Intervention of anxity

Hello, thank you in advance for reading, it will be a lot. TW for substance abuse, anxiety snd depression, as well as suicide mention
my father shot himself about five years ago. my mother has lived alone since - i was in college and my sister had moved upstate. we're both mid twenties now, and my mother is in her early sixties. as time passed the relationships with our parents sort of deteriorated. my sister basically raised me and did her best to keep me seperated from our parents fighting. when my dad passed a lot went wrong, but my mom could handle herself.
now she lives 15 minutes from my sister and six hours from me. her health has been bad and she is having issues with insurance so she won't go to the hospital for them. we (my bf and i) have been trying to visit her but its very hard between work, getting ready to move, and the travel time. not ot mention travel expenses.
my mother complains about everything. i learned from my aunt, who married into the family via my uncle on my moms side, that my mother has been an alcoholic since 18. she was in and out of AA, my dad was the same. according to my aunt she would go out and get in "real trouble" solely to be rescued and be shown people care, despite all the support she regularly got.
they were so bad that my aunt and uncle considered adopting us to get us away from it. they fought a lot all our lives, but i just recently learned it was all my mother harassing and literally beating on him. the one time he left a mark on her was to push her off of him.
my mother called me the other day, drunk, essentially to just tell me about ten times that shes dying. her blood is "no longer clotting" according to her. but when she was in the hospital last week they discovered her drinking has rendered her liver unable to filter blood, so as a result the blood comes out in any way it can. she has not told my sister this because she wrongfully believes my sister does not care and does not help her (could not be farther from the truth). so i told my sister because she is the one who can help the best. we resolved that my sister would call her and then call the ambulance if she doesnt agree to go to the doctor.
i spent almost two hours trying to explain to her we care and that we need her to get help, but she simply defaults back to the insurance issue. after our call, as we're saying goodbye, she drops the "no one cares" on me. i know her health is more severe than mine at the moment, but i explained to her that her son who is currently experiencing heart and lung issues as well as a damaged throat, just spoke with her for two hours just for the hell of it obviously, not because he cares (sarcasm). her only response was "sorry to take up your time" before snapping at me, suddenly mentioning she might have cancer, and hanging up.
she said she wants to get better but then in the same breath says shes just giving up.
i know shes my mother and all, but i believe half of the way she speaks to me is not how i deserve to be treated? our conversations are always about her and her struggles. she cycles through the same stories when we talk (memory issues, i dont mind that) but if i gently tell her i know this story she blows up and says shes old and her memory is bad.
she moved upstate to be around my sister but complains she never sees her, when she sees her at least once a week. and is now threatening to move out of state because there is nothing for her here. meanwhile her friend who is terminally ill with cancer is planning to visit her in may.
my mother lives in a senior community, but she is in a villa. if she was in a 'on campus' unit in the main building she would have a nurse and daily check-ins. but the other tenants there have covid so she refuses to go.
if my mother keeps up her behavior i dont believe shes going to last that long. she refuses to get help and blows up on us when we try to help her. almost every call ends with me in tears from frustration and pain.
i have not had a genuine, cheerful conversation with her in years.
when my father passed, alcohol played a huge role in it and ever since ive had a strong aversion to it. i do not want to be around people who drink, period. i dont partake because im allergic, thankfully. (some divine intervention to break a line of alcoholics it seems) she is drinking against doctors orders. my sister dumped her wine down the sink twice and now she simply will not allow my sister in the apartment at all. my grandmother, on my mothers side drank herself into dementia. my mother knows i cannt be around people who drink excessively- last time i was i had a panic attack and had to go home. her drinking leads to my boyfriend and sister outright disallowing me to visit for my own wellbeing.
i dont currently have any positive feelings towards her, but i cant validate that fact to myself, when i think about it i just feel guilty, which my mother knows. and my sister says thats exactly what my mother wants me to feel, that she wants attention and for us to feel bad.
no one has said it but i feel like my mothers treatment of us borders on emotional abuse, which would not be a first from her. she is a big cause of my anxities and depression, but despite this whenever i find myself mad at her all i feel is guilty.
my boyfriend has watched from the outside before asking to be more involved so he can help both my sister and i. he believes that itd in my best interest to cut her off. but ill never forgive myself if i do that. i still havent forgiven myself for not being able to call my dad back before he was gone
i know its not black and white, i can still love her but be mad at her for this, but its so hard to fully accept that.
i know she is going through a lot - but i also have no proof she is even telling the truth with some of what she is saying. my aunt claiming she is attention seeking is undoubtable, but she is being too much with how she goes about it.
tldr: my mother is jeopardizing her health and vehemently refusing help while telling us we dont help her. its tugging me every which way emotionally and i dont know how long i can keep it up. i dont know if im just waiting for it to end at this point. i dont know how to feel, i feel like a bad kid.

Hello! I originally posted this in Assistance and someone suggested I share here.
Here are PDFs of workbooks for self-guided therapy. It's better to see a professional, but I know that's not always an option. Personally, I have copies of the DBT workbook and The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion and found them helpful. Hope this is useful!
The Cognitive Behavior Therapy Workbook for Anxiety:
The Dialectical Behavioral Therapy Skills Workbook:
The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion: Freeing yourself from destructive thoughts and emotions
Overcoming Depression:
The Relaxation & Stress Reduction Workbook:
The Shyness & Social Anxiety Workbook:
The Positive Psychology Workbook for Challenging Times
The Panic Attack Workbook:
DBT Skills Manual for Adolescents:
The Addiction Recovery Skills Workbook:
The Substance Abuse & Recovery Workbook
The Complete Set of Client Handouts and Worksheets from ACT (acceptance and commitment therapy) books
Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Activites Workbook
Mind and Emotions Workbook
The Anxiety Skills Workbook
Communication Skills for Teens
**EDIT 02/09/21: Resources Contd.
Reclaim Hope Workbook
The Body Awareness Workbook for Trauma
The Trauma-Informed Toolkit
DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets
Binge Eating: Breaking the Cycle A self-help guide towards recovery
Safety Planning Workbook: Domestic Violence Education
The Mindfulness Workbook for Addiction
Surviving the Addictive Love Cycle Workbook
A Workbook for People in Recovery Seeking Economic Self-Sufficiency
Emotional Regulation DBT Skills
Essential Interpersonal Communication Skills
Resources for Mental Health Professionals
Interventions to Enhance Emotional Regulation
Women healing from trauma: A facilitator’s guide
Trauma-Informed Organizational Toolkit for homeless services
Co-occurring Disorders Treatment Workbook