Photosynthesis diagram second grade

believe it or not, i dont want to die sad. but how does one die feeling happy? feeling at peace? i too do not know how, but i want to try to find the answer today. i want to sleep forever, now. so i want to try my best to give you a brief recap of how ive been suicidal and depressed till now.
to be honest i didnt know how it exactly started. when did i feel depressed? no, scratch that. when did i feel sad for no reason? ninth grade. i cant remember the specifics now, but i do remember trying to drown myself, my first attempt of suicide, because of my grades. i was 13, i felt hopeless, my mom got mad at me, and we didnt have the closeness of our relationship that we have now. i became more sad when i reached my senior year of high school, grades 11 and 12. i had my first heartbreak (cliche as it sounds) and i sabotaged all my friendships. i was a bad friend, i was getting into smoking and drinking--i made both of them my coping mechanism. i spent my days lying in bed, crying in the mornings before school started inside the bathroom stalls, i skipped classes and traveled on my own and smoke and drink--people believed i was 18. but i was 16. i was 16, but i felt like my inner machinery was already tarnished. i chased love but turned away the second they showed me that they liked me. i ran away from my friends and used them for my own benefit because i was 'sad' and that they should 'know' that because they were my 'friends'. but no. nobody deserves that kind of treatment. i was never saved that time, never told anyone how i truly felt. but when i did tell i immediately regretted it because they never understood my weight of emotions; i felt invalidated.
freshman year of college rolled through and i thought i was doing fine, but i wasn't. i wanted to be so much that i ended up overexerting myself. when it finally became too heavy for me i stayed out late, drank again, spent the night with my friends and didn't come home. the next day i told my mom that i had this urge to be alone, to disappear, and that my emotions were all so heavy that i was becoming more sad everyday that even i didn't know the reason. before i could say i wanted help, she told me instead the opposites of what i have been saying. 'ah, this must be what invalidation feels like' i thought, and thats when i knew that really, no one will understand what im going through. its the pandemic now, 2020 and im turning 18, the age of adulthood. funny enough months before that i told myself that i wanted to die, and that there was a bleach ready in out bathroom for me to try out. i thought back then, dying at 18 would be nice because it would spare me the pains of adulthood. my birthday came, i felt heavy when i woke up; i finally decided, you know. my mind was made up. but then i woke up and i hear my dad calling my mom on the phone and asking her if i was already awake, my mom sounded giddy, excited, and told my dad that i haven't woke up yet and that there's too much food on the table she's excited on how ill react. i cried. they were downstairs celebrating my birthday but i was stuck in bed thinking of ways to unalive myself. in the end i came down, wiped my tears, celebrated my birthday normally, posed for some pictures, and called it a day. that was the day i started dreading having to celebrate my birthday. same year, october, i called the suicide hotline with pills in my hand, ready to end it all. long story short, more shit happened. called the hotline, texted my cousin i was gonna die, she then called her parents then said parents called my mom. mom caught me, we cried so hard, i told her everything. we became closer then. she was my best friend and still is, and it pains me that im not the best daughter and friend she has. i wanted to take a break from school then, i wanted to see a shrink, but guess what, nothing happened. i went back to classes like nothing happened. my emotions werent compensated. i was doing everything with a broken mind. no one around me talked to me about what happened, only i relived it. i preferred if they talked to me about it, i preferred if i took a break for a while, it would have been nice to talk to someone about, talk about this unending sadness that im feeling; if i did then maybe i could be a tiny bit better. but no. i gave every feeling i had for free.
4 years passed and im still here. what am i now? things were good two years ago, but how about now? i still sabotaged everything, while trying to fix things aside. i tried to live life, but my anxiety just got worse; heck i didnt even have anxiety before. i had everything planned out three years ago, now im lost again. i dont have someone to talk to, i ruined the friendships i built with trust. i ruined my relationships with everyone and i act like the victim in my head. im a fucked up person and i wonder if my sadness and melancholy justifies all this. everyday i live with a weight on my shoulder. id say i want to try my best today with a lump on my throat. i tell my mom im having fun but then i turn to a socially awkward girl alone. i tell her im doing fine but i really want to jump off our unit. im becoming a threat to myself, im becoming so lost that i need something to believe in again. im so lonely, im so alone, but i pushed away everyone else. maybe this is all im meant to be, really. i dont think the blues will ever me leave me, ive been accustomed to feeling sad and hurt all the time that im scared of being happy. does it even suit me?
i need help. i really need to figure out whats wrong with me. ive always yearned for help. i gaslighted myself a year ago that i didnt need it anymore, i still do. but what will i do when no ones listening to me? when my parents care about imagery rather than my wellbeing? when they care about other people telling them that their daughters 'fucked in the head', well i am. and to the people who tells me that i am, well i am, and probably you guys are and your children feels the same too.
what will the girl who dreamed of becoming a beautician think about the girl who i am now? what will my other selves say about me? ill forever mourn the girl who i wanted to be. the writer, the poet, someone who writes for a living and just sits down in her room with a view. i could also work in a library or in a museum, where i could stare at art and write about it. i want to write. and im sorry lola that i didnt get to finish the story i was writing for you. im sorry im not becoming someone you wished to be. im sorry to everyone who i let down. to my mom, you really are my best friend and im thankful to everything youve done for me, and the little things youve done to make me feel better. to my dad, thank you for the sacrifices you made for us, for my education, despite not being there physically. but you know, i had a lot of trauma growing up and carrying them now because of you two. my social anxiety, the way im afraid to speak up, when im asked about something i dont respond, because everything feels like a wrong answer. and a wrong answer always equates to screaming and shouting and punishing me physically for discipline. but dont worry, i guess, i tried to accept it with love. love equals hate, after all. the two of you did your best, but im sorry. i just want to sleep now.

Hi, pretty long post, just want to share my story as reading all of yours has helped me these last few weeks, f(28). After Thanksgiving 2021, so early-mid December (I was 26 at the time), I somehow herniated a disc. Before this happened, literally right before, I was hurting with what I think was a pulled lower back muscle (hurt to sit and lay down but pain was only in my back right side and rest helped, something I dealt with several times in my life starting in like 7th grade, drs always said it was a pulled muscle). After about a week it was feeling better so I decided it was safe to roll onto my right side to sleep. Well, after that I started experiencing pain all down that side, I also had some tingling and slight numbness in my foot and ankle. It was bad enough that I wasn't comfortable for more than 20 minutes, standing was the least painful, lucky to sleep 3 hours at once even though I'd wake up in horrible pain, basically always in tears from the pain and discomfort. I went to the dr after a few weeks and was told it's sciatica and he referred me for an mri, gave me some kind of shots and ibuprofen. I don't remember what the shots were but they took away all of the pain for 8-10 hours and I was able to get some much needed sleep. One may have been toradol but I got a shot of it the day of my mri so laying on my back during the scan wasn't too uncomfortable, and it didn't help much.
About 2 months after my symptoms started, I finally got the mri and it showed a decent sized herniation. I don't remember exactly where it was in my low back, but I was then referred to a neurologist who evaluated me and suggested ESI, he was fairly certain it would get better on it's own and I wouldn't need surgery, he said it may or may not decrease in size as well. The ESI worked as far as I can tell, but at this point it had been about 3-4 months of healing on my own using heat, stretches, and ibuprofen and the pain was mostly gone, lingering around a 2 at it's worst, but 0 after the ESI. The tingling in my foot and ankle had gone away and I was slowly getting back to normal. Aside from the occasional leg muscle cramps and discomfort laying on my right side, I had been pain and symptom free for about 2 years. I went on vacation in June last year, we did a lot of walking and even a steep hike. I worked for a year and a half in a dispensary, on my feet a lot as well as bending, squatting or leaning down, lifting heavyish totes. I had no pain or symptoms from this. I was hopeful that it had healed up and I was going to be perfectly fine, but I was still mindful of my back. I quit working last year in September to go back to school, since then I had been generally sitting or laying most of the time doing homework, of course I still helped around the house and went out to do stuff. I just wasn't moving nearly as much as when I was working. I had also gone on a trip to Seattle in September where we walked almost everywhere. Again, no pain or symptoms.
That takes me to earlier this year, about late February or early March. I was doing alright, then I noticed my hips feeling a little sore, starting in the left then later on the right, like a toothache or a pinching feeling in the sides and sometimes front. I felt it most when laying on them at first. It also felt sore when I pressed certain areas on the side. It felt like my thighs or hips were a bit unstable, if that makes sense. I did stretches, no difference. One night, during a shower, I leaned down to move a bottle on the floor and felt a very slight twinge in my lower back. Still no back pain or symptoms down either leg though. I also had been randomly waking up with pain and stiffness in my right foot and ankle that would go away after walking on it. Naturally, all this scared me and I started sleeping only on my back with a pillow under my knees, no longer sitting cross-legged or with my legs tucked beside me on the couch, making sure I wasn't slouching and getting up every hour to walk for a few minutes, generally trying to take care of my back. I'm also sitting to get dressed right after most showers because of my hips and I'm nervous my legs will give out. I made a dr appointment early April and he suggested PT for my hips, he wasn't worried about my back or doing any imaging.
I started PT April 15th. She evaluated my hips, had me do some stretches (most were laying down with my knees bent, putting pressure on my low back, I'm wondering if this caused my situation) and gave me stretches to do at home 2x day, appointments 2x week for a month. I should also mention during her evaluation she pressed on my lower back and it sucked, no pain down my legs, just under her hand. The stretches helped my hips for the first week, then my lower back started getting stiff and sore when I would lay down for a few hours or more. I mentioned this to my PT, but she didn't say anything. I kept up with the stretches (on a thick mat on the floor at home, or on my bed) and my lower back slowly got worse each day. Finally, after about 4 PT appointments and 2 weeks of stretches I quit doing them. My back was in quite a bit of pain, I started occasionally getting tingling and slight numbness down both sides in my lower calves and feet (sometimes together, sometimes either side) and it was painful to lay and sit longer than an hour. Made another dr appointment, he suggested it was my muscles and told me to ice, take ibuprofen, and gave me Diclofenac 1% gel, assuring me that PT wouldn't likely cause or worsen a herniation. I was with a different PT for the next appointment and she tried a TENS machine with a heating pad for the pain after I did some stretches that didn't seem to bother my back. I didn't notice any difference. That same night I went to the ER because I got up from a nap and the tingling and numbness wouldn't go away so it scared me. They gave me a steroid shot, a steroid pack, a few T3's and 325mg Tylenols as well as an MRI referral. I don't know if the steroids helped or just the overall more aggressive and earlier treatment this time, but my pain and symptoms (despite being on both sides, not just the right side) aren't nearly as bad as the first time, yet. I'm still uncomfortable and having a horrible time, but it's been manageable. Hopefully I don't feel any worse after being off the steroids for a while. I finished them last Thursday (May 9th) and I've been taking the 325mg Tylenol as needed, making sure to take 2 before bed, I took all the T3's as needed. PT since has been focused on pain management, deep heat ultrasound, TENS machine and heat, also k-tape which seems to provide a small difference.
Yesterday morning (the 13th) I woke up to my back feeling a little stiff and sore but I'd been trying a few stretches the last couple days, maybe that's what's causing it so I'm gonna stop for now. I'm sleeping alright, thankfully, naps as I need or can. As my back has gotten better, my hips haven't. There's still a pinching toothache type of feeling in the sides and front and my thighs still feel unstable while I walk sometimes. I can't lean back on the couch, sitting in the car is uncomfortable so I keep the seat up straight, laying down I still feel pressure in my low back but it's been bearable enough to sleep so far. I haven't tried walking for longer than an hour at a time, slowly and carefully, it doesn't bother my back so much as it does my hips. I lay down for a break during the day if I need it, though I try not to lay down too much. I get up and walk around a bit every hour or so and I help with housework when I can. I use ice or heat for 15 min when I feel like it. I try to go to bed only when I know I'm sleepy so I don't just lay there. I sit outside in the Sun and try to distract myself from the pain the best I can by doing whatever. But lately, being up straight most of the day has been making my upper back a little sore and sometimes I feel what might be spasms along my back (a tense pain that goes away after a few seconds to minutes) and some cramping sensations in my legs.
My MRI is scheduled for the 20th, I'm hoping with all my heart that it's nothing horrible. I've been keeping a log of my symptoms and writing down questions for if I go back to the neurologist (which I would like to). Again, I apologize for the super long post, I just hope this helps someone feel less alone and scared. I know I've been feeling pretty awful the last three weeks, I can't imagine how you who have worse pain feel. I have so much anxiety and fear about this and all the possibilities and it makes everything so difficult. I'm 28, almost 29, and with luck, I have 50-60 years of living left and there's so much I want to do, without anxiety of injuring my back or being in constant pain. This is one of the scariest things I've ever gone through because it seems like it can get complicated really fast and really easy, no warning. I'm not giving up hope that I'll be alright, but it's hard when you get worn down through the day and feel so many different scary symptoms. Hopefully they make some kind of medical advancement in the disc herniation department that truly helps the pain or at least effectively reduces reinjury chances.
TLDR: Sharing my story, had a lower back disc herniation in Dec 2021 causing horrible sciatica all down right side. Had ESI a few months later even though pain was minimal at that point, got better and was generally pain and symptom free for about 2 years. Symptoms came back after a few weeks of PT for unexplained hip pain, this time it's effecting both sides. Been dealing with it for about 3 weeks now with various treatments, MRI scheduled for the 20th.

TLDR: Trying to figure out which scan tool from Autel or others can show cam desired versus actual on 3.6 Pentastar.
Following up on some major seevice work at 171k miles on 2014 Wrangler 3.6 / auto and need some advice please:
Changed plugs, coils, injectors, oil cooler (dorman aluminum version) timing set (Melling) and cam phasers with new control valves (Standard Motor Products).
I don’t do this for a living but am definitely on the serious side of amateur / hobbiest. I’ve probably rebuilt to spec several dozen engines ranging from 1970’s Jaguars through FJ40’s lots of GM products in 4,6,8 cylinders, light truck and commercial diesels and powerstroke Diesels. I’ve never had a failure to start, run, or last. I have and followed factory service manual for the JK Jeep. I should have been able to do this!
Startup was rough but after a few attempts at cranking she bled the injectors and fired right up. Idles smoothly. Oil pressure 91-95 PSI cold and 25-30 hot at idle. Battery and alternator voltage good (don’t recall exact value). Within a 1/4 mile I was in limp mode with traction control and check wngine lights on. All of the codes are P000a-d. “Camshaft Slow Response”. Engine runs smooth through 5000+ rpm, but shifts are limited to 4th gear. So I drive to work 18 miles each way. Next day the lights go off and everything is golden. After 3-4 restarts, limp mode is back and wont go away!
Factory service manual says oil change, then replace pcm. Nope, not at those $$. I want to know what is wrong! So I do a bit of parts cannon…. New cam position sensors, although the fault seems to be on all 4 randomly. JSCAN only says “at least one fault has been counted in this position recently”. New crank position sensor. New cam VVT Solenoids. No Changes.
Then I start tracing grounds from the solenoids and get some intermittent high resistance. Ive had weird groundingg problems before, and I realized that my battery cable terminal negative side isnt clamping well. I can lift it off the post. The harness is generally crunchy and shitty from 10 years in desert heat, so I decided to re-do them.
Pulled the entire wiring harness off the engine and yanked the battery cables out. Replaced them with 2awg and bolt-down terminals. Continuity checked every ground terminal pin to pin. No fails. Same on the power side.
Fun side note, the 2014 Factory Wiring diagram has a major typo in showing incorrect ground terminal locations!
So, put that all back, pulled valve covers again, checked timing marks against youtube. It all seems right. I did not pull the timing cover again. I did clean the bits of metal powder off the camshaft tone rings with paper towel and brake clean. Restart engine. Starts instantly. Cam rattle for about 1 second, perfectly smooth idle. Same codes within 45 seconds.
So, i need a scan tool. Factory service manual says to check desired versus actual cam and crank positions. My old scan tool was PC based AutoEnginuity, but I hate the PC aspect and the subscription lapsed about 8 years ago. So im looking at Autel, but overwhelmed by all the options with very little info.
Can anyone tell me what level of Autel can show that live position versus desired position? Should I look elsewhere?
Mechanically, can you tell me if it is possible to overtorque an oil control valve? I keep wondering if the cam phasers could be dragging because they might be too tight? But if you grab the cam with a wrench, it moves easily and moves the phaser, so the lock pins are seated.
Cost isn’t a huge concern, especially if I can find a tool with longevity, but I cant use it for work, so it wont pay back / trying to avoid the Snap-off-in-you van. I can go a long way into trying to squeeze another 150k miles out of this rig before I lay down for a new Jeep at $75k plus!
Thank you for any and all advice and ideas. Brainstorming will help and I’m grateful for it.

I am just finished my first year of undergrad and am concerned about continuing on the pre-dental path. My first semester was a large adjustment which is understandable and I got a B- in gen chem 1, I was not as concerned about this as my second semester grades. I got an A- in gen chem 2 and I was happy with the improvement although it does count as a 3.7 in my gpa. However, the class that I really struggled with is Computer Science. Unfortunately my dream major, very interdisciplinary allows for me to explore humanities while taking stem classes, requires me to get a C in CS. I sadly got a D+ meaning I will have to take the class again, I do truly feel I could do better if I retake the course it will just take away time from other classes and not help my gpa. This is detrimental to my science gpa and I just feel defeated about my chances to get into dental school. I was wondering if anyone had any advice or a similar experience.

hello ^_^ this is a throwaway acc because ive never actually used reddit before and i'm nervous about people knowing my identity, since the things im going to discuss give me a lot of anxiety. additionally, i'd like to say that if this is not the space to ask this, i completely understand and feel free to remove my post ^^ i just can't stand struggling with myself anymore, and if this isn't the space, could someone maybe direct me to somewhere else where i can discuss?
for the past ~four weeks or so i've been questioning if i'm a system. i completely acknowledge i may not be, but i'm struggling to find disorders that fit my symptoms, and i know the did/osdd spectrum is a varied experience. i am also aware you all are not mental health professionals and cannot diagnose me, nor know exactly what is going on in my head, but i suppose i'm just looking for advice. i'm a minor and currently do not have access to a therapist or mental health professionals. i live in an abusive household, and i have heavily suspected social anxiety and autism. obviously i am not diagnosed, but my experience heavily relates to these two, and people i know who are say its likely i have them. i have several friends who are systems, online and irl, and my partner is also one. ive caught myself sometime.. wondering what its like to be a system, for lack of a better word? sometimes it feels like im mentally glorifying it, which i correct as soon as i notice, because i understand did and osdd id a trauma disorder and can cause so much distress and disorder (hence the name) in someone's life. i've been doing a lot of research but i still feel unsure, and i've also talked to one of my sys friends about my experience, and they also said its possible, but also possible that i'm not. the main issue i have is memory loss. ive struggled with my memory since i was a kid and i always just labelled myself as 'forgetful', but all of my peers have told me its not normal, and the past few months its been really stressing me out. i frequently forget things people tell me, things i say or do, and sometimes why i am somewhere, although i feel that last one is a relatively normal experience; the 'walking into a room then forgetting why you're there' sort of thing. ive caught myself feeling like im on autopilot, lost in my own thoughts and being unaware of my surroundings, which sometimes makes me do nonsensical things until i sort of 'snap back into reality'- i've put salt into the fridge, thrown my tv remote into the garbage, ran into walls or doors or stubbed my toes too many times. sometimes i forget my meals for so long that i end up eating two dinners, then remember the next day that i had two dinners. just recently i made rice. i remember cooking it, and eating it, but the next day my mom asked me why i put the rice into the pots cupboard. i don't remember doing this at all. additionally, i am very very bad at time; i'll think something happened two months ago, then my friend will tell me its been a week. ive always been an extremely emotion-oriented person, so when i act out of the ordinary, i considered it mood swings. i'm a trans guy, so i thought hormones, or maybe its the autism, or maybe its a normal experience, but recently an incident happened where i was talking to my partner in a groupchat with a mutual friend and i told them some very passive aggressive things which i would normally never say and once i had calmed down and apologized for the ordeal i realized i didn't even know why i'd reacted that way. they hadn't done anything at all wrong and one of the main traits i'd say about myself is i rarely every get mad/angry, and when i do, i never express this to the people around me. several of my friends share this sentiment. due to the abuse in my household, sometimes i'll have a mental breakdown and cry for an hour, but then be completely fine afterward. the next day i almost forget the thing that upset me ever happened- meaning like, i know it did happen, and i know it made me upset, but it just doesn't feel like that big of a deal anymore, and i don't feel upset at all. its almost like, emotional amnesia, for lack of a better term. i don't feel any of the emotion i know i felt at all, and sometimes even find it hard to understand why i was upset in the first place. apparently this isn't normal, either.
the big thing that makes me believe maybe its not did or osdd is i don't often disassociate, or maybe i do? i can't really tell.. most of the time i feel its me piloting my body, if that makes sense, but i zone out a lot. something i do struggle with is knowing the world is 'real'; often it feels like im.. in virtual reality, or looking at a painting, or a screen or something, but i'm chronically online (online every moment i physically can be) so i connected it to that. sometimes when it gets late i do things i wouldnt normally do, but i believe thats also quite a general experience- sleep deprivation changing your behaviour. ive dissociated during traumatic events, which is a normal trauma response, but one specific thing i can remember is in.. 7-8th grade, i can't remember which specifically (i'm in tenth now, i'll be in eleventh next year), there was a period of about two weeks where i felt extremely derealized. it felt like i was watching my body move and do things from outside, and it wasn't caused by anything, as far as i know. it just sort of happened.
another thing that makes me think i'm not a system is i dont really hear voices in my head i hear. my own but ive always thought its my own and its like narrating what i think, i guess its never changed unless its like i randomly read what someone said in their own voice or whatever and it doesnt really say anything that im not thinking unless i have intrusive thoughts, although i can sort of.. debate, with myself. but its always felt like me, like im weighing the pros and cons of somethin, or arguing for both perspectives of an issue. i've always tried to be an open minded person and see all sides. i do talk to myself sometimes, but i do it pretty mindlessly. i never thought anything different of it, but maybe its not normal? when i was a kid, i would talk to myself out loud. i also felt lonely and in 4-7th grade i had convinced myself the wind was my friend and that i could control it. i called him 'mr wind'. don't really think this has anything to do with being a system, but some background knowledge, i suppose?
when i first started actually doing research after denying even the possibility of me being a system for ~two weeks, i did try ti communicate with my possible other parts, but i wasnt very successful. i laid down in a dark room and focused on my mind, trying to call out to anyone at all, but all the responses i got only responded after i asked a question, and refused to answer if i myself could not think of a response to the question. for that reason, i believe this was simply myself attempting to come up with a response. i also started keeping a small digital journal, in case they'd prefer to communicate that way, but nothing i havent wrote or remember writing has showed up, either.
in terms of identity, i've been.. somewhat sure of myself? i think i know who i am kind of well, but sometimes i question myself. i don't have anything significant to say on this topic, which is why i didn't bring it up earlier in the post, but i understand identity is a huge part of being a system, which is why it felt important to address somewhere.
im hesitant to talk about this, but in relation to fiction, i don't have many 'kins'. however, there is one character i feel like IS me. i have no idea how to describe it. its just whenever i see him, i feel like he IS me, like we're the same, even though we have practically nothing in common. this character is loud and confident and a perfectionist and im none of those things, quite the opposite, actually. i know this probably isn't evidence but i just find it so weird.
food is a very sensitive topic for me. i am very very picky about food, because certain textures, tastes, etc make me very prone to not liking food, and when i don't like a food i eat i vomit. like many other autistic people, i have "safe" foods, which i typically will always feel comfortable eating. but every once in a while, a food that has been "safe" for years will suddenly taste horrible or have a bad texture and it makes me vomit, which then makes me scared to eat it again. sometimes i try these foods again in the future and they become "safe" once more. i'm not sure if this can be related to being a system, but i thought perhaps it was different alters having different preferences? no idea.
i once had a dream i was a system. it wasn't like, the main focus, i just was, the plot still unfolded as usual. i know dreams are just dreams, but since im mentioning everything ever, i might as well mention this too.
i'm not sure if these can be connected to being a system at all, but i figured maaaaybe they could be, so i'll mention them anyway: feel free to disregard this section if physical symptoms don't apply
-sometimes my knees will randomly feel weak, and like its hard to walk
-sometimes a random wave of heat will wash over me for a few seconds then disappear, this can also be accompanied by ear ringing
-sometimes a certain part of my lip will twitch and no matter how hard i try it won't stop, but it only ever lasts a few minutes
-for the past few days, i've had incessant eye twitching in only my left eye, and similar to my lip no matter how hard i try it won't stop, but its a lot more common than my lip twitched and only started happening recently. i've had the lip twitch for years, but it only happens once a few months. with my eye, although it only lasts short periods like my lip, its been happening multiple times a day. i don't really treat these as part of my 'evidence', just in case, i guess
this is pretty much all of my "evidence", feel free to ask any questions in the comments. my feelings won't be hurt if you say you think i'm not a system. i'm just looking for an honest opinion, because the way i can't remember shit ever is driving me crazy. i feel like i'm faking because i subconsciously "want" to be a system to fit in and better relate to my friends and my partner, and i didn't have suspicions before they brought up how they were, so how weird is that, right? but at the same time, i'm trying to be very very honest in my experiences, because i understand misdiagnosing myself could really damage my mental health. i just don't know anymore. if you believe i'm not a system, could you perhaps point me in the direction of something else my symptoms might fit into? thank you very for your time, and your help if you decide to comment ^-^

I have a Sony UBP-X700. I paid extra to get a modded one that has region free capability (for blu-ray’s, I import sometimes.)
I have a lot of 4K discs from various companies. The Sony works fine, MOST of the time. I’ve had it freeze a few times on multi-layer 4K discs for long movies.
Tonight, the player did something I had never seen it do before. I put in the 4K for The Company of Wolves, it’s a 90min film but the disc apparently has high bitrate or multiple layers. The movie will play for a bit, and then lose signal to the TV completely (black screen) for about 5 seconds, then it comes back. It’ll do this completely randomly, even with the film paused. I’ve never had it do this on any other disc.
Desperate for a solution, I turned off Dolby Vision on the player menu, and now the movie plays fine. However, that’s extremely annoying because the disc is actually graded for DV! So, obviously I’d like to watch and utilize the DV, and should be able to!
What pisses me off is, spending over $250 for a player that can’t perform a task that MOST 4K discs (especially new films) nowadays utilize. And apparently, this is an issue with MOST 4K players! I’m so irritated, I’m almost tempted to get the Panasonic UB820 out of spite alone. That appears to be the gold standard of 4K players, but of course it costs $400+ which is honestly a hard pill to swallow… Ugh!
My gripe is, can anyone explain why we can’t get working 4K players in 2024, that don’t cost so much? Why are there so few players on the market, and the one that seems to do its job well is the most expensive, can’t we just have normal players that work??? Dolby Vision and triple layer discs aren’t a rarity, so why can’t these companies just fix their shit? There are countless blu-ray players that work perfectly, but you spend hundreds on 4K for higher quality, and the players are shabby. Is my only fix to get the Panasonic???

Okay, I just need to get this out to help me process.
For starters, I’m currently 34. Last year I had a Pap smear that was negative for HPV types 16 and 18 but positive for other high risk HPV types and “Atypical squamous cells of undetermined significance, cannot exclude high grade.” I followed up with an OB/GYN for a colposcopy which resulted in “high grade squamous intraepithelial lesion (HGSIL/CIN2-3) with endocervical gland extension.” Shortly after receiving results for the colposcopy, I was scheduled for a LEEP. Immediately prior to the LEEP, I admitted to my doctor I looked up my results online and got to pre-cancer and decided you know what I’ll wait for the doctor to explain it. The doctor said she wasn’t really worried because it wasn’t HPV 16 and 18 and the LEEP should get rid of all the abnormal cells. The results were CIN 3 with negative margins. The doctor called and said I didn’t need to come back for a colposcopy but get a Pap smear from my primary in 6 months.
Last January was that first Pap smear which resulted in HSIL. My primary doctor called and said she was referring me back to OB/GYN for another colposcopy. At the time, the soonest I could schedule was June, but later I found a sooner appointment that was at an office a little farther away. Today was the appointment. Different doctor than last time. He said it was surprising I received an abnormal result in less than a year based on the lab results of the LEEP having negative margins. This doctor seemed really concerned and laid out the plans. We would do the colposcopy today; we would also be performing a second LEEP within 4-6 weeks and he is planning on referring me to oncology. He also recommended a hysterectomy (I already have 3 teens/pre-teens as a single parent and don’t desire more anyways). During the colposcopy he found lesions further up the cervix. I should receive the lab results in about 1-2 weeks.
This whole situation has got me stressed out. Also conflicted by the different behaviors of the two doctors with the first being casually unconcerned and the second talking about wanting to refer me to oncology and for a hysterectomy before we even have a second LEEP scheduled. I’m grateful he’s telling me what he expects to happen following the LEEP, but I guess I didn’t really expect to be discussing referrals to oncology yet.

Well as a new PS5 player I have already had my shares of both incredible and absolutely rotten luck. This story has to be the worst luck I've had in my short career on the game so far. And yet somehow against all the odds I managed to come out on top! (for the most part anyway). Without further ado... A long time ago... On a sea far far away...
Our story begins with me doing some good ol grinding for the Merchant Alliance. My emissary flag was Grade 4 and I knew that one more Lost Shipment voyage would likely get me to Grade 5 so I decided to spring for that and chose to dive to it. As soon as I come up I pick up my first clue and then immediately check the map for Reapers. I see 2 on the map. One is pretty far away. Another is closer than is comfortable but not close enough that I could spot with my telescope. Weary of my unwanted neighbors I sailed to my next location.
I arrive to the next island and pick up the next clue (along with the key to the captains cabin) without incident. Until I got back on my sloop anyway. I check the map again and see that the one Reaper is now headed in my direction. Now I am aware that what I did next was very stupid. I don't need you guys to tell me because I worked that out for myself thank you very much. But I couldn't actually see them with the naked eye just yet and for some reason I wanted to wait to see if they were actually coming for me or if they were just passing me by to go somewhere else.
I wait for about a minute and eventually I see what appears to be a fully crewed Reaper Galleon. And yessir they are gunning right for me! In hindsight it is very obvious that they were definitely coming for my emissary flag but for some reason that didn't occur to me at the time. Kicking myself for wasting so much time I lower the sail and get moving but they were already gaining thanks to the headstart I idiotically gave them. The chase was on!
Now a salty old pirate once told me that no ship on the Sea of Thieves can catch a sloop that's going against the wind. I had never actually tested this for myself but now was as good a time as any! Problem with that was the wind was very much in my favor (ironically enough) and while I was fast the galleon was faster. I knew I needed to turn around but being a solo slooper making a quick turn while still keeping track of where I was going and where my Reaper friends were was easier said than done. And they had just gotten within cannon range and had started trying to take my mast down. Thankfully that effort failed but plenty of their missed chainshots were smacking into my hull which was also no good.
I see a big rock coming out of the water to the right of my boat. I decided I would use it as my opportunity to turn around and hopefully get a chance at repairing my boat. So I halve my sail and start turning around the rock. This gave me some brief cover from the Reaper but they did manage to get a couple more shots in beforehand while I was moving slower. I manage to get around the rock and put my heading against the wind but in the process managed to clip the rock on my right side. My ship now had tons of holes which I had barely gotten a chance to repair any of. And the Reaper had come around the rock at that point and were taking as many shots at me as they still could likely realizing what I was planning. I lowered my sails all the way and quickly made my way below deck to frantically repair and bail as fast as I possibly could.
Somehow I managed to salvage the sloop in the absolute nick of time. I check out the back of the boat and breathe a massive sigh of relief as I see that speed is indeed now on my side. The Reaper is still chasing but they're dropping farther into the distance.
In the excitement of the chase I hadn't gotten a chance to check where my next clue led yet. I do so now and realize I'm actually already sailing directly towards the island I need. However this presents a problem as the Reaper is still on my tail and stopping to search the island will likely give them plenty of time to catch up. I realize that unfortunately I'm going to have to sail past the island until they eventually give up.
They literally never gave up. Even with me gaining more and more distance I could still see them tenaciously still on my tail. This went on for maybe 3-4 minutes before my unexpected savior arrived. Remember that other Reaper I saw on the map earlier? Well they show up (another Galleon) seemingly out of nowhere. They likely saw my emissary flag as well but fortunately they saw the Reaper behind me and apparently decided that I was the lesser threat of the two ships. So they go right on by me to engage the other Reaper. (This is basically the only good luck I had throughout this entire tale).
I'll spare you all the minute details of the next 20ish minutes but long story short I managed to find all the other stuff I needed and eventually came upon the shipwreck whilst the two Reapers were still battling. I grab everything I need from there and check my map again. Once again it was just in the nick of time as one of the Reapers had finally sunk with the winner now coming for me once more.
I was now a Grade 5 emissary and had a good amount of loot on my boat. While I had initially intended to keep my flag up for longer I decided in the wake of the circumstances to make way for the nearest outpost and sell everything and get my flag down hopefully all before the Reaper caught up. That way I could face them head on without worrying about losing anything important.This time I managed to avoid my idiotic mistake from earlier and got moving immediately before they were even in sight. The next Outpost was close enough that I was fairly confident I could make it and do everything I needed before they got close enough to be a problem.
If only it were so easy. For it wasn't long before distinctly ominous music began playing. I'm not yet experienced enough that I knew immediately what was about to happen based off the music alone but I knew it definitely wouldn't be good as whatever appeared, dealing with it would likely burn the headstart I had on the much more pressing threat behind me. Seconds later a skeleton ship rises up right next to me. My heart sinks. Usually I'd take the time to deal with a skeleton ship myself but with the Reaper getting ever closer I simply did not have that kind of time. I knew I had no choice but to keep heading towards the outpost while fending off the skellies as best I could.
It did not go well. The skeletons were hitting me fast and the efforts of keeping my ship afloat kept me from checking that my heading was correct. I was also unable to check the position of the Reaper so while I knew that my clock was ticking I didn't know exactly when it was going to ring. I eventually managed to spot the outpost with my naked eye so I do my best to point myself at the Sovereigns and then head back down for more repairs.
I come back up to see that I'm about to crash directly into the Sovereign dock. I get on my wheel to desperately try to correct myself. I would've just barely had time to do so if a cannonball from the skeletons didn't come flying directly into my wheel and remove my steering capability. I end up crashing directly into their dock.
Knowing I wouldn't have time to position myself any better I hit the anchor and ran back down to start fixing as much as I could. It turned out to be a hopeless endeavor. For every hole I fixed the Skeletons would put a new one in me and since I was parked there was little I could do. Looking out the back of my ship I also finally see the Reaper coming. They're moving at a steady pace but still far enough that I had some time. I decide to just get onto the Sovereign's harpoon and start selling everything I could while my ship was still afloat and I still had my emissary flag.
Next problem arises: Turns out I had crashed into the dock in such a position that neither of the harpoons could reach my loot. This was now officially the worst case scenario. I had no choice but to manually move all the loot onto the dock whilst simultaneously bailing and repairing to keep my ship afloat while the skeletons continued harassing me and the Reaper crept ever closer. Somehow by the force of pure willpower I managed to sell most of the important stuff and keep the ship afloat before the Reaper finally arrived. Knowing I was officially out of time I ran for the Merchant representative as fast as I could to take my flag down. Again, at the absolute last possible second I managed to do it and collect my final payout before the Reapers opened fire on my helpless sloop. With the combined efforts of them and the Skeletons it wasn't long before my beautiful ship made her way to Davy Jones's locker.
But along with that I heard the most wonderful thing I had all day. One of the Reapers was yelling "God damn it they took the flag down!!!". They seemed to be in a general rage that they had lost out on most of the rewards from catching me. At this point I revealed myself and threw all my firebombs at their ship whilst taunting them for their wasted efforts. Of course I died in battle before long but I did so with great joy knowing that against all the odds I was the one who came out on top. And given that they had to presumably deal with the Skeleton ship after me I dare say that their hunt for me was far more trouble than I was worth. Ended up losing some of my loot but not enough to be of any major concern. Definitely not enough to make their efforts worthwhile anyway. I don't know for sure if it was the same Reaper who was hounding me from the beginning of this story but man I hope it was because that would only make my victory here all the sweeter! And thus this tale comes to it's righteous conclusion.
Fin.

As the title suggests, i am quite young, not sure i should share my exact age though. I am not trying to brag,
I have always been incredibly smart, and found many gifted classes too easy in my childhood, eventually to the point i viewed them as nothing more than extra work for the same boredom for 40 minutes(this will relate a bit later). And in any classes that weren't specifically for gifted students, i could normally keep my head down the entire lesson with headphones on, and glance over at what we were doing and understand it almost entirely, this kind of talent and ability left me completely without any need to study for the first 10 years of school, and as such, i never learned HOW to properly study, after about 4th grade, i decided to deny teacher requests to move me into gifted classes altogether, because i didnt want the extra homework for in my mind, the same amount of learning. I think this may have impacted me, because i find myself constantly worrying if it would have helped my future if i were to be in these classes.
I studied human behavior and earth science as well as physics from an incredibly young age, if i can remember as young as 5, and have always enjoyed math, i remember being able to do my sister's math homework in my head, which was four grade levels above me, and until incredibly recently, i hadn't learned a single new thing in math, or science classes, since i was in 1st grade.
I've tried to take multiple free IQ tests(dont judge me im broke) and well i know these aren't always accurate in measuring intelligence overall, i maxed out two of them, and got the second highest score possible on the third. Often times i feel like i am some sort of anomaly, and everybody else is an idiot around me, and i know this isnt necessarily true, and each person has their own talents, it seems like i am better than most people at just about everything.
Overall, i know i am smart, and i have always been talented in anything logic, or thinking, and i am confident in my own capabilities, however, i am starting to worry that my lack of development in terms of actual learning skills, may have a devastating effect on my high school career and into college, i am as my name suggests, planning on going into animation despite my zero skills in art, so i dont know how much studying will help in an animation college, but i am incredibly worried for my high school career!
P.S: if this post is weirdly written, or doesn't make sense at some parts, first off sorry for bad punctuation, second off, sorry for the bad writing, i hate going through and polishing text blocks.

Round 1, Pick 6 - Malik Nabers, WR, LSU:
NFL: Nabers possesses the competitive fire and instincts teams look for in an elite receiver. The LSU wideout is a big-time playmaker who can make the game easier for Daniel Jones with his route-running and yards-after-the-catch ability, turning short passes into big gains for Big Blue.
CBS Sports: A+. I love this pick for the Giants. It says they didn’t believe in the quarterbacks who were left and now they get a playmaker on the outside. This kid will be a star.
ESPN: It's hard to have complaints landing a receiver as explosive as Nabers, especially once it became evident that getting any of the top three quarterbacks (Caleb Williams, Jayden Daniels and Drake Maye) wasn't possible. The Giants talked with New England on Thursday about pick No. 3 for Maye. But the decision was always in New England's hands. That was the problem with landing outside those top three picks. The Giants clearly weren't willing to settle for former Michigan quarterback J.J. McCarthy.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: Follows the ‘Draft Day’ Day tradition, even this year.
Round 2, Pick 47 - Tyler Nubin, S, Minnesota:
NFL: Nubin might lack a superpower as a prospect with no special trait, but he does a lot of things very well. He can be the Giants' post safety as an assignment-sound defender who will bring excellent intensity and commitment to the locker room.
CBS Sports: B-. Film is first-round caliber. Such a cerebral player with outstanding ball skills and solid range. Amazing ball skills. Will find the ball if it’s in his area. Best away from the line patrolling. Some stiffness as an athlete and not a true burner. Average testing numbers.
ESPN: A safety makes sense after the Giants allowed Xavier McKinney to walk this offseason. McKinney signed a massive deal with the Green Bay Packers. That left the Giants with Jason Pinnock and Dane Belton as the top two safeties on the depth chart. Nubin gives new defensive coordinator Shane Bowen an instinctive and versatile safety to work with. Nubin's pro comp is former Denver Broncos Pro Bowl safety Justin Simmons. The Giants would certainly take that.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: If he didn’t get drafted he was going to start his sourdough era.
Round 3, Pick 70 - Andru Phillips, CB, Kentucky:
NFL: Phillips had a few rough games last season, but he could develop into a useful piece in the Giants secondary, either as a nickel or an outside safety. His size and ball production are subpar, but his toughness and tackling skill(s) give him a solid floor.
CBS Sports: B-. Silky smooth inside-out CB. Serious juice in his lower half. Not incredibly long but perfect size to play at nickel in the NFL. Incredibly willing in run support but does miss plenty of tackles. Quicker than fast but certainly not slow. Wished there was more ball production in college. Chippy type.
ESPN: Another position of need receives a reinforcement. Phillips joins a group that only has last year's first-round pick, Deonte Banks, penciled in as a starter. This is a player whom some teams had a second-round grade on. Phillips is a smooth cover cornerback who plays with physicality, especially for his size. The Giants clearly came into this draft -- and Day 2 in particular -- looking to upgrade the secondary.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: He cannot bring himself to throw away his Transformers.
Round 4, Pick 107 - Theo Johnson, TE, Penn State:
NFL: Johnson opened eyes at the Senior Bowl, being featured more as a receiver there than he often was at Penn State. His long, athletic frame makes him something of a Logan Thomas-like prospect and a good understudy to Darren Waller -- if he plays this year.
CBS Sports: B+. Elite tester. Huge frame with intimidating length. Was low-volume option at Penn State but has the explosive chops to become a better receiver in the pros. Ironically not a great blocker despite his towering, filled-out body type. Has just enough short-area quickness to separate on occasion in the NFL. Easy drops on film but counters with contested catches.
ESPN: Johnson could help fill the void if Darren Waller elects to retire. He is still contemplating his future. The Giants have been operating as if Waller is not on the roster. Johnson adds the physically gifted pass-catching element they would need in their offense. He has the size and speed to be a major threat at the NFL level. Daboll could be asking for an immediate contribution from their newest tight end. It's also worth noting that Johnson is the third of the Giants' top four draft picks to have a pre-draft visit. That is important to this regime.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: Is the nephew of Tom Kenny, voice of SpongeBob.
Round 5, Pick 166 - Tyrone Tracy Jr., RB, Purdue:
NFL: A converted wideout, Tracy shifted to the backfield last year and did well with the opportunity, averaging a stout 6.3 yards per carry. If Malachi Corley is the Deebo Samuel Lite of this class, then Tracy is sort of the Corley Lite. I expect Tracy to be used extensively as a receiver out of the backfield.
CBS Sports: A. Former Iowa WR turned Purdue RB. Incredible bounce and agility to make defenders miss when they’re ready to make the tackle. Some breakaway speed too. Contact balance is good, not great. At times seems tentative hitting the hole but has the goods to make more than what’s blocked. Older prospect who’s new to the position.
ESPN: Tracy is a much-needed piece being added to the Giants' offensive backfield. New York had newly signed Devin Singletary backed up by Eric Gray and Gary Brightwell entering the draft. It's likely they would have taken Trey Benson two rounds earlier, had the Arizona Cardinals not taken him four spots ahead of the Giants. This gives Tracy a chance to make an immediate contribution, even if it's just as an option out of the backfield early in his career. He was a wide receiver up until last year, so there is room for growth despite already being 25 years old.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: Plans to moonlight as the mascot at his Alma mater in the offseason.
Round 6, Pick 183 - Darius Muasau, LB, UCLA:
NFL: Muasau reminded me a bit of former Vikings LB Kentrell Brothers, a short but stout hitter and playmaker around the line of scrimmage whose coverage deficiencies are a bit worrisome.
CBS Sports: A-. No-hesitation off-ball LB with length deficiency. Quicker than fast but can get to the ball in a hurry because of his smarts. Unafraid to meet blockers in the hole and give them a jolt. Average ball skills and tackling soundness. Feels like someone who can outplay draft position.
ESPN: Muasau brings speed and youth to the linebacking corps. He's also likely an immediate special teams contributor. There is a connection with Muasau to the Giants. Special teams coordinator Michael Ghobrial coached Muasau as a freshman at Hawaii. This played a part in the Giants' comfort with their sixth and final pick of the draft.
NFL Absolutely Not Fake News: Watches the 1986 Action/Thriller ‘The Delta Force’ on VHS every day.

Okay. I need some serious advice. My partner and I have been together for over 10yrs. We have 2 beautiful children together, 8yrs and a 1yr old.
For reference….I was raised in an very religious Roman Catholic family(I am the 2nd oldest of 7 kids). I went to a Catholic elementary and high school, went to church every week, and got all the sacraments that a kid would go through. It wasn’t until the end of high school that my mind really changed about my religion. There was QUITE a few things that I just didn’t agree with and I started to distance myself from the church. I no longer consider myself catholic and no longer go to church or have raised my children Catholic. Although there are soooo many things I find absolutely absurd and appalling about the Catholic Church, I do recognize that my parents are still Catholic and just as they don’t question my choice to leave the church-I don’t question them staying within the church. I should mention-pretty much all of my siblings(except for the 2 youngest) have left the church as well. Regardless of those differences I love my family and we are all outrageously close, and my mom and dad along with my 6 other siblings are considered my closes friends and we spend most weekends hanging out. They are amazing grandparents to my kids and some of the most supportive and kind people I know.
Now. Here’s where things getting sticky. My partner has very….VERY, strong feelings about the Catholic Church. He considers it a cult filled with horrible child abuse. I don’t disagree that their is some seriously fucked up things happening within the church-and as I’ve said, there’s a reason why I left the church…but I just don’t talk about religion with my parents and I choose to just not let that effect my relationship with them. My partner is not so much that way.
So here’s what happened..My youngest brother is in grade 11(very big age gap between us). He is the sweetest kid you’ll ever meet and is very mature and overall a very kind kid. My oldest son and him have always been very close, less of a uncle-nephew relationship and more of a brother relationship. One day the 2 of them were playing at the park and not sure how the topic got brought up, but suddenly they were talking about heaven and hell. My son is a very inquisitive 8 year old and then started asking questions to my brother about heaven. I wasn’t there….so it’s hard to gather how the conversation went, but my son ended up saying to me and my partner “I want to get baptized so I can go to heaven, because that’s the only way I can go to heaven.”
I was quite upset about this, but truthfully I didn’t think for a second my brother said it to him exactly like that-or meant any harm by it-he was just a 16yr old who didn’t know how to answer a very deep question, and probably did a poor job of handling the situation…(he’s a kid after all) I explained to my son that that was not true and that his uncle was religious and that’s just what HE believed.
Now to say my partner was upset is an understatement….he was livid and started saying some extremely harsh things about people within the Catholic Church(in front of our son). Saying things like “you have to watch out for priest”, “they’re a cult”. I got mad at my partner and told him to cool off, and said that we should have an open conversation with our son about our differences with the Catholic Church-but that I didn’t feel the way he was handling it was appropriate, and came off extremely hateful and not at all a good way to have a conversation with an 8yr old. Not to mention our son knows some of my family is Catholic and I felt he was almost telling our son that his grandparents were bad people.
I ended up talking to my brother about the situation, he felt so bad and was so mature about it and apologized profusely for not handling the situation well and for putting certain ideologies in his head. He explained the whole situation to me and honestly, it was just a stupid mistake on his part and now he knows to just tell my son to talk to me if he brings up something to do with heaven or hell or religion. End of story, right?
NOPE. I should quickly mention that my partner and my youngest brother are actually extremely close. He’s known my brother since he was 5 yrs old and truly looks at him as a little brother. I’ve always loved how close they are. So, after I told my partner that I talked to my brother about the situation and how he maturely handled it-my partner says, “I’m not even mad at him….I’m mad at your parents because they’re Catholic and they’re the ones who have put all these ideas in your brothers head”. So now my partner is beyond pissed at my parents…treats them poorly and doesn’t come to family gatherings….
This is all extremely hard for me…my family has always treated my partner so well, and loved him like their own. I’m mad at my partner for being so hateful, but I’m trying to always be understanding of his frustration. I don’t like choosing between the two-but truthfully I think my partner is 100% out of line and needs to take a step back. The way he talks is so cruel and hateful and regardless if I don’t like the Catholic Church all that much-I don’t believe that speaking about someone else’s religion the way he does is kind.
I’m honestly so thrown off by his behaviour and feel like we won’t ever get past this.
Sorry for the long story…Any advice would be amazing.

Ill use a fake name, hi I’m rose 19F and have been living with my parents since I was 11 1/2. My parents are my aunt and uncle who took me in because my birth mother wasn’t competent. I grew a bond with my aunt specifically, I see her as a mother I never had. However, the past years has been harsh. Her forms of punishment was..weird. If I forgot to do the dishes or clean my room, she would threaten to kick me out. If I didn’t do well on a test or got a weird grade, she would go on a rant on how she sacrificed stuff to get me the things that I want/need. With this happening of course it made me anxious of doing things. It felt like I was tip toeing around egg shells to make sure I didn’t do the wrong thing. I was a well behaved girl, I did what was ask of me. Side note, I’m diagnosed with MDD(Major depressive disorder) and Anxiety. My depression causes me to lose motivation and obviously makes me not do basic things. For example, I can’t leave my bed, I can’t brush my teeth, I can’t shower, I don’t feel hungry, I don’t want to do my school work. She knows this and I told her whenever I have the energy to tell her. She claims she understands but she berates me, telling me that I’m lazy, selfish, and inconsiderate. My senior year of high school, I lied about two assignments. The next day she kicked me out. She made me pack my stuff and wait for my birth mother. Of course she didn’t come and she told me that since my mom doesn’t want me.. she’ll give me a second chance. Before that happened, after she found I lied about the work, she was crying and then she punched me.. She was punching me. That scarred me, I realized things won’t be the same anymore. She apologized, but I can’t get over that. Recently, I’m currently a college student, have started to take anti depressants. It took a toll on my grades and my well being. I barely left my room, barely showered, but I started eating a lot. We used to have chores but since I’m older I just have to clean after myself. I still clean the house. My two cousins live with me and they are 18F and 19F. We switch up on what we clean as if it’s a chore still. Anyways, I had a date with a girl and as we were pulling off, my aunt called me. She asked me where I was going and with who. I told her and she asked if I did anything around the house. I obviously told her no because the house is already cleaned. She told me that she’s going to be bringing back chores. I shrugged it off because maybe she was mad that there’s nothing to do? Anyways, the next day came around and chores are brought back. I don’t remember that much that day but I was out at my job. I wasn’t scheduled but I just wanted to be away from my house. I told my friend what was going on because I’m overwhelmed. My mental health and then my parent is pissed. I was overwhelmed and didn’t know what to do. I then realize what I’ve been experiencing wasn’t normal and that I shouldn’t feel that way that I feel. So I decided to move out that night. No plan, no money saved up, and that’s it. I got home and went straight to packing up my stuff. I wasn’t thinking so I just packed clothes and shoes. I went downstairs and told them I was moving out. I left and then ignored their calls. I stayed the night with my girl for a bit before staying with a friend for a bit. After a week I decided to talk to my family since I talked to no one! I read a message and my parent told me I wasn’t welcomed back. I told my cousins why I moved out and they understood. One of my cousins and I talked about the matter and she told me that all my parent ever wanted to do was to love me. She told me my parent haven’t eaten and slept well. Im starting to feel bad as if I made the wrong move. Although, I feel some type of weight lifted. I’m feeling really lonely as well. I’ve been looking for places to rent but I have steady income! I won’t let the darkness shroud me. I just wonder if I did something wrong. Am I in the wrong for the feeling the way I do? Am I in the wrong for moving without saying anything?

Cover Art!
Just because you’re transported to another world, doesn’t mean you’ll escape from your pain.
Abused by her parents, thirteen-year-old Frances only wants to be safe and for her life not to hurt so much. And when she and her class are transported to the magical world of Durannon to fight the monsters invading the human kingdoms and defeat the self-titled Demon King, Frances is presented with a golden opportunity. If she succeeds, Frances will have the home she never had. If she fails, Frances will be summoned back to the home she escaped.
Yet, despite her newfound magic and friends, Frances finds that trauma is not so easily lost. She is dogged by her abuse and its physical and invisible scars. Not only does she have to learn magic, she has to survive the nightmares of her past, and wrestle with her feelings of doubt and self-loathing.
If she can heal from her trauma, though, she might be able to defeat the Demon King and maybe, just maybe, she can find a home for herself.
[The Beginning] [<=Chapter 216] [Chapter Index and Blurb] [Chapter 218 May 28 or see the next chapter now on Patreon]
The Fractured Song Index
Discord Channel Just let me know when you arrive in the server that you’re a Patreon so you can access your special channel.
Frances and company catch up before the final battle.
***
“Hold on. How would he win this battle if we outnumber him and surround him?” Ginger asked.
“He could target our leadership. Focus on killing Titania, Antigones, you and Martin,” said Ayax.
“Only, he’d have to kill Sebastian and Megara, as well as Edana and you too, Frances, along with a whole list of targets. I’m not sure how he could pull that off,” said Elizabeth.
Ayax grimaced, brow furrowed, but Frances knew the answer to that question.
“Thorgoth doesn’t need to find half the targets he’s after. Myself, mom, Titania, our strongest mages and the rest of the people that will be on his list have leadership positions. Like it or not we’ll be involved in the battle and he just needs to find us on the battlefield. A well-placed spell and he’d snuff any non-magic person out,” Frances said.
“So what do we do then?” Martin asked.
Frances’ heart was pounding, for she knew the answer, but was afraid to give it life. Yet what could she do but tell what she knew was the truth?
“Take the battle to him. Thorgoth will have to operate by himself with maybe just his Royal Guards. We need to hold him and his escort and defeat him before he hurts everybody else.”
“So, all the Otherworlders, our best mages?” Ayax asked.
“Not all of them. But my mother and I, Jessica and Leila, Dwynalina and Jim and Nicole, with a few Otherworlders holding off his guards,” said Frances.
Elizabeth pursed her lips. “Ayax and I can go after Queen Berengaria. I can’t imagine her going far from her husband.”
“This is assuming we can at least split the attention of the dragons and keep them occupied of course,” said Martin. He touched Ginger’s elbow. “Not that I don’t trust you dear.”
“Oh I know, but it is a consideration.” She swirled the wine in her cup. “That means Martin and I will be directing the battle with Sebastian and Alexander.”
“It’s likely you’ll be the overall commander with Martin. Alexander and Sebastian would then take charge of their own contingents,” said Elizabeth. She bit her lip. “Do you feel up for it?”
Ginger shrugged. “I mean, we have to—”
Elizabeth reached out to pat her friend’s shoulder. “Martin, Ginger, you know we have every faith in both of you, but if you need help, there is no shame in asking for it.”
“Besides I think we’re all scared. I know I am,” Ayax said with a smile. Even so, they could all see how her tail looked like it was trying to twist itself into knots. Frances figured her cousin wasn’t trying to hide her fear, just trying not to alarm or panic them.
Martin sighed. “I think that’s the problem, Liz. Duty compels us. Love binds us. So I know no matter what happens, I know we’ll stand together to face him. Still, we are afraid and while I know I won’t run, I worry that fear may cloud my judgment at a crucial moment.”
Ginger wiped her eyes, but her tears now flowed freely down her cheeks. “How do I know I won’t panic, and make a bad call? How do we know we are all coming back? We can’t. I…I guess we have to accept that, but I don’t want to lose you. Any of you.”
Drawing her friend into a tight hug, Elizabeth gently patted Ginger’s back. “I don’t either. I suppose that for me, I’ve always looked to my faith in God, and in you all. Have we not triumphed in all we’ve faced?””
Frances found herself nodding, her throat unclenching and the tight nervousness in her shoulders and neck fading. What remained was a faint feeling of lightness that lifted her chin.
“You’re right. We should believe in ourselves, and hope. Hope for a future when we win this war. Hope that our good will triumph over Thorgoth’s evil. Hope that in a few days, we’ll be home with our family, and our friends.”
Martin gave Frances a wondering look. “How are you able to hope that?”
Frances smiled. “I think that I have always been good at having hope. I didn’t realize it until now, but even in my darkest moments, I always hoped that I would find a place where I could be me.”
Ayax stood up, raising her glass. “To faith, friendship and hope. May it see us all through our final trial.”
Rising to their feet, the five touched glasses and drank deep. They all were smiling. The pain and fear in their hearts soothed by the hope they held and the determination to see each other once again.
***
“Frances, can I walk with you?”
Frances would never have said no to her best friend, and she could tell that past Elizabeth’s bright smile, her friend was worried. There were just too many small signs learnt from years of friendship. She was scratching behind her ear, and her eyes were narrowed just slightly from the tension in her face.
“Of course,” said Frances, falling in beside the tall Otherworlder. “How are you and Ayax?”
Elizabeth giggled. “We’re great! Fantastic even. She and I are even talking about what we might do after the war. We have so many plans and well, I kind of wanted to talk to you about that.”
Frances waited as Elizabeth continued to walk beside her, lips pursed.
“I know that after the war, I’m choosing to stay here with Ayax, with all of you. I just…” her voice trailed off, and her walk slowed to a crawl.
Taking a slight breath, Frances touched her friend’s hand. “Liz, you know it’s okay for you to doubt that.”
Elizabeth stopped and shook her head. “Oh no, I don’t have any doubts about my decision. At the very least, I’m past the point where my doubts aren’t going to change my decision. I know I’ve changed too much in the past seven years. I’ve come to terms with my sexuality. I’ve fallen head over heels in love with a woman who loves me just as much. I’ve commanded armies, led soldiers into battle and helped to make decisions affecting hundreds of thousands of people. I can’t go back pretending I’m Grade 8 and neither do I want to.” She squeezed Frances’s hand. “My decision is the right one. I know it in my heart and I’ve prayed about it. I can do a lot of good here and me going back? That won’t just hurt the people I love here, but it’ll hurt me and my family at home. I can’t hide who I’ve become and I’m proud of what I’ve grown into.”
Frances closely studied her friend knowing Elizabeth wouldn’t mind her staring.
“So what are you feeling, Liz?”
Closing her eyes, Elizabeth sniffled. “Guilt. It’s stupid. I know I’m making the right choice. I’m sure in my heart that God is encouraging me to make this choice, but I still feel guilty.”
“How could you not? You know your family loves you.”
“And I’m abandoning them. I know I’m doing the right thing but I still feel like I’m doing something wrong,” said the Otherworlder.
Frances hugged her best friend, squeezing her tight, hoping that her warmth and touch could comfort the woman who she’d trusted as much as her own mother.
“Liz, if they are everything you told me, they’re going to be alright. Have faith in them, like your faith in me and your friends.”
Elizabeth let out a sigh, but returned the hug. “Thank you, Frances. If…if the worst comes and you are sent back without me, go to them. Tell them I love them.”
Tears in her eyes, Frances nodded. “I promise. If you are sent back, I will take care of Ayax.”
Elizabeth let out a gurgly hiccup. “Thank you. I know you will.”
***
The historic coronation of King Martin and Queen Ginger would found what would be known as the Congrey dynasty. Con for Conthwaite and Grey for King Jerome’s dynasty.
It was an unusual coronation as King Martin and Queen Ginger were long-betrothed but not married. Yet King Jerome and Queen Forowena’s wills had been clear. Apart from that, the coronation involved as many of Eridale's traditions as possible in light of the circumstances.
Down the parade route attended by all those that could be mustered, King and Queen marched in at the head of an honor guard composed of their closest companions. These included Frances, Elizabeth, and Ayax, who held three poles of a crimson banner that hung over the pair. The fourth corner was held by Martin’s sister Mara, who wore a slightly undignified grin. Yet, nobody could really blame her.
Martin wore a black-white checkered tunic with red-gold trimmings and shoulder epaulets. His trousers were dark gray with again red-gold tassels. Ginger did wear a dress. It was of a dark maroon with silver lacing. A bejeweled gorget studded with emeralds hung from her neck and her ears sparkled with dark blue sapphires.
There was one minor alteration. As the procession marched up to the entrance of the old Goblin Empire palace, on a raised wooden dais dressed with elaborately embroidered carpets stood the attending dignitaries. They included all the other Erisdalian lords and ladies such as Viscountess Katia and Lord Tarquin, dressed in all the finery they could muster. Other notables such as Prince Timur, representing the Kingdom of Alavaria, Grandmaster Edana of the White Order and Alexander and Eloise of Erlenberg stood proudly side by side.
Towards the center of the dais were three figures. King Sebastian and Queen-Consort Megara, and the former Queen Janize. Sebastian and Megara were standing, holding Queen Forowena’s crown, whilst the heavily pregnant Janize sat, holding King Jerome’s crown. Thorgoth may have taken their decorated helmets, but he did not have their ceremonial attire.
Martin and Ginger stepped out from under the awning, giving their bearers a brief nod, before taking the last steps up the dais.
Whistling a spell, Megara touched her throat with her wand. “Who stands before the crowns?”
Martin knelt to one knee. The bearers of the awning followed. “Sir Martin of Conthwaite. A Knight of Erisdale.”
Ginger curtsied low. Frances nearly split her lips as she grinned at her friend’s perfect form. “Ginger. Just Ginger of Erisdale.”
Janize’s expression was unreadable as she rose to her feet. There was a slight archness to her features, and yet that could just be how she lifted her haughty cheeks.
“As witnessed by all, and by the King and Queen of Lapanteria, do you swear to defend Erisdale with all means at your disposal including force of arms?”
“We do.”
“Do you swear to uphold the laws of the land and the rights of Erisdale’s citizens?”
“We do!”
“Do you swear that until your dying breaths, to govern and reign over Erisdale not for your benefit, but for the benefit of the people and for their future generations?”
From her kneeling position, Frances frowned. That wasn’t quite the right oath. The wording was “Do you swear to govern over Erisdale wisely and justly?” She supposed that she might have missed it, or maybe there was a variation.
Yet as she noted her fiance’s face, she noticed his eyes were wide and her mother’s eyebrow was arched.
Not skipping a beat, Martin and Ginger bellowed. “We do!”
“Do you swear that you will do your utmost not to make the same mistakes as your predecessors and do whatever it takes to preserve Erisdale’s peace, even if it may cost you your lives?”
Frances blinked. Janize had gone completely off script. There was no fourth oath.
However, Martin and Ginger only hesitated for a moment as they exchanged a glance and looked up to meet Janize’s gaze.
The blonde woman’s eyes were bright and the hands holding Jerome’s crown were trembling ever so slightly. Frances had wondered why she’d insisted on doing this. Martin and Ginger had wanted to approach her to ask if she was willing, but the enigmatic former queen had surprised them by demanding they allow her to crown them. She now had an idea as to why.
“We do,” said Martin, smiling.
Ginger returned that smile. Blinking back her own tears, she took a breath. “In the name of Queen-consort Forowena and your brother, King Jerome. We solemnly swear.”
Janize closed her eyes, a single tear running down her cheek.
“Then as the last heiress of House Grey, I pass the crown of Erisdale on forever. Long live the Congrey dynasty. Long live Martin the Hero of Erisdale and his queen to be Ginger, whom I dub Erisdale’s Burning Heart.”
Lifting Jerome’s crown high, she set it onto Martin’s head. Swiftly taking Queen Forowena’s crown from Sebastian, she set it on Ginger’s head.
“Hail King Martin and Queen Ginger!” Janize bellowed as Martin and Ginger rose to their feet.
The crowd chanted back, their voices filling the great cavern. “Hail King Martin and Queen Ginger! Hail King Martin and Queen Ginger!” Frances could barely hear her own voice over the crescendo. The call that they all raised. Like the sound carried up into the void, she could feel herself be carried up. It was like she was floating on the power of their united song.
Turning around, Martin and Ginger smiled at Frances. Their eyes were wide, and she could see them clasp each other’s hands tightly.
Frances found herself standing on her feet, the pole to her awning in her hand. Without a second thought, she stabbed the pole’s spike into the ground. As her hand dropped to Alanna, she paused for a moment before her mind caught up with her body, and she nodded as if to herself.
Drawing the estoc, Frances raised her blade high, saluting her two friends.
“Long may they reign! Long may they reign!”
Elizabeth was right behind her, hammer raised high. Ayax followed suit with her staff and Mara and the rest were soon drawing their weapons. From the corner of her eye, Frances even spotted Morgan and Hattie raising their wand and staff.
“Long may they reign! Long may they reign!”
***
Helias glanced over his shoulder toward the accursed city. Despite the distance, there was a tremble in the air of Kairoun-Aoun itself.
“Helias?” Sara asked.
“Sounds like they crowned Martin and Ginger. They’re going to attack soon,” he said.
Sara nodded, her tense jaw the only sign of the worry that had seized the harpy-orc. As gently as he could manage with his rough, scarred hands, he wrapped his arm around her waist.
“Sara. We’re going to be fine.”
“You’re lying,” she said with eyes fixed forward.
The general couldn’t help but wince. “Sorry.”
Slowing in her stride, Sara placed a hand over Helias’s. “I still appreciate you trying to comfort me but I would prefer you to tell me the truth. How bad is it?”
Helias looked around. “Thorgoth may pull off a miracle and get himself and Berengaria out. However, a lot of Alavari are going to die.”
“What are you going to do?” Sara asked.
“I’ll have to attend this meeting and see what Thorgoth is planning. We’ll make a plan after that.”
“You and I know it’s not going to change anything,” Sara said, looking up at her husband, who could not meet her gaze. Yet, she didn’t push him away. Instead put her hand around his waist, drawing him closer.
“I know, but I want to be sure,” said Helias in a low tone.
“I understand. See you soon,” said Sara.
***
Helias found himself exchanging side-long glances with Glowron. The pair sat, both leaning forward toward King Thorgoth and a pacing Queen Berengaria, who’d finished explaining tomorrow’s strategy.
“Do you have anything else to add, my good generals?” Thorgoth asked. The king still smiled easily as he swirled a cup of wine in his hands.
Glowron shook his head. His tone was short but he kept this expression neutral. “No sire.”
The goblin general was Helias’s superior in rank and social class. The fact of the matter was that if Glowron had no objections, then there was no way the tauroll could object.
And still, Helias felt bile rise in the back of his throat. He froze, ever so briefly. Closing his eyes, he shook his head. Nothing mattered, except for Sara and Gwendilia.
“No sir. I’ll have my troops ready for tomorrow.”
That should have been that. They would have been dismissed to prepare for tomorrow’s suicide mission, but the king’s whims had other plans.
King Thorgoth put his cup down and leaned forward. “Oh come on my good generals. Surely you have something to improve on this plan.”
Glowron’s expression remained blank, whilst Helias smiled. “Your Majesty, you were the one who taught me everything I know. I can think of nothing I can add to your strategy.”
Queen Berengaria strode toward him. “You’re usually so talkative, Helias. Are you sure you have no other thoughts?”
“I beg your apologies, but I do not have any further additions to your plan, Your Majesty. My lord Glowron?” Helias asked.
“I do not either, my liege—” Glowron fell silent and Helias’s tail stiffened.
Thorgoth and Berengaria were no longer smiling and with a few more steps, the harpy queen had put herself behind the two generals.
“Let me be plain, we are now not asking you about how to improve the plan. We are asking for your thoughts. Give them.”
The Demon King’s remaining dark eye was narrowed. The other was now covered with a black silk eyepatch, the remains of the scar that Queen Forowen had given him, a discoloration scouring a line along the side of his face and right over his ear. In spite of the king’s injury, Helias felt nothing but cold dread dry his mouth.
“Your Majesty, my only thought is that we have no option but to follow your plan. No matter how we got into this situation, the only thing we can do is go forward and try to win this day,” Glowron said.
“And do you blame me, Glowron?”
Helias watched, eyes wide as somehow the much smaller goblin general continued to meet the king’s eyes. “I would be lying to you if I said I didn’t assign some responsibility to you at all, but I believe we ought to have thought of the possibility of such a trap. So the responsibility is mine as well.”
Thorgoth nodded. Out of the corner of his eye, Helias saw the slightest of nods that Berengaria gave to her husband. Alarm shooting his gaze back toward the Demon King, Helias found the full attention of his sovereign and sometimes uncle directed right at him.
“And you, General Helias?”
Lie and he might not be able to make it convincing enough. Tell the truth about what he thought about this war and he was never seeing Sara and Gwendilia again. Thorgoth hadn’t just been hurt, his pride had been wounded and he was now backed into a corner. It would be unwise to anger him, but what to say? What could he say?
All he could think of, and see was his child and her adoring gaze. All he could feel was the touch of Sara’s hand against his. They’d become closer than he could have imagined and were more than just companions with mutual goals now.
If he was to die, then maybe he could tell this truth.
“I am mostly thinking of my wife and my child, my king. The coming battle has me greatly concerned with how dangerous it shall be.”
Thorgoth narrowed his eyes at Helias for a brief moment. The tauroll, staying very still, waited for the presumed reaction by Berengaria.
Whatever Berengaria did made Thorgoth arch an eyebrow.
“I thought you didn’t consider your wife to be worth much,” said the king in a mild tone.
His mind racing, Helias ran with the idea. “She has responded well to the constraints and discipline I’ve enforced on her. She does nothing but facilitate all my needs and has served me well.”
He could feel Berengaria’s eyes narrow, but Thorgoth was already leaning back onto his chair. “Good for you. You are dismissed.”
“Thank you, sire,” said Helias, almost unable to hide his sigh of relief.
***
Author’s Note: While I wish I could have spent more quality time with Martin, Elizabeth, Ginger and Ayax, I do love the best-friend/team that I created for Frances. This chapter and the last was my little way of giving each of them a bit of time with Frances before the final battle.

My university transcript only has letter grades without (+/-). Will the university I apply to know if I actually got a 71 in Chem 2? Their prereq requirement says C- not accepted. If this is the case I’ll need to take Chem 2 for the third time… 😅 (first time I was working full time for the first time post grad, getting adjusted, and didn’t have enough time to study / second time my professor legit sucked and made homework/tests for two chapters six hours long) ugh.

I(17f) and my mother(53f) have really only had eachother. I will admit, I have luxuries like a phone, iPad, laptop, AirPods etc that she’s bought for me which I am grateful for. Since I am an inly child, and my father isn’t around I am her support system ig if you put it that way. She’s an immigrant, making me the first to go to college in the states. With that said, I’m counting down the days to finally leave for extended periods of time, and distancing myself, meaning I’m purposely looking for a college that’s over a 2-3 hr drive from where I live(she doesn’t like driving over an hour). Though I love my mother she has her qualities that seriously make me consider leaving. First, she is very narcissistic. From where she comes from, she doesn’t believe in therapy and if you seem “depressed” her first option is to tell you to go to a psych ward. Not even as a genuine answer but as a threat, like she knows what goes on there and how dehumanizing it can be and wants to make you stop feeling what you do. But when you do express your feelings she turns it into a her problem. “Why are you sad when I do everything give you” If I’m feeling down about my looks or weight it’s nothing uplifting, it’s usually “maybe if you washed your face more or ate less you wouldn’t feel that way,” or “I’m this age and my skin look better than you so I don’t know how to help you”. I’m currently struggling with my hair journey and it’s previously been damaged by heat and not proper care and she blames it on my hair styles (which are mainly just slick back buns because I don’t have much time to do much in the mornings) but when I ask for advice she goes silent. She rambles on about how perfect my hair was when she used to do it but I wanted to do “grown” hairstyles. The grown hairstyles she’s talking about is straightening my hair once for a dance and figuring out how to define my curls. The hairstyles she used to do was back when I was 9, when I wore Jo-Jo bows and barrets. Second I’m never “good enough” even when there’s no one to really compare me to. My grades are pretty high but not perfect hundreds so I’m scared if I ever get a B. I test higher than most my friends but she automatically compares them to me thinking they are the perfect poster child just if they have better skin than me. She doesn’t even know them she just “guesses” by their appearance. Third she expects me to do EVERYTHING. I understand she’s an immigrant so she might not know stuff but she doesn’t really “try”. For school in middle school to now I had to enroll myself and answer to the parent questions. I text her coworkers. If my friends parent text them a simple “thank you for letting her go to the party” or wtv I’m the one who needs to respond. At stores or businesses of some sort I have to speak for her, even if she’s perfectly capable(she knows a great amount of English it’s not like she can’t speak it well). Even for job interviews, i had to create an email to send to her boss that said she was sorry for quitting out of the blue that last week and to accept her back(I was literally 13 worrying about if we were going to have a steady income anymore)Recently she’s let some family say at our house for some time to settle into the us. They speak the native language my mom grew up with and I can maybe make basic sentences, but I can’t hold an actual conversation let alone even understand song lyrics in that language. My mom is religious so we go to church and my entire life we’ve gone to an American church that spoke English. The second those people came they complained and forced my mom to go to a church with their native language which is now 5 hours long with no youth group of the sort and doesn’t speak English at all. I’m an Outcast and I can’t talk to the others so I usually bring a book or something. When we got home one day, the people were complaining about how I don’t pay attention in church and read books instead of listening. I try to explain I can’t but all they do is make fun of the fact I can’t understand the language and how can I not know it, like I literally was never taught and just picked up on done stuff when I was younger. But the fact is instead of standing up for me it understanding my point of view, my mother sides with them and laughs at me as well. So now, a few days later I am writing this mixing up all the emotions and coming to this conclusion. I really want to know if it’s just teenage emotion and some Alternative ways I can let them out or if I genuinely have a right to feel like I do so, aita?

hiii as the title says i got hit w senioritis second semester and ended up with 3 As, a B+, and a B-. before this semester i’ve had all A’s and one A-, and my HS gpa is still pretty good but it’s weighted weirdly. i’ve done dual enrollment since junior year and 4 of my classes this semester, including both Bs, were DE. i have around 43? college credits and my college gpa was a 3.96 but it fell to a 3.8 after i got a 3.5 this semester.
should i go for sophomore transfer or just wait till junior year? i think i got rejected bc i had a lack of ecs and bad essays, but i had a solid LOR and community service and grades. i’m hoping to keep a high gpa during my first year at college and rlly work on my ECs, maybe an internship, and get good LORs. please let me know what u think!!
P.S im rlly hoping to transfer to northwestern or BU 🥲

The title is a bit confusing sorry :0(
To make a long story short, I am 19 years old in my second year of university. I came out as a trans man in seventh grade. That is roughly 7 or so years of being out and completely 100% sure and set in my identity as a man.
However, I live in a pretty bad household I guess. And I can’t start HRT due to parents being…not the greatest to say the least. I have been out for 7 years, and not a drop of HRT in my system.
And I don’t know how to cope with dysphoria anymore
I’ve done all the things I can. I have a binder that I can rarely wear due to my parents, and also already having multiple rib injuries. I do masculinizing makeup and wear baggy clothes. I have short hair. I voice trained. I’ve done everything I can think of.
None of it brings me a sliver of joy anymore. I just want some hope or euphoria to hold onto. Anything. Just anything.
I’ll be moving out sometime this year hopefully. But until then, I feel stuck and hopeless.

As context, I am enrolled in an ADN nursing school which has been ranked as #1 in my state and the NCLEX pass rate is consistently 97-100%. I am in my second semester and this particular course primarily focuses on med-surg cardio and endocrine. Our grade is determined by 3 exams, where two unit exams take up 25% each and the final takes up 50% of the final grade.
Long story short, cardio gave me a tough time. I received a final grade of 74.4% and the minimum passing grade is 74.45%. I was disappointed with myself because I took on too much this semester and couldn’t find the time to focus on med-surg (I take 18 credits a semester). I immediately reached out to my professor and she said she can’t do anything to help me.
I know I got the grade I deserved and I can’t contest my grade since they are extremely strict, but are there other colleges out there that weigh a final exam as 50% of your total grade? Do you think it’s fair that assignments don’t count towards your grade at all?

Hey everyone,
Hopefully, I can post on this sub despite being long done with high school since I'm hoping to hear from folks who deal with high school academic records. In case it helps, the high schools I'm about to mention were all in Ohio.
Long story short, I recently assembled a lot of my records digitally for an upcoming internship. For the sake of being thorough, I requested high school transcripts from the last high school I attended. I had a history of major depressive symptoms so I ended up attending three different high schools total. I lasted for just three days in the first one and never actually finished any coursework outside of a summer gym I did. The second one I only attended for a quarter of a year (maybe even a little less) before I transitioned over to the final high school I eventually graduated from in this case.
Anyway, I recently learned my final high school never got any sort of transcript or records from the second one after I asked the head of the final high school. I even asked my undergrad's registrar and they said they never got one at all. I asked them if that would affect the BS that I already earned and the representative said it should not.
However, I'm worried about whether or not I passed that quarter. If I didn't, could my high school diploma be revoked (even though I got all of my credits from my final high school. First quarter grades were listed as NA for not available)? Could something potentially happen to my college degrees I've earned as well despite this (BS, MA, currently in Ph.D program)?
I'd like to know.

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Synopsis:
Juliette Contzen is a lazy, good-for-nothing princess. Overshadowed by her siblings, she's left with little to do but nap, read … and occasionally cut the falling raindrops with her sword. Spotted one day by an astonished adventurer, he insists on grading Juliette's swordsmanship, then promptly has a mental breakdown at the result.
Soon after, Juliette is given the news that her kingdom is on the brink of bankruptcy. At threat of being married off, the lazy princess vows to do whatever it takes to maintain her current lifestyle, and taking matters into her own hands, escapes in the middle of the night in order to restore her kingdom's finances.
Tags: Comedy, Adventure, Action, Fantasy, Copious Ohohohohos.
Chapter 239: Standing Start
A wine bottle rolled against the side of my boot.
Amidst a gallery of stunned faces and open mouths, it was easily the second most lively thing here.
The first was a clockwork doll clutching at her stomach in pain.
“Ahahahha~ ahahaha~ ahah … uck … ack … ughh … ahahaha~”
I pursed my lips.
Still, I said nothing.
For one thing, this was precisely what happened when one ate the mouldy cinnamon rolls combined with any grass growing by the side of the road. If Apple refused to eat something, then so should she.
But for another–
“What … What is this … ?”
It was because the first response was reserved for the baroness.
Her words came out in a quivering tone, matching the disbelief upon her face.
Frankly, she had to do better than that.
Only the wine from the bottle I nudged away dribbled into the soil. And also the line of drool from a comatose farmer. But I didn’t want to think about that.
Still, it was an excellent benchmark. Until her tears could properly overpower the sour aroma from the Château de Riaré Hensoise, I would deem her bawling to be incomplete.
She had a long way to go.
“How … How are you still …” she began, slowly rising from her seat. “This … This is impossible–”
I offered a tidy smile alongside a flick of my hair, relishing in the moonlight adorning my figure.
“I agree. It shouldn’t be possible. But I assure you, my skin is 100% natural.”
“E-Excuse me … ?”
“No magical enchantments. No unicorn elixirs. No witchly glamors. Just a healthy sleep schedule of however many hours I desire and a diet of fresh strawberry shortcakes.”
The baroness mouthed silently at my secrets being revealed.
A strange way of offering her gratitude. Other princesses hounded my door for this knowledge. Given her pale, blotchy skin and lips as dry as a pond in a desert, she should be pleading for more.
Instead, she pointed at the fallen drunk beside us.
“This … This shouldn’t be possible … no, wait … the clockwork doll … did she–”
She suddenly snapped towards Coppelia, her eyes widening.
“Uuh … ahaha … ugh, it hurts ... ahaha … it hurts so much … ahaha … my tummy … aha … oh no … I’m … I’m seeing daisies … aha … I … ugh … I think I need help …”
Coppelia hugged her stomach, writhing like a freshly hatched caterpillar. Her eyes darkened as hiccups of laughter assailed her defeated form.
The baroness pursed her lips.
Then, she turned to Renise instead.
“Did you–”
“A-Amazing! … I … I have no idea what you did … but it wasn’t just wonderful … it was beautiful! The colours! The warmth! It was like a rainbow come to life!”
With a smile worthy of any attendant, the maid brought her hands together in polite applause. Naturally, to be praised for my brushwork was nothing new to me. Nor was the sight of stars shining in her eyes with greater brightness than any in the night sky.
Why, that even came whenever I left my bedroom.
“You … how did … how did you defeat him … ?”
The strands of the baroness’s golden hair began to frizzle as she turned towards me. All I saw were her tonsils. Bright red and healthy. She should be pleased.
“This was … this was no common man … do you know who he is … ?”
Without offering a chance to ignore her, she stamped a foot, pointing at the fallen drunk with maddened jabs. The man offered no defence, now as spent and drained as the bottle beside him.
I raised a brow.
“Indeed, I do. He’s a farmer who made poor life choices. And between leaving his farm and offering his pitchfork to an overly ambitious baroness, the greater was you. My congratulations on being the superior mistake. I acknowledge your triumph.”
Bwam.
The baroness promptly slapped her palms down on the table.
“This man … is Willem of Hagel,” she said, her teeth gritted together. “A man desperate and cursed.”
“Yes, well, to be a peasant is a dire thing. But it could be worse. At least he isn’t nobility.”
A mouth further widened before me.
Indeed, this was a terrible time to realise her affliction. But I was no famed angel of healing for nothing. There was a cure for ambition. And it involved copious amounts of tears.
I was still waiting.
“There is no world in which you should have been able to defeat him … not if half the tales about him prove true … he is a famed opponent … all the while you are … you are …”
Suddenly, her eyes left my face for the very first time.
No longer feeling that my cheeks were in danger of being poked, she swept her eyes upon my person, as though hoping to find some blemish to signify I was as false as a field of corn.
She stopped at the sword by my side.
And also–
“A copper ring,” she said softly.
Suddenly, my 29th house of cards I was subtly constructing collapsed.
… T-The ring!
The blot on my finger! The insidious badge of shame! The symbol of the Adventurer’s Guild!
Why, I’d taken it for granted that my masterful disguise was impervious! But this was no ordinary noblewoman I was seated across!
This … This was one I’d previously sat across before!
I’d made a terrible mistake!
I was mesmerising! A beautiful princess as charming as I was modest!
There was utterly no scenario in which I’d be forgotten!
I … I should have removed the copper ring!
“O-Oho … ohoho … w-what copper ring?” I said, my hands vanishing below the table at a speed con artists could only nod at. “Ah, do you refer to the ruby inlaid ring I often carry on my hand? The one which changes colour depending on the longitude and latitude? In that case, you may very well have briefly spied something which resembled a copper hue. But it is in fact a thing of unparalleled beauty and craftsmanship. Not a disgraceful copper ring.”
The baroness slowly looked up at me, her eyes blinking.
“No. I wasn’t mistaken. I … I recognise that ring. It is a copper ring, the same size and shape as those worn by … adventurers.”
My mouth widened in horror.
At once, I immediately sought a plant pot or a heavy book. Something to immediately erase the past few seconds of her memory.
Why … if she knew my secret, then the shame would haunt me all the way until I’d found something weighing at least equivalent to a standard hardback!
“I see,” she mumbled, as much to herself as me. “I understand now …”
The baroness removed her palms from the table.
She stood up straight, a hard expression upon her face. One which calculated with each passing moment the optimal way to exploit this devastating information.
Then, she took in a deep breath–just as I began assembling the playing cards into a thick pile.
“… it must be a legendary artifact.”
As I began eyeing her temple … I blinked in non-understanding.
“Excuse me?”
She nodded, her frown harsh enough to permanently crease her skin.
“To wear such a plain, ugly and shameful ring … one which utterly demeans your history, your worth and your pride, destroying any semblance of dignity you possess–”
My hand went to my stomach, struck by as much pain as Coppelia had experienced in a single moment.
“–indeed, to wear a ring so easily mistaken as one belonging to adventurers, the vermin of the world … it must be a truly terrifying artifact.”
I blinked.
And then–
“Ohhho … ohoohho! You … You see the truth of it!”
The baroness squeezed her fists by her side.
“I knew it.”
I nodded, my bangs bouncing against my forehead.
“I-Indeed … ! This ring I carry on me … it is a masterful item of supreme quality, passed down along generations of my family! Why, its appearance matching those of rings worn by adventurers is no coincidence! Theirs are based on this very design! Although they have since tarnished it, it was forged back in the first days of the kingdom when copper was greater than gold! Poured within it is knowledge now lost to time! A power beyond compare, called upon from the depths of the Royal Vault!”
The baroness sucked in a hateful breath.
“Then that explains it,” she said with bitterness ringing throughout her voice. “You were able to defeat such a powerful adversary through the use of your family’s ancient heirlooms.”
“Indeed, this powerful ring with a rare ability I cannot disclose defeated a terrifying farmer! Therefore, there’s no need for you to relay any suggestion that I’m anything but a princess, as far removed from the Adventurer’s Guild as hygiene is to their members!”
The baroness gave no response.
A respite which lasted far too short.
“... I see, then it means the plan continues. Different, yes. But I’ll not be deterred.”
She smiled, the familiar sight of aristocratic opportunism mixed with an utter denial of facts shining within her grey eyes.
I could only react with horror.
“Plan?” I replied, convinced she was well and truly several sandwiches short of a picnic. “Do you mean the plan currently lying in a fallen heap beside us? Did you not just say I defeated your farmer? Your only plan now is to decide which part of the ground you wish to offer your forehead to.”
The baroness shook her head with renewed confidence.
“I think not. To defeat Willem of Hagel, you must have expended every effort you had available. Not a crumb of power could be spared, for to underestimate him would have resulted in your certain loss. Meaning …”
Without hesitation, she gave a multipurpose wave of her hand.
“... You’ve nothing left but a sword you cannot wield, and two retainers against all of mine. One of whom is incapacitated. The other a maid.”
She continued to keep her hand raised. Her simple call to arms.
It took several moments before she cared to even look around her.
A sad thing.
If she had, she would have realised the curiosity of her hoodlums was less than their prudence.
She would have noticed the eyes without loyalty, seeing only the fallen figure of a drunk they’d been led to believe was more than a farmer now watering the ground with his drool.
And she would have noticed the state of her dress, as dishevelled as her ambitions as those she relied upon slinked away in search of newer gutters to inhabit, following instincts she could learn as the last of their feet shuffled into the darkness.
The baroness paled.
It was far too early for that. She had no idea Apple was currently resting in her tavern, and wouldn’t be helping her haul all of the goods which needed delivering to a place less damp than here.
But I could sooth her forthcoming backache with a smile, at least for the assistance already provided.
“You have my gratitude,” I said, brushing a speck of … countryside from my lap. “For so long as the nobility continues to concoct slapdash schemes with no hope of success, the kingdom can continue to assign blame on you when all else goes wrong. When the mobs come calling and heads start rolling, it ensures a steady queue of necks can be offered before ours are reached. That is why the nobility continues to exist, you see, despite the ceaseless treason. So allow me to offer a word of advice when next you wish to survive in a position of responsibility. When fleeing, the best defence isn’t to run faster–it’s to trip the person beside you. And this means better hiring practices.”
I glanced pointedly around me.
All this empty space and not even a single eyepatched second-in-command to use as a distraction? An amateur mistake. One the baroness now realised as her mouth opened wordlessly, the realisation of her solitude only now dawning upon her.
Yet all it invited was a newly wrought defiance.
“I do not mean to flee,” she said, her fists tightly clenched. “I am Arisa Sandholt. And even should I be captured here, you would not be afforded a night’s rest. I am not alone. Whether tonight or tomorrow, this kingdom will fall. I am not alone in planning its demise.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Oh, please. Planning my kingdom’s demise is what everyone does.”
“What?”
“If it’s not being actively planned, it’s because someone’s in the middle of planning how to formulate a plan. And then once they’ve finished planning, they wonder why their plan didn’t work as planned. This is not a cause for concern. It’s a sign the world is still spinning the correct direction.”
The baroness feigned a dignified silence.
It was far too late, of course. By default, nobility had no dignity.
Still, I accepted the effort, and filled the silence with a tidy clap of my hands.
“Now, since you’ve no intention of fleeing, you can be useful instead. I’ll require a full inventory of your stock. I intend to requisition every single item you have in your possession. Every grain. Every crown. And every odd piece of tableware, carpet, candleholder and painting you might have.”
I pointed at the barn. A tragic thing to requisition. But if I was fortunate, it’d grow lacquered tiles and bay windows in the short steps between here and there.
Suddenly, the baroness’s eyes widened. The needless defiance dropped alarmingly from her face.
“Wait … what do you mean by that?”
I paused for a moment, puzzled by her reaction.
This was hardly the complicated part.
“I mean exactly what I mean. This should come as no surprise. I will be emptying every corner of the property you’ve misappropriated, including whatever manner of tunnels you’ve carved for your use. Rest assured, I’ll be employing the talents of my retainers extensively. With or without your cooperation, every single inch of your abode will be inspected by myself for the Royal Treasury’s benefit.”
She blinked between Renise and Coppelia. Although one was dressed as a maid and the other now appeared to be napping on the ground, their skills when it came to matters of unearthing valuables in my kingdom’s underbelly was not one I doubted.
Nor, from the way the baroness gulped, did she.
“I can do it,” she said suddenly.
I looked at her in confusion, uncertain what ploy this was.
“... Excuse me? Do what?”
“The items of value. I can bring them out. There’s no need to personally see to such a thing yourself.”
“While I’m in full agreement, I can hardly trust your reliability in this manner. And besides, I’ll hardly be playing the mule. I shall be supervising while closely assessing every item.”
Once more, the tonsils came out.
An appalling disregard of decorum. There was only one time that nobility was permitted to look so horrified in my presence. And that’s if they were copying my own after I discovered a list of marriage suitors posing as a napkin beneath the dessert spoon again.
“E-Even so … as the one who wronged you, I insist on not troubling a princess any further. If you give me a few moments, I can acquire the most important valuables for you in a fraction of the time you’d spend on finding them.”
“A few moments to hide them, you mean. No, I’m afraid that anything you wish to stuff beneath a floorboard will need to be appropriately examined first.”
I leaned away in mild alarm as a bead of sweat ran down the baroness’s face.
A moment later–
She finally did what only someone in her position could.
Adhering to the instincts of all nobility, she swept up her dress and suddenly dashed away.
Except it wasn’t towards the dark forest, to be lost amidst the shadows and the jaws of whatever awaited her there. It was back towards the barn.
I watched as she stumbled several times before even reaching the steps.
“... A desperate sight, no?” I said, with a sad shake of my head. “To throw away all semblance of the image she’d hoped to craft. Now she flees like a frightened towngirl. She should know that escape is now impossible.”
Beside me, Renise let out a hum.
Far from chasing after the baroness, she collected the pack of cards I’d assembled for memory wiping purposes. She began to build a house of cards.
I looked at her in puzzlement. She gave a strangely pained smile in reply.
“I believe we can offer her a few moments.”
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The title is a bit confusing sorry :0(
To make a long story short, I am 19 years old in my second year of university. I came out as a trans man in seventh grade. That is roughly 7 or so years of being out and completely 100% sure and set in my identity as a man.
However, I live in a pretty bad household I guess. And I can’t start HRT due to parents being…not the greatest to say the least. I have been out for 7 years, and not a drop of HRT in my system.
And I don’t know how to cope with dysphoria anymore
I’ve done all the things I can. I have a binder that I can rarely wear due to my parents, and also already having multiple rib injuries. I do masculinizing makeup and wear baggy clothes. I have short hair. I voice trained. I’ve done everything I can think of.
None of it brings me a sliver of joy anymore. I just want some hope or euphoria to hold onto. Anything. Just anything.
I’ll be moving out sometime this year hopefully. But until then, I feel stuck and hopeless.

Hey everyone,
Long story short, I recently assembled a lot of my records digitally for an upcoming internship. For the sake of being thorough, I requested high school transcripts from the last high school I attended. I had a history of major depressive symptoms so I ended up attending three different high schools total. I lasted for just three days in the first one and never actually finished any coursework outside of a summer gym I did. The second one I only attended for a quarter of a year (maybe even a little less) before I transitioned over to the final high school I eventually graduated from in this case.
Anyway, I recently learned my final high school never got any sort of transcript or records from the second one after I asked the head of the final high school. I even asked my undergrad's registrar and they said they never got one at all. I asked them if that would affect the BS that I already earned and the representative said it should not.
However, I'm worried about whether or not I passed that quarter. If I didn't, could my high school diploma be revoked (even though I got all of my credits from my final high school. First quarter grades were listed as NA for not available)? Could something potentially happen to my college degrees I've earned as well despite this (BS, MA, currently in Ph.D program)?
I'd like to know.