations, defining not just the goals and objectives but also how the team members ought to behave is crucial for getting the best results.
  • Set a clear agenda: Have a clear agenda for each synchronous communication session. This will help to keep the session on track and to ensure that all of the important topics are discussed.
  • Be respectful of everyone's time: Be mindful of the fact that everyone's time is valuable. Try to keep synchronous communication sessions as focused and efficient as possible.
  • Take breaks: It is important to take breaks during synchronous communication sessions. This will help to reduce distractions and to improve focus.
  • Use a variety of tools: There are a variety of synchronous communication tools available, such as video conferencing, instant messaging, and collaborative whiteboards. Choose the tools that are best suited for the task or project at hand.
And finally, perhaps the biggest tip of all
  • Don’t force fit synchronous collaboration: There are a wide variety of scenarios where synchronous collaboration is impractical or doesn’t fit your business scenario–i.e. when you collaborate with external stakeholders. In fact in those circumstances you're much better off using asynchronous collaboration approaches.
What is Synchronous Collaboration? was perviously published on our website TakeTurns
submitted by rmartin_tt to TakeTurns [link] [comments]


2024.06.07 18:58 AnotherGalaxys Star Trek: Nemesis Edit - As Never Seen Before New Mid Year Update

Hello everyone¡ Some of you might have already heard about this project. For those who didn´t , here is the previous post from the 2023 Year End Update: https://www.reddit.com/startrek/comments/18shpo2/star_trek_nemesis_edit_as_never_seen_before_yea
Here is also the very first post about this project: https://www.reddit.com/startrek/comments/ixu0fk/star_trek_nemesis_as_never_seen_before/
The project consists on two different edits of the movie:
-Standard Version: This one is nearly finished and is the main goal of the project, an attempt to show how this movie could´ve been including some of the best character moments while removing most of the redundant and out of place scenes and dialogues. It does include five restored deleted scenes
-Extended Cut: This one is an extension of the Standard Version which will include 6-8 deleted scenes. It restores all the scenes that could be upgraded to a decent quality from the very low quality source and that add quality to the movie without much affecting the pace/overall viewing experience of the movie.
The deleted scenes have been trough a long upgrading process consisting on: Deinterlacing, one or few waves of Upscaling, Color Correction, Cleaning out of spots and artifacts and Aspect ratio Correction. Some of them have also needed complex Green Screen work and Rotoscoping, and brand new music true to the amazing Jerry Goldsmith score has been added in some cases. There is also a brand new shot included.
The upgrading has continued and here are some examples of the latest results:
Alternate Ending:
https://imgsli.com/MjcwNTg4
https://imgsli.com/MjcwNTgw
Château Picard:
https://imgsli.com/MjcwNTkw
https://imgsli.com/MjcwNTkx
Troi and Picard After Meeting Shinzon:
https://imgsli.com/MjYwNTA0
Sickbay Preparing for Battle:
https://imgsli.com/MjcwNTkz
I´ve also found colour banding in the initial Paramount Logo and Romulus shots. I´ve fixed this for my edit, totally or partially, but it looks much better now. Check the screenshots: https://imgsli.com/MjIyOTIz https://imgsli.com/MjIyOTI2
I´m also attaching you a link to a very small sample of one of the new pieces of the musical score:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/11hRQKkHBn0nW3c7vS_kvLC6zivp1cocb/view?usp=sharing
Standard Version should be ready within 1-2 months while Extended Cut will take more time, possibly 3-4 months. I will also work in a Dolby Vision/4K output of both versions. For any doubts or suggestions, please leave your comment below or contact me via DM.
Cheers and LLAP¡
submitted by AnotherGalaxys to startrek [link] [comments]


2024.06.07 18:56 cpaiml Introducing SugarWalkin: Explore the World with Your Glucose Levels!

Introducing SugarWalkin: Explore the World with Your Glucose Levels!
Today, I'm excited to introduce my new game, SugarWalkin. After a tough month of development, I'm thrilled to share this with you all. Let's embark on an epic journey with your glucose levels and enjoy the visible rewards of your efforts! Some of you might remember me as the creator of Glucopet. It was fantastic to see hundreds of people enjoying the game!
https://preview.redd.it/rmc0moiyj65d1.png?width=406&format=png&auto=webp&s=f80792e8f198ab71d5951b59db75aef8eeaab997
Why SugarWalkin? Managing glucose levels can be challenging, and while the health benefits may not always be immediately visible, seeing your progress in SugarWalkin
can be incredibly motivating. Feel rewarded as you control your levels and watch your journey unfold in the game.
  1. Goal: You and your duck start an epic journey to explore places all around the world! The fun part? The rewards and the duck's speed depend on your blood sugar data (CGM or BGM). Good data means faster travel and more rewards.
  2. Multiple CGM and BGM Support:
  • Libre Users: Connect your CGM devices using your LibreLinkUp ID and password (available in the US/Europe/Asia/Canada).
  • Dexcom Users: Automatic connection isn't available yet, but you can still manually log your blood glucose levels.
  • BGM Users: Manually log your blood glucose levels.
  1. Hatching Eggs Feature: When you first log in, you'll be greeted by a duck hatching from an egg! It's a fun and engaging way to start your journey.
  2. How It Works: Your glucose monitor affects the speed of your duck! For example, if you experience a glucose spike or abnormal glucose levels, a steep hill will stop you in your tracks.
  3. New Maps Available: The San Francisco and Hawaii maps are now open for exploration. We will make maps of the beautiful places worldwide.
  4. Fast Forward Feature: If you update your glucose level and reconnect, your duck will move quickly based on data from the past 8 hours. Make sure to log in multiple times daily to see your real-time progress!
Enjoy the game! I appreciate any feedback you have. Let's make SugarWalkin
a great experience for everyone!
Discord link: https://discord.gg/nNxUhsMF for the feedback!
submitted by cpaiml to diabetes_t2 [link] [comments]


2024.06.07 18:50 FourFatSamurai I want to quit.

I want to quit.
I want to quit.
I want to quit.
Yesterday, I was fired and told I lied about my grooming experience. I am beyond devastated that my clips aren’t good enough. I am beyond devastated that I was made to feel like I produce nothing but trash. I really just want to quit.
I understand the weird rivalry between show groomers and pet groomers, but I still feel pretty icky about how I was made to feel like an imbecile because I didn’t do things the same way she does. I am autistic with ADHD and I do things in a way that work best for me and my style of grooming. During the last few weeks, I was open minded and receptive to learning a different way and broadening my knowledge about dog grooming. I was excited to have a “mentor” finally after years of getting where I am today through trial and error.
I was more than transparent about my experience. And I will be transparent here, too.
I got my start at Petco in 2018. Shortly after I was to be sent to grooming training through their in network training program. During this, my mentor was sent to another store and they appointed the aquarium lead to be lead groomer. They sent him through training first and was in charge of mentoring me. I failed my cocker technical and almost failed my schnauzer technical because of that. He didn’t know what he was doing and I had no one to help guide me.
Shortly after passing, I went to a local mobile grooming business. For 6 weeks I was kind of trained by my boss. She helped me here and there but mostly sat in the cab while I groomed and that was it. I stayed there for 5 years. Everything I learned up until this point was self taught through trial and error and a bunch of YouTube videos.
From there, I moved to a salon and I was pretty confident in what I have achieved by that point. Although this was considered a box store, I had the most fun working for this company and loved it. My team was wonderful and we all worked very well together. While I was here, I was confident as a groomer and confident in my craft. They sent to grooming expos to learn from the greats like Olga Zabelinskaya, Sue Zecco, Rachel Colant, and Blake Hernandez to name a few. I asked questions and learned a lot more. I continued to practice what I learned.
From there I went to another shop that was shabby and run down with broken tablet. I enjoyed it here for the time being, but it was not the place for someone like me. They were not accepting and I was let go 2 days after I let everyone know I was neurodivergent. This led to me keeping my disabilities to myself and trying to mask to appear more “normal” or whatever.
Then went to this latest salon. I was really excited after my interview with the owner because I felt like I finally found my home salon. I felt like I was finally going to work with and for someone who was empathetic, compassionate, and informative. She told me she believed that no one could possibly learn and known everything about dogs and grooming and she felt it was important to continue grooming education, which I also believe. I felt so comfortable around her at first. I never felt that level of comfort around anyone but my best friend because let’s be honest, us neurodivergents are generally uncomfortable in most settings with most people.
Things started off pretty rocky, the salon was an hour away so that was rough for me. My first day, I showed up at 8am, the time the salon opened. I was immediately questioned on why I was late and told my first dog got there at 8am. I was not told to show up at any given time for that day, so I showed up when the salon opened. I also did not have access to the schedule yet so I didn’t know when my first dog was coming in. None of this information was relayed to me in any way. Panic set in and it threw off my whole day, but I tried very hard to push past it.
My grooms were heavily criticized and I was told to do things differently. Much differently than what I had learned thus far on my own, in training, and even from the seminars at the grooming expos. I was open and receptive to learning a different way because grooming had become my passion. I wanted to learn. I wanted to be better. I wanted to make people and dogs happy. I thought it said something about me and my competence to have clients want to follow me, even tho it was up to two hours away for them. I had one from Portland that would drive down just for me because he trusted his dog in my hands. I guess that didn’t matter at this new salon.
Not once during the last few weeks was I asked to explain my thought process behind the way I did certain things. Not once was I given the opportunity to show what I can do on own without constant intervention. Trust the process. Trust me.
Even yesterday, I wasn't asked why I left my schnauzer lines the way I did. It's because I hand scissor my skirts and blend the lines seamlessly with blenders. Not clippers, tho I did get a quick visual demonstration on how that could be done, but without any real commentary.
I was told to do things one way, but when I do it that way, I am told that is wrong and I need to it the other way instead without any explanation as to why. Back brushing for example… I was told to use a comb, so l used a comb, then the next day, I was told to use a brush because using a comb wasn't correct. Stop confusing me and explain your process so that l understand.
I was told to ask questions, when I did, I felt like I was stupid and inconvenient for asking. Especially during the weird schnauzer groom I was in the middle of when I got fired. I did my best even though the previous groom notes were confusing and inconsistent (not what I would’ve done for a breed specific groom, and vastly different from what is explained in the “grooming bible”) on top of what the owner told me they wanted and didn't want done this time.
I was terminated in the middle of the schnauzer groom. I was told to finish it and get my stuff and go. By that point, I mentally shut down, couldn't focus on what I was doing or how or where to even begin. I was completely derailed. All I could think about was getting the hell out of there as fast as I could before the autistic/ADHD glitch that already started happening got worse (if you know, you know and I’m sorry.) All of this while sick as a dog, my son got me pretty sick, but I still showed up and worked. Thank goodness for my Ativan prescription because I would've had an autistic meltdown right then and there. It allowed me to hold in all emotion and hold back tears until I got to my car and started the hour commute home. Turns out, it was very cathartic to drive on the backroads and cry silently to myself.
Writing all of this out and getting my feelings out there has made me realize that I am never going to be good enough and I want to hang up my smock for good. I can’t help but feel like I’m being a baby and I’m so dramatic. This was my life, a hyper-focus that I never abandoned, something I was truly proud of and felt good at.
Now, I want to give up. I’m defeated.
Please if you have anything mean to say, please move on, I just don’t know if I can take that right now. I just wanted to share my experience and how I’m feeling right now.
submitted by FourFatSamurai to grooming [link] [comments]


2024.06.07 18:34 CrispyNaeem Marvel Cinematic Universe Cosmology Thread with Explanations (2024)

Marvel Cinematic Universe Cosmology Thread with Explanations (2024)

The Universe (Earth-616)

https://preview.redd.it/afwc2btkxz4d1.png?width=1200&format=png&auto=webp&s=959c881149882b26b6a8f2aae8dba8b67f5f08e7

Infinite Size Statements:

High 3-A/High Universal Level (Infinite 3-D)

Low 2-C/Universal+ (4-D via the temporal dimension)

The Nine Realms

Nine Different Galaxies

https://preview.redd.it/dha59lt5n55d1.jpg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0087d4c40574e567bc0b5567a407828d8cef9de7

In Different Universes

  1. Point two is explicit evidence that Asgard is in another universe
  1. This is about the Yggdrasil sequence in Thor 1's credit scene with a statement of the Nine Realms being multi-dimensional.
There's only evidence linking Asgard to a different universe meaning we can't assume this for the other realms. However, we'll give this rating for the high-end.

High 3-A+/High Universal Level (Infinite 3-D+)

Low 2-C/Low Multiversal Level (At least two 4-D Multiverses) (With the Temporal Dimension)

(High-End) Low 2-C/Low Multiversal Level (At least ten 4-D Multiverses) (With the Temporal Dimension + Nine Realms being different Universes)

Ascendant Realm/Mirror Dimension

Allows someone to transcend to another plane of existence.
  1. Those in the Mirror Dimension cannot be perceived by normal people, and manipulating space and matter is possible without changing the real world. Because it transcends the normal universe that means it stands above it.
  1. "A multitude of other dimensions that exist on top of our dimension, that exist next to our dimension."
  1. People can experience slowed time while in the Mirror Dimension.
Infinite Size

High 3-A+/High Universal Level (Infinite 3-D+) and Low 2-C/Low Multiversal Level (At least three 4-D Multiverses)

Low 2-C/Low Multiversal Level (At least two 4-D Multiverses) (With the Temporal Dimension)

(High-End) Low 2-C/Low Multiversal Level (At least eleven 4-D Multiverses)

Infinite Dimensions/Universes

  1. As shown in What If, Endgame, and Loki there are parallel realities of the Earth-Dimension which also fall under the infinitely-expanding model.

2-A/Multiverse level+ (Infinite 4D+)

The Dark Dimension

Infinite Size
Eleventh-Dimensional Statements (Possibly an Outlier)

2-A/Multiverse level+ (Infinite 4D+)

(High End) High 1/C/ High Complex Multiverse level (11D)

Gap Junction

No, the default assumption is that this is not the case. "Bigger" could mean having more 2-A structures and, as explained in greater detail previously, having more 2-A structures, or even infinitely many 2-A structures, unless uncountably infinite many, won't scale above a single 2-A structure in size. Source: VSBW Tiering System FAQ
  1. Given that the timeline is infinite before becoming uncountably infinite from a single branch, the Gap Junction gets a +1D over the other dimensions.

Low 1-C/Low Complex Multiverse level (5D)

(High End) 1-B/Hyperversal level (12D)

An Individual Timeline scales to 5D

---

Valhalla

https://preview.redd.it/iss8l6mjs55d1.jpg?width=900&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f94a49726625ded435f8cbe490822cdf5fecbe60
  • Valhalla was shown in the post-credits scene of Thor: Love and Thunder to exist outside of the timeline (the strands in the sky are the multiversal timelines) which suggests that this realm is a higher dimension.

Low 1-C/Low Complex Multiverse level (6D)

(High End) 1-B/Hyperversal level (13D)

Quantum Realm

Infinite Size

Temporal Dimension with Explanations

Outside of explanations which state that multiple time dimensions exist it is difficult to show that a fiction has more than one. The key point that has to be established is that there is a kind of time that flows in a different direction than the past or the future or any of the spatial directions. Of particular consideration are instances in which timelines as a whole being changed, such that there is a timeline (or multiple timelines) before they were changed and after they were changed or created / destroyed. As the timelines as a whole are changed, the before and after in this context can't be the past and future the timelines usually use, but should be a separate direction.
  1. In short terms, this is stating that another temporal dimension can be qualified if it's flowing separately from standard past-present-future.
  2. For clarification in the MCU's Cosmology; the Multiversal War nearly destroyed every timeline in reality, however, He Who Remain's changed the cosmology and essentially erased his variants of existence. The reason why the TVA pruned timelines was to prevent newer versions of Kang from being born. When Janet was trapped in the Quantum Realm in the 1980s she met a variant of Kang from a different era of time before He Who Remain's had died.
Marvel Studios President Kevin Feige previously discussed the interconnected fallout in Multiverse of Madness, saying, "There’s always a method to the madness even in the Multiverse." Feige went on to point out that "Loki and Sylvie did something at the end of [Loki] that sort of allowed all of this to be possible... He Who Remains is gone, and that allowed a spell to go wrong in Spider-Man: No Way Home, which leads to the entire Multiverse going quite mad in [Doctor Strange 2]."
  1. This is the official confirmation that No Way Home and Doctor Strange 2 wouldn't have happened without He Who Remain's death. No Way Home takes place in Late 2024, meaning that there's at least a 35-40-year difference here.
However, caution is necessary. As explained above, we require that the additional time dimension is "a line comprised of uncountably infinite points". If new versions of timelines are only created if they are changed, due to time travel for example, then the number of "snapshots" of the timeline would be far more limited. The amount of snapshots would be one more than the times the timeline was changed. So, for example, if the timeline is rewritten 2 times, there would be 3 snapshots of the timeline: the original, the timeline after the first rewrite and the timeline after the second rewrite. That are far less than the required uncountably infinite many.
  1. We've already provided evidence that the multiverse and its unique dimensions are uncountably infinite without the need for time travel; What If already confirms that the infinite branches are naturally spawned and not by external means.
Aside from direct statements, the easiest way to confirm that the line is comprised of uncountably infinite points/"snapshots" is to show that the development of the timelines is time-like. I.e. typically one would want a statement like the alteration of the timelines being subject to its own flow of time or by saying that special time travel can go to prior versions of the timelines instead of the past. The keyword in the latter case is time travel, as that specifies that the action happens through movement through something like time. Note that such statements can be considered contradicted if the fiction specifies that new versions of the timeline, i.e. additional snapshots, are only created when the timeline is altered or similar.
  1. This is rather simple; the whole cosmology changed forever when He Who Remain's died, and yet the Quantum Realm had a 'prior version of the Timeline' despite He Who Remains being alive during that time. Also, the altercation of one timeline doesn't affect another as stated in What If S1E4.
  2. The Quantum Realm is therefore its hyper timeline and has a separate temporal dimension. A quick reminder is that the realm is layered.

1-C/ Complex Multiverse level (7D)

(High End) 1-B/Hyperversal level (14D)

The Void at The End of Time/TVA

Temporal Dimension

However, caution is necessary. As explained above, we require that the additional time dimension is "a line comprised of uncountably infinite points". If new versions of timelines are only created if they are changed, due to time travel for example, then the number of "snapshots" of the timeline would be far more limited. The amount of snapshots would be one more than the times the timeline was changed. So, for example, if the timeline is rewritten 2 times, there would be 3 snapshots of the timeline: the original, the timeline after the first rewrite and the timeline after the second rewrite. That are far less than the required uncountably infinite many.
  1. We've already provided evidence that the multiverse and its unique dimensions are uncountably infinite without the need for time travel; What If already confirms that the infinite branches are naturally spawned and not by external means.
Aside from direct statements, the easiest way to confirm that the line is comprised of uncountably infinite points/"snapshots" is to show that the development of the timelines is time-like. I.e. typically one would want a statement like the alteration of the timelines being subject to its own flow of time or by saying that special time travel can go to prior versions of the timelines instead of the past. The keyword in the latter case is time travel, as that specifies that the action happens through movement through something like time. Note that such statements can be considered contradicted if the fiction specifies that new versions of the timeline, i.e. additional snapshots, are only created when the timeline is altered or similar.
  1. The Void and the TVA remain unaffected by the destruction/pruning of a timeline.
  2. For the time travel section, Loki had used his time abilities to go to a version of the Sacred Timeline before the Multiverse branched out.
  • The Void/TVA would get a +1D.

1-C/ Complex Multiverse level (8D)

(High End) 1-B/Hyperversal level (15D)

R>F World

  1. R>F grants an infinity over the MCU cosmology.

1-C/ Complex Multiverse level (9D)

(High End) High 1-B/High Hyperversal level (Infinite Dimensions)

That's all folks!
submitted by CrispyNaeem to PowerScaling [link] [comments]


2024.06.07 18:24 Mogglen League isn't a "Team Game"

I have played competitive coop games for over twenty years, and have never once felt that League met the same criteria as other notable team oriented titles such as CS:GO or Rocket League. When I play league I feel isolated and controlled by a constant flow of random encounters and very little autonomy or acknowledgement of what I did right or wrong.
Even while playing in roles that are oriented towards teamplay such as Bot or Jungle, I am relegated to either make a confusing assumption that either my teammates and I are on the same page, or that I shouldn't trust anyone.
God forbid you have a Karthus on your team who has a free double kill if he presses R, forcing you to spam ping until you're locked out of chat. It's almost unreal how out of synch you and your teammates can feel at times.
This is due to a huge issue that has been facing the league community since it's founding.
Since I can remember, split second decision making is the single most defining factor in the approachability and longevity of a competitive game. When the input of your keystroke equals the output of your action, the game feels gratifying. DOTA 2 is an incredible game on paper, but it's popularity declined due to it's lack of excitement and "sport-like" gameplay. It plays more like a traditional RPG rather than something more riveting. Compare that to the fast pace and exciting gameplay of Rocket League, where every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Where your button inputs directly impact the game state the *moment* you press them. (This is not to say that slower games can't also be e-sports, just that they are not as commonly referred to as such nor do they have long standing popularity in the community.)
These split second decisions give you very little time to communicate using other longhand methods such as typing. As a player you heavily rely on pings to visualize your thoughts into tangible gameplay. If you need to communicate in the immediate, you rely on League's limited scroll wheel to convey something that could ultimately be far more complex.
Do I:
a.) Continue the dive resulting in either a 2 for 1, or 2 for 0 scenerio.
b.) Walk away and let me teammate die resulting in them flaming me and potentially inting the game due to "my" mistake.
c.) Quit the game
This whole situation could easily have been avoided if I verbalized to my teammate:
Proper methods of communication are the only real effective way to remedy complex gameplay situations that arise during the match, which if lost can ultimately be demoralizing and game ending. Yet League doesn't have such an integral part of what makes a coop game fun.
A "team" requires you to have people to rely on in order for you to do your job properly. The only reason we have terms like, "1v9" is because the community as a whole has come together to acknowledge that having a real "team" is a rare and often overlooked instance. I have played thousands of games, and I can only count on one hand how many matches in which I have had a true synergy with my teammates.
I have a theory as to why this is, and honestly... it's kind of disappointing.
League is popular, not because it is a "team game" but because it allows you to show off your skills in a flashy and fun way. If you are mechanically better, mentally superior, or more knowledgeable about abusing a niche tactic you are rewarded. All of these things are parts of what makes up each individual *player*, but not what makes up the *game*.
The real *game* only takes place at the highest elos of play, and I'm not talking about Masters or GM. Challenger lobbies are the only place you really see some real teamwork, and even there it's mostly people showing off their solo que skills. If you want to watch the real *game* you are forced to watch pro teams. You are forced to participate in the e-sports sphere.
This is the goal.
The communication of League will never be fixed, as it drives players to yearn for it. It is a desire that is only fulfilled by watching pro teams excel. It's a simple economic equation of supply and demand. If the demand for good communication is always high, they can give or take however much of that supply they want, because they know it will never diminish.
Valorant and the recent reintroduction of Masters duo que both support my claim.
Valorant because they already have a voice chat *and* ping system that is actively used by their community. While the Masters duo que proves that they know people demand for better team cohesion but are only willing to budge when it benefits the game as a whole. Both are prime examples of how if we wanted, this issue could be fixed overnight.
Even though I am frustrated at how toxic the game state is, I will sadly continue to play this game. It is fun when you have those niche moments of true synergistic bliss. Those are the moments I pine for. Those are the moments I wish League had more of.
League of Legends is, and never will be a "Team Game".
submitted by Mogglen to leagueoflegends [link] [comments]


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