Backstory on our relationship. we have been together for five years, we started dating pretty fast within three months I had moved in due to the pandemic. I was already staying at his house and the same time we went on lockdown we had to stay together in the same house. Our relationship started off really good. We were so in love, the spark was there, the sex was great, it was everything I could ever ask for. in my past, I have had some rough relationships where I was always the provider, the one with a car, job, money. My last relationship before this one I had a daughter and we separated because her biological dad was not ready to grow up.
In the beginning of our relationship, like I said, it started off good . I would say, I was immature, and just learning to discover myself as a mom, partner, and having a real relationship living with someone. I did some immature things, sneaky things, as far as get attention on social media, I feel like a lot of the times. Also since this guy had a job, money, a car, a house I took advantage of it. He spoiled me like crazy, I got to stay home for a year without working, while he paid all of my bills and pretty much took care of me for the most part. I did slack off in the beginning I wouldn’t clean, cook, take care of my responsibilities so he had to get on my ass. I end up realizing that I need to grow up and become a woman. I changed completely and became a “wife”.
About two years in is when I really started to see “the real” him. It started off with him, calling me little names here, and there and him criticizing little things that I did. we would get into little fights and I didn’t want my daughter to be around that so I would leave, it started off as once every couple months I would go stay at my parents house for the weekend, to get away from the fighting. That turned into once a month, then that turned into a couple times a month. It became such a normal thing, the cussing and fighting became worse. he can be really hurtful with words and he would always be me, put me down. Examples: ( Fat bitch, I could find another bitch tomorrow, you’re a fucking whore, slut, fuck you, I can’t stand you, dumb bitch) He started criticizing every single thing that I did, I started to believe that I could never do anything right, and I wasn’t enough. Don’t give me wrong I was not perfect. I would also call him too only because he would call me names. I have a bad attitude with him, and sometimes I do come off, really blunt, and aggressive. Anytime I did come off this way he would blow up and turn it into this huge fight.
Around year 3, we both rededicated our lives to God. Our relationship started to come around again, we were so full of love, we were communicating better and starting to get along more, we would have arguments, but it seemed like we were able to solve them without kicking each other out of the house, or cussing and screaming at each other. We would both hear each other out and it was going good for the most part. , It started all over again. I don’t understand one day I could be the greatest thing that has ever happened to him and in a matter of an hour, if I gave him the wrong answer, an attitude, or if he thought, I said something disrespectful all hell would break loose. They got to the point where he would literally kick me out at two or three in the morning, obviously I would take a little bit of dignity that I had and I would wake my daughter up, carry her into the car and I would go to a hotel because at this point I was just too embarrassed to go to my family’s house.
Fast forward until now , we have been separated for about six months. I’m living back with my parents and he stayed at the house that we built together. In my daughter’s life, to her that is her dad, she does not know her biological dad or anything about him. He calls it “co-parenting” but in reality, he only comes to her softball games once a week shows up late, for 30 minutes, pick her up on Sundays Spends a few hours with her and drops her off. I really am doing everything by myself, I work full-time, and I show up to every single one of her events, I buy her everything, I am with her 24/7. I feel bad because my daughter really loves him, she cares for him, my daughter is very smart. She wants us to be a family again, but I feel bad distancing them from each other. I know he’s not her biological dad, but he pretty much raised her when we were together. I know he loves her, and she really loves him. I just don’t know what to do in the situation, I blame myself for a lot because I feel like if I never acted the way that I did in the beginning of the relationship maybe he wouldn’t have been as toxic or the way that he was throughout the rest of our relationship. Has anyone been in a similar situation, or have any advice for me? I don’t go to therapy, I don’t have friends, and my family are just over it. They don’t want to talk about it. So I’m really just using this as a venting session, whether anyone replies, comments, or anything at least I was able to get this off my chest

So on Mothers day, my grandma and her husband went to a Kia Dealership in Los Angeles and called my mom and asked if she would be a reference for them. My mom said yes and they started asking her questions over the phone. We live 4 hours north of Los Angeles and my mom speaks Spanish. She understands some English but not a whole lot. My mom hasn't worked in 2 years as my step dad is supporting her.
So come to find that my mom had electronically signed a 2023 Kia Forte with 9000 miles in her name with an 11% interest rate. How did she even get approved if she hasn't worked in 2 years? They never asked her for pay stubs or proof of income once.
KIA Financed it themselves under my moms name and they told my grandma they were only using my mom as a reference.
The paperwork on the agreement says that my mom is self employed and owns a housekeeping company for over 20 years. Which is complete BS. Again, my mom doesn't have any income or has ever owned a business.
I called the number that my mom texted her email to (she still thought it was for a reference) and the number belonged to the finance manager at the dealership. The manager answered the phone and I asked why they would sell a car under my moms name if my mother hasn't worked in 2 years. The manager said that she would call me back in the morning and verify the information. I told them not to worry about calling me that I would personally drive 4 hours to go see them because they had committed fraud.
My grandma had gone in to ask about refinancing her current car because she's paying $800 a month for it. She cant afford that right now because shes battling cancer. But they got her into trading her car in for a newer car with a lower monthly payment. Mind you my grandma only speaks Spanish too.
I think this is elder abuse. I don't know what I could do tomorrow. Could I get my grandmas old car back? I mean the dealership falsified my moms income. They pretty much stole her identity and ran with it to get my grandma to buy a new car.

Disclaimer: I am a bit anti-establishment and am only interested in comments from people that can show me how not tell me why I can't

I bought a plot of land about a year ago and haven't done anything with it and now have time on my hands for a project. It is zoned for Rural Coastal 2 in Los Angeles County. I interested in learning about what I can build without a permit and ways to skirt about regulation. It is close to utilities. I would just have to set up septic.
Here are my ideas:

1. Build an accessory unit under 120 square feet
2. Given that the land hasn't been touched for 20 years and the buyers have never even looked at the property, I was thinking of installing septic unpermitted and if anyone asks, I will say I found that the land actually had an old septic system and permits are not required to update existing septic.
3. Work on permitting while I live in the "accessory unit"
4. Use solar for power

Does anyone have advice on this?

AmPm Appliances delivers prompt and proficient emergency appliance repair Los Angeles. Our skilled technicians swiftly diagnose and fix appliance issues, ensuring your home runs smoothly when emergencies strike. Trust us for reliable repairs, every time.

So on Mothers day, my grandma and her husband went to a Kia Dealership in Los Angeles and called my mom and asked if she would be a reference for them. My mom said yes and they started asking her questions over the phone. We live 4 hours north of Los Angeles and my mom speaks Spanish. She understands some English but not a whole lot. My mom hasn't worked in 2 years as my step dad is supporting her.
So come to find that my mom had electronically signed a 2023 Kia Forte with 9000 miles in her name with an 11% interest rate.
The paperwork on the agreement says that my mom is self employed and owns a housekeeping company for over 20 years and brings in a minimum of $4,200.00 a month. Which complete BS. She doesn't work and has never owned her own company.
I called the number that my mom texted her email to (she still thought it was for a reference) and the number belonged to the fiance manager at the dealership. The manager answered the phone and I asked why they would sell a car under my moms name to my grandma if my mother hasn't worked in 2 years. The manager said that she would call me back in the morning and verify the information. I told them not to worry about calling me that I would personally drive 4 hours to go see them because they had committed fraud.
KIA Financed it themselves under my moms name and they told my grandma they were only using her as a reference.
My grandma had gone in to ask about refinancing her current car because she's paying $800 a month for it. But they got her into trading her car in for a newer car with a lower monthly payment. Mind you my grandma only speaks Spanish too.
I think this elder abuse. I don't know what I could do tomorrow. Could I get my grandmas car back?

TRIGGER WARNING: MENTION OF ABUSE, CHILD S*XUAL ABUSE, S*ICIDE
tl;dr: I'm trying to figure out if my husband could be a narcissist, or emotionally immature, or some mashup of both. Could someone explain this to me like I'm five?
(If this isn’t the right group, please point me in the right direction)
I tried my best to condense, but it’s a really long one. I’m sorry.
A breakdown of the pertinent info:

Me: F, mid-fifties, just returned to PT work outside of home Husband: M, mid-fifties, always worked a regular job, main wage earner Married: 30+ years w/adult kids (no longer at home)

For a while, I've thought my husband has definitely shown signs of narcissistic behavior. I won't list everything, but a few things are that he is definitely argumentative (over seemingly insignificant issues), jealous, needy for my attention and flies off the handle if he feels ignored, his only "love language" seems to be sex (and any lack of it means I don't love him), he loves the silent treatment which is always followed by a huge blowup and then love-bombing, he always one-ups me (he works harder, he feels worse, he is more tired, etc). There's more, but I'm trying to keep this short. I will say that he has never physically hurt me, but he has spent a lot of energy being emotionally abusive.
I would say that is his main thing; constantly saying how much I don't love him and how much I don't care about him if he feels the least little bit ignored or has to spend any time alone. My going back to work at a PT job has just turned that fire into an inferno because I've gone from a SAHM/SAHW to working PT, and sometimes just by necessity he is by himself (I want to say that, in the thirty years he has worked his job, I have been by myself more times than I can count because he has worked scheduled/unscheduled/spur-of-the-moment overtime, and I just rolled with it because, really, what other choice was there? Unemployment for the main breadwinner?). He absolutely cannot handle being alone, while I find being alone refreshing and rejuvenating. In fact, I'm the opposite; I'm like, "Do you love me? Then go away and leave me alone for a while!"
But here's where I have been doing some thinking. I know that many of you are going to say that there is no way, but I do believe he loves me. I've seen the man behind all that. And I do love him, despite all of the problems and issues, and I believe as much as he understands it, he loves me too. I am determined to work on this marriage. It occurred to me the other day, when he was mad and throwing a fit about something; I thought; "He's acting like a toddler who needs a snack and a nap." And so my mind started wandering along those lines for a bit.
You see, my husband has had a hard life. Both of us grew up in dysfunctional families with abusive parents. His father was definitely a narcissist, and physically abusive to his wife and at least to my husband (the GC sibling seems to have escaped most of it) and I've heard was sexually abusive to family members as well. He put his wife in the hospital more than once because of severe beatings. He threatened to drive off a bridge with the whole family in the car. He threatened all of them with a gun and a family friend had to come over and save them. He regularly beat my husband for the crime of not eating his vegetables at dinner. When my husband was 22, and I was pregnant, his father tried to hit him over the head with a huge wrench. (My husband is a strong man; that was a dumb idea.) There’s apparently a lot more my husband won’t talk about and/or doesn't remember.
But his mother wasn't an angel, either (let's be clear, SHE DID NOT DESERVE SPOUSAL ABUSE OF ANY KIND. NO PERSON DESERVES ABUSE. However, you can not deserve abuse and, at the same time, not be a nice person). She believed the world revolved around her, she was never wrong and the smartest person in the room, and my husband was expected to be at her beck and call whenever she wanted him for whatever reason. She abused him in her own way. Hurting people hurt people. When I came along, he was nineteen, and I treated him like an adult; that went over like a lead balloon because she treated him like a child.
Shortly after we got married and had our first child, she purposefully ceased to live, which threw my husband into a deep, deep depression for a few years. It was rough. I tried to get him to go to therapy, but he flat refused. We worked through it and eventually had another child, and he can finally talk about it now, thirty-some years later. But he rarely visits her grave, and I’ve never forced him to go if he doesn’t want to.
At very significant points in his emotional development, my husband had some major life crises happen:

He had to retake first grade because his mother was put in the hospital by his father's abuse; he shut down to the point he wouldn't do his homework and had to be held back (which is hard enough); he would have been around 7 years old He spent his childhood dealing with an abusive father and wondering if he was going to literally not be alive His parents finally divorced when he was around 14 years old After that, he and his mother and sibling were constantly financially insecure His mother purposefully ceased to live when he was twenty-three, after we had just had our first child He has told me that he doesn’t remember large chunks of his childhood (which I understand is a trauma response)

As he was being 'constructed', there was built a severely flawed frame structure around these emotionally damaged areas; the ability in his ‘frame’ to withstand a structural state of stress is severely defective. He never really learned how to regulate his emotions, how to work through them or deal with them in a healthy way. His mother never got him therapy for the abuse he had endured since birth; if anything, she compounded it (that’s a whole post in itself because, wait for it, she was a counselor). The only relationship he had modeled on a consistent basis was a dysfunctional, abusive, unhealthy one. (He did have maternal grandparents who were loving and kind, but they couldn't be there 24/7.) His aunts and uncles were all also in dysfunctional marriages/divorces, so no help or escape there. As a result, he has nothing to draw from when he feels stress, irritation, anger, sadness, irritation, loneliness; he struggles to even identify the differences between all of those emotions. He is extremely simplistic in his thought processes when it comes to emotions: He feels good/bad, energetic/tired, loved/unloved, happy/sad, full/starving; sometimes he’s capable of mildly annoyed if he's in a really good mood, but mostly his emotions are one extreme or the other (they do not change wildly; he picks one and usually sticks with it for a while).
If he feels stressed in one area of his life, then EVERY area of his life, in his mind, sucks. Very black/white. No grey at all. I’m not sure he knows grey exists. He thinks life should ALWAYS be a happy feeling, and if there is any bad/sad/stress/negative emotion, then that ruins it all and he can only concentrate on that, like a pebble in his shoe.
It’s like if someone gave each of us an oatmeal raisin cookie (mine has my allergens/intolerances removed):
Neither of us are big fans of raisins, but we both like oatmeal cookies. I will just eat around the raisins, or I will pick them out. If that is impossible, I’ll just eat the raisins, even though they aren’t my favorites, because I like oatmeal cookies and I try to look at the positive. “A minute ago I didn’t have a cookie, but now I do have a cookie, even though it has raisins that I don’t like, so life is pretty okay at this moment.” (I try to find something positive, even if it’s just a little thing, and focus on that.)
He will spend his time bitching that his cookie has raisins. He doesn’t like raisins. Don’t they know he doesn’t like raisins? How is he supposed to eat this cookie with raisins? And if I point out that he can make the best of it and just try to pick out the raisins, then he gets all upset. “But I should have got a cookie with no raisins. I shouldn’t have to pick out the raisins. Even if I pick them out, I can still taste them. Life sucks all the time.” (He finds something negative in everything, even if it’s a little thing, and builds it up to overshadow all the good things.)
So, I’m thinking that he has probably inherited some narcissistic tendencies from his father (and some not-so-pleasant stuff from his mother as well), and then he’s added emotional trauma to this, which makes me think emotional immaturity has been stirred into this particular pie (or cookie, if you will). Could this be so?
Here’s a very recent case in point. He works nights. I mostly work days, but my job is such that I sometimes need to be ‘on-call’, and so occasionally I need to go in at weird hours/times. It’s a great job and I love it, and it’s a perfect fit for me and my skill-set, but he’s having a hard time adjusting to me not always being around like I have been for most of our marriage. (Remember, to him not being around=not loving him.) He feels like he’s not the center of attention any more, even though I’ve tried to make up for it.
Due to circumstances beyond our control, we are temporarily sharing a car. We're making the best of it, but it’s a hassle and we are both tired of it (using public transportation is not an option in our rural area and neither of us have coworkers who live close to us). His shifts can be 8-12 hours, depending. Well, on certain days of the month, he works mandatory 12-hour shifts. They are always on specific days. I made work plans based on that schedule, which never changes. But yep, you guessed it…this past Saturday, it changed. He told me that I didn’t need to take him to work that night since he was only working 8 hours, and I was all, “What? No, I really need the car because I already told my boss I would work tonight because I know you always work 12 hours on this day.”
Just how I was supposed to know the schedule changed, I’m not sure, but he completely lost the plot. He started yelling at me while we were still home and it didn’t stop until I dropped him off at work an hour later. I just shut down. He covered every subject; I didn’t love him, I didn’t care about his feelings, nobody EVER cares about his feelings, I always leave him alone, I never have sex with him so that PROVES I don’t love him (I have sat him down and told him, repeatedly, about some physical issues I am having at the moment that really don’t make sex much fun for me which I am under a doctor’s care for, and I have reassured him that I love him very much and I want to have sex with him but I need to get these physical things under control; to his credit, he has never forced me to have sex), I work too much, I shouldn’t have taken the stupid job anyway (he is the one who told me I should probably get a PT job), I don’t get paid enough (I make the going rate for what I do), I don’t clean the house enough, the dishes need washed, I don’t feed him properly, I’ll probably spend all day Sunday running errands for my mother (who is eighty, a manipulative narcissist herself, has health issues, I’m an only child, I have had to step up and help her) and not be home with him, and why am I so upset, what am I starting to cry about now???
Then Sunday, Mother’s Day, he must have felt guilty because he helped me carry in groceries and was nice to me all day. Not in a love-bombing way, not over-the-top or weird, just nice. He’s been nice to me today as well. He did mention in passing that on these scheduled 12-hour shifts that the crew on the other shift always leaves extra work for him to do, and then denies it, and he knows he’s going in to a mess and a ton of extra work (he has a hard, physically demanding job), so that puts him in a bad mood. I don’t know if that was his round-about way of apologizing or what. Yes, he probably was stressed out about going in to a mess at work, and my taking the car didn’t help, and he didn’t handle the stress/anger in a healthy way (to put it mildly). We both could have communicated better about work schedules, but I was just basing my decision to work on his never-changing schedule. It was frustrating, but it wasn’t the end of the world, and it all worked out. His reaction was totally out of proportion to the event.
So is that narcissistic behavior or immature behavior? It’s like he gets mad, he blows up, he comes to himself, he apologizes/acts sorry, loves on me, treats me good, sloooowly builds up anger again, gets silent silenter silentest…blows up again and the whole thing starts over. Why is this still happening? Shouldn’t we be past this by now? It’s hard to explain, and I know some of you won’t understand (and nor should you, based on what you have been through, which is truly horrific, and I am so sorry), but it’s like he comes to himself and realizes how he is acting, but later the hurt and anger take over again. And the cyclic pattern in his life continues.
Anyway, I have been thinking a lot about whether he might be more emotionally immature than narcissistic, or more narcissistic than emotionally immature, or some combo of both, and what I could do to help him and strategies to deal with it myself. NGL, it is really taking a toll on me emotionally. I feel like I have been run through the wringer every day. Some days I cry and cry (when I’m alone, never when he is here, he gets mad when I cry because he can’t handle negative emotions and he would never acknowledge he caused the negative emotion), some days I just shut down and sleep for 12 hours. I have a couple of mental health apps on my phone that I use.
We are at a time in our marriage when I feel like we should be enjoying ourselves (our adult children have moved out and we are a little more financially stable than we were the last time we had no kids at home), but it feels like everything is just falling apart. I feel like we shouldn’t be arguing about this same stuff after thirty-plus years, but here we are, still arguing about whether I love him or not.
Thank you for reading my long and boring post. Just typing it all out helped.

Listening to today’s podcast, Holly, Bridget, and Marston all seemed to cast doubt on how Crystal earned enough money to purchase 8 Los Angeles properties while living at the mansion.
They criticized her presenting herself as a “girl boss” and “building an empire” and seemed to imply that the money came straight from Hef.
I don’t like Crystal at all, but I had an issue with this. I don’t think it’s all that mysterious how Crystal built her property portfolio or earned money.
To me, it seemed like all 3 of them- Holly, Bridget, and Marston, were just jealous of Crystal possibly making wise financial investments that grew her portfolio, and maybe bitter about their own perceived lack of financial success.
When Crystal was on the Bethenny Frankel podcast, Bethenny was astounded that Crystal managed to become a millionaire while living with Hef. Bethenny said something like “I need you to explain exactly how you did that, step by step!”
So Crystal explained. She seemed very uncomfortable but she explained, and gave numbers.
She said that she got a job DJ’ing once per week in Vegas and that she was paid $7,500 per gig. She said that she promoted detox teas on Instagram, once or twice a week. She said she was paid thousands per post, and quoted the $7,500 figure again. She said Hef had no idea she was making money from Instagram and she hid it from him.
She said before on a couple different podcasts that the allowance was originally $1k per week but that it was raised to $2k per week and then raised again. I don’t remember her giving a number for what it was raised to at its highest, she seemed evasive about that.
I believe that unlike Holly and Bridget, but similar to Kendra, Crystal was in fact allowed to do club appearances for money. I don’t know how much she made from those so I’m not even going to include that in the calculations.
But even just with those 3 income streams- $2k per week allowance, $7.5k per week DJ’ing, $7.5k per week Instagram sponsorships- that is $17k per week!!! This is $884,000 per year, and presumably she would have been earning this for at least several years. She was at the mansion for a long time. She wouldn’t have been earning this much every year, but she could have for a few years.
This is absolutely enough money to purchase multiple LA homes, one at a time, over several years! Furthermore, I believe Crystal’s mother was a real estate agent long before the mansion. I remember seeing on a website Crystal said that she also got her real estate license. I don’t know if this is true but this is what she claims. I don’t think Crystal was selling homes to clients or anything but I can believe she had some knowledge of real estate.
Holly said in the episode “I took a class in real estate investment at UCLA, and I know she wouldn’t have been able to buy those properties herself, blah blah blah.” I know Holly brings up this online class constantly and fancies herself a real estate expert, but she is not the only person who knows about real estate! If both Crystal and her mom had real estate licenses, presumably they also knew a thing or two.
Holly purchased her first investment property after a few years of living at the mansion. She bought a property in her hometown in small town Oregon. Crystal’s first property was in Los Angeles. Obviously a Los Angeles property is going to appreciate much faster than a property in a small town in Oregon. Presumably the house could have increased in value by several hundred thousand dollars in just a few years.
I’m just saying- it’s not that far fetched that Crystal could have built a property empire through her own good decisions. I agree with a LOT of the criticisms of Crystal, but not this one.
By the way, Bridget bought a Los Angeles house after moving out of the mansion, lived there for many years, and eventually sold it at a loss. This was surprising to me. You’d think after that 10+ years it would have gone up in value, especially in a city like Los Angeles, but apparently she bought high and sold low. I don’t think Bridget has real estate savvy, so it’s obviously easy for her to criticize Crystal and downplay her achievement.

Yes, I had a lot of time. I originally played this game when it launched during the pandemic and stopped at 1k trophies, and picked it up again ~3 years later. I want to share my thoughts about the last ~15 days while it's still fresh and answer any questions people might have.
I have a 43% win rate in 3600 BR games, and 300+ games with each of the following heroes: Angel, Bastion, Blizzard, Blot, Cyclops, Ghost, Levi, Lynx, Ramsay, Raven, Sparkle, Vi. I have the most fun with Angel, Raven, Ramsay, and Lynx.
I've unlocked every hero except Alice, paid for Blizzard and Vi. I have a full pg set and two skins waiting for when she arrives.

Trophy Tiers

Broadly speaking, the percentage of poor players decreases as you gain higher trophies. Being completely honest, I saw a bunch of mistakes made by enemies, teammates, and myself at 9k trophies. At 10k+ trophies, most of the mistakes I see are my own.

Low Tier: <3k

I have a second account on an old phone at this tier that I use to play under powered / rarely used heroes in casual games. It's mostly bots and occasional humans with rudimentary gameplay.

Mid Tier: 3-7k

People are still misplaying all the time, but in general are improving and trying to coordinate as a team. Pickup teams are pretty easy to create and people are generally pretty friendly. Honestly, I probably had the most fun at this tier since I enjoy playing the game casually with a variety of heroes and different team compositions (vs trying to win all the time).
There's still plenty of bots in offpeak hours.

High Tier: >7k

This is the first tier where it starts to get competitive. Relatedly, this is also the first tier I started seeing bad manners and griefing.
Early on when I was around 2k, I teamed up with some high trophy players and played in 10k games. That's when I learned first hand how much faster and aggressive the game was. On certain maps (Bank, Village, Hotel), fights will often initiate after picking up ~2 items.
As for bad manners, I'm used to it from playing plenty of other online games but enjoyed the fact that Bullet Echo largely doesn't have it. However at 7k+, now you get a lot of people bm'ing when they kill you, if two people fight over an item, etc. It most commonly manifests as sprays/stickers, but also a lot of head shaking and the occasional teamkill grenade for taking "their" item.
Pickup teams are a lot more mercenary. People join up, and if the team loses 1-2 most will leave; there's little to no chat banter anymore. If someone misplays a few times, they often get kicked from the team, the team is disbanded, and/or they get defriended. This, uhh, has totally never happened to me.

10k

The "end game." Heroes' power typically ranges 1650 - 2200 (Ultimate level 70 to Divine). There's relatively few bots during peak times.
The games are fast and brutal, and any small mistake is quickly exploited. My winrate has dropped significantly even when playing my better characters, but I'm learning. Pre-10k, I'd typically open 3x battle and skull chests under 30 minutes. Now, opening battle and skull chests has become significantly harder.

Bravery Road

I don't have any experience with this tier since I lack Divine heroes. Others have shared that it's mostly full of bots.

Heroes

Tier List

This is based on 9k+ trophy BR in the hands of a good player:

• S: Vi, Lynx, Mirage
• A: Blizzard, Ramsay, Raven, Dragoon, Angel, Freddie, Arnie
• B: Firefly, Shenji, Ghost, Alice, Leviathan, Hurricane, Satoshi, Sparkle, Tess, Levi
• C: Blot, Bertha, Doc, Cyclops, Slayer
• D: Bastion, Stalker, Smog

Bastion

Bastion is great for bot farming and low / mid tier gameplay, but is easily outplayed in 7k+ games. I had a bunch of Bastion friends that I invited to 7k+ games and they've always left after a few games due to being outplayed.
Outplaying Bastion is usually done through kiting or baiting and flanking with teammates since their range is too short and movement speed is too slow. Bastion (and Blot to an extent) is outclassed by more mobile shield heroes: Angel, Hurricane, Satoshi.
Leviathan gets a special call out since his turret is great for zoning and has extended spray that can be abused to hit behind walls.

Grenade Users (Firefly/Shenji/Sparkles/Freddie)

Pre-10k, most of these are terrible nade spammers hoping to get an easy kill. I've seen so many Firefly users use more nades than bullets in a round, adding little value chucking nades into thin air. Shenji users, please use your nades to zone the enemies and less about trying to kill them. Also stop burning the grass because you can, especially when you're up against snipers.

Vi

My win rate with Vi is significantly higher than the rest of the field, which shows how broken she is. Even in 9k+ games, the winning team usually has at least one Vi. I think she needs to be nerfed, and she's my most played and highest leveled character (Stellar).
I also have some bad experiences after teaming up with a bunch of Vi-only tryhards (about 6-8 different teammates for 5+ games each). They're generally incredibly aggressive and good at racking up a high kill count, but often lack map awareness or team dynamics (besides spamming, "Let's go!").

Tips

League

Climb as fast as you can, as high as you can since you get more loot per chest depending on your league level, and streaking gets harder the higher you climb in trophies. Bot farming (read below) is the easiest way to streak games and hit the next league level.
I think there is an argument to be made about staying in purple 1. I found it significantly easier to win most of the contracts at purple 1, but I was grouped with all the other grinders once I hit purple 2. This may or may not be a red herring.

Spending Money

Contracts

• 7 day contract hacks (and assuming you have enough time to grind) is the most effective use of money.
• Consistently winning the 21 hr contract for 300 jokers is paramount.
• 3 hr contract (particularly in off hours) can be pretty easy to win for 20 jokers.
• Read the contracts carefully. Often you can use a hero to progress against 2 or more contracts simultaneously.
• Bot farming and SvS is usually the easiest way to quickly get contract points.
• Ghost in KOTH is a great way to grind "The Collector" contract.

Star Pass

• I don't mind spending $15 to get the new hero via the base pass, but I don't think the premium pass is worth it.
• I didn't get tiers 2 and 3 for Vi but still got her to Stellar with a lot of grinding via contract hacks and jokers.

Technology

It's $10/mo. You get a random hero motivated and 8 drone plugins (2 of each color) per week, and 10 tech tokens/day. 70 tech tokens/week is enough to get drone blueprints, 2xpersonal gears boxes, some squad gear, 500 nuts, and 5 costume tokens. Also your name is highlighted in gold.
I think it's great for the first month or two for the personal gear and drone parts, but not sure if it's worth keeping afterwards.

Bots

Recognizing bots means you can adapt your strategy when playing with and against them.

Identification

Pre-game

• in the same bot syndicates: CCCP, Botsavethequeen, Botdamnit, 486DX, etc
• are listed after human players
• don't have drones
• never play as the newer characters: Blizzard, Vi, Shenji, Ramsay, Lynx, Tess

You start recognizing the bot names after a few hundred games.

In game

• immediately opens chests
• goes in a straight line while swinging their flashlight, humans tend to run with their flashlight facing forward except when checking corners
• doesn't use any abilities

Farming (BR, SvS, sabo, koth)

Bot farming is a great way to hit the streak for a league jump or grind for festival tokens.
I find sabo, SvS, and sometimes arcade in offpeak hours (or other region's servers) the easiest modes for bot farming.
Generally bots will collect a few items and start roaming looking for enemies. If a firefight ensues, the bots will start swarming towards noise like zombies.
The best characters to farm bots are those that can do a lot of damage without taking any themselves. Since bots will run in a straight line towards you, assault rifles and snipers excel at bot farming.
Recommended heroes: Bastion, Satoshi, Blot, Hurricane, Levi, Firefly, Blizzard, Cyclops Not recommended: Ghost/Stalker (bots are not affected by cloak), Slayer (fire rate is too slow), SMG users (can't reload fast enough when swarmed)

As teammates

It sucks to get bots as teammates, but if you understand their behavior you can take advantage of it to try and win the round.

• don't get sucked into unnecessary fights, let them die and don't bother reviving
• use them as dumb scouts to flank the enemy
• treat the round as a training exercise on how to win one-vs-many fights. It'll happen more and more often as you climb trophies

Drones

• medpro is great for tanks, assault rifles, and attacking SMGs (Angel, Alice, Freddie, Ghost)
• zenith is great for snipers, Raven/Ghost, 10k+ games
• guard is useless except for the occasional ability to zone enemies

Zenith gets increasingly valuable in 7k+ games as you never have time to revive and/or enemies will camp dead bodies. Zenith's ability to revive through walls can also be exploited.

In game tactics

This is already a long post, so I'll brain dump common improvements / mistakes that I come across. Feel free to ask questions in the comments.

• Don't be greedy and go after risky upgrades. More often than not you're going to get sucked into an early fight. Even if you win that one, you'll quickly get swarmed by bots and/or other teams. It's not worth losing a round because you might get a purple upgrade.
• Don't be greedy for early ammo and upgrades. In 7k+ games, fights can/will happen by the time you've picked up 1-2 items. Taking multiple ammo means losing an effective teammate that can shoot a weapon. If you're a low ammo user (e.g. Vi, Slayer, Bastion), opt for a 2x or 3x ammo pack and leave the 4x ammo pack for high ammo users (e.g. SMGs, assault rifles). Leave and ping optimal upgrades for teammates. This means reserving scopes for snipers, armor for machine gunners, extended magazine for SMG/shotgunners, explosive ammo for DPS.
• Shotgun users should heal at spawn and save the armor pickup for others.
• Generally stick together as a team.
• Don't follow suiciders (bots/humans) and get sucked into unnecessary fights, preferring to fight 2v3v3v3. Yes this conflicts with the above bullet point.
• Learn the map. This means knowing where are the spawns, purple chests, hot zones, and choke points. This means you can anticipate where you'll need to slow down and prepare for a fight (e.g. early game near purple chests). In low/mid tiers, human teammates often run straight for a neighboring spawn while completely ignoring the safe purple chest right behind them because they run straight ahead in the direction they were facing when spawned. I find it easiest to familiarize myself with maps by using heroes with high vision like snipers (particularly Lynx) and Raven.
• Develop map awareness. You can tell who is left based on the gun sounds and the weapon in kill notifications. Generally avoid fights with many teams remaining, and go after the last two teams as they're fighting. If machine gunners are remaining, try to find open spaces. If snipers are remaining, try to initiate fights near corners and obstacles. In low/mid tiers, human teammates will often emulate bots and run straight towards the fight with a complete lack of map awareness.
• Good Shenji users use grenades to zone enemies rather than outright damage. Bad Shenji users kill their teammates / prevent them from being useful. If you're playing with a Shenji teammate, expect that they're going to nade everything and act accordingly.
• Tess users should try to use the lightning ball judiciously against enemy shields or to zone, and not disable their teammates' shields and abilities.
• Cyclops/Raven users should not spam their skill early game, and used selectively late game. It gives away your position and in high tier games only invites unwanted attention. Learn to use scan offensively and defensively when appropriate. At higher trophies, it can be used as a feint for an invasion or to lure enemies into a trap.
• SMG users should use stimpacks offensively rather than only to heal.
• There is a time to initiate and time to fall back. In early/mid tiers, people need to learn to retreat more often (and communicate it to their teammates). I wish I had more actionable advice, but I can tell when a fight was initiated well or poorly. Don't attack that unsuspecting enemy just because you can, but attack if it's the right time to do so.

tldr

I thoroughly enjoyed playing Bullet Echo, bots and all.

I probably spend more time having hypathetical interactions than I do interacting with anyone in real life
Now what can this tell me
It can tell you that in the past this person has behaved in this way towards you. You've fealt like this or you've watched this happen and your memory of this person and event creates an avatar of the person that is unconsciously controlled by you and your emotions
But how cool is it that we can create avitars of other people and have hypathetical conversations with them. It's like our brains download the vibrations that are them and stores it inside a little file
I believe this is where Karl jung comes into play and talks about archetypes. See these interactions all have different characters with different roles that yung refers to as archetypes and in the collective unconscious, these roles exist permanently but in singular consciousness they take the form of the avatars.
And that's a problem I have is that more often than not the interaction has already happened so now I don't know what to say as I'm feeling the climax of the hypathetical scenario rather than hi, how are you how was your day today and I get a bit stuck between what I want to say and what everyone else in the whole wide world wants to do. And you can learn a lot about people that way. But it's really frustrating it's really like living in another dimension of reality.
It can get a bit overwhelming at times and I have bad anxiety, so sometimes I can be a little frustrated at myself and I try not to let that blead into the conversation because its hard to explain why you feel frustrated and overwhelmed when you feel frustrated and overwhelmed. Especially when there's a lot of pressure to explain what's wrong.
Sometimes tho these scenarios can tell you a lot about yourself, your environment, your past and the people you surround yourself with. Not always right away, and if you force it to it can drive you mad
sometimes it's absolutely bogus brainfarts and so jungian psycology can not be used as an absolute dictation of what's going on up there
But it could answer some of the questions we have about gods and angels and demons and psychedelic phenomena and why some of them have similar attributes throughout many different cultures despite being totally seperate from eachother

She said she wanted to go home. She said I didn't care about her unless she was leaving. I was just trying to understand what was going on. She said she was going home. I accepted that she didn't want to stay with me then but it was raining outside. "Can I at least give you a ride? It's raining and cold."
Her answer? "Oh, so you want me to beg for a ride?"
What??? I just offered her a ride.
"If you really wanted to give me a ride, you would have said 'I am giving you a ride home, let's go.' Not made me ask for it."
Look, at this point, I'm just confused. I did drive her home, and she left my car without saying goodbye. I gave her the space she needed and cried on the way home.
But no. She said I was codependent. She said it wasn't good that I was sad just because of her emotions. So, ok, I decided to take her advice. I went to the event we were planning on going on with friends to distract for a few hours. Before I left, she texts me.
"What are you doing?"
"Oh sorry I was getting ready to go to the thing."
"Oh. Fun! I can't wait for the next time you feel like shit and I can go out and have fun."
"Sick. Thanks for that."
"💋"
And then she blocked me everywhere.
I distracted myself. Then I got home and I cried. And I screamed. And I hit my head against the wall and yelled I GIVE UP I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING LEFT TO GIVE. Just that day we had gone through a workbook and discussed what our greatest fears were from each other. Mine were sarcasm and suddenly leaving. She had done both and she didn't give a damn. She actively chose to hurt me. And if it were me 2.5 years ago, maybe I would have had the emotional control to hold it in, to deal with things. But I didn't. I am a shell of who I once was. And I never have the power to consider leaving unless I am fully drained and feel like I can't breathe, I can't stand, I can't live.
So I packed all of her things up. I dumped boxes into my car and I drove to her house. I wanted to talk.
I knocked on her door. She opened it.
"What are you doing here?"
"You won. I don't know what you were trying to win, but whatever it was, you won."
She just stared at me.
I waited for her to say something. Nothing. Then, finally...
"What do you want?"
There was no chance of conversation. No "I'm sorry for using the things you fear most because I knew they would dig in and hurt." No. Just a what do you want? What do I want? To not be hurt. I want to not be blocked for 12 or 24 or 48 or 72 hours with no idea of what's going on until you decide that you're willing to come back. I want to not be put in situations where you say you block me because you don't want a wall of text, but in reality you want to hurt me fast and hard and then run away so that you don't hear the consequences of your actions.
"Your things are in the car. Please get them."
"OK. But only if you promise not to talk to me while I do."
"Sure. If that's what you want I won't talk."
The next day we texted and discussed things. Things were... emotional. Then she disappeared and stopped responding. That would have been fine, had her sister not called me looking for her since she hadn't been able to reach her. My heart dropped. Had something happened? Had she done something? I told her sister, "Hey, bad timing, but you should probably just go check her in person." And then, "And, not my business, but if you find her can you just let me know she's safe? Nothing else, I just want to know she's ok." Her sister said "Of course."
Queue to a few days ago. She asked me to hang out with her in person for a jazz thing. I said hey, look, I am very emotional right now. I want to see you but I can't today. Maybe we can talk in a few days?
Apparently that was the wrong answer.
"Honestly I'm just going to come get my stuff."
She did. And then she said "Leave me alone," so I did.
But I had no idea where we stood. Was this just another week-long block? I messaged her 4-5 days later.
"Hey, I just want to know if the plan is to go no contact or if there's a chance of staying friends or coming back to this in the future so I know whether to start grieving or not."
"Why are you doing this?"
"Sorry I don't want to be a bother I just want to know so I'm not on edge."
She called me. Man, that was hard.
I did my best not to cry. She asked me why I was crying. I said "Because you're my best friend and I don't want to lose you." She laughed. "You're the one that did this." She laughed. She laughed. She laughed.
I asked if theres a chance we would be able to either stay friends in the future or maybe come back to the relationship down the line after we had both worked on ourselves. She said "As long as you don't get emotional or controlling when you see me go on trips with other people."
Ow.
OK, maybe not. But what about controlling?
"You're trying to control me."
"What? When?"
"You're messaging my sister."
"I texted her once because I wanted to make sure you were safe." I then sent her the screenshots to prove this.
"You're contacting my family to try and control me. After we broke up."
"That was the day we broke up."
"LIES."
"What? That was Sunday?"
"You dropped my s*** off on saturday night. You texted my sister on sunday."
"Oh. Sorry. I guess it was saturday. Sorry, everything's been blending together in this wall of confusion and pain."
She laughed.
She said "Look, I'm just not going to be there for you anymore emotionally when you're never there for me."
"What was I supposed to do that night you wanted me to drop you off. Like, what was the best outcome?"
"Come over and hug me. Hold me."
"You said you didn't want to be next to me. You said you wanted me to take you home. And when I pulled in you just got out of the car and left without saying goodbye. Was I supposed to follow you into your house after all that?"
She changed the topic.
"But instead you chose to go have fun with your friends."
"Was I supposed to go home and cry alone? Can I not distract? I am not even sure why this started in the first place I am so confused and just wanted to stop crying and distract and go to this thing that you had made me confirm my attendance to just an hour prior to you leaving."
"Must have been nice having fun." She laughed loudly. "OK I have to get ready for work. Bye."
And then she hung up.
The amount of pain I felt in that moment. The amount of guilt. I did this. Even she said it. This was my fault my fault my fault. I shouldn't have reacted by dropping her stuff off. I shouldn't have done this. I shouldn't it was my fault.
But I had nothing left. She stopped caring about me so quickly. She laughed when I cried.
I sent her a final message and went no contact. I final sorry to top off the mountain of apologies I had given her over the last two and a half years.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I was just trying to stop hurting myself. I will love you forever and if you ever need me you know where I live and are always welcome in. I feel that I am causing you pain and maybe resentment so I will let you move on to somebody better for you now. Goodbye."
And then I went no contact.
It's been a few days now and the pain comes and goes. Sometimes it's unbearable. Sometimes it's replaced by anger. And sometimes I just wish she would have given my my shirt back, the one passed down to me from my mother, the one I held near and dear to my heart that she would steal to wear. She has the rest of my stuff but really all I want is the shirt and I'll be at peace. But I've now initiated no contact on my end so perhaps my shirt and what it means to me is gone. Maybe she threw it away already. I don't know.
And these emotions come and go and sometimes I laugh and then the laugh turns into a gasp as my chest is stabbed with the most agonizing pain I can imagine and I feel like a fish out of water, making ungodly noises as I hope to black out and make the pain stop. And sometimes I imagine her coming back through my door like she used to, walking in and kissing me and picking me up and carrying me to bed and laying me down and holding me, her skin against mine, her lips against mine, her soul against mine.
But now, when that happens, I just need to remember one thing:
She laughed.

It's a tough one
A few months back I heard a song. Here is the details from my memory: Singer: male singer Hint on song title: possibly starts with F Clue on song melody: during lyrics, it kinda sounds like "am I wrong" by Nico and vinz Hint on background music: very much similar to the background of "one last time" by ariana grande (possibly the strongest clue but still difficult to search with)
I listened to this song in one of the radio stations of Los Angeles. I searched with time the song was played in the radio station website but this was never showed. Have been trying since but no luck 😞

hi there! long one, but please give me a hand 😔
I'm going through a situation and I wanted to hear some thoughts outside my friendship's circle.
I'm going out with a guy for 2 months, we met on an app and I was 2 years without going out with anyone before him (I think it's relevant). By the first dates I thought we were too different, and thought it probably wouldn't work out bc of that, but it was kinda fun and I never really had this sort of casual dating before, so I thought I should try, further he was very loving so it weighted on my decision of giving a shot.
But since I'm not the most casual person, I ended up getting involved even though I always had some doubts bc of our differences.
Anyway, exactly one month ago, I had to be on the hospital for a couple of days and he went to spend the night there with me, which made me go more into him, cause I thought it was quite nice of him.
After I went out, we started seeing each other even more than we were before. We were seeing each other twice a week, and after the hospital I basically started spending 4 or 5 days a week with him.
two weeks ago we had an argument, towards some stupid things. But he ended being very rude to me in the end of the discussion. Told me to f*ck off, compared me to his ex which he critiques all the time and etcetera. I decided to leave his place when it happened and he started to apologize a lot, and asked me to come back after my work for us to talk, but when I came back he kinda acted like it was already solved and I didn't want to have the headache of going through that again so I left that be.
When we were together, we would split anything we buy on the groceries, cause mostly we were eating at his place.
So last week, I was arriving at my job and texted him to see if he was going to the groceries, cause I would send him some money if he was.
He told me to send, I said the things I wanted myself and told him to get something for us to eat.
When I left my work, he said he didn't make it cause he was still working (he's a tattooist), so I went there myself. I saw that the eating things we would get were too expensive, so I decided to just get some soda and some snacks both of us like, so I would ask food when I get his house.
When I arrived there, his friends were still there (he was tattooing one of them), so I thought it wouldn't be polite to ask him what he wanted to eat there in front of everyone, cause it would look like me wanting them to leave. He was the whole day without eating, so I asked the same thing we had the day before, cause I knew it was cheap, good and quick.
When the food arrived, I put it for both of us (his friends had already left) and asked which plate did he want. He said none, cause he still didn't want to eat.
He transfered me back the money I sent him earlier and I told him: "you know you still have to send me some money right?" he asked why and I said, "this money you sent was the one I gave to you earlier, for us to split the groceries. There's still your part of the groceries and of the food". I didn't say it rudely or anything, but he got mad cause I said that. He said that I didn't ask if he wanted to eat that, and when I said it was ok then, that he could split only the coke since he didn't want to eat that food, he kept saying a lot of things, things such as "you're not my daughter for me to pay for you" and that sometimes it looks for him that I want to take advantage of things, and stuff like that.
Just for the record, the amount he had to send me was the equivalent of less than 3 dollars.
Anyway, we started arguing, bc of that, cause he wouldn't stop saying that I shouldn't have asked for food without asking him first - even though I said it was ok, that he didn't have to split, that I thought he wanted and that's why I said for us to split - and at some point I lost my patience and answered him that he could try different on his next relationship (when he saw I wasn't answering him anymore and said to me that he was going to communicate more about the things he doesn't like, so things like that wouldn't happen)
it was still 2:am when it happened, so I decided I would wait the day after to leave. After that he had another small situation, in which he said some really mean things about me, and I didn't control myself, and started crying in front of him. After that I went to the couch and he followed me, to apologize again, like it happened on the other week. I told him I didn't want to be around him, so he left, but came back again to try another time apologizing, to each I said: "I don't wanna talk to you, I wanna wait for tomorrow, leave and end up things between us". And as he kept saying he was sorry, I told him it was coward of him to apologize, cause after being really mean to me he was doing it to feel better but it would make it worse for me to leave, cause I had already said to him that I wanted to keep that bad image of him so it would be easier for me to disattache. He said it wasn't to feel good, it was because he liked me and wanted us to stay together. He kept pushing to make me laugh and I'm not a resentful person, so once I give in, I don't get mad back...
We went back to his room, slept and the next day he mentioned the fact that I cried in a slightly perjorative way. Because of that, I decided to take my things with me when I was going to work, in case I decided it was better not to come back.
When he saw it, he got a bit mad (not arguing mad) but he said that he could send me my things so I didn't have to go with a heavy weight for work. As I was saying goodbye, I said "if I decide to not come I tell you then", to each he said that maybe he wouldn't want me to come.
Anyway
After that, I decided to stay home (it happened thursday to friday), and we talked a little by text on saturday.
Saturday and sunday were stressful and unproductive, cause we couldn't keep a normal conversation, he kept saying that I had to say that I was wrong (bc of the food I asked and because he said I manipulated things so I wouldn't admit I was wrong of asking the food).
Today, I said I was sorry because of the stress we spent with this unproductive conversations, and said that even though, it was offensive of him to keep calling me manipulative and stuff like that.
To which he said that he I should have said I was sorry three days earlier, so we wouldn't have this headache, and said that we should get back seeing each other only on the weekends.
Anyway, I don't know if he said that because he wants to get away and wanna do this slowly in order of "not hurting me". I'm quite confuse about wether I should or shouldn't stay with him, but I'm attached to him already. After these messages I mentioned, the last ones, he was kinda cold to me, and I can't help to feel a lil bit sad about it, even though he acted the way he did at his place. Also, I don't know if he indeed were sort of abusive... I my friends say he was, but friends always wants to protect us, so I don't know if their judgement are the best ones...

I am STILL NOT the Original Poster. That is u/ta-bff-234324. He posted in AITAH and amiwrong but posted the same text in both subreddits. I chose to use the ones from AITAH
Thanks again to u/Literally_Taken for the rec and to Choice Evidence and u/chickenoodledeprived for letting me know about the update!
Previous BORU here. New update marked with ****\*
Trigger Warning: racism
Mood Spoiler: tentatively happy ending
Original Post: April 1, 2024
My (29M) best friend Jess (29F) keeps on mentioning my ex (29F) in front of my fiancee, and I am thinking of cutting her off. I want to know if I am overreacting, or if Jess is in the wrong.
For context, Jess and I went to the same high school and the same college. We were friends in high school. However, since we both went to the same out-of-state college, we became best friends since then. We have always been there for each other during the best and worst times. However, things have always been platonic, and she is more like a big sister to me, who made sure I stay on the right track.
I have only been in two long-term relationships so far. One was with my ex Lisa for 7 years. We met in college and dated all through our college years. Lisa and Jess also became good friends, too. After college, Lisa and I just grew apart and had different goals in life. I became "boring" after college as I was working on my PhD while doing a full time job. Lisa broke up with me as she wanted to party on weekends, while I was home studying. I was heartbroken, but I don't think I ever blamed her or had resentment towards her, as I understood my decisions were selfish and should not hold her back from having the best life.
Jess always stood by me and comforted me during that time. Jess and Lisa were good friends and Jess always kept on telling me that Lisa loves me and will be back one day when I am ready. I foolishly held on to that hope and stayed friends with Lisa. That was until I met my fiancee Yang. After I finished my PhD, I got a nice job in a big tech company. Yang joined our team a year after me. We started going out for drinks, and dinner and we started dating seriously pretty soon. We are happy together, and financially in a great place. Needless to say, I stopped talking to Lisa after I started dating Yang.
I proposed to Yang a year after we started dating and got engaged last year. Jess has been acting weirdly since we got engaged. One of the first things she said to Yang after we got engaged was how I had planned the same thing for Lisa (proposing on a local hiking trail). It was a bit off-putting that she was bringing up Lisa whom I broke up with almost 5 years ago on such a happy occasion. However, Yang asked me to not spoil my mood, as she felt Jess was just commenting on how I had that plan in mind for years. Since then, every time we meet, Jess without fail brings up Lisa and how the things I am doing are all the things I had planned with Lisa. This happened when we bought a house, planned for vacations, etc. Jess always starts with some nostalgic story and then brings up how Lisa and I were so happy together. She is still good friends with Lisa and keeps giving me updates about Lisa and how great Lisa is doing at work when no one is asking for it. It felt like she was painting a rosy picture of Lisa to Yang and telling Yang that she would always be second to Lisa.
Yang told me Jess's comments bothered her, and I also felt the same. I have brought this up with Jess many times and asked her not to do it. However, she says she will try but since I dated Lisa for 7 years, she would be part of many stories from the past. Also, she asked me why talking about Lisa bothers me and if I still have feelings for her. I have reduced hanging out with Jess. However, she is close with my mom and is always invited to all our family parties and holidays.
I talked to my mom and sister about this and they feel I am overreacting. They feel Jess is just telling stories and since the stories are mostly from college days and later, Lisa will be a character in the story. They also feel I should not be bothered by Jess mentioning Lisa since we broke up a long time ago. I feel that it's disrespectful to Yang as she doesn't need to hear about all the fun Lisa and I had when we were together and how we were planning to get married. Do you think I am the asshole to stop here or Jess is truly acting out of line?
Relevant Comments:
Commenter: Probably need to separate your time with your fiancé away from your friend. ... On a side note, your friend comes across poorly on one other aspect. When you were too busy to date so you could study. She is encouraging you to stay available while your ex goes about dating around? Think she ever encouraged your ex to not? Or do you think she was telling your ex she could have all the fun she wanted cause you'd still be around? Food for thought.

OOP: She thought we were 24 when we broke up and she always justified that Lisa was young and it's natural to date around before you settle down. She also encouraged me to do the same. However, after my breakup, I decided that I would not be in a relationship (based on what happened to the previous one) and never dated anyone until after I graduated.

Commenter: Not wrong, in fact it's thoughtful of your finace's feelings. " Jess always kept on telling me that Lisa loves me and will be back one day when I am ready." - yikes.
An easy: "Jess, you keep bringing up my ex, and keep making comments which are dismissive of my relationship with Yang. I am telling you point blank that this is harming our friendship and it saddens me that you dismiss my feelings as being unimportant on this topic. If you can't respect me, and my relationship with Yang, please understand why it will likely end our friendship."

OOP: We have had this exact conversation. Jess then proceeded to ask Yang is she offended by her telling stories about me. Yang was polite and said she is ok. Then she told me I am being too sensitive.

Commenter: Op do you know if Lisa is married? Maybe Jess is trying to sabotage your engagement so you can be with Lisa.

OOP: I know Lisa is single. She has not been in any serious long term relationship after me. Infant, Jess always makes it a point to bring that up regularly and update me, even after I tell her I have no interest. My mom loves gossip and they also discuss a out Lisa regularly.

Jess is just being a mean girl/have you talked to Lisa at all?
At this point, I suspect Jess is just being mean to Yang. I would have cut her off long ago if she was not so close to me or my family for so many years.
Lisa is out of the picture, to be honest. I have completely gone no contact with her for the last 2 years.
Jess has feelings for you:
That's not true. I did not write it since I thought it was irrelevant, but Jess is happily married and has a 3 year old kid.
There is no consensus bot on AITAH, but top comments were NTA
Update Post: April 23, 2024 (22 days later)
I wrote a post a month ago regarding my friend Jess mentioning my ex constantly in front of my fiancée. Thanks to everyone who commented, and how inappropriate it was. However, the last month has been nothing but crazy and I still trying to make sense of what happened so far.
After my post, I decided to talk to Jess and gave her an ultimatum not to speak about my ex Lisa again. I know Jess and Lisa are still friends, but I was uncomfortable of her comparing my fiancée Yang with Lisa all the time. I broke up with Lisa 5 years ago, and she is nothing but a faint memory in my past. Jess kept on defending herself and telling me that I was with Lisa for most of my adult life and it's hard to tell any stories from the past without including her. She also blamed me for being emotionally childish and just forgetting about Lisa when she was with me for 7 years. Finally, Jess agreed that she will not bring up Lisa in front of Yang, and I should also not treat Lisa as she does not exist since she is still Jess's friend. I informed Yang about our conversation. Although she was appreciative about it, she said I did not need to do it and she knows how much I love her and every time Jess brings up my Lisa, she feels sorry for Lisa that she let a guy like me go.
Yang went to visit China two weeks ago for a month as we plan to get married in her hometown. She is taking care of her shopping as well as preparations for the wedding. Jess invited me to her house that Friday for dinner as I was home alone. I am also good friends with her husband, and we were all just chatting and drinking in the living room. Around 7.30pm, the doorbell rang, and Jess excitedly went to open the door. To my surprise, it was fucking Lisa at the door. She was all dressed up as if she were ready for a date and came in. I had not seen her in person for almost 3 years and I was shocked to see her. She sat down and started making small talk with me. I was extremely uncomfortable and went into the kitchen to talk to Jess. I was angry at her and asked her what was going on. She kept on telling me that it's been 5 years since the breakup and to get over it and be nice to Lisa. She said Lisa was excited to meet me and she thought we were all adults and could have one fun evening together. We had a fight and I told her that she should not have invited Lisa after our conversation the other day and I do not want to be friends with her anymore. I went into the living room and politely excused myself and told everyone that I had a work emergency and had to leave early. Lisa looked sad, but I genuinely felt uncomfortable to be made to hang out with my ex without my consent.
I came home and called Yang. I have never seen her more furious, and she told me she is not comfortable with Jess anymore as she has some agenda that we do not know about. It's different to talk about Lisa, but to invite her without consulting is not ok. I also felt the same and I called Jess the next day and told her that she crossed a line, and I was terribly upset with her. I stopped taking her calls and ghosted her. I also told my mom and sister about the whole incident.
Last Sunday, my mom called me for lunch. When I got there, I saw Jess was already there. I told my mom that I do not want to talk to Jess and can't stay. However, she asked me to sit as they all wanted to talk to me. I have a glutton for punishment and decided to hear them out. My mom started with how Jess has been there for me all these years and only has my best interest at heart. She kept on telling me that they are the three people (mom, sister, and Jess) that love me the most. Jess started saying how she felt that I was making a big mistake in not having to hear what Lisa had to say. She told me that Lisa was my first love and Lisa is now ready to settle down and we can pick where we left off. She reminded me how broken I was when Lisa left me and how life is giving me a second chance. My sister also chimed in and said how they all liked Lisa more than Yang and how we both looked so great together. Finally, my mom started saying how our culture was so different than Yang and it is hard for them to relate to her. I asked them in what way, and my mom said that they did not understand what Yang says sometimes and have nothing in common with her. Then my mom asked me to think about how Lisa and I would have such wonderful looking kids, while if I marry Yang, our kids will look so different. I started getting their drift and I probed more. My mom told me how our kids would look Asian with "small eyes" and not like any others in the family.
I asked my mom if she cared about my kids looks more and not about how smart they will be since Yang has a PhD. She blew it off, and I realized she just did not want me to marry Yang because she was Chinese and not white. My mom told me to forgive Jess and my mom asked Jess to talk to Lisa on my behalf and asked her if she would be interested in getting back together with me. My mom was adamant that since I loved Lisa so much, I should be happy and pick up things where we left off as that is the best for everyone. I have never been so angry and may have said a lot of unkind things to all of them before I left
I am so depressed right now. I not only lost my best friend, but also am not sure how I can move on from what my mom said. My mom and sister raised me and that is the reason where I am today. However, I cannot get over how racist they are being and how they were just pretending to like Yang all these years while actively working on breaking us up. I have been so shocked that I have not told any of this to Yang so far. I might wait for her to come back next week and talk to her in person.
Again, thanks everyone for all your messages on the last post as they helped me a lot to think through the situation. My life is more fucked up than I could imagine, and I cannot imagine how dejected Yang will feel after hearing all this.
*****New Update Post: May 7, 2024 (5 weeks after OG post)****\*
I wrote a post two months ago regarding my best friend Jess constantly bringing up my ex when talking to my fiancée Yang. I wrote an update two weeks ago about my mom, sister and Jess scheming about trying to get me back with my ex Lisa because they were uncomfortable with Yang being Chinese. They tried to do it when my fiancée was visiting her parents and I felt so betrayed by their actions.
As I said in the previous post, I blew up on my mom and sister about what they said and immediately left. I did not take calls from them or answer texts for the next several days. Their messages initially were anger towards me on why I left before they could finish what they wanted to say. However, I think they realized on day 3 that they might have crossed the line this time and became extremely apologetic. I finally messaged them to leave me alone and not to contact Yang or I until we contact them. Jess did not message me the whole time.
I did not tell Yang about the situation until she came back home 9 days ago. I initially did not know how to bring up the subject, but she sensed something was wrong and asked me about it. I was so worried about hurting her, but I told her about what happened. I was upfront about the stunt Jess pulled and she was angry at Jess. I also told her about my visit to my mother's place, but she did not react with any anger. She just asked me if I was ok.
The next few days were confusing where I was more upset than Yang. She was just excited showing me all pictures and telling me stories. Finally, on last Thursday evening, she opened up and asked me if I was ok about my mom's behavior and what I plan to do. I told her my thoughts and how I cannot forgive them for what they said about her being Asian and them wanting me to marry a Lisa because she was white. I asked her why she was not more upset as it was bothering me.
She told me that when she told her parents about me, they had the exact same reaction for her dating someone who was not Chinese. Her family is very traditional, and her parents were very upset about her decision. It took them a few months to warm up to me and accept me. She never told me about this because she wanted me to have good relationship with her parents. She told me that now they are the most excited doing arrangements for our wedding.
She told me that she has always felt something was off when she talked to my mom, my sister or Jess and they did not like her. My mom and sister would be very friendly with her in front of me, but never invited her for anything when I am not around. She suspected that it may be due to fact that she is not white and does not understand the American traditions. She said she is not upset with them and now that this is in the open, she should talk to them and assure them that she would be as good of a wife as Lisa or any other girl. She said that she does not want to break a family in order to start a new one.
Despite my protests, Yang invited my mom and sister for lunch on Sunday. She said that it would be good for us to talk about everything and hear why they are concerned about her marrying me. I was really not happy with this, but Yang spent most of Sunday morning cooking for them.
When my mom and sister arrived, there were a lot of waterworks and apologies. My mom apologized to Yang and me for her behavior and told us that she would never bring it up again. My sister also was quiet and had tears in her eyes. There were a lot of blame games. My mom and my sister were blaming Jess for constantly telling them how Yang might not be great for me and how she won't fit into our family. My mom and sister fought with Jess after I left and Jess blamed Lisa. Based on Jess's story, Lisa has been depressed for the last few years and when I suddenly got engaged to Yang, it became worse. Jess thought I was also depressed after Lisa left me, because I did not date anyone for 3 years. In reality, I just wanted to focus on my work and studies and never had time. So, Lisa convinced Jess that she has to get back together with me as that is what I wanted too. Jess said how sorry she felt for Lisa as she was her longtime friend and listened to her plan as she thought it was good for everyone.
My mom and sister told us that I should stay away from Jess because she orchestrated the whole situation. They kept on hugging Yang and apologizing to her. Yang in turn also started crying and telling them that she will do better to fit in with them. It was all a big mess. I am still skeptical of my mom's change in heart, but I also want to see Yang happy. However, I think it will take a lot of time and healing before I could truly trust my mom and sister.
Currently, my mom invited us to lunch at her place next week and told me that Jess will not be there. Jess has still not message me or Yang. I really don't know what I can do in this situation. I am still upset and furious at my mom, but I also want to respect Yang's effort to keep the family together. Thanks to everyone for all the messages and supportive comments. It really helped reading them when I was feeling very sad.

Hi,
Looking for options to own a home while currently renting in Los Angeles.
So here’s my plan:

• fine affordable land
• drop a tiny home or ADU on there
• call it a day

How realistic is this? What benefits or risks may be involved for a first time home or land buyer? Am I in the right subreddit for this question? What would you do to realistically get into a home in or around Los Angeles?
Thanks

Last Sunday, I took my mom out along with some of my titas for a Mother's Day dinner. One of the titas brought her own mom along, which makes it the first time I've met auntie (auntie nalang kesa lola).
Over the course of the dinner, we were just chatting, exchanging updates blah blah when auntie asked how old I am.
"25 po", I answered.
"Ay nasa tamang edad na pala. Mag-asawa ka na", auntie said enthusiastically.
At this age I've already heard this comment a million times kaya sinasabayan ko nalang. "San po yung aasawahin? Nasa labas na po ba?" which made them laugh. I thought that was the end of it. Unfortunately, she really won't let it go. We'll move to another topic but she'll find a way to circle back to my single-ness.
Several exchanges would include:
Auntie: Sa ganyang edad, kasal na ko. Magpakasal ka na para mabigyan mo na ng apo yang mama mo. Maganda na naman trabaho mo, makakabuhay ka na ng bata. (I'm an only child)
Me: Ay nako, hindi ko pa po afford. Mga ganitong dinner pa lang po ang afford ko, hindi ko pa kaya gatas at diaper. (I paid for the dinner, Mother's Day eh)
Auntie: Sayang ganda mo kung di ka magkakaanak. Wag din naman kasi masyadong mataas ang standard.
Me: Ay auntie kayo na po nagsabi na maganda ako, sayang kung hindi ako pipili nang mabuti.
Auntie: Sige ka tatanda kang mag-isa niyan katulad nitong anak ko (referring to my tita, who brought her along)
Me: Okay na pong wala auntie, kesa mali. Hehe
On the drive back home, my mom also said auntie would still talk about how I should start dating na. I'm also grateful my mom has my back because she told auntie na she trusts me enough to know what's good for me and she's not rushing me.
I know auntie didn't mean to offend, it's just that that's how they were back in their day. Unfortunately auntie, iba na po ngayon and I appreciate your concern but I'm fine and I'll be fine :)
LOVE YOU, MUM! HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY AND I'M GRATEFUL I DON'T HEAR THOSE KINDS OF COMMENTS FROM YOU!!

So I work with I’m gonna call her O. O and I originally got off to a good start until she asked me for $40. I gave her half that after that she texted me almost every weekend to the point I had to unfriend her on social media. Not only that she’d ask me personally questions that I didn’t wanna answer. I had a job at Wendy’s and it left me with anxiety(my life was threatened and after I fought back I was let go). I told her about how I didn’t like that people were so messy at fitting rooms and I wished people cleaned up after using it and she went and told I’m gonna call her Mrs. K, she told her I told O that I said she never cleans up. Which is not true because I have had seen her clean up good handful of times. Sunday not only is she 10-15 minutes late “getting a drink” in a small cup she also mentions something about my old job and how I should’ve just went with it, but completely talk smack about me and LIED again to someone i can’t mention “yeah she told me you called me lazy”. I honestly have no idea what I’ve done to her but what’s she’s going around doing is very frustrating!!!

Link me to your favorite Los Angeles based shoegaze (and adjacent) bands! I'm trying to find more locals to follow and having a hard time finding any shoegaze shows/bands that play in the area regularly. Thanks in advance!

Last Sunday, I took my mom out along with some of my titas for a Mother's Day dinner. One of the titas brought her own mom along, which makes it the first time I've met auntie (auntie nalang kesa lola).
Over the course of the dinner, we were just chatting, exchanging updates blah blah when auntie asked how old I am.
"25 po", I answered.
"Ay nasa tamang edad na pala. Mag-asawa ka na", auntie said enthusiastically.
At this age I've already heard this comment a million times kaya sinasabayan ko nalang. "San po yung aasawahin? Nasa labas na po ba?" which made them laugh. I thought that was the end of it. Unfortunately, she really won't let it go. We'll move to another topic but she'll find a way to circle back to my single-ness.
Several exchanges would include:
Auntie: Sa ganyang edad, kasal na ko. Magpakasal ka na para mabigyan mo na ng apo yang mama mo. Maganda na naman trabaho mo, makakabuhay ka na ng bata. (I'm an only child)
Me: Ay nako, hindi ko pa po afford. Mga ganitong dinner pa lang po ang afford ko, hindi ko pa kaya gatas at diaper. (I paid for the dinner, Mother's Day eh)
Auntie: Sayang ganda mo kung di ka magkakaanak. Wag din naman kasi masyadong mataas ang standard.
Me: Ay auntie kayo na po nagsabi na maganda ako, sayang kung hindi ako pipili nang mabuti.
Auntie: Sige ka tatanda kang mag-isa niyan katulad nitong anak ko (referring to my tita, who brought her along)
Me: Okay na pong wala auntie, kesa mali. Hehe
On the drive back home, my mom also said auntie would still talk about how I should start dating na. I'm also grateful my mom has my back because she told auntie na she trusts me enough to know what's good for me and she's not rushing me.
I know auntie didn't mean to offend, it's just that that's how they were back in their day. Unfortunately auntie, iba na po ngayon and I appreciate your concern but I'm fine and I'll be fine :)
LOVE YOU, MUM! HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY AND I'M GRATEFUL I DON'T HEAR THOSE KINDS OF COMMENTS FROM YOU!!

Click here to submit your pick

(To confirm your pick, mention the team that you chose in the comment section) Click here to view real-time standings, and game results

• System created by vacuum2440
  
• The daily threads can be found easily using our subreddit /baseballnightlypick
  

Notes/Leaders/Etc:

• Yesterday’s game: The Mariners beat the Royals 6-2
• George Kirby got the win, Brady Singer took the loss, and Andres Munoz earned the save.
• Aceg0907 has the overall lead with 33.
• raystheroof1, and JRE0714 lead the month of May with 8.
• Longest current winning streak: jb211 and Ryning with 5.
• Longest current losing streak: A_Gaming_Historian with 6
• The Mariners @ Twins series is omitted from tomorrow’s vote as it was selected 5/4
• The Tigers @Guardians series is omitted from tomorrow’s vote as it was selected 5/5
• The Twins @ Blue Jays series is omitted from tomorrow’s vote as it was selected 5/4
• The Braves @ Mets series is omitted from tomorrow’s vote as it is the Sunday Night Game.
• Want to get daily email or phone reminders whenever a new thread is posted? If so follow the instructions in this post! It’s simple to set up, and you won't forget to pick again!

Today's game will be: Los Angeles Dodgers (27-15) @ San Francisco Giants (19-23) at 9:45 PM ET.
MLB.com preview, and analysis
The probable starting pitchers are:
Gavin Stone(3-1, 3.55 ERA 27K) vs Keaton Winn (3-5, 5.63 ERA 29K)
Submit your picks in the automated system above, and good luck!
If you are unaware of what this competition is... please click this link as it will explain what is going on.
Here is a list the teams selected the least and most if you are stuck between picking different matchups. I would advise you to only use this list as a tiebreaker between close matches. I do not recommend using this list if you believe the matchup will be a blowout.
Washington Nationals, Los Angeles Angels, Chicago White Sox, and Tampa Bay Rays have the least amount of games with 1.
Atlanta Braves and Los Angeles Dodgers have the most games picked with 7.

I (M28) moved in with a couple that are a friend of a friend type deal. They (M28 and F27) own a home together and have 2 other housemates living with them. We are all working professionals. Upon moving in, the dynamic was great. I'm always at work or gone from the home so I rarely interacted with them, rent is always 2 weeks early, I keep the place clean, I don't bring guests over. Additionally, they have 3 cats from the couple and 2 cats from one of the other housemates. I play with the cats and will sometimes clean their kitty litter area if it gets too messy, I don't expect anything out of it I just genuinely like their cats.
When I moved in, part of my lease agreement stated that I could have a dog. Prior to signing the lease and prior to moving in I had voiced that I intended to get to get a dog. Several months later I was out and about and saw some puppies, I went up to view them and one of them was crying and then crawled on me. I picked the puppy up, it stopped crying then peed on me.. I immediately knew that was my dog. I'm not one to get emotional and act on impulse but I knew that was my dog.
I called up my housemates (the owners) and told them that I will likely get a dog by the end of the weekend. I texted so that I could have it in writing that I was going to get a puppy, the puppy was to stay in my room away from the stay in my room to quarantine just in case it was sick. I am going to come home every day for lunch to feed the puppy, play with him, feed him etc. Additionally, I was going to limit the amount of hours I worked to put a lot of time into my pup. I also stated that if it didn't work out, it would hurt my soul but, I could easily re-home my pup and have him stay with my mom.
I f*cked up and ended up getting the dog that day but several hours later, making sure my mom was okay with possibly taking the dog if it didn't work out. I got my dog on a Saturday and that day I bought all his necessities, including a travel bag/crate to put him in so that I could keep him off the ground just in case he was sick with something and I didn't know.
That Sunday, he stayed in my room, and I quarantined myself in there as a precaution. I made an appointment with a Vet for Monday (2 days after I had got him). I took half the day off of work so that I could take him. I spent a LOT of money to get him evaluated and tested for possible transmissible diseases that could get the cats sick. I asked the vet all the right questions in terms of the do's and don'ts about puppy health. Specifically asked, "can my dog get the cats sick?" The Vet said "not unless my dog is sick and the cats get around him or specifically his poo." I followed up with, "Can the cats get my dog sick?" He said, "not unless the puppy is in direct contact with the cat's feces." I continued to quarantine my pup, got him some artificial turf, began to crate train and potty train immediately. I got his results quick, by Wednesday... he came back with a clean bill of health and had an appointment that following Saturday for his first dose of distemper (parvo vaccine). He got his first parvo vaccine and was given his first dose of topical anti-flea medicine. During this visit, I asked the vet two questions 1) Can I start taking my dog out in my backyard to potty train him? 2) Will my dog get the cats sick? Answer: 1) So long as you know that no other dogs have been back there to pee/poo and he's not in direct contact with pee/poo. 2) No, especially now that we know that he is not a carrier of anything.
At this point, in order to potty train my dog, when I catch him squatting in my room, I'm picking him up and taking him to the door, having him ring (touch a bell thing), and taking him to a specific spot in the back yard. When he's done, I carry him back in or stay outside with him to play a little since we're confined to only being in my room and the backyard. After which, I carry him and bring him back in. I'm kind of in my own world as I am really happy but I begin to notice that the owners are being passive aggressive, they aren't asking about the puppy or how he's doing or even saying "hi" to me... hell .. they haven't even made an attempt to meet him. It didn't hit me until I asked one of them if they wanted to meet the puppy and they responded with "nah, I'm good. I'm okay." I was immediately thrown back thinking to myself "who doesn't want to meet a puppy?"
I came home from work one day, put the puppy in his case and took him out to play/poo/pee. I brought him back in and I finally heard the business. The girlfriend was pissed to the point where you can hear that she wanted to cry (that cracked voice sound). "I can't believe you did this, it was impulsive. You got the dog without even asking us. He can get our cats sick. He can bring in fleas, we're very serious about fleas. You did not discuss this with us. We had a similar situation with our last roommate that didn't take care of his cat and neglected it." It went on and on and on. I calmly responded with, "Please do not equate me with another individual. I took my dog to the vet not even 2 days after I got him, since then he's been in my room and in my room only. He already has one of his shots, is on anti flea meds, gets his second dose April 20th and third May 18th." She emotionally goes on and on and effectively makes it sound like I'm incompetent... I'm an electrical engineer... I'm not stupid by any means. I got her questions answered but she still requested that I carry him in his case despite already establishing that he cannot get the cats sick, whatever, I'm still honoring that request.
We are all talking normal again but still, they have not made an attempt to meet the puppy nor ask about my puppy. They just see me taking him out to the backyard or leaving with him. The only puppy related thing they asked is that I spray water over where he pees in the backyard because it can kill the grill. My puppy is 4 - 5 lbs at 10 weeks old, he pees milliliters, we have san augustine grass, this grass is literally unkillable short of not watering it (this request I do not honor as I just found it completely irrational, when he gets bigger... sure.. right now though?).
I feel like I'm walking on egg shells here. I want to move but this place is 25 minutes (without traffic) from my job and is affordable. I have three options 1) Move out further from work and get my own place. 2) Move back in with my mom who lives 55 miles away from my job. 3) Re-home my dog. First two options mean that I will not be able to go home for lunch to take my dog out to pee/poo and play/eat. Third option, is the nuclear one and I don't want to touch it.
I don't know how to go about this, I know I jacked up by impulsively getting the dog but he's here and I'm making it work but at the same time feel like I'm keeping him prisoner in my room.
My housemates are cool, they're well educated and nice people but man, they are passive aggressive as heck. It kills me that they won't even acknowledge my puppy, he's done nothing wrong. I kills me more because he loves people and gets excited to meet new people. When I'm gone at work, he does not cry, bark, etc. He's just chill'n with his music (low volume), chewing on his toys, searching for snacks that I've hid in his play area, sleeping or waiting for me. My housemates legit do not have to do anything, I have not asked anything of them and it kills me that they won't even acknowledge him.
How do I go about this?
tldr: I got a puppy, am a responsible owner but owners are being weird about me having a dog despite it being okay on lease. I don't want to move due to proximity to work.

Hi everyone,
I've been pursuing acting in Los Angeles since 2020.
I wanted to share my thoughts regarding non-union work and content creation.
​
Non-Union Work: I made the conscious decision to stop self-submitting for non-union work two years ago. The reason for this is that I felt I was no longer growing artistically, financially or professionally from non-union projects. I acted in 10 non-union films during my first two years in Los Angeles and here are some of the frustrations I faced during that time:

1. The filmmakers never finished the movie after filming was completed.
2. The footage was completely unusable for my reel.
3. The completed films didn't garner me any exposure.
4. The relationships I created with these filmmakers didn't lead to anything because most of them left the industry soon after.
5. I was either unpaid or paid less than minimum wage for my work ($125 per day).
6. The writing was largely subpar.
7. I wasn't gaining anything from being on set that I wasn't already gaining from acting class.

Because of this, for the past two years I've only been self-submitting for SAG projects. My goal is to join SAG as soon as possible. This is quite contrarian to the usual "stay non-union or SAG-E for as long as possible because you don't want to forfeit the non-union work that can advance your skills and career." Sadly, that wasn't really my experience doing non-union work.
​
Content Creation: I have absolutely no desire to create my own content. I wish to become a professional actor. I respect directing, writing, producing and casting but have no desire to make that my job. Whenever I hear someone tell an aspiring actor to create their own content it's almost as if someone is saying "I want to become a doctor!" and someone tells them "a great way to become a doctor is to also become a lawyer, engineer and pharmacist!" They're all completely different skillsets that require their own training. Also, I feel that even if I were to recruit a director, writer, producer and casting director to help me create my own film or web series, it'd be extremely difficult to have it advance my career. In 2024 there is simply WAY TOO MUCH content out there for anything I have to offer to make any noise. This, again, is contrarian to what most people say which is to become a "jack of all trades."
​
What do you guys think? Do you agree with me or do you have a completely different opinion? I'd love to hear your thoughts.
Lastly, I hope this post doesn't come across as pessimistic, overly-negative or cynical. I'm actually extremely optimistic about my career and LOVE this industry. I simply wanted to express my thoughts to see if anyone out there thinks similarly to me.

I’m turning 30 in a few months. I’m making about 41k after tax in Los Angeles (aka not enough). Very little opportunities for career growth at the moment. The industry I’m in is crumbling. I’ve still never been able to travel out of the US - I was about to but plans fell apart (partially due to mistakes on my part, partly due to just total dumb luck). I subletted my room for this “big trip” to Japan, but now I’m just going from airbnb to airbnb in LA and staying in my friend’s filthy apartment. Everyone I know has been able to explore outside of the country and after travel plans getting completely screwed over twice in the past two years, I’m beginning to think it’s just never going to happen for me.
I self sabotaged a relationship with the best girl I’ve ever been with due to my depression and anxiety. She started gushing about some new guy online 10 days after we split. It’s been 9 months and they’re still happily together. I’m not over her at all and think about her every day.
I lost all my savings because I had to move 3 times in a row due to unforseen external factors. I had a second job but that fell through. My dad is dead. I’m five figures in debt. I’ve had panic attacks and depressive episodes. I’m in a very good intensive therapy program, and it’s been mostly helping, but my life still feels like a total mess. I feel like I’m failing in every direction.
I may very well be going into 30 broke, heartbroken, and floundering. People keep saying it’s temporary, but life has been kicking my ass for 2.5 years straight. When does it stop… or at least slow down?? I see no light at the end of the tunnel.
For those who were in a real low point how did you get out of it? I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m exhausted.