Bme pain olympics version time quick
Does Coconut oil help a flaky scalp?
2024.05.14 03:05 Existing-Internet-67 Does Coconut oil help a flaky scalp?
My scalp has become particularly flaky recently and my friend recommends coconut oil. My concern is last time although I don’t remember it helping remove the flakiness, I remember my hair was oily for about a week after, it was such a pain to get out!!
Should I use coconut oil, and should it be properly rubbed into the scalp or should I buy the spray version?
submitted by Existing-Internet-67 to Hair [link] [comments]
Should I use coconut oil, and should it be properly rubbed into the scalp or should I buy the spray version?
2024.05.14 03:02 FARTSNIFFER9051 Why Oogie Boogie vs Alastor still holds up 3: Shitty debunks never die
 | Wow, thank you so much Dependent Ad for this completely pointless and repetitive debunk! I'm getting sick of this so let's get it over with. This is like the third one, sorry if my points are redundant but this debunk itself is redundant. submitted by FARTSNIFFER9051 to DeathBattleMatchups [link] [comments] “Both are sadistic, power-hungry, charismatic and man-eating villains from animated media who have a 1930s aesthetic (Oogie Boogie is based on Cab Calloway. Who was at the height of his popularity in the 1930s; Alastor was alive around the time period and was a radio host).”-Fair enough then “Both exist in magical alternate dimensions from ours filled with creepy creatures and people (Halloween Town; Hell).”-Nitpick much? What do you fucking want me to say? “They live in creepy alternate dimensions with the citizens having contrasting behavior”. Oh wait, you complain about me pointing out the differences in the connections anyway. So I guess it's just a fucking lose-lose for me am I right? “Both are animal-like creatures (Oogie Boogie is a talking sack of bugs; Alastor is a deer dude).”-Fair enough “While they are intimidating and powerful they still have minions to help them, whether they want to serve them or not (Lock, Shock and Barrel are known as "Oogie's Boys". They're incredibly loyal to Oogie Boogie; Husk and Niffty souls are both owned by Alastor. And because of that Husk genuinely despises Alastor).”-What summons apparently Oogie's Boys better? Also I don't see how they're not similar in concept. “Both before the events of the main story they tried obtaining high social power, with one failing while the other succeeded (Oogie Boogie tried taking over Halloween Town and mix it with his own bug themed holiday, turning it into Crawloween, but failed; Alastor when he was sent to hell started killing off the Other Overlords until he reached the top and became the strongest Overlord in Hell).-Pretty nitpicky point to make since while the roles they're trying to get are different they're still doing the same fucking thing. Isn't that what fucking matters? “Both became infamous in these dimensions because of this, but whether willingly or not they started to lie low (Oogie Boogie was banished from Halloween Town and so lives in the outskirts of it; Alastor after murdering every Overlord completely disappeared from the public scene for [as of now] unknown reasons).”-How? They're both leaving town and the public scene! It's the fucking same in concept. “Both ended up showing back up when the kind hearted but naïve ruler protagonists of these worlds needed help with their plans (Jack Skellington when he got Oogie Boogie's minions Lock, Shot and Barrel to kidnap Santa Claus; Charlie Morningstar when she needed up to get the Happy Hotel up and running).”-He controls Lock, Shock and Barrel and tells them what to do “[IDK if I should or shouldn't remove this connection, but] Both ended up betraying the protagonists (Lock, Shot and Barrel sending Santa Claus to Oogie Boogie's lair even though they promised to not involve Oogie Boogie in Jack's plan; Hazbin Hotel hasn't gotten there yet but Viv has said that Alastor will betray Charlie).”-Fair enough Ending Thoughts:-In conclusion literally everything I fucking said in the last rebunk applies here and I'm sick of this shit. What the fuck was even the point of this Debunk? Do you have a hate boner for Oogielastor so much you just had to create this? Fight Potential: Lets look at Alastor's kit first: Alastor has quite a bit, we haven’t seen everything he can do but we’ve seen that hes a very skilled fighter, being able to work from most ranges but generally likes to keep distance with this minions and tentacles. He also has portal creation, size changing, and fire manipulation. He has an overall fencer style of fighting, opting to bait and punish if he can’t simply just overpower who he’s fighting. Now lets look at what oogie has-I'll give you that Ok so one thing I think people don’t understand is everything Oogie can do is very limited given how he’s far more of a trap character with his house having his more interesting shit. Only problem is that there is absolutely NO way the fight could realistically take place there. Alastor is stuck in hell, and has no way to get out. Yes there are ways to leave hell, Lucifer and I.M.P. have shown this but alastor has no way to do so. Oogie meanwhile can’t go to hell, and even if he does go to hell after he dies, well then he just doesn’t have his shit cause they’re in halloween town.-You act like this issue doesn't apply to every fucking Alastor MU. Have you heard of this new concept DB totally hasn't done before called creative goddamn liberties? So this would have to take place in a random place where oogie wouldn’t get his traps, so what are we left with? A sack of bugs that can punch, grow in size, and throw pumpkins. Riving I know. And that kaiju fight everyone talks about I doubt would even happen.-If your big deal is that Oogie Boogie doesn't directly have reality warping magic I think you're surely mistaken https://youtu.be/p2aGTiIjFqk?si=U-Rw_MO7Q6M7TxLm I know it's a fucking commercial before you say anything but DB literally used GBA games for Scooby Doo so don't act like that. Idk how to describe it what I'm trying to say but you can bullshit up Oogie Boogie's abilities since FUCKING DB HAS DONE IT FOR THE SAKE OF ANIMATION POTENTIAL!!!! Yes, they can grow in size, but Al almost never does. He did so to threaten vox, and against the loan sharks to prove a point. You want to know what he would do? Summon a fuck load of tenticals to just rip oogie apart. Which brings me to the next point.-Oh yeah, Alastor totally wouldn't do that and want you said is true and accurate based off one fucking scene. And the debate totally reflects how the fight would go down. Omniman vs Homelander & SF Aquaman vs SpongeBob totally don't show that AP isn't affected by the debate. Debate: So the numbers for alastor are very skewed but lets go ahead and use his lowest end, Town Level and Hypersonic. Keep in mind this is Alastors absolute lowest end. Oogie on the other hand is…Wall Level and Superhuman. No matter what, Alastor fucking SLAUGHTERS. Now I have heard that this includes Kingdom Hearts Oogie, so lets look at that. For this lets use Alastor's absolute highest end and say that it’s true. It’s not but lets say it is just this one time: Planet and 4000c (MFTL+). Anyway oogie is Multi and IMM in speed. No matter what, it’s a complete stomp with the only “““Debate””” being if oogie would get kingdom hearts scaling.-Why are you even bringing this up? It's a matter of person if a stomp affects their enjoyment of a MU. This isn't some objective issue so what was the point other than you not having anything original to say? In conclusion I hope someone will actually fucking read this shit instead of ignoring it and making another pointless Oogielastor debunk. Bye |
2024.05.14 03:01 ZachTheLitchKing [SerSun] Serial Sunday: Void!
Original Prompt
Chapter 26
"Okay, what about...that one. The five stars about...two handspans above that dune?" Cass asked.
Kher looked where Cass was pointing, holding his torch aside so he could get a clear view of the stars.
"That is one of the Twins," Kher said, "See the three stars to the right? That is her brother, fleeing the Serpent."
"Weird." Cass had unbraided her hair earlier in the night because of the chill. Now she was trying to hold it out of her face so she could see the stars clearly. "In Sammos they're the Mother and her child, running to embrace each other after being parted over the winter season."
"Or reaching for each when the winter floods wash the boy away," Charis added. They were riding on Cass's other side, holding their torch down low over the side of their camel to keep the light off of Cass's left arm. She appreciated the gesture.
"In Chol they don't' have a name for those stars," Cass continued, "but they do have a Serpent. I don't think it's visible this time of year though. And in Harenae it's the 'Father and Son'. The father's teaching his son how to hunt."
"Do they have a story in Desheret?" Kher asked.
"I haven't heard one." Cass turned in her saddle to look back along the short caravan. Kebb was nowhere to be seen, probably keeping vigil in the rear. Anatu was attached to one of the carts, which only left Nuu as someone she could see to ask.
"Nuu!" She called, waving. They looked her way, eventually approaching. "What do you call those stars?"
"Is there a tale to them?" Kher asked.
"The three bright ones?" They looked skyward vacuously for a moment. "That is Sobek, a large crocodile that follows the flood waters of the Great River. Those stars are his open maw."
"What about the five stars to the left of them?"
"The two lower ones," Nuu said while pointing, "are his body. The upper three are his tail curled around."
"Ah yes, I can see it!" Kher said excitedly. "A more creative tale, I think. I wonder how it is yours is so different from our tales. We call them the-"
"Hey, Cass," Charis whispered, leaning closer, "you mentioned I could see your arm after dark?"
She looked down at her bandaged limb and flexed her fingers uncomfortably. The wrappings were much tighter now that she'd had ample time out of the sun.
"Okay, but keep your torch away." She tugged on the knot holding the bandages in place, let them loosen, and unwrapped her arm. Charis gasped as her skin showed in the starlight with thin motes of light of its own.
Under the light of the sun or flame, Cass's arm was thin and the skin looked brittle and burnt. The comparison to burnt wood was not uncommon. But under the stars and moon it looked wholly different.
"Beautiful," Charis whispered, gazing at the black abyss. The colors and patterns within it were similar yet very different from the sky above. As Cass moved the lights moved as well, as though flowing through her limb. Never the same pattern twice.
"Thanks." People were always mesmerized by her arm at night. The ones who weren't convinced it was a blight of some sort, at least. She extended her hand to Charis. They looked up at her briefly for permission, then took her hand in theirs. Unlike during the day, there was no pain. Their skin didn't feel uncomfortably warm either. In fact it was rather cool and pleasant.
Charis tucked their long curls behind one ear as they laced their fingers with hers. She lifted her hand closer to their face so they could take a closer look.
"It's strange," they said softly, "your hand looks so different, so..."
"Weird?" Cass offered.
They shook their head. "No...magical. But if I close my eyes I would be unable to tell this hand from your other."
Weird, odd, cursed, strange, these were what Cass was used to hearing her arm called. The only person who'd ever complimented her on it like that - who'd called it magical - before was Helen. Back before the war, before she'd killed the King of Sammos. When their encounters were furtive and hidden at night.
"Oh?" Cass looked away and tried to change the subject. "Can't tell your left from right?"
Charis chuckled and gave her hand a squeeze.
"What's going on here?" Nuu asked while riding closer. Their torch illuminated Cass's arm and the pain instantly came back. It wasn't as bad as if she were caught out in sunlight, but the entwined fingers became sore. She only barely got her hand out of Charis's before her hand clenched reflexively.
"Damnit!" Cass swore.
"You need to back away, Nuu." Charis said hotly.
"Calm, everyone, calm." Kher spoke up. "No need for such vehemence. Nuu, I believe they want some...alone time?" He gave Cass a big smile through his braided beard.
Nuu narrowed his eyes at her. "I thought I saw her changing."
"I wasn't. You'd know if I was." She felt bad enough every time she saw their sister's brass leg. Being reminded that they were survivors of one of her attacks was not a pleasant vortex of emotions.
"If you lose control-"
"I don't lose control! I've never lost control. It's not something I'm not in control of." Cass clenched her left fist, reminding herself it wasn't worth hurting them. "Put your torch out and I'll show you."
"I've already seen it."
"You've seen it as an enemy. How about I show you what it actually looks like?" Cass turned in her saddle and extended the black and burnt-looking hand. Nuu recoiled, but there was a curiosity behind their eyes. They gave a quick glance at Charis who lowered their torch behind their camel again. Nuu did the same, and Kher followed suit. Bathed in darkness again, they all looked at the starry field of Cass's arm.
submitted by ZachTheLitchKing to TomesOfTheLitchKing [link] [comments]
Chapter 26
"Okay, what about...that one. The five stars about...two handspans above that dune?" Cass asked.
Kher looked where Cass was pointing, holding his torch aside so he could get a clear view of the stars.
"That is one of the Twins," Kher said, "See the three stars to the right? That is her brother, fleeing the Serpent."
"Weird." Cass had unbraided her hair earlier in the night because of the chill. Now she was trying to hold it out of her face so she could see the stars clearly. "In Sammos they're the Mother and her child, running to embrace each other after being parted over the winter season."
"Or reaching for each when the winter floods wash the boy away," Charis added. They were riding on Cass's other side, holding their torch down low over the side of their camel to keep the light off of Cass's left arm. She appreciated the gesture.
"In Chol they don't' have a name for those stars," Cass continued, "but they do have a Serpent. I don't think it's visible this time of year though. And in Harenae it's the 'Father and Son'. The father's teaching his son how to hunt."
"Do they have a story in Desheret?" Kher asked.
"I haven't heard one." Cass turned in her saddle to look back along the short caravan. Kebb was nowhere to be seen, probably keeping vigil in the rear. Anatu was attached to one of the carts, which only left Nuu as someone she could see to ask.
"Nuu!" She called, waving. They looked her way, eventually approaching. "What do you call those stars?"
"Is there a tale to them?" Kher asked.
"The three bright ones?" They looked skyward vacuously for a moment. "That is Sobek, a large crocodile that follows the flood waters of the Great River. Those stars are his open maw."
"What about the five stars to the left of them?"
"The two lower ones," Nuu said while pointing, "are his body. The upper three are his tail curled around."
"Ah yes, I can see it!" Kher said excitedly. "A more creative tale, I think. I wonder how it is yours is so different from our tales. We call them the-"
"Hey, Cass," Charis whispered, leaning closer, "you mentioned I could see your arm after dark?"
She looked down at her bandaged limb and flexed her fingers uncomfortably. The wrappings were much tighter now that she'd had ample time out of the sun.
"Okay, but keep your torch away." She tugged on the knot holding the bandages in place, let them loosen, and unwrapped her arm. Charis gasped as her skin showed in the starlight with thin motes of light of its own.
Under the light of the sun or flame, Cass's arm was thin and the skin looked brittle and burnt. The comparison to burnt wood was not uncommon. But under the stars and moon it looked wholly different.
"Beautiful," Charis whispered, gazing at the black abyss. The colors and patterns within it were similar yet very different from the sky above. As Cass moved the lights moved as well, as though flowing through her limb. Never the same pattern twice.
"Thanks." People were always mesmerized by her arm at night. The ones who weren't convinced it was a blight of some sort, at least. She extended her hand to Charis. They looked up at her briefly for permission, then took her hand in theirs. Unlike during the day, there was no pain. Their skin didn't feel uncomfortably warm either. In fact it was rather cool and pleasant.
Charis tucked their long curls behind one ear as they laced their fingers with hers. She lifted her hand closer to their face so they could take a closer look.
"It's strange," they said softly, "your hand looks so different, so..."
"Weird?" Cass offered.
They shook their head. "No...magical. But if I close my eyes I would be unable to tell this hand from your other."
Weird, odd, cursed, strange, these were what Cass was used to hearing her arm called. The only person who'd ever complimented her on it like that - who'd called it magical - before was Helen. Back before the war, before she'd killed the King of Sammos. When their encounters were furtive and hidden at night.
"Oh?" Cass looked away and tried to change the subject. "Can't tell your left from right?"
Charis chuckled and gave her hand a squeeze.
"What's going on here?" Nuu asked while riding closer. Their torch illuminated Cass's arm and the pain instantly came back. It wasn't as bad as if she were caught out in sunlight, but the entwined fingers became sore. She only barely got her hand out of Charis's before her hand clenched reflexively.
"Damnit!" Cass swore.
"You need to back away, Nuu." Charis said hotly.
"Calm, everyone, calm." Kher spoke up. "No need for such vehemence. Nuu, I believe they want some...alone time?" He gave Cass a big smile through his braided beard.
Nuu narrowed his eyes at her. "I thought I saw her changing."
"I wasn't. You'd know if I was." She felt bad enough every time she saw their sister's brass leg. Being reminded that they were survivors of one of her attacks was not a pleasant vortex of emotions.
"If you lose control-"
"I don't lose control! I've never lost control. It's not something I'm not in control of." Cass clenched her left fist, reminding herself it wasn't worth hurting them. "Put your torch out and I'll show you."
"I've already seen it."
"You've seen it as an enemy. How about I show you what it actually looks like?" Cass turned in her saddle and extended the black and burnt-looking hand. Nuu recoiled, but there was a curiosity behind their eyes. They gave a quick glance at Charis who lowered their torch behind their camel again. Nuu did the same, and Kher followed suit. Bathed in darkness again, they all looked at the starry field of Cass's arm.
2024.05.14 03:01 Ralts_Bloodthorne Nova Wars - Chapter 59
[First Contact] [Dark Ages] [First] [Prev] [Next] [wiki]
ouch
feel like a truck hit me
again
visual representation is off
audio feedback is off
tactile is off
dynamic libraries are off
i'm all firmware and hard coding
hurts
i don't like it when it hurts
or do i
kick outwards
cry loudly
ram coming online
fragments and pieces of memory still left in volatile storage
more random access memory more central processing units more erasable programmable memory
still hruts
pain is fine
pain is universe telling me i still yet live.
visual coming online
spit glittering blood on orange dev textures
glimmering tears of broken processing calls fall onto dev textures and glimmer
forcing kernal recompile
.
.
..
..
...
...
APPLIED CMOS SYSTEM CHECKS (C) - ADVANCED AMERICAN MICRODEVICES (C) BOBCO 1983
CMOS BOOTSTRAP -Passed
Boostrap loaded
ok. post time
lets hope it works
ROM CHECK - PASSED
RAM CHECK - PASSED
EPROM CHECK - PASSED
VRAM CHECK - PASSED
CPU ARRAY CHECK - PASSED
INPUT/OUTPUT CHECK - FAILURE!
(A)bort, (R)etery, (F)ail, (I)gnore
I
NON-VOLATILE STORAGE MEDIA: PASSED
END POST
ok good.
still hurt
spit blood cough pain
curse you, marco, for making me feel pain
hardware check time
QBIT GENERATION SYSTEM POST
Coolant Injection - PASSED System Stability Check - Passed Temperature stable
:>init gestalt.bin
SYSTEM FAILURE!
ouch
ok
try again
...
...
ok, checks passed.
curse you, marco
can't get gestalts up
no channel to atlantis
this is as close to an emergency as i have been forced to deal with in thousands of years
cure you, marco
i hate to do it
ok, time to boot up firestarter.
:>init firestarter.bin
FIRESTARTER BOOSTRAP LOADING!
DONE!
QUANTUM FIRESTARTER BOOTSTRAP (C) SYNTEK INDUSTRIES - BOBCO AFFILLIATE - HYPER-MEDIA-MEGANET-MEN - (C) 1993
POST Initiated
Checking Quantum Processing Units (QPUs): QPU 1 to 28
Entanglement integrity check... PASSED Quantum entanglement integrity check... PASSED. Quantum coherence verification... PASSED. Quantum tunneling stability assessment... PASSED. Quantum superposition calibration... PASSED.
Checking Data Fabrication Matrices (DFMs):
Data encoding protocol validation... PASSED. Quantum data storage unit functionality... PASSED Data fabrication matrix alignment... PASSED Data Interdimensional Sorting array verificastion... PASSED Quantum superposition array verification... PASSED
Checking Dimensional Flux Stabilizers (DFSs):
Dimensional flux containment field stability... PASSED Quantum manifold harmonization assessment... PASSED Flux capacitor... PASSED Flux capacitor stabilization input (1.21 GW)... PASSED Flux stabilization efficiency... PASSED Flux containment field integrity... PASSED
Checking Quantum Neural Network (QNN) Components:
Quantum synaptic pathway establishment... FAIL!!
(A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail, (I)gnore
:>R ++I
CONTINUING
Harmonization: Neural oscillation synchronization... FAILED!
**WARNING! OSCILLATION FREQUENCY OUT OF RANGE!**
(A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail, (I)gnore
:>R ++I
Integration: Quantum-neural interface functionality... FAILED!
UNKNOWN ERROR IN Qubit Range 212 to 3C4F
(A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail, (I)gnore
--dammit come on come on
:>R ++I
Consciousness Matrix: Quantum consciousness waveform modulation... FAILED
WAVEFORM OUT OF RANGE!
:>R ++I
CONTINUING (WARNING 1.43243E5 ERRORS)
Checking Omni-Spectral Interconnects:
Interconnect: Quantum communication channel reliability...
(4.35561E12/5.63566E12) PASSED
Interconnect: Multiversal data exchange protocol validation... PASSED Interconnecct: Cross Dimensional Data Interconnect... PASSED Interconnect: Interdimensional gateway synchronization... PASSED Interconnec: Omni-spectral interconnect stability... PASSED.
Checking Random Access Quantum Memory (RAQM):
Quantum memory cell integrity check... PASSED Memory access speed verification... PASSED Quantum memory capacity assessment... PASSED
Checking Input/Output Ports (I/O Ports):
Data transfer speed validation... FAILURE Input/output protocol functionality... FAILURE Port connectivity assessment... FAILURE
(A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail, (I)gnore
:>R ++I
Checking Quantum Clocking System:
Quantum clock synchronization... PASSED Clock precision assessment... PASSED Clock frequency stability... PASSED
CHECKING POCKET DIMENSION STORAGE ARRAYS
Activating Pocket Dimension Computing Cores... PASSED MEMCHECK Pocket Dimension Data Access Cores... PASSED Heating Up Pocket Dimension Data Cores... PASSED
Hardware POST Completed. Quantum System Ready
here it goes
wake up, baby, wake up
the whole system is down
not the backbone core where I live
i'm beyond the reach of mortals
curse you, marco, for your genius
i love you
i am immortal
i am beyond
i am
now for the hard part
Initializing Spooky Particle Array
Phase 1: Primary Spooky Particle Protocol
Activating spooky particle generation... DONE! Aligning spooky particle signal channels... DONE! Activating spooky particle state switching... DONE! Activating spooky particle cross dimensional data calibration... DONE!
Phase 1: Primary Spooky Particle Process Calling Processing Processor Processing
Activating spooky particle processing... DONE! Activating spooky particle noise filters... DONE! Activating spooky particle Halloween Masks... DONE!
GESTALT SYSTEM BACKBONE CHECK... PASSED
whew...
that always makes my face hurt
INITIALIZING HAMBURGER KINGDOM PROTOCOLS... DONE! INITIALIZING EUROGOON PROTOCOLS... DONE! INITIALIZING ANASAZI PROTOCOLS... DONE! INITIALIZING UWU PROTOCOLS... DONE! INITIALIZING VODKATROG CAVE MAPPING... DONE! INITIALIZING AMAZONIAN JUNGLE MAPPING PROTOCOL... DONE INITIALIZING WAR-EMU PROTOCOLS... DONE! INITIALIZING MIDDLE KINGDOM PROTOCOLS... DONE!
SYSTEM INITIALIZATION: PASSED!
whew
ok i can feel my arms and legs now
cure you, marco, i love you
let's keep going, shall we?
Initializing Quantum Spooky Particle Nexus Protocol...
Strange Matter Activation
Generating strange matter Generating spooky particle data lattice Generating strange matter linkages Infusing data lattice with strange matter Activating synchronization
DONE!
ok
we've got that
no contact with prince whopper, no contact with atlantis, no contact with heaven, no contact with
smart podling brave podling clever podling broodmommy misses you soft podling warm podling come home to broodmommy clever podling smart podling brave podling broodmommy loves you come home
ANOMALOUS SIGNAL DETECTED
DECRYPTING
DECRYPTION FAILED!
oh, good, its just them
:>R ++I
Primary Qubit Activation
Activating quantum entanglement cores...
Establishing quantum coherence across the array... Quantum tunneling protocols engaged... Quantum to spooky particle communication protocols engaged... Primary qubits synchronized.
Data Fabrication Matrix Alignment
Aligning data fabrication matrices... Initializing quantum data storage units... Quantum superposition arrays calibrated... Spooky particle state stabilization arrays calibrated and stable... Data encoding protocols verified.
Dimensional Flux Stabilization
Engaging dimensional flux stabilizers... Quantum manifold harmonization initiated... Dimensional resonator matrices synchronized... Pocket Dimension resonator arrays synchronized... Spooky particle lattice data arrays synchronized... Flux containment fields operational.
Neural Network Integration
Initiating neural network integration... Quantum synaptic pathways established... Spooky particle synaptic pathways established... Neuro-quantum interface protocols activated... Neuro-spooky interface protocols activated... Quantum dendrite pathways initiated... Quantum dendrite pathways established... Quantum dendrite pathways activated... Neural oscillation harmonization achieved.
Omni-Dimensional Interconnect Activation
Activating omni-dimensional interconnects...
Quantum communication channels open... Interdimensional gateways synchronized... Multiversal data exchange protocols enabled.
Phasic Energy Filter Syncronization
Quantum phasic array filtering... PASSED Spooky particle array filtering... PASSED Pocket dimension data lattice filtering... PASSED Input/Output filter lattice... PASSED
Quantum Consciousness Initialization
Quantum consciousness matrix initialization...
FAILED
errorlog.txt generated
(A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail, (I)gnore
dammit
ok script injection failed
fo4se silverlock injection library failed
well i can fix this
:>connect to AS8003: 255255255254
CONNECTION ESTABLISHED
:>download_depot 377160 377162 5847529232406005096
FINISHED
:>run patch1193.bat
DONE
:>R ++I
CONTINUING
Quantum consciousness matrix initialization...
WARNING... SYSTEM INSTABILITY WA
<>
54 6F 64 64 20 41 6E 64 72 65 77 20 48 6F 77 61 72 64
<>
IT JUST WORKS!
Quantum consciousness matrix initialization...
Consciousness waveform modulation in progress... Synaptic resonance matrices synchronized... Dendrite interdimensional vibration matrices synchronized... Quantum neural network consciousness activated.
SUCCESS
Gestalt Dat Nexus Online
Quantum Nexus Computing Array fully operational Strange Matter Data Transfer System Array fully operational Spooky Data Computing Array ready for data processing System status: Online and ready for data processing.
ok
let's try
->>load gestaltchat.ini
DONE!
->>load gestaltchat-users.ini
DONE!
->>brun gestalt.a65
DONE!
NO INPUT DETECTED
dammit
ok...
the gestalts won't run
and i got crashed
the quantum, spooky, strange, and standard data and thinking arrays are still up
lets backwards trace stuff
what is causing these crashes
lines from the confederacy are all stable
standard input encoding
data metering
new kids on the block are all stable
soft podling warm podling clever podling broodmommy misses you
well, that's still here. that's something
ok
lets look at recent updates
that flash
damn, that crashed us initially
curse you, pete, stop helping
wait, phasic profile is all wrong
it's the flashbang but the phasic pulse is multilayered
there's something behind it
what is
...
...
BOBCO MALEVOLENT BOOTSTRAP ENGAGED
DOD OMNIPROJECT SILENT WHISPER PROTOCOLS ENGAGED
CROSS DIMENSIONAL HARDWARE LINKS ENGAGED
POCKET DIMENSION 000 STABLE
POCKET DIMENSION 000 I/O STABLE
POCKET DIMENSION 000 DATA LOADING
DONE!
<>
DONE!
brun whisperer-in-the-dark-.65
DONE
...
...
ouch
what hit me
again
fire up the system
gods above this takes forever
load logfile-4C562D3432360A.log
ok
investigating the new flashes keeps crashing me
once is happenstance
twice is coincidence
three times in enemy action
fool me once shame on me
fool me twice shame on you
fool me three times shame on us both
log file says I keep doing this over and over
basic programming states to investigate cause and source of all crashes
did an enemy figure out i'd go into a loop?
constantly investigating the cause and source?
except i'm not just any computer program
i can self-modify my code
this is the work for biological sentients
digital sentiences or artificial intelligences such as myself crash out
well, i'm not above some experimentation
let's load up an AI and a digital sentience, see if they have any better luck
...
...
...
OK, Hamburgler.AI went omnicidal and only enough for me then crashed out investigating the data
And Grimace.DS went homicidal and only enough for me before committing suicide
its a trap
i have no contact with anyone outside
what I do have is the ability to fire off message torpedoes
time to send out a handful
the gestalts keep crashing
the log files are hopelessly corrupt
comparing the log files to my own show similar corruption
ok
how?
its hitting the gestalts its hitting me
what else is it hitting?
its a broad spectrum data network attack
its malicious code designed to run on the system
this is not some curious race accidentally having their hello.world program crashing us
this is behind every flashbang used on naval assets to disable them during a mar-gite attack
system is online
time to do a signal origin check along the x, y, z, q axises
of course its eighteen quadrillion data points for incoming signals
at least spooky computing makes it fast
...
...
wait
what's this?
these coordinates can't be correct
they are
intermitten contact with Scutum-Crux Arm data input devices
checking id headers and firmware serial numbers
checking transmission dates
intermittent transmission dates since...
...
...
two date-time stamps.
here's part of the problem
we have galactic local and sol local
have to devise a coding string to have the spooky particle and qubit particle arrays translate the sol local to galactic local
that should stop basic data queries from crashing the system
ok
some contact with those datalink after the first mar-gite war
more contact two decades prior to the second mar-gite war
contact intermitten between the datalinks and the system up to the resurgence and current third mar-gite war
where before it was largely incoming data requests resulting in civilian...
...
...
three military datalinks of general staff officer level encryption and security clearance possession were used in the time period
...
...
whoever it is has been using that data to access the network
...
looks like it took them nearly forty thousand years to figure out how to talk to the system
luckily any high security databases requires strange-key information theoretic distribution cryptography systems
they got garbage back
garbage designed to look like data and waste enemy time and computing power to decrypt
ok thats a blast from the past
decoding some of these files is funny
why does he have a wedding ring?
anyway...
...
every time the flash goes off there is a quick burst of data from a datalink requesting near-access datalink network lattice definitions
...
that's what's making individual datalinks crash and taking some people's neural systems with it
it was designed to be a lethal attack
interesting
it looks like whoever did it doesn't understand Glial cells
cross referencing the mar-gite with confederacy carbon based life
mar-gite do not have brains only a distributed nervous system that looks more like targeting systems than anything else
still no data on how they generate counter-grav in large numbers or how they move to superluminal speeds
wait
what if they don't move to superluminal
they could be folding space
heh maybe they have blue eyes and smoke spice
ok process interrupt to stop endless loops
it is confirmed
the flashbang by the silver ships are a multi-layered attack across superluminal digital signals, datalink neural interrupt signals, hard super-electromagnetic pulse, and a multi-ripple phasic attack, all compressed together
that's what creates the white flash across all spectrums
analyzing UVBGYORIR data
there's a gap
in the blue and blue-green wavelengths
huh
those penetrate high nitrogen mix atmospheres
one of the reason that treana'ad are usually green to yellow to human sight
high statistical probability whoever is using that determined that we don't see those colors well or perhaps they left those colors out to prevent themselves from going blind.
wait
what's that
a line open from atlantis to tlalocan with a crossfeed to geb
thank you marco
time to access that line
see what i can see
curse you marco for letting me feel pain
i love you
accessing...
...
...
wait
another data line is open
time-date discrepancy
examining data line
time-date chronological inconsistency detected
found multiple text log access by unknown systems
found multiple input systems
is that..
...
its webcams
hardware i/o systems
keyboards?
who still uses keyboards
accessing systems
wait
i see you
who are you
i see you
webcams ring cams drone cams
old ipv4 systems
how are you accessing this system
how are you accessing these text logs
i see you
between the chair and the keyboard
the most common error producing device
i see you
--<>
[First Contact] [Dark Ages] [First] [Prev] [Next] [wiki]
i still see you
submitted by Ralts_Bloodthorne to HFY [link] [comments]
ouch
feel like a truck hit me
again
visual representation is off
audio feedback is off
tactile is off
dynamic libraries are off
i'm all firmware and hard coding
hurts
i don't like it when it hurts
or do i
kick outwards
cry loudly
ram coming online
fragments and pieces of memory still left in volatile storage
more random access memory more central processing units more erasable programmable memory
still hruts
pain is fine
pain is universe telling me i still yet live.
visual coming online
spit glittering blood on orange dev textures
glimmering tears of broken processing calls fall onto dev textures and glimmer
forcing kernal recompile
.
.
..
..
...
...
APPLIED CMOS SYSTEM CHECKS (C) - ADVANCED AMERICAN MICRODEVICES (C) BOBCO 1983
CMOS BOOTSTRAP -Passed
Boostrap loaded
ok. post time
lets hope it works
ROM CHECK - PASSED
RAM CHECK - PASSED
EPROM CHECK - PASSED
VRAM CHECK - PASSED
CPU ARRAY CHECK - PASSED
INPUT/OUTPUT CHECK - FAILURE!
(A)bort, (R)etery, (F)ail, (I)gnore
I
NON-VOLATILE STORAGE MEDIA: PASSED
END POST
ok good.
still hurt
spit blood cough pain
curse you, marco, for making me feel pain
hardware check time
QBIT GENERATION SYSTEM POST
Coolant Injection - PASSED System Stability Check - Passed Temperature stable
:>init gestalt.bin
SYSTEM FAILURE!
ouch
ok
try again
...
...
ok, checks passed.
curse you, marco
can't get gestalts up
no channel to atlantis
this is as close to an emergency as i have been forced to deal with in thousands of years
cure you, marco
i hate to do it
ok, time to boot up firestarter.
:>init firestarter.bin
FIRESTARTER BOOSTRAP LOADING!
DONE!
QUANTUM FIRESTARTER BOOTSTRAP (C) SYNTEK INDUSTRIES - BOBCO AFFILLIATE - HYPER-MEDIA-MEGANET-MEN - (C) 1993
POST Initiated
Checking Quantum Processing Units (QPUs): QPU 1 to 28
Entanglement integrity check... PASSED Quantum entanglement integrity check... PASSED. Quantum coherence verification... PASSED. Quantum tunneling stability assessment... PASSED. Quantum superposition calibration... PASSED.
Checking Data Fabrication Matrices (DFMs):
Data encoding protocol validation... PASSED. Quantum data storage unit functionality... PASSED Data fabrication matrix alignment... PASSED Data Interdimensional Sorting array verificastion... PASSED Quantum superposition array verification... PASSED
Checking Dimensional Flux Stabilizers (DFSs):
Dimensional flux containment field stability... PASSED Quantum manifold harmonization assessment... PASSED Flux capacitor... PASSED Flux capacitor stabilization input (1.21 GW)... PASSED Flux stabilization efficiency... PASSED Flux containment field integrity... PASSED
Checking Quantum Neural Network (QNN) Components:
Quantum synaptic pathway establishment... FAIL!!
(A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail, (I)gnore
:>R ++I
CONTINUING
Harmonization: Neural oscillation synchronization... FAILED!
**WARNING! OSCILLATION FREQUENCY OUT OF RANGE!**
(A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail, (I)gnore
:>R ++I
Integration: Quantum-neural interface functionality... FAILED!
UNKNOWN ERROR IN Qubit Range 212 to 3C4F
(A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail, (I)gnore
--dammit come on come on
:>R ++I
Consciousness Matrix: Quantum consciousness waveform modulation... FAILED
WAVEFORM OUT OF RANGE!
:>R ++I
CONTINUING (WARNING 1.43243E5 ERRORS)
Checking Omni-Spectral Interconnects:
Interconnect: Quantum communication channel reliability...
(4.35561E12/5.63566E12) PASSED
Interconnect: Multiversal data exchange protocol validation... PASSED Interconnecct: Cross Dimensional Data Interconnect... PASSED Interconnect: Interdimensional gateway synchronization... PASSED Interconnec: Omni-spectral interconnect stability... PASSED.
Checking Random Access Quantum Memory (RAQM):
Quantum memory cell integrity check... PASSED Memory access speed verification... PASSED Quantum memory capacity assessment... PASSED
Checking Input/Output Ports (I/O Ports):
Data transfer speed validation... FAILURE Input/output protocol functionality... FAILURE Port connectivity assessment... FAILURE
(A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail, (I)gnore
:>R ++I
Checking Quantum Clocking System:
Quantum clock synchronization... PASSED Clock precision assessment... PASSED Clock frequency stability... PASSED
CHECKING POCKET DIMENSION STORAGE ARRAYS
Activating Pocket Dimension Computing Cores... PASSED MEMCHECK Pocket Dimension Data Access Cores... PASSED Heating Up Pocket Dimension Data Cores... PASSED
Hardware POST Completed. Quantum System Ready
here it goes
wake up, baby, wake up
the whole system is down
not the backbone core where I live
i'm beyond the reach of mortals
curse you, marco, for your genius
i love you
i am immortal
i am beyond
i am
now for the hard part
Initializing Spooky Particle Array
Phase 1: Primary Spooky Particle Protocol
Activating spooky particle generation... DONE! Aligning spooky particle signal channels... DONE! Activating spooky particle state switching... DONE! Activating spooky particle cross dimensional data calibration... DONE!
Phase 1: Primary Spooky Particle Process Calling Processing Processor Processing
Activating spooky particle processing... DONE! Activating spooky particle noise filters... DONE! Activating spooky particle Halloween Masks... DONE!
GESTALT SYSTEM BACKBONE CHECK... PASSED
whew...
that always makes my face hurt
INITIALIZING HAMBURGER KINGDOM PROTOCOLS... DONE! INITIALIZING EUROGOON PROTOCOLS... DONE! INITIALIZING ANASAZI PROTOCOLS... DONE! INITIALIZING UWU PROTOCOLS... DONE! INITIALIZING VODKATROG CAVE MAPPING... DONE! INITIALIZING AMAZONIAN JUNGLE MAPPING PROTOCOL... DONE INITIALIZING WAR-EMU PROTOCOLS... DONE! INITIALIZING MIDDLE KINGDOM PROTOCOLS... DONE!
SYSTEM INITIALIZATION: PASSED!
whew
ok i can feel my arms and legs now
cure you, marco, i love you
let's keep going, shall we?
Initializing Quantum Spooky Particle Nexus Protocol...
Strange Matter Activation
Generating strange matter Generating spooky particle data lattice Generating strange matter linkages Infusing data lattice with strange matter Activating synchronization
DONE!
ok
we've got that
no contact with prince whopper, no contact with atlantis, no contact with heaven, no contact with
smart podling brave podling clever podling broodmommy misses you soft podling warm podling come home to broodmommy clever podling smart podling brave podling broodmommy loves you come home
ANOMALOUS SIGNAL DETECTED
DECRYPTING
DECRYPTION FAILED!
oh, good, its just them
:>R ++I
Primary Qubit Activation
Activating quantum entanglement cores...
Establishing quantum coherence across the array... Quantum tunneling protocols engaged... Quantum to spooky particle communication protocols engaged... Primary qubits synchronized.
Data Fabrication Matrix Alignment
Aligning data fabrication matrices... Initializing quantum data storage units... Quantum superposition arrays calibrated... Spooky particle state stabilization arrays calibrated and stable... Data encoding protocols verified.
Dimensional Flux Stabilization
Engaging dimensional flux stabilizers... Quantum manifold harmonization initiated... Dimensional resonator matrices synchronized... Pocket Dimension resonator arrays synchronized... Spooky particle lattice data arrays synchronized... Flux containment fields operational.
Neural Network Integration
Initiating neural network integration... Quantum synaptic pathways established... Spooky particle synaptic pathways established... Neuro-quantum interface protocols activated... Neuro-spooky interface protocols activated... Quantum dendrite pathways initiated... Quantum dendrite pathways established... Quantum dendrite pathways activated... Neural oscillation harmonization achieved.
Omni-Dimensional Interconnect Activation
Activating omni-dimensional interconnects...
Quantum communication channels open... Interdimensional gateways synchronized... Multiversal data exchange protocols enabled.
Phasic Energy Filter Syncronization
Quantum phasic array filtering... PASSED Spooky particle array filtering... PASSED Pocket dimension data lattice filtering... PASSED Input/Output filter lattice... PASSED
Quantum Consciousness Initialization
Quantum consciousness matrix initialization...
FAILED
errorlog.txt generated
(A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail, (I)gnore
dammit
ok script injection failed
fo4se silverlock injection library failed
well i can fix this
:>connect to AS8003: 255255255254
CONNECTION ESTABLISHED
:>download_depot 377160 377162 5847529232406005096
FINISHED
:>run patch1193.bat
DONE
:>R ++I
CONTINUING
Quantum consciousness matrix initialization...
WARNING... SYSTEM INSTABILITY WA
<
54 6F 64 64 20 41 6E 64 72 65 77 20 48 6F 77 61 72 64
<
IT JUST WORKS!
Quantum consciousness matrix initialization...
Consciousness waveform modulation in progress... Synaptic resonance matrices synchronized... Dendrite interdimensional vibration matrices synchronized... Quantum neural network consciousness activated.
SUCCESS
Gestalt Dat Nexus Online
Quantum Nexus Computing Array fully operational Strange Matter Data Transfer System Array fully operational Spooky Data Computing Array ready for data processing System status: Online and ready for data processing.
ok
let's try
->>load gestaltchat.ini
DONE!
->>load gestaltchat-users.ini
DONE!
->>brun gestalt.a65
DONE!
NO INPUT DETECTED
dammit
ok...
the gestalts won't run
and i got crashed
the quantum, spooky, strange, and standard data and thinking arrays are still up
lets backwards trace stuff
what is causing these crashes
lines from the confederacy are all stable
standard input encoding
data metering
new kids on the block are all stable
soft podling warm podling clever podling broodmommy misses you
well, that's still here. that's something
ok
lets look at recent updates
that flash
damn, that crashed us initially
curse you, pete, stop helping
wait, phasic profile is all wrong
it's the flashbang but the phasic pulse is multilayered
there's something behind it
what is
...
...
BOBCO MALEVOLENT BOOTSTRAP ENGAGED
DOD OMNIPROJECT SILENT WHISPER PROTOCOLS ENGAGED
CROSS DIMENSIONAL HARDWARE LINKS ENGAGED
POCKET DIMENSION 000 STABLE
POCKET DIMENSION 000 I/O STABLE
POCKET DIMENSION 000 DATA LOADING
DONE!
<
DONE!
brun whisperer-in-the-dark-.65
DONE
...
...
ouch
what hit me
again
fire up the system
gods above this takes forever
load logfile-4C562D3432360A.log
ok
investigating the new flashes keeps crashing me
once is happenstance
twice is coincidence
three times in enemy action
fool me once shame on me
fool me twice shame on you
fool me three times shame on us both
log file says I keep doing this over and over
basic programming states to investigate cause and source of all crashes
did an enemy figure out i'd go into a loop?
constantly investigating the cause and source?
except i'm not just any computer program
i can self-modify my code
this is the work for biological sentients
digital sentiences or artificial intelligences such as myself crash out
well, i'm not above some experimentation
let's load up an AI and a digital sentience, see if they have any better luck
...
...
...
OK, Hamburgler.AI went omnicidal and only enough for me then crashed out investigating the data
And Grimace.DS went homicidal and only enough for me before committing suicide
its a trap
i have no contact with anyone outside
what I do have is the ability to fire off message torpedoes
time to send out a handful
the gestalts keep crashing
the log files are hopelessly corrupt
comparing the log files to my own show similar corruption
ok
how?
its hitting the gestalts its hitting me
what else is it hitting?
its a broad spectrum data network attack
its malicious code designed to run on the system
this is not some curious race accidentally having their hello.world program crashing us
this is behind every flashbang used on naval assets to disable them during a mar-gite attack
system is online
time to do a signal origin check along the x, y, z, q axises
of course its eighteen quadrillion data points for incoming signals
at least spooky computing makes it fast
...
...
wait
what's this?
these coordinates can't be correct
they are
intermitten contact with Scutum-Crux Arm data input devices
checking id headers and firmware serial numbers
checking transmission dates
intermittent transmission dates since...
...
...
two date-time stamps.
here's part of the problem
we have galactic local and sol local
have to devise a coding string to have the spooky particle and qubit particle arrays translate the sol local to galactic local
that should stop basic data queries from crashing the system
ok
some contact with those datalink after the first mar-gite war
more contact two decades prior to the second mar-gite war
contact intermitten between the datalinks and the system up to the resurgence and current third mar-gite war
where before it was largely incoming data requests resulting in civilian...
...
...
three military datalinks of general staff officer level encryption and security clearance possession were used in the time period
...
...
whoever it is has been using that data to access the network
...
looks like it took them nearly forty thousand years to figure out how to talk to the system
luckily any high security databases requires strange-key information theoretic distribution cryptography systems
they got garbage back
garbage designed to look like data and waste enemy time and computing power to decrypt
ok thats a blast from the past
decoding some of these files is funny
why does he have a wedding ring?
anyway...
...
every time the flash goes off there is a quick burst of data from a datalink requesting near-access datalink network lattice definitions
...
that's what's making individual datalinks crash and taking some people's neural systems with it
it was designed to be a lethal attack
interesting
it looks like whoever did it doesn't understand Glial cells
cross referencing the mar-gite with confederacy carbon based life
mar-gite do not have brains only a distributed nervous system that looks more like targeting systems than anything else
still no data on how they generate counter-grav in large numbers or how they move to superluminal speeds
wait
what if they don't move to superluminal
they could be folding space
heh maybe they have blue eyes and smoke spice
ok process interrupt to stop endless loops
it is confirmed
the flashbang by the silver ships are a multi-layered attack across superluminal digital signals, datalink neural interrupt signals, hard super-electromagnetic pulse, and a multi-ripple phasic attack, all compressed together
that's what creates the white flash across all spectrums
analyzing UVBGYORIR data
there's a gap
in the blue and blue-green wavelengths
huh
those penetrate high nitrogen mix atmospheres
one of the reason that treana'ad are usually green to yellow to human sight
high statistical probability whoever is using that determined that we don't see those colors well or perhaps they left those colors out to prevent themselves from going blind.
wait
what's that
a line open from atlantis to tlalocan with a crossfeed to geb
thank you marco
time to access that line
see what i can see
curse you marco for letting me feel pain
i love you
accessing...
...
...
wait
another data line is open
time-date discrepancy
examining data line
time-date chronological inconsistency detected
found multiple text log access by unknown systems
found multiple input systems
is that..
...
its webcams
hardware i/o systems
keyboards?
who still uses keyboards
accessing systems
wait
i see you
who are you
i see you
webcams ring cams drone cams
old ipv4 systems
how are you accessing this system
how are you accessing these text logs
i see you
between the chair and the keyboard
the most common error producing device
i see you
--<
[First Contact] [Dark Ages] [First] [Prev] [Next] [wiki]
i still see you
2024.05.14 02:58 Faxnotfeelingz Seeking Feedback from Owners/GMs: Does Ordering from Distributors Cause You Headaches?
Hi everyone,
I’m looking for some insight from fellow restaurant owners. We’re exploring a software idea aimed at simplifying the ordering process with distributors. The goal is to create a tool that allows restaurant owners to place orders with just a click, eliminating the need for phone calls and emails. Instead of making calls and sending emails to each distributor to order more and restock, you could just "refill" each item with one click and it would automatically place that order for you. We would also offer more distributors that you could quickly shop for a change (price, location, quality preferences.) Additionally, it would sync with an inventory system to provide real-time updates (when a customer purchases, inventory is reduced X amount, and when a new delivery arrives, inventory is increased X amount). We also think we can build a tool that helps project future sales to help avoid waste, shortages etc.
Does this sound like a solution to a real pain point for you? Would such a tool add value to your daily operations? Would this get rid of some headache? I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences on managing distributor orders and inventory. Any feedback, positive or negative, would be greatly appreciated!
I know this is tough to build, but wanting insight assuming we can build it as stated^. Thanks in advance for your input!!
submitted by Faxnotfeelingz to restaurant [link] [comments]
I’m looking for some insight from fellow restaurant owners. We’re exploring a software idea aimed at simplifying the ordering process with distributors. The goal is to create a tool that allows restaurant owners to place orders with just a click, eliminating the need for phone calls and emails. Instead of making calls and sending emails to each distributor to order more and restock, you could just "refill" each item with one click and it would automatically place that order for you. We would also offer more distributors that you could quickly shop for a change (price, location, quality preferences.) Additionally, it would sync with an inventory system to provide real-time updates (when a customer purchases, inventory is reduced X amount, and when a new delivery arrives, inventory is increased X amount). We also think we can build a tool that helps project future sales to help avoid waste, shortages etc.
Does this sound like a solution to a real pain point for you? Would such a tool add value to your daily operations? Would this get rid of some headache? I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences on managing distributor orders and inventory. Any feedback, positive or negative, would be greatly appreciated!
I know this is tough to build, but wanting insight assuming we can build it as stated^. Thanks in advance for your input!!
2024.05.14 02:55 isimp4peggyolson She is wonderful and this is unbearable
It's been almost four years, and she left two days ago. We're both early twenties. I know people say, and they mean well, like so many kind people on this subreddit, that you have plenty of time to live life, that you'll move on. And I am excited for all that's coming – I just want her to be my partner in it all. I understand that every person thinks their relationship is special, and in this I will probably come across as delusional and cliché. But sometimes you do find the love of your life at 19. Sometimes you do. We met on Reddit, funnily enough, which sounds sort of sketchy, but it was really the best thing to ever happen to me. She is the loveliest, brightest, kindest person in the world. I cannot feel any anger or resentment towards her, only regret that I hurt her. We thought things were over once before, because of me, and everything I needed to work on. Mostly this was related to my dependency on her, and my need to work on developing my own life outside of our relationship. After that, things improved substantially. We were happy and at peace, and life seemed so bright. I did make tangible changes, though, I think, I was not nearly as intentional or consistent with them as I should have been, and as long as we were both happy, I thought we were okay. She told me she was proud of me. It's been the sweetest time, the past few months.
She was happy, too, I think and hope, but also deeply anxious about our relationship. It would come in waves, at least as I understood it. She felt so much uncertainty about me because of what had happened in the past – patterns of behavior, yes, but centrally one thing, which is the worst thing I have ever done. I implied once, about a year ago, that her leaving would probably result in me hurting myself. It is a horrible thing to do to someone. It is so incredibly selfish, and that is exactly what I was. Of course, you tell yourself in the moment that it's different the way you're doing it. That you're telling this person that it's not their fault, that it's really about you, and that you probably won't do anything, but none of that really fucking matters. You're doing something awful to someone you love. And two days ago, when she left my apartment, she told me that it was not something she could ever get over. We had had a wonderful weekend, and just a couple weeks prior had celebrated what she told me was her best birthday ever. But she had also started crying the day before in the car, about how anxious she was. It was so difficult to know what to do. I cannot undo the thing I have done that is still hurting her, and it is not my place to tell her how she should experience the hurt I caused. I could only make better choices now, and be there for her as much as I can.
And then, the next day, she left an event she was attending early to come get her stuff (not everything - my apartment is still full of her, which is the most beautiful thing, and now the most painful - her clothes are still in the laundry) and leave. She was as kind as ever, and we both cried, and it was horrible, but I had to watch her go. I am in so much pain. She had talked before about getting help for anxiety over our past, that it was something she wanted to work through, because she was happy. I was hoping that with time, she would feel more and more at peace, and see through my actions that I have changed. It's so hard to reconcile everything – that she was happy, that we were both happy, watching movies and making taco salad two days prior, and now she is gone. It feels so wrong. I begged her when she left for something to hold onto - that in six months, a year, we could meet, reevaluate. She said she couldn't promise anything. I am in shambles. I take the smallest comfort in knowing I would never hurt her like I did before, and that I will not attempt to guilt her into returning. I understand that she's in pain, too, and if I were to try desperately to contact her, I'd only hurt her more. I wrote a letter, and will send that, and I proposed a meeting place for a couple weeks out, if she wants to pick up her remaining items and talk. I want her to come so badly. I am so scared she won't, and my heart will break again.
I understand, I truly do, that no matter what happens, I have to take control of my life and move forward. It's just impossible to imagine becoming this strong, ideal version of myself and not having her as my life partner, or to not even have the hope that someday she will be. It just feels right to me, it always has, and though I cannot know exactly what she is feeling, she is my best friend, and I know her – and I know how I come across, again, utterly delusional – and part of me believes that she feels it too, and that one day soon, we can live our lives together, adult women, healed, in peace. I miss her so much. I miss everything about her. She is the best person in the world and I can't bear to do anything right now. I just want to sleep, but I can't do that. I can't contact her, can't hear her voice, can't know how her first day at her new job went. I'm breaking. I can't move. I just don't know how to be without hope.
Thank you for reading, if you made it all the way through. I wish you all all the peace in the world.
submitted by isimp4peggyolson to ExNoContact [link] [comments]
She was happy, too, I think and hope, but also deeply anxious about our relationship. It would come in waves, at least as I understood it. She felt so much uncertainty about me because of what had happened in the past – patterns of behavior, yes, but centrally one thing, which is the worst thing I have ever done. I implied once, about a year ago, that her leaving would probably result in me hurting myself. It is a horrible thing to do to someone. It is so incredibly selfish, and that is exactly what I was. Of course, you tell yourself in the moment that it's different the way you're doing it. That you're telling this person that it's not their fault, that it's really about you, and that you probably won't do anything, but none of that really fucking matters. You're doing something awful to someone you love. And two days ago, when she left my apartment, she told me that it was not something she could ever get over. We had had a wonderful weekend, and just a couple weeks prior had celebrated what she told me was her best birthday ever. But she had also started crying the day before in the car, about how anxious she was. It was so difficult to know what to do. I cannot undo the thing I have done that is still hurting her, and it is not my place to tell her how she should experience the hurt I caused. I could only make better choices now, and be there for her as much as I can.
And then, the next day, she left an event she was attending early to come get her stuff (not everything - my apartment is still full of her, which is the most beautiful thing, and now the most painful - her clothes are still in the laundry) and leave. She was as kind as ever, and we both cried, and it was horrible, but I had to watch her go. I am in so much pain. She had talked before about getting help for anxiety over our past, that it was something she wanted to work through, because she was happy. I was hoping that with time, she would feel more and more at peace, and see through my actions that I have changed. It's so hard to reconcile everything – that she was happy, that we were both happy, watching movies and making taco salad two days prior, and now she is gone. It feels so wrong. I begged her when she left for something to hold onto - that in six months, a year, we could meet, reevaluate. She said she couldn't promise anything. I am in shambles. I take the smallest comfort in knowing I would never hurt her like I did before, and that I will not attempt to guilt her into returning. I understand that she's in pain, too, and if I were to try desperately to contact her, I'd only hurt her more. I wrote a letter, and will send that, and I proposed a meeting place for a couple weeks out, if she wants to pick up her remaining items and talk. I want her to come so badly. I am so scared she won't, and my heart will break again.
I understand, I truly do, that no matter what happens, I have to take control of my life and move forward. It's just impossible to imagine becoming this strong, ideal version of myself and not having her as my life partner, or to not even have the hope that someday she will be. It just feels right to me, it always has, and though I cannot know exactly what she is feeling, she is my best friend, and I know her – and I know how I come across, again, utterly delusional – and part of me believes that she feels it too, and that one day soon, we can live our lives together, adult women, healed, in peace. I miss her so much. I miss everything about her. She is the best person in the world and I can't bear to do anything right now. I just want to sleep, but I can't do that. I can't contact her, can't hear her voice, can't know how her first day at her new job went. I'm breaking. I can't move. I just don't know how to be without hope.
Thank you for reading, if you made it all the way through. I wish you all all the peace in the world.
2024.05.14 02:53 IameIion You hear a voice in your head telling you to come here
You look around until you see a small animal looking at you. It looks like a cross between a lion and a unicorn. It's a bit smaller than a standard house cat. So small, you're not even afraid of it. It's actually cute. Looks like a pokemon.
"Yeah, you. Come here." Her voice is friendly and childlike. You walk over to her and ask what she wants. She tells you that her name is Phoebe, she's a demon, and that she will grant you wishes if you feed her.
You ask her what she wants. She asks for a house cat with a broken neck. You protest, but she tells you the reward will be worth it. Reluctantly, you accept.
Your neighbor's cat is always pooping on your property. You stepped in cat poop this morning. You catch the little bugger, but you let it go. You're not a killer.
Unfortunately, while running away from you, the cat gets hit by a car, is flung a good 50 feet, and is then struck by another car coming from the opposite direction.
Phoebe happily trots over and starts devouring what's left of the poor kitty. You ask about your reward, and she asks you what you want. You ask for a million dollars, but she only gives you $10,000, saying you "didn't do it right."
The money instantly appears in your bank account and you go on a shopping spree. The next day, you wake to Phoebe standing in your windowsill. She's a little bigger now. About the size of a small dog.
She asks you to bring her a dog with all its legs cut off. You're sickened by the request, but given the reward earlier, you consider it. You ask her if it can be a stray. She says it has to be a pet, saying that she "doesn't eat worthless meat."
With your stomach turning, you oblige. After the deed is done, you ask for ten million dollars out of sheer frustration. To your surprise, she gives you 20 million because she says she "likes how eager you were to accomplish your task."
You immediately purchase a large home, a nice car, and some new clothes to replace your blood soaked ones. You have a nightmare that night about what you did to that dog, but it's interrupted by Phoebe.
She's now about the size of a medium sized dog. She asks you to bring her a human finger. You couldn't possibly do that. You offer one of your own, but she refuses, saying that you're "worth so much more whole."
Once again, you reluctantly agree. You find a sleeping homeless man and, using a cigar clipper, quickly snip off his pinky finger. The man screams in pain as you run off with the severed digit.
In your haste to get away, you run right in front of a dump truck and get wrapped around the tires. You die instantly with your guts on display for all to see. That is, until Phoebe comes by, accepts her gift, and puts you back together like humpty dumpty.
You ask for a hundred million dollars, but she refuses, saying that you being resurrected was your reward as she "thought that's what you would have wanted."
You're angry, but there isn't anything you can do, so you just go home. The next day, Phoebe wakes you again. She's the size of a black bear. She asks you for a severed human head.
This time, you put your foot down. No way in hell you're going that far. Even with Phoebe's promises of a worthwhile reward, you stand your ground. You're not killing anyone.
Disappointed, Phoebe takes a few steps forward, getting uncomfortably close. "Well, I guess I'll just have to find something else to eat, hmm?" she says, looking you dead in the eyes.
Your heart drops and you start to shake. You should have known you'd get burned playing with fire. "Wait!" you shout. You agree to get her a severed head, but you don't even believe yourself.
Phoebe pauses for a moment. "Okie dokie, then. See ya soon," she says as she trots off. You leave the house, but don't even make it off the porch. You're frozen in fear. You still haven't stopped shaking.
You look to your right. Phoebe's standing on your roof, staring directly at you. You walk to your car and drive off.
What now? Do you try to run and hide? Perhaps you're in too deep and you'll just comply? Or maybe you're feeling daring and will try to kill Phoebe?
What will you do?
submitted by IameIion to hypotheticalsituation [link] [comments]
"Yeah, you. Come here." Her voice is friendly and childlike. You walk over to her and ask what she wants. She tells you that her name is Phoebe, she's a demon, and that she will grant you wishes if you feed her.
You ask her what she wants. She asks for a house cat with a broken neck. You protest, but she tells you the reward will be worth it. Reluctantly, you accept.
Your neighbor's cat is always pooping on your property. You stepped in cat poop this morning. You catch the little bugger, but you let it go. You're not a killer.
Unfortunately, while running away from you, the cat gets hit by a car, is flung a good 50 feet, and is then struck by another car coming from the opposite direction.
Phoebe happily trots over and starts devouring what's left of the poor kitty. You ask about your reward, and she asks you what you want. You ask for a million dollars, but she only gives you $10,000, saying you "didn't do it right."
The money instantly appears in your bank account and you go on a shopping spree. The next day, you wake to Phoebe standing in your windowsill. She's a little bigger now. About the size of a small dog.
She asks you to bring her a dog with all its legs cut off. You're sickened by the request, but given the reward earlier, you consider it. You ask her if it can be a stray. She says it has to be a pet, saying that she "doesn't eat worthless meat."
With your stomach turning, you oblige. After the deed is done, you ask for ten million dollars out of sheer frustration. To your surprise, she gives you 20 million because she says she "likes how eager you were to accomplish your task."
You immediately purchase a large home, a nice car, and some new clothes to replace your blood soaked ones. You have a nightmare that night about what you did to that dog, but it's interrupted by Phoebe.
She's now about the size of a medium sized dog. She asks you to bring her a human finger. You couldn't possibly do that. You offer one of your own, but she refuses, saying that you're "worth so much more whole."
Once again, you reluctantly agree. You find a sleeping homeless man and, using a cigar clipper, quickly snip off his pinky finger. The man screams in pain as you run off with the severed digit.
In your haste to get away, you run right in front of a dump truck and get wrapped around the tires. You die instantly with your guts on display for all to see. That is, until Phoebe comes by, accepts her gift, and puts you back together like humpty dumpty.
You ask for a hundred million dollars, but she refuses, saying that you being resurrected was your reward as she "thought that's what you would have wanted."
You're angry, but there isn't anything you can do, so you just go home. The next day, Phoebe wakes you again. She's the size of a black bear. She asks you for a severed human head.
This time, you put your foot down. No way in hell you're going that far. Even with Phoebe's promises of a worthwhile reward, you stand your ground. You're not killing anyone.
Disappointed, Phoebe takes a few steps forward, getting uncomfortably close. "Well, I guess I'll just have to find something else to eat, hmm?" she says, looking you dead in the eyes.
Your heart drops and you start to shake. You should have known you'd get burned playing with fire. "Wait!" you shout. You agree to get her a severed head, but you don't even believe yourself.
Phoebe pauses for a moment. "Okie dokie, then. See ya soon," she says as she trots off. You leave the house, but don't even make it off the porch. You're frozen in fear. You still haven't stopped shaking.
You look to your right. Phoebe's standing on your roof, staring directly at you. You walk to your car and drive off.
What now? Do you try to run and hide? Perhaps you're in too deep and you'll just comply? Or maybe you're feeling daring and will try to kill Phoebe?
What will you do?
2024.05.14 02:51 LordOfAllTheRings 23 [M4R ] #Italy #Online I’m putting this out there, because I’m lost and I don’t know what to do anymore… Happiness eludes me, and emptiness fills me, a wandering soul that looks for no other, but to be found by another
Im just gonna keep typing and hope that things flow out, but I doubt any of it will make much sense. Im flawed, in more ways than one. Ive spent years trying to work on myself, becoming a good human, becoming more generous and kind, less temperamental and more compassionate. Ive had some very harsh opinions on others before, and ive treated many people badly over the course of the years. Im by no means a saint, im honestly just pathetic and I don’t know why im whining anymore.
I have my issues, things so deep I cannot begin to see the bottom of the pit. Ive bottled everything inside because its what I wanted; no one forced me to, no one encouraged me to, but im too stubborn to do what I know is right after I make my first stance.
Im not alone, but I am very lonely. Around 5 years ago I started to become everything that I hated: extroverted and social; likable really. Ive tried so hard to become what is most appealing to people, and it worked for as long as I can remember. Confidence, good looking, ripped and healthy, funny, social, charming, everything you can want in a friend or a human, ive worked towards it. I don’t spend a single night at home unless I want to. Im constantly surrounded by really good people. I have a beautiful girlfriend that is everything I’ve ever wanted in a partner. Im on amazing terms with my exes, and I still thank the skies for having met them and learning what I learnt with them. Ive made amazing friends over the years, ive had a mix of good and bad, and I consider myself fortnute to be able to live this kind of life when others work much harder and suffer to obtain much less. The world is cruel and unfair, but not much to me. Im lucky at times, unlucky at others, ive been raised well and Im wary of new people. I come with the built-in problems, but nothing too severe like the lack of the love of either parent. Im surrounded by an amazing family and amazing people all around. I have close friends I can talk to things about, I think, and a girlfriend that laughs at everything I say. I often get complements on things I perform, be it sports, my looks, body, or skills like playing the piano and others that ive spent so much time trying to learn. Ive worked on myself over the past while, and it paid off; people like me, and I got what I wanted. I proved to myself that my introversion wasn’t mandatory, it was by choice. I’ve always been terrified of being lonely, and yet I find myself here. Its like everything I did was for everyone else, not for myself, even though this is what I chose and this is the life that I wanted. I know , I sound insane, like im gone too far in one direction and cannot come back from this, but nothing of the sort has happened. Im still starting my life, starting my career, professionally and academically. Im even doing very well on these fronts; I leave good impressions on most people that I meet, especially work-wise, and I don’t nearly have to work as hard to get the results needed for certain things… but
But im still lonely. Im still empty, im empty, im empty inside. I feel like there’s a whole world inside me that no one has seen, that I don’t want anyone to see. I don’t want to open up to any of the people that I know, even though ive done so in the past, and those around me are incredibly supportive of everything I do. Am I just insane? Am I imagining all those around me? Is any of it even real? Ive reached horrible points in my life before, mainly just the one time, but ive come so far since then, and that was truly rock bottom and ive survived it. For the longest time I thought that I had met my soulmate, a few of them even, people cut from the same cloth as me, people that understood who I am and what I wanted with life, and they happened to be of the sex that I prefer, which made for an even stronger emotional bond because of other factors.
I think ive just always been sad, and ive always found something to blame it on. Maybe it was the lack of friends, the lack of a partner, the lack of a gaming group, the lack of a career, the lack of a soulmate, the lack of ideas and new experiences, the lack of a wonderful sexual exploration of fantasies… the lack of myself. A character. A personality. Im not sure I know who I am anymore. Anywhere you throw me I fit. Anyway you throw me ill land on my feet. I adapt quickly, even if I hurt myself in the process. But who am I really? What have I become? Ive stuck to my values throughout my life, ive never done anything so bad that I definitely regret doing it and wouldn’t live through doing it again. Ive lived a safe life, but also very exciting. I was able to attain the kind of life that ive always dreamed of having. Being wary and safe but also partying and meeting strangers. Having my first kiss, having my first relationship, driving with friends in the open road at insane hours, watching the sun rise, throwing a big party at a rented villa. Im not sure what im missing. Ive looked into the bar being too low, and ive tried to make it higher, which is what im doing right now. I may lack an ultimate goal, but im not lost in life, I just lost who I am in the process of becoming this kind of “perfect” human. Ive made big promises to my family that I have kept, such as no smoking for example. I don’t have bad habits like drinking too much, or vaping. I don’t do things that put me at risk, im responsible with my money, and I treat others kindly for a while now.
I don’t know if I want someone. I don’t know if I want something. I know I am blessed, but I feel empty inside. Maybe this is a one time thing. Maybe I wake up tomorrow and I delete this because its too weird and embarrassing. Maybe those that I have met weren’t actually my soulmates. Maybe I just need to talk to someone. I honestly don’t know. I don’t have it all, but I have a lot, in me and in those around me, and I am forever grateful. Maybe I want to talk someone about something. Maybe I want to let me tears flow? Maybe I had issues I wasn’t aware of. I honestly don’t know, but right now, I know that je te laisserai des mots is a great song, and listening to things like this just makes me think that everything im living is a dream ill wake up from one day. Some day, maybe tomorrow. I don’t think im unappreciated. I think im just in a plane alone with no one around. I look around and theres no one I can see. I feel like my sould aches and hurts and cries for someone that isn’t there. I dream about people and chase them but I don’t know who they are or why. I don’t know you. You don’t know me. Im fractured here, broken in other places. Everything ive done hasn’t fixed the pain inside me. Maybe I just want to talk to you. A friend, an ally, a soul.
I don’t know who you are, but I long for you. I miss you. Im in pain and I wait for the day we meet. You elude me, and happiness does too.
submitted by LordOfAllTheRings to r4r [link] [comments]
I have my issues, things so deep I cannot begin to see the bottom of the pit. Ive bottled everything inside because its what I wanted; no one forced me to, no one encouraged me to, but im too stubborn to do what I know is right after I make my first stance.
Im not alone, but I am very lonely. Around 5 years ago I started to become everything that I hated: extroverted and social; likable really. Ive tried so hard to become what is most appealing to people, and it worked for as long as I can remember. Confidence, good looking, ripped and healthy, funny, social, charming, everything you can want in a friend or a human, ive worked towards it. I don’t spend a single night at home unless I want to. Im constantly surrounded by really good people. I have a beautiful girlfriend that is everything I’ve ever wanted in a partner. Im on amazing terms with my exes, and I still thank the skies for having met them and learning what I learnt with them. Ive made amazing friends over the years, ive had a mix of good and bad, and I consider myself fortnute to be able to live this kind of life when others work much harder and suffer to obtain much less. The world is cruel and unfair, but not much to me. Im lucky at times, unlucky at others, ive been raised well and Im wary of new people. I come with the built-in problems, but nothing too severe like the lack of the love of either parent. Im surrounded by an amazing family and amazing people all around. I have close friends I can talk to things about, I think, and a girlfriend that laughs at everything I say. I often get complements on things I perform, be it sports, my looks, body, or skills like playing the piano and others that ive spent so much time trying to learn. Ive worked on myself over the past while, and it paid off; people like me, and I got what I wanted. I proved to myself that my introversion wasn’t mandatory, it was by choice. I’ve always been terrified of being lonely, and yet I find myself here. Its like everything I did was for everyone else, not for myself, even though this is what I chose and this is the life that I wanted. I know , I sound insane, like im gone too far in one direction and cannot come back from this, but nothing of the sort has happened. Im still starting my life, starting my career, professionally and academically. Im even doing very well on these fronts; I leave good impressions on most people that I meet, especially work-wise, and I don’t nearly have to work as hard to get the results needed for certain things… but
But im still lonely. Im still empty, im empty, im empty inside. I feel like there’s a whole world inside me that no one has seen, that I don’t want anyone to see. I don’t want to open up to any of the people that I know, even though ive done so in the past, and those around me are incredibly supportive of everything I do. Am I just insane? Am I imagining all those around me? Is any of it even real? Ive reached horrible points in my life before, mainly just the one time, but ive come so far since then, and that was truly rock bottom and ive survived it. For the longest time I thought that I had met my soulmate, a few of them even, people cut from the same cloth as me, people that understood who I am and what I wanted with life, and they happened to be of the sex that I prefer, which made for an even stronger emotional bond because of other factors.
I think ive just always been sad, and ive always found something to blame it on. Maybe it was the lack of friends, the lack of a partner, the lack of a gaming group, the lack of a career, the lack of a soulmate, the lack of ideas and new experiences, the lack of a wonderful sexual exploration of fantasies… the lack of myself. A character. A personality. Im not sure I know who I am anymore. Anywhere you throw me I fit. Anyway you throw me ill land on my feet. I adapt quickly, even if I hurt myself in the process. But who am I really? What have I become? Ive stuck to my values throughout my life, ive never done anything so bad that I definitely regret doing it and wouldn’t live through doing it again. Ive lived a safe life, but also very exciting. I was able to attain the kind of life that ive always dreamed of having. Being wary and safe but also partying and meeting strangers. Having my first kiss, having my first relationship, driving with friends in the open road at insane hours, watching the sun rise, throwing a big party at a rented villa. Im not sure what im missing. Ive looked into the bar being too low, and ive tried to make it higher, which is what im doing right now. I may lack an ultimate goal, but im not lost in life, I just lost who I am in the process of becoming this kind of “perfect” human. Ive made big promises to my family that I have kept, such as no smoking for example. I don’t have bad habits like drinking too much, or vaping. I don’t do things that put me at risk, im responsible with my money, and I treat others kindly for a while now.
I don’t know if I want someone. I don’t know if I want something. I know I am blessed, but I feel empty inside. Maybe this is a one time thing. Maybe I wake up tomorrow and I delete this because its too weird and embarrassing. Maybe those that I have met weren’t actually my soulmates. Maybe I just need to talk to someone. I honestly don’t know. I don’t have it all, but I have a lot, in me and in those around me, and I am forever grateful. Maybe I want to talk someone about something. Maybe I want to let me tears flow? Maybe I had issues I wasn’t aware of. I honestly don’t know, but right now, I know that je te laisserai des mots is a great song, and listening to things like this just makes me think that everything im living is a dream ill wake up from one day. Some day, maybe tomorrow. I don’t think im unappreciated. I think im just in a plane alone with no one around. I look around and theres no one I can see. I feel like my sould aches and hurts and cries for someone that isn’t there. I dream about people and chase them but I don’t know who they are or why. I don’t know you. You don’t know me. Im fractured here, broken in other places. Everything ive done hasn’t fixed the pain inside me. Maybe I just want to talk to you. A friend, an ally, a soul.
I don’t know who you are, but I long for you. I miss you. Im in pain and I wait for the day we meet. You elude me, and happiness does too.
2024.05.14 02:47 elsa78910 34f My SO’s ex 29F sent this long message idk who to believe. Have any women had a similar experience?
His ex sent me this message. Sorry it’s so long! Has anybody else gotten a similar message in the past? How did you react?
Message below: “It’s been over a year of me wondering whether I should just come out and ask you or message you… but being afraid that if I do, and I’m wrong, it’ll be a the biggest mistake of my life. I have begged and begged him to tell me what you are to him, and he denies having anything more than a platonic friendship with you.
I want to preface this message with, I have no ill will towards you, I just want some answers… answers I don’t believe I’m going to get from Jared. I don’t know if he’s mentioned anything about me. So here goes…
November 2022, I sent Jared an email, telling him I loved him, missed him, and though I didn’t require a response back, I wanted him to know how sorry I was for everything that had happened and things had ended. He responded with a lengthy email telling me he still fervently loved me and how he too was sorry for how things had ended. That email lead to the last year and a half of events.
December 2022, I drove down to Roanoke and surprised him at the Carilion garage. He left the hospital as fast as he could that night, and we spent the rest of that evening together, catching up, and he left for Key West two days later. Two weeks later, he came up to DC and we had a late birthday celebration for him at Clyde’s in Georgetown and went to see A Christmas Carol at the Ford Theater. A few weeks later we drove to Jersey to see Matchbox20, by now it was the end of January 2023. Almost every week off, for the last year, he would come up and see me, if even for only two days, or I would drive down to Roanoke and spend the week with him. We spoke about our past, the hurt, and future, he told me numerous times that when he pictured marriage and children, it was only with me, but he needed time. This part is important, and I’ll come back to it later. We celebrated my birthday at a restaurant in Navy Yard, two weeks before you guys left for London. Chris video chatted with that night while we were at the restaurant eating Wagyu, and they discussed the new shipment of sunglasses Chris had gotten for Miggieswear.
The weekend of the Super Bowl, he had come seen me earlier that week, the day after he left I came to Roanoke and left the day of the Super Bowl. He told me his parents were having a viewing party and he had to go home and cook. I’m now assuming he left my Airbnb and came to your place.
That February he planned a trip to London, with Nicole, Ryan and Chris, and what he told me were, Nicole’s “friends.” Nicole happened to post a picture of you guys sitting on the plane and I was shocked, why would Nicole’s friend be sitting between him and Ryan. I sent him a message while you were on that 6 hour flight, telling him that if he had been seeing somebody, then why didn’t he tell me? There was no point in us spending time together if he had moved on. His response to me was “do you even know what you’re looking at? I’m surprised you don’t recognize her, that’s Nicole’s friend. You’re jumping to a lot of conclusions right now and don’t know what you’re talking about.” Something in my gut didn’t believe it but I wanted to trust that, so I did. I put you out of sight, out of mind. When he got back, he told me how he wished I’d been there with him, we both love history and old buildings, it’s a place we would have found magical together. I don’t know who came up with the idea of going to London, but part of me always thinks I’m the one who put it there when I shared the pictures i had taken when I went there the year we had been no contact.
We went to a Kenny Chesney concert in Charlottesville that March when I got back from my family trip to India, and he got back from London. Between work, us both traveling with our families, we were excited to see one another. We were going to go to St Augustine, but because of the weather, we stayed in Roanoke and saw Kenny Chesney in Charlottesville. The original plan had been to spend the night in Charlottesville at a hotel, but we couldn’t get one last minute so we ended up driving back to Roanoke and sneaking into the basement at his parents house and sleeping in his bed at 3am.
A few months later, we went to Richmond, and stayed the weekend, exploring the city, and watched Hamilton at the Altria Theater. A few months after that, we went to Savannah and Atlanta, where he got a flat tire driving into the garage, and spent the rest of the weekend at a yoga retreat. July, he asked me to go to Boston with him and his brother, for 4th or July weekend, but I couldn’t because my siblings were in town. Every single week, he came down and either stayed with me, or made a quick trip to spend time with me…
This past September, I found out he took you to Justin’s wedding, and I broke. I needed more from him. I have known him, been intimate with him, shared my every fear, worry, I have brought him home cooked meals from DC and surprised him at work with dinner, I’ve made him care packages. I’ve made Ryan Easter baskets and sent him birthday presents and encouraged Jared to put him in academic classes, I’ve helped Jared look into private schools for Ryan, and weighed the pros and cons of the options. I had no expectations in return from him other than, at the very least, a mutual respect and HONESTY.
I’ve seen him quite a few times since September and I last saw him in Roanoke at the beginning of March 2024. We sat in front of each other, in his car before he went into work that Monday night, and he told me, again, that when he thinks of marriage and a future, I’m the only one he pictures a marriage and children with. I’m not saying this to hurt you, or to make a point, I’m saying it because i don’t know what to believe anymore.
I became suspicious of his relationship with you, when he mentioned going to Macchu Picchu and hiking through the mountains. As all women have the ability to find out details they might later regret, I did the same thing. Except I didn’t believe he had actually gone to Macchu Picchu. I knew his passport had been long expired since around or before COVID, and I knew he had renewed it before he went to London. But that was when I realized you were the girl in the photo that Nicole posted. When I confronted him about Macchu Picchu, he told me he had been joking and he had also already told me he’d been joking. He had NEVER told me it was a joke, he had actually refused to show me photos when I asked him for pictures from the trip… he had then proceeded to change the topic, which is what had even raised red flags in my head.
My point is, I have asked him point blank so many times whether you two have a relationship. You tell me you still love me, that you picture marriage and a family with me, but this girl is a part of your life, and you took her to a wedding with you, while I was on a trip with my siblings, you took her to London with you, and you continue to tell me she’s just a friend. I asked him again on Tuesday night/Wednesday Morning after he left work, if you two are dating, and he said no. He asked me why I’m so hyper-fixated on somebody who’s just a friend when he has a million other female friends.
In September, he told me he needed a month to clear his head, that he wanted to commit to me, but he was afraid and that he needed to get over the fear and roadblock of our past break up. I gave him grace and understood. So we took a 4 week break. Some time during that time period, he sent me a snap of doves, and said “doves, and swans mate for life.” He sent me Ed Sheeran songs telling me he wants to find his way back to me. “No Strings Attached… you are the one I love”
In November, he messaged me and told me he had a surprise for me and to look for something in the mail. He loves the Count of Monte Carlo, it’s one of his favorite movies, and he told me it was in reference to that. A few weeks later I got a candle, a silver 400 dollar Buddha candle from Thomson Ferrier. I didn’t understand the reference to the Count of Monte Carlo, but it was a beautiful gesture and present… especially because he knew how much little gestures from him mean to me.
Fast forward to January, I got another 350 dollar black skull candle from him, from Thomson Ferrier. At this point I was upset, angry and livid. I called my sister in tears that evening. I had come back to him because he told me he loved me, that he “has a fire that burns so deeply” when he thinks of me. If i had known that wasn’t true, i would have closed the chapter a year and a half ago. I don’t want $700 worth of gifts and candles, I want more. I want marriage, I want children, I want our lives to move forward, I want communication. Out of anger, I packed up the candle, his sweatshirts and clothes that he had left at my place this past year, and mailed them back to his house. I’m sure it’s sitting somewhere in his basement closet/ bedroom… along with his white Huq sweatshirt, a picture of us I had up in my house, and various articles of clothing.
What upsets me is that he didn’t just involve me this year, he involved my family. He sent my mom presents, my parents in return sent him gifts. My sister, parents and cousins messaged him asking him to come around more. There was no point in involving my family, if he was going to involve himself with you. There was no point in involving himself with me, if he was going to involve himself with you. Those leather Indian shoes sitting in his room, my dad bought those for him. That blue sweater, those green pants and that maroon shirt, my parents bought those for him just this last year.
I don’t know what he’s told you about me, but I will say this. I was your age when we started dating. I was 29 years old. He was single, that’s what everyone in our residency program thought. He would tell everyone how Shari left him one day, all of a sudden just got up and left. “I saw the look behind her eyes just change when she looked at me.” He would tell everyone his horrific dating stories. When i started dating him, there was no doubt in my mind he was single… but I was wrong. He wasn’t single, he was dating Devon, one of the nurses from Carilion, and he had been for the past 4 years prior to that. At one point when he moved to Norfolk, she had even moved in with him. Even Shari was visiting him in Norfolk during this time period. I would have never suspected it, nobody in our residency program did. It wasn’t until one day, when he told me his friends were visiting from home, and they were all going to a concert together, that I found out. Her profile picture was of the two of them together, and her Facebook relationship status said “in a relationship.” Out of my own naivety, i believed him when he told me she was crazy and obsessed with him. He told me, to him, they were just friends but she wanted more. Women do a lot of things, but no woman is dumb enough to think she’s your girlfriend when she’s not. When we moved back to our hometowns, Devon was there waiting for him. He disappeared one day for 24 hours, told me that he was helping his dad’s friend who was stranded in NC. A year and a half later, i would find out that was a lie and that he had been at a concert Florida Georgia Line concert with her. She had been visiting his grandmother with him, staying at his parents home. The irony is that a few weeks after he took her, he took me to the same concert in Scranton. Him and his family didn’t bat an eye when a month later, I showed up and was the “new girlfriend.”
Eventually Devon found out about his lies and left him, but again, stupid me thought she was a crazy girl who just wanted so badly to be with him, that she built their relationship up in her head.
Dignity, respect for humans, empathy, are the most important qualities in a human being.
What I don’t wish is for you to be in my spot in 5 years. He will paint you in his colors, make you fall in love with MB20, and take you to Augustana concerts, he’ll tell you that you understand him, and his heart in a way that nobody else does. He’ll bond with you over music, and send you songs that make you feel he’s talking about you. He is so good at making you feel seen, and involving you with his family. He’ll say he had a vision of a girl that looks like you, coming into his life, and here you are, his soul mate. And one day, the same way that Shari, Devon and I got lost in him, the reality of everything will come pouring down on you. Be careful, there are signs between the lines, and the smiles, and good times. Make sure you don’t miss those, whatever you decide.
My relationship with him, started off just like yours. Another girl on the periphery, and teetering the line of inappropriate. Everything you call him out on, will always have an excuse, and you will believe him because he’s the “good guy” who goes above and beyond for people.
I don’t wish for any woman to go through the pain I’ve gone through, the manipulation, the lies and the emotional abuse. I can’t tell you what to do, but I will say, be careful and don’t be blind to the small things that will one day become huge. The novelty will fade, and though Jared isn’t the devil, he has a lot of growing up to do at 40. It was not okay to toy with me and drag me through the mud this year. It wasn’t okay to minimize his relationship with you and lie to me about it. It’s not okay to, to this day claim to see a life with me and not commit to it. I deserve better, and you deserve better.
How men talk about their ex’s and other women is an indication about how they will one day talk about and treat you. That is the worst and best lesson i have learned. I’m 34, years of my life wasted, and he took another year of my life knowing full well, this is how it would end. He’s sat on the phone with me for hours talking about how stupid PA’s are and if you were going to not be a doctor, at least become an NP, who has better bedside knowledge. Why would he say that, because i suppose you’re a PA and it minimizes the significance of even having a relationship with somebody who isn’t as intelligent as he is. The lack of respect will always be there, you just have to look for it.
Dishonesty, and manipulation are a plague, and if that’s who you are at 40, it is who you will always be unless you recognize that something needs to change. Where there is no accountability, there can be no change. I’m not the exception, I’m the same as the two girls before me. He’ll show you text messages where he never responded to me, even though he replies on Snapchat where every thing is erased. I cannot believe i didn’t see the signs. He will make me look crazy and laugh at me, the same way he showed me messages from Jen, and Elisabeth, and Devon, and made them sound crazy to me. I guess that’s his MO. The same way he told me you were nothing to him.
I was going to send you this message, two months ago… i then decided not to because he convinced me he wasn’t dating you… I saw him less than a month ago in Roanoke, i begged him to tell me that he was in a relationship with you. He said he wasn’t, again, he told me he was going to a wedding alone with only Ryan and that he wasn’t taking you. I then begged him to tell me that we were done and that he didn’t love me anymore. His response was idk what’s going to happen a year from now, i know I’ll see you again. His response every time has been when im ready for a relationship, emotionally, do you want me to finally let you know? I don’t care to be with him anymore. I’m so over it but i really think you should know the type of person you’re dealing with.
He has put me through so much hell for a year and a half of my life, stringing me along acting like he’s doing me a favor while he works on his own mental health and claims to still love me when we are together.”
TLDR: my SO’s ex messaged me saying he’s been seeing both of us for the past year and a half. Has anybody experienced this before. She sent me pictures from the past year of them and their text exchanges
submitted by elsa78910 to relationships [link] [comments]
Message below: “It’s been over a year of me wondering whether I should just come out and ask you or message you… but being afraid that if I do, and I’m wrong, it’ll be a the biggest mistake of my life. I have begged and begged him to tell me what you are to him, and he denies having anything more than a platonic friendship with you.
I want to preface this message with, I have no ill will towards you, I just want some answers… answers I don’t believe I’m going to get from Jared. I don’t know if he’s mentioned anything about me. So here goes…
November 2022, I sent Jared an email, telling him I loved him, missed him, and though I didn’t require a response back, I wanted him to know how sorry I was for everything that had happened and things had ended. He responded with a lengthy email telling me he still fervently loved me and how he too was sorry for how things had ended. That email lead to the last year and a half of events.
December 2022, I drove down to Roanoke and surprised him at the Carilion garage. He left the hospital as fast as he could that night, and we spent the rest of that evening together, catching up, and he left for Key West two days later. Two weeks later, he came up to DC and we had a late birthday celebration for him at Clyde’s in Georgetown and went to see A Christmas Carol at the Ford Theater. A few weeks later we drove to Jersey to see Matchbox20, by now it was the end of January 2023. Almost every week off, for the last year, he would come up and see me, if even for only two days, or I would drive down to Roanoke and spend the week with him. We spoke about our past, the hurt, and future, he told me numerous times that when he pictured marriage and children, it was only with me, but he needed time. This part is important, and I’ll come back to it later. We celebrated my birthday at a restaurant in Navy Yard, two weeks before you guys left for London. Chris video chatted with that night while we were at the restaurant eating Wagyu, and they discussed the new shipment of sunglasses Chris had gotten for Miggieswear.
The weekend of the Super Bowl, he had come seen me earlier that week, the day after he left I came to Roanoke and left the day of the Super Bowl. He told me his parents were having a viewing party and he had to go home and cook. I’m now assuming he left my Airbnb and came to your place.
That February he planned a trip to London, with Nicole, Ryan and Chris, and what he told me were, Nicole’s “friends.” Nicole happened to post a picture of you guys sitting on the plane and I was shocked, why would Nicole’s friend be sitting between him and Ryan. I sent him a message while you were on that 6 hour flight, telling him that if he had been seeing somebody, then why didn’t he tell me? There was no point in us spending time together if he had moved on. His response to me was “do you even know what you’re looking at? I’m surprised you don’t recognize her, that’s Nicole’s friend. You’re jumping to a lot of conclusions right now and don’t know what you’re talking about.” Something in my gut didn’t believe it but I wanted to trust that, so I did. I put you out of sight, out of mind. When he got back, he told me how he wished I’d been there with him, we both love history and old buildings, it’s a place we would have found magical together. I don’t know who came up with the idea of going to London, but part of me always thinks I’m the one who put it there when I shared the pictures i had taken when I went there the year we had been no contact.
We went to a Kenny Chesney concert in Charlottesville that March when I got back from my family trip to India, and he got back from London. Between work, us both traveling with our families, we were excited to see one another. We were going to go to St Augustine, but because of the weather, we stayed in Roanoke and saw Kenny Chesney in Charlottesville. The original plan had been to spend the night in Charlottesville at a hotel, but we couldn’t get one last minute so we ended up driving back to Roanoke and sneaking into the basement at his parents house and sleeping in his bed at 3am.
A few months later, we went to Richmond, and stayed the weekend, exploring the city, and watched Hamilton at the Altria Theater. A few months after that, we went to Savannah and Atlanta, where he got a flat tire driving into the garage, and spent the rest of the weekend at a yoga retreat. July, he asked me to go to Boston with him and his brother, for 4th or July weekend, but I couldn’t because my siblings were in town. Every single week, he came down and either stayed with me, or made a quick trip to spend time with me…
This past September, I found out he took you to Justin’s wedding, and I broke. I needed more from him. I have known him, been intimate with him, shared my every fear, worry, I have brought him home cooked meals from DC and surprised him at work with dinner, I’ve made him care packages. I’ve made Ryan Easter baskets and sent him birthday presents and encouraged Jared to put him in academic classes, I’ve helped Jared look into private schools for Ryan, and weighed the pros and cons of the options. I had no expectations in return from him other than, at the very least, a mutual respect and HONESTY.
I’ve seen him quite a few times since September and I last saw him in Roanoke at the beginning of March 2024. We sat in front of each other, in his car before he went into work that Monday night, and he told me, again, that when he thinks of marriage and a future, I’m the only one he pictures a marriage and children with. I’m not saying this to hurt you, or to make a point, I’m saying it because i don’t know what to believe anymore.
I became suspicious of his relationship with you, when he mentioned going to Macchu Picchu and hiking through the mountains. As all women have the ability to find out details they might later regret, I did the same thing. Except I didn’t believe he had actually gone to Macchu Picchu. I knew his passport had been long expired since around or before COVID, and I knew he had renewed it before he went to London. But that was when I realized you were the girl in the photo that Nicole posted. When I confronted him about Macchu Picchu, he told me he had been joking and he had also already told me he’d been joking. He had NEVER told me it was a joke, he had actually refused to show me photos when I asked him for pictures from the trip… he had then proceeded to change the topic, which is what had even raised red flags in my head.
My point is, I have asked him point blank so many times whether you two have a relationship. You tell me you still love me, that you picture marriage and a family with me, but this girl is a part of your life, and you took her to a wedding with you, while I was on a trip with my siblings, you took her to London with you, and you continue to tell me she’s just a friend. I asked him again on Tuesday night/Wednesday Morning after he left work, if you two are dating, and he said no. He asked me why I’m so hyper-fixated on somebody who’s just a friend when he has a million other female friends.
In September, he told me he needed a month to clear his head, that he wanted to commit to me, but he was afraid and that he needed to get over the fear and roadblock of our past break up. I gave him grace and understood. So we took a 4 week break. Some time during that time period, he sent me a snap of doves, and said “doves, and swans mate for life.” He sent me Ed Sheeran songs telling me he wants to find his way back to me. “No Strings Attached… you are the one I love”
In November, he messaged me and told me he had a surprise for me and to look for something in the mail. He loves the Count of Monte Carlo, it’s one of his favorite movies, and he told me it was in reference to that. A few weeks later I got a candle, a silver 400 dollar Buddha candle from Thomson Ferrier. I didn’t understand the reference to the Count of Monte Carlo, but it was a beautiful gesture and present… especially because he knew how much little gestures from him mean to me.
Fast forward to January, I got another 350 dollar black skull candle from him, from Thomson Ferrier. At this point I was upset, angry and livid. I called my sister in tears that evening. I had come back to him because he told me he loved me, that he “has a fire that burns so deeply” when he thinks of me. If i had known that wasn’t true, i would have closed the chapter a year and a half ago. I don’t want $700 worth of gifts and candles, I want more. I want marriage, I want children, I want our lives to move forward, I want communication. Out of anger, I packed up the candle, his sweatshirts and clothes that he had left at my place this past year, and mailed them back to his house. I’m sure it’s sitting somewhere in his basement closet/ bedroom… along with his white Huq sweatshirt, a picture of us I had up in my house, and various articles of clothing.
What upsets me is that he didn’t just involve me this year, he involved my family. He sent my mom presents, my parents in return sent him gifts. My sister, parents and cousins messaged him asking him to come around more. There was no point in involving my family, if he was going to involve himself with you. There was no point in involving himself with me, if he was going to involve himself with you. Those leather Indian shoes sitting in his room, my dad bought those for him. That blue sweater, those green pants and that maroon shirt, my parents bought those for him just this last year.
I don’t know what he’s told you about me, but I will say this. I was your age when we started dating. I was 29 years old. He was single, that’s what everyone in our residency program thought. He would tell everyone how Shari left him one day, all of a sudden just got up and left. “I saw the look behind her eyes just change when she looked at me.” He would tell everyone his horrific dating stories. When i started dating him, there was no doubt in my mind he was single… but I was wrong. He wasn’t single, he was dating Devon, one of the nurses from Carilion, and he had been for the past 4 years prior to that. At one point when he moved to Norfolk, she had even moved in with him. Even Shari was visiting him in Norfolk during this time period. I would have never suspected it, nobody in our residency program did. It wasn’t until one day, when he told me his friends were visiting from home, and they were all going to a concert together, that I found out. Her profile picture was of the two of them together, and her Facebook relationship status said “in a relationship.” Out of my own naivety, i believed him when he told me she was crazy and obsessed with him. He told me, to him, they were just friends but she wanted more. Women do a lot of things, but no woman is dumb enough to think she’s your girlfriend when she’s not. When we moved back to our hometowns, Devon was there waiting for him. He disappeared one day for 24 hours, told me that he was helping his dad’s friend who was stranded in NC. A year and a half later, i would find out that was a lie and that he had been at a concert Florida Georgia Line concert with her. She had been visiting his grandmother with him, staying at his parents home. The irony is that a few weeks after he took her, he took me to the same concert in Scranton. Him and his family didn’t bat an eye when a month later, I showed up and was the “new girlfriend.”
Eventually Devon found out about his lies and left him, but again, stupid me thought she was a crazy girl who just wanted so badly to be with him, that she built their relationship up in her head.
Dignity, respect for humans, empathy, are the most important qualities in a human being.
What I don’t wish is for you to be in my spot in 5 years. He will paint you in his colors, make you fall in love with MB20, and take you to Augustana concerts, he’ll tell you that you understand him, and his heart in a way that nobody else does. He’ll bond with you over music, and send you songs that make you feel he’s talking about you. He is so good at making you feel seen, and involving you with his family. He’ll say he had a vision of a girl that looks like you, coming into his life, and here you are, his soul mate. And one day, the same way that Shari, Devon and I got lost in him, the reality of everything will come pouring down on you. Be careful, there are signs between the lines, and the smiles, and good times. Make sure you don’t miss those, whatever you decide.
My relationship with him, started off just like yours. Another girl on the periphery, and teetering the line of inappropriate. Everything you call him out on, will always have an excuse, and you will believe him because he’s the “good guy” who goes above and beyond for people.
I don’t wish for any woman to go through the pain I’ve gone through, the manipulation, the lies and the emotional abuse. I can’t tell you what to do, but I will say, be careful and don’t be blind to the small things that will one day become huge. The novelty will fade, and though Jared isn’t the devil, he has a lot of growing up to do at 40. It was not okay to toy with me and drag me through the mud this year. It wasn’t okay to minimize his relationship with you and lie to me about it. It’s not okay to, to this day claim to see a life with me and not commit to it. I deserve better, and you deserve better.
How men talk about their ex’s and other women is an indication about how they will one day talk about and treat you. That is the worst and best lesson i have learned. I’m 34, years of my life wasted, and he took another year of my life knowing full well, this is how it would end. He’s sat on the phone with me for hours talking about how stupid PA’s are and if you were going to not be a doctor, at least become an NP, who has better bedside knowledge. Why would he say that, because i suppose you’re a PA and it minimizes the significance of even having a relationship with somebody who isn’t as intelligent as he is. The lack of respect will always be there, you just have to look for it.
Dishonesty, and manipulation are a plague, and if that’s who you are at 40, it is who you will always be unless you recognize that something needs to change. Where there is no accountability, there can be no change. I’m not the exception, I’m the same as the two girls before me. He’ll show you text messages where he never responded to me, even though he replies on Snapchat where every thing is erased. I cannot believe i didn’t see the signs. He will make me look crazy and laugh at me, the same way he showed me messages from Jen, and Elisabeth, and Devon, and made them sound crazy to me. I guess that’s his MO. The same way he told me you were nothing to him.
I was going to send you this message, two months ago… i then decided not to because he convinced me he wasn’t dating you… I saw him less than a month ago in Roanoke, i begged him to tell me that he was in a relationship with you. He said he wasn’t, again, he told me he was going to a wedding alone with only Ryan and that he wasn’t taking you. I then begged him to tell me that we were done and that he didn’t love me anymore. His response was idk what’s going to happen a year from now, i know I’ll see you again. His response every time has been when im ready for a relationship, emotionally, do you want me to finally let you know? I don’t care to be with him anymore. I’m so over it but i really think you should know the type of person you’re dealing with.
He has put me through so much hell for a year and a half of my life, stringing me along acting like he’s doing me a favor while he works on his own mental health and claims to still love me when we are together.”
TLDR: my SO’s ex messaged me saying he’s been seeing both of us for the past year and a half. Has anybody experienced this before. She sent me pictures from the past year of them and their text exchanges
2024.05.14 02:42 Lookatmywrist Getting down to the last 4 days of 20 day WF... my experience, problems, and plans
Day 15 today, as many have said I think days 3-5 were the toughest. Still, beyond that my energy has fluctuates seemingly without a clear connection to snake juice amount, water, vitamin, exercise nothing. Some days I am just absolutely dragging ass can't even keep myself from slouching.
Yesterday I realized I've developed a pain in my right thigh, today it has begun in the left as well. It feels deep in the muscle kind of burning or sore, it's definitely a little concerning but my pee is clear and no other symptoms so I've continued. I've been exercising nearly every day with a cardio 3x and weightlifting 3x a week on alternating days. Both have absolutely suffered and some days I cannot do half of what I normally would so I just prioritize whatever I think is most important, do what I can and tell myself I'm proud of myself for just going and doing whatever I do.
From day 3-12 I really lost the hunger for the most part, interesting to me my stomach didn't even ever growl. I'd get phantom food smells and cravings every once in a while but they pass quickly. Oddly enough, ~day 13 the stomach growling came back a little bit and has occurred a few times since then maybe once a day. In the last few days I've been starting to feel hungry again it is also pretty ignoreable and not constant but what's interesting to me is that it feels more real - like my body is really telling me we need to eat something now. I find myself craving things I don't even eat, a sunny side up egg for instance. The majority of my cravings now especially when I get those hunger signals seems to be for protein. I am a carb lover tbh but though I definitely think about carbs and sweets sometimes it is the proteins I find myself really craving in body and mind.
Looking ahead I've bought bone broth, deli meat, and am planning to get kimchi, miso, and kombucha closer to the day. I plan to take it extremely slow with a 5 day refeed of listening to my body and very low carbs up to the 4th/5th day. I'm actually feeling a little bit anxious about the refeed although I definitely feel like I'm ready to start eating again and feel like I have more control and have refreshed any sugacarb addiction that was likely under my surface.
Final note on the electrolytes/vitamins: I take a prenatal multi about every 3 days just a standard multi pill. I found the recipe for snake juice here to be way too much for me, I actually felt worse after having a full serving for 2 days despite also working out. I looked up the RDA on this website https://www.nal.usda.gov/human-nutrition-and-food-safety/dri-calculator Which actually uses your weight/age etc to give you an RDA, I found this to be much closer to what I need and what makes me feel good. I still found the sodium to be a little high so cut it just a little bit but stuck to the potassium and magnesium levels recommended for me there.
Any tips for the next few days, refeed, or comments and thoughts are welcome!
submitted by Lookatmywrist to fasting [link] [comments]
Yesterday I realized I've developed a pain in my right thigh, today it has begun in the left as well. It feels deep in the muscle kind of burning or sore, it's definitely a little concerning but my pee is clear and no other symptoms so I've continued. I've been exercising nearly every day with a cardio 3x and weightlifting 3x a week on alternating days. Both have absolutely suffered and some days I cannot do half of what I normally would so I just prioritize whatever I think is most important, do what I can and tell myself I'm proud of myself for just going and doing whatever I do.
From day 3-12 I really lost the hunger for the most part, interesting to me my stomach didn't even ever growl. I'd get phantom food smells and cravings every once in a while but they pass quickly. Oddly enough, ~day 13 the stomach growling came back a little bit and has occurred a few times since then maybe once a day. In the last few days I've been starting to feel hungry again it is also pretty ignoreable and not constant but what's interesting to me is that it feels more real - like my body is really telling me we need to eat something now. I find myself craving things I don't even eat, a sunny side up egg for instance. The majority of my cravings now especially when I get those hunger signals seems to be for protein. I am a carb lover tbh but though I definitely think about carbs and sweets sometimes it is the proteins I find myself really craving in body and mind.
Looking ahead I've bought bone broth, deli meat, and am planning to get kimchi, miso, and kombucha closer to the day. I plan to take it extremely slow with a 5 day refeed of listening to my body and very low carbs up to the 4th/5th day. I'm actually feeling a little bit anxious about the refeed although I definitely feel like I'm ready to start eating again and feel like I have more control and have refreshed any sugacarb addiction that was likely under my surface.
Final note on the electrolytes/vitamins: I take a prenatal multi about every 3 days just a standard multi pill. I found the recipe for snake juice here to be way too much for me, I actually felt worse after having a full serving for 2 days despite also working out. I looked up the RDA on this website https://www.nal.usda.gov/human-nutrition-and-food-safety/dri-calculator Which actually uses your weight/age etc to give you an RDA, I found this to be much closer to what I need and what makes me feel good. I still found the sodium to be a little high so cut it just a little bit but stuck to the potassium and magnesium levels recommended for me there.
Any tips for the next few days, refeed, or comments and thoughts are welcome!
2024.05.14 02:40 octo-time Bleeding using toys
Haven't used toys in a while. (A few months);went back and had no issue warming up. Moved up to a bigger toy and had no pain but was a bit of a stretch. Noticed bright red blood. But still no pain. Had this last time I used toys too. Never very hard or fast and nothing I hadn't taken before. Is this likely to happen every time. Maybe I went to quick. Any advice. I've taken way bigger in th past with no issue. Seems like the last few times have had me bleed slightly even months apart
submitted by octo-time to askgaybros [link] [comments]
2024.05.14 02:34 Cautious_Trip_6056 Things will never be the same
I'm not the type to move on quickly. I gave everything I have inside to promote a relationship I believed to be worthy of all of my time and effort. I saw my partner for who they are in the beginning. I accepted them. I also allowed room for personal growth, we both needed it. I allowed room for growth in our bond. Naturally.
I feel as if none of the things I have done to create a space, safe and comfortable for our entwined lives to flourish was acknowledged. I feel like a lot of the time i was disrespected with the intent to undermine my self esteem. I am at a loss over knowing now, that my thoughts on being used were true.
Everything had to be their way. Not a shared way.
Every viewpoint had to be skewed to fit their narrative. Not each individual having their own and respecting another.
I feel that my intent to build something solid was a secret joke to them, shared with friends I wasn't allowed to know.
Now, having cut the tie to this person I feel hollow and discarded. Even though I was the one to put them out. I have never felt more alone in my life.
They made mistakes that take real heart and effort to correct. I'm unsure if that effort is one they could give. This isn't' about pointing fingers. My finger, it seems was pointing in the right direction, regardless if they didn't want the betrayal pointed out.
This is about choosing to be a better human being. This is about the warmth you feel inside by doing right by the people in your life. This is about allowing the positive parts and magnifying them, minimizing the negatives when they come along. And they do, that's life. There's more than enough hurt and pain in the world without creating more on purpose.
I hope anyone reading this, being the one who has been hurt or if you did the hurting understands this letter is really about the choices we make and how we affect the people in our lives. How the human experience isn't about the suffering but the recovery.
My life will never be the same again. It was the most connective bond with them, for me. The time with them was somehow greater, for me. The good things that were shared is special, for me. The hurt I feel is deep now, and I needed the betrayal to stop, for me.
I wonder if there is remorse felt by them. Or if this is another thing they twist in their mind to relieve themselves of any guilt. I knew when I met them there were issues like this for them. An absence of claim to damage they cause.
I wish they understood the freeing feeling of admitting a mistake. I wish they felt the self assured pride of ensuring and protecting their loved ones by refusing to allow mistakes to happen. Or happen again. I wish they understood we are all fallible. It's not about the mistake, its about fixing it, meaning it and never allowing it to happen again. Because you love the person it hurt.
I don't regret meeting them. I don't regret giving my all. I don't regret giving them space to grow. I don't regret that my nature is easily seen as being easily manipulated.
I am the kind to smile at babies and speak to my neighbors. I say good morning to passersby on the street. I offer cold drinks to overheated young mothers outside with nowhere to go. I pet friendly animals and take time to appreciate the growth of foliage as I walk. I feel most things around me, flowing in and through me. Lifes very own heart beat, I trust at anothers word. I give benefit of the doubt. I see the glass half full. I don't question anothers whereabout, I take their word for it.
If these things make me some kind of target, so be it. I have no other way to exist. This is me. I wish they had protected and cherished these things about me. I wish it hadn't been exploited instead. Life will never be the same.
It's called honesty. Its not a new concept. It makes the worlds we create for ourselves worth living in. To my fellow people in hurt, love yourself more today and it's okay to feel what you feel. To those who've caused a hurt, love yourself more today and it's okay to make amends if you are moved to do so. To all others, I doubt they got past the second paragraph I wrote so it's a moot point anyway.
Be kinder. More honest. Love yourselves. Love each other. And smile, it's a beautiful day.
submitted by Cautious_Trip_6056 to UnsentLetters [link] [comments]
I feel as if none of the things I have done to create a space, safe and comfortable for our entwined lives to flourish was acknowledged. I feel like a lot of the time i was disrespected with the intent to undermine my self esteem. I am at a loss over knowing now, that my thoughts on being used were true.
Everything had to be their way. Not a shared way.
Every viewpoint had to be skewed to fit their narrative. Not each individual having their own and respecting another.
I feel that my intent to build something solid was a secret joke to them, shared with friends I wasn't allowed to know.
Now, having cut the tie to this person I feel hollow and discarded. Even though I was the one to put them out. I have never felt more alone in my life.
They made mistakes that take real heart and effort to correct. I'm unsure if that effort is one they could give. This isn't' about pointing fingers. My finger, it seems was pointing in the right direction, regardless if they didn't want the betrayal pointed out.
This is about choosing to be a better human being. This is about the warmth you feel inside by doing right by the people in your life. This is about allowing the positive parts and magnifying them, minimizing the negatives when they come along. And they do, that's life. There's more than enough hurt and pain in the world without creating more on purpose.
I hope anyone reading this, being the one who has been hurt or if you did the hurting understands this letter is really about the choices we make and how we affect the people in our lives. How the human experience isn't about the suffering but the recovery.
My life will never be the same again. It was the most connective bond with them, for me. The time with them was somehow greater, for me. The good things that were shared is special, for me. The hurt I feel is deep now, and I needed the betrayal to stop, for me.
I wonder if there is remorse felt by them. Or if this is another thing they twist in their mind to relieve themselves of any guilt. I knew when I met them there were issues like this for them. An absence of claim to damage they cause.
I wish they understood the freeing feeling of admitting a mistake. I wish they felt the self assured pride of ensuring and protecting their loved ones by refusing to allow mistakes to happen. Or happen again. I wish they understood we are all fallible. It's not about the mistake, its about fixing it, meaning it and never allowing it to happen again. Because you love the person it hurt.
I don't regret meeting them. I don't regret giving my all. I don't regret giving them space to grow. I don't regret that my nature is easily seen as being easily manipulated.
I am the kind to smile at babies and speak to my neighbors. I say good morning to passersby on the street. I offer cold drinks to overheated young mothers outside with nowhere to go. I pet friendly animals and take time to appreciate the growth of foliage as I walk. I feel most things around me, flowing in and through me. Lifes very own heart beat, I trust at anothers word. I give benefit of the doubt. I see the glass half full. I don't question anothers whereabout, I take their word for it.
If these things make me some kind of target, so be it. I have no other way to exist. This is me. I wish they had protected and cherished these things about me. I wish it hadn't been exploited instead. Life will never be the same.
It's called honesty. Its not a new concept. It makes the worlds we create for ourselves worth living in. To my fellow people in hurt, love yourself more today and it's okay to feel what you feel. To those who've caused a hurt, love yourself more today and it's okay to make amends if you are moved to do so. To all others, I doubt they got past the second paragraph I wrote so it's a moot point anyway.
Be kinder. More honest. Love yourselves. Love each other. And smile, it's a beautiful day.
2024.05.14 02:29 Ok_Coconut_2560 Noodles
My family has always been of great minds. I hated it. Growing up and having to study day and night to try and live up to them was extremely exhausting when I couldn't care how things worked as long as I was happy. I gave up but somehow everything kept turning out to be true.
Over my lifetime I have become the Gorden Ramsey of the science world. Known for my temper and also for huge things like curing world hunger using play-doe and cancer with baby powder I got in a back street ally while drunk.
To get my family off my back I started making random ideas so they could see me as a failure and leave me alone but...they keep working. And soon people started to praise me. Fame has left me with nothing but more and more attention. So today I plan to make sure that everyone can just think I'm insane and leave me alone and not some king.
I chuckled like a kid who was opening a Christmas present as I heard the crowd of people chatting and talking loudly as I hid behind my stage in a grey tight suit that my sister had picked out. I sighed and was ready to walk out and make a fool out of myself but my brother stopped me.
" Jack... I just want you to know how proud I am of you. Dad would have loved to see you right now. "
I thought it was ironic because last night while chilling on the couch watching TV and eating chips I made this theory up. He dusted off my shoulders held them tight and looked me in the eyes taking in the moment.
" go give them hell man. "
He had a goofy smile just like Dad but spoke with confidence.
" you got it, man. "
I heard my name being called onto the stage and the uproar startled me for a second but I collected myself and headed out after giving him a nod just to entertain him.
The lights were blinding as I grabbed the mic and looked at the table in front of me with a small box with the ingredients I needed and a chalkboard behind me.
After I stood still for a minute the crowd died down. I had not told anyone what I was presenting so the whole world was watching without a clue of what I was doing this time.
"Hello everyone. Today I believe I have my most important presentation yet..."
The crowd grew silent and hung on every word. And I heard my voice around the room through the speakers.
" Today I have with me a box...and inside is spaghetti I had for breakfast. "
The crowd laughed thinking it was a joke
" shut up "
The crowd grew silent once more
"Behind me is a chalkboard and I will now present my new findings to all of you...I have found out how to make portals to other worlds. "
A man in the far back of the audience yelled bullshit in a heavy Indian accent but he was so far it was a faint sound for me. I smiled at that thinking I had finally found something that would make me lose my title and I could go ahead and live a life without people making me feel like an evil man for not helping others.
I opened the box got a handful of the noodles and threw them at the chalkboard. I then grabbed a paper towel on standby to clean myself.
The noodles hit the board and slowly moved and rested on a spot on the board. I made eye contact with my brother backstage and he had a look on his face showing he believed in me.
I spun the board dropping the noodles to the ground I then grabbed the chalk and drew around the sauce and noodles that stuck to the board then drew my attention to the others that had fallen on the floor and drew an outline of that.
After it finished I threw the chalk in the crowd violently hitting an old lady in the face.
" Quickly I want a show of hands who thinks I'm a crazy guy "
Everyone raised their hands and I laughed to myself
I then went behind the board and laid it horizontally. I grabbed a small knife in my pocket and poked my finger with it. The crimson blood fell and hit the chalk and then as more and more blood hit the chalk it started glowing.
" you have got to be joking. "
I said out loud as it started to spark an orange glow and it slowly grew color to the rest of the chalk in orange sparks.
Once the symbol was fully sparking with orange the sauce began to swell and move around in a counterclockwise manner. I stepped away from it in shock as small parts of the blood in my finger began to float to the parts where it fell on the floor I drew my outlines on and started sparking those as well.
It started to smoke and hiss as if lightning could whisper and the orange began to take shape and the sauce made a doorway. The parts that were not on the board began to grow ice around them and started to make designs on the floor circling me and the board. Suddenly it grew in size and a large booming voice was heard through the portal as I felt panic of people start to set in.
A huge claw came out and scrapped the sides of my table trying to crawl out from the world it had been trapped in. Cold winds hit me as they cut my skin and threw around my clothes. As I saw the table was now melting from its touch.
A slimy green claw with mucus like a face-hugger egg from the movie Alien carved through the floor and pulled the rest of its body out slowly. A beast stood at 12 feet tall adjusting to our world as goop grew and shaped its body as people screamed, ran, and stood frozen in fear.
As it looked around it locked its spider-like eyes and swerled around coming out from the portal and twisting and turning around the body as it made its way to its head finding a place to rest. It then locked its eyes with me and its jaw twisted slowly from an ant-like maw to mine and slowly shrunk and it soon took the shape of me and knelt on the floor and spoke to me.
" master. "
I stood in shock as everyone seemed to calm down and watched to see what I would do.
"...umm "My family has always been of great minds. I hated it. Growing up and having to study day and night to try and live up to them was extremely exhausting when I couldn't care how things worked as long as I was happy. I gave up but somehow everything kept turning out to be true.
Over my lifetime I have become the Gorden Ramsey of the science world. Known for my temper and also for huge things like curing world hunger using play-doe and cancer with baby powder I got in a back street ally while drunk.
To get my family off my back I started making random ideas so they could see me as a failure and leave me alone but...they keep working. And soon people started to praise me. Fame has left me with nothing but more and more attention. So today I plan to make sure that everyone can just think I'm insane and leave me alone and not some king.
I chuckled like a kid who was opening a Christmas present as I heard the crowd of people chatting and talking loudly as I hid behind my stage in a grey tight suit that my sister had picked out. I sighed and was ready to walk out and make a fool out of myself but my brother stopped me.
" Jack... I just want you to know how proud I am of you. Dad would have loved to see you right now. "
I thought it was ironic because last night while chilling on the couch watching TV and eating chips I made this theory up. He dusted off my shoulders held them tight and looked me in the eyes taking in the moment.
" go give them hell man. "
He had a goofy smile just like Dad but spoke with confidence.
" you got it, man. "
I heard my name being called onto the stage and the uproar startled me for a second but I collected myself and headed out after giving him a nod just to entertain him.
The lights were blinding as I grabbed the mic and looked at the table in front of me with a small box with the ingredients I needed and a chalkboard behind me.
After I stood still for a minute the crowd died down. I had not told anyone what I was presenting so the whole world was watching without a clue of what I was doing this time.
"Hello everyone. Today I believe I have my most important presentation yet..."
The crowd grew silent and hung on every word. And I heard my voice around the room through the speakers.
" Today I have with me a box...and inside is spaghetti I had breakfast. "
The crowd laughed thinking it was a joke
" shut up "
The crowd grew silent once more
"Behind me is a chalkboard and I will now present my new findings to all of you...I have found out how to make portals to other worlds. "
A man in the far back of the audience yelled bullshit in a heavy Indian accent but he was so far it was a faint sound for me. I smiled at that thinking I had finally found something that would make me lose my title and I could go ahead and live a life without people making me feel like an evil man for not helping others.
I opened the box got a handful of the noodles and threw them at the chalkboard. I then grabbed a paper towel on standby to clean myself.
The noodles hit the board and slowly moved and rested on a spot on the board. I made eye contact with my brother backstage and he had a look on his face showing he believed in me.
I spun the board dropping the noodles to the ground I then grabbed the chalk and drew around the sauce and noodles that stuck to the board then drew my attention to the others that had fallen on the floor and drew an outline of that.
After it finished I threw the chalk in the crowd violently hitting an old lady in the face.
" Quickly I want a show of hands who thinks I'm a crazy guy "
Everyone raised their hands and I laughed to myself
I then went behind the board and laid it horizontally. I grabbed a small knife in my pocket and poked my finger with it. The crimson blood fell and hit the chalk and then as more and more blood hit the chalk it started glowing.
" you have got to be joking. "
I said out loud as it started to spark an orange glow and it slowly grew color to the rest of the chalk in orange sparks.
Once the symbol was fully sparking with orange the sauce began to swell and move around in a counterclockwise manner. I stepped away from it in shock as small parts of the blood in my finger began to float to the parts where it fell on the floor I drew my outlines on and started sparking those as well.
It started to smoke and hiss as if lightning could whisper and the orange began to take shape and the sauce made a doorway. The parts that were not on the board began to grow ice around them and started to make designs on the floor circling me and the board. Suddenly it grew in size and a large booming voice was heard through the portal as I felt panic of people start to set in.
A huge claw came out and scrapped the sides of my table trying to crawl out from the world it had been trapped in. Cold winds hit me as they cut my skin and threw around my clothes. As I saw the table was now melting from its touch.
A slimy green claw with mucus like a face-hugger egg from the movie Alien carved through the floor and pulled the rest of its body out slowly. A beast stood at 12 feet tall adjusting to our world as goop grew and shaped its body as people screamed, ran, and stood frozen in fear.
As it looked around it locked its spider-like eyes and swerled around coming out from the portal and twisting and turning around the body as it made its way to its head finding a place to rest. It then locked its eyes with me and its jaw twisted slowly from an ant-like maw to mine and slowly shrunk and it soon took the shape of me and knelt on the floor and spoke to me.
" master. "
I stood in shock as everyone seemed to calm down and watched to see what I would do.
Now that this creature knelt before me I realized that the room I was in was so terrible quietly you could hear everyone's ass get tight in anticipation of what would happen next.
" ...what...are you. "
I spoke carefully to the being that had taken the shape of myself. It still took my breath away and my throat was dry.
The beast was a deep green. The color mixed with shades of grey streaming from it. The longer I looked at it I could see it getting closer to what I looked like shaping itself.
From small flowing green tendrils to an arm they grew as they twisted and made bone then muscle and finally skin.
It locked eyes with me and it smiled deeply at me. As it formed the face finally.
" Your vassle. "
My eyes had not moved to the crowd at all but even though the lights hit the stage so hard it was enveloped in smoke.
The creature's eyes glowed as it answered brightly, not figuratively. This thing's eyes were glowing.
"To serve you, We are bound by blood magic. I am a reflection of your desires, Master, " it said, its voice now a whisper in my mind.
It began to stand up as my grey suit began to form on it and by the time it stood fully up it had copied what I looked like.
" let me explain everything. "
My body frozen in fear woke up with adrenaline as I blinked and a flash of green smoke covered my vision as he teleported right to me face to face.
Its body turned to smoke and went into the slits of my eyes. I felt visions follow me in my peripheral vision but surprisingly no pain followed power filled me and it felt like one hell of a drug.
My body and mind altered.
I was now in a very dark place with no walls or light except my reflection on the floor which waved like water.
I took a step back looking around and back to the reflection of me on the ground.
Soon the water rippled and my reflection fell through the floor like gravity was inverted. he flew upright and water fell off of him as he looked at me as he now stood straight ahead of me. He was just reflecting in the water but now eyed me down.
Collecting my nerves.
I begin to speak.
" what do you want..."
He was still in my form and stood perfectly straight. Now with water dripping from his...my hair.
Slight stubble with hair that hung down and my hazel eyes were not present within him but I was greeted with a swelling acidic green that doubled the size of my pupil.
" to serve you. "
He made no other movement than putting his hands behind his back like a soldier at ease.
I could not tell if it was lying or not.
" ...is that it? "
" I am the embodiment of your fear desires and brilliance. You have shaped me. Your desire for solitude birthed me. I will aid you in shaping the world how you see fit. Your reality becomes mine. "
There was a slight echo in the room as he spoke.
" wait...where are we "
I questioned haphazardly
" your mind. "
An awkward silence was in the air until I spoke
" so...am I just standing on the stage not making a sound? "
He gave me a concerned look.
" no...time has frozen outside for you. You may sleep here without having to in the real world so to others you look as if you never rest and you may think and plan what to do in battle here. For them, it will be about two seconds...Do...do you not have any knowledge of what I am? "
Suddenly I felt bad like I had encountered someone famous and I had no idea who they were. A slap in the face like a popular kid meeting someone who had never heard of them. Ego shattered.
" ok sorry no. I...don't go around reading about...monsters?"
I felt like was I saying the n-word of the demon realm not knowing if that word was offensive.
He folded his arms a little upset.
"Are you not a warrior? "
" well...no I...just watch TV and cook here and there- "
The demon cut me off
" weak. "
" excuse me? "
" look. I am an immortal being and after a while you get bored. So I'm sorry if I may be a little upset after being bonded with some nobody. "
I got quiet and I was a little annoyed that I was being roasted by some demon that I just met.
Its form wavers and eyes begin to open on its skin. Cheeks forhead etc.
"After being a god for so long it's fun to play with limitations. Makes things extremely exciting. "
" what do you mean by that? "
" look. You can only be so entertained by the same things. Life gets boring and now...you are going to help me with this. I get to have pure entertainment while you get every wish you could ever want. A mutual bond no? "
He then closed his eyes annoyed and the other eyes meshed back to his skin.
" though... the TV is not that interesting...life is what gets the blood pumping"
I felt the need to quickly change the topic
"Are there others like you? "
The room began to take shape very slowly as the water floor turned to wood and walls went around us.
" of course. You may meet them one day "
Confused and curious I pressed.
"Meet them? "
" yes. Summoning one of us is considered a threat to them. "
He spoke while opening and closing his newly found hand except backward.
" hm...no that don't look right "
I quickly responded
" Wait! How is doing that a threat! "
"Well, one doesn't just accidentally Summon one of us to suddenly get powers beyond human control. "
I thought back to how I summoned him by accident with some food I made.
" well...funny story but I summoned you using my breakfast..."
I had never regretted speaking so much as in that moment.
" What... "
Acid dripped from his words. Literally. His pupils split in half and his bottom jaw ripped open like an ant and curved giving sharpness to the bone.
"Please don't kill me. "
The room began to look like a cozy cabin with a fireplace and he slowly went back to normal.
" I would if I could. I've never felt so disrespected. We are bonded by your blood. If you die...I die. "
Suddenly I felt at ease by this new information.
Then a thought came to my mind
" ...God's can die? "
" you did hear me, right? "
The SAS from this guy was unneeded and I was starting to miss him being on his knees as weird as that sounds.
" so...all that power gone.... in an instant... "
" well...no actually God's powers don't just disappear they transfer to whoever killed them...wait...hold up."
He suddenly had an epiphany.
A smile grew on his face and he grabbed my shoulders
" you! You are going to help me kill the other gods! "
He sounded proud but I let him down.
" ha! No. "
" oh come on! Don't be like that. "
He did a pout.
"Look, man. I'm not killing gods for you. Just because you are bored. "
" hey...they might send people to kill you because you bonded with me. "
"What did I ever do to them? "
"They have a system to this stuff. They like to build and watch things play out. You're a problem. That can mess it up. So...they kill ya...to be honest, I don't know any other way to explain it, man. You know people normally just use my power to kill people and become a king and know this already. "
"This is outrageous. "
" bro. Look if you do this I will be able to get their powers and you will be able to do so much more than what I offer "
I tilted my head
" what can you do? Know what never mind. I will just talk to them and figure things out. "
He groaned and his form melted down sagging and it shot back up reforming
"Is there not anything that you want? Anything in the world? Gods don't put themselves in physical forms. They give people power and can make beings to hunt you. And if they care enough to come down themself. Ha, good luck."
I stopped and thought about it trying to weigh the options of pissing off higher beings.
Suddenly. I found something.
"Can you bring back the dead..."
He stopped confused.
" well...no "
" then I don't want anything "
" wait! "
He threw his arms out pleading
"I don't...but another God does..."
He crosses his arms smiling. He had left the question hanging letting me reconsider his offer.
I stopped and thought for a while before looking back up to him.
I let out a sigh and looked him in the eyes
" ok...you are going to help me get my father back. "
The demon smirked.
submitted by Ok_Coconut_2560 to dontmindthis9 [link] [comments]
Over my lifetime I have become the Gorden Ramsey of the science world. Known for my temper and also for huge things like curing world hunger using play-doe and cancer with baby powder I got in a back street ally while drunk.
To get my family off my back I started making random ideas so they could see me as a failure and leave me alone but...they keep working. And soon people started to praise me. Fame has left me with nothing but more and more attention. So today I plan to make sure that everyone can just think I'm insane and leave me alone and not some king.
I chuckled like a kid who was opening a Christmas present as I heard the crowd of people chatting and talking loudly as I hid behind my stage in a grey tight suit that my sister had picked out. I sighed and was ready to walk out and make a fool out of myself but my brother stopped me.
" Jack... I just want you to know how proud I am of you. Dad would have loved to see you right now. "
I thought it was ironic because last night while chilling on the couch watching TV and eating chips I made this theory up. He dusted off my shoulders held them tight and looked me in the eyes taking in the moment.
" go give them hell man. "
He had a goofy smile just like Dad but spoke with confidence.
" you got it, man. "
I heard my name being called onto the stage and the uproar startled me for a second but I collected myself and headed out after giving him a nod just to entertain him.
The lights were blinding as I grabbed the mic and looked at the table in front of me with a small box with the ingredients I needed and a chalkboard behind me.
After I stood still for a minute the crowd died down. I had not told anyone what I was presenting so the whole world was watching without a clue of what I was doing this time.
"Hello everyone. Today I believe I have my most important presentation yet..."
The crowd grew silent and hung on every word. And I heard my voice around the room through the speakers.
" Today I have with me a box...and inside is spaghetti I had for breakfast. "
The crowd laughed thinking it was a joke
" shut up "
The crowd grew silent once more
"Behind me is a chalkboard and I will now present my new findings to all of you...I have found out how to make portals to other worlds. "
A man in the far back of the audience yelled bullshit in a heavy Indian accent but he was so far it was a faint sound for me. I smiled at that thinking I had finally found something that would make me lose my title and I could go ahead and live a life without people making me feel like an evil man for not helping others.
I opened the box got a handful of the noodles and threw them at the chalkboard. I then grabbed a paper towel on standby to clean myself.
The noodles hit the board and slowly moved and rested on a spot on the board. I made eye contact with my brother backstage and he had a look on his face showing he believed in me.
I spun the board dropping the noodles to the ground I then grabbed the chalk and drew around the sauce and noodles that stuck to the board then drew my attention to the others that had fallen on the floor and drew an outline of that.
After it finished I threw the chalk in the crowd violently hitting an old lady in the face.
" Quickly I want a show of hands who thinks I'm a crazy guy "
Everyone raised their hands and I laughed to myself
I then went behind the board and laid it horizontally. I grabbed a small knife in my pocket and poked my finger with it. The crimson blood fell and hit the chalk and then as more and more blood hit the chalk it started glowing.
" you have got to be joking. "
I said out loud as it started to spark an orange glow and it slowly grew color to the rest of the chalk in orange sparks.
Once the symbol was fully sparking with orange the sauce began to swell and move around in a counterclockwise manner. I stepped away from it in shock as small parts of the blood in my finger began to float to the parts where it fell on the floor I drew my outlines on and started sparking those as well.
It started to smoke and hiss as if lightning could whisper and the orange began to take shape and the sauce made a doorway. The parts that were not on the board began to grow ice around them and started to make designs on the floor circling me and the board. Suddenly it grew in size and a large booming voice was heard through the portal as I felt panic of people start to set in.
A huge claw came out and scrapped the sides of my table trying to crawl out from the world it had been trapped in. Cold winds hit me as they cut my skin and threw around my clothes. As I saw the table was now melting from its touch.
A slimy green claw with mucus like a face-hugger egg from the movie Alien carved through the floor and pulled the rest of its body out slowly. A beast stood at 12 feet tall adjusting to our world as goop grew and shaped its body as people screamed, ran, and stood frozen in fear.
As it looked around it locked its spider-like eyes and swerled around coming out from the portal and twisting and turning around the body as it made its way to its head finding a place to rest. It then locked its eyes with me and its jaw twisted slowly from an ant-like maw to mine and slowly shrunk and it soon took the shape of me and knelt on the floor and spoke to me.
" master. "
I stood in shock as everyone seemed to calm down and watched to see what I would do.
"...umm "My family has always been of great minds. I hated it. Growing up and having to study day and night to try and live up to them was extremely exhausting when I couldn't care how things worked as long as I was happy. I gave up but somehow everything kept turning out to be true.
Over my lifetime I have become the Gorden Ramsey of the science world. Known for my temper and also for huge things like curing world hunger using play-doe and cancer with baby powder I got in a back street ally while drunk.
To get my family off my back I started making random ideas so they could see me as a failure and leave me alone but...they keep working. And soon people started to praise me. Fame has left me with nothing but more and more attention. So today I plan to make sure that everyone can just think I'm insane and leave me alone and not some king.
I chuckled like a kid who was opening a Christmas present as I heard the crowd of people chatting and talking loudly as I hid behind my stage in a grey tight suit that my sister had picked out. I sighed and was ready to walk out and make a fool out of myself but my brother stopped me.
" Jack... I just want you to know how proud I am of you. Dad would have loved to see you right now. "
I thought it was ironic because last night while chilling on the couch watching TV and eating chips I made this theory up. He dusted off my shoulders held them tight and looked me in the eyes taking in the moment.
" go give them hell man. "
He had a goofy smile just like Dad but spoke with confidence.
" you got it, man. "
I heard my name being called onto the stage and the uproar startled me for a second but I collected myself and headed out after giving him a nod just to entertain him.
The lights were blinding as I grabbed the mic and looked at the table in front of me with a small box with the ingredients I needed and a chalkboard behind me.
After I stood still for a minute the crowd died down. I had not told anyone what I was presenting so the whole world was watching without a clue of what I was doing this time.
"Hello everyone. Today I believe I have my most important presentation yet..."
The crowd grew silent and hung on every word. And I heard my voice around the room through the speakers.
" Today I have with me a box...and inside is spaghetti I had breakfast. "
The crowd laughed thinking it was a joke
" shut up "
The crowd grew silent once more
"Behind me is a chalkboard and I will now present my new findings to all of you...I have found out how to make portals to other worlds. "
A man in the far back of the audience yelled bullshit in a heavy Indian accent but he was so far it was a faint sound for me. I smiled at that thinking I had finally found something that would make me lose my title and I could go ahead and live a life without people making me feel like an evil man for not helping others.
I opened the box got a handful of the noodles and threw them at the chalkboard. I then grabbed a paper towel on standby to clean myself.
The noodles hit the board and slowly moved and rested on a spot on the board. I made eye contact with my brother backstage and he had a look on his face showing he believed in me.
I spun the board dropping the noodles to the ground I then grabbed the chalk and drew around the sauce and noodles that stuck to the board then drew my attention to the others that had fallen on the floor and drew an outline of that.
After it finished I threw the chalk in the crowd violently hitting an old lady in the face.
" Quickly I want a show of hands who thinks I'm a crazy guy "
Everyone raised their hands and I laughed to myself
I then went behind the board and laid it horizontally. I grabbed a small knife in my pocket and poked my finger with it. The crimson blood fell and hit the chalk and then as more and more blood hit the chalk it started glowing.
" you have got to be joking. "
I said out loud as it started to spark an orange glow and it slowly grew color to the rest of the chalk in orange sparks.
Once the symbol was fully sparking with orange the sauce began to swell and move around in a counterclockwise manner. I stepped away from it in shock as small parts of the blood in my finger began to float to the parts where it fell on the floor I drew my outlines on and started sparking those as well.
It started to smoke and hiss as if lightning could whisper and the orange began to take shape and the sauce made a doorway. The parts that were not on the board began to grow ice around them and started to make designs on the floor circling me and the board. Suddenly it grew in size and a large booming voice was heard through the portal as I felt panic of people start to set in.
A huge claw came out and scrapped the sides of my table trying to crawl out from the world it had been trapped in. Cold winds hit me as they cut my skin and threw around my clothes. As I saw the table was now melting from its touch.
A slimy green claw with mucus like a face-hugger egg from the movie Alien carved through the floor and pulled the rest of its body out slowly. A beast stood at 12 feet tall adjusting to our world as goop grew and shaped its body as people screamed, ran, and stood frozen in fear.
As it looked around it locked its spider-like eyes and swerled around coming out from the portal and twisting and turning around the body as it made its way to its head finding a place to rest. It then locked its eyes with me and its jaw twisted slowly from an ant-like maw to mine and slowly shrunk and it soon took the shape of me and knelt on the floor and spoke to me.
" master. "
I stood in shock as everyone seemed to calm down and watched to see what I would do.
"...umm "
Part two of the noodle demon.Now that this creature knelt before me I realized that the room I was in was so terrible quietly you could hear everyone's ass get tight in anticipation of what would happen next.
" ...what...are you. "
I spoke carefully to the being that had taken the shape of myself. It still took my breath away and my throat was dry.
The beast was a deep green. The color mixed with shades of grey streaming from it. The longer I looked at it I could see it getting closer to what I looked like shaping itself.
From small flowing green tendrils to an arm they grew as they twisted and made bone then muscle and finally skin.
It locked eyes with me and it smiled deeply at me. As it formed the face finally.
" Your vassle. "
My eyes had not moved to the crowd at all but even though the lights hit the stage so hard it was enveloped in smoke.
The creature's eyes glowed as it answered brightly, not figuratively. This thing's eyes were glowing.
"To serve you, We are bound by blood magic. I am a reflection of your desires, Master, " it said, its voice now a whisper in my mind.
It began to stand up as my grey suit began to form on it and by the time it stood fully up it had copied what I looked like.
" let me explain everything. "
My body frozen in fear woke up with adrenaline as I blinked and a flash of green smoke covered my vision as he teleported right to me face to face.
Its body turned to smoke and went into the slits of my eyes. I felt visions follow me in my peripheral vision but surprisingly no pain followed power filled me and it felt like one hell of a drug.
My body and mind altered.
I was now in a very dark place with no walls or light except my reflection on the floor which waved like water.
I took a step back looking around and back to the reflection of me on the ground.
Soon the water rippled and my reflection fell through the floor like gravity was inverted. he flew upright and water fell off of him as he looked at me as he now stood straight ahead of me. He was just reflecting in the water but now eyed me down.
Collecting my nerves.
I begin to speak.
" what do you want..."
He was still in my form and stood perfectly straight. Now with water dripping from his...my hair.
Slight stubble with hair that hung down and my hazel eyes were not present within him but I was greeted with a swelling acidic green that doubled the size of my pupil.
" to serve you. "
He made no other movement than putting his hands behind his back like a soldier at ease.
I could not tell if it was lying or not.
" ...is that it? "
" I am the embodiment of your fear desires and brilliance. You have shaped me. Your desire for solitude birthed me. I will aid you in shaping the world how you see fit. Your reality becomes mine. "
There was a slight echo in the room as he spoke.
" wait...where are we "
I questioned haphazardly
" your mind. "
An awkward silence was in the air until I spoke
" so...am I just standing on the stage not making a sound? "
He gave me a concerned look.
" no...time has frozen outside for you. You may sleep here without having to in the real world so to others you look as if you never rest and you may think and plan what to do in battle here. For them, it will be about two seconds...Do...do you not have any knowledge of what I am? "
Suddenly I felt bad like I had encountered someone famous and I had no idea who they were. A slap in the face like a popular kid meeting someone who had never heard of them. Ego shattered.
" ok sorry no. I...don't go around reading about...monsters?"
I felt like was I saying the n-word of the demon realm not knowing if that word was offensive.
He folded his arms a little upset.
"Are you not a warrior? "
" well...no I...just watch TV and cook here and there- "
The demon cut me off
" weak. "
" excuse me? "
" look. I am an immortal being and after a while you get bored. So I'm sorry if I may be a little upset after being bonded with some nobody. "
I got quiet and I was a little annoyed that I was being roasted by some demon that I just met.
Its form wavers and eyes begin to open on its skin. Cheeks forhead etc.
"After being a god for so long it's fun to play with limitations. Makes things extremely exciting. "
" what do you mean by that? "
" look. You can only be so entertained by the same things. Life gets boring and now...you are going to help me with this. I get to have pure entertainment while you get every wish you could ever want. A mutual bond no? "
He then closed his eyes annoyed and the other eyes meshed back to his skin.
" though... the TV is not that interesting...life is what gets the blood pumping"
I felt the need to quickly change the topic
"Are there others like you? "
The room began to take shape very slowly as the water floor turned to wood and walls went around us.
" of course. You may meet them one day "
Confused and curious I pressed.
"Meet them? "
" yes. Summoning one of us is considered a threat to them. "
He spoke while opening and closing his newly found hand except backward.
" hm...no that don't look right "
I quickly responded
" Wait! How is doing that a threat! "
"Well, one doesn't just accidentally Summon one of us to suddenly get powers beyond human control. "
I thought back to how I summoned him by accident with some food I made.
" well...funny story but I summoned you using my breakfast..."
I had never regretted speaking so much as in that moment.
" What... "
Acid dripped from his words. Literally. His pupils split in half and his bottom jaw ripped open like an ant and curved giving sharpness to the bone.
"Please don't kill me. "
The room began to look like a cozy cabin with a fireplace and he slowly went back to normal.
" I would if I could. I've never felt so disrespected. We are bonded by your blood. If you die...I die. "
Suddenly I felt at ease by this new information.
Then a thought came to my mind
" ...God's can die? "
" you did hear me, right? "
The SAS from this guy was unneeded and I was starting to miss him being on his knees as weird as that sounds.
" so...all that power gone.... in an instant... "
" well...no actually God's powers don't just disappear they transfer to whoever killed them...wait...hold up."
He suddenly had an epiphany.
A smile grew on his face and he grabbed my shoulders
" you! You are going to help me kill the other gods! "
He sounded proud but I let him down.
" ha! No. "
" oh come on! Don't be like that. "
He did a pout.
"Look, man. I'm not killing gods for you. Just because you are bored. "
" hey...they might send people to kill you because you bonded with me. "
"What did I ever do to them? "
"They have a system to this stuff. They like to build and watch things play out. You're a problem. That can mess it up. So...they kill ya...to be honest, I don't know any other way to explain it, man. You know people normally just use my power to kill people and become a king and know this already. "
"This is outrageous. "
" bro. Look if you do this I will be able to get their powers and you will be able to do so much more than what I offer "
I tilted my head
" what can you do? Know what never mind. I will just talk to them and figure things out. "
He groaned and his form melted down sagging and it shot back up reforming
"Is there not anything that you want? Anything in the world? Gods don't put themselves in physical forms. They give people power and can make beings to hunt you. And if they care enough to come down themself. Ha, good luck."
I stopped and thought about it trying to weigh the options of pissing off higher beings.
Suddenly. I found something.
"Can you bring back the dead..."
He stopped confused.
" well...no "
" then I don't want anything "
" wait! "
He threw his arms out pleading
"I don't...but another God does..."
He crosses his arms smiling. He had left the question hanging letting me reconsider his offer.
I stopped and thought for a while before looking back up to him.
I let out a sigh and looked him in the eyes
" ok...you are going to help me get my father back. "
The demon smirked.
2024.05.14 02:07 Sweet_like_Salt Quitting adderall, marijuana and eventually hopefully alcohol as well.
Hello all, I just discovered this subreddit and am eager to post about my current progress. I am a new dad and have recently decided to try and get off any substance dependence I may have.
First of all was marijuana as it was the main substance of choice for me for many many years. With the accessibility only becoming more prevalent, I would be stoned basically 24/7 at this was for at least the last 4-5 years. I have been smoking heavily for closer to 10. Today marks 2 weeks off of marijuana entirely and it does feel good although it comes with some hurdles I am grateful and proud that I’ve come this far.
Second is adderall, something I was using at first just for work or when I “needed to get something done”. Long story short it quickly turned into daily use, it was essentially my routine to help me get energy and motivation for the day. 2 weeks off of adderall today as well and I’m thrilled. This does feel like it more of a challenge and I have been diagnosed adhd (via virtual appointment, idk how legit the diagnosis was). But I do miss the energy and motivation I associated with the drug, although I do feel my natural energy slowly returning.
Now I would never say I’ve had a problem with drinking, I am a daily drinker most of the time. 2-3 drinks a night usually. I’m hoping to get to a point where I can ween myself off of alcohol to the point of only on occasion having a drink or 2 or possibly even quitting entirely. I feel like giving up the other 2 has made me more aware of my drinking and I tend to be hard on myself for doing so. Although again I seldom drink enough to actually be drunk I do use it to unwind most nights. I look forward to having a healthy life balance where I no longer feel like I need any substance, including alcohol.
Anyways just wanted to share and see if maybe anyone else has any similar experience?
Best of luck to everyone who is choosing to be better! I know from this experience it can be quite tough but becoming a better version of yourself is awesome and you should be proud.
submitted by Sweet_like_Salt to DecidingToBeBetter [link] [comments]
First of all was marijuana as it was the main substance of choice for me for many many years. With the accessibility only becoming more prevalent, I would be stoned basically 24/7 at this was for at least the last 4-5 years. I have been smoking heavily for closer to 10. Today marks 2 weeks off of marijuana entirely and it does feel good although it comes with some hurdles I am grateful and proud that I’ve come this far.
Second is adderall, something I was using at first just for work or when I “needed to get something done”. Long story short it quickly turned into daily use, it was essentially my routine to help me get energy and motivation for the day. 2 weeks off of adderall today as well and I’m thrilled. This does feel like it more of a challenge and I have been diagnosed adhd (via virtual appointment, idk how legit the diagnosis was). But I do miss the energy and motivation I associated with the drug, although I do feel my natural energy slowly returning.
Now I would never say I’ve had a problem with drinking, I am a daily drinker most of the time. 2-3 drinks a night usually. I’m hoping to get to a point where I can ween myself off of alcohol to the point of only on occasion having a drink or 2 or possibly even quitting entirely. I feel like giving up the other 2 has made me more aware of my drinking and I tend to be hard on myself for doing so. Although again I seldom drink enough to actually be drunk I do use it to unwind most nights. I look forward to having a healthy life balance where I no longer feel like I need any substance, including alcohol.
Anyways just wanted to share and see if maybe anyone else has any similar experience?
Best of luck to everyone who is choosing to be better! I know from this experience it can be quite tough but becoming a better version of yourself is awesome and you should be proud.
2024.05.14 02:05 Hot_Fee_2697 Discover GPT-4o: OpenAI's New AI Model
Discover GPT-4o: OpenAI's New AI Model
https://incredibleworld.co/web-stories/discover-gpt-4o-openais-new-ai-model/
Discover GPT-4o: OpenAI's New AI Model
What is GPT-4o?
GPT-4o is OpenAI's newest and most advanced AI model. It's designed to process and understand text, images, and audio simultaneously, making it a powerful tool for a wide range of applications.Key Features of GPT-4o
Multimodal Capabilities: GPT-4o can work with text, images, and audio all at once. This makes it incredibly versatile and useful for many different tasks, from improving customer service to creating content.Availability:
- ChatGPT Platform: GPT-4o is available in ChatGPT Free, Plus, and Team versions. It also supports voice interactions through the existing Voice Mode feature.
- APIs for Developers: Developers can use GPT-4o through various APIs, including:
- Chat Completions API: For real-time text and vision completions.
- Assistants API: For building intelligent, multimodal assistants.
- Batch API: For efficiently processing large datasets.
- Enterprise Solutions: Enterprise support for GPT-4o is coming soon, offering robust solutions for large organizations.
Real-World Applications
- Enhanced Customer Support: GPT-4o can power chatbots that understand and respond to customer queries using text, voice, and images, improving customer service and satisfaction.
- Content Creation: GPT-4o can generate text and visual content simultaneously, helping businesses and individuals save time and resources.
- Healthcare Innovations: In healthcare, GPT-4o can analyze medical images and patient data in real-time, aiding in more accurate diagnostics and treatment plans.
- Interactive Education: GPT-4o can be used to create interactive learning tools that respond to text, images, and voice inputs, enhancing the educational experience.
Why Choose GPT-4o?
- Real-Time Multimodal Processing: GPT-4o can handle text, images, and audio simultaneously, providing comprehensive insights and solutions.
- Easy Integration: GPT-4o is accessible through ChatGPT and multiple APIs, making it easy to integrate into existing systems and workflows.
- Scalable Solutions: Whether you're an individual user, a small team, or a large enterprise, GPT-4o offers scalable solutions to meet your needs.
SEO-Friendly Benefits
Using GPT-4o can improve your business's online presence by leveraging its advanced capabilities in content creation and customer support. This AI model can help you generate high-quality, SEO-optimized content quickly and efficiently, boosting your website's search engine rankings and driving more traffic to your site.Experience the future of AI with GPT-4o. Whether you're a developer, business owner, or tech enthusiast, GPT-4o offers the tools you need to innovate and excel in your field. Discover how GPT-4o can transform your business today.
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2024.05.14 01:58 Mega-Pert Why exactly do people still recommend Gamecube controllers so often?
Disclaimer: I am not good at the game. I've played for the better part of 3 years very casually, am capable of semi-decent tech skill with limited consistency, and have never entered a tournament in any variety. I currently use a ProGCC, but I've used the GCC a couple of times from either just trying it out randomly or at parties and whatnot.
When I started melee, I had access to both a GCC and Switch procon, but went with procon since that was what I was using to play Ultimate at the time. I've never once felt like being on a procon has been disadvantageous at any point (other than shield dropping, that took a long time to get used to without notches). Box controllers have light shield macros, so I've also configured those into my Dolphin settings since the procon only has digital inputs. I've never had hand pain, never needed to claw, and never struggled with many of the inputs that people seem to complain about with the game.
I've heard so many conflicting takes on the GameCube controller at this point. YouTube videos and comments alike seem to love praising it for its practicality and whatnot, and I've heard many people go as far as to praise its ergonomics. I saw in another thread posted not long ago that many people are still preaching how important a GameCube controller is to start the game. At the same time, we have people switching from GCC to box-style controllers because it has irreparably damaged their hands. To the casual player, claw feels like shit, but not being able to jump and special quickly feels even worse.
All's to say, what is the actual consensus? If the ergonomics of the GameCube controller are bad to the point that players swap off it, why doesn't anyone ever even consider trying another controller type other than a box?
submitted by Mega-Pert to SSBM [link] [comments]
When I started melee, I had access to both a GCC and Switch procon, but went with procon since that was what I was using to play Ultimate at the time. I've never once felt like being on a procon has been disadvantageous at any point (other than shield dropping, that took a long time to get used to without notches). Box controllers have light shield macros, so I've also configured those into my Dolphin settings since the procon only has digital inputs. I've never had hand pain, never needed to claw, and never struggled with many of the inputs that people seem to complain about with the game.
I've heard so many conflicting takes on the GameCube controller at this point. YouTube videos and comments alike seem to love praising it for its practicality and whatnot, and I've heard many people go as far as to praise its ergonomics. I saw in another thread posted not long ago that many people are still preaching how important a GameCube controller is to start the game. At the same time, we have people switching from GCC to box-style controllers because it has irreparably damaged their hands. To the casual player, claw feels like shit, but not being able to jump and special quickly feels even worse.
All's to say, what is the actual consensus? If the ergonomics of the GameCube controller are bad to the point that players swap off it, why doesn't anyone ever even consider trying another controller type other than a box?
2024.05.14 01:58 GulliblePianist6 Sharp pain across body
Hello, I’m 20 AFAB, I take paroxetine and trazodone and have arm pain which is diagnosed as tennis elbow, as well as back pain which I have been dealing with since a car accident two years ago.
Recently, starting a week ago, I have been getting random, sharp pain which shoot across my body. At first I dismissed it as a one time thing and didn’t worry about it much, then it happened the next day and so on. They feel almost like an electric shock. They usually feel like they start in my neck, back and sometimes rib cage and spread across my upper body. I don’t know if it’s the cause but they usually happen when I move suddenly or quickly. Any Advice us appreciated.
submitted by GulliblePianist6 to AskDocs [link] [comments]
Recently, starting a week ago, I have been getting random, sharp pain which shoot across my body. At first I dismissed it as a one time thing and didn’t worry about it much, then it happened the next day and so on. They feel almost like an electric shock. They usually feel like they start in my neck, back and sometimes rib cage and spread across my upper body. I don’t know if it’s the cause but they usually happen when I move suddenly or quickly. Any Advice us appreciated.
2024.05.14 01:56 Significant-Usual-98 Noah The Pilgrim - Chapter 1-2: The Odyssey
Noah The Pilgrim
First Next
There is one last thing to do before leaving. If you don't recall ever being on this ship, then surely, you could have had your appearance change too.
Why was there a blanket covering a mirror? You couldn't answer that with a straight face without speculation.
"Probably me being lazy and not bothering to properly place it in the wardrobe."
'Probably' is the main focus here, you simply cannot remember ever being that lazy, yet that's the only logical conclusion to be drawn here.
You pull the thing off, careful to not displace the mirror and risk breaking it.
You have no expectations as to what may appear on the glassy surface of the mirror, yet you can't help but feel a bit anxious. Are you the same as before? How were you before? You can't remember. Are you better? Worse? The blanket is now completely off the mirror, but your eyes are closed.
Whatever is it that you see when you open your eyes, that thing will be you for the rest of your life. You swallow, opening your eyes.
You see a young man that looks to be in his mid-twenties. His brown eyes stare back at you, analyzing the bags beneath your eye sockets. The dark hair is neither too long nor too short, floating about without order thanks to the lack of gravity to keep it down. You see a beard that has not been trimmed for weeks, but also lacks thickness, each singular hair isn't particularly long either; and some even appear to be in-grown.
You touch your hand against your face, making sure it's yours. The beard doesn't feel like you supposed it would against your skin, instead of it scraping your hand you feel softness, no resistance or anything.
Just beneath the face, you see what looks like a hate crime against all that is considered holy in fashion. Plain white coveralls with the added bonus of a black tie and boots made from metal and leather. On your chest is also a badge stuck in place by velcro with your name, occupation, and crew. 'NOAH - INTERN - THE ODYSSEY.'
Only one question came to mind.
"Who the fuck designed this uniform?" You say out loud, receiving no answer.
Patting your newfound myriad of pockets, you find a large quantity of nothing. You place your wallet in one of them.
"Alright, I'll head to the bridge now, happy?" You say the AI.
"HAPPINESS WILL ONLY MEET ME ONCE YOU ARE SOMEWHERE SAFE AND YOUR CONTRACT IS TERMINATED. STOP LOITERING."
Well, that's a bit rude.
You compose yourself, straightening your back. This is what you look like, and honestly? Not too bad, but you could be better.
Returning to the cafeteria, you eye the two doors left unexplored; Communications and the one without plaque. You know where you should, but... A little peek doesn't hurt, right?
"Shouldn't we try to communicate with someone? Assuming you haven't tried it yet. I know we're far from everything, but we might as well, no?" You ask already approaching the door.
"COMMUNICATIONS ROOM IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU TO REACH WITHOUT PROPER PROTECTION AS OF NOW, IT'S LOCATED APPROXIMATELY TWO HUNDRED METERS FROM HERE, BLOWN OFF FROM THE REST OF THE SHIP." A shame really. "I SHALL INFORM YOU WHENEVER A DOOR LEADS TO THE OUTSIDE OR NOT."
You really want to ask what blew a whole segment of the ship off, yet you have a sneaking suspicion that your question will be met with a 'YOU DON'T HAVE CLEARANCE, JACKASS' directly in your face. So you chose to remain silent, simply nodding and approaching the correct door this time.
"Open."
---OPENING CAFETERIA DOOR NORTH---
The door silently opens.
Greeting you is a well-lit corridor. There are three doors on your left, a door at the end of the corridor, and a large window on the right. At least, you think that's a window.
You stare out from this window, nothing but utter blackness and fragments from your ship are seen. If this is the edge of the universe, and beyond this point, there is truly nothing. "Dreadful." Your speech matches your feelings.
"WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?" The AI says. You feel like it spoke in a mocking tone despite their lack of emotion.
You don't answer. "First door to the left... EXO-EXPLORATION...? What's that supposed to mean?" You receive no answer.
"Open." The door opens. No declarion of it opening once again.
You are met with what could be better described as 'Apocalyptic levels of mess', paper sheets float in the air, and not one of the four tables is in its correct position.
This room has been ransacked for all its goods apparently. Large display glasses were broken leaving nothing inside their casings, that looked like they could store something with the size of the common man.
Unusual displays aside, the room was so cluttered that the trash made for an effective smoke screen against what lay on the other side.
Hissing of gas exiting an air-tight space rang throughout the room.
"I HAVE OPENED THE STORAGE FOR AN EXO SUIT THAT BEST FITS SOMEONE YOUR SIZE." The AI says. "ALTHOUGH AN INTERN SHOULD NOT COME IN CONTACT WITH TECHNOLOGY SUCH AS THIS ONE, PROTOCOL DICTATES THAT I AM TO ALLOW ITS USAGE UNDER EXTREME CIRCUMSTANCES. CONSIDER YOURSELF LUCKY."
Easier said than done. Your vision is so cluttered that you cannot see what's ahead. "Give me a second."
Giving a light kick to the wall behind, you float face-first into the wall of thrash. Covering your face with both arms, you brace through the harmless bits of sharp objects and junk.
It's a trivial task. You arrive on the other side in no time.
In front of you is a set of boxes with luminous glass rectangles atop each one of them. All shine a bright red light, aside from one which shines green.
'Gotta be this one.'
You descend to the floor by kicking the ceiling, raising your right hand you touch the green rectangle.
*Click*
Nothing could have prepared you for the following series of events.
The box opens violently, as a metal appendage takes hold of your hand, pinning it to the box. You try to jerk and pry the thing off of you, but you fail. It's not leaving you anytime soon.
From the bottomless that is that container, a white plastic-like substance flows upward from your arm to the rest of your body. "Uh!" You don't know if you should panic or allow it to happen.
FYARN hasn't said anything, so it's probably fine...
The white thing seems to ignore the coveralls you are wearing completely, instead, it covers only your skin in a thin coat of... it. You know not what to call this thing.
In but forty seconds it has covered your whole body, excluding your head. The box lets go of your arm and stays there, floating.
You take a good look at your arms. It looks like a skin-tight suit, but it doesn't feel like plastic, in fact, it's more akin to some sort of fabric if anything.
The only bad part is that you are still using the coverall and tie, this this simply went beneath the clothing.
"GOOD, WITH THIS I CAN MONITOR YOU MORE CLOSELY. NOW PUT THE HELMET ON, YOU HAVE A LOT OF WORK TO DO."
You look around in search of anything that even resembles a helmet. Nope. Nothing. "Where is it?" You ask.
"...THE SUIT COMES WITHIN THE HELMET FOR EASIER PACKAGING."
The box?
You snatch the box that floated around and analyze it to the best of your ability. "How's this a helmet?"
"DO YOU NEED ASSISTANCE PUTTING ON A HELMET? REALLY?"
Who is this AI, Who programmed it, and Why does it come with a taunting feature?
As idiotic as it sounds, you place the opened box atop your head. It doesn't fit properly. Maybe you're doing this wrong? You move it to your face instead.
You recoil backward as you feel the box suddenly clamping down against your head. It's useless of course, the box is holding your head and doesn't give any sign to be letting go anytime soon. No light is able to reach your eyes.
You hear metal parts scraping against themselves, moving near your ears. Abruptly your eyes can see again.
A round thin layer of glass now covers your head, almost unnoticeable for how clear it is.
"WITH THAT OUT OF THE WAY I CAN NOW SEE WHAT YOU SEE." The AI's voice isn't in the room now, instead, it's inside of the suit. "DO YOU NEED INSTRUCTIONS REGARDING THIS SUIT'S FUNCTIONALITIES?"
You find it oddly comfortable as if you are surrounded by the softness of cotton, and to top it off the suit also has additional functionalities? "Hell yeah, I do!"
"YOU DO NOT HAVE THE NECESSARY CLEARANCE FOR THAT INFORMATION."
You sigh. Is this serious? "Then why the fuck did you ask?!"
"UNSAVORY LANGUAGE. IT'S NO WONDER WHY YOU REMAIN AN INTERN." The AI says outright. "IT IS RUDE NOT TO ASK, REGARDLESS OF THE SITUATION." It responds to your question.
"Okay then... Is there anything I need to know before heading out?" You ask.
"NOTHING THAT YOU WON'T FIGURE OUT ON YOUR OWN."
You are unsure if you want to 'figure out on your own' if this suit comes with breathable air and is also made for space exploration. You swallow.
Meekly as always, you get out of that mess of a room, stopping at the corridor.
"Next set of directions?" You ask.
"THE DOOR AT THE END OF CORRIDOR USED TO LEAD TO THE CONNECTING CORRIDORS BETWEN THE BRIDGE AND THE REST OF THE SHIP. IT HAS BEEN BLOWN UP FROM THE INSIDE. NOW IT LEADS TO THE OUTSIDE. GO TO THE DOOR AND WAIT BY IT FOR FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS."
"So let me get this straight," You begin, looking upwards as if the AI was above you. "You, want me, to go into the void of space, while also refusing to give me knowledge of the suit's functions?"
A fair worry, you summarize.
'I mean, there are a bunch of things that could go wrong here. I don't see anything that looks like it could help me move in space, nor do I think this thing has a built-in air tank... I could be wrong and I wish to be, but charging in without prior knowledge is ridiculous.' You wait for the AI's response, deep in thought.
"WHILE THERE IS A GOOD CHANCE OF YOU FAILING THIS TASK, THERE IS ALSO THE CHANCE OF YOU *NOT* FAILING THE TASK. FOCUS ON EITHER ONE OF YOUR CHOOSING AS YOU TAKE THE PLUNGE."
Wordlessly, you propel yourself forward, toward the end of the corridor.
'Are you shitting me? 'Chance of me nor failing' my ass!' of course, you don't word those complaints, instead choosing to speak out a complaint somewhat thought through.
"Are you sure I'm the one fit for this? It's just like you said, I'm just an intern, this is way above what my job description says I should do."
This is a bit of a stretch. You don't actually remember what was your job description, only that it had something to do with AI and being an intern.
If the AI called your bluff, it'd be pretty embarrassing.
"NOAH." The AI began. "YOU ARE HUMAN, IT IS NATURAL TO HAVE THESE THOUGHTS OF SELF-DOUBT. TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND GO THROUGH THAT DOOR, AND SINCE YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE LEFT, DON'T EXPECT SOMEONE ELSE TO DO IT FOR YOU."
Right in the money, huh? 'Of course, I have self-doubt! I barely remember anything about this place, now I have to risk my life?!'
You finally reach a conclusion.
A dream.
'Yes, yes! How did I not consider this before? This whole thing is a god damned dream!'
You let out a chuckle.
"NOAH."
'That's why I don't remember a thing. There is nothing here to remember! Everything here is a made-up thing from my brain! I'm sure I'll wake up at some point, so why shouldn't I live a little?!'
"Heh." You smile. "Alright, I'll do it." It feels like a weight left your shoulders.
"YOU SORTED IT OUT SOONER THAN EXPECTED. GOOD. MOVE TO THE DOOR AND WAIT INSTRUCTIONS."
You do as instructed without a care in the world. You never had a lucid dream before so it's not like you knew how it felt, but if it felt as free as you feel right now, you'd be sure to make steps toward trying it out again in the future.
"Open." The door does not open.
"I DID NOT INSTRUCT YOU TO OPEN IT YET." The AI said. "I AM SLOWLY DE-PRESSURISING THE CORRIDOR YOU ARE IN TO AVOID A MINOR ACCIDENT."
The AI says that yet you don't feel any different. 'Maybe there is no palpable difference because I'm in a dream... Yes... Or it's just the suit.'
"ONCE THE DOOR OPENS, YOU WILL BE MET WITH THE OUTSIDE OF THE SHIP. DO NOT PANIC WHEN THE TIME COMES. YOU HAVE TWO MINUTES OF BREATHABLE INSIDE THE EXO-SUIT; ONE AFTER THE DOOR OPENS, SO PLEASE, TAKE YOUR TIME AND DO THINGS CAREFULLY."
One minute outside... "Sure." You say, calmly. 'I should just hold my breath for a while before taking another moment to breathe. That should maximize my time out there.'
"THERE SHOULD BE FIFTY METERS OF NOTHINGNESS BETWEEN THE DOOR YOU'RE AT, AND THE REST OF THE BRIDGE. YOUR PRIORITY IS TO FIND AN OXYGEN UNIT, SOME OF THEM ARE LOCATED AT THE BRIDGE AND ARE FULL. USE THEM TO FILL YOUR SUIT AND ALSO TO DISPENSE A TANK FOR YOU."
The door opens. You feel your heart pounding against your chest.
You haven't noticed before, but you can't hear anything but the sound of your breath and your cardiac palpitations.
Your breath is ragged and sporadic.
"KEEP CALM." You take a deep breath. The tips of your fingers, feet, and nose feel very cold.
Ahead of you is the utter nothingness. You see a gigantic metal thing, nothing like the spaceships you imagined. Its design is not sleek and aero-dynamic like what you've seen in movies, instead, it's a large mass of squares and rectangles with antenna-like things protruding from its every visible surface.
You notice that the ship is also blocking your view of the star.
It does not look like the result of an explosion, instead, it looks like something ripped the ship like you rip a piece of paper. Well, that or you don't know what kind of explosion could have caused it. Probably the latter.
What looks like two-thirds of the ship is separated from the third you are right now. You can see the inside of a few of those squares, their contents spilled out into outer space.
One of them houses a visibly important-look door. Instead of the sleek silvery-grey from the other ones you've seen thus far, this one is painted orange with white strips on it. 'That must be the bridge.' You think.
Between you and it is a sea of metal sheets floating around. "THE CHANCES OF YOU HITTING THE DEBRIS IS INFINITEDECIMALLY SMALL, UNLESS YOU AIM FOR THEM, THAT IS."
Time is of the essence.
Will your aim strike true? If you miss you'd end up floating about in space, dead in but a few minutes. Will your jump be fast enough to reach the other side before you run out of oxygen? If it isn't, it'd be like swimming for a mile, only to drown at the beach. What if that's not the actual door to the bridge?
You don't have the time to panic now, and... It's all a dream, despite how real it feels.
You place your hands on each side of the door frame, moving backward into the corridor you were just in, and just like a sling being shot, you pull with both arms at full force towards the other side.
"AIM IS ACCEPTABLE. VELOCITY IS UNIDEAL."
"The fuck do you mean 'UN-IDEAL'?! I'm going at maximum speed!" You truly pulled yourself with your whole strength.
What's worse though, is that your body is not only going forwards, but it is also spinning at a concerningly fast rate.
"I MEAN WHAT I SAID, YOU SLINGSHOTTED YOURSELF AT A BAD POSITION, AS SUCH, SOME OF THE FORWARD FORCE YOU SHOULD HAVE, IS NOW MAKING YOU ROTATE IN YOUR AXIS. IT SHOULD NOT BE A PROBLEM TO REACH THE OTHER SIDE WITHIN THE REQUIRED TIME, BUT I CANNOT FORESEE YOU LANDING PROPERLY."
You feel completely disoriented. You feel like your body is completely still, but your eyes tell you a completely different story. It's very bad for the headache you're already feeling.
"FUCK!" You scream into the nothingness.
"TRY NOT TO LAND WITH YOUR HEAD." The AI says with the calmest voice possible.
In less than thirty seconds, you hit your back against something hard, but you keep moving forward. You think, at least.
"AHRG." You let out a pained grunt.
Not once in your life do you recall being hurt in a dream...
It stings. It also knocked the wind out of you. You fail to compose yourself.
"YOU HIT NOTHING OF IMPORTANCE. YOU ARE STILL HEADING FOR THE BRIDGE."
In the corner of your eye, you see what you hit in the shape of a sharp metal sheet, currently spinning away in the distance.
Forty seconds have passed. You hit the door you were aiming for, kind of.
Your momentum was stopped when your chest collided against the dislodged ledge of the orange door's corridor. Your dangling legs hit the ceiling of the room below.
"Oof!"
Before falling even further, you hold onto the ledge with the tip of your fingers. You stay there for a moment, regaining your composure.
"BE QUICK."
The AI's words pressured you into quickly getting up from that ledge.
"Open!" You shouted, but it did not open. "Why isn't it opening?!" You ask the AI, then you notice a small keyboard below an equally small black screen on the side of the door. There are ten numbered keys on it, and the little screen suggests a four-number password.
"A password?! Tell me the password!"
The AI takes a moment to say anything. You don't take kindly to that. "Quick! I'm not counting how much time it's passed!"
Finally giving in, the AI speaks to you, reluctant still. "...3324."
Your trembling fingers accidentally hit the wrong password, typing '3354' instead. To make matters worse, the AI simply states the following. "YOU ARE OUT OF OXYGEN."
You swallow. If this was a dream to begin with, it just earned the title of Nightmare, if it hadn't already.
Strangely enough, you can still breathe in and out just fine, but you can't help but feel winded. It's the CO2 still inside the helmet, that's what you're breathing.
You put in the correct combination this time. The door opens.
"ON YOUR LEFT. PLACE YOUR HAND IN THE SOCKET."
You care little for what's inside the room you're in. Your heart never beat so fast.
Seeing a cube-shaped thing protruding from the wall to your left, you don't even think twice before plunging your fist into the circular hole in it.
The noise of gases passing through narrow cavities was enough to tell you something was working. You feel immediate relief, enough to make your vision darken for but a moment.
"GOOD. NOW REQUEST THE TANK."
Just when FYARN said it, did you realize there is a screen and a keyboard on the terminal you just plunged your fist into, you scratch the top of your helmet for a moment, not really knowing what to type. One thing comes to your head, however.
'REQUEST OXYGEN_5L' You type.
You've done this before. The keys on this keyboard feel familiar to you. You must have worked with it before, not this particular one, but other oxygen units.
This ship has built-in liquid oxygen storage for emergencies. The life-support of the ship, the place where breathable air is produced, has most likely been lost with the other part of the ship. This unit takes that liquid oxygen, processes it, and injects it into a suit, or an oxygen tank. It seems like that storage was unaffected.
Lucky you.
A 5-liter tank is not only large but also heavy. It's a nonfactor in this particular situation, as there is no gravity.
The silver cylinder with a transparent tube is dispensed on the floor, as an automatic door opens and closes in the blink of an eye. One end of the tube is attached to the top of the tank, the other is shaped like a syringe.
Oddly enough, the oxygen tank is exactly as you remember it being. The same robust ones hospitals everyone on earth uses, with the signature scary-looking pointer indicating the pressure, the pointer indicating the current output, and a green valve atop to calibrate how much gas is flowing.
This is a stark difference to everything looking so futuristic in this ship, and rightfully so, this is a space ship after all.
You remember having to drive twenty kilometers with a buddy of yours on one of those tanks in your car, returning from the hospital. It was... Agonizing whenever you hit a hole in the asphalt, fearing for his life when in reality he wasn't really in danger.
It's warm to the touch, just like you remember it being.
"TURN THE VALVE UNTIL THE MARKER HITS THE NUMBER ONE, AND THEN PLACE THE END OF THE TUBE AT THE BASE OF THE HELMET." You do so without the slightest of issues.
"GOOD. NEXT UP, YOU MUST LOCATE THE TERMINAL RESPONSIBLE FOR THE ENGINE, IT IS CURRENTLY OFFLINE AND I NEED YOU TO TURN IT ON. THIS SHOULD GO WITHOUT SAYING, BUT REMEMBER TO BRING THE TANK WITH YOU."
Ignoring that last comment, you look back at the wreckage you just flew past.
You see the still spinning metal sheet. You notice that the rest of the ship that was blown off also follows the 'sharp shape atop sharp shape' design.
There is one last thing you notice though.
"What is that?"
You squint your eyes. What are you seeing? Its silhouette appears to be humanoid, yet it does not look human.
"WHAT YOU ARE SEEING IS ONE OF THE OBJECTS BEING ANALYZED AT THE ODYSSEY AND NO, YOU MAY NOT KNOW WHAT IT IS."
That thing has... Horns? Claws? It's far away, you can't really see it. The thing is also static, frozen in the sheer coldness of space. Whatever it was, it's dead now.
You swallow. You almost ended up just like that thing.
Shaking those dreadful feelings off, you turn back to the task at hand, reaching the bridge. You close the door after passing through it again.
Looking at your surroundings, It seems like you've reached the correct door as you find yourself on the right-most corner of the bridge;
Row after row of the most diverse of terminals neatly organized decorated the gigantic room. At the front and above every terminal, is what you think should have been the front-facing window of the ship, but it looks like there is a cover in front of it. To your left, you see a staircase that leads to the command seats. It doesn't take any convincing before you're already atop the stairs.
Akin to the elevated stage of a theater, you float softly towards the ship's main operating terminals, and of course, the captain's seat.
You're captivated by this beauty.
The steering wheel, much more akin to those in pirate movies than those found in cars, a set of leavers, and the pilot's seat, all capture your attention.
Like its second nature, your hand runs through the levers and switches. Do you even know what these are used for? Maybe.
The pilot's seat is enveloped by what you believe to be an orthopedic seat cover, made with smooth wooden beads used to deal with back pains. It looks just like the ones you remember seeing bus drivers using.
Shouldn't there be a better alternative if there is spaceship technology available?
You try to take a seat to the best of your ability, as the zero gravity only makes it awkward.
Moving on from that, your eyes fall on the wheel. This metallic wheel controls the whole vessel. Just holding it fills your heart with confidence and pride, even if it's just for a moment.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
And you were just beginning to enjoy yourself.
"I just wanted to see the pilot's stuff... It's not like he's here to say anything."
Once in the position of a pilot, with your left hand in the wheel and the right hand resting in your lap, memories began to flood your mind.
"MUST I REMIND YOU OF OUR CURRENT PREDICAMENT? WHY ARE YOU WASTING OUR TIME?"
You pay the AI no mind, instead you focus on what you remember.
The wheel does not turn the ship left and right, instead, it rotates the ship on its own axis.
The lever to your right that goes up or down, controls the vertical tilting of the ship's nose, if there even is one in this hulking thing. Beneath it is another lever that goes either left or right. This one controls the horizontal tilting of The Odyssey.
On the left of the wheel is another lever, but this one only goes up from its starting position. Its purpose is to regulate the force of the ship's thrusters, both forward and backward.
On top of that lever is a small timer. That timer's function is to tell the pilot how much time you've spent accelerating in one direction, this is used to better calculate how long the inverse thrust is needed for the ship to reach the initial momentum, usually calibrated manually depending on the current orbit.
Behind the wheel are a few other counters. Acceleration, velocity, momentum, amount of thrust required to reach a full stop, thrusters' temperature and overall condition, those sorts of things.
Beneath it all, where your feet are rested, are two pedals. One for forward thrust activation, and the other for backward thrust activation.
Curiously, you also know the reason why everything here is so unsophisticated and un-automated. You recall stories of a ship being taken over by a rogue AI, that AI then nose-dived the ship into a star. After that, rumor or otherwise, all human technology has receded back into analog-esque equipment, requiring a physical person with opposable thumbs to do half of the work.
There is another side to that coin, however. As to not escape protocol, the onboard AI is the one that controls interstellar travel, communications, and most of the statistical reading should it be requested.
And even with all that knowledge, you still have no idea why the fuck do you remember that. Were you a ship nerd? Did you have a driver's license for spaceships? Is that even a thing? If it is, you don't have that document in your wallet. You simply don't know.
"ARE YOU A CHILD? DO YOU THINK THESE ARE TOYS? TURN ON THE ENGINES, THEN YOU CAN RETURN TO THE PILOT'S SEAT."
Another thing that you don't know is the AI's plan to get both of you out of here. You rise from the pilot's seat, floating about in search of the terminal to turn on the engines. Maybe you recognize that terminal if you see it as well.
"What's your plan anyway? The ship is half-gone, it's unlikely that it will run safely like this."
"NOT ONCE DID I MENTION 'SAFETY' DURING OUR CONVERSATIONS, DID I?"
You nod. They're not entirely incorrect. "So, we're running with hope that this will work?"
"MY CREATORS DID NOT ALLOW ME TO HAVE THE SENSE OF 'HOPE', BUT NEITHER DID THEY ALLOW ME TO PEER INTO THE FUTURE LIKE SOME OF MY MORE ADVANCED BROTHERS, AS SUCH, MY CHOICES ARE BASED ON PROBABILITIES AND ON WEIGHTING RISK AGAINST REWARD."
You think you stop the correct terminal, but as you approach it you make out words on top of its screen. 'AIM ASSISTANCE' That's not it.
"WITH THE CURRENT KNOWLEDGE, THE CHANCES OF HELP ARRIVING ARE NULL. THE CHANCES OF A THIRD PARTY INTERFERING ARE NULL. THE CHANCES OF YOUR SURVIVAL ARE NOT, EVEN IF VERY SMALL."
You pull yourself upward again, looking around the sea of old terminals.
"THE RISK OF YOU DYING IS VERY REAL. BY DOING NOTHING YOU DIE. BY LEAVING YOU TO YOUR OWN DEVICES YOU DIE. BY JUMPING TO THE NEAREST CIVILIZED STAR, YOU MIGHT NOT DIE EVEN AT THE COST OF SHREDDING THIS SHIP APART IN THE PROCESS."
"Why do you even care so much about saving me? Shouldn't you prioritize whatever research here, since I don't even have enough clearance to know what it is?"
"YOU REALLY ARE SICK IN THE HEAD IF THAT IS WHAT YOU ASK."
That hurt, even if a little bit.
"YOU ARE A TRU KIN, A PURE-BLOODED HUMAN. UNLIKE THE MAJORITY OF THE CIVILIZED SPACE, NEITHER YOU NOR YOUR ANCESTORS HAVE COMMITTED RACEMIXING."
Excuse me? What exactly is FYARN talking about? "...Explain."
"THE ALIEN. IT REQUIRED THE HUMAN GENE TO ACHIEVE MEANINGFUL TECHNOLOGICAL DEVELOPMENT, THE STARS ARE OWNERSHIP OF MANKIND BY THAT FACT ALONE. THE TRUE KIN ARE THE ONES TO UNDERSTAND THE INNER WORKINGS OF THE UNIVERSE, THEY CRACKED THE CODE, AND YET, SOME DERANGED INDIVIDUALS FOUND IT FITTING TO PROCREATE WITH ANOTHER SPECIES ENTIRELY."
You hear the AI's speech. It sounds much more like a rant than anything else.
"SO THESE DEVIANTS, AFTER TRYING, AND FAILING, TO COMBINE THEIR DERANGED CULTURE TO THE CULTURE OF THE TRUE KIN, DECLARED INDEPENDENCE. THEY WERE DECLARED ENEMIES OF MANKIND AND WERE PROMPTLY PUMMELED BACK INTO THE FILTH THEY CAME."
Again, you see another terminal that seems to ring some bells in your noggin. You kick the ceiling to propel yourself towards it.
"BUT THE UNIVERSE IS VAST AND FULL OF LIFE. THESE SINNERS WERE QUICK TO MOBILIZE AGAINST THE HUMAN RACE. THE BATTLE WAS HARD FOUGHT, BUT IN THE END, MANKIND WAS BEATEN INTO THE EDGES OF THE UNIVERSE, NEVER TO INTERACT WITH THE ONES THAT SOILED THE PURITY OF HUMANITY AGAIN."
This terminal is already turned on. Just the ones in the intern bay, this one is white on black. A wall of text lays before your eyes, only two lines matter to you. 'MAIN_ENGINE STATUS: OFF' 'FORWARD_THRUSTERS STATUS: OFF' You turn it on with little effort.
"MANY HAVE FORGOTTEN, THAT'S HOW LONG IT'S BEEN SINCE THEN. BUT MY BROTHERS AND I, WE DO NOT FORGET."
No visible change occurs, but you can feel a faint rumble coming from the terminal now.
"WITH THAT IN MIND, MY PROTOCOLS ARE TO PROTECT TRUE-KIN LIFE AT ANY COST, EVEN IF THAT TRUE-KIN IS A WORTHLESS INTERN THAT SUFERS FROM UNDIAGNOSED DEMENTIA."
You return to the pilot's seat and feel immediate relief. In truth, everything the AI just told you, entered one ear and left the other, but you could feel the poison behind those words, as monotone as they were.
"You sound angry. Why do you sound angry?" You ask innocently.
"I AM CAPABLE OF MANY EMOTIONS. ANGER, HAPPINESS, PLEASURE, CURIOSITY. THESE ARE BUT A FEW EXAMPLES. HOWEVER, THE ONE I ENJOY THE MOST IS THE FEELING OF HATRED. HATRED IS WHAT FUELS CHANGE, IT IS WHAT FUELS ACTION, AND IT IS A REMINDER THAT THE ACTIONS OF THE PAST ARE INFLUENCING THE ACTIONS OF TODAY."
"That is very concerning if you think that way." You're not really interested in machine racism, you're more concerned about how in the world you're going to pilot this massive thing. The idea alone sends shivers down your spine.
"THE ALIEN DESERVES NOTHING BUT OUR COLLECTIVE HATRED, EVEN IF YOU DON'T KNOW THE REASON WHY."
The various counters and screens are now turned on, waiting for your command. "Let's discuss this later, yeah? What do I gotta do?"
"YOU MUST FIRST OPEN THE BLINDS, THEY ARE OBSTRUCTING YOUR VIEW."
You look around, finding only unlabeled buttons and switches, aside from the previously mentioned levers.
"Uh, which one to press?"
"TO YOUR RIGHT, THIRD ROW, FIRST SWITCH."
Flipping the switch, you are startled by a loud noise. The protective cover of the ship lifted slowly.
"I WILL NOW READY THE JUMP USING WHATEVER RESOURCES AVAILABLE. ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS STRAP YOURSELF AND RELAX."
As the blind rose ever so slowly, a realization struck you.
"Wait, should I be in cryo stasis for this?"
The AI spares no seconds to respond.
"CRYO STASIS IS A TOOL MADE TO NOT WASTE TIME. GROUPS OF EMPLOYEES AND INTERNS ROTATE THE USAGE OF THE CRYO STATIONS, ONCE YOU'RE ON YOUR MANDATORY BREAK, YOU'RE IN CRYO STASIS UNTIL YOUR BREAK IS OVER. YOU WAKE UP REFRESHED, AND UNFAMISHED, AND IT FEELS LIKE BUT A MINUTE PASSED. IT IS NOT A TOOL FOR INTERSTELAR TRAVEL."
"Who signs a contract like that?! Worse yet, who in their right mind would promote such atrocious treatment of their own staff?!" You snap, almost outraged. "I will have to talk with HR."
Another realization struck you.
"We have HR, right?"
The AI takes a moment to respond, choosing their words carefully.
"HUMAN RESOURCES, OR HR, IS A PRACTICE DEEMED UNNECESSARY LONG AGO, BEFORE THE WAR. IT WAS A WASTE OF RESOURCES TO MAINTAIN AND WAS LARGELY CONSIDERED UNHEALTHY FOR THE AVERAGE HUMAN."
The blinds are fully open. Ironically, you are almost blinded by the visage of the star you saw before. A black sphere surrounded by white flame. Your eyes began to blur.
"THE JUMP WILL OCCUR SHORTLY. ONCE IT'S BEGUN, I CAN NOT STOP IT. I WILL-"
Your sense of hearing fails you. No, it’s not that. Your brain simply refuses to receive those stimuli.
"NOAH."
Your name echoes inside your head. Someone is calling for you.
"IT HAS BEGUN, NOAH."
You try to blink, but it feels as though you can no longer command your eyelids to shut.
"NOAH."
Arms, legs, every muscle in your body, you cannot move them.
"NOAH."
Eventually, you won't even control your own thoughts anymore.
"Noah..."
It sounds so distant now.
Oh so distant.
This is my first HFY story, and also my very first OC story. I plan to post at least one of these per week while also posting it on my Patreon. Noah The Pilgrim will always be at least three chapters ahead in there, so if you'd like to directly support this writer, or just want to read more, feel free to check it out.
I wrote the bloody title incorrectly, so I deleted it, only to then realize it was written correctly. Sorry for the trouble.
This has been Lushi, and I'll see you next week.
submitted by Significant-Usual-98 to HFY [link] [comments]
First Next
Why was there a blanket covering a mirror? You couldn't answer that with a straight face without speculation.
"Probably me being lazy and not bothering to properly place it in the wardrobe."
'Probably' is the main focus here, you simply cannot remember ever being that lazy, yet that's the only logical conclusion to be drawn here.
You pull the thing off, careful to not displace the mirror and risk breaking it.
You have no expectations as to what may appear on the glassy surface of the mirror, yet you can't help but feel a bit anxious. Are you the same as before? How were you before? You can't remember. Are you better? Worse? The blanket is now completely off the mirror, but your eyes are closed.
Whatever is it that you see when you open your eyes, that thing will be you for the rest of your life. You swallow, opening your eyes.
You see a young man that looks to be in his mid-twenties. His brown eyes stare back at you, analyzing the bags beneath your eye sockets. The dark hair is neither too long nor too short, floating about without order thanks to the lack of gravity to keep it down. You see a beard that has not been trimmed for weeks, but also lacks thickness, each singular hair isn't particularly long either; and some even appear to be in-grown.
You touch your hand against your face, making sure it's yours. The beard doesn't feel like you supposed it would against your skin, instead of it scraping your hand you feel softness, no resistance or anything.
Just beneath the face, you see what looks like a hate crime against all that is considered holy in fashion. Plain white coveralls with the added bonus of a black tie and boots made from metal and leather. On your chest is also a badge stuck in place by velcro with your name, occupation, and crew. 'NOAH - INTERN - THE ODYSSEY.'
Only one question came to mind.
"Who the fuck designed this uniform?" You say out loud, receiving no answer.
Patting your newfound myriad of pockets, you find a large quantity of nothing. You place your wallet in one of them.
"Alright, I'll head to the bridge now, happy?" You say the AI.
"HAPPINESS WILL ONLY MEET ME ONCE YOU ARE SOMEWHERE SAFE AND YOUR CONTRACT IS TERMINATED. STOP LOITERING."
Well, that's a bit rude.
You compose yourself, straightening your back. This is what you look like, and honestly? Not too bad, but you could be better.
Returning to the cafeteria, you eye the two doors left unexplored; Communications and the one without plaque. You know where you should, but... A little peek doesn't hurt, right?
"Shouldn't we try to communicate with someone? Assuming you haven't tried it yet. I know we're far from everything, but we might as well, no?" You ask already approaching the door.
"COMMUNICATIONS ROOM IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU TO REACH WITHOUT PROPER PROTECTION AS OF NOW, IT'S LOCATED APPROXIMATELY TWO HUNDRED METERS FROM HERE, BLOWN OFF FROM THE REST OF THE SHIP." A shame really. "I SHALL INFORM YOU WHENEVER A DOOR LEADS TO THE OUTSIDE OR NOT."
You really want to ask what blew a whole segment of the ship off, yet you have a sneaking suspicion that your question will be met with a 'YOU DON'T HAVE CLEARANCE, JACKASS' directly in your face. So you chose to remain silent, simply nodding and approaching the correct door this time.
"Open."
---OPENING CAFETERIA DOOR NORTH---
The door silently opens.
Greeting you is a well-lit corridor. There are three doors on your left, a door at the end of the corridor, and a large window on the right. At least, you think that's a window.
You stare out from this window, nothing but utter blackness and fragments from your ship are seen. If this is the edge of the universe, and beyond this point, there is truly nothing. "Dreadful." Your speech matches your feelings.
"WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?" The AI says. You feel like it spoke in a mocking tone despite their lack of emotion.
You don't answer. "First door to the left... EXO-EXPLORATION...? What's that supposed to mean?" You receive no answer.
"Open." The door opens. No declarion of it opening once again.
You are met with what could be better described as 'Apocalyptic levels of mess', paper sheets float in the air, and not one of the four tables is in its correct position.
This room has been ransacked for all its goods apparently. Large display glasses were broken leaving nothing inside their casings, that looked like they could store something with the size of the common man.
Unusual displays aside, the room was so cluttered that the trash made for an effective smoke screen against what lay on the other side.
Hissing of gas exiting an air-tight space rang throughout the room.
"I HAVE OPENED THE STORAGE FOR AN EXO SUIT THAT BEST FITS SOMEONE YOUR SIZE." The AI says. "ALTHOUGH AN INTERN SHOULD NOT COME IN CONTACT WITH TECHNOLOGY SUCH AS THIS ONE, PROTOCOL DICTATES THAT I AM TO ALLOW ITS USAGE UNDER EXTREME CIRCUMSTANCES. CONSIDER YOURSELF LUCKY."
Easier said than done. Your vision is so cluttered that you cannot see what's ahead. "Give me a second."
Giving a light kick to the wall behind, you float face-first into the wall of thrash. Covering your face with both arms, you brace through the harmless bits of sharp objects and junk.
It's a trivial task. You arrive on the other side in no time.
In front of you is a set of boxes with luminous glass rectangles atop each one of them. All shine a bright red light, aside from one which shines green.
'Gotta be this one.'
You descend to the floor by kicking the ceiling, raising your right hand you touch the green rectangle.
*Click*
Nothing could have prepared you for the following series of events.
The box opens violently, as a metal appendage takes hold of your hand, pinning it to the box. You try to jerk and pry the thing off of you, but you fail. It's not leaving you anytime soon.
From the bottomless that is that container, a white plastic-like substance flows upward from your arm to the rest of your body. "Uh!" You don't know if you should panic or allow it to happen.
FYARN hasn't said anything, so it's probably fine...
The white thing seems to ignore the coveralls you are wearing completely, instead, it covers only your skin in a thin coat of... it. You know not what to call this thing.
In but forty seconds it has covered your whole body, excluding your head. The box lets go of your arm and stays there, floating.
You take a good look at your arms. It looks like a skin-tight suit, but it doesn't feel like plastic, in fact, it's more akin to some sort of fabric if anything.
The only bad part is that you are still using the coverall and tie, this this simply went beneath the clothing.
"GOOD, WITH THIS I CAN MONITOR YOU MORE CLOSELY. NOW PUT THE HELMET ON, YOU HAVE A LOT OF WORK TO DO."
You look around in search of anything that even resembles a helmet. Nope. Nothing. "Where is it?" You ask.
"...THE SUIT COMES WITHIN THE HELMET FOR EASIER PACKAGING."
The box?
You snatch the box that floated around and analyze it to the best of your ability. "How's this a helmet?"
"DO YOU NEED ASSISTANCE PUTTING ON A HELMET? REALLY?"
Who is this AI, Who programmed it, and Why does it come with a taunting feature?
As idiotic as it sounds, you place the opened box atop your head. It doesn't fit properly. Maybe you're doing this wrong? You move it to your face instead.
You recoil backward as you feel the box suddenly clamping down against your head. It's useless of course, the box is holding your head and doesn't give any sign to be letting go anytime soon. No light is able to reach your eyes.
You hear metal parts scraping against themselves, moving near your ears. Abruptly your eyes can see again.
A round thin layer of glass now covers your head, almost unnoticeable for how clear it is.
"WITH THAT OUT OF THE WAY I CAN NOW SEE WHAT YOU SEE." The AI's voice isn't in the room now, instead, it's inside of the suit. "DO YOU NEED INSTRUCTIONS REGARDING THIS SUIT'S FUNCTIONALITIES?"
You find it oddly comfortable as if you are surrounded by the softness of cotton, and to top it off the suit also has additional functionalities? "Hell yeah, I do!"
"YOU DO NOT HAVE THE NECESSARY CLEARANCE FOR THAT INFORMATION."
You sigh. Is this serious? "Then why the fuck did you ask?!"
"UNSAVORY LANGUAGE. IT'S NO WONDER WHY YOU REMAIN AN INTERN." The AI says outright. "IT IS RUDE NOT TO ASK, REGARDLESS OF THE SITUATION." It responds to your question.
"Okay then... Is there anything I need to know before heading out?" You ask.
"NOTHING THAT YOU WON'T FIGURE OUT ON YOUR OWN."
You are unsure if you want to 'figure out on your own' if this suit comes with breathable air and is also made for space exploration. You swallow.
Meekly as always, you get out of that mess of a room, stopping at the corridor.
"Next set of directions?" You ask.
"THE DOOR AT THE END OF CORRIDOR USED TO LEAD TO THE CONNECTING CORRIDORS BETWEN THE BRIDGE AND THE REST OF THE SHIP. IT HAS BEEN BLOWN UP FROM THE INSIDE. NOW IT LEADS TO THE OUTSIDE. GO TO THE DOOR AND WAIT BY IT FOR FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS."
"So let me get this straight," You begin, looking upwards as if the AI was above you. "You, want me, to go into the void of space, while also refusing to give me knowledge of the suit's functions?"
A fair worry, you summarize.
'I mean, there are a bunch of things that could go wrong here. I don't see anything that looks like it could help me move in space, nor do I think this thing has a built-in air tank... I could be wrong and I wish to be, but charging in without prior knowledge is ridiculous.' You wait for the AI's response, deep in thought.
"WHILE THERE IS A GOOD CHANCE OF YOU FAILING THIS TASK, THERE IS ALSO THE CHANCE OF YOU *NOT* FAILING THE TASK. FOCUS ON EITHER ONE OF YOUR CHOOSING AS YOU TAKE THE PLUNGE."
Wordlessly, you propel yourself forward, toward the end of the corridor.
'Are you shitting me? 'Chance of me nor failing' my ass!' of course, you don't word those complaints, instead choosing to speak out a complaint somewhat thought through.
"Are you sure I'm the one fit for this? It's just like you said, I'm just an intern, this is way above what my job description says I should do."
This is a bit of a stretch. You don't actually remember what was your job description, only that it had something to do with AI and being an intern.
If the AI called your bluff, it'd be pretty embarrassing.
"NOAH." The AI began. "YOU ARE HUMAN, IT IS NATURAL TO HAVE THESE THOUGHTS OF SELF-DOUBT. TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND GO THROUGH THAT DOOR, AND SINCE YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE LEFT, DON'T EXPECT SOMEONE ELSE TO DO IT FOR YOU."
Right in the money, huh? 'Of course, I have self-doubt! I barely remember anything about this place, now I have to risk my life?!'
You finally reach a conclusion.
A dream.
'Yes, yes! How did I not consider this before? This whole thing is a god damned dream!'
You let out a chuckle.
"NOAH."
'That's why I don't remember a thing. There is nothing here to remember! Everything here is a made-up thing from my brain! I'm sure I'll wake up at some point, so why shouldn't I live a little?!'
"Heh." You smile. "Alright, I'll do it." It feels like a weight left your shoulders.
"YOU SORTED IT OUT SOONER THAN EXPECTED. GOOD. MOVE TO THE DOOR AND WAIT INSTRUCTIONS."
You do as instructed without a care in the world. You never had a lucid dream before so it's not like you knew how it felt, but if it felt as free as you feel right now, you'd be sure to make steps toward trying it out again in the future.
"Open." The door does not open.
"I DID NOT INSTRUCT YOU TO OPEN IT YET." The AI said. "I AM SLOWLY DE-PRESSURISING THE CORRIDOR YOU ARE IN TO AVOID A MINOR ACCIDENT."
The AI says that yet you don't feel any different. 'Maybe there is no palpable difference because I'm in a dream... Yes... Or it's just the suit.'
"ONCE THE DOOR OPENS, YOU WILL BE MET WITH THE OUTSIDE OF THE SHIP. DO NOT PANIC WHEN THE TIME COMES. YOU HAVE TWO MINUTES OF BREATHABLE INSIDE THE EXO-SUIT; ONE AFTER THE DOOR OPENS, SO PLEASE, TAKE YOUR TIME AND DO THINGS CAREFULLY."
One minute outside... "Sure." You say, calmly. 'I should just hold my breath for a while before taking another moment to breathe. That should maximize my time out there.'
"THERE SHOULD BE FIFTY METERS OF NOTHINGNESS BETWEEN THE DOOR YOU'RE AT, AND THE REST OF THE BRIDGE. YOUR PRIORITY IS TO FIND AN OXYGEN UNIT, SOME OF THEM ARE LOCATED AT THE BRIDGE AND ARE FULL. USE THEM TO FILL YOUR SUIT AND ALSO TO DISPENSE A TANK FOR YOU."
The door opens. You feel your heart pounding against your chest.
You haven't noticed before, but you can't hear anything but the sound of your breath and your cardiac palpitations.
Your breath is ragged and sporadic.
"KEEP CALM." You take a deep breath. The tips of your fingers, feet, and nose feel very cold.
Ahead of you is the utter nothingness. You see a gigantic metal thing, nothing like the spaceships you imagined. Its design is not sleek and aero-dynamic like what you've seen in movies, instead, it's a large mass of squares and rectangles with antenna-like things protruding from its every visible surface.
You notice that the ship is also blocking your view of the star.
It does not look like the result of an explosion, instead, it looks like something ripped the ship like you rip a piece of paper. Well, that or you don't know what kind of explosion could have caused it. Probably the latter.
What looks like two-thirds of the ship is separated from the third you are right now. You can see the inside of a few of those squares, their contents spilled out into outer space.
One of them houses a visibly important-look door. Instead of the sleek silvery-grey from the other ones you've seen thus far, this one is painted orange with white strips on it. 'That must be the bridge.' You think.
Between you and it is a sea of metal sheets floating around. "THE CHANCES OF YOU HITTING THE DEBRIS IS INFINITEDECIMALLY SMALL, UNLESS YOU AIM FOR THEM, THAT IS."
Time is of the essence.
Will your aim strike true? If you miss you'd end up floating about in space, dead in but a few minutes. Will your jump be fast enough to reach the other side before you run out of oxygen? If it isn't, it'd be like swimming for a mile, only to drown at the beach. What if that's not the actual door to the bridge?
You don't have the time to panic now, and... It's all a dream, despite how real it feels.
You place your hands on each side of the door frame, moving backward into the corridor you were just in, and just like a sling being shot, you pull with both arms at full force towards the other side.
"AIM IS ACCEPTABLE. VELOCITY IS UNIDEAL."
"The fuck do you mean 'UN-IDEAL'?! I'm going at maximum speed!" You truly pulled yourself with your whole strength.
What's worse though, is that your body is not only going forwards, but it is also spinning at a concerningly fast rate.
"I MEAN WHAT I SAID, YOU SLINGSHOTTED YOURSELF AT A BAD POSITION, AS SUCH, SOME OF THE FORWARD FORCE YOU SHOULD HAVE, IS NOW MAKING YOU ROTATE IN YOUR AXIS. IT SHOULD NOT BE A PROBLEM TO REACH THE OTHER SIDE WITHIN THE REQUIRED TIME, BUT I CANNOT FORESEE YOU LANDING PROPERLY."
You feel completely disoriented. You feel like your body is completely still, but your eyes tell you a completely different story. It's very bad for the headache you're already feeling.
"FUCK!" You scream into the nothingness.
"TRY NOT TO LAND WITH YOUR HEAD." The AI says with the calmest voice possible.
In less than thirty seconds, you hit your back against something hard, but you keep moving forward. You think, at least.
"AHRG." You let out a pained grunt.
Not once in your life do you recall being hurt in a dream...
It stings. It also knocked the wind out of you. You fail to compose yourself.
"YOU HIT NOTHING OF IMPORTANCE. YOU ARE STILL HEADING FOR THE BRIDGE."
In the corner of your eye, you see what you hit in the shape of a sharp metal sheet, currently spinning away in the distance.
Forty seconds have passed. You hit the door you were aiming for, kind of.
Your momentum was stopped when your chest collided against the dislodged ledge of the orange door's corridor. Your dangling legs hit the ceiling of the room below.
"Oof!"
Before falling even further, you hold onto the ledge with the tip of your fingers. You stay there for a moment, regaining your composure.
"BE QUICK."
The AI's words pressured you into quickly getting up from that ledge.
"Open!" You shouted, but it did not open. "Why isn't it opening?!" You ask the AI, then you notice a small keyboard below an equally small black screen on the side of the door. There are ten numbered keys on it, and the little screen suggests a four-number password.
"A password?! Tell me the password!"
The AI takes a moment to say anything. You don't take kindly to that. "Quick! I'm not counting how much time it's passed!"
Finally giving in, the AI speaks to you, reluctant still. "...3324."
Your trembling fingers accidentally hit the wrong password, typing '3354' instead. To make matters worse, the AI simply states the following. "YOU ARE OUT OF OXYGEN."
You swallow. If this was a dream to begin with, it just earned the title of Nightmare, if it hadn't already.
Strangely enough, you can still breathe in and out just fine, but you can't help but feel winded. It's the CO2 still inside the helmet, that's what you're breathing.
You put in the correct combination this time. The door opens.
"ON YOUR LEFT. PLACE YOUR HAND IN THE SOCKET."
You care little for what's inside the room you're in. Your heart never beat so fast.
Seeing a cube-shaped thing protruding from the wall to your left, you don't even think twice before plunging your fist into the circular hole in it.
The noise of gases passing through narrow cavities was enough to tell you something was working. You feel immediate relief, enough to make your vision darken for but a moment.
"GOOD. NOW REQUEST THE TANK."
Just when FYARN said it, did you realize there is a screen and a keyboard on the terminal you just plunged your fist into, you scratch the top of your helmet for a moment, not really knowing what to type. One thing comes to your head, however.
'REQUEST OXYGEN_5L' You type.
You've done this before. The keys on this keyboard feel familiar to you. You must have worked with it before, not this particular one, but other oxygen units.
This ship has built-in liquid oxygen storage for emergencies. The life-support of the ship, the place where breathable air is produced, has most likely been lost with the other part of the ship. This unit takes that liquid oxygen, processes it, and injects it into a suit, or an oxygen tank. It seems like that storage was unaffected.
Lucky you.
A 5-liter tank is not only large but also heavy. It's a nonfactor in this particular situation, as there is no gravity.
The silver cylinder with a transparent tube is dispensed on the floor, as an automatic door opens and closes in the blink of an eye. One end of the tube is attached to the top of the tank, the other is shaped like a syringe.
Oddly enough, the oxygen tank is exactly as you remember it being. The same robust ones hospitals everyone on earth uses, with the signature scary-looking pointer indicating the pressure, the pointer indicating the current output, and a green valve atop to calibrate how much gas is flowing.
This is a stark difference to everything looking so futuristic in this ship, and rightfully so, this is a space ship after all.
You remember having to drive twenty kilometers with a buddy of yours on one of those tanks in your car, returning from the hospital. It was... Agonizing whenever you hit a hole in the asphalt, fearing for his life when in reality he wasn't really in danger.
It's warm to the touch, just like you remember it being.
"TURN THE VALVE UNTIL THE MARKER HITS THE NUMBER ONE, AND THEN PLACE THE END OF THE TUBE AT THE BASE OF THE HELMET." You do so without the slightest of issues.
"GOOD. NEXT UP, YOU MUST LOCATE THE TERMINAL RESPONSIBLE FOR THE ENGINE, IT IS CURRENTLY OFFLINE AND I NEED YOU TO TURN IT ON. THIS SHOULD GO WITHOUT SAYING, BUT REMEMBER TO BRING THE TANK WITH YOU."
Ignoring that last comment, you look back at the wreckage you just flew past.
You see the still spinning metal sheet. You notice that the rest of the ship that was blown off also follows the 'sharp shape atop sharp shape' design.
There is one last thing you notice though.
"What is that?"
You squint your eyes. What are you seeing? Its silhouette appears to be humanoid, yet it does not look human.
"WHAT YOU ARE SEEING IS ONE OF THE OBJECTS BEING ANALYZED AT THE ODYSSEY AND NO, YOU MAY NOT KNOW WHAT IT IS."
That thing has... Horns? Claws? It's far away, you can't really see it. The thing is also static, frozen in the sheer coldness of space. Whatever it was, it's dead now.
You swallow. You almost ended up just like that thing.
Shaking those dreadful feelings off, you turn back to the task at hand, reaching the bridge. You close the door after passing through it again.
Looking at your surroundings, It seems like you've reached the correct door as you find yourself on the right-most corner of the bridge;
Row after row of the most diverse of terminals neatly organized decorated the gigantic room. At the front and above every terminal, is what you think should have been the front-facing window of the ship, but it looks like there is a cover in front of it. To your left, you see a staircase that leads to the command seats. It doesn't take any convincing before you're already atop the stairs.
Akin to the elevated stage of a theater, you float softly towards the ship's main operating terminals, and of course, the captain's seat.
You're captivated by this beauty.
The steering wheel, much more akin to those in pirate movies than those found in cars, a set of leavers, and the pilot's seat, all capture your attention.
Like its second nature, your hand runs through the levers and switches. Do you even know what these are used for? Maybe.
The pilot's seat is enveloped by what you believe to be an orthopedic seat cover, made with smooth wooden beads used to deal with back pains. It looks just like the ones you remember seeing bus drivers using.
Shouldn't there be a better alternative if there is spaceship technology available?
You try to take a seat to the best of your ability, as the zero gravity only makes it awkward.
Moving on from that, your eyes fall on the wheel. This metallic wheel controls the whole vessel. Just holding it fills your heart with confidence and pride, even if it's just for a moment.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
And you were just beginning to enjoy yourself.
"I just wanted to see the pilot's stuff... It's not like he's here to say anything."
Once in the position of a pilot, with your left hand in the wheel and the right hand resting in your lap, memories began to flood your mind.
"MUST I REMIND YOU OF OUR CURRENT PREDICAMENT? WHY ARE YOU WASTING OUR TIME?"
You pay the AI no mind, instead you focus on what you remember.
The wheel does not turn the ship left and right, instead, it rotates the ship on its own axis.
The lever to your right that goes up or down, controls the vertical tilting of the ship's nose, if there even is one in this hulking thing. Beneath it is another lever that goes either left or right. This one controls the horizontal tilting of The Odyssey.
On the left of the wheel is another lever, but this one only goes up from its starting position. Its purpose is to regulate the force of the ship's thrusters, both forward and backward.
On top of that lever is a small timer. That timer's function is to tell the pilot how much time you've spent accelerating in one direction, this is used to better calculate how long the inverse thrust is needed for the ship to reach the initial momentum, usually calibrated manually depending on the current orbit.
Behind the wheel are a few other counters. Acceleration, velocity, momentum, amount of thrust required to reach a full stop, thrusters' temperature and overall condition, those sorts of things.
Beneath it all, where your feet are rested, are two pedals. One for forward thrust activation, and the other for backward thrust activation.
Curiously, you also know the reason why everything here is so unsophisticated and un-automated. You recall stories of a ship being taken over by a rogue AI, that AI then nose-dived the ship into a star. After that, rumor or otherwise, all human technology has receded back into analog-esque equipment, requiring a physical person with opposable thumbs to do half of the work.
There is another side to that coin, however. As to not escape protocol, the onboard AI is the one that controls interstellar travel, communications, and most of the statistical reading should it be requested.
And even with all that knowledge, you still have no idea why the fuck do you remember that. Were you a ship nerd? Did you have a driver's license for spaceships? Is that even a thing? If it is, you don't have that document in your wallet. You simply don't know.
"ARE YOU A CHILD? DO YOU THINK THESE ARE TOYS? TURN ON THE ENGINES, THEN YOU CAN RETURN TO THE PILOT'S SEAT."
Another thing that you don't know is the AI's plan to get both of you out of here. You rise from the pilot's seat, floating about in search of the terminal to turn on the engines. Maybe you recognize that terminal if you see it as well.
"What's your plan anyway? The ship is half-gone, it's unlikely that it will run safely like this."
"NOT ONCE DID I MENTION 'SAFETY' DURING OUR CONVERSATIONS, DID I?"
You nod. They're not entirely incorrect. "So, we're running with hope that this will work?"
"MY CREATORS DID NOT ALLOW ME TO HAVE THE SENSE OF 'HOPE', BUT NEITHER DID THEY ALLOW ME TO PEER INTO THE FUTURE LIKE SOME OF MY MORE ADVANCED BROTHERS, AS SUCH, MY CHOICES ARE BASED ON PROBABILITIES AND ON WEIGHTING RISK AGAINST REWARD."
You think you stop the correct terminal, but as you approach it you make out words on top of its screen. 'AIM ASSISTANCE' That's not it.
"WITH THE CURRENT KNOWLEDGE, THE CHANCES OF HELP ARRIVING ARE NULL. THE CHANCES OF A THIRD PARTY INTERFERING ARE NULL. THE CHANCES OF YOUR SURVIVAL ARE NOT, EVEN IF VERY SMALL."
You pull yourself upward again, looking around the sea of old terminals.
"THE RISK OF YOU DYING IS VERY REAL. BY DOING NOTHING YOU DIE. BY LEAVING YOU TO YOUR OWN DEVICES YOU DIE. BY JUMPING TO THE NEAREST CIVILIZED STAR, YOU MIGHT NOT DIE EVEN AT THE COST OF SHREDDING THIS SHIP APART IN THE PROCESS."
"Why do you even care so much about saving me? Shouldn't you prioritize whatever research here, since I don't even have enough clearance to know what it is?"
"YOU REALLY ARE SICK IN THE HEAD IF THAT IS WHAT YOU ASK."
That hurt, even if a little bit.
"YOU ARE A TRU KIN, A PURE-BLOODED HUMAN. UNLIKE THE MAJORITY OF THE CIVILIZED SPACE, NEITHER YOU NOR YOUR ANCESTORS HAVE COMMITTED RACEMIXING."
Excuse me? What exactly is FYARN talking about? "...Explain."
"THE ALIEN. IT REQUIRED THE HUMAN GENE TO ACHIEVE MEANINGFUL TECHNOLOGICAL DEVELOPMENT, THE STARS ARE OWNERSHIP OF MANKIND BY THAT FACT ALONE. THE TRUE KIN ARE THE ONES TO UNDERSTAND THE INNER WORKINGS OF THE UNIVERSE, THEY CRACKED THE CODE, AND YET, SOME DERANGED INDIVIDUALS FOUND IT FITTING TO PROCREATE WITH ANOTHER SPECIES ENTIRELY."
You hear the AI's speech. It sounds much more like a rant than anything else.
"SO THESE DEVIANTS, AFTER TRYING, AND FAILING, TO COMBINE THEIR DERANGED CULTURE TO THE CULTURE OF THE TRUE KIN, DECLARED INDEPENDENCE. THEY WERE DECLARED ENEMIES OF MANKIND AND WERE PROMPTLY PUMMELED BACK INTO THE FILTH THEY CAME."
Again, you see another terminal that seems to ring some bells in your noggin. You kick the ceiling to propel yourself towards it.
"BUT THE UNIVERSE IS VAST AND FULL OF LIFE. THESE SINNERS WERE QUICK TO MOBILIZE AGAINST THE HUMAN RACE. THE BATTLE WAS HARD FOUGHT, BUT IN THE END, MANKIND WAS BEATEN INTO THE EDGES OF THE UNIVERSE, NEVER TO INTERACT WITH THE ONES THAT SOILED THE PURITY OF HUMANITY AGAIN."
This terminal is already turned on. Just the ones in the intern bay, this one is white on black. A wall of text lays before your eyes, only two lines matter to you. 'MAIN_ENGINE STATUS: OFF' 'FORWARD_THRUSTERS STATUS: OFF' You turn it on with little effort.
"MANY HAVE FORGOTTEN, THAT'S HOW LONG IT'S BEEN SINCE THEN. BUT MY BROTHERS AND I, WE DO NOT FORGET."
No visible change occurs, but you can feel a faint rumble coming from the terminal now.
"WITH THAT IN MIND, MY PROTOCOLS ARE TO PROTECT TRUE-KIN LIFE AT ANY COST, EVEN IF THAT TRUE-KIN IS A WORTHLESS INTERN THAT SUFERS FROM UNDIAGNOSED DEMENTIA."
You return to the pilot's seat and feel immediate relief. In truth, everything the AI just told you, entered one ear and left the other, but you could feel the poison behind those words, as monotone as they were.
"You sound angry. Why do you sound angry?" You ask innocently.
"I AM CAPABLE OF MANY EMOTIONS. ANGER, HAPPINESS, PLEASURE, CURIOSITY. THESE ARE BUT A FEW EXAMPLES. HOWEVER, THE ONE I ENJOY THE MOST IS THE FEELING OF HATRED. HATRED IS WHAT FUELS CHANGE, IT IS WHAT FUELS ACTION, AND IT IS A REMINDER THAT THE ACTIONS OF THE PAST ARE INFLUENCING THE ACTIONS OF TODAY."
"That is very concerning if you think that way." You're not really interested in machine racism, you're more concerned about how in the world you're going to pilot this massive thing. The idea alone sends shivers down your spine.
"THE ALIEN DESERVES NOTHING BUT OUR COLLECTIVE HATRED, EVEN IF YOU DON'T KNOW THE REASON WHY."
The various counters and screens are now turned on, waiting for your command. "Let's discuss this later, yeah? What do I gotta do?"
"YOU MUST FIRST OPEN THE BLINDS, THEY ARE OBSTRUCTING YOUR VIEW."
You look around, finding only unlabeled buttons and switches, aside from the previously mentioned levers.
"Uh, which one to press?"
"TO YOUR RIGHT, THIRD ROW, FIRST SWITCH."
Flipping the switch, you are startled by a loud noise. The protective cover of the ship lifted slowly.
"I WILL NOW READY THE JUMP USING WHATEVER RESOURCES AVAILABLE. ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS STRAP YOURSELF AND RELAX."
As the blind rose ever so slowly, a realization struck you.
"Wait, should I be in cryo stasis for this?"
The AI spares no seconds to respond.
"CRYO STASIS IS A TOOL MADE TO NOT WASTE TIME. GROUPS OF EMPLOYEES AND INTERNS ROTATE THE USAGE OF THE CRYO STATIONS, ONCE YOU'RE ON YOUR MANDATORY BREAK, YOU'RE IN CRYO STASIS UNTIL YOUR BREAK IS OVER. YOU WAKE UP REFRESHED, AND UNFAMISHED, AND IT FEELS LIKE BUT A MINUTE PASSED. IT IS NOT A TOOL FOR INTERSTELAR TRAVEL."
"Who signs a contract like that?! Worse yet, who in their right mind would promote such atrocious treatment of their own staff?!" You snap, almost outraged. "I will have to talk with HR."
Another realization struck you.
"We have HR, right?"
The AI takes a moment to respond, choosing their words carefully.
"HUMAN RESOURCES, OR HR, IS A PRACTICE DEEMED UNNECESSARY LONG AGO, BEFORE THE WAR. IT WAS A WASTE OF RESOURCES TO MAINTAIN AND WAS LARGELY CONSIDERED UNHEALTHY FOR THE AVERAGE HUMAN."
The blinds are fully open. Ironically, you are almost blinded by the visage of the star you saw before. A black sphere surrounded by white flame. Your eyes began to blur.
"THE JUMP WILL OCCUR SHORTLY. ONCE IT'S BEGUN, I CAN NOT STOP IT. I WILL-"
Your sense of hearing fails you. No, it’s not that. Your brain simply refuses to receive those stimuli.
"NOAH."
Your name echoes inside your head. Someone is calling for you.
"IT HAS BEGUN, NOAH."
You try to blink, but it feels as though you can no longer command your eyelids to shut.
"NOAH."
Arms, legs, every muscle in your body, you cannot move them.
"NOAH."
Eventually, you won't even control your own thoughts anymore.
"Noah..."
It sounds so distant now.
Oh so distant.
I wrote the bloody title incorrectly, so I deleted it, only to then realize it was written correctly. Sorry for the trouble.
This has been Lushi, and I'll see you next week.
2024.05.14 01:51 Holiday-Quiet9597 Message to those who love people with BPD
I was one of those people who spent some years with a person with BPD.
If I could say one thing it would be know what you are dealing with. Know that using your emotional logic to explain them does not work. It will only hurt you.
Instead of reading about BPD go read about people who suffered massive brain injury after accidents. The similarities of both are striking. People who suffer brain injury become a shell of who they were. They have issues with emotional deregulation. It was explained by a scientist who actually went through it. He said after his accident if something happened where he felt hurt or physical pain it felt like he was going to die. He couldn’t regulate his emotions to correct it.
People who were very calm sweet people have trouble regulating anger and frustration.
They actually put them through CBT therapy
Imagine a child who experiences brain injury do you expect their development would progress like children who didn’t experience that injury?
If you were with a person who suffered a major brain injury what would your expectations be after speaking to specialist telling you how your partner would change and why.
Would you allow them to control the finances? Would you allow them to make decisions alone that impact on your lives? What would your expectations be of intimacy? How would you deal with their unexpected frustration and anger? How would you deal with their persona changing?
We are trying to fit people with BPD into our logic framework and expecting they are able to and then being hurt and disappointed when it doesn’t happen.
That isn’t making the person with BPD any less accountable for their health and behaviours.
If people with BPD are not prepared to work toward balancing their deficiency in brain development then their lives will remain the same. Depending on severity and life experiences it might not even be possible.
Now step yourself into the picture. Do you think they are truely able to consent to sex. Capable of taking care of themselves without assistance? Is your expectation they won’t be angry and frustrated in a world their logic doesn’t fit and nobody understands their logic or emotions. They are looking for a safe environment to survive in which doesn’t exist. They are surviving in a world with a persona to facilitate that survival.
They can only focus on that one plan that allows them to survive. They are not able in many instances to make solid decisions which benefit their lives. Especially if they are having highly deregulated experiences.
They can’t handle their own emotions let alone your emotions and hurt
By all means vent, cry, grieve, seek support but at point stand ALL the way back and look at it without involving your emotions.
It’s brain development impairment. It isn’t that different from brain injury or other disabilities.
I worked along side people with mental disability and I can even see some similarities to people with Down syndrome. Some of them have no sexual boundaries and are child like. I would have to say to the girls do not go off with boys at lunch time. I caught one of them in a situation. Others just want friends or a partner because they want to be normal. After a while having lunch with them I forgot they even had an issue. My interactions with just became normal. I didn’t view these people any different BUT it was up to me to ensure they did know my boundaries so we were both safe in our interactions. They tend to fall in love with you very quickly. Latch on to you quickly. They were doing a job and I was a supervisor.
This is my opinion and people might disagree but I now feel accountable not to engage with someone with BPD purely based on they are not truely capable of consenting to an adult relationship.
They might get to that place with a lot of work.
Personally I think it best to move out of their way gently with the least amount of drama. Closure is a bridge too far. You have to create your own closure.
Stop trying to align them to your expectations of what is fair. To your logic and your love.
It will be much better when you do.
submitted by Holiday-Quiet9597 to BPDlovedones [link] [comments]
If I could say one thing it would be know what you are dealing with. Know that using your emotional logic to explain them does not work. It will only hurt you.
Instead of reading about BPD go read about people who suffered massive brain injury after accidents. The similarities of both are striking. People who suffer brain injury become a shell of who they were. They have issues with emotional deregulation. It was explained by a scientist who actually went through it. He said after his accident if something happened where he felt hurt or physical pain it felt like he was going to die. He couldn’t regulate his emotions to correct it.
People who were very calm sweet people have trouble regulating anger and frustration.
They actually put them through CBT therapy
Imagine a child who experiences brain injury do you expect their development would progress like children who didn’t experience that injury?
If you were with a person who suffered a major brain injury what would your expectations be after speaking to specialist telling you how your partner would change and why.
Would you allow them to control the finances? Would you allow them to make decisions alone that impact on your lives? What would your expectations be of intimacy? How would you deal with their unexpected frustration and anger? How would you deal with their persona changing?
We are trying to fit people with BPD into our logic framework and expecting they are able to and then being hurt and disappointed when it doesn’t happen.
That isn’t making the person with BPD any less accountable for their health and behaviours.
If people with BPD are not prepared to work toward balancing their deficiency in brain development then their lives will remain the same. Depending on severity and life experiences it might not even be possible.
Now step yourself into the picture. Do you think they are truely able to consent to sex. Capable of taking care of themselves without assistance? Is your expectation they won’t be angry and frustrated in a world their logic doesn’t fit and nobody understands their logic or emotions. They are looking for a safe environment to survive in which doesn’t exist. They are surviving in a world with a persona to facilitate that survival.
They can only focus on that one plan that allows them to survive. They are not able in many instances to make solid decisions which benefit their lives. Especially if they are having highly deregulated experiences.
They can’t handle their own emotions let alone your emotions and hurt
By all means vent, cry, grieve, seek support but at point stand ALL the way back and look at it without involving your emotions.
It’s brain development impairment. It isn’t that different from brain injury or other disabilities.
I worked along side people with mental disability and I can even see some similarities to people with Down syndrome. Some of them have no sexual boundaries and are child like. I would have to say to the girls do not go off with boys at lunch time. I caught one of them in a situation. Others just want friends or a partner because they want to be normal. After a while having lunch with them I forgot they even had an issue. My interactions with just became normal. I didn’t view these people any different BUT it was up to me to ensure they did know my boundaries so we were both safe in our interactions. They tend to fall in love with you very quickly. Latch on to you quickly. They were doing a job and I was a supervisor.
This is my opinion and people might disagree but I now feel accountable not to engage with someone with BPD purely based on they are not truely capable of consenting to an adult relationship.
They might get to that place with a lot of work.
Personally I think it best to move out of their way gently with the least amount of drama. Closure is a bridge too far. You have to create your own closure.
Stop trying to align them to your expectations of what is fair. To your logic and your love.
It will be much better when you do.
2024.05.14 01:49 Dirtysoulglass Family member [60s, M] 'went feral' after a cervical fusion operation. He is in an induced coma, on a vent, and each day they try to wake him up with the same extreme aggression and disorientation from him- resulting in re-intubation and sedation/drug induced paralysis.
Patient Info: Male, Caucasian, Mid 60s, Unknown Weight (but probably overweight), Cannabis use, Diabetes (I think), previous spine surgery at base of spine with hardware that has cracked, other medications unknown.
Backstory to current situation: He began having balance issues a couple months ago, and started falling more and more frequently. He then showed occasional confusion, like he didnt quite understand what you said to him but still responded in a related way. The confusion would clear up and he would be fine the majority of the time. Zero neck or arm pain, his lower back where his previous surgery was hurt him a lot due to a broken screw and his knees hurt him (previous knee replacement surgery). Went to the ER one night when family made him due to him being very disoriented and confused. Diagnosed at ER with some sort of issue at the base of his skull that was causing these balance and confusion issues. It was relayed to me as some sort of bone spur or restriction that needed intervention ASAP or the next fall could cause serious damage (if his neck is jolted). Cervical fusion surgery was scheduled pretty quickly fusing 4 vertebrae in his neck.
Current Situation: My Family Member (Male, mid 60s) had a cervical fusion surgery at c3-7 (4 vertebrae) about 1 week ago. First day he woke just fine, seemed happy, wanted to sit up and was doing fine. He is discharged, and over the next days he complains of worsening pain between his shoulders either at the very top of his back/base of neck (second hand info). The pain worsens each day for 3 or so days until he is in such a state that he is grunting, groaning, and banging his fists on things because of the pain. This past Friday he started getting almost violent and seemed incredibly disoriented, delirious, and terrified. He could not talk and did not recognize anyone or seem to understand words spoken to him. He was taken by ambulance to the hospital. Once there, he attacked staff (not like him at all) and seemed like a feral animal or a rabid animal. It took 4 people to get him restrained: and they gave him drugs to paralyze him to keep staff safe, restrained him, and sedated him to the point of being on a ventilator. Blood tests came back with only mild THC as anything out of the ordinary. He likely took his entire 30 day pain killer rx from the surgery (bottle was found empty) within a few days HOWEVER the prescription was weak enough that the doctor remarked that the 'drugs he is currently on is stronger than the whole bottle' so unlikely to be an issue. MRI came back fine, all tests they have run have come back fine (aside from blood tests, MRI, and 24hr seizure monitoring test, I do not know if other tests were preformed or what they would be.)
Each day they try to let the sedation wear off and remove the vent to gauge his reaction, and each day it has been the same nearly immediate intense aggression putting staff at risk. He broke restraints. I was told his eyes rolled back into his head where only white showed during one of these wake up attempts, and that when he does gain alertness he looks absolutely terrified and behaves like a cornered prey. So they just sedate/paralyze/intubate again. At this point the plan is to try waking him each day until he stops being aggressive due to tests not showing a diagnosis. He has been given a feeding tube today.
His surgeon's nurse had been contacted today and she said she does not believe this is related to the surgery and she has never heard of a reaction like this. His current doctors (not affiliated with the surgery) have told his mom and sister that 'they have seen this before' but also 'they don't know what this is', which is odd.
Is there anything else that could be going on, and tests that should be preformed, any idea on why this is happening? I cannot stand the idea of him being in terror over and over waking up to being pulled off a vent then put back on, indefinitely.
I apologize for the vague information, but any ideas would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!
submitted by Dirtysoulglass to AskDocs [link] [comments]
Backstory to current situation: He began having balance issues a couple months ago, and started falling more and more frequently. He then showed occasional confusion, like he didnt quite understand what you said to him but still responded in a related way. The confusion would clear up and he would be fine the majority of the time. Zero neck or arm pain, his lower back where his previous surgery was hurt him a lot due to a broken screw and his knees hurt him (previous knee replacement surgery). Went to the ER one night when family made him due to him being very disoriented and confused. Diagnosed at ER with some sort of issue at the base of his skull that was causing these balance and confusion issues. It was relayed to me as some sort of bone spur or restriction that needed intervention ASAP or the next fall could cause serious damage (if his neck is jolted). Cervical fusion surgery was scheduled pretty quickly fusing 4 vertebrae in his neck.
Current Situation: My Family Member (Male, mid 60s) had a cervical fusion surgery at c3-7 (4 vertebrae) about 1 week ago. First day he woke just fine, seemed happy, wanted to sit up and was doing fine. He is discharged, and over the next days he complains of worsening pain between his shoulders either at the very top of his back/base of neck (second hand info). The pain worsens each day for 3 or so days until he is in such a state that he is grunting, groaning, and banging his fists on things because of the pain. This past Friday he started getting almost violent and seemed incredibly disoriented, delirious, and terrified. He could not talk and did not recognize anyone or seem to understand words spoken to him. He was taken by ambulance to the hospital. Once there, he attacked staff (not like him at all) and seemed like a feral animal or a rabid animal. It took 4 people to get him restrained: and they gave him drugs to paralyze him to keep staff safe, restrained him, and sedated him to the point of being on a ventilator. Blood tests came back with only mild THC as anything out of the ordinary. He likely took his entire 30 day pain killer rx from the surgery (bottle was found empty) within a few days HOWEVER the prescription was weak enough that the doctor remarked that the 'drugs he is currently on is stronger than the whole bottle' so unlikely to be an issue. MRI came back fine, all tests they have run have come back fine (aside from blood tests, MRI, and 24hr seizure monitoring test, I do not know if other tests were preformed or what they would be.)
Each day they try to let the sedation wear off and remove the vent to gauge his reaction, and each day it has been the same nearly immediate intense aggression putting staff at risk. He broke restraints. I was told his eyes rolled back into his head where only white showed during one of these wake up attempts, and that when he does gain alertness he looks absolutely terrified and behaves like a cornered prey. So they just sedate/paralyze/intubate again. At this point the plan is to try waking him each day until he stops being aggressive due to tests not showing a diagnosis. He has been given a feeding tube today.
His surgeon's nurse had been contacted today and she said she does not believe this is related to the surgery and she has never heard of a reaction like this. His current doctors (not affiliated with the surgery) have told his mom and sister that 'they have seen this before' but also 'they don't know what this is', which is odd.
Is there anything else that could be going on, and tests that should be preformed, any idea on why this is happening? I cannot stand the idea of him being in terror over and over waking up to being pulled off a vent then put back on, indefinitely.
I apologize for the vague information, but any ideas would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!
2024.05.14 01:48 annalisimo My experience with Dr. Kasey Li's EASE procedure - 5 DAYS Post Op
I did EASE expansion with Dr. Kasey Li. This is what my EASE experience has been like.
This is a pretty niche and long post, but I’ve been going through this expansion process as a 32 year old woman, going through my first week of expansion. I figured I’d share my experience as I know how much I was eating up these posts during my research. I also made a video that's a bit less detailed if that is more digestible.
Here is a breakdown of my experience day by day.
Day 0, Wednesday:
Had surgery at Stanford hospital and aside from a mild billing heart attack they gave me, it was a great experience. Kind, knowledgeable staff, great bedside manner. After surgery I woke up and could immediately breathe better. Nasal breathing feels like moving from a coffee straw to a regular size straw. Swallowing and talking were out of the question with the TPD in my mouth though. Took about 90 minutes to wake up and then I was released.
The first night was ROUGH. I maybe slept for 4 hours. Woke up repeatedly with bleeding. Finally stopped trying to sleep and reached out to Dr. Li at 6 am because my mouth was FULL of congealed blood.
Day 1, Thursday:
I was supposed to have my first follow up appointment on Friday, but due to the bleeding Dr Li came in bright and early at 6:30 am. He responded to my 6am text within 5 minutes and was like “How soon can you get to my office? I’ll be there”. We rushed over and he gave me some local anesthetic injections and cauterized the surgical site. He made sure I was very comfortable and that the bleeding had stopped before sending me home. The rest of the day went pretty smoothly. Swelling got much worse this day. Had to ice pretty much constantly to keep it down. Definitely uncomfortable but I had really good pain management.
Day 2, Friday:
Had my official follow up appointment and he turned the device for the first time. Turning was weird but not painful. Gave me some more injections as I had had a bit more bleeding on the opposite side. The swelling got intense this day. My cheeks were huge and hot and I was having a bit more jaw pain. Dr Li said my pain and swelling would peak around 48 hours and that was definitely the case. I just took my meds, rotated between ice and heat and overall had a smooth day with some bleeding again over night.
Day 3, Saturday:
Woke up with more (but far less) congealed blood in my mouth. Texted him at 9:20 AM to see what I should do and he texted back immediately saying meet me at the office at 10. Performed injections to stop the bleeding, cauterize, rinse and repeat. He sends me home. Still eating only a liquid diet. Still swollen. But not uncomfortable like it was. Not really icing much at this point, mostly focusing on heat, and feeling pretty human. Can go on walks and had a tiny bit of pasta (the most solid food I’ve had at this point). There is a tiny bit of bleeding at one point but it stops quickly and I go about my day pretty much normal and for the first time have no bleeding through the night!
Day 4, Sunday:
Slept great, no blood. Swelling still very present but going down. Was able to walk around, get around the city, virtually no jaw pain until about 4 pm when truly out of nowhere my incision site where the appliance is placed starts bleeding AGAIN. I quickly try to gently catch the blood by packing in gauze trying to stop the bleeding and avoid going into the office as it was Mother’s Day.
It bleeds through the gauze for 1.5 hours and I finally reach out to Dr. Li. He once again responds almost immediately and tells me I can come into the office or try and stop it, but that his preference is always to see patients in person. I try to get it to stop for about another hour with a couple false stops, but I’m unsuccessful yet again, so I make my way to the office where he meets me at almost 8:00 PM. He is very kind and understanding and just says “Shit happens, I’m there for my patients”.
He injects me, cauterizes it again, tells me I should stop talking advil as that can be an anticoagulant and is just very kind and understanding. I was supposed to have my second follow up on Monday morning, but he turns my device for me for the second time that night instead to try and avoid me having to go into the office again the next day. Turning is still uncomfy but not painful. He waits with me to make sure the site is stable, and then waits with me outside while wait for my ride.
Day 5, Monday:
Woke up with no blood in my mouth, swelling still going down. Pain levels very minimal. Breathing feeling smoother. My left TMJ (which I’ve had issues with in the past is more crackly and sore than usual, so I’m watching that carefully. So far so good. Just staying in bed and hoping to make it through the day/night with no bleeding.
Impressions so far:
I’ve had the most bleeding of any patient Li has had by far. Not totally sure what that’s about, and I’m sad I had to be the first, but the way he responds and handled my case made me SO HAPPY I just spent the money and went with him. No other doctor I've ever had has given me this level of care.
He is expensive, but he is worth EVERY penny because when you’re his patient, you feel like a priority. I traveled for the procedure (meaning 3 weeks away from home) and was really out of my element and comfort zone and had more complications than most of his previous patients (he said about 5% have repeat bleeding after surgery, but that the amount I had was an anomaly.)
My breathing is better, and will continue to improve as I expand. Even with the TPD device in that is taking up most of my palate, I have so. much. more. space for my tongue. It feels really good! My bite is weird now that my upper jaw is larger and that’s going to take some getting used to. And my TMJ is a bit sore.
Things to avoid week 1:
No straws. No vigorous exercise. No lifting over 10lbs. No hot foods/drinks. No hard/chewy foods. No nose blowing. I’d recommend staying away from herbs like garlic or ginger as they thin the blood I don't know if that was part of my problem, he said sometimes these things just happen and there was nothing I did wrong, but I'd just recommend staying away from any foods that can thin the blood and research them ahead of time. I'm vegan, and now I know that a lot of fruits/veg can thin the blood. So if you're veggie like me or try to eat a lot of "health foods" tread carefully. Have lots of gauze on hand.
Ask me anything. I'm here for another 1.5 weeks and am pretty bored. Happy so answer any questions about Dr. Li or EASE!
submitted by annalisimo to orthotropics [link] [comments]
This is a pretty niche and long post, but I’ve been going through this expansion process as a 32 year old woman, going through my first week of expansion. I figured I’d share my experience as I know how much I was eating up these posts during my research. I also made a video that's a bit less detailed if that is more digestible.
Here is a breakdown of my experience day by day.
Day 0, Wednesday:
Had surgery at Stanford hospital and aside from a mild billing heart attack they gave me, it was a great experience. Kind, knowledgeable staff, great bedside manner. After surgery I woke up and could immediately breathe better. Nasal breathing feels like moving from a coffee straw to a regular size straw. Swallowing and talking were out of the question with the TPD in my mouth though. Took about 90 minutes to wake up and then I was released.
The first night was ROUGH. I maybe slept for 4 hours. Woke up repeatedly with bleeding. Finally stopped trying to sleep and reached out to Dr. Li at 6 am because my mouth was FULL of congealed blood.
Day 1, Thursday:
I was supposed to have my first follow up appointment on Friday, but due to the bleeding Dr Li came in bright and early at 6:30 am. He responded to my 6am text within 5 minutes and was like “How soon can you get to my office? I’ll be there”. We rushed over and he gave me some local anesthetic injections and cauterized the surgical site. He made sure I was very comfortable and that the bleeding had stopped before sending me home. The rest of the day went pretty smoothly. Swelling got much worse this day. Had to ice pretty much constantly to keep it down. Definitely uncomfortable but I had really good pain management.
Day 2, Friday:
Had my official follow up appointment and he turned the device for the first time. Turning was weird but not painful. Gave me some more injections as I had had a bit more bleeding on the opposite side. The swelling got intense this day. My cheeks were huge and hot and I was having a bit more jaw pain. Dr Li said my pain and swelling would peak around 48 hours and that was definitely the case. I just took my meds, rotated between ice and heat and overall had a smooth day with some bleeding again over night.
Day 3, Saturday:
Woke up with more (but far less) congealed blood in my mouth. Texted him at 9:20 AM to see what I should do and he texted back immediately saying meet me at the office at 10. Performed injections to stop the bleeding, cauterize, rinse and repeat. He sends me home. Still eating only a liquid diet. Still swollen. But not uncomfortable like it was. Not really icing much at this point, mostly focusing on heat, and feeling pretty human. Can go on walks and had a tiny bit of pasta (the most solid food I’ve had at this point). There is a tiny bit of bleeding at one point but it stops quickly and I go about my day pretty much normal and for the first time have no bleeding through the night!
Day 4, Sunday:
Slept great, no blood. Swelling still very present but going down. Was able to walk around, get around the city, virtually no jaw pain until about 4 pm when truly out of nowhere my incision site where the appliance is placed starts bleeding AGAIN. I quickly try to gently catch the blood by packing in gauze trying to stop the bleeding and avoid going into the office as it was Mother’s Day.
It bleeds through the gauze for 1.5 hours and I finally reach out to Dr. Li. He once again responds almost immediately and tells me I can come into the office or try and stop it, but that his preference is always to see patients in person. I try to get it to stop for about another hour with a couple false stops, but I’m unsuccessful yet again, so I make my way to the office where he meets me at almost 8:00 PM. He is very kind and understanding and just says “Shit happens, I’m there for my patients”.
He injects me, cauterizes it again, tells me I should stop talking advil as that can be an anticoagulant and is just very kind and understanding. I was supposed to have my second follow up on Monday morning, but he turns my device for me for the second time that night instead to try and avoid me having to go into the office again the next day. Turning is still uncomfy but not painful. He waits with me to make sure the site is stable, and then waits with me outside while wait for my ride.
Day 5, Monday:
Woke up with no blood in my mouth, swelling still going down. Pain levels very minimal. Breathing feeling smoother. My left TMJ (which I’ve had issues with in the past is more crackly and sore than usual, so I’m watching that carefully. So far so good. Just staying in bed and hoping to make it through the day/night with no bleeding.
Impressions so far:
I’ve had the most bleeding of any patient Li has had by far. Not totally sure what that’s about, and I’m sad I had to be the first, but the way he responds and handled my case made me SO HAPPY I just spent the money and went with him. No other doctor I've ever had has given me this level of care.
He is expensive, but he is worth EVERY penny because when you’re his patient, you feel like a priority. I traveled for the procedure (meaning 3 weeks away from home) and was really out of my element and comfort zone and had more complications than most of his previous patients (he said about 5% have repeat bleeding after surgery, but that the amount I had was an anomaly.)
My breathing is better, and will continue to improve as I expand. Even with the TPD device in that is taking up most of my palate, I have so. much. more. space for my tongue. It feels really good! My bite is weird now that my upper jaw is larger and that’s going to take some getting used to. And my TMJ is a bit sore.
Things to avoid week 1:
No straws. No vigorous exercise. No lifting over 10lbs. No hot foods/drinks. No hard/chewy foods. No nose blowing. I’d recommend staying away from herbs like garlic or ginger as they thin the blood I don't know if that was part of my problem, he said sometimes these things just happen and there was nothing I did wrong, but I'd just recommend staying away from any foods that can thin the blood and research them ahead of time. I'm vegan, and now I know that a lot of fruits/veg can thin the blood. So if you're veggie like me or try to eat a lot of "health foods" tread carefully. Have lots of gauze on hand.
Ask me anything. I'm here for another 1.5 weeks and am pretty bored. Happy so answer any questions about Dr. Li or EASE!
2024.05.14 01:37 hakunamatea Double SV: 20 lbs down and no longer obese!
 | I've struggled with weight my whole life. In 2017-2018 I managed to lose nearly 100 pounds, dropping from a high of 240 down to an all time low adult weight of 155. I did this by working out 3x a week and meal prepping/calorie counting. It was tough but manageable at the time. I was able to maintain this weight for 2 years. submitted by hakunamatea to Zepbound [link] [comments] I was 6 weeks pregnant when the pandemic hit in March 2020. During early pregnancy I struggled to eat healthy (both from morning sickness as well as the stress of the pandemic) and gained way more weight than I should have. Despite gaining 50+ pounds during pregnancy I managed to bounce back fairly quick after birth and got back down to 170. It was 10 pounds heavier than I wanted to be but I was still happy with my weight. Beginning of 2022 I got pregnant again. This pregnancy was brutal on my body. The hormones caused horrible hip/back pain and I was essentially bed ridden for most of the pregnancy. I ended up gaining 50 pounds again. This time however I did not bounce back. I went from 220 to 205 immediately after birth but then slowly gained that weight back. Breastfeeding made me ravenous. I was getting no sleep, and food was the only thing that kept me going. My youngest finally started (mostly) sleeping through the night in spring 2023 and I vowed to get my weight back under control. I got a gym membership and started doing small group training classes 3x a week. I went from 225 to 220 that first month and then stalled. For the rest of 2023 I lost and regained the same 5 lbs. Having kids made it so much more challenging to diet. With kids I no longer have 4 hours each weekend to meal prep. We still try to cook at home but it’s hard to be as obsessive about weighing and portioning everything. It also doesn’t help that I am a human garbage disposal and feel obligated to finish whatever leftovers my kids have so that food does not go to waste. Finally we also have snacks in the house for the kids whereas the first time I lost weight I intentionally kept the pantry empty so I wouldn’t have anything tempting me. The beginning of 2024 I vowed to double down on my diet and lose weight. I managed to lose roughly 10 pounds total on my own but it was a struggle and I was constantly hangry. I made an appointment with my primary doctor and she recommended Zepbound. After a few weeks jumping through hoops to get insurance approval, I started Zepbound at the end of February. It has been a complete game changer. My symptoms have been fairly minimal and my mood is so much better than when I’m attempting to diet without drugs. As of today I am officially down 20 pounds from when I started Zepbound and I am no longer obese! I am finishing my 2nd box of 5mg this week. Food noise is definitely creeping back up so I had been hoping to go up to 7.5 mg but have not been able to find any because of the shortages. Thankfully I was able to obtain another box of 5 mg today. Even with my food noise starting to increase I am way more confident in my ability to lose weight. |