(24M) I don't know what to do. And tbh I'm nervous about even posting this.
I want to clarify that I'm not suicidal. I've even learned that I don't want death as much as I want to understand how to not suffer as much as I do. Though some days that changes, I'll admit. But the way I've been feeling lately is as unbearable as it is inexorable. Each day my ability to carry-on descends a step. I used to be able to handle my pain enough to hide it from others. I used to shrug it off, focus my mind onto something else, and deal with it later. But now things are much worse. And I'm struggling to keep it together. I feel like I'm really losing my shit, and I want to fully emphasize the fear behind that.
I can't sleep anymore.
I get frightening experiences. Either terribly torturous dreams that wake me up or sudden onset panic. My heart races fast just thinking about resting my head against my pillow. I used to oversleep, which sounds pleasant enough. But I promise you, it's not. I couldn't hold a routine. I didn't have time to do what I wanted/needed to do. I felt like I was imprisoned by it. Plus, I didn't feel well rested. I felt like I could keep on sleeping the entire day. But now I'm unable to sleep. I find this to be much worse. I average about 4 hours a night now, if I can. I've tried a myriad of different strategies to mitigate the sleeplessness. Either less or no caffeine, frequent exercise, setting an alarm for an early hour in the day to hopefully get tired later on, and staying away from screens for at least an hour or so before I try to sleep. I'm desperate for something. Medications haven't worked very well for me in the past either. Although, I've only tried melatonin—which is not that extensive of a list, of course—so I'm open to any suggestions if you have any.
My anxiety is worse.
It's always been pretty bad, but I just powered through it in a way. I could still go to the store and buy whatever despite it blaring in my face the whole time. But it's much worse now. Which, to me, is very odd. I spend lots of time around people. People I know well, people I don't know at all. I'm in public spaces a lot. But now, more than ever, I get so fucking paralyzed by it. To even walk into a Walgreens feels impossible. It's just like a constant buzz for me . There is no restful, relaxing, or calm experience to life anymore. I never come down from the stress. I've never taken anxiety medication. I don't know the efficacy of any, and I don't enjoy the idea of relying on medications to feel "normal". But I'm constantly in a state of panic nowadays. So at this point, I'm starting to not care about those sort of things.
I don't drink or smoke.
I've abstained from nicotine and alcohol for a long while now. I had a much longer experience with alcohol. But I never was one to truly abuse either of those substances. I used to drink for years, everyone in my family still does, my friends still do, but I've stopped. I recognize that my mental state gets dangerous if I drink. I'm not dangerous to others by any means. I just turn to self loathing and feel like I can't live anymore. So I'm not on any drugs, medications, or anything of the sort. I don't know how I got to this point. I don't want to be this way. But I'm noticing a progression of suffering despite the use of any substances.
I just feel hopeless.
I've been unhappy ever since I could first be conscious. I used to have terrible views of myself, hating the way I look, sound, or exist in the world. I don't have negative thoughts anymore as much as I am almost immobilized by a lack of desire to physically move. I can hardly think as it is, too. I'm forgetful and scattered all the time. Moving is getting harder. Even talking is almost impossible. I jumble my words sometimes. I feel so embarrassed when I do. I feel I sound ridiculous. Even to write this right now is very difficult. I just feel so alone even when I'm in a room packed with loved ones. I don't even feel real anymore. I don't feel joy or excitement. I break down all the time now. I can't even fake a smile at work anymore (luckily I don't work in customer service).
I haven't tried therapy.
I don't feel the courage to talk to a therapist. I definitely don't have the funds either. I've looked for some form of either cheap/free counseling but the thought of either calling or sitting in front of a person to tell them about myself makes me so unbelievably anxious. I don't want to be hospitalized, I know how that goes and I don't want that for me. I feel like my life is falling apart and I have no explanation as to why. Someone please help me, I don't know how to survive like this.
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I apologize for the length of this post too. I didn't mean for it to be so much.

We’ve been together for 4 and a half years basically. We’ve know each other for 10. Liked each other in high school, life happened, I moved away, she had a kid, found our way back to each other, and ended up having a child of our own 2 years ago. To try and summarize, she feels once our daughter was born, that I got too comfortable and acted as though I knew she wasn’t going anywhere. I worked overnight construction for years, even before we got together, made it to a superintendent position, with a job where I averaged anywhere from 65-80+ hours a week. She was home with the kids, I didn’t make enough to put the kids in daycare, and couldn’t commit to any kind of permanent arrangement to assist her with taking care of the kids so she could work. The goal, since before we got together, was for me to leave my trade, but I made more money doing that, than we would have if we both started entry level jobs, not to mention then having to pay for daycares. I was offered help by my mother who lived out of state to bring me family over there with promises of help so we could make the changes necessary to restructure our life and improve our situation. I got here, worked in my same trade for a few months until the rain season began, and she immediately began her course to become a CNA, then started work as one, and makes decent money. Well she made a friend there, who I honestly can’t stand. I have NEVER told her who she can and can’t see, hang out with, talk to, nothing like that, she’s never given me a reason to doubt her, she has always been a loyal person and very honest. This friend of hers, without spending time on all the details and making this post even longer, tries encouraging my girlfriend to do things or think certain ways that I feel are detrimental to our relationship. Telling her she should start an OF, is one example, and when my girlfriend vented to her about an issue we had, told her that I am a narcissist like every guy she’s been with and to just leave me.
For some context, I forgot our anniversary. I think I’ve forgotten it almost every year, because it wasn’t really a special occasion, we talked about it a few months into our relationship basically saying “hey we’re dating right? Like this is official? What do we tell people if they ask what our anniversary is? Okay cool, sounds good, moving on.” I get it, that mindset was wrong of me. I also procrastinate on things like holidays, birthdays, whatever, and have had some instances where I really should have tried harder to make her feel special and appreciated. I used to do the hallmark movie corny stuff, I used to have a notebook I’d write in when I got home in the mornings while she was asleep about how I loved her, she’s beautiful, I appreciate her, blah blah. One time I set a path from the front door to the upstairs bath with candles, flower petals, where a bath was drawn, with red lights for ambiance and a bath bomb for her. It fell off because the honey moon phase ended, although I feel it lasted a long time, and life events happened that lead to some emotional dry spells on her part where she wasn’t ready to receive affection, her grandmother passing, having a miscarriage far along in our first pregnancy together, her step father dying, and then also the stresses of my job wearing me out, and getting comfortable subconsciously telling myself that even though I don’t always do those same things anymore, she knows I think she’s the greatest and I love her.
I have a bad habit that I’ve been working on for a few months now, where if she’d bring up things that made me nervous to think about or stress me out to plan, I would play too much and not take the situations seriously, and make her not feel heard as a result. I always teased that I don’t believe in legally getting married, that I’d take her to the courthouse and let her change her last name to mine and then we can have a ceremony after. 2 years ago I told her that wasn’t the case, and we finally talked about it where I told her that once our situation is right, in marrying her. I know in hindsight that I should have still placed it as a higher priority, but we never really talked about it further, and she clung to what I’d said before that about us never getting married. When our fighting started getting bad about 2 months ago, and we finally communicated what the underlying root of her unhappiness was, I had a huge perspective change. Some other big events happened, my step father who we lived with overdosed from fentanyl in our basement, and really changed my perspective on life and how quickly things can end and change and blah blah, to where I told her that I don’t want to fight, she is my one, and I want to marry her. She basically took it as me saying it out of fear to get her to stay. I’ve been trying to show her that I want to make the effort she is asking for. That she is as special to me as I say, but now in her mind she is taking an approach of “why did it take 4 years to get to this point.”
I never try to deny responsibility for my actions, I always try to be quick to reflect and acknowledge where I may have been wrong. But now I almost feel like my readiness to say okay I messed up by getting comfortable and not making you feel heard in these situations and everything else I’ve talked about, kind of seems like I’ve only made her feel completely validated in her idea that I have messed up for 4 years and just not appreciated her. I almost want to tell her that yes, I have slowed down and gotten comfortable, but no, there’s are so many examples of times I’ve still shown you how much I cared. I fear doing so will come off argumentative, and give her more fuel to the fire of her friend calling me a narcissist. Side note: she has since stopped getting advice from that friend, because she did come to the conclusion that her friend does not have her best interest, and has seen an uglier side to her as time has gone on, but I feel the seeds of discord have been sown.
I’m so sorry, I hope some of you with good intentions stick through all of this, and I know there’s other context that could help, but I guess I just need some ideas on what to do. 7 weeks ago we started fighting over petty day to day things, 5 weeks ago we finally established her root of unhappiness, 4 weeks ago she said she needed space, 2-3 weeks ago we said we were taking a break, and I feel her feelings of negativity have only grown. I’ve sucked at giving space admittedly, as time goes on I’ve gotten better though I fear damage has been further done by not doing great about accepting her request for space. Idk, we have a child together, I love both of the children like they’re my own blood, I’ve never felt this happy in a relationship (I know I’m young, still) and now that we’re finally hitting our goals with our lifestyle changes and career changes, now she’s finally gotten to this point of giving up.
Do I try giving her space, doing my own thing and seeing if that separation and seeing my positive activities draws her back in? Or has it gone on so long that that’s not going to work? Do I try saying finally “hey I acknowledge my mistakes, but in your attempts to focus on my wrong doings I feel like you’re ignoring all the good things I did and I’d like you to try remembering those? I don’t hit her, cuss at her, our heated fights can probably be counted on 1, maybe 2 hands, I don’t cheat, I provide, I’ve taken care of the kids just about by myself for the past 5 months to give her room to get her new profession down, I cook and clean every night, not to be crass but our intimate life is very good, I know I deliver for her on that account, and I’m someone who is always willing to apologize and adapt and adjust. Any advice that isn’t slanderous to either of us would be awesome, I get at this point that if it’s too late then I need to just start preparing for that eventuality and working on myself, but for the sake of keeping my family together, I want to exhaust all of my options to make this work.

Hello everybody!
This is my cautionary tale and potential advice!
As you are probably aware, women on the spectrum are more likely to have eating disorders. Moreover we are more likely to not get sufficient or direct instructions from our doctors regarding our medical care. Below is my story on how that hurt my health and wellbeing.
Since I was a child I was a picky eater, with limited food I would accept and not a big apetite. I was also a very thin person, could not put on any weight no matter what I tried. I remember first learning what anemia is when I was 9 or 10. I struggled with my blood for years after that, despite diets and supplements. At some point I accepted that this is just what my body is like and I will be forever underweight and anemic.
Suddenly in high school I learned I developed lactose intolerance. I was devastated because diary was one of my go-to foods and a main breakfast food (either cereal or cheese sandwitch/toast). It was near impossible at that time to find any lactose-free products where I live and so my diet had to drastically change. Overnight I stopped my usual breakfast and went lactose free. That alone was a big issue but then suddenly I developped unusual headaches, dizzyness and chills.
My parents (with a history of dismissal of my health concerns) thought I am pretending to skip school. Luckily I was over 16 and scheduled my own doctor visit behind their back. Before the visit [warning: gross] I had an unexpected toilet visit with green feces. I was surprised but put it down to eating something green and not noticing. Doctor sent me for blood tests and included iron levels knowing my anemia history and worrying I have dangerously low iron levels again. Surprise surprise, my iron levels were through the roof. Turns out you can poison yourself with iron supplements. Doctor was surprised, ordered me off of any iron supplements I was taking.
I only learned years later (in university course on farmacotherapy) that drinking milk with iron pills significantly decreses their effectivness. Suddenly it all made sense. It even explained why I got worse again once lactose-free products became available (but not as bad as before).
Since then I learned that there is a lot of different interactions with medication and food you consume around the time of taking your drugs. Make sure to check grapefruit interactions if you're on antyhistamines, xanax or others, and check for St. John's Wort if you're on antidepressants.
TL:DR I overdosed on iron supplements because I stopped drinking milk everyday.

Do you guys just hit the pillow and close your eyes till you fall asleep? Do you lay down and count numbers in your head till you fall sleep?
And how do i fall asleep if im worrying or stressing about something like my first day at a new job or my short commings in life? Do i set a specific time of day where i can address those things then stop worrying about them at night?

Before requesting to try Jornay PM I tried to do a lot of research. Within this community I saw several people posting that they would share their journey for people trying to do the same research I was trying to do, but didn't see any that actually kept up with it.
I would like to do this & I think I can actually keep up on it because I'm heavily into researching things, so much so that I transitioned my career into a research role. I love learning, finding resolutions & sharing what I learn. If I can help others in the process, I'm even more into it.
We all know that medication effects different people in different ways. This will be an account of my experience. I plan to update this for at least 6 months & then I may return at a year if I'm up to it/remember.
Background: I have combined type ADHD, inattentive primary. I have also had delayed sleep phase syndrome for as long as I can remember, definitely longer than I have been diagnosed & before I knew what DSPS was.
With my DSPS I could be exhausted all day, with an extreme low mid-day, but my energy would shoot up at sundown no matter what. It is very difficult for me to wake up. I hate mornings. I tried all the things: No light, red light, white noise, brown noise, nature sounds, mindfulness, no electronics, reading before bed, hot Epsom salt baths, melatonin, Rx sleeping pills, etc. Nothing worked. Lay down at 9-11 pm, no sleep til 1-3 am.
I was on Adderall. I tried XR at first. Although it helped my ADHD symptoms, it exacerbated my sleep issues. I switched to IR thinking it may help. It did not. I lowered my dose thinking less effective treatment may be worth being able to sleep. It did nothing. I have spent a year & a half falling asleep from 4-7 am & having to start work at 8 am.
My hope is that Jornay PM will effectively address my ADHD symptoms as well as help me with my sleep disorder. I was started at the equivalent dose to the dose I was taking of Adderall: 20 mg Adderall; 40 mg Jornay PM. Even though my Adderall was too low my PCP didn't want to increase on the new Rx until we knew how it would effect me.
I have spent 1 week on 40 mg Jornay PM. It has had no effect on my symptoms. Today my PCP increased my dose to 80 mg. I will update.
Ps. The coupon on the Jornay PM website works as long as you choose a pharmacy that accepts it. I use Rite-Aid. The first dispense is free, $25 after with my insurance coverage. $75 without insurance coverage. Otherwise it is like $400-something.

Well I guess that I have to start somewhere, so why not the end! I’ve been disowned for the umpteenth time by my parents (or rather by my mum because over the years, Dad has just learned to go along with whatever she says out of duress!) This has all been as a result of my having visited them in Hay ( a 700 kilometre round trip might I add) because my Dad’s brother passed away this week and it was Mother’s Day. I thought that I’d go to show my condolences and to wish my mother and sister who also lives there a happy Mother’s Day and bring them all some hand made gifts, I’m a bit sentimental like that.
I have taken to the craft of making pebble art. The gift that I made for my mother was of an image depicting my family with my parents, my sister and I and my brother who’s passed away, as he is handing my mum a bunch of flowers. I made one for my dad depicting he and my Nan (his mother) fishing at their favourite fishing spot; my Nan passed away just last month as well and I thought it’d be a nice gesture, then I gave my sister one as well with a quote about sisters being joined by the heart.
The first day, Friday, that my husband, daughter and I came there was okay. It always is especially when I’ve not seen them for six months or more! We catch up, mum talks about her very many health conditions, she then complains a little bit about everything and everyone but it’s not over the top at this point because she and my dad are kept busy opening gifts and seemingly happy to see us! But we had decided before coming that we were going to stay in separate accommodation for the weekend with the knowledge that things with my mother usually go sour very quickly! And if we’re not having to stay at their home when it does then we can at least retain some mental stability throughout our trip! This would normally be a point in which I’d let out a bit of a chuckle or if I’m texting or writing a social media post, that I’d add the LOL at the end of that statement, simply due to the stupid realisation that unfortunately it is so very true that it’s almost comical, remembering in my mind the very many times that her very predictable unstable behaviour kicks in at around the 24 hour mark and doesn’t often dissipate until well after we’ve left if not months later! I have no clue as to why I’m still surprised by this occurrence?! Perhaps it’s because it is so unbelievably erratic and shocking to anyone that witnesses it that still even now it’s hard not only to watch unfold but to believe!
But sadly as a result of these personally flips, she lashes out in anger, she can become nasty and callous, her comments are cold and uncaring, she can become physically aggressive, and the damage done during these times can be hard to ever overcome, especially if she aims any comment or remark at you! It is during these times that you know in your soul that she has not a single care for you, not an ounce, and that the only attention or compassion shown towards you as her child or friend is one of obligation out of her need to keep up appearances with those who are still weaved in her web of “social media” deception! She wouldn’t dare lift a finger for anyone in person! But just the fact that we pre decided to obtain alternative accommodation was possibly one of the triggers I was already prepared would set her off, as we would usually choose to stay with her and dad in their spare room over crowded with belongings of the past and present, not unlike the rest of their home.
With this alone, one would see that she has an overwhelming need to retain old memories, be them bad or good. She still literally keeps every ounce of clothing I’ve ever passed on to her since well before I had children which was 27 years ago! Looking in her wardrobe, there are outfits there I remember her wearing when I was a teenager! Her bathroom still retains the $2 gifts (still in their packaging) that us kids bought for her from school Mother’s Day stalls, and the Mary Kay makeup I used to steal when I was attending high school!
Her kitchen still holds the Amway cookware she purchased for hundreds of dollars before I can remember! And to make matters worse, even some of the food in her pantry is from supermarkets no longer operating! Over the years, her hoarding has been a bit of a thorn in dad’s side, having lived a life of drifting from house to house, town to town, moving around as often as they have, having to cart it all along with them and something us kids (myself, my brother and sister) have always found funny to pick on her about, but in writing this, it is easy to see that her need to keep the past fresh in her mind and under her nose is a sickness all In itself.
Whilst we were visiting, we visited my sister in her little unit. It’s like walking back into the 70s and equally as much as a step back in time like my mother’s house! My sister has been diagnosed with schizophrenia which when first diagnosed was apparently drug induced, however; going from the lifestyle we were forced to live as the children to my parents and their lifestyle choices plus my brother and I having been diagnosed with conditions and disorders of our own, putting the puzzle pieces together as to how we’ve all accumulated mental health diagnoses isn’t that difficult taking into consideration that neither one of my parents exerted any kind of maternal instincts at all! And not even as us kids have grown and struggled through our lives, we had always been told by them that once we turned 18 we’d no longer be their “problem” anymore!
My sister’s name is Julie. She moved in with my mum and dad after one of her countless admissions to the psychiatric hospital in Bendigo, having absconded from their independent living facility which is meant to be a monitored introduction back into society after a mental health admission, but she always left before she gave the chance for them to find her accommodation that wasn’t with her abusive ex husband and 4 children.
Sitting down with her in her home, hearing all about the time she’s lived in Hay both with and near my parents, how our mum would bail her up sometimes (which had happened recently) even physically, how she’s thrown dishes at her and how she abuses her denying her food for being overweight on a daily basis… how she calls her fat and crazy… there’s literally a Myriad of abuse in all its forms being dished out to Julie, and yet, because she has nowhere else to go, like the situation my brother was in living with them on and off before he passed away (under questionable circumstances in my opinion) she has no choice but to endure it… and it saddens me to hear about it all let alone see it going on right before my eyes! Especially when the exact same denigrating comments about being useless, overweight, a waste of a life and criticism about the way she’s living her life, the choices she’s making and what she chooses to eat etc etc was also drilled into my brother by my parents and whispered to all that they spoke too for many many years before by brother lost his life.
I know through my own experience having lived with her that her poisonous mouth can lead a person to questioning your mere existence, your reason for living and remove all self esteem in a single spat with her! In 2013 I took an overdose due to a gross level of mental health issues and past trauma which I couldn’t deal with. My parents were living with us at the time and my youngest daughter exhibited some challenging behaviours… my mum found it difficult to cope with her however she made no attempt at patience or compassion and so in a fleeting moment she’s said to my daughter “if I was your mother I would’ve killed myself a long time ago!”
Wow! Just WOW! The above mentioned examples of how toxic my mother is… after only explaining to you the very tip of the iceberg in these few paragraphs, even I am second guessing writing this at all, and I’m finding it hard to fathom how I can rehash the past and get into more detail about the really bad situations! Not to mention, go into my life right from childhood until now with her and my father which is yet to come!
Writing this down, whether I share it here or not is going to be a huge journey for me that’ll take a lot of courage and open some really raw emotions… bring back old memories that I’ve suppressed and disassociated myself from… there will undoubtedly be many trigger points that I will go into which some people might become affected by, including me, but mine is a life that was, is and continues to be a challenge day in and day out… it’s something I’ve had to survive, a life and reality that I still struggle so much with but least attempt to cope with and in some way, I hope that my story will be able to shine a light on just how the importance of love, attention, affection and nurturing in our childhood really do mould the person we eventually become…

Well I guess that I have to start somewhere, so why not the end! I’ve been disowned for the umpteenth time by my parents (or rather by my mum because over the years, Dad has just learned to go along with whatever she says out of duress!) This has all been as a result of my having visited them in Hay ( a 700 kilometre round trip might I add) because my Dad’s brother passed away this week and it was Mother’s Day. I thought that I’d go to show my condolences and to wish my mother and sister who also lives there a happy Mother’s Day and bring them all some hand made gifts, I’m a bit sentimental like that.
I have taken to the craft of making pebble art. The gift that I made for my mother was of an image depicting my family with my parents, my sister and I and my brother who’s passed away, as he is handing my mum a bunch of flowers. I made one for my dad depicting he and my Nan (his mother) fishing at their favourite fishing spot; my Nan passed away just last month as well and I thought it’d be a nice gesture, then I gave my sister one as well with a quote about sisters being joined by the heart.
The first day, Friday, that my husband, daughter and I came there was okay. It always is especially when I’ve not seen them for six months or more! We catch up, mum talks about her very many health conditions, she then complains a little bit about everything and everyone but it’s not over the top at this point because she and my dad are kept busy opening gifts and seemingly happy to see us! But we had decided before coming that we were going to stay in separate accommodation for the weekend with the knowledge that things with my mother usually go sour very quickly! And if we’re not having to stay at their home when it does then we can at least retain some mental stability throughout our trip! This would normally be a point in which I’d let out a bit of a chuckle or if I’m texting or writing a social media post, that I’d add the LOL at the end of that statement, simply due to the stupid realisation that unfortunately it is so very true that it’s almost comical, remembering in my mind the very many times that her very predictable unstable behaviour kicks in at around the 24 hour mark and doesn’t often dissipate until well after we’ve left if not months later! I have no clue as to why I’m still surprised by this occurrence?! Perhaps it’s because it is so unbelievably erratic and shocking to anyone that witnesses it that still even now it’s hard not only to watch unfold but to believe!
But sadly as a result of these personally flips, she lashes out in anger, she can become nasty and callous, her comments are cold and uncaring, she can become physically aggressive, and the damage done during these times can be hard to ever overcome, especially if she aims any comment or remark at you! It is during these times that you know in your soul that she has not a single care for you, not an ounce, and that the only attention or compassion shown towards you as her child or friend is one of obligation out of her need to keep up appearances with those who are still weaved in her web of “social media” deception! She wouldn’t dare lift a finger for anyone in person! But just the fact that we pre decided to obtain alternative accommodation was possibly one of the triggers I was already prepared would set her off, as we would usually choose to stay with her and dad in their spare room over crowded with belongings of the past and present, not unlike the rest of their home.
With this alone, one would see that she has an overwhelming need to retain old memories, be them bad or good. She still literally keeps every ounce of clothing I’ve ever passed on to her since well before I had children which was 27 years ago! Looking in her wardrobe, there are outfits there I remember her wearing when I was a teenager! Her bathroom still retains the $2 gifts (still in their packaging) that us kids bought for her from school Mother’s Day stalls, and the Mary Kay makeup I used to steal when I was attending high school!
Her kitchen still holds the Amway cookware she purchased for hundreds of dollars before I can remember! And to make matters worse, even some of the food in her pantry is from supermarkets no longer operating! Over the years, her hoarding has been a bit of a thorn in dad’s side, having lived a life of drifting from house to house, town to town, moving around as often as they have, having to cart it all along with them and something us kids (myself, my brother and sister) have always found funny to pick on her about, but in writing this, it is easy to see that her need to keep the past fresh in her mind and under her nose is a sickness all In itself.
Whilst we were visiting, we visited my sister in her little unit. It’s like walking back into the 70s and equally as much as a step back in time like my mother’s house! My sister has been diagnosed with schizophrenia which when first diagnosed was apparently drug induced, however; going from the lifestyle we were forced to live as the children to my parents and their lifestyle choices plus my brother and I having been diagnosed with conditions and disorders of our own, putting the puzzle pieces together as to how we’ve all accumulated mental health diagnoses isn’t that difficult taking into consideration that neither one of my parents exerted any kind of maternal instincts at all! And not even as us kids have grown and struggled through our lives, we had always been told by them that once we turned 18 we’d no longer be their “problem” anymore!
My sister’s name is Julie. She moved in with my mum and dad after one of her countless admissions to the psychiatric hospital in Bendigo, having absconded from their independent living facility which is meant to be a monitored introduction back into society after a mental health admission, but she always left before she gave the chance for them to find her accommodation that wasn’t with her abusive ex husband and 4 children.
Sitting down with her in her home, hearing all about the time she’s lived in Hay both with and near my parents, how our mum would bail her up sometimes (which had happened recently) even physically, how she’s thrown dishes at her and how she abuses her denying her food for being overweight on a daily basis… how she calls her fat and crazy… there’s literally a Myriad of abuse in all its forms being dished out to Julie, and yet, because she has nowhere else to go, like the situation my brother was in living with them on and off before he passed away (under questionable circumstances in my opinion) she has no choice but to endure it… and it saddens me to hear about it all let alone see it going on right before my eyes! Especially when the exact same denigrating comments about being useless, overweight, a waste of a life and criticism about the way she’s living her life, the choices she’s making and what she chooses to eat etc etc was also drilled into my brother by my parents and whispered to all that they spoke too for many many years before by brother lost his life.
I know through my own experience having lived with her that her poisonous mouth can lead a person to questioning your mere existence, your reason for living and remove all self esteem in a single spat with her! In 2013 I took an overdose due to a gross level of mental health issues and past trauma which I couldn’t deal with. My parents were living with us at the time and my youngest daughter exhibited some challenging behaviours… my mum found it difficult to cope with her however she made no attempt at patience or compassion and so in a fleeting moment she’s said to my daughter “if I was your mother I would’ve killed myself a long time ago!”
Wow! Just WOW! The above mentioned examples of how toxic my mother is… after only explaining to you the very tip of the iceberg in these few paragraphs, even I am second guessing writing this at all, and I’m finding it hard to fathom how I can rehash the past and get into more detail about the really bad situations! Not to mention, go into my life right from childhood until now with her and my father which is yet to come!
Writing this down, whether I share it here or not is going to be a huge journey for me that’ll take a lot of courage and open some really raw emotions… bring back old memories that I’ve suppressed and disassociated myself from… there will undoubtedly be many trigger points that I will go into which some people might become affected by, including me, but mine is a life that was, is and continues to be a challenge day in and day out… it’s something I’ve had to survive, a life and reality that I still struggle so much with but least attempt to cope with and in some way, I hope that my story will be able to shine a light on just how the importance of love, attention, affection and nurturing in our childhood really do mould the person we eventually become…

I (30F) am getting married this year abroad and my Dad is not invited to the wedding anymore.
Bit of a back story, I grew up with 2 drug addicted parents. My mom died a few years ago due to a drug overdose and my dad doesn’t do hard drugs anymore however still smokes pot and takes Valium.
I never argued with my Dad, we always got a long great no matter how ‘ out of it ‘ he was, I never judged my parents or seen them as anything else other than my parents who showed me a lot of love but had demons they could never get rid of and unfortunately it got a grip of my mom,
My Dad has a really bad temper, never towards me but if anyone did him wrong then he would lash out, whether you were someone he knew, the police or even one of his friends.
My Dad broke up with my mom in 2015 and was with a new woman , we’ll call her Carly (she also smokes pot, takes tablets )
I didn’t mind my Dad being with Carly as my Mom and Dad were always very toxic together and they were never suited together.
My Mom died in 2019 and it was really hard on all of us especially my little brother (17M) who I am so close with, he then went to live with my Dad full time and I was living with my now fiance at the time.
Fast forward to now, my dad wants to bring Carly to our wedding, I don’t want her there as I’m really nervous that my Dad will get so high on our wedding day and embarrass us so when he asked can Carly go, I said no but said it would be disrespectful to Mom as I didn’t want to tell the truth about being nervous he will be high on the day incase he got defensive however I should of just said the truth.
My Dad was off with me for about 2 weeks and then last night, out of nowhere he exploded in a disgusting text message where he has said things that he has never said before to me however , he has said these things to other people so I know it was him. He said he wished I was dead, that I need to ‘get over’ my mom being dead and if she was alive she wouldn’t be at my wedding and said I think I’m better than everyone else.
Just for reference, I went down a path where I seen my parents do drugs and refused to have a life like that, I never went to college but wanted to work, have my own money and have my own independence. I now own my own home with my fiancé and don’t depend on anyone financially so this is why my Dad said I think I’m better than anyone else.
I didn’t even argue, I just messaged back and said I’m really hurt and to never contact me again and blocked his number.
I don’t know what else to do here as my Dad was supposed to walk me down the aisle, I have such a small family as it is and now my Mom, Dad and possible my little brother (17M) won’t be there.
I’m really stuck at this point and have not stopped crying all day.
Have I over reacted here?

We lost our moms and our foster kid in the past two years. My auntie that was like a mom has slid into dementia and doesn't want us to visit or call anymore. Because I'm a woman, people will wish me happy mother's day if I want to hear it or not... and I definitely don't.
My mother died not speaking to me cause she was pissed off that I wouldn't take care of her at home during covid... and I still don't know what killed her other than that it was cancer that she chose not to have treated. I lie to myself about how I failed her, I tell myself she knew I was there at the end and just didn't have the strength to speak.
It's a huge fucking lie. She wouldn't look in my direction, even though she was talking to the docs and nurses. I was alone with her when she died. She didn't say goodbye, she wouldn't so much as squeeze my hand, because I'm that much of a failure as a daughter. But I can't bear to think of it that way, so I lie and lie and lie. And I let others lie to me, never calling them out on what my heart knows is true.
My foster son died of an overdose 3 months later, after moving halfway across the country to try to reconnect with his blood family. Which I encouraged him to do.... and failed him, too.
I feel inadequate, incomplete, incompetent, cold, uncaring. And I have to watch while people that still have every fucking chance to make things work for their moms and their kids piss and fucking moan over what did or didn't happen for them. You're here, your kids are here, your moms are here, your future is in your hands and you can fucking do anything. You're choosing to settle for relationships in which you are not respected, that are not ideal and throw yourselves little fucking pity parties over not getting breakfast in bed or what the fuck ever for the Perfect Celebration. Fuck that, go live a LIFE that means loving the people around you every fucking day, not just chasing the Hallmark Moments.
If it helps at all, I hate myself more than I do you. Because for a very short window, I was really really fucking happy, with a kid that called me mom and wanted to be with me, and a mom that wasn't completely horrible if I graded on a steep curve... and I fucking missed it with the workaday worries that ultimately don't matter.

https://www.reddit.com/GriefSupport/comments/1bykm11/anaia/
https://www.reddit.com/GriefSupport/comments/1bxzqi4/siste
About a month ago, I posted two separate posts on this subreddit about my younger sister, Anaia, who passed away on March 17th, 2024. In one post I gave photos, and in the other I wrote about her addiction, but I don't think I've really talked about myself.
It has been nearly two months since my little sister passed away, and I wouldn't describe it as grueling or depressing, just unusual. On April 22nd, it was confirmed to my family that Anaia died as a result of fentanyl toxicity, which was the reason I always assumed but to have it confirmed was very depressing. Yesterday, I went to my grandmother's house and there were a few copies of Anaia's death certificate, in the onset interval to death section, I said minutes. When talking to my mother (me and my parents talk all the time, my dad sits in my room and plays games while we talk about Anaia or something random, and me and my mother will talk about random things as well as Anaia too.), she told me her perspective of that morning. Long story short, around 11:45AM, I woke up to my mother screaming my sister's name and she soon realized she was unresponsive, me and my father woke up soon after and I called 911, and that's the short version. I assumed my sister was in her covers sleeping and fentanyl overrid her system, but no, my mom told me that when she walked into Anaia's room, she was laid flat out on top of all of her covers, arms outstretched to the side. Learning that was a major shock to me, and I'll explain why.
Sure, Anaia's death was nearly instant. But hearing the details of what my mom said really drove him that once it happened, it didn't matter whether we went into there at the right time or later, there was likely nothing that could've been done. From my understanding, it was almost as if she was up one second and collapsed the next. There was dried vomit on clothes next to her bed, making me assume that after vomiting, she just collapsed instantly after and died. After calling 911, my mother demanded out of fear for me to help her perform CPR, and I didn't hesitate to do so. But, anyone in that situation could tell, with no details given, that there was nothing that could've been done. The typical signs of a deceased body were very present, and even I (doing the mouth resuscitation) knew that if I felt no air coming back onto me, and touching her neck didn't give a pulse, I quickly understood that this was it, like there was nothing me or my parents could've done. When the paramedics arrived at 12 exactly, it took them a minute or two for them to tell us that there was nothing to be done, and ultimately, Anaia had died long, long before we got to her. They said roughly 6-8 hours, meaning at the earliest 3am, and at the latest 5am. It's a disheartening fact for him, and even my father expressed to me too a few nights ago, but we wished that at least there was a chance for us to get to her beforehand. Maybe if he and I or my mom went into her room for no real reason in the middle of the night, we would've been able to save her. What really struck me when my dad was telling me that was him acknowledging that while he and my mom were watching TV, he couldn't bare to imagine that simultaneously Anaia was dying. I felt the same way, I was awake around 3-3:30AM, and if she died during that time, I was totally unaware scrolling through my phone.
I wish that there was something to be done. During her time alive, and when she started doing street dealt percocets, I warned her about fentanyl, and ultimately I wish she had heeded my warning and stayed off them when she did quit in December. I'm a sociable person, and I'm one of those people that have a wide different variety of groups and friends I hang out with, and I may not be in extracurricular activities but even those that are popular in my school know me. As a result of being so sociable, I know people that do drugs, and only a set few who do percocets, one of my closest friends used to be a heavy percocet user and I used to tell her as much as I did my sister to quit. My friend and my sister quit, but one returned and one didn't. One is still here, and one is not. It doesn't matter how many people I told not to do percocets, of course I would've wanted my sister to be the one to really listen to me. But ultimately, the person I wanted to save the most didn't make it. I've saved others, but with my sister, it almost made my words feel like nothing after she died. No matter however many times I told her to please find something less dangerous and more beneficial, to not risk her life, she kept using and lost her life. Said friend and two other friends of my sister (I know both of them) were also at some point active percocet users, and they told me that they felt it like it should've been them, seeing my mother made them see that that could've been their parents, their siblings, their friends and relatives, etc. I told them bluntly that it in fact could've been them in Anaia's position, I told them that just because Anaia's clock stopping running doesn't mean there's has to, they can avoid being in her position. Then it got me thinking, there's plenty of other people who overdose on purpose, who overdose 9 times, who overdose and suffer long term effects like paralyzation, but still remain. Anaia overdosed once, and that was the final time. I believe in God and Jesus but I'm not a preacher, I believe and keep it pushing but I'm not religiously based. I believe in the concept of everyone having a time and a date, but sometimes I find myself questioning that if that's the case, are we just here to live a predetermined fate that we have no control over? At the end of the day, was I meant to go through this? Thinking like that plagues my mind, but I settle for it being her time to go, as seeing other drug users made me wonder what they may be here to prove on earth that Anaia could not. I don't like questioning others' lives and why they get to live longer, that's not me, and I'm glad they've been granted more chances, it just sucks my sister wasn't granted that chance in the grand scheme of things. Predetermined or not, there was so much she could've lived for, but I believe there's a reason time can't be reversed, and there's many unexplained miracles that somehow eases me into thinking that I shouldn't throw myself into a hole of questioning why she didn't get a chance, and just accepting that her race ended earlier than mine. I believe things happen for a reason, it's an insensitive statement depending on the situation, but things happen for people to learn and grow from them, but no one really knows why. I've just had to come to the conclusion hat my sister is okay, she's safe, and I have no reason to continue to question her life and worry about her if she's not here with me anymore, you feel?
From a brother perspective, it sucks. It feels somewhat lonely, to live and breathe as an only child. I've become accustomed to being an older brother to a younger sister, but I turned 16 without her, and that's how it'll be for the rest of my life. At her visitation on March 30th, I didn't cry, but seeing her body just made me shake my head. She looked very nice, the funeral home did an amazing job, but it hit me that this was really her. There were distinct things I saw that she had in life that made me come to that conclusion that that was what was left my little sister, and at the funeral + burial the next day, watching her being lowered into the ground left my head empty. No thoughts, she watching as her casket covered in a white sheet was lowered into the ground, and that'd be it. I grew up with this person, and now I have to look down on this person and go through life without this amazing person. I never imagine something like this happening, especially not like this. I always wanted to die first because I was older, a thought I feared ever since I was a child. That didn't get to happen, and milestones man. She'll never get to graduate the year after me, never get to have that lovely relationship with that special one that she always wanted, she never got to be an aunt, a mom, nothing. One day, I hope to have children and I will tell them about Anaia, but do I wish they'd have been able to meet her if that time came. Everyday, I walk past her room, sometimes I go in there and sometimes I don't. Two weeks after her death, her mattress was taken out by me and my dad's friend, up until a few weeks ago, her room was left scattered the way it was when she died minus the mattress, and now, everything has been cleaned up. It's empty, and the emptiness is another reality check. I'll never see Anaia again, and in the potential next life I believe I will, but the fact I can't now is a hard concept to grasp. No more walking to the bus stop, no more barging into her room or vice versa, no more waiting forever for her to complete her makeup, no more random room hangouts, no more of her asking me to flash a light for her Instagram pictures for an excruciating ten minutes, none of them. Her physical presence is gone, I come home everyday and instantly the thought of her being gone hits me. Riding in the car with my parents, being at school, going out, it doesn't feel the same knowing in the back of my head she's gone, no matter how much fun I have. Regardless, I've returned to normal life, matter of fact, I started going to school every day instantly after the funeral, and during the two weeks of March 17th-March 31st, I showed up to school here and there. It didn't take a toll to do so, because I've accepted that though Anaia died, I'm still alive? I don't stop when she does, that'll have more of an effect. Life still goes on, time doesn't stop for no one no matter how much I may want it to. I honestly sit my current happiness at like a 6.5-7, higher than one may expect. I still have my parents, my friends, and all of my relatives, an important chunk is just missing but I still have my people. I only feel alone in the sibling aspect, but in reality, people make me happy everyday and still continue to. I joke how I've always joked, people have said I look much better than how I did initially, there's notable sadness on my face, but I look happier. If that's true, then I hope it stays that way. I still go out to these afterschool events, outside friend hangous, they bring joy. I just miss my sister 25/8, but I've learned to appreciate life just a little bit more now. If she's okay, I'm okay.
Lastly, I wanted to mention dreams. People say they have dreams of deceased loved ones all the time, I personally haven't yet, would like to, but until then that hasn't been the case. I'm not talking dreams with the person in them, I mean direct communication dreams. My mother has had two, my dad's friend has had one, and my close friend mentioned earlier has had one, but the one that sticks out the most is my little cousin's dream. My mom has a younger sister herself and in 2018, she had her first child, his nickname is JP. During 2021-2022, me and Anaia lived with my grandmother due to losing our apartment (our parents stayed separately at a grouphome my dad worked at, they work for my grandmother's company), and my aunt as well as JP stayed with my grandma. JP essentially became me and Anaia's little brother that we didn't have, and vice versa for him, he sees me and Anaia has his older siblings. Seeing him seem so heartbroken after Anaia died was very sad, as you can see written on this five-year-old's face that Anaia was someone who truly mattered to him and he was so sad about it. However, in his dream, Anaia came to him and told him she loved all of us, that she regretted not seeing him grow older, and that what happened to her was an accident. The part that got me was that Anaia told him that where she was was beautiful, he asked to see it, and she told him he couldn't see it yet. Kids just don't make things like that up in my opinion, and he worded it very detailed for a kindergartener, and JP is at the age where his words don't conflict with other things he's said, he's consistent with it and he tells me the same thing he told me the first time when I ask him here and then. He can see it one day, but he can't see it, not yet. What that tells me is that if life is so hard, death must be so beautiful afterwards, and that there is an afterlife. Even if I believed in a separate religion, or if my current religion isn't the truth, I will always believe in an afterlife. I refuse to believe that this world is it, and kids just don't pull stuff out their butt in a serious situation. I believe him. If that's the case, then I'll gladly wait. It doesn't matter how many people die during my lifetime, whatever remains of it, and how many new people I might meet in my life. If my hope of living to elder age and I meet someone and create a family, and even if said wife and or children die before me if that plan does happen, there's only one person I wish to greet me. I hear that people see a loved one before they die, and I hope Anaia is the one that comes to see me when it's all over. Forever, no matter who else passes before me, Anaia's will stay the worst, the most impactful, and that's a strong statement to make but I'm sure of that. I have plenty of goals I have for myself, but my end goal once the others are done is to get past 70, pass peacefully, and have my sister wait for me there. I hope that wouldn't be much to ask for.
That's it.

I (19F) tried to commit suicide on my birthday a few days ago by overdosing. However, I got scared and took myself to the er, thankfully before any major damage was done. When my mom got the er she was angry and was saying things like “now when you apply for jobs they will see that your mentally sick” and asking me if I’m a lesbian or if I’m sexually active (I’m straight and a virgin lmao) as she was trying to find a reason as to why I attempted. She was calling all of my family members and making me speak to them in the er, so they could also degrade me and tell me how foolish I am. She also told me she would not visit or call me if I was admitted to the hospital.
After she left I was admitted to the emergency psych ward where I stayed for 2 days before they discharged me. The only person who I felt was there for me and listened to my problems was my cousin (she’s actually a family friend but she’s became like a family member to me).
Today was my first day home from the hospital and it’s been hell. My mom was yelling at me, took my phone away, and told me I need to apologize for attempting suicide and causing her stress as she already has health issues. Also, this summer she has already planned a trip to go back home to Africa for a few weeks but she told me I could stay home since I’ll be taking summer classes at my college. Well today she told me to withdraw from my summer classes and she’s gonna buy me a ticket to go with her. I immediately said no because I have no idea what her plans are, and I’ve already seen horror stories of African parents sending their kids back home and leaving them there. She said if I don’t go then she’ll kick me out. Not sure if she’s just bluffing or what but I’m worried.
I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ve been diagnosed with unspecified mood affective disorder and this situation is making me even more suicidal. I only work on the weekends and make $150-$200 a week which isn’t enough to support myself. I just need some advice or some words of encouragement. Also, if anyone can suggest any jobs I can apply to that have better benefits that would be great as well.
Ps. Sorry if this is too long

Some background: I'm a little over 60. I'm an only child., widowed and childless. My father died in 2004.
My mother died February 18 after a year of struggling with stroke, heart failure and pneumonia. I missed getting to say goodbye to her by about 20 minutes. She was everything to me, and I miss her so much. Her birthday, she would have been 89, was late last month. Mother's Day yesterday was very hard. I miss her so so much.
On April 1,my job laid me off. A corporation bought out most of the corporation I worked for and my position was eliminated. I was the seniormost team member, lots of experience and skills and the remaining team couldn't do what I did, and would be overworked taking on my caseload. And yes I think age and disbility discrimination had a lot to do with it.
I am looking for a job. My last employer accepted my request for ADA accomodation to work at home. (I survived a bad car wreck, I walk with a cane, and a lot of walking is just painful). I'm not sure any new employers are interested in that.
I sold my condo I am getting enough money to buy something very modest for cash. And by modest I mean a 'manufactured home' or 'mobile home.' Yes, not many people's idea of 'ideal' housing. But for me - having a paid for little place, small but comfortable, for just me and 2 cats is perfect. Would I rather have a cottage of some sort? Yes. But I can't afford one. And having a paid for house and a paid for car is not a bad thing, you know?
I have found a really cute and well priced home in a clean park in a small city about an hour away. I wll have unemployment coming in soon and I would have enough money left over to pay lot rent, utilities, and food and gasoline and such for awhile.
The thing is - my credit took a dive and these mobile home parks run a check on credit, income, and crime. Let's take those one at a time. First, no criminal history at all. Second, I can say I'm on FMLA leave as a reason for not having May paychecks. (It was true when I was let go so it's lying but only a little). But my credit took a dip because I was paralyzed by my firing and did not pay my mortgage in Aprl. (TBH, I thought about killing myself a lot and I was just trying to leave money for someone to throw me in a cremation oven and rehome my cats.)
I could buy a home but not be allowed to live in a mobile home park because of my credit. I don't know of anything I can do to reverse this. I'm willing to listen to any ideas.
No job - no family - soon no home. This is not a good life. I realize some people have things worse - everyone is always better off than someone else, I suppose. But I have to live my life and it's so lonely and so bleak now. I go to bed (I'm up to 2 unisom, 4 melatonin, 4 tylenol pm now!) and try to stop my brain from going over and over all the ways I'm headed for ruin. But I wake up and my brain tells me that my best days are behind me and I'm going to live with my cats in my car until I just drop them at a shelter, then drive to a gun shop, then, do what I have to do. I don't really want to do that. But there's not much else to do with my crappy life, is there?

From her current live becuz I told people to stop with the door dashing comment becuz this bitch only want cash she don't want help.
Lisa, You stupid fool if your so fucken starving then you would accept door dash orders you fucken Crack head. Someone sent you 15$ last night for smokes let us guess you went and got your 1 point to get high for a half hour. Clean your nasty house there's bugs crawling all over your walls 🤮 Clean your nails they are fucken nasty. Clip your dogs nails. Your a fucken disgrace. I hope the people who send you money makes it your last time begging, do us all a favor and just overdose already. Your teeth are nasty. Don't do drugs people or you'll look like that mugrat
Keep reporting those new Cashapp people she keeps adding new ones and there's so many in this world that can keep reporting those accounts then other people will be mad becuz their accounts get locked up as well
To the people who keep sending this chick money your truly an idiot.
On to my burner account to go watch you cry like a big baby you are.

Columbia's homeless situation feels like a ticking time bomb. I know that many of you are just tired of talking about it and that may be why our City officials seem to be complacent regarding the problem.
This is a long read but we need to get a serious conversation started.
Here goes...
The problems surrounding the growing number of homeless people in Columbia seem to be on the brink of becoming untenable. We’ve all noticed the increase in homeless encampments, panhandlers and drifters listlessly wandering the streets of Columbia. While I realize that I’ve already violated many of the rules of political correctness, sensitivity and tolerance in the first two sentences, my fear is that our city is about to be overwhelmed by a series of circumstances that will be hard to reverse. It’s time for city officials to step up and take the problem more seriously before we reach that dreaded point of no return.
In recent years, Columbia has gained a reputation for being a city that is resource-rich in its ability to provide services to those who are “unhoused.” If we were living up to that claim, you wouldn’t see scores of people sleeping on public sidewalks and between dumpsters in Columbia’s downtown allies. Not only has our city proven itself incapable of housing the homeless, we’ve dropped the ball in terms of providing the necessary mental health and substance abuse assistance that is closely associated with being chronically homeless.
Despite the millions of dollars spent annually by our city and county governments and social service agencies on the issue, we have proven ourselves unable to deal with the harsh realities of Columbia’s homeless population in a humane way. Unfortunately, you won’t read about it in the local newspapers or see it on the evening news, but the number of homeless people who die from exposure and drug overdoses in our community is staggering.
My heart’s desire is to be compassionate about Columbia’s homeless population. However, 1 can’t set aside the incompetence of public officials and social service do-gooders who seem to ignore the obvious inhumanity and danger associated with the increasing migration of homeless people into our community.
All of us should be concerned by the threats to public safety created when desperate people turn to violence to get the fix they need, whether it’s food, alcohol or opioids. Beyond just the destruction of private property, you should know that nearly 40% of all police and medical calls in Columbia are related in some way to Columbia’s homeless population. When police officers are dealing with the vagrancy and disorderly conduct of a homeless man in a downtown alley, they can’t respond to calls in your neighborhood. Columbia’s police force is already down by more than 40 uniformed officers. Calls for robbery, vandalism and suspicious vehicles take a very low priority when our law enforcement resources are stretched so thin.
I love the fact that Columbia is a caring and compassionate community, however, l often wonder if we’re doing more harm than good when we fail to provide the necessary resources to this vulnerable population. The competition for public funding among so many social service agencies would surprise the casual observer. There’s so much money being thrown at the problem, but there’s little demand for any level of accountability in regard to how these dollars are spent. If the metric for success is in any way tied to getting people off the streets, Columbia, tragically, deserves a failing grade.
It’s worth repeating that Columbia’s homeless population is not connected in any way to a lack of affordable housing. You could offer an endless supply of free housing to anyone who wants it, but the problem won’t go away until you address the root causes.
Columbia’s homeless problem feels like a ticking time bomb waiting to explode. Those involved with area law enforcement will tell you that authorities in Kansas City are regularly providing one-way bus tickets to Columbia to homeless individuals on the streets in their community. You can be angry that public officials are responding to a crisis in that manner, but at least they’re doing something. You can’t say the same about Columbia’s elected officials. They’re more worried about climate action and creating a sanctuary city for transgender individuals. What will it take to get the attention of Columbia’s mayor and city council members? Will it come down to a vicious attack on a college student by a deranged assailant who came to Columbia under the false pretenses that he/she might get the help they so desperately needed? The danger is real.
Spending $18 million on the new Opportunity Campus for homeless individuals is only going to exacerbate the problem because it will feed the false belief that Columbia is a good place to be homeless. Rather than sticking their heads in the sand, it’s time for public officials to make this their top priority. While there are no easy answers, their current complacency is completely unacceptable.
Fred

Missing almost all my teeth, only have my bottom incisors from canine to canine.. so the bottom teeth you would see when I speak. I’m at the point where my gums are so infected and my mouth is so bad I don’t even know what to do.. I don’t even know what to or how to brush , I just wanna stop the progression or do whatever I can to try and save myself some future trouble.. it’s at the point the pulp of most of my remaining teeth is just dissolving. along with my jaw bone dissolving , I’ve lost so much mass. It’s effected my life in so many ways but the biggest is my social life, or the one I used to have. I have absolutely no social life I never leave my house not even for family functions, let alone some bar or club. I’m just at the point I’ve realized it’s too late , I will never be able to afford implants , and removable dentures just speed up the bone loss of the jaw and I’ll be damned if I walk around with no teeth and my jaw being collapsed to the point my bottom lip rest over the top one. id rather just overdose on opioids/downers , n if it fails n comes to it, paint the contents of my my head onto the canvas that is my ceiling. Any advice/tips on what I should do is much appreciated, thank you all regardless.

I am on a throwaway account because this is a lot and I just want to be secure as this is ongoing and my real life. I am sorry if this is long but it has to be to get the full spectrum of the situation.
I (31F) have been dating my boyfriend, Paul (32M), since last September 2023. We both each have 4-year olds from our last relationships. At the beginning of the relationship, I had just been leaving my previous 6-year relationship. But Paul took that with stride and was very supportive. He had met my daughter, Jamie (4F), and he liked her. Our daughters had met many times throughout the coming months.
However, once Paul had spent more time around my daughter Jamie, he'd noticed some things off with her. Not that I hadn't also, because being her mom the last 4 years I had noticed my child seemed to be having issues with defiance and hyperactivity. However being a first-time mom I thought that her hyperactivity was normal, as did her father. I truly didn't see that there was an issue persay until Paul let me know how not normal her behaviors were. I admitted to him that I had been depressed and felt overwhelmed with her off and on before meeting him and I told him I'd always described her as "hard to handle" but I just thought it was a toddler thing. I have felt out of control and like I wasn't sure of what to do with her. Because it was overwhelming, I would just shut down and figured that she was just strong-willed like I am and I guess I'd have to deal with it. None of my punishments or reprimands worked with her thus far. At first Paul expressed genuine concern and seemed to want to help me with Jamie's short-comings. He stepped in and tried to help me with disciplining her. Jamie's school has now expressed a decline in her behaviors and that she is being overly hyper-active, not paying attention, and saying no to teachers.
Paul and I found out we were pregnant in the end of February and his lease became up April 1st, he moved into my home with my daughter and I.
I slowly watched Paul become depressed, he doesn't have a car nor a job, due to a workplace injury. Mind you, he hasn't seen his daughter at all recently and its taking a toll on him. Him not having a car at the moment and no permanent residence has caused him to not be able to see his daughter. Now that Paul is living with us a few weeks, he has expressed genuine distaste about my daughter. He starts saying meaner and meaner things about her.
He has told me to take a complete backseat in raising Jamie. He says that I am no good at disciplining her and I am the reason she is the way she is. He says blatantly that her father and I failed her and we are terrible parents. I take a lot of this into consideration and believe he's right, even though her father and I tried to discipline her, restrict her time on electronics, amongst many other tactics which have seemingly failed. Paul does outlandish things, and they keep getting worse. People reading this story are going think I'm making things up.
But, Paul makes a doll out of clothes and other things to put outside my daughter's door to scare her so she doesn't wake up in the middle of the night. He also pretends to do growling and mean noises to scare her into staying her in her room. He also locked her in her room at night without my consent. Everytime I got up to tell him to stop or try and stop him from what he was doing he would yell at me to go back and lay down. I also found out later that he gave her a handful of melatonin gummies without my knowledge or consent to try and "calm her down". All of which he tells me later to his own admission. A feeble attempt at somehow ridding himself of guilt or maybe he truly doesn't think its wrong?
I am holding onto hope as we were planning to move into a new home on April 22nd, and so this life was only temporary until we got settled. I had already made the arrangements for my daughter to see a therapist and get help. But this doesn't seem to satisfy Paul. He claims to absolutely know that she is autistic and that I am horrible for not understanding she's autistic.
Despite my genuine attempt at getting my daughter help, Paul is unremorseful. He is cold and has now come to telling me horrible and nasty things about my daughter. He says she is a piece of shit, right to me, and so that she is able to hear. He also calls her a retard and ugly right to her face. I yell and beg him to stop but he won't. Mind you, we have only been at this new house now for about a week or so.
I am now beyond desperate to try and "fix" my daughter so that this relationship can work because I am carrying his baby. At the beginning he said he loved my daughter and I so much and he'd do anything for us and now I see it was an evil lie. This is who he really is and I'm terrified.
A week or so goes by, and the dr has diagnosed my daughter with ADHD. I tell Paul this thinking he will be happy and that we have a solution to this issue, and somehow it isn't good enough. He says I downplayed her behavior to the dr and that she has a clear diagnosis of autism and that this medication will not help her. He wanted an autism diagnosis and because it wasn't, this wasn't good enough for him.
I will tell you that I know for a fact my daughter does not have autism. She is highly intelligent, good with her social skills, people, and other children. She just has a hard time sitting still, and following directions. And now with Paul around, a full-blown defiance issue that has just gotten worse with him in her life.
But, even still, I say that I will take her to other drs to get evaluated. I want to prove to him she doesn't have autism. All while this is happening, my daughter Jamie and I no longer feel comfortable in our new home. If she is too loud or even says 'mama' once he yells and tells her to shut the fuck up from the other room. I try to quiet her down and not piss him off. Walking on eggshells whenever my daughter is with me as to not trigger him. I've now decided I don't want my daughter anywhere near him. Week 2 in the house and I am finding ways to try and keep her away from him.
His daughter has come to see us now that he has a permanent residence. Her and Jamie do get along pretty well, they've had a few blips, but nothing off-putting or major. Paul is nicer to Jamie when his daughter is around.
At this point, I don't feel anything towards Paul. He has said the most despicable things about my daughter, all while knowing I'm getting her help, it doesn't matter to him. He says to me this morning, fuck her, and she will not be around the baby in any capacity. I said that you cannot tell me that my daughter can't be around her sibling? And my baby. How dare you?
He said today he's looking at apartments. I was about to leave for work and say goodbye to him and he says that to me. As I am walking out the door he says, "wow, no hug?" And I say, you just told me you're leaving and looking for apartments.
He says, "I just said 'I'm looking', not that I was leaving". I said, "Well, you should get an apartment. Please go. And we can begin custody with the unborn child soon here."
He says, "Well we can't do anything until a DNA test comes back". He has claimed or made jokes the entire pregnancy that he will be getting a DNA test and he doesn't believe the child to be his.
I said, "I know. I wish the test would be wrong so that I didn't have to deal with this shit the rest of my life".
I left for work and he removed me from seeing his location by either undoing it or blocking me.
So I removed mine. I'm hoping when I go home he will not be there. I need advice though, on how to protect myself or what my next steps might be. I am beyond upset and unsure how to remove this person from my life in a safe way.
I can't believe I allowed myself to be tricked and fall victim to this person. I know I am not perfect, but this is more than I can handle. I need to be alone right now. Being pregnant alone scares me, but I am equipped to do it. I'll need a 2nd job but keeping my peace and protecting my daughter have to be 1st priority.
Thanks Reddit. I hope someone has good words of wisdom for me.
Thank you for reading.

Finally after months I was able to have my pip assessment and I felt like there is no chance I'm getting awarded anything.
I have ADHD, endometriosis and nerve damage as a result of surgery. Hoping the nerve damage recovery is soon though!
My assessor was kind and polite, which is great as I've heard horror stories. But I was just asked a lot of odd questions.
"Like, do you do any activities to help with your condition?"
"I'm trying yoga"
"When did you last go?"
"I tried to go yesterday but missed the class"
"Right"
Or there was one about walking distance:
"Can you walk more than 50m"
"Yes not but without pain if it's a bad day"
"Okay we'll can you walk around your home"
"In what context, I live in a flat?"
"Can you walk to your bed to the bathroom"
"Yes because it's two steps"
Are these normal conversations? I'm also worried some of the stuff will be ignored because it doesn't happen always.
Like I occasionally start kitchen fires due to inattentive part of ADHD (only small pan ones) but said I can make meals myself occasionally also.
I was able to list the dosage of meds I took, but was not able to often manage it well and skipped dosages and have overdosed accidently on occasions.
I'm worried that I've made it sound like things I actually struggle on, I'm likely going to get a NOPE not an issue score, but I also didn't want to lie and so no not at all.
I'm not sure if it matters but I scored for full LWCRA due to nerve damage. I could really use the PIP allowance as I'm spending around 300 per month on medical care ATM for the nerve damage.

Every week we are calling our state senators offices and ask to speak with them or their Director of Constituent Services and ask what is being done to address and most importantly RESOLVE this serious situation.

Particularly with phone calls, quantity is critical. Leaders pay attention to an issue when they believe that many people care about that issue.

Here a phone call guide on how to handle this phone call for the first time you call and then below this is an example of a follow up call

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Ask to speak with state senator and if you cannot get them, leave a voicemail with this message below
And then ask to speak with the Director of Constituent Services or ask simply who can you speak with to leave a message with your concerns.
Hello [Senator's Name],
My name is [Your Name], and I am a constituent from [Your City, State]. I am reaching out to you today to discuss an urgent time sensitive matter of dire importance to me and many others in our community and our country.
The DEA's recent and consistent cuts to opiates have had a significant and harmful life altering impact on chronically ill and disabled chronic pain patients like myself. Despite the DEA's claims to prioritize patient safety and access to medications, we are unable to fill our legitimate prescriptions each month and as a result we are now unable to maintain a decent quality of life.
The DEA's focus on reducing access to prescription opioids is misguided, as statistics indicate that legitimate chronic pain patients are not the primary cause of the overdose crisis. Instead, it is the illicit and street drugs that pose the real threat to public health. The DEA claims to protect chronic pain patients, yet the reality is that their actions are exacerbating an already extremely dire situation. The false narrative surrounding the opioid epidemic is causing undue hardship and, in some cases, jeopardizing lives. Compounding this issue, our doctors are struggling to find pharmacies that are able to fill legitimately required and much needed prescriptions. The impact on doctors, nurses, physician assistants, pharmacies and distributors is severe, making it increasingly difficult for patients to obtain essential medications for managing chronic pain.
I kindly request your assistance in reaching out to the DEA and advocating for a more balanced approach that considers the needs of chronic pain patients while addressing the issues related to illicit drugs. It is crucial that we work together to ensure that the DEA's policies do not further harm those who rely on these medications for their well-being.
Thank you for your attention to this matter, and I would greatly appreciate any support or guidance you can provide.
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Here is another example
Introduction: Hello [Senator's Name or their Director of Constituent Services],
I hope you're doing well. My name is [Your Name], and I'm a constituent from [Your City/Town]. I'm reaching out today because I'm facing a critical issue that requires urgent attention.
Explanation of the Issue:
On January 3rd of this year the DEA has implemented even more significant cuts to chronic pain medications, and it's affecting individuals like me who are legitimate patients that require these medications to manage our severe chronic pain. Part of the issue is that pharmacies are struggling to order and stock these essential medications. As a result, my medical care is being greatly impacted and my doctor is finding it challenging to treat my chronic pain adequately.
Request for Assistance:
I and so many other chronically ill and disabled chronic pain citizens are in dire need of your attention to this situation and your help in getting this extremely dire situation resolve by brining it to the federal level to the DEA. So please understand that I am reaching out because I know that with your support we can make a difference in making necessary changes to stop this discrimination against chronically ill and disabled patients that require chronic pain management medication. I kindly ask for your assistance in addressing this matter to ensure that individuals like myself can continue to access the vital medication we need for our health so that we can return to having our quality of life.
Another example phone call dialog guide is below
How to address the Director of Constituent Services
Introduction: Hello [Director of Constituent Services],
My name is [Your Name], a concerned constituent seeking your assistance on a critical matter. As the Director of Constituent Services, I believe your involvement could make a significant difference in addressing an extremely dire situation that is greatly affecting many individuals, including myself.
Explanation of the Issue: I'm reaching out due to the profound challenges faced by legitimate chronic pain patients, like myself, following the recent increased DEA cuts on opioid medications. The impact on pharmacies and distributors is severe, making it increasingly difficult for patients to obtain essential medications for managing chronic pain.
Pharmacy Struggles and DEA Narrative: Compounding this issue, our doctors are struggling to find pharmacies that are able to fill our prescriptions. The DEA claims to protect chronic pain patients, yet the reality is that their actions are exacerbating an already extremely dire situation. The false narrative surrounding the opioid epidemic is causing undue hardship and, in some cases, jeopardizing lives.
Request for Assistance: I am seeking your assistance in facilitating communication with the DEA. It is crucial to convey the struggles patients, doctors, and pharmacies are facing due to these cuts. The DEA's claims of protecting patients seem disconnected from the harsh reality many of us are experiencing.
Closing: I appreciate your time and consideration in addressing this matter. Your advocacy on behalf of legitimate chronic pain patients in navigating these challenges is invaluable. If there are specific avenues or information you require from me to move forward, please let me know.
Thank you for your attention, help and support.

HERE IS AN EXAMPLE WHAT TO SAY ON THE PHONE WHEN YOU CALL AGAIN LATER THIS WEEK OR NEXT WEEK TO FOLLOW UP

SEE BELOW FOR THE GUIDED PHONE CALL SCRIPT

Introduction: Hello [Director's Name],
I hope this message finds you well. Following up on our previous communication, I wanted to check in with you to reiterate the urgency of the matter I discussed regarding the DEA's impact on legitimate chronic pain patients, including myself. Patients are chronically ill and disabled with chronic pain that is unable to be managed. Patients with terminal illness are also suffering needlessly. We are all unable to manage our chronic pain due to being unable to obtain our much needed legitimate prescriptions because pharmacies are struggling to fill even a partial prescription.
Brief Recap: As we discussed earlier, the recent DEA cuts on opioid medications have created significant challenges in accessing essential medications. Doctors are finding it increasingly difficult to locate pharmacies that are able to fill prescriptions, adding to the burdens faced by legitimate chronic pain patients.
Pharmacy Struggles and DEA Narrative: I want to emphasize the difficulties patients and doctors are encountering in finding pharmacies that can fill prescriptions. Despite the DEA's claim to protect chronic pain patients, the current situation reflects a stark contradiction. The false narrative surrounding the opioid epidemic is compounding the challenges we face.
Follow-up Request: I appreciate your understanding of this complex issue and the potential impact your involvement can have. I am hopeful that, with your assistance, we can continue to advocate for a more balanced approach that considers the needs of chronic pain patients so that we no longer are suffering needlessly. This DEA is discriminating against the chronic pain community. We are chronically ill and terminally ill patients with disabilities and chronic pain. I hope that together we can stop the harm that is being done.
Closing: Thank you for your continued attention to this matter. If there are any updates or additional information required from my end, please let me know. Your support in navigating these challenges is crucial, and I'm grateful for your efforts on behalf of chronic pain patients like myself.
Looking forward to your guidance,
[Your Name]
​
So you want to follow up and ask each week the following from them
WHAT has been done since you last reached out (i.e. ask how they have progressed with reaching out to the DEA regarding our inability to procure our medications.)
HOW are they helping their chronically ill and terminally ill and disabled chronic pain patient citizens
WHEN and WHAT exactly are the efforts they have made thus far and are working on
And do they need any other information from you and how are they making efforts to get this matter resolved by the DEA asap
Also ask who else can help us.
Thank you for making this a regular consistent part of your week. We need these calls to be frequent and consistent and in DROVES so that we CANNOT BE IGNORED and we RESOLVE THIS ISSUE ASAP
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CALLS WORK
EMAILS WORK
LETTERS WORK
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so today please call and either follow up on your emails and see what they have been doing to help OR get started and make this the day you start your advocacy to help us all.
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Thanks so much for your help everyone
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Mel and the Mods