Please note this is the original submission I sent Refinery29. In the current post,they have given me a second credit card with a 100$ balance, as well as generational trauma from World War II and cut context for other things. I am trying to get that fixed.
Per previous discussion in comments here: The espresso machine is a Bezzera, which ranges from 2-5K. We got ours on sale for 1.7K, it’s a work house and we use it everyday, still hurts that we spent that money on a coffee maker.
I do understand mortgage is debt but when you compare it to rent to a lesser value condo in Vancouver it feels like not debt at all, which is how I tend to think of it. Yes I owe my mortgage but also I get my house instead of renting-which may not have become clear.
Please see in full the diary, below (edit for formatting via mobile)
Occupation: Sr Business Analyst
Industry: Tech
Age: 30
Location: Vancouver Island, BC
Salary: 92,000$ (Spouse makes 60,000$ for a combined income of 152,000$ before tax)
Net Worth: ~ 1.2 Million ( house is valued at 989,000$ currently, we have a combined 150,000 in pension, and ~60,000 in various company stocks, and GICs)
Debt: 3,000$ in a zero interest credit card for a 10 month period. We balanced transferred and pay 400$/month. Debt was acquired in Q4 2023 when we had to buy Snow Tires, and do a full break replacement as well as Christmas. 480,000$ in a mortgage, we refinanced in September 2023 for five years fixed rate at accelerated biweekly, however I don’t consider our mortgage debt due to the equity we are gaining, and that our mortgage for a five bedroom, 3 bath single family home is less than rent for a two bedroom condo in Vancouver
Paycheck Amount (Every 2 Weeks): 2,555$ after taxes. (Just mine). Spouse makes 2,308$ after taxes. Our pay periods are alternating.
Pronouns: She/her
Monthly Expenses Mortgage: 1450$ biweekly (100$ extra to the principal).
Utilities: ~200$ (includes water [paid quarterly], hydro [paid bimonthly], gas, sewetrash [paid quarterly] phone [highly discounted due to work plans for spouse and myself] and car gas) Loan Payments: 400$/Credit Card
Car Insurance: 84$
Life Insurance: 167$ combined (67$ me, 100$ spouse)
Health & Dental Insurance: 60$ deducted from pay (coverage for myself and spouse from my employer. Spouse also has coverage for both of us deducted from pay)
Retirement Contribution: 400$ (Employee matches me), (Spouse has a defined pension through work and contributes ~200$ month)
Union fees: 70$ Spouse
Subscriptions: Crave 22$/month (Recent splurge for Binge watching the Rookie), Playstation Plus 100$ (annual bought on Black Friday Deal), Amazon Prime 80$ (Annual), BCAA 120$ (annual) Gym 30$/month (we both have one so 15$/pp)
Note: My spouse and I have completely commingled finances. I will be tracking both as it’s essentially I spent whatever they spent
Was there an expectation for you to attend higher education? Did you participate in any form of higher education? If yes, how did you pay for it?
There was always the expectation. My father was very clear, we were very smart. There was no way we’d be wasting our potential. He wanted me to be a lawyer, but unlike other immigrant parents, I got to choose my major and went into social sciences and got my masters in history. I deferred my PhD too much so I got dropped by the program.
I chose my university by where I got a full first year scholarship and then after that took about 15k in student loans for my undergraduate. My parents paid my rent and I got a part time job for food.
For my masters, I had a student line of credit and 5 k student loans otherwise it was all my savings and scholarships. With the line of credit, I had a total of 30K in student loans and paid it off in about four years.
Growing up, what kind of conversations did you have about money? Did your parent(s)/guardian(s) educate you about finances?
Save. We talked about how you get a dollar allowance and half of it goes into long term saving with 25% in short term and 25% in spend.
Investing came after I was eighteen. Family would like us to invest in property, however I don’t really want to be a landlord, but also we wouldn’t get to really enjoy profit of owning a rental property due to other family circumstances.
What was your first job and why did you get it?
Ice cream parlour I was twelve and my parents made me get it for responsibility. I lasted three weeks because I hated it.
Did you worry about money growing up?
I grew up thinking we were not rich, because we didn’t get big plane vacations (I didn’t count flying from Toronto to Vancouver every summer as a vacation since we were just seeing family but staying in a house my parents owned) and I had only been to Disney twice.
But we had a big new build house in the rich end of town, my mom stayed home to raise all of us. We had to work for things (like going to see a movie opening night or a new CD) but we always had money and got what we wanted. In retrospect, my family was/is fairly well off.
Both my parents grew up poor, with parents working multiple jobs and different shifts to make ends meet, the strive/drive to not have that childhood, and for my father to be able to retire his parents really impacted mine and my siblings and cousins lives. My father showed me the apartment he grew up in Chinatown a few years back. It’s light years away from the house my grandparents owned when I was a kid and how I grew up.
Do you worry about money now?
Of course. Inflation is real and we are actively planning a wedding for the next year, as well as a baby in the next few years. We also need to buy a second car, so we’re saving for that.
At what age did you become financially responsible for yourself and do you have a financial safety net?
Fully financially responsible? Twenty five. I lived in a family property where I didn’t pay rent in one of the most expensive cities in Canada, so even though I paid all my bills (food and phone), I didn’t have to pay rent. I in fact made money, as I rented rooms out and used the income for house utilities, and paying my student loans down faster. When I moved in with my spouse, I just paid condo fees until we bought our house two years ago which gave me plenty of time to save.
Our financial safety net is family, and our savings. I know my family would bail us out. My spouse’s father would as well. Conversely, we are my spouse’s mother's safety net and we have to keep all our plans in mind that we will be subsidising her.
Do you or have you ever received passive or inherited income? If yes, please explain. Yes, I received 50K from my parents once they sold my childhood home, as did both of my siblings. I have also received 10K from one set of grandparents which paid off my car and part of my student loans when I was 21. I will be receiving another inheritance when probate is done for around ~100K. My spouse also has received inheritance which allowed them to buy their first condo in their early twenties when the market was much better. That condo, 50k, and the subsequent upgrading helped us afford our house.
Day 1
10 AM: I drive to the pharmacy to pick up a prescription. Not how I want to start my Sunday morning but y’know. Normally I’d walk since it’s about 20 minutes but I have a UTI. I’m “lucky” that despite not having a dr because of the health care shortage, my work pays for the Maple app so I could get a dr to write the prescription and order the lab work at 1 am. I’ll do the lab work later this week when I can get an appointment but will take the relief now. Insurance makes the antibiotics free, but I also buy hydrogen peroxide because we’re out and we have a dog that thinks everything is meant to be in her mouth. We’ll buy a bigger one at Costco later. I also bought some oral wound mouthwash because we were out. I come home and my spouse made us breakfast.
Total: 15.90$ paid with debit.
1-2:30 PM: We do our taxes. I have a mini meltdown when I realize the part time bakery job I had for a few months didn’t take off income tax last year, so I owe 800$. Luckily, my partner is getting a refund so we net out positive 400$. The bakery took off income tax in 2022, so unsure why they didn’t in 2023. I made us lunch.
3-6:30 PM: We walk the dog, and watch the Rookie. Some time during that time period, a venue emails us back and is surprisingly affordable at 3k. I also get told that the tattoo artist I want to book with, has not chosen me.
6:30-7:30 PM: I explain what lazy girl dinner is to my spouse and make a lazy girl dinner. After not really grocery shopping since Feb for things besides fresh veg, we need to do a big pantry shop and neither of us want that. We debate about buying a food saver and if we should wait for a sale. My spouse is more frugal than me and has determined we should.
8-9:30 PM: We start season 3 of The Rookie, and then after two episodes we go to bed
Day One Total: 15.90$
Day Two
5:45-8 AM: Wake up and start work. I get up to date with what’s happened on the weekend and check that my automated reports. Sometime before 6:30, I get the kettle on for my spouse’s pour over before I go back to my meetings. There’s a twenty minute gap where I get changed and do my skin care and brush my teeth. I’d love to be a skin care person but honestly I’ve spent too much money on product that I don’t use and that just goes bad. Washing my face and using sun screen is a win.
I also make sure that Spouse’s lunch is in his bag and I get our travel mugs ready. Before, we used to go to Starbucks every day. Starbucks used to do free refills on coffee and tea if you were a rewards member if you bought a coffee or tea so it would cost us $5/day (2.5/pp), and we could get refills all day. While that’s 20$/week, 80$/a month and yes, we could have saved it but back then, that 80$ wasn’t turning the dial anywhere significantly for us—a privileged view.
But now, after COVID where I stopped drinking tea after one day working from home having like 10 cups and thinking I was dying, and Spouse has bought a good grinder and we recently splurged on a stupidly expensive espresso machine we call his Engagement Espresso since it costs the same price as my stupidly expensive ring, we bring our coffees.
8-8:30 AM: We drive to work. Prior to buying our house, we were both work from home and lived in a city with amazing transit. We only needed the one car. Since buying the house and moving to a city where public transit is a joke (the one bus goes past our house every 1.5h), Spouse changed jobs and is in office every day and I have to go in 3 days a week. We need a second car or the e-bike rebate to come through. We debate this in the car, since I’m done at 1 pm, and Spouse works normal hours, I either have to take the bus home, or go to the gym for three hours. Today though, I drop Spouse off. I will pick him up later as he has a half day because of the dentist
8:30-12:30 AM/PM: Work. I find a tech manager and ask them to get me more triple a batteries. Work won’t provide or let me expense batteries for my mouse, despite them replacing my usb mouse with a battery one. The poor admin had to tell me the decision is that we’ll all supply our own batteries. Luckily the tech managers have to have batteries on hand and give them out freely.
I ask my boss how the work from home tax forms work, and he is going to find out.
I run more meetings and work on a request for a dashboard and a business case for a new feature that I have to convince leadership to spend money on.
12:30-1 PM: I drive back to my Spouse because he has a dentist appointment.
While I wait for a spouse, I am incredibly hungry. I’m usually not hungry/don’t eat a proper meal until around 1 in the afternoon and my two granola bars I already ate at the office. I go to the bakery by Spouse’s work and buy a cheese bun for me (3.65$), and an apple pie scone (2.55$) for Spouse as a snack. Spouse points out he won’t be able to eat until after his appointment.
Total: 6.20$ debit
1-1:30 PM: I drop Spouse off, and the car stops working. The engine won’t catch. I try multiple times and then run into the dentist to dramatically announce to Spouse and the receptionists that the car won’t start. Spouse asks me what he wants me to do about this, since he’s about to go into an appointment. A very kind receptionist tells me it might be the alternator. I don’t know what that is.
I go back to the car to Facetime my father. He also asks what I think he can do to help since he lives 3000 km away. Weirdly, and sexistly, I thought a man who grew up at race tracks, in a racing family, or the man who has collected and worked on sports cars for forty years might be able to help.
Spouse texts me to remind me we have BCAA while my father also tells me that. I finally get the engine to catch and drive the very long way home, going the speed limit and getting stuck in traffic, construction and a bus. It takes me 20 minutes to get home instead of 10.
1:30-2:30 PM: I walk the dog, mail a (late) birthday card and then start researching what an alternator is. The car is over a decade old and until the house, the most expensive thing I ever bought at 12K back in 2015. We have the funds for the cost, but it’s my first car and the fact it might be the end of its life is scary.
Alternators can cost between 400-800$ repair with labour, so that’s fun.
My dad calls me back and apologises for asking me what he could do away. He advises me that there’s probably a bald spot on the alternator and advises me to go to the mechanic to check or replace it, if the car doesn’t start again.
I call the mechanic to book an appointment, and to also get the snow tires off and to buy new rims for the snow tires. The mechanic lets me know that the alternator part is 500$, and an hour of labour so with taxes we’re looking at around 700$
That future appointment next week (we’re going down a highway this weekend which requires snow tires) will cost ~1.5K, assuming we replace the alternator.
I make lunch and sigh.
2:30 PM: The car starts thankfully. I drive incredibly slow. I pick up Spouse by idling the car. We get an email back from a venue saying they cost 75,000$ minimum. The timing is hysterical.
Due to the nature of the dentist, Spouse owes 618$, as they haven’t flipped it under my insurance. They split it in half, as he has a follow up in two weeks. After the next appointment they will flip the whole amount under me and we’ll get reimbursed for the whole amount.
Total 309$/credit card.
3-10 PM: We walk the dog, make dinner (Spouse makes white sauce pasta, with chicken and peas) and watch The Rookie. There are thirteen episodes in season three, and we will be busy every night this week besides Friday and Sunday, and I would like to finish season three so we can start season 4 next Monday. I don’t want to pay for more than one month of Crave. We have five episodes left
Day Two Total: 315.2$
Day Three
1 AM: 100$ is automatically transferred from our account to the credit card debit. We have an auto transfer of 100$/every Tuesday to a Visa where we balance transferred both our cards. We have an offer for 0 interest for 10 months, so we did that for some of the bigger expenses (snow tires, break replacement and general Christmas) and are on track to pay it back within the next 6 months. That visa is our emergency card that we just have in the back end and utilise for promos like this. It allows us to keep our two cards balances manageable and lets us pay in an easier way than taking big chunks out of our various savings.
Total: 100$/direct deposit
5:45-9 AM: Work. Meetings, reports, trying to convince a colleague that the process does include them and refusal to follow it means that their requests won’t be done. Spouse has another half day so I can go into the office at my leisure—if the car starts
9-9:20 AM: The car starts, I get into the office and refresh a data flow before a meeting with a new stake holder. It takes longer to drive into work today because the tourists are starting to come and their van builds or campers are not exactly highway speed and with a two lane highway, if you don’t merge over fast enough you’re stuck.
10:05-10:20 AM: Meeting done, car starts again and I drive home for more meetings. The least amount of time in the office is preferable for me.
10:30-11AM : Meeting with my manager where we discuss future salary and promotion. I am due for a promotion in the start of Q2, which would push me to six figures. I’ll believe it when I see it but, I’m really excited at that possibility for my family.
11:15 AM: Spouse leaves for work, we discuss what groceries are needed, as well if he’ll go to Home Depot tonight to buy more clover seeds for the yard, as we need to reseed before it starts raining. I eat a muffin and my dog and cat decide to try and eat each other.
11:15-1:30 PM: Work runs late. There’s some issues with the data and we can’t figure it out. We call it a night, and I’ll record the video presentations tomorrow, once we fix the data.
1:30-4 PM: Nap time! It’s bad for me, but honestly I don’t sleep well during the night so naps are what keep me alive.
4-6 PM I prep dinner (smash burgers and fries), and get chores done and walk the dog.
6-7:30 PM: Spouse comes home, we eat dinner. Groceries come to 96.83 for two 7 pound pork loins, two packs of bacon, chicken nuggets, coffee, pop, 8 pack of peppers, milk, tomato, pickles, rice, avocado, mushrooms, sour cream and lettuce.
Not too bad, we average about 300$/month in groceries because we can buy bulk and have a second freezer.
For the month of March we are currently at 123.61$ for groceries and there is twelve days left. We went on a small weekend away, so we ate out a fair bit but even then our current food budget is 272.27$ today.
Total: 96.83/ debit
7:30-10 PM: Spouse makes a coffee and plays video games with his friends. They do it every week. I have a shower, fold and put away laundry and read in bed.
Day Three Total: 196.83
Day Four
1AM: Our biweekly accelerated mortgage payment comes out of 1450$. I’m tracking it here to be honest on our spending but I tend not to think of it as money spent because in my head it’s already money gone. To pay for a house equivalent in Vancouver, the mortgage would be over 6k. Renting a two bedroom condo would be 3K. It feels like the mortgage is just cheaper rent, even though each time I own more of my house.
5:45-9 AM: Work. I find out the limits of how many people I can invite to a Teams Meeting as well as that the Thursday before Good Friday is a catholic holiday when a few people ask me to reschedule a training forum for over a thousand people. Sometime in there I make us coffee, make sure Spouse has lunch packed (leftovers). Spouse has walked the dog and has the recycling and compost out for pick up. I drop Spouse off at work.
10-11:45 AM: I leave the office for home and more meetings. I walk the dog and go record training videos. I get an email that Amazon is doing their big spring sale. I send a link to a robot mop and vaccum that’s on a big discount to Spouse. We want one, but I’m not in charge of the research on it. I send links to play grounds to my friends with toddlers
11:45-12:30 PM : I shove lunch in my mouth, last night’s left overs. I’m running late, and decide to get myself later by collecting all the random dishes and mugs that just show up places and start the dishwasher. I get to the lab ten minutes early but need to buy gas on the way home.
I tell my team I’ll be MIA for a bit and leave the work phone in the car.
I buy 15.6L of gas for 30$ at 1.879/l it sucks. I don’t fill up because we’re going to my in laws this weekend and there’s a Costco Gas Bar there.
Total: 30$/credit card
12:30-1:30 PM: Work goes long again.
1:30-2:30 PM: Nap!
2:30-4:30 PM: Walk the dog and drive to the gym. I usually go three times a week but with last week’s weekend away and this week’s weird half days from Spouse, today’s the only day. I make it up by doing both upper and lower body and a 30 minute circuit.
4:30-7:30 PM: I pick up Spouse and we go to Costco. We pick up nachos, ham, cheese buns and some other items. We debate buying our friend’s kid a toddler set of clothes and decide no. We end up buying work pants for Spouse, and a garden hose. It comes out to 116.90
I order our Costco dinner of hot dogs and fries for a grand total date night of 6.41$
Total: 123.31/ credit card
8-9 PM: Dance class! We bought a series of six lessons of introduction to ballroom back in December for a new date night idea. We paid 60$/pp and this is the fifth lesson tonight.
9 pm: We’re home, we let the dog out. Spouse spends an undetermined amount of time watching ballroom videos while I sleep.
Day Four Total: 1603.31$ or 153.31 excluding the mortgage payment.
Day Five
5:45-9 AM: Work. All the meetings. Thursday is the meeting day. I debate with a friend what’s the earliest call we’ve had. 4:30 am still wins. I pack lunch for Spouse and his coffee and he leaves. I end up cleaning up cat puke as the cat decides to drink milk from Spouse’s cereal and vomit it up on camera in a meeting.
9-9:30 AM: I make myself a matcha and walk the dog.
9:30-1 PM: Work and I treat myself to a lunch of a cheese bun and ham sandwhich. We used to eat it every Sunday while growing up but the cost of ham has been outrageous. The deal at Costco yesterday was 1.5$/100 g which is really good.
1-1:30 PM: I seal the wooden deer Christmas decoration we bought last year. It sits outside our front door and needs to be weather proofed, and I’ve been putting it off for five months. But the weather is good and we have newspapers. We have left over wood sealer after the sign we bought a year ago so I use that. The dog and the cat both don’t like my wooden deer.
1:30-4 PM: Nap!
4-5 PM: I basically just watch youtube and drink a root beer. I have no energy.
5-6:30 PM: Spouse comes home, we walk the dog and I make dinner (Kraft Dinner and nuggets–I swear we eat veggies but today is not that day). We discuss the possibility of our dog at our wedding as a flower girl, and if she’ll be in a tutu or a cheongsam like me. I am now researching if they make dog cheongsams and if she can match us. The cat, despite all my heart wanting it, won’t physically be there because he will have an anxiety attack and probably die.
6:30-10:30 PM: Board game night! We go to a friend’s to repeat the same scenario we’ve lost two weeks in a row.
10:30-11 PM: I pack Spouse’s breakfast (oatmeal and frozen berries), lunch (spicy tuna and mayo) since he’s trying to go to the gym before work, and feed the animals before we go to bed.
Day Five Total: 0$
Day Six Friday
5:45-9 AM: Work. I have a deep focus block which means I can get the script for the training I have to run. Public speaking is not my strong suit and it’s a group of a thousand people so I’m not looking forward to it. Spouse almost makes it to the gym. I get an email that my new work phone has shipped. I’m surprised because they wouldn’t order us any for the past four years, but I guess my new iPhone will show up next week. I might give my old work phone to my mother in law, since she smashed the camera on the phone we bought her last year.
9-9:30 AM: I walk the dog, make a matcha and make a todo list for what we have to get done before we leave to my in laws tomorrow. I text my mother in law happy birthday, and hope that she got the card in time. She did.
9:30-11:30 AM: My last meeting for the week ends and I’m debating calling it a day so I can nap. Instead I make lunch (cheese bun and ham), text my other mother in law our plan for Saturday, and unload and reload the dishwasher and go back to work for at least another hour.
12:30-1 PM: I shower and do skin care
1-3 PM: Nap! Somewhere in this time FedEx comes and since I’m sleeping, we have to pick up on Monday. I’m not too sure what it is, I assume it’s our custom address stamp from Etsy because that’s the only thing I’ve bought recently but not too sure. I just realized in retrospect, this might be my new work phone.
3-5 PM: I prep dinner (nachos), unload the dishwasher, pack my overnight bag and confirm all our venue tours by email. I start a load of laundry and do a quick clean. I feel like this is not the best image of our diet. I swear we generally eat healthy but we both have been feeling really blah over the past two weeks so have been going for quick and easy over healthy and balanced. I do have three whole peppers and two whole avocados in the nachos though.
5-7 PM: Spouse comes home, we walk the dog, have dinner, and plan out next week. We have a big Wednesday next week (mechanic, I have a nails appointment, dance class), and we are having our friends over for Easter so we need to prep for that. We pack the car so tomorrow is a very easy start.
Spouse also gets paid today. We’re lucky that we’re on alternating pay periods, we used to be on the same and it always felt stressful. Spouse also lets me know his union has secured a 3% cost of living raise to start in Q3. I really like his union for negotiating a base 2% year of cost of living raise, with potential addition raises depending on inflation. It’s a bit away but that’s still good news.
7:30-10:30 PM: We finish The Rookie Season 3 and head to bed. Crave reminds me that I have 10 days until I’m charged again. Sadly, I think we’ll have to pay for 2 months.
Day Six Total: 0
Day Seven Saturday
8:30-9:30 AM: Wake up. No one (except the dog) slept well so we’re not in a morning mood. Spouse makes coffee and walks the dog, while I finish packing the car and give the cat a lot of attention. Our first venue tour is at 11 and the one that is the most expensive (8-10K), but also the one we probably want the most. We live about an hour away but the highway is two lanes and one accident can back everything up for hours.
10:40-1 PM: We visit our dream venue. We stay way longer than expected. Basically if the quote is under 10K, we’ll get it. Just waiting now.
1-2 PM: We get to our in-laws and have a lunch of egg salad sandwhichs. We need to buy gas. My in laws drive us to a pottery painting store.
2-4 PM: We paint pottery. My mother in law only wanted to do this for her birthday. They’ll pick it up in a week after it’s been thrown. I paint a vase (28$), Spouse paints an Easter egg (18$), father in law paints a mug (30$), and mother in law paints a plate (50$)
Total:143.36/credit card
4-5 Pm: We see another venue. It’s an instant no. My in laws decide they want to try Korean fried chicken. We call ahead for take out to get two fries and 16 pieces of half and half. It comes to 50.83$ that my in laws pay for.
5-10 PM: We come back and see that our dog has pooped in their house and also has gotten into their pantry and eaten an entire bag of dog food. It is not a fun night.
We spend the night drinking wine and discussing the wedding and watching TV.
10PM: We go to bed. That’s the end of this week, but tomorrow we will be buying gas and probably lunch for my other mother in law as we will be touring another venue.
Day Seven Total: 143.36$

I'm in really big trouble. Long story short, I graduated from college using my GI Bill, but I got screwed over since my school. I was using one month of it for Fall 2022, then I found out it was more beneficial for me to use it during Spring 2023 since it would cover more. But the thing is, my school sent back the money for Fall 2022 and didn't receive anything back fir Spring 2023. They say they can't cancel it cause I already used it during the fall and received BAH. The VA office said that I can't "conserve my benefits." Even though I graduated, I have to pay 2.1k. Does anyone know of any scholarships that I can apply to even though I graduated? I'm really screwed cause I don't have this money.

Hi everybody, I have done a large amount of research and soul-searching on this forum and others regarding going back into Active Duty as a physician, and am looking for some outside opinions on if I am crazy to be considering taking an Army HPSP slot for school.
I will be attending a very expensive MD school in the fall (~70k tuition, ~100k COA) and have been accepted for an Army HPSP scholarship. I have 36 months of the post 9/11 GI bill at 90%, and was planning on covering the rest with loans. I have a VA claim in and will likely receive 10-20% disability, so VR&E may be a possibility, but I don't want to rely on that for obvious reasons. I have a partner with 2 kids (not married or my dependents), so the financial stability of active duty is a plus.
I am interested in EM and Orthopedics, which to my understanding are good choices within military medicine, but absolutely understand that school will likely cause me to reconsider my interests.
I have 8 years prior service in the Navy, so I think I have a decent handle on what I'm getting into lifestyle and bureaucracy-wise, and I am ok with the pay cut. I do consider the military pension to be a large benefit, and if I take this scholarship I could likely keep and rent out my house during school as opposed to selling it now, as it is located near an Army post and I'd have more financial security during school. My main concerns are quality of military GME, especially considering the shift to DHA, and potential limitations of residency selection in the future.
I've concluded that there is no real right or wrong answer and it largely comes down to personal preference here, but are there any other considerations that I should make before pulling the trigger on this decision? Every day I find myself leaning towards a different direction. Thanks for the help.

Hi everyone. I’m fresh out of college and started my first real job. I luckily did not have to pay too much in loans (due to scholarships) but I paid it all off. I also paid off a big chunk of my credit cards (I was a college kid doing college things). Now that I’m in an okay spot, I was wondering how I should get a head start in saving for retirement or just saving in general. I’m relatively new to finances and my financial literacy is not the greatest.
Context: I’m single and age 23. Currently living at my parent’s house for this first year out of college and I’ll prob move out in a year or two closer to workplace. I’m taking out a certain amount from my paycheck monthy to help pay for my parent’s bills, groceries, etc. My employer also provides a pension plan (TRS) where they take a certain amount from my paycheck and it put it into a retirement fund. I’m vested after 5 years working there. So, along with TRS and social security, those things are already in place for retirement. But I also learned about things like the 403b and 457, which I’m also interested in partaking in to help further save for retirement. Is this recommended to have on top of the pension plan my employer already provides? Also, I’m a bit confused on roth IRAs and if that’s something to consider. And finally, my last question is how to look into a high-yield savings account. A lot of ppl have recommended it to me and I’m not too familiar with it. I realize I may be a bit young but since I finished paying my debts, I was thinking it would be good to start early.
TLDR: How should I manage all the retirement plans (403b, 457, roth IRA, etc.) and begin saving (high yield saving account) for my future?

Okay, so now that the primary election has passed, but people are still (hopefully) in that election mindset, can y’all help clear something up for me?
As part of my preparation for voting in the primary election, I had looked up a sample ballot for the general election. I saw that there is a ballot measure coming up, about scholarship tax credits. However, the actual text of the measure involves a yes/no question about repealing a different bill. I came to Nebraska after that other bill was enacted, and I can’t find anything clear on what it does, and what repealing that other bill would mean. So, can y’all help me understand what these 2 bills mean and what a yes/no vote in November would do?
I can gather that this is ultimately, a question about school choice and school vouchers. I do not agree with using public funds to send children to private schools, and I want my vote to accurately reflect my position. (This question is not an invitation for people to try and convince me to support school vouchers, do not try to.) But this measure is phrased in a very confusing way and I don’t have enough knowledge of Nebraska politics to know what’s going on.

So I get income from the VA in three ways: GI Bill BAH, GI Bill Textbook Allowance, and VA Disability. All of that is, per the VA, not taxable income. I didn't work this year, so I have no additional income outside of this. All that said, do I need to submit a tax return? On paper, I made $0 gross, while the reality is that I'm making north of $65k/year (My school's in a very high BAH zip code). Also, next year, when I do my FAFSA using this year's $0 gross income, will I suddenly qualify for outrageous sums of Pell Grants and Scholarships and such? Any advice would be appreciated.

I have a question to pertaining how the GI Bill pays when you only have partial eligibility. If you have 50% of the GI Bill benefit, and the college is offering a 30% Deans Scholarship, will the VA only pay 50% of the remaining 70% after the scholarship is applied? Does anyone have experience with this type of situation? VR&E isn’t an option because the person in this situation is Active Duty still. Also TA isn’t an option because of the ADSO that officers incur when using it.

I'm in a bit of a tight spot when it comes to money, my current job isn't enough to cover rent, bills and a car on top of that I missed out on some scholarships because FAFSA didn't come process on time. If anyone out there is lonely or simply needs someone to talk to or give them advice and is willing to spend a pleae message me.

I am 20 years old with no degree or even high school diploma because my family never had enough money for me or my older brother to continue school (though he received his diploma). My mother makes such an incredibly low amount to support a whole family so we have debt over debt and bills upon bills, my father made her a stay at home mom then completely abandoned us years ago so she had to find a way to rebuild herself. I got fired from my last job and savings were hard because I had to contribute to the bills, I would like to know if i even have a future. My family can’t afford the basic university even with scholarships (i don’t live in the US so community college isn’t a thing). I thought of saving up and going to university in europe because of how cheap the fees are but then came the issue of the international student bank account amount (plus my mom says she won’t feel comfortable with me moving countries when she’s not sure she’ll be able to financially support me).
All my peers are moving forward with their lives. I’m stuck and it’s not even anything i can do. If i do hopefully get another job soon, the way salaries are in the country i live it’ll take me years and years and years to save up for college or anything similar. I feel like i have no future.

I am 20 years old with no degree or even high school diploma because my family never had enough money for me or my older brother to continue school (though he received his diploma). My mother makes such an incredibly low amount to support a whole family so we have debt over debt and bills upon bills, my father made her a stay at home mom then completely abandoned us years ago so she had to find a way to rebuild herself. I got fired from my last job and savings were hard because I had to contribute to the bills, I would like to know if i even have a future. My family can’t afford the basic university even with scholarships (i don’t live in the US so community college isn’t a thing). I thought of saving up and going to university in europe because of how cheap the fees are but then came the issue of the international student bank account amount (plus my mom says she won’t feel comfortable with me moving countries when she’s not sure she’ll be able to financially support me).
All my peers are moving forward with their lives. I’m stuck and it’s not even anything i can do. If i do hopefully get another job soon, the way salaries are in the country i live it’ll take me years and years and years to save up for college or anything similar. I feel like i have no future.

JW yung pamilya ng jowa ko. Umalis na siya pero hinahaunt parin siya ng elders and ng parents niya. Di nagpabinyag mga kapatid niya kasi nakita nilang nagsusuffer kuya nila.
So ganito ang nangyari. Yung nanay ng jowa ko napirmi lang sa bahay, di naghahanap ng pedeng pagkakitaan, tas yung tatay niya nagdedeliver ng random things like gulay, parts ng machine, etc.
May tatlo siyang kapatid, isang 1st year college, isang graduating shs, tsaka isang 11 years old. Yung sahod 10-15k lang ata.
Nakaasa sila lahat sa kanya. Siya nagbabayad ng internet, tuition, baon, tas nonstop hingi kasi kulang sa pagkain, may need bayaran, may gustong merienda, etc.
Ang nakakainis kasi di naman siya magsusurvive kung wala ako. Nakatira siya sa bahay ko, ako nagbabayad ng bills dito. Pagkain lang ambag niya hati kami. 4 years na kami pero wala kaming maipon. Sabi niya hintayin ko grumaduate yung mga kapatid niya para makastart kami.
Tapos malaman laman kong umalis sa scholarship yung college student kasi nag away sila ng jowa, nagbreak (pero nagbalikan) tapos ngayon naman di pumapasok sa isang subjecct kasi kulang wala daw pamasahe.
Yun pala yung usapan na hati sa pambaon yung jowa ko tsaka parents niya, di sila nagbibigay sa college student nila kasi kumuha ng tricycle. Dun hinuhulog yung pera, kaya pala laging kulang din sa pagkain, so nagalit ang jowa ko.
Tapos alam mo yung sinabi sa kanya? "Wag ka mag alala, Jehovah will provide."
Tng inng yan! Kaming dalawa nagpapakahirap dito tapos sasabihin si Jehovah bahala?
So minessage ko sinabihan ko yung kapatid tsaka nanay na "Maawa naman kayo sa kuya/anak niyo. Di nga to makabili ng sariling pantalon, laging ako bumibili ng mga kailangan niya, tapos kayo basta lang nagdedesisyon? Padalos dalos kayo porke't di kayo ang nagsusuffer ng consequence?"
Di na nga halos natutulog jowa para makabigay lang sa kanila. 6 days a week nagtatrabaho. Iyak ng iyak, minsan sa banyo habang naliligo, minsan bago matulog. Di naman niya mapabayaan kasi giniguiltrip siya lagi.
Ako kasi pnabayaan ng family. PInag aral ko sarili ko so alam ko gano kahirap maghanap ng pera. So natrigger talaga ako na ganyan, di man lang sila nag eeffort para pagaanin ang buhay ng jowa ko. Mag aral mabuti, maghanap ng side line, maghanap ng pagkakakitaan. Taenang yan.
ABYG kasi cinall-out ko sila eh kasi labas ako sa issue nato kasi pamilya sila pero direkta akong nadadamay eh kasi pati ako tumutulong.

So this is a long one. Like, I'm going back over it and damn. This is longer than I thought it would be. Throwaway account, I've only made one other post to this relating to what's going on. Instead of updating the other post, I figured I'd make a separate one about the whole shit show I experienced, and the shit circus I uncovered and avoided. I'll try to keep this in as chronological an order as I can.
As the title says, my abusive/narc mom and pos/delusional/golden child brother started trying to reach out to me a few months ago wanting to make amends and build bridges with me again. There were a few people that commented on my previous post in another subreddit that may be a little disappointed in me for how I handled this, and a few that might enjoy that I handled it the way I did. Someone commented to not let them use my good nature. My nature is dependent on who I'm dealing with, and when it comes to that side of my family, I'm more stick than carrot. So their attempts did not go ignored, and did not go unpunished.
Growing up, I was always closer with my Dad than my mom. My brother was the epitome of "pampered mamma's boy". He started having seizures as a child and was diagnosed with epilepsy, which I thought was why my mom babied the absolute fuck out of him long into adulthood. He would go a year or 2 without any seizures, and then there would be a few months where he'd be having them every other day. At Anytime he got in trouble at home or school, my mom would find a way to blame me, for not making sure he knew whatever he was doing would get him in trouble, or she would blame my dad for not being "involved enough in their baby's life." My dad was in the Navy and I remember any time he'd deploy, I'd dread every day until he came back. My brother would taunt me that he knew whatever he did, I'd be the one to get in trouble for it. My dad would always make things up for me when he got back from his deployments though. We'd often have weekend trips just the 2 of us. And then around my 12th birthday, my mom insisted on sitting us all down and explain to that she and my dad were getting a divorce. We got the whole talk about how they still love us and they just can't be together anymore, etc. my dad told us both that he still loved us and he would be there for us whenever we needed him. He explained that he would be moving out, but he would be by to pick us up to spend the weekends with us. I was nervous and honestly scared of what it would be like without him. But I was looking forward to the weekend when I got to see him again. That never happened though, and that was the last time I ever got to see him.
Right before his weekend with us, my mom explained to us that my dad didn't want anything to do with us anymore. There was some news story about a father that killed his kids when he had custody of them and she used that to terrify my brother and convince him that our dad wanted to kill us to start his life over. We left damn near everything behind and moved in with my mom's brother in Florida (from Virginia) a couple days before my dad was supposed to come get us. After that, she went to great lengths to make sure we had no contact from him.
Years went on, my mom seemed more indifferent towards me than ever. She never seemed interested in anything I did unless my brother also seemed interested in it. She didn't show any interest in my wanting to learn guitar until my brother also showed interest in it. Then we got one guitar that we had to share, I'd take lessons on the condition that I taught my brother whatever I learned in them. My brother eventually wound up breaking the guitar and I was blamed for not storing it in the case it came with. I had to share my N64 with him whenever he wanted to play it. I was playing perfect dark one day and having a hard time killing the skedar leader at the end of the game. My brother burst into the room saying he wanted to play his MegaMan game, to which I just replied "give me a minute, this boss fight is hard, once I'm done you can have your turn" He didn't like that. He left the room and came back with a hammer and smashed the console while I was still playing. My fault for not letting him play it. The only thing I had that he could not use was a pair of roller blades my aunt got me for my 14th birthday. I specifically asked for roller blades to get around instead of a bike because my brother and I had different shoe sizes, so he couldn't wear them Because of constant shit like that, I never really put much value in having things growing up. I didnt want to buy something or get something as a gift just to have it fucked up in a few weeks or months. At some point, my "little" brother became the larger one, so my clothes all became "hand-me-ups" as he outgrew everything. So, because I didn't really have any distractions at home, I turned into a high achieving student, rarely got in trouble. made the honor roll all throughout school. But that wasn't something to celebrate as it was expected of me. I had long since decided that I was moving out as soon as I could once I turn 18. I got a job working at a Walgreens as soon as I could and started saving up for a car. My mom however took issue with this and would never agree to take me looking for one and absolutely refused to ever have it put on her insurance. This is where my Aunt comes in. She and her son are the only 2 on my mom's side that aren't some sort of degenerate. She had her son young, but put herself through college while raising him alone and eventually got her MBA and a cushy upper corporate job. She told me to tell my mom I had to go in to work on one of my days off, that she would pick me up and she would take me car shopping. So that's what we did. I couldn't quite afford a cash car, but she helped me with the financing. I put down what I had as the down payment, the arrangement she made with me was that 1- as long as I was in school, she would cover the insurance and payments for me, however, if I got into an accident, I was responsible for paying the deductable. And 2- as long as i was living with my mom, the car remained in her (Aunt's) name. And if anything happened to it, to let her know so she could get the appropriate authorities involved. My mom was PISSED when she found out I now had a car. Her reasoning (that she said in front of my aunt) was that she didn't think it was fair for one of us-either me or my brother- to have something the other couldn't use. Due to him being 13 and having epilepsy, he couldn't drive, so why should i have a car if my brother doesn't? That turned into a long shouting match between my mom and Aunt that basically ended with my aunt explaining that since it was her car, and all paperwork on her name, I was just on the insurance for it so I could drive it. But if anything at all happened to it while I was living at my Mom's, that the police and insurance companies would get involved. My mom still kept track of all the miles on the car to "make sure I was only going to work and school and wherever she told me I could go". Most of the time, when I hung out with friends, I wasn't the one driving. From that that point though, my mindset was very much "keep my head down and nose clean until I can leave." I graduated a month before my 18th birthday. After graduation, my mom and i got into an argument about me contributing to her bills. I eventually dropped the ball that I planned on getting back in touch with my Dad and leaving. She started laughing. Something about that laugh made me really uncomfortable. She then said "well, you can certainly meet up with him whenever you want! I'll supply the gun if you buy the bullet!" And told me my dad had died when I was 15. That. Fucking. Broke. Me. Later that night, i called my best friend and vented everything to him. He was in the DEP program for the Navy and would be shipping out in a few months, he told me to come by first thing in the morning and talk with him and his parents about the whole situation. I basically packed up all of my clothes and left the day after my 18th birthday. I just left my house key and a note that said "I'm not your problem anymore." I couch surfed for a little while until after my best friend left for boot camp, then I was able to move in and live with his parents (chosen parents basically). My only real rules were keep the house and my space clean and make sure I had a job and/or going to school. I spent a few months mourning my dad and kind of in a haze. Since he was in the Navy though, that meant I was reliable for financial aid for school. My second dad helped me get everything put together to start receiving that so I could start college.
Well, after a couple years of this, my brother, who had spent his time at school more as "forced socializing" instead of learning, was expelled from public schools for allegedly setting off a fire extinguisher in a classroom. He had to enroll at an alternative school called "the drop back-in academy" that was specifically for dropouts or anyone that got the boot from the public school system. My mom reached out to me and asked me if I would drive him to this school in the mornings, she'd pick him up in the afternoons, and she'd pay me $20 a week.I agreed to it thinking this was out of character for her, but she surprisingly held up to that agreement. I drove him for a couple years until I was ready to start my bachelor program. My second parents were getting ready to move back to their hometown and I was going to start school on the other side of the city. So, I was moving to that side of town and couldn't really drive out of my way to pick up and drop off my brother anymore. He continued his enrollment at this place for another 3 years (5 years total) and it turned out, he was never attending. I would drop his ass off there every day and he'd just walk home immediately after I pulled out of the parking lot. He'd just tell my mom that he finished his work early and decided to walk home instead of wait around for her. One afternoon, I'm coming home early from work and my brother is just sitting on the steps to my studio apartment. He tells me that he and our mom got into a really big argument and he needs a place to stay. I (reluctantly) let him in. I'm stuck thinking he must be really desperate if he's coming to me for help. But I start thinking at this point, he's 24, jobless, and probably needs to learn some self discipline and responsibility, and our mom just never did that for him. So I try to help. I ask him what their fight was about and he tells me that he started dating this girl at his alternative school. She was 21 and got the boot from the school system for being too old to attend (we actually have several relatives that were kicked out of the school system for the same reason) and that he accidentally got her pregnant and our mom did not take kindly to that. I called my landlord and explained the situation to him. He was okay with it, so I let him crash on my couch for a little bit (until the end of my lease, then I'd be moving) and just told him to clean up after himself, take care of himself, etc until we could all work this out. He crashed there for a few months and did Jack shit. He would complain that I didn't have a computer for him to use (I only had a laptop I bought for school) and I didn't have any video game consoles for him to entertain himself with. So he was stuck there bored all day. I got tired of the complaining and lack of effort and told him he had to go back to our mom's if he wasn't going to be an adult. We started shouting at each other until he dropped this little bombshell. He yelled "I can't go back to Mom's!" And when I asked why, he just blurted out "because it's to close to that elementary school!" That stopped the whole thing. "And why is that a big deal now?" I asked him. I already knew why that would be the problem, but 1% of me was holding onto the hope that he was got jumped by a gang of 5th graders and the trauma was too much for him to bear. I told him he could either tell me what's going on, or I could make a phone call and get every last detail I needed. He confessed that he had been leaving that school and going over to his "girlfriend's" house and waiting for her to get home. And that one day, her mom ended up catching them in the act. I explained to him that he was leaving out important details if that was the reason he couldn't be near a school.
He told me she was 14, not 21. I. Lost. My. Shit. Everything after that is kinda fuzzy, but he was arrested, mom posted bail, and since she lived right around the corner from an elementary school, he couldn't stay there. So they told his parole officer that he'd be staying at my address until his court date.. his PO had swung by a couple times, but I was always either at work or school or out somewhere. At this point, I told him the lease was up in 6 weeks, I couldn't stand to be around him. I packed my stuff early, moved out into a storage unit, and I stayed at an extended stay hotel until it was time for me to move. Called my landlord and told him what was going on, and if my brother was still there the last week of the lease, nail him for trespassing. My landlord was a good guy. I never had any problems with him. I paid up the last 6 weeks and threw him since extra cash for his troubles as I knew I wouldn't be getting my deposit back. That was the last time I saw my brother. After I moved out of state, I cut all contact with everyone in that family except my Aunt who was the only one that ever helped me out or even had my back. But even then, it was just through email. We'd mainly email birthday and holiday wishes to each other. Updates from my side on how life and career are going.
I never had a myspace or a Facebook growing up. I either never had a computer to check it on, or I was just so accustomed to not having any online distractions that I just never got around to making one. I did finally make a Facebook and I did get in touch with my dad's side of the family and reconnected with them. I hadn't seem most of them since I was 4 or 5. Some of them had been in contact with my brother (he fucking knew our dad died) and was spinning some sort of web about how he graduated high school early, had gone to college for pre-med and then got some sort of full ride scholarship to some prestigious medical school in Florida. He told them I wasn't on social media because I had been arrested for selling drugs and that he was taking me in after I got released. He was also using my senior portrait as a profile pic. They were surprised when they saw me and how I "looked just like my brother!" I had set the record straight. They looked dumbfounded when I told them that he couldn't get himself out of the 9th grade in 10 years, and now would likely never complete his high school journey due to the fact he can't be within 100 yards of a school.
So, fast forward to last week. I checked my email for the first time since late January (for my aunt's birthday) and noticed a few from her saying my mom wanted to reach out, then several emails from a new address. It was my mom's first initial and last name. Subject lines usually read "please respond" and "let me know you're okay" and stuff like that. I'd copy some of them over, but holy shit this is already a novella. Basically she got my email address from sneaking my aunt's phone (aunt did not sell me out). She's trying to apologize for how she treated me growing up and trying to excuse it by saying I reminded her of my dad and then she was going through menopause and just any excuse to dishes full accountability it seems. She acknowledges that it was wrong to hold me accountable for my brother's fuck-ups but dismisses that by saying he didn't know any better and she needed me to be a good role model for him. Things have been hard for her since I left, since she "had" to take my brother back in (I would've left him on the street or in jail), she had to sell her house (she was only 10 years into her mortgage) and buy another smaller one further from a school for him. He never did get a hs diploma or GED because how can he? And she's been going through breast cancer treatment for the last several months and just doesn't have the energy to take care of her 33yo baby anymore. She asked me if I lived close enough to them to take him in for a little bit while she focuses on her health. I left Florida 8 years ago and haven't even lived in the same time zone in 6 years. She can only check her email at work since she no longer has Internet at home. She had to cancel her home Internet service because of him. So, I decided to just put my brother's name into a search bar and the first thing that pops up is a FDLE sex offender's page. And holy shit has he gone downhill. He had a second arrest when he was 27 for the same thing, and then was caught in communications with another girl (like Chris Hansen sting) and was released from prison at the beginning of the year. And the mugshot.... You know the pale lady from the scary stories to tell in the dark movie? Think that, but with a patchy beard. Beady eyes, bad skin and all. According to the sheriff's office inmate search, he's been arrested 5 times in the last 10 years. Twice for lewd and lascivious battery of a minor (aged 12-15), once for solicitation of a minor, and twice for probation violations.
The TL/DR: abusive mom took all her frustrations out on me, blamed me for everything my brother did, hid my father's death from me until I was almost 18, and reaches out after 8 years of no contact and wants me to take care of her pedophile son while she's in poor health.
I'm attaching my response to her below.
Hi. I'm alive. I'm well. I'm also not okay with you contacting me, especially under the circumstances that you violated the privacy of your own sister to get my contact information. I have read your apologies and excuses and I do not accept either. You say I reminded you of Dad? He spent more time with me and showed more interest in my well-being than you ever did, and that's including the 6 years he was absent from my life by your own selfish design. Menopause? I find that hard to believe as this went on for the better part of half a decade and not once in that time did your attitude towards brother change. You always treated him with the same coddling infantile obsession and patience that one would show a toddler. It was and is clear that you have a preferred child as that adult-sized pile of shit is still living comfortably with dear old mama. I'm guessing no one else is willing to take him in? Are Uncle and Cousins afraid of him doing something to their daughters or grandchildren? I do believe you when you say you want to rebuild the bridge that you nuked from orbit years ago, but I can't believe it's not for your own selfish desires. And I can't find any reason or way my quality of life could be improved with your presence. The reality is, my life has been far better without you than it could be with you. I've never said this to anyone, but if there is a sense of karma and balance in the universe, your current situation is proof of that. The next time I see your name on my computer screen, had better be for your obituary. But since you and the monster you raised both decided to keep Dad's death a secret from me, and remove any choice I had to mourn or pay my respects, I'll return that kindness to you.
Please die away from me.

Dearest Love,
It has now been 264 days since I last heard your voice. That I could see the disappointment on your face. I wish I had realized at that moment that it was my last chance to reach you. But a fool is foolish. And I am a fool, always have been.
Where should I start?
That I've been in love with you since we were in elementary school together? Or the fact that you broke my heart for the first time at the age of 14 when you met your first boyfriend?
Of course you weren't aware of any of this. When you disappeared from my life overnight at the age of 15, you didn't realize that it had shattered my world. I really thought back then that I would never see you again.
All my friends were in love with you. One even wrote you love letters. You never found out who'd send you these.
For us you were mysterious. So serious. So sad. So brave. So cheeky. So loud. So quiet. We were too young and too stupid at that time to understand what you were going through at home. To us you were just a beautiful mystery.
I had my own tragedies at home and I dreamed myself away. With you. And just then you disappeared. Nobody knew where you were and nobody had a clue what happened to you. There were the wildest rumors, but nothing tangible.
Five years later I was drunk in the club and you smiled at me from across the bar. I swear I was immediately sober. It was like I had seen a ghost, but you were real. Damn you were real!
You asked me how I was doing and whether life had been good to me. This was the happiest night of my life and I didn't want it to end.
When we said goodbye at dawn, I asked you if we would see each other again and you said, "Meet me at the party at Fusion on New Year's Eve." Damn, that was still 3 months away and how was I supposed to find you there? Among hundreds of people?
I found you. Exactly at midnight and we kissed. From that day on we belonged together.
But two children from broken families. This is destined for chaos and pain.
I moved to the other side of the country with you to put the past behind us. But you can't run away from your problems. They will always follow.
We dealt with the pain within us differently. You wanted to talk about it. About you, about me, about what happened in our families. I wanted to be silent.
You solved your problems in therapy. I drowned my problems in alcohol.
At the beginning of our relationship we went dancing together a lot. We celebrated, we drank, we looked for intoxication.
But then you changed. And I stayed the same.
You hid in books. I hid in clubs. You looked for new friends. I kept the old ones.
You've started studying and pretty soon you got a scholarship. Now you were no longer just beautiful with a loving soul, but also eloquent and smart.
And I? I became mean. I disappeared for nights at a time. I didn't keep my promises. I drank, I gambled, I did drugs. I woke up in strange apartments and had trouble with even stranger people.
And so the past had caught up with me and the future was calling for you. But you didn't want to give up on me and I didn't want to lose you.
So I pulled myself together, looked for a good job and I earned good money. But one can't keep a woman like you with dollar bills. You never looked for expensive gifts or status. All you ever looked for was love, respect and sincerity.
And I was not sincere.
You wanted respect. I laughed at you. You wanted love. I left you alone. You wanted to be my friend. I was your enemy.
And so you slowly said goodbye.
You didn't want to have to fight all the time anymore. You didn't want to have to cry because of me anymore. And I get that.
First you moved out. Then you had less and less time for me. When I called you, you often didn't answer the phone. When you did I heard you laughing on the phone with your friends in the back. You seemed to have a lot of fun. But you hardly laughed with me anymore.
264 days ago we had set up a date. We hadn't seen each other for two weeks. I canceled half an hour before I was supposed to pick you up. You were angry. "Why can't you just keep a simple promise?" I told you I was sick. A lie. Two hours later you showed up at my door. You brought me muffins, tea and some meds.
And I? I was hungover, playing poker.
The disappointment. The disappointment on your face. You asked me if I really ditched you for a poker game.
And I? I replied with, “At least I won $1,000.”
You gave me a sad little smile and asked me if I had anything left to say to you.
I laughed at you and said you were childish. That you're being overdramatic as always. That you're always causing stress.
And you said, "okay, if that's all you have to say, I'm leaving now."
I said we can see each other tomorrow.
And you said, "No, I'm leaving. For good."
You've said it a thousand times before, but this time I knew it was different.
I held you back and looked into your eyes saying: "I want to change. I really do. But I need time and your patience."
And you said: "You've had 10 years to appreciate what we had. Now you have the rest of your life to accept that I won't be a part of your life anymore."
You left.
264 days have passed since then.
Not a word from you.
Every day I try to reach you.
You're gone.
For good.
All of our old friends know you're gone. But no one talks to me about it because they know I messed up.
Since you left, I can't go on anymore.
I dream of you constantly. Sometimes I look for you and ask about you and everyone acts like you never existed. And I feel the despair until I wake up crying.
Sometimes you're standing far, far away from me and I try to get to you, but I can't move a step. So I call you, but you don't hear me. I shout louder until I wake up from it.
Then I lie in bed with my heart racing slowly remembering that you are no longer here. And that it is my fault.
My best friend forced me to go on a date. The woman I was on the date with came closer. She kissed me and I started crying.
I've never felt as bad as I did in that moment. I wasn't ashamed. It was the sadness that burst out of me.
I know people will say it will pass. That I will fall in love again someday. But I do not care. I lost you. I lost the person who believed in me the most. I lost the love of my life.
And it's my fault. I will never be able to forgive myself for this.
That's what was left to say.

Hello, I have a question to pertaining how the GI Bill pays when you only have partial eligibility. If you have 50% of the GI Bill benefit, and the college is offering a 30% Deans Scholarship, will the VA only pay 50% of the remaining 70% after the scholarship is applied? Does anyone have experience with this type of situation? VR&E isn’t an option because the person in this situation is Active Duty still. Also TA isn’t an option because of the ADSO that officers incur when using it.

I remember being 12 and looking up unclaimed bodies around my area because I called my dad for 2 years straight and he never picked up.
My mother used to tell me that I’m worthless anytime I did something that she didn’t agree with. It could be over the stupidest things too. She was always deliberately cruel.
Like when my job promoted me to another store, and I was bragging to her about my accomplishments, she said “they’re just doing that to get rid of you. Nobody likes you”.
I’m turning 24 soon and it just sort of hit me that I could never be like either of them. It’s hard to be a good parent, but it’s not that hard to just be an ok one.
I want to reconnect with them so bad, because what am I doing that’s so bad that I don’t deserve parents?? I never argued with them as a kid/teenager. I never drank/smoke/ snuck out or talked back to them. I got excellent grades in school. But it’s like I got dealt a shitty hand.
I got a job at 16 and i was apparently deemed good enough to parent myself. My mom stopped grocery shopping so I had to spend my paycheck to buy groceries/food and then when I got home she would yell at me for hours because I didn’t “get the right food” and I must hate her because I didn’t buy the organic stuff she wanted. But I was only working part-time at a restaurant for $9 an hour and couldn’t afford it. She also gave me $600 a month bill that was also my responsibility with the rest of my paycheck.
Or when I graduated high school and needed to go college, she wouldn’t fill my Fafsa out (she did the same thing to my brother and he had to drop out and go to community college) and kept pushing it back. I had to get a 2nd job to pay my tuition, so I was going to school full-time, and then had a full-time and part-time job. I also lost some of my scholarships because I had to submit everything before the deadline.
She figured out the days I got paid, and would drive me to a check cashing place and take most of my money. I couldn’t keep that life up of working 12+ hour days every day and flunked out of my college. I reenrolled in my local community college, but I was just so lost that I ended up quitting.
She brought a new house when I was in college that had a run-down in law suite. She told me if I fixed it I could live in there and pay rent and have some more privacy. I worked extra hours and got a 3rd job, found a plumber and electrician, and would spend hours every week to fix the place, and wouldn’t you know it as soon as I was done she sold the property and took all the profit. She did the same thing to a broken down car that she had, I paid $4k to take it to a mechanic and when we got it back, she “never said that” and still drives that car to this day.
When we were moving (again) i decided to just get an apartment with my boyfriend because I was getting sick and tired of being used. She found out and hid the leasing information that I got from a complex, and guilt tripped me by saying she wouldn’t be able to afford things on just her paycheck and would starve. So I quit looking, just for her to scream at me a week later that I was a useless burden and that I was the one financially abusing her.
So I packed my bags, slept on the dirty floor of my boyfriend’s parents trailer for 2 weeks, got a round of the stimulus checks, and moved out to our own apartment. When I went back to her place to pack the last of my stuff she was snatching things out of my hand, threw my boyfriend’s laptop and tried to choke him/throw him out.
I pushed her away from him and she told the family that we both were hitting her, so they don’t talk to me anymore. She was also insulting him for his family being poor, and making fun of his dead grandmother.
And as I’m getting older and my prefrontal cortex is developing I just don’t understand them. I can understand hurtful things being said in the moment, but to continually be like that means you are making a conscious and considerable effort to be a terrible person.
But I miss them so much. I want a mom to talk to about my day and complain about my co-workers with. I want to watch movies at her place again and eat junk food. But she doesn’t deserve it, and I feel like I do. I don’t know what to do.
There’s plenty of more terrible and down right weird things that she does. Like she used to beat me and my brothers with electric wires as a kid. Or recently, she was renting out one of our old homes and my partner and I moved in and we were paying MORE THAN market rent. And she forced us to move out after only 6 weeks because I said no to helping her on a side project because I was busy. But I “owed her” because she could’ve “charged me more”.
Which I should’ve known it would end this way honestly.
My parents are divorced and my father lives in a different city. He only calls me when he needs something and honestly I have stopped answering.
I’m not sure what to do. Advice?
Edit: typing this out made me remember some memories that I suppressed.

Just wanted to share what I learned was available for me to help me finish college. Covid was a disaster, and I more or less waisted a semester or two worth of my gi-bill from failing some classes and changing majors. If your major is a STEM major and you don't have enough gi-bill coverage to finish your degree, you can apply for the "Edith Nourse Roger's STEM Scholarship." This extends your gi-bill up to 9 months (or $30,000). It was easy to apply for and I got it easily.
-On va.gov -Prioritizes veterans that need it the most -Only for Bachlors (so no masters) -6 months or less of your GI-Bill
Rah. Yut. - Lake Bandini Swim Team Coach

Hi! First of all, sorry for my awkward English - not a native speaker. Also I tried to make it short, but maybe warning for a (slight) wall of text?
I’m taking a gap year from university to find a job due to family’s financial issues. Long story short, my parents made some bad business decisions and got scammed, which left us with an enormous amount of debt. I don't blame them one bit - we weren't exactly doing well before either, and I guess the insecurity sort of pushed them into taking unnecessary risks so that they could provide for us. Plus, I'm an adult now, and it should've been me taking care of them instead of the opposite.
The issue here is that, well, I’m sort of a loser. I’ve been searching and applying for jobs almost every day by now, but with little to no success. I could think of a few reasons why:

1. I’ve never worked a day in my life. It’s normal for where we live, but I understand it’s no excuse in this day and age. Now my CV is completely blank save for a few odd jobs I did here and there, and they don’t look very impressive on paper.
2. With the rise of AI and overall increase in literacy rate, my major (English) is oversaturated in the job market where I live. It didn’t help that I specialized in something rather useless unless you intend to go into academia (which was my intention before all this).
3. My biggest weakness so far: I have abysmal communication skills. I’ve been aware of this since I was 5, and been trying to improve ever since; but there's just always something others get that I don't, be it social cues or how to get my thoughts across clearly. It's part of the reason my parents never made me work - they just assumed, between this and my gift for studying, that the only viable pathway for me was to get as high a degree as possible and become a scholaresearcher etc. (old people's logic, but I'm ashamed to say I did believe in it, too). I did manage to score some interviews before, for jobs and scholarships, but I always failed at the talking part. I’ve taken to applying primarily to online jobs, but they get claimed fast, and hard to make good money if you aren't a highly desired professional.
4. Yes, I've tried construction/manual labor work. If the above description didn't make me look enough like a nerd before, I also have hereditary heart problems and seasonal allergy that was made worse by COVID-19. Plus, they don’t normally hire women where I live.

I'm just at a loss of what to do. I will continue to apply for jobs, of course, but the payments and bills and rent are eating up what little savings we have left - if I couldn't find a job by the end of this month, we might be homeless. I just feel so guilty because my parents put a lot of trust in me - I have always been their pride and joy, and now I can't even provide for them. My little brother is starting college this year, too. I don’t have enough time to learn a new employable skill (though I’ve been doing some free web design courses - they’re actually the most fun I’ve had these days), I don’t have money to start a business, and the banks won’t let us take out loans anymore - not even under my clean name, they screen backgrounds a lot more carefully since our economy’s in shambles and everyone's in need of help.
In short, I’m looking for advice on how to improve my employability, or some other ways to secure enough money, at least ~$400/month (converted rate) just to stay on top of our payments. Thanks for reading all this, I hope you have a great day.

One of the biggest challenges in Zen scholarship is connecting the dots between koans, which are historical records in the form of transcripts of real people having real conversations. Where religions and philosophies tend to produce sermons and book long arguments, Zen Masters mostly just answered questions. This leaves the audience to piece together a coherent whole from these koan interviews.

Zhaozhou's Lifestyle

Easily the most beloved Zen Master in human history, Zhaozhou was also famous for his very short answers, often in the form of entendres, often using quotes. Here are two quotes that independently are fine, but together cause some problems:

1. A monk asked, "During the twenty-four hours, how is mind put to use?" The master said, "You are used by the twenty-four hours; I use the twenty-four hours. Which of these 'times' are you talking about?"
   
   • Time spent in the movie theater is not the same as time spent in court pleading innocent to felony charges; those are lifestyle choices.
2. A monk asked, "What is your intention?" The Master said, "There is no method to it."
   
   • "No method" is certainly a lifestyle.

What's the big picture?

Zhaozhou argues that his "using the 24 hours" lifestyle does not depend on methods, at least when you put the Cases side-by-side. Whatever conclusion we draw from this we can of course test, by putting these Cases side-by-side with other Cases from Zhaozhou, or even other Masters.
But what is the result?
Zhaozhou once remarked that the Family Custom in Zen was "having nothing inside, seeking for nothing outside" which strikes me as more of a summary of previous teachings than a teaching. Does that betray a "having" or a "method"?

You make the rules

What's interesting to me is whether people would be willing to embrace this "use the 24 hours" AT THE SAME TIME as "having no method". It seems like these two statements represent opposite poles in modern pop culture, with people either working hard at life or people not having a strategy for anything from paying the bills to education to creative contribution to society.

.

Welcome! ewk comment: What does "no method" look like though when you are so deliberately engaged in everything you do?

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Accepted to Seton Hall with a $30,000 scholarship. Tuition is $69,000. I don’t have to pay rent or much in bills. LSAT was 157 and GPA 3.5. I applied very late in the cycle. I would like some insight on peoples opinions if they would R+R or just commit, if they were in my shoes. Thanks!

Mom70 Dad 72 Bro 31 Me 28 Sis 27 I HAVE A JOB, BEEN WORKING SINCE 16. I DONT HAVE A JOB WITH THE DEGREE I HAVE My parents are retired modestly wealthy. They worked their whole lives, saved, and played the stock market well. All my siblings were made to go to college. I am the odd one out because I took longer, even though I had the highest SAt/ACT scores, better grades, more scholarships. I just didn’t like college, it was the worst experience, I mean when I say I finished college so my parents can shut up. When I was 18 I moved out, I was on my own for 7 years, I came back home after a horrible break up.
My parents like to call me the prodigal child(the child that ran away and came home or whatever). I pay my own things, besides my rent as my parents says they don’t want me to. My sister also lives at home, however she stayed home for college, she’s the baby, she was given her car, she has no bills, but mounting credit card debt (I never told my parents this, never will) my brother married a rich woman, living his best life, also never worked in his life,( and never been a good big brother, for example if a man wanted to beat me, I wouldn’t call my brother) and now he become so boujee I barely know him anymore. I am in the process of moving, everything is so costly, however I am doing it. My car had problems, my parents paid the 2,500$ to fix it, I am going to pay them back. However my siblings kind of went off on me , saying how I make mom and dad sad, how my life turned out, how I don’t have a job with my degree, how I went to live on my own and was broke most the time. My sister said “you need to be better, like you are so disappointing, I remember how smart you were in high school”
This is another thing my family loves to bring up my past accomplishments. It literally makes me want to end my life when they do that.
I am thankful for my parents helping me, however I feel like I’m in a jail sentence. With this constantly hanging over my head. I am going to pay them back, but my brother and sister judement and how they think of me, hurts me.
If I didn’t have my dog, idk what I would do honestly I feel like such a piece of shit Yes I am the middle child.

Hello guys, I've been admitted to Juniata College (international student) with a scholarship of 51K but I still have an outstanding deficit of 21k to pay annually. Any advise on how I can pay my bills?
I would like to also know more about on-campus employment and how much I can earn from it.....and if there are any other possible ways and means to make money to pay for my bills. Your prompt response is immensely appreciated. Thank you.