The EXTREMELY detailed, mega-anxiety edition!!! Major events like consult and surgery day are labeled like this:
——— EVENT TITLE ———
Surgeon was Dr. David Whitehead and I saw him on Long Island (New Hyde)
Summarized list of major dates:
Consult: July 19 2023 Mental health letter acquired: August 9 Dates discussed: September 12 Pre-op appointment: December 18 Surgery day: January 8 2024 Post-op: January 17
November 11th 2022: Emailed northwell health for the first time, they emailed back saying to call. I was too anxious so I avoided it for a few months.
Called northwell a few months later but got too anxious talking to the person who picked up. They were being normal and talking normally, it was just personal anxiety on my part.
October 2022 - Early March 2023: Spent time talking to trans friends and family members about their timelines and processes for top surgery.
Looked into Penn medicine for a bit but wasn’t happy with the surgeons there, specifically as a nonbinary person. The patient navigational team however is lovely.
March 2: emailed Penn health patient navigation
March 3-10: correspondence and phone calls w patient navigation (absolutely wonderful people, some of the easiest phone calls I’ve ever had) Got lots of into on surgeons, things I’d need, processes etc.
Date unknown: phone call to Penn medicine asking about surgeons and possibly setting up as a patient (v long wait time on phone) Surgeon I had heard good things about only works w CHOP program and I’m was too old for that program. Other surgeons I was v iffy on.
March 23rd: Back to square 1. Called northwell again to set up an appointment. Everyone I spoke to was really nice. Could have set up an appointment within the week but decided to wait till the end of the semester. Scheduled a trans care and primary care appointment for May
Couple of calls In between for confirmations. Trans care appointment got moved around a bit and ended up being moved to a phone call.
May 8th: Trans care call: Basic preliminary questions like: Emergency contact, what you’re looking for, are you thinking of looking into hormones, experience w dysphoria or dysmorphia, mental health, and eating/nutritional concerns, things you might want doc to know, piercings or tattoos, do you do any drugs or drink often, etc. total call time was about 20 minutes. Doctor was incredibly kind, I still experienced a good deal of anxiety but the call was super easy, welcoming, and friendly. Got sent contact referrals for the surgeons, as well as trans-friendly therapists under my insurance.
May 9th: started looking at list of therapists and making respective emails and calls. Checking per session costs and double checking insurance. Most charge 100-150 per session. Got in contact w one.
May 10th: Called w first therapist talking about what I’m looking for, where I am in this process, if parents are supportive, and talking about costs. She was very friendly and affirming, wants to have a few sessions to get to know me and my situation before writing a letter. Understandable and expected, but frustrating.
May 15th: Primary care appointment: Went to northwell health primary care, parkinglot was a little scary (just a large lot with a lot of cars) but everyone working there’s is super kind. Office is incredibly affirming, pride flags and lgbtq+ art everywhere. Gave my insurance card, filled out some paper work, got called in pretty quickly. I have a needle phobia and medical trauma so I was panicking a bit in the office, nurse was good w me about it and doctor was very kind, I just requested to not have any blood work done that day and that was totally fine, so I could schedule that at a later date and go w a friend. Recommended to get blood work done before scheduling a consult w a surgeon. Also prescribed me a single dose anxiety med for the bloodwork which I was very happy about. I found over time that the anxiety meds unfortunately do little to nothing for my panic attacks personally when it comes to needles but regardless having a doctor acknowledge and respect that fear and listen to me was incredibly helpful and reassuring.
May 30th: Got blood work done in a different lab, went w a friend. Scheduling for that is super easy, I think I did it online actually I don’t entirely recall. they do take walk ins but I made an appointment to minimize complications and make sure I could prepare properly. Front desk/lobby area was a little spooky, but I think that is mainly just bc of my social anxiety. They take a urine sample, you give them your prescription, eventually they call you over for blood work. Quick and easy, tech was v nice and having a friend with me was incredibly helpful. Probably the best I’ve ever done with a needle despite the fact that I did still panic and get very lightheaded lol.
Got blood work results back within the next couple days, all looks a-okay! Neat :)
June 15th This day was incredibly difficult. I had my first session with a therapist to establish some ground knowledge around my dysphoria and the way that I view myself. Top surgery is something that I know from research and related experience Can be difficult and expensive to get and can take time, so much of my prep work has been on the understanding of taking things a step at a time and just knowing that the current way things are doesn’t have to be forever. It allowed me to be able to live with myself while prioritizing my health better. This read to the therapist as “not having the level of dysphoria [she’s] come to expect and look for in someone who is trans” and was largely based off the fact that I don’t want to go on hrt. Past that point I started to break down because now my method of learning to live with myself felt like it was actively going to work against me and prevent me from getting top surgery. I’m not good at talking about my dysphoria, I can’t imagine it’s easy for anyone, especially to a stranger I just met. It was rough, and I felt incredibly mentally drained after ending the session.
June 19th Called it quits with the first therapist, I felt incredibly disrespected and the one session we had put me in a mental spiral for days. It can feel some times in this process like the people you have to get permission from need you to be severely depressed and unable to wait another second for this procedure just in order to take you seriously.
After I left that therapist, I immediately got back to the list to find someone new. Spoke to a new therapist via email, but my insurance is kinda weird (Blue Cross Blue Shield out of state) so its off putting to some people. This therapist recommended I go through the office she started out at (Heart and Soul Counseling)
————- Time Skip ——————
IM BACK its time for some record keeping. Got super overwhelmed and lost the energy to document my process for some time so here goes.
HEART AND SOUL COUNSELING: My experience w/ this therapy office was mostly good. The person in charge, Jesse, was absolutely lovely and responsive. Never spoke in person, but any text/email interaction was prompt, respectful, and kind. The office is stellar with email/text communication, so I only ever had to call them once when I was initially inquiring about the office. This is something I wish all therapy/counseling centers did better, eliminated a ton of my anxiety and hesitation to speak to therapists.
I got set up w someone as quickly as possible and established what my goal was (to acquire letter document for my surgery team). I attended multiple session w the therapist, she was a kind lady but the sessions were unfortunately p miserable for me. We didn’t fit well, but I was willing to stick it out rather than backtrack on my process. She also did not invalidate me or accuse me of not being trans which was a major step up from my first therapy experience. Once I acquired my letter I did stop therapy there, I kindly explained to the therapist that it wasn’t a good match, but I may honestly explore my options at the office in the future. Receptionist there was also lovely and they had a cool fish tank.
———- CONSULT STARTS HERE —————
July 19th: CONSULT!!! My mama and I went to Dr. David Whiteheads office for a consult. Parking was a nightmare so I’m super glad I didn’t have to drive for this one (ty mama). Consult went really well, and the staff were all super friendly. Dr. Whitehead is cool, very chill energy and a bit intimidating, but I’m scared of everyone so that’s nothing new. First question he asked me is what I wanted/what he could do for me which caught me more off guard than it should have? I didn’t realize going into this process how many times people ask you what you’re having done even if it’s already written down, because there’s so much variety in what you can look for in the results.
We talked about the procedure, went through a slideshow n stuff, and discussed how I wanted a flat chest w/ no nipple preservation. They made sure to specify that my mental health professional letter had to include that I did not want nipple preservation because thats technically a “non-standard” appearance. Also had the first breast exam I’ve ever had in my life. Can’t say i’m a fan (not that I need to worry about that anymore!) Took pictures n measurements n such, and also discussed recovery supplies and care w me and my mom.
August 9th: After a plethora of painfully awkward therapy sessions, a decent amount of crying, and a couple breakdowns in friends cars/backyards, I got my therapist letter and sent it to the surgeons office. It ended up needing minor revisions to which I contacted Jesse from Heart and Soul and he got me the revised letter immediately. Unfortunately the surgical coordinator was out of office for the rest of the month the next day ;w;. Is how it be.
September 12th: Got a call from Surgical coordinator mid-painting class that I stepped out to take. Started discussing surgical dates!! She was kind enough to email the dates to me which was lovely because I was absolutely shaking/mind blank haha. There was an option for January 8th which felt like an absolute miracle the way it would work with my school schedule. It would give me a solid two weeks recovery time before spring semester began. Because it would be a couple months out, I was asked to contact her in the second week of October to submit documents to insurance.
(Timeline note: earliest date offered was in early December)
October 10th: Documents sent to insurance, predetermination started
October 30th: Received mail from my insurance approving my procedure as medically necessary (YAY) But! This is also where things get,,, fun! Dr Whitehead’s surgical coordinator, Alyssa, is a blessing and was very helpful and prompt with me despite the fact that I had to email her pretty constantly during this general time which I still feel bad about.
Around this time, my mom got diagnosed with breast cancer, which I reported to the surgical coordinator because it influences my family history (grandmother also had breast cancer). It was asked that I get genetic testing done because this could impact my surgical procedure. Now I’m handling the setup on this between helping my mom in her process setting up consults and considering her options because there of course is a lot of crossover to the steps I’ve already completed and am familiar with.
November 1st: Very kind person at cancer genetics calls me, sends me a family history questionnaire to fill out before I can be scheduled to see a genetic counselor. Filled out the questionnaire the same day.
November 8th: Called cancer genetics to check about scheduling, office was not open so left a message. Got a call back later in the day. I have a virtual appointment with a Genetic counselor Tuesday the 14th. Current plan is a mailed saliva genetic test but I’m going to ask if theres anything I can do to get results/materials quicker. If I can’t get results/feedback by December 8th my surgery date may get deferred.
Trying not to stress too much because there is little to nothing I can do about this, and I just don’t want to be sad. I’ve kept telling myself throughout this process to not get excited and not let myself believe anything is solid because something could happen at any time that might mess up my schedule or plan, and If I convince myself I’m in the clear, those changes will hurt a lot more. So far I think thats been a good move, because this really sucks.
My surgery date is still officially scheduled as of now as well as my first post-op. I will also ideally have pre-surgical testing done December 18th should I be cleared by genetics in time (Fingers crossed!)
ALSO! Def lean on friends if/when you can during this process. It can absolutely be challenging, and having a support system is incredibly important and helpful. I’m super lucky to have really lovely and supportive friends that are around to listen to me and send me pictures of stupid little animals.
November 9th: My mama is scheduled for her double mastectomy on December 4th
November 10th: Did some shopping with my mama for recovery supplies for double mastectomy/top surgery. Having watched a million and a half transition/top surgery videos and tiktoks and having read all the blogs and posts and tweets makes you a great support for someone suddenly faced with an upcoming double mastectomy! We might go shopping this weekend for some button ups and zip ups for her, clothes shopping is better done when you can try stuff on
November 14th: Meeting w genetic counselor: Victoria Webb, one of the loveliest medical care workers I’ve ever met. Had a virtual appointment with her to discuss and set up genetic testing. I explained to her about my situation w the proximity of my surgery and tight deadline as well as my willingness to do a blood test instead of a saliva kit to get results quicker. She was so incredibly kind and good with me, ended up being able to do a saliva kit and get results in time she deserves every good thing in life.
December 18th: pre-surgical testing: This was at the main hospital, everyone was really nice but I had a really bad panic attack despite being on Xanax.
The process is sort of like getting a physical. Measurements like weight and blood pressure get taken, lots of preliminary health questions. The people working with me were really kind and I was very open with them about my anxiety, it was visually apparent though anyway because I started crying the second we even started talking about the blood draw.
Once the equipment was actually brought into the room I started to panic. Both of the women working with me were really kind and helpful and tried to distract me and keep me talking the entire time, but I did still have a really horrible panic attack. Every muscle in my body locked up and I lost all my color, took a bit to get back to a spot where I could move and talk properly because my speech was affected too. It was a bit scary but funny to think about in post. Thanked the medical staff for being patient w me as always, a good portion of the anxiety is also guilt about making things harder for them. Got through it tho. Def eat before presurgical if allowed, I didn’t and that probably didn’t help!!
———- SURGERY DAY ————-
January 8th:
Ok so surgery day:
This day was very scary. Got my phone call the Friday prior for my surgery time which ended up being 1pm and I was asked to arrive around 11. Got there at 10 and went in at 10:30.
Called up to check in then in waiting room till someone brought me back to change. I told her right away about my anxiety with the iv bc that’s legit all I could think about. Got changed right after. I was generally shaky and a little disoriented the entire time because I was panicking but everyone was very patient with me. Clothes and belongings go in a bag in a locker and you get two gowns one that faces back and one that faces front. I was given underwear and a pad as well because lucky me I got my period a couple days before my surgery.
The pre-op area is a lot of little cubicles with curtain divider things, blue soft chairs, and medical equipment. Everyone I met and spoke to was very kind, but any time someone even suggested starting my iv I would panic. I was informed it would have to be placed in my hand and that terrified me, I’m especially anxious and sensitive about my hands and fingers. I think doctors and nurses tend to misunderstand exactly where my fear is with needles and ivs. It isn’t the pain that scares me, but the concept of veins and and anything being in them. Even writing this right now is horrible so I’m going to stop w any further detail. I spent the entire two-ish hours of pre-op absolutely terrified about this iv.
I wasn’t really keeping track of time but dr whitehead came in to do markings for surgery. They had cool rainbow socks on,big fan. Having your chest drawn on and just like, moved around n shit is such an experience. Felt bad because I kept losing my balance but doctor Whitehead is cool and I am 98% less scared about them now.
Probably my most favorite person I met during my entire hospital experience was the anesthesiologist. I know he told me what his name was but I couldn’t focus on or retain information at the time. He told me we could essentially put me to sleep with gas before putting the iv in and for the first time in probably a solid week I felt like I could calm down a little. He took a look at my hand and arm to check my veins which always does freak me out a bit but I’m more used to that kind of thing at this point and I know nothing bad is going to happen. One of the nurses came in with the iv equipment and he let her know that were going to wait till in the or which was also incredibly helpful because I absolutely panicked when I saw that little supply kit again.
V nice lady brought me into the or, I’d never been in one before it was cool. They had a little music speaker which was really cool. Took off blue jacket gown and they helped me onto the table. They put a warm blanket over my legs and my chest to help me calm down. Before long they gave me a mask w fun happy sleepy time gas, they let me keep my arms on my chest for a while which was really nice because I was still scared. I started getting loopy pretty fast but I still heard when someone mentioned where the iv equipment was and panicked a little because of that. I remember feeling them take my hand for that but never actually felt anything happen. Just some fear but the gas was v helpful obvi. Someone said they would see me in a little bit, and then I was groggily waking up in recovery.
Recovery was a little rough bc the iv was still there (fully wrapped up so I couldn’t see it though which was rad) but I was still really anxious about it until it was taken out and when it was taken out. For anyone that struggles w this i did not feel them remove it, just the tape. Everything was mentally much easier after that. After a while, going over instructions w parents, a cracker , some ginger ale and some juice, my dad helped me Get dressed and I was helped out to the car in a wheel chair. Ride was smooth bc of remaining numbness and meds except a few Bumps in the road
TOP SURGERY GOTTEN
My post op date was scheduled for Jan 17th and that’s the day I got my drains out followed by several post op check-ins. First week of recovery was miserable but things exponentially approved each day past that, and I went back to school in person two weeks post-op with driving and item-carrying assistance from friends!
Will upload recovery notes at a later date! Feel free to message me with any questions, more than happy to answer and give info! I’m a bit over four months out from surgery now and thriving 🥳

I (22F) just split from my (23M) boyfriend of a year. He is not the first person I have been with, but he is my first love. He is the first person to make me feel valued. We had our minor arguments and miscommunication, as every couple does, however a few weeks ago it took a turn.
Let me say, I'm not perfect. I would shut down and be petty after arguments, which I now see and I am working on. He wasn't perfect either, as he struggled with confrontation. He would sometimes just try to keep me happy with gifts, showering me with my favorite gifts (flowers, stuffed animals, trinkets from my favorite movies/shows, etc.)
We usually talked out these issues, and we would say that we want each other so we could work through it. I felt that I was growing, but I struggled with depression and anxiety that shut me down. He also struggled with anxiety, however he has a great support system, with tons of friends and close familial relationships, meanwhile I come from a broken family, scattered friends, etc.
Now, here is where things went wrong. He has a foot fetish, and him being the best guy I have ever been with, I let him endure his fetish. We never really discussed boundaries, however we always asked for consent. However, one night, he got carried away after giving me a foot massage and crossed an insane boundary that I was uncomfortable with. I just laid there, I couldn't speak or move. He finished, and he looked at me, frozen. He immediately turned over and was so embarrassed and said that if I wanted to break up with him it would be okay.
In loving him, I immediately forgave him. I said I was uncomfortable after. I went home, and the next day after we agreed to meet because we both needed support. I couldn't tell anyone, except my therapist, same with him, so we met up to offer support for each other. He gave me a card saying, "it will be awkward but we will get through this," along with a few gifts like a preserved flower, a few gift cards, which I took reluctantly, feeling like he was trying to buy my forgiveness back. I told him I felt, "violated," as that is the word my therapist gave me. I didn't know any better, and I wish I could take it back, because it broke him. He cried, while I sat there awkwardly, I did not know what to do in that situation. We ended up saying that we wanted to get through this together, but we needed space.
We took a few days of space, but it got to me. I have an anxious attachment style, whereas he has an avoidant attachment style. We usually call every night, even if it's just a simple, "goodnight," but he did not want to. My sleep schedule has been affected ever since. He said he could not bear to see me, due to the embarrassment and shame he felt. I eventually could not take the distance, and asked him why we couldn't go back to normal, as I had forgave him. He then told me that he was hurting too, which I couldn't see until after (I know this was my fault and I am beating myself over it.)
Two days later, I DoorDashed him food, and when he got it, he called me saying that we needed to talk. He then came over and broke up with me, and I cannot handle it. I begged him, saying we could work through it, and all relationships take work. He then said he took full accountability for the situation, but he could not give me a relationship that I deserved, and it wasn't fair to either of us. He said I was too immature and he lost trust in me to be able to communicate when I am uncomfortable.( I have only froze one time, and I usually was very communicative when I was upset.)
The memories are flooding my brain, as I went to his house 3 or 4 times a week, stayed over on the weekends, and basically did everything with him because all my other friends were busy. He was my best friend and my everything.
When we broke up, I asked him if he lied on the card, that we would get through it. He just looked at me and said, "I'm sorry." All of the cards that he wrote me saying he wanted to do this with me, and move forward, were all lies. When i was gathering his stuff from my room, he kept trying to call me "Baby" or "Babe" and it broke me.
I have reached out to friends and they have been really great with what they can offer, as we are all still in school or in a career. My sleep has been affected, and finals are coming up next week.
I can't do anything without thinking about him. I feel like a part of me has died.
Essentially, does it get better? Do we have a shot? I know there are things we need to work on, but the fact that I cannot stop thinking about it has to mean something, right?

before this i smoked weed often and nothing bad happened just paranoid til one day my step dad asks if i want to smoke we go outside on the porch and go to smoke i take a big ass bong rip of the weed he got from the dispensary some strong shit i chill with him for 2 minutes and say i’m going to my room to call a friend. im on call and i say look at how beautiful it is outside and i sit down on my bed and then everything is black i hear voices saying your dead over and over your dead. im nowhere i don’t remember who i am or my name or where i am or even how i got there its just pitch black i start talking to myself crying inside trying to think what’s my name and how did i die because all i knew was that i was dying slowly or already dead and this is what death was pitch blackness i start to remember that i had smoked right before this and start to remember my name they still repeat your dead again and again i start to taste and feel blood in the back of my throat while still in nothingness can’t feel my body or open my eyes i see and feel demons pull me down with their hands into my bed down to hell i start praying to got to save me and i don’t want to die as i hear the blood in my ears as they whisper and pull me deeper and deeper when my eyes open i run to my mom crying saying mom i died please help me i just died mom and then i loop for the rest of the trip but that shit was so crazy. a year later i found out i was having a seizure for minutes alone in my room with no one even knowing. it’s crazy to think i could have died there shaking and no one would have even knew for hours. after this ive never felt the same and can trip a tiny bit being fully sober.

so, i'm pretty sad. i've dealt with a lot in the last year, but my boyfriend has been so understanding and sweet since the beginning. i met him when i was in the peak of my anxiety and depression-- we met through a mutual friend on tiktok. he lived near me, but was in a different school district. his current house is only about 10 minutes away from mine. we've been together for 7 months, and i swear i fall in love with him more every day. he had told me that he'd be moving eventually right when we started talking, but i didn't assume it'd be this soon-- i don't think he did either. really the only reason why they're moving is because of his little sister; she has horses, and they want to get land so they don't have to keep their horse at a ranch, because it's expensive to pay. they have a really nice house, a good neighborhood, good schools, and they're all decently happy. my boyfriend doesn't want to move at all, but he has no choice in it. i'm worried about it all too because neither of us can drive yet, and he'll only be able to get his licence in september. i haven't even gone through driver's ed yet, so i won't be able to get my licence for a while. his main love languages are physical touch and quality time, so he gets really bummed out if we can't hang out in person, too, and i'm worried that our relationship might strain since we won't be able to hang out as often because of the distance. the last few times he's came to my house i start crying every time he has to leave, because i just don't want him to go away :(

So I got to work and chilled for a bit . Had an anxiety attack . Immediately left work before I could punch in . (For some reason the system automatically punched me in but ended up deleting the punch in because I didn’t want to get in trouble for being clocked in if I wasn’t there). I plan on going to the doctor Wednesday. Is it possible to get a doctors note for today when I left ? Will they give me back my upt if I show doctor documentation for today ?

Hi! Im currently lowering my sertraline, since I’m tired of feeling fatigued, not having motivation and feeling flat.
I’m down to 25mg atm, tapering over a couple of months from 75mg. I’ve been cutting down with 12.5 each time, staying on the dose for around a month. The only thing I’ve noticed, was low mood and crying for a couple of days. But nothing crazy.
BUT! since tapering fra 37.5 to 25, my anxiety has skyrocketed, my mood has been all over the place, I’ve been having nausea, constipation and diarrhoea too??????
Have anyone experienced this? How long did it last? Any suggestions?
❤️

Warning: long; TLDR follows
Hi, I’m wondering if anyone else has mutism in certain extremely stressful situations. I’m talking about losing the physical ability to use your voice. It has happened to me three times now and every one is scary. The first time pretty much cost me my job, as my mind blanked in the middle of a speech to 300 people, which was being recorded for future use. I totally forgot the entire training yet couldn’t explain that to my audience. It was a nightmare. I cried until they sent me home, then all night. My speech didn’t come back until the next morning.
The second time was when I had sex with a guy I didn’t like at all. I had a bad gut feeling about him and what we were up to. I went against my better judgment. The minute he took off his clothes, I went mute. Thinking back now, neither one of us should have gone there because we had both been drinking and doing hard drugs; however, I was unable to say no. I couldn’t say anothing at all to make him stop. So he didn’t really have my consent, because I couldn’t give it. Today, I would consider reporting him.
The last time (so far) this has happened was just a few days ago. I dropped my Apple Watch and needed it fixed, so I had changed my Apple password just before I brought it in - purposely easy to remembe because sometimes I have super bad trouble with my memory (former ECT patient). When the Apple technician who was working on my watch asked for my password, I could feel my brain blank and I went mute again. I tried so I had to write him notes on notepad. But it was embarrassing and scary. Very scary. My voice came back when we got home.
I hate when this happens but my psychiatrist and therapist both have said it’s related to PTSD and also to a lesser extent, anxiety. And that it will continue until I can process what happened in my past and get my anxiety under control. Well, they might as well have told me to bring the moon home in a handbasket. They said it’s NOT a bipolar thing because it’s a safety coping skill. I learned it as an abused child I’d be silent and not draw attention to myself to get beaten, and the absolute terror of my parents solidified that and turned it into a conversion disorder (which has been diagnosed). A conversion disorder is one in which a condition in which a person experiences physical and sensory problems, such as paralysis, numbness, blindness, deafness or seizures, with no underlying neurologic pathology. I’m just wondering, has anyone have it or heard of it? I feel so alone.
TLDR: I have a conversion disorder with selective mutism (physically cannot speak) that happens when I feel threatened or I panic. Am wondering if anyone else has experienced this.

TL;DR - First time parents, wife is suffering from what seems like prenatal depression and anxiety, idk how to help her or myself. I feel so alone.
My wife and I recently found out that we were going to have our first. Having a baby is something we’ve been talking about for a while now and we were really excited to start trying but now that it happened, things are way harder than we expected. Due to a few medical issues we always thought that it would be hard to have a baby but that wasn’t the case at all so when she got pregnant so fast it was a shock to my wife. We’re both young professionals, good jobs, good families, savings; but due to what seems like pregnancy related depression and anxiety my wife is having a really hard time dealing with the changes in her mood and body (panic attacks at night, random crying during the day, feelings of being alone, being scared to be left alone, feeling that we aren’t ready for this, that our lives are over and that our new life with the baby will be terrible because it won’t be just us anymore, etc).
I’m doing my absolute best to help her through this, tell her that we’re still going to be ourselves and that this baby will enhance what we already have and that our families will rally behind us and make sure that we have help. It’s hard enough being an expecting parent with all the worries of “what if the baby isn’t healthy? what if my wife doesn’t make it through labor? What if we mess this up?” And now add ontop of it that I’m not sleeping, have been extremely stressed, and am slowly feeling that I’m getting deeper into a black whole.
My in-laws know because my wife needed the support of her mom and her dad found out bc he saw her crying one day. But because my wife isn’t herself and isn’t feeling the joy of being an expecting mom yet, she doesn’t want another living soul knowing. That means my family, my friends (whose wives know her), I have zero support myself. It’s hard being around my family bc she can cry or have a bad moment at the drop of a hat. Constant worry.
I’m here because I needed to get this off my chest. I so so so bad want to be excited and get into my dad era but I can’t bc I’m focused on supporting her. I’ve taken the stance of “Im a man, her husband, im going to do whatever it takes to make sure her and this baby are ok” but I feel so alone and am starting to get depressed myself. I guess, has anyone gone through this?

So I am a guy that goes out alone because I like the atmosphere and really rarely meeting someone with the same mentality
I want to break some miths people have about going to clubs,bars or just coffee and restaurants alone
Mith 1: People do treat you like a weirdo or look at you like you have something in mind
Mith 2: You won't meet people like you 90% of the time. And unlike most gurus most people won't want to hookup.
Mith 3: The staff only cares about your money they are rarely actually trying to be a friend in clubs or restaurants and coffee shops. Bars are a exception.
Mith 4: It depends if it's a waste of time or not sitting in your room doing nothing and sitting in a club doing nothing doesn't make a difference.
Mith 5: I don't buy more stuff if the service is not great so I can confirm that even if you come buy a cola and just sit their for 5 hours they won't ask you to leave.
Mith 6: Going to a restaurant or a coffee shop alone the service suddenly becomes a couple of levels worst I don't know why. So you won't be treated the same
Mith 7: Because I don't get drunk in these places, sometimes you get to witness the aftermath of people doing it in the toilet that is glorified by a lot of social media hookups etc but as a person just going their and chilling it really gets you depressed.
Mith 8: People their are really manipulative they aren't the greatest so watch out. But sometimes they are honest and because you are just standing there doing nothing they will ask you to hold their stuff watch this etc.
Mith 9: You will probably meet a love interest unlike what they say ( I fucked up in my case because I wasn't interested and was not in the mood ) but probably it was the best person I met.
Mith 10 : Your BF or GF will not cheat on you if she goes clubbing with girls ... Most people their already are in a relationship so yeah
That's advice yes it does fix social anxiety no it will not fix your dating life at least for me it isn't helping.
Yes I am a exception in some regards because I like people watching in general so going out for fun isn't my intention a lot of the time tasting stuff and just seeing all types of people is my thing
I was going to post this on social skills because certain words are automoderated I can't
This is all

It s been long and difficult but now it s plainly out that I am NB and that I will be seeking hrt. But now, and I don't know why, I m chickening out. I m "afraid" to call for information and to take the first steps. My dysphoria has also been much better since I came out and it s not even been two weeks. I don't know what s going on. I know it will come back (it always does) but right now my feelings are betraying me because they re telling "hey, it s alright" which I know doesnt make sense because even when i got told yesterday that I was still in my prime "think years", i suddenly had an anxiety attack that my body will degenerate and degrade if I don't get hrt fast. But today, my feelings are again telling "hey, chill you don't really need hrt anyway". I feel like I can't trust my own body, that my mind wrestles against it over what we think this body should be. What s going on? Has this happened to you or is it something you can relate to?
Edit: and by the way, this is not new, I have known for years and struggled with it. I m just wondering if I have just not grown accustomed to being uncomfortable and be like "I ll never transition so what s the point". It could be that because i ve the tendency to "prefer" to stay is a shitty mid situation that feeling discomfort and actually changing things

Introduction

1. Will this be your first dog? If not, what experience do you have owning/training dogs?

It will be our first dog as an adult, growing up I had a small cattle dog cross.
2) Do you have a preference for rescuing a dog vs. going through a reputable breeder?
We are open to rescue but would most likely end up going with a reputable breeder to get the specific breed that we're after.
3) Describe your ideal dog.
This may not exist but it feels like we're after the goldilocks zone of dogs. We'd like to have a small affectionate dog for our family and daughter (10) to have as a companion. Although we want it to be affectionate, we don't want it to have separation anxiety or be comfortable chilling out around the house without being held. We want it to be on the lower energy side, we're happy to take it for a walk almost every day, but if we miss one it won't go stir crazy. We'd prefer something on the quieter side. We don't mind the occasional bark at the door, but endless barking would get irritating. We want it to be okay around other dogs, even though we don't have any ourselves. Leaning towards the smaller / medium sizes.
4) What breeds or types of dogs are you interested in and why?
Two leading contenders were cavalier king charles and a beagle. Both suit the profile of small to medium size, affectionate and good family dogs. Having some second thoughts about the beagle due to noise concerns. Cavalier king charles sounds good, however we're concerned it might be a little _too_ needy.
5) What sorts of things would you like to train your dog to do?
Basic commands / manners. Not jumping on people, sit, stay, come, quiet, drop.
6) Do you want to compete with your dog in a sport (e.g. agility, obedience, rally) or use your dog for a form of work (e.g. hunting, herding, livestock guarding)? If so, how much experience do you have with this work/sport?
No, it will purely be for family company.
Care Commitments
7) How long do you want to devote to training, playing with, or otherwise interacting with your dog each day?
Our daughter will devote a significant period of time cuddling / playing. We will dedicate short training periods (10-20 minutes) combined with an evening walk.
8) How long can you exercise your dog each day, on average? What sorts of exercise are you planning to give your dog regularly and does that include using a dog park?
We'd be doing an evening walk of around 4-5 km, and have the option of using a dog park if we feel it's a good environment for the dog (i.e. handles interactions well with other dogs)
9) How much regular brushing are you willing to do? Are you open to trimming hair, cleaning ears, or doing other grooming at home? If not, would you be willing to pay a professional to do it regularly?
We'd be happy to do basic grooming at home, and pay for a professional when required.
Personal Preferences
10) What size dog are you looking for?
Small to medium.
11) How much shedding, barking, and slobber can you handle?
Shedding - We prefer lower (who doesn't) but it's not a deal breaker. Perhaps not to the extremes (i.e. a husky). Barking - Prefer very little. Slobber - okay with a little.
12) How important is being able to let your dog off-leash in an unfenced area?
We'd like to have the confidence of being able to let our dog off-leash and have them return on command, but we don't have any _necessity_ for it.
Dog Personality and Behavior
13) Do you want a snuggly dog or one that prefers some personal space?
Snugly dog that doesn't get distressed on it's own for a while. Both parents work from home so they will almost always "be around", but not necessarily in contact / actively playing at all times.
14) Would you prefer a dog that wants to do its own thing or one that’s more eager-to-please?
Eager to please would be nice.
15) How would you prefer your dog to respond to someone knocking on the door or entering your yard? How would you prefer your dog to greet strangers or visitors?
We'd prefer them just to greet strangers / be excited. A small about of barking is fine as long as they quiet down after a while.
16) Are you willing to manage a dog that is aggressive to other dogs?
No, we'd prefer not to have aggression towards other dogs.
17) Are there any other behaviors you can’t deal with or want to avoid?
Outside of the typical they must be good with kids, etc.
Lifestyle
18) How often and how long will the dog be left alone?
The dog will rarely be left alone. Two work from home parents. We're not adverse to taking the dog out with us if it's to an appropriate location.
19) What are the dog-related preferences of other people in the house and what will be their involvement in caring for the dog?
Similar to what has been described here. The parents will be responsible for exercise / taking them out of an evening, the daughter will be responsible for cuddles.
20) Do you have other pets or are you planning on having other pets? What breed or type of animal are they?
No other pets.
21) Will the dog be interacting with children regularly?
Our 10 year old daughter, occasionally some nephews or nieces that are slightly younger.
22) Do you rent or plan to rent in the future? If applicable, what breed or weight restrictions are on your current lease?
We own our own home.
23) What city or country do you live in and are you aware of any laws banning certain breeds?
Australia, no bans on anything relevant to what we're looking for.
24) What is the average temperature of a typical summer and winter day where you live?
Average temp is ~22c in Summer and ~14c in Winter. It can get up to extremes of 40c in Australia, but rarely and the dog would be inside.
Additional Information and Questions
25) Please provide any additional information you feel may be relevant.
It's hard to convey in answers here, but a lot of these things are "feelings" rather than set in stone. I know every breed will have a range of behavior. No dog is guaranteed to tick all the boxes, but that's okay we're just looking to capture the majority of what we're after.
26) Feel free to ask any questions below.

Note: I am posting this for a coworkefriend. He knows about this thread changing my life so he wants to hear your judgement about something he has been agonizing over all morning. I gave him my opinion but I guess I am just one woman. I hope this is allowed he does not have Reddit. For reading comfort I will write in I form as he told it to me.
TLDR: I told my girlfriend she often has bad breath and to see a doctor about that on a day she was already feeling down and now I think I am single again.
I 34M have been with my girlfriend 31F for 7months. She is honestly the best and she makes me happy. We never had a fight before and we pride ourself in open honest communication.
Yesterday she stayed over at my place and was feeling down on herself. She has a bit of anxiety and a high pressure job. She had a spell of some mistakes and bad performances that haunted her. She told me she felt like she was letting everybody down and failing. However she had one silver lining. She had a feedback session with her team member who had been under performing and they took some difficult feedback she had for them to heart and thanked her for her honesty. She was happy that went well.
Triggered by the conversation about feedback I also had feedback for her. For a while I have been noticing bad breath. Not terrible but I am pretty sensitive to smells. I tried to figure out the cause so I could help her. But she has perfect teeth, hygiene, doesn’t smoke or eat junk food. As I couldn’t figure it out I assumed it must be a medical issue.
So I told her she often has bad breath and if she is okay with us seeing a doctor about it.
Her heart just broke before my eyes. I apologized that it might have been bad timing on my part. She said that it was okay and thanked me for my honesty… but it obviously was not okay. I saw her fighting back tears. When I asked her if I hurt her she said yes but that she is not angry as it was not my fault that her breath was bad and knowing my sensitivity to smells she felt bad I had to deal with it.
She got very quiet and I asked what the problem was. She said I just gave her another reason to hate herself today and this is the first time anyone ever said this to her. She never felt insecure about it but now wonders when her breath smelled… like all the time? Every moment? If she was the “ bad breath lady” at work. She said she felt gross, worthless. I tried to tell her I love her anyway and kiss her but she didn’t want to be touched especially not kissed.
She went upstairs to brush her teeth and I heard her cry. She climbed into bed with me later but not wanting to cuddle or to be touched.I felt her shaking and crying quietly. We are very physical people so not touching or holding her felt really weird. This morning she got up really early and sneaked out. She usually kisses me goodbye before she goes but she just went. She took most of her stuff. Not even sure if she just broke up with me? I have been trying to figure out how to handle this. She has send me no text and I don’t know what I could do or say. I just don’t understand what happend.
AITAH? Or is she just over reacting?

I have appalling neigbours. They are 2 polish people. They came to Australia posing as a couple. Hes 59 shes 50. She also had a daughter from another man, and they had 1 son together. He is never happy, always miserable. Shes the same. So, when tbey first moved in. They were okay.. Well, they were nice to us. So, When he first moved in. She asked if I wanted to go over to gt to know them. I was like okay, sure. I took around a bottle of wine as a gift. And everything was fine. After the guy had a couple drinks. He started acting passive agressive. And soon I found out, that he was in fact a full blown alcoholic. Now, i didnt find that out right away. But,, only, days later. She approached me and said, thanks for the wine. But can you please not buy him any alcohol,? I said oh.. sorry, my bad. Why is he bad on it? She looked at me and said yeah, he hits me. And I cant handle him when hes drunk, he gets all agressive. And acts silly. I apolagised and, with that. I decided to just keep my distance from them. Some tine passed, I was very generous toward them. Even at christmas, they had told me they love football, and tokd ne their favirite football team, so at christmas I bought them a scarf each. She was so thankful she returned the favor with chocolates. Things were fine. Buy, It was clear from the more occuring arguments they were having more issues at home than they made out. As mentioned above, They also had a daughter. She wouod scream all the tine every day at around dinner tine "DONT TOUCH ME" STOP!! She woukd yell. Everyday, it was awful eventually 1 day I heard her crying, "stop touching me" she said sobbingly. I knocked on the door. No answer. I knew they had a problem, but, I didnt kmow it was this bad. He was the 1 with the main issue. Always abusing them. I knew he was probably molesting the daughter. And hitting his partner. Fast forward to about 1 year ago. At thos point. I know for a fact he is an alcoholic. He quit/lost his job. Stopped going to work. She started going and staying out all day. The daughter moved out, And, slowly, he has gotten worse. So, About 6 months ago. He got really angry, mainly because we stopped talking to them. He expressed his anger, but he was hitting her again now . We just ignored it. So, he started yelling anytime we were outside.me, My elderly mother, an amazon delivery, its gotten really bad now. just last week, traffic on our street was banked up, a car tooted thier horn. "SHUT THE F UP!!" He yelled. He must have thought it was us. Again, I even have him screaming on camera, and you can clearly see there was a car eho cut off another out in the street. We would have visitors pull up for holidays etc. Oh f this f that he would shout in polish. Keep in mind, hes screaming around my 80 year old mother ll, our other neigbour whos elderly, the kids behind them. Its like really bad. Now, she has begun wearing sunglasses all the time. The other day while checking the mail, i saw her he really must have hit her hard cos she had a black eye. So, after I left to go out. He walked over to my mother while she was in her garden. And he started dribbling nonsense. And said something to the effect of you stay there, never come to my siide. My mother said I never in my life have come there. Can you just leave me alone? And the whole thing was caught on my survielance camera. Which by the way, I had to get because of him. He was quite aggressive, and my mother being elderly and a survivor of Domestic Violence herself, she git scared and had to go inside. She said, I cant go out there.. keep in mind my mothers garden is her peaceful, safe place.. She doesnt need that. I was LIVID watching this playback too. Cos he waited for me to leave. Soon as I left, he siezed the opportunity like a true coward. But recently things got worse.. his 'partner' who was being abused, has trued to divert his behaviour toward us. She has told him to make noise while we sleep. I know this as I captured her saying it after getting in the car, in english. She said slam the door harder wake them up. Then when they reversed. He yelled like a high schooler some jobberish in our direction. We werent even outside. But NOW, He has now started banging on our fence really loud at 530am every single day. He also dumps the alcohol containers in the recycle bin at the same time. For a while. I could ignore it. I am the son if a veteren. However, My nerves are pretty bad, and i suffer anxiety as my dad was exposed to a nerve agent called agent orange or something. But really, Im really suffering here now. And, I did have cancer. I had to endure all this during my treatment. severe health issues like this need rest and less stress. I have other issues that prevent me from stopping him if things got physical, not to mention hes bigger than me. And I am not the violent type.. and, He is far too unpredictable. So. Can someone please help me? I am worried he will upset my mother to the ppint of a heart attack. Or me. Im a peaceful guy. I never retaliate, i am also a believer in karma. My mother has a bad heart. And heart problems runs in our family. My anxiety was so bad once, i couldnt sleep for 17 days. I swear it was hell on earth. It nearly drove me crazy, literally. But I really need someones advice. I cannot afford to move. If i had $ id move 100%. But I cant even afford to rent somewhere else. And get away from here. I also am a cancer survivor. Id really like to take my drs orders and remIn stress free. But its extrenely hard. If anyone out there has a sollution. I would be indebted to you forever. I just want him to stop.

Six years together. 2024 has been quite a year so far. My boyfriend has been out of work for almost 5 months, which is yearly occurrence since his main source of income is from doing gig work with a local transportation company. He has been applying to jobs with an out of date resume, he hasn't had that much luck in finding work. When I suggested taking on a temporary job at a grocery store or cafe to stay afloat until his main job starts up again, he became extremely upset and said that those jobs were beneath him.
In these past 5 months he has been playing video games, smoking weed in my bathroom, randomly leaving at all hours to hang out with his friends. He doesn't help with any chores, out of fear for my safety I purchased him a new phone when he broke his, paid for two months worth of phone bills, purchase work boots, and allowed him to shake me down for cash to buy weed.
Even though he tries to gaslight me but saying that this is first year that he hasn't been without work, it hasn't been. Every year since he quit his job during covid(2020)and moved into my apt. he has had periods of no work and very little to no money. He just games and smokes those months away. He berates me for not cooking or cleaning when I was working two jobs and he was working none. When he finally did get a new job thanks to his dad helping him, he refused to contribute financially even though he saw how physically and mentally exhausted I was from working 6 days a week. He said I didn't deserve help. He treats me terribly whenever I help him out. He has forced me to pay his taxes, give him one of my stimulus bills, buy him food. He becomes irate if things aren't exactly how he wants it. He loves to make plans only to cancel at the last minute and then gaslight me about it. He would refuse to go out with me to events but then drop everything to go hang out with his friends.
I always told him that if he can't contribute financially due to not having enough or having work, it's fine but he should contribute by doinf household chores. He refuses.
I think what is going on is that my mind is trying to protect me by compartmentalizing and lessen the gravity of the situation and of what occurred this past weekend. I see the signs of being in an abusive relationship but I don't fully believe that I am in one because it doesn't fit what we all have been told are the signs of an abusive relationship.
In February he pushed some storage bins into me, one of which broke and cut me in my back because I told his parents that he hadn't been working for the past two months.
This past weekend which we were walking through a soon to be closed mall, I had been recording the beautiful 80's/90's architecture when he said wait, I instinctively turned around and he was scratching himself. I laughed a little bit and turned back and continued walking. Since I had my phone in my hand he thought I had recorded him, he rushed down the hallway angrily asking me if I recorded him and to give him my phone. I said I didn't and kept walking,I was wearing a hoodie and he grabbed my hood and pulled, angrily telling me to give him my phone, I told him to let go that he was hurting me. I tried to keep on walking but he was still holding onto and pulling my hood. He then proceeds to try to grab the phone out of my hands. You know when someone tries to grab something out of your hands and both of you start grappling over the item, that's what happened. My phone is brand new and did not have a case yet and I was worried he would smash it into the ground. I know my personal safety is more important than a phone but I couldn't let go even if I wanted to, he had grabbed onto me and was in the process of pushing me into the wall when a guy rounded the corner.
He didn't step in nor call the police as far as I know. I took the opportunity to get away from my boyfriend as quickly as I could.
I ran to the train station, he kept on yelling at me "Are you really going to act like this", I didn't answer. My neck and throat burned from where his was pulling back on my hoodie. I started to cry. There was a lady who seemed to notice that something was going on and nodded her head in approval when she saw me rushing past to get into the station.
When he finally did catch up to me and when he texted and called me afterwards, he kept on blaming me for what happened. He said that I shouldn't have walked away from him when he grabbed onto my hood and that I should have told him that I was playing around and pretending to record him( which is what I said to placate him). When I said that he shouldn't have grabbed my hoodie and pulled he retorted with the so now it's my fault, as if I made him pull my hoodie and react like that.
I wanted to go home but I didn't have my keys on me, so I went down to a nearby marina and watched the boats for awhile.
I ultimately ended up at his parents house. I did not tell them what happened. In the past he would become enraged when he found out that I had told his sisters or mom about what was really going on, and would forbade me to either go to a family function or to say anything. His dad then proceeded to have a conversation about selling his house and giving us the proceeds to buy a house but we should have two kids. His parents have been pressuring me have a child with him even though we aren't married. I want to get married and have a small church wedding but according to my boyfriend I don't deserve a wedding. He also shared with us the importance that both people in a relationship need to contribute financially and pay bills, I told him he should tell that to his son, not me. It would be insanity to have a child with a man like him. I know that he will not change who he is if a child came along.
My friends are aware of the general situation (not of this latest incident), some of my family is aware of the general situation( I don't want them to worry and I don't want to bring unnecessary drama into their lives). His family is aware, one of his older sister's told me to call her for help when I wanted to end things with him and she would come over but when I actually did reach out to her, she said that I was an adult and would need to handle things on my own. I think she feigned concerned in order to get information to gossip with the rest of their family.
I am scared of him. Scared of how he would react if I stand firm in him needing to leave. Scared that he will harm my friends, family, himself and me. He has threaten suicide before. He has threaten to harm my pet. He has threaten to steal my mom's ashes. I have asked him to leave before and either he refuses or he simply ignores me.Him leaving is not that simple. He has nothing to lose yet at the same time everything to lose. He doesn't want to go back to his parents house because they will make him find a full time job and then won't let him do what he wants, he would have less freedom( couldn't smoke weed)...and those are his words not mine. He has never agreed to a break or even a temporary visit because he would "come back madder". He knows if he does leave, I will try to end things with him.
He comes across as a calm, chill guy when he is around my friends and family because he is high all or most of the time. That calm, chill guy is not who he really is. He is angry, volatile, and cruel. Yes, he has his moments of kindness(or niceness) and sweetness. Is it "nice" to have someone around to talk with, yes. Who seemingly care about when you will be back home, yes. but do those niceties outweigh everything else that has happened.
There is so much more that I could add to this post, but I am exhausted and I have blocked several incidents out. He constantly tries to gaslights me. He lied about his background and education. He has gotten physical several other times as well as verbally/emotionally. He has engaged in several sexting relationships, most notably with his ex Christy and his "friend" Lore. When I expressed how hurtful his cheating was he stated that is who he is, that he's the kind guy but since he didn't sleep with them, it's fine, it's not cheating. These girls also do not see anything wrong with what they have done.
I do not have any immediate family ie siblings or parents. Therefore, I cannot go and stay with family until he leaves or have a family member accompany me while he moves out. I do have extended family in the area but life has taught me that there is no guarantee that they will help you even if you desperately need it. It's the American way to find your own way out of problems and pull yourself up by your bootstraps ( I say this sarcastically).
The apt. is in my name and I'm pretty sure there is a clause in it that states that if there are domestic disturbances I would have to move out. As stated above I don't have anywhere else to go, so he must leave.
Sometimes I think that this is my lot in life and that I should just accept it. I find myself questioning if what happened on Saturday really is abuse or if it was just a misunderstanding that got a little bit out of hand. Sometimes I just don't know anymore.

Hi 👋! I posted back in November (can’t manage to link right now but it’s on my page) and figured an update was in order.
Long story short: a few days after my post I had a mental break down, got diagnosed with severe stress reaction (whatever that means) got sick leave for the rest of my pregnancy, and the doctors realized I needed to regulate my antidepressants because of my pregnancy. My increased blood volume diluted the medicine and I was in withdrawal, and I started to feel better when the dose was raised. Husband had a semi breakdown short after this. He cried in my arms for an evening, spoke to his boss and workplace, and made arrangements to cut down a little on work time. My daughter arrived at the end of January, and it felt like all the sadness, worry and anxiety left me with the final push, and when I held her for the first time it was like the sun rose again after half a year of night time. Everything suddenly fell back into place and made sense again. She is absolutely perfect, strong and healthy and I’m over the moon! After daughter was born husband started counseling, right now it’s only through phone once a month but it’s a start.
Most of all, I want to thank you all for being there during a tough time. Your comments, messages, advice and kind words meant so much to me, more than I can possibly express. I wasn’t able to respond to much at all, as I was too exhausted and overwhelmed to express myself in words, and English isn’t my first language. But I just want to say thank you to everyone! The kindness, understanding and solidarity in this sub is really something else! Thank you guys. I really mean it ❤️

So I 27f have always had a hyperactive imagination. My brain can literally turn anything real and this was great when I was little with imaginary friends, but as an adult it turns illogical fears into huge violent problems resulting in tremendous fear, panic, anxiety and paranoia. It seems like, unfortunately, I have passed this God awful brain down to my son, 3.5m.
He has imaginary friends that he plays with, and that's not very concerning. My concern is when the monsters he imagines become real and scary. Tonight he cried for about an hour because of a monster by his toy chest. I tried my hardest using every trick in the book I could think of to comfort him, to throw the monster out of the house, to have Spider-Man make the monster go away, I had his dad try to help him. Telling him the monster isn't real and that nothing in our house can hurt him and that mommy and daddy will always protect him USED to help, but not any longer. I don't want my kid scared of his own home, where he is supposed to feel safe and loved and secure.
I need strategies about how to go about this without invalidating his feels or making him feel like mom and dad don't care about his problems, because while they aren't real, they are real to him. He literally got so scared he curled up like a ball on me and cried. I don't know how to handle this.
He has never had any life trauma, or even significant or mild negative experiences that I think could bring on something like this. The worst thing that's happened is he took a tumble on a playground about a year ago. His punishments for wrong doings are a 3 minute time out, on the couch, and a conversation about why what happened shouldn't happen. We don't yell at him, or hit him. He is with me 24/7 so I know he hasn't been in the care of any unsavoury adults who would do him harm. My fiance and I don't even argue, we have disagreements of course, but we handle those with normal voices in a separate room. I just can't think of anything that could've happened to make monsters so scary. Anything he watches is closely moderated and monitored and none of it has been bad enough to be traumatic, number blocks, animated kids movies, and blippy.
Any advice or tips or tricks on how to help my son would be greatly appreciated. Please and thank you.

My husband and I had a bender on Saturday night which went into late Sunday morning. He gets bad anxiety and panic attacks so keeps drinking to stave it away. I’ve since had to go to work yesterday and today (and the whole week as normal) leaving him at home. I beg him to stop drinking, that he’s making everything worse for himself. He lies and tells me he isn’t drinking but I can tell from his messages he is.
I get home yesterday to him asleep in bed, the covers soaked in a spilled drink. He wakes up and is obviously still drunk and proudly waves a half empty vodka bottle at me that he’s been drinking. I cried and begged him to stop, he went to throw it out. When evening comes around he says he’s going downstairs to let me sleep. I beg him not to, to stay in bed and cuddle with me and watch his film here. I know if he goes downstairs he’ll be awake for hours and will probably drink. He goes.
I wake up at 3am and he isn’t here in bed. I go down stairs and see his drink - I taste it and it’s pure vodka with a splash of coke. I cry and beg him to stop, to come to bed. He doesn’t.
I wake up a few hours later for work, he is passed out on the sofa. I get him up and take him to bed, he falls up the stairs 3 times.
This is where I am now, I’ve just got to work. I’m terrified he will wake up and get more alcohol even though I tell him he’s making it worse for himself. I wrote him a note begging him again, that I love him and all the food is sorted and he just needs to stay in bed and heal.
What if I get home and he’s been drinking again? This will day 3 after our weekend fuck up. I just want my sober husband back, I feel so alone and so scared. I can’t believe we are at a place where he lies to me now and cannot do what I beg and plead with him to do.

I have my first Pap smear next week and I can’t stop crying about it. I’m 24 and I’ve scheduled them in the past but have cancelled all of them last minute out of fear (probably like 4 or 5 of them). Every time I read anything about it, I freak out. I know it’s necessary so I’m gonna force myself to do this next one but I have so much anxiety. And it’s everything about it that I’m scared of. The exposure, the awkwardness, the potential pain, everything. I’m so incredibly stressed out of my mind about it. It’s my primary care doctor who’s doing it and she’s great but I’m having so much anxiety. Can someone please give me some words of comfort? Thanks in advance

A conversation with a few friends of mine some skins have certain audiences to them and certain people will pick them more than others that's just the nature of people, and sometimes these people can be fit into certain groups, and certain stereotypes which is also nature of people. So I will be talking about these stereotypes, with 4-8 champs at a time depending on how many skins they have, starting with- Not androxus- but some general skin types etc.
Let me start off by saying that stereotypes are broad, and over generalized by nature, and not everyone is the same we're not Buzz Lightyear here, at the very least these are meant for fun.

Basic Recolours

The recolours you can buy for gold often attract semi-new players those that got the champions they like and often will spend "extra" gold on recolours.
They're most likely new at the game, or at the very least their champion.
Certain recolours will be brought up again per champion if they add anything different or have a different stereotype.

System Recolours/Promotional Recolours

So these guys probably are more likely to be even newer than the basic recolours since they got them from linking accounts or following/subscribing to different social media and all that.

Mastery/Gold Skins

Assuming it's gold they're probably confident in their skill with a champion and want to display that, but with the obsidian and cosmic ones they tend to be the same as basic and promotional recolours.

Invitational/Event Recolours

Okay so we're done with recolours after this I promise but often these are old school players, often ignoring the actual quality of skins to more say that's when they were around.

Hats

Hats are kinda the same as the event/invitation recolours but they can also be found on new players who got the hat from a chest, in general if they have a proper skin they'll dump these for the skin so at the very least that leaves semi experienced players who finds the frog hat more funny than they do the cowboy cool.

Androxus

It's fair to say that Android is the poster boy of paladins and since he's relatively old he's got a lot of skins over the years and he's got quite the audience, I mean really he's the guy they show on the splash art of the game like imagine little Timmy seeing his older brother playing Androgenous "Who's the cool guy with the revolver and horns?" And his brother is like "That's my main Abolitionist" and then next game Timmy is playing Angrosist.
And they're very against nerfs every time pretending it'll kill Ambrosia and every time he's just fine maybe the fact he's got a solid baseline kit means he's not struggling when nerfs come knocking. Either way it doesn't stop the complaints.
Often Anglo (Okay the bits running thin) players take themselves seriously, whether you should depends, and depends alot. But he does inevitably attract edgelords, assholes, and blowhards.

Exalted

Exalted Andros tend to hold themselves in high regard but at the same time tend to suck, they bought this skin since it was cheap and with it are often not that great.

Imperator

So imperator is basically the same as exalted in looks but it does have the caveat that it's actually not as readily available which means someone has to make a active choice to run this, these guys are pretty much more for simplicity and class over complexity and fancy stuff, this means you'll see them play pretty good Andro where they'll stick to the stuff that works rather than flashy montage worthy stuff, they can do these but they more prefer understated competency over flashy nonsense.

Screech

This is a hat that actually has a stereotype since it's not apart of a chest it's from the deal of the day that makes a difference to who is using it. These guys are mostly raging blowhards, they think they're gods at the game but they're not as good as they believe, like antlers they say crap but not enough to get banned. This changes to just normal tryhards when they get their hands on shattermaw, almost every Andro with this skin and shattermaw are more interested in shitting on you and moving on to the next, they really only do really good in casuals without comms, but they can get work done in ranked.

Cangaceiro

Okay so this guy either uses the Shatter Maw and same deal as Screech Andro's or they run they Huntsman's gun and if you get to talk to them in a party or something they'll cry about how the pirate skins in Paladins Strike aren't ported over to paladins. It's weird and it's specific. They do tend to be nicer and less serious than Screech Andros.

Huntsman

These are the most average Andro's in existence, they certainly exist but they're not too interesting all considering. They're not bad or good, or particularly toxic or nice or anything like that, they just exist.

Steam Demon

I mean there's a Young Frankenstein joke to be made here. But Andro's running the steam demon skin tend to be uptight and expect people to carry their own weight... Of course the chance they tend to mess up they go silent, they're not rude perse but they sure do expect a lot.

Fallen

These are the guys who listened to Nightcore- Angel with a shotgun too much and will be very melodramatic, and tend to be almost always a downer for the team, they do clutch up though so something to be said.

Battlesuit Godslayer

No one really uses this skin if they have others, really this skin doesn't sell the gundam vibes the others do maybe it's because of his waistcost flowing back there but really he just looks like a guy in a robot suit

Steelforged/Dragonforged

These Andros are just as dramatic as Fallen Andros but they seem to be in on the joke and often will more be self aware, they will be playing like some viking bagpipe metal music so it's not all good with them.

Avatar

These guys probably blame their support and will unironically quots the skin, not realizing it's making fun of them. They also probably are tickled by the fact it looks likr a Xbox 360

Modded

Now often with battlepass skins their recolours are basically the same stereotype normally but for Modded these guys have basically brain rotten themselves down to the same level with their obsession with RGB lights.

Exterminate

Yeah another skin no one uses really, unless they're really interested in the cat in his backpack otherwise it's just not really a great skin since it's just a guy in a dragon ball z kai uniform without the cool ass powers and literal royalty free music.

Grave Danger

This is Kinda like omen it's not as self aware but it's hard to take this skin more seriously than default and these guys tend to be chill but it's a newer skin so it's not exactly like there's room to have a stereotype yet, which is fair but still other skins still have stereotypes that formed same day as their release.

Golden

Now it's rare that a gold skin that doesn't change something about a character shows up but this is widespread since every Andro on earth who runs this will almost always have a bloated ego, whether it's 50 or 550 these guys are super quick to be offended and will tunnel the shit out of you for just about anything.

Ash

Ash is weirdly uncommon despite being free, probably because everyone is running at point with her and she basically loses that engagement to every proper point tank, she is a offtank first and foremost after all.
As for stereotypes there is a few thing that I've noticed with Ash's (Ashes? Ashs? Ash players) First is if they're running the default voice pack even with other skins they're definitely offtanking.
And another oddity is the Ash mains that have more than one skin tend to never properly match their weapons and skins up, it's weird but every other Ash main I see runs a different weapon and skin.

Heirloom Crest

So I bring this hat up because unlike anyone else with a hat skin no one wears this, honestly it should just come with a different version of Ronin but really this is the exception to the hatskin rule, these guys are just new players who got it from a chest and felt justified in using it because they spent crystals on a chest.

Ronin

Ronin Ash players kinda just suck, it can be a matter of many different things as to why these guys struggle, they could suck at shooting people, they could be bad at positioning, trying to point tank, they're using their abilities at shit times, they could be great with all of that and still they'll have a terrible deck and talents.
These guys just suck

Xenobuster

Xenobuster Ash players tend to run into fights they shouldn't and lose, this more or less comes from the overuse of shoulder bash, otherwise they're probably running knock back spam, they're most likely to be found on TDM Throne or Abyss trying to wait around corners to throw you off. They will go spastic if you buy sentinel.

Street Style

These guys are meatheats, they're less interested in actually capturing the point and more just want teamfights, the objective and space are biproducts, as such you'll see these guys with really selfish buys, and decks, and they'll steal kills with slugshot, they're not doing it intentionally but they are rude.

Ska'Drin

Ska'Drin Ash players often properly play Ash as offtank and for the most part are good sports, it's nice enough at least when these guys are working with you, they will probably ask for someone to point tank while they do their thing.

Scorned

Another recolour with a different stereotype, these guys are also playing Ash as offtanks but their also raging assholes, and will bitch and moan from just about anything, whether it's their fault or not they'll yell at their team, though at the same time they are probably making space, and do their job well enough

Draconian Huntress

As mentioned earlier Ash mains tend to be rather rare, and the amount of people who'd go out of their way for this skin is rarer, these guys pretty much are guaranteed to be Ash mains or at the very least skin collectors. As for gameplay it's hard to say since I've seen like 4 people use this skin

Atlas

Atlas mains are pretty much obsessed with telling you they're Atlas mains it's like telling people you don't play fortnite or something. Like good on you mate, but I and I'm pretty sure most of the world don't really care. Skill ranges wildly and skins for the most part don't really change that.

Chronomancer

So uh this skin no one uses, you'll more likely find a Atlas running default with this Skin's gun, it's weird it's specific and I have no idea why it's like this... Oh yeah because Atlas looks awful without a beard.

Legionnaire

So Legionnaire Atlas is kinda a situation like Grave Danger Andro mostly because the skin again looks kind of goofy, though for the effort put into it, it's at least nice. Still these guys take themselves just as seriously as the skin does.

Corrupt/Vile

Most of these guys just suck like sure there's bound to be a good Corrupt or Vile Atlas out there but every one I've seen just sucks. It's a bloody shame since they're nice skins.

Azaan

Azaan doesn't really have too many skins to talk about but at the same time most people aren't exactly Azaan mains he's kind of a back pocket kind of champion.

Forgemaster

These guys actually main Azaan, and they're quick to get defensive on why they pick the shirtless Azaan skin

Dark Drake

I don't get how anyone understands this skin, it's so garbled and just nonsense, there's no real stereotype but I did find out that this skin has the same voice actor as Freddy Fazbear...

Barik

Again Barik mains are a rarity and, nost of the time I only really see last/bottom picks grabbing Barik and doing really nothing all game but cry about their team not carrying them.

Hi-Tek/Stonecut

If a champion has access to their pre-reworks skins and in general just older skins they're often on the cheaper side and really are just bought by newbies due to this, that's really it outside of the odd end nastolgia tripper.

Team Fortress 2

So you get this skin in a way that's similar to promotional recolours, and it's more or less exclusive to steam, it's a safe bet that a TF2 Barik is new at the game and on steam, that's it.

Swashbuckler

Pirate skins often invite people into running teams of pirates skins, outside of that Swashbuckler Bariks tend to more or less the point jockey they live on the point they die on the point.

Steel/Dragon Forged Barik

This guy listens to diggy diggy hole and probably runs some stupid deck that relies on a gimmick these guys are here for fun and will probably do something cool, maybe?

Betty

Betty is new-ish and so she only has the one skin, Betty kinda is the easy version of both Willo and Dredge without the impact of either, this means Betty attracts bad players.

Dragonette

Bowsette meme aside this is Betty's only real skin and so it's kinda broad to say anything but I assume once she gets something else it'll attract... A certain audience.
So yeah 5 champs, feel free to suggest anything for future champions I'll probably see or agree with them.

I have my first Pap smear next week and I can’t stop crying about it. I’m 24 and I’ve scheduled them in the past but have cancelled all of them last minute out of fear (probably like 4 or 5 of them). Every time I read anything about it, I freak out. I know it’s necessary so I’m gonna force myself to do this next one but I have so much anxiety. And it’s everything about it that I’m scared of. The exposure, the awkwardness, the potential pain, everything. I’m so incredibly stressed out of my mind about it. It’s my primary care doctor who’s doing it and she’s great but I’m having so much anxiety. Can someone please give me some words of comfort? Thanks in advance

Hi I'm 28F Hindu Brahmin living in Maharashtra. My family has always been very religious and that's all they have been teaching since childhood. My parents did not teach me much skills or did not let me explore the world in any other manner than religious one. We as a family are devoted to one organisation and have guru. See I have faith on my guru and have been doing the japas given by him. Though currently I'm doubting my faith so need advice.
Since February I started having panic attacks and Anxiety. I started taking meds immediately and things are getting slightly better. Though I cannot go out of my building premises as yet. I am currently working from home due to my condition. My panic attacks started due to one night my mouth deviated to one side in sleep and that creeped me out. Since then it's just gives me new type of illness anxiety everyday. Last year my brother had stroke so that's also what's creeping me out. See I'm 28 and unmarried and also kundli issues that's what making marriage difficult but I had accepted my fate and accepted being single. There are lot of things I have to cry and whine about but I kept accepting them all. But mental illness is something I cannot digest the fact I'm having. I can't yet accept that it's part of my karma. I know it's not fault on anyone else's part but my sheer bad luck but my mind cannot comprehend this. This has led to decline in my faith in last few months. I can't stop myself from getting jealous of other happy people. I even get thought that the fact I have been doing all the sadhna and yet I managed to become mentally ill is what will make people drift away from being religious. I have feeling that I do not deserve this mental Illness. I need to accept reality and that's why I'm asking advice. Please tell me how do I put my faith back (I'm still doing regular sadhna my guru has told me but it's just happening without any conscience, I get constant negative thoughts) Please don't hate on me I'm practicing Hindu and just asking advice due my mental imbalance.