So, I haven't been able to play AWII up until now because I simply don't own a Series X or game on PC (I still game on a base Xbox One and 360). I'm a massive fan of the original game and the American Nightmare digital add-on. I even purchased the novelization of the original game, and downloaded the little live action mini series they made years ago. I stayed away as much as I could from playthroughs on YouTube as I didn't want to be spoiled in terms of story or gameplay. Happily, a friend of mine who owns both a Series X and the game let me take a spin on the game from the beginning. I felt so excited to sit down and play it, especially after hearing the rave (non-spoiler) reviews it got. I played for about three and a half hours before choosing to hang it up.
Now, before I say anything more, I just want to say that these are merely my own feelings, thoughts and opinions on the game. If you loved the game, I genuinely am glad for that. Not all games are going to appeal to everyone, and the decisions and changes Remedy made for the sequel were what they thought was best.
That being said, as much as it pains me to say, after giving it an honest chance, I find it simply is not for me. To be completely honest, I didn't like much of it. There were a few things I did like, such as the Dark Place version of NYC, and especially the updated version of Bright Falls, as the town itself was one thing I adored about the original game. Watery was also a welcome addition. And Coffee World flat out cracked me up. And I also liked the updated look of Wake, and the character of Alex Casey.
But that's about where my likes end. I will try and avoid any spoilers in my own personal criticisms. But, the massive change in tone from the first game was one thing I honestly didn't like. I very much liked the, what I can only describe as Action-Horror style of the original, over the flat out Horror style of AWII (And I say that as a horror writer myself!) Maybe it's simply because I've played the original since I was 20 years old in 2010 to now, but it was just too jarring for me. The best way to phrase it, was that it felt like it was trying to emulate the Resident Evil remakes too much. I also missed the cliche, somewhat cheesy 70s and 80s movie tone the original had as it went more serious. To me, that sort of sucked the fun out of things. The same with the whole concept of the cork board and connecting pictures together. With either Alan or Saga. It just wasn't my personal cup of tea. It slowed things down too much.
I also disliked the change in combat. Many people found the combat of the original to be tedious, but I personally liked the swarming enemy mechanics. I like the rush of panic as you swing Alan around, pointing the flashlight and trying to land your shots. Making the enemies much harder and fewer just felt less engaging and tense to me, and making them venerable bullet sponges also wasn't that enjoyable to me. In addition, I also missed the driving segments that the first game had. Again, I know others didn't enjoy them, but I personally did. Getting behind the wheel and ramming into the Taken was a highlight for me.
One other thing I wasn't a fan of either, was adding a new, playable character. I won't delve into this too much, as way too many people have muddied the waters over this as I've stumbled across YouTube videos with titles about it. Suffice to say, the actress who portrayed Saga Anderson did a great job, but, if it makes sense, in a game called Alan Wake II, his character was the one I wanted to play, not another, even if it was chosen for story direction.
Beyond that, I also missed the licensed soundtrack that the first game had. It made the game, to me at least, feel more connected to the real world, which always helps increase immersion. Plus, a game filled with songs by artists I love such as Roy Orbison, Poe, The Black Angels, Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds and more just was all that and a bag of chips. Plus, to be honest, I wasn't a big fan of the new rendition of the in game band Old Gods of Asgard. The original songs sounded genuinely like ones a 70s rock band would have put out 50 years ago; the ones I heard didn't. Maybe I didn't get far enough in to the game to find they were supposed to be new songs that the Anderson brothers recorded, but still.
Honestly, I think I would more have preferred the version of Alan Wake II we were supposed to get 13 or 14 years ago, before it was shelved. I watched that footage back again when I returned home tonight, and found myself enjoying watching it more than what I played.
Again, if you did enjoy the game, I am truly happy for you, as it makes all your lives that much more enjoyable. Please don't let my negative reaction detract from your positive one! Enjoy the game!
But, for me?
I think I'll just stick to playing the original and American Nightmare.

I am looking to speak with someone who has switched careers from a nurse to social work. I’ve been an LPN for over 17 years. I have a previous degree in Anthropology and am currently part-way through my LPN-RN bridging program with Athabasca U. I’m miserable as a nurse. I’m getting older, my body is physically destroyed and shift work is killing me. I got an acceptance letter this evening for a BSW program and I am conflicted as to whether or not I should do it. I would be entering into my 3rd year so it would only take me a couple years to finish. I’d love to hear from anyone else who made the same switch. I’m curious about the job market, pay, benefits, etc. I should also mention, I live in Alberta.

My sister (22) has been dating a guy (25) for almost four years now and over the last year has come to me multiple times to complain about her relationship. She even has gone as far as to write him a letter about why she wants to break up with him. Her complaints are valid and some of them are biggemore serious than others and every time she has come to me in tears. I’ve done everything I can to console her, I listen to her vent, listen to her cry, and she has painted a picture (to me) of being in distress. She complains that he doesn’t respect her boundaries ignores her doesn’t give her the attention she wants, and even has tried to pressure her into sex despite her expressing that she for religious reasons wants to wait till marriage. Well in the last few months she says she wants to marry him, but in the same breath tells me all of these red flags she has. I’m not going to list them all because its years of issues they’ve had. Two nights ago she calls me and tells me she thinks she wants to leave him, and considering everything she has told me I told her it may be what is best for her. She did NOT like this answer she flips completely and says that she didn’t expect me to be so ready to just agree and immediately goes into defending him. She started getting upset so I told her we can talk later because at this point its 2 am and we have work tomorrow. The next day she calls me back and I expect to start a new conversation but she immediately goes into telling me she didn’t want my advice. She just wanted to vent, and that I essentially have nothing of value to tell her. (This is her first boyfriend ever, I am almost 26 and have been dating for almost a decade. Venting is one thing but she doesn’t want me to say anything she wants me to sit back shut up and let her talk to me about the problems she has with her boyfriend for hours is another thing. When I ask her what she likes about him she says she doesn’t have to answer that bc this is her relationship, (which yes I don’t have a right to know but at the same time if you dont want my perspective then why call and text me about this?) I told her that she needs to think about her future if she will be happy with him long term if she cant see herself with him in ten years she may want to cut him loose bc he seems to bring her more distress than joy. I told her that she needs to figure it out for herself bc she says she doesn’t need my advice because its obvious. But like I said she has been on the fence about breaking up with him for seven months and then out of nowhere says she wants to marry him. Im trying to be a good older sister but I honestly don’t know what she wants so I told her to stop talking to me about it if I cant offer her anything and this isn’t my relationship then why am I being used as a sounding board? Im so emotionally drained from it and I cannot continuously put this strain on our relationship I love her and don’t want her to waste her time on someone who doesn’t seem to truly respect her. But I feel like shes intentionally twisting my words. I feel like an asshole and think I’m now shutting down her feeling comfortable talking to me but this just isn’t sustainable.
Tldr: my sister wont make a decision on wether to either marry or leave her boyfriend of 4 years and when I told her she may want to leave him she got upset and I told her to stop talking to me about it

LIBRA ZODIAC PREDICTIONS MAY 2024

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Me and my ex are currently doing no contact. She knows how much I love her as I already write her a very heartfelt letter saying so. We’ve talked about how we can’t see each other with other people and how much we love each other even after the breakup. Yet long story short me and my ex had a little drawn out break up. I tried to make things work for a month after she first broke up with me. She said she needed to be alone a month later. I kept calling her and she agreed to, up until about a week ago she asked for me to take a step back. I agreed and didn’t message her and her birthday went by within those days. I still didn’t message her. She saw me downtown that night and cried to me and vented and was mad that I didn’t wish her a happy birthday. She asked to apologize and meet up in person the night after. That night we only talked super formally and only about how we’re looking forward to healing.
My one concern is that through that whole conversation, I didn’t make it clear that I still want to try again for a relationship with her. Earlier that day when she had initially apologized for crying and venting to me, I responded with as heartfelt and mature of a response that I could give, including me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over,” then continuing to be optimistic about our healing processes. While I have made it know ever since our initial breakup two months ago up until a few days ago when we had that talk that I really want to make things work, I feel like given how I responded to her request for space, didn’t wish her a happy birthday, acknowledged that what we had is over, and me not even bringing up how I want to try again in the future will make her believe that I’m just truly completely over trying for her, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
For additional context, we had drawn out the breakup simply because we have so much love for one another other. We were each other’s first bf/gf. This whole process was all about her needing space and needing to be alone right now. She had said once or twice that if this is meant to be then it will be. Yet I’m scared that she might take me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over” as a sign of me not wanting to try anymore. She never gave me a direct statement of her saying how we are completely over. She had said enough times to me that this is a breakup. How she needs to be alone right now. How she needs her space. And she doesn’t know for how long. Yet I’m afraid that I might have said the wrong words and followed through with actions that don’t truly align with my true incentives. I can easily tell that the conversation that we had was all the closure that she needed to officially move on from me and to start living her life completely without me. She is a very healthy woman who looks at the world through a very healthy, optimistic and peaceful perspective. Due to this it seems like she wouldn't’ be the type to hold onto something like this after getting closure like that.
I only acted that way and didn’t speak to her and didn’t bring up any future aspirations of rekindling with her just do not disrupt her emotions any further as I know that this is a tough time for the both of us.I currently work with her yet she put her two weeks in already and I have my final shift with her this Sunday night. I’m contemplating if it’s a good idea for me to tell her one last time that I’m still interested in trying again in the future.
Should I use our last shift working together as an opportunity to tell her that I still want to try again for a relationship in the future? I really miss her and still love her and care about her deeply. This whole process has just been really hard and I feel the need to use this last in person chance as an opportunity to show her that I’m still interested in her. I feel like she’s the love of my life and I’ve told her that throughout the past 2 months. Please let me know if you guys think that this is a good idea.
​
TLDR: I feel as though I gave off the wrong impression with my ex over the past few days. Unintentionally letting her think that I’m completely done with her and wanting to move on when that couldn’t be further from the truth. She is a very mature, peaceful, healthy and optimistic woman, and given all of the closure that she just got combined with my misleading intentions, I fear that she will officially let me go given that I was the one who wanted to hold on and make things work when she first asked for space. I still really love her and care about her deeply and feel as though she’s the one for me. Should I use our last shift working together to tell her how I still want to try again for a relationship in the future?

Me and my ex are currently doing no contact. She knows how much I love her as I already write her a very heartfelt letter saying so. We’ve talked about how we can’t see each other with other people and how much we love each other even after the breakup. Yet long story short me and my ex had a little drawn out break up. I tried to make things work for a month after she first broke up with me. She said she needed to be alone a month later. I kept calling her and she agreed to, up until about a week ago she asked for me to take a step back. I agreed and didn’t message her and her birthday went by within those days. I still didn’t message her. She saw me downtown that night and cried to me and vented and was mad that I didn’t wish her a happy birthday. She asked to apologize and meet up in person the night after. That night we only talked super formally and only about how we’re looking forward to healing.
My one concern is that through that whole conversation, I didn’t make it clear that I still want to try again for a relationship with her. Earlier that day when she had initially apologized for crying and venting to me, I responded with as heartfelt and mature of a response that I could give, including me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over,” then continuing to be optimistic about our healing processes. While I have made it know ever since our initial breakup two months ago up until a few days ago when we had that talk that I really want to make things work, I feel like given how I responded to her request for space, didn’t wish her a happy birthday, acknowledged that what we had is over, and me not even bringing up how I want to try again in the future will make her believe that I’m just truly completely over trying for her, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
For additional context, we had drawn out the breakup simply because we have so much love for one another other. We were each other’s first bf/gf. This whole process was all about her needing space and needing to be alone right now. She had said once or twice that if this is meant to be then it will be. Yet I’m scared that she might take me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over” as a sign of me not wanting to try anymore. She never gave me a direct statement of her saying how we are completely over. She had said enough times to me that this is a breakup. How she needs to be alone right now. How she needs her space. And she doesn’t know for how long. Yet I’m afraid that I might have said the wrong words and followed through with actions that don’t truly align with my true incentives. I can easily tell that the conversation that we had was all the closure that she needed to officially move on from me and to start living her life completely without me. She is a very healthy woman who looks at the world through a very healthy, optimistic and peaceful perspective. Due to this it seems like she wouldn't’ be the type to hold onto something like this after getting closure like that.
I only acted that way and didn’t speak to her and didn’t bring up any future aspirations of rekindling with her just do not disrupt her emotions any further as I know that this is a tough time for the both of us.I currently work with her yet she put her two weeks in already and I have my final shift with her this Sunday night. I’m contemplating if it’s a good idea for me to tell her one last time that I’m still interested in trying again in the future.
Should I use our last shift working together as an opportunity to tell her that I still want to try again for a relationship in the future? I really miss her and still love her and care about her deeply. This whole process has just been really hard and I feel the need to use this last in person chance as an opportunity to show her that I’m still interested in her. I feel like she’s the love of my life and I’ve told her that throughout the past 2 months. Please let me know if you guys think that this is a good idea.
TLDR: I feel as though I gave off the wrong impression with my ex over the past few days. Unintentionally letting her think that I’m completely done with her and wanting to move on when that couldn’t be further from the truth. She is a very mature, peaceful, healthy and optimistic woman, and given all of the closure that she just got combined with my misleading intentions, I fear that she will officially let me go given that I was the one who wanted to hold on and make things work when she first asked for space. I still really love her and care about her deeply and feel as though she’s the one for me. Should I use our last shift working together to tell her how I still want to try again for a relationship in the future?

Every single night I've been mentally writing out the letters i would need to finish in my head before killing myself. I know I'll go until the end of this year at least for my family's sake but I also love both of my kitties. I genuinely can't watch them pass, one is getting older and I hope my family will love them for me. They're the only reason I made it this far. I didn't think I'd make it to 26. I'm already so tired and I want the year to be over so I can finally die. I can't stand myself anymore. I'm so tired of the noise. Of everyone and everything. I don't have any reason to live besides them. Seeing my first cat getting old this year sealed the deal. I 100% know if she died while I was alive id spiral. I wont plan and I'll just hurt my family more. I rather do it before so she can be with someone happier than me before that time comes. So I can pass in the least impactful way and put all my stuff in boxes for them and finish my letters and wills and leave it ready for them. It's just harder to be rational. It's getting harder to act fine.

Me and my ex are currently doing no contact. She knows how much I love her as I already write her a very heartfelt letter saying so. We’ve talked about how we can’t see each other with other people and how much we love each other even after the breakup. Yet long story short me and my ex had a little drawn out break up. I tried to make things work for a month after she first broke up with me. She said she needed to be alone a month later. I kept calling her and she agreed to, up until about a week ago she asked for me to take a step back. I agreed and didn’t message her and her birthday went by within those days. I still didn’t message her. She saw me downtown that night and cried to me and vented and was mad that I didn’t wish her a happy birthday. She asked to apologize and meet up in person the night after. That night we only talked super formally and only about how we’re looking forward to healing.
My one concern is that through that whole conversation, I didn’t make it clear that I still want to try again for a relationship with her. Earlier that day when she had initially apologized for crying and venting to me, I responded with as heartfelt and mature of a response that I could give, including me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over,” then continuing to be optimistic about our healing processes. While I have made it know ever since our initial breakup two months ago up until a few days ago when we had that talk that I really want to make things work, I feel like given how I responded to her request for space, didn’t wish her a happy birthday, acknowledged that what we had is over, and me not even bringing up how I want to try again in the future will make her believe that I’m just truly completely over trying for her, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
For additional context, we had drawn out the breakup simply because we have so much love for one another other. We were each other’s first bf/gf. This whole process was all about her needing space and needing to be alone right now. She had said once or twice that if this is meant to be then it will be. Yet I’m scared that she might take me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over” as a sign of me not wanting to try anymore. She never gave me a direct statement of her saying how we are completely over. She had said enough times to me that this is a breakup. How she needs to be alone right now. How she needs her space. And she doesn’t know for how long. Yet I’m afraid that I might have said the wrong words and followed through with actions that don’t truly align with my true incentives. I can easily tell that the conversation that we had was all the closure that she needed to officially move on from me and to start living her life completely without me. She is a very healthy woman who looks at the world through a very healthy, optimistic and peaceful perspective. Due to this it seems like she wouldn't’ be the type to hold onto something like this after getting closure like that.
I only acted that way and didn’t speak to her and didn’t bring up any future aspirations of rekindling with her just do not disrupt her emotions any further as I know that this is a tough time for the both of us.I currently work with her yet she put her two weeks in already and I have my final shift with her this Sunday night. I’m contemplating if it’s a good idea for me to tell her one last time that I’m still interested in trying again in the future.
Should I use our last shift working together as an opportunity to tell her that I still want to try again for a relationship in the future? I really miss her and still love her and care about her deeply. This whole process has just been really hard and I feel the need to use this last in person chance as an opportunity to show her that I’m still interested in her. I feel like she’s the love of my life and I’ve told her that throughout the past 2 months. Please let me know if you guys think that this is a good idea.
​
TLDR: I feel as though I gave off the wrong impression with my ex over the past few days. Unintentionally letting her think that I’m completely done with her and wanting to move on when that couldn’t be further from the truth. She is a very mature, peaceful, healthy and optimistic woman, and given all of the closure that she just got combined with my misleading intentions, I fear that she will officially let me go given that I was the one who wanted to hold on and make things work when she first asked for space. I still really love her and care about her deeply and feel as though she’s the one for me. Should I use our last shift working together to tell her how I still want to try again for a relationship in the future?

Me and my ex are currently doing no contact. She knows how much I love her as I already write her a very heartfelt letter saying so. We’ve talked about how we can’t see each other with other people and how much we love each other even after the breakup. Yet long story short me and my ex had a little drawn out break up. I tried to make things work for a month after she first broke up with me. She said she needed to be alone a month later. I kept calling her and she agreed to, up until about a week ago she asked for me to take a step back. I agreed and didn’t message her and her birthday went by within those days. I still didn’t message her. She saw me downtown that night and cried to me and vented and was mad that I didn’t wish her a happy birthday. She asked to apologize and meet up in person the night after. That night we only talked super formally and only about how we’re looking forward to healing.
My one concern is that through that whole conversation, I didn’t make it clear that I still want to try again for a relationship with her. Earlier that day when she had initially apologized for crying and venting to me, I responded with as heartfelt and mature of a response that I could give, including me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over,” then continuing to be optimistic about our healing processes. While I have made it know ever since our initial breakup two months ago up until a few days ago when we had that talk that I really want to make things work, I feel like given how I responded to her request for space, didn’t wish her a happy birthday, acknowledged that what we had is over, and me not even bringing up how I want to try again in the future will make her believe that I’m just truly completely over trying for her, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
For additional context, we had drawn out the breakup simply because we have so much love for one another other. We were each other’s first bf/gf. This whole process was all about her needing space and needing to be alone right now. She had said once or twice that if this is meant to be then it will be. Yet I’m scared that she might take me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over” as a sign of me not wanting to try anymore. She never gave me a direct statement of her saying how we are completely over. She had said enough times to me that this is a breakup. How she needs to be alone right now. How she needs her space. And she doesn’t know for how long. Yet I’m afraid that I might have said the wrong words and followed through with actions that don’t truly align with my true incentives. I can easily tell that the conversation that we had was all the closure that she needed to officially move on from me and to start living her life completely without me. She is a very healthy woman who looks at the world through a very healthy, optimistic and peaceful perspective. Due to this it seems like she wouldn't’ be the type to hold onto something like this after getting closure like that.
I only acted that way and didn’t speak to her and didn’t bring up any future aspirations of rekindling with her just do not disrupt her emotions any further as I know that this is a tough time for the both of us.I currently work with her yet she put her two weeks in already and I have my final shift with her this Sunday night. I’m contemplating if it’s a good idea for me to tell her one last time that I’m still interested in trying again in the future.
Should I use our last shift working together as an opportunity to tell her that I still want to try again for a relationship in the future? I really miss her and still love her and care about her deeply. This whole process has just been really hard and I feel the need to use this last in person chance as an opportunity to show her that I’m still interested in her. I feel like she’s the love of my life and I’ve told her that throughout the past 2 months. Please let me know if you guys think that this is a good idea.
​
TLDR: I feel as though I gave off the wrong impression with my ex over the past few days. Unintentionally letting her think that I’m completely done with her and wanting to move on when that couldn’t be further from the truth. She is a very mature, peaceful, healthy and optimistic woman, and given all of the closure that she just got combined with my misleading intentions, I fear that she will officially let me go given that I was the one who wanted to hold on and make things work when she first asked for space. I still really love her and care about her deeply and feel as though she’s the one for me. Should I use our last shift working together to tell her how I still want to try again for a relationship in the future?

Me and my ex are currently doing no contact. She knows how much I love her as I already write her a very heartfelt letter saying so. We’ve talked about how we can’t see each other with other people and how much we love each other even after the breakup. Yet long story short me and my ex had a little drawn out break up. I tried to make things work for a month after she first broke up with me. She said she needed to be alone a month later. I kept calling her and she agreed to, up until about a week ago she asked for me to take a step back. I agreed and didn’t message her and her birthday went by within those days. I still didn’t message her. She saw me downtown that night and cried to me and vented and was mad that I didn’t wish her a happy birthday. She asked to apologize and meet up in person the night after. That night we only talked super formally and only about how we’re looking forward to healing.
My one concern is that through that whole conversation, I didn’t make it clear that I still want to try again for a relationship with her. Earlier that day when she had initially apologized for crying and venting to me, I responded with as heartfelt and mature of a response that I could give, including me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over,” then continuing to be optimistic about our healing processes. While I have made it know ever since our initial breakup two months ago up until a few days ago when we had that talk that I really want to make things work, I feel like given how I responded to her request for space, didn’t wish her a happy birthday, acknowledged that what we had is over, and me not even bringing up how I want to try again in the future will make her believe that I’m just truly completely over trying for her, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
For additional context, we had drawn out the breakup simply because we have so much love for one another other. We were each other’s first bf/gf. This whole process was all about her needing space and needing to be alone right now. She had said once or twice that if this is meant to be then it will be. Yet I’m scared that she might take me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over” as a sign of me not wanting to try anymore. She never gave me a direct statement of her saying how we are completely over. She had said enough times to me that this is a breakup. How she needs to be alone right now. How she needs her space. And she doesn’t know for how long. Yet I’m afraid that I might have said the wrong words and followed through with actions that don’t truly align with my true incentives. I can easily tell that the conversation that we had was all the closure that she needed to officially move on from me and to start living her life completely without me. She is a very healthy woman who looks at the world through a very healthy, optimistic and peaceful perspective. Due to this it seems like she wouldn't’ be the type to hold onto something like this after getting closure like that.
I only acted that way and didn’t speak to her and didn’t bring up any future aspirations of rekindling with her just do not disrupt her emotions any further as I know that this is a tough time for the both of us.I currently work with her yet she put her two weeks in already and I have my final shift with her this Sunday night. I’m contemplating if it’s a good idea for me to tell her one last time that I’m still interested in trying again in the future.
Should I use our last shift working together as an opportunity to tell her that I still want to try again for a relationship in the future? I really miss her and still love her and care about her deeply. This whole process has just been really hard and I feel the need to use this last in person chance as an opportunity to show her that I’m still interested in her. I feel like she’s the love of my life and I’ve told her that throughout the past 2 months. Please let me know if you guys think that this is a good idea.
TLDR: I feel as though I gave off the wrong impression with my ex over the past few days. Unintentionally letting her think that I’m completely done with her and wanting to move on when that couldn’t be further from the truth. She is a very mature, peaceful, healthy and optimistic woman, and given all of the closure that she just got combined with my misleading intentions, I fear that she will officially let me go given that I was the one who wanted to hold on and make things work when she first asked for space. I still really love her and care about her deeply and feel as though she’s the one for me. Should I use our last shift working together to tell her how I still want to try again for a relationship in the future?

I understand that there is an inherently negative side to online dating and would prefer someone within a realistic travel range (if it's too far for you to go then what would make it closer for me xD) I work nights and sleep during the day so the size of my town has made it so I do not really come into contact with anybody
I'm 6'3" bald regular build black beard and hazel eyes willing to trade sfw pictures to gauge interest between us
Avid chess player so if you happen to also we should play a game
Also a fair advance warning, I'm rather dry but my active listening is a major strong point so I may not always carry the conversation but will always keep it pointed and moving
Love language is touch which isn't an option here but if we were to ever be together I don't want that to be a deal breaker (this is not speaking in the sexual aspect, I like being close, more like sitting near each other with some contact between us like a hand on a knee or such)

I wanted to sell my home but was just denied to buy the house I was interested in, my house has not been listed or has had pictures taken, I only met with my realtor once, when they came to my house and made me sign. I explained a can’t move until I find a secure home. He never mentioned I had to pay to cancel my contract.

Me and my ex are currently doing no contact. She knows how much I love her as I already write her a very heartfelt letter saying so. We’ve talked about how we can’t see each other with other people and how much we love each other even after the breakup. Yet long story short me and my ex had a little drawn out break up. I tried to make things work for a month after she first broke up with me. She said she needed to be alone a month later. I kept calling her and she agreed to, up until about a week ago she asked for me to take a step back. I agreed and didn’t message her and her birthday went by within those days. I still didn’t message her. She saw me downtown that night and cried to me and vented and was mad that I didn’t wish her a happy birthday. She asked to apologize and meet up in person the night after. That night we only talked super formally and only about how we’re looking forward to healing.
My one concern is that through that whole conversation, I didn’t make it clear that I still want to try again for a relationship with her. Earlier that day when she had initially apologized for crying and venting to me, I responded with as heartfelt and mature of a response that I could give, including me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over,” then continuing to be optimistic about our healing processes. While I have made it know ever since our initial breakup two months ago up until a few days ago when we had that talk that I really want to make things work, I feel like given how I responded to her request for space, didn’t wish her a happy birthday, acknowledged that what we had is over, and me not even bringing up how I want to try again in the future will make her believe that I’m just truly completely over trying for her, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
For additional context, we had drawn out the breakup simply because we have so much love for one another other. We were each other’s first bf/gf. This whole process was all about her needing space and needing to be alone right now. She had said once or twice that if this is meant to be then it will be. Yet I’m scared that she might take me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over” as a sign of me not wanting to try anymore. She never gave me a direct statement of her saying how we are completely over. She had said enough times to me that this is a breakup. How she needs to be alone right now. How she needs her space. And she doesn’t know for how long. Yet I’m afraid that I might have said the wrong words and followed through with actions that don’t truly align with my true incentives. I can easily tell that the conversation that we had was all the closure that she needed to officially move on from me and to start living her life completely without me. She is a very healthy woman who looks at the world through a very healthy, optimistic and peaceful perspective. Due to this it seems like she wouldn't’ be the type to hold onto something like this after getting closure like that.
I only acted that way and didn’t speak to her and didn’t bring up any future aspirations of rekindling with her just do not disrupt her emotions any further as I know that this is a tough time for the both of us.I currently work with her yet she put her two weeks in already and I have my final shift with her this Sunday night. I’m contemplating if it’s a good idea for me to tell her one last time that I’m still interested in trying again in the future.
Should I use our last shift working together as an opportunity to tell her that I still want to try again for a relationship in the future? I really miss her and still love her and care about her deeply. This whole process has just been really hard and I feel the need to use this last in person chance as an opportunity to show her that I’m still interested in her. I feel like she’s the love of my life and I’ve told her that throughout the past 2 months. Please let me know if you guys think that this is a good idea.
​
TLDR: I feel as though I gave off the wrong impression with my ex over the past few days. Unintentionally letting her think that I’m completely done with her and wanting to move on when that couldn’t be further from the truth. She is a very mature, peaceful, healthy and optimistic woman, and given all of the closure that she just got combined with my misleading intentions, I fear that she will officially let me go given that I was the one who wanted to hold on and make things work when she first asked for space. I still really love her and care about her deeply and feel as though she’s the one for me. Should I use our last shift working together to tell her how I still want to try again for a relationship in the future?

Me and my ex are currently doing no contact. She knows how much I love her as I already write her a very heartfelt letter saying so. We’ve talked about how we can’t see each other with other people and how much we love each other even after the breakup. Yet long story short me and my ex had a little drawn out break up. I tried to make things work for a month after she first broke up with me. She said she needed to be alone a month later. I kept calling her and she agreed to, up until about a week ago she asked for me to take a step back. I agreed and didn’t message her and her birthday went by within those days. I still didn’t message her. She saw me downtown that night and cried to me and vented and was mad that I didn’t wish her a happy birthday. She asked to apologize and meet up in person the night after. That night we only talked super formally and only about how we’re looking forward to healing.
My one concern is that through that whole conversation, I didn’t make it clear that I still want to try again for a relationship with her. Earlier that day when she had initially apologized for crying and venting to me, I responded with as heartfelt and mature of a response that I could give, including me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over,” then continuing to be optimistic about our healing processes. While I have made it know ever since our initial breakup two months ago up until a few days ago when we had that talk that I really want to make things work, I feel like given how I responded to her request for space, didn’t wish her a happy birthday, acknowledged that what we had is over, and me not even bringing up how I want to try again in the future will make her believe that I’m just truly completely over trying for her, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
For additional context, we had drawn out the breakup simply because we have so much love for one another other. We were each other’s first bf/gf. This whole process was all about her needing space and needing to be alone right now. She had said once or twice that if this is meant to be then it will be. Yet I’m scared that she might take me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over” as a sign of me not wanting to try anymore. She never gave me a direct statement of her saying how we are completely over. She had said enough times to me that this is a breakup. How she needs to be alone right now. How she needs her space. And she doesn’t know for how long. Yet I’m afraid that I might have said the wrong words and followed through with actions that don’t truly align with my true incentives. I can easily tell that the conversation that we had was all the closure that she needed to officially move on from me and to start living her life completely without me. She is a very healthy woman who looks at the world through a very healthy, optimistic and peaceful perspective. Due to this it seems like she wouldn't’ be the type to hold onto something like this after getting closure like that.
I only acted that way and didn’t speak to her and didn’t bring up any future aspirations of rekindling with her just do not disrupt her emotions any further as I know that this is a tough time for the both of us.I currently work with her yet she put her two weeks in already and I have my final shift with her this Sunday night. I’m contemplating if it’s a good idea for me to tell her one last time that I’m still interested in trying again in the future.
Should I use our last shift working together as an opportunity to tell her that I still want to try again for a relationship in the future? I really miss her and still love her and care about her deeply. This whole process has just been really hard and I feel the need to use this last in person chance as an opportunity to show her that I’m still interested in her. I feel like she’s the love of my life and I’ve told her that throughout the past 2 months. Please let me know if you guys think that this is a good idea.
TLDR: I feel as though I gave off the wrong impression with my ex over the past few days. Unintentionally letting her think that I’m completely done with her and wanting to move on when that couldn’t be further from the truth. She is a very mature, peaceful, healthy and optimistic woman, and given all of the closure that she just got combined with my misleading intentions, I fear that she will officially let me go given that I was the one who wanted to hold on and make things work when she first asked for space. I still really love her and care about her deeply and feel as though she’s the one for me. Should I use our last shift working together to tell her how I still want to try again for a relationship in the future?

Me and my ex are currently doing no contact. She knows how much I love her as I already write her a very heartfelt letter saying so. We’ve talked about how we can’t see each other with other people and how much we love each other even after the breakup. Yet long story short me and my ex had a little drawn out break up. I tried to make things work for a month after she first broke up with me. She said she needed to be alone a month later. I kept calling her and she agreed to, up until about a week ago she asked for me to take a step back. I agreed and didn’t message her and her birthday went by within those days. I still didn’t message her. She saw me downtown that night and cried to me and vented and was mad that I didn’t wish her a happy birthday. She asked to apologize and meet up in person the night after. That night we only talked super formally and only about how we’re looking forward to healing.
My one concern is that through that whole conversation, I didn’t make it clear that I still want to try again for a relationship with her. Earlier that day when she had initially apologized for crying and venting to me, I responded with as heartfelt and mature of a response that I could give, including me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over,” then continuing to be optimistic about our healing processes. While I have made it know ever since our initial breakup two months ago up until a few days ago when we had that talk that I really want to make things work, I feel like given how I responded to her request for space, didn’t wish her a happy birthday, acknowledged that what we had is over, and me not even bringing up how I want to try again in the future will make her believe that I’m just truly completely over trying for her, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
For additional context, we had drawn out the breakup simply because we have so much love for one another other. We were each other’s first bf/gf. This whole process was all about her needing space and needing to be alone right now. She had said once or twice that if this is meant to be then it will be. Yet I’m scared that she might take me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over” as a sign of me not wanting to try anymore. She never gave me a direct statement of her saying how we are completely over. She had said enough times to me that this is a breakup. How she needs to be alone right now. How she needs her space. And she doesn’t know for how long. Yet I’m afraid that I might have said the wrong words and followed through with actions that don’t truly align with my true incentives. I can easily tell that the conversation that we had was all the closure that she needed to officially move on from me and to start living her life completely without me. She is a very healthy woman who looks at the world through a very healthy, optimistic and peaceful perspective. Due to this it seems like she wouldn't’ be the type to hold onto something like this after getting closure like that.
I only acted that way and didn’t speak to her and didn’t bring up any future aspirations of rekindling with her just do not disrupt her emotions any further as I know that this is a tough time for the both of us.I currently work with her yet she put her two weeks in already and I have my final shift with her this Sunday night. I’m contemplating if it’s a good idea for me to tell her one last time that I’m still interested in trying again in the future.
Should I use our last shift working together as an opportunity to tell her that I still want to try again for a relationship in the future? I really miss her and still love her and care about her deeply. This whole process has just been really hard and I feel the need to use this last in person chance as an opportunity to show her that I’m still interested in her. I feel like she’s the love of my life and I’ve told her that throughout the past 2 months. Please let me know if you guys think that this is a good idea.
​
TLDR: I feel as though I gave off the wrong impression with my ex over the past few days. Unintentionally letting her think that I’m completely done with her and wanting to move on when that couldn’t be further from the truth. She is a very mature, peaceful, healthy and optimistic woman, and given all of the closure that she just got combined with my misleading intentions, I fear that she will officially let me go given that I was the one who wanted to hold on and make things work when she first asked for space. I still really love her and care about her deeply and feel as though she’s the one for me. Should I use our last shift working together to tell her how I still want to try again for a relationship in the future?

Me and my ex are currently doing no contact. She knows how much I love her as I already write her a very heartfelt letter saying so. We’ve talked about how we can’t see each other with other people and how much we love each other even after the breakup. Yet long story short me and my ex had a little drawn out break up. I tried to make things work for a month after she first broke up with me. She said she needed to be alone a month later. I kept calling her and she agreed to, up until about a week ago she asked for me to take a step back. I agreed and didn’t message her and her birthday went by within those days. I still didn’t message her. She saw me downtown that night and cried to me and vented and was mad that I didn’t wish her a happy birthday. She asked to apologize and meet up in person the night after. That night we only talked super formally and only about how we’re looking forward to healing.
My one concern is that through that whole conversation, I didn’t make it clear that I still want to try again for a relationship with her. Earlier that day when she had initially apologized for crying and venting to me, I responded with as heartfelt and mature of a response that I could give, including me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over,” then continuing to be optimistic about our healing processes. While I have made it know ever since our initial breakup two months ago up until a few days ago when we had that talk that I really want to make things work, I feel like given how I responded to her request for space, didn’t wish her a happy birthday, acknowledged that what we had is over, and me not even bringing up how I want to try again in the future will make her believe that I’m just truly completely over trying for her, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
For additional context, we had drawn out the breakup simply because we have so much love for one another other. We were each other’s first bf/gf. This whole process was all about her needing space and needing to be alone right now. She had said once or twice that if this is meant to be then it will be. Yet I’m scared that she might take me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over” as a sign of me not wanting to try anymore. She never gave me a direct statement of her saying how we are completely over. She had said enough times to me that this is a breakup. How she needs to be alone right now. How she needs her space. And she doesn’t know for how long. Yet I’m afraid that I might have said the wrong words and followed through with actions that don’t truly align with my true incentives. I can easily tell that the conversation that we had was all the closure that she needed to officially move on from me and to start living her life completely without me. She is a very healthy woman who looks at the world through a very healthy, optimistic and peaceful perspective. Due to this it seems like she wouldn't’ be the type to hold onto something like this after getting closure like that.
I only acted that way and didn’t speak to her and didn’t bring up any future aspirations of rekindling with her just do not disrupt her emotions any further as I know that this is a tough time for the both of us.I currently work with her yet she put her two weeks in already and I have my final shift with her this Sunday night. I’m contemplating if it’s a good idea for me to tell her one last time that I’m still interested in trying again in the future.
Should I use our last shift working together as an opportunity to tell her that I still want to try again for a relationship in the future? I really miss her and still love her and care about her deeply. This whole process has just been really hard and I feel the need to use this last in person chance as an opportunity to show her that I’m still interested in her. I feel like she’s the love of my life and I’ve told her that throughout the past 2 months. Please let me know if you guys think that this is a good idea.
​
TLDR: I feel as though I gave off the wrong impression with my ex over the past few days. Unintentionally letting her think that I’m completely done with her and wanting to move on when that couldn’t be further from the truth. She is a very mature, peaceful, healthy and optimistic woman, and given all of the closure that she just got combined with my misleading intentions, I fear that she will officially let me go given that I was the one who wanted to hold on and make things work when she first asked for space. I still really love her and care about her deeply and feel as though she’s the one for me. Should I use our last shift working together to tell her how I still want to try again for a relationship in the future?

Me and my ex are currently doing no contact. She knows how much I love her as I already write her a very heartfelt letter saying so. We’ve talked about how we can’t see each other with other people and how much we love each other even after the breakup. Yet long story short me and my ex had a little drawn out break up. I tried to make things work for a month after she first broke up with me. She said she needed to be alone a month later. I kept calling her and she agreed to, up until about a week ago she asked for me to take a step back. I agreed and didn’t message her and her birthday went by within those days. I still didn’t message her. She saw me downtown that night and cried to me and vented and was mad that I didn’t wish her a happy birthday. She asked to apologize and meet up in person the night after. That night we only talked super formally and only about how we’re looking forward to healing.
My one concern is that through that whole conversation, I didn’t make it clear that I still want to try again for a relationship with her. Earlier that day when she had initially apologized for crying and venting to me, I responded with as heartfelt and mature of a response that I could give, including me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over,” then continuing to be optimistic about our healing processes. While I have made it know ever since our initial breakup two months ago up until a few days ago when we had that talk that I really want to make things work, I feel like given how I responded to her request for space, didn’t wish her a happy birthday, acknowledged that what we had is over, and me not even bringing up how I want to try again in the future will make her believe that I’m just truly completely over trying for her, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
For additional context, we had drawn out the breakup simply because we have so much love for one another other. We were each other’s first bf/gf. This whole process was all about her needing space and needing to be alone right now. She had said once or twice that if this is meant to be then it will be. Yet I’m scared that she might take me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over” as a sign of me not wanting to try anymore. She never gave me a direct statement of her saying how we are completely over. She had said enough times to me that this is a breakup. How she needs to be alone right now. How she needs her space. And she doesn’t know for how long. Yet I’m afraid that I might have said the wrong words and followed through with actions that don’t truly align with my true incentives. I can easily tell that the conversation that we had was all the closure that she needed to officially move on from me and to start living her life completely without me. She is a very healthy woman who looks at the world through a very healthy, optimistic and peaceful perspective. Due to this it seems like she wouldn't’ be the type to hold onto something like this after getting closure like that.
I only acted that way and didn’t speak to her and didn’t bring up any future aspirations of rekindling with her just do not disrupt her emotions any further as I know that this is a tough time for the both of us.I currently work with her yet she put her two weeks in already and I have my final shift with her this Sunday night. I’m contemplating if it’s a good idea for me to tell her one last time that I’m still interested in trying again in the future.
Should I use our last shift working together as an opportunity to tell her that I still want to try again for a relationship in the future? I really miss her and still love her and care about her deeply. This whole process has just been really hard and I feel the need to use this last in person chance as an opportunity to show her that I’m still interested in her. I feel like she’s the love of my life and I’ve told her that throughout the past 2 months. Please let me know if you guys think that this is a good idea.
​
TLDR: I feel as though I gave off the wrong impression with my ex over the past few days. Unintentionally letting her think that I’m completely done with her and wanting to move on when that couldn’t be further from the truth. She is a very mature, peaceful, healthy and optimistic woman, and given all of the closure that she just got combined with my misleading intentions, I fear that she will officially let me go given that I was the one who wanted to hold on and make things work when she first asked for space. I still really love her and care about her deeply and feel as though she’s the one for me. Should I use our last shift working together to tell her how I still want to try again for a relationship in the future?

Me and my ex are currently doing no contact. She knows how much I love her as I already write her a very heartfelt letter saying so. We’ve talked about how we can’t see each other with other people and how much we love each other even after the breakup. Yet long story short me and my ex had a little drawn out break up. I tried to make things work for a month after she first broke up with me. She said she needed to be alone a month later. I kept calling her and she agreed to, up until about a week ago she asked for me to take a step back. I agreed and didn’t message her and her birthday went by within those days. I still didn’t message her. She saw me downtown that night and cried to me and vented and was mad that I didn’t wish her a happy birthday. She asked to apologize and meet up in person the night after. That night we only talked super formally and only about how we’re looking forward to healing.
My one concern is that through that whole conversation, I didn’t make it clear that I still want to try again for a relationship with her. Earlier that day when she had initially apologized for crying and venting to me, I responded with as heartfelt and mature of a response that I could give, including me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over,” then continuing to be optimistic about our healing processes. While I have made it know ever since our initial breakup two months ago up until a few days ago when we had that talk that I really want to make things work, I feel like given how I responded to her request for space, didn’t wish her a happy birthday, acknowledged that what we had is over, and me not even bringing up how I want to try again in the future will make her believe that I’m just truly completely over trying for her, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
For additional context, we had drawn out the breakup simply because we have so much love for one another other. We were each other’s first bf/gf. This whole process was all about her needing space and needing to be alone right now. She had said once or twice that if this is meant to be then it will be. Yet I’m scared that she might take me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over” as a sign of me not wanting to try anymore. She never gave me a direct statement of her saying how we are completely over. She had said enough times to me that this is a breakup. How she needs to be alone right now. How she needs her space. And she doesn’t know for how long. Yet I’m afraid that I might have said the wrong words and followed through with actions that don’t truly align with my true incentives. I can easily tell that the conversation that we had was all the closure that she needed to officially move on from me and to start living her life completely without me. She is a very healthy woman who looks at the world through a very healthy, optimistic and peaceful perspective. Due to this it seems like she wouldn't’ be the type to hold onto something like this after getting closure like that.
I only acted that way and didn’t speak to her and didn’t bring up any future aspirations of rekindling with her just do not disrupt her emotions any further as I know that this is a tough time for the both of us.I currently work with her yet she put her two weeks in already and I have my final shift with her this Sunday night. I’m contemplating if it’s a good idea for me to tell her one last time that I’m still interested in trying again in the future.
Should I use our last shift working together as an opportunity to tell her that I still want to try again for a relationship in the future? I really miss her and still love her and care about her deeply. This whole process has just been really hard and I feel the need to use this last in person chance as an opportunity to show her that I’m still interested in her. I feel like she’s the love of my life and I’ve told her that throughout the past 2 months. Please let me know if you guys think that this is a good idea.
​
TLDR: I feel as though I gave off the wrong impression with my ex over the past few days. Unintentionally letting her think that I’m completely done with her and wanting to move on when that couldn’t be further from the truth. She is a very mature, peaceful, healthy and optimistic woman, and given all of the closure that she just got combined with my misleading intentions, I fear that she will officially let me go given that I was the one who wanted to hold on and make things work when she first asked for space. I still really love her and care about her deeply and feel as though she’s the one for me. Should I use our last shift working together to tell her how I still want to try again for a relationship in the future?

This is a long read sorry!
Hi, I (22F) literally just joined, I have been on reddit for a while now, I post here or there but I really need the grace that only reddit seems to have, kisses but you know it's true. So, I guess, I am screaming into the void, because the truth is I am so gutturally confused.
Like the title says- I have always fantasized of being a flower child, a changeling, of turning towards the corner of the yard, the woods beckoning me to run away, the gentleness of which the coyotes would pick my bones clean. My childhood felt like a house fire only I could see.
My father's nightcap of whiskey got less and less watered down as nights were uncomfortable to spend on the family room couch. The one that he fiercely protects, once threatening my friend who mistakenly lounged in his spot. My mother's love felt scarce, a luxury only my younger sister could afford. Between that and her ambition to become the first nurse and college graduate of both families, I was more of my father's daughter. My younger sister and I were doll-like children, meek and polite to the price of our own dignity and self. To give a brief snapshot of what it was like being raised by them \~ even though "I'm remembering it all wrong, or not at all" I will try to go in chronological order, but you can quickly see most of these were not isolated incidents and I jump around:
-daily spankings because of crying during daycare drop off (fair technique)
-tricking us out of the "broken" car, in the rain on a dirt road "get gas" and proceeded to speed past us laughing as we ran after his taillights in the mud, we were in another country, on a solo trip with just our dad, we were both elementary school age.
-In elementary school and 6th grade I lived in a sweatshirt because when I hit puberty. I pleaded to my mother how hard it was to hear my father's constant comments about my womanhood and new body. He started to compare me to a hooker around this time, calling me a slut for trying to wear what my friends wore to school- leggings, shorts shorter than the knee but not offensively short I promise, though I strongly feel as clothing does not mean consent.
-For as long as I can remember, he would take pictures of us when we looked embarrassed then show it to family, friends, whoever in conversation in front of us then scold us when we inevitably felt bad or asked him to stop. He would also promise to delete the photo but would continue the previously mentioned above.
-So far, I have just been harping on my father, but the truth is they are a match made in hell, and though I feel like my mother is a victim in her own way. It was very hard to exist without their constant horrible comments about my appearance and character. They both shamed skinny children to be thinner, critiqued my body through puberty, and felt entitled to touch my body when and how they wanted. Examples include my father's frequent ass grabbing, and then allowing his adult male friend to do the same.
-They both would ridicule me for working minimum wage jobs in high school, while my father funnels out of my sister and I's joint accounts, only when we confront him does he fess that he required the money we earned for ourselves for the "mortgage". He continues as well as set monetary account goals, right before trips or plans, he would always be surprised that we had managed to scrape together enough money. He expects me to find a place that will fire and schedule me on a winter vacation, or to amount 5k in less than 3 months, while paying for my own necessities, thank you for teaching me to live on frugality as a means of survival.
-The name calling I touched on, but I would be the first to come home from school, my father would take his lunch to come home and berate me verbally of how much of a loser I am and will continue to be. The verbal arguments were daily, I fully admit to yelling back but in truth I couldn't leave his spewing red face hurling threats, I had to stay glued in place until he had his fill.
-Another solo trip with my father and sister, my mother had cleaned my room while we were away and had found my treasures- vapes, two beers. I got pulled out of the running shower to be beaten on and off through the night whenever my father took a break from tv, my sister sob in the room with my father to stop and I sat on the couch until morning. We had a tourist excursion the next day and I got it again before we left because I was not to "ruining the rest of his vacation with my bad attitude"
-They locked away my childhood cat, sick with cancer, to die alone in the basement so she would ruin their floors with her incontinence. When she passed, they did not tell me, they buried her in the woods behind our house, I wish I could lay beside her, I'm sorry little one.
-My father would come home and yell at me for not having dinner ready for him, because when my mother worked late or was not home, the next one responsible for dinner was my younger sister or me.
-He physically corners us or refuses to let us leave. Threatened my life when I tried to leave the house during an argument.
-Put his hand through the door a couple of times because I “gave attitude” by responding with ok. Readers, please note I am capable of attitude, but this was not the case, I was scared, and I just wanted to give him whatever answer he wanted
-I'm a summer birthday, so for my big 21st I had my cousin, bf and sister have a pool party in my parents' pool. No one told me the plan all day. I was told to just relax by everyone, because normally I would be running around serving people or helping my parents. No one told me anything, so we played some games in the yard, had some wine coolers and then swam. My father flies outside and starts yelling at me from the side of the pool to get my ass out and blow out my candles because he needs to drive my cousin 20 minutes home each way. So, I blew out my candles, soaking wet staring daggers because my father has always managed to underplay or make me feel bad on my birthday too? Another grievance from my 21st birthday is that my father grilled frozen steaks, and I truly do not want to seem like a stuck-up princess, but he proceeded to buy 300$ of food from my favorite restaurant and his favorite food is steak not mine. Note his birthday is the next day following mine.
I may post in regard to the tribulation that was my childhood in this thread again, but it takes a lot out of me, and I have already had myself a day sorry. Now you're all caught up and I just want you to know-
I have long ruminated over my own words and actions; though I have many regrets I do not feel ashamed of my choices or who I am because I try to treat everyone with kindness and most importantly respectability. I know the lengths my immigrant parents have gone through to build themselves a life. I know the struggles my father had with his father, the alcoholic who raised him with cruelty reserved for not even a barn animal. I know that my mother lived in the shadows as a neglected middle child hoping to find someone who realized all her good in the way her parents did not. I can see and understand that I carry the same wounds, and now it is within my responsibility to be better.
So, my relationship with my parents is strained right now. I have been in low contact with my mother and father for nearly four years, with periods of better contact. We have tried therapy, though it's difficult as my mother uses this as an opportunity to explore her wounds rather than our history or relationship. Though the therapist was helpful in directing the conversation back, I believe that the work can only happen with the person wanting to actually work on themselves, so I feel like I am at a frustrating impasse.
Every time I feel like I can take out a brick between the wall I keep between us, my mother will say something that makes me build another layer. I try not to be sensitive, yet I know my mother likes to cut with her words, though she claims otherwise. In a recent conversation my mother admitted that my father and she spent a great effort in making sure my beauty did not go to my head and did this in order to keep me humble.
For context, my mother’s side of the family does not like my father, and this along with other childhood issues festering into adulthood drove a wedge between my mother and her younger brother. His recent divorce and my mother’s empty nest have given them much time and space to rekindle their sibling relationship. So on our already strained phone calls she hits me with these metaphors of her brother and her relationship to ours. Am I off for thinking that those are two very different relationships, yet both have.. Jealousy? Furthermore, I feel a looney because I am fighting to keep them in my life, and they are fighting to be right.? To be absolved of the guilt and shame that maybe they did do the wrong thing.?
What gives them the right? When we all have to lay away at night with our guilt you want me to hold yours? I want a mother and they want a guiltless soul
Truthfully, I do not know what kind of future lies ahead for us. I think I grieve having bullies instead of parents, of what I missed out on and who I could have been. Like I said I am low contact right now, but after a normal phone call talking about the weather and our pets today, I had an anxiety attack to the point I fought to stay conscious. This has not been the first time I have fainted due to anxiety, mostly surrounding situations that remind me of them or things they punished or did to me in the past. The day after I wished my father a happy birthday after a year of no contact, I got two pills of ativan to the face after a ER visit in which they thought my poor bf was trafficking me. Though this is maybe too much, I am always sweating, my sides literally pour, my hands shake, and I can string together a sentence if I try. I feel like a different person, a moist, meek person.. which is not me, I self tattoo and pierce, I can and have tackled an attacking dog and I have punched touchy men square in the nose. I’m tough because I fought tooth and nail to be kind and gentle, we rescued cats and recently a possum, and we let out spiders and bugs, so our cats don’t terrorize them.
Here’s the thing… we’re getting married!
We’re tying the knot in the woods at the end of May, but I feel like an asshole because I have not told my parents. They know we’re engaged.
My mother, in a recent phone call, told me of this travel nurse that she had gotten close to, that was getting married soon, and invited my mother to go dress shopping with her. My mother told me how sad this girl felt that her family was all the way across the country, coincidently much like we are. This felt like she was guilting me, but she went so far as to send me a picture of a couple, I didn’t verify who it actually was.
Another issue is I am dealing with the guilt of getting a ring and bands elsewhere. My father is a high-end jeweler whose work has been showcased by celebs, my whole life I heard that my father was going to design and make my engagement ring. After long consideration, we picked out a ring from Madrid that felt more like me. When I look at my wedding rings I want to think of my husband not my father. I am more than happy with anything else, rings for other occasions, but it makes my skin crawl and my stomach curling because part of me feels as if it's more of a collar than a ring then.
My mother wants to meet over memorial weekend, she wants me to fly out a day to visit before I’m getting married.
I do not know if I should facetime them and break the news before, after or invite them. It’s already last minute so airfare will be expensive, but I know they are going to be so heartbroken. Part of me does not want them there either because I have felt alone my whole life, I figured I would do my wedding the same way, though it's hard because my fiancé's family will be there, and I will have no one. I wish I could hire a friend... lol typed that with a tear in my eye that's ironic.
Suggestions please

Me and my ex are currently doing no contact. She knows how much I love her as I already write her a very heartfelt letter saying so. We’ve talked about how we can’t see each other with other people and how much we love each other even after the breakup. Yet long story short me and my ex had a little drawn out break up. I tried to make things work for a month after she first broke up with me. She said she needed to be alone a month later. I kept calling her and she agreed to, up until about a week ago she asked for me to take a step back. I agreed and didn’t message her and her birthday went by within those days. I still didn’t message her. She saw me downtown that night and cried to me and vented and was mad that I didn’t wish her a happy birthday. She asked to apologize and meet up in person the night after. That night we only talked super formally and only about how we’re looking forward to healing.
My one concern is that through that whole conversation, I didn’t make it clear that I still want to try again for a relationship with her. Earlier that day when she had initially apologized for crying and venting to me, I responded with as heartfelt and mature of a response that I could give, including me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over,” then continuing to be optimistic about our healing processes. While I have made it know ever since our initial breakup two months ago up until a few days ago when we had that talk that I really want to make things work, I feel like given how I responded to her request for space, didn’t wish her a happy birthday, acknowledged that what we had is over, and me not even bringing up how I want to try again in the future will make her believe that I’m just truly completely over trying for her, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
For additional context, we had drawn out the breakup simply because we have so much love for one another other. We were each other’s first bf/gf. This whole process was all about her needing space and needing to be alone right now. She had said once or twice that if this is meant to be then it will be. Yet I’m scared that she might take me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over” as a sign of me not wanting to try anymore. She never gave me a direct statement of her saying how we are completely over. She had said enough times to me that this is a breakup. How she needs to be alone right now. How she needs her space. And she doesn’t know for how long. Yet I’m afraid that I might have said the wrong words and followed through with actions that don’t truly align with my true incentives. I can easily tell that the conversation that we had was all the closure that she needed to officially move on from me and to start living her life completely without me. She is a very healthy woman who looks at the world through a very healthy, optimistic and peaceful perspective. Due to this it seems like she wouldn't’ be the type to hold onto something like this after getting closure like that.
I only acted that way and didn’t speak to her and didn’t bring up any future aspirations of rekindling with her just do not disrupt her emotions any further as I know that this is a tough time for the both of us.I currently work with her yet she put her two weeks in already and I have my final shift with her this Sunday night. I’m contemplating if it’s a good idea for me to tell her one last time that I’m still interested in trying again in the future.
Should I use our last shift working together as an opportunity to tell her that I still want to try again for a relationship in the future? I really miss her and still love her and care about her deeply. This whole process has just been really hard and I feel the need to use this last in person chance as an opportunity to show her that I’m still interested in her. I feel like she’s the love of my life and I’ve told her that throughout the past 2 months. Please let me know if you guys think that this is a good idea.
​
TLDR: I feel as though I gave off the wrong impression with my ex over the past few days. Unintentionally letting her think that I’m completely done with her and wanting to move on when that couldn’t be further from the truth. She is a very mature, peaceful, healthy and optimistic woman, and given all of the closure that she just got combined with my misleading intentions, I fear that she will officially let me go given that I was the one who wanted to hold on and make things work when she first asked for space. I still really love her and care about her deeply and feel as though she’s the one for me. Should I use our last shift working together to tell her how I still want to try again for a relationship in the future?

Me and my ex are currently doing no contact. She knows how much I love her as I already write her a very heartfelt letter saying so. We’ve talked about how we can’t see each other with other people and how much we love each other even after the breakup. Yet long story short me and my ex had a little drawn out break up. I tried to make things work for a month after she first broke up with me. She said she needed to be alone a month later. I kept calling her and she agreed to, up until about a week ago she asked for me to take a step back. I agreed and didn’t message her and her birthday went by within those days. I still didn’t message her. She saw me downtown that night and cried to me and vented and was mad that I didn’t wish her a happy birthday. She asked to apologize and meet up in person the night after. That night we only talked super formally and only about how we’re looking forward to healing.
My one concern is that through that whole conversation, I didn’t make it clear that I still want to try again for a relationship with her. Earlier that day when she had initially apologized for crying and venting to me, I responded with as heartfelt and mature of a response that I could give, including me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over,” then continuing to be optimistic about our healing processes. While I have made it know ever since our initial breakup two months ago up until a few days ago when we had that talk that I really want to make things work, I feel like given how I responded to her request for space, didn’t wish her a happy birthday, acknowledged that what we had is over, and me not even bringing up how I want to try again in the future will make her believe that I’m just truly completely over trying for her, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
For additional context, we had drawn out the breakup simply because we have so much love for one another other. We were each other’s first bf/gf. This whole process was all about her needing space and needing to be alone right now. She had said once or twice that if this is meant to be then it will be. Yet I’m scared that she might take me saying “While I’m aware that what we had is over” as a sign of me not wanting to try anymore. She never gave me a direct statement of her saying how we are completely over. She had said enough times to me that this is a breakup. How she needs to be alone right now. How she needs her space. And she doesn’t know for how long. Yet I’m afraid that I might have said the wrong words and followed through with actions that don’t truly align with my true incentives. I can easily tell that the conversation that we had was all the closure that she needed to officially move on from me and to start living her life completely without me. She is a very healthy woman who looks at the world through a very healthy, optimistic and peaceful perspective. Due to this it seems like she wouldn't’ be the type to hold onto something like this after getting closure like that.
I only acted that way and didn’t speak to her and didn’t bring up any future aspirations of rekindling with her just do not disrupt her emotions any further as I know that this is a tough time for the both of us.I currently work with her yet she put her two weeks in already and I have my final shift with her this Sunday night. I’m contemplating if it’s a good idea for me to tell her one last time that I’m still interested in trying again in the future.
Should I use our last shift working together as an opportunity to tell her that I still want to try again for a relationship in the future? I really miss her and still love her and care about her deeply. This whole process has just been really hard and I feel the need to use this last in person chance as an opportunity to show her that I’m still interested in her. I feel like she’s the love of my life and I’ve told her that throughout the past 2 months. Please let me know if you guys think that this is a good idea.
TLDR: I feel as though I gave off the wrong impression with my ex over the past few days. Unintentionally letting her think that I’m completely done with her and wanting to move on when that couldn’t be further from the truth. She is a very mature, peaceful, healthy and optimistic woman, and given all of the closure that she just got combined with my misleading intentions, I fear that she will officially let me go given that I was the one who wanted to hold on and make things work when she first asked for space. I still really love her and care about her deeply and feel as though she’s the one for me. Should I use our last shift working together to tell her how I still want to try again for a relationship in the future?