He has a history of engaging in casual relationships with numerous women, which has given him a breadth of experience and confidence in his sexual abilities. In contrast, my own experiences in this realm are limited. While I do find enjoyment in sex and appreciate the experiences I'm having, I can't shake the feeling of inadequacy that stems from comparing myself to his level of expertise.
The pressure to perform at his level weighs heavily on me, to the point where it starts to overshadow my enjoyment of intimacy. Even though my partner is understanding and supportive, reassuring me that it's okay to take my time to develop confidence, I still grapple with feelings of guilt for not measuring up to his past experiences.
Moreover, the thought of turning to pornography for guidance or validation doesn't appeal to me. I find it artificial and graphic, which only exacerbates my feelings of inadequacy. I'm seeking a way to break out of this cycle of guilt and inferiority without resorting to methods that don't align with my values and preferences

This is long, sorry.
My wife cheated on me 14 years ago while we dated. We were in our mid twenties and had been dating for several years. She was seeing a man from work that was almost 40 years old at the time, so nearly a 15 year age difference. I found out while I was using her laptop to help her with a project for school (she was finishing her degree) and found an email she sent to this guy with a picture of her boobs with the words “do my boobs look good today?”
I remember I was shaking and blew up at her immediately. She denied it was anything and she strung me along for a few months before we got back together. I knew she was still seeing this guy while we were trying to fix our relationship. I remember the anxiety and depression like it was yesterday.
Shortly after we got back together, she found out she was pregnant. She assured me it was my child and I believed her. I remember the possible night of conception when she told me to cum inside of her. We were always careful and never did that before for obvious reasons. We moved in together and got married 2 years later. We now have 3 kids together. I didn’t bring it up at the time because she was pregnant and I didn’t want to cause her stress.
This has always bothered me as we never discussed the cheating. I finally brought it up 3 years ago and told her I needed closer and have always thought it was possible our oldest was not my child. I needed details on the extent of her relationship with this guy. The conversation did not go well. She was so cold and seemed like she wanted to avoid any conversation about the subject. She does not do well with communicating so I admit it was probably tough for her.
I needed more answers so I brought this up again recently. She admitted that he kissed her and that it was more of an emotional affair. She claims they did not sex and he never touched her. She said she didn’t feel right when they kissed so she told him to stop and he never did it again. They went to a movie together, walks at the park, coffee dates, late night dinner. She said that she liked the attention and that was it.
The problem, she claims to not remember any details. She doesn’t know the name of the movie, when or where they kissed, when she officially broke it off with him. To top it off this guy was married and his wife was pregnant, but claimed he was separated. I asked if he told her about his wife and she said yes but again can’t remember when he told her about his wife’s pregnancy.
She has zero fucking details other than she realized she loved me and broke it off with him. I don’t know what to do here. I’m tired of brushing this under the rug. I love her and want to believe her but I can’t without details.
I think she might be afraid to admit the truth because we have a nice life together. She doesn’t work and I make enough money to support us and not worry financially. We are very grateful for that. She did tell me that she regrets this every day and always feared I would divorce her over this.
I told her I want a paternity test for our oldest and she agreed. She said she know with 100% certainty our oldest is mine and nothing else is possible”. I think that a paternity test will strain our marriage if she is telling the truth. Now what? I can’t figure out if she’s telling the truth, lying because she fucked him and was scared she was pregnant so she had sex with me to say I got her pregnant, or just horrible timing around when we had sex and when the cheating occurred.
I have no idea how to get past not knowing what she did with this guy.

TL;DR I (32M) got engaged to my partner (34F) about 8 months ago and to my shock, I am dreading actually being married.
I was initially happy to be engaged although the timing came sooner than I might have liked, for circumstances I won’t reveal for fear of being identified. Not pregnant. Since then our life has been more challenging in general which has created a lot of stress. Again, not getting into specifics.
For the majority of the time being engaged, I have felt no desire to actually be married. I think I thought that since our relationship was great for a long time and I was so in love/comfortable, getting engaged was a logical next step and the right thing to do for a woman of her age, even if it wasn’t exactly my preference to lock it down now as an eligible younger bachelor with a demanding career. I figured we were gonna get married eventually, why waste her time, let’s get on with it.
Now I regret it. I don’t feel nearly as strongly as I did about her, and much of it has to do with attraction. She is sweet and fun and takes care of me, but primarily I do not find her as attractive as I did before. Wish I knew why. I have read that attraction is really complex and can leave and come back, and I am on a goddamn roller coaster in that department. Sex is always good but also sometimes sitting across from her, I feel sometimes underwhelmed. It’s weird.
The turmoil of inconsistent affection feels excessive and not normal. It’s hard on her too. She can feel my energy is inconsistent but has been patient and kind about it and chalks it up to our life changes of late. But I feel like I am fighting a demon and losing the war despite winning some battles. Or maybe it’s more accurate to call it a stalemate. Just can’t feel consistent joy is how I would describe it.
You may say this is typical and attraction is up and down, but at times I just don’t see why I should march down this path for both our sake. Sucks because she is older and I think my brain is worrying about attraction getting worse with time, but that same brain has an instinct for continuity and love. I find myself doing mental gymnastics just about every day trying to convince myself I am going to be happy for the rest of my life in this. Some days it’s genuinely positive and I believe the happy narrative (really, I believe it deep down those days), but many more days I am stuck in terrible doubt. I would never have pictured feeling like this with her and I don’t feel like I am living my best life with this kind of angst. Certainly I am not ready to be married as it stands.
I also feel like she is showing total lack of ambition about her career and her physical shape and despite my concerns there, no change in behavior on either front beyond some lip service. Her priority is definitely becoming a home maker now, which is rough because something I loved about her was her maverick spirit and independence as an older woman who cared for herself, yet this change makes sense given marriage on the horizon.
So now I feel letting her go will put her in a tough spot where she cannot recover like I can due to the unfortunate imbalance of the biological clock, and because she got comfortable with my finances. I feel like it would crush her in ways most breakups would not. It would crush me too honestly because I love her so much. I just can’t find the passion with consistency.
For months I thought these feelings would pass and I have been desperate for them to. At times it feel likes they DO pass and it was all a horrible phase and I am so relieved (to tears even). But then it will just come back and I am demoralized again.
I want to just be alone for a month and see how it feels. Is that even an option? I mean not that long ago this was the love of my life, zero question. So frustrated and confused. Feels like my soul betrayed me and is rebelling against our future it wanted before and was so sure of. I won’t marry until this feels right. And time is ticking.

i like Warhammer 40k, but 40k doesnt afford you the abilty to let you play your own custom character or faction if it isnt up to certain specs in tournaments(lore strict rules). and running an army battle in dungeons and dragons is overly complicated unless you ignore a bunch of rolls and rules.
i propose a blend of both. who's cannon takes place in the cosmos of perspective.
(you make your own faction cannon. )
each unit type has user generated has one data sheet, each named character you have would have their own data sheet.
the models can be 3-D printed or kitbashed, but they must be at 1/36 scale. essentially one infantry= one of those cheap plastic army men standing at 5 cm tall.
from here, this was typed up before today, by a few months. there is no campaign.
but i would imagine a new fandom in table top roleplay would be born regardless
___________________________________________________________________________________________
WELCOME TO BATTLEPOSTINGS T.T.R.P.G.
A tabletop rpg for diy, model painting, kit bashing, 3-DPrinting, and plastic army battling enthusiasts.
all parts of this game are user generated, with the exception of the rules. Though u/Khorde__the__Husk sent this to a bunch of redditors for help in balancing the game and setting up basic play structure.
Things to note:
· You must have one “advisor” per two warlords in the session. Advisors, act as the game master to make sure no one is cheating. If there is confusion on what kind of weapon a unit has in their hands or equipped to their armor, the Advisor has final say. The advisor is supposed to keep the game fair.
· In theory you could have as many players as you want, but no more than four is recommended because turns consist of multiple phases that are meant to organize the battle strategy for each player.
· Players are encouraged to kit bash, 3-D print, or purchase traditional plastic army men. For the sake of scaling, follow the scaling of the image below. But you must have your own general. It is recommended that your general be unique, make it yours. Have fun.
· Players can make their own campaigns and lore. Such attempts are encouraged. For the purposes of release, you can follow the campaign I have written.
· For any session, you will need a handwritten or typed general’s reference stats Dossier, 1D20, tape measure, and an army of which you will fight with. (painted)
· When rolling on a check, higher is always better. 20 is always a success
· Your armies stats are fixed and defined in this document. Your general’s stats are dictated by the roll of a 1d20. These stats are:
o morale
o Movement speed
o Accuracy
o Health points
o Punch
· Turns are split into phases.
o bombardment
o Movement
o Attack/counter attack
· The different types of units are:
o Infantry
o Armor
o Airborne
o B.A.M.(BIG ASS MACHINES)

· We play at a 1/36 scale. All models are at that scale.

• TERRAIN AND COVER

make your own terrain and cover. kitbashing, 3-D printing encouraged. terrain is the battleground, the floor the pieces and obstacles stand on. obsticles can be anything. debris, nature, etc. obstacles are cover. if an attacking piece can see the defending piece in its entirety, the defending piece is in the open. if the defending piece is partially seen by the attacking
· Ability checks logic below:
20=crit hit/sucsess
1=jam(gun)/woopsie(melee)/crit fail
To succeed , a unit must roll their combined ability score. This is their base ability +general ability. Debuffs such as kickback only are applied to whatever you rolled when you roll for an ability check.
Regardless, the fundamental rules of this game will apply to your creations. these are an assortment of rules designed to keep the game fair and guard against unfair players(referred to as God-Emperors or God-empresses) and hopefully combat power creep.
Now lets expand upon these ideas so you can have fun kit-bashing and army smashing quicker.
GENERAL’S (named character) STAT DOSSIER
Your army’s stats are based on your general’s stat Dossier. The leader of a nation is oft a good indication of how high of a quality their army’s going to be.
The first thing you should write is your general’s name, then write their bio. Their bio includes their background, their homeland, what politics are involved (if any). It is not recommended that you write a novel, you have a game to play. What are the weapons that your general will have on their person? What are their character traits? How will those traits affect how the game is played?
The next thing to do is to make a picture of your General that resembles the piece you kit-bashed for your general to be. It can be menacing, wholesome, serious or whacky. As long as the design choices resemble what your army has for their design and your general’s character traits. It doesn’t have to be hand drawn. A photo of your piece will suffice. no general may have a skill number higher than 16.
ARMY STAT DOSSIER:
what good is a king without a kingdom?
terrible.
each type of unit gets one ARMY STAT DOSSIER. you can have as many scout infantry you want, but you need a dossier on how they are deployed, what weapons they use, and most importantly, THEIR STATS. make sure your unit type description is comprehensive including what styles of combat they are trained for. this could influence your decisions on how you play. give them lore for shits and giggles. no unit may have a skill number higher than 15.
WEAPON STAT DOSSIER
this is the list of weapon types and their ability modifiers.
when attacking bare handed, you go by your unmodified stats.
STATS EXPLAINED AND BORING SHIT
Now comes the part with the dice. You only need 1d20. This is to reduce the confusion.
· Morale
Rolled by 1d20, checked by 1d20 per unit.
Morale is basically moral law. How far will your troops go to follow your orders? If your morale over a given unit is 1, the unit in question is shell shocked for one whole turn, to be marked with a yellow slip. If your unit is shell shocked, it is traumatized to where it cant follow any orders on the next turn. If for some reason the morale hits 0, that unit defects and must be marked with a red token. Units that defect are now under control of your enemy. If defected units hit 0 authority again, it simply dies. Suicide. Cowards way out.
The Morale that your general has over friendly units is base unit morale +the general’s modifier. Your general’s base Morale is the number you rolled the 1d20 for. If for any reason your general’s morale score goes below 0, the general must rally all nearby troops (within 30cm) to protect the general for one turn on the next turn. If your general’s morale hits zero, you get shell shocked, and your general cannot take action for one turn and if your general was within line of sight of any other allied unit, the observing unit cannot take action either.
· Movement Speed
Rolled by 1d20, measured by cm on a measuring tape or meter stick because inches suck.
Movement speed is how much ground a given unit can cover. Unless your object has a punch score higher than the hp of an obstacle, or can fly, you will have to go around the obstacle. There are exceptions. If the obstacle is below the knee of an infantry unit, the infantry or whatever can climb over at the cost of the individual unit climbing modifier.
The base movement speed of your general influences the movement speed of your troops. To find a troops total movement speed:
Your unit’s base movement speed + your general’s base movement speed = total troop movement speed. See army stat dossier or named character stat dossier.

· Accuracy
Rolled by a 1d20, checked by 1d20 per unit
Accuracy must be rolled every time a unit attacks an enemy unit.
Accuracy is basically the chance of your selected troop hitting their targets. Different weapons and vehicles have different accuracy modifiers(aka kickback or x-range), and different types of troops have different base accuracies. Accuracy can affect enemy/friendly Health points or morale. If a shot hits near enough to a troop, or makes a kill close enough to another troop, the troops affected must undergo a morale check with the exception to nearby friendlies of any troop who gets an enemy kill.
Explosives and artillery have an area of effect. any troop within the inner blast radius (with the exception of troops behind sufficient cover) is dead. Any in sufficient cover, or within the outer blast radius must make a morale check. Sufficient cover is a piece of the environment which has an assigned hp that is higher than the punch of an explosion.

Small arms fire requires line of sight for targeting. The path of bullets is a straight line, keep this in mind when deciding collateral damage. Friendly fire is a thing and it is a war-crime. If you want to play nightmare mode, your general gets summoned to a military court tribunal and executed if three friendly troops or more die as a result of friendly fire that occurred by your command.

Melee combat can only be conducted during movement phases. If its melee vs gun there is the variable of line of sight. If the melee unit is within line of sight, the gun unit has advantage. If the melee unit is outside of line of sight of the gun unit, the melee unit has advantage.
To find your troop’s accuracy:
general’s base accuracy+ troop base accuracy- kickback. The higher the accuracy the better.

· Punch
Punch is how much damage a unit causes to another unit or object should they pass their accuracy check. Different weapons pack a different punch. Remember to add their bonus to the punch check roll.
When attacking an obstacle or object, units must roll against the hp of the object. If the roll lands on a number that meets or beats the hp, the object or obstacle is destroyed.(marked with red sticky note and can be traversed as if the object was destroyed. Bullets pass thru within reasonable trajectories, no ricochet)
When attacking units, whatever is rolled is subtracted from the victim’s hp. The victim can only move at half of their normal movement speed afterward.(treaded, wheeled, and airborne vehicles excluded from the debuff even if they are hit. They are treated as obstacles with the addition of the passed accuracy check requirement.)
· Health points(hp)
Health points are what determines how close your units or general is to kicking the bucket. In any game mode, If your general kicks the bucket, you lose. If you have no units other than your general, you lose and your general must go into hiding. each unit and general may have no more than 10hp. powercreep is bad
UNIT CLASSES
Unit Classes are determined by how big the individual unit is, and how it traverses the battlefield. The smallest and most common all the way to the biggest and most intimidating of units are all fit into several categories by what they look like. To solve disagreements on what class your unit is, the advisor has final say. Disagreements should be easy to avoid if you design your units properly. It would be useful to stick to a theme. Candy punk, steampunk, horror, medieval, sci-fi, and historical designs are all fine, you could even come up with your own. A theme will be better for discerning friendlies from you enemies. At the same time, make your units discernable enough that players and especially advisors can easily determine what classes your units are.
· Your general/warlord, whatchacallit
Your general is the most valuable unit because it is what you have to control your forces. Without a wise and strategic leader, your forces will fall into disarray and you will lose the war. You can only have one general, and you made it yours. Kitbashing and 3D printing would likely be your most common means of gaining a general. They must take resemblance of the general on your general stat dossier they can swim in water terrain for two turns before they drown.
· Infantry
The easiest to acquire and kit bash. This allows for vast hordes of infantry, or small fireteams, or something in between. Find your play style. Your infantry should be as tall as the plastic green army men in the image below. These men and women are the bravest of them all.
they can swim in water terrain for two turns before they drown.
· Armor
Mainly made up of vehicles and smaller mechanical suits, must be land based. Expect tanks, jeeps ,Humvees, calvary mounted animals etc. here is an image I ripped for scale as to the largest example of armor you can have. Not my drawing. Its basically the largest tank ever built replace the man in the image with one infantry and you have your scale. Or 0.283333333 m* 0.283333333 m *0.5m
these machines will break down in water terrain.
· Airborne
Airborne units can only fly. They can drop bombs, airdrop armotroops, and attack up to one target per gun that the aircraft is equipped with(within range) as they move. Their biggest weakness is anti-aircraft weaponry and enemy aircraft weapons. How big can an aircraft be?
2.44 meters. X 2.44 meters by 0.60 meters is your maximum for all airborne units.
any airborne that fly like a plane have a +4 to their movement stat but can only bomb ground units 15 cm in front and attack any unit that is in front of it
anything that flies like a helicopter does not have this buff or debuff, they can shoot at any target, but can only use missiles for up to 15 cm on ground units.
NAVAL VEHICLES
Naval vehicles can be big or small, but they can only operate in the designated water terrain area. they can carry troops, they can fire artillery, depth charges, missiles, torpedoes, and submarines can hide below water for three turns before air runs out. but they can be spotted by sonar. if a submerged vessel is within 10 cm of an enemy surface or submarine vessel, the enemy vessel can act as if they know where the submerged vessel is even if the submerged vessel is still submerged.
· B.A.M. ‘s
Big Ass Machines are basically giant robots and massive land ships. These can be Game breaking depending on how you build them and how big you build them. They can fire upon one target per weapon. how big Can these be? They cannot be more than 1.5 meters tall or take up a ground area larger than 4 meters. Players are not allowed to use functioning motor vehicles including, but not limited to cars, trucks, busses, etc. rule of thumb, if you can ride it, you can’t play it. It might as well be just fan art. The maximum distance these can move at any time is 2000cm. to move these, they must make a special movement check. War machines of that size can get stuck easily, so subtract your general’s movement speed from your final roll on each check. If they are larger than the specified limits, you’ve built a giant immobilized obstacle for one turn.
Mobile terrain essentially is a whole battlefield or obstacle of its own. The biggest difference is that anything other than B.A.M. compatible units that are attached to the B.A.M'S can’t be removed from the B.A.M.'S. Artillery such as main guns can’t move, only rotate. same with S.A.M.S. , C.R.A.M.S., and anti aircraft weaponry.

EQUIPMENT AND ARMAMENT
Guns and RE’S(ranged explosives)Require a reload period(one full turn) every so often. Dual wield is an ability that is only applicable to infantry equipment . dual wield only applies when two identical weapons are in both hands of a single unit. Range is how far a weapon can fire before a debuff is added to your accuracy roll. For every 10 cm beyond the stated range, an x-range debuff of -1 is added.
Overheat can only occur on weapons that are labeled with overheat. Every time a gun with overheat is about to fire , a coin must be tossed. If the coin lands on heads, the gun overheats. Overheating will cause the unit to explode. The explosion will deal 1d20 damage to anyone/anything within a 6 cm radius. You only need to roll once.
Cone is a special debuff. Weapons with cone Can only fire at sequential targets within 25 degrees of original target.
im having trouble with deciding the individual weapon stats. so ive decided that i am going to leave those up to you. (the moment i hear people are getting into fights IRL, i will be putting in an elaboration which will settle all disputes regarding equipment and artillery... and i wont be happy about it.)
players are encouraged to record their battles in battle reports and post it online in their relevant subreddits. if they win/lose, then the player is encouraged to come up with a lore reason for any change in tactics, named characters(generals), or stats.
an army is considered overpowered if they can take out all opponents in as little as 10 turns. they must be nerfed if this happens. dont forget to add a lore reason for this occurrence in the battle report.
unlike overpowered, underpowered armies can be taken out in 10 turns. they must be buffed if this happens. dont forget to add a lore reason for this occurrence in the battle report.
this is sci-fantasy/high fantasy, battles are supposed to be epic and economically exaggerated.
write the name of the weapon, the type of weapon.(melee or gun) and its accuracy and punch modifiers.(bare hands is melee and equal to. magic is gun)
spells must be vetted in good faith by advisors prior to the game to prevent game breakage. spells may not kill units or generals in one blow. spells effects can only last one turn unless its a healing spell. healing spells cannot heal more than 5 health points at a time per unit. write out the spells you have for your units and have them vetted by an advisor, advisor will determine gamebreakability of the spell. if spell is determined to be game breaking, mid game, the advisor will have the offending spell removed and the turn undone. at wich point the offending player effectively must alter their strategy in the spirit of good sportsmanship.) There are three approved arcane focuses, wands, staves, and hand casting, (one must not make them look like the caster is going to punch something, have them hold an orb or something.)
(the moment i hear that people get into IRL fights over spells, i will make a list of approved spells and a LONG LIST of forbidden spells. and no one will be happy. )
THE MOST IMPORTANT RULE
Dont be a dick, be a good sport, and have fun.breaking thegame intentionally is a dick move. advisors are encouraged to post their reports of game breaking spells so it may help me in the event Khorde__the__Husk has to revise the rules.

What if Drake just cares about animals
Let’s be real here, AKs dog just got hit by a car and is locked up in a cage for its own protection during recovery, clearly ya’ll schizos have never had injured dogs, because they make one hell of a racket when they want out but can’t be let out. And that video while it sounds awful, definitely lines up with stuff I’ve heard in shelters and vet clinics.
Can we just for a second think, that while Drake is very likely an Ephebophile, he might also just love animals. Like bro, I have socks with my dogs face on them that I got as a gift, and tons of pictures of my pupper on my phone, but I’m not some fucking weirdo. He’s my buddy, part of my family, and I love em to death. But that just makes me a normal caring human being.
It’s very possible that while Drake is a shitty person for a lot of things, he just loves dogs and maybe animals in general, people can be shitty and still love things in a non weird way.
A lot of people with personality disorders have an affinity towards animals, and a lot of people who are ephebophiles have a personality disorder where they never really aged past their late teens, they still view themselves and act like they did when they were 17. Surprise, surprise it’s been studied that child acting severely inhibits mental growth of the actors. Kinda weird how all that lines up right.
Is it still fucked up, gross, and morally reprehensible, yeah. But it lines up.
So what’s more plausible? Drake gets mentally screwed up from child acting, develops a personality disorder making him basically permanently stuck with the mentality of a late teen, seeing himself still as one, and thus still having sexual attack action to teens; which explains his other high school like behaviors that he consistently displays. Then he uses his enablers and money to fulfill his desires.
Or Drake is a dog fucker, running a multinational trafficking ring for his friends and himself, involved with Russia and Putin, and somehow the stream Ak is in on it along with a random disabled journalist who’s schtick is to meet celebs but is otherwise unaffiliated.
Idk, one seems more likely than the other and that’s the one you should be digging for.
Dig for videos and connections do Drake and minors, if ovo and minors, of their “personal tinder” of paying eachother in women. (Calling it tender)
Everything else is irrelevant right now.

Let’s be real here, AKs dog just got hit by a car and is locked up in a cage for its own protection during recovery, clearly ya’ll schizos have never had injured dogs, because they make one hell of a racket when they want out but can’t be let out. And that video while it sounds awful, definitely lines up with stuff I’ve heard in shelters and vet clinics.
Can we just for a second think, that while Drake is very likely an Ephebophile, he might also just love animals. Like bro, I have socks with my dogs face on them that I got as a gift, and tons of pictures of my pupper on my phone, but I’m not some fucking weirdo. He’s my buddy, part of my family, and I love em to death. But that just makes me a normal caring human being.
It’s very possible that while Drake is a shitty person for a lot of things, he just loves dogs and maybe animals in general, people can be shitty and still love things in a non weird way.
A lot of people with personality disorders have an affinity towards animals, and a lot of people who are ephebophiles have a personality disorder where they never really aged past their late teens, they still view themselves and act like they did when they were 17. Surprise, surprise it’s been studied that child acting severely inhibits mental growth of the actors. Kinda weird how all that lines up right.
Is it still fucked up, gross, and morally reprehensible, yeah. But it lines up.
So what’s more plausible? Drake gets mental screws up from child acting, develops a personality disorder making him basically permanently stuck with the mentality of teens, seeing himself still as one and thus still having interests in teens, which explains his other high school like behaviors. And then uses his enablers and money to fulfill his desires
Or Drake is a dog fucker, running a multinational trafficking ring for his friends and himself, involved with Russia and Putin, and somehow the stream Ak is in on it along with a random disabled journalist who’s schtick is to meet celebs but is otherwise unaffiliated.
Idk, one seems more likely than the other and that’s the one you should be digging for.
Dig for videos and connections do Drake and minors, if ovo and minors, of their “personal tinder” of paying eachother in women. (Calling it tender)
Everything else is irrelevant right now.

First I want to make it very clear that I am aware that I am fully wrong for my behaviors
So my girlfriend and I are in our early 30s, been together almost a year. I don't want to attempt to justify my actions by using a lot of words so I'm going to do my best to stick to the facts.
When I was in college (recent grad, 2nd career), an attractive woman was in my class. She was very flirty with me, would rub her butt and me, etc. We went to take a picture for our graduation and she was super close to me and I grabbed her butt, almost like a reflex. She enjoyed it, I did not. I immediately felt all kinds of guilt and shame. Fast forward maybe a month and a similar situation happened at work except this time (different woman) was literally shaking her ass right in front of me. Again, I grabbed it, felt horrible, had a panic attack, had no idea why I did it, etc.
I have since been in therapy for a moderate porn addiction and have taken steps to stop watching porn, and if I masturbate I can only fantasize about my girlfriend, and it's changed out relationship immensely for the better. She knows I've been wild with the porn and have done it with her in the house, etc. I told her I'm working through recovery and I'm making great progress.
Now on both occasions I consulted with some people (friends, therapists, etc.) about if I should tell her or not. I have a sort of confession OCD where I feel the compulsion to confess anything mildly immoral, which got pretty bad a couple of years ago when I was confessing every time I fantasized about another woman to my then-girlfriend (broken up now). So I wanted to know is this something productive to share with her?
Every person I talk to says not to tell her, it's my problem, my guilt, and I have no right to put my guilt on her to harm her to make myself feel better. I've had many OCD type obsessions before and this feels just about the same as all of them, but as you can imagine I'm having a lot of trouble differentiating the true from the false right now. I care about her more than anything else and can not believe I let my addiction for porn/sex get to the point where I was touching other women. I just thank God I caught it before it got any worse.
Point is this woman that I'm dating is the literal purest soul and thinks I'm the best thing since sliced bread and I just feel like she should know the whole truth before she goes further in this relationship with me.
I see how some people in the sub treat situations like this with a degree of hostility, so I want to say from the gate I know I fucked up big and I know I should have known better.
Question is, do I tell her?

I can never tell if/when i’m having outbreaks and it’s so incredibly taxing on my mind. My first outbreak was a living hell, and I couldn’t see anything that resembled hsv (everything was just swollen and red.. hurt to touch and look around). I went to urgent care 3 separate times, thinking I had a bad UTI. They tested me 3 times for everything for it all to come back negative. Finally, on the third time, after insinuating I was basically out of my mind.. the doctor decided to do a physical exam. She went to put the crank of dread in, just stopped and said “ahh.. I see what’s going on here”. A few days later, hsv2 positive.
I’ve had very few sexual encounters, and have only been with committed, monogomous partners. My current partner MUST have given it to me, we’ve been together nearly 4 years, and he’s quite a bit older than I am.. he has a bit of sexual history. That being said, after my diagnosis.. he’s still yet to be tested. I don’t know if he feels bad, doesn’t want to know the truth, or what, but he is very touchy if i bring it up. This is unsettling.
Really, my main gripe here is.. I can never tell if I have an outbreak. I think I get them often, anally (though i’ve never even had anal sex 😭), because occasionally it becomes very painful to use the restroom, there’s bleeding, but when i look I can’t see anything that looks like the pictures i see online. I have no reference to what i’m actually supposed to see. I don’t know the effects of just taking valtrex if i don’t actually have an outbreak, or not taking it if i do.. it’s so mentally taxing.
Any advice or insight? Do i just take it?

What happened when I came out to my ex
So we were introduce by a Kendra Lee Taylor (filler generic name) (her at the time best friend), and she was Jessica Lilly Wilson (another filler generic name) . And this is what happened
Sooo. For one, I'm transgender. (Mtf), and I was with my abusive ex (cis woman), since literally high-school. We were together for a long time, I told her I would ".Wear women's clothes, and fantasize about being a woman. And for some reason dressing as one in private helped me cope sometimes." I also had expressed that sometimes it would cause me to get turned on (what the trans community later described as 'euphoria erections'). She didn't mind, atleast she said she didn't, she said she thought it was sexy, she liked a 'guy in touch with his feminine side' ,and she was bisexual anyways. I had coped with my gender issues (which i didn't fully realize were gender issues due to upbringing) , by just having these private escapes, often with her as an audience. She turned it more and more sexual though. Often whenever I was just relaxing in fem clothes she ALWAYS progressed it to sex. Now I had a bit of a 'being dominated' fetish I'm not gonna lie. But often she wanted me to do things I thought were really.gross. like making me sit in our sex juices, or sit with my own ejaculate on myself. She had a weird and honestly sick fetish for stuff like that. Specific to males in panties. And I kinda just coped with life with the mentality of " well I get to have the family the 'good Christian kid' and his high-school sweetheart. And my mother will one day look at grand babies and love the hell out of em, and that'll make all this worth it. Also I want to clarify, Post transition (so as a woman) I would be a lesbian. I've never been attracted to men. Another reason why my gender issues confused me so much. I also ALWAYS was just as honest with my partner (my abuser), as I was with myself at any given time in regards to this issue. So its not like I was a total closet case to my at the time gf. Sadly my mother got really sick. And no. She didn't make it. She went rather fast. It was devastating, tbh we had a more matriarchal system in our household, despite our father being a religious zealot. She ran the home, and he normally caved to what she wanted. I became so deeply depressed I was going to genuinely kill myself. Eventually one day I just told my partner, " I need to explore my fem side and figure out what this gender issue is, and I need to fully explore it, to see if my feminine side is just latent desires I couldn't act on when younger or if I was actually trans. " she VERY reluctantly , and angrily one day took me to get some clothes of my own. A padded bra, multiple women's underwear, and some thigh highs, and agreed to let me continue to borrow some of her stuff, until I got more items. We began exploring. Well I did, she kept trying to fetishize it, and when I told her no, or when I stayed dressed even after sex. She would get beyond huffy with me. She started getting more and more mean to me as I continued to explore in a non sexualized way. I eventually one night extremely scared and sobbing, told her I was trans and there was nothing anyone could do to fix it. So I braced for impact, expecting her to break up with me. I was astounded she said " There is nothing wrong with you, its the 2020s, and people are becoming more accepting now." I was terrified, knowing my dad was never gonna accept it, and my brothers were a coin toss, though I knew my.younger one most likely wouldn't care. And I didn't think my older one really would either but still. Hiwever as I continued in my path to coming out as a transwoman. She got more and more verbally and maliciously abusive, she sabotaged things I was beginning to try, she berated me constantly and even tried to delay my coming out. I eventually started dressing as a woman full time, except at work. And around my bio family. I started hrt in private, except my partner and her parents knew. (She was my abuser not my partner). She turned from a sweet borderline feminist, and fairly sensible liberal gal, to an irl reddit cringelord for lack of a better term. She started taking these really jacked up takes, that she never espoused before, and calling me names like " gender retard". I kept pleading with her to stop, that if she wanted to break up we just could, I'd need some time to find a place, but everything could be amicable (btw I was clear that this option always was on the table), and It was ok if she didn't wanna stay alot of couples split after a transition and that doesn't make you a bigot. But if you want to keep trying, please stop mistreating me. Several of my friends had wanted me to dump her for how she was acting. But I foolishly believed she loved me and was just having a hard time. But eventually she dumped me and at the worst time, I had lost a job , got a new job, and had to leave it for safety reasons and was basically financially dependent on her, despite wanting to leave but needing an exit strategy. She turned our new apartment (after we fled her parents house) into a horror house. I still to this day have nightmares of waking up on the couch with her about to walk through the door. The abuse was horrible. At one point comongntoca head with her brutally beating me black and blue. I didnt fight back. Within a few weeks I was on sidewalks. We had a savings account that I had helped build for over SEVEN years. And it was in her name. And she kept all of it. I was homeless and still technically am. But am housed. I don't know how to have peace. I see her when I close my eyes. I hear her insults in my head. And I'm STILL recovering from her financial abuse. What do I do? Please...

Throw away account, Around, late april, M(20) found out, my sister F(19) wanted to spend a weekend with her boyfriends house. My family is fairly conservative and boyfriends M(20) family is pretty liberal, he went to an international school and is not pure Filipino.
I'm from the Philippines where people are pretty conservative so naturally my Christian Family was taken aback, denied her from going despite her insistence and flew her back home as she goes to college really far away, this was during their ILW which is basically a week where all classes are online, so she technically had no class for a week. Now she's extremely angry why she wasn't allowed to go, angry at the whole family and me (because I agreed that she shouldn't have gone).
I said that we wanted what was best for her and just want to look out for her, in the family we have a history of unplanned pregnancies and women not being able to pursue their dreams (i.e stopping college) so that to probably motivated the reactions, when she was home they discussed it in depth on why such a thing wasn't allowed, at no point did we insist they break up, and I actually would prefer someone to be there for here when we cant. She keeps insisting the boyfriend who she's been dating for about 3-4 months now has the best intentions and they wouldn't be having sex.
I know this is a pretty liberal platform and most of you think that sex isn't a big thing but It is for our family, and allowing the eldest daughter in the family to spend a few days at the boyfriends place who we haven't formally met was out of the question, we've met on occasion but haven't really talked in length because her college is pretty far from mine. It puts a strain in our family and I want to know how to navigate the situation. I've already planned to meet and have lunch with the guy in a few days to get to know him, but would like additional input into the situation. I know not to aggravate her even more by disagreeing with her, but I would just like to know everyone's thoughts on the situation.

I originally wrote this out in this BPT thread on JK rowling comparing being transgender to being transracial, but the thread got locked to country club only as I was writing. I thought I'd post it here.
I had a philosophy class where this was a prompt for a paper - basically analyzing the philosophical differences between transracialism and transgenderism. This was back in like 2017. (One of several prompts, I didn't write on it)
Rachel Dolezal was the required reading / case study for transracialism. It generated a lot of pretty interesting discussion. Reading the wikipedia on her now though is kinda crazy, it seems like a lot of weird stuff came out on her in the last 7 years.
I reviewed a few papers on it and we went over some others in class, I can't remember it all but from what I remember most of the arguments were along the lines of this ask social science post which essentially argues that race is something external defined by how others interact with you, while gender is something internal defined by how you see yourself.
That said... I've always felt like that answer was a bit too clean cut. There's obviously an external aspect to gender as well, people treat and see you differently based on your gender, and there are a lot of societal expectations placed on you based on your gender. For someone like Rowling I can kinda see why she would identify with this, with her womanhood largely coming in as an external thing that people bring in to analyze her writing. Also when she wrote her first book she was a divorced broke single mom, which I'm sure is a very external way to experience womahood.
Maybe we should have two different words for the internal experience and the external experience of belonging to a group?
I think Rowling is clearly way too reductive the other direction though - none of the trans women I know are just 'well I like long hair and taylor swift so I guess I'm a girl'. The internal experience of feeling a certain gender is certainly a lot deeper than that.

Hi, I'm an 18-year-old man from Canada who doesn't have much experience in life yet... While growing up, I've seen that a lot of women in my society and generation will do things I don't support very much like alcohol, smoking, sex before meeting the right person, dressing in a vulgar manner, attending mixed parties, and things like that. I've realized, on the other hand, that Muslim men don't have to worry much about all those bad things since Muslim women mostly don't do that. The problem is that sometimes it makes me jealous to see those well-made relationships. Islam keeps women clean. Loyalty and preservation are pushed in Islam... Am I the only atheist who thinks about this? I want to know if someone else thinks like this.

My GF (22F) and I (21M) have a long distance relationship that has lasted 5 months, we met each other during a college exchange and decided to commit to a relationship when it was coming to an end, so we didn't have any sexual intercourse. Recently we had a little trip together of about 5 days where we had sex multiple times a day (each session lasted about 3 hours), but I cound't make her cum even though I tried a lot. I've had a lot of sex, but with just 3 women (all my ex's) and I made them cum multiple times even during one intercourse. She said she has only cummed once in her life, with an ex of her, but it was so long ago that she can't really remember how it was so she doesn't really know what kind of stimulation can make her cum. She said she loved the sex we had and it was the most pleasure she has ever felt, she even said I had golden fingers for clit stimulation, but I feel really guilty that I couldn't make her finish not even once. I try to comfort myself saying this was our first time having sex so we don't really know what each other like, but I can't help feeling like a loser that can't make his gf cum. Is it because I need more time to know her body? Am I giving orgasm more importance than I should? Any advice on how I can make it better for the next time we meet?

Lately I haven’t been able to understand who is the person or judge or who’s protecting Joshua Homme, let’s take a look at his current situation.
The dude gets to tour the world whilst his kids are taking care by his parents, didn’t he accused Brody Dalle of being a terrible mother, how come he gets high wherever he is playing, let’s think about it, does it mean he has a drug dealer wherever he goes and who’s the one providing him the drugs?? His manager Kevin?? He that felt abused by Brody Dalle is going out with a married woman that is cheating on her husband Ryan Ashley Malarkey having sex with her on the tour bus this past weekend in Florida. While everybody outside is listening, didn’t he accused Brody of cheating? Ok in here there is a woman Ryan Ashley who is not a victim of Joshua, is part of the same trash that enable this man to go through like without moral and respect over the others let’s call things the way they are, this woman has a child yet she doesn’t care and have sex in the middle of the parking lot of the venue when she is still married So both of them have no moral compass, none of them specially her have a little respect for herself. This is the reason why Joshua Homme is not held accountable, he seems untouchable, as long as we have women as Ryan Ashley Malarkey, sluts that have zero respect for themselves we will continue to have men as Joshua Homme. An alcoholic with zero respect for fans, women, security venue, band mates even for his children?? Shouldn’t the police investigate where and how he is able to buy drugs overseas and inside the country?? Let’s started to respect ourselves canceling this type of people.
Enough with the double standards, Joshua are you going to pay to have this delete?
Why are dating a married woman? I thought that was a sin??
Does this mean that we need to have rich parents to do whatever the hell we want?
Who’s protecting Joshua Homme?

canceljoshuahomme

cancelryanashleymalarkey

cancelqotsa

cancelabusers

canselinkmaster

My best friend of 10 years and girlfriend of 7 broke off recently as we were trying to rekindle our relationship after not speaking for 8 months. I knew she had another guy she was talking to but not official. Same with me, we were not official so it was fine that we kept our options open. We went to a bar last week and everything went downhill that night she got so fucked up drunk while I stayed sober because I was driving. Going back to her place she wanted to have sex with me and told me she wanted me to put a baby in her. I tried leaving multiple times because I wasn’t gonna take advantage of her in her state of intoxication. She asked me to just lay with her instead while she fell asleep so I did. 5 mins in she gets on top of me and and pinned my hands down and then grabbed my hand to place on her ass while she twerked on top of me. We did oral stuff but no penetration. The morning after she tells me that I took advantage of her which pissed me off entirely and blocked me on everything. I ended up leaving a note with some pictures of our trip to Hawaii from a two years ago that I got off a disposable camera I had.
Her now boyfriend texted me tonight respectfully telling me not to contact her but in a very mature way to respect her heart and where it lies (he’s super cool were are buds now bonding over motorcycles in a span of 2 hours, and I know she’s pissed about it). Crazy how a week after this happened she has a boyfriend. And he knows the things we would do even when she was sober with me. It’s weird because I’m hurt but at the same time I know that I’ll be glad she’s someone else problem now because it’s clear she’s very toxic and immature. I don’t think they will last. But I know his friendship and mine will 🤝🏽

(Sorry this will be long also sorry for the typos it’s really late while I’m typing this)
Long time lurker in this subreddit as I was hoping to get inspired by some of the users stories though the inspiration lasted only a few minutes. What I’m hoping to get out of this post is some guidance or a wake up call as I feel like I’ve hit rock bottom with no upward motion. I know I need to be better than this and I want to be better than this.
I’m a 26 year old African American male , still lives at home with his parents , no real job at the moment (currently applying) and I feel like all my life I have been persevering,inconsistent , and always playing catch up. But this officially feels like my last chance to lock in and stop messing around with my life. I’m currently on academic suspension from my 3rd year of a doctorate of pharmacy program and in the appeal process to get reinstated back into the program I also got my pharmacist intern license suspended until I get reinstated to school again which is kind of hindering me from getting a job in a pharmacy. I’m trying to take the steps to make myself ready to step back into school and get my act together though I DONT KNOW WHERE TO START!!! I have not told my friends or family about it because I feel like I’ve failed myself and them. I take full responsibility for this. however, the factors leading to this situation date back to 2020. My life felt like I was on the right trajectory I had a great physical and mental health relationship with myself, great connections with family and friends,I had investments, I was planning financially for the future ,I had my own business as a strength and conditioning specialist and worked at a physical therapy facility as an assistant I graduated college with a double major in public health and kinesiology with an emphasis in clinical movement i took the mcat didn’t do too well so I applied out of the country for med school was doing well for the first semester though I began having trouble with my significant other and felt as though we were drifting apart and the situation I felt we were all in at the time was a bit much and it took a toll on me academically and in the relationship trying to balance a fun romantic life with a medical program that I was supposed to dedicate 4-8 years of my life to ultimately lead to me getting dismissed from med school due to not passing to classes . Following this news my ex got a job out of state and moved while I was trying to find a new career shift or professional degree to obtain I immediately landed two pharmacy school interviews about a month after applying and got accepted to one of the schools this career choice was never in my cards as I’ve always wanted to have a doctorate degree and work on that level. Few weeks after that me and my ex had separated officially and it took a bigger toll on me than expected and manifested in the worst ways possible for me . Instead of seeking therapy I copped in other ways. It impacted me financially I bought a brand new Mercedes that took most of my money I was impatient with my investments and sold majority of my bitcoin thinking it wouldn’t go up again (L move) my credit score went from 750+ to low 500’s by placing myself into 15k credit card debt paying for alcohol & weed (exponentially more than what I had before), clothes , and random vacations and dates with women from hinge and tinder all on top of student loans for grad school. I developed a sex addiction and added over 100 bodies in a span of 2 years . Had a panic attack that put me in the ER . All while dragging my way through pharmacy school (I’m more than capable of understanding and implementing the material into practice my study habits and focus were always elsewhere). Not to mention I think I have a social media addiction and my procrastination and laziness has led me to feel more anxious and depressed. My physical fitness and diet has suffered thought not entirely that’s pretty much the only positive habit I have since 2020. I just feel like my life is leading to a path of no return and I’ll be homeless one day. I need to turn things around I can’t always think I’ll catch up I have to get ahead and stay ahead. I want to be person that makes myself proud and inspire other young African American men or anyone who’s had odds stacked against them. How do I turn this around?

So ayun nga! Bigay pa ako ng ibang details kung bakit at paano ako nagduda sakanila ng pinsan nya. Unang una sa lahat his cousin is 16 or 17 that time, while he's 28 💀 I accidentally read their conversation sa Messenger na nag lalandian at nag iiloveyouhan. Believe me, it's not a typical convo ng opposite sex na magpinsan. Kapag nag aaway kami lagi niyang sinasabi or binabanggit out of nowhere yung pinsan niyang yun for example nalang is nung buntis ako LDR kami dahil kaka confess ko palang that time sa parents ko ng pregnancy ko.
quick backstory pa nyan: nung nalaman ko na buntis ako, magkasama kami at we went on a vacation pa. Nung pauwi na ko samin since Cavite ako at QC siya, di niya man lang ako hinatid nun samin kahit alam na niyang preggy ako.
While nasa bakasyon kami nag camping kami pero ayaw nya ako patulugin dun dahil buntis nga ako. Understandable naman pero hinayaan nya ko matulog sa room then siya sumama sa pinsan nya mag glamping sa tent. I was sick pa that time dahil sa morning sickness etc. Dun palang kaduda-duda na and isa pa dyan oapag nasa kanila kami mas gusto niya matulog dun sa kabilang bahay at iniiwan ako sa kwarto nya. But, sinarili ko lang yun lahat. I just started na magsabi nung time na nakapanganak na ko at sobrang gulo na. Believe me, I endured too much because I want to keep him and I badly wanted to have a complete family kasi yun ang dream ko eh, magkaroon ng buo at masayang pamilya.
If you're going to ask me sino nagsabi sakin ng about sakanila? Pinsan nya din. All along parehas pala kami ng hinala, hindi lang ako. Naconfirm nya din kasi ilang beses nya nahuhuli na naka-lock pinto ng silang dalawa lang dun sa kwarto. Well, i don't have choice na din naman that time. Pinatawad ko siya pero sabi nga nila hindi porket pinatawad mo kailangan mong bumalik sakanya. That time pinili ko nalang sarili ko. Ako naman kumbaga kasi grabe na yung trauma, depression, kalungkutan, disapppointments ang naendure ko just to save that relationship at mahal na mahal ko din kasi. At hindi rin kasi ako makapaniwala na, inabandona nya nalang ako ng ganun lang during my pregnancy. I still remember cravings ko ng madaling araw ako din bumibili kahit 2am or 3am na nun at binenta ko lahat ng gamit ko kasi pinagtatakpan ko sya sa family ko na hindi nya ko binibigyan ng pang check up etc. Binenta ko lahat ng meron ako para makabili din paunti unti ng needs ng baby ko at kahit may kakayahan family ko na manganak ako sa hospital, nag decide ako na manganak sa lying in kahit ilang beses ako dinugo at nagka UTI pa ko that time. I protected him kasi ayoko magalit sakanya family ko pero even though nalaman ng family ko yung kapabayaan nya sakin while I was pregnant, my family still treated him like a family like pinagluluto pa siya ng tatay ko etc.
Anyway ayun nga, pinatawad ko siya pero hindi na kami. Co parenting nalang kumbaga, never ko nilayo sakanya anak ko at most of the time kami pa pumupunta sakanila kapag gusto nila makita yung anak ko, sinabihan ko sya at sinabihan sya ng family ko na dalawin nya nalang yung anak ko dito anytime they want. But guess what? HE NEVER DID. NO EFFORT HAS BEEN MADE 😌 But still naging understanding pa din ako at considerate. Kapag may favor sila, laging go lang ako kahit ang laking inconvenience sa part ko..
5 years have passed. Okay okay na ako ngayon though still struggling financially pero napprovide ko naman kahit papano ang needs ng anak ko in my own way. My daughter is almost 5 y/o. Since 2024 came mejo naging gipit ako, kaya kinausap ko siya na baka kung pwede tulungan nya ko kahit 500 a week. YES, 500 a week 💀 nakakapagbigay sya pero laging may pakdaw tas ang reason niya is 'BAKA DI KO KAYA YAN KASI WALA NAMAN AKONG WORK' sabi ko ay ganun. Mga wala pa sigurong 2 months ang ganung set up pero may weeks na hindi talaga nakakapag bigay at napuno na ko sakanya! When my child needed his support, bihirang bihira sya mag deliver. Puro ang naririnig kong reasoning is "Di kasi ako nakadiskarte" ganto kasi ganyan. Alam nyo ba yun? 5 years na nakalipas but he's still in the same position as he were 5 years ago! Walang pagkukusa ng pagbibigay sa anak niya, hindi binibisita. Dumaan ang birthday, christmas, new year. Walang makita kahit anino nya. GRABE.
LATELY NAREALIZE KO NA WTF PANO KO TINANGGAP NA GANUN GANUN LANG SYA MAGING IRESPONSABLENG AMA? BAKIT PARANG AKO PA UMIINTINDI? BAKIT KAPAG KAILANGAN KO NG TULONG NYA FINANCIALLY PARA SA ANAK NAMIN, BAKIT PARANG AKO PA YUNG NAHIHIYANG LUMAPIT? PARANG BIGLANG NABUHUSAN AKO NG TUBIG SA MUKHA NA BAKIT KO INALLOW YUNG GANTO SA LOOB NG LIMANG TAON? GRABE! THE NERVE. GRABE NA YUNG CHAT KO SAKANYA AT ANG HABA NG MGA CHATS KO GALIT AKO AT MAY GUSTO AKO IPAUNAWA SAKANYA PERO HINDI AKO NAG BAD MOUTH. BUT STILL, NO REPLIES FROM HIM. INBOXZONED LANG BUT I SEE HIM REACTING SA RECENT POSTS NG FRIENDS NYA.
KAYA NGAYON, I'M PLANNING NA MAG SAMPA NG CASE SA WOMENS DESK. ECONOMIC ABUSE. Ang gusto ko lang itanong is gano katagal ang process? Paano ang process? Anong requirements na need kong dalhin para masampahan ko siya ng kaso?
NAKAKAPAGOD PALA Bigla akong naawa sa sarili ko na ganto palq ako kq people pleaser na kahit ako na dehado pero ako pa umuunawa at nagpapasensya. Kapagod pala ano? 😅

I am in serious need of guidance on a post breakup dating issue. A serious boyfriend (30) (Hank) and I (32) were together for 2 1/12 years and lived together for 1. We broke up in almost a year ago semi-amicably but stopped speaking 5 months ago.
Cut to now, I matched with a former co-worker of his on Hinge (Ben). Hank was “laid off” from that job in May 2023. However, they worked on the same team, interacted frequently while they worked together, and follow each other on Instagram but they do not have contact after Hank left that job (to my knowledge). My ex never liked Ben and would talk shit about him to me during our relationship so I was aware of their relation to one another.
Do I mention this to Ben at all or not? We have plans to get drinks later this week and I am conflicted. Hank is my ex and irrelevant to either of us since they no longer work together and haven’t for some time. On the other hand, it feels weird not mentioning it because I am allowing this guy to talk about himself and his job, some of which I already know via my ex. I had been playing dumb but he has since said where he works and the team/type of work he is in within the company (small team)...not to mention I have his first and last name and he is easily google-able.
I don’t want to come across as a crazy ex that is dating my ex-boyfriend’s former associates but I also don’t know that I owe him anything. I also want to give Ben a chance to bail if he thinks it’s strange. Keep in mind, when Hank and I were dating, I had gone to a few intimate dinner parties with partners and associates of the team but Ben was never there.
When is an appropriate time to bring this up?
P.S. (Read for additional background if interested + additional question:
Should I even pursue this at all? The chance of my ex and I getting back together is just about 0% but I low key still love him and in my delusional mind if I managed to really get my shit together maybe some fay we could...and I think that this would be something Hank (my ex) would find messed up as he feels as though Ben took his job from him (however unwarranted). I can't be certain but I think he may have even said it would bother him if we were to even break up and I were to start dating Ben. That being said, I know that they sexted while we were together (we had an open relationship but still). Additionally, I don't know where my ex and I even stand. I am assuming it isn't on good terms because he blocked my number (presumably because I called him a couple times post 3AM when I was drunk/high but I was messed up in the throws of a break up and that's typical toxic bs). I'm taking it to mean he is so over me and doesn't want to deal at all, thinks I am a mess, and couldn't care less. So more power to me? Part of me thinks, and hopes that he blocked me because he knew it was over and had to just make a clean break (I had heard he was having a bit if a life crisis shortly after our break up...not just bc of me but not nott bc of me)....I say this because for a few months after our break up we would text. Just about this and that. Nothing necessarily of substance but just little things. Also, right before he blocked me he had messaged me pictures of our old apartment and said "do you miss it?"...I think he was trying to reminisce but I'm not sure because I didn't respond, didn't plan to, and then called him drunk at 3AM. He didn't answer but then the next day when I texted him to apolgize for calling late (because I knew he hated that) he had blocked me and I found out he dropped off my childhood decorations at my brother's house rather than at mine.
Soooo it's over. I just can't help but hesitate because he did mean a lot to me and frankly he had some legit reasons for the break up. Not that I was cheating or anything but I was using drugs behind his back, which he was unaware of exactly but the affects of my behavior had repercussions (i.e. not wanting to have sex, being lazy, not being a proactive partner, not working out, etc.)....It's hard to say but I took it for granted..He was not saint either to be honest. He pushed for an open relationship that I didn't want but agreed because I was in love with him and I loved our connection.
Ok, I'm sorry. I got off topic. The question is - do I mention to this new guy that I used to date his former coworker? When do I bring it up, if at all? I had planned on playing dumb but feel as though I no longer can because it's been made crystal clear that they worked at the same company, at the same time, in the same group.

Just wanted to know if this is something I need to go to the vet for or just vet wrap at home and be done with it type of deal. Her red dot spot feels very soft, almost raw. Touching it did not seem to bother her and she did not seem to have any issue with walking on it. She wasn’t guarding it and just let me poke and prodded at it before taking photos
I don’t know how to attach pics but basically picture a regular paw pad that has a small half penny size round spot and it’s slightly red and indented
• ⁠Species: dog
• ⁠Age: 15 months
• ⁠Sex/Neuter status: female not yet spayed (waiting till 2)
• ⁠Breed: golden retriever
• ⁠Body weight: 50 pounds
• ⁠History: recent ear infection - yeast, otherwise healthy
• ⁠Clinical signs: licking paw for a long while while lying down next to me
• ⁠Duration: couple of minutes before I noticed and stopped it
• ⁠Your general location: northern Midwest United States
• ⁠Links to any test results, X-rays, vet reports etc. that you have: I have photos but I don’t know how to attach them

So ayun nga! Bigay pa ako ng ibang details kung bakit at paano ako nagduda sakanila ng pinsan nya. Unang una sa lahat his cousin is 16 or 17 that time, while he's 28 💀 I accidentally read their conversation sa Messenger na nag lalandian at nag iiloveyouhan. Believe me, it's not a typical convo ng opposite sex na magpinsan. Kapag nag aaway kami lagi niyang sinasabi or binabanggit out of nowhere yung pinsan niyang yun for example nalang is nung buntis ako LDR kami dahil kaka confess ko palang that time sa parents ko ng pregnancy ko.
quick backstory pa nyan: nung nalaman ko na buntis ako, magkasama kami at we went on a vacation pa. Nung pauwi na ko samin since Cavite ako at QC siya, di niya man lang ako hinatid nun samin kahit alam na niyang preggy ako.
While nasa bakasyon kami nag camping kami pero ayaw nya ako patulugin dun dahil buntis nga ako. Understandable naman pero hinayaan nya ko matulog sa room then siya sumama sa pinsan nya mag glamping sa tent. I was sick pa that time dahil sa morning sickness etc. Dun palang kaduda-duda na and isa pa dyan oapag nasa kanila kami mas gusto niya matulog dun sa kabilang bahay at iniiwan ako sa kwarto nya. But, sinarili ko lang yun lahat. I just started na magsabi nung time na nakapanganak na ko at sobrang gulo na. Believe me, I endured too much because I want to keep him and I badly wanted to have a complete family kasi yun ang dream ko eh, magkaroon ng buo at masayang pamilya.
If you're going to ask me sino nagsabi sakin ng about sakanila? Pinsan nya din. All along parehas pala kami ng hinala, hindi lang ako. Naconfirm nya din kasi ilang beses nya nahuhuli na naka-lock pinto ng silang dalawa lang dun sa kwarto. Well, i don't have choice na din naman that time. Pinatawad ko siya pero sabi nga nila hindi porket pinatawad mo kailangan mong bumalik sakanya. That time pinili ko nalang sarili ko. Ako naman kumbaga kasi grabe na yung trauma, depression, kalungkutan, disapppointments ang naendure ko just to save that relationship at mahal na mahal ko din kasi. At hindi rin kasi ako makapaniwala na, inabandona nya nalang ako ng ganun lang during my pregnancy. I still remember cravings ko ng madaling araw ako din bumibili kahit 2am or 3am na nun at binenta ko lahat ng gamit ko kasi pinagtatakpan ko sya sa family ko na hindi nya ko binibigyan ng pang check up etc. Binenta ko lahat ng meron ako para makabili din paunti unti ng needs ng baby ko at kahit may kakayahan family ko na manganak ako sa hospital, nag decide ako na manganak sa lying in kahit ilang beses ako dinugo at nagka UTI pa ko that time. I protected him kasi ayoko magalit sakanya family ko pero even though nalaman ng family ko yung kapabayaan nya sakin while I was pregnant, my family still treated him like a family like pinagluluto pa siya ng tatay ko etc.
Anyway ayun nga, pinatawad ko siya pero hindi na kami. Co parenting nalang kumbaga, never ko nilayo sakanya anak ko at most of the time kami pa pumupunta sakanila kapag gusto nila makita yung anak ko, sinabihan ko sya at sinabihan sya ng family ko na dalawin nya nalang yung anak ko dito anytime they want. But guess what? HE NEVER DID. NO EFFORT HAS BEEN MADE 😌 But still naging understanding pa din ako at considerate. Kapag may favor sila, laging go lang ako kahit ang laking inconvenience sa part ko..
5 years have passed. Okay okay na ako ngayon though still struggling financially pero napprovide ko naman kahit papano ang needs ng anak ko in my own way. My daughter is almost 5 y/o. Since 2024 came mejo naging gipit ako, kaya kinausap ko siya na baka kung pwede tulungan nya ko kahit 500 a week. YES, 500 a week 💀 nakakapagbigay sya pero laging may pakdaw tas ang reason niya is 'BAKA DI KO KAYA YAN KASI WALA NAMAN AKONG WORK' sabi ko ay ganun. Mga wala pa sigurong 2 months ang ganung set up pero may weeks na hindi talaga nakakapag bigay at napuno na ko sakanya! When my child needed his support, bihirang bihira sya mag deliver. Puro ang naririnig kong reasoning is "Di kasi ako nakadiskarte" ganto kasi ganyan. Alam nyo ba yun? 5 years na nakalipas but he's still in the same position as he were 5 years ago! Walang pagkukusa ng pagbibigay sa anak niya, hindi binibisita. Dumaan ang birthday, christmas, new year. Walang makita kahit anino nya. GRABE.
LATELY NAREALIZE KO NA WTF PANO KO TINANGGAP NA GANUN GANUN LANG SYA MAGING IRESPONSABLENG AMA? BAKIT PARANG AKO PA UMIINTINDI? BAKIT KAPAG KAILANGAN KO NG TULONG NYA FINANCIALLY PARA SA ANAK NAMIN, BAKIT PARANG AKO PA YUNG NAHIHIYANG LUMAPIT? PARANG BIGLANG NABUHUSAN AKO NG TUBIG SA MUKHA NA BAKIT KO INALLOW YUNG GANTO SA LOOB NG LIMANG TAON? GRABE! THE NERVE. GRABE NA YUNG CHAT KO SAKANYA AT ANG HABA NG MGA CHATS KO GALIT AKO AT MAY GUSTO AKO IPAUNAWA SAKANYA PERO HINDI AKO NAG BAD MOUTH. BUT STILL, NO REPLIES FROM HIM. INBOXZONED LANG BUT I SEE HIM REACTING SA RECENT POSTS NG FRIENDS NYA.
KAYA NGAYON, I'M PLANNING NA MAG SAMPA NG CASE SA WOMENS DESK. ECONOMIC ABUSE. Ang gusto ko lang itanong is gano katagal ang process? Paano ang process? Anong requirements na need kong dalhin para masampahan ko siya ng kaso?
NAKAKAPAGOD PALA Bigla akong naawa sa sarili ko na ganto palq ako kq people pleaser na kahit ako na dehado pero ako pa umuunawa at nagpapasensya. Kapagod pala ano? 😅

Yall, I’ve had this Reddit account for years but never actually used it. While enjoying my insomnia I decided to give it a whirl… and this shit is wild. After reading a ton of posts in this subreddit here are some things I think some of you need to know. (I’ve been with my husband for 10 years)
1.) Date him when you’re fat! - guys… the shear amount of posts where men can’t stand their wives weight and these women feel like they need to maintain the same body they had at 25 is INSANE! I’ve never been happier than I am tonight that my husband met me with a few extra pounds. 😂
2.) Find the unappreciated men! - if you’re looking for dudes who will love you for the long haul find the ones that flew under the radar! My husband is hot as hell, and is only getting better with age. He was a big kid and hit his glow up right before we met. He is humble and kind and women were stupid to pass him by.
3.) Suck it…. On more than his birthday
4.) Trade off on spoon positions! - don’t sleep on the power of being the big spoon! Im 5’4” and my husband is 6’2”. Sure his back is getting most of the love, but he keeps my boobs warm and he loves the change up.
5.) DO NOT LET FAMILY FUCK WITH YOUR RELATIONSHIP! - toxic family? Get your shit in order immediately! Communication is key with your partner and boundaries with family. You are each other’s priority. End of story.
6.) Rough times come in waves - You will continue to grow and change because that’s what humans do. Marriage means doing that together and often that comes at different times. Communication is crucial. Patience is a virtue, and sometimes you just gotta be the bigger person.
7.) Have hobbies and friends! - you don’t have to do everything together… seriously. You are still an individual! It’s ok to have your own time and space. My husband loves hiking. I would rather read in a hammock. He goes fishing and I would rather throw some clay. And that’s great! Have one or two things you love to do together, but don’t change everything about yourself to make someone happy. That’s dumb and will only lead to resentment.
8.) Own your sex life! - try new things, sit on his face, stick a finger somewhere… just laugh and enjoy 😉 ladies, I promise you that a true ride or die hubby will not care if your legs aren’t shaved and your thighs could crush a watermelon. Let go of those insecurities that are holding you back!
9.) Talk about kids/responsibilities BEFORE you get married! - I wanted kids, he didn’t. Accept that what your partner is telling you is what they mean! And then decide if they are worth the compromise. If you both want kids you damn sure better talk about childcare, chores, meals, money, etc. BEFORE you push out that bundle of potential divorce.
10.) You only get one life. - Really, just one… so make sure you’re with a person who you can look back in 40 years and think, damn… how lucky am I.