Difference between lamictal and topamax

Earlier this year, got diagnosed with ADHD and autism by a psych in the public mental health system and also got an ADHD diagnosis confirmation by private psych specialising in ADHD.
Got prescribed Atomoxetine by the public psych but it brought on meltdowns. Told the public psych this issue within two weeks of starting but he insisted I give it time. Gave it time (6-8 weeks) but ended up back in hospital for an OD 4 weeks in, which is my second OD attempt in just 4 months. (The first OD was the reason I had to see the public psych in the first place).
I knoww how meds take time, and I felt like I gave it a good shot, but the public psych continued to insist taking it, even though it has made my mental health worse. Plus, it didn’t even help with ADHD symptoms so there was nothing truly beneficial to it. So I quit cold turkey.
Best decision I ever made.
Meltdowns lessened and I was slowly starting to emotionally self-regulate better.
However, my mother didn’t see it that way, which is understandable as meltdowns are horrifying to deal with, even with it lessening in frequency. So she suggested we go overseas and see another psychiatrist since it’s cheaper to go private than where we live, and we have family overseas for moral support.
I knew going overseas was a bad idea for my mental health as I was slowly getting better but because my mother was so distressed and even used seeing my grandmother to emotionally guilt me, I eventually relented.
Never even got to discuss medication with the private psych I went to on possible ADHD meds as the trip overseas was so rushed and my mother kept telling me that my ADHD and all other issues I had would be sorted overseas.
Well, after meeting the new private psych overseas, she couldn’t even prescribe me ADHD medications and instead ruled me as having bipolar and having manic episodes.
I certainly do understand where the overseas psych is coming from, as my meltdowns do present like hypomanic/manic episodes. However, these “manic” episodes only occur when I am actively triggered by something (eg changes in plans, social rules that I find to be stupid, losing something) and never randomly.
So I tell the overseas psych this, and that I should perhaps go back to fluoxetine since I know that it works well for me, but they insist that I shouldn’t be taking it anymore because it has made me manic.
Again, I would like to reiterate that I have never had any manic episodes while on fluoxetine. I had been on it for 11 years, with breaks between (6-12 months) and have never experienced anything resembling hypomania/mania. If anything, only mild depression and depressive episodes, which are often triggered by my inability to not achieve my goals and daily tasks due to ADHD.
It has only been atomoxetine that has made me have meltdowns/become manic/highly sensitive. Things that bothered me before are heightened to the extreme.
But anyway, the overseas psych prescribes me depakote but it didn’t do anything for me so I am now switched to lamictal since I’m also now taking other drugs for my PCOS.
Still at early stages so I don’t know if it’ll work but I just don’t like the diagnosis that the overseas psych given me as they doesn’t have my full mental health history and I feel like it doesn’t really fit me. Autism feels like a more better fit, especially socially and in my intense interests and sensitivity to certain things eg sound of metal on metal, outfit textures and styles etc.
Though I know that there is an overlap and it could be that I have both bipolar and autism, so there’s also that.
Anyway, the overseas psych hasn’t really explained their reasoning for this new diagnosis beyond the fact that it’s made me manic. She didn’t even explain the difference between SSRI, SNRI and a mood stabiliser. I literally just found out on my own through researching and will be doing more since I feel like I’m basically going through this alone.
I guess I’m just so confused, frustrated and angry about my mental health as each psychiatrist has given me different diagnoses and I know diagnosis isn’t the end-all-be-all but at least there’s something tangible I can hold on to.
But at least, all three psychs have confirmed ADHD so that’s at least a certain.

Hi All-- I posted most of the symptoms improvements in a reply but wanted to share in its own post. It's therapeutic for me to reflect on the progress, especially since I'm having a worse day today--those are fewer and farther between lately--and maybe others can benefit.
I've been on keto for about 4 months now. I've been doing a 2:1 modified Adkins, though its often more like 3:1 depending on the day, with <20 g net carbs. I've aimed for blood ketones above 2.0 mmol/l taken in the late afternoon and also maintaining above 1.0 upon waking. I took me about a month to figure out how to get to those levels consistently. Content of diet beyond the macros has been pretty normal though I've experimented with limiting dairy to goat cheese and butter recently. That restriction seems to help with some of the symptoms. I've done keto in the past with some benefit but not as strict with macros and was typically in lower levels of ketosis. I've been working with Nicole Laurent this round who has been great in helping me learn to do the diet consistent with known keto for mental health best practices and navigate anything unexpected that comes up. She's also been a great support in encouraging patience and recognizing the progress when it comes, plus healing isn't always easy as "waking up is hard to do." I've also found a supportive Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner who is relatively new to assisting with keto but has done Georgia Ede's clinician training. My therapist has become a convert as she's seen my significant progress the last few months.
Symptoms/illness-wise, I'm coming at this from a pretty complex place. Bipolar diagnosis after Zoloft induced manic episode at 18, treated with lithium other mood stabilizers, always paired with still an SSRI, usually celexa. Improved a lot in my late 20s/early 30s on just lithium and Adderall until doc thought Prozac to address anxiety would be a good idea. Cold turkeyed lithium, then the Prozac a year later and had a terrible Prozac withdrawal syndrome that maybe morphed into a bipolar mixed episode. I tried going back on lithium other drugs and the additions and changes just made things worse. I was left with long term effects from multiple drugs and symptoms of complex PTSD from the dysphoric states I endured. My cognitive functioning was about 50% of baseline based on a neuropsych exam, and I had to take 4 months off work in desperate hope of getting better with the time off. The recent years have been bad but even during the better stretches on lithium I never felt well and always like a part of me was missing--I don't know what of that was bipolar and what the dulling effects of lithium.
I started keto 3 months into the time off and have seen significant improvement with all my symptoms-- though I'll have clearer periods and then worsening.
Symptoms I've seen improve:
derealization -- this had been pretty bad, just lacking the crispness of life. While on keto, I've had the feeling of like watching a TV and it suddenly going from standard definition to HD...and then it would happen again. Gradually but at times I'd notice the difference and then kind of get used to it only to notice it again down the road.
tinnitus - I had developed terrible tinnitus after taking lamictal. It's improved significantly, again gradually and is probably 80% less frequent and 50% less intense when it occurs.
anxiety -- I had terrible anxiety and couldn't cope with most things in life. I often felt helpless and that if I confronted anymore adversity I couldn't respond. I]m handling a lot of adversity now.
Fatigue - I was really just dragging myself through every day and could barely get through them. This has gradually gotten better, and I now have energy to do things like clean up the kitchen at the end of the day. When you're not exhausted all the time, it's easier to enjoy life.
cognitive impairment -- this is a biggie as it was disabling and I couldn't perform my work as an attorney. I've noticed various brain functions gradually come back online. I went back to work in early February and have just gotten better and better. I'm able to think and reason again, and my memory's tremendously better. In some ways it's going back to before the Prozac misfortune but also back to my premorbid functioning, before the manic episode. This can be overwhelming at times as I have to process how I got by all those years and the brain reshaping itself creates some feeling of instability.
Sleep - I developed chronic sleep issues during the med changes/withdrawal mess and was too sensitive to take any drug or supplement that might help. I was waking up a lot before keto and usually couldn't go back to sleep, sometimes couldn't go to sleep at all. About 2-3 months in to keto, my sleep started improving a lot. I'm now reliably sleeping through the night most nights and get 6-7 hours. A few times I've been able to sleep in which had become foreign to me.
Executive functioning - I've gotten better at managing myself and my life. I can juggle a lot more and keep up with things. I'm more motivated and can make myself exercise consistently.
Feeling unsafe - this is one of my big PTSD symptoms. I just couldn't relax, ever, always self monitoring and monitoring my situation. Waiting for something to go wrong. This will take time to fully heal, but it's so much better now.
Revisiting -- another PTSD symptom. I was very much stuck in the past reliving certain events around my worsening. I couldn't step out the front door or take out the trash without thinking about things that happened in those settings. As with some other symptoms, it's not perfect, but I'm having more and longer periods where I'm just in the here and now. I can just walk outside and can just take the trash out.
Social anxiety -- At my worst I pretty much totally isolated, and was very withdrawn when around my immediate family that I couldn't isolate from. Each of these have gotten better, again gradually, and I can carry on normal conversations, joke and laugh again. I feel a desire to connect with people and am repairing the relationships I still have, including with my wife and kids.
I'm not fully healed and some days the symptoms come back or worsen. I've been through hell but really feel keto is laying the groundwork for long-term and complete healing. I've even started tapering lithium, under the supervision of a provider, down to 750 mg from 900 mg and feeling more stable than ever. I'm incredibly hopeful and can see the possibility of a full life again.

Keep feeling high?
F 26, weight 125-130, 5’3. Possible family history of thyroid issues, family history of heart issues. No medications, supplement magnesium glycinate, folic acid and B complex. Personal history of temporal lobe simple partial seizures, treated exclusively now with CBD, formerly used lamictal (6 years ago). I do not use any drugs, I’ve smoked weed once in the past 4 years, I rarely even have caffeine and I limit alcohol to once per month. Issue has been happening since around December.
For the past couple months, I’ve been having strange episodes where I feel high out of nowhere. The closest thing I can describe it as is the feeling of being on Versid, which I was prescribed for an ACL surgery about a decade ago. It doesn’t seem like it’s really caused by anything, the only “triggers” that seem to line up are eating and being in loud social situations, but that’s probably about 60% of my daily life. I have simple partial seizures which can sometimes be a bit hard to pinpoint because the symptoms aren’t always the same, so I thought maybe they changed, but this just feels a lot different. In the past few months the seizures have picked up as well.
I’ve also been having some other weird symptoms, I feel thirsty ALL the time, I’ve had what feels like flutters in my chest off and on (usually while laying down) and I’ve had CSF leak from my nose more often. This used to happen a lot 6 years ago when my seizures were bad, but between 2021 and January I hadn’t had any seizures and only had the CSF leaks rarely, and this all just started again. Additionally I’ve had this weird feeling of “fullness” in my head, usually when I wake up, and I’ve just felt kinda off, and it’s been difficult really paying attention to things.
The seizures were caused by a bad reaction to hormonal birth control, so I thought maybe my hormones had just been thrown off, but it seems to be getting worse. I have been stressed with school, my stress has actually decreased though since this started, so I don’t know if that’s involved. I’m currently in between moves and jobs so don’t have active insurance, and want to know if this is something worth paying to have checked out, or if it’s ok to wait.

i'm newly (last few months) diagnosed and i don't know if i just haven't found the right med yet or if i'm not managing my expectations for treatment appropriately or what. i'm on a combo of lithium/lamictal/risperidone. in the months that i've been on this particular combo, i've had a few good weeks in a row before things get bad again. it's JUST the psychotic symptoms that flare back up. my psychiatrist is baffled every time, doubles my dose of risperidone, and tells me to come back in a few weeks.
right now, the symptoms are toeing the line between tolerable and intolerable. i still see and hear and feel things. my car still talks to me and something still lives in all the mirrors in my house and something is still outside my window at night. but i can mostly ignore them. i was able to sleep with the lights off for a night. or with a mirror uncovered for another. right now i can't sleep because i'm too scared of every little noise. the psychotic symptoms never truly resolve. is that something i need to come to terms with? do i need to explore different antipsychotics? i'm more functional now than i ever have been, but i also had to take a medical leave of absence & am likely moving back to my hometown for more familial support.
i just don't want to feel like this forever. i know that i can't/won't. but i am overwhelmed right now. i have an appt with my psychiatrist in the morning and i don't even know what to say, you know?
edit: title should read "what IS the end goal of being medicated?" you can tell i hadn't slept yet lmfao

Hi all. I got diagnosed with mild Bipolar II about 5 years ago. Some of my friends were wholly convinced, others weren't. I wasn't entirely sure, but I know my brain isn't built right. If there were lemon laws for bodies I would absolutely be able to trade this one in.
I went through a few meds, Lamictal (gave me a rash), Lithium (I can't remember why I moved on from that, but my wife was horrified that I was on it), and finally Oxcarbazepine, which seemed to work great.
When I say it worked, I mean that my moods were level, my thoughts didn't race in crazy spirals round my head, and I didn't periodically lose myself in depression.
But other stuff has happened since then. I have complex migraines and cervical dystonia. I have learned how to understand both these diseases, and prevent them messing up my life too much. It is obvious that they impact my moods and behavior.
I also don't have the alcohol/substance abuse problems that I did in the past. I worked hard at that and it's paid off.
Last year I was put on Adderall for my migraines and it has been transformative. I have never received an ADD diagnosis but since I started the Adderall my focus has been improved and I feel amazing.
Two weeks ago I ran out of Oxcarbazepine and my psychiatrist refused to renew the prescription as I hadn't seen him for 18 months. I have an appointment next week.
After the Oxcarbazepine wore off I got a little hyper for a few days, then really down, but snapped out of it. I feel fine now, although I am not sleeping especially well, but can get 6 hours a night. I did have a coworker tell me to slow down last week, he Said I was walking like I was going to kill someone. That's the only red flag I've had.
As the title says, I am doubting my diagnosis. I think a combination of ADD and intense migraine may account for some of my symptoms, and the rest may just be my personality. I still don't know what version of me the world will get when I wake up every day, but that might just be what I am like.
So how do you all tell the difference between emotions, moods, and mental illness? How can you be certain that your diagnosis is correct?

38 year old female here, Caucasian, non smoker. History of roux en y gastric bypass and full bladder removal. I had Type 2 diabetes before my surgery and now it’s resolved with diet and exercise plus major weight loss, of course. I take nexium, Zoloft 40mg, Lamictal 50 mg, Buspar 10 mg twice a day, and occasional Flexeril for muscle spasms and 1x weekly marijuana use. Might have a glass of wine a month.
Lately I’ve had weird symptoms. It took me a lot of time and thought to even piece it all together. The first thing I noticed was lightheaded feelings and fatigue. Heavy feeling in legs. This went on for awhile and I just kind of ignored it. Then I started having urinary symptoms - a little incontinence, mostly feeling urgency or feeling like I had to pee but couldn’t. I also have heart palpitations here and there. I just thought that was anxiety. I also have a lot of weird diarrhea and constipation that alternates, but that’s been going on for years. Then yesterday I was driving and felt that weird tired lightheaded feeling and my vision was blurry. I pulled over and figured it would pass but for 10 minutes or so, it persisted and I noticed double vision. I went to urgent care and they did an EKG and tested my sugar- it was 240- which is weird. They also sent me to the ER. I did not want to go but they were concerned about the blurry/double vision, so I went. They did another EKG and gave me a heart monitor to wear for 2 weeks. They also did orthostatic vitals. I didn’t notice a big difference between positions and my blood pressure. I just cannot fathom what could be going on here. It’s so many different bodily systems. I feel like I am just a crazy woman and a hypochondriac (my parents always gaslighted me when I was sick so I question myself) but these symptoms are real. I didn’t even put it all together until yesterday honestly.

I probably need 50 pills and to be completely out of it to be someone people want to be around but I'd like to start with just one pill. Unfortunately, I wasn't a good patient before and cannot remember which of these meds was more beneficial so between the two of them (Topamax and Lamictal) which one did you like the most?

So first off, I am doing great now, I am newly returning to therapy after watching the Netflix documentary “The Program” and hearing someone say something to the effect of “therapy was used as a tool of abuse, so although we all really need it, we don’t seek it out”
I have a husband and we have been together for 6 years, 3 dogs, and a house. I struggled with keeping a job in my 20s because my trauma from the troubled teen industry has spilled over into my life at times. I put myself through college slowly and now work in finance.
—- before chamberlain ——
I had behavioral and authority issues growing up. My mom would verbally abuse me and occasionally hit me (maybe 5 times in my whole life), but she would berate me for nothing, start a fight and kick me out of the car miles from my house and force me to walk home, she would then shower me with gifts and trips. I recognize now this is an abuse cycle, I did not know that as a child obviously.
My dad overdosed from oxy and booze when I was 11. He had been struggling with his addiction for a long time. My mom kept him away from us and we never saw it. He went to prison when I was 7 or 8 and he wrote letters saying he was in Africa.
My mom never wanted me. She got drunk when I was in my 20s and told me I was a “whoops baby” it put all of her behavior in perspective for me. She had presented me my entire life, it’s why I was scapegoated for everything wrong in her life rather than my two older sisters, my two older sisters would also misbehave, but never got treated like I did.
My behavioral issues were all verbal, I very rarely ever put my hands on anyone, but my upper middle class school did not have detention, just in or out school suspension. I was suspended if I refused to participate in something like gym, or if I said “fuck” I was marked as troubled and always got suspended, even if it genuinely was not my fault.
My mom would trick me into saying I wanted to die at the age of 10-12. It literally feels like watching cops interview and convince a mentally ill person to confess to a crime they didn’t commit. She would ask me if I was unhappy, and ya, I was. She would ask me if I “didn’t want to be here anymore” and like. Ya. This place sucks. I hated being angry and not having the emotional capability to realize my circumstance and rise above it. I didn’t have the words or thoughts outside my own experience. I thought everyone had what I had, I thought my mom was like all other moms. She would trick me into saying I wanted to die so she could put me in a locked unit for a week and go traveling or just have “a break” from me.
My two sisters never had this with her. They still speak to her and one of them even lives with her with her children. I see my mom with my baby nephew and I’m angry that she “gets” to move on.
My mom shopped me around to different psychiatrists until she found one who who tell her what she wanted. I went to 2 with no diagnosis, and the last on diagnosed me as “shows symptoms of bipolar” I was around the age of 12-13 at the time. He then put me on a range of drugs that made me a zombie. Lithium, reciprocal, Lamictal, and a bunch of names that I don’t remember.
I am currently seeing a therapist who said the most important thing I’ve ever heard, she said “your mom needed something to be wrong with you because then it wasn’t her fault”
CPS had been called anytime I let slip that my mom did something. They called her to tell her CPS was coming, she would tell me “ if they take you, you will be raped every day and locked in a basement. She would then clean the entire house and put on her best mom mask for the day. I would lie to CPS and say nothing was wrong. honestly, knowing what I know now about the system, I don’t think they would have taken me from her, they probably would’ve just made her take a class.
——— chamberlain ——-
I had a bully in public school and she was catty and mean. She spread a rumor about me and I confronted her. She called me a fucking cunt, a word that I was taught to never say. I called her a fucking bitch and I got suspended and she didn’t. I was in 8th grade at the time.
I was a mean little girl, don’t get me wrong. But of all the things to be the final straw, it is actually funny to me that it was this. I was so mean to some people and I’m surprised it wasn’t another thing.
My mom had had enough and pulled me out of school. She made the school pay for my chamberlain stay, because of “No Child Left Behind” I had a right to an education and the school “couldn’t provide” it.
We settled on chamberlain because at the time, I only had to wait 2-4 weeks to be able to go home (I really don’t remember the rule) but the next Harry Potter was coming out and we always went to the midnight showing when my dad was alive. It was a special thing that my mom kept up after he passed.
I was put into 3P, a “general” girls house. My house parent was Heidi but she was extremely pregnant and left. She was replaced temporarily with a woman whose name sounded like Martcia (maybe) they would all constantly say fucked up shit to us. They weren’t social workers, they were just there to make sure we behaved according to them.
Chamberlain boasts on their website that they take all sorts. Autism, schizophrenia, drug abuse, behavioral issues, and whatever else, they don’t talk about how they put all of those people in the same room and what that looks like. As someone who just had loose behavioral issues, being in a room with extremely aggressive people, I was constantly targeted and bullied. I was beat up a lot of times. I had my clothes stolen. I had items of mine stolen from both staff members and other students and I verbally, bullied by both staff and students.
I never had an eating disorder, but for some reason my file said I did. I was a really average weight and never binged and purged and I always ate everything on my plate, for some reason though they treated me like I was anorexic one of the house parent would go around and say things like “where are my little purgers?” After we ate to make sure we weren’t puking. If a 13-year-old girl is throwing up after a meal. They really should not be spoken to that way.
I had a couple friends, one of them, shortly after he left Chamberlain, overdosed and died. Another went on to basically block all of us and go no contact which I think is something that a lot of us have to do to get over it every once in a while, I’ll remember someone’s name and I’ll google them and I’ll see that they either died or were in jail multiple times for something like drugs, theft, or assaulting a cop.
It hurts to see that.
Eventually I got to be recognized as a non threat, non interesting student. I was moved to 32p, which is the admissions office, or was at the time. It had no cameras, and all of the girls that lived there were also high level, non risks.
I have really sensitive skin, this is so silly to talk about, but I get hives from walking through someone else’s perfume, and that hurts! sometimes it gets so bad that my skin starts to scab and really gross and basically fall off from the reaction. My house parents at 32P, Donna would assign me to vacuum and make me use this powdered substance on the carpet to then vacuum up and make the room “smell nice” the first time I had this chore. I got really bad hives on my chest and any exposed skin, including my face. The next time I got this chore, I asked if I could not use the powder and she looked at me And said, “but I like the smell”, I told her that I got hives and I asked her if I could switch with somebody else, but she made me do it anyway, and I got hives. She would always use it even though she saw that I was suffering and thinking back on it, I think she did it on purpose.
The good ones leave. At 32P I had two house parents, and forgive me if that’s not what they’re called but it’s like the head staff person in charge and then there are other staff around but at 32P we only ever had two staff because there were only like 7 of us, one of them was named Lindsey and she seemed to really understand how hard it was for us to be there. She was tough, but extremely fair. At 3P, it felt like you were never allowed to have fun, at 32P it felt like all you had to do was follow the rules, and then you could have fun. We would all sing and dance to music, we did karaoke in the car, on free iced coffee Day at dunks she would bring us all so we could get a free iced coffee. I find it really funny because these moments of joy at Chamberlain are a joke. Imagine reflecting on your time in a place and the only positive memory you have is that you got to sing in the car and get an iced coffee once a year.
Again, all of the girls in this house were not physical threats, not drug users, really pretty chill people all around. I was the youngest girl there, all of the other girls were 17 to 18 and I was 14 to 15. Lindsey ended up quitting to work in interior design, or that’s what they told us. Jobs like this are low paying and attract people who need a job, the people that stay are typically not great employees because great employees can do anything, and they can move on at any time. Very few staff members were “good people” I remember a lot of the staff who had been around the longest or some of the meanest — there were very few exceptions, Stephen Diggs was the nicest guy I’ve ever met and I wish that everyone there was like him. He treated us like people, not criminals.
Chamberlain was, at the time, a restraint first facility. Some staff members would purposely set off students with anger or autism just to restrain them. They would purposely upset a student who is known to get upset by saying things that they knew would trigger them just so they could restrain the. I regularly watched staff throw students across rooms for just being a little upset. I have trauma flashbacks of seeing young kids bodies bounce off of the ground. The first thing that they should do if a student is upset is get everybody to leave the room, that is not what they did while I was there.
I remember there was a student with Tourette’s, whose Tic was saying some phrase, I don’t remember what the phrase was, but a staff member would tease him by saying the phrase and getting him to freak out, and then they would restrain him.
I have some other loose memories, I have been repressing a lot of what happened there for a long time, and a lot of it is lost as I am now 31 years old and I was heavily drugged while I was at Chamberlain, but I remember that one of the students who was 18 years old, I think her name was Anna. She ran away with a teacher named Greg Rosenthal(?) Rosen-something. I also remember that a student who was from Bermuda ran away, when they caught her and made her come back, they forced her to take Plan B. I remember hearing about it directly from her, and I believe that that happened.
Staff would bully you and then reduce points if you reacted in any way, other than laughing it off, they would say things to make you feel small, then they would tell you to get over it. They would tell you that you’re misbehaving because you’re getting upset, even if they were the ones that said something wrong. In my adult life, I struggle to see red flags, because of the type of things that happened to me at Chamberlain, where something bad would happen and I would feel like something bad was happening and then a staff member would tell me to get over it and let me know if I should leave or not.
Chamberlain is not a therapeutic environment. I got therapy once a month because I was a nonproblem student. I saw students with larger issues than me have therapy once a week. All of the teachers and the staff are just trained to restrain you, they are not trained in therapy or how to de-escalate or anything.
They show off the good students on the website, I got to go to that flight school in Cape Cod and it was really cool, I was the only girl and the flight - Program and I remember having a crush on one of the boys and trying to hold his hand, I was maybe 14 at the time and one of the problems with Chamberlain is you cannot touch, and at that time that’s a normal thing to crave - human contact - a hug or holding hands is really normal and they take that away from you. I am so weird about physical contact now as an adult because if you touched someone you would fail to earn, I am comfortable with my husband, touching me, I don’t touch my friends, I haven’t hugged my sisters, it’s something that I am currently working on and I hugged my sister last week when I saw her and I’m proud of myself for that.
They will lie to your parents, I was aggressively assaulted by one of the students who was around 250 pounds (I was maybe 125 at the time) she was 16-17 and I was 12-13. she threw me to the ground and jumped on my back and beat me and I wanted to press charges, I was talked out of going to the hospital, Even though I had severe pain all over my body and I was really worried that I fractured something, I still have a scar on my back from her jumping on me and breaking my skin. I called my mom that night crying and I told her what happened and she asked to talk to my house parent. my house parents said that, I instigated it and insinuated that I deserved it. She then phrased to my mom - “What if your daughter had been the one to assault someone, you don’t wanna ruin this girl’s life by pressing charges”. They made me out to be a liar and I am not a liar.
I have never hit anybody in my adult life, I maybe hit a kid when I was very small, like 5 to 7, but what this girl did to me was absolutely brutal, and she walked me far enough away in the field and made me feel comfortable talking to her about a problem that we had against each other that I felt like was misunderstanding. She tricked me and it was premeditated and she jumped me.
Chamberlain put me in a classroom with people who were older than me, I was at the end of eighth grade and I was put in with 10th graders because I was ahead for their program I guess? I had already learned a lot and they put my learning ahead of where I was socially, they put me in a room with 15 to 16-year-olds who had a variety of different issues than me, including extreme drug abuse, schizophrenia, at the time “Asperger‘s“, bipolar, aggression, and it was really difficult. I was relentlessly bullied for months until a new girl came in. She was a little bit weirder than me and then she was the target and I felt so relieved.
——after chamberlain ——-
After Chamberlain, I went to a “in between school“ for about six months and then I returned to public school for my junior and senior year. I pushed Chamberlain into a box and acted like that was a different person, I acted like I was above it, and beyond it, and over it. I was very clearly not.
I graduated summa cum laude from my high school and had a loving, caring boyfriend and a stable relationship. I got into almost every college I applied to, including WPI, which was my reach school. I ended up going to UVM in Vermont for one year before dropping out because I was struggling so much socially and emotionally up there. I didn’t know how to have friends because of Chamberlain. It’s something that I still struggle with now. I ended up, dropping out and coming home to live with my mom, which was rough because she had abused me my childhood. I got a job in retail and got my associates degree, I eventually left retail to work in medical records in a hospital and felt that the only reason I kept that job was because it was a night job and I didn’t have to talk to anybody.
Eventually, I began working for myself doing weird a social media job, this worked for me for a really long time because I didn’t have to interact with anybody, and a lot of my audience were people who were not that great socially too, so I felt we were on similar footing. I eventually graduated college at the age of 29, I put myself through it a class at a time, not wanting to take on any student debt. During this time I had on and off jobs, a dog walker, a bartender, at a winery, as an administrative assistant, a part-time bookkeeper, I started a craft business that was successful for about three years, but I struggled to keep any job long enough because I was always a little odd. People love to meet me, they don’t like to get to know me.
I never had friends growing up, even after Chamberlain. I thought everybody hated me, and still think that way. When I went back to public school, a lot of rumors were spread about me about where I was, that I was in jail, Juvy, that I had a baby, it was all just crazy and I struggled to find people who wanted to talk to me and get to know me.
My mom continued to assert control over me until I left her house, she tried to charge me a lot of rent that I could barely afford so I couldn’t afford to save up so I could leave. because she wanted me to stay because if I stayed, then she could control me.
In my 20s, I tried a few times to approach my mom about my childhood, about Chamberlain, about her behavior, and it has never worked out. Obviously, I have a lot of negative feelings about what happened to me what happened because of her, and my behavior. It’s hard because, I take responsibility for what I can, but I was a child. The first time I was suspended, I was in kindergarten, that’s not normal. I felt that there was no one looking out for me my whole life. I had one really great therapist that gave me an “a-hah!” Moment. She said to me something like “your mom is always going to be this way, you can always expect her to be this way. The only thing that you can do is control how you respond to it.”
I decided last month to go no contact with my mom. She called me once last week and I picked up. We spoke for two minutes and I hope that’s it.
I don’t think she’s even realized that I’ve gone no contact because I live in a different state, and she genuinely does not care about me.
——- my actual diagnosis —- I have adhd and c-ptsd. I had behavioral issues because no child should have to be yelled at in the morning and sent to school and expect to behave.
If you have any questions, let me know.

Dizziness started in mid November 2021, went to Canberra on the 10th of December and I had my first near faint experience followed by high heart beat and palpitation.
Dizziness and lightheaded was followed till the 28th of December when I nearly fainted again and had really high heart rate: went to hospital. They did blood work and ecg couldn’t find a probable cause. Went to hospital again 3 days later and no findings were evident. Upon my 3rd visit to hospital X-ray was done off my chest and nothing was found. I was bedridden for 6 weeks, everyday was a battle for life, I felt like I was in septic shock everyday. I had to get iv fluids about 10 times because of dehydration, I sweated constantly with no appetite for water or food.
Symptoms
Lightheaded Dizziness Heart gets tired quickly Sometimes my arms and hands become a little numb. My head feels tension. heat in my abdomen, back and my ears get hot. Feels like a pulsating feeling through my body during a bad episode Sometimes left shoulder feels warm My eyes sometimes drop tears randomly Unable to concentrate at times Shortness of breath during episode There’s always a tense feeling in my chest and around my heart area. Sometimes hits my lower abdomen and I feel nausea makes my stomach make noises. I have difficulty sleeping my head spins more when I close my eyes. I wake up between 1-3am with a weird feeling as if I’m scared or something. Vision sometimes becomes blurry. Fatigue and tiredness. Little sudden Noises scare me. Whenever I have a episode that peaks, my hands and feet get sweaty and I feel heat. My hands and feet sometimes get cold. The feeling in my mid left chest area I can’t explain but it’s as if my muscles are vibrating. When I stand up it’s seems my head and chest symptoms get worse for about a minute and then settle down. Same thing happens when I lay down. It gets worse for a minute till it goes back to how it was. Sometimes I can feel it hitting my front part of my head and my sinus feels tense as well. As well as my ears feel the pressure. Lying down seems to reduce some tension in my head. I feel bad 80% of the day really bad 15% of the day and alright 5% of the day.
I believe my anxiety is chronic, it’s Been with me since a young age I just didn’t realise until it became severe. I do worry about everyday situation too much when I think about it now and believe things that aren’t even real. I got sick around November, one day I just woke up and I was dizzy and brain foggy. It was persistent and didn’t go away, over the next month it got worse until I got to a point I couldn’t breathe and got hospitalised. All tests came back negative and they sent me home. This was a on going cycle 6 times in and out of hospital, nothing was helping. So I went to my gp and she said it’s most likely anxiety. After this point I think I broke the anxiety inducing cycle. Even though my worries and trauma are past the physical and cognitive symptoms are still here or at least in my subconscious. My trauma last year was my business got burnt down by our competition and my now wife which was a fiancé back at the same time the store burnt in which I had trust issues with. My parents had told me she’s probably using me to gain citizenship etc, so I was always worried about this and thought she might not love me. So I believe these 2 events were too great for me.
Let’s go back to my childhood, my earliest memory is probably when I was around 10. If I would focus on my breathing it felt like I couldn’t breath anymore. I also had these unexplained spinning and dizziness at a young age during sleep time. Doctors couldn’t find anything. I was always a scared kid thinking about the worse case scenario that might kill me but in reality it was overthinking. In highschool a few times I nearly fainted out of the blue. Sometimes during sports I’ll hit a point where out of no where my heart would start racing and my breathing would become laboured. Sometimes over excitement caused this as well.
Now medications
Lexapro 40mg for 6 months, no benefits. Made me really bad during the first 2 weeks and kinda of settled after that, dumbed the depressive symptoms but that’s about it. Felt much better after coming off, it definitely made my condition worse. Derealisation, fatigue, tiredness, forgetfulness. All of it.
Zoloft 50mg for 18 days and 100mg for 3 days, had a panic attack on day 3 I thought it was Zoloft but found it to be thc later on. Discontinued Zoloft then. No benefits during the 18 days on 50mg and made my condition way worse.
Paxil 20mg for 2 months, probably one of the strongest reactions to any ssri, daily panic attacks losing my mind, as if there’s a laughter in my head but it’s my internal monologue creating it but still I was losing it. Pushed on for 2 months and it just made me worse as the days went on.
Agomelatine 20mg no benefits, daily panic attacks, took it for about 36 days.
Pristiq, I’m on day 54 and I’ve stopped taking it, my last dose was on Wednesday not sure how to stop. It’s making me worse, mood is swinging, brain fog and all other symptoms are reappearing on this medication.
Clonidine didn’t do much except relax my body alittle
Lyrica, knocked me out at 25mg and made me tired. No benefits.
Valium 5mg, very small relief, short benefits 3-5 hours, more of a muscle relaxant, addictive in nature.
Clonezapam 1mg, small amount of relief, short relief 3-5 hours.
Xanax 2mg, haven’t tried
Ativan 1mg only have tried 0.5mg and it didn’t do much.
Seroquel 25mg, good for sleep, couldn’t sleep for more then 4 hours for the last 5 years or so, now I get a solid 8 hours, it’s not a 100% good quality sleep but it gets the job done, I don’t feel tired through the day as before I got sick.
Epilim haven’t tried chickenend out
Lamictal discontinued on day 3 after developing rash
Lithium 500mg, 37 days. Left like losing my mind not sure if adverse reaction to the lithium or it was some kind of discontinuation I was getting from the lexapro.
Prozac 4 days to bridge off lexapro
My original physiatrist is Dr Ismail Raiz, he diagnosed me with, GAD, panic disorder, Agoraphobia, ocd, somatisation disorder. I respect him, though I haven’t gotten the results I want and he told me my only relief will be benzos as I haven’t responded to modern medicine.
I moved onto Dr Fatma Lowden after about 12 months of treatment with Dr Raiz, I’ve only seen her 3 times as she had to relocate to overseas and told me to see you and that’s howpq I came to know about you. She told me I might have another underlying mental condition that is causing the anxiety, she floated the idea of bipolar, thought she wasn’t too sure and said I’m an unusual case.
Thc/cbd oil, made me go full panic mode for 4 hours each time I tried it. Very similar to what I was feeling with the Paxil minus the laughter side effect.
Symptoms
Dizziness Burning tongue Headache Nausea Metallic taste in mouth Hot flushes Muscle pain and tension Fatigue Numbness in hands Pins and needles Brain fog Startled easily Blood pressure problems Heart feeling heavy Fast heart beat Feel like I’m dying Losing my mind Losing control Very negative thoughts Intrusive thoughts Hyper reactive Blurry vision Cold palms and feet Sweaty palms and feet Hot flushes Feeling sick / flu like Weak limbs Digestion problems Numbness Nightmares
Currently my biggest challenges are
I think I’m developing schizophrenia all the time, and I’m going to lose my mind.
I’m hyper vigilant and see things in the corners of my eye.
My physical symptoms cycle throughout the weeks and I’m never symptomsless. Physical or cognitive I always feel something.
My mind always feels like as if something is off,
As my overall condition gets worse my brain fogs becomes really bad and my hands and feet become so cold to the touch,
I become very forgetful
I can never stop thinking about my condition, my mind is occupied by it 24/7
When I go into crowded areas my physical symptoms become much worse, such as brain fog heart rate and jelly legs.
My internal monologue never shuts up and it’s always active.
Racing thoughts
When I’m on medications l as ssri’s I get irrational fears such as being allergic to nuts or something crazy. But seems to go away after a month when discontinuing the medication,
Lightheaded, feel like my neck muscles are so tense that my brain isn’t getting enough blood.
I’m hyper focused on all bodily functions physical or Cognitive, if I suspect something that is schizophrenic or damaging I get a mini panic attack. But panic attack do occur for no reason as well most of the times.
I’m in this state constantly let’s say chronically,
When my condition worsens and it’s at full flip, no amount of logic can override my thought process, I just believe I’m dying because the physical sensations are just toooo strong that I want to jump out of my skin. I don’t know how to explain it but it’s a weird feeling. Agitated state, dizzy, wobbly, can’t focus etc.
Something else is weird sometime when I’m having a super bad panic attack, such as my heart racing at 180bpm, my cognitive focus will be on my heart and my condition will disappear? I’ll actually feel normalised, mentally and physically. Something happed with the thc, my nausea and cognitive and physical symptoms had been relived but then panic set in. It’s like it suppressed the anxiety symptoms but aggravated the panic if that is possible. Sometimes if I truely focus on something, a lot of it all goes away for a few milliseconds. Kind of same feeling after a massive panic attack, when the panic subsides before it’s next hit I’ll feel my condition/anxiety problems actually settle to better then base levels before priming back up.
Mental illness problems are prevalent in my family,
Grandma had exactly what I’m dealing with maybe slightly different, she only got better after developing alzhimers this time around, apparently she relapsed a few times in her life.
Sister has mdd but is doing very well on venlafaxine 225g
Mum has anger issues maybe bipolar unsure.
Grandma’s issue was being left home alone gave her anxiety which is what I call active anxiety but after a while with continuous active anxiety it developed into passive anxiety, where’s it’s on autopilot without a trigger. Before alzhimers took my grandmas’s mind she told me in Turkish, I got sick because I was continually scared all the time and her referring to as sick is anxiety on autopilot or her nervous system breaking down from the stress idk which is which. But I’m on the same boat.
I’ve done all the physical body checkups before the anxiety diagnosis. Everything check out well physically.

I just got back from my first appointment with a new neurologist and I'm so over the moon about it that I need to share with y'all!
For the last three years I've seen a neurologist who I didn't like very much. I tried to stick with her because it's so hard to find a new doctor, and I worried I was complaining about petty things: she wasn't very friendly or talkative, and would stare at her computer screen instead of looking at me, and never really asked me questions or seemed interested in my answers. I figured we just had different communication styles, but that didn't necessarily mean she was a bad doctor. But her medical advice was almost always just "do more neck stretches," and she seemed reluctant to try any treatments other than the fioricet I've been taking for twenty years. When I finally insisted this winter that we try a preventative, she prescribed Topamax; I immediately started getting kidney stones, and SHE TOLD ME THAT WASN'T POSSIBLE AND I SHOULD INCREASE MY DOSE. That was the last straw. I quit Topamax and I'm never going back to her.
I FINALLY got in to see a new neurologist today (it took months to find someone with availability!), and the difference between them is NIGHT AND DAY. This new doctor does wild things like: asks me questions! looks like she's paying attention to my answers! smiles! seems genuinely interested in my concerns! presented me with a range of treatment options! explains all of the side effects! tells me she's committed to finding the right treatment plan for me! I'D HONESTLY FORGOTTEN THIS KIND OF INTERACTION WAS POSSIBLE, THE BAR IS SADLY SO LOW
The whole thing makes me SO MAD at my old neurologist all over again! I wasted years with a doc who didn't seem to ever give a shit about me, because I was afraid to look elsewhere. BETTER DOCTORS EXIST
I don't know if the new doctor is actually going to make a difference in my migraines, of course, but the point is: I feel like I'm being listened to! And that counts for so much.

Short version:
First what was experience with going off?
Did you need to introduce another medication as you were reducing lamictal?
If you did, what options to second gen antipsychotics worked well (fewest side effects possible being a big driver for trying them out). So abilify, seroquel, depakote, risperdal and latuda are OUT for me. I am interested esp if anyone has had success with Trileptal and Topamax
Long version if you want to read.
I have been on Lamictal for decades (I am 61)and while it has been great for moods (I have drug resistant depression or bipolar depending on the doctor) it is causing more and more confusion to the point where i am getting checked for Alzheimer's, my husband is also concerned with how bad it has gotten lately. I was def forgetting more from the time I started Lamictal, but now it's just not acceptable to function.
My aunt reminded me that my uncle (blood relative) had what looked like dementia after a while so I am planning two months to reduce (I'm was on 300, now on 225)
I am not really convinced my osteopath/psychiatric practitioner is really going to know as much as you guys (in fact he suggested buspar was the culprit which seemed bizarre). Yes it would be great to find a psychiatric practitioner with different training my insurance sucks and at least he is pleasant and tries.
I will have another appt with him this week for the weaning off but i am aware that my mood may drop and i will need to get on something else before I am completely done. I want ideas to suggest to him since i am not sure this is in his wheelhouse.
My father had a HORRIFIC experience with abilify and that is why i want to stay away from the second gen antipsychotics. From my research (anecdotal and other) two other mood stabilizers that may work are Trileptal and Topamax.
Thanks for all responses

This is a long post, but just attend to the bold/italicized statements and header if you want to avoid the word vomit, apologies and thanks in advance. As I await my (28F) next appointment with my psychiatrist, I am reading a self help book recommended from my therapist and realized they may be right; I experience textbook symptoms of both BPD and BP2, more BPD than BP2. I hear people could be both (not looking for diagnosis/confirmation). I currently take Vyvanse and Adderall (on for a month now) and Lamictal (on the day of this post, it will be day 4th day on it), daily. I have medication for my anxiety as needed (not looking for medication suggestions/help). I want to advocate for myself for what my doctors do not see outside of our discussions, and seek examination for BPD on top of my already diagnosed BP2 (26F). I am currently in a period of what I hypothesize as mania (talking more, pacing house, hyperfixated on current activity for hours, staying awake 22 hours at a time) due to a triggering relationship situation that caused me to be verbally abusive (cursing, wishing ill and harm), physically manipulative (blocking their car to leave), self harming/thought (hitting my head, bruising my thighs, picking skin until bleeding) and obsession/compulsion (290+ calls, text after text). Since 20 years old, I have had romantic relationships on and off, as well as an unbalanced relationship with family members, and inconsistent relationships with friends. With family, I am defiant, dismissive, passive aggressive, and outright rude. I was always called Jekyll and Hyde. If anyone in family went against my ideas or I felt my autonomy was being attacked, I would flip a switch. In romantic relationships, I began with doing everything for them, never advocating for myself, completely selfless to a flaw. I experienced a variety of abuse. As for friends, I never stuck with a friend group long. They would leave me out of one hangout, and I would breakdown. I remember I was in Hawaii with my family once and all of them had a bonfire in the mountains; I ruined the day for my family because all I did was focus on what I was missing. At 26 I was diagnosed ADHD, BP2, and GAD. It has been two years. My family relationships have come down due to me living away. My friendships have also come down due to living away and a lot of it is online, which I can mask easily of being ok. My relationship triggers though, have been debilitating my life. Partner doesn't answer my phone call, they say they can hangout then cancel, they reject my initiation for intimacy, we hold hands but they pull away without telling me even though its because they tie a shoe or something silly... These triggering situations cause me to become absolutely inconsolable. I feel like I am in physical pain, I relentlessly try to contact them if they are away and if they are close to me I go straight to verbal attacks, I see no way out, and I want to crawl out of my skin. /// TLDR; attend to questions below /// My questions are:

• Are you diagnosed BPD along with other things?
  • Were you misdiagnosed or did you get another one after advocating for yourself?
• What did you do to track your moods, if you did?
  • Daily? Hourly? Weekly?
  • Color coded charts? Did you find an online chart or create it yourself?
• What helped you decipher the differences between one mood and another?
  • ie. mania verus baseline versus depression versus 'typical'
• How do you cope with shame, embarrassment, and/or guilt after your reactions/episode/meltdown to triggers/situations?
  • If you are on the receiving end of the verbal attacks or actions of someone, how did you best cope that I could maybe advise my loved ones to try?
• Any advice on being patient with medication trials and errors? \* apologies in advance if you have had adverse/life threatening side effects.*
• What can someone who wants to try DBT ... **I have done EMDR for the mentioned abuse and am currently in CBT.
  • expect when searching for someone?
  • expect at first appointment?
  • do to prep for the hurting and healing?
• Do you have podcast(s) or book recommendations to help you survive this mental health journey?

First I want to say that I know from reading these posts that this drug has worked well for you and I'm happy for you. I hope you all get to the weight you are comfortable with.
This drug did not work for me. I started 1/31 and ended 4/11. During this time I was the hungriest I have ever been in my life and normally I don't have problems with hunger control. I ate 1100-1200 calories a day and tracked that consistently. I weighed everything and used My Fitness Pal. I had been drinking between 96 and 110 ounces of water a day. On 3/1 I started back at the gym. I'm doing 5 days a week and will continue to do so. My weight loss was small. Only 6 pounds in that amount of time. Cost was $56 a pound.
The side effects are what made me stop. I noticed vision changes shortly after I increased my dose to 11.25/69. I have eye pain and blurry vision that is different every day. I also had a headache every night that felt like my head was going to split open from the top. On top of that my brain isn't functioning properly. I couldn't read and understand a crochet pattern and I have been able to do this for 40 years. I can't remember names of people or simple objects. The day I had an appointment with my doctor I had difficulty remembering how to get to her office when I was half way there.
At my appointment my pulse was 111, blood pressure was 149/78, high for me, and my pulse ox was 91 which I thought was odd.
When my doctor came into the room she immediately started ranting about how much time she and her nurses were spending trying to get patient approvals for Zepbound and Ozempic. That she was staying late at night doing that and there were legitimately sick patients that needed her time and she wasn't able to give them the time they needed. I had not mentioned Zepbound at all. Maybe what set her off was walking in and seeing I was still fat. When I tried to get back to my vision issues she started writing things down, then opened her computer to put in an order and called in the nurse that does the pre-authorization paperwork. She didn't seem as worried about my vision as I was or the brain issues I had been having which was the main reason for the appointment. She didn't look at my vitals or my weight loss. I'm thankful my sister is a nurse and had been taking Topamax for her seizures and recently stopped. One of her side effects was vision changes as well. She told me to stop because it can increase eye pressure but I wanted to wait until I saw my doctor.
So, this is day 3 without taking it. My vision still isn't good but last night I didn't have a headache, slept well, which hasn't happened in 3 months, and I'm not the least bit hungry right now. Maybe it just didn't agree with my brain chemistry.
Good luck to all of you. ♥️

Hey everyone,
I (34F) was finally diagnosed last March after having to physically hand my psych a CMHA assessment that I printed out at home. I was put on concerta, alongside Zoloft and Lamictal for BP2.
It worked immediately. It’s like my brain finally got a chance to relax, like I walked into a quiet room where I could finally think without a million different conversations going on in the background.
The next few months were amazing. I was finally able to work, and was productive for the first time in years. I could remember things like people’s names and where I put things down. I could schedule my day and feel confident that I could stick to it. It felt like I was on track for the first time in my life.
Then seasonal depression hit in the fall, and it’s been a downward spiral ever since. My memory was going again, the energy was gone, my motivation was in the toilet. I wanted nothing to do with Christmas. If it hadn’t been for my kids, I wouldn’t have bothered.
My psych increased my Zoloft and Concerta, and it seemed to help a little, but 8 weeks later I was worse than I had ever been. I got lost in my own house. I would go into feedback loops where I would do the same things over and over, tell the same stories to the same people multiple times. My processing delay was so bad that my kids started asking if they needed to repeat themselves. I could not shower. I could barely leave the house.
At some point in February I fucked up and put my old, lower dose concerta in my organizer, and started feeling better with no idea why. At the end of the 2 weeks, I went to refill it and figured out what I had done. My psych approved going on a lower dose, and we increased my Lamictal instead.
Since then it’s been another slow decline. I’m forgetting things again, I can barely transition between tasks. I cannot get the things done that I need to. My days literally fly by and it feels like I’ve done nothing. I’ve stopped taking on work with deadlines again.
I’m so lost. I have BP2 with treatment resistant depression, and I’m terrified that this will be equally difficult to treat. I haven’t had stability for longer than 6 months my whole adult life. I truly felt like my ADHD diagnosis was going to be the missing piece.
Has anyone else experienced wildly fluctuating symptoms like this? I desperately want the concerta to not be the problem, because it worked so well at the beginning, and I can’t imagine having to switch stimulants as often as antidepressants 😣

UPDATE: Gaba was finr but it just doesn’t do it for me as a mood stabilizer so I switched to trileptal: thanks all :)
Hi!
BPD (borderline)-OCD-PTSD(might be C-PTSD) sufferer here!
I took lamictal, was allergic, like couldn't breathe, the hydroxyzine didn't help. I'm coming off it on Thursday and slowly integrating topamax. I like topamax even better than lamictal honestly. Lamictal treated the BPD, but maybe because topamax is for migraines, it's treating the OCD too even at just 12.5 mg (but I am taking 25 mg lamotrigine for 3 more days tapering off). Neither of them are giving me mental side effects, I'm doing well mentally but my body is rejecting them. I'm hoping it fades as I fully come off of lamictal fully and go into 25 mg topamax on Thursday morning, but it might not.
I'm getting a genesight test that'll come in a few weeks, but my psych told me gabapentin is next in line if I'm allergic to topamax as well so I wanted to ask if it's different enough where I wouldn't be allergic. Also the effects too. Do either of y'all like it as much as lamictal or topamax?
Thanks so much!

Hi, I'm 20 years old, and have questioned my status as a system for years (probably since age 14-15 or so). I come here looking for an honest opinion. Obviously, I know y'all aren't doctors but I don't want to talk to the echo chamber of online systems either. Currently professionally diagnosed with BPD, recurrent depressive episodes + dysthymia, adhd, and c-ptsd (though, i reckon cptsd isnt in the DSM5, my therapist wanted to emphasize that my trauma had been extremely repetitive over the course of my entire childhood beginning at age 3). Medications I take are Effexor and Topamax and Concerta if that is relevant.
Anyways, for the meat of this post, basically I've long since thought there was something "more" to me. I got diagnosed with BPD at age 16 after the rest of the diagnosies were already in place, since 16 is typically the minimum age a therapist will diagnose a personality disorder. If you still feed into the myth that its straight up impossible to diagnose adolescents with personality disorders, I beg you to do your research. It is uncommon and not recommended, but at this point my therapist had been seeing me weekly for three years. I still see her biweekly.
The problem would be that due to the covert nature of such a diagnosis (whatever it would be if I did turn out to be a system, my personal research leans toward PDID but I don't consider myself educated enough to self diagnose something like that, even as a psych major graduate), it is theoretically entirely possible that neither my therapist of 7 years nor me would have any clue about the existence of a system if I did have one.
You may be wondering at this point, is this just a case of a psychology loser feeding into some delusion and going off the deep end, thinking they're different or special? I ask you to reconsider. For one, I knew about DID before it was popularized online at all, due to my interest in psychology. At the time i learned about it, though, it was a mere interest. I have never thought to myself "I envy them" or "I want to have this." In later years, it simply became one of many possibilities to narrowing down the cause for my chronic dissociation, lack of a concrete personality state, memory issues, etc.
However, the issue also comes that almost every OSDDID symptom exists in BPD and C-PTSD on a smaller scale, as suggested by theory of structural dissociation. This becomes especially of interest when taking into consideration the unique response people with BPD have to ego states and modes, often having some dissociation and identity disturbance between those. So, the possible answer is perhaps forever unclear.
Anyways, I just wanted to leave this here in hopes you all might have some insight. I know this isn't primarily the subreddit's purpose, as I am not a faker since I don't consider myself a system, just questioning what is going on in my head, but I know many of you all have a decent amount of knowledge on the matter.

I was diagnosed with epilepsy 2 years ago. I’ve been on multiple different anticonvulsants and most didn’t work or had extremely bad side effects. I’m on Briviact and Lamictal. These meds have destroyed my sex drive and I’m more depressed than I’ve ever been. I mean I’m a 21 y/o woman and I’m supposed to be living it up rn. I’ve tried many many antidepressants that didn’t work but omg Wellbutrin was amazing. Your not supposed take Wellbutrin if you have epilepsy but nothing else has ever made me feel so great. Has anyone here taken anticonvulsants and Wellbutrin together? What was your experience? When I was on Wellbutrin before I was diagnosed there was no difference between the seizures I had on Wellbutrin vs the seizures I had without Wellbutrin.I want to be interested in the things I used to love again.

For context, I'm 23F and I was started on Zoloft in January. I started with 4 days of 25mg, then bumped up to 50mg nightly.
I have been on various psychiatric medications of various classifications for over a decade. My first psychiatric medication was Prozac at age 11 or 12. At 13, I was started on Risperdal, my first antipsychotic. Over the years, I've taken a LOT of different medications for varying periods of time.
Psychiatric medications I've been prescribed and taken through the years: SSRIs: Prozac, Zoloft, Lexapro SNRIs: Cymbalta, Effexor Antipsychotics: Risperdal, Geodon, Ability, Haldol, Saphris, Latuda, Zyprexa, Seroquel Mood stabilizers (of various drug classes): Lithium, Topamax, Lamictal Stimulants: Adderall, Ritalin, Vyvanse Anti-anxiety (also various classes I believe): Buspar, Gabapentin Benzodiazapines: Klonopin, Ativan, Valium, Librium Sleep-aids (various classes): Trazodone, Restoril
The extensive amount of different medications I've been prescribed throughout the years is due largely to an uncountable amount of psychiatric emergencies I've had throughout the years, as well as providers trying different medications cocktails through trial and error to figure out what works best. Uncertainty in a specific diagnosis was also a large contributing factor through my teenage years, since many of the symptoms that needed immediate treatment were also not commonly diagnosed at the age of my onset. Plus, five 5250 holds ranging from 3 days to 12 days (averaging around no less than 9 days per admittance) tends to be a big factor, since in my experience, physicians tend to prescribe a lot of things as trial and error while you're in a state of emergency whilst also being under the 24/7 supervision that comes with psychiatric hospitalization.
To this day, I'm not entirely certain what my exact issues are, even though I've been seeing the same psychiatrist for over five years routinely and I had only seen one other prior for around 4 years (she was pediatric only, so I switched when I turned 18) but this is my current diagnostic list:
-Schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type -Borderline personality disorder -Generalized anxiety disorder -PTSD -ADHD -Bulimia nervosa (formerly anorexia nervosa, and even more formerly, ARFID) -Substance use disorder (mostly in recovery) -Specific phobia (emetophobia)
While this is my clinical list, my day by day struggle is most heavily with BPD & severe anxiety. I've been diagnosed with GAD since elementary school age.
As you can see, definitely a lot of different factors in what might have caused the reaction I had to Zoloft, so I'm not positive that it was only the Zoloft and that's why I wanted to include all of this background information. I know each case is super different, and I don't want to scare anyone who is taking Zoloft or may soon be prescribed with it by making a generalization about the medication itself. So many factors go into this including genetics, medication and mental health history, reason for use, dosage, other medications of any kind or supplements, etc. It's super different for everyone, and I've clearly got a lot of things to consider as factors, but I wanted to share my experience with Zoloft since I'm wondering if anyone else has dealt with the same.
At the time of being prescribed and starting Zoloft, I was taking it in conjunction with my last few days of weening from Valium, along with a medication called benztropine which I've been on for a few years now to control unwanted movements and tics I've developed from other medications I've taken in the past (the term is dystonia).
I took Zoloft for around two months, and at first the side effects were very minimal if any. A few days in, I began having severe panic attacks multiple times per day, which I hadn't dealt with in years. Although, I'm pretty positive this was due to the weening off of Valium. I'd been prescribed daily benzodiazapines for the last few years, and weening off them is extremely difficult, so the return of the symptoms they had originally been prescribed for was expected. I ended up needing an urgent, day-of appointment with my psychiatrist around a week and half or two in because the amount of panic attacks and the severity of them was very quickly causing my mental state and life in general to deteriorate. I wasn't able to attend classes (university student) or even leave my dorm for a short walk or a drive to the grocery store without having a full scale panic attack. I wasn't able to eat much or sleep much and I felt very ill all the time from the amount of anxiety I had. I tried taking CBD gummies for about a week, but they didn't do much of anything. My psychiatrist put me back on my previous dose of Valium and instructed me to continue with Zoloft. The plan is to attempt weening again in the summer when I won't have such a busy academic structure to adhere to. I really dislike being dependent on benzodiazapines and I've tried multiple times throughout the last few years to medically ween and use alternatives like gabapentin and Buspar, but they've never been effective enough for daily functioning unfortunately. It's still something we're working on. It is noteable though that I haven't had any significant dose increases on any of the benzodiazapines I've been prescribed long term, the only times I was ever upped in dosage was for short-term PRN during crisis times. Other than that, I've only been taking the typical starting or maintenance or whatever dose daily.
Upon getting back on Valium, my panic attacks lessened in severity and frequency again fairly quickly and for a week or two it seemed the regimen in general was working for me. That is, until I started experiencing sudden and servere brain fog. I've experienced brain fog many times before, but the level of severity was terrifying, especially because of the sudden onset of it and the very rapid deterioration in the following few days/week or so. Despite all of my anxieties day to day, I'm typically a very clear thinker. I do tend to have attention problems (typical from my ADHD) but aside from that, my brain has been very active at all times for my whole life. I'm always thinking about something, usually a LOT of things at once, actually. Within a few days, I went from that baseline to having so much brain fog I was unable to have a train of thought that lasted longer than maybe a minute at best, and if anything happened around me (i.e. someone else talking, a noise, etc.) it would just completely derail immediately. Then the next moment, I wouldn't even remember remotely what I was thinking about or talking about. I had increasing difficulty following day to day average conversations. My fiance and I live together and we are always chatting about all kinds of different things. It quickly became hard to even follow or hold a basic conversation with him, the person I know best in the world. This caused me terrible fear and anxiety and meltdowns, I was worried I was losing all cognitive ability permanently and I was just terrified that I could no longer hold conversations or keep my thoughts even remotely straight. My paternal grandmother has Alzheimer's, and I begin to panic even more since I realized a lot of what I've heard from family that happened to her as it progressed mirrored what I was going through (even though I'm only 23.)
I attempted to research and find reason for why I was quickly losing my cognitive abilities, but even this proved difficult since id often open Chrome on my phone to look up a question I had just thought of, and by the time I opened the browser I had no idea what I was even going to look up anymore. I eventually thought about googling Zoloft and brain fog, and found a decent amount of people experiencing similar. What scared me was that a lot of them said even if it lessened, it hadn't completely gone away and they were years into treatment.
I was so terrified that I quit Zoloft that night. I never took it again. It's been a few weeks and my mind is back at baseline, which I'm so grateful for. It was extremely terrifying to go through, especially since I'm in college and that requires a lot of clear thinking. I was terrified about not only failing classes this semester and having that drop my GPA and result in losing honors status or scholarships, but also that I may never get my cognitive function back and be able to complete my degree, ever. It was so scary.
I'm sorry that this is so long, but I wanted to share my experience, and see if anyone else has had similar issues and how you've coped with it. And of course, I definitely DO NOT recommend quiting a medication before talking to your care team. I'm well aware there's a lot of risk in that, but at the time i was so terrified and desperate that I did it anyway. I'm very lucky to have not experienced adverse effects from quitting that way. Quitting Prozac on my own that way when I was 12 because I believed I was cured and I was fine caused a huge spiral that lasted months at minimum. Please DO NOT discontinue medications on your own!!!!
Thank you if you've read this. Sorry it's so long.
TDLR: 2 months or so into Zoloft treatment I dealt with extremely heavy and worsening brain fog to the point of being almost completely unable to keep up day to day conversations.

i’ve never heard of berberine until now… i saw a comment saying it’s like a natural metformin. which i used to take to aid in my PCOS and insulin resistance.
i had finally met my goal weight but from mid 2023-now i gained it all back. i feel so stuck and hopeless about my weight and trying to craft up a journey i can stick too.
i have been browsing for awhile now, there seem to be quite a few different berberine supplements. what are the differences between them all? where do i even start?!
i take 150mg of lamictal, and i’m wondering if any of you have experienced issues with berberine while being on mood stabilizers/anti-depressants.
i’d appreciate any insight! thank you!

Just felt like sharing my success with Wellbutrin. I’m so beyond happy with the way this medication has helped me. I’ve tried a ton of meds between antidepressants and things like Abilify , topamax, mood stabilizers etc and nothing helped me and I felt so hopeless. Wellbutrin literally made me a completely different person and made me stop drinking which was a big problem for me. I had been struggling for over a decade and didn’t see a way out or light at the end of the tunnel at all so this is like a miracle medication to me. I also quit smoking cigarettes which I didn’t even plan on doing but I just didn’t care for them anymore after a couple weeks on wellb and now when I try to have one it’s so gross to me. It has done nothing but positive things for me. I was depressed, unmotivated, anxious af and an addict and I am seriously no longer any of those things 🤷‍♀️ It’s truly amazing. If Wellbutrin has a million fans, I am one of them. If Wellbutrin has one fan it is me. If Wellbutrin has no fans then I am dead. My entire life I was always so stuck in my head and anxiety ridden but now I’m able to put all the thoughts in my brain to life. I go to the gym everyday, going to work isn’t all that bad, I have goals now, I appreciate the little things, I laugh and smile again, I see my friends again. I can’t explain it exactly but yea, thanks wellbutrin 🥺🥹

21 year old female here. Diagnosed as on the autism spectrum as well as generalized anxiety disorder.
I've had a history of depression since I was at least 12 years old. The depression probably started earlier than that but that is when I was diagnosed.
Since then, I've been on a battery of different medications. First an SSRI that made me extremely irritable. That gave way to Abilify. Ability stopped working as at around the age of 13, I started cycling between extreme giddy moods and then very low moods. Then it was seroquel for 4 years. I went off seroquel cold turkey at 17.
I remained unmedicated until last year, February where I tried Lamictal which finally made my depression less unbearable. Before the Lamictal, I was constantly agitated, chronically suicidal, and pretty much operating on a hair trigger. I attempted suicide multiple times but the most serious attempt at 18 resulted in an overdose for which I was never hospitalized for. I can't say that I've had many up moods. Mostly moods where I've been unable to sleep, food tasted like cardboard and my mind raced with all the dark and depressive thoughts and my impulses felt utterly unmanageable. My self harm reached its peak during this time
Granted why I question my diagnosis is due to the fact I've had a history of childhood trauma. I have a long pattern of relationship instability where I push people away hard when I feel that they get too close to me. I have a lot of sensation seeking behaviors. Binge eating was one. I went through phases of over exercise and hypersexuality. I do feel a sense of emptiness but I'm not sure how much is this is me being a 20 something year olf trying to find a path in a... pretty shitty job market and whatnot.
I wonder now if something like BPD is a more apt diagnosis rather than bipolar disorder at this point or if this is moreso a confluence of childhood trauma with a rather atypical mood disorder.

this is my first reddit post and i dunno how to make this short because i feel like more context is needed but ill just give the meat and potatoes of it and hope i do this right.
i [20F] just started two new medications on top of upping a dosage on my adhd medication. i am only sharing these for help in maybe someone who takes similawith similar dosages can share their experiences?
currently, as of thursday, i am on: Vyvanse- 50mg once a day (just got upped from 40mg) Lamictal- 250mg, split between two pills taken daily (one in morning & one in evening) Buspirone- 30mg twice a day (60mg altgthr) Duloxetine- 30mg once a day (new) Quetiapine- 25mg, 1-2 daily as needed for insomnia (new)
i have not taken the quetiapine yet, but today is day two of the newer things. i have been on adhd medication since i was 9, so ive had randomly dilated pupils before, but my pupils have been pretty largely dilated ever since i took my first dose yesterday morning at 8am (it is currently 6pm when writing this where i am). not only my pupils, but i have felt so gitchery. i have been shaking like i just cannot keep steady, i am thinking a million miles a minute, i feel almost like adhd paralysis level but it just feels different. i am getting headaches and have been super nauseous. Iam used to the feeling of adjusting to stimulant medication, like VERY familiar with it, but i dont ever remember it feeling this intense.
i also am a very big pothead. ik someone will probably say im crazy for that how many medications im on, but it is helping me with pain management because i suffer from early-on set rheumatoid arthritis and i will not be taking any more of those arthritis medications, so it is what helps. it also helps me sleep and it helps me with my anxiety a lot, as well as my sciatica, and it helps me to eat bc the meds make that hard. i am perfectly fine with reducing my usage, but not giving it up.
anyways, my question is: has anyone else gone through this? am i starting to experience serotonin syndrome? i am not asking for a diagnosis, but i need some gauge here bc im also a slight hypochondriac so im worried, but i don't want to possibly put my life in danger bc i was ignoring signs. please help? any advice would be amazing advice. i am just scared.
even any suggestions on side effects u felt from any of those med combos or meds in general would help ease my mind too. thank you to anyone who read that all, i greatly appreciate you. <3