I was hanging at a local music festival the other day, inevitably people watching. I watched a lot of people just jam out to the music, completely in the moment and immersed in it. I watched the performers on stage truly let their personalities shine through both in their music, body language, and in the talks to the crowd between songs. I was enamored with them. They were the people that I wanted to start conversations with, to chat with afterwards and spark a friendship with. I felt compersion for them, but deep down, I felt sad that I wasn’t like them. I’m too in my head and aware of what everyone else thinks to fully engage in the moment.
But I thought to myself, those are the people in the crowd that I find cool and attractive. The people who seem to not have a care in the world. Would I be the same, more likable if I wasn’t trying to be liked? Or would the little things that I find odd about me be true?
My friend also told me about something that happened the other day and it also made me think about this.
She was talking about a really emotional topic with her friend at the cheesecake factory (lol) and ended up crying as her friend consoled her. She told me she was too emotional to eat her cheese cake but laughed because the entire time her friend was comforting her she just kept eating a bunch of cheese cake throughout it. A thing I and probably others would feel was too weird to do but in reality was silly and endearing to her. And then commented about how she has the least amount of social anxiety of anyone shes met, and this is a person shes been painfully in love with for years and has been charmed by every aspect of her personality.
So it brought me to this question. In the warped social anxiety brain, it feels like the anxiety helps keep me from being disliked. Prevents me from being strange or doing potentially off putting things. Obviously thats not helpful, but thinking about all this has really kind of motivated me to start doing the things that I’d normally be worried about. That it might even make me MORE enjoyable. I ask myself this question again though, and I go back and forth on whether this is true or how maybe I’m inherently strange lol. But I think thats a cognitive distortion I need to work through. What are your guyses thoughts?

Background: I quit my job of two years back in August of last year because I was so burnt out and miserable and have been doing consistent therapy since then. I only recently found a therapist for autism after getting diagnosed with autism back in December (I stuck with my original therapist for a bit but she helped me with everything non autism related that she could and eventually had to say that I should look for a therapist who works with autism but her door was open if I couldn’t find anyone so tomorrow is only session 4 with the new one)
My old therapist wanted me to ‘put myself out there’ and start dating again so I’ve been trying but the one area that just fills me with a lot of shame and uneasiness when talking to new people is the question of “what do you do for work/school?” Because I do neither. It’s a topic that I already feel real shitty over because ‘why can’t I just be normal and do xyz’ but like obviously it’s because I need to learn how to work WITH my autism instead of suppressing it but idk how to articulate that to new people without being like “I have autism so I don’t work :)”

So I had temporarily lost custody of my daughter. . I still have a few upcoming court dates for my case. I have been having a really hard time finding my balance and supporting myself since my ex and I split a few years ago. I was the one who left because our relationship was growing toxic and unhealthy for both myself and my daughter. I’ll spare you the details but I didn’t recognize the person I was becoming. When we first met, I was feeling like a failure and was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to reach my goal of becoming a doctopresident. I showed signs of great academic potential as a kid so everyone in my family thought I would become someone great. But once I got into college I started really struggling. Not to mention I always felt very lonely because although it looked like I had great social skills, I was really only mirroring people. So I figured , “well I might as well be someone’s wife, at least I’ll have something to show for my life.” Of course I did grow attached to him, I’m not sure if it was true love or not. I tend to obsess over people . But needless to say, making a big life decision like that out of fear and desperation was probably not gonna end well in the long run. Anywho, after separating I found out about neurodiversity and I wanted so badly to understand why I was stuck and couldn’t move forward. I did rely on his support while we were together(he’s a direct support professional for ppl with developmental disabilities). That shouldn’t been my first sign that I was neurospicy 😅, marrying someone who’s job it was to support neurospicy ppl. I still tried to continue school and work even after getting married because I just couldn’t live with the ghosts of my “unreached potential”. Honestly I’m now realizing that I was definitely being way too hard on myself. All those feelings of inadequacy and failure came flooding back once I was alone again and had to support myself . I am grateful that I received so much support from very kind strangers but at that point, I was distrustful and a bit apprehensive of everyone. Well I feel more or less at peace now and it’s been almost 2 years of trying to figure life out. I said some alarming statements to my counselors in the process but I feel like I finally see the big picture and the world is indeed my oyster! I am slowly figuring out how my brain and body work to better accommodate their needs and maintain homeostasis. I will admit that I was previously feeling overwhelmed with the responsibilities of starting over financially, trying to secure stable housing and a few other obligations I had but even then I tried my best to make the transition as painless as possible for my little one. Ever since being placed with her dad, I feel like her overall wellbeing has drastically declined and I can tell she isn’t too happy. I understand why it’s necessary to act with an abundance of caution whenever a parent shows signs of thoughts of self-harm but I know for sure now that I am the option that is in the best interest of my child and I want to show that next time I go to court. Is it too late to try to get her back? Any advice?

Stuck and need to let it out
Before i start i know i am very stupid for the choices i made. I (26f) got married to my husband (30m) when i was 21 we met from mutual friends and i fell in love with him and it was a feeling ill never forget. He was an amazing guy until he wasn’t he was always very charming and people instantly liked him when meeting him. There is more details but i am going to try to sum it up. I worked a little after marriage than covid hit and i got pregnant with my first born. He took care of me financially always and assured me i dont need to work anyways. I was with him when he was struggling i never complained as a newly wed who barley got to spend time with her husband because i understood i never asked him to take me out or anything i stood by him and now hes very successful (ill get back to why i mentioned that later) my pregnancy was very stressful in my 7th month he hit me and i had bruises on my neck and face i dont even remember what the fight was about after giving birth i struggled alot i was 22 years old i kept finding porn and videos being sent between friends which i have seen before but it started to make me feel bad about myself which i have always been confident before him i told him it bothered me and it never stopped so now im 23 and insecure and i alter my body and do a procedure thinking that will fix things (as i said i know im stupid) he strangled me 2 months after giving birth to the point that i passed out and woke up he almost killed me i never told anyone. He kept saying hes changing and well work things out so i forgave him. My family dosent believe in divorce and as much support i have from them i don’t want to disappoint them. We did good for a little bit we moved to a bigger place and than we moved again to another bigger place that i am in currently. In between all of that there was stuff that i kept seeing that hurt me and bothered me but anytime i say anything he says its me who keeps digging which is true because i grew up having a father who cheated on my mom and i saw it first hand im not going to lie it traumatized me but i did not project it on him until after he started doing the things he did. Hes a very jealous person himself he always tried to control everything he hates that im good looking he tells me all the time he should have married someone “ugly” i do NOT dress provocative at all i barley show any skin but somehow EVERYTHING always leads back to how i dress and all our problems are my fault because of how i dress he says that when we go out men always check me out and it angers him even tho i am not showing any damn skin. Anyways mothers day 2022 he hit me again but he says he didnt but the bruises on my arms say otherwise i have pictures of it and it was bad he tried to throw me down the stairs i begged him not to. Sadly i still wanted to be loved i forgave him moved on he is would buy me gifts and cards and because im so stupid i believed he was sorry anyways now its 2023 and i find out im pregnant i didnt know how i felt my first born was lonley so i thought at least they will have a sibling.. surprise its twins and i knew im going to go through it i had the worse pregnancy i almost died i developed pre eclampsia and my doctor missed it i gave birth early my whole pregnancy i was alone i was so lonley just me and my first born i cried everyday husband was working so i couldn’t complain without it turning to a fight even though its his company and he could afford to have been there a little for me it is not 7 months after i gave birth physically i feel good mentally i dont he is never there for me as a husband i been telling him i feel like he’s just a roomate at this point we have no dates barley any intimacy which had been going on for years i know hes insecure and i never used it against him but he always would to me he hates now that i bounced back quickly and like to dress up again because the end of my pregnancy i was very swollen i was wearing all his clothes. I kept crying telling him i have needs just like anyone else i want to feel loved i dont want to live like this but anytime i say anything he says i complain to much now last week he beat me over nothing it was 60 seconds into a petty argument and he attacked me i packed myself and my 3 kids he watched me packing calling me names i left to a hotel for a night nd than my moms house he got backlash from both our families i ended up having to come home for the kids im miserable hes not sorry mothers day he barley acknowledged me But we spent the day and today any time we try to talk about anything he blames me.
I know im stupid i dont know how i can start over again i have 3 kids i am in the works of going back to school so when the babys start school ill have my career because i am financially dependent on him which is my fault i worked since i was 14 but he convinced me not to anymore My oldest loves their father so much it hurts me to put my baby through this drama There is soooooo much more detail and stuff to add Hes not the worse person i guess i bring out the bad in him when all i ever wanted was to be in a healthy marriage and give my kids what i didn’t have growing up
I dont know what to do i know i have to finish school so i can get a stable job but that means i have to stay and suck it up
I never wanted to be divorced but this marriage is over i always thought cheating was the only reason for divorce i am not in love with him but its so hard to let it go i never was like this i was so out going the life of the party i dont even recognize myself i feel so sad and depressed and alone i have the most amazing friends but i cant get myself to open up

I am a 23 year old male driver in California. I have a clean record but my driving age is around 6 years. I've been digging online to look for an accurate quote for a 2024 Tesla Model Y through Tesla Insurance as I've seen it's cheaper but can't seem to find anything accurate for my age. I can't actually get a quote until I've purchased the car and have a VIN number, but I am slightly making my decision on purchasing this car based on how cheap the insurance can be.
I spoke with a dealership employee and he said based on my age, record, and driving history, I would probably be paying an insurance premium of around $150 a month. That seems really low so wanted to see other people's experience through Tesla Insurance for a similar make and model.

i have worked at walmart for over a year, and not ONCE have i been assigned to stage, dispense, prep orders, do exceptions, or even packing! the only thing i was taught how to do was picking. i really wish i could learn something new because doing picks every single day gets really boring. even the people who got hired almost a year AFTER me have gotten to dispense, and do exceptions.
my pick rate isn’t even bad. it used to be in the 80’s when i first started, but eventually i was able to get it up to 200 at most.
however, nobody said a word when my pick rate was getting good. i was first place on the leaderboard for two weeks in a row for the entire shift, and i STILL didn’t get to do anything new.
so, why can’t i do exceptions, pack, dispense, or stage, yet everybody else does? every time i mention it, my coworkers say “why don’t you ask?”
i shouldn’t HAVE to ask! if they got to do it one day without asking to do it, then i shouldn’t have to either! do they just not like me? should i quit? what do i do? why does everyone else get to learn everything else, yet i’m stuck doing picking, reshop, and cleaning carts every single day.
why haven’t they taught me anything else? my pick rate isn’t even bad! is this their way of telling me to quit?

With all the Gypsy Rose Blanchester stuff in the media lately I’ve been remembering some things from my childhood. I’ve been in therapy for about a year but am currently taking few months off due to insurance issues. So I don’t have access to my therapist but this has really been bothering me.
Basically I had minor behioral issues when I was young and my mom got me tested based off a teacher recommendation. I ended up being diagnosed with ADHD and anxiety.
We got in with a not so great doctor and my mom quickly found out how easy it was to get medication for me. Through the doctor my mother was able to put me on some intense medication. From ages 10-16 I was on trazodone,Abilify, Strattera, Adderall, a blood control, birth control, and Xanax as she deemed needed. My mother had everyone including myself convinced I had bipolar disorder. She occasionally would say I was psychotic and waiting to be tested for that when I was 18. Also a lie. Often times I didn’t want to take the medications because I felt so sick and foggy on them. When I refused to take them she would pin my down and force them in my mouth. Holding my nose and mouth so I couldn’t breath until I swallowed them. Twice she called a policy officer to Baker act me for refusing to take it and said I was having a violent manic episode and attempting to kill myself (I was not) and got me placed in a 24 hour hold.
When I was 21 and out of contact I went and got a psychological evaluation. Mainly because I didn’t know what I was actually diagnosed with and was terrified I was this monster she made me out to be. I am now diagnosed with ADHD and PTSD (shocker). But no personality disorders.
I know we can’t ask for a diagnosis on here. But I’m curious about this illness and can’t find much just from google. Is MSBD something I the victim would be diagnosed with or my mother? Also is it only for if you fake physical y illness like cancer? And is there any research or known cases of people in similar circumstances who were forced to take behavioral medication and believe they were mentally ill?

I plan to show this to my girlfriend (I’ll call her Nora since she has a ridiculously rare name) when she’s finished her finals on Thursday. I’m using a throwaway because she’s advocated for me to always convey my feelings, with her, a journal, friends or my family and I’ll use reddit this time and she loves this platform. We’ve resolved everything but I still want to write everything down and show her.
For some background, Nora and I met and became the best of friends when we both started middle school; we had the same classes together up until high school and up until Covid, we stopped talking for 2-3 years. In 11th grade, we had many of the same classes once again and within 2 months of the school year, I fell for her. I didn’t confess for another 4-5 months by asking her out to junior prom and we started dating March 31, 2022. Since then, we’ve bettered ourselves, experienced shared dreams, been to 6 countries and 20 states together. We one-up each other when it’s time to celebrate our birthdays and anniversary. We saved each other and I know for certain that she is my soulmate and she’s the only person that I want to marry and have a family with down the line. Currently, we’re freshmen at different colleges in our home state.
For the past few weeks, she’s been stressed for this one final, it’s the highest math she needs for her program and we’ve been taking college classes since June 2022 up until attending college in August 2023. Her plan for the last 2 years has always been to attending community college to knock out her pre-reqs before transferring within a few months. Although since she’s nearing the finish line for this plan, it’s been taking the biggest toll on her.
But last week specifically, she was really unresponsive, which isn’t like her. Whenever she would stay the night over, she would either sleep on the couch in my room and stay up longer than me (which always worried me considering I’m quite an insomniac whenever I don’t get a chance to share the same bed with her or to hear her telling me goodnight). The only time she opened up to me was to let all of her frustrations out. I would go to my family (they love her just as much as they love me) a lot but they’d only endearingly laugh at me, my mom especially. She’d tell me “She’s the reason you’re able to be open up so much to us, give her time” and things along those lines.
I did do as my mom said and gave her time, but I know my girl very well. I know when she wants to talk, when she wants to hug and when she wants to cry. But I also knew she didn’t want to talk just yet. Our conversations were short, and as much as it killed me, I knew she needed time more than anyone.
Yesterday (Mother’s Day), I ended up being the reason we fixed things. We like to spend the first half of holidays at her place then mine after. I went to her place, her eldest brother opened the door and smiled at me, we made conversation and he told me she was upstairs. I dropped my gifts off and went to knock on her door. She said come in and was surprised to see me, I guess she didn’t know what time I was coming over.
Looking at her felt like time stopped, Nora has always been the most beautiful woman, no one can rival her radiant smile, her loud laughs or the pleasure of staring at her; but she was glowing. She smelt like lemon, ginger and coconut, she smelt like herself. She felt like herself. At that point my face was burning, she got up and started inspecting my face, her hands were on my face and she kept asking what was wrong.
I started crying without knowing and she started to panic, crying has become a normality for me, I always find myself crying when she cries. But crying out of nowhere was alarming for her. She spent 10 minutes consoling me before I apologized for making her panic. She said it was fine but asked what was wrong. I told her how when I saw her, it felt like she was herself again. It was the first time she’s touched me in over a week (physical touch being my love language) and I asked her what happened to make her, her regular self again. She told me that “Your support for me has been unwavering for 2 years, I can’t possibly disappoint you with how much you’ve put into being there for me through everything, and I think making gifts for your mom and mine just made me realize I shouldn’t stress so much, I got to take my mind off everything and I wanted to apologize to you for being so short and disrespectful of your feelings”
She started laughing after explaining and started teasing me until we started to banter back and forth and ended up wrestling together. After some minutes, Nora hugged me really tight and kissed me countless times and told me how sorry she’s been. I easily forgave her, she’s always gone out of her way to make sure I’m okay.
I just thought I’d put my feelings down somewhere before heading to bed, we’re sharing the same bed for the first time in a week or so and the idea of getting ready in the morning to help her study makes me smile. She’s been stressed a lot and I’ve promised her that once she’s officially done this semester, I’m treating her to a deserved spa day with a manicure and pedicure, I’ve already paid her hair stylist in advance for her appointment on Saturday.
I just want my girl to be happy and stress free the way she’s always trying her best to be present in lives of the people she cares for and she’s gone several miles: from being the first to show up for my younger sister’s (17) art exhibits, paying for her prom, taking her shopping, to going on morning walks with my older sister (22), going to concerts and helping my parents. I’d be stupid if I didn’t show how far my appreciation for her runs.
I’ve been rambling for the last 20 minutes and I’m happy I made this account, I really do love Nora more than life itself because she’s the one who made me love the longevity of my life. I talk to my dad about her constantly and my friends can’t go without telling me that I always talk about Nora when the chance is given. I can’t do without her and her serenity, her weirdness, her humor her warmth and her beauty.
Good night!
TL;DR: I'm planning to pour my heart out to my girlfriend after her finals. We've been inseparable since middle school, she's my soulmate. Lately, she’s been stressed, but we had a breakthrough on Mother's Day, and I feel relieved. I can't wait to support her and treat her to a spa day. I'm head over heels for her and deeply appreciate everything she does for me and my family.

Hello I am a transfer student wondering about the BMEG program at UBC. BMEG was the engineering discipline that originally got me excited about engineering, but I see tons of people online saying how it’s impossible to find a job and to not get into it under any circumstance. The thing is I am really interested in the cell engineering option and there is no other discipline that seems very interesting. I could see myself going into CHBE but I really don’t think I would love it as much as BMEG. But chemical engineering seems to have way more job opportunities and the pay (on average) is usually better (from what I have seen). From your experience how is the BMEG program at UBC in all aspects from coursework to internship experience (or lack thereof). I appreciate any response.

it's my first time posting here so please bare with me. i started becoming aware that my sister wasn't someone i could "win" against or prove a point to about 4 years ago. in therapy i talked about trying to disengage and grey rock her while still maintaining a relationship because cutting her off didn't feel right.
most of the time, interacting with her leaves me so confused. i will admit i handle it badly and i have no idea what to do because it feels like no matter how much i prepare for it and tell myself to keep a level head, i reach a point where i explode and start yelling things that don't make sense to even me. i feel so stupid after like im surrounded by an ongoing wreckage that i caused
she has so many expectations for me that are entirely impossible to meet. i used to feel bad and upset with myself for not being what she wanted and scared of her disappointment, now i just feel angry that it's being imposed on me
i'm angry that im always compensating for her feelings and jumping hurdles to avoid fights in the house. i'm fed up with hearing her monologues about how much she's done for me my whole life and how terribly i've treated her.
i know i need to calm down in order to get to tomorrow, the real problem is how i messed up tonight. she's graduating from grad school in two days. we (other sister and i) asked her if she'd like to find a place to eat 2-3 weeks ago and her response was she wasn't sure what she wanted, she felt it would be a hassle, and she couldn't decide. cue us telling her it's her decision and we'd like to celebrate her however she'd prefer. we'd go in circles, i know she seeks validation and will never be satisfied with how much i'm willing to give before i feel like a sheep. each time we asked it was the same answer. yesterday we agreed to a meal after the ceremony but not on a place. we said she should pick a place and we'd make the reservation. today i'm texting her restaurants to choose from. the added issue is who pays for the meal because she's currently unemployed and my mom is also low income so they will split it.
planning a reservation for a large group comes with its own issues and those could've been handled but it started to feel impossible when she started saying "i just thought you guys would handle it after you said you would last night but now it feels like it's falling on me." after telling her that there's a miscommunication here because we only said we'd book the reservation after a place was decided, she brought up feeling disappointment and uncared for 6 more times. that's when i exploded and said that this was ridiculous and started arguing. the only way she would've stopped repeating that is if i had apologized for not doing better. she says she was so happy that we took the responsibility and stepped up for once, that she was bragging to best friend about it today
according to my other sister, narc sister is mostly now upset that i yelled and threw my feelings at her. i know 100% that for years now she'll be saying i ruined her graduation and that we as a family have never treated her well and that for all my graduations she did everything a big sister should do to make me happy
im so fed up truly i feel lost and deranged and like im hallucinating. i drafted a text to send in the morning apologizing for lashing out but i'm dreading having to see her in the morning and hear her dry responses that see no issue in how she expected us to be mind readers and take full control of the planning

Yesterday I sent a picture of my boobs to some random guy on snapchat 😣
I guess I wasn't really thinking straight at the moment, but now I can't help but feel this anxiety that somehow he's going to send it to every last person I know, even though I don't even know where he's from and he doesn't know me personally. Problem is just if he wanted to search me up online he could probably find me. He didn't screenshot or save the picture, I now deleted them and my face isn't visible in the picture, but I did send just a picture of my face on a separate snap. I don't care about my actual boobs being out there online, if no one actually knows they're mine, but I'm just scared they will somehow resurface and people will know it's me.
I don't really know why I posted this, some advice for women who've had a similar experience might be nice on how to just deal with it. I'm definitely not doing it again that's for sure 😅

I am not one for negative reviews as I typically feel if I have a bad experience, it is just a bad day. However, this company has shown a pattern of poor care for its customers as well as lack of support in general. I opened my first checking account with them when I was 14 years old, and am now 26. I have had a personal checking and savings account with them for the last 10 years and opened a credit card with them 2 years ago. I have since decided that this is not the bank for me mainly due to a complete lack of customer service.
First of all, this bank began charging me maintenance fees on my checking account of nowhere a few months ago, so I tried to call. I sat on the phone punching #s for hours trying to get a human on the phone to see why this was. Not possible. So I visited a branch and they treated me like I was unimportant and could figure out my problems myself and was told to “go find the answer on google.” Eventually a banker met with me who said that since I was no longer a “student” I would be charged maintenance fees. Understandable, except I am a student. I pulled up my transcript and everything for this guy and he continued to tell me his hands were tied and he could not help. Fine, but kind of annoying.
So I get a credit card with bank of america, my first credit card mind you, and I’m enjoying earning rewards on my card and gaining cash back. I am person who prefers simplicity so I immediately set up autodraft/autopay to pay the statement balance each month. However for my first payment they drafted the statement amount twice from my BofA checking account. Not cool. I did not have that much in my checking account. Overdraft fee. I try calling to get help, again on the phone for multiple hours and unable to speak with a human. I go to a branch (different than the one in my last experience) where I am again told to call customer service or “use Erica, their AI chatbot,” so I leave and go to a different branch where someone finally helps me, but still is unable to refund the double charge OR the overdraft fee. They said, “it will just remain on your credit card as a statement credit so you won’t have to pay the next one.” Fine, but really annoying.
So Im a few months out from this I am getting married and we decided to bank with Chase (who is amazing on the customer service side by the way). I now have a checking account with Chase that is my main account, so I want to autodraft/autopay my BofA credit card with my chase checking account. Well, BofA makes that nearly impossible. I cannot figure out how to have BofA draft the exact statement balance due each month from my checking account automatically. I spend a few hours on google/reddit/etc trying to figure it out, which should not be hard considering I work with computers every day. However, I do not find a solution so I travel to a new BofA branch (not one I have been to before) and explain the situation that I would like to set up autodraft from a Chase checking acct. They tell me they cannot help with credit cards in the bank and I need to call customer service. Not falling for that again. So I go to ANOTHER new BofA branch that I have never been to and ask the same question. One lady does help me and says all I have to do is go to Chase bank to have them set this up because it is a problem on their end. So I do that. And Chase tells me that BofA will not share info with other banks to allow them to see amount due through the Chase bill pay feature. So I give up
A month later I have some free time and I am in a different city so I schedule an appointment with a BofA banker to see if we can revisit the credit card issue. I am helped! He calls customer service himself with me there, somehow gets a human on the line in only 5 minutes, and they send me an email how to setup my Chase checking acct as a “pay from account.” However these instructions do not work because for some reason my account is not eligible to be set up online and I must mail a voided check to bank of america headquarters before they can consider my account for enrollment. So I ask the banker if I have to use this BofA credit card to maintain it and he tells me he’s pretty sure I will receive notice prior to an closing of my credit cards, contrary to what redditors have shared, so I take his word for it and try to set up Autopay. Well I give up again.
So a few days later I am tired of this bank and decide to close my accounts and switch everything to chase. I made an appointment at ANOTHER new branch, so I am well travelled to the Bank of America Branches within South Carolina/North Carolina. I tell the banker I am closing and leaving BofA, she asks why, I tell her that their customer service is not very good and that bankers have little-to-no power to help with hardly anything an everyday customer may need. She tries to convince me to stay. I say no. I get her to close my checking and savings account and she tells me they can give me cash (the remaining balances in these accounts). I run my credit card scenario by her in a last ditch effort to get it figured out, but she cant help, and another banker overhears us talking, says “I am really good with credit card stuff, let me help you.” So I go to his office, explain everything, and he says he cant help me. Shocker. So I take my account closure statements across the foyer of the BofA branch and hand them to the teller to finally cash out and leave this place forever. He cannot accept my withdrawal. Somehow in the time between my talks with the first banker and the time I reach the teller 15 feet away their computer system has gone down. The teller informs me that the accounts have already been closed so there is no way to get the money out at the moment. All 4 branch bankers are behind the counter with him running through how they can service me and you know what their solution was? “Give us a call back every few hours to see if we have figured out a solution.” NO. I will NOT ever try to call BofA again. I am giving you my phone number to call ME once you have a solution. So I leave, and receive a call later that day because the teller tells me they are closing soon and he needs me to return to discuss my options. I drive back to the branch. He tells me I have 2 options: 1) have the checks mailed to me once BofA figures out how to solve this issue Or 2) come back first thing in the morning to follow up and hopefully figure it out. I am not going to trust BofA to figure out anything at this point so I decide I am going to return in the morning, and every day after until they fix this . At the moment they have no solutions, so I will see if they dreamt some up overnight tomorrow! I will update again as the story unfolds
TLDR: Bank of America is absolute Trash

I 30f am way too old for this but. Ive never had a serious relationship. Met a guy at age 22 first guy I fell in love with. Only it wasnt mutual. We started off as a casual hookup/friendship which I thought I was OK with eventually told him I wasnt but he would kinda dangle the promise of a relationship with me for years and since we lived at a long distance that was kind of his excuse. It turned out he was not a nice guy anyway, he mistreated me a crazy amount and discarded me whenever convenient for him. He was narcissistic. He was also the most fun Ive ever had with a person. I will never feel that way again, but I have to remind myself it wasnt anything sentimental or real. Ive gone to therapy, online dated a ton, had some crushes, some flings, some longer things that almost turned serious but felt really boring. I cant seem to find someone and never feel good enough for the people I truly like and feel a connection to. It all started with him.
Anyway, he tried to reconnect many, many times to the point I had to block him on absolutely everything as he would not stop reaching out over the years but would only come back to shatter me again. He would always say how do you not have a boyfriend youre so xyz, and encourage me to find a boyfriend meanwhile he was just toying with my emotions. When I joined insta, about 6 months ago, he tried following me and I blocked him. Things went too far that last time we saw eachother, and I felt pathetic and degraded. Hes been blocked for about 2 years now. So our "not relationship" went on seven. years. I know this is shameful. I have a burner insta account where I lurk a bit (I know its bad) and I lurk several ppl himself included. He sent the account a message saying "why you lurking me". I blocked him on my burner account.
As an INFP how do I get rid of the sentimental feelings and reminiscing of a first love. Ive been open minded, but I have terrible luck/maybe just not quite "enough" for the type of person I wish to be with. Ive tried dating all types of guys but with the ones I truly like, I always get discarded. I get dates easily, but rarely get asked out a 2nd time. Guys I meet organically also lose interest super quick. I have come to accept I may never find someone, never have kids. I'll certainly never have that young love. Im kind of in a low point realizing this, even though other aspects of my life are going well. What I want most is romantic love. I guess thats why lately my mind wanders back to this guy just to see what hes doing as he was someone I talked to regularly for 7 years. I will never speak to him again but always wonder if he misses me ever.

So my players are higher level and have been traveling all over the Sword Coast and when they got to Goldenfields I ran it more or less as it was in the book, but Strog Thunderblade is a problem. His incompetence got a lot of soldiers killed, and my table is entirely made of combat arms soldiers, mostly who worked in dismounted recon, so they really look at him as a real piece of shit getting all those dudes killed on guard by not listening to the recon element. He also got crops trampled and animals killed which makes the druid pretty mad.
Anyway, they get the 6 sidequests from the 6 NPCs and the first one they do is escorting the Zhent rogue, Shalvus Martholio, to Wormford. They have already killed the Wormford bat and have bad blood with the Zhents so I thought they may kill Shalvus so I tried to make it a bit of a moral dilemma. They find out he is a Zhent and decide to manipulate him pretending they are tight with Zhents to get him talking. He reveals 'Yea I am spying on Goldenfields for the network but in my report I am going to explain that the Emerald Enclave and Goldenfields are great to the Realm, they feed everyone and steward the land and animals wonderfully. My only issue is their pesky alliance with the Lord's Alliance. They feed Waterdeep, who then feel a "duty" to provide aid, like that piece of shit Thunderblade, whose incompetence nearly lost loads of food, and got a bunch of people and animals killed. I am too low rank to have taken him out on my own accord, but I plan to recommend we do take a hit on him.'
Surprisingly, my players all agreed with him. They heard his Zhent sales pitch which was basically "The Lord's alliance are all a result of nepotism, the harpers are naeive and insufferable, but the zhents can actually control crime by turning it into a regulated guild rather than pretending you can stamp it out, we would be better defenders of Goldenfields and alley to them than the Lords' Alliance'
So now how do we make Strom Thunderblade an interesting element narratively? I have one of two ideas.
The first one is he is in fact an incompetent officer from the Lord's Alliance, he is there from nepotism, he is up his own ass, his station as a military officer was bought not earned, but because of his powerful connections harm cannot be allowed to come to him. Though people in Waterdeep were tired of how useless he was and shipped him off to Goldenfields for a 1 year "broadening assignment," working as a watch commander on a section of the wall and that turned out giving him just enough power to get good men killed. The Emerald Enclave are furious with him but can't do much due to politics, the Lords' Alliance know he is an ass, but his family is too valuable to him and will predict he now has a target on his back and send some muscle out to protect him, and to advise him as they actually do have experience leading at least small units.
The second option is he is not incompetent, but a saboteure. He works for a nefarious organization such as the Kraken Society, or the Iron Throne, or both, and they use his noble status to get him in places to overhear important meetings mostly, but this time they asked him to fuck up the defences of Goldenfields to destabilize the region and shift the balance of power to make the crops in Yartar more valuable, as they have vested interests there, and believe they can control that market much safer than Goldenfields who has super fortified walls, emerald enclave everywhere, and an established relationship with the Lords' Alliance of Waterdeep.
Any thoughts on what I should do? Has anyone else punched this part of the story up?

Hello everyone, I am a 10th grade student in an AP biology class and I have been given an assignment allowing me to interview a biologist about their research. Unfortunately I only have through May the 16th to actually do the interview and record information so I am in desperate need to find someone wiling to make such short terms. I myself am very interested in biology and passionate about science in general, so I would absolutely love to talk to a biologist. If anyone is available, please reach out to me! It would be very much appreciated. I’m not sure much about how Reddit works, I have only come on here because I am in a bit of a bind and I know Reddit is a large community full of helpful people, so I suppose leave a response if you are interested and then I can share my email! Thank you again to anyone who takes the time to read and consider!

So I figured I'd get on her and speak about what I have learned from testing people and there reactions to the things you do and says,so all my life well since the first time I noticed the reaction of someone from my actions,I have been testing people and seeing how they react to all different things and when they are in different moods,I've set back and stayed quiet and watched the and I have learned how to read everyone, and having this skill is a double edged sword, because there are a lot of people who can't be themselves around me regardless if I tell them I don't care,it's because of the psychological mind block it creates in their minds, when they are trying to play they're made up character they've made themselves out to look like,but when someone knows what they are about, it keeps going through there mind of the fact someone is watching them act and pretend to be this character, so they feel out of place and there could do a lot of different things,but they just need me out of the group,but they have a issue with just asking me to leave, this is their pride and ego narcissist kicking in and they have to do things in ways that make no sense to me and confuse me and make me look like the bad person or anything to cause their fans to dislike me and get me to leave, and this is the ways of a narcissist as most of them are call karans,but not every karan narcissist are the same in there psychological mindset,some karans are created by the effects of the sober mind of a person who are mentally and physically drained in there life and have no patience to anything,but they're stubborn and you can't help them with anything, especially mental strength by meds, you can watch them and see how miserable they are making themselves and everyone in their life,this is because they have a control issue and their way and their minds are so drained and exhausted and they can't think alike with anyone besides those like-minded people,but anyone who suggest meds or anything to help ease there issues of frustration they live with by living with a stubborn mind will be rejected and they will always remain miserable and ridiculous about the way others live there life and what they put in their bodies,lol I'm actually losing my track on this on how best to make people understand this better than I'm doing,lol,but anyway a lot of people need meds and which meds is all based on their actions and feelings with sober mind, everyones brain is created just a little different than the next and some are created way different by undeveloped areas of the brain,while the fetus is growing into the full human,this is a very important time for the mother to be careful and pick and choose how she lives, because of how sensitive the effects of everything may cause issues with the full development of the child's brain and the way there life will become,it's all based on the brain,but nobody will ever be exactly the same in how they think and there personality, so we have all different types of personalities,in the brain your moods you feel are all created by the brain creating different chemicals as we call drugs, so everyone does all different types of drugs everyday created by our brains and those are all the different moods and feels me have,but if your brain doesn't get fully developed to function properly to be able to handle the stress we deal with,as why we have all different medications to help boost that part of the brain and help level the chemicals being created,as Im ADHD and manic bipolar and suffering from bad depression,but it's all up and down and everywhere at times especially without any form of meds and I need strong meds to help level me, but my brain was underdeveloped in a few areas and I just have to help with boosting the dopamine level in my brain and I've been testing all different types of things trying to find a good level of my brains actively so I can function and relax, without any medication I lose all abilities,I can't think or function for weeks and sleep none stop,I lose all control of self control and my brain craves dopamine as it can't create the right amount to my me function normally,that is a effect when I was a fetus and something stopped the development of that area of my brain and few other areas that cause my depression and mood swings,my mother smoked marijuana and cigarettes while pregnant with me,so was this the thing that caused me to have these issues,idk but very possible by the way thc and nicotine effect the brain when in the system, the dopamine slows down and you because lost in confusion while getting hungry and giggly and I feel that way when I'm sober,but with a addition of feeling drunk and not giving a fuck and real social, but it never level and longer I am without the medications,my brain speeds up and I get more and more anxious and need to go go and do something or anything but I have zero interest in anything and I just pace the floor and call everybody and i never get any relief,even when I sleep I don't sleep and I wake up exhausted with my mind racing,I feel like I'm trapped in my misery and can't get out,the medications help relive it all and I feel alive relaxed and comfortable with good motivation to get things done, this is just my example of how the brain needs drugs and why people need meds and truth is everyone has the ability to understand why people do the things they do and why they feel the way they feel,but it's all based on brain development before birth, you can cause the issue with your brain by hitting your head and over dosing yourself with basically anything and hurt the function of your brain. There's people who's will be a totally different person with certain medications,but overall the personality is all based on the brains development before birth. So I've just confused myself from the point of understanding for you by what I am saying,lol I just know I was all over the place writing this, but it is all good to know about regardless and I will be back to write a lot more.🫣😊

Stuck and need to let it out
Before i start i know i am very stupid for the choices i made. I (26f) got married to my husband (30m) when i was 21 we met from mutual friends and i fell in love with him and it was a feeling ill never forget. He was an amazing guy until he wasn’t he was always very charming and people instantly liked him when meeting him. There is more details but i am going to try to sum it up. I worked a little after marriage than covid hit and i got pregnant with my first born. He took care of me financially always and assured me i dont need to work anyways. I was with him when he was struggling i never complained as a newly wed who barley got to spend time with her husband because i understood i never asked him to take me out or anything i stood by him and now hes very successful (ill get back to why i mentioned that later) my pregnancy was very stressful in my 7th month he hit me and i had bruises on my neck and face i dont even remember what the fight was about after giving birth i struggled alot i was 22 years old i kept finding porn and videos being sent between friends which i have seen before but it started to make me feel bad about myself which i have always been confident before him i told him it bothered me and it never stopped so now im 23 and insecure and i alter my body and do a procedure thinking that will fix things (as i said i know im stupid) he strangled me 2 months after giving birth to the point that i passed out and woke up he almost killed me i never told anyone. He kept saying hes changing and well work things out so i forgave him. My family dosent believe in divorce and as much support i have from them i don’t want to disappoint them. We did good for a little bit we moved to a bigger place and than we moved again to another bigger place that i am in currently. In between all of that there was stuff that i kept seeing that hurt me and bothered me but anytime i say anything he says its me who keeps digging which is true because i grew up having a father who cheated on my mom and i saw it first hand im not going to lie it traumatized me but i did not project it on him until after he started doing the things he did. Hes a very jealous person himself he always tried to control everything he hates that im good looking he tells me all the time he should have married someone “ugly” i do NOT dress provocative at all i barley show any skin but somehow EVERYTHING always leads back to how i dress and all our problems are my fault because of how i dress he says that when we go out men always check me out and it angers him even tho i am not showing any damn skin. Anyways mothers day 2022 he hit me again but he says he didnt but the bruises on my arms say otherwise i have pictures of it and it was bad he tried to throw me down the stairs i begged him not to. Sadly i still wanted to be loved i forgave him moved on he is would buy me gifts and cards and because im so stupid i believed he was sorry anyways now its 2023 and i find out im pregnant i didnt know how i felt my first born was lonley so i thought at least they will have a sibling.. surprise its twins and i knew im going to go through it i had the worse pregnancy i almost died i developed pre eclampsia and my doctor missed it i gave birth early my whole pregnancy i was alone i was so lonley just me and my first born i cried everyday husband was working so i couldn’t complain without it turning to a fight even though its his company and he could afford to have been there a little for me it is not 7 months after i gave birth physically i feel good mentally i dont he is never there for me as a husband i been telling him i feel like he’s just a roomate at this point we have no dates barley any intimacy which had been going on for years i know hes insecure and i never used it against him but he always would to me he hates now that i bounced back quickly and like to dress up again because the end of my pregnancy i was very swollen i was wearing all his clothes. I kept crying telling him i have needs just like anyone else i want to feel loved i dont want to live like this but anytime i say anything he says i complain to much now last week he beat me over nothing it was 60 seconds into a petty argument and he attacked me i packed myself and my 3 kids he watched me packing calling me names i left to a hotel for a night nd than my moms house he got backlash from both our families i ended up having to come home for the kids im miserable hes not sorry mothers day he barley acknowledged me But we spent the day and today any time we try to talk about anything he blames me.
I know im stupid i dont know how i can start over again i have 3 kids i am in the works of going back to school so when the babys start school ill have my career because i am financially dependent on him which is my fault i worked since i was 14 but he convinced me not to anymore My oldest loves their father so much it hurts me to put my baby through this drama There is soooooo much more detail and stuff to add Hes not the worse person i guess i bring out the bad in him when all i ever wanted was to be in a healthy marriage and give my kids what i didn’t have growing up I dont know what to do i know i have to finish school so i can get a stable job but that means i have to stay and suck it up
I never wanted to be divorced but this marriage is over i always thought cheating was the only reason for divorce i am not in love with him but its so hard to let it go i never was like this i was so out going the life of the party i dont even recognize myself i feel so sad and depressed and alone i have the most amazing friends but i cant get myself to open up

Hi friends! Sometimes we can't go wrong with the classics and today we're doing a Jump Doc Analysis of Burkess's Concept Understand Education Wonder jump! As usual have a secondary link to my past discussion posts.

General Thoughts

I've noticed I always have a lot of fun with Burkess's odder jumps. One of my favorites of theirs is Generic Totally Not Mind Control, which is a hilariously powerful jump depending on the setting you're planning to go to, and this one is also shockingly powerful (there's a perk to become a concept, a perk to bring inanimate objects to life, and an item which can absorb all of the knowledge someone has! It's wild).
This jump is the ultimate one-stop-shop for teachers & educators, which is a VERY good skill for jumpers to master. Jumpers, particularly early jumpers, would be wise to figure out how to do teaching stuff and do it well, as being a teacher is a good profession for a jumper and also mastering teaching is a pretty powerful way to subtly or not so subtly guide, shape, and improve settings. Becoming a skilled teacher is a powerful key to figuring out how to alter the course of jumps without having big flashy powers, and being a skilled teacher is a heck of a way to craft better, or worse, ends for the places you visit.
I'm a member of a setting known as the Shiftverse, which is VAGUELY like a fusion of jumpchains and more generic isekai stuff and in it two skills are top of the line in almost any situation: farming/survival & teaching. Teaching is a critical way to become indispensable to a community or group of people that is in a moderately stable condition, while farming/survival is more critical for communities in dire conditions, but of the two skills teaching is usually the skill that produces the most change over the long-term. Teaching is a vastly underrated skill set for any sort of multiversal wanderer, and in this jump we start to see some of the real power of a teacher come to the fore. So let's dive in!

Items

There's only nine items in this jump, Jumper Academy, The Living Orphanage, Treats & Games, Teaching Materials, Experimental Lab, Book Of Concepts, Media Library, Your TV Show, & Hungry Knowledge.
Two of these items are books, Book of Concepts (the obligatory "You can spread abilities like the ones here throughout the setting) & Hungry Knowledge (which can grant magical knowledge to peeps!). Three of the items are places: Jumper Academy (Generic School item), Living Orphanage (an orphanage which naturally attracts little orphan peeps from throughout a setting), & Experimental Lab (self-cleaning, auto-adjusting laboratory for all of your experiments). Three items are collections of items; Treats & Games (fun prizes and rewards for your students), Teaching Materials (a collection of supplies for teaching stuff), and Media Library (a collection of copies of all of the media you've consumed and will consume in the future). The last item is Your TV Show which is a program you are the lead actor in which will naturally be geared around education in some capacity, AND a network which you control and can create more shows for.
I like these items, they're all pretty solid encapsulations of various scenarios related to learning and different contexts in which learning can occur. Honestly there's just a lot of fun to be had with these items, and a range of different jumpers would be able to benefit from looking over some of what this jump has to display in terms of items. Funnily enough there's no teaching certificate item here, which is a bit disappointing. Though if someone wants that, it's the free item for teachers over in my High School Musical jump which could be a very fun jump to use this as a supplement with.

Perks

There are many pages of perks, as is invariably the case in a jump like this. I have a few standout favorites and I want to talk about them for a beat.
Innovation is an immersive power-modifier that allows you to take all of your powers and figure out ways to creatively use them which grants you new abilities thematically tied to your powers. They Ask Questions & Always Employed are thematically relevant employment perks that guarantee that you'll find that people like and respect you more, and are more willing to ask you to help them learn new stuff. Retrocognition is a fun perk that lets you learn the pasts of places you visit and objects you touch. Some perks like A Customized Approach, Potential Unlock, and What's Your Motivation are perfect for tutors working with singular students or small groups and allow you to figure out how to create the best, most fulfilling stuff you can imagine to work with them and teach them.
Some of the perks here are direct superpowers like Know What I Know which is a telepathy granter, and Uplift Them and Creating Life which is a sentience granter and a life-creator (for inanimate objects) respectively. These perks are interesting, and all grant new contexts for you to mess about with your abilities and CREATE students for you to teach as well as figures you can learn from.
The perks here are a healthy mix of giving you new ways to get people excited about learning, allowing you to learn stuff from people (or even ghosts!), and ways to figure out how to best teach someone something. A lot of this stuff is really good for tutors specifically, as opposed to more modern teachers and lecturers, but make no mistake there's plenty of ways to leverage the stuff here to be handy among larger numbers of people.
The perks this jump offers are worth exploring yourself, but if you've ever thought about having a jumper who either uses a job as a teacher as a cover, or just IS a teacher who likes to explore and learn stuff this jump has a lot of fun stuff for you to snatch up. I think there's just a lot of different, interesting ideas this jump allows you to explore and gives you a set of skills and abilities that will be useful in virtually any context sans something truly extreme like you being in a jump where you are either alone or almost completely alone, or where you are well and truly surrounded by hostiles and you've just got to endure whatever bullshit the jump is throwing at you (and this jump has stuff for that too! Seriously, this is a very intriguing jump).

Conclusion & Parting Thoughts

This is a very intriguing mundane/cosmic citizen jump. I think it's funny that Burkess found some straight up superpowers related to teaching and learning and I appreciate that a jump as minor as this has some real powers in it. I also like that this jump just revolves around an essential skill, and takes that skill to some pretty intense heights without doing the traditional stuff like allowing you to teach someone your superpowers. It's cool to see such creative thoughts put into a jump and made into a fun playground for jumpers to mess around in.

Hi all! This will be a very long post, but I hope it will be an invaluable resource in parrot care for anyone who is either considering getting a bird or has one already. I am NOT an expert and all provided information I have cited below for your viewing leisure; these are simply tips and educational content I've amassed over months of dedicated research and cobbled together in one convenient package. I will continue to update or make amends to this post as necessary and encourage insights from others so we can all do the very best for our feathered companions as possible. Particularly, I encourage anyone overcome with feelings of overwhelm or struggling with parrot behavioral issues to read what I am about to write lest it provides you with any answers.
(I should mention that there will always be exceptions to some of the broad generalizations elucidated here: for example, you might have a cuddly IRN despite the species' known aversiveness to touch).
With that being said, let's start by dismantling some very prevalent myths about parrot husbandry.
Myth #1: Placing your bird on your shoulder or the top of its cage will cause your parrot to think of itself as the "alpha" of the flock and thus, will encourage aggressive or dominant behavior towards the subservient human(s).
The reality is that parrots don't operate within a hierarchal system. Any observation of a "pecking order" among flock members is more than likely individual personality differences clashing or resource-guarding behavior.
Myth #2: All parrots need 12 hours of uninterrupted sleep in total darkness.
This is the myth I see peddled everywhere, and while there are some species less likely to be affected by these nocturnal habits, it can be detrimental to the welfare of others: a study showed that sleeping for more than 8 hours in 24 hours increased the likelihood that African Greys would feather pluck. Keep in mind that artificially decreasing daylight time by increasing the number of hours a parrot sleeps to ward off hormones won’t always work — in old-world parrots (cockatoos, greys) SHORTER daylight corresponds more with the breeding cycle and hormone triggers. The crux of the argument against this widely circulated fallacy is that, at best, parrots don't need 12 hours of sleep in complete darkness and at worst, it posits a significant risk factor for FDB (feather-damaging behavior). Yes, there is a 12/12 day-night cycle in the tropics, but that does not mean that parrots sleep for 12 hours straight and certainly not in what we presume must be deathly still darkness, for the wilderness is neither pitch-black nor soundless at night. Crucial to proper parrot psychosocial functioning is the ability to ROOST before sleeping; this is when birds start to settle down, hang out with and preen one another, an activity which confers numerous benefits to their overall health such as… I want to take a slight detour to discuss the popularity of "sleeper cages" and how replicating parrot breeding conditions in this manner (the only time a wild bird is isolated in darkness is when caring for its young in a nesting hollow) can promote a litany of unwanted hormonal behaviors. Not all birds will be affected by this of course, but it's something to be aware of. Your best bulwark against avoiding problem behaviors associated with avian sleep hygiene is to set up a stand in your bedroom or wherever you sleep and have your bird go to sleep at the same time you do. I understand that this arrangement isn’t feasible for everyone, so do what works best for you and your bird!
Myth #3: Cockatoos are unique among parrots for their “cuddliness.”
This statement is only partially true and for all the wrong reasons. In the wild, cockatoos take UP TO A YEAR OR LONGER to wean. Cockatoo parents are highly involved in the rearing of their offspring, providing feedings and physical comfort even after the young has fledged. Contrast this with the Amazon parrot's relatively neglectful parenting practices, and you'll see why many neotropical parrot species adapt better to captivity than their old-world brethren. Many new-world species can afford to encourage early independence in their young given the (relative) abundance of resources in the regions from which they originate compared to the arid, often harsh geographical range of some of the old-world parrot species like cockatoos. It stands to reason, intuitively, that it would be evolutionarily advantageous for young to enlist the support of their parents for longer to help them navigate their environment's unique challenges. Most breeders won't keep the babies for up to a year to ensure they are appropriately ABUNDANCE-WEANED and ready for their new homes. Consequently, most, if not all, captive-bred cockatoos end up neurotic and demanding due to being deprived of adequate physical and emotional nurturance in the formative period of their development. The psychologically stunted bird’s hunger for nurturance is then reinforced, often by well-intentioned caretakers, through petting and affection which further conditions the cockatoo's excessive reliance on us to meet his or her emotional needs. Though the damage has sadly been done by this point, the best we can do is incentivize parallel and independent play/foraging to create as well-adjusted a bird as we can given the limited resources at our disposal. This is why it is important to be judicious when selecting a breeder, but ideally, adopt cockatoos from your local sanctuaries.
I'm sure most of us know to avoid stroking anywhere but your bird's head to avoid sexually frustrating them, but the truth is that PROXIMITY alone is sufficient to establish a pair bond. In the wild, only mates spend much of their time near one another while maintaining a large personal space bubble with all other members of the flock (conures, a naturally "cuddly" species, are the exception to these observations). It's best to limit close contact and use the "capture" training method to reward desirable, autonomous behavior — more on that later.
Myth #4: Biting is par for the course of bird ownership.
While it is true that as a bird owner you will, if you haven't already, get bitten at least once, if not occasionally, to suggest sustaining bites with any regularity is normal takes away the onus of responsibility we have towards evaluating our contribution to receiving that bite — at least for people new to parrot keeping. Birds in the wild rarely bite, and frequent biting indicates the bird's body language cues have been ignored or overlooked. Once that first real bite happens, it increases the likelihood of biting as that bird's preferred means of communication for all foreseeable interactions. Of course, we all have days where we're not tuned in to our birds' emotional states, and that’s okay, but outside of certain factors (i.e. rescue or adopted parrots with a history of abuse, neglect, improper weaning, or insecurity due to clipped wings) biting should not be a major issue — even during the hormonal season. A survey (referenced below) had roughly half of the participants report no observable differences in behavior (aside from attempts to mate and associated acts) from their birds during their respective species’ breeding season. The surge of hormones merely AMPLIFIES existing problems the bird is having that either go undetected or happen sparingly enough outside of the breeding period.
Now that we’ve tackled some of the most common myths perpetuated in the parrot lovers community, I’d like to delve into some species-specific information for those curious.
Let's start with individual species' touch receptivity. Conures are the most hands-on and are recommended for anyone looking for a more handleable parrot. They have a reputation for being nippy but their affections are worth the impishness imo <3
Australian grass parrots, Eclectus, and Asiatic parrots are (generally) hands-off species. Their wild conspecifics do NOT allopreen, so ALL touch is considered sexual to these birds. I'm sure many people here have heard that Asiatic parrots go through a "bluffing phase." This is not true. What we anthropomorphize as the bird's "teenage rebellion" is, in reality, the maturing parrot's efforts to assert their touch aversion. What parrots are willing to tolerate or enjoy as babies they might eschew entirely as adults depending on the species. I'm not saying there are no cuddly Asiatic parrots, and some will be more tolerant than others, but for the most part, they won't accept scritches as eagerly as a conure might.
Other species like Amazons, macaws, caiques, etc. fall somewhere along the middle of the continuum when it comes to touch tolerance. I believe cockatiels are affectionate, but I'm not sure. Someone who has one will have to chime in!
And here's some supplemental species-specific material:
Caiques "hand-surf" because in the wild they bathe themselves by rubbing against wet leaves.
Male Asiatic, Vasa, as well as Eclectus parrots, exhibit reverse sexual dimorphism in the sense that the males are generally calmer and sweeter than the females.
Asiatic parrots, while less likely to bite you compared to other species (provided you respect their unwillingness to be touched), are big chewers and require a lot of wood relative to their small size.
Golden conures are reputed to be the least nippy conure though should have a companion to mitigate their higher risk for FDB.
Eclectus parrots are considered more inscrutable than other species because they communicate subtly via plumage fluorescence (they can alter how much light is reflected off their feathers to convey their emotions or intentions). The male Eclectus, like the golden conure, is prone to FDB though for different reasons. In the wild, they spend EXTENSIVE time foraging and handling food items — conditions that many people find difficult to emulate in a captive setting.
Black cockatoos, compared to white or pink 'toos, occupy more niche areas in their natural habitat and have evolved to be more frugal with their food (less likely to fling or waste food compared to other parrots).
(If you want to know more about your specific species of parrot, the Avian Avenue forum is worth perusing. They also have a detailed listing of potential household dangers for parrots)!

First, let me say that this is already done, so there’s no changing anything at this point, but I feel a bit guilty about my part in this.
I live in an apartment building, like many do. I’m a feminine-presenting woman, and basically present straight but I’m a lesbian. I’ve lived in my building complex for a number of years now. Before I lived here, I lived with an ex partner who owned her place and was much bigger (taller and in weight) than me, and was quite abusive, threatening, and an alcoholic in denial. The history isn’t fully pertinent here but it does gives some background.
About a year ago, I was in my parking lot and got talking to the maintenance man and a woman I’d never seen before. She found out I was in the apartment next to the one she owned, and she very strongly said “do NOT get to know my son.” Uhhh okay. That warning came out of nowhere honestly. Now, I’d already met her son in passing, but in all the time he lived next door, which was about a year and a half, maybe two years I think, we had one extremely brief exchange ever. However, her son was “tall, dark, built, and handsome.” So, I’m sure she assumed I was straight and possibly interested. Fair point, I get that assumption a lot. I didn’t correct her.
Her son kept to himself, never spoke to anyone, and never bothered me. No idea what he ever did with his time, but I never tried to find out either. He did have his door ajar constantly and a wire that plugged into the outlet directly outside his door, which at first was a bit uncomfortable, only because the door was open all the time, but didn’t bother me otherwise. It wasn’t my electricity, you know?
Fast forward to a few months ago when I came home and saw a handwritten sign posted on his door talking about how technology allowed people to listen to and abuse his brain, and mentioned a bunch of names, including some personal relationships (his, not mine) and some local politicians names. (Note: I’m trying not to go into great detail to keep this as vague as possible).
Now this is the start of where I may be TA. I took a pic of the letter, because this was definitely out of the ordinary and I sent a photo of it to my landlord, who suggested I send it to the building manager (which I did), as well as I sent it to a friend who has dealt with stalkers for some advice…and I went to the police. Building manager basically said we know, nothing we can do. Cool. Friend said he’s not threatening you, it’s not a crime. Fully agree.
I decided to stop by the police - NOT to in any way get him in trouble, but given my past experience with my ex who made me feel incredibly unsafe in my living space, I wanted to just get the lay of the land of what they thought, what could or should be done if things escalated in any way. The police suggested what I thought they would - call the non-emergency line and ask for wellness check, but otherwise, no crime has been committed, nothing to be done. Okay, I felt better understanding what I could/should do IF there were any other issues. I never did call the non-emergency line btw. Again, I never wanted to get him in trouble, just saw that there were concerning issues.
Fast forward to about two months ago and I come home to find an eviction letter typed up from the building on his door. Amongst the things they cited was that he was stealing electricity - and that he made his neighbors uncomfortable living near him.
OH. NOOOOOO…..
Ugh the waves of guilt and crappiness I felt upon seeing that. Like most, I struggle with my own mental health issues, and other than exes, have had lots of friends struggle with mental health issues, including one friend who unalived herself two years ago. Was I semi-concerned for my own safety? Well yeah, history can make you skittish even when you don’t mean to be. But ultimately? I recognized this guy was likely having medical issues and needed people to know and help him. Did I go about this in the right way? Pretty sure I did not.
So yeah, an email came through a month or so ago from management to the tenants that his mom legally evicted him from her apartment. And while I know these issues were happening long before me (given her comments to me), and ultimately weren’t my fault, I feel awful about my part in possibly making a mentally ill man unhoused (note: I have no further information about his situation since he was evicted).
Basically I feel like a giant AH, and I know on some level, I definitely was. As I said, the courts have already decided and he’s gone, so there’s nothing I can do now anyway. I just feel crappy, and I’m sure some of you will confirm I deserve to feel crappy. I’ll take that. Anyway, to wrap this up, the mental health care system sucks and I hate that this guy needed help and I may have had a hand in making things harder for him.
Okay have at me.

Before I get into this long rant, let me say that I loved the show, met amazing people, and have generally enjoyed Red Rocks for other shows I have attended (though their accessibility leaves a lot to be desired). This show, however, was a total clusterfuck in how it was handled. I saw ST when they played Mission last year and got there an hour before doors and the line was super long. From my experience at that show, knowing how the fan base is, and knowing that this was sort of a “special show” I decided to get there about 3 hours before doors yesterday. Parking attendant was rude when I didn’t turn when they wanted despite me hesitating because there was a car behind her she didn’t see heading toward me. Fine, whatever. Ended up parking in upper north because I have severe asthma and it’s typically less stairs to go in at the top. Was camping out and had so much fun with fans. Seemed like we were in the first 300 or so at that entrance. Closer to 5:30 maybe we see a worker walking down. Think nothing of it. She then comes back with a whole bunch of people from the back of the line and practically whispers come this way for a shorter line and directs them to some different line that is apparently shorter. No notice. We all have chairs and food and a bunch of stuff we can’t just pick up and get up. Plus she had a huge line of people following her from the back that made it hard to jump in. That was annoying but figured maybe they are sending them somewhere else and it will be fine. Nope. They got the main north entrance up top. Our line ends up getting directed to a little side entrance instead of the main entrance at the top. The security was a joke. Only two people checking the line. They didn’t even look in my bag and just asked if I had anything in there. I had a huge blanket on top. I could have had anything under there. Ended up getting dumped at the bottom of the stairs so had to climb up even more with my asthma and at this point I was tasting blood. Because we got directed to such a small entrance where they took a while getting people in instead of the several people checking at the main entrances, the show was half full already (later saw pictures from people on twitter who were ahead of us by like 150 or so at like one of the first few rows after the ticketed seats). They should have directed the front of the line forward and had people move up. I know that fan lines aren’t honored but this wasn’t like a, I gave myself a number and came back at 6pm situation. Would have saved that worker from having to walk to what I assume was all the way to lower north too. So thus far we have getting fucked in line order, getting fucked at the entrance, and absolutely terrible security. Again, I’m just trying to enjoy my night so still trying to shake it off. Nope, the venue clusterfuck saga continues. Try to get in a merch line and there is attendant there who is turning everyone away in a very rude manner saying it’s too full. You need to climb all the way to the top to get in the back of the other lines. Greatttt. Get our spots, get in the other merch line. The merch line took about an hour or so and I missed all of ESB but it was worth it and the merch people were super nice. Come back and see how OVERSOLD it is. The whole time I was in merch line I could see the upper south entrance and it was completely slammed the whole time. When I was trying to get back there were people everywhere because there were no seats left. I decide to get a drink and while I’m waiting I see probably a 64 year old worker literally grabbing people forcibly by their arms and pulling them in the direction she wants. She yelled at me asking if I was in line and I awkwardly laughed that I hoped so. She was not amused and went back to grabbing people roughly by their arms and yelling at everyone. I get back and enjoy the show but you couldn’t help but notice just people standing everywhere because they oversold by so much. These tickets were like $190 base with fees and people traveled from everywhere so I can only imagine how frustrated they felt. I saw posts after of people saying how they couldn’t see through the trees and attendants kept telling people where they couldn’t be but not where they could. I have worked crowd control before and I understand it is hard, but the venue really fucked this one up. Overall the fans themselves were great and the vibes were amazing, but Red Rocks needs to get it together. Staff grabbing and yelling at guests and not properly checking bags is so absolutely not okay.