Beautiful vulvas

“Is it true?”
“Is what true?” asked Simon.
“That your mother is my father?”
“Well just think about what you’ve just said. Actually think about it, and then get back to me,” smirked Simon. He loved patronising anyone and everyone.
“Back to you,” whispered Oscar.
“Yes.”
He turned his back from Simon and faced the other way.
“Are you an actual fucking dumbfuck?” asked Simon.
“My ex always said I was a boringfuck.”
“Explains a lot...” smirked Simon. His grin literally ate shits on weekends.
“Yea, she said ‘Your phallus is so ridiculously small and mushy that I’d get more satisfaction dragging my vulva across a floor covered in frozen peas’”
“Is that so?”
“Yep,” said Oscar. “And that’s how I ended up with my pea son.”
“Oh I was gonna ask,” said Simon.
Pete the pea son was gargling in a nearby pram. He was a little green round baby rich in vitamins I think. I don’t know, I’m not a vegetable doctor.
“And your niece?” asked Simon.
“Yep. My ex made love to a carpet of peas and that’s how I have my pea niece.”
“Your pea niece,” smirked Simon.
“That’s what I said.”
“Is she....tiny and mushy?” laughed Simon.
“No she’s half frozen.”
“Heh,” Simon said.
Heh Simon said. Heh Simon said. Heh Si- I haven’t played Simon Says for seventy nine years so I don’t know if that’s how you play it or not.
“So anyway,” said Oscar. “If your mother isn’t, then who is my father?”
“Aren’t you more invested in how your ex wife gave birth to your niece?”
“N...no...that makes...”
“Sense?” smiled Simon. “That makes sense?”
“Yea coz my ex woz my auntie. Auntie antijoke was her name.”
“But that would make the kid your cousin.”
“Oh yea shit,” said Oscar. “So I....”
“Fucked your...”
“My...sister?” asked Oscar, head tilted.
“Correct!”
“And that’s your mother?”
“Yep!” said Simon.
“Ok cool. She’s hot too so go me!” said Oscar. He highered his palm for a hoi foive. Simon clapped dat shit so quickly it was just a fleshy blur, like Japanese genitals. “Well, I’m glad we got to the bottom of this,” said Oscar.
“Me too.”
“Now we can go back to this in depth game of chess,” said Oscar.
“Yep. Your turn.”
“I’ll move my castle to that black square.”
“I’ll move your pea niece,” winked Simon.
“Oh please do naughty boy!”
They both laughed in beautiful love times.
The End
Is what is said when it’s the end of a story, just like now. The End.
“Touch my pea niece with both hands you filthy boar-cunt.”

some of ya'll really got it twisted, some of ya'll really got it fucked up this is something ya'll can't even begin to grasp because for some of us, this shit is deep in our dna this shit is a bond this shit in our blood we fused to this. I used to think drake was gay and lame it was like 2010 2009 people was hating on drake back then, but as time went on I started listening to more and more drake like 2010 2011 type shit. I was fat as hell, no bitches, no desire to even get with a girl I was just chillin in my room, I had no direction, no mentors for this shit, my dad had me old so his dick throwin days were long gone atp and he ain't even wanna coach me through shit, didn't teach me about girls. When I started listening to drake and really listening to the lyrics, shit hit me like a fucking truck, something about his music gripped me in that moment. The way drizz was talking about women made it sound like an addictive drug that would shock your body in the best way, and would bring you eternal euphoria, like pussy was going to cleanse you of all bad thoughts, and bring pure bliss. i was on a higher plane in these moments, it was like I had always looked up at the sky and seen it, but this time my body was up there and I had seen things I couldn't really see when I was looking at the sky from the ground, I was like floating way up higher and higher, it felt golden, I reached a layer of the sky that looked like a bottle of honey that I levitated right into above the clouds. That's when I knew drake's shit had shook me to my core, clairvoyance, excellence, my mind felt prophetic, my veins throbbing throughout my body and it felt like my brain had been engorged with more thoughts and ideas than ever before.This shit changed me, take care, so far gone, they made me feel things and motivation I never thought existed, suddenly I was wanting girls, I imagined gripping their slimthick/bbw thighs, I wanted to taste the sweat dripping down their skin like it was going to get me high, I wanted to smell their aroma waft into my nose and carry me away like a tom and jerry cartoon, I imagined the vulva and clit gushing in my head everyday, I worked out so much, I lost weight to look better and get attention from girls, to feel more confident, to feel just good for once in my life. All I wanted was to experience women cause of how drake sang about them in his songs, it was poetic, beautiful, it felt like a georgia o'keefe painting put into words, my mind was hooked on the pussy and drake's music was the gateway. I knew I was on demon mode, locked in, in my bag at this point, when take care came out I felt like time was stopped, like I was in full control, gripping the world in my hand, the sprout had fully blossomed. I was fully unleashed atp, like drake's music was odysseus' bow, it was my ultimate weapon, it was my sexual energy evolving, my body changing, my pure strength. I was abdicated as the jester I was always treated as up to that point, this was leah's ring for me, I would not trade one drake song for 5000 kendrick albums, it was the greatest thing to grace me in this life. Whenever I was fuckin on a baddie, giving the lickerooni, deep stroking her I felt that fucking energy in the room, like drake was lowkey there with me or could feel me, and was proud of me, when I was driving around those late nights, never stopping, bad bitch in the passenger seat, my g in the back with his treeshiana, playing some nothing was the same (connect the goat song real talk) no worries at all. I was in harmony, his music was like the simple cross stitch pattern of a basketweave, it put me together, I was fully assembled within myself, every bit of me was on the same page with every other part, my inner ecosystem was in harmony, there was no disruptions in this, the mellifluence was amazing. I watched a lot of interviews of drake, I remember so many things I took notes on, things that I still practice to this day, like for example when he said he always keeps his ass clean in a nardwuar interview, I was shitting one day and my mom was going through chemo treatment and needed to sit next to the toilet cause she was nauseous and was going to be puking for awhile, I argued with her that I can't open the door cause I need to wash my ass after I shit, I wasn't going to let it slide at all and let my mom in cause drake's word was bond to me, I was never going to deviate from the habits he taught. I remember in one interview him talking about how much OVO meant to him, I started taking that shit serious, and would always put OVO next to my name on school papers where you put your name, yea the teachers argued with me about it cause it was weird or asked me about it cause they were curious, but I always told them they just wouldn't get it. Sometimes even, I feel like drake says things in my head or something to me DIRECTLY, like idk, how some people hear god, I hear drake rapping or singing to me, not songs that he's sung or rapped before either, like he's speaking complete whole new sentences to me and guiding me, telling me personal things in my life that I need to fix, things I need to look after, things I need to GO after. I feel like his shit will always guide me, feel like he's watching me sometimes and proud of how I put it down on the baddies. When ya'll are disparaging drake, putting these weird rumors on him, accusing him of weird shit, that's disrespectful, not just to him, but also me, and other drake fans that feel similar ways, he got me through my formative years and still helps me to this day giving me wisdom and inner peace, when I make mistakes I know I can move on because of him, he's saved me from multiple trips to the psych ward and other people too most likely. Just don't forget this next time you are about to write some witty cringey weird little dumb joke about drake or want to discredit him and put dirt on his name. Drake deserves his pound of flesh from kendrick, I know that respect is hard to give up, but he really deserves it even if it makes kendrick uncomfortable, we all know drake won, even if he did lose he still won cause I know he still in that embassy posted up, healthy and wealthy, 10 toes down, soldified, never going down, all 12 rounds he fought hard. Anyways ya'll I wanted to write this cause pure melancholy and depression over this situation had me remembering good shit about how much drake's music helped me to help me feel less depressed and more calm, shot all the good memories and feelings back into me quickly that drizzy really like a shot of heroin.

👉 Step Mother ya Niece se agar kisi ne sex kar liya to 10 joda cow aur uska baccha brahman ko donate kar de to shudh ho jayega (Parashar Smriti, adhyay 10 slokh 13) पराशर स्मृति, अध्याय 10 श्लोक 13
पितृ दारान् समारुह्य मातुराप्तां च भ्रातृजाम् । दशगो मिथुनं दद्याच्छुद्धि पाराशरोऽब्रतीत् ।।१३।। अन्वयः - सीधा है।
हिन्दी टीका - सौतेली माताओं अपनी मां की सहेलियों तथा भतीजियों के साथ सहवास करके गाय और विना नसबन्दी किये बछड़े की दश जोड़ियां दे दे तो उसकी शुद्धि हो जाय ऐसा पराशर मुनि ने बताया है ।.
👉🏻 Bhavishya Puran 4.18.26-28 भविष्यपुराण (बम्बई छापा) प्रतिसर्ग ख० ४ । अ० १८। श्लो २६-२८ Khemraj Krishnadas Press Mumbai
या तु ज्ञानमयी नारी वृणेद्यं पुरुषं शुभम् । कोsपि पुत्रः पिता भ्राता स च तस्याः पतिर्भवेत् ॥ २६ ॥ स्वकीयां च सुतां ब्रह्मा विष्णुदेवः स्वमातरम् । भगिनीं भगवाञ्छम्भुर्गृहीत्वा श्रेष्ठतामगात् ॥ २७ ॥ इति श्रुत्वा वेदमयं वाक्यं चादितिसम्भवः । विवस्वान् भ्रातृजां गृहीत्वा श्रेष्ठवानभूत् ॥ २८ ॥
जो ज्ञान वाली (पढ़ी लिखी पौराणिक) स्त्री हो वह चाहे किसी भी शुभ पुरुष को वर ले। वह चाहे उसका पुत्र, पिता व भाई कोई क्यों न लगता हो, वही उसका पति बन जाता है। ब्रह्माजी ने अपनी पुत्री को, विष्णुजी ने अपनी माँ को तथा महादेवजी ने अपनी बहिन को पत्नी ग्रहण करके श्रेष्ठता प्राप्त की और इस ज्ञान की बात को सुनकर सूर्य भगवान् ने अपनी भतीजी से विवाह करके श्रेष्ठता को प्राप्त किया।
👉 Yoni Tantra Translated by: Viney Kumar Rai chapter: 5 verse: 12-25 योनितन्त्र अध्याय 5 श्लोक 12-15 Except mother's vagina, all other vaginas should be beaten in this worship.
पर यथाविधान पूजा सम्पन्न करके मैथुन से सदैव विरत रहना चाहिए। केवल मातृयोनि का परित्याग करके अन्य समस्त मुक्त योनि को ताड़ित करना चाहिए। यदि भाग्यवशब्राह्मणी कुलशक्ति प्राप्त हो जाय, तो सर्वप्रथम उसकी योनितत्त्व को ग्रहण करना चाहिए. उसके पश्चात् अन्य योनि की पूजा करनी चाहिए। १३-१५
👉 A Hindu wife should keep looking at her husband's face as lovingly as her son's face. (Incest📣) Vishnudharmottara Puran 3.322.4
विष्णुधर्मोत्तरमहापुराणम् तृतीय खण्ड अध्याय 322 श्लोक 4
पुत्रवक्रमिवाभीक्ष्णं भर्तुर्वदनमी क्षती । या साध्वी नियताचारा सा भवेद्धर्मचारिणी ॥४॥ वह पुत्र के मुख के ही समान पति के मुख को भी प्रेम पूर्वक देखती रहे। पति के सेवा करने वाली, सदाचार का पालन करने वाली तथा धार्मिक उसे होना चाहिए।॥४॥
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👉 Garud Puran 1/109/37" Sexual organ of a woman becomes moistened on seeing a man whether he is her brother, father or a son"
ब्रह्मचर्येऽपि वक्तव्यं प्राप्तं मन्मथचेष्टितम् ॥ ह्यद्यं हि पुरुषं दृष्ट्वा योनिः प्रक्लिद्यते स्त्रियाः ॥ ३६॥ सुवेषं पुरुषं दृष्ट्वा भ्रातरं यदि वा सुतम् ॥ योनिः क्लिद्यति नारीणां सत्यंसत्यं हि शौनक ! ॥ ३७॥
Verily do I say unto you, O Sounaka, that even an ascetic Brahmacãrin, becomes fascinated [at such a sight], and the sexual organ of a woman, is moistened at the sight of a handsome, and welldressed youth, even if he happen to be connected with her in the relationship of a father, a brother, or a son.
👉 Krishna's wives getting horny after seeing Krishna's son Pradyumna their stepson Srimad Bhagavatam 10.55.40
यं वै मुहुः पितृसरूपनिजेशभावाः तन्मातरो यदभजन् रहरूढभावाः । चित्रं न तत्खलु रमास्पदबिम्बबिम्बे कामे स्मरेऽक्षविषये किमुतान्यनार्यः ॥ ४० ॥
It is not astonishing that the palace women, who should have felt maternal affection for Pradyumna, privately felt ecstatic attraction for Him as if He were their own Lord. After all, the son exactly resembled His father. Indeed, Pradyumna was a perfect reflection of the beauty of Lord Kṛṣṇa, the shelter of the goddess of fortune, and appeared before their eyes as Cupid Himself. Since even those on the level of His mother felt sexual attraction for Him, then what to speak of how other women felt when they saw Him?
👉 रामचरितमानस अरण्यकाण्ड, दोहा :16, चौपाई : 3
भ्राता पिता पुत्र उरगारी। पुरुष मनोहर निरखत नारी॥ होइ बिकल सक मनहि न रोकी। जिमि रबिमनि द्रव रबिहि बिलोकी॥3॥
(काकभुशुण्डिजी कहते हैं-) हे गरुड़जी! स्त्री मनोहर पुरुष को देखकर, चाहे वह भाई, पिता, पुत्र ही हो, विकल हो जाती है और मन को नहीं रोक सकती। जैसे सूर्यकान्तमणि सूर्य को देखकर द्रवित हो जाती है (ज्वाला से पिघल जाती है)॥3॥
At the very sight of a handsome man, be he her own brother, father or son, O Garuda, a (wanton) woman gets excited and cannot restrain her passion, even as the sun-stone emits fire when it is brought in front of the sun.
👉 Padma Puran (Section 1 - Sṛṣṭi-khaṇḍa) 1.52.18,19,21

1. In this existence (as women) which is fit to be united with, whether it is appropriate or not, the heart of women is undoubtedly always fixed upon men.
2. O Nārada, it is true, (quite) true, that the vulva of women becomes moistened on seeing a well-dressed man, whether he is her brother or son.
3. A woman is like a pot of ghee; a man is like a burning charcoal. Therefore one should not keep ghee and fire at one place.

👉 Vamana Puran अध्याय 14 श्लोक 46 (गीताप्रेस, गोरखपुर), Page - 74
नैकासने तथा स्थेयं सोदर्या परजायया। तथेव स्यानन मातुश्च तथा स्वदुहितुस्त्वपि॥ ४६
अपनी बहन तथा परस्त्रीके साथ एक आसनपर न बैठे। इसी प्रकार अपनी माता तथा कन्याके साथ भी एक आसनपर न बेठे।॥ ४६॥

1. One should not sit at the same seat with his sister and other's wife. Similarly, he should not sit at the same seat with his mother and daughter too.

⏯ Srimat Bhagavatam 9.19.17 (Hindus are ultra incest lovers with no self control) SB 9.19.17: One should not allow oneself to sit on the same seat even with one's own mother, sister or daughter, for the senses are so strong that even though one is very advanced in knowledge, he may be attracted by sex.
श्रीमद् भागवत महापुराण स्कन्ध 9 अध्याय 19 श्लोक 17
मात्रा स्वस्रा दुहित्रा वा नाविविक्तासनो भवेत् । बलवान् इन्द्रियग्रामो विद्वांसमपि कर्षति ॥ १७ ॥
पुरुषको अपनी माता, बहिन और पुत्रीके साथ भी एकान्तमें नहीं बैठना चाहिये, क्योंकि इन्द्रिय समुदाय बहुत प्रबल होता है, वह विचारवान्‌को भी विचलित कर देता है ॥ १७॥
⏯ Garud Puran 3.28.79 भयं च लज्जा नैव चास्ते वधूनां तथा नृणां वनितानां यतीनाम् ॥ स्वसारं ते ह्यदित्वा दिनेपि सुवाम यज्ञेन स्वभावश्च वींद्र ॥ ७९ ॥
Neither men and women nor ascetics have any dread or shame in this respect. Men can copulate even with their sisters, that too at day time, just as the priests do with the women at the soma sacrifice.
👉 Manusmriti 2.215 One should not sit alone with his mother, sister or daughter. The powerful host of sense-organs overpowers even the learned.—(215)
Manusmriti Adyay 2 Shlokh 215 मात्रा स्वस्त्रा दुहित्रावा न विविक्तासनो भवेत् । बलवानिन्द्रियग्रामो विद्वांसमपि कर्षति ॥ २१५॥
माता, बहन या बेटी के साथ एक आसन पर न बैठे क्योंकि बलवान् इन्द्रियों का समूह विद्वान् को भी अपनी तरफ खींच लेता है।

I truly despise being female. I find my vagina disgusting and I get angry every time I think about it. My ovaries are riddled with PCOS, so not only are my hormones all over the place, I'm also lumpy and fat with a stupidly large belly that I can't get rid of. I feel so ugly and unlovable. Weight loss is almost impossible which means I'm having to push so much harder than anyone else to lose the weight I need to get a breast reduction. Yes my breasts are also stupidly large so I get constant back pain and have to shell out a fortune for a bra that breaks after a few months. I hate having a uterus, it tortures me when I don't get pregnant by making me cramp and bleed and making my vulva feel like it's on fire for 3 straight days. But of course because of the PCOS I can't even predict when this will happen. I lost most of my teenage years to feeling depressed and suicidal at seemingly random times and I believe it's because of PMDD. I was on various pill for over 3 years and eventually had to come off of it because it was making me MORE fat, as well as making my vulva reek. Every time I'm confronted with discharge I want to puke, it ruins all my underwear by either bleaching or yellowing them. It looks and feels awful with hair but when I shave or trim I stick to my underwear and have to PEEL them off of me constantly! Even looking at diagrams of what it looks like fills me with so much rage I start shaking. I get so mad reading people saying a vulva is "beautiful" because I don't feel the same way at all. Most of the time I want to claw through into my abdomen and yank it all out myself. I can't even talk to my mother about it because she's a "radfem" so automatically equates it to me saying I have gender dysphoria or says I'm being "childish." I wish therapy was an option. If you read this far thank you

This is a long post, sorry if it’s rambling. I could use some input.
I 27f have never really questioned my sexuality. I recently started having racing thoughts and it’s almost like my brain is screaming at me that I’m a lesbian and that I’ve never been attracted to men at all. I’ve spent way more time than I care to admit searching on the internet trying to answer all of these questions. I have a handful of experiences that I am pretty sure are attraction to men, but with my mind racing and all of the stuff I’ve read on the internet, I just feel like I don’t even know anymore.
There is one instance that really sticks out to me. As a college student I was at a recruitment event for a student org and this guy I’d never seen before walked into the room and it was like everything stopped and faded into the background for a split second and like there was some sort of invisible force pulling me ever so slightly toward him. I felt this need to be close to him and know him and everything about him, I was desperate to be on his team for the event just so I could be close to him. I was so excited for the next event, hoping to be able to see home again and was devastated when he wasn’t there. After joining the org I spent a lot of time around him and found myself trying to impress him, look good when I knew he would be around and I found my self devastated when he would talk about other girls or date other girls. I have felt this way about a few different guys since high school, but none as strong as with him.
With my current partner (m) we met online. I remember being on our first date and just talking effortlessly for hours, I wanted him to kiss me after and was a bit disappointed when he didn’t. I loved his voice and his beautiful eyes. On our second date we were walking around this big beautiful park in the area, he was being silly and making me laugh and I can remember wanting to hold his hand so badly. Again we ended up talking for hours, and I was mesmerized by his storytelling and didn’t want to leave. I had a very sheltered and not very sex positive upbringing (working on this is therapy) so I can be anxious about sex. I have never had penetrative sex but my partner and I engage in lots of other sexual activities. There are times that I am not as into it, but other times I absolutely love it, get so turned on, feel like I could be sexual with him all night and think why don’t we do this more often?
There have definitely been other guys I have gone out with that may have been more of me seeking validation rather than having an actual interest in the person, but I have definitely felt differently about some men than others. I feel like I can tell the difference in liking them as a friend and being attracted to them.
Along with the anxiety and racing I thoughts, I’ve started to have some intrusive sexual thoughts. Several months ago I was having a conversation with a coworker I’d known for a couple years and all of a sudden I had this image in my head of us making out. This caused me a lot of panic, stress and anxiety. A couple weeks ago I was having a conversation with a different co worker whom is older them me and kind of a mentor and noticed that I started feeling a tingly sensation in and around my vulva which caused me to panic about if that feeling means that I am sexually attracted to her.
These thoughts, mental images and sensations are agonizing and I find I’m constantly trying to find an answer about all the things racing around my head.
If you’ve made it this far, thanks and I’m sorry if it’s TMI. Any advice or support is appreciated. Is what I have felt/feel towards men attraction or could it be comphet? Does this sound like attraction to women, or could it just be the anxiety? Could I be bi or lesbian?

There is a lady on Instagram who is going to be bringing a book out on vulva diversity with lots of photos of different vulvas, I am going to get my mutilation photographed to help further prevent women from getting this procedure, this is my draft of the words I will send to her to go alongside xx .... Lots of love to all of you ladies who are going through it, big hugs xx .... I used to have a beautiful vulva, though I didn't realise it at the time. At fifteen I thought there had been a mistake and that my vulva made me an unloveable monster. I became fixated on needing to be fixed in order to be loved as I didn't think my body would be accepted. I'd only ever seen my mum and sister's vulvas and mine didn't look anything like theirs. I thought mine was a mistake. I managed to find one website on the family computer at the time with a few photos of large labia on, but it appeared to be a fetish website and at 15 that also didn't make sense to me and made me feel "weird and different". I was convinced people could see my labia through my swimwear or when I was changing for PE, I was terrified of becoming a bully target, I thought people would think I was a man. I was clearly body dysmorphic and struggling and it's shame on the doctors that mutilated me for not spotting that. The NHS approved a labiaplasty procedure, in which they amputated my inner labia (which even in my state of unknowing I would have never ever agreed too) and completely damaged my sexual sensation and sense of self. They stole my essence and zest for life at age 15. Not one adult involved in the process took the time to explain to me that my vulva was normal. "My labia were hypertrophic and could be fixed" in their eyes. All I I needed was reassurance, education, counselling and love. I had been so in touch with my body from a very young age and I used to have blissful orgasms most days to self sooth, to help me sleep, for my own enjoyment when other areas of life were rubbish. Masterbation however was only mentioned for boys in sex education at school so I felt very shameful and as though maybe I'd caused my labia to look "wierd" myself. Of course I couldn't discuss this with doctors at the time of surgery, in my 15 year old brain I was terrified they'd fine out I'd had an orgasm before the procedure and that they'd think I was disgusting. They took my orgasms from me, my essence, freedom and joy and I believe that to be the cruellest form of torture. Orgasms are vital to our wellbeing as women and this needs to be medically and socially recognised and respected. Labiaplasty is also genital mutilation. If a boy went into a doctor complaining his penis rubbed against his pants when cycling, that would not be a reason enough to cut the whole thing off. Why on earth was that acceptable to do to a girl?

I wrote a post about how porn distorts our understanding of women's bodies and encourages us to reject what is natural and healthy. I wanted to expand even further to show how it really leaves no region of the female body alone and criticizes every aspect.
Shaving,
I think most women can remember and agree one of the telltale signs of puberty was growing hair in intimate places. It was a sign I was growing into a woman. Womanhood was terrifying to me and I would be lying if I said I didn't fight it any small way I could.
Part of my rejection was shaving, I didn't want to be a woman yet.
So with all that being said, girls from a young age know that hair is a sign of pubescence, so much that they reject it at times.
Yet porn idealizes hairless vulvas and men as a result outwardly shame their partners when they don't remove it. It doesn't seem to matter the reason, whether it's for comfort or forgetfulness or out of sheer rebellion it is a common experience to be scolded by our male partners for not fixing this apparent glitch..
Hairlessness is seen as clean and seen as more womanly
It's seen as more desirable because it allows for more visibility to the female genitalia
Even though women with long, uneven, or pigmented labia are mocked
Porn maintains that a small, tucked in labia is the default, it must be perfectly pink and it must be smooth as barbie. Anything else, long, asymmetrical, hairy, pigmented? Those are then resigned to the fetish category
How sad that the natural state of being for many women is seen as inferior, and an out of the ordinary desire, relegated to those who've had enough of what is actually beautiful
But the reality is of course that vulva exists in so many shapes, colors, and sizes.
First of all there is no real reason hairlessness is anymore appealing than a normal vulva with hair. In fact it is healthy for vulva to have hair, hair helps to maintain dryness and prevent infection. It helps to keep bacteria from entering the vagina and causing an infection/bacterial imbalance.
So again we see an example of how porn has programed men into seeing natural female function as a flaw to be fixed.
There is no vulva shape that is inherently linked to higher levels of estrogen, and having a smaller one does not make a woman more womanly.
Pornified ideals do nothing but harm men and women, I believe that men are being programmed with this preference for the purpose of rejecting real women so that they continue to give their time and money to the porn industry which literally thrives off of addicts.

Heads up, this is a long post and I appreciate any input of advice.
I (27f) have never really questioned my sexuality. I recently started having racing thoughts and it’s almost like my brain is screaming at me that I’m a lesbian and that I’ve never been attracted to men at all. I’ve spent way more time than I care to admit searching on the internet trying to answer all of these questions. I have a handful of experiences that I am pretty sure are attraction to men, but with my mind racing and all of the stuff I’ve read on the internet, I just feel like I don’t even know anymore.
There is one instance that really sticks out to me. As a college student I was at a recruitment event for a student org and this guy I’d never seen before walked into the room and it was like everything stopped and faded into the background for a split second and like there was some sort of invisible force pulling me ever so slightly toward him. I felt this need to be close to him and know him and everything about him, I was desperate to be on his team for the event just so I could be close to him. I was so excited for the next event, hoping to be able to see home again and was devastated when he wasn’t there. After joining the org I spent a lot of time around him and found myself trying to impress him, look good when I knew he would be around and I found my self devastated when he would talk about other girls or date other girls. I have felt this way about a few different guys since high school, but none as strong as with him.
With my current partner (m) we met online. I remember being on our first date and just talking effortlessly for hours, I wanted him to kiss me after and was a bit disappointed when he didn’t. I loved his voice and his beautiful eyes. On our second date we were walking around this big beautiful park in the area, he was being silly and making me laugh and I can remember wanting to hold his hand so badly. Again we ended up talking for hours, and I was mesmerized by his storytelling and didn’t want to leave. I wanted to spend all of my time with him and be with him as much as I could. I had a very sheltered and not very sex positive upbringing (working on this is therapy) so I can be anxious about sex. I have never had penetrative sex but my partner and I engage in lots of other sexual activities. There are times that I am not as into it, but other times I absolutely love it, get so turned on, feel like I could be sexual with him all night and think why don’t we do this more often?
There have definitely been other guys I have gone out with that may have been more of me seeking validation rather than having an actual interest in the person, but I have definitely felt differently about some men than others. I feel like I can tell the difference in liking them as a friend and being attracted to them.
Along with the anxiety and racing I thoughts, I’ve started to have some intrusive sexual thoughts. Several months ago I was having a conversation with a coworker I’d known for a couple years and all of a sudden I had this image in my head of us making out. This caused me a lot of panic, stress and anxiety. A couple weeks ago I was having a conversation with a different co worker whom is older them me and kind of a mentor and noticed that I started feeling a tingly sensation in and around my vulva which caused me to panic about if that feeling means that I am sexually attracted to her.
These thoughts, mental images and sensations are agonizing and I find I’m constantly trying to find an answer about all the things racing around my head.
If you’ve made it this far, thanks and I’m sorry if it’s TMI. Any advice or support is appreciated. Is what I have felt/feel towards men attraction or could it be comphet? Does this sound like attraction to women, or could it just be the anxiety? Could I be bi or lesbian?

Hi! I’ve experienced vulvodynia in combination with interstitial cystitis and pelvic floor dysfunction for 6 years. It’s been a rough journey going through being misdiagnosed & procedures that weren’t correct for my body. I’ve finally discovered some things that have given me relief & I’m trying to share the information where I can. I am still learning and collecting research to this day! This is what I have so far and I hope it helps some of you.
The burning can be caused by a variety of things - diet, nervous system dysregulation (stress, anxiety, etc) , hormones and even dryness of the vagina.

• Diet: work with a dietician to potentially do an elimination diet to find out if you have any triggers.

Callie K is 1 of 2 IC dietitians in the world. She is amazing! Vulvodynia is usually connected with IC. She experiences IC & vulvodynia herself. She post a TON of helpful information & has a support group you can join for even more info where I have learned a ton of helpful tips for managing my symptoms. You can also work with her 1 on 1.
Facebook/Instagram/TikTok: callieknutrition
Spotify/Apple Podcast: IC You
https://www.callieknutrition.com
​

• Nervous system dysregulation: yoga, meditation, diaphragmatic breathing, pelvic floor physical therapy, vaginal dilators will all help with this. Talk therapy highly recommended & potentially medications. Somatic exercises can also help as well!

The video linked below shows the exact stretches I do at the time of experiencing burning that give me relief. I also regularly do yoga routines from this channel: Boho Beautiful Yoga. They have many routines for gentle flows, sore muscles, hip focused, etc. Yoga has made a HUGE difference for me. It works as a preventative of flares for me & I noticed a major improvement in my symptoms once I introduced yoga into my routine.
"Best Stretches for Hip Pain & Tightness / Sore Muscle Yoga Release"
https://youtu.be/kSY-doiutzo?si=rvu_iYVXmXLGqwTy
Somatic exercises: TheWorkoutWitch - Instagram / tiktok
I sign up for the free resources & I have also purchased the "Release Stress & Trauma" course. I believe it used to be called free the hips course. She recommends it for pelvic floor issues. A link to her resources is below.
https://msha.ke/theworkoutwitch?fbclid=PAAaZeiOmEauorT330nRSYo1gmAtUaxEp-CLcAnGDad-bZ2-ZgvTfRpXMGY8M_aem_AWFO5plPwlcBK1WJ4Py_6wvWQf_PjVRG3FBdLUotrkvdY1zIWQqYoZMWsX7uYpTzavU
Breathing exercises I just recently learned about !
YouTube : Wim Hof
"Wim Hof Method Guided Breathing For Beginners"
https://youtu.be/0BNejY1e9ik?si=vDvmu8kOZnIEUDKA
If you are in Ohio I highly recommend Elevate Physical Therapy & KATIE MEIBERS. She made me feel very welcome & extremely comfortable. The whole clinic is for females.
https://www.elevatepelvicpt.com
Intimate rose is a wonderful brand of vaginal dilators that was recommended by my PT.
https://www.intimaterose.com
Your PT will help you with using a vaginal dilator but here are some free online resources.
azia_mery on TikTok & Instagram
Free pdf guide - holistic approach to recovery
https://www.revivalphysio.ca/experiencing-pain-with-sex
Support group !!!! Tons of helpful info !!
https://dilato.thinkific.com/pages/free-resource-list?utm_source=hoobe&utm_medium=social
See files attached to this post: How to use pelvic wands. I have a Guide to pleasure that was created by Azia that I can email to anyone that is interested. I was unable to attach it here and couldn't find the link!
​

• Hormones: This one is complicated & you have to find what is best for you & your hormone levels. I currently have an IUD instead of taking the pill. Seed cycling can potentially help balance hormone levels. It’s very simple! I have just started trying this out! (See screenshot attached from a Callie K class learning about managing flares!)

Info about seed cycling here!
https://nourishedbynutrition.com/seed-cycling-for-hormone-balance/
​

• Dryness: applying Aloe Vera directly to the vagina/vulva daily or as needed can provide/prevent relief of burning. Lidocaine cream can also provide relief. I only use aloe and apply it daily as a moisturizer, at night like a masque, & at the time of a flare for relief. I have seen recommendations for using a fingertip amount of cold pressed unrefined, organic coconut oil at night to improve hydration. I will list some product options for hydration below!

This is what I use! Concentrated Aloe Vera
https://desertharvest.com/shop/aloe-vera-gele
I also use Good Clean Love moisturizing vaginal gel with aloe! It can also be inserted and comes with an applicator.
https://goodcleanlove.com/products/restore-moisturizing-vaginal-gel?variant=40302557331640
Lidocaine cream
https://desertharvest.com/shop/releveum-skin-repair-cream
Coconut oil - organic unrefined cold pressed Sam’s club has a great deal but you can get it pretty much anywhere.
https://www.samsclub.com/p/members-mark-organic-virgin-coconut-oil-56oz/prod22041058?xid=plp_product_1
Vmagic vulva balm
VMAGIC Vulva Balm Vulvar Balm Vulva Moisturizer – Medicine Mama
For intercourse lubricant I use the good clean love or aloe glide by desert harvest.
https://desertharvest.com/shop/aloe-glide
I do want to add that I know with vulvodynia sexual intercourse can be terrifying. Especially when it can induce the pain! When I started physical therapy I thought they were going to tell me I shouldn’t have sex for a while … but my PT encouraged me to continue. I’m so glad she did. I was giving up hope! I was experiencing so much discomfort with sex especially burning afterwards (for days). I had burning almost 24/7. I remember telling my current boyfriend when we first started dating that I didn’t know if I could have sex or not. It was traumatizing and embarrassing! He was so supportive & we are together still now 10 months later. In time after going to PT in combination with having an understanding & supportive partner - sex actually helped improved my symptoms tremendously & still helps me to this day! So I just wanted to provide encouragement that it can actually help you! I think of it similar to using a dilator but it’s much more enjoyable & you’re obviously in a state of accepting insertion. I just take my time with it prior to insertion/intercourse to make sure I am ready, use plenty of lube & of course my partner is patient with me! So I went from thinking I couldn’t have sex to making it part of my treatment (the best part!) Please don’t give up! I hope telling part of my story helps some of you.
Here are some other things that I have noticed help me on a daily basis! Everyone is different so please keep in mind that what works for me may not work for you! Most of these things are proven to be helpful/effective or at least not harmful!
•Organic coconut water with no added ingredients or sugar - should be pink in color - harmless harvest or Trader Joe’s
•Drinking at least a 1/2 gallon of water a day (filtered or spring water)
•Aloe Vera capsules, Quercetin, & Joint supplement from desert harvest
•Magnesium Gluconate tablets especially around/during menstruation.
•Taking Prelief before or after meals if I’m concerned or know I ate something triggering.
•Eating as organic & healthy as possible including as many superfoods as possible especially foods with anti-inflammatory properties.
•Limiting my intake of acidic foods & processed foods
•Eating multiple small meals throughout the day vs eating a few large meals
•Eating gluten free
•Eating dairy free as much as possible
•Tropical smoothie cafe smoothies!
•Wearing 100% cotton underwear that is not too tight & comfortable bottoms when needed / bottoms that aren’t too tight specifically on my waist/pelvic area
•Sleeping without underwear or recently I started sleeping in just super comfy boy short underwear (that doesn’t have a seam to cause irritation) after applying my masque of aloe
•Checking in with my breathing throughout the day and taking diaphragmatic breaths!
•SINGING! I have always loved singing but I just recently learned it stimulates your vagus nerve :) so sing your hearts out !! In combo with diaphragmatic breathing :)
•Daily walks with my dog
•Sunshine
•Anything you find relaxing, therapeutic, enjoyable!!!

it's becoming increasingly tiring being on this sub when people are constantly body shaming. saying a grown woman has the "body of a 12 year old" or that she's "not as hot as she thinks she is" or that she's "hearing up for an onlyfans" of even insulting how her vulva must look after birth is just gross and misogynistic.
snark is not an excuse for bigotry. snark is never an excuse for bigotry. you cannot insult someone for engaging in societal beauty standards, then turn around and shame that person when they don't fit into those standards.

Disclaimer: This post is meant to open a fair discussion and hopefully help me find new insights and knowledge to better define behaviour that I have witnessed. Please try to be as precise as possible when using (science related) terminology.

TL;DR: A friend of mine (M, 35), let's call him X, seemingly has contradictory behaviour and views concerning women. X is very considerate and caring towards any woman I've ever seen him interact with, including myself, but has, at times, expressed very negative views towards feminism. And then there was "the incident".

I've known X for 15 years now and I can say with utmost certainty that he is a gentle, well-mannered and upstanding guy who treats women with respect and kindness. That said, he has - on multiple occasions - gotten into heated arguments with me over feminism related topics. While he agrees that women should have the same rights as men, he's against:

• women quotas in companies
• gendering (our native language is German, which uses male/female modifiers for a lot of words)
• labels designating sexual preference (even cis)
• etc.

[Side note: I feel I need to mention that there is a point I do agree on with him, which is: being against feministic extremism (femi-nazis as they're called here), as I recognise that movement as a pure power play that attempts to gain absolute control and disregards any system aiming for true equality. Like any extremist movement, it's bad, basically.]
These are just a few topics off the top of my head and giving them to you in bullet points doesn't do his range of opinions on them justice but I'll try to explain them in a bit more detail if so requested in the comments.
"The incident" that I mentioned in the TL;DR happened last week at university during a 'culture, society & media' lecture focusing on health and (female) sexuality - past and contemporary. He intently listened during the lecture, and, as he stated afterwards, was genuinely intrigued by the content. Towards the end though, our lecturer mentioned an Instagram post featuring and promoting female genital representation. This post also included a book showcasing pictures of different vulvas. X then raised his hand and asked the lecturer, in what I can only describe as a very emphatic voice, "Why do we need a book about vulvas?"
As if he'd dropped a lemon scented bomb in the lecture hall, you could almost feel the hackles raise of nearly everyone and several girls turned around and damn near hissed at him like cats. Although the question was directed at the lecturer, she redirected the question to the other students asking them "Why DO we need a book about vulvas?" (This felt a bit cowardly of her to me.)
What ensued was a bit of a verbal mud fight and, tbh, I don't exactly recall what was being said, on either side. One of his main points, I believe, was that women don't need a book to find themselves attractive (and represented), he believes women to be strong enough to look down at what they have and feel beautiful/normal without needing a book (or something).
I was not okay with his (to me feeling like a very loaded) question but I tried to smooth things over by advocating for equality (as a proposed base tenant of feminism). I argued that if there is a book about vulvas, then there should also be a book about penises/scrotums (knowing under how much pressure men are in this regard as well).
That aside, after the lecture X and I got into a huge fight about this. I was genuinely hurt and baffled by the end because I do. not. understand. his perspective. I tried to make him understand how awful his question sounded, because (not just) I heard what he truly meant in the subtext (i.e. "We don't NEED a book about vulvas.") and he confirmed that in our discussion. But although he is of that opinion, he claims that he meant the question sincerely and that something another girl said in retort was interesting and insightful.
When I tried to make him understand how negative and aggressive and suppressive (?) his question made him sound, he didn't understand.
And this is the crux of my issue: I have this vague gut feeling about what lies at the heart of his negative views, but not the vocabulary to adequately express it. I also have a theory as to WHY he developed such views (in his early childhood) but I'm not a professional psychologist so I won't comment on that any further.
The only word that comes close to what I'm feeling describes his behaviour translates into "women-hostile" (directly translated) but this feels incorrect. In English, the actual word would be misogynistic but me being into etymology I looked up what that word actually means and it translates to "women - hate", which a. doesn't feel fitting either and b. is a word he seriously argued against. He refused to be called that, even though I specified that I do NOT believe him to be a misogynist and only use this word since I lack any other for what I am trying to express.
Put together, I do not understand how a guy who * treats women so well * has a very equality focused mindset * is generally sensitive and empathetic * and is quite intelligent cannot understand the need for representation. Or rather, why he has such an antagonistic reaction to the existence of such media, etc.
Even if he doesn't actively support this movement/development ... why not simply say "Oh, there's a book about vulvas? Aha.", and moves on. I personally don't care to see a book either about different vulvas, or penises, but neither am I against it - and if it helps someone else feel seen and accepted and "normal" then I'm happy it exists.
Please, if you have insight or knowledge that might help me better define his seemingly contradictory behaviour and rhetoric, I would be most grateful if you would share it with me. I'm desperately looking for the right words and definitions to describe what I have witnessed over many years.
Please be kind. Thank you :)

Hey you beautiful people with a Vagina! 🌸 I’m in desperate need for Advice. Since a few months I experience a burning pain in my vagina and vulva during the PMS Time. Every touch burns like my skin is made of paper that easily rips apart. After sex or masturbation it unfortunately feels like I had poured acid or Tabasco down there. That only happens in the week before my period, after my period everything is perfect and easy again. I suspect it happens because of the low hormone levels during the pms time. Has anyone here experienced something similar and has any tips? I’m so frustrated and don’t know what to do anymore. :( Every Cream or Gel for Lubrication also burns like acid, even the mildest one from the pharmacy. I’ve got a Copper IUD and currently considering a hormonal IUD due to this issue…
Asking here for some Experiences since the next free appointment at my gyn is in like 6 months 🤡
(Sorry for the bad English, it isn’t my first language!) Thank you! <3

I’ve seen a lot of people ask how they can build a relationship with Hathor on reddit, in Kemeticism, Paganism, Occultism and other online communities, and thought I’d give one method that helped me. And that is first to experience Her through Her epithets. To have a relationship with anyone you should get to know them first. So what does each epithet mean? What do the epithets mean to you? How do they explain Her legends, Her Story? She has MANY, so many that it’s impossible to list!!! But, I’ve provided below the ones which I’ve meditated long and hard on, the ones Whom can help others understand Her. And the ones which you can easily and readily find information on. Enjoy your journey with Hathor.
Note ~ I have decided to purposely exclude certain epithets, i.e., the names of the 7 Hathors, the wild or domesticated cow, the lion, etc those are all for another post and deserve individualized analyses ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
And feel free to ask questions and add any other epithets that you want to include in on this list! By the way, a great way to use these epithets are in creating your own individualized prayers, petitions and spells to Hathor 🌹🌹🌹
List of Epithets
aSAt-rnw = She of Many Names
aSA xpr.w = She of Manifold(ed) Shapes/Forms
nTrt aA(.t) = The Greatest Goddess
nbt anx = Lady of Life ~ anx can also be the word for “mirror”, so another meaning is the “Lady of The Mirror”.
nfrt-Hr / ant Hr = She of The Beautiful Face; ant = The Beautiful One
nbt-mrt = Lady of Love
nbw.t = The Golden One
psDt m nbw = She That Shines As Gold; psDt m nbwt = She that Shines Like Gold
psDt m nnt m Xrt Hrw = She that Shines in The Sky Every Day
psDt ra nb m Axt iAbtt = She That Shines Every Day on The Eastern Horizon
psDt m pt tp dwAw ra nb = She That Shines in The Sky Every Day at The Beginning of The Morning
wnmy.t n.t Ra psD m dwA HAy Hr-nb m HDDw.t=s = The Right Eye of Ra who Shines in The Morning, Who Brightens Every Face With Her Rays
nb.t Ax.t = Lady of the Horizon
psDt iAbt = She Which Shines as The Left Eye (i.e., The Moon)
psDt m iAbt grx = The Left Eye that Shines in The Night
psDt(y) = She of The Dual Bright Ones (Sun + Moon)
nb.t mni.t = Lady of the Menit-Necklace; tA-mni.t = (She Who Is) The Menit-Necklace
nb(.t) tx = Lady of Drunkenness
nbt xbi = Lady of Dance
nb.t hnw = Lady of Jubilation/Joy; nb.t xntS = Lady of Joy; nb(.t) Aw.t-ib = Lady of Joy/Wide of Heart
Hnw.t nb.t hy = Mistress and Lady of Exultation
nbt Hwt ihhy = Lady of the House of Jubilation
sHb.t-mnDti = She of The Adorned/Festive Eyes
nb(.t) sSS.t = Lady of The sSS.t-Sistrum
Hnw.t sxm.w = Mistress of The sxm.t-Sistrum
Mwt-ntr = Mother of God
Hnw.t nTr.w nb.w = Mistress of All the Gods; Hnwt nTrw nTrwt = Mistress of The Gods and Goddesses
tp.t n(.t) tpy.w-a = First One of The Ancestors and-or First (Daughter) of The Ancestors. This ambiguity was probably deliberate, showing that Hathor can function in both roles simultaneously. This is interesting because it gives us an insight on Ancient Egyptian Ancestral Veneration through a Female Deity which was rare.
nb.ty(.t) rxy.t = Lady of The Wise One i.e., Lady of Humankind, or Lady of The Priest(ess)-Hood.
sAt ra = Daughter of Ra
nbt nbwt = Lady of Ladies
mwt mwwt = Mother of Mothers
nbt-jdt = Lady of The Vulva
nbt htp(.wt) is another epithet that eludes to the vagina/vulva through a play on words between a Semitic/Phoenician City, Offerings and the Field of Offerings in the Field of Rushes of which allegorically can be synonymous to Hathor’s Vulva
Ir.t-Ra = Eye of Ra
mry H.t-Hr mHny.t n(.t) Ra = Beloved of Hathor, The Uraeus of Ra
Hr(y)t-tp n ra = The Uraeus of Ra, lit: She Who Is On Top of Ra(‘s Forehead)
mHn.yt wr.t = The Great Uraeus
nbt pt = Lady of Heaven
(nbt) Hr.t = Lady of The Sky/Heaven. This is an interesting one because it eludes to the Female Horus as well as being the Lady of Heaven.
itn.t = the Female Sun Disk
Hnwt imnt = Mistress of the West; imntt = Mistress of the West (i.e., The Goddess)
HqA(t) m imntt = Ruler (fem) of the West
nbt AxAx = Lady of The Stars; nbt xAbAs = Lady of The Stars; HqAt xAbAsw = Ruler of the Stars; nbt sbAw (Greco-Roman) Lady of the Stars
nbt sbAw nw pt = The Lady of the Stars of Heaven
nbt mHyt = Lady of the North Wind
nb.t Iwn.t = Lady of Dendera
bHdtit = A nickname for “Hathor of Edfu”
nbt pwnt = Lady of Punt
nbt mDdt = Lady of Medjedet
nbt nht = Lady of The Sycamore (Tree). Also The Mistress of the Sycamore District (south of Memphis).
nbt nht rsy = Lady of the Southern Sycamore; nbt nht Smat = Lady of the Southern Egyptian Sycamore. Note: Sma is a word for Upper Egypt as a loc.
nbt nht m swt-s nbwt = Lady of The Sycamore in All Her Places (i.e., all the nomes of the Two Kingdoms)
nbt kbn = Lady of Byblos
nb.t jwn.t Hr.y-ib kbn = Lady of Denderah who resides in Byblos
nb.t mfk(A)t = Lady of Turquoise
nb.t Ssmt = Lady of Malachite
nbt wADt = Lady of Wadjet. Refers to The Goddess Wadjet, A Green Stone, and/or The Eye of Horus.
SAa.t SAa(.t) papa = Female Creator, who Was the First to Shine/Give Birth, another allegorical epithet, one that states that she was the first to shine and/or give birth.
SAa.t pw SAa xpr xnt = She is The Female Creator, Who First Came Into Existence at the Beginning
Hnsktit = She of the Plaited Hair; nbt-Hnskt = Lady of The Plaited Hair; nbt-Hnskwt = Lady of the Plaited Hairs
nb(.t) t = Lady of The Bread; nb(.t) t.w = Lady of The Breads
nb.t t ir H(n)k.t = Lady of The Bread Who Makes Beer
nbt kAw = Lady of Food, related to: nbt (m) Htpw = Lady of Offerings; nbt Htpt = Lady of the Offering. Note, in these cases Htp is more likely related to an offering, rather than the nb.t-Htp(.wt) mentioned before as the Lady of The Vulva.
nbt-Htp = Lady of Peace. Unrelated to above. Eludes to a tamed Hathor after The Eye of Ra’s Pacification Ritual.
nb(.t) Hr.w 4 = The Lady of the Four Faces
nb(.t) kA.w 4 = The Lady of the Four Kas
xpr TA.w 4 m xpr=s = The Four Winds Came to Be as She Comes to Be
nbt tA-dSr / nbt dSrt = Lady of the Red Land. Interestingly, this presumes an esoteric relationship with Seth, i.e., being the Female-Seth and a link to “The Left Hand Path”. One of a few epithets eluding to such a connection to the LHP ~ can you guess the other ones 😝
nb.t smyt = Lady of the Desert/Foreign Lands
irt ra aA(.t) nsrt = Eye of Ra, The Great Flame
nbt nsrt = Lady of Flame
sxmt = She who is Powerful (illusion to Sekhmet, i.e., Hwt-Hr-sxmt = Hathor The Powerful One; Sekhmet)
nbt nrw = Lady of Terror
nbt snDw = Lady of Fears; nbt snDt = Lady of Fear; nbt-sdAw = Lady of Trembling
dndn.t = The Raging One
nbt xAyt = Lady of Massacre
wnmt snfw = Eater of Blood
nbt-wpt = Lady of The Horn, i.e., in reference to the Horned Crown with the Sun Disc that is emblematic to Her; nbt-‘b = Lady of The Nail, i e., Lady of The Horn.
nbt-wpt-itn = Lady of The Horn of Aten
sDmt-sprw = Hearer of Petitions
sDmt-snmHw = Hearer of Prayers
Ddt = She of Stability
wrt-HqAw = She of Great Magic
nbt mAat = Lady of Truth

one of my issues with straight men (even if they're gnc) is that they like certain bodies with which i have a total disconnection / they're not like mine, basically, i feel that it wouldn't be appropriate to flirt with a guy who likes women with certain physical features (the vast majority) and i know that it's quite insane to ask for many men who like women specifically with "typically male body" AND hyper masculine gender expression, which is why i feel uncomfortable / distant from straight men in general
but there's also another thing that i dislike and that's the way in which the majority of men who like women see women, and i'm referring to a big thing including some women-liker FEMBOYS. seeing women as something beautiful and unattainable, goddesses to worship, their opposite physically!! with attraction to boobs, wide / round hips, high voices, vaginal hole, soft bodies, curvy, thick thighs, prettyness, fem face, femininity of expression, looks, energy, body, essence, etc. even the way of seeing genital, seeing it as vagina. focus on wet, tight, that envelops, etc, vulva as something like mouth lips that will eventually be open eating a penis, it disgusts me meanwhile i see my genital as only a hard big clit(lil cock). basically i HATE physical differences by sex so much, and i live in a way where my body and amab bodies are the same but with different genital (that are still very similar). that's how it is in my experience
and to exemplify, you know those femboys incels online that like femdom and hentai? or when you meet a super queer man and you stalk him or in one way or another you figure out that in his past (2 years ago) he consumed porn content (male gaze, het normative like hentai and femdom too) in such a way that it generates u rejection bc u see in the way he liked and perceived women? ok maybe i described a very specific situation but i've seen it too much, and honestly it doesn't hurt anyone to like the most typical female bodies, feminine features, the male gaze, desiring and seeing women like most men do, it just generates personal reject in me to relate with them. it feels as far from me as if it was a different sexuality (as if it was. i know i'm straight)

Hello! I tried some new perfumes this past month and I thought I’d share my thoughts on them.
Some background: I’ve been into indie fragrance for over a decade now. My favorite notes are vanilla, peach, lavender, cardamom, woodsmoke, and pomegranate. Death notes include cherry, headshop incense, and most white florals.
BPAL Pomegranate Ink (Pomegranate and ink)
Conceptually, this perfume seems like everything I could want. Perfectly gothic and just a little spooky. But will it live up to my expectations?

• In the bottle: Very fruity, but not sweet, almost like an unsweetened fruit punch. There’s also something dark and earthy in there (I would guess that that is the ink).
  
• On the skin: Its much less fruit punchy, and the earthy, dark, slightly metallic ink note is much more prominent. In fact, I’d say that this is mostly ink with some fruit in the background. I can see why people really like this combination and its very unique, but I don’t think its for me. I think I like the idea of the scent more than the scent itself.
  

3/5; Dark rivulets of ink with a whiff of pomegranate; very interesting, but for someone else.
BPAL Glowing Vulva at Ryogoku Bridge (Cream accord, amber, teak, and lotus blossom)
This scent is interesting, because BPAL technically released this before as a bath oil in 2008; this is the first time its been in perfume form, however. I’ve heard rave reviews of it and the notes seem to suit my taste, with one exception: lotus. Lotus is a tricky note for me. Sometimes, its a gorgeous, light watery floral, and other times, it smells like bubblegum, which I detest in perfume.

• In the bottle: Creamy, smooth, almost buttery, with a powdery woodsy quality.
  
• On the skin: The powderiness is more pronounced on the skin, but its still very creamy and smooth. It’s still woodsy, but now with an additional greenness to it from the lotus, which thankfully is not going bubblegum. Its very elegant and perfume-y, and reminds me a lot of a vintage ladies’ scent. I will say that I expected it to be sweeter than it is. I think this is nice but I’m not sure if its for me.
  

3/5; A feminine, powdery, very classic fragrance. Objectively nice, but not something I would wear.
BPAL French Tickler (Pomegranate and pink peppercorn)
Much like Glowing Vulva, this is another scent that BPAL released before in a different format; this was a hair gloss in 2018. I love pomegranate and peppercorn, so this was an easy buy for me.

• In the bottle: Same pomegranate note as the one in Pomegranate Ink, but its somehow both sweeter and more tart smelling. It’s not candy sweet at all, but there is something there that reminds me of Sweet Tarts candy.
  
• On the skin: This is gorgeous. The pomegranate is bright and punchy, but not too sweet at all. Its juicy and delicious. I can’t smell the peppercorn specifically, but I feel like its contributing to the brightness and preventing this from being too sweet. If Pomegranate Ink is Persephone in the underworld, this is Persephone as she returns to the surface and life springs from the ground around her. This is going to be wonderful for spring and summer when the weather is hot.
  

4/5; Bright, juicy pomegranate that isn’t too sweet. Great for warm weather.
Wylde Ivy The Moon Never Beams (Split vanilla beans, tonka infused cream, vanilla sugar musk, and just a whisper of vanilla orchids.)
When I saw that Wylde Ivy was releasing a collection inspired by the work of Edgar Allan Poe, I knew I was doomed. I am a Poe Hoe™. I absolutely adore his work, and have several poems of his memorized. I also adore vanilla scents, so I couldn’t resist getting one of the LE bottles.

• In the bottle: Sweet, floaty vanilla, almost like cotton candy. Specifically, it reminds me of another fragrance I have, Outremer Vanille.
  
• On the skin: Okay, this smells so familiar to me that I actually dug around in my collection to figure out what it reminds me of: take Alkemia Ghost Fire, mix it with Arcana Haint, remove the pepper, and this is what you get. The cotton-candy sweetness is gone, and what remains is a gorgeous, gossamer, pale vanilla with wisps of vanilla orchid. This is the scent of a ghostly woman in a white dress diaphanously floating down the halls of a crumbling mansion. You see a figure out of the corner of your eye, but when you turn to look, all you catch a glimpse of is the lacy hem of her dress whispering around a corner. Another scent in the same category as this is BPAL Zorya P., but this scent is less sweet and watery and more ethereal. For such a delicate scent, it has surprising lasting power; I could still lightly smell it after taking a shower, as a beautiful vanillic skin scent.
  

5/5; I think this is a must for non-gourmand vanilla fans and I’m really happy I went for the big, fancy bottle.
Wylde Ivy The Black Cat (Bourbon vanilla pods, sugar musk, spiced incense, white patchouli mist, night blooming jasmine, and ambered resin.)
I decided to take a risk on this scent. All of the notes are ones I like except for the jasmine. Jasmine smells great objectively, but on me, it has a tendency to smell really indolic and almost putrid. In fact, only one jasmine scent has ever worked on me (Pulp Fragrance Portrait of Josette). But I figured I’d give this one a shot in the hopes that the other notes would temper the jasmine.

• In the bottle: Mostly jasmine, with resin. I’m scared.
  
• On the skin: The sugared incense is what I’m mainly getting, flanked by the white patchouli and the jasmine. There’s something weirdly fruity about this despite, fruit not being a note. It’s not as bad as I was expected based on how it smelled in the bottle, but its not for me.
  

2/5; fruity sugared incense and jasmine. Not quite a scrubber, but I’m not a fan. Destash.
Wylde Ivy Mist and Moonlight (Swirling tendrils of sheer vanilla meet notes of white amber, benzoin, aged cedarwood, roasted tonka beans, pink peppercorn, and moonlit musk.)
This seemed to be in a similar vein as The Moon Never Beams, with some extra notes that I generally like. A pretty safe bet.

• In the bottle: I barely smell anything? Maybe a hint of the peppercorn, but that’s it.
  
• On the skin: I can smell stuff now, but its still a very light fragrance. This is very much a skin scent. I’m getting mainly amber, benzoin, and pepper. It’s nice and inoffensive, but still so, so faint that I might as well not be wearing perfume, honestly.
  

2/5; pretty skin scent, but so light that it’s not worth it. Destash.
Sorcellerie Snow Moon Magic (Lavender sugar, vanilla steamed milk, chai spices, tonka bean, Cashmeran, Ambroxan, crystals charged by the moonlight (our crystal accord), marshmallow, cookie butter, and Tahitian vanilla.)
Sorcellerie is a house that I’ve heard rave reviews of that I haven’t had a chance to try until now. Of course, I had to go with this scent, which is probably the house’s most popular. The milk is a little worrisome (it can sometimes smell curdled on me), but everything else sounded divine.

• In the bottle: Lavender and something sweet. Not really picking up anything else at the moment.
  
• On the skin: The cookie butter comes out strongly, and the lavender fades into the background. Its sweet and cozy, and reminds me of Poesie Comfort, which is one of my favorite scents. There’s a hint of the chai spices in there. I’d say that this is gourmand but not foodie; the lavender and ambroxan keep it from smelling too much like food. That said, I destashed it. Why? Because throw and longevity are extremely low. Within an hour, I can’t smell it even after sticking my nose in it, and I’m a perfume slatherer.
  

3/5; a delicious cookie butter-forward gourmand. Smells like a fun indie coffee shop on a winter day, but no lasting power.
Hope y'all enjoyed my reviews!

Part 30
Beatrice Armstrong, It's Her Hundred And Thirty Third Birthday
Bea jumped on the strong woman's back and jammed the needle full of fentanyl into her neck, depressing the plunger. It was enough of the drug to kill an elephant. They'd been warned about these people, shown dossiers. This one was a member of the upstart cult who had switched sides. She was a former career criminal, tough and ruthless by nature. Bea knew she needed to be taken down quickly, and the fact that Edgar was laying on the ground with half of his head missing was a testament to the danger she posed.
"The fuck was that!" the woman shouted, reaching over her shoulder and grabbing Bea by the hair. With a yank that felt like it was powered by a diesel locomotive, she flung Bea through the air to smack into a tree.
Her back exploded with pain as the breath was driven from her lungs in a sudden grunt. She hit the ground and groaned as her bones began the slow, torturous process of healing. She rolled onto her hands and knees and looked up just in time to see the woman shove Gutfield to the ground and began pummeling his head.
"Did you stick her?" Oscar asked as he grabbed one of Bea's arms and pulled her up. Bea cried out as her back objected to the movement, but she waved off Oscar's attempt to get a better grip on her and forced herself to straighten up completely.
"Yeah," she gasped, then lurched forward with another cry, shoving Oscar back and collapsing on top of him with another flare of pain from her back. Gutfield's body flew through the air right where they'd been standing and slammed into the same tree she'd hit. He collapsed and didn't move.
"Are you sure?!" Oscar demanded. Bea got back to her feet.
"I'm positive!" Bea said, then added breathlessly, "Holy shit..."
Oscar turned to where Bea's eyes were focused and he jerked in surprise at the sight of the strong woman, fists clenched at her side, the broken rifle still hanging from her neck in two pieces. She was glaring at both of them and bellowing like a raging bull.
"Oh shit," Oscar said. The woman took a step forward, making both of them jump back. She took another step.
"I'm gonna rip your dick off," she snarled, pointing a finger at Oscar, "and shove it up her watermelon."
Bea blinked. The woman turned her finger to Bea.
"Your... You have... Why are you so... Bendy?"
With no further explanation, the woman tipped forward like a felled tree, faceplanting into the ground.
"Holy shit," Oscar said.
"How's Gutfield?" Bea asked. Oscar turned slowly away from the passed-out woman and bent over the other man. A moment later, he shook his head.
"Dead," he said.
"Shit, she killed three of us," Bea said. Her back was still hurting, a dull pounding that beat a tempo in time with her racing heart.
"Call it," Oscar said. "We knew this was going to be dangerous. That's one down, one to go. After that, we'll have the girls."
"I'm hungry," Bea said, eyeing the woman. She pulled her phone out of her pocket and unlocked it.
"Not until we've told David that we have the girls," Oscar said. "He was clear on that."
"Fine," Bea said. She made the call.
"You got her?" Harry asked in lieu of a greeting.
"Yeah. Gutfield, Edgar and Mary are dead, though."
"We knew she was going to be the more dangerous one. That's why you old farts got her. We got the other one. We're in the clear, let's get started securing them."
Bea hung up.
"We're clear to proceed," she said.
"Good," Oscar replied. "Let's truss her up, then. I got these handcuffs." He walked over to Mary's body and pulled cuffs out of her back pocket, then moved to Edgar's body and retrieved a set from him. Bear got Gutfield's cuffs, then pulled out her own.
Two pairs went around the woman's ankles. Two more around her wrists, and the last, they used to hook them all together. A ball gag came next, shoved into her mouth and tied tight around her head. Over that, they wrapped a flexible bandage, winding it around and around and tying the ends tightly together. A sleep mask went over her eyes, then another flexible bandage over that. Earplugs went in her ears, and then earmuffs over those. Finally, Oscar grabbed the rope and began winding it around and around the woman's limbs.
It took fifteen minutes to get her tied up in the manner they'd been warned would be necessary. The final touch was the latest addition to their kit; a suppression collar stolen from the raid on the prison.
"Jesus," Oscar grumbled. "If I hadn't seen her fight, I'd have never believe this was necessary."
"I'm worried it might not be enough," Bea said.
"It better be. She's gonna wake up pissed."
Bea's phone rang. She saw that it was Harry and accepted.
"Yeah," she said.
"We got the dude tied up and I contacted the third team, we're moving in. Meet us at the house."
"Got it," she said and hung up. She met Oscar's eyes. "Let's move in."
----
Moving silently through the night was something that came as naturally to Bea as breathing. Ever since her rebirth, the methods and means of bringing sudden, unforeseen death to mortals had been a part of her. No pine needles crackled underfoot, no low-hanging branches rustled at their passing.
They were creeping death, moving closer and closer, drawing in to take down the humans who owned the house, and to take the girls they sheltered back to their master. They were as inevitable as the dusk, the creatures of the night.
So it was that the first scream caught her off guard.
It ripped through the night, a scream not of terror, but of pain. Shouting voices joined it, barely audible under the horrible wail.
"That's the other team!" Oscar gasped.
"Come on!" Bea cried. They took off, running through the woods towards the commotion. Bea rushed as fast as she could, weaving around trees with a grace she had never had before her rebirth.
Her sense of grace and agility came crashing down as the scream cut off and she caught something soft with her foot. She went flying, eating dirt as she tumbled through the ground cover.
Oscar kept running past her, legs pumping as she scurried to her feet. She turned, then gasped. Christine's face stared back at her, unmoving, the top of her head caved in, distorting her once beautiful features into a parody of their former glory.
"Christine?" Bea gasped, but the other woman didn't respond.
Bea took a step back, and then a new scream sounded out. This one was masculine. Another scream of agony. Bea turned and ran on.
She passed through a thicket to find a scene she couldn't quite grasp. Harry lay on the ground, one of his legs bent at an impossible angle. He was the one screaming. Next to him lay a mess that she couldn't identify. She knew it was one of them, but the limbs had been smashed out of shape, and the head was nothing but chunks in a large pool of blood on the ground.
Oscar was charging something... Wrong. It was red and orange and brown, glinting sickeningly in the scattered moonlight. It was a creature of claws and fangs and wings and scales, and as Oscar threw himself at it, it beat its wings once and launched into the air.
In the split second it took for the thing to vanish, Bea caught a glimpse of a feminine form in some kind of armor, framed by both wings. It clutched a large shield and some kind of mace in its hands.
Oscar stared after it for a second as Bea caught up to him. He glanced at her, then walked over to Harry, still screaming and growling.
"Shut up!" he snapped. He grabbed Harry's ankle, put a foot in his crotch and yanked it out straight. Harry screamed even louder as the bones were pulled more-or-less back into place. Oscar let go, stumbling back.
"Shut up!" he yelled again. Harry continued to howl and growl, grabbing at his shattered knee and rocking back and forth. Oscar turned to Bea. "I'm gonna kill him if he doesn't shut up," he said.
Bea nodded. "What was that thing?" she asked.
"That's Sookie," Oscar said.
"The fuck? I've seen her picture, seen her on the television. How is that her?"
"Sookie's not a human, Bea," Oscar said. "She's one of the old gods."
"She's an asura?" Bea asked. Oscar nodded. "Yeah. She's not like most of them, though. She's self-loathing, self-harming, self-hating. Shit got turned inwards with her. Most of the asura hate everything but themselves. Sookie hates herself, and nothing else."
"She looked like a normal asura to me," Bea said.
"She's not."
Another scream ripped through the woods. That would be coming from the third team, the largest team, she thought. It was coming from the north.
"Are you sure about that?" she asked. Then she looked around. "Where's the rest of Harry's team?"
Harry was down to growling and moaning by this point, still rocking back and forth, holding his knee.
"Harry," Oscar said. "Harry!"
"What?!" Harry snapped. Oscar rounded on him. "Where's the rest of your team?"
"Jim and Debra ran off when... When that thing attacked us," he growled.
"That's Sookie, dumbass. She's just in her normal form," Oscar replied
"How the fuck is that her normal form?!" Harry demanded. "She was the goddess of sex, for fuck's sake."
"She's an asura, Harry," Bea said. "That's what they look like."
"Whatever the fuck it is, it killed Christine," Harry said.
"We need to get her all at the same time," Oscar said. "She can't kill all of us."
"We're supposed to take her alive," Bea reminded him. Oscar just shrugged.
"Shit happens," he said. "We need the others for the ritual. The Dark Lord wanted Sookie for something else."
----
They waited until Harry could take weight on his legs, and then they ran towards the scream. It had stopped while Harry was still healing, but they knew where the third team should have been. The third team was the backup, their reinforcements in case something went wrong. Of course Zoe, who was in charge of the third team, was not answering her phone.
They found them right where they should have been. Well, most of them, anyways.
Bea found Pete when they arrived. "What happened?" she asked.
"I don't know," Pete admitted with a shrug. "Some fucking red lizard thing flew down and snatched Zoe. It took her into the air, then dropped her. She broke both of her legs."
"Where is she?" Bea asked.
"That dragon-thing came back. It hit Nelly with a fucking club, killed her right off. Smashed her fucking head in. Then it grabbed Zoe and flew off again. Zoe stopped screaming like a second after she got snatched. I don't know where it took her."
Bea frowned. This didn't make any sense.
"Why is she flying around hitting us like this?" she asked.
"It caught Zoe in the act of lubing herself up for Frankie," Pete said. "I told Frankie that it was the wrong time to run off for a fucking lay, but you know how those two are."
"Fucking hell," Bea said. "Why doesn't she just come out and fight?"
"Why do you keep saying she?" Pete asked.
"Because it's Sookie," Bea said. Pete's eyes widened. "For real?"
"That's what Oscar said," Bea admitted. "He seemed pretty sure."
"Jesus," Pete muttered. "We should have brought a fucking horde."
"The prison ate into our reserves," Bea said with a shrug.
"Don't we have billions?"
"Maybe a billion," Bea said. Pete knew that she had seen the ice fields where the corpses were kept. She used to work with the preservation group.
"We have to pace ourselves," she went on. "We need most of them for the final battle."
"Still. We could have spared a couple hundred for this."
"Probably, but it's not my call."
----
They moved out as a group. Oscar took command and Harry let it happen, spooked by his encounter. Under Oscar's orders, everybody had retrieved guns from the stash the third team was guarding. With the guns, they had bags of blood. Everybody got one or two; fresh blood from their human followers and their prey. They filled their bellies, healing their wounds and filling their bodies with strength.
They moved off in a circle around the house, rather than proceeding directly to it. There were nine of them. All armed. All blessed with the Dark Lord's favor. All creatures of the night, death given form.
Less than halfway there, the sound of massive wings ripped through the night and a flash of red swooped down, snatching a straggler. All of the vampires turned, raised their guns and opened fire.
The creature jerked as bullets tore through her. The victim in her hands, Eustace, also spasmed with the gunfire. As they all got their aim settled, she fell from the sky. A loud snapping sound accompanied the rustle of her and her chosen victim crashing into the underbrush, and Eustace raised his voice in a scream of pain.
The demon lay next to him, curled up. One of Eustace's legs was bent awkwardly, but he bit down on his scream, turning it into a growl as he crawled away and pointed his gun at her. He emptied his magazine, her wings twitching with each shot.
"I think we got it," Dennis said. A few nervous chuckles sounded in response. Bea wasn't so sure. She reloaded her 1911, then stepped forward. She kicked Sookie's shoulder, rolling her onto her back, and aimed the gun at her face.
The demon's eyes opened. She met Bea's gaze.
"You should have just stayed with your girls," Bea said. A couple others gathered around her as well.
Sookie coughed. "Yeah, well, you guys don't have souls."
Bea frowned. "What's that mean?" she asked.
Sookie smiled at the same time that Oscar shouted "get back!" Bea didn't hesitate, diving away as the forest filled with light and a wall of heat slammed into her back. Screams rose from those who hadn't reacted in time. Bea tumbled, but kept her balance, turning her fall into a roll that brought her back to her feet. She spun to see a massive bonfire where the demon had lain.
Burning figures stumbled away, their hair and clothes already gone. As Bea watched, they each stumbled and fell, unmoving. She raised her gun and emptied it into the fire. The sound of her gunshots broke the spell for the others, and more guns joined in.
They fired endlessly, the varying levels of ammo remaining in their magazines ensuring that no two of them reloaded at the same time. Bea squinted at the flames, spotting Sookie's silhouette inside. As she continued to fire, the demon stepped forward.
Her wings and shoulders twitched with the gunshots. Her tail whipped around, nervous and eager. She stepped out of the flames, and Bea could see that her shield was wrought in the image of a vulva, a small hourglass glowing in the bottom. Bea reloaded again and continued to shoot. She could see now that most of the bullets were striking Sookie's shield, and those that weren't merely punched holes that bled for a second before closing up.
Bea began to feel nervous.
Sookie moved completely out of the flames, turning into a red-rimmed silhouette with glowing red eyes. One by one, the vampires ran out of ammo and stopped shooting. The fire began to die down, turning into a ring of low flames. As Bea's eyes adjusted, she could see that the demon was still smiling.
"You came here to hurt my friends," she said. Her voice was so human it almost made Bea's head spin. It was such a contrast with the sight of her.
"Fuck you," Oscar snarled, drawing his big bowie and surging forwards. He rushed her, slashing left and right. Sookie all but ignored him, not even bothering to block his attacks. After the fourth swing, she cocked her weapon hand back and Bea felt a shock of cold certainty.
The mace flew forward, smashing into Oscar's head with a spray of blood, quickly joined by chunks of skull and brain. Oscar dropped, most of his head simply gone.
"LEAVE MY FRIENDS ALONE!" Sookie shrieked and rushed forward.
Bea darted away.
Shouts sounded out, followed by screams. Bea could hear the impact of the mace, a deadly tempo that chased her through the night. She heard more footsteps, others smart enough to flee, rather than fight. She looked left and right and saw Pete and Harry, running through the woods alongside her.
The shouts and screams faded away, as did the sick crunching of the mace.
Bea slowed, the others following her lead. They joined her.
"What the fuck are we gonna do?" Harry asked.
"Let me think," Bea said.
"Shit, this whole job has gone tits up. It's just my fucking luck," Pete griped. Bea smirked at him.
"Today's my birthday," she said.
"How old?" Pete asked.
"One hundred and thirty three ," Bea said.
"Lucky number," Harry added.
"Not that lucky," Bea retorted. She frowned, trying to figure out what to do.
"The asura don't have taps into the flow of magic," she mused. "They have to draw in their power. Which means she has a limited amount of magic. If we hurt her enough, she'll run out. Then we can stop her."
"How the fuck are we going to hurt her when one smack of that fucking club took Oscar's head clean off?" Harry demanded.
"You're not," Sookie said from behind them. All three spun.
"Get her!" Pete shouted, rushing forward. Bea had a split second to realize that the hourglass shape at the bottom of the demon's shield was glowing even more brightly now. Then something happened.
The hourglass flashed. Pete collapsed. Not like he'd been killed, but like his body simply stopped being able to hold itself together. He collapsed into a pile of gore that spread itself out over the forest floor. Harry turned and ran, leaving Bea to face the demon by herself.
She felt the fear, now.
She stood there with no options. She had nothing that would hurt her. Nothing but a pocketknife. Her heart beat, heard and fast, pumping stolen blood through her veins. Her chest heaved, sucking in air that she didn't need, but couldn't stop herself from breathing. Her hands trembled, empty at her sides. She didn't remember dropping her gun.
Sookie took a step forward. Bea braced herself, imaging a hot explosion and then nothing. Sookie took another step, and then her wings flapped. Bea was knocked back by the force of the wind, taking a step back to stabilize herself.
Then she blinked. Sookie was gone.
----
Ten minutes later, Bea reached the trucks they'd taken to get here. She'd heard Harry screaming again, a scream that had been abruptly cut off. She knew what that meant. At this point, fleeing wasn't even just a matter of self-preservation. She had to return, to report what had happened. They had written Sookie off as a non-threat, but that was wrong. David needed to know.
She dug the keys out of her pockets, her hands still shaking. They felt bloated, something she hadn't experienced in over a century. Her knuckles were stiff and a hollow ache spread through her palms as she fumbled her way to unlocking the door.
She climbed inside the truck, an ancient nineteen-eighties model Chevy. She climbed behind the wheel, pulled the door shut and locked it, then started it up. As the engine roared to life, she finally relaxed, breathing out a huge sigh of relief.
"That was close," she said.
"I'll say," said a voice right next to her.
Bea screamed, hurling herself against the closed door without even the wherewithal to grab for the handle. She smashed her head painfully against the window, then turned.
It was a woman. A slim woman with shoulder-length, dark hair. She was naked, with modest breasts and a willowy cast. It took Bea a moment to recognize her.
"Sookie," she said. The woman smiled and stuck out a hand. Bea stared at it.
"You're supposed to shake it," Sookie said. Bea reached out tentatively, wondering if Sookie was going to rip her arm off.
Instead, she took it and gently kissed Bea's knuckles.
"Your name?" she asked.
"B-b-Beatrice," Bea said. "Bea."
Sookie giggled. "Bee," she said. "You're buzzing. It's appropriate."
"What do you want?" Bea asked.
"I want you to leave me and my friends alone," Sookie said. The words sent a chill up Bea's spine.
"What are you going to do to me?" Bea asked.
"I would like to stick a hair curler up your butt to warm you up and then find out if your pussy tastes as bad as it smells." Sookie cocked her head to the side and winced. "Sorry," she went on. "No offense, but I have a sensitive nose for pussies, and yours kinda smells like a dead fish."
Bea blinked, caught off guard by the insults.
"It doesn't bother me. Stinky pussy is still pussy," Sookie said with a giggle, then she sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly.
"Unfortunately, I can't. I have a boyfriend," she said. Bea stared, her mind racing. She decided to keep this conversation going, because she didn't like the thought of the alternative.
"Eric doesn't like you getting with other women?" Bea asked. "Most guys are into that."
"Yeah," Sookie said with a sigh. "It's a shame. I've never had a vampire before. Well, not one like you. I let a male ghoul catch me once. He pinned me down and fucked the shit out of me. You know they have extremely long cocks? Like eighteen inches. Not a lot of girth, though. And they don't get as hard as most, so it kinda curls up in the posterior fornix and throbs there as they thrust. It's pretty nice."
Sookie stared out the window thoughtfully. "There were a couple of Ricians, too. They're just like normal humans, except they have more stamina. And then there's the Brujari. But I've never fucked one of them. They're bestial. I tried to let one rape me once, but it just wanted to keep trying to rip my throat out."
She sighed again.
"But you! You're undead. I've never fucked an undead."
Bea sat quietly, unwilling to ruin the conversation with anything she might say. She knew that a lot of the vampires still had libidos, but not her. She hadn't had so much as an idle fantasy since her rebirth. Even before that, she had only been with one man, and never even masturbated.
"So, uh..." Bea muttered after the silence stretched out for too long. "What, uh... What are you going to do?"
"You're going to put these one," she said, producing a pair of pink, fuzzy handcuffs. "Oh, they're real. The trick ones don't do it right for me. Knowing I can unlock them ruins it."
Bea took the cuffs and put them around her wrist. When she was done, Sookie reached over and checked the tightness. The door opened, and Bea spun to find the strong woman there.
"You really thought that five pairs of handcuffs and some rope were enough to hold me?" she asked. Bea just stared.
The lanky cowboy, the one Harry's group had subdued, walked up behind her.
"Welp," he drawled. "Looks like we got us a prisoner. Ah reckon' ah better call Julie."
Part 32

Since Gandharvá- & Kéntauros certainly come from a common Indo-European myth (horses, healing, stealing women), the similarity of these words should not be ignored but analyzed. Other figures in Greek myths have been compared to Sanskrit figures with similar names; if G. Kérberos \ Kérbelos : Skt. Śabala-, with irregular treatment of r-r, is good enough, why not this as well? Centaurs and the sometimes half-horse Gandharvas have been connected by scholars before regular sound changes were the norm. The fact that it is impossible to relate Skt. Gandharvá- & G. Kéntauros in standard Greek does not matter if a G. dialect shows changes that DO allow this connection.
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Greek ketauros for kéntauros ‘centaur’ (Whalen, 2023a) is certainly relevant for finding the etymology of this unreasonably disputed word. Since *n could be lost before *θθ that later became tt in Attic (*thálanKya > *thálanTya > *thálanθθa > G. thálassa, Att. thálatta, Dor. sálassa ‘sea’, Mac. dalágkha-), a similar change here would be relevant both in proving that kéntauros came from *géntharwos and that th represented a fricative in many dia. of Greek. This would exist in G. ánthrōpos ‘man / human’, Cr. antrōpos, Pamp. atropos, Mac. drṓps, with *n lost in *athrōp- > atropos, *adrṓps > drṓps. That Cr. had nth > nt here supports Kéntauros < *Kénthauros < *Génthauros. Since *g > k is clear in Cretan (glágos, Cr. klágos; Modern kolénēs ‘oak-grove’ probably comes < *koleno- < *gWlh(i)no- ‘acorn’, as Arm. kałin ‘oak’>> kałni ‘oak’), supposed problems with g : k here do not matter.
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G. -e- could easily be regular, since *gWemtu- > Skt. gántu- ‘course/way’, Av. jantu- shows that analogy could restore or retain KW (probably at a stage where K() > K^ before front). A form like *gWemdh(a)rwo- would fit fine. Finding the origin of these words depends on ALL their meanings. Why did the association in Skt. between Gandharvá-s and womb arise? The charm of saying, “You are the mouth of the Gandharva Viśvavāsu” to one’s wife’s womb was used to get her to quickly conceive. This seems based on 2 words sounding exactly the same: G. kéntauros ‘vagina’, Skt. gabhvara- ‘vulva’, gáhvara- ‘deep/impervious/impenetrable / depth/abyss/water / hiding place/thicket’. Since the Iranian *gandarǝba- / *gandǝrǝva- ( > Elamite kanturma ) / etc. also gave Av. gandarǝwa-, a water monster, it seems these are 2 separate mythical creatures. They share only a name, referring only to living in the deep waters or the depths of the woods (‘thicket’). This naming is similar to *gu(H)g^h- > Skt. gūhati ‘hide’, góha- ‘lair / hiding place’, *gu:gi-z > ON gýgr ‘giantess’. This is part of the evidence that the wives of the brutish giants were beautiful nymphs ((Whalen, 2022, 2023b), like the Centaurs/Nymphs and Gandharvas/Apsarases. Their association with water might come from both the shared name and contact with their wives/lovers (rivers and heavenly waters).
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Many would see *gWemdh(a)rwo- as from *gWemdhH2(a)rwo-. A relation with Skt. ga(m)bhīrá- ‘deep’ (*gWemdhH2ro- ?) depends on whether optional bh > h had intermediate *dh (since many dh > h in Skt). This seems extremely likely, considering many cases of b(h) / d(h) which would make most sense if from β / ð :
kakúbh- ‘peak/summit’, kakúd- ‘peak/summit/hump / chief/head’
kakubhá- \ kakuhá- ‘high/lofty/eminent’, kákuda- ‘chief/head/pre-eminent’
*k^red-dheH1- ‘trust/believe’ > L. crēdō, Skt. śraddhā-, śrambh- ‘trust’
*k^ubh- > śubh- ‘beautify/adorn/purify’, śudh- ‘purify/cleanse / make clean’
*sm-dhH1- > sa-hita- ‘(con)joined / united’, sabhā́- / sahā́- ‘assembly/congregation/meeting/council’
sribh-, srebhati ‘hurt/injure kill’, srídh- ‘failing/erring / foe/enemy’, srédhati ‘fail/erblunder’
skambhá-s ‘prop/pillasupport/fulcrum’, skandhá-s ‘stem/trunk/large branch’
*wr(a)Hdmo- > L. rāmus, G. rhádamnos / oródamnos ‘branch’, Skt. rambhá-s ‘prop/staff/support’, *rabhmá- > *ramma- >> TB rānme ‘a kind of medical ingredient’
Skt. khād- ‘chew/bite/eat’, khādá- ‘food’, B. khāb ‘mouth’
​
Taken together, the alternation in kakubhá- \ kakuhá-, kákuda- would implye *kakudha- at some stage. This would show *gWembh(a)rwo- / *gWemdh(a)rbho- or similar, with *v > bh perhaps partly related to *bh > dh (if stages with β / ð > bh / dh existed, causing optional β-v > β-β like s-ś > ś-ś ?).
​
Váruṇa-s & Ouranós
The double meaning of *gWemdh(a)rwo- is also relevant for making sense of Skt. Váruṇa-s ‘god (of sky/rain)’, váruṇa-s ‘water / fish’ ( RV 2.38.8 tells of fish, men, and cattle heading home to their assigned places for the night). This implies ‘water’ being original for both, as in *wudro-s ‘water animal / otter / snake’, etc. The existence of *werH- ‘water’ is implied by *werH-or- > Skt. vā́r(i) (with dissim of *r-r ). YAv vāra- ‘rain’, Gmc. *we:ra- ‘sea’ could show the same. When Lubotsky says that nom. *wedor- was *we’dor > *vaarǝ in Skt., he attempts to twist the evidence in favor of *d as glottalized > *H1, etc., when plenty of other IE evidence is against it. I have nothing against both roots being related more distantly, but the replacement of *wādar when it became so unlike udn- would not be unique. PIE *wers- ‘rain / water’ likely shows the existence of alternation of H / s, like many other IE words (Whalen, 2024b). In this way, *wrHano-s > *wurHano-s > Váruṇa-s / Varuṇá-s, *wrsano-s > *worsano-s > G. Ouranós can be united. Metathesis in Váruṇa-s is shown by Mitanni *wurHano-s > *Hurwano-s > ú-ru-wa-na- / *Harwuno-s > aruna-ššil.
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More in https://www.academia.edu/115937304

Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice. PLEASE get an official diagnosis from a medical professional before treating yourself.
Hi everybody,
I thought I would share my molluscum story here as I benefited quite a bit from everyone else’s tips, I hope my story can be helpful as well! :)
It all started in about November of this past year. In the shower when shaving around my vulva area I felt two little bumps right next to each other. Without examining them, I assumed they were in-grown hairs and just let them be. Flash forward to about the first week of January of this year when, after noticing I kept feeling them while shaving and they hadn’t gone away, I finally examined them. I was immediately horrified and very worried because though they looked like harmless, skin-colored bumps, they were like nothing I had seen on my body before. My mind immediately went to worst-case scenario thinking it was an STI of some kind. This also disturbed me as my partner and I have been each others only sexual partners for almost two years, so of course I also started spinning out about that. I also have diagnosed OCD and am a very anxious person so you can imagine how this kind of destroyed my psyche for a few weeks. When my gynecologist told me it was Molluscum and that I was free and clear of STI’s, I was of course relieved but then immediately horrified again when I realized just how annoying and mysterious this skin infection really is. I was very lucky to get it diagnosed so quickly, because all together I only noticed about 10 tiny bumps in the same area and only the original 2 had matured to full molluscum.
Long story short, I have absolutely no idea where I got them, my partner was completely clear as well so it’s unlikely I got it from them. Between this Reddit thread, Tik Tok, and my gynecologist, I think I can safely say I found an effective treatment combo. I really hope this helps somebody! Know that you’re not alone and that this shit will pass! I am nearly clear now, I still have some incubating bumps but they are almost annihilated lol.
Combo Treatment:

• Podofilox gel prescribed by a medical professional (I have a theory that this is not the most effective treatment but it was in my routine so I’m sure it had some impact)
  
• Extraction for mature bumps (getting the core out is the fastest way to get rid of them, but they have to be mature ones for this to work in my experience. you really have to work at them with a sterilized blackhead remover, ideally a double headed one with a needle tip on one end and a looped extractor on the other end, I got mine from Ulta Beauty lol. and of course, sterilize the shit out of everything with rubbing alcohol and wear gloves!! and yes like everybody said they do bleed a lot)
  
• A mixture of tea tree oil and iodine antiseptic solution (THIS IS THE KEY, honestly works like magic. I heard this one from a nurse on Tik Tok. When this mixture is put on a tiny bandage and placed over the bumps for a full day, you should see immediate improvement. I used cotton swabs and a tiny disposable cup to mix the solution together, I used even amounts of each. one thing to note is it might burn a tiny bit and it does stain your skin a little, but this is all temporary.)
  
• Taking an AHCC supplement for immune support (I bought on amazon from the brand “quality of life”. this has been proven to help minimize HPV symptoms and is a very potent form of immune support and I do believe this has had some impact of helping my skin fight the infection faster)
  
• also, I stopped shaving immediately upon being diagnosed, and I shower and wash my bed sheets and clothes very often. it is highly contagious and easily spreads, so make sure you stay on top of cleaning and washing your hands.
  

I hope this helps! Like I said before, this virus is incredibly annoying and can be mentally very taxing but it will get better and is not dangerous at all, it will go away!

I 32f came to Canada from an African country when I was five years old. When I was ten me and my family consisting of my mom, dad, older brother, younger sister and younger brother went back to my home country for a visit. Now my home country at the time female genital mutilation was a common cultural practice so when my grandma asked my mom if me and my sister had it done in Canada she said no and that it wasn’t allowed over there. My grandma quickly made arrangements and the next day me and sister had the procedure done. It wasn’t until high school that I realized what had happened to me and my sister and that it wasn’t normal. In health education they would show pictures of a normal vulva and I knew mine didn’t look like that because I did take a mirror and look down there before.
I went home and asked my mom why mine was different and she told me about female genitalia mutilation and I was very angry that she would allow me and my sister to go through that.
Fast forward to now, I’m married and have two beautiful daughters and with therapy I’ve come to terms with what has happened to me. Here is where I might be the asshole we had a family gathering with extended family and all the women were talking and the topic about FGM and thankfully in my home country it has now become a less cultured practice. My mom was proudly saying she is happy it isn’t done anymore and that it’s a disgusting act. I just listened and didn’t saying anything at the moment but on the drive home I couldn’t contain myself. I yelled at her that she was the blame for what happened when I was little and why didn’t she think it was disgusting back then and stopped my grandma from doing it. I told her a part of me will never forgive her for what happened and my mom started crying. She said she didn’t know any better and it was the cultural norm at the time. Seeing her cry did hurt my heart and I understand culture has a big impact so AITAH?