Thong of day

it's my first post on Reddit and I'm opening up about something that i never talkd over befor. I'm a 26-year-old man or transwoman (prefer transwoman hihi), and I've always felt a bit feminine, but I was always looked at strangely by my family because of it. They're strict, and they see this as against our religion. I'm of Arabic descent, and my girlfriend is Belgian. When I was younger, I suppressed these feelings and thought something was wrong with me. I've had 5 relationships with girls and I'm genuinely attracted to girls or trans girls but not guys. My current girlfriend (24 years old), whom I've been with for 5 years, im the first guys shes been with, she. She's bisexual she with a girl befor for 2 year, when she was jonger, im the first person also shes had sex with. I'm very open with her, and she saw that I enjoy watching trans porn, which she was fine with. She appreciates my openness. At home, I sometimes wear leggings or even skirts for her, especially when we're having a good time drinking. Sometimes, I even wear a thong for her, hihi ^^. During the day, I have an office job, and I only wear masculine clothes. My colleagues have noticed that I'm a bit feminine, but they don't know that I wear girl's clothes sometimes. I don't feel an immediate urge to wear girl's clothes outside because I'm afraid of being looked at strangely or someone I know seeing me. My girlfriend is supportive of me wearing girl's clothes home. She's a bit reserved herself. We've tried pegging, and it was super fun. I think I might be a non-binary genderfluid person. I feel really comfortable and sexy when I'm wearing girl's clothes and some makeup.
Can you guys give me some advice and tell me if this is normal? <3 Love all :3

Namaste ! 🙏
Maybe you people can help me and gove me advises. Expecially about cultural differences that may happen without me noticing them.
Basically, I (French M24) started a long distance relationship with an Indian (F22). We talk for a few weeks now. Quite often, and usually for long. So long that she sleeps at 3am for me and I told her I don't like that, it's bad for her.
We're botg students in 3rd year… so we know it will be long - 2 years at least - until one moves. She wants to work in France later and learns it. And on my side I don't mind coming to India. I could do the effort if Inm sure.
I'm a lover of vídeo games that likes to stay at home and spend the day on it, and I like mangas and animes quite a lot. Like Vinland Saga. Which is very mature and dark sometimes. But also really deep. And things like Disney movies.
And she is not. But we agree on the important things you know. What we want. How we view relationships. That we have to make efforts. Etc. And we had good laughs and cute moments sometimes. We say we love each other a lot. And I feel she's loyal and could be the one and build a future together if things continue between us.
The thing is that sometimes I don't really have much to talk about except the game I like to play, or a manga I read today. And I kinda feel like she's bored with it. And that to her it's for children. I don't think she knows a lot about it so maybe that's the thing.
She says she accepts me as I am but I fear that part of my personality, aside all the things I have to share, isn't one she really likes. And sometimes that she don't want to say it.
And I fear thongs would break with time. Long distance can be uneasy. And 2 years or more is a lot.
We had a big talk last night and I asked to let me have some days to think.
Can you help me and give me your opinions? Does the same situation hapenned to you? How did you managed?

Hi beautiful people <3,
it's my first post on Reddit and I'm opening up about something that i never talkd over befor. I'm a 26-year-old man or transwoman (prefer transwoman hihi), and I've always felt a bit feminine, but I was always looked at strangely by my family because of it. They're strict, and they see this as against our religion. I'm of Arabic descent, and my girlfriend is Belgian. When I was younger, I suppressed these feelings and thought something was wrong with me. I've had 5 relationships with girls and I'm genuinely attracted to girls or trans girls but not guys. My current girlfriend (24 years old), whom I've been with for 5 years, im the first guys shes been with, she. She's bisexual she with a girl befor for 2 year, when she was jonger, im the first person also shes had sex with. I'm very open with her, and she saw that I enjoy watching trans porn, which she was fine with. She appreciates my openness. At home, I sometimes wear leggings or even skirts for her, especially when we're having a good time drinking. Sometimes, I even wear a thong for her, hihi ^^. During the day, I have an office job, and I only wear masculine clothes. My colleagues have noticed that I'm a bit feminine, but they don't know that I wear girl's clothes sometimes. I don't feel an immediate urge to wear girl's clothes outside because I'm afraid of being looked at strangely or someone I know seeing me. My girlfriend is supportive of me wearing girl's clothes home. She's a bit reserved herself. We've tried pegging, and it was super fun. I think I might be a non-binary genderfluid person. I feel really comfortable and sexy when I'm wearing girl's clothes and some makeup.
Can you guys give me some advice and tell me if this is normal? <3 Love all :3

Regina gets all "motherly" on her older sister.
No, wrong. She gets all TRITONY. Except...
"I hate you, how dare you mate with that scoundrel!" Instead of "HUMANS! I'm prejudice against them! Ariel!!!!!!!!"
I mean, at least Triton came around (because Eric saved Ariel) after screaming at Ariel for saving Eric, which is more than I can say about REGINA!
Also, actually, that mirror thing Regina did, which is called STALKING. Yep, Regina STALKED Zelena...was not exactly Triton but Young Sister's Watching You creepy as f***.
Zelena did not bother telling Regina, "You do realize, with all that salivating you do in that mirror that BELLE is the one who gave me the idea to date Sir Dead Guy, eh?" Belle is the one who said, "You might want to get Hades in the sack! It's time, love. You haven't done it in a long time, right? It's growing back. I think...you've only had the baby, what, five days ago? Postpartum bodies, who gets them? Me, I'm getting morning sickness even though my husband told me I was pregnant SIXTY SECONDS ago...I'm super smart though!" (I'm frankly amazed they didn't make Belle be nine months along already and drop the baby at Hades' feet, all wth is that??? A baby? Is it Will's?)
Yes, Zelena never would have stopped guarding her heart if BELLE hadn't talked sense into her. So...Regina can thank Belle because she's a better Young Sister than Regina is.
I absolutely hate Regina's attitude toward Zelena. I GET Zelena's a total jerk to her up until she's in the underworld and the writers chiseled off her psychotic energy. But Regina thinks she's a GOOD PERSON because she won't let anyone kill Zelena?
That's BULLS***. I don't know what the writers are smoking, but you know what makes someone a good person? Compassion. Merely NOT KILLING SOMEONE doesn't make you a good person. You don't have to be a murderer to be a truly terrible person. Cora really f***ed Regina up because she never listened to her. Regina repeatedly complained that Snow and co were too self-righteous...then she becomes TEN THOUSAND times more self-righteous than any of them ever are.
And that's saying a lot. Considering when Anton was raging at them, Snow said, "We're good!" Who does that? In real life? That's cringey, but I guess if we're saying they grew up with fictional people brains, it kinda works...
I know some people disagree with me, but it really bothers me how Regina acts toward Zelena in s6, when Zelena is genuinely TRYING to be a good person. NOBODY was that nasty to Regina, even GRUMPY, when she tried to turn a new leaf.
And if I wished Regina had gotten tired of everyone treating her cruelly when she was trying to be a good person in s2 and wished she'd blast them already and go, "Fine, I'll be evil, just like yall want," in s6, Regina is like a parole officer sniffing Zelena's breath every time she gazes off into a sunset. It would've been a lot more realistic if that tight chokehold Regina had on Zelena made the wicked come out...with no remorse attached. And it'd be all Regina's fault. There IS no compassion. If you want to be angry about her r**ing Robin, I'd get it, but she's angry because Zelena AND ROBIN saved Regina from Hades but Robin had to die and Zelena got to live.
For aaaaaalllllllll Regina "nobody gets to kill my sister", in s6, she shows the audience if Hades had killed Zelena and Robin lived instead, she'd be happy. Because Regina lives in the land of "I wish my life were different" instead of being kind to what people try to love her who she has left. Zelena is really trying in s6...and Regina is the one who TOLD HER TO KISS HADES and start his heart. Sure, Zelena should've ignored her. But you can't tell someone to do something then hate them forever because they LISTENED TO YOU.
Regina wasn't mad about Robin's r***, she was just feeling like a better person (when she r***d Graham for probably 35 years then KILLED him because he was coming out of the coma, so to speak). But when Robin dies...and Zelena saves her life...Regina's thong gets stuck. So snide, so self-righteous. I like her better when she'd smiling smugly and destroying random people's happiness than when she goes around acting better than Zelena because Zelena is trying to open her heart to Regina and Regina is being snooty.
Basically, empaths dressed in vipers clothing are extremely obnoxious.
And far as the whole Cora thing goes...let's remember...she gave Zelena up as a baby thinking Zelena would be eaten by wolves. S5 has a flashback where she goes to get her to save Regina's life (and while this is definitely a "new idea" instead of an old plan, lets pretend it was planned all along), and when she goes to get her, she sees Zelena's adopted father about to hit her.
And what does Cora do? She throws her back to be beaten by the adoptive father.
THEN SHE TRIES TO CONVINCE ZELENA SHE LOVES HER. Why does she even want to MEET Zelena? For Regina. To help Regina.
Then she makes up some bs before she departs about how she cares about Zelena, so she goes to heaven. No, Cora. No, you don't care about Zelena at all. You just lied.
People do it all the time, make up some grand sob story about how they care about you purely to guide you into biting the bullet they have reserved for you.
If Cora cared about Zelena (I don't care if she had her heart or not), the time to stop bsing would be when she saw that guy about to hit Zelena. She would not have sent Zelena back to him if she cared about her on any level.
I really wish the writing had not forgiven Cora. They should have just made her actually be accountable for the bad things she did. But the ONLY thing she did that wasn't totally shitty was explain to Regina that Hades can't be changed by something as simple as "love". Then the second she goes to heaven, Regina forgets all about that, and she tells Zelena to make wild love to Hades.
Then she gets mad at Zelena when she goes and does exactly that.

Hi so, I’m graduating from a hospitality course in a few weeks and then we have the interview process for when we get work, I have a casual day time suit but the only type of formal-ish heels I have are thong sandal heels and they’re completely open.
I want to wear them to show my personal flair and be confident but I also heard it’s more appropriate to wear closed shoes.
Should I go with the heels or try and find some closed formal shoes?

So last night my new boyfriend came over we will call him John and we had a lovely dinner I made and I was so surprised Max my German shepherd was a very good boy bring nice I guess he could tell I liked him. I was wearing a slutty little black dress with a red thong that didn't stay on long, after dinner we sat on the sofa talking and I told him all about my animal loving history and I mean every from when I started to now and he was loving it tell me I was his dream girl he loved that I love being a bitch and having giving my love to dogs and told me never to stop and that he hopes to just join into my relationship with animals as a loving partner and when he said that he kissed me and that turned into hot dirty messy sex he's cock is very large around 10 inches and thick very blessed he's about the same size as max not as thick as Max's knot but still very nice and he loved how loose my body was he's never been with a woman that could take his cock balls deep in there ass, pussy, and mouth with ease and had no problem with him going from my asshole to my mouth or putting my tongue into his asshole as I stroked his cock like I would a horse. It was a nasty delicious night as I was sucking on his cock after cumming inside my ass for the first time Max jumped up and wanted his turn and John spread my ass so Max had a clear shot for my pussy witch he took and that just made John's cock throb even harder in my mouth till he was balls deep down my throat, he loves my no gag reflex and loved how I was a drooling cum filled mess as Max knotted my pussy and filled me with his hot doggy seed John couldn't help himself cumming in my mouth a second big load of delicious cum in my mouth. After that we snuggled the 3 of use for a bit chating and just being close with each other relaxing till the hot smell of John's cock was to much for me to take anymore and I got on my knees like a good bitch and started to lick his balls and cock every delicious inches of him, a big plus got John is that he's a Naturalist like me never using soaps when washing so his nature smell and Manly muck was intoxicating like a animal in heat I couldn't get enough of him he always smelled good but now naked and all hot and sweaty it was to much for me, I was get wet just from his smell and he could 100% tell I loved it asking me if I liked his dirty cock and watching my drooling on him like an animal myself, the second he was starting to get hard I got up and let his throbbing cock slide into my cum filled vagina using Max's cum as lube and I rode hid cock like an animal as he held my little breasts sucking on my hard nipples and I milked another load out of him deep into my vagina and I orgasmed so hard I squirted like a waterfall falling onto his big strong chest. He held me as he's cock relaxed inside me still pretty large even soft and he layed me down only pulling out to lay next to me and kiss me as Max layed between my legs cleaning my vagina and must of passed out because I woke up to my alarm and John made me breakfast so of course before he had to leave for work I sucked him off and got ready for work myself I can't wait to have him over this weekend and hopefully have a couple days to really show him what a good girl I can be for him he said he want to take me out shopping and spoil me I've never had a man want me like him and also he want to let Max meet his dog so hopefully we can have a great 4some one day I know I'm so in love already 😍🥰

EDIT: I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for your feedback. Obviously I got excited and clearly overpacked :) I had everything laid out on my desk, and I was able to reduce it by almost 50% (7 tops, 4 bottoms, 2 dresses, 2 pairs yoga pants (includes ones to wear on the plane), 2 yoga tops and 2 bathing suits. Thank you again for all your help!!
Hi everyone!
I found this sub by accident and so glad I did! I'm going to Italy (Puglia region) for a week (May 17-24), followed by 4 days in Berlin to see a friend. I've been watching the weather and it seems quite warm, but I have no idea what the nights are like, and same with Berlin. In Puglia I will be doing a yoga retreat, where we will be doing yoga twice a day (first thing in the morning, then the evening), with our days open to whatever we feel like such as the beach, a hike, visiting local towns etc. We may have 1-2 "fancy" nights at a restaurant. In Berlin, I will mostly be hanging out with my friend, walking around, sitting at cafes etc.
I only want to bring a small backpack and a carry-on, since I will be taking a few lower cost flights and the checked bag fees are high. I have compression bags to shrink my clothes. I tried to stick to a colour palette of 4 (black, white/cream, red, blue), so I can have more things to mix and match. I am also bringing some laundry detergent in case I need to sink wash! Here is what I have:
Tops: (12 total) 1 blue/white striped t-shirt, 1 black t-shirt, 1 white ribbed tank top, 1 navy ribbed tank top, 1 red cotton tank top, 1 off-shoulder black and white "fancy" top, 1 white t-shirt (wear on plane), 1 blue and white striped button-down, 1 white cotton gauze button-down, 1 light blue button down (I figured the button-downs can double as a light evening layer or beach cover-up), 1 red sweater, 1 cream cardigan (wear on plane)
Bottoms: (6 total) 1 pair blue jean shorts, 1 pair black cotton gauze wide leg pants, 1 pair black flowy bermuda shorts, 1 pair cropped wide leg blue jeans, 1 black midi skirt with elasticized waist, 1 pair stretch trousers (for the plane)
Dresses: (2 total) 1 black gingham fit and flare mini dress, 1 cotton eyelet white mini dress
Yoga clothes: 3 pairs black leggings, 1 black bra, 3 black/blue/striped yoga tops, 1 pair black yoga shorts
Shoes: 1 pair black birkenstock leather sandals, 1 pair black patent leather thong sandals, 1 pair white sneakers (will wear on the plane). No heels for me lol.
Others: Underwear, 2 regular nude bras, one nude strapless bra, 1 black/white polka dot one piece bathing suit, 1 black bikini, 1 small quick-dry towel, 1 packable floppy beach hat, 1 canvas tote, 1 small black bum bag/fanny pack
Writing it out it seems like a lot lol!

I’m wearing my boy clothes and everything looks normal from the outside. But if you lifted my shirt you would see I have a thong pulled up to my ribs. My bare ass feels so nice against the fabric of my pants. The wedgie is a constant naughty reminder making me leak all day <3

Have a mate who wears his thongs everywhere even in the middle of winter. If we go to a pub or a bar during the day there's never even a second look from the bouncer but as soon as the sun goes down suddenly it's a big issue and 9/10 places won't let him in and start quoting OHAS rules and this and that yet most of the women insides are wearing open toe heels or sandals which I don't see as any different from a safety standpoint. We're not going to upmarket fancy clubs or anything, just your usual pubs around Newtown and the inner west.
I feel like it's like that scene with Bart Simpson flying the kite at night and Marge saying that there's something about it that's just so unwholesome.

Recently my friend group which consist of nine girls and I have been having issues with this one girl who I will call Claire. Claire act's like a pick me non stop and then she gets surprised when people get annoyed with her. Not only that but every day in school during lunch time she's always asking me and my friends for food because she's "too lazy" to pack her own food or get the school lunch. Not only that but shes been hogging one of my best friends who we will call Diana. Ever since 4 months ago its like I can never talk to Diana alone, Claires ALWAYS with her. Sometimes I'll try talk to both of them so that we can have peace but it never works out because Claire is like, "This is a private conversation go away." and then whenever I'm with Diana and I say the same exact thing to her she gets pissy.
So then on Friday me and 2 other girls in my friend group got really fed up with the way Claires been acting so we confronted her and we tried our best to do it in a nice way, however she rubbed it the wrong way and thought we were straight up calling her annoying even though we didn't. Claire got really defensive the whole time. We started by talking about how we just wanted to talk to Diana alone for 5 minutes without Claire getting mad at us but then she pulled "Diana has the right to hangout with whoever she wants" in a really sassy tone. Then after that we proceeded to talk about how sometimes Claire gets sexualized in our class because she wears literal thong like shorts to class and her tank tops don't even cover her boobs. She said it wasn't her fault that her style was like that and she kept rolling her eyes at us and then we completely gave up on even trying. Things got really chaotic after that but I wont go into detail.
Then on Monday (5-13-24), Claire and Diana ignored the WHOLE friend group as if we were their extra side pieces. It hurt really bad to see our friend group fall apart like this but I knew it was bound to happen eventually. So out of my friend group of 10 people, three left. (Diana, Claire, and a girl who sided with them.) That only left 7 of us but then everyone started to feel uncomfortable and didn't want to have to pick sides and now none of us are friends anymore.
Am I the asshole for this? I know I typed it confusingly but that's how it truly is without the specific details.

Hey y’all! Just got home from Welcome to Rockville 2024… what a crazy, wild, fun, and HOT weekend! I’m gonna just list out some tips for the festival for anyone that plans on going in the future and some tips for concerts/festivals in general!
everyone is different and this is based on my personal experiences at concerts and festivals. Some tips may be super obvious, but if you’re a first timer, it’s good to have a reminder! There is no guarantee all these tips will apply to you/be allowed at every/future festivals. Make sure to check festival/concert venue rules and regulations before you go

1. Keep an eye on the weather! The weather was hotter than I expected a couple days, and cooler other days. Make sure to pack some back up outfits and FL in May… expect anywhere from 70°-95°… with humidity the first day, it felt like over 100°. They also delayed doors one of the days because of possible thunderstorms. Download the WTR app to get alerts right away!
   
2. Lockers are lifesavers! Who wants to carry extra weight all day?! I splurged on a 4 day locker and am so happy I did. Great meet up spot when you’re with friends and get separated, can throw a towel and extra clothes and sunscreen in it and grab what you need when you need it. Wanna go in a pit or crowd surf? Toss everything in your locker. Don’t want to be bringing things in and out of the festival? Leave it in the locker overnight!
   
3. To avoid heat exhaustion and passing out, stay hydrated!! I did not drink any alcohol until sunset each day and drank lots of water during peak heat of the day. They ended up allowing hydro packs because it was so hot. I would bring one along just in case they say you can bring them in. I do not condone drugs but if you insist on taking them, be aware that Rockville had a police dog at gates and please be safe and don’t test your limits at a festival
   
4. More on bags and hydro packs… www.lunchboxpacks.com has clear bags with hydro packs. If they don’t allow the hydro pack, you can remove it. These bags have anti-theft zippers and pockets, and with all the reports of lost phones and other items being literally stolen out of pockets and bags, this bag really helped keep everything secure. For me, this bag passed through security with no issue. Side note, DO THIS AT YOUR OWN RISK if they haven’t announced letting hydro packs in, you can hide the bag and tube in your clothes, it’s all plastic and won’t set off an alarm.
   
5. List of helpful items to bring:
   

• Sunscreen (for my makeup lovers, I used a 50 SPF CC cream on my face so I could have some coverage and not get burnt or have a greasy face)
• Sanitizer
• Lip balm with SPF
• Wet wipes
• Tissues (literally will be breathing in dirt/sand and will get congested… blow occasionally)
• Sunglasses
• Bandaids (I had so many blisters from wearing Docs lol)
• Ear plugs
• Power bank/charging cables (lunchbox packs has a great power bank)
• Towel/light blanket (use to sit on the ground if you don’t wanna stand in the crowd or seating in tents is full)
• Extra shirt/bottoms (best to keep in locker. Some stages had a dude with a firehose spraying the crowd and I got drenched. Also one night it got cold and I was able to put a tee on over my bikini and I almost had a bodysuit malfunction another day so having shorts to put on helped)

1. Dress “code”: wear whatever you want (ladies, nips have to be covered!). I saw people covered head to toe, in comfy clothes, costumes, and people wearing pasties and thongs. Anything goes! They are strict on spikes… do NOT wear anything with spikes. They allowed small chain necklaces, but no thick chains… however, day 1, walking to the entrance of the security line I had thick chain necklaces on and the security guard at the entrance told me to hide them in my bag… I got them through that way and then put them on. It seems like once you get through security, they don’t care unless some issue arises from something you’re wearing/brought in.
   
2. Crowd safety! Careful in the pits! Remember the number one rule… if someone falls… PICK THEM UP. We are a family so let’s help each other stay safe. If you see someone acting up, tell security. If someone is stealing, tell security. If someone is about to/is passing out, get a medic. If you are near a pit and not in it, keep an eye on it so you don’t get knocked over. If someone comes at you, don’t freak out and shy away, just push them back in. If the pit is behind you, my best defense (I am a pretty small female so be careful with this one if you’re bigger) has been shoving my elbows back behind me to keep people from knocking me forward. Make sure you look back occasionally/pay attention to people around you because there will be an insane amount of crowd surfing… someone even went up in a wheelchair during Slipknot and ADTR told people to crowd surf on top of a crowd surfer… it got crazy and dangerous so STAY ALERT
   
3. Finding your way around… you will have slim to no reception. Keep an eye on landmarks… stages, sound booths, entrances, rides, lights, tents, food trucks, etc. this will help you navigate and set up meeting spots for when you’re with friends. Keep screenshots of the set times and circle what bands you are going to. Set your lock screen to a screenshot of a note with info if your phone is lost or stolen (number of friend/family to call if someone picks up your phone or police catch a thief, your name, etc.) and change home screen to a map of festival.
   
4. Food and drinks: look at all the food options before you pay… some booths give you a kiddie portion for $20+ and some give you more than a full size meal for $15. Try to eat proteins AND carbs since you will be walking a LOT. Protein is going to help with your muscles, while something with carbs will fill you up more so you don’t have to eat as much/often! The drinks are also pricey. The Heavy Tiki booth was definitely the best deal, frozen cocktails in a huge cup with a shot of dark rum on top… $22! Small mixed drinks were about $18.
   

Well if I think of anything else, I’ll add it to the comments or edit post! Rock on y’all!

I had a total hysterectomy the end of January and it's like every single month since then I've had a UTI.
The third time I went to urgent care about it, they gave me the same antibiotic even though I told them it hadn't worked for me before, and the antibiotics didn't feel like they helped at all this last time. They supposedly tested it for cultures yet they never gave me the results. (The first two times I did a virtual appointment for antibiotics because I didn't think anything of it and I know that was a dumb move. But at least those times it seemed to help).
Now I'm getting concerned by how I'm getting more noticable symptoms yet again just two weeks after finishing the antibiotics.
I even said this is the third UTI I had and they didn't care and just asked me "do you know how to wipe right"? It felt so insulting.
I tried to chug a lot of water this weekend and that seemed to help but of course that's not doable to just be going to the bathroom all the time. I tried my best though to drink as much as I could to follow the 8 cups a day, yet I STILL feel pain when peeing. Sometimes it still smells weird too (like bleach or sweet). I know drinking a lot of water helps and I really try to but sometimes it's just not doable. I feel like I get UTIs or worse symptoms the second I don't drink 8+ glasses a day.
And today I've been noticing some lower abdominal pain on the right side of my stomach (not pelvic pain). I'm just starting to get so irritated and concerned because I'm told "you need to treat your UTI" yet nobody seems to care that I've BEEN HAVING UTIS FOR 4 FUCKING MONTHS.
I can't be in the bathroom every hour for the rest of my life and I'd like to have sex again eventually (I'm cleared for it). This doesn't make me feel like I can even wear thongs again either because I know it can increase the risk of UTIs (from what I've heard).

Hi! I’m a student in languages, I had a writing exam on a variety of English and I chose Australian English. I did some research on the history and linguistic from Australia. I really love the culture and would like some feedback on my research!
For example: - Is Australia Day a huge celebration? Or is it more popular in some area and not in others? - Do people use the words: Beauty! (Great!), bathers (swimsuit), bloody (very or curse word?), blue (fight), bludger (someone lazy), dag (nerd/geek), piss off (get lost), Straya (Australia), strewth (exclamation of surprise), tea (dinner), tinny (small boat), thongs (flip flops), walkabout (travelling) and ya/yous (you/you plurial)? - I heard and read that the pronunciation for the word ‘no’ is pronunciation ’naur’? (So technically the ‘o’ sound is more like ‘aur’) - Did anyone ever watch H2O? I live in Canada and I watched it when I was younger. If yes, did the pronunciation is right, or the “slang” used?
Thank you!

Flying Wonder
A certain man and his wife had a beautiful daughter and three sons who were excellent hunters.
The girl was so beautiful that she attracted many suitors all of whom, however, her father dismissed because they could not surpass his sons in hunting.
One day while his sons were out hunting a stranger entered the camp and said to the father, “I should like to remain with you and work for your daughter’s hand.”
“What is your name?”
“Flying Wonder”.
“Well, you may stay,” said the father; “but you cannot marry her unless you excel my sons in the chase”.
Flying Wonder lived with them for several months; hunting with the three youths and killing even more game than they did.
Having proved his skill, he asked the eldest son for permission to marry his sister.
The youth consulted his parents, and the entire family sat in council over the matter.
“He calls himself Flying Wonder,” said one, “but we neither know who he really is nor where he comes from”.
“That does not matter,” replied another.
“He has shown himself an excellent hunter.”
They decided to let him marry their sister.
Without delay he set up a tent under a large pine tree close by and the girl moved into it.
They were no sooner married, however, than Flying Wonder seemed to change.
He treated his wife so cruelly that at last her brothers became indignant and said to their father, “We shall have to get rid of him.
The next time he abuses her let us kill him.”
The very next evening they heard their sister sobbing and the voice of her husband mocking her.
Inflamed with anger, they rushed over and hewed him to pieces.
Then they scattered his body in every direction, abandoned the camp, and erected a new one several miles away.
Being now short of food, the three brothers went hunting again and sighted a large herd of caribou.
They approached them cautiously and were almost within bow shot when suddenly a raven flew over their heads and croaked.
The caribou then looked up in alarm and fled.
The same thing happened the next day and the day following.
At last they understood its meaning.
The spirit of their dead brother-in-law had become a raven and was avenging itself on them. They tried several times to shoot the bird, but it always flew beyond the range of their arrows.
Soon the family was starving.
The youngest son proposed a device, saying, “Lay out my body as if I were dead, and abandon the camp.
The raven will think one of us has already died of starvation, and it will fly down to devour me.”
The others agreed.
They covered the youth with brushwood that concealed all but his face, abandoned the camp, and set up a new one some distance away.
The raven appeared again, flew over their heads, crying ‘kak kak’ and sighted the pile of brush.
It circled above it, swooped down, settled on the ground a few yards away, and inspected the supposed corpse.
The youth made no movement.
Still suspicious, the raven hopped around him just beyond his reach.
When even then the youth did not move, it drew closer and tried to peck out his eyes.
He caught it in his hands, hacked it to pieces, and, kindling a large fire, carefully burned every fragment.
He even collected the bones after the fire died down and pounded them into dust.
Then, satisfied that he could do no more, he followed his kinsmen’s tracks to their new camp and told them what had happened.
As they sat round their fire that evening, a man entered the camp — Flying Wonder himself. He said to them, “You cannot kill me, for you do not know where I conceal my heart.
But I repent now of my misdeeds and promise that I will conduct myself better hereafter.
So let me remarry your sister.
If I ill-treat her again, I will tell you where my heart lies and you can kill me.”
The family had no choice, for they were starving and could kill no game as long as he was hostile.
Flying Wonder kept his word and treated his wife kindly.
He joined his brothers-in-law again in their hunting and filled their camp with meat.
One day they sighted a large herd of caribou, and twisting some roots the three brothers constructed a long fence from which they suspended snares of rawhide thongs at regular intervals.
Flying Wonder then suggested that they fasten an extra snare to his body and hide him in the bush.
They agreed, fixed his snare, and left him in concealment near the fence while they rounded up the herd.
Every snare caught a caribou, but the snare fastened to Flying Wonder caught the biggest animal in the herd. Unable to hold it, he shouted to his companions as it dragged him away, “Have I no relatives to come to my rescue?”
But the three brothers were so busy slaughtering the other trapped caribou that they did not hear him; and when they looked for him afterwards, the thong had already cut him in two.
“Fit me together, and I shall be whole again,” cried his head.
But the eldest youth said to his brothers, “No, let him remain as he is.
He brought this fate on himself.”
They left him there and skinned their caribou, still pondering what they should do.
Finally the eldest youth suggested that they should dig a deep pit and bury the head, leaving the rest of the body where it lay.
So they buried the head and returned with their hides and part of the meat to their camp.
The next day, with fear in their hearts, they carried all the meat to their camp and hung it up to dry.
Flying Wonder did not come near them.
Only after all their meat was dry and stored away in a cache did they hear the raven call again, and this time his call came from high up in the sky.
The brothers gazed up at the bird contentedly and said to one another, “Let us not trouble ourselves about him anymore.
He can no longer harm us.”
And they added, “It is never wise for a man to allow his daughter to marry a stranger.”

I have no idea where else to write this but I really want advice from someone that has no idea who I’m talking about. So my Dad (mtf trans but I still call dad (WILL be relevant)) has always been a little creepy or just inappropriate around children including her own but especially around me. I always kinda chalked it up by her probably being on the autism spectrum or when I was a kid I just thought that I was so mature that she’d forget that that I was literally a child. I’m 22 now and haven’t really thought about the depth of her creepiness in years but recently she told about how she found her old computer and she’s downloaded all her old pre-transition photos from my childhood and when I asked to see them it was like she suddenly realized that she shouldn’t have said anything to me and made up a bunch of excuses on why I couldn’t see the pictures and how she had to sort out though them first. That was a few days ago and only now after thinking about it constantly did I remember that she at some point in my childhood had really weird pictures of me. I’ve never actually seen what’s on her computer but she did post compromising pictures of me to face book in the early 2000’s, like me on the toilet or taking a bath or beach/swimsuit pics. Most importantly when I was like 9-10 I got my first iPad and for some reason I took nude selfies on it not realizing that the iPad was synced to her phone. I have no idea if actually deleted these photos or not but the thought of it being on her phone at some point still makes me sick.
There was a specific time when I was maybe like ten where she bought me a tank top and short shorts set which I thought was just innocent pajamas but later on i found it in the back of Spencer’s but anyway, she asked me to put it on and show her and when I did like little spin around in it I saw look me up and down and just saw “wow…. You’re really becoming a woman” or something like that. I knew she was Ig at what little boobs I had and that’s when I decided I should probably start wearing bras. For awhile after that she would try to guess the color of what bra I was wearing.
Not much else happened when I was a little kid that I can actually remember other than her forcing me to be close to her when I was uncomfortable or yelling at me whenever I wiped a kiss away but most of this stuff was blocked out until very recently so I won’t be surprised if more memories pop up soon.
When I was a teenager though, she was still incredibly creepy. She came out as trans while I was in high school (like 15-17, I don’t really remember when exactly) and for the first few years she was really open about sexuality and kink stuff. When it came to her talking about her dating life I tried to ignore it mostly because she was hooking up with people barely older than me. But when it got her asking questions about womanhood at first I was okay with it but she got way too personal way too fast. I can’t really remember what exactly she would say that made me super uncomfortable but just trust me it was weird.
When it was time for me to go to college and move to a dorm she was the only person that helped me. It was across state lines so we took a road trip and arrived the day before and stayed at a hotel together for the night before I moved into the dorm. She got a room with only one bed. I’m so lucky that i searched and found an air mattress in the closet but even after I made it clear I was going to sleep on the air mattress she was telling me that now that she a girl too (her words not mine) that it’s okay if we sleep in the same bed and if I didn’t want to sleep on the air mattress I could join her in the bed. While she was wearing just a t shirt and super thin thong like underwear. Later on I tried telling my aunt about that night and how uncomfortable I felt and she told me that my Dad spent 50 years as a man and just needs time to socialize as a woman. So for the past few years I’ve convinced myself that I had some unconscious transphobic bias and just tried not to think about that night.
There was one time within the past year or so that my dad attended this weird convention thing with her two partners (both significantly younger than her but still older than me if that matters). She asked me to house sit for the weekend which I did no questions asked. When she got back she kept making it clear that what ever she was doing that weekend was probably something she shouldn’t talk to me about but still really wanted to talk about it cause she had such a great time. I really didn’t care to know but she told me anyway. It was a kink con. Not just any kink but an age play kink. More specifically I think called it adult baby dipper wearing something. She kept going on about within the kink there bigs and littles and whatever so now I know way more about it that I ever needed to. I knew about the kink already I just didn’t need to know that my own parent was into it and that her weirdly younger partner wears dippers.
I might also be thinking too much into all the weird things she’s done because when I introduced her to my boyfriend he told me got weird vibes from her. Mostly about how vulgar she talks and how she currently in an open relationship with someone half her age. Later on in passing I mentioned how my dad has like 10 active emails and she always installed duck duck go on every computer in the house and I didn’t even really know what exactly that was other than a search engine but that’s when my boyfriend told me that it’s just google with out restrictions and people use it to find cp. idk how true that is but it sounded right enough that I actually believed him immediately.
I don’t really know why this is bothering me so much right now I don’t live with her anymore and only see her if it’s in a bigger family setting. I guess the only thing that would change if I knew for sure I she as a pedo would just be me looking back dark memories through an even darker lense. Or maybe if not then just a bad child for think she’d be so perverted towards me. Either way she does actually just make me feel uncomfortable a lot. Maybe I just need to vent and don’t want anyone that actually knows her to view her differently. Anyway I just really need advice on what to think and what to do from here.
ALSO I’m the oldest of three siblings and she’s never acted this way towards anyone other than me. And for some reason I was also the only one of her kids that would ever hit.
TLDR:: my dad used to have nudes of my prepubescent body and had made weird comments about my body all through out my life. But also she might be autistic and I’m ready too much into it.

There it was, on the table in Nicola Coughlan’s apartment — a microscopic undergarment that loomed large in the actor’s mind.
The “Bridgerton” costume department had sent Coughlan home with a piece of intimacy wear that was essentially a strapless thong that would cover the bare essentials of her body during an upcoming love scene.
It would be her first time ever acting in such a scene, in a series known globally for its sexy yet empowering bedroom romps, and it would require her to be almost totally naked in front of people she’d worked with for years. Coughlan was understandably terrified. One night, she poured herself a margarita and summoned the liquid courage to try on the tiny sliver of fabric.
“I went to the bathroom and looked in the full-length mirror. I was like, ‘Absolutely not.’ I hid it down the bottom of the laundry basket,” Coughlan recalled on a cold morning in January at Netflix’s offices in Manhattan. “I was like, ‘How am I going to do this?’”
Coughlan eventually got over her nerves. Much to her surprise, she found the process of filming the scenes with her co-star Luke Newton creatively satisfying — liberating, even. “By the end of the day, we were both lying under a blanket, not clothed, just chillin’. We were like, ‘This is why nudists do it,’” said Coughlan, who speaks in a rapid, melodious accent that only adds to her natural exuberance.
While discussing the arc of her career, she goes on joyful digressions, praising everything from Mrs. Renfro’s salsa to Ryan Gosling’s performance in the forgotten teen series “Breaker High” to “Saturday Night Live,” which she’s just attended for the third time and hopes to host one day (are you listening, Lorne Michaels?).
She is nothing if not enthusiastic, and she brings this level of passion to Season 3 of “Bridgerton,” the first half of which will return to Netflix on Thursday. Until now, her character, Penelope Featherington, has been content to be a wallflower in the ballrooms of Regency London, allowing her to observe and secretly write a society scandal sheet under the pseudonym Lady Whistledown.
But this season will focus on Penelope as she — spoiler alert — consummates her long-simmering crush on Colin Bridgerton (Newton) in a friends-to-lovers storyline with distinct rom-com overtones. Penelope’s move into the center of the narrative also meant that Coughlan faced new pressures as the lead in one of the most watched and dissected shows on Netflix.
“With Penelope this season, it felt like there were so many things that were reflected in real life. The whole theme of her stepping out of the shadows and into the light, and not feeling quite ready — I felt like I had to do that,” said Coughlan.
“It was really challenging. It was terrifying. It was cathartic. It was a million and one things,” she added. “I loved it.”
She juggled “Bridgerton” with an edgy turn in “Big Mood,” a “Fleabag”-esque dark comedy released last month on Tubi. On top of that, she also had a small role in the biggest box office hit of 2023, “Barbie” — she wanted to do more but, alas, her schedule was too packed — and filmed a guest appearance in the “Doctor Who” Christmas special to be released later this year.
It amounts to a long-simmering breakout moment for Coughlan, who is 37 but thanks to a preternaturally dewy complexion often plays characters who are much younger than she is, like a Catholic high school student in the Troubles-themed sitcom “Derry Girls.”
“It was very exciting to play grown women. But I was like, ‘Can I do that?’ Even in drama school, they would always cast me as the random kid, like, there was an Ibsen play called ‘Little Eyolf,’ and I had to play Eyolf. I was like, ‘This is gonna be me forever.’”
Raised in County Galway on the western coast of Ireland, she grew up liking whatever her older siblings were into — whether it was Nirvana or “Wayne’s World.” When her sister starred in the school play, Coughlan showed up in a sequined vest, looking like a little Liza Minnelli — as if she knew she also wanted to be onstage. (She still has a taste for eccentric glamour: Despite the wintry gloom, she’s decked out in a gold spangled dress and a cloud-like ruffled bolero.)
At age 9, she scored her first professional gig, a movie called “My Brother’s War” starring James Brolin. She got the day off from school, but she wanted more. “I used to look at the Olsen twins. I was like, ‘God, look, look at where they are,’” she joked. As a teenager, she did regular voice work in cartoons. Her father, who was in the Irish army (as a teenage cadet, he took part in U.S. President Kennedy’s funeral in 1963), and mother, a stay-at-home parent, were supportive but also baffled by their youngest child’s dramatic streak. “It’s really not in my family at all,” Coughlan said.
After graduating from the National University of Ireland Galway, Coughlan enrolled in a foundational course at the Oxford School of Drama in England, where she quickly bonded with fellow student Camilla Whitehill.
“We were the only people there that really cared about things being funny,” said Whitehill, a playwright who would go on to create “Big Mood” as a vehicle for her old drama school friend. “Everyone else just wanted to do plays where their family had died, or whatever.”
There it was, on the table in Nicola Coughlan’s apartment — a microscopic undergarment that loomed large in the actor’s mind.
The “Bridgerton” costume department had sent Coughlan home with a piece of intimacy wear that was essentially a strapless thong that would cover the bare essentials of her body during an upcoming love scene.
It would be her first time ever acting in such a scene, in a series known globally for its sexy yet empowering bedroom romps, and it would require her to be almost totally naked in front of people she’d worked with for years. Coughlan was understandably terrified. One night, she poured herself a margarita and summoned the liquid courage to try on the tiny sliver of fabric.
“I went to the bathroom and looked in the full-length mirror. I was like, ‘Absolutely not.’ I hid it down the bottom of the laundry basket,” Coughlan recalled on a cold morning in January at Netflix’s offices in Manhattan. “I was like, ‘How am I going to do this?’”
Coughlan eventually got over her nerves. Much to her surprise, she found the process of filming the scenes with her co-star Luke Newton creatively satisfying — liberating, even. “By the end of the day, we were both lying under a blanket, not clothed, just chillin’. We were like, ‘This is why nudists do it,’” said Coughlan, who speaks in a rapid, melodious accent that only adds to her natural exuberance.
While discussing the arc of her career, she goes on joyful digressions, praising everything from Mrs. Renfro’s salsa to Ryan Gosling’s performance in the forgotten teen series “Breaker High” to “Saturday Night Live,” which she’s just attended for the third time and hopes to host one day (are you listening, Lorne Michaels?).
Luke Newton and Nicola Coughlan hold champagne glasses on "Bridgerton."
Colin Bridgerton (Luke Newton) and Penelope Featherington (Nicola Coughlan) go from friends to lovers in Season 3 of “Bridgerton.” (Liam Daniel / Netflix)
She is nothing if not enthusiastic, and she brings this level of passion to Season 3 of “Bridgerton,” the first half of which will return to Netflix on Thursday. Until now, her character, Penelope Featherington, has been content to be a wallflower in the ballrooms of Regency London, allowing her to observe and secretly write a society scandal sheet under the pseudonym Lady Whistledown.
But this season will focus on Penelope as she — spoiler alert — consummates her long-simmering crush on Colin Bridgerton (Newton) in a friends-to-lovers storyline with distinct rom-com overtones. Penelope’s move into the center of the narrative also meant that Coughlan faced new pressures as the lead in one of the most watched and dissected shows on Netflix.
“With Penelope this season, it felt like there were so many things that were reflected in real life. The whole theme of her stepping out of the shadows and into the light, and not feeling quite ready — I felt like I had to do that,” said Coughlan.
“It was really challenging. It was terrifying. It was cathartic. It was a million and one things,” she added. “I loved it.”
She juggled “Bridgerton” with an edgy turn in “Big Mood,” a “Fleabag”-esque dark comedy released last month on Tubi. On top of that, she also had a small role in the biggest box office hit of 2023, “Barbie” — she wanted to do more but, alas, her schedule was too packed — and filmed a guest appearance in the “Doctor Who” Christmas special to be released later this year.
It amounts to a long-simmering breakout moment for Coughlan, who is 37 but thanks to a preternaturally dewy complexion often plays characters who are much younger than she is, like a Catholic high school student in the Troubles-themed sitcom “Derry Girls.”
“It was very exciting to play grown women. But I was like, ‘Can I do that?’ Even in drama school, they would always cast me as the random kid, like, there was an Ibsen play called ‘Little Eyolf,’ and I had to play Eyolf. I was like, ‘This is gonna be me forever.’”
Raised in County Galway on the western coast of Ireland, she grew up liking whatever her older siblings were into — whether it was Nirvana or “Wayne’s World.” When her sister starred in the school play, Coughlan showed up in a sequined vest, looking like a little Liza Minnelli — as if she knew she also wanted to be onstage. (She still has a taste for eccentric glamour: Despite the wintry gloom, she’s decked out in a gold spangled dress and a cloud-like ruffled bolero.)
At age 9, she scored her first professional gig, a movie called “My Brother’s War” starring James Brolin. She got the day off from school, but she wanted more. “I used to look at the Olsen twins. I was like, ‘God, look, look at where they are,’” she joked. As a teenager, she did regular voice work in cartoons. Her father, who was in the Irish army (as a teenage cadet, he took part in U.S. President Kennedy’s funeral in 1963), and mother, a stay-at-home parent, were supportive but also baffled by their youngest child’s dramatic streak. “It’s really not in my family at all,” Coughlan said.
After graduating from the National University of Ireland Galway, Coughlan enrolled in a foundational course at the Oxford School of Drama in England, where she quickly bonded with fellow student Camilla Whitehill.
“We were the only people there that really cared about things being funny,” said Whitehill, a playwright who would go on to create “Big Mood” as a vehicle for her old drama school friend. “Everyone else just wanted to do plays where their family had died, or whatever.”
Nicola Coughlan holds her fingers against her cheek. Yellow orbs float behind her.
Nicola Coughlan on playing Penelope this season: “The whole theme of her stepping out of the shadows and into the light, and not feeling quite ready — I felt like I had to do that.” (Evelyn Freja / For The Times)
Coughlan, ever the pop culture connoisseur, introduced Whitehill to the sitcom “Arrested Development.”
“She’s one of those people who, if she thinks you will like something, she will make you watch it. And she is — annoyingly — usually right,” added Whitehill. (More recently, Coughlan urged her friend to catch up on “The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City.” “It’s such an easy one to sell to people. I’m like, ‘One of them is a cult leader who’s married to her granddad; are you in or are you out?’” Coughlan said.)
They both eventually landed in London, where “neither of us was successful at all for our whole 20s,” said Whitehill, who would often cast Coughlan in “my bad unpaid short plays at pubs,” including one where Coughlan played a cat.
“You leave drama school, which is a lovely, cozy bosom where you get to do the thing you love every day. Then you go, ‘Hang on. Thousands of people leave drama school every year, and they want to do the exact job I do.’ It seems so improbable that you’ll make a living doing it,” said Coughlan. “I felt like a loser at so many points.”
One such nadir came when she was working at a frozen yogurt shop at a mall in West London and the cheap jeans she wore as part of her uniform tore “right up the butt crack.” It was sobering, she said. “I was like, ‘This is not the life I wanted.’”
By the time she was in her late 20s, she’d moved back home and was working for an optician in Galway. Then she saw a listing for an open casting call for a festival of plays being put on by the Old Vic Theatre. Even though she was broke, she flew back to London for the audition and landed a part in a play called “Jess and Joe Forever.”
It marked a turning point for Coughlan, who was soon cast as studious teen Clare Devlin in Channel 4’s “Derry Girls,” a project she was drawn to because of its vividly drawn female characters.
“They were all really distinct — young women who were ballsy and foul-mouthed,” she said. She convinced herself that the show would flop because “people hate women trying to be funny.” Instead, the show was a massive hit in the U.K. and earned a devoted following in the U.S. when it was picked up by Netflix.
Then, Shonda Rhimes came calling about “Bridgerton.” After a single audition, Coughlan was cast as Penelope, a thoughtful, sharp-witted young woman with an overbearing mother and tacky, dim-witted sisters. Season 1 was released in late 2020, when much of the world was staying home because of the COVID-19 pandemic-related closures, and it became a sensation.
Whitehill recalls going out with her friend once restrictions had lifted in the U.K. and sensing how much had shifted. “It’s such a weird, un-put-into-words-able experience to watch someone you know for such a long time become globally famous,” she said. The fact that Coughlan didn’t find success straight out of school “has grounded her significantly, which means that she doesn’t let it go to her head.”
Success has not come without complications, however, like the relentless media scrutiny around Coughlan’s physical appearance. “It’s really hard and feels [like] s—,” she said.
In 2018, she wrote an essay for the Guardian responding to a theater critic who described her character in a London production of “The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie” as “an overweight little girl.” Coughlan is determined to push back against this kind of casual body-shaming because, she said, “I grew up at a time where it was so overt. There was the circle of shame for cellulite [in magazines] — just horrific, horrific messaging.”
It’s also why this season of “Bridgerton,” which celebrates the allure of a character often overlooked as a wallflower, is so meaningful to Coughlan — and why she suspects it will resonate with so many viewers. Rhimes and showrunner Jess Brownell decided Season 3 should deviate from the timeline in Julia Quinn’s novels and focus on Penelope and Colin — a couple known to fans as “Polin.”
“We’ve watched Colin not quite understand that Penelope has a crush on him for two seasons. You can only play that dynamic out for so long before it gets frustrating,” said Brownell.
Stepping into the lead meant Coughlan would need to be on set nearly every day for eight months straight. But if she was overwhelmed at first, she didn’t let on. “She just seemed so game and ready for anything on set,” said Brownell. “If anything, I just noticed how seriously she was taking her preparation.”
Coughlan was insightful and collaborative, said Brownell, sharing an endless stream of ideas about her character in a WhatsApp group chat with Newton and Brownell. She had suggestions for specific music cues and for Penelope’s makeover, which sees her ditching her tight red poodle curls and garish citrus-hued gowns for loose waves and cool blues and greens. Coughlan is also very plugged into the fandom, and she advocated for including a scene, important to novel readers, in which Penelope calls Colin “Mr. Bridgerton.”
As if that weren’t enough, she even found time to bake fresh Irish soda bread and bring it to set.
This season is “a lot lighter and more playful than we’ve been able to be in the past,” Brownell added. The writing leans into Coughlan’s strengths as a comedic performer, particularly her knack for awkward banter, a skill she deploys as Penelope throws herself into the London social season in a bid to find a husband.
Coughlan, who enjoyed being, as she put it, “the weirdo in the background” for the first two seasons of “Bridgerton” and who idolizes women like Tina Fey, Amy Poehler and Kristen Wiig, said it was a thrill “to play Penelope as goofy and terrible with men.”
Like Coughlan, Newton was nervous about filming the love scenes but found the anxiety quickly dissipated after the first take. “We both had a similar outlook — it’s like doing comedy because you’re having to put yourself out there and feel exposed and risk something,” said Newton (who watched “Hamilton” at Coughlan’s recommendation and loved it, just as she predicted.) Because of how these moments focus on consent and emotional intimacy, “It was essential that we were friends,” he said.
The co-stars were especially heartened to hear from a burly security guard named Dave who has worked on “Bridgerton” since Season 1 and was moved by the romance he watched them act out on set.
“He came to Luke and I and said, ‘I don’t normally watch shows like this. Something about this season is very special, and I’m very proud of you,’” Coughlan recalled.
For several weeks, Coughlan was filming “Bridgerton” and “Big Mood” at the same time. She coped with the stress by watching “Vanderpump Rules” from the beginning.
“It’s a testament to how nosy I am that I heard people talking about Scandoval, had no frame of reference and was like, ‘Well, I need to know,’” said Coughlan, now a superfan who recently threw a “Vanderpump”-themed housewarming party and made a beeline to take a selfie with Ariana Madix when she was at “SNL.” It’s not just escapism: She also finds creative inspiration in reality TV personalities, channeling some of Lala Kent’s mannerisms into her character in “Big Mood.” “You forget how f— weird people are, how bizarre they can be,” she said.
In January, Coughlan had not yet seen the new season of “Bridgerton.” But by phone in early May, she said she’d finally watched the episode in which Colin and Penelope sleep together, nervously, by herself in a hotel room. Once again, the anticipation was worse than the thing itself.
“I laughed and cried and I was like, ‘Oh, my God, it’s amazing,’” she said. “They’re not titillating just to be titillating, even though we hope they are sexy. There’s so much about female pleasure and positive sexual experiences, and we don’t get enough of that onscreen.”
Coughlan has reached a bittersweet crossroads on “Bridgerton,” now that her character’s big season has wrapped and she will soon return to being “the weirdo in the background.” But she has no regrets.
“We left it all on the pitch. There’s nothing I wanted to do this season that I didn’t get to do,” she said. “And that’s a rare thing.”
Source: https://www.latimes.com/entertainment-arts/tv/story/2024-05-12/nicola-coughlan-bridgerton-season-3
It seems some people are having trouble accessing it. There's no paywall for me, and I'm in the USA.

I've considered this more than a crush and in the limerence category because I obsess about him as a person besides just his beauty, painting a fake fantasy life and nonstop intrusive thoughts. Like many here I've read, I'm prone to intrusive thoughts and maladaptive daydreaming my whole life.
My feelings are extra horrible because I'm married, but I can't help it, I can't help it I fell for him and that my brain pathology is prone to limerence.
This is probably going to be the most ridiculous scenario. My LO is an assistant at a medical practice. I am a married woman in my early 30s, he is quite a bit younger (mid 20s maybe)
He's the most beautiful, pretty man (yet masculine) I've ever laid eyes on irl. It's horrid but I didn't even know I was capable of this level of yearning/lust. Imagine Robert Pattinson but somehow more perfect. I should've never went back after the first visit. But I don't fall into limerence just out of lust. The worst part is, he seems like an amazing person and so humble. Our conversations were always the highlight of my week. He would sit next to me close and smile, my lord his smile is the most radiant and stunning thing I've ever seen. Like observing a million dollar painting
From day 1, it started with intensity I noticed he kept staring at me and always trying to talk to me for extended periods, sometimes till someone dragged him away. Now that I think about it, someone who is in the top 5% in attractiveness of all humans probably is aware of it and likely is used to being treated more favorably than most of us. In short.... he was probably playing around with me and found it thrilling/funny how easily and quickly he made an older woman visibly tingle. Probably just bored with his day.
I feel extra bad since I'm married. It developed into some flirting and innuendo, we gave each other compliments and such. I started dressing sexy and wearing thongs since he had to mess with my clothes for treatments. He also liked to talk about money, him not being able to afford things, and him going back to school, and what I do for a living. Seeking sugar mama vibes? He knew I'm married but NEVER asked or mentioned a single iota about my husband.
So the ending is... I wrote him a note last week.
I know I crossed a boundary and feel like shit. I shouldn't have wrote a note at all but since I did I should've just simply said "I like talking to you and I like making new friends so if you want to hang out, text me here's my number." But even if I hung out with him as a friend it would of course fuel the limerence and absolute obsession.
But I confessed and went overboard, I also told him he is stunningly beautiful amongst other cringe things. Also still gave my number. I feel like I violated him as he probably gets women all day thirsting for him and I made myself just like all the others, reduced him to a piece of meat. I should've been "not like the other girls" and only went on about how cool his personality is, if anything.
So that's it. My limerence pretty much turned into an invite to have an affair with me and I'm the shittiest person ever. BUT.. of course he never contacted, and nothing actually happened, it's all in my maladaptive fantasy life brain. And I hate knowing that I revealed my cards, what he made me feel, even though it was written all over my face.
It's been a rough couple of days for me, not wanting to eat or do anything and suffering physical symptoms. I wish I never wrote the note and I am so sorry. I wish that I can even tell him I'm so sorry, but it's best I just never go to that medical office again.
I want to forget completely that I ever met him. I need to forget his smile and intoxicating laugh. I want to forget that I'm even capable of those incredible feelings.
Anyone have tips for getting back my normal life and forgetting him?

TW also for self harm and I guess existential thoughts, depression.
So this culminated to a point for me last year during my birthday in the fall(won't specify, not sure if she uses reddit). I'll give a simple current event summary and then relay past events leading up(me is me, CS(31f): crap sister, LS(26) little sister, ES(36): eldest sister(only here sometimes, as she moved out shortly after her 18th, and then back and forth after tha), Mom(58): mom. SO(same age): ex-partner from junior year HS till age 24. I am trans male, but due to happening after most of these events, that doesn't really have any merit to this story, other than small details, like clothing)
I(28m) decided after not hearing anything on my birthday, and nothing before that since helping her get money for moving state after a divorce(an investing app offered her 1000 if so many people used her link to invest a free 5 dollar gift), to stop all contact and remove my sister from my social media accounts.
When we were kids, CS was the worst. Ever since I could remember, she showed a huge dislike for me. I don't haveamy good memories of her, and the ones I do, are followed, or closely accompanied by a bad memory. I don't have a lot of examples, since the good wasn't really that significant anyway(think, gifting me a stuffed animal when I was in the he hospital for abdominal pains at 8 or 9 years of age, then, after finding that it was a relatively minor issue that happened to cause a huge discomfort. I was told to drink plenty of water, and for my mom to give me a kids Tylenol if needed. She then snatched it back the next day and while I don't remember the exact words, made it clear that I only deserved it if I was really injured, and had wasted time). This was kind of a small(but very impactful) issue that still sticks with me today. I have to convince myself to go to he doctor to have certain issues checked. I recently only went because the numbness in my hands was getting worse, and I was told I had clear symptoms of carpal tunnel(I work in a kitchen, heavy lifting and fine hand movements are often). I also have a ganglean cyst, that has spawned a secondary cyst, in my left wrist, but that's another story.
She always put me down any time I did anything. Even looking at her the wrong way was infuriating to her(I didn't know what she was talking about until just a few years back, but I am diagnosed ADHD and suspected on the autism spectrum. I live on my own and have had a relatively independent life since I could physically and legally do so, just small aspects need extra attention). I'd ask her what she meant, and she'd yell at me. I wasn't rude either. CS:stop looking like that! Me trying to make my face more..plain?: like what? I'm sorry CS: stop it!, you know what you're doing! And you're doing it on purpose. Me: I'm sorry! I really don't know how I'm looking at you, I don't know what you want(I'm crying at this point) CS, getting up to hit me, like always: you KNOW what You're doing, Now stop it!
At that point, my mom had come in and yelled at my sister to calm down(I don't remember what all was said, I was maybe 6 or 7 and don't have the best time remembering the days with her) and that if she didn't like that way I looked, she could go.
Note about my mom, she had left my abusive father and moved several states when I was less than 4, my baby sister not even a year. He tried getting the legal system to bring her back, as the state they had lived in had always done. They told him that it didn't work that way, and they were legally separated. He was told to pay child support(guess how that went) and go to monitored visitation with us. That only happened a few times, and I only remember 2 of them. One visit, there was a person, I don't even recall the face, across the table, coloring and just doing art stuff. The second memory I have is us(me, CS, and LS. ES had a different dad who was not in the picture, and did not want to be. She stayed home). We played with toys in the waiting room for what seemed like forever, the sky was dark when we left. We never went to those meetings again(my dad apparently had told the caseworkers that if my mom wasn't required to meet with him as well, he wasn't interested in the he meetings). Since then, she has been a single mother, working as much as she could while still trying to balance raising us. I don't blame her for not being there, but I am a little disappointed that she never really admonished them, but merely, to this day, says that they may have been horrible then in the circumstances, but they still loved me.
Cue to elementary school, CS used to terrorize me, steal things I owned, destroyed things of mine. She was pretty stuck up and snobby to all of us, but it seemed to be targeted at me(her and ES did fight, instigation from both sides, and eventually made up some years later, but ES could and did fight back. When she could and was home. She worked too, and had a life later in high school, so that was understandable on her part, kind of) I, being younger, and, I guess, a little blind to some social and reactive cues at the time(I discovered I stare blankly while I listen to people. Facial reactions were too hard to focus on without losing attention to what was being said, if that makes sense). Any friends I had soon heard about the way she treated me, and the things she would accuse me of(not bathing, stealing, or just over embellishing embarrassing things about me to make people dislike me. Calling me fat, stupid, weird, etc). One of the only friends I had was a homeschooled girl. But I only got to see her on the weekends. Because my mom worked and ES had extracurriculars and later work(she is about 7.5 years older than me) we were watched by CS, and she didn't want to do the slightest bit of work doing so, which, flipped if it worked in or out of my favor often. Sometimes she'd be non-caring, allowing us to go to a neighborhood friend, so she wouldn't have to watch us. After having to come get us a few times, that stopped. One of the more traumatic times was when she decided to rig our doorknob(so that instead of a lock you flipped, it was a push knob, you push the knob into the door, turn the knob, and release. It's a non key locking system. I'm not sure if they are normally sold that way or if something happened, but it was installed backwards, so that you could lock someone inside of the room. Can you guess what happened? I was locked inside of my own bedroom, no food, no water, not even a bathroom break, during almost the entire 9 hours(mom worked 8 and commute) on a Saturday. I can't remember if LS was in there with me, but it's possible she was young enough to not even know what was going on, if she was in there. She's about 2 years younger than me, and this was when I was around 6/7. I was absolutely terrified. I cried, I screamed, I banged on the door. I begged to be let out for at least the restroom, which she refused, likely because I'd try to run and hide(the smart thing, duh). So there I was, freaking out that I had been locked in a room and cut off from all necessities. I don't stop crying until my mom came home, who, upon hearing the screaming, tore into CS about how wrong it was and what if we needed the bathroom or water, or even food. I don't remember her response(I probably don't want to) but my mom just glared angrily at CS as she left downstairs to her room. Mom made sure I got water, food, and restroom. I didn't mess up my room, that itself also created issues that I'll lay out later.
There are so many(too many) horrific memories from that time. It was hard all the time. I was insulted, isolated from my other siblings, and eve. Physically hurt. I'm not sure if the physical pain was worse though. I tended to forgive people very easily, and constantly, even into my early adulthood, tried my best to make her think better of me. She would steal clothes from me(cut them up to "fit her better". I was chunky, more medical than anything else, so with alterations, yes, they'd fit her. Like they'd fit an escort. Yes it's mean, but she's literally cut the pant legs off of jeans so that it was literally a jean thong. I only realized how terrible that was later on my teen years when fashion set in more within your social groups. And when they eventually didn't fit her(hah) she'd just throw them out and say they were a waste and wouldn't look good on me anyway. My mom told CS at the thrift store that she had to find outfits for me before finding herself some, and she would often try to just grab the first thing(usually ugly and wrong size) she could and the try to shop for herself(she was greedy with money. If CS found out a gift or piece of clothing one of us got cost more, she'd throw a fit and destroy our things. My mom once bought herself a vintage star Trek the original series collection, and because she didn't spend her tax return on CDs for CS, CS scratched up a bunch of the discs. My mom never even got to watch them before that. Some still played, but it felt like a loss). Mom didn't like that and said she had to help me find suitable clothes I liked. CS didn't like it, but obliged.
One of the larger things she did, when a 12/13 year old(I was 10) is she broke into an abandoned foreclosed house with a grown man, and stayed there for several days, or maybe a week or 2 . She ran from home often, blaming our mom for her issues was the norm for her. Everything was moms fault. Might've been her fault, though, was what happened next. My mom didn't want to call the cops on my sister, but knew confronting her alone and with an unknown man would be dangerous. So, probably against her better judgement, she handed me the phone(she worked at a cellular call center, in the early stages(2000's) of cell phones. She got them from the company for free, periodically). I called 911, per our mom's wishes. Explained my sister had broken into a house with a man and had been staying there. Once they heard that she was a minor, they didn't take long to get there. We sat up the road, in the car, watching it happen. Mom cried the entire time, but would not move from that spot until she saw that the cops had successfully taken her into custody. I just stared while it happened.
I know I shouldn't have had to make that call, but, due to being left alone all the time to my own devices, I had become quiet and usually kept my words and feelings to myself, and therefore seemed the most "emotionally stable" to handle it. Being put into that kind of spot was already happening with other issues, but they aren't relevant.
Over the years, more things happened that made me just want to be alone. LS even stopped being a target and was the precious baby sister (no issue with that in itself, but CS further alienated me from LS and I would once again be left alone. Being told I wasnt worth the time and that no one likes me, and if they did, it was because they pitied me, was an often occurance. My mom tried to stop it where she could but she had been met by the wrath of my sister(and before that, my father) for so long, she didn't want my sister to cause an issue that got us taken away from her. (We had been taken for some months due to some CPS workers believing my fathers lies about her being unstable and immoral. Given back due to no evidence, but with a struggle.) She didn't want to risk that again, so instead tried to keep the peace where she could. She had no family help, and was raising us all by herself. CS got physical, with even my mom, and it scared her. Out house was broken into numerous times by her ex boyfriends, ex friends, and people from..."groups" she used to hang out with. ES was also to the point of just not talking to CS or coming around that much anymore(after she moved out at 17. She also couldn't stand to be around CS)
An emergency later on with ES got her and CS bonding and acting like siblings that had a spat, and around that time is when LS was starting to get CS's attention. (I don't blame LS at all. It's not really her fault we never got to bond like siblings and even now don't know how to talk to one another freely). I still received the brunt of CS's wrath. She'd be nice, like offering some soda she bought, or some snacks, and then be a total b itch, sometimes going off and accusing me of stealing something.
CS: my chapstick is missing! Where is it? Me(roughly 8/9): why would I know? CS: don't talk back to me, I KNOW you stole it. now, where is it. Me, mumbling because I know what's going to happen:I don't know... CS: WHAT Me, wanting her to leave me alone: I DONT KNOW. CS: shut up, yes you do, I know you took it, now where is it??
At this point, I am crying and she has already hit me in he head and face a few times. After my refusing to answer, she just screamed and left me there, confused and wondering if I did take it.
She found it later. Never said a word or offered apology. This was a regular accurance all the way up until she moved out for the first time at 14. I learned to not use the phrase " I don't know" as often as I could because to her, it meant I wanted to hide something, because I obviously should know, and was choosing not to tell her and lie. It still happened, and yes, I got beat for it. We even moved school districts when I was 11(not related to the incidents) and I didn't want to make friends because I hated that they would eventually know her. It was rough to say the least.
A few years later, after CS moving in and out of home with boyfriend after boyfriend after boyfriend, starting at 14, I only had to deal with her while she was home, either between moving stints, or whenever she wanted to drop by and take things, like food or stuff she left with us. Sometimes she just took things. Mom was happy to see her come at all, so we dealt with it. While I heavily disliked the way she had treated me until then, I still wanted her to like me. So when she was home, I tried. When she lived with us for a few months at the age of 16/17, ES, now in her early 20s, living on her own, bought me and LS a laptop. It wasn't the best, but it was a laptop. Well, as you can guess, CS wanted to be able to use it too. Mom said we should because it was the nice thing to do and it would calm things down. So I made her a profile of her own. Not good enough. She wanted access to the main account, the one me and LS used. Now I wasnt into anything nefarious at the time, like p**n or anything, but I just don't want to give in to her being crazy and hovering. She looked for anything to yell at me for. She never once asked or yelled at LS for the password, even though LS knew it. It was my fault.
Next time I got the laptop back, the charger cord had some extra pieces stuck to it that I later found to be part of the internal charger port. She had literally ruined not only the charger, but the charging port in the laptop itself. Rendering it absolutely useless. Replacing that small part required the whole charger port to be replaced, and connections to be restored inside the laptop itself. So, it was a loss. No one seemed to ever be as mad as I was that this kept happening. Call me petty, but I held those memories as the deepest grudge, I still do. I kept pushing it down whenever she wanted to be nice to me, which in hindsight ended up being her needing something from me, sometimes even my company, because she couldn't keep authentic friends around. She got me stoned for the first time when I was 8 or 9 at one of her boyfriend's houses, and then gave me my first drink around the same age. Both with my mom not present. I was a child so when she told me not to tell in exchange for snacks and such, I obliged. I just wanted her to like me.
2 moments really stick out in the high school days before she left for several years to play wife to yet another guy. 1.The first was when we were actually hanging out in the kitchen of the family apartment, CS and ES were drinking and just catching up, while I was just by the kitchen drinking water. CS got pretty tipsy and, while walking into the kitchen, slipped and fell. She wasn't hurt or anything, it was just a small thing, and she ended up gigging and everyone laughed, like it was one of those fun family moments, y'know. Like in the shows. Well she looks and sees me laughing too, like literally everyone else. This is particular makes her mad and she gets right up and strides towards me. My mom yelled her name but before anything could happen, CS punched me right in the jaw. Only this time, I didn't fall, much less move more than an inch or 2. I already knew it was coming the moment she locked eyes with me. I stood my ground and just stared at her. I couldn't believe it. Even though I prepared for it, I still couldn't believe it. Everyone else has started laughing first. She had been gone for years. She herself thought it was funny. But seeing me, have fun at her expense, no matter how minuscule? No. Not happening. My mom asked her why she did it. She only looked at me, my face not even sad, just flat, like I felt nothing and hadn't been hit. But I didn't feel "nothing". I felt rage. Rage that, even at 14 and 15, even if others had joined, I was her target. She scoffed when family questioned her and stormed off. Nothing changed.

1. After that, I had issues with friends, yet again, because she was home. I, 16 at the time, tried to stay the night at a friend's house, but instead of getting input from my mom, I got CS. She demanded that I clean my "pig-sty" of a room. I shared a room with LS, and a lot of the things complained of, weren't mine. And even if I cleaned, the ADHD made it messy as I easily lost things and would flip my room in a panic. Regardless, I asked if I could talk to mom. Mom hesitated, but as well said no, likely because CS was there and my mom is, admittedly a pushover and a bit naive when it comes to them. CS was screaming at me on the phone, and my friend's mom heard it, and took the phone and asked for them(my mother, NOT my sister) to talk. After this, I told them my sister had issues and was a bad person(info with extra details omitted, but it's legal issues), and to not pay attention to the insults. Well friend's mom thought she should talk it over with my mom and I told her it's fine just discuss staying over, I'm not keen on going home.

My mom came after some minutes(we lived down the street), with, ugh, CS with her. I asked why she was there and her response was to make sure I "wasn't spreading sh it about her to gain sympathy". My mom went inside to talk to friend's mom and the big hit came. -Some background. I was depressed. Of course, with a sibling destroying any chance of normal social interaction and losing material items and even money, I wondered, from an early age, why. I didn't try to take my life up to that point, and anything I did was cuts, scratching, and punching. I did anything to control what I was feeling. I felt so many emotions, and some that I didnt know how to explain, some of which had followed me since childhood, that I couldn't get a hold of. So I turned to pain, something I could thoroughly control. It had been going on since I was around 12 in middle school, found out by my mom at 14/15, and I was actively in therapy(after arguing with ES and my mom that I needed therapy, and being told i was selfish). I was still 15 at the time. -Back to it. While my mother and my friend's mom were chatting, CS and I were arguing. I just wanted her to leave me alone, and told her so. The apartment walls werent the best, so CS overheard the things I had said about CS. None were lies, I just wanted someone to know. Deep down I still wanted her affection, but I wanted SOMEONE to hold her accountable at least. But it didn't end there. In the hallway, after hearing the main convo between the mothers, and hearing mine tell friend's mom that I fluffed up the issue because we dont get along, sibling rivalry(the usual excuse):
CS:I don't know why you have to blab so much, no one needs to know. Me: it's the truth. CS it doesn't matter. You don't even want to be here. If you're going to cut yourself, at least do it the right way.
I stopped talking and looked down after that. She smiled and continued waiting for our mom, while on her phone, probably the 4th one that year(she broke them often). It hurt. But hearing it didn't hurt as realizing that I felt it all the time. A grief from early childhood, that I didn't know the origin of, came back. I grieved myself. I still didn't know it then, I was just sad and numb. I thought death was the easy way out. Surely I didn't deserve the easy way. I continues the injuries, hiding them better and refusing to tell my therapist after a separate incident with my mom. Mom even stopped coming to the group therapy, and they told me it was specifically to help parents support their troubled kids, and if my mom wasn't showing up, I could no longer attend the group sessions. We would still have 1 on 1. But it made me feel even worse. Everyone in that group probably knew why I wanted there after 2 times with my mom absent. But I digress. After hearing my sister say that, I guess I became more serious about leaving everything and hoping for a better shot next time, if there was one.
Some months later, still 15 and in school I decided to try what I had heard: alcohol with a high number of any kind of pain pill. I took about 14-16(I don't quite remember, I just kept taking 2 at a time and quit counting at 12, just kept taking) of extra strength Tylenol. Took a shot or 2(or 4, I just did what I thought might be enough while not giving myself away) from ES bottle(she had moved home due to her living situation falling through), and went to school, hoping for the best(worst) I did get a little scared when I suddenly felt a spike in my heart rate, sweat, and a cold sweep through my body. This lasted several minutes, and I happened to be sitting at my desk in class, already having finished the assignment, so laying down on the desk looked normal. I waited and waited. The feeling got worse and worse, and painful, in my stomach and my chest. After a few grueling minutes of hoping it would happen, it didn't. While some residual pain remained in my abdomen, the other symptoms had calmed down. To say i was disappointed was a huge understatement. I went through the classes, saying nothing about having almost released myself from the harsh grip of empty reality. There wouldn't have been a point. I'd have been yelled at by my family for being selfish and wanting attention, just like when they had discovered my injuries and when I had asked for therapy. I was already threatened with being put into a mental ward for teens. Saying something and failing warranted worse consequences than not telling and succeding. So I kept silent and suffered. I decided that putting myself out wouldn't happen, and I would just deal.
I moved in with someone I was dating and their family just a few months after my 18th birthday(9 mo together). I hadn't even graduated yet, just finished credits early. CS had already moved out before that, but I just didn't want to be there any longer. I felt unsupported and pushed aside. Not to get into details, because it's not my story, but when LS was going through something(after I moved out), they dropped it all to help her and take her to therapy. Again, I don't blame LS. I may not like the way she handled her situation afterwards, but it happened nonetheless, and she was pampered by that demon and cared for by everyone else as the baby, so I've never had huge issues with her, but my family's reaction to her vs me was starkly different. Especially after being told several times by CS, ES and hinted at by my mom that I was always a little difficult, but not in a purposeful kind of way. Yet while I was "difficult" I was still thought to be relatively low maintenance due to the fact that I shyed away and prefered to do my own thing, alone. I mean, wouldn't you if you felt, no, if you knew, that certain family members just hated you, and others regarded you as difficult? When you just wanted love? I know that I wasn't normal like other kids, in that I didn't show clear emotion, or didn't know how to convey my feelings or needs. But I never tried to be an issue. But that's what I had always been told. That I was doing it at my own will, to make CS angry. I'm not even sure what about me always put CS off, but it weighed down for a while.
As an adult(18-20), it was better. Communication, but with less physical meetings, proved to at least be better for us. CS eventually started talking to me and my at-the-time SO, inviting us out. I think she needed company, because the man she chose to marry had all but cut out all male people from her life(don't feel bad, she did the same with his female friends)and her female friends were not always good friends, and maybe she knew that, deep down, I still wanted her approval. And boy was she right. We(me and SO, Same age) were always accepting her invitation. My SO had the train of thought that CS was at least trying, and that counted for something. At the time I agreed.
Around age 20, we were heading to Christmas with my family after SO's family celebration(we lived with them at the time, in hindsight a bad idea, totally separate issue). It was snowing and the car I was driving had belonged to SO's parents, so, respectfully, I requested to my SO that we pick up CS and take her to moms apartment(she hadn't moved since we left home, expenses and all). Well, SO was a momma's kid, and while we were getting ready to leave, SO told the parents about the extra trip and asked if that was ok. (At the time I don't think anything, but later on I realized that the mother was a huge control freak with attachment issues and the SO would always back her up in the end, even if there was a good chance we'd win an argument). Looking back, they definitely had an issue with my relationship with my family(mother mainly. Narcissist), but this was CS, and I already had reservations about her anyway. SO's parents said no, sorry. Unfortunately, SO was really dense(yes, I know, shut up) so I couldn't ask them to lie to their mother. I let CS know and was explaining that it wasn't my car and wasn't my idea to "get permission" from the owner(although, as mean on their part as it was, that had to be the case. I had only been given permission to use it for work of whenever me and SO went somewhere together. Yes, very controlling, but not the point). CS wouldn't listen. Instead, went on a tirade of how I was ungrateful and useless and all other insults that just echoed all of the childhood issues.
Story short, she ballooned the story to say that I told her I didn't want to take her and was being rude about it. ES texted me and told me not to come by at all(ES was paying a part of the bills and was an adult on the lease). No one would listen that this was just SO being dumb and, although yes I could've tried harder, it was not my fault. Myother called me that night and I cried, asking why my sister hated me. Why CS hated me. She could only say that sometimes people are angry and it's not our fault. While I appreciated her words, it didn't help. The gift I had for CS went unsent,(robe with her favorite design, Mary Jane) sat in my closet.
I mourned for a while but went on with my life, and that very next summer, I moved me and SO into an apartment. Made a deal with paying the car insurance and the basic gas/oil and regular maintenance costs, in exchange for just being able to drive the vehicle freely, and also I had my license for a year at that point(couldn't get it till 19, with my own cash and borrowing a car at the time), so they felt safer letting me use their car. Fair enough. moving on.
Some time goes by, and CS and ES end up falling out of touch again due to a made up issue(literally a dream where we made fun of her life and loss during her pregnancy. A dream. Mind you, she was also on substances this entire time, literally from the time she was like 11 or 12.) ES started talking to me again, claiming that she knew CS blew it out of proportion and just went along with it. Things go ok.1-2 years later Mom and ES move state. More things happen(kind of irrelevant since CS still isn't involved). Now LS and ES aren't speaking with me and CS comes in saying how she understands. I figured, it's was family, and I needed it. Right? And I was so confused on who to defend and back, my bio family or my SO, that seeing her, even with her sketchy SO, be able to have someone support her when she was put out, even if she was in the wrong and did the putting out, hit the family spot. Against everything, I started hanging out with CS. Up to this point , she hadn't apologized for anything really, but had given gifts, sent invites for holidays, and eve invited me, and sometimes SO over just to hang out(420 is legal in all the states I've lived in, so we had that in common at least). Start to not see CS in such a bright light since she has by that time(I'm 22 at the time) admitted to me that she cheats on her husband, they do hardcore drugs, and he avoids taxes, more stuff but I mainly ignore it cuz, hey, not my life, not my problem. Things go ok.
I leave my ex in 2019 and move out of my state in 2020 and in with family. Yay job closures. Now, this move was probably one of the worst, betraying, infuriating, heartbreaking things that I did as it showed some things about family that I really ignored since I hadn't created an irreversible issue until I lived back with them, as well as bring other heart wrenching events, but that's not important here.
CS now hasn't really sent anything unless it's to ask for help with something, which I do and she pays back, as always. That's not really the bad part. First was about 2 years after I had moved states to be with family. I had been paying ES money for rent, from unemployment(COVID), And had a surgery scheduled for just 3 weeks after the unemployment cut off(I had been looking for jobs but very little luck aside from some MLMs) and ES went ballistic, saying how i was putting them in financial strain(our mom had recently gotten a large tax return from COVID credits, as did she. I did not since I worked during 2019 and 2020. I also got no extra unemployment since it started after the main event. ES ranted to CS that I was a bum and was mooching and spent over a year not paying anything,( even though I had offered ES proof since ES had yelled at me before CS called me). She even posted personal information to insult me online to people I don't know, which is when ES told CS that, while she was mad at the situation, that was crossing a major line. I refused to call CS first, so after a few days, she called me. I laid into her what had been really happening by that point, that I had been paying and I have been doing door dash and donating plasma to continue to pay rent, which I Had talked about to ES. CS was silent during this, and I finally asked why any of the things in childhood happened.
Me: I just want to know why you always bullied me, and beat me up? The things you said?
CS: Well, I want to apologize, but I don't remember a lot of the stuff I did. I was usually high on something. Me: ...Not even telling me to off myself? CS:......-username-, I was a terrible person, and I was on a lot of stuff. I'm sorry that I don't remember.
I don't go farther cuz it's just me explaining everything and that I can't stand that Im always attacked. We hang up with CS telling me that she hopes the best.
Well, things kind of blow up, rent gets unpaid, money is wasted, and I decide to no longer pay and move to my own place. I don't talk to ES. CS chats sometimes, but not too much. After a while of not much texting, around middle of 2022, CS texts. Not exact, but I'll summarize it.
CS: hey, I'm divorcing my husband(I knew, mom told me earlier, didn't say anything) and I'm gonna move to Texas with this guy I've been talking to while married. I'm short on money to move into a place, so could you and mom maybe do this investing app and help out? Me: does it require anything like my credit?(Issues happened prior to this with another person) CS: no you just need to invest their free 5 dollars and keep the account open(I think for either 2 weeks or a month). Me: ok I'll get it started. CS: thank you so much! So how's the new Italian place? Me: it's good, it's called "blah blah blah" CS: ok cool, I'll look it up. Me: Okie dokie. So how's the move coming along
She never responded after that. I ignored it and put it on that she needed to move and focus on packing. I then went to our mom(I took her and her cat with me cuz I'm not monster) and told her the situation. She wanted to ask CS about what to do cuz I had to work in the morning and it was late. Convo:
Me: when you ask CS, ask "hey, -username- said you needed something, I have the app up, what do I do next?" Because this would explain that I told Mom and make CS answer what she wants.
Nope. She just sent "oh did you need any thing for moving, like money or anything?"
CS: hmm? Oh no, we're going to stay with his parents, but thank you for the offer! We'll be ok!
I got upset cuz I feel like I knew something was up. Asking me to help with money for moving to an apartment(she has a car large enough to pack her belongings and she didn't plan to bring furniture). I let it go and deleted the investment account, which continues to try charging me so I had to change banks. Very nice.
Now to this last fall(2023). I moved after that and there was very little interaction. I had been thinking about the relationships in my life and realized that being around CS in particular, or even being mindful of her, was causing mass amounts of resentment and anger in me, making my mental health dive. The lack of remorse and just consistent blaming of substances instead of the choice to do those substances. Claiming she's was a terrible person, but not saying anything about the issues it caused.
I decided that if CS did not even contact me on my birthday(she had skipped it before which isn't too bad, but one year even sent a message 2 months late and when I called her out, she blew it off and just said "oops, I was drunk, my bad".
So this last fall I wait. And nothing, till the end of the day. Honestly I didn't want to wait for excuses or anything. I just felt all of the anger of trying to get her attention and her love, and the desperation that I felt trying to understand why I never deserved it. So I removed her. Not blocked. If there are any emergencies where she would need to contact me(not likely), then it's there. I have a new number, so social media messaging was sufficient. I had done the same with ES.
The very next morning, I had a huge message about how she noticed that I had removed her(this site doesn't notify if someone leaves your friend circle) and about how she felt bad about what happened as kids but that she felt horrible for blocking people out for so long. Then another message telling me that she didn't want to be without her siblings again. Telling me that now, she was going to have a kid in several months, and how it's amazing and she's excited to finally be a mom and I'll be an uncle again(LS has 2 young kids of her own). I opened it and ignored it. She then said she tried reaching out and I left her on read and she hopes I have a good life.
Mentally, I may not be where I want myself to be, and sometimes I feel like I haven't moved forward from being that kid, that just wants to know why. But one step at a time, especially with therapy.
I wanna say I don't feel like the AH, or if I am, that is justified. But I guess there's always going to be a small part of me that wants to have the bonds that I never knew, even if it's too late by now.
So, am I the AH for just stopping contact and connection to someone I feel I just don't have a connection with?
P.s., sorry there's a lot, I honestly didn't mean for it to be this long. Please don't hate my late night grammar

okay on a burner for obvious reasons and im literally crying in my mom's bedroom rn and this is rly weird for me but if anyone is gonna understand it'll be on this sub. im very religious and conservative, got married at 20, every type of cringey Christian stereotype there is.
im visiting fam for mother's day in the small town i grew up. today i went to my aunt's lake house. just to get some sun. my husband was already a little annoyed that i was going (not with me! just in general.) because my cousin (no biological relation, product of divorce) clearly has a crush on me, takes opportunities to hold my hips, brush my ass, etc. it makes me mad too, but i have a higher tolerance for bad behavior in my family than my husband does. i knew my cousin wouldn't be there bc he goes to college about an hour away.
id forgotten a bathing suit, so my aunt told me to borrow one of hers. (side note, compared to me, my aunt is WILD, objectively a milf, boob job, the works)
all she had were thong bikinis. i was soooo uncomfortable with the idea of wearing one. i only wear one pieces. but it was just the two of us and i rly did want some sun so i put it on.
her and i were laying out, having some rosé and a good time but about 20 minutes later i started getting really itchy. idk what it was, i think some kind of allergic reaction, but my top was making me really itchy.
my aunt told me to just take it off. i was shocked and mortified, but it was just the two of us and we were hidden so i obliged and took off my top.
honestly the sun felt so good on my bare boobs, and i fell asleep. idk how long i was out, but i woke up and noticed a nice tan. then i noticed my MALE cousin walking towards me, holding my bikini top! by the time I noticed it was too late, his eyes were glued to my tits. i screamed and covered myself, with my hands.
idk how he got there, i guess he came back to surprise his mom. i feel horrible at this point bc a, someone other than my husband saw my boobs, and b, im really ashamed to say this, but it was a nice day and i don't see my aunt often so i stayed. and i remained topless because my cousin had already seen my boobs so i guess i figured the damage was done. but now i feel like that was just horrible. im sure my cousin was looking at my tits. and i didn't completely put a stop to it.
i haven't told my husband yet because im still processing. he's never seen another girl's boobs and before today, no one else had seen mine either.
am i huge slut? am i a horrible wife?
please help. AITAH?

This took place back in the 90’s, I was part of the wedding party of a good friend, having the role of an usher for the groom’s side. I was in my mid 20’s and had been very good friends with the groom since we met at sixth form college aged 16.

The Groom was from a small town of just over 3,000 people, in a very rural area in the south of England, the kind of place where everyone knows each other, and it is rare for them to mix with any outsiders. He had been a hard partying wild man, whose main interests were Football, music, and beer. When I was away at university, he saw the light, put his old ways behind him and became born again. Gave up his job and became a missionary. Whilst away doing missionary work, joined by the youngest son of his Baptist minister, the groom met the bride. I nice young girl from the north of England who was also very religious.

After six months of dating, they got engaged, he had moved up to be close to her, got a job and they got a house, although she stayed living with her parents until the wedding.

The stag do was uneventful, the Groom came back down for a weekend for it, and the best man follow the instructions he had been given. A round of golf, the out for a meal then to the Grooms old local pub for the evening. The best man and me where the only ones who where not religious, when I noticed that the where 13 of us for the meal my last supper joke did not go down well. Even the Grooms mother joined us in the pub after the meal. Not the wild night of decadence I would have through his stag do would have been only a few years before.

That’s the boring bit over, now to the Wedding…….

The day before the Wedding my job was to pick up the youngest son of the local Baptist minister first thing in the morning, he was the other usher on the groom’s side, and drive him the length of England to the North of England near the Scottish boarder. The groom had been stressing out as we are both nice easy-going blokes, but we do both have a well and truly earned reputation for being a bit flaky. I’m due to pick him up at 9am, I wake up at 9:40am. Panic, get showered and dressed and run to my car. I get five minutes down the road and then turn around and return to my home to get my wedding suit. I get to the Baptist ministers’ home at 10:40am, I am knocking and ringing the doorbell until I wake the other usher at 11am. He showers and gets dressed whilst I wait in the kitchen for him, his father the minister comes home and me and him chat, he says that he would have loved to have gone to the wedding, but unfortunately, he is performing a wedding ceremony the next day for another couple we all know. Other usher comes down and says that he will make sandwiches for the journey, so we don’t have to stop. We finally get on the road at mid-day three hours late. We drive past my home soon after and I realise that I could have picked up my suit on the way.

The journey was uneventful apart from multiple texts from the best man asking when we would arrive, as the groom has an important job for us to do when we get there. Me and other usher had known each other for years and get on well so we chat and have a good laugh, this is when I found out the news that the wedding his father is doing the next day for the lad and his girlfriend, we all know, it had the same guest list as the groom’s side of the wedding we are going to. The guests had the choice of going to a wedding that most of them could walk to, and the rest would have a five-to-ten-minute drive, or one which would need them to take a day off work and a whole weekend to go to. The groom’s side for this wedding was just, his family, us two ushers, and five people the bride and groom had been missionaries with. When we start to get hungry the other usher looks for the sandwiches he made, only to discover that he has left them on the kitchen counter back at his parents’ house. This is the last time we screw up.

We get to the bride and grooms’ home at 8pm, as we walk to the door it swings open and we are nearly knocked over as the mother of the groom, his two twin sisters, and two brothers storm out of the house. The best man then greets us with the hunted look of a Vietnam veteran with a 1,000-yard stare. The other usher asks where the other missionaries are, the best man says that they are upstairs and other usher quickly disappears to see them. I walk in, the groom is hugging the bride, I say hello, they do not acknowledge me. The best man hands me a cup of tea and we go to the living room and close the door. We can hear the bride howling in tears just the other side of the door as the groom tries to claim her. Me and the best man are both British males, we know full well what to do in this kind of situation, our grand parents lived through the blitz, we drew down into our guts and invoked the Dunkirk spirt, we kept our stiff upper lips like any true Englishman, completely ignored the situation and made small talk about football, sipping our tea. The bride took about 45 minutes to stop crying.

After the wedding I found out , what had gone on, this was the first time the bride was meeting the grooms family, first the groom had asked his two 19 year old sisters to bring their dresses for the wedding along so he could approve them, now I do not know much about women, but one of the few things I do know this that you do not tell your sisters what they can and can not wear, as they will openly and honestly tell you what you can do with that request. Then the mother of the groom gave the couple a lucky horseshoe for there wedding, they refused to accept the gift as they are strict Christians, and the lucky horseshoe is a pagan symbol. Then the father of the groom, who was divorce for the mother of the groom decided to spring a surprise on everyone, he announced that he was bringing his new girlfriend and her toddler to the wedding. This is when the excrement well and truly hit the fan. The new girlfriend the groom also knew well, during his wild times he had known her in the biblical sense on more than one occasion. She was a very friendly and giving young women, in fact most of our friend group had known her biblically as well, some of them knew her in the biblical way two at a time. Thankfully looking at the time line unless it was a two-and-a-half-year pregnancy the toddler was not the grooms. The groom’s mother had openly called the grooms fathers new girlfriend a wh**e, which I feel is unfair, she didn’t ever charge, she was not a professional, she was just a very keen amateur. Over the next few minutes of shouting, it was made clear to the groom’s father that his girlfriend would not be invited to the wedding and there would be trouble if her brought her.

After everything had calmed down, we then drove over to the brides’ parents’ home. Where we had been given the task of blowing up ballons to decorate village hall the reception was taking place in, I was confused at why the groom was so stressed at us being on time so we could do this job. Then when no one else was about the groom gave us our real roles and responsibilities for the next day. Basically, we had the job to be his fathers’ minders during the reception, his father, was a violent, aggressive, alcoholic, and our role was to try and keep him away from other guests, try to stop him from insulting anyone, and if he starts a fight then to get in the middle of it and break it up. Now, I grew up playing Rugby, the sport which American football evolved from, except the only protection we wore was a gumshield and a cup (Known as a cricket box in the UK). I may not be the tallest but at the time I had spent a year working as a builder’s labour (construction worker for the Americans) and had the body I still think in my mind I still have, until I see myself in the mirror when I get out of the shower and realise that I currently have a body that resembles a dropped lasagne. Other usher was sporty, but stick thin, and I doubt that he had ever taken a punch in his life, I knew which of the two of us would be getting in the middle to break up any fight.

The Wedding Day……….

We had stayed in the same budget hotel chain as the groom’s family, except his father. My first responsibility of the day is to drive the mother of the groom to the wedding, along with the youngest brother and other usher. Oldest brother and twin sisters are being driven by oldest brothers’ best mate who was not invited to the wedding but came anyway.

In the morning of the wedding, I am in the hotel’s carpark decorating my car with the traditional white ribbons for wedding cars. The mother of the groom leans out of her ground floor room window and calls me over to the window. I walk over and just as I get there I see over her shoulder and freeze in shock. Both the grooms twin sisters and in the background getting ready for the wedding, one has just a towel wrapped around her, the other is only wearing a thong. They both see me, freeze, then scream and run into the room’s bathroom. I am extremely embarrassed, the groom’s mother, who is very east London just shouts at them,
‘Don’t be so stupid girls, you ain't got nothing he ain't seen before’.
We then go over what time we should leave for the wedding.
Knowing both the groom, and his father are very protective over the twins, even though it was a total accent, this incident could have landed me trouble with them both.

I am so paranoid about being late to the church that we arrive so early that the church is still locked, over the next few hours people arrive. For some strange reason they had decided to go with the traditional bride’s side sitting on one side of the isle, and grooms side sitting on the other. This led to a few issues, on the groom’s side, there were on the first pew, six members of his family, on the second pew, the five missionaries plus me and other usher, and brother of the grooms best mate. On the brides’ side, there where all her friends and family, plus every member of her parents’ church. I suggested that we just filled the empty pews on the groom’s side with guests, but the two ushers on the brides’ side, the bride’s brothers wouldn’t even consider it. Me and other usher had no-one to usher to their seats, as it had started raining, we decided to grab a couple of umbrellas and meet and greet guests as they parked and shield them from the rain. We also started to set out extra seats for the bride’s side as all the pews on that side of the church had been filled, there was over 150 on her side, even though on the groom’s side only two pews had anyone sitting in them and only 14 people.

Then the final guests arrive, they are very elderly, from the church the parents of the bride belong to, they decided to park right in front of the door to the church, I asked them if they could move, they explained that they were not going to the reception and were leaving for a holiday right after the ceremony, so they wanted to leave quickly. I pointed out that they had parked in such a way that the bride would be forced to squeeze down a foot and a half gap between their mud-covered car and a brick wall whilst it was raining to get into her own wedding. They did not see anything wrong with that. There was some back and forth between us, but finally I found a parking spot which they could easily leave early from and was out of the way, they reluctantly moved their car to that spot. Just as the car carrying the bride and her father drove into the carpark.

The ceremony went off without any drama. After the ceremony it is the photos, as each set of photos are done the people leave to go to the reception. The last set to be done are the newly married couple and the groom’s mother. We get to my car, and we realise that no-one has told us where the reception is. There is one last car with wedding guests in leaving at the same time as us, the only other car is the best man’s car, and he is taking the bride and groom. I quickly follow the car that is leaving hoping that they are going to the reception. This is the 90’s, the only two people who have mobile phones are the best man, and me, him as his work supplied him with one, and I had got one as I did not want to be talking to my, at the time recently ex-girlfriend (I broke it off with her a week before and that is why other Usher got to share my hotel room with me as I had already booked and paid for two people for two nights, I had just changed the booking to a twin room) whilst in the same room as my parents on their landline. The best man calls my phone, asking if we know where the reception is, we don’t but we are following a car that might be going there. Groom and Bride do not drive and do not know the way to the reception. Other usher has my phone, he is describing landmarks to best man who is about two minutes behind us, so he can find his way. After 20 minutes of driving thankfully the car I am following is going to the reception and two minutes after we arrive the bride and groom arrive.

We go to our assigned tables for the meal, I am sitting next to the friend of the oldest brother of the groom, opposite him is the oldest brother of the groom, directly opposite me is the only wearing a towel sister of the groom, next to her is the other twin who I saw too much of earlier that day. And next to me is the boyfriend of the maid of honour. I try to make small talk with the boyfriend of the maid of honour, but he is staring daggers at the best man, who is sitting at the head table talking to and looking, like he is really hitting it off with the maid of honour. Boyfriend of maid of honour is not happy, he is in silence for most of the meal but at some points during the meal sounds like he is growling. I later found out that best man and maid of honour both had the same job and just talked shop the whole meal, the only other person best man had to talk to as he was on the head table was youngest brother of groom who was six years old, and as she was at the end of the head table there was no-one on the other side of her, the boyfriend of maid of honour made me feel about as welcome as a ginger haired step son.

The best man speech was interesting, as he had been given strict instructions on what he could say and what he could not say. The stories about the groom stopped at the age of 12, and then jumped to when he became born again. More than half his life had to be skipped over.

Due to the father of the groom, the decision was made to have a dry wedding, apart from a glass of sparkling wine each to toast the bride and groom. Somehow towel sister of the groom managed to get a few glasses of sparkling wine and started to get very flirty with me, as she was rubbing her foot up and down my leg under the table, I moved my leg away, I looked her in the eye and gave a firm shake of the head, thankfully she got the message. The other twin sister, who is very shy and studious, couldn’t even look me in the eye due to embarrassment from the morning.

On the lighter side, the bride who had been starving herself for months before the wedding, ate so much that she burst the zip at the back of her dress, she saw the funny side of it and her mother and sisters all used safety pins to pin it back up so she could then eat some more.

It then comes time for the first dance, this wedding was on a tiny budget, this was before we could burn CD’s at home, so the groom had made a mix tape for the dances, as they were half way into the first dance, the tape player ate the tape. No more music.

Me and other usher spent the rest of the time basically standing in front of father of the groom, who had brought his own bottle of whiskey. We knew that a guaranteed why to provoke violence was to try and take the bottle off him. We became the absorbers of his bile, we bit our tongues as we listened to his racist, anti-Semitic, anti-Islamic, sexist ranting, saying about how the world is against him and none of his problems are his fault. Each time one of his children or his ex-wife came within earshot her would try to provoke them, but they remained stoic.

It then came time for the bride and groom to leave for their honeymoon, I had supplied the oldest brother of the groom and his friend with a can of shaving foam to decorate the wedding car in the traditional manner, they did not disappoint.

Once the bride and groom had left, the rest of the guest all left, no music, no booze, no food there was nothing to stay around for, so the wedding was over by 7:30pm.

I drove the mother of the groom, Youngest brother of the groom and other usher back to the budget chain hotel we were staying in. after dropping them off I went and brough myself a lot of beer, went to oldest brother of the grooms room, as the England football team had been playing a world cup qualifier game that day and had set up a video recorder to record it and we watched the game. Half way through the best man turned up, again with a 1,000 yards stare.

Later I found out what had happened next. The best man had driven the newly married couple to the hotel where they were having their honeymoon. As he was driving back, he got a phone call on his mobile phone, asking hm if he had the keys to the married couples’ home, as the five missionaries are all staying there for the weekend. He does not have the keys, the only person who has the keys is the groom. The best man turns around and drives back to the hotel. There is no way that he is going to disturb the married couple on their wedding night, the very religious couple on their wedding night, the groom might not have saved himself for marriage during his wild years, but it had been made very clear to everyone that the bride had saved herself for marriage. The best man gets the front desk to ring up for him, no answer. In the end a manager goes up and knocks on their room and gets the keys.

The next day we all drive back south and try to get over the experience.

Over 25 years later:

The groom and bride and still together, and still very happy together, they have four children.

Towel sister of the groom is happily married with three children.

Embarrassed sister of the groom, went to University, became a teacher and is no longer extremely shy, she came back from Uni full of confidence. I bumped into her last year in our local supermarket when she introduced me to her two teenage daughters as the first guy who to got to enjoy her boobs. I was just as embarrassed as her daughters.

Oldest brother of the groom spent so much time in the job centre that he ended up getting a job there.

Youngest brother of the groom is a lovely lad with a great girlfriend, their wedding is next year.

Mother of the groom is still hoping that oldest brother of the groom will meet someone nice sometime and move out, no-one else thinks that is going to happen.

Father of the groom is currently living in a hostel for the homeless. None of his three sons will have anything to do with him, his two daughters take it in turns to do his washing and give him enough food for the week. They do not give him any money.

Me and best man are still very close. We helped each other move into our first homes and decorate them. He was my best man at my wedding, and I was best man at his. I am godfather to his son, he is the named trustee in my will. We supported each other through our divorces. We support each other with our elderly parents and their mad erratic decisions. The only reason we are not meeting up this weekend for a beer and a catch up, is because he is currently dealing with the family drama around his mother in her late 70’s deciding to elope with someone she has only known for two weeks.
I have been to many weddings over the years, this is still the only one I can remeber all of the details of.

As with all my stories, there has and never will be a season 8. All my stories "Always" pick up from Hollander's Woods. I've fudged their ages a little to fit the narrative.
Kate was browsing on her I-Pad at vacation destinations. She took a sideways glance at her husband next to her, they were both leaning up against the headboard. He was on his computer consumed in his latest story. She put her head against the headboard and closed her eyes for a minute. Eighteen years, they've been married over 18years, with 3 kids all teens. She just turned 52 and Her husband's next birthday would be his 62nd. Kate opened her eyes and looked at him again. His hair was 50% white, and he had to wear glasses for close up writing and reading. She thought he was still the sexiest man alive, and they still went at it like teenagers.
Rick felt his wife staring at him. he mischievously placed his hand on her thigh and started running it up her leg. Kate blurted out, "Oh no you don't lover boy. Not tonight. Do you know that I had to limp into work this morning, from that acrobatic move you put me in last night... Rick, I just don't bend like that anymore!
Her husband chuckled, "I didn't hear you complaining last night".
Kate huffed, "Yeah well it's like when you get drunk, your happy in the moment but there's hell to pay the next day". She hit him in the arm and said, "They were laughing at me at work, at least the women were. I had a couple of them yell out, "Hey Captain what did you and Rick get up to last night." Kate, remembering their last night session smiled and said, "I feel like I've pulled something in my hamstrings. You have to be aware that I'm 52, and I don't bend like I used to.
"Never thought I'd hear that my wife would concede that I was too much man for her", Castle laughed.
"Oh, really mister big shot stud, what about last year when they had to peal you out of the limo. You threw your back out for 3 weeks", Kate smiled at the recollection.
Castle chuckled, "Well it seemed like a good idea at the time, I must have misjudged the dismount".
Kate laughing said, "And then on top of everything they drag you out of the Limo and you've got my underwear in your hands. Then you proceed to put my underwear on your head and started yelling out to everyone that you were the Frito Bandito. I still can't look at Ken (the limo driver) anymore without him looking at me with a big smirk on his face".
"I blame you for that. That Policeman's Benefit Gala you dragged to was boooorrring!... I think I had too much champagne trying to get thru the mind-numbing conversations that were going on. I know you were obligated to go, but my god it was like watching paint dry, but your right honey from now on I'll take your age into account when I pull my special maneuvers". Castle smirked.
She looked at him and smiled, "Shut Up".
They went back to what they were doing. They had always been comfortable in their silence. Being together was all that they needed. Castle noticed his wife was running her hands up and down his arm. After they had gotten engaged years ago, he noticed she was really a big cuddler and toucher, which had surprised him, but since the incident 4 years ago it had gotten much more noticeable. Rick thought back in his head to that day.
4 years ago, Castle and Kate had been in the kitchen. She had a rare day off from work, the kids were in school, so it was just them. When all of a sudden, he had started to clutch his chest. He had yelled out to Kate, and she started calling 911. Kate was in tears as they had wheeled him into the hospital. They had found out that he just had a major panic attack due to high levels of stress. Gina and Paula had swamped him in Book tours, and Book signings, plus were pushing him about his next novel, and it had just been too much.
When they got home Kate had gone into a tirade. "Rick" she yelled, "Give me your phone. I'm taking over management of your dealings with Black Pawn and Paula from now on and I don't want to hear a single argument from you about this", as she pointed a finger at him, "Dammit Rick, your just too nice for your own good, you don't know when to say no. This Fucking stops today, Rick, do you hear me. No More"!
Castle sheepishly had handed his phone over to her and said, "Sorry honey".
"Oh Baby, I'm not mad at you, I just want my husband to not be bullied". She then grabbed his phone and stalked off into his office. He listened in from the outside.
Kate had lit into Gina and Paula from the get-go, "Do you know what? Rick and I just came back from the ER, because we thought he was having a heart attack. It ended up having a massive panic attack, due to the stress he's been under trying to keep up with this fucked up schedule that you've both been trying to ram down his throat. I'm here to tell you that this shit is going to end now. From this point going forward, I will be handling all of Rick's obligations, and let me tell you this, we are going to be cutting waaayyyy back on everything!
Rick had heard his ex-wife Gina start to yell back at Kate, but Kate shut her down right away. "Gina, one more word from you, and Rick and I will start looking at over the dozens of prominent Publishing houses that have offers for him to come over to them. His graphic novels, children's books, serious Literature, and the occasional Nikki Heat books have him at the top of authors in the fucking world. We don't need either of you anymore. Rick continues to be loyal to Black Pawn because they gave him his start, but I don't share that loyalty. Are both of you fucking hearing me? I want my husband with me forever, and I will no longer allow you two to use his kindhearted nature against him anymore. Paula, send me a revised schedule that reflects a much lighter load, Rick and I will go thru them, and then you will get what we think is fair. It will be non-negotiable, you don't like it, then that's fine by us, because I will make both of you, yesterday's news. The days of you using my husband as your personal gravy train are over, and Gina listen to me well, if you try to go behind my back and try to contact Rick on your own, I will fucking bury you... Now, I need to hear that you both understand".
Paula said, "Kate I'm so sorry, I didn't know that Ricky was struggling with the schedule, I always think of him a machine. Tell Ricky I'm sorry, and hope he feels better. I'll get on that new schedule right away"?
Kate barked out "Gina I'm not hearing anything from you". Rick heard silence for what seemed forever, and then he heard his ex-wife yell back, "Fine", and then she hung up.
He remembered Kate running off to their bedroom and finding her in their bed crying. As he got in bed with her and held her tight, she buried her face in his chest and said, "I can't be without you Babe... I Can't... I just Can't." He remembers telling her, trying to get her to smile, "Hey honey nice use of the Senator Bracken quote when you saved his life... I'll fucking bury you... that's a classic!
Kate had chuckled thru a sob, "Well that douchebag was at least good for something".
He then assured her that he was going nowhere, and that they would have their always. After that incident and all the free time that opened due to Kate managing his time, he had got back into the gym and started working out again. He had built up some muscle and had lost 20 pounds. Kate told him how proud she was of him and noticed how she liked to fondle his biceps even more then she usually did.
A couple of months ago she told him that she was putting in her 30 and was going to retire from the force. She told him that she wanted to spend more time with him and the kids. He knew his wife; she was probably thinking that time was slipping away from them and wanted to make their moments count. It's not like that thought hadn't occurred to him too. Castle broke from his reverie, as he heard of in the distance, "Babe, are you even listening to me? Rick...Rick".
He turned to look at his wife, "Sorry honey, I'm sorry, I went off into la la land again".
Kate smiled and said, "So, where did you go this time in that amazing brain of yours? Good thoughts?"
"Honey, when I think of you their always good thoughts." he replied.
"I love you too, you big sap. Anyway, I was thinking about just you and I going on a vacation. For maybe 3 weeks. I've already looked into it, and I think that everything will line up. I called downtown, and 1PP said that Javy could take over as captain while I'm gone, it will give him some experience for when I retire, and he takes over. Alexis and David (her husband of 5 years) said that they were thinking of going to the Hamptons for the summer, so they could watch the boys along with Lanie. You know Lanie, any excuse to stay in the Hamptons with the boys, plus Lilly told me of a summer program starting at Columbia that was promoting classes for advanced kids that want to learn languages especially Russian, and she asked if she could go."
"Will there be boys there, I worry about Flower on her own"? Castle asked.
Kate smiled at him calling his daughter, Flower. He had called his daughter Little Flower since she was a baby. Kate had actually asked Lilly if she wanted her Dad, to stop calling her Flower, and she was taken back, at how panicked her daughter had gotten. Lilly had started to cry, and said, "No, Mom, don't say anything to Daddy, I love that he calls me Flower. He can call me that forever". Kate, had to calm her down and reassure her that she would say nothing.
"Babe, flower will be fine. I'll have Javy run a background check, on everyone involved, but she's going be fine. (Rick still had the occasional nightmare from when Alexis was kidnapped, so she had to walk a fine line when broaching Columbia). "Look Rick she's growing up; she needs to have the reigns loosened a little and see that we can trust her.
Castle turned his head to her, and she saw that he was fighting back tears. "I just need to know that she's safe Kate. I couldn't bear anything happening to her. We'll all sit down and look at the program tomorrow, and I promise if all goes well on the background check that she can go. Okay"?
"Okay Babe, but you need to have an open mind on this. Take it from a someone that knows what it's like to be a teenage girl. You hold the reigns to tight; they start to feel strangled. Remember how you and Alexis went back and forth when you were trying to hold on to tight? If the background check comes out clean you need to let her go.
Castle sighed, and said, "Okay honey she can go, I don't want to hurt her feelings, but it won't make me worry less. I want daily phone calls from her. No exceptions".
Kate knew that Lilly was a Daddy's girl, and that he was very protective of her much like he was of Alexis. Kate always knew he would be an amazing father but watching him over the years had simply amazed her. The kids adored him, he was so attentive and loving, plus his world of imagination captured them from when they were little. Royce, wanted to be a writer since he was 7, and he wrote every chance he got. Castle told him how proud of him he was as he did with all the kids. James, (Royce's twin brother) was more like her, constantly getting into scraps trying to protect other kids from bullies. Kate had already started to work with him on the speed bag, and Rick always told James that he would-be a kickass cop just like his mother. Castle would spin stories of their exploits, making them so spectacular then even though she had lived threw them, she was still riveted in the way he had spun their tales. The kids always gasped at just what their parents had been thru before they were born. Castle and Kate had decided a long time ago that they would try as best they could to never tell them of just how close they had been to death so many times as partners, though Castle told her it was just a matter of time until they find out, considering how much of their exploits had made local and national news, so they always prepared for that day.
Kate still to this day berated herself for those early years when she had pushed him away, she knew how much she had hurt him at times. He had become the light to her darkness, and she realized that every year that she had kept him at arm's length was a year that she could never get back being so helplessly in love with him.
Changing the subject Kate said to Rick, " Rick we need a vacation, I want just you and me to get away, you know I love our kids, but I miss my husband. I need this to happen Babe, I need alone time with you. I want it to just be us. Talk about anything we want, do anything we want, and know that there will be no interruptions".
"Honey", he replied, "You don't have to sell me on this, I'm all in. I even have an idea. Remember the year of our engagement when I told you about a college friend that turned into a billionaire by the age of 30 and bought his own island"?
Kate got excited and said, "Yeah...yeah, I remember saying that we should invite him to the wedding.
"Well, I just happen to know that he doesn't stay there anymore but he rents out the place for friends. It's a beautiful bungalow with all the amenities. They ship in food by boat, every 4 days. You can request scuba gear, jet skis, whatever, and they will be waiting for you when you get there. Plenty of booze to make tropical drinks, and the best part is that you hardly need any clothes, because it's a secluded Island. You can go naked, or bring just your thong, or bikini, but the point is that you can pack light. For emergencies their just 30 minutes away by boat. Just to let you know however, if you just wear your bikini underwear, I will have to confiscate them and turn into the Frito Bandito".
"You'll have to catch me first hot shot... Rick, do you think that you can find out tomorrow, to see if its available"?
"First thing in the morning honey", he winked.
A little while later Kate had fallen silent. Castle looked over at his wife and saw her fisting her hands in the sheets, she did that when she was broaching a subject that she felt insecure about. "What's going on in that gorgeous mind of yours honey".
Kate starred down at the sheets and whispered. "Do you still think I'm beautiful Babe? I was looking in the mirror this morning, and I just felt so ugly, I've got all these stretch marks, bullet scars, knife wounds and I've probably put on 10 pounds of baby fat that I can't get off. I look in the mirror sometimes and think why you still want me sometimes.
Castle put his computer away, and he rolled over to face his wife. 'Katherine Castle, I can't believe what just came out of your mouth", he ran his hands under her Green Lantern night shirt pulling it all the way up to her stomach, then proceeded to plant light butterfly kisses all over her stretch marks. Kate looked down, mesmerized at what her husband was doing. Castle rose up and pulled Kate's chin up to look into her eyes. Those eyes that he fell into from the moment he first met her.
"Honey, do you know how amazing and beautiful you are to me"? Kate's eyes misted over. "Kate", he said, "These marks show the strength and determination of my warrior woman, who gave birth to our 3 wonderful children and when doctors warned you that twins at 42 would be too great a risk, you told them to shove it up their asses, and you fought and fought to bring them into this world. Your bullets scars are our history of fighting for justice, and your determination to face down all the evil in this world... Remember the banquet we went to a few months ago"? Kate with tears in her eyes nodded. Castle continued, "Everywhere we went that night I watched as every man turned to look at you as you were clearly the most beautiful woman in the whole place. I wrapped my arms around you to let one and all know that you were mine. I'm still amazed even after all these years what I did to deserve such a strong, independent, loving mother and wife as yourself. I will always be grateful for the day that you became mine, and I always find you stunning. You take my breath away sometimes.
As her husband wiped the tears from her eyes she smiled and said, "Babe if I'd known what I know now I would have let you debrief me, when I first met you".
Rick chuckled and said, "And I would have still had no idea, and don't think for one second you were fooling anyone when you walked away from me down that alley, putting a major swing to those beautiful hips of yours, I knew what you were doing".
She smiled at looked at him under those long lashes, "I might have put a little more oomph into my walk. I could already tell that you were an ass man".
Kate rolled over and placed her head on her husband's chest. They went to bed almost always like that every night. Castle ran his hands thru her hair. As Kate slipped off to dream world, she mumbled, "Don't forget to call your billionaire friend tomorrow Rick", and then she followed that up with, "Love you Always Baby".
"Me too honey...Me Too. You are my dream come true. Until tomorrow honey".
"Night Babe", she mumbled.
Castle smiled remembering the day that Kate asked why he couldn't just say goodnight. He had replied, "Goodnight is boring, until tomorrow was more... hopeful", and she had said, "Well I'm just a cop Castle so... night". He smiled at that memory and thought to himself how he still occasionally had to pinch himself when he looked at his amazing children and the love of his life. He told Kate once that his dreams do come true. He looked at his wife, her head on his chest sleeping and he thought that he was the luckiest man in the world. He smiled as he fell asleep knowing that he would soon see her again... in his dreams.
Hope you liked!
Thinking of doing a sequel to this, where the kids find newspaper clipping of Casketts exploits and want to know more.