Text forwards

This is a long one and it happened back in 2019, but I still don't know if I was the a-hole or just trying to be a good friend.
For context: In January 2011, my ex (M) and I (F) started dating in high school. We were off and on for most of 8 years but he broke it off for good in January 2019. Throughout our relationship, we had arguments, lying, and mistreatment, but we kept coming back to each other. We probably should have stayed away from each other, but we were teenagers and didn't know what we were doing. Ultimately, there were no blatant red flags like abuse or violence, we just weren't meant for each other.
After the breakup, I moved back home with my parents at 23 and my ex stayed at our apartment with some other roommates. I kept my distance because I was heartbroken. We spent 8 years together. I thought we would get married and have a family together. Of course, that didn't happen. Since we ran in the same circles, I would hear about his life and he would hear about mine, and sometimes we would bump into each other. My neighbors happened to be his childhood best friend's parents, so he was brought up often. They said I needed to give him just one more chance because they thought we belonged together, but I was hesitant. In April 2019, he called and asked me out to dinner so we could talk, and I agreed. I thought maybe we could just have a nice dinner and restore the friendship, but that's not what happened. We had a great dinner and conversation, then he suddenly started talking about marriage and showing me pictures of rings. I told him that's not what I wanted, and I could tell it broke his heart. I thought if he had miraculously changed in the prior three months, maybe we could work things out, but I could tell it just wasn't right. We didn't talk for a while after that.
Flash forward a few months to July, I was planning my birthday party. My ex's best friend's older sister offered me her beach house to throw an overnight birthday party, and I was ecstatic! I had been talking to a new guy, I reconnected with an old coworker who was a good friend, and it all felt like a new start. The sister mentioned my ex, and I froze up. She talked about how she knew we weren't going to end up together, but that he still cared about me as a friend because we had known each other for so long. She also mentioned that since her younger brother would be there (I was close friends with him, too), it might be nice to invite my ex so the guys could hang out and the girls could hang out. I reached out to my ex, invited him to the party, and made it clear it was just as friends. He said he understood and was glad I invited him. He showed up super late to the party but brought me my favorite beverages and candy so I said thank you and continued to hang out. Later in the night, the guy I was seeing mentioned something to me about my ex not liking him. I was honest and said that I had dated him for 8 years but we were just friends at this point. The guy brushed it off and everyone had a good night. Well, everyone but my ex. The next morning I woke up to see he had disappeared. When I asked the older sister what happened, she was emotional. She said my ex had planned a really sweet proposal but I had gone to bed earlier than he thought I would. He thought of waking me up to do it only to see I was curled up in bed with the other guy. I felt awful, but at the same time, WE WERE BROKEN UP! How was I supposed to know he was going to talk about marriage and propose a SECOND time?
Do I learn my lesson? Nope. In October 2019, I had been seeing the new guy for a few months and I was happy. Didn't think about my ex, didn't talk to my ex, didn't even entertain conversations about him. He randomly reached out to me one day asking if we could just talk to get closure, and I thought this would be the end of things once and for all. We sat down at a picnic table, and he started crying. I knew it was a mistake, I shouldn't have met up with him. He showed me pictures of engagement rings and asked for me to come back and be with him. I said no, told him meeting up was a mistake, and left.
Do I learn my lesson that time? Nope. At this point it's completely on me to keep falling for this trap. A friend (F) and I were moving in January of 2020 and my ex had a truck. Things didn't work out with the guy I was seeing, so my friend and I asked my ex if he could help us. This time, he and I had been chatting for a few weeks and things were good. We were talking like friends and the conversation was never more than platonic. He agreed to help, drove us between our old places to the new place to move in furniture and boxes, and everything went well. When we got settled at the apartment, I started cooking everyone dinner. I asked how much food he wanted, and he went quiet and left without a word. My roommate thought it was odd, but I knew immediately what it was. I texted him and asked if it was because of me, and he said yes.
Should I have learned my lesson after the first or second time? Yes. But am I the a-hole for wanting a friendship that whole time?
At this point, I'm happily married to someone else, living 2,000 miles away from everything. This randomly popped into my mind today, and I figured I would survey my fellow potatoes.

So 29m seeing this girl 27f for about a week and a half. 1st and 2nd date we went for drinks and food. She said she liked me on 2nd date. Came back to my place and hung out. 3rd date my friend and I went out with her friends. Stayed at her place. 4th time (Monday) we hung out at her place and watched a movie. We had plans to go to the cinema today (wednesay). Judging by how she was Monday my gut said something was off. As I was leaving her place she just didn’t seem as enthusiastic about seeing me Wednesday as she had been. Tuesday we barely texted which wasn’t that unusual. I text her around 6pm to confirm she was good for Wednesday. She didn’t reply until 10pm because she was out with her friend at a bar but said she was still good for the cinema… text her this morning that I was looking forward to it and could pick her up if she liked. She didn’t respond until 3pm. She responded with a very long message saying she had to help her mom out because her mom was going on a trip. She said she felt really bad but couldn’t make the cinema. I responded saying family comes first and that I would try and find someone at work to go to the movies with me. I know she’s blowing me off, she would have come if she wanted. It ties out with my gut feeling Monday and since then that something was off.
My question is: is this her way of letting me down gently and she couldn’t tell me she’s not interested ? I’m 99% sure that’s the case. Or is she just unsure about me and needs time to think?. I guess if I give her space and she doesn’t reach out, I have my answer.
This happens to me quite often. Things start out great and the girl is really into me. I do everything the right way, I’m nice on dates, ask about them, pay for the date and don’t bombard them with texting everyday. Just very tired and disappointed that it keeps happening. I appreciate any input !

So, I (29F) got out of a long term relationship that was basically the entirety of my 20s. We broke up close to a year ago. This year has been all about my career growth, trying new things/experiences and my physical and mental health.
I started checking out the dating apps on and off last year with no real intention of going on any dates. Just browsing. All I ever hear about is how hard it is to date after a certain age and I was curious about my prospects. I've matched with men I thought seemed interesting and was my idea of attractive but that's it. We've talked as well but none of them ever really grabbed my attention enough to want to meet for a date in person.
Fast forward to the present and I ended up matching with a guy (27M) that seems pretty great. He thinks I'm so beautiful and we've got similar interests but we're also pretty different and it's exciting. He's kind, funny, cute and just seems like a great guy. I get excited every time he texts me. We both want the same thing; some summer fun. Date nights, lazy nights in. Basically FWB. He seems like the kind of guy I can feel comfortable and vulnerable enough with to even attempt this type of friendship.
We've been texting for close to a week and a half consistently and it gets better and better. We've been making plans to meet and I'm just so fucking nervous. I haven't been on a date in like 7 years. Yes it's important to be yourself and I will but I sometimes get in my head.
I'm just worried. What if he doesn't find me as attractive as my photos? or the same vibe we have doesn't translate in person? I have some issues with my self esteem. I've struggled for so long. Some days I feel sexy, beautiful and overall confident. And some days (which are the worst), I'm so hyper critical of my self. This isn't good enough, that isn't good enough. I'm working on it but situations like these cause me to overthink but I don't want it to ruin something that could be fun and exciting.
People tell me a lot I'm pretty or beautiful. Complete strangers will come up to me and compliment me or just openly stare (which I automatically think is for something negative and nothing good). But sometimes I just don't see it or feel it.
Perhaps I'm just scared of rejection? Especially because I play what if too often.
Any thoughts I what I should do or what might help me get over this?
No matter what I'm going through with it. Just wondering if anyone had any advice on how to go into this not so nervous.
Should I out right ask, "Hey, if I'm not what you expected, please let me know now and we can end the date if you'd like". Thoughts?

So I (31M) just recently got out of a long term relationship of 10+ years within the past 6 months. My ex (31F) was great but things just didn’t work out with us. That’s another post for another time. She was very to herself and didn’t really have many friends outside of our relationship. I was the same as her. We spent most of our time together outside of work and didn’t get on social media at all. This all is pretty much irrelevant to the story that I’m needing advice about, but I’m trying to paint the picture of how I’m used to my gf acting.
So if you did the math, yes, I jumped into a relationship after a month of my really long one ending. I will say that my last relationship ended (not solely but was an issue) bc I wanted further commitment, kids, and to get married. She was more focused on her job. This led to a lot of other problems and I made my fair share of mistakes too. So to say I shouldn’t have jumped into a relationship so fast is probably accurate, but here we are.
So my current relationship is not like my last one at all. We go out all the time, but I also really enjoy her company. As a man who had somewhat of a traditional woman before, this girl (27F) is not like that. I’m not opposed to it necessarily, but it’s definitely something that will take some getting used to. One thing that bothers me is the sheer amount of guy friends she has. I’ve always been told that it’s a red flag, but I’m opening myself up to it. Ive never really been that insecure about the idea of it. I am always the type to trust someone unless they give me a reason not to, but I’ve never had to face this problem where I should choose to put up with it or not. At the beginning of our relationship, there were red flags everywhere. We started drinking together and did not get along at all when intoxicated. She would say she used to be wild which immediately took my mind to the darkest places as a man lol but I understand that meeting someone and learning someone new can be a challenge. I won’t know anyone’s past like I did my ex, so I try not to draw conclusions. Maybe I’m just in denial, but I’m trying to shine the best light on it I can to give this girl a real chance.
The drinking was really the only thing that interfered with our relationship. Unlike my last relationship where communication was a big issue for me, I’m trying to be more open about my concerns this time. So far everything has been great more so bc of that I think. She hears my concerns and makes a good effort to fix them. After talking with her about what I thought of us drinking, we only drink on special occasions now and not nearly as much. We don’t even argue when we do.
Well fast forward to the night of this concert. As you might have guessed, it was a special occasion and there was alcohol involved. We had went to a concert the previous week and ran into this guy she used to run into when she would frequent bars and stuff in her past I guess. He seems like a cool guy, I met him and things weren’t weird at all then. Anyway I had seen that he messaged her the following morning on social media and I guess they exchanged numbers. I saw this by complete accident when I was stealing her phone charger and even felt guilty for reading it at the time. We get to the venue and she tells me he’s there. Pretty much from the beginning I see that her attention is divided between me and him. This guy is on a completely different floor but within sight. I keep noticing that she keeps turning her head and looking up at him. I feel like it had to be at least 50-100 times that I noticed it. She’s also texting him to the point her phone died. Probably also from recording the show and everything else but my mind is starting to feel insecurities at this point that I didn’t know I had. She wasn’t hiding what she was saying or anything, but I wasn’t exactly looking over her shoulder to look either. At some points in the night he would come and talk to us. One of the times he took his hoodie off and my gf grabbed it and put it around her waste for the rest of the show when he went back upstairs.
By this point in the night, I’m actually sick to my stomach at the thought that this girl is giving this guy this much attention while we’re out together. I would be mad even if she was doing this with another woman, but I feel like it is a little worse that it’s a guy. I’m pretty much silent and noticeably not having a good time. She notices this and is more nice and affectionate than I feel like she has ever been. I still don’t think she knows exactly what it was and I continue to notice her staring up in his direction til the show was over.
After the show, we both had people we knew talking in the same circle. She hugged a lot of people to say her goodbyes and he was obviously one of them. A hug is not something I would be upset about, but given how the night had gone, I would be lying if I said it didn’t bother me. It didn’t make the cut for our discussion later as it shouldn’t, I’m just trying not to leave anything out.
We get back to her place, and I’m laying awake in bed with my heart racing. I really didn’t want to communicate this bc as a man I have this idea that complaining about anything just makes me a wuss. So this time I’m trying to be more open about my feelings. Well we talked about it and I told her how I felt and what I saw. She didn’t deny that she did those things except for the amount of times she looked him, but she expressed that she doesn’t feel for him that way. I told her it felt like she was disrespecting me by giving that much attention to someone else and she agreed that she was in the wrong. I’m not sure what to take of this, but I’m not sure what else she could have said.
Well it’s the next day and we’re fine for now, but the sight of her looking up at him and texting him has been living rent free in my head. It keeps popping in my head. This is all so new to me, and I need advice. Am I just being insecure, or is this really something I should be concerned for going forward? My dignity tells me to run, but she really has been making an effort in our relationship. Should I proceed with caution, or end the relationship? Am I completely overreacting?
Before anyone tells me my ways of thinking are probably delusional or I have a horrible way of thinking of things, I hear you. My mind was set in a lot of ways from my past relationship and I’m genuinely trying to learn how I should be reacting to stuff like this. I swear I’m like Dr Phil when it comes to other people’s problems but I’m completely lost with my own. If you made it this far, thank you for hearing me vent.

(I am SO sorry for the needed lengthy) Back Story & Context Leading To My Decision:
I (33F) have 1 sibling, “Sam” (36F). Although we share the same parents, our childhood & the way we were treated was incredibly different. Mainly because Sam had always been favored & treated far better than me. A fact that Sam refuses to acknowledge to this day.
Before & after my parents got married, it was agreed upon that they would not have children, until one day my mother “Susan” (66F) came up with the bright idea that if she gave her parents (“Norma & Gene”) a grand-baby they would finally love her. She went off the pill without telling my father, got pregnant, then had Sam. To no one’s surprise, Susan hated being a mom. So she would ship Sam across the country to Norma & Gene’s constantly, so much so, they saw her as THEIR child. And they showered her with love that Susan never even got a taste of. This led to Susan being aggressively jealous & resentful of her child.
Years later, my dad was tricked again into having me to “save their marriage.” They divorced when I was 3. All Sam ever knew from Susan was neglect, emotional & mental abuse from Susan, which only became worse when she could use “favoring” me as another way to hurt Sam. This was NOT a secret in my family, resulting in maltreatment towards me (either subconsciously or intentionally).
Abuse toward Sam turned physical. My father was given full custody of her when I was 8, and I was left with Susan for the next 2 years until she decided she wanted to move to San Francisco because she “deserved” a more glamorous life. I do not remember the years living with Susan, but recently one of my closest friends (of 25 years) said to me I practically lived at her house & she barely interacted with Susan throughout the entirety of our friendship.
To make up for Susan being an awful parent, Norma & Gene would dote on Sam & shell out a lot of $$$ to give her a very nice life (let me know if you want me to give a list of examples in an update), compare this to me when I barley received a kind word. They offered me money ONCE in my early 20’s to pay off my credit card debt I accrued in college as I had to pay all my own bills while working full time (I have been working since I was 15) and going to school full time. I am the only one in the family who worked in college, yet I am still the only one to graduate with honors. I accepted with the condition it would come out of my “inheritance.” I have never asked or been offered money since. I have paid for ALL my own bills since I left home @ 18 years old.
Despite the obvious disparities and constant hurt they put me through, I was an active member of the family who mainly kept her mouth shut. I attended family events unless I could not afford to go, I sent holiday gifts, called between 1-2x per month for an 1 hour+ phone call in which I most often bit my tongue unless it was to defend Sam as Norma did not agree with her parenting.
Something to note, in May 2021 my father had an accident that would lead to his passing in December 2021. The disagreements & Sam’s nastiness toward me after the accident and then his death further strained our relationship.
Fast forward to March 2023. An explosive incident at Susan’s home in front of me she screamed at my sister to the point of Sam sobbing in ear shot of her 3 young kids, husband, and my step father resulted in me cutting ties with Susan for good. To be fair, she screamed in my face “I don’t want a relationship with you” with Sam as a witness. I made the family aware of my decision, and everyone, including Norma agreed to respect my decision.
By August 2023, my physical health that had been on a rapid decline since 2019 including 18 out of 23 (78%) of my spinal discs deteriorating without a known cause had become unbearable to manage + time I had to take off because of migraines & doctor’s appointments, I had to quit my corporate desk job. I had enough money saved to tide me over for some time, but as any US adult in their 20’s & 30’s know, it’s been rough the past few years, add in physical disabilities & limited mobility + regular migraines, I was running low on money & needed help. So at the end of December, at the encouragement & insistence of my aunt Elizabeth (Susan’s sister) who I had become quite close with over the past few years, I went to Norma & Gene to ask for a LOAN. They had donated $25,000 to Sam’s place of worship on her behalf a few months prior, offered to buy Sam & her husband a house the year prior, paid for Elizabeth’s bills & expensive lifestyle for the last year when she was soul searching on what line of work she wanted to do next, this was after putting a down payment on Elizabeth’s new $470,000 condo + $70,000 of renovations it needed, not to mention the literal hundreds of thousands of dollars that they have given Susan over the years just to pay off her credit card debt (none of which is coming out of their inheritance might I add) she assured me they would absolutely loan their granddaughter with serious health issues money. Elizabeth would talk to them personally about it, just to seal the deal while Sam would help me find cheaper alternatives to my current necessities such as Medicaid.
I make the request, and to my surprise they are more than happy to help me with a loan. But one week later & their phone calls with Susan, they say by email they “love me but cannot continue to financially support my poor decisions.” I call Elizabeth who says, it was not in her best interest to talk to them about helping me as I am “worthless to this family and society while being disabled.” Then adds that she will not let her “mental health deteriorate just to emotionally support me.” I then immediately reach out to Sam who does not even have the guts to talk by phone only text, and says she called Susan to explain my circumstance but “wasn’t going to argue or pick a fight” to help me and that she is sorry that that she “can't show up for me the way I want her to because she needs to maintain her own mental health, relationships and boundaries.” She also threw in that I have “made up this narrative in my head” that they treat her & I different, that she is treated better.
That day I fully cut contact with Norma, Gene, and Elizabeth. I told them they will not be hearing from me again, and I will not be attending theirs or Susan’s funeral. And I stopped speaking with Sam for the time being. Ironically, what led us to speaking was last month (April 20224) I had begun working on an article about going No Contact with family members. I asked if I could discuss her childhood abuse in a few sentences as part of the article. She agreed and offered to give me quotes. I accepted then interviewed her. From there we began rebuilding our relationship.
Then last Wednesday, (May 8), Norma passes. I do not attend the funeral that happened on Friday, May 10. My two cousins who I have become very close with in the last 6 months understood why, and supported my decision. But even though I did not go, I continually checked in with them & Sam to ensure they were okay. Not once from Wednesday to yesterday (Tuesday) did Sam reply to a single message. As I am concerned about this, I reached out yesterday morning. She replied in the afternoon. I was incredibly hurt by her very lengthy message. Here are 2 excerpts that led me to full NC.

1. “Your perspective on the situation was clear, you werent coming to be with the family and you arent grieving [Norma’s] death at least in the conventional sense. I had to be the one to answer from most of the family why you werent there, it was incredibly awkward and uncomfortable for me.”
2. “Since late January/Early February things have already been really strained between us. I know that most that comes from my point of view and actions were really hurtful to you. I hate that I hurt you and Its been difficult for me to reconcile that I can't show up for you the way you want me to while also maintaining my own mental health, relationships and boundaries.”

She continually says that she cannot show up for me the way I need without affecting her mental health or crossing boundaries, and I am not someone that would ever want to hinder someone else’s life by my presence or cause inner turmoil by associating with me. I let her know this and said I will stop trying to cultivate a relationship and I will step away for good. I said it as kind as possible, taking an hour to craft a message that can only be seen as kind. I told her if she responds I will not be reading it.
I work very hard to stay positive as it’s just me to lean on. When there is something eating at me emotionally, it will drain my energy & have me spiral until it is resolved. I did not want to waste another week feeling hurt. But with that said, AITA for cutting ties at this time & not waiting?

Me 31F and my husband 38M have been together for8 years. I have one daughter from a previous relationship that he has raised since she was 3. And we have a son together. 5 years ago I had an affair and he found out... he wanted to work through it and part of me did too... covid hit, we seemed to do okay, fast forward, last march got diagnosed with herpes(vaginal). I don't know where I got it the doctor said I could have had it for years and not known.. so I told him and he just kinda shrugged it off and said no biggie, even before the herpes diagnosis we hadn't had sex in two years... or slept in the same bed in 6 years... so now currently it's been 3 years since I've had sex and 7yrs since we slept in the same bed... I told him in march that I wasn't happy... it's not thay we have a terrible relationship or anything but we just aren't connecting... today he texts me because I have been a little distant and I told him I'd tLk to him when I get home from work... I got home and he knew I wanted a divorce. He said it's what I want and he is super happy. I can't imagine even having sex anymore... because I don't want to give him herpes... but I still feel sad like I'm losing something... kinda like I failed. But honestly I'm kinda relieved.. he's normally short tempered but he just seemed more worried to make sure I knew it was my fault the marriage failed... is it okay to grieve my marriage even if I'm the one who ended it???

My partner (m41) and I (f29) have been together for 4 years. It wasn't an easy relationship to begin with. My family fell out with me for getting with him. They knew him very well but they just thought it was moving too fast. I moved in with him pretty quickly as my dad was physically quote aggressive with me and controlling. I planned on staying with my partner for a while until sorting out my own place but we just fell in love more every day. We had a "we wi prove them all wrong" attitude. I really truly and deeply love and care for him. He was patient, calm, funny, gentlemanly. He spent 2 years doing everything he could to make me happy. He would cook, washa and dry my hair, massages, running baths, picking me flowers etc.
Fast forward to last April. We fell pregnant and were ecstatic but unfortunately, it ended in an early miscarriage at 7 weeks. He has a pain condition which means every so often it flare up and his mood dips. He finds it difficult to cope with stress etc. The miscarriage put alot of strain on our relationship as he switched off and offered no emotional support whatsoever.
We had a few arguments and I decided I needed to leave for a break. I went home and my mum and dad were more than supportive. I spent 2 weeks at home until I met my partner and we reconciled. My dad was so cross and again got aggressive and told me to never step foot in his house again.
In August a few months later, we fell pregnant again. Although this time was different, he didn't seem overly happy. Maybe sometimes but basically he mostly stopped being affectionate with me or doing thoughtful things that he always had done. He began to sleep separately from me. The odd time he would maybe run me a bath or cook etc. If I was sick or sore, he would say "tru being sore for 10 years" I never got any sympathy. He nearly got frustrated if I went for naps or had a lie in
Christmas, he made dinner for us on Christmas day etc he didn't get me anything. I got him a few things. On boxing day, we had an arguement, I can't even remember about what. He left and stayed at his mums for 3 weeks. I spent 3 weeks on my own, sick and crying in bed basically the whole time. I didn't tell anyone. New years eve countdown, I cried in bed rubbing my growing bump. He eventually came back, we had 3 great weeks together before his mood shifted again. He made a comment about how he had wanted a son instead of a daughter.
He then began home decorating and nesting. He spent 2 solid months working most evenings to do up her nursery, and basically improve every room with new paint etc.
I then was admitted early with pre eclampsia just over 3 weeks ago. I spent 4 days in hospital before they inserted a pessary. I then was moved to delivery suite 36 hours after the pessary. I was labouring and contracting for 6 hours until I got to 9cm and they realised something was wrong. Baby was completely stuck, cord around neck etc and I was rushed for a category 1 c section.
When my partner was allowed into theatre, I was already opened and blood everywhere. I had the shakes etc and he seen everything. I really thought I was going to die. It was so traumatic. I was wheeled into recovery and he asked when he could go home. I was disgusted. As soo. As I was wheeled on to the ward just 3 hours post op, he left. He came back thay evening for 2 hours. That night, my baby girl was cluster feeding, it was very difficult. I text him at 5am to tell him all about it. At 8am I got a message calling me a "whine" and not to be texting in the middle of the night again. I stupidly apologised.
Eventually I was discharged and the first week, he was as he described "father of the year" and I even said to him, that this was the making od him. He was so soft, gentle, caring and involved with our daughter. I thought finally, my life is working out.
He then spent a few days not interacting with us AT ALL. I mean not one glance. There was one day I was standing at the sink sorting baby bottles and she cried. I asked him to loft her and he said no I'm busy, grabbed a bag of crisps, went upstairs and slammed the bedroom door. He also continued to smoke in that room where she sleeps at night. I asked him to stop and he gave off that he has nowhere for himself anymore.
He came out of this mood a couple of times. He took us for a walk and picked us flowers and lunch. The very next day, he went back into his low depressive mood. On the last particular day 2.5 weeks after birth, he was wanting to take us to the beach. This was the first day where I got myself ready and pretty, I was excited. He made me lunch and then refused to eat with me because the previous days, we argued over lunch (he would start arguements about nothing and it would lead to raised voices etc)
So anyway he ate in another room, our daughter was with me and she started crying so he slammed the door of the room he was in. I then went to the sink washed bottles for baby. He came in and said was I going to keep hogging the sink or was I going to get out of the way. I told him to not be so ignorant with me.
It led to a full blown row where he got quite aggressive. He came into my face and I pushed him away and he then said I assaulted him I told him to wise up and stop this shouting in front of our baby. He slammed the living room door. I went in and I said this had to stop. He told me to get the hell out of his house and that it was about time I leave and give him peace. He went upstairs and at the top of the stairs he called me a fat shapeless b###ard, fat ugly nose and feet etc. Now before birth I weighed over 13 stone. At this arguement, I was weighing 10stone 10 so definitely not fat.
I packed 2 bags, and left with our baby. Since then I have reached out to him and he has ignored me. He believes me to be staying in a bmb with a newborn and he thinks this is acceptable. He has not asked about her or me. He changed the locks also so I can't get into the home. My heart is broken. What happened to the man I love? He doesn't speak to anyone anymore, he has no friends, he stopped working. I can see his Google activity and he has been researching moving to India and leading a spiritual life. I feel like his brain is messed up.
A week later, I am now 9.5 stone, stopped breast feeding as I'm not producing enough, doing everything on my own with our perfect daughter. Basically, what would you do? What has happened him? Is this normal behaviour during pregnancy and post-partum?
He knows all I have ever dreamed of is having a baby and a family. Why did he do this? I feel so sorry for me. That was where I made home, I have so many belongings and stuff in there that ingot for my daughter. I helped with the decor and actually blame that for my pre eclampsia. The day before admission I was on my hands and knees painting skirting because I felt bad about him painting upstairs. I redone all the grouting in the bathroom etc too. For him to turn around and say "what kind of idiot stays in a house where they aren't wanted". One day picking flowers and declaring your love, the next telling me to leave.
How do I get through this
Tldr my fiance m41, put me f29 out of the home with our 2.5 week old daughter. I need advice on what has happened to him and what to do next.

Hi Everyone! I’ve always loved good smelling stuff and for the last 15 years I’ve usually had one bottle of cologne, and would replace once it’s out. Only in the last few months have I really delved into this world and began filling out a modest collection. I’m definitely not an expert (so take my reviews with a big grain of salt) but I love smelling and writing so here ya go. (Fucking wall of text incoming lmao, I didn’t realize how lengthy this got)
I just got back from a three-hour mall trip to try and get my nose on as many niche fragrances as my senses would tolerate. I had already done a good bit of research so I had some picked out to try and others already crossed-off. Im a 30M for reference.
I also had the goal in mind to find a contender for a fall/winter scent that exudes class, sophistication and decadence. For that, I’ve already tried a few that I really enjoy, and kind of used these as a springboard to continue exploring:
Xerjoff Alexandria II- This is what I envision royalty wearing. Lavender and rosewood mix soooo nice in the open, and dries into a lovey rose/vanilla/essence of oud. The oud is really toned down here for those that dislike it. It’s kind of hard to pick out. Nuclear performance.
Initio Oud for Greatness- Another good starter oud, you could say (this was my introduction to oud). It lasts forever and the dry down is seriously heavenly. The wet, soily oud is at the forefront for 2-4 hours, but I’m absolutely in love with what’s left when it disappears. Lavender, saffron, nutmeg and musk mixes into the best dryer-sheet-like scent I’ve come across (what it reminds ME of at least).
Perfums de Marly Haltane- Quite similar in the opening to Oud for Greatness. Haltane is darker, though, where I get more leathesmoke. I think the oud in this is more subdued, or at least less moist smelling. It blends well and lasts a good while.
Initio Atomic Rose- Holy shit. Apparently rose gets my motor GOING. I tried a lot of rose-centric fragrances today, but this probably still takes the cake for its balance and strength, in addition to the scent itself being just gorgeous.
So with those in mind I was off to Neiman Marcus. I sampled a large amount more than what I’ve written, but stuck to the ones that were memorable; good or bad.
Frederic Malle - Portrait of a Lady- My favorite of the Frederic Malle. Sensual rose/clove/currant at the front, but it is kind of hard to pick out specific notes on this one. After looking, I can get the cinnamon in the background of the dry down, it blends perfectly with the sandalwood, rose and benzoin after drying down. - Carnal Flower- Some similarity to POAL, lots of tuberose and jasmine, which I personally like. A bright yet sensual floral, and you get some coconut and melon there, too. I typically dislike coconut but this is blended masterfully. - Lipstick Rose- Yeah, that’s what it smells like. Try this if you’ve seen people describe scents as lipstick-y or violet taking on that accord. Not my cup of tea, also leans more feminine to my nose than the other two. - Musc Ravageur- I really wanted to like this one. And for a split second I did! A clove-y vanilla sasparilla is what I first got, and it unfortunately turned into barnyard urine. I immediately remembered seeing some reviews stating this, and I couldn’t get my nose to move past it. I can tell there’s good stuff there, but not for me.
Amouage - Reflection- The only one I’d tried before, and remains one of my favs. Rosemary and pink pepper greet you with a deep, fresh spice. The vetiver and patchouli sit nicely at the bottom, and the combination of white florals mixes wonderfully. Another scent I could imagine on royalty, and seems pretty versatile, too. You could wear this year-round without feeling out of place. Insane staying power. - Lyric- Probably my favorite, but I need to smell again on another day. Compared to the other Amouage, I had to continually stick my nose in the coffe beans to pick up the scent from the test strip. When I did get it, it was a lovely light, fresh scent. Quite a departure from the other Amouage I’ve tried, but great. No surprise, the list of notes are some of my favorites: lime, bergamot, rose, orange blossom, saffron, nutmeg, musk, pine, vanilla, incense, sandalwood. Seriously, love each and all those individually and they come together beautifully. - Interlude- Another good one. Dark, mysterious. Definitely get the oregano/peppepatchouli/incense bomb off the top. Leather lurking behind. I typically don’t gravitate toward the leathery scents but this one’s good. - Enclave- This pretty much seals the deal for me that on me, mint just ain’t it. I liked Sedley at first, but the mint somehow gets too cloying to my nose after too long. I can tell I would get the same from the peppermint in the opening of Enclave. I almost liked this one, too. If you can even tolerate peppermint, you’ll enjoy this one.
Mind Games - Blockade- Wowww. First sniff love, here. Explosion of citrus, juicy fruit-y sex. I usually find myself staying away from citrus-forward scents but this shit is next level. This will be a contender for my next upscale summer buy. - Double Attack- Another love at first sniff. It’s familiar, though. Chocolate/orange/cinnamon/vanilla. You’ll want to eat it right up. I already have this box checked in my collection, but may come back to it in the future. - Checkmate- Another lovely scent. Champagne, red currant, rose, magnolia, little patchouli. It all comes together really nicely, and it was difficult for me to pick out specific notes before looking. Not a love, but I was really impressed with the quality and scent profile of the Mind Games I tried.
Clive Christian - Town & Country- Wow. No seriously, like fucking wow. Smells like an Italian fruit cart strolling through an English manor’s sprawling garden road. I look at the notes and I don’t understand how you get this smell supposedly out of Clary Sage, Ambergris, and Sandalwood. Like, what? This is high quality shit. I get some pear or grapes there, too. Try this. - Crab Apple Blossom- Yum yum yum this is goooood. Smells like it sounds. Bergamot, apple blossom and rhubarb dance around playfully together. Can’t help but have a big stupid smile on your face when you smell this. The more it dried down, the more it might be my favorite over Town & Country. - Matsukita- Another great scent. In the same vein as the other two since they are part of the same “Crown Collection.” You get some smokiness, here. Bergamot with nutmeg and mate give depth and a little mystery. White florals, woody ambers and musk at the base. Just quality stuff here. All three of these in the Crown Collection were available in 10ml travel size gift pack for $300. Good idea to put on my wish list. That shit is kiiiinda expensive.
Xerjoff - Erba Pura- I did not expect to like this as much as I did! Favorite that I sampled. Perfect combination of citrus and fruitiness off the top, layered over a bed of sweet musk. Something here is very familiar to my nose but I couldn’t place it. This will be another top contender for a future upscale summer purchase. - Accento- Soothing scent. Fruity white floral (usually dumb reach for me), and the iris gives it some powder but not overpowering. Not as feminine-leaning as I would have expected. - Iommi- Delicious! Sweet smoky rum off the top, and it’s a little surprising how forward the patchouli and leather is in this. It’s bordering on being a little overpowering, but it tames a bit on the dry down. I’d need to see how this goes on my skin, for sure. - Torino 21- Another one that I liked way more than expected. I’m going back and seeing mint listed as a top note here…I didn’t get that! And thank God since mint usually is a non-starter. Kind of an aquatic green to my nose. Again, just a lovely scent. - Naxos- Yeah ok this is good shit. I was expecting a sweet bomb, but this is definitely more restrained than what a lot of reviewers will have you believe. I’m a sucker for lavender and bergamot. Throw in honey and jasmine atop a bed of tobacco, vanilla and tonka bean? Yes please. - Erba Gold- Pretty good. To my nose more feminine than Erba Pura, likely due to the extra fruits in the middle. That combination of citruses, pear and melon is reminiscent of particular ladies’ scents.
Louis Vuitton - L’Immensité- Ohhhh yeahh. Relaxation in a bottle. My favorite besides maybe Fleur du Desert. This, Imagination and Météore all kind of dance to the same song, so to speak. More than one of these would be redundant, in my opinion. The quality speaks through each of these fragrances, though- really nice stuff. - Imagination- The name fits, as a lot of the notes here are almost fleeting like a word on the tip of your tongue. It’s a great, calming scent but it didn’t blow me away. Like I said, L’Immensité was the best of these and I don’t see the need to diversify within this collection. - Météore- Compared to L’Immensité, there’s a little more sweetness here. This leans closer to a shower gel-like scent in my opinion. Still great. - Fleur du Désert- This one started out reallly good. Honey and cinnamon into rose and orange blossom is an intriguing, sensual combination. Unfortunately, smelling it on my arm after a couple hours, the jasmine and honey turn into something my mind recognizes as an old lady scent. The POAL on my hand, by comparison, keeps mixing with my skin in a great pheromonic way. - Ombre Nomad- Disappointed with this one. I’m realizing I don’t gravitate toward darker scents like heavy oud, leather, incense. I can tell it’s put together really well and uses quality materials, but this isn’t one that was made for me.
All in all, my main take-aways include: Xerjoff scents living up to the name. I was definitely impressed with their offerings, and would have expected it to lean closer to overrated. Same with Mind Games. Really enjoyed everything I sampled from them, even if it wasn’t my cup of tea, I was impressed with the quality. Also, I need to get back and sample the rest of the Clive Christian house. I was absolutely blown away with what I tried.
A little bonus: I tried TF Noir de Noir, Extreme Noir, and Cafe Rose. Extreme Noir is excellent. A regal mix of saffron, nutmeg and cardamom on top of rose and white florals. Ahhhh, again, similar to what I imagine a king or king to smell like.
Cafe Rose is probably the second best rose-centric scent to my nose besides Atomic Rose. I’ll need to put those side by side.
Anyway, feel free to ask away if you’d like. I was bored and inspired so killed some time writing this out :)

Soooo…. Long story short. I stupidly allowed my mom to have her name on my car title when I BOUGHT my car in FULL when I was 17 years old to save on my car insurance. (I’m 23 now, a recent graduate with a biology degree and was kicked out recently by her) I have been trying to obtain the title for my car for the past 3 weeks - she finally left the title at my grandmas house who lives 40 mins away from me rather than letting me come to her house to get it after I got off from work which is only 10 mins away… anywho. I made it to the DMV this past Monday (my only weekday off from work) and sat there for 2 hours for me to be called to a station and be turned around immediately because they noticed that there was white out on the title for the sales price for $1 (which i don’t understand what is so hard about writing 1.00) so it voided the title. (I noticed this before going to the DMV but I was hoping they didn’t notice) I was unable to get anything done because of this and was given a title correction form and a DMV bill of sale for my mom to sign and fill out… (this is around 2:15pm) they told me to get the signatures that day and come back before 5pm and I could skip the line since they also noticed that she VOLUNTARILY surrendered my license plate without letting me know. I told them i would have trouble getting this new paperwork filled out because she avoids me and my calls so they suggested that I request her at her job (she works at a school and there was 30 mins left by the time i went to the office to request her) after texting her and calling her 5 times to let her know that I was coming by & waiting in the parking lot for an hr hoping she would respond . Going inside was my last resort but I had to get this done so i could register my car and get new plates. She never came out after the front office requested her about 10 times… Now she is avoiding me again and says she will fill out whatever forms she thinks I need on her own time (vs the official documents that the DMV gave me) and give it to my grandma 40 mins away knowing that my plate is dead because of her. I had an appt today at the DMV at 8am so i could try to go before work at 9:30am but she told me if i came by her house yesterday after work with the papers she would be calling the police because “I was not invited” …. I work everyday and my car is my only form of transportation… what should i do? I need legal advice. Can i tell the DMV that she is insane and they will help me move forward with the signatures i already have ? Do i risk going to her house and having the police called on me ? I thought about making this a public matter on Facebook but i feel like she will retaliate even harder … please help. :(

I apologize in advance for how long this is going to be. So I 24F started teaching for first time last year so I’m currently in my second year. While in my first year I befriend another teacher let’s call her Patty who was also new to the school and was going to be teaching the same grade and subjects as me. Last year all was great and I learned a lot from her as she already had a year of teaching under her belt. In this school year of teaching we were still really close but a few things were different. I was more independent from her as I became more confident in who I am as a teacher and I became close with two other coworkers. One friendship just came along and another came due to us doing the same after school activity together. At the beginning of this year, all 4 of us were close. We talked everyday ate lunch together, texted in a gc the works.
Now for the weird part. One day during lunch Patty comes in late and then mid conversation gets up and leaves. Which left the three of us super confused. She later text me asking if everything was okay between us. I told her I thought all was fine but I wanted her to stop making comments that I liked our other two friends better than her because it really hurt me that she could think that of me. She apologized and everything seemed okay. The following few days Patty didn’t join us for lunch. I thought maybe she needed time and I didn’t want to push her. Time goes by and she never returns to eating lunch with us. Patty then pulls our one friend aside let’s call her Amy and ask if she hurt me in any way and she’s not sure why our relationship has changed. Amy pushed her to talk to me about it but that never happened. I honestly didn’t know why she was feeling this away because truly nothing had happened between us in my perspective. Patty never came and talked to me. Some time passes and Patty and I aren’t as close anymore but are still professional. In this time Patty gets close with her co teacher Sally. Which I found weird considering Patty made many comments about not liking Sally. I also was wary of Sally as I noticed she would change her personality depending on who she was around. Patty is very conservative so Sally would be conservative. If Sally talked with other staff who tend to be a bit more loud she would then act like them. Which I understand everyone is different depending on the friend but I personally have had bad experiences with people who do this. So I am aware of my own bias here. Either way I remain at professional length with Sally.
Fast forward to February we have a professional development day, where Patty and I go to the same building since we teach the same subject. She pulls me to the side and expresses that she’s not sure what happened between because she doesn’t feel Like she did anything to me and I did nothing to her. She states that it hurt her seeing me, Amy and our other friend match at our staff Christmas. I apologized for this and stated that it was wrong of us to match without her but I felt so awkward asking her to match because we hadn’t talked in months. We both apologized and it felt good. For the rest of the day Patty seemed like her old self but she had made a couple comments about our principal that made me feel weird. She stated that she wasn’t sure how she felt about our new principal who used to be our old VP. That she doesn’t feel like she makes the school feel like a family like our old principal. I would like to say that Patty and our Old principal were very close and she was favored. Patty was often in the spotlight last year due to our old principal raving about her. I think Patty sees our new principal is very professional and keeps friendship and work separate. I expressed that I like our new principal as I feel like she’s kept thing very orderly and I did feel like our school was a family. The conversation ended there and I thought all was fine. But when we returned to school she was back to being awkward as if as if we didn’t talk. I started to notice that in front of Sally she was acting as if we didn’t talk but if Sally wasn’t there she was her old self with me. So things went back to being awkward. I continued to hang with Amy and our other friend and Patty continued to hang with Sally. Now remember when I said that Patty is conservative? this is due to her religion. as Patty and Sally became closer I noticed that Sally started to dress like Patty. With Patty being so conservative due to her religion she often dresses in skirts/dresses never leggings or pants Sally used to dress in jeans, leggings, pants, but more more started to only dress in skirts/dresses, which I found weird.
Fast-forward to this past March, both Patty and I got nominated for teacher of the year. This is Patty‘s second time being nominated as she was nominated last year but did not win. This is my first time being nominated and I would like to say that I am extremely grateful to be nominated in my second year of teaching. Both Patty and I congratulate each other. Now jumping ahead to the day before applications submissions for teacher of the year were due. My friend (not Amy) was sat down by our vice principal to say that there was an efficacy complaint about her coming to lunch with me to pick up my students, this made me very angry as Patty runs the efficacy committee in our school. I felt that the timing was weird as my friend has been coming to pick up my students with me at lunch all year long and there was never an issue but then the day before applications are due someone complains? This made me feel like Patty and Sally were playing dirty to help Patty possibly win and me to look bad? And I have noticed Sally staring at me and side eying me and I really wasn’t sure why until the complaint. But I can say I have a tendency to show how I feel on my face. I can’t hide my emotions which is something that I have been actively working on. So this past week was teacher appreciation week and Patty reposted Sally story where Sally posted the card that Patty gave her saying how thankful she was for her and she is so grateful that she is in her life. Now I know this may seem like I’m a bit jealous but honestly I am just so confused because when Patty pulled Amy to ask what was going on between me and her, she stated that her and Sally were cool, but she does not view her as a best friend, but then writes her card how grateful she is to be her friend?
With all this information I guess I’m just asking how do I move on from feeling weird and uncomfortable by this friendship between Patty and Sally? any advice on how to fake it until I make it when I have to work with Sally and Patty since we are all in the same grade level? Honestly, I feel very uncomfortable by both of them. I’m not really liking either of them too much because of the complaint that they put in any advice?

My boyfriend (36) has been living with me (35) for over a month now. While in Mexico about a few weeks ago he spent the entire time on his phone. Now let me explain he was dealing with some work stuff, but he wasn’t just spending time talking to coworkers, he was on Instagram watching videos. We were in Mexico and he barely looked up from his phone. I vented to my friend who is married and has 2 kids because he is good at putting things in perspective. My friend and I have been friends for over a decade. Forward to today when he asks for my phone so he can check an app and then he storms up “so what you just shit talk me to anyone”. He went upstairs and sent me angry texts saying he’s moving out and he won’t be an issue for me anymore. He said that he knew I was cheating this whole time and I’m finally caught in a lie. I looked at my messsages and the only male I talk to is my married friend. I reminded my boyfriend that he shouldn’t have been looking at my texts, but this friend has been my long time friend not some random man I’m trying to hook up with. I understand his point that he doesn’t want me talking about him to a man, but his reaction of accusing me of cheating and then saying he’s moving out within the week seems drastic.

My girlfriend(23F) and i (23M) after almost 4 years together broke up because she wanted us to grow at our own pace and not rush or keep behind the other person. We were a long distance couple most of the time we met in college when i was a sophomore and she was a freshman. We hit it off almost immediately after meeting. We had everything in common and both bounced off eachothers energy like we were long time best friends after about 2 months i asked her to be my girlfriend. She and i lived in different states so over the summer breaks and christmas breaks we would do long distance but we made sure to text and facetime as much as we were able to and it would be pretty much everyday. We did this consistently for the first 2 and a half years. We rarely had any fights and the fight we would have we be over something we miscommunication and we always would talk about it until we solved it. Everything seemed perfect until the topic of moving in together was brought up my senior year of college. She dropped out to pursue something else but i was going in to pursue med school and that was something i told her before we started dating. Due to some poor performance on my end i wasnt able to get into any school so my second option was nursing and the same thing happened. This kinda lead me down a depression that affected me a lot just because that was something i was pursuing since i was in elementary school. I got over it after a few weeks and continued to look for alternative careers but my girlfriend was more focused on the moving in part. I always reassured her that we were going to move in as soon as we can afford it but she wanted dates and exact time frames on when i was moving in. At that time it was around April and she kept nagging me about the dates and i eventually we settled for october which would have given me enough time to work at my summer job ive been working in once i graduated and save as much as i could to move in. Once i graduated college i called up my boss and he kindly let me know that they were not any positions open for me to work and to me that brought instant stress because fast forward it took me almost 2 months to find the job i work at now but it was already end of july heading into august. Before i got the job in june my gf mom kicked her out of the house because she was moving in with her current boyfriend and selling their house. She moved into this really nice apartment but she aaked me if i would move in with her right then. I had to tell her i could not do it just because financially i couldnt afford it and she told me she could get me a job there but i told her that the job she could get me is not something i want to stay in forever and that i wanted to atleast find a job in a career that i would enjoy and make decent money in. This led to the first of many arguments that would ultimately lead to the break up. At the end of that fight she basically gave me an ultimatum that if i dont move in by October shes breaking up with and this was the mistake on my end that i regret, i agreed because i was scared of losing her. After that fast forwarding to September about two weeks before i was gonna move in i told my parents my plan whats been going on. Basically they said that she shouldnt be forcing you to do that and that you need to tell her that you just don't have enough saved up and arent ready to move out yet. I eventually had to tell her and she burst into a frenzy saying how im a lier and how i broke her heart which i can totally see her side and why it did. After apologizing as much as i could she didnt talk to me for like a week. I thought then i had lost her and was broken. After that week she texts me that she apologizes for the outrage and that she understands my side but that she doesnt wanna wait years for us to finally be together in person again and i kept reassuring again that it wasnt gonna take years i just needed to figure my finances and my career before im ready to move in. We made up and i even flew out every month or so for a few days to see her in person so that we could see eachother. Since then we went back to texting and facetime pretty much everyday and then fast forward to about a month ago out of nowhere she right a big paragraph on how this just isnt gonna work and that she wants to have a break from eachother until we figure ourselves out. I agreed and said that yes maybe it is the best we take a break for a bit. Her birthday in june and i had bought a plane ticket and called off my work to go and see her for her birthday prior the the break. I contacted her 2 weeks after and let her know that i still plan on coming to see her and she said alright. A week later about 2 days ago after havent talked she randomly texts how she thinks its best for me not to come down and break up for real this time. She explained that she just wants to be alone and wants time for us to grow at our on paces and not worry about eachother. She said that she still wants us to be friends and send eachother memes and text just not romantically. She also said that shes not doing this because she wants to see other people she just wants us to come back together when we are both self sufficient. I respect her decision but deep inside i was distraught and hopeless because the girl that i put my all into and sacrificed all my time and money just dumped me and not even in the way it happens she still wanted to be friends which makes this feeling worse. If someone was able to read all of this rant what should i do? i am still deeply in love with her and i can tell she still does too but i honestly dont know how to feel or work to get her back.

Me and my girlfriend have been together for 6 months, she was constantly lying to me, mouthing me off to her friends and lying more.
Late February we ran into issues i won't go in detail about but it involved her starting to talk about people she was attracted to to me and in public which resulted in people mocking me. among other things that crossed my boundaries. it deeply upset me to severe points i can't say here. and she continued to lie about everything going on constantly anyway. I told her if she just tells me the truth I'll actually be able to get over it but she never did but swore up and down she did and she became pretty convincing. We temporarily broke up for about a week and she came back crying and sent me paragraph after paragraph claiming they were the truth about everything start to finish and i actually believed her since it was all new and fresh information with actual tears behind them.
Fast forward a month and i join her friend groups discord server and see deleted conversations regarding me, so i text a guy who was kicked out of their internet group and asked him what it was about. He sent me pictures of what was said, and they had deleted thounsands of texts about me, and of things they thought i "wouldn't like", like letting her guy friends make jokes about how tight she is?? Apparently that one was gay but still insane regardless. My girlfriend had alsp been telling her friends in there about specifically the problems i was having, calling me controlling and telling them how upset i was in detail, which is something i specifically BEGGED her not to do, because i was paranoid she would and i was scared of looking like a loser. I'd like to mention that i reminded her at least once a week if she told me anymore lies ever I'd leave her instantly. So i confront her about this and she instantly breaks down and admits it was ALL a lie since she came back to me, she said her reasoning wasn't malicious but because she instinctively tells me whatever she thinks will fix the situation in the moment and she wanted me back.
I acted like i was going to block her and instead told her I'd take her back under certain conditions like showing me her entire phone and whatnot.
Instead of leaving i tell her things like "i don't love you like i did BACK THEN" and "i don't find you as attractive as i used to honestly" i no longer compliment her, and when i do its backhanded "you look good even tho you gained all that weight" just stuff like that, and then i love bomb her to build her back up and do it again just to hear her cry and beg for my forgiveness about what she did.
Personally i think this is deserved because of the amount her bullshit made me depressed, crying, ect. It makes me believe she deserves to feel the same thing.
Final note, she has lied about A LOT more than i include in this post and done a lot more. This is just the frame work of her shit.

Me and my girl have been together for 4 years now. We’ve been on dates and vacations together. Met each others family. The whole 9. My parents are terrible with money so I’ve been paying bills since I could work. Which means I wasn’t able to just leave when I turned 18. Then my mom had an accident yada yada yada fast forward 4/5 years my girl lives with me and my parents.
Here’s my thing, yeah there are problems that come from not having our own house but we handle. The thing is she won’t cook for me. She cleans so much less than me. She doesn’t have any hobbies or interests that she dedicates her time to. I pay for everything. Our rent, car insurance, I helped buy her car. Everything but her phone bill.
I’ve told her that this bothers me. I’ve told her that to be my partner, the mother of my children, she has to develop into a more functional capable adult. It feels like it falls on deaf ears. Her childhood trauma makes it so difficult to communicate about anything serious because she freezes up and can barely form a sentence over the simplest adult conversations.
Now to the meat and potatoes
She fell asleep a couple weeks ago on her phone. I woke up and noticed her snap was open and I saw she had a 2/3 week streak some guy. She also had notifications turned off for said guys messages. It didn’t take much for me to get that the notifications were off so I didn’t see when they were texting eachother.
I confronted her about it. I told her that I’m not okay with her snapping guys especially without telling me. She agreed that if I did it she would be bothered so I told her to quit. A few days ago I woke up with her asleep on the phone again. She’s snapping the guy and the message she had been typing as she fell asleep before she could send said something like “it’s okay boo you’re good etc”
I confront her again. She tells me they’re just friends. I’m over it at this point. I already feel like I’m raising a child and now I feel like she’s playing with me.
What should my next steps be here. I want to cut my losses but don’t know if I’m overthinking.
TLDR. My overly dependent girlfriend is texting guys behind my back. What should I do

Hey there folks, My name's Morgan. I'm 35 from Ohio. Don't you ever wish you could form a strong bond with someone over time to the point you are inseparable? You basically are family? I'm looking for that brother or sister connection. Someone who won't judge you for being you. No matter if you are straight, gay, bi, pan (me!) Or whatever you want to be. Someone who doesn't care if you are monogamous or poly, doesn't care what religion you are, (practicing wiccan here) you can be your unapologetic you.
If this is something you search for too, someone you can text or vc with daily I urge you to seek me out!
My hobbies are video games anime and movies and shows, I am a streamer and stream various things. I enjoy a good chat! This for FRIENDS ONLY!
Look forward to meeting you!

Hi Reddit,
I'm in need of some opinions regarding a complicated situation at work that involves potential retaliation and unfair treatment. I'd appreciate any insights or similar experiences you might have to help me navigate this.
Background: I've been working at my company for a couple of years. Recently, I became more active in union activities, specifically inquiring about changes to our overtime policy. Shortly after my involvement in these activities, I was suspended and then terminated, which seemed very sudden and suspicious to me.
Union Activities: - Inquiry About Overtime Policy: On November 20, 2023, the General Manager sent an email stating that due to the union, we were no longer permitted to earn overtime. - Pre-shift Meeting: On November 26, 2023, during a pre-shift meeting, a coworker and I asked management to clarify the new overtime policy. After the meeting, I sent an email to HR and our Union Representative to discuss the issue further and requested a copy of the contract. - Union Office Visit: On November 27, 2023, a coworker and I went to the union office to clarify the overtime policy. The union representatives confirmed that the no-overtime rule was not part of the union agreement but a company policy. - Confirmation from HR: On November 29, 2023, I received an email from HR confirming that the no-overtime rule was a company policy and that there was no finalized collective bargaining agreement.
Key Events Leading to Termination: 1. Drinking Incident: On November 29, 2023, after my shift, I made myself a drink. This is the incident cited by the company for my termination. 2. Meeting Request: On December 2, 2023, I sent an email requesting a meeting with HR to discuss the overtime policy further. 3. HR Response: On December 5, 2023, HR agreed to meet with me on December 9, 2023. 4. Suspension Meeting: On December 9, 2023, just before my scheduled meeting with HR, my supervisor informed me of an investigation into the drinking incident from November 29. I was suspended pending the outcome of the investigation. 5. Termination Meeting: On December 14, 2023, I was called into a meeting with my supervisor and a union representative, where I was informed that I was being terminated due to the drinking incident. The supervisor stated that they had found evidence of the incident, but did not provide this evidence to me or the union.

Key Evidence and How It Supports My Claim:

1. Recorded Statement:
   
   • Timeline: The recording captures a conversation with my supervisor on December 9, 2023, shortly before my suspension.
   • Support: In the recording, the supervisor stated they only recently became aware of my alleged policy violation. This directly contradicts the company's claim that they knew about the incident much earlier, suggesting inconsistencies in their account and indicating possible retaliation.
2. Employer’s Documentation (Equifax Report):
   
   • Timeline: The document, dated February 21, 2024, details my termination and the reasons for it.
   • Support: The report confirms the official reason for my termination and the timeline of events leading up to it. However, it does not specify when the employer became aware of the alleged misconduct, aligning with my claim that the timing is suspect and possibly retaliatory. This supports the inconsistency highlighted by the recorded statement.
3. Text Messages and Emails:
   
   • Timeline: These communications span the period before and after the alleged incident.
   • Support: The messages show that other employees, including managers, engaged in similar conduct without being disciplined. They also include instructions to lie about the contents of the drinks, indicating selective enforcement and unfair treatment. This evidence supports my claim of inconsistency and possible targeting due to my union activities.
4. Union Activities Timeline:
   
   • November 20, 2023: Inquiry about overtime policy begins with the General Manager’s email.
   • November 26, 2023: Pre-shift meeting where I and a coworker questioned the overtime policy.
   • November 27, 2023: Visit to the union office to clarify the policy.
   • November 29, 2023: Confirmation from HR that the overtime rule is a company policy, followed by the drinking incident after my shift.
   • December 2, 2023: Email requesting a meeting with HR.
   • December 5, 2023: HR agrees to meet with me on December 9, 2023.
   • December 9, 2023: Suspended pending investigation just before the HR meeting.
   • December 14, 2023: Termination meeting citing the drinking incident.
5. Unemployment Appeal:
   
   • Timeline: After I filed my NLRB claim, the company appealed my unemployment benefits.
   • Support: The timing of this appeal, especially since similar actions were not taken for other employees terminated for similar reasons, suggests a retaliatory motive aimed at discouraging my union activities. This further supports my claim of retaliation and selective enforcement.

Current Situation:

• I filed a case with the National Labor Relations Board (NLRB) alleging retaliation and unfair treatment.
• During a grievance meeting, the company offered to reinstate me if I completed an Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) program, but this offer does not address my core issues of retaliation and selective enforcement.

What I'm Looking For:

I'm seeking opinions on how to proceed. Specifically, I'm interested in: - How to strengthen my case and what additional evidence might be useful. - Insights into how others have handled similar situations and what outcomes they experienced. - Any legal nuances or strategies that could help in presenting my case effectively.
Thanks in advance for your help!
Feel free to share your thoughts or similar experiences. I could really use some guidance on the best steps forward.

Hey there folks,. My name's Morgan. I'm 35 from Ohio. Don't you ever wish you could form a strong bond with someone over time to the point you are inseparable? You basically are family? I'm looking for that brother or sister connection. Someone who won't judge you for being you. No matter if you are straight, gay, bi, pan (me!) Or whatever you want to be. Someone who doesn't care if you are monogamous or poly, doesn't care what religion you are, (practicing wiccan here) you can be your unapologetic you.
If this is something you search for too, someone you can text or vc with daily I urge you to seek me out!
My hobbies are video games anime and movies and shows, I am a streamer and stream various things. I enjoy a good chat! I also don't mind if things stay platonic! If things ever grew past that we can talk it out like civilized adults. Either way i don't mind. With this being said I'll just say this, I'm pansexual and poly, I have 2 partners whom live with me.
Look forward to meeting you!

Hey there folks,. My name's Morgan. I'm 35 from Ohio. Don't you ever wish you could form a strong bond with someone over time to the point you are inseparable? You basically are family? I'm looking for that brother or sister connection. Someone who won't judge you for being you. No matter if you are straight, gay, bi, pan (me!) Or whatever you want to be. Someone who doesn't care if you are monogamous or poly, doesn't care what religion you are, (practicing wiccan here) you can be your unapologetic you.
If this is something you search for too, someone you can text or vc with daily I urge you to seek me out!
My hobbies are video games anime and movies and shows, I am a streamer and stream various things. I enjoy a good chat! I also don't mind if things stay platonic! If things ever grew past that we can talk it out like civilized adults. Either way i don't mind. With this being said I'll just say this, I'm pansexual and poly, I have 2 partners whom live with me.
Look forward to meeting you!

30M, 32F. The length of the relationship was about 8 months. What should I do?
So I met this girl for 6 months. The first 6 months were wonderful and I was happy. However, at the end of the first 6 months, she told me her parents wanted her to date someone else and so she dumped me. However we kept on talking and then she eventually met up with me unexpectedly in a random place without plans and talked to me and told me she missed me. And So, I got back together with her only to find out the other person that her parents want her to date was doing alot of weird stuff like stalking her, looking into the apartment window when we were intimate, showing up at unexpected placed when we were on our dates, etc. Eventually, she ended up dating us both at the same time and it was an incredibly heart breaking experience for me because I knew her for the first 6 months already so I already had alot of emotional attachment and felt betrayed, but I stuck it through. 1 time during the love triangle, she called me and was like I think we shouldn't see each other and just hung up. I was so sad I went to her place and demanded to talk in person. She left the house and the other guy was there and we talked for a bit. She told me she missed me alot but her parents are forcing her to be with the other guy. Even more, she told me the other guy took her phone and forced her to delete my number and block me. We cried for a bit together and I told her I wanted to visit her parents in vietnam to try to get them to meet me and convince them to accept me. During the 3 months till that trip, the more she saw the other guy or talked to him on the phone, the more it hurted me. To some point, I felt so betrayed it soured our time together. I think that kind of startd to tear us apart. The betrayal was too much for me. Eventually, the other guy found out that I was planning to go to vietnam with her to meet her parents, so he decided to go to. However, she knew about this but didn't tell me. Though, I knew. So I went to vietnam, met her parents. She introduced me to them as 'a friend' and her parents introduced me to the family as 'a friend'. I was really offended by that honestly but didn't say anything. I tried to be on my best behavior and helped out around the house. Also, since I was in another country, at first she took me around on dates or sight seeing. I felt a bit useless and powerless because as a man I wanted to take her on dates. So I learnt to ride the motor bike in vietnam. First weeks were great and I think our relationship was getting better. However, one day, someone jumped out into the road and we were going about 7 mph. I managed to avoid hitting the person but hit the front of their motor bike. We ended up having bruises but nothing major. But I can understand that it was really impactful to her since she isn't the adventurous kind of person. After that, I felt as if her mood changed. I tried to cheer her up and tell her sorry and tried to ask her if she was ok and if there was anything I can do, but she just kept saying she was fine. Then, 2 days later, it felt like her family was trying to get me to go on a trip to another part of vietnam. Initially her and I planned to go on this trip, but at the last minute, her mom told me that she had to bail on the trip. In the end, I left the home to go on this trip, and flew back to vietnam after. I asked her if she wanted to be picked up from the airport, but she said 'no she already arranged something else'. At that point I for sure knew that the other guy was picking her up and shortly after she told me we should stop seeing each other.
Fast forward from alot of emotional pain and crying by myself and seeing how cold she had become, we started talking again and started to be emotional. She was complaining about her relationship to me and how she missed me. She would send me gifts to my house and all. And eventually, she showed up unexpectedly at my door and started crying and asked me for forgiveness. Of course I caved and hugged her, made out, and told her that I forgive her and cried. The day after that, we went on a date with just us two. I told her to park at a parking lot and I would pick her up. At some point we ended up having sex and making out. At the end of the day, I drove her to the parking lot and I saw a white car parked with it's license plate covered in a trash bag. I drove my car in front of it, shined my high beams and there he was, the other guy. I walked out of the car and ripped the trash bag off and remembered the license plate. She wanted me to pull up in front of the car and they started yelling at each other. He said, 'remember you promise your mom to never go back to him (me)'. And she yells back, 'My parents don't care about me'. And, I was in the middle of all of this listening in and keeping quiet. Fearing for what the other person would do out of anger after seeing me with her, I offered to follow her car back home. So I did, followed her home and she went in. After that, it's her decision for what she wants to do after that, I thought and I went home as well.
Two days later, I realized that for the whole afternoon and evening she stopped talking to me. I was wondering what was happening, perhaps something bad happened to her. So that night I drove around looking for her. Eventually, I winged back at her place. Since it felt like an emergency situation I looked into the window to find she was having sex with the other person. Honestly I was heart broken for another time. How can someone come back to me, cry, and beg for my forgiveness only to hurt me like that a second time or perhaps even a third. The next day, I confronted her about it over the phone. I told her how I felt betrayed, how I felt she wasn't being sincere when she came to me, how now I am confused about what's going on. She basically told me that she talked to the other person's mom, and now somehow believes in her relationship with the other guy would work. Somehow they 'connect'. I was a bit tipped off and sad. So I asked her what she meant by that and all and how having sex with one person one day and then going back to have sex with another person was being a bit insincere. Then, she told me over the phone, 'Your voice sounds so sexy and it turns me on.' And honestly, possibly a mistake, but I jumped on it and we planned to meet for lunch and had sex again in the car. Then, on my way back to work, I found out that she had forgotten her phone in the car. She contacted me and told me that she really needed that so I went back to her place. And, we had sex again. At some point, we kept on talking but then when confronting her about how we can make our relationship long term she tells me that perhaps we should stop talking to one another. She tells me that she felt bad because she feels like a liar and a cheater and she didn't want to be that kind of person anymore. From there, we met one last time and went through the whole dance of trying to get her to make things work, but we hugged for a bit and eventually I let my hand hung on hers, and she moved away to let it go. I took that as the end.
I texted her a message after saying this: you're a great human being, I but what we have going on, the amount of stress and confusion you have brought into my life is not conducive and not a healthy life that I deserve. I deserve someone who respects me, loves me unconditionally, and wants to protect my heart. I would appreciate it if you not come in and out of my life as you please. I haven't had the courage to say this to you but you don't respect me and my life and energy, and i think it's long overdue that i've let you continue to cross my boundary over and over. I think it's time you and I go our separate ways and if you respect me at all, you will honor what I ask and move on. Please do not text me, please do not call me or reach out.
I blocked her on everything for about a week. And then I unblocked her on WhatsApp. She saw this and started to message me about everyday telling me how her day was, what she was doing, and hoping that I am ok, and wishing me good night and good morning. However, nothing about getting back together or missing me. So far, I have ignored all of the messages. It is about the 13th day after I have unblocked her and she is still messaging me. I am just not sure about what to do, what to say. In my heart maybe I want her back but I know that she's mistreated me and betrayed me so much. How should I handle the situation in a way that kind of leaves room for her to make up for what she has done in a way that I can forgive her if I even should ever forgive her? I need advice of any kind honestly. Maybe what should I text back or maybe I should ignore her all together?

A few weeks ago, someone posted a link to one of Don’s rants and I went through and commented on each of the points. I can't find that post, but I had copied it over here: https://www.reddit.com/perpetualeducation/comments/1c7k9re/donthedeveloper_on_a_rant_about_how_aspiring/
We had a chat about it. Here’s the video/podcast: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EHmqZkC3LqU&lc
Don titled it: There's a MASSIVE Skill Gap Among New Developers
I'll attempt to write a bit about that - (even though we went over many other topics - and I'm having a hard time grouping them)
It’s easy to simplify this into “the market” or “the boot camp” or “the tech stack” or "what's fair" or "the resume" - but I think people are missing the various multidimensional aspects at play. Is it:
Is it all of those things - and more? (Yes). And it's "the student" too." We're all different (cue reading rainbow moment). But it's true. Some of us are slower. Some of us are faster but miss the details. Some of us have a background that alignes neatly with tech. Some of us already know what job we want and why - and other people just want to make a good bet on a stable career. No matter what zone you're in, we still have to face the music - and deal with (trigger alert) - the truth.
The market is real. Companies aren't aggressively hireing random barely capable developers right now (like they have in the past). They're scared and holding on to their money. They also kinda realized they were spending more money on middle management and probably developers too - and are going to need some time to figure out how to make profitable businesses (or how to keep getting more VC funding to burn through).
But if there's a huge gap between your skills/experience and what it takes to do the job you're applying for, none of the other factors matter.
Many people choose a coding boot camp based on superficial factors like the price, the timeline, the website design, and the sales pitch. They often don't consider other important aspects because they simply don't know better. This isn’t unlike any other product or service or school.
Some people pick out a boot camp and learn a bunch of awesome stuff and they go out there and start a new career and for some reason, they don’t come back to Reddit to tell us about it. There are some legit colleges and boot camps and other alternative learning paths out there - that are really great. It's just a fact.
If you read the bootcamp marketing, paid your tuition, went through the steps they lined out, and came out the other end unable to get that job they promised you, well - that’s awkward. Maybe for you, it’s that simple. If you feel like you got a raw deal, I’m sorry. There are some businesses that should be ashamed of themselves - but they won't be. All you can do is warn other people. That’s over now. We can only work with the present.
For people who really want to work in this industry - they'll keep moving forward: at the end of the day, this is the playing field. So, if you want to get off the bench, we’re going to have to design a path to that – and you might need to rethink some of your assumptions.
It could certainly be said that new developers are now expected to know about–and have experience with–a lot more things.
Are the expectations that someone brand new to development is going to be able to get a job unreasonable? Well, does it matter what someone’s opinion about that is? You either want the job - or you don’t. And you need to know how to do the job, or no one will hire you. Do you need to know everything on this huge list to get an entry level position https://roadmap.sh/javascript ? (no) (in fact - close that - and don’t ever look at it again)
When I started (at the age of ~30) (in ~2011), you needed to know HTML, CSS, (Probably some PhotoShop to get your assets), maybe a little PHP (and likely HTTP and more about URLs and request types and forms), FTP and DNS to get your site hosted, and maybe some JavaScript. You might have used jQuery to help out or Knockout.js. And you had to know how to hook up a database and MySQL and probably a CMS or some sort. And maybe your code was a mess or maybe it adhered to some common patterns. But that was life. Not everyone needed to know all those things. Some people would focus more on getting the mockup into the HTML and CSS. Other people might focus on the server and the PHP or Perl or Java. There were all sorts of jobs and some of them were done by people with a formal education in Computer Science studies and other people just figured it out as needed. There was a lot of work to be done. Lots of custom stuff to build and maintain. And it was just normal to learn more incrementally as the years went by. You could totally get a job knowing just HTML and CSS (and you still can BTW). There was still an infinite amount of things you could know. But it seemed to ramp up naturally because we were closer to the grain of The Web.
So, what do people learn now? (Generally) They rush through some HTML and CSS really quick (which actually teaches them more bad habits than good). They rarely learn about DNS or FTP because a tutorial showed them how to type a few random things into a terminal to have their site on a free service and they don’t buy a domain name because there’s a free subdomain. Apparently paying for anything is for suckers and companies that don't give you things for free are evil capitalistic pigs who should be shut down. New devs don’t know much about servers because their text editor is actually running an advanced web application behind the scenes that starts a virtual server and runs all sorts of other things they don’t understand outside of that context - like connecting to version control, opening a terminal pane, SSH, code completion and typeahead, autoimport completion, AI suggestions and other additional layers like typescript and many other linters to tell them where all their errors are. If they couldn't use VSCode - they might be dead in the water. It can feel like you’re just a bag of meat being yelled at by VSCode as you try and solve the errors and remove all the red lines. And we do all of these - to put the training wheels in place.
And I’m not saying that a LAMP stack doesn’t have it’s own level of black-box and mysteries with how Apache handles your HTTP requests and MySQL starts up it’s own server - but we have to be comfortable with some level of abstraction or we’d be writing all ones and zeros at the machine code level.
So, the new developer is manning this huge stack of tools unknowingly, but they do get a lot of benefits. We can spin up a pretty complex web application with a front-end to make requests, a server to talk to a database and other third-party systems and respond back to the client/front-end, and an auth layer to make sure people are properly signing in and only seeing what they need to see. There are abstractions for HTML and CSS and JS that put that template logic and controller logic into a neat little component file (which is great) and that component file is properly registered based on file name conventions and everything gets set up in this larger system of conventions that all happen behind the scenes in the framework architecture. So, as a new developer - you can really ride the framework and know hardly anything about how it works - as long as you know the language to speak to this layer of the abstraction (the API).
These aren't just arbitrary add-ons that people made to complicate things. They solve real-world problems. The new dev won't really understand what they are - but I'm not saying we should just get rid of them. They allow us to move faster and to build interfaces and business logic without having to write tons of behind the scenes repeated structural code by hand. And with those training wheels, we have more time on our hands. We can also add in the chance to further define our programs with safety measures and plan automated testing routines, and built-in documentation of our code base. We can keep adding layers and layers or pull in more and more third-party tools. It’s pretty amazing. But what people end up learning is how to maintain that configuration - and there’s only so much time - and so, they end up learning 10% of all the things you used to need/want to know. And some jobs have a path for that. But there's likely going to be a long-term cost for you.
Arguably - it doesn’t matter how much “code” you know - and making things is what matters. And that’s true. That’s what matters to the business that pays you. And to the school that wants you to feel good about your progress. But I think you should protect your learning journey. It’s for you. It’s going to be what you carry on throughout the years and it’s a seed.
Getting proficient with a popular tech stack - when the market is booming proved to be a great decision for boot camps and their students. And I'd bet that the majority of people mean well.
But when it's not booming, students are in it for the wrong reasons, schools have tightened up and moved online, the market has plenty of devs who already have 5+ years working with that framework/stack -- then all of the sudden - the surface-level fake-it-till-you-make-it path (as much as I respect that) doesn't work as well. You're going to have to put in some more energy.
When it's obvious that you can't build an HTML page with semantic markup, that's accessible, and has a universally pleasurable experience, and you can't write CSS without a UI framework or do anything custom, it's obvious. You should be aware of that gap. When you've never owned a domain name or setup a deployment pipeline, you should be aware of that gap. When your personal website looks like your boot camp gave it to you, you should be aware of how that looks. When you can't take a server-side scripting language like Python or Go or PHP and build out a little personal website framework - you should be aware of that gap. When you can't plan a project and don't have experience with diagrams and explaining things, you need to be aware of that gap. When you've never written about your process or created any case-studies to explain your projects, you should be aware of that gap. When you're only proof of work is the class assignments, you should be aware of that gap. When your github history goes dead after the last day of class, you should be aware that we'll see that. When you claim to no nothing about visual design and that's for someone else on the team - you should be aware of that gap. If you refuse to turn on your camera and just want to be left alone, you should be aware of that huge gap. If you can't build a little prototype app without React, they you probably don't JavaScript, and you should be aware of that gap. And there will ALWAYS be a gap. There's always more to learn. So - it's an important skill to know what to learn and why - and when. You can't learn everything. And if you're having a hard time finding work right now, then get clear on your goal. Stop applying for general "Software engineer" jobs you aren't ready for. Narrow your scope. Figure out a job that you think you can do confidently. Get clear on how big your gap is and what you need to learn to get centered and confident with your toolset. Ideally, it's fun. Try and ignore all the doom and gloom and focus on your own personal goal.
It's not just the market. Too many people are applying for jobs they aren't anywhere near qualified to do. And it probably doesn't feel good. But luckily - you can learn the things and get back on track.

I’ve been dating this guy since August 2023. We didn’t do labels early on in the relationship but we verbalized that we were only interested in one another and were exclusive. We also set the boundary that flirting was cheating. We cemented the fact that we were only talking to/interested in/ sleeping with only each other. Things were going great. Seriously. I was planning a future. I met his family, he met mine. He never shared his location or phone password but I didn’t look into it too hard. Just figured he needed space and we could warm up to sharing that stuff later on. Last week we were on a walk and I asked him to take a picture of us with the sunset. While taking said picture the most recent photo in his phone popped up and it was a screenshot of a girls dating profile and she was not fully covered. He denied cheating on me stating that it was a pic from a group chat with the “gym bros” and that he was ashamed he saved the pic or even engaged in the group chat at all. He wouldn’t show me his phone stating that he already deleted the text thread. Throughout the night he refused to let me look on his phone and he continued deleting things (messages, pics, etc). Finally he let me look at it but promptly took it back after I showed him I could restore deleted text threads. He eventually fessed up to messaging multiple girls and flirting with them for the entirety of our relationship. After taking time to think things over I decided to end it. He begged and pleaded for me to give him another chance and that he would change and earn my trust back…that I can have full access to his phone and location moving forward… but I honestly feel so betrayed and blindsided that I said no. I also know that I would turn into an obsessive and paranoid person that would always be checking his phone and social media and location and I don’t want that. I guess what im asking for is for someone that gave their cheating ex another chance to comment and reassure me that I made the right choice in leaving him… please. 💔

Hi everyone, hope you guys are doing alright.
I (M23) am currently dating a girl (F25) who's a friend of mine for a year by now. We're dating since October and officially started in March.
To give a bit of context for what I'm about to tell, I met her through a friend (F24) of mine. We have this small friend group and we all work together. I've founded a company with these people. Last year, I met my gf in may. I was breaking up by that time with my ex (F22) on a 3Y relationship. When I met my current girlfriend I was a happier person. I always had a good time. I'm also relatively successful, I love my friends and family and also the people who I work with (I'm an architect).
The thing is. She met me when I was doing alright. I was always busy as I always am. And I almost always have a smile on my face and a joke to get a laugh. But now I'm just emotionally drained by her. She started working with me and our friends at our company. I thought she would be a great addition to the team, but since we started dating I feel like she complains a lot about the team and our work, and started performing a lot weaker than when we weren't dating. Then brings work discussions into our relationship and I can't stand it.
I am not used to being treated like this. She raises her voice at me all the time. She acts like a kid when she's mad. She complains all the time. When we were just dating she was wonderful. Now I feel like she's just a pain in my ass. I don't feel loved. I already spoke to her that I don't like the way she's treating me, but she comes with the response "I'm just like this" and she doesn't want to change. I don't get good morning or good night texts, I don't get asked about my day at work or overall my days. And this gets me wondering what am I doing in this relationship...
Is this even common?
I know she loves me....but on my point of view, she doesn't deliver that love.
I had a tough talk with her recently also about all this and the way she treats me and she said "you can take some vacations from me and when you feel like handling me come back"
I don't want to handle any gf in my life. I just want a pleasurable companion by my side who supports me. I have it really hard. I'm currently finishing my studies and I run a company with 15 people and my architecture studio. I feel at this point that it is too much to ask, but I really never felt like I needed a break from a relationship. I don't feel ok like this.
Also....I think that if I leave, my life will be a mess.... I'll have to deal with the loss of a friend group. Possibly a couple of workers on my company.....
And then....today a friend of mine (F24), who's currently dating (so you know she didn't say this to me cus she could possibly be interested) told me while I was on the phone with my gf (she heard a part of the conversation cus she was shouting on the other end) that I could find better....and prettier. I'm honest. I do like the looks of her, but she's not as pretty as the girls I used to date, and having that said to my face anoyed me. I do love her, but she doesn't take care of herself She is pretty. I think she is. But if I hadn't fell for her personality I wouldn't be dating her, and I don't like the way she's treating me right now.
And guess what. I feel stuck...
I don't know if there's really a way out of this... I feel like staying but at the same time I know that this is not right as it is right now.
She says she's not changing and I feel overwhelmed by this all the time. It's like it's killing me inside. I feel some days loved and some days she just yells all the time...
TL;DR - I feel tired. I'm in an what I think to be an abusive relationship. I don't feel respected nor loved, but deep down I know she loves me. I'm stuck cause we work together and have the same group of friends. It's like everything backfired, and honestly I'm just tired.
So the question I ask is.... How do you see this going forward? Will she ever change and how can I do it? Or is it time to go?