50th high school class reunion good seerch

This weekend, Ajax Budokan invited Kodokan 9th dan and former head of the Tokyo Police dojo, Michio Fukushima Sensei, to conduct a 4 hour clinic for Kodokan Goshin Jutsu. It was open to yellow belt and higher, though the majority consisted of Yudansha. My senseis had the honour of demoing the kata, as Fukushima Sensei's health did not permit presenting each technique multiple times, though he did show some of the finer details, demo mechanics, and gave comments as to what was good and displayed what could be fixed. He also talked about older versions of the techniques and how/ why they have been changed. Regretfully, it totally slipped my mind to film during the seminar, as there was a lot of good information, translated (and left untranslated) by the interpreter.
Some General Notes on Fukushima Sensei Fukushima Sensei on multiple occasions mentioned how one should carry themselves and move, more specifically he talked about how he usually sees toris get away with bad shisei as uke's attacks are generally to kind or passive, and that if they genuinely attacked, most toris would be off balance. Additionally he mentioned that a lot of IFJ competition now is power judo, where the technical aspects are replaced for brute force and speed.
The main note he makes is to keep the knees alive (slightly bent and bouncy like a spring), and that most novices have a tendency to straight leg their kata. He also made it a great point to explain the logic of the waza in the kata and how the kuzushi is created. Other important details he talked about were that uke shouldn't be a limp noodle once his attack is over, that tori should keep good sabaki (unclear if sabaki was short hand for tai sabaki as he also stated tai sabaki on different occasions (the details were paraphrased by the translator)), and the usage of rotation from the hips to maintain proper balance (tai sabaki). Additionally, he talked about things relating to karada (the body) and some anecdotes (such as stories about judoka such as Michigami, Isao Okano, and Nagaoka if I was hearing correctly, though I don't speak Japanese, only somewhat familiar with it), which were left untranslated or paraphrased sadly.
Emphasised details in the kata (not explanations or descriptions of how to do a technique) and my experiences (FYI Sensei mostly used the Tomiki names for the waza Tori applied)
Attacks when held

1. Ryote dori - my partner and I (both new to this kata for the most part) went in on this one and struggled as we didn't see the detail of thumb in hand for the lock (blind leading the blind, though we later worked near a kind pair after this who helped check more closely as they were experienced in the kata)
   1. Yahazu (hook shape for hand) is very important to direct uke's arm
   2. You aren't pulling the arm away to free it, you are pushing your elbow forward which pressures uke's arm
   3. Te gatana to the uto (point between uke's eyes)
   4. When applying the lock (te gatame), make sure to rotate uke's hand such that the fingers are pointing up
   5. When applying the lock, take the uke's arm in the direction perpendicular to the line made by his feet
2. Hidari eri dori - I particularly liked this one, though my uke was confused the first few times as he kept trying to apply waki gatame.
   1. Tori must grab underneath uke's hand on the lapel when stepping back
   2. When grabbing uke's hand to break the grip and apply the lock (kote hineri), tori should have his thumb in between uke's thumb and fingers, and to take the uke's arm in the direction perpendicular to the line made by his feet
   3. Uke should try to maintain jigo tai rather than lean so the lock is applied cleanly
   4. Tori's hand should not be limp when delivering the strike
3. Migi eri dori - I couldn't get kote gaeshi to work properly, will have to practice and ask my sensei about it later, same with my partner
   1. Tori should maintain a upright posture as uke pulls him forward, and use the landing of his foot to drive his hand for the uppercut to uke
   2. Tori should try to keep uke's hand attached to his centerline as he makes tai sabaki
4. Kata ude dori - My uke was very stiff, so applying the initial lock to him proved difficult, though he claims he felt it. I found this kata easy to remember as the legs go left right left right (step, step, tai sabaki, kick, then lead with the right for the lock)
   1. You are kicking with the side of the foot
   2. The step before the kick pivot around so your feet are almost parallel
   3. For waki gatame, you should be standing inside his feet, near parallel to the line perpendicular to his feet
5. Ushiro eri dori - I had experience with this one as sensei had taught during some free time a while back
   1. The parry with the arm was stated to also be the preferred way to receive punches, though take that as you will (though it is a common method in karate as well)
   2. The strike should be to the suigetsu (solar plexus)
   3. Trap uke's hand with your head so that it can't wiggle all over the place when applying the lock
6. Ushiro jime - My partner and I both had a tendency to lift the shoulder off after spinning out, will have to work on that. I will be honest, had I known this escape, I probably would have come out of an incident a few years back (before I started Judo) rather unscathed as I was jumped and then kicked on the ground by a person who was quite a pain.
   1. The attack and initial defence are identical to that of katame no kata, following which tori rotates out
   2. Keep pressure with your shoulder until your grip has been changed
7. Kakae dori - We didn't have enough mat space to finish the throw without running into other groups, but the technique is surprisingly effective. Though I couldn't initially find out how to do the armlock and had to ask my sensei about it, now it's pretty easy.
   1. Rotate the arm away from you (clockwise from your perspective) and pull uke's arm into you
   2. During the initial stomp, straighten up and raise your arms to loosen uke's grip

Attacks when at a distance - I got less time to try these in general as I wanted my partner to get a feel for them as they are a bit more complicated and he is less experienced

1. Naname uchi - this was a fun situation, it shows how a little bit of atemi can be used to setup a randori waza, and Fukushima Sensei complimented my senseis' performance saying that it was better than the current text book
   1. Te gatana is used to redirect the strike
   2. Osoto otoshi is performed
   3. Pushing the arm through is important to create the kuzushi necessary for the waza
2. Ago tsuki - I didn't actually get a chance to try this one more than once as my partner struggled with it, he kept applying a shoulder lock by pushing on the elbow without the redirect with the thumb up (shoulder is still sore)
   1. when directing uke's attack up and away, do not lean back as then you are unstable
   2. Use yahazu to direct uke's elbow toward his ear
   3. As uke will not like this use the moment after releasing the elbow lock to throw him forward in the direction perpendicular to his feet.
3. Gammen Tsuki - My partner really liked this one, I can see the uses as I've used similar entries when messing around with strikes + judo with this partner as I have a bit of karate experience
   1. Uke is meant to do a break fall, thus tori needs to get out of the way after releasing the choke
   2. Uke should realistically be aiming for where tori's uto would be if he did not evade
4. Mae Geri - this was a relatively easy one to grasp, but quite a bit of practice is needed before a full force kick can be considered
   1. Rotate ukes foot outwards so that it is not easy for him to rotate in to escape
   2. In the original, tori would lift uke's leg high but many ukes ended up injured from hitting their heads, so now tori just pushes back
5. Yoko geri - My sensei has introduced this one at the dojo before as well, though he prefaced it with about a minute of just practicing a side kick. My partner (who suffers from light knee pain) couldn't kneel during the finish
   1. The use of the te gatana to redirect the kick in the direction it is going, very similar to karates low block
   2. During the finish tori creates a void for uke to be thrown but in real life tori would throw uke onto his knee

Attacks with weapons - I understand people dislike these (reasonably in some cases), but I've found them to be useful points to explore
Attacks with a knife - Sensei Fukushima mentioned how despite my senseis making it look easy
Both my partner and I have practiced these quite a lot (I was the only one who was taught it by sensei but we practiced it on our own time), so not as many personal notes. Though I don't have a good experience so my brain switches to serious and my heart rate increases despite the fact that I know these are fake weapons.

1. Tsukkake
   1. The elbow should be pushed forward (I've actually experimented with this in the past by asking uke to try to stab me as I applied the defence, and we've found after the initial push and strike, tori is in a relatively good position, be it to run away or finish the kata)
   2. Push the locked up arm up and towards uke, then guide him to the ground
2. Choku zuki - I struggled to apply the waki gatame, I'm guessing it was control of the wrist that was the problem, this form is relatively straight forward and makes sense
   1. The strike should not be a boxer style punch, but more like the first punch in szkt
   2. uke should not go limp
   3. when moving away from uke, take him perpendicular to the line between his feet
3. Naname Zuki - Personally I think this form is cutting it close in many regards, but the control tori has is quite surprising
   1. Don't grab the blade from the sharp edge

Attacks with a jo - PSA, no matter how much you trust your uke, mistakes happen (especially with such a solid weapon) so remain vigilant to mitigate damage

1. Furi age - this was a relatively easy technique to grasp as it is an application of O soto gari setup with a palm strike to the chind
   1. Tori should enter as soon as uke begins to raise his arm, almost a preemptive entry
   2. Tori strikes at the ago (chin) with a palm strike, then places his hand on the throat for the throw
2. Furi oroshi - My partner leant into the swing and wacked me on the forehead, it could've been worse but it just grazed the outer layer as I saw the jo come closer after my initial retreat and attempted to turn out of the way. Both a PSA for tori and uke. Tori do not keep your eyes off uke, and uke please don't lean into a swing, you are horribly off balance, and you make it harder for tori to read. Also uke don't speed up when you 2 are learning (I don't know why my partner chose too...)
   1. Do not hop back onto one leg and then towards uke with the other, it leads you to have bad posture
   2. Better to make a big retreat than get hit
   3. 2 strike, one ura ken (back fist), followed by knife hand push
   4. Uke's swing should be at a diagonal
3. Morote zuki - I didn't get to practice this one as my partner was taken a bit aback after the previous incident and couldn't get the steps right for this one. Fukushima Sensei mentioned something along the lines of how a judoka was faced with a juken and couldn't figure out what to do, and thus this form was created to address that.
   1. Tori shouldn't be rowing the jow away to shake throw uke
   2. The arm puts pressure on uke's arm forward
   3. Tori should be trying to angle the jo down towards himself after the initial grab

Attacks with a gun - I struggled with all of these, but I think the principles are relatively sound. Though in real life, I'd most likely give up my valuables. Fukushima Sensei emphasised hip rotation in these movements, as he says that you want to direct the gun away without moving your feet, which is what uke would be seeing when looking at your pocket.
Always make sure to begin your defence after uke is clearly focused on checking your pockets, never when his focus is directly on you

1. Shomen Zuke
   1. Grab the barrel of the gun thumb up
   2. During the disarm, push the gun's muzzle to face towards him
2. Koshi Gamae - I kept getting the second hand wrong and thus the barallel was pointed towards me in the final attack, will need to work on that
   1. Grab the barrel of gun initially with the thumb down with your right hand, and push the gun so that it is horizontal after turning left, then grab the gun from below with your right
   2. make sure to not point the gun at yourself when hitting with the butt
3. Haimen Zuke - this is quite a dangerous move in theory, but also one of the more likely ones
   1. Wrap uke's arm with your arm, but make sure to direct the muzzle up with the free arm
   2. [uke] should let go of gun, as this is a hard breakfall

Overarching and repeated themes in the kata

• The use of yahazu to direct the arm rather than grips
• Keeping uke's hand connected to your centerline when applying kansetsu waza
• te gatana is a useful tool to redirect and or strike the opponent quickly
• During the gun portion, always rotate the gun off your centerline, so that even if it does fire, it doesn't penetrate too deep
• Control the gun by the muzzle
• most finishes are done by guiding uke perpendicular to the line in between his feet
• Do not directly oppose an opponents force
• Maintanence of balance at all times and moving from the hips is key
• Uke should attack meaningfully
• Action reaction is used quite a lot to first lock uke up towards his face, so that when he pushes back he is easily lead away

Overall, it was quite a good event, and I learned a lot. This kata isn't the most realistic with the attacks (though apparently a few people I know have used the ryote dori attack shockingly), but what I've learned so far is relatively sound, hopefully some time soon I can convince my partner to do some live resistance sparring with some gear on (which I have done with the knife portion with a plastic knife). Fukushima Sensei had a lot to say, as he was actively discussing his experiences and koshiki no kata after the seminar with another Japanese speaker, and I hope to be able to attend another one of his classes again someday.
Here are some videos featuring Michio Fukushima from a few years back, both where he was actively demoing, and where he had a slightly more corrective position.
https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=1253474818155243
https://youtu.be/VKgdMJS9eck?si=bGMemLfG9aquAHr1

I caught my narcissist mom in a lie and I don't know what to do.
I need help and opinions. Thanks for reading if you do!
In the last year or so, I've recovered some bad memories of my childhood and some of that was preceded and followed by other bad memories of growing up with my mom and dad, Mostly my mom, and have realized that she is a narcissist among other things.
I am also currently in nursing school and if anyone has been through a grueling education process, you'll understand that your time cannot be on what you want or what other people want it to be all the time. It is 2 full time jobs worth of studying, sometimes more, on top of 2+ jobs and other responsibilities. Due to this, our relationship is growing further strained because I am not able to do what she wants me to do when she wants me to do it. She guilt trips me for studying or even just taking care of my mental health, and consistently interrupts or even stops me from studying all together. I do not study at home anymore due to that and so she guilt trips me when I come home from work or school for not being here to help or whatever it is. The thing is, I've tried to do it all plus school and multiple jobs. I can't. I almost failed my last semester because I did everything she wanted to me to do all the time bc I figured it would be easier. Obviously it wasn't. It is a lot to type out so this not everything that happened but gives you a little bit of background.
Well there has been a couple of big fights, a lot actually. And it's mentally messed with me. Now I'm at a point where I don't let it bother me too much outwardly but can't help but let it bother me on the inside sometimes. So much so, that I've decided it's time for my sister, her son and I to get an apartment. I think my parents and I's relationship would be better if I weren't here. And I told them that.
Now all of a sudden, my mom has started with this desperate campaign to show me how much of a waste of money it would be for me to move out and pushing on me that if I'm not going to buy their house that they're either going to keep it til they die (another trigger for me) or sell it to someone in the family. Earlier today, she told me that my cousin wants to buy the house. I told her, yes that's a good idea because when we get our apartment, that they could move out and get a different house and if I wanted to buy the house later on, I could. Well, apparently, she didn't expect that reaction from me. I told her that it was a good idea and she was flabbergasted. She stopped talking about that and moved on.
A few days ago, one of the fights she started was about the fact that she had accidentally taken one of my scrubs and dried them, which I dont do. I hang dry them. It wasn't a big deal to me. I just rewashed them and had to retrain the fabric again. Not a big deal but it was made a big deal bc i had to rewash them, wasting time and money. She freaks out and when I tell her that she is literally freaking out about NOTHING, it makes her angrier bc how dare I tell her that? How dare I say that she made a mistake, no matter how small it is. This blew up into her refusing to accept a mother's day gift or even read a card until I let her belittle and scream at me that I've changed and how horrible of a daughter I am, how I'm using my studying as a crutch to not do anything (even though I do), and how much I've hurt her by not doing what she wants me to do. She also said, along with my dad, that I am a narcissist because I'm setting boundaries that I do not want to talk about anything political and have to make hard boundaries about studying... in order for me to pass my classes, mind you. Only after an hour and a half of her and my dad belittling me and telling me how I've changed for the worse and how much I've hurt her, did she open the card and say "thanks for the beautiful card." She initially refused to take my card but took my sister's, literally in my face, and took the time to read everything out loud from her card before saying she will not read mine because I don't care about her or love her. This is a tactic she does often to try to pin my sister and I against each other. This is not everything, but more for background.
Her M.O. is to push the blame onto me about absolutely everything. And I mean, EVERYTHING. Even stuff that has nothing to do with me. Well, today she tried that but I caught her in a lie instead.
I had done some of mine and my sisters clothes right before she came down and I had a pair of scrubs under a sweater on the dryer that I hadn't put away yet. When she went into the laundry room to switch her laundry over (because she also tries to gatekeep the laundry room,) she lied and told me that she had just pulled the scrubs out of the dryer and said that even I mess up because I had actually put her clothes in the dryer and I hadn't taken them out. Of course she doesn't know that I knew those scrubs were NOT in that load and were already done previously.
It blew my mind.
I know she's done this before but my mind is so lost on how many times I thought I was just crazy or maybe thought I remembered wrong. And she's done this about everything. For my entire life. But I never caught her like this before.
It spiraled me and kicked up some other memories. Not good ones.
But now, every time she talks to me, I feel disgusted and angry. I can't do anything other than laugh because if I show emotion, especially the one I want, it won't end well and I'll end up being kicked out or something. But she also has an issue with me laughing with everything she says (which I would too, but I don't know how else to react). I can't believe a damn thing she says, which I thought I didn't before, but now it's so... open, is the best descriptive word I can say. I'm not exactly sure how else to describe it.
What do I do? I'm reeling. I made an appt with my therapist on Thursday but I realized today is MONDAY. I'm not sure if I can do this til Thursday.
I am not allowing myself to dive through more memories bc who knows what else I'll uncover.
Do I tell her I know? Would it help, would it make it worse? How do I stop myself from reacting to every little thing she says. I cringe and shiver even she says she loves me. It's a big physical reaction. Same when she tries the desperate thing. I can't help but laugh. I have to because otherwise I'd scream or end up sobbing. What do I do?
Has anyone been in this situation?? I need help.
I am so sorry if this does not make sense. I work overnight and haven't slept more than 2 hrs in two days. If I didn't answer something or you have questions about something, let me know and I'll answer. I need help on how to move on from this. Thank you in advance.

so far i've watched these animes:-
Attack on Titan, Jujutsu Kaisen, Your Name, Demon Slayer, Black Clover, Solo Leveling, Devilman Crybaby, Eighty-Six, Summertime Rendering, My Dress-up Darling, Naruto, High School dxd, I want eat your pancreas, Garden of words etc.
I need some anime recommendations, which have a great story line, no matter it's genres. I just want to watch an anime with a good storyline and proper ending.

Is everyone like, as burnt out as me? How much school do ya’ll have until summer? How do you get through burn out? I’m wondering if everyone is in the same boat??
I’m a sophomore and I have never been so burnt out. I go to a super academically challenging high school, and I have like 2 weeks left until finals and I cannot bring myself to do ANY studying. I have 99-98%’s in all of my classes so I’m lowkey hoping I don’t have to score too high on my finals to atleast keep my grade above a 93%.

I want to go to graduate school for comparative literature. i'm and english major and a junior. i want to get a masters probably. everything going great until my junior year- 4.0 average in a major, 3.94 in non major. junior year hits, suddenly i'm extremely depressed and my eating disorder comes back to such an extent a seriously should have taken a semester off, but i was afraid of having my parents pay more money than they should. i was literally just trying to survive each day. have a extremely hard time speaking in class in general. take literary theory course, class i've been looking forward to my entire college career. the entire thing is graded based on speaking in class with one final paper at the end. i write the final in three days, impressed i even got it out, and obviously my speaking skills suck. professor hates me. B+. i'm not trying to make excuses, i should have gotten tf out of there.
this semester- i overbooked myself with extracurriculars so i don't get depressed again. it worked. get As in all my other classes (foreign language classes). the two english classes i was taking - i will probably get an A- and a B+. i really want to go to a top grad school. do i still have a chance if i get As in all my other english classes my senior year. please be honest. my letters of rec will probably be good to mid. i know literary theory is more crucial for comparative literature studies.
i am considering studying in Germany or America. i'm american.

I have the typical Chinese parents: only care about good grades and job rather than social life, get mad when I don't do well, hit me with a stick when I was younger, etc. I only have like 5 friends from high school and college who I still keep in touch with.
One thing I'm annoyed at is when my AP bring up plans at the LAST MINUTE when I had plans.
For example, last year, the Saturday after thanksgiving, I was gonna have dinner with friends, but my dad mentioned Saturday morning that we were gonna have dinner with grandparents, so I had to cancel my friends
Another time was spring break a couple of months ago, we all go to different schools, so our spring breaks were different. There was one weekend that we had in common, and only 1 day that we all were free to meet up. But nope, the evening before, AP discussed driving 4 hours to my brother's college to meet him, and I had to go with them
The boiling point was a couple of days ago.
My friends' graduation was on Saturday, the day before mother's day. We were invited to watch the ceremony, then have dinner to celebrate. Just when I got out of the shower and about to get ready to leave, my dad came and said he booked a reservation, and we were gonna have mother's day dinner. I was PISSED. I wouldn't even be able to see the ceremony because their school was 2 hours away

1. They didn't have any plans on Sunday, why did it have to be Saturday and not Sunday?
2. I was thinking other family members would be there since we normally celebrate with them, so I didn't argue and just canceled on my friends, but nope, just me, my mom, and my dad

This was the greatest resentment I ever had towards my parents
Other background info:

• The reason I didn't say no to my parents is because I take my dad's threats seriously. He threatened to kick my brother out just for saying he couldn't attend Easter dinner, so he had to cancel his plans. He made the same threat to me in point 3 below
• I still live with my parents because I don't have a lot of money. I graduated last year (December 2023), but still don't have a full time job (tech job market sucks). Rent is pretty high in my area
• I work at the grocery store near my house while I'm still applying. They threatened to kick me out because they think I wasn't trying hard enough at applying when I showed them my spreadsheet and emails of the 300+ places I applied to in the past 6 months
• I also don't have a car. One of my friends lives 15 minutes away, so he always offers me a ride to these events. The grocery store is only a 10 minute walk away from my house
• My other family members live at least 2 hours driving away. My friend's place is really small, and he also lives with his parents, so wouldn't have space for me to crash
• I discussed with my friends about getting an apartment/house together, so that's why I didn't think about moving out yet and just sucked it up. Now that we all graduated, we've started taking it more seriously, but I think we might need to wait it out another few months so others will be able to afford it

I want to go to law school. I think I’d be great at it, inasmuch as anyone is, and I think I’d really enjoy it. I don’t want to break my back applying or ruin my financial future paying for it, though, especially considering I have pretty much no interest in big law, hefty salaries, or even really working as a lawyer—if it happened, that’d be great, but really, I want to learn and maybe have a skill set that makes me more employable down the road.
With that in mind, is there a way I can sort of do law school while avoiding the awful application process and not paying sky high tuition? Can I find syllabi online and do the readings myself? Are there any recorded lectures/classes available to the public (like Harvard’s intro CS courses)? Can I volunteer with a local organization, like the women’s shelter, that will teach me or maybe even help pay to send me to actual law school?
I’d love to graduate from an actual, accredited school, but I recognize that’s basically a pipe dream. It’s too competitive and too expensive, especially if I’m not actively pursuing a career in law, which is about the only thing that might pay dividends. But I’m relatively young, have a lot of free time, am financially stable (enough), love to learn, am highly organized, have always had a knack for academics, was raised in a school that taught exclusively through the Socratic method, and I’ve always wanted to do it.
Software engineering has boot camps (controversial, I know), schools in my area pay to put teachers through their MAT, the trades have apprenticeships, and our local hospital network reimburses tuition as a sign on bonus. Is there anything similar for law school? Any option at all for a (somewhat!) smart, autistic woman who really only cares about learning and maybe being able to apply what I learn later professionally, if only in a peripheral way?
I’m guessing not, but I am hopeful enough to ask!

I wish I could include a voice note just so that you guys can hear this. It’s literally 10:41 PM at night. I’m in extreme pain from my period cramps it feels like someone is stabbing my stomach and my mom is downstairs in her room, just yelling, and saying the most disgusting abusive shit to me!! calling me an animal and I’m going nowhere in my life but when I made over $300,000 I gave it all to her and now I’m fucking broke.. she’s the reason that I dropped out of high school, the reason I have PTSD because she used to fucking stand on my head and shit! Literally fucking sliced me! shaved my head bald and put fucking habanero peppers in my fucking vagina!!!!! I even had to jump over three-story building once because her ex-husband was chasing me with a fucking machete!!
It’s just crazy to me because she looks for absolutely any chance she gets just to turn it into an issue and escalate it just so the spotlight or whatever she thinks can be on her like bro it’s 10:44 PM. This is ridiculous!!!! Honestly this happens a lot, so I feel like it should be normal for me, but I’m just in too much pain to be listening to her bullshit right now.. what’s wild is this is all because of fucking Apple juice FUCKING APPLE JUICE BOXES!!
So I had to go to the grocery store for my baby brothers school movie day and I bought him a bunch of snacks. There was a whole drama in the car but to be honest I’m too tired to say the whole story, but in the car, she was literally yelling and saying how she’s gonna crash the whole entire car and was literally screaming at me and the kids in the car… And then I think she said the list in her head and thought she said it to me and literally no one in the entire car heard her say a word and she thought she said it out loud so I told her she didn’t and she said she’s gonna crash the car and kill us…
In my head, I was laughing which is scary because like that’s not funny but it’s just happened so many times that at this point I’m like OK just crash the car because all you do is talk shit… (obviously I said it in my head because I feel like if I said it out loud that’s when she would actually crash the car and I’m too young to die. I’m only 20) Anyways, it’s just really crazy to me though that she’s still yelling about that incident right now and it’s like three days after…
I feel like I’m rambling at this point but I’m just really tired and I can’t go to sleep because there’s so much noise. I’m just a bit happy that I am over 18 and she can’t actually hit me because even though I’m respectful and I really do not like to fight my mother like I’ve never actually fought her but I swear if she comes upstairs and gets in my way, I’m throwing the fucking hands and leaving!!
The only reason I can’t even leave this fucking house, is because she took all the money I have, and still has the audacity to talk shit to me! I can’t even leave because I don’t have my American citizenship or green card I’m on a renewable visa which is under her.. but now that I’ve seen her true colors I’m really about to work so fucking hard and get my money up and honestly just try to pay for citizenship or pay someone to marry me or something because I can’t keep living like this.. like I’ll probably hire an accountant and a really good lawyer to help me cause I’m in bondage rn! This is so fucking toxic
This is really long I just want to say I’m sorry in advance. I’m just so fucking pissed right now and in so much pain. Plus I have lost so much growing up because of her I was thinking about like all the bullshit I’ve gone through as a child growing up. Like there’s one of my uncles who she literally cut his hand. Obviously there’s a bone there, so it couldn’t all fall off, but it was literally dangling in front of me and then I got intensely beat up just because she thought I slept with him. LIKE I WAS FUCKING 10 IDK WTF THAT IS!! The insane part is I kept getting beat up until I was bleeding and they wouldn’t stop till I admitted to doing it smh I really been through some shit and it’s just now sinking into my head like that’s not normal cause I just overlooked it and went numb over the years and said it’s in the past so it is what it is but no it’s not what the fuck it is!!!
I’ve brought this up to her in the past but she just acts like it never happened or wasn’t important or I’m just over talking and she never treated me like that like what??? I literally have marks and witnesses like his hand is still stitched how tf are you gonna gaslight me??? what’s wild is because they made me admit to doing that that every time an uncle came to visit, it would happen again, and again, and again, I literally had to beg my uncles to stop visiting because they would just beat me even for staring or talking about Mickey Mouse (yes precisely I was beat for that)
I’m gonna just stop this here because I could go on for days and I’m just in too much pain both physically emotionally and mentally…. everyone just thinks I’m cool and chilling, but like I really live in a toxic ass home and I lived through hell at such a young age and still getting insulted daily and treated like shit!!

I am 27 years old and never finished high school. I dropped out of high school and got admitted to a psych ward for troubled teens due to being severely bullied and sexually/mentally abused. Anyway when I left, even though I had no qualifications, I always was positive because I always managed to get by and be content with my life due to a good family and lots of people loving me. I always kept myself busy with stuff I enjoyed and learnt to only keep people who understand me around. I didn’t care what people thought. I just enjoyed my life. I basically spent my 20s as a party girl but I took a lot of drugs and think I have now lost a lot of my intelligence. I got my own appartment in 2020 and then lockdown happened. Due to extreme loneliness I began hanging around bad people and ended up falling in love (at least I thought at the time) with a man who I now understand was a sociopath. He harmed me in ways I cannot begin to describe, but wanting him to love me so much I really cleaned my act up. I started to pursue my dream of being a nurse and drank less. He kept me safe even though he was harming me in other ways. Then he left and since then I have had a severe death wish. I’m an alcoholic, I got raped in 2022, I have spent the past few years in bed pretty much and had to withdraw from benzodiazepines while going through all of this. I met a man last year who tried to help me, but because I was so broken I could not trust him or let him in. He said I made him suicidal because of how I treated him and how toxic our relationship was. Then his dad died and he just abandoned me and now has a new girlfriend. My ego was destroyed and I acted like a total psychopath and scared both of them. Everyone thinks I’m insane and I think some people are genuinely scared of me. I don’t leave my home. I don’t own anything. No driver’s license, no work experience, no career, aging with declining fertility and nobody loves me except random people I use to feed my ego. I’m a terrible person at times but I still feel too beautiful and good to die but also too pure for this world. Life has been cruel. I am cruel, mostly to myself. I think tomorrow I’ll order a noose. I’m too far gone. I have nothing and no one and I am abused and harmed everywhere I go. Even in my ‘happy’ years I was always being harmed in some way or another. My grandad’s brother committed suicide around this time last year. He will be waiting for me and so will a couple other people/animals I’ve loved. I just want peace. I deserve peace.

Well I guess that I have to start somewhere, so why not the end! I’ve been disowned for the umpteenth time by my parents (or rather by my mum because over the years, Dad has just learned to go along with whatever she says out of duress!) This has all been as a result of my having visited them in Hay ( a 700 kilometre round trip might I add) because my Dad’s brother passed away this week and it was Mother’s Day. I thought that I’d go to show my condolences and to wish my mother and sister who also lives there a happy Mother’s Day and bring them all some hand made gifts, I’m a bit sentimental like that.
I have taken to the craft of making pebble art. The gift that I made for my mother was of an image depicting my family with my parents, my sister and I and my brother who’s passed away, as he is handing my mum a bunch of flowers. I made one for my dad depicting he and my Nan (his mother) fishing at their favourite fishing spot; my Nan passed away just last month as well and I thought it’d be a nice gesture, then I gave my sister one as well with a quote about sisters being joined by the heart.
The first day, Friday, that my husband, daughter and I came there was okay. It always is especially when I’ve not seen them for six months or more! We catch up, mum talks about her very many health conditions, she then complains a little bit about everything and everyone but it’s not over the top at this point because she and my dad are kept busy opening gifts and seemingly happy to see us! But we had decided before coming that we were going to stay in separate accommodation for the weekend with the knowledge that things with my mother usually go sour very quickly! And if we’re not having to stay at their home when it does then we can at least retain some mental stability throughout our trip! This would normally be a point in which I’d let out a bit of a chuckle or if I’m texting or writing a social media post, that I’d add the LOL at the end of that statement, simply due to the stupid realisation that unfortunately it is so very true that it’s almost comical, remembering in my mind the very many times that her very predictable unstable behaviour kicks in at around the 24 hour mark and doesn’t often dissipate until well after we’ve left if not months later! I have no clue as to why I’m still surprised by this occurrence?! Perhaps it’s because it is so unbelievably erratic and shocking to anyone that witnesses it that still even now it’s hard not only to watch unfold but to believe!
But sadly as a result of these personally flips, she lashes out in anger, she can become nasty and callous, her comments are cold and uncaring, she can become physically aggressive, and the damage done during these times can be hard to ever overcome, especially if she aims any comment or remark at you! It is during these times that you know in your soul that she has not a single care for you, not an ounce, and that the only attention or compassion shown towards you as her child or friend is one of obligation out of her need to keep up appearances with those who are still weaved in her web of “social media” deception! She wouldn’t dare lift a finger for anyone in person! But just the fact that we pre decided to obtain alternative accommodation was possibly one of the triggers I was already prepared would set her off, as we would usually choose to stay with her and dad in their spare room over crowded with belongings of the past and present, not unlike the rest of their home.
With this alone, one would see that she has an overwhelming need to retain old memories, be them bad or good. She still literally keeps every ounce of clothing I’ve ever passed on to her since well before I had children which was 27 years ago! Looking in her wardrobe, there are outfits there I remember her wearing when I was a teenager! Her bathroom still retains the $2 gifts (still in their packaging) that us kids bought for her from school Mother’s Day stalls, and the Mary Kay makeup I used to steal when I was attending high school!
Her kitchen still holds the Amway cookware she purchased for hundreds of dollars before I can remember! And to make matters worse, even some of the food in her pantry is from supermarkets no longer operating! Over the years, her hoarding has been a bit of a thorn in dad’s side, having lived a life of drifting from house to house, town to town, moving around as often as they have, having to cart it all along with them and something us kids (myself, my brother and sister) have always found funny to pick on her about, but in writing this, it is easy to see that her need to keep the past fresh in her mind and under her nose is a sickness all In itself.
Whilst we were visiting, we visited my sister in her little unit. It’s like walking back into the 70s and equally as much as a step back in time like my mother’s house! My sister has been diagnosed with schizophrenia which when first diagnosed was apparently drug induced, however; going from the lifestyle we were forced to live as the children to my parents and their lifestyle choices plus my brother and I having been diagnosed with conditions and disorders of our own, putting the puzzle pieces together as to how we’ve all accumulated mental health diagnoses isn’t that difficult taking into consideration that neither one of my parents exerted any kind of maternal instincts at all! And not even as us kids have grown and struggled through our lives, we had always been told by them that once we turned 18 we’d no longer be their “problem” anymore!
My sister’s name is Julie. She moved in with my mum and dad after one of her countless admissions to the psychiatric hospital in Bendigo, having absconded from their independent living facility which is meant to be a monitored introduction back into society after a mental health admission, but she always left before she gave the chance for them to find her accommodation that wasn’t with her abusive ex husband and 4 children.
Sitting down with her in her home, hearing all about the time she’s lived in Hay both with and near my parents, how our mum would bail her up sometimes (which had happened recently) even physically, how she’s thrown dishes at her and how she abuses her denying her food for being overweight on a daily basis… how she calls her fat and crazy… there’s literally a Myriad of abuse in all its forms being dished out to Julie, and yet, because she has nowhere else to go, like the situation my brother was in living with them on and off before he passed away (under questionable circumstances in my opinion) she has no choice but to endure it… and it saddens me to hear about it all let alone see it going on right before my eyes! Especially when the exact same denigrating comments about being useless, overweight, a waste of a life and criticism about the way she’s living her life, the choices she’s making and what she chooses to eat etc etc was also drilled into my brother by my parents and whispered to all that they spoke too for many many years before by brother lost his life.
I know through my own experience having lived with her that her poisonous mouth can lead a person to questioning your mere existence, your reason for living and remove all self esteem in a single spat with her! In 2013 I took an overdose due to a gross level of mental health issues and past trauma which I couldn’t deal with. My parents were living with us at the time and my youngest daughter exhibited some challenging behaviours… my mum found it difficult to cope with her however she made no attempt at patience or compassion and so in a fleeting moment she’s said to my daughter “if I was your mother I would’ve killed myself a long time ago!”
Wow! Just WOW! The above mentioned examples of how toxic my mother is… after only explaining to you the very tip of the iceberg in these few paragraphs, even I am second guessing writing this at all, and I’m finding it hard to fathom how I can rehash the past and get into more detail about the really bad situations! Not to mention, go into my life right from childhood until now with her and my father which is yet to come!
Writing this down, whether I share it here or not is going to be a huge journey for me that’ll take a lot of courage and open some really raw emotions… bring back old memories that I’ve suppressed and disassociated myself from… there will undoubtedly be many trigger points that I will go into which some people might become affected by, including me, but mine is a life that was, is and continues to be a challenge day in and day out… it’s something I’ve had to survive, a life and reality that I still struggle so much with but least attempt to cope with and in some way, I hope that my story will be able to shine a light on just how the importance of love, attention, affection and nurturing in our childhood really do mould the person we eventually become…

I wish I could include a voice note just so that you guys can hear this. It’s literally 10:41 PM at night. I’m in extreme pain from my period cramps it feels like someone is stabbing my stomach and my mom is downstairs in her room, just yelling, and saying the most disgusting abusive shit to me!! calling me an animal and I’m going nowhere in my life but when I made over $300,000 I gave it all to her and now I’m fucking broke.. she’s the reason that I dropped out of high school, the reason I have PTSD because she used to fucking stand on my head and shit! Literally fucking sliced me! shaved my head bald and put fucking habanero peppers in my fucking vagina!!!!! I even had to jump over three-story building once because her ex-husband was chasing me with a fucking machete!!
It’s just crazy to me because she looks for absolutely any chance she gets just to turn it into an issue and escalate it just so the spotlight or whatever she thinks can be on her like bro it’s 10:44 PM. This is ridiculous!!!! Honestly this happens a lot, so I feel like it should be normal for me, but I’m just in too much pain to be listening to her bullshit right now.. what’s wild is this is all because of fucking Apple juice FUCKING APPLE JUICE BOXES!!
So I had to go to the grocery store for my baby brothers school movie day and I bought him a bunch of snacks. There was a whole drama in the car but to be honest I’m too tired to say the whole story, but in the car, she was literally yelling and saying how she’s gonna crash the whole entire car and was literally screaming at me and the kids in the car… And then I think she said the list in her head and thought she said it to me and literally no one in the entire car heard her say a word and she thought she said it out loud so I told her she didn’t and she said she’s gonna crash the car and kill us…
In my head, I was laughing which is scary because like that’s not funny but it’s just happened so many times that at this point I’m like OK just crash the car because all you do is talk shit… (obviously I said it in my head because I feel like if I said it out loud that’s when she would actually crash the car and I’m too young to die. I’m only 20) Anyways, it’s just really crazy to me though that she’s still yelling about that incident right now and it’s like three days after…
I feel like I’m rambling at this point but I’m just really tired and I can’t go to sleep because there’s so much noise. I’m just a bit happy that I am over 18 and she can’t actually hit me because even though I’m respectful and I really do not like to fight my mother like I’ve never actually fought her but I swear if she comes upstairs and gets in my way, I’m throwing the fucking hands and leaving!!
The only reason I can’t even leave this fucking house, is because she took all the money I have, and still has the audacity to talk shit to me! I can’t even leave because I don’t have my American citizenship or green card I’m on a renewable visa which is under her.. but now that I’ve seen her true colors I’m really about to work so fucking hard and get my money up and honestly just try to pay for citizenship or pay someone to marry me or something because I can’t keep living like this.. like I’ll probably hire an accountant and a really good lawyer to help me cause I’m in bondage rn! This is so fucking toxic
This is really long I just want to say I’m sorry in advance. I’m just so fucking pissed right now and in so much pain. Plus I have lost so much growing up because of her I was thinking about like all the bullshit I’ve gone through as a child growing up. Like there’s one of my uncles who she literally cut his hand. Obviously there’s a bone there, so it couldn’t all fall off, but it was literally dangling in front of me and then I got intensely beat up just because she thought I slept with him. LIKE I WAS FUCKING 10 IDK WTF THAT IS!! The insane part is I kept getting beat up until I was bleeding and they wouldn’t stop till I admitted to doing it smh I really been through some shit and it’s just now sinking into my head like that’s not normal cause I just overlooked it and went numb over the years and said it’s in the past so it is what it is but no it’s not what the fuck it is!!!
I’ve brought this up to her in the past but she just acts like it never happened or wasn’t important or I’m just over talking and she never treated me like that like what??? I literally have marks and witnesses like his hand is still stitched how tf are you gonna gaslight me??? what’s wild is because they made me admit to doing that that every time an uncle came to visit, it would happen again, and again, and again, I literally had to beg my uncles to stop visiting because they would just beat me even for staring or talking about Mickey Mouse (yes precisely I was beat for that)
I’m gonna just stop this here because I could go on for days and I’m just in too much pain both physically emotionally and mentally…. everyone just thinks I’m cool and chilling, but like I really live in a toxic ass home and I lived through hell at such a young age and still getting insulted daily and treated like shit!!

I've known 35f(1) and 35f(2) since we were in high-school and 29NB since maybe 2019 (they have been dating 35f(2) for maybe 8ish years). We planned a friends trip to my parent's house on the other side of the US from us. They're well-to-do with an awesome desert home and they love my friends (they helped pay for all of us to come out) so I was really looking forward to having a great time with my pals. However, I started to notice some issues after one of them (35f(2)) snapped at me for putting her on the spot while trying to get her cookie she ordered back from my folks who didn't know it was her's.
They would walk off without me A LOT but always waited for eachother. They wanted to take pictures with eachother but not with me (pretty sure my mom was the only one who took pictures of me with them). Multiple times they stepped on my feet to create a conversation circle which basically pushed me away from them everytime. There were times when I'd try to join in on a joke and they all stopped laughing and got very quiet. Sometimes I did feel seen or included but it was maybe a third of the trip and I get the feeling they may have been talking about me behind my back since the way they were acting was so clique-ish when I was around.
They pointed out they were put-off by the fact I didn't get a to-go box for these tacos from this nice restaurant we visited in northern Mexico because they thought the waiter was upset I was being wasteful (somehow the tacos had no flavor and were weirdly chewy which made me nauseous but I genuinely tried to be polite about it). When I apologized to my friends for it, 35f(1) said "don't apologize to me, apologize to the waiter." (They believed the waiter may have been poor and this act made me seem entitled.) I'm sure there were other things about me that bothered them but they haven't said anything to me. I think I was also clearly more upset, irritable and sad as time went on as a result of their avoiding me which only made things worse.
In the past when I've confronted them about things, they minimize things and get upset/ mad with me for bringing up issues and sometimes will tell me it never happened the way I remember. I've traveled with both 35f(1 and 2) in the past and I know what it's like when things feel healthy and comfortable and this was not it.
I think an important thing to note here, too, is that I was pregnant and dealing with intense nausea during the trip so I couldn't always be around them but I obviously take 0 offense to them having a good time without me the few times I couldn't join...it's the times I was around that got to me. I also have reason to believe I may be on the spectrum though I've never been diagnosed. I guess I'm wondering how to navigate this with them? How to I approach them about this?
tl;dr- It felt as though my friends acted like they were in a clique without me while vacationing at my parent's place. How do I talk to them about it?
edit: fixed some paragraph issues to make this more legible

Well I guess that I have to start somewhere, so why not the end! I’ve been disowned for the umpteenth time by my parents (or rather by my mum because over the years, Dad has just learned to go along with whatever she says out of duress!) This has all been as a result of my having visited them in Hay ( a 700 kilometre round trip might I add) because my Dad’s brother passed away this week and it was Mother’s Day. I thought that I’d go to show my condolences and to wish my mother and sister who also lives there a happy Mother’s Day and bring them all some hand made gifts, I’m a bit sentimental like that.
I have taken to the craft of making pebble art. The gift that I made for my mother was of an image depicting my family with my parents, my sister and I and my brother who’s passed away, as he is handing my mum a bunch of flowers. I made one for my dad depicting he and my Nan (his mother) fishing at their favourite fishing spot; my Nan passed away just last month as well and I thought it’d be a nice gesture, then I gave my sister one as well with a quote about sisters being joined by the heart.
The first day, Friday, that my husband, daughter and I came there was okay. It always is especially when I’ve not seen them for six months or more! We catch up, mum talks about her very many health conditions, she then complains a little bit about everything and everyone but it’s not over the top at this point because she and my dad are kept busy opening gifts and seemingly happy to see us! But we had decided before coming that we were going to stay in separate accommodation for the weekend with the knowledge that things with my mother usually go sour very quickly! And if we’re not having to stay at their home when it does then we can at least retain some mental stability throughout our trip! This would normally be a point in which I’d let out a bit of a chuckle or if I’m texting or writing a social media post, that I’d add the LOL at the end of that statement, simply due to the stupid realisation that unfortunately it is so very true that it’s almost comical, remembering in my mind the very many times that her very predictable unstable behaviour kicks in at around the 24 hour mark and doesn’t often dissipate until well after we’ve left if not months later! I have no clue as to why I’m still surprised by this occurrence?! Perhaps it’s because it is so unbelievably erratic and shocking to anyone that witnesses it that still even now it’s hard not only to watch unfold but to believe!
But sadly as a result of these personally flips, she lashes out in anger, she can become nasty and callous, her comments are cold and uncaring, she can become physically aggressive, and the damage done during these times can be hard to ever overcome, especially if she aims any comment or remark at you! It is during these times that you know in your soul that she has not a single care for you, not an ounce, and that the only attention or compassion shown towards you as her child or friend is one of obligation out of her need to keep up appearances with those who are still weaved in her web of “social media” deception! She wouldn’t dare lift a finger for anyone in person! But just the fact that we pre decided to obtain alternative accommodation was possibly one of the triggers I was already prepared would set her off, as we would usually choose to stay with her and dad in their spare room over crowded with belongings of the past and present, not unlike the rest of their home.
With this alone, one would see that she has an overwhelming need to retain old memories, be them bad or good. She still literally keeps every ounce of clothing I’ve ever passed on to her since well before I had children which was 27 years ago! Looking in her wardrobe, there are outfits there I remember her wearing when I was a teenager! Her bathroom still retains the $2 gifts (still in their packaging) that us kids bought for her from school Mother’s Day stalls, and the Mary Kay makeup I used to steal when I was attending high school!
Her kitchen still holds the Amway cookware she purchased for hundreds of dollars before I can remember! And to make matters worse, even some of the food in her pantry is from supermarkets no longer operating! Over the years, her hoarding has been a bit of a thorn in dad’s side, having lived a life of drifting from house to house, town to town, moving around as often as they have, having to cart it all along with them and something us kids (myself, my brother and sister) have always found funny to pick on her about, but in writing this, it is easy to see that her need to keep the past fresh in her mind and under her nose is a sickness all In itself.
Whilst we were visiting, we visited my sister in her little unit. It’s like walking back into the 70s and equally as much as a step back in time like my mother’s house! My sister has been diagnosed with schizophrenia which when first diagnosed was apparently drug induced, however; going from the lifestyle we were forced to live as the children to my parents and their lifestyle choices plus my brother and I having been diagnosed with conditions and disorders of our own, putting the puzzle pieces together as to how we’ve all accumulated mental health diagnoses isn’t that difficult taking into consideration that neither one of my parents exerted any kind of maternal instincts at all! And not even as us kids have grown and struggled through our lives, we had always been told by them that once we turned 18 we’d no longer be their “problem” anymore!
My sister’s name is Julie. She moved in with my mum and dad after one of her countless admissions to the psychiatric hospital in Bendigo, having absconded from their independent living facility which is meant to be a monitored introduction back into society after a mental health admission, but she always left before she gave the chance for them to find her accommodation that wasn’t with her abusive ex husband and 4 children.
Sitting down with her in her home, hearing all about the time she’s lived in Hay both with and near my parents, how our mum would bail her up sometimes (which had happened recently) even physically, how she’s thrown dishes at her and how she abuses her denying her food for being overweight on a daily basis… how she calls her fat and crazy… there’s literally a Myriad of abuse in all its forms being dished out to Julie, and yet, because she has nowhere else to go, like the situation my brother was in living with them on and off before he passed away (under questionable circumstances in my opinion) she has no choice but to endure it… and it saddens me to hear about it all let alone see it going on right before my eyes! Especially when the exact same denigrating comments about being useless, overweight, a waste of a life and criticism about the way she’s living her life, the choices she’s making and what she chooses to eat etc etc was also drilled into my brother by my parents and whispered to all that they spoke too for many many years before by brother lost his life.
I know through my own experience having lived with her that her poisonous mouth can lead a person to questioning your mere existence, your reason for living and remove all self esteem in a single spat with her! In 2013 I took an overdose due to a gross level of mental health issues and past trauma which I couldn’t deal with. My parents were living with us at the time and my youngest daughter exhibited some challenging behaviours… my mum found it difficult to cope with her however she made no attempt at patience or compassion and so in a fleeting moment she’s said to my daughter “if I was your mother I would’ve killed myself a long time ago!”
Wow! Just WOW! The above mentioned examples of how toxic my mother is… after only explaining to you the very tip of the iceberg in these few paragraphs, even I am second guessing writing this at all, and I’m finding it hard to fathom how I can rehash the past and get into more detail about the really bad situations! Not to mention, go into my life right from childhood until now with her and my father which is yet to come!
Writing this down, whether I share it here or not is going to be a huge journey for me that’ll take a lot of courage and open some really raw emotions… bring back old memories that I’ve suppressed and disassociated myself from… there will undoubtedly be many trigger points that I will go into which some people might become affected by, including me, but mine is a life that was, is and continues to be a challenge day in and day out… it’s something I’ve had to survive, a life and reality that I still struggle so much with but least attempt to cope with and in some way, I hope that my story will be able to shine a light on just how the importance of love, attention, affection and nurturing in our childhood really do mould the person we eventually become…

I'm not sure if this kind of post is allowed here and I'm sorry for the rant, but I'm the kind of person who feels shitty about making a big deal out of my achievements to the people in my life, so i thought I'd shout it into the void and probably delete it later.
In 2016, i was 26, working at my local liquor store, struggling to make ends meet. Nothing wrong with the retail life - i respect the shit out of anyone who can take it for longer than i did - but i was miserable. I decided to try to do better for myself and the world around me.
I craigslisted and linkedin'd my way into a marketing job, satisfying the "better for myself" part, at least. I worked my way up for six years. I was happy and comfortable, but i decided i couldn't continue to work away at nothing that mattered while ignoring everything that was happening outside my window. I took the LSATs (not well, but well right) and applied to law schools around the country, hoping to become a public defender or a small time civil rights lawyer. I picked the one that gave me the best scholarship and moved with my incredible wife and my cats across the country.
I should clarify at this point that i am in many ways the antithesis of the classic type A, hustle culture law school archetype. I am, to most of my friends and daily, a starry-eyed, longhaired hippie who smokes too much weed and reads too much sci fi - but it turns out the only thing i hate more than working hard is the feeling that I'm squandering the gifts I've been given in this life.
All that is to say that the last two years have been the hardest thing I've ever done - but in short, somehow, miraculously, my lackadaisical ass has absolutely fucking crushed it at every turn. As a result, i ended up in a position i never expected. The law school universe and the legal job market is insanely old school and hierarchical, and a lot of people told me it wasn't worth it to start this process if i couldn't get into a top ranked school. Transferring from the school i got into to one of those schools requires being in the top 10% of your class, and then some. I never hoped that would be an option for me - i just wanted to do well enough to keep my scholarship, find a job, and start making a difference. I was encouraged by a mentor to expand my expectations - to see if i could climb the shitty, arbitrary power ladder with an eye towards opening up more opportunities to do more of the kind of good i always talked about.
Today, at the age of 33, i got accepted as a transfer to a "top 14" law school -- the kind that means I'm gonna be able to use my degree and my skills to help people, and maybe, hopefully, not just a few people on the front lines of a fucked up system, but a lot of people, in a structural way. I know a lot of people hate lawyers for a lot of good reasons, and that many of the lawyers people hate start out with the best intentions - but all i can do is try to climb as high as i can and keep my eyes open while i try to be one of the exceptions.
I see a lot of shit on the internet about remembering when you dreamed of what you have right now. Eight years ago, i couldn't have conceived of this path for myself. I've spent so much of my life, so many sleepless nights, remembering all the missed opportunities and things I've done wrong. I'm so glad i found a way not to let that past define me - that i didnt settle for less without trying, one more time, for real and with all that i had, to see if i was capable of more.
I'm so fucking proud of myself, guys, and so excited for the road ahead. I hope if you're wondering about taking a leap, you take it, so that you can feel this way, too - because holy shit, if my ass can do it, so can you.

It’s too much. I know that he can’t help it but boy needs to get that fixed or smthn figure it out idk??
My mom went somewhere where she usually goes. Usually she takes 5-10 min but this time she took 14 min.. my dad said “why isn’t she back!?!” And started calling her (she didnt pick up cuz she was driving) he was so scared 🤦🏻‍♀️
Another time I he saw my classmate walking out of the school 5 min earlier than me (since he was skipping class anyways 😐🙄) And he asked me why I took so long… he started suspecting me of going to other places.
And now I’ve lowk reached my limit. I forgot my homework in my locker and its due first thing in the morning. So i asked my dad if I can go early and he was like “hmmmm are you sure this is true?”
Like wtf… I literally get good grades, no absences, and I don’t even break any rules even when the teacher leaves 😐 AND HE KNOWS THAT 🤦🏻‍♀️ bffrrr
In addition to all that hes so strict he goes through my phone and shit 😐

There was doubt whether or not I would graduate high school (because I would skip classes due to anxiety and PTSD), but I passed my first year of college with flying colors AND I didn’t skip a single class the entire school year. I also won an award in my college’s student art exhibit this year. I made a lot of friends this year who have been positive influences in my life. It turns out I’m actually an extrovert; I recharge with social interaction, but everyone always assumed I was an introvert because I isolated myself.
I feel like I’m finally getting better. I feel like I’m reclaiming my life after mental illness has controlled it for so long (about 7 years). I feel like myself again. While I acknowledge that without my struggles, I would not have grown into the person I am, I feel like I’ve become a happier version of myself and it feels natural, like it’s who I am without mental illness. For years, I thought mental illness was part of who I was. I didn’t think I could be separate from it. While I still have my bad days, I have been experiencing a lot less of them. Life isn’t perfect… in fact, there’s a lot of things I could be upset about right now. However, I’ve learned how to cope, and despite everything that is going on, I feel like I can live a happy life.

Hi guys. My company (Ferries) has the ability to move it's employees all around the West Coast so me (26M) and my partner (23f) are planning on moving to Nanaimo soon.
We've got couple of questions covering up all the aspects of life.

1. Neighborhood: I've been to Nanaimo and especially Downtown and Departure Bay few times and never liked it. Downtown is actually awful with the amount of junkies up there. So, looking for a peaceful neighborhood closer to high school(!), shops etc. in a walking distance.
2. Rent: We will be looking for 2 bdr apartment with a dishwasher and in-suite washer and dryer, hoping for an in-building gym or smth and reasonably fresh building. What and where to look at?
3. Nightlife and indoor activities: Are there any clubs or any kind or indoor stuff like kart racing? What about young people? What about fancy/waterfront restaurants with good food and stuff?
4. Outdoor and beaches: what about nice hiking, mountain biking spots and sandy beaches? Any recommendations?
5. Business opportunities: How is the small business doing over here? If you are small business owner and/or providing services in Nanaimo, please share your experience.

Additionally I want to ask you guys what you think about Nanaimo as a whole. Is it a good place to work, live and raise kids? Do you see your future here and do you see the city developing, growing and becoming better?
How often or do you actually go to Victoria or Mainland for something you can't find in Nanaimo? Would you prefer moving to the places mentioned above if you had a chance?
Thank you for your answers, it's all much appreciated!

I would like to know some good abandoned places near the Saint frère André/Toronto ouest middle and high school cuz I can travel to far away from my house.
p.s. before u say Sorauren park, it's being demolished.

TL; DR - looking for free diagnostic tests and materials to teach myself math in a fun way over the summer.
I (20f) have never been great at math. I finished my senior (covid) year of high school with a B- in accelerated pre-calculus while my friends all too AP Calculus. I took a course called “discrete mathematics for the life sciences” in my freshman year of college but I can’t tell you what discrete math means. I failed my calculus I class my freshman spring and retook it in the summer (online) and got a B-.
After doing waves in my physics II course and seeing physical representations of sine, cosine and tangent I’ve started to take a bit of an interest in math and want to spend my summer learning more
I know I’m not stupid, I can do math with a calculator on all of my physics and chemistry courses, I’m gonna graduate a semester early with a BS in biology and I’m applying to medical school. I think just having difficult math classes online during Covid made me feel like I had to cheat to get by and now I’m missing fundamentals but I don’t know what fundamentals I’m missing. I can’t really afford a math course as I have to spend about $1000 on medical school apps and a bunch of other school necessities. Are there free resources where I can get like a baseline measurement of my math skill? Any resources to learn math concepts in depth for free?

I wish I could include a voice note just so that you guys can hear this. It’s literally 10:41 PM at night. I’m in extreme pain from my period cramps it feels like someone is stabbing my stomach and my mom is downstairs in her room, just yelling, and saying the most disgusting abusive shit to me!! calling me an animal and I’m going nowhere in my life but when I made over $300,000 I gave it all to her and now I’m fucking broke.. she’s the reason that I dropped out of high school, the reason I have PTSD because she used to fucking stand on my head and shit! Literally fucking sliced me! shaved my head bald and put fucking habanero peppers in my fucking vagina!!!!! I even had to jump over three-story building once because her ex-husband was chasing me with a fucking machete!!
It’s just crazy to me because she looks for absolutely any chance she gets just to turn it into an issue and escalate it just so the spotlight or whatever she thinks can be on her like bro it’s 10:44 PM. This is ridiculous!!!! Honestly this happens a lot, so I feel like it should be normal for me, but I’m just in too much pain to be listening to her bullshit right now.. what’s wild is this is all because of fucking Apple juice FUCKING APPLE JUICE BOXES!!
So I had to go to the grocery store for my baby brothers school movie day and I bought him a bunch of snacks. There was a whole drama in the car but to be honest I’m too tired to say the whole story, but in the car, she was literally yelling and saying how she’s gonna crash the whole entire car and was literally screaming at me and the kids in the car… And then I think she said the list in her head and thought she said it to me and literally no one in the entire car heard her say a word and she thought she said it out loud so I told her she didn’t and she said she’s gonna crash the car and kill us…
In my head, I was laughing which is scary because like that’s not funny but it’s just happened so many times that at this point I’m like OK just crash the car because all you do is talk shit… (obviously I said it in my head because I feel like if I said it out loud that’s when she would actually crash the car and I’m too young to die. I’m only 20) Anyways, it’s just really crazy to me though that she’s still yelling about that incident right now and it’s like three days after…
I feel like I’m rambling at this point but I’m just really tired and I can’t go to sleep because there’s so much noise. I’m just a bit happy that I am over 18 and she can’t actually hit me because even though I’m respectful and I really do not like to fight my mother like I’ve never actually fought her but I swear if she comes upstairs and gets in my way, I’m throwing the fucking hands and leaving!!
The only reason I can’t even leave this fucking house, is because she took all the money I have, and still has the audacity to talk shit to me! I can’t even leave because I don’t have my American citizenship or green card I’m on a renewable visa which is under her.. but now that I’ve seen her true colors I’m really about to work so fucking hard and get my money up and honestly just try to pay for citizenship or pay someone to marry me or something because I can’t keep living like this.. like I’ll probably hire an accountant and a really good lawyer to help me cause I’m in bondage rn! This is so fucking toxic
This is really long I just want to say I’m sorry in advance. I’m just so fucking pissed right now and in so much pain. Plus I have lost so much growing up because of her I was thinking about like all the bullshit I’ve gone through as a child growing up. Like there’s one of my uncles who she literally cut his hand. Obviously there’s a bone there, so it couldn’t all fall off, but it was literally dangling in front of me and then I got intensely beat up just because she thought I slept with him. LIKE I WAS FUCKING 10 IDK WTF THAT IS!! The insane part is I kept getting beat up until I was bleeding and they wouldn’t stop till I admitted to doing it smh I really been through some shit and it’s just now sinking into my head like that’s not normal cause I just overlooked it and went numb over the years and said it’s in the past so it is what it is but no it’s not what the fuck it is!!!
I’ve brought this up to her in the past but she just acts like it never happened or wasn’t important or I’m just over talking and she never treated me like that like what??? I literally have marks and witnesses like his hand is still stitched how tf are you gonna gaslight me??? what’s wild is because they made me admit to doing that that every time an uncle came to visit, it would happen again, and again, and again, I literally had to beg my uncles to stop visiting because they would just beat me even for staring or talking about Mickey Mouse (yes precisely I was beat for that)
I’m gonna just stop this here because I could go on for days and I’m just in too much pain both physically emotionally and mentally…. everyone just thinks I’m cool and chilling, but like I really live in a toxic ass home and I lived through hell at such a young age and still getting insulted daily and treated like shit!!

Like the title said, I failed my freshman and sophomore years due to mental and physical illness, missed so much school etc, I was sick for such long times, they said I can do online classes, I 100% plan to make up all my courses over the next 2 years (I’m in sophomore year currently) I have a very low gpa like 0.5 so far I only made up a semester of English, if I do good over the next 2 years can I still get into a decent university like usc?