Sporting drug poems

• How old are you? What's your gender? Give us a general description of yourself.

1. Either agender and/or pangender. I’m also either asexual and/or pansexual. I live comfortably alone but have a decent number of friends that I maintain communications with. Onlookers seem to believe I am dating all of them (not all at once but individually depending on which one I am “closest” to), which I take to mean that I apply no distinction between a friend and a partner (which I can agree with), hence the asexual/pansexual duality. Not really sure what this has to do with typing but there's a description.

• Is there a medical diagnosis that may impact your mental stability somehow?
Yes.
• Describe your upbringing. Did it have any kind of religious or structured influence? How did you respond to it?
I had a whole paragraph here but I realised it was probably very NSFW so I've decided to remove this part.
• What do you do as a job or as a career (if you have one)? Do you like it? Why or why not?
I’m an engineer, a mix of both hardware and software. I like the work of my job, but I don’t care much for the job or career part of it. I don’t have any career ambitions and would rather just learn the skills that the work can provide me and then move on to becoming entirely self-sufficient and only working for myself. I don’t think it's the other people aspect I dislike here as such, more the lack of independence and control over how I spend my time. That said, it’s worth it to live on my own two feet away from disturbances in the house.
• If you had to spend an entire weekend by yourself, how would you feel? Would you feel lonely or refreshed?
I know I would be completely fine, as I do this regularly. I don’t think I feel lonely nor refreshed. I generally have plenty to do with my time and find ways to occupy myself, even if that involves doing nothing and resting. If I’m interested in someone's thoughts or feelings on a topic I will just message them without issue and I usually do this once or twice a day, but there are many occasions in which I will just be focused on doing my own thing and won’t have contacted anyone.
• What kinds of activities do you prefer? Do you like, and are you good at sports? Do you enjoy any other outdoor or indoor activities?
I do all kinds of activities, from reading to games to sports. I’m very good at sports and enjoy them, but I usually choose to stay inside over doing them. I think to an onlooker a lot of my activities could look more like work than fun, but I get fun out of them. You would be most likely to find me (or not) inside reading some kind of research paper or building a machine. If not that then you’d find me playing a single player RPG/sandbox style game and if not that then you’d probably find me meditating/introspecting. You’d probably only find me outside playing sports if I’d been asked to by a friend.
• How curious are you? Do you have more ideas then you can execute? What are your curiosities about? What are your ideas about - is it environmental or conceptual, and can you please elaborate?
Very curious. I research just about everything in depth and if I had free time I would research even more. It’s become something of an inside joke at work that I will come in and have some kind of new theory or discovery to share with the office about some random topic that has nothing to do with the last. I don’t think I have more ideas than I can execute, it's more that I have more ideas than I do execute. I’m actually not a very ambitious person despite my insatiable curiosity, so there are many occasions where I will do nothing at all. Aside from the theories I create from whatever information/topic I have been researching, most of the ideas I present to others are to do with having fun. I often create small games using the objects we have in our environment (like playing cards or checkers pieces) on the spot, improvising the rules as we go along DnD style. I actually was invited to play DnD once with a friend group but I was something of a nightmare of a player since I would come up with completely outlandish ideas that the DM couldn’t handle. I was never invited to a session again after that.
• Would you enjoy taking on a leadership position? Do you think you would be good at it? What would your leadership style be?
Being a leader isn’t tied to my self identity at all, but it does seem to be the impression other people get about me. I have been told several times that I would make a good cult leader (concerningly) and that I always seem to end up in charge of a situation. I don’t really do this on purpose but a lot of the time I am the only one who will speak up and start moving a group forward when we are in a situation that calls for it. I have been told that I am quite a diplomatic leader that makes sure people get along, have something to do and feel supported. That said, I personally don’t like telling people what they should value. I am of the belief that it is their own choice to decide that. I will however help people by telling them the actions they could take in line with those chosen values. I also think conflict is quite important and I will only try to keep the conflict civil without ending it until both parties are satisfied and have conveyed everything they wish to. This also includes conflict with me, I dislike “sweeping things under the rug”.
• Are you coordinated? Why do you feel as if you are or are not? Do you enjoy working with your hands in some form? Describe your activity?
I think I am. I often feel as though my entire body is under my control and I am very intune with any physical sensations. I fear being paralyzed or losing mental integrity. This is the reason I avoid dangerous and reckless behavior that could result in losing control of my mind or body. I will not partake in highly “extreme” sports such as free climbing and I will not consume any kind of drugs to an extent that it affects my mental state, including alcohol.
• Are you artistic? If yes, describe your art? If you are not particularly artistic but can appreciate art please likewise describe what forms of art you enjoy. Please explain your answer.
I’m not actually sure. I like writing stories and drawing, but I wouldn’t consider myself an artist. I am very interested in art and have been learning how to properly paint and create music on and off for a while now. I think it's probably similar to sports in the sense that I enjoy it but rarely choose it over another activity. I don’t really enjoy going to art museums, I find art to be subjective so interacting with it from such an objective standpoint disinterests me. A lot of my friends are artists and I support them in their endeavors.
• What's your opinion about the past, present, and future? How do you deal with them?
I don’t think about the past much unless I actively make myself do so to search for something there. I am very in tune with the present and am constantly looking out for dangers in my environment and observing people, but it's not my main way of thinking. I am almost always thinking about the future, both in terms of potential futures as well as what future I am aiming for. I have some trouble deciding on a future to aim for since all of the options seem so appealing and I don’t particularly want to close any of them off. There is a part of me that wishes I was immortal so that I could experience as much of everything as possible. This is probably also the part of me that likes stories and hearing the experiences of others since I get to understand a whole other world with its own futures in such a short amount of time.
• How do you act when others request your help to do something (anything)? If you would decide to help them, why would you do so?
I will help immediately. I’m not entirely sure why but I imagine it has something to do with me enjoying solving problems, whether that problem is mine or anothers. I have largely minimized my worldly connections and needs so I often appear to “go out of my way” to help others even if it appears like it's sacrificial to myself. I don’t find it sacrificial to myself at all. I don’t need anything to be comfortable, it’s all just building upon that initial comfort as a kind of “excess” or “abundance”. I could lose everything I own tomorrow and be absolutely fine. All of this to say, I don’t sacrifice myself for others, I just help them most likely because I enjoy it. I do not consider myself a “good” person for doing this, in fact I do not really believe in the concept of good or evil at all.
• Do you need logical consistency in your life?
I think the fact that I immediately thought both yes and no for this question points to me not needing it. I certainly try to be logically consistent, but it's not the end of the world if I’m not. I think it's more important to me that I not be in denial about it.
• How important is efficiency and productivity to you?
I do aim for efficiency but it’s not very important to me. While I do want to make the most of my time in this life, if I don’t feel like doing anything then I won’t. I’m comfortable with being unproductive and “lazy” for as long as I like.
• Do you control others, even if indirectly? How and why do you do that?
I think I’m indirectly controlling. I don’t use force to control people (at least not anymore), I’m more inclined to engineer the circumstances of a situation in a way that results in people choosing to move in one of the ways that I want them to. Nobody has told me I am controlling, nor do they seem to feel they are being controlled. I don’t really do this intentionally, it just ends up being the path that I go down based on the options I have available (perhaps I am being controlled by something as well?). I’m not sure why I do this but if I had to guess it would be to protect myself and others from being hurt, after all you can’t be hurt if the option isn’t even available.
• What are your hobbies? Why do you like them?
See activities. My topics of interest are usually to do with people, nature or technology.
• What is your learning style? What kind of learning environments do you struggle with most? Why do you like/struggle with these learning styles? Do you prefer classes involving memorization, logic, creativity, or your physical senses?
I teach myself things. I always seem to find teachers/tutors intellectually suffocating. Outside of that I take any form of information possible.
• How good are you at strategizing? Do you easily break up projects into manageable tasks? Or do you have a tendency to wing projects and improvise as you go?
I break tasks down instinctively. I do like to plan out the whole project before I start but I have no problem deviating from the plan and improvising if I think of something I like the sound of more. This usually results in the finished project looking very different from the plan and taking longer than it could have.
• What are your aspirations in life, professionally and personally?
None really. I’m content with just existing. However, in terms of what I choose to pursue it would be perfection in all fields, having all knowledge and having experienced everything, as well as transmitting this perfection to everyone else so that they stand beside me. More realistically, I’m trying to buy some land and build a community so that as many people are under my direct protection and responsibility as possible. The world has many powerful people that are looking to exploit the innocent solely for their own gain. I’m not expecting a utopia but I would hope it would be more comfortable for people to live in than the insecurity of greater society. It’s nice to think of spending the rest of my days with this small community.
• What are your fears? What makes you uncomfortable? What do you hate? Why?
As mentioned earlier, I fear losing autonomy of my body and mind. I think I would still be comfortable in this state as I would get used to it but I actively avoid it coming to pass. I don’t think I hate anything, I don’t think in black and white. I’m not even sure I think in shades of gray, it seems more like the whole spectrum of color to me. I mentioned I don’t really believe in good or evil. In the event that someone is judged as evil by the world I can easily look at them and find just as many things people would find good. Does this make me endlessly accommodating of the actions of others? Certainly not. It’s just a matter of managing a conflict of interests, which is not something I struggle with.
• What do the "highs" in your life look like?
I can’t really think of anything that would fit a “high”. I think the closest thing would be my family and my friends. I’m not sure why they are what comes to mind. I mentioned before that I would be comfortable with losing everything I own since I have discarded worldly attachment, but for some reason when I think of losing people it's not such an easy answer.
• What do the "lows" in your life look like?
There was a time just after I had graduated high school and before I had moved out that I was highly depressed. I lacked any kind of purpose or direction in life and thought that I should have it. I also felt immense guilt over the harm I had caused throughout my school life. I believed that I should hide myself away from all life so that I never had the choice to take those actions again. It took me over a year living in this state to finally pull myself out of it. I discarded my need for a purpose or a direction and I discarded the need to be forgiven for the past so that I could live a new life. I discarded any other need that I could find as it is when a need is unmet that you enter a victim mindset, which is a mindset that I really want to avoid in me.
• How attached are you to reality? Do you daydream often, or do you pay attention to what's around you? If you do daydream, are you aware of your surroundings while you do so?
I’m not attached to reality at all. I daydream very often but I do pay close attention to my surroundings while I do so. I think having extremely sensitive senses helps with this. I have quite a vibrant and detailed imaginary world.
• Imagine you are alone in a blank, empty room. There is nothing for you to do and no one to talk to. What do you think about?
I would think about the same things I do as I fall asleep. In other words, I’d just daydream about hypotheticals and the future. Possibly not the future in this case as there might not be one but I imagine I’d be able to entertain myself endlessly in my head.
• How long do you take to make an important decision? And do you change your mind once you've made it?
I think of myself as having 3 decision makers. My rational mind, my sensory body/gut and my emotional heart. If all 3 are in agreement, I am able to make a decision very quickly. If 2 are in agreement, I will take longer to weigh up the options before I choose as often they will end up in agreement after I have thought it through. I will do the same if none are in agreement. In the event that they still can’t come to a unanimous decision I will flip a coin or roll a dice and go with the option that picks. I do this no matter how “important” the decision is.
• How long do you take to process your emotions? How important are emotions in your life?
Apparently I don’t feel emotions in the way other people do (at least according to the people I’ve spoken to about this). I tend to recognise emotions through the bodily sensations they apply to my body, for example, I can tell if I'm angry by my body feeling hot and my jaw feeling tense. With reference to my 3 decision makers, this means I can only figure out what my heart is telling me by going through my body. In chaotic or highly sensory situations where there is not enough time or space to recognise what I am feeling, it’s as though I am not feeling any emotion at all. I tend to think they are just as important as the other 2 decision makers when deciding things, as emotions are the basis for deciding what you value. If you don’t know what you value, you can’t determine what the best actions are for you to take according to those values, which results in nihilism. I think people would be surprised to learn that I consider emotions important. I have an almost entirely inexpressive face and a monotone voice which has resulted in me being called a robot quite often. In the times that I do have an expression, it is usually fake and done to make the other person feel more comfortable.
• Do you ever catch yourself agreeing with others just to appease them and keep the conversation going? How often? Why?
No. If I want to keep the conversation going then I will intentionally disagree with them to see how far they can take their opinion and understand it better. If I disagree with someone, I will inform them of my perspective. I do not wish for them to agree with me to “appease” me, although I will understand if they make that choice. I want them to inform me of their whole perspective so that I can understand it. If they can convince me after all this, then I will truly agree with them. This is not always the case though, I can imagine times that I would pretend to agree with someone, but it would have to be “worth” it.
• Do you break rules often? Do you think authority should be challenged, or that they know better? If you do break rules, why?
I don’t think rules are set in stone. If I disagree with a rule and there are no meaningful consequences, then the rule may as well not exist for me. I make no comments on others' takes on that. I will challenge authority any time I want to. Whether or not they “should” be challenged depends on what you value in an authority, but for my case the answer is yes they should be. In the event I am an authority I would want to be challenged, it would be both an opportunity to test my ability as well as to exchange information with people.

NSFW Warning
I truly don't know what to do anymore, I'm completely lost.
I'm a 20 year old male with autism and possible OCD.
There are many things I want to talk about so this is going to be really long and unorganised.
From age 18 up until last year, I viewed and masturbated to CSAM, and the way I went about getting hold of it is equally bad, if not worse. I cannot express in words the shame and remorse I feel for this.
I know most of you hate me now and I don't blame you, and I guarantee you I hate myself more for it.
The most confusing part about it is I don't find children attractive, there's no groinal response, urges, desires, arousal, nothing. I don't even take a second glance or stare, the only thing I have is intrusive thoughts. Recently I was sat in the corner of a crowded bus, and since there was nowhere else to sit, three boys, none of which could have been older than 13 sat by me, one next to me, and the other two across from me, to which I felt nothing of that nature whatsoever.
My instincts when I've been around children in recent times is purely parental and protective.
I'd never hurt a child, especially in that way, I'd slit my wrists or set myself on fire before I did that, I might just slit my wrists anyway.
I'd run into a burning building, I'd run out onto a busy road, I'd give my life to save a child's life.
I don't go out of my way to be around children, I find them for the most part irritating, I don't hate them though. Throughout my entire life I preferred the company of adults. I even live across from a playground ffs.
I'm scarred for life by some of the things I saw in those images and videos, how the hell could someone do something like that?! I want to climb through the screen and protect those kids, give them a hug and let them know nothing can hurt them anymore.
I stumbled across an image hosting site when I was 16 whilst trying to find material involving my peers again, and the site hosted lots of cropped images of teens on webcams and older kids on webcams (it was obvious what they were doing), and on the page for the accounts, it usually displayed an email where stuff could be traded, but I didn't pursue that until 2 years later.
I went about acquiring it through sending old images and videos of myself, and in a lot worse way as well.
Starting from 14 up until last year, I very occasionally placed my phone in the bathroom and filmed my friends urinating, this happened definitely less than ten times, and most of them I deleted from everywhere, but I kept one and a screenshot of a few others, I started posting these images, as well as my own nudes, on an old reddit account which was deleted not long after, I made sure to hide their identities while doing this, I enjoyed the attention and compliments I would get, and I loved bigging up my friends and seeing them get compliments.
Then I used this content to acquire the bad stuff years later, including the stuff of me.
I had an Idea that this was considered wrong but I didn't understand how it could have been harmful.
This happened to less than 5 friends, all the content I had I have long since deleted and wiped any access to, and I have no intention to do this again, but the main issue is the fact that copies could have been made of it, and I accidentally sent the uncropped video once. There's the possibility none of this stuff is out there, but it's still vile and repulsive.
One of them was my closest friend, who I had known basically all my life, I broke down to him and told him what I had done and what I believe does me to this awful, reprehensible place, and you know what he did? He told me he forgave me and that some video possibly being out there doesn't phase him and his life isn't ruined at all and it will go on either way.
But he understandably said we can't see each other anymore, that he still loves me, believes I'm a good person and wants me to live a good life and make the world a better place, which was a dream of ours.
It's extra difficult because we were so close, we had experienced so much together, held all the same interests and beliefs, and I loved him only like family could, so the fact I committed this vile act of betrayal rids me with so much shame, and deservedly so. In a way I find it harder to get through because I didn't understand the true consequences of my actions and how this could have affected him and others, it would be less confusing and easier to accept I'm just the lowest form of humanity that way.
I displayed other problematic behaviours from a young age, all to do with boundary issues, I sometimes used to touch my friends when I was 12 but never their actual genitals, and I used to jokingly show my erection to people as well.
The only constant that I knew for certain is wrong is genuine rape and molestation, which is a line I know for certain I could never cross, and never will.
From a very young age (around 3 or 4) my mother would do very inappropriate party tricks around me with her friends late at night when they were drinking, her friends would call me sexy, and as I got older and hit puberty, she started making comments about my bulge and other things despite the fact I hated it and told her so.
When I was 7 I was groomed and molested by an 8 year old boy, I wanted him to help me pass a level on my DS game and he said he'll do it if I have sex with him, me being 7 I didn't understand what that was and with him being older I complied. We were naked during this, he fondled my genitals and got me to do the same to him, he inserted his fingers into my anus as well.
When I was 10, two of my close friends groomed me, they simulated blowjobs on each other and got me to do the same to them.
When I was 11, my 12 year old friend groomed and molested me despite me protesting, he got me to get in my bed with him and he rubbed up against me. Earlier that day he also got me to sit in his lap whilst cuddling me from behind, we were wearing underwear.
When I was 13, that same friend when he was nearly 14 and another friend who was already 14 groomed and molested me in my pool again, I had an erection in the pool and jokingly showed one of them it, and it escalated from there. They both got naked and got me to do so, I protested but eventually gave in to the pressure, they also showed each other their genitals and got me to do the same, later that boy got me to sit in his lap again whilst the older boy rubbed up against me.
There was also just the normal experimenting stuff, one of my friends used to show me his erections and I would do the same.
All of my friends were going through puberty and their bodies were changing and so was mine, which I found incredibly fascinating and arousing, and I had seen most of my friends genitals and some other students genitals throughout growing up, so me being young and autistic, I became very curious.
Kids before finishing Elementary/Primary School were swearing and talking about sex, then as I got older (11) kids were drinking, smoking, doing drugs, talking about masturbation habits and apparently having genuine sex. Then by the time I was 13, there was a lot of students taking nudes, nudes being spread around school and nudes being leaked (including mine, which distressed me for a few days, but only because people knew they were mine, if they were spread around but they didn't know it was me, I wouldn't have cared), kids with condoms and other stuff etc.
I started watching non-pornographic sexual content online (sex scenes from movies, TV shows, games etc) at age 9 which I would genuinely get an erection from watching.
At age 10 I hit puberty (testicles largened) and I started masturbating to non pornographic stuff. Including videos of animals mating. I also tried to find stuff involving my peers and found a fake video of stuff suggestive of that.
At 11 I started to grow pubic hair and had my first ejaculations, as well as discover porn, and I had my first crush which was on a 12 year old boy who was another friend, who I would masturbate to. This crush lasted a number of years, but he was straight so it couldn't go anywhere. This was also the age I started taking nudes and videos of me masturbating.
At 12 I started to grow underarm har and facial hair began to appear on my upper lip, I was watching porn very heavily at this point.
At 13 my voice had broken and I was nearly my full adult height, this was also the age I first masturbated to a non-sexual nude image of a child. As well as videos of stuff like naturism and videos of circumcision (I don't have a pain or gore fetish, I would just blank it out and focus on the genitals.)
By 14 I was my full adult height, I had adult sized ejacualtions and my penis had fully grown. And that is when I started posting my nudes online. To which I would have sexual conversations with adults, not knowing I was setting myself up to be groomed and have something normalised in my head which shouldn't be.
By 15 I was growing facial hair, as well as chest and abdominal hair. And I found a shotacon involving a boy my age having sex with an adult woman, and I would pretend to be him.
At 17, a 19 year old flirted with me and got me into sending nudes to him, and he did the same, which I didn't see as bad and despite it being technically illegal, I still don't.
I also did the same when I was 19 with a 17 year old stranger online, but they were very willing and I didn't pressure them, no personal info was shared between us.
I also messaged a 15 and 14 year old at some point but stopped myself from letting it go any further. And cut them off before anything could be shared.
And when I started watching the CSAM, it was mostly teens 9n webcams that I watched, I was lured into thinking that this content isn't kids being assaulted or anything (which it is) and due to my experiences twisting my view, I thought kids were enjoying it (which they weren't) since I would have had enjoyed it at that age (which I wouldn't have) it wasn't until I saw unmistakable suffering which is when I stopped and vowed to never go there again. It was mostly stuff involving boys, the stuff involving girls I just found too revolting. I wanted to relive those experiences, go back to a time I was happier. It felt safe and comforting.
All of these experiencs warped my views and understanding of things, desensitised me and made me believe things were ok that weren't and that kids aren't as innocent as they are seen to be (which they are). I have never commited rape or an act of molestation and never will, these are acts I've always seen as vile and disgusting.
I've suffered with mental health issues for a long time as well.
I've struggled with feelings of self-hatred and worthlessness since around 9 or 10.
I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety at 13, I've been self harming and suicidal since 15, I've also been attempting suicide since 15.
I've always felt like the odd one out, I always felt like I was the worst at everything, I was the one who was left out of games at school, the one who was always picked last in sports.
I was bullied a lot growing up, by students and occasionally teachers alike.
My mother is narcissistic and has been emotionally and occasionally physically abusive to me since I was 14 (telling me she hates me and that everyone else hates me, tells me how horrible I am, tells me that I should kill myself and do everyone a favour, threatened to stab me in my sleep, hit me on the occasion, bit me, threw things at me, including heavy things and glass, strangled me).
I truly don't know what to do anymore, I'm completely lost.
I'm a 20 year old male with autism and possible OCD.
There are many things I want to talk about so this is going to be really long and unorganised.
From age 18 up until last year, I viewed and masturbated to CSAM, and the way I went about getting hold of it is equally bad, if not worse. I cannot express in words the shame and remorse I feel for this.
I know most of you hate me now and I don't blame you, and I guarantee you I hate myself more for it.
The most confusing part about it is I don't find children attractive, there's no groinal response, urges, desires, arousal, nothing. I don't even take a second glance or stare, the only thing I have is intrusive thoughts. Recently I was sat in the corner of a crowded bus, and since there was nowhere else to sit, three boys, none of which could have been older than 13 sat by me, one next to me, and the other two across from me, to which I felt nothing of that nature whatsoever.
I'm sexually attracted to males 20 and over, and I'm romantically and sexually attracted to females 20 and over, I wouldn't even date an 18 or 19 year old.
My instincts when I've been around children in recent times is purely parental and protective.
I'd never hurt a child, especially in that way, I'd slit my wrists or set myself on fire before I did that, I might just slit my wrists anyway.
I'd run into a burning building, I'd run out onto a busy road, I'd give my life to save a child's life.
I don't go out of my way to be around children, I find them for the most part irritating, I don't hate them though. Throughout my entire life I preferred the company of adults. I even live across from a playground ffs.
I'm scarred for life by some of the things I saw in those images and videos, how the hell could someone do something like that?! I want to climb through the screen and protect those kids, give them a hug and let them know nothing can hurt them anymore.
I stumbled across an image hosting site when I was 16 whilst trying to find material involving my peers again, and the site hosted lots of cropped images of teens on webcams and older kids on webcams (it was obvious what they were doing), and on the page for the accounts, it usually displayed an email where stuff could be traded, but I didn't pursue that until 2 years later.
I went about acquiring it through sending old images and videos of myself, and in a lot worse way as well.
Starting from 14 up until last year, I very occasionally placed my phone in the bathroom and filmed my friends urinating, this happened definitely less than ten times, and most of them I deleted from everywhere, but I kept one and a screenshot of a few others, I started posting these images, as well as my own nudes, on an old reddit account which was deleted not long after, I made sure to hide their identities while doing this, I enjoyed the attention and compliments I would get, and I loved bigging up my friends and seeing them get compliments.
Then I used this content to acquire the bad stuff years later, including the stuff of me.
I had an Idea that this was considered wrong but I didn't understand how it could have been harmful.
This happened to less than 5 friends, all the content I had I have long since deleted and wiped any access to, and I have no intention to do this again, but the main issue is the fact that copies could have been made of it, and I accidentally sent the uncropped video once. There's the possibility none of this stuff is out there, but it's still vile and repulsive.
One of them was my closest friend, who I had known basically all my life, I broke down to him and told him what I had done and what I believe does me to this awful, reprehensible place, and you know what he did? He told me he forgave me and that some video possibly being out there doesn't phase him and his life isn't ruined at all and it will go on either way.
But he understandably said we can't see each other anymore, that he still loves me, believes I'm a good person and wants me to live a good life and make the world a better place, which was a dream of ours.
It's extra difficult because we were so close, we had experienced so much together, held all the same interests and beliefs, and I loved him only like family could, so the fact I committed this vile act of betrayal rids me with so much shame, and deservedly so. In a way I find it harder to get through because I didn't understand the true consequences of my actions and how this could have affected him and others, it would be less confusing and easier to accept I'm just the lowest form of humanity that way.
The other two friends I stopped communicating with, I wiped the account wiped the content from all areas they were stored on, deleted what they were stored, everything, and there is a possibility it's not out their at all.
I displayed other problematic behaviours from a young age, all to do with boundary issues, I sometimes used to touch my friends when I was 12 but never their actual genitals, and I used to jokingly show my erection to people as well.
The only constant that I knew for certain is wrong is genuine rape and molestation, which is a line I know for certain I could never cross, and never will.
From a very young age (around 3 or 4) my mother would do very inappropriate party tricks around me with her friends late at night when they were drinking, her friends would call me sexy, and as I got older and hit puberty, she started making comments about my bulge and other things despite the fact I hated it and told her so.
When I was 7 I was groomed and molested by an 8 year old boy, I wanted him to help me pass a level on my DS game and he said he'll do it if I have sex with him, me being 7 I didn't understand what that was and with him being older I complied. We were naked during this, he fondled my genitals and got me to do the same to him, he inserted his fingers into my anus as well.
When I was 10, two of my close friends groomed me, they simulated blowjobs on each other and got me to do the same to them.
When I was 11, my 12 year old friend groomed and molested me despite me protesting, he got me to get in my bed with him and he rubbed up against me. Earlier that day he also got me to sit in his lap whilst cuddling me from behind, we were wearing underwear.
When I was 13, that same friend when he was nearly 14 and another friend who was already 14 groomed and molested me in my pool again, I had an erection in the pool and jokingly showed one of them it, and it escalated from there. They both got naked and got me to do so, I protested but eventually gave in to the pressure, they also showed each other their genitals and got me to do the same, later that boy got me to sit in his lap again whilst the older boy rubbed up against me.
There was also just the normal experimenting stuff, one of my friends used to show me his erections and I would do the same.
All of my friends were going through puberty and their bodies were changing and so was mine, which I found incredibly fascinating and arousing, and I had seen most of my friends genitals and some other students genitals throughout growing up, so me being young and autistic, I became very curious.
Kids before finishing Elementary/Primary School were swearing and talking about sex, then as I got older (11) kids were drinking, smoking, doing drugs, talking about masturbation habits and apparently having genuine sex. Then by the time I was 13, there was a lot of students taking nudes, nudes being spread around school and nudes being leaked (including mine, which distressed me for a few days, but only because people knew they were mine, if they were spread around but they didn't know it was me, I wouldn't have cared), kids with condoms and other stuff etc.
I started watching non-pornographic sexual content online (sex scenes from movies, TV shows, games etc) at age 9 which I would genuinely get an erection from watching.
At age 10 I hit puberty (testicles largened) and I started masturbating to non pornographic stuff. Including videos of animals mating. I also tried to find stuff involving my peers and found a fake video of stuff suggestive of that.
At 11 I started to grow pubic hair and had my first ejaculations, as well as discover porn, there was also an image I masturbated to which depicted a boy of my age giving oral to a man, and I had my first crush which was on a 12 year old boy who was another friend, who I would masturbate to. This crush lasted a number of years, but he was straight so it couldn't go anywhere. This was also the age I started taking nudes and videos of me masturbating.
At 12 I started to grow underarm har and facial hair began to appear on my upper lip, I was watching porn very heavily at this point.
At 13 my voice had broken and I was nearly my full adult height, this was also the age I first masturbated to a non-sexual nude image of a child. As well as videos of stuff like naturism and videos of circumcision (I don't have a pain or gore fetish, I would just blank it out and focus on the genitals.)
By 14 I was my full adult height, I had adult sized ejacualtions and my penis had fully grown. And that is when I started posting my nudes online. To which I would have sexual conversations with adults, not knowing I was setting myself up to be groomed and have something normalised in my head which shouldn't be.
By 15 I was growing facial hair, as well as chest and abdominal hair. And I found a shotacon involving a boy my age having sex with an adult woman, and I would pretend to be him.
At 17, a 19 year old flirted with me and got me into sending nudes to him, and he did the same, which I didn't see as bad and despite it being technically illegal, I still don't.
I also did the same when I was 19 with a 17 year old stranger online, but they were very willing and I didn't pressure them, no personal info was shared between us.
I also messaged a 15 and 14 year old at some point but stopped myself from letting it go any further. And cut them off before anything could be shared, or any messages could be exchanged for that matter.
And when I started watching the CSAM, it was mostly teens 9n webcams that I watched, I was lured into thinking that this content isn't kids being assaulted or anything (which it is) and due to my experiences twisting my view, I thought kids were enjoying it (which they weren't) since I would have had enjoyed it at that age (which I wouldn't have), it wasn't until I saw unmistakable suffering which is when I stopped and vowed to never go there again. It was mostly stuff involving boys, the stuff involving girls I just found too revolting. I wanted to relive those experiences, go back to a time I was happier. It felt safe and comforting. It was relatable.
All of these experiencs warped my views and understanding of things, desensitised me and made me believe things were ok that weren't and that kids aren't as innocent as they are seen to be (which they are). I have never commited rape or an act of molestation and never will, these are acts I've always seen as vile and disgusting.
I've suffered with mental health issues for a long time as well.
I've struggled with feelings of self-hatred and worthlessness since around 9 or 10.
I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety at 13, I've been self harming and suicidal since 15, I've also been attempting suicide since 15.
I've always felt like the odd one out, I always felt like I was the worst at everything, I was the one who was left out of games at school, the one who was always picked last in sports.
I was bullied a lot growing up, by students and occasionally teachers alike, and even my boss at my first job.
My mother is a heavy drinker, narcissistic and has been emotionally and occasionally physically abusive to me since I was 14 (telling me she hates me and that everyone else hates me, tells me how horrible I am, tells me that I should kill myself and do everyone a favour, threatened to stab me in my sleep, hit me on the occasion, bit me, threw things at me, including heavy things and glass, strangled me). There was also manipulation tactics like gaslighting, she alienated me from others by telling her friends and family how awful I was. Pushed me into meltdowns and got me to lash out, to which she called the police and got me arrested and made me look like the bad one on multiple occasions.
My father was a drug addict who died when I was 14, I saw him less than ten times my whole life, he grew drugs in my room when I was an infant, my most distinct memory is him coming to my house very late one night when I was around 9 or 10 talking about demons and bad spirits.
Addiction runs in my family (my father's father is an equally heavy drinker, his mother is a drug addict who ran a brothel), so the addictive tendencies have been past down to me.
I probably was addicted to porn by 13, and had been feeding it for years without knowing it.
My adopted grandfather died when I was 4, and my adopted grandmother (which I lived with from birth) who was my guiding light, died less than a week before my dad did.
The only father figure I really had (who was an alcoholic but otherwise very good with me) was my mother's partner who she met when I was 6, and he died when I was 8.
I was also very close to my mother's best friend, who had been more of a mother to me than my actual one had been some time died when I was 17.
My mother had an abusive ex who stalked her and threatened to set fire to the house, who also left ranting letters and stood in the back garden at night, so we lived in fear of stuff like that for over a year from when I was 12 through 13.
She also had an abusive lodger who was an even heavier drinker than she is, so from when I was 14 through 16 I witnessed them physically fight, both get arrested and on a few occasions I had to defend her from him.
Many of my friends have betrayed me over the years (I know I'm one to talk) but when this started to happen I would have never dreamed of betraying anyone, personal stuff was shared about me which I trusted them with, there was a lot of bad talking about me without me knowing. My toe closest friend turned on me at age 12 and isolated me from my other friends, I blamed myself at the time which I why I moved schools at 13 since I thought I was just making everyone miserable.
I didn't get diagnosed with autism until I was q9 despite trying to get it since I was 12, it hurt knowing I had been paying my whole life for being different, feeling ashamed of who I am (and rightly so now really), wondering why what I said was offensive, why I didn't understandfulky why this was wrong, why I was so sensitive to jokes, why I took e everyhing literally, why I made impulsive and reckless decisions without understanding the consequences of them.
I was never considered attractive and was ridiculed for it (girls used to jokingly flirt with me to torment me at school). I'm 5'6, always have struggled with weight, hairline started receding at 16, eczema so my skin is always red, dry and flaky, really bad diastema and acid reflux which means it's really hard to make my breath smell nice and my teeth are very worn because of it. I have had sex with someone who was older than me and we were both consenting adults, and we were both very respectful of boundaries.
I was also desensitised to other things slide gore and violence, I played a lot of violent video games when I was a kid, my mother is really into controversial shock movies (she got me to watch Cannibal Holocaust with her when I was 11).
The worst part about all of this is the fact all my friends who I love would hate me if they knew about what I've done so, none of them would trust me anymore or respect me, which is what friendships are all about right? So in a way they feel strange, they feel fake.
I could never find a relationship or true love because nobody wants to date a serial sex offender.
I hate knowing the fact I'm a sex offender, it's eating me alive.
I'm not registered and there is no real proof of what I did, so I can't turn myself in or anything.
I want to do good in the world, I have so much love to give, but it feels wrong me helping people because it feels like there is a sinister undertone to everything I do.
I've always enjoyed being charitable, I love giving money to the homeless or putting change in a donations box.
I feel guilty whenever I feel hapoy since I don't deserve to be, the only things that I enjoy now are food and playing video games, it's the only job I get out of day to day life.
The only fate I deserve is being stabbed to death in prison or something.
All I want is to be loved and accepted despite my flaws and mistakes, but I never could be.
The only other person I've told is my mother, who has been supportive.
I've been on antidepressants since 18 and I'm trying to get therapy, but I'm not hoping or expecting anything good will happen from this. I've been in and out of therapy since I was 11.
I had dreams, I had aspirations, I wanted to change the world for the better, I wanted to have a son, not to hurt him, but so he doesn't end up like me, but I reliase that is not possible. I don't deserve to be around children.
I hate keeping secrets, but I have no choice but to keep this one.
I want to identify with good people, but I can't.
Every good thing I do is invalidated now.
I forgive everyone who has wronged me in anyway, since I'm worse than them.
I just pray I can go out doing good, doing the right thing.
I am no better than Jimmy Saville, Ian Watkins or any of them types of people.
If you want to motivate me to end it all, feel free.
If you have read through all of this, thank you.

It's my second poem in English (I'm French). I would really love your feedback and know what worked and what I need to improve. I'm looking forward for your feedback
At night I wake up crying, My voice is singing:
Hey diddle diddle, The Cat and the fiddle, The Cow jumped over the moon, The little Dog laughed to see such sport, And the Dish ran away with the Spoon
At night I wake up screaming, It’s the child still in me singing:
Hey Red Monster, The Cat and the fiddle, The Cow jumped over the moon, The little Dog laughed to see such sport, And the Dish ran away with the Spoon
At night, I wake up howling, I catch a glimpse of shadow In the mirror, bright red eyes.
Hey Red Monster, The Red Monster and the Little Boy, The Cow jumped over the moon, The little Dog laughed to see such sport, And the Dish ran away with the Spoon
At night I wake up crying, The Red Monster’s smell is horrible; As I flee into my imaginary haven: the Moon with the Spoon
Hey Red Monster, The Red Monster and the boy, The Red Monster jumped over the Little Boy, The Red Monster laughed to see such sport, And the Dish ran away with the Spoon
At night I wake up crying, Feeling the Red Monster’s love grip Twisting the song. I seek forgetness In the haven of the nursery rhyme.
I now know the Nightmare, memories flooding; Taste, smell, all my senses overwhelmed… The Red Monster everywhere, his two bright eyes!
Hey Red Monster, The Red Monster and the boy, The Red Monster jumped over the Little Boy, The Red Monster laughed to see such sport, And the Red Monster ran away with the Little Boy
my blog: https://deviantabstraction.com/2024/05/09/my-safe-place/
Critic 1: https://www.reddit.com/poetry_critics/comments/1crwka8/comment/l414ti0/ Critic 2: https://www.reddit.com/poetry_critics/comments/1crws4q/comment/l415gzp/

Should I (27M) leave my alcoholic baby daddy (36M)?
Hey everyone
I need some advice on what you would do in my position.
I met the father of my son about 3.5 years ago, we both were in the ‘party scene’ however him more than me as he is 9 years older so had a lot more time in it and more time to have bad habits stick if that makes sense. I’m now 27 and he’s 36. We met at 24 and 33.
He has a lot of bad habits, he is an alcoholic and addicted to drugs (weed and coke) and has a history of lying. He smokes weed every night (the weed I don’t really mind, he needs it to calm his overactive brain), drinks at least 500ml of scotch a night, and does half a gram of coke every week or second week. He also smokes cigarettes inside the bathroom which I find so gross. I know in a way I ‘signed up for this’ but I was genuinely hoping he might want to change. We haven’t slept in the same bed for over two years, he passes out on the lounge every single night. He also has a tendency to look up girls he knows as his wanking material after getting on it, lately it has been the same girl (this girl is the sisters of one of his mates wife, the last time it was a girl he used to work with). He knows I don’t like it but he continues to do it.
Now on the flip side, he’s my son’s father. He’s ambitious and very well off, he has paid off investments which means neither of us have to work if we don’t want to. He pays for a brand new sports car that I get to drive myself and my son around in on the daily while he drives my old hatchback. He says he loves me, he does act like it. He’s funny and we are both very attracted to each other.
We don’t have joint accounts though, and I do work a little bit and I find that most of my money goes towards buying him alcohol since he doesn’t like to leave the house much.
He doesn’t really help much around the house since he gets drunk every single night, but he does like to cook.
I guess I just don’t know what to do. Is this worth ending the relationship over? If we were to end, I would go back to a little room with my son at my mums place, would have to find a full time job to support him and myself which means I won’t get to see him as much. I’m sure he will want to take our son too which means I won’t get to be with him as often as I am now.
I also recently found out about him wanking over the girl this morning. But at the same time it doesn’t hurt as much as the first few times I found out. Does that mean I don’t love him? I find myself withholding affection majority of the time because I’m so upset and anxious and annoyed that he won’t stop drinking every single night amongst everything else.
Thanks for reading and I appreciate any answers. I guess I don’t really know what I’m looking for here. Just other perspectives, and if I should leave and give up being with my son 100% of the time?

LF:
Looking for shinies I'm missing (plus some extras at the bottom of the post), and willing to overtrade for the more rare ones:

• Shinies I need (75): (current progress: 1262/1337)
  • Cap Pikachu (1): Cap Pikachu
  • Johto (1): Wobbuffet (female)
  • Unown (16): B, E, F, I, K, L, M, N, P, R, T, V, W, Y, ?, !
  • Hoenn (1): Relicanth (female)
  • Sinnoh (4): Wormadam (any form), Arceus, Shaymin (normal, sky) (pending)
  • Unova (8): Simipour, Leavanny, Archeops, Gothorita, Frillish (male), Jellicent (male), Ferroseed, Accelgor
  • Kalos (17): Furfrou (normal, plus all 9 trims), Aromatisse (pending), Tyrunt, Pumpkaboo (average, large), Gourgeist (small, average, large)
  • Alola (10): Wimpod, Golisopod, Type: Null, Silvally, Minior (blue, violet), Celesteela, Kartana, Stakataka, Blacephalon
  • Galar (12): Blipbug, Dottler, Sizzlipede, Cursola, Dracozolt, Arctozolt, Arctovish, Regieleki, Regidrago, Galarian Corsola, Galarian Zapdos, Galarian Moltres
  • Paldea (5): Crocalor, Quaxwell, Gimmighoul, Gholdengo, Maushold (FO3)
  • Extras (9): Pikachu (male), Meowth, Centiskorch, Galarian Meowth, Kecleon, Wooloo, Lunatone, Gourgeist (Super), Tirtouga
• (non shiny) Pharaoh Furfrou trim -- Looking for self-caught and non location-spoofed.

​
--
FT:
Special stuff for trade:

• PoGO Diancie (poke ball) OT: AtoiZoi or custom ID: 449369 Self-caught in Pokemon GO research, still in Pokemon GO
• Shiny Unown A ✨ (premier ball) OT: AtoiZoi or custom ID: 449369 Self-caught in Pokemon GO raid, still in Pokemong GO
• Shiny Tapu Lele ✨ (Akala, cherish ball) OT: Akala ID: 181130 Claimed in USUM, touched, has been in Sword (no proof), vee4Phoenix -> me link
• Shiny Tapu Koko ✨ (premier ball) OT: AtoiZoi or custom ID: 449369 Self-caught in Pokemon GO raid, still in Pokemon GO
• Shiny Suicune ✨ (Movie '13, cherish ball) OT: GAMESTP ID: 01311 Claimed in Pokemon HGSS, touched, has been in Sword, simple WC screenshot as proof (no username/timestamp), Egamer20 -> me link
• Shiny Darkrai ✨ (premier ball) OT: blu ID: 267804 Caught in Pokemon GO raid (PoGO stamped), ScrewtaperBK -> Greenevers, Greenevers -> me link1 link2
• Shiny Mesprit ✨ (premier ball) OT: Fabio ID: 13838 Caught in Pokemon ORAS with SR, ZiR1402 -> me link
• Shiny Giratina ✨ (premier ball) OT: AtoiZoi or custom ID: 449369 Self-caught in Pokemon GO raid, still in Pokemon GO
• Shiny Type: Null ✨ (poke ball) OT: Yellow ID: 655069 Caught in Pokemon USUM with RNG on a CFW 3DS with Pcalc, TedDoesPokemon -> me link
• Shiny Amoonguss ✨ (cherish ball) OT: Baik Jongyoon (Korean) ID: 200809 self-redeemed in Pokemon Sword (wondercard proof available)
• Victini (cherish ball) OT: Victory ID: 220818 Claimed in Pokemon SWSH, unproofed, DigiDamian -> me link
• (non shiny) PoGO Mew (poke ball) OT: AtoiZoi ID: 449369 Self-caught in Pokemon GO, moved to HOME (PoGO stamped)
• SV Mew (poke ball ) OT: Reina ID: 834600 Self-claimed in Pokemon SV (WC proof available)
• (non shiny) PoGO Shaymin (poke ball) OT: AtoiZoi or custom ID: 449369 Self-caught in Pokemon GO, still in Pokemong GO
• (non shiny) PoGO Deoxys (premier ball) OT: AtoiZoi or custom ID: 449369 Self-caught in Pokemon GO, still in Pokemon GO
• PLA Enamorus (hisuian ultra ball) OT: NyanCat ID: 671078 Caught in PLA, Zopyros6 -> me link
• PoGO Galarian Moltres (master ball) OT: AtoiZoi or custom ID: 449369 Self-caught in Pokemon GO, still in Pokemon GO

More in my trade sheet.
​
PoGO shinies still in GO: sheet
Shinies already in HOME (mostly from trades):

• Delibird (luxury/premiepoke/heal ball) Reina 834600 Self-caught in Pokemon Violet in Mass Outbreaks (event)
• Alolan Meowth (great ball) Momo 066475 Caught in Pokemon GO, n0itamina -> me link
• Hisuian Arcanine (hisuian ultra ball) God 858286 Caught in PLA, ajisawesome8 -> me link
• Hisuian Voltorb (hisuian ultra ball) Domate 736694 Caught in PLA, DomstarX -> me link
• Hisuian Electrode (hisuian ultra ball) Domate 736694 Caught in PLA as a Hisuian Voltorb, and I evolved it to a Hisuian Electrode in PLA, DomstarX -> me link
• Chansey (poke ball) Door-kun 240269 Caught in Pokemon USUM as a Random Encounter, has been in Sword, funyarinpa00 -> me link
• Galarian Slowbro (dream ball) Holdmyweave 396948 Bred in Pokemon SWSH, DrugDealer6969 -> Greenevers, Greenevers -> me link1 link2
• Beautifly (male, wing ball) Jonathan 54835 Caught in PLA, chenj25 -> me link
• Nuzleaf (male, ultra ball) Rocket 999034 Caught in Pokemon GO as a Seedot, and I evolved it to a Nuzleaf in Sword, CanaryIntheSky -> me link
• Shroomish (great ball) Ender 299038 Caught in Pokemon GO, Katilinann -> me link
• Ninjask (ultra ball) Spider 435800 Caught in Pokemon GO, snomming -> Greenevers, Greenevers -> me link1 link2
• Spheal (premier ball) Fabio 13838 Caught in Pokemon ORAS in a Horde, ZiR1402 -> me link
• Luxio (male, love ball) Iñigo 643897 Bred in Pokemon SWSH, hp_zephyr -> me link
• Stunky (premier ball) Fabio 41243 Caught in Pokemon XY in Hordes, has been in Sword, ZiR1402 -> ScrewtaperBK, ScrewtaperBK -> me link1 link2
• Blitzle (ultra ball) Babas 824000 Caught in Pokemon GO, babasoten -> me link
• Zebstrika (premier ball) Fabio 41243 Caught in Pokemon XY in Friend Safari, ZiR1402 -> me link
• Boldore (premier ball) Fabio 41243 Caught in Pokemon XY in a Horde as a Roggenrola, and I evolved it to Boldore in Sword, ZiR1402 -> me link
• Gurdurr (premier ball) Sablepepper 962365 Caught in Pokemon GO, has been in Sword, Fatless_toast -> me link
• Conkeldurr (poke ball) Bottled Fish 867143 Caught in Pokemon GO as a Timburr, and I evolved it to a Gurdurr in Sword, and evolved to a Conkeldurr through tradeback in Sword, Fish_In_A_Bottle -> me, me -> Evthe420 -> me link1 link2
• Chandelure (luxury ball) Green 811929 Caught in Pokemon SWSH Event Den (not RNGed, hosted on pokemonmaxraids), ShaikhAndBake -> me link
• Braixen (ultra ball) Ender 299038 Caught in Pokemon GO as a Fennekin, and I evolved to a Braixen in Violet, Katilinann -> me link
• Rowlet (poke ball) Shine 734555 Bred in Pokemon SWSH, TheWorstf0u -> me link
• Decidueye (hisuian ultra ball) Domate 736694 Caught in PLA as a Dartrix, and I evolved it in Sword, DomstarX -> me link
• Litten (poke ball) Marco 444621 Bred in Pokemon SWSH, MaRcEsCeNt -> me, link
• Torracat (poke ball) Marcos 166416 Bred in Pokemon SWSH, MarcosInu -> me, link
• Incineroar (poke ball) Ash 862902 Bred in Pokemon SWSH, Arsenal019 -> ScrewtaperBK, ScrewtaperBK -> me link1 link2
• Runerigus (dusk ball) Ramune 427790 Caught in Pokemon SWSH in a Max Raid (hosted by OT's sister in RNGed den, hyper trained), platokie -> Evthe420, Evthe420 -> me link1 link2

More in my trade sheet.
​
Apriballs, ability patches, and gold bottle caps:

• Apriball stock: Fast: x0, Friend: x1, Lure: x0, Level: x0, Heavy: x1, Love: x1, Moon x1, Dream x1, Sport: x2, Safari: x3, Beast: x4
• Sweets stock: Ribbon: x3, Star: x6
• Ability Patch: x20, Gold Bottle Cap x21

This report aims to present an organized overview of community discussions, categorized by city for Morocco and by country for all other regions.
Morocco - City-Specific Discussions:

• Best Cafes to Work From: Casablanca
• Best Cheapest Restaurant: Marrakesh
• Part Time Job for Student: Casablanca
• Drug Seeking Topics: Casablanca
• Immigration to Europe: Tangier
• Religious Comments: Tetuan
• Mental Health: Casablanca
• Relationship Problems: Casablanca
• Career Selection: Rabat
• Investment Advices: Meknes
• Scam Advices (Crypto): Fes
• Purchase Advices: Casablanca
• Local Art Exhibitions: Rabat
• Best Street Food: Marrakesh
• Public Transport Tips: Fes
• Volunteer Opportunities: Agadir
• University Selection: Casablanca
• Local Music Events: Tangier
• Sports Activities: Oujda
• Beach Recommendations: Essaouira

Global - Country-Specific Discussions:

• Marriage Instructions: India
• Marriage Seeker: Somalia
• Tax Management: Canada
• Arrange an Itinerary for Me: USA
• Travel Tips: Italy
• Study In Morocco Information: Germany
• Language Learning Resources: Japan
• Job Opportunities: Australia
• Cultural Festivals: Brazil
• Health and Wellness: Sweden
• Startup Advice: Israel
• Environmental Initiatives: Norway
• Historical Sites to Visit: Palestine

Hi all,
This is my very first post and English is not my native language. Please forgive me for any errors.
I admit I don't really know what to expect from this post, creating mainly to let off steam.
It might be quite long haha. So me (24M) and my ex (24F) were together since we were 17.
So we have met in high school. We quickly decided to stay together despite studying in different cities. To be honest we never had a real argument during our 6 and a half years of relationship. Small arguments about boundaries that should not be crossed and which were resolved in a healthy way.
To give some context. My ex has an alcoholic mother and a father who more or less abandoned her at a young age but eventually came back. She also comes from a much more difficult economic background than me.
I am lucky to have a very united and supportive family. We also have no money problems and are there to help us in difficult times.
After a few months of dating, I very quickly integrated my ex into my family. We hosted all the parties at our house, my parents took her on trips with us, and I always did my best to help her in her life (picking her up from work, bringing her meals when she finished work, I took the train every weekend to see her in her city).
She always said that I was an excellent, even perfect boyfriend. I have always proven my loyalty and my love for her. She still seemed extremely happy with it and was a bit boastful about it haha. We ended up moving in together in 2022.
This is where we had our first real problems. Since she had no financial support from her parents, she had to work at the same time as her studies. She was naturally very tired physically and mentally. Personally, at that time I really didn't like my studies and I was very stressed because 1 year later I had to find my first job.
Our first arguments therefore revolved around personal investment in cleaning and maintaining the house. I was never really satisfied with her investment. We had a few arguments but we got there in the end. I naturally relaxed with my reduction in stress and I realized that I had a tendency to want to control my environment during my stressful periods. So I made an effort and things got better.
From summer 2023, we changed apartments and I had my first internship and then my first job. With a significant salary, I told her to stop working and focus on her studies (she repeated her year once because her work took up too much of her time).
So, I took care of everything and I gave her €400 per month so that she could continue to live a normal life. In September 2023, she started to go to her business school and I start to see some personality change.
For more context, I am a very introverted person. I have never smoked, never tried drugs, never gone to nightclubs and I drink very little. I spend my free time playing PC, role-playing games or playing sports. My ex was also very introverted, she loves reading at home while drinking coffee. She went out once every full moon to have a drink with her best friend.
But, once she arrived at her new school, she started going out more often, going to nightclubs (in 6 years she must have gone 3 times). She also started smoking an electronic cigarette.
The fateful moment was at the end of January 2024. As part of her studies, she had to go to Barcelona for 3 months. I was very happy for her knowing that we had already established a long-distance relationship (however, it was me who left and she stayed in our hometown).
The beginning went very well but she ended up joining a shared accommodation in February. From there, she started going out 3 or 4 times a week. She went out to a nightclub with roommates except the girls whom decided to go home and she decided to go only with the boys (I never met them and she only knew them for two weeks). I admit that I may be a little old-fashioned and I consider that the nightclub is necessarily a place of seduction (not that my ex wanted to seduce but she was inevitably going to be hit on). I didn't say anything about it but she quickly understood that I didn't like it. I told her that I wouldn't forbid her anything but I found that knowing me she could suspect that I wouldn't like it.
So we had a change that I found radical in her personality. She went out a lot more. Not to exonerate myself, but it was also a difficult time for me. Again for context, I usally give off the impression of someone who always knows what I do, what I want and who I am. However, during this period I was externally uncomfortable in my skin. I had problems in my job and I was overall very stressed and I had very little self-confidence (which had almost never happened in 6 years).
Coming back to my ex, I noticed this personality change and became increasingly dissatisfied with our call times, the amount of messages and generally the amount of attention she gave me. So we had a lot of disagreements over that. She told me that I was suffocating her, that I was too controlling (again I never told her that I didn't want her to go out or stop having a relation with one of her roommates (my instinct really told me that something was going on with one of her roommates but I didn't know who was the main actor in this potential flirtation).
She started lying to me about insignificant things (she ended up telling me that she was lying to me so I wouldn't get angry???) but I became more and more controlling. Big argument after an evening where she told me she was going home to sleep but I saw her in the club with the localisation of her phone. She offered me a break, I got really angry for the first time in our relationship. For me a break means a breakup (it may be stupid but with everything that was happening that's what seemed to happen to me).
After my outburst (no insults and barely raised my voice (I don't know how to get angry lol)), she came to join me to try to repair things (I was very happy). However, we argued for 8 days, sometimes things went well but it remained tense. Also I saw her staying on her phone every night when I went to bed. I found it too weird. I finally broke down and looked at her messages (first time in 6 years), I found exchanges between them. Nothing blatant but I personally find them flirting. At least she spoke to him the same way she spoke to me at the beginning of our relationship.
She ended up returning to Barcelona and we made small promises to improve the relationship. But once she got back to Barcelona she didn't answer me all day. I blamed her a bit for that and set a little trap for her (it's not good, I know). I told her that I didn't like this guy (I didn't tell her to cut contact (I've had already cut contact with girls that my ex didn't like)). And I told her not to talk to him about this discussion (she talked to him about it that same evening). I asked her if she had told him and she told me that she hadn't told him anything. So I told her “we’ll probably have to separate” and then she left and didn’t want to hear anything more. I told her right away that I loved her and that I didn't want to break up but that I didn't know what to do anymore given her behavior.
So we parted ways. I went back and forth between « I love you more than anything » and « I have to cut you out of my life to move forward ». She told me to leave her alone while she figured out what was happening while saying that in any case it was over. I couldn't leave her alone to think. I learned through a TikTok that she had kissed this famous roommate…. I also had to manage all the administrative formalities alone...
I did everything to heal in the healthiest way possible (sport, therapy, seeing my friends and family). I didn't fall into a band-aid relationship, I didn't fall into alcohol, parties or other palliatives.
It will now be a little over 2 months since we have been separated. I accepted it, I still love her even if her behavior disgusts me. And I find it hard not to blame her for not knowing how to help me during this period (even though she obviously tried even if it was never enough for me).
I admit I'm still a little lost. I still love her even if I don't necessarily want to get back with her. I returned to work, I continue to exercise but the lack of physical and emotional affection is a bit difficult. Having to start all over again seems so difficult to me, I admit that I don't like the culture of one-night stands. I want to get married and have children. I'm a little lost and don't really know what to expect from this post. If you have any advice, explanations for her behavior or need more details, don't hesitate.
Thank you.

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Dude ....
This hits really hard. My friend and I had grown apart when her drug addiction and alcoholism became too much to handle. We went from being as close as sisters to not talking for years. I didn't hate her or anything....but after a while i realized I couldn't help her....and she was dragging me down. So i focused on my life and left her up to God.
One day I got a call. She was pregnant and trying to get her bf at the time a job. I came out and was so happy to see she'd gotten clean, went back to school...not only did she get her GED but she even went to and graduated college! I was so proud of her. Things didn't work out with her and the bf, but they stayed amicable for the boy.
A year after her son was born I had a son of my own. She gave me a bunch of stuff he'd grown out of. We still didn't talk much but kept up on FB. I was so happy she finally got her life together for her son.
A few days ago her mother posted a pic of the lil guy in his soccer gear. I said "look at the little foot ball star!" In fact I've been thinking about entering my son into sports but with his autism i have to find the right place.
Then today I'm doing my morning potty scroll through my feed....and my friend's mom posted a memorial for her grandson! He was only 5! He died right before mother's day! Wtf.... just wtf....
Please anyone out there pray for my friend and her family. Please pray that she doesn't relapse from this. I feel like I'm not just mourning this little boy....but the happiness and peace he brought to her life...she had a hard life and deserves peace and happiness, only for it to be ripped out from under her.
I'm holding my son extra tight today...

Part 1: The Pogtopian Sports Commission(PSC), Pogtopian National Collegiate and University Athletics Association (PNCUAA), and Pogtopian Higher Education Commission (PCHED) announce the centennial season of the Pogtopian Collegiate and University Games. This season, all cities and provinces will each host venues for the games.
Part 2: Recently, Outskirts of the city of Wesoniakia, The Pogtopian Army spotted a Communista Rebloutionarios de Pogtopia (CRP) base. A firefight insued and the CRP personnel were took by surprise and 30 minutes later the clash ended with the leader of the group, Dimitri Romanov killed, the CRP becomes 2nd the group involved of the insurgency to collapse.
Part 3: In the island of Romanov, the Strategic Forces of Pogtopia launched it's first ICBM in 20 years, the Omega ICBM, the most powerful ICBM of Pogtopia, was detonated using 30% of it's payload. The SFP plans to conduct more launches.
Part 4: The Pogtopian Naval Forces captured 6 fishing boats containing PP1.9B worth of drugs. In the drug bust operation, 3 of the boats contain firearms, the suspects said that it's part of a sale to the terrorists. The drug bust was apart of former president Adrian Johnson war on drugs.

25F, BMI healthy range, no smoking, no drugs, low alcohol consumption. Physical job, good shape. Medications beclometasone (asthma), sertraline. North Europe.
EYES: For the past month I have had nonstop visual problems which feels like a migraine aura. My vision is grainy like TV static noise. If I look at a geometric pattern, it starts moving: if I stand on our geometric rug and look down, my feet disappear from my vision. If lighting changes, I see white and black spots and patches moving around. If I close my eyes, I also see patches moving, even flashing lights sometimes. I struggle to focus on looking at things, other thigns around the focus point start moving or then I have double vision. I have occasional pain behind my **left eye**, a feeling of pressure, sometimes tingling and goosebumbs in the eyesocket. One night red spots (petechiae) appeared around this eye.
VERTIGO/EARS: I have vertigo on and off. At worst I couldn't stand straight without swaying and even crawled on the floor cause everything was spinning. If I close my eyes and try to walk or stand on one leg, I fall down. (Normally I do sports that require good balance and am able to eg. go up and down a rope on one leg and jump onto obstacles and slide while downhill skiing.) I have tinnitus, mainly low noise like holding an ear against a seashell, sometimes periods of loud beeps. Once I lost hearing in my **left ear** for a period of time.
COGNITIVE: I forget things a lot and struggle to focus. I've always been absentminded but never this featherbrained. Before in my life I had never lost my bank card, and only once left the house while forgetting my keys inside. Now in a short period of time I have lost my bank card twice and keys twice and only got them back with the help of strangers. I have also felt just generally disorientated at times, asking stupid questions and misunderstanding what I'm told and just having very absurd thought chains that leave me acting like an idiot over something that could be done simply.
NUMBNESS: My legs, hands from elbow down, and mouth went numb last Saturday and still remain a little bit numb. I struggled walking, had to sit down a lot, and my grip wasn't as tight as normal. I felt lightheaded standing. I could speak and smile, though, and my face wasn't and never has been droopy. When I smile, though, the muscles on the left side of my mouth tense up unusually with wrinkles that used not to be there.
SWALLOWING: I struggle swallowing at times, threw up water once and just keep coughing at other times. (The petechiae I mentioned earlier happened after I threw up, so it could also be a result of that.)
EXHAUSTION: One day I was able to stay awake for just five hours (granted I was in the ER the past night for numbness), another night I slept for like fifteen hours. I am tired a lot, some days all I can do is lie in bed or sit on couch, other days I have to take more breaks and just go to bed right after work (if I've been even able to get to work.)
Tests so far: EKG normal. CBC normal. Blood pressure within normal range, a little elevated in one test but could have been just me worrying about not being able to stand at the time. Blood sugar and culture normal.
Tried so far: Headache does not respond to ibuprofen or paracetamol. I tried Epley manoeuvre for two weeks as a doctor suggested it, either that or rest from sick leave days might have improved the vertigo from "unable to stand without swaying" to "just annoying." Eye strain helps somewhat when I take off my glasses.
I feel like doctors aren't taking me seriously, even brought up my mental health history out of the bush like I'm imagining things even though I'm all gucci on that end. I get that my symptoms are unusual as a whole and they find it unlikely it's anything acute, but my life is so hellish with this shit, it's like flipping a coin if I'll be lying in bed all day with a headache and nausea and numbness and what not, or when I do drag my ass to work, if I gotta drag a chair around cause I struggle standing, and keep pushing myself to the end of the shift telling myself "just one more hour." It's also annoying I haven't seen properly for a month, even now writing this hurts my head. It's like they are hiding referrals like government secrets lol.
Background information: I have asthma and alfa-1-antitrypsin-deficiency (MZ alleles). I have also been on sertraline for years. (I did stop it last autumn when a doctor suggested it wasn't necessary anymore. I have family history of bipolar, and experienced a two week period of hypomania like symptoms after stopping. Soon after, a stressful life event triggered a depressive episode, which lasted for two months, but subsided as I started the medication again and got over the stressful life event. For the past four months I have had less stress than normally, I have been happy, I love my new work, I have friends, etc. When starting and ending sertraline I had mild side symptoms such as a feeling of vertigo for a second or two when moving my head quickly, but I would find it quite strange that a medication that has worked well for me for years would suddenly be behind all these strange symptoms that started about a month ago.)

Just want to post this here to warn those of how good scammers are getting these days.
For background information - Our son goes to college out of state and plays a sport
We just got a phone call in the middle of the night from some guy who was pretending to be a local sheriff in the college area our son is currently living. He said our kid had been arrested with some “non-athletes” and unlabeled prescription drugs were found and we needed to pay for a bond immediately for his release. My wife googled the phone number and it even traced back to the college’s police / jail phone number. He managed to have a lot of information about my son (I think due to the fact that his team and his overall information is regularly shown on tv).
Luckily my daughter (currently living with us) was able to read into it being a scam and myself as well after I began to ask more questions. He wanted us to pay for a bond using Apple Pay, google pay, Venmo, or Zelle which was the biggest red flag.
We managed to get our son to answer his phone and he was shocked at how crazy the situation was since he was at home in bed.
These scammers are getting out hand. They attack at the perfect time when we are at home in bed asleep hoping we will wake up groggy, barely listening, and pay them accordingly.
Gave us a good scare but I can assure our son is also safe in bed! Just thought I’d give out a warning to those with family members out of state.

For background information - Our son goes to college out of state and plays a sport
We just got a phone call in the middle of the night from some guy who was pretending to be a local sheriff in the college area our son is currently living. He said our kid had been arrested with some “non-athletes” and unlabeled prescription drugs were found and we needed to pay for a bond immediately for his release. My wife googled the phone number and it even traced back to the college’s police / jail phone number.
Luckily my daughter (currently living with us) was able to read into it being a scam and myself as well after I began to ask more questions. He wanted us to pay for a bond using Apple Pay, google pay, Venmo, or Zelle which was the biggest red flag.
We managed to get our son to answer his phone and he was shocked at how crazy the situation was.
These scammers are getting out hand. They attack at the perfect time when we are at home in bed asleep hoping we will wake up groggy, barely listening, and pay them accordingly.
Gave us a good scare but I can assure our son is also safe in bed! Just thought I’d give out a warning to those with family members out of state.

I cannot believe this is happening. The doctors are 'freaked out' and do not have experience with this type of psychosis / living nightmare...
About 1 year ago my son (14 at the time, now 15) started experiencing mild persecutory hallucinations (thinking people were talking about him or looking at him). He started pushing all of his friends out of his life and losing interest in all of his sports and hobbies. 4 months ago he started hearing voices. These voices quickly materialized as visual hallucinations in the form of animal/human chimera 'entities'. Out of nowhere, my son, who had no history of trauma or a single violent act, was being commanded to plan and execute a mass shooting.
We immediately started psychiatric treatment when he told us about the hallucinations and violent ideation. We had to pull him out of school because he couldn't hear class over the voices. He was diagnosed with 'depressive mood disorder and psychosis' and put on respiridone and hyroxyzine. These drugs did nothing to stop the delusions, but he gained about 20 pounds in one month. The structure of the delusion was becoming more defined. These 'entities' told him he was 'one of the chosen ones' and that his mission and purpose was to kill as many people as possible. What started as 2 'main' characters in his delusion had multiplied into a 'community' of demonic entities that both tormented him and helped him prepare to fulfil his 'destiny'.
Despite the bizarre violent hallucinations, his psychiatrist did not deem him an immediate threat to himself or others. He had no violent or criminal history and was always calm and composed.
Until last weekend.
I was contacted by law enforcement by phone. They informed me that he had sent threatening texts to his friends outlining his 'destiny' that the entities were preparing him for. I had 1 hour to get him to a psychiatric facility or they would come get him.
He is currently at an in-patient facility. Anti-psychotics do not seem to be working. The doctors do not know what to do. Even the very experienced doctors have never dealt with this type of presentation of psychosis. They do not have a clear plan for treatment and no one wants to be responsible for discharging him in case his delusional aspirations are realized. He is currently on 15 mg abilify with lexapro.
Have any of you ever seen or hear of anything like this? It is almost like demonic possession, but he always is very clear, calm, and composed. He is extremely articulate and intelligent, he doesn't present as 'crazy'. Zero history of drug use. No family history of schizophrenia or delusions. No childhood trauma. His upbringing has been 'idyllic', very loving family. No divorce. He is not religious or fanciful. This all came out of nowhere. It is almost like he is stuck in a dream or under a spell.
Words cannot describe how much this person means to me. I have always been so grateful to have such an incredible, kind person as my son. I have no idea when he will be released or if/when he will every get better. I am devastated.
Any meaningful comment, insight or idea would mean the world to me. I feel like Ive read every publication available to the public about adolescent psychosis, but I have no 'real world' information. Any treatment ideas or insight on what might be causing this are very appreciated, even if they seem outlandish. Im open to anything at this point. Thank you so much for reading.

[JUNE]
Week 1, June 2001
________________
[1.6 ROAD TO GREAT AMERICAN BASH!!] “EIGHT MAN MAYHEM”
[Hard Rock Cafe & Casino] The Championship Committee make Flair an offer
◆”WCW Niro” TV Show
Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in front of 1,586
Overall Rating 58
Kevin Nash and Booker T exchanged words to end the show
Booker T, Diamond Dallas Page, Rob Van Dam and Ric Flair beat Kevin Nash, Scott Steiner, Jeff Jarrett and Mike Awesome
Gene Okerlund spoke with Vampire and Goldberg
Dustin Rhodes beat Curt Hennig
Buff Bagwell beat Bam Bam Bagwell
Yoshihiro Tajiri & Sting beat Kanyon and Lex Luger
Sabu beat Jim Duggan
A confrontation between Sting, DDP, Lance Storm, Rena Mero and Mike Awesome
Sabu and Rob Van Dam were with their manager Bill Alfonso and Gene Okerlund
Bobby Henan and Kanyon addressed Lex Luger ahead of their match at Great American Bash
Vampire & Goldberg beat 3 Count (Evan Karagias & Shannon Moore)
Shane Helms, Lizmark Jr, Rey Misterio Jr, Super Crazy, Volador Jr beat Chavo Guerrero Jr, Damien 666, La Parka, Vilano V and Masato Tanaka
Lance Storm beat Hugh Morrus
The Championship Committee (Arn Anderson, Steamboat, Piper, Funk) and WCW President offer Ric Flair a spot on the Championship Committee. He turns it down to focus on his and Dustin Rhodes WCW Tag Title match at Great American Bash
[DARK] The Mamalukes beat Elix Skipper & Kid Romeo
◆Show Notes
Cash, Jamie Knoble, Big Vito and Johnny Ace were fined due to behavioural incidents.
Curt Hennig was injured in his match (out 16 days)
◆Business Notes
WCW Nitro was rated 0.11 with 82,885 viewers with 1,316,070 views overall.
◆Roster Changes
Jim Duggan was released from his contract, a cost of $103,200 to the 2001 budget
Johnny Ace was released from his contract at no cost to the budget
Jimmy Hart was released from his contract at no cost to the budget
Miss Jones was released from his contract at no cost to the budget
Ernest Miller was released from his contract, a cost of $78,600 to the 2001 budget
Don Callis has agreed a one year per show handshake deal with no downside.
Dory Funk Jr has agreed an ongoing per show handshake deal with no downside.
Harley Race has a greed an ongoing per show handshake deal with no downside.
Fit Finlay has agreed a one year per show handshake deal with no downside.
Larry Zbyszko has agreed an ongoing per show handshake deal with no downside.
Scott Hudson was released from his contract at no cost to the budget
Week 2, June 2001
________________
[7.6 ROAD TO GREAT AMERICAN BASH!!] “WHOSE NEXT?”
[Hard Rock Cafe & Casino] The final stop before the Bash
◆”WCW Niro” TV Show
Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in front of 1,601
Overall Rating 61
Goldberg beat Masato Tanaka
Kevin Nash and Booker T discussed their World Title match at Great American Bash
Diamond Dallas Page and Sting Jeff Jarrett and Shane Douglas
La Park and Rey Misterio trash talked each other
Booker T, KroniK (Brian Adams and Bryan Clark), Rob Van Dam and Sabu beat Kanyon, Lex Luger, Buff Bagwell and The Steiner Brothers
Vampiro beat Big Vito
A video promoted Legacy (Ric Flair and Dustin Rhodes)
Fit Finlay beat Hugh Morrus
Jamie Noble beat Elix Skipper
Bobby Henan and his client Kanyon confronted Lex Luger
Kevin Nash beat EZ Money
Director of Talent Acquisition spoke with Stacey Keibler and her client Vilano V, Don Callis and his client Damien 666
Konnan, Billy Kidman, Rey Misterio Jr, Silver King and Tajiri beat Vilano V, Damien 666, Chavo Guerrero Jr, Lance Storm and Mike Awesome
There was an confrontation between Goldberg and Vampire and Shane Douglas and Jeff Jarrett.
Gene Okerlund is joined by Tajiri, James Mitchell and Buff Bagwell to discuss their Great American Bash match.
Goldberg is getting ready backstage
The show opened with Sabu/RVD and the Steiner Brothers fighting backstage.
[DARK] Alex Wright, Bam Bam Bigelow, Norman Smiley and Lash Leroux beat Mike Jindrak, Mike Sanders, Evan Karagais and Shannon Moore
[DARK] Super Crazy beat Sean O’Haire
◆Show Notes
Stevie Ray was fined for a behavioural incident.
◆[GREAT AMERICAN BASH]:”ALL MATCHES CONFIRMED!”
Booker T v Kevin Nash - WCW World Heavyweight Title
Diamond Dallas Page v Lance Storm
Sting v Mike Awesome
Jeff Jarrett & Shane Douglas v Goldberg & Vampiro
Dustin Rhodes & Ric Flair v Rob Van Dam & Sabu v Scott & Rick Steiner v Kronik - WCW Tag Team Titles
Buff Bagwell v Tajiri
Lex Luger v Kanyon
Shane Helms v Chavo Guerrero Jr v Billy Kidman v Super Crazy- WCW Cruiserweight Title
Rey Misterio Jr v La Parka
TV Title Battle Royal
◆Show Notes
WCW Nitro’s TV rating was 0.11 with 86,294 viewers with 1,377,515 viewers overall.
◆Roster Changes
Jeremy Borash was released from his contract at a cost of $33,600 to the 2001 budget.
Billy Gunn has agreed a six month per show agreement with no downside.
Steve Corino has agreed a one more handshake per show agreement with no downside.
[13.6 A NEW!] “WCW Great American Bash Live On Pay Per View”
[Oasis Hall, CA] Turn Up The Heat
◆”Big Bang” Pay Per View
Oasis Hall, CA with 8,633 in attendance
Overall Rating 63
Post Match Booker T and Nash shook hands.
Booker T beat Kevin Nash to retain the WCW World Heavyweight Title
Steiner Brothers beat Legacy (Flair and Dustin Rhodes), Rob Van Dam & Sabu and Kronik to become the new WCW World Tag Team Champions (fall at second defence)
Diamond Dallas Page beat Lance Storm
Gene Okerlund interviewed Ric Flair and Dustin Rhodes about the WCW Tag Team Title match tonight
Rey Misterio Jr and Kevin Nash bumped into each other backstage
Sting and Mike Awesome went to a double DQ
Sting was getting ready backstage
Vampiro & Goldberg beat Shane Douglas and Jeff Jarrett
DDP ran into Lance Storm backstage
Yoshiro Tajiri beat Buff Bagwell
Kevin Nash spoke about Booker T ahead of the main event
James Mitchell and his client Tajiri confronted Buff Bagwell ahead of their match
Rey Misterio Jr beat La Parka
Mike Tenay caught up with Booker T ahead of the Main Event.
Super Crazy beat Shane Helms, Billy Kidman and Chavo Guerrero Jr to become WCW Cruiserweight Champion
Kanyon beat Lex Luger
The Championship Committee (Arn Anderson, Ricky Steamboat, Terry Funk and Roddy Piper) with WCW President Eric Bischoff present Fit Finlay the Championship belt
30 Man Battle Royal for the TV Title: Fit Finlay wins, Masato Tanaka made the most eliminations with the final four being the debuting Steve Corino and Billy Gun alongside Konnan.
[DARK] Lash Leroux beat Kid Romeo
◆Show Notes
Yang and Hugh Morrus were fined due to behavioural incidents.
◆Business Notes
WCW Great American Bash had a buy rate of 0.10 (54,714 buys)
WCW Great American Bash was shown internationally with a TV rating of 0.11 (86,151 views) with 150,637 viewers overall.
Week 3, June 2001
________________
[21.6 WCW LIVES ON!] “THE FALL OUT FROM LAST NIGHT”
[Hard Rock Cafe & Casino] Tag Main Event
◆”WCW Niro” TV Show
Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in front of 1,791
Overall Rating 60
Kevin Nash and Goldberg carried on their disagreement
Steve Corino and Jeff Jarrett beat Goldberg and Kevin Nash after a miscommunication from Goldberg and Nash
Bobby Heenan with Kanyon confronted WCW World Champion Booker T.
Booker T, Sting, Diamond Dallas Page, Vampiro beat Kanyon, Shane Douglas, Lance Storm and Mike Awesome by DQ
Billy Gunn beat Bryan Clark
Rey Misterio beat Rick Steiner
Rob Van Dam & Sabu beat Buff Bagwell & Lex Luger
Fit Finlay beat Alex Wright to retain the WCW World TV Title (first defence)
Team Canada (Mike Awesome & Lance Storm) and Sting, Diamond Dallas Page have an in ring confrontation.
Goldberg is walking backstage
Vampiro cuts a promo on Curt Hennig
Ric Flair beat Vilano V
Yoshihiro Tajiri beat Terry Funk
Ric Flair discusses his match with Vilano V
Championship Committee members Terry Funk and Roddy Piper are confronted by Tajiri and his manager James Mitchell
[DARK] Scott Steiner beat Dustin Rhodes
◆Business Notes
WCW Nitro’s TV rating was 0.11 (87,155 viewers) with 1,375,028 overall.
◆Bash at the Beach ~CARD SO FAR
Booker T v Kanyon - WCW World Heavyweight Title
Goldberg v Kevin Nash
Vampiro v Curt Hennig
Lance Storm v Sting
Diamond Dallas Page v Mike Awesome
Week 4, June 2001
________________
[28.6 WCW LIVES ON!] “STEINER AND RHODES DO BATTLE”
[Hard Rock Cafe & Casino] More matches are made for the Bash at the Beach
◆”WCW Niro” TV Show
Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in front of 1,761
Overal Rating 60
Scott Steiner beat Dustin Rhodes
Diamond Dallas Page beat Booker T and Masato Tanaka for the WCW United States Heavyweight Title, with Kanyon watching on
Goldberg beat Lex Luger
Cash, Chavo Guerrero Jr, Damien 666 and La Parka beat Jamie Knoble, Great Sasuke, Yang and Kaz Hayashi
Champion Committee members Arn Anderson & Roddy Piper were in the Control Centre hyping up Konnan & Rey Misterio Jr v Jeff Jarrett & Shane Douglas and Tajiri v Super Crazy matches set for Bash at the Beach
A confrontation between Kronik (Brian Adams & Bryan Clark) and Totally Buff (Buff Bagwell and Lex Luger)
Steve Corino, Billy Gunn, Curt Hennig and Fit Finlay beat Hugh Morrus, Bam Bam Bigelow, Air Paris and Sean O’Haire
Kevin Nash and Goldberg then brawled in the back
Yoshihiro Tajiri & Kevin Nash beat Super Crazy & Vampiro
Bobby Hennan and Kanyon talked trash of WCW World Champion Booker T
Rick Flair & Dustin Rhodes come face to face with Steve Corino & Billy Gunn
Rey Misterio Jr beats Mark Jindrak
A video recaps the feud between DDP/Sting and Lance Storm/Mike Awesome
Kronik beat Big Vito & Johnny The Bull
Video plays showcasing Rob Van Dam & Sabu
[Dark] Kanyon beats Norman Smiley
◆Show Notes
Jamie Knoble suffered a grade 1 groin strain, he will be out for 2 days
◆Business Notes
WCW Nitro rating 0.11 with 86,167 viewers with 1,379,409 viewers overall.
◆Roster Changes
Sean O’Haire requested and was granted his release, he departs at no cost to the budget.
//END OF MONTH REPORT
◆Company Info
Size Small, second in the world
Next Event Bash at the Beach (pay per view)
TV Shows: WCW Nitro (Monday)
◆Financial Summary
Revenue $2,2m ⬇️ $300k
Wages ($2,68m) ⬇️ 220k
Of Which Are Terminations (215k) ⬇️ $172k
Loss ($3.5m) ⬇️200k
Performance ($1.3m) ⬇️ 100k
Reserves $7,4m
◆Active Roster
[FACE]
Singles
Alex Wright
Bam Bam Bigelow
Billy Kidman w/Tygress
Booker T - WCW United States Heavyweight Champion, WCW World Heavyweight Champion
Diamond Dallas Page
Goldberg
Great Sasuke
Hugh Morris
James Mitchell
Jamie Knoble
Kevin Nash
Konnan w/Tygress
Lash Leroux
Lizmark Jr
Norman Smiley
Rey Misterio Jr w/Tygress
Rob Van Dam w/Bill Alfonso
Sabu w/Bill Alfonso
Shane Helms - WCW Cruiserweight Champion
Silver King
Sting
Super Crazy
Vampiro
Volador Jr
Yoshiro Tajiri
Tag Teams
Air Raid (AJ Styles & Air Paris)
Kronik (Brian Adams & Bryan Clark) - WCW World Tag Team Champions
Legacy (Dustin Rhodes & Ric Flair)
Jung Dragons (Yang & Kaz Hayashi)
The Mamalukes (Big Vito & Johnny the Bull)
[HEEL]
Singles
Buff Bagwell
Cash
Chavo Guerrero Jr
Chris Harris
Christopher Daniels
Curt Hennig
Damien 666 w/Don Callis
Elix Skipper
EZ Money
Fit Finlay
James Storm
Kanyon w/Bobby Henan
Kid Romeo
La Parka
Lex Luger
Mark Jindrak
Masato Tanaka
Mike Sanders
Rick Steiner
Scott Steiner w/Midajah
Shane Douglas
Ultimo Dragon
Vilano V w/Stacy Keibler
Tag Teams
Team Canada (Lance Storm w/Rena Mero & Mike Awesome)
3 Count (Evan Karagias & Shannon Moore)
◆Unavailable
Sid Vicious - Leg Break 10 Months
Ultimo Dragon - Broken Arm - 56 days
◆Personalities
Arn Anderson - Member of the Championship Committee
Eric Bischoff - OwnePresident
Dusty Rhodes - Director Talent Acquisition
Roddy Piper - Member of the Championship Committee
Ricky Steamboat - Member of the Championship Committee
Terry Funk - Member of the Championship Committee / Part Time Wrestler
Larry Zbyszko
Paisley
Mike Tenay
Stevie Ray
Tony Schiavone
Gene Okerlund
[IN/OUT]
In
Don Callis
Dory Funk Jr
Harley Race
Fit Finlay
Larry Zbyszko
Out
Jim Duggan
Johnny Ace
Jimmy Hart
Miss Jones
Ernest Miller
Scott Hudson
Jeremy Borash
Sean O’Haire
Summary
5 signings and 8 departures
[JULY]
Week 1, July 2001
——
◆Bash at the Beach ~MORE MATCHES CONFIRMED
Booker T v Kanyon - WCW World Heavyweight Title
Goldberg v Kevin Nash
Vampiro v Curt Hennig
Lance Storm v Sting
Diamond Dallas Page v Mike Awesome
Flair & Rhodes v Billy Gunn & Steve Corino
Super Crazy v Tajiri - WCW Cruiserweight
Konnan & Rey Jr v Jeff Jarrett & Shane Douglas
Totally Buff & Kronik
[1.7 WCW LIVES ON!] “THE BRAIN IS OUT FOR BOOKER T”
[Hard Rock Cafe & Casino] Huge one on one matches scheduled
◆”WCW Niro” TV Show
Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in front of 1,782
Overal Rating 54
Booker T and Kanyon w/Bobby Henenan closed the show in the ring.
Rob Van Dam beat Steve Corino
Mike Tenay interviewed DDP, Sting, Lance Storm, Mike Awesome and Reno Mero.
Kanyon beat Dustin Rhodes
Yoshihiro Taijiri, Sting and Super Crazy beat Billy Gunn, Shane Douglas and Jeff Jarrett
Control Center segment promoted Steiner Brothers v Rob Van Dam & Sabu, Vampiro & Curt Hennig, Super Crazy v Yoshihiro Taijir and Vilano V v Bam Bam Bigelow for Bash at the Beach
Ric Flair beat Mike Sanders
Diamond Dallas Page beat Curt Hennig
Rey Misterio Jr & Konnan beat Totally Buff (Lex Luger & Buff Bagwell)
Goldberg and Kevin Nash bumped into each other backstage
Legacy (Ric Flair & Dustin Rhodes) tussled on the microphone with Steve Corino & Billy Gunn
Goldberg beat Vilano V
Jeff Jarrett & Shane Douglas went face to face with Konnan & Rey Misterio Jr
Rick Steiner beat Sabu
[DARK] AJ Styles beat Volador Jr
[DARK] Vampiro beat Chris Harris
◆Business Notes
WCW Nitro was shown to a rating of 0.10 with 80,029 viewers with 1,252,174 viewers overall.
◆Talent Relations
Norman Smiley's current contract is set to expire at the end of July. He has now agreed a per show handshake agreement with no downside.
◆Roster Changes
TAKA Michinoku has agreed a three month per show handshake agreement with no downside. His WWF contract is set to expire at the end of the month.
Big Vito has been released from his contract at a cost of $45,600 to the 2001 budget
Johnny the Bull has been released from his contract at a cost of $30,000 to the 2001 budget
Chris Harris has been released from his contract at a cost of $16,200 to the 2001 budget
Week 2, July 2001
——
[8.7 WCW LIVES ON!] “FOUR SUPERSTARS MEET IN THE MAIN EVENT”
[Hard Rock Cafe & Casino] Plus... Flair v Booker T
◆”WCW Niro” TV Show
Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in front of 1,748
Overall Rating 58
Goldberg beat Lance Storm, Goldberg and Rob Van Dam in a non-title match
Scott Steiner beat Dustin Rhodes
Promo with Lance Storm, Mike Awesome, Rena Mero, Diamond Dallas Page and Mike Awesome
Booker T beat Ric Flair in a non-title match
Bam Bam Bigelow, Vampiro and Kevin Nash beat Curt Henning, Vilano V and Fit Finlay
Goldberg is getting ready backstage
Rey Misterio Jr beats EZ Money
Vampiro confronts Curt Hennig
Shane Douglas & Jeff Jarrett beat Yang and Kaz Hayashi
Mike Awesome beat Masato Tanaka
Control Centre segment with Dusty Rhodes, Ric Flair, Kevin Nash, Booker T, Goldberg, Steve Corino, Vilano V and Bam Bam Bigelow
Goldberg and Kevin Nash come face to face
Rey Misterio Jr & Konnan confront Jeff Jarrett and Shane Douglas
Rick Flair v Kanyon v Sting ends in a no contest with interference from Mike Awesome and Sabu
Rick Steiner & Scott Steiner fight with Sabu & Rob Van Dam
Kronik (Brian Adams & Bryan Clark) fight with Buff Bagwell & Lex Luger backstage
Scott Steiner and Rob Van Dam open the show with promos in the ring
[DARK] Yoshihiro Tajiri beat Chavo Guerrero Jr
[DARK] Totally Buff (Buff Bagwell & Lex Luger) beat Norman Smiley and Hugh Morrus
◆Business Notes
WCW Nitro was rated 0.11 with 83,270 viewers with 1,321,854 views overall.
Roster Changes
Brazo de Platino has agreed a per show agreement with no downside.
Week 3, July 2001
——
◆News
WCW will once again go on the road from August, no longer taping Nitro exclusively at the Hard Rock Cafe & Casino in Las Vegas.
Alex Wright & Hugh Morrus are set to debut as a new heel team 'Futurewave'
Essia Rios turned down an approach from WCW and extended his WWF contract
Masato Tanaka has one month remaining on his per show handshake contract, he has indicated he wishes to leave
◆Roster Changes
Tommy Dreamer has agreed a one year per show handshake agreement with no no downside.
[13.7 WCW LIVES ON!] “THIS IS NO DAY AT THE BEACH”
[Hard Rock Cafe & Casino] Two huge main events
◆”Bash At The Beach” Pay Per View
Toyota Sports Centre, CA in front of 8,418 people
Overall Rating 66
Goldberg beat Kevin Nash
Booker T beat Kanyon to retain the WCW World Heavyweight Title (third defence)
A video hypes up the Goldberg v Kevin Nash main event
Kevin Nash is seen getting ready backstage
Golderbg is seen getting ready backstage
Rob Van Dam & Sabu beat The Steiner Brothers to become the WCW World Tag Team Champions (fall at first defence)
WCW President Eric Bischoff and Championship Committee Member Terry Funk meet with Bobby Heenan and his client Kanyon ahead of his World Title challenge
Diamond Dallas Page beat Mike Awesome to retain the WCW United States Heavyweight Title (first defence)
Sting beat Lance Storm
Kevin Nash speaks to Gene Okerlund about his match with Goldberg
Yoshirio Tajiri beat Super Crazy in a match for the WCW Cruiserweight Title by count out, Crazy retains the title
Scott Steiner, Rick Steiner, Rob Van Dam meet with WCW President Eric Bischoff and members of the Championship Committee Terry Funk, Arn Anderson and Roddy Piper ahead of their WCW Tag Team match
Vampiro beats Curt Hennig
We see a promo video on Sting
Legacy (Ric Flair & Dustin Rhodes) beat Billy Gunn & Fit Finlay
Bam Bam Bigelow beats Vilano V
Head of Talent Acquisition Dusty Rhodes announces Steve Corino will not perform tonight, Billy Gunn will now team with Fit Finlay to take on Ric Flair & Dustin Rhodes
Curt Henning and Vampiro ran into each other backstage
Totally Buff (Buff Bagwell & Lex Luger) beat Kronik (Brian Adams & Bryan Clark)
WCW World Champion Booker T was seen backstage
Konnan & Rey Misterio Jr beat Jeff Jarrett & Shane Douglas
[DARK]Futurewave (Hugh Morrus & Alex Wright) beat Air Raid (AJ Styles & Air Paris)
[DARK] Billy Kidman beats Chavo Guerrero Jr
◆Show Notes
Arn Anderson was reprimanded for a behavioural incident.
◆Show Notes
Steve Corino's contract expired the morning of the show, no agreement could be made.
◆Roster Changes
Steve Corino's contract has expired and has departed WCW.
◆Business Notes
WCW Bash At The Beach received a pay per view buy rate of 0.12 with 61,931 buys
WCW Bash At The Beach was shown internationally with a rating of 0.12 with 90,010 views with 162,518 viewers overall.
Week 3, July 2001
——
[21.7 ROAD TO FALL BRAWL!] “TAG CLASH”
[Hard Rock Cafe & Casino] The fall out from Bash at the Beach
◆”WCW Niro” TV Show
Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in front of 1,762
Overall Rating 59
To close the show DDP, Sting, Booker T, RVD and Sabu challenged The Steiners, Team Canada and Fit Finlay to an Elimination Tag match at Fall Brawl.
Diamond Dallas Page & Sting beat Curt Henning & Billy Gunn
Sting and DDP were seen backstage walking to the ring
Goldberg beat Jeff Jarrett and Konnan in a triple threat match
Goldberg and Nash went nose to nose backstage
Fit Finlay beat Shane Helmes to retain his WCW World Television Title (second defence)
Legacy (Ric Flair & Dustin Rhodes) crossed paths with Don Callis and his client Damien 666 and La Parka
La Parka, Chavo Guerrero Jr, Damien 666, Vilano V bear Lizamark Jr, Brazo de Platino, Jamie Knoble and Great Sasuke
Terry Funk and Dusty Rhodes cut a backstage promo
Dustin Rhodes beat Masato Tanaka
Sting/DDP and Team Canada (Lance Storm/Mike Awesome), Booker T, The Steiner Brothers and Rob Van Dam went at it in the ring
Scott Steiner beat Bam Bam Bigelow
Rey Misterio Jr beat Sabu
Rob Van Dam beat Cash
Futurewave (Hugh Morrus & Alex Wright) beat Air Raid (AJ Styles & Air Paris)
Booker T and Fit Finlay crossed paths backstage
Vampiro bumped into Vilano V and his manager Stacey Keibler backstage
[DARK] Lance Storm beat Yoshihiro Tajiri
◆Show Notes
WCW Nitro's TV rating was 0.11 with 85,945 viewers with 1,327,423 viewers overall.
Week 3, July 2001
——
[21.7 ROAD TO FALL BRAWL!] “TAG CLASH”
[Hard Rock Cafe & Casino] The fall out from Bash at the Beach
◆”WCW Niro” TV Show
Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in front of 1,771
Overall Rating 59
A video plays confirming the Goldberg v Kevin Nash rematch is set for Fall Brawl
Booker T beats Jeff Jarrett to retain the WCW World Heavyweight Title (defence four)
Legacy (Ric Flair & Dustin Rhodes) beat Kanyon & Billy Gunn
Booker T is getting ready backstage
Kevin Nash beats Shane Douglas
Sabu & Rob Van Dam are attacked by The Steiner Brothers
Booker T and Fit Finlay talk to WCW President Eric Bischoff
Rob Van Dam & Sabu beat Futurewave (Hugh Morrus & Alex Wright)
A highlight reel of Diamond Dallas Page and Sabu was shown...they'll meet next week!
Goldberg beat James Storm
Funk, Rhodes, Flair, Vampire and Dustin Rhodes challenge Totally Buff, La Parka, Vilano V and Damien 666 to an Elimination match at Fall Brawl
Goldberg is seen backstage
Fit Finlay beat Konnan to retain the WCW Television Title (third defence)
Vampiro and Kronik (Brian Adams & Bryan Clark) beat Curt Hennig & Totally Buff (Lex Luger & Buff Bagwell)
Jeff Jarrett and Shane Douglas talked backstage
Bam Bam Bigelow beat Mark Jindrak
Diamond Dallas Page beat Scott Steiner, La Parka and Tommy Dreamer to retain the WCW Unites States Title
WCW President Eric Bischoff and Championship Committee Members Terry Funk & Arn Anderson confirm Super Crazy will defend his WCW Cruiserweight title at Fall Brawl against Yoshihiro Tajiri and one other!
[DARK] Elix Skipper & Kid Romeo beat Air Raid (AJ Styles & Air Paris)
◆Business Notes
WCW Nitro was broadcast with a rating of 0.11 with 86,713 views with 1,328,284 viewers overall.
◆Bash at the Beach ~MORE MATCHES CONFIRMED
Goldberg v Kevin Nash
ELIMINATION TAG: Mike Awesome, Lance Storm, Rick Steiner, Scott Steiner, Fit Finlay v Sting, Diamond Dallas Page, Sabu, Rob Van Dam and Booker T
ELIMINATION TAG: Dustin Rhodes, Ric Flair Dusty Rhodes, Terry Funk and Vampiro v Buff Bagwell, Lex Luger, Damien 666, La Parka, Vilano V
Super Crazy v Yoshihiro Tajiri v ???
//END OF MONTH REPORT
◆Company Info
Size Small, second in the world
Next Event Fall Brawl (pay per view)
TV Shows: WCW Nitro (Monday)
◆Financial Summary
Revenue 1.9m ⬇️ $300k
Wages ($2,47m) ⬇️ 203k
Of Which Are Terminations (91,8k) ⬇️ $123k
Loss ($3.3m) ⬇️200k
Performance ($1.4m) ⬇️ 100k
Reserves $6m
◆Active Roster
[FACE]
Singles
Alex Wright
Bam Bam Bigelow
Billy Kidman w/Tygress
Booker T - WCW World Heavyweight Champion
Brazo de Platino
Diamond Dallas Page
Goldberg
Great Sasuke
Hugh Morris
James Mitchell
Jamie Knoble
Kevin Nash
Konnan w/Tygress
Lash Leroux
Lizmark Jr
Norman Smiley
Rey Misterio Jr w/Tygress
Rob Van Dam - WCW World Tag Team Champion
Sabu w/Bill Alfonso - WCW World Tag Team Champion
Shane Helms -
Silver King
Sting
Super Crazy - WCW Cruiserweight Champion
Tommy Dreamer
Vampiro
Volador Jr
Yoshiro Tajiri
Tag Teams
Air Raid (AJ Styles & Air Paris)
Kronik (Brian Adams & Bryan Clark)
Legacy (Dustin Rhodes & Ric Flair)
Jung Dragons (Yang & Kaz Hayashi)
[HEEL]
Singles
Buff Bagwell
Cash
Chavo Guerrero Jr
Christopher Daniels
Curt Hennig
Damien 666 w/Don Callis
Elix Skipper
EZ Money
Fit Finlay - WCW World Television Champion
James Storm
Kanyon w/Bobby Henan
Kid Romeo
La Parka
Lex Luger
Mark Jindrak
Masato Tanaka
Mike Sanders
Rick Steiner
Scott Steiner w/Midajah
Shane Douglas
TAKA Michinoku
Ultimo Dragon
Vilano V w/Stacy Keibler
Tag Teams
Team Canada (Lance Storm w/Rena Mero & Mike Awesome)
3 Count (Evan Karagias & Shannon Moore)
◆Unavailable
Sid Vicious - Leg Break 9 Months
Ultimo Dragon - Broken Arm - 25 days
◆Personalities
Arn Anderson - Member of the Championship Committee
Eric Bischoff - OwnePresident
Dusty Rhodes - Director Talent Acquisition
Roddy Piper - Member of the Championship Committee
Ricky Steamboat - Member of the Championship Committee
Terry Funk - Member of the Championship Committee / Part Time Wrestler
Larry Zbyszko
Paisley
Mike Tenay
Stevie Ray
Tony Schiavone
Gene Okerlund
[IN/OUT]
In
TAKA Michinoku
Brazo de Platino
Tommy Dreamer
Out
Big Vito
Johnny The Bull
Chris Harris
Steve Corino
Summary
3 signings and four departures
Week 1, August 2001
——
[1.8 ROAD TO FALL BRAWL!] “BACK TO THE MID-ATLANTIC”
[Greenwood Civic Center, SC] Icons collide in the main event
◆”WCW Niro” TV Show
Greenwood Civic Center, SC in front of 2,188 people
Overall Rating 63
Kevin Nash and Sting go to a non-contest when Goldberg runs in
Ric Flair beat Curt Hennig
Gene Okerlund interviews Rob Van Dam & Sabu and The Steiner Brothers
Ric Flair, Terry Funk, Vampiro, Dusty Rhodes all out Lex Luger and Buff Bagwell.
Diamond Dallas Page beats Sabu to retain the WCW United States title in his third defence
A hype video plays promoting Goldberg v Kevin Nash at Fall Brawl
TAKA Michinoku is confirmed as the third person in the WCW World Cruiserweight Title match at Fall Brawl
Goldberg, Booker T and Vampire beat Fit Finlay, Lance Storm & Mike Awesome
Rob Van Dam beat Jeff Jarrett
WCW President Eric Bischoff meets Mike Awesome, Lance Storm and his manager Rena Mero
Yoshihiro Tajiri beat Billy Kidman
Championship Committee member Terry Funk deals with The Filthy Animals, Jeff Jarrett, Shane Douglas and Kanyon. A 3 v 3 Match is set for Fall Brawl.
Bam Bam Bigelow, Jamie Knoble and Kronik (Bryan Clark & Bryan Adams) beat Lex Luger, Buff Bagwell, Shannon Moore and Evan Karagais
Rey Misterio Jr beats Shane Douglas
Nash arrives at the building
Sting is backstage
Kevin Nash v Sting is set for tonight's main event
[DARK] TAKA Michinoku beat Chavo Guerrero Jr
◆Business Notes
WCW Nitro's TV rating was 0.11 with 86,806 viewers and 1,377,944 viewers overall.
◆Roster Changes
Mr Aquila has agreed a three month per show handshake agreement with no downside.
Week 1, August 2001
——
[8.14 ROAD TO FALL BRAWL!] “ACTION AT CENTER STAGE”
[Ceenter Stage, Atlanta] Icons collide in the main event
◆”WCW Niro” TV Show
Center Stage, Atlanta in front of 1,050
Overall Rating 65
Goldberg beats Buff Bagwell
Goldberg is heading to the ring
Booker T , Diamond Dallas Page & Sting celebrate in the ring before Mike Awesome, Lance Storm and Fit Finally interrupt
Booker T , Diamond Dallas Page & Sting beat Fit Finlay, Jeff Jarrett & Shane Douglas
Legacy (Ric Flair & Dusin Rhodes) beat Chavo Guerrero Jr & Cash
Kevin Nash beat EZ Money
Tommy Dreamer beats Masato Tanaka
A video plays hyping Rob Van Dam & Sabu v The Steiner Brothers
Lex Luger beats Lash Leroux
The Steiner brothers cut a promo on Rob Van Dam & Sabu
Control Center segment promoting Super Crazy v Tajiri v TAKA Michonoku, Konnan & Rey Misterio Jr v Jeff Jarrett & Shane Douglas at Fall Brawl
Rob Van Dam and Sabu beats Kevin Karagias and Shannon Moore
Kevin Nash hypes his upcoming match with Goldberg
TKA Michinoku, Mr Aquila and La Parka Damien 666, Lizmark Jr and Yoshihiro Tajiri
Ric Flair is joined by Terry Funk and Dusty Rhodes before La Parka, Damien 666 and Don Callis interrupt.
Curt Hennig beat Norman Smiley
Bam Bam Bigelow beat James Storm
Vampire beat Mark Jindrak
Announcers confirm Ric Flair will be speaking later in the show
[DARK]Scott Steiner beat Billy Kidman
◆Show Notes
Volador Jr was fined for poor backstage behaviour.
Lex Luger suffered a Olecrannon Fracture and is out for 24 days.
◆Business News
WCW Nitro received a 0.12 TV rating with 90,880 viewers with 1,447,334 viewers overall. The most watched Nitro since the reboot.
◆Roster Changes
Franklin Foley has signed a two year contract with a cost to the 2001 budget of $8,800
Franlin Foley has joined M-Pro on a 12 month excursion at a cost of $13,2000
Masato Tanaka's contract has expired and he has departed WCW.
[8.20 FALL BRAWL!] “IT'S A BRAWL LIKE YOU'VE NEVER SEEN BEFORE”
[Norfolk, Virginia] Teams collide
◆”Fall Brawl” Pay Per View
Norfolk Scope Arena, Virginia in front of 10,859
Overall Rating 65
Kevin Nash beat Goldberg
Goldberg left his locker room to head to the ring
Sting, Diamond Dallas Page, Booker T, Sabu, Rob Van Dam and Bill Alfonso celebrated backstage
A video played hyping the main event
Diamond Dallas Page, Sting, Booker T, Rob Van Dam and Sabu defeated Fit Finlay, Team Canada and Steiner Brothers in an elimination tag match.
Yoshihiro Tajiri defeated TAKA Michinoku and Super Crazy to win the WCW Cruiserweight title (
Dusty Rhodes and Terry Funk had a heated debate backstage
The Filthy Animals (Billy Kidman, Konnan and Rey Misterio Jr) defeated Jeff Jarrett, Kanyon and Shane Douglas in an elimination tag match
Kevin Nash was getting ready backstage
Ric Flair, Dusty Rhodes, Dustin Rhodes and Terry Funk beat Buff Bagwell, Billy Gunn, Vilano V, Damien 666 and La Parka in an elimination tag match. Dusty Rhodes and Terry Funk had a miscommunication in the match.
The team of Ric Flair, Dusty Rhodes, Dustin Rhodes, Vampire and Terry Funk hung out backstage
Gene Okerlund interviewed Yoshihiro Tajiri and his manager James Mitchell
Bam Bam Bigelow beat Curt Hennig, Tommy Dreamer and Chavo Guerrero Jr
Futurewave (Hugh Morrus & Alex Wright) & Kronik (Brian Adams & Bryan Clark) beat Elix Skipper, Kid Romeo, Shannon Moore & Evan Karagias in an elimination tag match
The announcers put over the main event of Goldberg v Kevin Nash
The team of Lance Storm, Mike Awesome, Scott Steiner, Ric Steiner, spoke to Gene Okerlund
Silver King, Air Raid (AJ Styles/Air Pairs) beat Cash, EZ Money and Christopher Daniels
◆Business Notes
WCW Fall Brawl's buy rate was 0.12 with 61,932 buys
WCW Fall Brawl was shown and received a 0.12 TV rating to international audiences, 90,378 viewers with 163,339 viewers overall.
Week 3, August 2001
——
[8.20 WCW NITRO!] “No.1 Contenders Tournament”
[Punta Gorda, Florida] Who will face Booker T, next?
◆”WCW Niro” TV Show
Charlotte Harbour Center, Florda in front of 2,000 (SUPER NO VACANCY!)
Overall Rating 65
Show closed with a promo video hyping Booker T v Fit Finlay
Kevin Nash challenged Goldberg to a third match.
Fit Finlay beat Rob Van Dam to become the new World Heavyweight Championship No.1 Contender
Booker T & Goldberg beat Curt Hennig and Billy Fun
Ric Flair and Dustin Rhodes have unfinished business with La Parka and Damien 666
Fit Finlay beat Jeff Jarrett in a semi final match of the No.1 Contenders Tournament
Team Canada (Lance Storm & Mike Awesome) beat Yoshihiro Tajiri & Vampiro
Gene Okerlund interviewed new WCW Cruiserweight Champion Tajiri and his manager James Mitchell who spoke about their win over Super Crazy
Championship Committee Members Terry Funk and Roddy Piper tried to cool things over with Director of Talent Acquisition Dusty Rhodes.
Jeff Jarrett beat Diamond Dallas Page in a No 1 Contenders Tournament Match
Fit Finlay beat Ric Flair in a No 1 Contenders Tournament Match
Rob Van Dam defeated Scott Steiner in the No.1 Contenders Tournament
Kevin Nash and Goldberg are backstage; an argument breaks out
Sting and Kevin Nash went to a no contest when Goldberg, Lance Storm and Goldberg all interfered, both men are eliminated from the No.1 Contenders Tournament
Goldberg arrives at the building, he's not happy
◆Show Notes
Volador Jr was fined for poor behaviour backstage.
◆Business Notes
WCW Nitro's TV rating was 0.11 with 86,481 viewers with 1,375,613 viewers overall.
——
[8.20 WCW NITRO!] “No.1 Contenders Tournament”
[Omaha, Nebraska] Who will face Booker T, next?
◆”WCW Niro” TV Show
Omaha Civic Aud Mancuso, NE in front of 1,541
Overall Rating 65
Goldberg & Fit Finlay beat Booker T & Yoshihiro Tajiri and Kevin Nash & Super Crazy
Mike Awesome beat Brian Adams
Goldberg was getting ready backstage
Dusty Rhodes and Terry Funk crossed paths
Diamond Dallas Page beat Mike Sanders
Scott Steiner beat Dustin Rhodes
Kanyon beat Konnan
Billy Kidman & Rey Misterio Jr beat Cash & EZ Money
Rob Van Dam beat Rick Steiner
Sting and Reno Mero were backstage
Ric Flair and Dustin Rhodes crossed paths with La Parka and Damien 666
Scott Steiner and Rob Van Dam went face to face
Vampiro beat Tommy Dreamer
◆Show Notes
Konnan was fined for poor backstage behaviour
Booker T suffered compound frontal bone fracture and was initially set to be out for a year. Surgery was unable to produce a significant improvement and he'll now be out for over a year.
◆Business Notes
WCW Nitro was shown to a TV rating of 0.12 with 91,046 viewers with 1,484,015 viewers overall.
◆Breaking News
WCW World Heavyweight Champion Booker T will be out for over a year. This news comes as the company is rumoured to have made a seven a fourth month of $1m+ losses.
//END OF MONTH REPORT
◆Company Info
Size Small, second in the world
Next Event Wrestle War (pay per view)
TV Shows: WCW Nitro (Monday)
◆Financial Summary
Revenue 1.8m ⬇️ $100k
Wages ($2,2m) ⬇️ 100k.
Of Which Are Terminations (13k) ⬇️ $78,8k
Loss ($3.2m) ⬇️100k
Performance ($1.3m) ⬇️ 100k
Reserves $4.6m
◆Active Roster
[FACE]
Singles
Alex Wright
Bam Bam Bigelow
Billy Kidman w/Tygress
Booker T - WCW World Heavyweight Champion
Brazo de Platino
Diamond Dallas Page
Goldberg
Great Sasuke
Hugh Morris
James Mitchell
Jamie Knoble
Kevin Nash
Konnan w/Tygress
Lash Leroux
Lizmark Jr
Norman Smiley
Rey Misterio Jr w/Tygress
Rob Van Dam - WCW World Tag Team Champion
Sabu w/Bill Alfonso - WCW World Tag Team Champion
Shane Helms -
Silver King
Sting
Super Crazy - WCW Cruiserweight Champion
Tommy Dreamer
Vampiro
Volador Jr
Yoshiro Tajiri
Tag Teams
Air Raid (AJ Styles & Air Paris)
Kronik (Brian Adams & Bryan Clark)
Legacy (Dustin Rhodes & Ric Flair)
Jung Dragons (Yang & Kaz Hayashi)
[HEEL]
Singles
Buff Bagwell
Cash
Chavo Guerrero Jr
Christopher Daniels
Curt Hennig
Damien 666 w/Don Callis
Elix Skipper
EZ Money
Fit Finlay - WCW World Television Champion
James Storm
Kanyon w/Bobby Henan
Kid Romeo
La Parka
Lex Luger
Mark Jindrak
Mike Sanders
Rick Steiner
Scott Steiner w/Midajah
Shane Douglas
TAKA Michinoku
Ultimo Dragon
Vilano V w/Stacy Keibler
Tag Teams
Team Canada (Lance Storm w/Rena Mero & Mike Awesome)
3 Count (Evan Karagias & Shannon Moore)
◆Unavailable
Sid Vicious - Leg Break 8 Months, 2 weeks
Booker T - Frontal Bone Fracture - 1 year, 2 weeks
Great Sasuke - 6 days
Lex Luger - 4 days
◆Personalities
Arn Anderson - Member of the Championship Committee
Eric Bischoff - OwnePresident
Dusty Rhodes - Director Talent Acquisition
Roddy Piper - Member of the Championship Committee
Ricky Steamboat - Member of the Championship Committee
Terry Funk - Member of the Championship Committee / Part Time Wrestler
Larry Zbyszko
Paisley
Mike Tenay
Stevie Ray
Tony Schiavone
Gene Okerlund
[IN/OUT]
In
Franklin Foley
Out
Franklin Foley (Excursion)
Masato Tanaka
Summary
1 signing and 2 departures
//- EXECUTIVE NOTES //-

• I am using a TEW 2016 data converted to TEW 2020, it has a lot of issues mainly around personality attributes, everyone - even the most godly person seems to have a hard drug issue or cause issues. This really impacted the moral (0%) and therefore hurt my initial shows. I'm not a fan of playing around with data during a save but it was required to make it playable.
  
• Despite slashing the wage bill with $700k in terminations, and signing replacements on per show deals my basic wage has not changed dramatically, only about $100k.
  
• One unintended consequence of slashing the wage bill has been a massive reduction in Merchandise. I'm making $750k less than my first month. While my live event merchandise sales have increased, I'm $775k down on worker sales.
  
• As one of the few that did watch WCW in 2000, I am surprised you start as small (made even harder by being based South West). Also Hogan was still under contract with WCW until 2002 (just sitting at home), on this data he starts unemployed. Having said that, if he was on your wage bill the challenge would be even harder.