One thing that I really enjoy when getting into stories is coming up with song compilations/playlists that remind of the work, the characters, and/or the ship (which I guess could be considered "fanwork" in some respect? But I was also considering the "appreciation" flair as well. Please let me know which is more fitting!). I have been working on creating some of these songlists for 188 couples, complete with sections of the lyrics which I think fit the best.
I recently finalised HanGu's first (more to come in the future), so I wanted to share it with the 188 subreddit in case anyone else was interested. Feel free to suggest other songs below as well!
Taeyeon - INVU
Falling in love
To you, I’m just an option
You and I were different from the beginning
Broken heart
Your missed mention
I’m used to it, yeah
"Don't lean"
"Don't even expect"
Even if I rеpeat it over and over
With your onе touch
Watching me collapse
How do you feel about it?
, no-no, no
I guess I lost my mind
Yeah, it's my kind of love (Love)
Like it's always the first time
It hurts me again since I'm so clumsy (It hurts me again since I'm so clumsy)
Before I get dull
Before I even get healed
I mess up my mind
So I can't love you
Even though I do
Even if I push you away
I can't beat you
Even I abandon myself
And lose myself more
The irony is that you shine more
It hurts but I can't stop it
So when you leave
Please make it easy
'Cause I-N-V-U
Hayley Reardon - Losing
And you walk on by with that stupid smile
And I’m trying to move on, but it’s not worth my while
‘Cause when I see your face, I lose all control
Why do I always have to play this desperate role?
‘Cause you love me then you don’t
You can have me and you won’t
Why are you so confusing?
It’s a never ending game, and what’s complicated is
I always end up losing
How am I supposed to know what you feel?
When it’s something that you won’t reveal
Emmelie de Forest - Only Teardrops
The sky is red tonight
We're on the edge tonight
No shooting star to guide us
So come and face me now
Here on the stage tonight
Let's leave the past behind us
Eye for an eye
Why tear each other apart?
Please tell me why
Why do we make it so hard?
Look at us now
We only got ourselves to blame
It's such a shame
How many times can we win and lose?
How many times can we break the rules between us?
Only teardrops
How many times do we have to fight?
How many times till we get it right between us?
Only teardrops
Svala - Paper
I can’t leave you
But you make me feel like
Paper
You cut right through
I’m stuck like glue to you
Paper
Your darkness pulls
I lose control again
Drawing every bit of my truth
Colour me in with your blue
Paper
You cut right through
A thousand words for you
Bebe Rexha & Louis Tomlinson - Back to You
I know you say you know me, know me well
But these days I don't even know myself, no
I thought I would own the way I felt, yeah
Oh, you stress me out, you kill me
You drag me down, you fuck me up
We're on the ground, we're screaming
I don't know how to make it stop
I love it, I hate it
And I can't take it
But I keep on coming back to you
Ellie Goulding - Something In the Way You Move
But this heart is open, bloodstain on my sleeve
When our eyes meet, I can only see the end
But tonight I'm here, yours again
There's something in the way you do
There's something in the way you
Push me closer, further
Break me just enough
Your lies always seem so true
There's nothing left for me to lose
There's not one thing I can do to change your ways
But I can't sit back and take the lonely days
When our eyes meet, I can only see the end
And tonight the rain pours again
But tonight I'm gonna lose it all
Playing with fire, I was the first to fall
Heart is sinking like a cannonball
Baby, kill it, what you waiting for?
Crusher-P - Thunderstorm
I have no place being here
No, not anymore
I should've run while I could
When it began to pour
The temperature drops at the sound of your name
Storm chasing is always a dangerous game
Like a tornado, you swept me off my feet
And like a blizzard, you chill every bone in me
I am left with nothing here
Empty handed in the rain
The people we once were got lost in the hurricane
I was the lightning
You were the sound that followed me
The storm is coming
Streets are flooding
But I can’t leave
I'd give anything for the eye of the storm
We were a natural disaster in the realest form
And all I've got left is the aching in my heart
And all I've got left is the rain coming down
Hard, hard, hard
Taylor Swift - Wildest Dreams
He said, "Let's get out of this town
Drive out of the city, away from the crowds"
I thought, "Heaven can't help me now"
Nothing lasts forever
But this is gonna take me down
He's so tall and handsome as hell
He's so bad, but he does it so well
I can see the end as it begins
His hands are in my hair, his clothes are in my room
And his voice is a familiar sound
Nothin' lasts forever
But this is gettin' good now
He's so tall and handsome as hell
He's so bad, but he does it so well
You'll see me in hindsight
Tangled up with you all night
Burnin' it down
Someday, when you leave me
I bet these memories
Follow you around
Lana Del Rey - Young and Beautiful
I've seen the world, done it all
Had my cake now
Diamonds, brilliant,
and Bel Air now
Hot summer nights, mid-July
When you and I were forever wild
The crazy days, city lights
The way you'd play with me like a child
I've seen the world, lit it up as my stage now
Channelling angels in the new age now
Hot summer days
, rock and roll
The way you'd play for me at your show
And all the ways I got to know
Your pretty face and electric soul
Will you still love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful?
Will you still love me when I got nothing but my aching soul?
I know you will, I know you will, I know that you will
Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful?
Adam Lambert - Better Than I Know Myself
Cold as ice
And more bitter than a December
Winter night
That's how I treated you
And I know that I
I sometimes tend to lose my temper
And I cross the line
But I could never
Leave your side
No matter what I say
'Cause if I wanted to go
I would've gone by now but
I really need you near me
Keep my mind off the edge
If I wanted to leave, I would've left by now
But you're the only one that knows me
Better than I know myself
All along
I tried to pretend it didn't matter
If I was alone
But deep down I know
If you were gone
For even a day, I wouldn't know which way to turn
'Cause I'm lost without you
You're the only thing in this world
I would die without
Marianas Trench - All To Myself
I don't patronise, I realise
I'm losing and this is my real life
I'm half asleep, and I am wide awake
This habit is always so hard to break
I don't wanna be the bad guy
I've been blaming myself and I think you know why
I'm killing time and time's killing you
Every way that I do
It's not enough, it's never enough
And I wish I could breathe without getting it stuck
Can't focus it, but I try it
Over and over again
Did you say, "Please just follow me?"
I thought you wanted me
'Cause I can't stay with someone else
I'll try and suck it up
I just keep fucking up
I want you all to myself
Did you say, "Please just follow me?"
I thought you wanted me
'Cause I want you all to myself
I can try and suck it up
I just can't suck it up
Make me feel like someone else
Selena Gomez & The Scene - Love You Like a Love Song
It's been said and done
Every beautiful thought's been already sung
And I guess right now, here's another one
So your melody will play on and on
With the best of 'em
You are beautiful
Like a dream come alive, incredible
A centrefold miracle, lyrical
You saved my life again
Constantly
Boy, you play through my mind like a symphony
There's no way to describe what you do to me
You just do to me what you do
And it feels like I've been rescued
I've been set free
I am hypnotised by your destiny
You are magical, lyrical, beautiful, you are
No one compares
You stand alone to every record I own
Music to my heart, that's what you are
A song that goes on and on
Selena Gomez & The Scene - A Year Without Rain
Can you feel me when I think about you?
With every breath I take
Every minute, no matter what I do
My world is an empty place
Like I've been wanderin' the desert for a thousand days
Don't know if it's a mirage, but I always see your face, baby
I'm missin' you so much
Can't help it, I'm in love
A day without you is like a year without rain
I need you by my side
Don't know how I'll survive
A day without you is like a year without rain

III. Changing Modes of Making It: From Horatio Alger to the Happy Hooker
…
From “Self-Culture” to Self-Promotion through “Winning Images”
In the nineteenth century, the ideal of self-improvement degenerated into a cult of compulsive industry. P.T. Barnum, who made a fortune in a calling the very nature of which the Puritans would have condemned (“Every calling, whereby God will be Dishonored; every Calling whereby none but the Lusts of men are Nourished: …every such Calling is to be Rejected”), delivered many times a lecture frankly entitled “The Art of Money-Getting,” which epitomized the nineteenth-century conception of worldly success. Barnum quoted freely from Franklin but without Franklin’s concern for the attainment of wisdom or the promotion of useful knowledge. “Information” interested Barnum merely as a means of mastering the market. Thus he condemned the “false economy” of the farm wife who douses her candle at dusk rather than lighting another for reading, not realizing that the “information” gained through reading is worth far more than the price of the candles. “Always take a trustworthy newspaper,” Barnum advised young men on the make, “and thus keep thoroughly posted in regard to the transactions of the world. He who is without a newspaper is cut off from his species.”
Barnum valued the good opinion of others not as a sign of one’s usefulness but as a means of getting credit. “Uncompromising integrity of character is invaluable.” The nineteenth century attempted to express all values in monetary terms. Everything had its price. Charity was a moral duty because “the liberal man will command patronage, which the sordid, uncharitable miser will be avoided.” The sin of pride was not that it offended God but that it led to extravagant expenditures. “A spirit of pride and vanity, when permitted to have full sway, is the undying cankerworm which gnaws the very vitals of a man’s worldly possessions.”
The eighteenth century made a virtue of temperance but did not condemn moderate indulgence in the service of sociability. “Rational conversation,” on the contrary, appeared to Franklin and his contemporaries to represent an important value in its own right. The nineteenth century condemned sociability itself, on the grounds that it might interfere with business. “How many good opportunities have passed, never to return, while a man was sipping a ‘social glass’ with his friends!” Preachments on self-help now breathed the spirit of compulsive enterprise. Henry Ward Beecher defined “the beau ideal of happiness” as a state of mind in which “a man [is] so busy that he does not know whether he is or is not happy.” Russell Sage remarked that “work has been the chied, and you might say, the only source of pleasure in my life.”
Even at the height of the Gilded Age, however, the Protestant ethic did not completely lose its original meaning. In the success manuals, the McGuffey readers, the Peter Parley Books, and the hortatory writings of the great capitalists themselves, the Protestant virtues - industry, thrift, temperance - still appeared not merely as stepping-stones to success but as their own reward.
The spirit of self-improvement lived on, in debased form, in the cult of “self-culture” - proper care and training of mind and body, nurture of the mind through “great books,” development of “character.” The social contribution of individual accumulation still survived as an undercurrent in the celebration of success, and the social conditions of early industrial capitalism, in which the pursuit of wealth undeniably increased the supply of useful objects, gave some substance to the claim that “accumulated capital means progress.” In condemning speculation and extravagance, in upholding the importance of patient industry, in urging young men to start at the bottom and submit to “the discipline of daily life,” even the most unabashed exponents of self-enrichment clung to the notion that wealth derives its value from its contribution to the general good and to the happiness of future generations.
The nineteenth-century cult of success placed surprisingly little emphasis on competition. It measured achievement not against the achievements of others but against an abstract ideal of discipline and self-denial. At the turn of the century, however, preachments on success began to stress the will to win. The bureaucratization of the corporate career changed the conditions of self-advancement; ambitious young men now had to compete with their peers for the attention and approval of their superiors. The struggle to surpass the previous generation and to provide for the next gave way to a form of sibling rivalry, in which men of approximately equal abilities jostled against each other in competition for a limited number of places. Advancement now depended on “will-power, self-confidence, energy, and initiative” - the qualities celebrated in such exemplary writings as George Lorimer’s Letters from a Self-Made Merchant to His Son. ” By the end of the nineteenth century,” writes John Cawelti in his study of the success myth, “self-help books were dominated by the ethos of sales-manship and boosterism. Personal magnetism, a quality which supposedly enabled a man to influence and dominate others, became one of the major keys to success.” In 1907, both Lorimer’s Saturday Evening Post and Orison Swett Marden’s Success magazine inaugurated departments of instruction in the “art of conversation,” fashion, and “culture.” The management of interpersonal relations came to be seen as the essence of self-advancement. The captain of industry gave way to the confidence man, the master of impressions. Young men were told that they had to sell themselves in order to succeed.
At first, self-testing through competition remained almost in-distinguishable from moral self-discipline and self-culture, but the difference became unmistakable when Dale Carnegie and then Norman Vincent Peale restated and transformed the tradition of Mather, Franklin, Barnum, and Lorimer. As a formula for success, winning friends and influencing people had little in common with industry and thrift. The prophets of positive thinking disparaged “the old adage that hard work alone is the magic key that will unlock the door to our desires.” They praised the love of money, officially condemned even by the crudest of Gilded Age materialists, as a useful incentive. “You can never have riches in great quantities,” wrote Napoleon Hill in this Think and Grow Rich,” unless you can work yourself into a white heat of desire for money.” The pursuit of wealth lost the few shreds of moral meaning that still clung to it. Formerly the Protestant virtues appeared to have an independent value of their own. Even when they became purely instrumental, in the second half of the nineteenth century, success itself retained moral and social overtones, by virtue of its contribution to the sum of human comfort and progress. Now success appeared as an end in its own right, the victory over your competitors that alone retained the capacity to instill a sense of self-approval. The latest success manuals differ from earlier ones - even surpassing the cynicism of Dale Carnegie and Peale - in their frank acceptance of the need to exploit and intimidate others, in their lack of interest in the substance of success, and in the candor with which they insist that appearances - “winning images - count for more than performance, ascription for more than achievement. One author seems to imply that the self consists of little more than its “image” reflected in others’ eyes. “Although I’m not being original when I say it, I’m sure you’ll agree that the way you see yourself will reflect the image you portray to others.” Nothing succeeds like the appearance of success.
<The American Religion by Harold Bloom (California Orphism)>
The Apotheosis of Individualism
The fear that haunted the social critics and theorists of the fifties - that rugged individualism had succumbed to conformity and “love-pressure sociability” - appears in retrospect to have been premature. In 1960, David Riesman complained that young people no longer had much social “presence,” their education having provided them not with “a polished personality but [with] an affable, casual, adaptable one, suitable to the losing organizations of an affluent society.” It is true that “a present-oriented hedonism,” as Riseman went on the argue, has replaced the work ethic “among the very classes which in the earlier stages of industrialization were oriented toward the future, toward distant goals and delayed gratification.” But this hedonism is a fraud; the pursuit of pleasure disguises a struggle for power. Americans have not really become more sociable and cooperative, as the theorists of other-direction and conformity would like us to believe; they have merely become more adept at exploiting the conventions of interpersonal relations for their own benefit. Activities ostensibly undertaken purely for enjoyment often have the real object of doing others in. It is symptomatic of the underlying tenor of American life that vulgar terms for sexual intercourse also convey the sense of getting the better of someone, working him over, taking him in, imposing your will through guile, deception, or superior force. Verbs associated with sexual pleasure have acquired more than the usual overtones of violence and psychic exploitation. In the violent world of the ghetto, the language of which now pervades American society as a whole, the violence associated with sexual intercourse is directed with special intensity by men against women, specifically against their mothers. The language of ritualized aggression and abuse reminds those who use it that exploitation is the general rule and some form of dependence the common fate, that “the individual,” in Lee Rainwater’s words, “is not strong enough or adult enough to achieve his goal in a legitimate way, but is rather like a child, dependent on others who tolerate his childish maneuvers”; accordingly males, even adult males, often depend on women for support and nurture. Many of them have to pimp for a living, ingratiating themselves with a woman in order to pry money from her; sexual relations thus become manipulative and predatory. Satisfaction depends on taking what you want instead of waiting for what is rightfully yours to receive. All this enters everyday speech in language that connects sex with aggression and sexual aggression with highly ambivalent feelings about mothers.
In some ways middle-class society has become a pale copy of the black ghetto, as the appropriation of its language would lead us to believe. We do not need to minimize the poverty of the ghetto or the suffering inflicted by whites on blacks in order to see that the increasingly dangerous and unpredictable conditions of middle-class life have given rise to similar strategies for survival. Indeed the attraction of black culture for disaffected whites suggests that black culture now speaks to a general condition, the most important feature of which is a widespread loss of confidence in the future. The poor have always had to live for the present, but now a desperate concern for personal survival, sometimes disguised as hedonism, engulfs the middle class as well. Today almost everyone lives in a dangerous world from which there is little escape. International terrorism and blackmail, bombings, and hijackings arbitrarily affect the rich and poor alike. Crime, violence, and gang wars make cities unsafe and threaten to spread to the suburbs. Racial violence on the streets and in the schools creates an atmosphere of chronic tension and threatens to erupt at any time into full-scale racial conflict. Unemployment spreads from the poor the white-collar class, while inflation eats away the savings of those who hoped to retire in comfort. Much of what is euphemistically known as the middle class, merely because it dresses up to go to work, is now reduced to proletarian conditions of existence. Many white-collar jobs require no more skill and pay even less than blue-collar jobs, conferring little status or security. The propaganda of death and destruction, emanating ceaselessly from the mass media, adds to the prevailing atmosphere of insecurity. Far-flung famines, earthquakes in remote regions, distant wars and uprisings attract the same attention as events closer to home. The impression of arbitrariness in the reporting of disaster reinforces the arbitrary quality of experience itself, and the absence of continuity in the coverage of events, as today’s crisis yields to a new and unrelated crisis tomorrow, adds to the sense of historical discontinuity - the sense of living in a world in which the past holds out no guidance to the present and the future has become completely unpredictable.
Older conceptions of success presupposed a world in rapid motion, in which fortunes were rapidly won and lost and new opportunities unfolded every day. Yet they also presupposed a certain stability, a future that bore some recognizable resemblance to the present and the past. The growth of bureaucracy, the cult of consumption with its immediate gratifications, but above all the severance of the sense of historical continuity have transformed the Protestant ethic while carrying the underlying principles of capitalist society to their logical conclusion . The pursuit of self-interest, formerly identified with the rational pursuit of gain and the accumulation of wealth, has become a search for pleasure and psychic survival. Social conditions now approximate the vision of republican society conceived by the Marquis de Sade at the very outset of the republican epoch. In many ways the most farsighted and certainly the most disturbing of the prophets of revolutionary individualism, Sade defended unlimited self-indulgence as the logical culmination of the revolution in property relations - the only way to attain revolutionary brotherhood in its purest form. By regressing in his writings to the most primitive level of fantasy, Sade uncannily glimpsed the whole subsequent development of personal life under capitalism, ending not in revolutionary brotherhood but in a society of siblings that has outlived and repudiated its revolutionary origins.
Sade imagined a sexual utopia in which everyone has the right to everyone else, where human beings, reduced to their sexual organs, become absolutely anonymous and interchangeable. His ideal society thus reaffirmed the capitalist principle that human beings are ultimately reducible to interchangeable objects. It also incorporated and carried to a surprising new conclusion Hobbes’s discovery that the destruction of paternalism and the subordination of all social relations to the market had stripped away the remaining restraints and the mitigating illusions from the war of all against all. In the resulting state of organized anarchy, as Sade was the first to realize, pleasure becomes life’s only business - pleasure, however, that is indistinguishable from rape, murder, unbridled aggression. In a society that has reduced reason to mere calculation, reason can impose no limits on the pursuit of pleasure - on the immediate gratification of every desire no matter how perverse, insane, criminal, or merely immoral. For the standards that would condemn crime or cruelty derive from religion, compassion, or the kind of reason that rejects purely instrumental applications; and none of these outmoded forms of thought or feeling has any logical place in a society based on commodity production. In his misogyny, Sade perceived that bourgeois enlightenment, carried to its logical conclusions, condemned even the sentimental cult of womanhood and the family, which the bourgeoisie itself had carried to unprecedented extremes.
At the same time, he saw that condemnation of “woman-worship” had to go hand in hand with a defense of woman’s sexual rights - their right to dispose of their own bodies, as feminists would put it today. If the exercise of that right in Sade’s utopia boils down to the duty to become an instrument of someone else’s pleasure, it was not so much because Sade hated women as because he hated humanity. He perceived, more clearly than the feminists, that all freedoms under capitalism come in the end to the same thing, the same universal obligation to enjoy and be enjoyed. In the same breath, and without violating his own logic, Sade demanded for women the right “fully to satisfy all their desires” and “all parts of their bodies” and categorically stated that “all women must submit to our pleasure.” Pure individualism thus issued in the most radical repudiation of individuality. “All men, all women resemble each other,” according to Sade; and to those of his countrymen who would become republicans he adds this ominous warning: “Do not think you can make good republicans so long as you isolated in their families the children who should belong to the republic alone.” The bourgeois defense of privacy culminates - not just in Sade’s thought but in the history to come, so accurately foreshadowed in the very excess, madness, infantilism of his ideas - in the most thoroughgoing attack on privacy; the glorification of the individual, in his annihilation.
<…>
Standing-Reserve.
Note a lack of the “Greek” in Lasch.
Visions of Excess: Selected Writings, 1927-1939 by Georges Bataille, Edited by A. Stoekl, Translated by A. Stoekl, C.R. Lovitt, and D.M. Leslie Jr.
<…>

This is from ChatGPT. Tell me if it's correct. I asked: "Rank all the terrains, and include the numbers next to them indicating what they would produce in food and production if settled on."
Let's rank the terrains based on their potential production bonuses when settling a city:

1. Marsh (With Fertilizer):
   - Production: 2
   - Food: 0
   - Notes: Marsh tiles, when improved with the Fertilizer technology, can provide the highest production yield of any terrain.
   

​

1. Floodplains:
   - Production: 1 (Without Fresh Water), 2 (With Fresh Water)
   - Food: 3 (Without Fresh Water), 4 (With Fresh Water)
   - Notes: Floodplains provide high food yields, especially when settled near fresh water sources like rivers. They also offer decent production potential.
   

​

1. Hills:
   - Production: 3 (With Mine)
   - Food: 1
   - Notes: Hills provide high production yields when improved with a mine. They are suitable for cities focusing on production or military units.
   

​

1. Plains (With Wheat):
   - Production: 1
   - Food: 4
   - Notes: Plains tiles with wheat resources provide high food yields, making them suitable for growth-focused cities.
   

​

1. Grassland (With Wheat):
   - Production: 1
   - Food: 3
   - Notes: Grassland tiles with wheat resources provide decent food yields, although slightly lower than floodplains.
   

​

1. Forest (With Lumber Mill):
   - Production: 2
   - Food: 0
   - Notes: Forest tiles, when improved with a lumber mill, offer decent production yields. They are suitable for cities focusing on production.
   

​

1. Plains:
   - Production: 1
   - Food: 2
   - Notes: Plains tiles provide moderate food yields and can support a balanced city focusing on both production and growth.
   

​

1. Desert (With Oasis):
   - Production: 1
   - Food: 3
   - Notes: Desert tiles with oasis improvements provide moderate food yields, making them viable for settling in arid regions.
   

​

1. Tundra (With Deer):
   - Production: 1
   - Food: 3
   - Notes: Tundra tiles with deer resources provide moderate food yields, suitable for settling in colder regions.
   

​

1. Coast:
   - Production: 1 (With Fishing Boats)
   - Food: 1 (With Fishing Boats)
   - Notes: Coastal tiles provide access to maritime resources and trade routes, offering balanced food and production potential.
   

​

1. Desert:
   - Production: 1
   - Food: 1
   - Notes: Desert tiles have low natural yields but may contain valuable resources such as oases or strategic positioning.
   

​

1. Tundra:
   - Production: 1
   - Food: 1
   - Notes: Tundra tiles have low natural yields but may contain resources such as deer or strategic positioning.
   

​

1. Snow:
   - Production: 0
   - Food: 0
   - Notes: Snow tiles have the lowest natural yields and are generally less suitable for settling unless they contain valuable resources.
   

Is this right?
(it would not format correctly. this took forever.)

This is the first time I have written something of this length, and is more of an exercise in self-therapy than anything else. Disclaimer: This story contains conversations about child abuse. Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoy it.
Nathan’s number appeared on my phone screen. I debated whether or not to answer it. We hadn’t been on speaking terms for a while, and while we did keep in touch sporadically, it was usually because of important family issues. I didn’t know of anything happening with mom or dad, nor with Talia or Rio, so I let it go to voicemail. I could always call him back later. I placed the phone back in my pocket, and returned to cleaning my camera. The phone buzzed again. A text message came through. I read the preview line from the home screen. “The city declared eminent domain on the house” I unlocked my phone, read the full text message, and dialed my brother.
I wasn't able to get any closer to the house than a few blocks. Most of the area was blocked off with chain link fencing and construction equipment in preparation for the demolition that was supposed to take place within the coming days. The barriers didn’t prevent people from walking in to the neighborhood, but it hindered scrappers from coming in and stripping the houses of copper wiring and plumbing.
I grabbed my camera bag out of the trunk of my car along with my tripod. I shouldered it and hooked the tripod to my bag. I pulled my water bottle out of the center console and shut the door. I stood next to my car surveying the neighborhood. 12 city blocks of old single family homes comprised the neighborhood where I grew up. Some of the houses had been empty for months, others for years. There was an eerie silence that permeated the still air. I could not hear the familiar sounds of people, pets, or cars. I locked the car and put my keys in my pocket. I patted my jacket down to ensure I had what I needed. After a quick check, I started my walk.
The sidewalk of the old neighborhood streets still bore the familiar cracks and grind marks from years of buckling and remedy. Leaves dropped by the trees still lay scattered all along the pathways and sidewalk. Korina’s house was the first house I encountered as I made my way through a gap in the fence. The yard was overgrown with tall grass and thistle. I could see the faded blue paint of the old house contrasting the green and browns of the lawn. The chain link fence that marked off the corner property was nearly invisible through the thick brush. As I continued walking west towards 110th, I started to feel something was off. The streets seemed wider than I remembered. It took me longer than I’d like to admit, but eventually I realized what was different. There were no cars.
The streets here typically had cars lined bumper to bumper in any spot available, and were visible from block to block. The absence of all these vehicles made me realize just how deserted the neighborhood really was. House after house, yard after yard, the telltale signs of desertion reinforced what I could see from the moment I passed the construction fence: This was no longer my neighborhood. There were no signs of life, and no one I could expect to find still here. Abandonment was the new normal here. I continued on, glancing at houses and recalling memories of summer bike rides, and daily walks with dogs I used to have. I remembered walks home from school, and chasing after ice cream trucks when they passed our houses. I smiled a bit as I remembered more and more of my years spent here. I don’t quite know just why I was smiling. There were plenty of bad memories here too. Fights, yelling, being beat up, being robbed. I could remember failed friendships, lost loves, and bitter feelings of failures too.
Still, I felt a certain amount of nostalgia despite the weight of these negative feelings. I almost wanted to experience everything again, although I wasn't sure why I was feeling this way. Concrete, asphalt, billboards and liquor stores were the normal vistas of everyday life. Occasionally, after a good rainstorm, the grey haze of smog would lift, and the mountains would be visible to the north. At least, they would be visible until mid-morning when the exhaust from a million cars covered them behind a veil of pollution.
It wasn’t until the first time I travelled out of the city that I realized there was more to see. Traveling up the coast north along the Pacific Coast Highway introduced me to scenes of deep blue ocean water spanning the width of my vision. Driving up Highway 3 introduced me to the permeating scent of Pine and Fir trees. The two-lane stretch of highway from Portland to Tillamook introduced me to lush green forests that I had only ever read about. When I came home to the same old dirty, dusty concrete and boiling summer asphalt, I had made up my mind. I would do everything it took to leave this place. I would not spend another day longer than was necessary living in cramped quarters and fighting for parking space.
I arrived to the house, and paused at the gate. The house sat in contrast of what the rest of the neighborhood looked like. Instead of overgrown grass and tall weeds all over the place, the landscaping showed signs of relatively recent work. The guava tree in the front lawn still had some fruit ready to be picked, and the avocado tree on the other side of the pathway was still weighed down by its own fruit. Flowers still bloomed in the raised bed in front of the house. My brother had clearly tried to keep up on things until the last possible moment. The house, too, looked better than what I expected after walking up 4 blocks and seeing nothing but dilapidated houses and unkempt yards. I opened the gate and walked up to the small porch. The metal gate that enclosed it was gone having been removed by my brother when he took over the property. It looked nice to see it open instead of the cage it once felt like.
I turned the knob on the door, but it didn't give. Ever a creature of habit, my brother had locked the door when he left. Of course, he did. I sighed and prepared to find another way in when I remembered my parents hiding a spare key. I wasn’t sure if it would still be there, but after running my hands along the back side of the gutter downspout, I was rewarded for my efforts. I unlocked the front door and stepped into the front living room, the sounds of my footsteps and the closing door echoing in the empty space. The room felt both larger and smaller than I remembered it. I suppose it was lack of furniture that made it feel larger, but it still felt smaller than I remember. The result of growing taller throughout the years I suppose. I slowly walked along the slate tile floor towards the central hallway that connected the front of the house to the back bedrooms. I wasn't entirely sure that just because the front door was locked, that there wasn't some squatter looking for a little temporary shelter within the back rooms. I carefully and silently crept step by step towards what used to be the bedroom shared by my sister and me. I stuck my head in and gave the room a cursory glance. It was empty, thankfully. I moved back into the hallway and peered into the bedroom across the hall. This is where both of my brothers had shared a room. It too, was empty save for a few boxes holding hardware and doorknobs from the closet doors of the bedroom. I walked back towards the back of the house where my parent's bedroom was. The walls in the hallway bore the dusty signs where picture once hung. The bedroom door was open. I stepped inside, and looked around. The old avocado paint that my mom had picked out years ago still adorned the walls. Walking further towards the addition that was the small room my grandma and grandpa lived in showed that there was no one here. I breathed a sigh of relief as I set my bag down and set up my tripod. I reached into my bag a pulled out an envelope of old photos. These were old snapshots that we had all taken at some point in time in the house. There were pictures of all of us sitting at the dining room table playing a game of Monopoly. There was a picture of my brother and sister sitting on a couch in the front living room. There was a picture of me hanging on the bars of the front porch. I looked through them all and held them in place in front of me as if I were holding a window to the past.
Each picture made the lump in my throat grow as I started to struggle to control my emotions. There was history here, and soon it would all be gone. This is the place where my parents had raised four kids. They had taken care of my grandparents in their twilight years here. My Aunt and my grandmother had both died in this house. Birthdays, graduation parties, and anniversaries had been celebrated here. The echoes of life had reverberated within the walls of this place. Now, the house sat silent. It would never again know happy screams of kids having a water-balloon war out in the front yard, nor would it hear the cries of anguish as the matriarch of the family passed away surrounded by her family. What once was a home full of life was now just an empty house made of drywall and paint. I sat there for a moment contemplating just how much family history was actually made here. As I thought hard about my siblings and my parents, I felt pained at the thought of our strained relationships. We had all scattered once we had the opportunity to be free of each other. My oldest brother had married and moved away as soon as possible. My sister now lived in northern California. My parents too had moved away. I was now living in Utah. Only my older brother had remained behind. The lump grew larger in my throat as tears welled up in my eyes. I held back sobs of anger and pain. Why was I hurting? Hadn’t I dealt with these issues already? I walked back to my old bedroom and sat down under the window. I pulled my head down into my knees and cried. I could hear yelling and screaming in my head. Shouting matches between siblings and parents, brothers and sister, rattled inside my brain, making the pain grow. I sat there and cried. I hadn’t cried like this in a long time. Eventually I ran out of tears and tired gasps of sorrow and regret washed over me as a blanket of drowsiness enveloped me. I leaned my head back and fell asleep.
I woke up to the sound of footsteps. It took me a moment to realize what I was hearing and hurriedly stood up. Had someone followed me? I knew the police were patrolling the area sporadically. Had they seen me enter the house? I knew there would be a possibility of getting a trespassing citation, but I figured I could either talk my way out of it seeing as to how I was a former resident, or I could probably fight the citation in court if the judge knew why I was there in the first place. Ultimately, passing through the gate had been a calculated risk that I was willing to take for the sake of my art. I got up from my corner of the room and moved towards the door. If there was someone in the house, I needed to know. I didn’t want my gear to stolen, and if there was a cop in the house, I wanted to ensure I didn’t get shot.
I was greeted by the sight of a startled chubby boy standing on the other side of the door. His round cherubic face was crowned by a head of short curly hair. His hazel green eyes stared widely back at me. He clearly didn’t expect someone to be here in the house. His body recoiled in fear as he cowered back towards the hallway. “Wait, what are you doing here?” I asked as non-threateningly as I could. The boy muttered something that I couldn’t quite make out. “What did you say? I couldn’t hear you” I replied. “Are you here to rob us?” he timidly responded. “Rob you? What are you talking about?” I asked as confusion set in. “What are you doing here?” It was his turn to be confused. “Uh…I….live here?” he replied. “What do you mean you live here? No one lives-“I stopped midsentence. I hadn’t noticed in my initial shock but the room wasn’t the same. A familiar blue couch caught the corner of my eye. In front of that was an old console TV with a partially broken antenna hanging on the wall behind it. I walked further in to the living room to notice wood paneling on the walls. A large mirror hung on the wall to my left. Familiar yellow lamps sat on round drop-leaf tables on either side of the couch. A large hutch sat in one corner, a collection of letters and bills, mail advertisements, and a phone book covered scattered over it. “What just happened?” I asked out loud to no one in particular. I was thoroughly mystified by what my eyes were seeing. I had walked into the house from the front door and had stepped into an empty white room with slate floor tiles, but somehow now found myself in a furnished room with brown carpet that was all so familiar to me, yet was nothing but a distant faded memory. I turned to look at the boy still startled by the intrusion of a strange man looking wildly around the room in total shock.
“You can take what you want, just please let me go. I don’t want problems.” He stated his voice still shrill with anxiety. I blinked a few times as I tried to process just what the heck was going on. I gathered my thoughts as best I could and tried to reassure him. “Kid, I’m not here to rob anyone. I was just-“I shook my head “Where the hell am I? Am I having a dream?” I asked myself. “I must be dreaming. I’m just tired and still sleeping. This is all a dream. Yeah, that’s it.” I needed to sit down. Being back in the old house must have overtaxed my senses, I told myself. I’d having a dream about an old memory. I walked over to the chair next to the couch and sat down. I sunk into it and rested my head back towards the wall.
The boy kept his distance, but sensed I wasn’t there to hurt him. He looked me over with anxious curiosity. He stood at the far end of the couch, examining me while he played out scenarios in his head in preparation for a quick exit. “Why are you in my house?” he asked me. “Dude, this is all just a dream I’m having. I’m not really here.” He reached over to the couch and picked up a pillow. He reared his arm and threw it at me. It landed in my lap. “I don’t know, man. You sure seem to be here.” He said to me. I opened my eyes, startled. I looked down at the pillow he tossed and examined it. I ran my hand over the fabric and felt its texture. I remember this pillow. This was the pillow I would roll under my head as I lay on the couch and watched TV as a kid. A sudden realization hit me as I looked around the room with fresh eyes. No longer was I blinded by the fog of confusion. I knew exactly where I was.
I was home.
I looked at the boy still standing at the edge of the couch. I looked him over and realized who he actually was. I stared in disbelief as I smiled and tried to put him at ease. “It’s ok Johnny. I’m not here to hurt you. No one is going to hurt you. Please, sit down” I told him. I motioned to his end of the couch. “Who are you, and why are you here?” he asked me.
“This will be hard to believe, but I’m you” I said with an incredulous tone, “I’m not sure how I ended up here, but I’m here.” He looked at me as I had grown a second head. “That doesn’t make any sense. How could you be me? Did we invent time travel? Oh! Are we secret government agents with the CIA?”
I chuckled. “Wait, wait, wait. Let’s start at the beginning. I’m you at 38 years old. You’re…what, 11… 12 years old? It makes sense. I fell asleep under the window in my- our old bedroom. I didn’t come here on purpose or in a machine. And no, I’m not a government agent.” His face contorted to display understanding, disappointment and finally suspicion. His eyes narrowed as he leaned in towards me. “How do I know you’re really me?” he asked. I thought about it for a moment. How could I prove to him that I was who I said I was? A few seconds of silence settled between us. I stroked my chin, thinking of a solution.
“I have a better idea. Ask me questions that only you know the answers to.” “Okay” he responded. He glanced around the room trying to come up with something. His eyes fixated on the Nintendo sitting under the TV cabinet. “What game do me and Nathan have a map of?” I looked over at the NES. I hadn’t thought about this for years, but I knew instantly what he was asking. “YOU don’t have anything. Nathan is the one that made the map for Section Z” His jaw dropped. He tried to trick me, but his plan failed. He knew well and good that Nathan never let him play. It was always ‘I’ll let you play when I die’ or, ‘you can play when I’m done’. The problem was that he never followed through. Usually by the time Nathan was done, the NES was overheated, and the game would no longer load until it cooled down. By that point, it was time for bed.
“How do you know that?” he asked in astonishment. “I know these things because I’m you. Just like I know that you wear t-shirts to the pool because you’re embarrassed by what others will think of your body. I know that you used to think that people that die off in movies were prisoners that were set to be executed from death row, so they used them for making movies. I know all about you because I’m you”
Johnny sat on the end of the couch in bewilderment, his mouth slightly agape. He had never told anyone any of this. He didn’t have any close friends to talk to about such things, and those friends he did have were more acquaintances than friends. There was only one way he could possibly know these things. He was talking to his future self.
I could see Johnny’s mind completely explode. There lay endless possibility and the answers to a million questions he could ask about his own future. He started to ask a question, only to stop, close his mouth, and try asking another. I knew if he kept this up he would have a stroke or something. “Dude, calm yourself. Let’s talk this out rationally, otherwise you’ll end up stroking out or something.” I told him. He took a deep breath and I could hear him muttering quietly. I knew he was trying to form a coherent sentence before he actually spoke it. I did it all the time. “Ok, first of all, are we rich?” he asked with tempered expectation. I chuckled and grinned back at him. “No, not at all. If I was rich, would I be dressed like this?” I replied as I motioned to my beat up brown Vans and worn out jeans and T-shirt. “We-, I – make enough to get by. I’m not poor, but I earn enough to pay the bills.” His face grew a smirk as he commented “Yeah, I figured. What do I do for work? I mean, what do you do for work?” I thought about it for a second. I wondered how much information I should divulge to a younger me. I still didn’t think this whole situation was really happening, but if it was, I probably should proceed with caution. “Well, it’s complicated. I do a little bit of everything. You know how you’re constantly taking things apart? Let’s just say that it’s good to put them back together in order to keep them working. Take good notes on paper if you need to, and make sure you have a clean work area so you can keep track of all the parts.” He gave me a sheepish look. He knew exactly what I was talking about. I had spent countless hours sneaking dad’s tools to my room so I could figure out how something was built and try to figure out how it worked. I had gotten myself into some pretty bad trouble with dad over a drill, his timing light, and other stuff I had taken from his room. His belt had become quite familiar with my butt cheeks.
I gave him a knowing smile. “What else do you want to know?” He thought about it for a second. “Do we have a girlfriend?” I laughed, probably a little more than I should have because his face contorted into a sour frown. “You don’t need to be a jerk about it” he scowled. I continued to chuckle. “Yeah we have a girlfriend. We have more than a girlfriend” I could tell he was irritated with my vague indirect answers. I knew what he was asking. I remember the crush I had on my neighbor across the street. We had been friends since kindergarten, and had been classmates for 1st, 2nd, and 4th grades. We got along really well, and I knew from around 12 or 13 that I wanted to be her boyfriend. Unfortunately, things never progressed beyond the ‘just friends’ stage of things. It wasn’t from lack of effort on my part. We had just grown up together most of our lives that she didn’t see me as anything more than a brother and friend. “Dude, look. You just started to go through changes and you are starting to notice girls, but that doesn’t mean that you need to love every girl that shows you a little kindness or subtle interest. You need to slow down and let things happen naturally. You can’t force a relationship with someone.” Johnny pondered these words for a moment. I sat back and put my feet up on the coffee table. I looked around the room some more while I waited for another question. There was so much I had forgotten, but being back here had unlocked more and more memories that continued to wash over me. I was trying to hold on to my cool as not all those churned up recollections were pleasant. I stood up and walked over to the front door to peer outside the small central window embedded into the center of it. I could see the old neighborhood as I remembered it all those years ago. The lot across the street that served as a parking area for those that worked at the wheel works at the end of the block was empty of cars. I furrowed my brow as I thought for a moment. An empty lot meant it was afterhours or the weekend.
The gears in my own head started turning. “Wait, where is everyone?” I asked Johnny. Johnny turned to look at me still processing my last response. “Uh..oh, Mom and dad are out of town. They took a trip east this time. I think Rio said they are in Arizona right now. Rio and Nathan went out to get some food and to rent some movies from Video Showcase. Knowing them they’ll eat out first. Talia is staying over at Tia Rosie’s place today with her friends.” I grunted at his response. My mind was wandering as he mentioned Talia and Tia Rosie.
A sudden sharp pain pieced my heart. The pain of a thousand memories now unsealed spilled out from the box I had locked them away in. Tears welled in the corners of my eyes as I turned back to look at Johnny. He felt it too. He stared at the floor with an intensity that made me think it would burst into flames at any moment. I walked back over to him and sat next to him. He didn’t move. I placed my hand on his shoulder, and he threw himself into me. I could feel the tears dripping onto me as he sobbed intensely. “Hey man, its ok. It’s going to be ok.” I said as my own tears started to flow uncontrollably. I pulled him close and draped my other arm around him.
I knew the pain he was feeling. It was such a heavy burden, and I knew there was no one he felt he could talk to. I remembered it all so vividly. We sat there for what seemed to be an eternity. When we finally stopped sobbing, and our noses ran dry, we tried to breathe our way through to calmness. I got up and knelt in front of him. “Johnny, listen to me and remember what it is that I’m about to say to you. You are stronger than you think. You are stronger than you believe. NO ONE should ever have to go through this. Just because it happened to Talia, doesn’t mean you have to put up with it any longer. I know you didn’t think it was wrong, but I’m telling you that what she is doing to you is wrong. Talking to mom and dad isn’t going to make them hate you. You are not doing this to her, she is doing it to you. I’m not making excuses for her, but she is also more damaged than anyone realizes, and she is also dealing with the same level of pain you are. Remember that we do unto others what has been done to us. That doesn’t mean we need to continue the cycle of abuse” The lump in my throat grew immense at my own statement. I swallowed it as best I could and continued “You are going to deal with this pain a little bit at a time, and you’ll slowly get over this. It’s like a broken bone. When it happens, you don’t realize how bad the pain is until the adrenaline wears off, but then the immense pain is there. Just remember that this will pass. Just like a broken bone, you will heal over time, and one day, you will realize that the pain is gone and the bone is no longer broken. You’ll remember the pain, but it won’t hurt anymore.”
Johnny sat there in stunned silence. I knew he didn’t have anyone to help him through this. He couldn’t talk to Rio or Nathan about what was going on. Mom and Dad were constantly working to keep the family fed and sheltered and while they provided materially for their kids, emotional help was less available. Perhaps it was due to their energies being divided into 4 kids, a mortgage and multiple jobs, or perhaps it was also the culture of not talking about problems. Either way, they needed to know what was happening. They wouldn’t be able to fix it otherwise. “They’re going to be mad at me” he finally said after a few moments of silence. “No they won’t be. They love us all. I know you’re not used to hearing it, but they do love you. Everything they do is because of their love for us. This isn’t your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong. Telling them isn’t going to cause them to be angry.” I thought for a moment to find a good analogy. “You love Odie and Lady, right?” He nodded in agreement. “Ok, how would you feel if you knew someone you trusted was coming to the house and beating up our dogs when we weren’t around?” He thought about it for a second before his face changed to anger. “I’d want to kill them!” “Yes, but would you also feel sad that you weren’t there to try to protect them?” I reasoned. His face changed again. He understood what I was saying. Mom and Dad would be angry, but not necessarily at him. They would also feel a great sadness knowing that someone was hurting their child.
I smiled at him. He understood. I nodded. “Dude…You’re going to come to understand that life is not what you think it will be. Life is messy and can change in an instant. The plans you make today may not make it to next week. A lifelong goal can be derailed because of something out of your control. Mom and dad have spent their life protecting us with the goal of keeping us safe, but circumstances out of their control have affected their kids, and now we- you all have to deal with the fallout. Just remember that you are not the culprit. Yes, mom and dad will be hurt and angry, but not at you. Trust them. They don’t do things to hurt us” Johnny hugged me. I- He didn’t have many people he could trust and open up to. He liked to talk a lot about everything going on in his life, no matter how trivial. Everything, except this. This was a shameful topic, and he didn’t feel like anyone would understand why he didn’t go to an adult sooner. The problem was simple. He simply didn’t understand that it was wrong. Now that he had an adult that he could talk to, himself no less, he wanted to lift this burden off his shoulders. He was happy to have found someone and he hugged me tightly. I hugged him back just at tightly. It wasn’t every day that I could meet my younger self and help to comfort them. “Thank you” he said to me.
The world darkened, and everything faded to black.
I lifted my head out of my knees and looked around. I was sitting under the window in my old bedroom again. Had I fallen asleep? I pulled my phone out of my pocket and checked the time. I was emotionally drained and incredibly tired. I hadn’t had sleep like that in years. I got to my feet and looked around the room briefly before walking out to mom and dad’s old room. I grabbed my camera and slowly walked the house, snapping picture after picture. The only sound to be heard was the sound of the camera shutter and my soft footsteps. I thought about my dream as I took pictures.
Upon entering my room, a random memory hit me.
The stash.
I was pretty sure I had taken the hidden box when I moved out all those years ago, but since I was here, I should double check. Heading into the closet, I pushed the panel that led to the attic space out of the way and peered in. I couldn’t see anything, so I reached up there to feel around. The box was indeed gone. I felt around for a few more seconds and was surprised to feel what felt like a thick envelope. I didn’t remember leaving anything up there, but after pulling it down and giving it a cursory glance, I figured it was an old envelope of lost love letters. It wasn’t until I blew off the thick layer of dust that I realized what I was holding. It was a letter. Not just any letter. It was addressed to me.
Under the now semi-cleared layer of dust were the words “To be opened by future me”. I looked at it for a few moments before opening it. I couldn’t remember making this at all, much less storing it up in my secret hiding spot. If ever I hid something, it was in the stash box. My hands shook a bit as I started to open the envelope and pulled out the yellowed pages inside. I started reading.
"Dear Future John. I have spent the last few years remembering a dream I had when I was younger. Life was…difficult at that time, and I spent a lot of time escaping my reality by reading a lot of books and watching a lot of TV. On the off-chance that what I think is a dream really happened. I wanted to write some things down in an effort to give you my thanks. I merely consider myself a conveyer of thanks, although I will pile on my own thanks to you for your words of encouragement. I remember finding a stranger in the house one day while I was home alone. I was afraid he was there to hurt me at first, but after a few moments, I came to realize I was meeting myself. Well, I was meeting me, but from the future. I think he said he was in his 40’s, but I couldn’t tell you with any certainty. Either way, we talked. We talked about life, and what the future held in store for us…
Mostly though, we talked about the abuse. Well, Talked is being generous. We cried, and then we talked. I don’t remember exactly what he told me, but I remember how he made me feel. He made me feel safe. I felt like I could trust him. Trust myself. In the end, he gave me the courage to stand up for myself both at home and at school. He also gave me the courage to talk to mom and dad about what was going on between me and Talia. I do remember being afraid that I would be punished, but he reassured me that they wouldn’t, and that they loved me.
It was a difficult and awkward conversation, but in the end, arrangements were made for me to share a room with Rio and Nathan. I didn’t have much of a relationship with Talia for a long while, but after some years, we managed to patch things up. She apologized to me, and I came to understand the abuse she herself was subjected to by so-called family friends. She didn’t tell me this in an effort to excuse it, but to merely help give me closure to a difficult time from my own childhood. Mom and dad promised to be more attentive to us and we sort of established what I guess you would call an open door policy. We talk more about stuff that’s happening in our lives. Mom is much easier to talk to now. Dad is a little more patient with us too. I apologized to them for not coming to them sooner, and dad gave me a “nugget of wisdom” that I think I’ll live by: We can’t fix what we don’t know is broken. I’ve tried to make sure I talk to them when something is wrong, and I’ve tried to implement that in my life so I don’t have problems with other people.
I’m trying to grow up to be a good guy. I want to have good relationships with people. Nathan says I’m turning into a people pleaser, but I don’t necessarily see that as a terrible thing. I know when to say no to someone. Well, either way, I wanted to make sure I thank you for the help you gave us. I probably won’t remember writing this, but I hope I do find it again someday. Here’s hoping I turn into the man I feel you are. -John Age 16."
I stared at the letter, the words blurring as tears welled up in my eyes. I quickly brushed them away as I quietly spoke to no one in particular. “Thanks guys. I hope I live up to your expectations” I folded the letter, placed it in my pocket, and walked out of the room. After picking up my backpack and tripod, I silently walked towards the front door, my footsteps echoing in the empty house. I turned to look back at the empty living room one last time, and after a moment, I walked out.

I've lived here for almost seven years and previously lived in NYC and Chicago. I am not looking to debate the pros and cons of major cities. I like the Southern California climate and I don't see myself leaving the area any time soon. What I am looking for are strategies to cope with the constant traffic.
My commute to work is between eight to ten miles and up to 30-some minutes in traffic. Up until a few weeks ago, I rode a motorcycle. It is LA's greatest hack, but after several close calls, and some gruesome first-hand witnessing of fellow dead riders, I decided to call it quits.
Years of filtering and riding gave me insight into how many LA drivers deal with traffic – mostly they are on their phones. I had to be hyper-aware of the drivers around me to survive on two wheels. Now that I am in a car everyday, I am struggling to adapt. Even in non-peak hours like between 11 AM and 1:15 PM, traffic is there, in your face waiting to eat up your life.
When I mean traffic, I mean, slow 5-20 mph drudge of cars merging, waiting a lights, rolling through stop signs, moving without purpose, etc. Of course, a shout out to those folks who are in a rush and must must must tailgate you while flippantly treating the experience like a video game to defeat. You see them dance about making little to no progress to overcome traffic. From the looks of it, most of them, like 98% of them, don't have the skills to drive like a race car driver. The real kicker is that anyone on the road is liable to turn into one of these rush hour rushers like a disease that spreads randomly.
Interestingly, I feel just as unsafe now in a car than on the motorcycle. It is irrational, I know. I feel trapped without options to pass by the fellow zombie commuters who look like they plan on hitting my rear bumper or the ones merging onto me because – why not. At least on two wheels, I could get away into the crevices as cars trudged along. I spend my time eyeing those around me in short glances, like a CIA secret agent, keeping tabs on everyone and what they are up to, and I do this just to survive on the road for a 20 minutes. Why is everyone on their phones? People can barely walk and talk and swipe up,down, or text, but operating a motor vehicle is fine.
Am I losing my mind here? Who is to blame? Is it your maps app that shows red everywhere and time to distance creeping up every second - tik tok tik tok. Is it your tik tok videos going unwatched? Is it a lack of respect on the road? There are studies that show, traffic as a system requires rational agents who act somewhat selfishly to move the traffic along. Is LA's road infrastructure just badly designed? Too many people?
Either way, I am open to hearing any suggestions on how to deal with the commute and traffic in general. By the way, I have an electric car with all the safety features. I've also lived in several parts of the greater LA and at one point only a few miles from work. Maybe the problem is me. I expect too much and I should temper my expectations. But, I remember the days, the years, the times before pocket computers and I think it was a better commuting era. Who knows, maybe I am just an aging millenial, and feeling that existential angst that comes with not being young and naive that the world can change – and that I have some control.

I'll be playing a Ranger in a Level 8 campaign and just finally conjured a backstory for an urban fantasy. I have never played a Ranger nor Druid either; I just developed an idea to roleplay as a detective with an affinity to crows. She left the farm for the city to abandon her family's high expectations and choose her own fate.
Occupation-wise, prior to becoming a detective, I have no idea (fashion designer, socialite, contract spy, something). I just have that the crows would leave her feathers which she used to adorn a dress. This character is not necessarily of the woodsy/backwoods, away for the civilization type either, but do fight alongside her crows.
My main issue is balancing both optimization and flavor; the character has a 20 in Dexterity and 16 in Wisdom, but it appears I'd either have to chip away at AC or spell saves. Anyway here's the backstory:
"Forever connected to the black corvids that fascinated and comforted her as a child, she is now indebted to the ominous avian breed as an adult.
A woman born from a famous lineage of Rangers, Morrigan Prue was no stranger to high expectations, to which she always failed to meet as the family maverick. She never had a voice of her own either, chained to the fate of becoming the next hunter in line.
Morrigan knew this wasn't her calling, longing to be as free and capable as the crows that sail the clouds. For every bird she fed, a feather would be left behind, and eventually each crow would return day by day, leaving more feathers for Morrigan's collection.
Eventually as soon as Morrigan was an adult, she left grassland home behind for the urban sceneries of Citadelphia, with feathers in tow. As she approached the farm gate, cawing from above alerted her attention as the crows descended onto the gate railings. Morrigan smiled before she opened the gates, and the crows ascended again, this time following her to lead.
She knew she was in good hands."

Wonder Woman #78: Eclipse

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Author: Predaplant
Books: Wonder Woman
Arc: Season 3: Darkness
Set: 96
Diana stared out at the horizon. She flew high above the ground. Isolated. Alone.
She watched the land below her, as far as she could see, looking for any signs of conflict, of combat. Of anything that looked abnormal at all, really. She couldn’t be too sure.
The land was crowded, busy. People had travelled halfway across the world to see what was about to happen in the sky above Diana.
But that just made it all the more dangerous.
Diana steeled herself, focused even more strongly.
The sky started to go dark.
“Seems like nothing yet,” came a voice through Diana’s earpiece, from back home in Gateway City.
Diana’s wife Chloe watched each of her displays, waiting. One thing she had gotten better at over her time as the Justice League’s coordinator was minimizing the amount of typing, clicking, and dragging that she had to do. Learning how to let the information come to her, rather than make her have to go to it, really helped her have time to process major events and effectively co-ordinate the team.
But those physical motions helped to stave away the fear, in a way. Helped her feel like she could control something, even in the times where there wasn’t much for her to actually do. Now, she sat in front of her computer, completely focused on the screen to leap into action as soon as she did start to receive reports that seemed to indicate an issue.
It felt like she was on a roller coaster, climbing the first hill, blindfolded.
As much as she had tempered her mind, had learned to quell that fear, it still poked and prodded at the back of her mind.
“Totality starts in five minutes,” Chloe called out to everybody listening. The Justice League, the Titans, Cassie’s squad, and a number of other heroes who Chloe had gotten into contact with all formed a slim band across the continent, watching the line of the eclipse.
Chloe knew that there was a chance the Dark Gods would completely overwhelm them all. They had a lot of power on their side, sure, but they couldn’t be everywhere at once. At the same time, she knew there was a chance this would all be for nothing, and there wasn’t even going to be an attack.
Hard to say for sure.
She crossed her fingers as she continued to watch for notifications.
The timer ticked down, slowly, second by second.
“Totality starts now, everybody! Keep an eye open!”
In the skies above Mexico, Diana kept her head on a swivel. The sky around her had gone dark, light swallowed up by the eclipse, but Diana’s eyes were still sharp enough to make out fine details on ground level below her. She scanned all the people looking up at the sky, but none seemed to be swept up in anything supernatural or unseemly.
Chloe’s voice came through her earpiece again. “Anybody see anything, let us know ASAP.”
But there was nothing.
Chloe knew that she couldn’t let herself get complacent, as difficult as it was to keep her focus up. There were so many little details that she had to keep an eye on. Social media activity was a big one that she usually tried to watch, but it was already elevated with the eclipse... which meant that she had to sort by region within the line of the eclipse, to see if there was any part of the line with a spike relative to the others.
She also kept watch on power grids, earthquakes, wind and weather patterns... all the sorts of things that might get triggered when an army of the gods bursts through onto the mortal plane. Her monitors were all alight with data.
But nothing indicated a target.
They had gone through so much effort to get heroes ready to spring into action... and there was nothing so far. She was almost disappointed, as much as she truly hoped against disaster.
Then something popped up on her stream that made Chloe raise an eyebrow. A trend correlated along the eclipse line that shouldn’t have anything to do with the eclipse.
She clicked on it, and it expanded to fill one of her monitors. She scrolled through posts, narrowing her eyes. This was definitely out of the ordinary.
In front of her eyes were an array of what almost looked like zombies. People who had died, but who appeared pallid, ghoulish.
Their eyes recessed into their sockets, and their mouths hung open in grotesque poses. Chloe couldn’t tell if they were smiles of delight or screams of terror. She turned away, opening up the comm link as she did so.
“Hey everybody? Think we found the problem. It’s not a physical attack, it never was. They’re attacking death.”
“Attacking death? I’m sorry, how’s that even possible?” came a voice Chloe didn’t recognize. She pressed on.
“I don’t know how they did it, but people who are dying are really weird. I’m sorry, I know this is a lot to ask, but do we happen to have any doctors here today?”
“I’m a doctor,” came a reply. “Where do you need me to go?”
WWWWW
Doctor Mid-Nite examined his patient closely. He was in a small hospital in Ohio, where an old woman had recently passed away. Mid-Nite was told that the patient was a hundred and two years old. It really hurt to see somebody who had been through so much, who deserved a peaceful death after such a long life, contorted and defaced.
But so she was.
By the time he got there, the doctors were already starting to perform an autopsy. Mid-Nite conferred with the team; they hadn’t found anything yet that would indicate why she was in such a condition. He radioed Watchtower to let her know, and joined in on the autopsy.
Back in Gateway City, Watchtower tapped her foot impatiently. She knew that autopsies took time, but the eclipse would be over fairly soon, and she wanted to be able to minimize the damage, if at all possible.
The worst part was, she knew that it wasn’t that likely that the autopsy would turn up with much at all. If this was truly magical or cosmological in nature, that change wouldn’t likely have a medical component to it. It would just... happen.
Maybe they could get somebody with more of a magical background in on this? But who was there, even? Zatanna had asked to not be contacted for heroic activities after her short stay in Gateway, and they had respected that. Maybe that British magician guy, Constantine, would show up. He always seemed to show up when he was needed... but he was a tricky one to contact. And unfortunately, she couldn’t spare the time it would take to go to Olympus and plead for help.
Maybe Diana could, though? She wasn’t a god anymore, but she was still Wonder Woman.
Chloe froze. Her brain put together the pieces.
The Wonder. The thing that had given Diana her codename in the first place. The place where the newly dead passed through on the way to their final destination, protected by the Amazons.
She immediately slammed the button to open the comm line.
“Wonder Woman! Do you think they could have gained access to the Wonder?”
Diana’s voice came back over the line, in a tenor that Chloe had so rarely heard her use. Diana was furious, and she sounded like a storm rumbling over the horizon, unstoppable, tearing the landscape apart as it growled. “That would be possible.”
“Let me know what you need to get in there and fight them back.”
Diana’s response was simple, but chilling. “I need to die.”
The line was filled with a handful of objections, from heroes across the continent. Chloe swiftly muted anybody talking for ten seconds, and continued the conversation. “Do what you need to do. We can’t let them win.”
“There would be a way to get me back. The Well of Souls on Themyscira is meant as an escape hatch back into the outside world from the Wonder. It’s protected by monsters in order to prevent us from attempting to circumvent our role as the Wonder’s protectors unless the need is dire.”
“I... I think we do still need you, Wonder Woman,” Chloe said quietly. She took her finger off the button.
“At least, I do,” Chloe muttered under her breath. Summoning her courage, she put her finger back on the button and continued.
“We’ll send a team to the Well. Do what you need to do to join the fight on that side.” She glanced at the clock. The eclipse was rapidly approaching its end. “Everybody else... if you have something important to do, feel free to go. I’d appreciate you sticking around until the end of the eclipse, but I doubt we’ll be having the fight we anticipated.”
WWWWW
It was very hard to kill an Amazon. Diana debated the best way to do it, the way she could join the fight the fastest. A number of options ran through her head. It was so hard to choose, to even consider the unpleasantness of death... but she could think of one that she might be able to handle.
She turned on her earpiece, flicking the button that would let her communicate directly with Chloe, and only her.
“I love you.”
“I love you, too,” Chloe replied. Diana could hear that she was crying. “Diana... come back.”
Diana sucked in a lungful of air. “I will.”
She took off upwards, accelerating as she did so. She thought about Chloe, Donna, Cassie, and all the other bonds she had made since coming to Man’s World. About how devastated they’d be if she didn’t return.
So she knew that one thing was true: she would have to return. Fight through the Dark Gods’ hordes, save the dead, and save the day.
She knew that one day, she would take her rest in the Wonder amongst her fallen comrades, but she knew her story still had more pages remaining. It was not the end. Not yet.
She flew higher and higher still. The air around her grew colder and thinner. She struggled to pull in a breath.
She closed her eyes and focused. She needed to keep going. Higher, and higher.
Her powerful lungs heaved, but there was barely any oxygen for her to pull on. She opened her eyes. She had made it to the stratosphere.
Diana tried to fly higher, but it felt like she was treading water. She struggled to produce force greater than that pulling her back down to Earth... but slowly, still, she pushed her way upwards.
She could feel herself fading away. She did her best to accept it. Seeing what laid beyond life was daunting... but she knew she had to do it. This was her role in this moment. Nobody else’s.
She let go, at peace with herself.
And she plummeted thirty-five kilometres downwards into the Gulf of Mexico.
WWWWW
Cassie gathered her team together as Chloe signed off. They were stationed in downtown Dallas, and the sky was cloudy enough that it was hard to watch the eclipse. There was even a warning for a storm coming in later that night.
Shame, really.
“So Wonder Woman’s dying?” Peony asked Cassie.
“Yeah,” Cassie said dourly. “I guess so.”
“We can’t let that lie,” Tora said, determination in her eyes. “Can we help her out?”
“There was that Well of Souls team, right?” Kiran asked. “Maybe we could be a part of that?”
“Not a lot of men on the Justice League,” Dolphin observed wryly. “They’re gonna need us if they want to be allowed on Themyscira.”
Cassie took a deep breath. “Yeah, sure. We can do that.”
“What’s wrong?” Kiran asked.
“It’s hard to describe,” Cassie started to say, pushing her hair back behind her ear as she did so. “But it’s kind of scary to see somebody you care about so much stare down death so bravely.”
She balled her hands up into fists. “Guess that just means those of us who are left need to fight that much harder to get her out of the Well of Souls. I’ll go tell Watchtower that we want to help out with this. Sorry, Peony, but I think you’re going to have to stay home with this one.”
Peony nodded. “Yeah… I get it. Kick Urzkartaga’s butt for me, will you?”
“We will,” Dolphin chuckled. “Or, well, Wonder Woman will.”
“Good enough,” Peony replied with her own laugh.
WWWWW
Diana opened her eyes. She was in a place that was very difficult to describe. It was dark… or, that was how she would describe it at first glance. But despite there being no sources of light, she found that she understood the geography that surrounded her perfectly, as if she were walking around her house in the dark, despite never having seen any of it before.
She could hear sounds of battle. She put a hand on her Lasso, and rushed forwards towards the fighting.
She might not have been able to see them, but she knew that there were a group of Amazons ahead, fighting off an army. That army was harder to discern; it felt like Diana’s knowledge of this place was almost repelled by them, and yet the Amazons themselves shone bright. She could see one of them getting pushed back by some sort of plant creature, and she lashed out her lasso, restraining the creature long enough for the Amazon to slice her sword clean through it, killing it.
The Amazon smiled at Diana. It was a smile Diana recognized well.
It was Sable, Diana’s former lover, lost in combat in Diana’s first few days within Man’s World.
“Diana. Glad to see you finally made it!”
The two women flew into the fight together, ready to put an end to the threat of the Dark Gods, once and for all.
<< < [>]

WARNING: CONTAINS A LOT OF SPOILERS
Introduction:
Hello there! My name is Brian, and I am interested in this Reddit group because Hell's Kitchen is one of my favorite TV shows. I am particularly fond of the Thailand variant since I have experience visiting a Thai restaurant.
For those of you who don't know, I work on Hell's Kitchen fanon projects as part of the community.
I have been thinking about the new contestants, head chefs, sous chefs, and maître d’hôtel. If it were up to me, Hell's Kitchen would take place in Tokyo instead of Los Angeles/Las Vegas, since Japan is a popular tourist destination. In this version, Gordon Ramsay would not be featured, but instead, he would appear as a guest judge in future episodes.
Interestingly, none of the contestants would have any culinary experience, and they would be aged between 21-35 and come from different parts of the world. I am anticipating the presence of a main protagonist, a main antagonist, some supporting characters, and a few minor characters.
Lastly, I would not include their last names to protect their privacy.
Blue Team:
Ben, 25, YouTuber & Philanthropist, Greenville, North Carolina
Bianca, 31, Book Reviewer, Milan, Italy
Brian, 25, Voice Actor, Los Angeles, California
Cecilia, 23, Cosplayer, Atlanta, Georgia
Corrie, 35, YouTube Gamer, Amsterdam, Netherlands
David, 27, Musician & Singer, Evansville, Indiana
Domingos, 30, Tech YouTuber, Lisbon, Portugal
Efrain, 30, YouTube Gamer, Madrid, Spain
Evelyn, 29, Tailor, Yerevan, Armenia
Evert, 26, YouTuber & Actor, Zoetermeer, Netherlands
Georgina, 27, Digital Content Creator, Tirana, Albania
Gisele, 26, Disney & Pokémon YouTuber, Asnières-sur-Seine, France
Hans, 34, YouTuber & Game Director, Oslo, Norway
Herve, 27, Japanese Culture YouTuber, Neuilly-sur-Seine, France
Isaias, 22, YouTube Gamer, Montevideo, Uruguay
Justine, 27, Writer & Illustrator, Adelaide, Australia
Karlotta, 29, Anime & Manga YouTuber, Hamburg, Germany
Lucas, 29, YouTube Gamer, Dallas, Texas
Marco, 29, YouTuber & Musician, Savona, Italy
Mathieu, 32, YouTube Comedian & Vlogger, Paris, France
Priya, 22, Model & Cosplayer, Guwahati, India
Raquel, 29, Content Creator, Madrid, Spain
Shirlene, 30, Blogger, Chelmsford, United Kingdom
Valerie, 21, Chess Player, Fuengirola, Spain
Wendy, 29, Model & Singer, Minsk, Belarus
Red Team:
Alex, 27, Commentator, La Crosse, Wisconsin
Amelie, 28, Digital Creator, Paris, France
Brendan, 27, Twitch Streamer, Trenton, New Jersey
Caroline, 29, Twitch Streamer, Trenton, New Jersey
Claudio, 24, Gameplay Commentator, Mallorca, Spain
Diana, 26, Model, Amsterdam, Netherlands
Felix, 29, Podcaster & YouTuber, Sydney, Australia
Flora, 31, Lifestyle & Travel Luxury Creator, Jakarta, Indonesia
Franklin, 25, Author, Brighton, United Kingdom
Hannelore, 29, YouTuber & Podcaster, Munich, Germany
Herman, 34, YouTuber, Vlaardingen, Netherlands
Iris, 28, Twitch Streamer, Chicago, Illinois
Karen, 28, Anime YouTuber, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Kyllian, 28, Live Streamer & YouTuber, Hollis, New Hampshire
Larisa, 25, Writer & Wellness Teacher, Ljubljana, Slovenia
Natalie, 32, Cosplayer & Twitch Streamer, Belfast, United Kingdom
Nicholas, 24, Presenter & Podcaster, Blackpool, United Kingdom
Noah, 27, Twitch Streamer & YouTuber, Denbigh, United Kingdom
Olga, 22, Content Creator, Moscow, Russia
Paul, 30, YouTuber & Editor, Tallinn, Estonia
Stefano, 31, YouTube Gamer, Rome, Italy
Tamiko, 34, Entrepreneur, Los Angeles, California
Teresa, 33, Youtuber & Blogger, Perth, Australia
Tobias, 31, Photographer, Dublin, Ireland
Tristan, 33, Podcaster & YouTuber, Bangkok, Thailand
Head Chefs:
Jake, 34, Maidstone, United Kingdom: Jake is a strict and short-tempered perfectionist chef who gets easily frustrated when his chefs make mistakes such as serving raw food, not communicating properly, or talking back to him. However, he does care for chefs who try their best, as he always expects the best from every chef he works with. Jake is also known to make sarcastic comments by comparing served food to something else or even customers when they try to confront him. Despite his criticisms and insults, Jake's intention is to find out which chef has the potential to be his new head chef. None of the critiques and insults he gave out were too personal, and there are rare occasions where he gives praise to a chef and lets them know they are doing well. For this reason, he earned the nickname "Asian Gordon Ramsay".
Kim, 40, Boston, Massachusetts: Kim is one of the head chefs that Jake hired, and she acts as his right-hand woman during services. Unlike her co-workers Jake, Eleanor, Lola, and Renata, Kim is always calm and collected and never gets angry, even when chefs make mistakes. She is generally a charming and cheerful person who provides chefs with advice and encouragement to help them succeed during dinner service and any challenges that may arise.
Eleanor, 71, New York City, New York: Eleanor is one of the head chefs hired by Jake and she acts as his right-hand woman during services. She is generally more subdued than Jake and Renata, but she has her limits. When she is pushed, she will lash out at any chef who disrespects her. She can also become rude and annoyed when chefs are being unprofessional and talking back to her. However, overall, Eleanor is a nice and helpful person. She has a lot of cooking experience in the past, and is known for preparing restaurant-quality dishes.
Lola, 48, Rio Piedras, Puerto Rico: Lola is one of the head chefs hired by Jake. She acts as his right-hand woman during services, and holds the same high standards as Jake. Lola often gets irritated by contestants' constant mistakes. However, she is not as subdued as Kim, Eleanor, and Renata. She has her limits, and when pushed, she will lash out at any chef who disrespects her. Lola becomes stern when the chefs aren't doing their jobs properly. She easily gets angry, uses vulgar language, and is sarcastic when a chef is not professional, makes mistakes, or fails to meet Jake's standards. Despite this, Lola is generally kind and humorous.
Renata, 42, Berea, Ohio: Renata is one of the head chefs hired by Jake. She acts as his right-hand woman during services, holding the same high standards as Jake. However, she can become irritated by the constant mistakes made by the contestants. While she is more subdued than Jake and Eleanor, she has her limits when pushed and would lash out at any disrespectful contestant. Her behavior is often passive-aggressive. Renata becomes stern when the contestants don't take the competition seriously. Her criticisms can be considered slightly or overly harsh, sometimes even taking a contestant's poor performance as a personal insult and berating them for their mistakes. Otherwise, Renata is generally respectful and polite. She is an expert in desserts.
Sous Chefs:
Wilson, 27, Union, Missouri: Wilson is Jake's Sous Chef and acts as his right-hand man during services. He holds the same high standards as Jake and gets irritated by the constant mistakes of contestants. Wilson is generally calm and composed, but he becomes stern when chefs fail to do their jobs properly. He warns them that he can be as aggressive and harsh on them as he won't tolerate poor performances leading to bad dinner services or losing challenges.
Lily, 32, Chicago, Illinois: Lily, the Sous Chef of Jake, serves as his main assistant during services. She shares the same standards as Jake and often gets frustrated by the constant mistakes of the contestants. Despite that, Lily is generally friendly and caring. However, she has her limits, and if disrespected, she will become stern and lash out at the chefs. She is known to lose her temper with chefs who do not perform their jobs adequately during dinner services or in challenges.
Maître d’hôtel:
Louise, 34, Toronto, Canada: Louise was one of the most respected and loveable staff in the history of the show. As the Maître d'hôtel at Hell's Kitchen, she served at the front of the house and often handed out tickets to Jake. If there was a tableside dish, she was responsible for instructing the assigned chefs on how to make it, due to her vast experience in cooking. However, she would get upset with the chefs when they made mistakes that resulted in customer complaints.
Conclusion:
I have created a detailed summary for my upcoming project. I plan to release the first episode when I can find some free time. It will either premiere after the conclusion of Hell's Kitchen Thailand or at a time that I believe is appropriate. This project will have more intense and unique rewards and punishments compared to the previous ones. As expected, none of the contestants will be nominated by the head chefs, and all of them will be eliminated properly, except for the Running the Pass Service. The head chefs are expecting two chefs before the finale. I also expected the teams to not be divided by gender. I would love to see friendships and romance develop between members of opposite genders. Furthermore, I'm excited to see how the best blue team and the worst red team in the show's history compare to previous seasons. There is going to be more drama, bad dinner services, and brutality, unlike Gordon Ramsay's version. As anticipated, there will be no punishment pass, Cook For Your Life Challenge, and Black Jackets Challenge because it would not be fair for certain chefs who wanted a reward and stayed in the competition for obvious reasons. The winner of this series will receive a prestigious head chef position at the Gordon Ramsay Bar & Grill Restaurant in Sunway City, Kuala Lumpur, with a salary of $250,000. Interestingly, all the chefs who competed throughout the series will return for the finale to join one of the largest Final Service Brigades in the show's history. Please let me know if any changes need to be made. I'll put contestants' personalities next time as a separate post, due to space limit on Reddit.
Here's the link: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1rJkba0klyA99Sd-gXyK_EtjtT2FXb_hT?usp=sharing

Councillor Vek stood on the observation deck of the cruiser Balexa, as she watched the blue planet below. Earth, as the inhabitants called it. Indigenous life had only just developed tools and weapons of metal and combustion, yet something about this world felt...different.
Vek's assistant, a young Dreth named Pylor, approached. "Councillor, our sensors have detected an unusual energy signature coming from that landmass." He pointed to a region on the planet's map.
Vek peered down at the indicated area. "Life signs?"
"Massive. Billions within that small area alone. And..." Pylor double checked the readings. "Their technology...it's exceeding all models for their stage of development."
Intrigued, Vek ordered the Balexa into a lower orbit to investigate directly. Below, sprawling cities dominated the landscape, towers of metal and glass thrusting towards the heavens. Ground vehicles filled roadways in great herds.
But it was what Vek saw in the skies that made her gasp. Dozens of giant space ships above the planet.
Vek urged the Balexa closer, honing in on the largest vessel. Over a kilometer long, it resembled an arrowhead piercing the clouds. Guiding it through flight tests, no doubt. But its capabilities went far beyond simple transport.
Her eyes analyzed the gleaming hull. Powerful weapons arrays, ultra-dense alloys, inertial dampeners—this was no mere explorer ship. It bore the armaments of a capital warship, yet wielded in the skies of a supposedly primitive world, according to 1000 year old reports.
"Scan it," Vek ordered. The results shocked even her aged sensibilities. Particle beam projectors, gravitic torque generators, ablative shield matrix far exceeding, any known galaxy-class defenses. She watched silent as the warship shrugged off simulated meteor bombardments, and energy lances that would have crippled a flagship.
"Are the sensors malfunctioning?" Pylor asked. "This...this shouldn't be possible."
Vek didn't respond, lost in thought. The colonization directive had brought her here expecting a standard uplifting, not...this. A new species on the cusp of space, yes, but with a military capability challenging the Grand Fleet itself. Her duties were clear, yet prudence demanded further observation before revealing her presence.
That evening, Vek witnessed lights illuminate the cities as perpetual twilight fell. Not the flickering fires of a primitive settlement, but vast geometric patterns flooding the night with steady radiance. Roadways became rivers of motion as noxious fumes belched from pipes. She watched holographic entertainments broadcast atop towering spires, their realism surpassing even the Dreamcast pleasure worlds.
It was all too much. This world had advanced beyond all projections, its technology perfectly integrated within human civilization. Yet had achieved spaceflight only yesterday. An impossibility...unless directed by an outside influence. But signatures showed no alien contamination, only the fingerprints of natural evolution.
"Councillor," Pylor interrupted her thoughts, "I'm detecting a new vessel launching from the underground test site."
Vek shifted her gaze and witnessed madness. Rising from its berth came a colossus the size of a hab-moon. Twenty kilometers of pitiless metal rising on pillars of blue inferno, a vast sphinx of iron. Its armored prow glinted cruel in the light of its world. No other word could apply but "leviathan."
She watched speechless as it performed basic maneuvers. Its motion sent ripples through the atmosphere itself, as entire mountain ranges would shake. Multispectral scans revealed engineering beyond rational thought, a work of art and horror, given form in girders and armour-plates. No known drive system could shift its bulk, yet it drifted with ethereal grace.
Vek collapsed into her command throne, as the giant ship vanished into the mottled sky. Only one thought echoed through her stunned mind.
This changes everything.
Councillor Vek's findings on the human home world of Earth, had rocked the Galactic Council to its core. A species possessing technological marvels far beyond their years of spaceflight, should not exist, yet Vek's evidence proved otherwise. As the leaders convened an emergency session, their debate centered around how to handle this unprecedented development.
"Negotiations must be made at once, to assess if these 'humans' pose a threat," stated Morax of the Androrian Conglomerate. "We cannot allow such advanced militaries to emerge unchecked in the galaxy."
Vek spoke up. "I caution haste. The humans integrate their technologies peacefully on Earth, and welcomed our observations from orbit. Forceful intervention risks destroying what could be a powerful new ally."
Others argued humanity should be contained for study and surveillance, to learn their intentions. Tempers flared until Councillor Porx silenced the chamber. "Further debate is pointless without understanding these beings. Vek, with your ship the Balexa being closest, you are tasked with open contact and assessment of the human condition."
Reluctantly agreeing, Vek set course for Earth with escort vessels. As the Balexa entered atmo, she watched the armada of human vessels fill the skies once more. Her mind raced with what to make of such a belligerent yet benign species. Perhaps hospitality ruled here while militarism emerged elsewhere, as with so many spacefaring civilizations.
The Balexa landed in an open field outside a sprawling metropolis. Vek and her delegation exited warily, the high oxygen air thick in their respiratory systems. Above, jet aircraft flew patrol routes. while curious onlookers documented the arrival on personal communicators.
Approaching vehicles emerged, this time carrying humans who exited with open hands. "Greetings, I'm Commander Jasmine Chen of the United Earth Space Command," said the apparent leader. "We welcome peaceful contact and welcome you to our world."
Her relaxed yet watchful presence put Vek at ease. "I am Councillor Vek of the Galactic Council. We come in friendship to learn of your people and capabilities."
Chen nodded. "Please, come with me and we’ll discuss how we might cooperate for mutual benefit.” She guided them into waiting transport vehicles towards a towering citadel. Along the route, Vek glimpsed, colossal fusion reactors, automated infrastructure, and most astonishing, families and children walking without fear amongst such technological wonders.
Arriving at the United Earth Space Command headquarters, Vek received a cultural download on human history. Only an eyeblink ago, they waged wars from the back of beasts and shattered each other with primitive explosives. Now they spanned the Solar System and bent physics to their will, yet retained community and empathy in their evolution.
Chen brought them to a viewing platform high above the city. "This is what 350 years of focused progress has achieved. Our advance began, when we discovered alien wrecks on the Moon containing lost knowledge. From there, our science boomed while social reforms fostered cooperation."
Vek struggled to process such rapid development. "And your military capabilities? Ones matching capital fleets already?"
Chen smiled knowingly. "A necessity of our past, yet now a guarantor of peace. We keep stride to ensure safe expansion, not conquest. See, all technologies serve life's betterment."
Her wise words allayed Vek's fears of some belligerent power. Indeed, humans bore responsibility for such marvels rather than recklessness. She thanked Chen, believing a new partnership had begun that could uplift the galaxy.
As the Balexa departed that day, Vek pondered all she now understood of humanity. A species arisen from war to wisdom, empowerment and care for others. Their defense of all requiring defense through strength guided safely by conscience. Truly an example to follow into a brighter future, if accepted.
But ominous clouds gathered where none before have been...
The Council chambers fell silent as reports of the Balexa's findings spread across the Galactic network. Councillor Vek recounted humanity's technological feats and philosophical underpinnings in great detail. While unsettled by Earth's military prowess, the consensus agreed their intentions seemed benevolent.
As debate resumed, an aide burst in with urgency. "Attack fleets have engaged at the Estron outposts. Casualty estimates are catastrophic."
Gasps filled the room. Estron, a core Council world renowned for compassion, laid defenseless against the ravaging warships. But how had the Anti Council faction pushed this deep so quickly?
Vek turned to the hologlobe, coordinating response forces to intervene quickly. But she knew conventional fleets, couldn't match the invader's new annihilating momentum. Unless...
An idea formed, She opened a channel to Commander Chen, as other leaders objected in shock. "Humanity proving themselves is unwarranted. We cannot condone--"
But Vek sensed Chen had come to the same conclusion. "Councillor, send us all you have on this threat. Our ships stand ready to aid in whatever way is needed."
The Council fell silent at her resolve. Vek transmitted Battle Assessment 716-C and tracked the human warship streaking into hyperdrive, escorted by two escort cruisers. She prayed this unprecedented response would succeed where fleets had failed.
As the human task force arrived at Estron, they beheld utter ruin. Planetoids bombarded into dust, settlements glassed from space. The last distress calls wept through static, as heat shimmered off molten continents.
Captain Sato of the Yamato grimaced at the carnage. "This ends today. Shields to maximum, charge main cannons. Helm take us in."
The faction armada appeared like demons bursting from an inferno, dozens of war beasts thirsting for more conquest. But they weren't prepared for the grey giant, punching through their formation's heart.
Blue lances of plasma speared the leading ship, overloading its shielding and armor in a microsecond. The massive ship erupted in a brilliant fireball that consumed several nearby fighter craft. Meanwhile, precision volleys from the Yamato's mass drivers sheared through the battlecruiser amidships. Secondary explosions ripped the cruiser to pieces, as it drifted lifeless.
The humans coordinated their attacks with flawless synchronization. Squads of escort gunships strafed and bombarded the swarm ships, attempting to flank the capital ships. Their advanced targeting systems, allowed multiple targets to be engaged simultaneously. Within minutes, over a dozen enemy vessels had been eliminated with surgical strikes.
The surviving faction forces regrouped and organized a desperate counterattack. A dozen assault frigates charged headlong at the Yamato, unleashing everything in their arsenals. Shields flared as energy lanced and missiles impacted across the human warship. But its shields held easily, dissipating each strike with efficiency.
Resuming its offensive, the Yamato activated its main cannons once more. Two gigawatt particle beams lashed out, melting through the foremost frigates in a pair of massive explosions. Shrapnel and debris pelted the remaining ships, crippling their systems. Bombardment from the escorts mopped up the drifting hulks.
With their main attack crushed, the rest of the fleet broke into a panic-fueled retreat. They scattered in all directions, pursued relentlessly by human forces. Within the hour, only broken ship fragments remained of what was once a formidable invader fleet.
Aboard the Yamato, Captain Sato surveyed the devastated aftermath with a heavy heart. So many lives lost unnecessarily, due to the faction's brutal conquests. But now, Estron could begin to heal thanks to humanity's intervention. As cleanup crews tended to survivors, Sato opened a channel to Earth and to Galactic Council to deliver their mission report.
Word of the battle's outcome would help forge new bonds of trust, and cooperation between humanity and the Galactic Council.
In the ruins of Estron's capital, Councillor Vek witnessed humanity's compassion firsthand. Survivors were rescued, and cared for without regard for species or faction. She knew in that moment that the Pax Terra had begun, and a new era of partnership had dawned with Earth.

Councillor Vek stood on the observation deck of the cruiser Balexa, as she watched the blue planet below. Earth, as the inhabitants called it. Indigenous life had only just developed tools and weapons of metal and combustion, yet something about this world felt...different.
Vek's assistant, a young Dreth named Pylor, approached. "Councillor, our sensors have detected an unusual energy signature coming from that landmass." He pointed to a region on the planet's map.
Vek peered down at the indicated area. "Life signs?"
"Massive. Billions within that small area alone. And..." Pylor double checked the readings. "Their technology...it's exceeding all models for their stage of development."
Intrigued, Vek ordered the Balexa into a lower orbit to investigate directly. Below, sprawling cities dominated the landscape, towers of metal and glass thrusting towards the heavens. Ground vehicles filled roadways in great herds.
But it was what Vek saw in the skies that made her gasp. Dozens of giant space ships above the planet.
Vek urged the Balexa closer, honing in on the largest vessel. Over a kilometer long, it resembled an arrowhead piercing the clouds. Guiding it through flight tests, no doubt. But its capabilities went far beyond simple transport.
Her eyes analyzed the gleaming hull. Powerful weapons arrays, ultra-dense alloys, inertial dampeners—this was no mere explorer ship. It bore the armaments of a capital warship, yet wielded in the skies of a supposedly primitive world, according to 1000 year old reports.
"Scan it," Vek ordered. The results shocked even her aged sensibilities. Particle beam projectors, gravitic torque generators, ablative shield matrix far exceeding, any known galaxy-class defenses. She watched silent as the warship shrugged off simulated meteor bombardments, and energy lances that would have crippled a flagship.
"Are the sensors malfunctioning?" Pylor asked. "This...this shouldn't be possible."
Vek didn't respond, lost in thought. The colonization directive had brought her here expecting a standard uplifting, not...this. A new species on the cusp of space, yes, but with a military capability challenging the Grand Fleet itself. Her duties were clear, yet prudence demanded further observation before revealing her presence.
That evening, Vek witnessed lights illuminate the cities as perpetual twilight fell. Not the flickering fires of a primitive settlement, but vast geometric patterns flooding the night with steady radiance. Roadways became rivers of motion as noxious fumes belched from pipes. She watched holographic entertainments broadcast atop towering spires, their realism surpassing even the Dreamcast pleasure worlds.
It was all too much. This world had advanced beyond all projections, its technology perfectly integrated within human civilization. Yet had achieved spaceflight only yesterday. An impossibility...unless directed by an outside influence. But signatures showed no alien contamination, only the fingerprints of natural evolution.
"Councillor," Pylor interrupted her thoughts, "I'm detecting a new vessel launching from the underground test site."
Vek shifted her gaze and witnessed madness. Rising from its berth came a colossus the size of a hab-moon. Twenty kilometers of pitiless metal rising on pillars of blue inferno, a vast sphinx of iron. Its armored prow glinted cruel in the light of its world. No other word could apply but "leviathan."
She watched speechless as it performed basic maneuvers. Its motion sent ripples through the atmosphere itself, as entire mountain ranges would shake. Multispectral scans revealed engineering beyond rational thought, a work of art and horror, given form in girders and armour-plates. No known drive system could shift its bulk, yet it drifted with ethereal grace.
Vek collapsed into her command throne, as the giant ship vanished into the mottled sky. Only one thought echoed through her stunned mind.
This changes everything.
Councillor Vek's findings on the human home world of Earth, had rocked the Galactic Council to its core. A species possessing technological marvels far beyond their years of spaceflight, should not exist, yet Vek's evidence proved otherwise. As the leaders convened an emergency session, their debate centered around how to handle this unprecedented development.
"Negotiations must be made at once, to assess if these 'humans' pose a threat," stated Morax of the Androrian Conglomerate. "We cannot allow such advanced militaries to emerge unchecked in the galaxy."
Vek spoke up. "I caution haste. The humans integrate their technologies peacefully on Earth, and welcomed our observations from orbit. Forceful intervention risks destroying what could be a powerful new ally."
Others argued humanity should be contained for study and surveillance, to learn their intentions. Tempers flared until Councillor Porx silenced the chamber. "Further debate is pointless without understanding these beings. Vek, with your ship the Balexa being closest, you are tasked with open contact and assessment of the human condition."
Reluctantly agreeing, Vek set course for Earth with escort vessels. As the Balexa entered atmo, she watched the armada of human vessels fill the skies once more. Her mind raced with what to make of such a belligerent yet benign species. Perhaps hospitality ruled here while militarism emerged elsewhere, as with so many spacefaring civilizations.
The Balexa landed in an open field outside a sprawling metropolis. Vek and her delegation exited warily, the high oxygen air thick in their respiratory systems. Above, jet aircraft flew patrol routes. while curious onlookers documented the arrival on personal communicators.
Approaching vehicles emerged, this time carrying humans who exited with open hands. "Greetings, I'm Commander Jasmine Chen of the United Earth Space Command," said the apparent leader. "We welcome peaceful contact and welcome you to our world."
Her relaxed yet watchful presence put Vek at ease. "I am Councillor Vek of the Galactic Council. We come in friendship to learn of your people and capabilities."
Chen nodded. "Please, come with me and we’ll discuss how we might cooperate for mutual benefit.” She guided them into waiting transport vehicles towards a towering citadel. Along the route, Vek glimpsed, colossal fusion reactors, automated infrastructure, and most astonishing, families and children walking without fear amongst such technological wonders.
Arriving at the United Earth Space Command headquarters, Vek received a cultural download on human history. Only an eyeblink ago, they waged wars from the back of beasts and shattered each other with primitive explosives. Now they spanned the Solar System and bent physics to their will, yet retained community and empathy in their evolution.
Chen brought them to a viewing platform high above the city. "This is what 350 years of focused progress has achieved. Our advance began, when we discovered alien wrecks on the Moon containing lost knowledge. From there, our science boomed while social reforms fostered cooperation."
Vek struggled to process such rapid development. "And your military capabilities? Ones matching capital fleets already?"
Chen smiled knowingly. "A necessity of our past, yet now a guarantor of peace. We keep stride to ensure safe expansion, not conquest. See, all technologies serve life's betterment."
Her wise words allayed Vek's fears of some belligerent power. Indeed, humans bore responsibility for such marvels rather than recklessness. She thanked Chen, believing a new partnership had begun that could uplift the galaxy.
As the Balexa departed that day, Vek pondered all she now understood of humanity. A species arisen from war to wisdom, empowerment and care for others. Their defense of all requiring defense through strength guided safely by conscience. Truly an example to follow into a brighter future, if accepted.
But ominous clouds gathered where none before have been...
The Council chambers fell silent as reports of the Balexa's findings spread across the Galactic network. Councillor Vek recounted humanity's technological feats and philosophical underpinnings in great detail. While unsettled by Earth's military prowess, the consensus agreed their intentions seemed benevolent.
As debate resumed, an aide burst in with urgency. "Attack fleets have engaged at the Estron outposts. Casualty estimates are catastrophic."
Gasps filled the room. Estron, a core Council world renowned for compassion, laid defenseless against the ravaging warships. But how had the Anti Council faction pushed this deep so quickly?
Vek turned to the hologlobe, coordinating response forces to intervene quickly. But she knew conventional fleets, couldn't match the invader's new annihilating momentum. Unless...
An idea formed, She opened a channel to Commander Chen, as other leaders objected in shock. "Humanity proving themselves is unwarranted. We cannot condone--"
But Vek sensed Chen had come to the same conclusion. "Councillor, send us all you have on this threat. Our ships stand ready to aid in whatever way is needed."
The Council fell silent at her resolve. Vek transmitted Battle Assessment 716-C and tracked the human warship streaking into hyperdrive, escorted by two escort cruisers. She prayed this unprecedented response would succeed where fleets had failed.
As the human task force arrived at Estron, they beheld utter ruin. Planetoids bombarded into dust, settlements glassed from space. The last distress calls wept through static, as heat shimmered off molten continents.
Captain Sato of the Yamato grimaced at the carnage. "This ends today. Shields to maximum, charge main cannons. Helm take us in."
The faction armada appeared like demons bursting from an inferno, dozens of war beasts thirsting for more conquest. But they weren't prepared for the grey giant, punching through their formation's heart.
Blue lances of plasma speared the leading ship, overloading its shielding and armor in a microsecond. The massive ship erupted in a brilliant fireball that consumed several nearby fighter craft. Meanwhile, precision volleys from the Yamato's mass drivers sheared through the battlecruiser amidships. Secondary explosions ripped the cruiser to pieces, as it drifted lifeless.
The humans coordinated their attacks with flawless synchronization. Squads of escort gunships strafed and bombarded the swarm ships, attempting to flank the capital ships. Their advanced targeting systems, allowed multiple targets to be engaged simultaneously. Within minutes, over a dozen enemy vessels had been eliminated with surgical strikes.
The surviving faction forces regrouped and organized a desperate counterattack. A dozen assault frigates charged headlong at the Yamato, unleashing everything in their arsenals. Shields flared as energy lanced and missiles impacted across the human warship. But its shields held easily, dissipating each strike with efficiency.
Resuming its offensive, the Yamato activated its main cannons once more. Two gigawatt particle beams lashed out, melting through the foremost frigates in a pair of massive explosions. Shrapnel and debris pelted the remaining ships, crippling their systems. Bombardment from the escorts mopped up the drifting hulks.
With their main attack crushed, the rest of the fleet broke into a panic-fueled retreat. They scattered in all directions, pursued relentlessly by human forces. Within the hour, only broken ship fragments remained of what was once a formidable invader fleet.
Aboard the Yamato, Captain Sato surveyed the devastated aftermath with a heavy heart. So many lives lost unnecessarily, due to the faction's brutal conquests. But now, Estron could begin to heal thanks to humanity's intervention. As cleanup crews tended to survivors, Sato opened a channel to Earth and to Galactic Council to deliver their mission report.
Word of the battle's outcome would help forge new bonds of trust, and cooperation between humanity and the Galactic Council.
In the ruins of Estron's capital, Councillor Vek witnessed humanity's compassion firsthand. Survivors were rescued, and cared for without regard for species or faction. She knew in that moment that the Pax Terra had begun, and a new era of partnership had dawned with Earth.

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1) Will this be your first dog? If not, what experience do you have owning/training dogs?
I have always been around dogs including growing up with dogs and taking an active role in training and care. Family dogs have included two mutt rescues, two Goldens, and currently two Havanese (which I take care of when they can't travel with my parents).
2) Do you have a preference for rescuing a dog vs. going through a reputable breeder?
I'm open to rescue but would likely need a puppy (as I need to be able to train and socialize early on to get what I'm after)
3) Describe your ideal dog.
A clingy couch potato that doesn't regularly need a lot of stimulation outside of hanging out with me.
4) What breeds or types of dogs are you interested in and why?
It never would have been on my quick list, but looking at my needs no breed comes up more than a Bullmastiff. My concerns are the drool (I'm OCD), and with the size with regard to lifespan, food costs, and physical control- I have a bad back, but that's going to be an issue with any size poorly trained dog and most activity will likely be off leash.
I loved our Goldens and either one would fit nicely into my needs (save the long hair). But I'm worried we got lucky with low energy Goldens (they often didn't get daily activity and yet no behavior or health issues)- so because of energy levels they aren't on my list right now.
I like many of the pitbull breeds, they are a great size, I like the idea of combating the image of the big scary pitbull- but like Goldens they aren't on my list because of worries of energy levels.
I'm not inherently opposed to labs.
I always adored Corgis but I don't think they are a match to my needs (barking, energy levels, small).
I don't want to overly worry about energy levels, obviously most dogs out there don't get the ideal activity levels and they do fine. But it also feels risky going with breeds known to be higher energy.
5) What sorts of things would you like to train your dog to do?
Basics- sit/stay/come/heel/bang
6) Do you want to compete with your dog in a sport (e.g. agility, obedience, rally) or use your dog for a form of work (e.g. hunting, herding, livestock guarding)? If so, how much experience do you have with this work/sport?
No
Care Commitments
7) How long do you want to devote to training, playing with, or otherwise interacting with your dog each day?
I cannot commit to daily walks or fetch, but I'm home all day (and not WFH) so I will be attentive to pooch's needs and he will always get a lot of attention if not activity. I'm prepared for the fact that no two dogs are alike, and things like activity/engagement levels will adjust over time based on my dogs individual needs and his behavior.
Ideally he would spend all day with me, including multiple visits a week to my parents- where he can take advantage of a fenced yard and socialize with their two Havanese (which he would begin right away).
8) How long can you exercise your dog each day, on average? What sorts of exercise are you planning to give your dog regularly and does that include using a dog park?
Not a believer in dog parks. I think I mostly answered this question in the previous.
9) How much regular brushing are you willing to do? Are you open to trimming hair, cleaning ears, or doing other grooming at home? If not, would you be willing to pay a professional to do it regularly?
Similar to exercise I will respond to his needs. I'm not commiting up front to weekly baths and daily tooth brushing, but if his behavior or the vet indicates an area to focus I will do so. On a regular basis I mostly anticipate brushing weeklyish, nails regularly, ears/teeth etc. as needed. It will be more difficult, but the same stuff I keep up with already on my cat.
Personal Preferences
10) What size dog are you looking for?
It doesn't really matter though I'm not usually into smaller dogs.
11) How much shedding, barking, and slobber can you handle?
Barking must be minimal due to apartment living. Shedding and slobber are what they are, like anyone I would prefer zero, some is ok, with the right dog I will learn to love his slobber right? Lol
12) How important is being able to let your dog off-leash in an unfenced area?
Fairly but I'm a believer that virtually any dog is capable of this with decent training.
Dog Personality and Behavior
13) Do you want a snuggly dog or one that prefers some personal space?
I already have a cat, he gives me plenty of personal space to fill with a pooch!
14) Would you prefer a dog that wants to do its own thing or one that’s more eager-to-please?
Eager to please
15) How would you prefer your dog to respond to someone knocking on the door or entering your yard? How would you prefer your dog to greet strangers or visitors?
A bark is fine, but it needs to stop quickly both by command or naturally. Window placement means he wouldn't actually have much visibility to the front yard and cannot see people at the door.
16) Are you willing to manage a dog that is aggressive to other dogs?
No, but he will be socialized with other dogs on a regular basis right out of the gate. This is an example of where I would be apprehensive about rescuing.
17) Are there any other behaviors you can’t deal with or want to avoid?
Not that come to mind
Lifestyle
18) How often and how long will the dog be left alone?
Just for quick errands or appointments, an hour or two here or there.
19) What are the dog-related preferences of other people in the house and what will be their involvement in caring for the dog?
No one else in the home.
20) Do you have other pets or are you planning on having other pets? What breed or type of animal are they?
One cat, he has some exposure to adjustments including dogs, and I'm prepared for a slow introduction process. I'm able to block off an entire room for him with his box and he has lots of vertical options (Jackson Galaxy wouldn't be disappointed).
21) Will the dog be interacting with children regularly?
No
22) Do you rent or plan to rent in the future? If applicable, what breed or weight restrictions are on your current lease?
No
23) What city or country do you live in and are you aware of any laws banning certain breeds?
None that I'm aware of but my vet (family friend) will let me know when I talk breeds with him.
24) What is the average temperature of a typical summer and winter day where you live?
Fairly temperate with the odd spike in heat or cold, nothing unusual.
Additional Information and Questions
25) Please provide any additional information you feel may be relevant.
I'm disabled and there is a potential for a service dog. I don't think this route is worth pursuing though as the main physical service that I would benefit from is with waking (one goal with a dog is bringing some schedule and routine to my days), which any dog is inherently going to do. Otherwise the dog would mostly be serving emotional support needs (eg: providing pressure and comfort during panic attacks will be appreciated, but no need for a dog that can like alert to oncoming attacks). With that limited scope it doesn't seem like it would be worth the time and money to pursue, especially with people in much greater need out there. But, I guess I'm curious if anyone thinks that's worth pursuing.
26) Feel free to ask any questions below.
If I'm not mistaken puppy season is well upon us, if I do have to lean more into rescuing and look for a puppy- other than the obvious behavioral signs what should I look for? Are there mixes to avoid, a certain cutoff age I should set for myself, etc?

So I had previously written on how my wife emotionally abused me over my porn addiction and sexting before marriage to get what she wanted and then use my past and childhood trauma against me .
https://www.reddit.com/AsOneAfterInfidelity/comments/1cnqcox/im_not_angry_my_wife_was_involved_in_emotional/
Then her sister intevened and then we decided to move ahead . It was good for 2 weeks but then I asked him how she is going to close with AP. She said she will tell him directly but then they were going to office at different times but could not meet .
So I told her to call him in front of me and close it . She she did this .
She called and said to him to stop chatting as her husband saw the chats and he said I'm sorry I only talked like a friend etc.
I got pissed and we had another fight . This time she was angry why I'm pissed even though she ended it . I said she didn't end with telling him what he did instead made me look like a suspicious husband.
I said she would rather be polite with a guy who almost ended her marriage and can even end even now. But she said again
" Look i didn't have sex with him"
Don't make it look like an ievement, you are just months or weeks away from that .
I said " tell that your husband didn't get any evidence of you indulging in physical affair "
And brought up a trip .
Context: Around 8 months ago , she asked if she can go to a colleague wedding in another city and I agreed. But apparently she wasn't happy with the way I nodded.
I called the day she reached and she said she is in a resort. I got pissed, she has gone with 3 male and one female colleague to resort a day before marriage and did rafting , sailing etc.
When she came back and I asked her why she didn't tell, she said i never asked about it so she never told and her mom and sisters know about it .
This caused a huge fight over permission but I never suspected her of cheating but rather not asking me before she went .
I said I don't have evidence of what you did at that resort and it's human nature to protect their friends so I won't even ask them ass they will cover for you .
I know there is a high chance she didn't but I wanted to hurt her for the hurt she caused.
This causes even more issues and we had an intervention. I thought this is becoming one sided so I told this time my sister will do it . But she still brought their sister to her house .
Initially while we started talking, her other sister said to my sister " actually it's not even cheating at all" . I got pissed and it set the tone.
Unlike last time,this time her sisters kept pitching in and tempers were raising.
Also I had told my wife to stay away from priya who was the other married woman in that trip and she has deleted their chats the next day . I asked her to get it from Priya and she says Priya accidentally deleted it .
This made me angry and i said you are a whore who definitely had sex in that trip and some other bad words .
My sister and later POS brother in law(my sister's husband) kept telling me , look what happened, happened.
Think about the kids, I'm a teacher and i know how tough it is for single parent child in a country.
I said that they are not understanding that I forgave her once but her follow up action made me more angry and suspicious.
Then my pos brother-in-law started shouting that I'm a person who repeat same thing, living in past, keeps interrupting , why did I have kids when I leave like a coward etc
Why don't I sacrifice for my kids etc , thinking selfish etc .it almost led me to a shouting match and he challenged me for fist fight thinking I was just 14 when he married my sis even though he is 5'7 and I'm 5'11" .
Finally they all made me commit to counseling and then take a decision.
Now she and her sisters have made me look like a fool in front of my dysfunctional family which was the root cause for my depression in first place.
I just need a virtual hug from you because I feel that I've noone to talk to . Counselor always politically correct instead of telling someone what they feel like.
I'm so down. There is not a single person who can understand what I feel like . Everyone is talking of saving marriage but not about saving my soul which she crushed and then cheated me

So I had previously written on how my wife emotionally abused me over my porn addiction and sexting before marriage to get what she wanted and then use my past and childhood trauma against me .
https://www.reddit.com/AsOneAfterInfidelity/comments/1cnqcox/im_not_angry_my_wife_was_involved_in_emotional/
Then her sister intevened and then we decided to move ahead . It was good for 2 weeks but then I asked him how she is going to close with AP. She said she will tell him directly but then they were going to office at different times but could not meet .
So I told her to call him in front of me and close it . She she did this .
She called and said to him to stop chatting as her husband saw the chats and he said I'm sorry I only talked like a friend etc.
I got pissed and we had another fight . This time she was angry why I'm pissed even though she ended it . I said she didn't end with telling him what he did instead made me look like a suspicious husband.
I said she would rather be polite with a guy who almost ended her marriage and can even end even now. But she said again
" Look i didn't have sex with him"
Don't make it look like an ievement, you are just months or weeks away from that .
I said " tell that your husband didn't get any evidence of you indulging in physical affair "
And brought up a trip .
Context: Around 8 months ago , she asked if she can go to a colleague wedding in another city and I agreed. But apparently she wasn't happy with the way I nodded.
I called the day she reached and she said she is in a resort. I got pissed, she has gone with 3 male and one female colleague to resort a day before marriage and did rafting , sailing etc.
When she came back and I asked her why she didn't tell, she said i never asked about it so she never told and her mom and sisters know about it .
This caused a huge fight over permission but I never suspected her of cheating but rather not asking me before she went .
I said I don't have evidence of what you did at that resort and it's human nature to protect their friends so I won't even ask them ass they will cover for you .
I know there is a high chance she didn't but I wanted to hurt her for the hurt she caused.
This causes even more issues and we had an intervention. I thought this is becoming one sided so I told this time my sister will do it . But she still brought their sister to her house .
Initially while we started talking, her other sister said to my sister " actually it's not even cheating at all" . I got pissed and it set the tone.
Unlike last time,this time her sisters kept pitching in and tempers were raising.
Also I had told my wife to stay away from priya who was the other married woman in that trip and she has deleted their chats the next day . I asked her to get it from Priya and she says Priya accidentally deleted it .
This made me angry and i said you are a whore who definitely had sex in that trip and some other bad words .
My sister and later POS brother in law(my sister's husband) kept telling me , look what happened, happened.
Think about the kids, I'm a teacher and i know how tough it is for single parent child in a country.
I said that they are not understanding that I forgave her once but her follow up action made me more angry and suspicious.
Then my pos brother-in-law started shouting that I'm a person who repeat same thing, living in past, keeps interrupting , why did I have kids when I leave like a coward etc
Why don't I sacrifice for my kids etc , thinking selfish etc .it almost led me to a shouting match and he challenged me for fist fight thinking I was just 14 when he married my sis even though he is 5'7 and I'm 5'11" .
Finally they all made me commit to counseling and then take a decision.
Now she and her sisters have made me look like a fool in front of my dysfunctional family which was the root cause for my depression in first place.
I just need a virtual hug from you because I feel that I've noone to talk to . Counselor always politically correct instead of telling someone what they feel like.
I'm so down. There is not a single person who can understand what I feel like . Everyone is talking of saving marriage but not about saving my soul which she crushed and then cheated me

So I had previously written on how my wife emotionally abused me over my porn addiction and sexting before marriage to get what she wanted and then use my past and childhood trauma against me .
https://www.reddit.com/AsOneAfterInfidelity/comments/1cnqcox/im_not_angry_my_wife_was_involved_in_emotional/
Then her sister intevened and then we decided to move ahead . It was good for 2 weeks but then I asked him how she is going to close with AP. She said she will tell him directly but then they were going to office at different times but could not meet .
So I told her to call him in front of me and close it . She she did this .
She called and said to him to stop chatting as her husband saw the chats and he said I'm sorry I only talked like a friend etc.
I got pissed and we had another fight . This time she was angry why I'm pissed even though she ended it . I said she didn't end with telling him what he did instead made me look like a suspicious husband.
I said she would rather be polite with a guy who almost ended her marriage and can even end even now. But she said again
" Look i didn't have sex with him"
Don't make it look like an ievement, you are just months or weeks away from that .
I said " tell that your husband didn't get any evidence of you indulging in physical affair "
And brought up a trip .
Context: Around 8 months ago , she asked if she can go to a colleague wedding in another city and I agreed. But apparently she wasn't happy with the way I nodded.
I called the day she reached and she said she is in a resort. I got pissed, she has gone with 3 male and one female colleague to resort a day before marriage and did rafting , sailing etc.
When she came back and I asked her why she didn't tell, she said i never asked about it so she never told and her mom and sisters know about it .
This caused a huge fight over permission but I never suspected her of cheating but rather not asking me before she went .
I said I don't have evidence of what you did at that resort and it's human nature to protect their friends so I won't even ask them ass they will cover for you .
I know there is a high chance she didn't but I wanted to hurt her for the hurt she caused.
This causes even more issues and we had an intervention. I thought this is becoming one sided so I told this time my sister will do it . But she still brought their sister to her house .
Initially while we started talking, her other sister said to my sister " actually it's not even cheating at all" . I got pissed and it set the tone.
Unlike last time,this time her sisters kept pitching in and tempers were raising.
Also I had told my wife to stay away from priya who was the other married woman in that trip and she has deleted their chats the next day . I asked her to get it from Priya and she says Priya accidentally deleted it .
This made me angry and i said you are a whore who definitely had sex in that trip and some other bad words .
My sister and later POS brother in law(my sister's husband) kept telling me , look what happened, happened.
Think about the kids, I'm a teacher and i know how tough it is for single parent child in a country.
I said that they are not understanding that I forgave her once but her follow up action made me more angry and suspicious.
Then my pos brother-in-law started shouting that I'm a person who repeat same thing, living in past, keeps interrupting , why did I have kids when I leave like a coward etc
Why don't I sacrifice for my kids etc , thinking selfish etc .it almost led me to a shouting match and he challenged me for fist fight thinking I was just 14 when he married my sis even though he is 5'7 and I'm 5'11" .
Finally they all made me commit to counseling and then take a decision.
Now she and her sisters have made me look like a fool in front of my dysfunctional family which was the root cause for my depression in first place.
I just need a virtual hug from you because I feel that I've noone to talk to . Counselor always politically correct instead of telling someone what they feel like.
I'm so down. There is not a single person who can understand what I feel like . Everyone is talking of saving marriage but not about saving my soul which she crushed and then cheated me

Timestamp/Image: https://imgur.com/a/yFi6arW
Logitech G Pro X Gaming Headset with Blue VO!CE technology(in very good condition), asked for $35 shipped. (Or Local Cash; 94014) Sold.
LG GH24NSC0 Super Multi 24x DVD Writer asked for $18 shipped. (Or Local Cash; 94014) Sold.
MUSETEX Phantom Black ATX Mid-Tower Case with USB 3.0 and 6 ×120mm RGB Fans, Tempered Glass Panels Gaming PC Case Computer Chassis 907, asked for $40, (strictly for Local Cash, San Francisco, Daly City Area, Local: 94014)
PM me for payment and questions.
Sale only in CONUS, Paypal G&S only.

I always thought the lore that all the players in an Anno 1800 game were rival trading companies that, with specific exceptions, were part of and served the same Empire clashed with the game mechanic that players could declare war on each other and conquer each other’s islands by force of arms. If the companies were acting on behalf of the same country, how does it make sense that a country is basically fighting a war with itself? Well turns out there actually is precedent for such shenanigans in the 19th Century. Enter the Pemmican War, which saw two private companies, the North West Company and the Hudson Bay Company, both in the service of the British Empire, engage in multiple armed skirmishes with each other for territory and for control over the Canadian Fur Trade. This little episode in history actually saw the two companies fight a war, utilizing their own employees and Indigenous allies to fight over land that was nominally considered (at least by the European Powers) to be British. So yeah, not as crazy as I thought. This also feeds my theory that unlike popular belief and perhaps developer intention, the Old World Session isn’t actually based on Europe (otherwise the map would be full of all the mainland European homelands and their capitals with centuries of development evident, but rather North America, particularly Western North America, which did not see the massive influx of European colonizers until the 19th Century, and much of that area had a temperate forest/grassland climate like Europe

TW: suicide attempt, sexual assault, victim blaming
I'm (27F) likely going to have to disown my dad (61M), I'm 90% certain on this, and have been considering this as on option for the last 2 years, but I guess I need the opinion of strangers of the internet because that last 10% is having a choke hold on me.
Last night my Dad called me, something he hasn't done in at least the last 4-6 months. He asks how I am, we exchange niceties but I can feel that something is up. He tells me that he's stressed, it's to do with mum. First he said that I probably don't want to know, I agreed, then he doubles back and said that I needed to know, I said I absolutely don't want to know but ignores me and says because my mum (54F, they've been divorced for nearly 3 years) hasn't sold her house in another city (we'll call this house 2) yet to buy out days share of house 1, which is 30 min away from where I live now, and wants to get a lawyer involved to force mums hand to sell the house as he believes this house will sell quicker and he would get much more money for it than he would if mum bought him out.
For context: Mum and I's relationship has come a really long way, I have complex PTSD which was cause by repeated emotional, psychological abuse both mum and dad, but between them mum has been the only one to properly apologise, swallow her pride and go to therapy to work on herself and our relationship, she has literally moved mountains to make things right, and I couldn't appreciate or admire her more if I tried - I have made sure to tell her this. Dad however, hasn't changed.
This is the man who made 6 year old me sit down and watch my parents fight, which often included him accusing mum of cheating, punching walls, throwing things, and so on, then ask me to be judge and jury. This continued on right up until I left home, once my sister was born I would make sure she was safe and preoccupied in her room with toys before I was called out. I was the scape goat, my sister the golden child, dad often told me that it's my fault that him and mum are fighting, that no one in the house works harder than he does, that no one has done it tougher than him growing up. In public he'd tell everyone how well we as a family were doing, at home he'd use intimidation and fear to have my sister and I stay in line.
His love was always conditional, best example was when I moved out of home at 19 for the first time and found out I was asexually assaulted, he dropped everything to come and get me out of that situation and back home, but once we were home, he blamed me for the assault, telling me that I was taught better, that it's my fault that it happened. When I attempted suicide, he stayed home to make sure I didn't try again, but would tell me how weak I am, that his childhood was worse and he never did this, the list goes on. There is so much more that happened, but Ill keep it as brief as I can.
I was often his counsellor as a child, he has never known how to handle his emotions, very quick to anger and lose his temper over anything, once I went to counselling I recognised how unstable dad is and how he has no insight into his behaviour, he still believes to this day that he was a great parent and didnt do anything wrong. I have begged dad for many years to go to therapy but has refused. When him and mum split I had to beg him to talk to me, to be present in my life, to be my dad, and how scared I was that he'd be impulsive and end his life. I did this for about a year.
I am now married to my amazing and supportive husband who has had my back through everything and continues to have my back about this, I'm 6 months pregnant with our first child, my beautiful little family is now my absolute priority. Dad has called my husband to bitch about me, to which he's stood up for me and has told me about it, and continues to say that if he could go back and raise his kids again he wouldn't change a thing. So my husband and I have agreed that under no circumstances are we to leave our child unsupervised with dad, and that our child is not to see my dad and I fight. It has been a long standing boundary that my parents are not to talk to me about their problems regarding eachother, that I will not continue to be judge and jury. He has once again ignored this and I don't want to see or talk to him again, I want nothing to do with him and I don't want him anywhere near my child.
The only reason why I am so hesitant is because stress is terrible for pregnancy. Arguably the stress my dad is causing me is already significant, but I know the conversation to tell him to not contact me or my family, or ask other family members like my sister, mum, grandparents, and uncles/aunts about me will be huge. Particularly my grandparents would have something to say about it favouring dad as they always have, and it would be incredibly stressful to have to block them aswell. I'm more than willing to do it, not just for me, but for my family, especially for my child, I just don't know when or how, or if this is too drastic.

SKR is one of my favorite shows. I think it’s great the experiments they are doing. HOWEVER, in the back of my mind, I sometimes wonder what’s going to happen if whatever is under the triangle or the mesa…gets tired of being poked and prodded and decides to “vent” to their temper. Depending on how mad they are, could it be “goodbye Salt Lake City, “goodbye” Provo and maybe “goodbye” Las Vegas and points west…LA anyone? Just something I have been thinking about.

Whatifalthist is going to make a video about Jewish civilization, I'm begging you to beg him as I'm technically a member of the Muslim community (I gave my shahada) to cover the Jewish enlightenment and specifically how Halakha's reform can be transferred to sharia or at least its method of being politically dissolved. Halakhic law and Sharia law both mean variations on "the path" but in Islam they are not seen as a moral code that you cannot force on anyone else to commit to, even as another Muslim. If there has ever been a historical opportunity of such great moment for reddit history activists it is now!
there is no way that this can be done at the necessary speed without help, even in Europe they first looked to their glorious past in a renaissance for centuries and only in the late 1600's did the Enlightenment start. Forgive me if this offends soldiers, but I must be honest here. Many Afghan American allies were slaughtered when we left women and children under gender oppression in Afghanistan in spirit depend on your help today, those mothers and wives and children are as much gold star families as anyone else. We need our enlightenment now, not one day, not tomorrow, NOW.
One day there will be another civilization of two cities, but instead of Athens tempered by Jerusalem, it will be Babylon tempered by Mecca. Make sure they know your quality, before you meet them.
I am in love with Middle Eastern civilization, but obviously I was born and raised in America (I'm a Guatemalan American convert/revert) so my loyalties are Western and American, but with all my heart, I mean this country no harm, and I do not offer up blasphemy laws or other restrictive laws that form a "creeping shariah".
Dennis Prager has opened my eyes. His book: "Still the Best Hope" offers a political trinity (not a theological one) of American Values, namely, In God We Trust, Liberty, E-PLURIBUS UNUM. These enumerated values are the best yet produced by man. Any country that takes them on has done much better, even as they've grown smaller in the global imperial sense of the term.
There will be no peace and prosperity in the Middle East or anywhere Islamic civilization has a border if the Islamic Enlightenment Never Happens.

It's as the title says. I've been playing Skyrim for ages, and I have multiple saves separated by profiles in MO2. On all of them, I have FSMP and its requirements, it works perfectly, etc. Artesian Cloaks is fully functional on all saves and profiles, except for one. On all saves, FSMP is fully functional as well.
However I recently decided to get Legacy for the first time, I installed all the associated patches for it, loaded the game, and played. All FSMP mods work perfectly and beautifully on this profile and its saves, except for Artesian Cloaks. Everything else is fine, just not this mod.
I have run LOOT several times over, FNIS, I've changed my load order manually to move various patches around, and none of it works. Artesian Cloaks just outright does not seem to work with Legacy installed.
I've also tried to reinstall FSMP and all requirements, all cloaks, XP32, Artesian Cloaks, all patches, and so on, multiple times now. Still, Artesian Cloaks only works on saves that don't use Legacy, and it does not work on the one with Legacy.
Has anyone else encountered this issue, and if so, did you find a fix? If you found a fix, what was it?
Here's my modlist for the profile:

# This file was automatically generated by Mod Organizer. +Folkvangr - Grass and Landscape Overhaul +Nature of the Wild Lands 2.0 +Nature of the Wild Lands - Riverwood Keep Patch +Lord of Coldharbour Armor and Harkon outfit replacer +SV Skjor NPC Replacer +Resplendent Armor and Greatsword SE textures +Resplendent Armor and Greatsword SE +Legacy of the Dragonborn Patches (Official) +Auriel's Armor (Ancient Falmer Armor) - Red +Legacy of the Dragonborn +XP32 Maximum Skeleton Special Extended +Winter Is Coming SSE - Cloaks +Wildwood Echoes +Weapons Collection 3 +Weapons Collection 2 +Volkihar Knight - Vampire Armor +Vivid Weathers - Definitive Edition +Vanilla hair remake +Vallaslin Face Tattoo's Warpaint +UIExtensions +True Ayleid Race +Thrones of Skyrim +The Great Cities - Minor Cities and Towns SSE Edition +The Grand Paladin - 2021 (Remake) +The Eyes of Beauty - Vampire Eyes SE +The Axe of the Nordic Kings (ENG and RUS) +The Art of Beard - New Facial Hairs +Tera Armors Collection Special Edition UUNP +Talos Housecarl Armor Pack +Talkative Dragons +Storm Knight's Legacy Armor +Starsight Eyes +Sound Record Distributor +Solitude Docks +SMP-NPC crash fix +SkyUI +SkySight Skins - Ultra HD Male Textures and Real Feet Meshes (4K2K HIGH) +Skyrim Unlimited Rings and Amulets SSE +Skyforge Weapons SSE +Shields Of Glory SE +Shields Of Glory - Temper Patch +SC - Barsaebic Ayleid Armor for Argonia +RS Children Overhaul +Royal Armory - New Artifacts +Rourken's Relics +Riverwood Keep SE patch +Riverwood Keep SE +Relentless +Relationship Dialogue Overhaul - RDO SE +Realistic Water Two SE +Realistic Elven Children (Aymar and friends reimagined) +RDO - Skyrim Unofficial Patch +RDO - AFT Patch Final +Rainbows over Waterfalls +RaceMenu +RaceCompatibility with fixes for SSE +Prisoner cart fix SMIM -Prince and the Pauper SE patches +Practical Female Armors +powerofthree's Tweaks +powerofthree's Papyrus Extender +Paradise City for Vanilla Skyrim Special Edition +PapyrusUtil SE - Modders Scripting Utility Functions +Papyrus Tweaks NG +Outfit Manager +Obi's HeadHunter Armor 2K +Northern Armor Set +Nordic Adventurers Armor SSE +Niohoggr Warpaints +Neocatzeo's Resurrection Rod +My Home is Your Home +Multiple Marriages SSE +MultiCraft +More Bandit Camps SSE +Modern Brawl Bug Fix +Miraak - Dragonborn Follower SE +Lionheart - Johnskyrim +Legendary Alpha Shields 2 +Legendary Alpha Shields +KS Hairdos SSE +KS Hairdos - HDT SMP (Physics) - Unisex +KS Hairdos - HDT SMP (Physics) +Kirax_OVR_Draugr +Kirax_OVR_Collection_M +Kirax_LoA_Paladin_Platinum +Kirax_LoA_Berserker_Legendary_Frost +Kirax_Hair_Pack_M +Kirax_ACV_Thor +Kenokun's Warpaints +Kanjs War Horns +JS Armored Circlets SE +JContainers SE +Invisible Armors Enhanced +In the Shadow of the Crown - No Stone Unturned Alternative +Improved Eyes Skyrim +Immersive Weapons +Immersive Armors +Ilieh - Cry of the Damned +Hvergelmir's Aesthetics - Beards +Humanoid Vampires SE fix +Humanoid Vampires SE - Vampires use normal faces and Serana's eyes variant +Horse Armors SSE +Holy Templar Magic +High Poly Vanilla Hair +High Poly Head SV Beards +High Poly Head SE +Helmet Perk Remover +Hearthfire multiple adoptions - Now with custom home support for kids and spouse +HDT-SMP Physics Racemenu Hairs and Wigs Unisex - Male and Female - CBBE 3BA - BHUNP - HIMBO +Guard Dialogue Overhaul SE +Guard Dialogue Overhaul MCM +Glowtastic SSE +FSMPM - The FSMP MCM +Fortify Enchanting +Fores New Idles in Skyrim SE - FNIS SE +Flying Mod Overhauled +Flying Mod Beta by porroone and Flying Mod Overhaul by Indefiance (Converted for SSE) +Flickering Sunlight Shadows Fix +Faster HDT-SMP +Face Discoloration Fix +Extended Guard Dialogue +Enchanting Freedom +Dwemer Spectres Special Edition +Dwemer Outfit - Morrowind Style +Dragon Wall Wisdom - Readable Dragon Walls +Dragon Priest armor SE port (original mod by Backsteepo) +Dragon Breath VFX Edit +Don't Show Headgears +Divine Cloaks +Distant Dragon Roars +DCR - King Crusader Mega Pack +DCR - King Crusader Heavy War Regalia +Dae's Titanblade - Standalone Dwarven Greatsword +Dae's Titanaxe - Standalone Battleaxe and Boss Fight +Crown Helmets Redux +Crash Logger SSE AE VR - PDB support +Crash Logger +Craftable Ayleid Items from Beyond Skyrim Bruma +Convenient Horses +ConsoleUtilSSE +Comfy Dwemer Beds +Cloaks of Skyrim SSE +Chillwind Depths CTD Fix +Cheeky Kids +Chapter II - Jeremy Soule Inspired Music +Celtic Music in Skyrim - SE +Castle Volkihar Rebuilt - SSE +Carry Weight Modifiers +Caliente's Beautiful Bodies Enhancer -CBBE- +Bulk Enchanting Redone +Body Paints patch +Body Paints 3 +Body Paints 2 +Body Paints +Blackreach Eerie Ambience +Beyond Skyrim - Wares of Tamriel SE +Beyond Skyrim - Bruma DLC Patch +Beyond Skyrim - Bruma Assets +Beyond Skyrim - Bruma +Better MessageBox Controls +Beards of Power +BDOR SAM Addon - Atanis +BDOR SAM Addon - Anemos +BDOR SAM Addon - Aker Guard +Base Object Swapper +Bandolier - Bags and Pouches Classic +Bandit Lines Expansion +Ayleid Lich Crown - Cut Content Restored (Anniversary Edition - The Cause) +Axe Of The Sea +Auriel's Quiver and Arrows - Gold and Argent Retexture +Auriel's Chapel Restored +Auriel's Bow - Gold and Argent Retexture +Artesian Cloaks of Skyrim +Armor of Hircine +ApachiiSkyHair SSE helmet wigs +ApachiiSkyHair SSE +Animated Wings Ultimate +Animated Ships Patches +Animated Ships +Ambient Warfare +Amazing Follower Tweaks SE +Alduin's Champion - a Boss Mod +Aetherium Armor and Weapons Compilation by lautasantenni +Aetherial Crown +Address Library for SKSE Plugins +Achievements Mods Enabler +[Kirax] BDOR 2024 Collection - Male -(ESL) Dwemer Dogs Companions SE *Creation Club: _ResourcePack *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE001-Fish *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE025-AdvDSGS *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE037-Curios *Creation Club: ccQDRSSE001-SurvivalMode *DLC: Dawnguard *DLC: Dragonborn *DLC: HearthFires *Unmanaged: anyonefollows2 *Unmanaged: ApachiiHairMales 

Hi there, welcome to my post! Feel free to make an offer for anything listed :D
The Boring Stuff: - Items come from a non-smoking home, and are all new / never used unless noted. Used items have photos showing usage. - Prices exclude shipping & insurance, to be calculated to your zip code ($5+).

ISO List

(trades only, not looking to purchase at this time. Will also look at lists!)

• Imaginary Authors: A City on Fire, Memoirs of a Trespasser, O Unknown, Saint Julep, Whispered Myths
  
• Too Faced mini Gingerbread Spice palette
  
• Too Faced mini Salted Caramel palette
  
• Tetris x Ipsy brushes
  
• Christophe Robin Regenerating Hair Mask - FS or multiple minis from beauty boxes
  
• Necromancy Cosmetica lipsticks in Ancient Queen, Lydia, Solis Mortem, or Ophidian
  
• Try me on lip scrubs (new please)
  
• Pat McGrath Subversive palette (also interested in other gold PM items)
  
• Lalique fragrances: Fleur Universelle, Or Intemporel, Silver, Zamak, and Zinc
  
• Jo Malone fragrances: particularly interested in Bloomsbury (non-floral - Leather & Artemisia, Tobacco & Mandarin, and Whiskey & Cedarwood) and Ginger Biscuit, but try me
  
• Zoologist samples
  
• Marc Jacobs fragrances: Ginger Cocktail
  
• Diptyque fragrances: Eau Lente and Eau Duelle
  
• Ginger / clove forward fragrances in general...if someone has a decant of CB I hate perfume Gingerbread that would be awesome
  

Palettes, Kits, and Sets

Anastasia Beverly Hills eyeshadow singles, listed L-R, top then bottom. $25 for the 4 shadows, or priced individually below: - ABH eyeshadow single in Wine, full size, swatched - $8 - ABH eyeshadow single in Surface of the Sun, full size, swatched - $8 - ABH eyeshadow single in Chocolate Crumble, full size, new - $8 - ABH eyeshadow single in Metal, full size, swatched - $8
Benefit Greeting From Cabana Glama DesTANation Makeup Kit, used as shown - $15
Karl Lagerfeld x ModelCo Minaudière with Mini Lip Kit, full size, NIB P - $100 Includes: - Minaudière hard clutch / makeup bag, with attachable (heavy) chain to use as a shoulder bag and dust bag - Full-size Lip Liner in Rosewood (0.05 oz.) - 2 Mini Lip Glosses in Ramatuelle and St Tropez Sunset (0.04 oz. each) - 2 Mini Lipsticks in Kate and Stella (0.05 oz. each)
Flesh Starshine eyeshadow palette, full size, new. Open. Back of palette. - $20
Kat von D Shade + Light eyeshadow palette in Plum, full size, used 2x as shown. Back of palette. - $10
Make Up For Ever MUFE 9 artist shadow palette Volume 4 (shades 100, 842, 240, 620, 806, 536, 126, 546, 530), full size, used 2x as shown. Back of palette. - $25
Smith & Cult Book of Eyes quad palette in Noonsuite (bronzey), full size, NIB - $25
Tarte Be Your Own Tarteist Eye & Cheek Palette, used as shown - $20
Urban Decay Naked Cherry palette, full size, NIB - $40

Eyes

Brows:
Anastasia Beverly Hills ABH Clear Brow Gel, travel size (2.5ml), NIB - $7
ModelCo More Brows in Light / Medium, Full Size - $10
Ulta Brow Tint in Medium, full size, new - $6
Eyeliner:
BareMinerals Lasting Line Long-wearing Eye Liner in Absolute Black, Full Size, New - $10
Beauty For Real I-Line 24-7 Eyeliner in Black Magic, full size, new - $10
Estée Lauder Automatic Eye Pencil Duo Refill in Charcoal, full size, NIB - $10
Lancome Drama Liqui-Pencil in Noir Intense, Travel Size, .018oz - $5
Laura Geller I-Care Waterproof Eyeliner in Charcoal, Full Size - $10
NYX Jumbo Eye Pencil in Milk (white), full size, new - $3
Sephora Waterproof Contour Eye Pencil in 33 Love Affair (plum), new, travel size (.017oz) - $3
Stila Smudge Stick Waterproof Eyeliner in Stingray (jet black), full size, NIB - $15
Tarte Sex Kitten Eyeliner in Black, travel size (half size, .0035oz), new - $8
Ulta Dual-Ended Liner, in Halo & Black/Brown, Full Size - $3
Victoria's Secret Very Sexy Sparkling Eyeliner in Blacklight, Full Size, cracked cap used 2x - $5
Eyeshadow:
Kat Von D KVD Metal Crush Eyeshadow in Thunderstruck (warm white gold), full size (.1oz), swatched - $12
Laura Geller Baked Marble Eyeshadow in Amethyst, full size, new - $12
Maybelline Expert Wear Eyeshadow in Amethyst Smokes, used 3x - $2
NYC HD Color Trio Eye Shadow in Late Night Latte, Full Size, used 5x - $2
NYX Prismatic Eyeshadow Single in Punk Heart (plum with purple shimmer), full size, used as shown - $3
Trestique Color and Smudge Shadow Crayon in Marimoto Pink Pearl, full size, NIB - $15
Ulta Eye Shadow singles Duo in Petite (light beige matte) and Beauty Junkie (mauve glitter), both full size (.06oz), both new - $8 for the pair
Ulta Eye Shadow Palette in Lace, Charm, Nostalgia, Vintage, Delicate, and Seaside, .21oz, new - $6
Lashes:
Eyelure London Limited Edition Party Lashes in Snow Princess, full size, NIB - $3
Wet n Wild Fantasy Makers Blue Glow in the Dark Lashes, full size, NIB - $2
Mascara:
BellaPierre Volume Lash Waterproof Mascara, full size, new & sealed - $10
Butter London Double Decker Lashes Mascara in Black, travel size (.18oz), NIB - $6
Clinique Chubby Lash Mascara in 01 Jumbo Jet (black), travel size (4ml), NIB - $5
Clinique High Impact Mascara in black, half size (.15oz), new - $10
Clinique Lash Power Flutter-to-Full Mascara in 01 Black Onyx, travel size, new - $8
Estée Lauder Sumptuous Knockout Mascara in 01 Black, travel size (.09oz), new - $10
Julep Length Matters Mascara in Jet Black, travel size (.2oz), NIB - $8
Laura Geller StyleLASH Intense Lengthening Mascara, FS (.33oz), NWOB - $14
Maybelline Great Lash Mascara in Black, travel size (.15oz), new - $2
Pur Big Look Mascara with Argan oil, full size (.12oz), new - $6
Ulta Amped Lashes Mascara in Jet Black, full size, new - $6
Ulta Beauty Maximum Lashes Defining and Lengthening Mascara, full size, new - $6

Lips

Lip Gloss, Balms, & Stains:
ChapStick Lip Butter in Green Tea Mint, full size, NIB - $2
First Aid Beauty FAB Ultra Repair Lip Therapy, full size (.5oz), new - $8
Jane Iredale SPF 15 Lip Drink Lip Balm in Flirt (sheer pink), full size, NIB - $10
MAC Vamplify Lip Gloss in Suggestive, FS, new - $12
Mally Beans High Shine Lip Gloss in Pilar Bean, DS (.07oz), new - $6
NYC City Proof Extended Wear Lip Gloss in Mauving All Night #458, Full Size - $3
Philosophy High-Gloss Lip Shine in Fresh Cream, full size (.4oz), new and sealed - $6
Pur Chrome Glaze High-Shine Lip Gloss In DIY (pinky nude), full size (0.07 oz), NIB - $10
Ulta Double Duty Lip Stain and Balm in Drama (Dark Red), full size, new - $4
Ulta Double Duty Lip Stain and Balm in Romance (Pink), full size, new - $4
Urban Decay Revolution Lip Gloss in Savage (bright pink), travel size (.05oz), new - $5
Whole Foods organic lip balm in Peppermint, full size, new and sealed - $1
Whole Foods organic lip balm in Pomegranate Orange, full size, new and sealed - $1
Whole Foods organic lip balm in Tangerine, full size, new and sealed - $1
Victoria's Secret Beauty Rush Lip Balm in Minty Kiss, Full Size - $3
Lip Liners & Primers:
Kat Von D Everlasting Lip Liner in Homegirl, full size (.25g), used 2x as shown - $10
Milani Color Statement Lip Liner in 02 True Red, full size, new - $2
Tarte Tarteist Lip Crayon in Thirsty (bright red), .01oz, NIB - $10
Lipstick - Liquid:
Julep It's Whipped Matte Lip Mousse in At Midnight (Fireball Red Matte), full size (.14oz), new - $10 for 1, $16 for 2
Julep It's Whipped Matte Lip Mousse in Love Potion (Bronzed Black Metallic Matte), full size (.14oz), new P - $10 for 1, $16 for 2
Julep It's Whipped Matte Lip Mousse in Pillow Talk (Victorian Pink Matte), full size (.14oz), new - $10 for 1, $16 for 2
Julep It's Whipped Matte Lip Mousse in Say Hello (Rich Marsala Matte), full size (.14oz), new - $10 for 1, $16 for 2
Julep It's Whipped Matte Lip Mousse in XOXO (Femme Fuchsia Matte), full size (.14oz), new - $10 for 1, $16 for 2
Laura Geller Lip Silk Liquid Lipstick in French Kiss (soft pink), full size, new - $10
Maybelline Color Sensational Vivid Matte Liquid Lip Color in Nude Flush , Full Size, swatched 1x - $3
NYX Suede Cream Liquid Lipstick in Orange County (bright orange), travel size (.05oz), new - $4, or 2/$6
NYX Suede Cream Liquid Lipstick in Pink Lust (bright pink), travel size (.05oz), new - $4, or 2/$6
NYX Cosmetics Soft Matte Lip Cream in Transylvania (deep wine), full size (0.27 oz), new - $4, or 2/$6
OCC Lip Tar in Disintegration (pale plum metallic), full size, NIB - $12
OCC Lip Tar in Hoochie (magenta / purple), full size, NIB - $12
Tarte Lip Sculptor, Lipstick & Lipgloss, in VIP (cool nude), travel size (1.5g lipstick 1ml lipgloss), new - $10
Tarte Tarteist Lip Paint in Bae (red), full size, new - $13
Lipstick - Bullet & Pencil:
Almay Demi-Sheer Creme Lipcolor in 80 Demi Mauve, full size, used 3x as shown - $8
Bite Beauty Luminous Creme Lipstick Topper, no shade listed but a shimmery bronze, full size, new - $18
Bite Beauty High Pigment Pencil in Rhubarb, full size (.09oz), used 1x - $10
Bite Beauty Matte Cream Lipstick in Barberry (cool dark plum), full size, used as shown - $16
DCA Lipstick in No. 108, full size, used 2x as shown - $4
Estée Lauder All-Day Lipstick in Ancient Brick, full size, swatched as shown - $12
Estée Lauder Pure Color Envy Sculpting Lipstick in Irresistible, full size (.12oz), new P - $15
Illamasqua Glamour Lipstick in Tease (pale Nude), full size, used 3x - $12
Kat Von D Studded Kiss Lipstick in Homegirl (satin matte berry), travel size (.04oz), used as shown - $6
Kat Von D Studded Kiss Lipstick in Poe (cool metallic blue), full size, NIB - $12
Kat Von D Studded Kiss Lipstick in Roxy (purple), mini size (1g), used 1x as shown - $6
Korres Matte Twist Lipstick in Tempting Coral, full size (.05oz), new - $10
Lancome Rouge Absolu Lipstick in Rose Espace, full size, used 3x as shown - $12
Laura Geller Color Brilliance Lustrous Lipstick in Cute, full size, new - $12
Laura Geller Italian Marble lipstick in Strawberry Toffee, full size, new - $12
MAC Retro Matte Lipstick in Flat Out Fabulous (bright pink/purple), full size, new - $12
Makeup Academy Lipstick in Persian Rose (bright pink), full size, used 1x - $3
Makeup Revolution Scandalous Lipstick in Depraved (violet), full size, used 1x - $3
NARS Velvet Matte Lip Pencil in 413 BLKR (fuchsia), full size (.08oz), new - $16
NARS Velvet Matte Lip Pencil in Let's Go Crazy (cool fuchsia), 3/4 size (1.8g, FS is 2.4g), new - $10
Nudestix Magnetic Matte Lip Color in Greystone (greige), .088oz (FS is .1oz), new - $12
NYC Lipstick in Fragile Pink, Full Size - used as shown - $2
NYC Ultra Moist Lip Wear in Blossom #316, Full Size, Used 2x - $2
NYC Ultra Moist Lip Wear in Ruby #305, Full Size, Used 2x - $2
Sephora Collection Rouge Cream in #49 Belly-Dancing (red), mini (.03oz, FS is .14) - $2
Smashbox Be Legendary Cream Lipstick in Inspiration (cool fuchsia), .08oz (FS is .1oz), new - $10, or 2/$15
Smashbox Be Legendary Cream Lipstick in Legendary (cool red), .08oz (FS is .1oz), new - $10, or 2/$15
Smashbox Be Legendary Cream Lipstick in Tabloid (cool violet), .08oz (FS is .1oz), new - $10, or 2/$15
Ulta Lipstick in Cherry Picked 202 (medium true red), Full Size, Used 1x - $4
Urban Decay x Gwen Stefani lipstick in Spiderweb (satin red cream), full size, NIB - $12
Urban Decay Matte Revolution Lipstick in Temper (red-orange), full size, NIB - $12
Urban Decay Vice Lipstick in Phone Call (bright pink with cream finish), full size, NIB - $10
Wander Beauty Wanderout Dual Lipstick in Wanderberry (rich burgundy), half size (.07oz), new - $10
Winky Lux Matte Lip Velour in Royal (purple), .14oz, NIB - $10

Face

Blush:
Lancome Blush Subtil in in Rose Fresque, full size (.18oz), used as shown - $12
Ulta Cheek Palette in Fresh Glow Highlighter and Nude Pink Blush, .155oz, new - $5
Bronzer & Contour:
BareMinerals BareSkin Serum Bronzer in Sheer Sun, Travel Size (.1oz) - $3
St. Tropez One Night Only Finishing Gloss, travel size (.16oz), new - $2
Foundations, Concealers, CC Cream, & Powders:
Bee Naturals Tinted Moisturizer in Shade 2 (Medium/Dark), Full Size (1oz) - 1/$15 or 2/$20
Benefit Porefessional Pore Minimizing Makeup in Shade 1, travel size (.16oz), new - $10
Dermablend Loose Setting Powder, travel size (.11oz), new - $10
Jane Iredale Smooth Affair, travel size (.24oz), new - $8
Julep Cushion Complexion concealer 5-in-1 Skin Perfector with Turmeric in 200 Nude, full size, NIB - $18
Laura Geller Balance-N-Brighten Baked Foundation in Medium, full size, new - $15
Laura Mercier Translucent Loose Setting Powder, travel size (.12oz), new - $6
Pixi by Petra Beauty Bronzer in Summertime, Travel Size, .16oz - $4
Highlighters:
Laura Geller Baked Gelato Lace Illuminator in Ballerina, full size, new - $15
Laura Geller Baked Golden Rose Highlighter, full size, new - $12
P/Y/T Upgrade Highlighter in Backstage Pass (warm shimmer nude), .07oz, NIP - $8
Primers & Setting Sprays:
Becca First Light Priming Filter, travel size (.2oz), NIB - $7
Japonesque Velvet Touch Primer, travel size (.3oz), new - $8
Laura Geller Spackle Even Tone Primer, travel size (.5oz), new - $6
Pur Correcting Primer, travel size (.3oz), new - $10
Too Faced Hangover 3-in-1 Face Primer & Setting Spray, travel size (.06oz), NIB - $4
Too Faced Hangover Replenishing Face Primer, travel size (.16oz), NIB - $4
Urban Decay All Nighter Long Lasting Makeup Spray, travel size (.5oz), new - $6

Skincare & Body

BareMinerals Skinlongevity Vital Power Infusion, full size (1.7oz), new - $35
Bliss Leave it to Cleavage, Travel Size, .5oz - $4
Bliss Triple Oxygen Instant Energizing Foaming Mask, new, travel size (.16oz) - $3
Clinique Dramatically Different Moisturizing Gel, new, Travel Size (.5oz) - $4
Clinique 7 Day Scrub Cream, travel size (1oz), new - $5
Daily Concepts Exfoliating Body Scrubber - $5
Elizabeth Arden Prevage Daily Anti-Aging Serum, Travel Size, .17oz - $8
Erborian Bamboo Creme Frappe Skin Reviving Gel, new, travel size (.17oz) - $4
Estée Lauder Advanced Night Micro Cleansing Foam, travel size (1oz), new - $6
Estée Lauder Revitalizing Supreme+ Global Anti-Aging Cell Power Creme, .5oz, new - $15
First Aid Beauty FAB Facial Radiance Intensive Peel, travel size (.34oz), new - $6
First Aid Beauty FAB Ultra Repair Cream, travel size (1oz), new - $6
First Aid Beauty FAB Ultra Repair Cream Intense Hydration in Honeysuckle, travel size (1oz), new - $6
First Botany Cosmeceuticals 50X Strength Hyaluronic Acid Serum, .5oz, new - $8
MAC Cleanse Off Oil, travel size (.2oz), new - $4
Milk Makeup Sunshine Oil, Sample, .1oz - $2
Murad Age Reform Nutrient-Charged Water Gel, travel size (.25oz), NIB - $10
Omorovicza Budapest Magic Moisture Mist, full size (1.7oz), NIB - $65
Omorovicza Balancing Moisturizer, full size (30ml), new - $50
Perricone MD Blue Plasma Cleansing Treatment (gentle cleanser), travel size (2oz), new - $18
Perricone MD Cold Plasma Plus + Eye Cream, travel size (.25oz), new - $30
Proactiv Skin Purifying Mask, travel size (1oz), NIB - $10
Shiseido Ultimune Power Infusing Concentrate, travel size (.33oz), new - $15
Strivectin TL Advanced Light Tightening Neck Cream, travel size (.25oz), NIB - $10
Toulon Mineral Infusion Serum-92, 1oz - $6
Whish Self-Tanner, Travel Size (.75oz) - $2

Hair / Tools / Nail Polish / Etc

Alterna Haircare Caviar Anti-Aging Miracle Volume Mist, travel size (1.4oz), new - $6
Bumble & Bumble BB Pret-a-Powder, travel size (.5oz), used 1x - $8
Essie Nail Lacquer in Say it Aint Soho (metallic copper), full size, new - $5
Fatboy Spray Putty, full size (4.8oz), new - $15
Julep Color Treat Polish in It Girl Lillian (pink creme), full size, new - $8
Living Proof TBD Multi-Tasking Styler, travel size (1oz), new - $7
OPI Nail Lacquer in Can i Bairro This Shade (dusty teal), full size, new - $5
OPI Nail Lacquer in The Taupe of the Iceberg, full size, new - $5
Phyto Paris Phytoelixir Cleansing Care Hair Cream, travel size (1oz), new - $8
Phyto Paris Intense Hydrating Brilliance Mask (Dry Hair Phytojoba), 1.7oz, NIB - $8
Matrix Total Results Miracle Creator Multi-Tasking Treatment, travel size (1oz), new - $3
Urban Decay Heavy Metal loose glitter in Reverb (blue), full size (.10oz), NIB - $10

Fragrance

Full Size
Aromachology Exotic & Spicy EDP, full size (1.7oz), used 1x - $40
Jo Malone English Oak & Redcurrant Cologne, full size (3.4 oz), sprayed 1x - $100
Penhaligon's Heartless Helen, full size (75ml) in box, used 3x - $160
Ralph Lauren Polo Sport for Women, used as shown - $12
Travel Size
Armani Air di Gioia EDP, travel size spray (.5oz - bigger than a rollerball), NIB - $20
Armani Sky di Gioia EDP, travel size spray bottle (.5oz - bigger than a rollerball), NIB - $20
Bvlgari Au The Rouge EDC, travel size (.17oz), used 2x - $10
Candie's Candie's EDT, travel size (.5oz), about 60% remaining - $5
Lush All Good Things solid perfume, travel size (12g), used 1x as shown - $15
Origins Ginger Essence Sensuous Skin Scent, travel size (.5 oz), used as shown (about 80% remaining) - $12
Philosophy Pure Grace EDT spray, travel size (.5oz), NIB - $15
Samples 3/$5
Atelier Cologne Vanilla Insensée Cologne Absolue, sample size + postcard, new - $3
Burberry Mr. Burberry EDT, sample size (2ml), new - $2
Calvin Klein Eternity for Men EDT, sample size (1.2ml), new - $2
Clean for Men Classic EDT, sample size (1ml), new - $2
Versace Eros EDT, sample size (1ml), new - $2
Viktor & Rolf Spicebomb EDT, sample size (1.2ml), new - $2.