Reddit (repost with additional details in spots, trying this sub too)
WS(Wayward spouse - the person leaving or cheating)
AP(Affair Partner)
Just really looking for outside perspective and trying all the relevant subs.
I’m really unsure how to move forward.
My WS, B(f41) and I(m36) are currently taking it day by day. Know each other for 14 years, together and dating for 9, 8 years married. 12 years since we had our first kid.
Some back story, obviously there were issues in the marriage. Some I thought I was working on or making progress on. Others I was stagnant on.
We had 1 separation prior to this. It was the culmination of trying to have an open marriage and B falling for her partner, and me being me.
We got back together about a year and a half later, and have been together since(2021).
I thought we were moving forward until an ex gf of hers came back into her life. The ex turns into the AP.
So now I’m 2024 I think we’re doing okay. Rocky in some areas but okay. I was wrong. AP texted B in early Feb saying AP’s sister had died, someone who B had once been close too. AP and B would go out and I would be irritated or annoyed because AP also has a partner. I didn’t understand why APs partner couldn’t support her, why it needed to be my wife, when she’s(AP) an ex. It just made me uncomfortable and I let that boil over and accused her of stuff. She says nothing happened before 3/24 but I’ve found things that contradict that. That she may have actually cheated before they slept together after she asked to leave.
Long story short, APs sister had died but they were also talking about getting back together and how horrible and controlling I am etc. while also being physical. Kissing. Staying out late. Sexting. With AP and trying to tell me nothing was going on.
Now I won’t deny and say I haven’t been a shitty husband. I have been. Even currently up to Feb, I was slacking. I was okay pretending I was making an effort. Doing 1 small step to her 10.
Likewise I was dismissive over the years and never really “heard her” until this whole situation happened.
So they start hanging out more and more and suddenly she wants a divorce and wants to go out with AP every other day. Planning a life. Looking at apartments. Etc.
There’s a few things wrong with this: AP has openly stated she doesn’t like kids. We have 3. AP has openly stated she doesn’t like most pets. We have several. AP is a drug addict. Her drug of choice are narcotics, Vicodin and Oxy. She says it’s for her chronic pain on which, her prescription of Tramadol does nothing. So she “supplements” by buying illegally (supposedly only from family friend).
Anyways, 3/29 I found a photo of the drug use(a text from AP to B that was a tin of pills. There were 8/9 Vicodin and 3 Oxycodone), sent to B, saying she has one to give her too. B is a recovering addict. 13 years clean. Almost accepted. Said “You’re so good to me.”
B and AP try to play off the drug use as pain and pain management clinics not being helpful. Which I can’t speak to. I don’t have chronic pain. So I spoke with Law Enforcement, showed them what I was worried about and asked about an Order for Protection/Investigation. I did this before confronting her or before asking her about it. I wanted to be sure that if things went sideways I had a plan in place to protect myself. So I couldn’t be blamed for the drug use. Etc.
Confront her. Ask her. She flies off the handle and turns it around on me. Saying that it’s my fault and that I went through her iPad. (She changed her passcode well before this so I don’t have it. She left it unlocked and it was one of the first messages I saw that evening.) and that I should’ve come to her first.
Fast forward and we’re planning the divorce (income split, kind of an idea what we need to do moving forward, etc) and I’m saying that because of what I found, I’m not willing to let AP be around the kids until she can pass a UA and is sober for at least a year. I’d like that in the divorce decree. At this point we had been working together and I hadn’t moved on the OFP. I had been transparent.
Which leads us to the issue. She wasn’t. She was telling AP basically that we’d be divorced and she’d be good. Once I told B, that this was going to happen, either through the courts or through us agreeing on something, but it wasn’t something I was going to move on.
She said I was threatening her and forcing her to do what I say. I said only in this regard. Move. Leave. Here’s a list of items you’ll have to pay for, Etc. but I’m trying to keep my kids safe, and that means not being around someone currently abusing narcotics.
Then she says I shouldn’t worry about the kids because she’s their mom and she’ll take care of them. And that I’m an asshole for even suggesting she would jeopardize them.
She called the cops. Told them I was controlling and threatening and intimidating. They came. I showed them everything I had, told them my concerns, expressed what I said to her. They said it seemed like I was doing everything right. Tho they advised I file the OFP and turn over names and dates etc.
They told B, at the end, that because of her job and the kids that she “needed to stop fucking around with this shit.”
Well I guess that may have struck something in her because she said she’s done with AP. Tho she has still been talking to AP, AP found out what happened and has been going pretty low contact. Often leaving B on read. I know this because B has shown me their messages because she wants me to know I can trust her. Including through today.
She admitted the night the cops came that she had actively been lying to me. That she had orchestrated a text message convo to look like I was going to be getting what I wanted (something previously both she and AP had been against, a drug test).
So she admitted to lying about that. To deleting shit. To gas lighting me. This isn’t something she’s ever done before. Admitted to lying to me. Even when she’s been caught mid-lie. It’s always been dismissed or played off. This is the first time she’s actually been honest with me. And since then she and AP have had low contact.
She’s told me she doesn’t know now if we’re separated or going to divorce. That she wants to take it day by day. She says that if in the coming months, the changes I’m making to myself stick, and things get better, that she may stay. I’m unsure how to feel about this. We have 3 kids. I love her more than anything. But? I don’t think she would be so cold that she’d use me until she and her AP could be together.
On that note. She and AP are talking still, but everything has been platonic. She’s shown me her messages and I know she hasn’t deleted anything. We even spoke today and she admitted that sometimes she slips up and says “I love you” or whatever. But that’s because of how quickly she let her walls down. Let AP back into her life. That hurts. You know. Because I feel even now taking it day by day, I’m not being chosen. I’m an option. Yet the fact she’s still here, being engaged, etc. It can’t be an act right? I mean it could but I don’t imagine she would with how serious I am about the kids and having things documented.
I’m in therapy now. I’m on new meds for my anxiety. I’m seeing another Dr. to hopefully get a diagnosis of ASD or something so I can learn to interact more appropriately with her and my peers. I’m listening to her. Actively. Keeping in mind that words are not always words and I should look at the context and possible emotional context in the words. That’s been difficult but I’m learning that sometimes when she says that she’s broken, it’s because she wants a hug or physical comfort. I shouldn’t need to ask if she wants one or what I can do to comfort her. I am trying to listen more and act versus asking questions and then acting on the answers.
She felt she was always needing to tell me what to do or say. it’s been a sticking point in our marriage at times. Even though I am truly unsure at times what the appropriate course of action is. Hence being in therapy now.
We’ve slept together 3 times this month. Which is crazy because before it was once every few months. If at all. I think that’s a good sign?
I’m trying to help more around the house. Did a deep clean and threw a bunch of shit away. I’m committed to this change. To being better for her but also for me.
But I also don’t know if she’s doing this just to appease me. She’s said thank you. She’s slept with me. She’s more talkative and engaged with me. More fun like we used to have. But on the flip side she had no where else to go. No backup plan. She just started working FT but she doesn’t think she’ll be able to afford anything on her own.
I’m not sure where I stand. Or if I should take it day by day. I know I say I want to be with her and I think, I know that’s true. Even if I don’t want to admit I may lose her, act like I’m okay taking it day by day, the thought of her not being in my life as my partner, is terrifying and sad. So I know, if she asks to reconcile, I will. Because I love her. Because I know that while I’m not responsible for her cheating or lying etc, I’m responsible for the way I behaved and acted.
Idk if we can’t survive this. I love her more than anything. Even now I love her. I don’t want to lose her. Still I don’t think I should have to be a choice. I understand how it came about, and I understand she was or maybe is even now, ready to walk, and I’m just being delusional.
Yet she’s trying. Or appears to be. (This is what’s so hard for me).
I guess on paper it looks like we should divorce. My mother says so. My therapist says I should consider it.
Yet it seems like there may be something here worth trying for. The things I’m doing around the home and for the kids seem to make her happier. To see I’m trying to be consistent. She says it’s helped taken the pressure off her. That in our talks she’s happy I finally acknowledged things. Apologized for things. Actually listened and agreed with her. She’s appreciated that.
My therapist says whatever I do I should do for me. My counter was a lot of the stuff we’re doing now (splitting income by % earned, me actively cleaning every night with her, laundry, etc) is not something I’ve done or we’ve done before. Nor have I made any moves on therapy until recently, or to control my MH more.
So if I/we try this and still fail? Sure. It’s doomed, but at least I can say I took all the steps I, me, the Betrayed, to fix myself for myself but also for my marriage and my family. But this seems like it’ll have a shot. Like it could work. If you’ve made it this far thank you. ANY advice would be welcome.
It’s a fluffin’ mess. I know that. But any advice. Thanks.
~Ish

Reddit (repost with additional details in spots, trying this sub too)
I’m really unsure how to move forward.
My WS, B(f41) and I(m36) are currently taking it day by day. Know each other for 14 years, together and dating for 9, 8 years married. 12 years since we had our first kid.
Some back story, obviously there were issues in the marriage. Some I thought I was working on or making progress on. Others I was stagnant on.
We had 1 separation prior to this. It was the culmination of trying to have an open marriage and B falling for her partner, and me being me.
We got back together about a year and a half later, and have been together since(2021).
I thought we were moving forward until an ex gf of hers came back into her life. The ex turns into the AP.
So now I’m 2024 I think we’re doing okay. Rocky in some areas but okay. I was wrong. AP texted B in early Feb saying AP’s sister had died, someone who B had once been close too. AP and B would go out and I would be irritated or annoyed because AP also has a partner. I didn’t understand why APs partner couldn’t support her, why it needed to be my wife, when she’s(AP) an ex. It just made me uncomfortable and I let that boil over and accused her of stuff. She says nothing happened before 3/24 but I’ve found things that contradict that. That she may have actually cheated before they slept together after she asked to leave.
Long story short, APs sister had died but they were also talking about getting back together and how horrible and controlling I am etc. while also being physical. Kissing. Staying out late. Sexting. With AP and trying to tell me nothing was going on.
Now I won’t deny and say I haven’t been a shitty husband. I have been. Even currently up to Feb, I was slacking. I was okay pretending I was making an effort. Doing 1 small step to her 10.
Likewise I was dismissive over the years and never really “heard her” until this whole situation happened.
So they start hanging out more and more and suddenly she wants a divorce and wants to go out with AP every other day. Planning a life. Looking at apartments. Etc.
There’s a few things wrong with this: AP has openly stated she doesn’t like kids. We have 3. AP has openly stated she doesn’t like most pets. We have several. AP is a drug addict. Her drug of choice are narcotics, Vicodin and Oxy. She says it’s for her chronic pain on which, her prescription of Tramadol does nothing. So she “supplements” by buying illegally (supposedly only from family friend).
Anyways, 3/29 I found a photo of the drug use(a text from AP to B that was a tin of pills. There were 8/9 Vicodin and 3 Oxycodone), sent to B, saying she has one to give her too. B is a recovering addict. 13 years clean. Almost accepted. Said “You’re so good to me.”
B and AP try to play off the drug use as pain and pain management clinics not being helpful. Which I can’t speak to. I don’t have chronic pain. So I spoke with Law Enforcement, showed them what I was worried about and asked about an Order for Protection/Investigation. I did this before confronting her or before asking her about it. I wanted to be sure that if things went sideways I had a plan in place to protect myself. So I couldn’t be blamed for the drug use. Etc.
Confront her. Ask her. She flies off the handle and turns it around on me. Saying that it’s my fault and that I went through her iPad. (She changed her passcode well before this so I don’t have it. She left it unlocked and it was one of the first messages I saw that evening.) and that I should’ve come to her first.
Fast forward and we’re planning the divorce (income split, kind of an idea what we need to do moving forward, etc) and I’m saying that because of what I found, I’m not willing to let AP be around the kids until she can pass a UA and is sober for at least a year. I’d like that in the divorce decree. At this point we had been working together and I hadn’t moved on the OFP. I had been transparent.
Which leads us to the issue. She wasn’t. She was telling AP basically that we’d be divorced and she’d be good. Once I told B, that this was going to happen, either through the courts or through us agreeing on something, but it wasn’t something I was going to move on.
She said I was threatening her and forcing her to do what I say. I said only in this regard. Move. Leave. Here’s a list of items you’ll have to pay for, Etc. but I’m trying to keep my kids safe, and that means not being around someone currently abusing narcotics.
Then she says I shouldn’t worry about the kids because she’s their mom and she’ll take care of them. And that I’m an asshole for even suggesting she would jeopardize them.
She called the cops. Told them I was controlling and threatening and intimidating. They came. I showed them everything I had, told them my concerns, expressed what I said to her. They said it seemed like I was doing everything right. Tho they advised I file the OFP and turn over names and dates etc.
They told B, at the end, that because of her job and the kids that she “needed to stop fucking around with this shit.”
Well I guess that may have struck something in her because she said she’s done with AP. Tho she has still been talking to AP, AP found out what happened and has been going pretty low contact. Often leaving B on read. I know this because B has shown me their messages because she wants me to know I can trust her. Including through today.
She admitted the night the cops came that she had actively been lying to me. That she had orchestrated a text message convo to look like I was going to be getting what I wanted (something previously both she and AP had been against, a drug test).
So she admitted to lying about that. To deleting shit. To gas lighting me. This isn’t something she’s ever done before. Admitted to lying to me. Even when she’s been caught mid-lie. It’s always been dismissed or played off. This is the first time she’s actually been honest with me. And since then she and AP have had low contact.
She’s told me she doesn’t know now if we’re separated or going to divorce. That she wants to take it day by day. She says that if in the coming months, the changes I’m making to myself stick, and things get better, that she may stay. I’m unsure how to feel about this. We have 3 kids. I love her more than anything. But? I don’t think she would be so cold that she’d use me until she and her AP could be together.
On that note. She and AP are talking still, but everything has been platonic. She’s shown me her messages and I know she hasn’t deleted anything. We even spoke today and she admitted that sometimes she slips up and says “I love you” or whatever. But that’s because of how quickly she let her walls down. Let AP back into her life. That hurts. You know. Because I feel even now taking it day by day, I’m not being chosen. I’m an option. Yet the fact she’s still here, being engaged, etc. It can’t be an act right? I mean it could but I don’t imagine she would with how serious I am about the kids and having things documented.
I’m in therapy now. I’m on new meds for my anxiety. I’m seeing another Dr. to hopefully get a diagnosis of ASD or something so I can learn to interact more appropriately with her and my peers. I’m listening to her. Actively. Keeping in mind that words are not always words and I should look at the context and possible emotional context in the words. That’s been difficult but I’m learning that sometimes when she says that she’s broken, it’s because she wants a hug or physical comfort. I shouldn’t need to ask if she wants one or what I can do to comfort her. I am trying to listen more and act versus asking questions and then acting on the answers.
She felt she was always needing to tell me what to do or say. it’s been a sticking point in our marriage at times. Even though I am truly unsure at times what the appropriate course of action is. Hence being in therapy now.
We’ve slept together 3 times this month. Which is crazy because before it was once every few months. If at all. I think that’s a good sign?
I’m trying to help more around the house. Did a deep clean and threw a bunch of shit away. I’m committed to this change. To being better for her but also for me.
But I also don’t know if she’s doing this just to appease me. She’s said thank you. She’s slept with me. She’s more talkative and engaged with me. More fun like we used to have. But on the flip side she had no where else to go. No backup plan. She just started working FT but she doesn’t think she’ll be able to afford anything on her own.
I’m not sure where I stand. Or if I should take it day by day. I know I say I want to be with her and I think, I know that’s true. Even if I don’t want to admit I may lose her, act like I’m okay taking it day by day, the thought of her not being in my life as my partner, is terrifying and sad. So I know, if she asks to reconcile, I will. Because I love her. Because I know that while I’m not responsible for her cheating or lying etc, I’m responsible for the way I behaved and acted.
Idk if we can’t survive this. I love her more than anything. Even now I love her. I don’t want to lose her. Still I don’t think I should have to be a choice. I understand how it came about, and I understand she was or maybe is even now, ready to walk, and I’m just being delusional.
Yet she’s trying. Or appears to be. (This is what’s so hard for me).
I guess on paper it looks like we should divorce. My mother says so. My therapist says I should consider it.
Yet it seems like there may be something here worth trying for. The things I’m doing around the home and for the kids seem to make her happier. To see I’m trying to be consistent. She says it’s helped taken the pressure off her. That in our talks she’s happy I finally acknowledged things. Apologized for things. Actually listened and agreed with her. She’s appreciated that.
My therapist says whatever I do I should do for me. My counter was a lot of the stuff we’re doing now (splitting income by % earned, me actively cleaning every night with her, laundry, etc) is not something I’ve done or we’ve done before. Nor have I made any moves on therapy until recently, or to control my MH more.
So if I/we try this and still fail? Sure. It’s doomed, but at least I can say I took all the steps I, me, the Betrayed, to fix myself for myself but also for my marriage and my family. But this seems like it’ll have a shot. Like it could work. If you’ve made it this far thank you. ANY advice would be welcome.
It’s a fluffin’ mess. I know that. But any advice. Thanks.
~Ish

Reddit (repost with additional details in spots)
I’m really unsure how to move forward.
My WS, B(f41) and I(m36) are currently taking it day by day. Know each other for 14 years, together and dating for 9, 8 years married. 12 years since we had our first kid.
Some back story, obviously there were issues in the marriage. Some I thought I was working on or making progress on. Others I was stagnant on.
We had 1 separation prior to this. It was the culmination of trying to have an open marriage and B falling for her partner, and me being me.
We got back together about a year and a half later, and have been together since(2021).
I thought we were moving forward until an ex gf of hers came back into her life. The ex turns into the AP.
So now I’m 2024 I think we’re doing okay. Rocky in some areas but okay. I was wrong. AP texted B in early Feb saying AP’s sister had died, someone who B had once been close too. AP and B would go out and I would be irritated or annoyed because AP also has a partner. I didn’t understand why APs partner couldn’t support her, why it needed to be my wife, when she’s(AP) an ex. It just made me uncomfortable and I let that boil over and accused her of stuff. She says nothing happened before 3/24 but I’ve found things that contradict that. That she may have actually cheated before they slept together after she asked to leave.
Long story short, APs sister had died but they were also talking about getting back together and how horrible and controlling I am etc. while also being physical. Kissing. Staying out late. Sexting. With AP and trying to tell me nothing was going on.
Now I won’t deny and say I haven’t been a shitty husband. I have been. Even currently up to Feb, I was slacking. I was okay pretending I was making an effort. Doing 1 small step to her 10.
Likewise I was dismissive over the years and never really “heard her” until this whole situation happened.
So they start hanging out more and more and suddenly she wants a divorce and wants to go out with AP every other day. Planning a life. Looking at apartments. Etc.
There’s a few things wrong with this: AP has openly stated she doesn’t like kids. We have 3. AP has openly stated she doesn’t like most pets. We have several. AP is a drug addict. Her drug of choice are narcotics, Vicodin and Oxy. She says it’s for her chronic pain on which, her prescription of Tramadol does nothing. So she “supplements” by buying illegally (supposedly only from family friend).
Anyways, 3/29 I found a photo of the drug use(a text from AP to B that was a tin of pills. There were 8/9 Vicodin and 3 Oxycodone), sent to B, saying she has one to give her too. B is a recovering addict. 13 years clean. Almost accepted. Said “You’re so good to me.”
B and AP try to play off the drug use as pain and pain management clinics not being helpful. Which I can’t speak to. I don’t have chronic pain. So I spoke with Law Enforcement, showed them what I was worried about and asked about an Order for Protection/Investigation. I did this before confronting her or before asking her about it. I wanted to be sure that if things went sideways I had a plan in place to protect myself. So I couldn’t be blamed for the drug use. Etc.
Confront her. Ask her. She flies off the handle and turns it around on me. Saying that it’s my fault and that I went through her iPad. (She changed her passcode well before this so I don’t have it. She left it unlocked and it was one of the first messages I saw that evening.) and that I should’ve come to her first.
Fast forward and we’re planning the divorce (income split, kind of an idea what we need to do moving forward, etc) and I’m saying that because of what I found, I’m not willing to let AP be around the kids until she can pass a UA and is sober for at least a year. I’d like that in the divorce decree. At this point we had been working together and I hadn’t moved on the OFP. I had been transparent.
Which leads us to the issue. She wasn’t. She was telling AP basically that we’d be divorced and she’d be good. Once I told B, that this was going to happen, either through the courts or through us agreeing on something, but it wasn’t something I was going to move on.
She said I was threatening her and forcing her to do what I say. I said only in this regard. Move. Leave. Here’s a list of items you’ll have to pay for, Etc. but I’m trying to keep my kids safe, and that means not being around someone currently abusing narcotics.
Then she says I shouldn’t worry about the kids because she’s their mom and she’ll take care of them. And that I’m an asshole for even suggesting she would jeopardize them.
She called the cops. Told them I was controlling and threatening and intimidating. They came. I showed them everything I had, told them my concerns, expressed what I said to her. They said it seemed like I was doing everything right. Tho they advised I file the OFP and turn over names and dates etc.
They told B, at the end, that because of her job and the kids that she “needed to stop fucking around with this shit.”
Well I guess that may have struck something in her because she said she’s done with AP. Tho she has still been talking to AP, AP found out what happened and has been going pretty low contact. Often leaving B on read. I know this because B has shown me their messages because she wants me to know I can trust her. Including through today.
She admitted the night the cops came that she had actively been lying to me. That she had orchestrated a text message convo to look like I was going to be getting what I wanted (something previously both she and AP had been against, a drug test).
So she admitted to lying about that. To deleting shit. To gas lighting me. This isn’t something she’s ever done before. Admitted to lying to me. Even when she’s been caught mid-lie. It’s always been dismissed or played off. This is the first time she’s actually been honest with me. And since then she and AP have had low contact.
She’s told me she doesn’t know now if we’re separated or going to divorce. That she wants to take it day by day. She says that if in the coming months, the changes I’m making to myself stick, and things get better, that she may stay. I’m unsure how to feel about this. We have 3 kids. I love her more than anything. But? I don’t think she would be so cold that she’d use me until she and her AP could be together.
On that note. She and AP are talking still, but everything has been platonic. She’s shown me her messages and I know she hasn’t deleted anything. We even spoke today and she admitted that sometimes she slips up and says “I love you” or whatever. But that’s because of how quickly she let her walls down. Let AP back into her life. That hurts. You know. Because I feel even now taking it day by day, I’m not being chosen. I’m an option. Yet the fact she’s still here, being engaged, etc. It can’t be an act right? I mean it could but I don’t imagine she would with how serious I am about the kids and having things documented.
I’m in therapy now. I’m on new meds for my anxiety. I’m seeing another Dr. to hopefully get a diagnosis of ASD or something so I can learn to interact more appropriately with her and my peers. I’m listening to her. Actively. Keeping in mind that words are not always words and I should look at the context and possible emotional context in the words. That’s been difficult but I’m learning that sometimes when she says that she’s broken, it’s because she wants a hug or physical comfort. I shouldn’t need to ask if she wants one or what I can do to comfort her. I am trying to listen more and act versus asking questions and then acting on the answers.
She felt she was always needing to tell me what to do or say. it’s been a sticking point in our marriage at times. Even though I am truly unsure at times what the appropriate course of action is. Hence being in therapy now.
We’ve slept together 3 times this month. Which is crazy because before it was once every few months. If at all. I think that’s a good sign?
I’m trying to help more around the house. Did a deep clean and threw a bunch of shit away. I’m committed to this change. To being better for her but also for me.
But I also don’t know if she’s doing this just to appease me. She’s said thank you. She’s slept with me. She’s more talkative and engaged with me. More fun like we used to have. But on the flip side she had no where else to go. No backup plan. She just started working FT but she doesn’t think she’ll be able to afford anything on her own.
I’m not sure where I stand. Or if I should take it day by day. I know I say I want to be with her and I think, I know that’s true. Even if I don’t want to admit I may lose her, act like I’m okay taking it day by day, the thought of her not being in my life as my partner, is terrifying and sad. So I know, if she asks to reconcile, I will. Because I love her. Because I know that while I’m not responsible for her cheating or lying etc, I’m responsible for the way I behaved and acted.
Idk if we can’t survive this. I love her more than anything. Even now I love her. I don’t want to lose her. Still I don’t think I should have to be a choice. I understand how it came about, and I understand she was or maybe is even now, ready to walk, and I’m just being delusional.
Yet she’s trying. Or appears to be. (This is what’s so hard for me).
I guess on paper it looks like we should divorce. My mother says so. My therapist says I should consider it.
Yet it seems like there may be something here worth trying for. The things I’m doing around the home and for the kids seem to make her happier. To see I’m trying to be consistent. She says it’s helped taken the pressure off her. That in our talks she’s happy I finally acknowledged things. Apologized for things. Actually listened and agreed with her. She’s appreciated that.
My therapist says whatever I do I should do for me. My counter was a lot of the stuff we’re doing now (splitting income by % earned, me actively cleaning every night with her, laundry, etc) is not something I’ve done or we’ve done before. Nor have I made any moves on therapy until recently, or to control my MH more.
So if I/we try this and still fail? Sure. It’s doomed, but at least I can say I took all the steps I, me, the Betrayed, to fix myself for myself but also for my marriage and my family. But this seems like it’ll have a shot. Like it could work. If you’ve made it this far thank you. ANY advice would be welcome.
It’s a fluffin’ mess. I know that. But any advice. Thanks.
~Ish

I (M22) met this girl (F22) on New Year's Eve on Bumble. I was in the middle of doing work on my final year project for college and I noticed that I got a text from this girl on the app. I didn't cop onto remembering when I liked her first or anything but my god ...she was beautiful, and we started talking and we had instant chemistry. We ended up talking all night, which turned into talking all week long ,and then she left, and at the time I was a bit apprehensive about anything because I was so busy with college but this girl just stayed in my mind the whole time she was gone ,I texted her just to see if she was OK, and I realised that I did like her. Not long after that, she came back and texted me ,gave me her snap and number which was great! We texted on SMS for a little bit before switching over to Snap which escalated things and made us bond more cuz she could send me voice notes and pictures and I could do the same.
That all happened with a month, so the next month that's where things got more serious with texting on Snap. She instantly asked me to go see a movie with her ,and I was down but a bit scared too cuz again I was kinda cautious to get into something with someone rn ,but at the same time I liked her so we tried to make something happen but at the time ,the movie was only showing in a cinema incredibly far away from us both ,and we both couldn't really make the commute so I said to wait a little bit until it came to the one in my hometown. So anyways ,we keep talking, every hour ,every day we learn more about each other ,the closer we become ,the more our feelings grow for each other. Our biggest thing that we did (and my favourite thing) was we'd stay up all night with each other and listen to music through Spotify's Jam feature, I can't explain to you how fun and good it felt to have those experiences with someone. We'd share music back and forward, until we both fell asleep to specific songs. We even began to associate specific songs to each other, I'd show her songs that reminded me of her ,and she'd do the same for me. That was the best of times..
I will admit I was still kind of apprehensive about taking this girl on a date so soon cuz of the demand college had on me ,plus trying to get back to the organisation I did an internship with, but I tried to be upfront about it ,and told her that if I could drop this all to be with her ,even for a coffee I would ,but I literally spent all day in the library cuz it was that intense, I go to college in the city and the public transport in her area is horrible so the possibility of her even coming up to the city just was a no-go. But one night, all of that fear went away.
It was very late at night, and we had gotten into our conversation about our traumas. I should note before continuing this part cuz it's vital to my post. She would regularly tell me about things and people from her past who have hurt her, or how her hometown has gone to shit, and I'd listen and I'd sympathise with her ,in my mind ,she was someone who knew her value and didn't have time for people who just were influenced by the environment around them, through drugs and toxic relationships and all that. Bear in mind, she is a huge weed smoker but tbh I didn't really care as long as she didn't try to push it on me which she didn't and we had a convo about that ,and I saw it as a way to just help her relax at night, and it's not up to me to tell someone how to decompress. But back to the night ,we had a conversation about our traumas ,it just kinda happened ,we both shared very intimate things about ourselves, she told me how people who should have taken care of her in the past used her and hurt her deeply ,which made me very upset and I cried reading through it ,cuz I still just don't understand how those things happen irl,and I told her about things from my past , the presence of suicide in my family and how I was bullied for most of my younger life ,and she sent me back a pic of her crying ,and it was almost through this ,that I had the moment I needed : I was ready, it was almost like we had established a bond ,through a shared endurance of incredible pain that neither of us deserved. This was leading into Valentines Day.
However, the next day wouldn't be as fruitful as you think. She had somewhat of a trauma response on the day because she was telling me how one of her friends had been hurt in a very horrible way before on that day by someone in their family and how it was the anniversary of him being murdered, which is a bit heavy to take in and I was kind of taken aback. So we moved on in the conversation. A few hours later after she's done her shift ,she begins to joke with me about how much she hates her boss ,that's fair he seemed like a prick. But she was actually looking up his address and joking about how she wanted to do bad things to him at his house. And I kinda told her about that not being a great idea ,but she said every girl does it. Every girl has their thing and hers is knowing the addresses of people who and could possibly hurt her (this is also someone who said that the group of guys she was friends with beat up someone she used to date before cuz he was a creep). I told her like that I was uncomfortable with the idea of her doing that with me and she had confidence in me that I wouldn't hurt her. This led to a larger discussion.
Wouldn't call it an argument, but I confronted her about it ,and told her that it was just a bit worrisome for her to do that. And she was taken aback by me saying it cuz no one ever had said that to her before ,they all just accepted it. However, I didn't wanna let my fears do the talking ,I still liked her but I wanted to tell her that this was wrong so we both explained our POVs and she justifiably said that she knows it wrong but the pain that she has gone through pushed her to that point ,which I understand, and my response to that was in relation to comments she made about me to me about how she felt about us and how I made her feel. Up until then ,she had told me that I was the blueprint of what mens behaviour should be ,and that I was respectful and kind ,and that the i treated her was all she's ever wanted ,she'd send me pics of her ,where id honestly nearly faint cuz of her beauty she was just something else. So I used that feeling of hers to explain to her that if I am so different from what she's had before ,then she can't use things from before ,I asked her to build something new with me. And she wanted to do that ,and she apologised for scaring me and told me that she didn't wanna go anywhere, she wanted this.
After this ,things were pretty OK, things intensified with me at college and she became a little busy but we still talked all day pretty much. And I finally made the plan to myself that I was gonna take her to that movie she wanted to go ,and get dinner after because I knew I was ready and I knew I wanted this, I wanted her. So I planned it and I was ask her on the Monday/Tuesday to go out. We hadn't talked much cuz she was at a friend's house having drinks ,she still sent me pics of her there getting drunk but she was quite hungover the next day so we'd talk in intervals, but It was also the first time I told her that I missed her ,which made her happy.
So Monday rolled around ,this was end of February ,and she had taken the day off work cus she wanted to chill at home and was still bad from the weekend so she chilled and I texted her and I was fairly busy but I was still good to go ahead with my plan. Fast forward to that night, and I'm finalising all the little details for the date that I'll ask her out to ,and I get a text from her. I open up and it's a screenshot. In the screenshot ,it's an article that is about someone from her past who did some horrible things and had been convicted (not saying for privacy reasons) but I know in that moment, that I can't ask her on a date if she's just after learning about something like that ,her demeanor immediately changes. I ask her if she wants some space for the night and she accepts which is totally cool ,and I understand cuz even I was fucked after reading it. The next morning, I wake up to a voice note from her ,where she just suddenly breaks down and almost retreats into a child-like state calling out for her mom and dad who are away for the night. I am home the next day ,and I consider going over to her but she has cameras in her house and I didn't think it was appropriate so I didn't offer but my priority was to try and calm her down cuz she was in a state, after a little bit of time ,I spoke to her some more and she settled down on the couch ,kept the fire lit and had some water and just watched TV ,while she texted me. She was somewhat calm now ,and I just tried to be there for moral support. Then she said she got her period (which is exasperated by a chronic illness she has). She just couldn't catch a break.
I texted her after she told me ,but an hour went by , a few hours went by ,I texted again to check in on her (she had a tendency to nap alot on her days off) , a day goes by ,two go by , a few go by nothing. By Sunday, I'm just missing her so badly. I send her another text a few days later bascially telling her that I wanna be here for she'll let me, that if she needed me ,I was here.
She opened the text I sent not long after that ,and a few days worth of texts were there and she instantly began typing ,and said something along the lines of "I won't lie ,I don't have the time or energy to read all of that ,sorry but idk there's still alot of things happening". I just said one more time that the only thing she needed to take from it was that I wanted to be there for her. And she left me on read. That crushed me. The news of the article affected her so much that it closed me out of her life. So I committed to giving her space ,until I remembered that she had exams coming up ,and now into March ,I texted her good luck for her exams one night. And the next morning I was in college and still hadn't seen her open it,and then looked again ,and saw she left that on read again. And I was kinds concerned....until I looked at her icon ,and saw that all the texts saved had gone...she removed me. Went to Tiktok she blocked me ,number blocked ,everything.
So it didn't hit me right then and there ,but all I did was remove from things on my end but I was gonna leave things untouched on like Bumble and stuff if she decided to reach out...she deleted that too. I was a wreck for about a week and was just fried from it ,I sent her a text that night telling her how I didn't want this ,and that idk why it happened. But I knew she probably wouldn't see it if she blocked me. So all I had left was the fact that I still had her on Spotify ,and no one checks their followers count on Spotify so I was just kinda like OK...we're connected through the music. ...until yesterday a month on ,where she removed me..and I thought OK that's probably the last straw until this morning. I hadn't been on Tinder in a while and I knew that she didn't have an account before we talked cuz I've never seen on it. So I go on it to just distract my brain a bit while I have some coffee ....and she's literally the first account I see.. and I can't express how gut-wrenching it is. Its just like someone who experienced as much pain as her in that time frame, a month and a bit later ,is back on a dating app ,after just leaving me in the dust after I tried to show her how much I care about her and how much I wanted to be there. Just nothing, I got nothing in the end. Idk why it happened ,thats not even important anymore but it's just like why end it without saying anything, especially after our convo about our traumas.
I guess I'm writing this to get some clearance of mind ,I know its over ,but she just made me feel so wanted and it was so real ,and out of everything that went on in my life ,she made everything and every day so much better. I don't think I deserve alot of things in life ,but I didn't deserve that. I don't know if her going on Tinder is a way to distract herself from healing or feeling since I've seen people say before that people do after breakups/leaving people to like distract themselves cuz there's no way she's processed everything. I don't wanna be told that she doesn't deserve me ,or her to be insulted cuz I don't hate her ,I just hate the things that made her into the person she is ,the trauma ,all the pain that's internalised in her ,that she isn't even consciously aware of.
This isn't a post asking how to get her back ,it's just a post of trying to get peoples perspectives on it. It was the first time ever where I largely felt like I did nothing to make someone stop liking me or like it was my fault ,like obviously I wasn't perfect and neither is she ,but she had what I wanted ,and she made me feel understood. I know I have to move on ,but just I'm kinda just desperate to get POVs and opinions on this.
Thank you for reading if you have ,it means more to me than youll ever understand..

I'm a 45 year old guy. single no kids. All names are fake.
Okey here is the short version. About 24 years ago my then fiancé Ella (then 20) told me she was pregnant. I was over the moon. We did not set a wedding date yet, but now we wanted to wait till the child was 2-3 to be part of the wedding party.
When she was about 7 months pregnant my world shattered. A "friend" (lets call him Luke) told me that the child was his and not mine. This lead to a physical fight and Ella took his side. We were done, I broke up with her there. she moved in with Luke. I did demand a paternity test, if the child was mine I demanded to be in it's life. After the birth of the girl the test was done twice. By a clinic I choose and one she choose. Turned out she was not mine. I was destroyed and left town. She could have her life, I didn't want to witness it.
And not to the present. A month ago my work brought me back to my home town temporary for two weeks. I ran into Ella with her daughter Nicky (23) at an impromptu school reunion. Ella wanted to catch up. I wasn't angry anymore, but also did not see the point of being friends. I declined and mingled. After while I sat at a table nursing a drink. Ella has already left and Nicky sat at my table. She asked for 10 minutes to talk. She knew about my history with her mother. And it was clear that she resented her mother. Because.... Luke was also not her bio dad. Ella cheated on me with at least 2 people. 23andme revealed the real bio dad, he had passed away already. When Nicky was 7 Luke found out and kicked them out. And it became the scandal. Nicky was bullied her whole live for being the affair baby. Luke's family disowned her. All the cousins she was close with, were gone all of a sudden. She blamed her mother.
I asked her why she told me all of this, She said that I am someone who would understand this betrayal. And she is a product of that betrayal. She does not expect anything from me, she just needed someone to talk to that would understand. I felt for this kid, so we kept talking. We exchanged contact info and went our own ways. Next day she wanted to talk more, to vent more. So we met in the bar of the hotel I was staying. We had drinks and she ranted about her life. We talked till late and when the bar closed Nicky was too drunk to drive home and since I didn't know where she lived I couldn't even get her an uber. So I took her to my room. I have the habit of always getting a room with twin beds. So she slept in one bed and I slept in the other. Nothing happened, Next morning we had breakfast and she left while I went to work. A few nights I met Nicky in de bar because she had a lot to rant about. We also talked about her future and she expressed interest to move out of town to escape the stigma of being the affair baby. Here is where I am the asshole. I made a move on her one night. At first she walked away. I thought I blew it so I went up to my room. An hour later she send me a text asking if I was in my room. As soon as I answer with yes she knocked on the door.
I was sober, she was sober, I had time to think, I could have send her away, but I didn't. This is the daughter of my ex-fiancé. If I had never found out Ella cheated, I would have raised Nicky as my own daughter. But I found out and Nicky is not my daughter, I never saw her as a baby, never saw her grow up, I never saw her as a daughter, the first time I saw her was a week ago. So yes I slept with her, and then again.
Nicky is more vengeful then I am. She said she wanted to let her mother know, but she wasn't going to do it if I didn't want to. I was Okey with letting her know, It took a little convincing in how we would let her know. We took a picture together, clearly in bed, clearly naked but covered by sheets, and she send it as a one time view picture to her mother via Instagram message with the caption: "I can finally call him daddy"
Ella called and they got in a fight, Then she got in a fight with me (still over the phone), I thought I was over the betrayal, but it seems like I had bottled up everything and now it finally came out.
I had 4 more days there, and Nicky stayed in my hotel room those 4 days.
Now I'm back home. Nicky is currently packing everything, she going to move to another country to be away from her toxic environment. She will stay with me for a week maybe more before she flies away. She has going no contact with her mother. I have also blocked Ella on everything.
Yes, Nicky and I are both broken. I refused therapy for years, but after that one outburst where I told Ella everything that was bottled up, I've decided that I do need therapy. I have suggested it to Nicky, she said when she is settled she will.
I'm not even going to ask if I'm the asshole, I know I am.

Hello, me (18F) and my bf 18(M) have been dating for around four months when we were in our late 17s. During this time when I was single, I found him in a bad place emotionally (ie: venting about his problems to random strangers). I picked him up as a friend at first because I was concerned and wanted to offer some comfort since it seemed like he didn't have a good support system, but eventually he pressured me into giving him my personal info. One thing led to another and we're dating. It's not something I expected, but I really like him.
The only thing that really bothered me was the circumstances in which I "found" him and the seemingly insatiable emotional dependance on me. I am concerned that I may be in a parasitic relationship because I find myself taking up my time, money and emotional energy to deal with his problems. Now I don't mind it when people have problems, but it becomes an issue when he seems to have problems every single day. Like for example, he fell and scraped himself (wasn't hurt in any other way) and got a bit curt and short with me when I didn't immediately try to console him or reassure him. Also, he asks me for financial favours (ex: paying off a debt to a friend) and while I do have money to spare, it makes me a bit... resentful(?) that I can be considered a wallet with legs. Furthermore, during our first week of dating he already confessed his undying love to me and even started planning a future with me. He also tells me how much he loves me every day to the point where I feel like I'm getting... suffocated/trapped and I constantly stress myself out every day because I simply cannot meet the same level of love that he gives and needs without feeling like I'm faking my care. When I tried to express my concerns with him, he accused me of pushing/throwing him away and being manipulative, while also asking me "what the fuck is wrong with you" when I made a sardonic joke about my lack of trust in people. This, along with his panic attacks and crying when I show the tiniest amount of displeasure with him has made me extremely reluctant to express anything with him. He seems like a very emotional person in that he would tell me that I made him cry after he interpreted my annoyance with him to be me despising him. (For context, he was unnecessarily rude to a person when he was playing a game, and I told him that I didn't like it when he was toxic and trash talking after losing a 1v1). It is very exhausting to spend hours almost every day with him reassuring him that I don't hate him and that it's not "all his fault" when I express the tiniest hint that I am not absolutely ecstatic to be with him. I very do feel like I am being used, but I am also aware that my own emotions and experiences will color and distort the way I perceive things, which is why I turn to reddit to survey the different opinions of people who undoubtably has differing viewpoints as me. While to me, it seems like he is very dependant on me, I am uncertain that he is because when he asks for comfort, it is I who GIVES it freely, which means everything I listed above is of my own violation. So... any thoughts?
Also please don't tell me to "break" up with him. He is not in a good place mentally and he has threatened to kill himself or otherwise harm himself. Furthermore when I express my concerns with him he also started begging for me to stay, leading me to feel intense guilt. I do have concern for my health, but it does come as a secondary concern to his. After all, I accepted this relationship precisely because he assured me that this is what he needs to cope.

Buckle up dear potatoes and our T-rex Leader, I got so much tea that you'll need a truck full of cumpets !
TW : there's mention of bullying and other bad stuff.
Jesus in a bikini, where to start. Well, let's go that way, I used to be bullied in school, because I was large, not fat back then, just very squary because I always have been pretty muscular around the shoulder area (thank to years of swimming everyday of the week during vacations) I'm the shape of a wardrobe that did caused me some mockery about me not being feminine enough and when I met a friend a year younger than me, I had already chased away my bullies by kicking their buttsies (and never got in trouble for doing so, yey for me ! :D) and that poor child ? I knew she was going to have it hard :
She is a red head. Wearing glasses. Fairly little. With asthma so bad she had to go every lunch break in the director's office to breath in a machine.
That made her the perfect target for bullies of all ages and I wasn't going to let that happen. I stepped in, kicked some asses and kept her by my side like if she was my little sister. She said once that I was like her guard dog, and I felt flattered, cause I was happy to serve a purpose and prevent that girl to go through the same stuff as I did.
Time pass and I graduate, we lose contact for a moment because at the time, neither one of us had cellphones and I was forbiden by my toxic mother to meet any friends. That's a story for later.
She eventually joins me in high school a year later and we are both overjoyed to get to spend some time together as well. We both have our group of friend in our classes but since we are both staying in boarding school all week, we spend the rest of the evening together, every evenings. Since I grew older, my dad convinced my mom to let me spend time out with my friend every week end here and there and our friendship grows even stronger. I see her as my sister and I tell her that, she tells me the same.
But in about ten years of friendship, there is a LOT of things that I had let slide because I didn't saw it piled up and saw how bad it was. It had been set little by little. I was very protective of her, so she grew a huge sense of entlitement saying I would always come back to her if we fought because we're family. She was controlling a LOT of things in my life, using always the same leverage : if she get scared or stressed, she will "hyperventilate and may die". You will see later why this is between finger quotes.
There's this game, Undertale, that I like a lot, if you're in the fandom, you know there's lot of fan art and fan made song and stuff.
I couldn't have fan art of Sans the skeleton on my phone, laptop or in my bedroom : because it scares her.
I couldn't listen to music coming from the fandom : because that scares her.
I couldn't wear a t-shirt on which the friendly face of the skeleton was printed : because it scared her.
I couldn't talk a certain way, because she knew the language habit I had, I had caught it by writing a fanfic on the fandom, so i cannot do it either because it scares her.
Couldn't play some video games with her next to me because it scares her (it was tomb raider, very scary) she's a high schooler at that time mind you.
And later I found out she was playing zombie games with her boyfriend. I still fail to see the logic in that.
You name it, I had to change basicly everything and hide stuff cause it scared her. Meanwhile, since we seen each others in high school, we had started to write fanfics together, on DBZ. I had offered and she was so hyped by it. We were basicly doing the same kind of stories on repeat cause we were huge fan of the franchise. She was playing Piccolo and I was playing an OC I had created YEARS ago when I first started writing by the age of 11. But as the time passed, the characters she was playing HAD to always come on top of mine : they had to be the cleverest, strongest, most beautiful, most everything.
Mines just HAD to be inferior.
And when I pointed out certain things, like I had created my OC species to be very fertile and easily have baby to compensate the high risk of mortality among them (yeah it made sense to me back then) she got mad at me because she wanted her characters to have their babies the easiest ! So I had to basicly betray everything my character was to fit her tantrum and she would tell me "it's for the dramaaa come on i know you love it too !" and I was like "y-yeah..; sure"
She would usually demand often that I write lemons on my own, starring her character. (lemons are spicy scenes between characters) She didn't wanted to write them because she was too lazy and would say "but you write them so goooood~" and get whiny so I give in. But when I gave in she would yell at me I didn't respect her character because he placed his hand on a back instead of on a cheek, kissed with the tongue instead of with the lips, you name it. She wanted stuff writted for her, fitting her every demand to the T, but not paying for the comission....
Also she would mock one of my male characters by calling him a f*g because... He didn't want to fight. He's a pacifist, so to her, he's less than a man and a f*g.... She hated the plotwist in my original story that he saved the day because he refused to fight. Hated it.
She once said that she had all the ideas and that I was just good enough to write them.
Her "ideas" were direct plagia of the anime/book/movie she would watch. Like emerald knights, bleach, one piece, fairy tail, etc... And I couldn't call that out first cause I didn't read/watched those !
At the time, I had created many fanfictions and one over 600 pages along with the entire set of lore for my OC, I had wrote the language and how it was spoke, I had wrote it's history, basicly everything about it ! And I was proud of myself.
But I was just good enough to write HER ideas and betray my own characters so she could get a high vicariously through her's.
She had a weird sense of snobbism. Once, she was unhappy about a relationship she had, so I had drove two hours to pick her up and invite her to a Pataterie !
(All potatoes lover sit down for this one : it's a huge french franchise of restaurant FILLED on every dish by : potatoes. all kind of potatoes, mashed, fried, fries, into patties ALL is potatoe. Yes it's true, we can have an amen XD)
So I invite her to this Potatoe magic world to have a good dinner and talk, I pay for both of us. A few months later she want to go to a restaurant, but she doesn't want to pay for me, fair enough I pay for myself and it's a sort of sushi restaurant. She then says "You introduced me to redneck's food, I introduce you to elite high class food !"
... It was a sushi bar. And I won't lie, it was good, but it wasn't "elite". I rolled my eyes at least as hard as when she started bashing my phone for having shitty sound when she was used to better and clearer sound thanks to her gramophone and that I must have bad ears for tolerating such butchery...
And every fricking day, when I was telling that I was a bit unhappy, or sad, or just you know, grumpy, cause life happen. She would always turn it into a tear filled competition about who's life is the saddest, because she would undoutbly be the winner, mostly cause i refused to play. I don't like those unhealthy kind of game and I don't want a pity contest. Once I voiced this to her and she said "Heh, you don't play just because you know you're going to LOSE !"
I stopped and I dead stared at her "Your parents never abused you. You never were a victim of SA. You got health issue, of course it's bad and tragic, but stop thinking you're the only one that suffer. I was bullied as well but I had no one to protect me. The worst bullying you got was verbal, and it's bad, I got beaten up unconscious and got thrown ice in the face that splitted it open, among with the verbal ab*se. And you know what my mother said when i came home from school with spit and gums in my hair ? She said that I always bought her troubles and was such a disapointment to her."
And then again, I had to be the one conforting her because what I said hurted her. I didn't meant to hurt her, I wanted her to see my point that just because her suffering is more visible doesn't mean she's the only one that does.
She got a boyfriend for the first time in her life and she became UNBEARABLE, would throw dark stares at me when I would wave at her when her boyfriend is here. Would avoid me because she doesn't want me to "ashame her" by just... existing. They were together for a month when he suddenly ghosted her and stopped talking to her. And I was there when she called me every evening to complain about how sad she was and how terrible the situation was etc. It's at that time I got her to the Pataterie, to lift her spirits up. He came back from the ghosting and she wanted him back, I warned her that it MAY be a bad idea, cause he betrayed her trust and that she want it back very bad because he left. But she should give herself some time before taking him back cause she may not have forgave him and there is still trust that need to be rebuilt. I tell her that cause I made that mistake myself and I ended being the toxic beach of the relationship because I had not forgave my boyfriend for similar sh*t he pulled on me, didn't want that to happen to her. She told me :
"You relationship isn't as strong as ours."
I had been with my boyfriend for three years. She had been for a month. And even if it wasn't already a more matured relationship, what kind of c*nt says that ? I told her I was going back home because what she said was not okay and that I didn't wanted to talk to her for a moment, I had to process that BS. She came back crashing at my house demanding hugs because she couldn't bear me to be mad at her. And when I told her to give me space and get out, she told me "who do you think you are to throw me out ?!"
Yeah, in my own house.
But I didn't pilled up all of those hints before because they came gradually, little by little through the years. We had been "friends" for a dozen of years now and I loved her so dearly I was unconsciously spoiling her. But then, one evening, she told me something that made it all crash down.
She had faked the very first asthma crisis that got her tied to the machine when we met at school.
All this time she had been blaming a sickness and leveraging a sickness that had never been THAT bad. Now I don't know how bad it is, but the fact that she had lied about something so serious crushed me and every sense of love I had for her. I FINALLY picked every hint and red flag I told you about in this VERY LONG thread (sorry for the rant lol) and I cutted ties with her.
She told me she knew I would come back crawling at her because I was her "big sister" and I would always forgive her. When I was mad at her she would often use the "but you're my big sister" tactic to butter me up and make me forgive her.
I didn't do that.
Instead, I've erased everything we wrote from the google docs that I had the sole responsability of because she was too lazy to put in the effort to copy paste it from our phones. And I replaced all of the pages and removed her acces so she could only see it but not modify or regain access to what we had wrote. I then typed :
"I took all of my writings back since I don't do plagia and I don't want Tite Kubo (Bleach's creator) to sue me for "your ideas". I'll name a character after you in my next story but it won't have enough importance to be dealed with by the hero. Just like you don't have enough importance to me anymore to be dealed with. I will try to get it published, thanks for giving me so much matter to write about absolutly terrible people that do shitty things. I'll bring a toast to you when I reach success. Ciao"
And ended it with a nice middle finger emoji. And I intend to keep my promise if I ever get published, that will be the finale of my petty revenge. But I already know I live rent free in her head because she tried to contact me a few times since I cutted ties with her many years ago. I probably forgot a lot of stuff, but like I said, it was years ago ! Hope you enjoyed and the tea was matching your taste ! Billions of hugs everyone, living a good life is always the best petty revenge ! But I'd say, doing it with the middle finger lifted is a bonus.

I want to start but explaining what I said at the end of my title. My mom seems to treat me like a sort of award or an animal of sorts. We went to a wedding 2 weeks ago and she spent 3 hours doing my hair (shoulder length, curly hair; becomes an afro when dry) all because "You gotta look presentable at my friend's wedding. You're fucking crazy if you think I'm letting you go like some bum." She uses that word a lot with me, and this is where I go into other instances later.
I dress in large, dark clothing. This being oversized graphics, jeans, baggy cargo pants, and hoodies, all in greys, blacks, or any muted colors. She hates my style of clothing, but it's because I don't do anything but go to school, come home, and play video games or talk to my friends. She says I look like a homeless person, and my uncle (her younger brother; he's been in tons of jobs, single at 36, and lives with roomates; dresses in thrifted clothing which I always thought was cool, and she never approved of.) She's always trying to get me to conform to her own style, which from what I can tell, are all the bright, name brand clothing I own that she bought me herself, all in my correct size. They're usually red, white, black shirts with large print Adidas, Nike, Calvin Klein, or some other brand on the front. I hate these shirts, mostly because of their size, and she tells me "I didn't buy you all this nice clothes for nothing" and "If you keep wearing that stupid ass shirt/those shoes, I'm throwing it out." Which, so far, she hasn't been able to do since I've hidden clothing she says that about. I tried ordering clothes online about a month ago for the first time ever (I'm a freshman in highschool), which consisted of a mute-green shirt with a skeleton with roses on it, and a pair of black cargo parachute-like pants. Her boyfriend, who works from home, hid the shipped box in their room and opened it without asking me, and she came into my room after work to yell at me for "Buying stuff without asking" and "Buying shit that doesn't even look good." Note that this was for 20 bucks of my own money that I got over time. I don't have an allowance, so the only money I get is during my birthday and Christmas, which is never more than 75-100 dollars from relatives, NOT my mom. She also has this weird obsession with what I do with my body?? Last week, I asked "Hey, what if I shaved my mustache?" (teen dirt mustache, nothing serious at ALL) and she yelled at me, took the facial razor from me, and that was that. Whenever she sits me down to do my hair, every time, she starts popping blackheads on my face, saying "This makes me feel like those Dr. Pimplepopper videos. You know what I mean?" And, I do, but she gets needles to pop them prematurely, and gets mad at me for "Not taking care of your face," which she followed by having my doctor prescribe me some cream that's supposed to help with clearing dark scars on my forehead, and prevent acne and blackheads. I forget to use it, and she gets mad at me for it. She keeps wanting to take me to cut my hair, which I am very protective of, since it covers some of my own insecurities, but whenever I say "I don't want a haircut," she'll normally say "Cool, awesome. That's not your choice to make. If I say you're getting a hair cut.. guess what? You're getting one."
She's very sarcastic, but somehow only to me? I've never heard her speak like that to anyone else. I'll go into more of that later.
Another thing, she doesn't like my interests. As boring as that sounds, it really starts to frustrate me. I like things such as cars, photography, skateboarding, and my music is mostly alternative rock or shoegaze. Last Tuesday, I saw an Audi R8, something that is REALLY rare in the area I live in, and I said something like "Oh, oh! Mom, look at that! An Audi!" and she looked up from her phone since we were at a red light, and went "Mmm." I said "Those things are like.. what, 150 thousand dollars?? I've never seen one before." And she didn't even say anything back. She looked down to her phone, watching a video on what I assume was TikTok or Instagram. Another detail, I have these same conversations with my grandma, and she can actually care. I'm at her house right now, writing this on her computer since I'm grounded (I'll get into that later). We were talking about what I'd do with my first paycheck, which I said I'd use to fix an old SUV sitting in her yard so I can use it to get from places. She was supportive of the idea, and we talked about a variety of things leading from this for ~30 minutes.
And, on cars, my mom thinks I shouldn't be able to drive. In my state, you can get a permit to begin driving at 15, which is how old I am now. We've had the discussion of when I'm going to get my permit, but my mom tells me the same things as to why I can't get one; 1: I'd take my friends places with me in my car. She says that if I get into an accident, my fault or not, that the passengers can sue me. She says this because when she was 17, she was passenger in her friend's car with 2 other people, and the parents of the 2 people sued the driver. The accident wasn't his fault, she told me herself; they were t-boned by someone who ran a red. 2: She doesn't want me to be able to unmonitored. My mom doesn't trust me to be by myself since I've had a history of stealing things like her debit cards and cash. Recently, I've been grounded for stealing a THC cartridge from her room, interested in trying it for the first time. Couldn't buy it myself, and she had multiple, and I wasn't going to keep it either, since I don't have something to heat it with. This happened in February, and I've been grounded since. She believes "One of your stupid friends told you to do it, didn't they?" and she's taken my stuff, being my cellphone, laptop, and xbox. Personally, I don't really use them that much, so the leverage here was weak, but from overheard conversations, she doesn't hit me anymore as a teenager since "-If I hit him, he doesn't care anymore. Taking his shit barely does." If anything, this conflicts her more than it does me. She has controls on my phone to see where I am, how long I've used my phone, what apps I use, and other stuff. (Google Family Link) So, really, I don't see the point in even taking it.
Another thing; I'm not allowed to leave my house. Even before I was grounded, my mom didn't ever let me leave the house. I could go to the park down the street, but that was it. I wanted to go to the skating rink? Nope. Movie theater? Only once in 7th grade, but she came with me. Anything that wasn't in some facility is something I don't even bother asking. At first, I wondered if it was just because she didn't know their parents, but when I asked if she wanted to me a parent of my friend, she just told me "No, I'm tired." Which, I understood; it was Thursday, and she worked. But when Saturday came, I asked if she wanted to come with me to my friend's party, which is why I asked if she wanted to meet their mom beforehand. She straight up said "I don't want to meet your little friend's mom." And I've given up since. I don't go to houses of other people because "I didn't do that as a kid, you don't need to either." Which is FALSE. I asked my grandma and, in her words: "Oh, yeah! I used to take her to (friend)'s house all the time. Her mom was so nice, she'd make pound cake a lot!" Asked her about this, she said "Okay? You're still not going anywhere." Pissed me off, and she took my phone for arguing with her about it. She doesn't even like the idea of my friends coming to events we attend or simply to our house. She tells me "I don't want to be responsible for other people's kids." Which, is really hypocritical, since she has her friend's son come over ALONE so often. And, yes, this is the "Neighbor's kid" situation.
And, now that I'm grounded for trying to experiment, she doubled down on "Your friend's are little degenerates. I don't want to meet them" ideology, I guess. She completely believes that I lack some form of free-will, and that I'll listen to my friends unconditionally. Obviously, I don't, but she says "How about you stop being a follower, and MAYBE you can bring them over." My social life is pretty much non-existent outside of school, and it doesn't help I've changed schools 7 times.
And school. God damn. I have changed schools so often, 7 might not even be the right number. I got used to never seeing people again, and I don't use my phone to call or text anyone except for those I see everyday, and they usually text me first. My mom has been pressuring me all my life with "You better get A's before summer, or you're not doing shit," -Something she said last week, "Maybe if you didn't care your friends so bad, you'd be doing better in school," -something she said when she took my phone for having an 82 in human geo, "You don't even study for your classes. Do you want to be homeless, or something? Do you want to be like (My uncle)??" Which, I say no just so she leaves me alone. My uncle has been jumping blue-collar jobs for ages, moving all the time, generally a vagabond hippie. Personally, I wouldn't mind being dead tomorrow, so this question doesn't really poke anything in my head, but I try in school anyways because I'm too scared to actually kill myself, and a knife isn't going to fall from space onto my head anytime soon. Right now, I'm scheduled to switch to another school to graduate from. She wants me to switch here because they have a program that allows seniors to graduate with Associates degrees for free, and I can skip a year of college. I'm all for it, since it means paying for less years, but now that I have a developing social life, I'm upset that I'm leaving everything behind again. I most likely won't even care in the next year, but the idea of that gets me even MORE upset. It couldn't possibly be normal to be so distanced from everyone in my life that not seeing them anymore doesn't even mean anything to me.
And, within herself, I don't even know. She's always looking at her phone or talking in a pouty, sort of pick-me voice with her boyfriend when I hear her speak to him, but when she's talking to me, it's either about grades, something wrong with me, or some other thing she wants me to care about. She speaks to me with a lot of sarcasm, which I never see her do with other people, including family. Somehow, she's always angry at me for the dumb things, but the weird thing is, she doesn't stay mad?? She takes my stuff, threatens to slap me, and then I'll ask her a question later and it's like nothing ever happened. She talks to me in this normal, sort of exaggerated voice, but I don't even know if it is, since I never hear her talk like this. I thought she was bipolar, but I don't know enough about her to pinpoint if anything is wrong with her.
And me. I figure I can't bring all this up without at least talking about myself with the minimal self-awareness I have. I don't really know if there's anything wrong with me, at least not seriously. I stay up at night on my phone and watch videos, play video games, or something else. She catches me sometimes, but I usually keep something else to stay up. I get up at night and eat snacks from the cabinet or cookies they bake. I'm not allowed to have the cookies since "They're for me and (boyfriend). Do they say your name on them? No? Stop fucking touching them." It's a similar situation for the snacks; that I lack "Moderation" since I eat a ton at once and then not for many hours. She's started hiding things in her room that I notice whenever I walk to her door (I'm not allowed inside) and all she leaves is the things she thinks I won't eat. If I eat some tortilla chips, it's usually gone before it even finishes. I forget to do a ton of things; brush my teeth in the morning, put dishes from my room in the sink, put on deodorant, charge my phone, set my alarm, catch the bus, dates she's told ME, specifically ME, someone who forgets things, to remember, bring home parent letters from school, things that I need or own in places.. the list goes on. I've stolen money in the past, I've stolen gum, maybe a bag of chips or a Rice Krispy, but that's about it. When I'm grounded, I grab my phone back to check texts, or use my laptop to look up something weird on incognito (It's disabled on my phone). I've tried to take my phone back without her noticing, but she started putting it in obvious spaces, so I know she's baiting me. I've had issues with self-harm in the recent past, another thing she blamed on my friends, and she said "You realize if your doctor sees that, which she will, you're going to have to go to a psychiatrist. You know that, right?" And, she's right, they probably will. She scheduled an appointment soon and the injuries haven't healed. Recently, I've been trying to force her not to care; acting defiant, letting her hit me all she wants and not doing anything/trying not to react, sleeping from 6-7 on sleeping pills so that I'm not just sitting in my room for hours (that's more personal; I get very bored), other things. I've tried to go out at night, cliché teenager style, but I live somewhere where there's nothing to do by yourself, and there's only so much distance you can cover on a skateboard in less than 3 hours.
Overall, she doesn't trust me, and by this point I've stopped trying to gain it. She complains I'm not responsible, yet I don't have any responsibilities despite schoolwork. She complains I'm lazy, even though I'm not allowed out of the house (doing laps on a skateboard gets really stale..). She complains that I don't give her a reason to trust me, when she doesn't do the same.
Sure, she's my mom, and she does what she needs to do. I'm fed, I'm sheltered, I'm clothed, I have an education, but that's it. She spends more time with her boyfriend of 2 years more than me. While I'm here at my grandparents, she's at a nightclub in another state with her friends. Last week, she went to a concert with most of the people she knows. I was with my grandma. She went to visit her friend in Virginia, I was with my grandma. But, when I'm with her on weekends? She lays in bed all day, watching TV or something on her phone, smoking weed with her boyfriend (who, mind you, got her into it in the first place).
I don't know if I'm just crazy, or maybe I have reasons. I want to say something to her, but I doubt she'll listen. I'm stuck in my house and I don't have the power to change my life in it's current stage. I'll turn 18, leave the house, and then from there, figure it out. How? I don't know.
I suppose I'm asking what I can do about it, or something. The ordeal makes me feel pretty hopeless and I want change, but I doubt I could bring it myself.

I am worried I will spend the rest of my life alone. I hate it when people say “I’m gonna die alone!” Everyone dies alone and that’s not really what you’re afraid of. Because, hello, who cares, you’ll be dead! I’m not scared of dying alone. I am scared of spending the next 40 years of my life alone. I’m 40 and I’m guessing I might make it to 80. I have tried so hard all my life (on and off) to meet someone, to fall in love, to be loved in return and to have a lifelong partner I trust and to finally feel like I’m home. But it just NEVER works out for me.
Now, people have told me all my life, every tired, old, meaningless platitude you can think of, so please don’t copy and paste them here. You know the: You’ll meet someone when you least expect it, you’ll receive love when you truly love yourself, you need to be more open, you need to put yourself out there, just focus on yourself, better yourself, see a therapist, have hobbies, join a club, forgot about finding someone and they will find you. None of that is even remotely true. It’s absurd. If you weren’t looking or thinking about love you’d be so caught up in your own existence you wouldn’t notice the lovely man smiling at you at the grocery store right?
I have tried them all anyway, I have seen and still see a therapist. I have worked on myself, I am truly and completely happy with who I am. I know I’m a good and decent person. I know I’d make a good girlfriend. I have stopped looking, stopped trying and stopped dating, still didn’t meet anyone. Nothing works. There is no one single person on the planet that expects it less than I and still that doesn’t work! I have tried all different ways to meet people. Guys don’t turn up for our planned meetings, they ghost me, tell me they don’t want anything serious, go on 5 dates with me and then still ghost me, start a relationship with me and then still ghost me after months and there are heaps of other stories I could bore you with.
Then people tell me to just enjoy being single, but I don’t and I never have. Is that so wrong? I enjoy being with others. I want someone to go to dinner with, travel with, talk to, cuddle, sleep with, go to concerts with, go for walks with, buy a dog with. I want someone to ask and care about my day. I want someone to live with, to share things with, to mark milestones with. Friends just don’t fill that void and when you are my age you don’t see them often and that’s just reality. They have their own families and friends and jobs and kids and lives.
Also, sex! Sex is an important part of life and when you don’t do casual or one night stands if you have to accept being single that means no sex, forever! And that’s a hard pill to swallow, no one talks about that!
I just can’t imagine spending the next 40 years being lonely and sad and alone and empty. Going on and off dating apps, going to singles nights and speed dating events and trying line dancing and pottery classes and toastmasters clubs and trivia nights and sitting at bars alone (never actually done that one tbh). It’s going to be so fucking pointless and boring. Not to mention what it does to your psyche and the way you see the world. Will I be 60 and still texting randoms on dating apps, going on dates that lead nowhere or having short term, frivolous relationships without care or love? Yuck! If anyone says there is more to life than love, I don’t believe you. That is what everyone wants. It’s a basic human need.
And I am sick of people telling me it will happen, it’ll work out, just because it has for them. It might not work out for me. I might not ever meet anyone. I might spend every day from now until the day I die alone and that’s the truth. People just say bullshit like that to shut you up and make you feel better but it’s annoying. I’d rather the truth. Sometimes people don’t get what they want, sometimes people don’t get to be happy.

The Economist; London Vol. 451, Iss. 9394, (Apr 27, 2024): 31, 32.

THE CLEAN-ENERGY transition is doing wonders for energy nerds. Not because of any particular policy triumph, but because people beyond wonkdom are actually trying to understand what they are saying. Several times in the past two years “energy permitting”, such as the approval of electricity-transmission lines, became one of the hottest legislative topics in America. Attempts at planning reform failed. But the nerds’ moment in the sun is not over. Those newly captivated by provisional environmental-impact statements and land-use planning will soon turn their attention to the Federal Energy Regulatory Commission (FERC), an obscure, independent agency that regulates the interstate transmission of energy.

In 2022 Congress passed the Inflation Reduction Act (IRA), a climate law full of tax incentives for clean-energy infrastructure. President Joe Biden and Democrats won the support of Joe Manchin, a centrist senator for West Virginia, by promising that they would also seek to ease the cumbersome process of obtaining permits. It can take years for solar and wind farms to be approved, and even longer for interstate transmission lines. Speeding up planning is crucial. A study from Princeton University in 2023 found that America needs to expand electricity-transmission capacity 50% faster than its recent historical rate to reap the maximum decarbonisation benefits of the IRA.

One way to launch a building boom would be for Congress to grant FERC the power to permit interstate transmission lines as it does for natural-gas pipelines, which sail much quicker through planning processes. But progress there has stalled. Other good ideas are floating around. One bill, from John Hickenlooper, a Democratic senator for Colorado, would mandate that regions be able to transfer a certain amount of electricity between them. That could make it easier to move power around during extreme weather, reduce costs for consumers where energy is now scarce and help states meet their clean-energy-generation targets.

Yet progressive Democrats are wary of rushing projects through. And though Republicans have long favoured making permits easier to get, they would like to make it easier to build fossil-fuel infrastructure, too. The result is a stalemate. The lack of congressional action leaves agencies trying to speed things up themselves.

Enter FERC. The next few months could determine how effective the commission will prove to be for the foreseeable future, for two reasons.

First, a final rule is set to be released on May 13th that could require transmission developers to plan 20 years into the future and that works out who should pay for new interstate lines. The transmission-opposition-complex is waiting. Environmentalists and NIMBYs are suspicious of how such projects mar the landscape, and often sue to delay them. Many utilities are local monopolies, and building interstate transmission could introduce competition from power generators beyond their regions. “It’s all about the control they have over where our power comes from, and transmission can disrupt that control,” says Ari Peskoe, director of the Electricity Law Initiative at Harvard University.

Politics also threatens to get in the way. After FERC initially released its rule in 2022, 17 Republican attorneys-general argued that the commission wants to inflict renewable energy on states that resist it via new transmission lines, and that it does not have authority from Congress to do so. The Supreme Court may be amenable to this argument. In West Virginia v Environmental Protection Agency, in 2022, the court used the “major questions doctrine” to strike down an EPA rule regulating greenhouse-gas emissions on similar grounds. It will also take time for transmission operators to comply with the new rule. Mr Peskoe reckons that compliance and legal challenges could delay the rule’s implementation by several years.

The second factor that will affect FERC’s power to change the energy landscape is the commission’s size: it is shrinking. It is supposed to be made up of five members nominated by the president and confirmed by the Senate. But Mr Manchin blocked the renomination of the commission’s chairman in 2022, another member’s term expired last year and a third commissioner is scheduled to leave in June. If FERC goes down to two commissioners then it loses a quorum, notes Caitlin Marquis of Advanced Energy United, a clean-energy lobby group. In that case, “they can’t function as a decision-making body,” she adds.

In February Mr Biden announced three nominees who would bring the commission back to full strength—provided that they are indeed confirmed. Their nominations appear uncontroversial so far, but America’s toxic politics have made even energy nerds superstitious. The common refrain from the cognoscenti when contemplating the nominees’ prospects is: “I don’t want to jinx it.”

Stay on top of American politics with The US in brief, our daily newsletter with fast analysis of the most important electoral stories, and Checks and Balance, a weekly note from our Lexington columnist that examines the state of American democracy and the issues that matter to voters.

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(Im using fake names)
So for some back story, me (20f) and my ex best friend, Bethany (19f), have been friends for a year. We became friends because I dated her husband 4 years ago (in high school). She friended me on Facebook so she could have someone to talk to about everything and she said she wanted to know me. Now my best friend of 9-10 years, Elana (20f), was also with this ex a long time before Bethany had even known him. And I introduced them to each other because Bethany said she wanted to know all of his exes. (Should’ve seen the red flag)
So onto what happened, about 2 weeks ago, Bethany texted in our group chat (Bethany, Elana and I) about something she was happy about and Elana and I didn’t answer for 20 minutes (because we were busy talking with our husbands and taking care of stuff), Bethany texts back and goes off on us for not texting back quickly and said “it makes her feel like shit” when we don’t answer her when she says she’s happy about something. So I text back and explain that I was talking to my husband but I’m so happy for her. Now I will say that normally I would have used a few “!” But I was trying to make sure my husband didn’t feel ignored because he just got home from work and I was having a conversation with him. Not too soon after me Elana texts too and says what she was doing but she’s so happy for Bethany. Bethany texts back almost an hour later and says what I said was “backhanded”, which I don’t think it was but 🤷‍♀️. Anyways, I explain to her what was going on and how I didn’t mean it to be backhanded, and if it was I’m sorry. The next day, Bethany only snaps me a few times and then gets mad at me because she was getting snaps of my tv. I send everyone the same snaps and only change them for my husband, group chats or anyone who ACTUALLY says something in them. And when I explained that to Bethany she left me on open. So I go and talk to Elana about it and she texts Bethany and Bethany texts me and says she’s not mad at me but she’s distancing herself because I always say backhanded stuff and she said that me talking about how I’m trying to gain weight (I’ve been sick for a while and haven’t been able to eat and I liked myself a little bigger.) was completely wrong of me to say and it was so insensitive because she’s trying to lose weight. I tell her that it’s not backhanded or wrong because we’re supposed to be able to talk about all of this stuff and our struggles and this is a pretty big struggle of mine (just like she talks about her struggle to lose weight). She eventually says that she doesn’t do all of this drama stuff and she blocks me before I can reply (keep this in mind for later).
A week or so goes by and at like 3 in the morning I get a text from Elana (which I didn’t see until 7 that next morning because I was asleep) that says Bethany sent me a message and she didn’t know if she was blocked on messages (she wasn’t because I still cared for her and wanted to be there if anything happened). I open the message from Bethany and she’s trying to be my friend again but the whole message reeked of fake apologies and backhanded comments. I end up answering back and saying that I’m okay unblocking each other but not just diving back in. And she leaves me on read for a good 3-4 hours before replying and saying she’s busy right now. It wasn’t until 11 that night that she actually answered me back. (This was yesterday night). And we go back and forth for a while before she completely stops texting. I FaceTime Elana and she says that it’s all crazy and none of it should’ve happened in the first place. I draft a “speaking my mind” text before I block her. (My sister helped me with it too, she’s been with me through this all and it was actually her idea to send a text and then block her.) I will say I was kind of rude to her but I had been holding all of this in for like 2-ish weeks and it needed to come out because it was for me to speak my mind. So I send the finished text (it was very very long) and I block her. Not wanting to deal with it anymore.
This morning, Elana wakes up to her being blocked by Bethany on everything. By the time Elana is able to get ahold of Bethany it’s already 1-2 o’clock in the afternoon (this started at 11). Bethany says that she can’t be friends with anyone who associates with me and I’m just a bitch and c- word (I don’t like saying it lol)and I’m just a shitty person who hides behind screens and won’t say it to her face. She makes fun of everything that’s been going on with my health to Elana. And she tells Elana to tell me to quit being a bitch and unblock her because she didn’t get a chance to go off on me (she went off on me that day we stopped being friends and she had blocked me that day before I could reply) and that’s just what pu**ies do. Elana at this time was fuming (rightfully so) because she didn’t do anything wrong. Bethany sits there and takes my words and twists them to make me the bad guy and tries to make Elana choose between Bethany and I. (Elana didn’t want to choose but she wasn’t going to throw away a long relationship for someone who doesn’t even believe her when she says anything.) Bethany has always been this way but we just didn’t want to see it because she’s was one of our best friends.
Now, we loved her and tried our best to help her with anything she needed help with. Elana and I feel like we were really good friends to her and she just took our friendship and threw it away. Bethany tried to make Elana choose and that’s what toxic friends do. (I stick by that comment).
Also, after Elana and I had blocked her (Elana blocked her because she was being very disrespectful to the both of us). Bethany goes OUT OF HER WAY to message my husband on Facebook and let him know that I was just a piece of shit who was still “obsessed” with her husband. (He was actually the one still stuck on me. He literally told her that before and I feel that’s what really started it all.) Bethany sat there and purposely tried to turn my husband against me. (My husband is very protective of me and her texting him was not a good idea.) she called my husband and I p**sies for not answering her calls but my husband told her it was for proof because this was technically harassment and my husband blocked her after he said what he needed to say. She then FINDS HIM ON INSTAGRAM just to tell him that he can block her but she’ll always find a way to get her point across and to tell him that she’s so much better than me bc I’m lazy and (with my health issues right now it’s hard for me to get up and out of bed for longer than like a few hours.) I’m just a piece of shit who just sits there and never does anything for anyone and only thinks about myself. (My husband has diabetes and owns his own company with his dad so I help him stay on top of everything in his life. Diabetes isn’t easy to live with and I’m trying my best to help him get ahead of it he’s had it for 9 years but it’s still hard to stay on top of. I make sure he has good food to eat and he always does his insulin. I make sure his feet look good and not like diabetic feet normally would. (I don’t want him to eventually lose them) my point is I’m constantly worrying about something or doing something for mine AND my husbands health. I also have a dog so I make sure he gets what he needs and is healthy and shit like that.)
Anyways, basically all I’m asking is if I’m in the wrong here? Like should I have just kept my message to myself or is she actually overreacting about it? Everyone has told me I’m not in the wrong here and I don’t believe I am either but she makes me feel like I’m crazy and in the wrong.
Sorry for the long post, it was just a lot. Thanks in advance ☺️

I want to start but explaining what I said at the end of my title. My mom seems to treat me like a sort of award or an animal of sorts. We went to a wedding 2 weeks ago and she spent 3 hours doing my hair (shoulder length, curly hair; becomes an afro when dry) all because "You gotta look presentable at my friend's wedding. You're fucking crazy if you think I'm letting you go like some bum." She uses that word a lot with me, and this is where I go into other instances later.
I dress in large, dark clothing. This being oversized graphics, jeans, baggy cargo pants, and hoodies, all in greys, blacks, or any muted colors. She hates my style of clothing, but it's because I don't do anything but go to school, come home, and play video games or talk to my friends. She says I look like a homeless person, and my uncle (her younger brother; he's been in tons of jobs, single at 36, and lives with roomates; dresses in thrifted clothing which I always thought was cool, and she never approved of.) She's always trying to get me to conform to her own style, which from what I can tell, are all the bright, name brand clothing I own that she bought me herself, all in my correct size. They're usually red, white, black shirts with large print Adidas, Nike, Calvin Klein, or some other brand on the front. I hate these shirts, mostly because of their size, and she tells me "I didn't buy you all this nice clothes for nothing" and "If you keep wearing that stupid ass shirt/those shoes, I'm throwing it out." Which, so far, she hasn't been able to do since I've hidden clothing she says that about. I tried ordering clothes online about a month ago for the first time ever (I'm a freshman in highschool), which consisted of a mute-green shirt with a skeleton with roses on it, and a pair of black cargo parachute-like pants. Her boyfriend, who works from home, hid the shipped box in their room and opened it without asking me, and she came into my room after work to yell at me for "Buying stuff without asking" and "Buying shit that doesn't even look good." Note that this was for 20 bucks of my own money that I got over time. I don't have an allowance, so the only money I get is during my birthday and Christmas, which is never more than 75-100 dollars from relatives, NOT my mom. She also has this weird obsession with what I do with my body?? Last week, I asked "Hey, what if I shaved my mustache?" (teen dirt mustache, nothing serious at ALL) and she yelled at me, took the facial razor from me, and that was that. Whenever she sits me down to do my hair, every time, she starts popping blackheads on my face, saying "This makes me feel like those Dr. Pimplepopper videos. You know what I mean?" And, I do, but she gets needles to pop them prematurely, and gets mad at me for "Not taking care of your face," which she followed by having my doctor prescribe me some cream that's supposed to help with clearing dark scars on my forehead, and prevent acne and blackheads. I forget to use it, and she gets mad at me for it. She keeps wanting to take me to cut my hair, which I am very protective of, since it covers some of my own insecurities, but whenever I say "I don't want a haircut," she'll normally say "Cool, awesome. That's not your choice to make. If I say you're getting a hair cut.. guess what? You're getting one."
She's very sarcastic, but somehow only to me? I've never heard her speak like that to anyone else. I'll go into more of that later.
Another thing, she doesn't like my interests. As boring as that sounds, it really starts to frustrate me. I like things such as cars, photography, skateboarding, and my music is mostly alternative rock or shoegaze. Last Tuesday, I saw an Audi R8, something that is REALLY rare in the area I live in, and I said something like "Oh, oh! Mom, look at that! An Audi!" and she looked up from her phone since we were at a red light, and went "Mmm." I said "Those things are like.. what, 150 thousand dollars?? I've never seen one before." And she didn't even say anything back. She looked down to her phone, watching a video on what I assume was TikTok or Instagram. Another detail, I have these same conversations with my grandma, and she can actually care. I'm at her house right now, writing this on her computer since I'm grounded (I'll get into that later). We were talking about what I'd do with my first paycheck, which I said I'd use to fix an old SUV sitting in her yard so I can use it to get from places. She was supportive of the idea, and we talked about a variety of things leading from this for ~30 minutes.
And, on cars, my mom thinks I shouldn't be able to drive. In my state, you can get a permit to begin driving at 15, which is how old I am now. We've had the discussion of when I'm going to get my permit, but my mom tells me the same things as to why I can't get one; 1: I'd take my friends places with me in my car. She says that if I get into an accident, my fault or not, that the passengers can sue me. She says this because when she was 17, she was passenger in her friend's car with 2 other people, and the parents of the 2 people sued the driver. The accident wasn't his fault, she told me herself; they were t-boned by someone who ran a red. 2: She doesn't want me to be able to unmonitored. My mom doesn't trust me to be by myself since I've had a history of stealing things like her debit cards and cash. Recently, I've been grounded for stealing a THC cartridge from her room, interested in trying it for the first time. Couldn't buy it myself, and she had multiple, and I wasn't going to keep it either, since I don't have something to heat it with. This happened in February, and I've been grounded since. She believes "One of your stupid friends told you to do it, didn't they?" and she's taken my stuff, being my cellphone, laptop, and xbox. Personally, I don't really use them that much, so the leverage here was weak, but from overheard conversations, she doesn't hit me anymore as a teenager since "-If I hit him, he doesn't care anymore. Taking his shit barely does." If anything, this conflicts her more than it does me. She has controls on my phone to see where I am, how long I've used my phone, what apps I use, and other stuff. (Google Family Link) So, really, I don't see the point in even taking it.
Another thing; I'm not allowed to leave my house. Even before I was grounded, my mom didn't ever let me leave the house. I could go to the park down the street, but that was it. I wanted to go to the skating rink? Nope. Movie theater? Only once in 7th grade, but she came with me. Anything that wasn't in some facility is something I don't even bother asking. At first, I wondered if it was just because she didn't know their parents, but when I asked if she wanted to me a parent of my friend, she just told me "No, I'm tired." Which, I understood; it was Thursday, and she worked. But when Saturday came, I asked if she wanted to come with me to my friend's party, which is why I asked if she wanted to meet their mom beforehand. She straight up said "I don't want to meet your little friend's mom." And I've given up since. I don't go to houses of other people because "I didn't do that as a kid, you don't need to either." Which is FALSE. I asked my grandma and, in her words: "Oh, yeah! I used to take her to (friend)'s house all the time. Her mom was so nice, she'd make pound cake a lot!" Asked her about this, she said "Okay? You're still not going anywhere." Pissed me off, and she took my phone for arguing with her about it. She doesn't even like the idea of my friends coming to events we attend or simply to our house. She tells me "I don't want to be responsible for other people's kids." Which, is really hypocritical, since she has her friend's son come over ALONE so often. And, yes, this is the "Neighbor's kid" situation.
And, now that I'm grounded for trying to experiment, she doubled down on "Your friend's are little degenerates. I don't want to meet them" ideology, I guess. She completely believes that I lack some form of free-will, and that I'll listen to my friends unconditionally. Obviously, I don't, but she says "How about you stop being a follower, and MAYBE you can bring them over." My social life is pretty much non-existent outside of school, and it doesn't help I've changed schools 7 times.
And school. God damn. I have changed schools so often, 7 might not even be the right number. I got used to never seeing people again, and I don't use my phone to call or text anyone except for those I see everyday, and they usually text me first. My mom has been pressuring me all my life with "You better get A's before summer, or you're not doing shit," -Something she said last week, "Maybe if you didn't care your friends so bad, you'd be doing better in school," -something she said when she took my phone for having an 82 in human geo, "You don't even study for your classes. Do you want to be homeless, or something? Do you want to be like (My uncle)??" Which, I say no just so she leaves me alone. My uncle has been jumping blue-collar jobs for ages, moving all the time, generally a vagabond hippie. Personally, I wouldn't mind being dead tomorrow, so this question doesn't really poke anything in my head, but I try in school anyways because I'm too scared to actually kill myself, and a knife isn't going to fall from space onto my head anytime soon. Right now, I'm scheduled to switch to another school to graduate from. She wants me to switch here because they have a program that allows seniors to graduate with Associates degrees for free, and I can skip a year of college. I'm all for it, since it means paying for less years, but now that I have a developing social life, I'm upset that I'm leaving everything behind again. I most likely won't even care in the next year, but the idea of that gets me even MORE upset. It couldn't possibly be normal to be so distanced from everyone in my life that not seeing them anymore doesn't even mean anything to me.
And, within herself, I don't even know. She's always looking at her phone or talking in a pouty, sort of pick-me voice with her boyfriend when I hear her speak to him, but when she's talking to me, it's either about grades, something wrong with me, or some other thing she wants me to care about. She speaks to me with a lot of sarcasm, which I never see her do with other people, including family. Somehow, she's always angry at me for the dumb things, but the weird thing is, she doesn't stay mad?? She takes my stuff, threatens to slap me, and then I'll ask her a question ;ater and it's like nothing ever happened. She talks to me in this normal, sort of exaggerated voice, but I don't even know if it is, since I never hear her talk like this. I thought she was bipolar, but I don't know enough about her to pinpoint if anything is wrong with her.
And me. I figure I can't bring all this up without at least talking about myself with the minimal self-awareness I have. I don't really know if there's anything wrong with me, at least not seriously. I stay up at night on my phone and watch videos, play video games, or something else. She catches me sometimes, but I usually keep something else to stay up. I get up at night and eat snacks from the cabinet or cookies they bake. I'm not allowed to have the cookies since "They're for me and (boyfriend). Do they say your name on them? No? Stop fucking touching them." It's a similar situation for the snacks; that I lack "Moderation" since I eat a ton at once and then not for many hours. She's started hiding things in her room that I notice whenever I walk to her door (I'm not allowed inside) and all she leaves is the things she thinks I won't eat. If I eat some tortilla chips, it's usually gone before it even finishes. I forget to do a ton of things; brush my teeth in the morning, put dishes from my room in the sink, put on deodorant, charge my phone, set my alarm, catch the bus, dates she's told ME, specifically ME, someone who forgets things, to remember, bring home parent letters from school, things that I need or own in places.. the list goes on. I've stolen money in the past, I've stolen gum, maybe a bag of chips or a rice krispy, but that's about it. When I'm grounded, I grab my phone back to check texts, or use my laptop to look up something weird on incognito (It's disabled on my phone). I've tried to take my phone back without her noticing, but she started putting it in obvious spaces, so I know she's baiting me. I've had issues with self-harm in the recent past, another thing she blamed on my friends, and she said "You realize if your doctor sees that, which she will, you're going to have to go to a psychiatrist. You know that, right?" And, she's right, they probably will. She scheduled an appointment soon and the injuries haven't healed. Recently, I've been trying to force her not to care; acting defiant, letting her hit me all she wants and not doing anything/trying not to react, sleeping from 6-7 on sleeping pills so that I'm not just sitting in my room for hours (that's more personal; I get very bored), other things. I've tried to go out at night, cliché teenager style, but I live somewhere where there's nothing to do by yourself, and there's only so much distance you can cover on a skateboard in less than 3 hours.
Overall, she doesn't trust me, and by this point I've stopped trying to gain it. She complains I'm not responsible, yet I don't have any responsibilities despite schoolwork. She complains I'm lazy, even though I'm not allowed out of the house (doing laps on a skateboard gets really stale..). She complains that I don't give her a reason to trust me, when she doesn't do the same.
Sure, she's my mom, and she does what she needs to do. I'm fed, I'm sheltered, I'm clothed, I have an education, but that's it. She spends more time with her boyfriend of 2 years more than me. While I'm here at my grandparents, she's at a nightclub in another state with her friends. Last week, she went to a concert with most of the people she knows. I was with my grandma. She went to visit her friend in Virginia, I was with my grandma. But, when I'm with her on weekends? She lays in bed all day, watching TV or something on her phone, smoking weed with her boyfriend (who, mind you, got her into it in the first place).
I don't know if I'm just crazy, or maybe I have reasons. I want to say something to her, but I doubt she'll listen. I'm stuck in my house and I don't have the power to change my life in it's current stage. I'll turn 18, leave the house, and then from there, figure it out. How? I don't know, but I feel really hopeless about my situation and hearing all the things my friends can do makes the situation worse.
I don't know what question I should be asking here, but I figured here was a good place to find some kind of second opinions.

Background: Highschool was quite rough for me, there were precious few reprisals but this is one of them.
There was a guy we had a stupid nickname for we called him bitchface or bitchhead or something like that in a friendly ribbing kind of way, he was part of a group I was codependent with at the time.
This guy was hugely more socially accepted at the time than myself, I will call him Bob for the sake of ease. He was stockey and had a big blond head of curls at the time.
I only found out he was dating a girl who bullied me a little but I liked her secretly a little, she was cool because she stuck up for some of the other girls in her group and she and I had a history nothing special or romantic but we had gone to primary school together and had a little history.
This dirtbag I learned around that time had supposedly slept with this girl at her house, (I didn't know they even knew one another). Good for him except apparently when he had finished he had got dressed pulled the bedding off her bed walked out of her room and threw her bedding down into the TV room his parents were in and as they yelled at him about it he yelled back at them "Scored!" As he left.
It sounds a bit extreme, I think the story may have been made up at the time but it was a tiny extra motivator, not that I needed one by that point.
Before this one of my closer friends so much so that I would call him a friend somewhat and still to this day had informed me that the reason I had no bag for like a month or more was because this bitch head guy had stole my bag during PE class and they had all wagged school together. Bitch head had dumped my schoolbag into a charity bin and I didn't get it back untill they realised it obviously wasn't supposed to be a donation. When they found it the VP at the time had the audacity to ask me to donate some money to the charity for returning my stolen property and of course bitch head got off scott free.
He had also ran up from behind me recently with one of those little biscut snack pack things you peel off the foil from and wipped sweet chilli dip in my eyes. I had to feel my way to the nearest tap with snot and tears running down my face as the entire playground laughed or threw things at me.
This is by no means a comprehensive list just some highlights. Onto the revenge fair warning, sorry it does include shit, just not my own this time.
My father worked right near by, I had a lot of afternoon detentions and they finished when he finished work so I always had an easy ride home.
I waited untill a day when we had PE class next, that particular class I remember it extremely well, I placed my bag behind a wall out of site, there were buildings obscureing the view to the oval all to my dads office door :).
Once the class was playing football or soccer or some such game I have never had interest in I made my move. Bitch heads bag was maroon, had a rounded top was not too square but I had memorised what bag was his and with a look at the IQ of 5 running the class who seemed to be switching between Claire's legs and skirt and what was going on with the ball I glanced at BH who was in the thick of it, shouldered his bag as though it was my own and ducked around the corner of the wall.
I sprinted it across and dropped it off in my dads office under a desk out of sight of the windows, my dad wasn't in at that moment. I said hi to my dads colleague out of breath, just dropping my bag off early.
I got back shouldered my bag held my breath for three breaths long enough with controlled breathing to quickly re saturate my blood with 0² and once I wasn't puffed I casually leaned back around the corner like I had been just leaning on the wall in the afternoon sun and calmly assessed that no one was the wiser.
The PE class finished and after Bitch head asked the group who had his bag, they all laughed and of course to his credit he accused me twice to my face and I stone face lied through my teeth. Somehow he seemed to believe me, I was always so meak back then very timid and never started anything or fought back often times. I have since learned that's very much a mistake almost exactly what not to do and was largely to blame for my experiences.
This one was good, I don't remember if there was another class but I remember not having afternoon detention that day and the guy asking me on the way out of achool this time emphatically and seriously pleading "nahh Cu*t seriously I know it was you I need it back it's got more than my school shit in it give it back you faggot".
he didn't know my friend had told me that it had been him responsible for my bag, I knew he wouldn't explain why without conferencing it was because he had stole mine also the way he asked the tone like the pos wanted sympathy yet at the same time insulting me because there were still people watching.
I simply said "look I am going home WITHOUT your bag on my back - so it's probably still here somewhere" and turned my back and walked away with a big grin on my face.
When my mother swung the car by I had the bag in the seat well, not on my back I carried it by the loop :) When I got home I set to it. I took everything out and took all the paperwork he had ever done all his school work and burnt it in the fire pit. I took all his text books and carefully cut out the answer pages and put some obscene graphite on the odd page of course. Jackpot a wallet! Oh pov bastard only had like 25c, no matter a drivers licence oh that must be hard to replace I am sure. I cut his driver's license library cards etc into mm chunks of plastic and tipped them into the bin, I replaced the cards with discount cards found in parking lots expired bus tickets all the junk from when I played wallet as a kid buttons and washes for change etc.
Now he bought food still there's older food scraps in the lunch box okay leave those. then I left the bag for as long as I was without a bag and it was coming up to the end of that year. After he was without a bag I told my mother what he had done and she already knew I had a bag just not who's and why.
I went outside when it was time to return the bag to him, I took his drink bottle for a walk and found the freshest shit our Sheppard had dropped that morning and carefully using a stick I flicked in a whole log without it getting on the outside of the bottle and sealed the lid with a chef's kiss gesture, perfection the bottle was not see through I think it was a footbal team bottle or something.
Everything went back into the bag empty folder schoolwork notably absent. Wallet felt and looked about the same, lunchbox was now a mould dish it had grown into the seals and plastic beyond salvation, it was glorious I waa proud of my work. My mother drove me to the park with the bag fresh turd in the bottom of the bottle couldn't be smelled at all in the car. I quickly sprinted into the middle of the park and dug a depression with a stick, anyone with a brain would have been able to tell it was a ploy and the bag hadn't been buried but I got it almost under the dirt it was brown not marone then.
I skipped back to the car no one had seen and I was happy, for once my mother was on my side with this one.
Next school day was like any other and bitchhead hit me with a branch he ripped off a tree at recess. I was beginning to think my plan hadn't worked untill lunch when a junior came to the seniors area and told BH to go to the vice principal. "SUCK SHIT" I very deliberately made that pun loudly so that everyone heard me say it to him as the group all did the usual haha your in trouble thing that young fools do with me enjoying it so much more than the others, I knew he wasn't actually in trouble.
Sure enough right at the end of lunch he came out red cheaked and really really angry stormed straight up to me and grabbed me off the ground by my shirt. This was quite extreme for him he was normally just a dick head not violent. Two of the group I was codependent on grabbed him because there was absolutely no provocation and they thought he was about to murder me.
"It was you wasn't it!" He was saying almost frothing at the mouths. I was scared so it was easy to play dumb and not laugh and I was so relieved when he then accused the quiet guy (sadly committed suicide after highschool) who was watching wide eyed. He accused the whole group one at a time. and explained what was done to the bag but left out the drink bottle, he was most upset about his licence.
I was called up to the vice principals office. I said there hadn't been another fight he was just accusing me, the VP told me that someone had buried his bag in the park and it had been found this morning. He then brought up the incident with my bag but he was a pretty dumb VP. Was that him that stole my bag that time? VP was defeated when I said the magic words and I walked out clean not a mark.
The next day as we hung out at recess bitchead called my secret informant friend over to have a private chat, this guy was probably one of the most liked and nicest guys of our group. I was watching out the corner of my eye and saw bitchhead leaning into his hands on his lap and I kept hearing "shit in my bottle" he was crying but trying not to make those loud sobbing noises just weaping and I made out the words I was looking for two more times "shit in my bottle, who" "my drink bottle, inside" "lunchbox bin" "my work gone"
I guess he didn't discover the fresh dogshit untill later, I wouldn't think he would have actually somehow managed to drink it but I love to think it would be geat if he did.
My informant friend later approached me and asked sincerely if it had been me that was responsible, I was not that nieve I told him no what happened and him tell me although he didn't disclose anynew information except that he found shit in his bottle. Oh so he does infact suck shit? I laughed him friend and I the bully bitch head was excluded from all former highschool friends pretty much immediately. My informant friend joined the armed forces for a while but decided it wasn't for him, that entire group, or those who remain are just part of a list of FB friends to this day.
TL:DR bully stole my bag and I was wothout it for a long time, I returned the favour and the bully cried to the wrong person.
Edit, spelling and grammar Nazis.

Hi all,
25, m, was just diagnosed in March. I got on mesalamine which is working amazing for me. I’ve had no issues recently at all
Unfortunately, I turn 26 in May, and will have to go off my parents’ health insurance. They have great insurance that allows me to pay $5 for a monthly supply of 120 pills of Lialda 1.2g (Mesalamine DR tablets 1.2g, white bottle with turquoise font). My current employers insurance does not cover Lialda, it covers generic mesalamine. Fine, I can switch to generic, but on top of that, it doesn’t even cover the generic fully— I’d be paying $178 a month for what is costing me $5 a month for the name brand now.
I’m really upset about this. Switching from the name brand to generic is one thing, but not even having the generic covered in full is absurd. My future insurance plan classifies drugs as preventative or non-preventative, and they consider this to be non-preventative so it is only covered in full after meeting the $1600 deductible. I really do not know what to do. I think Takeda Pharmaceuticals, which owns the Lialda I take, has a patient assistance program. All of this can’t really be taken care of until I switch to the new plan, which doesn’t help because I’m trying to do as much preparation as possible in anticipation. It almost seems as if a lot of insurance plans don’t acknowledge a difference between generic and brand name.
What should I do? For my June refill, do I ask for a 90 day supply to hold me over? Is anyone on a patient assistance program? I know goodrx has some coupons. What advice does everyone have? I’m a worrier, so I’ll think about this daily until my current insurance expires. Thanks in advance!

throwaway because this is embarrassing for me😅 all names are changed, pretty long story so bear with me
I (21f) had a group of friends in college. We were a group of 8 people (amanda, kay, tori, (all 21F) 21M kaden, 21M Alex, 25M Owen, 25M Ben).
back in 2020 when we were all first year students, amanda and I clicked instantly and talked on the phone everyday. This was during covid and our lessons were all online. Amanda and I met during orientation which was the only time we were allowed to be on campus in person. We remained close for the year, but in 2021, when we were allowed to return to campus for physical classes. she made some new friends from a sports club and gradually drifted from me. Life went on for me though, i was happy that she was happy and enjoying her time in college.
mid 2021, she became very close with Ben and I made friends with kaden. Im more of an introvert so making friends was pretty tough for me. As the year went by, nothing much happened, i was still friends with Amanda although not as close as before. She then started hanging out with Kay, Tori, Ben, Alex and Owen in a clique.
I would always be around them since I was still friends with Amanda. We were classmates and would still chat regularly to share lecture notes and stuff. I started getting closer to Kaden though, and soon Kaden and I were basically joined at the hip. We were classmates as well, and we became partners in our classes. (nothing romantic ever happened with us though)
Kaden then joined Amanda’s clique and I noticed they had a groupchat with the 7 of them inside. Amanda would tell me I was her best friend always so I felt a little hurt that i was excluded from the gc but it didnt hurt thaaat much.
One time when we (the 8 of us) were having a study session, we were bantering around during our break and i jokingly asked why I wasnt in the gc. They added me in right after. I was really happy that day.
for some context, i was bullied during high school (some rumours were spread about me, dont want to go into detail as it was a really shitty phase of my life), so being in this group of friends really made me feel like I was finally accepted by someone.
I would always buy snacks and drinks for them during our study sessions and it seemed perfect, I loved our little friend group, we went on staycations together, sleepovers etc. they were like my second family.
But as time went by and we got sorted into different classes, we drifted apart as our schedules were conflicting, and this was when everything turned sour.
Amanda, Tori, Kay, Kaden and Alex were much closer as they lived nearer to each other. They would often go to each others houses to gamble and drink. I didnt really like hanging out with them as they liked to shit on any positive thing i shared with them and it rly made me feel like shit about myself. I still tried my best to meet them often but sometimes i was too depressed or tired to head to their places so soon it became the 5 of them being closer than the rest of us.
On one of the nights that they were gambling and drinking, Amanda and Ben sent a text to the gc, saying that the group should “disband” as some of us didnt make the effort to meet up everyday. I knew they were drunk so I just ignored it but Alex sent a lengthy text to them.
The gist of it was that they should understand that we have differing schedules and commitments, not everyone wanted to drink and gamble everyday and that life wasnt a netflix teen drama movie and they ought to stop being so immature at their age. I tried to defuse the situation by saying we could meet in school but they werent having it. There was a huge argument in the gc between Amanda, Ben, Alex and Owen, Ben was basically backing her up.
It kinda gave me the ick as I also felt that it wasnt necessary to meet everyday at someone’s house when we see each other in school mon-fri 8am-6pm. the next day everyone was talking in the gc like nothing happened the night before.
the year went by and not much happened after. I drifted from the group, Kaden and I were still really close. In 2022 which was our final year, we had to do our graded internships, so we werent seeing each other in school anymore. we met up occasionally, maybe once a week.
i took a leave of absence from school that year due to mental health reasons, which meant that i would not graduate with them, my graduation was delayed by a year as i still had to complete my internship but the intake only occurs once a year.
We had a gathering that year at Ben’s house. before the gathering, Kay informed them in advance that she had to leave early and so did I as i had something on in the evening. they said ok to that.
The day of the gathering comes and the girls of the grp decided to meet for brunch before going to Ben’s house. I arrived earlier and met Amanda and Tori at the restaurant. Amanda asked me about my life since i hadnt shared much and i told them that i met a guy, things were going well, i felt like i was in a good place.
much to my surprise (not really), Amanda started shitting on me saying it wouldnt last, we wouldnt work out etc, and started talking about her new guy. I was like …ok.. i’ll just listen. she shared that this was her 4th guy in the span of 6 months. no biggie to me, date whoever you like as long as he treats you well. but then she told me she cheated on the 3 previous guys, and she was justifying it saying it was because they didnt give her enough attention, didnt take her out enough etc. i just replied with repeated “wow”s and “oh really omg”s.
by the time Kay arrived i wasnt feeling too good emotionally and physically. i felt slightly feverish and faint so i told the girls about it and headed to the washroom. Kay accompanied me and she asked me if i was ok because i looked a bit sad. i told her what Amanda had said about my new relationship and she found it quite mean of her to say that to me.
We went back to the table and Kay told them I wasnt feeling well, but i brushed it off and said it was ok. Kay then reminded them that she had to leave Ben’s place early.
As we were making our way over to his place, Ben suddenly texted Kay telling her and I to not come at all. We asked what was wrong and he said he felt that it would be rude to his parents if we came for just an hour. i think at this point kay was sick of their shit so she told Amanda to tell Ben (they became really close) that we will just make our way home now. Amanda then said it was indeed rude of us to only stay for an hour. by that time i was sweating and on the verge of passing out so i told Kay let’s just leave and settle this later.
Kay saw that i was pale and took me to get a hot drink at a cafe. i felt a little better afterwards and we hung around that cafe for an hour before going home.
when i reached home, the gc was in shambles lol. Kay and Ben were arguing back and forth and eventually she left the gc. I tried defending Kay and explaining why we had to leave early, but Ben wasnt having it. I remained in the gc though.
I texted Kaden and asked him what exactly was happening at Ben’s place but he replied “if you wanted to know you shouldve been here”. Then when i reached home, I realized i was indeed having a fever after taking my temp and i told Kaden, sorry i couldnt be there, im having a fever, to which he just said ok.
I decided not to contact them anymore afterwards. However, Owen and Tori reached out to check in on me so i kept in contact with them. the year went by uneventfully.
Fast forward to 2023, I was still with said boyfriend and ended up pregnant. I found out in early May. it was unplanned but we decided to keep him. It was a tough time as both our parents were understandably disappointed in us but were supportive in the end.
Late May, the 7 of them were graduating and i went for their graduation (just to support Kay, Tori and Owen as they were still in contact with me after the incident). Took a few photos and bought them some flowers. I told them about the pregnancy and they were very supportive of me.
July 2023, I had my wedding. it was amazing, and i invited the 3 of them. They posted some pics of my wedding on their ig and the other 4 friends saw it and were offended that i didnt invite them, but why would I.. we hadnt talked in a year and the last conversation we had was so sour.
Time passes by and I did my internship while i was pregnant. it was tough but i pulled through. 2 days before my induction date, i met my 3 friends for dinner and they wished me all the best with my delivery. Tori told me Amanda was constantly asking her if it was a shotgun marriage (i mean it was but why does she wanna know). it was a lovely dinner with them.
Now, I have the sweetest baby boy and am living comfortably with my husband with the help of our parents. I am so immensely grateful to them. Apart from PPD, my life is pretty good now.
Today, I saw on Tori’s story that she met Amanda, Ben, Kaden and Owen. The gc hasnt been active since Jan this year, so i know for sure theres a separate gc without me in it. It stings a little but its no big deal for me.
Im just worried that Tori and Owen might have showed them pictures of my boy. I feel like i’m overreacting, but I really dont want them knowing what goes on in my life, and I really dont want them seeing pictures of my son. Amanda and Ben can talk all their shit they want about me, but not about my son.
I also kinda miss feeling like i belong somewhere, but they were so toxic.
If you read the whole thing, thank you for letting me vent a little. feel free to ask for any more details.

ACT 1
The Movie opens twenty years prior to the events of the movie. A 60 year old Bruce Wayne is fighting off a group of thugs who are holding a woman hostage. Bruce fights them off but due to his old age he struggles. We do the whole bit with the gun from the original series as Bruce finally hangs up the suit.
Twenty years later we meet Terry McGinnis. He is in a wrestling match between his classmate Nelson Nash. They argue back in forth until Nash spits in Terry's face and Terry punches Nash in his. The coach yells at Terry and the match is over.
Terry goes home to his mom and his brother Matt. His mom yells at him for punching Nash. Terry reveals that his dad was murdered a year prior and that his killer still hasn't been caught. Terry storms out of the house
Terry meets up with his friend Dana who he has a crush on. They hang out at a drive in movie theater when Joker gang members show up. They start harassing Dana and Terry fights them. Soon the police show up and Terry runs off
Eventually Terry comes to Wayne manor. Bruce Wayne is on the ground outside when Terry gets there. Terry helps Bruce get back inside and gets Bruce his pills. On his way out he finds a piano and decides to try playing it. During this the wall opens up behind him.
Terry goes down to discover the batcave. He looks at the high tech bat suit and decideds to try it on. The suit changes size to fit perfectly on Terry's body. Terry knows it's wrong bur he decides to take the suit.
Meanwhile Derek Powers, CEO of Wayne-Powers is overseeing an operation involving nuclear energy. The experiment goes horribly wrong and explodes killing everyone but Powers.
On his way home Terry spots some Jokers harassing a young girl about his age with blonde hair. He puts on the suit and fights them. About halfway through the fight the suit locks up on him. He is confused and then he hears a voice in his ear. It's Bruce telling Terry he has to bring the suit back. Terry tells him to unlock the suit so he can fight the clowns. It takes some convincing but Bruce agrees. Terry takes out the Jokers. The girl says thank you and runs off.
Terry goes back to Wayne Manor to return the suit
About 30 minutes after Terry gets home there is a knock at the door. His mom calls him out. Bruce Wayne is at the door. He offers Terry an internship (AKA a chance to be Batman). Terry accepts
ACT 2
Over the next few weeks Terry fights crime in Gotham. He attracts the attention of the Jokers who he fights often.
Over those weeks Derek Powers skin starts to fall off revealing a radioactive skeleton underneath. He does his best to hide it from the public. Because of his illegal activity over the years he hires the Royal Flush gang to hunt down Batman
While out Terry meets the same girl he saved from the the Jokers on his first ever night as Batman. She introduces herself as Melanie. The two of them hit it off and Melanie asks Terry for his number
That night Bruce tells Terry the Royal Flush Gang are robbing a jewelry store. Terry rushes to the scene where he encounters 4 people dressed as playing cards as well as a massive robot. Terry trys to fight them but gets beat pretty bad. Before leaving The Jack says to him "Consider this a warning. Stay away from Powers"
The next day at school Terry and Dana are hanging out and Terry realizes how torn he is between Dana and Melanie
Terry goes to investigate Powers but he isn't in his office. Bruce let's Terry know over the coms that there is something happening at Gotham harbor
Terry arrives at Gotham Harbor to see Blight making a deal with criminals from Metropolis. Terry goes into fight Blight and once again gets his ass kicked
The next day Terry goes on a date with Melanie. They talk about what they want for their futures and they bond over not seeing eye to eye with their family. At the end of the date they share a kiss
That night Terry encounters the Royal Flush gang again. Terry once again looses but this time he recognizes one of the family's voices. 10. He realizes Melanie is a member of the Royal Flush Gang. He also learns that Blight and Powers are the same person.
The Next day Bruce decides to pay Powers a visit. Some how Powers has his skin back. They talk and threaten each other. Then Bruce leaves
ACT 3
Terry goes to Wayne-Powers to fight Powers but when he gets there the Royal Flush gang are waiting for him. He struggles to fight them. He manages to get through to Melanie. She attacks her father and tells Terry to stop Powers.
When Terry reaches Powers they fight. Batarangs and blasts of radiation fly everywhere. Blight manages to over power Terry and throws him to the ground
"You're no batman" Powers says. "You're just an angry kid who's dad was murdered."
Terry realizes that Powers knows who he is. He also realizes that it was Powers who killed his dad
Fueled by pure rage Terry manages to stand up and starts wailing on Powers
"I AM BATMAN" Terry yells as he turns the tide of the fight. An energy blast shatters one of the windows Terry holds Powers down and is about to throw him out the window. Bruce trys to stop him but Terry isn't listening. Suddenly Melanie runs in. She pleads with Terry not to kill Powers. She manages to get to him and he cuffs Powers.
"I refuse to rot in jail" Powers says as he jumps out the window to his death.
Terry takes off his mask and Melanie hugs him
Three weeks later things are going better in Terry's life. He finally has closure on what happened to his father. Yet he still feels conflicted. He is the sole protecter of Gotham and is dealing with normal teenage issues as well. School, bullys, not to mention the fact that he is conflicted between Melanie and Dana.
Terry meets up with Dana. Despite the fact that he is dating Melanie he doesn't let that stop him from being friends with Dana. They talk when he gets a call from Bruce. A villan named Inque is breaking into a laboratory to steal some equipment. We cut to Terry flying through the sky's of Gotham ready to fight Inque
Post credit scene
Two men are talking. One mentions a plan to improve the human race. The other man asks how he plans to do so. The first man hands him a business card and tells him to give him a call then walks away. The second man looks at the card that reads "Chimera Institute"
It took me a lot of effort to write this. I know some of the dialog is bad but that is mostly place holder dialog. I really hope you guys like it and maybe I will make a sequel later on

ACT 1
The Movie opens twenty years prior to the events of the movie. A 60 year old Bruce Wayne is fighting off a group of thugs who are holding a woman hostage. Bruce fights them off but due to his old age he struggles. We do the whole bit with the gun from the original series as Bruce finally hangs up the suit.
Twenty years later we meet Terry McGinnis. He is in a wrestling match between his classmate Nelson Nash. They argue back in forth until Nash spits in Terry's face and Terry punches Nash in his. The coach yells at Terry and the match is over.
Terry goes home to his mom and his brother Matt. His mom yells at him for punching Nash. Terry reveals that his dad was murdered a year prior and that his killer still hasn't been caught. Terry storms out of the house
Terry meets up with his friend Dana who he has a crush on. They hang out at a drive in movie theater when Joker gang members show up. They start harassing Dana and Terry fights them. Soon the police show up and Terry runs off
Eventually Terry comes to Wayne manor. Bruce Wayne is on the ground outside when Terry gets there. Terry helps Bruce get back inside and gets Bruce his pills. On his way out he finds a piano and decides to try playing it. During this the wall opens up behind him.
Terry goes down to discover the batcave. He looks at the high tech bat suit and decideds to try it on. The suit changes size to fit perfectly on Terry's body. Terry knows it's wrong bur he decides to take the suit.
Meanwhile Derek Powers, CEO of Wayne-Powers is overseeing an operation involving nuclear energy. The experiment goes horribly wrong and explodes killing everyone but Powers.
On his way home Terry spots some Jokers harassing a young girl about his age with blonde hair. He puts on the suit and fights them. About halfway through the fight the suit locks up on him. He is confused and then he hears a voice in his ear. It's Bruce telling Terry he has to bring the suit back. Terry tells him to unlock the suit so he can fight the clowns. It takes some convincing but Bruce agrees. Terry takes out the Jokers. The girl says thank you and runs off.
Terry goes back to Wayne Manor to return the suit
About 30 minutes after Terry gets home there is a knock at the door. His mom calls him out. Bruce Wayne is at the door. He offers Terry an internship (AKA a chance to be Batman). Terry accepts
ACT 2
Over the next few weeks Terry fights crime in Gotham. He attracts the attention of the Jokers who he fights often.
Over those weeks Derek Powers skin starts to fall off revealing a radioactive skeleton underneath. He does his best to hide it from the public. Because of his illegal activity over the years he hires the Royal Flush gang to hunt down Batman
While out Terry meets the same girl he saved from the the Jokers on his first ever night as Batman. She introduces herself as Melanie. The two of them hit it off and Melanie asks Terry for his number
That night Bruce tells Terry the Royal Flush Gang are robbing a jewelry store. Terry rushes to the scene where he encounters 4 people dressed as playing cards as well as a massive robot. Terry trys to fight them but gets beat pretty bad. Before leaving The Jack says to him "Consider this a warning. Stay away from Powers"
The next day at school Terry and Dana are hanging out and Terry realizes how torn he is between Dana and Melanie
Terry goes to investigate Powers but he isn't in his office. Bruce let's Terry know over the coms that there is something happening at Gotham harbor
Terry arrives at Gotham Harbor to see Blight making a deal with criminals from Metropolis. Terry goes into fight Blight and once again gets his ass kicked
The next day Terry goes on a date with Melanie. They talk about what they want for their futures and they bond over not seeing eye to eye with their family. At the end of the date they share a kiss
That night Terry encounters the Royal Flush gang again. Terry once again looses but this time he recognizes one of the family's voices. 10. He realizes Melanie is a member of the Royal Flush Gang. He also learns that Blight and Powers are the same person.
The Next day Bruce decides to pay Powers a visit. Some how Powers has his skin back. They talk and threaten each other. Then Bruce leaves
ACT 3
Terry goes to Wayne-Powers to fight Powers but when he gets there the Royal Flush gang are waiting for him. He struggles to fight them. He manages to get through to Melanie. She attacks her father and tells Terry to stop Powers.
When Terry reaches Powers they fight. Batarangs and blasts of radiation fly everywhere. Blight manages to over power Terry and throws him to the ground
"You're no batman" Powers says. "You're just an angry kid who's dad was murdered."
Terry realizes that Powers knows who he is. He also realizes that it was Powers who killed his dad
Fueled by pure rage Terry manages to stand up and starts wailing on Powers
"I AM BATMAN" Terry yells as he turns the tide of the fight. An energy blast shatters one of the windows Terry holds Powers down and is about to throw him out the window. Bruce trys to stop him but Terry isn't listening. Suddenly Melanie runs in. She pleads with Terry not to kill Powers. She manages to get to him and he cuffs Powers.
"I refuse to rot in jail" Powers says as he jumps out the window to his death.
Terry takes off his mask and Melanie hugs him
Three weeks later things are going better in Terry's life. He finally has closure on what happened to his father. Yet he still feels conflicted. He is the sole protecter of Gotham and is dealing with normal teenage issues as well. School, bullys, not to mention the fact that he is conflicted between Melanie and Dana.
Terry meets up with Dana. Despite the fact that he is dating Melanie he doesn't let that stop him from being friends with Dana. They talk when he gets a call from Bruce. A villan named Inque is breaking into a laboratory to steal some equipment. We cut to Terry flying through the sky's of Gotham ready to fight Inque
Post credit scene
Two men are talking. One mentions a plan to improve the human race. The other man asks how he plans to do so. The first man hands him a business card and tells him to give him a call then walks away. The second man looks at the card that reads "Chimera Institute"
It took me a lot of effort to write this. I know some of the dialog is bad but that is mostly place holder dialog. I really hope you guys like it and maybe I will make a sequel later on

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/ThrowRAIndecisiveHus posting in relationship_advice and TrueOffMyChest
Concluded as per OOP
2 updates - Long
Original - 3rd April 2023
Update 1 - 10 November 2024
Update 2 - 11th March 2024
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1 New Update
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Thanks to u/snarkaluff for finding this update
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Husband responds - 22nd April 2024
Husband OOP is u/ThrowRAIdontevenk
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My (23F) husband (25M) asked for a divorce, then changed his mind hours later
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Background: we've been together for two years, married for one. We're both in our early twenties.
The night of the bullshit we'd had an argument about the distribution of chores that I think triggered it. I thought it wasn't fair that I was doing the majority of the housework, on top of being a full time student at university and having a job. He seemed to think the chore distribution was fair and that I was overreacting. We came to a solution after all the bullshit I'm about to tell you about occurred, but essentially I was feeling overwhelmed and unheard and he was feeling stressed and confused as to why I thought this was a problem.
Later that night we're discussing the situation again, and I express how it feels like he's not listening to me and how distant he's been lately. Then he says there's a reason for the distance and I ask him to tell me why. He says that he thinks we moved too fast, he doesn't know who he is, and he wants a divorce. He says he cares about me, but doesn't love me. And that he's been feeling this way for a while.
Now, I've promised myself since years ago that I would never try to make someone stay with me if they don't want to. So, as much as this hurt, I said okay. I cried, he cried. I did ask if he wanted to try couples therapy before divorcing but he said no. We decided to sort out details in the morning, I grabbed some blankets to sleep on the couch and he went upstairs to bed.
In the midst of my sitting on the couch crying and looking up apartments, what felt like hours later, I hear him get up and come to the living room. He sits down next to me and just says "I fucked up so bad".
I freeze when I hear this, because I've barely processed the reality of what just happened and I can already see where he's going next. I ask him to elaborate and he says he doesn't want a divorce, that he doesn't know why he said that and he's feeling the most regret he's ever experienced in his life. He says that he realizes he fucked up and I don't have to take him back.
At this point I've experienced so much emotional whiplash that I've completely numbed out. I'd already cried all the tears I could. Now was just sitting there next to my sobbing husband and saying I'd take him back even though I'd barely processed the fact that he'd wanted to divorce me. I told him I wanted couples counseling and for him to get individual therapy and he agreed. I've asked him about individual therapy in the past but he never wanted to until now.
It's days later now. I've gone through all the stages of being mad at him, depressed that my marriage almost ended, insecure about myself, accepting the reality, feeling love for him, feeling numb. Cycling through all these emotions over and over again at random. We're searching for a couples counselor but a lot of them have wait-list right now. So in the meantime I just want to know, if anyone has been in a similar situation: does it get better? Does the trust ever come back? I feel like I can't trust him at all now. When he touches me I freak out sometimes because that's not the comforting feeling I'm used to when he touches me, it's the feeling like he's suffocating me.
I want to be here for him and help him through whatever mental shit he's going through. But this has been affecting my work and my school, I left my dream school for him. I can't just keep prioritizing him above everything else when he clearly doesn't do the same for me. And yet until now he was doing the same for me, he's always been so sweet buying me flowers making dinner going out of his way to make time for us. And before you scream abuse please know I've been in abusive relationships before and they felt nothing like this. He's not like those guys this is the first time he's ever done something like this. I just don't know how we can recover. Any advice about how to get through this would be appreciated.
Tl;Dr: husband asked for a divorce then changed his mind hours later. I don't know how to ever trust him again
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Comments
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pbd1996
Personally, I think you need to be single and work on yourself. If you got married a year into your relationship, that means you were engaged within just a few months of knowing him. Now you’re sobbing over this man and taking him back in the same breath/two hours after he said it was over. Also, just because he regrets what he said doesn’t mean he didn’t mean it. There was definitely truth behind his statement “we got married too fast.” There seems to be a lot of co-dependency in this relationship on both sides.

OOP: I think you might be right, it really fucking hurts..

OboesRule
Yep, it will hurt, but it won’t be forever. You need to focus on you, he needs to grow up more.
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Unfair_Finger5531
In my experience, if he will do that once, he’ll do it again and again and again.
hideousfox
Yeah dude pulls divorce when confronted about CHORES.
PatchEnd

• "hubby will you take out the trash?"
• "screw you, DIVORCE ME!"
• "hubby will you pick the kid up from day care?"
• "screw you, DIVORCE ME!"

yeah....i can see ol'boy dropping divorce for everything! You don't drop divorce until the last possible breaking point.
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I feel trapped in my marriage and I can't tell anyone - 8 months later
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Eight months ago my (23F) husband (25M) asked for a divorce, then changed his mind hours later. We went to couples therapy and individual therapy (though he quit his individual therapy after just a couple sessions claiming he'd look for a new therapist and never did). We've worked through a lot of our issues, we've become better partners to each other. But despite all our improvements my mind keeps going back to that moment.
I find myself constantly monitoring his emotions, looking into his eyes to try to see if he's still in there or if they're vacant like they were that day. I completely shut down around his friends because I saw the text conversation he had with his best friend the day of and how they shit talked me. My husband swears his best friend doesn't hate me but I don't believe him. I live my life in constant fear that today is going to be the day he changes his mind again and leaves me. I've become obsessive about saving money in my personal account so that if he does leave I'll be okay. I find myself apologizing for everything, making myself small. I hate this version of myself. I feel like a coward.
Last night we had a fight about it because I asked for reassurance and he got upset. He said he's been trying so hard but that no matter what he does it feels like it will never be good enough. And honestly, he might be right. He really has been trying so hard and has been such a good partner these past few months, but I can't get what he did out of my head.
I've tried to explain so many times in so many ways how much what he did hurt me and how it's going to take time to heal. His response last night, "good people make mistakes, get over it". So I decided that the pain of bringing it up again and again and hurting him in the process wasn't worth it. I told him I'd stop talking about it and try to forgive him. I feel like I've just made the ultimate betrayal to myself.
I stopped individual therapy a bit ago to save money, but the combination of last night plus the fact that I feel compelled to post on reddit about this probably means I should go back. I fantasize about going back to my dream school, running away, just leaving all of this behind. I hate that I gave up my dream life for a man who maybe doesn't even want me and that I'm stuck playing the part of the good quiet wife who shuts up for the sake of protecting his image. I hate what I've become. It's hard to see a way out.
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DrunkenSnorlax
So, what I'm reading here, is that though your husband has done so much work and improved so much for his marriage... He cannot consider your side of.. The marriage. Because a marriage is between two people, two partners, it takes more than just one side. It doesn't sound like he's improved as much as he thinks he has. If he cannot be assed to have a conversation with you about it, that's where the bar is for your marriage. Especially after he instigated this crater in the road and has 'worked to fix it.'

OOP: To be fair to him, it's probably hard for him to feel like he can't fix what he did. I'm not the only one hurting in this. I keep trying to talk about it with him to try to work on fixing it, but it just seems to make him upset and he says it doesn't help anything.

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Update - 1 year later from original post
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One year ago I (24F) made this post asking for advice on how to continue with my relationship after my (now-ex) husband (26M) betrayed my trust by telling me he wanted a divorce out of the blue and then changing his mind just a couple hours later.
As stated above, he is now my ex. Those of you who said that he would repeat the same behavior again, you were right. On New Years Day 2024 he said he wanted a divorce, packed a bag and left to a motel, then came back hours later. I'll admit, I was a wreck that day. I asked him if this was just going to be like last time and he said no. I asked him if he felt mentally okay and he said he felt fine. I got on my knees and begged this man to stay (not my proudest moment) and he looked at me with empty, vacant eyes and just left.
I was in tears for a couple hours, but then I opened this app to try to distract myself and saw he had made a (now-deleted please don't go looking for his account) post on the divorce subreddit about how he left me and felt bad but didn't regret it. Then I went from depressed to furious. I called my landlord and told him that I was getting a divorce and needed his help in changing the locks. My landlord was very understanding and helped me do so.
A few hours later I heard a knock on the door and when I opened it my ex-husband was standing there, I didn't even get a chance to tell him to leave because he immediately collapsed into my arms sobbing. The first coherent words to come out of his mouth were "you're not gonna take me back are you?"
Reddit, I would love to say that I rejected him right then, but I didn't. Even after all of this I was still hooked into his web of manipulation. So instead I sat down with him and had a long discussion about how much he hurt me, how in the middle of working to rebuild the trust that had been broken between us he completely destroyed any progress that had been made and found a way to make that distrust even worse. I don't remember the details of what he said, but he always knew what to say to get me to feel sorry for him.
The night ended with me saying I would take him back. He was smiling, saying he'd never felt so hopeful, he wrote me a love poem that night for the first time in years. Meanwhile I had never felt so broken, and I told him that after he said he felt so hopeful. He shrugged it off and said I'd feel better in the morning. I did not, in fact, feel better in the morning.
During the next few days while I was trying to pick myself back up, study for finals, and continue going to work as if nothing was wrong, he went back and forth every day on whether or not he loved me, whether or not he wanted to be married to me. He said he thought he loved the idea of being a husband more than he loved me.
My last straw was when I reached out to one of his childhood friends, who I had interacted with a few times and though I could trust to be honest with me, and asked him if he had ever noticed any red flags in my ex-husband's behavior in his past relationships or behavior towards women in general.
This friend assured me that he had never noticed anything of the sort. I thanked him and asked if he could please not tell ex-husband I asked that since I was afraid of what he might do. When my ex-husband came home from work that day I could immediately tell he knew. He opened the front door so forcefully.
He sat down on the couch next to me, told me he knew, and said in a low and almost growling tone of voice "But I know you didn't mean any harm by it". I was frozen in fear and couldn't say anything, but then he grabbed my face and turned my head to look at him and his eyes looked so cold, and he said again "You didn't mean any harm by it right?". I nodded and forced myself to answer "right".
And I knew in that moment this man would kill me if I didn't find a way out of this relationship, if I didn't kill myself first with how bad my mental health was getting after dealing with him insulting and belittling me day after day. I was genuinely starting to spiral into a dark place I hadn't been to in years.
The next day while he was at work I packed a bag, wrote a note telling him I'm leaving and that I want his stuff out of the house when I get back, left the note on the counter with my ring and spent the night at my mom's.
It is an uncontested divorce, filing by mail, and should be finalized in April. I started the paperwork at my mom's house that first night of separation.
Since ending my relationship I have gone to therapy and realized just how abusive and manipulative my ex-husband was. I also understand how broken he is, but being mentally unwell is not an excuse for abusive behavior. What he did to me was abuse and I'm not afraid to say that anymore. I have reconnected with old friends and made new ones.
I have started doing things that I love again, things he never wanted me to do like wearing red lipstick or eating mint-flavored things and going to concerts. I've realized I never want to be married again. I've discovered my polyamorous identity and have begun to explore this side of myself. I have plans to move out of my hated hometown that he had dragged me back to. I feel so much more joy, freedom, and self-love than I ever did when I was in a relationship with my ex-husband.
I won't be using this account anymore after this, as I have no need to. But I want to thank this community and the other reddit subs that I've participated in. If I had never made my original post I don't think I would have realized just how awfully my ex-husband treated me. Thanks to the support of hundreds of voices telling me I deserved better, I realized how true that statement was. I deserve better, and now I have better.
I also want this update to be a beacon of hope to anyone who has found themselves in a similarly emotionally/verbally abusive situation: life is so much better when you leave. There is hope, there is light on the other side of the pain.
Thank you again Reddit. I am finally free.
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Comments
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indiajeweljax
That friend of his a fucking low-down dirty scoundrel. I’m so glad you’re out of this situation. And how exhausting is your ex? It’s so weak and pathetic, breaking up and getting back together day after day. I wish him the life he deserves.
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zidey
I'm gonna maybe say something that might sound wrong but bare with me. The friend did OP a MASSIVE favour. If he hadn't told the ex husband she called, it may have been a while before OP saw that scary side of the ex and for all we know he may later down the line have snapped and hurt her, this way she saw it and got out physically unharmed.
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Material-Paint6281
Damn, it looks like you've joined the "He's not abusive" to "Update: He is abusive" club. I'm glad you're free now. Hope you have a great life.
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**New Update*\*
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Husband's response - 1 month later
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I know I'll probably come off as the villain but I need to get this out. I destroyed my marriage and I still don't even know why.
I'm in my twenties, so is my ex-wife. We had this fast summer romance, it was my first relationship that ever got serious. She wanted to go to college in another country, and I didn't want to lose her so I said I'd go with her. Maybe that's where I first fucked up. Turns out getting a work visa when you don't know the language is pretty much impossible, and so the only way I could go with her was if we got married. She asked if I would marry her, and I said yes. At the time I thought we would be getting married someday anyways, so why not shorten the timeline a bit. I really did love her, I want to emphasize this because my actions later on admittedly did not reflect that. We had a small wedding, I've never been one for fancy things and she said she'd rather spend the money on our future than some elaborate party.
She spent months searching for an apartment for us in the country she'd be studying in but ultimately we had to decide on her going alone first when the school year started and me staying in our home country while she continued to search for a place for us to stay. This was rough, and honestly I couldn't stop imagining her finding someone new or going out to college parties the way all the movies show and finding someone she wanted more than me. It's always been an insecurity of mine, especially because she's bi and some things she'd say sometimes made me wonder if she'd like being with a woman more.
Long story short she ended up getting sick and we decided she should come back home and continue her studies here. She got really depressed after coming back home. She didn't want to go out because she didn't want to run into people we knew, she felt like she'd failed in her goals. I tried to help her get back on her feet, but she was just so in her head and I just couldn't stand it sometimes. Something had shifted then. She got angry with me a lot, we'd get into fights and I hated it because I'm not a person who gets angry, ever. She said I didn't do my fair share of chores, got upset whenever I'd spend too much time gaming and not enough attention on her, it was like I had to be this perfect picture of me she had in her head otherwise I was a monster.
One night it got really bad. I had said I was going to do the dishes and I honestly just forgot, I was going to do them after one more round of COD with the boys but I forgot and as we were going to bed she turned and saw the dishes in the sink and started screaming at me. I was already tired and I had work in the morning and honestly couldn't be bothered. She stomped downstairs and did them and I'm pretty sure she intentionally made as much noise as possible so I couldn't even sleep until she was done.
The next day while I was at work I decided I was done, it was like some sort of switch just flipped in my brain. I didn't want to go on being treated like this, I'd seen this kind of stuff play out with my own parents and I didn't want to be miserable like them. So when I got home I sat her down and told her I wanted a divorce. She seemed surprised which I thought was strange because from my end it seemed like we were both unhappy. She took it pretty well though, we had a long conversation about our feelings and stuff and decided that I'd take the bed and she'd take the couch and we'd sort out details in the morning. She asked if I was sure, if I wanted to try therapy first, and I was so sure that this was what I wanted. It was rough, laying upstairs in our bed I was still able to hear her sobbing, but I was so sure this was what was best for both of us.
Then I don't even know how to describe it, it was like a switch flipped in my head again and I started imagining what my life would be like without her, the morning coffees and kisses, the way she always remembered my birthday (my family forgets every year), her constant encouragement, seeing her smile, then my mind flashed to how broken she looked when I told her we were done and I cannot even begin to describe the stab in the heart I felt when I realized I had just hurt the person I loved most in this world. I knew I couldn't live without her, and I'd do anything to make her smile again.
So I went downstairs, it was still late at night I don't know how much time had passed, and watched her try to wipe away her tears and try to look put together as I sat down next to her. I didn't even know what to say. The first thing I could think of was "I fucked up so bad". She set down her laptop and I saw it was open to some apartment search site. She asked me what I meant and I told her I still loved her, that I didn't know why I said everything that I did and I don't deserve any sort of forgiveness but could we please try again. And this saint of a woman held me in her arms as I broke down crying and forgave me. She said she wanted couples therapy which I instantly agreed to, I would have agreed to anything she wanted if it meant staying together.
The next day was rough, she was starting her new job (I had terrible timing I know), and she wouldn't even undress in front of me, she went into the bathroom to change clothes. There was no kiss goodbye before work, no kiss hello after, she wouldn't even look me in the eyes. This went on for a while. It was a full week before she let me have sex with her. And things did slowly start to get better. But she was never fully the same. The fun loving woman I fell in love with was gone, it's like the light in her eyes had gone out. I tried everything I could, I went to the therapy sessions, I bought her flowers, planned date nights, went out of my way to get her favorite chocolate, listened to the books she wanted about emotional labor and I even created a chore chart so the housework could even out. And some days she'd be fine but there were a lot of nights when I'd wake up to hear her crying in bed next to me.
If I tried to comfort her she'd just push me away and say she was fine, so at some point I stopped trying and just lay there and listen to her trying to stifle her sobs and wonder how many nights she was doing this. Other times she'd get angry, any mistake I made she'd always find a way to tie it back to how I "abandoned" her. It was like nothing I could ever do would be enough, I'd always be the monster who made her feel unloved. One of the worst gut punches was when I realized she'd changed her phone background from a photo of us to a bunch of photos of her friends. I asked her why she changed it and she said she just felt like it. My background stayed as a picture of her until the very last day.
After months of this back and forth trying to please her, and one too many nights of listening to her crying in bed, I looked through her phone and saw something she'd written about how she felt trapped in our marriage. The next day I told her I wanted a divorce, that I knew she was unhappy and I was too and this is what was best for both of us. I went further this time, packed a bag and went to a hotel, turned off my location. She acted different this time. The first time she was calm, self-assured, said she wasn't going to beg for me. But this time was different, she was hysterical, literally got on her knees begging me to stay. It was really unlike her, I was honestly a little worried for her safety. But I left anyways. Hopped online, told the boys it was over, tried to distract myself with gaming because it's the only thing that keeps me sane. Eventually I logged off and just lay in the hotel bed listening to music trying to fall asleep, and a song came on that meant something to our relationship and it was like something broke in me, I couldn't stop crying.
​
I ran to the car and drove back home sobbing and speeding I'm not sure how I didn't crash. When I got there I tried to unlock the door and the key wouldn't fit, she'd changed the locks already. I had to knock on the door of my own home and the waiting seemed to last forever. I know it sounds pathetic but as soon as she opened the door i just collapsed into her, I was crying so much I nearly hyperventilated. She was standing really still, she didn't say anything and her arms were flat by her side and I could tell she wasn't going to take me back his time. After I pulled myself together I saw a bunch of trash bags by the table and knew it was probably my things. I asked her if she'd take me back, she hesitated for a while before saying she'd have to think about it. We had a long talk, a good talk, about our whole relationship and everything that had happened. Somehow I managed to convince her that we could give another try. I had gone from feeling so empty that morning to feeling so hopeful by the nighttime, I felt like this time really would be different, I started writing again, she even let me have sex with her that night rather than waiting a week like last time. She said she felt broken and was saying some scary shit about wanting to kill herself but she's always been a bit melodramatic so I knew she'd come around. I fell asleep dreaming of a better life for us.
But the next few days were hell. I woke up realizing that after I'd fallen asleep she'd put her clothes back on and slept on the floor. She would barely eat, everything she did seemed robotic, and every night I'd have to pull her away from the knives and pills because she kept saying things about how she didn't want to live. One night it got really bad, she was crying in bed as usual and when I asked her what was wrong she started begging me to kill her, saying I was a coward for "killing her soul and leaving her body here to suffer". I was really scared for both of us. I managed to talk her down somehow, and the next morning I came home to a note on the counter saying she was staying at her mother's and she wanted me out of here by the weeks end. She left her ring on the note so I knew she was serious, and honestly I was just glad it wasn't a suicide note. So I took the rest of my things and left.
We've interacted a few times since then to get papers sorted, and now the divorce is final. From what I can tell she seems happy, I guess she's moving soon and maybe has a new guy I can't tell, I try not to look at her things.
For the life of me I can't figure out why I did it. She's telling people I was abusive, maybe I was. My father seems to think I'm in the right which makes me feel icky because he's a misogynist prick. I loved her, I really did. And I'm starting to realize just how much she did for me. My apartment's a mess without her, my life's a mess I keep forgetting shit because she's not here to remind me, I have a toothache but keep forgetting to make an appointment because she was always the one to do that and I don't even think I have dental insurance anyways, I miss my dog, I miss her, I miss having someone to come home and vent to and she was always so understanding of me. I took her for granted. And now she's off to some foreign country probably fucking her ex or something and I'm stuck here away from my family and friends working my ass off in a 9-5 with nothing to show for it.
​
Comments
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taorthoaita
So, you were shite with chores, don’t know if you have dental insurance, and can’t make your own appointments. You played with ‘the boys’ on video games, which would normally be fine, except it sounds like you made her into your mother so you sound like an immature teen that needs to be told to get off his ass to contribute to the house.
lesliecarbone

"I have a toothache but keep forgetting to make an appointment because she was always the one to do that and I don't even think I have dental insurance anyways"

It's a beautiful thing when weaponized incompetence backfires.
Few-Ad5700
Lol so you move out and your apartment is a mess and you're incapable of making your own dentist appointments? Sounds like she dodged a bullet. She'll be thriving without having to babysit her "partner".
​

Husband OOP: I want to point out that I did start contributing more after she told me. I just didn't realize how much she was doing.

​
I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

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Gojid Refugee Patreon Subreddit Discord Paperback NOP2 Species Lore
---
Memory Transcription Subject: Tassi, Bissem Alien Liaison
Date [standardized human time]: June 20, 2160
The Sapient Coalition’s scouting party outside their space hadn’t paid dividends so far; it’d been combing potentially habitable worlds for any clues, while also searching for an opportune place to set up a listening post. If there was one thing that this incident proved, it was the value of having eyes and ears even beyond their area of official control. General Naltor had suddenly begun turning up to the SC meetings, ever since Loxsel’s appearance; the Selmer military man was bored witless, as the first few candidate worlds showed no signs of intelligent life. He’d wanted to glean info about any species that would threaten another, not talk about worker safety standards.
It was about seven days of travel time from the Paltan-human outpost they’d launched from, and several vessels were sweeping outward in a gradual search pattern; more ships were being ferried from our locale to replace their presence at the border. I supposed the Terrans wanted to be playing with a full deck, knowing the full geopolitical scene before tearing off toward the site of the Sivkit incursion. For all we were aware, it could be a sacred system they were sworn to protect, or a hotly-contested outpost for an external war. I still thought it cowardice to fire on civilian ships, just as Naltor had frowned upon Zalk for mishandling a captured Dustin. However, I wanted all the facts before rendering judgment.
The last thing our allies need is to go in guns blazing, and tear through another party’s territory, causing this to balloon even further. An advanced race like the one that mopped up the Sivkit ships with petrifying precision could have military resources further out to stop us, and they might be on high alert, too. We should proceed with caution.
When the Coalition assemblage convened at an off-hour, we all hoped that a planet they’d landed on had offered up answers. By the time I’d hustled into the Bissem section of the hall, lagging behind the longer-legged Naltor and Zalk, Secretary-General Kuemper had already cast a live feed from a research vessel onto the screen. It was taking readings from an icy globe below, with temperatures that, once converted into Ivranan units, would make even a hearty Selmer like Naltor shiver. The planet was near-totally white in coloration, with only the slightest specks of blue or brown. Hirs, I’d freeze my feathers off down there! This world had dismal prospects of hosting life, but some biomarkers detected by the SC team must have added this celestial body to their sweep.
“Hello, Dr. Rosario. I believe most of the Coalition representatives are present, so shall we brief them on the mission?” Kuemper asked.
“Gladly. I’m Dr. Sara Rosario, and if you haven’t been living under a rock for the past two decades, my qualifications speak for themselves. I have a track record of pushing the boundaries of science on new frontiers.” A human with a curly white mane and glasses cleared her throat, sitting in a lab on a spaceship. Her image was a small box in the corner of the screen, between the alternating viewport angles. “At any rate, we’re in an orbital holding pattern above this body. We’ve been in touch with UN command, and we’re conducting planetary surveys from scientific research vessels. This world is quite interesting; there’s derelict space infrastructure, as you can see on Feed B.”
Sara swiped some button on her holographic display, ensuring that the rotation skipped to dormant stations…with a suspicious lack of satellites. Any society that was spacefaring would have some sort of comm buoys or satellites, unless they discovered some higher tier of technology. If they had been destroyed, that would leave debris; however, this left the impression that such tech had either been scooped up by someone else, or vaporized without a trace. Perhaps I was way off in my assumptions, but those thoughts sent a chill down my feathers. I could see Naltor’s eyes hardening and his beak setting as well.
“It’s apparent that this world was inhabited, and was either occupied by, or native to a spacefaring race. I use the past tense because we’ve been unable to detect any life signatures, active signals, or industrial byproducts of any kind,” Dr. Rosario continued, worry lines creasing her temples. “I fear that someone eliminated the resident species from above, though I cannot confirm this. There are several context clues that lead me to believe this was no inside job. For starters, it’s too neat.”
Angren ambassador Panni stood, clearing her throat. “How do we know that, since they’re spacefaring, they didn’t choose to leave of their own volition? Look how inhospitable their world is!”
“With all due respect to the Angren Matriarchy, your world, Wesk, is on the fringes of the habitable zone on the opposite end of the spectrum, and you haven’t packed up shop. It’s harsh by most species’ standards, but it’s part of who you are. As the Sivkits show, very few species forsake their homeworld by choice, whatever the official story might be.”
“But isn’t it possible?” Tierkel Rockchief Tirinmo rose his staff into the air to call for attention; his thickset body was covered in gray fur, and his cublike ears twitching with importance. “Humanity should know that there’s always a few exceptions. For a spacefaring species, it’s strange that there wouldn’t be any signs of an overhead battle, if this was a forced exodus. That, or it’s possible that the planet snuffed out all plant growth with its icy maelstrom.”
Sara chuckled. “We’re not ruling out any possibilities; I’m just leading with my best hypothesis based on the available data. It doesn’t surprise me that a species that lives in the desert, and needs to bask in the sun for your wellbeing, would also imagine that you’d want to leave this planet at the first opportunity. I’m sure they’d think the same of your climate, so let’s try not to inject our own biases.”
“I apologize if I was. I just don’t want to be like the Federation, and leap to the worst assumptions. There isn’t any concrete evidence that this was a forced exit.”
“Quite right, Rockchief. We’ll go wherever the science leads, and hearing other theories doesn’t hurt; the last thing we want is to get tunnel vision. We’re sending drones for a closer look, to gather images of the planet’s surface, and also to see if there’s any data or other clues we can extract aboard the stations.”
“Dr. Rosario, why aren’t you imaging the planet from your current location? It’s much safer and efficient, and it’s how these things have always been done,” Mazic President Quipa trumpeted.
The human scientist sighed. “We used the vessel’s onboard Synthetic Aperture Radar to map the ground features, but we’re mostly just detecting snow and ice. The atmosphere is too thick and the snowstorms too ferocious to gather other kinds of images. There clearly was a civilization that utilized this world; there’s the occasional disturbance that suggests sapient activity at some point. However, I’d wager they made their dwellings underground, where only a drone can get a clearer picture.”
“What does this have to do with the attack on the Sivkits?” Verin ambassador Hrone queried; a distant memory popped up in my mind, that they’d created the old telescopes and lenses the Federation used to seek out new life. This SAR was likely replacing their additions to the Coalition, which might’ve accounted for the hint of disdain. “I don’t see why we’re investigating this.”
“We don’t know if this world is related at all, but we’re poking around in the neighboring bubble for context,” Kuemper provided the response, rather than Sara Rosario. “If this is a force with a habit of killing other spacefaring species, we have a mandate to nip it in the bud, before they crash our borders. We should’ve cataloged any potential threats skirting our borders long ago, but we’ve had too many problems inside of them.”
Naltor bobbed his beak in agreement, and I brooded within my own thoughts in quiet contemplation. I’d be much happier to side with Panni and Tirinmo’s theories, about abandoning the planet or dying of natural causes; however, my gut instinct when I first saw the absence of satellites told a different story. This was yet another species that had lost its homeworld, just like Haliska’s species, and had been the victim of interstellar despots. Was there zero kindness in the stars, aside from the outstretched hands of the humans? As for the connection, it had to be someone who could best a spacefaring civilization, and mop up the scene without a trace.
There’s no guarantee that it’s related; for all we know, the Sivkits were fired upon because their attackers thought they were with whoever destroyed this ice world. It might be more complex…or it could just be that their aggressors are genocidal maniacs. Perhaps Sara will find more clues.
A new feed shifted onto the screen, taking front and center. A research drone had reached a site of a presumed settlement, poking around with ground-penetrating radar for signs of civilization. Gasps reverberated throughout the vaulting hall, as we realized the image that had been cobbled together. Beneath years of snow, there was crater impact after crater impact—as though to make sure that nobody had survived an orbital bombardment. Debris was visible of what seemed to be collapsed shelters, entombing the souls within. A few skeletal remains were visible, bodies preserved in ice that had dodged immediate vaporization.
There was no question that this was an outside job, with some outside party blanketing the surface with bombs. Sara’s eyebrows had knitted together, horrified by what she was seeing. The stream silently switched over to the automaton sifting through a station. It seemed like someone had staged the scene to look like this species were fighting each other, arranging their bodies in each other’s directions with claws specifically curled around guns. Had they expected us not to question this, when there were zero signs of dried blood? The drone zoomed in on their craniums…zooming in on binocular eyes.
“I think we all just saw with our own eyes that alien visitors wiped them off the map. Who would go to all this trouble to hide their own involvement; to paint a picture that they’d killed each other?” Sara demanded. “Please tell me this isn’t what it looks like. Another extraterrestrial race hellbent on exterminating a predator species, just for their eye placement?
Zalk rose from his seat, an agitated look in his eyes. “Are these the ghost exterminators who attacked Alsh? They have the blood of these beings, and millions of innocent Tseia, on their flippers! If we’re chasing those monsters, we have to make them pay!”
“Unlikely,” Kuemper interjected. “That is a lot of antimatter to have at their disposal, and…if exterminators had the power to ambush an entire planet, since this spacefaring species seems to have been caught oddly unaware, then they’d have come for us already. The fleet that did this must be powerful, massive, and capable of an impressive cleanup operation.”
Naltor hesitated, before standing up alongside the Tseia. “Apologies for the interruption, but I must ask. If these aggressors target predators, would we be a prime target?”
“And why target the Sivkits? How do we know it has anything to do with Federation ideology?” I chimed in, supporting my comrades.
“Bissem delegation, you ask valid questions, but I’m afraid we have no answers at this time. What we know is what you’re seeing live,” the Secretary-General responded. “Rest assured, we’ll protect all allies and independent powers within the Coalition’s sphere of influence. This does change things though, if it traces back to who attacked the Sivkits. It shows they’re capable of genociding an entire species.”
Dr. Rosario pursed her lips, a weary look on her face. “I’m…I’m going to collect samples of the DNA from the skulls, in the hopes of resurrecting this species. They’ll be lumped in with the 62 extinct races we were already working on bringing back.”
“Will they even be the same species with your customs?” Onso leaned forward against his desk, reddish ears pinned back against his head. “I respect your intentions, but the Yotul lost our identity when the Federation turned our world to their customs. And unlike the extinct races here, there is zero record of their culture—of what they once were—to even attempt to pass down.”
“The cultural losses are regrettable, but the alternative is that this species continues not to exist in any capacity,” Kuemper countered. “There are some things that make us innately human, or in your case, innately Yotul, that are worth preserving. We’ll search for any information that we can pass down when they’re brought back.”
“With all due respect, you don’t even know the species’ name! The most basic piece of their heritage!”
“Perhaps we can learn, when we find out who did this. Or perhaps there’s something that wasn’t so thoroughly scrubbed, as the electronics here seem to have been. Dr. Rosario, do what’s necessary to create a genetic profile, and bring your samples back to Paltan space at once.”
“Yes, ma’am. Research vessels are hardly the ones that should be going toe-to-toe with whoever did this,” Sara hissed, a deep sorrow glistening in her pupils. “I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news. I’ll terminate the broadcast on that paltry note. Take care, diplomats of the Coalition.”
The Secretary-General studied her polished shoes, as the screen went dark. “You must all discuss what you’ve seen, but I believe what we must do is a bygone conclusion. This is most likely the work of the Sivkit attackers, so we must make haste toward that locale. Every second we tarry is time that another species could fall to these monsters. It’s time to mobilize for an all-out war.”
“Here we go,” Naltor whispered to Zalk, as the meeting disbanded; the Huddledom and Confederation representatives walked off together, a glum Dustin skulked off behind us, and I lingered to eavesdrop. “We need to study the footage that was found of these carnivores, and work together to safeguard Ivrana from something similar. Mass-producing your tech is all that could help.”
The Tseia shifted in his seat. “I fear the consequences of arming the Selmer and the Vritala, but we could try working with Lassmin. No matter what’s going on at home, we’ll stand together if they come for us. Now might be a good time to bring the Arxur into the fold. My people know how to build upon alien tech.”
“Perhaps we could ask for an advance on their ships. We’d have to go through Onso, but a little down payment for our troubles wouldn’t hurt. What do you think, Tassi?”
The thought of witnessing firsthand an interstellar bloodbath, similar to the ones which stained this region’s history, sent a chill through my veins. With our helplessness if a powerful foe descended into our vicinity, hunting for carnivores to massacre, Kaisal’s offer of starships and weapon sharing suddenly sounded much more like a lifeline. Between ghost exterminators lost in the wind and this new threat that’d wiped out other “predators” with startling efficacy, Ivrana had a lot of threats to contend with. We needed to convince the Bissem nations to stop fighting each other, and turn our resources to leveling the playing field; our survival could depend on it in the near future.
“I think if the SC is off fighting someone else, then we really don’t need the Arxur turning forceful. We should get the gears in motion, before their patience expires,” I sighed. “If we have an opportunity to bring the Collective in, as a military ally, we have no choice. I’ll leave it to you two to figure out how, and when, to make your moves, and bring the Selmer and the Vritala onboard.”
Naltor chuckled deviously. “With a new…possibly carnivore race discovered, it gives the Arxur a reason to step in and offer aid. I’m sure Kaisal will have thoughts about a new force persecuting predators.”
“There’s no doubt in my mind. Whoever told him about this, it wasn’t us, right Naltor?”
“Of course not. We’d have to go through Onso, so the trail would lead back to him anyway—though we should establish back channels for communication. I like the way you think sometimes, you cutthroat wanderbird. You’re predictable in being only out for your own self-interest, with a few scruples thrown in here and there.”
“As are you. I can’t stand you, but I can work with you in a time like this.”
I stood, a numb feeling enshrouding me. “I’ll leave you to it.”
I wouldn’t have believed a few months ago that I’d involve myself with generals scheming for a political foothold among aliens, but I was beginning to accept the reality that friendship and safety up here wasn’t so simple. Whatever the consequences of the Coalition war might be, I had to watch out for Bissemkind; I didn’t want us suffering the fate of the Sivkit expedition or these mysterious carnivores. We didn’t yet know why these aggressors targeted other aliens in their purview, but I’d seen enough on screen to know it wasn’t benevolence.
---
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Gojid Refugee Patreon Subreddit Discord Paperback NOP2 Species Lore

My husband (28M, who I will call Jack) and I (27F) have been together for 4 years, we have 2 young children and I am pregnant again. I have been pregnant for what feels like most of our relationship. I got pregnant 4 months into our relationship. We got married a month before our daughter’s 1st birthday and ended up with a honeymoon baby. After our son was born, I talked to my OB and she put me on birth control and I have been taking it militantly. My daughter is now 3 and my son is 2. A little over a month ago I discovered I am pregnant again, despite taking my birth control religiously. Abortion is banned in my state, and the pregnancy was discovered too far along to attempt to obtain one out of state. While Jack and I were nervous, we also love being parents and decided that 3 young kids would be a challenge, but 3 was a good number for us. Then we went in for the first ultrasound and got some unexpected news - it’s twins.
Things have been tough financially, and while we were stressed but excited for a third child, we were not expecting a third and fourth child. Beyond the finances, I am the primary caretaker and I know that twins is going to be a lot, three children under 5 is already a lot, but 4 children under 5 is going to be really really difficult for me. Physically, I am tired of being pregnant. I’ve been pregnant or breastfeeding the majority of our relationship. It’s exhausting, it feels awful, and I don’t recognize my body anymore. Four children is enough. I don’t want more. I told Jack that I was done with pregnancy, I’ve been pregnant enough, I’ve been experimenting with different types of birth control for over a decade and I still can’t stop getting pregnant, abortion isn’t a valid option where we live, we need something more permanent. He agreed, and suggested an IUD, I told him no - if it did fail then it could cause an ectopic pregnancy which could kill me, especially where we live. I’ve had both control fail me multiple times already and I’m not taking the chance, so I suggested a vasectomy. He was not open to the idea, and was even upset that I suggested it and told me I should get my tubes tied. I told him a tubal ligation is a much bigger surgery and I could be recovering for weeks during which time I wouldn’t be able to work or take care of our 4 young children, but he could ice his balls for a day or two and be done with it. He told me that not getting pregnant was ultimately my responsibility, and topped it off by saying “that’s what your body your choice means, YOUR body, so YOU choose.” That’s when it went from a discussion to a full blown fight.
See, when I was 19 I had another birth control failure with my boyfriend at the time (who I will call Tom). I wanted an abortion, Tom did not because he was opposed. I told him I was getting the abortion since it was my body and my choice, and Tom said some horrible things to me, including threatening me. I broke up with him and got the abortion. In response, Tom ended up following me one night and attacking me. I don’t want to go into detail but it was horrible, and he ended up going to prison for a number of charges related to the attack. Not only do I have a number of scars and some long lasting physical effects, but I have PTSD as well. Jack knows about my history and diagnosis, and has known from the beginning. I have a pretty prominent facial scar so I was upfront about it early on in our dating. Jack always presented himself as very pro-choice, so I was shocked that he would say that. I got really emotional and started crying and shouting, and it turned into a full-blown fight. Eventually I said that birth control is a two-way street and so far I’ve been the only one managing it and he said “and now we have 2 kids and 2 more coming, great job.” I told him he sounded like Tom and he got super pissed, basically said how dare you compare me to him, and maybe he might want kids one day with someone who doesn’t compare him to her felon ex-boyfriend. I was stunned and horrified. I said “well then let’s not waste any fucking time,”then packed up myself and the kids and drove to my parents place.
It’s been about a week since the fight. I’ve spoken with Jack a few times and he has since apologized and said he was out of line and was speaking from a place of anxiety after finding out about the twins, but also that I said things that were out of line and it was wrong of me to insist he undergo a medical procedure. He said that can move on from the things I said and that he wants to see his children and be a family again. I told him no, that I didn’t want to “move on” from the things he said to me. I can’t just get over that and I think we need space apart. Jack was upset by this and while we talked I brought up getting a separation agreement to manage custody and finances while we figure things out. He did not like this suggestion, said we didn’t need to pull the courts into this. I haven’t told a lot of people about what’s happening but my family and a couple close friends. My sister and best friend both think I should throw the whole man away, but my brother (who is the only other one married with kids) thinks that I’m being extreme for what sums up to a fight between two scared people who both said nasty things. My mom is trying to be supportive but is occasionally reminding me that I “don’t want to be a single mother of 4” and telling me not to let my PTSD drive my decisions, while my dad is being completely unhelpful (he thinks jokes are helpful - like calling me Doorknob because I “can’t stop getting knocked up”, telling me to let the over cool down, real knee-slappers). I don’t know what to do. My kids are happy to be at grandma and grandpas house but they miss their daddy, I’m 4 months pregnant and already uncomfortable as hell, I wish I could go back to being a happy little family but I’m so hung up on the things he said in that fight. Am I destroying my family over one bad night? Am I being unreasonable for asking my husband to get a vasectomy?
Edit: I've noticed a lot of people recommending condoms. I have gotten pregnant with condoms twice. Our second child and my first pregnancy were both conceived using condoms properly (correct fit, put on correctly, single use, not expired, no breaks, etc). I do not trust condoms enough to not fail a third time. I know the failure rate is supposedly small, but it's not personally small enough for me. Edit to the edit: I'm sorry, I didn't expect so many comments so fast and I can't keep up with them. By the first pregnancy I mean the pregnancy with Tom. With Jack I was on the patch when I got pregnant with our daughter, condoms with our son, and the pill with the twins. So far I haven't ever suspected that Jack has tampered with our birth control and always presumed that I'm a fertile Myrtle. I recognize the comments and just want people to know I'm seeing the suggestion. I'm not dismissing it, but the thought of it is deeply upsetting and has provoked a lot of anxiety. I just wanted to make it clear that if the suggestion is only based on the condoms, that the condom pregnancies were with two different partners. While I know I always used condoms properly with Tom, I do believe that Tom could have been fully capable of sabotaging the condoms.

ACT 1
The Movie opens twenty years prior to the events of the movie. A 60 year old Bruce Wayne is fighting off a group of thugs who are holding a woman hostage. Bruce fights them off but due to his old age he struggles. We do the whole bit with the gun from the original series as Bruce finally hangs up the suit.
Twenty years later we meet Terry McGinnis. He is in a wrestling match between his classmate Nelson Nash. They argue back in forth until Nash spits in Terry's face and Terry punches Nash in his. The coach yells at Terry and the match is over.
Terry goes home to his mom and his brother Matt. His mom yells at him for punching Nash. Terry reveals that his dad was murdered a year prior and that his killer still hasn't been caught. Terry storms out of the house
Terry meets up with his friend Dana who he has a crush on. They hang out at a drive in movie theater when Joker gang members show up. They start harassing Dana and Terry fights them. Soon the police show up and Terry runs off
Eventually Terry comes to Wayne manor. Bruce Wayne is on the ground outside when Terry gets there. Terry helps Bruce get back inside and gets Bruce his pills. On his way out he finds a piano and decides to try playing it. During this the wall opens up behind him.
Terry goes down to discover the batcave. He looks at the high tech bat suit and decideds to try it on. The suit changes size to fit perfectly on Terry's body. Terry knows it's wrong bur he decides to take the suit.
Meanwhile Derek Powers, CEO of Wayne-Powers is overseeing an operation involving nuclear energy. The experiment goes horribly wrong and explodes killing everyone but Powers.
On his way home Terry spots some Jokers harassing a young girl about his age with blonde hair. He puts on the suit and fights them. About halfway through the fight the suit locks up on him. He is confused and then he hears a voice in his ear. It's Bruce telling Terry he has to bring the suit back. Terry tells him to unlock the suit so he can fight the clowns. It takes some convincing but Bruce agrees. Terry takes out the Jokers. The girl says thank you and runs off.
Terry goes back to Wayne Manor to return the suit
About 30 minutes after Terry gets home there is a knock at the door. His mom calls him out. Bruce Wayne is at the door. He offers Terry an internship (AKA a chance to be Batman). Terry accepts
ACT 2
Over the next few weeks Terry fights crime in Gotham. He attracts the attention of the Jokers who he fights often.
Over those weeks Derek Powers skin starts to fall off revealing a radioactive skeleton underneath. He does his best to hide it from the public. Because of his illegal activity over the years he hires the Royal Flush gang to hunt down Batman
While out Terry meets the same girl he saved from the the Jokers on his first ever night as Batman. She introduces herself as Melanie. The two of them hit it off and Melanie asks Terry for his number
That night Bruce tells Terry the Royal Flush Gang are robbing a jewelry store. Terry rushes to the scene where he encounters 4 people dressed as playing cards as well as a massive robot. Terry trys to fight them but gets beat pretty bad. Before leaving The Jack says to him "Consider this a warning. Stay away from Powers"
The next day at school Terry and Dana are hanging out and Terry realizes how torn he is between Dana and Melanie
Terry goes to investigate Powers but he isn't in his office. Bruce let's Terry know over the coms that there is something happening at Gotham harbor
Terry arrives at Gotham Harbor to see Blight making a deal with criminals from Metropolis. Terry goes into fight Blight and once again gets his ass kicked
The next day Terry goes on a date with Melanie. They talk about what they want for their futures and they bond over not seeing eye to eye with their family. At the end of the date they share a kiss
That night Terry encounters the Royal Flush gang again. Terry once again looses but this time he recognizes one of the family's voices. 10. He realizes Melanie is a member of the Royal Flush Gang. He also learns that Blight and Powers are the same person.
The Next day Bruce decides to pay Powers a visit. Some how Powers has his skin back. They talk and threaten each other. Then Bruce leaves
ACT 3
Terry goes to Wayne-Powers to fight Powers but when he gets there the Royal Flush gang are waiting for him. He struggles to fight them. He manages to get through to Melanie. She attacks her father and tells Terry to stop Powers.
When Terry reaches Powers they fight. Batarangs and blasts of radiation fly everywhere. Blight manages to over power Terry and throws him to the ground
"You're no batman" Powers says. "You're just an angry kid who's dad was murdered."
Terry realizes that Powers knows who he is. He also realizes that it was Powers who killed his dad
Fueled by pure rage Terry manages to stand up and starts wailing on Powers
"I AM BATMAN" Terry yells as he turns the tide of the fight. An energy blast shatters one of the windows Terry holds Powers down and is about to throw him out the window. Bruce trys to stop him but Terry isn't listening. Suddenly Melanie runs in. She pleads with Terry not to kill Powers. She manages to get to him and he cuffs Powers.
"I refuse to rot in jail" Powers says as he jumps out the window to his death.
Terry takes off his mask and Melanie hugs him
Three weeks later things are going better in Terry's life. He finally has closure on what happened to his father. Yet he still feels conflicted. He is the sole protecter of Gotham and is dealing with normal teenage issues as well. School, bullys, not to mention the fact that he is conflicted between Melanie and Dana.
Terry meets up with Dana. Despite the fact that he is dating Melanie he doesn't let that stop him from being friends with Dana. They talk when he gets a call from Bruce. A villan named Inque is breaking into a laboratory to steal some equipment. We cut to Terry flying through the sky's of Gotham ready to fight Inque
Post credit scene
Two men are talking. One mentions a plan to improve the human race. The other man asks how he plans to do so. The first man hands him a business card and tells him to give him a call then walks away. The second man looks at the card that reads "Chimera Institute"
It took me a lot of effort to write this. I know some of the dialog is bad but that is mostly place holder dialog. I really hope you guys like it and maybe I will make a sequel later on

Upfront TL;DR Version - Best friend and also business partner is in a toxic relationship and became isolated over time. That toxicity spilled out into our group of close friends which eventually lead to a fallout where myself and others officially went our seperate ways from them, with me personally confronting the Gf directly... Almost a year after that fallout, they're still in a relationship to this day and claim to be more stable and happy now due to couples therapy. I am told this by my friend because I always kept a line of communication open if ever needed. The Gf supposedly wants to try and put water under the bridge, but I'm not sure if I'm ready...
This is going to be long winded. Appreciate anyone willing to read through this journey I am about to share. Part of my reasoning for posting this is for my own venting and therapeutic reasons. The other is genuinely wanting to know if it'd be wrong to decline this "opportunity".
My (38m) best friend Gregg (35m) met Vivian (25f) in late 2022 from a dating app.
Everything about it was off to a great start. Our core group of friends welcomed Vivian with open arms and we were all genuinely happy for Gregg who had a prior 8 year relationship fall apart, after which we all witnessed Gregg go on a dating bender seeing someone new almost every week, and simultaneous drug bender, living up this fresh bachelor party life for the first time in almost a decade (to the point we were all legit concerned for his health & safety at points). Involved going full send just about every weekend and struggling to recover from it all by Monday. Lots of drug comedowns.
This went on for about a full year before finally settling down with Vivian who wasn't necessarily into that scene. Gregg dropping the party scene and drug benders was an immediate positive, plus Vivian showed a real interest in Gregg and his friends/family at the time as well.
About only 3-4 months in this relationship is when the red flags started to form though. Vivian ends up deciding to quit her job and her schooling and move into Gregg at his home and who was apparently supportive about it due to seeing the stress that work/school were causing in her life.
Gregg has a good career, owns a valuable home in a good city/area and was in a position to make that happen so he did. It was odd to all of us and it definitely felt rushed, but there wasn't anything to be done except to see how it played out and everything from an outside perspective still seemed to be going well overall.
A shift in tone definitely occurred shortly after this dynamic change though. After moving in, as more time went on the more obvious the isolation became. Gregg was slowly but surely never allowed to see his group of friends on his own without Vivian causing some kind of fight about it, so he inevitably stopped trying altogether in order to keep the peace and meet her demands. Vivian always had to be with him. The few times she wasn't around well Gregg would be fixated on his phone the entire time dealing with messages and trying to appease her and always having to check in.
In addition to all of that, Vivian started flaunting exuberant purchases and weekend trips on social media that Gregg would spend $ on. It was all very materialistic and silly and he was spending wild amounts on money on her.
One of the reasons why Gregg and I are such close friends is that we started a business together a few years ago and are the main partners. This is seperate from our own jobs and careers, but something we both care about and spend time on the side developing.
Part of the business involved hosting events at his home that allowed us a fun way network and help the brand we were building together. In addition to that Gregg's home was the central spot for all of us to get together as well, whether for a poker tournament, Halloween party, Friendsmas, NYE, Super Bowl you name it. This was all in place already for a few years before Vivian.
A few months after moving in, she decided she no longer wanted to have any events at "their" home, so she pushed for Gregg to end it and he did. I was a bit dumbfounded and pleaded to keep allowing these events there with some other compromises in place to try and satisfy Vivian, but to no avail. What Vivian wants, she gets.
Now they're around 7-8 months in. At this point alarm bells are now going off. We can visibly see Gregg becoming a former shell of himself the VERY rare times we did get to see him on his own (which would basically only be when Vivian was with her friends or had something more important to). He always seemed distraught to the point where we are asking Gregg if everything is OK and if there's anything he'd like to talk about. It was surreal seeing Gregg go from point A to point Z in personality.
Here are some examples of the toxicity we all began learning from Gregg who finally started opening up about the behind the scenes, or craziness we witnessed ourselves:
1 Vivian got upset with Gregg after finding old photos online (after proactively Google searching for it) from the time he used to play on a soccer team with his ex. This was a public page that Gregg had no control over whatsoever. The team images are just there from past seasons. She got so upset after seeing those pics that she escalated it by jumping out of the car when Gregg was at the wheel (while at a stop sign) while they were on a weekend trip together. Gregg called me in a panic about it not knowing what to do. This was the first time I implored Gregg to find the strength to breakup. Our conversation was cut short when Vivian was calling him so he wanted to take that call. Eventually she made her way back to the Airbnb they were at and apologized. Gregg gave her another chance.
2 Gregg has a daughter who is almost 17 years old now and shares custody with his first Ex (another 8 year relationship like his last ex.). One morning Vivian yelled at Gregg in his home office all because Facebook recommended his last Ex be her friend. She screamed about this ridiculous complaint right in front of his daughter. She threatened to break up again (she did this a lot).
These are just 2 examples. There are so many more to share but these two were the most amusing/sad.
The sickening part though is that these types of fights are all now normalized for Gregg who's just become numb to it all.
3 After learning about incident #2, which is now about 8 months into their relationship, I gave Gregg an ultimatum for the first time, explaining how everyone that cares about him, ranging from his own parents, to his daughter, to myself and all of his friends, are very worried about him....That if he doesn't get some space from Vivian and take one night out with friends the upcoming weekend at especially after that last explosion, I personally have to just move on with my life and cut any communication off entirely (outside of just simply being business partners at best but at a distance). To my surprise it worked. Gregg talked with Vivian and finally set a real boundary for the first time, saying he needed some space. The deal was she spends the weekend away with her family/friends and he will spend time with his family and friends.
So a lot of Gregg's closest friends metup to barhop around downtown the very next night and the night ended up becoming a defacto intervention, with everyone taking a moment to talk to Gregg throughout and simply illustrate how none of what's happening to him should be acceptable to him and that he needs to understand that he has the ability and strength to move on. I have pictures from this night. Emotions were on the table and literal tears were shed by Gregg and some friends getting caught up in the moment realizing we are losing a friend to a terrible situation.
We were finally breaking through the walls and getting to Gregg. During this entire same night however, Vivian was blowing up Gregg's phone, messaging things like "I'll talk to someone who cares" and "I can find someone better than you anytime if I wanted" or something to that effect. Gregg was showing is these texts. Gregg would become visibly upset again during these exchanges, so in the most caring and friendly way we took Gregg's phone away to get rid of that negativity and distraction. Plus they were supposed to be on a break and Vivian agreed to that. If that isn't going to be respected then it's time to get rid of the issue.
What happened next was incredible... It's nearing midnight. Drinks are flowing and everyone is having a great time. There's 10-12 of us there. Our core friend group like how it used to be. Well Vivian ended up tracking Gregg's phone, drives from around an hour away to find him, walks up to Gregg and doesn't say A WORD to anyone else there at the table, taps Gregg on the shoulder... He looks up at her and immediately has puppy dog love look in his eyes. They step outside and have a tense conversation for 30-45 mins. Our server even knew exactly why we got together that night and was in shock, taking peeks outside to try and see what was going on. Meanwhile we are all just like wtf... Gregg eventually comes back, thanks us for the night but that he has to go. So he leaves.
The next morning we all notice that Vivian blocked us on her social media accounts. Keep in mind throughout this entire ordeal, none of us said or shown anything critical ever directly to Vivian. We all kept the peace and had been cordial the entire time for Gregg's sake. Any concerns expressed were to Gregg only.
After being blocked, it was game on in my opinion. For the first time ever I directly asked Vivian what's the deal and why are we being blocked?
Her reply was that she was upset with us for not allowing her to talk to Gregg that night. That she was dealing with some supposed trauma and needed to talk to Gregg and was worried about him. That it wasn't right what we did.
I wait on responding.
In the meantime, I'm still on the sidelines and don't hear from Gregg for over 2 days. No updates. Nothing. I'm trying to get a hold of him too. I'm just being ghosted really.
So now I'm seeing red. The irony being that I'm such an eternal optimistic in others to a fault, and as Gregg's closest friend I was still trying to see the best in this relationship and was holding out hope for improvement, while other friends bailed out way longer before I did, but I finally broke. It took me that long to break sad to say.
So I use this chance to reply straight up and direct back to Vivian about everything I was aware about incidents happening behind the scenes and her escalations and fits thrown. I told her how toxic and manipulative she has shown to be. I pointed out the immaturity and all the controlling. I highlighted the level of isolation on display and how even Gregg's parents haven't gotten to see him much anymore. I mentioned how the relationship with his own daughter has taken a hit (per Gregg when confiding with me). Lastly I just made it crystal clear how irrational and unacceptable her behavior has been, especially from that night she showed up unannounced.
I scorched the Earth with Vivian and let it all out in my rant. I did not use any swear words or was overly disrespectful. I was just matter of fact on my perspective and my truth. It was as diplomatic as possible all things considered.
I confronted her knowing this could truly end my friendship with Gregg (it was sort of over already by default anyways), but without a doubt knowing I am burning the bridge with Vivian. I also inherently knew I was doing this for my own sake though. Gregg was leaning on me for over half of a year as a friend to be able to vent to about issues they were having, and I was just exhausted. I truly advised Gregg as best as I could and was as patient as possible but it always lead to nowhere and I was generally dismissed at every turn. It all ended up being for nought and a waste of my time. This was my opportunity to get out for good in a way. A bit selfish but I felt was necessary.
After like the 3rd day of no contact, Gregg responded back to me saying how he understood my intention, but that he didn't appreciate talking to his gf like that.
We discussed a lot over the phone for a good 2 hours to clear the air, eventually agreeing to disagree, but I did close out with my own boundary that I don't want anything to do with their relationship and that logistically, outside of our business relationship, there wouldn't be a possibility of remaining actual friends as long as Vivian is still around. I promised I'd be the first one there if they breakup and he needed a friend.
We've since kept communication open the but very brief in the mornings daily regarding our business, with some updates about our lives mixed in. It was honestly refreshing to no longer pretend to like Vivian and to have cut her out of my life.
About 3-4 months after the fallout, Vivian got caught by Gregg messaging her Ex for over a month. I know this because Gregg confided with me about it and was considering FINALLY breaking up, but she apologized and did whatever it took to not lose the relationship and Gregg once again gave her another chance, so I stepped aside once again.
It's obvious to me Vivian is parasitical about it her new lifestyle and doesn't want to lose everything. Meanwhile Gregg has co-dependent issues.
With that said... That incident happened about 6 months ago.
They are still together together now almost a year and a half now.
Supposedly since then they've done couple counseling and Gregg says he's happier than ever before and that they have a solid relationship.
Gregg just told me last night that Vivian understands why I did what I did and that it's all supposedly it's all water under the bridge with her now.
He's asking me if it's alright to bring Vivian to the next group gathering and to give her another chance.
I haven't given any answer yet outside of I'll have to really think about it. Does Vivian really deserve another chance given everything that happened?
Would it be wrong if I declined giving them another chance?