Cuttin balls

I’ve built a lot of Boyz from the last Combat patrol and using all of the parts from the Stompa Boyz Battleforce to use all of the Burna and Loota bits, but I don’t know what detachment to even pick. Any ideas? Also would be nice if anyone has any ideas on what I could replace the Stompa with since I don’t want every game to be a Stompa Game.
Additional Info: Deff Dread has been pinned so it can go all melee, or have a Scorcha, and I cut up the Mek Gun to be able to use all the guns without magnets.
 
++ Army Roster (Xenos - Orks) [1,950pts] ++
 
+ Configuration +
 
Battle Size: 2. Strike Force (2000 Point limit)
 
Detachment
 
Show/Hide Options
 
+ Character +
 
Big Mek [80pts]: Drilla, Kustom mega-blasta
 
Warboss in Mega Armour [80pts]: Warlord
 
+ Battleline +
 
Boyz [85pts]
. Boss Nob
. . Power klaw and slugga
. Boy w/ Big shoota and close combat weapon
. 3x Boy w/ Shoota and close combat weapon: 3x Close combat weapon, 3x Shoota
. 5x Boy w/ Slugga and choppa: 5x Choppa, 5x Slugga
 
Boyz [170pts]
. Boss Nob
. . Power klaw and slugga
. Boy w/ Big shoota and close combat weapon
. Boy w/ Rokkit launcha and close combat weapon
. 7x Boy w/ Shoota and close combat weapon: 7x Close combat weapon, 7x Shoota
. Boy w/ Slugga and choppa
 
+ Infantry +
 
Burna Boyz [60pts]
. 1 Spanner and 4 Burna Boyz
. . 4x Burna Boy: 4x Burna, 4x Cuttin’ flames
 
Burna Boyz [60pts]
. 1 Spanner and 4 Burna Boyz
. . 4x Burna Boy: 4x Burna, 4x Cuttin’ flames
 
Gretchin [40pts]
. 1 Runtherd and 10 Gretchin
. . 10x Gretchin: 10x Close combat weapon, 10x Grot blasta
 
Lootas [50pts]
. 1 Spanner and 4 Lootas
. . 4x Loota: 4x Close combat weapon, 4x Deffgun
 
Lootas [50pts]
. 1 Spanner and 4 Lootas
. . 4x Loota: 4x Close combat weapon, 4x Deffgun
 
+ Vehicle +
 
Deff Dread [130pts]: 2x Big shoota, 2x Dread klaw
 
Deffkoptas [100pts]
. 3x Deffkopta: 3x Kopta rokkits, 3x Slugga, 3x Spinnin’ blades
 
Mek Gunz [50pts]
. Mek Gun w/ Smasha gun
 
Stompa [800pts]
 
+ Dedicated Transport +
 
Trukk [65pts]: Wreckin' ball
 
Trukk [65pts]: Wreckin' ball
 
Trukk [65pts]
 
++ Total: [1,950pts] ++
 
Created with BattleScribe

“Well, Sir, it wuz, ohhhhhhh ... bout 1985, I reckon it were. I wuz jest gettin back to the house after a long night of runnin shine at the old still site. A bunch of weird shit went on that night. It wuz like I kept a’hearin voices in the woods. Now, I ain’t speaking bout no human voices. Nor am I speaking Sasquatch voices. They wuz high squeaky voices, and creepy and sech. I got the impression they wuz tryin to call me off into the woods. Of course, I had a haid full of acid during my shine run, so I didn’t really pay the voices no mind. But still, there wuz sumthang bout these here voices. They twernt the usual voices I wuld hear.”
“So, I git back to the house. I decided to relax a bit before bed. I warmed me up a leftover Sasquatch burger to eat. Then I kicked back in my Lazy-Boy that I stole, and scorched a fat doob while I watched “Anal Intruder 14” (My favorite of the series) on VHS. Then there wuz a knock at my door. ‘Goddamn it!!’, I thought, ‘Who’s knocking on my door at 7am in the morn?!?’”
“When I opened the damn door I found old Sheriff standing thar. I sed ‘Goddamn it, you fat sumbitch! What the fuck are you doing bothering me this early in the morning?!?’ Sheriff sed ‘Look, Roy, I know it’s early, but I am here on official business. Old Mrs. Miller called. Her old man, old “Big Cock from Talking Rock” didn’t come home last night. He went out coon hunting near here but didn’t show up for breakfast. Have you seen him?’ I told Sheriff I ain’t seen shit, then shut the door. But old Sheriff stuck his foot inside the door jam to keep me from closing my door.”
“I gave old Sheriff a look like I wuz pissed, and I wuz. Then he put up his hand and sed ‘Roy, please?’ I could see that the sumbitch wuz troubled, so I sed ‘Well shit, you may as well come on inside and tell me about it.’ “
“Sheriff sat down on the couch while I sat back down in my Lazy-Boy. Sheriff asked ‘Is that one of them Lazy-Boy recliners? Man, they sure is comfortable. I used to have one, but some sumbitch broke into my house recently and stole mine. I sure would like to catch that miscreant!’ I looked at Sheriff and sed ‘Prolly darkies. They will steal everything not nailed down.’ ‘Yep’, agreed Sheriff.”
“I asked ‘What’s troubling ya, Sheriff?’ Sheriff sighed, then started in. ‘Well, Roy, Mrs. Miller told me some troubling things, and ... uh, Roy, could you put your dick away while we talk?’ I asked Sheriff if he wanted me to turn off “Anal Intruder 14” too, and he said he did. So I shut off my Zenith and put my thumpin stick away.
“Sheriff continued, ‘Mrs. Miller claims old Big Cock has been talking all crazy, about hearing malevolent voices in the woods at night. He even said he saw some little green men and that they were the source of the voices. Roy, I don’t want to tell you this, but old Big Cock thought these little green fellas meant to kill him.’
“Then Sheriff sed ‘Roy? ROY!!!’ I had nodded off, so I made Sheriff repeat hisself. When he finished he asked, ‘Well, what do ya think, Roy?’ I held up two fangers and sed ‘Two thangs, Sheriff. First, you need to stop assuming that I give a fuck about your shit. You need to pull up yer big girl panties and do yer goddamn job. I ain’t yer fucking daddy. Two, I like old Big Cock, so instead of giving you the ass whuppin you deserve, I is gonna hep ya.’”
“Then I asked, ‘Sheriff, you ever heard talk of the Pukwudgie?’ Sheriff thought fer a moment, rubbing his chin and narrowing his eyes. I then sed to Sheriff ‘You don’t know what the fuck a Pukwudgie is, dumbass. Quit acting like you is trying to think.’ ‘Sorry Roy’, sed the Sheriff. I retorted, ‘Yep, you IS a sorry sumbitch.’”
“By this point I’d had enough of this shit-head, so I pulled out my lil old Sig P226 outa my conceal holster I have sewn into my taint and pointed it right at Sheriff’s head. Sheriff’s eyes grew bigger than 2 dinner plates. He starts crying out ‘ROY? NOOOOOOO!!!!!! BIG COCK!!!!!! REMEMBER???? BIG COCK!!!!!!’ Then I thought about “Old Big Cock From Talking Rock”. I lowered my pistol.”
“Old Big Cock and I met in Vietnam, during the war. I wuz at this here whore house called “The Slanted Crack”, jest a bangin away on sum sweet, young thang when I heard a voice from behind me say ‘She’s dead’. I thought ‘What the fuck?’, but kept on pounding that gook. Then the voice sed ‘Dude, I told you, that chick is dead.’ I turned around and thar stood Old Big Cock From Table Rock.”
“I sed ‘What the fuck is you talking about, GI?’ That’s when BC walked up and sed ‘Yeah, dude, I fucked that bitch. Then I shot her in the top of her head.’ I looked down at the bitch. I guessed it made sense because she was not really participating. I looked back up at BC and asked him why he shot the bitch. BC sed, ‘Well, I figured that she just fucked me, so I owed her a fucking, so BOOM!! Yer fucked! Heh heh heh!!!’ After that, BC and I hung tight.”
“Eventually we got separated, as I got assigned to a unit sent into Cambodia to do sum nasty business. BC and I lost touch. Then, low and behold, I ran into him after the war at the feed store whar I wuz buyin sum corn fer a batch of shine. He jest happened to move into town fer sum white-bread job. By then he already got him a wife and family and turned to God.”
“Of course, old BC could not reconcile his newfound belief structure with my Satanic worship, shine runnin, whorin, and racist-terrorism lifestyle, so we did not really hang anymore. Of course, it wuz that old whore he married that got him on the straight and narrow. The old BC I remember from Nam wuz all about banging slanty eyes, knifing Cong, and blowing up children’s hospitals. He shore had changed.”
“But I do not begrudge BC a good family life. It ain’t fer ME, mind ya. But that damn war changed a lot of folks. If’n family is what BC needed, then so be it. I would still run into old BC in town from time to time. We wuz both friendly, and genuinely glad to see one another. But ever time I brung up the war he just got quiet and sed he didn’t want to talk about it.”
“Now, sir, I reckon most folks who wuz in Nam try to ferget. I cannot blame ‘em. It ‘twas pure hell. But yer old Roy has sum pretty good coping mechanisms, so it did not get on top of me like it did sum fellers. Fact is, and I am not ashamed to admit it, I had me a fucking blast in Nam! I got to hang out of choppers, firing machine guns at those little fuckers on the ground. There wuz non-stop whoring and fighting. Fer a poor old southern country boy from the hills, it was goddamn exciting!!”
“But I still got a soft spot fer old BC. We had us sum good times together, we did. There wuz this one time we stopped a caravan of trucks on this little mule path of a road in the jungle. We figured they may be moving soldiers and weapons to the enemy, so we stopped it. BC went to check on the cargo in the first truck. He radioed to us and sed ‘Well, they ain’t exactly Cong’. But due to the shitty radio BC wuz a’carryin, we only heard ‘EXACTLY ... CONG’. So we stormed the caravan and shot ever living thang in them trucks. We lit ‘em up!!”
“Turned out it wuz a caravan of local kids being bussed to a school. Whoops!! The CO blamed BC, who blamed his radio. 33 Vietnamese kids snuffed, and all because of a misunderstanding. Ha ha ha ha!!! The CO let BC off the hook. He was happy that these little fuckers now would not have a chance to grow up and shoot back at us. Shit like this kind of gave Old Big Cock a conscience, I thinks.”
“There wuz this other time in Nam when sum us guys got sent to a native hospital to vaccinate sum thar little kids. Old BC and I decided to have us sum fun. Whilst all them lil gooks wuz in the tent getting thar shots, we lit up sum firecrackers and tossed them in the tent. Well, Sir, one them grown-up gooks had a gun. He apparently mistook the firecrackers fer gunshots, so he showed his jammy.”
“That did not go over well with our GIs in the tent. The boys standing guard opened fire on the grown-up gook with their M-16s, taking out 5-6 kids in addition to their intended target. We all know them thar little gooks are sumtimes booby trapped with explosives. Not wanting to take any chances, I grabbed my M-16, stepped into the tent, and yelled ‘BOMB!!’ At that point, everyone opened fire!!”
“Well, once we got dun stacking up all the dead gook kids, we realized there wuz no bomb. The CO called me over and demanded to know why I screamed ‘bomb’. He screamed at me, ‘YOU COCKSUCKING HILLBILLY F#GGOT SON OF A BITCH!! DID YOU EVEN SEE A BOMB?’ I sed ‘No Sir!’. He continued, ‘THEN WHY IN THE HELL DID YOU YELL “BOMB” AND GET ALL THESE CHILDREN KILLED?’ I replied, ‘Sir, them lil swarthy gooks are always booby trapping thar kids. I figured it would save the lives of our good old American boys if’n we jest cut to the chase and eliminate the threat altogether, Sir.’”
“The CO thought a moment, the sed ‘GOOD THINKING, SOLDIER! GOOD THINKING!!! KEEP IT UP!’, then he patted me on the shoulder and that wuz the last I heard of it. I found old BC sitting on the ground holding one them dead gooks. He had tears streaming down his face.”
“I sed, ‘Goddamn, BC, you look like you is due fer the Thorazine Tent. The fuck is wrong with you?’ Old BC picked up a little severed leg and a little severed arm that apparently belonged to the mini gook he wuz a’holdin. With tears coming out of his eyes, Old Big Cock whimpered ‘I can’t put him back together. I can’t put him back together. I can’t put him back together. I CAN’T PUT HIM BACK TOGETHER!!! I CAN’T PUT HIM BACK TOGETHER!!!!!!’ “
“I sed to myself ‘Yikes! This sumbitch has snapped!’ I took old BC’s guns, then had a word with the CO about Big Cock’s condition. The CO told me ‘BASH THAT SICK FUCKER OVER THE HEAD, TIE HIM UP, AND THROW HIM IN THE BACK OF THE TRUCK. WE’LL SHIP HIM OFF FOR EVALUATION LATER. NOW, LET’S GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE. MOVE! MOVE!! MOVE!! MOVE!! MOVE!! MOVE!!”
“That wuz the last I saw of BC until he showed up here in town. He got shipped off to the funny farm hospital. But they wouldn’t send him home. They had him pushing a broom and cuttin taters and sech, just no combat and no guns.”
“After reminiscing, I looked at old Sheriff and sed, ‘I reckon I need to see what I can do fer old Big Cock. Whar the fuck his old lady at? I need to talk to her. Sheriff asked ‘Do ya think that’s a good idea, Roy? She’s real tore up.’ I picked up the carved stone ash tray on the table next to my chair and slung it hard at Sheriff’s head. THUMP!!!! It gave him a nice, bloody gash in his forehead. Sheriff let out a howl, ‘OHHHHHHHHH!!! Goddamn, Roy! That hurts! Why did you do that?’ I sed ‘Don’t ever question me, snot-head. Now shut the fuck up and let’s go see BC’s bitch.’”
“It took us about an hour to get to BC’s house. It twere jest an average looking, white bread house. The lawn was manicured, there were a white picket fence, and 2 little statues of a couple nicely dressed negro fellers in the front yard. As Sheriff knocked on the front door, I whipped out my cock to take a piss off the porch. Sheriff musta heard the tinkling sound cuz he turned and sed ‘Roy!! What are you doing?!? STOP THAT!’ With my right hand, I gave him a stern back-handed bitch slap across his fat face. WHAPPP!!!! Then I sed ‘Shut up.’ About that time the door opened.”
“Old Mrs. Miller opened the door just as I wuz putting my cock back in my pants. Sheriff sed ‘Hello Mrs. Miller. I brought along an old friend of your husband, Roy. He lives back up in Sasquatch Hollar, near where John had been coon hunting.” Mrs. Miller sed ‘Yes, I know Roy. He was in the service with my John, in Vietnam.’ The little woman wuz not too fond of me cuz soon after they moved to town I picked up BC one afternoon, got him all coked up and ended up crashing his BMW into Bigfoot River with a dead stripper in the trunk.”
“I sed ‘Why hello there, Mrs. Miller. Sheriff here has been telling me about your husband and his problems. I came to see if’n I can help.’ Despite her feelings about me, she seemed genuinely glad I wuz here. We went inside the house and sat down. Mrs. Miller served us coffee, then we started talking.”
“Just like Sheriff has told me, old Big Cock had been acting funny lately. He started acting paranoid and talking about little green men in the woods. They wuz whispering to him in the dark woods and beckoning him to follow, though he never did. His wife sed she tried to keep him at home, but that BC sed they were calling him and he had to go; he had to find out what they wanted. He had to follow them. Clearly his wife was really concerned, but it sounds like there wuz nothing she could do to stop him from returning to those dark woods to try and break the spell they had on him.”
“Sheriff then told Mrs. Miller that I wuz an ex-commando and that I specialized in paranormal occurrences and investigations. The poor, desperate old lady looked to me with big, doe eyes hoping that I had something to say that would ease her mind, and maybe help find her beloved man. Mrs. Miller gently asked me, ‘Roy, do you think John is still ... alive?’”
“I replied, ‘Fuck no. That sumbitch is dead as hell.’ Poor Mrs. Miller went to crying hysterically. Sheriff scolded me fer being blunt with the woman. When he got her settled down she asked me what I knew of what happened. I guess I owed the old woman an explanation.”
“So I sed, ‘Look, I don’t know fer sure if old Big Cock is still alive or not ...’ Then Mrs. Miller interrupted me, saying ‘...John. Please call him John.’ I said ok. Then I continued, ‘The thang is that from everthang you and Sheriff been telling me, this is a case of the Pukwudgie.’”
“Mrs. Miller did not understand. So I explained to her that the Pukwudgie, or the little people, are small, green demonic people that live in the woods. They hate humans, and try to lure them to their deaths. Mrs. Miller looked terribly shocked. She asked ‘Are these things... these Pukwudgie, are they ... REAL?’ I sed ‘Shit yeah, they is real, woman. I seen ‘em. Best thang to do is to ignore ‘em. Well, that, and shoot the little bastards.’”
“I continued, ‘Yessir, I have seen those little peckers. You will be out thar in the deep, dark woods, runnin shine, or huntin, er fishin, or performing some Satanic magic, then you start hearing talking. It starts out real low. It sounds like a conversation between 2 or more of them, but you cannot understand them because they is speaking so fast.’”
“I went on, ‘Then, all a sudden, they call out yer name. That’s when shit starts gettin REALLY creepy. They get yer attention and then they call you to them. They will show themselves to ya if you follow their call. They is sum ugly motherfuckers too. They stand about 3 feet tall and look like little green trolls. Then, once you have contact with them, they try to lead you off into the woods. Some say that they want to lead you off so they can kill ya. I guess they ambush ya er sumthang. When I see one I usually pull my pistol and blow their heads to bits. It explodes like a cantaloupe, but it splatters this green goo.’”
“Mrs. Miller asked, ‘So, you have never followed on of these ...Pukwudgie... off into the woods?’ I sed ‘Hell no. I kill the little fuckers. BUT, they been known to get inside yer head and put a spell on you to whar ya can’t resist thar call. In that case, they lead ya off into the woods and you are never seen er heard from again ... ever.’”
“I know this wuz troubling news for Mrs. Miller, but she needed to hear the truth. After a few moments of silence, Mrs Miller asked if I would go to the woods where Big Cock went coon hunting and see if I could either find him or find his body and return it to her fer a proper Christian burial.”
“I sed ‘Look, I like Old Big Cock....uh, I mean, John. But if the Pukwudgie got him, then there prolly won’t be no sign left. They would drag him off into some underground lair.’ Then Mrs. Miller pleaded with me. She sed ‘Look, we don’t have a lot of money, but I could pay you. How about ... $5,000.00? I just got to know.’ I still wuz not eager to go about fucking with them thar sneaky little critters. But Mrs. Miller wuz getting real desperate. I wuz feeling sorta sorry fer her. I also felt some sense of duty to Big Cock, a fellow soldier.”
“I came to a conclusion. I sed ‘Ok, Mrs Miller, I will do it. I will try to find yer husband, or at least what happened to him out thar, but on 2 conditions.’ Mrs. Miller eagerly nodded. I continued, ‘First, you pays me my $5k up front, as in now.’ She sed ‘Done. I have the cash upstairs. What is the second condition?’”
“I sed ‘The second condition is that you go into that kitchen over thar, drop your drawers and bend over the table so I can fuck ya.’ Mrs. Miller’s face sank, and tears started rolling down her face. Softly she spoke, ‘John always said you are an evil man, Roy. He said you do not know the Lord. He said you did horrible things in Vietnam. Now I believe him.”
“As Mrs. Miller is talking I glance at my watch. Goddamn, it wuz noon already and I still ain’t got no sleep after last night’s shine run. Then I remembered the voices. I heard them motherfuckers last night at the Still site!”
“I butted Into Mrs. Miller’s evangelical bullshit and sed ‘I know whar they is! Those Pukwudgie were calling me last night at my Still site, which was when Old Big Cock went missing in the same general area. I thought I wuz jest high - and I wuz - but those were the weird, outa the ordinary voices I heard.’ Now I had Mrs. Miller’s attention. Even old Sheriff wuz on the edge of his seat.”
“Mrs Miller excitedly asked me would I go get her husband. She sed ‘Oh, sweet Jesus, Roy, you KNOW where he is. Will you go? Will you please go?’ I sed ‘Yep, I’ll go, and I will kill ever last one of then Pukwudgie critters. If John is thar, I will git him.’”
“Then I sed, ‘Mrs. Miller, ya’ll don’t got to pay me none. Old Big Cock is my friend. So you can keep yer money.’ She nodded, with hope in her eyes. Then I sed ‘Now git yer ass in the kitchen.’ She looked stunned. I sed, ‘Bitch, I may be not gonna charge ya, but I is still gonna fuck ya. So git in that thar kitchen and git yer britches off! The longer you take, the longer it will take me to find Old Big Cock!!’ She sheepishly did as she was told.”
“After I nutted in Mrs. Miller’s cooter, I told Sheriff to give me the keys to his police cruiser. He sed ‘Roy, you know I can’t do that.’ Then BAMMM!!!! I punched that prick right in the throat. He went down like a sack of taters. As he was lying there, desperately gasping fer breath, I fished his car keys out of his pocket and took his pistol. Then I walked out the door, leaving Sheriff writhing on the floor, and Mrs. Miller lying in fetal position and sobbing on the kitchen floor. I checked Sheriff’s pistol. It was a .380. I stopped in my tracks and sed ‘This is f#ggot shit!!’, then tossed the cheap, pussy gun on Mrs. Miller’s front lawn. I got into Sheriff’s car and then headed back to Sasquatch Hollar. I figured I would get me sum real firepower and then go kill sum Pukwudgie. On the drive I wondered how those little critters would taste grilled.”
“So I got back home and prepared to do my loadout. Fer you f#ggot-homosexuals out thar, that means getting reddy fer battle. I went into the house and the first thang I did wuz put on some fightin’ music on my music player. I chose some Dying Fetus, which be sum extreme deth metal. I stuck the CD in the player then cranked that sumbitch loud enuff old Satan hisself had to cover his ears. I wanted to get inta the mood, if’n ya knows what I mean. Next wuz my vest. It is a Russian tactical belt/vest I pulled off a dead commie bastard. I fucking hate commies! Then come the blades: 2 ProTech Godfather switchum blades and a big old Kabar. Finally, it wuz time fer the guns.”
“But before I could do my gun load-out, I had to change CDs to enhance my mood. I took out the Dying Fetus and replaced it with Goatwhore, cranked so fucking loud that even the angels above will have debilitating tinnitus. Then came the guns.”
“Them Pukwudgies are little and sneaky. I am gonna need a shotgun fer this hunt. But I also want shell capacity. So I went to my safe and pulled out my Saiga 12. I loaded some drums with 3” magnums in double-ought buckshot. This setup will literally shred them little munchkins to pieces.”
“Next came my backup weapon. Since we weren’t talking bout anything big, I pulled out my Sig M400 AR-15. It wuz already loaded wit a 60 round mag. I grabbed me 5 more loaded 60s, all green tips. Next wuz my sidearm. Again, small pussy targets. I had the PERFECT choice: My FN Five-seveN! I put that sumbitch in a holster and on my gun belt, with 2 extra 20 round mags. Those 5.7s will gut the little monsters.”
“Now fer my backup handgun. I chose my CZ75 SP-01. My particular one had 18+1 capacity. I just stuck this fucker and 2 extra mags in my belt, privateer style! Finally, jest fer Insurance, I got out my Kimber micro-9s. These are basically pocket guns of last resort. I sticks em in my overalls’ front pockets.”
“Then came the piece-de-la-resistance: My Ruger Super Redhawk revolver chambered fer .480 cartridges and with an 8 inch barrel. This wuz my true LAST RESORT CCW piece. I pulled down my drawers and inserted this big beautiful bastard right up my ass, barrel first, fer Deep Concealed Carry. I let the handle stay on the outside and fit it snug up into my taint. Then I put my draws back on and suited up.”
“I headed straight fer my still site. By now it wuz 3 pm. Them lil fuck-faces won’t come out until after dark. Like I dun sed, I ain’t been to sleep. So I thought, fuck it, I’ll lean up agin one these old hardwood trees and gits me sum shut eye while waitin fer dark.”
“I woke up just as the sun wuz settin, feeling this sharp pain in my nethers. I looked down and found a squirrel chewing on my nuts! I snatched that motherfucker up by its neck and sed ‘You mangy sumbitch!’, then SNAP!!!! I broke its neck. I then built myself a fire and skinned and gutted the critter. He wuz gonna be my dinner!”
“As I went about my business I wondered how my balls had flopped outa my overalls. I knew Pukwudgie were in the area. I also knew something else bout these buggers....something I didn’t tell Mrs. Miller. These Pukwudgie are sexual deviants who will molest ya. Ya see, I thought I wuz safe till dark. But I wuz wrong. Those fuckers were already out and about. Most likely I had one or more watching me this very moment!”
“Well, I roasted the squirrel then ate it, washing it down with shine from my tactical flask that says “BIGFOOT SLAYER!” on it. I stayed real still and as motionless as possible while I ate, like I had no idea I wuz being watched. I could hear that little bastard tip-toeing around me in the woods. That ball-fondling dwarf Pukwudgie f#ggot!”
“What struck me as odd is why these little motherfuckers chose jest now to show up here. I’m out in these here wood all the time, but have not seen ‘em in a long time. Hmmmmm ...”
“Then came the speaking, the odd, indecipherable language. I laid back agin a tree and closed my eyes. Eventually the midget-speak wore down. Then it got quiet. It wuz too quiet, in fact. Then, as if someone was right up at my ear whispering forcefully, I heard ‘ROY!!’ I sprang to attention, scairt shitless. Even though I wuz expecting it, it wuz still a fucking shock.”
“I started creeping around, outside of the light of the fire. It wuz blacker than a nigg*r out in these here woods. By now it was a quarter to 8. Then I heard the voice again. It sed ‘ROY!’ It was clearly from one of them Pukwudgies. You can always tell them, as they sound like Muppets on acid. I moved toward the direction of the voice.”
“I pushed through sum heavy brush and briars, then came out into a little opening. Thar it wuz. Right in front of me wuz one of these little leprechaun motherfuckers. It wuz green and seemed to glow slightly. It wuz sneering at me, then sed ‘Come, this way, Roy’, as it motioned me toward a path into the dark woods. I figured I ought not kill it cuz I need info on Old Big Cock. Of course, that did not mean I could not cripple it.”
“I snapped up my scatter gun and fired ...BOOM!! I shot the lil puppet monster below it’s waste, completely shredding its little legs with the buck shot. I walked over and stood over it as it wuz writhing in pain. Then the craziest dang thang happened: it opened its eyes, looked up at me and started talking. Now, one may think these Pukwudgie would start casting evil spells and shit when cornered. But this one wuz different.”
“The Pukwudgie looked up at me and sed ‘Why did you blow off my legs, you sick motherfucker?’ I told the critter to watch its mouth or I would blow that off too. But the wounded Pukwudgie kept on, saying ‘I can’t even walk now, you stupid fucking hick! Couldn’t you have found a goat to fuck tonight so you would not have to be out here turning my legs into shredded wheat, you ass-eating cock-sucker?’ I wuz a little taken back by its language.”
“I then stepped on the little prick’s lame legs and put all my force on them. The Pukwudgie let out a powerful scream of pain. Then I asked it about Old Big Cock. We went round and round, with the munchkin not giving up any intel. So I settled on a course of action. BLAMMMM!!! Another blast from my scattergun and this little twat no longer had a head.”
“I looked around what wuz left of it. He had sum funny looking leprechaun clothing on. Honestly, it wuz dressed like one of them thar Canadian figure skater homos. I searched the pockets and pulled out a wad of paper. It be nuthin but trash it had picked up and stuffed into its pockets. What an asshole.”
“So thar I wuz, in the middle of the dark woods with a dismembered Pukwudgie. My only lead is dead. But afore I tossed all that wadded up paper from the critter’s pocket, sumthang caught my eye. It wuz sumthang hard and metallic. I cut my sure-fire flashlighter on. It wuz sum motherfucking dog tags, like what ever soldier is issued. I looked closely. What I dun read from those tags almost made me shit a brick. The name on the tag was ‘John Miller’. SHIT!!! These are Old Big Cock’s dog tags! That creepy little varmint jacked these dog tags from BC!!”
“Then all hell broke loose. There came a huge commotion from all around me. Several of those little Pygmy voices were chanting ‘Roy, Roy, Roy, Roy...’ I had a bad feeling about this. Then, all at once, they charged me, from all sides. Turned out thar were five of them Pukwudgies, and they were coming at me and carrying little weapons.”
“I just tore into sum hysterical laughing at the sight. They wuz just cuter than fuck!! They wuz like puppets carrying toy swords, and sticks and sech. It wuz hilarious! All five of em stopped within a couple feet of me, perplexed by my uncontrollable laughing. They jest stood around me and looking at each other. Apparently they had never seen sech a sight. Most of thar victims turn and high-tail it in terror. But I didn’t. Finally, one of the Pukwudgies spoke.”
“This real little one looked like he wuz dressed up to be a riverboat card dealer and he carried a sharpened stick. Speaking to me in a voice that sounded like Grover from Sesame Street, it sed ‘Roy, you do not run. Are you not fearful that your life may be lost?’ That just caused me to laugh ten times harder. Again, they started looking at each other. Then the one behind me and carrying a tiny pitch fork came up and jabbed me in the ass with it. Then it demanded to know why I wuz laughing.”
“I finally got my laughing under control and got quiet and caught my breath. I then turned around to look at the little pecker that just stabbed me in my ass. It wuz dressed up like a little wizard, with sequins and a purple robe, like it had jest escaped from a gay pride parade. I lost it, and started laughing uncontrollably again. They wuz all dressed up like they were going to a gay disco on Halloween night.”
“They managed to get my long guns as I wuz writhing in laughter. Then they told me to get to my feet cuz they wuz taking me back to thar lair as their prisoner. As they marched me toward their lair I wuz still cackling up a storm. This wuz the funniest situation that I been in since I accidentally blew up the Vietnam Special Olympics thinking it wuz sum kind of weird military exercise.
“The Pukwudgie lair was underground. I had to get on my belly and crawl into a cave. Then I had to stay on my belly and crawl downward a bit. We came to an oppening with a fire burning on the floor. At least in this larger chamber I could stand up, even though I had to stay bent over.”
“Of course, I could have gotten free and slaughtered those little pricks at any time. But my task wuz to find old Big Cock. So I let them take me prisoner. It wuz pretty easy to, cuz I plum went into hysterics when I got a look at these little dwarf things and their very gay clothes and heard their cartoony sounding voices.”
“Then I spied a big pot hanging over the fire. They wuz cooking a stew of some sort, and it smelled all gamey and gross. I took their spoon and started stirring it, which really pissed off the critters. This one started kicking my ankle with the pointing-end of his costume looking shoe. I kicked that sumbitch and it landed against the wall. That got them rip-roaring mad. Jest then I got the fright of my life. As I stirred the gross looking stew, a human head floated up in the pot. IT WUZ BIG COCK’s HEADS!! Then I noticed Big Cock’s large wang floating in the pot.”
“Poor old Big Cock! He did not deserve to die like this... Murdered and eaten by maniacal muppets. The critters surrounded me and told me to get away from the cooking pot. I sed ‘You little fuck-tards kilt my friend. Now you is gonna have to pay. So I reached into my ass and pulled out my .480 revolver. The Pukwudgies stepped back at the sight of my large weapon. Then all hell broke loose. ‘BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM!!!!!’ I dropped all 5 of those motherfuckers, right thar in the lair. These little twats have been known to work sum black magic fuckery, so I took my Ka-Bar and cut the heads off all five of them.”
“I found me an old burlap bag then fished Big Cock’s remains out of the stew and put ‘em in the bag. There wuz the head, both hands, and his hawg. I tied up the bag. Right before I left I thought ‘what the fuck?’, and spooned out sum of that stew and tasted it. Surprisingly, it weren’t bad. I found me an old styrofoam container one of these lil rascals must have found and brought home. I used it to hold some that stew I thought I would bring home fer dinner. So with the bag carrying Big Cock’s remains, and my take-out stew, I crawled outa thar.”
“I went back to my cabin first so I could put my stew on ice fer later. Then I departed. I had to be the bearer of bad news to Mrs. Miller. It wuz about 1:30 am, I reckon, when I knocked on her door. Mrs Miller opened the door in her night robe. Brutha, the front of that robe showed off them titties right fine! I could even make out the nipples through the fabric. I sed, ‘Honey, I dun found yer man. Then I set that burlap bag on her floor. I handed her BC’s dog tags. Then I pointed to the bag of body parts and sed ‘What’s left of him is in here. You want to take a look, or you wanna jest save it fer a proper funeral?’
“At this here point, Mrs. Miller broke down cryin. About that time I heard old Sheriff call out ‘Honey? You coming back to bed?’ Then that fat, sloppy sumbitch came walking down the stairs wearing nothing but his drawers and patrol hat. He saw me and sed ‘Oh, hi, Roy.’”
“I wuz speechless. I sed, ‘What the fuck is you doing? You fucking BC’s bitch?’ He stammered about and sed ‘Well, Roy, she is hurtin and I jest tried to comfort her, then one thang led to another.’ “
“Mrs. Miller had then composed herself and walked over. She apologized for falling apart like that. The she hugged me, saying thank you for finding out what happened to John and for bringing his remains home so she can have a service and grieve properly. I told her I wuz sorry fer her loss.”
“Then I sed, ‘You know what you need, Mrs. Miller?’ She looked puzzled. I sed ‘You need a good fucking slapped on yer ass. That fat-fuck Sheriff couldn’t make a dog come to dinner. Why don’t ya let old Roy, The “Pope of Joy”, take you upstairs and DESTROY your pussy? We’ll make Sheriff just sit there and watch, like in a cuck video.”
“So the three of us went upstairs. I tied up Sheriff to a chair and he had to sit there and watch me bang his new girlfriend the rest of the night! He even cried a little. Ha ha ha ha!!!!”
“The next morning I woke up lying next to Old Mrs. Miller. Sheriff wuz still tied up at bedside, but he wuz sleeping. His head wuz down and he wuz snoring. I wuz still a bit shook up by Big Cock’s death. Mrs. Miller wuz sleeping soundly, which wuz to be expected after I put a pounding on that pussy.”
“I sed out loud, ‘Old Big Cock, wharever you is right now, I hope ya know I is sorry fer how this turned out, buddy. But, as tribute to you and all the fun we used to have back in Nam, please accept this gesture as a token of our friendship.’ Then I reached fer my Ruger .480.”
“At the sound of the report from the pistol, Old Sheriff, still tied up, fell over in the chair, landing hard on the floor with a THUD. I then sed ‘Well, Mrs. Miller, you fucked me good. So now I returned the favor. You are FUCKED!’ Indeed, her brains were splattered all over the wall.”
“I untied old Sheriff and told him that he wuz going to have the distinct pleasure and privilege of buying me breakfast at the Waffle House this morning. He asked why I executed Mrs. Miller. I sed I wuz jest settin Big Cock free.”

“Well, sir, my recovery was long and painful. I could not shit right fer weeks. Ever time I had to move my bowels I wuz struck by an extreme bout with pain and sufferin. It wuz a’like I wuz being savaged all over agin. I knew I could never forgive that beast!”
“As soon as I could git around agin I decided to implement Plan A. I jest happent to have me sum land mines that I smuggled home after Nam. What I dun did was set me up some obstructions around the old homestead in order to funnel that critter down certain paths if it approached my cabin. Then I set out my land mines along sed paths. That-a-way when that critter came fer me agin it would git it’s balls blown off and then I would jump it and take him out!”
“Once I set up the explosives I waited fer nite to fell. Then I went to my old wood pile, pulled off my trousers, and bent over the woodpile like I wuz lookin to be banged up the old wazoo. Then I called out, ‘Here I is!! Cum gets me, you old Bigfoot!’ Of course, I wuz armed to the teeth, including my trusty old Barrett .50 BMG shootin iron.”
“Hours wint by, they did. I reckon it wuz about midnight when I first became burdened with doubt concerning my tactic. Suddenly, I heard a rustlin coming up my way, from up the trail! I thought, ‘Oh shit! Here he comes!’ Then I started saying real loud like, ‘Here I is, Mr. Bigfoot. Come git you sum of this here man-pussy!’ The noise continued. It wuz definitely a bipedal creature and it wuz a’ comin’ this here a’ way!”
“Then a human voice called out. ‘ROY!! ROY!! Don’t shoot, it’s me, Drew!!’ I thought to myself, ‘Drew?!? Oh Shit! That’s old Wild Drew from Appaloo!!’ He wuz a shine buyer! I yelled out ‘DREW!! KEEP YER ASS STILL!!! THE TRAIL IS ...’ ...... KA-BOOM!!!!! The sumbitch went and stepped on a land mine!”
“So I ran down the trail a bit with my old lantern to find Old Drew blown to pieces. His legs were dun blown clean off! His bloody torso wuz a’layin on its back. Drew wuz barely conscious and had blood comin outa his mouth.”
“I looked down at what wuz left of Old Drew and sed ‘You stupid motherfucker! You fucked upon my booby trap!! What the hell is you doin up here this time of nite?!?’ He sed ‘Buying shine. You told me to be here at midnight for a buy.’ I thought to myself, ‘Oh shit. I fergot about that!’ Then I sed, ‘You still went and fucked up my booby trap, asshole!’”
“I then unholstered my Smith .460 revolver, looked down at Old Drew, and sed ‘Well, boy, I guess I is gonna have to put ya outa yer misery.’ Drew protested, saying he jest needed sum medical attention and he would survive. But I knew better. There wuz no way this sumbitch wuz gonna survive tonight. BLAM!!! That old slug from that powerful .460 exploded Old Drew’s head like a water balloon!”
“I had to spend the rest of the night cleaning up this mess and gettin rid of the forensics and sech. That dumbass Drew fucked up my hunt and I got more and more pissed and I cleaned up his shit. But I finally got it done a little a’fer sunrise. So I decided to call it a night and hit the hay.”
“After the utter fiasco of Plan A, I decided to activate Plan B. I rigged me up a gun turret on the roof of my cabin that would swivel 360 degrees. I had me an old .50 cal machine gun in my shed that I traded sum meth fer. That is a heavy motherfucker too! I had to wrestle that bitch up the ladder and onto the roof by myself. I bolted it down and decided to try her out. Fortunately, I had me a stockpile of ammo fer this here hawg leg.”
“I cut loose with a volley of machine gun fire. TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT!!!! The sound wuz music to my old ears! It wuz literally cuttin’ the tops outa trees. Beautiful!! With the gun ready I climbed down from the roof and set up the bait.”
“Earlier in the day I went off into town to round up a couple homosexuals. I went down to our local queer bar, ‘The Fudge Tunnel’, and set a trap. Basically I jest stuck my head into the door and yelled ‘free blowjobs in the back of my truck!’ Those fags, they came a’runnin. The first one came out the door, and ‘BAM!’, I whacked that feller in the head with an axe handle. Then ‘WHAM!!’, I hit another! Then ‘WHUP!!’, and another one was down, then another, and another.”
“I only needed a couple of them thar queer-o-fagulas, so I Left all but 2 a’lyin’ thar on the ground. I jest picked out two of the ones that still appeared to be alive, then hauled them to my truck and throwed ‘em Into the back. Then off I went, headed back up to Sasquatch Hollar.”
“I had them thar 2 queers tied up in the back of my truck with their mouths duct taped. I have me an old dog pen next to my house, ya see, that I ain’t been using fer a good spell. I hauled them faggots outa my truck and threw ‘em Into the pen then pad locked it. Through the fence I cut ‘em free.”
“I looked at the 2 homos in the pen and sed, ‘Ok, now fuck.’ “
“Ya see, my plan wuz to create a gay sex scene at my old cabin to draw in that pervert Bigfoot, Then I would cut it down with my machine gun atop my roof.”
“Them thar fags were not at all agreeable with my request. They wuz riled up real good, they were. They wuz crying, and begging. Then they jest started threatenin old Roy, saying they wuz gonna sue me and get me locked up. Clearly, they wuz in no mood to fuck each other.”
“Well, son, yer old uncle Roy bowed his head and sighed. It wuz time fer an agonizing reappraisal of the situation. I then drew my sidearm, an FN Tac chambered fer .45 ACP. BAM!!! BAM!!!! They both dropped like sacks of taters. ‘Sumbitches...’, I thought.”
“Then I had me an idea. What if’n I jest kind of prop up these two homo corpses and make it look like they are buttfucking each other? ‘Hell, why not?’ I thought. So I bent one over a 5 gallon bucket, ass up, then I positioned the other one as the “top”. I secured them both with duct tape. Hell, It looked right to me!”
“As it wuz gettin dark I found me sum gay-faggot porn on one of the homo’s iPhones, so I put it in the dog pen with the butt-fucking corpses so the scene would be realistic. Then I took my position on the gun turret. I knew it may be a long night, so I smoked me sum sweeeeeeet meth I recent made. In fact, since I been holed up fer so long recovering from the Bigfoot rape, I had me a lot of time to cook up sum good meth. I figured I had me about $10.25 million gross in inventory, it would have been more, but I wuz bored outa my mind while convalescing.”
“Well sir, I did not have to wait long tonight to get sum action. It wuz jest half past dark, I reckon, when a big old rustling sound came from the trail leading to my cabin. But sumthang wuz not quite right. It wuz real loud like. Plus, it sounded like there wuz a LOT of ‘em! Maybe there wuz a whole goddamn clan of them horny fuckers coming after me. ‘KA-CLANK!’ I chambered a round in my gun and got ready.”
“Then there came a chanting. It went sumthang like ‘Hey Hey, Ho Ho, Homophobic Roy Must Go!’ Then I saw the lights. I had to study on this fer a moment. What in tarnation wuz goin on here? Then I got it. The lisping chant confirmed this as a gay protest march! But why wuz they up here in old Sasquatch Hollar? I let them approach.”
“The best I could tell, there wuz about 30 of them fag-o-sexuals. They had no idea how much danger they wuz in, what with that old rapist Bigfoot lurking around here. I bowed my head and sighed. ‘What dumb motherfuckers’, I thought. ‘They will thank me when they aren’t violently fist-fucked by that big old gorilla out here’, I said to myself.”
“TAT TAT TAT TAT TAT TAT TAT TAT TAT TAT TAT TAT TAT TAT TAT TAT TAT TAT TAT!!!!!!”
“The barking of that old .50 cal machine gun is a thing to behold! It chewed up them thar protesters like they wuz soda crackers. From the light of the fires in the woods started from intermittent tracer fire mixed in with the regular cartridges, I could see nuthin but shredded body parts and red splatter. ‘Sweet Bleedin Jesus!! How the fuck am I gonna clean up ALL THIS?!?’, I thought.”
“I decided to call it a night cuz there ain’t no critter comin round these parts after all that machine gun fire. I needed to get rid of all that biological evidence. So I went down to my shed and got my old flame thrower. I fueled up the tanks, strapped it on my back, and then went to werk.”
“I burnt up nearly all them woods that night. By morning it wuz a charred, smoking, burned out mess. I fixed me sum breakfast then had a seat on my front porch to sip some corn liquor. It wuz time fer Plan C. I decided I would catch me a lil nap on my porch first, in my old rockin chair I hand-made from Sasquatch bones. Then I would git up and implement Plan C.”
“Now, son, I musta been real tired cuz I did not even hear Sheriff walk up on me while I wuz napping on my porch. That is one of the detriments of gettin old. Twenty year ago I could hear two snails a’fuckin two ridges over. But now, time are a‘ changing,”
“I awoke with a start. Sheriff wuz saying my name, ‘Roy! Roy!! Get yer ass up!!’, he demanded. Quicker than a northeastern Democrat fucking a voter, I jumped up and punched old Sheriff square in the nose. He fell like a stone, blood spurting outa his nose everwhar.”
“Old Sheriff started right in a’whinin, ‘Now Roy, why did go and do a fool thing like THAT?!?’ I replied, ‘Cuz you snuck up on me, on my own damn property, shit head. Next question!’ Old Sheriff stood up, shaking his head and holding his bloody nose. He wuz a fat old disgusting sumbitch. I used to fuck his old lady before she got fat.”
“Sheriff continued, ‘Now Roy, we got us a serious problem here. You know that faggot bar down on Highway 53? Somebody went down there and beat the shit out of 7 of those homos. 5 of them are deader than a doornail. 2 of them are missing. Then, last night a bunch of them, around 30 of them, went off after the culprit. Word on the street is that they they think YOU are the culprit, Roy.’ The Sheriff looked troubled.”
“Old Sheriff then looked up at me, right in the eye, and said, ‘Tell me you did not go down there to that queer bar and kill a bunch of them fags, Roy.’ I did as he asked. I looked Old Sheriff right in his eyes and sed, ‘Sheriff, I did not go down thar to that faggot bar and kill those cocksuckers. You know me, I ain’t no fucking bigot.’”
“A look of relief came over Sheriff’s face as he started smilin. He sed, ‘I knew you wouldn’t do such a thing, Roy. I am just doing my job. By the way, did you see any of that group that went off looking for you?’ I sed, ‘Sure did. Them fuckers showed up here after dark, all hootin’ and hollaring. I cut ‘em all down with that thar machine gun mounted up thar on my roof’, I sed, pointing to my roof. ‘They’s all deader than hell’, I said.”
“Old Sheriff’s smile disappeared. He sed ‘Roy, why did you DO THAT?!?!? There’s talk in town about calling in the FBI to Investigate this as a hate crime.’ I waived my hand dismissively. ‘Fuck ‘em, I sed. They wuz all wild and out fer blood. I wuz jest defending myself.’ Sheriff seemed to like this, leaning forward and asking ‘really?’ I looked at the tub of lard and sed, ‘That’s what I sed, ain’t it?!?’, then I bitch-slapped Sheriff so hard he fell backward and onto his fat ass.”
“I then turned my back to Sheriff as I told him to get the fuck off my property. The old Sheriff stumbled to his feet, stammering ‘Ok, Roy, Ok. I’ll take care of it. I’ll take care of everything.’ I flipped him my middle finger as I heard him scurry off. Then something unexpected happened.”
“BAM!!!!! The explosion was crisp and loud. That dumb sumbitch Sheriff stepped on one of my buried land mines from the other night. I lowered my face into both of my hands. ‘That stupid motherfucker ...’, I thought to myself.”
“I found old Sheriff blasted to pieces. It looked like he had grown a little soul patch below his bottom lip. On closer inspection it wuz jest a piece of his hairy ball-sack that wuz blown off him and landed on his chin. Struggling to speak, old Sheriff looked up at me and sed ‘Roy...’. He did not get another word out before BLAMMMM!!!!!!! The sound of my Ruger .480 echoed through the valley! ‘What an asshole’, I sed, referring to old Sheriff.”
“Then, things rapidly took a turn fer the worst. I turned to go back to my cabin to get the flame thrower when I see that big old, 17’ tall rapist Bigfoot... STANDING NOT 20 FEET FROM ME!! That big sumbitch somehow managed to sneak up behind me without a sound, and it stood between me an my cabin. What’s worse is that it had a huge, red hard-on that must have been at good 20” long, throbbing and pulsating. IT WUZ POINTING RIGHT AT ME!”
“That’s when that big old critter did something really fucked up. It started grinning at me. Then, it raised its arm and hand and pointed at me, as if to say, ‘I’m gonna fuck you.’ A feeling of dread came over me. I knew my little old .480 wuz not gonna stop THIS beast. The thought crossed my mind about turning the gun on myself, but I opted agin this. I wuz jest gonna have ta take it like a man.”
“As the horny Sasquatch stood there I started taking off my overalls. Once I got nekkid I got down on my hands and knees, with my port of rear entry pointed at the beast. It jest watched me, clearly not expecting me to jest submit. Then a look of pure evil and meanness came over its face. I knew what this look meant: It was pissed. It wuz not gonna let me cheat it out of a brutal beating. It wuz gonna make up fer the lack of a fight by fucking me extra hard, and prolly to death.”
“Now what this critter did not know wuz that he wuz about to meet his match. I wuz always half-expecting this sumbitch to pop up at any awkward and unexpected moment when I was vulnerable. That is typical Bigfoot shit. They are dirty motherfuckers! Secondly, that fist-raping he put on me, along with the ensuing reparative surgeries, caused a major buildup of scar tissue in my rectum. I mean, it is bad. It is so bad that I could stick a burning road flare up my ass and I would not feel a damn thang.”
“So I had made me a contingency plan. I had me sum razor wire out in my shed. I cut me off about five feet of it, wadded it up, and put it up in my ass. I felt nothing, but I knew that the Bigfoot would feel sumthang!”
“So, with me nekkid and on my knees, ass in the air, that big old creepy beast came up from behind, aimed it’s massive cock, then shove it, HARD, up my ass. It immediately let out a blood curdling scream!”
“AASAAHHHHHHHHHJJJNJHHHH!!!! It roared!! The pained roar bounced from ridge to ridge, and down through the valley!”
“I turned around to look as the Bigfoot withdrew from me. His dick wuz so cut up that it looked like a slinky! Blood wuz everwhar. Flesh wuz hanging off the animal’s shredded cock. Then the poor bastard drops to its knees, cradling what is left of its Johnson in its hands.”
“As the motherfucker was mourning his loss, I retrieved my .480 revolver from my clothes on the ground. I walked up to the moaning Bigfoot as it looked down at the mess between his legs and pointed my pistol right at its head. I pulled the hammer back, ready to put a bullet in its head.”
“The Sasquatch, still on its knees, looked up at me with an expression that sed, ‘Why did you do THIS?!?!? You don’t mess with another man’s fuck-tackle!’ On sum level I agree with this sentiment. You do not go after a dude’s junk. But, this sumbitch raped me, so all bets are off.”
“That swarthy beast accepted its fate. It would rather die than live without his beefy schlong. It lowered its head and I pulled the trigger, causing its head to explode like a bottle of soda! ‘That sick sumbitch, I hope it burns in hell’, I thought.”
“That’s how I got my revenge on that bastard. That wuz the biggest Foot I ever did see, and the creepiest. I ate most of that sumbitch, and fed the rest to my hawgs.”

Well sir, way back round bout ohhh, 1953 er so, I dun reckon, we had us a dadgum real problem here in these rugged, deep and dark woodland of them thar Great Smoky Mountains here in these old lower Appalachian Mountains. They were frightful critters, they were. They dun up and struck fear in the hearts of us tried and true, diehard southern Appalachian mountain folks. We is am hardy bunch of folks with a bloodline going back to the old country of Scotland, and deep into the medieval times. To be sure, we ain’t scairt of sheeyit!
Now here in these old and ancient Appalachian mountains, we’uns been livin side by side with all sort of critter. We got them thar great old big bigfoots, both of the ape-man and caveman varieties. We got them thar werewolves, but today they is called “dogman”. We got us them Snallygaster sumbitches, giant hogs, and even a mothman that looks like both a moth and a man, and which will zap yer mind! We got witches, and spirits, and ghosts, and goblins, and vampires, and zombies, and space aliens, and Jason Voorhees, and the Stoneish Giant, and The Thunder Brothers, and Hillary Clinton, and The Thunder King, and the Coyote King, and the Death Cat, and The Vampire Lestat, and the Raven Mocker, and the Wildman, and The Wampus Beast, and them thar Devil Dogs, and Nancy Pelosi, and the Lizard Demon, and the Hellhound, and Cthulhu, and Tyler Perry, and the Far Dragon, and the Shadow Creature, and the Batman, and them cave creatures, and that sumbitch Bloodless Howler, and the Fire Ape, and The Cherokee Devil, and The Cherokee Liar (a/k/a Elizabeth Warren), and The Ash Man, and The Michelin Man, and the Swamp Creature, to name jest a couple. But we’uns here are tough nuff to live side to side with sech critters cuz we periodically kick them in the balls and shows ‘em who am boss of these here woods!!
Them thar good old boys from West Virginia, who are all experienced, tried and true, red white and blue, hunters and trappers, and American heeroes, knowd bout kickin sech beasts in thar balls to keep em in check. Them good old fellers are sum of the roughest, tuffest mountain monster hunters round! Why, good old Trapper John is such a mean sumbitch that he can bite the testicles off a 12’ tall Sasquatch right in the middle of saying the American Pledge of Allegiance, and never skip a beat! If’n the AIMS Team cain’t beat it, then you is fucked.
So, back to our problem back here many years past, and agin the backdrop of what I jest laid out fer ya, we had us a real bad problem here. And if’n us ancient race of Appalachian mountain folk cain’t a’handle it, then ya know how bad it twas. If’n these critters had ever leaked outside of our old mountain range then the whole world would have been devastated.
I am talking about dongs. And not just any dong. You can get them thar pussified dongs the rich bitches use, or the ones used by them thar girlie city boys who’s hands are smooth as silk, or the French. No sir! I is talking bout them old Mountain Monster Demon Dongs! Them sumbitches are ALIVE and possessed by demons! Sum are attached to possessed men with corrupted minds. Sum be attached to fearsome critters, like Sasquatch and Dogman, and sum are disembodied dongs possessed by restless and malevolent spirits, and they glow in the dark and float around in the woods at night!
Most impotently, them thar dongs are looking to PENETRATE any sort of orifice they can. They ain’t necessarily homofied, but it mainly be menfolk in the woods. They get all up in thar and jest go and go and go til yer innards are black and blue.
It dun got so bad back thar then in 1953 that sum us wuz all a gettin violated 2-3 times a day. So us mountain folk got together with out guns and dogs and cuttin implements and staged an uprising against the dongs.The murderous violence and mayhem that ensued became known as The Great Dong War of 1953. Many dongs were kilt in that damn war, and many good men lost thar rectums. The fight lasted what seemed like an eternity. It wuz long and hard. But in the end we managed to push Dong into the dark abyss!
Ever since then we have lived relatively dong free in these here old mountains. But now the dongs are coming back. I don’t rightly know why that be the case jest yet. It may be a niche critter. Or there may be more assholes now. But one thang is fer sure: the dongs are becoming more and more numerous in these here hills. Hell, I is always having to fish out dead dongs from my mash pots.
I shore do hope them good old boys from West Virginny can hep us out here. By God, If’n anybody can do it, it’s the AIMS Team!!

Yessir, I reckon it were back in 1991 that I had me a run in with a big old sumbitchin Sasquatch known as “The Hell Beast”. Now, in realty it twere no more evil than any other them thar Bigfoot critters. It gots it name cuz it’s lair is in a big old cave out behind the local church, “Dogman Ridge Southern Baptist Church”.
Ya see, them old church folk be in religious services on Sunday and Wednesday nights, which is jest bout the time that old critter likes to crawl outside it’s cave and howl. It gives them those creepy old “Ohio Howls”, a long deep and drawn out guttural howl. Well, when them church folk heard that they said it sounded like the gates of Hell had been opened! They dubbed it “The Hell Beast”.
Now I is here to tell ya that this critter is just another mangy Bigfoot prick. Ya see, the paster at the church, old Mr. “Big Meat” Jones, called me up to investigate the situation shortly after the howling started. He called old Roy cuz I is known far and wide fer being the best Bigfoot hunter around. Yep, they begged me to go out thar to deal with thar problem.
It happent like this here. One day my satellite phone rang whilst I wuz at home. I ignored the ringing the first few times cuz I were balls deep in sum fresh gash. See, I had lured a sweet, young, and gullible waitress from the local greasy spoon, The Wood Knock Cafe, with the promise of sum sweet H. Her name wuz Mary Lou sumthang er other. It don’t matter none. Anyway, I had been banging that bitch ever which way fer hours and hours. While she wuz chasing the dragon, I wuz 8-ballin it!
At one point I had to take me a lil break frum fuckin cuz I thought I had broke my cock. It wuz upon remounting Mary Lou that I notice that she had started turning blue. She wuz also gettin kinda stiff. “Well, what the fuck?”, I thought, and got back on the job.
About half-way to the promised land the reality started to set it: This bitch is dead!! Well sir, I cyphered on that a while while I finished up my bidness. After I finished I got a little bummed out. I still had plenty of blow, but now my fuck piece had expired! What the fuck wuz I a’gonna do fer the rest of the night?!? It were bout that thar time that I dun herd my phone jest a’rangin and rangin. I put my old thumpin stick away and wint to answer it.
I answered the phone. It were the paster. I sed “Well howdy-do thar Big Meat! How’s ya daughter? She 18 yet?”. He admonished me against calling him “Big Meat”, saying that his past life has to stay in the past; he is a man of the Lord now. I asked him “Well, does the Lord know you and I fire bombed that chilluns hospital back in Nam while we had heads full of a acid? Or how you, old Big Meat, used to go by “Jim Jones” and faked your death in the South American jungle?”
This irritates old Big Meat when I brings it up. But I didn’t mean anythang by it. I jest enjoyed fuckin with him. So I broke the tension and sed “Ok, Big Meat, what can I do fer ya’ll? What’s up, buddy?” Meat went on to tell me about the horrendous howling coming from out behind his church at night. He sed it’s scarring his parishioners off, which is cuttin into his bottom line, and his puntang supply. “Shit!”, I replied.
Well now, old Meat wanted my help. I told him that sure, I would be happy to oblige. But that would be a price. “Anything. Just ask”, sed Big Meat. So we shot the shit fer a couple minutes and then struck a deal whereby I would investigate his Bigfoot problem in exchange fer Big Meat getting rid of old Mary Lou’s body by putting her in one of them thar unmarked graves in the church’s cemetery. “Well Hell, Roy! That’s what the goddamn grave yard is here for!”, sed Meat.
To make a long story short, I wint out thar behind the old church and found that sumbitch Sasquatch lair. It were an old cave, the entrance of which were hidden back up under a rocky out-cropping. Now this is whar I made me a little discovery that is of interest to those in the Bigfoot community. But first let me give ya’ll sum background so you will understand.
A few years back a recording surfaced of a Bigfoot making howling noises in Ohio. It came from that goofy fat-fuck, Matt Moneymaker, which immediately called into question its authenticity. Rumor has it that Matt didn’t actually record that shit. But he somehow got his hands on it, though, then promoted it.
The howl, which would become known as “the Ohio Howl”, is a long, deep howl. It starts out low, then slowly builds to a crescendo, then recedes. Some have described it as sounding kinda like an air raid siren. One of these howls lasts 10-15 seconds each. Then they repeat! Moreover, it is creepy as all holy hell.
Now this could have easily been written off as a stupid, fake stunt from that fat cunt, Matt Moneymaker. But then sumthang happent: people started saying they heard those howls before, and from all over the country. In fact, people started producing more recordings of these howls! Pretty soon, this became known as “The Ohio Howl”.
One thang ain’t never been seen is a Sasquatch whilst it is actually doing a “Ohio Howl”. Well sir, that all changed the nite I went out behind Dogman Ridge Southern Baptist Church to investigate thar beast. This here is how it wint down.
I took up a position bout thutty yards from the entrance of that old mangy monster’s cave entrance, concealing myself in bushes and brush. I wuz shore it wuz in thar cuz thar be prints leading in thar! Course, I wuz armed to the teeth. I figured I could take out that thar beast fer the church, then have me sum Bigfoot meat fer the freezer. I had me my AR-10 rifle loaded with armor piercing bullets; a 12 gauge Mossberg 500 shotgun loaded with 1 ounce, high velocity slugs; an SMG in case I encounter sum of them thar goddamned Leprechauns again; my big old Ruger Redhawk revolver in .480 Ruger; 2 HK USP pistols chambered in .45 ACP; a half dozen flash-bang grenades; a few assorted knives and daggers; a Stihl chainsaw; and a pack of Reese’s Peanut Butter cups.
Around 9:00 pm that nite the action started suddenly. The skies wuz clear and the moon wuz nearly full overhead, making fer good visibility. I had cut me out a good hole in the bushes too so I wuld hav unobstructed view of that thar cave entrance. In short, I wuz reddy as a horny dog humpin a Teddy Bear.
First came the loud grunts. Then the moaning. I could hear it echoing from deep within the cave. As it continued it grew louder, suggesting that the source of the noise wuz approaching my position. As I heard all the commotion I thought that the creature may be dying er sumthang. “Goddamn!”, I quietly sed out loud as I listened to labored moaning and groaning.
The sound grew louder and louder. Loud moans, and growls. I wuz startin to get concerned, so I readied my rifle and took aim at the cave entrance. If that thar damned critter is hurt then it’s gonna be doubly dangerous!! I thought to myself, “Roy, what in the HELL did you let yerself git talked into by that shady ass preacher?!?” I made a mental note that after I took care of this damned Bigfoot I would go down to the church an whup Big Meat’s ass.
Finally, the growing intensity of the infernal racket signaled the beast wuz coming out of the cave!! Then it appeared!! What happent next caught me a little off guard. But first let me tell ya that this here wuz a big old beast. It were a big bull male Bigfoot, standing at least 11’ tall. It’s shoulders were as broad as Michelle Obama’s fat ass, and it prolly weighed as much as Oprah Winfrey after a trip to Ben and Jerry’s. It wuz one BIG sumbitch! And now is wuz coming at ME!
That big old Sasquatch run outa that thar cave, jest a hollering and carrying on. As soon as it was outside it dropped to its knees. It were at this here point I noticed that it had its wang in its right hand. Not only that, but that thar critter wuz stroking its pud! That’s right…it were abusing itself! It wuz also doing that that “Ohio Howl” as it were yanking it’s chain.
Bout that time that mangy beast shot a load. Thank God I wuz out of range of it cuz he prolly dropped a 55 gallon barrel worth of critter jizz when it busted its nut. All the while this is going on that thang wuz yelling and moaning and sech, growing to a crescendo of screaming sasquatch orgasm. It wuz a right exciting sight! It was the OHIO HOWL!!
After a couple minutes the damned old Bigfoot calmed down. It then looked around at the mess he created by spilling its seed all over the forest floor. It looked like a hard frost had fallen, I’ll tell ya what. Then the thang hung its head low like it were ashamed of itself and slinked back off into its cave.
“What a fucking asshole”, I thought to myself. All its doing is spanking the squatch. It ain’t no reason to spaz out like that. Nonetheless, I had jest made me a re-markable discovery: THE OHIO HOWL IS A SASQUATCH ORGASM!! Therefore, ever time you is out in the woods and you hear that long drawn out howl, then you know that somewhere a Bigfoot has bust a nut!
I decided to walk back to Big Meat’s church and let ‘em know what I done learnt tonight. It wuz Wednesday night and the whole congregation were there. I have to admit that I had an ulterior motive as well. See, in the way in I dropped off some of good old Roy’s mountain brownies fer the congregation. It figure it would be a good way to break the ice with these assholes since the last time I wuz here I robbed the place.
But what these peckers did not know wuz that I laced my brownies with fentanyl! I figure I’d git em higher than a kite, then git em hooked on my brownies! Heh heh heh!!!!
I got to the church in about 10 minutes. I walked in and saw old Big Meat standing up front and not saying anything and with a blank look on his face. But otherwise the church appeared empty. I walked on end and raised my voice so Meat could hear me. I sed “Whar’s your flock, fuck face? You run em off with yer boring sermons?”
As I walked forward between the pews I noticed something. There were bodies on the floor everywhere between the pews. Meat must have had thutty or fotty members here, and they is all dead!!
I looked at Meat and asked, “Meat! What in the hell did you do to these here people?!? They is dead!!” Old Meat raised his head and looked at me. Then with a low voice he sed “Roy, I don’t know what happened. I had just got done passing around that plate of brownies you brought. Then as everyone was enjoying them they started dropping dead!”
“Oh shit!”, I sed to myself. I wuz right perturbed with myself too. I fucked up and mixed my brownies too damn rich. Now I dun fucked my self out of 30-40 customers. Son of a bitch!!!
I turned to Meat and sed, “Well hell, Meat. It were probably the Covid, you know? That is sum bad shit!” Meat paused, then slowly nodded as he picked up one of my brownies and took a bite.

Well sir, way back round bout ohhh, 1953 er so, I dun reckon, we had us a dadgum real problem here in these rugged, deep and dark woodland of them thar Great Smoky Mountains here in these old lower Appalachian Mountains. They were frightful critters, they were. They dun up and struck fear in the hearts of us tried and true, diehard southern Appalachian mountain folks. We is am hardy bunch of folks with a bloodline going back to the old country of Scotland, and deep into the medieval times. To be sure, we ain’t scairt of sheeyit!
Now here in these old and ancient Appalachian mountains, we’uns been livin side by side with all sort of critter. We got them thar great old big bigfoots, both of the ape-man and caveman varieties. We got them thar werewolves, but today they is called “dogman”. We got us them Snallygaster sumbitches, giant hogs, and even a mothman that looks like both a moth and a man, and which will zap yer mind! We got witches, and spirits, and ghosts, and goblins, and vampires, and zombies, and space aliens, and Jason Voorhees, and the Stoneish Giant, and The Thunder Brothers, and Hillary Clinton, and The Thunder King, and the Coyote King, and the Death Cat, and The Vampire Lestat, and the Raven Mocker, and the Wildman, and The Wampus Beast, and them thar Devil Dogs, and Nancy Pelosi, and the Lizard Demon, and the Hellhound, and Cthulhu, and Tyler Perry, and the Far Dragon, and the Shadow Creature, and the Batman, and them cave creatures, and that sumbitch Bloodless Howler, and the Fire Ape, and The Cherokee Devil, and The Cherokee Liar (a/k/a Elizabeth Warren), and The Ash Man, and The Michelin Man, and the Swamp Creature, to name jest a couple. But we’uns here are tough nuff to live side to side with sech critters cuz we periodically kick them in the balls and shows ‘em who am boss of these here woods!!
Them thar good old boys from West Virginia, who are all experienced, tried and true, red white and blue, hunters and trappers, and American heeroes, knowd bout kickin sech beasts in thar balls to keep em in check. Them good old fellers are sum of the roughest, tuffest mountain monster hunters round! Why, good old Trapper John is such a mean sumbitch that he can bite the testicles off a 12’ tall Sasquatch right in the middle of saying the American Pledge of Allegiance, and never skip a beat! If’n the AIMS Team cain’t beat it, then you is fucked.
So, back to our problem back here many years past, and agin the backdrop of what I jest laid out fer ya, we had us a real bad problem here. And if’n us ancient race of Appalachian mountain folk cain’t a’handle it, then ya know how bad it twas. If’n these critters had ever leaked outside of our old mountain range then the whole world would have been devastated.
I am talking about dongs. And not just any dong. You can get them thar pussified dongs the rich bitches use, or the ones used by them thar girlie city boys who’s hands are smooth as silk, or the French. No sir! I is talking bout them old Mountain Monster Demon Dongs! Them sumbitches are ALIVE and possessed by demons! Sum are attached to possessed men with corrupted minds. Sum be attached to fearsome critters, like Sasquatch and Dogman, and sum are disembodied dongs possessed by restless and malevolent spirits, and they glow in the dark and float around in the woods at night!
Most impotently, them thar dongs are looking to PENETRATE any sort of orifice they can. They ain’t necessarily homofied, but it mainly be menfolk in the woods. They get all up in thar and jest go and go and go til yer innards are black and blue.
It dun got so bad back thar then in 1953 that sum us wuz all a gettin violated 2-3 times a day. So us mountain folk got together with out guns and dogs and cuttin implements and staged an uprising against the dongs.The murderous violence and mayhem that ensued became known as The Great Dong War of 1953. Many dongs were kilt in that damn war, and many good men lost thar rectums. The fight lasted what seemed like an eternity. It wuz long and hard. But in the end we managed to push Dong into the dark abyss!
Ever since then we have lived relatively dong free in these here old mountains. But now the dongs are coming back. I don’t rightly know why that be the case jest yet. It may be a niche critter. Or there may be more assholes now. But one thang is fer sure: the dongs are becoming more and more numerous in these here hills. Hell, I is always having to fish out dead dongs from my mash pots.
I shore do hope them good old boys from West Virginny can hep us out here. By God, If’n anybody can do it, it’s the AIMS Team!!

1000 OWNED (1000 Points)
Orks War Horde Incursion (1000 Points)
CHARACTERS
Beastboss (80 Points) • Warlord • 1x Beast Snagga klaw 1x Beastchoppa 1x Shoota
Beastboss on Squigosaur (150 Points) • 1x Beastchoppa 1x Slugga 1x Squigosaur’s jaws 1x Thump gun • Enhancements: Headwoppa’s Killchoppa
Boss Snikrot (85 Points) • 1x Mork’s Teeth 1x Slugga
Warboss (65 Points) • 1x Attack squig 1x Kombi-weapon 1x Power klaw 1x Twin sluggas
BATTLELINE
Beast Snagga Boyz (105 Points) • 9x Beast Snagga Boy • 9x Choppa 9x Slugga • 1x Beast Snagga Nob • 1x Power snappa 1x Slugga
Boyz (85 Points) • 9x Boy • 9x Choppa 9x Slugga • 1x Boss Nob • 1x Power klaw 1x Slugga
DEDICATED TRANSPORTS
Trukk (65 Points) • 1x Big shoota 1x Spiked wheels 1x Wreckin’ ball
OTHER DATASHEETS
Burna Boyz (60 Points) • 1x Spanner • 1x Close combat weapon 1x Rokkit launcha • 4x Burna Boy • 4x Burna 4x Cuttin’ flames
Flash Gitz (80 Points) • 1x Ammo Runt • 1x Kaptin • 1x Choppa 1x Snazzgun • 4x Flash Git • 4x Choppa 4x Snazzgun
Gretchin (40 Points) • 10x Gretchin • 10x Close combat weapon 10x Grot blasta • 1x Runtherd • 1x Runtherd tools 1x Slugga
Kommandos (135 Points) • 1x Bomb Squig 1x Distraction Grot • 9x Kommando • 1x Breacha ram 7x Choppa 1x Close combat weapon 1x Rokkit launcha 7x Slugga • 1x Boss Nob • 1x Power klaw 1x Slugga
Lootas (50 Points) • 1x Spanner • 1x Close combat weapon 1x Rokkit launcha • 4x Loota • 4x Close combat weapon 4x Deffgun
So, this is basically every model I got. It’s not super competitive but with the new points changes I fit just into 1k points using Moz as a regular Squigboss. What do you think is the best detachment to play this list with? I have put War Horde because it’s the most generic, and I don’t think it particularly fits into any of the specialized ones. Also, any tips on strategies to play? I play almost exclusively against Nids and SM.

Hi everyone in the Orks team! I was wondering if I could get someone's opinion on the team I created in this website, I'm going for 2k points and have gone with the Bad Moons as my clan. This is it:
Char1: 1x Painboy (70 pts): ’Urty syringe, Power klaw
Char2: 1x Warboss in Mega Armour (80 pts): ’Uge choppa, Big shoota
​
10x Boyz (85 pts)
• 1x Boss Nob: Big choppa, Slugga
• 9x Boy: 9 with Choppa, Slugga
10x Boyz (85 pts)
• 1x Boss Nob: Big choppa, Slugga
• 9x Boy: 9 with Choppa, Slugga
​
5x Burna Boyz (60 pts)
• 4x Burna Boy: 4 with Burna, Cuttin’ flames
• 1x Spanner: Close combat weapon, Kustom mega-blasta
11x Gretchin (40 pts)
• 10x Gretchin: 10 with Close combat weapon, Grot blasta
• 1x Runtherd: Grot-smacka, Slugga
5x Lootas (50 pts)
• 4x Loota: 4 with Close combat weapon, Deffgun
• 1x Spanner: Big shoota, Close combat weapon
2x Meganobz (60 pts): 2 with Kustom shoota, Power klaw
1x Battlewagon (160 pts): Wreckin' ball, Kannon, Tracks and wheels
1x Dakkajet (135 pts): Armoured hull, 2x Twin supa-shoota
3x Killa Kans (125 pts): 3 with Kan klaw, Kan shoota
1x Stompa (800 pts): 3x Big shoota, Deffkannon, Mega-choppa, Skorcha, Supa-gatler, Supa-rokkits, Twin big shoota
1x Wazbom Blastajet (175 pts): Blastajet Force Field, Armoured hull, Smasha gun, Twin wazbom mega-kannon, Twin supa-shoota
1x Trukk (65 pts): Big shoota, Spiked wheels, Wreckin' ball

I have a battlewaggon and I don't know how I should be fielding it or if it's worth having ghaz in it this is a list I feel like using it with shooty shooty bang bang (1750 points)
Orks Strike Force (2000 points) Waaagh! Tribe
CHARACTERS
Ghazghkull Thraka (235 points) • 1x Ghazghkull Thraka • Warlord • 1x Gork’s Klaw 1x Mork’s Roar • 1x Makari • 1x Makari’s stabba
Painboy (70 points) • 1x Power klaw 1x ’Urty syringe
Warboss (65 points) • 1x Big choppa 1x Kombi-weapon 1x Twin slugga
Warboss (65 points) • 1x Big choppa 1x Kombi-weapon 1x Twin slugga
Weirdboy (55 points) • 1x Weirdboy staff 1x ’Eadbanger
BATTLELINE
Boyz (170 points) • 1x Boss Nob • 1x Big choppa 1x Slugga • 19x Boy • 19x Choppa 19x Slugga
Boyz (170 points) • 1x Boss Nob • 1x Big choppa 1x Slugga • 19x Boy • 19x Choppa 19x Slugga
DEDICATED TRANSPORTS
Trukk (65 points) • 1x Big shoota 1x Spiked wheels
OTHER DATASHEETS
Battlewagon (160 points) • 4x Big shoota 1x Deff rolla 1x Grabbin’ klaw 1x Lobba 1x Wreckin’ ball
Burna Boyz (120 points) • 2x Spanner • 2x Big shoota 2x Close combat weapon • 8x Burna Boy • 8x Burna 8x Cuttin’ flames
Gretchin (40 points) • 1x Runtherd • 1x Grot-smacka 1x Slugga • 10x Gretchin • 10x Close combat weapon 10x Grot blasta
Killa Kans (125 points) • 3x Killa Kan • 3x Kan klaw 3x Rokkit launcha
Killa Kans (125 points) • 3x Killa Kan • 3x Kan klaw 3x Rokkit launcha
Killa Kans (125 points) • 3x Killa Kan • 3x Kan klaw 3x Rokkit launcha
Lootas (100 points) • 2x Spanner • 2x Big shoota 2x Close combat weapon • 8x Loota • 8x Close combat weapon 8x Deffgun
Meganobz (60 points) • 2x Meganob • 2x Killsaw 2x Kombi-weapon
Exported with App Version: v1.12.0 (40), Data Version: v357

The idea is to have Snikrot clear infiltrators and scouts so the gargantuan squiggoths don't get boxed in. Then he uses actions to cleanse. The gretchin stay on the home objective and does gretchin things. The Deffkilla, BigMek in Mega with MNobs go up and hold an objective while the squiggoths filled with everyone else goes to where the fighting is heaviest.
I plan to use the Beastboss and 2 killsaw MNobs as missiles from the gargantuan squiggoths. They can go through buildings easy.
Boss Snikrot [85pts]
Beastboss [100pts]
Beastboss [100pts]
Beastboss [100pts]
Big Mek in Mega Armour [85pts]: Grot oiler, Kustom force field, Kustom mega-blasta, Warlord
Deffkilla Wartrike [95pts]: Supa-Cybork Body
Burna Boyz [60pts] . 4x Burna Boy: 4x Burna, 4x Cuttin’ flames . Spanner w/ Rokkit launcha
Burna Boyz [60pts] . 4x Burna Boy: 4x Burna, 4x Cuttin’ flames . Spanner w/ Rokkit launcha
Burna Boyz [120pts] . 8x Burna Boy: 8x Burna, 8x Cuttin’ flames . 2x Spanner w/ Rokkit launcha: 2x Close combat weapon, 2x Rokkit launcha
Gretchin [40pts] . 10x Gretchin: 10x Close combat weapon, 10x Grot blasta . Runtherd
Meganobz [150pts] . 5x Meganob w/ Kombi-weapon and killsaw: 5x Killsaw, 5x Kombi-weapon
Meganobz [60pts] . 2x Meganob w/ Twin killsaw: 2x Twin killsaw
Gargantuan Squiggoth [440pts]: Supa-kannon
Gargantuan Squiggoth [440pts]: Supa-kannon
Trukk [65pts]: Wreckin' ball
++ Total: [2,000pts] ++

I've been having a rough time in a escalation league(currently 750pts) I'm in, and I could use some tips as I'm still pretty new. Versus Necrons, how would you play this list? I know I'm short on Boyz and Gretchin, but this is sadly what I got. The only "plan" I have so far is to chuck Warboss in Mega Armor + Meganobz in the Trukk, have Boyz walk the board with Painboy, Gretchin for home objective, Weirdboy going solo for objectives, Bikers because broom broom go fast and Deffkoptas for Deep Strike turn 2. I know the Necron player is using a bunchof Scarab Swarms, a Technomancer and that Doomstalker(?) thingie.
Thanks in advance for any input!
Escalation (740 points)
Orks Incursion (1000 points) Waaagh! Tribe
CHARACTERS
Painboy (95 points) • 1x Grot Orderly 1x Power klaw 1x ’Urty syringe • Enhancement: Follow Me Ladz
Warboss in Mega Armour (80 points) • Warlord • 1x Big shoota 1x ’Uge choppa
Weirdboy (55 points) • 1x Weirdboy staff 1x ’Eadbanger
BATTLELINE
Boyz (85 points) • 1x Boss Nob • 1x Power klaw 1x Slugga • 9x Boy • 6x Choppa 2x Close combat weapon 1x Close combat weapon 1x Rokkit launcha 2x Shoota 6x Slugga
DEDICATED TRANSPORTS
Trukk (65 points) • 1x Big shoota 1x Spiked wheels 1x Wreckin’ ball
OTHER DATASHEETS
Burna Boyz (60 points) • 1x Spanner • 1x Close combat weapon 1x Kustom mega-blasta • 4x Burna Boy • 4x Burna 4x Cuttin’ flames
Deffkoptas (100 points) • 3x Deffkopta • 2x Kopta rokkits 1x Kustom mega-blasta 3x Slugga 3x Spinnin’ blades
Gretchin (40 points) • 1x Runtherd • 1x Grot-smacka 1x Slugga • 10x Gretchin • 10x Close combat weapon 10x Grot blasta
Meganobz (90 points) • 3x Meganob • 3x Killsaw 3x Kombi-weapon
Warbikers (70 points) • 1x Boss Nob on Warbike • 1x Close combat weapon 1x Power klaw 1x Twin dakkagun • 2x Warbiker • 2x Choppa 2x Close combat weapon 2x Twin dakkagun
Exported with App Version: v1.11.0 (39), Data Version: v352

following friends advice I made a list comprised of everything ork I own. Which made about 1200 points. I then tried the app to make my first list as a method to create a more clear "to do /shopping list). How does this list look to you guys ?
fire hammers (2000 points)
Orks Strike Force (2000 points) Waaagh! Tribe
CHARACTERS
Beastboss on Squigosaur (185 points) • 1x Beastchoppa 1x Slugga 1x Squigosaur’s jaws 1x Thump gun • Enhancement: Headwoppa’s Killchoppa
Ghazghkull Thraka (235 points) • 1x Ghazghkull Thraka • Warlord • 1x Gork’s Klaw 1x Mork’s Roar • 1x Makari • 1x Makari’s stabba
Nob on Smasha Squig (85 points) • 1x Big choppa 1x Slugga 1x Smasha squig jaws • Enhancement: Follow Me Ladz
BATTLELINE
Beast Snagga Boyz (210 points) • 1x Beast Snagga Nob • 1x Power snappa 1x Slugga • 10x Beast Snagga Boy • 9x Choppa 1x Close combat weapon 9x Slugga 1x Thump gun
Beast Snagga Boyz (105 points) • 1x Beast Snagga Nob • 1x Power snappa 1x Slugga • 9x Beast Snagga Boy • 9x Choppa 9x Slugga
Boyz (85 points) • 1x Boss Nob • 1x Big choppa 1x Slugga • 9x Boy • 9x Close combat weapon 9x Shoota
Boyz (85 points) • 1x Boss Nob • 1x Big choppa 1x Slugga • 9x Boy • 9x Choppa 9x Slugga
DEDICATED TRANSPORTS
Trukk (65 points) • 1x Big shoota 1x Spiked wheels 1x Wreckin’ ball
Trukk (65 points) • 1x Big shoota 1x Spiked wheels
OTHER DATASHEETS
Burna Boyz (60 points) • 1x Spanner • 1x Big shoota 1x Close combat weapon • 4x Burna Boy • 4x Burna 4x Cuttin’ flames
Deff Dread (130 points) • 2x Big shoota 2x Dread klaw 1x Stompy feet
Flash Gitz (95 points) • 1x Kaptin • 1x Choppa 1x Snazzgun • 4x Flash Git • 4x Choppa 4x Snazzgun
Kill Rig (170 points) • 1x Butcha boyz 1x Savage horns and hooves 1x Saw blades 1x Stikka kannon 1x Wurrtower 1x ’Eavy lobba
Kommandos (135 points) • 1x Boss Nob • 1x Choppa 1x Slugga • 9x Kommando • 9x Choppa 9x Slugga
Lootas (50 points) • 1x Spanner • 1x Big shoota 1x Close combat weapon • 4x Loota • 4x Close combat weapon 4x Deffgun
Meganobz (60 points) • 2x Meganob • 2x Kustom shoota 2x Power klaw
Mek Gunz (55 points) • 1x Grot crew 1x Smasha gun
Squighog Boyz (125 points) • 3x Squighog Boy • 3x Saddlegit weapons 3x Squighog jaws and saddlegits 3x Stikka

can I do it Waaagh! (2000 points)
Orks Strike Force (2000 points) Waaagh! Tribe
CHARACTERS
Painboy (70 points) • 1x Grot Orderly 1x Power klaw 1x ’Urty syringe
Painboy (70 points) • 1x Grot Orderly 1x Power klaw 1x ’Urty syringe
Painboy (70 points) • 1x Grot Orderly 1x Power klaw 1x ’Urty syringe
Warboss (65 points) • Warlord • 1x Attack squig 1x Kombi-weapon 1x Power klaw 1x Twin slugga
Warboss (65 points) • 1x Attack squig 1x Kombi-weapon 1x Power klaw 1x Twin slugga
Warboss (65 points) • 1x Attack squig 1x Kombi-weapon 1x Power klaw 1x Twin slugga
BATTLELINE
Boyz (170 points) • 1x Boss Nob • 1x Power klaw 1x Slugga • 19x Boy • 1x Big shoota 17x Choppa 2x Close combat weapon 1x Rokkit launcha 17x Slugga
Boyz (170 points) • 1x Boss Nob • 1x Power klaw 1x Slugga • 19x Boy • 1x Big shoota 17x Choppa 2x Close combat weapon 1x Rokkit launcha 17x Slugga
Boyz (170 points) • 1x Boss Nob • 1x Power klaw 1x Slugga • 19x Boy • 1x Big shoota 17x Choppa 2x Close combat weapon 1x Rokkit launcha 17x Slugga
DEDICATED TRANSPORTS
Trukk (65 points) • 1x Big shoota 1x Spiked wheels 1x Wreckin’ ball
Trukk (65 points) • 1x Big shoota 1x Spiked wheels 1x Wreckin’ ball
Trukk (65 points) • 1x Big shoota 1x Spiked wheels 1x Wreckin’ ball
OTHER DATASHEETS
Burna Boyz (120 points) • 2x Spanner • 2x Close combat weapon 2x Rokkit launcha • 8x Burna Boy • 8x Burna 8x Cuttin’ flames
Burna Boyz (120 points) • 2x Spanner • 2x Close combat weapon 2x Rokkit launcha • 8x Burna Boy • 8x Burna 8x Cuttin’ flames
Burna Boyz (120 points) • 2x Spanner • 2x Close combat weapon 2x Rokkit launcha • 8x Burna Boy • 8x Burna 8x Cuttin’ flames
Gretchin (40 points) • 1x Runtherd • 1x Grot-smacka 1x Slugga • 10x Gretchin • 10x Close combat weapon 10x Grot blasta
Gretchin (40 points) • 1x Runtherd • 1x Grot-smacka 1x Slugga • 10x Gretchin • 10x Close combat weapon 10x Grot blasta
Lootas (150 points) • 3x Spanner • 3x Close combat weapon 3x Rokkit launcha • 12x Loota • 12x Close combat weapon 12x Deffgun
Lootas (150 points) • 3x Spanner • 3x Close combat weapon 3x Rokkit launcha • 12x Loota • 12x Close combat weapon 12x Deffgun
Lootas (150 points) • 3x Spanner • 3x Close combat weapon 3x Rokkit launcha • 12x Loota • 12x Close combat weapon 12x Deffgun
Exported with App Version: v1.11.0 (39), Data Version: v352

Just started dark angles and wanted to get input to go against my brothers orks
Giggity (2650 Points)
Orks Waaagh! Tribe Onslaught (3000 Points)
CHARACTERS
Big Mek in Mega Armour (85 Points) • 1x Grot Oiler 1x Kustom Force Field 1x Kustom mega-blasta 1x Power klaw
Ghazghkull Thraka (235 Points) • 1x Ghazghkull Thraka • Warlord • 1x Gork’s Klaw 1x Mork’s Roar • 1x Makari • 1x Makari’s stabba
Kaptin Badrukk (80 Points) • 1x Choppa 1x Da Rippa 1x Slugga
Nob with Waaagh! Banner (70 Points) • 1x Kustom shoota 1x Waaagh! banner
Warboss (85 Points) • 1x Attack squig 1x Kombi-weapon 1x Power klaw 1x Twin slugga • Enhancements: Headwoppa’s Killchoppa
Warboss in Mega Armour (80 Points) • 1x Big shoota 1x ’Uge choppa
BATTLELINE
Boyz (170 Points) • 1x Boss Nob • 1x Power klaw 1x Slugga • 15x Boy • 15x Choppa 15x Slugga
DEDICATED TRANSPORTS
Trukk (65 Points) • 1x Big shoota 1x Spiked wheels 1x Wreckin’ ball
OTHER DATASHEETS
Battlewagon (160 Points) • 4x Big shoota 1x Deff rolla 1x Grabbin’ klaw 1x Kannon 1x Lobba 1x Wreckin’ ball 1x ’Ard Case
Boomdakka Snazzwagon (80 Points) • 1x Big shoota 1x Grot blasta 1x Mek speshul 1x Spiked wheels
Boomdakka Snazzwagon (80 Points) • 1x Big shoota 1x Grot blasta 1x Mek speshul 1x Spiked wheels
Burna Boyz (60 Points) • 1x Spanner • 1x Big shoota 1x Close combat weapon • 4x Burna Boy • 4x Burna 4x Cuttin’ flames
Deff Dread (130 Points) • 2x Dread klaw 2x Dread klaw 1x Stompy feet
Deff Dread (130 Points) • 1x Big shoota 2x Dread klaw 1x Dread klaw 1x Stompy feet
Flash Gitz (95 Points) • 1x Ammo Runt • 1x Kaptin • 1x Choppa 1x Snazzgun • 4x Flash Git • 4x Choppa 4x Snazzgun
Flash Gitz (95 Points) • 1x Ammo Runt • 1x Kaptin • 1x Choppa 1x Snazzgun • 4x Flash Git • 4x Choppa 4x Snazzgun
Gorkanaut (280 Points) • 1x Deffstorm mega-shoota 1x Klaw of Gork 2x Rokkit launcha 1x Skorcha 2x Twin big shoota
Killa Kans (125 Points) • 3x Killa Kan • 3x Kan klaw 3x Kan shoota
Kustom Boosta-blasta (75 Points) • 1x Burna exhausts 1x Grot blasta 1x Rivet kannon 1x Spiked wheels
Meganobz (60 Points) • 2x Meganob • 2x Kustom shoota 2x Power klaw
Meganobz (60 Points) • 2x Meganob • 2x Kustom shoota 2x Power klaw
Meganobz (90 Points) • 3x Meganob • 3x Kustom shoota 3x Power klaw
Mekboy Workshop (80 Points)
Nobz (110 Points) • 1x Boss Nob • 1x Big choppa 1x Slugga • 4x Nob • 2x Big choppa 1x Close combat weapon 1x Kombi-weapon 1x Power klaw 3x Slugga
Warbikers (70 Points) • 1x Boss Nob on Warbike • 1x Close combat weapon 1x Twin dakkagun • 2x Warbiker • 2x Close combat weapon 2x Twin dakkagun
Exported with App Version: v1.10.1 (30), Data Version: v336

I've played with It and it's good, but i want to change something. What do you think?
Mozrog (2000 points)
Orks Strike Force (2000 points) Waaagh! Tribe
CHARACTERS
Beastboss (115 points) • 1x Beast Snagga klaw 1x Beastchoppa 1x Shoota • Enhancement: Supa-Cybork Body
Beastboss on Squigosaur (185 points) • 1x Beastchoppa 1x Slugga 1x Squigosaur’s jaws • Enhancement: Headwoppa’s Killchoppa
Boss Snikrot (85 points) • 1x Mork’s Teeth 1x Slugga
Mozrog Skragbad (195 points) • Warlord • 1x Big Chompa’s jaws 1x Gutrippa 1x Thump gun
Nob on Smasha Squig (60 points) • 1x Big choppa 1x Slugga 1x Smasha squig jaws
Warboss (65 points) • 1x Big choppa 1x Kombi-weapon 1x Twin slugga
Warboss (65 points) • 1x Big choppa 1x Kombi-weapon 1x Twin slugga
BATTLELINE
Beast Snagga Boyz (105 points) • 1x Beast Snagga Nob • 1x Power snappa 1x Slugga • 9x Beast Snagga Boy • 9x Choppa 9x Slugga
DEDICATED TRANSPORTS
Trukk (65 points) • 1x Big shoota 1x Spiked wheels 1x Wreckin’ ball
Trukk (65 points) • 1x Big shoota 1x Spiked wheels 1x Wreckin’ ball
Trukk (65 points) • 1x Big shoota 1x Spiked wheels 1x Wreckin’ ball
Trukk (65 points) • 1x Big shoota 1x Spiked wheels 1x Wreckin’ ball
OTHER DATASHEETS
Burna Boyz (60 points) • 1x Spanner • 1x Close combat weapon 1x Rokkit launcha • 4x Burna Boy • 4x Burna 4x Cuttin’ flames
Gretchin (40 points) • 1x Runtherd • 1x Grot-smacka 1x Slugga • 10x Gretchin • 10x Close combat weapon 10x Grot blasta
Kommandos (135 points) • 1x Bomb Squig 1x Distraction Grot • 1x Boss Nob • 1x Power klaw 1x Slugga • 9x Kommando • 1x Breacha ram 1x Burna 7x Choppa 1x Close combat weapon 7x Slugga
Nobz (220 points) • 1x Boss Nob • 1x Power klaw 1x Slugga • 9x Nob • 9x Power klaw 9x Slugga
Nobz (220 points) • 1x Boss Nob • 1x Power klaw 1x Slugga • 9x Nob • 9x Power klaw 9x Slugga
Squighog Boyz (125 points) • 1x Bomb Squig • 3x Squighog Boy • 3x Saddlegit weapons 3x Squighog jaws and saddlegits 3x Stikka
Stormboyz (65 points) • 1x Boss Nob • 1x Power klaw 1x Slugga • 4x Stormboy • 4x Choppa 4x Slugga

Wet Coast GT List
Ill be going to a 200 person tournament at the end of the month and was wondering about my lists weaknesses. I have 30 games under my belt with this list and I do very well. None of them have been in a tournament setting though.
I normally play fixed, get a very large lead on primary and shoot out anything that can get secondary.
Snikrot helps keep a lane open for me to advance my garg squigs up the board. If he survives then I hide him for later. The garg squigs with burbaboyz delete everything they make contact with. If the garg squig gets low I tend to suicide them hoping for a deadly demise.
The trukk is filled with meganobz and usually follow the deffkilla. It's a very tanky group that I don't care too much about. They are pretty much a distraction carnifex to take shots off my garg squigs. If they don't die then they hold objectives very well.
The shock attack guns are also units I don't care about. They are traps for assassinate as well as shooting out scoring units. I place them away from objectives and max their 60' range. They usually attract units away from objectives or they get free shooting on targets. Sometimes they get lucky and blow up a shadowsword.
Boss Snikrot [85pts]
Big Mek in Mega Armour [100pts]: Grot oiler, Kunnin’ But Brutal, Kustom force field, Kustom mega-blasta, Warlord
Big Mek with Shokk Attack Gun [75pts]: Grot assistant
Big Mek with Shokk Attack Gun [75pts]: Grot assistant
Big Mek with Shokk Attack Gun [75pts]: Grot assistant
Deffkilla Wartrike [95pts]: Supa-Cybork Body
Burna Boyz [180pts] . 12x Burna Boy: 12x Burna, 12x Cuttin’ flames . 3x Spanner w/ Rokkit launcha: 3x Close combat weapon, 3x Rokkit launcha
Burna Boyz [180pts] . 12x Burna Boy: 12x Burna, 12x Cuttin’ flames . 3x Spanner w/ Rokkit launcha: 3x Close combat weapon, 3x Rokkit launcha
Gretchin [40pts] . 10x Gretchin: 10x Close combat weapon, 10x Grot blasta . Runtherd
Meganobz [150pts] . 5x Meganob w/ Kombi-weapon and killsaw: 5x Killsaw, 5x Kombi-weapon
Gargantuan Squiggoth [440pts]: Supa-kannon Gargantuan Squiggoth [440pts]: Supa-kannon
Trukk [65pts]: Wreckin' ball
++ Total: [2,000pts] ++

Ill be going to a 200 person tournament at the end of the month and was wondering about my lists weaknesses. I have 30 games under my belt with this list and I do very well. None of them have been in a tournament setting though.
I normally play fixed, get a very large lead on primary and shoot out anything that can get secondary.
Snikrot helps keep a lane open for me to advance my garg squigs up the board. If he survives then I put him back in reserves for later. The garg squigs with burbaboyz delete everything they make contact with. If the garg squig gets low I tend to suicide them hoping for a deadly demise.
The trukk is filled with meganobz and usually follow the deffkilla. It's a very tanky group that I don't care too much about. They are pretty much a distraction carnifex to take shots off my garg squigs. If they don't die then they hold objectives very well.
The shock attack guns are also units I don't care about. They are traps for assassinate as well as shooting out scoring units. I place them away from objectives and max their 60' range. They usually attract units away from objectives or they get free shooting on targets. Sometimes they get lucky and blow up a shadowsword.
Boss Snikrot [85pts]
Big Mek in Mega Armour [100pts]: Grot oiler, Kunnin’ But Brutal, Kustom force field, Kustom mega-blasta, Warlord
Big Mek with Shokk Attack Gun [75pts]: Grot assistant
Big Mek with Shokk Attack Gun [75pts]: Grot assistant
Big Mek with Shokk Attack Gun [75pts]: Grot assistant
Deffkilla Wartrike [95pts]: Supa-Cybork Body
Burna Boyz [180pts] . 12x Burna Boy: 12x Burna, 12x Cuttin’ flames . 3x Spanner w/ Rokkit launcha: 3x Close combat weapon, 3x Rokkit launcha
Burna Boyz [180pts] . 12x Burna Boy: 12x Burna, 12x Cuttin’ flames . 3x Spanner w/ Rokkit launcha: 3x Close combat weapon, 3x Rokkit launcha
Gretchin [40pts] . 10x Gretchin: 10x Close combat weapon, 10x Grot blasta . Runtherd
Meganobz [150pts] . 5x Meganob w/ Kombi-weapon and killsaw: 5x Killsaw, 5x Kombi-weapon
Gargantuan Squiggoth [440pts]: Supa-kannon Gargantuan Squiggoth [440pts]: Supa-kannon
Trukk [65pts]: Wreckin' ball
++ Total: [2,000pts] ++